CERTAIN SELECT DIALOGVES OF LUCIAN: TOGETHER WITH HISTRVE HISTORY, Translated from the Greek into English  
By Mr FRANCIS HICKES.  
Whereunto is added the life of LUCIAN gathered out of his own Writings, with brief Notes and Illustrations upon each Dialogue and Book, by T. H. Mr of Arts of Christ-Church in Oxford.  
OXFORD, Printed by WILLIAM TURNER. 1634.   

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL Dr DUPPA, DEANE of Christ-Church, and Vicechancellor of the famous University of Oxford.  
SIR,  
PArdon, I beseech You, this bold presumption, which proceed I confess from somewhat more than that common duty wherewith all of Us gladly reverence and respect You: not that I arrogate unto myself any interest before others, but confess myself so fare indebted to your favours, that my thankfulness cannot willingly omit the occasion of expressing itself, although but in a mean and homely manner, unto one, to whom I not only acknowledge, but glory that I own myself. This hath emboldened me to the dedication of these few Dialogues, which will I hope, at some of your times of recreation, obtain a favourable admittance, partly for the general esteem of the Author; with whom I know, your younger studies have been conversant, and somewhat for the Translators sake, one not altogether unknown unto you, that to my knowledge truly honoured you, and whom you may better know in this, than many that were well acquainted with him in his life time, in both which respects these Dialogues humbly implore your patronage, as one most able both to judge and defend them, which if you will vouchsafe, and suffer this poor orphan to pass under the shadow of Your favourable protection, I shall account that small pains I have taken in publishing it happily employed, the ashes of my dear deceased father highly honoured, and myself (if it be possible) more obliged to a perpetual acknowledgement of Your favours, and profession of myself for ever to remain  
Yours in all dutiful observance TH. HICKES.   

TO THE HONEST AND JUDICIOUS READER.  
FOr unto any prejudice I scorn either Epistle or Apology. yet such men will be meddling, and though they disdain perhaps to read, will notwithstanding be sure to judge, and let them: 'tis a fair way of proceeding, as they think, but brings with it the comfort of being common, nor may I expect to escape their good word, though I direct nothing to them, but unto you I stand bound to give an account of what I have done, and of the reason that incited me unto it. In brief then, that principal motive that caused me to publish this Translation, was, to perform herein the pious duty of a surviving son unto the dear memory of a deceased father: who as he was a true lover of Scholars, and Learning, (especially of this kind) will I doubt not find favourable entertainment amongst those that are conversant in these studies, and bear affection to the Greek tongue. He was indeed no professed scholar nor taken any more than one degree in this famous University, having been sometimes of Oriell College: but yet although he were taken off by a country retirement, he never lost the true taste and relish that distinguishes men of this education, but rather made continual improvement of that nutriment which he had received in his younger days, from the breasts of this his honoured mother. His study or rather his recreation, was chiefly in the Greek tongue, and of his knowledge herein he hath left unto the world sufficient testimonies, of which these present Dialogues are a part, and these with diverse other things of his performance, being at this time in my custody, I supposed I could not do him more right, nor his friends and mine better satisfaction (whose desires herein challenge a second motive) than to give them free liberty, and suffer him by this means to propagate his own memory, which may chance to last longer in this small monument of his own raising (or in some larger hereafter) than in the hardest marble posterity can erect him. What I have added here, is not worth speaking of, much less the censuring: Only let me say thus much, to defend my own innocence from the black mouthed obloquy of such as can speak no other colour, that in the Author's life I have not gone about (fare be your charities from such a thought) to acquit him from any of those villainies and blasphemous impieties wherewith he hath been truly charged; but so fare to vindicate these innoxious works of his, as reason and your own selves must needs (I know) allow of in the rest, I have only endeavoured to make the Translator understood, as he the author, wherein I have not thought it much, though perhaps some may, to descend to the satisfaction even of the meanest capacities (for to this end was it translated that all might understand it) otherwise, the English, would be to many, almost as much Greek as the Original: and herein if I have done aught amiss, when I know it, I shall both acknowledge it and desire your pardon hoping in the mean space that your ingenuous candour will lay the fault where it is due, that is on me, not the Translator, nor cause the work to suffer, if I have any where failed. This I hope will be sufficient to satisfy you to whom I writ, unto whom I submit both myself and this, and so rest, a true lover of your persons and honourer of your virtues.  
T.H.   
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* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Homer. Odyss. lib. 7. v. 165.  〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
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LUCIAN upon his book.  
Lucian well skilled in old toys this hath writ:  
For all's but folly that men think is wit:  
No settled judgement doth in men appear;  
But thou admirest that which others jeer.  T. H.  

THE LIFE OF LUCIAN THE SAMOSATENIAN. WHEREIN, He is in some sort vindicated from certain gross Aspersions, heretofore cast upon him.  
THere is a twofold end of studying men. One to attain the knowledge of ourselves: for as the eye (
a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Plat. in 1. Alcibiad.  says the Divine Plato) cannot behold itself in any other part of the body but the eye: so the soul, if it will see itself, must look into the soul. The other, to gain such a competent knowledge and understanding in other men, as to be able, not only to make their lives and actions our examples, but to leave them as rules and patterns to them that shall come after us. They therefore that profess the latter, had need to be well versed, and skilful in the former: for he that is too short in the knowledge of himself, may be soon over-shot in his opinion of another. And therefore I have always thought it a bold adventure of those that take upon them to become answerable to posterity for other men's lives, seeing there are few or none that have observed such an orderly method of living, as to be able to give any just account of their own: and can therefore be hardly thought fit, and competent judges of another man's. Written lives, being nothing else but the lineaments of the mind: as the plain draught, and extremities of a picture are of the body: colours may give it ornament and beauty, but adds but little to the true resemblance: as he than that undertakes to copy out the one, had need to be well skilled in the composure and difference of faces; so he that adventures to draw the other aught to be as clear sighted in discerning manners and actions. For the least mistake but of the smallest touch or shadow in a face, altars the shape, and posture of the countenance: and in matter either of life or government, the insertion or omission of the meanest circumstance may give an alteration, and difference to an action.  
As for our author now in hand, there is but little trust to be given to the track of former times: for some that have heretofore undertaken to record his life, having drawn three or four several persons of that name, some Sophisters, some Rhetoricians, and living at several times into one Lucian, have not so much wrote his life as made it. In a matter therefore so full of uncertainty, to avoid the like error, in following the doubtful and various relations of such Writers as give no other reasons for their opinions then their own authority: I have thought best, to gather him out of himself, and so, as near as I can, make the author his own Biographer. 
b Joannes de Ravenna in rationar. vit. M. S. in Biblioth Coll. Balliol.  nemo enim quam se quemquam meliùs novit, vitae nemo verior testis, etc. First then, for the place that brought him forth, he was borne in 
c In lib. quomodo scribend. Histor. & in Piscator.  Samosata, the Metropolis, and prime City of Comagenia, 
d Plin. lib. 2. cap. 104 & l. 5. cap. 24.  seated not fare from the river Euphrates, in the Country 
e Strabo l. 16.  of Syria, which is 
f Plin. lib. 5. c. 20. Pomp. Mel. lib. 1. cap. 11. Volaterr. l. 11. cap. 8. Herodot. l. 2. etc.  a region of the greater Asia, berdering upon Palestine and Arabia, so called, says 
g cap. 57.58. & Diod. Sic. l. 4.  Solinus, from Syrus, the son of Apollo, and Synope: and oftentimes in his writings, he calls himself 
h In Piscat. in Scyth. & in lib. advers. indoct. &c  Syrian, 
i In Dea Syria.  Assyrian, 
k In bis accusato.  and the Syrian Rhetorician: 
l In Dea Syria.  having, when he was yet but a youth, consecrated in the City of Hierapolis (according to the custom of that Country) the first cutting of his hair to the Syrian Goddess. Howbeit 
m In Asino, & in Pseudolog.  at other times he derives himself from Patras 
n Herodot. l. 1. & Plin. lib. 4. cap. 5.  a City of Achaia, as if 
o In comment. in octavum lib. metamorph. Apuleii.  says Beroaldus, he would hereby intimate the one to be the place of his nativity, the other of his descent, according to that of Livy, nati Carthagine, oriundi Syracusis. Secondly for his kindred; 
p In Asino.  His Father's name was Lucius, his brothers Caius, who as he says, was an Elegiac Poet, and a Soothsayer. That he was borne but of mean parentage, we may well conjecture, 
q In Somnio.  his friends not being able to breed him up a Scholar, or to afford him education correspondent to so hopeful a genius, and therefore placed him with an Uncle of his by the mother's side, who was an excellent cutter in stone, that he might learn a trade, whereby to get his living: but there he stayed not long, for either led by his good fortune, or driven by his hard usage, he soon gave his Uncle the slip, and became his own carver, applying himself afterwards wholly to his book. At the length, both friends and means failing him at home, he left Samosata and went to Antioch: where having bestowed some time in the study and practise of the Law, that profession and condition of life either thwarting his disposition, or not answering his expectation, being besides an excellent Rhetorician, he left his Law and betook, himself, and travelling into 
r In Hercule Gallico, & in pro mercede conduct.  France, became there a public professor in that Art: Departing thence he went into Macedonia, where he gave a full and open testimony of his worth and learning, 
s In Herodoto.  before a general assembly of the most able and sufficient persons of the whole country. Having thus after many and sundry perigrinations made himself known and famous in diverse regions, he now began to draw nearer home, and to travel farther into himself, for perceiving the Rhetoricians of those times to direct the whole bent and scope of their studies towards their own ends, endeavouring more the enriching and preferment of themselves then the advancement of virtue and goodness: and finding the profession likewise 
t In Reviviscentib.  full of many disturbances, deceptions, oppositions, impudences, lies, clamours and infinite other inconveniences, he forsook this also, 
u In Hermotim.  and about the 40th year of his age betook himself to Philosophy: 
x In Icaromen. & in Hermot.  When having by great industry and study, acquainted himself with the several tenants and doctrines almost of every sect, and finding that they not only crossed and contradicted each other in the very grounds and principles of all Arts and Sciences, and chief in matter of Religion, and in their conceits and opinions of the Gods; but also, that their lives and practices were nothing at all agreeable to their rules and precepts: he grew at length into such an utter dislike of them, being himself a man that always professed an uprightness of carriage, and freedom of speech (
y In Piscator.  as may appear by those arts which he acknowledges himself to be skilled in, and that borrowed name of Parrhisiades) that he bent his style almost wholly against them, and became a sharp and earnest opposer of the titular and mock-Philosophers of that age: laying open to the world in his writings, by way of Dialogue, after a most pleasant and comical manner, their avarice, intemperance, ambition, and hypocrisy: and so fare deriding the senseless superstition, and feigned deities of the heathen, that he thereby got the surname of 
z Suidas.  Atheos', or Blasphemus, and was commonly reputed a mocker and derider both of Gods and men. They that report him to have been sometimes a Christian, and that afterwards falling into apostasy he should scoffingly say, that he got nothing by that Religion, but only the corruption of his name, which was changed at his baptising, from Lucius to Lucianus, have not only wrote more than they could justify, but what is easy enough to be disproven: for whosoever shall read his book de morte Peregrini, where he lays both the profession of the same Religion, and the falling from it in another's dish, may soon perceive that he was never a Christian, and for that speech of his, it must be found in some work that these times are not acquainted with, for in all those pieces that are as yet published, I am sure there is no such thing to be found. These men therefore are as much mistaken in his life as in his death, reporting that he was torn in pieces by dogs, and producing for both no other authority than themselves. That he was a most impious blasphemer of our Saviour Christ, and of his sacred doctrine I will not deny: but that his whole works so much admired and approved of by the most learned in all ages, both for wit and language should be therefore utterly banished from the world, and condemned to a perpetual obscurity, or those parts of him denied the the light in which there is no such impiety found, but on the contrary, many rules and documents both of virtue and good learning, more than the writings of Suetonius, Tacitus, and other famous authors, who were likewise enemies to the Christian Religion, seems unto men most unjust, and partial censure. Let us rather account him worthy of equal privileges at the least with others, who so well deserved both of the nation, and age wherein he lived: for if we peruse the writings of Philostratus, Laertius, and others who have commended to posterity the names & memories of such as have been famous in precedent ages both for arts and arms, we shall scarce find any one of this Country, since those ancients, 
a 
Pherecydes was a Syrian, the son of Badies and master to Pythagoras, he lived about the 59th olympiad. Diog. Laert. lib. 1. in the reign of Servius Tullius the 6. Roman King.  
Pherecydes Syrus, primum dixit animos hominum esse sempiternos: antiquus sanè, fuit enim in eo regnante Gentili. Hanc opinionem, discipulus ejus Pythagoras maximè auxit. Cic. Tusc. l. 5. Ne Pherecydes quidam ille Pythagorae magister, etc. Cic. de Divinat. l. 1.   Pherecydes and 
b Philostratus de vitis Sophistarum lib. 1.  Isaeus, unto this our Lucian, amongst so many writers and Philosophers of that age, that was of any note for learning, and good letters: But from his time, and after the publishing of his notable works, we may read of divers Syrians, as jamblichus, Epiphanius, Libanius, and innumerable others, famous and eminent in all kind of literature: let no man therefore envy him that honour which his memory deserves, but afford him the due and rightful acknowledgement of being so happy an example to posterity, and that in so eminent a manner, 
c Chrysostom in 80. Hom. in Joann.  that the most learned, and judicious of all the Greek Fathers hath thought it no dishonour to imitate him: Who (if that be true which 
d In Elogio Luciani.  Gilbertus Cognatus observes) hath taken a good part of one of his Homilies upon S. John's Gospel out of Lucian's Cynicus, but this I leave to those that shall have a desire to examine it, all which considerately weighed, may be sufficient, I am persuaded, to satisfy any indifferent understanding, that is not already prepossessed with a resolution of obstinacy, that it is no such impious thing, as some of the rigid censures of these times would persuade us, to make a good use even of the worst Writers, yea and that if occasion serve, in matter of divinity. Which although I could by many undeniable examples prove, yet I conclude with this one testimony of a 
e S Ambrose.  learned Father, Veritas à quocunque dicatur, à Spiritu Sancto est.  
He began to flourish, as is commonly received, towards the later end of the reign of Trajan, but compiled most of his works in the Emperor Adrians' time who begun his reign about the year of our Lord 120 
f In pro mercede conduct.  and by whom he was made 
g Procurator Caesaris, vel Principis, est procurator fisci, & rationalis &c Ille autem jurisdictionem habet inter fiscum & privatos, non inter privatos. Cujas. in tit. Dig. de appellation. §. Si quis 3 (nisi fortè vicem Praesidis gerat) Which honour it seems Lucian oftentimes had, as may appear in his Apology pro mercede conduct. Tacitus in his life of Agricola, styles this office equestrem nobilitatem. Dio in his Rom. Hist. lib. 55. brings the first institution of it, from Augustus.  Procurator Principis, the Prince's Procurator in Egypt, this honour being conferred upon him, 
h In pro mercede.  as he says of himself, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. When he was grown so fare in years, that he had (to render the Greek proverb by an English one) One foot in the grave. It seems by that which he wrote of the 
i In Tragopod.  gout▪ that he had some feeling of that infirmity, which (according to the manner of the Heathen, among whom vices as well as virtues, diseases as ability, went always under the patronage of some Deity) he makes no less than a goddess, and which seeing he was so much troubled with it, we may by probable conjectures conclude to be  
The end of LUCIAN'S life.   

LUCIAN HIS LIFE, OR OF HIS DREAM.  
AFter I had given over going to school, and was grown to be a stripling of some good stature, my father advised with his friends, what it were best for him to breed me to: and the opinion of most was, that to make me a scholar, the labour would be long, the charge great, & would require a plentiful purse: whereas our means were poor, & would soon stand in need of speedy supply: but if he would set me to learn some manual art or other, I should quickly get by my trade enough to serve my own turn, and never be troublesome for my diet at home, if I were placed abroad, neither would it be long before I should make my father a glad man, to see me daily bring home with me what I had got by my labours. This being concluded upon we begun to consult again what trade was best, soon learned, and most befitting a freeman, that would be set up with an easy charge, and bring in a profitable return. With that, some began to commend one trade, some another, as every man's fancy or experience led him. but my father casting his eyes upon mine uncle (for my uncle by the mother's side was there present, an excellent workman in stone, and held to be one of the best statuaries in all the country) by no means, (said he) can I endure that any other art should take place, as long as you are in presence: take him therefore to you (showing him me) and teach him to be a skilful workman in stone, how to joint them together neatly, and to fashion his statues cunningly: he is able enough for it, and his nature inclinable enough to it: this he conjectured, because he had seen some toys of mine made out of wax; for I could no sooner come home from school, but I should be tempering wax together, and out of it sergeant the shapes both of oxen, horses, and men, and (as my father thought) handsomely enough, which my masters were wont to whip me for, though now it turned to my commendation: but those kind of figments put me in good hopes that I should learn my trade the sooner; and that very day was thought lucky for me to be initiated into the art, whereupon I was committed to my uncle, and to confess the truth, not much against my will: for I thought it would prove but a kind of sport, and that I should be thought a brave fellow among my companions, if I could carve out gods, and pretty puppets, both for myself, and those lads I best liked of. But it fell out with me, as with other young beginners: for my uncle putting a carving tool into my hand, bade me therewith to strike a table that lay before me, softly and gently, adding withal this old proverb 
a Hesiod. in his works & days 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. lib. 1.  What's well begun is half done: but my ignorance was such, that I smote too hard, and the table burst in pieces: which put him so fare out of patience, that he gave me handsel in a harsh measure, as I thought, and exceeding the bounds of due correction, insomuch that tears were the proem of my occupation, and I ran away as fast as I could, crying out with full eyes, telling how I had been lashed, and showing the prints which the strokes had made upon me, exclaiming upon such cruelty, and adding this of mine own, that it was only for envy, left in the end I should prove a better workman than himself: this greeved my mother's heart, and she railed bitterly against her brother for using me with such extremity: but when night came I went to bed, though swollen with tears, and all the night long it would not out of my mind: what I have hitherto delivered, is merely ridiculous and childish: but now, Gentlemen, you shall hear matter not to be discommended, but what deserves attentive auscultation: for to say with Homer, 
b Iliad. C. v. 56. It is the beginning of Agamennons oration to the Greeks', after that Jupiter had sent him the dream.  A heavenly dream seized upon me, as I slept in the dead time of the night, so directly, that it failed nothing of truth itself; for even to this day, after so long a distance, the figures of the apparition stick still in mine eyes, and the voice of that I heard still soundeth in mine ears, every thing was delivered so plainly and apparently. 
c 
This seems to be an imitation of that of Xenophon in his 2. book of the memorable things of Socrates, where Prodicus the Caean brings in a story of Hercules, how that being as yet but a youth vice and virtue appeared to him inform of two women each of them endeavouring to draw him to herself.  
The like relation we may find in Dio Chrysostom. in his 1. oration de Regno, where Hercules is brought by Mercury to the top of an high mountain where he shown him sitting in all their majesty, two women, Regalatie and Tyranny etc. and not unlike to this is that of Nazianzen, in carmin de animae suae calamitatibus, and of Philostratus in his 6 book of the life of Apollonius and 6. chap. the like we may see in Galen in Oratione quâ homines ad bonas artes perdiscendas cohortatur: where he speaks of the followers of Mercury and Fortune, and in diverse others.   Me thought two women laid fast hold on my hands, and either of them drew me to herself with all the strength she had, and contended so earnestly for me, that I was almost torn in pieces between them: sometimes the one would have the better hand, and get me almost wholly into her clutches: within a while after the other would seize upon me as surely, still scolding and brawling one against another, the one saying I was hers, and she would keep possession of me, the other answering, it was a folly for her to lay claim to that she had nothing to do withal. Now indeed, the one of them was a homely sturdy dame, with her hair ill-favouredly dressed up, and her hands overgrown with a hard skin, her garment was tucked up about her, all full of lime and mortar, for all the world such another as mine uncle when he was about his work: the other was a well faced wench of comely proportion and handsomely attired: in the end they referred the matter to me, which of them I would betake myself unto: and first that sturdy manly drudge begun with me in this manner. I, sweet boy, am that art of carving, to which you professed your self an apprentice yesterday, a trade familiar to you, and tied to your house by succession: for your grandfather (delivering the name of my mother's father) was a carver and so were both your uncles, and by that means came to be men of note and reputation: if thou wilt therefore renounce the fopperies and idle vanities that this female would lead thee into (pointing to the other) and follow me as one of my family, first thou shalt be maintained in a plentiful fashion, thou shalt continue good strength of body, keep thyself evermore free from envy, & never be forced to forsake thy friends and country, & betake thyself to a foreign soil, nor be commended by all men for words only: disdain not then the meanness of my person, nor the baseness of my apparel, for such beginnings had Phidias, that carved Jupiter, and 
d The names of certain carvers.  Polycletus who made the Image of Juno, and the renowned Myron, and the admired Praxitiles, who now are honoured as if they were gods: and if it be thy fortune to become such another, thou must needs be famous among men of all degrees, thy father shall be held for a happy man, and thou shalt add a great deal of glory to thy country. This and much more was babbled and blundred out by that art, and huddled one in the neck of another (because she would fain have wrought upon me,) which I cannot now call to mind, for the most is quite out of my remembrance: But as soon as she had given over, the other begun in this sort. And I, sweet child, am Learning, which thou hast long been acquainted withal, and well known unto thee, though thou never cam'st to attain the full end and perfection of me: what thou shalt get by the art of carving, she hath told thee already herself: but take this from me, thou shalt never be any better than a peasant, and a bodily labourer, and therein must thou repose the whole hope of thy life, which can be but obscure, thy get small and simple, thy mind dejected, thy come in poor, and thou neither able to patronage a friend, nor cry quittance with a foe, nor worthy to be emulated by other citizens, only a mere drudge, one of the common rascality, ready to give way to thy better, and wait upon him that can speak in thy behalf, living the life of a hare: and great luck if ever thou light upon a better: for, say thou come to be as cunning as Phidias, or Polycletus, and work many wondrous pieces, thy Art will certainly be commended by all men, but not one that looks on them, if he love himself, will wish to be such an other as thou: for be what thou canst be, thou shalt be but a mechanical fellow, one of a manual Trade, that hath no means to live, but by his handy-labour. But if thou wilt be ruled by me, I will acquaint thee with all the famous Acts, and memorable exploits of men of former time: I will make thee know all that hath been spoken or delivered by them, so that thou shalt have a perfect insight into all things: thy mind, which is the lordly part within thee, I will beautify and garnish with many excellent ornaments, as temperance, justice, piety, clemency, wisdom, patience, the love of good things, and desire to attain to matters of worth: for these indeed are the ornature of the mind that shall never decay: nothing whatsoever it be ancient or modern shall escape thy knowledge: and by my assistance, thou shalt also foresee what is yet to come: and to conclude, I will in a short space make thee learned in all things divine and humane: so thou that art now so poor and simple, the son of a mean person, that lately was like to be put to a base and ignoble Art, within a while shalt be emulated and envied by all men, reverenced, commended and celebrated for thy good parts, and respected by those that are of an high rank, both for nobility and riches: then shalt thou be clad in such a garment as this is (showing me the mantle she wore herself, which was very gorgeous to the eye) and thought worthy of all honour and pre-eminence: if it shall be thy fortune to travel into any foreign place, thou shalt never arrive there as a person unknown and obscure: for I will set such marks and tokens upon thee, that every one that seethe thee shall jog the next slander by on the elbow, 
e Pulchrum est digito monstrari & possit hic est. Persius' sat.  and point out his finger toward thee saying. This is the man: If any occasion of urgency betid thy friends, or the whole City, they all shall cast their eyes upon thee: when thou art to make a speech in any place, the whole multitude shall stand gaping to hear thee, admiring and wondering at thee, blessing the powerfulness of thy deliverance, and thy father's happiness to beget such a son: And as it is said of some men, that they shall continue immortal, the same will I effect in thee: for when thou shalt departed this life, thou shalt perpetually converse with learned men, and keep company with the best: hast thou not heard of 
f Plutarch in the life of Demosthenes.  Demosthenes, what a poor man's son he was, and what a fellow I brought him to be? remember'st thou not Aeschines, the son of a Taberer? yet how did King Philip observe him for my sake? yea 
g Socrates was the son of Sophroniscus a Carver, and as some say, exercesed that Art himself: the clothed Graces in the tower of Athens, were thought to have been of his workmanship: he also exercised painting, and made the pictures of Aesculapius and his five daughters. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 35. cap. 11.  Socrates himself, though he were bred up in this art of carving, yet as soon as he made a better choice, and gave that trade the bag, to be entertained as a fugitive by me, you know how much he was magnified by all men: and wilt thou forsake men of such excellent worth, such glorious exploits, such powerful speeches, such decent attire, honour, glory, praise, precedency, power, authority, commendation for good words, admiration for wisdom, and in lieu of all this, cover thy skin with a base garment, cast a threadbare cloak upon thy back, have thy hands full of carving tools, fit for thy trade, thy face ever more bend downwards towards thy work, so continuing a sordid, slavish, and abject life, never able to lift up thy head, or to entertain any manly or free thoughts, but all thy care must be to have thy work handsome and proportionable, respecting not a rush thine own good, but making thyself of less value than a stone? Whilst she was yet speaking, I could hold no longer for my life, but rising up, declared myself for her, and abandoning that ugly drudge, betook me to learning with a glad heart, especially when I bethought myself of the lash, and the many stripes I received for my welcome the day before: she that was forsaken, took it heinous, clapped her hands at me, gnashed her teeth together against me, and in the end, like a second 
h Niobe was the daughter of Tantalus, and wife to Amphion King of Thebes, who having borne unto her husband six sons and six daughters, became thereupon so proud that she preferred herself before Latona: Whereat the Goddess being moved with anger, caused all her children to be shot to death by her son and daughter, Apollo and Diana: and Niobe herself to be carried with a whirl wind near unto Sipylus a City of Maeonia (which was her native Country) and there turned into a rock of marble. Vid. Ovid's Metamorph. the 6. book.  Niobe, 
i A fit metamorphosis for her profession.  was wholly congealed and turned into a stone: you may think it strange, but distrust not the truth; for dreams can produce as unlikely matters as this. But the other, casting her eye upon me, What recompense shall I make thee (saith she) for passing thy censure with such discretion? come hither and mount this chariot, (showing me a chariot drawn with certain horses, winged and shaped like 
k Pegasus was a winged horse sprung from Medusa's blood, when her head was strooken off by Perseus.  Pegasus) that thou mayst see how many rare wonders thou shouldst have been ignorant of, if thou hadst not followed me: When I was got up, she drove away, and supplied the place of a Coachman, and being raised to a full height, I looked every way round about me, beginning at the East, and so to the West, beholding Cities, and Nations, and people: and like 
l Celeus King of the Elusines having entertained the Goddess Ceres when she travailed in the search of her lost daughter Proserpina, she in recompense of his liberal hospitality, not only taught him the art of husbandry, but also nursed his young son Triptolemus with her own milk: and afterwards placing him in a chariot drawn with winged serpents, sent him abroad into the world, to teach men the use of corn and seed, which as he road along, he dropped down and strewed upon the earth. Vid. Virgil. in Culic.  Triptolemus, sowed somewhat down upon the the earth; yet can I not remember myself what seed it should be: only this, that men from below looked up towards me, applauded me, and with acclamations brought me onward to those whom I was to visit in my flight: and when she had showed these things to me, and me to them that praised and commended me, she brought me back again, not clad in the same garment I wore in my voyage, yet I thought myself apparelled handsomely enough: and at my coming home, I found my father standing and attending for me, to whom I shown my apparel and myself, and what a brave fellow I was returned, giving him a little item withal, how he had been like to have bestowed me the day before. This I remember I saw, when I was little bigger than a boy, and, as I think, terrified in my sleep with the blows I had before received. But whilst I am telling this unto you, good god, (may some man say) this was a long dream indeed, and stuffed with judicious matter. Some winter's dream I warrant you (says another) when the nights are at the longest: or it may be the length of three nights, 
m He calls Hercules 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, (i) one of 3. nights, because when Jupiter begot him of Alemena, he made that night as long as three, it is a known fable in Plautus and others.  the time of Hercules begetting: what comes in his head to trouble us with these fooleries, & tell us his ancient apish dreams, that are now grown old with age? this dull narration is stolen and out of date: doth he take us for some kind of dream readers? Nothing so good sir: for 
n Xenophon relates this dream of his, at the beginning of his third book of Cyrus his ascent or expedition, that he thought in his sleep, that he beheld his father's house set on fire by lightning, and suddenly all of a bright flame: & another in the fourth book, when he was enclosed by the enemy.  Xenophon, when he reported a dream that appeared unto him, as he thought, in his father's house, and other visions else, you know, the apparition was held for no fiction, nor he condemned for a trifler in repeating it, though it were in the time of war, when his case was desperate, and he round beset with enemies: but the relating of it wanted not his fruit. So I, for my part, have repeated this dream unto you, because I would have young men take the better way, and stick to learning: especially he, whom poverty enforceth to a wilful neglect of himself, and to incline to worse courses, so depraving the good condition of his nature: for I know the hearing of this tale will encourage him much, and that he will propose me, as a sufficient pattern for him to imitate, when he shall consider how poor a snake I was, and yet affected the highest fortunes, and fixed my desire upon learning, and would not be discouraged with the poverty I was then oppressed withal. And in what condition I am now returned amongst you, though it be not all of the best, yet I hope I am no worse a man then a Carver.   

ICAROMENIPPUS, OR THE LOFTY TRAVELLER.  Menippus 
BY this account, from the Earth to the Moon can be no less than three thousand furlongs, 
The occasion of the Dialogue.  where we took up our first lodging: from thence upwards to the Sun, are about five hundred leagues: and from the Sun to the height of Heaven, and the sublime seat of Jupiter himself, is as fare as a swift Eagle is able to reach in a whole day's flight.  Friend. 
How now Menippus? 
Menippus was a cynic, in whose person our Author oftentimes inveighs against the Philosophers of his time.  are you trading in Astronomy, and practising Arithmetical conclusions so closely by yourself? For as I followed after you, me thought I heard you talk strangely of Suns and Moons, and leagues, and lodgings, and I cannot tell what.  Menip. 
Marvel not good friend, though I talk transcendently, and above the pitch of our common region, for I am making a summary computation to myself of my late peregrination.  Friend. 
Why, good Sir, did you travel like 
The Phoenicians were very skilful in Navigation and Astronomy: Plin. nat. hist. lib. 5. cap. 12.  a Phenician, and score out your way by the course of the Stars?  Menippus. 
I tell you no: for my journey lay among the very Stars themselves.  Friend. 
O Hercules, what a horrible long dream were you taken withal, that could forget yourself to be asleep the travelling of so many leagues:  Menippus. 
Why, friend, do you think I tell you a dream, and came from Jupiter but just now?  Friend. 
Say you so? is Menippus also fall'n down from Jupiter amongst us?  Menippus. 
I speak it seriously: I came but this day from that very Jupiter himself, where I both heard and saw matters exceeding all imagination: if you believe me not, I am the gladder of it, that my felicity is not limited within the compass of credit.  Friend. 
O divine and olympical Menippus, how should I, an earthly and mortal creature, distrust a man surmounting the clouds; 
Iliad lib. 5. v. 373.  and, as Homer saith, one of the celestial society? yet I pray thee tell me, by what means thou got'st up so high, and how thou com'st by a ladder of such a length: for I see no such beauty in thy face, that like a second 
b ganymed was the Son of King Troös, whom, for his excellent beauty, jupiter, transforming himself into an Eagle, took up into heaven, and made him his cup bearer, displacing Hebe the daughter of Juno, because that she, by reason of a fall as she was attending, had disgraced herself before all the Gods.  Ganymede, thou shouldst be rapt up into heaven by an Eagle, to fill out wine to Jupiter.  Menippus. 
I have found you flouting all this while: and I hold it no wonder though my strange reports be esteemed fabulous: But to accomplish my journey, I neither needed a ladder, nor to be beloved of an Eagle, for I had wings of mine own to do it.  Friend. 
In this thou hast put down 
c Ovid. Metam. lib. 8. Daedalus to escape the tyrant of Minos, made artificial wings for himself and his Son Icarus, and so flew out of Crete into Sicily; but Icarus flying too high, th● wax wherewith his wings were jointed was melted by the Sun, and so he fell down into the Sea, which afterwards bore his name: Icarus Icariis nomina fecit aquis Ovid.  Daedalus himself, and deceived us extremely: for we took thee for a man all this while, and now it seems, thou art either some Kite or Crow.  Menippus. 
Believe me, friend, you are somewhat near the mark: for that Daedalian invention of wings, was also put in practice by me.  Friend. 
And how durst thou put thyself upon such an adventure, for fear of falling into the Sea, which after thy name might be called the Menippian Sea, as the other was called the Icarian.  Menippus. 
I was secure of that: for Icaru's wings were cemented with wax, which dissolving with the Sun, he cast his feathers and could not choose but fall: but my feathers were jointed with no such matter.  Friend. 
How then? for by little & little thou hast screwed me up, I cannot tell how, to imagine there may be some truth in thy narration.  Menippus. 
Thus I did, I took a good big Eagle, and a strong Vulture, and cut off their wings at the first joint: but it would do better to tell you my whole conceit, from the first occasion, if your leisure will serve to hear it.  Friend. 
Exceeding well: for I am wholly intent to listen to your story, and in a longing to hear it all to the end: wherefore of all loves, deny me not; for I even hang as it were by the ears, to hearken to your discourse.  Menip. 
Hear it then: for I should show myself uncivil to leave a longing friend in such a plight: especially hanging by the ears, as you say, to hear it: and therefore thus it was. Pondering seriously with myself upon matters pertaining to this life, I found all things affected by man, to be foolish, idle, and transitory: I mean, riches honour, powerablenes, and the like: wherefore contemning them all, and all care to attain them, and proposing to myself the study of things that were truly good, I endeavoured to lift up my head, and to consider of the whole universe in general, which yielded matter of much difficulty to my apprehension: First, that thing which wise men called the world: for I could never find how it was made, nor who was the maker of it; nor what beginning it had, nor what end it should have. Next, I descended to particulars, which brought me into fare greater doubts than I was before: I saw the stars scattered up and down the heaven carelessly, I know not how; and I much desired to learn what matter the Sun was made of: But the greatest cause of marvel to me was the Moon, whose course seemed contrary to all reason: and the often alteration of her shape I thought must needs proceed from some unknown and secret cause: moreover, the sudden flashes of lightning, the breaking out of the thunder, the rain, the snow, the falling down of the hail, were utterly unexpressible to me, and I knew not what to think of them: being in this perplexity, I thought I could not do better, then to repair to some of these Philosophers for my instruction, who I thought were not to seek in the true knowledge of any thing: 
The Philosopher's desires.  whereupon I made my choice of the best among them, as well as I could guess at them, by the grimness of their countenances, the paleness of their complexion, and the profundity of their beards: for such men, I was persuaded could best speak deep points of learning, and were best seen in celestial matters: to them I committed myself, and gave them a good round sum of money in hand, and more I promised to pay unto them, when I should attain to be my Art's master in these points: for I had an incredible desire to talk like a learned man, and to have an insight into the order & course of all things: But I was so fare from being freed by their means out of my former ignorance, 
The distraction they put him in.  that they brought me worse out of tune than I was before, every day filling my head with Beginnings, and End, and Atoms, and Vacuities, and Matters, and Forms, and I know not what. But that which most of all put me out of heart, was to hear how much they differed in opinions amongst themselves, thwarting, and overthwarting one another in every thing they spoke: yet every man would have me to be a follower of his, and seek to draw me to the bent of his own bow.  Friend. 
Strange it is, that wise men should be at such odds among themselves, as not to have the same opinion of the same things.  Menip. 
Believe me, friend, I know you could not choose but laugh to hear their arrogant and prodigious speeches: that men confined to the earth, of no higher pitch than we that are with them, 
Their presumption.  no sharper sighted than their neighbours dwelling nigh them, nay some of them, either through age or idleness, able to see nothing at all, should yet profess themselves to know the uttermost ends of heaven, to measure the compass of the Sun, to understand what is done above the Moon, and as if they had fallen from the Stars; describe the quantity and fashion of every of them: and that they which oftentimes cannot truly tell you how fare it is between 
b 
A City of Attica little more than 20. Italian miles distant from Athens, so named in the reign of Caros the son of Phoroneus from the temples of Ceres which were there, built and so called Pausan. in Attic.  
Their contradictions.   Megara and Athens, should yet take upon them to tell how many cubit's space it is between the Moon and the Sun, and to measure out the height of the sky, the depth of the sea, and the compass of the earth: and by making circles and circumferences, triangular, and quadrant dimensions, and by certain round orbs, conclude upon the quantity of heaven itself: but nothing doth more detect their ignorance and arrogancy, than their own peremptory speeches about matters, which all men know are to them unknown: for they will affirm nothing upon likeliehood or possibility, but contend with all vehemency, (leaving no place for any other to outspeake them) and will almost take their oaths upon it, 
c Anaxagoras. Diog. Laert. l. 1.  that the Sun is a lump of some kind of matter, made red hot with fire: 
d Xenophanes.  that the Moon is a region inhabitable, 
e Heraclitus.  and that the Stars drink water by the help of the ●unne, drawing vapours out of the Sea, as with a bucket, and bestowing it upon them all to drink amongst them: but the contradiction of their opinions may easily be descried by any man, which I would have you take good notice of. and how little reconciliation is to be expected in such contrarieties. First, they  in their opinions touching the world: 
f Melissus, and divers others. He may seem here to incline more to Atheism then any sect of Philosophy, but this is spoken in the person of Menippus, and not from his own opinion.  for some hold, it had no beginning, nor ever shall come to have an end: others as confidently affirm it had a maker, and describe the manner of the making thereof. And these be the men I most admire, that make some god to be the workman of all things, and yet tell us not from whence he came, or where he stood when he was about his work: whereas, before the creation of the universe, it is impossible to imagine either time or place.  Friend. 
These are bold fellows indeed, Menippus, and talk of strange matters.  Menippus. 
What if you should hear them speak, sweet friend, of their Ideas and Incorporalities, 
Their terms.  and how they argue about finite and infinite, a quarrel that can never be composed: for some confine the world to an end, others will have it without end: 
g Xenophanes, vid. Laett. in ejus vit.  some give out that there are many worlds, and reprove them that talk as if there were but one: 
h Heraclitus & Empedocles.  another (some quarrelsome companion I warrant him) affirms war and falling out to be the original of things: what should I trouble you to tell you of their gods? for to some 
i The Pythagoreans.  a certain Arithmetical number stands in steed of a god: 
k Socrates.  others swear by dogs, geese, and plane trees: 
l The Platonics, Peripatetics etc. Themistius the Philosopher, as it is recorded by Socrates in his Ecclesiastical History, affirms that there were above three hundred several opinions concerning God and Religion among the Heathen Philosophers. Soc. Eccl. Hist. lib. 4. c. 27.  some would make a riddance of other gods, and ascribe the government of all things to one alone which drew me into a great deal of distraction, to hear men hold such uncertainties of the gods: 
m The Poets.  others again as liberally will allow us gods enough, but they divide them into several degrees, calling one the chief god, and allotting the second place to others, and a third to the last: moreover, some hold opinion, that the godhead hath neither body, nor shape: and some are conceited of it as of a body: again, all do not attribute to god, the provident disposing of our a●…ires: 
n The Epicureans.  for there are some which exempt them from all care, as we do old men from bearing office, bringing them in, for all the world, like attendants in a stage play: 
o Atheists  others again, go beyond all these, and will not believe there are any gods at all, but leave the world at random to be carried about without governor or guide: when I heard all this, I could not but believe men that spoke so big words and wore so big beards, yet knew not to what opinion to incline, where I might find such certainty as could not be confuted by others: and I was directly brought into such a case as Homer speaks of: 
* The motives that caused him to undertake this journey.  for when I found myself many times apt enough to be led by some of them, suddenly a contrary conceit would draw me another way. This brought me into such a quandary, that I despaired to have any true intelligence in these matters upon earth, and thought there could be no better course to clear myself from these uncertainties, then to get me wings and make a journey into heaven, which I was brought in hope to effect, principally for the vehemency of my desire, & next by the encouragement of 
p 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, he is so termed by Plutarch, in his Solon. but here by Lucian merely in mockery.  Aesop the fable-maker; who made heaven pervious to eagles, nay sometimes to beetles and camels: but to make feathers spring out of my flesh I thought it impossible by any devise I could imagine: yet if I could provide myself of wings either of a vulture or of an eagle (for they only would be able to bear the weight of a man's body) then perhaps my project might proceed to some purpose: whereupon I got me those birds, 
How he furnished himself for it.  and cut off the right wing of the one, and the left wing of the other which was the vulture, as handsomely as I could, and buckling them about me, fastened them to my shoulders with thongs of strong leather, and at the ends of the uttermost feathers made me loops to put my hands through, and then began to try what I could do, leaping upwards at the first to begin withal, and sailing with my arms, lifted my body a little from the ground, no higher than geese use to do, when they begin their flight, and keeping myself low, 
He practiseth to fly.  often touched the earth with the top of my toes: but when I found by this, that my device was answerable to my hopes, I grew every day to be more bold than other, and getting up to the top of the Castle, stew from thence, and alighted at the Theatre. After so great a flight taken without any danger, my mind carried me to matters of more eminency: and beginning my course, sometimes at the Hill 
q A hill in Artica.  Parnes, sometimes at Mount 
r A Mountain in Artica very fruitful for Bees, where was a statue of Jupiter, thence called Jupiter Hymettius. Pausan. in Artic.  Hym●…, would fly as fare as to 
s A hill in Megaris Thucyd. lib. 1.  Garanea, and from thence up to 
s The top of the Mountain hanging over the City Corinth.  Acr●corinthus: then over 
t A Hill in Arcadia.  Pholoe, and 
u A Mountain in Arcadia.  Eryma●…bus, and so to 
w A Mountain in Laconia. Pausan. in Lacon.  Taygetus. When I had thus well practised myself in my new profession, and grown so perfect, that I could mount at pleasure, I thought myself a chicken no longer, but got me up to the top of 
x A high Mountain in Greece, bordering on the one side on Thessaly, on the other on Macedonia. Paus. used by the Poets for Heaven.  Olympus, and there furnishing myself with victuales as expeditely as I could, from thence took my 
* He beginneth his journey.  way directly towards Heaven: and at the first, the distance made me somewhat dizzy for a time, but afterwards I endured it well enough: when I was got up as high as the Moon, by making way through so many clouds, I found myself weary, especially upon the left wing, which was of the Vulture: I therefore sat me down upon it to rest myself, from thence looking towards the Earth that was beneath me, 
Iliad 8. v. 51.  and like Homer's Jupiter, sometime beheld the horsemen of Thrace, and sometimes the Mysians: then if I pleased me, would cast mine eye upon Greece, or upon Persia, or India, out of all which countries I was filled with variety of rare delights.  Friend. 
Tell me that too, good Menippus: let no one particular of your travels be left out, but whatsoever came to your view, though it were no appurtenance to your journey, yet let me hear it: for I look for no ordinary matter from you, but to be informed what fashion the Earth was of, and all that was in it, as you beheld it from above.  Menip. 
Your expectation shall not fail you, my good friend: for, placing myself upon the Moon as well as I could, she traveled with me in her usual course, and holp me to survey the order of all earthly things: and at the first, me thought I saw a very little kind of Earth, far less than the Moon: and thereupon stooping down, could not yet find where such Mountains were, or such a Sea, nor see 
y The Rhodian Colossus was a statue of brass 70. cubits high, so that the ships might sail betwixt his legs: it was the workmanship of Chares the Lyndian, and when it had stood about 56. years, was thrown down by an Earthquake: this and the Tower of Pharos in Egypt, built by Sostratus the Gnidian, at the appointment of King Ptolemy, which cost 800. Talents, were reckoned among the wonders of the world. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 34. cap. 7. & lib. 36. cap. 12.  the Rhodian Colossus, or the Tower of Pharos (for you must know, the Earth was altogether hid from me) though now they are eminent, and put up their heads above all other things: At the last, the glittering of the Ocean by the Sun beams shining upon it, made me conjecture it was the Earth I saw, and fixing mine eyes more steadfastly on it, the whole life of man was made apparent to me, not by Nations and Cities, but all particular sort of persons, Mariners, Soldiers, ploughmen, Lawyers, Women, Beasts, 
† Hom. Odies. lib. 11. v. 309.  and whatsoever feedeth upon the face of the Earth.  Friend. 
Nay now, Menippus, you have overshot yourself exceedingly, and contradicted what you said before: even now you were fain to look narrowly to find out the Earth, & when the Colossus appeared unto you, you thought it might perhaps be some other thing: how came you then upon a sudden to be such a 
z Lynceus was one of the Argonauts that went with Jason for the golden Fleece: he was said to be so sharp of sight, that he could look through a wall, or into the earth, and discover the veins of minerals: Pliny says that he could see the new Moon in the sign Aries, the 1. day of her change, & that the name grew thence into a proverb. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 2. cap. 17.  Lynceus, as to discern all that was upon the earth; men, beasts, yea almost the very nests of gnats?  Menippus. 
I thank you for your good remembering of me, for what did most concern me to tell you, I know not how, was by me utterly omitted: for when mine eye hadled me to the knowledge of the earth, and yet not able to see any things else by reason of the distance which my sight could not attain unto, it grieved me much, and I was in great anguish of mind: and being grown utterly disconsolate, and ready to shed tears for sorrow, suddenly behind my back there stood the wise 
a Empedocles the Philosopher flourished betwixt the 80. and 90. Olympiads.  Empedacles, as black as a coal to look to, and covered clean over with ashes, as if he had been broiled in the embers. and to tell you plain, at the first, the sight made me aghast, and I thought some lunary spirit had appeared unto me: but he said, be of good cheer, Menippus, 
* Homer. Odyss. lib. 16. v. 187. thus begins Ulysses discovering himself to his son Telemachus. Diogenes Laert. in vit. Emped.  I am no god: take me not for one of the immortal: I am the Physical: Empedocles, that tumbled myself headlong into the tunnells of mount Aetna, 
b This Lucian adds to the story, we read indeed of one of his slippers that was blown back again, and by that means it was guest what became of him  and was thence cast out again by the strength of the smoke, and tossed up hither, and now dwell in the Moon; and am carried about in the air as she is, feeding only upon the dew: the purpose of my coming is to free thee from thy present anxiety, for I know it doth afflict thee much, that thou canst not clearly discern what is done upon the earth. Kindly done of you, honest Empedocles, said I; and as soon as my wings have brought me down into Greece, I will remember to sacrifice unto you upon the tunnel of my chimney; and at every change, will there make my prayers in public to the Moon: I swear, said he, by 
c Endymion, as some have thought, was a great Astronomer, and therefore feigned by the Poets to be beloved of the Moon who was so taken with his beauty as he lay sleeping on mount Latmos, that to enjoy his company she left her chariot to be guided by her brother  Endymion, I come in no such respect; 
* A very fit altar for such a smoky Deity.  only, it grieved me at the heart to see thee in so great sorrow: but knowest thou any means how to amend thy sight and make it better; believe me no, said I, unless you, have somewhat that can wipe the waif of mine eyes, for I find myself very dim sighted: you have no need of any farther help, said he, for you have brought that from the earth with you, that can make you see well enough; and what may that be, said I? Know you not, said he, that you have the right wing of an Eagle about you? yes said I, but what is the wing to the eye? the Eagle, said he, by fare is the sharpest sighted of all creatures, and only able to look against the Sun, and she is thought the royalest, and truest begotten Eagle, that can behold t●… bright Sun without winking. So I have heard indeed, said I; and it much repenteth me, that when I undertook a journey hither, I had not plucked out mine own eyes, and put the eyes of an Eagle into my head: for I am now come unperfect, and not royally prepared, but rather as a misbegotten mongrel, cast off, and forsaken by my friends. It is in your power, said he, presently to make one of your eyes royal: 
How his sight was cleared.  for if you will but arise alittle, and lay aside the wing of the Vulture, and only keep the other wing on, according to the situation of your wings your right eye shall be sensible of any thing: the other must continue dark do what you can, because that side is defective: I care not, said I, if my right eye only be as apprehensive as an Eagle, it will serve my turn well enough: for I have noted, that Carpenters, when they would lay their line alight indeed to square out their timber, use to look but with one eye: And with that word, I did as Empedocles had advised me who by little and little vanished away, and was dissolved into smoke. When I was winged as I ought to be, upon a sudden a great light did shine round about me, and all things that before were hidden from me, were now perspicuous and easy to be discerned, wherefore, stooping downwards towards the earth, I perfectly descried both Cities and men, and every thing that was done; not only under the open prospect of heaven, but what was acted in private houses, which men thought could never come to light. There saw I Ptolemy, 
The abominable acts, and tragical ends of deverse wicked Princes and Tyrants.  committing incest with his sister; Lysimachus, betraying by his son; Antiochus, the son of Seleucus, falling in love with Stratonice, his mother in law: Alexander the Thessalian, slain by his wife: Antigonus adulterating his son's wife, and Attalus poisoned by his son: on the other side, I saw Arsaces' killing his wife, and the Eunuch Arbaces drawing his sword against Arsaces: Spartinus the Median by his Guard dragged out from a banquet by the heels, and his head wounded with a standing cup of gold: the like was to be seen done in Lysia, and among the Scythians and Thracians, in the Courts of their Kings, adulteries, murders, treacheries, rapines, perjuries, fears, and false-heartedness towards their friends: thus was I occupied in beholding the affairs of Kings. But the acts of private persons were fare more ridiculous, for I beheld them also, 
The base conditions of sundry Philosophers.  and saw Hermodorus the Epicure, forswearing himself for a thousand Dragmes; Agathocles the Stoic, going to law with his Scholar for the hire of his teaching; Clinias the Rhetorician stealing a piece of Plate out of the Temple of Aesculapius, and Herophilus the Cynic asleep in a bawdy-house: what should I tell you of other men, of whom some were breakers up of houses, some wranglers in law-suits, some usurers, some exactors: indeed the sight was most variable and full of diversity.  Friend. 
You have done friendly, Menippus, in imparting this unto me, and I know it could not choose but give you extraordinary content.  Menippus, 
To deliver every thing in order, good friend, is altogether impossible, it was work enough for me to see it: but the total of what was done, made such a show as 
* Iliad. 18. à v. 480. ad v. 608.  Homer described upon Achilles' shield: in one place were merry meetings and marriages: in another trials of suits and courts of justice: here was one sacrificing for joy of his good fortune; and his next neighbour in heaviness and mourning: 
d He speaks here according to the customs, conditions, and employments of these several Nations.  when I looked towards the Geteses I saw them fight, & turning my sight to the Scythians I saw them wand'ring about in wagons: then casting mine eyes on the other side, I beheld the Egyptians tilling their land; the Phoenician trading in merchandise, and the Cilician practising piracy, the Laconian was lashed with whips, and the Athenian was going to law: all these being in action at one instant, you may imagine what a confused apparition was presented to my view: as if many singing men should be brought into a room together, or rather many quires of singing men, and every man commanded to sing a several tune, and strive to make his own song good, and with the strength of his voice to drown the notes of the other. I beseech you what is your conceit of such a noise?  Friend. 
O Menippus, it must needs be both foolish and offensive to the ear.  Menippus, 
Believe me, friend, such singers as these, are all they that dwell upon the earth: and of such unmusicall discords, is the whole life of man composed: and not only of untunable notes, but of disproportionable motions, and no man takes notice of it, until the master of the quire drive them every man off the stage, and tell them he hath no more cause to use them: then all at once are stricken silent, and cease from that confused and disorderly song: but in this variable and disparible Theatre of the world, though all things appeared most absurd and peevish, yet I thought I had most cause to deride them, that contend about the limits of their lands, and take much upon them because they have corn growing in 
e Sicyon was a city of Peloponnesus, between Corinth & Achaia. Pausan. in Attic.  Sicyonia, or lands lying in that part of 
f A town in Attica. Thucy. l. 2.  Marathen which borders upon 
g A town on the borders of Attica.  Oenoe, or are Lords of a thousand acres among the 
h Acharnae is a town of Attica distant some 63 furlongs from Athens. Thuc. lib. 2.  Acharnens: for all Greece in my eye exceeded not the breadth of four fingers, of which the country of Attica was the least part: and I therefore could but conceive how little was left for our rich men to be proud of, when the greatest landed man amongst them seemed to possess scarcely the quantity of an 
i The least quantity that can be imagined.  Epicurean Atom: then casting mine eye upon Peloponnesus, and in it beholding the country of 
k A territory between Argia and Laconia, towards the sea side, about which there was a battle fought betwixt the Lacedæmonians & Argives, wherein both sides thought they had the victory. Thucyd. lib. 5.  Cynuria, I remembered how many Lacedæmonians and Argives lost their lives in one day for a plot of ground hardly so big as an Egyptian bean: again, when I saw men think well of themselves because they were so well stored with gold in rings and cupboards of plate, I could not possibly contain my laughter, when whole 
l A mountain in Thrace above the Pierian bay. Thucyd. l. 2.  Pangaeum and all the metals in it, were no bigger in quantity then the smallest seed.  Friend. 
O happy Menippus, for enjoying so rare a spectacle! but I beseech you let me hear somewhat of men and cities, what show thy made when you were so high.  Menippus. 
I am sure you have often seen a swarm of emmets: how some of them troth up and down: some issue out, some return again into their hold: one carries out filth: another snatcheth up a piece of a bean bull, or part of a wheat corn, and runs away with it as fast as he can: to these the life of man hath most resemblance: some build houses, some affect popularity, some authority, some will be Musicians, some Philosophers: and their cities not fare unlike the houses of emmets: if you think it a poor comparison to liken men to such small creatures, peruse the ancient 
m Most of the ancient fables of the Greeks' had their beginning in Thessaly, & the countries thereabouts. Plin. Nat. Hist. l 4. in prooem.  Thessalian fables, and you shall find that the 
n jupiter at the prayer of his son Aeacus King of Aegin●, an Island of Greece, transformed a great multitude of Aunts, which he saw in a hollow oak into men, and gave them unto him, Juno having before by a fearful pestilence depopulated his whole country. They were called Myrmidons from 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, which signifieth in Greek an Ant. Ovid Metam.  Myrmidons, a warlike nation had their first original from emmets. When I had thus seen enough to serve my turn, and satisfied myself with laughter at it, I set my wings together again, to take my flight to the habitation of heavenly Jove: and had not mounted a full furlong up, but the Moon with a feminine voice, spoke to me in this manner, Menippus, well may you speed: let me entreat you to carry a thing from me to Jupiter: what may it be said I, for I will not refuse you, unless it be heavy: only a message, quoth she, not offensive, but a petition, which I would have you prefer in my name to Jupiter: for I am weary of my life, Menippus, to hear so many monstrous speeches pass out of the mouths of Philosophers concerning me, who it seems have nothing else to do, but busy themselves about me, enquiring what I am made of, and of what quantity I am, and for what cause I appear sometimes half, sometimes three quarters: some say I am a region inhabitable, some that I hang over the sea like a looking glass, and every man puts upon me whatsoever comes in his own conceit, nay, they will not allow the very light I have to be mine own, but say I stole it from another, and had it from the Sun above, and never will let me alone, but seek to make debate and variance betwixt me and him that is my brother, not satisfying themselves with the opprobrious speeches they have given out against him, whom they make no better than a stone, or some kind of mettle made red-hot with fire: yet have I seen some villainies abominable and beastly committed in the night time by these men that look so severely by daylight, and carry so settled a countenance, that are so grave in their habit, and so much respected by simple men, which I forbore to speak of, because I thought it unmannerly to publish and reveal their nocturnal conversation, or bring their lives as it were upon the stage: for when I found any of them, either playing the whoremaster, or the thief, or occupied in any such work of darkness, I would pluck in my head under a cloud, & cover my face, that every man should not see what was acted by old men, adorned with such abundant beards & carrying such an opinion of virtue and honesty: yet will they never give over to lacerate me with ill language, and abuse me in the highest degree: insomuch, that (I swear unto thee, by the night) I have often been in hand to remove my seat further, to avoid the being subject to their clamorous and chattering tongues: remember to acquaint Jupiter with this, and tell him farther, that it is impossible for me to remain in my region, unless he utterly confound these natural Philosophers, and stop the mouths of the Logicians, 
o Three principal Schools for Philosophers, from whence as many sorts derive their names.  blow up the Stoa, set fire on the Academy, and suffer no more disputations to be held in Peripatus: so may I hap to live in peace, that am now daily dilaniated and quartered out amongst them. It shall be done, said I, and so struck up directly towards Heaven, 
* Odies. lib. 10. v. 98.  and had soon lost sight of all that was done either by men or beasts, and within a while, the Moon itself began to be lessened, and the Earth was utterly hid from me: 
His arrival at Heaven.  then I left the Sun upon my right hand, and taking my flight thorough the Stars, the third day I arrived at Heaven. And at the first, thought it my best course, attired as I was, to press in suddenly amongst them, supposing I should easily rest undiscovered, because on the one half I was an Eagle, a fowl, which I knew of old, was very familiar with Jove: but afterwards I bethought myself, that my Vulture's wing could not possibly be concealed; wherefore I held it best not to be too bold, but approaching more near, knocked at the door: Mercury heard me by and by, and asked my name: 
The Messenger of the Gods.  which, when I had delivered, he went back again as fast as he could, to tell it to Jupiter: within a while after I was called in, terribly trembling with fear, and found them all sitting together in the same taking, extremely vexed with care and anxiety; for my strange adventure put them all into no small perplexity, deeming all men would dare to wing themselves in the same manner, and do as I had done. Jupiter then with a fierce and truculent aspect, fixing his eye upon me, said: 
* Odies. 1. v. 107.  What art thou for a man? from what City comest thou? and who are thy parents? At the sound of his voice, I was stricken almost dead with fear, and stood like a dumb man, astonished with the thunder of his words: but in a while, recovering myself, I delivered the whole matter to him from the beginning; My desire to be taught in high points, my repair to Philosophers for that purpose, the contradiction I found amongst them, my distraction by that means, my device thereupon, my wings, and every thing else till my arrival at Heaven, ultimating my speech with the message from the Moon: whereat he smiling and clearing his countenance a little, what should we talk of 
p Two Giants the Sons of Aloeus, that tore up Mount Ossa by the roots, and set it on Olympus, and Pelion on that again, that they might by that means reach to heaven and fight against the Gods, being but nine years old a piece.  Otus and Ephialtes, said he, when Menippus dare put such an adventure in practice? but for the present you shall be my guest: to morrow we will sit in counsel upon the business you come for, and then you shall have your dispatch: with that, rising up, he went towards that part of heaven, where all things might best be heard, for it was time of day to attend to prayers: and by the way as he was going, questioned me upon earthly matters, what price wheat was in Greece, whether the last hard winter did not pinch us shrewdly, and whether grass wanted not more rain: then he asked me whether any of 
q Odies. 11. v. 311. A rare Athenian Carver, and chief famed for the Image of Jupiter Olympius, which was wrought by him in Ivory, and accounted one of the seven wonders of the world. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 7. cap. 38. & lib. 34. cap. 8.  Phidias works were now to be had; why the Athenians had given over the 
r A yearly feast kept by the Athenians heretofore in the honour of Jupiter.  Diasia feast so many years, whether they intended to solemnise the 
s Games and masteries, as running wrestling, etc. Solemnised every fifth year on mount Olympus, in honour of Jupiter, by which solemnity the Grecians reckoned their years, as the 1, 2, or 3. year of such an olympiad.  Olympian games, and whether the thiefs were taken that rob his temple at 
t In this place there is a cold spring, into which, if a burning torch be dipped, it will put it out, but being out before, it will set it on fire. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 2. cap. 103.  Dodane. When I had answered him to these questions as I could, but tell me Menippus, I pray thee, said he, what do men think of me? that thou art a Lord of sovereign majesty, said I, and king of all the Gods: O thou dost but jest, said he, for I know their froward dispositions well enough though thou never tell it. Indeed the time hath been, when I was the only Prophet, the only Physician, and all in all amongst them: every street, every assembly was filled with the fame of Jupiter: my temples of Dodone and 
u A City in Achaia. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 4. cap. 5. He brings in Jupiter ask these idle questions, and making this complaint, to show the vanity of the Poets and others, who impose such weaknesses and trivial cares upon the Gods.  Pisa carried away the credit from them all; the smoke of sacrifices ascended up so thick, that I was scarcely able to open mine eyes for it: but since Apollo erected his oracle in Delphus, and 
w The god of Physic.  Aesculapius set up shop in Pergamus, 
x The name of Diaana amongst the Thracians, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Hesych.  Berdis had her temple in Thrace, Anubis in Egypt, and Diana in Ephesus; all the world goeth a gadding after them, there they keep their solemn meetings, and consent to offer their 
y A sacrifice of a hundred Oxen, or other Cattles.  Hecatombs: but I am so far out of date with them, that they think it honour enough for me, if I be sacrificed unto every fifth year in Olympus: therefore you may find mine altars more cold, than either 
z Which were only written, never practised.  Plat●…s laws, or 
a An old Logician and quite out of use.  Chrysippus' syllogisms: with such talk as this we passed away the time, till we came to the place where he was to sit down and hearken to men's prayers: There were certain holes in heaven, with little covers, set upon them in order one by another, like the lids of wells: and by every one of them stood a chair of gold: Jupiter therefore, scenting himself in the first, and taking off the cover, gave care to those that made their prayers to him; 
The vain prayers and petitions of men.  and certainly there was great variety and repugnancy in their petitions: for I also stooping myself downwards, was made partaker of them, which were to this purpose. O Jupiter, that I might be a king: O Jupiter, send mine onions and garlic to grow well this year: O Jupiter, that my father would die shortly: another prayed, O that I might survive my wife, O that my plot against my my brother may be concealed, O that I might prevail in my suit at law, O that I might get the garland at Olympus: the Mariners prayed, some for a North wind, some for a South: The husbandman prayed for rain, and the fuller for Sunshine: Jupiter heard them all, and seriously examined every man's prayers: yet, would not give way to every thing was asked, 
* Iliad. lib. 16. v. 250. He derides in this the opinion of men in those times, who thought the gods had respect more to the value of the sacrifice, than the will of the offerer.  but some he granted like a gracious father, and some he denied: the righteous prayers he admitted to come up to him through the hole, and laid them on his right hand: the unjust he sent back again without their errand, and blew them down, that they might never come nigh to heaven: yet, at one prayer I perceived he was put hard to it: for two men had made their petitions contrary, and promised equal sacrifices upon performance; so that he knew not which way to incline, but was driven to an Academical suspense, not able to pronounce certainly of any thing, but like sceptical 
b Who of a Painter became a Philosopher, and father of the Sceptic sect who professed no determination, or settled opinion, but a continual doubting in all things.  Pyrrhe, referred it to further knowledge: When he had done his part at hearing prayers, he removed to the next chair, and taking off the next cover, downwards to oaths and protestations, and when he had enough of them, 
A perjured Philosopher, see before.  and crushed in pieces Hermodorus the Epicure, he went to the next seat, and listened to oracles, answers, and auguries, and from thence shifted to the door of sacrifices, through which the smoke ascended, and brought with it to Jupiter the name of every one that offered. 
Jupiter disposes of the weather.  When he had done with these, he was to take order with the winds, and the weather what they should do: to day let there be rain in Scythia, lightning and thunder in Lybia, and snow in Greece: let the North winde blow in Lydia, and the South winde be still: let the West winde make tempestuous the Adriaticke sea, and let some thousand bushels of hail be scattered in Cappadocia. When he had made a dispatch of all, we went to supper, for it was high time to eat: so Mercury took me, & placed me with 
c Inferior gods and of the lowest rank.  Pan, and the Corybantes, and Attis, and Sabazius: those inquiline and uncompleat Gods, where Ceres served us with bread, Bacchus with wine, Hercules with flesh, Venus with 
d The Myrtle tree is consecrated to Venus. There was in Rome an ancient altar dedicated Veneri Myrteae. Plin. lib. 15. cap. 29.  myrtle berries, and Neptune with fish. I had a taste also by chance of the Nectar and Ambrosia: for honest Ganymed, out of his love to mankind, no sooner could see Jupiter look another way, but he would be sure to fit me with a cup or two of it presently. Yet, the prime gods (as 
* Iliad. 5. v 341. He scoffs at Homer's bold determination.  Homer saith in a certain place, who I think had seen them as well as I) neither eat meat, nor drink wine, but feed upon Ambrosia, and tipple one to another in Nectar: for their most pleasing diet, is the savour of the sacrifices carried up with the smoke, and the blood of the oblations which sacrificers power upon their altars: But whilst we were at supper, Apollo played upon his harp, and 
e Foster father, and tutor to Bacchus.  Silenus danced, the Muses stood up, and sung unto us Hesiodus his Theogonia, and the first Ode of Pindarus sonnets, 
* Iliad. 2. v. 1.  and when we were all well satisfied, every man went to his rest, 
f Apollo is always pictured like a young man without a beard.  to my thinking, reasonable well whittled: but, though men and gods slept all night long, yet I could take no rest, for many thoughts ran in my head, which kept me waking, especially, how Apollo could live to that age, and never have any beard: or how there should be night in heaven, and the Sun still resident among them, and feast together with them. At the last I began to nod a little: 
Jupiter calls the gods together.  But Jupiter getting up betimes in the morning caused an assembly to be proclaimed, and when they were all come together, began with them in this manner. The cause of my conventing you at this time, is the stranger that arrived here yesterday: I had formerly intended to tell you my mind touching these Philosophers, 
His speech against the Philosophers.  chief incited there to by the Moon, and the abuses she chargeth them withal, and therefore purpose not to trouble you with any further matter, for there is a kind of men lately spread in the world that are slothful, contentious, vain glorious, envious, gluttonous, foolish, arrogant, injurious, 
Iliad. lib. 18. v. 104. in the speech of Achilles to his mother Thetis.  and as Homer saith * an unprofitable burden of the earth: these have cut themselves into sects, and devised many different and inextricable Labyrinths of argumentation, some naming themselves Stoics, some Academics, some Epicures, and some Peripatetics, with many other more foolish titles than these: and involving themselves within the venerable name of virtue, carry their countenance aloft, and stroke out their beards at length, and traversing the world, under a counterfeit habit, cover most abominable conditions, like our ordinary actors in Tragedies, from whom if you detract their vizards and brave apparel, the remainder will be apish and discover a poor fellow, hired to play his part for a few pieces of silver: they being no better than these, yet live in contempt of all men and publish monstrous opinions of the gods: if they can draw in a simple young man, they make virtue the common place of their discourse, and teach them to make intricate and indissoluble arguments, speaking to their scholar continually in praise of patience and temperance, & in detestation of riches & pleasure: but when they are alone by themselves, no such gluttons as they, no such lechers, yea, they will lick up the very dross of silver: and which is most intolerable, they will be men of no function neither in public not private, but a superfluous kind of people, 
* Iliad. lib. 2. v. 202. The words of Ulysses to the common soldiers.  without employment either in war or peace: and yet condemn all others, making it their only practice, with multitude of bitter speeches and reviling terms to abuse other men: He is thought the bravest fellow amongst them that can brawl loudest, and hath the most audacious and temerarious tongue to deliver lewd reports. If a man should ask one of these fellows, that enforce and strain themselves so fare to exclaim and cry out against others, I beseech you Sir, what are you good for yourself, and what place in the common weal do you supply? he must needs say, if he will say justly, and according to truth, that, to be a seaman, or a husbandman, or a soldier, or a tradesman, I hold it base: I roar, and go in rags, I wash in cold water, and wear no shoes in winter, yet, like a Momus, I can carp at other men: if a rich man make a feast, or keep his whore, I will be sure to have about with him, and hit him in the teeth with it: but if any dear friend of mine lie sick and diseased, and like to perish for food or physic, I will not own him: These be the cattle I complain of, O ye gods, and the worst among them all, are they that are called Epicures: for they be the men that do most abuse us, and go nearest to the quick, affirming that the gods are neither careful of men's affairs, nor respectful of any thing that is done it is therefore high time to look about you; for if this doctrine should once be put into men's heads, you are like enough to starve for hunger: for who will offer you any sacrifice, and look to be never the better for its ye likewise all heard by the stranger that came yesterday, what complaint the Moon hath made against them, which I beseech you consider well of, and take such order, as may best tend to the benefit of mankind, and the safety of yourselves: when Jupiter had said thus much, the whole assembly was moved, and cried out suddenly all at once, destroy them with thunder, burn them up with lightning, cast them headlong into hell, into Tartarus, as were the giants: but Jupiter again commanding silence, said, your will shall be performed, and they all with all their Logic shall be confounded utterly: but at this present, I can by no means take punishment of any man: for you know we are to keep holiday these four next months, during which time, I have taken truce with all the world: but the beginning of the next spring those accursed caitiffs shall cursedly perish, 
Iliad 1. v. 528.  by the dismal dint of my terrible thunder dart, (which he confirmed with his royal assent) as for Menippus, said he, this doom shall pass upon him, his wings shall be taken from him, lest he should return a second voyage, and Mercury shall take him this day to set him again upon the earth: and when he had so said, he dismissed the assembly: and Mercury taking hold of my right care, so carried me dangling down, and on the morrow towards evening, set me in 
g A street in Athens, so called from Ceramus the son of Bacchus and Ariadne. Paus. in Att.  Ceramicus: You have heard all, my good friend, all the news I can tell you out of heaven, and am now going to relate the same to the Philosophers that walk 
h A porch or walk in Athens, so called for the variety of pictures wherewith it was adorned (for 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in Greek signifies variously coloured) In this porch were to be seen these pieces, First the Athenians set in battle array against the Lacedæmonians in Oenoe a town of the Argives. In the middle wall, Theseus leading the Athenians in fight against the Amazons. In the third place the battle of Marathon, in which the Persians were overthrown by the Athenians, all pictured to the l●fe, and amongst the rest Miltiades, Echetlus, and Callimachus. Pausan. in Attic.  in Poecile.   

MENIPPUS, OR THE NECROMANTIE.  Menippus. 
HAi●… dwelling house, I joy to come in sight  
Of thee again, being now returned to light. 
Eurip. in Herc. fur.   Philonides. 
Is not this Menippus the Cynic? certainly it must needs be he, or I never saw Menippus, but what mean these strange acontrements? a hat, a harp, and a Lion's skin: I will be so bold as salute him: Menippus, well met: out of what climate are you arrived, for you have not been seen in the city this many a day:  Menippus. 

Eurip. Hecub. v. 1.  From dead men's cells, and gates of death I come,  
Where hell is seated fare from sight of Sun.  Philonides. 
Good god, and hath Menippus been dead, and revived again, and no body ware of it?  Menipp. 

Euripid.  Not so, Hell gave me entrance though a living man.  Philonides. 
What moved thee to take such an uncouth journey in hand?  Menipp. 

Euripid.  Youth set me on, and boldness more than youth.  Philonides. 
I pray thee no more of this Tragic stuff, but speak thy mind plainly to me without any jambickes: what means this habit? and what necessity enforced thee to travel those low countries? I am sure the way could give thee no great content.  Menippus. 
O my friend, 

* Odyss. 11. v. 163. Ulysses' to his mother's ghost.  The occasion of my journey thither was  
To consult with the soul of wise Tirefias.   Philonides: 
Is the man well in his wits? me thinks thou shouldst not rap out verses so roundly to them that come to salute thee in love:  Menippus. 
Pardon me for it, honest friend, I pray you: I have been lately so conversant with Euripides, and Homer, that my belly is ready to burst with verses: they tumble out of my mouth whether I will or no: but first let me hear from you how the world goes upon earth, and what men do in the city.  Philonides. 
Faith, follow the old fashion: they are no changelings: for still they extort with all extremity, forswear themselves abominably, oppress one another most unconscionably, and get all they can, be it never so basely.  Menippus. 
O miserable men, and most unhappy: little know they what laws have passed below, and what decrees are there established against rich men: which by 
a A three headed dog that keeps hell gates.  Cerberus I swear, they shall never be able to avoid.  Philonides. 
Is it true indeed? are there any new edicts put out in those parts, touching matters done here above?  Menippus. 
Many I assure you, which I may not reveal, nor disclose the secrets of the kingdom, lest a bill of impiety should be preferred against me, to Rhadamanthus. 
One of the judges of hell.   Philonides. 
Nay, good Menippus, for god's sake, let me entreat you: envy not your friends the benefit of your relation: you shall utter it to him that knows how to keep counsel, and already initiated in those kind of mysteries.  Menippus. 
You enjoin me a hard task, which cannot be undertaken with any great security: yet for your sake, I will make bold a little; for it is decreed there, that these rich and well moneyed men, that keep their gold as fast locked as ever was 
c The daughter of Acrisius kept close by her father in a brazen tower, but Jupiter coming to her in a shower of gold, lay with her, and begot Perseus. Ovid. Metam. lib. 6. The occasion of the journey.  Danae,—  Philonides. 
Nay, good sir, forbear the decree, till you have told me that first, which I am first desirous to hear; namely, the cause of your journey, what guide you had to conduct you, and then in order, what you saw or heard there: for I know you a man so observant of rarities, that nothing worth the sight or hearing could escape you.  Menippus. 
I will humour you in this also: for what will not a man do, importuned by his friend? and first open mine own conceit unto you, and the occasion that drew me to this descent: for when I was a young boy, and heard what Homer and Hesiodus had written of wars and hurliburlies that were, not only among the demigods, but even the great gods themselves, their adulteries, their oppressions, their rapines, their dissensions, 
Too much liberty used by the Poets in their reports of the gods.  their expulsions of parents, and their marriages of brothers. I thought all this to be very well done, and grew into a good liking of it: But coming to man's estate, I heard that the laws gave precepts contrary to the Poets, forbidding all adultery, dissension, and oppression: which brought me into such a distemper, that I knew not what to do with myself: 
Menippus for satisfaction rep●… 〈◊〉 the Philosophers.  for I imagined the gods would never have been lecherous, or contentious, if they had not thought well of it, nor the lawmakers have enjoined the contrary, if it had not been for our good. Being driven into this kind of difficulty, I thought I could not do better, then betake myself to those kind of men whom we call Philosophers, and become a disciple of theirs, beseeching them to do what they would with me, so that they would settle me in some direct and constant course of life: 
Their difference in opinion.  With this intention, I committed myself to them, and unwittingly, as the proverb saith, to shun the smoke, cast myself into the fire: for among them, I found more ignorance and ambiguity, than ever I was in before: insomuch, that they made me think it a golden life, to be an ignorant man still: for some exhorted wholly to pleasure, and only to prosecute that by all means, as wherein felicity chief consisted: another would have us labour continually, and toil, and afflict our bodies, 
In his works and days, the first book. v. 287.  live beggarly and basely, grumbling at every thing, and railing at every man, and perpetually to have in our mouths, the old saying of Hesiodus, concerning virtue, and sweat, and the ascent of the height: some would have us despise money, and hold the possession thereof to be a thing indifferent: others again, affirm riches to be good: What should I stand now to speak of the world, that daily heard so many contrarieties come from them in arguing about Ideas, 
The strangeness of their terms.  and Incorporalities, and their Atoms, and Vacuities? and a multitude of such like terms as cannot be imagined: And, which was most strange, every of them holding opinions as opposite as could be one to another, would produce arguments most strong and invincible to make his party good: 
Their obstinacy in arguing.  so that if a man should affirm any thing to be hot, and the same to be cold, yet could not for his life hold disputations with them, though he knew well enough, that nothing could be both hot and cold together at the same instant: and I found myself for all the world like a man in a slumber, sometimes nodding one way, sometimes another: but the worst was, to see the men that taught those lessons, practise the contrary in their actions: 
Their lives contrary to their rules.  they that persuade others to despise money, were most earnest to get it themselves; fall out for money, teach young men for money, and undertake any thing for money: They that speak most against honour, wrought all the means they could to attain it: & though most of them cried out against pleasure, yet in private they applied nothing else. Seeing myself utterly deprived of this hope, I fell into a greater agony than before; yet, it was some comfort to me, (though I were an ignorant, and fare out of the way of truth) that I had wise men, and of deep understanding to bear me company. But as I lay waking one night in my bed with thought hereof, musing with myself what to do. 
His second resolution.  I could hit upon no better devise, then to take a journey to Babylon, to some of the Magicians there, that had been Scholars and successors to 
d Who was thought to be the first inventor of Magic amongst the Persians, and was, as Pliny cities it from Eudorus, six thousand years before the death of Plato: it is said that he lived in the wilderness only upon cheese for twenty years together. Plin. nat. hist. l. 30. cap. 1. & l. 11. cap. 42. He is taken by some to have been Cham that accursed son of Noah.  Zoroastres, to see what they could do for me: for I had heard they were able with charms and incantations, to break open the gates of Hell, and bring any man safely thither, and send him as safely back again: I therefore thought it best to purchase my passage thither at the hands of some of these men, and when I was got in, to seek out 
e A Prophet of Thebes, who having been both man and woman, and so had experience of both sexes, was made judge in a controversy betwixt Jupiter and Juno, whether in the act of love received most delight, and judging it against Juno on the woman's side, was by her strooke blind: but recompensed by Jupiter with the gift of prophecy. Ovid. Metam. 3. Homer affirms him to be the only wise man among the dead. Odyss. 10. v. 494.  Tiresias the Boeotian, and learn from him, (who was both a Prophet and a wise man) what life it were best for me to make choice of. With these cogitations, I start up with all speed to prepare for Babylon: when I was come thither, I soon fell in league with one of these Chaldaeans, a man of profound wisdom, and rare experience in the Art; for his head was all grey, and his beard of the largest size, demonstrating a great deal of gravity: his name was Mithrobarzanes, and after many prayers and entreaties, had much ado upon any terms to work him to be my guide▪ but when the man and I were agreed, he first brought me down to Euphrates, and there for nine and twenty days together, beginning with the Moon, from change to change, he washed me over: and every morning at the Sun rising, muttered out many mumbling words, which I understood not: for they came from him, as from a stammering crier, that wants utterance to deliver his proclamations, 

After what manner the Magician prepared him for the journey.  
Their meat.   and therefore huddles them up so thick, that they cannot be conceived: when the charm was ended, he spit thrice in my face, and so returned, not once looking upon any that met him: our food was nuts, our drink milk, and honey mixed with wine, and the water of the river 
f A river running by Susa, of which water only the Kings of Persia did drink Herod. lib. 1.  Choaspis, and our lodging, the green grass under the open sky: when I was sufficiently dieted for the purpose, he brought me about midnight to the river 
g 
A river of Armenia running into Araxes. Plut.  
After what sort he charmed him.  
Pythagoras was of opinion that sea onions being hung over a door would stop the entrance of all not some things.  
Their attire.   Tigris: there he purged me and wiped me clean again, and hallowed me with a torch, with sea onions, and many other drugs, still mumbling the same charm, as he was about it, and when he had sufficiently enchanted me, he went round about me, that no apparition might affright me, and then returned to his house, bringing me back in such case as I was, and afterwards prepared for our passage by water: then did he attire himself in a Magical vestment, not much unlike to a Median robe, and brought these things to me, and set this 
h A Lion's skin for Hercules, a harp for Orpheus, and a hat for Ulysses, according to the several habits of these three persons. The two former are commonly known, the reason of the latter is this, Ulysses being sent far by the rest of the Princes of Greece to join with them in the Trojan war, loath to leave his wife and young children counterfeited himself mad, and making as if he would go to plough, yoked an ox and a horse together and put upon his head a ploughman's hat, in which habit been ever since pictured.  hat upon my head, put a lion's skin upon my body, and delivered this harp into my hand, enjoining me, that if any man asked my name, I should not say I was Menippus, but either Hercules, or Ulysses, or Orpheus.  Philonides. 
And why so, Menippus, I understand not the mystery either of thy habit, or of thy names?  Menippus. 
That may easily be conceived by any man, neither is there any great danger in uttering it, for these persons living before our time, had all likewise descended into hell: and he thought that if he could make me carry any resemblance of any of them, I might the better escape the guard of Aeacus, and pass without control: for they having seen the like before, might let me slip by them in this Tragic habit unsuspected. As soon as the day appeared, we made to the river to set forwards on our journey where his boat was ready for him, and the sacrifices, and the wine mixed with honey, and other matter fit for ceremony: all which we jaded, 
Homer. Odyss. 11●. v. 5. Speaking of Ulysses' journey to hell.  and then entered ourselves with sad cheer, shedding plenty of tears from our eyes, and so were carried a long the river, till we came to the marish or lake, into which Euphrates emptieth itself: and passing over it, came to a certain desert country, so thick of woods 
i 
He means the same perhaps with Homer's Cimmerians. Odies. 11.  
The Magician's conjuration ..   that a man could see no sun, there we arrived, Mithrobarzanes leading the way: then first we digged a pit, and killed our sheep, sprinkling the blood about the pits brim: after that, the Magician taking a burning torch in his hand, muttered no more with a submiss voice, but roaring it out as loud as he could, called upon all the spirits and devils in hell, the direful furies, 
k The moon as governess of such works of darkness.  Nocturnal Hecate, and infernal 
l The Queen of hell daughter to Ceres.  Proserpina, adding sundry barbarous and unknown names of many syllables in length: presently, the whole place wherein we stood began to stir, and the force of the charm made the earth cleave in sunder, so that we might hear Cerberus bark a fare off, and the business went on with a great deal of sadness and sorrow: the Prince of the dead below was terrified and astonished, for the greatest part of his kingdom was laid open to our view, the lake, the 
† A fiery river in hell.  Pyriphlegethon, and the palace of Pluto himself. But for all that, we were so bold as to venture in thorough the hole, and found Rhadamanthus almost dead with fear: Cerberus barked apace, and began to stir: but I had no sooner touched the strings of my harp, but the music brought him a sleep immediately: when we were come to the lake, we had like to have been disappointed of our passage: for the barge had her full fraught before, of such as did nothing but howl and cry all the way they went: for they were all wounded men, some in the leg, some in the head, and some in other parts: I verily believe they came lately out of some skirmish: but honest 
m Pluto's ferryman.  Charon, as soon as he saw the Lion's skin, took me for Hercules, and received me into his barge, transporting me very friendly, and when we got to shore, directed us which way to go: Being now in the dark Mithrobarzanes, went before, and I followed him at the heels, till we came into a spacious meadow, set all over with 
n 
There are diverse kinds of Asphodill, the white, the yellow, the bulbouse etc. Hesiod. in his works the 1. book, commends it for a wholesome herb to eat.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
Fools, that half's more than all they cannot tell. Nor th' benefit of Malues and asphodel: and hence it seems the Poets feign that the souls of the dead do feed upon it.   Aphodelus, where the ghosts of the dead, with a chirping voice, hovered and flickered about us, and going a little further, we came to the judgement place of 
o 
One of the three judges of hell.  
Who are our accusers after death.   Minos, who sat upon an high throne, and by him on the one side stood the tormenting spirits, the evil angels, and the furies: on the other side were brought in a great company tied in a long chain one after another, which they said were adulterers, whoremongers, extortioners, flatterers, sycophants, and a whole rabble of such rascals as in their life time did they cared not what: in another place by themselves were brought in the rich men, and the usurers, with pale countenances, side bellied, and gouty limbs, every one in a collar and chain that weighed two talents at the least: we also were got into the room amongst them, and saw all that was done, and heard what answer every man made for himself, for there were strange, and new found Rhetoricians ready to accuse them.  Philonides. 
Who might they be? let me hear that also.  Menippus. 
Dost thou remember the shadows, that men's bodies do yield by light of the Sun?  Philonides. 
Very well.  Menippus. 
The same are our accusers when we are dead, & bear witness against us, laying to our charge those things that were done by us in our life time, & their testimony is taken to be very authentical, because they are always present with us, & never relinquish us: But after that Minos had strictly examined them all, he sent them every one to the region of the unrighteous there to be punished according to the quality of their offence, especially taxing them that were so proud upon their riches and dignities, that they thought themselves worthy of adoration, much condemning their moment any stateliness and contempt of others not remembering themselves to be mortal, and that all their happiness was but caduke, and unlasting: And they, when they were stripped of all their bravery, I mean riches, gentility, and authority, stood naked hanging down their heads, which I was very glad to see: and him that I knew, I would closely creep unto, and put him in remembrance what a jolly fellow he was in his life time, and how much he took upon him then, when many would be waiting every morning at his gates, attending his coming abroad, crowding, and pressing one upon another, when they were locked out by his servants, and hardly at all procure to have a sight of him who never shown himself, but glittering and shining, in purple and gold, and changeable colours; thinking he made him a fortunate man, to whom he would vouchsafe to give his hand to kiss, and this would vex them to the very heart: yet Minos, me thought showed himself partial in one sentence that past from him: for Dionysius the Sicilian was by 
p A noble man of Sicily, familiar with Plato: he was brother in law to Dionysius the elder, and drove Dionysius the younger out of Syracuse. Plutarch.  Dion accused of many heinous & abominable crimes, which were justified against him, by the testimony of the 
q The school of the Stoics.  Stoa: but 
r Aristippus, was a Philosopher, and a courtier, very great with Dionysius the tyrant of Sicily, & is therefore brought here by Lucian, speaking in his behalf.  Aristippus the Cyrenian stood forth to speak for him, (who is of great note among them, and may do much in hell) and when he was even at the point to be cast to the 
s A mountain in Lycia, whose upper part was full of Lions, and burnt heretofore like Aetna, the middle was fair pasture ground, and the bottom full of snakes and serpents: it was first made inhabitable by Bellerophon, and hence arose that fable of the Poets, how he overcame the Chimaera, a wonderful strange beast, which Homer in the 6. of his Iliads v. 81. describes thus. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. A Lion's front, Goats middle, Dragon's tail, which doth strange force of burning flames exhale.  Chimaera, got the judgement reversed, alleging how liberal he had been of his purse to many learned men: then leaving the court of judgement, we came to the place of torment, where we heard and saw many things, my good friend, which moved me to great commiseration: the lashing of them that were whipped, the roaring of them that were broiled upon the coals, the racks, the stocks, the wheels, Chimara dilaniating, and Cerberus devouring; all were tormented and punished together: the king and the slave, the prince and the poor, the rich and the beggar, and every man bewailed the wickedness of his life: some I saw whom I knew that had been dead but of late, which shrunk out of sight, and turned away from me for shame: if any chanced to cast their eye upon me, it was with a base and servile aspect: and who would think it, that were so majestical and scornful in their life time; but to the poorer sort, the one moiety of their penance was remitted: for they had liberty to rest themselves sometimes, and then were called to it again. There saw I all the fabulous stories acted before mine eyes, 
t Turned upon a wheel.  Ixion, and 
u Rolling a great stone.  Sisyphus, and the Phrygian 
w Hungering and thirsting in the sight of meat & drink.  Tantalus in a pitiful taking, and the 
x And begotten by Jupiter, but attempting to ravish Latona, was shot to death by Apollo, and lies in hell with a vulture continually tiring upon his entrailes.  earthborn Tityus: good god, what a huge creature he was? 
y As Homer says 9 acres. Odies. 11. v. 577  he took up a whole plot of ground himself: passing over these we came to the 
z Fields upon the banks of Acheron, a river in hell.  Acherusian fields, where we found the semigods and goddesses, and many other dead persons conversing together by tribes and companies: of which some were so ancient, that they were rotten; and as Homer saith, had no strength in them: others were fresh and well compact especially, the 
a It was the common manner of the Egyptians to powder their dead bodies with salt 70. days before they buried them. Herod. lib. 2. Herodotus also in his 3. book, speaks of a strange thing whereof himself was an eye witness, that perusing the bones of the dead in a place where the battle had been fought between the Persians and Egyptians, he could easily know one nation from another by their sculls, the Persians being so rotten and brittle, that he could crack them almost with a fillip, but the Egyptians so strong, that they were hardly to be broken with a stone; which he attributes to the shaving of their heads in their youth.  Egyptians; because they had been so well powdered: but the greatest difficulty was to know which was which, being all in a manner alike; and nothing but bare bones: much ado I had with long looking to discern one from another, for they all lay obscurely on heaps, and without any note of difference; reserving nothing of the beauty they had amongst us: for I seeing so many withered carcases lying in a place together, and all of one likeness, looking fearfully and ghastly with their bare teeth to be seen, made a question to myself, how I should know 
b The most deformed of all the Greeks that came to Troy. Hom. describes him in the 2. of his Iliad. v. 216.  Thersites from the beautiful 
c The most beautiful except Achilles only of all the Greeks' that came to Troy. Homer. Iliad. 2. v. 674. Homer. Odyss. 18. v. 1.  Nireus, or Irus the beggar from 
d Alcinous, who furnished Ulysses with a ship and men, to transport him into his own country, and bestowed upon him great store of treasure. Odyll. 13.  the king of the Phaeakes, or Pyrrhias the cook from Agamemnon, for no ancient token was remaining upon them, but their bodies were all alike without mark or inscription, not to be distinguished by any man. Which when I beheld, I thought I might compare the life of man to nothing so well, as to a long show or pageant, in which fortune was the setter out, and disposed every thing as pleased herself; and fitted every person with sundry and different habits: some she adorns in Princely robes, garnisheth with attiring, appointeth a guard to attend them, and crowneth their heads with a diadem; others she sheltereth in the weeds of a servant some she makes fair and beautiful, others mishapen and deformed, to make the more variety in the show: sometimes in the midst of the triumph, she changeth the state of some of them, and will not suffer them to march in the same rank to the end, as they were first placed in, but altereth their habit, constraining him that at the first was 
f King of Lydia and wonderful rich.  Croesus, to put on the garments of a servant or a captive: and poor 
g Secretary to Polycrates, King of the Samians, and after his death succeeded him in the Kingdom. Herodot lib. 3.  Maandrius, who before was an ordinary serving man, she attireth in the tyrannical habit of Polycrates, and permits him to make use of that personage for a while: but when the time comes that the triumph must have an end, 
e King of Mycena, and General of all the Greeks'  than every man unclothes himself, and puts off his proportion together with his body, and becomes as he was before, no better than another man, yet some are so insensible, that when fortune comes to require her furniture again, they grieve and grudge at it, as if they had been stripped of their own, loath to redeliver what they made so short use of. I suppose also, you have often seen these Tragical Actors, that are used in setting forth plays: that sometimes they present 
h A Tyrant of Thebes, slain by Theseus.  Creon, or 
i King of Troy.  Priamus, or Agamemnon: and the same man that a little before was so lusty as to counterfeit the countenance of 
k The first founder and builder of Athens.  Cecrops, or 
l The same that Ericthonius a king of Athens. Hom. Iliad. l. 2. v. 47.  Erechtheus, within a while after, if the Poet will have it so, must come forth in the shape of a poor servant, and when the play is ended, every man must be disrobed of his gorgeous garments, lay aside his vizard, step out of his buskins, and walk aloof of like a forlorn fellow, no more Agamemnon the son of Atreus, or Creon the son of Menoeceus, but called by his own name, 
m The names of common stage-players.  Polus, the son of Charicles, the 
n Sunium is a town and promontory of Attica. Strab. l. 10.  Sunian, or Satyrus the son of Theogiton the Marathonian: such is the life of man as it appeared then to my view.  Philonides. 
But tell me Menippus, they that have so costly and stately tombs here upon earth: that have their pillars, their statues, their epitaphs, are they in no more respect then ordinary men that are dead?  Menippus. 
What a question is that? I tell you, if you did but see Mausolus, I mean the Carian, that is so famed for his sumptuous 
o 
A most magnificent sepulchre built by Attemisia for her husband Mausolus' king of Caria: for the largeness and rare workmanship ranked amongst the wonders of the world. Plin. lib. 36. c. 5. one of the judges of hell.  
The condition of the greatest Princes in death.   sepulchre, I think you would never give over laughing whilst you lived, he is cast out so contemptibly in a dark corner, that he lies among the common sort of dead men, not to be seen, and I think all that he got by his sepulchre is, that he carries the greater burden upon his back; for the truth is, my honest friend, when Aeacus appoints every man his place, the greatest scope he allows, is but the breadth of a foot, which upon necessity he must be content withal, and contract himself within that compass: but I think it would move you to laugh much, if you saw those that were Kings and Princes amongst us, beg their bread there, sell salt fish, and teach the A. B. C. for sustenance, and how they are scorned and boxed about the ears as the basest slaves in the world. It was my fortune to have a sight of 
p The father of Alexander the great.  Philip King of Macedon, and I thought I should have burst my heart with laughing: he was showed me sitting in a little corner, cobbling old shoes to get somewhat towards his living: many other were to be seen there also, begging by the high ways side, such as 
q Two great kings of the Persians.  Xerxes, 
q Two great kings of the Persians.  Darius, and Polycrates.  Philonides. 
The tale you have told of Kings, I assure you, is strange indeed, and almost incredible: but what did Socrates there, and Diogenes, and others that were wise men?  Menippus. 

r Three wise Princes of the Grecians with whom Socrates that great Philosopher keeps company. Palamedes is said in the time of the Trojan war, to have added those four letters to the greek Alphabet, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Plin. lib. 7. c. 56.  Socrates went up and down confuting every man he met withal: and in his company Palamedes, Ulysses, Nestor, and other dead men that were the greatest talkers, but his legs were still swollen and puffed up with the 
s He was put to death in this manner by the Athenians, being accused by Anytus & Melitus for a corrupter of youth, and bringer in of new gods.  poison he drunk at his death: as for honest 
t Diogenes the Cynic is brought in gearing Sardanapalus that most voluptuous king of Assyria, and Midas the rich king of Phrygia with all their now lost delicates and tr●…sure.  Diogones, he would ever get him to Sardanapalus the Assyrian, or Midas the Phrygian or some rich man or other: and when he heard them lament, and recount their former fortunes, he would laugh and rejoice at it, and many times lie along upon his back, and sing as loud as he could to drown the notes of their complaints, whereat the men took such offence, that they were minded to remove their lodging to be rid of Diogenes.  Philonides. 
Enough of this, now let me hear the decree, which you said before was confirmed against rich men.  Menippus. 
In good time you have put me in mind of it: for being the main subject of my narration, I have digressed in my speech I know not how fare: for during the time of my abode amongst them, the Magistrates called a council to consult about state business: and I seeing many throng in together, thrust myself also among the dead for company and past for one of them. Many matters were there decided: and lastly that concerning rich men: against whom sundry grievances were objected, as violence, arrogancy, scornfulness, and injustice, at the last a certain Orator started up, and uttered this decree against them:  

The Decree:  
FOr as much as rich men are daily found guilty of many misdemeanours committed in their life time, extorting oppressing and afflicting the poor by all the means they can imagine, be it therefore enacted by the council and the people that whensoever they die, their bodies shall be punished like other wicked persons, but their souls shall be sent up to the life again, and there dissolved into asses, so to continue from asses to asses, until in that life they shall accomplish the five and twenty 
u That is, 25. times 10. thousand years.  Myriad of years, compelled to bear burdens, and be driven and beaten up and down by poor men, and at the end of those years they shall have liberty to die.   

x This decree being made amongst the dead he derives these names from things belonging to them, wittily playing in the Greek upon these words 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a skull, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a dry carcase, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a deed man, or a heap of dead men, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 dead: as if we should say in English Scullman, the son of Dribone, of the tribe of the dead.  Cranion, the son of Sceleton, the Necusian, of the tribe of Alibantias, published this decree, and upon the reading of it, the magistrates concluded it, and the people confirmed it, Hecate howled, Cerberus barked, and so it was perfected and passed for currant: thus much for the assembly:  
Then went I about my own business, to seek out Tiresias, and when I had found him, I told him the whole truth of the matter, and besought him to tell me what kind of life he thought to be the best: whereat he laughed (for he is a little old man, and blind, of a pale complexion and low voice) O my son, said he, I know the cause of thy grief well enough, and that it is long of these Philosophers that cannot agree in opinion among themselves: but help you I cannot, for I may tell you nothing: Rhadamanthus himself hath so commanded: I hope not so, good father, said I, tell me I beseech you, and suffer me not to wander in the world in a blinder case than yourself; with that he drew me aside, and when he had got me a good way from company, laid his mouth close to my ear, saying, the simple man's life is the best and the honestest, for he is free from affecting knowledge in matters above his reach, and from searching after end and beginnings, rejecting these profound sophistical syllogisms, and holding them all to be idle, and endeavouring nothing in the world, but how to spend the present time well, run over every thing with laughter, and addict himself too much to nothing: when he had thus said, he lightly skipped again into the fields of Asphodelus, and I seeing it grow somewhat late, come on, Mithrobarzanes, said I, why make we stay here, and not again hast home to the earth? take you no care for that, Menippus, said he, for I will direct you a short cut, and a plain path to lead you, without any trouble: so he brought me to another place darker than the former, and with his finger pointed to a little dim glimmering a far off, like the light that shines through a bic hole: that, said he, is the Temple of 
y This Temple was in Lebadia, a town in Boeotia ne'er to Coronia, between Helicon, and Cheronea. Strab. l. 9 They that would know any thing from the Oracle Trophonius went down through a narrow hole that was there under ground, and staying some certain days returned back with their answer.  Trophonius, and there do they descend that come out of Boeotia: make upwards that way, and thou shalt find thyself in Greece before thou be ware: I was glad to hear of that, and taking my leave of the Magician, with much a do crept up thorough that hole, and suddenly, I know not how, found myself to be in Lebadia.   

THE DREAM, OR THE COCK.  Micyllus. 
NOw Jupiter himself confound thee, 
The Cobbler exclaims against the Cock.  thou filthy, despiteful, and clamorous Cock, that with thy hideous and piercing cries hast wakened me, sweetly dreaming that I had great riches in my possession, and that I abounded with all kind of happiness: so that by thy means I cannot enjoy so much as the night time free from the remembrance of my poverty: a thing fare more hateful unto me than thou art. And yet as fare as I can conjecture by the stillness of the night, and coldness of the air, which doth not so pinch me as it is wont towards morning (for this is an infallible token to me that the day is at hand) it is yet scarcely midtime of the night: nevertheless this sleepless creature, as though he were to watch 
a The golden fleece that Jason and the Argonauts went to fetch, was kept by a monstrous dragon that never slept. Ovid. Met.  the golden fleece, begins to fall a crowing, almost as soon as the day is shut in: but be sure I will make thee have small comfort of it: for I will cudgel thee welfavouredly for this gear, as soon, as daylight will give me leave: for it would be a trouble to me to find the out in the dark.  Cock. 
Master Micyllus, I thought I had rather deserved thankes at your hands for my early crowing, because being wakened thou mightest go about thy work the sooner: for if thou canst but get so much time in the morning, as to cobble one shoe before sun rising, it will be a good furtherance towards thy day's work: notwithstanding if it be so that thou take more pleasure to sleep in thy bed, I will be well content to let thee take thy rest, and thou shalt find me as mute as 
b Aristotle in his 2. book de anima cap. 9 speaks of vocal fishes in the river Achelous, Plutarch, and Athenaeus suppose that the Pythagoreans abstained from eating fish because of their silence, thinking it irrelegious to eat of them that observe the same precepts with themselves.  any fish, 
c The like advice is given by a fisherman in Theocritus Eidyl. 22. to his fellow that dreamt he had taken a golden fish. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. A fish indeed, friend, is your sleeps best theme, Lest you be starved, though in a golden dream.  but take heed, I say, lest thy dreaming of riches do not make thee hunger when thou awakest.  Micyllus. 
O miraculous Jupiter, and mighty Hercules, what evil doth this portend, that my Cock speaketh with a man's voice?  Cock. 
Doth this seem so great a wonder unto thee that I should speak with the voice of a man?  Micyllus. 
How can I choose but think it strange, and monstrous? god send me good fortune after it.  Cock. 
O Micyllus, thou now showest thyself a very illiterate fellow, and never to have been conversant in Homer's verses: for in them thou mayest read how ᵈ Xanthus', Achilles his horse, forgetting his neighing, stood talking in the midst of the battle, uttering many whole verses together, and spoke not in prose as I do now: yea, he prophesied, and foretold things to come, yet was it thought no wonder, neither did he which heard it, cry out upon the gods, as if he had heard a prodigy: but what if the 
e The first ship that ever was built, in which Jason with 54. other Heroes of Thessalia sailed to Colchos for the golden fleece: the keel of this ship was made of the trees of Dodone, a wood in Epirus, sacred to Jupipiter; which trees the Poets say did speak.  keel of the ship Argo should speak unto thee, as in times past the beech tree of Dodone did utter prophecies with a man's voice: or if thou shouldst see the 
f the Oxen of the sun, which Ulysseses companions killed and roasted. Odyss. l. 12. v. 395. All this is spoken in derision of Homer's poetical fictions.  skins of Oxen creeping about, and hear the flesh lowing when it was half sod or roasted, and thrust through with a spit, how wouldst thou then wonder? But I am much conversant with 
g The Cock is therefore said to be conversant with Mercury, because that learning and skill both under Mercury's protection, require watchfulness.  Mercury, 
h Mercury is the god of Eloquence among the Heathen. Homer. Odyss. 8. v. 267. Ovid. Met. lib. 4. & lib. 2. de arte amandi.  the most talkative of all the gods, and beside, brought up and nourished amongst you men, and therefore it can be accounted no hard matter for me to have the speech and voice of a man. Notwithstanding, if thou wilt promise me to keep my counsel, I will not stick to tell thee the very true cause indeed of this my speech, and by what means I came by it.  Micyllus. 
But do I not dream that my Cock speaketh thus unto me? if not, then tell me, good Cock, what other cause there is of thy speech? and as for silence thou needst not doubt that I will reveal it to any man: for if I should, who would believe me?  Cock. 
Give ear unto me then: and I know Micyllus, I shall tell thee a strange tale: for I whom thou now seest to be a cock, was of late a man as thou art.  Micyllus. 
I have heard of such a matter as that, concerning you Cocks long ago: how that a certain young man, called Alector, was very familiar with Mars, and accustomed to banquet and make merry with the god, and him he made privy to all his love: so that whensoever Mars went to lie with Venus, he took this Alector along with him, and for that he was greatly in fear lest the Sun should espy him, and discover him to Vulcan, he always left this young man without at the door, to bring him word when the Sun approached: but as it chanced on a time, Alector fell asleep, and unwillingly betrayed the charge committed to him, and the Sun entered in secretly and stood by Venus and Mars, who took their rest without care, because they thought Alector would give them warning if any were coming. Then Vulcan, having notice given him by the Sun, took them napping together, and wrapped them both within a net he had before provided for that purpose 1. 533se:] 
Alector turned into a cock.  but Mars, as soon as he was set lose, in a great rage with this Alector, turned him into this kind of bird, with the same furniture which he then had, and instead of an helmet, set such a comb as that upon his head: for this cause are ye Cocks abhorred by Mars, as creatures good for nothing; yet, to this day, when you think the Sun is towards rising, you crow out a great while before to give knowledge of his approaching.  Cock. 
Thus the story says indeed; Micyllus, but I mean another matter: for I was thus transformed into a cock but a little while sithence.  Micyllus. 
And by what means, I pray thee? I would give any thing in the world to be truly informed of that.  Cock. 
Didst thou know 
i Pythagoras the Samian Philosopher was the son of Mnesarchus, a carver of rings: he held that the souls, the body dying, passed strait into some other, and according to the life that it had formerly led, was honoured with a better, as of a Philosopher or other famous man; or punish: with a base one, as of a dog, or ass, and to maintain the truth of this opinion averred that he could well remember that he himself had been in time passed in the Trojan wars: Euphorbùs the son of Panthus, who was brother to Hecuba, which Euphorbus was slain by Menelaus. Ovid. Met. 15. of the rest of his tenets, see his life in Diog. Laert.  Pythagoras?  Micyllus. 
Meanest thou the Sophister? that idle fellow that made a rule that men should taste no flesh, nor eat any beans, the best meat I can feed upon, and as I think most wholesome: the same man also commanded his scholars to keep silence for the space of five whole years together.  Cock. 
Then know this also, that the same man before he came to be Pythagoras, was Euphorbus.  Micyllus. 
Thou speakest strangely, Cock; as though he were one of them that could change his shape by enchantments, and do such like wonders.  Cock. 
That very same Pythagoras am I; therefore forbear I pray thee to use hard speeches: for thou art altogether ignorant of his manner of life.  Micyllus. 
Why this is the greatest wonder of all the rest; my Cock a Philosopher? I pray thee thou son of Mnosarchus, how happened it that of a man thou art become a bird, and of a Samian, a 
k A city of Boeotia, Pausan. in Boeot. in which Lucian places the scene of this Dialogue, because it was very famous in former times for cocks of the game. Plin. lib. 10. cap. 21. He closely taxes the vain opinions of Pythagoras, and shows how in some things he is repugnant to himself.  Tanagrian: thou canst hardly persuade me it is so, Nay, it is almost incredible; for I have already noted in thee two things, which are contrary to the doctrine of Pythagoras.  Cock. 
And what are those?  Micyllus. 
One is, that thou art given to prate and babble; but he, as I remember, enjoined silence to his scholars for five year's space. The other is likewise repugnant to his rules; for I, having no other thing to give thee, brought thee beans to day, as thou knowest; and thou without any scruple, pickest them up: Therefore, either thou liest and art not Pythagoras, or transgressest against thine own decrees in eating beans, which he said was as great a wickedness, as for a man to devour his own father's head.  Cock. 
O Micyllus, thou knowest not the cause hereof, nor what is convenient for the life of every creature: I did then eat no beans, for I was a Philosopher: but now I feed upon them, because it is a diet fit for birds of my kind. But if you will give me leave, thou shalt hear how of Pythagoras, I came to take this shape upon me, and how many kind of lives I have passed, and what benefit I had by every alteration.  Micyllus. 
Tell me, for the love of God; for thou canst not please me better: so that if it were put to my choice, whether I had rather hear thee discourse of thy life, or see again that sweet and happy dream I had even now, I know not to which part I should incline: so like do I judge thy speeches to those sweet visions, that I hold thy talk, and my most delectable dreams to be of equal content.  Cock. 
Dost thou yet ponder upon thy dreams, and still revolve in thy mind those idle fantasies, printing that vain and fruitless pleasure, as the Poet saith, 
Homer. Odyss. lib. 19  in thy memory?  Micyllus. 
Nay, know this Cock, that I will never forget that vision whilst I have a day to live: such a honey sweetness did that dream when it departed, leave in mine eyes, that I could not open mine eye lids, but they would strait fall to sleep again: and even as a feather stirred in one's ear, such a tickling did that vision make in me.  Cock. 
O the great love that dreams have to thee, if it be as thou sayest: whereas they being 
l 
Virgil. Aeneid lib. 4.  
Par levibus ventis volucríque simillima somno: & Tibullus Eleg. 2.  
Póstque venit tacitus fulvis circudatus alis somnus, etc.   winged (as some say) and having not commission to tarry with a man longer than sleep, would for thy sake pass their bounds, and infix their sweetness and force, even within thy waking eyes: I would gladly therefore hear what it was that did so delight thee.  Micyllus. 
And I am as ready to tell thee, for the very remembrance and talk of it, doth exceedingly content me: but when wilt thou, Pythagoras, tell me of thy sundry transformations.  Cock. 
As soon, Micyllus, as thou shalt make an end of thy dream, and wipe away that honey from thine eyes: yet tell me this one thing first, for my learning: came thy dream flying unto thee through gates of Ivory, or of horn?  Micyllus. 
Neither, Pythagoras.  Cock. 

m Odyss. l. 19 v. 562. True dreams come through the gates of horn, & false through those of Ivory. Virgil imitates this of Homer in Aeneid. l. 6. Sunt geminae somni portae, quarum altera fertur Cornea, etc.  Why Homer makes mention only of these two passages?  Micyllus. 
A pin for that foolish Poet, who never knew what dreams were; yet, it may be that poor common dreams come through such gates, such as he himself saw, and that was nothing at all, for 
n He likens Micyllus for his desire of gold, to Midas the Phrygian king, who having entertained Bacchus, & being by him promised whatsoever he would ask, desired that whatsoever he touched might become gold: which being granted him so, that his very meat and drink was turned into gold, hunger and necessity compelled him to repent the vanity of his wish.  he was blind: but my sweetest dream came flying to me through a gate of gold, being gold itself, and compassed on every side with gold; bringing abundance of gold with it.  Cock. 

o Herodotus and Plutarch say that his right name was Melesigenes so called from the river near unto which he was borne: but afterwards called Homer by the Cumaeans who call a blind man 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  Good Midas talk not so much of thy gold: thy dream and his wish being alike in all respects; for thou likewise imaginest thou hadst whole mines of gold.  Micyllus. 
Abundance of gold I saw, Pythagoras, abundance: O thou wouldst not think how it did glister and shine most gloriously; I pray thee put me in remembrance, (if thou knowest it) what Pindarus speaketh in the commendation of it, where he saith, that water is the best thing, yet praiseth gold above all, uttering the commendation thereof in the very beginning of the principal of all his sonnets. 
Pind. Olymp. Od. 1. v. 1. Pindarus is much in the commendation of gold, as in Isth. 3. and other places, insomuch that some have given him the name of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, a lover of money.   Cock. 
Are these the verses thou meanest▪  
Water is a goodly thing,  
But gold is fare more bright  
Than any riches else beside,  
And gives a fairer light  
Than doth the clear and flaming fire,  
Within the darksome night.  Micyllus. 
The very same: and I verily think Pindarus had sometime seen my dream, because he so commended gold: wherefore, O thou most prudent Cock that ever I knew, harken a little unto me, and thou shalt know what my dream was: yesterday, if thou remember, thou hadst not thy dinner; for the rich Eucrates meeting me in the market place, bade me 
p It was the custom in ancient times for man to bathe and anoint themselves with oil before they went to a feast or sacrifice, as we may see in Homer. Iliad. 10. v. 577. speaking of Ulysses and Diomedes.  go and bathe myself, and when it was dinner time, come and feast with him.  Cock. 
I remember it very well, by the same token that I fasted all day, and thou camest drunken home at night, and didst then bring me those five beans; a poor pittance, God knows, for a cock of the game, 
q Pythagoras was well skilled and practised in the Olympic exercises Diog. Laert.  that had tried masteries publicly in the Olympian sports.  Micyllus. 
When I was come from the feast, and had given thee those beans, I went strait to bed, and then (as Homer saith) 
* Iliad. 2. v. 56.  a heavenly dream indeed came to me in the dead time of the night.  Cock. 
First Micyllus, tell me what was done at Eucrates house at the feast, what kind of banquet it was, and what happened therein: for it will be as good as another meal to thee, to enter, as it were, into a second dream of what thou hadst then, and to chew in thy memory the good cheer thou hadst eaten before.  Micyllus. 
I thought the report of that would have been troublesome to thee: but because thou of thyself desirest to hear it, thou shalt have it: I never in my life, O Pythagoras, 
The description of his invitation and dinner with Eucrates, which was the occasion of his dream.  did feast at any rich man's table before; and yesterday by good fortune I met with Eucrates, and saluting him, as I use to do, by the name of Lord, passed by him, because I thought it would be a disparagement to him to be seen talking with one in a threadbare cloak. But he calling me to him, said; Micyllus, I celebrate this day my daughter's birth, and have bidden many of my friends: but one of them, saith he, is sick and unable to dine with me; do thou therefore, when thou hast bathed, come in his turn, unless he which is bidden, say he will come himself, for I am in doubt of it: when I heard this, I made low courtesy and went my way, pouring out many prayers to all the gods in heaven, and beseeching them to send either the quotidian ague, or the pleurisy, or the gout to that sick man, whose substitute I was appointed to be at the feast: and I thought it a whole year, till the time of bathing came; still watching how the shadow of the dial went forwards, and when it would be time to wash: at the last, when the hour was come, I plunged in with as much speed as I could, and departed, trimming up myself handsomely, and turned my cloak the best side outwards: when I came, I found many at his gates, and amongst them, that sick man, whose turn I was to take at dinner: and very sick he was indeed, for he groaned very pitifully, and coughed, and vomited from the bottom of his stomach filth, which he could hardly get up; his countenance was pale, and his body swollen: he was about threescore years of age. They said, that he was one of these Philosophers, which now adays teach men so many foolish toys. He had a monstrous long beard, which stood in great need of a barber: but when Alchibias the Physician blamed him for coming abroad in that case, he answered; duty must not be neglected, especially by a Philosopher, 
He takes occasion here to inveigh against such hypocriti●… Stoics, & other Philosophers as made such an outward show of temperance and strictness above others, and yet would not lose a good meal, or the honour of being entertained, though it were to the hazard of their lives.  though a thousand diseases stood to resist me, for than might Eucrates well think, we contemned him: nay, said I, he would rather commend you, if you would die at your house, a●… not breath out life and phlegm together in the midst of the banquet at his table: but he was so stout, that he made as if he understood not how I came over him. Presently, as soon as he had washed, came Eucrates, and seeing there Thesmopolis, for so was that Philosopher named, said: this is well done, master, that you are come yourself, I wish you take no harm by it: but you should have fared never the worse, for though you had been absent, yet would I have sent you all things needful. And when he had said so to him, he went in, giving his hand to the sick man, who was held up by the servants: then did I make myself ready to be gone: but Eucrates, turning him about, and musing a little to himself; at the last, seeing me look so heavily on the matter, said, come thou in too, Micyllus, and dine with us: for I will cause my son to eat with his mother in the chamber, that thou mayst have room at the table. Then, like a fool, went I in, gaping about me 
r The Wolf having lost his prey runs gaping up and down, and hence grew the proverb, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, a gaping Wolf, and is applied to them, as are prevented of their purpose.  almost like a wolf, I was so ashamed, because I thought it long of me, that Eucrates son should lose his place at the feast. When the time was come that we should sit down, first they took up Thesmopolis to place him; but with much ado, God knows: five tall young men were about him at the least, which did bolster him up with pillows on either side, to make him fit upright, and be upheld by them, as much as was possible. And when no man else could endure to sit near him, they appointed me to be his comrade at the table. Then went we to dinner, Pythagoras, where we had great cheer, and great store of dainties: all the meat was served in gold and silver plate; our drinking cups were all of gold, and proper serving men were appointed to attend upon us: we had our Musicians, our jesters, and all kind of mirth to pass away the time withal: Only one thing troubled me, and that was Thesmopolis, 
The Philosophers absurd behaviour.  who angered me at the heart to hear him discourse of virtue, and teaching me, how two negatives make an affirmative; and how that when it is day, it is not night: sometimes he said I had horns, with such like fond talk, making a long Philosophical discourse to him that answered never a word; so that he marred all our mirth: for neither the Musicians that played on instruments, nor the singers could be heard for him: thus was our banquet.  Cock. 
And no great feast to thee Micyllus, to be matched at the table with such a doting old man.  Micyllus. 

The Cobbler's dream.  Now hear my dream: I know not how, but me thought that Eucrates being childless, and like to die, sent for me, and in his Will made me heir of all he possessed, and within a short space deceased. Then I entering into his house, measured up the gold and silver by whole loads, which flowed upon me, like the streams of a running river: and all his other goods, as apparel, tables, vessels, and servants were all indeed mine own. Then was I carried in a chariot drawn with white horses, wherein I sat, reverenced and regarded of all that saw me: many went before me, many road about me, and more followed me. And I having his gorgeous apparel on my back, and great rings as many as would serve sixteen fingers, commanded a sumptuous feast to be prepared: whereunto I might invite my friends. They, as it is in dreams, were soon come to me, my meat was prepared, the drink set ready in a place by itself: I being busied herein, and taking a golden cup in my hand to drink a health to all my friends, the broth being now set on the table, in an evil hour thou beganst to fall a crowing, thou troubledst our feast, overturned the tables, scattered abroad those riches, and brought them all to nothing: and dost thou think I complain of thee without a cause, whereas I would gladly have seen that sweet vision three whole nights together?  Cock. 
Dost thou so dote upon gold and riches, Micyllus, that thou delightest only in them: and thinkest thou it a happy thing to have a great deal of money?  Micyllus. 
I am not the only man, Pythagoras, of that opinion, but even thou thyself when thou wast 
s 
Homer. Iliad. lib. 17. v. 50. speaking of Euphorbus slain by Menelaus.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
With noise, his clattering arms his corpse did quell,  
And blood his Grace-like tresses did besmear Which with pure gold and silver plaited were.  
Danaë, vid. the Necromantie. Omnis enim res virtus, fama decus, divina humanáque pulchris Divitiis parent, quas qui construxerit, ille Clarus erit, fortis, justus, sapiens etiam & rex. Horat. serm. lib. 2. fat. 3.   Euphorbus, hadst thy hair curled with silver and gold wire, when thou wentest to fight against the Grecians; and in battle I should think it better to be well furnished with iron then with gold: yet thou in thy greatest peril, tookest pleasure to have thy hair plaited therewith: which made Homer say, thou hadst hair like the Graces; because it was bound together with gold and silver: and no doubt it must needs show the braver, for gold plaited in hair will make it have a glorious lustre: therefore when thou wast the son of Panthus, thou seemedst to be delighted with gold: yea, the father of all gods and men, even Jupiter himself, the son of Saturn and Rhea, when he was in love with that Argolian maid, knowing no more lovely thing whereinto he might convert himself, or win the favour of Acrisius guard; became, as thou hast heard, gold: and entering in through the roof of the house, obtained his love. And to what end should I use further speeches in the praise thereof? how many benefits doth gold bring with it? for whoso is furnished therewith, is made both beautiful, wise, and valiant: it is accompanied with credit and honour of base and mean persons, it maketh in short space famous and honourable: for I am sure thou knowest my neighbour Simon, a cobbler as I am, who supped with me not long ago, and put two pieces of pudding in the pot, when I sod pease at the feasts of 
s Saturnalia, it was a great and joyful feast amongst the Romans, celebrated in the month of December: friends sending gifts and invitations unto each other, and during this feast, every one was allowed a freedom and liberty of speech without being liable to any exception: Whence some authors have entitled part of their writings by this name, as Macrobius and others.  Saturn.  Cock. 
I knew him well, he is a short fellow with a hooked nose: he stole away our earthen pipkin under his cloak when he had supped, which was all the householdstuff we had: I saw him do it, Micyllus.  Micyllus. 
And yet the knave sorswore it when I charged him with it: but why didst thou not then give me warning, and crow as loud as thou couldst when thou sawest us so spoilt of our goods, and rob?  Cock. 
I chackled apace, and that was all that I could do: but what of him? me thinks thou art about to say somewhat of him.  Micyllus. 
This Simon had a cousin that was an exceeding rich man; his name was Drimylus: he as long as he lived, would not bestow one halfpenny on this Simon. And no marvel, for he could never find in his heart to bestow any thing upon himself. But when he died, all his goods by the law came to this Simon: so that he that was wont to go in a bare patched cloak, and glad to lick the dishes, is now clothed in purple and violet, hath servants, chariots, 
Aspetius nihil est humili, cùm furgit in altum. Claud.  golden drinking vessels, and tables of Ivory: and so reverenced by all men, that he will not so much as look on me; for I happening by chance to see him not long ago, came to him and saluted him; saying, Simon, God save you: but he being offended hereat, said to his servants; bid this beggar not clip my name: I am not Simon, but 
t Who was a famous Lyrike Poet. Pausan.  Simonides. And which is most to be noted, women do now fall in love with him; and to some of them he makes the matter dainty, and regards them not: to others he is favourable, and doth grant them his love: and they that are forsaken, seem so much affectioned, that they threaten to kill themselves. Thou seest then how many good things gold is the cause of, so that it altereth the very shape of a man; making the uncomely look handsome and lovely, like the 
u The girdle of Venus, which was of that force and efficacy, that whosoever wore it, it made her seem most amiable and beautiful: and therefore Juno being to lie with Jupiter, borrowed this girdle of Venus. Iliad. 14. v. 219. Euripid.  Poetical Cestum: thou hast heard what the Poet saith, O gold, thou art the sweetest and the welcomest possession. And again, it is the gold that hath the dominion amongst all men: but, good cock, why dost thou laugh so now?  Cock. 
To see how ignorance hath deceived thee; Micyllus, as most men are, in these rich men: for be it known unto thee, that they live a fare more miserable and wretched life then poor men do: I speak by experience, that have been both rich and poor oftentimes, and have tried all sorts of life, and so shalt thou do shortly as well as I.  Micyllus. 
Indeed the time now serveth well for thee to tell me of thy transformations, and what things thou knowest were done in every one of those lives.  Cock. 
Hear me, and I will tell thee: 
The mean estate the better.  but this one thing I will make known unto thee to begin withal, that I never yet saw a more happy life than thou leadest.  Micyllus. 
Then I, Cock? such a life God send thee: thou makest me fret to hear thee: yet tell me all, beginning from the time thou wast Euphorbus, until thou wast changed into Pythagoras; and from thence in order till thou becamest a Cock: for I persuade myself, thou must needs see and endure many contrarieties, being turned into so many divers shapes.  Cock. 

* Pythagoras gins to relate his several transmutations  From the first time that my soul came flying from Apollo, and on the earth enclosed in man's body, it would be too long to tell thee what misery it endured: and further, it is neither lawful for me to speak it, nor for thee to hear of such matters: but at the last I became Euphorbus.  Micyllus. 

* Micyllus his digression.  And I pray thee heartily, before thou proceed in the discourse of thine own life, that thou wouldst tell me whether I had ever any other shape, or not.  Cock. 
Yes indeed hadst thou.  Micyllus. 
And canst thou tell me what creature I was? I would very fain know that.  Cock. 
Thou wast an 
w These Indian emmets are some of the bigness of a dog, some of a wolf, of wonderful swiftness, lying in holes under ground amongst the sands of gold, as our emmets do in ant-hills. Herodot. lib. 3.  Indian Emmet, one of them that dig up gold out of the earth.  Micyllus. 
And what a rogue was I, that I could not provide some of those scraps for myself to live upon now? but I pray thee what shall I be after I am gone out of this life? I do not think but thou canst tell me that too: & if it be so, that I shall hereafter be in any good estate, 
x Cleombrotus the Ambrociot having read in Plato of the immortality of the soul, threw himself down from an high place, and so died.  I will go strait and hang myself upon the beam thou sittest on.  Cock. 
That thou canst know by no means: but I, when I was Euphorbus, (for thither will I turn my tale again) was a soldier at Troy, and slain by Menelaus: afterwards in time, I came to be Pythagoras; but all the interim, my soul was carried about without any body to dwell in, until at the last, my father Mnesarchus framed an habitation for me.  Micyllus. 
I pray thee, livedst thou all that time without meat or drink?  Cock. 
Why not, Micyllus? for those things are convenient for the body only.  Micyllus. 
Then tell me first what was done at Troy, were all things acted as Homer reported them to be?  Cock. 
How could he, Micyllus, know the truth of what was done there? for in the time of those wars, he was a camel in 
As he brought before, Homer against Pythagoras, so now he brings Pythagoras against Homer. A province of Scythia.  Bactria: I, for my part, in these matters can inform thee how much he overshot himself: for neither was 
z Pausanias' in his Atticks says as he is informed by one Mysus, that the round bones of the knee, (which we commonly call the pan) of Telamonius Ajax was as big as the greatest coite wherewith those that strove in the five exercises of Greece, and therefore called Pentathli, did play: from whence may be gathered the proportion of his whole body.  Ajax so mighty, nor 
a He alludes here to the fable, which says that Jupiter in the likeness of a Swan lay with Leda, and she brought forth an egg, of which were borne Castor, Pollux, and Helena.  Helen so fair as he would have them to be: only, I remember she had a long white neck, whereby may be judged, she had a swan to her father: but her other beauty, it was worn with age, for she was almost as old as 
b The wife of Priamus, mother to Hector and Paris.  Hecuba. 
c At which time she could not in any likelihood be less than 15. Now Hercules destroyed Troy 31. years before the last besieging of it, to which if we add the other ten years of the siege, beside the time between her carrying away by Theseus, and the destruction of Troy by Hercules, it will amount to 56. years, so that by this computation she could not be much younger than Hecuba.  For first Theseus took her away with him, and kept her in Aphidna: and he lived in the time of Hercules. Now Hercules destroyed Troy before, in our father's time which then lived: whereby we may conjecture of her age. These things, when I was very young, my father Panthus was want to discourse of unto me, who said that he had seen Hercules.  Micyllus. 
But was Achilles so worthy a man as the speech is? or is that also a fable?  Cock. 
I never met him in the field, Micyllus, neither can I so perfectly describe the Grecians unto thee, because they were our enemies: 
d He fasty boasteth the kill of Patroclus, who was wounded by Euphorbus, but slain by Hector. Iliad. 16. v. 826.  but I easily slew his friend Patroclus, for I thrust him through with a spear.  Micyllus. 
But with fare more ease did Menelaus kill thee, and that soon after; but enough of these matters: tell me now somewhat concerning Pythagoras.  Cock. 
Without doubt, Micyllus, I was a subtle fellow, (for I will tell thee the truth plainly) & not unlearned, nor ignorant of the most commendable arts: 
e Divers of the ancient Philosophers, traveled into Egypt, and Chaldaea, because in former times learning flourished in those parts.  for I went into Egypt, to be instructed in wisdom by their Prophets, where I secretly learned the books of 
f Orus, or Horus was the son of Isis, and Osiris: these three were the first that instructed the Egyptians in the knowledge of letters: and therefore honoured by them as gods: they likewise invented the way of writing in Hieroglyphics, expressing what they meant by the shapes and figures of living things, etc. In which kind of writing, all their secret and mysterious knowledge was recorded, which they so highly reverenced, that they thought it irreligious, to profane it with a common character.  Orus, & Isis: from thence I sailed into 
g How Pythagoras set up school in Italy, and by what precepts and ceremonies his scholars were distinguished from other sects, see Diog. Laert. in his life, Gellius, Justine, Livy, lib. 1.  Italy, and delivered such doctrine to the Grecians that dwelled there, that they honoured me as a God.  Micyllus. 
I have heard no less myself: thou also taughtest that men when they were dead should revive again, and show'dst unto them a 
h It is said that the naked hip of Pythagoras being discovered, seemed to be of pure gold: Hermippus of Pythagoras in Laertius.  knuckle bone of gold: but what came in thy head, so straightly to forbid the eating of flesh and beans?  Cock. 
Ask me not that question, good Micyllus, I pray thee.  Micyllus. 
Why so?  Cock. 
Because I am ashamed to tell the true cause thereof.  Micyllus. 
Be not abashed to tell it me that am thy fellow and friend: for I will now no longer account myself thy master.  Cock. 
O Micyllus, it was no point of sound wisdom that moved me to it: but when I considered, that if I should prescribe any common form of doctrine that was agreeable to other men's rules, few would be drawn to follow it, 
Things that are new & strange are always most admired.  because it was not strange: I thought that how much the more contrary my doctrine was to other men's, so much the more rare it would appear: and this was the cause that I devised those new rules, that divers men having divers opinions of them, might all of them remain doubtful and uncertain of the meaning, as they did in those dark and double intending oracles.  Micyllus. 
Seest thou? thou hast partly made a fool of me, as well as thou didst of those 
i Certain cities of Italy, amongst whom Pythagoras lived.  Crotonians, Metapontians, Tarentines, and such like simple fellows which followed thy precepts, and walked in those erring steps which thou leavest for them to tread in: but when thou didst put off Pythagoras, with what body waste thou then enclosed?  Cock. 
I than came to be 
k Pericles a great nobleman and general of the Athenians, was so taken with the beauty and eloquence of this Aspasia, that he married her, and as some think, for her sake only undertook the Samian war.  Aspasia, that famous strumpet of Miletus.  Micyllus. 
I am ashamed to hear: Why Pythagoras, among all other beasts, wast thou also a woman? the time hath been then, gentle Cock, that thou waste an Hen, and laidst an egg, when thou waste Aspasia and got with child by Pericles: then didst thou carded and spin, and do all other work as women ought to do.  Cock. 
All this did I; and not I only, but before me both 
l Necrom. 1.  Tiresias, and 
m How Caeneus the son of Elatus, was changed from a fair woman to a man: see Ovid. Met. lib. 12.  Caeneus the son of Elates were both men and women: therefore if thou deride me for that, thou scornest them as much.  Micyllus. 
And which was the merrier life of the two? when thou waste a man, or when thou wast got with child by Pericles.  Cock. 
Dost thou not know how dangerous a question this is, and what punishment Tiresias himself had for assoiling it?  Micyllus. 
Well, though thou resolve it not, 
n In the person of Medea, who being forsaken by her husband Jason, makes a great complaint against men's cruelty and women's misery, and amongst the rest comes out with this. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. We live they say at home from perils free, Whilst they do fight at push of pike, but see Their error, for thrice standing to my shield, I'd rather fight, then once bring forth a child.  yet hath Euripides, in my judgement sufficiently determined this doubt: who saith, he had rather bear a shield in battle three times, then bear a child once.  Cock. 
When thou art in childbed, Micyllus, I will then put thee in mind of this question: for thou likewise shalt oftentimes become a woman in the circuit and compass of thy lives.  Micyllus. 
Is it not a death to thee, Cock, to think all men are Milesians, or Samians? For it is said, that thou, being Pythagoras, 
o Pythagoras was very beautiful, insomuch that his scholars supposed him to be Apollo. Laert.  and of rare beauty, wast many times Aspasia to the tyrant: but after Aspasia who wast thou then, a man, or again a woman?  Cock. 
I was 
p A Theban Philosopher, scholar to Diogenes.  Grates the Cynic.  Micyllus. 
Mighty gods, what a transmutation was that from a whore to a Philosopher?  Cock. 
And then a King, and then a beggar; and shortly after a Duke: then a horse, and a cow, and a frog, and a thousand things else: for it would be long to rehearse them all. Lastly, I have been a Cock oftentimes, for I delighted in that life, and served many, 
* He returns to the former discourse concerning riches and poverty.  both kings, poor men, and rich men, and now am come to be thy Cock, where I daily laugh to hear thee complain and grudge at thy poverty, and think so well of rich men, whereas thou art ignorant of all those evils which accompany them: for if thou didst know the many cares wherewith they are oppressed, thou wouldst laugh at thyself, for ever thinking a rich man to be happy.  Micyllus. 
Wherefore, O Pythagoras, or whatsoever thou wouldst be called (for I would be loath to offend thee with calling thee sometimes one name, and sometimes another.)  Cock. 
It makes no matter whether thou call me Euphorbus, or Pythagoras, or Aspasia, or Crates, for I am all these: yet thou shalt do best to call me as thou seest me, a Cock, and think it no reproach unto me to be called as a poor bird, for I have the lives of many within me.  Micyllus. 
Then, Cock, forasmuch as thou hast made trial almost of all kind of lives, and knewest them all, tell me in good sadness, how rich men, and how poor men live, that I may know whether it be true as thou sayest, that we are more happy than the rich.  Cock. 
Mark then, Micyllus, and consider well of it: for thou art not troubled with any rumours of wars, 
The inconveniences that attend rich men, and on the contrary, the freedom of the poorer sort in time of war.  when news comes that the enemies are in the country: then hast thou no care, neither of the spoiling of thy lands, nor breaking down of thy parks, nor the wasting of thy vines: but as soon as thou hearest the trumpet sound, thou lookest about thee, whither to turn thyself for thy safety, and where to be out of peril: but those rich men, what care are they in with all their retinue? they grieve to see from the walls their substance and goods destroyed in the fields: and if any thing be to be brought to the City, they are called to do it: or if a sally must be made against the enemy, 

Their happiness above the rich in the time of peace.  
Especially where there is a popular government. Whereof we may find many examples, both amongst the Romans and Grecians; but chief whilst the commonwealth was governed by the people.  
The power of the common people when they bear the sway.   they are sure to be foremost in peril, always appointed for Captains and leaders in the battle, but thou with a strong pike in thy hand, standest well prepared for thy defence, and ready to take part of the Captain's feast, when he sacrificeth to the Gods after victory. Again, in the time of peace, thou, as one of the comnaltie, goest to the public meetings in the judgement place, where thou raignest as king over these rich men: for they stand in fear and doubt of thee, and glad to get thy favour with gifts, labouring to make public baths, plays and pageants to please thee withal, and thou viewest and examinest them as exactly as if thou were a lord; sometimes thou wilt not so much as speak to them: and, if it please thee, thou mayst either drive them away with stones, or confiscate their goods. Thou neither fearest the crafty Lawyer should beguile thee, nor the thief steal away thy gold, by climbing over thy walls, or breaking up the house: neither art thou troubled with any reckonings, nor demanding debts, nor beating evil servants, nor in care for thine accounts: but when thou hast cobbled a shoe, hast seven halfpences for thy labour: and rising from thy work at sun set, (at which time thou mayst bathe thyself, if it please thee) thou buyest thee some fishes, or herrings, or a few heads of garlic, 
The benefit of a labouring life, and hard diet.  wherewith thou makest merry, singing for the most part all the day long, and practising Philosophy in thy sweet poverty: this makes thee strong and healthful in body, and able to abide the cold: for labour hardeneth thee to withstand courageously those things which other men think indurable, and none of these hurtful diseases can lay hold on thee: for if thou be at any time touched with a grudging of an ague, thou sufferest it not to tarry long with thee, but shakest it off speedily, and drivest it away even with very hunger, so that it soon departs as if it were in fear to stay with thee, when it seethe thee drink cold water so hearty, 
The diseases & evils that proceed from riotousness.  and not abide the daily cures of the Physicians: but those miserable men, how many evils doth their ill diet bring upon them? as gouts, vomitings, impostures of the lungs, and dropsies: for these be, as it were, the children of delicate and well furnished feasts. Therefore those men, which like Icarus, still soar to get aloft, and seek to approach the sun, 
Icaromenipp. c.  not remembering that their wings are fastened with wax, many times have a grievous fall even headlong into the midst of the sea, but as many as with Daedalus, climb not into the skies, nor set their minds on high places, but fleck near the ground, that their wings may sometimes be moistened with salt water, those men for the most part fly in safety.  Micyllus. 
Thou meanest orderly and discreet men.  Cock. 
For the others, thou knowest what shameful wracks and falls they have been subject to. As 
q The rich Lydian king, overcome by Cyrus the Persian, & being ready to be burnt, at his earnest prayer to Apollo, the fire was quenched with a great shower of rain, and so was saved. Herodot. lib. 1.  Croesus, who had his plumes plucked by the Persians, and by them laughed to scorn, when he was cast on the pile of wood ready to be burnt: 
r The younger tyrant of Sicily.  likewise Dionysius, being deposed from his kingdom, taught a grammar school in Corinth, and after so pompous a reign, was forced to teach children to read for his living.  Micyllus. 
But tell me Cock of thine own life, when thou raignest, (for thou also, as thou sayest, hast been a king) what experience thou hast of a king's life. I think thou waste then filled with all kind of felicity, because thou didst possess that which was the head and spring of all pleasures.  Cock. 
Good Micyllus, give me no cause to remember it: I was then so miserable a wretch, that I tremble to hear of it: indeed as thou sayest, to those that beheld me outwardly, I was thought to be happy and fortunate, but within me, I had infinite millions of miseries dwelling and abiding.  Micyllus. 
And what were those? for it is strange it should be so, neither can I believe it.  Cock. 
I reigned, Micyllus, over no small region; which flowed with plenty of all kind of fruits: and for multitude of inhabitants, 
The unhappy condition and estate of Tyrants.  and beauty of cities, to be accounted amongst the most flourishing kingdoms: many navigable rivers ran through it, the sea yielding many commodious havens, and stations for ships: I had a huge army of soldiers, horsemen in great number, and pikemen infinite, a strong navy, coin innumerable, plenty of gold plate, and all other things belonging to the pomp of a kingdom in great abundance. When I went abroad, many honoured and reverenced me, as if they had seen a deity: they would run one over another to have a sight of me, and climb up the house tops, thinking it a great matter to have a full view of the chariot, the purple robe, the diadem, of those that went before, and those that followed: but I alone, knowing how many things did trouble and disquiet me, could not but condemn them of folly, and bewail mine own misery. 
Three famous Carvers. The resemblance of a Tyranny.  For I compared myself to such gallant Images and Colossus, as Phidias, Myron, and Praxiteles have carved, for they in outward show resemble the shapes of Jupiter, or Neptune, brave and comely in countenance, all wrought over with gold and pearl; having either the thunder or lightning, or the three forked mace in his right hand. But if thou stoop down to see what is within them, than thou shalt discern the bars, the wedges, the nails wherewith the whole body is fastened and buckled together: the pieces of wood, the pins,, the pitch, the mortar, 
Iliad. 10. v. 1.  and such like filth wherewith it is filled within: beside the multitude of flies and spiders that have their dwelling there: such a thing is a kingdom.  Micyllus. 
Now compare the mortar, bars, and wedges, to the inner part of a kingdom, and show what likeness the filth of the one hath to the other; (if there be any) as thou hast likened that which is seen, carried abroad, ruling over so many men, and worshipped so devoutly, to the wonderful Image of Colossus; for indeed either of them have a seemly outside: tell me therefore now, what resemblance there is between the one and the other for their inward parts.  Cock. 

* Their troubles and vexations.  What should I rehearse unto you, Micyllus, their fears, griefs, and suspicions; the hatred and conspiracies of those that are nearest to them, their short and unsound sleeps; their fearful dreams, their variable thoughts, and ever evil hopes, their troubles and vexations, their collections of money, and judgement of controversies, their military affairs, and warlike expeditions, their edicts and proclamations, their leagues and treaties, their reckonings and accounts, which suffer them not once to enjoy a quiet dream, but they are compelled alone to have an eye in all things, & a thousand businesses to trouble them. Great Agamemnon, the son of Atreus, could not enjoy a quiet night's rest for the cares that occupied his head, no not when all the Grecians else were asleep: what a grief was it to the 
s Croesus' sending to the oracle at Delphos to know something concerning his son that was dumb was answered that he had no great reason to desire that his son should speak, for that day in which he should first hear it, would be the most unfortunate to him that ever he saw, which fell out accordingly, for Sardis his regal City being taken by Cyrus: a common soldier of the Persians meeting with Croesus and his son, not knowing him to be the king, was about to kill him, at which his son that was dumb before, suddenly cried out, do not kill Croesus. Herodot. lib. 1.  Lydian king to have his son dumb? how did 
t A Persian Captain that took part with Cyrus, against his brother Artaxerxes. Plutarch.  Clearchus vex the Persian Artaxerxes, when he mustered soldiers against him, to serve his brother Cyrus? 
u Dionysius the younger.  another was offended at Dion, because he used but private speeches with the Syracusians: another was troubled to hear but 
w Some of the chief captains of Alexander the great, who sharing his dominions amongst them after his death, fell at length to deadly hatred, and bloody wars with one another. Necrom. 10.  Parmenio praised: Perdiccas envied Ptolemy, and Ptolemy, Seleucus: but if there be but some speech of a rebellion, Lord, what fear are they in then, if they see any three or four of their guard talking together. But the greatest misery of all is, that they always suspect those most, that are their greatest friends, still looking for mischief at their hands. One is poisoned by his own child; and he again used in the same sort by his friend: and he too perhaps within a short time, served with the same sauce by another.  Micyllus. 
Fie upon them; what horrible things are these, Cock? I see now, it is a fare safer kind of life for me, to labour at cobbling shoes, then to drink out of a golden cup, poison and venom mixed with the wine. The greatest danger I am in, is least my paring knife should run awry in cutting my leather; and so hurt some of my fingers. But those men make deadly banquets one for another, daily inuring themselves to infinite villainies: but when they are once fallen, than they rightly resemble, in my opinion these players of Tragedies: amongst whom, a man may see many that for a time bear the persons of Cecrops, 
x A sturdy thief slain by Theseus king of Athens, he is feigned by the Poets continually to roll a great stone in hell.  Sisyphus, or 
y King of the Mysians.  Telephus, having crowns on their heads, swords with Ivory hilts, glistering hair, & cloaks embroidered with gold: but if (as it chanceth sometimes) any of them be beaten and thrown down upon the stage, then is he a laughing stock to all that see him, when his vizard and his crown shall be torn in pieces; the blood running down from his broken pate, and his neither parts turned up; showing his patched and beggarly , with his buskins ill favouredly buckled upon his legs, and far unmeete for his feet. 
This similitude is often used by Lucian.  Seest thou, good Cock, what a similitude thou hast taught me to make? for when thou wast a king, thy estate was like unto this: but when thou becamest a horse, or a dog, or a fish, or frog, how couldst thou away with this kind of life?  Cock. 
Thou movest a question that would ask long speeches, and not to this present purpose: 
He concludes man to lead the most unhappy life, because the most vicious of all creatures.  but the sum of all is this: I could find no life to be so full of trouble as the life of man, if it be considered only according to the natural inclination and uses thereof: for thou canst not find either an horse to be an usurer, or a frog a backbiter, or a crow a sophister, or a gnat voluptuous, or a cock lascivious, and so of all the rest: for those vices which ye are daily subject unto, thou canst not perceive in them.  Micyllus. 
Herein thou sayest true indeed Cock, neither will I for my part be ashamed to tell thee what cares I have endured: for never could I yet put out of my mind, the desires I had from my youth to become rich, but even in my dreams I have gold often presented unto mine eyes: and chief this knave Simon doth anger me at the heart, to see him live in such wealth.  Cock. 
I will soon ease thee of that grief, Micyllus, and therefore rise up now whilst it is night and follow me: I will bring thee to Simon himself, and to the houses of other rich men, that thou mayest see what case they are in.  Micyllus. 
How canst thou do it? for their gates are now shut: and wouldst thou have me break through their walls?  Cock. 
No Micyllus, but Mercury, 
a Certain creatures have been thought by the ancients to appertain peculiarly unto each of the gods, and therefore consecrated to them, as the Eagle to jupiter, the Peacock to juno, the Grasshopper to the Muses, & the Cock to Mercury. Why see aboven.  to whom I am consecrate, hath given a certain property to the longest feather of my tail, that which is so weak, that it bends downwards.  Micyllus. 
But thou hast two such feathers:  Cock. 
Then it is that on the right side; for whomsoever I shall suffer to take it, as oft as I will, he may open therewith any door, and see any in the house, and not be seen himself.  Micyllus. 
I think, Cock, thou goest about to cheat me now with some tricks of legerdemain: for if thou suffer me once to have it, thou shalt soon see all Simons goods in my house, for I will bring them away as fast as I can, and make him again halt of his old sore, and glad to set on patches to get himself drink.  Cock. 
That thou mayst not, for Mercury hath commanded me, that if he which hath the feather go about any such matter, I should presently crow out and make him taken.  Micyllus. 

The poets feign Mercury to be the patron and protector of theives.  That's very unlike, as if Mercury being so cunning a thief himself, would mislike the same in another? yet, let us go: for I will abstain from the gold, if I can.  Cock. 
First, Micyllus, pluck off that feather: but what meanest thou to pull them off both?  Micyllus. 
Because I would be sure to have the right, and thou the less deformed: else, the one half of thy tail would be as it were maimed.  Cock. 
Be it so then; but shall we go first to Simon, or to some other rich man?  Micyllus. 
Nay to 
* Simonides for Simon.  Simon, I pray thee, because he was so proud of his riches, that he would have had his name longe● by two syllables: see, we are at his gates already, what sh●… I do with this feather?  Cock. 
Put it into the lock.  Micyllus. 
I have done so: O Hercules, how the door openeth as it were with a key!  Cock. 
Dost thou not see him now watching about his reckonings?  Micyllus. 
Yes, I see him sit by a small dim light: and how pale he looks? I know not why: unless he pine and consume himself with cares, for I have not heard that he hath been sick.  Cock. 
Harken what he saith, and thou shalt know the whole matter.  Simon. 

* He describes the cares and perplexities of rich men, with their wonderful distractions.  These seventy 
a There are divers sorts of talents, as the Egyptian, Syrian, Antiochian, Syracusan, etc. but that which is most commonly understood by authors, is the Attic talon, the the value whereof amounts to 600. French crowns. Budeus de affe.  talents, I have hid safe enough under my bed, and no man knows where they be: but the sixteen talents, Sosylus the horsekeeper saw me when I hide them under the manger: yet he is one that hath no great care of the stable, and but a loiterer in his business, and like enough to steal a greater sum then that from me: but how should Tibias be able to buy so much powdered meat, as he did yesterday? they say also, that he bought an ear-ring for his wife that cost him five groats: certainly, they be goods stolen from me, that these men do thus waste and consume: and my plate here, me thinks, being so much of it, stands not very safely, and I fear lest some false knave or other will break down my wall and take it away: many do envy and seek to deceive me, and chief my friend Micyllus.  Micyllus. 
Thou liest like a knave: thou thinkest I am like thee, that stole away my pitcher under thy cloak:  Cock. 
Peace Micyllus, lest we be taken:  Simon. 
It is good to be wary of that watchful fellow, therefore go I round about my house, and search every corner; who is there? I see thee well enough thou wouldst fain break into my house, but thou art happened against a pillar. That's good luck: I will go and tell my gold over again lest any slipped by before. See: I hear some noise again: as I live, all men are set against me and lay wait for me: where is my woodknife if I chance to take the thief: now will I go bury my gold again.  Cock. 
This is Simons life, Micyllus, let us go now to some other place, for there is but a little of the night left.  Cock. 
O wretched creature! what a life leads he? I wish all mine enemies rich in such sort: 
Diogenes the Cynic being asked the reason why gold looked pale, answered, that it was for fear, being there are so many that lay in wait to catch it.  I will give him one box on the ear, and then be gone.  Simon. 
Who strake me now? alas poor wretch as I am: there are surely thiefs in my house.  Micyllus. 
Cry out, watch, make thy face as pale as the gold: pine away thyself. Now Cock, if thou wilt let us go see Gniphon the usurer, he dwelleth not fare hence: lo, his door openeth of itself.  Cock. 
Mark then how carefully he watcheth to account his gains upon his finger's ends, consuming himself in that manner, and yet must shortly leave all these vanities, and come to be some moth, gnat, or fly.  Micyllus. 
I see that miserable foolish fellow well enough, who in this very life is in no better estate than a fly or a gnat: how hath he withered himself away with reckoning: but let us go to another.  Cock. 
To thy old friend Eucrate, if thou wilt: his door is open, therefore let us go in.  Micyllus. 
All these riches were lately mine.  Cock. 
Dost thou still think upon thy Dream of riches? behold Eucrates himself, that old man, lying with one of his servants.  Micyllus. 
I see most abominable beastliness, and most unnatural filthiness, not beseeming any man to commit: behold also his wife, in another corner of the house, playing the adulterous harlot with her cook.  Cock. 
Wouldst thou wish then, Micyllus, to inherit all that Eucrates hath, and to be heir of this his wickedness?  Micyllus. 
No certainly, Cock, rather would I die for hunger, than do such villainy: farewell gold and dainty fare: I have more riches, possessing but two halfpences, than they that are in continual fear to be robbed by their servants.  Cock. 

The Conclusion.  So then let us now be gone to our own home for the day is ready to break, the rest I will acquaint thee withal at another time.   

THE INFERNAL FERRY, OR THE TYRANT.  Charon. 
THou seest, 
a One of the three fatal Sisters. Atropos, Clotho, and Lachesis, the daughters of Night and Erebus.  Clotho, our Barge hath been ready this good while, and all things prepared, meet for our passage: the pump is cleansed, the topmast is reared, the sails are spread, and all the cares bound fast in their places, and there is no let in me, but that we may weigh anchor and be gone: only Mercury plays the loiterer, who should have been here long ago, which makes our vessel, as you see, unfraught with passengers, otherwise we might have crossed the River three times by this: it is now well in the after noon, and we have not gotten one halfpenny this day: I am sure Pluto will think the stay was in me, and I must bear the blame for an others default; whereas, that honest man Mercury, 
b being the Messenger of the Gods.  whose office it is to conduct unto us those that are dead, as if he had drank upon earth of an other fountain of 
c A River in hell, which whesoever drinks of, forgets all that hath been done in his life time.  Lethe, hath quite forgot to come back again unto us, but is either 
d These qualities are appropriate to Mercury, because they that are borne under this Planet, are naturally thus addicted. He is placed by the Poets between heaven and hell, because he is the God of speech; by the use of which, there is a mutual commerce betwixt those of the highest and the lowest rank.— & jus per limen ntrumque Solus habet, geminóque facit commercia mundo. Claud.  trying masteries with some youths that are his companions, or is playing upon his harp, or is framing some speech or other, wherein to express his vanity, or perhaps practising to place the thiefs as he comes along, for that is a main point of his profession: but we suffer him to have his own will so much, that he cares not whether ever he come among us, though he belong ᶠ half to our dominion.  Clotho. 
Thou knowest not, Charon, what important business may be imposed upon him, being one Jupiter makes so much use of in his superior affairs, by whom, you know, he is to be commanded.  Charon. 
But yet, Clotho, he ought not so extremely to domineer over his fellow-officers, who never offer to detain him when he hath occasion to absent himself: but I know the cause why: for we have nothing with us, but the herb 
f Necromantie. n.  Asphodelus, with the oblations, parentations, and memorial sacrifices for the dead: the rest is all obscure clouds, mists, and darkness, whereas in heaven all things are perspicuous and clear: there they have Ambrosia by the belly, and Nectar their fill, and therefore I cannot blame him, if he like that place the better: for which he goes from us, he flies away as fast, as if he were to make an escape out of a gaol; but when his turn is to come hither, he is as slow and dull, as if he came with no good will.  Clotho. 
Be patiented, good Charon, he is now at hand, as you may see, and brings a great company with him, or rather drives them before him with his rod, as if they were some Herd of Goats: but how happeneth it, that one amongst them is bound, an other comes laughing? a third I see with a scrip about his neck, and a staff in his hand, casting a stern countenance upon them, and hastening them forwards: and see you not Mercury himself, how he sweats, and how his feet are all covered with dust, how he pants and blows, scarcely able to take his breath? What's the matter with thee Mercury? what makes thee so earnest? and what hath troubled thee so long?  Mercury. 
Nothing, Clotho, but following this paltry fellow, that ran away from me so fare, that I thought I should not have seen you to day.  Clotho. 
Who may he be? or what was his meaning in running away?  Mercury. 
You may soon know that, because he would rather live still, than be amongst you: he is some King or Tyrant, I know by the moan he makes, and the matter of his laments, crying out, that he is deprived of some incomparable and unspeakable felicity.  Clotho. 
Did the fool think, by running away to attain to life again, his thread being wholly spun up, and quite cut asunder?  Mercury. 
Run away, sayest thou? nay, if this honest fellow here with the staff, had not holp me to take and bind him, 
Tyrant's very unwilling to die.  I think he would have made an escape from us all: for since the time that Atropos delivered him up into my hands, he never ceased all the way we came, to struggle and hang-an-arse, and to pitch both his feet against the ground so fast, that we had much ado to get him forwards. Sometimes again he would speak us fair, entreat, and beseech us to bear with him a while, promising us great rewards, if we would do so much for him: but I would give no ear to his impossible petition: and when we were come to the very mouth of the passage, where I used to deliver to 
g Rhadamanthus, Minos, and Aeacus were all three Kings, for their justice called the Sons of Jupiter; and for their sincerity, feigned by the Poets to be judges in Hell.  Aeacus the dead by account, and he to take the number of them, according to a hill sent unto him from your Sister, I know not how this poultry fellow, had privily given us the slip, and I was one too short of my tale: with that Aeacus casting an angry countenance upon me, Mercury, said he, practise not to play the thief with all that comes to your hands: you may sport yourself enough in this kind, when you are in heaven: the number of the dead is certain, and you cannot deceive me in that: you see there are set down in your Bill 1004. and you have brought one too short of the number, unless you will say, that Atropos did misreckon you: I blushing at this speech of his, suddenly called myself to mind what had happened upon the way: and looking about me, this fellow was not to be found: then I knew well enough he was fled, and after him I followed as fast as I could the direct way that led towards the light, and this good honest man followed after me of his own mind, and we ran together, as if we should have run for a wager, and at the last overtook him, just when we were come to 
h A Promontory of Laconia, from whence, as the Poets feigned, there was a passage into Hell.  Taenarus, so near was he got to make an escape.  Clotho. 
Then Charon, Mercury may well be excused for any negligence committed in this service.  Charon. 
But why do we still trifle out the time, as if we had not loitered enough already?  Clotho. 
Come on then, let them come aboard: I will sit upon the ship ladder, as I was used to do, and taking the scroll in my hand, examine every one that enters, who, and whence he is, and by what means he took his death. And thou, Mercury, receiving them at my hands, place them in order accordingly: but let young infants take the first turn, for they are not able to answer for themselves.  Mercury. 
Here Ferryman take them to thee, in number three hundred with the foundlings.  Charon. 
O brave, here's a quarry indeed: thou hast brought them rotten that were never yet ripe.  Mercury. 
Shall they come next, Clotho, that were past being mourned for?  Clotho. 

* Because their death comes not unexpected, and therefore not so much to be bewailed.  Old men thou meanest, do so if thou wilt, for what should I trouble myself to examine matters passed before the time of 
i This Euclid was governor of Athens presently after the 30. Spartans that ruled over them were cast out, in the time of whose tyranny, many outrages were on all sides committed, insomuch that having now regained their former liberty, to take away all remembrance of past injuries, and to establish peace and quietness amongst themselves, they by a general consent enacted, that whatsoever had been done in Athens before the time of Euclides government, should stand utterly void, and not so much as be questioned or spoken of, and hence it seems the Author takes the proverb.  Euclid: All ye that exceed the age of three score years, make your appearance: what's the matter? they are so deaf with age they cannot hear me: Nay then take them without more ado, and away with them.  Mercury. 
The next are four hundred lacking too: all mellow and full ripe; gathered in good time.  Cloth. 
Indeed these are well withered: now Mercury, bring those that are hurt and wounded, and tell me first how you came by your deaths: but it were better for me to peruse my scroll, and see what is set down of them: yesterday they died in fight in the country of Media, four score and four, and with them Gobares, the son of 
k A King of the Bactrians.  Oxyartes.  Mercury. 
Hear they are ready.  Clotho. 
Seven that killed themselves for love, and 
l He brings these particulars, not as things truly done, but to show the various means and causes of men's ends, and that neither the name and reputation of a Philosopher can free a man from vice or passion, nor the practice and skill of a Physician secure the professor from sickness or death.  Theagenes the Philosopher, for his whore at Megara.  Mere. 
They are all at hand.  Clotho. 
Where is he that was killed by his wife, and he that made him cuckold?  Merc. 
You may see him the next man to you.  Clotho. 
Then bring those that took their death by course of Law, I mean that were hanged, or pressed to death: and those elveen men that were killed by thiefs, where are they Mercury?  Merc. 
The wounded men which you see are they: but is it your pleasure that I should bring in the women also?  Clotho. 
What else? and they that perished by shipwreck, for they all died together, and in the same manner: put them together also that died of an ague, & with them Agathocles the Physician: but where is the Philosopher Cyniscus, who was to die upon a surfeit of hard eggs, and raw fish, at the 
m It was a custom among the Greeks', to celebrate the supper of Hecate, called also the Eleusine Feast, every new moon in this manner: The rich men set forth at night into the streets bread, fish, hard eggs, and lupins or fig-beane, which was eaten and carried away by the poor, and this Supper was thus prepared in every part of the town, where three ways met together, because that Hecate is called triformis, triple-shaped, being feigned by the Poets to be Diana on earth, the Moon in heaven, and in hell Proserpina.  Feast of Hecate?  Cyniscus. 

n In the person of this Cyniscus, who was a Cynic, he here commends that sort of Philosophers for their strictness of life, and resolution in death, of whom it seems he was fare better opinioned than of the rest.  Ready long since, good Clotho: and what have I offended, I pray you, that you should let me continue alive so long? you have suffered my spindle to run on, till the quill was almost quite spun up: and I was many times minded to cut the thread in sunder, and come to you: but I know not how, it was more than I could do.  Clotho. 
I did let thee alone, because I would have thee left for an over-looker, and a curer of men's defaults, but now come and welcome.  Cyniscus. 
Not I, unless this fellow that is bound may be embarked before me: for I fear he will overcome thee with fair words.  Clotho. 
Let me see: what is he?  Mercury. 

o In the person of Megapenthes he describes the miserable and wretched condition of Tyrants.  Megapenthes, the son of Lacydes, the Tyrant.  Clotho. 
Come aboard, sirrah.  Megapenthes. 
Not so, good Lady Clotho, I beseech thee forbear me, suffer me to ascend again a little while, and then I will come to you of mine own accord without any call.  Clotho. 
What is it that makes thee so willing to be gone?  Megapenthes. 

p It seems to be spoken in imitation of Homer's Protesilaus, Iliad. 2. v. 702. of which hereafter in the Surveyors. a.  Give me leave first to make an end of building my house, which I have left but half finished.  Clotho. 
You do but trifle the time, away I say.  Megap. 
I will ask no long liberty of you: give me but one days respite, sweet Clotho, that I may give my wife intelligence of my money, where I have great store of treasure hidden.  Clotho. 
Content thyself, it shall not be so.  Megap. 
And shall so much gold be lost?  Clotho. 
Not lost, I warrant you: take you no care for that: for your Cousin Megacles shall finger it all.  Megap. 
O disgraceful indignity! what, mine enemy? what a baseminded wretch was I, that had not killed him before.  Clotho. 
He is the man: and he shall continue alive after thee forty years and upwards to enjoy thy Concubines, thy apparel, and all the gold thou hadst.  Megap. 
This is an intolerable abuse, Clotho, to bestow what was mine upon mine enemy.  Clotho. 
I beseech you, sir, did not you come by Cydimaclus' goods by murdering him, and cut his children's throats also, before the breath was out of his body?  Megap. 
But now they were mine.  Clotho. 
And it may suffice you have enjoyed them so long.  Megap. 
A word with you, Clotho, in your ear; I would fain speak with you so that no man else may be within hearing: friend, off a little I pray you: If you will give me leave to run away, I promise to bestow upon you a thousand talents of wrought gold, before this day be at an end.  Clotho. 
What a fool art thou, to have any thought of gold or talents.  Megapenthes. 
I will give thee two standing-cups more into the match, if thou wilt, which I got by kill Cleocritus, either of them weighs an hundred talents of molten gold.  Clotho. 
Away with him, for he looks as if he would never come on willingly.  Megap. 
I beseech you be good to me: the City wall, and the harbour for shipping which I was about to make, are not yet finished: if I had lived but five days longer, I should have made an end of them both.  Clotho. 
Content thyself, the wall shall be made up by an other.  Megap. 
Yet let me obtain one request at your hands, which is so reasonable that you cannot deny it.  Clotho. 
What may that be?  Megap. 
Let me live but so long, as to subdue the Pisidians, and bring the Lydians under tribute, and erect a sumptuous monument for myself, whereupon I may engrave all the great and warlike exploits that have been performed by me in my life time.  Clotho. 
I thank you sir: is this your one days respite? why twenty years will not serve his turn for this.  Megap. 
I will give you pledges for my speedy return: or if you will, I will pawn my favourite to answer for me, man for man.  Clotho. 
O villain, how often have I heard thee wish, that he might be thy survivor.  Megap. 
I have wished so indeed in my time, but now I am better advised.  Clotho. 
Thou shalt have him here with thee before it be long, for thy next successor will be sure to make a hand with him.  Megap. 
Yet, good Destiny, deny me not this one thing.  Clotho. 
What is that?  Megap. 
I would fain know what shall betide after my death, and in what manner things shall be carried.  Clotho. 
Hear me then to thy further vexation: Midas thy bondslave shall marry thy wife, for he hath kept her this many a day.  Megap. 
That villain? whom I by my wife's persuasion made a freeman,  Clotho. 
Thy daughter shall be one of the next Tyrant's concubines: the images and statues which the City aforetime erected for thine honour, are all overthrown, and derided by every one that looks upon them.  Megap. 
Have I no friends then, that were offended to see me so abused?  Clotho. 
What friend hast thou? or for what just cause could any man be thy friend? dost thou not know, that every one that honoured thee, and praised all that thou saidst or didst, did it out of fear or hope, as friends to thy Sovereignty, and observing the time only?  Megap. 

It hath been always the use of parasites and flitterers, to swear by the names of Princes.  Yet would they run on heaps to the place where they heard I was to dine, and with loud acclamations wish me all happiness, every one protesting himself ready, if it were possible, to die before me, insomuch that they took their oaths and swore by my name.  Clotho. 
Therefore one of the number, who feasted you yesterday made a quick dispatch, and gave you a drench for your last, which sent you hither.  Megap. 
Me thought indeed it went down somewhat bitter: but what reason had he to use me so?  Clotho. 
You propose many questions, but you are to go about an other matter.  Megap. 
Yet there is one thing, sweet Destiny, that vexeth me more than all the rest, and puts me into a longing to recover the light again for a while.  Clotho. 
And what may that be? some great matter I warrant you.  Megap. 
My man Carrion, as soon as he saw I was dead, about sunne-setting, came into the chamber where I lay, when all things were at quiet (for then no body was to look unto me) and pulling to the door after him, took his pleasure of my Concubine Glicerie (whom I think he had kept long before) as if there had been no man present: and when he had satisfied his desire, he looks back upon me, and says, thou wretched carl, thou hast many a time beaten me without a cause: and with that he pulled me by the beard, and gave me a box on the ear; and hawking with open mouth, spat in my face, and so bidding me be packing to the pit of hell, he went his ways. I was vehemently kindled against him, but knew not what to do to him, for I was stiff and cold: but that cursed chambermaid of mine as soon as she heard the noise of some that were coming in, moistened her eyes with spittle as if she had wept for me, and howling out, called upon my name, and so went out of the room: but if I could catch them.  Clotho. 
Threaten not too much now, but away yourself: for it is time you should be brought to the bar.  Megapenthes. 
And who dare be so bold, as to give sentence against a King?  Clotho. 
Against a King, no man: but against a dead man, Rhadamanthus will do it, whom you shall quickly find to be just, and one that will give every man his due: but now make no longer stay.  Megapen. 

q 
The like is spoken by the ghost of Achilles to Ulysses. Hom. Od. 11. v. 488.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Renowned Ulysses, name not death to me, A ploughman far, or slave I'd rather be To some poor man that pines for want of bread, Than have dominion over all the dead.   Sweet destiny, make me a private man, make me a poor man; nay, make me a slave instead of a formerly King, so that I may revive again.  Clotho. 
Where is the man with the staff? and thou Mercury, take him between you, and hoist him into the ship: for he will never come of himself.  Mercury. 
Come Runaway: follow me now: take him to thee Ferryman, and make him sure to the main Mast.  Megapen. 
By right I ought to sit in the best place.  Clotho. 
Why so?  Megapen. 
Because when I was a King, I had ten thousand attendants to guard and wait upon me.  Cyniscus. 
Did not thy man Carion well then in pulling thee by the Beard, seeing thee to be such a fool? but now thou wilt find thy tyranny bitter enough to thee, when thou shalt taste of this staff.  Megapen. 
And dare Cyniscus stretch out his staff against me, whom for the liberty of his tongue, his bitterness and sharp reproofs, I was lately like enough to have nailed to a post?  Cyniscus. 
And therefore now shalt thou be nailed to the Mast.  Mycillus. 
I pray you Clotho, am I no body amongst you? or because I am poor, must I therefore be the last that shall be shipped?  Clotho. 
Who art thou?  Mycillus. 

r See the Cock.  Mycillus the Cobbler.  Clotho. 
Art thou angry because thou tarryest too long? seest thou not how much the Tyrant hath promised to give us, to be dismissed for a small time, and why should not delay be as welcome to thee?  Mycillus. 
Hear me, thou best of all the fates: this kind of 
s Ulysses being in the den of Polyphemus, a Giant that had one eye only, and that in the midst of his forehead, called himself by the name of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that is, Nobody, obtaining only this favour in promise from the Cyclops, that he should be the last man that he would eat of all his company: but afterwards Ulysses having put out his eye, and he crying out for help, being asked who had hurt him, could only answer that Nobody had done it. Hom. Od. 9  Cyclops courtesy can never content me, who promised, Vtis shall be the last man I will eat: for whether I be first or last, the same teeth will still be ready for me: and beside, the cause stands not with me as it doth with rich men, but rather our conditions, as they say, are in opposition one to another: the Tyrant in his life time seemed a happy man, every man stood in fear of him, every man cast his eye upon him, and he left so much gold and silver, and apparel, so many horses, banquets, beautiful boys, and comely women behind him, that he had cause to complain, and grieve to be distracted from them: for, I know not how, the soul is as it were glued to such delights as these, and will not easily be brought to leave them, after it hath been long enured to them: or rather linked fast in some indissoluble band, which makes them mourn and lament when they are to part from them: and though upon other occasions they are bold and hardy enough, yet are they found to be fearful and timorous, when they are to take this journey in hand, and turn still backwards like a forsaken lover, and covet to behold from a fare off what is done in the light, as this vain man lately did, that ran away as he was coming, and thought now to prevail by entreating: but I had no such engagements in my life time, no family, no lands, no gold, no householdstuff, no honour, no statues; 
Poor men have no allurements to make them in love with living: and are therefore fare more willing to leave the world than the rich.  and therefore could not choose but be succinct and nimble: no sooner could Atropes give me a beck, but I suddenly cast down my cutting-knife and my patches, and the slipper that was in my hand, leapt off my seat lustily, barefoot as I was, and stayed not so much as to wipe off the blacking, but followed as fast as I could, or rather led the way; looking still forwards, and nothing behind could recall me, or make me turn again. And in good sadness I see nothing amongst you but pleaseth me passing well: for in that we are all now of equal condition, and no difference betwixt man and man, it gives me a great deal of content: here is no calling for debts, no paying of subsidies, and, which is best of all, I shall not here starve for cold in the winter, nor be troubled with sickness, nor be beaten by my betters: all is peace, and the world turned upside down, for we that are poor do laugh and be merry, and the rich men lament and mourn.  Clotho. 
I have observed your laughter, Mycillus, this good while: what is it that hath made you so merry?  Mycillus. 
Harken then to me, most reverend goddess: I dwelled upon earth near unto the Tyrant, and perfectly saw all that he did, and could think no otherwise but that he was a kind of God: for when I beheld his glorious purple robe, the multitude of his attendance, his gold, his goblets beset with precious stones, and his Bedsteads of silver; I could not but think him a happy man: nay, the very smoke of the dishes that were prepared for his dinner made me almost mad, so that I thought him to be more than a man, and the most fortunate of all other; yea, to be endued with greater beauty and comeliness than any man else, advanced by fortune the height of a large cubit above all other men: his gate was stately, he vaunted himself proudly, and all he met withal he put out of countenance. But when he was dead and spoilt of all his pomp, me thought I could not choose but laugh at him, and much more at myself to see what a fool I was to admire so vile an animal, and think him happy by the smell of his platters, or fortunate for having his robes died in the blood of the 
t A shell fish, called the purple. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 9 cap. 36. Arist. hist. animal. lib. 5. cap. 15.  Fish taken in the Laconian Sea. Moreover, when I saw Gniphon the usurer bemoaning himself, and repenting that he had not taken the benefit of his riches in his life time, but to die and never have any taste of them; leaving them to Rhodocharis the unthrift, who was his nearest kinsman, and next heir by the Law: I knew not how to suppress my laughter, especially, when I bethought myself of his pale complexion, his miserable condition, his careful countenance, and that he was rich only in his fingers, wherewith he counted his talents and his millions, gathering that by little and little, which honest Rhodocharis would soon set 
w That which is evil gotten by oppression and usury, the next heir commonly consumes in riot and prodigality.  flying: But why are we not going? the rest we will laugh at when we are under sail, and shall see them mourn and weep.  Clotho. 
Come in then that the Bargeman may weigh anchor.  Charon. 
Whether go you so fast, sirrah? the boat is full already: tarry there, and I will fetch thee over betimes to morrow.  Mycillus. 
I hope, Charon, you will not serve me so: leave a man behind thee that is perfectly dead. I will complain to Rhadamanthus, believe it: Lord, what ill luck have I: they are all upon their way, and I am left here alone by myself: I cannot do better than to swim after them, for I am out of danger of drowning being dead already, and the rather, because I have never an halfpenny to pay for my passage.  Clotho. 
What meanest thou by that, Mycillus? tarry I say, it is not lawful for thee to pass over in such a fashion.  Mycillus. 
But for all that, I may hap to get over as soon as you.  Clotho. 
It may not be so: therefore let us make towards him, and take him aboard: help, Mercury, to hoist him to us.  Charon. 
Where shall he sit now he is here? for you see the barge is as full as it can hold.  Mercury. 
If it please you upon the shoulders of the tyrant.  Clotho. 
That will do wondrous well, Mercury, in faith ascend therefore, and bestride the neck of this notorious villain, and let us be gone with speed.  Cinyscus. 
Charon, I cannot choose now, but deliver the truth unto you, halfpenny I have none to pay for my fare, and nothing left me but this scrip which you see, and this staff: but if you will have any service at my hands, either to cast out water or handle an oar, I am ready for it: and I hope you will not be offended, if you find me sufficient and able to row.  Charon. 
Let us have thy help then, and that shall be all I will crave of thee.  Cyniscus. 
Shall we have never a call of encouragement all the way we go?  Charon. 
By all means if thou knowest any mariners song fit for the purpose.  Cinyscus. 
I know many, Charon, of that kind, but hear is such crying and howling that it cannot be heard. 
The complaint of the rich.  The rich men: Alas for my goods: alas my lands: woe is me what a house have I left behind me? how many talents shall my heir have of me to squander away idly: alas, alas, for my young children: who shall gather the grapes of the vines I set the last year?  Mercury. 
But, Micyllus, hast thou nothing to lament for? no man must pass this Ferry without tears.  Micyllus. 
Away, away, I have no cause in the world to lament, if I may have a good passage.  Merc. 
Yet let me hear thee cry a little for fashion sake. 
Micyllus mocked them.   Micyllus. 
Why you shall, Mercury, If you will have it so: Alas for my leather-patches: alas for mine old slippers: alas for my rotten shoes: wretched man that I am, I shall never more sit without victuals from morning no night: I shall never more go unshod and half naked in the winter, nor my teeth chatter in my head with cold; who shall have my cutting-knife? who shall have mine awl? I think I have done well for my part, for we are almost got to the shore.  Charon. 
Come on my masters, first pay me your fare before you go any further: you, and you, and you: so, I have all now but of Micyllus: cum sirrah, give me an halfpenny from you.  Micyllus. 
I hope, Charon, you do but jest; or, as they say, writ in the water, do you hope to have a halfpenny from Micyllus? why man, for my part I know not a halfpenny whether it be round or square.  Charon. 
A rich voyage, I have made a good days work of this: but away, that I may go back to fetch the horses, oxen, dogs, and other creatures that are to be transported.  Clotho. 
Bring them with you, Mercury, and I will pass over to the further side of the river to bring along with me Indopates, and Herimathres two Syrians, who are dead in fight one against another about the limits of their lands.  Mercury. 
Come my masters, on afore, or rather all in order follow me.  Micyllus. 
O Hercules, how dark it is? where is now the beautifuls Megillus? or how should a man know here which is the fairer creature 
t Two Grecian strumpets.  Phrine or Simmiche? all are alike, and all of one colour: 
s A beautiful young man of Corinth.  nothing is either fair or more fair: my threadbare coat which I lately thought to be such a poor wearing, is now as much respected as the King's purple robe, for they are both un-apparant, and drenched in the same degree of darkness: but Cyniscus where art thou?  Cyniscus. 
I tell thee I am here, Micyllus, and if thou wilt let us go together.  Micyllus. 
With all my heart: give me thy hand, and tell me good Cyniscus, for thou hast been initiated into the 
u The feasts of Ceres which were always solemnised by night.  Eleusinian ceremonies, do not they much resemble the manner of this place?  Cyniscus: 
As right as may be: but see here is one coming towards us with a torch in her hand: what a terrible grim countenance she hath: is it not one of the Furies?  Micyllus. 
It should seem so by her shape.  Mercury. 
Here, 
* One of the ●…ries, whose special office it is to punish murder.  Tisiphone: take these with thee, in number a thousand and four.  Tisiphone. 
I can tell you, Rhadamanthus hath tarried for you this good while.  Rhadamanthus. 
Bring them near Fury, and do thou Mercury make a proclamation, and call them by their names.  Cyniscus: 
Good Rhadamanthus, for thy dear father's sake, let me be the first that shall be examined.  Rhadamanthus: 
Why so?  Cyniscus. 
I have occasion to accuse some of the company, of misdemeanours committed by them in their life time: and my testimony will not be taken, until it be first known what I am myself, and in what manner I have led my life.  Rhadamanthus. 
And who art thou?  Cyniscus: 
Cyniscus good sir, by profession a Philosopher.  Rhadamanthus. 
Come near then, and be the first that shall undergo our sentence: call his accusers?  Mercury. 
If any man have any thing to say against Cyniscus let him come into the Court: no man appears: but yet, Cyniscus, this is not enough: strip yourself that we may see, what marks you have upon you:  Cyniscus. 
Do you think I have been burnt with a hot iron?  Rhadamanthus. 

x 
Plato (with whose opinions Lucian often cavils) at the later end of his Gorgias, hath a story to this purpose, which is imitated by Claudian in his 2 book in Ruffia.  
Quid demens manifesta negas: en pectus inustae Deformant maculae—   Look how many evils any of you have committed in his life time, so many spots will appear upon his soul.  Cyniscus. 
Look then for I am stark-naked: see if you can find any of those marks upon me.  Rhadamant. 
This man is clear all over, unless for three or four spots that are, very dim and hard to be discerned: but what is the reason of this? I find here prints and marks where thou hast been burnt, and yet I know not how they are smitten out and wiped away again: how comes this to pass Cyniscus? or by what means art thou made so clear?  Cyniscus. 

The benefit of Philosophy.  I will tell you, at the first I was evil for want of good breeding, and by that means procured myself so many marks: but as soon as I began to study Philosophy, by little and little, the spots, were all worn off my soul.  Rhadamanthus. 
You applied an excellent and most present remedy, depart therefore into the 
y Certain Islands, as some have thought, about the straits of Gibraker, as others upon the Northern part of great Britain, feigned by the Poets to be the blessed habitation of good men after death.  Lands of the blessed, and associate yourself with the best: but first you are to accuse the Tyrant you spoke of, & then call for other.  Micyllus. 
There is little to be said to me also, Rhadamanthus, and a short examination will serve my turn: for you see I am so naked already, that you may take full view of me.  Rhadamanthus. 
Who art thou?  Micyllus. 
Micyllus the cobbler.  Rhadamanthus. 
Honest Micyllus, thou art clear indeed, and hast no tokens upon thee: go thy way with this Cyniscus: now call the Tyrant.  Mercury. 
Megapenthes, the son of Lacydes, come into the Court: whither dost thou turn thyself? come forth I say Tyrant, thou art called: bring him in Tisiphone, whether he will or no: now Cyniscus lay what you can to his charge, he is here face to face.  Cyniscus. 
I shall not need to speak much in the matter, for you will quickly find what he is, 
The instruments commonly used to set up Tyranny, and the means that maintain it.  by the marks he hath upon him, yet will I open the man unto you, and in words make him known more apparently: what villainies were committed by this varlet when he was in the state of a private man, I will not trouble you withal: but when he won to himself the love of slanderous & desperate ruffians, & advanced by their guard, made himself Tyrant over the city, he put to death above ten thousand persons without judgement, & confiscated all their goods, 
What vices continually attend it  by which means having attained to riches infinite be suffered himself to be free from no kind of filthiness, but practised all cruelty and villainy against the poor Citizens: Virgins he deflowered, young men he unnaturally abused, and lewdly insulted over all his Subjects: his scornfulness, pride, & insolent carriage towards all that came near him, were so notorious, that it is not possible you should take so much punishment of him, as he deserves: a man might as safely behold the Sun with open eyes, as look upon him: who can express the strange kind of torments he devised to satisfy his cruelty, from which his nearest familiars could not be free: and that this my accusation is not feigned, or frivolous; you shall presently understand, if you will call before you the men whom he hath murdered: but see, they are all in place without any call, and stand so thick about him, that they are ready to stifle him. All these, Rhadamanthus, have been put to death by this murderer: some were laid hands on, because they had fair women to their wives: some, because they grieved to have their children taken from them to be abused: some, because they were rich: and some, because they were discreet understanding men, and could not brook his proceed.  Rhadamanthus. 
What say you to this sir knave?  Megapenthes. 
The murders that are objected, I acknowledge myself guilty of: but for the rest, the adulteries, 
As before in the Necromantie he brings in men's shadows to accuse them after death: so here he produces the Bed and Lamp of the Tyrant, as witnesses of his villainies, according to the opinion of some Greek Philosophers, who held everything to have a soul.  the abusing of young men, and the deflowering of maidens, Cyniscus hath belied me in them all.  Cyniscus. 
I will bring good witness, Rhadamanthus, to prove it.  Rhadamanthus. 
What witness canst thou bring?  Cyniscus. 
Call hither Mercury, his lamp, and his bed: they will testify when they come, what they know by him.  Mercury. 
The bed, and the lamp of Megapenthes, come into the Court, you have done well to appear.  Rhadamanthus. 
Declare your knowledge against this Megapenthes, and let the bed speak first.  The Bed. 
What Cyniscus hath objected against him, is nothing but truth: for I am ashamed, Lord Rhadamanthus, to deliver what he hath done upon me.  Rhadamanthus. 
Your testimony is good, though you cannot endure to publish it: now Lamp, what say you?  The Lamp. 
What was done by him in day time, I have nothing to do withal; for I was not present: but what he did or suffered in the time of night, I abhor to speak of: many things I saw not fit to be uttered, the villainies he committed were so monstrous as exceeded all measure, so that oftentimes I would not suck in any oil willingly, because I would have been glad to be put out, yet would he bring me nearer of purpose to see what he did, seeking to pollute my light by all the means he could.  Rhadamanthus. 
This is enough: now sirrah, put off your purple robe, that I may see how many spots you have: good god, he is all of the colour of clay, marked all over black and blue, with spots from top to toe: what punishment shall we have for him? 
Vid Necromant. L.  shall he be cast into Pyriphlegeton, or delivered up to Cerberus?  Cyniscus. 
Neither: but if it please you, I will devise a fit and a new kind of torture for him.  Rhadamanthus. 
Tell me what it is, and I will be most thankful to thee.  Cyniscus. 

Vid. c.  I think it be a custom among you, that the dead should drink of the water of Lethe.  Rhadamanthus. 
True.  Cyniscus. 

There can be no greater torment to such wretched men as have been happy, than the remembrance of their former felicity, joined with the feeling of their present misery.  Let him be the only man that shall be deprived of that draught.  Rhadamanthus. 
And why?  Cyniscus. 
It will be torment enough for him to remember what a fellow he hath been, how powerful in his life time, and to think upon his delights then.  Rhadamanthus. 
You say well, and this sentence shall pass upon him: let him be carried to Tantalus, and there bound, that he may remember what he did when he was alive.   

CHARON, OR THE SURVEIOURS.  Mercury. 
WHy laughest thou Charon? and why hast thou left thy barge to put thyself into the light of the day, that never yet hadst any thing to do in these superior parts?  Charon. 
O Mercury, I had an intolerable desire to see the passages of man's life, and how they bestowed themselves therein, and what they are bereft of, that they all make such pitiful moan when they come to us, no man is able to cross the stream without abundance of tears: This put me on (as did the 
a Protesilaus the son of Iphictus, one of the Princes of Greece, and the first man of them that was slain at their landing before Troy. Il. 2. v. 702. he was but newly married to Laodamia, the daughter of Acastus, who hearing of his death, besought the gods that she might enjoy him one only day again on earth, which having obtained, she herself expired in his embraces.  youthful Thessalian) to beg a playday of Pluto for once, that I might have leave to see what is done in the light: and here my good fortune is to meet with you, who I know will be my guide, and walk the round with me, to show me all things: for nothing is unknown to you.  Mercury. 
Faith Ferryman, I cannot a while go with thee now: I am upon a business to Jupiter that concerns mankind; and you know how passionate he is in his humour: and I fear, if I should stay longer than my time, 
b See the Tyrant.  he would leave me to you for good and all, and put me into perpetual darkness: or serve me as sometime he did 
c Vulcan the god of fire, was (as some say) the son of Jupiter, but being none of the handsomest, was kicked by his father out of heaven, and having consumed a whole day in his descent, was at last taken up in Lemnus an Island in the Aegaean Sea, and ever after lame of the fall. Hom. Il. 1. v. 590.  Vulcan, kick me out of heaven by the head and shoulders, and so lame me with the fall, that all the gods may laugh at my limping when I fill him out wine.  Charon. 
And will you then let me go up and down like a vagabond upon earth, that am your friend, your Ferrymate and fellow conductor? remember yourself, 
d Mercury was the son of jupiter and Maia.  honest son of Maia, that I never wished you to do so much as cast water out of the boat, or take an oar in hand, as long as you were with me, though your bones be big enough to work: all that you did there, was to lie along upon the hatches, & sleep till you snort again, or get some dead body or other to find you talk by the way: when I, an aged man, am fain to play the sculler myself, and labour at it both hands at once: but good Mercury, for thy good father's sake, leave me not so; show me all that is done in this life, that I may see somewhat before I go down again: for if you forsake me, I shall be in no better case than a blind man: and as they stumble and fall in the dark, so shall I be doted in the light: and therefore do thus much for me, sweet 
e A name of Mercury from Cyllena, a mountain in Arcadia, where he is said to be borne. Virg. lib. 8. Aeneid.  Cyllenius, and whilst I live, I will be your servant.  Mercury. 
This will cost me a swinging, I am sure of it, and the hire of my directions I know will not be paid me under a box on the earth: notwithstanding, I will do it for thee: for who can refuse a friend in a case of such necessity? but Ferryman, for you to have a perfect sight of all things, is altogether impossible: it would require many year's tarriance to attain it: and then would jupiter send hue and cry after me, as if I were run away from him, and thou shouldst be sure to be put out of office from having any thing to do with the works of death. Pluto's Kingdom would be impoverished for want of dead people, and Aeacus the rent-gatherer would be quite out of heart, if he should receive no halfpences all that while: but for the principal matters now in action, I will do what I can to procure you a sight of them.  Charon. 
Please yourself, Mercury, you can best tell what you have to do: for I am a mere stranger upon earth, and know nothing.  Mercury. 
The only way is this, Charon, to get up to some high ground, and from thence look about us to see what is done if it were possible forthee to step up to heaven, I should think my labour well bestowed, for thence, as out of a watch-towre, thou mightest have a perfect sight of all things: but because it is not lawful for thee, that hast been continually conversant with ghosts, and grisley spirits to approach the palace of Jupiter, we must look out some high mountain or other fit for our purpose.  Charon. 
You know, Mercury, 
A similitude.  what I have been wont to say to the company, when we were on shipboard together: for if any storm arose that crossed our course, and made the waters grow rough & troublesome, then though none of them knew what to say, yet one would cry, strike sail, another let lose the halser, another run with the weather: But I bid them all hold their tongues, for I know best what I have to do: so must you now, Mercury, do even what you will yourself: you shall be the pilot, I the passenger: and sit quietly ready to do you service.  Mercury. 
Well said, and I will think upon somewhat that is to be done, and find out some convenient spie-place or other for us: let me see, will not 
f A very high mountain in the north part of Asia, dividing India from Scythia.  Caucasus do well? or 
g Mountains in Greece.  Parnassus, for that is the higher of the two: or 
g Mountains in Greece.  Olympus, higher than them both? and now I look upon Olympus, a project comes in my pate that may serve our turns well: but you must take some pains then, and help me with your labour.  Charon. 
With all my heart, do but command, and I will toil as long as I am able to stand.  Mercury. 
The Poet Homer saith, that 
h Otus and Ephialtes, Hom. Odyss. 11. v. 311. See Icaromenip. 16.  the two sons of Aloeus, when they were but children, devised a trick to tear up mount 
i Mountains in Thessaly.  Ossa by the roots, and clap it upon the top of Olympus, and 
i Mountains in Thessaly.  Pelion upon that again, supposing these three mountains would make a ladder long enough to help them up to heaven: but they were younglings and wanted wit, and therefore smarted for their presumption: but we having no ill intent against the gods, me thinks might be bold to frame such a building and tumble those mountains one upon another, to make the place higher for us, that we may see the better.  Charon. 
Alas Mercury, we are but two of us, and how should we be able to carry Pelion, or Ossa between us?  Mercury. 
And why not Charon? we are gods, and dost thou think us weaker than those silly infants?  Charon. 
Not so, but I think the doing of it to be a work that surmounts all possibility.  Mercury. 

He speaks this in derision of Homer, and his impossible fictions, whom he likewise prosecutes through the whole Dialogue.  In your conceit, Charon, for you are a silly fellow, and have not been conversant with the poets: but honest Homer with only two verses, will make heaven passable presently, and heap mountain upon mountain with a trice: and I wonder you should think this so hard a matter that know 
k A great Astronomer and therefore feigned by the Poets to bear heaven on his shoulders.  Atlas so well, who being but a lone man, yet carrieth the pole upon his shoulders himself, wherein all we are contained: and it may be you have heard of my brother 
l This is said to be done by Hercules, when he learned Astronomy of Atlas. Hom. Od. 11. v. 315.  Hercules, how he sometime took Atlas' office out of hands, whom he eased of his burden, and undertook it himself.  Charon. 
I have heard as much, but whether it be true or no, Mercury, you and your Poets look to that.  Mercury. 
Dost thou make any question of it, Charon? as if wise men would trouble themselves to write lies: wherefore let us first poise mount Ossa out of his place, for the verse gins with that first, and so did our artsmaster Homer, and then set shady Pelion on the top of Ossa: see you not how easily and poetically we have brought this to pass? go to now, I will get up first, and see whether it be high enough to serve our turns; or that we must lay on more. Alas, alas, we are but in a vale yet, scarce got up to the skirt of heaven, for Eastward I hardly have sight of Jonia and Lydia: and on the West part, I can see no more but Italy and Sicily: and Northward, only the parts about the river 
m The same that Danubius, it runs through all Austria, and a great part of Germany.  Ister: and this way, 
n An Island in the Mediterranean Sea.  Crete is hardly to be discerned: we must to work again Ferryman, and fetch mount 
o A mountain near Thermo. pylae.  Oeta hither also, and thou set Parnassus upon the top of them all.  Charon. 
Let us do so then: but beware we make not our foundation too weak, being of so wonderful a height, lest it and we tumble all down together, and make a woeful experiment of Homer's Architecture, if we break our necks in the service.  Mercury. 
I warrant thee, all shall be sure enough; bring mount Oeta hither: now let Parnassus be set uppermost, and I will once again ascend. O brave, I see every thing: do thou come up to now.  Charon. 
Give me thy hand, Mercury, and help me, for it it is no small pile you are to place me upon.  Mercury. 
Why, Charon, you will needs have a fight of all: & you cannot both see all, and stand on sure ground to: here, hold my hand, and take good footing: well done, now thou art mounted as well as I; and because Parnassus hath a 
p 
Herodotus calls one of these tops Thithoreus, and the other Hyampeus lib. 8.  
A brief description of the world.  
The Sea.   forked top, either of us will get upon one, and there seat ourselves: look round about thee now, and behold every thing.  Charon. 
I see a great deal of earth, and a huge lake running about it, and mountains and rivers, much bigger than 
q Rivers in hell.  Cocytus, or Peryphlegethon, and men to: but they are very little ones, and certain dens of theirs.  Mercury. 
Those are City's man, which thou thinkest to be dens.  Charon. 
Know Mercury, that for all this I am never the better: our labour is all lost in dragging Parnassus from Castalia, and Oeta, and the rest of the mountains.  Mercury. 
How so?  Charon. 
I can see nothing perfectly from such a height; and my desire was, not only to see mountains and Cities, as they are described in a map, but to see the men themselves, and what they do, and hear what they say: as I did, when at our first meeting you found me laughing, and asked me what I laughed at: for than I heard a thing, which made me exceeding merry.  Mercury. 
What was that?  Charon. 
A man was invited by one of his friends, I think to supper: 
The uncertainty of man's life.  and promised faithfully to be with him the next day: no sooner was the word out of his mouth, but a tilestone, loosened by some mischance, fell off the house upon his head, and killed him, and I could not choose but laugh to see what ill luck he had to break his promise: and now I think I must be fain to creep down again, that I may see and hear the better.  Mercury. 
Be patiented and I will have a plaster for this also, and make your sight sharp enough I warrant you, I can fetch a charm out of Homer will do the deed: and when I have said the verses, look that thou be dark no more, but quick sighted.  Charon. 
Pronounce them then.  Merc. 

Iliad. 5.127. It was spoken by Pallas to Diomedes.  The darkness from thine eyes I now remove,  
That thou mayst know both men and gods above.  Charon. 
What's this?  Mercury. 

Icarome nip. 2.  Dost thou see yet?  Charon. 
Exceeding perfectly: Lynceus himself is but a buzzard to me: now proceed to your direction, and answer to such questions as I shall ask of you: but will you give me leave to propose them in Homer's style, for I would have you know, I am not altogether so unlearned as you imagine?  Mercury. 
I pray thee how cam'st thou to know any thing of his, that art but a boat-man and tied to thy oar?  Charon. 
Upbraid me not I pray you, with my profession: for when I transported him at his death, I heard him pronounce many verses, of which I have kept some in my remembrance to this day: by the same token a foggy storm had like to have cast us all away: 
Odyss. 5. v. 291. etc.  for as he was singing (an unlucky poem for sailors, we may say) how Neptune gathered the clouds, and stirred the seas with his trident like a ladle in a pot, how he raised all the winds and tumbled all the waves together, a sudden tempest with a darkness fell upon us that had like to have overturned our boat, and made him so sea-sick that he 
r Homer was anciently pictured vomiting, or making water in a basin, and the rest of the Poets standing round about, and drinking everyone a part, to show that they received their excellence from him.  vomited up a great deal of his poem, with his Scylla, his Charybdis, and all his Cyclops.  Mercury. 
Then thou mightest easily keep some for thyself, when thou sawest him to lay about him so lustily.  Charon. 
Now tell me 

s An imitation of Homer. II. 3. v. 226. where Priamus asks the question of Helena concerning Ajax.  What big-boned man is this, so strong and tall,  
By head and shoulders overtopping all?   Mercury. 
This is 
t He began with a sucking calf, and as that grew, so still his strength increased, so that at length by continual exercise and custom he grew able to carry a bull.  Milo, the Champion of 
u A city in Italy very famous for men of activity, insomuch that at one Olympic feast, all the Victors were of this town, and hence grew that proverb. Qui Crotoniatatum postremus est, is reliquorum Graecorum primus est.  Craton, so much magnified by the Grecians for bearing a bull upon his back, thorough the 
* Which was a mile long.  Olympian ●ace.  Charon. 
How much greater cause have they to magnify me, that must shortly hoist up Milo himself when he comes to us, and put him into a little boat, after he hath been foiled by that invincible Antagonist, death, who shall trip up his heels, and give him a fall he knows not how? then will he cry and lament to us, when he remembers the garlands and acclamations that have been made on earth for him, though he now strut it out like a brave fellow, admired only for carrying of a bull: but what may we think of him Mercury? that he ever had any thought of death?  Mercury. 
How should he remember death, that is in the prime of all his strength?  Charon. 
Let us then leave him: for we shall laugh enough at him hereafter, when we have him on shipboard, not able to carry the weight of a gnat, much less to wield a bull: now tell me what stately majestical person this is, for by his habit he should not be a Grecian.  Mercury. 

Herodot. lib. 1. justine. See the rock 16 18.  It is Cyrus, Charon, that formerly reigned over the Medians, and at this time King of the Persians: he lately vanquished the Assyrians, and brought Babylon under his subjection, and is now preparing an army against Lydia, to subdue Croesus, and make himself King over all.  Charon. 
And where is that Croesus?  Mercury. 
Look that way towards the great Castle compassed with a triple wall: that is Sardis, and there you may see Croesus sitting upon a bed of gold talking with 
x One of the 7. wise men of Greece, and Lawgiver to the Athenians. He writ his laws about the 33. year of Tarqvinius Priscus reigning in Rome. Gellius lib 17. c 21.  Solon the Athenian: shall we listen to hear what they say?  Charon. 
By all means.  Croesus. 
O thou Athenian stranger, thou hast seen my riches and my treasure, the abundance of gold I have yet unwrought, and the costly furniture of my palace: tell me now what man thou thinkest to be most happy.  Charon. 
What will Solon say to this?  Mercury. 
Take you no care for that Charon, for he will answer him bravely:  Solon. 
O Croesus, fortunate men are few, but of all I know, I think 
y 
Two young men the sons of an Argive woman-Priest, who having drawn their mother in her chariot to the Temple, she in recompense of their piety besought the god● to bestow upon them that thing whatsoever it were that it was best for man to have, whereupon having supped with their mother, and then betaking themselves to their rest, in the morning they were both found dead. Herod. lib. 1.  
No man is to be accounted happy before his death.   Cleobis and Biton to be the most happy, that were sons of a woman priest.  Charon. 
He means the two Argives, that died together, after they had drawn, their mother in her chariot to the Temple.  Croesus. 
Be it so: put them in the first place of happiness: but who shall be the second?  Solon. 
Tellus the Athenian, who led an honest life and died in defence of his country.  Croesus. 
Thou base beggarly fellow: dost thou not hold me to be a happy man?  Solon. 
I know not yet, Croesus, what to say of that till you come to the end of your time, death is the true touchstone of happiness, and a continuance of prosperity to the end of life.  Charon. 
Godamercy, Solon, that thou art not unmindful of us, but makest the paying of their fare the true Judge of felicity: but who doth Croesus now send out from him, and what is it they bear upon their shoulders?  Mercury. 
Plates of gold, to consecrate as an offering to Apollo in lieu of his Oracles, 
z Croesus' sending to the Oracle at Delphos to know the issue of his war, and continuance of his Kingdom was answered to the first, that if he made war with the Persians, he should overthrow a great Kingdom, and to the second, that his estate should suffer no alteration till such time as a mule should reign over the Medes: thus he making construction of the former, the best way for himself, and grounding upon the impossibility of the later brought his Kingdom to destruction, and himself to ruin, but afterwards questioning Apollo for the truth of the Oracle, was answered that the Oracle was not in the fault, but his own misconstruction, for by the great kingdom was not meant the Persians but his own, and that of the mule was made good in Cyrus his Conqueror, who was borne of parents of diverse countries, his mother being daughter to Astyages King of the Medes, and his father a Persian and a subject, and was so in all things like a mule which is begotten by a he ass and a mare being more noble by the mother's side than the fathers. Herod. Clio.  which will shortly bring him to ruin: for the man is overmuch addict to vaticination.  Charon. 
Is that shining thing gold, that glitters with a pale ruddy colour? I have heard much of it, but I never saw any before.  Mercury. 
That renowned name it carries, and this is it that men so fight for.  Charon. 
I cannot see what goodness is in it: only it jades them shrewdly that carry it.  Mercury. 
Little dost thou know the wars that have been made for it, the treacheries, the robberies, the perjuries, the murders, the imprisonments, the long voyages, the trafficks and the slaveries.  Charon. 
For this, Mercury, that looks so like brass? for brass I am well acquainted with: you know I receive a halfpenny of every man that crosseth the ferry.  Mercury. 
True, but brass is common, and therefore not in so great request: for they that work in the mines, must dig a great depth to find a little of this: for it grows in the earth, as lead and other metals do.  Charon. 
O the madness of mankind to be so besotted with such a pale and ponderous kind of mettle!  Mercury. 
Solon you see doth not so much dote upon it, for he derides Croesus, and all his barbarous ostentation: but it seems he is to say somewhat more unto him: let us therefore hearken what it is.  Solon. 
I beseech you, Croesus, tell me whether you think Apollo hath any need of these plates.  Croesus. 
Yes verily for he hath not such an offering in Delphus.  Solon. 
Do you think you shall add any happiness to the god, if beside the rest of his riches, you furnish him with these plates also?  Croesus. 
I think I shall.  Solon. 
Believe me, Croesus, you make heaven a poor place indeed, if they must be fain to send to Lydia for gold when they lack it.  Croesus. 

* The river Pactolus runs through Lydia, whose sands are all of gold.  And where is there so much gold in any place, as amongst us?  Solon. 
Doth not iron grow in Lydia?  Croesus. 
Not at all.  Solon. 
Then you want the better mettle.  Croesus. 
What, iron better than gold?  Solon. 
If you will answer me with patience, it shall plainly appear so.  Croesus. 
What is your question, Solon?  Solon. 
Which are the better, they that save others, or they that be saved?  Croesus. 
They that save others.  Solon. 
Then if Cyrus bring an army against the Lydians, as they say he will, shall your soldiers fight with golden swords, or is iron fit for their purpose?  Croesus. 
Iron no doubt.  Solon. 
I, were it not for iron, your gold might be carried captive into Persia.  Croesus. 
For speak us not, I pray you.  Solon. 
God forbidden it should be so: but than you must needs confess iron to be the better.  Croesus. 
Should I then consecrate iron plates, and revoke my gold again?  Solon. 
He hath as little need of your iron: but be it brass or gold you dedicate, it will come to some men's hands one day, that will make rich use of your offering, for either the 
b 
The Phocens, and Boeotians made war for the Temple of Delphos, and oftentimes spoilt it.  
Herodot. Clio. The Tyrant. 1.   Phocens, or the 
b 
The Phocens, and Boeotians made war for the Temple of Delphos, and oftentimes spoilt it.  
Herodot. Clio. The Tyrant. 1.   Boeotians, or the Delphians themselves or some sacrilegious tyrant or other, will make good prize of them: god doth little regard your gold works.  Crows. 
Thou art ever quarrelling & grumbling at my riches.  Mercury. 
Thou seest, Charon, the Lydian King cannot away with his plain dealing, nor endure to have the truth told him: but he shall have good cause to remember Solon shortly, when he shall be taken captive by Cyrus, and cast upon a pile of wood to be burnt: 
Herod. l. 2.3.  for I lately heard Clotho read over her book of destinies, and among the rest this was also written, that Croesus should be taken prisoner by Cyrus, and that Cyrus should be slain by yonder Queen of the Massageteses: dost thou not see that Scythian Lady there, that rides upon a white horse?  Charon. 
Yes.  Mercury. 
That is Tomyris: she shall cut of the head of Cyrus, and cast it into a vessel full of blood: dost thou not also see his son, that young man with him? that is, Cambyses, who shall reign after his father, and failing of his enterprises every way in Lybia and Aethiopia, in the end shall die mad, after they have killed 
c A calf which the Egyptians worshipped for a god, having these marks, it was all over black except a square white in the forehead, & on his back the figure of an eagle, two white hairs in his tale and a beetle upon his tongue. Herod. Thalia.  Apis.  Charon. 
O most ridiculous folly! now, who dare look upon them when they are in their ruff? or who would believe, that so soon after, the one should be taken prisoner, the other have his head cast into a vessel of blood? but who is this, Merc. with the purple cassock buckled about him, and a diadem upon his head, to whom his cook delivers a ring, cut out of a fishes belly, taken in the sea? he is sure some King at the least. Hom. Odyss. 1.  Mer. 
Well spied out, Charon, for thou hast now found 
d All things succeeding prosperously even to admiration with Polycrates, Amasis K. of Egypt with whom he had made a firm league of friendship sent him this advice, that since fortune was a fickle and unconstant goddess, seeing that she now so exceedingly flattered him, he feared she would sometime or other as enviously cross him, and that he would therefore counsel him to temper his prosperity with some voluntary misfortune, that so he might be prepared for any alteration that might befall him, which he might do if considering with himself what thing in the world he esteemed most he threw it quite away, never to come in his sight again. Polycrates receiving this counsel, and be thinking himself took a ring wherein was a smaragd signet, as the thing which he most valued in the world, and taking boat cast it into the sea, but not long after a fisherman presenting a very large fish, which he had taken, to the King the very same ring was found in the fishes belly.  Polycrates, the tyrant of the Samians, the happiest man alive: yet his servant 
d Necrom. 7.  Moeandrius, that stands there by him, shall betray him into the hands of Oraetes, who shall hang him upon a gibbet: and thus shall the wretched man fall from his happiness in a moment: this I also heard from Clotho.  Charon. 
Bravely done, Clotho, serve them all in their right kind, cut off their heads, hang them up, that they may know themselves to be but men: let their advancement be only to make their fall the more bitter: how I shall laugh to see them all naked in my little boat, and bring with them neither purple, diadem, nor bed of gold.  Mercury. 
Enough of these: now behold the actions of ordinary men, Charon, of which thou seest some be sailors, some soldiers, some lawyers, some ploughmen, some usurers, and some beggars.  Charon. 
I see a confused throng of sundry sorts of people, and a life full of vexation and trouble, and their cities like hives of bees, in which every bee hath a particular sting to himself, wherewith he girdeth him that is next him, and some among them, that like wasps spoil and oppress the weaker: but I see a multitude of somewhat else, obscurely hover about them: what may they be?  Mercury. 

A description of man's life.  They are hopes, Charon, and fears, and follies, and covetousness, and angers, and hatreds, and the like: of which, folly, and hatred, and anger, and jealousy, and ignorance, and poverty are mixed among them, and dwell in the city with them: but fears and hopes fly aloft: the one when it falls upon them, makes them amazed, and sometimes glad to keep close, but the hopes still fly over their heads: and when a man thinks to have sure hold of them, they take their flight and are gone, leaving them gaping after them, as you have seen Tantalus below after the water: But if you look more narrowly, you shall see how the destinies have spun every man a spindle above, 
Man's frailness.  from which they all hang by slender twines: do you not see little threads as small as spider's webs coming down to every man from the spindle's?  Charon. 
I see a slender thread for every man: but many of them cross from one to another, and go in and out like a net, this to him, and the same again to another.  Mercury. 
So it must be, Ferryman: for it is this man's destiny to be killed by him, and he by another: this man must be heir to him that hath the shorter thread, and another again to him: this is the reason of that crossing: do you not see how little a line they all hang by? and he that is drawn on high, shall the sooner down again by the breaking of the thread, when it is not strong enough to hold his weight, and make a great noise in the fall: whereas he that is drawn up but little, though he fall, it shall be without noise, for his next neighbour shall hardly hear it.  Charon. 
This makes me laugh indeed, Mercury.  Mercury. 
It cannot be expressed in words, Charon, how much they deserve to be derided, especially to see how earnest they are upon it, and yet they must be gone in the midst of their hopes when they are clapped in the neck by honest death, who you see, hath many messengers and officers attending upon him for that purpose, as chilling agues, burning fevers, consumptions, inflammations of the lungs, swords, thiefs, poisons, Judges, and Tyrants: 
Death's officers.  yet none of all this comes in their heads as long as they are in health: but when once they fall sick, than they cry, alas, alas, woe is me, what shall I do: whereas if at the first they did consider with themselves that they are mortal, 
Few men prepared for it.  and were to bestow but a little time as strangers in this life, and so to departed again, as out of a dream, leaving all earthly things behind them, they would live more temperately, and take their deaths more patiently: but now because they hope after a perpetuity of things present, when the officer comes to call them, and takes them aside, and fetters them fast with some fever or consumption, they grieve and take on at their departure, because they never dreamt of such a separation: what would he do, think you, that is busy in building him a new house, and hastens his workmen forward as fast as he can, if he knew it should hasten his end also, and that as soon as he raised the roof, he was to be gone, and leave his heir to enjoy it, himself, miserable man, not once making a meal in it? or he that is jocund because his wife hath brought him a male child, and feasts his friends for joy, and sets the father's name upon him, 
Epictet. c. 8. etc.  if he knew the child should die, as soon as he came to seven years of age? do you think he would take so great comfort in his birth? the reason is, because they take great notice of him that is fortunate in his child, if he prove to be a Champion, and get the mastery in Olympus: but if their next neighbour carry a child to burial, they never think upon it, nor what web he hung by: thou seest also many, that strive and contend for the limits of their lands, and that gather and heap up riches in abundance, yet before they can take benefit of them, are called aside by those messengers and officers I before told you of.  Charon. 
I see all this: and muse in myself what pleasure they take in this life, and what that is, they are so loath to leave behind them.  Mercury. 
If a man should examine the state of their Kings, who are thought to attain the highest degree of happiness (excepting only the uncertainty of fickle fortune) he shall find them filled with more vexation than pleasure: as fears, troubles, hatreds, treacheries, angers and flatteries: for to them all these are incident: I omit their sorrows, sicknesses, and misfortunes, which domineer over them in equal authority: than if their condition be so ill, you may easily conjecture how it fares with private men.  Charon. 
I will tell you, Mercury, my conceit, and what I think men, and their whole manner of life, are most like unto: 
A comparison of man's life.  I have often seen those bubbles that rise now and then by the fall of water out of some spring: I mean those swelling things whereof froth is engendered: and I have noted that some of them are small, which break quickly and are soon dissolved: some again last longer and by the addition of others grow bigger and bigger till they swell to a great height: yet in the end they burst also: for it cannot be avoided: such is the life of man, they are all puffed up with wind, some more, some less: some have a short continuance of swelling: and some vanish as soon as they are risen: but all must needs burst in the end.  Mercury. 
Well said, Charon, 
Iliad. 6. v. 146.  thou hast made as good a comparison as Homer, for he likens the generation of men to the leaves of trees.  Charon. 
They are no better, Mercury, and yet you see how busy they are, and what a stir they make in striving for dignities, honours and possessions, which they must all leave behind them, and bring but one poor halfpenny with them when they come to us: what if I should call aloud unto them, now we are got to such a height, and exhort them to abstain from their vain employments, and to live, as having death always before their eyes, and say unto them, O foolish men, why do you bestow your time upon such trifles? misspend not your travels to so ill purpose: ye shall not live for ever: nothing you here affect can be perpetual neither shall any man bring any of it away with him at his death, but of necessity he must come stark naked, and leave his house, his land, and money behind him, to be for ever in the possession of others, and subject to the changes of many masters: if I should proclaim this and the like amongst them, out of a place whence all might hear me, do you not think it would do a great deal of good, and make them more wary in their carriage?  Merc. 
O honest Charon, little dost thou know how they are bewitched with ignorance & error, & their ears so stopped, that they can hardly be boared open with an awgar: Ulysses could not make his followers ears more fast with wax from hearing the Sirens: you may break your heart with calling before they will hearken to you: 
Od. 12. v. 177,  for look what virtue the water of Lethe hath with you, the same operation hath ignorance with them: yet there are some few amongst them, that will suffer no wax to be crammed into their ears, but are attentive to the truth, see perfecty how the world goes, and able to judge of it accordingly.  Charon. 
What if I call to them?  Mercury. 
It were bootless to tell them what they know already: you see how they stand aloof off from the multitude, and deride their actions, taking no contentment in them: perceive you not how they are upon consultation to turn fugitives out of this life, and run to you? for they are hated of all men because they reprove their ignorance.  Charon. 

Few men wise.  Well done honest hearts: but Mercury me thinks there be but few of them.  Mercury. 
These are all: let us now down again.  Charon. 
One thing more, Mercury, I desire to hear from you: let me know but that, and you shall make your guidance complete: I would fain see the places where dead bodies lie when they are cast into the earth.  Mercury. 
They are called monuments, Charon, and tombs, and sepulchres: dost thou not see those heaps of earth that are cast up before their cities? and the pillars, & the 
f The Egyptian sepulchres built by their Kings at a wonderful charge.  Pyramids? those are all storehouses and receptacles of dead carcases.  Charon. 
But why do they crown those stones with garlands, and anoint them with sweet ointments? some make a great pile of wood before those heaps of earth upon which they burn costly and delicate banquets: 
The manner of burial in ancient times.  and dig a pit in the earth, into which they pour, as I suppose, wine, and honey mixed with it.  Mercury. 
Believe me Ferryman, I do not know wha● good all this can do to them that are in hell: but perhaps they are persuaded, the souls below, come up again to feed upon the savour, and smoke of the feast as they fly about it, and to drink of the liquor in the pit.  Charon: 
They eat or drink, whose sculls are withered & dried up? but I am a fool to say so much to you that conduct them every day, and know it impossible for them to get up again when they are once under the earth: I were in a poor case then indeed, and should have somewhat to do, if I were not only to bring them down, but also carry them up again to drink: O vain men and ignorant, not knowing upon what terms the state of dead and living men depend, nor the manner of our being, where 

g Animitation and inversion of some of Homer's verses Iliad. 1. & Od. 10. etc.  No difference is, but all is one  
Whether they have Tombs or none,  
Poor Irus of as great a birth  
As Agamemnon under earth:  
Thersites hath as good a feature  
As Thetis son that comely creature.  
All empty skulls naked and dry  
In Asphodelus meadows lie.   Mercury. 
O Hercules, what a deal of Homer hast thou pumped up together! but now thou hast put it into my head, I will show thee Achilles tomb: see where it stands upon the sea shore: for that is the 
h Both Promontories ne'er unto Troy.  Trojan Sigeum, and over against it is Ajax entombed in 
h Both Promontories ne'er unto Troy.  Rhoetium.  Charon. 
These are no such great monuments, Mercury: but now let me see those famous cities we have heard of below, as 
i Niniveh.  Ninus, the city of Sardanapalus, and Babylon, and 
k Ancient cities of Greece.  Mycenae and 
k Ancient cities of Greece.  Cleonae, and the city of Troy: for I remember I have transported many a man from thence: 
l All the time of the Trojan war.  ten years together I had no time to draw up my boat into the dock, nor once to make it clean.  Mercury. 
Ninus, ferryman, is utterly vanished, no token of it remaining, neither can any man tell where it stood: but Babylon you may see yonder, the city that hath so many towers, and takes up so great a circuit of ground, shortly to be sought after as well as the other: as for Mycenae and Cleonae, I am ashamed to show them, and especially Troy: for I know when you are got down again, you will have about with Homer for magnifying them so much in his verses: yet in former time they have been famous places, though now decayed, for cities must die, Ferryman, as well as men: & which is more to be admired, even whole rivers are perished from having any being: 
m A river said to be in the country Argos.  Inachus hath not so much as a sepulchre to be seen in all the country of Argos.  Charon. 
Alas good Homer, that thou shouldst commend them so highly, and set them forth with such stately titles, as sacred Ilium, spacious Ilium, beautiful Cleonae: but whilst we are busy in talk, who are they that are fight yonder, and kill one another so desperately?  Mercury. 
There thou seest the Argives and Lacedæmonians in battle, Charon, and Othryades their captain, half dead 
n 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Others will have it, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, writing a trophy of the victory with his own blood. The Lacedæmonians and the Argives being to fight for the country of Thyria, it was at last agreed upon betwixt them that three hundred of each side should end the controversy, of which there were only three left alive: of the Argives, Alcinor, and Cromius who returned to Argos supposing that they had got the victory: of the Lacedæmonians Othryades, who remained in the field, spoilt the bodies of his slain enemies, and wrote his name in his shield with his own blood in token of the victory.  and writing down his own name, as a trophy of the victory.  Charon. 
What do they fight for, Mercury?  Mercury. 
For the same country they fight in.  Charon. 
O gross ignorance: they know not, that although every man amongst them had as much as all 
o The greatest peninsula of all Europe, joined to the rest of Greece by the Corinthian Isthmus, it is now called Morea.  Peloponnesus in his possession, yet Aeacus would allow no more, than a plot of a foot broad for a man to abide in: and this country must often be ploughed up by man after man, which many times with their plough shares shall turn up trophies out of the depth of the earth.  Mercury. 
This must be so: therefore now let us down again and departed: I, to the business I was sent about, thou to thy boat, and I will bring thee passengers, as speedily as I can.  Charon. 
You have done me a friendly favour, Mercury, and I will record you for my benefactor everlastingly: for by your means I have got knowledge of matters appurtenant to miserable mankind, and have seen Kings, plates of gold, sacrifices, and battles: but not a word of Charon.   

LUCIAN HIS TRUE HISTORY.  
EVen as Champions, and wrestlers, 
The Pr●…me.  and such as practise the strength and agility of body, are not only careful to retain a sound constitution of health, and to hold on their ordinary course of exercise, 
The mind requires some recreation, as well as the body.  but sometimes also to recreate themselves with seasonable intermission, and esteem it as a main point of their practice: so I think it necessary for Scholars, & such as addict themselves to the study of learning, after they have traveled long in the perusal of serious authors, to relax a little the intention of their thoughts, that they may be more apt and able to endure a continued course of study: And this kind of repose will be the more conformable, and fit their purpose better, if it be employed in the reading of such works, 
His purpose in writing this history.  as shall not only yield a bare content by the pleasing and comely composure of them, but shall also give occasion of some learned speculation to the mind, which I suppose I have effected in these books of mine: wherein not only the novelty of the subject, nor the pleasingness of the project, may tickle the Reader with delight, nor to hear so many notorious lies delivered perswasively and in the way of truth, but because every thing here by me set down, doth in a Comical fashion glance at some or other of the old Poets, Historiographers, and Philosophers, which in their writings have recorded many monstrous and intolerable untruths, whose names I would have quoted down, but that I knew the reading would bewray them to you. 
a He wrote also 30. books of the Persian History Su●d.  Ctesias, the son of Ctesiochus, the Cnidian, wrote of the Region of the Indians, and the state of those Countries, matters, which he neither saw himself, nor ever heard come from the mouth of any man. Jambulus also wrote many strange miracles of the great sea, which all men knew to be lies and fictions, yet so composed that they want not their delight: and many others have made choice of the like argument, of which some have published their own travels, and peregrinations, wherein they have described the greatness of beasts, the fierce condition of men, with their strange and uncouth manner of life: but the first father and founder of all this foolery, was Homer's Ulysseses, 
Odyss. 9 etc.  who tells a long tale to Alcinous, of the servitude of the winds, and of wild men with one eye in their foreheads that fed upon raw flesh: of beasts with many heads, and the transformation of his friends by enchanted potions, all which he made the silly Phaeakes believe for great sooth. This coming to my perusal, I could not condemn ordinary men for lying, when I saw it in request amongst them that would be counted Philosophical persons: 
Tam vacui capitis populum Phaeaca putavit. Juven.  yet could not but wonder at them, that writing so manifest lies, they should not think to be taken with the manner; and this made me also ambitious to leave some monument of myself behind me, that I might not be the only man exempted from this liberty of lying: and because I had no matter of verity to employ my pen in, (for nothing hath befallen me worth the writing) I turned my style to publish untruths, but with an honester mind than others have done: for this one thing I confidently pronounce for a truth, that I lie: and this I hope, may be an excuse for all the rest, when I confess what I am faulty in: for I writ of matters which I neither saw nor suffered, nor heard by report from others, which are in no being, 
He professes himself a liar.  nor possible ever to have a beginning: let no man therefore in any case give any credit to them.  
Disankering on a time from the 
b Two mountains, one in Europe, the other in Africa, on each side the Straits of Gibraltar.  pillars of Hercules, the wind fitting me well for my purpose, I thrust into the West Ocean: the occasion that moved me to take such a voyage in hand, was only a curiosity of mind, a desire of novelties, and a longing to learn out the bounds of the Ocean, and what people inhabit the farther shore: for which purpose, I made plentiful provision of victuals and freshwater, got fifty companions of the same humour to associate me in my travels, furnished myself with store of munition, gave a round sum of money to an expert pilot that could direct us in our course, and new rigged, and repaired a tall ship strongly, to hold a tedious and difficult journey: Thus sailed we forward a day and a night with a prosperous wind, and as long as we had any sight of land, made no great haste on our way: but the next morrow about sun rising, the wind blew high, and the waves began to swell, and a darkness fell upon us, so that we could not see to strike our sails, but gave our ship over to the wind and weather: thus were we tossed in this tempest, the space of threescore and nineteen days together, on the fourescorth day, the sun upon a sudden brake out, and we descried not fare off us, an Island full of mountains & woods, about the which the seas did not rage's so boisterously, for the storm was now reasonably well calmed: there we thrust in, and went on shore, and cast ourselves upon the ground, and so lay a long time, 
It was requisite the tempest● should continue thus long, and he sail altogether in the dark lest he should be asked the way to this strange Island.  as utterly tired with our misery at sea: in the end we arose up, and divided ourselves: thirty we left to guard our ship: myself, and twenty more, went to discover the Island, and had not gone above three furlongs from the sea through a wood, but we saw a brazen pillar erected, where upon Greek letters were engraven, though now much worn and hard to be discerned, importing, Thus fare traveled Hercules and Bacchus: there were also near unto the place, two portraitures cut out in a rock, the one of the quantity of an acre of ground, the other less: which made me imagine the the lesser to be Bacchus, and the other Hercules: and giving them due adoration: we proceeded on our journey: and fare we had not gone, but we came to a river, the stream whereof seemed to run with as rich wine, as any is made in 
c An Island in the Aegaean sea, famous for excellent wines.  Chios, and of a great breadth, in some places able to bear a ship, which made me to give the more credit to the inscription upon the pillar, when I saw such apparent signs of Bacchus' peregrination: we then resolved to travel up the stream, to find whence the river had his original: and when we were come to the head, no spring at all appeared, but mighty great vine trees of infinite number, which from their roots distilled pure wine which made the river run so abundantly: 
See our Author's modesty, for this carries more probability by fare, than that a spring of wine should rise out of the earth.  the stream was also well stored with fish, of which we took a few, in taste & colour much resembling wine, but as many as eat of them, fell drunk upon it: for when they were opened & cut up, we found them to be full of lees: afterwards me mixed some freshwater fish with them, which allayed the strong taste of the wine. We than crossed the stream where we found it passable, and came among a world of vines of incredible number, which towards the earth had firm stocks and of a good growth but the tops of them were women, from the hips upwards, having all their proportion perfect and complete: 
Half a virgin & half a tree.  as painters picture out Daphne, who was turned into a tree when she was overtaken by Apollo: at their fingers ends sprung out branches full of grapes, and the hair of their heads was nothing else but winding wires and leaves, and clusters of grapes: when we were come to them they saluted us, and joined hands with us, and spoke unto us some in the Lydian, and some in the Indian language, but most of them in Greek: they also kissed us with their mouths, but he that was so kissed fell drunk, 
Many men have thus lost themselves, in the yielding to the bewitching enticements of wine and women.  and was not his own man a good while after: they could not abide to have any fruit pulled from them, but would roar & cry out pitifully, if any man offered it: some of them desired to have carnal mixture with us, & two of our company were so bold as to entertain their offer, and could never afterwards be loosed from them, but were knit fast together at their neither parts, from whence they grew together, and took root together, and their fingers began to spring out with branches, and crooked wires, as if they were ready to bring out fruit: whereupon we forsook them and fled to our ships, and told the company at our coming what had betide unto us, how our fellows were entangled, and of their copulation with the vines: then we took certain of our vessels, and filled them, some with water and some with wine out of the river, and lodged for that night near the shore. On the morrow we put to sea again, the wind serving us weakly, but about noon, when we had lost sight of the Island, upon a sudden a whirlwind caught us, which turned our ship round about, and lifted us up some three thousand furlongs into the air, and suffered us not to settle again into the sea, but we hung above ground, and were carried aloft with a mighty wind which filled our sails strongly. 
The Island of of the Moon.  Thus for seven day's space and so many nights, were we driven along in that manner, and on the eight day, 
What wind blew them thither.  we came in view of a great country in the air, like to a shining Island, of a round proportion, gloriously glittering with light, and approaching to it, we there arrived, and took land, and surveying the country, we found it to be both inhabited and husbanded: 
He closely taxes their opinion who hold the Sun, Moon, and Stars to be inhabited countries.  and as long as the day lasted we could see nothing there, but when night was come many other Islands appeared unto us, some greater and some less, all of the colour of fire, and another kind of earth underneath, in which were cities, & seas, & rivers, & woods, and mountains, which we conjectured to be the earth by us inhabited: and going further into the land, we were met withal & taken by those kind of people, which they call 
d A made word signifying hors-vultures, or vulture-horses, or vulture riders: and so are the rest that follow, names coined, and composed for his purpose.  Hippogypians: these Hippogypians are men riding upon monstrous vultures, which they use instead of horses: for the vultures there are exceeding great, every one with 3 heads apiece: you may imagine their greatness by this: for every feather in their wings was bigger & longer than the mast of a tall ship: their charge was to fly about the country, & all the strangers they found to bring them to the King: and their fortune was then to seize upon us, and by them we were presented to him: As soon as he saw us, he conjectured by our habit what countrymen we were, and said, are not you strangers Grecians? which when we affirmed, and how could you make way, said he, thorough so much air as to get hither? then we delivered the whole discourse of our fortunes to him, whereupon he began to tell us likewise of his own adventures, how that he also was a man, by name 
e Icaromen. c.  Endymion, and rapt up long since from the earth, as he was asleep, and brought hither, where he was made King of the Country, and said it was that region: which to us below seemed to be the Moon, but he bade us be of good cheer, 
Endymion King of the Moon.  and fear no danger, for we should want nothing we stood in need of: and if the war he was now in hand withal against the Sun, succeeded fortunately, we should live with him in the highest degree of happiness: then we asked of him what enemies he had, and the cause of the quarrel: and he answered, 
f The son of Phoebus and Clymene, who having obtained leave to ride one day about the world in his father's Chariot, though sore against his will, by his unskilful driving scorched a great part both of heaven and earth, and was therefore strooke dead with a thunderbolt by Jupiter. Ovid. Met.  Phaethon the King of the inhabitants of the Sun (for that is also peopled as well as the Moon) hath made war against us a long time, upon this occasion. I once assembled all the poor people and needy persons within my dominions, purposing to send a Colony to inhabit the Morning Star, because the country was desert, and had no body dwelling in it: This Phaethon envying, crossed me in my design, and sent his Hippomyrmicks, to meet with us in the midway, by whom we were surprised at that time, being not prepared for an encounter, and were forced to retire: now therefore my purpose is once again to denounce war, and publish a plantation of people there: if therefore you will participate with us in our expedition, I will furnish you every one with a prime Vulture, and all armour answerable for service: for to morrow we must set forwards: 
The morning there, but the evening here.  with all our hearts, said I, if it please you: then were we feasted and abode with him, and in the morning arose to set ourselves in order of battle: for our scouts had given us knowledge that the enemy was at hand: our forces in number amounted to an hundred thousand, besides such as bare burdens and enginiers, and the foot forces, and the strange aids: of these fourscore thousand were Hippogypians, and twenty thousand, 
The number of their forces.  that road upon Lachanopters, which is a mighty great foul, and instead of feathers, covered thick over with wort leaves: but their wing feathers, were much like the leaves of lettices: after them were placed the Cencrobolians and the Scorodomachians: there came also to aid us from the bear star, thirty thousand Psyllotoxotanes, and fifty thousand Anemodromians: these Psyllotoxotans, ride upon great fleas, of which they have their denomination: for every flea among them is as big as a dozen elephants: the Anemodromians are footmen yet flew in the air without feathers in this manner: every man had a large mantle reaching down to his foot, which the wind blowing against, filled it like a sail, and they were carried along as if they had been boats: the most part of these in fight were targeteers: it was said also that there were expected from the stars over Cappadocia, threescore and ten-thousand Struthobalanians, and five thousand Hippogeranians, but I had no sight of them, for they were not yet come, and therefore I durst write nothing, though wonderful and incredible reports were given out of them: this was the number of Endymion's army: the furniture was all alike: their helmets of bean hulls, which are great with them and very strong, their breastplates all of lupins cut into scales, for they take the shells of lupins, and fastening them together, make brest-plates of them which are impenetrable, and as hard as any horn: 
The order of Endymion's battle.  their shields and swords like to ours in Greece: and when the time of battle was come, they were ordered in this manner. The right wing was supplied by the Hippogypians, where the King himself was in person, with the choicest soldiers in the army, amongst whom we also were ranged: the Lachanopters made the left wing and the aids were placed in the main battle as every man's fortune fell: the foot, which in number were about six thousand Myriad, were disposed of in this manner: there are many spiders in those parts of mighty bigness, every one in quantity exceeding one of the Islands 
g They are in the Aegaean sea, in number 53.  Cyclades: these were appointed to spin a web in the air between the Moon, and the Morning Star, which was done in an instant, and made a plain Champion, upon which the foot forces were planted, who had for their leader, 
The order of Phaeton's battle.  Nycterion the son of Eudianax, and two other associates. But of the enemy's side the left wing consisted of the Hippomyrmekes, and among them Phaethon himself: these are beasts of huge bigness and winged, carrying the resemblance of our emmets, but for their greatness: for those of the largest size were of the quantity of two acres, and not only the riders supplied the place of soldiers, but they also did much mischief with their horns: they were in number fifty thousand: in the right wing were ranged the Aeroconopes, of which there were also about fifty thousand, all archers riding upon great gnats: then followed the Aerocordakes who were light armed and footmen, but good soldiers, casting out of slings a fare off huge great turnips and whosoever was hit with them lived not long after, but died with the stink that proceeded from their wounds: it is said they use to anoint their bullets with the poison of mallows: after them were placed the Caulomycetes, men at arms and good at handstroakes, in number about fifty thousand: they are called Caulomycetes, because their shields are made of mushrums, and their spears of the stalks of the herb Asparagus: near unto them were placed the Cynobalanians, that were sent from the Dogstar to aid him, these were men with dog's faces, riding upon winged acorns: but the slingers that should have come out of Via lactea, and the Nephelocentaures came too short of these aids, for the battle was done before their arrival, so that they did them no good: 
The fight.  & indeed the slingers came not at all, wherefore they say Phaethon in displeasure  their country: these were the forces that Phaethon brought into the field: and when they were joined in battle, after the signal was given, and the asses on either side had brayed, (for these are to them instead of trumpets) the fight began, and the left wing of the Heliotans, or Sun soldiers, fled presently, and would not abide to receive the charge of the Hippogypians, but turned their backs immediately, & many were put to the sword: but the right wing of theirs were too hard for our left wing, and drove them back till they came to our footmen, who joining with them, made the enemies there also turn their backs and fly, especially when they found their own left wing to be overthrown. Thus were they wholly discomfited on all hands, many were taken prisoners, and many slain: much blood was spilt, some fell upon the clouds, which made them look of a red colour, as sometimes they appear to us about Sun setting: some dropped down upon the earth: which made me suppose it was upon some such occasion, 
Iliad. lib. 16. v. 459.  that Homer thought Jupiter reigned blood for the death of his son Sarpedon: returning from the pursuit, we erected two Trophies: one for the fight on foot, which we placed upon the spider's web: the other for the fight in the air, which we set up upon the clouds: as soon as this was done, news came to us by our scouts, that the Nephelocentaures were coming on, which indeed should have come to Phaethon before the fight. And when they drew so near unto us that we could take full view of them, it was a strange sight to behold such monsters, composed of flying horses & men: that part which resembled mankind, which was from the waist upwards, did equal in greatness the 
h Icaromenip. y  Rhodian Colossus, and that which was like a horse, was as big as a great ship of burden: and of such multitude that I was fearful to set down their number, lest it might be taken for a lie: and for their leader, they had the 
i Chiron the Centaur, who was translated into heaven, and made one of the 12 signs of the Zodiac.  Sigittarius out of the Zodiac: when they heard that their friends were foiled, they sent a messenger to Phaethon to renew the fight: whereupon they set themselves in array, and fell upon the Selenitans or the Moon soldiers that were troubled, and disordered in following the chase, & scattered in gathening the spoils, and put them all to flight, and pursued the King into his city, and killed the greatest part of his birds, overturned the Trophies he had set up, and overcame the whole country that was spun by the spiders: Myself and two of my companions were taken alive: when Phaethon, himself was come, they set up other Trophies in token of victory, and on the morrow we were carried prisoners into the Sun, our arms bound behind us with a piece of the cobweb: yet would they by no means lay any siege to the city, but returned and built up a wall in the midst of the air, to keep the light of the Sun from falling upon the Moon, 
The reason of the Moon's Eclipse.  & they made it a double wall, wholly compact of clouds, so that a manifest eclipse of the Moon ensued, and all things detained in perpetual night: wherewith Endymion was so much oppressed, that he sent Ambassadors to entreat the demolishing of the building, and beseech him that he would not damn them to live in darkness, promising to pay him tribute, to be his friend and associate, and never after to stir against him: Phaethons' counsel twice assembled to consider upon this offer: and in their first meeting would remit nothing of their conceived displeasure, but on the morrow they altered their minds to these terms. The Heliotans and their colleagues have made a peace with the Selenitans and their associates upon these conditions, that the Heliotans shall cast down the wall, and deliver the prisoners that they have taken, upon a rarable ransom: and that the Selenitans should leave the other stars at liberty, and raise no war against the Heliotans, but aid and assist one another, if either of them should be invaded: that the King of the Selenitans should yearly pay to the King of the Heliotans in way of tribute, ten thousand vessels of dew, and deliver ten thousand of their people to be pledges for their fidelity: that the Colony to be sent to the Morning star, should be jointly supplied by them both, and liberty given to any else that would; to be sharers in it, that these articles of peace should be engraven in a pillar of amber, to be erected in the midst of the air upon the confines of their country: 
These names of the inhabitants of the Sun, are taken from things belonging to the day, those of the Moon from things appertaining to the night.  for the performance whereof were sworn of the Heliotans, Pyronides, and Therites, and Phlogias: and if the Selenitans, Nyctor, and Menias, and Polylampes: thus was the please concluded, the wall immediately demolished and we that were prisoners delivered: being returned into the Moon, they came forth to meet us, Endymion himself and all his friends: who embraced us with tears, and desired us to make our abode with him, and to be partners in the colony: promising to give me his own son in marriage (for there are no women amongst them) which I by no means would yield unto, but desired of all loves, to be dismissed again into the sea: and be finding it impossible to persuade us to his purpose, after seven days feasting, 
The strange novelties he observed in those parts.  gave us leave to departed. Now, what strange novelties worthy of note I observed during the time of my abode there, I will relate unto you. The first is, that they are not begotten of women but of mankind: for they have no other marriage but of males: the name of women is utterly unknown among them: until they accomplish the age of five and twenty years, they are given in marriage to others: from that time forwards they take others in marriage to themselves: for as soon as the infant is conceived the leg gins to swell, and afterwards when the time of birth is come, they give it a lance and take it out dead: 
Why that part which we term the calf, is called by the Grecians the belly of the leg.  then they lay it abroad with open mouth towards the wind, and so it takes life: and I think thereof the Grecians call it the belly of the leg, because there in they bear their children instead of a belly. I will tell you now of a thing more strange than this: there are a kind of men among them called Dendritans, which are begotten in this manner: they cut out the right stone out of a man's cod, and set it in their ground, from which springeth up a great tree of flesh, with branches and leaves, bearing a kind of fruit much like to an acorn, but of a cubite in length, which they gather when they are ripe, and cut men out of them: their privy members are to be set on, and taken off, as they have occasion: rich men have them made of Ivory, poor men of wood, wherewith they perform the act of generation, and accompany their spouses: when a man is come to his full age he dieth not, but is dissolved like smoke and is turned into air. One kind of food is common to them all: 
Their food.  for they kindle a fire and broil frogs upon the coals, which are with them in infinite numbers flying in the air, and whilst they are broiling, they sit round about them, as it were about a table, and lap up the smoke that riseth from them, and feast themselves therewith, and this is all their feeding: for their drink, they have air beaten in a mortar, 
Their drink.  which yields a kind of moisture much like unto dew: they have no avoidance of excrements, either of urine or dung, neither have they any issue for that purpose, like unto us: their boys admit copulation, not like unto ours, but in their hams, a little above the calf of the leg, for there they are open: they hold it a great ornament to be bald, for hairy persons are abhorred with them, 
Because that Comets seem to be hairy, and have their name from thence.  and yet among the Stars that are Comets, it is thought commendable, as some that have traveled those coasts reported unto us: such beards as they have, are growing a little above their knees: they have no nails on their feet, for their whole foot is all but one toe: every one of them at the point of his rump, hath a long colewort growing out in stead of a tale, always green and flourishing, which though a man fall upon his back, cannot be broken: the dropping of their noses is more sweet than honey: when they labour or exercise themselves, they anoint their body with milk, whereinto if a little of that honey chance to drop, it will be turned into cheese: they make very fat oil of their beans, and of as delicate a savour as any sweet ointment: they have many vines in those parts, which yield them but water: for the grapes that hang upon the clusters are like our halestones: and I verily think, that when the vines there are shaken with a strong wind, there falls a storm of hail amongst us, by the breaking down of those kind of berries: their bellies stand them instead of satchels, to put in their necessaries, which they may open and shut at their pleasure, for they have neither liver, nor any kind of entralls, only they are rough and hairy within, so that when their young children are cold, they may be enclosed therein to keep them warm: the rich men have garments of glass, very soft and delicate, the poorer sort of brass woven, whereof they have great plenty, which they inseame with water, to make it fit for the workman, as we do our wool. If I should write what manner of eyes they have, I doubt I should be taken for a liar, 

The cause of hail.  
The like is feigned by the Poets of the Gorgon's, three sisters that had but one eye amongst them which they used by turns when they went abroad.   in publishing a matter so incredible: yet I cannot choose but tell it: for they have eyes to take in and out as please themselves: and when a man is so disposed, he may take them out and lay them by till he have occasion to use them, and then put them in and see again: many when they have lost their own eyes, borrow of others: for the rich have many lying by them: their ears are all made of the leaves of planetrees, excepting those that come of acorns, for they only have them made of wood. I saw also another strange thing in the same court: a mighty great glass, lying upon the top of a pit, of no great depth, whereinto, if any man descend, he shall hear every thing that is spoken upon the earth: if he but look into the glass, he shall see all cities, and all nations as well as if he were among them: there had I the sight of all my friends, and the whole country about: whether they saw me or not I cannot tell: but if they believe it not to be so, let them take the pains to go thither themselves and they shall find my words true: then we took our leaves of the king, and such as were near him, and took shipping, and departed: at which time Endymion bestowed upon me two mantles made of their glass, & five of brass, with a complete armour of those shells of lupins, all which I left behind me in the whale: and sent with us a thousand of his Hippogypians to conduct us five hundred furlongs on our way: In our course we coasted many other countries, and lastly arrived at the morning star now newly inhabited, where we landed, and took in fresh water: from thence we entered the Zodiac, passing by the Sun, and leaving it on our right hand took our course near unto the shore, but landed not in the country, though our company did much desire it, for the wind would not give us leave: but we saw it was a flourishing region, fat, and well watered, abounding with all delights: but the Nephelocentaures espying us, who were mercenary soldiers to Phaethon, 
The city of lights.  made to our ship as fast as they could, and finding us to be friends, said no more unto us, for our Hippogypians were departed before: then we made forwards, all the next night and day, and about evening-tide following we came to a city called Lychnopolis, still holding on our course downwards: this city is seated in the air between the Pleyades and the Hyadeses, somewhat lower than the Zodiac, and arriving there, not a man was to be seen, but lights in great numbers running to and fro, which were employed, some in the market place, and some about the haven, of which many were little, and as a man may say, but poor things, some again were great and mighty exceeding glorious and resplendent, and there were places of receipt for them all, every one had his name as well as men, and we did hear them speak: these did us no harm, but invited us to feast with them, yet we wear so fearful, that we durst neither eat nor sleep as long as we were there: their court of justice standeth in the midst of the city, 
A very proper death.  where the governor sitteth all the night long calling every one by name, and he that answereth not is adjudged to die, as if he had forsaken his ranks: their death is to be quenched: we also standing amongst them saw what was done, and heard what answers the lights made for themselves, and the reasons they alleged for tarrying so long: there we also knew our own light, and spoke unto it, and questioned it of our affairs at home, and how all did there, which related every thing unto us: 
As some have affirmed every country to be governed specially by some particular Star, so he feigns a light in this city for every nation which could tell all that was done amongst them.  that night we made our abode there, and on the next morrow returned to our ship: and sailing near unto the clouds had a sight of the city Nephelococcygia, which we beheld with great wonder, but entered not into it, for the wind was against us: the King thereof was Coronus the son of Cottyphion: and I could not choose but think upon the Poet 
k In his Comedy called the Clouds, which he wrote against Socrates.  Aristophanes, how wise a man he was, and how true a reporter, and how little cause there is to question his fidelity for what he hath written. The third after, the Ocean appeared plainly unto us, though we could see no land, but what was in the air: and those countries also seemed to be fiery and of a glittering colour: the fourth day about noon, the wind gently forbearing, settled us fair and leisurely into the sea: and as soon as we found ourselves upon water, we were surprised with incredible gladness, and our joy was unexpressible: we feasted and made merry with such provision as we had, we cast ourselves into the sea, and swam up and down for our disport, for it was a calm. But oftentimes it falleth out, that the change to the better, is the beginning of greater evils: for when we had made only two days sail in the water, as soon as the third day appeared, about Sunrising, upon a sudden we saw many monstrous fishes and whales: but one above the rest containing in greatness fifteen hundred furlongs, which came gaping upon us and troubled the sea round about him, so that he was compassed on every side with froth and foam, showing his teeth a fare off, 
A fish of an indifferent size.  which were longer than any beech trees are with us, all as sharp as needles, and as white as Ivory; then we took, as we thought, our last leaves one of another, and embracing together, expected our ending day: the monster was presently with us, and swallowed us up ship and all: but by chance, he caught us not between his chaps, for the ship fliot thorough the void passages down into his entralls: when we were thus got within him we continued a good while in darkness and could see nothing, till he began to gape, and then we perceived it to be a monstrous whale of a huge breadth and height, big enough to contain a city that would hold ten thousand men: and within we found small fishes, and many other creatures chopped in pieces, and the masts of ships, and anchors, and bones of men, and luggage: in the midst of him was earth and hills, which were raised, as I conjectured, by the settling of the mud which came down his throat: for woods grew upon them and trees of all sorts, and all manner of herbs, and it looked as if it had been husbanded: 
A country within the whale.  the compass of the land was two hundred and forty furlongs: there were also to be seen all kind of seafowle, as gulls, haltions, and others that had made their nests upon the trees: then we fell to weeping abundantly: but at the last I roused up my company, and propped up our ship: and stroke fire: then we made ready supper of such as we had, for abundance of all sort of fish lay ready by us, and we had yet water enough left which we brought out of the Morning Star: the next morrow we rose to watch when the whale should gape: and then looking out, we could sometimes see mountains, sometimes only the skies, and many times Islands: for we found that the fish carried himself with great swiftness to every part of the sea: when we grew weary of this, I took seven of my company, and went into the wood to see what I could find there, and we had not gone above five furlongs, but we light upon a temple erected to Neptune, as by the title appeared: and not fare off we espied many sepulchres and pillars placed upon them, with a fountain of clear water close unto it; we also heard the barking of a dog, and saw smoke rise a fare off, so that we judged there was some dwelling thereabout: wherefore making the more haste, we lighted upon an old man and a youth, who were very busy in making a garden and in conveying water by a channel from the fountain into it: whereupon we were surprised both with joy and fear: and they also were brought into the same taking, and for a long time remained mute: but after some pause, the old man said: what are ye, you strangers? any of the sea spirits? or miserable men like unto us? for we that are men by nature, borne and bred in the earth, are now sea-dwellers, and swim up and down within the Continent of this whale, and know not certainly what to think of ourselves: we are like to men that be dead; and yet believe ourselves to be alive. Whereunto I answered: for our parts, father, we are men also, newly come hither, and swallowed up ship and all but yesterday: and now come purposely within this wood, which is so large and thick: some good angel, I I think did guide us hither to have the sight of you, and to make us know, that we are not the only men confined within this monster: tell us therefore your for tunes we beseech you, what you are, and how you came into this place: but he answered, 
It was a custom in ancient times to entertain all strangers with a feast before they enquired of their affairs.  you shall not hear a word from me, nor ask any more questions, until you have taken part of such viands as we are able to afford you: so he took us, and brought us into his house, which was sufficient to serve his turn, his pallets were prepared, and all things else made ready: then he set before us herbs, and nuts, and fish, and filled out of his own wine unto us: and when we were sufficiently satisfied, he then demanded of us what fortunes we had endured, and I related all things to him in order that had betide unto us, the tempest, the passages in the Island, our navigation in the air, our war, and all the rest, even till our diving into the whale: whereat he wondered exceedingly, and began to deliver also what had befallen to him, and said: by lineage, O ye strangers, I am of the Isle 
m An Island in the eastern part of the Mediterranean sea, betwixt Syria and Cilicia.  Cyprus, and travelling from mine own country as a merchant, with this my son you see here, and many other friends with me, made a voyage for Italy in a great ship full fraught with merchandise, which perhaps you have seen broken in pieces in the mouth of the whale: we sailed with fair weather, till we were as fare as Sicily: but there we were overtaken with such a boisterous storm, that the third day we were driven into the Ocean, where it was our fortune to meet with this whale which swallowed us all up, and only we two escaped with our lives, all the rest perished, whom we have here buried and built a Temple to Neptune: ever since we have continued this course of life, planting herbs & feeding upon fish and nuts: here is wood enough you see, and plenty of vines which yield most delicate wine: we have also a well of excellent cool water, which it may be you have seen: we make our beds of the leaves of trees, and burn as much wood as we will: we chase after the birds that fly about us, and go out upon the gills of the monster to catch after live fishes: here we bathe ourselves when we are disposed, for we have a lake of salt water not fare off, about some twenty furlongs in compass, full of sundry sorts of fish, in which we swim and sail upon it in a little boat of mine own making. This is the seven and twentieth year of our drowning, and with all this we might be well enough contented, if our neighbours, and borderers about us were not perverse and troublesome, altogether insociable and of stern condition. Is it so indeed, said I, that there should be any within the whale but yourselves? many said he, and such as are unreconcilable towards strangers, and of monstrous and deformed proportions: the western countries, and the taile-part of the wood, are inhabited by the Tarychanians, that look like ●…les, with faces like a lobster: these are warlike, fieres, and feed upon raw flesh: they that dwell towards the right side, are called Tritonomenditans, which have their upper parts like unto men, their lower parts like oattes, and are less offensive than the rest: On the left side inhabit the Cancinachirians and the Thinocephalians, which are in league one with another: the middle region is possessed by the Pagurodians, and the Psittopodians, a warlike nation and swift of foot: eastwards towards the mouth is for the most part desert, as over washed with the sea: yet am I fain to take that for my dwelling, paying yearly to the Psittopodians, in way of tribute, five hundred oysters: of so many nations doth this country consist: we must therefore devise among ourselves, either how to be able to fight with them, or how to live among them. What number may they all amount unto, said I? more than a thousaid he: and what armour have they? none at all, said he, but the bones of fishes: then were it our best course, said I, to encounter them, being provided as we are, and they without weapons: for if we prove too hard for them we shall afterward live out of fear: this we concluded upon, and went to our ship to furnish ourselves with arms: the occasion of war we gave by Nonpayment of tribute, which then was due: for they sent their messengers to demand it, to whom he gave a harsh and scornful answer, and sent them packing with their arrant: but the Psittopodians and Paguradians, taking it ill at the hands of Scintharus, for so was the man named, came against us with great tumult: & we suspecting what they would do, stood upon our guard to wait for them, and laid five and twenty of our men in ambush, commanding them as soon as the enemy was passed buy, to set upon them: who did so, and arose out of their ambush, and fell upon the rear: 
Who supplied the room of the two that were lost.  we also being five and twenty in number (for Scyntharus and his son were marshaled among us) advanced to meet with them, and encountered them with great courage and strength: but in the end we put them to flight and pursued them to their very dens: of the enemies were slain an hundred threescore and ten: and but one of us beside Trigles our pilot, who was thrust thorough the back with a fishes rib: all that day following, and the night after, we lodged in our trenches, and set on end a dry back bone of a Dolphin, instead of a Trophy: The next morrow the rest of the country people perceiving what had happened, came to assault us: the Tarichanians, were ranged in the right wing, with Pelamus their Captain: the Thynocephalians were placed in the left wing, the Carcinochiririans made up the main battle: for the Tritonomenditans stirred not, neither would they join with either part: about the temple of Neptune we met with them, and joined fight with a great cry, which was answered with an echo out of the whale as if it had been out of a cave: but we soon put them to flight being naked people, and chased them into the wood, making ourselves masters of the country: soon after they sent Ambassadors to us, to crave the bodies of the dead, & to treat upon conditions of peace: but we had no purpose to hold friendship with them, but set upon them the next day, & put them all to the sword, except the Tritonomendetans, who seeing how it fared with the rest of their fellows, fled away thorough the gills of the fish, and cast themselves into the sea: then we traveled all the country over, which now was desert, & dwelled there afterwards without fear of enemies, spending the time in exercise of the body, & in hunting, in planting vineyards, and gathering fruit of the trees, like such men as live delicately, and have the world at will, in a spacious and unavoidable prison: this kind of life led we for a year and eight months: but when the fifth day of the ninth month was come, about the time of the second opening of his mouth (for so the whale did once every hour, 
A gaping clock.  whereby we conjectured how the hours went away) I say about the second opening, upon a sudden, we heard a great cry, and a mighty noise, like the calls of mariners, and the stirring of oars, which troubled us not a little: wherefore we crept up to the very mouth of the fish, and standing within his teeth, saw the strangest sight that ever eye beheld: men of monstrous greatness, half a furlong in stature, sailing upon mighty great Islands, as if they were upon shipboard: I know you will think this smells like a lie, but yet you shall have it: the Islands were of a good length indeed, but not very high, containing about an hundred furlongs in compass, every of these carried of those kind of men, eight and twenty, of which some sat on either side of the Island, and rowed in their course with great Cypress trees, branches, leaves & all, instead of oars: on the stern or hinder part, as I take it, stood the governor, upon a high hill, with a brazen rudder of a furlong in length in his hand: on the forepart stood forty such fellows as those, armed for the fight, resembling men in all points, but in their hair, which was all fire and burnt clearly, so that they needed no helmets: instead of sails, the wood growing in the Island did serve their turns, for the wind blowing against it, drove forward the Island like a ship, 
A strange sea-fight.  and carried it which way the governor would have it, for they had Pilots to direct them, and were as nimble to be stirred with oars as any long boat: at the first we had the sight but of two or three of them: afterwards appeared no less than six hundred, which dividing themselves in two parts, prepared for encounter, in which many of them by meeting with their barks together were broken in pieces, many were turned over and drowned: they that closed, fought lustiliy, and would not easily be parted, for the soldiers in the front shown a great deal of valour, entering one upon another, and killed all they could, for none were taken prisoners: instead of iron grapples, they had mighty great 
n A fish with many feet.  Polypodes fast tied, which they cast at the other, and if they once laid hold on the wood, they made the Isle sure enough for stirring: they darted and wounded one another with oysters that would fill a wain, and sponges as big as an acre: the leader on the one side was Aeolocentaurus, and of the other Thalassopotes: the quarrel, as it seems, grew about taking a booty: for they said that Thalassopotes, drove away many flocks of dolphines that belonged to Aeolocentaurus, as we heard by their clamours one to another, and calling upon the names of their kings: but Aeolocentaurus had the better of the day and sunk one hundred and fifty of the enemy's Islands, and three they took with the men and all: the rest withdrew themselves and fled, whom the other pursued, but not fare, because it grew towards evening, but returned to those that were wracked & broken, which they also recovered for the most part, and took their own away with them: for on their part there were no less than fourscore Lands drowned: then they erected a Trophy for a monument of this Island fight, and fastened one of the enemy's Islands with a stake upon the head of the whale: that night they lodged close by the beast, casting their cables about him, and ankered near unto him: their anchors are huge & great made all of glass, but of a wonderful strength: the morrow after when they had sacrificed upon the top of the whale, and there buried their dead, they sailed away, with great triumph and songs of victory, and this was the manner of the Islands fight.   

The second Book.  
Upon this we began to be weary of our abode in the whale, and our tarriance there did much trouble us, we therefore set all our wits a-work to find out some means or other to clear us from our captivity: first, we thought it would do well to dig a hole thorough his right side, and make our escape that way forth, which we began to labour at lustily: but after we had pierced him five furlongs deep, and found it was to no purpose, we gave it over. Then we devised to set the wood on fire, for that would certainly kill him without all question, and being once dead, our issue would be easy enough: this we also put in practice, and and began our project at the tail end, which burned seven days, and as many nights, before he had any feeling of our fire works: 
They set the whale on fire.  upon the eighth and ninth days we perceived he began to grow sickly: for he gaped more dully than he was wont to do, and sooner closed his mouth again: the tenth and eleventh he was throughly mortified, and began to stink: upon the twelfth day we bethought ourselves, though almost too late, that unless we underpropt his chaps, when he gaped next, to keep them from closing, we should be in danger of perpetual imprisonment within his dead carcase, and there miserably perish, we therefore pitched long beams of timber upright within his mouth to keep it from shutting, and then made our ship in a readiness, and provided ourselves with store of fresh water, and all other things necessary for our use, Scintharus taking upon him to be our pilot, and the next morrow the whale died: then we haled our ship thorough the void passages, and fastening cables about his teeth, by little and little settled it into the Sea, and mounting the back of the whale, sacrificed to Neptune, and for three days together, took up our lodging hard by the Trophy, for we were be calmed: the fourth day we put to sea, and met with many dead corpses that perished the late sea-fight, which our ship hit against, whose bodies we took measure of with great admiration, and sailed for a few days in very temperate weather. But after that the North wind blew so bitterly, that a great frost ensued, wherewith the whole sea was all frozen up, not only superficially upon the upper part, but in depth also the depth of four hundred fathoms, so that we were fain to forsake our ship and run upon the Ice: the wind sitting long in this corner, and we not able to endure it, put this devise in practice, which was the invention of Scintharus: with mattocks and other instruments, we made a mighty cave in the water, wherein we sheltered ourselves forty days together: in it we kindled fire, and fed upon fish of which we found great plenty in our digging: at the last, our provision falling short, we returned to our frozen ship which we set upright, and spreading her sails, went forward as well as if we had been upon water, leisurely and gently sliding upon the Ice: but on the fift day the water grew warm, and the frost broke, and all was turned to water again. We had not sailed three hundred furlongs forwards, but we came to a little Island that was desert, where we only took in fresh water (which now began to sail us) and with our shot killed two wild bulls, and so departed: these bulls have their horns growing not upon their heads, but under their eyes: 
a Momus found fault with Jupiter for not setting the bulls horns in this manner Arist. de part. ani. l. 3. he was the god of feasting, and of carping amongst the Heathen, Hesiod. in his Theog. says that he was the son of the night, but begotten without a father.  as Momus thought it better. Then we entered into a sea, not of water, but of milk, in which appeared a white Island full of vines: this Island was only a great cheese, well pressed (as we afterwards found when we fed upon it) about some five and twenty furlongs in bigness: the vines were full of clusters of grapes, out of which we could crush no wine but only milk: in the midst of the Island, there was a temple built, dedicated to 
b A sea Nymph daughter of Nereus & Doris, so called because of her whiteness, as pure as milk.  Galatea, one of the daughters of Nereus, as by the inscription appeared: as long as we remained there, the soil yielded us food and victuals, and our drink was the milk that came out of the grapes: in these, as they said, reigneth 
c Of her Neptune begot Pelias, and Neleus the father of Nestor.  Tyro, the daughter of Salmoneus, who after her departure, received this guerdon at the hands of Neptune: in this Island we rested ourselves five days, and on the sixth put to sea again, a gentle guale attending us, and the seas all still and quiet. The eight day as we sailed onward, not in milk any longer, but in salt and azure water, 
d He was King of Elis a territory of Peloponnesus, and for imitating the thunder, by running his chariot over a bridge of brass, was slain with a thunderbolt by Jupiter.  we saw many men running upon the sea, like unto us every way forth, both in shape and stature, but only for their feet which were of cork, whereupon I suppose they had the name of Phellopodes: we marvelled much when we saw they did not sink, but keep above water, and travel upon it so boldly: these came unto us, and saluted us in the Grecian language, and said they were bound towards Phello, their own country, and for a while ran along by us, but at last turned their own way and left us, wishing us a happy and prosperous voyage. Within a while after many Islands appeared, and near unto them, upon our left hand stood Phello, the place whereunto they were travelling, which was a city seated upon a mighty great and round cork. Further off, and more towards the right hand, we saw five other Islands, large and mountainous, in which much fire was burning: but directly before us, was a spacious flat Island, distant from us not above five hundred furlongs: and approaching somewhat near unto it, a wonderful fragrant air breathed upon us, of a most sweet and delicate smell, such as Herodotus the storie-writer saith ariseth out of Arabia the happy, consisting of a mixture of roses, daffodils, gilli-flowres, lilies, violets, myrtles, bays, and blossoms of vines: such a dainty odoriferous savour was conveyed unto us: being delighted with this smell, and hoping for better fortunes after our long labours, we got within a little of the Isle, in which we found many havens on every side, not subject to over floating, and yet of great capacity, and rivers of clear water emptying themselves easily into the sea, with meadows and herbs, and musical birds, some singing upon the shore, and many upon the branches of trees, a still and gentle air compassing the whole country: when pleasant blasts gently stirred the woods, the motion of the branches made a continual delight some melody, like the sound of wind instruments in a solitary place: a kind of clamour also was heard mixed with it, yet not tumultuous nor offensive, but like the noise of a banquet, when some do play on wind instruments, some commend the music, and some with their hands applaud the pipe, or the harp, all which yielded us so great content; that we boldly entered the haven, made fast our ship and landed, leaving in her only Scintharus, and two more of our companions behind us, passing along thorough a sweet meadow, we met with the guards that used to sail about the Island, who took us, and bound us with garlands of roses (which are the strictest bands they have) to be carried to their governor: from them we heard as we were upon the way, that it was the 
e See the Tyrant. y.  Island of those that are called blessed, and that Rhadamanthus was governor there, 
A controversy concerning Ajax, who being overcome by the eloquence of Ulysses about Achilles' armour, fell mad and slew himself.  to whom we were brought and placed the fourth in order of them that were to be judged: the first trial was about Ajax the son Telamonius, whether he were a meet man to be admitted into the society of the Heroes, or not: the objections against him were his madness: and the kill of himself: and after long pleading to and fro, Rhadamanthus gave this sentence, that for the present he should be put to Hypocrates the Physician of Cou●, to be purged with Elleborus, and upon the recovery of his wits to have admittance: the second was a controversy of love, Theseus and Menelaus contending, which had the better right to Helen: but Rhadamanthus gave judgement on Menelaus side, in respect of the manifold labours and perils he had incurred for that marriage sake, whereas Theseus had wives enovogh beside to live withal as the 
f Hippolyta.  Amazon, 
g Ariadne, and Phaedra.  and the daughters of Manos: the third was a question of precedency, between 
h Alexander the great.  Alexander the son of Philip, and 
i The son of Amilchar, and General of the Carthaginians against the Romans, see Plutarch in his life.  Hannibal the Carthaginian, in which Alexander was preferred, and his throne placed next to the elder 
k The son of Cambyses who translated the kingdom from the Medes to the Persians see the surveiors. The younger Syrus was the son of Darius Nothus, and brother to Artaxerxes, of whom Xenophon.  Cyrus the Persian: In the fourth place we appeared, and he demanded of us, what reason we had, being living men, to take land in that sacred country, and we told him all our adventures in order as they befell us: then he commanded us to stand aside, and considering upon it a great while, in the end proposed it to the benchers, which were many, and among them 
l Plutarch. He describes the city of the blessed, and the Elysian fields, & and to their perpetual shame, out-lies Homer and all the Poets.  Aristides the Athenian, surnamed the just: and when he was provided what sentence to deliver, he said, that for our busy curiosity, and needless travels, we should be accountable after our death: but for the present, we should have a time limited for our abode, during which we should feast the Heroes, and then depart, prefixing us seven months' liberty to conclude our tarriance, and no more: then our garlands fell off from us of themselves, and we were set lose, and led into the city to feast with the blessed: the city was all of gold, compassed with a wall made of the precious stone Smaragdus, which had seven gates, every one cut out of a whole piece of timber of cinnamon tree: the pavement of the city, & all the ground within the walls was Ivory: the temples of all the gods are built of Berryll, with large altars made all of one whole Amethyst, upon which they offer their sacrifices: about the city runneth a river of most excellent sweet ointment, in breadth an hundred cubits of the larger measure, and so deep that a man may swim in it with ease: for their baths, they have great houses of glass, which they warm with cinnamon: and their bathing tubs are filled with warm dew instead of water: their only garments are cobwebs of purple colour, neither have they any bodies, but are intactile and without flesh, a mere shape and presentation only: and being thus bodiless, they yet stand, and are moved, are intelligent, and can speak: and their naked soul seemeth to wander up and down, in a corporal likeness: for if a man touch them not, he cannot say otherwise, but that they have bodies, altogether like shadows standing upright, and not, as they are of a dark colour: no man waxeth any older there than he was before, but of what age he comes thither, so he continues: neither is there any night with them, nor indeed clear day: but like the twilight towards morning before the Sun be up, such a kind of light do they live in: they know but one season of the year which is the spring, and feel no other wind but Zephyrus: 
Homer.  the region flourisheth with all sorts of flowers, and with all pleasing plants fit for shade: their vines bear fruit twelve times a year, every month once, their pomegranate trees, their apple trees, and their other fruit, they say, bear thirteen times in the year: for in the month called Minous they bear twice. Instead of wheat, their ears bear them loaves of bread ready baked, like unto mushrummes: about the city are three hundred threescore and five wells of water, and as many of honey, and five hundred of sweet ointment, for they are less than the other: they have seven rivers of milk and eight of wine: they keep their feast without the city, in a field called Elysium, which is a most pleasant meadow environed with woods of all sorts, so thick that they serve for a shade to all that are invited, who fit upon beds of flowers, and are waited upon, and have every thing brought unto them by the winds, unless it be to have the wine filled: and that there is no need of: for about the banqueting place are mighty great trees growing of clear and pure glass: and the fruit of those trees are drinking cups and other kind of vessels of what fashion or greatness you will: and every man that comes to the feast gathers one or two of those cups, and sets them before him, which will be full of wine presently, and then they drink: instead of garlands, the nightingales, and other musical birds, gather flowers with their becks out of the meadows adjoining, and flying over their heads with chirping notes scatter them among them: they are anointed with sweet ointment in this manner: sundry clouds draw that unguent out of the fountains and the rivers, which settling over the heads of them that are at the banquet, the least blast of wind makes a small rain fall upon them like unto a dew: After supper they spend the time in music and singing: their ditties that are in most request, they take out of 
m For he was in most esteem among the ancients.  Homer's verses, who is there present himself and feasteth among them sitting 
n Ulysses had good reas●n to give place to Homer, who lied so lustily for his credit.  next above Ulysses: their quires consist of boys and virgins, which were directed and assisted by 
o Two excellent musicians.  Eunomus the Locrian, and 
o Two excellent musicians.  Arion the Lesbian, and 
p Two famous Lyric Poets.  Anacreon, and 
p Stesichorus having much inveighed against Helena in his verses as the cause of all the Trojan war, was strooke blind by Castor and Pollux, but upon his recantation recovevered his sight. Excellent liquor for a feast.  Stesichorus, who hath had a place there: ever since his reconcilement with Helena. As soon as these have done, there enter a second quire of swans swallows and nightingales: and when they have ended, the whole woods ring like wind instruments by the stirring of the air: but that which maketh most for their mirth, are two wells adjoining to the banqueting place, the one of laughter the other of pleasure: of these every man drinks to begin the feast withal, which makes them spend the whole time in mirth and laughter. I will also relate unto you, what famous men I saw in that association. There were all the demigods, and all that fought against Troy, excepting 
q This Ajax; when Troy was taken, ravished Cassandra the daughter of Priamus, being a virgin, and priest to Minerva in the Temple of Pallas, for which the goddess sent a tempest which dispersed the navy of the Grecians as they returned, and sunk Ajax with a thunderbolt.  Ajax the Locrian, he only, they told me, was tormented in the region of the unrighteous: of Barbarians, there was the elder and the younger Cyrus, and 
r The only wise man among the Scythians, who endeavouring to bring in the Athenian laws amongst his barbarous countrymen, was slain by the King his brother. Laert.  Anacharsis the Scythian: 
s Scholar and servant to Pythagoras.  Zamolxis the Thracian, and 
t The second Roman King.  Numa the Italian: there was also 
u 
Law giver to the Lacedæmonians.  
Plutarch.   Lycurgus the Lacedaemonian, and 
* Two wise men of Athens that professed poverty. Plutarch.  Photion and 
* Two wise men of Athens that professed poverty. Plutarch.  Tellus the Athenians, and and all the wise men, unless it were 
x Who was K. of Corinth and a Tyrant.  Periander: I also saw Socrates the son of Sophroniscus prattling with Nestor, and Palamedes, and close by him stood 
z Socrates' professed himself learned in nothing but only love, and that of young youths, which he held to the best and noblest affection: seeing that this was the best means to bring up the younger sort in the knowledge of goodness and vertuo, but his enemies made the worst construction of it, and therefore Lucian brings him in here with these young and beautiful lads.  Hyacinthus, the Lacedaemonian, and the gallant Narcissus, and Hyllas', and other beautiful & lovely youths, and for aught I could gather by him, he was fare in love with Hyacinthus, for he discoursed with him more than all the rest: for which cause, they said, Rhadamanthus was offended at him, and often threatened to thrust him out of the Island, if he continued to play the fool in that fashion, and not give over his idle manner of jesting, when he was at their banquet: only 
a Such a one as he would have in his common wealth.  Plato was not present, for they said he dwelled in a city framed by himself observing the same rule of government and laws, as he had prescribed for them to live under: Aristippus and Epicurus are prime men amongst them, because they are the most jovial good fellows, and the best companions: Diogenes, the Sinopean, was so fare altered from the man he was before that he married with Lais the harlot, and was many times so drunk, that he would rise and dance about the room, as a man out of his senses: 
b The fable-maker. No Stoics in Elysium.  Aesop the Phrygian served them for a jester: there was not one Stoic in company but were still busied in ascending the height of virtue's hill: 
Nectom. r.  and of 
c A Philosopher scholar to Zeno the greatest Logician of his time, and chief of the Stotcks sect.  Chrysippus, we heard that it was not lawful for him by any means to touch upon the Island until he have the fourth time purged himself with Elleborus: the 
d He means not the Platonics who are called the old Academics, but the new Academic, who would affirm nothing, and held it impossible that anything should be truly known, and therefore he says they abolished all kind of judgement. What was the difference between these and the Pyrrhonians or Sceptics. See Gellius 1.11. c. 5.  Academics, they say were willing enough to come, but that they yet are doubtful, and in suspense, & cannot comprehend how there should be any such Island: but indeed, I think they were fearful to come to be judged by Rhadamanthus, because themselves have abolished all kind of judgement: yet many of them, they say, had a desire, and would follow after those that were coming hither, but were so slothful as to give it over, because they were not comprehensive, and therefore turned back in the midst of their way: these were all the men of note that I saw there: and amongst them all, Achilles was held to be the best man, and next to him Theseus: for their manner of venery and copulation thus it is: they couple openly in the eyes of all men, both with females and male kind, and no man holds it for any dishonesty: only Socrates would swear deeply that he accompanied young men in a cleanly fashion, and therefore every man condemned him for a perjured fellow: and Hyacinthus snd Narcissus both confessed otherwise for all his denial: the women there are all in common, and no man takes exception at it, in which respect they are absolutely 
e Plato in his commonwealth would have all women common.  the best Platonists in the world: and so do the boys yield themselves to any man's pleasure without contradiction: after I had spent two or three days in this manner, I went to talk with Homer the poet, our leisure serving us both well, and to know of him what country man he was, a question with us hard to be resolved, and he said he could not certainly tell himself, 
f Seven Cities of Greece strove for the birth of Homer, which are comprised in this verse, Smyrna, Rhodos, Colophon, Salamen, Chios, Argos, Athenae.  because some said he was of Chios, some of Smyrna, and many to be of Colophon: but he said indeed, he was a Babylonian, and among his own countrymen not called Homer but Tigranes: and afterwards living as an 
g 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 signifies a pledge or hostage.  hostage among the Grecians, he had therefore that name put upon him: then I questioned him about those verses in his books, that are dasallowed, as not of his making, whether they were written by him or not, and he told me they were all his own, much condemning 
h Two carping grammarians that undertook to correct some of Homer's verses.  Zenodatus, and 
h Two carping grammarians that undertook to correct some of Homer's verses.  Aristarchus the Grammarians for their weakness in judgement: when he had satisfied me in this, I asked him again 
i This touches some Commentators upon Homer, who have gone about to give a reason almost of every word he wrote.  why he began the first verse of his poem with anger: and he told me it fell out so by chance, not upon any premeditation: I also desired to know of him, whether he wrote his Odysseys before his Iliads, as many men do hold: but he said it was not so: as for his blindness which is charged upon him, I soon found it was fare otherwise, and perceived it so plainly, that I needed not to question him about it: thus was I used to do many days, when I found him idle, and would go to him, and ask him many questions, which he would give me answer to very freely: especially when we talked o a trial he had in the court of justice, wherein he got the better: for 
k See Necromant. b.  Thersites had preferred a bill of complaint against him, for abusing him, and scoffing at him in his Poem, in which action Homer was acquitted, having 
l Who was an eloquent Orator.  Ulysses for his advocate: about the same time came to us 
m See the Cock, a. & h.  Pythagoras, the Samian, who had changed his shape now seven times, and lived in as many lives, and accomplished the periodes of his soul: the right half of his body was wholly of gold: and they all agreed that he should have place amongst them, but were doubtful what to call him, Pythagoras or Euphorbus. 
n Icaromenip. a. & b.  Empedocles also came to the place, scorched quite over, as if his body had been broiled upon the embers: but could not be admitted, for all his great entreaty: the time passing thus along, the day of prizes for masteries of activity now approached, which they call 
o Games and masteries among the dead.  Thanatusia: the setters of them forth were 
p He alludes to the manner of the Roman magistrates, who when they exhibited plays unto the people, the names of the setters forth were Registered and the time how often they had done it.  Achilles, the fifth time, and Theseus the seventh time: to relate the whole circumstance would require a long discourse: but the principal points I will deliver: at wrestling, Carus, one of the lineage of Hercules had the best; and won the garland from Ulysses: the fight with fists was equal between Arius the Egyptian who was buried at Corinth, and Epius, that combated for it: there was no prize appointed for the 
q Fight at all manner of weapons.  Pancratian fight 〈…〉 o do I remember who got the best in running: 〈…〉 etrie though Homer without question were to good for them all, yet the best was given to 
r Homer and Hesiod lived about the same time, and it hath been controverted by many which was the better poet.  Hesiodus: the prizes were all alike, garlands plotted of peacocks feathers. As soon as the games were ended, news came to us, that the damned crew in the habitation of the wicked, had broken their bounds, escaped the jailors, and were coming to assail the Island, led 
s Who were all bloody Tyrants, or notorious robbers.  by Phalaris the Acragentine, Busyris the Egyptian, Diomedes the Thracian, Sciron, Pitnocamptes, and others: which Rhadamanthus hearing, he ranged the Heroes in battle array upon the sea shore, under the leading of Theseus, and Achilles, and Ajax Telamonius, who had now recovered his senses, where they joined fight: but the Heroes had the day, Achilles carrying himself very nobly. Socrates also, who was placed in the right wing, was noted for a brave soldier, 
t Plato in his Laches or Dialogue of fortitude, praiseth Socrates, for his manhood at Delium, in which battle the Athenians were overthrown by the Boeotians, and ran all away.  much better than he was in his life-time, in the battle at Delium: for when the enemy charged him, he neither fled, nor changed countenance: wherefore afterwards, in reward of his valour, he had a prize set out for him on purpose: which was a beautiful and spacious garden, planted in the suburbs of the city, whereunto he invited many, and disputed with them there, giving it the name of 
u Academia was a woody place about a mile from Athens, where Socrates did sometimes meet his scholars and dispute with them: here Plato was borne, and from hence Lucian takes this name which signifies the Academy of the dead.  Necracademia: then we took the vanquished prisoners, and bound them, and sent them back to be punished with greater torments: this fight was also penned by Homer, who, at my departure, gave me the book to show my friends, which I afterwards lost, and many things else beside: but the first verse of the poem I remember was this: 
x Somewhat like the beginning of his Odyss.  Tell me now, Muse, how the dead Heroes fought: when they overcome in fight, they they have a custom to make a feast with sodden beans, wherewith they banquet together for joy of their victory: only 
y See the Cock.  Pythagoras had no part with them, but sat aloof off, and lost his dinner because he could not away with beans. Six months were now passed over, and the seaventh half way onwards, when a new business was beg 〈…〉 ongst us: for Cynirus the son of Scintharus, a proper tall ●oung man, had long been in love with Helena, and it might plainly be perceived, that she as fond doted upon him, for they would still be winking and drinking one to another whilst they were a feasting, and rise alone together, and wander up and down in the wood: this humour increasing, and knowing not what course to take, Cinyrus' devise was to steal away Helena, 
A second rape of Helena.  whom he found as pliable to run away with him to some of the Islands adjoining, either to Phello, or Tyroessa, having before combined with three of the boldest fellows in my company, to join with them in their conspiracy: but never acquainted his father with it, knowing that he would surely punish him for it: being resolved upon this, they watched their time to put it in practice: for when night was come, and I absent, (for I was fall'n asleep at the feast) they gave a slip to all the rest, and went away with Helena to shipbord as fast as they could: Menelaus waking about midnight, and finding his bed empty, and his wife gone, made an outcry, and calling up his brother went to the Court of Rhadamanthus: as soon as the day appeared, the scowts told them they had descried a ship, which by that time was got fare off into the sea: then Rhadamanthus set out a vessel made of one whole piece of timber of Asphodelus wood, maned with fifty of the Heroes to pursue after them, which were so willing on their way, that by noon they had overtaken them, newly entered into the milky Ocean, not fare from Tyroessa: so near were they got to make an escape: then took we their ship and haled it after us with a chain of roses and brought it back again: Rhadamanthus first examined Cinyrus and his companions whether they had any other partners in this plot, and they confessing none, were adjudged to be tied fast by the privy members, and sent into the place of the wicked, there to be tormented, after they had been scourged with rods made of mallows: Helena all blubbered with tear 〈…〉 so ashamed of herself, that she would not 〈…〉: they also decreed to send us packing out of the 〈…〉 our prefixed time being come, and that we should stay there no longer than the next morrow, wherewith I was much aggrieved and wept bitterly to leave so good a place, and turn wanderer again I knew not whither: but they comforted me much in telling me, that before many years were passed I should be with them again, and shown me a chair and a bed prepared for me against the time to come, near unto persons of the best quality: then went I to Rhadamanthus, humbly beseeching him to tell me my future fortunes, and to direct me in my course: and he told me that after many travels and dangers, I should at last recover my country, but would not tell me the certain time of my return: and showing me the Islands adjoining, which were five in number, and a sixth a little further off, he said, those nearest are the Islands of the ungodly, which you see burning all in a light fire, but the other sixth is the Island of dreams: and beyond that is the 
z Ogygia, an Island between the Phoenician and Syrian seas in which Calypso a sea-nymph the daudhter of Oceanus & Thetis, being Queen entertained Ulysses in his travels & falling in love with him detained him with her seven years.  Island of Calypso, which you cannot see from hence: when you are passed these, you shall come into the great Continent, over against your own country, where you shall suffer many afflictions, and pass through many nations, and meet with men of inhuman conditions, and at length attain to the other continent. When he had told me this, he plucked a root of mallows out of the ground, and reached it to me, commanding me in my greatest perils, to make my prayers to that: advising me further, neither 
a 
Most have interpreted this Pythagorean precept, not to stir up the anger of great & powerful persons.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,   to rake in the fire with my knife, nor to feed upon lupins, nor to come near a boy, when bee is past eighteen year of age: if I were mindful of this, the hopes would be great that I should come to the Island again: then we prepared for our passage, and feasted with them at the usual hour, and next morrow I went to Homer, entreating him to do so much as make an Epigram of two verses for me, which he did: and I erected a pillar of Braylstone n●… unto the haven, and engraved them upon it: the Epigram was this: 
Lucian, the gods beloved did once attain  
To see all this, and then go home again.  after that days tarrying, we put to sea, brought onward on our way by the Heroes: where Ulysses closely coming to me, that 
b The wife of Ulysses.  Penelope might not see him, conveied a letter into my hand to deliver to Calypso, in the Isle of Ogygia: Rhadamanthus also sent 
c The son of Neptune and Amymone the daughter of Danaus' King of the Argives.  Nauplius the ferryman along with us, that if it were our fortune to put into those Lands, no man should lay hands upon us, because we were bend upon other employments: no sooner had we passed beyond the smell of that sweet odour but we felt a horrible filthy stink, like pitch and brimstone burning, carrying an intolerable sent with it, as if men were broiling upon burning coals: the air was dark and muddy, from which distilled a pitchy kind of dew: we heard also the lash of the whips, and the roar of the tormented: yet went we not to visit all the Islands, but that wherein we landed, was of this form: it was wholly compassed about with steep, sharp, and craggy rocks, without either wood or water: yet we made a shift to scramble up among the cliffs, and so went forwards, in a way quite overgrown with briers and thorns through a most villainous ghastly country, 
The Islands of the tormented.  and coming at last to the prison and place of torment we wondered to see the nature and quality of the soil which brought forth no other flowers but swords and daggers, and round about it ran certain rivers, the first of dirt, the second of blood, and the innermost of burning fire which was very broad and unpassable, floating like water, and working like the waves of the sea, full of sundry fishes, some as big as firebrands, others of a less size like coals of fire, and these they call Lychniscies: there was but one narrow entrance into it, and Timon of Athens appointed to keep the door yet we got in by the help of Nauplius, and saw them that were tormented, both Kings, and private persons very many, of which there were some that I Knew, for there I saw Cynirus tied by private members, and hanging up in the smoke: but the greatest torments of all are inflicted upon them that told any lies in their life-time, and wrote untruly, as 
d Two historians.  Ctesias the Cnidian, Herodotus, and many other, which I beholding, was put in great hopes that I should never have any thing to do there, 
Witness this history.  for I do not know, that ever I spoke any untruth in my life: we therefore returned speedily to our ship (for we could endure the sight no longer) and taking our leaves of Nauplius, sent him back again. A little after appeared the Isle of Dreams near unto us, 
The Island and City of Dreams described.  an obscure country, and unperspicuous to the eye, endued with the same quality as dreams themselves are: for as we drew, it still gave back and fled from us, that it seemed to be farther off then at the first, but in the end we attained it and entered the haven called 
e 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Sleep.  Hypnus, and adjoined to the gate of Ivory, where the temple of 
f Or Alector.  Alectryon stands, and took land somewhat late in the evening: entering the gate we saw many dreams of sundry fashions: 
See the Cock.  but I will first tell you somewhat of the city, because no man else hath written any description of it: 
Odyss. lib. 9 v. 562.  only Homer hath touched it a little, but to small purpose: it is round about environed with a wood, the trees whereof are exceeding high 
g 
Herbs procuring sleep.  
The names both of places and persons here are compounded of such words as signify something belonging to dreams, sleep, or to the night.   Poppies, and Mandragoras, in which an infinite number of owls do nestle, and no other birds to be seen in the Island: near unto it is a river running, called by them Nyctiporus, and at the gates are two wells, the one named Negretus the other Pannychia, the wall of the city is high and of a changeable colour, like unto the rainbow: in which are four gates, though Homer speak but of two: for there are two which look toward the fields of flowth, the one made of iron, the other of potter's clay, through which those dreams have passage, that represent fearful bloody and cruel matters: the other two behold the haven and the sea, of which the one is made of horn, the other of Ivory, which we went in at. As we entered the city, on the right hand stands the temple of the Night, whom with Alectryon, they reverence above all the gods: for he hath also a Temple built for him, near unto the haven: on the left hand stands the palace of sleep: for he is the sovereign King over them all, and hath deputed two great Princes to govern under him, namely Taraxion the son of Matoegenes, and Plutocles the son of Phantasion: in the midst of the marketplace is a well, by them called Careotis, and two temples adjoining, the one of falsehood, the other of truth, which have either of them a private cell peculiar to the Priests, and an oracle, in which the chief prophet is Antipho, the interpreter of dreams, who was preferred by sleep to that place of dignity: these dreams are not all alike either in nature, or shape: for some of them are long beautiful and pleasing, others again are as short and deformed: some make show to be of gold, and others to be as base and beggarly: some of them had wings, and were of monstrous forms, others set out in pomp as it were in a triumph, representing the appearances of Kings, Gods, and other persons: many of them were of our acquaintance, for they had been seen of us before, which came unto us and saluted us as their old friends, and took us and lulled us asleep, & feasted us nobly and courteously, promising beside all other entertainment which was sumptuous and costly, to make us Kings and Princes: some of them brought us home to our own country to show us our friends there, and come back with us the next morrow: thus we spent thirty days and as many nights among them sleeping and feasting all the while, until a sudden clap of thunder awakened us all, and we starting up, provided ourselves of victuals, and took sea again, and on the third day landed in Ogygia. But upon the way I opened the letter I was to deliver, and read the contents, 
Homer Odyss.  which were these: Ulysses to Calypso sendeth greeting: this is to give you to undestand, that after my departure from you, in the vessel I made in haste for myself, I suffered shipwreck, & hardly escaped by the help of Leucothea into the country of the Phoeacks, who sent me to mine own home, where I found many that were wooers to my wife, and riotously consumed my means: but I slew them all and was afterwards killed myself by my son 
h Who being told by his mother whose son he was travelled to Ithaca to see his father, but being kept back by the guard, and not suffered to have admittance, he slew certain of them, and at length Ulysses being drawn thither by the tumult, Telegonus not knowing who he was ignorantly slew him.  Telegonus, whom I begat of Circe, & am now in the Island of the blessed, where I daily repent myself for refusing to live with you, and forsaking the immortality proffered me by you; but if I can spy a convenient time, I will give them all the slip and come to you: This was the effect of the letter with some addition concerning us, that we should have entertainment: and fare had I not gone from the sea, but I found such a cave as Homer speaks of, and she herself working busily at her wool, when she had received the letter, and brought us in, she began to weep and take on grievously, but afterwards she called us to meat, and made us very good cheer, ask us many questions concerning Ulysses and Penelope, whether she was so beautiful and modest, as Ulysses had often before bragged of her: and we made her such answer, as we thought would give her best content: and departing to our ship, reposed ourselves near unto the shore, and in the morning put to sea, where we were taken with a violent storm, which tossed us two days together, and on the third we fell among the Colocynthopiratans': these are a wild kind of men, that issue out of the Islands adjoining, and prey upon passengers: and for their shipping have mighty great gowrds six cubits in length, which they make hollow when they are ripe, and cleanse out all that is within them, and use the rinds for ships, making their masts of reeds, and their sails of the gowrd leaves: These set upon us with two ships furnished and fought with us, and wounded many, casting at us instead of stones, the seeds of those gowrds: the fight was continued with equal fortune, until about noon, at which time, behind the Colocynthopiratans' we espied the Caryonautans coming on, who as it appeared, were enemies to the other: for when they saw them approach, they forsook us, and turned about to fight with them, and in the mean space we hoist sail and away, leaving them together by the ears, and no doubt but the Caryonautans had the better of the day, for they exceeded in number, having five ships well furnished, and their vessels of greater strength, for they are made of nutshells cloven in the midst and cleansed, of which every half is fifteen fathom in length: when we were got out of sight, we were careful for the curing of our hurt men, and from that time forwards went no more unarmed, fearing continually to be assaulted on the sudden: and good cause we had: for before sunsetting, some twenty men or thereabouts, which also were pirates, made towards us riding upon monstrous great dolphines, which carried them surely: and when their riders got upon their backs, would neigh like horses: when they were come near us, they divided themselves, some on the one side, and some on the other, and fling at us with dried cuttle-fish, and the eyes of sea-crabs: but when we shot at them again and hurt them, they would not abide it, but fled to the Island the most of them wounded. About midnight, the sea being calm, we fell, before we were ware upon a mighty great 
i Or Kings-fisher.  Alcyons nest, in compass no less than threescore furlongs, in which the Halcyon herself sailed, as she was hatching her eggs, in quantity almost equalling the nest: for when she took her wings, the blast of her feathers had like to have overturned our ship, making a lamentable noise as she flew along: as soon as it was day, we got upon it, and found it to be a nest, fashioned like a great lighter, with trees plaited and wound one within another, in which were five hundred eggs, every one bigger than a ton of Chios measure, and so near their time of hatching, that the young chickings might be seen, and began to cry: then with an axe we hewed one of the eggs in pieces, and cut out a young one that had no feathers, which yet was bigger than twenty of our vultures: when we had gone some two hundred furlongs from this nest, fearful prodigies, and strange tokens appeared unto us: for the carved goose that stood for an ornament on the stern of our ship, suddenly flushed out with feathers and began to cry: Scintharus our pilot, that was a bold man, in an instant was covered with hair: and which was more strange than all the rest, the mast of our ship began to bud out with branches, and to bear fruit at the top, both of figs, and great clusters of grapes, but not yet ripe: upon the sight of this, we had great cause to be troubled in mind, and therefore besought the gods to avert from us the evil that by these tokens was portended: And we had not passed full out five hundred furlongs, but we came in view of a mighty wood of pine-trees and cypress, which made us think it had been land, when it was indeed a sea of infinite depth, planted with trees that had no roots, but floated firm and upright, standing upon the water: when we came to it, and found how the case stood with us, we knew not what to do with ourselves: to go forwards thorough the trees was altogether impossible, they were so thick, and grew so close together: and to turn again with safety, was as much unlikely: I therefore got me up to the top of the highest tree to discover if I could what was beyond, and I found the breadth of the wood to be fifty furlongs or thereabout, and then appeared another Ocean to receive us, wherefore we thought it best to assay to lift up our ship upon the leaves of the trees which were thick grown, and by that means pass over if it were possible to the other Ocean: and so we did: for fastening a strong cable to our ship, we wound it about the tops of the trees, and with much ado poised it up to the height, and placing it upon the branches, spread our sails, and were carried as it were upon the sea, dragging our ship after us by the help of the wind which set it forwards: at which time, a verse of the poet Antimachus came to my remembrance, wherein he speaks of sailing over tops of trees: when we had passed over the wood, and were come to the sea again, we let down our ship in the same manner as we took it up: Then sailed we forwards in a pure and clear stream, until we came to an exceeding great gulf or trench in the sea, made by the division of the waters, as many times is upon land: where we see great cliffs made in the ground by earthquakes and other means: whereupon we struck sail and our ship stayed upon a sudden, when it was at the pits brim ready to tumble in: and we stooping down to look into it, thought it could be no less than a thousand furlongs deep, most fearful and monstrous to behold, for the water stood as it were divided into two parts, but looking on our right hand a fare off, we perceived a bridge of water, which to our seeming, did join the two seas together, and cross over from the one to the other: wherefore we laboured with oars to get unto it, and over it we went, and with much ado got to the further side, beyond all our expectation. Then a calm sea received us, and in it we found an Island, not very great, but inhabited with unsociable people, for in it were dwelling wild men named Bucephalians, that had horns on their heads like the picture of 
c A monster who was half a bull and half a man, begotten on Pasiphae the wife of Minos' King of Crete, by a bull with which she fell in love, etc. Ovid. Met.  Minotaurus: where we went ashore to look for fresh water and victuals, for ours was all spent: and there we found water enough, but nothing else appeared: only we heard a great bellowing and roaring a little way off, which we thought to have been some heard of cattle, and going forwards, fell upon those men, who espying us, chased us back again, and took three of our company: the rest fled towards the sea: then we all armed ourselves, not meaning to leave our friends unrevenged, and set upon the Bucephalians, as they were dividing the flesh of them that that were slain, and put them all to flight, and pursued after them, of whom we killed fifty, and two we took alive, and so returned with our prisoners, but food we could find none: then the company were all earnest with me to kill those whom we had taken: but I did not like so well of that, thinking it better to keep them in bonds, until ambassadors should come from the Bucephalians to ransom them that were taken, and indeed they did: and I well understood by the nodding of their heads, and their lamentable lowing, like petitioners, what their business was: so we agreed upon a ransom of sundry cheeses, and dried fish, and onions, and four dear with three legs a piece, two behind and one before: upon these conditions we delivered those whom we had taken, and tarrying there but one day, departed: then the fishes began to show themselves in the sea, and the birds flew over our heads, and all other tokens of our approach to land appeared unto us: within a while after we saw men travelling the seas, and a new found manner of navigation, themselves supplying the office both for ship and sailer: and I will tell you how: As they lie upon their backs in the water and their privy members standing upright, which are of a large size and fit for such a purpose, they fasten thereto a sail, and holding their cords in their hands, when the wind hath taken it, are carried up and down as please themselves: after these followed others riding upon cork: for they yoke two dolphines together, and drive them on, (performing themselves the place of a coachman) which draw the cork along after them: these never offered us any violence, nor once shunned our sight, but passed along in our company, without fear in a peaceable manner, wondering at the greatness of our ship, and beholding it on every side. At evening we arrived upon a small Island, inhabited, as it seemed only by women, which could speak the Greek language: for they came unto us, gave us their hands, and saluted us, all attired like wantoness, beautiful, and young, wearing long mantles down to the foot: the Island was called Cabalusa, and the city Hydamardia: so the women received us, and every one of them took aside one of us for herself, and made him her guest: but I pausing a little upon it (for my heart misgave me) looked narrowly round about, and saw the bones of many men, and the sculls lying together in a corner: yet I thought not good to make any stir, or to call my company about me, or to put on arms: but taking the mallow into my hand, made my earnest prayers thereto, that I might escape out of those present perils: within a while after, when the strange female came to wait upon me, I perceived she had not the legs of a woman, but the hooves of an ass: whereupon I drew my sword, and taking fast hold of her, bond her, and examined her upon the point: and she though unwillingly, confessed that they were sea-women, called Onosceleans, and they fed upon strangers that traveled that way: for said she, when we have made them drunk, we go to bed to them, and in their sleep, make a hand of them: I hearing this, left her bound in the place where she was, and went up to the roof of the house, where I made an outcry, and called my company to me, and when they were come together, acquainted them with all that I had heard, and shown them the bones, and brought them into her that was bound, who suddenly was turned into water, and could not be seen: notwithstanding I thrust my sword into the water, to see what would come of it, and it was changed into blood: then we made all the hast we could to our ship, and got us away: and as soon as it was clear day, we had sight of the main land, which we judged to be the country opposite to our continent: whereupon we worshipped, and made our prayers and took counsel what was now to be done: some thought it best, only to go a land, and so return back again: others thought it better to leave our ship there, and march into the midland, to try what the inhabitants would do: but whilst we were upon this consultation a violent storm fell upon us, which drove our ship against the shore, and burst it all in pieces, and with much ado we all swum to land with our arms, every man catching what he could lay hands on: These are all the occurrences I can acquaint you withal, till the time of our landing both in the sea, and in our course to the Lands, and in the air: and after that in the whale: and when we came out again, what betid unto us among the Heroes, and among the dreams, and lastly among the Bucephalians, and the Onosceleans: what passed upon land, the next Books shall deliver.   

TIMON OR THE MANHATER.  
O Jupiter, that art also 
a Names derived from the several offices of Jupiter.  called Philius, and Xenius, and Hetaerius, and Ephestius, and Asteropetes, and Hercius, and Nephelegeretes, and Erigdupus, and I know not how many names else, which the brainsick poets have been used to put upon thee, especially when they want words to make up their meeter: for than thou art a plain alias dictus among them, and they call thee they care not what, 
Timon's complaint.  wherewith thou supportest the ruins of their rhythms, and closest up the crannies of their verses: what's now become of thy fiery flashes of lightning, thy clattering claps of thunder, and thy dreadful horrible terrible thunderbolt? all these are now come to nothing, no more esteemed than a poetical fume, were it not for the noise of their names only: and that renowned fare fetching engine of thine, that was ready at all assays, I know not by what means is now utterly quenched, and cooled: not the least spark of wrath reserved to be darted out against malefactors: No knight of the post, nor common perjuror but stands more in dread of the dead snuff of a candle, than of the all consuming heat of thy thunderbolt, and they make no more account of it, than of a dark torch held over their heads, that yields neither fire nor smoke, & think all the hurt it can do them, is to fill them with sutt. This made 
b True Hist, l. 2. d.  Salmoneus already presume to answer thee again with thunder: a bold daring braggadochio, that knew how cool Jove's anger would be well enough: for how should it be otherwise? thou being surprised with so dead a sleep as if thou hadst eaten 
c Ibid. g.  Mandrakes, neither able to hear them that commit perjury, nor see them that are actors of villainy, but art either so purblind or so hoodwinked that thou canst discern nothing that is done, and thy ears as deaf as a doting old man's. Indeed when thou wast in thy younger blood, and hadst thy spirits about thee, and thy choler apt to be stirred, thou didst work wonders against those that were unjust and violent, and wouldst never take any truce, or come to any composition with them, but thy thunderbolt was ever in action, thy target ready brandished, thy tempest roared, thy lightning flashed amain to fetch them off at length, thy earthquakes were like riddles, thy snow fell down by heaps, and hailstones as big as rocks, and to tell the home indeed, thy showers of rain were all impetuous and violent, every drop as big as a river, which suddenly made such a 
d The general deluge. Ovid. Met. 1.1.  Deucalion, that all things were drenched under the floods, and surely one small cask remained to arrive at 
e The place where Deucalion and Pyrrha escaped from the flood.  Licoreus, which preserved a poor spark of humane seed for the generation of greater mischiefs. Wherefore thou reapest at their hands a just reward of thy sluggishness for no man now doth sacrifice unto thee, or so much as set a garland upon thy head, unless it be slightly at the games of Olympus, holding it no matter of duty neither, but only for form and fashion sake: and in a while, they will make thee, that art the prime metropolitan of all the gods, to become a second 
f The father of Jupiter and thrown by him out of his kingdom.  Saturn, and utterly despoil thee of thy sovereignty: I forbear to tell how often times they have rob thy temples, yea how some have been so bold as, to lay hands on thy sacred person in thy Olympian temple, whilst thou, the high and mighty thunderer, wouldst not take so much pains as to waken a dog, or call neighbours about thee to help to apprehend them, when they were all preparing to run away: but thou, that worthy wight, that hadst confounded the giants and vanquished the 
g Giants the sons of Titan, elder brother of Saturn who made war against Jupiter.  Titans, satst still and didst nothing, whilst 
h A proverb importing extraordinary stupidity.  they clipped thy hair round about thy head, and yet hadst a thunderbolt in thy hand, ten eubits long at the least. When shall this supine carelessness come to an end, good Jupiter? and when wilt thou revenge thyself upon so great in-justice? how many 
* True Hist. lib. 1. g.  Phaethons'? how many Dencalions would suffice to purge this immeasurable abuse of life? for to omit other men, and come to myself, that have set so many Athenians float, of miserable beggars have made them wealthy men, and succoured all that craved assistance at my hands, nay rather poured out my riches by heaps to do my friends good, yet when by that means I grew poor and fell into decay, I could never be acknowledged by them, nor they once so much as cast an eye towards me, who before crouched and kneeled unto me, and wholly depended upon my beck. If I chance to meet with any of them upon the way, they pass by me as though I were a grave stone, laid over some man that had been dead long before, and now worn to pieces, and will not tarry so much as to read the inscription. Others, if they see me a fare of, will turn aside and take another way, a if I were some dismal and unlucky object to be looked upon: who, not long before, had been their founder and benefactor. These indignities have made me betake myself to this solitary place, to clothe myself in this leather garment, and labour in the earth for four halfpences a day, here practising Philosophy, with solitariness and my mattock: and think I shall gain enough by the match, in that I shall have no sight of many that are rich men without desert: for that would grieve me more than all the rest. Now therefore thou son of Saturn and Rhea, shake off at the length, 
l Iliad. 2. v. 2.  this profound and dead sleep, wherein thou hast laid drowsing longer than ever did 
m Proverb. who was sent by his father Agiasarchus into the field to look to cattles, and being weary laid himself down in a cave and fell asleep, and waked not again till 47. years were expired. Laert. & Plin.  Epimenides: give thy thunderbolt a fresh heat, or set whole mount Oeta on fire to make it hot: deliver some show of a lusty and youthful Jupiter, unless it be true indeed that the Crotans tell of thee, and of thy sepulchre.  Jupiter. 
Who may he be, Mercury, that makes such exclamation in the country of Athens, at the foot of mount 
n Icaromen. r.  Hymettus? a miserable poor wretch he seems to be, 
The Philosophers blasphemous against the gods. See Icaromen.  clad all in leather, and by the action of his body it appears he is digging in the earth: yet I find he hath tongue at will and boldness enough to use it: is he not one of these philosophers? for none but they would be so impiously blasphemous against us.  Mercury. 
Why father, know you not Timon, the son of Echecratides, the Colyttean? this is he that hath often entertained us with sacrifices of the best sort: that was so rich of late, that he offered whole Hecatombs unto us: with whom we were wont to have so good cheer at the feasts of 
o Icaromen. s.  Diasia.  Jupiter: 
Ah us, what an alteration is this? that good man, that rich man, that had so many friends? how came he to be in such a case? miserably distressed, fain to dig and labour for his living, as appears by holding so heavy a mattock in his hands.  Mercury. 
Some say his bounty undid him, and his kindness, and commiseration towards all that craved of him: but in plain terms, it was his folly, simplicity & indiscretion in making choice of his friends, not knowing that he bestowed his liberality upon crows and wolves, that tore out the very entrails of that miserable man, like so many vultures: he took them for men that loved him well, and such as came to him for goodwill, when they took pleasure in nothing but devouring, eating of the flesh to the bare bones: and if there were any marrow remaining within, they would be sure to suck it out clean before they went away, and so leave him withered and quite cut up by the roots, taking no knowledge of him afterwards nor once looking towards him, but will be sure to be fare enough of when they should help him, or do the like by him again: this hath made him as you see, betake himself to his mattock and his pelt, and forsaking the city for very shame, works in the field for day wages, half mad with melancholy to think upon his misfortunes, and to see them that were made by him pass along so proudly, that they will take no notice of the name of Timon if they hear it pronounced unto them.  Jupiter. 
This man must not be unremembered, nor let alone so: I find he had cause to complain upon his grievances: and therefore if we also should be careless of him, we should do as those damned flatterers have done, and be unmindful of a man, that hath sacrificed so many droves of oxen and goats unto us upon our altars, that the savour of them sticks in my nostrils to this day: but my 
p Icaromenip. x  business hath been so urgent, and I have had so much ado with perjurers, oppressors, and thiefs, beside the fear I stand in of temple robbers (who are many in number and hard to be prevented) that I have had no leisure for a long time to turn mine eyes another way, 
See Jupiter's speeech against the Philosophers in the end of Icaromenip.  or so much as look towards the country of Athens, especially since philosophy, and contentious disputatious have been in request amongst them: but of necessity must either sit still and stop mine ears, or apply myself to them, whilst with open mouths they make much ado about virtue, and incorporalities, and such like trifles, which was the cause we could not have that care of him, as of a man no way ill deserving: but now Mercury, take 
q The God of riches, among the heathen.  Plutus with you and repair to him with all speed, and let Plutus take treasure along with him also, and let them both make their abode with Timon, and not departed with him lightly, unless he will again be so good as to force them out of his doors by violence. As for those flatterers, and the ingratitude they have expressed towards him, we will consider of it another time, and they shall be sure to pay for it, as soon as my thunderbolt is in case: for two of the greatest tines of it were broken or blunted the other day, when I darted it furiously at the sophister 
r This Philosopher held that the world was created and governed by an eternal spirit: and was therefore thought by the Heathen to deny that there was any god. He was very great with Pericles. See Plutarch in his life.  Anaxagoras, who was persuading his scholars that we were no gods: but I missed of my mark, for Pericles held up his hand before him, and it strake sidewise into the temple of Castor and Pollux, which it set on fire, & itself was almost broke in pieces against a rock: but for the present, it will be plague enough unto them, to see Timon rich again.  Mercury. 
This it is to be clamorous, importunate, and and bold, not only among them that plead for matter of right, 
The benefit of importunacy.  but is useful also, it seems, to men in their prayers. Now must Timon from a poor beggarly wretch, be made a rich man again for his exclamation sake: and his audacity in prayer hath made Jupiter turn his eye towards him, whereas if he had digged in silence, he might have digged long enough and never have been looked upon.  Plutus. 
For my part, Jupiter, to be plain with you, I will not come at him.  Jupiter: 
Why so, good Plutus, knowing it is my pleasure?  Plutus. 

The complaint of Plutus.  Because he hath used me ill, Jupiter, drove me out of his doors, and cut me into a thousand pieces though I had evermore been a true friend to his father, yet would he needs cast me out of his house, as it were with a fork, or as men would cast fire out of their hands: should I go again to him, to be scattered among flatterers, parasites, and harlots? send me to those men, Jupiter that are sensible of my worth, and will be careful of me, that honour me, and are in love with me: as for such gross-headed gulls as these, let poverty be their companion on god's name, because they have preferred her before us, and from her hands let them receive a leather pelt and a mattock, and content themselves, like miserable men, to earn four halfpences a day, that have erst thought it nothing to cast away gifts of ten talents worth at a time.  Jupiter. 
Timon will use thee so no more: his mattock I trow, hath tutored him well enough for that: and the creek he hath caught in his back can teach him, how much thou art to be preferred before poverty: but this is strange to my ear, and thou showest thyself too too querulous, and to be apt to complain how ever the world go: Now thou criest out upon Timon, who set his doors wide open to thee, and suffered thee to walk at pleasure without restraint, or conceiving any jealous opinion of thee, whereas at other times thou hast found fault with the contrary: how thou hadst been used by rich men, saying, that thou wast shut up by them under lock and key, with their seals set upon thee so sure, that it was impossible for thee to put out thy head into the light, or once look a broad: this haste thou been wont to complain of to me, and to tell me, that thou wast almost stifled in extreme darkness, which made thee look so pale and won, to be filled with care and anxiety, that thou didst threaten to run away from them, if ever thou couldst find a fit opportunity: thou didst make a show then as if thou thoughtst thyself to be in great extremity to be constrained to lead a virgin's life like a second 
s Necroman. c.  Danae, kept in a closet of brass or iron, there to be fed up with interest money and reckonings under the custody of exact and cruel keepers: thou wouldst tell me how strange and absurd a course they took, who loving thee so tenderly, and it being in their power to have fruition of thee, yet durst not adventure upon thee, nor use their loves freely, though they were Lords over thee, but kept themselves waking to keep thee, and their eyes continually bend upon the seal and the bolt without winking; and thought in so doing they enjoyed thee well enough, not in having benefit of thee themselves, but in barring others from having any part in thee, 
* Proverb.  like the dog in the manger, that could neither eat barley himself, nor suffer the hungry horse to have any: thou wouldst also deride their parsimony and wariness, and which was more strange than all the rest, to see how jealous they were even of themselves, not knowing that some roguish servant or cozening steward, or cheating schoolmaster should secretly intrude himself, and domineer over that unlucky and unlovely owner, whilst he sat watching his interest money, by the poor dim light of a dry rush candle: How can this hang together, to complain so much of them, and now to find fault with the contrary?  Plutus. 

This Dialogue is for the most part an imitation of Aristophanes his Plutus.  If you will rightly conceive of it, I think I may be well excused in blaming them both: for as Timon's unthriftiness and carelessness may be a strong argument how little account he made of me, so, they that keep me prisoner, shut up in darkness under lock and key, to have me grow bigger, fatter and groser by their careful heediness, not once so much as touching me, or bringing me to light lest I should be seen of any, I hold them no better than foundlings and abusers of me, in suffering me to be eaten with rust, that never did them any wrong: not considering that they must shortly take their farewell of me, and leave me to some other fortunate man. I neither commend these, nor those that are so ready to be rid of me, but they that take a moderate course between both, which is best of all, and neither altogether abstain from me, nor be utterly lavish of me: consider of it, but thus, good Jupiter: if a man should join himself in marriage with a young wife, fair, and beautiful, and then carry no eye over her, but suffer her to gad abroad at her pleasure night and day, and accompany with every one that would: nay more, should offer to persuade her to play the harlot, 
Riches compared to a wife  set open his doors, be bawd himself, and allure all he could to come and visit her, could such a man be thought to love his wife? I am sure, Jupiter, you will never say so, that have so often been in love yourself. Again, if a man should join in wedlock with an honest woman, and bring her to his own home, with purpose to beget children of her, and then neither touch her himself, though she were a flourishing, and lovely damsel, nor suffer any other to come at her, or so much as to look upon her, but keep her a virgin, under lock and key, unfruitful and barren, and yet profess himself to love her dear, and gives instance of no less by the 
t Which are the symptoms of love.  paleness of his complexion, the fading of his flesh, and the hollowness of his eyes, may not he be well thought to be out of his wits, it being in his power to do the part of an husband, and take fruition of his marriage bed, and yet will suffer a lovely and well looked virgin to pine and whither away as a Nun in a cloister all the days of her life. This is it that I complain upon, when some disgracefully kick me out of doors, consume and exhaust me idle, others keep me fast in fetters, as if I were some fugitive servant.  Jupiter. 
Let neither of these sorts of men trouble thy patience, they both are plagued according as they deserve: the one like 
u The son of Jupiter and Plote father of Pelops, and granfather of Agamemnon and Menelaus, who entertaining the gods feasted them with the fl●sh of his own son, but they sore displeased with the unnaturalness of the act, restored his son to life, but him they thrust into hell, where he is continually tormented with extreme hunger and thirst, standing in a clear river unto the chin & delicate fruit hanging over his head, but can neither touch the one nor the other.  Tantalus, neither eat nor drink, though their mouth be dry, but continue still gaping upon their gold: the other like 
* A King of Arcadia who was thus punished by the gods, for putting out the eyes of his own son.  Phineus, have their food snatched out of their very chops by the 
x Ravening birds with eagles claws, and women's faces. Virg. Enead.  Harpies, before they can swallow it down: but for your part, get you packing to Timon, whom you shall now find to be a man of much better temper.  Plutus. 
But will he ever give over to set me a running, as it were liquor out of a rotten vessel, and hast to pour me out, before I can be all put in, to prevent an inundation lest for want of means to exhaust me, I should wholly choke and drown him up? certainly for aught that I can find, I do no more but powre water into 
y Proverb. Fifty sisters the daughters of D●naus, King of the Argives, brother to Aegyptus, who in one night slew all their husband, the sons of Aegyptus, except Hypermnestra, who saved her husband Lynceus. The rest were condemned for this wicked act, continually to pour water in 〈◊〉 in●otubbes boared full of holes in the bottom, they are also called Belides from their grandfather.  the tubs of the Danaides, and vainly seek to fill a concavity that will hold nothing: but before I can get in, almost all is run out, the holes of the vessel have so wide a vent, that nothing can stop the passage.  Jupiter. 
If he do not now close up those gaps, that all may not gush out at once to give thee a present issue, he may soon find his pelt & mattock again in the lees of the vessel but for this time get you gone, and enrich him once more, And you, Mercury, remember as you return to bring the 
z 
Giants with one eye in their forehead, the sons of Neptune and Amphitrite, and workmen of Vulcan, they are said by the poets to be the smiths that make Jupiter's thunderbolts, and that mount Aetna in Sicily, which flames on the top with fire is their forge. Love and riches are both blind. Riches come but slowly to the good.  
But go away nimbly.   Cyclops to us from Aetna, to sharpen our thunderbolt, and make it fit for use, for we must needs have it new whetted upon a sudden.  Mercury. 
Then let us be gone, Plutus. But what is the matter with thee now? what makes the halt? I have been mistaken in thee all this while, for I thought thee to be only blind, and now I perceive thou art lame also.  Plutus: 
I am not so at all times, Mercury, for when I go to any man as sent from Jupiter, I know not how, I fall lame, and so decrepit on both legs, that I can hardly get to my journeys end, before the man grow old that is to enjoy me: but when the time of my departure comes, you shall see me with wings on my back fly away more swiftly than a bird: 
* A metaphor taken from horseraces.  no sooner can the lash be given, but I shall have got to the end of the goal, and be proclaimed victor, when the beholders some times could scarce have any sight of me.  Merc. 
I cannot believe thee in that: for I could name many unto thee, that as yesterday had not a halfpenny to buy themselves an halter, and this day come to be rich and wealthy men, drawn up and down with a pair of white coach-horses, that never were worth an ass of their own before: traverse the streets clothed in purple, with gold rings on their fingers, when I verily think, they scarcely believe themselves that their riches are any more than a dream.  Plutus. 
That's another matter, Mercury: for I do not then go upon mine own feet, 
He must needs go that the devil drives.  neither is it Jupiter, but Pluto that sets me a work to go to them, who is also a bountiful bestower of riches, as his name imports: for when the time comes that I am to be conveyed from one to another, they enter me first into wills and testaments, 
The description of an inheritance.  and seal them up surely, than they take me by heaps and carry me away, after they have cast the dead man into some dark corner of the house, 
Assured.  and covered his carcase within an old linen rag, which are ready to go together by the ears for. In the mean space, they that are competitors in the prize, stand gaping in the market place, as 
a Expected. Iliad. 2.  young swallows for their dam that hovers about them: but when the seal is once taken off, and the string cut in two, 
Obtained by base means.  and the writing opened, and my new master published (whether it be some kinsman, or parasite, or obscenous slave kept for sodomitical sinfulness, his master's minion, that still keeps his chin, close shaved) in lieu of so many and manifold pleasures which in his elder age he supplied him withal, that worthy wight shall receive me as a plentiful hire for his pains. Then he whosoever he be, snatching me up, together with the letters testament, carries me away clear, and instead of him that was lately called 
b The names of slaves and servants.  Pyrrhias, or Dromo, or Tibias, will now have his name altered to 
c Names of Princes and great men.  Megacles, or Megabyzus, or Protarchus, leaving the other silly fools behind him, gaping one upon another with grief of heart to see 
d Proverb. Those that are base by nature can never change their conditions though they be raised to the greatest fortunes.  what a fish had escaped their net, without swallowing down any part of the bait: when he hath thus made me sure to himself, (being an ignorant sot, without wit or breeding, still fearing to be bound and whipped, but pricks up his ears, and stands in as much awe of 
e It was a punishment amongst the Romans to make their slaves grind corn in a mill-house, where they were whipped and lashed like horses.  a mill house as of a temple) he then grows intolerable among his companions, wrongs the freeman, beats his fellow servants to prove if there be any such power in him or not, till in the end, he either drop into some bawdy house, or set his heart upon keeping race-horses, or give himself up to be led by flatterers that will swear and stare he is more beautiful than Nireus, an ancienter gentleman than 
f Necrom. c. ib. k.  Cecrops, or Codrus, a wiser man than 
g The wisest man and greatest Politician of all the Grecians.  Ulysses, and richer than sixteen such as Croesus, and so in a short space he shall be gulled of all that which was so long in getting, by so many perjuries, rapines, and deceits.  Mercury, 
You are in the right for that; but going as thou dost, still on foot, without a guide, and being blind withal, I marvel how thou canst find out the way, or learn out to whom thou art sent by Jupiter, and take notice they are worthy to be made rich.  Plutus. 
Do you think I am able to find them out? 
And riotously wasted.   Mercury. 
I do not think thou canst: otherwise thou wouldst never have skipped over 
h A most just noble man of Athens, who died so poor, that he had not money enough to pay for his burial.  Aristides to bestow thyself upon 
i Rich Athenians but of base condition. Scholiast. in Aristoph. Batrach.  Hipponicus and Callias, and many other Athenians, that never deserved to be made worth an halfpenny: but what dost thou do when thou art sent upon such an arrant? what course dost thou take?  Plutus. 
I wander up and down like a vagrant, till I light upon one or other that looked not for me: and he that first finds me, carries me away with him, returning many thankes to thee, Mercury, for his unexpected good fortune.  Mercury. 

k 
Mercury was thought by the heathen to be a god that holp men to wealth and was therefore by them surnamed 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. i. enriching.  
A good man hard to be found.   Is Jupiter then deceived? who according to his good meaning imagineth thou makest none rich but whom he thinks worthy?  Plutus. 
He may thank himself for that, for he knows well enough how blind I am, and yet will send me to seek out a thing so hard to be found, and so long ago vanished from having any being, that 
l Icaromen. b.  Lynceus himself could hardly light upon it, it is so obscure and insensible: for which cause, there being so few good men to be found, and such swarms of the worse, that they fill the city from one end to the other, I may the more easily meet with them in my progress, and be circumvented by them.  Mercury. 
But when thou art to forsake them, how canst thou escape with any ease, not knowing the way?  Plutus. 
My sight is then sharp enough, and my legs well able to carry me off, only for the time of my departure.  Mercury. 
Let me ask thee one question more: thy sight being defective, (for I will speak my mind freely) 
m Cock. d▪  thy complexion discoloured, and thy limbs so feeble and decrepit, how comes it to pass that thou hast so many lovers, and that all men affect thee, thinking themselves fortunate if they can attain thee, and their life liveless, if they cannot enjoy thee: I have known some, and not a few, that have been so fare besotted with thee, that they have 
n An imitation of Theogius. v. 176. & 176.  cast themselves into the deep sea, and from the top of steep rocks doubting lest they were despised by thee, because thou never wouldst vouchsafe to afford them any grace: & I am sure thou wilt freely confess, if thou kn●west thyself, that they are all mad men to dote upon such a love.  Plutus. 
Do you think I appear to them to be such as I am indeed, lame, blind, with all my other imperfections?  Mercury. 
What else, Plutus, unless they be all as blind as thou.  Plutus. 
Blind they are not, good Mercury, but ignorance and error, which nowadays are predominant, do cast a mist before their eyes: and for my own part, 
Riches have only a fair outside.  because I would not appear altogether deformed, I put a lovely vizard upon my face, wrought over with gold, and thick beset with pearl, and cloth myself with costly garments when I come unto them, which makes them think they see beauty in her own colours, whereupon they fall so fare in love with me, that they even perish if they cannot enjoy me: whereas if a man should show me to them naked, & stripped of my accoutrements, no doubt they would condemn themselves, for being so deceived, and for loving so unlovely and mishapen a thing.  Mercury. 
But when they are grown rich, and have put the same vizard upon their own faces, why are they yet deceived, and rather would lose their heads from their shoulders, then suffer themselves to be unmasked by any: me thinks they should not then be ignorant that thy comeliness was but counterfeit, when they have full sight of the inside.  Plutus. 
There are many things that afford me good help, Mercury, in this case.  Mercury. 
What may they be?  Plutus. 
At my first coming to any man, when he sets open his doors to receive me, there enter privily with me, pride, folly, presumption, effeminacy, contempt, 
Vices and infirmities that accompany riches.  delusion, and infinite of the same stamp, which do so possess the soul of the silly fellow, that he admires things not worthy of estimation, and covets after things that are to be eschewed, and doth so do at upon me, that am the father of all this cursed crew, and continually attended by them, that he would endure any thing, rather than suffer himself to be deprived of me.  Mercury. 

Riches are slippery.  But thou hast another fault, Plutus, thou art so nimble and slippery, so hard to be held, and so fleet in flying away, that thou wilt give a man no fast hold, but like an eel or a snake, slip thorough his fingers I know not how: whereas poverty is apt to be apprehended, and quickly caught, 
But poverty is easy to be laid hold on.  having an hundred sort of fishhooks, fastened to every part of her body, wherewith she suddenly catcheth hold upon all that come near her, and will not easily be unloosed again. But while I spend the time in this trifling talk, we have been forgetful of that which we had most reason to remember.  Plutus. 
What is that?  Mercury. 
To bring treasure along with us, who is a principal party in this service.  Plutus. 
Take you no care for that: I left him safe in the earth when I ascended to you, charging him to keep home, and the door shut, and to open to no man, unless he hear me call.  Mercury. 
Let us then be travelling towards Attica: take hold by my cloak and follow me, until we are come to the confines of the country.  Plutus. 
You do well, Mercury, to be my guide, for if you leave me, I am like enough to be caught up by 
o 
A seller of lamps in Athens, who was a very knave, and dealt almost in all kinds of trades (as our chandlers do) he grew rich by mixing lead with the copper of his lamps and so cozened the buyer. Scholiast. on Aristoph.  
A leather-seller one of the same stamp. Aristoph.  
Virtue's accompanying poverty.   Hyperbolus or Cleon, as I room I know not whither. But what noise is this I hear, as it were iron grating against a stone.  Mercury. 
It is Timon, who is opening the earth hard by upon the side of a rocky mountain. But what shall we do with him? I see he hath got poverty to him, and labour, and sufferance and wisdom, and fortitude and a whole regiment, of the same rank, mustered up by hunger: a troop of more worth than thou wilt be able to furnish him withal.  Plutus. 
Let us tarry no longer then, good Mercury I pray you: for we shall never do good of a man guarded with such attendants.  Mercury. 
Jupiter hath otherwise determined, and therefore we must not shrink in the service.  Poverty. 
Mercury, whither do you lead this man?  Mercury. 
We are sent to Timon here, by Jupiter himself.  Poverty. 
Comes Plutus now to Timon, whom I entertained, and took up, when he was in ill case, God knows, and utterly spent with riot and disorder? is poverty so contemptible a creature with you, and so fit a subject to receive injury, that you come to deprive me of the only possession I thought myself sure of, and whom I had trained up to all degrees of virtue, that Plutus may again take him to his tuition, and then give him over to insolency & pride, which will make him as effeminate base and foolish, as ever he was before, and so return him again to me, no better that a ragged clout?  Mercury. 
O Poverty, it is Jove's pleasure to have it so:  Poverty. 
Then I will give place: and you my old familiars, labour, wisdom, and the rest, follow me, and he shall soon find what a friend he hath foregone, how true a companion in his labour, and how good a teacher of the best things: in whose society, his body was healthful, 
See the Cock.  his mind valorous and constant, and he lived like a man depending upon himself, and holding matters of superfluity, and the like to be, as they are indeed, nothing appertaining to him.  Mercury. 
They are all departed, therefore let us draw near.  Timon. 
what are you, ye damned wretches, or what make you here, to molest a labouring man, that works for his living? yea shall dear buy it before you go, base villains as you are, for with clods and stones I will let drive at you as fast as I can.  Mercury, 
Forbear good Timon, and cast not at us: mistake us not: we are not men: I am Mercury, this is Plutus whom Jupiter hearing thy prayers hath sent unto thee: wherefore, in good time receive thy happy fortune and desist from thy labour.  Timon. 
I will make you both repent it, though ye be gods: for I hate all alike both gods and men: and this blind knave, whosoever he be, shall soon find to his cost the weight of my mattock.  Plutus. 
For god's sake Mercury let us be gone, the man is sure more than mad, and will do me a mischief before I shall get from him.  Mercury. 
Be not selfe willed Timon, I pray you, but lay aside this fierceness and bitterness: stretch out your hands, receive good fortune, be rich again and the chief among the Athenians, live in despite of those ungrateful wretches, and no man happy but thyself.  Timon. 
I tell you plainly I have no occasion to use you: trouble me not: this mattock is riches enough for me: and for all other matters, I think myself best at ease, when no man comes near me.  Mercury. 
Good sir, will you show yourself so ill bred, as to 
* Iliad. l. 15. v. 202. Iris to Neptune.  return such a harsh and unmannerly answer to Jupiter? though you have some cause to hate mankind that have dealt dishonestly with you, yet be not a hater of god by any means, considering how ready the gods have been to relieve you.  Timon. 
For your part, Mercury, and so I say for Jupiter, I yield you hearty thankes, for the care you have had of me: but for this Plutus, I will have nothing to do with him.  Mercury. 
What is your reason for that?  Timon. 
Because he hath been the means of the infinite miseries that have betide unto me, betrayed me into the hands of flatterers, delivered me up to those that lay in wait for me, 
Riches the means of diverse evils.  stirred up hatred against me, undid me with voluptuous pleasures, caused every man to envy me, and at the last most treacherously and perfidiously forsook me: 
The benefits of poverty.  whereas honest poverty exercised me in manlike labours, brought me acquainted with truth and plain dealing, furnished me with necessaries when I was sickly, and taught me to repose the hopes of my life only in myself, and to contemn all other things. Shown me what riches I had by her means, which neither the flatterer by fair speeches, nor the sycophant by subornation, nor the people by their indignation, nor the judge by indirect sentence, nor the tyrant by all his treacheries and policies are able to deprive me of. Wherefore being enabled by labour, I dig in this plot of ground with a love to my work, and out of sight of those villainies that are practised in the city, my mattock furnishing me sufficiently with food to my content. Back again therefore, good Mercury, the same way you came, and take Plutus along with you to Jupiter for I desire no more but this, to be a perpetual vexation to all men from the youngest to the oldest everlastingly.  Mercury. 
You are to blame in that, I must tell you, for all men deserve not such a measure of extremity: therefore cast off this pettish and childish kind of humour, and accept of Plutus, 
* Iliad. l 3. v. 65. Paris to Hector.  gifts sent from Jupiter are not to be rejected.  Plutus. 
Will you give me leave, Timon, to tell you truth? and will you not take it ill at my hands?  Timon. 
Speak then, but be short: make no proem, as the damned Rhetoritians are wont to do: for I am content to hear a word or two from thee, for this honest Mercury's sake.  Plut. 
Your objections have been so many, that perhaps they require a longer answer than so: 
Plutus excuseth himself to Timon.  notwithstanding consider with yourself whether I be guilty of such wrongs as you have charged me withal: for I have been the author of all your greatest delights, honour, prerogative, ornaments, & all the delicacies you ever enjoyed. In that you have been respected, reverenced & affected by all men, it was by my means: if you have been abused by flatterers, the fault is not in me, for I have more cause to say I have been ill used at your hands, in prostituting me basely to lewd and vile persons, that bewitched you with praises, so to get me into their fingers: at the last you say I proved treacherous towards you, when contrariwise, I may more justly condemn you, for driving me away by all the devises you could imagine, and thrusting me out of your house by head and shoulders. Wherefore instead of costly raiment, venerable poverty hath put this pelt upon you: and Mercury himself can witness with me, how earnest a suitor I was to Jupiter, that I might never more come at you, for using me so discourteously before.  Mercury. 
But now, Plutus, you see he is another manner of man, wherefore take a good heart unto you, and go dwell with him; you Timon, dig as you did before, and do thou Plutus convey treasure unto him under his mattock, for he will hear thee at the first call.  Timon. 
I am content for this once, Mercury, to be ruled by you, and to be made a rich man again: for what can a man do withal, when the gods do so importune him? but consider I beseech you, what a peck of troubles you plunge me miserable man into, that have lately lived most happily, and must now suddenly be endowed with such a mass of gold, without doing any injury, and taking so many cares upon me.  Mercury. 
Endure it all, Timon, for my sake: unless in your discretion you think it heinous to have your former flatterers burst with envy: for I will take my flight over mount Aetna, and so into heaven.  Plutus. 
He is gone, I perceive by the fluttering of his wings: but abide thou there, or if thou like better of it strike with thy mattock into the earth. Ho treasure! golden treasure I say, attend to this Timon, and deliver thyself to be taken up by him. Dig now Timon as deep as thou canst, I will give way unto you.  Timon. 
Come on then my good mattock, strengthen thyself for my sake, and be not tired with provoking treasure to show himself openly, out of the bowels of the earth: O miraculous Jupiter, and ye friendly Corybantes, and auspicious Mercury, how should so much gold come hither? or is all this but a dream? 
Proverb.  I doubt I shall find it to be but coals when I awake: nay certainly, this is pure gold, ruddy, weighty, and lovely to look upon? 
p Pindarus Olymp. 1.  O Gold, that deservest the best welcome mortal men are able to give thee, that glitterest as gloriously night and day, as the clear flaming fire: come to me sweet friend, and dearest love: well may I now believe that Jupiter sometime turned himself into a shower of gold: for what virgin would not with open arms embrace so beautiful a lover, falling into the room thorough the roof of the house? 
q The Cock. m ib. q.  O Midas, and Croesus, and ye 
r The Surveior. b  consecrated gifts of Delphos, how poor are you in respect of Timon and Timon's riches, to whom the Persian King is not to be compared: O my sweet mattock, and my dear pelt, I will consecrate you as an offering to 
s The shepherd's god. Timon's resolution.  Pan, I will purchase the whole confines of this country, and build a tower over my treasure big enough for myself alone to live in, and which I purpose shall be my sepulchre at my death: and for the remainder of my ensuing life. I will resolve upon these rules: to accompany no man, to take notice of no man, and to live in contempt of all men: the title of friend, or guest, or companion, or the altar of mercy, are but mere toys, not worth a straw to be talked of: to be sorry for him that weeps, or help him that wants, shall be a transgression and breach of our laws: I will eat alone as wolves do, & have but one friend in the world to bear me company, and that shall be Timon: all others shall be enemies and traitors, and to have speech with any of them, an absolute piacle: If I do but see a man, that day shall be dismal and accursed: I will make no difference between them and statues of stone and brass: I will admit no messenger from them, nor contract any truce with them, but so litarinesse shall be the main limit betwixt me and them: to be of the same tribe, the same fraternity, the same people, or the same country, shall be but poor, and unprofitable terms to be respected by none but fools, let Timon alone be rich, and live in despite of all other, let him revel alone by himself, fare from flattery, and odious commendations: let him sacrifice to the gods, and make good cheer alone, as a neighbour conjoined only to himself, discarding all other: and let it be further enacted, that it shall be lawful for him only to shake himself by the hand, that is, either when he is about to die, or to set a crown upon his head: and the welcomest name to him in the world is to be called Manhater: the notes and ensigns of his conditions, shall be austerity, cruelty, frowardness, anger and inhumanity: if thou see any man in the fire ready to be burnt, and he entreat to have it quenched, pour into it pitch and oil: if any man be driven down the stream in a flood, and shall stretch out his hands to thee for help, give him a knock on the pate, and send him to the bottom, that he may never be able to put up his head again: so shall they receive according to their desert. 
t He alludes here to the common form and manner of publishing statutes and decrees in those times: so doth he likewise before Necromant. x. and by and by again in the speech of Demeas.  Timon the son of Echecratides, the Colyttean, hath published this law: and the same Timon in parliament hath confirmed it: so it is: so have we decreed, and will constantly persist therein. Now it would do me good at the heart, to have all men take notice of mine abundant riches, for it would be as bad as a hanging to them to hear of it: but how comes this to pass? good god upon a sudden? how they come running in every way, as soon as they had recovered, I know not by what means, the sent of this gold? whether were it best for me to ascend this hill, and from the higher ground drive them away with stones, or dispense with mine own order for once, and enter conference with them to their greater vexation, when they shall see themselves despised? It shall be so: I will therefore receive them and tarry their coming: But let me see: Who is the foremost man of the company? who but 
y 
A common name for a parasite.  
The base condition of flatterers described.   Gnathonides the flatterer: whose benevolence I craved not long ago, and he held me out a halter, who had many times spewed whole tubfulls at my table, he hath done well in repairing hither so speedily, for he is the first that shall repent it.  Gnathonides. 
Have I not always said, that the gods would never be forgetful of Timon, so good a man? Hail Timon, the comeliest of all creatures, the most pleasing of all companions, and the flower of all good fellowship.  Timon. 
And thou Gnathonides, the most ravenous of all vultures, and the vilest of all men.  Gnathonides. 
O Sir, you always love to break jests upon your friends, but where shall we meet and sup together? I have brought you here a new song of the last edition which I have lately learned.  Timon. 
But I will first make thee sing a sorrowful Elegy under this Mattocke.  Gnathonides. 
What's the matter now? dost thou strike me Timon? bear witness, alas, alas: I warn the to appear at 
x Ariopaguses the court of Athens.  Mars his hill, upon an action of battery.  Timon. 
If thou tarry a little longer, thou shalt have cause to warn me upon an action of manslaughter.  Gnathonides. 
I will none of that: yet I pray you make me a plaster of gold to lay upon my wound: for I have heard it hath an excellent virtue in staunching blood.  Timon. 
Art thou here yet?  Gnathonides. 
Nay then I am gone, and little joy shall it be to thee, of so courteous a man, to become so cruel.  Timon. 
What bald-pated fellow is this that comes next? it is Philiades, the impurest parasite that ever lived: this knave had from me a whole Lordship, 
Another Parasite.  and two talents I gave his daughter to her marriage, because he once commended my singing: for when all the company beside were silent, he alone extolled me to the skies, and swore I had a sweeter voice than ever had swan: but when he saw me sickly a while ago, and that I came to him to crave his relief, the rascal fell a beating of me.  Philiades. 
O Impudency do you now acknowledge Timon? would Gnathonides now be his friend, & playfellow? wherefore his reward hath been righteous, in respect of his ingratitude: whereas I, that have been his old acquaintance, brought up with him from a child, and of the same tribe, do yet so moderate myself, that I may not seem to be an intruder. Hail noble Timon, and I beseech you free yourself from these base flatterers that come only to fill their bellies, and are indeed no better than cormorants. No man is to be trusted now adays: all are unthankful and wicked: I was bringing a talon along with me, to help to furnish you with necessaries: but being upon the way, I heard of wonderful riches that were come to your hands: whereupon, I made the cause of my visitation to be only to give you good counsel, though I know you are endued with such wisdom, that you needed not to be advised by me, but are able to tell 
y An ancient and wise Prince of the Grecians, who lived thrice the age of an ordinary man.  Nestor himself what he hath to do. Timon. It may be so, Philiades, but come a little nearer, that I may see, how well I can welcome you with this Mattocke.  Philiades. 
Help neighbours: this unthankful man hath broke my head, because I counselled him for his good.  Timon. 
Behold a third man, Demeas, the Rhetorician with a decree in his hand, who professeth himself to be one of our kindred: I paid to the city for this fellow, eleven talents in one day, which he was fined in, and committed until he should make payment: and for pity set him at liberty: yet the other day, when it was his lot to distribute 
z At the times of public plays or sacrifices, there was distributed a certain quantity of money to every citizen.  dole money among the Erechthean tribe, and I came to him to crave my share, he said he could not tell whetherd were a citizen.  Demeas. 
All hail, Timon, a bounteous benefactor towards your kindred, the bulwark of Athens, and the ornament of Greece, the people, and both the counsels are all assembled, expecting your coming long ago: but first, I pray you, 
Extreme flattery.  hearken to this decree, which I have penned down for you. 
a In imitation of the form as before.  For as much as Timon, the son of Echecratides, the Colyttean, a man not only honest and virtuous, but so wise and discreet withal, that his like again is not to be found in Greece) hath evermore sought the good of the city, and hath got the best prize at combating, wrestling, and running at the Olympian games in one day, beside the race chariot and coursing horses.  " Timon. 
Why man, I never went to see the Olympian" games, in all my life.  Demeas. 
What then? you may see them hereafter: and for such matters as these, it is better the mention of them should precede then follow. He also fought bravely of late in the quarrel of his country, against the Acharnens, and cut in pieces two companies of the Lacedæmonians.  Timon. 
What's that? I protest for my part, because I had no skill in arms, I was never yet enrolled into any military company.  Demeas. 
You speak to poorly of yourself: but we might be thought unthankful if we should not remember it: moreover: By publishing Decrees, by giving good counsel, and by good command in war, he hath procured no small benefit to the city: for all which considerations, be it enacted by the counsel and the people, and the highest court of the city, according to their tribes, and all the multitude in particular and general, that a golden statue shall be erected to Timon in the castle, and placed next to the image of Minerva, holding a thunderbolt in his right hand, and the sunbeams shining about his head, and he be crowned with seven crowns of gold, and this to be publicly proclaimed this day in the new tragedies of Bacchus: for the feasts of Bacchus are to be celebrated by him this day: this sentence is pronounced by Demeas the rhetorician, his kinsman in the nearest degree of blood, and his scholar beside, for Timon is also a good rhetorician, & good at every thing else whatsoever he will. This is the Decree that I have framed for you. Moreover, my purpose is to bring my son unto you shortly, and after your name to call him Timon.  Timon. 
How should that be, Demeas, when thou never hadst any wife that I ever heard of.  Demeas. 

The very imagination of inheriting Timon's wealth makes him build these castles in the air.  But I mean to be married, god willing the next year, and will beget a child, and the infant that shall be borne, for it must be a boy, I will have called Timon.  Timon. 
I know not whether it will be your fortune ever to come to marriage, friend mine, if this blow with my Mattocke do but fall aright.  Demeas. 
Alas, alas: what meanest thou by this? dost thou tyrannize, Timon, and beat freemen, that art no true freeman, 
The treasure of Athens was kept in the castle.  nor citizen thyself? but be sure of it, I will cry quittance winh thee out of hand one way or other: especially for burning the castle.  Timon. 
No such matter: for that thou seest stands unburnt, and therefore thou showest thyself a plain sycophant.  Demeas. 
But thou art rich, and hast broken in thorough the back door.  Timon. 
Neither is that broken up: and therefore thou art idle every way.  Demeas. 
But broken up it will be: and thou hast already got into thy hands all the riches that were within it.  Timon. 
Take one blow more for that.  Demeas? 
O my back: what shall I do?  Timon. 
Dost thou cry? I have yet a third blow to bestow upon thee if thou tarry, 
The Character of a pretender to Philosophy.  it would be a shame for me, that could cut in pieces two companies of the Lacedoemonians without arms and should not now be able to confound one withered fellow: in vain it was then, that I got the prize at Olympus, for wrestling and running: but who comes now? is it not Thrasycles the Philosopher? it can be no other: see how he strokes his beard at length, lifts up his eye brows, and comes muttering somewhat to himself, looking like a 
b This is often used by Lucian for a fierce and truculent aspect, as in Icaromenip. etc.  Titan, and the hair of his forehead cast back like some 
c The Northwind.  Boreas or 
d A Sea-god, and Neptune's trumpeter.  Triton pictured by 
e An excellent painter.  Zeuxis: this man that hath such a grave countenance, such a sober gate: and is so succinct in his apparel: he that in a morning will deliver you a thousand precepts for virtue, cry out upon them that are addicted to pleasure, and speak in praise of frugality, as soon as he hath bathed and come in to supper, and his boy filled him one full bowl (for he loves a cup of good wine with all his heart) as if he drunk of the water of Lethe, will pleasantly give an instance contrary to his forenoon speeches, strike at the meat like a kite at his prey, justle his next neighbour out of his place, slabber all his beard over with sauce, and cram in like any cur dog, hanging his head perpetually over the platters, as if he meant to find out virtue in the bottom of the dishes, and wipes them every one with his forefinger as clean as a cup, because he would not leave a drop of sauce behind him: he is as sure a card at his cup as at his meat, and will be as drunk as any ape, not only to the height of singing; and dancing, but till it make him brabble, and fall out: then will he pass many speeches over the pot, and talk of nothing else but temperance and sobriety, when he is alls-to-peece himself, and brings out his words so scurvily, that all the company laughs him to scorn: then falls he to spewing, until at the last some take him away, and carry him out of the room, though he catch hold upon some of the wenches as strongly as he can: but when he is at the best, he shall subscribe to no man for lying, and audaciousness, and covetousness: he is the prime of all parasites, and the easiest drawn to commit perjury: imposture leads the way with him, and impudency follows after: yet would he seem to be wholly made of wisdom, and every way forth absolute and perfect. I will make him smoke for it, as soon as he comes, for his goodness sake. What's the reason that Thrasycles hath been so slow in coming to visit me?  Thrasycles. 
I come not, Timon, with the same intent as other men do, which aim at thy riches, 
Gross dissimulation.  and run themselves out of breath in hope to get silver gold and good cheer by thee, expressing a great deal of flattery towards a man so honest and plain as thou art, and so ready to impart of any thing that is within thy power: as for me, you know a piece of barley bread will serve me to supper sufficiently, and no better victuals with it, than a salad of of time, and cresses, or if I list to exceed, a bit or two of powdered meat: my drink is no other but clear 
f The water of a fountain in Athens which hath 9 spouts, and is therefore called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: it is also called Callirrhoe. Pausan. 1.1.  fountain water, and this threadbare cassock I prefer before the richest purple you can desire: but for gold I have it in no more estimation, than the rubbish that lies upon the sea shore: for your sake it is that I am come hither, lest this mischievous and most deceitful possession of riches should corrupt you, which hath oftentimes been the cause of incurable mischiefs to many men: wherefore if you will be ruled by me, take it and cast it all into the sea as an unnecessary clog to a good man that is able to discern the riches of Philosophy: I mean not into the main sea, good Sir, 
By no means.  but that you would go into it as fare as a man is forked before the going forth of the tide, and suffer no man to see you but myself: or if you like not well of this take another course, which perhaps may do better: disburden yourself of it so soon as you can, leave not one halfpenny, but distribute it to all that stand in need: to one man, five drachmas, to another, a pound, to a third a talon: but if any Philosopher come in your way, you cannot upon your conscience, but give him twice or thrice as much as any other: for my part I crave nothing for myself: but to bestow upon my friends that are in want, and I shall hold myself well satisfied, 
An indifferent size for a scrip  if you will but fill me this satchel, which doth not altogether contain two bushels of Aegina measure: for a Philosopher ought to be content with a little, & observe the mean, and never stretch his thoughts wider than his scrip.  Timon. 
I commend thee Thrasycles, for this in faith: but before I deal with thy scrip, let me try whether I can fill thy head with blows and measure them out with my mattock.  Thrasycles. 

g Popular government.  O Democracie, and laws: I am beaten by a rebellious wretch in a free city.  Timon. 
Why dost thou complain, my honest Thrasycles? have I deceived thee in thy measure? I am sure I put in four quarts more than was thy due. But what's the matter of this? they come now tumbling in by heaps: there is Blepsias, and Laches, and Gniphon, and a whole rabble of such rascals as shall be sure to rue for it: I will therefore ascend this rock, and forbear the use of my mattock a while, which hath made me over weary, and lay as many stones as I can on heaps together, and dung amongst them as thick as hail.  Blepsias. 
You may save yourself that labour, Timon, for we will be going.  Timon. 
But I hope, not 
h The Greeks' called a victory gotten without blood 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: and the Latins, Incruenta victoria: for which, Ovation only was due to the Conqueror but not a Triumph. Lucian here allude: to this, bringing in Timon desirous to triumph over his enemies.  without blood or blows.   

LUCIAN, HIS FEAST, OR THE LAPITHS.  

What he touches upon else where by the by concerning the lives and manners of some pretenders to Philosophy, is here described to the full, in a meeting of theirs at a certain feast, where diverse of several sects and opinions fortuned to be, and falling out among themselves, most ridiculously betray their several infirmities.  I Hear there was much ado amongst you yesterday, Lucinus, at Aristoenetus house at supper, and that certain Philosophers made some speeches there, which begot so great a quarrel in the company, if Charinus told me true, that they grew at the last to blows, and could not conclude but in blood.  Lucinus. 
How came Charinus to have such knowledge in the matter Philo, and was not amongst us?  Philo. 
He had it, as he said, from Dionicus the physician, and Dionicus I suppose was one of them that was at supper with you.  Lucinus. 
True: but Dionicus was not there soon enough to know how it began: for he came late in, about the midst of the brabble, a little before they fell to blows, and therefore could not deliver any certainty, not knowing whereupon the quarrel grew, that it should proceed so fare, as to end in blood.  Philo. 
For which cause Charinus wished us to repair to you, Lucinus, if we desired to be fully informed in the whole carriage of the business, for that Dionicus told him, he was not there at the first: but that you knew all that was done to a hair, and remembered every word that was spoken, not carelessly suffering any thing to slip from you, but attentively noting it with all diligence: wherefore you shall not escape us, without sweetening our lips also with your dainty junkets, for to me, no banquet in the world can be more pleasing than your reports: and the rather because we may here feast together soberly and quietly out of danger of blows or bloodshed, whether they be old men or young, that shall so fare abuse themselves in drink, as to say or do they care not what.  Lucinus. 
Why Philo, do you think it fit, that matters of this nature should be communicated to all men, and every thing published that is done in wine and drunkenness? These kind of businesses ought rather to be committed to forgetfulness, and construed to be the works of the great god Bacchus, who will not suffer any of his Orgies to be curtailed or uncompleat: it is the property of ill conditioned persons strictly to examine that which ought rather to be suppressed in silence: and you know the Proverb: 
Odi memorem compotorem.  I hate a memorative companion: Neither hath Dionicus done well in making it known to Charinus, or in scattering abroad what passed among philosophical persons: and for my part I will not speak a word of it.  Philo. 
Do you make the matter strange Lucinus? betwixt you and me, it shall not be so, for I am sure of this, that you are in a greater longing to tell it, than I to hear it: and I do not think, but for want of auditors, you would be glad to creep to some pillar or statue of stone and there pour it all out with open mouth, if I should but offer to leave you, I know you would not suffer me to stir a foot from you until I had heard it all: but would come to me, follow after me, and entreat me to tarry it out, I will therefore be as strange to you as you to me, god speed you well, if you be so minded, we will be gone to hear it from some other, and not be beholding to you.  Lucinus. 
Nay, rather than you should take it ill, I will hazard the telling of it all, if you be desirous to hear it: but I would not have you make all the world acquainted with it.  Philo. 
Either I have forgot Lucinus, or you will be the apt man yourself to disperse such news as this, and therefore you need not to entreat me that: but tell me first: did Aristoenetus make that feast for the marriage of his son Zeno?  Lucinus. 
No, but he gave his daughter Cleanthis in marriage to a young student in Philosophy, the son of Eucritus the Usurer.  Philo. 
He is a pretty youth indeed, but a little too young, not yet ripe enough for marriage.  Lucinus. 
I know not where he could have matched her better: for he seems to be a well governed young man, and to have a good liking to learning: beside, he is the only child of Eucritus, who is a rich man, and therefore choice was made of him for a bridegroom before all others.  Philo. 
Eucritus riches had been motive sufficient to make up the match: but who were the guests Lucinus, that were bid to the feast?  Lucinus. 
I cannot tell you the names of them all, but for Philosophers and learned men, which I think you are most desirous to hear of, 
Philosophers invited to the feast.  there was old Zenothemis the Stoic, and with him came Diphilus, surnamed the Labyrinth, for he was tutor to Zeno, Aristoenetus son. Of the sect of the Peripatetikes, came Cleodemus: dost thou not know that fowle-mouthed fellow, that wrangler? his scholars call him the sword and dagger. There came also Hermo the Epicure, 
These two sects are directly opposite one to the other, the Stoics professing a strictness and austerity of life, the Epicure affirming pleasure to be the chief felicity.  who was no sooner within the door, but presently the Stoics began to look a sconce, and turned the one shoulder towards him, that all the company might perceive how bitterly they abhorred him, as if he had been some parricide or execrable person: these were invited as friends and anciently acquainted with Aristoenetus himself, and with them came Hestiaeus the Grammarian, and Dionysodorus the Rhetorician. And for the bridegroom Choereas' sake, Io the Platonist, was also invited, who was his tutor: ●… grave man, & of a comely personage, expressing a great deal of moderation in his countenance, he is commonly called by the name of Canon, because of the true direction of his judgement, when he came in, they all rose up, and saluted him as the better man, and the presence of the precious Io was as welcome to them, as if some god had appeared amongst them: It was now time to sit to mere, for almost all the guests were come: on the right hand as you enter the room, the women took up all the seats on that side, for they were many, and among them the bride, covered with a veil from top to toe, and environed round with a whole flock of females: right before the door sat the rest of the company, every man in his degree: over against the women: first sat Eucritus, and after him Aristoenetus: then the question was, who should sit next Zenothemis the Stoic, because he was an old man, or Hermo the Epicure, for he was the priest of Castor and Pollux, and one of the best gentlemen in the city: but Zenothemis had soon assoiled that doubt: for Aristoenetus, said he, if you think me to be no better a man than this fellow Hermo, who, to speak no worse of him, is one of Epecurus sect, I will be gone and leave all your feast to yourself, and with that calling his man, made as though he would departed: But Hermo answered, nay tarry, and take the better seat, good Zenothemis, though it had been good manners in you to have given place, if for no other respect, yet because I am a priest: speak of Epicurus as ill as you can: I scorn, said Zenothemis an Epicure priest and so sat him down, and next to him, for all that, sat Hermo: then Cleodemus the Peripatetic, then Io, and next to him the bridegroom, than myself, and after me Diphilus, and beneath him Zeno his scholar: then the Rhetorician Dionysodorus, and Hestiaeus the Grammarian.  Phili. 
Good god, Lucinus, call you this a feast? you may rather term it a school of many learned and discreet men: and I commend Aristoenetus, for inviting men of such wisdom to take part of his good cheer at such a joyful meeting, filling up his feast with the prime flo●…es of every sect, not making choice of one, and leaving out another, but coupling them all together for company.  Lucinus. 
Indeed, friend, many rich men use not that circumspection: but he hath been always inclined to learning, and hath spent the most part of his time in conversing with such: but to the matter: we did eat our meat in great quiet for a while, and plentiful provision was made for us: I need not rehearse the sundry sorts of broths, baked meats, and banqueting dishes that were prepared in abundance: but whilst we were busy at it, Cleodemus bowing his head to Io, see you not, said he yonder old fellow, meaning Zenothemis (for I overheard him) how fast he crammes it in, that all his coat is covered over with slabber, and what a deal of meat he hath given to his man that stands behind him, thinking no body looks upon him, nor remembering what company he is in? I pray you show it to Lucinus that he may be witness with us, but I needed no information from Io, for I saw it plain enough before. No sooner were these words out of Cleodemus mouth, but in comes Alcidamus the Cynic unsent for, and instead of some pleasing insinuation, bolted out this old worn proverb, 
Il. ●….  Menelaus comes though not invited: but all the company thought it an impudent part, and replied again with verses of the same stamp: 
Il. n. 109.  one said, thou art a fool Menelaus: 
Il. ●…. 29.  another, but Agamemnon Atreus son, was not well pleased with this, and other conceited jests fit for the occasion: but all with a low voice, for no man durst make him any open answer, they stood in such fear of Alcidamus, who was so notorious a brawler, that he would make more noise than all the Cynics beside, and for that gift was terrible to all men: but Aristoenetus bade him welcome, and wished him to take a stool and sit down by Hestiaeus, and Dionysodorus, which he refused, saying, it was a mere womanish devise to sit upon chairs and stools, or to feast as you do now, lying almost along upon a soft bed, and a purple coverlet spread under you: I mean to take my meat standing, and walk about at pleasure, if I be weary, I will spread my mantle on the floor, and there lie down opon one elbow, like the 
a Hercules is commonly so painted.  picture of Hercules: As it please you, said Aristoenotus, and so he began to traverse his ground, taking his supper like a 
b A wand'ring nation who kept no constant abode in any place.  Scythian, fleeting continually from place to place, to see where he could find best pasture: thus wandered he like a vagrant among the waiters that brought in meat, eating and prating all at once about vice and virtue, scoffing at gold and silver, and ask Aristoenetus what he would give for so many earthen pots of the same making, that should be of equal weight, but when he began to be troublesome, Aristoenetus stopped his mouth for a time, by commanding his man to fill him a great cup of wine up to the brim: this he thought he had done for the best: but little did he know how many mischiefs that bowl would bring after it: Alcidamus took it, and was silent for a while: but afterwards, casting himself upon the floor, as he before said he would do, lay along half naked upon his elbow, and held the pot in his right hand, as Hercules is painted drinking with 
c A Centaur, the son of Ixion, begotten on the cloud, which he embraced instead of Juno, who entertained Hercules as he went to Pirithous wedding.  Pholus: then the cup began to walk merrily among the rest of the company, there was drinking and talking of all hands, till lights were brought in. In the mean time I perceived the boy that waited upon Cleodemus, a pretty smirk youth, and a well faced cuppe-bearer, sometimes smile a little, (for I must tell you all, even the very appendancies to the feast, especially, if any thing were done that might move delight) I therefore watched as narrowly as I could, to find out what it was he smiled at: and not long after he came to take the cup from Cleodemus, who giving him a crush on the finger together with the cup, gave him, I think two pieces of silver: the boy, at the crush of his finger smiled again, but I imagine he was not ware of any money: for, receiving it not, the pieces fell down and clattered in the flower, whereat they both blushed exceedingly: yet they that ●…re next knew not whose money it was, the boy denying that he let fall any, and Cleodemus, near unto whom the noise was, would not acknowledge he cast any down: so it was let slip,, and nothing said of it: for there were not many that saw it, but only I think Aristoenetus: for within a while after, the boy was sent packing out of the room, and an old withered fellow, I think some muleteer, or horse keeper, commanded to wait in his place: thus the matter was hushed up, which would have been a great discredit to Cleodemus, if it should have been known openly, & not smothered, as Aristoenetus discreetly did, imputing it to much wine: but Alcidamus, the Cynic, who by this time had got a pot in his pate, when he had learned out the name of the bride, commanded silence with a loud voice, and turning himself towards the women: a health to thee, O Cleanthis, said he, and Hercules be thy good guide: and when all the company laughed at him, laugh you, said he, base scabs, because I drunk to the bride in the name of 
d The Cynics honoured Hercules above all other gods, whom they would likewise seem to imitate in their manner of life, going barefoot, wearing only a mantle about them, and a club in their hands.  our god Hercules? I would have you know this, if she pledge me not, she shall never be mother of such a son as I am, of firm strength, free mind, and able body: and with that shown his naked limbs so fare as was beyond all shame: whereat the company laughed again: but he rising up in rage, cast a crabbed countenance upon them, as if his fingers itched to have a bout with some of them, and no doubt some or other should have paid for't, if in the very nick, a huge tart had not been served in which drew his eyes that way, and made him grow more calm, and his anger well allayed: for he walked the round still the same way it went, and crammed in as fast as he could: by this time most of the company was drunk, and began to roar a pace: Dionysodorus made some speeches by fits, & was commended by the servants that stood behind: Hestiaeus the Grammarian spoke verses, making a mingle mangle of Pindarus, Hesiodus, and Anacreon, out of them all to patch up one absurd poem: and these verses were ever in his mouth prophesying what would succeed: their shields did clatter one against another: 
Il. 4.448.451.  and men's woeful cries, and joyful shouts were heard there both at once: Zenothemis read somewhat out of a little book which his man brought with him: but in the distance, as many times it happens, before the coming in of the second course, Aristoevetus unwilling to have that time lost without delight, called for his jester to come in, to say or do somewhat to make the company merry: and presently comes an ill-shapt fellow, with his head 
e jesters and mimics were in those times all of this cut.  shaved all over, except a few hairs that were left standing upright upon the top of his pate, who began to dance and show tricks, turning himself every way to appear the more ridiculous, huddling up many verses together which he pronounced in an Egyptian kind of dialect, and in the end he began to break jests upon the company, every man laughing at what was said, and took it all in good part, but when he thought to be as bold with Alcidamus, and called him the 
f The Cynics were so called from 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, a dog, because of their snarlings and currish humours: this properly signifies such a dog as we call a foisting cur.  little cur of Malta, he grew angry, being not well content with him before, because he saw he was pleasing to the company, and detaining them in beholding his sports: wherefore suddenly casting off his cassock, he challenged him to cuffs, which if he refused, he threatened to make him feel the weight of his cudgel: whereupon poor Satyrion, for so was the jester named, settled himself to buffets: and better sport in this world could not be made, than to see a Philosopher oppose himself against a jester, to strike and be stricken again by such a fellow as he: the company were some ashamed, and some laughed, until Alcidamus gave over in the plain field, quite beaten out of the pit by a poor fellow, put upon him of purpose, which made them all laugh hearty, & at that very instant Dionicus the Physician came in, a little after the combat: for he was constrained, as he said, 
A trick of a mad man.  to stay somewhat longer than he thought to have done, to give physic to Polyprepon the Musician, who was lately taken with a frenzy: and he told us a merry jest that befell him up on that occasion: for coming, as he said, into the room to him, not thinking to have found him in his fit, the sick man suddenly rose up, and locking the door upon him, drew his sword, and delivering his pipes into his hands, commanded him to play, and because he would not, began to beat him, holding a lash in his hands aloft over him: being in this extremity, he devised to put this trick upon him: he challenged him to play upon the pipe with him for a wager, which should be for a certain number of stripes, to be given him that did worst: and when he had played first, (but illfavouredly enough god knows) he delivered him the pipe, and took the lash into his own hands: and stepping suddenly to the sword, cast it out of the window into the open court, and calling in neighbours to break open the door, by that means escaped: then he shown the prints of the blows he had received, and some black and blue spots upon his face. This narration of Dionicus, was as pleasing as all the jesters merriments, and so he thrust in by Hestiaeus, and supped upon the remainder of that was left. And no doubt it was the providence of some god, that sent him so seasonably amongst us, to do good offices for the company in businesses that fell out afterwards: for suddenly in the midst amongst us all appeared a servant, sent, as he said, from Etoemocles the Stoic, with a little writing in his hand, which he told us his master commanded him to read publicly, that all the company might hear it, and then come back to him again: which when Aristoenetus had given way unto, he went nearer to the light, and there read it.  Philo. 
Was it any thing tending to the commendation of the bride, or some 
A marriage song.  Epithalamium, which are used to be made upon such occasion?  Lucinus. 
Indeed I had thought it had been some such matter, but it fell out otherwise, for the contents of the writings were these. Etoemocles the Philosopher, to Aristoenetus: How I stand affected to feasting, the whole course of my forepassed life, can give large testimony: for though I am daily invited by many, far richer men than yourself, yet can I by no means endure to be drawn unto it, knowing how subject such meetings are to disorders & drunkenness: but you are the man, above all others, 
An impudent and foolish letter of a grave Philosopher.  I have most reason to complain me of, whom I have so long observed, with all careful diligence, and now not thought worthy to be numbered amongst your other friends, but the only man that could have no part with you, though dwelling so near a neighbour to you, which makes my grief the greater, that you should show yourself so unkind: I repose felicity, neither in the limb of a wild boar, nor in the leg of a hare, nor in a piece of a marchpane: I can have all this plentifully from others, that are not to learn their duty: for I was this day invited to supper by my scholar Pammenes, where I should have fared richly: but, like a fool, I reserved myself for you, and you have utterly pretermitted me, & imparted your good cheer to others: very good: for you are not able to discern the better from the worse, nor have yet attained the apprehensive faculty: but I know who are the men that have wrought me this, it proceeds all from your rare Philosophers, Zenothemis & the Labyrinth, whose mouths, without envy be it spoken, I am persuaded I could quickly stop with one poor syllogism: let any of them tell me, if they can, what Philosophy is, or the first elements of learning: the difference betwixt a strong disposition and a habit, or, not to speak of more difficult points, what is 
h A dilemma.  a horned reason, what a Sorites, what a collective argument: but much good may it do you with them: I that hold only goodness to be happiness, can easily digest these indignities. And to cut of all excuse, you may fortune hereafter to fly unto, as to say, you had forgot me among so great a multitude, or that you had so many matters in your head, [I tell you, I spoke to you twice this day: first in the morning at your house, and afterwards, when you were sacrificing to Castor and Pollux, if you think it much I should take offence for losing a feast, do but remember 
i King of Calydonia.  Oeneus, and you shall see how angry Diana was, because he omitted her alone from being a guest at his sacrifice, and feasted all the gods beside: Homer speaks of it in this manner: 


Il. 1.533.  Either he forgot, or not regarded,  
Which great neglect was wrathfully rewarded,  
and Euripides,   

Calydonia is a part of Pelops country found  
By sea right opposite to us, a fertile happy ground: And Sophocles,   

A monstrous 
k This boar was afterwards slain by Meleager and his company. Ovid. Met. 8.  swine was into Oeneus land  
Sent in revenge, by great Diana's hand.   These few verses, out of many, have I produced, that you may know, what a man you have relinquished to entertain Diphilus, and committed your son to his tuition: very good: indeed he is sweet and loving to the young man, and couples with him for affection sake: but if it were not a shame for me to deliver such filthy matter, I could tell you more, which you may learn if you will from Zopyrus, his schoolmaster: for it is true: but I have no desire to be troublesome at your marriage feast, nor to accuse others of crimes so abominable: though Diphilus have been thought worthy to deprive me of two scholars, yet for Philosopher's sake, I will be silent. My servant I have commanded, that if you should offer him any part of your wild boar, or of your venison, or of your banqueting dishes, in way of excuse for my not being at supper with you, that he should not receive it, lest he might be thought to be sent for that purpose. Whilst this letter was reading, I protest unto you, good friend, that the sweat ran down my face for very shame, and I wished that even the earth would open and swallow me up, 
There wants not such in these times.  when I saw how the company laughed at every word they heard, especially such as knew Etoemocles to be-a grey headed man, and to carry such a show of gravity: and I mused how he could conceal himself, being such a one, and cozen others only with the length of his beard, and his formal countenance: but as fare as I could gather, Aristoenetus left him out, not as careless, but doubtful lest he would not come at him if he were invited, nor expose himself to such a man, where he thought best not to tempt him at all: when the servant had done reading, all the guests cast their eyes upon Zeno, and Diphilus, to see how pitiful and pale they looked upon it, their very countenance bewraying the guilt of the crime that Etoemocles, laid to their charge, which much troubled Aristoenetus, and filled him with vexation: notwithstanding, he wished us to drink and be merry, setting as good a face as he could upon the matter, and with a little smile, sent away the servant, saying, he would be careful to look to such matters: soon after, Zeno conveied himself closely from the table, his schoolmaster beckoning to him to be gone, because it was his father's will. But Cleodemus, who had long looked for some occasion to be doing with the Stoics, and was even mad with himself that no opportunity was offered, had now good hold given him by this Epistle. These are, said he, the rare works of the excellent 
l Chief founders of the sect of the Stoics.  Chrysippus, admired Zeno, & famous Cleanthes, miserable poor stuff, bare questions only, and seeming philosophy: for any matter else, the most of them are but such as Etoemocles, whose Epistles you see how well they become a man of his years, concluding Aristoenetus to be Oeneus, and Etoemocles Diana: a proper piece of work, and well becoming a marriage feast: but Hermo (who sat next above him, and I think had heard of a wild swine that was dressed for Aristoenetus supper, & therefore thought the Calydonian boar might be opportunely remembered) I beseech you Aristoenetus, said he, send him the first cutting, lest the old man should pine for hunger, & consume away as did 
m The son of Oeneus and Althaea, who having slain with the help of his companions, the monstrous boar sent by Diana, which miserably wasted his father's country, gave the head of it to Atalanta the daughter of Jasius King of the Argives, she being the first that had drawn blood of him: which Plexippus and Toxeus his uncle by the mother's side greatly stomaking, would have taken it from her, but he opposing himself against them slew them both, for which cause his mother threw the fatal brand, by which the destinies had proportioned the length of his life into the fire, and so as that consumed he wasted away and died. Ovid. Met. 8.  Meleager: though it be all one to him, for Chrysippus holds all these things to be indifferent. And dare you mention the name of Chrysippus, said Zenothemis (rousing up himself, and roaring it out as loud as he could) and by the absurdity of one only man, I mean that unworthy Philosopher, Etoemooles the sorcerer, conclude against Cleanthes, and Zeno, men of such profound wisdom? what are ye yourselves that you censure so audaciously of others? didst not thou Hermo clip of the hair that was upon the heads of 
n 
The Dioscuri brothers to Helena.  
The Cock. a Bravely done of Philosophers.   Castor and Pollux, which was all of gold, and for that fact delivered to the tormenter to be punished? and didst not thou Cleodemus, abuse the wife of Sostratus thy scholar and being taken in the manner, didst, suffer shamefully for it? cannot you keep silence of others, that know so much by yourselves? but I was never bawd to my own wife, said Cleodemus, as thou art: nor ever took any new scholar's exhibition into my hands as a pawn, and forswear it when I had done: nor set out money to loan for four groats interest, nor persecute my scholars, if they paid me not at their day: but thou canst not deny, said Zenothemis, that thou sold'st Crito a drench to poison his father withal: and taking up the bowl to drink, cast all he left in it between them, almost half a cup: whereof Io had part for neighbourhood sake, and well worthy of it: but Hermo stooping forwards, vviped the wine of his pate, showing all the company how he was abssed: Cleodemus for want of a cup, to answer him the like, spit in Zenothemis face, and laying hold on his beard with his left hand, was about to give him a box on the ear, which sure would have killed the old man, if Aristoenetus had not held his hand, and stepping in beyond Zenothemis, set himself between them to divide them, by his interposition to make them keep the peace: 
There is good use to be made of other men's ill actions.  while this business was in hand, many cogitations came into my head: first, that to know learning was to little purpose unless a man did frame his life the better thereby: seeing now, men that were so excellent at speaking, 
None show themselves in passion so ridiculous as they that pretend most wisdom and greatest gravity.  show themseselves so ridiculous in their actions: next, I began to doubt, lest the common saying should be true indeed, that learning brings them out of their right minds, who apply themselves only to their books, and perpetually ponder upon them: for among so many philosophers as were there, a man could hardly cast his eye upon any that were free from taxation, but some were filthy in their actions, other more filthy in their speeches: neither could it be imputed all to drunkenness, considering what Etoemocles a fasting man had written: but all was turned the clean contrary way: The vulgar, eat their meat orderly not seen either to exceed in drink, or to behave themselves unmannerly: only, they laughed, and could not choose, I think, but censure them, whom they before admired as men of worth, in respect of their habit: but the wise men were passed all shame: they railed, and were drunk, and scolded, and went together by the ears: as for the admirable Alcidamus, he shown himself so shameless a knave, as to piss in the midst among them, without reverence of the women. And certainly a man could not liken this feast to any thing better, then to that which the Poets speak of the goddess 
o The goddess of contention.  Eris: for she being not invited to 
p The father of Achilles, upon the golden apple was this inscription, let it be given to the fairest which Paris judged to be Venus, for which she bestowed upon him Helena, which was the occasion of the Trojan war.  Peleus' wedding, cast an apple into the room amongst them, which occasioned all the stir that was at Troy: in like manner, Etoemocles cast his epistle into the company instead of an apple, to work such another mischief as the Trojan war: for Zenothemis, and Cleodemus would never give over brawling, though Aristoenetus sat between them. It is enough said Cleodemus, for this time, that you are proved to be unlearned persons: to morrow I will revenge myself in such manner as it should be: for answer me, Zenothemis, if thou canst, thyself, or the doughty Diphilus, in what respect you say the possession of riches is a thing indifferent, and yet care for nothing so much as to get more: this makes you intrude yourselves among the rich, to become usurers, and set forth money to loan, and to teach young men for money: again you hate pleasure, and exclaim against Epicures, and yet do, and suffer all manner of filthiness for pleasures sake: if a man invite you not to his feast, you will take pepper in the nose, if you be invited, you will gorge yourselves and cram in till your guts do crack, beside what you give away to your servants: and with that word, he snatched at the napkin which Zenothemis man had about him, (for it was full of all sorts of good flesh) which he would have loosed, and cast them all into the float, but the fellow held hard, and would not let it go: well done, Cleodemus, said Hermo: let them tell me now, why they cry out against pleasure, and yet strive for it more than any other? no, said Zenothemis, but do thou tell me Cleodemus, in what respect thou holdest riches to be not indifferent: no said he, but answer thou me, and thus they were at it a great while, till Io stepped forth and said, I pray you be silent, & I will propose a fit argument to be handled at this present, only, you shall speak your minds every man without contending, and listen, as if you were busy at disputation in the presence of our Plato. All that were present praised him for this: especially Aristoenetus and Eucritus hoping now to be freed from their vexation, insomuch that Aristoenetus shifted into his own place again, expecting nothing but peace: then came in that service, which is called, the 
q With us the second course.  accomplishing of the feast, which was to every man a fowl, a piece of the boars flesh, a share, a fish fried, and sugar cakes: eat what they would, and the rest they might carry away: yet every man had not a private platter to himself, for Aristoenetus and Eucritus had but one dish in common betwixt them, and either of them was to take that for his part which was next to him: in like manner another dish was in common between Zenothemis the Stoic and Hermo the Epicure: the next in order were Cleodemus, and Io, after them the bridegroom, and myself, and then Diphilus, who had two parts set before him, for Zeno his scholar, that should have been his partner, was risen from the table, remember this good Philo for much matter depends upon it.  Philo. 
I will not forget it I warrant you:  Lucinus. 
Then said Io: the first speaker shall be myself, 
The speech of Io the Platonist.  if it please you: then pausing a little: it were most seemly for me, said he, in the presence of such men, to speak of Ideas, and incorporalities, and the immortality of the soul, but because I would not be oppugned by Philosophers which hold otherwise, I will forbear, and speak my mind of marriage: for I hold it the best course not to marry at all, but to be ruled by 
r See true Hist. l. 2. b. & e. Spoke like a Platonist.  Plato and Socrates, and bestow our love upon boys: for such are the only men that attain the perfection of virtue: but if marry we must, let us take Plato's course in that, and have our wives in common, for so shall jealausie be avoided: They all burst out in laughter at this, as spoken in a season most unseasonable: for Dionysodorus said to him for shame give over this rustical and barbarous speech where can we find jealousy now, or in whom? are you a prating you rogue, 
s Th' 〈…〉 marians ri●…us stuff.  said the other? and I think Dionysodorus paid him in the same coin again. But honest Hestiaeus the Grammarian, peace, said he, and I will read an 
* 
This Epithalamium in the original is in verse, which for the meanness of the Greek poetry, the translator, I believe thought not worthy to be put into the like in English, yet for the reader's satisfaction, I have endeavoured to make it express the rudeness of the Greek as near as I can.  
Divine Cleanthis choicely like a Queen  
Bred in her father's fair house such is seen,  
All other virgin: she doth fare excel  
And from the Moon or Venus bears the bell.  
And bridegroom hail of young men best in truth  
Stronger than Nercus, or Thetis youth.  
And we will often chant this bridal song  
Unto you, that doth to you both belong.   Epithalamium amongst you: and so began to read his elegy, which was this, as I remember: Such is the daughter of Aristoenetus, divine Cleanthis, curiously brought up in his house, as a Queen, the prime of all virgins, surpassing Venus or the moon: and hail bridegroom the worthiest of all worthies, more puissant than Nereus and Thetis son: this bridal song shall often be chanted over in praise of you both: At this they were all ready to burst, as good reason they had: but now the time was come to take away what was set on the table: so Aristoenetus and Eucritus took either of them what was before them: so did I and the bridegroom what was set before him, & Io and Cleodemus in like manner: but Diphilus would have had also what was set before Zeno who was gone, contesting that they were set only to him, and strave with the waiters, who held it fast from him: and taking hold of the bird dragged and drawed it, like the dead 
s Who fight in Achilles' armour was slain by Hector, and a bloody battle ensued between the Grecians and Trojans which should have his body.  body of Patroclus: but in the end he proved too weak, and let his hold go, which stirred much more laughter among the guests, and most of all to see in how ill part he took it, as if he had been wronged in the highest degree: likewise Hermo and Zenothemis sat together, as I before told you: Zenothemis above and the other next to him, and all viands were set between them in an equal proportion, which they parted peaceably: only the fowl that was before Hermo, was the fatter, which I think was mere chance, and these they were to take away, either of them his own: but then Zenothemis, (now, Philo, let me entreat your diligent attention for we draw near to the best part of the pageant) Zenothemis I say, overskipping that which belonged to himself, would have taken that away which was set to Hermo (for as I told you, it was the better fed) and Hermo laid hands on it to keep it, and would not suffer him to have any other than what was due to him: then there was an outcry between them, and they fell together by the ears, beating the birds about one another's face, and either of them catching hold upon the others beard, called for help Hermo for Cleodemus: and Zenothemis for Alcidamus and Diphilus: and all took parts, some with the one, and some with the other, only Io excepted, who reserved himself indifferent between them: the rest all fought grappled together pellmell: but Zenothemis, taking a bowl from off the table, that stood before Aristoenetus, fling it at Hermo, but missed of his mark, and fell upon another, for it hit the bridegroom a cruel blow on the head, and broke his pate pitifully: then the women shrieked and thrust in between them, especially the mother of the young man, when she saw the blood run about her son's ears: the bride also leapt off the seat where she sat. But Alcidamus all this while played the devil in taking Zenothemis part, and with his staff broke Cleodemus head, and gave Hermo a soar blow on the jaw bone, and wounded some of the servants that came to help them: yet for all that, the other side would not give it over so, but Cleodemus with the point of his finger, tore one of Zenothemis eyes, and closing with him, bit of his nose: and as Diphilus was coming to aid Zenothemis, Hermo fling him of his stool to the ground with his head forwards: Hestiaeus the Grammarian caught a blow amongst them too, for Cleodemus, I think, gave him a kick in the mouth, mistaking him for Diphilus: and there lay the poor fellow, as Homer saith, spewing up his blood, all was full of tumult and tears: the women howled out pitifully compassing Choerea, but the most kept themselves out of the shrape: for Alcidamus did more mischief than all the rest, laying about him on every side, and striking he cared not who, and many more I am sure had fallen if his staff had held: but I standing up against the wall, durst not for my life once come among them, for Hestiaeus had showed me a precedent, how dangerous it was to part such a business. A man would have thought he had seen the 
t 
At the wedding of Pirithus and Hippodamia, Ovid. Met.  
Which gives the title to the Dialogue.   Lapiths and the Centaurs together by the ears: tables were overturned, blood run down, and bowls fling about: but at the last Alcidamus strake out the light, and we were all in darkness, and fare worse than we were before: for another light could hardly be brought in amongst us, so that many mischiefs were done in the dark. In the end when a light came in, though it were long first, Alcidamus was found lifting at a wench's , and would have ravished her in the dark whether she would or no: Dionysodorus also was taken in the manner with another trick: for rising up from the place where he sat, a silver bowl fell out of his bosom: but he excused the matter and said, that Io took it up in the tumult, and gave it him to keep lest it should be lost: and Io, to save his honesty, affirmed it to be so: Thus was the feast broken up in tears: and some again laughed as fast at Alcidamus, Dionysodorus, and Io: the wounded men were fain to be carried out of the room, in ill case, especially old Zenothemis, who took grievously the loss of his eyes and his nose, and cried out that he was almost dead with pain: 
The Stoics 〈…〉 things to be indifferent which are not in our own power.  then Hermo thought his own case were bad enough for two of his teeth were stricken out, yet could not choose but upbraid him, saying, remember now Zenothemis, that henceforth you never hold pain to be a thing indifferent. The bridegroom after Dionicus had laid a plaster to his wound, was led into the house, and when they had bound up his head close with linen clothes, they put him into the coach which came from the bride and carried him away: a woeful wedding day poor wretch to him. Others, Dionicus looked unto us as well as he could, and when they were fall'n asleep, the rest were had home, most of them spewing all the way they went: but Alcidamus tarried there still 〈◊〉 for all the house were not able to get him out of doors: when he had once cast himself overthwart the bed and so fell asleep: this was the end of our feast, honest Philo, whereunto the tragic verses may be well applied: 

Eurip ●…oe●… & And Andromad fin.  Fortune varies every way,  
And God can that effect  
We think not of, and make us fail  
Of what we do expect.  for I'll be sworn, I little thought of such a business as this, but I have got this for my learning, that it is no safe course for quiet men to feast with Philosophers.  
FINIS.