Dainty Conceits, with a number of rare and witty inventions, never before printed.  
Made and invented for honest recreation, to pass away idle hours.  Laboris condimentum otium. 
By THOMAS JOHNSON.  
LONDON, Printed by E. A. for Henry Gosson and Francis Coules. 1630.   

THERE BE FIVE THINGS TO BE LOOKED UNTO OF HIM that taketh a Farm, or placeth himself in the Country.  
FIrst, that it be a fertile soil. Secondly, an wholesome air. Thirdly, that there be water at will, and that sweet and good. Fourthly, thathe have good neighbours. And lastly, that the way thereunto be easy, fair, and commodious,  

To make Walls or Floores, that neither Snail, Weasle, Cat, Mouse, or Wevill, will come near, to destroy either Corn, or other thing.  
Make your walls or floors of what matter or substance you think meet, and let them be well dried, then take clay, and in the tempering thereof put in the foam o● dregs of Oyk that fleeteth on the top of Oil and mingle them well together, then take wild Olive trees leaves & put there among here with plaster your foresaid walls and fl●●res quite over and let it dry, then take th● said some of Oil, and rub it over the walls and out of doubt no vermin will approach it.   

To take away the good taste or savour of Oil.  
Hung Oil in a chimney where smoak● and sut are, and it spoileth the taste o● Oil, for it will not come near any heat bu● his own natural heat that it hath in itself   

How to order Oxen when they are newly unyoaked coming from labour.  
OF all beasts Oren are most subject t● hide binding, and therefore as soon a● they be come from their labour and be unyoaked, you ought to rub their necks where th● yoke touched, with your hand, and to press down the ●kinne of their backs, and then t● pull it as if you pulled it from the ribs, fo● that is a help that they shall not be hid● bound.   

To glaze pots within.  
TAke your vessel which must be well burned, then take red lead as much as you will, and put thereto a tenth part of water, and of Tartar nine parts, then mix them together, and glaze your pots as the manner is, for this is excellent.   

How to know all manner of sores.  
IF thou see an Impostume or other sore in what place of the body soever it be;  
First, take heed to the colour thereof, and if it be red and nesh in feeling, than it is engendered of evil blood, and if it be hot and moist withal, the signs where of it par taketh be Gemini, Libra, and Aquary, the Planet jupiter and Mercury, when the Moon or the Planet be in these signs, or in any of them, use no medicines to such a sore. If it be red and therewith hard, it is engendered of heat, and is hot and dry, the signs be dries, Leo, and Sagittarius, the Planets, Sol, & Mars, while the Moon is in these, use no medicine to the griened place.  
If if be white, grey or blackish affirm, saith Hypocrates, that it proceedeth of cold and dryness, if it be hard and the signs there, unto belonging to Taurus, Uirgo and Capricorn and Saturn, who is cold and dry is the Planet. Whilst the Moon is abiding in one of these signs, use no medicine to such a disease: but if the sore have these last named colours, or any of them, and there withal be not hard in feeling but nesh, say that it cometh of a cold moisture, as engendered of phlegm, the signs agreeing thereunto be Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, the Planets there, of answering, be Venus and the Moon. Thus easily may any one know whereof any swelling or sore doth come, as Hypocias' saith.   

To make Gunpowder.  
TAke what quantity of Saltpetre you will, and half so much quantity of quick brimstone, small cowls made of sallow or willow, half so much as of brimstone, and if you think it convenient, you may put thereto a little quick silver, then being them all to powder, and farce them, and put these in some hot place.   

Five devices at Cards.  
HOw to draw out the whole deck of Cauds, and to tell what every Card● is before you draw it out.  
Take the whole deck of Cards and hold them close together, and near unto/ your eye, and over against you hang a looking glass, and by it you shall see every card, to the amazement of the beholders.   

Or thus.  
Take a piece of a lookingglass in your left hand, unseen to the beholders, and so you shall perform the same:  
Also if you think these two ways too open or plain, take the cup, and put a little drink in your mouth, stooping down with your head, let a little quantity fall upon the table to the breadth of a shilling, then hold your cards as before is said, clo●e to your eye under the moisture, and the cards will shadowin such sort, that you may know every card before you draw it, and it is so hard to be descried, that in seven years you may scantly be perceived.  
Again if you deliver to your fellow one Card whasoever it be at a venture, and take two next following yourself, see how many those two are above ten, and so many you may affirm that you are more than he, and more than will make him ten, as to make it plain with an example.  
I put the case that I deliver to my friend standing by, the six of Clubs, and I take the two next Cards, which are the Qu●●ne of Hearts, and the four of Diamonds, I say therefore unto my friend, or lay a wager with him, that I have as many as he, as many as will make him ten, and four pippes to spare, and so is there.  
In like manner I deliver to a slander by two Cards, and take myself double the number, to wit four: I may say in like sort, that I have as many as he, and as many as will make him twenty, and so many to spars as I have pippes in my hand above twenty.  
So likewise delivering three Cards and taking six to yourself, you may say that you have as many as he, and as many as will make him thirty, and the odd pippes to spare: and thus you may do it to many Cards, in doubling the Cards, and respecting ten soevery Card.  
If your familiar friends be in company, you may take three knaves, and lay them with their faces downwards, but let two of them lie together, and the third by himself: than say to one with whom you may be bold: Whether had you rather of occasion served, to make the two Cards which lie together three, or to take part with this one, and make him two? then will he take the one or the others part, if he take the two, then say to him, here I pray you make them three knaves.  
Also if you take the four knaves, and lay them all together in such sort on the top or bottom, that the standers by perceive you not, and take three of them, and show them to the beholders saying, see you these three knaves? who will answer, yea: then prick away one of those three that you showed, and lay the other two in the place wherefrom you took them, and give the Cards one cut or two: you may then wager with them, that although you cut away one of the knaves that yet three are together still, which they will deny at the first, having not regarded what knave it was you did prick.  
Also if you lay all the coat Cards together, and when you have so done, came your companion to cut them four, or five or six times: you may affirm that by his so often cutting of them, all the coat Cards are together, for being once together, the cutting seldom parteth, which if you perceive by the bottom Card, cause him to give them one out more, so shall you have them all together.   

How to know if one Card be missing what Card it is.  
TAke the Carss and face them, and ever as you tell the pipe, and always at every ten cast it out of your mind, and count to ten till you come to the end, then maike what number is remaining at the end, and see what it wanteth of ten and that is the Card, and if ten be remaining, you may affirm that ten is missing. And by this way may you bid your friend or acquaintance, to take out of the deck any Card what he will, and yhu will tell him what it is presently: As for example, a friend takes the Ace of the Hearts, and I look or run over the Cards, and pass all the ten Cards, and the rest I tell casting away ten ever as I tell, and in the end I find but nine remaining in tale, therefore because nine wanteth but one of ten, I know that it is an Ace, and I run over the Cards again quickly to see which of the Aceses it is, and then I affirm to my friend that it is the Ace of hearts.   

To know what Card one thicketh.  
BID your friend think what Card he will, and then take the pack, and lay the Cards, Card by Card into three heaps with the faces upward, and when you have done, demand in which heap his Card is, and that heap lay nethermost, and in this sort do three times, and at the last time the Card which your friend thinketh will be the uppermost of that heap: marry if you cast them the fourth time also, remembering the Card at the third time, it will not so easily be perceived.   

Another.  
SHuffle the Cards, and show unto your friend the bottom Card, bidding him mark the Card that he know it well then put the Cards behind your back, and turn that bottom backward, that is to say, the back of that Card to the back of the deck, then show him the next bottom Card, and demand if that do his Card, than he will answer no: and in showing that Card, the other Card is in your sight, whereby you may know the Card as well as he.   

Another.  
Mark you the bottom Card privily, and then opening the Cards, bid one draw what Card him liketh, and when he hath drawn the Card and seen it, lay that Card close to your known Card, and then give him the Cards to cut or shuffle, whether he will, and ay that you can tell him his Card, or in drawing know when it cometh out, which easily you may do, for that it will come either the next before or the next after the marked Card.   

How to smell out the four Aceses, or four knaves being blindfolded.  
rub the edges of them with a little beaten pepper, and you may easily smell them from the rest.   

How to know whether one take up a King Card, or a Queen, being absent in another room.  
THis trick requireth the help of another, who must be in that room, and when the Card is taken up, he must first speak, and ask his fellow what it is, and if he see that the king is taken up, then must he ask his fellow short, saying what ist? but if the Queen be taken up, he must ask his fellow saying, what is it? And 〈◊〉 by the demand may he that is in another room tell justly▪ whether of them a slander by doth take up, to the wonder of the beholders.   

How to keep Wine from souring.  
When you fear that your wine will be sour, by reason of thundering or lightning, have always Look seeds in store for the same purpose, than pound some of them in a mortar, and put into your vessels of wine, and it will preserve it from being sour.   

How to keep Ale or Beer in Summer from souring.  
TAke a handful or two (according as the quantity of your vessel is in bigness) of the herb called Mugwort, and being well washed, and after well drained from the water, put it into your vessels of Beer and Ale, and it will not sour, a matter of small cost and greatest profit.   

To make Oil de Bay.  
TAke green Bay leaves, and stamp them with oil, and clean swine's grease, and being well stamped together put it into an earthen pot, and so let it stand to rot for the space of forty days at the least, and stop it very close, then at the forty days end, set it on the fire, and boil it with a soft fire, and put thereto the juice of parsley, then strain it and keep it very close.   

How to make Ginger bread.  
TAke two pound of scummed honey, twelve peund of flower, put thereto ginger beaten in powder, pepper, cloves, and mace, in powder, and make into what fashion you will, and bake it as you would dee bread.   

How to close or join together a sword, dagger, or knife, being broken a sunder.  
TAke an Adamant stone and burn it in the fire till it be red without, then shave off that red into a dish▪ take also two gads of steel broken into four pieces, vinegar a scruple, perdegreece an ounce, than put your steel, viveger, and verdegreece into a stillitory of glass, and let them still to water, and then mingle the powder of your burnt Adamant with the water and ●o put it into a viol, and keep it for your use.   

Or else thus.  
TAke Tin and melt it, and then put thereto as much Mercury, and mingle them well together so that you may make powder of them both, then take the powder of the Adamant, as much as of either of them, and mingle all these together, then take salt and Roman Vitriol, and still a water of them, and keep it in a glass well stopped. Now you corrosive water being made, take your blade that is broken, and lay it upon a plain board, being sure, that both the broken pieces lie as even together as may be, then lay a thread even about the same, and ihen put ware about the thread, and when thou hast done, draw away the thread, and lay of your powder in the place where your thread lay, and put a little of your corrosive water upon your powder, Factum est.   

A water to gild upon steel or iron.  
TAke an ounce of Argoll, two ounces of salt, an ounce of Alum, a quarter of an ounce of verdegreece, and grind them well together, then put thereto a pint of vinegar, and so let it stand a little season, and with that water mayst thou gild on what metal thou wilt.   

To make any gilt thing as high coloured as the Angel Noble.  
TAke Sal armoniac, and Uerdegréece, made in sottle powder, and put in piss, or in vinegar till it be thick like pap, then lay there of upon thy ring, or other thing whatsoever that gilt is, and lay it over a very small fire till it moke, and then put it in some close thing, and cover it till it be cold, & expertum est.   

How to gild with small cost.  
TAke a quart ofred wine, and see the it with brazell to a pint, then take gold-foile the Price of four pence and put thereto, then heat thy silver red hot, and quench it therein, and it shall finely gild.   

How to couch gold upon a cloth.  
TAke Bolearmoniacke and Close, and so grind them together, and lay it over the cloth some what warm, and ere it be dry, touch there on thy gold, & so let it dry throughly, and then mayst thou begin to burnish it.   

Another manner of way.  
TAke water and chalk and grind them well together, then strain it thorough a cloth, and then put it into a horn, and do thereto some rear of eggs, and then stir it well together, & set it ur some moist place, and the longer it standeth, the better it is, Expertum est.   

How to graft a vine upon a vine.  
TAke and cleave the stock of a vine, as you do other trees, and put the graft in the clist, and stop it well with ware and bind it fast.   

How to help a tree that is long before it bear fruit.  
TAke an anger or wimble, and bore a hole so deep as the pith of the tree at the least, then take a pin made of some dry hard timber, but see that you make it somewhat greater than the hole at the one end, and then take a hatchet or hammer, or any such like thing, and see you drive in the pin so forceably, that you cleave the stock a little, then take some wax, and stop the cliff close, and rest assured it will bear fruit the year following.   

How to have Peaches sooner by two months then other.  
Grafted your Peach on a Mulberry, or on a vine.   

How to have Plums all the Summer unto Alhallontide.  
Grafted one in another in the Sorbery tree, and in the Mulberry tree.   

How to make Meddlers and Cherries to abide until the new come.  
Grafted in a Mulberry tree as is aforesaid, and wet your grafts in honey, and put thereto powder of cloves.   

How to keep a Rose flesh a month and more.  
YOu may use it every day, and in the night put it into honey, and it will continue long, as hath been often proved.   

To have fruit without blossoms.  
Grafted upon a Ftigge tree, and the fruit that conuneth thereon will come without blossom.   

To have fruit that will endure two year.  
Grafted on a Warden, or upon a Quince tree.   

To have fruit without chore.  
TAke a graft, and set it into the stock at both the ends, so that the graft may grow like an half hoop.   

To have Cherries at Alhallontide.  
Grafted Cherry-trée grafts upon a Mulberry tree, or upon a sage stock, and the cherries that come thereon, will endure until the time aforesaid.   

To have Meddlers sooner by two months, and also greater than others.  
TAke your grafts and then wet them in honey, and then graft them either upon a Mulberry tree, or on a thorn.   

To have ripe Pears very soon.  
Grafted your Pears upon a Hawthorn, and you shall have early Pears.   

To have Pears very late.  
Graft upon a Warden tree.   

To have Wardens betimes.  
Grafted upon a Mulberry, or upon the Quince tree.   

To have Mulberries very soon.  
Graft upon the thorn.   

To have them late.  
Graft them upon the Medier tree.   

To have a half Pear, and a half Apple to grow together.  
TAke two grafts, the one of the Apple tree, and another of a Pear tree, and cleave them in such sort, that you may finely join the one half of the Apple to the other half of the Pear, but it must be done so closely, that no water enter into them, and the fruit that cometh of them, will be of tallage both of the apple and the pear.  
The principal thing for grafting of any thing, is ever throe or four days before the change of the Moon. And for planting, the day of the change, and the two next days following are best for any thing.   

How to make letters of gold.  
TAke gum of Almonds and grind it to powder, then temper it with Uermillion as finely ground: let your gum be dissolved in the white of an egg, and mingle them all together, and temper them in such sort, that you may write therewith, and when you think it convenient, use thereof with your pen, and the letters that you make, will soeme to be of gold. Probatum est.   

How to make a Serpent fly from a man.  
LEt him approach near to a Serpent naked, and he will fly from him, whereas being clothed, he will leap upon him, and the fasting spittle of a man killeth him: wherefore when a Serpent is in danger, he wriggleth himself to save his head wherein lieth his heart.   

The nature of the Raven.  
THe property of the Raven is to have such a delight in her own beauty, that she vouchsafeth not to give her young ones food, until she see wherether they be black of colour or not.   
FINIS.