¶ The treatise answering the book of beards. Compiled by colyn clout, dedicated to barnard barber dwelling in Banbery. ¶ To drink with me, be not a feared For here ye see groweth never a beard▪ ¶ I am a Fool of Cock lorellies boat Calling all knaves, to pull therein a rope. ¶ The preface, or the pistle. TO the right worshypfulle (barnard Barber,) dwelling in Banberye, colyn▪ Clowte, surrendereth greeting with immortal thanks. IT was so worshipful sir, that at my last being in Mountpyllour I chanced to be assocyat with a doctor of physic/ which at his return had set forth three Books to be printed in Fleetstrete, within Temple bar, the which Books were compiled together in one volume named the introductory of knowledge/ whereupon there did not resort only unto him merchants, gentlemen, and women/ but also knights, and other great men, which were desirous to know the effycacyte, and the effect of his aforesaid bodis, and so among many things, they desired to know his fancy, concerning the wearing of beards/ He answered in great experience. Some will wear berdis because their faces be pocky, mangy sausflewme, lyporous, & disfigured/ by the which many clean men were infected. So this done he desired every man to be contented: Wherefore I desire no man to be displeased with me. And where as he was animated to write his book to th'end, that great men may laugh thereat/ I have devised this answer to the intent: that in the reading they might laugh us both to scorn/ And for that cause I wrote this book, as god knoweth my pretence/ who ever keep your mastership in health. ¶ Here followeth a treatise, made Answering the treatise of doctor Board upon beards. Calling to remembrance your notable reproach given unto beards, I was constrained to render the occasion thereof, whereupon, I found by long surmise and study that ye had read the story of Hellogobalus, & found therein great and strong authorities/ which by likelihood moved you to this reformation of beards. For ye know that Hellogobalus being given moche to the desire of the body, & that by moche superfluity, ye thought it requysyght to commit the filthy sin of lechey, upon the receyptꝭ of delicate meatis. For he caused his cooks to make & ordain such hot meats that may provoke or st●t● him the rather thereunto. And in there so doing he made them some of his privy chamber some of his head lords of his counsel But yet the chief and principal preseptes that he gave unto his cokꝭ, was this that they should not only poll their heads, but also shave their beards. For this intent, that when he were dronkyn, or v●●etynge ripe by taking excess, that he might be well assured, that it came not by no here of from his cook's heads. For his delight was not only in the feminine kind/ and also delighted in wo●●●●y men/ yet ●● and his sign underlye faces led not only a ●ytyous life, but also made a shameful end. Not withstanding other that, or this story following was and ●s the ●●●alyon why it abore beards, and that was this at your last being in Mowntpyllyer, Martin the surgeon being there with you, & did accompany daily with none so much as with you: if ye be remembered, he brought you to dinner upon a day to one Hans smormowthes house a duche man, in which house you were cupshore, otherwise called dronkyn, at which time your beard was long/ so than your assocyat martin brought you to bed/ and with the removing your stomach turned, & so ye vomited in his bosom, howbeit as much as your beard might hold upon your beard remained till the next day in the morning. And when ye waked & smelled your own beard, ye fell to it a fresh, and calling for your friend Martin showing the cause of this last mischance. whereupon ye desired to shave you. And so when ye saw your beard ye said that it was a shameful thing on any man's face. And so it is in such cases I not deny/ yet shall ye consider, that our english men being in England doth use to keep their beards moche more clen As ●●●ge as any beards be worn Mocking shall not be forborn But yet all length his is the scorn. I fear it not ¶ with bearded men, he will not drink Because it doth in their beards sink The cause thereof, ye may soon think His beard in Flaunders once did stink which by distillation Of a vomitation Made such disturbation That it abored the nation. I fear it not ¶ Some berdꝭ he saith doth grow a pace To hide an evil roleryd face In faith his had an homlye grace when he was in that dronkyn case But sith he doth this matter steer To make that shaving should be dear I think it doth full well appear That fools had never less wit in a year I fear it not ¶ A beard saith he, will braided much care If that he with his master compare Hi● may ye prove a wy● full dare That judgeth so a man to far what man living, I would fain know That for comꝑason letis his beard grow But yet though that a spiteful shrew His spyghtful words, abroad doth blow I fear it not, etc. ¶ Of beards he saith, there comms no gains & berdꝭ quycknyth not the brains Lo how in physic, he taketh pains He merits a bushel of brwers grains He warneth also every estate To avoid beards, for fere of debate If men, like him should use to prate His warning then should come to late. I fear it not ¶ If beards also a purse doth pick As ye compare them to be like yet ye have got more in one wycke Then beards in ten together may strike For by casting of a pyspotte ye have polled many a groat yea and much more god wot By falsehood ye have got. I fear it not ¶ yet one thing more, I will assail The danger of drinking ye do bewail Believe ye me, if all do fail In stead of a cup, ye shall have a pail For you have given warning plain That bearded men, shall be full fain To bring a cup, for their own gain The more fool you, so to disdain, I fear it not ¶ Note me well, for it is true Though bearded men, ye will eschew There be moche honyster men than you That will drink long, or they do spew As you have done, I know or this wherefore I say, though so it is I will not tell that is amiss yet will I tell, some truth yewys. I fear it not ¶ yet of one thing, that ye do treat How that a beard, in a great sweet By like doth catch, a kavysshe heat Thereby ye do a great praise get For truly unfeigned your honyste is distained All though ye have disdained Men know ye have sustained. I fear it not ¶ Though in the winter, a dew will lie That distilleth from the nose privily To refrain your cup, ye pray them heartily And all is for superfluous gluttony For gluttony, is of such a kind That end of excess, he can none find Till past is both, the wit and mind So one of those ye be assigned. I fear it not The second part of that song. I little thought, ye were so wise beards to devise of the new guise But truly, for your enterprise ye may go cast your wit at dice At sink or size, which so doth fall Fere ye not to cash at all For if you lose your lostes be small It is to dear, a tennis ball. I fear it not ¶ A beard upon his over lip ye say will be a proper trip whereby ye shall the better skyppe Go your ways. I dare let you slip where as be many more I think by twenty score In cock lorelles ●ote before ye may take anore. I fear it not ¶ yet though that ye one thing do crave which is a muster devils beard to have ye make me study, so god me save If this petition, came not of a knave Perhaps some other man did make it And so ye did up take it But best ye were forsake it For fere of Pears go nakyt. Now fear you that ¶ ye say some beards be like lambs will with little wit within their skull who goth a mile, to suck a bull Comes home a fool, and yet not full And where ye wish them pekt with pies That wears a beard, unto their lies Be wise take heed, such homely spies O times can spy your crafty lies. I fear it not ¶ But sir I pray you, if you tell can Declare to me when god made man I mean by our forefather Adam whither that he had a beard then And if he had, who did him shave Sith that a 〈…〉, he could no● have well then ye prove him there a knave Because his beard, he did so save. I fear it not ¶ Christ & his apostles, ye have declared That their beards might not be spared Nor to their beards, no beards compared True it is, yet we repaired By his vocation, to follow in general His disciples, both great and small And following there use we should not fall Nothing excepting our beards at all I fear it not ¶ Samson with many thousands more Of ancient philosophers, full great store would not be shaven, to die therefore why should you then, repine so sore Amyt that men doth Imytate Things of antyquite, and noble state Such counterfeat things oft-times do mitigate much earnest ire, and debate. I fear it not ¶ Therefore to cease, I think be best For bearded men, would live in rest you prove yourself, a homely gest So folyfshely, to rail and jest For if I would go make in rhyme How new shaved men, look like scraped fwyne & so rail forth, from time to time A knavish laud, than should be mine I fear it not ¶ what should avail, me to do so if I should teach, how men should go Thinking my wit, much better lo Then any other, friend or foe I might be imputed truly For a fool, that doth glorify In my noun self only I think you will it verify. I fear it not And thus farewell, though I do write To answer for beards, by reason right yet unbearded men, I do not spite Though ye on beards therein delight And in concluding, of this thing I pray god, lave our noble king beards & unbearded, to heaven us bring Where as is joy everlasting. I fear it not. etc. ¶ Finis, ❧ Barnes in the defence of the Berde. Barns I say if thou be shent Because thou wantyst eloquence Desire them that thine intent May stand all times for thy defence considering that thy hole pretence was more desirous of unity Then to enuent curiosity. R W ¶ Ad imprimendum solum.