THE Meeting of Gallants at an Ordinary: OR The Walks in Paul's.  
VERITAS VIRESCIT VULNERE  
T C   printer's or publisher's device 
LONDON Printed by T. C. and are to be sold by Matthew Law, dwelling in Paul's Churchyard. 1604.   

A Dialogue between War, Famine, and the Pestilence, blazing their several Evils.  The Genius of War. 
FAmine and Pestilence, Cowards of Hell,  
That strike in peace, when the whole worlds vnarmde:  
Tripping up souls of Beggars, limbless wretches,  
Hole-stopping Prisoners, miserable Catchpoles,  
Whom one vocation stabs, dare you Furies  
Confront the Ghost of crimson passing War?  
Thou bleake-cheekt wretch, one of my plenteous wounds  
Would make thee a good colour.  Famine. 
I Defy,  
Thy blood and thee, 'tis that which I destroy,  
I'll starve thee War for this.  War. 
Alas weak Famine;  
Why, a Tailor is the saridest man thou killt  
That lives by bread, thou darest not touch a Farmer,  
No nor his griping Son in Law that weds  
His daughter with a dowry of stuffed Barns,  
Thou run'st away from these, such makes thee fly,  
And there thou lightest upon the Labourers maw,  
Breakest into poor men's stomachs, and there driuct  
The sting of Hunger like a Dastard.  Famine. 
BAstard,  
Peace War, lest I betray thy monstrous births  
Thou knowest I can derive thee.  Pestilence. 
And I both.  War. 
ANd I repugn you both, you hags of Realms,  
Thou Witch of Famine, and Drab of plagues:  
Thou that makest men eat slovenly, and seed  
On excrements of Beasts, and at one meal  
Swallow a hundred pound in very Doves-dung.  Famine. 
Therein thou tellest my glory and rich power.  War. 
And thou.  Pestilence. 
BEware War how thou speakest of me,  
I have friends here in England, though some dead  
Some still can show, where I was borne and bred;  
Therefore be wary in pronouncing me:  
Many have took my part, whose Carcases  
Lie now ten sadome deep: many alive  
Can show their scars in my contagious Duarrell:  
War, I surpass the fury of thy stroke,  
Say that an Army forty thousand strong,  
Enter thy crimson lists, and of that number,  
Perchance the fourth part falls, marked with red death?  
Why, I stay forty thousand in one Battle,  
Full of blue wounds, whose cold clay Bodies look  
Like speckled Marble.  
As for lame persons, and maimed Soldiers  
There I outstrip thee too; how many Swarms  
Of bruised and cracked people did I leave,  
Their Groins sore pierced with pestilential Shot:  
Their Armpits digged with Blains, and ulcerous Sores,  
Lurking like poisoned Bullets in their flesh?  
Othersome shot in the eye with Carbuncles,  
Their Lies as monstrous as the Saracens.  War. 
THou plaguy woman, cease thy infectious brags,  
Thou pestilent strumpet, base and common murderess, e  
What men of mark or memory have fell  
In they poor purple Battle, say thou'st slain  
Four hundred Silkweavers, poor Silkwormes, vanished  
As many Tapsters, Chamberlains, and Ostlers,  
Darest thou contend with me thou freckled-Harlet,  
And match thy dirty Glories, with the Splendour  
Of Kingly Tragedies acted by me?  
When I have died the green stage of the field,  
Red with the blood of Monarches, and rich states,  
How many Dukes and Earls, have I drunk by  
At one courageous Rows? O Summer Devil,  
Thou wast but made as Rat's bane to kill Bawds,  
To poison Drunkards, vomiting out their Souls  
Into the Bulk of Hell, to infect the Corpse  
Of Pewter-buttonde sergeant, such as these  
Uenome whole Realms: and as Physicians say,  
Poisons with poison, must be forest away.  Pestilence. 
War, twit not me with double damned Bawds,  
Or prostituted Harlots, I leave them  
For my French Nephew, he reigns over these:  
I'll show you both how I excel you both.  
Who ever read that Usurers died in War  
Grasping a Sword, or in an iron year,  
Languished with Famine? but by me surprised  
Even in their Counting houses, as they sat  
Amongst their golden Hills: when I have changed  
Their Gold into dead tokens, with the touch  
Of my pale-spotted, and infectious Rod,  
When with a sudden start and ghastly look,  
They have left counting Coin, to count their flesh,  
And sum up their last usury on their Breasts,  
All their whole wealth, locked in their bony Chests.  War. 
ARe Usurers then the proudest Acts thou play'dst?  
Pack-Penny fathers, Covetous rooting Moles,  
That have their gold thrice higher than their souls:  
Is this the Top of all thy glorious Laughters,  
To aim them at my princely Massacres?  
Poor Dame of Pestilence, and Hag of Famine,  
I pity your weak furies.  Famine. 
OH I could eat you both,  
I am so torn with Hunger, and with Rage:  
What is not flinty Famine, gasping Dearth,  
Worthy to be in rank weth dusty War?  
And little Pestilence, are not my Acts  
More stony-pittilesse than thine, or thine?  
What be't to die stamped full of drunken wounds,  
Which makes a man reel quickly to his Grave,  
Without the sting of Torments, or the sense  
Of chawing Death by piecemeal? undons and done,  
In the forth part of a poor short Minute?  
'tis but a bloody flumber, a read dream,  
Not worthy to be named a torturing Death,  
Nor thine thou most infectious City name,  
That for thy Pride art plagued, bear'st the shape  
Of running Pestilence, those which thou strikest  
Were death within few days upon their hearts,  
Or else presage amendment: when I reign,  
Heaven puts on a bresse, to be as hard in blessing,  
As the earth fruitless in increasing. Oh,  
I rack the vatnes and Sinews, lancks the lungs,  
Freeze all the passages, plough up the Maw:  
My torment lingers like a suit in Law,  
What are you both to me insolent Evils?  
join both your furies, they weigh light to mine.  
And what art thou War, that so wantest thy good?  
But like a Barbersurgion that lets blood.  War. 
Out Lenten Harlot.  Pestilence. 
Out on you both, and if all matter fails,  
I'll show my glory in these following Tales.  
FINIS.  
  

THE MEETING of Gallants at an Ordinary.  Where the Fat Host tells Tales at the upper end of the Table. Sig. Shuttlecock. 
WHat signor Ginglespur, the first Gallant I met in Paul's, since the one and thirty day, or the decease of july, and I may fitly call it the decease, for there deceased above three hundred that day, a shrewd Prologue marry to the Tragedy that followed: and yet I speak somewhat improperly to call it a Prologue, because those that tied were all out of their Parts; What dare you venture Sig. at the latter end of a Fray now? I mean not at a Fray with sword and Bucklers, but with sores & Carbunckles: I protest you are a strong Mettalde Gentleman, because you do not fear the dangerous Featherbeds of London, nor to be tossed in a perilous Blanket, or to lie in the fellows of those sheets that two dead Bodies were wrapped in some three months before. Nay I can tell you, there is many an honest house in London well stocked before with large linneu, where now remains not above two sheeets & a half, 〈◊〉 so the good man of the house driven to lie in the one sheet for shift, till the pair be washed and dried: for you know ten wound out of one house, must for shame carry five pair of sheeets with them, being co●…find and put to board-wages, the only Knight's policy to save charges in victuals. But soft signor, what may he be that stalked by us now in a ruinous suit of apparel, with his Page out at Elbows: 'tis a strange sight in Paul's signor, me thinks, to see a broken Page follow a seamerent Master.  Sig. Ginglespurre. 
What do you wonder at that sight now? 'tis a Limb 〈◊〉 the fashion, and as commendable to go ragged after a plague, as to have an Ancient full of holes and Tatters after a Battle: And I have seen five hundred of the same rank in apparel, for most of your choice and curious Gallants came up in clothes, because they thought it very dangerous to deal with Satin this plague-time, being Devil enough without the plague: beside there hath been a great Dearth of Taytors, the property of whose deaths were wonderful, for they were took from Hell to Heaven: All these were Motives sufficient to persuade Gentlemen as they loved their lives, to come up in their old suits, and be very respective and careful how they make themselves new-ones, and to venture upon a Burchen-lane Hose and Doublet, were even to shun the villainous jaws of Charybdis, and fall into the large swallow of Scylla, the devouring Catchpole of the Sea: for their bomba●…t 〈◊〉 wicked enough in the best and soundest seas●…, and there is as much peril between the wings and the skirts of one of their Doublets, as in all the liberties of London, take Saint Tools Parish, and all the most infected plac●…s of England.  
Well, I have almost marred their market, for Gentlemen especially, those that love to smell sweet, for they are the worst Milliners in a Kingdom, and their suits bear the mu●…iest perfume of any thing breathing, unless it were an Usurer's Nightcap again: And indeed that scents worse than the strong breath of Ajax, where his sevenfold shield is turned to a Stool with a hole in it. But see yonder, signor Stramazoon and signor Kickshawe, now of a sudden alighted in Paul's with their dirty Boots, let's encoun●…er them at the fifth Pillar, in them you shall find my talk verified, and the fashion truly pictured. What signor, both well met upon the old worn Brass, the Moon hath had above six great Bellies since we walked here last together, and lain in as often: Me thinks Signiors, this middle of Paul's looks strange and bare, like a long-hayrde Gentleman new polled, washed and shaved, and I may fitly say shaved, for there was never a lusty Shaver seen walking here this half year: especially if he loved his life, he would revolt from Duke Humphrey, and rather be a Wood-cleaver in the Country, than a chest-breaker in London: But what Gallants march up a pace now, Signiors; how are the high ways filled to London?  Sig. Shuttlecock. 
Every man's head here is full of the Proclamation, and the honest black Gentleman the Term, hath ●…ept a great Hall at Westminster again: all the Taverns in Kings-streete will be Emperors, Inns and Alehouses at least Marquesses a piece: Now Cooks begin to make more Coffins than Carpenters, and bury more whole meat than Sextons, few Bells are heard a nights beside old john Clappers, the Bellmans: And Gentlemen 'twas time for you to come, for I know many an honest Tradesman that would have come down to you else, and set up their shops in the Country, had you not ventured up the sooner; and he that would have brand it, and been a vainglorious silken Ass all the last Summer, might have made a Suit o●… Satin cheaper in the Plague-time, than a Suit of Marry-muffe in the Termtime; there was not so much Velvet stirring, as would have been a Cover to a little Book in Octano, or seamde a Lie●…enants Buff-doublet; A French-hood would have been more wondered at in London, than the Polonians with their long-tayld Gaberdines, and which was most lamentable, there was never a Gilt Spur to b●… seen all the St●…and over, never a Feather wagging in all F●…etstreete, unless some Country Fore-horse came by, by mere chance, with a Raine-beaten Feather in his Costrill; the street looking for all the world like a Sunday morning at six of the Clock, three hours before service, and the Bells ringing all about London, a●… if the Coronation day had been half a year long.  Sig. Stramazon. 
Trust me Gentlemen a very sore discourse.  Sig. Shuttlecock. 
I could tell you now the miserable state and pitiful cas●… of many Tradesmen whose wares lay dead on their hands by the burying of their servants, and how those were held especially very dangerous and perilous Trades that has any woollen about them, for the infection being for the most part a Londoner, loved to be leapt warm, and therefore was said's to skip into woollen clothes, and lie smothering in a shag-hayrde Rug, or an old fashionde Coverlid: to co●…me which, I have hard of some this last Summer that would not venture into an U●…holsters shop amongst dangerous Rugs, and Feather-bed-tikes, no, although they had been sure to have been made Aldermen when they came out again: such wa●… their infectious conceit of a harmless necessary Coverlid, and would stop their foolish Noses, when they passed through Watling-streete by a Rank of Woollen Drapers. And this makes me call to memory the strange and wonderful dressing of a Coach that scudded through London the ninth of August, for I put the day in my Table-book, because it was worthy the registing.  
This fearful pitiful Coach was all hung with Ru●… from the top to the toe of the Boot, to keep the leather and the nails from infection; the very Nostrils of the Coach-horses were stopped with hearb-grace, that I pitied the poor Beasts being almost windless, and having then more Grace in their Noses, than their Master had in all his bosom, and thus they ran through Cornewell just in the middle of the street, with such a violent Trample as if the Devil had been Coachman.  Sig. Kickshow. 
A very excellent Folly, that the name of the Plague should take the wall of a Coach, and drive his Worship down into the Channel.  
But see how we have lost ourselves, Paul's is changed into Gallants, and those which I saw come up in old Taffala Doublets yesterday, are slipped into nine yards of Satin to day.  Sig. Stramazon. 
And Signiors, we in especial care have sent our Pages to inquire out a pair of honest clean Tailors, which are hard to be found, because there was such a number of Butchers the last Summer: and I think it one of Hercules' Labours, to find two whole Tailors about London, that hath not been Plagued for their stealing, or else for sowing of false seeds, which peep out before their Seasons.  Sig. Ginglespur. 
But what, dare you venture to an Ordinary: hark, the Quarter-Iarkes are up for a Leaven; I know an honest Host about London, that hath barrelled up news for Gallants, like Pickled Oysters, marry your Ordinary will cost you two shillings, but the Tales that lie in Brine will be worth sixpence of the money: for you know 'tis great charges to keep Tales long, and therefore he must be somewhat considered for the laying out of his Language: for blind Gue you know has six●…pence at the least for groping in the Dark.  Sig. Stramazon. 
Yea; but signor Ginglespur, you see we are altogether unfurnished for an Ordinary till the Tailor cut us out and new mould us: & to rank amongst. Gallants in old Apparel, why their very Apish Pages would break jests upon our Elbows, and domineer ou●… our worn doublets most tyrannically.  Sig. Ginglespur. 
Puh. signor Stramazoon, you turn the Bias the wrong way, you doubt where there is no doubt, I will conduct you to an Ordinary where you shall eat private amongst Essex Gentlemen of your fashioned rank in Apparel, who as yet wait for fresh clothes, as you for new Tailors, & account it more commendable to come up in seamerent Suits, and whole Bodies, then to have infectious torn Bodies, and sound Suits.  Sig. Kick-shaw. 
I●… it be so, signor, (hark a Quarter strikes) we are for you, we will follow you, for I love to he●…re Tales when a merry. Corpulent Host bandies them out of his Flop-mouth; but how far must we march now like tottre●… Soldiers after a Fray, to their Nuncheons?  Sig. Shuttlecock. 
Why, if you throw your eyes but a little before you, you may see the sign and token that beckons his Guest to him; do you hear the Clapper of his Tongue now?  Sig. Stramazoon. 
S●…oote, the mad Bulchin squeaks thriller than the Saun●… Bell at Westminster.  Sig. Shuttlecock. 
Nay, now you shall hear him ring lustily at our entrance, stop your ears if you love them, for one of his words will run about your brains louder than the Drum at the Bear-garden.  Entering into the Ordinary. Host. 
What Gallant●… are you come, are you come? welcome Gentlemen; I have news enough for you all, welcome again, and again: I am so fat and purste, I cannot speak loud enough, but I am sure you hear me, or you shall hear me: Welcome, welcome Gelt●…men, I have Tales, and ●…ailes for you: seat yourselves Gallants, enter Boys & Beards with dishes and Platters; I will be with you again in a trice ere you look for me.  Sig. Shuttlecock. 
Now Signiors how like you mine Host? did I not tell you he was a mad round knave, and a merry on●… too: and if you chance to talk of fat Sir john Oldcastle, he will tell you, he was his great Grandfather, & not much unlike him in Paunch, if you mark him well by all descriptions: and see where he appears again. He told you he would not be long from you, let his humour have scope enough I pray, and there is no doubt but his Tales will make us laugh are we be out of our Porridge: How now mine Host?  Host. 
O my Gallant of Gallants, my Top and Top Gallant, how many Horses hast thou killed in the Country with the hunting of Harlottries; go too, was I with you, you mad wags? and I have been a merry knave this s●… and forty years, my Bullies, my Boys.  Sig Kick-shaw. 
Yea, but my honest-larded Host, where be these Tales now?  Host. 
I have them at my tongues end my Gallant Bullies of five and twenty, my dainty liberal Landlords I have them for you: you shall never take me unprovided for Gentlemen, I keep them like Anchovises to relish your drink wel●… stop your mouths gallants, and I will stuff your cares I warrant you, and first I begin with a Tipsy Uint●…er in London.  

Of a Vintner in London, dying in a humour.  
THis discourse that follows, G●…tlemen-gallants, is of a lightheaded Vintner, who scorning to be only drunk in his own Seller, would get up betimes in the morning, to be down of his Nose thrice before evening: he was a man of all Taverns, and excellent physician at the Sackbut, and your only dancer of the canaries: this st●…ange Wine-sucker had a humour this time of infection, to feign himself sick, and indeed he had swallowed down many Taverne-tokens, and was infected much ●…th the plague of drunkenness: but howsoever, sick he would be, for the humour had possessed him, when to the comforting of his poor heart, he powered dawn a leaven shillings in Rose of Solace, more than would have ●…erde all the sick persons in the pest-house; and yet for all that he felt himself ill at his stomach aft●…wards, wherefore his request was, reporting himself very feeble, to have two men hired with ●…xpence a piece, to transport him over the way to his friend's house: but when he saw he was deluded, and had no body to carry him, ●…e flung his Gown about him very desperately, took his ●…wne legs, and away he went with himself as courageously, as the best stalker in Europe: where being alighted, not long after, he rounded one in the ear in private, and bad that the great Bell should be telled for him, the great Bel of all, and with all possible speed that might be: that done, he gagged open the Windows, and when the Bell was tolling, cried, louder yet; I hear thee not Master Bell: then strutting up and down the chamber, spoke to the Audience in this wise.  
Is't possible a man should walk in such perfect memory and have the Bell toll for him? sure I never heard of any that did the like before me.  
Thus by tolling of the great Bell, all the Parish rang of him, diverse opinions went of him, and not without cause or matter to work upon: In conclusion, within few days after, he was found to be the man indeed, whose part he did but play before; his Pulses were angry with him, and began to beat him; all his Pores fell out with him; the Bel towld for him in sadness, rung out in gladness, and there was the end of his drunken madness; such a ridiculour humour of dying was never heard of before: and I hope never shall be again, now he is out of England.  Sig. Stramazon. 
This was a strange fellow mine Host, and worthy Stows Chronicle.  Host. 
Nay Gallants I'll fit you, and now I will serve in another as good as Vinegar and Pepper to your Roast-béefe.  Sig. Kickshawe. 
Let's have it; let's taste on it mine Host, my noble fat Actor.   

How a young fellow was even bespoke and jested to death by Harlots.  
THere was a company of intolerable light Women assembled together, wh●… all the time of infection, lived upon Citizen's servants: young Novices that made their masters gabs die of the Plague at home, whilst they took Sanctuary in the Country. Mistake me not, I mean not the best rank of servants: but underlings, and bogish So●…tes, such as have not wit to distinguish Companies, & avoid the temptation of Harlots, which make men more miserable than Dericke. These light-heelde Wagtails who where ar●…de (as they term it) against all weathers of Plague and Pestilence; carrying always a French Supersedies about them for the sickness, were determined being half Tipsy, and as light now in their Heads, as any where else: to execute a jest upon a young unfruitful Fellow which should have had the Banes of Matrimony asked between him and a woman of their Religion, which would have proved Bane indeed, and worse than Ratsbane, to have been coupled with a Harlot: But note the event of a bespeaking jest, these women gave it out that he was dead, sent to the Sexton of the Church in all haste to have the Bell rung out for him, which was suddenly heard, and many coming to inquire of the Sexton, his name was spread over all the parish, (he little dreaming of that dead report bring as then in perfect health & memory,) on the morrow as the custom is, the Searchers came to the house where he lay to discharge their office, ask for the dead Body, and in what Room it lay, who hearing himself named, in such a cold shape almost struck dead indeed with their words, replied with a hasty Countenance (for he could play a Ghost well,) that he was the man: At which the Searchers started, and thought he had been new risen from under the Table; when vomiting out some two or three déepe-fecht Oaths; he asked what villain it was which made that jest of him: but whether the c●…nceit struck cold to his heart or whether the strumpets were Witches I know not, (the next degree to a Harlot is a Bawd, or a Witch,) but this youngster danced the shaking of one s●…éete within few days after, and then the Search●…s lost not their labours, and therefore I conclude thus. 
That Fate lights sudden that's bespoke before,  
A Harlot's tongue is worse than a Plague-sore.   
Well timed my little round and thick Host, have you any more of these in your fat Budget?  
I have them, my Gallant Bullies, and here comes one fitly for sauce to your Capon.   

Of one that fell drunk off from his Horse, taken for a Londoner, dead.  
IN a certain country-towne not far of, there was a boon companion lighted amongst good fellows, as they call good fellows now a days, which are those that can drink best, for your excellent drunkard, is your notable Gallant, and he that can pass away clear without paying the Host in the Chimney-Corner, he is the king of Cans, and the Emperor of Alehouses, this fellow tying his Horse by the Bridle upon the red Lattice of the window, could not bridle himself so well, but afterward proved more Beast than his Horse, being so overwhelmed with whole Cans, hoops, and such drunken devices, that his English Crown weighed lighter by ten grains at his coming forth, then at his entering in: and it was easier now for his Horse to get up a Top of Paul's, than he to get up upon his Horse, the stirrup played mock-holy-day with him, and made a fool of his foot: at last with much ado he fell flounce into the Saddle, and away he scudded out at towns end, where he thought every Tree he saw had been rising up to stop him: so strangely are the senses of drunkards tossed and transported, that at the very instant, they think the worlds drowned again; so this staggering Monster imagined he was riding upon a Sea-mare: but before he was Ten Gallops from the towne-side, his briane played him a jades trick, and kicked him over, down he fell. When the Horse sóberer than the master stood still and wondered at him for a Beast; but durst not say so much; by and by Passengers passing too and fro, beholding his lamentable downfall, called out to one another to view that pitiful Spectacle, people flocked about him more and more, but none durst venture within two Poles length, nor some within the length of Paul's: every one gave up his verdict, and all concluding in one that he was some coward Londoner, who thought to fly from the sickness, which as it seemed, made after him amain, and struck him beside his borfe: thus all agreed in one tale, some bemoaning the the death of the man, othersome, wishing that all Curmudgins, Pennifathers, & fox▪ ●…urd ●…rers were served of the same sauce: who taking their flight out of London, left poor silkweavers, Tapsters, and waterbearers, to fight it out against sore enemies. In a word, all the town was in an uproar, the Constable standing aloof off, stopping his Nose like a Gentleman-usher, durst not come within two stones cast by no means: no, if he might presently have been made Constable in the hundred: Every Townseman at his wise Nonplus, nothing but looking and wondering, yet some wiser than some, and those I think were the Watchmen, told them flatly and plainly, that the body must be removed in any case, and that Eytempore: it would infect all the Air round about else. These horesons seemed to have some wit y●…t, and their politic counsel was took, and embra●…st amongst them, but all the cunning was how to remove him without taking the wind of him: whereupon two or three weather wise Stinkards plucked up handfalls of Grass, and tossed them into the Air, and then whoopeing and hollowing, ●…old them the wind blewe sweetly for the purpose, for it stood full on his Backpart, then all agreed to remove him with certain long Instruments, sending home for hooks and strong Ropes, as if they had been pulling down a house of Fire: but this was rather a Tilt-boat cast away, and all the people drowned within: to conclude, these long devices were brought to remove him without a writ; when by mere chance passed by one of the wisest of the town next the Constable, for so it appeared afterwards, by the horns of his device, who being certifesd of the story, and what they went about to do, broke into these words openly.  
Why my good fellows, friends and honest neighbours, true you what you venture upon, will you needs draw the plague to you, by hook or by crook, you will say perhaps your poles are long enough. Why you never heard or read: that long devices take soon ●…tien, and that there is no vilder thing in the word, than the smell of a Rope to bring a man to his end, that you all know.  
Wherefore to avoid all farther inconueni●…nces, dangerous and infectious, hearken to my exploit: If you drag him along the fields, our hounds may take the sent of him, a very dangerous matter: if you bury him in the fields, a hundred to ●…ne but the ground will be rotten this winter; wherefore your only way must be to set him lie as he doth, without moving, and every good fellow to bring his Armful of straw, heap it upon him, and round about him, and so in conclusion burn out the infection as he lies: every man threw up his old Cap at this, Straw was brought and thrown upon him by Arm ●…ulls, all this while the drowned fellow lay still without moving, dreaming of full cans, E●…psters, and beer-barrels▪ when presently they put fire to the straw, which kept such a brogging and a cracking, that up▪ started the drunkard, like a thing made of fireworks, the flame playing with his Nose, and his Beard looking like flaming Apollo's, as our Poets please to term it, who burst into these reeling words when he spied the fire hizzing about his pate.  
What is the Top of Paul's on fire again? or is the●…e a fire in the Powle-head? why then Drawers, quench me with double Beer. The folks in the Town all in amaze, some running this way, some that way, knew him at last by his staggering tongue, for he was no far dl●…et, though they imagined he had dwelled at London, so stopping his Horse which ran away from the fiery Planet his Master, as though the Devil had bac●…t him, every one laughed at the jest, closed it up in an Alehouse, where before Cu●…ing the most part of them were all as drunk as himself.  
Sat you merry still, gentlemans Gallants, your Dish of Tales is your best cheer, and to please you my noble Bullies, I would do that I did not this thirty years, Caper, Caper, my Gallant Boys, although I crack my Shins, and my Guts sink a handful lower. I'll doote, my lusty Lad●…, I'll doote.  
With that the Host gave a lazy Caper, and broke his Shins for joy, the Reckoning was appeazed, the Room discharged, and so I leave them in Paul's where I found them.  Host. 
And now I return to more pleasant Arguments, Gentlemen Gallants, to make you laugh ere you be quite out of your Capen: this that I discourse of now is a pretty merry accident that happened about Shoreditch, although the intent was sad and Tragical, yet the event was mirthful and pleasant: The goodman (or rather as I may fi●…liet term him, the bad-man of a House) being sorely pestered with the death of servants, and to avoid all suspicion of the Pestilence from his house above all others, did very craf●…ily and subtly compound with the Masters of the Pest-cart, to s●…ch away by night as they passed by, all that should chance to die in his house, having three or sour servants down at once, and told them that he knew one of them would be ready for them by that time the Cart came by, and to clear his house of all suspicion, the dead body should be●… laid upon as●…all, some five or fire houses of: where, there they should entertain him and take him in amongst his dead companions: To conclude, night drew onward, and the servant concluded his l●…e, ●…d according to their appointment was e●…stalde to be made knight of the Pest-cart. But here comes in the excellent ●…elt, Gentlemen▪ Gallant of five and twenty, about the dark and pitt●… season of the night: a sh●…acke drunkard, (or one drunk at the sign of the Ship,) new cast from the shore of an Alehouse, and his brains sore beaten with the cruel tempests of Ale and Beer, fell Flounce v●…on a low stall hard by the house, there being little difference in the Carcase, for the other was dead, and he was dead-drunk, (the worse death of the ●…waine) there taking v●… his drunken Lodging, and the Pest-cart coming by, they made no more ad●…, but taking him sa●… the dead Body, placed him amongst his companions, and away they ●…rred with him to the pest-house: but there is an 〈◊〉 Proverbs, and now confirmed true, a Drunken ma●… never takes harm: to the Appre●…ation of which, for all his lying with infections Be dfellow●…, the next morning a little before he should be burie●…, he streaht and yaw●… as wholesomely, as the best Tinker in all Banburie, and returned to his old Vomit again, and was drunck●… in Shoreditch before 〈◊〉.  Ginglespur. 
This was a pretty Comedy of Errors, my round Host.  Host. 
O my Bullies, there was many such a part played upon the Stage both of the City and the Sub●…urbs.  
Moreover my Gallants, some did noble Exploits, whose names I shame to publish, in hiring Porters and base ●…ssalles to carry their servants out in Sacks so Whitechapel, and such out places to poor men's houses: that work to them, and therefore durst do no otherwise but receive them, though to their uttee ruins, and detestable noysomn●…e, fearing to displease them for their ●…uenge afterwards, as in putting their work from them to others for their utter undoing: how many such pranks think you have been plain in the same fashion only to entertain Customers, to keep their shops open, and the Foreheads of their doors from (Lord have mercy upon us) many I could set down here and publish them to the world, together with all their strange shifts, and uncharitable devices.  
Whereof one especially, notable and politic may even lead you to the rest and drive you into Imagination of many the like: for one to bury four or five persons out of his house, and yet neither the Sexton of the same Parish, nor any else of his Neighbours in the street where he dwells in to have intelligence of it, (but all things be they never so l●…king, break forth at the last) this being the cunning and close practice; politicly to indent with the Sexton of some other Church (as dwelling in one Parish) to fee the Sexton of another by a prelie piece of Silver, to bury all that die in the same house in his Churchyard, which void all suspicion of the Plague from his shop, which may be at the least some six or seven Parish Churches off; or at another to practise the like; nothing but compounding with a ravenous Sexton that lives upon dead Carcases, for no Trades were so much in use as Coffinmakers and Sextons, they were the layers the last Uacation, and bad there bountiful Fees of their Grave-clients; wherefore they prayed as the Countriefolkes at Hartford did, (If report be no liar) very impiously and barbarously, that the sickness might last till the last Christmas; and this was their uncharitable meanings, and the unchristian effect of their wishes: that they might have the Term kept at Hartford, and the Sextons there Term still here in London; but Winchester made a Goose of Hartford, and ended the strife: Thus like Monsters of Nature they wished in their Barbarous hearts, that their desires might take such effects: and for the greedy Lucre of a few private and mean persons, to suck up the life of thousands.  
Many other marvellous events happened, both in the City, & else where. As for example, In dead man's place at Saint Mary-overus; a man servant bring buried at seven of the clock in the morning, and the grave standing open for more dead Commodities, at four of the clock in the same evening, he was got up alive again by strange miracle: which to be true and certain, hundreds of people can 〈◊〉 that saw him act like a country Ghost in his white peackled Sheet. And it was not a thing unknown on the other side, that the Countries were stricken, and that very grievously, many dying there: many going thither likewise fell down suddenly and died, men on Horseback riding thither, strangely stricken in the midst of their journeys, sorcst either to light ●…ff, or fall ●…ff, and die: and for certain and substantial report, many the last year were buried near unto hye-ways in the same order, in their clothes as they were, booted and spurd●… even as they lighted off, ●…owld into Ditches. Pits and Hedges so lamentably, so rudely, and unchristianlike, that it would have made a pitiful, and remorseful eye bloodshot, to see such a r●…thfull and disordered Object: and a true heart bleed outright, (but not such a one as mine, Gallants, for my heart b●…eds nothing but Alegant,) how commonly we saw herr, the husband and the wife buried together, a weeping Spectacle containing much sorrow: how often were whole households emptied to fill up Graves? and how sore the violence of that stroke was, that struck ten persons out of one house, being a thing dreadful to apprehend and think upon; with many marvelous and strange Accidents. But let not this make you sad, Gallants: sit you merry still: Here my dainty Bullies, I'll put you all in one Goblet, and wash all these Tales in a Cup of Sack.   
FINIS.