HALLELUJAH: Praise ye the Lord, FOR THE UNBURDENING of a loaden Conscience: By his grace in jesus Christ vouchsafed unto the worst sinner of all the whole world.  
I Come, and hear all ye that fear God, and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul.  
O magnify his Name with me, and let us exalt his Name together.  
Printed by CANTRELL LEG, Printer to the University of Cambridge. 1618. And are to be sold by MATTHEW LAW in Paul's Churchyard at the sign of the Fox.   

THE DEDICATION. ❧ To the right high and mighty Prince, and most valiant Conqueror, JESUS CHRIST, God and man crucified: My most gracious good Lord, Saviour, and Master.  
THou art gone up on high, thou hast lead captivity captive, thou hast received gifts for men; yea for the rebellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them.  
I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart, and will glorify thy name for evermore.  
For great is thy mercy towards me, and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.  
Let the speaking of my mouth, the writing of mine hand, and the thinking of mine heart, be pleasing in thy sight, O Lord my strength, and my Redeemer.  
Amen. Amen.   

❧ To those learned men which in Cambridge have authority to judge of books before they be there imprinted.  
Reverend Masters, my duty premised, I humbly pray you to give way unto the glorifying of the grace of God in jesus Christ, as you will answer unto his glorious majesty, when he shall call you to give account of that your office. Thus, beseeching God to bless you, and that noble Nursery of Christianity, with all abundance of knowledge, and holiness, I rest  
At your correction in the Lord jesus, RICHARD KILBY.   

THE VNBVRTHEning of a loaden Conscience.  
Whosoever you are that shall purpose to read or hear any part of this book, I beseech you that of your charity, you will grant unto me these two requests:  
First, to believe that I in making, and putting forth this book, intended the glory of my Saviour, the good of Christened people, and the hurt of no creature.  
Secondly, to show such favour, compassion, and patience, towards me, as you yourself towards yourself expect from the Lord jesus.  
Now I begin.  
IT pleased the good Lord God to unburden my conscience by repentance, and belief in jesus Christ; whereunto with very much ado I was brought by the knowledge of God's word, and the consideration of mine own very miserable, and most dangerous state.  
Among those parts of the holy Bible, which God made me in some measure to understand, I had special use of his ten Commandments, and therewith also of the first verse of the 20. chap. of Exodus, as here it followeth.  

Exo. 20.1.  And, etc. This first word hath respect unto some things mentioned in the chapter next before, specially the Lords coming down from heaven unto the top of mount Sinai in fire, and the coming of the Israelites out of their camp, being brought forth by Moses, to meet with God. Touching the coming forth of the people, I find that they were first prepared by cleansing themselves, and washing their clothes; secondly, limited, that they should not come too near unto the hill: thirdly, presented and set before the face of God by Moses.  
Hereby I learn, that whensoever I am to read or hear God's word, to pray, or to sing unto him, I must first prepare myself, by putting away all evil thoughts, and naughty affections; secondly, I must be very humble, avoiding all presumption; thirdly, I must present myself before the majesty of God, in the name of jesus Christ, even as if he took me by the hand, and brought me into the presence of his Father, The neglecting of these three necessary points, I know by mine own experience, is very dangerous: for the doing of holy services with an unreverent heart, is a ready way to make a party most uncapable of God's grace; because the custom of abusing the means of salvation, doth not only provoke the Lord unto great indignation, but also hardeneth the heart, and bringeth it to that pass, that without some extraordinary means, it cannot be effectually wrought upon.  
And God, etc.] God is the first beginning, as of all good, so specially of religion: therefore he that will be religious, must first and foremost, steadfastly believe that there is a God, Heb. 11.6.  
And God spoke, etc.] The second ground, or beginning of religion, is the word, and speech of God, which holy men by his direction, and appointment, did write in the books of the old and new Testament.  
It is a special favour of God to make his word known unto any man, woman, or child; because the property of it is to make us wise, and holy, fit for everlasting bliss in heaven. 2. Tim. 3.15.16.  
Whereas our Saviour Christ made his Apostles Ministers of his word, and gave them commission to ordain others, and those also to ordain others from time to time, until the world's end, is a question how the Ministers of the now publicly allowed Church of England, can prove their calling from Christ by the Apostles, etc. seeing that the now church of Rome, is between them and the Apostles time? I will briefly declare my settled belief in this point by way of comparison.  
A certain noble man did by his will appoint, that a great part of his goods should be employed to such, and such good uses, so and so, until the world's end: for the performance of this, he did choose certain feoffers of trust, giving order that they should choose others, and those others from age to age. The first feoffers had in their time, very much ado to keep the noble man's will from being wronged. Many hundred years after that, it came to pass that some being orderly chosen feoffers, were fully persuaded that in many things the will was wronged. Hereupon, they claimed reformation, but others resisted them, yea, and pursued them to the death, killing diverse of them. Those which escaped the hands of their adversaries, continued their claim of reformation, and made choice of others to succeed them in their office.  
These be the ministers of the Church of England. If an honest man were asked what is in this case to be done? he would say, the written will is to be stood upon, and to be made known.  
The Bible is that will; which the Roman feoffers have no mind to make known, nor can endure the publishing thereof in vulgar languages, that all people might hear it read in their Churches: alleging this reason, that as they judge, if common people had God's word in their own tongue, they would rather take hurt, then good by it. To my silly understanding, this is a very strange reason: Of all other books is God's book so dangerous? Then why did the Lord give his word, the old Testament, unto his beloved nation the Israelites, in their own tongue? yea, and lay such charge upon them to read it, and to hear it? What was the reason that when a woman said unto Christ, 
Luk. 11.27.  Blessed is the womb that bore thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked: I say, what was the reason that our Lord made her this answer; 
28.  Yea rather blessed are they that hear the word of God and keep it? I say again, why did he say so, if it be better for people not to hear, then to hear God's word?  
By the way, be it remembered, that the Son of God saith, It is a blessedness to hear God's word, and the Pope who taketh upon him to be the deputy of the son of God, he saith, it is not a blessedness, he forbiddeth it. If any understanding conscionable Roman catholic, were between God, and his own soul, to tell what he thinketh to be the main cause, why the Pope doth not allow God's word to be commonly bought and sold in Italy, Spain, etc. and so to be read in churches: my conscience giveth me, that he would say thus; It is very likely, that thereby many would be drawn from his obedience, and many things which are now in great request among the people, should then be despised. As surely as the Lord God liveth, I take this to be the main cause. A great number of things in that religion could by no means stand, if the book of God were commonly to be had in the people's own language: Therefore they are not suffered to hear God speak.  
I appeal to the conscience of every man, whether it be likely that those things which are of God, shall be put out of request by the word of God? It is not likely, it is quite contrary.  
I do most humbly entreat all English men and women, I entreat them in the sight of our Lord jesus Christ, that they will forbear to believe the Roman religion, until it have God's word, and church-service read, and said in people's own languages. When you come to public service, call it mass, or what you will, are you not of the company that there ought to join in prayer unto God? why then is not your prayer in your own tongue? why is it in Latin? Let any man answer, as I ask the question in the fear of God: what reason is there that people should pray, or join with any, praying in a language which they understand not? Is it not much to be feared, that Satan the Prince of darkness hath a strong hand in this, to keep poor people in blindness, and ignorance?  
I have upon my conscience, and in charity, without any thought of personal reproach unto any one, made bold to say thus much. If any in zeal of that religion have a mind to say so much, yea ten times so much to me, let him speak in the fear of God, and in charity, and spare not. Or if he list to fly upon me with words of choler, I will join with him, to say much more against myself than he can; and yet leave him to judge himself without me.  
When I am minded to read any part of God's book, I must kneel down before the face of God, and pray thus;  
O most gracious and merciful Lord God, thou hast of thy great goodness vouchsafed to give unto me thine holy Bible, which is able to make me wise unto salvation: I do humbly thank thee for it, and hearty I beseech thy blessed Majesty to give me the grace that I may fervently read it, rightly understand it, and diligenty mark it, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour. Amen.  
Besides the means and helps to understand the Scriptures, as the proportion of Religion contained in the creed, and commandments, the circumstances of each several place, and the comparing of one place with other places, reading of expositions, and hearing other men's judgements; our Saviour giveth a very notable direction for the attainment of special aid from the spirit of God, and it is a ready way for a man to come to the knowledge of the truth touching any necessary point in controversy. And this it is, To the jews doubting whether Christ's doctrine were of God, yea or no: he said, If any man will do the will of God, he shall know of the doctrine whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself, joh. 7.17. The conscionable practice of those duties which are very plainly set down in God's word will, in, and through jesus Christ, be a means to procure unto us a gracious, and comfortable enlightening of our minds, to understand the mind, and meaning of God in his word daily more & more: for the secret of the Lord is with them that fear him, and he will show them his covenant, Psal. 25.14. If I come to a place of Scripture hard to be understood, I will mark it, and so stay myself, in hope of grace from God at his good pleasure.  
Reading any part of Scripture very leisurely, and heedfully, I must endeavour to take special knowledge of some principal notable points, and then commend them unto the blessing of God, thus.  
O most mighty, and merciful Lord God, I do most humbly, and hearty thank thee, for that thou hast made me in reading this part of thy Bible, to understand, and mark this & this, etc. I beseech thee, that if I have mistaken any thing, I may have grace to see mine error, and to leave it: I beseech thee that those things which I have rightly understood, I may well remember, and as need shall require, profitably use, to thy good pleasure, and glory in benefiting myself and others, through jesus Christ thy only Son, my Lord and Saviour; To whom with thee O Father, and with the holy Ghost, three persons, and one only good Lord God be all praise, honour, and glory, for evermore. Amen.  
Thus much of God's word.  
And God spoke all these words, saying.] He that made one commandment, made all the rest; therefore I must not presume to break any one of them, but, if I will not be confounded, I must uprightly intend, and carefully endeavour to be obedient unto all the commandments of God, Psal. 119.6.  
Exod. 20.2. I am the Lord, etc.] This word Lord, in the jews language is called jehovah, and signifieth such a one as is of himself, and giveth being unto all things else, specially unto his own promises, which he most faithfully, and powerfully performeth in due time.  
This wonderful Lord is thoroughly known of none but himself; yet under his gracious correction, I do thus conceive of him: The Lord jehovah is a spirit, single, durable, unmeasurable, mighty, wise, holy, blessed, and glorious.  
God is a spirit, joh. 4.24. A spirit hath not flesh and bones, Luk. 24.39. Then how is man said to he like unto God? In the nature, and properties of the soul. Why doth the Bible sometimes speak of God, as if he had eyes, ears, hands? etc. It speaketh according to our capacity, because God would have us to be plainly and fully persuaded, that he hath sight, hearing, knowledge, power, etc.  
God is a single spirit, far excelling the singleness of any Angel: for an Angel, as also the soul of man or woman, hath three wants of perfect singleness. First, in every angel there is a being, for it is a certain several thing. There is also in the same angel a possibility to be changed into some other thing, yea into nothing: because the angel is under God, and God can do unto it whatsoever he will. But there is no possibility of change in God; because he is under none.  
Secondly, every angel is that which it is in several, and thereby he differeth and is known from all other angels: And yet the same kind of nature whereby he is that which he is, is also in other angels. But the nature of God, whereby he is that which he is, is wholly, and only in himself, and therefore it is altogether one, and the same with that which he is.  
Thirdly, in an Angel unto his spiritual nature, diverse things are added and joined, which may also be taken or put away, as wisdom, holiness; power, etc. But all perfections are in God, as in the fountain, and though they seem diverse unto us, yea. some appear to be quite contrary one to the other, as most severe justice, and most pitiful mercy, yet all these things in God are but only one thing, and that is his most single nature, essence, and being.  
The truth of this, we may in some sort perceive by the shining sun: for it appeareth unto our eyes, to be a very single, pure thing; all that we can see in it, is nothing else but light, most exceeding pure, clear, and piercing light: yet many sundry virtues are in this light: It shineth, it heateth, it quickeneth man, beast, foul, fish, fruit; yea it seemeth to work contraries, as softening wax, hardening clay. These, and many other things, worketh the single light of the shining sun. Much more excellent is the God that made the Sun. In his most single nature is all virtue, ability, and efficacy. His name be blessed, Amen.  
God is a durable spirit: not only without ending; for so hath he made Angels, and souls, yea and so he will make the bodies of men, women, and children, to be after the resurrection; but also the Lord God is without beginning. Therefore David saith unto him; Psalm. 19.2. From everlasting to everlasting thou art God.  
God is unmeasurable, that is, of such an exceeding infiniteness that he filleth, yea, & surpasseth the whole compass of heaven and earth, jer. 23.24. 2. King. 8.27. Yet not so, that one part of him is one where, and an other else where; but God is wholly in all the whole world, and wholly in every part and place of the world.  
Then why is it said, that God is in heaven? And why are we willed to lift up our hearts towards heaven, when we pray unto him? Because his pleasure is to manifest himself in glory chiefly in heaven, and from heaven. Why doth the Bible say, that God is with good folk, and not with bad? Because he doth graciously acquaint himself with those that serve him; but he will not be known that he is in the company of naughty people, because he hateth their behaviour. Yet he is where they are, & heedfully marketh all that they think, say, or do; purposing to call them to an account, and to give judgement upon them, according to the practice of their lives.  
God is mighty, most mighty, almighty. He is well able to do any work of power, either by himself without means, as he made the world; or by means, as he drowned the world with water. Sometime his pleasure is to work by means, but above the nature, & power of the means: as when he cleansed a man from the leprosy by the water of the river jordan. 
2. Kin. 5.14.  Sometime he stoppeth the power of the means, as when three of his servants were by a tyrant cast into a most hot burning fiery furnace; for he took such order, that the extreme burning heat had no power upon them though it mischeived those which put them into the furnace, Dan. 3  
God can work in what measure of power he will. The least measure of his power, is stronger than all the power of man: 1. Cor. 1.25. He is able to make the least bit of bread, to give so much nourishment as a whole loaf. It pleaseth him sometime to work more by one man then by another; yea more by some one then by many other: 1. Cor. 15.10. The power of God is endless, limited only by his own will: for whatsoever his pleasure is to do, that he doth, Psal. 135.6. This the poor leprous man believed, when he said unto the son of God, Matth. 8.2. Lord, if thou wilt thou canst make me clean: whereunto he graciously answered, saying, I will, be thou clean: and presently the Lord touching him with his hand the foul disease was clean gone.  
God is wise: he only is wise, Rom. 16.27. The wisdom of Angels and men is his gift. It is he that giveth wisdom to the wise, and knowledge unto them that know understanding, Dan. 2.21. There is no number of his understanding, it is endless, Psal. 147.5. From the beginning of the world he foreknew all things which should come to pass, even until the end, etc. Act. 15.18. He knew what was the very best way to be taken in making, continuing, altering, doing, or suffering any thing, Psal. 104.24. Though he may do what he will, because he is the most high Sovereign Lord of all things, yet he doth nothing, he suffereth nothing, without most excellent good reason: and yet I must not thereupon presume to sin; for as he hath reason to suffer a man to sin, so he hath reason moving him to punish the party that sinneth; yea, such reason, that S. Peter saith, the righteous be scarcely saved, 1. Pet. 4.18. God will beat sin out of them before they die.  
God is holy, most holy, altogether holy, pure, clean, and free from any stain of evil: He cannot be tempted with evil, jam. 13. Then how came it to pass that so many angels sinned, and turned to be devils? Also how came man to be a sinner? God made the Angels, and the first man, and woman, very holy, and well able to have kept themselves so, if they would. Yea, but why did he suffer them to sin, seeing that sin is most contrary unto his holy nature? Because he thereupon took occasion to show his dreadful justice in punishing some, and the most wonderful joining of mercy and justice in saving others.  
The justice of God requireth that every Angel, man, woman, and child be tried and judged by that which is in them, whether it be righteousness or sin; 
Rom. 2.11.  the righteous to be saved, and the sinner damned. So he condemned all the sinning Angels; and so he will condemn a great many of Adam's children. He might have cast them all away, because they are a guilty corrupted brood, not only children of a traitor, but also traitorously inclined.  
The joining of God's mercy and justice together, is thus; First, it pleased him to be merciful unto such, and such, Exod. 33.19. Secondly, he appointed, that they unto whom he purposed to show mercy, should be joined by the holy Ghost unto his only Son, who for that purpose was at such a time to take unto him a body, and a soul, and so being both God and man, after a most holy and guiltless life, to suffer a cruel death, to purchase for them the forgiveness of sins, and cleansement from their wicked inclination, Tit. 2.14.  
God is blessed, fully blessed, exceedingly blessed. He that is fully blessed, hath freedom from all manner of things which may give him any discontent: and not only so, but also wanteth nothing that may content or delight him. Such is the blessedness of Gods chosen servants, not in this world, but in heaven: for the Bible saith, they are blessed which die in the faith, and favour of the Lord, that so they may rest from their labours, and their works follow them, Reu. 14.13. Their resting from labours, is their freedom from all causes of discontent; Their works following them, is the crown of everlasting contentment, given unto them in regard of their works, and far surpassing all possible merit in them. This blessedness God giveth unto his Saints. The blessedness which he hath in himself differeth from this, not only as the cause from the effect, but also in two other special points. First, God hath his bliss of himself, and therefore it is said of him, that he only hath immortality, that is, absolute, and necessary freedom from death, 1. Tim. 6.16. Also of him it is said, that he hath the well of life, Psal. 36.9. that is to say, he is the very first cause of life, and of all perfection. Secondly, the blessedness of God is beyond all measure, most exceedingly exceeding: for as his understanding is infinite, that is, endless, so are all his perfections.  
If God be most exceedingly blessed, why do we oftentimes say, Blessed be God, as though we wished blessedness unto him? We do praise and magnify his blessedness in mind, and in word, by acknowledging and publishing the same; yea and the party that hearty loveth God, is so full of good will towards him, that he cannot but wish, that if it were possible, God might be a thousand thousand times more happy and blessed then he is. And such is the most honourable, and gracious kindness of God, that he taketh this wish in very good part: So the great men of this world accept the good will of their poor friends.  
God is glorious. Glory is properly the goodly show, seeming, sight, or appearance of any thing. It also many times signifieth the famous report of some notable goodness: In both these meanings, glory is a title most proper unto God. Touching goodly show, the glory of God appeareth two ways, in himself, and in his works. In God himself there is such a shining excellent majesty, that the very angels are not able to endure the full appearance thereof; as we may perceive by the vision of the Prophet Esay, who did see certain very glorious angels before the face of God covering their faces, Esa. 6.2.  
In all, and every of God's works, appeareth a show of some one or more of his excellent properties, as of wisdom, power, justice, mercy, etc. Esa. 6.3. The whole earth is full of his glory. Therefore S. Paul saith, the very heathen people knew God by his works, because his eternal power, and divine properties do in his works by the creation of the world, evidently appear, Rom. 1. ver. 20.  
He whose port is truly glorious, is worthy of a glorious report; and that principally is our Lord God, of whose most stately port, and royal behaviour there is a notable report, Psal. 104.1. Bless thee Lord, O my soul: O Lord my God, thou art very great, thou art clothed with honour, and majesty, etc.  
God appearing in his works so gloriously, our duty is to take knowledge of his glory, and to do what we can to make the same known unto others. One great cause of undevotion, and coldness in religion, is the not considering of God's works, specially that most admirable work of redemption, manifested in the Gospel: Psal. 107.43. Whosoever is wise, and will mark these things, even they shall understand the loving kindness of the Lord. 2. Cor. 3.18. But we all with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same likeness, from glory to glory, even as by the spirit of the Lord. 2. Cor. 4.6. For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of jesus Christ.  
How shall we make the glory of God known unto others? Two ways: First, by the holiness of our life, that so others may see the glorious working of God's grace in us, Matth. 5.16. Secondly, by the due praising of God, that others may hear the report of his glorious acts and doings: Psas. 145.12. To make known unto the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom.  
It is a question, whether such professed Christians, and specially Church-ministers, as have by open profaneness, or any unholy behaviour, blemished the glory of God, be not bound to make open confession, that so, what in them is, they may salve, and remedy the wide wounds which they have given unto the doctrine, and religion of God and Christ? My judgement in this point, shall (I trust in God) appear by my practice, both in this book, and also in the residue of my life. In the mean time this I profess, my poor soul doth vehemently desire to give glory unto God, in the revengeful abasing of myself, for the grievous displeasure, & great dishonour which I have all my life long caused, and done unto his most holy majesty.  
Thus much of the name jehovah, the Lord.  
Thy God, etc.] The language wherein God spoke these words, readeth thus, thy Gods, as speaking of more than one. This, whatsoever the poor jews say to the contrary, showeth, that in God there are more persons than one: which persons how many, and who they are, the good Lord jesus being one of them, doth plainly show, in saying unto his disciples, Matth. 28.19.— teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy Ghost.  
The first person is the Father, who begetteth the Son, O most marvelous begetting! the Son is as old as the Father: the Son hath the very self-same nature, and substance with his Father; yea, 
joh. 14.10.  he is within his Father, and his Father is within him.  
The second person in the godhead, is the Son, who is begotten of the Father, as a word is begotten of a man's mind, and therefore he is sometime called the Word; as also because he maketh the Father, and the Fathers will known unto men, and is that party concerning whom the Father gave his word that he would send him into the world to save sinners.  
The third person in the godhead, is the holy Ghost, who proceedeth from the Father, and from the Son, and therefore is the Spirit of them both, and he is in either of them both: also both the Father, and the Son are in him. He is called the Spirit, not so much to signify his nature, as to show his proceeding; because he is spired that is, as it were breathed from the Father, and from the Son. He is called holy, not only because of the holiness of his nature, which is all one with the Father, and with the Son; but because he doth sanctify, that is, maketh holy all those which shall be saved, Rom. 1.4.  
All and every outward work of God cometh from the Father, through the Son, and by the holy Ghost. The Father beginneth every work of himself, working in, and through the Son, also in, and by the holy Ghost. Therefore the making and beginning of heaven and earth, is entitled unto him.  
The Son worketh in, and from the Father, in and by the holy Ghost, Therefore the redemption and Saviourship goeth in his name: because he took unto him a body, and a soul, and so being both God & man, purchased our salvation, and saveth us, in, and from his Father, in and by the holy Ghost; joh. 4.19. The Son can do nothing of himself. Mat. 12.28. But if I cast out devils by the spirit of God, etc.  
The holy Ghost worketh in, and from the Father, in and from the Son, and so by himself finisheth every work of God; specially the sanctifying, and cleansing of them which shall be saved: and therefore he is called the sanctifier, or the cleanser.  
Thus much of the three persons in one God.  
Now whereas the Lord saith, [I am thy God] the meaning is, I save thee from all evil, and bring thee to everlasting bliss, Gen. 15.1. But what proof have I that the Lord is my God? He further saith, Which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.  
These words were indeed first spoken, & written unto the children of Israel, whom God delivered out of the slavish bondage, and great misery, which they had long endured under King Pharaoh in Egypt. Now I ought to take the same words as spoken of God unto me: for as God made the Isralites to pass through the red sea, and therein drowned the Egyptians; so he caused me to be baptised, and sprinkled with water in his name, even in the name of the Father, and of the Son, & of the holy Ghost: & so by an holy sacramental signification, made me pass through the red sea of Christ's blood, wherein all the enemies of my salvation are (as if they were drowned) so disabled, that unless I foolishly yield unto them, they cannot prevail against me, Rom. 6.3. Neither did God only give unto me that outward sign, and seal of salvation, but also when I was able to understand, caused me to hear, yea and to read, yea, and in some good measure, to perceive the gospel of his grace, wherein he proffered unto me his gracious love, and therewithal such a portion of his heavenvly blessings in jesus Christ, as should make me to be lovely and pleasing in his sight.  
But upon what condition did God proffer this grace unto me? Upon this condition, Exod. 20.3. Thou shalt have none other God before my face.  
These words being considered together with the verse next before, do contain a double condition. First, that I shall take the Lord to be my God. Secondly, that I shall have none other to be my God beside him.  
How should I take the Lord to be my God? By performing these four duties:  
First, to be continually mindful that I am before his face, Gen. 17.1.  
Secondly, to esteem his favour to be my only felicity, and therefore above all things to love him, and desire to enjoy his favourable kindness, Luk. 14.26.  
Thirdly, to be always very fearful of displeasing him, Prou. 28.14.  
Fourthly, to settle all my trust, and confidence in him, jer. 17.5.6.7.  
How have I performed these duties?  
First, I have not been mindful of God's presence: for both being alone, and in company, my mind hath been so far from that duty, as if there had been in my belief, no God at all.  
Secondly, I have all my life long more esteemed, loved, and desired worldly pleasures and profits, yea vain toys and trifles, than the favour of God. I have a far off thought upon God, as of a thing at the furthermost end of all the world, and therefore mine affection was always wedded unto things which seemed to be nearer unto me; though indeed nothing can be so near unto me as he is: for in him I live, and move, and have my being.  
Thirdly, I had now and then, some small fear of God; but it suddenly vanished away, and therefore I plunged myself into a sea of sin, not making conscience of one thought, word, or deed among a thousand.  
Fourthly, I had no right trust in God: for that can not be without the fear of God. I oftentimes used unwarrantable means to help myself: And so do none that rightly trust in God.  
This hath been the inside of my life, not only before, but also ever since I entered into the ministery. And withal mine heart, I wish that I had no fellows; for I am afraid that I have very many. If such there be, I humbly entreat them to take true knowledge in how dangerous a state they are. I trust that God hath pardoned my parents and bringers up. The ground of all my misery, next after the evil inclination which I brought with me into this world, was the evil seasoning of mine heart in my tender years. Being a little boy, I was trained to delight in a dog, & a cat; therefore I remember the dogs name yet, and have loved dogs, and cats ever since. Those, and other vain things I was enured to love, when mine heart should have been taken up, and filled with the love of God. I was feared with buggbeares, and spirits, when I should have been framed to fear God. Also I was accustomed to take a pride in this, and that, to be angry and revengeful against some one thing or other, to mock, scorn, miscall, and speak naughty words unto such, or such an one. Thus commonly, for aught that I know, are the hearts of children seasoned, and thus their souls are died in the black colour of hell. Being inwardly thus behaved, I was a little taught outward religion. That is, to say the Lords Prayer, and the Creed by rote, to go to Church upon Sabbath days, and hear service, yea & after that I could read, to answer the Minister in the saying of Psalms, etc. Having done thus, what? heard service, yea helped to say service, said the Lords Prayer and the Creed, and so forth? Oh! I thought I had done enough, and enough, my heart being far from God, and not once assaying to come near unto him. Here I would ask a question of the common sort of people, young and old, I would ask you for no harm. Is not this your religion? I mean, to say your prayers, to hear service, (I will not put in, to say service) without any special stirring of your heart; not actually minding that you are in talk with God, nor so affected as they who perceive themselves to be so near unto, even before the face of that Almighty King, who is terrible unto the Kings of the earth: they are his servitors? I take that blessed God to witness against my soul, if I speak uncharitably or idly; I am persuaded that I have good reason to fear that a great many of you have little religion in your hearts, but content yourselves with saying and hearing, and some outward ceremonies. Then I can tell you what religion is the fittest for you. Even that which you call the old religion: for that will so furnish you with outward works, and ceremonies, that you shall not dream of meddling with your heart. You see the devoutest of them can swallow down into their souls, lying, forswearing, murder, and treason. They make no bones of such matters. And why? Because the ceremonie-law of Rome serveth their turn. I speak upon my conscience for the glory of my Lord God, and for the good of my country.  
It pleased God, that specially by the means of M. William Olney of Tachbrooke near Warwick, who took me from my poor parents, I was in some sort continued at school. About fourteen or fifteen years of age, I fell into acquaintance with diverse that favoured the Pope's religion, among whom one lent me a book thus entitled, A defence of the censure given upon two books of William Charke, and Meredith Hanmer ministers, which they wrote against M. Edmund Campian priest of the society of jesus, and against his offer of disputation. This little book being one of the most dangerous books that ever I read (for they be little ones that either do good or harm unto the greatest number of people) did thoroughly distaste me with the Protestant-religion, before religion was in mine heart. A principal case of my distaste, was the many evil reports, which with great pretence of truth, it signifieth touching the lives of Luther, Caluin, and Beza, bringing in this reason withal, that the authors and beginners of an extraordinary reformation in the Church of God, should at the least be ordinary, honest men in life and conversation; which those men were not, if that book be true. Here I humbly entreat all people to take knowledge of two things, which I have found true by experience.  
First, it is not safe for a man to betake himself to this or that side in controversy of religion, until his heart and life be settled in some uprightness of obedience unto God. Can a man judge of colours before he be borne? No. Then how can a man rightly discern the truth in questions touching the mystery or secret of godliness, he not being renewed by the spirit of God? Although he have great learning, or depend upon the judgement of great learned men, yet Satan the devil will have an hand in him, because they which do not conscionably obey God, are subject to be wrought upon by him, Eph. 2.2.  
The second thing that I would desire you to take knowledge of, is this: When a man is well assured, that he is entered into a conscionable course of obeying the commandments of God, which is the practice of repentance, to settle his judgement touching this or that controversy in religion: he must not be lead by the sermons, or books, or lives of men, but principally he must apply himself unto the grounds of his faith: which are two, God, and God's word.  
How shall he apply himself unto God? By very often, humble, and earnest prayer, that he will vouchsafe for jesus Christ's sake to give him the spirit of revelation, the enlightening of mind to perceive the holy truth. S. Paul telleth us plainly, that the secrets of God cannot be rightly known, but by the spirit of God, 1. Cor. 2.10.11. And our Lord jesus hath given us this assurance that if we do earnestly pray unto God for the holy Ghost, he will give him unto us, Luk. 11.5, 6, 7, 8, etc.  
How shall a man apply himself to the word of God? In following the example of the jews that dwelled at Berea, who when S. Paul preached unto them, received the word with all readiness. But how? They searched the Scriptures daily, whether those things which S. Paul delivered unto them were so as he said, yea or no? Act. 17.11. And for your encouragement, see what followed, Act. 16.12. Therefore many of them believed.  
If any say, he cannot understand the word of God: I answer, he may be sorry, and ashamed to say so: for to what end hath God given his word, but to be understood, even of very simple folk? for of all the books in the world, there is none that hath more plainness in it then the book of God hath. Many fine scholars have no mind to read God's word, because it is so plain. It is certainly one of the main drifts of Satan the devil, to make people believe that God's word is hard to be understood; because he would not have them to understand it; for he knoweth that nothing in all the world is so great an hindrance unto him, as God's word being understood.  
Now I will go forward in my confession. I went first to Oxford, and then to Cambridge: At Oxford I was in Gloster Hall about four years first and last: at Cambridge I was in Emanuel College not so long; but to that College I am singularly bound. Afterward I took upon me to be a schoolmaster, and then entered into the ministery in the year of our Lord, one thousand, five hundred, ninety and six. The next year after, upon the commendation of diverse reverend Ministers in Kent, namely, my fatherly friend Doctor Milborne of Sevenoke, M. Bust of Penshurst, M. Deiose of Chiddingstone, M. Smith of Chelfield, I obtained of Archbishop Whitegift a general licence to preach. I have been a minister eighteen years, and so much more as since the sixteenth day of May last; for as upon that day Doctor Young Bishop of Rochester gave me orders at Bromeley in Kent. All this while until this very year, one thousand, six hundred, and fourteen, my heart continued in that inward behaviour, wherewith it was first possessed in my childhood.  
Now let me go back again, and make report how the Father of mercy hath striven with me from my youth, yea and now in good and comfortable measure, blessed be his name, vanquished the settled wickedness of mine heart. Ever since I had any understanding of God's will, something hath been working upon my mind, persuading me very earnestly to forsake sin, and wholly to submit myself unto God: which from time to time I undertook to do; but was always hindered, both by the settledness of mine own wicked disposition, and also by the common course of this world, which so far as I know, will very hardly suffer a man to keep company with God. I appeal unto their judgement, that be in awe of God, and make conscience how they behave themselves in his sight. Yet it pleased the Lord first by little and little to 'stablish my wavering judgement, and then to let me run myself into many outward dangers, and diverse bodily diseases, that so at last I might be broken from sin.  
In Queen Elizabeth's time I was in great danger, because I had spoken something touching the party who should succeed her in these kingdoms, whom I well knew to be in all right his Majesty that now is: (for being given to the reading of Chronicles, I had drawn a pedigree, and Mr. Doctor Charles Chadwicke my tutor in Emanuel college showed me another) for something publicly spoken to that purpose in a sermon at S. Marie Cray in Kent, in the year, as I remember, ninety eight, I was accused to Doct. Barlow, than chaplain to Archbishop Whitegift, and Parson of Orpington, and S. Marie Craie. He presently gave order unto one M. Hamden a justice of peace, to call me to an account, and examine both me, and diverse credible persons that heard me. He joining unto him, S. Robert Bosevile of Anisford, took mine examination in Sir percival Hearts house at Lullingstone. Those men which were examined what they heard me say, namely M. Francis Haddon, M. Richard Manning of Kevingtowne, and, as I think, Richard Manning of Kippingden-crowch, etc. did give good testimony of me, and the minister that accused me was by the justice found variable. So by the goodness of God I escaped that danger, but performed not unto him my promise of reformation. I pass by many dangers, because I will not trouble you with hearing the several reports of them: only one I pray you patiently to hear. Upon S. Steuens day in the year six hundred and eleven, I preached a sermon in the Church called All-hallows in Derby, where then I was, and now am the unworthy Minister. In my prayer before the Sermon, I made a strange fault, and thus it came about: I in my private prayers, had used in very dear affection to my Sovereign Lord, (God is witness) to name those kingdoms together whereof the Lord God hath given him possession, and that by itself which yet he doth not possess: very undiscreetly I in my public prayer that day, fell into that form of words. My text was S. Steuens prayer for his persecutors, which I urged very far, I will not say discreetly, but I profess before the God of heaven, that it was without any secret love to Popery: I urged, that which I shall ever hold to be true, that though the Papists be our dangerous enemies, as being full of malice & treason, yet we ought to be rather angry with our sins, then with them: for had we grace to walk worthy of that glorious light which God by the Gospel of his Son hath graciously given unto us in this land, he would not suffer that mystery of iniquity to prevail against us. This is most certain: for hitherto he hath miraculously defeated their hellish practices, though we in our own consciences know that we are unworthy of such marvelous preservation. I came to this parish against the will of many. Some of which company took occasion out of my fault about his majesties style-royall, and out of some things spoken both in that and other sermons, (how conscionably & charitably construed, it concerneth them to ponder,) I say they took occasion to accuse me of Popery, and treason, and those accusations they urged with much policy, and great strength against me: I was twice at London about it, and in sore perplexity God knoweth. It pleased the Almighty though I was most unworthy of his aid, to be entreated of me, and therefore he procured me many friends, namely, many reverend ministers, especially Doct. Neale, than Bishop of Coventrie and Lichfielde, by whose constant intercession, I obtained of my Sovereign Lord King james a gracious remission, and of the Lord Archbishop, unto whom I was vehemently complained of, a very grew and fatherly dismission.  
When the trouble came first upon me, all the movie which I had in all the world, was between forty, and fifty shillings. But I was much befriended by many, specially by Mr. Francis Mundie of Marketon near Derbie, who by his servant sent me a purse, and in it some fifteen, or sixteen pounds, willing me to take either all, or how much I would freely. Such a friend, yea such friends, God send every honest poor man in his need. And God who is the fountain of mercies, vouchsafe to be evermore merciful unto them & theirs, that show mercy unto poor distressed wretches overtaken between the straits. Here in all humbleness I crave favourable leave to speak a few words unto superiors Ecclesiastical, and Civil.  
Oh my Lords, and Masters, a poor man pursued by mighty adversaries must needs be guilty, whether he be guilty, or no; unless you follow his example upon whom your dignities depend. Please it you therefore to consider what he once said unto Abraham his friend, Gen. 18.20. And the Lord said, Because the cry of Sodom, and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous: 21. I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me: and if not, I will know. The Lord our God unto whom all things are so manifest as possibly they may be, needeth not to examine any accusation; for he knoweth far more perfectly then either the accuser, or the accused. But his mind is, that all men, and specially you should with all moderation, and lawful indifferency take thorough-knowledge of any, specially of a poor man's cause, before you give sentence; yea, before you speak any hard word: for a cross term, yea a frown is enough to astonish many a weakhearted man, and make him unable to speak for himself.  
Also I humbly beseech all Preachers, to take these warnings by me: First, be ye thoroughly reconciled unto God, that he may vouchsafe to join with you in that most weighty business. Secondly, so far as possibly with a good conscience, have peace, and be in friendly terms with all people lest some in bitterness of displeasure mistake your words to their hurt, and your grief. The holy God is my witness, that some speeches of mine were most strangely mistaken, by men professing great preciseness of conscience: yea, mark I pray you, so strangely, that out of a public speech of mine, zealously intended, and uttered against the Roman religion, one piece of an article was taken against me to prove me popish. Thirdly, be very careful that in no sort ye meddle with any matter of Estate: for there is no wisdom, nor safety in so doing. Fourthly, though in purposing to speak this or that, your mind be very upright, yet make careful choice of words, and phrase: for that which being uttered one way can not be ill taken, may in an other suit of words seem very harsh, and be likely to do more harm then good. O for a mortified minister! He will not speak thus, and thus, because he will; but so, and so, because he is willed. This, if I mistake not, may be called the meekness of wisdom: which whatsoever any man can say to the contrary, doth most befit a minister of the Gospel, specially in these latter days, wherein natural corruption taketh upon it to be zealous, and precise for God's glory. You need not ask me, whether in that my great danger, I vowed unto God a strict reformation of life? I did indeed. But when my danger was over, I performed not my vow.  
Now I must fetch a compass back again to speak of my diseases, and of some troubles withal. My body hath been windy and rheumatic from my childhood by a natural distemper, as I take it, of my liver; the hotness whereof hath caused much evil unto me. In the winter, six hundred, and six, I then being Curate of Southfleet in Kent, after an extreme cough did sensibly perceive blindness entered into mine eyes: for diverse moats seemed to fly before me, which way soever I turned my sight; yea, and specially before my right eye, a thing in fashion of a kind of chain, sometime folded, or turned diverse ways, and sometime at length. What infirmity in the eye causeth this appearance, let learned Physicians judge. Thus it hath all this while been with me, increasing more, and more, so that now I have much ado to write, or to read, and am forced to hold my eyes, and the book very near together. The next winter after in the great frost, I was taken with a windy disease in the lower part of my breast, which so grievously vexed me, that I looked for nothing but death. In the very extremity of this painfulness, Doctor Barlow then Bishop of Rochester, who not long before by the death of Mr. Winter, came to have the Parsonage of Southfleet, where I was Curate, being by some, through mine own undiscretion, incensed against me, took an occasion to put me out of the Curatship. About that time I did set forth a little book, called The burden of a loaden conscience: Which hath occasioned many heavy burdens to be laid upon me, by those whose holiness is known unto God, and not unto me, a many precise folk, that know not other men's hearts, howsoever they know their own. Mine old kind Schoolfellow Mr. William Eyre fellow in Emanuel College, (who twice before had been my refuge under God) understanding that I was without place, did by means of Mr. john Cotton fellow in the same college, help me to the Curateship of S. Alkmunds' in Derby of Derbyshier. There I was a year, and a quarter very lovingly used. My stipend was fully so much as ever before. Also M. Robert Bate of little Chester gave me my diet, and lodging all that time, his wife, a virtuous woman now in heaven, having a very tender care of me, because of my sickness. Unwisely I left that place, and put myself into a world of trouble, by taking the Curateship of All-hallows in the same town. In this great and burdenous charge, I have now been almost five years. During this time, my windy disease, together with a faintness, grew so upon me, that I fell into diverse deadly fits of the cholike, not only in cold weather, but in the heat of summer. Now I come to tell you of intolerable torments. Gravel hath bred in me from my youth, and oftentimes I was pained with it: whereupon I used to take a great deal of small drink, and so avoided it. I remember that my worshipful friend, M. Richard Sedly of Southfleete, said once unto me; What will you do when your stomach cannot receive so much drink? Ah gentle. M. Sedly! the time is now come, and now I can do nothing to help myself but call upon the name of God.  
About the end of july, in the year sixteen hundred and twelve, I was taken with many fits of cholike and stone, one fit anon after another: Then I cried God mercy, and promised zealous amendment of life. The fits left me; but I amended not. The next summer after, I had some three or four several fits. Now mark I pray you, and believe me I beseech you. The second of November last, 1613. at night I going to bed, felt a fit of the cholike and stone coming upon me. Wherefore I being in great anguish, prayed earnestly unto God, that for his mercy's sake, he would then ease me of that pain, with condition that if I did not presently enter into a very reformed course of life, the disease should return upon me and kill me. It presently was gone, and all that night I had quiet rest. The morrow I performed not my promise. Towards night I felt a threatening of it again, and therefore according to Doct. Bambrigs' direction, I took purging pills to prevent it: which kind of Physic had formerly eased me. The pills wrought: yet the morrow morning a violent fit came upon me. How grievously I was that day tormented, some that in kindness came to see me, namely, M. Thomas Stringer, and M. john Haughton do, I am sure, very well remember. My breast quaked as a leaf shaken with the wind. You may think, I had then great cause to fear that the wrath of my Lord was kindled against me: I humbly besought him to rebuke the disease yet once more, and then (unless I forced myself to enter in at the straight door of repentance) no more: He is a gracious Lord, his name be praised. At even he rebuked the disease, and it left me: yet all that night I was glad to have Mr. Duxburie sit with me, I was so weakened: one while I was up, an other while down, and O my good Lord, what I think upon thou knowest; my soul most humbly, and lamentably appealeth unto thine infinite mercy.  
After this I purposed, as I thought, very steadfastly to reform myself according to the word of God; yea so far forth, that I wrote unto Cantrell Leg Printer in Cambridg, a note to be set before the fift impression of my former little book. In that note bearing date, Novemb. 27. 1613. I signified that my conscience was unburdened, & that I would shortly publish the manner thereof; whereas God knoweth I was far short of being unburdened. Now yet mark I pray you: All my former fits were about the right kidnie. In januarie and February, I felt a painful gathering of somewhat about my left kidnie, which prickingly continued, causing a grievous torment in the water passage out of my body. Many times my water came drop-meale, with burning pain. That long practised religious Physician, Doct. Hunton of Newarke upon Trent, with whom I had formerly been for my windy disease, and (by means of M. john Batte Vicar of Newarke now deceased, my old schoolmaster) had received much favour from him; he sent me word that as he could conjecture by my letter (for I was not able to ride unto him) I was in danger of some deadly fretting in my kidneys, by reason of gravel stones, which was not without difficulty to be prevented in a settled course of Physic. I had little money to bestow, and no great mind to take bodily medicine, before my soul were cured by the physic of jesus Christ crucified.  
The grievous disease of my water increasing, and mine old splennitive windiness filling my body, and head, together with an extreme faintness, the 19 day of April I did with very fearful conditions, bind myself unto God, that I would diligently endeavour to order myself according unto these rules following.  

My first rule.  
First, I must be always mindful, that I, the worst of all sinners, am before the face of god, who seethe the whole settled wicked behaviour of mine heart, who hath all my evil thoughts, words, and deeds in perfect remembrance, whose holiness extremely hateth all manner of sin, whose righteousness will not suffer any sin to be unpunished, whose prayer is able to torment me everlastingly with most unspeakable pain in body and soul. Hereupon I must conceive, that great is the wrath whereunto I have provoked God, and that therefore great is the vengeance which justly he may power upon me for ever. I must labour that this double conceit may work in my heart a double affection, sorrow for the displeasure of God, and fear of his vengeance. This is the way to break mine heart, and a broken heart is a sacrifice unto God, Psal. 51.17. Inward humbleness cannot but outwardly show itself; and so it will be the more easily settled, and the more deeply rooted in mine heart and soul. I must very carefully reform my vain mind, unsad countenance, and talkative tongue: else I cannot be rightly humbled in the sight of God.   

My second rule.  
Secondly, I must think upon the great mercy, mighty power, and most joyful bliss, which God in jesus Christ, proffereth unto all those, that will forsake sin, & believe the Gospel: mercy to forgive their sins, power to free them from the inclination of sin, and bliss to fill them full of all delightful pleasure for evermore. Hereupon I must strive to have a most hungry and thirsty desire of the grace of God.   

My third rule.  
Thirdly, I must give all diligence, that by prayer I may obtain of God the spirit of grace. To this purpose I must be always prayingly, and cravingly affected. I must impart my goods unto the poor, that I may have the help of their prayers. Luk. 16.9. Also I must entreat all those which seem to be acquainted with God, that they will pray for me unto him: jam. 5.16. Had I any warrant to entreat the Saints in heaven to pray for me, I would gladly do it. But I have none. My belief is, that no glorified soul, no, not the blessed virgin-mother, intermeddleth with any business in this world. And I am fully persuaded, that it is the safer way so to believe. It seemeth unto me that Roman catholics of the Pope's religion, under colour of in treating Saints to pray for them, do indeed worship them, call upon them, make vows, and offer spiritual sacrifices unto them, as unto so many he-gods and she-gods. I beseech the Lord God to enlighten their minds, and rectify their affections, according unto true holiness, and pure devotion. Amen. Amen.  
I must duly, and devoutly pray unto God at least three times every day. I have great need to pray every hour, because of the hardness of mine heart, and deathfulnesse of my body. I must oftentimes, so far as my weak body will endure; pray fasting, and so long as I am able, humbly kneeling. I must in prayer speak unto God very leisurely, and reverently: I must so earnestly mind that I speak unto him, as I were face to face with him.  
When I begin any set prayer, I will worship the Lord my God, most humbly lifting up my mind towards his glorious majesty in heaven, and bowing down my body towards the ground, so rest upon my knees.  

My prayer early in the morning.  
O Almighty, most blessed, and glorious Lord God, I a most wicked sinful sinner, hearty acknowledging that thou in most wonderful goodness, hast made me a living soul in thine own likeness, hast proffered everalasting salvation unto me, hast long time endured my rebellious wickedness, and hitherto preserved me alive, do humbly beseech thee to give grace that I may henceforth until the end, and in the ending of my life, very zealously glorify thy name in the practice of true repentance. Grant the same grace, I hearty pray thee, unto every man, woman, and child that wanteth it; that all people in all places may joyfully praise thee, through thine only Son jesus Christ: To whom with thee, o Father, and with the holy Ghost, three persons, & one only Lord God, be all praise, honour, glory, worship, and humble service, now, and for evermore. Amen.  
About nine of the clock in the forenoon I must pray thus;  
Oh Almighty Lord God, who lovest holiness, and hatest sin, and therefore hast prepared everlasting bliss in heaven for thy holy servants, & endless torment in hell for sinners: I the worst of all sinners, do humbly beseech thee, that for thy only son jesus Christ's sake, thou wilt give me thy grace of true repentance, & saith unfeigned, that so I may obtain of thee forgiveness of all my sins, and the lowest place among all them which shall be saved. Amen.  
O Lord, innumerable sins have come out of mine heart, I have filled the world with the cursed fruits of my wickedness. I beseech thee to put all my sins quite away out of thy sight, and out of the minds of all people, that thou mayest be no longer displeased, nor any man, woman, or child any more harmed by means of me.  
O Lord, I have caused much evil unto many folk, and the good which I should have caused, I have wickedly neglected. I beseech thee to give unto every one, which hath been any way harmed or neglected of me, a large recompense, and so far as may be to work the same recompense unto them by me; the residue by those means which thou knowest to be fittest for that purpose.  
O Lord, many people have been beneficial unto me; because thy will was that they should be so, I humbly thank thee for it, beseeching thy gracious goodness to give a bountiful reward unto every one that hath benefited me in deed, word, or desire, and to make me so thankful unto them, as a right Christian ought to be.  
O Lord, if any have either in way of friendship towards me, or in manner of enmity against me, or by any means touching me displeased thee, I beseech thee to pardon them: and also to give such a measure of thy grace into mine uncharitable heat, that I may most freely forgive every one that either hath been, or shall be a trespasser against me.  
O Lord, I have displeased, and discontented many folk. I beseech thee to pacify and quiet them. O give grace that I may humbly seek for, and they may gently yield unto a Christian reconcilement.  
O Lord, I am of a froward disposition, apt to displease and disquiet every one. I beseech thee to break me from this unkind unpeaceable condition: O keep me from giving cause of displeasure unto any, and keep others from taking displeasure against me, that so far as is possible with a good conscience, I may live and die in peace with all thy creatures.  
O Lord, thou mightest justly set all thy creatures to sight against me; because I am most rebelliously disobedient against thee. But contrariwise, thou dost most mercifully give unto me the comfortable use of many things, and the favourable amity of many people. O gracious Lord, I humbly thank thee, beseeching thine Almighty goodness so to sanctify thy blessings unto me, that I may blessedly employ them to the glory of thy grace, the good of all people, and the hurt of nothing, but only of sin.  
O Lord, I own a special duty unto my kindred, and acquaintance. I beseech thee to be gracious unto them, and specially unto those with whom I stand charged as the minister of their salvation. O give unto every one of them, I most humbly pray thee all those blessings which a good minister of thy Gospel should be a means to procure unto them. Amen. Amen.  
O Lord, Christened people, who of thy Son Christ's name are named Christians, be very wretchedly entangled with differences of belief, and wickednesses of life: I beseech thee to send forth such a power of thy sons grace, as shall join them all together in the right Christian faith, and make them to abound in the fruits thereof, to thy glory, and their mutual benefiting one another. Specially, O Lord, as duty bindeth me, I pray for those two islands, Britain, and Ireland, beseeching thee to power thy graces continually upon thine anointed servant King james, and upon his Queen, and Children, and subjects, that he, and all his may be every way pleasing unto thee, and evermore blessed of thee. Amen, Amen.  
O Lord, many nations, and people are unchristians; they believe not in thy Son Christ, and therefore they are in the way of damnation. I beseech thee to be merciful unto them all, and specially unto the jews, and Israelites the natural children of thine old faithful servants Abraham, Isaac, and jacob. So soon as it possibly may be, with thine own good pleasure, I humbly pray thee to convert them unto the true Christian faith, that they may be saved, and therein thy Son Christ glorified. Amen. Amen.  
O Lord, some people are diseased in body, some are troubled in mind, and some are cumbered with outward adversity. I beseech thee to give them the grace that they may forsake all manner of sin, and wholly submit themselves unto thee; O than they shall be most tenderly cherished in all their necessities, & very timely removed out of all their misery into perpetual blessedness. Amen. Amen.  
For these, and for all other mercies which I, or any child of my father Adam do, or shall need, my desire is, O Lord, I beseech thee, give me grace, to pray acceptably unto thy glorious majesty in thine only Son jesus Christ's name, as he hath taught me, saying, O our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, etc.  
Glory, and honour, and praise, and thanks, with all divine worship, and humble service be given unto thee, O God the Father, the Son, and the holy Ghost. And unto the poor children of the man Adam be vouchsafed from thee through the man jesus, deliverance from sin and misery, henceforth for evermore. Amen. Amen.  
That I might sing unto my good Lord in some tuneablenesse, I bought the whole book of Psalms with tunes in four parts. And I bestowed now and then, a little time to learn the notes of the tenor part. My skill is very small; but yet I would not forego it for a great gain; because it helpeth my dull devotion. This, under correction, I say of music, Upon an holy affection, it hath an heavenly working: but contrariwise, contrarily.   

¶ My forenoon Psalm,  
to the tune of Attend my people, and give ear.  
O  of the deeps of misery, O blessed Lord, I cry to thee: Vouchsafe for thy Son Christ his sake, to hearken graciously to me.  

To me the worst of all the folk  
which here upon thine earth do dwell;  
A wretch most fit to be cut off,  
and cast down headlong into hell.   

For mercy Lord to thee I cry,  
for mercy and for saving grace,  
To pardon all my wickedness,  
and my corruptions to deface.   

Good Lord give me repentance, that  
I may indeed unfeignedly  
Enforce myself for evermore  
my sins to kill and crucify.   

Lord guide and lead me all this day,  
in every thought, and word, and deed,  
To do thy will, and bless thou me  
that I may always have good speed.   

And when thou shalt most mightily  
have freed me from sinful thrall,  
To praise thy blessed Name with me  
I will entreat thy people all.   

Both now, and henceforth I will praise  
thy Name O God, right thankfully,  
Because thou wilt not suffer me  
in graceless state to live and die.   

O Father, Son, and holy Ghost,  
one only God in persons three,  
All glory, honour, praise, and thanks,  
be yielded evermore to thee.   
Amen.   

My noon prayer.  
O most holy, most good, and gracious Lord God, I the most unclean, and most defiled wretch of all the world, do humbly beseech thy most blessed and glorious majesty, that even for that right dear love which is between thee, and thine only begotten son, the Lord jesus Christ, God and man crucified, thou wilt vouchsafe to make known thy wonderful grace, in cleansing me from the most abominable defilement of my sins. To this end I humbly pray thee to make me always very mindful of thy presence, fearful of thy displeasure, and desirous of thy favour. O most merciful Lord, grant me this mercy, this exceeding great mercy, and then do unto me every way that which shall be most to thine own good pleasure, and to thy own glory. Yea blessed Lord God, unto thee be all good pleasure, praise, honour, worship, and glory in jesus Christ, now and for evermore. Amen. Amen.   

¶ My noon Psalm  
to a tune which in Cambridge was called Mr. Perkins tune.  
O Holy, holy, holy Lord, the purest of all things, the blessefull glorious Majesty, from whence all goodness springs.  

Look down from thy most holy place,  
behold good Lord and see  
A sinful woeful wretched man  
most loathsome unto thee.   

Most foul and filthy is my sin,  
Ah! fie upon me fie!  
O Father of all holiness,  
to thee for grace I cry.   

For grace to wash, and make me clean,  
from this most ugly sin,  
That I in heaven among thy Saints,  
the lowest place may win.   

The last and lowest place of all,  
O Lord, of thee I crave:  
Give grace to wash, and make me clean,  
that I that place may have.   

Forgive me all my sins, though they  
most grievous be and great;  
Forgive me all for Christ his sake,  
I humbly thee entreat.   

Then I will sing to thee with joy,  
my song it shall be this,  
No wight so wicked as I was  
hath place in heavenly bliss.   

To Father, Son, and holy Ghost,  
All glory be therefore,  
Yea honour, worship, praise, and thanks  
henceforth for evermore.   
¶ About three of the clock in the afternoon, I must say the same prayer which I said about nine in the forenoon.  
O Almighty Lord God, who lovest holiness, etc.   

¶ My afternoon Psalm,  
to the Suffolk tune.  

O Blessed and most glorious God,  
whose throne is set on high,  
I sinful and most wretched man,  
to thee for mercy cry.   

Confessing that thy great goodness,  
thy patience wonderful,  
And long forbearance do me move  
my sins to disannul.   

But woe is me! my naughty heart  
to sin is still so bend,  
That in myself I find no means  
entirely to repent.   

This world also wherein I live  
with sin doth overflow,  
And meets me with temptations  
which way soever I go.   

Satan that mighty evil spirit  
so full of subtlety,  
Doth practise all the means he can,  
that I in sin may die.   

Therefore I cry to thee O Lord,  
whose power is over all,  
Beseeching thee to free me from  
this sinful deadly thrall.   

With true repentance, and right faith,  
mine heart and soul fulfil,  
That I may hate all wickedness,  
and clean fast to thy will.   

From all this world's temptations,  
and Satan's practising,  
Keep thou me safe, I humbly pray,  
O gracious heavenly King.   

Then will I praise with heart and voice,  
and magnify thy name,  
When thou hast saved my poor soul  
from endless pain and shame.   

All glory, honour, praise, and thanks,  
be always given to thee,  
O Father, Son, and holy Ghost,  
one God in persons three.    

My prayer at night before I go to bed.  
O most mighty, and most gracious Lord God, I wretched man, the worst of the world, do cry thee mercy for all the sins which this day, or at any time before, have come out of my heart, by way of deed, word, or thought. I hearty thank thee for all the blessings which thou hast graciously, and plentifully given me. I humbly praise thine holy name, for that it hath pleased thee to preserve me from many evils, & to deliver me out of great dangers. I beseech thee to endue me with such a measure of thy grace, that I may henceforth forevermore be acceptably thankful unto thee, through jesus Christ.  
Be merciful also I humbly pray thee unto all those for whom I ought to pray: give them, and unto me, I beseech thee, all the graces which thine only son hath taught us to pray for in his name, saying, O our father which art in heaaen, hallowed be thy name, etc.   

When I lay me down in my bed, I will say,  
O blessed Lord God, here I lie down, not knowing what shall come unto me this night: I humbly betake both body and soul unto thee, beseeching thy most gracious goodness to receive me into thy keeping, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour. Amen.   

When I settle myself to sleep, I will say,  
O good Lord God, vouchsafe to be merciful unto this feeble body, that it may have a little comfortable rest, and be thereby made the more serviceable unto thee, through thine only Son my dear Lord and Saviour. Amen.   

If I cannot take rest, I will say thus,  
O most gracious Lord, this body cannot take rest, because I have wickedly disordered it: I beseech thee therefore to pardon me all my wickedness, and now teach my poor soul, how it shall find everlasting rest in thee, through thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour jesus Christ. Amen.   

About midnight, whether I have slept or not, I will pray thus;  
O most glorious Lord God, the Father of lights, no darkness can hide me from thee; for thou seest so clearly at midnight, as at midday, yea thou beholdest all my thoughts: Therefore I humbly present myself before thy blessed Majesty, beseeching thee to look graciously upon me a most ungracious wretch, and to save me from the works of darkness, that I may have the lowest place within the kingdom of thy glory. Grant this most merciful Father, for thine only sons sake, in whose name I pray further for myself, and for all other folk, as he hath taught me, saying, O our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, etc.   

So often as I have had any sleep, when I awake, I will say thus,  
O most merciful Father, God almighty, I humbly thank thee for the rest which thou hast now given unto this naughty body. I bequeath both it and my soul into thine hands, to be disposed of according unto thy will, to the glory of thy name, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour: Amen.   

When I arise in the morning, I will say;  
O good Lord God, with all mine heart I thank thy blessed majesty, for that it hath pleased thee mercifully to keep me all this night; now I arise out of this bed, in thy name O Father, in thy name O jesus Christ, in thy name O holy Ghost, O most holy & undivided, unseparable three persons in one God, one God in three persons, for thy glorious names sake, vouchsafe to be merciful unto me a sinner. Amen.  
This is my third rule.    

My last rule.  
Fourthly, and lastly, I must in the sight of God, conscionably detest, and resist my sins, faithfully endeavouring, that I may in very truth sa● with David, Psalm. 18.23. I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity.  
First, therefore being always mindful of God's presence, I must carefully intend to know and to do his will.  
Secondly, when any motion cometh unto mine heart, quietly, unpartially, & diligently consider, whether it be good in the sight of God, yea or no? If it be good, I must willingly yield unto it: But if it be evil, I must steadfastly purpose to refuse it; yea and remove myself so far as possible from all danger of being tempted unto it.  
If I be strongly tempted to yield unto any sin, I must earnestly pray unto God for deliverance; thus:  
O most holy and blessed Lord God, I the worst of all sinners, being now as thou seest strongly tempted to sin against thee, and not able to resist the temptation, by reason of the long settled wickedness of my heart, do humbly beseech thee to be so merciful unto me, as to save me from this great danger, through thy almighty grace in jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour, Amen.  
Having thus prayed, yea, and prayed again and again, if need require, I must with a good courage put on the mind, that I will rather endure any loss or damage, then yield unto that sin. And I must assure myself, that how strongly soever I am tempted, God will most certainly enable me to endure that temptation, unless I basely consent unto it.  
When by the grace of God I am freed from any temptation, I must praise him thus;  
O the Father of mercy, and the fountain of power, I a most weak wretch, not able to resist the least motion of sin that may be, do hearty thank thee for this gracious deliverance, which thou hast vouchsafed to give unto me. O good Lord, I beseech thee to continue thy grace towards me, that I may always be more and more thankful unto thee, through jesus Christ thine only Son my Lord, and Saviour. Amen.  
If through want of heed, or by weak resistance, I fall into any sin, I must so soon as I know it, make my confession, and prayer unto God, thus;  
O most holy, and righteous Lord God, I most damnable sinner have now sinned against thee thus, and thus, etc. I cry thee mercy, O most merciful Father, beseeching thee to give me true repentance, pardon, and freedom from this, and from all my sins, through thine only Son jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour. Amen.  
Moreover, because I am much given to sin openly, that is, in the sight, or in the hearing of some one or many of God's people, which is a great means to draw them into sin, or to harden them in sin, or at least to discourage those which make conscience of their conversation; unto every one that shall hear or see me sinning, I must, so soon as I perceive my sin, with all possible convenient speed, very plainly, and repentingly, confess it thus; Such a thing you saw me do: or, Such a thing you heard me say: I beseech you for God's sake, to take great heed that it cause no evil effect in you: for it was a sin against God, and therefore I cry God mercy for it.  
Thus I must confess any open fault; yea if it be committed in preaching, writing, or howsoever. A pulpit fault in the same pulpit, and to the same company, must be confessed. These be my rules for the practice of zealous reformation, that I may be in very deed a member, and minister of the reformed Church.  
Now I will declare unto you, how I endeavoured to bring myself into those four Rules, and with what success.  
All the rest of April I in a manner lost, endeavouring very little or nothing: but I could have no quietness in mind longer than I intended that business.  
The first of May, died in our parish a gentleman, one M. Villers, of the same tormenting disease which I have: he had been long time very grievously pained with it.  
Every day, specially in the morning, it plagued me. Wherefore to ease the pain, I drank much small drink: and sometime water, yea now and then, mine own water; because I was told that so I should be cased. But though I drank never so much, after it was passed through my body, the pain came again. Yet notwithstanding all this, I could not keep myself in the company of God, specially when I was together with any body: for than I fell into a deal of idle unholy communication.  
The eight of May, being Sabbath day, in the evening, these four were together, M. Sidney Zouch, M. Matthew Bate, Philip Aram, Richard Kilby: we drank at M. Matth. Bates house, who at the parting said thus unto us; It is great odds, that not all we four shallbe alive this day twelve month. I roundly took the words to myself, judging that the first which must be gone was I, and that god had put into his mind to say those words for my monishment. Yet (see the settled wickedness of mine heart) after my departure from them, I met with other company, and so merrily delighted myself with profane talk, that when I came into my chamber, I was forced to go prayerlesse to bed, because my soul was confounded, and ashamed to look up towards God.  
The morrow morning, I prayed thus; O blessed Lord God, most marvelous art thou in goodness, and patience. Is it possible that thou canst forbear the pouring of thy just, and wrathful vengeance upon me? O Lord, it is exceedingly enough that thou hast thus long forborn me: Cut off, I beseech thee, this most cursed course of my sin, and do unto me that which is most pleasing to thy holy will. O Lord, is there yet any hope that I should be saved? Yea, with condition of repentance. Woe is me! there is no possibility of my repentance. I cannot steadfastly continue in the purpose of resisting my sins: yea so long as thy pleasure is to preserve me alive, thou callest me unto thee; O God, I would come; but I cannot: I will assay. O I have no faith. This is that which cometh of long living in sin. Yet who can tell what thou wilt do, if I but offer to assay? Without assaying, there is no turning: without turning, no salvation. Therefore I will assay. Good Lord, I cannot. How uncouth? How strange? How beyond all possibility doth the practice of a conscionable life seem unto me? O Lord, besides mine own inward unrepentance, the violent stream of this world hindereth me. Most folk further me in sin, some one way, some another. But a very few holp me to enter in at the little door of repentance. Men may talk much, and profess great matters; but it is repentance that shall try what kind of people they be. O how easy a thing it is to make an outward show, if that would serve the turn? The heart must be upright with thee, and the spirit must cleave fast unto thee; else it is no bargain, no covenant between thee, and the party. In the name of jesus I will assay. O jesus help me, for thy most comfortable names sake. Amen.  
That very same day, I coming into company, turned from God.  
Tuesday I prayed thus; O Lord God, I do plainly perceive, that to pray unto thee for the grace of repentance, and not to enforce myself to practise the means, is a kind of mockery, and a fearful provoking of thy displeasure. Earnest prayer, and diligent practice, will mutually, through thy grace, strengthen each other. But neglect of practice, showeth cold devotion. Therefore I purpose to force myself unto this business. O good Lord, be merciful unto me. Amen.  
My intolerable pain grew worse and worse, yet I could not frame myself to take any sure hold upon the grace of repentance.  
Monday the sixteenth of May, I prayed thus; O Lord God, had I not been a stony hearted sinner, this deadly windiness might have terrified me from sin above six years a gone. O how blessed should I now have been, had I but these six last years in singleness of heart served thee! Now my time is gone; mine heart is dead within me. And though I should live a while, this hellish strangury quite disableth me: yet were I turned unto thee, thou wouldst be very gracious unto me, Oh! mine heart is so devilishly bend to sin, that no vows, no oaths, nothing can turn it. O Lord, what shall I do? I am as a man that hath most deadly wounded himself, and dying would not die. But woe is me! There is no remedy. He that is wounded to death, must die; yea, but thou vouchsafest to raise up some by the grace of thy Son. True, Lord, true it is. But few of that company be such as have been dissembling hypocrites. And of all counterfeits, the most uncurable is a counterfeit-preacher of thy righteousness. My soul can hardly think how such a one should have the grace of repentance. Of all such, if any such there be beside me, I am the worst. O good Lord be merciful unto me the worst of all sinners. Amen.  
Friday the twentieth of May, I prayed thus; O good Lord, though the hardness of mine heart be exceedingly great, yet ought I not to despair: for thy Son likeneth the kingdom of thy grace unto a grain of mustered seed, and unto a little leaven. O my soul, hast thou not a little faith! Look up unto heaven, and crave of thy maker that the fullness of grace which is in jesus Christ may have some little influence, and entrance into thee, by the holy Ghost. O my good Lord, my soul is full of unbelief. I beseech thee to be merciful unto mine unbelieving soul. Amen.  
About noon the same day, having dined with two strangers (for I lodge, and table in a vitteling-house) coming into my chamber, I confessed, and prayed thus; O Lord, what am I that I should undertake to walk uprightly before thy face? I cannot, for the company, and presence of any one draweth my mind down from thee. O why dost thou suffer the poor children of Adam to be thus carried away? Is it because thou wilt have it so? fie upon me sinne-blinded wretch! when a servant for his naughtiness is turned out of his service, he should lay the blame of his misery upon himself, and not ungraciously exclaim that his lord had a purpose to put him away before ever he offended. Yea, but silly man thinketh, that thou who art so renowned, and famous for mercy, shouldest be merciful unto every one. Or if not so, because then justice should not be seen, nor the benefit of mercy so well appear; yet the greater number should have mercy; specially seeing that the God-man jesus hath paid so great a ransom for mercy. We do not consider that among many traitors, it is much if a King pardon one. Sin is treason against thee, yea far more heinous, than the highest treason can be against Princes; because thy Majesty is infinitely greater than theirs. Also thy hate of sin is above our understanding, for it is according to the measure of thy holiness, which is unmeasurable. Ah! my father Adam little knew, how many thousand thousands of his own natural children, he did throw into everlasting misery, in breaking thy commandment. He was well able to have obeyed thy will: So am not I: for from out of him I have together with my body, received a wicked inclination, which now is by long custom in sinning, most extremely hardened. O good Lord, be merciful unto me. Amen.  
That afternoon I kept myself within; and the morrow also. But Saturday at night I by occasion of company, fell into vain mirth, whereunto I am excessively given. There is indeed a good kind of merriment, if we could hit upon it: for, according to the last, and in my weak judgement, the best translation of the Bible, He that is of a merry heart, hath a continual feast, Prou. 15.15. But in the jews language, a merry heart is a good heart; and therefore there can be no sound safe mirth without the grace of repentance. Can a subject, though of high degree, be frolic and jocund before the face of the King, so long as his Majesty is grievously displeased with him? That were a ready way to discover an unloyall heart, which unto a prudent Prince is very abominable. But what if the same subject be upon humble submission received into his Sovereign's favour? will he not be very moderate in his mirth, so long as he is in the presence of his Majesty? will it not be joy sufficient unto him, to be free from giving his Liege Lord any cause of distaste, & to minister unto him all possible good contentment? yea, else he is not fit to be in the presence of Majesty, for he eclipseth the royal glory, which cannot but cause some evil effect one way, or another. So it is between the Lord of glory, and those which serve in his presence, that is to say, all Christians.  
The 22. of May, being Sabbath, I was sore plagued with the strangury; yet going to Church, and after divine service coming into the pulpit, I felt myself to be something cool, and able to speak. So might I have continued, but that I did as I would wish no man to do, strain myself with a kind of furiousness; the common behaviour of such as are tumultuously, confusedly and rawly prepared.  
The best way for a Preachers self, and the most likely to prevail in persuading his hearers, is, if I be not much deceived, grave, mild, and treatable speech.  
If a man perceive it in himself, it is a very grievous sight to see corrupted nature play the part of grace, and with a smoky flourish, make as though it would kill the devil, being indeed his base slave, so willing to obey, as he to command. What a glory is this to Satan, what a dishonour to God?  
After I was come home, I praised God thus; O most excellently gracious Lord, what shall I sinner do? I am neither worthy, nor able to praise thee: yet exceedingly bound to do it. O Lord, what moveth thee to be so good unto the worst of all sinners? Only thine own goodness: for in me there is nothing but causes of provocation: Yea a thousand, and a thousand thousand causes which cry unto thee for vengeance, and continually urge thy justice to power a whole sea of wrath upon me. And yet thou art gracious unto me. Had I the holiest soul, and the strongest body of all that live upon the face of the earth, yea though I could live an hundred holy lives, & die as many right Martyrdoms in zeal of thee, and of thy truth, I should not come near unto the making of a sufficient recompense for the goodness, patience, and forbearance which thou hast graciously showed unto me. And yet, lo, most vile wretch that I am! I still live in sin, and so continue, displeasing and dishonouring thee. O my good Lord, give me grace to be once broken from this devilish wickedness, though it be with condition that I shallbe the most refuse man of all the world. Lay upon me whatsoever thou wilt, only disburden my conscience of sin, and ease my body of this unsupportable pain of the strangury. Amen.  
At evening prayer, I read and preached again. Afterward being very much wearied, I had a mind to go and refresh myself in company, (the bane of Sabbath day keeping) and went first to one house, then to another, ending the day very heathenishly.  
Monday after supper, my mind pretended reason to draw me abroad: & therefore out I went. To ease my strangury I drank at one house much beer, at an other whey in stead of beer.  
Thursday a great heat with a deadly faintness came upon me: my left kidney was sore pained, and thereupon I was grievously tormented in the passage of my water.  
The 29. of May, being Sabbath, I took a course ●ore easy for myself, and as I verily believe, more profitable for the parish. In the forenoon I preached a sermon, and at evening prayer after the second lesson, I asked a youth, who was well provided to answer, three or four questions touching the foundation of Religion. Then I made those short answers plain, and proved them out of the Bible in half an hours space. I humbly advise all young Preachers that they will not imagine they can build jerusalem suddenly: for sudden buildings will soon fall down. I marvel how it cometh to pass, that in some places, even where learned Preachers have killed themselves with sore labours, the greater number of people are grossly ignorant; yea, I say it again, and can prove it, very grossly ignorant. I trust I am under protection, and that maketh me the bolder to speak my mind, in the fear of God, and love of my Country. The common sort is much neglected: for neither matter of doctrine, nor manner of speech is fitted unto their low and small capacity. Most people for some three quarters of an hour, if they understand the words, and perceive the matter concerning their salvation to be plainly proved out of the book of God, (which for aught I know, is of greater reverence with them, then with many of higher degree, and greater understanding:) I say, if they be plainly and briefly taught out of God's book, they will give very diligent ear: But if the Preacher confound their understanding, or be longer than ordinary, they leave all, and think thus; When will yonder man have done; he hath no reason to make an end.  
The next Sabbath the fift of june, I did follow the same order which I took the Sabbath before.  
Thursday following I was drawn to a feast, and so into much sin: for no sauce is so common at a feast as sin. Sin maketh all the company merry: Satan also hath his factors, who begin some one or other ungodly kind of merriment. I am naturally such a one, yea worse than the worst of them that are so disposed: yet this I say, While you live, bless you from those which are special ringleaders in matter of unholy pastime: for the devil himself setteth them a work.  
Friday I dined with certain strangers, and so fell into forgetfulness of God: afterward coming into my chamber, I prayed thus;  
O Lord God, how is it possible for him which seethe thee not, to keep company with thee: I believe that I am before thy face, what aileth me then, that I do not profess and show forth this my belief? because there is no company to be had with most people, if this belief be acted, & put into practice. I myself should take it for an uncouth thing, if an other in my company should appear to present himself before thy face. Our disposition abhorreth to be awed, our minds are full of vanity, we are like unto foolish scholars, that love not to have their schoolmaster in their company: yea, we are worse than they; for when their master is with them, though it be sore against their will, yet they acknowledge his presence: and if he be a wise man, tempering masterly gravity with fatherly gentleness, he shall in time win those rude ones to be glad of his company, and very reverently to love him, as the parent of their good education: So wouldst thou graciously work upon us, if we would acknowledge thy presence; but this is quite contrary to the bent of our hearts. O good Lord, I beseech thee to be merciful unto us. Amen.  
That day in the afternoon, I went to Church to bury an old man, named Richard Duke, and thence I went into the town, where, being in company, I forgot God, and what any man perceived in my behaviour, I know not. Thence I came home, and after some idle communication with some which I found in the house, coming into my chamber, my spirit was so ashamed to speak unto God, that I went prayerless to bed.  
The morrow being Whitsunday-eve, I was so grievously tormented that I drank beside much beer, four quarts of water.  
Whitsunday one preached in my place both forenoon and afternoon.  
Monday by reason of overfull diet taken the day before, the wind cholike began in my bowels, which held me all day, and all night in sore pain: yea, though I used both purges and clysters, it hung upon me well-nigh all the week following. I must not tell how unpatiently, how abominably I behaved myself, as I lay tormented with that fit. O most holy Lord, forgive me I beseech thee, and of thine exceeding great mercy free me from the wicked bondage of my sins Amen.  
Trinity Sunday I should have preached a sermon at Kirk-Ireton, some eight miles from Derbie, where one M. Storer sometime a baker in London, hath given a sermon to be preached, and certain money distributed that day yearly for ever: whether, because the town of Derbie is bound to see that work performed, I had been sent, as I remember, four times. But my filthy strangury now so vexed me, that I could not ride: Wherefore tarrying at home, I preached twice to mine own charge. Were I able, I would give so much unto the parish of All-hallows in Derbie for ever, as should keep their own Minister at home among them; for it is a great company of people, and hath great need of continual careful guidance in the way of God.  
The six and twentieth of june, being Sabbath, though in the morning I was sore troubled with the strangury, yet God of his mercy enabled me to preach in the forenoon, and catechize in the afternoon.  
He that had seen how I studied monday, and tuesday for matter of prayer, and Psalms unto God, in desire & hope of deliverance out of the bondage of sin; and after all that, how quite contrarily I bent my course, would verily be persuaded that he had seen not one man, but two men in one outward likeness, the one with many tears pitifully craving mercy at the hands of God, and the other turning his back to God, and running away from him.  
Tuesday evening I was at a place in the town, profanely pleasing myself. Being returned home, and sitting down in my chamber, my mind left me, and went back to the same place again. At last with much ado, I started up, and falling down upon my knees before the face of God, prayed thus;  
O my creator, thou seest how it is with me. Thy goodness is most wonderful, my wickedness is most uncurable, and unsufferable. O make a speedy end of my sin which way soever it pleaseth thee, & blessed for evermore be thy Name. Amen.  
The morrow I straggled not abroad, but mine affections were very unruly; yea, and that which is strange, I could not frame my mind to take any deep conceit of the wickedness of mine heart. Thus it is when a man's heart is settled in the love of any evil, he is not able to think so of it as it is.  
Friday the first of july, I dined with a guest, a learned friend of mine; who took occasion to speak somewhat sharply against Precisians. This, I thought, he did the rather, because some informed him, that I was too familiar with such people.  
Therefore to satisfy both that minister, & all others whom it may concern, I most humbly crave the benefit of modest liberty, to speak without offence, what my poor soul in the sight of God, thinketh touching this division. It hath been a means of great advantage both to Popery & profaneness: yea, this wretchedness is caused by it, Upon either side diverse have nothing else to commend them, but only this, that they are of that side; yea, and the side is glad to make use of them. Is it not a lamentable case, that some appear to have almost no conscience but against ceremonies, others none but for ceremonies? The Precisian doth (in my conscience not without great cause) cry out against ignorant, idle, and profane ministers. But where is the fault? The coast had been well cleared by this time of the day, had not Satan caused church-government to be both by way of soberness, and in the fashion of madness, very fiercely assailed. But to what end? to reform the Church? No, to deform it.  
This is my belief concerning Church-government. Can any man truly say, Such a lord Bishop doth not seek his own worldly commodity, but the edifying of his Diocese, and the glory of jesus Christ? Doth it evidently appear that his whole bent is in the diligent discharge of his office to approve himself unto God, and unto every conscience of men in the sight of God? Then will I conclude upon my soul's peril;  
There is the Apostolical Church-governement of jesus Christ.  
If any such there be, who cannot in some good measure be truly so reported of, the calamity is great, the judgement very fearful. Yet because of personal faults, to destroy a divine ordinance, and bring in confusion, the calamity would be greater, the judgement more fearful.  
Indeed, Church-discipline is not reverenced for want of holy severity. The punishment of fornication and adultery, etc. is little else but large fees: A filthy gain, fie upon it! I would entreat leave to speak once more. Touching the ministery, besides what I have by the way signified already, I humbly pray great Scholars, and all that seek after riches, and advancement in the Church, to ponder these my words;  
The Gospel of the Son of God, must, and will first throw down Pride, and Covetousness, before it work an universal good in this kingdom.  
Those two great sins cannot be upheld any way, but only by Popery: for they must be accompanied with a superstitious conceit that pomp is religion: which, when all have said what they can say, the Gospel will not endure. So, I have done.  
The same friday after that I had dined, it came into my mind to go into the town, as formerly I had done. But I felt in mine heart no desire to go. Therefore coming into my chamber, I began to wonder at myself, what should ail me, fearing lest some secret deadliness had seized upon mine heart. At last, I broke out into these words, Whatsoever is the cause, blessed be the name of God. O good Lord, let whatsoever come upon me, so that my spirit may be settled in this disposition: And I shall be bound to praise thee most joyfully for evermore. Amen.  
That day I kept myself within, and the morrow, and the Sabbath day, having gotten one to supply my place.  
All the next week I continued so, and the Sabbath following, my place being supplied by one preacher in the forenoon, and an other in the afternoon.  
Wednesday the thirteenth of july, I still keeping within, prayed thus;  
O most holy, and dreadful Lord God, with what face can so heinous a sinner as I am, dare to speak unto thy most glorious Majesty, or be so bold to ask any thing of thee? Thy most wonderful goodness emboldeneth me. And yet still me thinks I am past grace, because sin doth so abound in me. O Lord, my sins are as the sand of the sea unnumberable, & therefore my soul must needs be thoroughly, and thoroughly stained: for every sin so often as it is yielded unto, worketh a black blemish into my soul. Woe is me! my soul is wholly overrun with a most foul filthy leprosy. This is all my comfort, that thy servant saith, Rom. 5.20. Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound. The more deadly the disease, the more sovereign the medicine, the more excellent the Physician that cureth it. O God, thou art able to do whatsoever powerful work thou wilt; yea thou canst do infinitely more than thou wilt. But here is the greatest wonder, that thou shouldest vouchsafe to work a most admirable cure upon him unto whom thou mayest most justly say,  
Away from me thou most damnable sinner: Away out of my light: I will not pardon thee; because thou hast most grievously displeased, and unpardonably dishonoured me, in breaking the laws of my kingdom, in refusing my proffered grace, in taking upon thee to be a preacher of my righteousness, and denying the power thereof.  
Yet blessed Lord, so long as the judge doth not give order that the condemned prisoner be taken from the bar, the poor wretch cries for his precious life, saying, Mercy good my Lord judge, mercy for jesus Christ's sake.  
The name jesus, with an earthly Christian judge, cannot but be of great force, & must needs move him very much: for it is the name of his dear Saviour, the only name whereby he trusteth to be saved. But of all, and above all, the name jesus is most precious in thy sight, being not superstitiously parrated, but mournfully presented unto thee. Therefore though a thousand thousand several inditements be found against me, and though the laws of thy kingdom do condemn me; yet seeing that it is thy good pleasure, to suffer me to stand in thy presence, and not to be taken out of this world, I cry unto thee, saying; Mercy Lord God almighty, mercy for thine only begotten Sons sake, jesus Christ, God & man crucified: for the love of him, blessed Lord be merciful unto me the worst of all sinners. Amen. Amen.  
Towards evening I being punished with the hot passage of my water, painfulness about the left kidnie, and burning of the right foot, was much afraid of a deadly fit of the stone, and therefore prayed thus;  
O my good Lord, it is a most miserable state, for a man having spent his time in sin, to die before that he have in the way of repentance, done any service unto thee. This dolorous disease tormenteth me sore, and threateneth to kill me. O Lord, might it please thee in some measure to rebuke it, that I may live a while, and glorify thy grace in the zealous reformation of life; O how should I then be bound to praise thy blessed name!  
Me thinks I hear thee saying unto me; Thou vain man, that talkest so much, and makest so many doubts, wouldings, and wish, let me see thee once turn unto me, and then thou shalt know more of my mind: until then, all that thou sayest or dost is as nothing: Therefore make no more words, but turn speedily from sin whilst time serves, and say thou hast fair warning.  
O most gracious Lord, I have long had, and yet have, blessed be thy name, very fair warning; I will henceforth endeavour to turn unto thee, through jesus Christ. Amen.  
Thursdaie I began to sing a morning Psalm, which I purposed thenceforth to sing every morning, having also prepared an evening Psalm, to be sung unto the Lord God, after that I am once well entered into the practice of repentance.  

¶ Mine evening Psalm,  
to the Kentish tune.  

O Lord most high, and mighty God,  
I sinful wretched man,  
Confess to thee so hearty,  
as possibly I can.   

That marvelous exceeding great  
thy goodness is to me,  
Who have been always most unkind,  
and grievous unto thee.   

These very many years thou hast  
(a wonder it's to tell)  
Preserved my dying life, else I  
should now have been in hell.   

Even hitherto, O gracious God,  
thou hast upheld me still,  
Whom thou most justly mightst long since  
have left to Satan's will.   

What shall I therefore say, O Lord,  
to thee for thy goodness?  
O that my heart and tongue were fit  
thy goodness to confess!   

O God my poor and sinful soul  
most humbly sues to thee:  
That from this filthy wickedness,  
thou wilt once set me free.   

Now blessed Lord, free me I pray,  
free me for Christ his sake,  
That of thy mercies in him I  
my songs may ever make.   

Then will I praise thine holy name,  
for ever more and more,  
Withal my heart, soul, strength, & might,  
I will praise thee therefore.   

O Father, Son, and holy Ghost,  
All glory be to thee:  
To thee three persons in one God,  
one God in persons three.    

Thursday at dinner, I fell into much uncharitable speech concerning diverse folk: Therefore coming into my chamber, I confessed and prayed thus;  
O Lord, I have sinned against thee in speaking uncharitably of many people. Thou knowest that it is a common practice of most companies, in talking to shoot at rovers, and for lack of other marks, to spare neither the living, nor the dead. A cruel sin, and very foul in any, specially in a minister of thy Son Christ: for that gracious Lord was so far from speaking ill of others, that he had no mind to hear any body ill spoken of. Yea, he chose rather to busy himself in stooping down, and writing upon the ground with his finger, then to have nothing else to do, but to give ear unto a bad report; though it were never so true: joh. 8.6. O good Lord, pardon my wickedness, and give me grace to leave it, through jesus Christ thine only Son my Lord, and Saviour. Amen.  
That evening, I having not been out of doors a whole fortnight before, went forth to see Philip Aram, who was then new come home from London, and told me of the good health of my worshipful friend Mr. Richard Sedley of Southfleet in Kent; a gentleman endued with many virtues, specially devotion towards God, and charity towards the poor. And because I have taken occasion to speak of virtues, so rare in these evil, yet good-seeming days, I cannot forbear to commend unto men of worth, and worship, a very notable pattern of right gentry, Sir William Sedley the elder brother, whose equal in bountiful relieving of God's poor I never knew, and am much afraid that I never shall know. Foolish pride, unsatiable covetousness, and pampering gluttony, have banished hospitality, and utterly renounced liberality. Woe is me for them! How unlike themselves do many great ones live? Hurtful to how many? good to how few? The world is too too full of petty tyrants, whose judgement lingereth not, but followeth so fast upon them, that it overtaketh some before they die, and many in the next generation. If any ask, what reason I have in confessing my own sins, to ransack the faults of others? Mine answer is, I am, though most unworthy, a professed Preacher of righteousness, & therefore bound in conscience to do what I possibly can against sin. The day of mine account draweth very near, I have foolishly lost much precious time. Wherefore I am desirous to make all the use that may be of this small remnant. I humbly beseech all people, that in tender compassion of my great loss, and fearful danger, they will be pleased to bear with me, if I seem unto them to speak of any thing over-harshly, God Almighty knoweth that I hearty wish all good unto all people. Now I return to myself: I sat a while with my loving friend Philip Aram, and certain other, whether they took knowledge of any offence of mine, I know not. This I know, when I came home, my conscience found much fault in my behaviour, and therefore I was driven to cry God mercy for my forgetfulness of his allseeing, all-hearing presence.  
Friday, by reason of diverse which came unto me, I lost a great part of the day. Therefore at night I confessed and prayed thus: O most righteous Lord, I have this day not only lost my time, but also by occasion of company, indangred my weak body in drinking much between meals. I have also been a partaker of much idle, and uncharitable talk. I beseech thee to give me the grace to be truly turned from these and from all my sins, that I may be saved. Amen.  
Saturday about nine of the clock in the forenoon I prayed, as I think, more devoutly, and effectually then ever before. Among other words of complaint touching my state, I spoke thus; There is no possibility, no likelihood of repentance in me, being within myself so accustomed to sin, & without so holden unto it by the world. How can I have any hope to arise out of the hell of sin, seeing that I have these twenty years and more assayed, and assayed to arise, and still always fallen down again? Yet O Lord, there is hope in thee, though none in me. Vouchsafe to make an end of my sinning, whatsoever become of me. My duty is to crave mercy of thee. Good Lord, I crave it: good Lord vouchsafe to give it for thy tender mercy's sake: for thy dear Son jesus Christ's sake, etc.  
At dinner, I spoke my mind touching a matter which concerned me not. Also I spoke too far. Therefore coming into my chamber, I confessed, and prayed thus;  
O my good Lord, I have doubly offended, in meddling with other folks business, & in speaking beyond the compass which any whom it concerneth aught to have kept himself within. Good Lord convert me, and forgive me, Amen.  
The 17. of july, being Sabbath, I was in the morning sore tormented with the strangury; yet by the goodness of God, in the forenoon I preached. Also after dinner I went and prayed with an old aged good woman, widow Milborne, the mother of my faithful friend Ralph Milborne deceased. At evening prayer after the second lesson, I asked a youth three or four questions touching a foundation-point of religion, and briefly made plain his answers. After all this, I was in great danger of a relapse; for I was entreated to go thither, where I should very grievously have displeased God, and that through mine own wickedness. But by the grace of God, much against mine own will, I refused to go.  
Whereas I made mention of my faithful friend Ralph Milborne, I entreat the gentle reader, and hearer to take knowledge from me of certain notable properties that were in him very plainly to be seen. He was religious towards God, and that not by way of schism, dissension I mean, but in peace. He loved his minister, yea he loved all ministers that were for the present state of the Church, and of conscionable behaviour. He was dutifully kind unto his aged parents: for he sustained them both until his father's death, than his mother until his own death, and by his will took order for her maintenance so long as it should please God to give her the continuance of life. At his death he gave portions unto many brothers, and sisters, & to a many of their children. He was of behaviour very temperate, discreet, and patiented. He was far from the disposition to drink, and domineer in taverns, and alehouses: he did often chide me, because I was sometimes forward to go, and other times easy to be drawn unto such places.  
It were pity that the memory of these virtues should have been buried with him: for I knew hardly any one of his rank every way for goodness matchable with him. Some may be ready enough to commend themselves, though an indifferent man shall have much ado to find any thing that is worthy of commendation in them. Therefore at his burial I took this text, Prou. 20.6. Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?  
Wednesday the 20. of julie, I was so beyond measure tormented in the water passage, and so burned in the soles of my feet, that I was forced to stand barefooted, and bare-legged: yea, having a vessel of new drink standing by me, with a bag of purging powder in it, (for my body could not else be kept from deadly costiveness) I drank glass after glass, kneeling upon my knees, and calling very lamentably upon the name of God. They that at any time have drunk healths kneeling, had they seen me upon my knees, weeping and praying, and drinking, would have been terrified from that barbarous fashion of theirs.  
Friday the 22. of julie, I was in the afternoon taken with a deadly pain upon my left side, and therewithal an extreme windy faintness oppressed the lower parts of my breast, so that mine heart was continually ready to fail. This held me until it was well nigh midnight, I lying full of pain, and calling upon the name of the Lord. Then had I some rest until morning, and then it began again. This prayer I oftentimes made unto the Lord while I was in torment;  
O most gracious God, if it be thy good pleasure, that I shall in most humble and zealous repentance, glorify thy name, vouchsafe for jesus Christ's sake to rebuke this my disease. But if it please thee not to make that use of me, because I am most exceedingly unworthy, and unfit to do thee any acceptable service; then most blessed Lord, withdraw thine hand from me, and let me die. For why should we live any longer to displease, and dishonour thee, and to cause any more evil unto my brother; and sisters the children of Adam? Holy Lord, yet I hearty wish glory unto thy name, and all good unto thy people. So I bequeath myself unto thy pleasure. My sin be destroyed, thy will be done, and blessed for ever be thy name. Amen. Amen.  
Towards night I felt some ease in my side, and breast; but was pained in my kidneys.  
The four and twentieth of july, being sabbath, one supplied my place at Church, and I kept at home. That day some came unto me, with whom I fell in talk, and by that means forgot both the presence of God, and the holiness of the day.  
Monday morning I was sore tormented, so that my feet burned very painfully; specially the right foot. I drank great plenty of small beer, and yet burned still. In this sore torment, I prayed thus;  
O the fountain of right goodness, kindness, and mercy, I the most heinous of all thine enemies upon earth, in this my grievous misery, have none to fly unto for help but only thee. O holy Lord, I have sinned against thee: I have sinned; O I have sinned, and most unsufferably provoked thine Almighty majesty, to destroy me with most wrathful vengeance. And do I now in my self-wrought misery come a begging to thee for ease? yea blessed Lord, for I have no whether else to go: & therefore I throw myself down before thy face humbly crying thee mercy, and saying; O righteous Lord, here lieth thine enemy, a great traitor to thy kingdom, and glory, craving mercy at thy most merciful hands, and beseeching thee, not only to pardon me thine own vengeance, but also to relieve me in this tormenting misery, which I in sinning against thee have brought upon myself, even by the wicked disordering and distempering of my body. Again, me thinks thou sayest unto me; Ah thou wretched man, do not I show thee great mercy in sustaining thy dying life, and calling thee unto me? Why dost not thou come nearer unto me? why dost thou not continually set me before thy face, and submit thyself unto my pleasure? Thou knowest thou art short of this, and therefore if thou expectest grace from me, come nearer unto me; for thou art yet too far off to receive comfort into thy soul.  
O my Lord God, I come; draw me, and I will come: I will continually mind thee, fear thee, and call upon thee. Amen.  
Thursday the 28. of july, I being horribly tormented, prayed thus;  
O most gracious God, thou seest that this painful, and loathsome disease, will greatly hinder me in thy service. O therefore that it would please thee to ease me of it, and to lay some other judgement upon me so great as this, but not so shameful, and hinderous. Me thinks I hear thee say yet again;  
I tell thee thou sinner, when thy service pleaseth me, my grace shall be every way sufficient for thee.  
Most holy Lord, this I verily believe: therefore in the name of jesus Christ henceforth I will wholly endeavour to please thee. Amen.  
The last day of julie, being Sabbath, though I was sore tormented, I had no remedy, but needs must preach myself: for neither was I provided of any supply, and a Churchwarden came to tell me, the parish took it in displeasure that I myself performed not my duty. That day I preached twice, to the great hurt of my body, which appeared by many little shreds of skin which came from me in my water.  
Monday the first of August, such a drowsy windy weakness hung upon me, specially in my breast and head, that many times I was ready to fall, and had much ado to stand: a painful sleepiness was still coming upon me, whether I did read or write. Monday night I being in bed, and fallen into a slumber, I was so strangely taken as never before: Some thing seemed to be upon my back, & so to press me down, that my face was held hard to the pillow, and much wind broke out at the right ear. Being very troublously waked, I called upon my good Lord for mercy. I perceived a shivering windiness offering to arise out of my thighs. I took this by overforcing myself in preaching upon the Sabbath day, if I be not much deceived. It pleased God, that afterward I had some quiet rest: but towards morning the cruel strangury came upon me. Alas, that there is no remedy for such a filthy tormenting disease! a Physician writing unto me, among other words, said thus; Know that your disease is incurable.  
The seventh of August being Sabbath, my disease still tormenting me, I prayed, and vowed thus;  
O most holy, and righteous, good, and gracious Lord God, I the most foul and filthy sinner of all the world, do here make a complaint of myself unto thy glorious and blessed majesty, that I am not fit to live in thy sight, much less to serve thee in the gospel of thy Son; because I do not walk with thee, nor keep myself in thy company, as thy servants do. O be merciful unto me I beseech thee: I have heretofore made many vows, that I would enforce myself to wait upon thee. But woe is me I have not kept them: now I most humbly pray thee, that all my former vows may be shut up in this which I am minded to make unto thee. And this it is; This day two several preachers will supply my place: I beseech thee to bless them with holy matter, hallowed affections, powerful utterance, & good success. If I do not from this day forward, very conscionably endeavour to hold myself to the practice of my four Rules, I will the next Sabbath day quite put myself out of the ministery; yea, and openly profess unto the world, that therefore I do it, because my conscience doth certainly judge me not to be fit to preach the Gospel. Good Lord, this is my vow. If I either reform myself from this day forward, or for default thereof, leave the ministery, I break not my vow. If I do neither the one, nor the other, let me be everlastingly forsaken of jesus Christ. If I conscionably reform myself by thy grace, and so continue with thy favour in the ministery, O that thou wilt be merciful unto me touching this horrible disease. Then shall I holily and wholly betake myself to serve thee, as mine hearts desire is to do. If I reform not myself, and therefore, as my vow requireth, leave the ministery, I ask no more, but the destruction of my sin to thy good pleasure and glory. Now blessed Lord, I offer up this vow unto thee for an everlasting deed, and thereunto unchangeably say, Amen. Be it never changed, but ever in force between thy blessed Majesty and me. Amen.  
That day some came unto me, and what with one matter, what with an other, caused me to talk at random, as though I had not been in the company of God. When they were gone, I cried God mercy, & promised to be more mindful of his presence, and fearful of his displeasure. At night some came to me again, and talking of many things, moved me to pass my bounds, but not so much as before: yet all this while I was not entered into my vowed practice. This I did fully persuade myself, that if I could in company be mindful of God, and shun the displeasing of his majesty, I were in a very fair forwardness of reformation.  
Monday the eight of August, I held myself unto my prayers and business carefully, thinking how I should avoid the great danger of company, and talking: I prayed unto the Lord thus;  
O good Lord, thou seest that my disposition is hardened in sin, and most untoward unto thy service: Thou seest also how apt other folk are to further mine untowardness, to hinder my repentance. I beseech thee, that for thine only sons sake, thou wilt powerfully break me from mine untowardness, & prepare me in thy fear to shun the manifold wickedness which is one way, or another caused by companying and talking. Blessed Lord, true it is, as I take harm by others, so they take harm by me: for thy mercy's sake be merciful unto us, and keep us from causing any harm one to another. Amen. Aman.  
Between ten and eleven of the clock, there came some unto me about a matter of unkindness between certain parties; which had not then been called into question, if I had concealed a report which in writing was given unto me, and which I was very confidently willed to show unto whom I would. It is likely that many an one would have thought himself well warranted to show it, specially if it had concerned him so nearly as it did me. I showed it not, but only told a certain part of it, which caused the coming of those men unto me. After that we had talked of the business, and they were gone, I confessed, and prayed thus unto God;  
O most gracious Lord, I did evil in receiving that paper, and worse in speaking of any thing written in it. I beseech thee to pardon me, and to give grace that I may never hereafter speak any thing of that matter, but only my bounden thanks & praise unto thee, through jesus Christ thy Son, my Lord and Saviour. Amen.  
In the afternoon upon occasion I prayed thus;  
O most gracious Lord, thou seest that by thy goodness I go not out to seek company: I perceive it is great folly so to do. If any come unto me, and enter into frivolous talk, I cannot tell what I should do. Thy spirit saith, that in the multitude of words, there wanteth not sin, Pro. 10.19. And what great loss of precious time cometh unto men by vain idle communication, I know by experience to my great grief. Most merciful Lord, thou having brought me thus far, and broken me from seeking company, from joining in empty words, vouchsafe to magnify thy mercy, in making me to prevail against this impediment, and all others, that I may everlastingly praise thy name therefore, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour. Amen.  
Tuesdaie morning, the strangury pained me very grievously, and my feet were in such an extreme heat, that I was forced to stand barefooted. In this burning torment I prayed, O most mighty, and most merciful Lord God, my Maker, and Saviour, of thy most tender compassion, & most excellent mercy, vouchsafe I beseech thee, to ease me of this filthy tormenting disease & lay upon me in stead thereof what cross, what judgement thou wilt. Me thinks thou sayest; Thou foolish man, put away thy folly, draw near unto me, and I will draw near unto thee.  
O good Lord, blessed be thy name. In the name of jesus Christ I will draw near unto thee: I will henceforth be always very mindful that I am before thy face: nothing in the world, no not any company, shall put me out of that thought. Being in company, so often as I perceive my mind to turn itself from waiting upon thee, I will presently break out into these words; Fie upon me! what a forgetful fool am I? Good Lord forgive me, and correct me. Then if any ask the reason, why I spoke those words, I will very plainly tell it. Most gracious Lord, give me grace thus to do, and bless me in so doing, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour, Amen.  
The stairs to my chamber are the coming up unto three other chambers. So oft as I heard the noise of any bodies feet coming up the stairs, I was very fearful that some or other were coming unto me, and as glad if I heard them go by the door to any of the other chambers. How men may judge of this, I know not; but my conscience doth assuredly certify me how the Lord God judgeth of it.  
That forenoon some company came to me, & stayed long: wherefore though I in some sort looked to my soul, yet could I not avoid bodily hurt: for I having, to ease my pain, taken much drink before the company came, being forced painfully to hold my water, when they were gone, there came such things from out of my body, as if many skins within were peeled off. Wherefore I fully persuaded myself, that I was possessed with a windy fretting inflammation, which of necessity must very shortly kill me; and that, as I thought most likely, by the perishing of my bladder. In the afternoon I prayed thus:  
Most blessed Lord, very true it is, that the door of heaven is in comparison much less than the eye of a needle. An entrance there is: but most hardly to be gotten. The beginning of an unfeigned godly life, is the hardest work in all the world. Then what meaneth Christ in saying that his yoke is easy, and his burden light? His meaning is, that true repentance, and right faith, do ease, and lighten a loaden conscience. There is no remedy but sin must needs be put off; else there is no salvation, no heaven to be had. Woe is me! How can a blackmoor put off his blackness? It is unpossible. Yea; but thy Son hath told, us, that all things are possible with thee. True it is, O Lord, I believe it. But the question is, what thou wilt do? Therefore with the poor leper I say unto thee, O Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. The Spirit answereth me saying; To day if thou wilt hear his voice, harden not thy heart.  
I must strive to unharden mine heart in obeying thy word, which word thou hast graciously made known unto me, to the end that I should obey it in putting off my sin. But if knowing thy will I continue disobedient to thee, O what a most dreadful measure of everlasting vengeance shall speedily fall upon me! O Lord, none can unharden mine heart, but only thou. Then how can I unbarden it? If thou ever unharden it: thou wilt make me to unharden it; for thou workest the will, and the deed in them that shall be saved. They must will, and do that which is pleasing unto thee. The power to will, and do it, they must have from thee. Therefore thy servant Paul adviseth us to work out our salvation with fear, and trembling; that is, awfully, and carefully to use the means which thou hast appointed, that so thy grace may work in us obedience unto thy will, which is the only way of salvation. Good Lord, in thy sons name I will strive to use the means which thou hast appointed for the breaking of mine hard heart. Blessed be thy name: I think no man, or woman in all the world can have more warning to deny himself, and hasten repentance then I have. To thy mercy and good pleasure I wholly betake myself, through jesus Christ. Amen. Amen.  
Wednesday morning I was very tormentingly pained in the water passage, and therefore prayed thus;  
O blessed Lord God, this soul disease tormenteth me very sore: O that it may be pleasing unto thy most glorious goodness, even in such measure to ease me of this disease, as by thy grace I will from this time forward deny myself, and give glory unto thy truth!  
Me thinks thou sayest, Go to then. See that thou conscionably deny thyself, putting thy whole trust in me. And for thy comfort, thou shalt be sure to find these my words true; I am merciful. My mercy is upon them that fear me.  
Most gracious Lord, blessed be thy name. I believe thy words. And now through the grace of jesus Christ, I will steadfastly set myself to deny myself. O Lord, be merciful unto me, that I may thoroughly do it. And then thy will be done. Amem.  
About an hour after I had so prayed unto God, my pain of the spleen came upon me, in such sort that mine eyes were much dazzled, mine heart deadly vexed, my limbs faintly wearied. Being in this state, I prayed thus;  
O good Lord, what shall I do? This my deathful body cannot possibly hold out, nor be serviceable unto thee in any good measure, according to my calling. O my good Lord, what shall I do? I have no warrant to expect any extraordinary relieving of my body. And this deadlines putteth my poor soul out of comfort. Me thinks thou sayest;  
Let thy soul be steadfastly, & uprightly bend to serve me, for so it shall receive comfort from me. Touching thy body, do me what service thou canst, and betake it unto me to dispose thereof, as I see good. By grieving at thy diseasednes, thou makest it to be worse. Therefore be only zealous against thy sins, the cause of all thy misery. But take heart of grace, and sustain thy weak spirit hath assured confidence of my mercy towards thee.  
O my good Lord, most wonderful in mercy, and Almighty in power, with all humble thankfulness I receive these words from thee. My soul is certainly persuaded that thy purpose towards me is according to those words. Blessed Lord, it grieveth me that I have so long displeased, & dishonoured thee, and now am quite disabled, that I can do thee no service; because my body is full of death. Yet according to thy commandment, I will through thy grace wholly bend my spirit to serve thee. And what service my dying body can perform, I will put it unto, betaking myself every way to thy good pleasure, and most holy will. Amen.  
That day in the afternoon I was tormented, yet, let me say the truth, in a manner, as it were underhand, succoured and sustained. My back was about, and below the kidneys very sore: which made me fearful of a fit of the stone, which from the last November I had not.  
It came many times into my mind, to admonish all sorts of people, to leave the most common taking of God's name in vain, in prating, and swearing, and cursing. O if any that is given unto that horrible sin, knew how dear and precious use I am driven to make of God's name, when in hellish torment, specially at, and after the making of water; I have none other help in all the world, but to cry out saying, O Lord, o God, o jesus Christ, etc.,  
Whosoever you are that shall read, or hear this, stay a little while I pray you. Bethink yourself well, whether the time will not come, you know not how soon, wherein you shall be forced to call upon God for present help? yea, you ought to call upon him every day, every hour: for your life, and all that you have, or hope to have, is at his mercy. In the turning of a hand he can take all that is good from you, & turn you away into all manner of misery. Then if it stand upon his pleasure, what shall become of you, and specially when you are in adversity, or anguish, whether you shall be relieved yea, or no? follow my counsel, keep his name in store, and by no means endure to write, or speak it in any idle fashion, much less in swearing, & tearing, and cursing, like a limb of the devil. What man is so mad, that having a most precious restorative, able to cure him of any disease, will hurl it into the dust, fling it against the walls, or tread it under his feet? No, you would lay it most charily, as a most special treasure, whereby you may in time of need help yourself, or your friend. O then consider, that of all restoratives, the name of God passes, and excels. For it is a sovereign remedy against all evils, both of soul, and body. Therefore the Psalm saith, Psal. 124.8. Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  
In few words, take this for certain; If you mean to have help in the name of God, use it like a most precious restorative. Make not an idle word of it, take it not in vain, lest when you have need to call upon it; you call in vain, because the Lord remembers that you made a vain idle word of his name.  
That evening, I did but walk a little in my chamber, & it made my water bloody: what a miserable state am I in?  
Thursday morning, a matter that I read gave me occasion, to consider of an offence which many in Derbie lately took, by the leaving out of the Cross at the baptizing of a child. True it is, that I never left out that sign, nor ever will leave it, until the Church give warrant: Yet this I must needs confess,  
A many people think that baptism is not perfect without the sign of the Cross. Yea more, They think that there is some holy virtue in it.  
The judgement of God is a great deep. But the commanding will of God, is in his word very plain. He would not have poor people to believe that holiness is there to be had, where it is not.  
They which first devised any ceremony without ground of God's word, how good soever their intent was, little knew what inconvenience would in process of time grow thereupon.  
Did you never see a house so full of smoke that a man might sooner have been stifled, and blinded, then well warmed? That is typhos superstition, that is the religion of many rude people.  
If any say, it is to be required that such people have good instruction; I say again, what instruction are they like to have, whose guides are either unable to instruct themselves, or suffered to be otherwise employed.  
I once heard Bishop Barlowe say that, touching higher places, which is too, too general, and extendeth, in my simple observation, far further than he intended it. His speech in effect was thus;  
The time was, that fit men were sought for: But now, there is not such need; because many proffer themselves.  
How it is in the higher region, I know not. But in the lower, it is commonly thus. And so long as it is thus, a fool may prophecy that sound holiness is not likely to thrive.  
In the afternoon my strangury was very keen, my right foot burned with a painful heat: yet, see the goodness of God, still a way is made that I may endure it; even when I am ready to cry out, because of deadly torment. I am fully persuaded, that had not this disease come upon me, yea and prevailed more and more, even to the putting of me quite out of all hope of recovery, I should never have been divorced and separated from the love of this world. Notwithstanding all that is yet done, sin cleaveth unto my soul like bird-lime. I have a world of trouble within myself, to master the old settled rebellious thoughts of my heart, which are so sturdy, and so devilish, specially one, my most natural sin, that were it not for the very grace of God in jesus Christ, I should be quite out of all hope of subduing them. Let me come into company, and there is such an uproar in mine heart, that whatsoever I can do, is all too little to keep it from breaking out into open rebellion against God. Whosoever being an old sinner, doth put himself into the continual conscionable practice of repentance, he shall plainly perceive the sins of his heart, to be like unto a company of desperate rebels besieged in a castle, yield they will not, until they be famished out. They have succour from the remembrance, and from corrupted imagination, from the outward senses, specially the eyes, and the ears: and who can say how full of temptations the world is, temptations fitted to work upon the sight, and the hearing. It is well worth observation, for any man that knoweth white from black, and sin from grace, to mark when he comes in company with any, how soon the several wicked corruptions, which are both in him, and in the other, will conspire together to betray them both, & to make them sin against God, at least in a deal of idle talk. I cannot call to mind that ever I was in company with any, and drawn into a familiar communication, but that I was also drawn into sin. Yea, but some will say, idle talk is a venial sin (wherein they may plead S. Gregory's authority in his dialogues, lib. 4. cap. 39 and so make a purgatory matter of it) and therefore shall never be called into question. O how apt are we to deceive ourselves! Doth not our Lord jesus very plainly say these words? Matth. 12.36. But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give an account thereof in the day of judgement: 37. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.  
If in the day of judgement we shall be tried, whether we be fit to be saved or condemned even by our words, and if every idle world shall then be brought in question, it behoveth them that would be saved, to make more conscience of their talk, than the prating practice of this world affordeth.  
Certainly old Nicholas Denuse said very truly,  
Of much speaking, come many evils, specially three, the loss of consideration, the dulling of devotion, and the multiplying of sin.  
I have time, and time perceived the truth of Denuses words in mine own self. Yea, even in preaching when I have been more word-full than needs, (which such shallow preachers as I am be driven to, for lack of matter, the more pity, that people should be fed with wind) those three evils have come upon me.  
It may be asked, what counsel I would out of my poor experience give unto weak ministers? Upon my conscience in the sight of God this I say; Some go for ministers, which are not capable of that knowledge which a minister of the Gospel necessarily should have.  
The parish where such a one is, should wholly join together, householders, men-servants, women-servants, and all that have any thing in the world to give, for the allowing of him so much yearly maintenance to leave the ministery, as he hath by continuing in it; yea and for the assuring of it unto him for the term of his life. This is much: but the salvation of any one soul in the parish, is much more. And where an unable minister is, certainly many a soul is in great danger. If some should in love of their salvation, put themselves to this charges, he that hath title to give the benefice, may put in such an other: for it is too well known that many Patrons (so they are called that give benefices) are very corrupt, and have no feeling of conscience in that business. O that they knew what a huge measure of God's vengeance they pull upon themselves, and upon their house? Sir, whosoever you are, know this for a certain, the Son of God hath a Nisi prius against you, to be tried at the great assizes of the world. Then shall come forth many poor souls cast away by means of your corruption, and they shall cry out upon you before the face of God, Angels, and men, saying, O Lord, this is he that hath caused our damnation; for he put upon us a man to be our minister that had not the grace of ministration in him.  
I undertake upon mine uttermost peril, that if faithful inquiry be made, diverse such corruptions shall be found in Derbieshier; yea gentlemen sharing with the minister in things dedicated unto the Gospel's maintenance. O base! more base, and vile then to rob by the high way side.  
Those Ministers which are capable of competent knowledge, but yet have it not, I would humbly entreat, that above all other business whatsoever, they will give themselves in the fear of God, most hungerly and thirstily to study for it. Though I entered not into the ministery until the third year after I was bachelor of art, which I confess was too too soon, and though that learned College, so I dare say, Emanuel in Cambridge, did in such favourable manner approve me, that my grace to commence Master of Arts was passed in the house before I knew it, or thought of it, but I never went to commence; yet was I glad, God knows, to toil myself night and day; else that lowest degree of sufficiency, which by God's mercy I have, I should never have had. I have been forced to renew my knowledge of logic, the Art of understanding again, and again, and yet am far short of perfection. He that is ignorant of this Art, I cannot devise how he may be an understanding Minister. In the Latin tongue I was not very perfect, yet somewhat ready. But to get a little smack, in that learned language the Greek, mine eyes have foregone much sleep, and been made to smart very often. Into the language of Chanaan, the Hebrew, I have so little sight as may be; yet it cost me some labour, and expense withal. By these pains I have obtained, God being merciful unto me, this profit; I can make a shift to understand many learned Authors that have written books very helpful for him which studieth Divinity. Thus I am only able to abide the Church's trial, and to pass for a sufferable minister; if sanctification be not wanting. If any unable minister, being capable of knowledge, did but perceive first his own want, and then the comfort which my soul takes in this lowest degree of ability, which through God's great mercy I have attained unto, he would enforce himself night and day, to get knowledge, & so be quickly gone beyond me. I would withal mine heart that I being no less able than I am, as sufferably I can not be, were in ability ministerial the very lowest of all the ministers in this Land. It grieves me to consider, that some are not only unable, which they shall find to be misery too much, but also, which is much more miserable, confidently persuaded of their sufficiency.  
I kept myself in some small measure of good order all that week, much what by shunning unnecessary company.  
But my terrible disease increased upon me, and so tormented me, that the fourteenth of August, being Sabbath, by drinking much new ale to ease my pain, I almost overthrew myself, and was sore afraid lest I should have failed in my ministration. Yet, see thee admirable goodness of God I preached in the forenoon: and in the afternoon went sick, and swooning ripe into the pulpit, so that I betook myself to the pleasure of God by way of preparation for some dismal success; yea, before I spoke any word, I secretly said thus unto my Lord,  
Blessed Lord God, make way for thine own good pleasure, and glory, and do what thou wilt unto me; spare me not: Yet, I say again, see the most wonderful goodness of God there were diverse of good judgement, yea and a Preacher, who, I verily believe, will say, they never heard me preach more effectully, nor with a more constant voice; I must, and by God's grace will, knowing mine own exceeding weakness, acknowledge it to be a gracious favour of God.  
In the morning I being so sore pained, that I could not endure either to read that which I had prepared to preach, or to think upon it, did devoutly promise unto the Lord, that in zeal of his glory, I would not fail to put myself unto open shame, for every sin which thenceforth I should openly commit in word or deed. Yea, I said thus much unto him,  
That open sin which I shall wittingly let pass, without open confession, do thou never forgive.  
I do humbly crave aid of every Christian which shall read, or hear this. As my disease is very tormenting, so my state is too too uncomfortable. Eccles. 4.10. Woe to him that is alone, when he falleth: for he hath not another to help him up.  
I must sit, and endure my grief with silence. For to whom shall I complain? Or what shall I ease myself by complaining? The proverb is not more old than true; Every man is for himself, and God for all. If the latter part held not very true, I were woebegone: for the first is too true. But what aid do I crave of the Reader, or hearer? I beseech you that even for the love of Christ, and Christianity, you will very earnestly entreat our Lord God to be merciful unto me, and if it may possibly stand with his holy will, to grant me ease of this irksome torment. Amen. Amen.  
That Sabbath day at night, I having somewhat more conscionably kept that Sabbath day then ever before, praised God thus;  
O most merciful Father, with all mine heart I humbly thank thee for this very little entracne into the way of salvation. Good Lord, my soul is yet wretchedly tangled in sin. Free me for thy mercy's sake, and humble me to the very uttermost that may be, through jesus Christ thine only Son, my Lord and Saviour. Amen. Amen.  
Then also I began to sing mine evening Psalm: which is not in double meeter, as that unto whose tune I have set it; because I neither had leisure, nor mind to be so curious.   

¶ Mine evening Psalm,  
to the tune of All people that on earth do dwell.  

O God that art most wonderful,  
the fountain of all blessedness,  
I most unfit to sing to thee,  
yet needs thy mercy must confess.   

Needs must I, for I am most bound,  
therefore O Lord, I thee entreat,  
For to prepare mine heart and tongue,  
thy mercies duly to repeat.   

So soon as I into this world  
by birth was borne, thou causedst me  
To be baptised in thy Name  
In sign of my delivery.   

Delivery from Satan's thrall,  
and from the house of bondage hell,  
That with thee, and with thy Christ,  
in everlasting bliss might dwell.   

And when I was of age to learn,  
thou didst acquaint me with thy grace,  
Moving mine heart to turn from sin,  
and thy salvation to embrace.   

But I most foolishly did love  
this world, and gave myself to sin,  
Deferring time from day to day,  
and to repent would not begin.   

Yet notwithstanding all my sin,  
and manifold iniquity,  
Yea such most heinous wickedness  
as always did for vengeance cry.   

So great thy mercy was to me,  
that thou wouldst not my soul forsake,  
But patiently didst use all means,  
to save me from the burning lake.   

And now at last with much ado,  
a little I am turned from sin;  
A little, very small it is,  
I do repentance but begin.   

Yet Lord my soul doth trust, that thou  
wilt small beginning not despise,  
But grant me grace turning to thee  
by small degrees for to arise.   

So be it O most gracious God,  
be it even so for Christ his sake,  
I do believe, therefore I speak,  
thy child, I trust, thou wilt me make.   

O Father, Son, and holy Ghost,  
thou only God, and Lord of all,  
Thy name be blessed evermore  
of all thy creatures great and small.   

Amen, Amen, Amen say I,  
God's name for ever blessed be:  
O heaven, o earth, o creatures all,  
say ye Amen, Amen with me.    

I most hearty desire, that every one that hath not more experience in devotion than I, will take this my counsel,  
Accustom yourself to pray, & to sing oftentimes unto God; let your prayer, and song, be such matters as is fitting for one in your state to speak unto God, whether it be confession of sins, begging of pardon, and cleansement from sin, or thanksgiving, etc. And that which you speak unto the Lord by way of praying, or singing, let it not only be word of mouth, but lift up the thought of your heart, and think every word directly unto God, as you would do, if you did see his glorious majesty with your bodily eyes. Be well assured, and steadfastly minded that he looks full upon you, and marketh all your behaviour; yea and above all things, taketh most heedful insight of your thought, and affection: for longer than you steadfastly think upon him, your words in prayer please him not, and unless your desire be very earnest, he will not regard your petition. Therefore enforce your mind to think very intendingly upon God, and labour to have an hungry and thirsty desire of that which you pray for. You see that I have often set down the word, Amen; yea, and sometime doubled it: My reason is, because I would be very earnest, and effectually fervent in my desire. Our Saviour showeth us, how earnest and importunate we should be in praying unto God: I pray you consider his words, 
Luk. 11.5.— Which of you having a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves:  
6. For a friend of mine in his journey is come unto me, & I have nothing to set before him.  
7. And he from within shall answer, and say, Trouble me not, the door is now shut, and my children are with me in in bed: I cannot rise and give thee.  
8. I say unto you, though he will not rise, and give him, because he is his friend; yet because of his importunity he will rise, and give him so many loaves as he needeth.   
Our Lord's meaning is, that as many a man in his necessity will have no denial, but is so importunately earnest, that the party to whom he maketh suit, hath no other way to be quiet, but only by granting his request; so ought we to behave ourselves in prayer to God, most vehemently crying unto him for mercy, and ever and anon praying again and again, as Christ himself did in the garden, not ceasing until he do, as certainly he will, show himself very merciful unto us.  
If we ought to pray so earnestly, and so often, woe is my heart for many a poor soul, that seldom or never prayeth, but when he is laid down in his bed: and then saith his Paternoster and Creed, between sleeping & waking; making none other reckoning but this, that the very bare saying of those things, serves the turn. Surely it is Popery that hath brought the world to this senseless state, by teaching folk to pray in an unknown tongue, and to say prayers by set number and tale, as folk buy and sell apples and pears.  
When I was a child, I now and then lay with some elder body, who being in bed, would begin to say the Lords prayer, & by and by slumber, then awake and begin again, and presently fall asleep again. If this be true, as I take the Lord God to witness that very true it is, what doth it show? Surely this, that the common sort of people run snuggling all day after their worldly business, and then at night kennel up themselves like so many bruit beasts, little or never a whit minding that which they should principally intend, their conversion from sin, and their reasonable understanding, serving of God, in all that they think, say, or do.  
Whosoever is in this slumbering state, I beseech you that for God's sake, you will awaken your soul, and do as the Lord jesus willeth you: Matth. 6.33. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and then all other necessaries shall be added unto you.  
The things of this world, are like unto the vantage which many times is given into a bargain. Therefore let your chief care be, to make sure your salvation, and then your good heavenly Father will not suffer you to lack any thing that is good for you. O I pray you believe it, and build upon it; for he hath given his word and promise: Hear him what he saith, Heb. 13.5.— I will not leave thee, nor forsake thee.  
Accustom yourselves, as I said before, to pray often and earnestly unto God, and by the grace of jesus Christ, you shall find that he will most graciously and kindly acquaint himself with your soul. O then, you will remember these my words; & say, Now God's blessing light upon that same poor minister, which gave me this counsel: I would not that I had miss it for all that this whole world is worth: yea, you will most hearty praise the Lord God, that it pleased him, by so simple a man as I am, to set you into the way of unutterable blessedness.  
By no means suffer your private prayers to be heard of others: for than it is a hundred to one, that the devil, and the privy pride of your own heart, will mar all, and make your devotions loathsome in the sight of God. If you be an housekeeper, and have a wife, or any child, or servant, use to pray together with them daily, unless you mean to make them heathen people, such as have none acquaintance with God. This matter is so far out of request, that many will laugh them to scorn which pray with their household: whereby a man of any understanding, may consider into what a wretched state the world is come.  
Now Christian soul whosoever you are, the grace & mercy of God be with you for ever. Thus much I am exceedingly desirous to have printed before I die. If God vouchsafe to give any increase of life and grace, you may be sure, that I will do what I can to acquaint you with it. The will of God be done, and blessed be his Name for evermore. Amen.    
FINIS.