Pierce Penniless HIS SUPPLICATION to the Devil.  Barbaria grandis habere nihil. 
Written by Tho. Nash, Gent.  
LONDON, printed by Abel jeffes, for I. B. 1592.   

A private Epistle of the Author to the Printer.  
Wherein his full meaning and purpose (in publishing this Book) is set forth.  
FAith I am very sorry (Sir) I am thus unawares betrayed to infamy. You writ to me my book is hasting to the second impression: he that hath once broke the Ice of impudence▪ need not care how deep he wade in discredit. I confess it to be a mere toy, not deserving any judicial man's view: If it have found any friends, so it is, you know very well that it was abroad a fortnight ere I knew of it, & uncorrected and unfinished, it hath offered itself to the open scorn of the world. Had you not been so forward in the republishing of it, you should have had certain Epistles to Orators and Poets, to insert to the later end; As namely, to the Ghost of Machevill, of Tully, of Ovid, of Roscius, of Pace the Duke of Norfolk's jester; and lastly, to the Ghost of Robert green, telling him, what a coil there is with pamphleting on him after his death. These were prepared for Pierce Penniless first setting forth, had not the fear of infection detained me with my Lord in the Country.  
Now this is that I would have you to do in this second edition; First, cut off that long-tayld Title, and let me not in the forefront of my Book, make a tedious Mountebanks Oration to the Reader, when in the whole there is nothing praiseworthy.  
I hear say there be obscure imitators, that go about to frame a second part to it, and offer it to sell in Paul's Churchyard, and elsewhere, as from me. Let me request you (as ever you will expect any favour at my hands) to get some body to write an Epistle before it, ere you set it to sale again, importing thus much; that if any such lewd devise intrude itself to their hands, it is a coseanage and plain knavery of him that sells it to get money, and that I have no manner of interest or acquaintance with it. Indeed if my leisure were, such as I could wish, I might haps (half a year hence) writ the return of the Knight of the Post from he●, with the devils answer to the Supplication: but as for a second part of Pierce Penniless, it is a most ridiculous roguery.  
Other news I am advertised of, that a scald trivial lying pamphlet, called Green's groatsworth of wit is given out to be of my doing. God never have care of my soul, but utterly renounce me, if the least word or syllable in it proceeded from my pen, or if I were any way privy to the writing or printing of it. I am grown at length to see into the vanity of the world more than ever I did, and now I condemn myself for nothing so much, as playing the dolt in Print. Outupon it, it is odious, specially, in this moralising age, wherein every one seeks to show himself a Politician by misinterpreting. In one place of my Book Pierce Penniless saith, but to the Knight of the Post, I pray how might I call you, & they say I meant one How, a Knave of that trade that I never heard of before. The Anti quaries are offended without cause, thinking I go about to detract from that excellent profession, when (God is my witness) I reverence it as much as any of them all, and had no manner of allusion to them that stumble at it. I hope they will give me leave to think there be fools of that Art as well as of all other; but to say I utterly condemn it as an unfruitful study, or seem to despise the excellent qualified parts of it, is a most false and injurious surmise. There is nothing that if a man list he may not wrest or pervert, I cannot forbid any to th●nke villainously, Sed caveat emptor, Let the interpreter beware: for none ever hard me make Allegories of an idle text. Writ who will against me, but let him look his life be without scandal: for if he touch me never so little, I'll be as good as the Black Book to him & his kindred. Beggarly lies no beggarly wit but can invent: who spurneth not at a dead dog? but I am of anothermettal, they shall know that I live as their evil Angel, to haunt them world without end, if they disquiet me without cause. Farewell, and let me hear from you as soon as it is come forth. I am the Plague's prisoner in the Country as yet: if the sickness cease before the t●irde impression. I will come and alter whatsoever may be offensive to any man, and bring you the latter end.  
Your friend, Tho. Nash.   

Pierce Penniless his Supplication to the Devil.  
Having spent many years in studying how to live, and lived a long time without money: having tired my youth with folly, and surfeited my mind with vanity, I began at length to look back to repentance, & address my endeavours to prosperity: But all in vain, I sat up late, and rose eraely, contended with the cold, 
Dicite qui sapitis, cum hae● quae scimus inertes: Sed trepidas acies, & fera bella sequi.  and conversed with scarcity: for all my labours turned to loss, my vulgar Muse was despised & neglected, my pains not regarded or slightly rewarded, and I myself (in prime of my best wit) laid open to poverty. Whereupon (in a malcontent humour) I accused my fortune, railed on my patrons, bitten my pen, rend my papers, and raged in all points like a mad man. In which agony tormenting myself a long time, I grew by degrees to a milder discontent: and pausing a while ever my standish, I resolved in verse to paint forth my passion: which best agreeing with the vain of my unrest, 
Est aliquid fatale ●●●lum, per verba levare.  I began to complain in this sort.  
Why be't damnation to despair and die,  
When life is my true happiness disease?  
My soul, my soul, thy safety makes me fly  
The faulty means, that might my pain appease.  
Divines and dying men may talk of hell,  
But in my heart, her several torments dwell.  
Ah worthless Wit, to train me to this woe,  
Deceitful Arts that nourish Discontent:  
Ill thrive the Folly that bewitched me foe,  
Vain thoughts adieu, for now I will repent.  
And yet my wants persuade me to proceed.  
Since none takes pity of a Scholars need.  
Forg●ie 〈◊〉 God, although I curse my birth,  
And ba● the air, wherein I breathe a Wretch:  
Since Misery hath daunted all my mirth,  
And I am quite undone through promise-breach.  
Oh friends, 
Polme occidistis 〈◊〉.  no friends, that then ungently frown.  
When changing Fortune casts us headlong down.  
Without redress complains my careless verse,  
And Mydas-cares relent not at my moan:  
In some far Land will I my griefs rehearse,  
'mongst them that will be moved when I shall groan.  
England (adieu) the Soil that brought me forth,  
A dieu unkind, where skill is nothing worth.  
These Rhymes thus abruptly set down, I tossed my imaginations a thousand ways to see if I could find any means to relieve my estate: But all my thoughts consorted to this conclusion, that the world was uncharitable, & I ordained to be miserable. Thereby I grew to consider how many base men that wanted those parts which I had, evioyed content at will, and had wealth at command: I called to mind a Cobbler, that was worth five hundred pound, an Ostler that had built a goodly Inn & might dispend forty pound yearly by his Land, a Carreman in a leather pische, that had whipped out a thousand pound out of his borse tail: and have I more wit than all these (thought I to myself) am I better borne? am I better brought up? yea and better favoured? and yet am I a beggar? What is the cause? how am I crossed? or whence is this curse?  
Even from hence, that men that should employ such as I am, are enamoured of their own wits, and think what ever they do is excellent, though it be never so scurvy: that Learning (of the ignorant) is rated after the value of the ink and paper: & a Scrivener better paid for an obligation, than a Scholar for the best Poem he can make; that * every gross brained Idiot is suffered to come into print, 
Scribimus iuderi doct●que poequiata pas●●m.  who if he set forth a Pamphlet of the praise of Pudding-pricks, or write a Treatise Tom Thumme, or the exploits of Untruss; it is bought up thick and threefold, when better things lie dead. How then can we choose but be needy, when there are so many Drones amongst us? or ever prove rich that toil a whole year for fair looks. Gentle Sir Philip Sidney, thou knewst what belonged to a Scholar, thou knewst what pains, what toil, what travel conduct to perfection: well couldst thou give every Virtue his encouragement, every Art his due, every writer his desert: cause none more virtuous witty, or learned than thyself.  
But thou art dead in thy grave, and hast left too few successors of thy glory, 
Heurapiun●mala  too few to cherish the Sons of the Muses, or water those budding hopes with their plenty, which thy bounty erst planted.  
Believe me Gentlemen, for some cross mishapes have taught me experience, there is not that strict observation of honour, which hath been heretofore. Men of great calling take it of merit, to have their names eternized by Poets, & whatsoever pamphlet or dedication encounters them, they put it up in their fleeves, and scare give him thanks that presents it. Much better is it for those golden Pens, to raise such ungrateful Peasants from the Dunghill of obscurity, and make them equal in fame to the Worthies of old, when their doting self-love shall challenge it of duty, and not only give them nothing themselves, but impoverish liberality in others.  
This is the lamentable condition of our Times, that men of Art must seek alms of Cormorantes, and those that deserve best, be kept under by Dunces, who count it a policy to keep them bare, because they should follow their books the better: thinking belike, that as preferment hath made themselves idle, that were erst painful in meaner places, so it would likewise slacken the endeavours of those Students that as yet strive to excel, in hope of advancement. A good policy to suppress superfluous liberality. But had it been practised when they were promoted, the Yeomanry of the Realm had been better to pass than it is, and one Drone should not have driven so many Bees from their honeycombs.  
I, I. we'll give losers leave to talk, it is no matter what Sicprobo and his penniless companions prate, whilst we have the gold in our coffers: this is it that will make a knave an honest man, and my neighbour Cramptons' stripling a better Gentleman than his Grandsire. O it is a trim thing, when Pride the son goes before, and Shame the father follows after. Such precedents there are in our Commonwealth a great many: not so much of them whom Learning and Industry hath exalted, (whom I prefer before Genus and proavos) as of Carterly upstarts, that outface Town and Country in their Velvets, when Sir Rowland Russet-coat their Dad, goes sagging every day in his round Gascoynes of whyce cotton, and hath much a do (poor pennie-father) to keep his unthrift elbows in reparations.  
Marry happy are they (say I) that have such fathers to work for them whilst they play, for where other men turn over many leaves to get bread and cheese in their old age, and study twenty years to distill gold out of ink; our young masters do nothing but devise how to spend and ask counsel of the Wine and Capons, how they may quickliest consume their patrimonies. As for me, I live secure from all such perturbations: for (thanks be to God) I am vacuus viator, and care not though I meet the Commissioners of Newmarket-heath at high midnight, for any Crosses, Images, or Pictures that I carry about me more than needs.  
Than needs (quoth I) nay I would be ashamed of it, if Opus and Vsus were not knocking at my door twenty times a week when I am not within; the more is the pity, that such a frank Gentleman as I, should want: but since the dice do run so untowardly on my side, I am partly provided of a remedy. For whereas those that stand most on their honour, have shut up their purses, and shift us off with court-holie-bread: and on the other side, a number of hypocritical hot-spurres, that have God always in their mouths, will give nothing for God's sake; I have clapped up a handsome Supplication to the Devil, and sent it by a good fellow, that I know will deliver it:  
And because you may believe me the better, I care not if I acquaint you with the circumstance.  
I was informed of late days, that a certain blind Ketayler called the Devil, used to lend money upon paw●es, or any thing, and would let one for a need have a thousand pounds upon a Statute Merchant of his soul: or if a man plied him thoroughly, would trust him upon a Bill of his hand without any more circumstance. Besides, he was noted for a privy Benefactor to Traitor's and Patasites, and to advance fools and Asses far sooner than any, to be a greedy pursuer of news, and so famous a Politician in purchasing, that Hell (which at the beginning was but an obscure village) is now become a huge City, whereunto all Countries are tributary.  
These manifest conjectures of Plentic, assembled in one commonplace of ability; I determined to claw Avarice by the elbow, till his full belly gave me a full hand, and let him blood with my pen (if it might be) in the vain of liberality: and so (in short time) was this Paper-monster Pierce Penniless begotten.  
But written and all, here lies the question; where shall I find this old Ass, that I may deliver it. Mass that's true, they say the Lawyers have the Devil and all; and it is like enough he is playing Ambidexter amongst them. Fie, fie, the Devil a driver in Westminster hall, it can never be.  
Now I pray what do you imagine him to be? Perhaps you think it is not possible he should be so grave. Oh than you are in an error, for he is as formal as the best Scrivener of them all. Marry he doth not use to wear a nightcap, for his horns will not let him: and yet I know a hundred as well he added as he, that will make a jolly shift with a Court-cup on their crowns if the weather be cold.  
To proceed with my tale, to Westminster hall I went, and made a search of inquiry, from the black gown to the buckram bag, if there were any such Sergeant, Bencher, Counsellor, Attorney, or Pettifogger, as signor Cornuto Diabolo, with the good face. But they all (unavoce) affirmed, that he was not there: marry whether he were at the Exchange or no, amongst the rich Merchants, that they could not tell: but it was likelier of the two, that I should meet with him, or hear of him at the least in those quarters I faith, and say you so quoth I, and I'll bestow a little labour more but I'll hunt him out.  
Without more circumstance, thither came I; and thrusting my self, as the manner is, amongst the confusion of languages, I asked (as before) whether he were there extant or no? But from one to another, Non novi Damonem was all the answer I could get. At length (as Fortune served) I lighted upon on old ●●radling Usurer, clad in a dam ask cassock edged with Fox sur, a pair of trimke slops, sagging down like a shoemakers wallet, and a short threadbare gown on his backed faced which moth-eaten budge, upon his he add he wore a filled by course biggin, and next it a garnish of nightcaps, which a sage butten-cap, of the form of a cowsheard over spread very orderly: a fat chuff it was Iremember, with a grey beard cut short to the stumps, as though it were grimde, and a huge woorme-eaten nose, like a cluster of grapes hanging downwards. Of him I demanded if he could tell me any tidings of the party I sought for.  
By my troth quoth he stripling, (and then he caught) I saw him not lately, nor know I certainly where he keeps: but thus much I heard by a Broker a friend of mine, that hath had some dealings with him in his time, that he is at home sick of the gout and will not be spoken withal. under more than thou art able to give, some two or three hundred angels at least, if thou hast any suit to him: & then parhapes he'll strain courtesy with his legs in childbed, and come forth and talk with thee: but otherwise, Non est domi, he is busy with Mammon, and the prince of the North, how to build up his kingdom, or sending his spirits abroad to undermine the maligners of his government.  
I hearing of this cold comfort, took me leave of him very faintly, and like a careless malcontent that knew not which way to turn, retired me to Paul's to seek my dinner with Duke Humphrey: but when I came there, the old soldier was not up: he is long a rising thought I, but that's all one: for he that hath no money in his purse, must go dine with sir john Best-betrust, at the sign of the chalk and the Post.  
Two hungry turns had I scarce fetched in this waste gallery, when I was encountered by a neat pedantical fellow, in form of a Citizen: who thrasting himself abruptly into my company like an Intelligencer, began very earnestly to question with me about the cau● of my discontent, or what made me so sad, that seemed too young to be acquainted with sorrow. I nothing nice to unfold my estate to any whatsoever, discoursed to him the whole circumstance of my care: and what toil and pains I had took in searching for him that would not be heard of. Why 〈◊〉 (quoth he) had I been privy to your purpose before, I could have eased you of this travel: for if it be the devil you seek for, know I am his man. I pray sir how might I call you? A knight of the Post quoth he, for so I am termed: a fellow that will swear you any thing for twelve pe●ce, 
Non bene conducti vendunt periuria testes.  but indeed I am a spirit in nature and essence, that take upon me this humane shame, only to set men together by the ears, and send souls by millons to hell.  
Now trust me a substantial trade, but when do you think you could send next to your master? why every day▪ for there is not a cormorant that dies, or Cutpurse that is hanged, but I dispatch letters by his soul to him, and to all my friends in the Low-cuntries: wherefore, if you have any thing that you would have transported: give it me, and I will see it delivered.  
Yes marry have I (quoth I) a certain Supplication here unto your Master, which you may peruse if it please you. With that he opened it, and read as followeth.  
To the high and mighty Prince of Darkness, Donsell dell Lucifer, King of Acheron, Styx and Phlegeton, Duke of Tartary, marquis of Conytus, and Lord high Regent of Limbo: his distressed Orator Pierce Penniless, wisheth increase of damnation, and malediction eternal, Per jesum Christum Dominum nostrum.  
MOst humbly sueth unto your sinfulness, your singlesoald Orator Pierce Penniless: that whereas your impious excellence, hath had the poor tennement of his purse any time this half year for your dancing school, and he (notwithstanding) hath received no penny nor cross for farm, 
No i'll be sworn upon a book have I not  according to the usual manner it may please your graceless Majesty to consider of him, and give order to your servant Avarice, he may be dispatched, insomuch as no man here in London can have a dancing school without rent, and his wit and knavery cannot be maintained with nothing. Or if this be not so plausible to your honourable infernalship, it might seem good to your hell-hood, to make extent upon the souls of a number of uncharitable cormorant's, who having incurred the danger of a Praemunire, with meddling with matters that properly concern your own person, deserve no longer to live (as men) amongst men, but to be incorporated in the society of devils. By which means, the mighty controller of fortune, and imperious subverter of destiny, delicious gold, the poor man's God and Idol of Princes (that looks pale and wan through long imprisonment, might at length be restored to his powerful Monar chie, and eftsoon be set at liberty, to help his friends that have need of him.  
I know a great sort of good fellows that would venture far for his freedom, * and a number of needy Lawyers, 
Idest, for the freedom of gold.  (who now mourn in threadbare gowns for his thraldom) that would go near to poison his keepers with 〈◊〉 La●●ne, ●that might procure his enlargement: but inexorable y●o● detains him in the dungeon of the 〈◊〉▪ so that now (our creature) he can neither traffic wit) the Merce●● and Tailors as he was wont, nor domineer in Taverns as he ought.  
Famine, Lent, and desolation, sit in Onion skinned jackets before the door of his endurance, as a Chorus in the Tragedy of Hospitality, to tell hunger and poverty there's no relief for them there? and in the inner part of this ugly habitation, stands Greediness, 
The description of Greediness.  prepared to devour all that enter, attired in a Capouch of written parchment, buttoned down before with Labels of wax, and lined with sheeps fells for warmness: his Cap furred with cat's skins, after the Muscovie fashion, and all to be tasseled with Angle-hookes in stead of Aglets, ready to catch hold of all those to whom he shows any humbleness: for his breeches they were made of the lists of broad clothes, which he had by letters patents assured him and his heirs, to the utter overthrow of Bowcases and Cushion makers, and bombasted they were like Beerebarrels, with statute Merchants and forfeitures. But of all, his shoes were the strangest, which being nothing else but a couple of crab shells, were toothed at the tooes with two sharp six penny nails, that digged up every dunghill they came by for gold, and snarld at the stones as he went in the street, because they were so common for men, women and children to tread upon, and he could not devise how to wrest an odd fine out of any of them.  
Thus walks he up and down all his life time, with an iron crow in his hand in steed of a staff, and a Sergeant's Mace in his mouth▪ (which night and day he still gnawed upon) & either busies himself in setting silver lime twigs to entangle young Gentlemen, and casting forth silken shraps to catch Woodcocks, or in syving of Muckhils and shop-dust, whereof he will boult a whole cartload to gain a bowed Pin.  
On the other side, Dame Niggardize his wife, in a sedge rug kirtle, 
The description of dame Niggardize.  that had been a mat time out of mind, a course hempen rail about her shoulders, borrowed of the one end of a hop-bag, an apron made of Almanacs out of date (such as stand upon Screens, or on the backside of a door in a Chandler's shop), and an old wives pudding pan on her head, thrumd with the parings of her nails, sat barrelling up the droppings of her nose, in steed of oil to saime wool withal, and would not adventure to spit without half a dozen porringers at her elbow.  
The house (or rather the hell) where these two Earthwormes encaptived this beautiful Substance, was vast, large, strong buildt, and well furnished, all save the Kitchen: for that was no bigger than the Cook's room in a ship, with a little court chimney, about the compass of a Parenthesis in proclamation print: then judge you what diminutive dishes came out of this dovesneast. So likewise of the Buttery, for whereas in houses of such stately foundation that are built to outward show so magnificent, every Office is answerable to the Hall, which is principal, there the Buttery was no more but a blind coalhouse under a pair of stairs, wherein (uprising and downelying) was but one single single kilderkin of small beer, that would make a man with a carouse of a spoonful, run through an Alphabet of faces. Nor used they any glasses or cups (as other men) but only little farthing ounce boxes, whereof one of them filled up with froth (in manner and form of an Alehouse) was a meals allowance for the whole household. It were lamentable to tell what misery the Rats and Mice endured in this hard world, how when all supply of vittualls failed them, they went a Boothaling one night to Signior Greediness bedchamber, where finding nothing but emptiness and vastity, they encountered (after long inquisition) with a codpiece, well dunged and manured with grease (which my pinch fartpenie-father had retained from his Bachelorship, until the eating of these presents. Upon that they set▪ and with a courageous assault rend it clean away from the breeches, and then carried it in triumph like a coffin on their shoulders betwixt them. The very spiders and dust-weavers', that wont to set up their looms in every window, decayed and undone through the extreme dearth of the place, that afforded them no matter to work on) were constrained to break against their wills, and go dwell in the country, out of the reach of the broom and the wing: and generally, not aflea nor a cricket that carried any brave mind, that would stay there after he had once tasted the order of their fare. Only unfortunate gold (a predestinate slave to drudges and fools) lives in endless bondage there amongst them, and may no way be released, except you send the rot half a year amongst his keepers, and so make them away with a murrion one after another.  
O, but a far greater enormity reigneth in the heart of the Court: Pride the perverter of all Virtue, 
The 〈◊〉 of pride.  sitteth apparelled in the merchants spoils, and ruin of young Citizens: and scorn●th l●earning, that gave their upstart Fathers, titles of gent●y.  
All malcontent sits the greasy son of a Cloathier, & complains (like a decayed Earl) of the ruin of ancient houses: whereas the weavers looms first framed the web of his honour, 
The nature of an upstart.  & the locks of wool that bushes and brambles have took for tou●e of insolent sheep, that would needs strive for the wall of a firbush, have made him of the tenths of their tar, a Squire of low degree? and of the collect●ōs of their scatter, a justice Tam Martiquam Mercurio, of Peace & of Coram. He will be humorous forsooth, and have a brood of fashions by himself. Sometimes (because Love commonly wears the livery of Wit) he will be an Inamorat● Poeta, & sonnet a whole choir of paper in praise of Lady Swinsnout, his yeolow faced Mistress, & wear a feather of her ●ain beaten fan for a favour, like a fore-horse. Al Italionato is his talk, & his spade peake is as sharp as if he had been a Pioneer before the walls of Rouen. He will despise the barbarism of his own Country, & tell a whole Legend of lies of his travails unto Constantinople. If he be challenged to fight, for his delatory excuse he objects, that it is not the custom of the Spaniard or the German, to look back to every dog that barks. You shall see a dapper jacke, that hath been but over at Deep, wring his face round about, as a man would stir up a mustard pot, & talk English through the teeth like jaques Scabd-hams, or Monsieur Mingo de Moustrap: when (poor slave) he hath but dipped his bread in wild Boars grease, a●d come home again: or been bitten by the shins by a wolf: and saith, he hath adventured upon the Barricadoes of Gurney or Guingan, and fought with the young Guise hand to hand.  
Some think to be counted rare Politicians and Statesmen, by being solitary: as who would say, I am a wise man, a brave man, Secreta mea mihi: Frustra sapit, qui sibi non sapit: 
The sergeant 〈◊〉.  and there no man worthy of my company or friendship: when, although he goes ungartred like a male content Cutpurse, & wears his hat over his eyes like one of the cursed ●rue, yet 〈◊〉 his stabbing dagger, or his nitty love lock keep him out of the legend of fantastical coxcombs. I pray ye good Meū●●er devil take some order, the the streets be not pestered with them so as they are. Is it not a pitiful thing that a fellow that eats not a good meals meat in a week, but beggereth his belly quite and clean, to make his back a certain kind of brokerly Gentleman: and now and then (once or twice in a Term) comes to the eighteen pence Ordinary, because he would be seen amongst Cavaliers and brave courtiers, living otherwise all the year long with salt Butter and Holland cheese in his chamber, should take up a scornful melancholy in his gate and countenance, and talk as though our common wealth were but a mockery of government, and our Magistrates fools, who wronged him in not looking into his deserts, not employing him in State matters, and that if more regard were not had of him very shortly, the whole Realm should have a miss of him & he would go (I marry would he) where he should be more accounted of?  
Is it not wonderful ill provided, I say, that this disdainful companion is not made one of the fraternity of Fools, to talk before great States, with some old moth eaten Politician, of mending high ways, and leading Armies into France?  
Ayoong Heir or Corkney, 
The prodigal young Master  that is his Mother's Darling, if h●e have played the waste-good at the Inns of the Court or about London, and that neither his Students pension, nor his unthrifts credit will serve to maintain his Collidge of whores any longer, falls in a quarreling humour with his fortune, because she made him not King of the Indies, and swears and stars after ten in the hundredth, that near a such Peasant as his Father or brother shall keep him under, he will to the sea and tear the gold out of the Spaniards throats but he will have it, byrlady when he comes there, poor soul he lies in brine in Balist, and is lamentable sick of the scur●ies, his dainty fare is turned to a hungry feast of Dogs & Cats, or Gaberdine and poor john at the most, and which is lamentablest of all, that without Mustard.  
As a mad Ruffian on a time, being in danger of shipwreck by a tempest, and seeing all other at their vows and prayers, that if it would please God of his infinite goodness, to deliver them out of that imminent danger, one would abjure this sin where unto he was addicted: an other, make satisfaction for that violence he had committed: he in a desperate jest, began thus to reconcile his soul to heaven.  
O Lord, if it may seem good to thee to deliver me from this fear of untimely death, I vow before thy Throne and all thy starry Host, never ●o eat Gaberdine more whilst I live. Well, so it fell out that the Sky cleared, and the tempest ceased, and this careless wretch that made such a mockery of prayer, ready to set foot a Land, cried out: not without Mustard good Lord▪ not without Mustard: as though it had been the greatest torment in the world, to have eaten Gaberdine without Mustard. But this by the way, what penance can be greater for Pride, than to let it swinge in his own halter? Dulce bellum in expertis, there's no man loves the smoke of his own Country, that hath not been syngde in the flame of an other soil It is a pleasant thing over a full pot, to read the fable of thirsty Tantalus: but a harder ma●ter ●o digest salt mea●es at Sea, with stinking water.  
another misery of Pride it is, when men that have good parts, 
The pride of the learned.  and bear the name of deep scholars: cannot be content to participate one faith with all Christendom, but because they will get a name to their vainglory, they will set their self-love to study to invent new sects of singularity, thinking to live when they are dead, by having sects called after their names, as Donatists of Donatus Arrians of Arrius: and a number more new faith-founders that have made England the exchange of Innovations, and almost as much confusion of Religion in every Quarter, as there was of tongues at the building of the Tower of Babel. Whence, a number that fetch the Articles of their Belief out of Aristotle, and think of heaven and hell as the Heathen Philosophers, take occasion to deride our Eccles●asticall State, and all Ceremonies of Divine worship, as bugbears scarecrows, because (like Herodes soldiers) we divide Christ's garment amongst us in so many pieces, and of the vesture of salvation make some of us Babies and apes coats, others strait trusses and Devils breeches: some gally-gascoines or a shipman's hose like the Anabaptists and adulterous Familists, others with the Martinist a hood with two faces to hide their hypocrisy: & to conclude some like the Barrowists and Green wodians, a garment full of the plague, which is not to be worn before it be new washed.  
Hence Atheists triumph and rejoice, and talk as profanely of the Bible, as of Bevis of Hampton. I hear say there be Mathematitions abroad, that will prove men before Adam, and they are harboured in high places, who will maintain it to the death, that there are no devils.  
It is a shame (signior Belzibub) that you should suffer yourself thus to be termed a bastard, 
The devil hath children (as other men's) but few of them know their own father.  or not approve to your predestinate children, not only that they have a father, but that you are he that must own them. These are but the suburbs of the sin we have in ha●d: I must describe to you a large city, wholly inhabited with this damnable enormity.  
In one place let me show you a base Artificer, that hath no revenues to boast on, but a Needle in his bosom; 
The pride of Artificers.  as brave as any Pensiover or Noble man.  
In an other corner, Mistress Minx a merchants wife, that will eat no Cherries forsooth, but when they are at twenty shillings a pound, 
The pride of merchants wives.  that looks as simperingly as if she were be smeared, and jets it as gingerly as if she were dancing the Canaries: she is so finical in her speech, as though she spoke nothing but what she had first sewd ou●r before in her Samplers, and the puling accent of her voice is like a famed treble, or one's voice that interprets to the puppets. What should I tell how squeamish she is in her diet, what toil she puts her poor servants unto, to make her looking glasses in the pavement? how she will not go into the field to cowre on the green grass, but she must have a Coach for her convoy: and spends half a day in pranking her ●elfe if she be invited to any strange place? Is not this the excess of pride signor Satan? Go too, you are unwise, if you make her not a chief Saint in your Calendar.  
The next object that encounters my eyes, is some such obscure upstart gallants, 
The pride of peasants sprung up of nothing.  as without desert or service are raised from the plough, to be checkmate with Princes: and these I can no better compare than to creatures that are bred Sine coitu, as crickets in chimneys, to which I resemble poor Scullions, that from turning spit in the chimney corner, are on the sudden hoist up from the Kitchen into the waiting chamber, or made Barons of the bieu●●, and Marquesses of the Marybones: some by corrupt water, as grate, to which we may liken Brewers, that by re●ayling filthy Thames water, come in few years to be worth forty or fifty thousand pound: others by dead wine, as little flying worms, and so the Vintners in like case: others by slime as frogs, which may be ●lluded to Mother Bunches slimy ale, that hath made her, and some other of her filpot faculty so wealthy: others by dirt, as worms, and so I know many goldfiners and bostlers come up: some by herbs, as cankers, and after the fame sort our Apothecaries: others by ashes as Scarabs: and how else get our Colliers the pence? Others from the putrefied flesh of dead beasts, as Bees of Bulls, and Butchers by fli-blown beef, wasps of horses, and Hackney-men by selling their lame jades to huntsmen for carrion.  
Yet am I not against it, 
Asparagus a flower that never groweth but through a man's dung.  that these men by their mechanical trades should come to be Sparage Gentlemen, and chuff-headed Burghomasters: but that better places should be possessed by coistrels, and the cobblers crow for crying but ave Caesar, be more esteemed than rarer birds that have warbled sweeter notes unrewarded. B●t it is no marvel: For as Hemlock fatteth Quails, and Henbane Swine, which to all other is poison: so some men's vices have power to advance them which would subvert any else that should seek to climb by them: and it is enough in them that they can pair their nails well to get them a living, when as the seven liberal Sctences and a good leg, will scarce get a scholar a pair of shoes, and a Canuas-dublet.  
These whelps of the first Litter of Gentility, these Exhalations, drawn up to the heaven of honour, from the dunghill of abject fortune, have long been on horseback to come riding to your Devilship: but I know not how like Saint George they are always mounted, but never move. Here they outface Town and country, and do nothing but bandy factions with their betters. Their big limbs yield the Commonwealth no other service but idle sweat, and their heads like rough he wen Gloabes, are fit for nothing but to be the blockhouses of sleep. Raynold the Fox may well bear up his tail in the Lion's den, but when he comes abroad, he is afraid of every dog that barks. What Cur will not bawl, and be ready to fly in a man's face, when he is set on by his master, who if he be not by, to encourage him, he casts his tail betwixt his legs, & steals away like a sheepbyter. Ulysses was a tall man under Ajax shield: but by himself he would never adventure but in the night. Pride is never built but upon some pillars: and let his supporters fail him never so little, you shall find him very humble in the dust. Wit oftentimes stands in stead of a chief arch to underprop it, in soldiers strength, in women beauty.  
Drudges, 
The base insinuating of drudges and their practice to aspire.  that have no extraordinary gifts of body, nor of mind, filch themselves into some Noble man's service, either by bribes or by flattery, and when they are there, they so labour it with cap and knee, and ply it with privy whisperings, that they wring themselves into his good opinion ere he be aware. Then do they vaunt themselves over the common multitude, and are ●eadie to outbrave any man that stands by himself. Their Lord's authority is as a rebater to bear up the Peacock's tail of their boasting, and any thing that is said or done to the unhandsoming of their ambition, is strait wrested to the name of treason. Thus do weeds grow up whiles no man regards them, and the Ship of Fools is arrived in the Haven of Felicity, whilst the scouts of Envy contemn the attempts of any such small Ba●kes.  
But beware you that be great men's Favourites: let not a servile insinuating slave creep betwixt your legs into credit with your Lords: for peasants that come out of the cold of poverty, once cherished in the bosom of prosperity, will strait forget that ever there was a winter of want, or who gave them room to warm them. The son of a churl cannot choose but prove ingrateful like his Father. Trust not a villain that hath been miserable, and is suddenly grown happy. Virtue ascendeth by degrees of desert unto dignity: gold and lust may lead a man a nearer way to promotion: but he that hath neither comeliness nor coin to commend him, undoubtedly strides over time by stratagems, * if of a molehill he grows to a mountain in a moment. 
As by carrying tales or playing the doughty Pander.  This is that which I urge, there is no friendship to be had with him, that is resolute to do or suffer any thing, rather than to endure the destiny whereto he was borne: for he will not spare his own Father or Brother, to make himself a Gentleman.  
France, Italy, 
The pride of the Spaniard.  and Spain, are all full of these false hearted Machivillions: but properly Pride is the disease of the Spaniard, who is borne a Braggart in his mother's womb: for if he be but 17 years old and hath come to the place where a 〈◊〉 was taught (though half a year before) he then talks like one of the Giants that made war against Heaven, and stands upon his honour as much, as if he were one of Augustus' Soldiers, of whom he first instituted the order of Heralds: and let a man soothe him in his vain of kilcow vanity, you may command his heart out of his belly to make you a rasher on the coals, if you will next your heart.  
The Italian is a more cunning proud fellow, 
The pride of the Italian  that hides his humour far cleanlier, and indeed seems to take a pride in humility, and will proffer a stranger more courtesy than he means to perform. He hateth him deadly that takes him at his word: as for example, if upon occasion of meeting, be request you to dinner or supper at his house, and that at the first or second entreaty you promise to be his guest, he will be the mortalst enemy you have: but if you deny him, he will think you have manners and good bringing up, and will love you as his brother: marry at the third or fourth time you must not refuse him. Of all things he counteth it a mighty disgrace to have a man pass justling by him in haste on a narrow causey, and ask him no ●eaue, which he never revengeth with less than a s●ab.  
The Frenchman (not altered from his own nature) is wholly compact of deceivable Courtship, 
The pride of the French man.  and for the most part, loves none but himself and his pleasure: yet though he be the most Grand Signior of them all, he will say, Avostre service & commandement Mounseur, to the meanest vassal he meets. He thinks he doth a great favour to that gentleman or follower of his, to whom he talks sitting on his close stool: and with that ●auour (I have heard) the queen mother wont to grace the Noble men of France: and a great man of their Nation coming in time passed over into England, and being here very honourably received, he in requital of his admirable entertainment, on an evening going to the privy (as it were to honour extraordinaryly our english Lords, appointed to attend him) gave one the candle, another his girdle, & another the paper: but they (not acquainted with this new kind of gracing) accompanying bim●●●he privy door, set down the trash, & so left him: which ●e (considering what kindness he extended to them they in more than usual) took 〈◊〉  
The most gross and senseless proud dolts (in a different kind from all these) are the Danes: 
The pride of the dane  who stand so much upon their unwieldy burlibo and soldiery, that they account of no man that hath not a battle Axe at his girdle to hough dogs with, or wears not a cocks feather in a red thrumd hat like a cavalier: 
〈◊〉 you know him not by any of these marks look on his fingers & you shall be sure to fi●d half a 〈…〉 worth are pence a pe●ce.  briefly, he is the best fool braggart under heaven. For beside, nature hath left him a flaberkin face, like one of the four winds, and cheeks that sag like a woman's dogs over his chin-bone, his apparel is so puffed up with bladders of Taffarie, and his back like beef stuffed with Partly, so drawn out with Ribbons and devices, and blistered with light sarsenet bastings, that you would think him nothing but a swarm of Butterflies, if you saw him a far off. * Thus walks he up and down in his Majesty, taking a yard of ground at every step, and stamps on the earth so terrible as if he meant to knock up a'spirite, when (foul drunken bezzle) if an Englishman set his little finger to him, he falls like a hogs-trough that is set on one end. Therefore I am the more vehement against them, because they are an arrogant Assheaded people, that naturally hate learning, and all them that love it: yea, and for they would utterly root it out from among them, they ●aue withdrawn alrewards from the Professors thereof. Not Barbary itself is half so barbarous as they are. First, whereas the hope of honour maketh a Soldier in England. By shopricks, Deaneries, Prebendaries, and other private dignities, animate our Divines to such excellence. The civil Lawyers have their degrees & consistories of honour by themselves, equal in place with Knights and esquires: the common Lawyers, (suppose in the beginning they are but husbandmen's sons) come in time to be chief Fathers of the land, and many of them not the meanest of the Privy Counsel.  
There the soldier may fight himself out of his skin, and do more exploits than he hath doits in his purse, 
No rewards amongst them for▪ desert.  before from a common mercenary, he come to be Corporal of the mould cheese: or the Lieutenant get a Captainship. None but the son of a Corporal must be a Corporal, nor any be Captain, but the lawful begotten of a Captains' body. Bishoprics, Deancies, Prebendaries, why they know no such functions: a sort of ragged Ministers they have, of whom they count as basely, as waterbearers. If any of their Noblemen refrain three hours in his life time from drinking, to study the Laws, he may peth●ps have a little more government put into his hands than another: but otherwise, Burgomasters and Gentlemen bear all the sway of both swords, spiritual and temporal. It is death there for any but a husbandman to marry a husbandman's daughter, or a Gentleman's child to join with any but the son of a Gentleman, marry this the King may well banish, but he cannot put a Gentleman unto death in any cause whatsoever, which makes them stand upon it so proudly as they do. For fashion sake some will put their children to school, but they set them not to it till they are fourteen year old: so that you shall see a great boy with a beard learn his ABC. and sit weeping under the rod, when he is thirty years old.  
I will not stand to infer, what a prejudice it is to the thirst of a flourishing State, to poison the growth of glory, 
What it is to make men labour without hope.  by giving it nought but the puddle water of penury to drink: to clip the wings of a high towering Falcon, who, where as she want in her feathered youthfulness, to look with an amiable eye upon her grey breast, and her speckled side sails, all sinnowed with silver quills, and to drive whole Armies of fearful fowl before her to her masters Table: now she sits sadly on the ground, picking of worms, mourning the cruelty of those ungentleman-like idle hands, that dismembered the beauty of her t●ayne.  
You all know, that man (insomuch as he is the Image of God) delighteth in honour and worship, and all holy Writ warrants that delight, so it be not derogatory to any part of Gods own worship: now take away that delight, abiscontented idleness overtakes him. For his hire, any handicraft man, be he Carpenter, joiner, or Painter, will ploddingly do his day labour: but to add credit and fame to his workmanship, or to win a mastery to himself above all other, he will make a further assay in his, trade, than ever hitherto he did, he will have a thousand flourishes which before he never thought upon, and in one day rid more out of hand, than erst he did in ten: So in Arms, so in Arts, if titles of fame and glory be proposed to forward minds, or that sovereignty (whose sweetness they have not yet felt) be set in likely view for them to sore too, they will make a ladder of cord of the links of of their brains, but they will fasten their hands as well as their eyes, on the imaginative bliss, which they already enjoy by admiration. Experience reproves me for a fool, for dilating on so manifest a case.  
The Da●es are bursten-bellied sots, that are to be confuted with nothing but Tankards or quart pots, and Ovid might as well have read his verses to the Geteses that understood him not, as a man talk reason to them that have no ears but their mouths nor sense but of that which they swallow down their throats. God so love me, as I love the quick-witted Italians, and therefore love them the more, because they mortally detest this surly swinish Generation.  
I need not fetch colours from other countries to paint the ugly visage of Pride, since herpicture is set forth in so many painted faces here at home. What drugs, what sorceries, what oils, what waters, what ointments, do our curious Dames use to enlarge their withered beauties? Their lips are as lavishly red, as if they used to kiss an ●okerman every morning, and their cheeks sugercandied and cherry blushed so sweetly, after the colour of a new Lord Mayor's posts, as if the pageant of their wedlock holiday were hard at the door; so that if a Painter were to draw any of their Counterfeits on Table, he needs no more but wet his pencil, and dab it on their cheeks, and he shall have vermilion and white enough to furnish out his work, though he leave his tarbox at home behind him. Wise was that sin-washing Poet that made the Ballet of Blue starch and poking sticks, for indeed the lawn of licentiousness hath consumed all the wheat of hospitality. It is said Laurence Lucifer, that you went up and down London crying then like a lantern & candle man. I marvel no Laundrsse would give you the washing and starching of your face for your labour, for God knows it is as black as the black Prince.  
It is suspected you have been a great Tobacco taker in your youth, which causeth it to come so to pass: but Dame Nature your nurse was partly in fault, else she might have remedied it. She should have nointed your face overnight with Lac virgins, which baking upon it in bed till the morning, she might have piled off the scale like the skiu of a custard, and making a posset of verge's mixed with the oil of Tartary and Camphier, bathed it in it a quarter of an hour, and you had been as fair as the flower of the frying pan. I warrant we have old hackster's in this great Grandmother of Corporations, Madam Troynovant, that have not backbited any of thei● neighbours with the tooth of envy this twenty year, in the wrinkles of whose face, ye may hide false dice, and play at cherry-pit in the dint of their cheeks, yet these aged mothers of iniquity will have their deformities new plastered over, and wear nosegays of yeolow hair on their furies foreheads, when age hath written Hoe God be here, on their bald burnt parchment pates. Pish, pish, what talk you of old age or bald pates? men and women that have gone under the South pole, must lay off their furde nightcaps in spite of their teeth, and become yeomen of the Vinegar bottle: a close periwig hides all the sins of an old whoremaster, but Cucullus non facit Monachum: 'tis not their new bonnets will keep them from the old boan-ach. Beware when a man's sins are written on his ey-browes, and that there is not a hair breadth betwixt them and the falling sickness. The times are dangerous: and this is an iron age, or rather no iron age, for sword and bucklers go to pawn a pace in Long-Lane: but a tin age; for tin and pewter are more esteemed than Latin. You that be wise despise it, abhor it, neglect it; for what should a man care for gold that cannot get it.  
An Antiquary is an honest man, for he had rather scrape a piece of copper out of the dirt, 
The commendation of Antiquaries. Laudamus veteres, sed nostris utimur annis.  than a crown out of Ployden's standish. I know many wise Gentlemen of this musty vocation, who out of love with the times wherein they live, fall a retayling of Alexander's stirrups▪ because (in verity) there is not such a strong piece of stretching leather made now adays, nor iron so well tempered for any money. They will blow their nose in a box, & say it is the spittle that Diogenes spit in ones face: who being invit 〈◊〉 dinner to his house, that was neat & brave in all points as might be devised; and the grunting Dog somewhat troubled with thertheume (by means of his long fasting and staying for dinner more than wont) spit full in his Hostess face: and being asked the reason of it, said; it was the foulest place he could spy out in all his house. Let their Mistress (or some other woman) give them a feather of her fan for her favour, and if one ask them what it is? they make answer, a plume of the Phoenix, whereof there is but one in all the whole world. A thousand guegawes and toys have they in their chambers, which they heap up together withinfinite expense, and are made believe of them that sell them, that they are rare and precious things, when they have gathered them upon some dunghill, or raked them out of the kennel by chance. I know one sold an old rope with four knots on it for four pound, in that he gave it out, it was the length and breadth of Christ's Tomb. Let a Tinker take a piece of brass worth a half penny, and set strange stamps on it, and I warrant he may make it more worth to him of some fantastical fool, than all the kettles that ever be mended in his life. This is the disease of our new-fangled humorists, that know not what to do with their wealth. It argueth a very rusty wit, so to deate on worm-eaten Eld.  
OUt upon it, how long is Pride a dressing herself? 
The complaint of Envy.  Envy awake for thou must appear before Nicalao Malevolo great Muster master of hell. Mark you this she mate, how smoothly he looks? The Poets were ill advised, that famed him to be a lean gag toothed Beldame with hollow eyes, pale cheeks, and snaky heir: for he is not only a man, but a jolly lusty old Gentleman, that will wink, and laugh, and jest drily, as if he were the honestest of a thousand: and I warrant you shall not hear a foul word come from him in a year. I will not contradict it, but the Dog may worry a sheep in the dark, & thrust his neck into the collar of clemency & pity when he hath done: as who should say, God forgive him, he was a sleep in the shambles, when the innocent was done to death. But openly, Envy sets a civil fatherly countenance upon it, & hath not so much as a drop of blood in his face to attaint him of murder. I thought it expedient in this my Supplication, to place it next to Pride: for it is his adopted son. And hence comes it, that proud men repine at others prosperity, and grieve that any should be great but themselves Mens cuiusque, is est quisque: it is a Proverb that is as hoary as Dutch-b●tter. If a man will go to the devil, he may go to the devil: there are a thousand juggling tricks to be used at ●ey pass come aloft: & the world hath cords enough to trus up a calf that stands in on's way Envy is a Crocodile that weeps when he kills, and fights with none but he feeds on. This is the nature of this quicksighted monster, he will endure any pains to endamage another, waste his body with undertaking exploits that would require ten men's strengths, rather than any should get a penny but himself, blear his eyes to stand in his neighbour's light; and to conclude, like Atlas' underproppe heaven alone, rather than any should be in heaven that he liked not of, or come unto heaven by any other means but by him.  
You goodman wandrer about the world, how do ye spend your time, that you do not rid us of these pestilent members? you are unworthy to have an office if you can execute it no better. Behold another enemy of mankind besides thyself exalted in the South, 
Philip of Spain, as ghea an enemy to mankind as the devil.  Philip of Spain, who not content to be the God of gold, and chiefest commander of content that Europe affords, but now he doth nothing but thirst after huma●e blood, when his foot is on the three should of the grave: and as a Wolf being about to devour a horse, doth balist his belly with earth, that he may hang the heavier upon him, and then forcibly flies in his face, never leaving his hold till he hath eaten him up: so this wolvish unnatural usurper, being about to devour all Christendom by invasion, doth cram his treasures with Indian earth, to make his malice more forcible, and then flies in the bosom of France and Belgia, never withdrawing his forces (as the Wolf his fastening) till he hath devoured their welfare, & made the war-wasted carcases of both kingdoms a pray for his tyranny, Only poor England gives him bread for his cake, and holds him out at the arms end. His Armadas (th● like a high wood ouer-shadowed the shrubs of our low ships) fled from the breath of our Cannons, as vapours before the Sun, or as the Elephant flies from the Ram, or the See a Whale from the noise of parched bones. The winds envying that the a●●e should be dimmed with such a Chaos of wooden clouds, raised up high bulwarks of bellowing waves, whence Death shot at their disordered Navy: and the Rocks with their over-hanging jaws, eat up all the fragments of oak that they left. So perished our foes, so the Heavens did fight for us. Praterit Hippomenes, reason in't spectacula plausu.  
I do not doubt (Doctor Devil) but you were present in this action or passion rather, and helped to boar holes in ships, to make them sink faster; and rinse out Galley-foistes with salt wa●●r, that stunk like fusty barrels wit their masters fear. It will be a good while hre you do as much for the King, as you did for his subjects. I would have ye persuade an Army of gouty Usurers to go to Sea upon a boon voyage: try if you can tempt Envy to embark himself in the ma●● adventure, and leave troubling the stream, that Poets and good fellows may drink, and Soldiers may sing Place●o, that have murmured so long at the waters of strife.  
But that will never be: for so long as Pride, Riot, and whoredom are the companions of young Courtiers, they will always he hungry, and ready to bite at every Dog that hath a bone given him beside themselves. jesus, what secret grudge and rancour reigns amongst them, one being ready to despair of himself, if he see the Prince but give his fellow a fair look: or to die for grief if he be put down in bravery never so little. Yet this custom have our false hearts fetched from other countries, that they will swear and protest love, where they hate deadly, and smile on him most kindly, whose subversion in soul they have vowed. Fraus sublimi regnat in dula T●● rare to find a true friend in King's Palaces; Either thou must be so miserable, that thou fall into the hands of scornful pity, or thou 〈◊〉 not escape the sting of envy. In one thought assemble the famous men of all ages, and tell me which of them all sat in the sunshine of his sovereigns' grace, or wext great of low beginnings, but he was spiteblasted, heaved at, & ill spoken of: and that of those that bore them most countenance. But were envy nought but words, it might seem to be only women's sin: 
Murder, the companion of Enu●●.  but it hath a lewd mate hanging on his s●eeue, called Murder, a stern fellow, that (like a Spaniard in fight) aimeth all all at the heart: he hath more shapes than Proteus, and will shift himself upon any occasion of revengement, into a man's dish, his drink, his apparel, his rings, his stirrups, his 〈◊〉.  
O Italy, * the Academy of manslaughter, 
Italy, the storehouse of all murderous inventions.  the sporting place of murder, the Apothe car● shop of poison for all Nations: how many kind of weapons hast thou invented for malice? Suppose I 〈◊〉 man's 〈◊〉 whose hust and yet lives, and cannot enjoy her for his iealong overlooking: Physic, or rather the art of murder (as it may be used) will lend one a Medicine which shall make him away, in the nature of that disease he is most subject to, whether in the space of a year, a month half a year, or what tract of time you will, more or less.  
In Rome the Papal Chair is washed every five year at the furthest with this oil of Aconitum. I pray God the King of Spain feasted not our holy father Sextus, that was last, with such conserve of Henbane, for it was credibly reported he loved him not, & this that is now, is a God made with his own hands as it may appear by the Pasquil that was set up of him, 
The Pasqui that was made upon th● last Pope. As Cardinal Who● s●y for example  in manner of a note, presently after his election. Sol, Re, Me, Fa, that is to say: Solus Rex me facit; only the K. of Spain made me Pope. I am no Chronicler from our own Country, but if probable suspicion might be heard upon his oath, I think some men's souls would not be canonised for Martyrs, that on the earth did sway it as monarchs.  
Is it your will and pleasure (noble Lants-grave of Limbo) to let us have less carousing to your health in poison, fewer under ha●d conspiring, or open quarrels, executed only in words, as they are in the world now a days: & if men will needs carouse, conspire, and quarrel, that they may make Ruffians hall of Hell: and there, bandy balls of Brimstone at one another shed, and not trouble our peaceable Paradise with their private but liburlies about strumpets, where no weapon (as in Adam's Paradise) should be named: but only the Angel of providence stand with a fiery sword at the gate, to keep out our enemies.  
APerturbation of mind (like unto Envy) is Wrath, 
The complaint of Wrath, ● branch of En●●●.  which looketh far lower than the former: For whereas Envy cannot be said to be, but in respect of our Superiors, Wrath respecteth no degrees nor persons▪ but is equally armed against all that offend him. A harebrained little Dwarf it is, with a swarth visage, that hath his heart at his tongue's end, if he becontraride, and will be sure to do no right nor take no wrong. 
〈…〉 are most angry.  If he be a judge or a justice, (as sometimes the Lion comes to give sentence against the Lamb) than he swears by nothing but by Saint Tyburn, & makes Newgate a Noun Substantive, whereto all his other words are but adjectives. 
New gate, a common name for all prisons, as Homo is a common name for a man or a woman.  Lightly he is an old man: (for those ●eares are most wayward and teatish) yet be he never so old or so froward, since Avarice likewise is a fellow vice of those frail years, we must set one extreme to strive with another, and allay the anger of oppression, by the sweet incense of a new purse of angels: or the doting Planet may have such predominance in these wicked Elders of Israel, that if you send your wife or some other female to plead for you, she may get your pardon upon promise of better acquaintance. But whist, these are the works of darkness and may not be talked of in the day time: Fury is a heat or fire, & must be quenched with maids water.  
Amongst other choleric wise justices, 
A tale of a wise justice.  he was one, that having a play presented before him and his Towneship, by Tarlton and the rest of his fellows her majesties servants, and they were now entering into their first merriment (as they call it) the people began exceedingly to laugh, when Tarlton first peeped out his head. Where at the justice not a little moved, and seeing with his becks and nods he could not make them cease, he went with his staff, and beat them round about unmercifully on the bare pates, in that they being but Farmers & poor country Hinds would presume to laugh at the Queen's men, and make no more account of her cloth in his presence.  
The causes conducting unto wrath are as divers, 
The nature of the Irish man  as the actions of a man's life. Some will take on like a mad man, if they see a pig come to the ●able. Sotericus the Surgeon was choleric at the sight of Sturg●on. The Irishman will draw his dagger, and be ready to kill and slay, if one break wind in his company: and so some of our English men that are Soldiers, if one give them the lie: but these are light matters, whereof Pierce complaineth not.  
Be advertised Master Os foetidum, Bedle of the Blackesmithes, that Lawyers cannot devise which way in the world to begs, they are so troubled with brabblements and suits every Term, of Yeomen and Gentlemen that fall out for nothing.  
If john a Nokes his hen do but leap into Elizabeth de Gaps close, she will never leave to haunt her husband. ●ll be bring it to a Nisiprius. O●● while, the Parson sueth the parishioner for bringing home his tithes: another while, the Parishioner sueth the Parson for not taking away his Tithes in time.  
I heard a tale of a Butcher, 
A merry tale of a Butcher & his Calu●●.  who driving two Calves over a Com-mon, that were coupled together by the necks with an Oaken With, in the way where they should pass, there lay a poor lean Marewith a galled back, to whom they coming (as chance fell out) one of one side, and the other of the other, smelling on her (as their manner is) the midst of the With that was betwixt the●●●ecks, rubbed her and grated her on the sore back, that she started and rose up, and hung them both on her back as a beam, which being but a rough plaster to her raw ulcer, she ran away with them (as she were frantic) into the Fens, where the Butcher could not follow them, and drowned both herself and them in a Quagmire. Now the owner of the Mare is in law with the Butcher for the loss of his Mare, and the Butcher enter changabley endites him for his Calves. I pray ye Timothy Tempter, be an Arbitrator be twixt them, and couple them both by the necks (as the Calves were) and carry them to Hell on your back, and then I hope they will be quiet.  
The chief spur unto wrath is Drunkenness, which as the touch of an Ashenbough, causeth a giddiness in the Uipers' head, and the Bat lightly struck with the leaf of a Tree, loseth his remembrance: so they being but lightly sprinkled with the juice of the Hop, become senseless, and have their reason strooken blind, as soon as ever the Cup scaleth the Fortress of their Nose. Then run their words at random like a dog that hath lost his master, and are up with this man and that man, and generally inveigh against all men: but those that keep a wet corner for a friend, and will not think scorn to drink with a good fellow and a Soldier: and so long do they practise this vain on their Alebench, that when they are sober they cannot leave it. There be those that get their living all the year long, by nothing but ●ayling. 
A tale of one Friar Cha●les, a foul mouthed knave.   
Not far from Chester, I knew an odd foul mouthed knave, called Charles the Friar, that had a face so pa●boyled with men's spitting on it, and a b●cke so often knighted in Bridewell, that it was impossible for any shame or punishment, to terrify him from ill speaking, noblemans he would liken to more ugly things than himself: some to After my hearty commendations, with a dash over the head: others, to guilded chines of beef, or a shoemaker sweeting, when he pulls on a shoe: another to an old verse in Cato, Ad consilium ne accesseris antequam voceris: another, to a Spanish Codpisse: another, that his face was not yet finished, with such like innumerable absurd illusions: yea, what was he in the Court, but he had a comparison in stead of a Captate to put him in. Upon a time being challenged at his own weapon in a private Chamber, by a great parsonage, (railing I mean) he so far outstripped him in vilanious words, and overbandied him in bitter terms, that the name of sport could not persuade him patience, nor contain his fury in any degrees of jest, but needs he must wreak himself upon him: neither would a common revenge suffice him, his displeasure was so infinite (and it may be common revenges he took before, as far as the whipcord would stretch, upon like provokements) wherefore he caused his men to take him, and bricked him up in a narrow chimney, that was Neque maior neque minor corpore locato, where he fed him for fifteen days with dread an● water through a hole, letting him sleep standing if he would, for lie or sit he could not, and then he let him out to see if he could learn to rule his tongue any better.  
It is a disparagement to those that have any true spark of Gentility, to be noted of the whole world so to delight in detracting, that they should keep a venomous toothed Cur, and feed him with the crumbs that fall from their table, to do nothing but bite every one by the shins that pass by. If they will needs be merry, let them have a fool and not a knave to disport them, and seek some other to b●stow their alives on, than such an impudent beggar.  
As there be those that rail at all men, so there be those that rail at all Arts, as Cornelius Agrippa De vanitate scientiarum, and a Treatise that I have se●ne in dispraise of learning, where he saith, it is the corrupter of the simple, the schoolmaster of 〈◊〉, the storehouse of treachery, the reviuer of vices, and mother of cowardiz alleging many examples, how there was never man egregiously evil, but he was a Scholar: that when the use of letters was first invented, the Golden World ceased, Facinusque i●uasit mortales: how study doth effeminate a man, dim his sight, weaken his brai●e, and engender a thousand diseases. Small learning would serve to confute so manifest a scandal, and Imagine all men like myself so unmoveablie resolved of the excellency thereof, that (will not by the underpropping of confutation seem to give the idle wi●ted a duer sarye so much encouragement, 
An inuecti●● against enemies of Poetry.  as he should surmise his superficial arguments had shaken the foundation of it: against which he could never ha●e 〈◊〉 his pen, if herself had not helped him to hurt h●r self.  
With the enemies of Poetry, 
Absit arrogantia, that this speech should concern all divines, but such dunces as abridge men of their lawful liberty and care not how unprepared they speak to their Auditory. Such Sermons I mean as our sectuaries preach in ditches and other Conventicles when they leap from the cobblers stall to their pulpits.  I care not if I have about, and those are they that tear me our best Writers but babbling Ballat-makers, holding them fantastical fools, that have wit, but cannot tell how to use it, I myself have been so censured among some dul-heade● * Divimes: who deem it no more cunning to write an exquisite Poem, than to preach pure Caluin, or distill the justice of a Commentary in a quarter S●rmon, Prove it when you will, you'slowe spirited Saturnists, that have nothing but the pilferies of your pen, to polish an exhortation withal: no eloquence but Tautologies, to 〈◊〉 the 〈◊〉 of, your auditory unto you: no invention but here is to be noted, I stole this note out of Beza or Marlorat: no wit to move, no passion to urge, but onelye● an ordinary form of preaching, blown up by use of often heating and speaking and you shall find there goes more exquisite pains and purity of wit, to the writing of one such 〈◊〉 Poem as Rosamond, than to a hundred of your dunstical * S●rmons.  
Should we (as you) borrow all out of others, and gather nothing of ourselves, our names should be baffled on every Booksellers Stall, and not a Chandler's Mustard-pot but would wipe his mouth with our waste paper. New Herring, new, 〈◊〉 must cry, every time we make ourselves public, or else we shall be 〈◊〉 with a hundred new titles of Idiotis●●e. Nor in Poetry an Art, where of there is no use in a man's whole life, but to describe discontented thoughts and youth full desires: for there is no study, but it doth illustrate and beautify. How admirably shine those Divines about the common mediocrity, that have tasted the sweet springs of Parnassus?  
Silver tongued Smith whose well tuned style hath made thy death the general tears of the Muses, 
Encomium H. Smithi.  queintlie couldst thou devise heavenly Ditties to Apollo's Lute, and teach stately verse to trip it as smoothly, as if Ovid and thou had but one soul▪ Hence alone did it proceed, that thou wert such a plausible pulpit man that before thou entredst into the rough ways of Theology, thou refinedst, preparedst, and purifidest thy mind with sweet Poetry. If a simple man's censure may be admitted to speak in such an open Theatre of opinions, I never saw abundant reading better mixed with delight, or sentences which no man can challenge of profane affectation, sounding more melodious to the ear or piercing more deep to the heart.  
To them that demand what fruits the Poets of our time bring forth, 
The fruits of Poetry  or wherein they are able to prove themselves necessary to the state. Thus I answer. First and for most, th●y have cleansed our language from barbarism and made the vulgar sort here in London (which is the fountain whose rivers flow round about England) to aspire to a richer purity of speech, than is communicated with the Commonalty of any Nation under ●eauen. The virtuous by their praises they encourage to be more virtuous, to vicious men they are as in●ernall hags to haunt their ghosts with eternal infamy after death. The Soldier in hope to have his high deeds celebrated by their pens, despiseth a whole Army of perils, and acteth wonders exceeding all human conjecture. Those that care neither for God nor the devil, by their quills are kept in awe. Multi famam (saith one) pauci conscientiam verentur.  
Let God see what he will, they would be loath to have the shame of the world. 
P lin. l. b. 3.  What age will not praise immortal Sir Philip Sidney, whom noble Salustius (that thrice siguler french Poet) hath famoused: together with Sir Nicholas Bacon Lord keeper, & merry sir Thomas Moor, for the chief pillars of our english speech. Not so much but Chaucer's host, Baly in Southworke, & his wife of Bath he keeps such a stir with in his Canterbury tales, shallbe talked of whilst the Bath is used, or there be ever a badhouse in Southwork. Gentles, it is not your lay Chronigraphers that writ of nothing but of Mayors and Sheriels' and the dear year, 
The dispraise of 〈◊〉 chronigraphers  and the great Frost, that can endow your names with never dated glory: for they want the wings of choice words to fly to heaven, which we have: they cannot sweeten a discourse, or wrest admiration from men reading, as we can: reporting the meanest accident. Poetry is the honey of all flowers, the quintessence of all Sciences, the Marrow ●f Witte, and the very Phrase of Angels: how much better is it then to have an eligant Lawyer to plead one's cause, than a s●utting Townsman that loseth himself in his tale, and doth nothing but make legs: so much it is better for a Nobleman or Gentleman, to have his honour's story related, and his deeds emblazond by a Poet, than a Citizen.  
Alas poor latinlesse Authors, they are so simple they know not what they do; They no sooner spy a new Ballad, and his name to it that compiled it: but they put him in for one of the learned men of our time, I marvel how the masterless men, that set up their bills in Paul's for services, & such as pa●●e up their papers on every post, for Arithmetic and writing Schools, scape eternity amongst them; I believe both they and the Knight Marshals men, that nail up Mandates at the Court g●●, for annoying the Palace with filth or making water, if they set their names to the writing, will shortly make up the number of the learned men of our time, and be as famous as the rest. For my part I do challenge no praise of learning to myself, yet have I worn a gown in the University, and so hath Caret tempus non habet moribus: but this I dare presume that if any Maecenas bind me to him by his bounty or extend some sound liberality to me worth the speaking of, I will do him as much honour as any Poet of my beardless years shall in England, Not that I am so confident what I can do, but that I attribute so much to my thankful mind about others, which I am persuaded would enable me to work miracles.  
On the contrary side, if I be evil entreated, or sent away with a Flea in mine ear, let him look that I will rail on him sound: not for an hour or a day, whiles the injury is fresh in my memory: but in soire elaborate polished Poem, which I will leave to the world when I am dead, to be aliving Image to all ages, of his beggarly parsimony and ignoble illiberalti●: and let him not (whatsoever he be) measure the weight of my words by this book, where I writ quicksands quid in buccam venerit, as fast as my hand can troth: but I have terms (if I be vexed) laid in sleep in Aquafortis, 
I would tell you in what book it is, but I am afraid it would make his book sell in his latter days, which hitherto hath lain dead and been a great loss to the Printer.  & Gunpowder, that shall rattle through the Skies and make an Earthquake in a Peasants ears. Put case (since I am not yet out of the Theme of Wrath) that some tired jade belonging to the Press, whom I never wronged in my life; hath named me expressly in Print (as I will not do him) and accuse me of want of learning, upbraiding me for reviving in an epistle of mine the reverent memory of Sir Thomas Moor, Sir john Cheek, Doctor Watson, Doctor Haddon, Doctor Car, Master Ascham, as if they were no meat but for his Master ships mouth. or none but some such as the son of a ropemaker were worthy to mention them. To show how I can rail, thus would I begin to rail on him. Thou that hadst thy hood turned over thy ears when thou wert a Bachelor, for abusing of Aristotle, & setting him upon the School gates painted with Ass' ears on his head: is it any discredit for me, thou great babound, thou Pigmy Braggart, thou Pamphleter of nothing but * Peants, 
Look at the Chandler's shop, or at the Flaxwives' stall, if you see no tow nor Soap wrapped upon the title page of such a Pamphlet, as Incerti Authoris jopaean.  to be censured by thee, that hast scorned the Prince of Philosophers; thou that in thy Dialogues sold'st Huny for a halfpenny, and the choicest Writers exant for cues a pe●ce, that camest to the Logic Schools when thou wert a Freshman and writ'st phrases, off with thy gown and untruss, for I mean to lash thee mightily. Thou hast a Brother hast thou not, student in Almanacs, go too I'll stand to it, fathered one of thy bastards (a book I mean) which being of thy begetting was set forth under his name.  
Gentlemen, I am sure you have heard of a ridiculous Ass that many years since sold liars by the great, and wrote an obsurd Astrological Discourse of the terrible Conjunction of Saturn and jupiter, wherein (as if he had ●ately cast the heavens water, or been at the anatomizing of the Skies entrails ●n Surgeons hall) he prophesieth of such strange wonders to ensue from stars destemperature, and the unuseall adultery of Planets, as none but he that is Bawd to those celestial bodies, could ever descry. What expectation there was of it both in town 〈◊〉 country, ●he amazement of those times may 〈◊〉: and the rather because he pawned his * ●redit upon it, in these express terms; 
Which ●t home 〈◊〉 was worth a dozen of halters at least, for if I be not deceived his father was a Ropemaker.  If these things fall not out in every point as I have wrote, let me for ever hereafter lose the credit of my Astronimie. Well so it happened, that he happened not to be a man of his word; his Astronimie broke his day with his creditors and Saturn and jupiter proved honester men than all the World took● them for: whereupon, the poor Prognosticator 〈◊〉 ready to 〈◊〉 himself through with his jacobs' Staff, and east himself headlong from the top of a Globe (as a mountain) and break his neck. The whole University hyst at him, Tarlton at the Theatre made jests of him, and Elderton consumed his ale-cr●mmed nose to nothing, in bearbayting him with whole bundles of ballets. Would you in likely reason guess it were possible for any shame-swolne ●oad to have the spet-proofe face to out live this disgrace? It is deate brethren, Vivit imo vivit, and which is more, he is a vicar.  
Poor Slave. I pity thee that thou hadst no more grace but to come in my way, Why, could not you have sat quiet at home, and writ Catechisms, but you must be comparing me to Martin? and exclaim against me for reckoning up the high Scholars or worthy memory? jupiter ingeniis prabat sua numina udium, saith ovid. Seque celebrari qu●libet ore si●it. Which if it be so I hope I am Aliquis, and those men quos honoris causa nominavi, are not great than gods, Me thinks I see thee stand quivering and quaking, and even now lift up thy hands to heaven, as thanking God my choler is somewhat assuaged: but thou art deceived, for how ever I let fast my style a little to talk in reason with thee that hast none, I do not mean to let thee scape so.  
Thou hast wrongedone for my sake (whom for the name I must love) T. N. the Master Butler of Pembroke Hall, a far better Scholar than thyself (in my judgement) and one that showeth more discretion and government, in setting up a size of Bread, than thou in all thy whole book. Why man, think no scorn of him for he hath held thee up a hundred times, whiles the Dean hath given thee correction, and thou hast ●apt and kneed him (when thou wert hungry) for a ●hipping. But that's nothing, for hadst thou never been beholding to him, nor holden up by him, he hath a Beard that is a better Gentleman than 〈◊〉 thy whole body, and a grave countenance like Cato, able to make thee run out of t●y wits for fear, if he look sternly upon thee. I have ●eade over thy Sheepish discourse of the Lamb of GOD and his enemies, and entreated my patience to be good to thee whilst I read: but for all that I could do with myself, (as I am sure I may do as much as another man) I could not refrain, but bequeath it to the Privy, leaf by leaf as I read it, it was so ugly, dorbellical and lumpish. Monstrous, monstrous, and palpable, not to be spoken of in a Christian Congregation: thou hast skumd over th● Sthoolemen, and of the froth of their folly, made a dish of divinity Brewis, which the dogs will not eat. 
His own words.  If the Printer have any great dealings with thee, he were best to get a privilege betimes, Ad imprimendum solum, forbidding all other to sell waste paper but himself, or else he will be in a woeful taking. The Lamb of God make thee a wiser Bell-wether than thou art, or else I doubt thou wilt be driven to leave all and fall to thy father's occupation, which is, to go and make a rope to hang thyself. Neque enim Lex aequior ulla est, quam necis artifices arte periresu●: and so I leave thee till a better opportunity, to be tormented world without end, of our Paets and Writers about London, whom thou hast called piperlye Make-playes and Make-hates: not doubting but he also whom thou termest the vain Pap-hatcher, will have a flirt at thee 〈◊〉 day: all jointly driving thee to this issue, that thou shalt be constrained to go to the chief Beam of thy Be●●●ce, and there beginning a lamentable speech with cur scripsi, cur perit, end with para●um prava decent, juuat inconcessa voluptas, and so which a trice, truss up thy l●fe in the steing of thy Sancebell. So be it, pray Pen, Ink and paper on their kuees, that they way not be troubled with thee any more.  
Redeo ad vos m●i Auditores, have I not a indifferent prittye vain in Spurgalling an Ass? if you knew ●ow extemporal it were at this instant, and with what hast it is writ you would say so. But I would not have you think that all this that is set down here, is in good earnest, for than you go by S. Gyles, the wrong way to Westminster: but only to show how for a need I could rail, if I were thoroughly fired. So ho, Honiger Hammon, where are you all this while. I cannot be 〈◊〉 with you? Tell me what 〈◊〉 you think of the case, 〈◊〉 subject to the sin of Wrath I writ against or no, in 〈◊〉 my pen on this block. I know you would sam● have it so, but it shall not choose but be otherwise for this once. Come on let us turn over a new leaf, and hear what Gluttony can say for herself, for Wrath hath pet his poison, and full pla●●●s do well after extreme purging.  
THe Roman Emperors that succeeded Augus●us, 
The complaint of Glu●●ome  were exceedingly given to this horrible vice, where of some of them would feed on nothing but the tongues of Pheasants and Nightingales: other, would spend as much at one banquet, as a king's revenues came to in a year, whose excess I would decipher at large, but that a new Laureate hath saved me the labour: who for a man that stands upon pains and not wit, hath performed as much as any Story dresser may do, that sets a new English na● on an old Latin Apoth●gs. It is enough for me to li●ke dishes here at home, though I feed not mine eyes at any of the Roman feasts, Much good do it you Master Dives here in London: for you are he my pen means to di●e withal. Miserere mei, what a 〈◊〉 churl it is? Why, he hath a belly as big as the round 〈◊〉 Cambridge, a face as huge as the whole body of a base vial, ●nd legs that if they were hollow, a man might keep a mill in either of them. Experto credo Roberto, there is no mast like a merchants table. Bona fide, it is a great misture, that we have not men swine as well as beasts, for than we should have pork that hath no more bones than a pudding, and a site of bacon that you might lay under your head in stead of a bolster. 
〈…〉   
It is not for nothing, that other Countries whom we upbraid with Drunkenness, call us bursten-bellied Gluttons: for we make our greedy ●aunches powdering tubs of bee●e, and eat more meat at one meal▪ than the Spaniard or Italian in a month▪ Good thrifty men▪ they draw out adinner with salads, like a Swart●utters suit, and make Madonna Nature their best Caterer. We must have our Tables furnished like Poulter's stalls, or as though we were to victual Noah's Ark again (wherein there was all sorts of living creatures that ever we●e) or else the goodwife will not open her mouth to bid one welcome. A stranger that should come to one of our Magnificoes houses, when dinner were set on the board, and he not yet set, would think the goodman of the house were a Haberdasher of Wilde-sowle, or a Merchant venture● of dainty meat, that sells commodities of good cheer by the great, and hath Factors in Arabia, Turkey, Egypt, and Barbary, to provide him of strange Birds, Chiva Mustard, and odd patterns to make Custards by.  
Lord, what a coil have we with this Course and that course, removing this dish higher, setting another lower, and taking away the third. A General might in less space remove his Camp, than they stand disposing of their gluttony. And where to tends all this gormandize, but to give sleep gross humours to feed on, to corrupt the brain, and make it unapt and unwieldy for any thing.  
The Roman Censors, if they lighted upon a fat corpulent man, they strait took away his horse, and constrained him to go a foot: positively concluding, his carcase was so puf● up with gluttony or idleness. If we had such horse-takers amongst us, and that surfit-swol●e Churls, who now ride on their foot-cloths, might be constrained to carry their flesh budgets from place to place on foot, the price of be●●et and cloth would fall with their bellies, and the gentle craft (alias the red herrings kinsmen) get more and drink less. Plenus venter nil agit libenter, & plures gula occidit quamgladius. It is as desperate a piece of service, to sleep upon a full stomach, as it is to serve in face of the bullet: a man is but his breath, and that may as well be stopped by putting too much in his mouth at once, as running on the mouth of the cannon. that is verified of us, which Horace writes of an outrageous eater in his time, Quicquid quaesierat ventr● done a bat avaro, Whatsoever he could rap or rend, he confiscated to his covetous gut. Nay, we are such flesh-eating Saracens, that chaste fish may not content us, but we delight in the murder of innocent mutton, in the unpluming of pullerie, and quartering of Calves and Oxen. 
A rare wit●●● jest of Doctor Watson. Or rather Belly-als, because all their mind is on their belly.  It is horrible and detestable, no godly Fishmonger that can digest it. R●port (which our moderners clip plundering Fame) puts me in memory of a notable jest I heard long a go of Doctor Watson, very conducible to the reproof of these ●●eshly minded Belials. He being at supper on a fasting or fish night at least, with a great number of his friends and acquaintance, there chanced to be in the company an outlandish Doctor, who when all other fell to such victuals (agreeing to the time) as were before them, be out stripped them, and there being one joint of flesh on the table for such as had weak stomachs, fell freshly to it. After that hunger (half conquered) had restored him to the use of his speech, for his excuse he said to his friend that brought him thither, Profecto Domine, ego sum malissimus piscator, meaning by piscator, a Fishman: (which is a liberty, as also malissimus, that outlandish men in their familiar talk to challenge, at least use above us,) At tues bonissimus carnifex, quoth Doctor Watson, retorting very merrily his own licentious figures upon him. So of us may it be said we are Malissimipiscatores, but bonissimi carnifices. I would English the jest for the edification of the temporality, but that it is not so good in English as in Latin: and though it were as good, it would not convert clubs and clouted shone from the flesh pots of Egypt, to the Provant of the Lowe-countries, for they had rather (with the Servingman) put up a Supplication to the Parliament house, that they might have a yard of pudding for a penny, than desire (with the Baker) there might be three ounces of bread sold for a half penny.  
Alphonsus' King Phillip's Confessor, that came over with him to England, 
The moderation of F●yer Alphonso, K. Philip's Confessor.  was such a moderate man in his dye●, that he would feed but once a day, and at that time he would feed so slenderly and sparingly, as scarce served to keep life and soul together, one night importunately invited to a solemn banquet, for fashion sake, he sat down among the rest, but by no entreaty could be drawn to eat any thing: at length fruit being set on the board, he reached an apple out of the dish, and put it in his pocket. which one marking, that sat right over against him, asked him, Domine ●ur es solicitus in crastinum? Sir, why are you careful for the morrow? Whereto he answered most soberly, Imo hoc facio mi amice, ut ne sim solicitus in crastinum: No, I do it my friend, that I may not be careful for the morrow: as though his appetite were a whole day contented with so little as an apple, and that it were enough to pay the morrows tribute to Nature.  
Rare and worthy to be registered to all posterities, 
The strange alteration of the County Molines the Prince of Parmas' Companion.  is the County Molines (sometime the Prince of Parmaes' Companion) altered course of life, who being a man that lived in as great pomp and delicacy, as was possible for a man to do, and one that wanted nothing but a kingdom that his heart could desire. Upon a day e●tering into a deep melancholy by himself, he fell into a discursive consideration, what this world was, how vain and transitory the pleasures thereof, and how many times he had offended God by surfeiting, gluttony, drunkenness, pride, whoredom and such like, and how hard it was for him that lived in that prosperity that he did, not to be entangled with those pleasures: whereupon he presently resolved twixt God and his own conscience, to forsake it and all his allurements, and betake hime to the severest form of life used in their state. And with that called all his Soldiers and acquaintance together, and making known his intent unto them, he distributed his living and possessions (which were infinite) amongst the poorest of them: and having not left himself the worth of one farthing under heaven, betook him to the most beggarly newere●●ed Order of the Friar Capuchins. The● Institution is, that they shall possess nothing whatsoever of their own, more than the cloa●hes on their backs, continually go bare foot, wear hair shirts, and lie upon the hard board's winter and summer time, they m●st have no meat, nor ask any but what is given them voluntarily, nor must they lay up from any meal to meal but give it to the poor, or else it is a great penalty. In this severe humility lives this devout County, and hath do●e this twelvemonth submitting himself to all the base drudgery of the house, as fetching water, making clean the rest of their chambers, insomuch as he is the junior of the Order. O what a notable rebuke were his honourable Lowliness to succeeding pride, if this prostrate spirit of his were not the servant of Superstition: or he misspent not his good works on a wrong Faith.  
Let but our English belly-gods punish their pursy bodies with this strict penance, and profess Capuchinisme but one month, and I'll be their pledge they shall not grow so like dry-fats as they do. O it will make them jolly long wound to troth up and down the Dorter st●●●es, and the water-tankard will keep under the insurrection of their shoulders, the hair shirt will chase whoredom out of their bones, and the hard lodging on the boards take their flesh down a button hole lower.  
But if they might be iaduced to distribute all their goods amongst the poor, it were to be hoped Saint Peter would let them dwell in the suburbs of heaven, whereas other wise they must keep aloof at Pancridge, and not come nearer the liberties by five leagues and above. It is your doing (Diotrephes Devil) that these stal-●ed cormorants to damnation, 
The complaint of drunkenness.  must bung up all the wealth of the Land in their snaphance bags, and poor Scholars and Soldiers wander in back lanes, and the outshiftes of the City, with never a rag to their backs: but our trust is, that by some intemperance o● other, 
Drinking supernag●lum, a devise of drinking new come out of France: which is, after a man hath turned up the bottom of the cup, to drop it on his nail & make a pearl with that is left, which if it shed & he cannot make stand on, by reason there's too much, he must drink again for his penance.  you will turn up their heels one of these years together, and provide them of such unthrifts to their heirs, as shall spend in one week amongst good fellows, what they got by extortion and oppression from Gentlemen all their life time.  
FRom Gluttony in meats, let me descend to superfluity in drink: a sin, that ever since we have mixed ourselves with the Low-countries, is counted honourable: but before we knew their lingering wars, was held in that highest degree of hatred that might be. Then if we had seen a man go wallowing in the streets, or line sleeping under the board, we would have spit at him as a toad, and called him foul drinken sw●e, and warned all our friends out of his company: now he is no body that cannot drink super ●agulum, carouse the Hunter's hoop, quaff upsey freze cross, with healths, gloves, mumps, frolickes, and a thousand such dominiering inventions. He is reputed a peasant and a ●oore that will not take his liquor profoundly. And you shall hear a Cavalier of the first ●eather, a princocks that was but a Page the other day in the Court, and now is all to be frenchified in his soldiers suit, stand upon terms with God's wounds you dishonour me sir, you do me the disgrace if you do not pledge me as much as I drunk to you: and in the midst of his cups stand vaunting his manhood: beginning every sentence, with when I first bore Arms, when he never bore any thing but his Lord's rapier after him in his life. If he have been over and visited a town of Garrison as a travailer or passenger, he hath as great experience as the greatest Commander and chief Leader in England. A mighty deformer of men's manners and features, is this unnecessary vice of all other. Let him be endued with never so many virtues, and have as much goodly proportion and favour as nature can bestow upon a man: yet if he be thirsty after his own destruction, and hath no joy nor comfort, but when he is drowning his soul in a gallon pot, that one beastly imperfection, will utterly obscure all that is commendable in him: and all his good qualities sink like lead down to the bottom of his carousing cups, where they will lie like lees and dregs, dead and unregarded of any man.  
Clim of the clough, thou that usest to drink nothing but scalding lead and sulphur in hell, thou art not so greedy of thy night gear. O, but thou hast a foul swallow, if it come once to carousing of human blood, but that's but seldom once in seven year, when there's a great execution, otherwise thou art ●ide at rack and manger, and drinkest nothing but the Aqua vitae of vengeance all thy life time. The Prover be gives it forth, thou art a knave, and therefore I have more hope thou art some manner of good fellow: let me entreat thee (since thou hast other iniquities enough to cirumvent us withal) to wipe this sin ou● of the catalogue of thy subtleties; 
King Edgar's ordinance against drinking  help to blast the U●●es that they may bear no more grapes, and sour the wines in the cellars of merchants storehouses, that our Countrymen may not piss out all their wit and thrift against the walls. King Edgar, because his subjects should not offend in swilling and bibbing, as they did, caused certain yron-cups to be chained to every fountain and wells side, and at every Vintners door, with iron pings in them, to stint every man how much he should drink: 
The wonderful abstinence of the Marquis of Pisana yet living.  and he that went beyond one of those pings forfeited a penny for every draft. And if Stories were well searched, I believe hoops in qua●t pots were invented to that end, that every man should take his hoop, and no more. I have heard it justified for a truth by great Personages, that the old marquess of Pisana (who yet lives) drinks not once in seven year: and I have read of one Andron of Argos, that was so seldom thirsty, that he travailed over the hot burning lands of Lybia, and never drank●. Then why should ou● cold Clime bring forth such ster●e throats. A●e we more thirsty than Spain and Italy where the suns force is doubled? The Germans and low Dutch, me thinks should be continually kept moist with the foggy air and stinking mists that arise out of their fenny soil: but as their Country is overflowen with water, so are their heads always overflowen with wine, and in their bellies they have standing quag-mires and ●ogs of English beer. 
The 〈◊〉 laws amongst drunkar●s   
One of their breed it was that writ the Book De Arte bibendi: a worshipful treatise, fit for none but Silenus and his Ass to set forth: besides that volume, we have general rules and injunctions, as good as printed precepts, or Statutes set down by Act of Pa●liament that go from drunkard to drunkard; as still to keep your first man, not to leave any flocks in the bottom of the cup, to knock the glass on your thumb when you have done, to have some shoeing horn to pull on your wine, as a rasher of the coals, or a red herring, to stir it about with a candle send to make it taste better, and not to hold your peace whiles the pot is stirring.  
Nor have we one or two kind of drunkards only, 
The 〈…〉 drunkenness.  but eight kinds. The first is Ape drunk, and he leaps, and sings, and hollows, and danceth for the heavens: the second is Lion drunk, and he flings the pots about the house, calls his Hostess whore, breaks the glass windows with his dagger, and is apt to quarrel with any man that speaks to him: the third is Swine drunk, heavy, bumpish, and sleepy, and cries for a little more drink, and a few more clothes: the fourth is Sheep drunk, wise in his own conceit, when he cannot bring forth a right word, the fifth is Mawdlen drunk, when a fellow will weep for kindness in the midst of his Ale, and kiss you, saying; By God Captain I love thee, go thy ways thou dost not think so often of me as I do of thee, I would (if it pleased GOD) I could not love thee so well as I do, and then he puts his finger in his eye, and cries: the sixth is Martin drunk, when a man is drunk and drinks himself soberere he stir: the seventh is Goat drunk, when in his drunkenness he hath no mind but on Lechery: the eighth is Fox drunk, when he is crafty drunk, as many of the Dutch men be, will never bargain but when they are drunk. All these species and more I have seen practised in one Company at one sitting, when I have been permitted toremaine sober amongst them, only to note their several humours. He that plies any one of them hard, it will make him to write admirable ve●●es, to have a deep casting head, though he were never so very a Dunce before.  
Gentlemen, 
The discommodities of drunkenness.  all you that will not have your brains twis● sodden, your flesh rotten with the Dropsy, that love not to go in greasy doublets, stockings out at the heels, and wear alehouse daggers at your backs, forswear this slavering bravery, that will make you have stinking breaths, and your bodies smell like Brewer's aprons: rather keep a snuff in the bottom of the glass to light you to bed withal, than leave never an eye in your head to lead you over the threshold. It will bring you in your old age to be companions with none but Porters and Car men, to talk out of a Cage, railing as drunken men are wont, a hundred boys wondering about them; and to die soda●●ly as Folly Long the Fencer did, drinking Aqua vitae. From which (as all the rest) good Lord deliver Pierce Penniless.  
THe nurse of this enormity (as of all evils) is Idleness or sloth, 
The complaint of Sloth.  which having no painful Province to set himself a work, runs headlong with the 〈◊〉 in his own hand into all lasciviousness and sensuality that may be. Men when they are idle, and know not what to do, saith one let us go to the Stillyard and drink Rhenish wine. Nay, if a man knew where a good whorhouse were saith another, it were somewhat like. 〈◊〉 says the third, let us go to a di●cing-house or a bowling alley, and there we shall have some sport for our money. To one of these three, (at hand quoth pickpurse) your evil Angelship master maniheaded beast conducts them, Vbi quid agitur betwixt you and their souls be it, for I am no Drawer, Box-keeper, or Pander, to be privy to their sports. If I were to point Sloth, (as I am not seen in the sweetening) by Saint john the Evangelist I swear, I would draw it like a Stationer that I know, with his thumb under his girdle, who if a man come to his stall and ask him for a book, never stirs his head, or looks upon him, but stands stone still, and speaks not a word: only with his little finger points backwards to his boy, who must be his interpreter, and so all the day gaping like a dumb image he sits without motion, except at such times as he goes to dinner or supper: for than he is as quick as other three, eating six times every day. 
Videlicer, before he come out of his bed, than a se● breakfast, than dinner, than afternoons nunching, a supper and a rere-supper.  If I would range abroad, and look in at sluggards key holes, I should find a number lying a bed to save charges of ordinaries, in winter when they want string, losing half a week's Commons together, to keep them warm in the linen. And hold you content, this Summer an undermeale of an afternoon long doth not amiss to exercise the eyes withal. Fat men and Farmer's sons that sweat much with eating hard cheese and drinking old wine, must have some more ease than young boys that take their pleasure all day running up and down.  
Setting jesting a side, I hold it a great disputable question which is a more evil man, of him that is an idle glutton at home, 
Which is ●etter of the 〈◊〉 glutton, or vagrant unthrift.  or a reckless unthrift abroad? The glutton at home doth nothing but engender diseases, pamper his flesh unto last, and is good for none but his own gut: the unthrift abroad exerciseth his body at dancing school, fence school, tennis, and all such recreations: the vintners, the victuallers, the dicing houses, and who not, get by him. Suppose he lose a little now and then at play, it teacheth him wit: and how should a man know to eschew vices, if his own experience did not acquaint him with their inconveniences? Omne ignotum pro magnifico est: that villainy we have made no assays in, we admire. Besides, my vagrant Reveller haunts Plays, & sharpens his wits with frequenting the company of Poets; he emboldens his blushing face by courting fair women on the sudden, and look into all Estates, by conversing with them in public places. Now tell me whether of these two, the heavy headed gluttonous house dove, or this lively wanton young Gallant, is like to prove the wiser man, and better member in the Commonwealth. If my youth might not be thought partial, the fine qualified Gentleman, although unstaide, should carry it clean away from the lazy clownish drone.  
Sloth in Nobility, Courtiers, Scholars, or any men is the chiefest cause that brings them in contempt. 
The effects of sloth.  For as industry and unfatigable toil raiseth mean persons from obscure houses to high thrones of authority: ●o Sloth and sluggish security causeth proud Lords to tumble from the towers of their starry descents, and ●e crod under foot of every inferior Be sonian. Is it the lofty treading of a Galliard, or fine grace in telling of a love tale amongst Ladies, can make a man reverenst of the multitude? ●o, they care not for the false glistering of gay garments, or insinuating courtesy of a carpet Peer: but they delight to see him shine in armour, and oppose himself to honourable danger, to participate a voluntary penury with his Soldiers, and relieve part of their wants out of his own purse. That is the course he that will be popular must take, which if he neglect, and sit dallying at home, nor will be awaked by any indignities out of his lovedreame, but suffer every upstart groom to def●e him, set him at nought, and shake him by the beard unrevengde, let him strait take orders, and be a Churchman, and then his patience may pass for a virtue: but otherwise, he shall be suspected of cowardice, and not cared for of any. The only enemy to Sloth, is contention and emulation; 
The means to auo●de de Sloth.  as to propose one man to myself, that is the only mirror of out Age, and strive to out-go him in virtue. But this strife must be so tempered, that we fall not from the eagerness of praise, to the envying of their persons: for than we leave running to the goal of glory, to spurue at a stone that lies in our way; and so did Atlanto in the midst of her course, stoop to take up the golden Apple that her enemy scattered in her way, and was outrun by Hippomenes. The contrary to this contention and emulation, is security, peace, quiet, tranquillity, when we have no aduersa●● to pry into our actions, no malicious eye, whose pursuing our private behaviour, might make us more vigilant over our imperfections, than otherwise we would be.  
That State or Kingdom that is in league with all the world, and hath no foreign sword to vere it, is not half to strong or confirmed to endure, as that which lives every hour in fear o● invasion. There is a certain waste of the people for whom there 〈◊〉 no use, but war: and these men must have some employment 〈◊〉 to cut them off: Nam si for as hostem non habent, domi inueni●●t. If they have no service abroad, they will make mutinies at home. Or if the affairs of the State be such, as cannot exhale all these corrupt excrements, it is very expedient they have some light toys to busy their heads withal, cast before them as bones to gnaw upon, which may keep them from having leisure to intermeddle with higher matters.  
To this effect, 
The defence of Plays.  the policy of Plays is very necessary, howsoever some shallow-braind censures (not the deepest searchers into the secrets of government) mightily oppugn them. For whereas the afternoon being idlest time of the day; wherein men that are their own masters, (as Gentlemen of the Court, the Inns of the Court, and the number of Captains and Soldiers about London) do wholly bestow themselves vpo● pleasure, and that pleasure they divide (how virtuously it skills not) either into gaming, following of harlots, drinking, or seeing a Play: is it not then better (since of four extremes all the world cannot keep them but they will choose one) that they should betake them to the least, which is Plays? Nay, what if I prove Plays to be no extreme: but a rare exercise of virtue? First, for the subject of them (for the most part) it is borrowed out of our English Chronicles, wherein our forefathers valiant acts (that have li●e long buried inrustie brass, and worm-eaten books) are revived, and they themselves raised from the Grave of Oblivion, and brought to plead their aged Honours in open presence: than which, what can be a sharper reproof to these degenerate effeminate days of ours.  
How would it have joyed brave Talbot (the terror of the French) to think that after he had line two hundred years in his Tomb, he should triumph again on the Stage, and have his bones new embalmed with the tears of ten thousand spectators at least, (at several times) who in the Tragedian that represents his person, imagine they behold him fresh bleeding.  
I will defend it against any Collian, or clubfisted Usurer of them all, there is no immortality, can be given a man on earth like unto Plays. What talk I to them of immortality, that are the only vnde●miners of Honour, and do en●ie any man that is not sprung up by base Brokery like themselves. They care not if all the ancient houses were rooted out, so that like the Burgomasters of the Low-countries they might share the government amongst them as State▪ and be quarter-maisters of our Monarchy. All Arts to them are vanity: and if you tell them what a glorious thing it is to have Henry the fifth represented on the Stage leading the French King prisoner, and forcing both him and the Dolphin to swear fealty. I, but (will they say) what do we get by it? Respecting neither the right of Fame that is due to true Nobility deceased, nor what hopes of eternity are to be proposed to adventurous minds, to encourage them forward, but only their execrable lucre, and filthy unquenchable avarice.  
They know when they are dead they shall not be brought upon the Stage for any goodness, but in a merriment of the Usurer and the Devil, or buying Arms of the Herald, who gives them the Lion without tongue, tail, or talents, because his master whom he must serve is a Townsman, and a man of peace, and must not keep any quarreling beasts to annoy his honest neighbours.  
In Plays, 
The use of Plays.  all co●sonages, all cunning drifts over-guylded with outward holiness, all stratagems of war, all the cankerworms that breed on the rust of peace, are most lively anatomised: they show the ill success of treason, the fall of hasty climbers, the wretched end of usurpers, the misery of civil dissension, and how just God is evermore in punishing of murder. And to prove every one of these allegations, could I propound the circumstances of this play and that play, if I meant to handle this Theme otherwise than obiter. What should I say more? they are sour pills of reprehension wrapped up in sweet words. Whereas some Petitioners of the Counsel against them object, they corrupt the youth of the City, 
The confutation of Citizen's objections against Players.  and withdraw Prentices from their work; they beartily wish they might be troubled with none of their youth nor their prentices; for some of them (I mean the ruder handicrafts servants) never came abroad, but they are in danger of undoing: and as for corrupting them when they come, that's false; for no Play they have, encourageth any man to tumults or rebellion, but lays before such the halter and the gallows; or praiseth or approveth pride, lust, whoredom, prodigality, or drunkenness, but beats them down utterly. As for the hindrance of Trades and Traders of the City by them, that is an Article foisted 〈◊〉 by the Vintners, Alewives, and Uictuallers, who surmise if there were no Plays, they should have all the company that resort to them, lie bowzing and beere-ba●hing in their houses every afternoon. Nor ●o, nor so, good brother bottle-ale, for there are other places besides where money can bestow itself: the sign of the smock will wipe your mouth clean; and yet I have heard ye have made her a tenant to your tap-houses. But what shall he do that hath spent himself? where shall he haunt? Faith, when Dice, Lust, and Drunkenness, and all have dealt upon him, if there be never a Play for him to go too for his penny, he sits melancholy in his Chamber, devising upon felony or treason, and how he may best exalt himself by mischief.  
In Augustus' time (who was the Patron of all witty sports) there happened a great Fray in Rome about a Player, insomuch as all the City was in an uproar: whereupon, the Emperor (after the broil was somewhat overblown) called the Player before him, and asked what was the reason that a man of his quality, durst presume to make such a brawl about nothing. He smilingly replied, It is good for thee O Caesar, that the people's heads are troubled with brawls and quarrels about us and our light matters: 
A Players witty answer to Augustus.  for otherwise they would look into thee and thy matters. Read Lipsius or any profane or Christian Politician, and you shall find him of this opinion. Out Players are not as the players beyond sea, a sort of squirting bawdy Comedians, that have whores and common Curtizens to play women's parts, and forbear no immodest speech, 
A comparison twixt our Players and the Players beyond the Sea.  or unchaste action that may procure laughter, but our Scene is more stately furnished than ever it was in the time of Roscius, our representations honourable, and full of gallant resolution, not consisting like theirs of Pantaloon, a Whore, and a Zany, but of Emperors, Rings and Princes: whose true Tragedies (Sophocleo cothu●no) they do vaunt.  
Not Roscius nor Aesop those admired tragedians that hau● lived ever since before Christ was borne, could ever perform more in action, 
The due commendation of Ned Allen.  than famous Ned Allen. I must accuse our Poets of sloth and partiality that they will not boast in large impressions what worthy men (above all Nations) England affords. Other Country's cannot have a Fiddler break a string, but they will put it in print, and the old Romans in the writings they published, thought scorn to use any but domestical examples of their own hom-bred Actors, Scholars and Champions, and them they would extol to the third and fourth Generation: Cobblers, Tinkers, Fencers, none escaped them, but they mingled them all in one Eallimafrey of glory.  
Hear I have used a like Method, not of tying myself to mine own Country, but by insisting in the experience of our time: and if I ever write any thing in Latin,) as I hope one day I shall) not a man of any desert here amongst us, but I will have up. Tarlton, Ned Allen, Knell, Bentlie, shall be made known to France, Spain, and Italy: and not a part that they surmounted in, more than other, but I will there note and set down, with the manner of their habits and attire.  
THe child of Sloth is Lechery, 
The seventh and last complaint of Lechery.  which I have plated last in my order of handling: a sin that is able to make a man wicked that should describe it; for it hath more starting holes, than a five hath holes, more Clients than Westminster-hall, more diseases than Newgate. Call a Lee●e at Byshopsgate, and examine how every second house in Shoreditch is maintained: make a privy search in Southwark, and tell me how many Shee-Inmat●s you find: nay, go where you will in the Suburbs, and bring me two Virgins that have vowed Chastity, and I'll build a Nunnery.  
Westminster, Westminster, much maidenhead hast thou to answer for at the day of judgement, thou hadst a Sanctuary in thee once, but hast few Saints left in thee now. Surgeons and Apothecaries, you know what I speak is true: for you live (like Summoners) upon the sins of the people; tell me, is there any place so lewd as this Lady London? not a Wench soever creeps out of the shell, but she is of the Religion Some wives will sow Mandrake in their gardens, and crosse-neighborhood with them is counted good-fellowship.  
The Court I dare not touch, but surely there (as in the Heavens) be many falling stars, and but one true Diana. Consuetudo peccandi, tollit sensum peccati, Custom is a Law, and Lust holds it for a Law, to live without Law. Lais that had so many Poets to her Lovers, could not always preserve her beauty with their praises. Marble will wear away with much rain: Gold will rust with moist keeping: and the richest garments are subject to Times Moath-frets, Clytaemnestra, that slew her husband to enjoy the Adulterer Aegistus, and bathed herself in Milk every day to make her young again, had a time when she was ashamed to view herself in a looking Glass, and her body withered, her mind being green. The people pointed at her for a murderer, young children howted at her as a strumpet: shame, misery, sickness, beggary, is the best end of uncleanness.  
Lais, Cleopatra, Helen, if our Clime hath any such, noble Lord warden of the witches and jugglers, I commend them with the rest of our unclean siffers in Shoreditch, the Spittle, Southwark, Westminster, & Turnbull street, to the protection of your Portership: hoping you will speedily carry them to hell, there to keep open house for all young Devils that come, and not let our air be contaminated with their six-pennie damnation any longer.  
Your Divelships bounden execrator, Pierce Penniless.  
A supplication call'st thou this. (quoth the knight of the post) it is the maddest Supplication that ever I saw; me thinks thou hast handled all the seven deadly sins in it, and spared none that exceeds his limits in any of them. It is well done to practise thy witt●, but (I believe) our Lord will cun thee little thanks forit.  
The worse for me (qouth I) if my destiny be such, to lose my labour every where, but I mean to take my chance be it good or bad. Well, hast thou any more that thou wouldst have me to do (quoth he?) O●ely one suit (quoth I) which is this, that sith opportunity so conveniently serves, you would acquaint me with the state of your infernal regiment: and what that hell is, where you Lord holds his throne; whether a world like this, which sprrites like outlaws do inhabit, who being banish from heaven, as they are from their Country, envy that any shall be more happy than they: and therefore seek all means possible that Wit or Art may invent, to make other men as wretched as themselves: or, whether it be place of horror, stench, and darkness, where men see meat, but can get none, or are ever thirsty and ready to swelled for drink, yet have not the power to taste the cool streams that run hard at their feet: where (permut at a vicissitudine) one ghost torments another by turns, and he that all his life time was a great fornicator, hath all the diseases of lust continually hanging upon him, and is constrained (the more to augment his misery) to have congress every hour with hags and old witches: and he that was a great drunkard here on earth, hath his penance assigned him, to carouse himself drunk with dishwash and Vinegar, and surfeit four times a day, with sour Ale and small Beer: as so of the rest, as the usurer to swallow molten gold, the glutton to eat nothing but toads, and the Murderer to be still stabbed with daggers, but never die: or whether (as some phartasticall refyners of philosophy will needs persuade us) hell is nothing but error, and that none but fools and idiots and Machanicall men that have no learning shall be damned: of these doubts if you will resolve me, I shall think myself to have profited greatly by your company.  
He hea●ing me so 〈◊〉 in matters above human capacity, entertained my greedy humour with this answer. Poets and Philosophers that take a pride in inventing new opi●ians, have sought to renown their wits, by hunting after strange conceits of heaven and hell; all generally agreeing, that such places there are, but how inhabited, by whom governed, or what betides them that are transported to the one or other, not two of them jump moon tale. We that to our terror and grief do know their dotage by our sufferings, rejoice to think how these silly flies play with the fire that must burn them.  
But leaving them to the Labyrinth of their fond curiosity; shall I tell thee in a word what Helliss? It is a place where the souls of untemperate men and ill●●ers of all sorts, are detained and imprisoned till the general Resurrection, kept and possessed chief by spirits, who lie like Soldiers in Garrison, ready to be sent about any service into the world, whensoever Lucifer their lieutenant General pleaseth. For the situation of it in respect of heaven, I can no better compare it than to Calais and Dover: for as a man standing upon Calais Sands may see men walking on Dover Cliffs, so easily may you discern Heaven from the farthest part of hell, and behold the melody and motions of the Angels and Spirits there resident, in such perfect manner, as if you were amongst them; which how it worketh in the minds and souls of them that have no power to apprehend such felicity, it is not for me to intimate, because it is prejudicial to our Monarchy.  
I would be sorry (quoth I) to importune you in any matter of secrecy: yet this I desice, if it might be done without offence, that you would satisfy me in full sore and according to truth, what the Devil is whom you serve? as also how he began, and how far his power and authority extends?  
Persie, believe me thou shrivest me very near in this latter demand, which concerns us more deeply than the former, and may work us more damage than thou art aware of: yet in hope thou wilt conceal what I tell thee, I will lay open ou● whole estate plainly and simply unto thee as it is: but first I will begin with the opinions of former times, and so hasten forward to that manifest verum that thou seekest. Some men there be that building too much upon reason, persuade themselves, that there are no Devils at all; but that this word Daemon, is such another moral of mischief, as the Poet's Dame Fortune is of mishap: for as under the fiction of this blind Goddess we aim at the folly of Princes and great men in disposing of honours, that oftentimes prefer fools and disgrace wise men, and alter their favours in turning of an eye, as Fortune turns her wheel: so under the person of this old Guathonicall companion called the Devil, we shroud all subtlety masking under the name of simplicity, all painted holiness devouring widows houses, all grey headed Foxes clad in sheeps garments; so that the Devil (as they make it) is only a pestilent humour in a man, of pleasure, profit, or policy, that violently carries him away to vanicie, villainy, or monstrous hypocrisy: under vanity I comprehend not only all vain Arts and studies whatsoever, but also dishonourable prodigality, untemperate venery, and that hateful sin of self-love, which is so common amongst us: under villainy I comprehend murder, treason, theft, cousnage, cutthroat covetise, and such like: lastly, under hypocrisy, all Mach●auilisme, puritanism, and outward gloasing with a man's enemy, and protesting friendship to him that I hate, and mean to harm: all underhand cloaking of bad actions with Commonwealth pretences: and finally all Italianate conveyances, as to kill a man, and then mourn for him, quasi ver● it was not by my consent, to be a slave to him that hath injured me, and kiss his foot for opportunity of revenge, to be severe in punishing offenders▪ that no●e might have the benefit of such means but myself, to use men for my purpose and then cast them off, to seek his destruction that knows my secrets: and such as I have employed in any murder or stratagem, to set them privily together by the ears, to f●ab each other mutually, for fear of bewraying me: or if that fail, to hire them to humour one another in such courses, as may bring them both to the gallows. These and a thousand more such flights hath hypocrisy learned by travailing strange Countries. I will not say she puts them in practice here in England, although there be a● many false brethren and crafty knaves here amongst us, as in any place: witness the poor Miller of C●●bridge, that having no room for his hen-loft, but the Testor of his bed, and it was not possible for any hungry Poulterer's to come there, but they must stand upon the one side of it, and so not steal them but with great hazard; had in one night notwithstanding (when he and his wife were a snorting) all the whole progeny of their Pullery taken away, and neither of them heard any stirring: it is an odd trick, but what of that, we must not stand upon it, for we have graver matters in hand, than the stealing of Hens. Hypocrisy I remember was our Text, which was one of the chief moral Devils out late Doctors affirm to be most busy in these days, and busy it is in truth more than any Bee that I know: now you talk of a Bee, I'll tell you a tale of a Battle-dore.  
The Bear on a time being chief Burgomaster of all the Beasts under the Lion, 'gan think with himself how he might surfeit in pleasure, or best husband's his Authority to enlarge his delight and contentment. With that he began to pry and to smell through every corner of the Forest for pray, to have a thousand imagynations with himself what dainty morsel he was master of, and yet had not tasted: whole Herds of sheep had he devoured, and was not satisfied? fat Oxen, Hayfers, Swine, Calves, and young Kids, were his ordinary viands: he longed for Horseflesh, and went presently to a me dow, where a fat Camel was grazing, whom fearing to encounter with force because he was a huge beast and well shod, he thought to betray under the colour of demanding homage, hoping that as he should stoop to do him truage, he might seize upon his throat and stifle him before he should be able to recover himself from his false embrace; but therein he was deceived: for coming unto this stately Beast with this imperious message, in stead of doing homage unto him, he li●ted up one of his hindmost heels, and stroke him such a blow on the forehead that he overthrew him. Thereat not a little moved and enraged, that he should be so dishonoured his inferior as he thought, he consulted with the Ape how he might be revenged.  
The Ape abhorring him by nature, because he over-lookt him so Lordly, and was by so many degrees greater than he was, advised him to dig a pit with his paws right in the way where this big boand Gentleman should pass, that so stumbling and falling in, he might lightly skip on his back, and bridle him, and then he come 〈◊〉 seize on him at his pleasure. No sooner was this persuaded, than performed: for envy that is never idle, could not sleep in his wrath, or overslip the least opportunity, till he had leene the confusion of his enemy. Alas goodly Creature, that thou mightest no longer live. What availeth thy gentleness, thy prowess, or the plentiful pasture, wherein thou wer● fed: since malice triumphs over all thou commandest? Well may the Mule rise up in arms, and the Ass bray at the Authors of thy death: yet shall their fury befatall to themselves, before it take hold on these Traitors. What needeth more words? the devourer feeds on his captive, and is gorged with blood. But as avarice and cruelue are evermore thirsty, so fared it with this hungry Usurper: for having fleshed his ambition with this treacherous conquest, he passed a long through a grove, where a Herd of Dear wear a ranging: whom when he had steadfastly surveyed from the fattest to the leanest, he singled out one of the fairest of the company, with whom he meant to close up his stomach in stead of cheese: but because the Woodmen were ever stirring thereabout, and it was not possible for one of his 〈◊〉▪ to commit such outrage undeseried, and that if he were espied, his life were in peril: though not with the Lion, whose eyes he could blind as he list, yet with the lesser sort of the brutish Commonalty, whom no flattery might pacify. Therefore he determined slyly and privily to poison the strearme, where this ●olly Forester wont to drink; and as he determined, so he did: whereby it fell out, that when the: Sun was ascended to his height, and all the 〈◊〉 Citizens of the Wo●d he took them to their Laire, this youthful Lord of the Lands, all faint and malcontent (as prophesying his near approaching mishap by his languishing) with a lazy wallowing pace, ●●●ayed aside from the rest of his fellowship, and betook him all carelessly to the corrupted fountain that was prepared for his Funeral.  
Ah, woe is me, this poison is pitiless. What need I say more, since you know it is death with whom it encounters. And yet cannot all this expense of life, set a period to insatiable Murder: but still it hath some anvil to work upon, and ouser-casts all opposite prosperity, that may any way shadow his glory.  
Too long it were to rehearse all the practices of this savage blood-hunter, how he assailed the Unicorn as he slept in his den, and tore the heart out of his breast ere he could awake: how he made the lesser beasts lie in wait one for the other, and the Crocodyle to cope with the Basilisk, that when they had interchangeably weakened each other, he might come and in suit over them both as her list. But these were lesser matters, which daily use had worn out of men's mouths, and he himself had so customably practised, that often exercise had quite abrogated the opinion of sin, and impudency throughlie confirmed an undaunted defiance of virtue in his face. Yet new-fangled lust, that in time is weary of welfare, and will be as soon cloyed with too much ease and delicacy, as Poverty with labour and scarcity, at length brought him out of love with this greedy bestial humour: and now he affected a milder variety in his diet: he had bethought him what a pleasant thing it was to eat nothing but honey another while, and what great store of it there was in that Country.  
Now did he cast in his head, that if he might bring the Husbandmen of the soil in opinion, that they might bu●e honey cheaper, than being at such charges in keeping of Bees, or that those Bees which they kept, were most of them Drones, and what should such idle Drones do with such stately Hives, or lie sucking at such precious Honny-combes; that if they were took away from them, and distributed equally abroad, they would relieve a great many of painful labourers that had need of them, and would continually live serviceable at their command, if they might enjoy such a benefit. Nay more, let them give Wasps but only the wax, and dispose of the honey as they think good, and they shall 〈◊〉 and buzz a thousand times louder than they, and have the bu●e fuller at the years end (with young ones I mean) than the Bees are wont in ten year.  
To broach this device, the Fox was addressed like a shepherds dog, and promised to have his Patent sealed, to be the King's Poulterer for ever, if he could bring it to pass. Faith, quoth he, and I'll put it in a venture, let it hap how it will With that he grew in league with an old Chameleon that could put on all shapes, and imitate any colour, as occasion served, and him he addressed sometime like an Ape to make sport, and then like a Crocodile to weep, sometime like a Serpent to sting, and by and by like a Spantell to fawn, that with these sundry forms, (applied to men's variable humours) he might persuade the world he meant as he spoke, and only intended their good, when he thought nothing l●sse. In this disguise, these two deceivers went up and down, and did much harm under the habit of Simplicity, making the poor silly Swains believe they were cunning Physicians, and well seen in all Cures, that they could heal any malady, though never so dangerous, and restore a man to life that had been dead two days▪ only by breathing upon him: above all things they persuaded them, that the honey that their Bees brought forth, was poisonous and corrupt, by reason that those flowers and herbs, out of which it was gathered and exhaled, were subject to the infection of every Spider and venomous Canker, and not a loathsome Toad (how detestable soever) but reposed himself under their shadow, and lay sucking at their roots continually: whereas in other Countries, no noisome or poisonous creature might live, by reason of the imputed goodness of the Soil, or careful diligence of the Gardeners above ours, as for example, Scotland, Denmark, and some more pure parts of the seventeen Provinces.  
These persuasions made the good honest Husbandmen to pause, and mistrust their own wits very much, in nourishing such dangerous Animals, but * yet I know not how antiquity and custom so over-rulde their fear, that none would resolve to abandon them on the sudden, till they saw a further inconvenience: whereby my two cunning Philosophers were driven to study Galen a new, and seek out splenative simples, to purge their popular Patients of the opinion of their old Traditions and Customs: which how they wrought with the most part that had least wit, it were a world to tell. For now nothing was Canonical but what they speak, no man would converse with his wife, but first asked their advise, nor pair his nails, nor cut his beard, without their prescription: so senseless, so wavering is the light unconstant multitude, that will dance after every man's pipe; and sooner prefer a blind harper that can squeak out a new hornpipe, than Alcinous or Apollo's variety, that imitates the right strains of the Doryan melody. I speak this to amplify the novel folly of the headlong vulgar, that making their eyes and ears vassals to the legerdemain of these juggling Mountbanks, are presently drawn to contemn Art and experience in comparison of the ignorance of a number of audacious idiots. The Fox can tell a fair tale, and covers all his knavery under conscience, and the Chameleon can address himself like an Angel whensoever he is disposed to work mischief by miracles: but yet in the end their secret drifts are laid open, and Lynceus eyes that see through stone walls, have made a passage into the close coverture of their hypocrisy.  
For one day, as these two Devisers were plotting by themselves how to drive all the Bees from their Honey combs, by putting wormwood in their Hives, and strewing Henbane and Rue in every place where they resort: a Fly that past by, and heard all their talk, stomaching the Fox of old, for that he had murdered so many of his kindred with his flail-driving tail, went presently and buzzed in Lynceus ears the whole purport of their malice, who awaking his hundred eyes at these unexpected tidings, 'gan pursue them wheresoever they went, and trace their intents as they proceeded into action, so that ere half their baits were cast forth, they were apprehended and imprisoned, and all their whole counsel detected. But long ere this, the Bear impatient of delays and consumed with an inward grief in himself, that he might not have his will of a fat Hind that outran him, he went into the woods all melancholy, and there died for pure anger: leaving the Fox and the Chameleon to the destiny of their desert, and mercy of their judges. How they scape I know not, but some say they were hanged, and so we'll leave them.  
How likest thou of my tale friend Persie? Have I not described a right earthly Devil unto thee, in the discourse of this bloody minded Bear? Or canst thou not attract the true image of hypocrisy, under the description of the Fox and the Chameleon?  
Yes very well (quoth I) but I would gladly have you return to your first subject, since you have moved doubts in my mind, which you have not yet discussed.  
Of the sundry opinions of the Devil thou meanest, and them that imagine him to have no existence, of which sort are they that first invented the proverb, Homo bomini Daemon: meaning thereby, that that power which we call the Devil, and the ministering Spirits belonging to him and to his kingdom, are tales and fables, and mere bug bearers to scar boys: and that there is no such essence at all, but only it is a term of large content, describing the rancour, grudge, and bad dealing of one man toward another: as namely, when one friend talks with another subtly, and seeks to dive into his commodity, that he may deprive him of it craftily: when the son seeks the death of the father, that he may be enfeoffed in his wealth: and the stepdame goes about to make away her son in-law, that her children may inherit: when brothers fall at jars for portions, and shall by open murder or privy conspiracy, attempt the confusion of each other, only to join house to house, and unite two Livelihoods in one: when the servant shall rob his master, and Men put in trust start away from their oaths and vows they care not how.  
In such cases and many more, may one man be said to be a devil to another, and this is the second opinion. The third is that of Plato, who not only affirmeth that there are devils, but divided them into three sorts, every one a degree of dignity above the other; the first are those, whose bodies are compact of the purest airy Element, combined with such transparent threads; that neither they do partake so much fire as should make them visible to sight, or have any such astinitie with the earth, as they are able to be priest or touched: and these he setteth in the highest incomprehensible degree of heaven. The second, he maketh these whom Apuleius doth call reasonable creatures, passive in mind and eternal in time, being those Apostata spirits that rebelled with Belzebub: whose bodies, before their fall, were bright and pure all like to the former: but after their transgression, they were obscured with a thick airy matter & ever after assigned to darkness, The third, he attributes to those men, that by some divine knowledge or understanding, seeming to aspire above mortality, are called Daemona, (that is) Gods: for this word Daemon contayveth either, and Homer in every place doth use it, both for that omnipotent power that was before all things, and the evil spirit that leadeth men to error: so doth Syrianus testify, that Plato was called Daemon, because he disputed of deep Commonwealth matters, greatly available to the benefit of his Country: and also Aristotle because he wrote at large of all things subject to moving and sense. Then belike (quoth I) you make this word Daemon, a capable name of Gods, of men and of devils, which is far distant from the scope of my demand: for I do only inquire of the devil, as this common appellation of the Devil, signifieth a malignant spirit, enemy to mankind, and a hater of God and all goodness. Those are the second kind said he, usually termed detractors or accusers that are in knowledge infinite, insomuch as by the quickness of their wits, and agreeable mixtures of the Elements, they so comprehend those seminary virtues to men unknown, that those things which in course of time, or by growing degrees Nature of itself can effect. They by their Art and skill in hastening the works of nature, can contrive and compass in a moment, as the Magicians of Pharaoh, who whereas nature not without some in terposition of time, and ordinary causes of conception brings forth frogs, serpents, or any living shing else, they without all such distance of space, or circumscription of season even in a thought as soon as their K. commanded, covered the land of A●gypt with this monstrous increase. Of the original of us spirits, the scripture most amply maketh mention, name lie that Lucifer (before his fall) an Archangel, was a clear body compact of the purest, and brightest of the air; but after his fall, he was veiled with a grosser substance, and took a new form of dark and thick air, which he still retaineth. Neither did he only fall, when he strove with Michael, but drew a number of Angels to his faction; who joint partakers of his proud revolt, were likewise partakers of his punishment, and all thrust out of heaven together by one judgement: who ever since do nothing but wander about the Earth, and tempt and enforce frail men to enterprise all wickedness that may be, and commit most horrible and abominable things against God. Marue●● not that I discover so much of our estate unto thee: for the scripture hath more than I mention, as S. Peter where he saith that God spared not his Angels that sinned. And in another place where he saith, that they are bound with the chains of darkness, and thrown headlong into hell: which is not meant of any local place in the earth, or under the waters: for as Austin affirmeth, we do inhabit the Region under the moon, and have the thick air assigned us as a prison, from whence we may with small labour cast our nets where we list: yet are we not so at our disposition but that we are still commanded by Lucifer (although we are in number infinite) who retaining that pride wherewith he arrogantly affected the majesty of God, hath still his ministering Angels about him, whom he emploies in several charges, to seduce and deceive as him seemeth best: as those spirits which the Latins call jovios and Antemeridianos, to speak out of Oracles, and make the people worship them as gods, when they are nothing but deluding Devils that covet to have a false Deity ascribed unto them, and draw men unto their love by wonders & prodigies, that else would hate them deadly, if they knew their malevolence and envy. Such a monarchizing spirit it was, that said to Christ, If thou wilt fall down and worship me, I will give thee all the kingdoms of the earth: and such a spirit it was that possessed the Libyan Sappho, and the Emperor Dioclesian, who thought it the blessedest thing that might be, to be called God. For the one being weary of human honour, and inspired with a supernatural folly, taught little bi●ds that were capable of speech, to pronounce distinctly Magnus Deus Sappho, that is to say A great God is Sappho: Which words when they had learned readily to carol, & were perfect in their note, he let them fly at random, that so dispersing themselves every where, they might induce the people to account of him as a God. The other was so arrogant, that he made his subjects fall prostrate on their faces, and lifting up their hands to him as to heaven, adore him as omnipotent.  
The second kind of Devils which he most employeth, are those Northern Marcijs, called the spirits of revenge, & the authors of massacres, and seedesmen of mischief, for they have commission to incense men to rapines, sacrilege, theft, murder, wrath, fury, and all manner of cruelties, and they command certain of the Southern spirits (as slaves) to wait upon them, as also great Arioch, that is termed the spirit of revenge.  
These know how to dissociate the love of brethren, and to break wedlock bands with such violence, that they may not be united, and are prodominant in 〈◊〉 other domisticall mutinies: of whom if thou list to hear more, read the 39 of Ecclesiasticus. The Prophet ●say maketh 〈◊〉 of another Spirit sent by God to the Egyptians, to make them stray and wander out of the way, that is to say, the Spirit of liing, which they call Bolychym. The Spirits that entice men to gluttony and lust, are certain watery spirits of the West, and certain Southern spirits as Nefrach & Ke●en, which for the most part prosecute unlawful loves, and cherish all unnatural desires: they wander through lakes, fish ponds and fens, and overwhelm ships, cast boats upon anchors, and drown men that are swimming: therefore are they counted the most pestilent, trouble some, and guile full spirits that are: for by the help of Alrynach a Spirit of the West, they will raise storms, cause earthquakes, whirlwinds, rain, hail or snow in the clearest day that is: and if ever they appear to any man, they come in women's apparel. The spirits of the air will mix themselves with thunder & lightning, and so infect the Clime where they raise any tempest, that suddenly great mortality shall ensue to the inhabitants from the infectious vapours which arise from their motions: of such S. john maketh mention in the 9 of the apocalypse: their patron is Mereris, who beareth chief rule about the middle time of the day. The spirits of the fire have their mansions under regions of the Moon, that whatsoever is committed to their charge, they may there execute, as in their proper consistory, from whence they cannot start. The spirits of the earth keep for the most part in Forests and woods, and do hunters much noyance, & sometime in the broad ●●eldes where they lead travelers out of the right way, or fright men with deformed apparitions, or make them run mad through excessive melancholy like Ajax Telamonius, & so prove hurtful to themselves, and dangerous to others: of this number the chief are Saviaab and Achymael spi●its of the cast, that have no power to do any great harm, by reason of ●he unconstancy of their affections. The under-earth spirits, are such as lurk in dens & little caverns of the earth, and hollow crevices of mountains, that they may dive into the bowels of the earth at their pleasure: these dig metals, and watch treasures, which they continually transport from place to place, that none should have use of them: they raise winds that vomit flames, and shake the foundation of buildings, they dance in rounds in pleasant lands, and green meadows, with noises of music and minstrelsy, & vanish away when any comes near them: ●hey will take upon them any similitude but of a woman, and terrible men in the likeness of dead men's ghosts in the night time: and of this quality and condition the Necromancers hold Gaziel, Fegor, and Anarazel, Southern spirits to be. Besides, there are yet remaining certain li●ng spirits (who, although all be given to lie by nature) yet are they more prone to that vice, than the rest, being named Pythonists, of whom Apollo comes to be called Pytheus: they have a prince as well as other spirits, of whom mention is made in the 3. book of kings, when he saith he will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all Ahabs' prophets: from which those spirits of iniquity do little differ, which are called the vessels of wrath, that assist Belial (whom they interpret a spirit without yoke or controller) in all damnable devices and inventions. Plato reports them to be such as first devised cards and dice, and I am in the mind, that the Monk was of the same order, that found out the use of Gunpowder, and the engines of war thereto belonging. Those that writ of these matters, call this Belial Chodar of the East, that hath all witches & coniurors spirits under his jurisdiction, & gives them leave to help jugglers in their tricks, & Simon Magus to do miracles; always provided they bring a soul home to their Master for his hire. Yet are not these all, for there are spirits called spies & tale carriers, obedient to Ascaroth, whom the Greeks call Daimona, and S. john The accuser of the brethren: also tempters, who for their interrupting us in all our good actions, are called our evil Angels. Above all things they ha●e the light and rejoice in darkness, disquieting men maliciously in the night and sometimes hurt them by pinching them or blasting them as they sleep but they are not so much to be dreaded as other spirits, because if a man speak to them, they flee away and will not abide. Such a spirit Plinius Secundus telleth of, that used to haunt a goodly house in Athens that Athenadorus hired; and such another Suctonius describeth to have long hovered in Lamianus Garden where Caligula lay buried, who for because he was only covered with a few clods, and unreventlie thrown amongst the weeds, he marvelously disturbed the owners of the garden, & would not let them rest in their beds, till by his Sisters returned from banishment, he was taken up, and intoombed solemnly. Pausanias avoucheth (amongst other experiments) that a certain spirit called Zazilus doth feed upon dead men's corpses, that are not deep interred in the earth as they ought: which to confirm, there is a inonderfull accident set down in the Danish history of Asuitus and Asmundus, who being two famous friends (well known in those parts) vowed one to another, that which of them two out lived the other, should be buried alive with his friend that first died. In short spabe A suitus fell sick and yielded to nature, Asmundus compelled by the oath of his friendship, took none but his horse and his dog with him, and transported the dead body into a vast cave under ●he earth, & there determined (having victualled himself for a long time) to finish his days in darkness, and never departed from him that he loved so dear. Thus shut up and enclosed in the bowels of the earth, it happened Eritus K. of Sweucland to pass that way with his army not ●ull two months after, who coming to the tomb of Asuitus, & suspecting it a place where treasure was hidden, caused his pioneers with their spades and mattocks to dig it up: whereupon was discovered the loathsome body of Asmundus, all to besmeared with dead men's filth, & his visage most ugly and fearful; which imbrued with congealed blood, and ●aten & torn like a raw ulcer, made him so ghastly to behold, that all the beholders were affrighted He seeing himself restored to light and so many amazed men stand about him, resolved their uncertain perplexity in these terms. Why stand you astonished at my unusual deformities? when no living man converseth with the dead, but is thus disfigured. But other causes have effected this change in me: for I know not what audacious spirit sent by Gorgon from the deep, hath not only most ravenously devoured my horse & my dog, but also hath laid his hungry paws upon me, and tering down my cheeks as you see, hath like wise rent away one of mine ears. Hence is it that my mangled shape seem so monstrous, and my human image obscured with gore in this wise. Yet scaped not this fell Harpy from me unrevenged: for as he assailed me, I caught his head from his shoulders, and sheashd my sword in his body. Have spirits their visible bodies said I, that may be touched, wounded, or pierced? Believe me, I never heard that in my life before this. Why quoth he, although in their proper essence they are creatures incorporal, yet can they take on them the induments of any living body what soever, & tranform themselves into all kind of shapes, whereby they may more easily deceive our shallow wits and senses. So testifies Ba●lius that they can put on a material form when they list. Socrates affirmeth that his Damon did oftentimes talk with him, and that he saw him and felt him many times. But Marcus Cherronesius (a wonderful discoverer of Devils) writeth, that those bodies which they assume, are distinguished by no difference of sex, because they are simple, and the discernance of sex belongs to bodies compound: yet are they flexible, motive, and apt for any configuration, but not all of them alike: for the spirits of the Fire and air have this power above the rest. The spirits of the water have slow bodies resembling birds & women, of which kind the Naiads & Nereieds are much celebrated amongst Poet. Nevertheless, how ever they are restrained to their several similitudes, it is certain that all of them desire no form or figure so much, as the likeness of a man, and do think themselves in heaven, when they are enfeoffed in that hue: wherefore I know no other reason but this, that man is the nearest representation to God, insomuch as the scripture saith, He made man after his own likeness and image: and they affecting by reason of their pride, to be as like God as they may, contend most seriously to shroud themselves under that habit. But I pray ●ell me this▪ whether are th●re (as Porphirius holdeth) good Spirits as well as evil. Nay certainly (quoth he) we are all evil, let Porphirius, Proclus, Ap●leius, or the Platonists dispute to the contrary as long as they will, which I will confirm to thy capacity by the names that are every where given us in the Scripture, for the devil which is the Summum genus to us all, is called Diabolus quafi deorsum ruens, that is to say falling downward, as he that aspiring too high, was thrown from the top of felicity to the lowest pit of despair: and sathan, that is to say, an Adversary, who for the corruption of his malice, opposeth himself ever against God, who is the chiefest good. In job, Behemoth and Leviathan, and in the 9 of the apocalypse, Apolyon, that is to say, a Subuerter: because the foundation of those virtues, which our high Maker hath planted in our souls; he undermineth and subverteth. A serpent for his poisoning, a Lion for his devouring: a furnace, for that by his malice the Elect are tried, who are vessels of wrath and salvation. In Esay, a Siren, a Lamia, a Scrich-oule, an Ostrich. In the Psalms, an Adder, a Basilisk, a Dragon. And lastly, in the Gospel, Mammon, Prince of this world, and the Governor of darkness: so that by the whole course of condemning names that are given us, and no one instance of any favourable title bestowed upon us, I positively set down that all spirits are evil. Now, whereas the Divines attribute unto us these good and evil spirits, the good to guide us from evil, and the evil to draw us from goodness, they are not called spirits but Angels, of which sort was Raphaell, the good Angel of Tobias, who exiled the evil spirit Asmodius into the desert of Egypt, that he might be the more secure from his temptation. Since we have entered thus far into the devils common wealth. I beseech you certify me thus much, whether have they power to hurt granted them from God, or from themselves; can they hurt as much as they wil Not so quoth he, for although that devils be most mighty spiries, yet can they not hurt but permissivelie, or by some special dispensation: as when a man is fal● into the state of an outlaw, the Law dispenseth with them that kill him, & the Prince excludes him from the protection of a subject, so, when a man is a relapse from GOD and his Laws, God withdraws his providence from watching over him, and authorizeth the devil as his instrument, to assault him and torment him, so that whatsoever he doth, is Limitata potestate, as one saith: insomuch as a hair cannot fall from our heads, without the will of our heavenly Father. The Devil could not deceive Achabs' prophets till, he was licenced by God, nor exercise his tyranny over job till he had given him commission, nor enter into the heard of swine till Christ bade them go. Therefore need you not fear the devil any whit as long as you are in the favour of God, who raineth him so strait, that except he let him lose he can do nothing. This man like proportion which I now retain, is but a thing of sufferance granted unto me to plague such men as hunt after strife, and are delighted with variance. It may be so very well, but whether have you that skill to foretell things to come, that is ascribed unto you? We have (quoth he) sometimes, not that we are privy to the eternal counsel of god, but for that by the sense of our airy bodies we have a more refined faculty of for seeing, than men possibly can have, that are chained to such heavy earthly moulder; or else for that by the incomporable pernicitie of those airy bodies, we not only out strip the swiftness of men, beasts & birds, whereby we may be able to attain to the knowledge of things sooner, than those that by the dullness of their earthly sense come a great way behind us. Herunto may we adjoin our long experience in the course of things from the beginning of the world, which men want and therefore cannot have that deep conjecture that we have. Nor is our knowledge any more than conjecture: for prescience only belongeth to God, & that guess that we have, proceedeth from the compared disposition of heavenly and earth lie bodies, by whose long observed temperature, we do divine many times, as it happens, & therefore do we take upon us to prophesy, that we may purchase estimation to our names, and bring men in admiration with that we do, and so be counted for Gods. The miracles we work, are partly contrived by illusion, and partly assisted by that supernatural skill we have in the experience of nature above all other Creatures. But against these illusions of your subtlety & vain terrors yovinflict, what is our chief refuge? I shall be accounted a foolish Devil anon, if I bewray the secrets of our kingdom, as I have begun: yet speak I no more than learned Clerks have written, and as much as they have set down will I show thee. Origin in his treatise against Celsus saith, there is nothing better for him that is vexed with spirits, than the naming of jesus, the true God, for he avoucheth, he hath seen divers driven out of men's bodies by that means. Athanasius in his book De variis questionibus saith, The presentest remedy against the invasion of evil spirits, is the beginning of the 67. Psalm, Exurgat Deus, & dissipentun inimici eius. Cyprian counsels men to adjure spirits only by the name of the true God. Some hold that fire is a preservative for this purpose, because when any spirit appeareth, the lights by little and little, go out as it were of their own accord, and the tapers are by degrees extinguished. Others by invocating upon God, by the name of Vehiculum ignis superioris, and often rehearsing the Articles of our faith. A third sort are persuaded that the brandishing of swords is good for this purpose, because Homer feigneth, that Ulysses sacrificing to his mother, wafted his sword in the air to chase the spirits from the blood of the sacrifice. And Sybylla conducting Aeneas to hell gins her charms in this sort.  
Procul, O procul, este prophani:  
Tuque iu vande viam, vaginaque eripe ferrum.  
Philostratus reporteth that he and his companions meeting that Devil which Artistes entitle Apolonius as they came one night from banqueting, with such terms as he is cursed in holy writ, they made him run away howling. Many in this case extol perfume of Calamentum paeonia, Menta palma Christi, and Appius. A number prefer the carrying of red Coral about them, or of Artemisia hypericon, Ruta verbena: and to this effect many do use the iyngling of keys, the sound of the harp, and the clashing of armour Some of old time put great superstition in characters, curiously engraved in their Pentagonon, but they are all vain, & will do no good, if they be otherwise used than as signs of covenant between the devil and them. Nor do I affirm all the rest to be unfallible prescriptions, though sometime they have their use: but that the only assured way to resist their attempts is prayer and faith, 'gainst which all the devils in hell cannot prevail. Enough gentle spirit I will importune thee no further, but commit this Supplication to thy care: which if thou deliver accordingiie, thou shalt at thy return have more of my custom: for by that time I will have finished certain letters to divers Orators & Poets, disperse in your dominions. That as occasion shall serve, but now I must take leave of you, for it is Term time, and I have some business. A Gentleman (a friend of mine that I never saw before) states for me, and is like to be undone if I come not in to bear witness on his side: wherefore Bazilez manus, till our next meeting.  
GEntle Reader tandem aliquando, I am at leisure to talk to thee. I dare say, thou hast called me a hundred times dolt for this senseless discourse: it is no matter, thou dost but as I have done by a number in my days. For who can abide a scurvy peddling Poet to pluck a man by the sleeve at every third step in Paul's Churchyard, & when he comes in to seruey his wares, there's nothing but purgations and vomits wrapped up in waste paper. It were very good the dog whipper in Paul's would have a care of this in his unsavoury visitation every Saturday: for it is dangerous for such of the queens liege people, as shall take a view of them fasting.  
Look to it you Booksellers and Stationers, and let not your shops be infected with any such goose gyblets or stinking garbage, as the jygs of newsmongers, and especially such of you as frequent Westminster hall, let them be circumspect what dunghill papers they bring thither: for one bad pamphlet is enough to raise a damp that may poison a whole Term, or at the least a number of poor Clients that have no money to prevent ill air by breaking their fasts ere they come thither. Not a base Inck●dropper or scurvy plodder at Noverint, but nails his asses cares on every post and comes off with long Circumquaque to the Gentleman Readers, yea the most excrementori● dishlickers of learning are grown so valiant in impudency, that now they set up their faces (like Turks) of grey paper to be spit at for silver games in Finsbury fields. Whilst I am thus talking, me thinks I hear one say, What a fop is this he entitles his book A Supplication to the Devil, and doth nothing but rail on idiots, and tells a story of the nature of Spirits. Have patience good sir, and we'll come to you by and by. Is it my Title you find fault with? Why, have you not seen a Town surnamed by the principal house in the town, or a Nobleman derive his Baronrie from a little village where be hath least I and? So fareth it by me in christening of my Book. But some will object, whereto tends this discourse of devils, or how is it induced? For soothe, if thou wilt needs know my reason, this it is. I bring Pierce Penniless to question with the devil, as a young novice would talk with a great travailer: who caring an englishman's appetite to inquire of news, will be sure to make what use of him he may, and not leave any thing unasked, that he can resolve him of. If then the devil be tedious in discoursing, impute it to Pierce Penniless, that was importunate in demanding; or if I have not made him so secret or subtle in his Art, as Devils are wont, let that of Lactantius be mine excuse lib. 2. chap. 16. de Origenis errore, where he saith, the devils have no power to lie to a just man and if they adjure them by the majesty of the high God, they will not only confess themselves to be Devils, but also tell their names as they are. Deus bone, what a vain am I fallen into? what, an Epistle to the Readers in the end of thy book? Out upon she for an arrent block, where learnedst thou that wit? O sir, hold your peace: a felon never comes to his answer before the offence be committed. Wherefore if I in the beginning of my Book should have come off with a long Apology to excuse myself, it were all one, as if a thief going to steal a horse, should devise by the way as he went, what to spoke when he came at the gallows. Here is a cross way, and I think it good here to part. Farewell, farewell, good Parenthesis, and commend me to Lady Vanity thy mistress. Now Pierce peniles if for a parting blow thou hast ere a trick in thy budget more than ordinary be not dainty of it, for a good Patron will pay for all. I where is he? Promissis quilibet dives esse Potest. But cap and thanks is all our Courtier's payment: wherefore I would counsel my friends to be more considerate in their Dedications, and not cast away so many months labour on a clown that knows not how to use a Scholar: for what reason have I to bestow any wit on him, that will bestow none of his wealth upon me. Alas, it is eas●e for a goodly tall fellow that shineth in his silks, to come and out face a poor simple Pedant in a thread bare cloak, and tell him his book is pretty, but at this time be is not provided for him: marry about two or three days hence if he come that way, his Page shall say be is not within, or else he is so busy with my L, How-call-ye-him, and my L. What-call ye-him, that he may not he spoken withal. These are the common courses of the world, whi●h every man privately murmurs at but none dares openly upbraid, because all Artists for the most part are bafe minded and like the Indians, that have store of gold & precious stones at command, yet are ignorant of their value, & therefore let the Spaniards, the Englishmen, and every one load their ships without molestation. So they enjoying and possessing the purity of knowledge (a treasure far richer than the Indian Mines) let every proud Thraso be partaker of their perfections, repaieng them no profit: and gild himself with the titles they give him, when he will scarce return them a good word for their labour: give an Ape but a nut, & he will look your head for it; or a dog a bone, and he'll wag his tail: but give me one of my young Masters a book, and he will put of his hat & blush, and so go his way: yes, now I remember me I lie, for I know him that had thanks for three years work, and a gentleman that bestowed much cost in refining of music, and had scarce Fiddlers wages for his labour. We want an Aretine here among us, that might strip these golden asses out of their gay trappings, and after he had ridden them to death with railing, leave them on the dunghill for carrion. But I will write to his ghost by my carrier, and I hope he'll repair his whip, and use it against our English Peacocks, that painting themselves with church spoils, like mighty men's sepulchres, have nothing but Atheism schism, hypocrisy, & vainglory, like rotten bones lie lurking within them. O how my soul abhors these buckram giants, that having an outward face of honour set upon them by flaterrs and parasites, have their inward thoughts stuffed with straw and feathers, if they were narrowelie lifted. Far be it bright stars of Nobility, and glistering attendants on the true Diana, that this my speech should be any way injurious to your glorious magnificence: for in you live those sparks of Augustus' liberality, that never sent any away empty: & Science seavenfold throne well nigh ruined by riot and avarice, is mightily supported by your plentiful largesse, which makes Poets to sing such goodly hymns of your praise, as no envious posterity may forget. But from general fame, let me digres to my private experience, and with a tongue unworthy to name a name of such worthiness, affectionately emblason to the eyes that wonder, the matchless image of Honour, and magnificent rewarder of virtue, Ioues Eagle-borne Ganymede, thrice nolle Amyntas. In whose high spirit▪ such a Deity of wisdom appeareth, that if Homer were to write his O dissea new (where under the person of Ulysses he describeth a singular man of perfection, in whom all ornaments both of peace and war are assembled in the height of their excellence he need no other instanc to augment his conceit, than the rare carriage of his honourable mind. Many writers and good wits, are given to commend their patrons and Benefactors▪ some for prowess, some for policy, others for the glory of their Ancestry and exceeding bounty and liberality: but if my unable pen should ever enterprise such a continuate task of praise, I would embowel a number of those wind puffed bladders, and disfurnish their baldpates of the periwigs Poets have lent them, that so I might restore glory to his right inheritance, and these stolen Titles to their true owners: which if it wo●ld so fall out, (as time may work all things) the aspiring nettles with their shady tops shall no longer over dréep the best herbs, or keep them from the smiling aspect of the Sun, that live & thrive by his comfortable beams, none but Desert should fit in Fame's grace, none but Hector be remembered in the chronicles of Prowess, none but thou most courteous Amyntas be the second mystical argument of the knight of the red-cross.  
Oh decus atque aevi gloria summa tui.  
And here (heavenly Spencer) I am most highly to accuse thee of forgetfulness, that in that honourable catalogue of our English Heroes, which ensueth the conclusion of thy famous Fairy Queen, thou wouldst let so special a pillar of Nobility pass unsaluted. The very thought of his far derived descent, & extraordinary parts wherewith he astonieth the world, and draws all hearts to his love, would have inspired thy forewearied Muse with new fury to proceed to the next triumphs of thy stately Goddess, but as I in favour of so rare a scholar, suppose with this counsel he refraind his mention in this first part, that he might with full sail proceed to his due commendations in the second. Of this occasion long since I happened to ●rame a sonnet which being wholly intended to the reverence of this renowned Lord, (to whom I own all the utmost powers of my love and duty) I meant here for variety of style to insert.  
Perusing yesternight with idle eyes,  
The Fairy Singers stately tuned verse:  
And viewing after Chap-mens' wont guise,  
What strange contents the title did rehearse.  
I straight leapt over to the latter end,  
Where like the quaint Comedians of our time,  
That when their Play is done do fall to rhyme,  
I found short lines, to sundry Nobles penned.  
Whom he as special Mirrors singled fourth,  
To be the Patrons of his Poetry;  
I read them all, and reuerenc●t their worth,  
Yet wondered he left out thy memory.  
But therefore guessed I he suppressed thy name,  
Because few words might not comprise thy fame.  
Bear with me gentle Poet, though I conceive not aright of thy purpose, or be too inquisitive into the intent of thy oblivion: for how ever my conjecture may miss the cushion, yet shall my speech savour of friendship, though it be not allied to judgement.  
Tantum hoc molior, in this short digression, to acquaint our countrymen that live out of the Echo of the Court, with a common knowledge of his invaluable virtues, and show myself thankful (in some part) for benefits received: which since words may not countervail, that are the usuail lip labour of every idle discourser, I conclude with that of Ovid: 
Accipe per longos tibi qui deseruiat annos,  
Accipe qui pura novit amare side.   
And if my zeal and duty (though all to mean to please) may by any industry, be reform to your gracious liking, I submit the simplicity of my endeavours to your service, which is, all my performance may proffer, or my ability perform.  
Praebeat Alcinoi pomabenignus ager,  
Officium pauper numeret studiumque fidemque.  
And so I break off this endless argument of speech abruptly.  
FINIS.