A Fair Quarrel. With new Additions of Mr. Chaughs and Trimtrams Roaring, and the bawd's Song. Never before Printed. As it was Acted before the King, by the Prince his highness Servants. Written by Thomas Midleton, and William Rowley. Gent. Printed at London for I. T. and are to be sold at Christ Church Gate. 1617. TO THE NOBLY DISposed, virtuous, and faithful-breasted Robert Grey Esquire, one of the Grooms of his highness Bedchamber, his poor Well-willer, wisheth his best wishes. Hic es Supra. Worthy Sir, 'tIs but a Play, and a Play is but a Butt, against which many shoot many Arrows of Envy, 'tis the weaker Part, and how much more noble shall it be in you to defend it, yet if it be (as some Philosophers have left behind'em) that this Megacosm, this great world, is no more than a Stage, where every one must act his part, you shall of necessity have many partakers, some long, some short, some indifferent, all some, whilst indeed the Players themselves have the least part of it, for I know few that have lands, (which are a part of the World) and therefore no grounded men, but howsoever they serve for mutes, happily they must wear good clothes for attendance, yet all have exits and must all be stripped in the Tiring-house (viz, the grave) for none must carry anything out of the stock, you see Sir, I write as I speak, & I speak as I am, & that's excuse enough for me. I did not mean to write an Epistle of praise to you, it looks so like a thing, (I know) you love not Flattery, which you exceedingly hate actively, and unpleasingly accept passively: indeed I meant to tell you your own, that is, that this child of the Muses is yours, whoever begat it, 'tis laid to your charge and (for aught I know) you must father and keep it too, if it please you, I hope you shall not be ashamed of it neither for it has been seen (though I say it) in good companies, and many have said it is a handsome pretty spoken infant, now be your own judge, at your leisure look on it, at your pleasure laugh at it, and if you be sorry it is no better you may be glad it is no bigger. Yours ever. William Rowley. A Fair Quarrel. Actus primus, Scaena prima. Enter Master Russell Solus. Russell: IT must be all my ear; there's all my love, And that pulls on the tother, had I been left In a son behind me, while I had been here He should have shifted as I did before him; Lived on the freeborn portion of his wit: But a daughter, and that an only one, oh? We cannot be too careful or, too tender, 'tis such a brittle niceness: a mere cupboard of glasses, The least shake breaks, or cracks 'em; all my aim is To cast her upon riches: that's the thing We richmen call perfection, for the world Can perfect nought without it, 'tis not neatness Either in handsome wit; or handsome outside With which one gentleman (far indebt) has courted her Which boldness he shall rue. He thinks me blind, And ignorant, I have let him play A long time, Seemed to believe his worth; which I know nothing. He may perhaps laugh at my easy confidence Which closely I requite upon his fondness. For this hour, snaps him; and before his Mistress His Saint forsooth, which he inscribes my girl, He shall be rudely taken and disgraced, The trick will prove an everlasting Scarecrow, To fright poor gallants from our rich-men's daughters, Enter the Lady Ager, with two servants. Sister? I've such a joy to make you a welcome of, Better you never tasted. Lady, Good sir spare it not, Russ. Colonels come, & your son Captain Ager; Lady. My son! — she weeps: Russ. I know your eye would be first served, That's the soul's taster still for grief, or joy, Lady. Oh if a mother's dear suit may prevail with him, From England; he shall never part again, Russ. No question he'll be ruled, and grant you that, Lady. I'll bring all my desires to that request. Exeunt Lady and her Servants. Russ. Affectionate sister, she has no daughter now It follows all the love must come to him, And he has a worth deserves it, were it dearer. Enter a friend of the Colonels, and another of Captain Ager's. Colo. Frien. I must not give way to't, Russ. What's here to question, Col. Frie. Compare young Captain Ager, with the Colonel, Cap. Fri. Young? why, do you make youth stand for an imputation: that which you now produce for his disgrace, Infers his nobleness, that being young Should have an anger more inclined to courage And moderation then the Colonel: A virtue as rare as chastity in youth. And let the cause be good; (conscience in him Which ever crowns his acts, and is indeed, valour's prosperity) he dares then as much, As ever mad him famous that you plead for; Col: Frien. Then I forbear to long. Cap: Frien. His worth for me. Russ. Here's noble youths, belike some wench has cross'em, and now they know not what to do with their blood. Enter the Colonel and Captain Agar. Colo. How now! Cap. Hold, hold, what's the incitement, Colo. So serious at your game, come, come, the quarrel, Colo. frie. Nothing good faith sir. Colo. Nothing, and you bleed, Col. fri. Bleed, where, pish, a little scratch by chance sir, Col: What need this niceness, when you know so well That I must know these things, and truly know 'em, Your daintiness makes me but more impatient, This strange concealment frets me. Col. fri. Words did pass Which I was bound to answer, as my opinion And love instructed me, and should I take in general fame, Into 'em, I think I should commit no error in't, Colo. What words sir, and of whom, Col. fri. This gentleman. paralleled Captain Ager's worth with yours, Colo. With mine. Col. fai. It was a thing I could nor listen to With any patience. Capt. What should ail you sir, There was little wrong done to your friend i''at, Colo. How? little wrong, to me, Capt. I said so, friend. And I suppose that you'll esteem it so; Colo. Comparisons? Capt. Why this? twixt friend, and friend, There is so even and level a degree It will admit of no superlative. Col: Not in terms of manhood? Russ. Nay gentlemen, Col. Good sir give me leave, in terms of manhood? What can you dispute more questionable? You are a captain sir, I give you all your due, Cap. And you are a Colonel, a title Which may include within it many captains, Yet sir, but throwing by those titular shadows, Which add x substance to the men themselves; And take them uncompounded, man and man; They may be so with fair equality, Colo. You're a boy sir, Cap. And you have a Beard sir. Virginity and marriage are both worthy, And the positive purity there are some Have made the nobler. Colo. How now? Russ. Nay good sir, Cap. I shrink not, he that goes the foremost, May be o'ertaken. Colonel Death, how am I weighed? Cap. In an even balance sir, a beard put in Gives but a small advantage: man and man And lift the scales, Colo. Patience shallbe my curse If it tide me further; Russ. How now Gallants? Believe me then, I must give aim no longer, Can words beget swords and bring 'em forth, ha? Come they are abortive propagations; Hide 'em for shame, I had thought Soldiers Had been musical; would not strike out of time, But to the consort of Drum, Trumps and Fife. 'tis madman-like to dance without music. And most unpleasing shows to the beholders, A Lydian ditty to a Doric note Friends embrace with steel hands? fie, it meets too hard, I must have those encounters here debarred, Colo. Shall I lose here what I have safe brought home Through many dangers? Capt. What's that sir? Colo. My fame, Life of the life, my reputation, Death? I am squared and measured out, my heights Depths, breadth, all my dimensions taken, Sure I have yet beyond your astrolabe A spirit unbounded; Cap. Sir, you might weigh, Russ. Tush, all this is weighing fire, vain & fruitless, The further it runs into argument The further plunged, beseech you no more on't, I have a little claim, sir, in your blood As near as the brother to your mother, If that may serve for power to move your quiet The rest I shall make up with courtesy And an uncles love. Cap. I have done sir, but Russ. But! I'll have no more shooting at these butts, Colonel we'll to pricks, when he please, Russ. You rove all still Sir, I have no motive proof to digest Your raised choler back into temperate blood, But if you'll make mine age a counsellor (As all ages have hitherto allowed it) Wisdom in men grows up as years increase, You shall make me blessed in making peace, And do your judgement right, Colo. In peace at home Grey hairs are Senators: but to determine Soldiers and their actions; Enter Fitzallen and jane. Russ. 'tis peace here sir, And see, here comes a happy Interim, Here enters now a Scene of loving arms; This couple will not quarrel so; Colo. Fri. Be advised Sir, This gentleman Fitzallen is your kinsman, You may o'erthrow his long laboured fortunes With one angry minute, 'tis a rich churl And this his sole inheritrix, blast not His hopes with this tempest, Colo. It shall calm me, All the towns conjurers and their Daemons Could not have laid my spirit so, Fitz. Worthy coz I gratulate your fair return to peace Your swift fame was at home long before you; Colo It meets (I hope) your happy fortunes here And I am glad in't, I must salute your joys, coz, With a soldiers encounter Kisses her. Fitz. Worthy Captain Ager, I hope my kinsman shortly,— Russ. You must come short indeed, Or the length of my devise will be ill shrunk, Why now it shows finely, I'll tell you, sir, Sir, nay son, I know i'th' end, 'twill be so, Fitz. I hope so, sir, Russ. Hope? nay 'tis past all hope, son, Here has been such a stormy encounter, Betwixt my cousin Captain and this brave Colonel About I know not what, nothing indeed, Competitions, degrees and comparatives Of Soldiership: but this smooth passage Of love has calmed it all, come I'll have't found, Let me see your hearts combined in your hands, And then I will believe the league is good, It shall be the grapes if we drink any blood. Colo. I have no anger sir, Capt. I have had none, My blood has not yet rose to a quarrel, Nor have you had cause, Colo. No cause of quarrel? death? if my father should tell me so: Russ. again? Fitz. Good sir, for my sake, Colo. Faith, I have done, coz, You do too hastily believe mine anger, And yet to say, null valour In a soldier is no cause of quarrel. Russ. Nay then I'll remove the cause to kill th'effect, Kinsman, I'll press you to't, if either love Or consanguinity may move you to't, I must disarm you, though year a soldier, Pray grant me your weapon, it shall be safe At your regress from my house, now I know No words can move this noble soldiers sword To a man undefenced so, we shall parley, And safely make all perfect friends again, Colo. To show my will sir, accept mine to you, As good not wear it as not dare to use it. Colo friend. Nay then sir, we will be all exampled. we'll have no Arms here now but lovers arms. Capt. friend. No seconds must begin a quarrel, Take mine sir. Russ. Why la, what a fine Sun shines here? these clouds my breath has blown into another Climate, I'll be your armourers, they are not pawned, These were the fish that I did angle for, I have caught 'em finely, now for my trick, My project's lusty, and will hit the nick. Exit with weapons. Colo. What be't a match beauty? I would now have, Alliance with my worthy Captain Ager, To knit our loves the faster; here's witness Enough if you confirm it now. jane. Sir my voice, Was long since given, since that I gave my hand, Colo. Would you had sealed too, jane. That wish comes too late, For I too soon fear my delivery: (aside.) My father's hand sticks yet sir, you may now Challenge a lawful interest in his, He took your hand from your enraged blood, And gave it freely to your opposite My cousin Ager, methinks you should claim from him, In the less quality of calmer blood, To join the hands of two divided friends, Even these two that would offer willingly Their own embrace. Capt. friend. Troth, she instructs you well Colonel: and you shall do a lovers part worth one brave act of valour. Colo. Why, I did misdoubt no scruple, is there doubt in it? Fitz. Faith sir, delays, which at the least are doubts, But here's a constant resolution fixed, Which we wish willingly he would accord to, Colo. Tush he shall do't, I will not be denied, He owes me so much in the recompense of my reconcilement, Captain Ager You will take our parts against your uncle In this quarrel? Ager. I shall do my best, sir, Two denials shall not repulse me, I love Your worthy kinsman and wish him mine, I know He doubts it not. Colo. See, he's returned. Enter Russell and a Servant. Russ. Your qu. Be sure you keep it, 'twill be spoken quickly. Therefore watch it. Colo. Let's set on him all at once. Omnes, Sir, we have a suit to you. Russ. What! all at once. Omnes. All, all, i'faith, sir. Russ. On speaker may yet deliver, say, say, I shall not dare to stand out against so many, Colo. Faith sir here's a brabbling matter hangs on demur, I make the motion for all, without a fee Pray you let it be ended this term, Russ. Ha, ha, ha. That's the rascals cue, and he has missed it. aside. What is it? what is it sir? Colo. Why sir, here's a man; And here's a woman; you're scholar good enough, Put 'am together; and tell me what it spells, Russ. Ha, ha, ha, there's his cue once again, Enter Servant. Oh he's come, humh: Seru. My master laughs, that's his cue to mischief, Col. What say you, sir Seru. Sir. Russ. Ha? what say you sir? Seru. Sir, there's a couple desire speedily to speak with you. Russ. A couple sir, of what, hounds, or horses? Seru. Men sir, gentlemen or yeomen, I know not which; But the one sure they are Russ. Hast thou no other description of them. Seru. They come with commission, they say, sir to taste of your earth: if they like it, they'll turn it into gunpowder. Russ. Oh, they are saltpeter-men, before me And they bring commission: the king's power indeed, They must have entrance, but the knaves will be bribed, There's all the hope we have in Officers, They were too dangerous in a common wealth, But that they will be very, well corrupted, necessary varlets, Seru: Shall I enter in sir? Russ. By all fair means sir. And with all speed sir give 'em very good words, To save my ground unravished, unbroke up, Mines yet a virgin earth: the worm hath not been seen, To wriggle in her chaste bowels: and I'd be loath A Gunpowder fellow should deflower her now. Colo. Our suit is yet delayed by this means sir, Russ. Alas I cannot help it, these fellows gone (As I hope I shall dispatch 'em quickly) A few Articles shall conclude your suit, Who? Mr. Fitzallen: the only man That my adoption aims at. Colo. There's good hope then. Enter two Sergeants in disguise. 1. Ser. Save you, sir, Russ. You are welcome sir for aught I know yet, 2. Ser. We come to take a view and taste of your ground, sir, Russ. I had rather feed you with better meat, Gentlemen, But do your pleasures, pray: 1. This is our pleasures, we arrest you, sir, in the king's name Fitz. Ha! at whose suit? Russ. how's that? Colo. Our weapons, good sir furnish us. jane. ay me, Russ. Stay stay, Gentlemen, let's inquire the cause, It may be but a trifle; a small debt, Shall need no rescue here. 2. Sir betwixt three Creditors: Mr. Leach, Mr. Swallow, and Mr. Bonesuck, the debts are a thousand pounds. Russ. A thousand pounds? Beshrew me a good man's substance. Colo. Good sir our weapons we'll teach these varlets to walk in their own particoloured Coats, that they may be distinguished from honest men. 1. Ser. Sir, attempt no rescue, he's our prisoner, you'll make the danger worse by violence. Colo. A plague upon your Gunpowder treason; Ye quick damned Varlets, is this your salt peter proving, Your tasting earth, would you might never feed better, Nor none of your Catchpole tribe: Our weapons good sir, we'll yet deliver him. Russ. Pardon me sir, I dare not suffer rescue here, At least not by so great an accessary As to furnish you; had you had your weapons, But to see the Ill fate on't, my fine trick i'faith, Let Beggars beware to love rich-men's Daughters, I'll teach 'em the new morris, I learned it myself of another careful Father. Fitz. May I not be bailed? 2. Ser. Yes, but not with swords, Colo. Slaves, here are sufficient men; 1. Ser. I i'th' field, But not in the City, sir, if this Gentleman Will be one, we'll easily admit the second. Russ. Who I? sir, pray pardon me, I am wronged, Very much wronged in this, I must needs speak it, Sir, you have not dealt like an honest Lover, With me nor my child, here you boast to me Of a great revenue, a large substance Wherein you would endow & state my daughter, Had I missed this, my opinion yet Thought you a frugal man, to understand, The sure wards against all necessities, Boldly to defend your wife and Family, To walk unmuffled, dreadless of these flesh-hooks, Even in the daring'st streets through all the City, But now I find you a loose Prodigal, A large unthrift, a whole thousand pound? Come from him girl, his inside is not found? Fitz. Sir I am wronged, These are malicious plots, Of some obscure enemies that I have, These debts are none of mine. Russ. I all say so, Perhaps you stand engaged for other men, If so you do, you must then call't your own, The like arrearage do I run into Should I battle you; But I have vowed against it, And I will keep my vows: that's religious. Fitz. All this is nothing so sir. Russ. Nothing so? By my faith it is sir, my vows are firm, Fitz. I neither owe these debts, Nor engaged for others. Russ. The easier is your liberty regained, These appear proofs to me, Colo. Liberty sir? I hope you'll not see him go to Prison, Russ. I do not mean to bear him company So far: but I'll see him out of my doors, Oh sir, let him go to Prison, 'tis a School To tame wild bloods, he'll be much better for't, Colo. Better for lying in Prison, Russ. In prison, Believe it many an honest man lies in prison, Else all the keepers are knaves, They told me so themselves. Col. Sir, I do now suspect you have betrayed him, And us to cause us to be weaponless, If it be so you're a blood sucking Churl, One that was born in a great frost, when charity Could not stir a finger, and you shall die In heat of a burning fever i'th' Dog. days, To begin your hell to you, I have said your grace for you, Now get you to supper as soon as you can, Pluto the Master of the house is set already, Cap. Sir you do wrong mine Uncle. Colo Pox on your Uncle, And all his kin, if my Kinsman mingle No blood with him. Capt. You're a foul mouthed fellow, Colo. Foul mouthed I will be, thouart the son of a whore, Capt. Ha! Whore! plagues and furies I'll thrust that back, Or pluck thy heart out after, son of a whore? Colo. On thy life I'll prove it, Capt. Death I am naked, Uncle, I'll give you my left hand, for my sword, To arm my right with; Oh this fire will flame me Into present ashes, Colo. Sir, give us Weapons, We ask our own, you will not rob us of them? Russ. No sir, but still restrain your furies here, At my door I'll give you them, nor, at this time My Nephews, a time will better suit you, And I must tell you sir, you have spoke sword, And 'gainst the law of arms poisoned the blades And with them wounded the reputation Of an unblemished woman: would you 'were out of my doors. Colo. Pox on your doors, and let it run all your house over, Give me my sword. Capt. We shall meet Colonel? Colo. Yes better provided, to spur thee more, I do repeat my words Son of a Whore. Exit with his friend. Capt. fr. Come sir, 'tis no worse than 'twas: You can do nothing now. Exit Capt. and his friend. Russ. No, I'll bar him now, away with that beggar, Exit. jane. Good sir, let this persuade you for two minutes stay, At this prize (I know) you can wait all day. 1. Ser. You know the Remora that stays our ship always. jane. Your ship sinks many when this hold let's go, Oh my Fitzallen what is to be done, Fitz. To be still thine is all my part to be, Whether in freedom or captivity, jane. But art thou so engaged as this pretends? Fitz By heaven, sweet jane 'tis all a hellish plot Your cruel smiling father all this while, Has candied o'er a bitter pill for me, Thinking by my remove to plant some other, And then let go his fangs. jane. Plant some other? Thou hast too firmly stamped me for thine own, Ever to be razed out, I am not currant In any other's hand; I fear too soon I shall discover it. Fitz. Let come the worst, Bind but this knot with an unloosed line, I will be still thine own.. jane. And I'll be thine. 1. Ser. My watch has gone two minutes M. Fitz It shall not be renewed, I go sir, farewell. Ia. Farewell, we both are prisoned, though not together: But here's the difference in our luckless chance. I fear mine own, wish thy deliverance. Fitz. Our hearts shall hourly visit, i'll send to thee, Exit Fitz, with Officers Then 'tis no prison where the mind is free. Enter Russell. Russ. So, let him go, now wench I bring thee joys, A fair sunshine after this angry storm: It was my policy to remove this beggar: What shall rich men wed their only daughters To two fair suits of clothes? and perhaps yet The poor tailor is unpaid; no, no my gentle, I have a lad of thousands coming in; Suppose he have more wealth than wit to guide it: Why, there's thy gains, thou keepest the keys of all Disposest all: and for generation, Man does most seldom stamp 'em from the brain, Wisemen begets fools, and fools are the fathers To many wise Children. hysteron, Proteron, A great scholar may be get an Idiot, And from the plow tail may come a great scholar: Nay, they are frequent propagations. jane. I am not well, sir. Russ. Ha? not well my girl? Thou shalt have a Physician then, The best that gold can fetch upon his foot-cloth, Thou knowest my tender pity to thee ever, Want nothing that thy wishes can instruct thee To call for, 'fore me, and thou look'st half ill indeed, But I'll bring one within a day to thee Shall rouse thee up: for he's come up already, One M. Chaugh a Cornish Gentleman: Has as much land of his own feesimple, As a Crow can fly over in half a day: And now I think on't, at the Crow at Algate His lodging is, He shall so stir thee up, Come, come, be cheered, think of thy preferment, Honour and attendance, these will bring thee health And the way to 'em is to climb by wealth. Exeunt. Actus Secundus, Scaena primae. Enter Captain Ager. Capt. The Son of a Whore? There is not such another murdering piece In all the stock of Calumny: it kills At one report two reputations, A mother's and a sons: if it were possible That souls could fight after the bodies fell, This were a quarrel for 'em; he should be one indeed That never heard of heavens joys or hell's torments To fight this out: I am too full of conscience, Knowledge and patience, to give justice to't, So careful of my Eternity, which consists Of upright actions: that unless I knew It were a truth I stood for, any Coward Might make my breast his footpace, & who lives That can assure the truth of his conception, More than a mother's carriage makes it hopeful. And is't not miserable valour then, That man should hazard all upon things doubtful Oh there's the cruelty of my foe's advantage, Could but my soul resolve my cause were just, Earth's mountain, nor seas surge should hide him from me, e'en to hell's threshold would I follow him, And see the slanderer in before I left him, But as it is it fears me, and I never Appeared too conscionably just till now: My good opinion of her life and Virtues, Bids me go on: and fain would I be ruled by't, But when my judgement tells me she's but woman, Whose frail to let in death to all mankind, My valour shrinks at that, certain she's good, There only wants but my assurance in't, And all things then were perfect how I thirst for't, Here comes the only she that could resolve, But 'tis too vild a question to demand indeed. Enter the Lady Ager. La. Son i've a suit to you. Capt. That may do well. To me good madam, you're most sure to speed in't. Be't i'my power to grant it, La. 'tis my love Makes the request, that you would never part From England more, Captain With all my heart 'tis granted, I'm sure I'm i'th' way never to part from't, La. Where left you your dear friend the Colonel? Capt Oh the dear Colonel, I should meet him soon, La. Oh fail him not then, he's a Gentleman The same and reputation of your time Is much engaged to. Capt. Yes, and you knew all mother. La. I thought I'd known so much of his fair goodness, More could not have been looked for. Capt. O yes, yes Madam. And this his last exceeded all the rest. La. For gratitude's sake let me know this, I pray thee. Capt. Then thus, and I desire your censure freely, Whether it appeared not a strange noble kindness in him. Lady. Trust me I long to hear't, Capt. You know he's hasty, That by the way. Lady. So are the best conditions Your Father was the like. Capt. I begin now To doubt me more, why am not I so too then, Blood follows blood through forty generations, And I've a slow paced wrath, a shrewd Dilemma, Lady. Well, as you were saying sir, Capt. Marry thus good madam, There was in company a foul mouthed villain, stay, stay, Who should I liken him to, that you have seen, He comes so near one that I would not match him with, Faith just a'th' colonel's pitch, he's near the worse man, Usurers have been compared to Magistrates, extortioners to Lawyers, and the like, But they all prove near the worse men for that, Lady. That's bad enough, they need not, Capt. This rude fellow, A shame to all humanity or manners, Breathes from the rottenness of his gall and malice, The foulest stain that ever man's same blemished, Part of which fell upon your honour madam, Which heightened my affliction. Lad. Mine? my honour sir? Capt. The Colonel soon enraged, (As he's all touchwood) Takes fire before me, makes the quarrel his, Appoints the Field, my wrath could not be heard His was so high pitched, so gloriously mounted, Now what's the friendly fear, that fights within me, Should his brave noble Fury undertake, A cause that were unjust in our defence, And so to lose him everlastingly, In that dark depth where all bad quarrels sink, Never to rise again, what pity 'twere, First to die here and never to die there. Lady, Why what's the quarrel, speak sir: that should raise Such fearful doubt, my honour bearing part of't: The words whate'er they were: Capt. Son of a whore. La.. Thou liest, & were my love ten thousand times more to thee, Which is as much now, as ere mothers was, So thou shouldst feel my anger. Dost thou call That quarrel doubtful; where are all my merits, Strikes him. Not one stand up to tell this man his error. Thou might'st as well bring the Sun's truth in question, As thy birth or my honour. Capt. Now blessings crown you for't, It is the joyfull'st blow that ere flesh felt. Lady. Nay stay, stay sir, thou art not left so soon, This is no question to be slighted of, And at your pleasure closed up fair again, As though you'd never touched it, no honour doubted, Is honour deeply wounded, and it rages More than a common smart, being of thy making. For thee to fear my truth, it kills my comfort, Where should fame seek for her reward, when he That is her own by the great tie of blood, Is farthest of in bounty, O poor goodness! That only payest thyself with thy own works, For nothing else looks towards thee. Tell me pray, Which of my loving cares dost thou requite With this wild thought? which of my prayers or wishes? Many thou owest me for, this seven year hast thou known me A widow, only married to my vow: That's no small witness of my faith and love To him that in life was thy honoured Father, And live I now to know that good mistrusted. Capt. No, 'tshall appear that my belief is cheerful, For never was a mother's reputation noblier defended, 'tis my joy and pride, I have a firm to bestow upon it. Lady. What's that you said sir? Capt. 'Twere too bold, and soon yet To crave forgiveness of you. I will earn it first, Dead or alive, I know I shall enjoy it. Lady. What's all this sir? Capt. My joys beyond expression: I do but think how wretched I had been, Were this another's quarrel, and not mine. Lady. Why, is it yours? Capt. Mine! Think me not so miserable, Not to be mine: then were I worse than abject, More to be loathed then vileness; or sins dunghill: Nor did I fear your goodness (faithful madam) But came with greedy joy to be confirmed in't, To give the nobler onset, then shines valour, And admiration from her fix't Sphere draws, When it comes burnished with a righteous cause, Without which I'm ten fathoms under coward, That now am ten degrees above a man, Which is but one of virtues easiest wonders. Lady. But pray stay; all this while I understood you, The Colonel was the man Capt. Yes, he's the man, The man of injury, reproach and slander, Which I must turn into his soul again. Lady. The Colonel do't, that's strange Capt. The villain did it: That's not so strange;— your blessing and your leave Lady. Come, come, you shall not go. Capt. Not go; were death Sent now to summon me to my Eternity, I'd put him off an hour: why the whole world Has not chains strong enough to bind me from't: The strongest is my Reverence to you, Which if you force upon me in this case; I must be forced to break it. Lady. Stay I say. Capt. In any thing command me but in this madam. La. Lass, I shall lose him, you'll hear me first. Capt. At my return I will. Lady. you'll never hear me more then. Capt. How? Lady. Come back I say: You may well think there's cause I call so often. Capt. Hah, cause! what cause? Lady. So much, you must not go. Capt. How? Lady. You must not go. Capt. Must not, why? Lady. I know a reason for't, Which I could wish you'd yield to, & not know If not, it must come forth. Faith, do not know, And yet obey my will. Capt. Why I desire To know no other than the cause I have, Nor should you wish it, if you take your injury For one more great, I know the world includes not. Lady. Yes, one that makes this nothing,— yet be ruled, And if you understand not, seek no further. Capt. I must, for this is nothing. Lady. Then take all, And if amongst it you receive that secret That will offend you, though you condemn me, Yet blame yourself a little, for perhaps I would have made my reputation sound Upon another's hazards with less pity; But upon yours I dare not. Capt. How? Lady. I dare not, 'T was your own seeking; this, Capt. If you mean evilly I cannot understand you, nor for all the riches This life has, would I. La. would you never might. Capt. Why, your goodness, that I joy to fight for. Lady. In that you neither right your joy nor me. Capt. What an ill Orator has virtue got here? Why, shall I dare to think it a thing possible That you were ever false? Lady. Oh fearfully! As much as you come to. Capt. Oh silence, cover me. I've felt a deadlier wound than man can give me, false? Lady. I was betrayed to a most sinful hour. By a corrupted soul I put in trust once. A Kinswoman. Capt. Where is she? let me pay her. Lady. Oh, dead long since. Capt. Nay then sh'as all her wages: False, do not say't, for honours goodness do not, You never could be so, he I called Father, Deserved you at your best, when youth & merit Could boast at highest in you, you'dade no grace, Or virtue that he matched not, no delight That you invented but he sent it crowned To your full wishing soul. Lady. That heaps my guiltiness. Cap. Oh, were you so unhappy to be false, Both to yourself and me, but to me chiefly, What a days hope is here lost, and with it The joys of a just cause. Had you but thought On such a noble quarrel, you'd ha' died Ere you'd ha' yielded, for the sins hate first, Next for the shame of this hours cowardice: Cursed be the heat that lost me such a cause, A work that I was made for. Quench my spirit, And out with honours flaming lights within thee: Be dark and dead to all respects of manhood, I never shall have use of valour more: Put off your vow for shame, why should you hoard up Such justice for a barren widowhood, That was so injurious to the faith of wedlock. Exit Lady. I should be dead, for all my life's works ended, I dare not sight a stroke now, nor engage The noble resolution of my friends, Enter two friends of Captain Ager's. That were more wild. Their here, kill me my shame, I am not for the fellowship of honour. 1. Friend. Captain, fie come sir, we have been seeking for you very late today, this was not wout to be, Your enemies i'th' field, Capt. Truth enters cheerfully. 2 Friend. Good faith sir you'ave a royal quarrel on't, Capt. Yes, in some other Country, Spain or Italy. It would be held so. 1 Friend. How, and be't not here so? Capt. 'tis not so contumeliously received In these parts, and you mark it. 1 Friend. Not in these? Why prithee what is more, or can be? Captain Yes, That ordinary Commotioner the lie Is Father of most quarrels in this Climate, And held here capital, and you go to that. 2. Fr. But sir, I hope you will not go to that, Or change your own for it, Son of a Whore, Why there's the Lie down to posterity. The lie to birth, the lie to honesty, Why would you cozen you self so, and beguile So brave a cause, Manhood's best Master piece, Do you ever hope for one so brave again. Capt. Consider then the man Colonel, Exactly worthy, absolutely noble, however spleen and rage abuses him: And 'tis not well, nor manly to pursue A man's infirmity. 1 Friend. O miracle! So hopeful, valiant and complete a Captain, Possessed with a tame devil, come out, thou spoilest The most improved young soldier of seven kingdoms, Made Captain at nineteen, which was deserved The year before, but honour comes behind still, Come out I say, this was not wont to be, That spirit never stood in need of provocation, Nor shall it now. Away sir. Capt. Urge me not. 1. F. By Manhood's reverend honour but we must. Capt. I will not fight a stroke. 1. Friend. O blasphemy To sacred valour! Capt. Lead me where you lift. 1. Friend. Pardon this traitorous slumber, clogged with evils. Give Captains rather wives then such tame devils. Exeunt. Enter Physician and jane. Ph. Nay Master, you must not be covered to me, The Patient must ope to the Physician All her dearest sorrows: Art is blinded else, And cannot show her mystical effects. jane. Can Art be so dim-sighted, learned sir? I did not think her so in capacious: You train me (as I guess) like a conjuror, One of our five Oraculous wizards, who from the help of his Examinant, By the near guess of his suspicion Appoints out the thief by the marks he tells him: Have you no skill in physiognomy? what colour (says your coat) is my disease? I am unmarried, and it cannot be yellow, If it be Maiden green, you cannot miss it. Phis. I cannot see that vacuum in your blood: But Gentlewoman, if you love yourself, Love my advise, be free and plain with me, where lies your grief? jane. Where lies my grief indeed? I cannot tell the truth where my grief lies, But my joy's imprisoned. Phis. This is mystical. Ian. Lord, what plain questions you make problems of, Your Art is such a regular high way That put you out of it, and you are lost: My heart is imprisoned in my body, sir: There's all my joy, and my sorrow too Lies very near it. Phys. They are bad adjuncts, Your joy and grief lying so near together, Can propagate no happy issue, remove The one (and let it be the worst) your grief, If you'll propose the best unto your joy. jane. why, now comes your skill: what physic for it? Phis. Now I have found you out, you are in love. jane. I think I am, what your appliance now? Can all your Paracelsian mixtures cure it, 'T must be a Surgeon of the Civil Law, I fear that must cure me. Phi. Gentlewoman, If you knew well my heart, you would not be So circular, the very common name Of Physician might reprove your niceness, we are as secret as your Confessors, And as firm obliged, 'tis a fine like death For us to blab. jane. I will trust you, yet sir, I had rather do it by Attorney to you, I else have blushes that will stop my tongue Have you no friend so friendly as yourself Of mine own Sex, to whom I might impart My sorrows to you at the second hand. Phi. why law, there I hit you, & be confirmed, I'll give you such a bosom counsellor, That your own tongue shall be sooner false to you, Make yourself unready, and be naked to her: I'll fetch her presently. Exit Physician. jane. I must reveal My shame will else take tongue, & speak before 'tis a necessity impulsive drives me: me, Oh my hard fate, but my more hard father, That Father of my fate, a father said I? What a strange Paradox I run into, I must accuse two fathers of my fate And fault, a reciprocal generation, The father of my fault would have repaired, His faulty issue, but my fate's Father hinders it: Then Fate and fault, wherever I begin, I must blame both, and yet 'twas love did sin. Enter Physician, and Anne his sister. Phy. Look you Mistress, here's your closer put in, What you please, you ever keep the key of it, jane. Let me speak private, sir. Phy. With all my heart, I will be more than mine ears length from you. jane. You hold some endeared place with this Gent. An. he's my brother forsooth, I his creature, He does command me any lawful office Either in act or counsel. jane. I must not doubt you, Your brother has protested secrecy, And strengthened me in you: I must lay ope A guilty sorrow to you: I am with child, 'tis no black Swan I show you, these spots stick Upon the face of many go for maids, I that had face enough to do the deed, Cannot want tongue to speak it: but 'tis to you, Whom I accept my helper. Anne. Mistress, 'tis locked Within a Castle that's invincible, It is too late to wish it were undone. Ia. I have scarce wish within myself so strong For understand me, 'tis not all so ill, As you may yet conceit it: this deed was done When heaven had witness to the jugal knot, Only the barren ceremony wants. Which by an adverse Father is abridged. Anne. Would my pity could help you. jane. Your counsel may. My Father yet shoots widest from my sorrow, And with a care indulgent seeing me changed From what I was, sends for your good brother To find my grief, and practise remedy: You know it, give it him, but if a fourth Be added to this counsel: I will say Ye 'are worse than you can call me at the worst. At this advantage of my reputation. Anne. I will revive a reputation, That women long has lost, i'll keep counsel. I'll only now oblige my teeth to you, And they shall bite the blabber if it offer To breathe on an offending syllable. jane. I trust you, go, whisper, here comes my Father. Enter Russell, Chawgh, and Trimtram. Russ. Sir. you are welcome, more and most welcome, All the degrees of welcome: thrice welcome sir. Chaw. Is this your daughter, sir? Russ. Mine only joy, sir. Chaw. I'll show her the Cornish hug, sir,— I have kissed you now sweet heart, and I never do any kindness to my friends, but I use to hit'em in the teeth with it presently. Trim. My name is Trimtram forsooth, look what my master does, I use to do the like. Anne. You are deceived, sir, I am not this Gentlewoman's servant, to make your courtesy equal. Chaw. You do not know me Mistress. jane. No indeed, I doubt I shall learn too soon. Chaw. My name is Chawgh, a Cornish Gentleman, my man's mine own countryman too i'faith: I warrant, you took us for some of the small Islanders. jane. I did indeed, between the Scotch and Irish. Chaw. Redshanks: I thought so by my truth, no truly, we are right Cornish Diamonds. Trim. Yes, we cut out quarrels, and break glasses, where we go, Phis. If it be hidden from her Father, yet His ignorance understands well his knowledge, For this (I guess) to be some rich coxcomb he'd put upon his daughter, An. That's plainly so. Phys. Then only she's beholding to out help For the close delivery of her burden, Else all's overthrown. An. And pray be faithful in that. sir. Phys. Tush, we Physicians are the truest Alchemists, that from the ore and dross of sin, Can new distill a Maidenhead again. Russ. How do you like her sir? Chaw. Troth I do like her sir in the way of comparison to any thing that a man would desire. I am as high as the Mount in love with her already, and that's as far as I can go by land, but I hope to go further by water with her one day. Russ. I tell you sir, she has lost some colour, By wrestling with a peevish sickness now of late. Chaw. Wrestle? nay and she love wrestling, I'll teach her a trick to overthrow any peevish sickness in London, whate'er it be. Russ. Well, she had a rich beauty though I say't, Nor is it lost: a little thing repairs it. Chaw. She shall command the best thing that I have in Middlesex, i'faith. Kuss. Well sir, talk with her, give her a relish Of your good liking to her, you shall have time And free access to finish what you now begin, jane. What means my father? my loves unjust restraint, My shame were it published, both together Could not afflict me like this odious fool: Now I see why he hated my Fitzallen. Chaw. Sweet Lady, your father says you are a wrestler, if you love that sport, I love you the better. i'faith I love it as well as I love my meat after supper, 'tis indeed meat, drink and cloth to me. jane. methinks it should tear your clothes, sir. Chaw. Not a rag i'faith: Trimtram hold my cloak,— I'll wrestle a fall with you now, I'll show you a trick that you never saw in your life. jane. Oh good sir for bear, I am no wrestler. Phy. Good sir take heed, you'll hurt the Gentlewoman. Chaw. I will not catch beneath the waste believe it, I know fair play, jane. 'tis no woman's exercise in London, sir. Chaw. I'll near believe that, the hug and the lock between man and woman, with a fair fall, is as sweet an exercise for the body, as you'll desire in a summers evening. Phy. Sir, the Gentlewoman is not well, Chaw, It may be you are a Physician, sir. Phys. 'tis so, sir. Chaw. I say then, and i'll stand to't, three ounces of wrestling with two hips, a yard of a green gown put together in the Intourne, is as good a medicine for the green sickness as ever breathed. Trim. Come sir, take your cloak again, I see here will be near a match. jane. A match? I'd rather be matched from a musket's mouth, and shot unto my death. Chaw, I'll wrestle with any man for a good supper. Trim. I marry sir, i'll take your part there, catch that catch may. Phy. Sir, she is willing to't. There at my house, She shall be private, and near to my attendance, I know you not mistrust my faithful care, I shall return her soon and perfectly. Russ, Take your charge sir, go with this gentleman (jane) But prithee look well this way, ere thou go'st, 'Tis a rich Simplicity of great Estate: A thing that will be ruled, and thou shalt rule, Consider of your sex's general aim, That domination is a woman's heaven. jane. I'll think on't sir. Russ. My daughter is retiring, sir. Chaw. I will part at Dartmouth with her, sir, Oh that thou didst but love wrestling, I would give any man three foils on that condition. Trim. There's three sorts of men that would thank you for 'em, either Cutlers, Fencers, or Players. Russ. Sir as I began, I end, wondrous welcome. Exit Russ, jane, Phys. An. Trim. What, will you go to school today? you are entered you know, and your quarterige runs on. Chaw. What? to the roaring school? pox on't, 'tis such a damnable noise, I shall never attain it neither: I do wonder they have never a Wrestling School, that were worth twenty of your fencing or dancing schools. Trim. Well, you must learn to roar here in London, you'll never proceed in the reputation of Gallantry else. Chaw. How long has Roaring been an exercise, thinkest thou Trimtram. Trim. Ever since Guns came up, the first was your roaring Meg Ch. Meg. Then 'twas a woman was the first roarer: Trim. ay, a fire of her touchhole, 'that cost many a proper man's life since that time: and then the lions they learned it from the Guns, living so near 'em, than it was heard to the Bankside, and the Bears they began to roar: then the boys got it, and so ever since there have been a company of roaring boys. Chaw. And how long will it last, thinkest thou? Trim. As long as the Water runs under London Bridge, or Watermen at Westminster stairs. Chaw. Well, I will begin to roar too, since it is in fashion, Oh Corineus, this was not in thy time, I should have heard on't by the tradition of mine Ancestors (for I'm sure there were choughs in thy days) if it had been so, when Hercules and thou wert on the olympic mount together, then was wrestling in request. Trim. ay, and that Mount is now the Mount in Cornwall. Corineus brought it thither under one of his arms, they say. Chaw. Oh Corineus my predecessor: that I had but lived in those days to see thee wrestle, on that condition I had died seven year ago. Trim. Nay, it should have been a dozen at least, i'faith, on that condition. Exeunt. Actus Tertius. Scaena Prima. Enter Captain Ager with his two friends. Capt. Well, your wills now. 1. Our Wills? our Loves, our Duties To honoured Fortitude: What wills have we But our desires to Nobleness and Merit? valour's advancement, and the sacred Rectitude Due to a valorous cause. Capt. Oh, that's not mine. 2. War has his court of justice, that's the field, Where all cases of Manhood are determined, And your case is no mean one. Capt. True, than 'twere virtuous: But mine is in extremes, foul and unjust: Well, now you'ave got me hither, you're as far To seek in your desire, as at first minute: For by the strength and honour of a vow, I will not lift a finger in this quarrel. 1. How? not in this? be not so rash a sin: Why sir, do you ever hope to fight again then Take heed on't, you must never look for that, Why the universal stock of the World's injury, Will be too poor to find a quarrel for you: Give up your right and title to desert, sir, If you fail virtue here, she needs you not: All your time after, let her take this wrong, And never presume then to serve her more: Bid farewell to the integrity of arms, And let that honourable name of Soldier Fall from you like a shivered wreath of Laurel By Thunder struck from a desertless forehead, That wears another's right by usurpation. Good Captain, do not wilfully cast away At one hour all the same your life has won: This is your native seat, here you should seek Most to preserve it, or if you will dote So much on life (poor life) which in respect Of life in honour is but death and darkness That you will prove neglectful of yourself, Which is to me too fearful to imagine, Yet for that virtuous lady's cause (your mother) Her Reputation, dear to Nobleness As grace to penitence, whose fair memory, e'en crowns fame in your issue, for that blessedness, Give not this ill place, but in spite of hell, And all her base feats, be exactly valiant, Capt. Oh— o— o 2 Why, well said, thetes fair hope in that, Another such a one. Capt. Came they in thousands? 'tis all against you. 1 Then poor friendless merit, Heaven be good to thee, thy professor leaves thee: Enter Colonel and his two friends. he's com'd, do but you draw, we'll fight it for you. Capt. I know too much to grant that. 1. O dead manhood! Had ever such a cause so faint a servant? Shame brand me if I do not suffer for him. Colo. I've heard sir, ya've been guilty of much boasting, For your brave earliness at such a meeting, Y'ave lost the glory of that way this morning: I was the first today. Captain So were you ever. In my respect sir. 1. O most base Praeludium! Capt. I never thought on Victory our Mistress With greater reverence than I have your worth, Nor ever loved her better. 1. 'slight, I could knock his brains about his heels, methinks. 2. Peace, prithee peace. Capt. Success in you has been my absolute joy, And when I have wished content, I have wished your friendship. 1. Stay, let me but run him through the tongue a little, There's lawyer's blood in't, you shall see foul geere straight 2. Come you are as mad now, as he's cowardous. Col. I came not hither sir for an Encomium. 1. No, the more Coxcomb he, that claws the head Of your vain glory with't! Col. I came provided For Storms and Tempests, and the foulest Season That ever Rage let forth, or blew in wildness From the incensed prison of man's blood. Capt. 'tis otherwise with me, I come with Mildness, Peace, constant Amity, and calm Forgiveness, The weather of a Cristian and a friend. 1, Give me a valiant Turk, though not worth ten pence, rather. Cap. Yet sir, the world will judge the injury mine. Insufferable mine, mine beyond injury, Thousands have made a less wrong reach to hell, ay, and rejoiced in his most endless vengeance, (A miserable triumph, though a just one) But when I call to memory our long friendship methinks it cannot be too great a wrong. That then I should not pardon, why should man, For a poor hasty syllable or two, (And vented only in forgetful fury) chain all the hopes and riches of his soul To the revenge of that, die, lost for ever: For he that makes his last peace with his Maker In anger, anger is his peace eternally: He must expect the same return again, Whose venture is deceitful. Must he not sir? Col. I see what I must do, fairly put up again: For here'll'll be nothing done, I perceive that, Capt. What shall be done in such a worthless business But to be sorry, and to be forgiven. You sir to bring repentance, and I pardon. Col. I bring repentance sir? Capt. If it be too much To say Repentance: Call it what you please sir: Choose your own world, I know you're sorry for't, and that's as good. Col. I sorry? by fame's honour, I am wronged: Do you seek for peace, and draw the quarrel larger? Capt. Then 'tis: I'm sorry that I thought you so. 1. A Captain, I could gnaw his title of. Capt. Nor is it any misbecoming virtue, sir, In the best manliness to repent a wrong, Which made me bold with you. 1. I could cuff his head off, 2. Nay: pish. 1. Pox on him, I could eat his buttock baked methinks. Col. So, once again take thou thy peaceful rest then, But as I put thee up: I must proclaim This Captain here, both to his friends and mine, That only came to see fair valour righted, Offers to go away. A base submissive coward; so I leave him. Capt. Oh, heaven has pitied my excessive patience, And sent me a cause: now I have a cause: A coward I was never:— Come you back sir? Col. How? Cap. You left a coward here? Col. Yes sir, with you. Cap. 'tis such base metal sir: 'twill not be taken, It must home again with you. 2. Should this be true now. 1. Impossible, coward do more than bastard? Col. I prithee mock me not, take heed you do not, For if I draw once more, I shall grow terrible, And rage will force me do what will grieve honour. Capt. Ha, ha, ha. Col. He smiles, dare it be he? what think you Gentlemen? Your judgements, shall I not be cozened in him? This cannot be the man? why he was bookish, Made an invective lately against fighting, A thing in troth that moved a little with me, Put up a fouler contumely far Then thousand cowards came to, & grew thankful Capt. Blessed remembrance in time of need? I'd lost my honour else. 2. Do you note his joy? Capt I never felt a more severe necessity. Then came thy excellent pity.-. Not yet ready? Have you such confidence in my just manhood: That you dare so long trust me, and yet tempt me Beyond the toleration of man's virtue, Why? would you be more cruel than your injury? Do you first take pride to wrong me, & then think me Not worth your fury, do not use me so: I shall deceive you then: sir, either draw, And that not slightingly, but with the care Of your best preservation; with that watchfulness, As you'd defend yourself from circular fire, Your sins rage, or her Lord, this will require it, Or you'll be too soon lost for I've an anger Has gathered mighty strength against you: mighty; Yet you shall find it honest to the last, Noble and Fair. Col. I'll venture't't once again. And if't be but as true, as it is wondrous, I shall have that I come for; Your leave Gent. 1. If he should do't indeed, & deceives all now: Stay, by this hand he offers; fights i'faith. Fights: by this light he fights sir. 2. So methinks sir. 1. An absolute Punto: heigh. 2. ! 'twas a Passado sir. 1. Why let it pass, and 'twas, I'm sure, 'twas somewhat, What's that now. 2. That's a Punto. 1. O go to then, I knew 'twas not far off: What a world's this? Is coward a more stirring meat then bastard, my Masters? Put in more eggs for shame when you get children, And make it true Court custard.— Ho? I honour thee: 'tis right and fair, and he that breathes against it, He breathes against the justice of a man, And man to cut him off: 'tis no injustice. Thanks, thanks, for this most unexpected nobleness. Cap. Truth never fails her servant, sir, nor leaves him With the days shame upon him. 1. thoust redeemed Thy worth to the same height 'twas first esteemed. Exeunt Captain and his friends. Col. 1. Friend. Alas, how is it sir: give us some hope Of your stay with us: Let your spirit be seen Above your fortune, the best fortitude Has been of Fate ill friended: Now force your Empire, And reign above your blood, spite of dejection, Reduce the Monarchy of your abler mind, Let not flesh straighten it. Col Oh, just Heaven has found me ,¹ And turned the strings of my too hasty Injuries Into my own blood, I pursued my ruin, And urged him past the patience of an Angel. Could man's revenge extend beyond man's life: This would ha' waked it, If this flame will light me But till I see my sister: 'tis a kind one. More I expect not from't, Noble deserver: Farewell most valiant, and most wronged of men, Exeunt, led by them. Do but forgive me, & I am Victor then. Enter Physician, jane, Anne, Dutch Nurse with the child. Phys. Sweet Fro, to your most indulgent care, Take this my heart's joy, I must not tell you, The value of this jewel in my bosom. Nur. Dat you may vell. sir, der can niet forstoore you. Ph. Indeed I cannot tell you, you know Nurse, These are above the quantity of prize, Where is the glory of the goodliest trees But in the fruit and branches? The old stock Must decay, and sprigs, scions such as these Must become new stocks from us to glory, In their fruitful issue, so we are made Immortal on by other. Nur. You spreke a most lieben father, and Ick fall do de best of tender Nurses to dis Infant, my pretty Frokin. Phys. I know you will be loving, here sweet friend, Give. money. here's earnest of a large sum of love and coin. To quit your tender care. jane. I have some reason too, Gives her money. To purchase your dear care unto this Infant. Nurs. You be de witness of de baptism, dat is, as you spreken: de godmother, ick vell forstoor it so. jane. Yes, I am the bad mother: If it be offence. Aside. Ann. I must be a little kind too. Gives her money. Nurs. Much thanks to you all: dis child is much beloven: and Ick sall see much care over it. Phys. Farewell good sister: Show her the way forth, I shall often visit you, kind Nurse. Nurs. You sall be velcome. Exeunt Ann and Nurse. jane. Oh sir, what a friend have I found in you? Where my poor power shall stay in the requital, yourself must from your fair condition Make up in mere acceptance of my will. Phys. Oh, pray you urge it not, we are not borne For ourselves only, self love is a sin, But in our loving donatives to others, Man's virtue best consists, love all begets, Without, all are adulterate and counterfeit. jane. Your boundless love I cannot satisfy, But with a mental memory of your virtues, Yet let me not engage your cost withal, Beseech you then take restitution Of pains and bounty which you have disbursed For your poor debtor. Phys. You will not offer it: Do not esteem my love so mercenary, To be the hire of coin? Sure, I shall think You do not hold so worthily of me As I wish to deserve. jane. Not recompense! Then you will beggar me with too much credit, If not sufficient, you preserve my name, Which I had forfeited to shame and scorn: Cover my vices with a vail of love, Defend and keep me from a father's rage, Whose love yet infinite (not knowing this) Might (knowing) turn a hate as infinite: Sure he would throw me ever from his blessings, And cast his curses on me: yes, further, Your secrecy keeps me in the state of woman: For else what husband would choose me his wife: Knowing the honour of a Bride were lost. I cannot number half the good you do me, In the concealed retention of my sin, Then make me not worse than I was before. In my ingratitude, good sir. Phys. Again. I shall repent my love (if you'll so call't) To be made such a Hackney, give me coin? I had as leave you gave me poison (Lady) For I have Art and Antidotes gainest that, I might take that, but this I will refuse. Ian. Well you then teach me how I may requite you, In some small quantity. Phys. 'T was that I looked for. Aside. Yes, I will tell you Lady a full quittance, And how you may become my creditress. jane. I beseech you do sir. Phys. Indeed I will Lady, Not in coin, Mistress, for silver though white, Yet it draws black lines: It shall not rule my palm There to mark forth his base corruption: Pay me again in the same quality That I to you tendered, that's love for love: Can you love me Lady? you have confessed My love to you. jane. Most amply. Phy. Why faith then, Pay me back that way. jane. How do you mean, sir? Phys. Tush, our meanings are better understood Than shifted to the tongue, it brings along A little blabbing blood into our cheeks, That shames us when we speak. jane. I understand you not. Phy. Fie, you do, make not yourself ignorant In what you know, you have ta'en forth the lesson That I would read to you. jane. Sure then I need not, Read it again, sir. Phy. Yes, it makes perfect, You know the way unto Achilles spear, If that hurt you, I have the cure you see. Ian. Come, you're a good man, I do perceive you: You put a trial to me, I thank you, You're my just Confessor, and believe me, I'll have no further penance for this sin, Convert a year unto a lasting ever, And call't Apollo's smile, 'twas onces then never. Phy. Pray you mistake me not, indeed I love you. jane. Indeed, what deed? Phy. The deed that you have done. jane. I cannot believe you. Phy. Believe the deed then. jane. Away, you're a Blackamoor, you love me? I hate you for your love: Are you the man That in your painted outside seemed so white? Oh, you're a soul dissembling Hypocrite, You saved me from a thief that yourself might rob me, Skinned o'er a green wound to breed an ulcer. Is this the practice of your Physic College? Phys. Have you yet uttered all your niceness forth? If you have more, vent it, certes I think Your first grant was not yielded with less pain, If 'twere, you have your prize, yield it again. jane. Pray you, tell me sir, (I asked it before) Is it a practice 'mongst you Physicians. Phy. Tush, that's a secret, We cast all waters. Should I reveal, you would mistrust my counsel: The Lawyer and Physician here agrees To women Clients they give back their fees, And is not that kindness? jane. This for thy love, Spits, Out, outside of a man: thou cinnamon tree, That but thy bark hast nothing good about thee The Unicorn is hunted for his horn, The rest is left for carrion: Thou false man. thou'st fished with silver hooks and golden baits: But I'll avoid all thy deceiving sleights. Phys. Do what you lift, I will do something too: Remember yet what I have done for you, Y'ave a good face now, but 'twill grow rugged. Ere you grow old: old men will despise you: Think on your Grandam Helen the fairest Queen When in a new glass she spied her old face: She (smiling) wept to think upon the change, Take your time, you're crazed, you're an apple fallen From the tree, if you be kept long, you'll rot. Study your answer well, yet I love you. If you refuse I have a hand above. Exit Phys. jane. Poison thyself, thou soul Empoisoner: Of thine own practic drink the Theory. What, a White Devil have I met withal? What shall I do? What do? is't a question? Nor shame, nor hate, nor fear, nor lust, nor force (Now being too bad) shall ever make me worse, Enter Anne. What have we here? a second spirit. Anne. Mistress, I am sent to you. jane. Is your message good? Anne. As you receive it, my brother sent me, And you know he loves you. jane, I heard say so; But 'twas a false report. Anne. Pray, pardon me, I must do my message, Who lives (commanded) must obey his Keeper. I must persuade you to this act of woman. jane. Woman! of Strumpet Anne. Indeed of Strumpet, He takes you at advantage of your fall, Seeing you down before. jane. Curse on his feigned smiles. An. he's my brother Mistress, & a curse on you If ere you bless him with that cursed deed, Hang him, poison him, he held out a Rose, To draw the yielding sense, which come to hand He shifts, and gives a canker. jane. You speak well yet. Ann. ay, but Mistress, now I consider it, Your reputation lies at his mercy, Your fault dwells in his breast, say, he throw it out, It will be known, how are you then undone? Think on't, your good name, and they are not to be sold, In every market, a good name's dear, And indeed more esteemed than our actions, By which we should deserve it. jane. ay me most wretched. Anne. What? do you shrink at that? Would you not wear one spot upon your face, To keep your whole body from a leprosy, Though it were undiscovered ever, hang him, Fear him not. Horseleeches suck out his corrupt blood, Draw you none from him, less it be pure and good. jane. Do you speak your soul? Anne. By my soul do I. jane. Then yet I have a friend; but thus exhort me, And I have still a column to support me. Anne. One fault Heaven soon forgives, and 'tis on earth forgot, The Moon herself is not without one spot. Exeunt. Enter the Lady Ager, meeting one of her servants. Lady. Now sir, where is he? speak, why comes he not? I sent you for him; bless this fellows senses: What has he seen? a soul nine hours entranced, Hovering twixt hell and heaven, could not wake ghastlier, Enter Servant. Not yet return an answer? What say you sir? Where is he? 2. Ser. Gone? Lady. What sayst thou? 2. Ser. He is gone madam. But as we heard, unwillingly he went As ever blood enforced. La. Went, whether went he? 2 Ser. Madam, I fear, I ha' said too much already. La. These men are both agreed, speak, whether went he? 2. Se. Why to— I would you'd think the rest yourself madam. Lady. Meek Patience bless me. 2. Ser. To the field. 1. Ser. To fight, madam. Lady. To fight! 1. Ser. There came two urging Gentlemen, That called themselves his seconds, both so powerful, As 'tis reported they prevailed with him, With little labour. La. O he's lost, he's gone, For all my pains, he's gone; two meeting torrents Are not so merciless as their two rages, He never comes again,— wretched affection. Have I belied my faith? injured my goodness? slandered my honour for his preservation? Having but only him: and yet no happier. 'tis then a judgement plain, truths angry with me, In that I would abuse her sacred whiteness, For any worldly temporal respect: Forgive me then thou glorious woman's virtue, Admired where ere thy habitation is, Especially in us weak ones: Oh forgive me. For 'tis thy vengeance this, to bely truth, Which is so hardly ours, with such pain purchased Fastings, and prayers, continence and care, Misery must needs ensue: Let him not die In that unchaste belief of his false birth, And my disgrace: whatever Angel guides him, May this request be with my tears obtained, Let his soul know, my honour is unstained, Run, seek, away, if there be any hope, Exeunt Seru. Let me not lose him yet; when I think on him, His dearness, and his worth, it earns me more, They that know riches tremble to be poor. My passion is not every woman's sorrow, She must be truly honest feels my grief, And only known to One, if such there be, They know the sorrow that oppresseth me. Exit. Actus quartus, Scaena prima. Enter the Colonels Second.. Usher etc. with Chaugh and Trim. Second. Truth sir, I must needs blame you for a truant, having but one lesson read to you and neglect so soon: fie, I must see you once a day at least. Chaugh. Would I were whipped Tutor if it were not long of my man Trimtram here. Trim. Who, of me? Cha. take't upon the Trim. I'll give the five shillings, 'as I am a Gentleman. Trim. I'll see you whipped first: well, I will too; faith sir, I saw he was not perfect, and I was loath he should come before to shame himself. Sec. How? shame sir? is it a shame for Scholars to learn? Sir, there are great Scholars that are but slenderly read in our profession: sir, first it must be Economical, the Ecumenical: shame not to practise in the house how to perform in the field: the nail that is driven takes a little hold at the first stroke, but more at the second, and more at the third, but when 'tis home to the head, then 'tis firm. Chau. Faith I have been driving it home to the head this two days. Trim. I helped to hammer it in as well as I could too sir. Sec. Well sir, I will hear you rehearse anon, mean time peruse the exemplary of my bills, and tell me in what language I shall roar a Lecture to you; or i'll read to you the Mathematical science of Roaring. Cha. Is it Mathematical? Sec. Oh sir, does not the winds roar? the Sea roar? the Welkin roar? indeed, most things do roar by nature, and is not the knowledge of these things Mathematical? Cha. Pray proceed sir. reads his bill Sec. The names of the languages, the Sclanonian, Parthamenian, Barmeothian, Tiburnian, Wappinganian, or the modern Londonian. Any man or woman that is desirous to roar in any of these languages, in a week they shall be perfect, if they will take pains; so let'em repair into Holborn to the sign of the Cheat loaf. Chau. Now your bill speaks of that, I was wondering a good while at your sign, the loaf looks very like bread i'faith, but why is it called the cheat loaf? Second. This house was sometimes a baker's sir, that served the Court where the bread is called cheat. Trim. ay, ay, 'twas a Baker that cheated the Court with bread. Sec. Well sir, choose your languages: and your Lectures shall be read, between my Usher and myself, for your better instruction, provided your conditions be performed in the premises beforesaid. Chau. Look you sir, there's twenty pound in hand, and twenty more, I am to pay when I am allowed a sufficient Roarer. Sec. You speak in good earnest sir. Chau. Yes faith do I Trimtram shall be my witness. Trim. Yes indeed sir, twenty pound is very good earnest. Vsher. Sir one thing I must tell you belongs to my place, you are the youngest Scholar, and till another comes under you, there is a certain garnish belongs to the School, for in our practice we grow to a quarrel: then there must be wine ready to make all friends, for that's the end of Roaring, 'tis valiant but harmless, and this charge is yours. Chau. With all my heart i'faith and I like it the better: because no blood comes on it, who shall fetch? 2. Roar. I'll be your Spaniel sir. Sec. Bid Vapour, bring some Tobacco too, Chau. Do and here's money for't. Exit 2. Roarer. Vsher. No, you shall not, let me see the money: so, I'll keep it, and discharge him after the Combat, for your practice' sake you and your man shall roar him out on't, (for indeed you must pay your debts so: for that's one of the main ends of Roaring) and when you have left him in a chafe, then I'll qualify the Rascal. Chau. Content i'faith Trim. we'll Roar the rusty Rascal out of his Tobacco. Trim. I and he had the best Craccus in London. Sec. Observe Sir, we could now roar in the Slavonian Language, but this practice hath been a little sublime: some hairs breadth or so above your Caput; I take it for your use and understanding both it were fitter for you to taste the modern assault, only the Londonian Roar. Chau. i'faith sir, that's for my purpose, for I shall use all my roaring here in London: in Cornwall we are all for wrestling, and I do not mean to travel over sea to roar there. Sec. Observe then sir, but it were necessary you took forth your tables, to note the most difficult points for the better assistance of your memory. Chau. Nay sir, my man and I keep two Tables. Trim. ay sir, and as many trenchers, cats meat and dogs meat enough. Sec. Note sir,— Dost thou confront my Cyclops? Vsh. With a Briarean Brousted: Chau. Cyclops. Trim. Briarean. Sec. I know thee and thy lineal pedigree, Vsher. It is Collateral: as Brutus and Posthumus. Trim. Brutus. Chau. Posthumus. Sec. False as the face of Hecate; thy sister is a— Vsh. What is my Sister Centaur? Seco. I say thy Sister is a Bronstrops. Usher A Bronstrops! Chau. Tutor, Tutor, ere you go any further, tell me the English of that, what is a Bronsterops pray. Se. A Bronsterops is in English a Hippocrene. Chau. A Hippocrene, note it Trim. I love to understand the English as I go. Trim. What's the English of Hippocrene. Chau. Why Bronsterops? Usher Thou dost obtrect my flesh and blood, Sec. Again, I denounce, thy sister is a fructifer, Chau. What's that Tutor? Sec. That is in English a Fucus or a Minotaur. Chau. A Minotaur: Chau. A Fucus. Vsh. I say thy mother is a callet, a Panagron, a Duplar and a syndicus. Sec. Dislocate thy Bladud. Vsh. Bladud shall conjure, if his Daemons once appear, Enter 2. Roarer with Wine, and Vapour with Tobacco. Sec. Advance thy respondency. Chau. Nay good gentleman, do not fall out, a cup of wine quickly Trimtram. Usher See my steel hath a glister, Chau. Pray wipe him, and put him up again good Usher. Vsh. Sir at your request I pull down the Flag of defiance. Sec. Give me a bowl of Wine my fury shall be quenched, here Usher. Vsh. I pledge thee in good friendship. Chau. I like the conclusion of Roaring very well i'faith. Trim. It has an excellent conclusion indeed, if the Wine be good, always provided. Seco. O the wine must be always provided be sure of that. Vsh. Else you spoil the conclusion, and that you know crowns all. Chau. 'tis much like wrestling i'faith: for we shake hands ere we begin: now that's to avoid the Law, for then if he throw him a furlong into the ground, he cannot recover himself upon him, because 'twas done in cold friendship. Seco. I believe you sir. Chau. And then we drink afterwards, just in this fashion, wrestling and Roaring are as like as can be i'faith, even like long sword and half pike. Sec. Nay they are reciprocal if you mark it, for as there is a great Roaring at Wrestling: so there is a kind of wrestling and contention at Roaring. Chau. True i'faith, for I have heard 'em roar from the six windmills to Islington: those have been great falls then. Ser. Come, now a brief rehearsal of your other days lesson, betwixt your man and you, and then for today we break up school. Chau. Come, Trimtram; if I be our Tutor, I'll be bold to look in my tables, because I doubt I am scarce perfect. Ser. Well, well, I will not see small faults Chau. The wall, Trim. The wall of me, to thy kennel spaniel, Chau. Wilt thou not yield precedency? Trim. To thee, I know thee and thy brood Chau. know'st thou my brood, I know thy brood to, thou art a Rook; Trim. The nearer a kin to the choughs? Chau. The Rooks a kin to the choughs? Ser. Very well maintained, Chau. Dungcoer, thou liest, Trim. Lie, enucleate the kernel of thy scabbard, Chau. Now if I durst draw my sword, 'twere valiant i'faith: Seco. Draw, draw, howsoever, Chau. Have some wine ready to make us friends I pray you, Trim. Chaugh, I will make thee fly and roar, Chau. I will roar if thou strik'st me, Seco. So 'tis enough now conclude in wine, I see you will prove an excellent practitioner: wondrous well performed on both sides: Chau. Here Trimtram I drink to thee, Trim. I'll pledge in good friendship, Enter a Servant. Is there not one Master Chaugh here, Vsh. This is the Gentleman sir; Seru. My master, sir, your elected father in law, desires speedily to speak with you: Chau. Friend I will follow thee, I would thou hadst come a little sooner, thou shouldest have seen Roaring sport i'faith, Seru. Sir I'll return that you are following, Exit servant Chau. Do so: I'll tell thee Tutor, I am to marry shortly, but I will defer it a while till I can roar perfectly, that I may get the upper hand of my wife on the wedding day, 'tmust be done at first or never. Sec. 'T will serve you to good use in that sir. Cha. How lik'st thou this Whister? Vap. very valiantly i'faith sir, Cha. Tush, thou shalt see more by and by. Va. I can stay no longer indeed sir, who pays me for my tobacco? Cha. How, pay for Tobacco, away ye sooty mouthed piper: you rusty piece of Martlemas bacon, away. Trim. Let me give him a Mark for't. Chau. No Trimtram, do not strike him, we'll only roar out a curse upon him. Trim. Well, do you begin then, Chau. May thy Roll rot, and thy pudding drop in pieces, being sophisticated with filthy urine. Trim. May sergeant dwell on either side of thee, to fright away thy two penny customers. Cha. And for thy penny ones, let them suck thee dry. Trim. When thou art dead, mayst thou have no other sheets to be buried in but mouldy Tobacco leaves. Cha. And no strawings to stick thy Carcase, but the bitter stalks. Trim. Thy mourners, all greasy Tapsters, Cha. With foul Tobacco pipes in their hats in stead of rotten Rose marry: and last of all may my man and I live to see all this performed and, to piss reeking even upon thy grave Trim. And last of all for me, let this Epitaph be remembered over thee. Here coldly now within is laid to rot, A man that yesterday was piping hot: Some sap he died by pudding, some by prick, Others by role and ball some lease, all stick Fast in censure, yet think it strange and rare, (He lived by smoke, yet died for want of air) But then the Surgeon said when he beheld him, It was the burning of his Pipe that killed him. Chau. So, are you paid now whistler? Vap. All this is but smoke out of a stinking Pipe, Chau. So, so, pay him now Usher. Sec. Do not henceforth neglect your schooling M. Chaugh. Cha. Call me Rook if I do Tutor. Trim. And me Raven, though my name be Trimtram. Cha. Farewell Tutor. Trim. Farewell Usher. Sec. Thus when the Drum's unbraced, and Trumpet cease, Soldiers must get pay for to live in peace. Exeunt Enter the colonel's Sister, meeting the Surgeon. Sist. Oh my most worthy brother, thy hard fate 'twas: Come hither honest Surgeon, and deal faithfully With a distressed Virgin: what hope is there? Surg. Hope, Chillis was scaped miraculously Lady. Sist. What's that sir. Surg Cava vena: I care but little for his wound i'th' Orsophag, not thus much trust me, but when they come to Diaphragma once, the small Intestines, or the spinal Medull, or i'th' Roots of the Emunctories of the noble parts, then straight I fear a syncope; the flanks retiring towards the back, the Urine bloody, the Excrements purulent, and the Dolour pricking or pungent. Sist. Alas I'm near the better for this answer. Surg. Now I must tell you his principal Dolour lies i'th' region of the Liver, and there's both inflammation and tumefaction feared, marry I made him a Quadrangular plumation, where I used Sanguis Draconis; by my faith, with powders incarnative, which I tempered with oil of Hypericon, and other liquours mundificative. Sist. Pox a your Mundies figatives, I would they were all fired, Surg. But I purpose Lady to make another experiment at next dressing with a sarcotic medicament, made of Iris of Florence. Thus Mastic, Calaphena, Apopanax, Sacrocolla: Sist. Sacro-halter, what comfort is in'is to a poor Gentlewoman; pray tell me in plain terms what you think of him? Sur. Marry in plain terms I know not what to say to him, the wound I can assure you inclines to paralysm; and I find his body cacochymic: being then in fear of Fever and inflammation, I nourish him altogether with Viands refrigerative and give for potion the juice of Savicola, dissolved with water Cerefolium: I could do no more Lady, if his best Guiguimos were dissevered. Exit. Sist. What thankless pains does the tongue often take, To make the whole man most ridiculous: I come to him for comfort, and he tires me Worse than my sorrow, what a precious good May be delivered sweetly in few words: And what a mount of nothing has he cast forth. Alas his strength decay: how cheer you sir, My honoured Brother? Colo. In soul never better. I feel an excellent health there, such a stoutness, My invisible enemy flies me, seeing me armed With penitence and forgiveness, they fall backward, Whether through admiration, not imagining There were such armoury in a soldiers soul, As pardon and repentance: or through power Of ghostly valour? but I have been Lord Of a more happy conquest in nine hours now, Then in nine years before: Oh kind Lieutenants This is the only war we should provide for, Where he that forgives largest & sighs strongest, Is a tried Soldier, a true man in deed, And wins the best field, makes his own heart bleed. Read the last part of that Will sir. 1 Lieutenant reads. I also require at the hands of my most beloved Sister, whom I make full Executrix, the disposure of my body in burial at S. Martin's i'th' field: and to cause to be distributed to the poor of the same parish, forty Mark, and to the Hospital of maimed Soldiers a hundred: lastly I give and bequeath to my kind, dear, and virtuous sister, the full possession of my present estate in riches, whether it be in Lands, Leases, Money, Goods, Plate, jewels, or what kind soever, upon this condition following, that she forthwith, tender both herself and all these Infeoffments, to that noble Captain my late Enemy Captain Ager. Sist. How sir? Colo. Read it again sir, let her hear it plain. Sist. Pray spare your pains sir, 'tis too plain already. Good sir, how do you, is your memory perfect? This Will makes question of you: I bestowed So much grief and compassion a your wound, I never looked into your senses Epilepsy: The sickness and infirmity of your judgement Is to be doubted now, more than your bodies, Why is your love no dearer to me sir, Then to dispose me so upon the man, Whose fury is your Body's present torment? The Author of your danger: one I hate Beyond the bounds of malice, do you not feel His wrath upon you? I beseech you sir, Alter that cruel article. Colo. Cruel sister? (forgive me natural love) I must offend thee, speaking to this woman, am I content, Having much kindred, yet to give thee all, (Because in thee I'd raise my means to goodness) And canst thou prove so thankless to my bounty, To grudge my soul her peace? is my intent To leave her rich, whose only desire is To send me poorer into the next world, Then ever Usurer went, or politic Statist? Is it so burdensome for thee to love Where I forgive? Oh wretched is the man That builds the last hopes of his saving comforts Upon a woman's charity? he's most miserable, If it were possible, her obstinate will Will pull him down in his midway to heaven, I've wronged that worthy man past recompense, And in my anger robbed him of fair fame: And thou the fairest restitution art My life could yield him: if I knew a fairer, I'd set thee by and thy unwilling goodness, And never make my sacred peace of thee: But there's the cruelty of a fate debarred, Thou art the last, and all, and thou art hard. Sist. Let your grieved heart hold better thoughts of me, I will not prove so sir, but since you enforce it, With such a strength of passion I'll perform, What by your will you have enjoined me to, Though the world never show me joy again. Colo. Oh this may be fair cunning for the time, To put me off, knowing I hold not long, And when I look to have my joys accomplished, I shall find no such things: that were wild cozenage, And not to be repented. Sist. By all the blessedness, Truth and a good life looks for, I will do't sir, Colo. Comforts reward you for't, when ere you grieve, I know if you dare swear I may believe. Exeunt Euter Captain Ager. Cap. No sooner have I entrance in'is house now, But all my joy falls from me, which was wont To be the sanctuary of my comforts: methought I loved it with a reverent gladness, As holy men do consecrated Temples For the saint's sake, which I believed my mother, But proved a false faith since, a fearful heresy, O who'd erect th'assurance of his joys Upon a woman's goodness? whose best virtue, Is to commit unseen, and highest secrecy, To hide but her own sin, there's their perfection, And if she be so good, which many fail of to, When these are bad, how wondrous Ill are they, What comfort is't to fight, win this days fame, When all my after days, are lamps of shame, Enter the Lady Ager. Blessings be firm to me, he's come 'tis he, A surgeon speedily; Cap. A surgeon? why madam, Lady. Perhaps you'll say 'tis but a little wound Good to prevent a Danger: quick, a surgeon, Cap. Why madam, Lady. ay, ay, that's all the faust of valiant men, they'll not be known a their hurts till they're past help, And then to late they wish for't: Cap. Will you hear me. La. 'tis no disparagement to 'confess a wound, I'm glad sir 'tis no worse, a surgeon quickly, Capt. Madam, Lady. Come, come sir, a wound's Honourable, And never shames the wearer, Cap. By the justice I owe to honour, I came of untouched, Lady. I'd rather believe that; Cap. You believe truth so, Lady. My tears prevail then, welcome, welcome sir, As peace and mercy to one new departed, Why would you go though, and deceive me so, When my abundant love took all the course That might be to prevent it, I did that, For my affection's sake, goodness forgive me for't, That were my own life's safety put upon't, I'd rather die than do't, think how you used me then, 'And yet would you go, and hazard yourself too, 'twas but unkindly done. Capt. What's all this madam? Lady. See then how rash you were and short in wisdom, Why wrong my faith I did, slandered my constancy, Belied my truth, that which few Mother's will, Or fewer can, I did, out of true fear And loving care, only to keep thee here. Capt. I doubt I am too quick of apprehension, now And that's a general fault, when we here joyfully, With the desire of longing for't, I ask it: Why? were you never false, Lady. May death come to me, Before Repentance then? Capt. I heard it plain sure, Not false at all? Lady. By the reward of truth, I never knew that deed That claims the name on't. Capt. May then that glorious reward you swore by, Be never failing to you, all the blessings That you have given me since obedient custom Taught me to kneel & ask 'em, are not valuable With this immaculate blessing of your truth: This is the Palm to victory. The Crown for all deserts past, and to come, Let 'em be numberless, they are rewarded, Already they're rewarded: bless this frame I feel it much too weak to bear the joy on't. Lady. Rise Sir, Capt. O pardon me— I cannot honour you too much, too long, I kneel not only to a Mother now, But to a woman that was never false, Year dear, and year good too: I think a that, What reverence does she merit 'tis fit such Should be distinguished from the prostrate sex, And what distinction properer can be shown, Then honour done to her that keeps her own, Lady. Come sir, I'll have you rise, Capt. To do a deed then, rises. That shall for ever raise me: O my glory, Why this, this is the quarrel that I looked for, The other but a shift to hold time play, You sacred ministers of preservation, For heavens sake send him life, And with it mighty health, and such a strength, May equal but the cause, I wish no foul things, If life but glow in him he shall know instantly That I'm resolved to call him to account for't. Lady. Why hark you sir, Cap. I bind you by your honour, madam, You speak no hindrance to't, Take heed, you ought not Lady. What an unhappiness have I in goodness, 'Tis ever my desire to intend well But have no fortunate way in't, for all this deserve I yet no better of you: but to be grieved again? Are you not well with honest gain of fame, With safety purchased, will you needs tempt a ruin, That avoids you? Exit Lady. Capt. No you'ave prevailed: things of this nature sprung, When they use action must use little tongue. Now sir, the news? Enter a Servant. Ser. Sir there's a gentlewoman, Desires some conference with you. Capt. How, with me? A Gentlewoman? what is she? Seru. Her attendant Delivered her to be the colonel's Sister. Capt. Oh for a storm then, 'las poor virtuous Gentlewoman, I will endure her violence with much pity, She comes to ease her heart good noble soul, 'tis e'en a charity to release the burden, Were, not that remedy ordained for women, Their hearts would never hold three years together, And here she comes, I never marked so much of her, Enter the colonel's Sister. That face can be the mistress of no anger But I might very well endure a month methinks, I am the man speak Lady, I'll stand fair. Sist. And I'm enjoined by vow to fall thus low, She kneels. And from the dying hand of a repentant Offer for expiation of wrongs done you, myself, and with myself all that was his, Which upon that condition was made mine, Being his soul's wish to depart absolute man, In life a soldier death a Christian. Capt. Oh Heaven has touched him nobly, how it shames My virtues slow perfection: rise dear brightness, I forget manners too, up matchless sweetness, Sist. I must not sir, there is not in my vow That liberty, I must be received first, Or all denied, if either, I am free, Cap. He must be without soul should deny thee, And with that reverence I receive the gift, As it was sent me, worthy Colonel, Has such a conquering way i'th' blessed things, whoever overcomes, he only wins. Exit. Hem, within. Enter Captain Albo, a bawd and a Whore. Bau. Hark of these hard-hearted Bloodhounds: these Butchers are e'en as merciless as their Dogs, they knock down a Woman's fame, e'en as it walks the Streets by 'em. Whor. And the Captain here that should defend us, walks by like john of the Apple fit. Capt. What for interjections Prisse? Hem, Euax, Vah: let the carnifexes scour their throats: thou knowest there is a curse hangs over their bloody heads, this year there shall be more Butchers Pricks burnt then of all trades beside. Bau. I do wonder how thou camest to be a Captain. Cap. As thou camest to be a bawd Meg, and Prisse to be a whore, every one by their deserts. Bau. bawd, and Whore? out you unprofitable rascal, hast not thou been at the new Play yet, to teach thee better manners: truly they say they are the finest Players, and good speakers of Gentlewomen of our quality; bawd and Whore is not mentioned amongst 'em, but the handsomest narrow-mouthed names they have for us, that some of them may serve as well for a Lady, as for one of our occupation. Who. Prithee Patroness, let's go see a piece of that Play: if we shall have good words for our money, 'tis as much as we can deserve i'faith. Bau. I doubt 'tis too late now, but another time Servant. Cap. Let's go now sweet face I am acquainted with one of the Pantomimics, the Bulchins will use the Irish Captain with respect, and you two shall be boxed amongst the better sort. Who. Sirrah Captain Albo, I doubt you are but white-livered, look that you defend us valiantly, you know your penance else: Patroness, you remember how you used him once? Bau. I servant, and I shall never forget it, till I use him so again: do you remember Captain? Cap. Mum Meg, I will not hear on't now. Bau. How I and my Amazons stripped you as naked as an Indian. Cap. Why Meg? Bau. And then how I bound you to the good behaviour, in the open fields. Who. And than you strewed oats upon his hoppers. Cap. Prithee sweet face. Who. And then brought your Ducks to nibble upon, him you remember? Cap. Oh, the remembrance tortures me again, no more good sweet face. Bau. Well, lead on Sir: but hark a little. Enter Chaugh and Trim. Chau. Didst thou bargain for the bladders with the Butcher Trim? Trim. ay sir, I have 'em here, I'll practise to swim too sir, and then I may roar with the water at London bridge, he that roars by land and by water both, is the the perfect Roarer. Chau. Well I'll venture to swim too: if my father in Law gives me a good dowry with his daughter, I shall hold up my head well enough. Trim. Peace, sir, here's practice for our roaring, here's a Centaur, and two Hippocrenes. Chau. Offer the justle Trim. justle: Cap. Ha? What meanest thou by that? Trim. I mean to confront thee, Cyclops. Chau. I'll tell thee what a means, is this thy Sister? Cap. How then sir? Chau. Why then I say she is a Bronsterops: and this is a Fucus. Who. No indeed sir, we are both fucuses. Cap. Art thou military? art thou a Soldier? Chau. A Soldier, no I scorn to be so poor, I am a Roarer. Cap. A Roarer? Trim. ay sir, two Roarers. Ca. Know then my fresh water friends, that I am a Captain. Chau. What, and have but two to serve under you? Cap. I am now retiring the field. Trim. You may see that by his Bag and Baggage. Chau. Deliver up thy Panagron to me. Trim. And give me thy syndicus. Cap. Deliver? Bau. I pray you Captain be contented, the Gentlemen seem to give us very good words. Chau. Good words? I if you could understand 'em, the words cost twenty pound. Bau. What is your pleasure Gentlemen? Chau. I would enucleate my Fructifer. Who. What says he Patroness? Bau. He would inoculate: I understand the Gentleman very pithily. Cap. Speak, are you Gentile or plebeian, can you give Arms? Chau. arms? I sir, you shall feel our arms presently. Trim. salt you the Women, I'll pepper him till he stinks again: I perceive what Countryman he is, let me alone with him. Cap. Dar'st thou charge a Captain? Trim. Yes, and discharge upon him too. Cap. Foh, 'tis poison to my Country, the slave has eaten pippins: Oh shoot no more, turn both thy Broadsides rather than thy Poop: 'tis foul play: my Country breeds no poison: I yield, the great O Tool shall yield on these conditions. Chau. I have given one of 'em a fair fall Trim. Trim. Then thus far we bring home Conquest: follow me Captain, the Cyclops doth command. Chau. Follow me Tweaks, the Centaur doth command. Bau. Any thing sweet Gentlemen, wilt please you to lead to the Tavern, where we'll make all friends. Trim. Why now you come to the conclusion. Chau. Stay, Trim; I have heard your Tweaks are like your Mere maids, they have sweet voices to entice the passengers: let's have a Song, and then we'll set 'em at liberty. Trim. In the commendation of Roaring, not else Sir, Chau. ay, in the commendation of Roaring, Bau. The best we can Gentlemen. Sing Baud. THen here thou shalt resign Both Captain and Commander, That name was never thine, But Apple-Squire and Pander. And henceforth will we grant, In pillage or in moneys, In clothing or provant, whate'er we get by coneys: With a hone, a hone, a hone, No Cheaters nor Decoys, Shall have a share, but alone The bravest Roaring Boys. What are we get by Gulls, Of Country or of City: Old Flatcaps or young Heirs, Or lawyer's Clerks so witty: By Sailors newly landed, To put in for fresh waters: By wandering Gander-mooners: Or muffled late night-walkers. With a, etc. What are we get by Strangers, The Scotch, the Dutch, or Irish: Or to come nearer home, By Masters of the Parish. It is concluded thus, By all and every wench, To take of all their coins, And pay 'em back in French. With a, etc. Ch. Melodious Minotaur. Tr. Harmonious Hippocrene. Ch. Sweet-breasted Bronsterops. Tr. Most runnable Tweak. Chau. Delicious Duplar. Trim. Putrefactious Panagron. Ch. Calumnious callet. Tr. And most singular syndicus. Bau. We shall never be able to deserve these good words at your hands Gentlemen. Cap. Shake golls with the Captain, he shall be thy valiant friend. Chau. Not yet Captain, we must make an end of our Roaring first. Trim. we'll serve 'em as we did the Tobacco-man: lay a curse upon 'em, marry we'll lay it on gently, because they have used us so kindly, and then we'll shake golls together. Who. As gently as you can, sweet Gentlemen. Ch. For thee, Oh Pander: mayst thou trudge till the damned soles of thy boots fleet into dirt, but never rise into Air. Trim. Next, mayst thou fleet so long from place to place, till thou be'st kicked out of Fleetstreet. Chau. As thou hast lived by bad flesh, so rotten mutton be thy bane. Trim. When thou art dead, may twenty whores follow thee, that thou mayst go a Squire to thy grave. Cap. Enough for me sweet faces, let me sleep in my grave. Ch. For thee old syndicus, may I see thee ride in a caroche with two wheels, and drawn with one horse. Trim. Ten Beadles running by, in stead of footmen. Cha. With every one a whip, steed of an Irish dart. Trim. Forty barber's basins sounding before instead of Trumpets. Bau. This will be comely indeed sweet Gentlemen Roarers. Trim. Thy ruff starched yellow with rotten Eggs. Chau. And mayst thou then be drawn from Holborn, to Hounslow-Heath. Trim. And then be burnt to Colebrooke for destroying of Maidenhead. Bau. I will study to deserve this kindness at your hands Gentlemen. Chau. Now for thee little Fucus, mayst thou first serve out thy time as a Tweak, and then become a Bronstrops as she is. Trim. mayst thou have a reasonable good Spring, for thou art like to have many dangerous soul falls. Chau. mayst thou have two Ruffs torn in one week. Trim. May Spiders only weave thy Cobweb-lawn: Chau. mayst thou set up in Rogue Lane. Trim. Live till thou stinkest in garden-alleys. Chau. And die sweetly in Tower-Ditch. Who. I thank you for that good sir Roarer. Ch. Come, shall we go now Trim, my father in law stays for me all this while. Trim. Nay, I'll serve 'em as we did the Tobacco-man: I'll bury 'em altogether, and give 'em an Epitaph. Chaugh. All together Trim, why then the Epitaph will be accessary to the sin: alas, he has kept the door all his life time, for pity let 'em lie together in their graves. Ca. e'en as thou wilt Trim, and I thank you too sir. Trim. He that the reason would know, let him hark, Why these two were buried near marrowbone Park: These three were a Pander, a Band, and a Whore, That sucked many dry to the bones before. Well you know how they lived? here't may be read, The low Countries did ever find 'em bred, They lived by Flushing, by Sluice, and the Greyne, Sickened in France, and died under the Line. Three letters at last commended 'em hither, But the hangman broke one in putting together. P. was the first, who cries out for a Pardon, O. craves his book, yet could not read such a hard one, An X. was the last, which in conjunction Was broke by Brandon, and here's the conclusion. By three trees, three letters; these three, Pander, Band, Whore: Now stink below ground, stunk long above before. Chau. So, now we have done with you, remember Roaring Boys. Trim. Farewell Centaur. Chau. Farewell Bronsterops. Trim. Farewell Fucus. Exeunt Chaugh and Trim. Cap. Well Meg: I will learn to Roar, and still maintain the name of Captain over these lancepresadoes. Bau. If thou dost not, mayst thou be buried under the Roaring curse. Exeunt. Actus Quintus, Scaena prima. Enter Physician: jane as a Bride. Phis. Will you be obstinate? jane. Torment me not, Thou lingering Executioner to death, Greatest disease to Nature, that strivest by Art To make men long a dying, your practice is Upon men's bodies, as men pull Roses, For their own relish, but to kill the flower So you maintain your lives by others' deaths, What eat you then by carrion? Phis. Fie bitterness, Ye'd need to candy over your tongue a little, Your words will hardly be digested else, jane. You can give yourself a vomit to return 'em, If they offend your stomach, Phis. Here my vow You are to be married today. jane. A second torment, Worse than the first, cause unavoidable, I would I could as soon annihilate My Fathers will in that as forbid thy lust. Phis. If you then tender an unwilling hand, Meet it with revenge, marry a Cuckold. jane If thou wilt marry me, I'll make that vow, And give my body for satisfaction To him that should enjoy me for his wife. Phis. Go to, I'll mar your marriage. jane Do, plague me so. I'll rather bear the brand of all that's past, In Capital Characters upon my Brow, Then think to be thy whore or marry him, Phis. I will defame thee ever. jane Spare me not. Phis. I will produce thy Bastard, Bring thee to public penance, jane No matter, I care not, I shall have a clean sheet, I'll wear twenty Rather then one defiled with thee. Phis. Look for Revenge. jane. Pursue it fully then, out of his hate, I shall pursue (I hope) a loathed fate. Exit jane Phis. Am I rejected, all my baits nibbled off, And not the fish caught? I'll trouble the whole stream, And choke it in the mud, since hooks not take, I'll throw in nets that shall or kill or break. This is the bridegrooms man, hark sir, a word. Enter Trimtram with Rosemary. Trim. 'Tis a busy day sir, nor I need no physic, You see I scour about my business. Phis. Pray you a word sir, your Master is to be married today. Trim. Else all this Rosemaries lost. Phis. I would speak with your master sir. Trim. My Master sir, is to be married this morning and cannot be within while soon at night. Phy. If you will do your master the best service, That ere you did him, if he shall not curse Your negligence hereafter slacking it: If he shall bless me for the dearest friend That ever his acquaintance met withal, Let me speak with him ere he go to Church. Trim. A right Physician, you would have none go to the Church, nor Churchyard till you send them thither; well, if death do not spare you yourselves, he deals hardly with you, for you are better benefactors and send more to him then all diseases beside. Chau. within. What Trimtram, Trimtram? Trim. I come sir. Hark you, you may hear him, he's upon the spur and would fain mount the saddle of Matrimony, but (if I can) I'll persuade him to come to you. Exit Trim Phy. Pray you do sir: I'll teach all peevish niceness To beware the strong advantage of revenge. Enter Chaugh. Chau. Who's that would speak with me? Phy. None but a friend sir. I would speak with you. Chau. Why sir, and I dare speak with any man under the universe, can you roar sir? Phy. No in faith sir. I come to tell you mildly for your good, If you please to hear me: you are upon Marriages Chau No sir, I an towards it, but not upon it yet. Phy. Do you know what you do? Chau. Yes sir, I have practised what to do before now, I would be ashamed to be married else: I have seen a Bronstrops in my time, and a Hippocrene, and a Tweke too. Phy. Take fair heed sir, the wife that you would marry is not fit for you. Cha. Why sir, have you tried her? Phy. Not I believe it sir, but believe with all, She has been tried. Chau. Why sir, is she a Fructifer? or a Fucus? Phi. All that I speak sir, is in love to you, Your Bride, that may be, 'has not that portion that a Bride should have. Chau. Why sir? she has a thousand and a better penny. Phy. I do not speak of rubbish, dross, and over, But the refined Mettle, Honour sir. Chau. What she wants in honour shall be made up in worship sir, money will purchase both. Phy, To be plain with you, she's nought. draws his sword Chau. If thou canst not roar thouart a dead man, my Bride nought? Phy. Sir, I do not fear you that way, what I speak, My life shall maintain, I say she's nought. Chau. Dost thou not fear me? Phy. Indeed I do not sir. Chau. I'll never draw upon the while I live for that trick, put up and speak freely. Phy. Your intended Bride is a whore, that's freely sir, Chau. Yes saith, a whore's free enough, and she hath a conscience: is she a whore? Foot I warrant she has the Pox then? Phy. Worse, the Plague, 'tis more incurable, Chau. A plaguy whore? a pox on her I'll none of her, Phy. Mine accusation shall have firm evidence. I will produce an avoid witness, A bastard of her bearing. Chau, A Bastard? 'snails, there's great suspicion she's a whore then, I'll wrestle a fall with her father for putting this trick upon me as I am a Gentleman. Phy. Good sir mistake me not, I do not speak To break the contract of united hearts, I will not pull that curse upon my head, To separate the husband and the wife, But this (in love) I thought fit to reveal, (As the due office betwixt man and man) That you might not be ignorant of your ills, Consider now of my premonishment, As yourself shall please. Chau. I'll burn all the Rose marry to sweeten the house, for in my conscience 'tis infected: has she drunk Bastard? if she would piss me wine vinegar now nine times a day I'd never have her, and I thank you too. Enter Trimtram Trim. Come, will you come away sir, they have all Rosemary and stay for you to lead the way. Chau. I'll not be married today Trimtram, hast ere an Almanac about thee? this is the nineteenth of August, look what day of the month 'tis. Looks in an Almanac. Trim. 'Tis twenty nine indeed sir. Chau. What's the word? what says Bretnor? Trim. The word is sir, there's a hole in her coat. Chau. I thought so, the Physician agrees with him, I'll not marry today. Trim. I pray you sir, there will be charges for new Rosemary else, this will be withered by tomorrow. Chau. Make a Bon fire on't to sweeten Rosemary Lane prithee Trim. entreat my father in law that might have been, to come and speak with me. Trim. The Bride cries already and looks to their way, and you be so backward too, we shall have a fine arseward wedding on't. Exit Trim. Chau. You'll stand to your words, sir? Phis. I'll not fly the house sir, when you have need call me to evidence. Exit Physician. Chau. If you'll prove she has borne a Bastard, I'll stand to't she's a whore. Enter Russell and Trimtram. Russ. Why how now son what causeth these delays? All stay for your leading. Chau. Came I from the mount to be confronted? Russ. How's that sir? Chau. Canst thou roar old man; Russ. Roar? how mean you sir? Chau. Why then I'll tell thee plainly thy daughter in a Bronstrops. Russ. A Bronsterop? What's that sir? Trim. Sir if she be so she is a Hippocrene. Chau. Nay worse she is a fructifer. Trim. Nay then she is a Fucus, a Minotaur, and a Tweke. Russ. Pray you speak to my understanding sir, Chau. If thou wilt have it in plain terms: She is a calicut, and a Panagron. Trim. Nay then she is a Duplar and a syndicus. Russ. Good sir, speak English to me. Chau. All this is Cornish to thee, I say thy Daughter has drunk Bastard in her time. Russ. Bastard you do not mean to make her a whore? Chau. Yes but I do, if she make a fool of me, I'll near make her my wife, till she have her maidenhead again? Russ. A whore? I do defy this Calumny. Chau. Dost thou? I defy thee then. Trim. Do you sir, than I defy thee too, fight with us both at once in this quarrel if thou darest. Chau. I could have had a whore at Plymouth. Trim. I or at Perin. Chau. I or under the Mount. Trim. Or as you came, at Evil. Chau. Or at Hockly hole in Somersetshire. Trim. Or at the hanging stones in Wiltshire. Chau. Or at Maidenhead in Barkshire: and did I come in by Maidenhead to go out by Stains? Oh that man woman or child, would wrestle with me for a pound of patience. Russ. Some thief has put in poison at your ears. To steal the good name of my child from me: Or if it be a malice of your own, Be sure I will enforce a proof from you. Chau. he's a goose and a woodcock that says I will not prove any word that I speak. Trim. I either goose or Woodcock he shall sir with any man. Chau. Physician, Mauz avez Physician. Russ. Is he the author? Phis. Sir, with much sorrow for your sorrows sake, I must deliver this most certain truth, Your daughter is an honour stained Bride, Indeed she is the mother to a child, Before the lawful wife unto a husband. Chau. la, that's worse than I told thee, I said she had borne a Bastard, and he says she was the mother on't too. Russ. I'm yet an infidel against all this, And will believe the Sun is made of Brass, The Stars of amber. Chau. And the moon of a holland cheese. Russ. Rather than this impossibility, oh, here she comes, Enter jane and Anne. Nay come daughter, stand at the bar of shame, Either now quit thyself, or kill me ever: Your marriage day is spoiled if all be true. jane. A happy misery, whose my accuser? Phis. I am that knows it true I speak, Chau. Yes and I'm his witness. Trim. And I. Chau. And I again. Trim. And I again too, there's four that's enough I hope. Russ. How can you witness sir that nothing know, But what you have received from his report. Chau. Must we not believe our Physicians? pray you think I know as much as every fool does. Trim. Let me be Trimtram: I pray you too sir. jane. Sir if this bad man have laid a blemish On my white name: he is a most false one, Defaming me for the just denial Of his soul lust, nay now you shall be known sir. An Sir I'm his sister and do better know him, Than all of you give not too much belief To his wild words, he's oftentimes mad sir. Phis. I thank you good sister. An. Are you not mad to do this Office, Fie upon your malice. Phis. I'll presently produce both nurse and Child, Whose very eyes shall call her mother, before it speaks. Chau. Ha, ha, ha, ha, by my troth I'd spend a shilling on that condition to hear that, I think in my conscience I shall take the Physician in a lie if the Child call her mother before it can speak, I'll never wrestle while I live again. Trim. It must be a she child if it do sir, and those speak the soonest of any living Creatures they say. Chau. Baw waw, a dog will bark a Month sooner, he's a very puppy else. Russ. Come tell truth twixt ourselves, here's none but friends One spot a father's love will soon wipe off? The truth and they try my love abundant, I'll cover it with all the care I have. And yet (perhaps) make up a marriage day. jane. Then it's true sir, I have Child. Russ. Hast thou? Well wipe thine eyes, I'm a Grandfather then, If all bastards were banished, the City would be thin, In the thickest term time, well now let me alone I'll try my wits for thee, Richard, Francis, Andrew, None of my knaves within? Enter his Servant. Ser. here's one of'em, sir, the Guests come in apace. Russ. Do they dick? let 'em have wine and sugar, we'll before 'em presently, but hark Dick. Cha. I long to hear this child speak i'faith, Trim, I would this foolish Physician would come once. Trim. If it calls her mother, I hope it shall never call you father. Chau. No, and it do I'll whip it i'faith, and give thee leave to whip me. Russ. Run on thy best legs Dick. Seru. I'll be here in a twinkling sir. Exit Ser. Enter Physician, Nurse, with the child. Phy. Now Gentlemen, believe your eyes, if not my tongue Do not you call this your child? C. Phew, that's not the point you promised us the child should call her Mother, if it does this month, I'll near go to the roaring school again. Russ. Whose child is this Nurse? Nurse. Dis Gentlemans, so he to me readen. Points to the Physician. Ch. Snails she's the physicians Bronstrops, Trim. Trim. His Fucus, his very Tweke, i'faith. Chau. A glister in his teeth, let him take her with a purgation to him. Russ. 'Tis as your sister said: you are stark mad, sir, This much confirms it, you have defamed Mine honest daughter: I'll have you punished for't, Besides the civil penance of your sin, And keeping of your bastard. Phis. This is fine, All your wit and wealth must not thus carry it. Russ. Sir Chaugh a word with you. Chau. I'll not have her i'faith, sir, if Trimtram will have her and he will let him. Trim. Who I, sir? I scorn it, if you'll have her, I'll have her too, I'll do as you do, and no otherwise. Russ. I do not meant to either, this only, sir, That whatsoe'er you'ave seen, you would be silent, Hinder not my child of another husband, Though you forsake her. Chau. I'll not speak a word, i'faith, Russ. As you are a gentleman. Chau. By these basket hilts, as I am a youth, A gentleman a Roarer. Russ. Charm your man I beseech you too. Chau. I warrant you sir he shall do nothing but what I do before him. Enter Servant with Fitzallen. Russ. I shall most dearly thank you, Oh are you come, Welcome son in law: this was beyond your hope, We old men have pretty conceits sometimes, Your Wedding day's prepared, and this is it, How think you of it? Fitz. As of the joyfull'st That ever welcomed me, you show yourself now A pattern to all kind fathers: my sweetest jane, Russ. Your captivity I meant but as sauce, Unto your Wedding dinner, now, I'm sure 'Tis far more welcome in this short restraint Then had it freely come: Fitz. A thousand fold. jane. I like this well. Chau. I have not the heart to see this Gentleman gulled so, I will reveal, I make it mine own case 'tis a foul case. Trim. Remember you have sworn by your hilts. Chau. I'll break my hilts rather than conceal, I have a trick Do thou follow me, I will reveal it, and yet not speak it neither. Trim. 'Tis my duty to follow you sir. Chaugh sings .Take heed in time oh man unto thy head, Trim. Sings .All is not gold that glistereth in bed. Russ. Why sir? why sir? Chau. Look to't I say, thy Bride's a Bronsterops, Trim. And knows the thing that men wear in their slops, Fitz. How's this sir? Chau. A Hipocrene, a Tweke, for and a fucus, Trim. Let not fond love with foretops so rebuke us. Russ. Good sir. Chau. Behold a baby of this maids begetting, Trim. A deed of darkness after the sunset. Russ. Your Oath sir. Chau: I swear and sing thy Bride has taken Physic, Trim. This was the Doctor cured her of that Phthisic. Chau. If you'll believe me I will say no more, Trim. Thy Brides a Tweke as we do say that roar. Chau. Bear witness Gentlemen I have not spoke a word, My hilts are whole still. Fitz. This is a sweet Epithalamium, Unto the Marriage bed, a musical Harmonious Io: sir, gave wronged me, And basely wronged me, was this your cunning fetch, To Fetch me out of prison, for ever To marry me unto a Strumpet? Russ. None of those words good sir, 'tis but a fault, and 'tis a sweet one too, Come sir, your means is short, lengthen your fortunes, With a fair proffer: I'll put a thousand pieces Into the scale to help her to weigh it up, Above the first dowry. Fitz. Ha? you say, well Shame may be bought out at a dear rate, A thousand pieces added to her dowry. Russ. There's five hundred of 'em to make the Bargain, I have worthy guests coming and would not delude 'em, Say: speak like a Son to me. Fitz. Your blessing sir, we are both yours, witness Gentlemen these must be made up a thousand pieces, added to a first thousand for her dowry, to father that child, Phis. Oh is it out now? Chau. For other thousand I'll do't myself yet. Trim. Or I, if my Master will. Fitz. The bargain's made, sir, I have the tender And possession both; and will keep my purchase, Chaw. Take her e'en to you with all her movables, i'll wear my bachelors buttons still. Trim. So will I i'faith; they are the best flowers in any man's garden, next to heartsease. Fitz. This is as welcome as the other sir, And both as the best bliss that ere on earth, I shall enjoy, sir, this is mine own child, You could not have found out a sitter Father Nor is it basely bred as you imagine For we were wedded by the hand of heaven Ere this work was begun. Chaw. At Pancridge, i'll lay my life on't, Trim. I'll lay my life on't too, 'twas there, Fitz. somewhere it was, sir, Russ. Was't so i'faith son? jane. And that I must have revealed to you, sir, Eat I had gone to Church with this fair groom, But thank this gentleman, he prevented me, I am much bound unto your malice sir. Phi. I am ashamed jane. Shame to amendment then. Russ. Now get you together for a couple of cunning ones, But son, a word, the latter thousand pieces Is now more than bargain. Fitz No by my faith sir Here's witness enough on't, must serve to pay my fees Imprisonment is costly Chaw. By my troth the old man has guled himself, finely, well sir, I'll bid myself a guest, though not a groom, I'll dine and dance, and roar at the wedding for all this. Trim. So will I sir, if my Master does, Russ. Well sir, you are welcome, but now, no more words on't, Till we be set at dinner for there will mirth Be the most useful for digestion, See, my best guests are coming. Enter Captain Ager, Surgeon, Lady Ager Colonels Sister, two friends. Cap. Recovered sayst thou. Surg. May I be excluded quite out of surgeons' hall else, marry I must tell you the wound was feign to be twice corroded, 'twas a plain Gastrolophe, and a deep one, but I closed the lips on't with Bandages and sutures, which is a kind conjunction of the parts separated against the course of nature. Capt. Well sir, he is well Sur. I feared him I assure you Captain before the Surture in the belly, it grew almost to a convulsion, and there was like to be a bloody issue from the hollow vessels of the kidneys. gives him money. Capt. There's that, to thank thy news and thy Art together. Sur. And if your worship at any time stand in need of incision, if it be your fortune to light into my hands, i'll give you the best. Cap. Uncle, the noble Colonels recovered, Russ. Recovered. Then honour is not dead in all parts Cusse. Enter Colonel with his too friends. 1. Behold him yonder sir. Captain My much unworthiness is now found out, thou'st not a face to fit it. Colo. frie. Sir yonder's Captain Ager. Colo. O Lieutenant the wrong I have done his fame, Puts me to silence, shame so confounds me, That I dare not see him. Captain I never knew how poor my deserts were, Till he appeared'; no way to give requital, Here shame me lastingly; do't with his own, Return this to him, tell him I have Riches In that abundance in his sister's love, These come but to oppress me, and confound All my deservings everlastingly: I never shall requite my wealth in her say, How soon from virtue and an honoured spirit, May man receive what he may never merit. Colo. This comes most happily, to express me better, For since this will was made there fell to me The manner of Fitz-dale, give 'em that too, he's like to have charged there's fair hope Of my sister's fruitfulness, for me I never mean to change my mistress, And war is able to maintain her servant, 1. Read there, a fair increase sir, by my faith, He hath sent it back sir, with new additions. Capt. How miserable he makes me, this enforces me To break through all the passages of shame And headlong fall, Colo. Into my arms dear worthy. Capt. You have a goodness Has put me past my answers, you may speak, what you please now; I must be silent ever, Colo. This day has shown me joys unvalued treasure, I would not change this brotherhood with a monarch, Into which blessed alliance sacred heaven Ha's placed my kinsman, and given him his ends Fair be that Quarrel makes such happy friends. Exeunt Omnes. FINIS.