❧ A fourth hundred of Epygrams, Newly invented and made by john Heywood.  
LONDINI. Anno Christi. 1560.   

To the reader.  
WEre it as parellous to deal cards at play,  
As it is quarrelous to deal books this day,  
One and forty men, among one and thirty,  
Would flee one and thirty, to flee one unthrifty▪  
And yet cards so dealt should have, in revealing,  
Foredeale of books in this hard time of dealing.  
Cards be tooted on but on the tone side:  
Books on both sides: in all places porde and pride.  
Not to content, but to contend, upon espial  
Of least tittle, that can come in trial.  
If the best writer to write be much afraid,  
More may I (the worst) by fearful fear be stayed.  
And were not this one thing, fear should stay me so,  
That book or ballet, I never durst write more.  
In all my simple writing never meant I,  
To touch any private person displeasantly.  
Nor none do & touch here: by name, but only one,  
Which is myself: whom I may be bold upon.  
This meant in my making, sins proof doth declare,  
I pray you readers to scan this, by this square.  
As I, for mirth, myryly did make it,  
So you, in mirth, myryly will take it.  
FINIS.   

The table.  

OF weening and wotting. 1.  
Of a man of law and his clients. 2.  
An advice against mocking. 3.  
Of itching and smarting. 4.  
Of a sharp tongue. 5.  
Of a horse. 6.  
Of a butler and a horse. 7.  
Of Brass. 8.  
Of a louces dwelling place. 9  
Of a strange glass. 10  
Of a driving and drawing. 11.  
Of long suits. 12.  
Of lightness. 13.  
Of a disagreement. 14▪  
Of cheaping of contes. 15.  
Of a wife having child. 16.  
Of a bachelor and a maid. 17.  
Of short payment. 18.  
Whence certain things came first. 19  
Of furred and lined gowns. 20.  
Of a wine drawer. 21.  
Short checks between a man and his wife. 22  
Of a woman dekte in two colours. 23.  
Of unsweet breath. 24  
Of clipping and cleansing. 25.  
Of a man and his wives departing. 26.  
●n account of a man's children. 27.  
Of a woman of Huntingdon. 28.  
Of a laundres. 29.  
Of a cutter of purslane. 30.  
Of one that standeth in his own conceit. 31.  
Of one that hard without ears, 32,  
Of an archers roving, 33.  
Of peril to one by the numbered of three. 34.  
Of Gloria patri. 35.  
Of a Diar. 36.  
Of a jug. 37.  
Of the three cups. 38.  
Of Brass and Iron. 39  
Of jacke and john. 40.  
Of wrestling. 41.  
Of pride. 42.  
Of one hanged. 43.  
Of a dettar. 44.  
Of ●ouyng of a goose. 45.  
Of harp strings. 46.  
Of Fortune. 47.  
Of choice. 48.  
Of a false brag. 49.  
Of lying and true saying. 50.  
Of a daw pate. 51.  
Of water and wine. 52.  
Between dogs and a dear. 53.  
Of twelve and one. 54.  
Of verdingales. 55.  
Precepts of a man to his wife. 56.  
Of a man expert. 57  
Of deliverance from ill. 58.  
Of cutting of the herb tyme. 59  
Of one fearing the sweat. 60.  
Of one thinking on an other. 61.  
Of one being at a point. 62.  
Of Testons. 63.  
Of red Testons. 64.  
Of stamping. 65.  
Of john long the carrier. 66.  
Of turning. 67.  
Of master Carter. 68  
Of going far. 69.  
How money is made lame. 70.  
Of an old wooer. 71.  
Of a young wooer. 72.  
Of weakness and strength. 73.  
Warning of pride. 74.  
Of patience. 75.  
Of pleasing. 76.  
Of a handgoon and a hand. 77.  
Of Brass and Silver. 78.  
A difference between wise men and fools. 79.  
Of a pithy wit. 80.  
Of choice to be a wise man or a fool. 81.  
Of a knights carterly collar. 82.  
Of males and male horses. 83.  
A man discommended. 84  
Of running. 85.  
Of polling. 86.  
Of plate lent forth. 87.  
Of a man of law and his wife. 88  
Of pens and pence. 89.  
Of a woman's thin tongue, 90.  
Of drinking to a man. 91.  
Of running at Tilt. 92.  
Of expense. 93.  
Of fraiing of babes: 94.  
Of reeds and oaks. 95.  
Of buying a mortar. 96.  
Of a stepmother. 97.  
Of a liar. 98.  
Of tongues and pinsons. 99  
Of Heywood. 100   
FINIS.   
Epigrams.  

Of weening and wottinge. 1.  
wise men in old time, would ween themselves fools.  
fools now in new time, will ween themselves wise.  
Ween wise, and wots wise differ in wise schools:  
To ween themselves wise, when fools so devise,  
As foolish as fruitless, is th'enterprise.  
This case is thus judged, in wisdoms school:  
who weenth himself wise, wisoome wotth him a fool.  
Made by john Heywood to these fools everichone,  
And made of john Heywood, when he weenth himself none.   

Of a man of saw and his clientes. 2.  
Twenty clientes to one man of law,  
For counsel in twenty matters did draw.  
Ethe one praying at one instant to speed,  
As all at once would have speed to proceed.  
Friends all (ꝙ the learned man) i'll speak with none,  
Till one barber have shaven all, one by one.  
To a barber they went all together:  
And being shaven, they returned again thither.  
Ye have (quoth the lawyer) taryde long hence.  
Sir (quoth one) twenty could not be shaven sense▪  
Of one barber, for ye well understand,  
One barber can have but one shaving hand.  
Nor one lawyer (quoth he) but one talking tongue  
Learn clientꝭ this lesson of this lawyer sprung.  
Like as the barber, one after one must shave,  
So clients of counsellors, counsel must have.   

An advise against mocking. 3.  
Use to thy true friend no derision.  
If thy friend spy it, he taketh it poison.  
Though thy friend dissemble thespial clearly,  
Yet spied in a friend, it toucheth him nearly.  
Telling thy friend his fault, mocking him not,  
If he thank the not, then is he a sot.   

Of itching and smarting. 4.  
Ytching and smarting, both towch us at quick.  
When we itch, we scratch: when we smart, we kick.  
But in our kicking at our present smart,  
Let us consider our former desert.   

Of a sharp tongue. 5.  
Wife, I perceive thy tongue was made at Egeware.  
Ye sir, and yours made at Raylye, hard by there.   

Of a horse. 6.  
A Tilt horse, alias a beer horse to be,  
Which woludst thou be? a beer horse I say to thee.  
When the horse is seen cheerly to draw the beer,  
He is so praised, that he may be proud to here.  
At Tilt when the horse runthe as fast as he can,  
All cry well run, not to the horse, to the man.  
And if the horse fall with the man overlade,  
Then cry they all, a vengeance on that lame jade.   

Of a butler and a horse. 7.  
The butler and the beer horse both be like one.  
They draw beer both: that is a truth to bide one.  
Both draw beer in deed, but yet they differ jone:  
the butler drawth & drinkth beer, the horse drinkth none.   

Of brass. 8.  
I perceive well now that brass is waxed proud,  
Because brass so much with silver is aloud.  
And being both toind, sins they most by brass stand,  
That maketh brass bold, to stand on the upper hand.   

Of a louces dwelling place. 9  
Were thou a louce & shouldst choose one dwelling place,  
Whether wouldst thou dwell, having choice in this case,  
In men's big breeches, or in women's thick rubies?  
I would be, both for the places and stuffs,  
In summer with women, in winter with men.  
In summer the woman's neck pleasant then,  
In winter the man's breech is close and warm.  
Large walks for lice to walk warm without harm.  
galleries, gable ends, chambers, parlours, halls,  
Cold frost to defend, a dozen double walls.  
some ceil, some hanged, some died, some painted, some stained,  
Rents of all size, great and small rents retained.  
And when by louce biting, the leg is itching,  
The bars of men's breeches have such strong stitching,  
Such bolstering, such broydring, let men stare & stamp,  
The louce is as safe there, as he were in a camp.  
In winter I say these breeches are alone.  
But then in summer let the louce thence be gone,  
For fear of a plague: if he then thither get,  
A thousand to one, he shall die of the sweat.   

Of a strange glass. 10.  
Good god what a glass to view is this?  
See what an unsightly sight here is.  
Great promise, small performance.  
Great countenance, small continuance.  
Great winning, small saving.  
Great hoping, small having.  
Great hives, small honey.  
Great purses, small money.  
Great gaps, small bushes.  
Great spears, small bushes.  
Great wine, small water.  
Great words, small matter.  
Great bottom, small brink.  
Great brewing, small drink.  
Great rent, small place.  
Great space, small grace.  
Great drift, small shift.  
Great gift, small thrift,  
Great watching, small catching.  
Great patching, small matching.  
Great blood, small bruit.  
Great flowers, small fruit.  
Great woods, small oaks.  
Great staves, small strokes.  
Great hens, small eggs.  
Great hose, small legs.  
Great study, small art.  
Great dysyre, small desert.  
Great giving, small taking.  
Great marring, small making.  
Great ships, small sailing.  
Great loss, small availing.  
Great marking, small minding.  
Great seeking, small finding.  
Great lawing, small loving.  
Great stirring, small moving.  
Great sowing, small growing.  
Great trowing, small knowing.  
I trow so great ill, and so small good,  
In one glass together, never stood.   

Of driving and drawing. 11.  
If thou must be forced forth to take journey quick,  
whether wouldst thou be driven forth, or drawn forth dick?  
I would be driven forth jacke: for as doth appear,  
Drawing and hanging draw vengeable near.  
I think it less ill jacke, having choice in scope,  
To be driven with the whip, then drawn to the rope.   

Of long suits. 12.  
Suits hang half a year in Westminster hall,  
At Tyburn, half an hours hanging endeth all.   

Of lightness. 13.  
Nothing is lighter than a feather, kit,  
Yes climme: what light thing is that? thy light wit.   

Of a disagreement. 14.  
Each one man wellnigh falleth out with another,  
And likewise each thing disagreeth with other.  
Namely malt and water, these two things are  
So far fallen a sunder, by scornful square,  
That no brewer, be he lusty or lither,  
Dare cou●h malt and water, in house together.  
But chief sour water now beareth such sway,  
That, sweet malt from brewhouse, water driv'th away.   

Of cheapening of Coneys. 15.  
jane thou sellst sweet coneys in this pultry shop:  
But none so sweet as thyself, sweet conye mop.  
What is the price of thee? forsooth she told,  
At what price so ever myself shallbe sold,  
Strange is the hearing, for ware or for money,  
To hear a woodcock cheapen a conye.   

Of a wife having child. 16.  
My wife hath a child now at four score and ten.  
At four score & ten years? nay friend, nay: what then?  
At four score and ten quarters of a year I meant.  
Meant ye so? and I meant years. by which extent  
Your wife might seem your mother: but now I smell,  
You may seem your wives father wonderfoole well.   

Of a bachelor and a maid. 17.  
Is that bachelor a wooer to that maid?  
The commons common so: 'tis commonly said,  
Where dwelleth that bachelor? wide a bow of brydewel.  
Where dwelleth that maid? at broken wharf: very well.   

Of short payment. 18.  
Thy dettar will pay the shortly: shortly?  
He will make that short lie, a long lie, dread I.   

whence certain things came first. 19  
Whence come great breeches? from little wittam.  
Whence come great ruffs? from small brainfoorth they came.  
Whence come these round verdingales? from square thrift  
Whence come deep copped hats? from shallow shift.  
Whence come brawdred gardꝭ? from the town of evil.  
Whence come uncomde staring heads? from the devil.  
Whence come these women's scarves? from folly john.  
Whence come their glittering spangs? from much wanton.  
Whence come perfumed gloves? from curiosity.  
Whence come fine trapped moils? from superfluity.  
Whence come cornde crooked toes? from short shapen shone.  
Whence come wild high lookers? from mid summer moon.  
Whence come fair painted fares? from painter's tools.  
Whence come all these? from the vicar of saint fools.   

Of furred and lined gowns. 20.  
Thick furred gowns worn in summer, show bare worn threads.  
Thin lined gowns worn in winter, come from S. needs.   

Of a wine drawer. 21.  
Drawer, thy wine is even with thee now I see:  
Thou persist the wine, and the wine persith thee.   

Short checks between a man and his wife. 22.  
I am careful to see thee careless, Iyll:  
I am woeful to see the witless, Will.  
I am anguishte to see the an ape, jill:  
I am angry to see the an ass Will.  
I am fretting to see the fly from me, jyll:  
I am sorry to see the seek to me, Will.  
I am mad to see the mate thy husband, jill:  
I am sad to see the slander thy wife, Will.  
I am dumpyshe to see the play the drab, jill:  
I am knappyshe to see the play the knave, Will.   

Of a woman decked in two colours, 23.  
My honey bes, black & white doth set the out net.  
Thy here white as pearl, thy teeth black as jest.   

Of unsweet breath. 24.  
Thine unsavoury breath lackth salt, beale belsabubbe:  
It hath ta'en to much wind in the powdering tub.  
Thy breath, hodge, with salt is so savoury to smell,  
That no seasoning lyckour, can season it well.   

Of clipping and cleansing. 25.  
Not clipping your beards, why clip you your nails?  
Not combing your heads, why wipe you your tails?  
These being superfluous things every eachone,  
Kombe, clip, or cleanse all: or clip or cleanse none.   

Of a man and his wives departing. 26.  
Wife I will go abroad. will ye take the pain?  
Beete: but when the devil will ye come in again?  
Mak'st thou me a devil? nay then be out of doubt,  
The devil will come in, when the devils dam goth out.   

An account of a man's children. 27.  
Wife, of ten babes between us by increase grown,  
Thou sayst I have but nine. no more of y ●our own.  
Of all things increasing, as my conscience lieth,  
The parson must needs have the tenth for the tithe.   

Of a woman of Huntingdon. 28.  
Where dwellest thou Sys? I dwell at huntington now.  
Like so, for thou look'st like a new hunted sow.  
Where dwellest thou Sym? at hammer smith dwell I.  
A meet soil for thee? for hammer head is hard by.   

Of a laundres. 29.  
A like laundres to thee, never saw 1  
Thy clothes washed but once a week commonly,  
Thyself washed once in an hour usually.  
And yet each weeks end doth this thus try,  
Thy clothes ever wet, thyself ever dry.   

Of a cutter of purslane. 30.  
This herb purslane thou cuttest prettily I see:  
But to cut a purse in a lane, none like thee.   

Of one standing of his own conceit. 31.  
He standeth well in his own conceit each man tells.  
So had he need, for he standeth in no man's else.   

Of one that hard without ears. 32.  
I see men hear, though they ears have none.  
Thou dost hear me speak, thine ears being gone.   

Of an archers roving. 33.  
What a shot shoots he with a roving arrow?  
Still he hyttꝭ the mark, be it wide or narrow.  
Where shooteth this sharp shooting archer most, will?  
He shooteth most at rovers on shooters hill.   

Of peril to one by the number of three. 34.  
In thy hand I see, thy fortune shallbe such,  
That the number of three shall danger the much.  
Three bedfelowes in thy bed shall displease thee,  
Three lie in thy bum breech shall oft disease thee:  
Three cups full at once shall oft disguise thee,  
Three bearers of thee home shall oft despise thee:  
Three drinks, wine, ale, & beer, shall overflow thee,  
Three wrestlers in one sign shall overthrow thee:  
Three wives in three years shall wondrously wear thee,  
Three she bears those three years, shall all to tear thee:  
But in things numbered by three, above all these,  
B●●s thee three thousand times, from frame of three trees.   

Of Gloria patri. 35.  
Dick, I marvel much, why in every plat,  
Gloria patri standeth before Sicut erat.  
Tom, Gloria patri is a gentleman:  
In pleasant speech, speak so sweetly no tongue can.  
Sicut erat is a churl so rude and plain,  
That to hear him speak, all degrees do disdain.   

Of a dyar. 36.  
Is thy husband a dyer woman? alack,  
Had he no colour to die the on but black?  
Dieth he oft? ye, to oft when customers call,  
But I would have him one day, die once for all.  
Were he gone, dyer would I never more wed.  
Dyer's be ever dying, but never ded.   

Of a Jugge. 37.  
Pot him jacke: pot him jacke? nay pot him jug.  
To pot the drunkard, the jug is the dug.   

Of the three cups. 38.  
where's thine In john? at the three cups in bredstrete Ihone.  
At three cups in breadstrete? well let bread alone.  
At those three cups when ever thou dines or sups,  
Ere thou go to bed, thou hast in all thy cups.   

Of brass and Jron. 39  
Brass and old Iron who brought those two together?  
Brass thinketh storne to see them brought so hither.  
Old Iron is rousty and rotten to view,  
Brass with silver fair blauncht and polyshte new:  

Otherwise.  
Brass said to old Iron with brass perking late,  
Back ye kancred karl, ye be not my mate.  
〈◊〉 brass (quoth Iron) plainness is most tallow.  
I show as I am: and so dost not thou.    

Of Jack and John. 40.  
jacke and john in degree differ far brother.  
jacke daw is one, master john daws is another.   

Of wrestling. 41.  
Where we wrestled by couples, we wrestle alone:  
And shall, till time our shackled breeches be gone.  
In stepping and striding it is a wonder,  
How we wrestle to get our legs a sunder.   

Of pride. 42.  
If thou wilt needs be proud, mark this friend mine:  
Of good deeds be not proud: they are not thine.  
But when thou playst the knave in ill deeds grown,  
Be proud of those ill deeds: they are thine own.   

Of one hanged. 43.  
What fault had he done that was hanged yesterday?  
Of any fault done by him I can nought say.  
Two or three two penny trifles were laid to him,  
But, his fair gay hanged house, man, did undo him.  
Here is tit for tat measure met very trim:  
First he hanged his house, now his house hath hanged him.   

Of a dettar. 44.  
Doth your mastership remember your debt to me?  
Remember my debt? ye friend, I warrant thee:  
I remember it so, that though I say, it,  
I'll never forget it, nor never pay it.   

Of loving of a goose. 45.  
A goose, green or grey which lovest thou better?  
A green goose: for it is far the sweeter.  
Love both as thyself, for as proof showeth rife,  
Thou art and hast been a goose, all thy life.  

Otherwise.  
Thou lovest a goose to much: aware surfeit elf.  
I never saw goose yet, like thee, love himself.    

Of harp strings. 46.  
Which string in all the harp wolost thou still harp on.  
Not the base, I will be none underling, john.  
Nor the standing tenor: for stiff standing.  
Nor the triple: for fear of to high hanging.  
Nor the counter tenor: for countering to long.  
Upon what harp string than wouldst thou harp thy song?  
Above all strings, when we shall fall to harpyngs,  
The harp string to harp on, is the mean harp string.   

Of Forrune. 47.  
Take thy fortune as it faith, some adviseth:  
But I would fain take fortune as it riseth.   

Of choice. 48.  
Choice is good in most things folk say, in which choice,  
For choice of one of two things, thou mayst rejoice:  
No man alive like thee frank choice can have,  
To play the knavish fool, or the foolish knave.   

Of a false brag. 49.  
I was never but an honest man.  
Put out that but, and thou sayst truth than.   

Of lying and true saying. 50.  
Wife, the people are disposed all to lie:  
For thou art commended, universally.  
Nay sir: the people to tell truth, are all bold,  
For you are discommended of young and old.   

Of a daw pate. 51.  
Thou art a very daw pate, as ever I saw.  
Sir, in deed the pate is chief part of a daw:  
For when daws shall appear in any cost,  
Of all those daws parts, their daw pates be most.   

Of water and wine. 52.  
Thou mak'st curtsy to wash hands with water of mine.  
Making no curtsy to wash thy mouth with my wine.  
But I pray the make this change in this matter:  
More curtsy at my wine, and less at my water.   

Between dogs and a dear. 53.  
Set malles aside: said a buck to a greyhound.  
Beware of pride: said that dog to that dear.  
Be patient in trouble: a hound said round,  
Loving advise to this dear this did appear.  
In which counsel given, to kill him they run near.  
Which counsel amounth to this every man seeth,  
Comfort him with their tongues, kill him with their teeth.   

Of twelve and one. 54.  
It is twelve a clock: sir 'tis more, well nigh one.  
Is one more than twelve? that's a reason alone.  
Sir when the day to after noon doth amount,  
One is more than twelve, by our sextens account.   

Of verdingales. 55.  
Alas poor verdingales must lie in the street:  
To house them, no door in the city made meet.  
sins at our narrow doors they in can not win,  
●end them to Oxford, at Brddegates to get in.   

Precepts of a man to his wife. 56.  
Stand still wife, I will:  
Be still wife, I nill.  
Now bark wife, I will.  
To work wife, I nill.  
Prove me wife, I will:  
Love me wife, I nill.  
Now chat wife, I will:  
Leave that wife, I nill.  
Keep chair wife, I will:  
Speak fair wife, I nill.   

Of a man expert. 57  
Is he such an expert man? an expert man?  
Put out that ex, and no man more expert than.   

Of deliverance from ill. 58.  
Wife, from all evil, when shalt thou delivered be?  
Sir, when I (said she) shallbe delivered from thee.   

Of cutting of the herb tyme. 59  
All times of the day to night from the prime,  
Thou gardener wilt not leave cutting of tyme.  
Thou wilt never leave cutting of time, I see,  
Tyall such time, as time, shall in time cut of thee,   

Of one fearing the sweat. 60.  
Sweeting sickness so fearest thou beyond the mark,  
That winter or summer thou never sweat'st at work.   

Of one thinking on an other. 61.  
When doth your mastershyppe think on me? ever.  
When do you think upon my matter? never.  
Me ye remember, my matter ye forget:  
Remembrance and forgetfulness, is wrong set.  
For I would wish you rather, if it might be,  
To remember my matter, and forget me.   

Of one being at a point. 62.  
Is he at a point with his creditors? ye.  
For he is not worth a point they all see.   

Of Testons. 93.  
Testons be gone to Oxford, god be their speed:  
To study in Brasennose there to proceed.   

Of red Testons. 64.  
These Testons look red: how like you the same?  
'Tis a token of grace: they blush for shame.   

Of stamping. 65.  
We stamp crabs, we stamp testons: which stamping done,  
We stare upon Testons now beyond the moon.  
Which stamping of Testons brought it not some skill,  
Our staring on Testons could judge them but ill.  
But as the hot sun melteth snow away,  
So shall hot fire melt cold Testons, as folk say.  
We, for Testyons leaving scolding and squaring.  
And on Testons leaving stamping and staring.   

Of John long the carrier. 66.  
Of what length is john long the carrier prat?  
A quarter of a year long. how provest thou that?  
Thertene weeks passed he should have brought me a wat:  
But yet long john, john long: with that what cometh not.  
Whereby I john Short, am as short to compare,  
As john long by this length is long to declare.  
For as john long lurkth to long this wat to fet,  
So I john short leap to short this wat to get.   

Of turning. 67.  
Wilt thou use turners craft still? ye by my troth.  
Much thrift and most surety in turners craft growth.  
Half turn or whole turn, where turners be turning,  
Turning keeps turners from hanging and burning.   

Of master Carter. 68  
Is that gentleman's name master earter? ye.  
How his name and conditions differ now see.  
So cunning, so comely, so curteise, so kind,  
So gentle a gentleman in each man's mind:  
That all men are stricken in pitiful wonder,  
To see master carter and the cart asunder.   

Of going far. 69.  
As he goeth far that never doth turn him back,  
So ghost thou far wide: thou never turnst again.  
Where thou goest, or what thou dost, come luck come lack,  
Thyself or thy matters forth they go amain.  
To turn again no counsel can the restrain.  
Except thy will shall show thy wit in the wane,  
find means to take a house in turn again lane.   

How money is made lame. 70.  
Money, with covetousness thou dost rest so,  
That lack of use doth lame thee: thou canst not go.  
With prodigality thou trudgest so fast,  
That excess of to much exercise, doth lame the at last.  
These two being lame lets of extremities,  
Where wouldst thou be lotted to be from both these?  
With liberality would I be the mean.  
With liberality? nay he is gone clean.   

Of an old wooer. 71.  
Lady I love you, in way you to wed:  
But mine age with your youth disagreeth so,  
That if I speak: I think not to be sped.  
Your age in your suit, is no whit your foe,  
To your years many, had ye many more.  
We would wed the sooner by years, showing plain,  
That I should the sooner be unwed again.   

Of a young wooer. 72.  
I brought the late an old rich widow to woe:  
whom thou mightst have had, but nought wouldst thou then do:  
Nor nought canst thou do now: thrift and thou art odd.  
For now lieth she speechless at mercy of god.  
For the mercy of god bring me now to her:  
I never saw meet time: till now, to woe her.   

Of weakness and strength. 73.  
Weakness & strength, here show'st thou both in proof,  
Thou art a weak man, and yet a strong thief.   

Warning of pride. 74.  
Beware of pride, sayest thou to me.  
Let pride, say I, beware of thee.  
In every place thou dost so watch him,  
That if pride stir, thou wilt sure catch him.   

Of patience. 75.  
Be patient in trouble. how can that be?  
Sins out of trouble nothing pleaseth thee.   

Of pleasing. 76.  
Be glad to please, yea be glad to please brother.  
But whom? please thyself, see thou please none other.   

Of a hand goonne and a hand. 77.  
Thou hast a good handgoonne: but what's thy hand?  
When thou shoot'st of, out of danger to stand,  
No standing more sure in any place or plat,  
Then to stand close to the mark thou shoot'st at.   

Of brass and silver. 78.  
Brass hath been aloft, with silver set up.  
Come down brass and drink on an ashen cup.   

Of difference between wise men and fools. 79.  
Between wise men and fools, among things many  
This one differth. when both sorts get things any,  
Which to their pleasures are pleasantly allowed,  
Of those things won, wise men are glad, fools be proud.   

Of a pithy wit. 80.  
Good god, what a pithy wit hast thou dicke?  
The pith of thy words so deep and so trick,  
Thy words so pythyly pierce to the quick,  
Pythias of no woodrs against thy words may kick,  
No more than the pith of a goonstone may prick,  
Against the pithy pith of an elder stick.   

Of choice to be a wise man or a fool. 81.  
A wise man or a fool: if thou must be one,  
Which wouldst thou be in winter, john? a fool Ihone.  
Where best men in winter sit next fire from cold,  
●here standꝭ the fool warm while all his tales be told.  
Which wouldst thou be in summer, when winter is gone?  
A fool. a fool, why? that why showeth hereupon.  
In summer when states sit from fire in the cool,  
At that boards end in cool air there stands the fool.  
Winter and summer what time men must to work,  
Which wouldst thou be? a fool to look on and lurk.  
All times of the year for one thing or other,  
Better be a fool then a wise man brother.   

Of a knights carterly collar. 82.  
I had this carter bring my collar of gold:  
And he bryngth me my horse collar, hold knave hold.  
Sir if I may speak my thought without fearing,  
This collar of both showthe best for your wearing.   

of males and male horses. 83.  
Of all horse, a male horse would I not be.  
Where he erst bore one male, now birth he three.  
Those are one behind and one on each side,  
The man, who on the male horse doth ride,  
Werth on each leg, one male. for his slops are:  
Each one slop one male (kindly to declare.)  
Long, round, wide, weighty as a male each one.  
But all horse are now male horses everichone.  
For every one horse, birth two males at least.  
Of male horse and male men, friends hearse a feast.   

A man discommended. 84.  
Not once a year ought seen in the to allow.  
Not once a year thy knee to god dost thou bow.  
Not once a year openest thou thy lips to pray.  
Not once a year showst thou goodness any way.  
Not once a year geuste thou alms to the poor,  
Not once a year dost thou repent thee therefore.  
But all times a year thou wouldst all understood,  
Thou never dost repent, but when thou dost good.   

Of running. 85.  
In pooste haste run whoreson run. art thou here yet?  
Shall I run out of breath? nay run out of thy wit.   

Of polling. 86.  
Our heads grow to long, god give our barber's curses.  
Our barbers poll no heads, our barber's poll purses.   

Of plate sent forth. 87.  
Where is thy plate? lent out to a marriage.  
Whither? to saint needꝭ. to whom? to master gage.   

Of a man of low and his wife. 88  
You being a pleader at law exelente,  
Yet hath your wife brought you to an exigent.  
Pray her to let fall th'action at law now,  
Or else, so god help me, she will outlaw you.   

Of pens and pence. 89.  
Pens and pence, differ far in proportion.  
The penny flat and round, the pen strait and long.  
And yet for aids, in case of extortion,  
Pens and pence are like in working of wrong.   

Of a woman's thin tongue. 90.  
I never saw wife like thine for this thing: dicke,  
Her tongue wondrous thin, & her speech wondrous thick.  
Tom, I have spent much in vain since she was young,  
To have her thick speech as thinhe as her tongue.  
It is the tongue of tongues: dicke, for running round:  
I take the tyype for silver: by the shrill sound.  
It hath, Tom, a shaking sharp sound in the ear,  
But it is no silver, would god it wear.   

Of drinking to a man. 91.  
I drink to the john, nay thou drinkst from me Ihone.  
When thou drinkst to me, drink for me thou leavest none.   

Of running at Tilt. 92.  
We apply the spygot, till tub stand a tilt.  
Ye, ren at the spygot tilt, leave the spear tilt thou wilt.   

Of expense. 93.  
What may he spend? ten pound a year he might spend.  
Is't mortgaged? nay: no man will one penny lend  
Upon it. ist sold? nay, no man will buy it.  
Then he holdth it: nay, he can not come nigh it.  
Why fool? how may he spend ten pound by year then?  
I said not he may, but he might spend it man.  
Meaning he might spend it, if he had it.  
O, if he had it: a sir the devil mad it.   

Of fraying of babes. 94.  
When do mothers fray their babes most from dugs.  
When they put on black scarves, & go like bear bugs.   

of reeds and oaks. 95.  
Will you reeds at the winds will still make low beckꝭ?  
will you oaks stand stiff still while wind break your neckꝭ?  
Will you reeds, like apes, still tuck & bow each joint?  
Will you oaks, like asses, still stiff at one point?  
Will you reeds be still bending bowing bodies?  
Will you oaks be still stout stiff necked nod●es?  
Will you reeds be staggering still for vain avails?  
Will you oaks be stern still till your tops kiss your tails?  
Will you reeds shrink still to all winds towardly?  
Will you oaks swell still at all winds frowardly?  
Will you reeds crouch still to be the winds footestooles?  
Will you oaks crack still to be the winds head fools?  
Okes will do as we have done. so will we reeds.  
Wherein for our purpose mark what end proceeds.  
In each one storm a thousand oaks down are blown,  
In a thousand storms not one reed overthrown.   

Of buying a mortar. 96.  
That spice mortar to sell it be you willing?  
Yea mistress: what's the price? ten shilling.  
Ten shilling? friend: I am hither enticed  
To buy a spice mortar, not a mortar spysed.   

Of a stepmother. 97.  
Thy father's second wife, thy step mother,  
For a step mother there's not such an other.  
At three steps I saw her step, sins she was wed,  
From a stair foot, strait up to thy father's head.   

Of a liar. 98.  
Where doth Frances fabler now lie, jane?  
At sign of the whetstone in double tongue lane.  
He lieth by night: and by day daily he  
Lieth down right, in what place so ever he be.  
That he lieth still day and night, this thing doth try,  
He never speaketh word but it is a lie,   

Of tongues and pinsons. 99  
One difference this is, on which our tongues may carp,  
Between pinching pinsons, & taunting tongues sharp.  
Where these two nippers nip any whyere or when,  
Those pinsons nip dead things, those tongues nip quick men.   

Of Heywood. 100  
Art thou Heywood with the mad merry wit?  
Ye forsooth master, that same is even hit.  
Art thou Heywood that applieth mirth more than thrift?  
Ye sir, I take merry mirth a golden gift.  
Art thou Heywood that hath made many mad plays?  
Ye many plays, few good works in all my days.  
Art thou Heywood that hath made men merry long?  
Ye: and will, if I be made merry among.  
Art thou Heywood that would be made merry now?  
Ye sir: help me to it now I beseech you.  
FINIS.   

IMPRINTED AT London in Fleetestrete in the house late Thomas Berthelettes.  
Cum privilegio ad imprimendum solum.