THE PHOENIX, AS It hath been sundry times Acted by the Children of Paul's, And presented before his Majesty.  
 
LONDON Printed by E.A. for A, ay, and are to be sold at the sign of the white horse in Paul's-Churchyard. 1607.   

THE Phoenix:  Enter the old Duke of Ferrara, Nobles, Proditor, Lussurioso, and Infesto, with Attendants. Duke 
MY Lords,  
Know that we far from any natural pride  
Or touch of temporal sway, have seen our face  
In our grave counsels foreheads: where doth stand  
Our truest glass, made by Times wrinkled hand.  
We know we're old, my days proclaim me so:  
forty-five years, I've gently ruled this Dukedom,  
Pray heaven it be no fault,  
For there's as much disease, though not to th' eye,  
In too much pity, as in Tyranny.  Infest. 
Your grace hath spoke it right.  Duke. 
I know that life  
Has not long course in me, 'twill not be long  
Before I show that Kings have mortal bodies  
As well as Subjects, therefore to my comfort,  
And your successful hopes I have a Son  
Whom I dare boast of;—  Lus. 
Whom we all do boast off,  
A Prince elder in virtues then in years,  Infest. 
His judgement is a Father to his youth,  Prod. 
ay, ay, would he were from Court,  Infest. 
Our largest hopes grow in him,  Prod. 
And 'tis the greatest pity Noble Lord,  
He is untraveled,  Lus. 
'tis indeed my Lord.  Prod. 
Had he but travail to his time and Virtue— oh he should near return again.  Duke. 
It shall be so, what is in hope begun,  
Experience quickens, travail confirms the man,  
Who's else lives doubtful, and his days oft sorry,  
"Who's rich in Knowledge, has the stock of glory.  Prod. 
Most true my royal Lord.  Duke. 
Some one attend our Son.  Enter Prince attended by Fidelio. Infest. 
See, here he comes my Lord.  Duke. 
Oh you come well.  Phoe. 
'tis always my desire my worthy Father.  Duke. 
Your Serious studies, & those fruitful hours  
That grow up into judgement, well become  
Your birth, and all our loves: I weep that you are my son,  
But Virtuously I weep, the more my gladness:  
We have thought good and meet by the consent  
Of these our Nobles, to move you toward Travail,  
The better to approve you to yourself  
And give your apter power, foundation:  
To see affections actually presented,  
e'en by those men that owe them, yield more profit,  
I more content, then singly to read of them,  
"Since love or fear, make Writers partial,  
The good and free example which you find,  
In other Countries, match it with your own,  
The ill to shame the ill, which will in time,  
Fully instruct you how to set in frame,  
A kingdom all in pieces.  Phoe. 
Honoured Father,  
With care and duty I have listened to you,  
What you desire, in me it is obedience,  
I do obey in all, knowing for right,  
"Experience is a kingdoms better sight.  Prod. 
Oh 'tis the very lustre of a Prince,  
Travail! 'tis sweet and generous,  Du. 
He that knows how to obey, knows how to reign  
And that true knowledge have we found in you,  
Make choice of your Attendants.  Phoe. 
Their soon chose, only this man my Lord, a loving servant of mine.  Du. 
What none but he?  Phoe. 
I do entreat no more,  
For that's the benefit a private Gentleman  
Enjoys beyond our state, when he notes all,  
Himself unnoted,  
For should I bear the fashion of a prince,  
I should then win more flattery, than profit,  
And I should give 'em time & warning then  
To hide their Actions from me, if I appear a Sun,  
they'll run into the shade with their ill deeds,  
And so prevent me.  Prod. 
A little too wise, a little too wise to live long.  Duk. 
You have answered us with wisdom, let it be.  
Things private are best known through privacy.  Exeunt Manet Phoenix and Fidelio. Phoe. 
Stay you my elected servant.  Fid. 
My kind Lord.  Phoe. 
The Duke my Father has a heavy burden,  
Of years upon him.  Fid. 
My Lord it seems so, for they make him stoop.  Phoen. 
Without dissemblance he is deep in age,  
He bows unto his grave, I wonder much  
Which of his wild Nobility it should be  
(For none of his sad counsel has a voice in't)  
Should so far travail into his consent,  
To set me over into other Kingdoms.  
Upon the stroke and minute of his death?  Fid. 
My Lord, 'tis easier to suspect them all,  
Then truly to name one.  Phoen. 
Since it is thus,  
By absence, i'll obey the Duke my father,  
And yet not wrong myself.  Fid 
Therein my Lord,  
You might be happy twice.  Phoen. 
So it shall be,  
I'll stay at home, and travail;  Fid. 
Would your Grace  
Could make that good.  Phoe. 
I can, & indeed a Prince need no travail farther than his own Kingdom, if he apply himself faithfully, worthy the glory of himself and expectation of others: and it would appear far nobler industry in him, to reform those fashions that are already in his Country, than to bring new ones in, which have neither true form nor fashion; to make his Court an Owl, City an Ape, and the Country a Wolf, preying upon the ridiculous pride of either, and therefore I hold it a safer stern upon this lucky advantage, since my father is near his setting, and I upon the Eastern hill to take my rise, to look into the heart & bowels of this Dukedom, and in disguise, mark all abuses ready for Reformation or Punishment.  Fid. 
Give me but leave unfeignedly to admire you,  
Your wisdom is so spacious and so honest,  Phoen. 
So much have the complaints and suits of men, seven, nay seventeen years neglected, still interposed by coin and great enemies, prevailed with my pity, that I cannot otherwise think but there are infectious dealings in most offices, and foul mysteries throughout all Professions: and therefore I nothing doubt but to find travail enough within myself, and Experience I fear too much: nor will I be curious to fit my body to the humblest form and bearing, so the labour may be fruitful: for how can abuses that keep low, come to the right view of a Prince, unless his looks lie level with them, which else will be longest hid from him, he shall be the last man sees 'em.  
For oft between king's Eyes, and subjects Crimes  
Stands there a bar of bribes, the under office  
Flatters him next above it: he the next,  
And so of most, or many, Every Abuse will choose a brother,  
'tis through the world, this Hand will rub the other.  Fid. 
You have set down the world briefly my Lord.  Phoen. 
But how am I assured of faith in thee?  
Yet I durst trust thee.  Fid. 
Let my soul be lost,  
When it shall lose your secrets: nor will I only be a preserver of them, but if you so please an assister.  Phoen. 
It suffices:  
That King stands surest who by his virtue rises  
More than by birth or blood, that Prince is rare,  
Who strives in youth to save his age from care,  
Let's be prepared away.  Exit Phoen. Fid. 
I'll follow your Grace,  
Thou wonder of all Princes, precedent, and Glory,  
True Phoenix, made of an unusual strain,  
"Who labours to reform is fit to reign.  
How can that King be safe that studies not  
The profit of his people? See where comes  
The best part of my heart, my love.  Enter Niece. Niece. 
Sir, I am bound to find you, I heard newly  
Of sudden Travail which his grace intends  
And only but yourself to accompany him.  Fid. 
You heard in that, little beside the truth,  
Yet not so sudden as to want those manners,  
To leave you unregarded.  Niece. 
I did not think, so unfashionably of you:  
How long is your return?  Fid. 
'tis not yet come to me, scarce to my Lord,  
Unless the Duke refer it to his pleasure,  
But long I think it is not, the Duke's age,  
(If not his apt experience) will forbid it.  Neec. 
His grace commands, I must not think amiss, farewell  Fid. 
Nay stay, and take this comfort,  
You shall hear often from us, i'll direct  
Where you shall surely know, and I desire you  
Write me the Truth, how my new father in law, the  
Captain bears himself toward my Mother,  
For that marriage, knew nothing of my mind,  
It never flourished in any part of my affection.  Niece. 
methinks she's much disgraced herself.  Fid. 
Nothing so: if he be good & will abide the touch, a Captain may marry a Lady, if he can sail into her good will.  Niece. 
Indeed that's all,  Exit Fid. 
'tis all in all, commend me to thy breast, farewell.  
So by my Lords firm policy we may see,  
To present view, what absent forms would be.  Exit. Fidelo. Enter the Captain with soldiering fellows. 1 
There's Noble purchase Captain.  2 
Nay admirable purchase.  3 
Enough to make us proud for ever.  Cap. 
Hah?  1 
Never was opportunity so Gallant.  Cap. 
Why you make me mad.  2 
Three Ships not a poop less.  3 
And everyone so wealthily burdened upon my manhood.  Cap. 
Pox on't, and now am I tied e'en as the Devil would ha''t.  1 
Captain, of all men living I would ha' sworn thou wouldst near have married.  Cap. 
'Sfoot, so would I myself man, give me my Endue, you know I ha' sworn all heaven over and over:  1 
That you have i'faith.  Cap. 
Why go too then.  1 
Of a man that has tasted salt water to commit such a fresh Trick.  Cap. 
Why 'tis abominable I grant you now I see't:  1 
Had there been fewer Women—  2 
And among those Women fewer Drabs—  3 
And among those Drabs fewer pleasing—  Cap. 
Then t'had been something:  1 
But when there are more women, more common pretty sweet hearts, then ever any age could boast off.  Cap. 
And I to play the Artificer and marry: to have my wife dance at home, and my Ship at Sea, and both take in salt water together: oh Lieutenant thou'rt happy, thou keep'st a Wench.  1 
I hope I am happier than so Captain, for a my Troth she keeps me.  Cap. 
How? is there any such fortunate man breathing? and I so miserable to live honest? I envy thee Lieutenant, I envy thee, that thou art such a happy Knave, here's my hand among you, share it equally, I'll to sea with you.  2 
There spoke a Noble Captain.  Cap. 
Let's hear from you, there will be news shortly.  1 
Doubt it not Captain.  Exeunt Cap. 
What lustful passion came aboard of me, that I should marry, was I drunk? yet that cannot altogether hold, for it was four o'clock i'th' morning, had it been five, I would ha' sworn it: that a man is in danger every minute to be cast away, without he have an extraordinary Pilot that can perform more than a man can do: and to say truth too, when I'm abroad what can I do at home? no man living can reach so far: & what a horrible thing 'twould be to have horns brought me at Sea, to look as if the Devil were i'th' ship: and all the great Tempests would be thought of my Raising, to be the general curse of all Merchants: and yet they likely are as deep in as myself, and that's a comfort: O that a Captain should live to be married! nay, I that have been such a Gallant salt-thief, should yet live to be married: What a fortunate Elder Brother is he, whose father being a Ramish Ploughman, himself a perfumed Gentleman, spending the labouring reek from his Fathers: Nostrils in Tobacco: the sweat of his Father's body in monthly Physic for his pretty queasy Harlot: he sows apace i'th' Country: the tailor o'ertakes him i'th' City, so that often times before the Corn comes to Earning, 'tis up to the ears in high Collars, and so at every harvest the Reapers take pains for the Mercers, ha! why this is stirring happiness indeed, would my father had held a plow so, and fed upon squeezed Curds and Onions, that I might have bathed insensuality: but he was too ruttish himself to let me thrive under him, consumed me before he got me, & that makes me so wretched, now to be shackled with a wife, & not greatly rich neither.  Enter his Lady. Lady. 
Captain, my Husband.  Cap. 
S'life call me husband again, & i'll play the Captain and beat you.  Lady. 
What has disturbed you sir, that you now look so like an Enemy upon me?  Cap. 
Go make a Widower, hang thyself,  
How comes it that you are so opposite  
To love and kindness? I deserve more Respect,  
But that you please to be forgetful of it.  Lady. 
For love to you, did I neglect my state,  
Chide better fortunes from me,  
Gave the world talk, laid all my friends at waste.  Captain. 
The more fool you, could you like none but me?  
Could none but I supply you?  
I am sure you were sued to, by far worthier men,  
Deeper in wealth and Gentry.  
What couldst thou see in me, to make thee dote so on me,  
If I know, I am a Villain: what a torment's this? why didst thou marry me? you think as most of your insatiate widows, that Captains can do wonders, when 'las the name does often prove the better man.  Lady. 
That which you urge, should rather give me cause to repent then yourself.  Cap. 
Then to that end I do't.  Lady. 
What a miserable state am I led into?  Enter servus. Cap: 
How now sir?  Seruus: 
Count Proditer is now alighted.  Cap. 
What, my Lord: I must make much of him, he'll one day write me Cuckold: 'tis good to make much of such a man, e'en to my face, he plies it hard I thank him:—  Enter Proditer. 
what, my worthy Lord!  Prod: 
I'll come to you in order Captain.  Cap: 
Oh that's in order: a kiss is the gamut to pricksong.  Prod. 
Let me salute you Captain.  Cap. 
My dear esteemed Count, I have a life for you:  Prod. 
Hear you the news?  Cap. 
What may it be my Lord?  Prod. 
My Lord, the Duke's Son is upon his travail to several Kingdoms.  Cap, 
May it be possible my Lord, and yet so little rumoured?  Prod. 
take't of my Truth, nay, 'twas well managed, things are as they are handled: but all my care is still, pray heaven he return safe, without danger Captain.  Cap. 
Why, is there any doubt to be had of that my Lord?  Prod. 
I by my faith Captain.  
Princes have private enemies, and great:  
Put case a man should grudge him, for his Virtues:  
Or envy him, for his wisdom: why you know  
This makes him lie bare breasted to his foe.  Cap. 
That's full of certainty my Lord, but who be his Attendants?  Prod. 
Thence Captain comes the fear, but singly attended neither (my best gladness) only by your Son in Law Fidelio.  Cap. 
Is it to be believed? I promise you my Lord than I begin to fear him myself, that fellow will undo him: I durst undertake to corrupt him with twelve pence over and above, and that's a small matter: has a whorish Conscience, he's an inseparable Knave, and I could near speak well of that fellow.  Prod. 
All we of the younger house, I can tell you do doubt him much,— the Ladies removed, shall we have your sweet society Captain?  Cap. 
Though it be in mine own house, I desire I may follow your Lordship.  Prod. 
I love to avoid strife,  
Not many months Phoenix shall keep his life.  Exit. Cap. 
So, his way is in, he knows it,  
We must not be uncourteous to a Lord,  
Warn him our house 'twere wild: his presence is an honour, if he lie with our wives, 'tis for our credit, we shall be the better trusted, 'tis a sign we shall live i'th' world: O Tempests and Whirlwinds (who but that man whom the forefinger cannot daunt, that makes his shame his living:) Who but that man I say, could endure to be thoroughly married? Nothing but a divorce can relieve me: any way to be rid of her would rid my torment: if all means fail I'll kill, or poison her, and purge my fault at sea: but first I'll make gentle Try of a Divorce: But how shall I accuse her subtle honesty? I'll attach this Lords coming to her, take hold of that: ask counsel: and now I remember, I have acquaintance with an old crafty Client, who by the puzzle of suits & shifting of Courts, has more tricks & starting holes, than the dizzy pates of fifteen Attorneys: one that has been muzzled in Law like a Bear, and lead by the Ring of his spectacles from office to office: him I'll seek out with haste, all paths I'll tread,  
All deaths I'll die ere I die married.  Exit. Enter Proditor with the captains wife. Prod. 
Puh, you do resist me hardly.  Lad. 
I beseech your Lordship cease in this,  
'tis never to be granted: if you come as a friend unto my honour and my husband, you shall be ever welcome, if not, I must entreat it—  Prod. 
Why assure yourself, madam, 'tis not the fashion.  Lad. 
'tis more my grief my Lord, such as myself are judged the worse for such.  Prod. 
Faith you're too nice, you'll see me kindly forth:  Lady. 
And honourably welcome.  Exeunt. Enter a Groom before Phoenix, and Fidelio, alighting into an Inn. Groom. 
Gentlemen, you're most neatly welcome.  Phoe. 
You're very cleanly Sir, prithee have a care to our Geldings.  Groom. 
Your Geldings shall be well considered.  Fid. 
Considered?  Phoe. 
Sirrah, what Guess does this Inn hold now?  Groom. 
Some five and twenty Gentlemen besides their beasts.  Phoe. 
Their Beasts?  Groom. 
Their wenches I mean sir, for your worship knows those that are udder men are beasts.  Phoe. 
How does your Mother sit?  Groo. 
Very well in health I thank you heartily sir.  Phoe. 
And so is my Mare i'faith.  Groom. 
I'll do her commendations indeed sir.  Fid. 
Well kept up Shuttlecock:  Phoe. 
But what old fellow was he that newly alighted before us?  Gro. 
Who he? as arrant a crafty fellow as ere made water on horseback: some say he's as good as a Lawyer, (marry I'm sure he's as bad as a Knave) if you have any suits in law, he's the fittest man for your company: has been so toward and lugged himself, that he is able to afford you more knavish counsel for ten groats, then another for ten shillings.  Phoe. 
A fine fellow: but do you know him to be a Knave, and will lodge him.  Groom. 
Your worship begins to talk idly, your bed shall be made presently; if we should not lodge knaves, I wonder how we should be able to live honestly, are there honest men enough think you in a Term time to fill all the Inns in the town, and as far as I can see, a knaves Gelding eats no more hay than an honest man's: nay thieves Gelding eats less, i'll stand to't, his Master allows him a better ordinary: yet I have my eightpence day & night, 'twere more for our profit I was, you were all thieves, if you were so contented: I shall be called for: give your worship's good morrow.  Phoe. 
A royal knave i'faith: we have happened into a Godly Inn.  Fid. 
Assure you my L. they belong all to one church.  Phoe. 
This should be some old busy turbulent fellow: villainous Law-worm, that eats holes into poor men's causes.  Enter Tangle with two suitors. 1 
May it please your worship to give me leave?  Tang. 
I give you leave sir, you have your Veniam, now fill me a brown toast sirrah.  Groom. 
Will you have no drink to't sir?  Tang. 
Is that a question in law?  Groom. 
Yes, in the lowest Court: i'th' cellar sir.  Tang. 
Let me ha't removed presently sir.  Groom. 
It shall be done sir.  Tang. 
Now as you were saying Sir, i'll come to you immediately too.  Phoe. 
Oh very well sir:  Tang. 
I'm a little busy sir,  1 
But as how sir?  Tang. 
I pray sir?  1 
Has brought me into the Court, marry my adversary has not declared yet.  Tang. 
Non declaravit Aduersarius sayst thou: what a Villain's that, I have a trick to do thee good: I will get thee out a Prox, & make him declare with a Pox to him.  1 
That will make him declare to his fore grief, I thank your good worship: but put case he do declare?  Tang. 
Si declarasset, If he should declare there,  1 
I would be loath to stand out to the judgement of that Court  Tang. 
Non ad judicium, do you fear corruption? then i'll relieve you again: you shall get a Suersedias, Non molest andam; and remove it higher her.  1 
Very good.  Tan. 
Now if it should ever come to a Testificandum, what be his witnesses?  1 
I little fear his witnesses.  Tan. 
Non metuis testes? more valiant man then Orestes  1 
Please you sir to dissolve this into Wine, Ale, or Beer, I come a hundred mile to you I protest, and leave all other counsel behind me.  Tan. 
Nay you shall always find me a sound Card, I stood not ath Pillory for nothing in eighty eight, all the world knows that: now let me dispatch you sir; I come to you Presenter.  2 
Faith the party hath removed both body and cause with a habeas corpus.  Tan. 
Has he that knavery? But has he put in bail above canst tell?  2 
That I can assure your worship, he has not.  Tan. 
Why then thy best course shall be, to lay out more money, take out a Procedendo, and bring down the cause and him with a Vengeance.  2 
Then he will come indeed  Tan. 
As for the other party, let the Audita querela alone, take me out a special Supplicauit, which will cost you enough, and than you pepper him. For the first party after the Procedendo you'll get costs, the cause being sound, you'll have a judgement, Nunc pro Tunc, you'll get a Venire fancies to warn your jury, a Decem tales to fill up the number, and a Capias vt Legatum for your execution.  2 
I thank you my learned counsel.  Phoe. 
What a busy caterpillar's this? let's accost him in that manner.  Fid. 
Content my Lord.  Phoe. 
O my old admirable fellow, how have I all this while thirsted to salute thee? I knew thee in Octavo of the Duke.—  Tang. 
In Octavo of the Duke: I remember the year well.  Phoe, 
byth' mass a lusty proper man.  Tang. 
Oh was I?  Phoe. 
But still in law  Tang. 
Still in Law. I had not breathed else now, 'tis very marrow, very manna to me to be in law: i'd been dead ere this else: I have found such sweet pleasure in the vexation of others, that I could wish my years over and over again, to see that fellow a Beggar, that bawling Knave a Gentleman: a matter brought e'en to a judgement today, as far as ere 'twas to begin again to morrow: O Raptures I here a writ of Demur, there a Procedendo, here a Sui surrara, there a Capiendo, Tricks, Delays, Money-laws:  Phoe. 
Is it possible old Lad?  Tang. 
I have been a Term-trotter myself any time this five and forty years, a goodly time & a gracious: in which space I ha' been at least sixteen times beggared, and got up again: and in the mire again, that I have stunk again, and yet got up again.  Phoe. 
And so clean and handsome how?  Tan. 
You see it apparently, I cannot hide it from you: nay more, in foelice hora be it spoken, you see i'm old, yet have I at this present, nine and twenty suits in Law.  Phoe. 
Deliver us man!  Tang. 
And all not worth forty shillings.  Phoe. 
May it be believed?  Tang. 
The pleasure of a man is all.  Phoe. 
An old fellow and such a stinger.  Tang. 
A stake pulled out of my hedge, there's one: I was well beaten I remember, that's two: I took one a-bed with my wife again her will, that's three: I was called cuckold for my labour, that's four: I took another a-bed again, that's five than one called me wittol that's six: he killed my Dog for Barking, seven: my Maid Servant was knocked at that time, eight: my wife miscarried with a push, Nine, & sic de coeteris, I have so vexed and beggared the whole parish, with process, subpoenas, and such like molestations, they are not able to spare so much ready money from a Term, as would set up a new Weathercock: the Churchwardens are feign to go to law with the Poors money.  Phoen. 
Fie, fie.  Tan. 
And I so fetch up all the men every Term time that 'tis impossible to be at civil cuckoldry, within ourselves, unless the whole country rise upon our wives.  Fid. 
A my faith a pretty policy.  Phoen. 
Nay an excellent stratagem: but of all I most wonder at the continual substance of thy wit, that having had so many suits in law from time to time, thou hast still money to relieve 'em.  Fid. 
Has the best fortune for that, I never knew him without.  Tan. 
Why do you so much wonder at that? why this is my course: my Mare and I come up some five days before a Term.  Phoen. 
A good Decorum.  Tan. 
Here I Lodge as you see amongst inns, and places of most receipt—  Phoen. 
Very wittily.  Tan. 
By which advantage I dive into Country men's causes, furnish 'em with knavish counsel, little to their profit, buzzing into their Ears, this course, that writ, this office, that Ultimum refugium, as you know I have words enough for the purpose.  Phoen. 
Enough a conscience i'faith.  Tan. 
Enough a law, no matter for conscience. For which busy and laborious sweating courtesy, they cannot choose but feed me with money, by which I maintain mine own suits: ho, ho, ho.  Phoen. 
Why let me hug thee, Caper in mine arms.  Tan. 
Another special trick I have, nobody must know it, which is, to prefer most of those men to one Attorney whom I affect best, to answer which kindness of mine, he will sweat the better in my cause, and do them the less good, take't of my word, I helped my Attorney to more Clients the last Term than he will dispatch all his life time: I did it.  Phoen. 
What a noble memorable deed was there?  Enter Groom. Groo. 
Sir.  Tan. 
Now sir.  Groo. 
There's a kind of captain, very robustiously inquires for you.  Tan. 
For me? a man of war: a man of law is fit for a man of war: we have no leisure to say prayers: we both kill a Sunday mornings: I'll not be long from your sweet company.  Exit Phoen. 
O no I beseech you.  Fid. 
What captain might this be?  Phoe. 
Thou Angel sent amongst us, sober Law.  
Made with meek Eyes, persuading Action,  
No loud immodest Tongue, voiced like a virgin,  
And as chaste from sale,  
Save only to be heard, but not to rail.  
How has abuse deformed thee to all Eyes?  
That where thy virtues sat, thy vices rise,  
Yet why so rashly for one villains fault,  
Do I arraign whole man? Admired Law,  
Thy upper parts must needs be sacred, pure,  
And incorruptible, theyare grave and wise,  
'tis but the dross beneath 'em, and the clouds  
That get between thy glory and their praise,  
That make the visible and foul Eclipse,  
For those that are near to thee, are upright,  
As noble in their conscience, as their birth,  
Know that damnation is in every bribe,  
And rarely put it from 'em: rate the Presenters,  
And scourge 'em with five years imprisonment,  
For off ring but to tempt 'em.  
Thus is true justice exercised and used,  
"Woe to the giver when the Bribe's refused.  
'tis not their will, to have law worse than war,  
Where still the poor'st die first,  
To send a man without a sheet to his grave,  
Or bury him in his Papers.  
'tis not their mind it should be, nor to have  
A suit hang longer than a man in chains  
Let him be near so fastened, they least know  
That are above, the tedious steps below.  
I thank my time, I do.  Fid. 
I long to know what captain this should be:  Phaen. 
See where the Bane or every cause Returns.  Enter Tangle, with Captain. Fid. 
'Sfoot 'tis the captain my father in law, my L.  Phaen. 
Take heed.  Cap. 
The Divorce shall rest then, and the five hundred crowns shall stand in full force and virtue.  Tan. 
Then do you wisely Captain.  Cap. 
A way sail I, fare thee well.  Tan. 
A lusty crack or wind go with thee.  Cap. 
But ah!  Tan. 
Hah:  Cap. 
Remember a Scrivener  Tan. 
I'll have him for thee. Why thus am I sought after by all professions; here's a weather beaten Captain, who not long since new married to a Lady widow, would now fain have sued a Divorce between her and him, but that her honesty is his only hindrance: to be rid of which, he does determine to turn her into white money, and there's a Lord his Chapman has bid five hundred Crowns for her already.  Fid. 
How?  Tan. 
Or for his part, or whole in her.  Phaen. 
Why, do she leave to sell his wife?  Tang. 
His wife? I byth' mass, he would sell his soul if he knew what Merchant would lay out money upon't, and some of 'em have need of one they swear so fast.  Phae. 
Why, I never heard of the like.  Tang. 
Non audivisti, didst near here of that trick? why Pistor a Baker sold his wife other day to a cheesemonger, that made Cake and Cheese: another to a Cofferer: a third to a common player: why you see 'tis common: near fear the Captain, be has not so much wit to be a president himself: I promised to furnish him with an odd Scrivener of mine own, to draw the bargain, and sale of his Lady, your horses stand here Gentleman.  Phae. 
ay, ay, I.  Tang. 
I shall be busily plunged till towards bed time, above the chin in profundis.  Exit Phae. 
What monstrous days are these?  
Not only to be vicious, most men study,  
But in it to be ugly, strive to exceed,  
Each other in the most deformed deed.  Fid. 
Was this her private choice? did she neglect  
The presence and opinion of her friends, for this?  Phae. 
I wonder who that one should be,  
Should so disgrace that Reverend Name of Lord,  
So loathsomely to buy Adultery?  Fid. 
We may make means to know.  Phae. 
Take courage man, we'll beget some defence.  Fid. 
I am bound by nature.  Phae. 
I by Conscience— To sell his Lady: indeed she was a Beast to marry him, and so he makes of her, come, i'll thorough now I'm entered.  Exeunt. Enter jewellers wife with a Boy. Jew 
Is my sweet Knight coming, are you certain he's coming?  Boy. 
Certain for sooth, I am sure I saw him out of the barber's shop, ere I would come away.  Iew. 
A barber's shop, O he's a trim Knight, would he venture his body into a barber's shop, when he knows 'tis as dangerous as a piece of Ireland: O yonder, yonder, he comes, get you back again, and look you say as I advized you.  Enter Knight. Boy. 
You know me mistress?  Iew. 
My mask, my mask.  Knig. 
My sweet revenue!  Iew. 
My pleasure welcome: I have got single, none but you shall accompany me to the justice of peace my Fathers.  Knight. 
Why, is thy Father justice of Peace, and I not know it?  Iewe. 
My father! i'faith sir I, simply though I stand here a citizens wife: I am a justice of pieces Daughter.  Knight. 
I love thee the better for thy birth.  Knight. 
he's at thy service my sweet revenue, for thy money paid for 'em.  Iewe. 
Why then let him run a little before I beseech thee, for a my troth he will discover us else.  Knight. 
He shall obey thee, before sirrah, trudge: but do you mean to lie at your Fathers all night?  jewel. 
Why should I desire your company else?  Knight. 
'Sfoot where shall I lie then.  jewel. 
What an idle question's that? why do you think I cannot make room for you in my Father's house, as well as in my husbands, theyare both good for nothing else?  Knight. 
A man so resolute in valour as a Woman in desire, were an absolute Leader.  Exeunt. Enter two suitors with the justice Falso. 1 
May it please your good worship master justice.  Fals. 
Please me and please are yourself,  
That's my word.  1 
The party your worship sent for, will by no means be brought to appear.  Fals. 
He will not, then what would you advise me to do therein?  1 
Only to grant your worships warrant, which is of sufficient force to compel him.  Fals. 
No by my faith: you shall not have me in that Trap: am I sworn justice of Peace, and shall I give my warrant to fetch a man against his will? why there the peace is Broken, we must do all quietly, if he come he's welcome, and as far as I can see yet, he's a fool to be absent, I by this gold is he (which he gave me this morning)  1 
Why, but may it please your good worship.—  Fals. 
I say again please me and please yourself, that's my word still.  1 
Sir, the world esteems it a Common favour, upon the Contempt of the party, the justice to grant his warrant.  Fals. 
ay, 'tis so common, 'tis the worse again, 'twere the better for me 'twere otherwise.  1 
I protest sir, and this Gentleman can say as much, it lies upon my half undoing.  Fals. 
I cannot see yet, that it should be so— I see not a cross yet.  1 
I beseech your worship show me your immediate favour, and accept this small trifle but as a remembrance to my succeeding Thankfulness.  Fals. 
Angels? i'll not meddle with them, you give 'em to my wife not to me.  1 
ay, I sir.  Fals. 
But I pray tell me now, did the party Vina Voce, with his own mouth deliver that contempt, that that he would not appear, or did you but jest?  1 
Iest? no o' my troth sir, such was his insolent answer  Fals. 
And do you think it stood with my credit to put up such an abuse? will he not appear says he? I'll make him appear with a Vengeance Latronello.  Latr. 
does your worship call?  Fals. 
Draw me a strong limbed warrant for the Gentleman speedily, he will be bountiful to thee: go and thank him within.  1 
I shall know your worship hereafter.  Exeunt, Fals. 
ay, I prithee do. Two Angels one party, four another: and I think it a great spark of wisdom and policy (if a man come to me for justice) first to know his griefs by his fees, which be light and which be heavy: he may counterfeit else, & make me do justice for nothing: I like not that, for when I mean to be just, let me be paid well for't: the deed so rare, purges the bribe: how now, what's the news thou art come so hastily? how fares my Knightly Brother?  Furt. 
Troth he near fared worse in his life sir: he near had less stomach to his meat since I knew him.  Fal. 
Why sir?  Furt. 
Indeed he's dead sir.  Fal. 
How sir?  Furt. 
Newly deceased I can assure your Worship: the Tobacco-pipe new dropped out of his mouth before I took horse, a shrewd sign: I knew then there was no way but one with him, the poor pipe was the last man he took leave off in this world, who sold in three pieces before him, & seemed to mourn inwardly, for it looked as black the mouth as my master.  Fal. 
Would he die so like a Politician, & not once write his mind to me?  Fur. 
No I'll say that for him sir: he died in the perfect state of memory, made your worship his full and whole executor: bequeathing his Daughter, and with her all his wealth, only to your disposition.  Fals. 
Did he make such a godly end sayst thou? did he die so comfortably, and bequeath all to me?  Fur. 
Your niece is at hand sir, the will, & the witnesses.  Fals. 
What a precious joy and comfort's this, that a justices brother can die so well, nay in such a good and happy memory, to make me full executor. Well he was too honest to live, and that made him die so soon: now I beshrew my heart, I am glad he's in heaven, has left all his cares and troubles with me, and that great vexation of telling of Money, yet I hope he had so much grace before he died to turn his white money into gold, a great ease to his Executor.  Furt. 
See here comes your Niece my young mistress sir,  Fals. 
Ah my sweet Niece, let me kiss thee, & drop a tear between thy lips: one tear from an old man is a great matter, the cocks of age are dry, thou hast lost a virtuous father, to gain a notable uncle.  Niece. 
My hopes now rest in you next under heaven  Fals. 
Let 'em rest, let 'em rest.  Gent. 
Sir?  Fals. 
You're most welcome ere ye begin sir.  Gen. 
We are both led by oath and dreadful promise,  
Made to the dying man at his last sense,  
First to deliver these into your hands,  
The sureties and revealers of his state.  Fals. 
Good.  Gen. 
With this his only daughter and your Niece,  
Whose fortunes are at your disposing set,  
Uncle and father are in you both met.  Fals. 
Good i'faith, a well spoken Gentleman, you're not an Esquire sir?  Gent. 
Not sir.  Fals. 
Not sir? more's the pity: by my faith better men than you are, but a great many worse: you see I have been a Scholar in my time, though I'm a justice now: Niece you're most happily welcome, the charge of you is wholly and solely mine own: and since you are so fortunately come Niece, I'll rest a perpetual widower.  Niece. 
I take the meaning chaster than the words:  
Yet I hope well of both, since it is thus,  
His phrase off ends least that's known humourous.  Fal. 
I make my brother (says he) full and whole Executor, honestly done of him i'faith, seldom can a man get such a brother: and here again says he, very virtuously, I bequeath all to him and his disposing: an excellent fellow o' my troth, would you might all die no worse, Gentlemen.  Enter Knight with jewellers wife. Gen. 
But as much better as might be.  Kni. 
Bless your uprightness master justice,  Fals. 
You're most soberly welcome sir: daughter you'ave that ye kneel for, rise, salute your weeping cozen.  Iew. 
Weeping cozen?  Niece. 
I cozen.  Kni. 
Eye to weeping is very proper, and so is the party that spoke it believe me, a pretty, fine, slender, straight, delicate knit body.  
Oh how it moves a pleasure through our senses!  
How small are women's wastes to their expenses?  
I cannot see her face, that's under water yet.  Iew. 
News as cold to the heart as an old man's kindness: my uncle dead?  Niece. 
I have lost the dearest Father.  Fal. 
If she marry by your consent, choice and liking make her dowry five thousand crowns: hum, five thousand crowns? therefore by my consent she shall near marry, I will neither choose for her, like of it, nor consent to't.  Kni. 
Now by the pleasure of my blood a pretty cousin: I would not care, if I were as near kin to her, as I have been to her kinswoman.  Fals. 
Daughter, what Gentleman might this be?  Iew. 
No Gentleman sir, he's a Knight.  Fals. 
Is he but a knight? troth, I would ha' sworn had been a Gentleman, to see, to see, to see.  Iew. 
he's my husband's own brother, I can tell you (sir:  Fal. 
Thy husband's brother: speak certainly prithee.  Iew. 
I can assure you father, my husband and he has lain both in one belly.  Fal. 
I'll swear then he is his brother indeed, & by the surer side: I crave hearty pardon sweet kinsman that thou hast stood so long unsaluted in the way of kindred.  
Welcome to my board: I have a bed for thee,  
My daughter's husband's brother shall command,  
Keys of my Chests and Chambers.— I have stable for thy horse, chamber for thyself, and aloft above for thy lousy lackey, all fit, away with handkirchers, dry up eyes, at funeral we must cry: now let's be wise.  Exeunt. Iew. 
I told you his affection.  Fal. 
It falls sweetly.  Iew. 
But here I bar you from all plots tonight,  
The time is yet too heavy to be light.  Kni. 
Why, I'm còntent, i'll sleep as chaste as you,  
And wager night by night who keeps most true.  Iew. 
Well we shall see your temper.  Exeunt. Enter Phoenix and Fidelio. Phoen. 
Fear not me Fidelio: become you that invisible Rope-maker the Scrivener, that binds a man as he walks yet all his joints at liberty, as well as i'll fit that common folly of Gentry, the easy-affecting venturer, and no doubt our purpose will arrive most happily.  Fid. 
Chaste duty my Lord works powerfully in me, and rather than the poor Lady my mother should fall upon the common side of rumour to beggar her name, I would not only undergo all habits, offices, disguised professions, though e'en opposite to the temper my blood holds: but in the stainless quarrel of her reputation, alter my shape for ever.  Phoe. 
I love thee wealthier, thou hast a noble touch, & by this means which is the only safe means to preserve thy mother from such an ugly land and sea monster as a counterfeit Captain is, he resigning and basely selling all his estate, title, right, and interest in his Lady, as the form of the writing shall testify.  
What otherwise can follow but to have,  
A Lady safe delivered of a knave?  Fid. 
I am in debt my life, to the free goodness of your inventions.  Phoen. 
Oh they must ever strive to be so good,  
"Who sells his vow is stamped the slave of blood.  Exeunt Enter Captain his Lady following him. Cap. 
Away.  Ladi. 
Captain, my husband.  Cap. 
Hence, we're at a price for thee, at a price, wants but the telling, and the sealing, then—  Lady. 
Have you no sense, neither of my good name or your own credit?  Cap. 
Credit? pox of credit, that makes me owe so much: it had been better for me by a thousand Royals I had lost my credit, seven year ago, t'as undone me, that's it that makes me fly: what need I to sea else, in the Spring time, when Woods have leaves, to look upon bald Oak.  
Happier that man say I, whom no man trusts,  
It makes him valiant, dares outface the prisons,  
Upon whose carcase no Gowned Raven jets,  
Oh he that has no credit owes no debts.  
'tis time I were rid on't.  Lady. 
Oh why do you so wilfully cherish your own poison? and breath against the best of life, chaste credit.  
Well may I call it chaste, for like a Maid  
Once falsely broke it ever lives decayed.  
O Captain, husband, you name that Dishonest,  
By whose good power all that are honest live,  
What madness is it to speak ill of that,  
Which makes all men speak well, take away credit  
By which men amongst men, are well reputed,  
That man may live, but still lives executed.  
Oh then show pity to that noble Title  
Which else you do Usurp: you're no true Captain,  
To let your enemies lead you, foul disdain,  
And everlasting Scandal, Oh believe it!  
The money you receive for my good name  
Will not be half enough to pay your shame.  Cap. 
No, i'll sell thee then to the Smock: see here comes my honourable Chapman.  Enter Proditor. Lady. 
Oh my poison!  
Him, whom mine honour and mine eye abhors.  Exit. Prod. 
Lady, what so unjovially departed?  Cap. 
Fine she policy? she makes my back her Bolster, but before my face, she not endures him, Tricks.  Prod. 
Captain, how haps it she removed so strangely?  Cap. 
Oh for modesty's cause awhile my Lord: she must restrain herself, she's not yours yet:  
Beside, it wear not wisdom to appear,  
Easy before my sight, fah, wherefore serves modesty but to pleasure a Lady now and then, and help her from suspect, that's the best use 'tis put too.  Prod. 
Well observed of a Captain.  Cap. 
No doubt you'll be soon friends my Lord.  Prod. 
I think no less.  Cap. 
And make what haste I can to my ship, I durst wager you'll be under sail before me.  Prod. 
A pleasant voyage Captain.  Cap. 
ay, a very pleasant voyage as can be: I see the hour is Ripe, here comes the Prisons Bawd the bond-maker, one that binds heirs before they are begot.  Prod. 
And here are the crowns Captain, go? attend,  
Let our bay Courser wait.  Enter Phoenix and Fidelio both disguise. Lackey. 
It shall be obeyed.  Cap. 
A farmer's son, be't true?  Fid. 
Has crowns to scatter?  Cap. 
I give you your salute sir.  Phoen. 
I take it not unthankfully sir.  Cap. 
I hear a good report of you sir— you'ave money.  Phoen. 
I have so, true.  Cap. 
An excellent virtue.  Phoe. 
ay, to keep from you— hear you me Captain?  
I have a certain generous itch sir, to lose a few Angels in the way of profit: 'tis but a game at Tennis,  
Where if the ship keep above line, 'tis three to one:  
If not, there's but three hundred Angels gone.  Cap. 
Is your venture three hundred? you're very preciously welcome: here's a voyage toward will make us all.—  Phoen. 
Beggarly fools, and swarming knaves.  Prod. 
Captain, what's he?  Cap. 
Fear him not my Lord, he's a Gull, he ventures with me, some filthy farmer's son, the father's a jew, and the son a Gentleman: pha.—  Prod. 
Yet he should be a jew too, for he is new come from giving over swine.  Cap. 
Why, that in our Country makes him a Gentleman.  Prod. 
Go to, tell your money Captain.  Capi 
Read aloft Scrivener. 1.2.—  Fid. 
To all good and honest Christian people, to whom this present writing shall come: know you for a certain, that I Captain, for and in the consideration of the sum of five hundred crowns, have clearly bargained, sold, given, granted, assigned and set over, and by these presents do clearly bargain, sell, give, grant, assign and set over, all the right, estate, title, interest, demand, possession, and term of years to come, which I the said Captain have, or aught to have.—  Phoen. 
If I were as good as I should be,—  Fid. 
In and to Madonna Castiza, my most virtuous, modest, loving, and obedient wife.—  Cap. 
By my troth my Lord and so she is.— 3.4.5.6.7.  Phoe. 
The more Slave he that says it, and not sees it.  Fid. 
Together, with all and singular those admirable qualities with which her noble breast is furnished.  Cap. 
Well said Scrivener, hast put'em all in: you shall hear now my L.  Fid. 
In primis, the beauties of her mind, chastity, temperance, and above all, patience:  Cap. 
You have bought a jewel i'faith, my L, nine and thirty, forty.  Fid. 
Excellent in the best of Music, in voice delicious: in conference wise and pleasing: of age contentful: neither too young to be a pish, nor too old to be sottish  Cap. 
You have bought as lovely a pennyworth my Lord, as ere you bought in your life.  Pro 
Why should I buy her else Captain?  Fid. 
And which is the best, of a wife a most comfortable sweet companion.  Cap. 
I could not afford her so i'faith, but that I am-going to sea and have need of money.  Fid. 
A most comfortable sweet companion.  Prod. 
What again? the Scrivener reads in passion.  Fid. 
I read as the words move me: yet if that be a fault it shall be seen no more,— which said Madonna Castiza lying, & yet being in the occupation of the said captain  Cap. 
nineteen— occupation? Pox out, out with occupation, a Captain is of no occupation, man.  Phoen. 
Nor thou of no religion.  Fid. 
Now I come to the Habendum, to have and to hold, use and—  Cap. 
Use? put out use too for shame.  
Till we are all gone, I prithee.  Fid. 
And to be acquitted of and from all former bargains, former sales:  Cap. 
Former sails, nine & twenty thirty, by my troth my Lord, this is the first time that ever I sold her.  Prod. 
Yet the writing must run so Captain.  Cap. 
Let it run on then, nine and forty, fifty,—  Fid. 
Former sales, Gifts, Grants, Surrenders. re-entries.—  Cap. 
For re-entries, I will not swear for her.  Fid. 
And furthermore (I then said) of and for the consideration of the some of five hundred Crowns to set me a board before these presents utterly disclaim for ever, any Title, estate, right, interest, demand, or possession, in or to the said Madonna Castiza, my late virtuous, and unfortunate wife.  Phoe. 
Unfortunate indeed, that was well placed.  Fid. 
As also neither to touch, attempt, molest, or encumber any part, or parts whatsoever: either to be named or not to be named: either hidden or unhidden, either those that boldly look abroad, or those that dare not show their face.  Cap. 
Faces: I know what you mean by faces: Scrivener, there's a great figure in faces.  Fid. 
In witness whereof, I the said Captain have interchangeably set to my hand and seal: in presence of all these, the day and date above written.  Cap. 
Very good sir, I'll be ready for you presently, four hundred and twenty. 1.2.3.4.5.—  Phoe. 
Of all deeds, yet this strikes the deepest wound  
Into my apprehension,  
Reverend, and honourable Matrimony,  
Mother of lawful sweets, unshamed mornings:  
Dangerless pleasures, thou that mak'st the bed,  
Both pleasant, and legitimately fruitful: without thee,  
All the whole world were soiled Bastardy.  
Thou art the only and the greatest form.  
That puttest a difference between our desires  
And the disordered appetites of Beasts,  
Making their mates, those that stand next their lusts.  
Then,— with what base injury is thy goodness paid  
First, rare to have a Bride commence a Maid,  
But does beguile joy of the purity:  
And is made strict by power of Drugs and Art,  
An Artificial Maid, a Doctor Virgin,  
And so deceives the glory of his bod:  
A foul contempt, against the spotless power  
Of sacred wedlock, but if chaste and honest,  
There is another Devil haunts marriage,  
(None fondly loves but knows it) jealousy,  
That Wedlock's yellow sickness, that whispering separation every minute.  
And thus the curse takes his effect or progress,  
The most of men in their first sudden furies,  
Rail at the narrow bounds of marriage,  
And call't a prison than it is most just,  
That the disease o'th' prison, jealousy  
Should still affect 'em, but oh! here I am fixed,  
To make sale of a wife, monstrous and foul,  
An act abhorred in nature, could in soul:  
Who that has man in him, could so resign,  
To make his shame, the poesy to the Coin?  Cap. 
Right i'faith, my Lord fully five hundred,  Prod. 
I said how you should find it Captain, and with this competent sum you rest amply contented.  Cap. 
Amply contented.  Fid. 
here's the Pen Captain: your name to the sale.  Cap. 
'Sfoot dost take me to be a penman? I protest I could near write more than A, B, C, those three letters in my life.  Fid 
Why those will serve Captain.  Cap. 
I could near get further.  Phoe. 
Would you have got further than A B C? ah Base Captain, that's far enough i'faith.  Fid. 
Take the Seal off Captain.  Cap. 
It goes on hardly, and comes off easily.  Phoe. 
I just like a Coward.  Fid. 
Will you write witness Gentleman?  Cap. 
He? he shall, prithee come and set thy hand for witness Rogue, thou shall venture with me?  Phoe. 
Nay, than I ha' reason Captain that commands me?  Cap. 
What a fair fist the pretty whoreson writes, as if he had had manners and bringing up, a farmer's Son: his Father damns himself to sell musty Corn, while he ventures the Money, 'twill prosper well at Sea no doubt he shall near see't again  Fid. 
So, Captain you deliver this as your deed.  Cap. 
As my deed, what else sir?  Phoe. 
The ugliest deed that ere mine eye did witness  Cap. 
So my Lord, you have her, clip her, enjoy her, she's your own, and let me be proud to tell you now my Lord, she's as good a soul if a man had a mind to live honest, and keep a wench, the Kindest, sweetest, comfortablest Rogue.—  Prod. 
Hark in thine ear,  
The Baser slave art thou: and so i'll tell her,  
I love the Pearl, thou sold'st, hate thee the Seller—  
Go, to Sea, the end of thee— is Lousy.  Cap: 
This fine work: a very brave end, hum—  Pro. 
Well thought upon, this Scrivener may furnish me  Phoe. 
Why should this fellow be a Lord by birth?  
Being by blood a Knave, one that would sell  
His Lordship if he liked her Ladyship.  Fid. 
Yes my Lord.  Phoe: 
What's here Now?  Prod: 
I have employment for a trusty fellow, bold, sure—  Fid. 
What if he be a Knave my Lord?  Prod. 
There thou comest to me, why he should be so, and men of your quill are not unacquainted.  Fid. 
Indeed all our chief living my Lord, is by fools and knaves, we could not keep open shop else: Fools that enter into bonds, and Knaves that bind 'em.  Prod. 
Why now we meet.  Fid. 
And as my memory happily leads me: I know a fellow of a standing estate, never flowing: I durst convey treason into his bosom,  
And keep it safe nine years.  Prod. 
A goodly Time.  Fid. 
And if need were would press to an attempt,  
And cleave to Desperate action.  Prod. 
That Last fits me.  
Thou hast the measure right, look I hear from thee.  Fid. 
With duteous speed.  Prod. 
Expect a large reward:  
I will find time of her to find regard.  Exit. Cap. 
The end of me is lousy.  Fid. 
Oh my Lord! I have strange words to tell you.  Phoe. 
Stranger yet? i'll choose some other hour to listen to thee, I am yet sick of this, discover quickly.  Fid. 
Why, will you make yourself known my Lord  Phoe. 
I.  
Who scourgeth sin let him do't dreadfully.  Cap. 
Pox of his dissemblance: I will to sea.  Phoe. 
Nay, you shall to sea, thou wouldst poison the whole land else— why how now Captain?  Cap. 
In health.  Fid. 
What, drooping?  Phoen. 
Or a shamed of the sale of thine own wife?  Cap. 
You might count me an ass then i'faith.  Phoe. 
If not asham'd of that, what can you be a shamed of then?  Cap. 
prithee ha' done, I am ashamed of nothing.  Phoe. 
I easily believe that.  Cap. 
This Lord sticks in my stomach.  Phoe. 
How? take one of thy feathers down, and fetch him up.  Fid. 
I'd make him come.  Phoe. 
But what if the Duke should hear of this?  Fid. 
ay, or your Son in Law, Fidelio knows of the sale of his mother.  Cap. 
What and they did, I sell none but mine own: as for the Duke, he's abroad by this time, and for Fidelio he's in labour.  Phoe. 
He, in labour?  Cap: 
What call you traveling?  Phoe. 
That's true:— but let me tell you Captain: whether the Duke hear on't, or Fidelio know on't: or both, or neither, 'twas a most filthy loathsome part.  Fid 
A base unnatural deed—  Cap: 
Slave and fool:— ha, who? oh—  Phoe. 
Thou hateful villain: thou shouldst choose (to sink  
To keep thy baseness shrouded.  Enter his Lady. Fid. 
Ugly wretch.  La: 
Who hath laid violence upon my husband?  
My dear sweet Captain, help—  Phoe. 
Lady you wrong your value,  
Call you him dear that has sold you so cheap?  Lady 
I do beseech your pardon good my Lord.  Phoe. 
Rise.  Fid. 
My abused Mother:  La. 
My kind Son,  
Whose liking I neglected in this match.  Fid. 
Not that alone, but you far happier fortunes.  Captain 
Is this the Scrivener and the farmer's Son,  
Fire on his Lordship he told me they Travailed.  Phoe. 
And see the sum told out to buy that jewel  
More precious in a Woman than her eye, her honour:  
Nay take it to you Lady, and judge it,  
Too slight a recompense, for your great wrong, but that his riddance helps it.  Cap: 
'Sfoot he undoes me, I am a Rogue & a Beggar,  
The Egyptian plague creeps over me already,  
I begin to be lousy.  Phoe: 
Thus happily prevented, you're set free,  
Or else made over to adultery.  Lad. 
To heaven and to you my modest thanks.  Phoe. 
Monster, to sea, spit thy all horrid foam,  
Where it may do least harm, there's air and roeme.  
Thour't Dangerous in a Chamber, Virulext Venem,  
Unto a Lady's name, and her chaste breath  
If past this evenings verge, the Dukedom hold thee,  
Thou art reserved for abject punishment.  Cap: 
I do beseech your good Lordship consider the state of a poor downcast Captain.  Phoe. 
Captain, off with that noble title thou becomest it vildly, I near saw the name fit worse, i'll sooner allow a Pandar a Captain than thee.  Cap. 
More's the pity.  Phoe. 
Sue to thy Lady for pardon.  Lad. 
I give it without suit.  Cap. 
I do beseech your Ladyship not so much for pardon, as to bestow a few of those Crowns upon a poor unfeather Rover that will as truly pray for you, and wish you hanged, as any man breathing.  Lady. 
I give it freely all.  Phoe. 
Nay by your favour:  
I will contain you Lady, here, be gone:  
Use slaves like slaves— wealth keeps their faults unknown.  Cap. 
Well''m yet glad, i've liberty and these:  
The Land has plagued me, and i'll plague the seas.  Exit. Phoe. 
The Scene is cleared, the bane of brightness fled  
Who sought the death of honour, is struck dead.  
Come modest Lady:  Fid: 
My most honest mother.  Phoe. 
Thy virtue shall live safe from reach of shames,  
That Act ends nobly, preserves ladies' fames.  Exeunt. Enter justice, Knight, jewel. Fals. 
Why this is but the second time of your coming Kinsman, visit me oftener, Daughter, I charge you bring this Gentleman along with you: Gentleman, I I cry ye mercy sir, I call you Gentleman still: I forget you're but a Knight, you must pardon me sir.  Knight. 
For your worship's kindness— worship I cry you mercy sir, I call you worshipful still, I forget, you're but a justice.  Fals. 
I am no more i'faith.  Knig. 
You must pardon me sir.  Fals. 
'tis quickly done sir, you see I make bold with you Kinsman, thrust my Daughter and you into one Chamber.  Knight. 
Best of all sir: Kindred you know may lie anywhere.  Fals 
True, true sir, Daughter receive your blessing— take heed the Coach jopper not too much, have a care to the fruits of your body— look to her Kinsman.  Knight. 
Fear it not sir.  jewel. 
Nay Father though I say it, that should not say it, he looks to me more like a husband then a Kinsman.  Fals. 
I hear good commendations of you sir.  Knig. 
You hear the worst of me I hope sir,— I salute my leave sir.  Fals. 
You're welcome all over your body sir: nay, I can behave myself courtly, though I keep house i'th' Country: what, does my Niece hide herself, not present, ha? Latronello.  Latr. 
Sir.  Fals. 
Call my Niece to me.  Latr. 
Yes sir.  Fals. 
A foolish, coy, bashful thing it is, she's afraid to lie with her own Uncle: i'd do her no harm i'faith, I keep myself a widower a purpose, yet the foolish Girl will not look into't, she should have all i'faith, she knows I have but a time, cannot hold long, see where she comes, pray whom am I Niece?  Niece. 
I hope you're yourself.  
Uncle to me, and Brother to my Father.  Fals. 
Oh am I so, it does not appear so,— for surely you would love your Father's Brother for your Father's sake, your Uncle for your own sake.  Niece. 
I do so.  Fals. 
Nay you do nothing Niece.  Niece. 
In that love which becomes you best I love (you.  Fals. 
How should I know that love becomes me best?  Niece. 
Because 'tis chaste, and honourable.  Fals. 
Honourable! it cannot become me then Niece.  
For I'm scarce worshipful: Is this an age,  
To entertain bare love without the fruits  
When I received thee first, I looked  
Thou shouldst have been a wife unto my house  
And saved me from the charge of marriage.  
Do you think your Fathers five thousand pound would ha' made me take you else? no, you should near a ha' been a charge to me.  
As far as I can perceive yet by you,  
I've as much need to marry as ere I had: would not this be a great grief to your friends think you, if they were alive again?  Niece: 
'twould be a grief indeed.  Fals. 
Y'ave confessed  
All about house, that young Fidelio  
Who in his Travails does attend the Prince,  
Is your vowed love.  Niece. 
Most true, he's my vowed Husband.  Fals. 
And what's a Husband is not a Husband a stranger at first, and will you lie with a stranger before you lie with your own Uncle? take heed what ye do Niece, I counsel you for the best: strangers are drunken fellows I can tell you, they will come home late a-nights, beat their wives, and get nothing but Girls: look to't, if you marry, your stubbornness is your Dowry: five thousand Crowns were bequeathed to you, true, if you marry with my consent: but if ere you go to marrying by my consent, i'll go to hanging by yours: go too, be wise and love your Uncle.  Niece. 
I should have cause then to repent indeed.  
Do you so far forget the Offices  
Of blushing modesty? uncles are half Fathers,  
Why they come so near our bloods theyare e'en part of it.  Fals. 
Why now you come to me Niece: if your Uncle be part of your own flesh and blood, is it not then fit your own flesh and blood should come nearest to you? answer me to that Niece.  Niece. 
You do allude all to incestuous will,  
Nothing to modest purpose: turn me forth,  
Be like an Uncle of these latter days,  
perjured enough, enough unnatural,  
Play your Executorship, in Tyranny,  
Restrain my fortunes, keep me poor, I care not,  
In this alone most women i'll excel,  
I'll rather yield to beggary then to hell.  Exit. Fals. 
Very good, a my troth my Niece is Valiant, she's made me richer by five thousand Crowns, the price of her Dowry: are you so honest, I do not fear but I shall have the Conscience to keep you poor enough Niece, or else I am quite altered a late— The News, may it please you sir?  Latron. 
Sir, there's an old fellow, a kind of Law-driver, entreats conference with your worship.  Fals. 
A Law-driver, prithee drive him hither.  Enter Tangle. Tan. 
No, no I say if it be for defect of Appearance, take me out a special Significavit.  Whin. 
Very good sir.  Tan. 
Then if he purchase an Alias or Capias, which are Writs of custom, only to delay time, your Procedendo does you Knights service— that's nothing at all, get your Distringas out as soon as you can for a jury.  Whi. 
I'll attend your god worships coming out.  Tan. 
Do I prithee, attend me, i'll take it kindly, a Voluntate.  Fals. 
What, old Seigneur Tangle!  Tan. 
I am in debt to your worship's remembrance.  Fals. 
My old master of Fence: come, come, come, I have not exercised this twelve Moons, I have almost forgot all my Law-weapons.  Tan. 
They are under fine and Recovery, your worship shall easily recover them.  Fals. 
I hope so: when there?  Latron. 
Sir.  Fals. 
The Rapler and Dagger foils instantly: and what's thy suit to me old Tangle, i'll grant it presently.  Tang. 
Nothing but this sir, to set your worship's hand to the commendation of a Knave whom nobody speaks well on.  Fals. 
The more shame for 'em, what was his offence I pray?  Tang. 
Vestras Deducite Culpas— nothing but robbing a Vestry.  Fals. 
What, what! alas poor Knave, give me the Paper, he did but save the Churchwardens a labour: come, come, he has done a better deed in't then the parish is a aware off, to prevent the Knaves, he robs but seldom, they once a quarter: methinks 'twere a part of good justice, to hang 'em at years end, when they come out of their office, to the true terrifying of all Collectors and Sidemen.  Tang. 
Your worship would make a fruitful commonwealths man, the Constable lets 'em alone, looks on, and says nothing.  Fals. 
A lass good man, he lets 'em alone for quietness sake, and takes half a share with 'em: they know well enough too, he has an impediment in his tongue, he's always drunk when he should speak.  Tang. 
Indeed your worship speaks true in that sir: they blind him with beer, and make him so narrow eyed, that he winks naturally at all their Knaveries,  Fals. 
So, so, here's my hand to his commendations.  Tangle. 
A Charitate, you do a charitable deed in't sir.  Fals. 
Nay, if it be but a Vestry matter, visit me at any time, old signior Law-thistle! O well done, here are the Foils, come, come sir, i'll try a Law-bout with you.  Tan. 
I am afraid I shall overthrow you sir i'faith.  Fals. 
'tis but for want of use then sir.  Tan. 
Indeed that same odd word Use, makes a man a good Lawyer, and a woman an arrant— tuh tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, now am I for you sir: but first to bring you into form, can your worship name all your weapons?  Fals. 
That I can I hope, let me see, longsword, what's Longsword? I am so dulled with doing justice, that I have forgot all i'faith.  Tan. 
Your long sword, that's a writ of delay.  Fals. 
Mass that swords long enough indeed, I ha' known it reach the length of fifteen Terms.  Tang 
fifteen Terms, that's but a short sword.  Fals. 
methinks 'tis long enough, proceed sir.  Tang. 
A Writ of Delay, longsword.  
Scandala Magnatum, Backsword.  Fals. 
Scandals are back-swords indeed  Tang. 
Capias cominus, Case of rapiers.  Fals. 
Oh Desperate!  Tang. 
A Latitat, sword and Dagger.  Fals. 
A writ of Execution, Rapier and Dagger.  Fals. 
Thou art come to our present weapon, but what call you sword and Buckler then?  Tang. 
Oh! that's out of use now, sword and Buckler was called a good conscience, but that weapons left long ago, that was too manly a fight, too sound a weapon for these our days, 'slid we are scarce able to lift up a Buckler now, our arms are so bound to the Pox: one good bang upon a Buckler would make most of our Gentlemen fly a pieces, 'tis not for these linty times, our Lawyers are good rapier and Dagger men, they'll quickly dispatch your— money.  Fals. 
Indeed since sword and buckler time, I have observed, there has been nothing so much fighting: where be all our gallant Swaggerers? there are no good frays o'late.  Tang. 
Oh sir, the properties altered, you shall see less fighting every day then other, for every one gets him a Mistress, and she gives him wounds enough, and you know, the Surgeons cannot be here and there too, if there were red wounds too, what would become of the Reinish wounds?  Fals. 
Thou sayst true i'faith, they would be but ill favouredly looked to then.  Tang. 
Very well sir.  Fals. 
I expect you sir.  Tang. 
I lie in this court for you sir, my rapier is my Attorney, and my Dagger his clerk.  Fals. 
Your Attorney wants a little oiling, methinks, he looks very Rustily.  Tang. 
'tis but his proper colour sir, his Father was an Iremonger, he will near look brighter, the rust has so eat into him, has never any leisure to be made clean.  Fals. 
Not in the vacation.  Tang. 
Non Vacat exiguis rebus adesse iovi.  Fals. 
Then jove will not be at leisure to scour him, because he near came to him before.  Tang. 
You're excellent at it sir— and now you lest think on't, I arrest you sir.  Fals. 
Very good sir.  Tang. 
Nay very bad sir by my faith— I follow you still, as the Officers will follow you as long as you have a penny.  Fals. 
You speak sentences sir— by this time have I tried my friends, and now I thrust in bail—  Tang: 
This bail will not be taken sir, they must be two Citizens that are no Cuckolds.  Fals. 
by’r lady then I'm like to lie by it, I had rather 'twere a hundred that were.  Tang. 
Take heed I bring you not to an Nisiprius sir.  Fals. 
I must ward myself as well as I may sir.  Tang. 
'tis Court day now, Declarat Atturnatus, my Attorney gapes for money.  Fals. 
You shall have no Advantage yet, I put in my Answer.  Fals. 
I follow the suit still sir.  Fals. 
I like not this Court by’r lady— I: take me out a writ of Remove, a writ of Remove, do you see sir?  Tang: 
Very well sir.  Fals. 
And place my cause higher.  Tang, 
There you started me sir— yet for all your Demurs, Plures, and Sursurarers, which are all Longswords: that's Delays: all the comfort is, in nine years a man may overthrow you.  Fal. 
You must thank your good friends then sir.  Tang. 
Let nine years pass, five hundred crowns cast away a both sides, and the suit not twenty, my Counsellors wife must have another hood you know, and my Attorneys wife will have a new forepart, yet see at length law, I shall have law: now beware, I bring you to a narrow exigent, and by no means can you avoid the Proclamation—  Fals. 
Oh!  Tang. 
Now follows a writ of execution, a Capias, vt Legatum, gives you a wound mortal, trips up your heels, and lays you i'th' Counter.  Fals. 
O Villain!  Tang. 
I cry your worship heartily mercy sir, I thought we had been in Law together, Aduersarius contra aduersarium by my troth.  Fals. 
Oh! reach me thy hand, I near had such an overthrow in my life.  Tang. 
'twas long of your Attorney there, he might ha' staid the execution of Capias vt Legatum, and removed you with a Supersedeas non molestandum into the Court of Equity.  Fals. 
Pox on him, he fell out of my hand when I had most need of him,  Tan. 
I was bound to follow the suit sir.  Fals. 
Thou couldst do no less than overthrow me,  
I must needs say so.  Tang. 
You had recovered cost else sir.  Fals. 
And now byth' mass I think I shall hardly recover without cost.  Tang. 
Nay, that's Certoscio, an execution is very chargeable.  Fals. 
Well, it shall teach me wit as long as I am a justice: I perceive by this trial, if a man have a sound fall in Law, he shall feel it in his bones all his life after.  Tang. 
Nay, that's Recto upon Record, for I myself was overthrown in eighty eight by a tailor, and I have had a Stitch in my side ever since, oh!  Exeunt. Toward the close of the music, the justices three men prepare for a robbery. Enter justice Falso, untrust. Fals. 
Why Latronello, Furtivo, Fucato, where be these lazy knaves that should truss me, not one stirring yet?  A cry within. 
Follow, follow, follow.  Fals. 
What news there?  A cry. 
This way, this way, follow, follow.  Fals. 
Hark you sluggish Soporiferous villains, there's knaves abroad when you are a-bed, are ye not asham'd on't, a justices men should be up first, and give example all knaves.  Enter two of his men tumbling in, in False beards. Latro. 
Oh I beseech your good worship.  Fuca. 
Your worshipful worship.  Fal. 
thieves, my two hand sword, i'm robbed i'th' Hall, Latronello, Knaves, come down, my two hand sword I  Latron. 
I am Latronello, I beseech your worship, (say.  Fals. 
Thou Latronello, thou liest, my men scorn to have beards.  Latr. 
We forget our beards, now I beseech your worship quickly remember us.  Fals. 
How now?  Fuc. 
Nay there's no time to talk of how now, 'tis done.  A cry. 
Follow, follow, follow.  Latro. 
four mark and a Livery is not able to keep life and soul together, we must fly out once a quart, 'tis for your worship's credit to have money in our purse, our Fellow Furtivo is taken in the Action.  Fal. 
A pox on him for a lazy knave, would he be taken?  Fuc. 
They bring him along to your worship, your the next justice, now or never show yourself a good master, an upright Magistrate, and deliver him out of their hands.  Fals. 
Nay, he shall find me— apt enough to do him good I warrant him.  Latr: 
He comes in a false beard sir.  Fals. 
'Sfoot what, should he do here else? there's no coming to me in a true on: if he had one,— the slave to be taken: do not I keep Geldings swift enough?  Latron. 
The goodliest Geldings of any Gentleman in the shire.  Fals. 
Which did the whoreson knave ride upon?  Enter. 
Upon one of your best sir.  Fucat. 
Stand and deliver.  Fals. 
Upon Stand and Deliver: the very Gelding I choose for mine own riding, as nimble as Pegasus the flying horse yonder: go shift yourselves into your coats, bring hither a great chair, and a little table.  Fucat. 
With all present speed sir.  Fals. 
And Latronello.  Latron. 
ay sir.  Fals. 
Sit you down, & very soberly take the examination.  Latro. 
I'll draw a few horse heads in a paper, make a show: I hope I shall keep my countenance.  Fals. 
Pox on him again, would he be taken? he frets me: I have been a youth myself, I ha' seen the day I could have told money out of other men's purses (Mass so I can do now) nor will I keep that fellow about me that dares not bid a man stand: for as long as drunkenness is a vice, stand is a virtue: but I would not have 'em taken. I remember now betimes in a morning I would have peeped through the green boughs, & have had the party presently, and then to ride away sinelye in fear, 'twas e'en Venery to me i'faith, the pleasantst course of life, one would think every Woodcok a Constable, and every Owl an officer, but those days are passed with me: and a my troth I think I am a greater thief now, and in no danger: I can take my ease, sit in my Chair, look in your faces now, and rob you, make you bring your money by authority put off your hat, and thank me for robbing of you, O there is nothing to a thief under Covert barn.  Enter Phoenix, Fidelio being robbed, Constable, Officers and the Thief Furtino. Const. 
Come Officers bring him away.  Fals. 
Nay, I see thee through thy false beard, thou mid-wind chinned Rascal,  
How now my Masters, what's he? ha?  Con. 
Your worship knows, I never come but I bring a thief with me.  Fals. 
Thou hast left thy wont else Constable.  Phoe. 
Sir, we understand you to be the only up rightness of this place.  Fals. 
But I scare understand you sir.  Phoe. 
Why then you understand not yourself sir.  Fals. 
Such another word, and you shall change places with the Thief.  Phoe. 
A maintainer of equal causes I mean.  Fals. 
Now I have you, proceed sir.  Phoe. 
This Gentleman and myself, being led hither by occasion of business, have been offered the discourtesy of the Country, set upon by three thieves and robbed.  Fals. 
What are become of the other two, Latronello, and Fuca?  Latro. 
Here sir.  Phoe. 
They both made away from us, the cry pursues 'em, but as yet none but this taken.  Fals. 
Latronello.  Latron. 
Sir.  Fals. 
Take his examination.  Latro. 
Yes sir.  Fals. 
Let the Knave stand single.  Furt. 
Thank your good worship.  Fals. 
Has been a suitor at Court sure, he thanks me for nothing.  Phoe. 
he's a Thief now sure.  Fals. 
That we must know of him, what are you sir?  Furt. 
A piece next to the Tail sir— a Servingman.  Fals. 
By my troth a pretty phrase and very cleanly handled, put it down Latronello: thou mayst make use on't. Is he of honour or worship whom thou servest?  Fur. 
Of both dear sir, honourable in mind, and worshipful in body.  Fals. 
Why would one wish a man to speak better?  Phoen 
Oh sir, they most commonly speak best, that do worst.  Fals. 
Say you so sir, then we'll try him farther,— does your right worshipful master, go before you, as an ensample of Vice, and so encourage you to this slinking iniquity? he is not a Lawer, is he?  Furt. 
Has the more wrong sir, both for his conscience, and honesty, he deserves to be one.  Fal. 
Pity he's thief i'faith, I should entertain him else.  Phoen. 
ay, if he were not as he is, he would be better than himself.  Furt. 
No 'tis well known sir, I have a master, the very picture of wisdom,  Lat. 
For indeed he speaks not one wise word.  Furt. 
And no man but will admire to hear of his Virtues.  Lat. 
Because he near had any in all his life.  Fals. 
You write all down Latronello.  Latr. 
I warrant you sir.  Furt. 
So sober, so discrete, so judicious:  Fals. 
Hum.  Furt. 
And above all, of most reverend gravity.  Fals. 
I like him for one quality, he speaks well of his master, he will fare the better:— Now sir, let me touch you,  Fur. 
ay sir.  Fals. 
Why, serving a Gentleman of such worship and wisdom, such sobriety and virtue, such discretion and judgement as your master is, do you take such a beastly course, to stop horses, hinder Gentlewomen from their meetings, and make Citizens never ride but a sundays, only to avoid Morning prayer and you: is it because your worshipful Ma. feeds you with lean spits, pays you with Irish money, or clothes you in northern dozens?  Furt. 
Far be it from his mind, or my report, 'tis well known he kept worshipful cheer the day of his wives burial, pays our four marks a year as duly by twelve pence a quarter as can be.  Phoe. 
His wisdom swallows it.  Furt. 
And for Northern dozens, fie, fie, we were near troubled with so many.  Fals. 
Receiving then such plenteous blessings from your virtuous and bountiful master, what cause have you to be thief now? answer me to that gear:  Furt. 
'tis e'en as a man gives his mind to't sir.  Fals. 
How sir?  Furt. 
For alas, if the whole world were but of one trade; traffic were nothing: if we were all truemen, we should be of no trade: what a pitiful world would here be, heaven forbid we should be all truemen: then how should your worships next suit be made? not a Tailor left in the land: of what stuff would you have it made? not a Merchant left to deliver it, would your worship go in that suit still? You would ha' more thieves about you then those you have banished, and be glad to call the great ones home again, to destroy the little.  Phoe. 
A notable Rogue.  Fal. 
A my troth, a fine knave, & has answered me gloriously, what wages wilt thou take after thou art hang'd?  Furt. 
More than your worship's able to give, I would think foul scorn to be a justice then.  Fal. 
He says true too i'fath, for we are all full of corruption here,— hark you my friends.  Phoe. 
Sir.  Fal. 
By my troth if you were no crueler than I, I could find in my heart to let him go.  Phoe. 
Could you so sir, the more pitiful justice you.  Fal. 
Nay I did but to try you, if you have no pity, I'll ha' none, away he's a Thief, to prison with him.  Furt. 
I am content sir.  Fal. 
Are you content, bring him back, nay then you shall not go.  Fal. 
I'll be as cruel as you can wish: you're content, belike you have a trick to break prison, or a bribe for the Officers.  Const. 
For us sir?  Fal. 
For you sir? what colour's silver I pray, you near saw money in your life:— I'll not trust you with him, Latronello and Fucato, lay hold upon him, to your charge I commit him.  Furt. 
Oh, I beseech you sir.  Fal. 
Nay if I must be cruel, I will be cruel.  Furt. 
Good sir, let me rather go to prison.  Fal. 
You desire that,— I'll trust no prison with you, I'll make you lie in mine own house, or I'll know why I shall not.  Furt. 
Merciful sir.  Fals. 
Since you have no pity I will be cruel.  Phoe. 
Very good sir, you please us well.  Fals. 
You shall appear tomorrow sirs.  Furt. 
Upon my knees sir.  Fal. 
You shall be hanged out a'th' way, away with him Latronello, and Fucato,— Officers I discharge you my house, I like not your company.  
Report me as you see me, fire and fuel,  
If men be Jews, justices must be cruel.  Exeunt. Phoe. 
So sir, Extremes set of all Actions thus,  
Either too tame, or else too tyrannous:  
He being bent to fury, I doubt now  
We shall not gain access unto your love or she to us.  Fid. 
Most wishfully here she comes.  Enter Niece. Phoen. 
Is that she?  Fid. 
This is she my Lord.  Phoen. 
A modest presence.  Fid. 
Virtue bless you Lady,  Niece. 
You wish me well sir.  Fid. 
I'd first in charge this kiss, and next this paper,  
You'll know the language, 'tis Fidelios.  Niece. 
My ever vowed love, how is his health?  Fid. 
As fair as is his favour with the Prince.  Nee. 
I'm sick with joy, does the Prince love him so?  Fid. 
His life cannot requite it,  
Not to wrong the remembrance of his love,  
I had a token for you, kept it safe,  
Till by misfortune of the way this morning,  
Thieves set upon this Gentleman and myself,  
And with the rest robbed that.  Niece. 
Oh me, I'm dearly sorry for your chance, was it your loss?  
They boldly look you in the face that robbed you,  
No farther villains than my uncles men.  Phoen. 
What Lady?  Niece. 
'tis my grief I speak so true.  Fid. 
Why my Lord?  Phoen. 
But give me pausing Lady: was he one that took the examination?  Niece. 
One and the chief.  Phoe. 
Henceforth hang him that is no way a thief,  
Then I hope few will suffer,— nay all the jest was, he committed him to the charge of his fellows, and the rogue made it lamentable, cried to leave'em.  
None live so wise but fools may once deceive 'em?  Fid. 
An uncle so insatiate?  Phoen. 
ay, be't not strange too,  
That all should be by Nature vicious, and he bade against  
Nature?  Niece. 
Then you have heard the sum of all my wrongs.  Phoe. 
Lady, we have, and desire rather now  
To heal 'em, than to hear 'em:  
For by a letter from Fidelio  
Direct to us, we are entreated jointly,  
To hasten your remove from this foul den,  
Of theft and purposed incest:  Niece. 
I rejoice in his chaste care of me, I'll soon be furnished.  Fid. 
He writes that his return cannot be long.  Niece. 
I'm chiefly glad,— but whither is the place?  Phoen. 
To the safe seat of his late wronged mother.  Niece. 
I desire it,—  
Her conference will fit mine, well you prevail,  Phoen. 
At next grove we'll expect you:  Niece. 
I'll not fail.  Exeunt. Enter Knight, and jewella. Knig. 
It stands upon the frame of my reputation I protest Lady.  jewel. 
Lady, that word is worth an hundred Angels at all times, for it cost more: if I live till tomorrow night, my sweet pleasure thou shalt have them.  Kni. 
Could you not make 'em a hundred and fifty think you?  Iew. 
I'll do my best endeavour to multiply, I assure you.  Kni. 
Could you not make 'em two hundred?  Iew. 
No by my faith.—  Kn. 
Peace, i'll rather be confined in the hundred & fifty.  jewel. 
Come e'en much about this time, when Taverns give up their Ghosts, and Gentlemen are in their first cast.—  Knig. 
I'll observe the season.  Iew. 
And do but whirl the Ring a'th' door once about, my maidservant shall be taught to understand the language.  Kni. 
Enough my sweet Revenue.  Iew. 
Good rest my effectual pleasure.  Exeunt. Enter Proditor, and Phoenix. Prod. 
Come hither Phoenix.  Phoe. 
What makes your honour break so early?  Prod. 
A toy, I have a toy.  Phoe. 
A toy my Lord.  Prod: 
Before thou layest thy wrath upon the duke,— be advised.  Phoe: 
ay, ay, I warrant you my Lord.  Prod. 
Nay, give my words honour, hear me,  
I'll strive to bring this Act into such form,  
And credit amongst men, they shall suppose.  
Nay verily believe the Prince his son,  
To be the plotter of his Father's murder.  Phoe: 
Oh that were infinitely admirable!  Prod. 
Wert not, it pleaseth me beyond my bliss:  Prod. 
Then if his son meet death as he returns,  
Or by my hired Instruments turn up,  
The general voice will cry— O happy vengeance!  Phoe. 
O blessed vengeance!  Pro. 
ay, i'll turn my brain  
Into a thousand uses, Tire my inventions,  
Make my blood sick with study, and mine eye  
More hollow than my heart, but I will fashion,  
Nay I will fashion it,— Canst counterfeit?  Phoe. 
The PRINCE's hand, more truly, most direct,  
You shall admire it.  Prod. 
Necessary mischief.  
Next to a woman, but more close in secrets  
Thou'rt all the kindred that my breast vouchsafes,  
Look into me anon,— I must frame, and muse, and  
fashion—  Exit. Phoe. 
'twas time to look into thee, in whose heart  
Treason grows ripe, and therefore fit to fall,  
That slave first sinks, whose envy threatens all,  
Now is his Venom at full height.  Voices within. 1 Voic. 
Lying, or being in the said County in the Tenor and occupation aforesaid.  2 Voice. 
No more then, a writ of course upon the matter of—  3. Voice. 
Silence.  4. Voice. 
Oh o-o-o-yes Carlo Turbulenzo, appear or lose twenty mark in the suits.  Phoe: 
Ha? whether have my thoughts conveyed me? I am now within the Dizzy murmur of the law.  1 Voice. 
So that then, the cause being found clear, upon the last citation.  4 Voice. 
Carlo turbulenzo, Come into the Court.  Enter Tangle with two after him. Tang. 
Now, now, now, now, now, upon my knees I praise Mercury the God of law, I have two suits at issue, two suits at issue.  1 
Do you hear sir?  Tang. 
I will not hear, i've other business.  1 
I beseech you my learned Counsel.  Tang. 
Beseech not me, beseech not me, I am a mortal man, a Client as you are, beseech not me.  1 
I would do all by your worship's direction.  Tang. 
Then hang thyself.  2 
Shall I take out a special supplicavit.  Tang. 
Mad me not, torment me not, tear me not, you'll give me leave to hear mine own cause, mine own cause  1. Voice. 
Nay moreover, and farther—  Tang. 
Well said my Lawyer, well said, well said.  1. Voice. 
All the opprobious speeches that man could invent all malicious invectives, called Wittol to his face.  Tan. 
That's I, that's I, thank you my learned counsel for your good remembrance: I hope I shall overthrow him horse and foot.  1. 
Nay but good sir.  Tang: 
No more sir, he that brings me happy news first i'll relieve first.  Both. 
Sound executions rot thy cause and thee.  Exeunt: Ta: 
ay, ay, ay, pray so still, pray so still, they'll thrive the better  Phoe. 
I wonder how this fellow keeps out madness?  
What stuff his brains are made on?  Tan. 
I suffer, I suffer,— till I hear a judgement.  Phoe. 
What old signor?  Tan 
Prithee I will not know thee now, 'tis a busy time, a busy time with me.  Phoe. 
What not me signior?  Tang. 
Oh cry thee mercy, give me thy hand,— fare thee well,— has no relief again me then,— his demurs will not help him, his Sursarara's will but play the knaves with him.  Enter justice Falso. Phoen. 
The justice: 'tis he  Fals. 
Have I found thee i'faith? I thought where I should smell thee out old Tangle.  Tan. 
What old signior justicer,— embrace me another time and you can possible: how does all thy wives children,— well? that's well said i'fath.  Fals. 
Hear me old Tangle.  Tan. 
Prithee do not ravish me, let me go.  Fals. 
I must use some of thy counsel first.  Tan. 
Sirrah, I ha' brought him to an Exigent, hark that's my cause, that's my cause yonder, I twinge him, I twinge him.  Fals. 
My Niece is stolen away.  Tan. 
Ah, get me a ne exeat Regno quickly, nay you must not stay upon'nt, I'd fain have you gone.  Fals. 
A ne exeat Regno, i'll about it presently,— adieu.  Phoe. 
You seek to catch her justice, she'll catch you.  1 
A judgement, a judgement.  Enter 1. Tang. 
What, what, what?  1 
Overthrown, overthrown, overthrown.  Tan. 
Ha, a, a.  2 
News, news, news.  Enter 2. Tan. 
The devil, the devil, the devil.  2 
Twice Tangle's overthrown, twice Tangles overthrown.  Tang. 
Hold:  Phoen. 
Now old cheater of the Law,  Tang. 
Pray give me leave to be mad.  Phoen. 
Thou that hast found such sweet pleasure in the vexation of others.  Tang. 
May I not be mad in quiet?  Phoe. 
Very Marrow, very manna to thee to be in law.  Tang. 
Very syrup of Toads, and preserved Adders.  Phoe. 
Thou that hast vexed, and beggared the whole  
Parish, and made the honest Church wardens go to  
Law with the poors money.  Tang. 
Hear me, do but hear me, I pronounce a terrible, horrible curse upon you all— and wish you to my Attorney: see where a Praemunire comes a Dedimus potestatem, and that most Dreadful Execution, Excommunicato Capiendo, there's no bail to be taken, I shall rot in fifteen jails: make Dice of my bones, and let my Counsellors Son play away his Father's money with 'em; may my bones revenge my quarrel!— A Capias Cominus? here, here, here, here: quickly dip your Quills in my blood, off with my skin and write fourteen lines of a side— there's an honest conscionable fellow, he takes but ten shillings of a Bellows-mender— here's another deals all with charity, you shall give him nothing, only his wife an embroidered petticoat, a gold fringe for her tail, or a border for her head, ah sirrah! you shall catch me no more in the spring of your Knaveries.  Exeunt. 1 
Follow, follow him still, a little thing now sets him forward.  Phoe. 
None can except against him, the man's mad,  
And privileged by the Moon, if he say true:  
Less madness 'tis to speak sin, than to do.  
This wretch that loved before, his food, his strife,  
This punishment falls even with his life.  
His pleasure was vexation, all his bliss  
The torment of another.  
Their heart, his health: their starved hopes his store,  
Who so loves Law, dies either mad or poor.  Enter Fidelio. Fid. 
A miracle, a miracle!  Phoe. 
How now Fidelio?  Fid. 
My Lord a miracle!  Phoe. 
What be't?  Fid. 
I have found  
One quiet, suffering, and unlawyered man.  
An opposite, a very Contrary  
To the old turbulent fellow.  Phoe. 
Why he's mad.  Fid. 
Mad, why he is in his right wits, could he be madder than he was, if he be any way altered from what he was, 'tis for the better, my Lord.  Phoe. 
Well, but where's this wonder?  Fid. 
'tis coming my Lord: A man so truly a man, so indifferently a creature, using the world in his right nature but to tread upon, one that would not bruise, the cowardly est enemy to man, the worm, that dares not show his malice till we are dead: nay my Lord, you will admire his temper! see where he comes, I promised your acquaintance, sir  Enter Quieto. 
Yond is the Gentleman I did commend for Temper.  Qui. 
Let me embrace you simply.  
That's perfectly, and more in heart than hand:  
Let affectation keep at Court.  Phoe. 
ay, let it.  Qu. 
'tis told me you love quiet  Phoe. 
Above wealth.  Qu. 
I above life: I have been wild and rash  
Committed many and unnatural crimes,  
Which I have since repented.  Phoe. 
'twas well spent.  Qui. 
I was mad, stark mad, nine years together.  Phoe. 
I pray! as how?  Qui. 
Going to law, i'faith it made me mad.  Phoe. 
With the like frenzy not an hour since  
An aged man was struck.  Qui. 
Alas I pity him.  Phoe. 
he's not worth pitying, for 'twas still his gladness to be at variance.  Qui. 
Yet a man's worth pity,  
My quiet blood has blessed me with this gift,  
I have cured some, and if his wits be not  
Too deeply cut, I will assay to help 'em.  Phoe. 
Sufferance does teach you pity.  Enter his Boy. Boy. 
O Master, Master, your abominable next neighbour came into the house, being half in drink, and took away your best Carpet.  Qui. 
Has he it?  Boy. 
Alas sir:  Qui. 
Let him go, trouble him not, lock the door quietly after him, and have a safer care who comes in next.  Phoe. 
But sir, might I advise you, in such a cause as this, a man might boldly, nay with conscience go to Law.  Qui. 
Oh, i'll give him the table too first. Better endure a fist then a sharp sword: I had rather they should pull off my clothes then flay of my skin, and hang that on mine enemy's hedge.  Phoe. 
Why, for such good causes was the law ordained:  Qui. 
True, and in itself 'tis glorious and divine,  
Law is the very Master piece of heaven:  
But see yonder.  
there's many Clouds between the sun and us,  
There's too much cloth before we see the Law:  Phoe. 
I'm content with that answer, be mild still,  
'tis honour to forgive those you could kill.  Quie. 
There do I keep.  Phoe. 
Reach me your hand, I love you,  
And you shall know me better.  Quie. 
'tis my suit.  Phoe. 
The night grows deep— and—  Enter two Officers. 1 Off: 
Come away, this way, this way.  Phoe. 
Who be those? stand close a little.  jars the Ring of the Door, the Maid enters catches him. Maid. 
Oh, you're come as well as ere you came in your life, my master's new gone to bed, give me your Knightly hand, I must lead you into the blind Parlour, my mistress will be down to you presently.  Takes in Phoenix, amazed. 1 Off. 
I tell you our safest course will be to arrest him when he comes out a'th' Tavern: for then he will be half drunk, and will not stand upon his weapon.  2 
Our safest course indeed, for he will draw.  1 
That he will, though he put it up again, which is more of his courtesy, then of our deserving.  Exeunt. Qui. 
The world is nothing but vexation,  
Spite and uncharitable Action.  Fid. 
Did you see the Gentleman?  Qui. 
Not I.  Fid. 
Where should he be, it may be he's passed by,  
Good sir, let's overtake him.  Exeunt Enter Phoenix with the Maid. Maid. 
Here sir, now you are there sir, she'll come down to you instantly, I must not stay with you, my Mistress would be jealous, you must do nothing to me, my mistress would find it quickly.  Exit. Phoe. 
'Sfoot whether am I led? brought in byth' hand? I hope it can be no harm to stay for a woman, though indeed they were never more dangerous, I have ventured hitherto and safe, and I must venture to stay now, this should be a fair Rome, but I see it not, the blind Parlour calls she it?  Enter jewel. Iew. 
Where art thou, O my Knight!  Phoe: 
Your Knight, I am the Duke's knight.  Iew. 
I say you're my knight, for I'm sure I paid for you  Phoe. 
Paid for you hum,— 'Sfoot a light.—  Iew. 
Now out upon the Marmoset, hast thou served me so long, and offer to bring in a Candle?  Phoe: 
Fair Room, villainous face, and worse woman, I ha' learned something by a glimpse ath Candle:  Iew. 
How happened it you came so soon, I looked not for you these two hours: yet as the sweet chance is, you came as well as a thing could come, for my husband's newly brought a-bed.  Phoe. 
And what has jove sent him?  Iew. 
He near sent him any thing since I knew him, he's a man of a bad nature to his wife, none but his Maids can thrive under him.  Phoe. 
Out upon him.  Iew. 
ay, judge whether I have a cause to be a Courtesan or no? to do as I do, an elderly fellow as he is, if he were married to a young Virgin, he were able to break her heart, though he could break nothing else: here, here, there's just a hundred and fifty, but I stole 'em so hardly from him, 'twould e'en have grieved you to have seen it.  Phoe 
So 'twould i'faith.  Iew. 
Therefore prithee my sweet pleasure, do not keep company so much, how do you think I am able to maintain you? though I be a jewellers wife, jewels are like women, they rise & fall, we must be content to lose sometimes, to gain often, but you're content always to lose, and never to gain: what need you ride with a Footman before you?  Phoe: 
Oh that's the grace,  Iewe. 
The grace? 'tis sufficient grace that you'ave a Horse to ride upon, you should think thus with yourself every time you go to bed if my head were laid, what would become of that horse? he would run a bad race then as well as his Master.  Phoe. 
Nay, and you give me money to chide me:—  jewel. 
No, if it were as much more, I would think it foul scorn to chide you, I advise you to be thrifty, to take the time now, while you have it, you shall seldom get such another fool as I am, I warrant you: why there's Mettrezza Auriola keeps her love with half the cost that I am at, her friend can go a foot like a good Husband, walk in worsted Stockings, and inquire for the Sixpenny ordinary.  Phoe. 
Pox on't, and would you have me so base?  Iew. 
No, I would not have you so base neither: but now and then, when you keep your Chamber, you might let your Footman out for eighteen pence a day, a great relief at years end I can tell you.  Ph. 
The age must needs be foul when vice reforms it.  Iew. 
Nay, I've a greater quarrel to you yet.  Phoe. 
I'faith, what be't?  Iewe. 
You made me believe at first the Prince had you in great estimation, and would not offer to Travail without you, nay, that he could not travail without your Direction and intelligence.  Phoe. 
I'm sorry I said so i'faith, but sure I was overflown when I spoke it, I could near ha' said it else.  Iew. 
Nay more, you swore to me, that you were the first that taught him to ride a great horse, and tread the Ring with agility.  Phoe. 
By my troth I must needs confess I swore a great lie in that, & I was a villain to do it, for I could near ride great horse in my life.  Iewl. 
Why lo, who would love you now but a citizens wife? so inconstant, so for sworn: you say women are false Creatures, but take away men, and they'd be honester than you— Nay last of all, which offends me most of all, you told me you could countenance me at Court, and you know we esteem a friend there, more worth than a Husband here.  Phoe. 
What I spoke of that. Lady, i'll maintain.  Iew: 
You maintain? you seen it court?  Phoe. 
Why by this Diamond—  Iew. 
Oh take heed, you cannot have that, 'tis always in the eye of my husband.  Phoe. 
I protest I will not keep it, but only use it for this virtue, as a token to fetch you, & approve my power, where you shall not only ye be received, but made known to the best and chiefest.  jewel. 
Oh are you true?  Phoe. 
Let me lose my revenue else.  Iewl. 
That's your word indeed, and upon that condition take it this kiss and my love for ever.  Phoe. 
Enough.  Iew. 
Give me thy hand, i'll lead thee forth.  Phoe. 
I'm sick of all professions, my thoughts burn:  
He travails best, that knows when to return.  Exeunt. Enter Knight, two Officers after him. Kni. 
adieu, farewell, to bed you, I to my sweet Citybird, my precious revenue, the very thought of a hundred & fifty Angels, increases Oil and Spirit, ho:  1. Off. 
I arrest you sir.  Knig. 
Oh!  1 Off. 
You have made us wait a goodly time for you, have you not think you? you are in your Rouses & Mulwines a pox on you: and have no care of poor Officers staying for you.  Kni. 
I drunk but one health I protest, but I could void it now: at whose suit I pray?  1 Off. 
At the suit of him that makes suits, your tailor,  Kni. 
Why, he made me the last, this, this that I wear  1. Off. 
Argo, nay, we have been Scholars I can tell you, we could not have been knaves so soon else, for as in that notable City called London, stand two most famous Universities, Poultry and Woodstreet, where some are of twenty years standing, and have took all their degrees from the masters side, down to the Mistress side, the Hole, so in like manner—  Knig. 
Come, come, come, I had quite forgot the hundred and fifty Angels.  2 Off. 
'Slid where be they?  Knight. 
I'll bring you to the sight of 'em presently.  1 Off. 
A notable Lad, and worthy to be arrested: we'll have but ten for waiting, and than thou shalt choose whether thou wilt run away from us, or we from thee.  Knight. 
A match at running, come, come, follow me.  2 Off. 
Nay, fear not that.  Knig. 
Peace, you may happen to see toys, but do not see 'em.  1 Off. 
Pah.  Knig. 
That's the Door.  1 Off. 
This?— knocks.  Knight. 
'sfoot Officer you have spoiled all already?  1 Off. 
Why?  Knig. 
Why? you shall see, you should have but whirled the ring once about, and there's a Maid servant brought up to understand it.  Maid. 
whose's at door?  Knig. 
all's well again: phist, 'tis I, 'tis I.  Maid. 
You, what are you?  Kni. 
Puh, where's thy mistress?  Maid. 
What of her?  Knigh. 
Tell her One, she knows who, her Pleasure's here, say.  Maid. 
Her Pleasure? my mistress scorns to be without her pleasure at this time of night: is she so void of friends think you? take that for thinking so: a Box  1 Off. 
The hundred and fifty Angels are locked up in a Box, we shall not see 'em tonight.  Knig. 
how's this? am I used like a hundred pound Gentleman? does my revenue forsake me? Damn me if ever I be her pleasure again.— Well I must to prison.  1. Off. 
Go prepare his room, there's no remedy, i'll bring him along, he's tame enough now.  Kni. 
Dare my Tailor presume to use me in this sort?  
He steals and I must lie in prison for't.  1. Off. 
Come, come away sir.  Enter a Gentleman with a Drawer. Gent. 
Art sure thou sawest him arrested Drawer?  Draw. 
If mine eyes be sober.  Gent. 
And that's a question, Mass here he goes, he shall not go to prison, I have a trick shall bail him— away.  1. Off. 
Oh!  Blinds the officer. Gent. 
Guess, guess, who am I? who am I?  1. Off. 
Who the Devil are you? let go,— a Pox on you, who are you? I have lost my prisoner.  Gentle. 
Prisoner: I've mistook, I cry you heartily mercy, I have done you infinite injury, a my troth I took you to be an honest man.  1. Off. 
Where were your eyes? could you not see I was an Officer, stop, stop, stop, stop.  Gent. 
Hah, hah, hah, ha.  Exeunt. Enter Proditor and Phoenix. Prod. 
Now Phoenix.  Phoen. 
Now my Lord.  Prod. 
Let princely blood  
Nourish our hopes, we being confusion now.  Phoen. 
A terrible sudden blow.  Prod. 
I: what day is this hangs over us?  Phoen. 
byth' Mass Monday.  Prod. 
As I could wish my purpose will thrive best.  
'twas first my birthday, now my fortune's day,  
I see whom fate will raise needs never pray.  Phoe. 
Never.  Prod. 
How is the air?  Phoe. 
Oh full of trouble.  Prod: 
does not the sky look piteously black  Phoe. 
As if 'twere hung with Rich men's Consciences.  Prod. 
Ah, Stuck not a Comet like a carbuncle  
Upon the dreadful brow of twelve last night?  Phoe. 
twelve, no 'twas about one.  Prod. 
About one most proper, for that's the Duke.  Phoe. 
Well shifted from thyself.  Prod. 
I could have wished it between one and two  
His son and him.  Phoe. 
I'll give you comfort then.  Prod, 
Prithee.  Phoe. 
There was a villainous Raven seen last night,  
Over the presence chamber in hard justle  
With a young Eglet.  Prod. 
A Raven! that was I, what did the Raven?  Phoe. 
Mary my Lord the Raven— to say truth,  
I left the combat doubtful.  Prod. 
So 'tis still,  
For all is doubt, till the deed crown the will,  
Now bless thy loins with Freedom, wealth and honour,  
Think all thy seed young Lords, and by this Act.  
Make a foot-clothed posterity: now imagine  
Thou seest thy Daughters with their trains borne up,  
Whom else despised want, may curse to whoredom,  
And public shames, which our state never threat,  
she's never lewd, that is accounted great.  Phoe. 
I'll alter that Court-Axiom, thus renewed,  
she's never great, that is accounted lewd.  Prod. 
Stand close, the presence fills, here, here the place  
And at his rising, let his fall be base,  
Beneath thy foot.  Phoe. 
How for his Guard my Lord?  Prod. 
My gold and fear keeps with the chief of them  Phoe. 
That's rarely well.  Prod. 
Bold heedless slave, that dares attempt a deed which shall in pieces rend him my Lords both.  Enter Lussurioso, and Infesto two Lords. Lus. 
The happiness of the day.  Phoe. 
Time my returning,  
Treasons have still the worst, yet still are spurning.  Prod. 
The Duke!  Phoe. 
I near was gladder to behold him.  Prod. 
All. Long live your Grace.  Duke. 
I do not like that strain,  
You know my age affords not to live long.  Prod. 
Spoke truer than you think for.  Duke. 
Bestow that wish upon the Prince our Son.  Phoe, 
Nay, he's not to live long neither.  Prod. 
Him as the wealthy Treasure of our hopes,  
You as possession of our present Comfort,  
Both in one heart, we reverence in one.  Phoe. 
Oh Treason of a good complexion.  Horn winded. Enter Fidelio. Duke. 
How now, what fresher news fills the court's ear?  Prod, 
Fidelio!  Fid. 
Glad Tidings to your Grace,  
The prince is safe returned, and in your Court.  Duke. 
Our joy breaks at our eyes, the Prince is come!  Prod. 
Soul quicking news— pale vengeance to my blood.  Fid. 
By me presenting to your serious view,  
A brief of all his Travails.  Du. 
'tis most welcome.  
It shall be Dear and precious to our Eye.  Prod. 
He Reads, i'm glad her reads.  
Now take thy opportunity, leave that place.  Phoe. 
At his first rising let his fall be base.  Prod. 
That must be altered now.  Phoe. 
Which? his rising or his fall?  rod. 
Art thou dull now?  
Thou hear'st the Prince is come.  Duke. 
What's here my Lord?  Prod. 
My Lord?  Duke. 
I have got such a large portion of knowledge, most worthy father, by the benefit of my Travail,  Prod. 
And so he has no doubt my Lord.  Duke. 
That I am bold now to warn you of Lord  
Proditors insolent Treason, who has irreligiously seduced a fellow, and closely conveyed him e'en in the presence-chair to murder you:  Phoen. 
Oh guilty, guilty.  Duke. 
What was that fell? what's he?  Phoen. 
I am the man.  Prod. 
O slave!  Phoe. 
I have no power to strike,  Prod. 
I'm gone, i'm gone.  Duke. 
Let me admire heaven's wisdom in my Son.  Phoe. 
I confess it, he hired me—  Prod. 
This is slave,  
'tis forged against mine honour and my life,  
For in what part of reason can't appear,  
The Prince being Travailed should know Treasons here  
Plain counterfeit—  Duke. 
Dost thou make false our Son?  Prod. 
I know the prince will not affirm it.  Fid. 
He can and will my Lord.  Phoe. 
Most just, he may:  Duke. 
A guard.  Luss. 
We cannot but in loyal zeal ourselves,  
Lay hands on such a Villain.—  Duke. 
Stay you, I find you here too.  Lus. 
Us my Lord?  Duke. 
Against Lussurioso and Infesto, who not only most riotously consume their houses in vicious gaming, mortgaging their livings to the Merchant, whereby he with his heirs enter upon their lands, from whence this abuse comes, that in short time the Son of the Merchant has more Lordships than the Son of the Nobleman (which else was never borne to inheritance) but that which is more impious, they most adulterously train out young Ladies to Midnight banquets, to the utter defamation of their own honours, & ridiculous abuse of their Husbands.  Lus. 
How could the Prince hear that?  Phoe. 
Most true my Lord.  
My Conscience is a witness 'gainst itself,  
For to that execution of chaste honour,  
I was both hired and led.  Lus. 
I hope the Prince out of his plenteous wisdom  
Will not give wrong to us: as for this fellow  
he's poor, and cares not to be desperate.  Enter justice Falso. Fal. 
justice my Lord, I have my Niece stolen from me  
Sh'as left her Dowry with me, but she's gone,  
I'd rather have had her love then her money I,  
This, this, is one of them, justice my Lord:  
I know him by his face, this is the Thief.  Prod. 
Your grace may now in milder sense perceive  
The wrong done to us by this impudent wretch,  
Who has his hand fixed at the throat of law,  
And therefore durst be desperate of his life,  Duk. 
Peace, you're too foul, your crime is in excess:  
One spot of him, makes not your Ulcers less.  Prod. 
Oh!  Duke 
Did your Violence force away his Niece?  Phoe. 
No my good Lord; I'll still confess what's truth.  
I did remove her from her many wrongs,  
Which she was pleased to leave, they were so wild.  Duke. 
What are you named?  Fals. 
Falso my Lord, justice Falso, i'm known by that name.  Du. 
Falso, you came fitly,  
You are the very next that follows here.  Fals. 
I hope so my Lord, my name is in all the Records  
I can assure your good grace.  Du. 
Against justice Falso.  Fals. 
Ah.  Du. 
Who having had the honest charge of his Niece committed to his trust, by the last will and Testament of her deceased father, and with her all the power of his wealth, not only against faith and conscience detains her Dowry, but against Nature and humanity assays to abuse her body.  Niece. 
I'm present to affirm it my loved Lord.  Fals. 
How? what make I here?  Niece. 
Either I must agree.  
To loathed lust, or despised beggary.  Du. 
Are you the plaintive here?  Fals. 
I my good Lord,  
For fault of a better.  Du. 
Seldom comes a worse— and moreover not contained in this vice only, which is odious too much, but against the sacred use of justice, maintains three threeues to his men.  Fals. 
Cuds me!  Du. 
Who only take Purses in their masters liberty, where if any one chance to be taken, he appears before him in a false Beard, and own of his own fellows takes his examination.  Fals. 
By my troth as true as can be, but he shall not know on't.  Du. 
And in the end will execute justice so cruelly upon him, that he will not trust him in a prison, but commit him to his fellows chamber.  Fals. 
Can a man do nothing i'the Country but 'tis told at Court? there's some busy informing knave abroad, a my life.  Phoe. 
That this is true, and these, and more my Lord.  
(Be it under pardon spoken for mine own)  
He the disease of justice, these of honour,  
And This of Loyalty and Reverence:  
The unswept venom of the Palace,  Prod. 
Slave!  Phoen. 
Behold the Prince to approve it.  Prod. 
Oh, where?  Phoe. 
Your Eyes keep with your Actions, both look wrong.  Prod. 
An infernal to my spirit.  All. 
My Lord the Prince:  Prod. 
Tread me to dust, thou in whom wonder keeps,  
Behold the Serpent on his belly creeps.  Phoen. 
Rankle not my foot, away.  
Treason, we laugh at thy vain-labouring strings,  
Above the foot thou hast no power over Kings  Duke. 
I cannot with sufficient joy receive thee,  
And yet my joy's too much,  Phoen. 
My royal Father,  
To whose unnatural murder I was hired,  
I thought it a more natural course of travail,  
And answering future expectation,  
To leave far Countries, and inquire mine own,  Duk. 
To thee let Reverence all her powers engage,  
That art in youth a miracle to age.  
State is but blindness, ethou hadst piercing Art,  
We only saw the knee; but thou the heart.  
To thee then power and Dukedom we resign,  
, he's fit to reign, whose knowledge can refine:  Phoen. 
Forbid it my obedience.  Duke. 
Our word's not vain,  
I know thee wise canst both obey and reign,  
The rest of life we dedicate to heaven.  All. 
A happy and safe reign to our new Duke.  Phoe. 
Without your prayers safer, & happier: Fidelio.  Fid. 
My royal Lord.  Phoe. 
Here take this Diamond:  
You know the virtue on't, it can fetch vice:  
Madam Castiza:  Fid: 
She attends my Lord.  Phoen. 
Place a guard near us.  
Know you you fellow Lady?  Lad. 
My honours evil.  Prod. 
Torment again?  Phoen. 
So ugly are thy crimes,  
Thine eye cannot endure 'em.  
And that thy face may stand perpetually  
Turned so from ours, and thy abhorred self,  
Neither to threaten wrack of state or credit,  
An everlasting banishment cease on thee.  Prod. 
Oh Fiend!  Phoen. 
Thy life is such it is too bad to end.  Prod. 
May thy Rule, life, and all that's in thee glad,  
Have as short time— as thy begetting had.  Exit. Phoen. 
Away, thy curse is idle, the rest are under reformation, and therefore under pardon.  All. 
Our duties shall turn edge upon our crimes.  Fals. 
'Slid I was afraid of nothing, but that for my thievery, and bawdry I should have been turned to an Innkeeper: my daughter, I am ashamed her worship should see me.  Enter jewel: with Fidelio: Iew. 
Who would not love a friend at Court? what fine Galleries and rooms am I brought through? I had thought my knight durst not have shown his face here, I.  Phoe. 
Now mother of pride, and daughter of lust, which is your friend now?  Iew. 
Ah me!  Phoe. 
I'm sure you are not so unprovided to be without a friend here, you'll pay enough for him first.  Iew. 
This is the worst room that ever I came in.  Phoen. 
I am your servant Mistress, know you not me!  Iew. 
Your worship is too great for me to know: I'm but a small timbred-woman when I'm out of my apparel, and dare not venture upon greatness.  Phoen. 
Do you deny me then? know you this purse?  Iew. 
That purse? O death has the Knight served me so? given away my Favours?  Phoe. 
Stand forth— thou one of those, for whose close lusts the plague never leaves the City.  
Thou worse than common: private, subtle harlot,  
That dost deceive Three with one feigned lip,  
Thy husband, the world's eye, and the laws whip.  
Thy zeal is hot, for 'tis to lust and fraud,  
And dost not dread to make thy book thy Bawd,  
Thou'rt curse enough to husbands ill-got gains,  
For whom the Court rejects, his gold maintains:  
How dear and rare was Freedom wont to be,  
Now few but are by their wives copies free,  
And brought to such a head that now we see,  
City and Suburbs wear one livery.  Iew. 
'tis long of those, an't like your grace, that come in upon us, & will never leave marrying of our widows till they make 'em all as free as their first husbands.  Phoen. 
I perceive you can shift a point well.  Iew. 
Let me have pardon I beseech your grace, and I'll peach 'em all, all the close women that are, and upon my knowledge there's above five thousand within the walls and the liberties.  Phoen. 
A band? they shall be sent against the Turk, Infidels against Infidels.  Iew. 
I will hereafter live so modestly, I will not lie with mine own husband, nor come near a man in the way of honesty.  Fal. 
I'll be her warrant my Lord.  Phoen. 
You are deceived, you think you're still a justice.  Fal. 
'Sfoot, worse than I was before I kneeled, I am no justice now, I know I shall be some Innkeeper at last.  Iew. 
My father! 'tis mine own father.  Phoen. 
I should have wondered else, lust being so like.  Niece 
Her birth was kin to mine, she may prove modest, for my sake I beseech you pardon her.  Phoen. 
For thy sake I'll do more, Fidelio hand her,  
My favours on you both, next all that wealth  
Which was committed to that perjured's trust.  Fal. 
I'm a beggar now, worse than an Innkeeper.  Enter Tangle mad. Tang. 
Your Mittimus shall not serve, I'll set myself free with a Deliberandum, with a Deliberandum, mark you:  Duke. 
What's he? a guard!  Phoe. 
Under your sufferance, worthy Father,  
His harm is to himself,  
One that has loved vexation so much,  
He cannot now be rid on't,  
Has been so long in suits that he's Law-mad.  Tang. 
A judgement, I crave a judgement, yea! Nunc pro tunc, Corruption alicuius, I peeped me a Raven in the face, and I thought it had been my Solister: oh the pens prick me.  Enter Quieto. Phoen. 
And here comes he (wonder for temperance:)  
Will take the cure upon him.  Quie. 
A blessing to this fair assembly.  Tang. 
Away, I'll have none on't, give me an Audita querela, or a Testificandum, or a dispatch in twelve Terms, there's a blessing, there's a blessing.  Phoen. 
You see the unbounded rage of his disease,  Quie. 
'tis the foul fiend my Lord has got within him the rest are fair to this, this breeds in Ink,  
And to that colour turns the blood possessed,  
For instance, now your grace shall see him dressed.  Tan. 
Ah hah I rejoice than he's puzzled, & muzzled too be't come to a Soepe corpus?  Quie. 
Ah, good sir, this is for want of patience.  Tang. 
That's a fool.  
She never saw the Dogs and the bears fight,  
A Country thing.  Quie. 
This is for lack of grace,  Tan. 
I've other business, not so much idle time.  Quie. 
You never say your prayers.  Tan. 
I'm, advised by my learned counsel,  Quie. 
The power of my charm come o'er thee,  
Place by degrees thy wits before thee,  
With silk en patience here I bind thee,  
Not to move till I unwind thee.  Tan. 
Yea! is my cause so muddy? do I stick, do I stick (fast?  
Advocate here's my hand, pull, art made of flint?  
Wilt not help out?— alas there's nothing in't.  Phoen. 
Oh do you sluice the vain now?  Quie. 
Yes my honoured Lord.  Phoen. 
Pray let me see the issue.  Quie. 
I therefore seek to keep it,— now burst out  
Thou filthy stream of trouble, spite and doubt.  Tan. 
Oh an extent, a Proclamation, a Summons, a recognizance, a Tachment. and Injunction, a Writ, a Seizure, a Writ of praisement, an Absolution, a Quietus est.  Qui. 
You're quieter I hope by so much Dregs.  
Behold my Lord:  Phoen. 
This, why it out frowns Ink:  Quie. 
'tis the disease's Nature, the Fiend's drink.  Tan. 
Oh sick, sick, signor Ply-fee, sick: lend me thy Nightcap, oh!  Quie. 
The balsam of a temperate brain,  
I pour into this thirsty vein,  
And with this blessed oil of quiet,  
Which is so cheap, that few men buy it,  
Thy stormy Temples I allay,  
Thou shalt give up the Devil and pray,  
Forsake his works, they're foul and black,  
And keep thee bare in purse and back.  
No more shalt thou in paper quarrel,  
To dress up Apes in good apparel.  
He throws his stock, and all his flock,  
Into a swallowing gulf,  
That sends his Goose unto his Fox,  
His Lamb unto his Wolf.  
Keep thy increase,  
And live at peace,  
For war's not equal to this battle,  
That eats but men this men and cat-tail,  
Therefore no more this combat choose:  
Where he that wins, does always lose,  
And those that gain all, with this curse receive it,  
From fools they get it, to their sons they leave it.  Tan. 
Hail sacred patience, I begin to feel  
I have a Conscience now, Truth in my words, Compassion in my heart, & above all, in my blood pieces music,  
Use me how you can,  
You shall find me an honest-quiet man.  
Oh, pardon, that I dare behold that face,  
"Now I've least law, I hope have most grace,  Phoen. 
We both admire the workman and his piece:  
Thus when all hearts are tuned to honours strings,  
There is no music to the Choir of Kings.  
FINIS.   

Prologus  
THe marks and notions extant in each spirit,  
Sealed by th'industrious hand of art & merit,  
methinks appear transparent (as the mind  
By fence were bounded and might seem confined  
In th' external eye) nor shall our tragic muse,  
(If strong hope fail not) need a coined excuse  
But to those marginal notes of yours do bring  
(In following numbers from the learned spring)  
Matter instructive to enrich their parts  
Where knowledge reigns crowned with it own deserts,  
Let such with serious and impartial hearing  
Sound sense, quick sight and judgement never erring:  
Survey and censure the Minerval frame  
Of his elaborate work: and if his name  
Merit regard, and you vouchsafe to grace him  
With eminent love, or 'mongst those laureates place him,  
That with the magic of sweet poesy,  
Transfer Parnassus into Brittany,  
He shall digest the Chaos of his brain,  
To tuneful order and acquire a strain,  
Near to the music of the heavenly spheres,  
To fit Times guard and ravish choicest ears.  
FINIS.   

Epilogus.  
FAme and Opinion like the two winged cap  
On Hermes head, do lift all Poets up:  
Some, though deserving, yet above the Sphere  
Of true impartial censure, whose tuned ear  
Listens to all and can with judgement say,  
Others sing well, though Thracian Orpheus play.  
Our Muse affects no excellence: if Fame tell  
And through her shrill trump at the Muses well  
(Where the thrice trebled bench of learning sits  
In strict examination of others wits)  
Sound ours, though humbly strains, whose infant growth  
Nor dares, nor will, with times hugged darlings quarrel,  
Nor stand the lightning with the sacred Laurel)  
We rest content: yet thus far may conceit  
Carry each labouring Artist, where the weight  
Of his oyld task is over, that his tongue  
May like a father of his tender young  
Speak natures language and not be withstood,  
When with our Muse he saith, that This is good.  
FINIS.   

This Epilogue should have been printed at the end of the book, but there was no spare place for it.