A new Book of new Conceits, with a number of Novelties annexed thereunto.  
Whereof some be profitable, some necessary, some strange, none hurtful, and all delectable.  
Laboris condimentum otium.  
By THOMAS JOHNSON.  
LONDON, Printed by E. A. for Edward Wright and Cuthbert Wright. 1630.   


A MOST PRETTY Conceit, to know if two go to warfare, and the one be taken prisoner, to tell the other of all his being, if he may see him that is at liberty, and thus it is.  
IMagine that two Brothers went to war, and before they entered battle, they concluded, that if any thing happened to the one, more than to the other, so that they were taken, or in prison, that then the other that was imprisoned, shall declare his state and abode by signs in this manner, out of the Chamber where he is, he should take three firebrands, three burning candes, or whatsoever was easiest to been gotten, and these three shall be in stead of all the letters.  
One candle when it is showed out alone, should stand for the seven letters, A. B. C. D. E. F. G. two candles for H. I. K. L. M. N. O. P. Q. R. S. T. V. X. Y. Z. Now the variety is in the showing of them: for if you show one candle one time, it standeth for A. if you show it twice, it standeth for B. if thrice, for C. if four times, for D. if five times, for E. if six times, for F. if seven times, for G. In like manner if you show out two candles once, it standeth for H. if twice, for I. if thrice, for K, etc.  
And so likewise if that the three lights been showed once it noteth P. if twice, Q. if thrice▪ R. and so forth: As for example, if you would certify that your Brother is taken, you must show one light twice, then for R. three lights thrice, for O. two lights seven times, for T. you must show three lights five times, for H. two lights once, for E. one light five times, and then again from R. three lights thrice, and then have you the whole word Brother certified, and so for the rest, for it is set down plain and easy enough.   

To make White Roses Red.  
TAke your White Roses and hold them over the perfume or smoke of red Wine, and they will soon became red.   

Of the nature of Beasts.  
THe Ox is constant, the Ass flow, the Horse lusty, the Wolf not to be made gentle, the Fox crafty, the Pismeare painful, the Bee sparing, the Dog prompt to friendship, the Lion solitary, the Bear most sluggish, the Panther most vehement.   

To know whether ground be fat, or not.  
BEsprinkle a turf, or clod of that earth with fresh water, and if it be clammy or glewing together, and sticking to the fingers, assure yourself there is fatness enough in it.   

To make Worms come out of any garden ground.  
TAke walnut husks while they are green, and infuse them in water taken out of some pit, or seeth them, and with this water besprinkle or moisten your garden, & you shall perceive an infinite number of worms to come out of the ground.   

Signs of long life.  
TO us crooked shouldered, large nostrils, to have above two and thirty teeth, short fingered, thick and clear coloured.   

Signs of short life.  
TO be thin toothed, to have long fingers, and a leady colour.  
Man's life is likened to an apple, which when it is full ripe, falleth off the tree of his own accord, or else by tempest of wind or other casualty is beat down, before it cometh to his due and perfect, ripeness.   

A rule of the Chaldees to know whether a man or his wife shall dye first.  
TAke both their names as they were baptised, as near as you can, and count the letters of both their names, whether they be even or odd, for if they be even, than the party that is elder shall dye first, if the letters be odd, than the younger shall dye first.   

Whether a man shall live or dye the year following.  
LEt the party let one drop only of his blood, either of his nose or of his finger, or elsewhere, fall into a dish full of fair water, and if it descend whole in one drop, without parting to the bottom of the dish, it is a likelihood that he may live that year, else not.  
Sed hoc nemini, nisi solùm Deo cognitum est.  
The common people in Flanders, of long time held opinion, that if twelve men or twelve women went together to a banquet, that one of those twelve should dye within one year after.   

To know what disease any sick body hath, by the day and hour of his falling sick.  
IF any fall sick upon a Sunday, say, and affirm, that his disease is of heat, and that of yellow choler, and that he is sick at the heart, and that all his members are grieved. And if it so happen that he fall sick in the hour of the Sun, his body then is of an exceeding heat, and is pained at the heart and reins.  
If he fall sick upon a Monday, and in the hour of the Moon, his disease is of cold and moisture, and the pain lieth on the right side, and without speedy help he is in danger.  
On Tuesday he that falleth sick, laboureth of such diseases as are hot and dry, as fevers, thoughts, burning in the reins. If in the hour of Mars, fevers fear, yellow choler, signifieth the things evil to be at hand, etc.  
On Wednesday the lungs are grieved, he draweth his breath with great pain, and all His whole body and senses also are troubled very sore. In the hour of Mercury he hath some swelling in his body, and pain in his loins, being sprung of a sudden great heat and taking cold after it.  
On Thursday, the disease is of abundance of blood, of great heat of liver, and under the Light about the right side, and that he hath a fever. In the hour of jupiter the liver is not well, and the body is greatly troubled with a cold quivering or shaking, yet the disease is not long to endure.  
On Friday, say the disease cometh of faintness, or contraction about the loins, reins, stones, backebone, and under the belly. If it be in the hour of Venus, saiy it is cold.  
On Saturday, say the disease is of cold and dryness, and that the disease is like to continue long, sprung in the milt, and that all their members are grieved, especially the stomach. In the hour of Saturn, the disease cometh by wind and cold, and the loins and spleen are infected.  
The hours of the Planets shall be set out in a Table for that purpose, God willing hereafter.   

Why A. and E. be the foremost vowels rather than the rest.  
A Is set foremost, because every manchild when he cometh into this world, cryeth A, A, A, as who would say Adam, Adam.  
E Likewise, next vowel to it, for that every female child first cryeth E, E, as who would say, Eve, Eue.  
A Is thought to be the first letter of the row, because by it we may understand Trinity, and Unity: the Trinity in that there be three lines, and the Unity, in that it is but one letter.  
And for that cause, in old time they used three pricks at the latter end of the Cross row, and at the end of their books which the● caused children to call tittle, tittle, tittle: signifying, that as there were three pricks, 〈…〉 and those three made but one stop, even so there were three Persons, and yet but one God.   

To cut a glass asunder.  
TAke a wire and buckle or bend the one end just the compass of the glass, where you mean to have it cut, than put the wire into the fire, and make it red hot, and then put it over the glass just where it should be cut, and it will cut it most finely.   

Whether a journey shall be prosperous or not.  
ANd if thou wouldst go out of the town, and wouldst know whether it be to thy profit or not, of the first man that thou meetest, after thou goest out of doors, ask his name, and if his name begin with any of these letters, a, e, i, o, u, it betokeneth good profit, p, y, x, joy, g, h, k, betokeneth heritage, l, m, n, s, thou shalt not speed, c, r, t, 〈…〉 ote harm, b, f, worst of all. An old rule.   

Whether a woman with child be with a son or a daughter.  
Milk a drop of a woman's milk upon your thumb, or into a dish of water, and if it spread abro●d and continue not in the form that it fell, it is a girl, if it continue perfect without spreading, it is a boy.   

Pretty questions.  
Three Minstrels there were, who travelling in the Country with their three, wives, made a convenant amongst themselves, that if any of their wives were out of the presence of her own husband, with either of the other twain, it should be lawful for that party with whom she was, to make her husband a cuckold. This bargain concluded on, within a day or two after, it chanced that they came to a river, over which they must needs pass, but there was neither bridge nor boat that could carry them all over. At length they chanced upon a little boat which would carry over but two at once, and there was no body to row but themselves, so that one must needs bring back again the boat for the other. Now the question is, how these might be brought over, and none of these be a Cuckold.  
Answer.  
LEt two of the wife's row themselves over, and then let one of those come over again and faith the third wife, then must one of them come back, and let two of the men come over to their wives, and she tarry on the hither side with her own husband, then shall a man and his wife come over again, and leave his wife with the other man's wife, and he and that other man shall go over: then shall the wife that is there with them fetch one of those women over, and then shall a man go over and fetch his wife, and then are they all over and no man cuckold.   

The second question of a man that had three daughters to marry.  
THere was a poor man that had three daughters, and these were all to be married, and their father being but poor, had nothing to give them but nine pipes of oil, and in the first pipe there was but one gallon of oil, in the second two gallons, in the third three gallons, in the fourth four gallons, and so every pipe having a gallon more than the other, so that the last had nine gallons of oil. Now this poor man is desirous to bestow these nine pipes upon his three daughters, but so, that every one might have as much as the other, I demand how this may be?  
Answer.  
FIrst you must know that there been fort● five gallons in the whole, then to the first daughter shall be given three vessels, to wit, the vessel wherein is one gallon, the vessel 〈◊〉 five gallons, and the vessel of nine gallons, s● hath she three pipes and fifteen gallons of oil. To the second give the pipes wherein are the two gallons, the six and the seven gallons, so she hath also three pipes and fifteen gallons. Then let the third daughter have the rest, that is, the vessels of three▪ four and eight gallons, and then are the 〈…〉 equally divided.   

The third question of two men travelling.  
TWo men of acquaintance travelling from London together, till they came to Sain● Alban's, the business of the one was such that he must needs go beside the commo● may, and so go by Newport-pannell, th● other of force must go by Stony-Stratford & yet both must come thorough Northampton▪ The first man's business is such, that the fir●● day he can go but one mile, the second b● two miles, the third day three miles, t●● fourth day four, the fifth day five, the sixth day six miles, and so every day one mile further than he did the day before. The other man's business is such, that he can take east journeys, and therefore he would know how many miles he should go every day to meet his fellow at Northampton, and how many days he should be.  
Answer.  
FRom Saint Albon to Northampton are thirty and six miles, and he that increaseth his journey every day a mile, will be eight days ere he gets thither, than the other must go every day four miles and a half to meet him at Northampton.   

The fourth question of three women that sold Apples.  
Three women there were, which came to London with Apples, being all neighbour's, and their husbands commanded that ●hey should all sit together, and every one full ●s many for money as another, and every one notwithstanding to bring home as much mo●ey as the other, although the number was ●nequall, for the first brought but sixteen apples to the market, the second forty two, and the third three score and one. Now I demand how this might be?  
Answer.  
THe first sold ten Apples for a penny, so had she three remaining.  
The second sold forty for four pence, and hath two left.  
The third sold threescore for seven pence, and had but one left.  
Now the women seeing customers to press about them for the Apples that were unsold, made a bargain between themselves to sell every Apple for three pence, of them that were unsold: so the first who had three apples left, had nine pence for three, and a penny for her other, which made ten pence. The second who had two left, sold them for six pence, which with the four pence she had received before, made her ten pence also. The third for threescore had received seven pence, and for the odd one three pence, which also made ten pence. So these women sold ten for a penny, and then one for a penny, and so every one of them sold as good pennyworths as the other, and brought their husband's just as much money home one as the other.   

The fifth question of kindred.  
TWo men marry each others mother that is to say, john marrieth William's mother, and William marrieth john's mother, and every of these hath a child by his wife, I would know what kin these children are?  
Answer.  
Either is others uncle.   

The sixth question is of three Merchants travelling.  
Three Merchants there are in a strange Country travelling on foot, and these have two packs to be carried to the next Town, which is three miles from them, and they cannot hire these packs to be carried, so that of necessity they must carry their packs themselves, and every one of them grieveth to carry more than his fellows, as also to carry them further, and thereupon they conclude together, that every man shall bear one pack just two miles. Now I demand how this may be?  
Answer.  
LEt two of them take up the two packs and bear them one mile, and at the miles end, let one of them deliver his pack to him that went empty, and let the first carry it his full two mile, so likewise he that took the burden at the first miles end, let him carry it to the Town, then let him that carried the pack but one mile, take the first man's pack, and carry it to the journey's end: so either of them hath carried one pack two miles, and thus the question is absolved.   

The seventh question is of Birds.  
A Gentleman on a time being merrily disposed, called his Steward, and delivered unto him thirty pence, commanding him to go to the market and bestow that money in Fouled, but in such sort, that he should buy but three sorts: to wit, Larks, Woodcocks, and Ducks▪ Larks, at two a penny, Woodcocks a penny a piece, and Ducks at two pence apéece, and of all these three sorts, he must bring thirty in number. The question is to know how many of each sort he must have, to bring his money equal with the tale of Birds.  
Answer.  
fourteen Larks according to the rate before specified, come to seven pence▪ nine Woodcocks, nine pence: seven Ducks come to fourteen pence. So will there be thirty Fowls at the Master's price, and the thirty pence justly bestowed.   

The eighth question of two men driving sheep.  
TWo men driving sheep in two several parts, met together in Smithfield, whereputting them into several pens, it chanced that two of the sheep belonging to the one man, ran omong the other man's sheep. The man that lacked his sheep, demanded his sheep of the other: nay, quoth the other 〈…〉 pray thee let them be with mine, and then 〈…〉 number equal, the one of 〈…〉 hath no more than the other: Nay, rather, said the other man, than it should be so, give me two of your sheep and mine own, and then shall I have twice so many as you. I de●ire to know how many sheep either of these 〈…〉▪  
Answer.  
ONe of them had ten, and the other had fourteen.   

The ninth question of fish.  
A Woman went into fish-stréet to buy fish, and there she bought three Plaice, which three together cost her eight pence, at her return home, her husband demanded the price of them: They cost me eight pence, quoth the good wife, tell me, gentle wife, said the husband, what is that apéece, for it seemeth to me that they are all of an equal goodness. The woman making small account of so small a reckoning, began to say that it was two pence half penny, and a half penny over: that is true, said the husband, but I would know the very true price of each of them. The silly woman could not do it, and therefore requesteth all good women to help her.  
Answer.  
A Mite is the four and twentieth part of a penny, wherefore twelve mites make an halfpenny, and the third part of an halfpenny is four mites, therefore to conclude, each Plaice cost two pence halfpenny and four mites, and the question is absolved.   

Another.  
A Poor man in the North Country being far, from neighbours, but only one poor woman within a quarter of a mile, came to this poor woman lacking drink, to borrow two gallons of Ale. The poor woman was contented to lend her two gallons out of her store, which was eight gallons, but they lacked a measure, for she had two measures, the one of three gallons, and the other was of five gallons: I would know how with these two measures, I might measure out two gallons justly?  
Answer.  
I Answer thus: fill the five gallons vessel, and then out of that five gallons vessel, pour out the three gallons vessel full, and so will there be left two gallons in the five gallons vessel.   

Another question.  
A Ship being upon the sea, and in jeopardy, wherein are men to the number of thirty, whereof fifteen are Christians, and fifteen Turks: Now a tempest arising, necessity constrains that some must be cast over-bodrd for the safety of the rest, and the Christians refuse to be cast over,▪ so do the Turks, and in the end there was no remedy, but needs they must be thrown over. To be brief, the Master of the ship (as well to end the contention, as also to save the Christians) appointed that they should be set in order, and that every ninth man should be cast over. I demand how they should be placed, that all the Christians might be saved?  
Answer.  
FIrst place four Christians, than five Saracens, than two Christians & one Turk, next three Christians and one Sarazen, after them one Christian and two Saracens, than two Christians and three Saracens, next one Christian and two Turks, than two Christians and one Sarazen. You may do this same at the Cards, by taking red Cards for the Christians, and black for the Turks, or chose.   

The nature of the Raven.  
A Ristotle affirmeth, that when the Raven waxoth old and feeble, that then th● young ones help them, and bear them o● their shoulders. And the same Author faith that the Ravens lay many eggs, in somuc● that the Male breaketh some of them, and throweth them out of the nest, the Female only sitteth on the brood, and the Male brings them meat all that time. And which is strange (he saith) that the Raven sitteth her brood in the very heat of Summer, against the kind of other Birds or Fowls. Of which or the like opinion is Petronius, who saith, that the Raven layeth when that fruits be ripe.   

The nature of the Owl and of the Chough.  
IN like case Aristotle saith, that the eggs of Owls be small, speckled and brickle▪ shelled, containing little yolk and much white. The greatest enemy that the Owl hath is the Cough, for all the day time he seeketh to break her eggs, even as the Owl by night seeketh to spoil the eggs of the Rhough, and therefore whensoever they meet, they fight together.   

A special rule in Gardening.  
LEt any Gardener, orplanter, or setter of herbs, have an especial care what ●earbs or Plants they plant, set, or sow together, for if they set such as are enmity together, the one hindereth the prosperous increase of the other. Also if herbs which be hot and dry of nature, be set or sown together, or the one near the other, the one withdraweth the sap, moisture, and nourrishment of the other. A thing most true, yet seldom considered.  
Seldom shall you see any vine planted by a day tree to prosper, or bring forth either store of grapes, or any pleasant grape, for that the vine detesteth the bay, insomuch as you shall never see a vine clasp herself about the bay, but refusing it, will rather grow on the ground without hold.  
The Colwort is likewise an enemy to the vine, wherefore let Gardeners take heed how they plant any of these together.   

When to dung land, that no herbage, or at the least very little shall grow among the Corne.  
BE sure that you carry out your compost ever when the Moon is decreasing in light, that is, in the wane of the Moon, and you shall find it true by your own experience, that your Corn will not be full of weeds.   

Flax is very unprofitable to land.  
THough Flax be profitable to a Commonwealth, yet Flax is an enemy to every good ground, and profiteth not, except it be sown in the fattest ground, and that is somewhat moist. The chiefest time to sow the same (saith Collumella) is from the Kalends of October, to the seven Ides of September, yet it is sowed in February and March.  
Tremellius saith, that Flax and the Cicers are hurtful to good ground, because the one is of burning nature, and the other salt.  
Note that lean ground that is not dunged is of nature cold, and ground dunged overmuch, is of a very hot burning nature.   

How to make a varnish to gild letters with.  
TAke four ounces of Linséed oil, two ounces of resin in the Pine, & one ounce of Aloes Cabalme and boil all these together on the fire till all the superfluities be consumed, and it will be clear and burn without cracking and then it is perfect.  
FINIS.