A ballad of a priest that lost his nose For saying of mass as I suppose.  

WHo so list bear of a wondrous chance  
Of late I met with one did me tell  
The craftiest priest in England or France  
Hath lost his nose, and how should he smell  
He went to his friend his mind to disclose  
And as he came home one cut of his nose.   

It is a gentleman, a priest he told me  
To tell you his name I do not much pass  
It is old sir john the vicar of Lee  
which rails at gods book & reels at his mass  
His cankered mind he cannot keep close  
yet he served him shrewdly that cut of his nose.   

His smeller is smitten clean from his face  
yet was there but one as he did say  
Which caught him and plucked of his nose in that place  
A high man, a low man, a fox, or a grey  
Ten shillings he saith in his purse be did loose  
I think he lied thereof, but not of his nose   

Great searching was sense that smeller to seek  
Some for haste left their scabbard at home  
Some had guns some halberds some forked pikes  
some in shirts of mail like a lusty mome  
There was never seen before I suppose  
Such tossing and tumbling for a priests nose.   

Some men that thought him no harm in their life  
But because they fear God, and do go about  
To live with pure conscience & be without strife  
They are bound to the peace now for a priests snove  
But because he can keep men's whoredom so close  
Therefore they make such a work for his nose.   

Because his scholars did mock at his mass  
He said he would make blood run by their heel's  
Butt God hath turned the plague from their arse  
And he with his nose did bloody the styles  
with blood I hard say as read as a rose  
he drunk well belike before he lost his nose.   

What manner of nose was it sir ye sought for  
A black nose, a read nose, or one like my fist  
To be without nose was the mark of an whore  
And now it is the mark of an whorish priest  
And now you are rid right well of the nose  
Why do you make such a work for your nose.   

Or was your nose somewhat wan or pale  
A blue nose a bottle nose, or was it yellow  
Nos autem have seen it sometime at the ale  
Libera nos salva nos from the swap of the swallow  
But why did ye use sir to lie so and gloze  
was it any marvel though ye lost your nose.   

Some men are living to whom he did say  
seeing he knew the truth, if ever he said mass  
He wished that some member might be cut away,  
Now at his request it is come to pass  
Much work he doth make for the lomp he did loose  
well, what will ye give sir for a new nose.   

But what shall we say, if men do not lie  
who cut of the priests nose it is hard to judge  
But he himself I think did it of envy  
And then to bewite it to them he did grudge  
That thereby they might their kingdom up close  
As sometime Sopirus did snap of his nose   

For sometime he saith it was but a mome  
And eftsone a tall man this he doth name  
But still he affirmeth it was but one  
which caught him and brought his nose out of frame  
Can one man so do it as you suppose  
Except he were willing to have of his nose.   

Remedy is none, but this thing is true  
His snout is snapts of howsoever it was  
I think it were best to make him a new  
As soon he may do it, as god at his mass  
if he cannot make him a snout, I suppose  
he can not make god no more than his nose   

seeing the true God is gone from your town  
And god Pean & Bacchus doth rule in his stead  
with hoysty and soysty over shoulder & crown  
yet hath he no more life than a lump of lead  
if he have, then charge him that man to disclose  
which met you & caught you, & cut of your nose.   

But if you do use the true god to mock  
And give his honour to your god in the purse  
Look whom ye bless, and in blindness rock  
The living god will you & your blessings curse  
And at length your falsehood to all men disclose  
And then no doubt your head will follow your nose   

Take heed I say you chaplins of Ball  
Though ye have fed long at jesabels' board  
Not long but helias shall give you a fall  
Repent and return to the living Lord  
Though ye prick till blood run by your toes  
there will a worse chance come than losing your nose   

I will not pray for you, let them do that list  
For fear God with me should be miscontent  
Seeing of purpose the holy ghost you resist  
And if ye have clean forgotten to repent  
when God shall the secrets of all men disclose  
ye shall have as much help as the priest of his nose   

But you have a vantage sir if you mark all  
if a mous catch your god when ye have made it  
Then ye may catch the mouse fast by the wall  
For how can you hurt your nose except ye had it  
The proverb is true in you I suppose  
He cannot tell where to turn his nose.   
Finis.  
God save the Queen.