THE BRIDE, A comedy. Acted in the year 1638. at the private house in Drury-lane by their Majesty's Servants.  
The Author, THOMAS NABBES.  Ovid. epist. ad Orest. 

— Nec turpe marito est  
Aspera pro charo bella tulisse thoro.   
LONDON. Printed by R. H. for Laurence Blaikelocke and are to be sold at his shop at the sign of the sugarloaf next Temple bar in Fleetstreet. 1640.   

TO THE GENERALTY OF His Noble friends, Gentlemen of the several Honourable Houses the Inns of Court.  
GENTLEMEN,  
I Have presumed thus upon you, to countenance my shame fact Bride; who now she is pressed blusheth to appear in public, through fear she hath of a new danger from public censure. She is here dressed according to mine own desire and intention; without aught taken from her that myself thought ornament; nor supplied with any thing which I valued but as rags. Your favourable opinion, and your acceptance of her into your protection, will take off her fears, and make her present herself front laeto: and the honour that you do me thereby will add: to those many engagements that bind me always to declare myself  
Your most thankful servant. THOMAS NABBES.   

The speaking Persons.  

Goodlove. An old wealthy Merchant.  
Theophilus. His son, supposed only his Foster son.  
Raven. His Nephew: a villain.  
Kickshaw. A French Cook.  


Maligo.  
Rhenish.   Two Merchants.  
Justice Ferret. A simple justice.  
Mrs. Ferret. His wife, imperious over her husband.  


Father.  
Mother.   To the Bride.  
Bride.  
Squirrel. A nimble Vintner.  
Drawer.  
Three of four Blades. Wild roaring fellows.  
Horten. An owner of rarities and antiquities.  
Servant to Horten.  
Servants to Goodlove.  
Plaster. A humorous Surgeon.   

Mutes.  
Maids attending the Bride.  
Three or four Wenches.  
Servants.   
The Scene LONDON.   

The PROLOGUE  

VAcation still: so little custom comes  
To buy our Merchandise, and fill our rooms,  
It would persuade us but for after hope  
Of better takings quite to shut up shop.  
But what's the reason? have we no good ware?  
Or do the sights and motions in the fair  
Please better with their cheap rates? 'tis not fit  
That we should set so low a prize on wit.  
For what we shall present you with today  
The Bride, we wish you not t'expect a play,  
Wherein a nestle-cock, or youth o'th' town  
(Borne to more state than wit) 's a gallant grown:  
When one amongst you laughing at the elf  
And at his gullery, thinks upon himself.  
Perhaps there will be some concluding that  
A person or a place is pointed at;  
Such make that satire which the pure intent  
Of th' author meant but harmless merriment;  
Who only labours here in what he can  
T'express a Citizen a Gentleman.  
Mark well the weaving and the dressing, then  
Liking the stuff we hope you'll come again.    

The Bride.  
The first Act,  

The first Scene.  Enter Old Goodlove, and Theophilus very sad. Goodlove. 
I Say, no more of this,  
I'll have no brow contracted into wrinkles  
Upon my wedding day: A day of mirth;  
And thou stand'st like a melancholic figure  
Of weeping penitence, when joy should dress  
Thy cheeks in dimples; it is prodigious  
That thou shouldst only  
Wear mourning at my nuptials, that have fostered  
Thee from an Infant; bred thee to a man;  
Ranked thee with Gentlemen, and made thee thought  
To be what thou appear'st; and thou to grieve  
For what I count my happiness!  The. 
Pray sir construe it  
Th' expression of my duty. To your love  
Were I possessed of many selves I owe them.  
That love hath caused this passion out of fear  
Your reputation in the act will suffer  
Rumor is apt to prey upon occasion:  
And if the rude mouths of the multitude  
Catch hold on a report, they'll multiply it;  
And make it. grow to scandal. You an old man  
Will marry a young woman.  Good. 
Who calls me old! Dost thou? Now by my beard  
(Is't not turned black again? I should be loath  
To swear by a false colour) I am young,  
Like a new spring grown out of a barren winter.  
I've likewise strength and activeness: look here else. seems to caper and hurt his foot.  
Beshrew't, the floor's uneven: would 'twere mended  
I'll have my corns cut too. Child we must dance  
Always at weddings. Am I again a Bridegroom!  
And shall I not be lusty?  The. 
Pray Sir, do not  
Flatter your weakness, and decay of strength.  
Your age begins to grow to a disease:  
And can you then express such youthful appetite  
Without being censured?  Good. 
Pray no more dissuasion  
Besides my will there is a reason for it:  
And thou hast cause to joy, She brings a portion  
Will be a large addition to thy state,  
Which I but live t'increase. I have no heir  
Save thee? nor will get any: shalt have all.  The. 
Your welfare sir to me  
Is an inheritance 'bove any state  
Fortune can bless me with. Which to preserve  
My knees should grow fast to some hallowed pavement,  
Till mine own dissolution, and no thoughts  
Busy my mind but prayers. Sir consider  
The difference twixt your disability,  
And her so hopeful fruitfulness. T' increase  
And propagate was the best end of marriage.  
Then if the means be wanting, the end cannot  
Be perfected: and some in scruple stick not  
To call it sin.  Good. 
More urging! when I am dead  
Thou shalt have her too. Ha! dost startle at it?  The. 
Why that would make even your ashes infamous.  
And tempt the idle gazers on't to scratch  
Libels upon your Marble. 'Twould be construed  
That she in youthful heat longing for what  
Your cold defects denied her, had enjoyed me  
To lustful satisfaction, when she should  
Have warmed your bed, and after married me  
To prevent farther rumor. Nay sir more.  
Hath she not settled her desire already  
Upon some one of more proportioned years?  
'Twere rare if such a beauty of that growth,  
Should have her maiden thoughts untouched with th' appetite  
Of what instinct doth teach, though she were barred  
Even all converse, so much as not to know  
The difference of a sex.  Good. 
A causeless jealousy  
she's noted to have more perfections  
Lodged in her rich mind, than the outward structure  
Though beautiful doth promise: she inherits  
Her Parents virtues, and her education  
Hath been their only care. I know she's free  
From the lest thought may stain her purity.  
Therefore no more.   

The second Scene.  To them Raven, and a little after him monsieur Kickshaw. 
Is my Bride yet come x?  Raw. 
Not yet sir. monsieur Kickshaw the French Cook's come to prepare dinner.  Good. 
he's welcome; let me see him  
I'll have the feast seasoned with all variety  
Of choice delights.  The. 
To me they will not relish;  
But like those pills which an unwilling patient  
Doubting their virtue takes, and turns the medicine  
Into a worse disease.  Good. 
monsieur you are welcome.  Kick. 
Me tank you monsieur.  Good. 
I presume you'll show your best cunning.  Kick. 
Me make you de French dish; de pulpatone; de frigasie; de gran Kickeshaw an de kickshaw royal; de macaroon: and two tree dozen ting more for your wedding.  Good. 
Pray x take him first into the cellar.  Kick. 
Remerce monsieur. Me drink two tree cup a your Claret a your vite vine sall make a me lusty.  Good. 
I shall thankfully consider your pains.  Kick. 
monsieur ven o' me work is done, you give a me leave to dance two tree four dance, an kiss a devench two tree four time. Oh de French man love a de fine vench vary well. You be de old man monsieur, and you love a de young vench: me make your de dish sall get this Child.  Good. 
Too many on conscience.  Kick. 
If de madam love me, me get twenty.  Good. 
To your business good monsieur.  Kick. 
Dat be good business, better den go to my work. Exit.  The. 
Observe you sir this fellow! one that ought  
To be kicked into manners how he taunts you?  
'Twill be the streets discourse, the conduits lecture:  
And not an idle tongue but will abuse.  
Your reverend name, which hitherto hath awed  
Th' unbridled rabble.  Good. 
Once more I command thee  
Leave off this counsel, growing but from fear,  
That will admit no reason. x Raven  
Hasten my Bride: she makes my patience tire  
With so much expection. And hark you x. Whisper.  Theo. 
My sun of joys eclipsed, and all the hopes  
My fancy painted, by this accident  
Are blotted out. How have I merited  
Of heaven thus to be punished! But I must not  
Tax providence with an injustice to me,  
That have deserved worse curses for neglect  
Of my religious duties. Only he,  
My foster Father to possess those sweets  
Love promised my inheritance! Were't another,  
I'd from his rude hands snatch her in the Church,  
Before the powerful words should knit that knot  
Nothing but death dissolves.   

The third Scene.  To them Maligo and Rhenish. Good. 
Senior Maligo a most welcome guest.  Mal. 
Your Servant Senior.  Good. 
And Mr. Rhenish.  Rav. 
The Spanish and Dutch Merchants! send there be no wars at the wedding.  Rhen. 
we come to witness your solemnities.  Good. 
Welcome Mr. Rhenish: and since you are come so early let's spend the time in conference about the wines we lately spoke of. Exeunt. Theo. and Raven remaining.  Rav. 
Cousin you're sad. Would I might know the reason,  
I'll help to put it from you.  The. 
Cousin Raven,  
Since love, not blood, hath made you wear that title,  
Though 'tis a secret I would gladly hide,  
To you I will impart it. Sent with gifts  
To the fair maid that this day must be Bride  
To the old man, my treacherous eyes conveyed  
Flames to my heart from hers: which being fixed  
Upon me, shot their magic influence  
Of love with such a violence, that I took  
Th' impression ere my bosom was prepared  
And tempered for it.  Rav. 
This may be a ground  
For me to work on.  The. 
Duty now and honesty  
Fought with my passions, and enforced them back  
To their unwilling prison: though her eye,  
Look, gesture; and at parting when I took  
Her hand to kiss it: than she held mine hard:  
For all these invitations to their liberty  
I durst not free them; but concealed even that  
Perhaps she wished to know.  Rav. 
How can you doubt it?  
They were all signals that you should assault,  
And she would yield 'Tis but a modest custom  
For men to woo. 'Tis women's only pride  
To have men court them, not to be denied.  
Indeed it was your fault.  The. 
My virtue rather.  
Should I like the ingrateful serpent, sting  
The bosom that hath warmed me into life?  
Desire shall burst me first. Yet I must tell you,  
I am resolved to give my passions  
This satisfaction. When the bridal ceremonies  
Have had their consummation, I will travail  
And leave the cause behind. You may reveal it  
When I am gone. I shall be praised or pitied,  
For none can blame me.  Rav. 
None! Yes all that hear it.  
Who will not tax your indiscretion,  
And want of knowing what belongs to man,  
That will deny yourself that right, perhaps  
None but yourself can challenge. we are warranted  
To be indulgent to ourselves so far  
As work our own contents by any means  
Conscience or law calls just. Then if the time  
Prevent it not, try your success: be sudden:  
Steal her away and marry her.  The. 
Tempt me not  
Out of my passion into one more dangerous.  
'Twere but a just correction if I killed thee;  
That would instruct me to an act of error,  
Repentance could scarce win a pardon for.  Rav. 
My counsel's worth a better fee. Perhaps  
You fear some treachery in me. clear your understanding,  
I'll prove you ought to do it, and I to aid you.  
You are his foster son, and I his kinsman.  
You he intends his heir, and yet he must not  
Neglect me altogether. When they are married  
She'll find one to get Children.  The. 
Thou art base  
In thy suspect of her; and but for peace  
(To which this day ought to be consecrate)  
It should be punished.  Rav. 
You're too violent.  
Be calm, and understand demonstrative reason,  
Children being borne, then are you disinherited.  
When marrying her there's an estate will follow  
Worth thousands: For she is the only child  
Her parents ever had.  The. 
And why should you  
Advise to this, and aid it?  Rav. 
What more policy.  
Could I be guilty of? When his displeasure  
Hath cast you of (for that way sure he'll punish  
The injury) stand not I fair to be  
Possessed of what you lose, the old man's favour?  
Were you the only object of my hate,  
The good Ido myself would make the act  
Show of sufficient malice: but my love  
Guiding me to't—   

The fourth Scene.  To them Goodlove, Maligo and Rhenish: and a little after them justice Ferret and his wife. The. 
'Tis well I am prevented;  
My rashness else had executed justice  
Upon thy guilt. Forbear to tempt me farther.  
Thy friendship's but the shadow of a true one  
Dar'st urge such counsel, goodness cannot choose but blush at.  Rav. 
Howsoever you receive it  
I will attempt it. I'll prepare the Bride  
With this discovery: if she hath desires  
she'll some way give them liberty. The old man  
I then will prepossess with jealousy;  
And so endear me to him, that my ends  
Stand always fair in their opinions.  
A cunning villain must pretend to save.  
When most of all he doth intend a grave Exit.  Good. 
I like the rates: may the wines please as well  
I'll not repent my bargain.  Mal. 
Trust me sir you have the best sack of Spain.  Rhen. 
And Rhenish the swan hath none better: yet there's that will make the crookedst horner in the lane speak latin with the beadle of Vintners hall.  Good. 
Mr. Justice Ferret,  
This was a large expression of your love  
To come over the water:  Fer. 
'Twas my wife's desire.  Good. 
Kind Mistress Ferret.  M. Fe. 
Sir, the respects I bear you, and the obedience I owe my husband that commanded it, brought me over willingly to offer my service to so noble a friend.  Good. 
Your courtesies overcome me.  M. Fe. 
A rot on the best linings of your three piled durable; your everlasting almanac of high days, feasts and sessions: was it my desire? Thou liest thou wrong side of a lawyer turned outwards: I had better business at home. I could have seen if mother Whirl had spun the last pound of flax I sent her, or called at Knocks the weavers for my new Napkins. I have no maids to cudgel their tasks out of. Indeed I can hardly keep any for such a goat as thou art.  Good. 
Are ye offended with your husband Mrs. Ferret?  M. Fer. 
Obedience forbid it; my head: or if I may use the honourable phrase here without offence, my cap of maintenance.  Fer. 
No no sir; she was but excusing a few faults.  M. Fer. 
How sir lubber, must the world take notice by you that I have faults or modesty to excuse them? I'll make thee complain a month of the fairies for this: the fairies of my nails I mean; and pretend pinching for pissing in thy shoes, or such night uncleanness.  Fer. 
Sweet wife forbear a little. Thou wilt vex away thy eating stomach, and here will be excellent cheer.  M. Fer. 
So, so: I thought a City seast with a Ram-mutton pasty, and a twelve nooked custard, made with carryers eggs and the out scrapings of isinglass, must tempt you to the charge of six pence over, and six pence back again. Which with an addition of clerk's fees shared, and some garrisoned westphalian neat's tongue or red dear pie out of my Chamber cupboard, might have been an entertainment for the Masters of the Parish in your own dining room; and all have been paid for too with the return of half emptied bottles.  Good. 
Your wife Mr. Ferret hath called something to mind deserves a chiding.  Fer. 
Fie no sir: She is somewhat shrewish at home, but the best wife abroad—  M. Fer. 
Fie, sweet heart now you flatter. 'Tis virtue enough in us to be obedient and dutiful: we should lay ourselves under our husband's feet if they command it. But I'll exalt myself or somewhat else above your head, you malkin of suburb authority set up only to fright crows from the carrion of the common wealth, that it may lie still and corrupt government. Your worship had best bind my tongue to the peace, my nails should soon bail it. Soft Music.   

The fifth Scene  To them Father, Mother, Raven, Bride, and maids attending her. Good. 
My Bride come?  
The welcom'st guest that ever blessed this roof.  Fat. 
Joy Crown ye both.  Good. 
May your wish be prophetic.  
But why is she so sad?  Moth. 
'Tis only custom.  
Maids have their fears which by degrees must leave them.  M. Fe. 
May she make him a happy wife; and prove obedient from my example.  Good. 
Salute my Bride son: she should be thy joy  
As well as mine.  The. 
I better shall express  
Her entertainment in my pious wishes,  
Than any compliment I will be ready  
To pay you my best duty. Goodlove and Raven whisper.  Bride, 
Love you mean sir;  
Give it no other name, might I own that  
And call it my possession, soon this melancholy  
Should leave its mansion, and a Bride's full joy  
Inhabit here. You surely do repine;  
And it may be this act begets your fear  
Of being dispossessed a father's love.  
Which he must now in some proportion  
Confer on me.  The. 
Let me with reverence swear Offers to kiss her hand  
By this white hand—  Bride, 
Let me prevent your oath;  
Or swear by another book. Perhaps 'twill be  
The last warm kiss my lips shall ever feel. kiss.  
I do believe you love me. weeps.  The. 
How shall I  
Interpret this? how hard she clasped my hand,  
And pressed my lips? as wishing their conjunction  
Might be eternal. Tears with her last words fell:  
And in their silent oratory taught me  
To know myself more wretched by the knowledge  
Of what should make me happy.  Good. 
Can this be?  Rav. 
It hath both possibility and circumstance  
To make it probable. Good sir observe  
Their discontents: how they do sympathize,  
And meet each other. Pray sir let them have  
An opportunity; I'll be the spy:  
And call you to their billing.  Good. 
'Tis well counselled  
If 't please you Gentlemen I have within  
Some rarities, whose fight shall be your business  
Till we are ready. Sweet you shall forbear them  
Till you are made their Mistress. Exeunt.  Rav. 
Whether will you go? Theo. offers to follow.  
Wast not my plot to get this liberty  
That you might put your purpose into act  
If you have any? Why do you delay it?  
You see she's willing; I prepared her to it.  The. 
Willing to what good Cousin?  Rav. 
To be your Bride.  Bride. 
My blushes speak consent: then if you please  
Prevent prevention. My desires were never  
Settled on any other, though I durst not  
Reveal my passions awed by feminine custom,  
And my strict parents eyes. If you'll receive me,  
The desperate state of my cross fortune arms me  
To any enterprise you'll be my guide in  The. 
I shall be tempted to neglect that duty  
I would not rashly violate, to possess  
All that my wish can covet.  Rav. 
You may hereafter  
Discourse your loves. Play not away th' occasion.  
Her's the key of the back gate: take water presently, and away to the— whispers— I'll follow, get ye a Licence and see all dispatched. Fear not pursuit: that I'll hinder. Exeunt.  
So, the foundations laid on which I'll build  
myself a fortune, and with better safety  
Then making him away: Yet he must not marry her.  
That were t'enable him if my villainy  
Should be discovered to revenge and punish it.   

The sixth Scene.  To him Goodlove, Father, Mother, Ferret, Mrs. Ferret, Maligo, and Rhenish. 
The old man! aid me now hypocrisy, Or all miscarries. Oh sir I have searched for you all the house over.  Good. 
Hast observed any thing?  Rav. 
I left them here so close condoling. They are questionless stolen to some private place. I'll scent them out, and bring you word.  
I must absent myself for fear my joy  
For this fair entrance doth discover me. Exit.  Good. 
Father in expectation I have suddenly  
Bethought me of a business.  Fat. 
Pray what is't?  Good. 
You see I am old; unfit for such a Bride.  
Suppose I make a resignation,  
And give my right up to another man,  
One that your daughter and yourself should like of.  
What if my son were Bridegroom? 'twere a match  
Would carry more proportion.  Fat. 
None more gladly,  
So you'll confer upon him an estate  
Answering her portion.  Good. 
It shall be considered of.  
we'll know their likings.  Fer. 
Will you not Marry her yourself then after all these preparations? Why sir the world takes notice of it, and it may concern your credit.  Good. 
Your husband counsels well Mrs. Ferret.  M. Fe. 
I cannot in obedience but allow of his wisdom. Thou changeling nursed with the milk of an ass whence thou derivest thy great empty noddle: must you hinder a good motion? Are there not cuckolds enough already?  Good. 
where's the Bride Cousin? Raven returns.  Rav. 
Vanished sir, not to be found. They are questionless run away together: the water gate is fast locked, and the key without. You were doubtful sir, and would hardly give credit to my relation.  Fat. 
How! stolen away together! what plots are these?  Good. 
Yours sir, to undo the reputation  
Of an old man.  Fat. 
Rather your own, to ruin  
My only comfort.  Fer. 
Proceed you sir in your late motion and this difference will soon find a reconciliation. Is not the Gentleman his only son.  Good. 
No son of mine, but the most monstrous birth  
Of base ingratitude that ever made  
Charity frozen. I found him in the fields,  
An Infant almost starved, and bred him up.  
It seems for this.  Moth. 
Alas our child's undone.  Fat. 
Pursue the villain. If the extremity  
Of Law can do it, I will hang him for't.  Rav. 
I should be glad of that.  Fat. 
If I can prove sir your least knowledge makes you  
A party in't, your state or mine shall crack for't.  Good. 
Do you sir threaten me in mine own house.?  
My credit's more at stake, then that I should  
Be calm: but once I give you privilege.  Fat. 
Come let's 'to water: we perhaps may take them.  Rav. 
Yes at the Tower questionless. Exeunt. Father and Mother.  Fer. 
Sir if I find them in my precinct.  M. Fer. 
What will you do? If thou dost the least wrong to the loving couple, though I burn for it, I will roast thee alive and sell thy greasy kidneys for kitchenstuff. Kickshaw enters with plate under his cloak.  Rav. 
A good proceeding hitherto.  Kick. 
No vench, no veding? Me bid you adieu monsieur; you no need a me varke.  Good. 
Farewell monsieur. Reward him x.  Kick. 
Here be reward: two, tree silver dish, and tree, four spoon make monsieur a gentleman an buy define vench beyond de water. Me no stay for de reward. Exit.  Good. 
Ha hah hah he. Laughs.  Mal. 
Why laugh you sir? make you no more account of so great an injury?  Good. 
They're gone: and now I'll tell ye gentlemen,  
I knew the boy did love her, and I meant  
He only should enjoy her; but pretended  
myself would marry her, thereby to work  
A greater portion out of her covetous Father;  
And to insinuate myself into  
A perfect knowledge of his true estate.  
Now since h'hath played the wag, preventing me  
Of mine own plot, you all shall in and witness  
My act of love to him: I'll instantly  
Confirm him my full heir, reserving something  
For you my kinsman: whom I desire  
Use your best diligence to find them out,  
And bring them home, but coupled. And you gentlemen  
Dispense with this day's accident, your cheer  
Tomorrow shall be doubled. Exeunt.  Rav. 
How is this?  
My plot's prevented too; curse on the charm  
That witcheth you to love him. Bring them home,  
But coupled: fine employment. Yet 'tis well  
You tell me your intent. My brain must work  
Some more successful mischief that may hit.  
No villain can prosper without wit.  Exit.   

The second Act,  

the first Scene.  Squirrel, and after him a Drawer. Squir. 
Your diligence knaves, or I shall canvas your pole davies, deafen not a gallant with your anon anon fit, to make him stop his cares at an over-reckoning. Can a mansion purchased and paid for be converted into a house of entertainment, and subsist without comings In and goings Out? Now sir what say you?  Dra. 
The reckoning sir for Mr. Serge the Mercer, and the scrivener's wife, that have been these two hours in the yellow Bedchamber.  Squi. 
And what had they?  Dra. 
A dish of collops and eggs, and wine.  Squi. 
Sixteen shillings! 'tis well.  Dra. 
But her husband had half a choir of paper and bastard by himself in the Bullshead: which would hardly keep him employed below stairs; he was going up to peep through the key hole.  Squi. 
Saucy Scrivener! peep through a key hole! shouldst have had him by the cares.  Dra. 
His peeping through a hole cost them long since.  Squi. 
And this came freely!  Dra. 
He wondered sir it was no more. Exit. Dra.  Squi. 
Go carry the blades in the Lion a pottle of sack from me: their roaring must be maintained out of my profit. They are good procurers; and help now and then to stane of an over heated Citizen that pursues his game, too eagerly. Though my holiday squires of the city bring me in most gain, my free Knights of the suburbs, the errants of Lincoln-Inn fields, where their rendezvous makes the gunpowder house terrible, and the smock tribute due to their order is daily and nightly exacted: these I say are the best maintainers of my profits occasion; and Squirrel must venture cracking to maintain them whilst his sign and bush lasts.   

The second Scene.  To him Theophilus and Bride. You're welcome sir. The. 
The Master of the house!  Squi. 
The poor owner of some goods and chattels; movables and immovables, with a small stock to drive a trade.  The. 
We would desire the use of a room.  Squi. 
You shall be accommodated.  The. 
We expect a friend; till he comes this may serve.  Squi. 
What you please sir. A towel sirrah quickly. Exit.  Bri. 
Thou seem'st sweet heart as if th' hadst fears within thee.  
We may securely now discourse our loves,  
And weary time with words, till we are fit  
To act our wishes.  The. 
The fullness of my joys  
Happening so sudden ere I was prepared  
To taste them with an appetite, hath bred  
A surfeit in me.  Bri. 
Now you smell of flattery  
I would not have you court what you possess  
with any attribute above its merit.  
If my being yours you count your happiness,  
Let us be sudden to confirm ourselves  
Mutually happy, ere our parents rage  
Can reach us to prevent it.  The. 
That word parents.  
Makes me reflect on my ingratitude:  
Being greater far than infamous records  
Did ever punish; and like pleasant dreams  
My joys are changed to nothing.  Bri. 
Sudden dumbs:  
Whence are they? to myself I am not guilty  
Of a behaviour that should merit this.  
I prithee let me blush, and kiss away  
The clouds hang on thy brow. No discontent  
Should interpose where equal love hath mixed  
Equal desires; and for the noble end  
No base dependence. For could I but think  
Thy soul did harbour any bastard thought  
Which goodness might not father, I would back  
To my disgrace; and confidently meet  
My parent's anger; all th' affronts of rumor;  
And what the rabble pleased rather than stay  
To nurse it to a growth.  The 
Then pray return;  
But not to your disgrace; all shall be thrown  
Upon my guilt. And though my love (unstained  
With the least blemish of impure affection)  
Gave th' act allowance, I'll belie myself,  
And say I did enforce you; which the law  
May punish with my life. I'll give it up,  
To end th' affliction of my soul, divided  
'Twixt love to you, and duty to that man  
I have so wronged.  Bri. 
Can love admit such scruples?  
Or is't thy coldness? I was too too credulous.  
But the necessity denied more trial.  
Here's a pretence indeed.  The. 
Can there be greater?  
Ingratitude's a monster. Shall I then  
Repay that man with injury, that gave  
My almost starved life warmth, and made me breathe  
Though to be miserable  Bri. 
Thou dost surely  
Want the best part of man, and art not capable.  
Of resolution. Such a coward spirit  
Lodgeth not here. I now suspect thy worth,  
And blame my rashness.  The. 
Why should I be taxed  
With such defect? Know then I dare deserve you  
By any enterprise that may be credible.  
Invention cannot fancy an employment  
I would not manage to confirm my love  
Worthy your best opinion, only this  
My conscience frights me from.  Bri. 
Why then farewell.  
Passion will guide me somewhere, goodness guard me  
From a despair; and whatsoever end  
I am disposed for, I'll remember thee  
Deniest thyself good in denying me.  Offers to go away.  

The third Scene.  To them the Drawer with a towel. Dra. 
What's your wine sir?  The. 
Presently. Stay. pulls back bride.  Dra. 
Your pleasure sir. Bride weeps.  The. 
I mean not you.  Dra. 
I know your meaning sir. Exit. Drawer.  The. 
Why should those pearls be wasted,  
Till they every my funeral? Distraction  
Hurries my thoughts, and hindereth them from ordering  
Any resolve. Have I proceeded hitherto?  
And shall I now give back? The infamy  
Sticks on my name already; and the stain  
Thrown on it by the black mouthed multitude  
For being in grateful, by bare satisfaction  
Cannot be washed away. Her virtue likewise  
will be suspected. I must therefore on  
Since reason prompts me to it. Love shall excuse  
The act, and my neglect of other dues.  
Sweet I am now resolved.  Bri. 
Resolved! to what?  The. 
To consummate our wishes.  Bri. 
Now I think on't  
'Tis better not. I find my flame abated:  
My love's not half so violent, I can stay,  
And try you first.  The. 
How's this? why will you now  
Change your intent that seemed so resolute?  
'Twill make us be the subject of discourse,  
And libelling ballads; every gossip's feast  
Will make mirth from our shame.  Bri. 
No matter for't  
I now begin t'examine what's in you  
So taking An indifferent handsome frame;  
The superficies neatly varnished over.  
In it should dwell a soul rich as the building  
Doth promise to the eye; but I suspect it.  
Thy actions suit not with a noble spirit.  
Thy love's but wanton passion, not the virtue  
Should give it warrant. He that would be mine,  
Must in his mind as well as outward shine.  
Again farewell. Offers again to go.  The. 
Stay: I have fooled myself  
Into a maze of errors, and do want  
M' instructive part to guide me. All my faculties  
Of soul are puzzled, and at every turning.  
Do mate themselves with doubts. Why should you feign  
This cruelty to kill me, when my joys  
Were almost strengthened in the life you gave them,  
So far as not to fear a new relapse?  
Having corrected all the accidents  
Of my diseased love, will you now desist  
To make a perfect cure?  Bri. 
Medicines applied  
To an unwilling or distrustful patient  
Their work's hindered. You have ill received  
The means; and what succeeds, yourself is guilty of;  
No cruelty of mine.  The. 
Are you resolved then  
To send me back to my first misery?  
And anew make me wretched?  Bri. 
Till confirmed  
there's merit in you.  The. 
Is my want of that  
Only suspected by you? Hear me first,  
And then farewell. May I be cursed beyond  
Recovery by my penitence; let heaven  
ne'er make me master of a wish that may  
Include my least good, if I marry you—  Bri. 
How's this?  The. 
Until your parents free consent,  
And the good liking of that injured man  
Allow it public ceremony  Bri. 
Thou canst not  
Figure a more impossibility.  
It must be never then. Call in thy vow;  
The rashness will dispense wich't  The. 
That might give  
A new occasion for your cruel wit  
To tax me with new weakness. Know I can  
Be man as well as lover; and am fixed  
In my resolve, beyond the power of change  
By any passion.  Bri. 
I have played too long  
With the false shadow of my happiness,  
And mocked away the substance. By my love  
Zealous as ever kindled a chaste flame  
In any maiden's breast, I but dissembled  
To try thy patience, and beget discourse.  
I am so well confirmed in my opinion  
Of thy desert, that should a thousand tongues  
Swollen with detraction, break their tumerous bags,  
Venting from thence the most corrupted malice  
That ever made man infamous to me  
It should be flattering praise.  The. 
Did you dissemble?  
Could she who through her eyes conveyed her heart,  
And the assurance of her best desires  
When other means were silenced; she that taught  
My equal passion to interpret looks,  
Tears, smiles, and read in those dumb characters  
Her soul, dissemble? or with any counterfeit  
Disturb his joy that only from her truth  
Derives it true possession? Jealousy  
May then be warranted, since 'tis a virtue  
Noble and masculine when justly grounded.  
Was not your love dissembled? meant you not  
To make a property of these proceedings  
For some ends of your own? Dispose yourself  
A your will guides you; 'twill but make my life  
Somewhat more tedious wanting your society:  
Besides whom I renounce all woman kind.  Bri. 
I man besides thee. Do not tempt thy fate  
Too far beyond a reconciliation  
With opportunity; as yet it serves.  
If this day give thee not possession of me  
Never expect it. I shall find a place  
To keep out shame. In some chaste fellowship  
I'll learn to pay religious vows to heaven.  
And pray since here we cannot, we may be  
Happy hereafter in eternity. weeps.  The. 
Dissolve not with those tears my passive heart  
That weeps within me. They will almost tempt me  
To worse than sacrilege. Anon we will  
Consult and practise something.   

The fourth Scene.  To them Squirrel. After him Raven. Squi. 
By the description he makes of you a gentleman below inquires for you. I was not curious to ask your name, but I know him.  The. 
My x Raven!  Squi. 
The same sir.  The. 
Pray direct him to us.  Squi. 
What's your wine sir?  The. 
When he comes.  Squi. 
This is sure some hidebound student, that proportions his expense by his pension; and wencheth at Tottenham court for stewed prunes and cheesecakes. he's not acquainted with the generous way, and I shall have the less scruple to cozen him. Exit.  The. 
Be not so cloudy sweet; our sun of joy  
May shine at full, and clear those dusky mists;  
Obscure it for a season. Welcome x  
Unto our expectation.  Rav. 
The wine boy.  within. 
Anon anon sir: by and by.  The. 
x the news? how go matters?  Rav. 
The tempest's laid, but they are scattered by it.  
Some to the Tower; to Pancras others run.  
Noise fills the rooms within, and in the street  
The rabble is convented; where a jury  
Of wide mouthed oyster wives, to whom the foreman  
A one legged ballad singer opens tunably  
The merry case, not only do acquit you,  
But praise the act; and swear a ballad of it  
Would out sell all the libels ever yet  
M. P. subscribed to.  The. 
'Tis an act indeed Drawer enters with wine and Exit.  
Deserves reproach  Rav. 
Deserves a Chronicle  
A legend of delight. Which when 'tis read  
By the learned youth of Hogsden after supper,  
Shall cause such laughter 'mongst th' attentive family,  
That Cheapside wives shall curse the noise, for souring  
The market women's cream and buttermilk.  The. 
You're very pleasant Cousin. Some man's jealousy.  
Would soon interpret it to be but scorn.  
What you intend it—  Rav. 
x it is my zeal  
Makes me thus light and airy; yet rather  
Than my behaviour should give way unto  
The least suspicion, I'll put on a shape  
Of like dejectedness, as seems to clothe  
Your melancholic Bride; But how 'twould show  
'th' occasion makes it doubtful. If she'll weep  
Upon her wedding day, let it not be  
But that she apprehends th' ensuing night  
Brings on her joyful fears. x let's drink  
A health to the effect: a jolly boy  
Will follow fear not. Drinks  Bri. 
Yet the cause is hindered.  
Pray let your counsels in our danger be  
Movers unto more serious thoughts and actions.  
Our peace is not yet settled; and we doubt  
What the success may be which our proceedings  
Are destined to.  Rav. 
Success! the best that time,  
And th' application of endeavours can  
Crown your desires with. Yet I must confess  
Your parents storm, and threaten death if law  
By any trick can urge it. But the old man  
Seems to forgive you; only his intent  
Is to dispose his state some other way  
Then leave the least part yours. Which to comply for  
With any least submission I should rather  
Banish myself his sight, and cancelling  
All th' obligations of indebted duty,  
Scorn to be flattered into payment of it.  
x be ruled by me; confirm yourself  
In this possession. You may find delights  
Enjoying one another though restrained  
A general liberty. Get into the Country  
Remote enough, but where you may receive  
Weekly intelligence and means from me;  
Which I'll supply you with in a proportion  
For moderate expense. As things grow ripe  
I can inform you. As it hath been ever,  
It shall be still my care to do you offices  
(For mine own ends.)  The. 
You have my dearest x  
Given large testimony of your love;  
Requital must be studied. But for this  
You have advised to, a quite different course  
Is here resolved on, and my vow hath sealed it.  
I must return to labour a consent  
From those I have so wronged; which if denied me,  
I never must enjoy, what I desire  
Above myself.  Rav. 
Consent. 'twould soon be had,  
If I prevent it not. A noise within.  
What noise is that?  
Perhaps some that pursue you; hide yourselves;  
Her's an inner room. Puts them into another room.   

The fifth Scene.  To him Squirrel peeping. Squi. 
So, so, this is right gentlemen; one for another. Yet she looks not like carrion of Mr. Ravens leaving; I have seldom known him turn over any flesh to another that hath not been sufficiently tainted.  Rav. 
This accident whate'er it was hath gained me an opportunity. Squirrel thou must be intelligent and trusty. Hast observed?  Squi. 
Why is she a wench?  Rav. 
there's a question now to bring thy wit in question, and condemn thee for a puny politic in the smock state. What blades are in the house?  Squi. 
Rashbe, Spilman, Poinard, and others.  Rav. 
And they made the noise?  Squi. 
Right sir.  Rav. 
Will they attempt?  Squi. 
Any thing for you sir. Shall it be an affront?  Rav. 
More, more: send them up; and apply thyself with cunning as thou expectest ever to thrive by the cost sins of wenching.  Squi. 
I have known you Mr. Raven a bird of the flesh these many years, and if I should not respect an old standard.  Exit. Rav. 
Away then to the execution.  
x our fears was causeless. Theo. and Bride come forth again.  The. 
Had they been  
Such as it spoke them, we might well have stayed  
And yielded to them. We had only seemed  
Compelled to what we free must perform.   

The sixth Scene.  To them the Blades. Rav. 
Have you business with any here sir?  1 Bla. 
I do not use to answer sir. Sweet Lady.  The. 
What fellow's this?  1 Bla. 
Fellow? one that will admit no fellow sir. Fellow! Fellow yourself.  The. 
More! I suspect some rudeness. Pray x call the Master of the house.  2 Bla. 
The Master of the house is the master of the house; but we will master both him and you unless you deliver.  The. 
My purse?  3 Bla. 
Your she familiar sir; we would be familiar with her.  The. 
You are foul mouthed  1 Bla. 
How sir Citizen! do you think ere you are quite fledge in the nest, with the shell of your cuckoos eggs upon your head to confront us? We are blades; and blades must be scoured.  Bri. 
What mean you sir?  2 Bla. 
Your servant sweet Lady.  The. 
She is none of your pleasure Ladies, 'tis a wrong direction of your base thoughts.  3 Bla. 
Base! Cit. thou deserv'st the cane: but this lady's goodness commands thy pardon.  Bri. 
You are mistaken sir, I have no skill  
In th' art of prostitution.  1 Bla. 
You shall be instructed Lady; 'tis the Blade's profession.  The. 
Forbear your rudeness; if you must be wicked.  
Let your temptations be directed where  
The sin is grown to custom. Her chaste ears  
Never received such sounds.  2 Bla. 
Come come, you must sweet Lady.  Bri. 
What sir?  1 Bla. 
Along with us: we are company indeed. Who would let a Cit. (whose teeth are rotten out with sweet meats his mother brings him from goshippings) breathe upon her varnish for the promise of a dry neat's tongue and a pottle of Rhenish at the stillyard, when she may command a Blade to toss and tumble her? and (if she should pawn a petticoat) beat such a fellow as this is till he hath redeemed it.  The. 
Advantage may do much; but I would wish ye  
Desist, and be more civil: 'tis not th' odds else  
Shall fright me from attempting to correct you.  2 Bla. 
Correct us! nay then along Lady. One draws & stands at the door, whilst the other carry her away.  Bri. 
Help me sweet heart, will ye use violence?  The. 
Ye cowards, 'gainst an unarmed man!  Rav. 
May not I pass?  3 Bla. 
Not through me sir, unless you were a Blade; the fraternity may claim some privilege.  The. 
Then arm me Justice. Theo. throws his cloak on the other's point; gets within him and takes away his sword.  3 Bla. 
Hold, for heaven's sake hold.  The. 
Thy life! I scorn it: 'tis too base to pay  
A satisfaction; she must be redeemed  
At a far higher rate. Exit.  Rav. 
My wishes issue  
In all things yet. Are you much hurt sir?  3 Bla. 
A scratch or so. If the rest scape no better, I shall believe there is more valour in some, then what's only shown at a Finsbury muster. Exit. Ent. Squi. hastily.  Squi. 
Your aid master Raven, or we shall have murder done. The young gentleman sir, the young gentleman— Exit.  Rav. 
I hope so, if my plot succeeds.  
This was an unlooked business thrust upon me.  
But I must practise my hypocrisy  
With best art; else suspicion may discover.  
The guilt that's in me. Sure he's dead by this time,  
Unless his skin be proof against their points.  
If one of them should fall, and he escape  
The rest I will suborn to make his life  
The laws. Thus villainy like a pregnant mother  
From the success of one begets another. Exit.    

The third Act  

the first Scene.  Theophilus beating in the Blades before him; Bride, Raven and Squirrel. 1 Bla. 
Hold hold; I am hurt.  2 Bla. 
I bleed too.  1 Bla. 
If my sword had had a point, I had paid him home.  Squi. 
I beseech you sir be pacified.  The. 
Sir if your house be a place privileged  
For such abuses, it must be informed of,  
That law may punish it. But for these shadows,  
Mockshapes of valour; 'twere it not for staining  
My innocent hands, I would compel your souls  
Black as they are to give me satisfaction  
As ye expire them.  Bri. 
Prithee sweet no more;  
'tis well th' art safe.  1 Bla. 
We do acknowledge an error sir; and for satisfaction sir and to preserve peace, our weapons shall be delivered up to the Master of the house.  Rav. 
Mischief upon their baseness; how are they  
Declined from men! I hoped one desperate thrust  
Or stroke ere this had sent him to his quiet,  
And cut off farther labour to contrive it;  
It racks my invention. Yet I cannot rise  
To what I aim at but by his ruin.  1 Bla. 
We hope you'll do the like sir.  The. 
If I were confident of safety.  
But you must give me leave being one that can  
Command myself and passion. This with me  
Serves as an instrument of peace, and may  
Fright an intended mischief from me. Good sir  
Retain their weapons as you'll answer it  
At your own peril.  Squi. 
Surely Mr. Raven, you were mistaken; this is no wench.  Exit. 2 Bla. 
Baffled and hurt! we may revenge it sir.  The. 
Ye properties of men, made up of rags  
And outside only, shoot your threats at those  
That fear the bubbles. Think not here to triumph  
As o'er your easy gulls, that must redeem  
Their safeties from the danger of your furies,  
By battering down with th' engine of their purse  
Some sconce your drunken valour in a tavern  
Hath built with sack.  3 Bla. 
So sir.  The. 
Be gone, for fear you urge me  
To more impatience: Yet my charity  
Affords ye this good counsel. The world's full  
Of brave employments for men capable.  
You've persons, but want minds for actions  
That might ennoble ye. Honour attends  
On war; ye only call yourselves by names  
Of Captains and Lieutenants here where peace  
Is most secure, but when your drunken quarrels  
Disturb her. Go to th'wars, and save the City  
The chargeable repairing of their prisons.  1 Bla. 
we'll think upon your satire.  3 Bla. 
Take the scabbard too. My belt I'll pawn for a scarf to hang my arm in, that the not wearing of a sword may have pretence; till whose recovery I am degraded from a Blade to a Battoon. Exeunt the Blades.  Bri. 
How lovely shows this valour? That in men  
There should be so much difference.  The. 
Why so sad Coz? What think you on?  Rav. 
I was contriving mischief.  The. 
Mischief! 'gainst whom?  Rav. 
I shall betray myself.  
A merry harmless mischief; whose relation  
Shall make the Ice of melancholic spleens  
Dissolve with laughter. 'Tis a pretty plot  
Upon those roarers.  The. 
Pray impart it then.  Rav. 
There is a passage in't unperfect yet  
How apt is guilt to be its own discoverer?  
I almost had spoiled all.  The. 
I do begin weighing the circumstance  
To be possessed  
With a suspect of his sincerity.  
he's surely treacherous; and perhaps occasioned  
The late attempt upon me, so to have  
Removed the bar he fears might shut him out  
From an inheritance I never coveted.  
I must not be too credulous. What's the reason  
You are so cloudy x? In your eyes  
methinks I read sad thoughts; your merry mischief  
Promised more lightsomness.  Rav. 
I cannot yet  
Fancy a good conclusion; it hath passages  
That would beget a neat one. Are you x  
Resolved on your return? or will you practise  
As I advised?  The. 
Doth that concern your plot?  Rav. 
I mind no plots; my mind is only busy  
To make you safe.  The. 
Safe! which way mean you x?  Rav. 
Pray wrest it not. Suppose those baffled roarers  
Should in revenge waylay you: they are mischievous;  
And if you should miscarry—  The. 
No great matter:  
There were an end of misery. You need not  
Be much solicitous to prevent my danger;  
Since on my death depends the assurance  
Of an estate to you. When you enjoy it,  
If my cold ashes might be capable  
Of such expressions, they should dance for joy  
Fortune had so rewarded you, that merit  
Above her flattery: which she but practised  
When I was interposed by greater accident  
Than ever yet made learned error give her  
The profane attributes of a deity.  Rav. 
He surely doth suspect me.  The. 
Had I fallen  
(As ten to one I might, had not the cause  
Given me the greater odds.) Had you contrived it—  Rav. 
How's that! your jealousy is an unkindness  
My love deserves not.  The. 
I hope you are not guilty,  
That catch th' uncertain meaning of my words  
ere they are perfected; and preinterpret  
Thoughts that had never being! I may then  
Justly have doubts. For innocence unmoved  
At a false accusation, doth the more  
Confirm itself; and guilt is best discovered  
By its own fears.  Rav. 
Pray fancy what you please  
To strengthen your suspicion: 'tis indeed  
So weakly grounded, that unless you prop it  
With better circumstances, your own shame  
Shall ruin it, and justify my truth.  
I must out faced.  The. 
Your own impatience  
May serve for one. This house you sent us to  
For aught I know a Brothel. You are noted  
For one that surfeits in the pleasant sin:  
And he that without scruple dares pursue it,  
Dares without scruple do or be consenting  
To any mischief from whose execution  
The means may be derived that will maintain  
His lust and riot.  Rav. 
'Tis not well that you  
Digress from your first plea to this foul satire.  
You should not tax my life, since it hath done you  
Those offices deserve (besides your thanks)  
Your most indulgence to my greatest faults  
Nor doth it show of noble nature in you  
To credit infamy from a report,  
Until confirmed by knowledge. Howsoever  
You have declared yourself in your suspicion;  
And hence forth I desist: my practises  
Have been so fruitless. One I had contrived  
To Crown th' expression of my zealous care  
In your affairs. You might have used my love  
To better ends.  Bri. 
Pray sir continue it,  
And reconcile your passions, he shall be  
No more in such an error, to mistake  
The aim of your intentions. From my warrant  
He shall again be settled in's opinion  
Of your fidelity, not to be altered  
By after accidents.  Rav. 
When once suspected,  
Can I presume that any undertaking  
Will be received well?  Bri. 
Prithee sweet remove  
Th' ill grounded jealousy and hear him. he'll  
Propose what may be useful.  Rav. 
I shall never  
But fear hereafter all my actions  
Will not be fairly construed.  The. 
It must be  
By that fear only. x I ne'er brought  
My doubts to such a positive conclusion,  
But that they might be changed to better truth  
By your least satisfaction. If you have  
Designed aught for our good, and that my judgement  
Gives it allowance, no suspicion shall  
Hinder the execution.  Rav. 
Might I be  
Confirmed no misinterpretation should  
Wrest the intent.  The. 
I am not capable  
Of a new doubt, unless your doubts beget it.  
Then pray impart your counsel.  Rav. 
Thus it is.  
I have a little country house near Epping;  
Thither I would convey you. You may there  
Conceal yourself some time; In which I'll practise  
A reconciliation with their loves  
By all the means that my invention  
Can work. Nor think I have sinister ends;  
But fair, as ever perfect friendship made  
Glorious in the success.  Bri. 
Prithee consent  
To this fair motion.  The. 
x to express  
How far I am from fear of any treachery  
You might be guilty of; what you advise to  
Shall be put into instant act. This key  
Will lead you where my husbandry hath stored  
Something from honest gain, without least wronging  
The old man's trust; I pray convey it hither  
Where we'll expect you.  Rav. 
Please you to command  
My store; what I am Master of is yours.  
I shall gain time to plot; my sudden policies  
Wanted a right foundation.  within. 
They are here an't please your worship.  Bri. 
We are anew betrayed.  Rav. 
Mischief forbid it.  Within. 
You shall have justice fear it not.  Within. 
You may take my warrant gentlemen.   

The second Scene.  To them the Blades, justice Ferret, Mrs. Ferret, and Raven. Rav. 
The Justice! then all's marred.  Fer. 
What Mr. Bridegroom?  M. Fe. 
And Mistress Bride! send you joy.  Fer. 
Are you the—  Mrs. Fer. 
Let me speak sir parrot; must you be repeating your session's lecture, and I in place?  Squi. 
The Justice knows them. Best shift for yourselves lest you be found the most delinquents, and forced from your bower of pleasure here to peep through a grate or taste the charity of Bridewell. Exeunt Blades.  M. Fe. 
You are complained of by these—  Fer. 
Ha! whether are they gone that accused you?  The. 
Without their accusation I submit  
myself to th' law. And if you have direction  
To use your power, let it acquit this gentlewoman  
From the ensuing scandal, I'll be patient  
With any punishment the just revenge  
Of those I have so wronged can lay upon me.  M. Fe. 
Is she not your wife?  The. 
Heaven hath forbid it, and my penitence  
Restores her back.  Bri. 
It shall not by my hopes  
Of comfort in thy love. If your commission  
Be for our apprehension.—  M. Fe. 
Truly Mistress Bride I should be glad to apprehend you in bed together: 'twas expected all had been cock sure by this. 'Twas but a plot of your old foster father to pretend marrying her himself when he meant her only for you.  Rav. 
They will discover all; curse on the accident  
That brought them hither.  M. Fe. 
To express it more fully, and how dear you are to him, he hath conferred his whole estate upon you. My Worshipful husband's hand is to the writing.  Fer. 
It is indeed sir.  M. Fe. 
Is it so sir? as if my word were not sufficient!  Rav. 
Hear them attentively, and then your care.  The. 
I do hear words that must be scanned and construed.  Fer. 
He appointed that gentleman to find you out.  The. 
Amazement hath possessed me wholly.  Rav. 
Although my person came before you, sir,  
You were the first deliverer of this joy,  
Which I concealed for reasons: but desire  
I now may finish all in private:  M. Fer. 
Talk your fill sir, whilst I drink mine. drinks.  Rav. 
x I know you wonder at the strangeness  
Of all: for which take this brief satisfaction.  
You are betrayed to receive punishment,  
For what you rather do deserve a Crown.  
This Justice and myself had the instructions  
All's nothing but a plot to get you back.  The. 
Why then would you pretending love conceal it?  
And mock my fears with such diversity  
Of dangerous accidents, you brought upon them?  Rav. 
Alas had I revealed the circumstance  
Of his professed love; feigned intentions  
And the smooth traps were laid to catch you in,  
I know your nature of such easy temper,  
You rather would have flattered yourself  
Into belief of them, than your own danger.  
'Twas my prevention.  The. 
How I shall determine,  
And reconcile these differences to truth  
Is hard. Be firm my resolution:  
I will be satisfied, and yet prevent  
The danger that is her. My x Raven  
Is certainly a villain. You have been sir  
The comfortable messenger of pardon  
That ere engaged a man; and if you please  
To be the instrument of farther good,  
You'll find us grateful.  M. Fe. 
Command both me and mine husband.  The. 
Pray take this gentlewoman to your care,  
Whilst I go back to make acknowledgement  
Of the great benefits are done me.  Bri. 
I will along with thee likewise.  Rav. 
By no means  
Let him be satisfied of all that's past  
Which I'll instruct him how without his danger,  
Whilst you are absent.  The. 
Shall she be your charge?  Fer. 
She shall go to our house.  M. Fe. 
And welcome with my husband's good liking. To your house? as if the entertainment of constables on a sharing day were not chargeable enough, but you must compliment away wine and sweet meats. 'Tis enough that we wish them well; let others do them good.  Fer 
Sweet wife be patient; I have found out another way.  Rav. 
Observe me sir, I will discover more.  
D'you think 'tis fit my x go alone sir?  
Suppose those baffled roarers (whom he did  
Justly correct) waylay him; may there not  
Be danger in't?  Fer. 
You say well sir. Standish and Dash my Clerks shall along with him. Or what think you of my neighbour Catch the Marshals man? the sight of him would fright them.  Rav. 
Do you mark that sir he would have you guarded.  
Would you were off: I'll tell you more by th' way.  
I'll along with you x, so I may  
Borrow a weapon.  Squi. 
You may have one of these.  The. 
Let's on; I will return to our full joys;  
I go but to prepare them. And find out  
The meaning of these riddles.  Bri. 
My prayers go with thee. Exit.  Rav. 
By this, what I intend shall be conferred  
Upon those roarers, that will carry circumstance  
To make it credited, and quit me wholly  
Of all suspect. In mischief there's content,  
When we on others lay the punishment. Exit.  Fer. 
Come Mistress Bride, we will walk and see some rarities and antiquities till they return. There is one in the neighbourhood is stored with them; as if he had translated the Capital hither.  M. Fe. 
The motion's good: it should have been mine sir. You shall see the feathers of a Phoenix; the beak of a Pelican, and the skins of birds, beasts and fishes, stuffed with hay, enough to bring down the marker. For coins and medals he hath those with inscriptions that speak their date 500 years before the use of letters. He hath the fingers and toes of a Colossus, and three hairs of a giant's upper lip, each of them as big as a bull rush. Then he hath the the members of a pygmy, that cannot be discerned but through a multiplying glass. Yet it is thought he would gladly part with all he hath for the Philosophers stone; I or the Unicorns horn at Windsor.  Fer. 
Come come, he hath those things a prince might glory to be owner of, and 'tis bravely done of him to affect them.  Bri. 
Such sights will be delightful. I must strive  
In what I may my sad thoughts to withstand;  
Which do presage some mischief's near at hand. Exit.  Squi. 
You're welcome with a mischief to the occasion that brought you hither. Here hath been attendance for a quart of wine and that not paid for. Some better customers, or I shall crack without credit. My Blades baffled too! Their loss must be repaired upon the next advantage.   

The third Scene.  To him Kickshaw like a Gentleman. 
You are welcome sir.  Kick. 
Pray take a me cloak: me back be so hot, will burn a hole in it.  Squi. 
Would you have a cooler sir?  Kick. 
You understand for bien: de vench, de wench.  Squi. 
Excuse moy pour cela.  Kick. 
Parle Francois Monsieur?  Squi. 
Non intendo.  Kick. 
You fall intand dat me be de French gentleman; dat me have two tree crown in me pocket and the vuld have a de vine and de vench, and be merry in de chamber.  Squi. 
I'll send one to you sir. Exit.  Kick. 
Remercy Monsieur. Voe call a me Cook now! de greasy Larone! True; me make de Franch dish for de Lor: he give me two tree piece; me steal two tree piece of plate more, dat buy de for, de hat an de feder; and Monsieur be so good a gentleman as—   

The fourth Scene.  To him the Blades, first one, then the rest and afterwards the Wenches. 1 Bla. 
Who sit? Drawer brings in wine and Exit.  Kick. 
Me have noting to say to you  1 Bla. 
I had thought you had sent for me.  Kick. 
You be no vench Monsieur.  1 Bla. 
Would you have me to procure you one?  Kick. 
Me give you de vine and you fetch a de vench.  1 Bla. 
Do you take a Blade for a pander?  Kick. 
You no quarrel vid me?  1 Bla. 
Yes and piss upon your back canopy, that shadows your half roasted kidneys if you dishonour a Blade with the least suspicion. Yet in a fair way I care not to exchange a glass or two.  Kick. 
Vid all mine art. But pray Monsieur be you no so hot in de mout.  1 Bla. 
Do you disparage my Tobacco? I assure you sir it is right Spanish.  Kick. 
Me can no endure de Spanish.  1 Bla. 
Not your Blade? why your French temper will not bear an edge to chop rotten litter for mortar.  Kick. 
You speak not like a gentleman dat love not to be a all mode.  1 Bla. 
Pox on your mode  Kick. 
Dat be no good word Monsieur.  1 Bla. 
Doth it touch you sir? why 'tis your credit to be marked by that French Herald for a gentleman of fashion.  Kick. 
Me can be no more patient. Me cut in two tree thousand piece for dishonour the French gentleman.  2 Bla. 
Will you so sir? we are for you. As he offers to draw, the Blades come in and bind him.  Kick. 
Oh de base coward.  3 Bla. 
We shall be valiant enough to over come your metal.  Kick. 
Help help; de thieves rob me. Picks his Pocket.  1 Bla. 
No no Monsieur, you shall have a vench for your money, when you have entered into bonds for your good behaviour.  Kick. 
De gran English pock on you all. Vat you do vid me?  1 Bla. 
Work a cure (if we can) on the itch in your blood, that hath infected many of our wenches, and made them dangerous to us.  Kick. 
Oh diable! que faite vous?  2 Bla. 
He speaks ends out of a puppet play.  Kick. 
Help help; de thieves kill me beat me.  1 Bla. 
Peace Monsieur; you shall have a wench presently.  
Wine, Music, and whilst you in dalliance, meet  
we'll tread a measure with our nimble feet  
Shall tempt you to be sportive, if desire  
Want whetting and renew the active fire.  
Come wenches. Monsieur there's a she for you.  
Your meat is paid for; if you lik't fall to.  Having taken away his money, sword and belt they sing and dance about him, whilst an ill-favoured greasy wench offers sometimes to kiss him. Kick. 
Oh fie fee. De thief, rogue poison me vid de stinking Mackerel.  1 Bla. 
Let's leave him now t'his patience, and go share.  
And when you want a wench to cool you Monsieur,  
You know where's those can take your courage down sir. Exeunt  Kick. 
Oh de villain, de Laroone! my for an my money; and de slut leave a varse stink behind her den de Fransh Cook kishin stuff   

The fifth Scene.  To him Squirrel. 
Oh Monsieur help me. Me go to de Constable, and de beadle sall vip for dis.  Squirrel unbinds him. Squi. 
What's here? how came you bound? Not for any good behaviour.  Kick. 
De thieves kill me and rob me. Fetch a me cloak, me go to de Justice and his clerk. Fetch a me cloak I say.  Squi. 
Presently sir. But now I have released you, who shall pay the reckoning? 'tis five shillings you and your company have had in wine.  Kick. 
Oh Diable! me no drink vine: De thief leave me no vine penny.  Squi. 
Your cloak then shall be your surety: it shall be forth coming when you please to release it.  Kick. 
I say vill have a me cloak.  Squi. 
Not till you have paid the reckoning. I am not to take notice of all men's behaviour; if you admit of company and they abuse you, you must suffer for it. I mean not sir to be overreached with any of your French cheats.  Kick. 
Is English cheat to send me no vench— but my cloak.  Squi. 
Not without the reckoning.  Kick. 
Me must den walk in cuerpo.  Squi. 
A fashion of your own, and apt to be followed upon the like occasion.  Kick. 
Me sall fetch de Magistrate. Exit.  Squi. 
Even whom you please. My correspondence with these Blades and wenches helps me and themselves to many such purchases; yet still my house is honest. Though many will say,  

No matter how so they have coming in,  
And sin thrives best that is maintained by sin. Exit.     

The fourth Act.  

The first Scene.  Maligo and Rhenish meeting Horten. Mal. 
It should be he by the description was made of him.  Rhe. 
Let us salute him then. If your name be Horten sir?  Hor. 
I own no other.  Mal. 
We are commended to you by some friends of yours, that request for us your leave to see rarities and antiquities you have, and for which you are so much spoken of abroad in the world.  Hort. 
The world I do believe speaks grossly of me;  
And calls my curiosity in reposing  
Such things, a prodigal vainess being one  
That lives by my endeavours: have no state  
But what my labour purchaseth.  Mal. 
May we have leave to walk to your house?  Hor. 
And command  
The sight of all. I must confess my care  
Of knowing and possessing rarities  
Makes me so skilful, I dare undertake  
To pick a salad out of Dioscorides,  
Shall feast the doctor's college, with rare practises  
Stranger than Aeson's restitution  
To youth by Magic. From my garden sir  
I can produce those simples, shall outwork  
All the compounds of drugs, and show like miracles  
Compared with them. What needs the weapon salve,  
Condemned by some for witchcraft? when each dunghill  
Affords the Persicaria, that on wounds  
Works the like Magic. Panax Coloni  
Is known to every rustic; and Hypericon.  
And yet we must from Memphis and judea  
Fetch Balsam, though sophisticate; there is not  
An ounce in Europe, will endure the trial  
Of milk or water. Yet my Lady's gentlewoman  
Bit by her Monkey, swears by her lost maidenhead  
The world hath not a Balsam like to that  
Her closet yields; when 'tis perhaps but oil  
A little aromatised for lamps.  Rhe. 
You are learned likewise in antiquities.  Hor. 
A little sir.  
I should affect them more, were not tradition  
One of the best assurances to show  
They are the things we think them. What more proofs  
(Unless perhaps a little circumstance)  
Have we for this or that to be a piece  
Of delphos ruins? or the marble statues  
Made Athens glorious, when she was supposed  
To have more images of men than men?  
A weatherbeaten stone with an inscription  
That is not legible but through an optic,  
Tells us its age; that in some sibyl's cane  
Three thousand years ago it was an altar.  
'Tis satisfaction to our curiosity;  
But ought not to necessitate belief.  Mal. 
Antiquities fir are grown of late good merchandise.  Hor. 
Th' affection of some Princes hath begot  
An imitation, and 'tis nobly done.  
For by such things man's knowledge is informed  
In principles of art, and many times  
They light upon instruction by them, that  
Direct invention to recover what  
Neglect or ignorance hath lost.  Rhe. 
Pray sir what are the rarities and antiquities you have?  Hor. 
Nor Pliny fir, nor Gesner ever made  
Description of a creature, but I have  
Some particle thereof: and for antiquity  
I do not store up any under Grecian.  
Your Roman antiques are but modern toys  
Compared to them. Besides, they are so counterfeit  
With mouldings, 'tis scarce possible to find  
Any but copies.  Mal. 
Yet you are confident of yours that are of more doubt.  Hor. 
Others from their easiness  
May credit what they please. My trial's such  
Of any thing I own, all the impostors  
That ever made antiquity ridiculous  
Cannot deceive me. If I light upon  
Ought that's above my skill, I have recourse  
To those whose judgements at the second view  
(If not the first) will tell me what Philosophers  
That eyeless, noseless, mouthless statue is,  
And who the workman was, though since his death  
Thousands of years have been revolved—   

The second Scene.  To them Justice Ferret, Mrs. Ferret and Bride. Fer. 
A good evening to you neighbour Horten.  Hor. 
And to your worship.  M. Fe. 
My husband will still be before me, to prevent the amen of a shrew. Fer. and Hort. whisper.  Mal. 
You are happily met Mistress Bride.  Rhe. 
But 'tis my sudden wonder what accident should guide her this way.  M. Fe. 
These gentlemen are witnesses to the old man's deeds, as well as my worshipful husband  Bri. 
The fortune of this day hath led me through  
Events both strange and dangerous. I hope  
As you are Gentlemen that you will make  
A fair construction of me, though the vulgar  
Borrow discourse and pastime from my act.  Mal. 
You are a brave woman. Yet had I opportunity—  Rhe. 
She is sure a light heeled wench, and if—  Hor. 
With all my heart and welcome.  M. Fe. 
Are you making motions now, before I can recover breath to begin my exordium as my son at the University taught me to say. Neighbour Horten 'tis thus. myself and my husband have this day been eyewitnesses of strange accidents; chance upon chance, and fortune upon fortune: one disaster hath been the cause and cure of another. Now we desire the favour that we may see your trinkets, knacks and knaveries (pardon me neighbour I mean no hurt) to delight this melancholic gentlewoman that hath found and lost, and lost and found a husband yet no husband—  Hort 
You shall command me: but she chiefly.  M. Fe. 
And shall we see all?  Hort. 
All I assure you.  M. Fe. 
The great Sea horse what you call that cures women of the cramp.  Mal. 
What a wanton tempting eye she hath?  Rhe. 
I will attempt her.  Hor. 
A handsome lass. I must have her home and give her a philtre.   

The third Scene.  To them Kickshaw. Kick. 
Vich be de Justice?  M. Fe. 
What justice sir?  Kick. 
Justice vat you call run up and down de coney hole.  M. Fe. 
My husband's name is Ferret: what's your business sir?  Kick. 
De he thief and de she thief rob me at vat you call de little nutcrack house? and he take a me cloak an me have no vare for my money.  Fer. 
I know the house he means; a place much suspected. But a few hours since there happened a dangerous up roar about this gentlewoman; and the delinquents came to complain first. But had they not conveyed themselves away, they should have been punished.  M. Fe. 
With what trow? a reproof or a jeer out of your table book notes, enlarged with a piece of a charge; then with a half bribe and single fees they are released to boast how cheap they have scaped. Come come you shall back to this house, and be severe, and wise and say little, let mine be the speaking part, yours the doing: I'll make them come off and on roundly. Do you think I can keep house with bare warrants and mittimuses?  Fer. 
Will you with us neighbour?  Hor. 
I desire to be excused.  M. Fer. 
By all means neighbour; you are an officer.  Hor. 
What shall become of this gentlewoman then?  M. Fe. 
Please these gentlemen to walk a turn or two with her? The evening's pleasant if the mist rise not.  Hor. 
I had rather I had her at home.  Both. 
We are her servants.  Kick. 
Is define vench.  M. Fe. 
We will along with you sir to this righteous—  Fer. 
Riotous you would say.  M. Fe. 
No sir 'tis riotous place; and my husband shall ferret the he thieves and the she thieves holes never fear it.  Hor. 
To have seen this wench and not to enjoy her, is such a Tantalising to me. Exeunt.  Kick. 
Me sall turn back again from you to dis fine vench. Me give her my doublet cost two tree pound for lie vid her two tree time. Oh fine vench! Exit.  Mal. 
'tis most opportune.  Rhen. 
Could I but remove him?  Mal. 
Please you to walk, and let my hand support you.  Rhe. 
Please her to be my charge. They strive which should lend Bride  Mal. 
I'll be your servant Lady.  Bri. 
What mean ye gentlemen?  Mal. 
To do you manly service.  Rhe. 
If you could sir.  Mal. 
How sir?  Bri. 
I am betrayed unto a new misfortune.  
There is a malice in the stars that guide me,  
Which yet seem wanton, as their influence  
Were but a sportive mockery to show  
The various fates that do depend upon it.  
I have had strange deliverance; but th' event  
Of this is full of horror. I pray gentlemen  
Do not make me the object for a quarrel.  
Your gravity should be judicious,  
And not mind trifles: such as youthful blood  
Heated with wine can no way be excused for.  Mal. 
He shall not touch you his belly is nothing but a tun full of red herring, and boyld water.  Rhe. 
And thou art a rotten herring Jack-a-Lent Spaniard.  Mal. 
A word in private. They go aside, and seem to threaten and challenge one another.  Rhen. 
What you dare sir.  Bri. 
A challenge sure. Some happy chance direct  
Aid to prevent a mischief: Kickshaw returns.  Kick. 
Me be your servant madam.  Bri. 
Would you would guide me to some house?  Kick. 
To de house of good fellowship, or de nax dish.  
Here be de fine moral.  
Viles Dutch and Spanish make a fray  
De Frenchman bear de prize a way. Exit. with Bride.  Mal. 
You'll meet me then?  Rhe. 
I will not fail you.  Mal. 
But where's the gentlewoman? where hath the mist concealed you?  Rhe. 
We have differed finely about a woman in a cloud.  Mal. 
We must not so lose her.   

The fourth Scene  To them Theophilus and Raven. Rhe. 
Saw you a gentlewoman sir?  Mal. 
Her sweet heart! let us avoid him lest we be discovered.  Rhe. 
I'll home and be drunk, and then perhaps grow friends with you. Exeunt.  The. 
The Merchants? were they not?  Rav. 
Doubtless the same.  The. 
What Gentlewoman should that be they asked for?  Rav. 
Some Bonaroba they have been sporting with. Your outlandish merchants are notable barterers for such English ware Many of them keep their recreations at pension; and sometimes two copartners will share as even nightly.  The. 
That's strange; if love will brook no rivals, lust should Being the more raging passion.  Rav. 
'Tis common.  The. 
How common?  Rav. 
Wenching is like friendship hath all things common.  The. 
The mist is great: have we not lost our way?  
We might ere this have got to th' water's side  
Though we had trod a labyrinth. Raven draws and runs at Theophilus, and he turning back wounds Rav.  Rav. 
Over this stile and then  The. 
Ha! what devil moved thee to attempt it.  Rav. 
Pox on these French blades; no point!  
I have paid a debt to all my vain attempts  
With mine own ruin. Hell hath left me yet  
One means t' express my malice. In my death  
Die to all knowledge of thyself; the world  
Besides me owns it not- Falls and lies as if he were dead.  The. 
I cannot give  
Utterance unto my thoughts; the narrow passage  
Is choked up with a multitude, that strive  
Which should first issue forth. How fruitless envy  
Brings on its own destruction! Innocence  
Is proof 'gainst all the battery of malice:  
And he that's armed with't needs not fear t' encounter  
The most severe tribunal. Though I am  
Guiltless to heaven, yet I shall appear  
Foul to opinion wanting testimony;  
And th' act makes me the laws; I am no more  
The subject of my conscience, which by judgement  
Must be determined. Can I not prevent it?  
Flight may procure my safety. 'Twill bring on  
A greater danger, and cause supposition  
That I am guilty by the circumstance  
Of mine own fears.  Within. 
Help, help, a rape. Villain keep back.  The. 
Horrors on both sides round me.  
Hath my cross fortune found new instruments  
To draw more mischiefs on me! By the voice  
(A woman's weakly uttered, as if fainting  
Under some violence) 'tis near this hedge.  
I'll aid her, though my ruin lay in ambush  
With twenty murderers.   

The fifth Scene.  To them Bride pursued by Kickshaw. Bri. 
Out Villain:  
Would I could spit a leprosy upon thee.  
Help help. Kickshaw falls on his knees, and Bride holds back Theophilus  The. 
My dearest!  Kick. 
Oh pardon moy Monsieur.  The. 
Villain thy end's upon thee.  Bri. 
I being safe  
Prithee forbear him.  Kick. 
Is no fair play for give me de prick Monsieur.  The. 
How cam'st thou hither sweet?  Bri. 
Soon as my fears  
Have finished their effects of trembling,  
And that my breath's recovered, shalt know all.  The. 
Monsieur stir not; I have employment for you  
May win your pardon.  Kick. 
Vid all mine art; but mine art vill be in mine eel anon; is fallen already into me breeshes.  Bri. 
What object's this? Alas your x Raven  
Wounded or dead? what hand hath done it?  The. 
This;  
Justice made this her instrument. He was  
A villain to me, and betrayed my life  
To all those dangers which I overcame  
By th' cause's strength. And lastly his intents  
To murder me, have brought upon himself  
This punishment as due.  Bri. 
Why dost not fly then?  
I'll bear thee company in all adversities.  
Thy person being safe time may effect  
A pardon by some composition.  
If thou be ta'en, thou meet'st thy certain end  
Mingled with shame; and mine hath the same date:  
I'll not out live thee.  The. 
Did you bid me fly  
To shun the end's before me? sure there's difference  
Twixt meritorious acts, and acts of shame.  
I was but justice executioner.  
His crime deserved death, and he had fair trial  
By evidence: see here this pointless weapon;  
If providence had not ordained it so.  
As he so I had fallen; but innocent.  
Should I then fly? and by my fears beget  
A worse suspicion? No: I'll meet th' event.  
And though I now were circled with the terrors  
Of racks and tortures; gibbets; executioners;  
And all the palsying apprehensions  
That ever made a malefactor tremble,  
Armed as I am, I would encounter all  
With a fixed confidence. Just causes never  
Did yet miscarry; or if any have  
'Twas to the greater glory of the cause.  
And Monsieur 'tis your imposition  
To watch this corpse, and give to passengers  
What answers you have wit or language for.  Bri. 
Wilt thou not fly then? prithee do not rashly  
Play away safety.  The. 
If I fly, and so  
Provide for't, will you with me?  Bri. 
Even to death,  
In that 'shalt find me resolute. I'll vy  
Against thy courage with my constancy.  The. 
Let's go then Exeunt.  Kick. 
Me be glad you be gone, for me will no stay long vid de dead man. If de live jentelvmanly so— but me sall see vat you have in your pocket. Kickshaw searching raven's pocket he stirs.  Rav. 
o? a surgeon.  Kick. 
De man be no dead: but me sall make you dead rader den go vidout your money. Kick. offers to take the sword from Raven and he riseth.  Rav. 
What wilt thou villain?  
'Tis time then to leave off counterfeiting  Kick. 
Dis be de gentleman hire me to work at de wedding; but he no know me, and day be sure de gentleman and de jenteluman dat run avay together.  Rav. 
I'm wounded, but I hope not mortally;  
I have no feeling of those accidents  
Are deaths forerunners. Would I had a surgeon.  
If I survive, I will convert this mischief  
Into a benefit; and by his flight  
Possess myself as well of what I cover,  
As by his death. Sir you can witness for me  
How and by whom I did receive this wound.  
Although you know him not, make a description.  Kick. 
Pardon me Monsieur; me no see him do it.  Rav. 
You must dispense with scruple  
If you will serve my purposes a little,  
I can and will be thankful; otherwise  
whate'er you are I can betray your life  
For your intent of rape.  Kick. 
Me be your servant Monsieur. Me do any ting; swear any ting; go to de devil along vid you rader den be hang.  Rav. 
Go with me to a surgeon.   

The sixth Scene.  To them Goodlove with three or four servants. Good. 
We need make greater haste; 'tis almost night;  
The mist is risen much.  Rav. 
My Uncle's voice. Help a surgeon: assist me now.  Good. 
Look about knaves: I have heard that voice.  1 Ser. 
Here sir a man wounded.  2 Ser. 
'Tis Master Raven.  Good. 
My x Raven? what misfortune brought  
This ill upon him? hold that gentleman.  Kick. 
Me no do it Monsieur: he be de young gentleman in black, an de jenteluman.  Good. 
What gentleman in black? Theophilus?  Rav. 
My x sir? alas; there's so much goodness  
In him, I must not think he could be tempted  
To wear such guilt about him. Good sir have me  
Unto a surgeon; and that gentleman  
Shall give you satisfaction, ere you give  
Him a release.  Kick. 
Now me sall be discover, and hang for thief.  1 Ser. 
we 'I carry him to one Hortens house, and fetch a surgeon thither: 'tis close by.  Good. 
One call my friend justice Ferret; and post you over to Mistress Bride's father: his presence at the examination of these circumstances will be needful. Till truth satisfies my desires I am in torment.  Rav. 
I have a new design.  Good. 
And till I see  
Theophilus.  Rav. 
Which I hope ne'er will be.  Exeunt.   

The fifth Act.  

The first Scene.  Goodlove, Ferret, Mrs. Ferret, and Horten. Good. 
Sir we are troublesome: the accident  
Hath made a subject for your charity  
As well as for your art; and neither shall  
Be unrewarded. But may I presume  
he'll need no other surgeon?  Hor. 
Doubt it not sir.  
The wound's but slight; were it more dangerous,  
The simples that I have applied would cure it  
According to the first intention  
As surgeons call it.  M. Fer. 
Truly sir my neighbour is very skilful; he cured my little shock of the mange so perfectly, that it hath famed him through the neighbourhood for an excellent dog-leech.  Hor. 
I owe much to your commendation Mrs Ferret.  M. Fe. 
Truly neighbour 'tis not so much worth.  Good. 
I dare be sworn it is not.  
I dare not with much confidence rely  
Upon this man's endeavours. Would I had  
A surgeon here, whose judgement and experience  
Might give me further satisfaction.  
Is the French gentleman disposed of safely?  Hor. 
I have confined him to a chamber sir,  
A too delightful prison. He may feast  
His eyes with rarities.  Good. 
I think you are  
Owner of more than all the town besides.  Hor. 
'Tis my affected riches.  Good. 
I have some  
You shall command sir.  Hor. 
I'll have gratitude,  
And something to exchange. This accident  
May bring me in a purchase:  M. Fe. 
Pray neighbour let's see the late giants boot, and the dwarfs shoe.  Good. 
Pretty extremes no doubt.  M. Fe. 
Extremes sir! methinks their differences should make a very good mean. Suppose the one was a great drinker or wencher; the other must needs be a little one. What the one wasted in boots the other saves in shoes. But I'll in to the wounded gentleman, and help to talk away his pain.  Hor. 
By no means: sleep would give him more ease, and prevent a distraction; which he seems to occasion some fear of by his often digressions and interruptions of discourse.  Good. 
Indeed sir I am troubled when I weigh  
The accident and circumstances of it.  
Nor can we urge him to give satisfaction  
With any positive truth, but all his answers  
Are careless and imperfect; many times  
The second contradicts the first: and then  
he'll name Theophilus, as if he were  
The mischief's worker. But of all kind friends  
Your strange relations have begot most wonder.  
The roarers, and Theophilus brave act;  
My cousins not revealing my intents;  
The maid left with the Merchants, and the Monsieurs  
Stealing away, then found with my hurt kinsman,  
What to conclude from these—   

The second Scene.  To them a Servant hastily. Hor. 
The news! what means your haste?  Ser. 
A lass sir you are robbed.  Hor. 
How's that?  Ser. 
The French gallant sir which you locked in the chamber, is run away with your Remoras and torpedo's skins; and we know not what besides.  Hor. 
Pursue him. I'd not lose those rarities  
For half my state. Alas sir they are valuable  
'Bove any thing I own besides.  M. Fe. 
Hath Monsieur given you the slip as he gave us? He may chance be catched in a halter for it.  Good. 
Be patient sir, and with your best endeavour  
Restore my x to his former safety,  
I'll recompense your loss with things more valuable.  
I have large trees of coral, and Zibetas  
Both of strange form and colour; I expect  
Some living Ermines.  Hor. 
Would I had them, they  
Should pacify me quickly,  Good. 
Sure that french man  
Is guilty of the fact: why should he fly else?  
If by your servants industry that Monsieur  
May be brought back again, 'twill be of consequence.  
Something perhaps may be concluded from  
A strict examination of him.  Hor. 
I'll employ all the servants I have about it.  M. Fe. 
They shall have my husband's authority with them; we'll make you a warrant. Exeunt. Good. rema.  Good. 
How various are th' events that may depend  
Upon one action, yet the end proposed  
Not follow the intention! Accidents  
Will interpose themselves; like those rash men  
That thrust into a throng occasioned  
By some tumultuous difference, where perhaps  
Their busy curiosity begets  
New quarrels with new issues. I go on  
From one consideration to another,  
Yet can determine nothing.   

The third Scene.  To him Father, Mother and Servant. Your arrival Will be of use fir. Fat. 
Else my pains were fruitless.  
Chance brought us hither, for what ends I know not.  
But understanding you were here, I come  
To ask a daughter from you.  Good. 
I from you  
Must have a wounded reputation cured,  
It bleeds worse than my kinsman, whom your son  
And daughter are by circumstance suspected  
To have attempted.  Fat. 
My son said you sir?  
I hear that son of mine must be your heir;  
And I have heard what plots and circumventions  
You used to catch me: so you have sir finely.  
My states mine own still, though my daughter's lost.  Good. 
And pray sir keep it; doubt not but 'twill find  
Some grateful heir, that will preserve the memory  
Of such a benefit, with witty libels  
Upon your glorious life.  Fat. 
Your scorn is well sir;  
And well becomes that supercilious gravity,  
Hath awed the city long, and frighted Rats  
Into the Counter.  Good. 
You are very free sir.  
Yet these are not the City's liberties.  
Stand not too much upon your privilege.  
If you can give fair satisfaction  
For what concerns you, do; and let not passion  
Kindle a new flame. I am calm; have quenched  
My spleen that late was fired.  Fat. 
I acknowledge  
I hear your kinsman's wounded, and there is  
A supposition by my daughter's sweet heart.  
But how far this concerns me, be yourself  
The judge. Sir I have suffered in my fame already  
Too much, to have more added by suspicion  
Of being accessary to an act  
Of such vile nature; and yourself may sooner  
Prove guilty, if the circumstance be weighed  
You have made him your heir.  Good. 
My intention  
Had done it; neither did it want the form  
Of law for confirmation: but 'twas when  
I was too partial in affection: now  
I am resolved to satisfy that error  
With severe justice.  Fat. 
You'll revoke your act!  Good. 
Hands stained with blood shall never have the power  
To make a distribution of that wealth  
Heaven hath blessed my fair endeavours with.  
Should he be proved a murderer (for though  
My x die not, his intent was such)  
Revenge would wait on all his actions;  
And even his charity when he gave alms  
Would to his conscience so present the fact  
In bloody characters, that his best deeds  
Would lose their merit.  Fat. 
I am hard put to it.  
But sir suppose your kinsman did attempt  
Some practice upon him; there's circumstance  
To make it probable. Suppose your x  
Repining at it that you should prefer  
Adoption before natural succession,  
Assaulted him first to remove him, who  
Defending so himself made the act lawful.  Good. 
From your suppose I raise a supposition,  
That he to clear himself of after troubles  
Which might arise by any kinsman's claim,  
Attempted this prevention by some others  
If not himself: which yet we cannot urge  
My kinsman to discover.  Fat. 
There are plots  
In these proceedings. Might I sir be witness  
To an examination of your kinsman?  
The knowledge of the truth is of some consequence  
And doth concern us.  Good. 
If he may endure  
Discourse without his danger.   

The fourth Scene  To them Servant, Plaster, and then Ferret, Mrs. Ferret, and Horten. Serv. 
Her's Mr. Plaster, the learned Surgeon, that speaks nothing but Latin, because either he would not be understood, or not contradicted.  Good. 
He is welcome.  Hor. 
There is no need sir of his trouble: the gentleman is past danger.  Plast. 
Are you a surgeon sir?  M. Fe. 
A simple one sir; one I mean that useth no compounds.  Plas. 
If you are rational as well as empirical, and that you practice secundum artem 'tis well.  Hor. 
I dare secure his safety.  
You may err sir. He hath a wound; and where there is continuitatis divortium, you must consider whether it came per contusionem, punctionem, or how; and whether a nerve, tendon, ligament or artery be in danger. The parts likewise whether it be in principalibus vel minus principalibus. Then the adjuncts; whether there be fractura or dislocatio; for these make it vulnus compositum. Then the accidents; whether there be inflammatio ochinos or—  Good. 
Pray sir what is that?  Plas. 
It is sir copiosa sanguines inter cutem diffusio; which many times causeth a dangerous apostema  Good. 
You have satisfied very well sir.  Plas 
Perhaps you have applied some Mountebanks medicine which you believe will cure secundum primam intentionem.  Good. 
Pray sir how is that?  Plas. 
That is sine suppuratione vel cicatrice. We that work according to art begin with alteration substantiae in pus: for ex corruptione unius fit generatio alterius. And then—  Good. 
You have said enough sir more than we understand.  
Pray sir give him leave to see my x and his wound: his judgement being a professor may confirm us.   

The fifth Scene.  To them Raven. Hor. 
He is here sir.  Rav. 
The Bride's Father and a surgeon! what new device is towards? Fat. and Serv. whisper.  Hor. 
I'll apply but one Emplastrum consolidans more: I think that's a term of art. Exit. Ser.  Plas. 
I come not to be jeered.  Good. 
To be rewarded; accept of this sir. gives him money.  Plas. 
My thankfulness. This is more than my practice would have deserved; for to say truth though I can out face it with talking, though I am neither parson nor vicar yet my cures serve to maintain sextons.  
I take my leave sir. Exit.  Hor. 
The wound was very slight sir.  M. Fe. 
Indeed Mr. Raven you escaped a scouring in your belly: if you had miscarried, the Monsieur for all the separation betwixt his doublet and breeches should have trust for't, but that he is run away.  Rav 
Escaped I'm glad of that: it shall be useful.  Good. 
Being past danger x, we would gladly  
Be satisfied who 'twas that did attempt  
This mischief on you: you have hitherto  
Seemed as unwilling he should be discovered.  
If 'twere Theophilus, all diligence  
Shall be employed to find him, that he may  
Pay law her due: his flight makes it suspicious.  Rav. 
Good sir forbear that trouble.  
If he be fled with his fair Mistress, 'tis  
A discreet policy to shun the danger,  
Her parents anger might bring on him. 'Twas  
The French man wounded me.  Good. 
On what occasion?  Rav. 
None sir that I know: I provoked him not;  
Unless he meant to rob me.  Fat. 
Will you sir  
Justify this on oath? Father's Servant returns.  Rav. 
Were there necessity:  
'Tis otherwise sufficient I have said it.  Fat. 
Bring in the Monsieur.  Hor. 
How sir! is he taken!  Fat. 
Yes sir; with many trinkets that were yours.  Hor. 
I am restored to my first state.  Fat. 
We met him:  
And for some reason you shall know anon  
Brought him back with us.  Rav. 
I am still discovered.   

The sixth Scene.  To them Kickshaw. Fat. 
'Tis needful sir this man should be committed;  
That being accused he may be soon produced  
Upon occasion.  Kick. 
Me have no for to kill de man: de teeves have mine, True; me take de jenteluman from de dutchman and de Spaniard: me offer too to kiss de jenteluman; an de young gentleman in black dat hurt de man, almost kill me but dat me beg pardon.  Rav. 
I have lighted upon it.  
Unto you all I do submit myself,  
And what I shall discover. I confess  
I may seem not to merit a belief  
That have already feigned so many untruths:  
But the officiousness of them considered  
I hope you'll credit this. It was my x  
Theophilus, that hurt me: But I know not  
Whether 'twere chance or malice for this gentleman  
Attempting rape upon your daughter sir,  
I drew a pointless weapon I had got;  
My cousin's sudden apprehension  
Perhaps mad him suspect me: and not knowing  
I meant a rescue of the gentlewoman  
(Whose voice I heard, but could not through the mist  
Discern her person) made his rash hand wound me;  
Which for his sake I joy is not proved mortal,  
Nor will I hope.  Fat. 
I do believe all this  
For certain truth. But why should you accuse  
Another then?  Rav. 
I did presume this man  
Unknown to any here was fled, nor would  
Return to take a punishment: and being  
A stranger was not capable of shame.  
Now my concealing who the actor was  
Neither his danger nor disgrace would follow.  God. 
Nephew I do admire thy love to him  
So ill deserves it, and I now consider  
What an injustice my election was.  
Henceforth thou art mine heir. I will employ  
A numerous search to find him that he may  
Be punished for his fact.  Rav. 
By no means sir:  
Call him not back; my wound may yet have danger;  
And if he should return to pay his life  
For mine that's so unworthy—  Fat. 
But he shall  
To make you give the law a satisfaction  
For all your villainies. Come forth my son,  
For so he is sir.   

The last Scene.  To them Theophilus and Bride. Theo. 
Humbly thus I beg Theo. kneels  
Your pardon sir  Good. 
Pray ask your father blessing:  
You've got one now.  Fat. 
He hath sir, and shall keep him  
His fair desert won my conversion;  
And changed me from intents of punishing  
To an indulgent favourer. This hath been  
A villain to his life, and to his fortunes;  
Whetted by envy to such practises  
As merit death when you shall hear the passages.  
A man that's guilty; that from foul intents  
Proceeded to an act would fly for safety:  
Instead of which Theophilus repaired  
To me, that then was labouring with revenge,  
First offers restitution of my daughter;  
Then passing on from declaration  
To declaration, made so confident  
By his sweet innocence, he satisfied  
Mine anger, and gave peace unto my passions  
Nor was I patient to defer their joys  
(Which likewise are mine own but got them married  
This evening with a dispensation for it  
Before we came to you. Where by the way  
We met this Monsieur, and enforced him back:  
Whom straight his fears betrayed to a discovery  
Of what he was; no gentleman, but Kickshaw  
In's wenching clothes.  Ser. 
Monsieur Kickshaw ●…e want plate Monsieur.  Kick. 
Now me sall be hang again.  Hor. 
And I want Jewels Monsieur.  Kick. 
Jewels! me have noting but two tree babble. Pray vat be dis? pulls the things out of his pockets.  Hor. 
A babble call you it? This gentlemen is the horn of an Aethiopian rhinoceros.  Kick. 
An dis!  Hor. 
The talon of a Bird in terra australi incognita, which the inhabitants call their great god Ruc, that preys upon Elephants, and will not be gorged under two or three in a morning This stone of a strange form and colour was brought by the learned traveller of Odcombe from the great mogul.  M. Fe. 
How sir! One of the great mogul's stones,  Fat. 
Good sir forbear a little. Now he's mine  
I'll own him and the rather if you will  
Disclaim all interest in him. For your kinsman  
Some wise and powerful authority  
Must force truth from him.  M. Fe. 
My husband's authority sir is both wise and powerful  Rav. 
'Tis not in all my stock of cunning now  
To hold out longer. Shame will be the end  
Of all my undertakings.  Good. 
x your looks are strange, and seem as if  
They would betray your thoughts. If you have guilt,  
Let it not press your conscience with a weight  
Will sink it into horror.  Rav. 
I have much sir.  
Nor will there need another testimony  
For confirmation of what I shall utter.  
He that with grief doth publish his own shame,  
Speaks from truth's records.  Good. 
What may this preface mean?  Rav. 
You had a son, whose birth deprived his mother  
Of life; and what bestowed a joy upon you  
robbed you of one.  Good. 
Why dost review a grief  
Time had worn out? Indeed I had a son.  Rav. 
And have him still: enjoy him in Theophilus.  The. 
Was this the knowledge of myself he spoke of,  
That lived but in himself?  Good. 
I fear his wound,  
And a distraction.  Rav. 
Hear me sir and than  
You will have faith. The child you did dispose  
To be nursed by my mother, I being then  
An infant likewise. She knowing by law  
That I was capable of your estate  
Your heir being once removed, soon plots  
To make the child away; attempts, but fainting  
In th' execution left it in the fields;  
A formal burial strengthening the report  
That it was dead. By providence directed  
You found and bred it up, and this is he.  
My dying mother did reveal it to me  
With tears of penitence, and an injunction  
I should discover it: which my avarice  
And envy would not suffer me, but tempted  
My soul to those black practises, which now  
Cease with my shame and my repentance.  Good. 
Joys Good. embraceth Theo. kneeling.  
Have filled me to the danger of a surfeit.  
Welcome to life; I have a new begot thee.  
How often have I wished in these embraces  
The thing I did embrace but knew it not.  
x I hope your sorrow is not feigned  
That it may merit pardon, and preserve me  
A loving Uncle.  The. 
I forgive you x,  
You have at length in this discovery  
Given large satisfaction.  Rav. 
I'll remove  
All cause of after jealousy.  Fat. 
We by these Good. and Fat. embrace.  
Are reconciled for ever.  M. Fe. 
But her's a delinquent must be punished.  Good. 
He shall be pardoned too upon condition  
He will no more play the impostor thus,  
To wear the habit of a gentleman  
Having such vile conditions; so disgracing  
His noble nation; making all suspected.  
I'll likewise add something unto your storehouse.  
And though 'tis late let's have a wedding feast:  
To which pray welcome every loving guest.    

The Epilogue by the Bride.  

I Am a Maiden yet, how can I then  
Without some fear and blushes speak to men?  
ladies and gentlewomen pray stick to me  
If the rude men should offer to undo me.  
Would they be kind, and say I have done well  
I'd give them leave to clap me. I can tell  
They'd take it for a favour if they might  
Clap every Bride upon her wedding night.   
FINIS.