THE FOUNTAIN OF SELF-LOVE. Or CYNTHIA'S REVELS.  
As it hath been sundry times privately acted in the Blackfriars by the Children of her majesties Chapel. Written by BEN: JOHNSON.  
Quod non dant Proceres, dabit Histrio.  
Haud tamen invideas vati, quem pulpita pascunt.  
Imprinted at London for Walter Burr, and are to be sold at his shop in Paul's Churchyard, at the sign of the Flower de-Luce and Crown. 1601.   

The number and names of the Actors.  

1. Cynthia.  
2. Mercury.  
3. Cupid.  
4. Hesperus.  
5. Echo.  
6. Criticus.  
7. Arete.  
8. Amorphus.  
9 Phantaste.  
10. Asotus.  
11. Argurion.  
12. Hedon.  
13. Philautia.  
14. Anaides.  
15. Moria.  
16. Prosaites.  
17. Cos.  
18. Morus.  
19 Gelaia.  
20. Phronesis.  


21. Thauma.  
22. Tim E.   Mutes.    

AD LECTOREM.  Nasutum volo, nolo polyposum.  

Praeludium.  Enter three of the Children. 1. 
PRay you away; why Children? God's so! what do you mean?  2. 
Mary that you shall not speak the Prologue Sir.  3. 
Why? do you hope to speak it?  2. 
ay, & I think I have most right to it; I am sure I studied it first.  3. 
That's all one, if the Author think I can speak it better.  1. 
I plead possession of the Cloak: Gentles, your suffrages for God's sake.  
Why Children, are you not ashamed? come in there.  Within. 3. 
'Slid, I'll play nothing i'the Play: unless I speak it.  1. 
Why? will you stand to most voices of the Gentlemen? let that decide it.  3. 
O no Sir Gallant; you presume to have the start of us there, and that makes you offer so bountifully.  1. 
No, would I were whipped, if I had any such thought; try it by Lots either.  2. 
Faith, I dare tempt my Fortune in a greater venture than this.  3. 
Well said resolute jack: I am Content too; so we draw first. make the Cuts.  1. 
But will you not snatch my Cloak while I am stooping?  3. 
No, we scorn treachery.  2. 
Which Cut shall speak it?  3. 
The shortest.  1. 
Agreed: Draw.— The shortest is come to the shortest. Fortune was not altogether blind in this: Now Children, I hope I shall go forward without your envy.  2. 
A spite of all mischievous luck: I was once plucking at the other.  3. 
Stay jack: 'Slid I'll do somewhat now afore I go in, though it be nothing but to revenge myself of the Author; since I speak not his Prologue. I'll go tell all the Argument of his Play aforehand, and so stale his Invention to the Auditory before it come forth.  1. 
O do not so.  At the breaches in this speech following, the other two Boys interrupt him. 2. 
By no means.  3. 
First the Title of his Play is CYNTHIA'S Revels, as any man (that hath hope to be saved by his Book) can witness; the Scene, GARGAPHIA: which I do vehemently suspect for some Fustian Country; but let that vanish. Here is the Court of Cynthia; whither he brings Cupid (travailing on foot) resolved to turn Page: By the way Cupid meets with Mercury, (as that's a thing to be noted, take any of our Playbooks without a Cupid, or a Mercury in it, and burn it for an Heretic in Poetry)— Pray thee let me alone: Mercury, he, (in the nature of a conjuror) raises up Echo: who weeps over her Love, or Daffodil Narcissus, a little; sings; curses the Spring wherein the pretty foolish Gentleman melted himself away: and there's an end of her— Now, I am to inform you, that Cupid, and Mercury do both become Pages: Cupid attends on Philautia, or Self-love, a Court● Lady: Mercury follows Hedon the voluptuous Courtier; one that ranks himself even with Anaides, or the impudent Gallant, (and, that's my part:) a Fellow that keeps 
* Gelaia.  Laughter the daughter of 
* Moria.  Folly (a wench in Boy's attire) to wait on him— These, in the Court, meet with Amorphus, or the Deformed, a travailer that hath drunk of the Fountain, and there tells the wonders of the Water; they presently dispatch away their Pages with Bottles to fetch of it, and themselves go to visit the Ladies: But I should have told you— Look, these Emmets put me out here: that with this Amorphus, there comes along a Citizenss heir, Asotus, or the Prodigal, who (in Imitation of the traveler, that hath the 
* Cos.  Whetstone, following him▪) entertains the 
* Prosaites  Beggar, to be his Attendant.— Now the Nymphs, who are Mistresses, to these Gallants, are Philautia, Self-love; Phantaste, A light Wittiness; Argurion, Money; and their Guardian, Mother Moria; or Mistress Folly.—  2 
Pray thee no more.  3. 
There Cupid strikes Money in love with the Prodigal; makes her dote upon him, give him jewels, Bracelets, Carcanets, etc. all which (he most ingeniously) departs withal, to be made known to the other Ladies, and Gallants; and in the heat of this, increases his train with the 
* Morus.  Fool to follow him, as well as the Beggar— By this time your Beggar begins to wait close, who is returned with the rest of his fellow Bottle-men— There they all drink save Argurion, who is fallen into a sudden Apoplexy—  1. 
Stop his mouth.  3. 
And then there's a retired 
* Criticus.  Scholar there, you would not wish a thing to be better contemned of a Society of Gallants, than it is: and he applies his service (good Gentleman) to the Lady Arete, or Virtue, a poor Nymph of Cynthia's train, that's scarce able to buy herself a Gown, you shall see her play in a Black Robe anon: A Creature, that (I assure you) is no less scorned, than himself. Where am I now? at a stand?  2. 
Come, leave at last yet.  3. 
O, the Night is come, ('twas somewhat dark, me thought) and Cynthia intends to come forth: That helps it a little yet. All the Courtiers must provide for Revels; they conclude upon a mask, the devise of which, is— what will you ravish me? that each of these Vices, being to appear before Cynthia, would seem other then indeed they are: and therefore assume the most neighbouring Virtues as their masking Habits— I'd cry a Rape but that you are Children.  2. 
Come, we'll have no more of this Anticipation; to give them the Inventory of their Cates aforehand, were the discipline of a Tavern, and not fiting this Presence.  1. 
Tut, this was but to show us the happiness of his Memory; I thought at first he would have played the Ignorant Critic with every thing along as he had gone; I expected some such devise.  3. 
O you shall see me do that rarely; lend me thy Cloak.  1. 
Soft Sir, you'll speak my Prologue in it?  3. 
No, would I might never stir then.  2. 
Lend it him, lend it him:  1. 
Well, you have sworn?  .3 
I have. Now Sir; suppose I am one of your Gentile Auditors, that am come in (having paid my money at the Door with much ado) and here I take my place, and sit down: I have my three sorts of Tobacco, in my Pocket, my Light by me; and thus I Begin. By Gods so, I wonder that any man is so mad, to come to see these rascally Tits play here— They do act like so many Wrens or Pismires— not the fifth part of a good Face amongst them all— And then their Music is abominable— able to stretch a man's Ears worse, than ten— Pillories, and their Ditties— most lamentable things, like the pitiful Fellows that make them— Poets. By God's lid, and 'twere not for Tobacco— I think— the very stench of 'em would poison me, I should not dare to come in at their Gates— A man were better visit fifteen jails— or a dozen or two of Hospitals— then once adventure to come near them. How is't? well?  1. 
Excellent; give me my Cloak.  3. 
Stay; you shall see me do another now: but a more sober, or better-gathered Gallant; that is (as it may be thought) some Friend, or wellwisher to the House: And here I Enter.  1. 
What? upon the Stage too?  2. 
Yes: and I step forth like one of the Children, and ask you; Would you have Stool Sir?  3. 
A Stool Boy?  2. 
I Sir, if you'll give me six Pence, I'll fetch you one.  .3 
For what I pray thee? what shall I do with it?  2. 
O God Sir! will you betray your Ignorance so much? why, throne yourself in state on the Stage, as other Gentlemen use Sir.  3. 
Away Wag: what wouldst thou make an Implement of me? 'Slid the Boy takes me for a piece of Prospective (I hold my life) or some silk Curtain, come to hang the Stage here: Sir Crack I am none of your fresh Pictures, that use to beautify the decayed dead Arras, in a public Theatre.  2. 
'tis a sign Sir, you put not that Confidence in your good Clothes, and your better Face, that a Gentleman should do Sir. But I pray you Sir, let me be a Suitor to you, that you will quit our Stage then, and take a Place, the Play is instantly to begin.  3. 
Most willingly my good wag: but I would speak with your Author, where's he?  2. 
Not this way, I assure you Sir, we are not so officiously befriended by him, as to have his Presence in the Tiring-house, to prompt us aloud, stamp at the Book-holder, swear for our Properties, curse the poor Tire-man, rail the music out of tune, and sweat for every venial trespass we commit, as some Author would, if he had such fine Ingles as we: well, 'tis but our hard Fortune.  3. 
Nay Crack be not disheartened.  2. 
Not I Sir: but if you please to confer with our Author by Attorney, you may Sir: our proper self here stands for him.  3. 
Troth, I have no such serious affair to negotiate with him; but what may very safely be turned upon thy trust: It is in the general behalf of this fair Society here, that I am to speak; at least the more judicious part of it: which seems much distasted with the immodest and obscene writing of many, in their Plays. Besides, they could wish, your Poets would leave to be Promoters of other men's jests; and to waylay all the stale Apothegms, or old Books, they can hear of (in Print or otherwise) to farce their Scenes withal: That they would not so penuriously glean wit, from every Laundress, or Hackneyman; or derive their best grace (with servile Imitation) from Common Stages, or Observation of the Company, they converse with; as if their Invention lived wholly upon another man's Trencher. Again; that feeding their friends with nothing of their own, but what they have twice, or thrice Cooked) they should not wanton give out, how soon they had dressed it; nor how many Coaches came to carry away the broken-meate, besides Hobby-horses and foot-cloth Nags.  2. 
So Sir, this is all the Reformation you seek?  3. 
It is: do not you think it necessary to be practised, my little wag?  2. 
Yes; where there is any such ill-habited Custom received.  3. 
O, I had almost forgot it too: they say, the Vmbrae, or Ghosts of some three or four Plays, departed a dozen years since, have been seen walking on your Stage here; Take heed Boy, if your House be haunted with such Hobgoblins, 'twill fright away all your Spectators quickly.  2. 
Good Sir. But what will you say now, if a Poet (untouched with any breath of this disease) find God's Tokens upon you, that are of the Auditory? As some one Civet- Wit among you, that knows no other Learning, than the price of Satin and Velvets; nor other Perfection, than the wearing of a Neat Suit; & yet will censure as desperately as the most professed Critic in the house: presuming, his clothes should bear him out in't. Another (whom it hath pleased Nature to furnish with more Beard, than Brain) prunes his Mustachio; lisps; and (with some score of affected Oaths) swears down all that sit about him; That the old Hieronimo, (as it was first acted) was the only best, and judiciously-pend Play, of Europe. A third great-bellied juggler talks of twenty years since, and when Monsieur was here; and would enforce all Wit to be of that fashion, because his Doublet is still so. A fourth mis-calles all by the name of Fustian, that his grounded Capacity cannot aspire too. A fifth only shakes his Bottle Head, and out of his Corky Brain, squeezeth out a pittifull-learned Face, and is silent.  3. 
By my Faith, jack, you have put me down: I would I knew how to get off with any indifferent Grace: Here take your Cloak, and promise some satisfaction in your Prologue, or (I'll be sworn) we have ward all.  Exit. 2. 
Tut fear not Sall: this will never distaste a true Sense. Be not cut, and good enough: I would thou hadst some Sugar candied, to Sweeten thy Mouth.  Exit.  

Prologus.  
IF gracious silence, sweet Attention,  
Quick sight, and quicker apprehension,  
(The lights of judgements throne) shine any where;  
Our doubtful author hopes, this is their Sphere  
And therefore opens he himself to those,  
To other weaker Beams, his labours close;  
As loath to prostitute their virgin strain,  
To every vulgar, and adulterate brain.  
In this alone, his Muse her sweetness hath,  
She shuns the print of any beaten path;  
And proves new ways to come to learned ears:  
Pied ignorance she neither loves. nor fears.  
Nor hunts she after popular applause,  
Or foamy praise, that drops from common jaws;  
The garland that she wears, their hands must twine,  
Who can both censure, understand, define  
What Merit is: Then cast those piercing rays,  
Round as a crown, instead of honoured Bays,  
About his Poesy; which (he knows) affords,  
Words above Action: matter, above words.  Exit.  

Actus Primus,  

Scena prima.  Cupid. Mercury. 
WHo goes there?  Mer. 
'tis I, blind Archer.  Cup. 
Who? Mercury?  Mer. 
I.  Cup. 
Farewell.  Mer. 
Stay Cupid.  Cup. 
Not in your company Hermes, except your hands were riveted at your back.  Mer. 
Why so my little Rover?  Cup. 
Because I know, you ha' not a finger, but is as long as my quiver, (cousin Mercury,) when you please to extend it.  Mer. 
Whence derive you this speech Boy?  Cup. 
O! 'tis your best policy to be Ignorant: you did never steal Mars his sword out of the sheath; you? nor Neptune's Trident; nor Apollo's Bow; no, not you? Alas your palms (jupiter knows) they are as tender as the foot of a foundered Nag, or a Lady's face new Mercuried; they'll touch nothing.  Mer. 
Go to (Infant) you'll be daring still.  Cup. 
Daring? O janus, what a word is there? why my light fether-heeld Cousin, what are you, any more than my uncle Ioues Pander, a Lackey that runs on errands for him, and can whisper a light message to a loose wench with some round volubility, wait at a table with a Trencher, and warble upon a Crowd a little; One that sweeps the Gods drinking room every morning, and sets the Cushions in order again which they threw one at another's head overnight? here's the Catalogue of all your Employments now. O no, I err: you have the Marshalling of all the Ghosts too, that pass the Stygian ferry; and I suspect you for a share with the old Sculler there, if the truth were known; but let that scape: one other peculiar virtue you possess in lifting or Legerdemain (which few of the house of Heaven have else beside) I must confess; But (me thinks) that should not make you set such an extreme distance twixt yourself and others, that we should be said too over-dare in speaking to your nimble Deity: So Hercules might challenge a priority of us both, because he can throw the Bar farther, or lift more joyndstooles at the arms end then we. If this might carry it; then we (who have made the whole body of Divinity tremble at the twang of our Bow, and enforced Saturnius himself to lay by his curled front, Thunder, and three forkd-fiers, and put on a Masking suit, too light for a reveler of eighteen to be seen in—  Mercu. 
How now my dancing Braggart in Decimo sexto? charm your skipping tongue, or I'll—  Cup. 
What? use the virtue of your Snaky Tipstaffe there upon us?  Mer. 
No Boy, but the stretched vigour of mine arm about your ears; you have forgot since I took your heels up into air, (on the very hour I was borne) in sight of all the bench of Deities, when the silver roof of the Olympian Palace rung again with the applause of the fact.  Cup. 
O no, I remember it freshly, and by a particular instance; for my mother Venus (at the same time) but stooped to embrace you, and (to speak by Metaphor) you borrowed a Girdle of hers, as you did Ioues Sceptre (while he was laughing) and would have done his thunder too, but that, 'twas too hot for your itching fingers.  Mer. 
'tis well sir.  Cup. 
I heard you but looked in at Vulcan's Forge the other day, and entreated a pair of his new Tongues along with you for company: 'tis joy on you (I faith) that you will keep your hooked talons in practice with any thing. 'Slight, now you are on earth, we shall have you filch Spoons and Candlesticks rather than fail: pray jove the perfumed Courtiers keep their Casting-bottles, Picktooths, and Shittle-cocks from you, or our more ordinary Gallants their Tabaco-boxes, for I am strangely jealous of your nails.  Mer. 
Near trust me Cupid, but you are turned a most acute gallant of late, the edge of my wit is clear taken off with the fine and subtle stroke of your thin-ground tongue, you fight with too poignant a phrase, for me to deal with.  Cup. 
O Hermes, your craft cannot make me confident, I know my own steel to be almost spent, and therefore entreat my peace with you in time: you are too cunning for me to encounter at length, and I think it my safest ward to close.  Mer. 
Well for once, I'll suffer you to come within me wag, but use not these strains too often, they le stretch my patience. Whether might you march now?  Cup. 
Faith (to recover thy good thoughts) I'll discover my whole project. The Huntress and queen of these groves, Diana (in regard of some black and envious slanders hourly breathed against her for her divine justice on Actaeon as she pretends) hath here in the vale of Geography proclaimed a solemn revels, which she will grace with the full and royal expense of one of her clearest moons: In which time it shall be lawful for all sorts of ingenuous persons, to visit her palace, to court her Nymphs, to exercise all variety of generous and noble pastimes, as well to intimate how far she treads such malicious imputations beneath her, as also to show how clear her beauties are from the least wrinkle of Austerity, they may be charged with.  Mer. 
But what is all this to Cupid?  Cup. 
Here do I mean to put off the title of a God, and take the habit of a Page, in which disguise (during the Interim of these revels) I will get to follow some one of Diana's maids, where (if my bow hold, and my shafts fly but with half the willingness and aim they are directed) I doubt not but I shall really redeem the minutes I have lost by their so long and overnice proscription of my Deity, from their court.  Mer. 
Pursue it (divine Cupid) it will be rare.  Cup. 
But will Hermes second me.  Mer. 
I am now to put in act an especial designment from my father jove, but that performed, I am for any fresh action that offers itself.  Exit. Cup. 
Well then we part.  Mer. 
Farewell good wag,  
Now to my charge, Echo, fair Echo speak,  
'tis Mercury that calls thee; sorrowful Nymph:  
Salute me with thy repercussive voice,  
That I may know what cavern of the earth,  
Contains thy eyrie spirit: how, or where,  
I may direct my speech, that thou mayst hear,   

SCENA. 2.  Echo, Mercury. Echo. 
Here.  Mer. 
So nigh.  Echo. 
I.  Mer. 
Know (gentle soul) then, I am sent from jove,  
Who (pitying the sad burden of thy woes,  
Still growing on thee, in thy want of words,  
To vent thy passion for Narcissus death)  
Commands that now (after three thousand years,  
Which have been excercisde in juno's spite,)  
Thou take a corporal figure and ascend,  
Enriched with vocal, and articulate power,  
Make haste sad Nymph: thrice doth my winged rod,  
Strike th' obsequious earth to give thee way,  
Arise, and speak thy sorrows, Echo rise,  
here, by this Fountain where thy love did pine,  
Whose memory lives fresh to vulgar fame,  
Shrined in this yellow flower, that bears his name  Ech. 
His name revives and lifts me up from earth.  Ascendit 
O which way shall I first convert myself?  
Or in what mood shall I assay to speak,  
That (in a moment) I may be delivered,  
Of the prodigious grief I go with all?  
See, see, the morning fount whose spring weeps yet,  
Th'untimely fate of that too-beauteous boy,  
That trophy of self love, and spoil of nature,  
Who (now transformed into this drooping flower)  
Hangs the repentant head, back, from the stream;  
As if it wished: Would I had never looked,  
In such a flattering mirror. O Narcissus,  
Thou that wast once (and yet art) my Narcissus,  
Had Echo but been private with thy thoughts,  
She would have dropped away herself in tears,  
Till she had all turned water; that in her,  
(As in a truer glass) thou might'st have gazed,  
And seen thy beauties by more kind reflection:  
But Self love never yet could look on truth,  
but with bleared beams; Slieke flattery and she:  
Are twin-born sisters, and so mix their eyes,  
As if you sever one, the other dies.  
Why did the Gods give thee a heavenly form,  
And earthy thoughts to make thee proud of it?  
Why do I ask? 'tis now the known disease  
That beauty hath, to bear to deep a sense,  
Of her own self-conceived excellence.  
O hadst thou known the worth of heavens rich gift,  
Thou wouldst have turned it to a truer use,  
And not (with lean and covetous ignorance)  
Pined in continual eyeing that bright Gem,  
The glance whereof to others had been more,  
Then to thy famished mind the wide worlds store;  
" So wretched is it to be merely rich:  
Witness thy youths dear sweets, here spent untasted;  
Like a fair Taper, with his own flame wasted.  Mer. 
Echo be brief, Saturnia is abroad;  
And if she hear, she'll storm at Ioues high will:  Echo. 
I will (kind Mercury) be brief as time,  
Vouchsafe me I may do him these last Rites,  
But kiss his flower, and sing some mourning strain:  
Over his watery hearse.  Mer. 
Thou dost obtain,  
I were no son to love should I deny thee;  
Begin, and (more to grace thy cunning voice)  
The humourous air shall mix her solemn tunes,  
With thy sad words: strike Music from the spheres,  
And with your golden raptures swell our ears.  

Cant.  
SLow, Slow Fresh fount, keep time with my salt tears;  
yet flower, yet, o faintly gentle springs;  
List to the heavy part the Music bears,  
" Woe weeps out her division when she sings;  
Droop herbs, and flowers,  
fall grief in showers;  
" Our beauties are not ours:  
O I could still  
(Like melting snow upon some craggy hill,)  
drop, drop, drop, drop,  
Since Nature's pride, is now awithered Daffodil.   Mer. 
Now ha' you done?  Echo. 
Done presently (good Hermes) bide a little;  
Suffer my thirsty eye to gaze a while,  
But e'en to taste the place, and I am vanished:  Mer. 
forego thy use and liberty of tongue,  
And thou mayst dwell on earth, and sport thee there;  Echo. 
Here young Action fell, pursued, and torn  
By Cynthia's wrath (more eager than his hounds;)  
And here, (ay me the place is fatal) see,  
The weeping Niobe, translated hither  
From Phyrgian mountains: and by Phoebe reared  
As the proud trophy of her sharp revenge.  Mer. 
Nay but here.  Ech. 
But here, oh here, the Fountain of self love:  
In which Latona, and her careless Nymphs,  
(Regardless of my sorrows) bathe themselves,  
In hourly pleasures.  Mer. 
Stint thy babbling tongue;  
Fond Echo, thou profanest the grace is done thee:  
So idle worldlings (merely made of voice:)  
Censure the powers above them. Come away,  
jove calls thee hence, and his will brooks no stay.  Ech. 
O stay: I have but one poor thought to cloth,  
In eyrie garments and then (faith) I go:  
Henceforth, thou treacherous, and murdering spring,  
Be ever called the Fountain of self love:  
And with thy water let this curse remain,  
(As an inseparate plague) that who but tastes,  
A drop thereof, may (with the instant touch)  
Grow dotingly enamoured on themselves.  
Now Hermes I have finished.  Mer. 
Then thy speech,  
Must here forsake thee Echo, and thy voice:  
(As it was wont) rebound but the last words, Fare well.  Echo. 
Well.  Exit. 
Now Cupid I am for you, and your mirth,  
To make me light before I leave the earth.   

SCENA. 3.  Amorphus. Echo. Mercury. Amo. 
Dear spark of beauty make not so fast away:  Echo. 
Away.  Mer. 
Stay let me observe this portent yet.  Amo. 
I am neither your Minotaur, nor your Centaur, nor your Satire, nor your Hyaena, nor your Baboon, but your mere traveller, believe me:  Echo. 
Leave me.  Mer. 
I guessed it should be some traveling Motion pursued Echo so.  Amo. 
Know you from whom you fly? or whence?  Echo. 
Hence.  Exit. Amo. 
This is somewhat above strange: a Nymph of her feature and lineament to be so preposterously rude; well; I will but cool myself at yon Spring and follow her.  Mer. 
Nay then I am familiar with the issue; I'll leave you too.  Exit. Amo. 
I am a Rhinoceros, if I had thought a creature of her Symmetry would have dared so improportionable and abrupt a digression. Liberal and divine Fount, suffer my profane hand to take of thy bounties. By the purity of my taste, here is most Ambrosiac water; I will sup of it again. By thy favour sweet Fount. See, the water (a more running, subtle, and humorous Nymph than she) permits me to touch, and handle her: what should I infer? If my behaviours had been of a cheap, or customary garb; my Accent, or phrase, vulgar; my Garments trite; my Countenance illiterate; or unpractizd in the encounter of a beautiful and brave-attirde piece, than I might (with some change of colour) have suspected my faculties: but (knowing myself an Essence so sublimated, and refin'de by Travail; of so studied, and well exercised a gesture; so alone in fashion, able to make the face of any Statesman living, and to speak the mere extraction of language; One that hath now made the sixth return upon venture; and was your first that ever enriched his country with the true laws of the Duello; whose Optics have drunk the spirit of beauty, in some eight score and eighteen Princes Courts, where I have resided, and been there fortunate in the Amours of three hundred, forty, and five Ladies (all nobly descended) whose names I have in Catalogue: to conclude; in all so happy, as even Admiration herself doth seem to fasten her kisses upon me: Certes I do neither see, nor feel, nor taste, nor favour, the least steam, or fume of a reason, that should invite this foolish fastidious Nymph so peevishly to abandon me: well let the memory of her fleet into Air; my thoughts and I am for this other Element, water.   

SCENA. 4.  Criticus. Asotus. Amorphus. Crit. 
What? the well-dieted Amorphus become a Water-drinker? I see he means not to write verses then.  Asot. 
No Criticus? why?  Crit. 
Quia nulla placere diu, nec vivere carmina possunt, quae scribuntur aquae potoribus.  Amor. 
What say you to your Helicon?  Crit. 
O, the Muses, well! that's ever excepted.  Amor. 
Sir, your Muses have no such water I assure you; your Nectar, or the juice of your Nepenthe is nothing to it; 'tis above your Metheglin, believe it.  Asot. 
Metheglin! what's that Sir? may I be so Audacious to demand?  Amo. 
A kind of Greek Wine I have met with Sir in my Travails: it is the same that Demosthenes usually drunk, in the composure of all his exquisite and Mellifluous Orations.  Crit. 
That's to be argued, (Amorphus) if we may credit Lucian, who in his (Enicomium Demosthenes') affirms, he never drunk but water in any of his Compositions.  Amo. 
Lucian is absurd, he knew nothing: I will believe my own Travels, before all the Lucian's of Europe; he doth feed you with fictions, and leasings.  Crit. 
Indeed (I think) next a traveler he does prettily well.  Amo. 
I assure you it was Wine, I have tasted it, and from the hand of an Italian Antiquary, who derives it authentically from the Duke of Ferrara's Bottles. How name you the Gentleman you are in rank with there, Sir?  Crit. 
'tis Asotus, son to the late deceased Philargyrus the Citizen.  Amorphus. 
Was his Father of any eminent place, or means?  Crit. 
He was to have been Praetor next year.  Amo. 
Ha! A pretty formal young Gallant (in good sooth) pity, he is not more gently propagated. hark you Criticus: you may say to him what I am, if you please; though I affect not popularity, yet I would be loath to stand out to any, whom you shall vouchsafe to call friend.  Crit. 
Sir, I fear I may do wrong to your sufficiencies in the reporting them, by forgetting or misplacing some one; yourself can best inform him of yourself Sir, except you had some Catalogue or Inventory of your faculties ready drawn, which you would request me to show him for you, and him to take notice of.  Amo. 
This Criticus is sour: I will think Sir.  Crit. 
Do so Sir. O heaven, that any thing (in the likeness of man) should suffer these racked extremities, for the uttering of his Sophisticate good parts.  Asot. 
Criticus, I have a suit to you; but you must not deny me: pray you make this Gentleman and I friends.  Crit. 
Friends! Why? is there any difference between you?  Asotus. 
No: I mean acquaintance, to know one another.  Crit. 
O now I apprehend you; your phrase was without me before.  Asot. 
In good faith he's a most excellent rare man I warrant him.  Crit. 
'Slight, they are mutually enamoured by this time.  Asot. 
Will you sweet Criticus?  Crit. 
Yes, yes.  Asot. 
Nay, but when? you'll defer it now, and forget it?  Crit. 
Why, be't a thing of such present necessity, that it requires so violent a dispatch?  Asot. 
No, but (would I might never stir) he's a most ravishing man; good Criticus you shall endear me to you, in good faith law.  Crit. 
Well your longing shallbe satisfied Sir.  Asot. 
And withal, you may tell him what my father was, and how well he left me, and that I am his heir.  Crit. 
Leave it to me, I'll forget none of your dear graces I warrant you.  Asot, 
Nay I know you can better marshal these affairs than I can.— O Gods i'll give all the world (if I had it) for abundance of such acquaintance.  Crit. 
What ridiculous circumstance might I devise now, to bestow this reciprocal brace of Coxcombs, one upon another?  Amor. 
Since I trod on this side the Alps, I was not so frozen in my invention; let me see: to accost him with some choice remnant of Spanish, or Italian? that would indifferently express my languages now, mary then, if he should fall out to be Ignorant, it were both hard, and harsh. How else? step into some discourse of State, and so make my induction? that were above him too; and out of his element I fear feign to have seen him in Venice? or Padua? or some face near his in similitude? 'tis too pointed, and open. No; it must be a more quaint, & collateral devise: As— stay; to frame some encomiastique speech upon this our Metropolis, or the wise Magistrates thereof, in which politic number, 'tis odds but his father filled up a room? descend into a particular admiration of their justice; for the due measuring of Coals, burning of Cans, and such like? As also their religion, in pulling down a superstitious Cross, and advancing a Venus; or Priapus, in place of it? ha? 'twill do well. Or to talk of some Hospital, whose walls record his father a BENEFACTOR? or of so many Buckets bestowed on his parish church in his life time, with his name at length (for want of arms) tricked upon them; Any of these? or to praise the cleanness of the street wherein he dwelled, or the provident painting of his posts against he should have been Praetor, or (leaving his parent) come to some special ornament about himself, as his Rapier, or some other of his accoutrements? I have it: Thanks gracious Minerva.  Asot. 
Would I had but once spoke to him, and then—  Amor. 
'tis a most curious and neatly-wrought band this same, as I have seen Sir.  Asot. 
O God Sir.  Amor. 
You forgive the humour of mine eye in observing it?  Asot. 
O Lord Sir, there needs no such Apology I assure you.  Crit. 
I am anticipated: they'll make a solemn deed of gift of themselves you shall see.  Amor 
Your Rose too does most grace-fully in troth.  Asot. 
'tis the most gentile and received Wear now Sir.  Amor. 
Believe me Sir (I speak it not to humour you) I have not seen a young gentleman (generally) put on his clothes with more judgement.  Asot. 
O, 'tis your pleasure to say so, Sir.  Amor. 
No, as I am virtuous (being altogether untraveled) it strikes me into wonder.  Asot. 
I do purpose to travel (Sir) at Spring:  Amor. 
I think I shall affect you sir, this last speech of yours hath begun to make you dear to me.  Asot. 
O God Sir, I would there were anything in me Sir, that might appear worthy the least worthiness of your worth Sir, I protest Sir, I should endeavour to show it Sir, with more than common regard Sir.  Crit. 
O here's rare Motley, Sir.  Amor. 
Both your desert, and your endeavours are plentiful, suspect them not: but your sweet disposition to travail (I assure you) hath made you another Myself in mine eye, and struck me enamoured on your beauties.  Asot. 
I would I were the fairest Lady of France for your sake Sir, and yet I would travail too.  Amor. 
O you should digress from yourself else: for (believe it) your Travail is your only thing that rectifies, or (as the Italian says) virendi pronto all' Attioni, makes you fit for Action.  Asot. 
I think it be great charge though Sir.  Amor. 
Charge? why 'tis nothing for a gentleman that goes private, as yourself, or so; my Intelligence shall quit my charge at all times: Good faith this Hat hath possessed mine eye exceedingly; 'tis so pretty, and fantastic; what? be't a Beaver.  Asot. 
I Sir. I'll assure you 'tis a Beaver, it cost me six crowns but this morning.  Amor. 
A very pretty fashion (believe me) and a most novel kind of trim: your Button is conceited too.  Asot. 
Sir, it is all at your service.  Amor. 
O pardon me.  Asot. 
I beseech you Sir, if you please to wear it you shall do me a most infinite grace.  Crit. 
'Slight, will he be praised out of his clothes?  Asot. 
By heaven Sir, I do not offer it you after the Italian manner; I would you should conceive so of me.  Amor. 
Sir, I shall fear to appear rude in denying your courtesies, especially being invited by so proper a distinction; may I pray your name Sir.  Asot. 
My name is Asotus Sir.  Amor. 
I take your love (gentle Asotus) but let me win you to receive this in exchange.—  Crit. 
'sheart, they'll change doublets anon.  Amor. 
And (from this time) esteem yourself in the first rank of those few whom I profess to love; what make you in company of this scholar here? I will bring you known to gallants as Anaides, Hedon the courtier, and others, whose society shall render you grac'de, and respected; this is atriviall trivial fellow, too mean, too corpse for you to converse with.  Asot. 
'Slid, this is not worth a crown, and minecost me six but this morning.  Crit. 
I looked when he would repent him, he has begun to be sad a good while.  Amor. 
Sir, shall I say to you for that Hat? be not so sad, be not so sad; 'tis a Relic I could not so easily have departed with, but as the hierogliphic of my affection; you shall alter it to what form you please, it will take any block; I have varied it myself to the three thousandth time, and not so few: It hath these virtues beside; your head shall not ache under it; nor your brain leave you, without licence; It will preserve your complexion to eternity; for no beam of the Sun (should you wear it under Zona Torrida) hath force to approach it by two else. 'tis proof against thunder, and enchantment: and was given me by a great man (in Russia) as an especially-prized present; and constantly affirmed to be the hat that accompanied the politic Ulysses, in his tedious, and ten years Travails.  Asot. 
By jove I will not depart withal, whosoever would give me a Million.   

SCENA. 5.  Cos. Prosaites. Criticus. Amorphus. Asotus. Cos. 
Save you sweet bloods: does any of you want a creature, or a dependent?  Crit. 
Beshrew me a fine blunt slave.  Amor. 
A page of good timber; it will now be my grace to entertain him first, though I cashier him again in private: how art thou called?  Cos. 
Cos Sir, Cos.  Crit. 
Cos? How happily hath Fortune furnished him with a Whetstone?  Amor. 
I do entertain you Cos: conceal your quality till we be private; if your parts be worthy of me, I will countenance you; if not, catechize you; Gentles shall we go?  Asot. 
Stay Sir; i'll but entertain this other fellow, and then— I have a great humour to taste of this water too, but i'll come again alone for that mark the place; what's your name, youth?  Pros. 
Prosaites Sir.  Asot. 
Prosaites? A very fine name Criticus? be't not?  Crit. 
Yes, and a very ancient Sir, the Beggar;  Exeunt. Asot. 
Follow me good Prosaites: Let's talk.  Crit. 
He will rank even with you (ere't be long)  
If you hold on your course: O vanity,  
How are thy painted beauties doted on,  
By light, and empty Idiots? how pursued  
With open, and extended appetite?  
How they do sweat, and run themselves from breath,  
Raised on their toes, to catch thy eyrie forms,  
Still turning giddy, till they reel like drunkards,  
That buy the merry madness of one hour,  
With the long irksomeness of following time?  
O how despised, and base a thing is Man,  
If he not strive t'erect his groveling thoughts  
Above the strain of flesh. ' But how more cheap  
When, even his best and understanding part,  
(The crown, and strength of all his faculties)  
Floats like a dead drowned body, on the stream  
Of vulgar humour, mixed with commonest dregs?  
I suffer for their guilt now, and my Soul  
(Like one that looks on ill affected eyes)  
Is hurt with mere Intention on their follies:  
Why will I view them then? my Sense might ask me:  
Or be't a Rarity, or some new Object,  
That strains my strict observance to this point?  
O would it were, therein I could afford  
My Spirit should draw a little near to theirs,  
To gaze on novelties: so Vice were one.  
Tut, she is stale, rank, foul, and were it not  
That those (that woo her) greet her with locked eyes  
(In spite of all the Impostures, paintings, drugs,  
Which her bawd Custom daubs her cheeks withal)  
She would betray her loathed and leprous face,  
And fright th'enamoured dotards from themselves:  
But such is the perverseness of our nature,  
That if we once but fancy levity,  
(How antic and ridiculous so ere  
It suit with us) yet will our muffled thought  
Choose rather not to see it, then avoid it:  
And if we can but banish our own sense,  
We act our Mimic tricks with that free licence,  
That lust, that pleasure, that security,  
As if we practised in a Past-boord case,  
And no one saw the Motion, but the Motion.  
Well, check thy passion, lest it grow too loud:  
"While fools are pitied, they wax fat, and proud.  Exit. 
Finis Actus Primi.    

ACTUS SECUNDUS.  

SCENA. 1.  Cupid. Mercury. Cup. 
Why this was most unexpectedly followed (my divine delicate Mercury) by the Beard of jove, thou art a precious Deity.  Mer. 
Nay Cupid leave to speak improperly; since we are turned cracks, let's study to be like cracks: practise their language, and behaviours, and not with a dead Imitation. Act freely, carelessly, and capricciously, as if our veins ran with Quicksilver, and not utter a phrase, but what shall come forth steeped in the very brine of conceit, and sparkle like salt in fire.  Cup. 
That's not every one's happiness (Hermes) though you can presume upon the easiness and dexterity of your wit, you shall give me leave to be a little jealous of mine; and not desperately to hazard it after your capering humour.  Mer. 
Nay then Cupid, I think we must have you hoodwinked again, for you are grown too provident, since your eyes were at liberty.  Cup. 
Not so (Mercury) I am still blind Cupid to thee:  Mer. 
And what to the Lady Nymph you serve?  Cup. 
Troth Page, Boy, and Sirrah: these are all my titles.  Mer. 
Then thou hast not altered thy name with thy disguise. '  Cup. 
O No, that had been Supererogation, you shall never hear your Courtier call but by one of these three.  Mer. 
Faith then both our Fortunes are the same.  Cup. 
Why? what parcel of man hast thou lighted on for a Master?  Mer. 
Such a one (as before I begin to decipher him) I dare not affirm him to be any thing else then a Courtier. So much he is, during this open time of Revels, & would be longer, but that his means are to leave him shortly after: his name is Hedon, a gallant wholly consecrated to his pleasures.—  Cup. 
Hedon? he uses much to my Lady's chamber, I think.  Mer. 
How is she called, and then I can show thee?  Cup. 
Madame Philautia.  Mer. 
O I, he affects her very particularly indeed. These are his graces. he doth (besides me) keep a Barber, and a Monkey: He has a rich wrought Waistcoat to entertain his visitants in, with a Cap almost suitable: His Curtains and Bedding are thought to be his own; his bathing Tub is not suspected. He loves to have a Fencer, a Pedant, and a physician seen in his lodging a mornings.  Cup. 
And not a Poet?  Mer. 
Fie no: himself is a Rhymer, and that's a thought better than a Poet: he is not lightly within to his Mercer, no, though he come when he takes physic, which is commonly after his play. He beats a Tailor very well, but a Stocking-seller admirably; and so consequently any one he owes money too, that dares not resist him. He never makes general invitement, but against the publishing of a new Suit, mary then, you shall have more drawn to his lodging, then come to the launching of some three ships; especially if he be furnished with supplies for the retiring of his old Wardrobe from pawn; if not, he does hire a stock of Apparel, and some forty or fifty pound in Gould for that forenoon to show: he's thought a very necessary Perfume for the Presence, and for that only cause welcome thither: six Milliners shops afford you not the like sent. He courts Ladies with how many great Horse he hath rid that morning, or how oft he has done the whole, or the half Pommado in a seven-night before; and sometime ventures so far upon the virtue of his Pomander, that he dares tell'hem, how many shirts he has sweat at Tennis that week, but wisely conceals so many dozen of Balls he is on the score. Here he comes that is all this.   

SCENA. 2.  Hedon. Anaides. Gelaia. Cupid. Mercury. Hedon. 
Boy.  Mercu. 
Sir.  Hedon. 
Are any of the Ladies in the Presence?  Mer. 
None yet Sir.  Hedon. 
Give me some Gold, More.  Ana. 
Is that thy Boy Hedon?  Hedo. 
ay, what thinkst thou of him?  Ana. 
'Sheart, I'd geld him; I warrant he has the Philosopher's stone.  Hed. 
Well said my good Melancholy devil: Sirrah, I have devised one or two of the prettiest Oaths (this morning in my bed) as ever thou heardst, to protest withal in the Presence.  Ana. 
Pray thee lets heere'hem.  Hed. 
Soft thou'lt vse'hem afore me.  Ana. 
No (damn me then) I have more oaths than I know how to utter, by this air.  Hed. 
Faith'one is; By the tip of your ear, Sweet Lady, Is't not pretty, and Gentile?  Ana. 
Yes for the person 'tis applied to, a Lady. It should be light, and—  Hed. 
Nay the other is better, exceeds it much: The Invention is farther fet too; By the while valley that lies between the Alpine hills of your bosom, I protest— etc.  Ana. 
Well, you traveled for that Hedon.  Mer. 
ay, in a Map, where his eyes were but blind guides to his understanding it seems.  Hed. 
And then I have a Salutation will neck all; by this Caper: ho!  Ana. 
How is that?  Hed. 
You know I call Madam Philautia, my Honour, & she calls me her Ambition. Now (when I meet her in the Presence anon) I will come to her, and say, Sweet Honour, I have hitherto contented my Sense with the Lilies of your hand; but now I will taste the Roses of your lip; and (withal) kiss her: to which she cannot but blushingly answer: Nay now you are too Ambitious, And then do I reply; I cannot be too Ambitious of Honour, sweet Lady. Wilt not be good? ha? ha?  Ana. 
O Assure your soul.  Hed. 
By heaven I think 'twill be excellent, and a very politic atchivement of a kiss.  Ana. 
I have thought upon one for Moria of a sudden too if it take.  Hed. 
What be't, my dear mischief?  Ana. 
Mary, I will come to her, (and she always wears a Muff if you be remembered) and I will tell her: Madam your whole self cannot but be perfectly wise: for your hands have wit enough to keep themselves warm.  Hed. 
Now (before jove) admirable: look, thy Page takes it too, by Phoebus, my sweet facetious Rascal, I could eat Water-gruel with thee a month, for this jest, O my dear Rogue.  Ana. 
O (by Hercules) 'tis your only dish, above all your Potatoes, or Oyster-pies in the world.  Hed. 
I have ruminated upon a most rare Wish too, and the Prophecy to it, but I'll have some friend to be the Prophet; As thus: I do wish myself one of my Mistress Ciopinoes. Another demands: Why would he be one of his Mistress Ciopinos? A third answers, Because he would make her higher. A fourth shall say, That will make her proud. And a fifth shall conclude: Then do I prophesy, Pride will have a fall: and he shall give it her.  Ana. 
I'll be your Prophet. By gods so, it will be most exquisite, thou art a fine Inventious Rogue, Sirrah.  Hed. 
Nay and I have Posies for Rings too, and Riddles, that they dream not of.  Ana. 
Tut they'll do that, when they come to sleep on them time enough; but were thy devices never in the Presence yet Hedon?  Hed. 
O no, I disdain that.  Ana. 
'twere good we went afore then, & brought the acquainted with the room where they shall act, lest the strangeness of it put them out of countenance, when they should come forth.  Exeunt. Cup. 
Is that a Courtier too.  Mer. 
Troth no; he has two essential parts of the Courtier, Pride and Ignorance (I mean of such a Courtier, who is (indeed) but the Zani to an exact Courtier) mary, the rest come somewhat after the Ordinary Gallant. 'tis Impudence itself Anaides; one, that speaks all that comes in his cheeks, & will blush no more than a Sackbut. He lightly occupies the jesters room at the table, & keeps laughter, Gelaia (a wench in page's attire) following him in place of a Squire, whom he (now & then) tickles with some strange ridiculous stuff, uttered (as his land came to him) by chance: He will censure or discourse of any thing, but as absurdly as you would wish: His fashion is not to take knowledge of him that is beneath him in clothes; He never drinks below the Salt: He does naturally admire his wit, that wears Goldlace, or Tissue; Stabs any man that speaks more contemptibly of the Scholar than he. He is a great proficient in all the illiberal Sciences, as Cheating, Drinking, Swaggering, Whoring, and such like; never kneels, but to pledge Healths nor prays, but for a Pipe of pudding Tabaco. He will blaspheme in his shirt; The oaths which he vomits at one supper, would maintain a Town of garrison in good swearing a twelvemonth: One other genuine quality he has, which crowns all these; and that is this; to a Friend in want, he will not depart with the weight of a soldard Groat, lest the world might censure him prodigal, or report him a Gull: Mary, to his Cockatrice or Punquetto; half a dozen Taffeta gowns or Satin Kirtles, in a pair or two of month's, why they are nothing.  Cup. 
I commend him he is one of my clients.   

SCENA. 3.  Amorphus, Asotus; Cos; Prosaites, Cupid, Mercury. Amor. 
Come Sir. You are now within reguarde of the Presence, And see, the privacy of this room, how sweetly it offers it offers itself to our retired intendments, Page, cast a vigilant, and inquiring eye about, that we be not rudely surprised, by the approach of some ruder-stranger.  Cos. 
I warrant you Sir. I'll tell you when the Wolf enters fear nothing.  Mer. 
O what a mass of benefit shall we possess, in being the invisible Spectators of this strange show now to be acted?  Amor 
Plant yourself there Sir: And observe me. You shall now, as well be the Ocular as the Earwitness, how clearly I can refel that Paradox, or rather Pseudodoxe of those, which hold the face to be the Index of the mind, which (I assure you) is not so, in any Politic creature; for Instance, I will now give you the particular, and distinct face of every your most noted Species of persons; As your Merchant, your scholar, your Soldier, your Lawyer, Courtier, etc. And each of these so truly, as you would swear (but that your eye sees the variation of the lineament) it were my most proper, and Genuine aspect: 〈…〉 for your Merchants, or City face; 'tis thus: a dull 〈…〉 face; still looking in a direct line, forward: There is no great matter in this face. Then have you your Students, or academic face, which is here, an honest, simple, and Methodical face; But somewhat more spread then the former. The third is your Soldiers face: A menacing, and astounding face, that looks broad, and big: the grace of this face consists much in a Beard. The Anti face to this, is your Lawyer's face; a contracted, subtle, and Intricate face: full of quirks, and turnings; A Labyrinthaean face, now angularly, now circularly, every way aspected. Next is your Statists face, a serious, solemn, and supercilious face, full of formal, and square gravity, the eye (for the most part) artificially and deeply shadowed, there is great judgement required in the making of this face. But now to come to your face of faces; or Courtiers face: 'tis of three sorts: (according to our subdivision of a Courtier; Elementary, Practic, and Theoric: your Courtier Theoric, is he that hath arrived to his farthest, and doth now know the Court rather by speculation, than practice; & this is his face: A fastidious, and oblique face; that looks, as it went with a Vice, and were screwed thus. Your Courtier Practic is he that is yet in his Path, his Course, his Way, & hath not touched the Puntillio or point of hopes; this face is here: A most promising, open, smooth, and overflowing face, that seems as it would run, and power itself into you; your Courtier Elementary is one but newly entered, or as it were in the Alphabet Vt-re-mi-fa-sol-la, of Courtship: Note well this face, for it is this you must practise.  Asot. 
I'll practise 'em all, if you please Sir.  Amor. 
I; here after you may: and it will not be altogether an ungrateful study. For let your soul be assured of this (in any Rank or profession whatsoever) the most general, or Mayor part of Opinion, goes with the face, & (simply) respects nothing else. Therefore: if that can be made, exactly, curiously, exquisitely, thoroughly, It is enough: But (for the present) you shall only apply yourself to this face of the Elementary Courtier, A light, reveling, & protesting face, now blushing, now smiling which you may help much with a wanton wagging of your head, thus; (a feather will teach you) or with kissing your finger that hath the Ruby, or playing with some string of your band, which is a most acquaint kind of Melancholy beside. Where is your Page? call for your Casting Bottle, and place your Mirror in your Hat, as I told you; so. Come, look not pale, observe me: set your face, and enter,  Amor. 
O for some excellent Painter, to have ta'en the copy of all these faces.  Aso. 
Prosaites.  Amor. 
Fie, I premonished you of that; In the Court, Boy, or Sirrah.  Cos. 
Master Lupus in— O 'tis Prosaites.  Asot. 
Sirrah, prepare me my Casting-bottle, I think I must be enforced to purchase me another Page, you see how at hand Cos waits here.  Exeunt. Mor. 
So will he too in time.  Cup. 
What's he Mercury?  Mer. 
A notable Finch. One that hath newly entertained the Beggar to follow him, but cannot get him to wait near enough. 'tis Asotus the heir of Philargirus: but first I'll give you the others Character, which may make his the clearer? He that is with him is Amorphus, A traveler, One so made out of the mixture and shreds of forms, that himself is truly deformed: He walks most commonly with a Clove or Picktoothe in his mouth, he's the very Mint of Complement; All his behaviours are printed, his face is another volume of Essays; and his beard an Aristarchus. He speaks all cream, skimmed, & more affected than a dozen of waiting women; he's his own promoter in every place: The wife of the Ordinary gives him his diet to maintain her table in discourse, which (indeed) is a mere Tyranny over her other guests: for he will usurp all the talk: Ten Constables are not so tedious. He is no great shifter; once a year his Apparel is ready to revolt; He doth use much to arbitrate quarrels, and fights himself exceeding well (out at a window.) He will lie cheaper than any Beggar, and louder than most Clocks; for which he is right properly accommodated to the Whetstone his page. The other gallant is his Zany, & doth most of these tricks after him; sweats to imitate him in every thing (to a hair) except a Beard, which is not yet extant: he doth learn to eat Anchovies, & Caviar because he loves 'em, speaks as he speaks; looks, walks, goes so in clothes and fashion, is in all, as he were moulded of him. Marry (before they met) he had other very pretty sufficiencies, which yet he retains some light Impression of: As frequenting a dancing school, and grievously torturing strangers, with inquisition after his grace in his Galliard; He buys a fresh acquaintance at any rate; his Eye, and his Raiment confer much together as he goes in the street; He treads nicely, like a fellow that walks upon ropes, especially the first Sunday of his Silk-stockings, and when he is most neat and new, you shall strip him with commendations.  Cup. 
Here comes another.  Mer. 
ay, but one of another strain Cupid: This fellow weighs somewhat.  Criticus passeth by. Cup. 
His name Hermes?  Mer. 
Criticus. A creature of a most perfect and divine temper; One, in whom the Humours & Elements are peaceably met, without emulation of Precedency: he is neither too fantastickly Melancholy; too slowly Plegmatick, too lightly Sanguine, or too rashly Choleric, but m all, so composed and ordered; as it is clear, Nature was about some full work, she did more than make a man when she made him; His discourse is like his behaviour, uncommon, but not unpleasing; he is prodigal of neither: He strives rather to be (that which men call) judicious, then to be thought so; and is so truly learned that he affects not to show it: He will think, & speak his thought, both freely; but as distant from depraving any other man's Merit, as proclaiming his own: For his valour, 'tis such, that he dares as little to offer an Injury, as receive one. In sum, he hath a most Ingenious and sweet spirit, a sharp and seasoned wit, a straight judgement. and a strong mind; constant and unshaken: Fortune could never break him, or make him less, he counts it his pleasure to despise pleasures, and is more delighted with good deeds than Goods, It is a competency to him that he can be virtuous. He doth neither covet, nor fear; he hath too much reason to do either: and that commends all things to him.  Cup. 
Not better than Mercury commends him.  Mer. 
O Cupid, 'tis beyond my deity to give him his due praises; I could leave my Place in heaven, to live among Mortals, so I were sure to be no other than he.  Cup. 
'Slight, I believe he is your Minion; you seem to be so ravished with him.  Mer. 
he's one, I would not have awry thought darted against willingly.  Cup. 
No, but a strait shaft in his bosom, I'll promise him, if I am Citherea's son.  Mer. 
Shall we go Cupid?  Cup. 
Stay and see the Ladies now; they'll come presently. I'll help to paint them.  Mer. 
What lay Colour upon Colour? that affords but an ill blazon.  Argurion passeth by. Cup. 
Here comes metal to help it, the Lady Argurion.  Mer. 
Money, money.  Cup. 
The same: A Nymph of a most wandering and giddy disposition, humourous as the Air, she'll run from Gallant to Gallant (as they sit at Primero in the Presence) most strangely, and seldom stays with any; She spreads as she goes: To day you shall have her look as clear and fresh as the morning and to morrow as Melancholy as midnight. She takes special pleasure in a close, obscure lodging, and for that cause visits the City so often, where she has many secret and true-concealing favourites. When she comes abroad she's more loose and scattering then dust, and will fly from place to place, as she were rapt with a whirlwind. Your young Student (for the most part) she affects not, only salutes him, and away: A Poet or a Philosopher she is hardly brought to take any notice of, no, though he be some part of an Alchemist. She loves a Player, well; and a Lawyer infinitely: but your Fool above all. She can do much in the Court for the obtaining of any suit whatsoever, no door but flies open to her; her presence is above a Charm: The worst in her is want of keeping state, and to much descending into inferior and base offices, she's for any course Employment you will put upon her, as to be your Procurer or Pander.  Mercu. 
Peace Cupid; here comes more work for you, another Character or two.   

SCENA. 4.  Phantaste, Moria, Philautia, Mercury, Cupid. Pha. 
Stay sweet Philautia; I'll but change my fan, and go presently.  Mor. 
Now (in very good serious) Ladies, I will have this order reversed, the Presence must be better maintained from you; A quarter past eleven, & ne'er a Nymph in Prospective; beshrew my hand, there must be a reformed Discipline. Is that your new Ruff sweet Lady Bird? by my truth 'tis most Intricately rare.  Mer. 
Good jove, what reverend gentlewoman in years might this be?  Cup. 
This Madam Moria, Guardian of the Nymphs: One that is not now to be persuaded of her Wit, she will think herself wise against all the judgements that come. A Lady made all of voice, & Air, talks any thing of any thing: She is like one of your Ignorant Poetasters of the time; who when the have got acquainted with a strange word, never rest till they have wrong it in, though it loosen the whole fabric of their Sense.  Mer. 
That was pretty and sharply noted Cupid.  Cup. 
She will tell you Philosophy was a fine Reveller, when she was young and a Gallant, and that then (though she say it) she was thought to be the Dame-Dido, and Helen of the Court; As also, what a sweet Dog she had this time four year, and how it was called Fortune, and that (if the fates had not cut his thread) he had been a Dog to have given entertainment to any Gallant in this kingdom.  Mer. 
O I pray thee no more, I am full of her.  Cupid. 
Yes (I must needs tell you) She composes a Sackposset well; and would court a young Page sweetly, but that her breath is against it.  Mer. 
Now her breath (or some thing more strong) protect me from her; th'other, th'other, Cupid.  Cup 
O, that's my Lady and Mistress Madam Philautia: She admires not herself for any one particularity, but for all; She is fair, and she knows it; She has a pretty light wit too, and she knows it; She can dance, and she knows that too; play at Shuttlecock, and that too: No quality she has, but she shall take a very particular knowledge of, and most Ladylike commend it to you; you shall have her at any time read you the History of herself, and very subtly run over another Lady's sufficiences to come to her own.  
She has a good superficial judgement in Painting; and would seem to have so in Poetry. A most complete Lady in the opinion of some three beside herself.  Phi. 
Faith, how liked you my quipp to Hedon, about the garter? waste not witty?  Mor. 
Exceeding witty and Integrate: you did so Aggravate the jest withal.  Phi. 
And did I not dance moovingly last night?  Mor. 
Moovingly; out of measure (in troth) Sweet Lady.  Mer. 
A happy commendation, to dance, out of measure.  Mor. 
Save only you wanted the swimi the turn; O! when I was atfourteene—  Phi. 
Nay that's mine own from any Nymph i' the Court) I am sure on't) therefore you mistake me in that Guardian; both the swim, and the trip, are properly mine; every body will affirm it, that has any judgement in dancing: I assure you.  Pha, 
Come now Philautia I am for you, shall we go?  Phi. 
I good Phantaste; What? ha you changed your headtire?  Pha. 
Yes faith; th'other was so near the common, it had no extraordinary grace; beside, I had worn it almost a day in good troth.  Phi. 
I'll be sworn, this is most excellent for the devise, and rare. 'tis after the Italian print we looked on other night.  Pha. 
'tis so: by this fan, I cannot abide any thing that savours the poor overworn cut, that has any kindred with it; I must have variety, I: this mixing in fashion I hate it worse, then to burn juniper in my Chamber I protest.  Phi. 
And yet we cannot have a new peculiar Court-tyre, but these Retainers will have it; these Suburb sunday-waiters, these Courtiers for High days, I know not what I should call 'hem.—  Pha. 
O I, they do most pitifully Imitate; but I have a tire a coming (I faith) shall—  Mor. 
In good certain, Madam, it makes you look most heavenly; but (lay your hand on your heart) you never skinned a new beauty more prosperously in your life, nor more supernaturally; look good Lady, sweet Lady look.  Phi. 
'tis very clear, and well believe me. But if you had seen mine yesterday when 'twas young, you would have— who's your Doctor Phantaste?  Pha. 
Nay that's counsel Philautia, you shall pardon me: yet (I'll assure you) he's the most dainty, sweet, absolute rare man, of the whole College. O! his very looks, his discourse, his behaviour, all he does is Physic I protest.  Phi. 
For heavens sake his name; good, dear, Phantaste—  Pha. 
No, no, no, no, no, no, (believe me) not for a Million of heavens: I will not make him cheap. Fie—  Exeunt. Phi. 
There is a Nymph too of a most curious and elaborate strain, light, all motion, an Ubiquitary, she is every where, Phantaste—  Mer. 
Her very name speaks her; let her pass. But are these (Cupid) the stars of Cynthia's Court? do these Nymphs attend upon Diana?  Cup. 
They are in her Court (Mercury) but not as Stars; these never come in the presence of Cynthia: the Nymphs that make her train, are the divine Arete, Timae, Phronesis, Thauma, and others of that high sort. These are privately brought in by Moria in this licentious time, against her knowledge; and (like so many Meteors) will vanish when she appears.   

SCENA. 5.  Prosaites. Gelaia. Cos. Mercury. Cupid. Pro. 

Cant.  
COme follow me my Wags, and say as I say.  
There's no riches but in Rags; hay day, hay day;  
You that profess this art. Come away; come away:  
And help to bear a part. hay day; hay day.  
Bearwards, & Blackingmen.  
Corn-cutters, and Carmen.  
Sellers of mar-king stones.  
Gatherer's up of Marow-bones  
peddlers, and Puppitplayers.  
Sowgelder's, and Soothsaiers.  
Gipsies and tailors,  
Rat-catcher's and Railers,  
Beadles, and Ballad-singers.  
Fiddlers, and Fadingers.  
Thomalins, and Tinkers.  
Scavenger's, and Skinkers.  
There goes the Hare away.  
hay day, hay day.  
Bawds and blind Doctors.  
Paritors, and spittle Proctors.  
Chemists, and Cuttlebungs.  
hooker's, and Horne-thums.  
With all cast commanders.  
turned Post-knights, or Panders.  
jugglers, and jesters. Beggar's rhyme.  
Borrowers of Testers.  
And all the troup of trash  
That're allied to the lash,  
Come, and join with your lags  
Shake up your muscle-bags.  
For Beggary bears the sway,  
Then sing cast care away,  
hay day, hay day.   Mer. 
What? those that were our fellow Pages but now, so soon preferred to be Yeomen of the Bottles? the mystery, the mystery, good wags?  Cup. 
Some diet drink, they have the guard of.  Pro. 
No Sir, we are going in quest of a strange Fountain, lately found out.  Cup. 
By whom?  Cos. 
My Master or the great discoverer, Amorphus.  Mer. 
Thou hast well entitled him Cos, for he will discover all he knows.  Gelaia. 
I and a little more too, when the spirit is upon him.  Prost.. 
O the good traveling Gentleman yonder, has caused such a drought i' the Presence, with reporting the wonders of this new water; that all the Ladies, and Gallants lie languishing upon the Rushes, like so many pounded Cattle i' the midst of Harvest, sighing one to another, and gasping, as if each of them expected a Cock from the Fountain, to be brought into his mouth: and (without we return quickly) they are all (as a youth would say) no better than a few Trout cast a shore, or a dish of Eels in a Sand-bag.  Mer. 
Well then, you were best dispatch & have a care of them, Come Cupid, thou and I'll go peruse this dry wonder.  
Finis Actus Secundi.    

ACTUS TERTIUS.  

SCENA. 1.  Amorphus. Asotus. Amor. 
Sir, let not this discountenance, or disgallant you a whit, you must not sink under the first disaster; It is with your young grammatical Courtier, as with your Neophyte-Player, a thing usual to be daunted at the first presence, or interview: you saw, there was Hedon & Anaides, (far more practised gallants then yourself) who were both out, to comfort you: It is no disgrace, no more, then for your adventurous Reveller to fall by some inauspicious chance in his Galliard, or for some subtle Politician to undertake the Bastinado, that the State might think worthily of him, and respect him as a man well beaten to the world. What? hath your Tailor provided the property (we spoke of) at your Chamber, or no?  Aso. 
I think he has.  Amor. 
Nay, (I entreat you) be not so flat, and melancholic, erect your mind: you shall redeem this with the Courtship I will teach you against afternoon: Where eat you to day?  Asot. 
Where you please Sir, any where I.  Amor. 
Come let us go and taste some light dinner, A dish of she'd Caviar, or so, and after you shall practise an hour at your lodging, some few forms that I have remembered; If you had but (so far) gathered your spirits to you, as to have taken up a Rush (when you were out) and waged it, thus; or cleansed your teeth with it, or but turned aside, and feigned some business to whisper with your Page, till you had recovered yourself, or but found some slight stain in your stocking, or any other pretty Invention (so it had been sudden,) you might have come off with a most clear and Courtly grace.  Asot. 
A poison of all, I think I was forespoake, I.  Amor. 
No, I do partly aim at the cause (which was ominous indeed) for as you enter at the door, there is oppos'de to you the frame of a Wolf in the Hangings, which (your eye taking suddenly) gave a false Alarm to the heart; and that was it called your blood out of your face, and so disordered the whole rank of your spirits: I beseech you labour to forget it.  Exeunt.  

SCENA. 2.  Hedon. Anaides. Hed. 
Heart, was there ever so prosperous an Invention thus unluckily perverted, and spoiled, by a whoreson Bookworm, a Candle-waster?  Ana. 
Nay, be not impatient, Hedon.  Hed. 
'Slight, I would fain know his name.  Ana. 
Hang him poor Grogran Rascal, pray thee think not of him: I'll send for him to my lodging, and ha' him blanketed when thou wilt, man.  Hed. 
By gods so; I would thou couldst. Look, here he comes. Laugh at him, laugh at him. Ha, ha, ha.  Criticus passeth by. Ana. 
Fough, he smells all Lamp-oil, with studying by candlelight.  Hedon. 
How confidently he went by us; and carelessly! never moved! nor stirred at any thing! Did you observe him?  Ana. 
I a pox on him, let him go, Dormouse: he is in a dream now; He has no other time, to sleep but thus when he walks abroad, to take the air.  Hed. 
God's precious, this afflicts me more than all the rest, that we should so particularly direct our Hate, and Contempt against him; and he to carry it thus without wound or passion! 'tis insufferable.  Anai. 
'Slid, (my dear Envy) if, thou but sayst the word now, I'll undo him eternally for thee.  Hedon. 
How sweet Anaides?  Anai. 
Marry half a score of us get him in (one night) and make him pawn his wit for a supper.  Hed. 
Away, thou hast such unseasonable jests. By this heaven I wonder at nothing more than our Gentlemen Ushers; that will suffer a piece of Serge, or Perpetuana, to come into the Presence: me thinks, they, should (out of their Experience) better distinguish the silken disposition of a Courtier, then to let such terrible course Rags mix with 'em, able to fret any smooth or gentile Society to the threads, with their rubbing devices.  Ana. 
Damn me, if I should adventure on his company once more, without a suit of Buff, to defend my wit: he does nothing but stab the slave: how mischeivously he crossed thy devise of the prophesy there? And Moria she comes without her Muff too; and there my invention was lost.  Hed. 
Well, I am resolved, what I'll do.  Ana. 
What, my good spirituous Spark?  Hed. 
Marry, speak all the venom I can of him; and poison his reputation in every place where I come.  Ana. 
'Fore god most Courtly.  Hed. 
And if I chance to be present where any question is made of his sufficiencies, or of any thing he hath done private or public; I'll censure it slightly, and ridiculously—  Ana. 
At any hand beware of that, so you may draw your own judgement, insuspect; No, I'll instruct thee what thou shalt do, and by a safer means: approve any thing thou hear'st of his, to the received opinion of it; but if it be extraordinary, give it from him to some other, whom thou more particularly affectest, that's the way to plague him, and he shall never come to defend himself: 'Sblood, I'll give out all he does is dictated from other men: and swear it too (if thou'lt ha' me) and that I know the time, and place, where he stole it: though my soul be guilty of no such thing; and that I think out of my heart, he hates such barren shifts; yet to do thee a pleasure and him a disgrace, I'll damn myself, or do any thing.  Hed. 
Gramercies my dear Devil: we'll put it seriously in practice, I faith.  Exeunt.  

SCENA. 3.  Criticus. Crit. 
Do good Detraction, do: and I the while  
Shall shake thy spite off with a careless smile.  
Poor piteous Gallants, what lean idle sleights  
Their thoughts suggest to flatter their starved Hopes!  
As if I knew not how to entertain  
These Straw-devises; but of force must yield  
To the weak stroke of their calumnious tongues.  
Why should I care what every Dor doth buzz,  
In credulous ears? it is a Crown to me,  
That the best judgements can report me wronged;  
Them Liars; and their slanders impudent.  
Perhaps (upon the rumour of their speeches)  
Some grieved friend will whisper, Criticus,  
Men speak ill of thee: So they be ill men,  
If they spoke worse, 'twere better: For of such  
To be dispraised, is the most perfect praise.  
What can his Censure hurt me, whom the world  
Hath censured vile before me? If good Chrestus,  
Euthus, or Phronimus, had spoke the words,  
They would have moved me; & I should have called  
My thoughts and Actions to a strict account  
Upon the hearing: But when I remember  
'tis Hedon and Anaides: Alas, then,  
I think but what they are, and am not stirred:  
The one, a light voluptuous Reveller,  
The other a strange arrogating Puff,  
Both impudent, and ignorant enough;  
That talk (as they are wont) not as I merit;  
Traduce by Custom, as most Dogs do bark,  
Do nothing out of judgement, but disease;  
Speak ill, because they never could speak well:  
And who'd be angry with this race of Creatures?  
What wise Physician have we ever seen  
Moved with a frantic man? the same affects  
That he doth bear to his sick Patient,  
Should a right mind carry to such as these:  
And I do count it a most rare Revenge,  
That I can thus (with such a sweet neglect)  
Pluck from them all the pleasure of their Malice.  
For that's the mark of all their enginous drifts,  
To wound my Patience (how soe'er they seem  
To aim at other objects) which if mist,  
Their envy's like an Arrow shot upright,  
That in the fall endangers their own heads.   

SCENA. 4.  Arete. Criticus. Aret. 
What Criticus? where have you spent the day,  
You have not visited your jealous friends?  Crit. 
Where I have seen (most honoured Arete,)  
The strangest Pageant, fashioned like a Court,  
(At least I dreamed I saw it) so diffused,  
So painted, pied, and full of Rainbow strains;  
As never yet (either by Time, or Place)  
Was made the food to my distasted Sense:  
Nor can my weak imperfect Memory  
Now render half the forms unto my tongue,  
That were convolved within this thrifty Room.  
Here, stalks me by, a proud, and spangled Sir,  
That looks three handfuls higher than his foretop;  
Savours himself alone, is only kind  
And loving to himself: One that will speak  
More dark and doubtful than six oracles;  
Salutes a friend, as if he had a stitch,  
Is his own Chronicle, and scarce can eat  
For registering himself; is waited on,  
By Mimiques, jesters, Panders, Parasites,  
And other such like Prodigies of men.  
He past; there comes some subtle Proteus: One  
Can change, and vary with all forms he sees;  
Be any thing but honest; serves the time;  
Hovers betwixt two factions, and explores  
The drifts of both; which (with cross face) he bears  
To the divided heads, and is received  
With mutual grace of either: One that dares  
Do deeds worthy the Hurdle, or the Wheel,  
To be thought some body; and is (in sooth)  
Such as the Satirist points truly forth,  
Criminibus debent hortos, praetoria, mensas:  Aret. 
You tell us wonders Criticus.  Crit. 
Tut, this is nothing.  
There stands a Neophyte, glazing of his face,  
Against his Idol enters; and repeats,  
(Like an unperfect Prologue, at third Music)  
His part of speeches, and confederate jests  
In passion to himself; Another swears  
His Scene of Courtship over, and then seems  
As he would kiss away his hand in kindness;  
A third, is most in Action; swims, and frisks,  
Plays with his mistress paps, salutes her pomps;  
Will spend his Patrimony for a Garter,  
Or the least feather in her bounteous Fan:  
A fourth, he only comes in for a Mute,  
Divides the Act with a dumb show, and Exit,  
Then must the Ladies laugh: straight comes their Scene;  
A sixth times worse Confusion than the Rest.  
Where you shall hear one talk of this man's Eye;  
Another of his Lip, a third, his Nose;  
A fourth commend his Leg, a fifth his Foot,  
A sixth his Hand, and every one a limb;  
That you would think the poor distorted Gallant  
Must there expire: Then fall they in discourse  
Of Tires, and Fashions; how they must take place:  
Where they may kiss; and whom: when to sit down;  
And with what grace to rise: if they salute,  
What courtesy they must use; such Cobweb stuff,  
As would enforce the commonest sense abhor  
Th' Arachnean workers.  Aret. 
Patience Criticus.  
This knot of Spiders will be soon dissolved,  
And all their webs swept out of Cynthia's Court,  
When once her glorious Deity appears,  
And but presents itself in her full light:  
Till when, go in: and spend your hours with us  
Your honoured friends Timae, and Phronesis,  
In contemplation of our Goddess name:  
Think on some sweet, and choice Invention now,  
(Worthy her serious, and illustrious Eyes)  
That from the merit of it we may take  
Desired occasion to prefer your worth,  
And make your service known to Cynthia:  
It is the pride of Arete to grace  
Her studious lovers; and (in scorn of Time,  
Envy, and Ignorance) to lift their state  
Above a vulgar height. True Happiness  
Consists not in the multitude of friends,  
But in the worth, and choice; Nor would I have  
Virtue, a popular Regard pursue;  
Let them be good that love me, though but few.  Crit. 
I kiss thy hands, divinest Arete,  
And vow myself to thee, and Cynthia.  Exeunt.  

SCENA. 5.  Amorphus. Asotus. Amo. 
A little more forward; So Sir. Now go in, discloak yourself, and come forth. Taylor; bestow thy absence upon us; and be not prodigal of this secret, but to a dear Customer. 'tis well entered Sir. Stay you come on too fast; your Pace is too impetuous. Imagine this to be the Palace of your Pleasure, or Place where your Lady is pleased to be seen: First you present yourself thus; and spying her you fall off, and walk some two turns; in which time it is to be supposed your Passion hath sufficiently whited your Face? then (stifling a sigh or two, and closing your lips) with a trembling boldness, and bold terror; you advance yourself forward. Try thus much I pray you.  Asot. 
Yes Sir, (pray god I can light on it) Here I come in you say: and present myself?  Amor. 
Good.  Asot. 
And then I spy her, and walk off?  Amor. 
Very good.  Asot. 
Now sir I stifle, and advance forward?  Amor. 
Trembling.  Asot. 
Yes Sir, trembling. I shall do it better when I come to it. And what must I speak now?  Amor. 
Mary you shall say; Dear Beauty, or sweet Honour, or by what other title you please to remember her) me thinks you are Melancholy. This is if she be alone now and discompanied.  Asot. 
Well Sir, I'll enter again; her title shall be My dear Lindabrides.  Amor. 
Lindabride's?  Asot. 
I Sir, the Emperor Alicandro's Daughter, and the Prince Meridian's sister (in the Knight of the Sun) she should have been married to him, but that the Princess Claridiana—  Amor. 
O you betray your reading.  Asot. 
Nay sir, I have read History: I am a little Humanitian. Interrupt me not, good Sir. My dear Lindabrides, My dear Lindabrides, My dear Lindabrides, me thinks you are Melancholy.  Amor. 
ay, and take her by the Rosie-fingerd hand.  Asot. 
Must I so? O: My dear Lindabrides, me thinks you are Melancholy.  Amor. 
Or thus Sir. All variety of divine pleasures, choice sports, sweet Music, rich Fare, brave Attires, soft Beds, & silken thoughts, attend this dear Beauty.  Asot. 
Believe me that's prerty: All variety of divino pleasures, choice sports, sweet Music, rich Fare, brave Attires, soft Beds, and silken thoughts, attend this dear Beauty.  Amor. 
And then, offering to kiss her hand, if she shall coily recoil, and signify your repulse; you are to reinforce yourself with, More than most fair Lady; let not the Rigour of your just disdain thus coarsely censure of your servants zeal: and (withal) protest her, To be the only, and absolute unparalleled Creature, you do adore, and admire, and respect, and reverence, in this Court, Corner of the world, or Kingdom.  Asot. 
This is hard by my faith: I'll begin it all again.  Amor. 
Do so, and I will Act it for your Lady.  Asot. 
Will you vouchsafe sir? All variety of divine pleasures, choice Sports, sweet Music, rich Fare, brave Attire, soft Beds, and silken thoughts, attend this dear Beauty.  Amor. 
So Sir, pray you a way.  Asot. 
More than most fair Lady, let not the Rigour of your just disdain, thus coarsely censure of your servants zeal. I protest you are the only and absolute un-aparailed—  Amo. 
Unparalleled.  Asot. 
Unparalleled Creature, I do adore, and admire, and respect, and reverence, in this Court, Corner of the world, or kingdom.  Amor. 
This is if she abide you: But now; put case she should be Passant when you enter, as thus: you are to frame your Gate ther'after, and call upon her: Lady, Nymph, Sweet Refuge, Star of our Court: Then if she be Guardant, here: you are to come on, and (laterally disposing yourself,) swear by her blushing and well coloured cheek: the bright dye of her hair, her ivory teeth, or some such white and Innocent oath, to induce you. If Regardant; then, maintain your station, brisk, and Irpe, show the supple motion of your pliant body: but (in chief) of your knee, and hand, which cannot but arride her proud Humour exceedingly.  Asot. 
I conceive you sir, I shall perform all these things in good time, I doubt not, they do so hit me.  Amo. 
Well Sir, I am your Lady; make use of any of these beginnings, or some other out of your own invention: and prove how you can hold up, and follow it. Say, Say.  Asot. 
Yes Sir: my dear Lindabrides.  Amo. 
No, you affect that Lindabrides too much: And (let me tell you) it is not so Courtly. Your Pedant should provide you some parcels of French, or some pretty Commodity of Italian to commence with, if you would be exotic, and exquisite.  Asot. 
Yes Sir, he was at my lodging other morning, I gave him a Doublet.  Amo. 
Double your benevolence, and give him the Hose too; clothe you his body, he will help to apparel your mind. But now, see what your proper Genius can perform alone, without adjection of any other Minerva.  Asot. 
I comprehend you sir.  Amo. 
I do stand you Sir: fall back to your first place. Good; passing well: Very properly pursewd.  Asot. 
Beautiful, ambiguous, and sufficient Lady. What are you all alone.  Amo. 
We would be Sir, if you would leave us.  Asot. 
I am at your beauty's appointment: bright Angel; but—  Amo. 
What but?  Asot. 
No harm, more than most fair feature.  Amo. 
That touch relished well.  Asot. 
But I protest.  Amo. 
And why should you protest?  Asot. 
For good will (dear esteemed Madam) and I hope your Ladyship will so conceive of it: If ever you have seen great TAMBURLAINE.  Amor. 
O that Blank was excellent: if you could pick out more of these Play-particles, and (as occasion shall salute you) embroider or damask your discourse with them (persuade your soul) it would iudiciouslye commend you: Come, this was a well-dischar'gd and auspicious Bout: prove the second.  Asot. 
Lady, I cannot swagger it in Black and Yellow.  Amo. 
Why if you can Revel it in White Sir, 'tis sufficient.  Asot. 
Say you so Sweet Lady? Lan, tede de, de, daunt, daunt, daunt, dante, etc. No (in good faith) Madam, whatsoever told your Ladyship so, abused you; but I would be glad to meet your Ladyship in a measure.  Amor. 
Me Sir? belike you measure me by yourself then?  Asot. 
Would I might Fair Feature.  Amor. 
And what were you the better, if you might?  Asot. 
The better it please you to ask, Fair Lady.  Amo. 
Why this was ravishing, and most acutely continued; Well, spend not your humour too much, you have now competently exercised your Conceit: This (once or twice a day (will render you an accomplished, elaborate, and well leveled Gentleman; convey in your Courting-stock, we will (in the heat of this) go visit the Nymphs Chamber.  
Finis Actus tertij.    

ACTUS QVARTUS.  

SCENA. 1.  Phantaste. Philautia. Argurion. Moria. Cupid. Phan. 
I would this water would arrive once our travailing friend so commended to us.  Arg. 
So would I, for he has left all us in travail, with expectation of it.  Pha. 
Pray jove, I never rise from this Couch, if ever I thirsted more for a thing, in my whole time of being a Courtier.  Phi. 
Nor I, I'll be sworn; the very mention of it sets my lips in a worse heat, then if he had sprinkled them with Mercury. Reach me the glass Sirrah.  Cup. 
here Lady.  Mor. 
They do not peel sweet charge? do they?  Phi. 
Yes a little Guardian.  Mor. 
O 'tis a imminent good sign. Ever when my lips do so, I am sure to have some delicious good drink or other approaching.  Arg. 
Mary & this may be good for us Ladies: for (it seems) 'tis far-fet by their stay.  Moria. 
My palate for yours (dear Honour) it shall prove most elegant I warrant you: O, I do fancy this gear that's long a coming, with an unmeasurable strain.  Pha. 
Pray thee sit down Philautia, that Rebato beecoms thee singularly.  Phi. 
Is't not quaint?  Pha. 
Yes faith: me thinks thy servent Hedon is nothing so obsequious to thee, as he was wont to be; I know not how, he's grown out of his Garb o'late, he's warped,  Mor. 
In trueness, and so me thinks too, he's much converted.  Phi. 
Tut; let him be what he will, 'tis an Animal I dream not of. This tire (me thinks) makes me look very Ingenuously, quick, and spirited: I should be some Laura, or some Delia me thinks.  Mor. 
As I am wise (fair honours) that title she gave him, to be her Ambition, spoiled him: Before, he was the most propitious, and observant young Novice.—  Pha, 
No, no; you are the whole heaven awry Guardian, 'tis the swaggering tilt-horse Anaides draws with him there, has been the diverter of him.  Phi. 
For Cupid's sake speak no more of him; would I might never dare to look in a Mirror again, if I respect ere a Marmoset of them all, otherwise, than I would a Feather, or my Shuttlecock, to make sport with, now and then.  Pha. 
Come sit down; troth (and you be good Beauties) lets run over 'em all now: Which is the proper'st man amongst them? I say the travailer, Amorphus.  Phi. 
O fie on him: he looks like a Dutch Trumpeter i'the battle of Lepanto, in the gallery yonder; and speaks to the tune of a country Lady, that comes ever i'the rear ward, or train of a Fashion.  Mor. 
I should have judgement, in a feature sweet Beauties.  Pha. 
A body would think so, at these years.  Mor. 
And I prefer another now, far before him, A million at least.  Pha. 
Who might that be Guardian?  Mor. 
Mary (fair Charge) Anaides.  Pha. 
Anaides? you talked of a tune Philautia, there's one speaks in a Key: like the opening of some justices gate, or a Postboys horn, as if his voice feared an Arrest for some ill words it should give, and were loath to come forth.  Phi. 
ay, and he has a very imperfect face.  Pha. 
Like a squeezed Orange, sour, sour.  Phi. 
His Hand's too great to; by at least a straws breadth.  Pha. 
Nay he has a worse fault then that too.  Phi. 
A long heel?  Pha. 
That were a fault in a Lady rather than him: No, they say he puts of the Calves of his legs with his Stockings every night.  Phi. 
Out upon him: turn to another of the Pictures for God's sake. What says Argurion? whom does she commend afore the rest?  Cupid. 
I hope I have instructed her sufficiently for an answer.  Mor. 
Troth I made the motion to her Ladyship for one to day i'the Presence, but it appeared she was other ways furnished before; She would none.  Pha. 
Who was that Argurion?  Mor. 
Mary the little, poor, plain Gentleman i'the black there.  Pha. 
Who? Criticus?  Arg. 
ay, I, he; A fellow that no body so much as looked upon, or regarded, and she would have had me done him particular grace.  Pha. 
That was a true trick of yourself Moria, to persuade Argurion affect the scholar.  Arg. 
Tut; but she shallbe no chooser for me. In good faith I like the Citizen's son there Asotus, me thinks, none of them all come near him.  Pha. 
Not Hedon?  Arg. 
Hedon, in troth no. Hedon's a pretty slight Courtier, and he wears his clothes well, and sometimes in fashion; marry his face is but indifferent, and he has no such excellent body. No; th'other is a most delicate youth, a sweet face, a straight body, a well proportioned leg, and foot, a white hand, a tender voice.  Phi. 
How now Argurion?  Pha. 
O you should have let her alone, she was bestowing a Copy of him upon us.  Phi. 
Why she dotes more palpably upon him, then ere his Father did upon her.  Pha. 
Believe me, the young gentleman deserves it; if she could dote more 'twere not amiss: He is an exceeding proper youth, and would have made a most neat Barber-surgeon, if he had been put to it in time.  Phi. 
Say you so? me thinks, he looks like a Tailor already.  Pha. 
ay, that had said on one of his Customers suits.  Arg. 
Well Ladies, jest on: the best of you both would be glad of such a servant.  Mor. 
ay, I'll be sworn would they: Go to Beauties, make much of Time, and Place, and Occasion, and Opportunity, and Favourites, and things that belong to them; for I'll ensure you, they will all relinquish; they cannot endure above another year; I know it out of future experience, and therefore take exhibition, and warning: I was once a Reveller myself, and though I speak it (as mine own Trumpet) I was then esteemed—  Phi. 
The very Marchpane of the Court I warrant?  Pha. 
And all the Gallants came about you like flies, did they not?  Mor. 
Go to; they did somewhat, that's no matter now. Here comes Hedon.   

SCENA. 2.  Hedon. Anaides. Mercury. Phantaste. Philautia. Moria. Argurion. Cupid. Hed. 
Save you sweet and clear beauties: By the spirit that moves in me, you are almost pleasingly bestowed Ladies. Only, I can take it for no good Omen, to find mine Honour so dejected.  Phi. 
You need not fear Sir, I did of purpose humble myself against your coming, to decline the pride of my Ambition.  Hed. 
Fair Honour, Ambition dares not stoop; but if it be your sweet pleasure, I shall lose that Title; I will (as I am Hedon) apply myself to your bounties.  Phi. 
That were the next way to distil myself of Honour: O no, rather be still Ambitious I pray you.  Hed. 
I will be any thing that you please, whilst it pleaseth you to be yourself Lady. Sweet Phantaste, Dear Moria, most beautiful Argurion.—  Anai. 
Farewell Hedon.  Hed. 
Anaides, Stay: wether go you?  Anai. 
'Slight, what should I do here? and you engrose them all for your own use, 'tis time for me to seek out.  Hed. 
I engrose 'hem? Away mischief, this is one of your extravagant jests now, because I began to salute 'em by their names—  Anai. 
Faith you might have spar'de us Madam Prudence the Guardian there, though you had more covetously aimed at the rest.  Hed. 
‛ 'Sheart, take 'em all man; what speak you to me of aiming or Covetous?  Anai. 
ay, say you so? nay then, have at 'em: Ladies, here's one hath distinguished you by your names already; It shall only become me, to ask; How you do?  Hed. 
God's so, was this the design you travelled with?  Pha. 
Who answers the Brazen head? it spoke to some body?  Anai. 
Lady Wisdom, do you Interpret for these puppets?  Mor. 
In truth, and sadness (Honours) you are in great offence for this; go too, the Gentleman (I'll undertake with him) is a man of fair living, and able to maintain a Lady in her two Coaches a day, besides Pages, Monkeys, and Parachitoes, with such attendants as she shall think meet for her turn; and therefore there is more respect requirable, how soever you seem to connive: Hark you Sir, let me discourse a syllable with you. I am to say to you, these Ladies are not of that close, and open behaviour, as happily you may suspend; their Carriage is well known to be such as it should be, both gentle and extraordinary.  Mor. 
O here comes the other Pair.   

SCENA. 3.  Amorphus. Asotus. Hedon. Anaides. Mercury. Cupid. Phantaste. Philautia. Argurion. Moria. Amor. 
That was your Father's Love, the Nymph Argurion. I would have you direct all your Courtship thither, if you could but endear yourself to her affection, you were eternally engallanted.  Asot. 
In truth Sir? pray Phoebus I prove favorsome in her fair eyes.  Amor. 
All divine mixture, and increase of beauty, to this bright bevy of Ladies; and to the male- Courtiers Compliment, and Courtesy.  Hed. 
In the behalf of the Males, I gratify you Amorphus.  Phan. 
And I of the Females.  Amor. 
Succinctly spoken: I do vale to both your thanks, and kiss them; but primarily to yours, Most ingenious, acute, and polite Lady.  Phi. 
God's my life, how he does all to be qualify her! Ingenious, Acute, and Polite? as if there were not others in place, as Ingenious, Acute, and Polite, as she.  Hed. 
Yes, but you must know Lady, he cannot speak out of a Dictionary method.  Phan. 
Sat down sweet Amorphus. When will this water come think you?  Amor. 
It cannot now be long fair Lady.  Cup. 
Now observe Mercury.  Asot. 
How most Ambiguous beauty? Love you? that I will by this Handkerchief.  Mer. 
'Slid he draws his oaths out of his pocket.  Arg. 
But will you be constant?  Asotus. 
Constant Madam? I will not say for Constantness, but by this Purse (which I would be loath to swear by, unless 'twere embroidered) I protest (more than most fair Lady) you are the only, absolute and unparaleld Creature, I do adore, and admire, and respect, and reverence in this Court, Corner of the world, or Kingdom, Me thinks you are Melancholy.  Arg. 
Does your heart speak all this?  Asot. 
Say you?  Mer. 
O he is groping for another oath.  Asot. 
Now by this Watch (I marl how forward the day is) I do unfeignedly vow myself ('Slight 'tis deeper than I took it, past five) yours entirely addicted, Madam.  Arg. 
I require no more dearest Asotus, henceforth let me call you mine; and in remembrance of me, vouchsafe to wear this Chain, and this Diamond.  Asot. 
O god sweet Lady.  Cup. 
There are new oaths for him: what? doth Hermes taste no Alteration in all this?  Mer. 
Yes, thou hast struck Argurion enamoured on Asotus methinks?  Cup. 
Alas no; I am no body, I: I can do nothing in this disguise.  Mercu. 
But thou hast not wounded any of the rest, Cupid?  Cup. 
Not yet: it is enough that I have begun so prosperously.  Arg. 
Tut, these are nothing to the Gems I will hourly bestow upon thee: be but faithful and kind to me, and I will lad thee with my richest bounties: behold here my Bracelets from mine Arms.  Asot. 
Not so good Lady, By this Diamond.  Arg. 
Take 'em; wear 'em: my jewels, Chain of Pearl, Pendants, all I have.  Asot. 
Nay then, by this Pearl You make me a Wanton.  Cup. 
Shall not she answer for this, to maintain him thus in swearing?  Mer. 
O, no, there is away to wean him from this: the Gentleman may be reclaimed.  Cup. 
ay, if you had the airing of his apparel Cosse, I think.  Asot. 
Loving? 'twere pity I should be living else, believe me. Save you Sir. Save you sweet Lady, Save you Mounsieur Anaides; Save you dear Madam.  Ana. 
Dost thou know him that saluted thee, Hedon?  Hedon. 
No, some idle Fungoso I warrant you.  Ana. 
'Sbloud, I never saw him till this morning, and he salutes me as familiarly, as if we had known together, since the first year of the siege of Troy.  Amor. 
A most right-handed, and auspicious encounter. Confine yourself to your fortunes.  Phi. 
For god's sake let's have some Riddles or Purposes; hough.  Pha. 
No faith, your Prophecies are best, the tother are stale.  Phi. 
Prophecies? we cannot all sit in at them; we shall make a confusion: no; what called you that we had in the forenoon?  Pha. 
Substantives, and adjectives. Is't not Hedon?  Phi. 
I that, who begins?  Pha. 
I have thought; speak your adjectives Sirs?  Phi. 
But do not you change then.  Pha. 
Not I, Who says?  Mor. 
Odoriferous.  Phi. 
Popular.  Arg. 
Humble.  Anai. 
White-livered.  Hedon. 
Barbarous.  Amor. 
Pythagorical.  Hedon. 
Yours signor.  Asot. 
What must I do Sir?  Amor. 
Give forth your adjective with the rest; as Prosperous, Good, Fair, Sweet, Well.  Hed. 
Any thing that hath not been spoken.  Asot. 
Yes Sir: wellspoken shall be mine.  Pha. 
What? ha you all done.  Omnes. 
I.  Pha. 
Then the Substantive is Breeches. Why Odoriferous Breeches Guardian?  Mor. 
Odoriferous, because Odoriferous: that which contains most variety of savour, and smell, we say is most Odoriferous: now Breeches I presume are incident to that variety, and therefore, Odoriferous Breeches.  Pha. 
Well, we must take it howsoever, who's next. Philautia.  Phi. 
Popular.  Pha. 
Why Popular Breeches?  Phi. 
Mary that is, when they are not content to be generally noted in Court; but will press footth on common Stages, and Brokers stalls, to the public view of the world.  Pha. 
Good: why Humble Breeches? Argurien.  Arg. 
Humble, because they use to be sat upon; besides if you tie 'em not up, their property is to fall down about your heels.  Mer. 
She has worn the Breeches it seems which have done so.  Phan. 
But why White-livered?  Anai. 
Why? ' Sharte are not their linings white? beside, when they come in swaggering company, and will pocket up any thing; may they not properly be said to be White-livered?  Phan. 
O yes, we cannot deny it. And why Barbarous, Hedon?  Hedon. 
Barbarous, because commonly when you have worn your Breeches sufficiently, you give them to your Barber.  Amor. 
That's good: but now Pythagorical?  Pha. 
ay, Amorphus. Why Pythagorical Breeches?  Amor. 
O most kindly of all, 'tis a conceit of that Fortune; I am bold to hug my brain for.  Phan. 
How be't, Exquisite Amorphus?  Amor. 
O I am rapt with it, 'tis so fit, so proper, so happy.  Phi. 
Nay do not rack us thus?  Amor. 
I never truly relished myself before. Give me your ears. Breeches Pythagorical, by reason of their transmigration into several shapes.  Moria. 
Most rare in sweet troth. Mary this young Gentleman, for his wellspoken—  Phan. 
ay, why wellspoken Breeches?  Asot. 
wellspoken: mary wellspoken, because whatsoever they speak is well taken, and whatsoever is well taken, is wellspoken.  Moria. 
Excellent: believe me.  Asot. 
Not so Ladies neither.  Hedon. 
But why Breeches now?  Phan. 
Breeches quasi Beare-riches; when a gallant bears all his riches in his Breeches.  Phi. 
In good faith these unhappy Pages, would be whipped for staying thus.  Moria. 
Beshrew my hand, and my heart else.  Amor. 
I do wonder at their protraction.  Anai. 
Pray God my whore have not discovered herself to the rascally Boys, and that be the cause of their stay.  Asot. 
I must suit myself with another Page; this idle Prosaites will never be brought to wait well.  Mor. 
Sir I have a kinsman I could willingly wish to your service, if you would deign to accept of him.  Asot. 
And I shallbe glad (most sweet Lady) to embrace him; where is he?  Mor. 
I can fetch him Sir, but I would be loath to make you turn away your other Page.  Asot. 
You shall not most sufficient Lady, I will keep both: pray you let's go see him.  Exeunt. Arg. 
Whether goes my Love?  Asot. 
I'll return presently; I go but to see a Page with this Lady.  Anaid. 
As sure as Fate 'tis so; she has opened all: A pox of all Cockatrices. Damn me if she have played loose with me, I'll cut her throat within a hairs breadth, so it may be healed again.  Exit. Mercu. 
What is he jealous of his Hermaphrodite?  Cup. 
O I, this will be excellent sport.  Phi. 
Phantaste, Argurion, what? you are suddenly stroke me thinks; for God's will let's ha' some Music till they come. Ambition reach the Lyra I pray you.  Hedon. 
Any thing to which my Honour shall direct me.  Phi. 
Come Amorphus; cheer up Phantaste.  Amor. 
It shall be my pride fair Lady to attempt all that is in my power. But here is an Instrument that (alone) is able to infuse soul in the most melancholic, and dull disposed Creature upon earth; O! let me kiss thy fair knees: Beauteous ears attend it.  Hedon. 
Will you have the Kiss honour.  Phi. 
I good Ambition.  

Ode.  
O That joy so soon should waste!  
or so sweet a bliss  
as a Kiss,  
Might not for ever last!  
So sugared, so melting, so soft, so delicious,  
The dew that lies on Roses,  
When the Morn herself discloses,  
is not so precious:  
O, rather than I would it smother,  
Were I to taste such another;  
It should be my wishing  
That I might die kissing.   Hedon. 
I made this Ditty and the Note to it upon a kiss that my Honour gave me; how like you it Sir.  Amor. 
A pretty Air; in general I like it well. But in particular, your long die-Note did arride me most, but it was somewhat too long: I can show one, almost of the same nature, but much before it, and not so long; in a Composition of mine own: I think I have both the Note, and Ditty about me.  Hed. 
Pray you Sir see.  Amor. 
Yes there is the Note; and all the parts if I misthink not. I will read the Ditty to your Beauties here, but first I am to make you familiar with the occasion, which presents itself thus. Upon a time, going to take my leave of the Emperor, and kiss his great hands; there being then present, the Kings of France, and Arragon, the Dukes of Savoy, Florence, Orleans, Bourbon, Brunswick, the landgrave, Count Palatine, all which had severally feasted me; besides infinite more of inferior persons, as Earls, and others: it was my chance (the Emperor detained by some other affair) to wait him the fifth part of an hour, or much near it. In which time (retiring myself into a Bay-window) I encountered the Lady Annabel niece to the Empress, and sister to the king of Arragon; who (having never before eyed me, but only heard the common report of my Virtue, Learning, and Travail) fell into that extremity of passion, for my love, that she there immediately sounded: Physicians were sent for; she had to her chamber; so to her bed; where (languishing some few days) after many times calling upon me, with my name in her mouth, she expired. As that (I must needs say) is the only fault of my Fortune, that as it hath ever been my hap to be sewed to by all Ladies, and Beauties where I have come; so, I never yet sojourned, or rested in that place, or part of the world, where some great and admirable fair Creature died not for my love.  Mer. 
O the sweet power of travail, are you guilty of this Cupid?  Cup. 
No Mercury; and that his page (Cos) knows, and he were here present to be sworn.  Phi. 
But how doth this draw on the Ditty Sir.  Mor. 
O she is to quick with him; he hath not devised that yet.  Amor. 
Marry some hour before she departed, she bequeathed to me this Glove; which the Emperor himself took care to send after me, in six Coaches, covered all with black-veluet, attended by the state of his Empire; all which he freely gave me, and I reciprocally (out of the same bounty) gave it to the Lords that brought it: only reserving, and respecting, the gift of the deceased Lady, upon which I composed this Ode, and set it to my most affected Instrument the Lyra.  

Ode.  
THou more than most sweet Glove,  
Unto my more sweet Love;  
Suffer me to store, with kisses  
This empty lodging, that now misses  
The pure Rosy hand that ware thee,  
Whiter than the Kid that bore thee:  
Thou art soft, but that was softer;  
Cupid's self hath kissed it ofter,  
Then ere he did his mother's Doves,  
Supposing her the Queen of Loves  
That was thy Mistress  
Best of Gloves.   Mer. 
Blasphemy, Blasphemy Cupid.  Cup. 
ay, I'll revenge it time enough; Hermes.  Phi. 
Good Amorphus, let's here it sung.  Amor. 
I care not to do that, since it pleaseth Philautia to request it.  Hed. 
here Sir.  Amor. 
Nay play it I pray you, you do well, you do well: how like you it Sir?  He sings. Hed. 
Very well in troth.  Amor. 
But very well? O you are a mere Mammothrept in judgement then: why do you not observe how excellently the Ditty is affected in every place? that I do not marry a word of short quantity, to a long Note, nor an ascending Syllable to a descending Tone. Besides upon the word Best there, you see how I do enter with an odd Minnum, and drive it through the Brief, which no intelligent physician (I know) but will affirm to be very rare, extraordinary, and pleasing.  Mer. 
And yet not fit to lament the death of a Lady for all this.  Cup. 
Tut here be they will swallow any thing.  Phantast. 
Pray you let me have a copy of it Amorphus.  Phi. 
And me too, in troth I like it exceedingly.  Amor. 
I have denied it to Princes, nevertheless to you (the true Female Twins of Perfection) I am won to depart withal.  Hed. 
I hope I shall have my honours copy.  Pha. 
You are Ambitious in that Hedon. Enter Anaides.  Amor. 
How now Anaides? what is it hath conjured up this distemperature in the circle of your face?  Anai. 
'Sblod what have you to do? A pox of God o'your filthy travailing Beard; hold your tongue.  Hed. 
Nay, dost hear mischief?  Anai. 
Away Musk-cat.  Amor. 
I say to thee: Thou art rude, impudent, course, impolish; a Frapler, and base.  Hed. 
Heart of my father, what a strange alteration has half a years haunting of Ordinaries wrought in this fellow? that came with a Tuff-taffata jerkin to Town but th'other day, and now he is turned Hercules, he wants but a Club.  Anai. 
Sir, I will garter my hose with your guts; and that shall be all.  Exit. Mercur. 
'Slid what rare fire works be here? flash, flash.  Pha. 
What's the matter Hedon? can you tell?  Hed. 
Nothing but that he lacks money, & thinks we le lend him some to be friends.  Enter Asot. Mor. Morus. Asot. 
Come sweet Lady, in good truth i'll have it, you shall not deny me; Morus persuade your Aunt I may have her picture, by any means.  Morus. 
Yes Sir: good Aunt now, let him have it; he will use me the better, if you love me, do good Aunt.  Moria. 
Well, tell him he shall have it.  Morus. 
Master, you shall have it, she says;  Asot. 
Shall I? thank her good Page.  Cup. 
What has he entertained the Fool?  Mer. 
ay, he'll wait close you shall see, though the beggar hang off.  Morus. 
Aunt my master thanks you.  Moria. 
Call him hither.  Morus. 
Yes: master.  Moria. 
Yes in very truth, and gave me this Purse, and he has promised me a most fine Dog; which he will have drawn with my Picture, and desires most vehemently to be known to your Ladyshipps.  Pha. 
Call him hither, 'tis good groping such a Gull.  Moria. 
Master Asotus. Master Asotus.  Asot. 
For God's sake, let me go: you see, I am called to the Ladies.  Argu. 
Wilt thou forsake me then?  Asotus, 
God's so, what would you have me do?  Moria. 
Come hither master Asotus; I do ensure your Ladyships, he is a Gentleman of a very worthy desert; and of a most bountiful nature. You must show and insinuate yourself responsible, and equivalent now to my commendment. Good Honours grace him.  Asot. 
I protest (more than most fair Ladies) I do wish all variety of divine pleasure, choice sport, sweet Music, rich Fare, brave attires, soft Beds, and silken Thoughts, attend these fair Beauties. Will it please your Ladyship to wear this Chain of Pearl, and this Diamond for my sake.  Arg. 
O.  Asot. 
And you Madam this jewel, and Pendants.  Arg. 
O.  Phan. 
We know not how to deserve these bounties out of so slight merit, Asotus.  Phi. 
No in faith, but there's my Glove for a favour.  Phan. 
And soon after the Revels I will bestow a Garter on you.  Asot. 
O Lord Ladies, it is more grace than ever I could have hoped, but that it pleaseth your Ladyships to extend; I protest it is enough that you but take knowledge of my— if your ladyships want embroidered Gowns, Tires of any Fashion, Rebatus, jewels, or Carcanets, any thing what soever; if you vouchsafe to accept.  Cup. 
And for it they will help you to Shoe-ties, and devices.  Asot. 
I cannot utter myself (Dear Beauties) but; you can conceive—  Arg. 
O.  Phan. 
Sir we will acknowledge your service doubt not; henceforth you shall be no more Asotus to us, but our Goldfinch, and we your Cages.  Hedon. 
O God Madams, how shall I deserve this? if I were but made acquainted with Hedon now; I'll try: pray you away.  Mer. 
How he prays Money to go away from him.  Asot. 
Amorphus, a word with you: here's a Watch I would bestow upon you, pray you make me known to that Gallant.  Amor. 
That I will Sir. Mounsieur Hedon I must entreat you to exchange knowledge with this Gentleman.  Hed. 
'Tis a thing (next to the water we expect) I thirst after Sir. Good Mounsieur Asotus.  Asot. 
Good Mounsieur Hedon, I would be glad to be loved of men of your Rank, and spirit, I protest. Please you to accept this pair of Bracelets Sir, they are not worth the bestowing.  Mer. 
O Hercules; how the Gentleman purchases? this must needs bring Argurion to a consumption.  Hed. 
Sir, I shall never stand in the merit of such Bounty. I fear.  Asot. 
O Lord Sir; your acquaintance shall be sufficient. And if at any time you need my Bill or my Bond.  Arg. 
O, O.  Argurion 'swounds. Amor. 
Help the Lady there.  Moria. 
God's dear, Argurion. Madam, how do you?  Arg. 
Sick.  Phan. 
Have her forth and give her air.  Asot. 
I come again straight Ladies.  Mer. 
Well, I doubt all the physic he has, will scarce recover her; she's too far spent.  Exeunt Asotus, Morus, Argurion.  

SCENA. 4.  Anaides. Gelaia. Cos. Prosaites. Philautia. Phantaste. Moria. Amorphus. Hedon. Phi. 
O here's the Water come: fetch Glasses Page.  Gelaia. 
Heart of my body here's a coil indeed with your jealous humours. Nothing but Whore, and Bitch, and all the villainous swaggering names you can think on? 'Slid take your Bottle, and put it in your guts for me, I'll see you poxed ere I follow you any longer?  Anai. 
Nay good Punk, sweet Rascal; damn me if I am jealous now.  Gelaia. 
That's true indeed, pray let's go.  Moria. 
What's the matter there?  Gelaia. 
'Slight he has me upon Intergatories, (nay my Mother shall know how you use me) where I have been? and why I should stay so long? and how be't possible? and withal calls me at his pleasure; I know not how many Cockatrices, and things.  Moria. 
In truth and sadness, these are no good Epithets  Anaides: 
to bestow upon any Gentlewoman; and (I'll ensure you) if I had known you would have dealt thus with my Daughter, she should never have fancied you so deeply, as she has done. Go too.  Anai. 
Why do you he●re Mother Moria. Heart.  Moria. 
Nay I pray you Sir do not swear.  Anai. 
Swear? why? 'Sblood I have sworn afore now I hope. Both you and your daughter mistake me; I have not honoured Arete that is held the worthiest Lady in the Court (next to Cynthia) with half that observance and respect, as I have done her in private, howsoever outwardly I have carried myself careless and negligent. Come you are a foolish Punk, and know not when you are well employed. Kiss me. Come on. Do it I say.  Moria. 
Nay, indeed I must confess she is apt too misprision. But I must have you leave it Minion.  Enter Asotus. Amor. 
How now Asotus? how does the Lady?  Asot. 
faith ill. I have left my Page with her at her lodging.  Hed. 
O here's the rarest Water that ever was tasted; fill him some.  Prosai. 
What? has my Master a new Page?  Mer. 
Yes a kinsman of the Lady Morias: you must wait better now, or you are cashiered Prosaites.  Anai. 
Come Gallants; you must pardon my foolish humour, when I am angry, that any thing crosses me, I grow impatient straight. Here I drink to you.  Phi 
O that we had five or six Bottles more of this liquor.  Pha. 
Now I commend your judgement Amorphus: who's that knocks? look Page.  Moria. 
O most delicious, a little of this would make Argurion well.  Pha. 
O no give her no cold drink by any means.  Anai. 
'Sblood, this water is the spirit of Wine, I'll be hanged else.  Cup. 
Heeres the Lady Arete Madam.   

SCENA. 5.  Arete. Phantaste. Philautia. Moria. Anaides. Gelaia. Cos. Prosaites. Amorphus. Asotus. Hedon. Mercury. Cupid. Arete. 
What at your Beaver Gallants?  Moria. 
Wilt please your Ladyship drink, 'tis of the new fountain water.  Arete. 
Not I, Moria; I thank you: Gallant you must provide for some solemn Revels to night, Cynthia is minded to come forth, and grace your sports with her presence; therefore I could wish there were some thing extraordinary to entertain her.  Amo. 
What say you to a mask?  Hed. 
Nothing better, if the Invention or Project were new and rare.  Arete. 
Why, I'll send for Criticus, and have his advise; you will be ready in your endeavours;  Pha. 
Yes: but will not your Ladyship stay?  Arete. 
Not now Phantaste.  Exit. Phi. 
Let her go, I pray you; good Lady Sobriety, I am glad we are rid of her.  Pha. 
What a set Face the gentlewoman has, as she were still going to a Sacrifice?  Phi. 
O she is the extraction of a dozen of Puritans, for a look.  Moria 
Of all Nymphs i' the Court I cannot away with her: 'tis the cursest thing—  Phi. 
I wonder how Cynthia can affect her so above the rest! here be they are every way as fair as she, and a thought, fairer, I trow.  Pha. 
ay, and as ingenious, and conceited as she.  Moria. 
I and as politic as she, for all she sets such a Forehead on't.  Phi. 
Would I were dead if I would change to be Cynthia.  Pha. 
Or I.  Moria. 
Or I.  Amor. 
And there's her Minion Criticus; why his advise more than Amorphus? have I not Invention, afore him? Learning, to better that Invention, above him? and Travail.—  Anai. 
Death, what talk you of his Learning? he understands no more than a schoolboy; I have put him down myself a thousand times (by this Air) and yet I never talked with him but twice in my life; you never saw his like: I could never get him to argue with me, but once, and then because I could not construe a piece of Horace at first sight, he went away and laughed at me. By God's will, I scorn him, as I do the sodden Nymph that was here even now; his mistress Arete: And I love myself for nothing else.  Hed. 
I wonder the Fellow does not hang himself, being thus scorned, and contemned of us that are held the most accomplished Society of Gallants!  Mer. 
By yourselves none else.  Hed. 
I protest, if I had no Music in me, no Courtship; that I were not a Reveller and could dance, or had not those excellent qualities that give a man Life, and Perfection, but a mere poor Scholar as he is, I think I should make some desperate way with myself; whereas now (would I might never breathe more) if I do know that Creature in this kingdom, with whom I would change.  Cup. 
This is excellent: well I must alter this soon.  Mer. 
Look you do Cupid.  Asot. 
O I shall tickle it soon; I did never appear till then. 'Slid I am the neatliest-made Gallant i'the company, & have the best presence; and my dancing— I know what the Usher said to me the last time I was at the school; would I might lead Philautia in the measure, and 'tweere gods will. I am most worthy, I am sure.  Enter Morus. Morus. 
Master I can tell you news, the Lady kissed me yonder, and played with me; and says she loved you once, as well as she does me, but that you cast her of.  Asot. 
Peace my most esteemed Page.  Morus. 
Yes.  Amor. 
Gallants, think upon your Time, and take it by the forehead; Anaides, we must mix this gentleman with you in acquaintance. Mounsieur Asotus.  Anai. 
I am easily entreated to grace any of your friends, Amorphus.  Asot. 
Sir, and his friends shall likewise grace you Sir. Nay I begin to know myself now.  Amor. 
O, you must continue your Bounties.  Asot. 
Must I? why i'll give him this Ruby on my finger.  Hed. 
Come Ladies; but stay we shall want one to Lady it in our mask in place of Argurion.  Anai. 
Why my page shall do it, Gelaia.  Hed. 
Troth and hell do it well, it shallbe so.  Exeunt. Asot. 
Do you here Sir, I do heartily wish your acquaintance, and I partly know myself worthy of it; please you Sir, to accept this poor Ruby in a Ring Sir. The Poesy is of my own devise. Let this blush for me Sir.  Anai. 
So it must for me, too. For I am not ashamed to take it.  Exit. Morus. 
Sweet man, by my troth master I love you; will you love me to? for my Aunt's sake? I'll wait well you shall see, I'll still be here. Would I might never stir, but you are in gay clothes.  As●t. 
As for that Morus, thou shalt see more here after, in the mean time, by this air, or by this Feather, i'll do as much for thee as any Gallant shall do for his Page whatsoever, in this Court, corner of the world, or Kingdom.  Exeunt. Mercury. 
I wonder this gentleman should affect to keep a fool, me thinks he makes sport enough with himself.  Cup. 
Well Prosaites tweere good you did wait closer.  Pro. 
ay, I'll look to it; 'tis time.  Cos. 
We are like to have sumptuous Revels to night Sirs.  Mer. 
We must needs when all the choicest Singularities of the Court are up in Pantofles, near a one of them, but is able to make a whole show of it sel●e.  Hed. 
Sirrah a Torch, a torch.  Hedon within. Mercury. 
O what a call is there? I will have a Canzanet made with nothing in it but Strall; and the Burden shallbe. I come.  Exeunt Omnes.  

SCENA. 6.  Arete. Criticus. Crit. 
—. A mask, bright Arete?  
Why tweere a labour more for Hercules.  
Better, and sooner durst I undertake:  
To make the different seasons of the Year,  
The Winds, or Elements to sympathise;  
Then their unmeasurable vanity  
Dance truly in a measure: They agree?  
What though all Concord's borne of Contraries?  
So many Follies will confusion prove.  
And like a sort of jarring Instruments,  
All out of tune; because (indeed) we see  
There is not that Analogy twixt Discords,  
As between things but merely opposite.  Aret. 
There is your error; for as Hermes' wand  
Charms the disorders, of tumultuous Ghosts,  
And as the strife of Chaos than did cease,  
When better light than Natures did arrive;  
So, what could never in itself agree,  
Forgetteth the eccentric property,  
And at her sight turns forthwith regular,  
Whose sceptre guides the flowing Ocean:  
And though it did not, yet the most of them  
(Being either Courtiers, or not wholly rude)  
Respect of Majesty, the Place, and Presence,  
Will keep them within Ring; especially  
When they are not presented as themselves,  
But masqued like others: for (in troth) not so  
T'incorporate them, could be nothing else  
Then like a State ungoverned, without laws; or  
A body made of nothing but diseases;  
The one, through impotency poor, and wretched;  
The other for the Anarchy absurd.  Crit. 
But Lady, for the Revelers themselves;  
It would be better (in my poor conceit,)  
That others were employed; for such as are  
Unfit to be in Cynthia's Court, can seem  
No less unfit to be in Cynthia's sports.  Aret. 
That is not done (my Criticus) without  
Particular knowledge of the Goddess mind;  
Who (holding true intelligence, what Follies  
Had crept into her Palace) she resolved,  
Of sports, and Triumphs; under that pretext,  
To have them muster in their Pomp and Fullness:  
That so she might more strictly, and to root,  
Effect the Reformation she intends.  Crit. 
I now conceive her heavenly drift in all;  
And will apply my spirits to serve thy will:  
O thou, the very power by which I am;  
And but for which, it were in vain to be;  
Chief next Diana, Virgin, heavenly fair,  
Admired Arete, (of them admired  
Whose souls are not enkindled by the sense)  
Disdain not my chaste fire, but feed the flame  
Devoted truly to thy gracious name.  Arete. 
Leave to suspect us: Criticus shall find  
As we are now most dear, we'll prove most kind.  Arete Within. Arete. 
Hark, I am called.  Exit. Crit. 
I follow instantly,  
Phoebus Apollo: if with ancient Rites,  
And due Devotions, I have ever hung  
Elaborate Paeans on thy golden Shrine,  
Or sung thy Triumphs in a lofty strain;  
Fit for a Theatre of Gods to hear:)  
And thou the other son of mighty jove  
Cyllenian Mercury (sweet Maia's joy)  
If in the busy tumults of the mind,  
My path thou ever hast illumined:  
For which, thine Altars I have oft perfumed,  
And decked thy Statue with discoloured flowers:  
Now thrive Invention in this glorious Court,  
That not of bounty only, but of right,  
Cynthia may grace, and give it life by sight.  Exit. 
Finis Actus quarti.    

ACTUS QVINTUS.  

SCENA. 1.  Hesperus. Cynthia. Arete. Time. Phronesis. Thauma. 

Hymnus.  Hesp. 

Queen and Huntress, chaste, and fair,  
Now the Sun is laid to sleep,  
Seated, in thy silver Chair,  
State in wont manner keep:  
Hesperus entreats thy light,  
Goddess excellently bright.   

Earth, let not thy envious shade  
Dare itself to interpose;  
Cynthia's shining Or be was made  
Heaven to clear, when day did close:  
Bless us then with wished sight,  
Goddess excellently bright.   

Lay thy Bow of Pearl apart.  
And thy crystal-shining Quiver;  
Give unto the flying Hart,  
Space to breath, how short soever.  
Thou, that mak'st a day of night,  
Goddess excellently Bright.   Exit.  Cynth.. 
When hath Diana, like an envious wretch,  
That glitters only to his soothed self,  
Denying to the world the precious use  
Of hoardward wealth, withheld her friendly aid?  
Mon'thly we spend our still-repaired shine,  
And not forbid our Virgin-waxen torch,  
To burn, and blaze while nutriment doth last:  
That once consumed, out of Ioues treasury  
Anew we take, and stick it in our Sphere  
To give the mutinous kind of wanting men,  
Their looked for light. Yet what is their desert?  
" Bounty is wronged, interpreted as due;  
" Mortals can challenge not a Ray but right,  
" Yet do expect the whole of Cynthia's light:  
But if that Deities withdrew their gifts,  
For human Follies, what should men deserve  
But Death and Darkness? It behooves the high,  
For their own sakes to do things worthily.  Arete. 
Most true, most sacred goddess; for the Heavens  
Receive no good of all the good they do:  
Nor jove, nor you, nor other heavenly Power,  
Are fed with Fumes, which do from Incense rise,  
Or Sacrifices reeking in their gore:  
Yet for the care which you of mortals have,  
(Whose proper Good it is, that they be so;)  
You well are pleased with Odours redolent:  
But ignorant is all the Race of men,  
Which still complains, not knowing why, or when,  Cyn. 
Else noble Arete, they would notblame,  
And tax for or unjust, or for as proud  
Thy Cynthia, in the things which are indeed  
The greatest glories in our starry crown:  
Such is our Chastity, which safely scorns,  
Not Love (for who more fervently doth love  
Immortal Honour, and divine Renown?)  
But giddy Cupid, Venus' frantic son.  
Yet Arete, if by this veiled light  
We but discovered (what we not discern)  
Any the least of imputations, stand  
Ready to sprinkle our unspotted fame,  
With note of lightness, from these Revels near:  
Not, for the Empire of the Universe  
Should Night or Court, this whatsoever shine  
Or grace of ours, unhappily enjoy.  
" Place, and Occasion are two privy thieves;  
" And from poor innocent Ladies, often steal  
" (The best of things) an honourable Name:  
" To stay with Follies, or where Faults may be,  
" Infers a Crime, although the party free.  Aret. 
How Cynthianly (that is how worthily  
And like herself) the matchless Cynthia speaks!  
Infinite jealousies, infinite Regards,  
Do watch about the true virginity:  
But Phoebe lives from all not only fault,  
But as from thought, so from suspicion free,  
" Thy Presence broadseals our delights for pure,  
" What's done in Cynthia's sight, is done secure.  Cynt. 
That then so answered (Dearest Arete)  
What th' Argument, or of what sort, our Sports  
Are like to be this night; I not demand.  
Nothing which Duty, and desire to please  
Bears written in the forehead, comes amiss;  
But unto whose Invention, must we owe,  
The complement of this night's furniture?  Aret. 
Excellent Goddess, to man's, whose worth,  
(Without Hyperbole,) I thus may praise;  
One (at least) studious, of deserving well:  
And (to speak truth) indeed deserving well,  
" Potential merit stands for actual,  
" Where only Opportunity doth want,  
" Not Will, nor Power: both which in him abound.  
One whom the Muses, and Minerva love;  
For whom should they more love than Criticus,  
Whom Phoebus (though not Fortune) holdeth dear?  
And (which convinceth excellence in him,)  
A principal admirer of yourself:  
Even through th'ungentle injuries of Fate,  
And difficulties, which do virtue choke,  
Thus much of him appears. What other things  
Of farther note, do lie unborn in him,  
Them I do leave for cherishment to show.  
And for a Goddess graciously to judge.  Cynt. 
We have already judged him Arete:  
Nor are we ignorant, how noble minds  
Suffer too much through those indignities,  
Which Times, and vicious Persons cast on them:  
Ourself have ever vowed to esteem  
(As Virtue, for itself) so Fortune, base;  
Who first in Worth, the same be first in Place.  
Nor farther notice (Arete) we crave  
Then thine approvalls sovereign warranty:  
Let, be thy care, to make us known to him;  
" Cynthia shall brighten what the World made dim.   

SCENA. 2. THE FIRST MASQVE.  Cupid like Anteros. Ante. 
Clear Pearl of Heaven, and not to be farther ambitious in titles) Cynthia. The fame of this illustrious night, among others hath also drawn these four fair Virgins from the Palace of their Queen Perfection (a word, which makes no sufficient difference, twixt hers, and thine) to visit thy Imperial Court: for she their Sovereign Lady, not finding where to dwell among men, before her teturne to heaven: advised them wholly to consecrate themselves to thy Celestial service, as in whose clear Spirit (the proper Element, and Sphere of virtues) they should behold not her alone, (their ever honoured Mistress) but themselves) more truly themselves) to live enthronised. Herself would have commended them unto thy favour more particularly, but that she knows no commendation is more available with thee than that of proper virtue: Nevertheless, she wild them to present this Crystal Mound, a note of Monarchy, and Symbol of Perfection, to thy more worthy Deity; which as here by me they most humbly do, so amongst the Rarities thereof, that is the chief, to show whatsoever the world hath excellent, howsoever remote and various. But your irradiate judgement will soon discover the secrets of this little Crystal world. Themselves (to appear the more plainly) because they know nothing more odious than false pretexts: have chosen to express their several qualities thus in several colours.  
1 The first in Citron colour is natural Affection, which given us to procure our good, is sometime called Storge, and as every one is nearest to himself, so this Handmaid of Reason, allowable Self-love, as it is without harm, so are none without it: Her place in the Court of Perfection was to quicken minds in the pursuit of honour. Her device is a Perpendicular Level upon a Cube or Square. The word, SE SVO MODULO: alluding to that true measure of ones self, which as every one ought to make, so is it most conspicuous in thy divine example.  
2 The second in green is Aglaia, delectable and pleasant Conversation, whose property it is to move a kindly delight, and sometime not without laughter: Her office to entertain assemblies, and keep societies together with fair familiarity. Her device within a Ring of clouds, a Heart with shine about it, the word, CURARUM NUBILA PELLO. An Allegory of Cynthia's light, which no less clears the Sky, than her fair Mirth the heart.  
3 The third, in discoloured Mantle spangled all over, is Euphantaste, a well conceited Wittiness, and employed in honouring the Court with the riches of her pure Invention. Her device upon a Petasus, or Merenriall Hat, a Crescent. The word; SIC LAUS INGENII: Inferring that the praise and glory of wit, doth ever increase, as doth thy growing Moon.  
4 The fourth in White is Apheleia, a Nymph as pure and simple as the Soul, or as an abrase Table, and is therefore called Symplicity; without folds, without plights, without colour, without counterfeit: and (to speak plainly) Plainness itself. Her device is no Device. The word under her silver Shield: OMNIS ABEST FUCUS, alluding to thy spotless self, who art as far from Impurity, as from Mortality.  
Myself (Celestial Goddess) more fit for the Court of Cynthia, than the Arbours of Cythere, am called Anteros, or loves enemy; the more welcome therefore to thy Court, and the fitter to conduct this Quaternio, who as they are thy professed Votaries, and for that cause adversaries to Love, yet thee (Perpetual Virgin) they both love, and vow to love eternally.   

SCENA. 3.  Cynthia. Arete. Criticus. Cynthia. 
Not without wonder, nor with out delight,  
Mine eyes have veiwd in Contemplation's depth,  
This work of wit, divine, and excellent:  
What Shape? what Substance? or what unknown Power  
In virgin's habit crowned with Laurel leaves  
And Olive branches woven in between,  
On Sea-girt Rock like to a Goddess shines?  
O front! O face! O all celestial sure  
And more than mortal! Arete, behold  
Another Cynthia, and another Queen,  
Whose glory (like a lasting Plenilune)  
Seems ignorant of what it is to wane.  
Not under heaven an Object could be found  
More fit to please; let Criticus approach,  
Bounty forbids to paul our thanks with stay,  
Or to defer our favour after view:  
" The time of Grace is, when the Cause is new.  Arete. 
Lo here the man (celestial Delia)  
Who (like a Circle bounded in itself,)  
Contains as much, as Man in fullness may.  
Lo here the man; who, not of usual earth,  
But of that nobler, and more precious mould  
Which Phoebus' self doth temper, is composed;  
And, who (though all were wanting to reward,  
Yet, to himself he would not wanting be:  
Thy Favours gain is his Ambitions most,  
And labours best; who (humble in his height)  
Stands fixed silent in thy glorious sight.  Cynthia. 
With no less pleasure, than we have beheld,  
This precious Crystal, work of rarest wit,  
Our eye doth read thee, now, our Criticus;  
Whom Learning, Virtue, and our Favour last,  
Exempteth from the gloomy Multitude.  
" With common eye the Supreme should not see.  
Hence forth be ours, the more thyself to be.  Crit. 
heavens purest light, whose Orb may be eclipsed,  
But not thy Praise; (divinest Cynthia)  
How much too narrow for so high a grace,  
Thy (save therein) unworthy Criticus:  
Doth find himself? for ever shine thy Fame;  
Thine Honours ever, as thy Beauties do;  
In me they must, my dark worlds chiefest Lights;  
By whose propitious beams my powers are raised  
To hope some part of those most lofty points,  
Which blessed Arete hath pleased to name  
As marks, which my'ndeuors steps should bend:  
Mine, as begun at thee, in thee must end.   

SCENA. 4. THE SECOND MASQVE.  Mercury as a Page. Mer. 
Sister of Phoebus to whose bright Orb we owe, that we not complain of his Absence; These four Brethren (for they are Brethrens and sons of Eutaxia, a Lady known, and highly beloved of your resplendent Deity) not able to be absent, when Cynthia held a solemnity, officiously insinuate themselves into thy presence: For as there are four Cardinal virtues, upon which the whole Frame of the Court doth move, so are these the four Cardinal properties without which the Body of Complement moveth not. With those four silver javelins (which they bear in their hands) they support in Princes Courts the state of the Presence, as by office they are obliged; which though here they may seem superfluous, yet for honours sake they thus presume to visit thee, having also been employed in the Palace of Queen Perfection. And though to them, that would make themselves gracious to a Goddess, Sacrifices were fitter than Presents or Impresses, yet they both hope thy favour, and (in place of either) use several Symbols containing the titles of thy imperial Dignity.  
1 The hit hermost in the changeable blue, and green Robe, is the commendably-fashionate Gallant Eucosmos; whose Courtly Habit is the grace of the Presence, and delight of the surveying eye: whom Ladies understand by the names of Neat, & Elegant. His Symbol is DIVAE VIRGINI, in which he would express thy Deities principal glory, which hath ever been Virginity.  
2 The second in the rich Acoutrement, and Robe of Purple empaled with Gold, is Eupathes; who entertains his mind with an harmless, but not incurious variety: All the Objects of his senses are Sumptuous, himself a Gallant, that without excess can make use of superfluities: go richly in Imbroyders, jewels, (and what not?) without Vanity; and fare delicately without Gluttony: and therefore (not without cause) is universally thought to be of fine humour. His Symbol is DIVAE OPTIMAE. An attribute to express thy Goodness in which thou so resemblest love thy father.  
3. The third in the blush-collourd Suit is Eutolmos, as duly respecting others, as never neglecting himself; commonly known by the title of Good Audacity, to Courts and courtly assemblies, a guest most acceptable. His Symbol is DIVAE VIRAGINI, To express thy hardy Courage, in chase of Savage beasts which harbour in Woods, and Wilderness.  
4. The fourth in Watchet-Tinsell, is the kind, and truly Benific Eucolos. Who imparteth not without respect, but yet without difficulty: and hath the happiness to make every kindness seem double, by the timely, and freely bestowing thereof, he is the chief of them who (by the vulgar) are said to be of Good Nature. His Symbol is DIVAE MAXIMAE. An Adjunct to signify thy greatness, which in heaven, earth, and hell is formidable.   

SCENA. 5. THE MASQUES join.  Cupid, Mercury. Cup. 
Is not that Amorphus the traveler?  Mer. 
As though it were not? do you not see how his legs are in travail with a Measure?  Cup. 
Hedon, thy master is next.  Mer. 
What will Cupid turn Nomenclator, and cry them?  Cup. 
No faith, but I have a Comedy toward, that would not be lost for a kingdom.  Mer. 
In good time, for Cupid will prove the Comedy.  Cup. 
Mercury, I am studying how to match them.  Mer. 
How too mismatch them, were harder.  Cup. 
It is the Nymphs must do it, I shall sport myself with their passions above measure.  Mer. 
Those Nymphs would be tamed a little indeed, but I fear thou hast not Arrows for the purpose.  Cup. 
O yes, here be of all sorts, Flight's, Rovers, and Butshafts. But I can wound with a Brandish, and never draw Bow for the matter.  Mer. 
I cannot but believe it my invisible Archer, and yet me thinks you are tedious.  Cup: 
It behoves me to be somewhat circumspect Mercury, for if Cynthia here the twang of my Bow, sneele go near to whip me with the string; therefore to prevent that, I thus discharge a Brandish upon— it makes no matter which of the couples: Phantaste, and Amorphus at you.  Mer. 
Will the shaking of a shaft, strike'hem into such a Fever of Affection?  Cup. 
As well as the wink of an Eye: but I pray thee hinder me not with thy prattle.  Mer. 
jove forbid I hinder thee. Marry all that I fear is Cynthia's presence, which with the could of her chastity, casteth such an Antiperistasis about the place, that no heat of thine will tarry with the Patient.  Cup. 
It wiltarry the rather, for the Antiperistasis will keep it in.  Mer. 
I long to see the experiment.  Cup. 
Why their marrow boils already, or they are all turned Eunuches.  Mer. 
Nay an't be so, I'll give overspeaking, & be a Spectator only.  They dance the 1. Strains. Amor. 
Cynthia (by my bright soul) is a right exquisite, and spendidious Lady; yet Amorphus I think hath seen more fashions, I am sure more Countries; but whether I have or no: what need we gaze on Cynthia, that have ourself to admire?  Phan. 
O excellent Cynthia; yet if Phantaste sat where she does, and had such a tire on her head (for attire can do much) I say no more; but Goddesses are Goddesses, and Phantaste is as she is. I would the Revels were done once, I might go to my School of Glass again, and learn to do myself right after all this Ruffling.  Mer. 
How now Cupid? here's a wonderful change with your Brandish? do you not hear, how they dote?  Cup. 
What Prodigy is this? no Word of Love? no Mention? no Motion?  Mer. 
Not a word my little Hell-fire, not a word.  Cup. 
Are my Darts enchanted? is their vigour gone? is their virtue—  Mer. 
What? Cupid turned jealous of himself? ha, ha, ha.  Cup. 
Laughs Mercury?  Mer. 
Is Cupid angry?  Cup. 
Hath he not cause, when his purpose is so deluded?  Mer. 
A rare Comedy, it shall be entitled; Cupid's.  Cup. 
Do not scorn us Hermes.  Mer. 
Chollar and Cupid are two fiery things; I scorn 'em not. But I see that come to pass which I presaged in the beginning.  Cup. 
You cannot tell: perhaps the Physic will not work so soon upon some, as upon others. It may be the Rest are not so resty.  Mer. 
Ex ungue, you know the old Adage; as these, so are the remainder.  Cup. 
I'll try: this is the same Shaft with which I wounded Argurion.  Mer. 
ay, but let me save you a labour Cupid: there were certain Bottles of Water fetched, and drunk off, (since that time,) by these Gallants.  Cup. 
jove strike me into earth: The Fountain of Self-love?  Mer. 
Nay faint not Cupid.  Cup. 
I remembered it not.  Mer. 
Faith it was ominous to take the name of Anteros upon you, you know not what Charm or Enchantment lies in the word: you saw I durst not venture upon any devise in our presentment: but was content to be no other than a simple Page. Your Arrows properties (to keep decorum) Cupid, are suited (it should seem) to the nature of him you personate.  Cup. 
Indignity not to be borne.  Mer. 
Nay rather an attempt to have been forborn.  Cup. 
How might I revenge myself on this insulting Mercury? there's Criticus his Minion: he has not tasted of this water? it shall be so.  They dance the 2. strain. 
Is Criticus turned Dotard on himself too?  Mer. 
That follows not, because the venom of your shafts cannot pierce him.  Cup. 
As though there were one Antidote for these, & another for him?  Mer. 
As though there were not? or as if one Effect might not arise of diverse causes? what say you to Cynthia, Arete, Phronesis Tim E, and others there?  Cup. 
They are divine.  Mer. 
And Criticus aspires to be so.  Cup. 
But that shall not serve him.  Mer. 
'tis like to do prettily well at this time. But Cupid is grown too covetous, that will not spare one of a Multitude.  Cup. 
One is more than a Multitude.  Mer. 
Aretes favour makes any one shot proof against thee Cupid.  They dance the 3. strain. 
I pray thee light Honey-bee, remember thou art not now in Adonis' garden, but in Cynthia's presence, where thorns lie in garrison about the Roses. Soft Cynthia speaks.  Cynthia. 
Ladies and gallants,  
To give a timely period to our sports,  
Let us conclude them, with declining night;  
Our Empire is but of the darker half:  
And if you judge it any recompense,  
For your fair pains, t'have earned Diana's thanks;  
Diana grants them: and bestows their crown  
To gratify your acceptable Zeal.  
For you are they, that not (as some have done)  
Do censure us, as too severe, and sour,  
But as (more rightly) Gracious to the Good;  
Although we not deny, unto the Proud,  
Or the Profane, perhaps indeed austere:  
For so Actaeon by presuming far,  
Did (to our grief) incur a fatal doom;  
And so, swollen Niobe (comparing more  
Than he presumed) was trophaeed into stone.  
But are we therefore judged too extreme?  
Seems it no Crime to enter sacred Bowers,  
And hallowed Places with impure aspect  
Most lewdly to pollute? Seems it no crime,  
To brave a Deity? let Mortals learn  
To make Religion of offending Heaven;  
And not at all to censure powers divine:  
To Men, this Argument should stand for firm,  
" A Goddess did it; therefore it was good:  
" We are not cruel, nor delight in blood.  
But what have serious Repetitions  
To do with Revels, and the sports of Court?  
We not intend to sour your late delights  
With harsh expostulation; Let suffice  
That we take notice, and can take revenge  
Of these calumnious, and lewd Blasphemies;  
For we are no less Cynthia, than we were,  
Nor is our Power (but as ourself) the same:  
Though we have now put on no tire of shine  
But mortal eyes undazled may endure.  
" Years, are beneath the Spheres; and Time makes weak,  
" Things under Heaven; not Powers which govern Heaven:  
And though ourself be in ourself, secure,  
Yet let not mortals challenge to themselves  
Immunity from thence; Lo this is all:  
" Honour hath store of spleen, but wanteth Gall.  
Once more, we cast the slumber of our thanks  
On your ta'en toil, which here let take an end:  
And that we not mistake your several worths,  
Nor you our Favour; from yourselves remove,  
What makes you not yourselves; those clouds of mask:  
" Particular pains, particular thanks do ask.  They Unmask. 
— Are we contemned?  
Is there so little awe of our Disdain,  
That any (under trust of their disguise)  
Should mix themselves with others of the Court?  
And (without forehead) boldly press so far,  
As farther none? How apt is Lenity  
To be abused? Severity to be loathed?  
And yet, how much more doth the seeming Face  
Of neighbour Virtues, and their borrowed Names,  
Add of lewd Boldness to loose Vanities?  
Who would have thought that Philautia durst,  
Or have usurped noble Storge's name?  
Or with that theft have ventured on our eyes?  
Who would have thought that all of them should hope,  
So much of our connivence, as to come  
To grace themselves, with Titles not their own?  
Instead of Medicines have we Maladies?  
And such Impostumes, as Phantaste is,  
Grow in our Palace? we must launce these sores,  
Or all will putrefy: Nor are these all,  
For we suspect a farther fraud than this;  
Take off our vail, that shadows may depart,  
And shapes appear, beloved Arete. So.  
Another Face of things presents itself  
Then did of late: what? Feathered Cupid masqued?  
And masqued like to Anteros? but, more strange!  
Dear Mercury our Brother, like a Page,  
To countenance the ambush of the Boy?  
Nor endeth our discovery as yet;  
Gelaia like a Nymph, that but ere while  
(In male attire,) did serve Anaides?  
Cupid came hither to find sport and Game,  
Who, heretofore hath been too conversant  
Among our train; but never felt Revenge:  
And Mercury bore Cupid company:  
Cupid, we must confess this Time of mirth  
(Proclaimed by us) gave Opportunity,  
To thy attempts, although no Privilege;  
Tempt us no farther, we cannot endure  
Thy presence longer: Vanish, Hence, Away.  Exit Cupid. 
You Mercury, we must entreat to stay,  
And hear what we determine of the rest;  
For in this Plot, you have the deepest hand:  
But (for we mean not a Censorian task  
And yet to launce these ulcers grown so ripe)  
Dear Arete, and Criticus, to you  
We give the charge; Impose what pains you please:  
Th'incurable cut of, the rest reform;  
Remembering ever what we first decreed,  
Since Revels were proclaimed, Let now none bleed.  Arete. 
How well Diana can distinguish Times?  
And sort her Censures? keeping to herself  
The doom of Gods, leaving the rest to us?  
Come, cite them Criticus and then proceed.  Crit. 
First Philautia (for she was the first)  
Then light Gelaia, in aglaia's name,  
Thirdly Phantaste, and Moria next,  
Main follies all, and of the Female crew;  
Amorphus, or Eucosmos counterfeit,  
Voluptuous Hedon ta'en for Eupathes,  
Brazen Anaides, and Asotus last,  
With his too Pages Morus, and Prosaites;  
And thou the travailers Evil, Cos, approach,  
Impostors all, and male Deformities.  Arete. 
Nay forward, for I delegate my power,  
And will, that at thy mercy they do stand  
Whom they so oft, so plainly scorned before:  
" 'tis virtue which they want, and wanting it,  
" Honour no garment to their backs can fit.  
Now Criticus, use your Discretion.  Crit. 
Adored Cynthia, and bright Arete;  
Another might seem fitter for this task  
Then Criticus, but that you judge not so:  
For I (not to appear vindicative,  
Or mindful of Contempts, which I contemned  
As done of Impotence) must be remiss;  
Who as I was the Author in some sort,  
To work their knowledge into Cynthia's sight,  
So should be much severer to revenge  
The indignity, hence issuing to her Name:  
But there's not one of these, who are unpaind,  
Or by themselves unpunished; for Vice  
Is like a fury to the vicious mind,  
And turns Delight itself to Punishment.  
But we must forward to define their Doom;  
You are Offenders, that must be confessed.  
Do you confess it?  Omnes. 
We do.  Crit. 
And that you merit sharp Correction?  Omnes. 
We do.  Crit. 
Then we (reserving unto delia's grace,  
Her farther pleasure, and to Arete  
What Delia granteth) thus do sentence you.  
That from this place (for Penance known of all,  
Since you have drunk so deeply of Self-love)  
You (two and two) singing a Palinode,  
March to your several homes by Niobe's stone,  
And offer up two tears a piece thereon;  
That it may change the name, as you must change,  
And of a stone be called Weeping Cross:  
Because it standeth cross of Cynthia's way,  
One of whose names is sacred TRIVIA.  
And after penance thus performed, you pass  
In like set order; not as Midas did  
To wash his Gold off into Tagus' stream;  
But to the Well of Knowledge, Helicon,  
Where, purged of your present Maladies,  
(Which are nor few, nor slender) you become  
Such as you fain would seem; and then return  
Offering your service to great Cynthia.  
This is your Sentence, if the Goddess please  
To ratify it with her high Consent:  
" The scope of wise Mirth unto fruit is bend.  Cyn. 
We do approve thy Censure Criticus,  
Which Mercury, thy true propitious friend,  
(A Deity, next jove, beloved of us,)  
Will undertake to see exactly done.  
And for this service of Discovery  
Performed by thee, in honour of our name,  
We vow to guerdon it with such due grace,  
As shall become our Bounty, and thy Place.  
" Princes that would their People should do well,  
" Must at themselves begin, as at the heads;  
" For men by their example pattern out  
" Their Imitations, and regard of Laws:  
" A virtuous Court, a world to virtue draws.  Exeunt, Cynthia, Arete, etc. 

Palinodia.  Amo. 
From Spanish shrugs, French faces, Smirks, Irps, and all affected Humours.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Phan. 
From secret friends, sweet Servants, Loves, Doves, and such Fantastic Humours.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Amor. 
From stabbing of Arms, Flap-dragons, Healths, Whiffs, and all such swaggering Humours.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Phan. 
From waving of Fans, coy Glances, Glicks, Cringes, and all such simpering Humours.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Amo. 
From making love by Attorney, courting of Puppets, and paying for new acquaintance.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Phan. 
From perfumed Dogs, Monkeys, Sparrows, Dildoes, and Parachitoes.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Amo. 
From wearing Bracelets of Hair, Shoe-ties, Gloves, Garters, and Rings with Poesies.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Phan. 
From Pargeting, Painting, Slieking, Glazing, and Renewing old riveled Faces.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Amo. 
From Squiring to Tilt-yards, Playhouses, Pageants, and all such Public places.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Phan. 
From entertaining one Gallant to gull another, and making Fools of either.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.  Amo. 
From Belying Ladies favours, noblemen's countenance, coining counterfeit Employments, vainglorious taking to them other men's Services, and all self-loving Humours.  Chorus. 
Good Mercury defend us.   

CANT.  
NOw each one dry his weeping Eyes,  
and to the Well of Knowledge hast;  
Where purged of your Maladies,  
we may of sweeter waters taste:  
And with refined voice report,  
The Grace of Cynthia, and her Court.   
Finis Actus quinti & ultimi.    

Epilogus.  
GEntles, be't known to you, since I went in  
I am turned Rhymer; and do thus begin:  
The Author (jealous, how your sense doth take  
His travails) hath enjoined me to make  
Some short, and Ceremonious Epilogue;  
But if I yet know what, I am a Rogue:  
He ties me to such Laws, as quite distract  
My thoughts; and would a Year of time exact.  
I neither must be Faint, Remiss, nor Sorry,  
Sower, Serious, Confident, nor Peremptory:  
But betwixt these. Let's see? to lay the blame  
Upon the children's Action, that were lame.  
To crave your Favours with a begging knee,  
Were to distrust the Writers faculty;  
To promise better at the next we bring,  
Prorogues disgrace, commends not any thing.  
Stiffly to stand on this, and proudly approve  
The Play, might tax the Maker of Self-love.  
I'll only speak, what I have heard him say;  
By God 'tis good, and if you liked, you may,  
FINIS.  
Ecce rubet quidam, pallet, stupet, oscitat, odit.  
Hoc volo: nunc nobis carmina nostra placent.