THE PURSVIT OF THE HISTORY OF LAZARILLO DE TORMEZ. GATHERED OUT of the Ancient Chronicles of Toledo. By JEAN DE LUNA, a Castilian. And now done into English, and set forth by the same Author.  
LONDON, Printed by Bernard Alsop for Thomas Walkley and are to be sold at his shop at the Eagle and Child in Britain's Burse. 1622.   

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE, JAMES, Lord STRANGE, Mr ROBERT STANLEY, And The Lady ANNE CAR.  
The Hopeful Issue of the Truly Noble William, Earl of Derby, and his virtuous Countess Elizabeth, a fruitful Branch of the Ancient and Illustrious House of OXFORD.  
T. W. in humble acknowledgement of his Duty and Service to their Parents, themselves, and both the Families, from whence they are derived.  
Dedicateth this strangely recovered Continuation of the pleasant History of LAZARILLO DE TORMEZ.   

CARTA DEDICATORIA. ALL ILLUSTRISSIMO y excellentissimo Senor Don Roberto Car de Ancram, Cavallero titulado, y de la Camara Privada, gran Tesorero de cosas extra ordinarias de su Alteça el Principe de Galls.  
Illustrissimo y excelentissimo Senor:  
DOs cosas me han movido a dedicar a vu Senoria esta obra: la una y mas principal es, para mostrar en algo la voluntad que tengo de servingman a quien por tantos titulos lo merece, y a quien estoy tan obligado. La otra para arrimar all pobre Lazaro a la sombra, y amparo de quien con su autoridad le defienda, con su virtud lo adorn, y con su saviduria lo califique. Las verdades desnudas y sin reboço que este libro dize, le han hecho pasar por el fuego, para que acrisolado llegasse a las manos de vu Senoria. He lo hecho traducir en Ingles, fiel, y literalment, para que se manifieste so inocencia, y vea que en el no ay cosa que pace los limites de una honesta, licita y loable recreation: ants es una centinela que descubre de lexos los enemigos, y muestra los tropieços y barrancos, en que los inorantes' por falta de advertencia caen, y tropieçan. Suplico a vu Sennoria le reciva con su clemencia, y bondad acostumbrada, no echando a atrevimiento, lo que ha' nacido del deseo que tengo de emplear mi vida, y fuerças, en seruicio de quien soy el mas humilde, y obedient de sus criadoes.  
I. DE LUNA.   

THE AUTHOR to the Reader.  
THe occasion (gentle Reader) of Printing the Second Part of Lazarillo de Tormes hath been, that there came to my hands a little Pamphlet, which treats of his Life, without any likelihood of truth. The greatest part of it is stuffed, with telling how Lazaro fell into the Sea, where he was turned into a Fish called a Tunny, and lived there many years, marrying with a she Tunny, by whom he had Children, as much Fishes as the Father and Mother. It relateth also the Wars that the Tunnies made, Lazaro being their Captain, and many other Tales, as ridiculous as false, and as ill grounded as foolish. And questionless, the Author of it had a mind to utter some foolish Dream, or some dreamt folly. That Book (I say) hath been the first motive, that hath moved me to bring to light this second Part, word for word, without adding or diminishing, as I have seen it written in certain Scrolls kept in the Treasury of Records of the Beggars of Toledo, and as I have heard it a hundred times told by my Grandmother, and Aunts, by the Fires side in the Winter nights, and with the which my Nurse hath weaned me. For the better confirmation, I remember how they and others of our neighbours would dispute, How it could be possible that Lazaro could be so long under water (as is said in this second Part) without drowning? Some held pro, and the others, con. The first quoted Lazaro himself; who said, That the Water could not get into him, by reason that he was filled and crammed up to the very mouth. A good old man, well skilled in swimming, to prove that to be an easy matter, interposed his authority, affirming, That he had seen a man, who going to swim in the river Tagus, dived under Water, and remained in certain Caves from Sunset until next morning, that by the Sunshine he did find the way out: and when as his Parents and Friends were weary of bewailing and seeking his Body, to give it burial, he came forth safe and sound. The other difficulty that they found in his life, was, That no body did take Lazaro for a man, and that as many as saw him, should take him for Fish. To this answered a good Canon (who by reason that he was very old, did commonly sit in the Sun among the Distaffe-Spinsters) That it was most likely of all, as agreeing with the opinion of many ancient and modern Writers, as among others, Pliny, Aelian, Aristotle, Albertus Magnus, who affirm, That there are certain Fishes in the Sea, the Males they call Titons, & the Females Nereids, and all of them Seamen, who from the Girdle upward have the shape of perfect Men, and from thence downward of Fishes. And I say, that although that opinion had not been defended by so well approved Authors; yet the Licence that the Fishermen had from the Lords Inquisitors, might suffice to excuse the Spanish ignorance, seeing it had been a case of Inquisition to have doubted of a matter which their Lordships had consented should be shown for such. And to this purpose (though out of my compass) I will relate an accident that befell a labouring man of my Country: which was, That one of the Inquisitors having sent for him, to beg some of his Pears of him, which he had heard were excellent; the poor Clown not knowing why his Lordship should send for him, was so skared, that he fell sick upon it, till that by the means of a friend of his he understood the business: And then presently starting from his Bed, he ran into his Garden, plucked up the Tree by the root, and presently sent it with the Fruit, saying, he would not keep in his house an occasion for their Lordships to send for him another time; so great is the fear that not only labouring men, and the base sort of people, but even the Lords and Grands have of them. All of them tremble when they hear these words, Inquisitor, and Inquisition, more than the Leaves upon the Tree with the gentle Zephyrus. This is that which I have been willing to warn the Reader of that he may be the readier to answer, when such Questions shall be propounded in his presence. If he accept this Second Part, let him expect the Third, with the Death and Testament of Lazarillo; which is the best of all: If not, he may at least receive my good will. Farewell.   

THE PURSVIT OF THE HISTORY OF LAZARILLODE TORMES: Gathered out of the ancient Chronicles of Toledo.  

CHAP. I. In the which, Lazaro telleth how he parted from Toledo, to go to the Wars of Algiers.  
WHo hath the best, & worst doth love; must not be grieved if worst he prove. I speak it to this purpose, that I neither could nor would contain myself in that good course which Fortune had offered me: Change being in me as an inseparable accident, that accompanied me as well in my best and plenteous, as in my worst and disastrous fortunes; enjoying then the happiest life that ever Patriarch did, eating like an invited Friar, drinking more than at a gossiping, better clothed then a jesuite, and with two round dozen of Rials in my Purse, surer than any Huckster of Madrid; my House full, as a Beehive; a daughter got in Capricorn; and an Office, which the Dog-whipper of the Cathedral Church of Toledo might well have envied: News came of the Expedition for Algiers, which disquieted me very much, & made me determine (as a good son) to follow the steps and track of my good father Thomas Gonzales (whom God absolve) with a desire to leave to poster ages a pattern & example, not to lead a crafty blind man, pick the Loaf of a covetous Priest, serve a needy threadbare Squire, and lastly, to proclaim the faults of other men: but to open the eyes of Moors, blinded with errors; to sink and batter the bold and pyratical Navy; to serve a valiant Captain, of the Order of S. john; with whom I placed myself Butler, upon this condition, That whatsoever I should get in war, should be mine own, as it was; and lastly, the pattern and example that I meant to leave, was, to encourage & animate, in crying S. james, and, Stand to it Spain. I took leave of my well-beloved wife and of my dear daughter: The one entreated me not to forget to bring her a little Blackamoor; the other desired me to be mindful to send her by the first Carrier a Slave, to wait upon her, & some Barbary Cecchines, with which she might comfort herself in my absence. I asked leave of the Archpriest my Master, to whose care and custody I committed both my Wife, and Daughter, who promised me to deal with them in no worse manner, then if they had been his own. I parted from Toledo jovial, stately, and content (as all are that go to the Wars) puffed up with glorious hopes, accompanied with a great number of friends, and neighbours, that went the same Voyage, carried with a desire of bettering their fortune. We came to Murcia, with intention to go ship ourselves at Cartagena: where, there befell me that which I little wished, to make me know, that Fortune, who had set me on the top of her unconstant Wheel, and advanced me to the highest degree of earthly felicity, began already (in her swift course) to hurl me down headlong to the lowest. The chance was, that coming to our Lodgings, I saw a semy-man, who seemed rather a he Goat, by reason of his ragged and tottered Garments: his Hat was pulled down over his eyes, so that I could by no means see his face; he leaned his cheek upon his hand, and had his leg cross over his Sword, which he wore in a half Scabbard made of Lists: his Hat (right Beggar's Block) had no crown, the better to evaporate the humours of his head: his Doublet was of the French fashion, so cut and slashed with wearing, as there was not a piece left big enough, to wrap up half a frathing worth of Cummin Seed in: his Shirt was of flesh, which might be seen through the Grate of his Garment; his Breeches were suitable: his Stockings, the one red, the other green, came scarce to his Ankles; his Shoes without Soles, were as good to be drawn as carried. By a Cock's Feather which he wore in his Hat, I thought he should be a Soldier; With this imagination, I asked him from whence he was, and whither he went? He casting up his eyes, to see who he was that questioned him, strait knew me, and likewise I him; it was the Squire whom I had served in Toledo: I was astonished to see him in such a pickle. He observing my amazement, said to me; I marvel not (friend Lazaro) if thou dost wonder to see me in this Equipage: but anon thou shalt leave wondering, when I have told thee what hath happened unto me, since the time that I left thee in Toledo until now. Returning to my Lodging, with the change of my Pistolet to discharge my Creditors, I met with a Woman, close wrapped up in her Veil; who pulling me by the Cloak, with tears, and sighs, mingled with sobs, entreated me earnestly to be favourable unto her, in an urgent necessity. I bade her speak her grief, which she should be longer in telling, than I in helping. She continuing her weeping, with a maidenly shamefastness said, That the courtesy which I was to do her, and whereof she was to request me, was, to accompany her unto Madrid, where she was told, that a Gentleman was, who not content to have dishonoured her, had also rob her of all her jewels, without any regard to the promise of Marriage which he had given her; and that if I would do this for her, she would do for me what a thankful woman is obliged to do. I comforted her after the best manner that I could; giving her this hope, that if her enemy were to be found in the World, she might hold herself already revenged. To conclude, without any delay we set forward towards the Court, whitherto I bore all the charges. The good Damsel (that knew well whither she went) carried me to a Band of Soldiers, who received her with all cheerfulness, and brought her before the Captain, to have her enroled for one of their Cockatrices: Then turning herself towards me, with a shameless and brazen countenance she said, Farewell Master Lubber, I have now no more need of you. I seeing myself thus gulled, began to rage and foam at my mouth, telling her, that if she had been a man, as well as she was a woman, I would have pulled her Soul up by the roots out of her Body. A petty Soldier among the rest rose up to me, and laying his hand upon my face, made me advance a Baboons Snowt; not daring to give me a box on the ear; which if he had, his Grave might have been digged in the same place. When I saw the matter grow worse and worse, Mum said I, and went my way a little faster than ordinary, to try if some tall fellow or other durst have followed me, that we might have cut one another's throat; for had I encountered with any of the base stamp, and had killed him (as without doubt I had) what honour or what credit had I gotten? But if the Captain had come forth, or some Swashbuckler, I would have given him more slashes than there is Sand in the Sea. When I perceived that none durst follow me, I went away very well pleased. After that, I sought for a Service, and because I could not find such a one as I deserve, I am as thou seest me. The troth is, that I might have been Butler or Usher to five or six Botcher-wives; Offices, that though I were ready to starve, I would not accept of. Finally, my good Master said, that because he could not meet with certain Merchants of his Country, who would have lent him Money, he was without it, and knew not whither to go that Night. I, that strait smelled his meaning, invited him to the half of my Bed, and Supper; which offer he willingly accepted. As we went to Bed, I desired him not to lay his Clothes upon it, because it was too little for so much company. The next morning, thinking to rise without any noise, I reached my hand to my Clothes, but I found Blancko; for the Slave had stolen them, and was gone away with them. I thought verily I should have died in my Bed for sorrow: and it had been fare better for me, for than had I escaped the many deaths, which since I have suffered. I begun to cry as loud as I could, Thiefs, Thiefs; which those of the house hearing, came up, and found me as a Swimmer new come out of the Water, seeking in every corner of the Chamber something to cover me. They all fell a laughing, as if they had been mad, and I a swearing, like a Carman. I gave to the Devil that Thief, and bragging Cheater, who half the night long had kept me awake, with telling me the greatness of his person, and kindred. All the remedy that for that time I could find (no body helping me with a better) was to try, if the Garments of that said Braggadocio could fit me, till God had sent me some others. But it was a Labyrinth; they had neither beginning, nor ending: there was no difference betwixt Breeches, and jerkin. I thrust my Legs into the Sleeves, and wore the Breeches for a Doublet; not forgetting the Stockings, which seemed to be some Chandler's drawing Sleeves: the Shoes were like Shackles about my Legs, because they wanted Soles. I blocked on the Hat, the Crown downward, because it was less greasy. And as for the troops that traveled over me on foot and horseback, I let them pass. In this Habit went I to my Master, who had sent to call me; who wondering to see such a skare-Crow, fell into such a laughter, that his backe-strings slackening, he could hold no longer, but made flush; the which (for his credit) it is fitting one's tongue should pass over with silence. After a thousand stops, he asked me the reason of this Disguise; I told it him: And thereupon, in stead of taking pity of me, he chid me, and turned me out of doors, saying, That as than I had brought that man into my Bed; so another time, I would do the like with some other, that would rob him.   

CHAP. II. How Lazaro took shipping at Cartagena.  
I Always have had a gift, not to stay long with one Master; no more did I with this, though not by my fault. I saw myself forsaken, alone, and distressed; in such plight, as every one would thrust me from him, gibing and laughing at me. One would tell me, That Hat with a Backdoor, is not much amiss; it looks like a Dutch-womans' Cap: Another would say, That Doublet is of the Fashion, it is like a Hogge-stie; and the rather, seeing your Worship is in it: they run so thick, that he might kill them, and send them salted to the good Lady his Wife. A Snap-sacke-bearer said to me, Fore God Sir Lazaro, those Stockings make you a very good Calf. Every one did so scoff and flout me, that I was in mind to return home again, but that I thought, that there would be but poor Wars, if I should not get more than I had lost. That, that grieved me most, was, that they fled from me as from one that were infected. We took shipping at Cartagena: the Ship was great, and well provided. They hoisted up the Sails, and committed them to the Wind, which carried it, & driven it with great swiftness. The shore vanished from our sight, and the Sea begun to swell with a contrary Wind, which raised the Billows unto the Clouds. The tempest increased, & our hope diminished. The Mariners & Pilots gave us over: The wailing & weeping was so great, that me thought we were at a Good-friday correction. The noise was so great, that nothing of what was commanded, could be understood: The one runned to one place, the other to another: we all seemed Braziers. Every one confessed himself to whom he could: such there were as confessed themselves to a Punk; who gave them the absolution after as good a manner, as if she had exercised the Office many years. It is good angling in a muddy Water: When I saw that they were all busy, I said to myself, Die then, and die full. And thereupon I went down to the bottom of the Ship, where there was great store of Bread, Wine, Pasties, and Preserves, for no body said so much as, what make you here? I began to eat of all, and to fill my belly, that I might have provision enough till Doomsday. In the mean time there came a Soldier to me, desiring me to shrive him: Who, amazed to see me with so good Cheer, and Appetite, asked me, How I could eat, seeing death before mine eyes? I answered him, That I did it for fear lest the Sea-water, which I was to drink in my drowning, should do me any harm. This my simplicity, made him fetch a laugh from his heels. Many confessed themselves to me, not able to utter one true word for grief and fear; nor I to hearken unto them, for haste that I had to fill myself. The Captains, and men of note, with two Priests that were there, saved themselues in the Cockboat. I being ill apparelled, could not be received into it. When I had eaten my fill, I went me to a Hogshead of good Wine, and there pouring down my Throat as much as ever I could, I forgot both myself and the Tempest. The Ship overturned, and the Water came in, as in her home. A Corporal taking hold of both my hands amidst the pangs of death, desired me to hear a sin whereof he would confess himself unto me; which was, That he had not fulfilled a Penance which had been enjoined him, to go on Pilgrimage to our Lady of Loretta, having had many opportunities to effect it; and that then, when he would, he could not. I told him, that by the authority which I had received, I did change it him; and that in stead of going to our Lady of Loretta, he should go to S. James. Alas Sir (said he) how willingly would I accomplish this Penance; but already the water gins to get into my mouth so that I cannot. If it be so, said I again, I enjoin you for your Penance to drink all the water of the Sea: but he did not execute it, by reason that there were others that drunk as much as he. The water coming to my mouth, I cried out, To another door, for this cannot open; and although it had been open, yet could it not have entered, because my body was so full of Wine, that it looked like a puffed Bladder. At the noise of the cracking of the Ship, came a great quantity of Fish, eating the flesh of the Wretches that were drowned (and not in a little Water) as if they fed in a Common. In the little time that I was a going to the bottom, and coming up again, I saw incredible things: An infinite number of Bones, and Bodies of Men; great store of Coffers, full of Money and jewels, great quantity of Arms, Silks, Linen, and Spices. I had a great mind to all, and it grieved me much, that I had it not all safe at home, with which (as a Biscay said) I would eat my Bread printed with Sardaines. If I could but get out these Riches now (said I to myself) no Innkeeper in the World should far more delicately then I. I would build Houses, establish Revenues, and purchase a Garden in the Zigarrales. My Wife should 
Zigarrales is a place in Toledo, where there are very pleasant Gardens.  style herself Lady, and I Lordship: I would marry my daughter to the richest Cook in my Country. Every one would come and congratulate me, and I would tell them, that I had wrought fairly, drawing my Wealth, not out of the entrailes of the Earth, but from the very heart of the Sea: not wet with sweat, but through wet with water, as any dried Poore-Iohn. In all my life, I was never so content as then; not considering, that if I opened my mouth, I should remain there buried with the Treasure, for ever and a day.   

CHAP. III. How Lazaro came out of the Sea.  
SEeing myself so near unto my end, I feared; and so nigh the Treasure, I rejoiced: Death affrighted me, the Treasure delighted me. To shun that, since I could not enjoy this, I rend off from my back the rags that the Squire my Master had left me, for the good services which I had done him, and began to swim (though I had but very little skill therein) Necessity giving Wings to my feet, and Oars to my hands. I know not how; a Cord fastened about my foot, which (as fare as I could perceive) was tied to a great Chest (without doubt, full of jewels) which, though I could, I would not unloosen; imagining, whether my former thoughts might not have been some prophecy. But such was my bad luck, that if all the prophecies in the World had promised me some happy and constant fortune, yet none of them had come to pass. As the Cord lengthened, my hopes and ambition increased, believing, that if I could but come a shore with it, I would draw and pull out of the Sea that great Chest, wherewith Lazaro should be more wealthy, and more respected, than Prester john of the Indies. The Fishes which were about me, came to bite me, thrusting me forward with their bobs, which were to me as a Stirrup: And so they jogging, and I kicking, we came almost to the top of the Water, where there befell me a chance, which was cause of all my misfortune. The Fishes and I ran into a Net, which certain Fishermen had cast forth: who feeling a Draught, drew it up with such violence (and the Water with no less, beginning to enter into me) that unable to resist, I began to drown, and could not have escaped, if the Sailors (according to their accustomed haste) had not drawn up the prey into their Boat. The Devil take that filthy savour: in all my life time I never drunk worse stuff; it tasted somewhat like the Worshipful Archpriest his Piss, which once my Wife made me drink, telling me it was Wine of Ocana. 
Ocana, a City in Spain, where very good Wine is made.  Having put into the Boat the Fishes, and I among them, they began to draw the Cord, by the which (as it is said) they pulled up the bottom: they found me tied at it; whereat much amazed, they said, What Fish is this, that hath the face of a man? Is it not some Devil, or some Spirit? But let us draw this Rope, and see what Clog hangs at the heels. Then fell they a haling and tugging, with such might & main, that they had like to have sunk the Boat: Perceiving the danger, they presently cut the Rope, and with it, the hopes of Lazaro of ever attaining 
The Goths were the first Kings of Spain, from whence, when a man is termed rich and great, he is said to be of the Goths.  to the greatness of the Goths. They held my head downward, that I might the better cast out the Water, as also the Wine, which I had drunk. They perceived, that I was not dead (which had not been the worst for me) and gave me a little Wine, with the which (as a Lamp with Oil) I came again to myself. They asked me a hundred Questions, but I answered to done of them, until such time as they gave me some Meat. Then recovering breath, the first thing that I asked them, was for the Clog which I dragged at my foot: They answered me, that they had cut it, to save themselves from the danger wherein they were. There did Troy lose herself, and Lazaro his well-placed desires: there began his pains, griefs, and torments. There is no greater vexation in the World, then to have been rich, and elevated to the Horns of the Moon; and afterward, to become poor, and subject to fools. All my Chimeras were built upon the Water; and in an instant, it drowned them all. Then did I relate unto the Fishermen, what both they and I had lost, by cutting off my jesses': which, when they understood, they were so grieved, that one of them had like to run mad. But one of the gravest among them said, That it would be good to turn me again into the Sea, and to stay there for me, until I came forth again. They were all of his opinion; and, notwithstanding all the inconveniences which I represented unto them, they persisted in their deliberation, saying, That since I knew the way, it would be an easy thing for me (as if it had been no more, then to go to a Cook's Shop, or to a Tavern.) They were so blinded with covetousness, that already they would have thrown me over board; if my good, or rather bad fortune, had not brought to the place where we were, another Boat, which came to carry away their Draught. Wherefore they held their peace, left the others should know of the Treasure which they had discovered, and were constrained for that time, to desist from their cruel intention. They brought their Boats to the Shore, and craftily threw me among the Fishes, with intent to return to seek me again, when conveniently they might. Then two of them took me, and secretly carried me to a little Cottage, not fare from thence. One that knew not the mystery, asked them what was that? They answered, That it was a Monster which they had taken with the Tunnies. When I saw myself in the Lodge, I desired them to give me some rags, or other, to cover my nakedness, that I might show myself before men. That shall be (answered they) when the Reckoning is made with the Hostess; but I understood not (at that present) that kind of language. The fame of the Monster did spread itself throughout all the Country, so that much people came to the Cottage, for to see me: But the Fishermen would not show me, saying, That they expected a Licence from the Bishop and Inquisitors to that end; until when, they desired to be excused. I was amazed, not knowing what to say, or do, little imagining what their intention was. It was with me as with Cuckolds, who are the last that know, that they are such. These Devils found out an Invention, the Devil himself could not have invented the like; which requireth a new Chapter, and new attention.   

CHAP. four How Lazaro was carried through all Spain.  
OCcasion makes the thief. Which the Fishermen seeing to offer itself so fair unto them, took hold of, not only by the foretop, but by the whole body. For perceiving that so great number of people came to see the new Fish, they determined to recompense themselves of the loss that they had made, in cutting the Rope from my foot: and therefore they sent to demand a Licence of the Inquisitors, to show over all Spain a Fish, that had a man's face. They obtained it very easily, by means of a Present which they made to their Lordships, of the best fish they had taken. When then the good Lazaro was giving thanks to God, that he had drawn him out of a Fish's belly (which was a miracle, by so much the greater, by how much my skill and cunning was the less, swimming like a Bar of Iron) four of them (who seemed rather Executioners, such as crucified Christ, than men) came and took me up, and binding my hands behind my back, put me on a Beard, not forgetting the great Mustachios, and a Periwig made of Moss, that made me show like a wild man in a Garden. They wrapped up my feet in Flags, as a Trout of the Mountains. I 
The best Trout in Spain are taken in the Springs of Riners in the Mountains, from whence they are brought wrapped up in flags, for fear of spoiling.  bewailed my mishap, I sighed, complaining of my Destiny. O Fortune (said I) why dost thou persecute me thus? In all my life I never saw nor knew thee: but if by the effects one may judge of the cause; by the trial which already I have had of thee, I am verily persuaded, that no Siren, Baziliske, Viper, or Lioness with Whelps, is more cruel than thou art. Thou raisest men by thy flatteries, and cherishings, to the highest of thy delights, and riches, and from thence dost hurl them headlong into the depth of all miseries and calamities, by so much the greater, by how much thy favours have been great. One of these my Tormentors hearing my complaint, with a Carter-like voice said to me, If Master Tunnie speaks but a word more, he shall presently be salted with his companions, or be burned for a Monster: The Lords of the Inquisition (continued he) have ordained, that we carry him thorough all the Cities and Places of Spain, to make him be seen of all men, as a Prodigy, and Monster of Nature. I swore and vowed unto them, that I was neither Tunnie, Monster, nor any such thing, but as good a man as any Neighbour's Child whatsoever: and that if I was come out of the Sea, it was by reason I had fallen into it, among those that were drowned, going to the Wars of Argters. But they were deaf; and so much the more, that they were not minded to understand me. Seeing that my prayers were as vainly spent, as Suddes about an Asses face; I put on patience, expecting till Time, that procureth all, should cure my anguish, proceeding from those cursed Metamorphosis. They put me in a half Tub, made after the fashion of a Brigantine, full of Water; so that sitting in it, it came up to my Lips. I could not stand upon my feet, for they were tied with a Rope, whereof one end came out through a Leaden Pipe, put between the hoops and boards of the said Tub, in such sort, that if by mischance I grunted never so little, in pulling only the Rope, they made me plunge (like a Duck) and drink more Water than one that hath the Dropsy. I shut my mouth close, till such time as he that pulled the Rope, had slackened it; and then I peeped out with my head like a Tortoise, learning from thenceforth by my own harm to be wary. Being laid in this manner, they shown me to every one: and the number of those that came to see me, was so great, that in one day (every one paying three halfpences) they got two hundred Rials. 
That is, five pound.  The more they gained, the more they coveted; which made them have a great care of my welfare. They entered in consultation, whether it were best every night to take me out of the Water, lest the overmuch moistness and cold might shorten my life, which was dearer unto them than their own, for the profit which they received by it. At length they concluded, that I should still remain therein; persuading themselves, that custom would turn into nature: so that by that means, poor Lazaro was as green Rice, or Hemp in a standing Pool. I leave to the charitable consideration of the gentle Reader, what in such a case I might endure, seeing myself detained in so strange a kind of Prison; a Captive in a Land of freedom, and fettered by the malice of those covetous Puppet-players; and (which was worst, and plagued me most) was to be forced to counterfeit the dumb man, without being so; nor to have power so much as to open my mouth, because that at the instant that I did open it, my Sentinel was so watchful, that (without being discovered by any one) he would stop it with Water, for fear lest I should speak. My meat was soaked Bread, which those that came there, threw me, to see me eat: so, that in the space of six months that I remained in that Bath, the Devil a bit of any thing else that I did eat, being ready to die for hunger. My drink was the Water of the Tub; which not being very clean, was the more substantial: for the coldness thereof gave me a Laske, which lasted as long as I continued in that watery Purgatory.   

CHAP. V How Lazaro was carried to the Court.  
THese Extortioners carried me from City to City, from Town to Town, and from Farm to Farm, more jocund with their gain, than the Earth with May flowers; and flouting poor Lazaro, thus did sing:  
Long life and health God grant unto the Fish,  
Who (without working) doth maintain our Dish.  
The Hearse wherein I was, was carried upon a Cart, and attended by three; the Car-man; he that drew the Cord when I did offer to speak; and he that related my life: who likewise made the speeches, telling the strange means they had used to catch me, and lying more confidently, than any Tailor upon an Easter Eue. When we traveled through inhabited places, they suffered me to speak; which was the greatest courtesy I received of them. I asked them, what Devil had put it into their heads, to carry me up and down after such a manner in a Tub. They answered me, That if they had not done so, I would have died presently; for being (as I was) a Fish, they knew I could not live out of the Water. Seeing them so confident, I determined to be one; and so I persuaded myself, since that every one esteemed me so; believing, that the Sea-Water might have transformed me (the voice of the People being, according to the Proverb, the voice of God) so that from thenceforward I was as silent as if I had been at Mass. They brought me to the Court; where their gain was great, the followers thereof being very desirous of novelties, as men that live in perpetual idleness. Among many that came to see me, there were two Scholars, who considering more exactly my Physiognomy, said in a low voice, That they durst swear upon a Book, that I was no Fish, but a Man; and that if they had been in any charge of justice, they would have sifted out the naked truth, with a Whip on their naked shoulders. I prayed to God in my mind that they would do it, so that I might have been freed from thence: and thereupon I thought to help them forwards, saying, the Gentlemen Scholars are in the right. But scarce had I opened my mouth, when my Sentinel had popped it under Water. The shouting that all the people kept when I ducked myself (or rather they ducked me) hindered the good Licentiates to proceed any further in their discourse. They threw me Bread, and I gobled it up before it could be through wet; but they gave me not half so much as I could have eaten. Then I remembered the plenty that I had in Toledo, & my good friends the Germans, and what good wine I was wont to cry; beseeching God not to suffer me to die by water, my greatest enemy. After that I entered into consideration of what the students had said, which by reason of the noise, no body had understood, & confirmed myself in the opinion that I was a man, and from thenceforward I held myself to be one, although my Wife had oftentimes told me that I was a Beast; & the Boys of Toledo were wont to say unto me, Good M. Lazaro pull your Hat down lower upon your forehead, for one may see your horns: and their carrying of me thus in pickle, had made me doubt whether I were a perfect man, or no. But as soon as I heard these blessed and quicksighted Overseers speak, I made no more doubt of it, but sought means to free myself from the hands of those Chaldeans. One Night, in the deadest time, seeing my Guards fast asleep, I tried to unbind myself: but by reason that the Cords were wet, it was impossible for me. I thought to cry out, but I considered, that it would avail me nothing, for the first of them that should hear me, would have stopped my mouth with a pottle of Water. Seeing this Gate shut to my remedy, with great impatience I began to tumble and wallow in my mire, and at length, with my tossing and struggling, I overthrew the Tub, and myself withal, spilling all the Water. When I saw myself free, I began to call out for help. The Fishermen awaking, all amazed to see what I had done, came in haste to relieve me, by stopping my mouth, and cramming it with Grass: and the better to confound my exclamations, they likewise with a louder strain fell a crying, help, help; and amidst this hurly-burly, they ran to a Well hard by, and with an incredible diligence filled up the Tub again. The Host came forth with a Halberd, and all those of the house, some with Spits, and some with Poles. The neighbours came running in, and a Bailiff with his associates, that were passing that way. The Innkeeper asked the Sailors what the matter was, who answered, that Thiefs would have stolen away their Fish; which he hearing (as if he had been mad) fell a crying out, Thiefs, Thiefs. Some watched if they would steal out at the door; others looked, if they did not climb from one house to another: but already my Keepers had returned me into my Bath. It happened, that the Water which had been spilt, ran all through a hole into a lower Chamber, upon the Bed where the daughter of the house did lie, who moved with charity, had afforded part of it to a Priest, who for her sake was come to lodge there that Night. They were so skared with the deluge of Water that fell upon their Bed, and with the outcries and noise that every one did make; that, not knowing what shift to make, they threw themselves out at a window, as naked as Adam and Eue. Now did the Moon shine so bright, that she might have entered in comparison with him from whom she doth receive her brightness. As soon as they saw them, they cried out, There be the Thiefs, stop the Thiefs. The Bailiff and his assistants ran after them, & overtook them not fare from thence (by reason that being , the stones did hinder their speed) and without any delay carried them to Prison. The Fishermen the next morning very early took leave of Madrid to go to Toledo, not knowing what was become of the kindhearted Wench, and the devout Priest.   

CHAP. VI How Lazaro was carried to Toledo.  
THe Industry of Men is vain; their Knowledge, Ignorance; and their Might, Impotency; when God doth not strengthen, direct, and guide them. My labour served only to increase the care and solicitude of my jailors; who angry for their last night's Alarm, gave me so many Bastonadoes by the way, that they left me almost for dead, saying, Accursed Fish, would you have been gone? Do you not acknowledge the great good one doth you, in not killing you? you are as the Oak, that yields not his fruit without cudgelling. After this manner bruised, upbraided, and almost dead for hunger, they entered me into Toledo, and lodged themselves hard by a place called the Zocedober, at a Widow's House, whose Wine I was wont to cry. They put me in a lower Room, where a multitude of people came to see me, and among others, my Eluira, holding my daughter by the hand. When I saw them, I could not but give way to two Niles of tears, that gushed out of mine eyes. I wept, and sighed, but within myself, for fear they should deprive me of what I so much loved, and of the sight of that, which I desired to have a thousand eyes to see, though it had been better, that those who hindered my speech, had also taken from me my visible faculty. For looking earnestly upon my Wife, I saw her (I know not if I may speak it) I saw her with a belly mounted to her mouth. I was amazed and astonished, although (had I been in my right wits) I had had no great cause, for the Archpriest my Master had told me, when I went to the Wars, that he would deal with her as if she had been his own. But what most vexed me, was, that I could not persuade myself that she was with child by me, having been absent above a year. Indeed when I dwelled with her, and that we were at Bed and Board together, and that she would say to me; Lazaro, do not believe that I am false to thee; for so doing, thou dost wondrous ill: I was so well satisfied, that I abhorred to conceive an evil thought of her, even as the Devil doth holy-Water; I lived jovial, content, and without jealousy, the Disease of Fools. I have oftentimes considered with myself, that this matter of Children doth chiefly consist in imagination: for how many are there, that love such as they think to be theirs, who indeed belong to them no otherwise, then by name and number? and others, who (for certain Chimaeras forged in their brains, that their Wives have grafted upon their heads the punishment of Actaeon's temereity) do hate and abhor those that be their own? I began to reckon the months, and days, but I found the way stopped, to my comfort. I thought, whether my dear bedfellow were not sick of the Dropsy; but that pious imagination lasted me but very little: for, as soon as she was gone forth, two old Gossips began to say one to another, What think you of the Arch-Priestresse? she hath no want of her Husband. Who hath got her with Child, asked the other? Who? replied the first: Marry, the reverend Archpriest; who is so good, that (for to give no scandal, if she should be delivered in his house without having a Husband) he doth marry her the next Sunday to Peter Gabacho, who will be as patiented as my Gossip Lazaro. That was the Touchstone, and Non plus ultra of my patience; it began to overcome my Heart: So that, sweeting within the Water, and unable to help myself, I fell down in a swoone within the Hogsty. The water then entering amain through all the passages, without any resistance, I appeared to be dead (much against my will, which was, to live as long as it would please God, and I should be able, in spite of Galicians, and all cross fortune.) The Fishermen very heavy, caused all that were there, to go out, and in all haste lifted my head out of the Water; but they found, that I was without pulse, or breath, as they themselves were for very grief, bewailing their loss, which to them was none of the least. They took me out of the Tub, and did what they could to make me vomit that which I had swallowed; but all in vain, for death (as they thought) had already shut the door after her. They remained blank (as at a running Lottery) not knowing any remedy, nor how to ease their grief. It was at last decreed by the Council of three, that the Night following they should carry me to the River, and should there throw me in, with a stone about my neck; to make that my Grave, which had been the instrument of my death.   

CHAP. VII. What happened to Lazaro upon the way to the River Tagus.  
LEt no man despair, how afflicted soever he seethe himself; for when he shall least expect it, God will open the Gates and Windows of his Mercy, and show, that nothing is impossible unto him; and that he can and will change the designs of the wicked into wholesome and comfortable remedies, for such as put their trust in him. These Knaves in grain thinking that Death did not jest (whose custom is little so to do) put me into a Sack, and (laying me 
In Spain, they use to carry Wine or Water upon Mules or Horses. in Goats or Calf's skins, fitted to that purpose, which they call Caques.  overthwart a Mule, as a Goat's skin of Wine, or rather of Water, being full thereof to the very mouth) took their way down the Hill of the Carmelites, more sorrowful than if they had been going to bury the Father that begot them, or the Mother that bore them. It was my good fortune, when they put me upon the Mule, to be laid upon my stomach and belly; so that going with my mouth downward, I began to cast out Water, as if a Sluce-gate had 
Frago with the Spaniards is a fish that out of his mouth doth sometimes cast so much water, that it is able to drown a Boat.  been opened, or as if I had been the fish * Frago, by means whereof I came again to myself; and gathering breath, I perceived that I was out of the water, & out of that accursed Tub: but I neither knew where I was, nor whither they carried me. Only I heard them say, It is best for our safety to seek out some Pit very deep, that he may not be found so soon. By the thread I recovered the needle, & imagining presently what the matter was, and seeing that the Crow could be no blacker than his wings, hearing a noise of people thereabouts, I began to cry out, Help, help, for the Lords sake. The stir which I heard, was the Watch, who came instantly to my outcry with their naked swords, & ransacking the Sack, found poor Lazaro through soaked, as a Greenefish. They carried us all, as they found us, to the gaol; the fishermen weeping to see themselves prisoners, and I laughing for being at liberty. They put them in a dungeon, and me in a good Bed. The next day being examined, they confessed, That indeed they had carried me up and down through Spain: but that they had done it, believing that I was a Fish; and that to that effect they had obtained a Licence of the Lords of the Inquisition. For my part, I told the whole truth, and how those Rascals held me bound, and put me into such a posture, as I was not able so much as to grunt. They brought in the Archpriest, and my good Elutra, to prove if it were true that I were that Lazaro de Tormes, whom I said I was. My Wife entered the first, and earnestly beholding me, said, That the truth was, that I somewhat resembled her good husband; but she believed I was not he: for though I had always been a great Beast, I was more 
Because he loved Wine well, as Gnats do; and like an Ox had Horns, being a Cuckold.  likely to become a Gnat or an Ox than a Fish. Having thus spoken, and made a low Curtsy, she went forth. My hangman's Attorney required, that I might be burned, because without doubt I was a Monster, which he did bind himself to prove. (The Devil I am as soon, (said I to myself) unless some Conjurer now should persecute me, transforming me into what he listed.) The judges commanded him to be silent. Then came in the reverend Archpriest, who seeing me so bleak, and wrimpled, like an old Wife's belly, said, That he neither knew me by my face, nor shape. I than remembered him of some old passages, and many secrets that had passed between us; particularly I bade him remember the Night that he came naked unto my bed, saying, that he was afraid of a Hobgoblin that haunted his chamber, and laid himself between my Wife & me. He, for fear I should have proceeded any farther in tokens, confessed it to be true, that I was Lazaro, his good friend and servant. The Suit ended with the testimony of the Captain that had carried me from Toledo (and was one of those that escaped the Tempest in the Cockboat) who acknowledged, that I was in person Lazaro his servant; and all this did agree with the relation of the time & place where the fishermen said they had caught me. They condemned every one of them to two hundred stripes, and their goods confiscated, the one part to the King, the other to the Prisoners, and the third to Lazaro. They were found to have two thousand 
Fifty pounds.  Rials, two Mules, and a Cart; of the which (all duties and charges paid) there fell to my share twenty 
A Ducat is five shillings six pence of our money.  ducats. The Sailors remained bare and comfortless, and I rich & content; for in all my life before I had not seen myself Master of so much money at once. I went to the house of one of my Friends: where, after I had poured down my Throat some Gallons of Wine, to wash away the evil savour of the Water, & put myself into good Clothes, I began to walk like an Earl, faring like a King, honoured of my Friends, feared of mine Enemies, and welcome to all. The miseries I had passed, seemed to me a Dream; the present happiness, a Haven of rest; and the future hopes, a Paradise of pleasure. Adversity doth humble, and prosperity puff up the mind. All the time that the twenty ducats lasted, if the King had called me Cousin, I had taken it for an affront. When we Spaniards can but get a Ryall, we are Princes; and though we do want it, we do not want presumption. If you ask but a shake-ragge who he is, he will answer, that (at the least) he is descended from the Goths, & that his bad fortune hath thus dejected him; being the property of the foolish World, to elevate the base, and debase the worthy: and yet such as he is, he would not yield to any, nor esteem himself less than the greatest; and would rather starve, then put himself to any Trade; or if he doth, it is with such contempt & distaste, that either he will not work at all; or if he doth, it is so ill, that hardly in all Spain shall one find a good workman of a Spaniard. I remember that there was a Cobbler in Salamanca; who, when one did bring him any thing to mend, would make a long discourse to himself, complaining of his evil fortune, that had reduced him to the necessity of working in so base a Trade, being descended from such a house and from such parents; who for their worth were known over all Spain. I asked one day a neighbour of his, of what Kindred that Bragadocio was. He told me, that his father was a treader of Grapes in Vintage time, and a Hogge-killer 
In Spain, and other Countries, to make their Wines, they put their grapes into great Tubs, into the which men go bare legged and sometimes naked to tread the grapes, for to express the juice.  in Winter; and his mother a Tripe-washer, I mean a Tripe-wife's maid. I had bought a Suit of old peeled Velvet, and a long threadbare Cloak of Segovia Serge; I wore my Sword so long, that the Chape unpaved the stones of the streets, as I walked. When I came out of Prison, I would not go see my Wife; to give her a greater desire to see me, and to be revenged of the scorn that she had made of me. I believed undoubtedly, that seeing me so well apparelled, she would repent herself, and receive me with open arms; but obstinate she was, and obstinate she remained. I found her in Childbed, and newly married. When she saw me, she cried out as if she had been mad, Take from before me that ill watered Fish, that Face of a new-plucked Goose; or by the blessedness of my dead Father's Soul, if I rise, I will scratch out his eyes. I, with a great deal of phlegm, answered her, Fair and softly (good Mistress Wagtaile) if you know me not for your Husband, nor I you for my Wife, let me have my daughter, and as good friends as ever before, for I have got wherewith to marry her very honourably. Me thought those twenty ducats should have been like little john of God's five 
Twelve Blanks make an English penny.  Blanks; who, as soon as he had spent them, found five other still in his Purse: but with me, as I was Lazarillo of the Devil, it fell out otherwise, as shall appear in the next Chapter. The Archpriest opposed himself against my demand, saying, That she was not mine; and for proof thereof, he shown me the Church Book for Christen, which compared with the Register of Marriages, it appeared, that the Girl was borne four months after that I first carnally known my Wife. My man Thomas fell down, who till then had been on horseback, and I perceived the error in the which I had lived until that time, believing her to be my daughter, that was not so. I shaked upon them the dust of my shoes, & washed my hands in token of innocence, & of parting for ever, & so I turned my back unto them, with as much comfort as if I had never known them. I went to seek some of my friends, to whom I related the whole matter: they comforted me; which was a thing very easy for them to do. I would not return to the Office of common Crier, for my Velvet had rooted out such petty thoughts. Going toward the Gate called de Vilagra as I passed through that of S. john of the Kings, I met with an old acquaintance of mine; who, after she had saluted me, told me how that my Wife was grown more gentle, since she had understood that I had money; particularly that, that Gabacho had as good as new dressed her from top to toe. I desired her to let me understand the business: she did it, saying, that Master Archpriest and my Wife had entered one day into consultation, whether it were best to take me home again to them, & turn out that Gabacho, bringing reasons of the one side and of the other. This their consulting was not so secret, but that the new Husband heard of it: who dissembling, the next morning went out to work at the Olive trees, whither his Wife & mine at noon did go to carry him his dinner. He then bound her fast to a Tree, and having stripped her stark-naked, gave her there above a hundred stripes; and not content with that, made a bundle of all her , & pulling her Rings off her fingers, ran away with all, leaving her bound, naked, and in a pitiful case: where (without doubt) she had died if the Archpriest had not sent to seek her. She went on, saying, that she believed without all peradventure, that if I sent but any one to entreat them, they would receive me to them as before: for she had heard my Eluira say, Wretched that I am, why did I not admit my good Lazaro, who was even as good as the good Bread; not hard to please, nor scrupulous, who suffered me to do whatsoever I would? That was a touch, which turned me topsy-turvy, and made me resolve to follow the counsel of the good old Woman: Nevertheless, I thought good first to confer of it with my friends.   

CHAP. VIII. How Lazaro pleaded against his Wife.  
WE men are somewhat a kin to laying Hens: for if we mind to do any good, we presently proclaim and kackle it abroad: but if evil, we will not that any one know it, lest they should dissuade us from that, from the which it were good we should be diverted. I went to see one of my friends, & I found three together; for since I had money, they were multiplied as flies in the Fruit season. I told them my intention and desire, which was, to go & live again with my Wife, and shun the slandering speeches of malevolent tongues; a known evil being better than an unknown good. But they made the deed so heinous and odious unto me, telling me, that I was a man without either black in my eyes, or brains in my head, that I would go to dwell with a Punk, a Cockatrice, a Catamountain, & lastly, the Devil's Hackney (for so in Toledo do they call Priests Wenches.) They said such and so many things to me, and so persuaded me, that I determined neither to entreat her, nor to seek to her. These my good friends (I would the Devil had had them) seeing that their counsel and persuasions had wrought with me, proceeded farther, saying, That they counselled me (because I was so dear unto them) to take away the spots, and cleanse the stains of my reputation; to stick close to it, and not let it fall to the ground: And therefore that I should exhibit a Complaint in Law against the Archpriest and my Wife; for all should cost me neither penny, nor farthing, they being (as they were) Officers of justice. The one (who was an Attorney for lost Suits) offered me a hundred ducats for my get. The other, as better experimented (being a Solicitor for Traders) told me, That if he were in my Coat, he would not give my gains for two hundred. The third assured me, That (as he did well know, being, as he was, a Sergeant) he had seen other Cases, not so plain, and a great deal doubtfuller than this, that had been worth to the undertakers an innumerable sum; although he believed, that upon the first Writ the good Domine Bacchalaure would fill my hands, and grease theirs, that we might give over the Suit, desiring that I would return again to my Wife: which would be much more honourable and profitable for me, then if I had made means unto her. They so highly commended this business unto me, alluring me with fair and great hopes, that they brought me to what they would, not knowing how to answer their sophistical arguments: howbeit, I know, that it was better to forgive and humble myself, then to prosecute things to the extremities, fulfilling that most difficult commandment of God, To love our enemies. And then, my Wife did never behave herself like an enemy towards me: contrariwise, by her I began to grow into credit, and to be known of many, who would point at me with their finger, saying, There goes patiented Lazaro: by her I began to have an Office, and Benefice. If the daughter, which the Archpriest said was none of mine, were so or no; God, who searcheth the reines, best knows; and it may be, that as I may have been mistaken, he likewise may have been deceived. As it may happen, that some one, who reading this simplicity of mine, will burst out into such laughter, as he may chance to moisten the Linings of his Breeches; doth maintain the children of some reverend Friar; and doth labour, sweat, and moil, to leave them rich, that beggar him of his reputation; believing for certain, that if there be one honest Woman in the World, it is his. And moreover, it may be, that the Pedigree whereof thou dost boast (gentle Reader) as derived from Mars, is deducted from Vulcan. But leaving every one in his good opinion, all these good considerations did not withstand, but that I form a complaint against the Archpriest, and against my Wife: and (having ready money) within four and twenty hours they put them into Prison; him, into the Arch-Bishops; and her, into the common jail. The Lawyers did bid me, not to regard the Money that I did lay out for that business, by reason that I should recover it all again of the Domine. So that, for to do him more harm, and that the charges might be so much the greater, I gave them whatsoever they did ask me. And because they smelled my Cash, as Bees do Honey, they were so careful and diligent to run too and fro, not making one idle step, that in less than eight days the Cause was very forward, and my Purse very backward. The Evidences were produced with great facility, by reason that the Sergeants that had arrested them, had taken them napping; & even as they were in their shirts, had carried them to Prison. The witnesses were many, and their depositions true. But my honest Attorney, Counsellor, and Register, perceiving my Purse to be at an ebb, began to grow so careless and lazy, that to have made them advance one step, they had needed more spurring than any Hackney jade. When the Archpriest and his friends understood our great neglect, they began to crow up, and grow pert, greasing the hands and feet of their Agents; being like the weights of a Clock, which do mount proportionally as the others go down. They took such a course, that within a fortnight after they came out of Prison upon Bail; and within less than a week more, by means of false witnesses, they made poor Lazaro be condemned to ask pardon, pay all charges, and to be banished for ever out of Toledo. I demanded pardon, as it was most just he should, who with twenty crowns had undertaken to plead against him that measured them by Pecks. I gave all to my very shirt to help to pay the charges, going out with my bare skin to my banishment. I saw myself in one instant, rich, at Law with one of the Powers of the holy Church of Toledo (an enterprise only for a Prince) respected of my Friends, feared of mine Enemies, and in the predicament of a Gentleman, that would not suffer an affront; and in the same instant I found myself cast (not out of the Earthly Paradise, my private nakedness obumbrated with Figge-leaves, but) out of the place which I most loved and esteemed; where I had received so much good entertainment, so many pleasures. My nudity being covered with certain Rags which I found upon a Dunghill, I betook me to the common comfort of the distressed; believing, that since I was at the lowest of Fortune's Wheel, necessarily (at her turning) I was again to rise. At that time I remembered what once I had heard my Master the Blindman say, (who, when he did set himself a preaching, would do wonders) That all the men in the World did ascend & descend by the Wheel of Fortune; some following her motion, others going against it: this only difference being between them; that those that went with the stream, with the same swiftness that they did climb up, with the same they do tumble down: and those that go against it, if once they attained unto the top (though with great pains and labour) they maintained themselves there a long time. I, like the former, did run the smooth way of her Wheel, but with such swiftness, that I scarce yet was come to the top, when she threw me into the bottomless pit of all calamities. I saw myself a Beggar, even of the most beggarly, having until then been one of a better stamp; and might well have said, Naked did I come into the World, and naked do I go out, I neither win nor lose. In this pickle I took my way towards Madrid, craving the charitable benevolence of well disposed persons, as one that best could do it; for I was a Miller: to which Trade, I, to return, by need was made. I made my moan to every one: some did pity me, others did laugh at me, and others did give me their alms; so that having neither Wife nor daughter to maintain, I had often meat & drink to spare. That year such store of wine had been gathered, that almost at every door I came to, they would ask me if I would drink, because they had no Bread to give me; I never refused it: so that sometimes it hath been my chance, before breake-fast, to have gulped up four pottles of Wine, wherewith I was more jocund and merry than Schoolboys upon a holiday Eue. If I may speak what I think, the Beggar's life is the only life; all the others do not deserve that name. If rich men had but tried it, they would forsake their riches for it, as the ancient Philosophers did; who, for to enjoy it, left what they possessed; I say, for to enjoy it: for the Philosopher's life and the Beggars is all one; only they are distinguished, in that the Philosophers did forsake what they had for the love of it; and the Beggars without forsaking any thing, do find it. They did despise their wealth, that with less impediments they might contemplate both natural and divine things, with the Celestial motions: These, that they may (uncurbed) run through the fields of their lose appetites. They did cast their goods into the Sea; these do bury them in their stomaches. They did despise them as perishable and transitory things; these do not esteem them, because they carry with them care and labour, things altogether out of their element. So that the Beggar's life is quieter than that of either King, Emperor, or Pope. In it therefore did I mean to walk, as in a way most free, less dangerous, and very delightful.   

CHAP. IX. How Lazaro did make himself a Porter.  
THere is no Trade, Science, nor Art, but, to attain to the perfection thereof, it is needful to employ the capacity of the best understanding in the world. You shall have a Shoemaker, that hath been thirty years at his Trade, if you did him make you a pair of shoes broad at the toes, high of instep, neat, and without puckering; do you think he will do it? before he make you a pair such as you desire, he will spoil your foot. Ask a Philosopher, why Flies upon a white thing do mute black, and contrariwise, upon a black, white; and you will make him blush, like a Maid upon her Marriage night, not knowing how to answer; or if he do to this, he will not to a thousand other fooleries. It was my chance to meet, near to Mescas, an Arch-Rogue, 
Mescas, a City between Madrid and Toledo.  and by his countenance perceiving what he was, I paced towards him as to an Oracle, to inquire of him how I might govern myself in my new life, without bringing myself within the compass of the Law. He answered me, That if I meant cleanly to come off, and without danger, his counsel was, that I should join to the life of an Hypocrite; that is to say, that though I were a Rogue in profession, yet (not to seem so) I should give myself to some employment, as to scullery in a Kitchen, to cry Brooms, to sweep Chimneys, to scrape Trenchers, or to carry Burdens from one place to another; which would serve as a Buckler, to cover my Beggary. He told me moreover, that by reason that he had not done so since these twenty years that he followed that Occupation, he had the day before received two hundred stripes as a Rogue and Vagabond. This advice pleased me, and I followed his counsel. As soon as I came to Madrid, I got me a Porter's Cord, with the which I quartered myself in the midst of the Market place with more content than a starved Cat with Gibblets. And in good time, and happy hour, the first that did set me to work, was a Maid (God forgive me, for I lie) of some eighteen years of age, that simpred more than a new veiled Nun; she bade me follow her, and led me through so many streets, that I thought she had undertaken it as a task, or that she did it to abuse me: at length we came to a house, which, by the Wicket thereof, great Court, and the Wenches that danced there, I knew to be the public Brothel. Then did she bring me into her Cell; where she asked me, if I would be paid for my pains before we went out: I answered her, that there was no haste, until we came to the place where I was to carry my burden, which I took up, and set forward to the Gate of Guadalachara, where she told me she was to take Wagon, to go to the Fair of Nagera. The Fardel 
A City in Spain.  was light, most part thereof being nothing but little Saucers, Bottles with Painting, and Waters. As we went, I understood how she had been eight years of that Trade. The first that did set me abroach (said she) was the Father Rector of the jesuits of Sevil, where 
A City in Spain.  I was borne; who did it with so great devotion, that from that day to this, I have been very devout. He recommended me to one of the holy Women, devoted to their 
Those women are called Beatae.  Order, with whom I remained above six months, well provided of all things necessary. I was drawn thence by a Captain, and so have roved up and down from one place to another, & am where thou seest. And would to God I had never departed out of the protection of that good Father, who entertained me as his Daughter, and loved me as his Sister. Finally, I have been constrained to follow an Occupation, to get my living. With this discourse we came to the waggon, which was ready to set forth. I discharged my Burden into it, & praying her to pay me for my labour, the Rag-taile answered, That I will very willingly; and with that, lifting up her hand, she gave me such a Box on the ear, that she felled me to the ground, saying, Art thou such an Ass, as to ask Money of one of my Profession? Did I not bid thee, before thou camest out of the house of Fellowship, to pay thyself, if thou wouldst, upon me? With that (as nimbly as a Grasshopper) she leapt into the Wagon, and away she went, and left me fretted at the heart, and as blank as a Bell-founder, not knowing what ailed me; only I considered with myself, that if the progress of my new Trade did follow the beginning, I should thrive fairly at the year's end. Upon my departure thence, there came another Wagon from Alcala de Henares; 
A City in Spain.  out of the which, the passengers (who were all Whores, Scholars, and Friars) being alighted, one of the Order of S. Francis asked me, if I would do him that charity, as to carry his Truss to his Covent, I answered him with cheerfulness, that I would, for I persuaded myself, that he would not cozen me, as that Drab had done: therefore I took it up, and it was so heavy, that I could scarce carry it; yet for the hope of my good pay, I strained myself. Being come to the Cloister very weary, because it was fare, the Friar took his Pack, and saying, For God's sake be it done, went in, and shut the door after him. I waited there until he should come to pay me; but seeing that he did tarry long, I knocked at the Gate. The Porter came forth, and asked me what I would have; I told him, My payment for the burden which I had brought. He answered me, That I should go in God's name, for they never paid any thing, and so locked the door, charging me to knock no more, by reason it was a time of silence; for if I did, he would give me a hundred lacings with his knotty girdle. My courage was cooled. A poor man that stood at the Gate said to me; Brother, you may well go your way, for these Fathers do handle no money, for they live altogether upon other men's dishes. Let them live upon what they can (said I) they shall pay me for my pains, or I will be no longer Lazarillo; and thereupon I fell a knocking with great anger. The Lay Brother came forth with greater, and without any farther compliment gave me such a push, that he threw me backward to the ground as if I had been a mellow Pear; and kneeling upon me, he gave me half a dozen such punches with his knee, and as many flamms with his girdle, that he left me all bruised, as if the Clock-Tower of Saragosa 
A City in Spain.  had fallen upon me. I lay there stretched above half an hour, not being able to arise; I considered my evil fortune, and the strength of that irregular Friar so ill employed, which had been fit to serve the King our Lord and Master, then to devour the alms ordained for the poor; though indeed they be scarce good for any employment, being idle and lazie-packs, as the Emperor Charles the fifth gave well to understand: for when the General of S. Francis his Order, offered two and twenty thousand Friars to assist him in his wars, none above forty, nor under two & twenty; the invincible Emperor answered, That he would not have them, by reason that he should have needed every day two and twenty thousand fleshpots: intimating thereby, that they are fit by fare for the Kitchen, then for any labour or service. God forgive me, for since that day I have so abhorred those Lay-clergie-men, that me thought when I saw them, I did see Drones of a Beehive, or sponges of the fat of the porridge-pot. I was minded to give over my office, but I expected the revolution of the 24 hours, 
* Those that die in Spain of sudden death, are kept 24 hours before they be buried.  as the custom is for those that die of sudden death.   

CHAP. X. How Lazaro met with an old Bawd, and what happened unto him.  
Weak and dead for hunger, I went little by little up the street, & passing through the Barly-place, I met with an old mumbler, that had more tusks than a wild Boar, who came to me, and asked me, if I would carry a trunk for her to a friend of hers not fare from thence, & she would give me four 
Four quartos make a Royal, which is six pence.  quartos. I had no sooner heard her, but I gave God thankes, that from so filthy a mouth as hers should proceed so sweet a speech as that, She would give me four Quartos. I told her, Yes, with a very good will; though that very good will was more to finger the four Quartos, then to carry the burden, having at that time more need to be carried myself, then to carry. I took up the Trunk with much ado, by reason it was great and heavy: the good woman bade me carry it fair and softly, because that within it were bottles of Waters, which she esteemed very much. I answered her, that she should not need to fear that, I would go softly enough; for though I would have done otherwise, it had been impossible for me, being so hungry that hardly I could put one foot before another. We came at length to the house where we did carry the Trunk, the which they very gladly received, especially a young Gentlewoman, plump and round faced (would all the cattles of my bed were such, my belly being full) who with a cheerful countenance said, that she would keep it in her Closet. I carried it thither, and the old Woman gave her the Key of it, desiring her to keep it until she returned from Segovia, where she 
A City in Spain.  was going to visit a Kinswoman of hers, hoping to come back again within four days. Then embracing her, she took leave of her, whispering her in the ear I know not what, which made the Damsel blush like a rose; (and although I then did like her very well, I should have liked her fare better, had the vacuity of my guts been stuffed with good provender) she took likewise leave of all those of the house, desiring the Father and Mother of the Maid to excuse her boldness and importunity; who told her, that their house was at her command. She gave me four Quartos; bidding me in mine ear the next morning very early to come to her house, and she would make me earn as much more. I departed more jocund than a Shrove-tuesday, or a Midsommers Eue. I supped with three of them, keeping one to pay for my lodging. I than fell to consider the power and virtue of money; for at the instant that the old woman had given me those few Quartos, I found myself lighter than the wind, more valiant than Hector, & stronger than Hercules. O Money, it is not without reason that most men do hold thee for their God! thou art the cause of all good, and the procurer also of all evil. Thou art the inventor of all Arts, and the maintainer of them in their perfection. For thee are Sciences had in estimation, and with thee are opinions defended. By thee cities are sortified, and again by thee their strong towers are made level with the ground. By thee are kingdoms established, and by thee in the same instant overthrown. Thou art the upholder of virtue, and again the destroyer thereof. By thee Ladies do maintain themselves chaste, & by thee many that are so, become others. Lastly, there is nothing in the world, be it never so hard, but to thee is easy; nothing so hidden, but thou canst penetrate; no hill so lofty, but thou canst pull down; no dale so low, but thou canst elevate. The next morning I went to the old Woman's house, according as she had appointed me, who bade me go with her to fetch again the Trunk which I had carried the day before. Being come to the house, she told the Master and Mistress, that she came for her Trunk, by reason that upon the way to Segovia (about a mile from Madrid) she had met with her Kinswoman, who came with the same intention (that she went) to see her, and that therefore she did need it instantly, to have out some clean linen that was in it, to give her entertainment. The Maid of a new stamp returned her the Key, kissing and embracing her with more affection than at the first time; and after she had whispered her again in the ear, they helped up with the Trunk, which seemed unto me fare lighter than the day before, because my belly was better provided. Coming down the stairs, it was my chance to meet with I know not what stumbling block, which I think the Devil of purpose had laid in my way, that made me stumble and tumbled down Trunk and all to the bottom of the stairs, where stood the Father and the Mother of the simple and kindhearted Wench. I broke my Nose and short Ribs with the fall, and the damned Trunk, with the Knocks and joults flew open. In it there appeared a young Gallant, without his Cloak, his Rapier and Dagger at his side, in a green Satin Suit, with a feather of the same colour, a pair of Carnation Garters & Roses, Crimson Silk Stockings, and white open Shoes: who rising up very mannerly, & making a low reverence, strait went out of doors. They were so amazed with that sudden Vision, that they looked one upon another like so many Matachines' or Antics. But when they were come to themselves, they called in all haste two sons that they had, & with great storming, declared the matter unto them: Who presently taking their Swords, and crying, Kill, Kill, went out to seek the young Madcap. But he had posted away in such haste, that it was impossible for them to overtake him. The Father and Mother (who all this while had remained below stairs) shutting the doors fast, went up, thinking to revenge themselves upon the Bawd: but she that had heard the noise, and known the cause thereof, had already with her Scholar in the O. Q. P. taken the air at a backdoor. When they found themselves gulled, and prevented, they came down and let fly at me, I being so sore, and bruised, that I could not stir; for otherwise I had waited upon him, for whose sake I was so ill handled. The two brothers returned sweeting, and out of breath, swearing and vowing, That since they had not overtaken the villain, they would kill their sister and the Baud. But when they were told, that they had made an escape at the Backside, than they fell a blaspheming, cursing, & swearing. The one said, Why do I not meet now with the Devil himself, with an infernal Crew, that I might make havoc of them as of so many Flies? Come Devil, Come. But now that I call thee, it is certain, that wheresoever thou art, thou dost fear my anger, & darest not appear before me. O had I but seen that Coward, with my very breath I had carried him so far, as no body should ever have heard any news of him. The other went on, saying, Had I but overtaken him, I would not have left one piece of him so big as his ear: but if he be in the world, nay, though he be not, he shall not escape out of my hands; for I would plough him up, were he bid in the Centre of the Earth.  
These and such like brags & threatenings did they thunder out, whilst poor Lazaro was expecting that all the storm should light upon him; but yet I stood in more fear of ten or twelve Boys that were there then of those Braggadilloes. In the end, both great and small in a cluster fell upon my jacket; the one kicked me, the other thumped me; some pulled me by the hairs, others boxed me about the ears. My fear was not vain: for the Boys thrusted great Pins into my Buttocks up to the head, which made me skreeke unto the heavens; the slaves did so pinch me, that they made me at noonday see a thousand Stars. Some said, let us kill him; others, It is better to throw him in the Privy. The hammering of me was such, that they seemed Thrashers in a Barn, or Hammers of a Fulling-Mill, by reason of the perpetual motion. At length seeing me breathless, they desisted from beating, but not from threatening me. The Father as most ripe, or most rotten, commanded them to let me alone; and that if I would tell them truly who was the robber of their honour, they should not do me any more harm: but I could not satisfy their desire, because I knew not who he was, having never seen him before he came out of the Trunk. Seeing that I answered them nothing, they began anew to torment me. There was the wailing, there the weeping for my mishap; there was the sighing, there was the cursing of my cross fortune. But when I perceived, that continually they found new ways to persecute me, I prayed them as well as I could to forbear me, and that I would tell them all the business. They did so; and I told them without any omission, what had passed; but they would give no credit to the truth. Feeling the storm to continue, I determined to cozen them, if it were possible, and therefore I promised to inform them, who the Malefactor was; whereupon they left thrashing of me, promising me wonders. They asked me his name, & where he lived. I answered, that I knew it not; and less, that of the Street wherein he dwelled: but that, if they would carry me (for it was impossible for me to go, they had so misused me) I would show them his house. That pleased them well, and therefore they gave me a little Wine, with the which I came again to myself: then (being well armed) two of them took me under the arms, like a French Lady, and led me through Medrid. Some that did see me, said, They carry that man to Prison; others, to the Hospital: but none did hit the mark. I went amazed, and astonished, not knowing either what to say, or what to do; for I durst not cry out for help, lest they should complain of me to the justices, whom I feared more than death itself: and to run away, was impossible, not only by reason of my former ill usage, but also for being between the Father, Sons, and Kinsfolks, who for that purpose had joined themselves, eight or nine together, armed at all points, like so many S. Georges. We crossed many Streets, and went through many Lanes, not knowing where I was, or whither I did lead them. At length we came to the Sunne-Gate, and down a Street right overagainst it, I perceived a Gallant that came tripping it upon the toes, his Cloak jerked under one arm, a piece of a Glove in one hand, and a Gillyflower in the other, his arm keeping time with his foot, so that one would have taken him for the cousin german of the Duke of Infantado: he made a thousand several faces and odd countenances. I knew him at the instant to be the Squire my Master, who had stolen away my  at Murcia: and without doubt, some Saint or other (for I had not left one unprayed to in all the Litany) had brought him thither for my redemption. As I saw the occasion offer itself so fair, I caught hold of it by the foretop, and with one stone I determined to kill two Birds, that is, to be revenged of that bragging Cheater, and to free myself from those hangmen. Which to bring to pass, I said unto them, gentlemans, look about you, for yonder cometh the Gallant, that hath rob you of your honour, who hath only changed his Apparel. They blinded with rage and anger, without any farther discourse, asked me which was he. I pointed him out unto them: Whereupon they rushed upon him, and taking him by the Collar, threw him to the ground, where they kicked and cuffed him out of all measure. One of the young striplings, Brother to the Gentlewoman, would have run him through with his Sword, but that his Father hindered him; and calling Officers to their help, they bond him hand and foot. When I perceived the Cards to be thus shuffled, and that they were all busy, as well as I could, I began to show them a fair pair of heels, and went and hid myself. My honest Squire (who knew me) thinking they were some of my acquaintance, that demanded my Apparel, did cry out unto them, Let me alone, Let me alone, and I will pay for two Suits. But they stopped his mouth with good blows with their fists; and all bloody, bruised, and broken-headed, carried him to Prison: And I took my leave of Madrid, cursing both the Occupation, and the first inventor of it.   

CHAP. XI. How Lazaro parted from Madrid, to go into his own Country: and what happened unto him upon the way.  
I Was minded to put myself on my way, but I found my strength fare unequal to my courage; for which cause, I remained yet some days in Madrid: which I passed well enough, by reason, that helping myself with Crutches (without which I was not able to go) I went begging from door to door, and from Covent to Covent, till I found myself strong enough, and able to travel. I made the more haste, for a thing that I heard related by a Beggar, who, with others, was lousing himself in the Sun. It was the history of the Trunk, as already I have told it: adding, that the man whom they had imprisoned, thinking it had been he of the Trunk, had proved the contrary; for at the very instant that the business happened, he was at his Lodging, and no body thereabouts had seen him with other apparel, then that wherewith they had taken him: but that notwithstanding, he had been exposed to the public shame of a Vagabond, and banished Madrid. He told also, how the Gentlewoman's friends did seek for a Porter, that had dressed that Mess of Knavery, swearing to make a Syve of his skin with their Rapiers, if ever they met him. I opened my eyes, to prevent this accident, clapping a patch upon one of them, and shaving my beard like a Monk; for I assured myself, that in this disguise, the Mother that bore me, could not have known me. I departed from Madrid, with intention to go to Teiares, to try if (being new moulded) Fortune would mistake me. I passed by the Escurial, a Building which doth speak the greatness of the Monarch that did erect it, (for it was not yet altogether finished) and is such, that it may be reckoned among the Marvels of the World; though it cannot be said, that the pleasant situation hath been a motive to build it there, the ground being very barren & hilly: but well, the temperateness of the air; which in Summer is such, that removing only to the shade, the Heat is not troublesome, nor the Cold offensive, but exceeding wholesome. Within less than two miles from thence, I met with a company of Gipseyes, lodged in an old decayed house: who, as soon as they perceived me a fare off, thought I was some one of their Troop, for my attire did promise no less: but coming nearer, they saw their error, and were somewhat daunted with my presence, because (as fare as I could perceive) they held a Consultation, or were debating an Election. They told me, that that was not the right way to Salamanca, but to Valledolid. Seeing my business did not constrain me to go rather to one place then to another; I told them, that since it was so, I would see that City, before I went into my Country. One of the ancientest asked me, whence I was? And understanding that I was of Teiares, he invited me to Dinner for neighborhoods sake, for he was of Salamanca. I accepted his offer; and afterwards they desired me to relate unto them my life, and adventures. I did it, without any farther entreaty, as briefly as things of such moment could permit. When I came to speak of the Tub, and what had happened unto me in an Inn at Madrid, I made them laugh extremely, especially two Gipseyes, a Man and a Woman, who could scarce stand for laughing. I began to be ashamed, and to blush, when the old Gipsy, my Countryman, who had taken notice thereof, said unto me; Be not out of countenance, Brother: for these Gentles do not laugh at your life; being such, as it rather deserveth admiration then laughter: of which, since you have given us so full an account, it is reasonable, that we pay you in the same Coin. Wherefore, resting upon your prudence, as you have done upon ours, if the company will give me leave, I will tell you the occasion of their laughter. Every one answered, that he was well content; for they knew, that his great discretion & experience would not suffer him to go beyond the limits of reason. Know then (said he) that those two whom you see yonder, almost out of breath with laughing, are the Priest & the Damsel, that leapt naked out at the Window, when the inundation of your Tub had like to have drowned them; who (if they please) will tell you how and by what means they have attained to this state of life. The Gipsy offered herself very willingly, and craving the benevolence of the worthy Auditory, with a loud, but gentle and grave voice, she thus began her own story. The day that I came out, or (to say better) that I leapt out of my Father's house, they carried me to Prison, and put me in a Chamber, rather dark then clean, and fare more stinking then handsome. As for the worshipful Master Vruez, who is here present, and may disprove me if I speak untruth, they clapped him up in the Dungeon, till he told them that he was a Priest: wherefore they presently sent him to the under Bishop; who very sharply reprehended him for having been so faint-hearted, as for a little Water to have leapt out at a Window before all the World, and given such a scandal: But with promise that he made him, to be more wary and circumspect another time, and to do his business in such sort, as the ground itself should not be privy to his ingress and egress; he let him go, enjoining him for penance, That for three days he should not sing Mass. I remained in the custody of the chief Keeper or Captain of the Prison; who being youthful and lusty, and I young and not unhandsome, did whatsoever he could to please me. The Prison to me was a Palace, and Garden of delights. My Father and my Mother, though greatly displeased with my looseness, did what they could to set me lose, but all in vain; for the Captain did work all possible means to detain me still in his keeping. In the mean time, Master Licentiat, here present, went round about the Prison, like a setting Dog, to see if he could speak with me: which at length he did, by the means of a Bawd, the best of her Profession; who dressed him in the attire of one of her Maids, with a Petticoat and Waistcoat, and a Muffler before his Beard, as if he had had the Mumps: at this interview was the plot laid for my escape. The night following, there was great feasting and revelling at the Earl of Miranda's house, and in the end, the Gipseyes were to dance; with whom Canil (for so is the reverend Vruez now called) consorted himself, to have their help in his pretences: which they so well executed (thanks to his wit and industry) that we enjoy both our desired liberty, and his company, that is the best in the world. The afternoon before the Feast, the Captain kept more fiddling about me, than a Cat about a Tripewife; and made me more protestations and promises, than a passenger in a Storm at Sea: all which (as bound thereunto) I encountered again with the like. He desired me to ask him whatsoever I would, and he would grant it me, so it were not to be deprived of my presence. I thanked him very much, telling him, that to want his, would be to me the greatest mischance that ever could happen unto me. Perceiving I had hit the mark, I entreated him to carry me that night (since well he might) to the Earl's house, to see the Dancing. This thing seemed very hard unto him; nevertheless, not to go back from his word, and because the little blind Archer had wounded him with one of his Arrows, he did promise it me. Now was the High Sheriff in love with me, and had given charge to all the Guards, and to the Captain himself, to give me good entertainment, and to have a care that no body should carry me forth. To convey me therefore more closely to the Revels, he attired me like a Page: my Doublet and Hose were of green Damask, laid with Gold Lace; the Cloak of Velvet, of the same colour, lined through with yellow Satin; a Bonnet with a Herons-top and feather, and a Diamond Hatband; a Ruff with seeming Lace, and Peakes; Straw-colour Stockings; great Garters and Roses, suitable to my Apparel; a pair of White Pinked Shoes; with a gilded Rapier and Dagger, according to the fashion. We came to the Banquetting-Roome, and found there a great number of Ladies and Gentlemen; the Gentlemen jovial, and in good equipage; the Ladies gallant, and beautiful: and also many muffled up in their Cloaks, and Women with Veils. Canil was dressed like a Roarer; and seeing me, came straightways on the other side of me; so that I was between him and the Captain. The Revelling begins; where I saw things, which because they belong not to what I intent to speak of, I will omit. But at length, the Gipseyes came to dance, and show tricks: whereupon two of them grew to words, and so from one thing to another, the one gave the other the Lie; who answered him with a slash with his Sword over the head, that made him bleed like an Ox. The company, that till then had thought they had been in jest, began to be amazed, and to cry out, Help, help. Some Officers and Sergeants, that were there, began to bestir themselves. Every one put his hand to his Sword, and I drew mine; but when I saw it naked in my hand, I fell a quivering for very fear of it. They laid hold on the offender, and there wanted not some, who (being there set for the purpose) said, That the Captain of the Prison was there, to whose charge they might deliver him. The High Sheriff called him out, to give him charge of the Murderer. He would willingly have carried me along with him: but fearing lest I should be known, he bade me withdraw myself into a corner which he shown me, and not to stir from thence, until he returned. When I saw the Crab-lowse had let go his hold, I took my Domine Canil (who was still at my elbow) by the hand, and in two strides we got out into the street, where we found one of these Gentlemen, who brought us to their Rendez-vous. When the wounded man (whom already every one thought to be dead) imagined in himself that we were escaped, he rose up and said, Gentlemen, the jest shall end here, for I am in good health; and what hath been done, hath been only to make sport to the company. And with that, he pulled off the Cap he had on, under the which (upon an Iron Skull) was an Ox's Bladder full of blood for that purpose; which, with the blow that the other had given him, had been broken, & so spilt. Every one fell a laughing at the jest, except the Captain, who found it to be a troublesome one: for coming to the place appointed, & not finding me there, he began to seek up and down the room, till that ask an old Gipsy woman, if she had not seen a Page with such and such tokens, she (that knew the whole drift) told him, Yea, and that she had heard him say as he went out, holding a man by the hand, Let us go retire ourselves to S. Phillips. He went thither in all haste, for to seek me, but to little purpose; for he went towards the East, and we fled towards the West. Before we left Madrid, I had changed my  for others, and had two hundred Rials to boot: I sold the Hatband for four hundred Crowns, whereof I gave two hundred to these Gentlemen, for our entrance into their company; for so had Canil covenanted with them. This is the whole discourse of my liberty: If Master Lazaro doth desire any thing else, let him command, and he shall be served, according as his worthy and jovial presence doth deserve. I thanked her for her courtesy; and with as much as I was able, I took my leave of them all. The good old man brought me a mile on my way: and as we went, I asked him, If all those that were there, were Gipseyes, borne in Egypt. He answered me, The Devil a one there was in all Spain; but that they were all Priests, Friars, Nuns, or Thiefs that had broke out of Prison, or out of their Cloisters: but yet, that among them all, those that came from Monasteries, were the greatest and most notorious Villains, changing a contemplative life into an active. He returned to his company, & I on horseback upon S. Francis his Mule, followed my way to Valledolid.   

CHAP. XII. What happened to Lazaro in a Tavern two miles off from Valledolid.  
ALl the way long did I nothing but think upon my good Gipseyes, their life, customs, and behaviour. I wondered much, how the Magistrates would suffer public Thiefs to go so freely and openly; all the World knowing, that to filch and steal, is their only Employment and Occupation. They are the Refuge and Receptacle of all Rogues; the Sanctuary for Apostates; and the School of all mischief. But chiefly I did marvel, that Friars should forsake their sweet & quiet life, for the miserable and toilsome life of a Gipsy. Neither had I believed to be true, what the old Gipsy told me; had he not shown me, half a mile from the place where they were lodged, behind the Wall of a Close, a Man and Woman Gipsy: he frolic and lusty, she plump and comely; he not parched with the Sun, she not blasted with the unkindness of the Weather: The one sung a Verse of the Psalms of David; the other answered with another. The good old man assured me, that they were a Friar and a Nun; who, not above eight days before, were come to their Congregation, with a desire to make profession of a most austere life. I followed my way, until I came to a Tavern two miles off from Valledolid; at the door whereof, I found sitting the old Woman of Madrid, and the young Gentlewoman, of whom I have spoken. There came out a young Gallant, to bid them come in to Dinner. They could not know me, I was so disguised, with my Patch still upon my Eye, and my  right Beggars Cut; but I knew myself to be that Lazaro that was come out of the Grave, that had been so costly unto me. I went in after them, & stood before them, to see if they would give me somewhat: but it had been a hard matter for them so to do, having not enough for themselves: for the worthy Gentleman, that had played the Steward, had been so liberal, that for himself, his Sweetheart, and the old Bawd, he had caused to be made ready a little Hog's Liver, with a sauce to whet their appetite; all which, I could easily have gobled up, in less than two Morsels. The Bread was as black as the Tablecloth, which seemed like the Cassock of some Penitent, or the Malkin wherewith 
The ghostly Fathers enjoin to some for a penance, to wear black Buckram Cassocks, with a Wax Candle in their hands, to accompany others that do whip themselves.  an Oven is made clean. Eat, my Love (said the Gentleman) for this is a diet for a Prince. The Bawd fell too roundly, and said not one word for fear of losing time, because she saw that she was not to go often to the Dish; which they began to lick, and rubbe so hard, that (it being of Earth) they scraped away all the Varnish. Their pitiful and short Meal being ended, (which had rather provoked, then in any manner assuaged their hunger) the gentle Lover made his excuse, saying, That the Tavern was unprovided. I seeing, that there was nothing there for me, asked the Host, If he had any thing to eat? who answered me, According to the pay; and would have given me a little Hogs-Haslet: but I asked him, if he had nothing else? he offered me a Quarter of Kid, that the amorous Gallant had refused, because it was too dear. I thought to come over them with a Bravado, and so I bade him give it me. I went and sat down with it at the lower end of the Table; where, it was a sport to see how they looked upon me. Every bit that I put into my mouth, did draw six eyes after it; for those of the Lover, of the Gentlewoman, and of the Bawd, were nailed to what I did eat. How comes it to pass (said the Damsel) that yonder Beggar doth eat a Quarter of Kid, and we three have had nothing but a poor piece of fried Liver? The Gallant answered, That he had asked the Host for Partridges, Capons, or Hens, and that he had told him, that he had nothing else to give him. I, that knew how the matter went (and that for fear of spending, or for not having wherewithal, he had dieted them) did notwithstanding hold my peace, and ply my Victuals. I think in my conscience, that that Kids' meat was a Loadstone; for when I least took heed, I found them all three round about my Dish. The shameless and brazenfaced Wench took a piece, and said, Brother by your leave; but before she had it, it was already in her mouth. The old Mumbler replied, Do not take away the poor Wretch his meat from him. I will not take it away (answered she) for I do mean to pay him very well for it; and in saying so, she fell to it with such haste and greediness, that it seemed she had not eaten in six days before. The good Matron took a bit, to know how it tasted. What (saith my Gallant) do you like it so well? and therewith pops me a piece in his mouth as big as his fist. But I perceiving them to grow somewhat too bold, took all that was in the Dish, and made but one mouthful of it; which was so great, that I could neither get it backward nor forward. Being in this perplexity, there came to the Tavern gate two horsemen, armed with coats of Mail, Head-pieces, & Bucklers, each of them carrying a Petronel at his side, & another at their Saddlebow: who alighting, gave their Mules to a Footman, and asked the Host if he had any thing to eat? he answered them, That he had wherewith to give them good entertainment; and therefore, if it pleased their Worships, they might walk into the Hall, whilst Meat was a making ready. The old Woman, who hearing the noise, was gone out to the door, and came strait in again, with her two hands upon her face, bending and bowing her body a thousand times like a new hooded Monk, speaking as out of a Trunk, and wresting and wringling now one side, than the other, as if she had been in Childbirth, as low and as well as she could, she said, We are all undone, for the Brothers of Clara (for so was the Gentlewoman called) are at the Gate. The young Wench hearing this, began to take on, and to pull herself by the hairs, & to thump and mis-use herself, as if she had been out of her wits. But the young Gallant, that was stout and courageous, comforted her, and bade her be of good cheer; and that where he was, she needed not to fear any thing. I (who all this while had still the great piece of Kid in my mouth) when I understood that those Swashbucklers were there, was like to have died for fear; and had died indeed, had it not been that my Throat being stopped with the Meat, my Soul could find no passage to get out, and therefore was constrained to return again into her place. The two roaring Boys came in; and as soon as they perceived their sister, and the old Hag, they cried out, Here they be, Now we have them, Kill, kill them. At this uproar, I was so affrighted, that I fell to the ground; and with the fall, I cast out the Kid that did choke me. The two Women put themselves behind the Gentleman, as Chickens do under the Hen's wings, when they run away from a Kite. He with a brave spirit drew out his Rapier, and went towards them with such fury, that for very fear they stood still like two Statues, their words being frozen in their mouths, and their Swords in their Scabbards. He asked them what they would, or what they sought? and with that coming to the one, he pulled out his Sword, holding the point thereof at his eyes, and of his own at the eyes of the other; so that at the least motion of the Swords, they quaked and trembled like Leaves upon a Tree. The old Woman and the Sister seeing the two Bravachios so heartless, came to them, and disarmed them. The Host came in at the noise that we made (for I was already got up, and had one of them by the Beard) not unlike to the counterfeit Bulls of my Country, which children at first sight do fly from; but growing bolder by little and little, and perceiving that they are not wild, nor what they seem to be, do come so near them, that (having lost all fear) they cast & hang upon them a thousand Dish-clothes. So I seeing that those scarecrows were not what they appeared to be, took heart at grass, & set upon them with as much boldness as my former fear could afford me. What is the matter here, said the Host? What stir is this in my house? The Women, the Gentleman, and I began to cry out, They are Thiefs, that come following us, for to rob us. The Host that saw them without their weapons, and us with the victory, said, What? Thiefs in my house? And thereupon laid hands upon them, and with our help, did put them into a Vault under ground, notwithstanding any thing they could allege to the contrary. Their man, who by this time had given meat to their Mules, coming in, & ask for his Masters, was by the Host sent to keep them company. Then did he take their Cloake-bagges, mails, and other furniture, and locked them up; dividing their Weapons between us, as if they had been his own. He asked nothing of us for his Meat, that we might be Witnesses in the Information which he had made against them; upon the which, as an Officer of the Inquisition (which he said he was) and as justice of that place, he condemned them all three to the Galleys for ever, and each of them to two hundred stripes round about the Tavern. They appealed unto the Chancery of Valledolid; whither the good Host, and three of his servants did carry them. But when the unfortunate Wretches thought they had been before the secular judges, they found themselves before the Inquisitors: for the subtle and malicious Taverner had put within the Informations certain speeches that they had said against the Ministers of the holy Inquisition; an irremissible offence. They put them in dark Dungeons; from whence (as they thought to have done) they could not write to their Father, nor come to the speech of any that might help them. And there we will leave them in good hold, to return to our Host, whom we met on the way: who told us, That the Lords of the Inquisition had given him charge to bring before them the Witnesses, that had given evidence in the cause; but that notwithstanding (as our friend) he did advice us to absent ourselves. The Gentlewoman gave him a Ring that she had upon her finger; desiring him so to work, as we might not appear before them: he did promise it. Now had the Rascal said this, only to make us be gone; for fear that (if we had been heard) his Villainy (which was not the first) should have been discovered. About a fortnight after, there was a general Execution at Valledolid; where, among other prisoners, I saw the three poor Devils come forth with Gags in their mouths, as Blasphemers, that had been so presumptuous, as to touch with their tongue the Ministers of the holy Inquisition; men even as holy and perfect, as the justice they do administrate. They wore each of them a penitent Garment, called a Sanbenito, and a Paper Mitre upon their heads; whereon were written their offences, and the punishment to be inflicted upon them for the same. It grieved me to see the poor Footman pay what he did not owe: as for the two other, I had not so much pity of them, for the little they had had of me. They confirmed the Sentence of the Host, adding moreover and above to every one of them three hundred stripes: so that they gave them five hundred apiece, & sent them to the Galleys, where their brags & bravadoes had leisure to take breath and cool themselves. For my part, I did seek my fortune, & many times 
Magdelaine Field, is a place to walk in at Valledolid, as Moorfields in London.  in * Magdelaine Field did I meet the two Women, who never yet knew me, nor thought that I had known them. A while after I saw the young Gentlewoman, who had taken up a Lodging, where she lay backwards, and did let her fore-rooms, to get wherewith to maintain herself and her Gallant. As for the old Woman, she fell again to her old Trade in that City.   

CHAP. XIII. How Lazaro was Gentleman Usher to seven several Women at one time.  
I Came to Valledolid with six Rials in my Purse; by reason that every one seeing me so lean and so pale, did give me their Charities very freely, and I was not slack in receiving. I went directly to the Brokers; where, for four 
A Quartillo is three half pence.  Rials and a Quartillo I bought me a long Freeze Cloak, that had been some Portugals, even as threadbare as tattered and unsowne; wherewith, and a high Steeple-crownd Hat, with broad brims, like a Franciscan Friar, that I bought for half a Ryall, and with a Staff in my hand, I walked the streets. All that saw me, did laugh at me, and every one gave me their Squib. One called me Taverne-philosopher: another, Behold where Saint Peter goeth, apparelled as on a holiday Eue. Some would say, Gentleman of Portugal, will you have any Grease to anoint your Boots. Others there were, who affirmed, that I seemed to be the Ghost of some Hospital Physician. But I with Merchant's ears, heard all, said nothing, and still passed on. I had not gone through many Streets, when I met a Woman with a great Farthingale, and Pattens of the largest size, who leaned her hand upon a Boy's head, and was covered with a Cypress Veil unto her stomach; she asked me if I could tell her of any Gentleman-usher: I answered her, that I knew of none, but myself, of whom (if it pleased her) she might dispose as of her own. The agreement was made betwixt us without any farther delay, she promising me for meat, drink and wages, three quartilloes a day. I took possession 
That is 4. pence half penny.  of the Office, and gave her my arm, and threw away my Staff, as having now no more need of it, for I carried it only to be thought sick, and move people to compassion. She sent the Boy home, bidding him tell the Maid she should lay the Cloth, & make ready dinner. She led me above two hours up and down from one place to another. The first visit we came at, the good Gentlewoman warned me, that when we came nigh the house that she was to go to, I should run before & inquire if the Master or the Mistress were within, and say, My Mistress jeane Perez (for that was her name) is here, who desireth to kiss their hands. She told me moreover, that when she did stay any where, I was never to have my Hat on before her: I answered her, that I knew very well the duty of a Servant, and that I would perform it. I had an exceeding desire to see the face of my new Mistress, but I could not, because she was vailed. She told me that she could not maintain me alone for herself; but that she would find some of her neighbours whom I might serve, and that between them they would give me the consideration she had promised me, and in the mean time (till they were consorted, which would be very shortly) she would pay me her part. She asked me, if I knew where to lie a Nights? I told her, No. You shall not want Lodging (said she) for my Husband is a Tailor, and hath Prentices, with whom you shall share Bedding: You could not have found a better place in the whole City; for before three days be at an end, you shall have six Mistresses, and every one shall give you a Quarto, which will be 
3. Blanks are 3. farthings.  three Blanks more than I have promised you. I could not but wonder at the state and gravity of that Woman, who seemed (at the least) the Wife of some great Gentleman, or wealthy Citizen: and withal, it astonished me to consider, how for three poor Quartillos', and three Blanks a day, I was to wait upon seven Mistresses. But I considered, that something was better than nothing, and that the Office was not painful, a thing I hated as the Devil himself: for I have always chosen rather to eat Cabbage and Garlic without working; then to work, and feed upon Hens and Capons. When we came home, she gave me her Veil and Pattens, to deliver them to the Maid, and then I saw what I so much desired. I found, that my little Woman was handsome enough; she was brown, of a good behaviour, and comely feature. What I only disliked in her, was, that her face did shine like an Earthen Porringer varnished. She gave me the Quarto, bidding me come twice a day, once at eight a clock in the morning, and again at three in the afternoon, to know if she would go abroad, or no. I went from thence to a Cooks-shop, and with a Pie of a quarto I made an end of my allowance, passing the rest of the day like a Chameleon; for I had already spent the Alms that had been given me upon the way, and durst not fall a begging again, for my Mistress (if she had known it) would have eaten me quick. I went to her house at three a clock; she told me, that she would not go forth, but that she would have me know, that from thence forwards she would pay nothing that day she went not abroad, and if so be she went out but once in a whole day, I should then have but two Maravedies. Furthermore, she 
A Maravedy is the least money they have in spain, and is worth a little above half a farthing of our money.  said, that since she allowed me my bedding, she did also expect to be served before all others, and that I should entitle myself her servant. The Bed (to speak truth) was such, as it deserved well that prerogative and much more, for she made me lie with her Prentices upon a great Table, and the devil any thing else there was, but an old rotten threadbare Blanket to cover us. I passed four days with the plentiful Diet that four Maravedies could afford me, and at the end of them, there entered into the society a Taverners wife who was above an hour in bargaining for the poor quarto. To conclude, within five days I found seven Mistresses, and seven quartos a day of allowance, so that I began to live very splendidiously, drinking not of the worst Wine, though not altogether of the best, that so I might cut my Cloak according to my cloth. The other five were, a Sergeant's widow, a Gardener's wife, the bare footed Nun's Chaplains Niece (for so she styled herself) a wench for any thing; and a Tripewife, whom I did best affect, because that when she did pay me her Quarto, she would always bid me to some of her Tripe-broath, of the which before I went out of her house, I would send some three or four Porringers full into my guts; so that I lived so well that I pray God I may never live worse. The last was a devout woman (called a Beata) with whom I had more to do, then with all the rest; for she never visited any but Monks and Friars, with whom when she was alone, she was in her kingdom: her house was like a Beehive, some went out, and other came in, but all of them with their great sleeves stored with one thing or other. They gave me (that I might be secret) some pieces of meat, which they saved in their sleeves, out of their allowance in the Conuet. I never saw in all my life a better hypocrite than this my Mistress was; when she went through the street she never lifted her eyes from the ground; and her beads were never out of her hands wherewith she still mumbled her prayers. All such as knew her would desire her to pray to God for them, for without doubt her prayers were very acceptable unto him. She would answer them, that she was a great sinner (wherein she lied not, but cozened them with the naked truth.) Now had every one of these my Mistresses their set hours, when one had told me that she would not stir forth, I went to another till I had ended my task. But especially I was (and that without fail) to go find them again at my appointed time; for if by mischance I miss never so little, then would my Mistress, before all the company that she visited, scold and rail me out of my skin; & threaten me, that if I continued in this carelessness & negligence, she would seek out another Gentleman-usher that should be more diligent, observant, and punctual. So that to hear her brawl & threaten with such arrogancy, a man would have thought she had given me every day 2. Rials for my diet only, and 30 Ducats a year standing Wages. When they went abroad, one would have taken them for the wives of some Precedents of Castilia, at the least of some Counsellors. It fortuned one day that the Chaplains Niece, and the Sergeant's wife met together in a Church, and being both of them to return home at the same time, there arose a great controversy between them, which of the two I was to accompany, making a noise as if they had been in a Fair. They pulled and tugged me, one of this side, another of that side, with such rage and fury, that at length they tore my cloak in pieces, leaving me stark naked; for the devil any other  had I under it but a ragged shirt that looked like a fisherman's net. Those that through the casements thereof did cast their eyes upon the nudity of my flesh, did burst out into extreme laughter. Some would mock poor Lazaro; & others gave ear to the two women who pulled their grandfathers out of their graves. The haste I had to gather up again the pieces of my cloak, which, for being somewhat too ripe, were fallen to the ground, would not permit me to hear what they said one to another; only I heard the widow say, Where hath this Baggage (I wonder) gotten all this pride? but yesterday she was a Tankard-wench, & to day she ruffles it in her silks, at the cost of the souls in Purgatory. The other replied, But you Mistress Wagtail do mince it in your Stammel, earned of those who with a Deo gratias, and a God reward you, do pay for whatsoever they possess: and if I yesterday carried the water Tankard, you bear to day the wine Bottle. The company that stood by parted them, for they had already one another fast by the hair. Having gathered up the dismembered member of my poor cloak, I asked a couple of pins of a mumbler of Pater-nosters that was there, wherewith I mended it as well as I could to hide my nakedness: and leaving them brawling, I went me to my Mistress the Tailor's wife, who had warned me to come and fetch her at eleven a clock, because she was to go to dinner at a friends house; when she saw me in this pickle, she began to fall a scolding at me; saying, What do you think to earn my money by waiting on me thus like a Rogue? with fare less wages than I give you I could have a Gentleman-usher with handsome Trousers, a neat Doublet a good Cloak, and a comely Bonnet; and you do nothing but Tipple up all I give you. What Tippling (said I to myself) with seven poor quartos that I earn a day, when I earn the most, for many passed that my Mistresses for fear of paying me my quarto, would not go abroad. She made the pieces of my Cloak to be stitched one to another, and for very haste they put them upside downwards, in which manner I waited on her.   

CHAP. XIIII. Lazaro rehearsed what happened at a Banquet.  
WE posted like a Friar invited to a feast; for the good Lady feared there should not be enough for her. We came to her friend's house, where we found other women that were likewise invited, who asked my Mistress, Whether I was sufficient to keep the door? she answered them, Yes. Then they said to me, Stand here brother, to day you shall far royally. There came in many gallants, every one pulling out of his pocket, this man a Partridge, and that man a Hen; one brought forth a Rabbit, another a pair of Pigeons; this a piece of Mutton, that a chine of Pork; some drew out Sausages or Chitterlings: and such a one there was, that pulled out a Pie of a Ryall wrapped up in his Handkerchief. They delivered all to the Cook, and whilst dinner was in preparing, they sported with the Gentlewomen. What passed there between them, is neither lawful for me to rehearse, nor for the Reader to contemplate. But the Play being ended, meat was served in, and all sat down, the Gentlewomen plying the dishes sound; and the Gallants taking their Cups roundly. What remained upon the table, the women put it up in their pockets. The Gentlemen returning to their handkerchiefs, drew forth their last course. One brought out apples, another Cheese, another Olives, & one of them (who was the chief and stitched the Tailors wife) drew out half a pound of Comfits. This manner of carrying meat so near at hand for any necessity, did please me wondrous well, and therefore from thence forwards, I purposed to make three or four pockets in the first breeches that God should send me (for at that time I had not any) and one of them should be of such leather as black jacks are made of, very well sown to put porridge in. For if those Gallants that were so rich, and so noted, did bring all the provision in their pockets: and the Gentlewomen did carry it away crammed within theirs. I (who was but Usher to a crew of Cockatrices) might very well do it. We went at length among us servants to dinner, and the devil any thing else was there for us, but Porridge and Sops. I wondered that the good Ladies had not also put that into their wide sleeves. We had hardly begun to eat, when we heard a great noise in the Room where our Masters were. They disputed who their Parents had been, and what the women's Husbands were; until that leaving words, they fell roundly to blows, and pellmell one with another, did let hands, feet, teeth, and nails do their function, in scratching, biting, kicking, cuffing, and tugging one another by the hairs. The occasion of this Vprore (as fare as I could understand) was, that some of the Gallants would neither give, nor pay any thing to the Gentlewomen, telling them, that what they had eaten, did suffice. It chanced, that upon this stir, a Commissary, with other Officers of justice, did pass through the Street; who hearing the noise, came to the Door, and charged them to open in the King's Name: Which words being heard, every one began to run, one this way, another that way: One left his Cloak, another his Sword: This Woman left her Pattens; that, her Veil: so that all vanished, and hid themselves, every one where best he could. I, (who had done nothing for which I should run away) did not stir; but (as I was Porter) opened the Door, lest they should accuse me to have resisted the King's Officers. The first Sergeant that entered, taking first hold of me by the neck, said, That he arrested me: and being thus in his hold, they shut fast the Doors, and went to seek those that had made the noise. They left no Chamber, Closet, Buttery, Cellar, Garret, nor Privy unsearched: but seeing they could find no body, they took my examination. I confessed from one end to the other, who those were that were there, and what they had done. They wondered, that there being so many, as I said; they could not find any: And to speak the truth, I myself was much amazed at it, for there were twelve Men, and six Women. Wherefore I told them (as indeed I did believe it) that I thought, that all those that had been there, and made that noise, were Spirits; whereupon they fell a laughing at me. The Commissary asked those that had been in the Cellar, if they had searched well in every corner: they answered him, Yes. But he not satisfied therewith, caused a Torch to be lighted, to go down himself. Entering at the door, they saw a great Tub roll up and down the Cellar; wherewith the Sergeants being frighted, began to run away, saying: By God this man saith true, here are nothing but Hobgoblins. The Commissary, who was more crafty, stayed them, saying, That he did not fear the Devil; and with that, went to the Tub, and opening it, found within it a Man and a Woman, both of them as naked as their Mother brought them into the World, by reason, that when the said Commissary did knock at the door, they were a bed together upon terms of agreement, and had not had the leisure, upon the sudden Alarm, to take their Clothes; but as they were, had hid themselves within that empty Tub. They were all amazed to see them both so fair; but casting Cloaks upon them, they committed them to the custody of two Sergeants, and went on to seek the others. The Commissary discovered a great Earthen Vessel full of Oil, within the which he found a man clothed, and up to the breast in the said Oil: who (as soon as they perceived him) thought to have leapt forth; which he could not do so artificially, but that both he and the Vessel came to the ground, so that the Oil did rebound up to their Hats, and without any respect stained them all; which made them curse both the Office, and the Devil that first invented it. The Oily man, seeing that no body did stay him (but to the contrary, that all fled from him as from a mad Dog) betook himself to his heels; and though the Commissary cried out, Stay him, Stay him, yet nevertheless every one gave him way, so that he went out at a backdoor, pissing Oil, of the which he had enough out of his Garments, to maintain the Lamp of our Lady of Distresses a month and more. All the Officers remained drenched in oil, cursing him that had brought them thither, and me also: for they said I was the Bawd, and for such a one should be punished. They came out of the Cellar as Fritters out of a Frying-pan, leaving a tract wheresoever they passed. They were so angry, that they vowed to God and the four Evangelists to hang all those that they found; which made us prisoners to stink for fear. They went to Corn and Meal rooms to seek out the rest; and being there, from above through a trap-door was a sack of Meal poured upon them, wherewith they were all blinded, and cried out, Violence to the King's Officers: and if they thought to open their eyes, they were instantly closed up with water and meal. Those that had the keeping of us, left us to go help the Commissary, that roared out like a madman. But they were scarce entered, when their eyes also were filled with Meal and Water: so that they went up and down, as if they had been playing at Blindman-buff; and meeting one another in this manner, did interchange such Cuffs and Blows, that they broke one another's Chaps, and Teeth. When we saw them in such disorder, we came in upon them, and they upon themselves with such might, that being weary, and out of breath, they fell to the ground, where blows and spurns fell upon them as thick as hail, until they were as still as if they had been dead: for if any one did but open his mouth to grunt never so little, he had it straightways filled with Meal, and crammed like a Capon. We bond them hand and foot, and carried them into the Cellar, and threw them into the Oil, like Fishes to be fried, where they wallowed like Hogs in the mire. Then did we shut up all the doors, every one returning to his own house. The owner of the house, where these Reeks were played (who was gone into the Country) coming home presently after, and finding the doors fast, and that no body did answer (by reason that a Niece of his, to whom he had encharged his house, which she had lent for that meeting, was gone home to her Fathers, for fear of her Uncle) he caused the doors to be broken open. But when he found his house all strewed with Meal, and bedawbed with Oil, he was so vexed, that he took on as if he had been drunk: then he went into his Cellar, where he found all the Oil spilt, and the Officers tumbling in it. With rage and madness to see his goods spoilt after this manner, he took a great Cudgel, and gave the Commissary and the Sergeants so many blows, that he left them for half dead: then calling his neighbours to his aid, they carried them into the Street, where the Boys fell a throwing Mud, Dirt, and Shoo-Clouts upon them; for they were so full of Meal, that no body could know them. When they came again to themselves, and perceived they were in the Street, and vnbound, they presently rose up, and betook themselves to their heels; so that one might very well then have said, Stop the Constable. They left behind them their Cloaks, Swords, and Daggers; not daring to return again for them, that no body might know the Business. The Master of the house took possession of all, in recompense of the loss he had sustained. When I went out of the house, to go my way, I met with a Cloak that was none of the worst, which I took up, and left mine in stead of it. I gave God thankes, that I came off so well in that day's adventure; which was a new world to me, who was wont always to go by the worst. I went to the Tailor's Wife's house, where I found a great hurly-burly, and the Tailor taking measure of his Wife's ribs with a good Cudgel, because she was come home alone, without Veil, or Pattens, running through the streets with more than a hundred Boys at her tail. I came in good time: for as soon as the Tailor saw me, he left his Wife, and fell upon my jack, giving me a blow with his fist over the Face, wherewith he struck out those few Teeth that I had left me, and some ten or twelve spurns in the Guts, that made me cast up again that little which I had eaten. What (said he) infamous Band, are you not ashamed to come to my house? You shall surely now pay your old and new Score both at once: and calling to his Servants to bring forth a Blanket, they put me into it, and tossed me at their pleasures, and my great grief, leaving me for dead; and in that case they laid me upon a Bench, being already night. When I came again to myself, and thought to have stirred, I fell to the ground, and with the fall, I broke one of my Arms. The Day being come, by little and by little I crawled unto a Church Gate: Where, with a pitiful voice, I craved the charitable Alms of such persons as went in and out.   

CHAP. XV. How Lazaro made himself an Hermit.  
LYing at the Church Door, and making a collection of my former life; I considered all the misfortunes that I had passed, from the day that I began to serve the Blind man, until the present instant: And all Reckonings made up, I found, that rising early, did not bring on the day faster, nor continual toil make a man always rich; but as the Song saith:  
The early riser doth not thrive,  
So well as he whom God doth drive.  
To him I recommended myself, that the end might prove better than either the beginning or the middle had been. It was my chance to be close to a venerable and white-bearded Hermit, having a Staff and Beads in his hand, at the end whereof did hang a Deaths-head, of the bigness of a Coneys. This good Father seeing me distressed, with kind and mild speeches began to comfort me, ask me from whence I was, and what chances had brought me to this estate? I, in few and compendious terms, gave him to understand the long and large extent of my bitter and painful Pilgrimage. He was amazed to hear me, and moved with piety and pity towards me, he invited me home to his Hermitage. I accepted of his offer, and as well as I could (which was with no little pain) we came to the Oratory, which was two miles from thence in a Rock; close to the which, there was a Chamber with a hollowness in one of the walls, where his bed stood. Within the Yard was a Cistern with fresh water, wherewith he watered a Garden, more curious and neat, then  and spacious. Here (said the good old man) have I lived these twenty years, free from the jarring and unquietness of the World: this is (my Brother) the earthly Paradise. Here do I contemplate both divine and humane matters: here do I fast when I am filled, and eat when I am hungry: here do I watch, when I cannot sleep; and sleep, when I am weary of watching. Here am I solitary, when I want company; and am accompanied, when I am not alone. Here do I sing, when I am merry; and weep, when I am sad. Here do I work, when I am not idle; and am idle, when I do not work. Here do I think upon my bad life that is passed; & consider the good one that is present. Here, lastly, it is where all things are unknown; and where the knowledge of all things is attained. It did me good at the heart to hear the merrily disposed Hermit: And therefore I desired him to give me some notion of the hermitical life, for it seemed to me the quintessence of all others. It is by so much the best (answered he) that he only can tell who hath made trial of it: but we can not now have leisure to discourse any farther upon it, by reason that it is dinner time. I entreated him to give me some remedy for my arm, which was very sore. He did it with such ease & facility, as from thence forwards it pained me no more. We did eat like Kings, and drank like Germans. Dinner being ended, in the midst of our Noone-sleepe, the good Hermit began to cry out, I die, I die. I presently arose, and found him ready to give up the Ghost. Seeing him in this case, I asked him if he was a dying; he answered me, I, I, I: and only repeating I, died within an hour after. I found myself in a peck of troubles; considering, that if the man did dye without witnesses, one might say, that I had killed him, and so it would cost me my life, which till then with so much ado I had preserved; and that few witnesses would serve to convince me of the Fact, by reason that my Garb and Fashion would make me be taken rather for a Robber upon the highways, then for a man of worship. I came instantly out of the Cell, to see if I could find thereabouts any body, to be a witness of that death: and looking on every side, I perceived a flock of Sheep not fare from thence, towards the which I went in all haste (though not without pain, feeling the Tailor still upon my bones) where I found six or seven Shepherds, and four or five Shepherdesses, under the shade of certain Willows, near adjoining to a delightful & clear Spring. The Shepherds did pipe, the Shepherdesses did sing; some capered, and others danced: one held a Wench by the hand, another slept in another Wenches Lap. Briefly, they all passed away the heat of the day in Love-games & pleasant discourses. I came unto them panting & out of breath, desiring them, that without any stay they would come with me, for the Hermit lay a dying. Some of them followed me, leaving the rest to keep their flocks. Being entered into the Hermitage, they asked the good Hermit, whether he did mean to die? who answered them, I, (but he lied, for he had no mind to it, but was forced to it against his will.) When I saw that he persisted still in one & the same note, answering I, to all questions; I asked him, If he intended that those Shepherds should be his Executors? he said, I. I asked him if he did not make me his sole and lawful heir? he answered, I. I went on ask him, if he did not acknowledge and confess, that whatsoever he did or might possess, was due unto me, both for my good and acceptable services, as for divers things which he had received of me? he again said, I; which I, I wished might have been the last accent of his life. But as I perceived, that there was yet some breath in his body (fearing lest he should bestow it to my loss and damage) I went on still with my demands, causing one of the Shepherds to note down all that he said: which the Shepherd did with a Coal against the Wall, because he had neither Pen nor Inkhorn. I asked him, If he was not content, that that Shepherd should sign and subscribe for him unto his Will, since he himself was unable to do it? he answered, I, I, I, and thereupon died. We took order for his Burial, making a Grave for him in his Garden with the greatest speed that might be, for the fear that I had lest he should rise again. I desired the Shepherds to take part of a Collation; but they thanked me, by reason, that it was already time to drive forth their Cattles, for to feed: and so they departed, saying, they were very heavy for my loss. I locked fast the door of the Cell, and ransacked instantly every corner. I found a great Earthen Vessel full of good Wine, & another of Oil; two Pots of Honey, two sides of Bacon, much powdered Meat, and some dried Fruits; all which did please me very well, but yet it was not that which I did seek. I found his Chests full of Linen; and in a corner of one of them, a Woman's garment. Although that made me wonder, yet I wondered more, that a man so provident and thrifty as he was, should be without Money. I was in mind to go to his Grave, and ask him where he had put it; and me thought, that having asked him, he made me this answer: Thou Fool, dost thou think, that living in this unneighboured and solitary place, at the mercy of every Rogue and Thief, I was to keep within a Trunk (in danger of losing it) that which I loved & esteemed more than my life? This inspiration (as if really I had received it from his mouth) made me seek in every corner: but finding nothing, I considered with myself, That if I were to hide Money in such a place as no body might sinned it, where would I put it? I said, within yonder Altar; to the which I went instantly, and lifting up the Cloth that hung before it, at one side of it, being all of Brick, I perceived a Chink wide enough only to put through a Ryall of eight. 
A Ryall of eight is worth four shillings,  My blood began to rise, & my heart to pant. I took a Pickax, and in less than two blows, I threw half the Altar to the ground, and discovered the Relics that were there entombed. I found a Pot of Money, which I told out, and found the sum to be six hundred Rials. The joy & content that I received was so great, that I had like to have died. I took it from thence, & digged a Hole without the Hermitage, where I buried it, that (if I were driven from thence) I might find without, that which I so highly & dearly cherished. That done, I clothed myself in the Hermit's Weeds, & went to the City, to give notice unto the Prior of the Society, of what was passed; not forgetting before I went, to mend up again the Altar as it was before. It was my fortune to meet all the Brethren together, of whom the Hermitage did depend, which was consecrated to Saint Lazaro, whence I gathered a good prognostic for myself: who when they saw me already gray-headed, and of an exemplary aspect (which is most requisite for such Professions) although they found one difficulty, which was, that I had no Beard (because it was not yet grown again, having shaved it not long before) yet notwithstanding, seeing (by the report of the Shepherds) that the deceased had made me his Heir, they gave me the hold & possession of the Hermitage. But now I speak of Beards, I remember what a certain Friar did once tell me, which was, that in their Order and in others of the most reformed sort, they never make any Superior, unless he be well furnished with Beard: by means where of it comes to pass, that many who are sufficient & capable to exercise that charge, are excluded; & others preferred to the same, though unworthy, so that their Chin be well stored with down: as if to rule & govern well, did rather depend of hairs, than of a good & ripe understanding. The Brothers admonished me to live according to the example & good reputation of my Predecessor, which was such, as every one held him for a Saint. I told them, that I would show myself a Hercules. They warned me likewise, that I should not beg but upon Tuesdays and Saturdays, because if I did otherwise, the Friars would punish me. I promised them to fulfil in all points what they should ordain me (and the rather, because I had no great mind to come into their clutches, having already tried of what mettle their hands were made.) I began then to beg from door to door, with a low, humble and devout tone (as I had learned in the blind man's School) and that not for any need, but because it is a use & custom among Beggars, who the more they have, the more they desire, & with more gust. The folks that did hear me say, Pray bestow something towards the lamp of the good Saint Lazaro, and did not know the voice, came out to the Door, and seeing me, did wonder much, & asked me, Where the father Anselmo was? (for so was the good old man called) I told them that he was departed this world. The one said, Now God be with him and give him good rest that was so good a man. The others, May his blessed Soul enjoy celestial happiness. Some said, Blessed be he that led such a life; for in six years he hath not eaten any hot meat whatsoever. Others said He fasted with bread and water. Some foolish and Superstitious women would kneel down and call upon the father Anselmo. One asked me what I had done with his habit. I told her that it was the same that I did wear. She (without saying what she would have) pulled out her Sizars, and began to cut off a piece of that she could first lay hold on, which was just before my foreparts; whereupon I began to cry out, fearing she would have gelded me. But she seeing me so dismayed, said, Fear not Brother, for I will not be without a relic of that blessed man, but I will pay for the damage done to your garment. Ah (said some) without doubt before six months be at an end, he will be canonised, for he hath done many miracles. There came so many to see his Sepulchre, that the house was always full; wherefore I thought it fit to bring him forth under a Penthouse before the Hermitage: & from thence forward, I begged no more for S. Lazaro's Lamp, but for that of the Blessed Anselmo. I could never yet understand that manner of Begging, Give to the Lamp, or for to light the Saints. But I will not harp too much upon that string, for it will jar in the ears of those, who with the Saint's Oil do maintain the Lamps of their stomaches. I cared not much to go to the City, having within the Cell what I desired; yet lest they should say I was rich, & therefore I did not beg, I went thither the day following, where befell me that which you may read in the next Chapter.   

CHAP. XVI. How Lazaro would have married again.  
GOod luck is better than a patrimony; to an unfortunate man, a Hog is no better than a Dog. We see oftentimes many men spring from the slime of the earth, and without knowing how, they do find themselves rich, honoured, feared, & esteemed. If you ask, Is that man learned? one will answer you, As an Ass. Is he wise? As a Woodcock. Hath he any good qualities? As many as a Carman. From whence then cometh to him all his wealth? One will tell you, From Fortune. And contrariwise, many that are discreet, wise, prudent, full of a thousand perfections, and fit to rule a kingdom, do see themselves needy, scorned, dejected, and made the Dishclouts of the world. If you demand the reason hereof: One will answer you, A cross Fortune doth pursue them. The same (as I think) pursued and persecuted me, giving in me an instance unto the world, of what she is able to do; for since the foundation of it, no man hath been so tossed by that unfortunate Fortune. But to follow my discourse. I went through a street begging (as I was wont) for the good Saint Lazaro; (for I durst not beg within the City for the blessed Anselmo, that was only for Idiots and superstitious women that came to rub their beads upon his sepulchre, where according to their sayings, many miracles were done.) And coming to a door, and doing there as at others, I heard some body call me from the staires-head, saying; Come up, Father, come up: What mean you to be so strange? I went up, and upon the midst of the stairs (which were somewhat dark) certain women met me. The one hung about my neck, the others took me by the hands, diving with theirs into my pockets. All of them asked me, why they had not seen me these eight days? But when we were come up to the staires-head, and that by the light of the windows they saw me, they were all amazed, and looked one upon another as if they had been Matachines'; and in the end broke out into such laughter, that one would have thought they did it for a Wager, none of them being able to utter one word. The first that spoke, was a little Boy, that said, This is not my Daddy. But when this flux of Laughter was somewhat over, the Women (who were four) asked me for whom I begged? I told them, for Saint Lazaro. For Saint Lazaro, said they? Why, is not the Father Anselmo well? Well? (answered I) yes sure, he complaineth of nothing, for he died eight days ago. When they heard this, they fell all a roaring; and if their Laughing had been before great, their Wailing was now greater. Some cried; others pulled themselves by the hairs; all of them together made such a jarring Music, that a Choir of hoarse Nuns could scarce make a worse. One said, What shall become of me Wretch that I am, without a Husband, without Defence, and without Counsel? Whither shall I go? Who shall maintain me? O heavy news! What mischance is this? Another broke out thus: My dear Son in Law, and Master! How have you forsaken us, without bidding us farewell? O my poor little Children, now Orphans, and comfortless, where is your good Father? The little Brats held the Superius of that vntuned Music. Every one wept, every one took on; there was nothing but Sobs, nothing but Wail. But when the Waters of that great Deluge grew somewhat towards an Ebb, they enquired of me, how, and of what Disease he died. I told it them; as also, the Will which he made, leaving and ordaining me for his lawful heir and successor. There was the blow. It was there that tears was turned into fury, sobs unto blasphemies and wail into threatenings. You are some thief that have murdered him, to rob him; but you shall not brag of it (said the youngest) for that Hermit was my husband, and these three children are his: and unless you do give us all his goods, and restore unto me a garment that I lent him to disguise himself upon Shrove-tuesday, we will make you be hanged: and if justice be denied, there are Swords and Pistols in the world, wherewith to make you lose a thousand lives, if so many you had. I told them that I had sufficient witnesses, before whom he had made his wil These are all tricks & gulleries (said they) for the same day that you say he died, he was here, and told us, that he had no company. After I had considered with myself, that the Will had not been made under the hands of Notaries, and that those Women did threaten me; for the experience that I had of Law, and Suits, I determined to speak them fair, to try if by that means I might compass that which by Law I was assured to lose: as also, for that the tears of the young Widow had penetrated to the interior parts of my heart. And so I desired them to be quiet, telling them, that they should lose nothing by me; and that if I had accepted to be his Heir, it was only because I thought that the deceased was no married man, having never heard before that Hermits were married. They (all sadness and melancholy being cast off) began to laugh, saying, That they saw well that I was a Novice, and little experimented in that Office, since I knew not, that when an Hermit is termed solitary, it is meant that he is to be sequestered from the company and society of men, and not of women; for there is not any, but hath one at the least, with whom he may pass in exercises of action, the vacant time, from those of Speculation; imitating in that your holy Predecessors: and so much the more, by reason that they are persons that are better informed of the Will of God, who hath ordained, that man should not be alone: And therefore they, like dutiful & obedient Children, have each of them one or two wives, whom they maintain, though it be even of Alms; & particularly, the unhappy Wretch that is dead, who nourished and kept four; that poor Widow, and I that am her Mother, and those two her Sisters, besides those three Infants that are his Children, or at least that he held for such. Then she, whom they said to be his Wife, said, That she would not be called the Widow of that old rotten carcase, that had not remembered her at his death; and that she would be sworn, that those Children were none of his; and that from that time she did annul and break all contracts of Matrimony made between them. I than asked her, what the contents of that contract were? The Mother replied, saying, The Matrimonial covenants that I made, when I married my daughter with that ungrateful man, were these that follow; which, that you may the better understand, I must of necessity begin farther off. I lived heretofore in a Town called Ducnas, some twelve miles hence, having only remaining these three daughters, of three sundry fathers, who (to the nearest conjecture) were a Monk, an Abbot, and a Priest, for I have been always much devoted unto the Church. But at length I came to dwell in this City, to eschew the rumours which are frequent in such little places; for every one termed me the Ecclesiastical Widow, by reason that (to my grief) all three of them were dead. And though others presently did supply their places, they were men of little gain, and of less authority; who not contenting themselves with the Mother, laid snares to entrap the young ones: which to prevent, seeing the danger eminent, and that the gain was not sufficient to maintain us, here I pitched, and began to set up. At the report of the three Wenches, suitors came as thick as Gnats to the Wine-tap; but to none of them all did I ever incline so much as to Churchmen, being persons that are secret, rich, thrifty, and patiented. Now among others, the Hermit of S. Lazaro came a begging, and seeing this Maid, fell in love with her, and in holiness and simplicity did desire her of me for his Wife. I clapped up the Match upon these Articles and Conditions that I will tell you. First, he obliged himself to feed our whole household; and what we ourselves could earn, should be to apparel us, & to put up. Secondly, that if at any time my daughter did admit any coadjutor (he being somewhat old and crazy) he should not make any words of it. Thirdly, that he should hold and esteem as his own, all the Children that she should bear, to whom from that instant he assured all whatsoever he did or might possess; & that coming to pass, that my daughter should he without issue, he did make her his sole and lawful heir. Fourthly, that he was not to come into our house, when he should see a jar, Pot, or other Vessel at the Window; a token, that then there was no room for him. Fiftly, that if, he being in the house, any other did come, he was then to hide himself where we should bid him, until the other were departed. Sixtly and lastly, that he should be a Mediator, to bring hither twice every week some friend or acquaintance of his, to make merry with us at their own charges. These are (said she) the conditions, upon the which that Wretch betrothed himself to my daughter, and she to him. The Marriage was made & ended, without either Priest or Curate; for he told me that it was needless, since the essence thereof did consist only in conformity of minds and mutual intentions. I was amazed at the speeches of that other Celestina, and at the Articles of her daughter's marriage: I was perplexed, not knowing what to say, until they opened a passage to my desires; for the young Widow fell about my neck, saying, If that unhappy man had had this Angel's face, how much should I have loved him? and with that, she kissed me. After this kiss, there entered into me I know not what, that began to set me a fire; so that without any delay, or farther discourse, I told her, That if she were minded to forsake her Widowhood, and receive me as her own, I would not only keep and fulfil my Predecessors Covenants, but all others whatsoever that they would add. They were well pleased with that, and said, That they only desired, that I should put into their hands all that which was in the Hermitage, and that they would keep it. I promised them so to do, but with intent to conceal the Money for a need. The concluding of the Match was referred unto the next day; and that afternoon they sent a Cart to the Cell, wherein they carried away all, even to the ashes, not forbearing so much as the Altar-Cloth, or the Saints Garments. I was so love-nettled, that if they had asked me the Phoenix, or Water out of the Stygian Lake, I would have given it them. They left me nothing but a poor Straw-bed, whereon I might cast myself like a Dog. When the good Lady; my future Wife (who came with the Cart) saw that there was no Money, she was angry (for the old man had told her that he had some, but not where) and asked me if I did not know where the Treasure lay? I told her, No. She, crafty and subtle as she was, took me by the hand, that we might go seek it together, & carried me into every hole and corner of the Hermitage. As we went about the Altar, she perceived the side of the Wall which was newly made up, whereupon she entered into suspicion of me. And therefore embracing and kissing me, she said unto me, I pray thee my Love tell me where the Money is, that we may make a merry Wedding with it. I still denied that I knew of any. Then she taking me again by the hand, made me walk out round about the Hermitage, still looking me in the Face; and when we came to the place where I had hid the Money, my eyes were instantly towards it. She, who all this while watched but for that action, called straightways to her Mother, bidding her seek under a Stone that I had laid there; which she doing, met with the Money, and I with my death. But she dissembled, saying, Look here, we will live a merry life with this. Then showing me all manner of kindness, they presently (because it grew late) retired to the City, and left me until the next morning, that I was to go to their house, where we should make the merriest Wedding that ever was seen. God grant it (said I to myself.) All that night I balanced between hope and fear, jest those Women should deceive me, although it seemed impossible unto me, that a false heart should lurk under so good a face; for, as the Biskey said, If thy face be good, thy actions will be answerable. That night was a year to me. It was yet scarce day, when as locking up my Hermitage, I went to be married, as if that had been but a slight matter; not remembering that Eluira was my wife. I came to the house at their rising; where they received me with such joy, that I accounted myself a happy man; & all fear laid aside, I began to ordain and command as in my own house. We made such good cheer, & with such content, that I thought I was in a Paradise: We wanted not company, for they had invited five or six Women of their friends. After Dinner we fell to dancing; and, though I was altogether ignorant therein, they forced me to do the like. It was the best sport in the world to see me hobble up & down in my Hermit's attire. But night being come, after a good Supper, & better drinking, they carried me into a fair chamber, where there was a good Bed, and bade me make myself unready, & go to bed first, whilst my Bride was undressing. I did so, though contrary to the fashion of my country, where the woman hath that prerogatine. A maid was left to help me off with my Stockings, who told me, that I must put off my Shirt, for it was requisite that for some Ceremonies that were yet to be performed, I should be stark naked. I obeyed her: but I was no sooner in the Bed, but all the Women, and my Bride among them, rushed into the Chamber; and the first thing they did, two of them took me by the feet, & two by the arms, & tied instantly four cords about them, wherewith they bond me to the four Bedposts, leaving me stretched like a S. Andrew upon a Cross; whereupon they all fell a laughing like mad folks, & I aroaring like a Bull. But they told me, unless I held my peace, that I was a dead man. Then they took a great Basin of hot Water, wherein they popped my head. I burned myself, & which was worse, if I thought to cry out, they so belaced me with stripes, that I was constrained to let them do their pleasure. They scalded off my Beard, hair, eyebrows, and eyelids, saying, A little more patience, & the Ceremonies will be ended, & you shall enjoy your desire. I entreated them to let me go, for my itch of marrying was now cooled. But one of the boldest of them drawing out a Knife, said to the others, Hold him fast, and I will gold him a little, that his mortified flesh may not another time be tempted to copulation. The holy Hermit believed (I think) that all we told him had been Gospel, but i'faith it was not, nor Epistle neither. He would trust to women; he shall see now what will come on't. When I saw my precious stones in such danger, I struggled in such manner, as I broke one of the Cords, & withal, one of the Bedposts; being animated by a desire that I had, to keep my Bells for a Morris-dance. They seeing what I had done, for fear lest I should break all the Bed, unbound me, & putting me in a Sheet, they tossed me so long, that they left me for dead. These are, said they, Sir, the ceremonies wherewith our Wedding gins; if it please you to come again to morrow, we will make an end of the rest: & with that, four of them took me up, and carried me a good way from their house, and laid me in the midst of the Street; where the Day found me, and the Boys began to run after me, and do me a great deal of mischief: so that, to avoid them, I ran into a Church, close to the High Altar, where they were at Mass. When the Priests saw such a sight, which questionless resembled the Devil that Painters use to lay under S. Michael's feet; they all ran away, & I among them, to free myself from the misdemeanours of those Devil's incarnate. The people that was in the Church, cried out; some, Take heed of the Devil; others, Beware of the Madman. I cried out as well as they, that I was neither Devil, nor Madman, but only a poor fellow, whom God for my sins had visited with that misery. When they perceived, that I was not what they took me to be, they all were quieted; the Priests returned back again, to make an end of their Mass; and the Sexton gave me the Cloth of a Tomb, to wrap myself in. I went into a corner, where I considered the crosses of Fortune, & how on every side man is beset with misery; and therefore I determined to abide in that church & there end my days (which, in regard of my former woes, could not be very long) and save the Priests a labour of fetching me elsewhere, after my death.  
This is in sum (courteous Reader) the second Part of the Life of Lazarillo, without either adding or diminishing, but even as I have heard my great Grandmother tell it. If thou dost like it, expect the third Part, which shall no less delight thee.  
FINIS.