MJCROLOGJA. CHARACTERS, OR ESSAYS, Of Persons, Trades, and Places, offered to the City and Country.  
By R. M.  HEB DDIEV HEB DDIM  printer's device of Thomas Cotes 
Printed at London by T. C. for Michael Spark, dwelling at the blue Bible in Green 〈◊〉. 1629.   

The Author's caveatory Epistle to the understanding Reader.  
INtelligent and indifferent Readers: The frequent use of new Books should not only be a means to conserve in memory all material occurrences; but likewise to preserve for posterity such Patterns of remarkable prescription, as might easily induce (with an untyred delight) the mind of the Peruser. Myself therefore (having in the small journal of my life been acquainted with sundry passages in the world) shall fairly hope these collections to my Country men, will not prove altogether fruitless. The work in itself is of no great substance, not much Satirical nor Critical; it only glances, like the dogs of Nilus, taking a lap here and there, and not dwelling long upon any subject. And because many men, are less offensively reprehended by a conceited jesting reproof, than a serious; I have adapted it in the way of Characters, with a Language of suitable familiarity. They may haply appear at first view a mere congested Chaos of confused Chimer as, the Ideas or fantasmas of an Epidemicke Brain; yet on receipt of the least warmth from the Sunbeams of your favourable opinions, they shall easily dissipate all foggy mists of erroneous misprision, and be really clarified in your considerate censure; for though you may deem them somewhat promiscuously handled; I can well assure you my meaning herein was more methodical. That I present you with no curious Portrait of Cosmographical or Chronological relation, my slender reading in History▪ an● less judgement in the Mathematics may easily approve. Only I offer at the shrine of your serious considerations, this small piece of Charactery, comprising the Natures, Arts, Humours, ●nd dispositions of men. For which purpose and your greater contentments I have madly rambled through Court, City Country, University, &c If in the due form of a Character, I have either over roved, flown wide, or fallen short, it's not unlike you may impute it to my folly of precipitance. In this (I excusively make answer.) I shall not unfitly resemble the Painter, who being to figure forth the fury of a mad dog, the better to express it, stood long curiously piddling about the froth or foam issuing from his mouth; but finding nothing frame fitly to his intention; rashly takes up his pencil, dashes it against the Picture, minding to spoil it: howbeit this sudden Accident prevailed to make his work more excellent. So haply may I in these sudden Touches pencil out these mean Characters with a more lively tincture, than if I had been tediously curious in contriving, or vainly vainglorious to embellish them with the acquaint eare-hony of finest elocution. The world you know is at this time oppressed with nothing more than the Press▪ every one striving to distil th● dewy Quintessence of his brain, through the Limbeck of invention. Amongst the rest, you see, I have not altogether sequestered myself; but set apart some time from matters more serious, to collect such simples as may extract from my ivyce-barren Quill some few drops of your desired approbation. If I may be fate-blest so fairly, I shall futurely be encouraeged to exemplify these in a choicer strainor amplify to a competent number others, with a more pleasing variety. In the mean time for my present perclose and to stop the mouth of malicious malignity, who may without cause be exceptious: I only allege this, I have not searched deeply into any man's matters, a little I confess I have touched their manners, and perhaps started their humours; which if it prove currant to the courteous, I mind not the captious. But if it be generally misliked, as not answering your expectations; I conclude thus, if you be sorry it is no better, you may be glad it is no longer.  
Obsequious to your contentments, R. M.   

The Table.  

1 A fantastic Tailor.  
2 A Player.  
3 A Shoemaker.  
4 A Rope-maker.  
5 A Smith.  
6 A Tobacconist.  
7 A Cunning woman.  
8 A Cobbler.  
9 A Tooth-Drawer.  
10 A Tinker.  
11 A Fiddler.  
12 A Cunning Horse courser.  
13 Bethlem.  
14 Ludgate.  
15 Bridewell.  
16 Newgate.    

Characters, OR Witty descriptions of sundry persons, and places, their qualities, and conditions, etc.  

1. A fantastic Tailor.  
IS a tenth part of the Bombast that goes to the s●tting forth of a Man; and of himself could not subsist, but by being adjunct to the rest of his Regiment. He is commonly the Forepart or Facing of many Men in the World; when a fair Suit, of his own making, and the newest edition, presupposes a Shirt semblable; yet ofttimes sits nearer the Skin; so sit, so punctual, as scarcely admits any shifting Insertion. His Art in Numbers is not much fluent; yet in way of Substraction you may haply find him dexterious. His dealing consists not much in Weight; but in the Weight of his pressing-Iron, under whose Tyranny, you shall perceive no small shrinking. Only for Measure he improves himself no niggard, but rather cuts out with overplus, and has a gift to preserve large Pare to his own purposes. He condemns the Relics of Pride, and other men's superfluities to his Abyss, under-bord; whence is no Redemption, save only he reserves some Trophies of his Trade, to match pieces of like valuation; indeed as Monuments for his Posterity to make use of. He is a kind of skiping squey-legd Creature, keeps Company with Gentle men, and if you saw him at my Ladies, you would hold him some Usher of a Dancing-school; as being aptest in sight for a Cross-caper. By his clothes you might de●me him a Knight; but that, if you uncase him, you will find his S●tt●n Doublet nought but Fore-sleeves and Breast, the Backepart Buckram; his Cloak and Cape of two sorts, his Roses and Garters of my Ladies old Cypress. His fashion is to bring all out of fashion; yet I wears the French were the only People in the World, & commonly desires to speak that Language above all. He upholds in no Thievery to take what is brought, and stretch it forth to his best commodity. His slender skill in Arithmetic, (over and above his rules of Addition in a long Bill) has brought him to maintain this Maxim, that Division is most necessary, and Participation a main Particle of Thrift. In dead Vacations, he is not idle but oft practised upon Repair, where if a Sixe-foot creature chance to Perambulate to his Needles Point; at push of Pike he either foils, or in his Linsey-Wolsey Prison enfolds them. His discourse is rich and plentiful; the Argument he treats on, new Projects; and tells stories of the newest, and Devises your Court-Ladies have got up. He promises the Chambermaid a new shagg-wastcoate to induce her Lady to that modern fashion, not in respect of his own gain; but to show how well it might become her. Whether he be in the Books of a foolish Citizen's Wife, or a fantastic Lady is to him alike material. If for the one he make up Gown, Petticoat, or other garment; he vows the Citizens carry away now the only fashion from Court-Ladies set off in light colours, goldlace, etc. If for the other, contrarily he swears your City Drugs now are not worth a rush; rich Embroideries, Silks, Taffetas, etc. are most Ladylike, and in special request. He is an Ambo-dexter, or jacke of all sides, and will needs mend that which God made. He is in this vain Age much set by, for his quality consists of Invention, and Translation: and can readily shape an Ape into all fashions.   

2. A Player,  
IS a Volume of various conceits or Epitome of Time, who by his representation and appearance makes things long past seem present. He is much like the Compters in Arithmetic, and may stand one while for a King, another while a Beggar, many times as a Mute or cipher. Sometimes he represents that which in his Life he scarce practices, to be an honest Man. To the point, he oft personates a Roarer, and therein comes nearest to himself. If his Action prefigure passion, he raves, rages, and protests much by his painted Heavens; and seems in the height of this fit ready to pull jove out of the Garret, where perchance he lies leaning on his elbows, or is employed to make Squips and Crackers to grace the Play. His Audience are oftentimes juducious; but his chief Admirers are commonly young wanton Chambermaids, who are so taken with his posture and gay clothes they never come to be their own women after. He exasperates men's enormities, in public view; and tells them their faults on the Stage, not as being sorry for them, but rather wishes still he might find more occasions to work on. He is the general Corrupter of Spirits yet untainted, inducing them by gradation to much lascivious depravity. He is a Perspicuity of vanity in variety; and suggests youth to perpetrate such vices, as otherwise they had haply ne'er heard of. He is (for the most part) a notable Hypocrite, seeming what he is not, and is indeed what he seems not. And if he lose one of his fellow Stroules, in the Summer he turns King of the Gipsies; if not, some great man's protection is a sufficient Warrant for his peregrination, and a means to procure him the Townehall; where he may long exercise his quality, with clown-claps of great admiration in a Tone suitable to the large Ears of his Illiterate Auditory. He is one seldom takes care for old Age; because ill Diet and Disorder, together with a Consumption or some worse disease, taken up in his full Career; have only chalked out his Catastrophe but to a Colon: and he scarcely survives to his natural period of days.   

3. A Country Shoemaker,  
IS one, that seems to have some insight in men's dispositions, especially of his ordinary Customers; for he will soon have the length of your foot to an hair. He is not much unlike some careless Prelates; for he sets a smooth face on the upper Leather, but regards not the Soles slitting. His knowledge is merely superficial, and diues much into the Art of excoriation. The Butcher is the Prologue, or first branch of his profit: The Currier the intermedium or Chorus: Himself with the holp of his cutting-knife, makes up the Catastrophe, in Boots, Shoes, Pantofles, etc. He is an inveterate enemy to the lives of diverse dumb beasts, not caring how many are put to slaughter, so their Hides come cheaply to him. His Fox-furre pretending ease by drawing on; is the truest Emblem of his fraud and subtlety, intending rather to draw in for ●is own profit; and if you watch narrowly his insteps in a dark shop; you may  him uttering (if not charging) Calf for Neat. He is a great tormentor of improfitable Corns in a Common wealth; yet if you entreat him ●●ire, he is merciful enough, and will at Last give you ease. He is the crooked Toes jaulor, and oft keeps Chamber-●●●ds so fine in their feet, they halt downright. In the Country he always caries the Relics of S. Hugh's Bones, ●ill the hot Sunshine, converts him to Hay-making, or Haruest-worke. In win●●r season you shall by 8 of the clock, ●●ther find his nose steeled with a black ●ot, than his Awl with a Bristle. He is a ●ruce fellow at a Fair, & uses Trunk ●ose at a Wake. He pinches more at ●●e groats then any other Trade at twopence. His skill is very raw in the Mathematics; yet has taught many, being a while in his Leather prison, to prove weather-wise; and by pricking and shooting of their Corns perfectly sensible of storms ensuing. His greatest enemy is a Rich man with the gout, who never wears aught but slippers in all companies. He tells you the only Court fashion is to walk in Boötes, and swears they are the compleatest ornament of leg or foot. His main fear is a Parliament, lest there might proceed some new addition to the last Act, to thwart his designs, That as Butchers were forbade to sell meat on Sundays, so he should shoes▪ which if it happen, he vows neither King nor Beggar, shall pass his pinching jurisdiction so long as he upholds the Trade. Briefly, he i● one uses least conscience on Sundays when if your necessities bring you to hi● shop door, he will be sure to rac●● two pence or a groat more on the prie● for coming so unseasonably. He sing all the Rounds and Catches that Robi● hood had; and the Pinner of Wakefield is commonly the fore-horse of his Tenor. He deems good-Ale the only upholder of a clear voice, and wishes, that he which love's it not may never sing more.   

4. A Rope-Maker,  
IS the Lobsters Executor, and gets his living contrary to all men; he holds by that as a main end of his living, which catching hold on another proves fatal to his destruction; howbeit he seems Cowardly, and retires fearfully, as if he were working out his own Destiny. He is like some hypocritical Miser, that looks toward charity, and retires still to covetousness. Or by his posture of going backward when he looks forward; may claim affinity with the waterman, who rows one way, yet looks another. He is the Spider that spins from about his own bowels his threefold web, which may afterward entrap some silly Flies of misfortune. His Boy that sits still turning the wheel; (but for default of gravity) may expressly resemble the old Usurer turning and winding his money; himself the Money-master or Broker that goes up and down, twisting up the whole estate to his own Commodity. His wares are of several sizes, some great, some smaller; and the Beadle finds his as suitable to an Whores back, as the Hangman his to a Thiefs neck. His Ancestors surely were gardiner's or Field-keepers, and he derives his Pedigree from the Hempstalke. He scarcely knows his own Coat-Armes; but may be informed as followeth: On the borders or out-skirts of a fair field Argent, in midst of a three-turning Highway passant, three may wooden pillars, with cross banes, in shape of a Triangle, three fair Hemp-stalks uprearing from the foot of those Pillars, and entwining the body in manner of a Vine: then three Collars perpendicularly descending; with nooses of equal distance. A cross chevron of Cable, in the middle and uttermost part, and in the midst of the main Scutcheon two Beaters with heaved Beetles. The Crest a large bottom of round plaited packthread, in shape of a Turks Turban, and two Porters for the Supporters girt with a Trinodie of Ropes, and alike crossed over the shoulders in form of a Belt. To be serious, he is a man industrious in his calling, and his back retiring, brings him on more forward in the world. He is the Sailors hope-hold; for he cannot ride safely, without his industry. In fine he is constant to his business, and lets not slip his good occasions, till at length the cord of his life untwines and he returns to his grave, where we leave him.   

5: A Smith,  
IS a man principally composed of two Elements, Fire and strong Liquor; his dreams are oft Iron bars, Steel-gads Wedges and Thunderbolts, and he maintains his Antiquity from Vulcan. He upholds Wars the only trade at Sea, and welfare of the Land, and brags no man can live without him, deeming it most requisite himself should be matter of the Parish, and King of all Professions; according to the old verse,  
By Hammer and hand, all Arts do stand.  
He is the morning Cock, and the evening Hogge; for he always gins well, and continueth in the fire Salamander-like, till in the afternoon, when he comes to his Liquor, and has taken his load, can scarce see to drive one nail right. He is the Horse-Physitian, the Ploughman's right hand, the Seaman's stay, and the General's Commander. His Hammer frames speeches to the clouds, so loudly, that he rends the Air, tears the Earth, and brings down the tallest Cedars. He grieves more at the death of a good Gelding, than many men do at their wife's Funeral. He has ever an intent to travel to Peru, to see horses shod with gold; but could never get silver to begin his journey. He never caries envy in his breast to his Master, but pays an ill turn upon his Beast. He never rides with Boötes but when Skimmington keeps Holiday, and then a rusty Sword keeps warm his sides. He is a man most apt at bargaining, for he commonly strikes while the Iron's hot. He is no less ingenuous than industrious; for he is still hammering on some subject or other. The greatest harm he has done in the Common wealth, is his puffing of Sea-coal to so high a Price; for by his ordinary use, he has raised them to extraordinary rate. His head is oft too heavy for his heels, for he dreams of Ringals, Spavins, and Founders, and seems to have more skill in this kind than the best Doctor. He is a well experienced Horse-Phlebotomist; and to minister a Drench, has his Oxehorne always in readiness. He is never unfurnished of his Bath or Lotium-water, which has been ever a most approved receipt for the Itch or Scabbed hands. He has heard Markham's Method twice read over; and had Markham but known his secrets he had road in his foot-cloth long since. He has found out a new devise, to make Bi●s for War-horse, to o'errun the Enemy; and had he but coale● and Iron gratis, he would make an Iron instrument should charge and discharge 500 Muskets with one man. His great Grandfather was an Irishman, and sucked the blood of beasts; himself more English bred and leaves it to the hogs and dogs. His buckler is a brown Apron, and his weapon a Hammer. He Anuils' out his oaths and curses in fury like sparks from a ploughshare.   

6. A Tobacconist,  
IS a man furious, making all smoke again where he comes, and doubtless may prove a stout soldier in a Town where long siege hath made scarcity of victuals; for he most commonly prefers smoke-drinke before smok-meat. At first he is haply brought to use it, but for fashion-sake, until custom make it habitual: His Brainpan is lined like an old Usurer's Nightcap; and for his Belly, though it make a fair show outwardly; yet there are many sluttish corners within. The Pleurisy, Gout, and other diseases are to him as inseparable, as oppression to an Usurer, or gripping to a Broker. The Recorder, Flute, Hob●ise or any other Pipe the best Musician can invent, doth yield him such content as doth the Tobacco-pipe; or can afford him like Music to please his Nostrils; were it the Oaten Reed of that Rural Shepherd which so sweetly warbled on the Plains of of Arcady. Of all other Countries England is least beholding to him; for he prefers Verina, Trinidado, and other barbarous Parts before it, as being the best Seed-plots of those Drugs he most affects. In all companies where he comes, he is never unfurnished of his case of Instruments, which he will be ready to draw on any occasion for himself or his friend; and hath his stops ready at his singer's ends to make his Limbeck burn more fervently, till all be consumed to ashes. To conclude, he is a man dissolves himself in vapours while he life's, and being dead is fit for none but Surgeons to make use of. On whom I will bestow this Epitaph.  

Here lies one took all in snuff  
Whose life was but a Bubble:  
Now being dead, he's calm enough,  
And's friends are rid of trouble.    

7. A Cunning woman,  
IS the female spawn engendered between a Chirurgeon and a Physician, and would seem to have skill equal, especially when she meets with them who either believe or admire her. Her proceeding she never took in the Schools; for her learning is more natural, and came indeed of her Mother-wit; sodered up here and there with some fragments of observation gathered from gossipings and discourse with others of her society. Her Ingredients (though for several diseases) do never much differ; a few pounded Caterpillars, a roasted Bitch's marrow, Stavesaker, a little Bores-grease and Quicksilver, these are all to a Dram; of which (with a few simples) she can temper you a salve for every sore, and perform as great Cures as ever did Galen or Hypocrates. If it happen she be called into question by Authority, she (like the Snail) creeps into her shell, and either hides herself out of the way, or else brings in some of her sufficientst Neighbours to testify for her what great good she hath done in the Common wealth. After a while that she is grown thus perfectly cunning to deceive the world by her Physic; she haply proceeds further, presuming to profess the Black-Art, and will make you believe she has the stars at command, and can readily help you to any thing you have lost; provided you minister something unto her to find herself. If you would know what shall betide you in your affairs, let her but look in your Hand, or perfectly on your face, her skill is so exquisite in physiognomy or palmistry, she will easily satisfy your demands without scruple. She is first cousin to your Gypsies for Fortune-telling, and can with as much dexterity cousin you of your money, while she only pretends observing lines in your Palm. In brief, she is one so seeming skilful in many things, that indeed she has judgement in nothing; but one that by her juggling Impostures seeks not only to delude the world, but deprave men of that worthy calling and profession, to whom much honour is due. And so I leave her, as I find her, a Subject unworthy my further discourse.   

8 A Cobbler,  
IS a man never like to be preferred by his workmanship, for that right term makes him an excellent workman. He resembles most fitly an earthworm living under a stall; for he commonly keeps a little shop under a great one. He is a fellow so necessary in a Commonwealth, that few can be without him; for if any happen to step awry, he is strait ready to set them upright. He is one, though apt enough to take his liquor, fare better than the common drunkard; for he mends every day, and hour; yet contrary to all, is never on the mending hand on Sunday▪ He is most commonly a good Singer, good fellow, and a jolly talker. He sleeps more secure than any man, and never fears fire, and like a crooked Cravish, pray s the clean contrary way: Others pray for fair, he for foul weather. He brags that himself nor none of his were never known Bankrupts. He sets up his Trade for , scarce ever trusts twelvepences, and can command the best m●n in the Town to stay his leisure. H● holds a Smi●h, a man most unnecessary in a Commonwealth; it goes to his heart to see an iron-heele patch, or a hobnayle shoe. He is much vexed at the vent of Sparrowbils, and can as ill away with fashion of wooden Clamps, as being main obstacles to his profession. He should by some appearances seem an excellent linguist, for he his much inur'd with Translation. His Thumb and his Tongue are the best Instruments he makes use of, and the more he employs them, the better his wife is pleased, and the Consort more tuneable. In fine he is a stubbed fellow well bristled, and being armed with a welsh-hooked knife, or sharp scimitar, rips up before you many old matters, and brings Aule at Last to his own ends.   

9 A Tooth-drawer,  
IS a man highly feigned for his Art; for he got it beyond the Seas, as by Labels at his door may appear. As thus: Know all gentlemen, that I Signior or Mounsieur such a one, after long travail, and greet experience in foreign parts, beyond the Seas, have industriously attained many rare secrets, viz. To draw Teeth, set in New, mundify or make black Teeth white, rid the gums, or take away the pain without drawing; nor doth he rest here, but if need require professes the Cure of many other diseases, as Cramp, Convulsions, Gouts, Palsies, Catarrhs, etc. And can tell them at first sight, if they be curable or not. Howbeit, this superficial view must bring him some feeling, else he is not well pleased. His business is never performed in so much State, as when he is mounted upon his Palfrey or Irish Hobby, riding through the high streets of the City, like Caesar in his Triumph, his Clients following him laying their hands on their mouths, as though they would keep silence, till pain makes them roar out, which his horse or he perceiving, reflects back on them an eye of ruthful pity, strait plays the Constable's part to bid them come after him; and having felt their pulses, looks next into their mouths, to know their age, thrusts in his hand or fingers, and seems in this posture a Richard Corde-Lyon, diving to the heart or stump of hollow Teeth. Yet have I heard he has a trick to convey an iron punch in a handkerchief, which oft prove the jeopardy of a jaw to some of his Patients. He is a fellow very captious; for he is apt to twit you in the Teeth on the least occasion; exceeding desperate, for if you take distaste or find yourself aggrieved, though it be but a Tooth-aking, he is strait ready to draw. He is the mouths Gardener, that prunes the hedge-rowes of the Teeth, and like a Sergeant military set them in their due Ranks and Files. Those rott●n, ●a●ged and corrupt Teeth he has drawn from others have been the only means to draw in him customers; and he preserves them as Trophies of Triumph to dignify his B●nner. At spreading forth his Flags of affiance, streamer, Pendants, etc. multitudes of people commonly assemble; when the Cutpurse spying his best advantage, becomes a great sharer in the work, and can as nimbly employ his limetwig-fingers to draw a Purse, as himself a Tooth. Of all Trades in the City, he is most beholding to the Comfit m●ker; for he and his Confections have been a great bane to the Teeth, helped him to much work, and brought sour sauce to their sweet meats. To conclude he is a man only used at a pinch; and the use of his pincers h 's drawn his Patients out of patience. Those that have once tried him, hope they shall never have occasion to use him more. So I leave him, till pain pricks me to employ him, but desire no further acquaintance of him.   

10. A Tinker,  
IS a rude rustic ruff haired Compapanion, one that seldom walks without a Pikestaff, a Doxy and a Dog. He is second cousin to Vulcan, approves his genealogy from Tubal-Cain, rather of Cain then Tubal. His shop is always at his back, and he gets his living by making of holes; for he seldom stops one unless six more bear him Company. He desires most to be a free holder upon the Common: his house never knew the black Bible, but the black Pot is his nearest and dearest friend. His wife he seldom regards, but makes it the chiefest holiday when he lest sees her. In the summer season he is most frequent to be seen at the Royal Exchange of a Bush or hedge, where he commonly dynes upon an earthen Table, in the winter stows himself in some musty Barn. His complexion is sanguine, and he deems the Barber-no fit member in a Common wealth. His prayers are, The devil take me, or, God refuse me. In his talk, his full points are curses, and his first line o●thes, where after he hath rapped out some twenty or forty, he begins to swear, and he tells you he is seldom let blood in the face, or his Nose nailed on with his wife's fingers. He is one that haunts Wakes and Fairs like a spirit, and his Music is always a pair of wooden Organs under a Peinthouse, or a Cross which he love's not to see; beside his daily practice of the voice set and sung to the Tabering on a Kettle. He exclaims much against Gluttony, and wishes every Butcher's shop were turned to an Alehouse. He love's not to go upon Plantages, unless it be where every house hath a Brewhouse belonging to it. He pays his Landlords rend with blows and curses, because his house is not tenantable; for he'll bring the Door rather than want fine. He holds Banbury to be a place not to be pitied though in never so much misery. His heart is as hard as his hammer, his fingers smell like Birdlime. He thinks a Knave, a Drunkard, and a Tinker to be the best Commonwealths men and to make most stirring, of which he desires he may have an Inheritance.   

11. A Fidler,  
IS a Bastard of the Muses; one that by early rising and la●e watching scrapes out a poor living; for he is wakeful as the Bellman, and many times after two or three hours' earnest looking up for reward is crowned with a Pisspot. If you would know of any merry meeting or Feasting, follow but him, and you cannot miss the way; he has still the best in elligence of them all You may perceive by the Rosemary and Ribbon in his hat where he was the last Sunday, nor can the Clarks book better certify you who was the Bride and Bridsgroom; himself being there a man of greatest Request. At any Fair, Wake, May pole rearing, or Whitsun-ale, you shall rarely want his company, but find him always in readiness to bid you welcome; And if haply some generous Gentleman lie in his way, he will not miss to give him his morning's salutation, be he stranger, or otherwise: he has his name or style as ready in his mouth, as if he had been his old acquaintance or nearest kin. His skill by the ear is much in the sounds and different tones of music, yet stands best affected to the chinking of money. He may for his impudence resemble most fitly the Tongue of a jewes-trumpe; which though oft repulsed by the finger, returns with more eagerness to his full Twang. His fingers are so pliant to his Instrument, that though he chance to screw his head backwards into a pottle pot, yet forgets not his lesson, but by rote plods forward in his play. His Boy is the sweet singing Bird hung forth at a Tavern door next the street, that proffers his notes to all passengers. He traverses all Companies, feeds on all sorts of diet, receives all men's gratuities. If his largesse come off lamely, he goes forth of your company with a grand grumble more base than his Viol; If largely, his Kitt and he jog away merrily together. When he gets but some Songs or Sonnets patched up with Kibaldrie, or interlarded with any thing against the state, they are main helps to him, and he will adventure to sing them though they cost him a whipping for his labour. His head is troubled with many Crotchets, and he oft strives to strain his strings a note beyond Ela; till many times both crack together. If he chance to get a Livery on his back of some noble personage, he is well worthy your entertainment, and you must pay to his Coat. You cannot anger him worse, then by telling him of the Doctor's grace, and should you repeat but a line, his melody would convert to a malady. Yet he may haply bear out that or any thing, for his quality with community of knocks and rough language, has armed him for Battery and an Assass' ination. To conclude, he is a man never much respected, though sometimes accepted in men's companies: and then better heard then seen.   

12. A cunning Horse-Courser,  
IS a person so altogether compact of a Country habit, that he love's not a black hat: A skilful Farrier is his friend's enemy. He reads Markham's Method, and Banks is his old acquainttance. He keeps his best horses in the worst clothes, and his worst jades be richest on weekdays. He hath the Racers, Breeds, and Climates of the best in England; for variety of Barbary, Spanish, English, Flaunders and Irish breed, his race, his hunting, drawing, or all in one if you please. Of his bastard sort the Sire and Dam he keeps an exact Catalogue, and freely offers to let you have the trial of him any morning to Highgate; and ten to one he will spend so much time to ride with you himself, where haply his Copers be before to carry him back upon some new bargain; but ere you get to London you are catcht in his fetlocks, and he fastens on you a jade that dare not clim● Highgate hill. He is a man not much affected with Pride, but makes commonly his prancing serve as a Prologue to his profit He trots, ambles, gallops, rebounds and treads the Measures in all variety of Paces: he circumuents Smithfield with curvets, and leaps madly through thick and thin, seeming in his full career, ready to outstrip Pegasus. He keeps at all Fairs in Country habits, and the change of his clothes is as frequent as the Moons. He prefers a stout horse before a stubborn wife, and with more delight manages the one than the other. If a lusty Courser come to his hand, his beast and he must trace the prime streets of the City; for his visit is Cheapside, Cornwall, Watling, street, etc. Being thus mounted, he begins to elevate his voice in a lofty Tone set by himself, and can speak no other language on his back but 100 Angels, which oft he should have been blest with from such and such a Knight, and this the only beast that makes him rich, for he won at least 7 Races in six weeks. What he swears and lies he has vouchers for, and the best remedy you can have, if he prove a jade, is, that you never take him for an honest man. But leave him as he is, till he mend his manners.   

13. Bethlem.  
IS a place of rest for restless persons, where though many meet and all of one Nation, yet show several conditions. You may haply hear a confused hubbub of contrariety in their speeches, yet many times harp upon something that men more sensible than themselves may make ●se of. It is a place where many a stout heart has been tamed & brought under. Where this house is, scarce any need ask, yet may it in some sort seem questionable, and this Theme challenge a larger comment then ordinary; for but well consider, and we shall find many bedlams elsewhere, as in Court, City, Country, University, etc. Are there not Court Bedlams, that conform themselves merely to all forms of new fashions, that expend time to raise up a puff-paste honour, which as children's bubbles vanish immediate, irrecoverable, or bring in the catastrophe a disgraceful precipitation. City Bedlams that seeming cautelous, prove oft too credulous, and by giving much credit to others themselves have none left; or contrary rake and scrape together they know not what for they know not whom. Country Bedlams that have sold their Farms to buy them a Pedigree, and at last left themselves no Patrimony. University Bedlams, that have studied their Majors, Minors, Antecedent and Consequent to be at length concluded Coxecombs. This place therefore is not only confined between More fields and Bishopsgate-streete, but may prove more ample in extent then the King hath any Land.   

14. Ludgate.  
IS the main Prop, or surest upholder of Ancient Citizens, who are declined from the Nominative of credit to the Vocative of Caret; having multiplied in O●latiue, Substracted in the Ablative. The City is the circumference, this the Centre, or as the Fox said by the Furriers shop the surest place to meet in. It is a Receptacle of Complainers against dead vacations, who have perhaps made up their catastrophe in the quickest Term. It is the resting place or cares and troubles, a full poise of misery or safe harbour of ill husbandry. It is a kind of Inns of Court, where men gather more by experience then study, and have the Law at their finger's ends. The Keepers in it resemble Ashen trees, bearing fruit, which they turn to no men's profit but their own; and seem to have power to open and shut to all under their charge, as those that receive Keys from S. Peter: for you shall perceive them no less skilful in the sounds and stops of each then the most curious and best Musician. They are men of much circumspection, and look more warily to their several wards then the cunningest Fencer, pressed to play his Masters-prize. Shortly, it is a house ch●ap●ier purchased then kept, and a man's great'st Fine is paid at parting. It is the Bankrupts bait, which at first he greedily swallows, after is swallowed up of. The Speedwell never winters here, but the Hope-well has cast Anchor.   

16. Bridewell.  
BRides-well, or Bridgets well, is the City Schoolmistress, that by due correction tames and brings under her unruly obstinate children of both sexes; those that have drank, or indeed but throughly tasted of this well, will commonly ever after be most cautelous of any relapse to return thither for a second cure. It is a fair, free, hospitable open house for all comers. The complaint of Guests hither invited or rather incited, seems quite contrary to that of common Inns, where fault is most found for want of observance, the distaste here growing of more followers than needs: Howbeit their Attendants, (as persons well deserving) are men in Liveries, Beadles in Blue-coats, who hold as much land by giving out statute lace, as your Bosomes-Inne Carrier's by delivering cheeses at Christmas: They are ready waiters on your backs on any occasion, and their main service a full satiety of whipping-cheare. They are men not fluent in discourse, yet captious in your company, much inclined to criticism, and so Satirical, that on the le●st fault committed they are ready to give you a jerk. They much resemble the Momusses of our times, affected with the spirit of Detraction; only in this different, their hands rather than tongues are the greatest Backbiters. Their best exercise is running and driving at a Cart's Tail; where they take as much pride in the posture and practice of their weapon, as a dexterious Fencer before a Company at Simon and jude, and are no less bountiful and free in the open Markets, then at their own Hall Table. They are men of large Commission, extentive in jurisdiction to the utmost part of their Regiment, even from the Whore rampant, to the poor Rogue couchant, and are as cunning in conveyances and slights as a juggler; for he is no more but Whip, Pass, and Be gone; yet these are never out of action. It is an Amsterdammicall Conventicle, translated only in the Clime; or an hotchpotch of people different in Age, Sex, Nation, Disposition, not seldom in Religion; yet every one uses that little conscience he has, so fare as the whip will give him leave. Not unlike the Family of Love, for they have here all things in common, which I think commonly is little or nothing, unless the Whip, Stocks, or Pillory. You have here the grand gross Bawd, Provocatious Pander, ungracious Lecher, audacious Whore, ungracious Kave; rude Ruffians, Runagates, Cheats, Pimps, Nips, Foists, Decoys, & multa alia quae nunc, etc. And though it be every week swept over by the Besom of authority, yet is this muckhill replenished daily with stuff of the like kind. It is a Beehive of Drones, where the good sting them home to the old abode, a Pill to purge vagabonds out of the Commonwealth, and a Currycomb for Hackney whores to reduce them to their pristine reputation; for if after punishment you so chance to call them, they get you on the hip, and have the Law on their own sides. It is a well compacted Commonwealth of workers against their wills, where the awe of the whipstock confines them to the laborious stroke of the hempe-blocke, and the turning of the wheel a daily Memento of turning over a new leaf. It is a bit or bridle for Roaring Boys that fly out beyond their bounds, or a civil government of persons in behaviour most uncivil, where, though many meet roughly all strangers, yet here grow calm enough and work together like neighbours. It is a Receptacle of Rogues, Ruffians and Runagates, who never serve God but on Saturday mornings, and then call on him but with small devotion: when the storm is over, all is salved up with a sob and a sour face. It is a stepdame to stubborn natures who would never be ruled by their more natural mother: An Empiric in a diseased climate, that by a skilful Phlebotomy, with well managing of a small knotted whipcord, has preserved many from the fare of a hard hempen halter, and cleansed both City & Suburbs of much corruption. It may not unfitly be termed the Trades Increase, or Cities Hope-well, where her stubborn youth are made wieldy, brought up in handicraft professions. It is the Real Exchange of good housewives, whither they commonly resort for their Hemp, Flax, or Tow, and here find it ready beaten to their hands by those, who haply thought little to have come under jurisdiction of Block and Beetle.  

The tenor of the new Law.  
All graceless wights that lead Luxurious lives,  
Bold roaring Boys, base Queans, & unchaste wives,  
Cutpurses, Canters, Cheaters, Hie-way-standers,  
Bawds, Bouncing-Megs, Decoys, Punks, Pimps and Panders  
All vagrant Vagabonds o'th' Commo wealth,  
Sharks, Prigs, Nips, Foists, that pill and live by stealth;  
Whole swarms of lazy Drones in corners lurking,  
That rather choose to hang then fall to working:  
These with their carst confederates, all must stand  
Tothth' new laws judgement, that doth straight command  
An equal penance for their crime most meet,  
That (yoked in Carts) they now must purge the street  
Of noisome Garbage, carry Dirt and Dung;  
The Beadles following with a mighty throng;  
Whilst as they pass the people scoffing say,  
Holla, ye pampered jades of Asia.  
The knotty Whip could never half so sling ye  
As this new law; the very shame will bring ye,  
(If ever) now to mend, else still ye must  
Drive, till ye sweat again in Dirt and Dust,  
Bore faced in public view throughout the City;  
While all men laugh, and few or none will pity:  
Just is that law, whose sentence thus enforces  
All those who lived as Beasts, to draw like Horses.   
To conclude, it is the latter course of a full Banquet served in Salads and sharp Tarts, or the sour sauce to the sweet meats of Venery. It is a Diet-drink most wholesome for a Whoremonger, or a principal receipt for the Itch of concupiscence. In fine a free Hospital for the Remedy of sundry diseases, whither many are brought, upon cure purged and passed away: the lazy Drones from Idleness, lewd Lechers from Luxury, vain unthrifts from Prodigality, old persons from vildness, youth from wildness, all if possible to goodness▪ Whence if any depart and mend not, an hundred to one they drop into the Hangman's Budget.   

16. Newgate.  
IS the old way to an ill Destiny, or the Highway to look through a hempen window. It is the Blacke-dogs walk of an ill conscience, and the period of a purloiner. It is the suburbs of hell, and not seldom under the jurisdiction of Furies. It is a dangerous Hellespont, wherein many setting forth are ship wracked in their journey. It is a dark Cell of care, and dungeon of despair, a place that sends all worse forth, and scarce any mend. It is a promiscuous rabble of Rogues, Villains, and Whores, where if once they pass the fiery trial they soon grow master; they love not to ride, and ever fear the changing of the Moon. All good deeds of charity, they turn to sin and wickedness: The Tapster's purse, and the Tobacco-shop is their Treasury, and he that swears and drinks most is of best respect: The stoutest Rogue has there most credit, and the cunningest foist wins best esteem. All ill is the highest aim, and he that hath been longest ●heeuart is the worst member, keeps the remembrance. book and is grown a Schoolmaster fit for the Devil; so absolute a Rogue that he grows in office to see sin correct vice. He summons juries, judges, and can tell fortunes to all comers. He has a Title suitable to his disposition, and goes under the name of Corporal Craft. Briefly, it is a Cage of unclean Birds, a Coop of Coney-catches, and an Abyss of all Abominations.   
FINIS.