THE ANATOMYES' of the True Physician, and Counterfeit Mountebank: wherein both of them, are graphically described, and set out in their Right, and Orient Colours.  
Published in Latin by john Oberndorff, a Learned Germane: and Translated into English by F.H. Fellow of the Coll. of Physicians in LONDON.  
Hereunto is annexed: A short Discourse, or, Discovery of certain Stratagems, whereby our London-Empericks, have been observed strongly to oppugn, and oft times to expugn their Poor Patients Purses.  
LONDON Printed for Arthur johnson, and are to be sold at his shop in Paul's Churchyard, at the Sign of the Flower de Luce and the Crown. 1602.   

TO THE RIGHT HOnourable Sir john Popham, Knight, Lord chief justice of England, and One of her majesties most Honourable privy Council.  
GAlen one of the most famous Well-springs of Philosophy and Physic (Right Honourable) compareth, 
Lib. de praecog. ad Post hun qui rep. Tomo quart.  unlettered Empirics and Quacksalvers, unto thieves, and Robbers; making this only difference betwixt them, Quod high in Montibus & Syluis, Illi, in confortiss. Vrbibus insidientur. That is, they take a Purse by the highway, in Woods or Forests, but these do it in the most frequented and Populous Cities. This grave, juditiall, and Peremptory verdict and sentence, of that great Philosopher, and renowned Physician, doth more closely attach, and strongly arrest our ignorant Intruders, and bold Periclitators in the Practice of Physic, than all the world is aware of. This (I hope) shall evidently appear unto your L. by the two Treatises ensuing, the one of them, being written in Latin by a Learned Germane, and by me put into an English Coat, for the good of my Countrymen: and the other, a short Observation of mine own.  
It is a Maxim among Divines, that Simulata Sanctitaes, est duplex Iniquitas. In like sort it may be said, that feigned knowledge is double Ignorance, both because it is Ignorance, and because it lieth, and counterfeiteth Skill and Science. For if it be a point and part of good wisdom, for a man to see and acknowledge his own weakness and insufficiency, and thereupon, to keep within Compass, and meddle not (with the Shoemaker) Vltra Crepidam: It must needs be an increase of Folly, Vanity, and Arrogance, for any, to pretend Skill and knowledge in those Things wherein they are altogether unacquainted, and to profess those Arts, which they never learned. But our Empirics and Impostors, as they are too ignorant either to Teach or Practise Physic (which they never saluted from the threskhold) and too insolent, and arrogant to learn of the Masters of that Faculty, or to be reduced into Order; so are they most dangerous and pernicious unto the Weal-public. Among wild Beasts (saith one) Envy is most Savage & exitial, and among tamed Beasts Flattery. The reason is, because the Sycophant is least of all feared, and most difficultly discerned and discovered. These Crocodiles, disguised with the vizard of feigned Knowledge, and masking under the specious Titles of Physicians, and Doctors, not attained in Schools, but imposed by the Common people, do with their Absolonicall Salutations steal away the affections of the inconstant Multitude, from the Learned Professors of that Faculty, and with their Loablike embracings, stab to the heart their poor and silly Patients, ere they be aware, or once suspect such uncouth Treachery. The more worthy & excellent the Object of any Art is, the greater, and more dangerous is the Error of the Artist, if he fail in his Office. If a Tailor mar a Garment, or the Potter break the Vessel he should make, the matter is not great. But as he said in the Comical Poet, Grave est Periculun in Filio: So great is the Hazard, and greater is the Fault committed in the Body of Man, the Domicil and Palace of the immortal Soul, and (as Zoroaster calleth it) audacis Naturae stupendum Miraculum. I omit as small matter, their living upon the Spoil, and deceiving the People of their money and substance (which yet the good Magistrate doth undoubtedly respect) but their heinous offences against the precious Health and Life of Men, (whereof London hath many woeful Experiments in a year) are altogether intolerable, and in no wise to be silenced or pretermitted. Nevertheless it is strange to behold, and consider, how these circumforanian Impostors are dignified by the People, flocked and resorted unto in whole Troops, sought out far & near, and equalized with, nay (which is the greatest Indignity of all other) preferred & extolled before the most Grave, Learned, and best Experienced in that Profession. If a man have a scruple in Conscience, he will not repair unto an Hedge-priest (as they are called) or bare Reader, having no more Divinity than a Child of ten years old, for resolution, but to some Learned, godly and juditiall Divine. If a Suit in Law, he will not resort to a Husbandman or Artificer, for Counsel and Direction, but to a Skilful, well studied, and approved Lawyer: And yet (such is the extreme folly and madness of many Men), that in case of Health and Life, (Things most precious) they think every Tinker, Bankrupt, or wandering Fugitive, who hath over run his Creditors, forsaken his Trade, and seeketh to live (like a Drone without any Calling) a sufficient and complete Physician, to advise, counsel, and direct them. It will be said, that these goodfellows have been observed to perform some Cures, and to have good success in their Actions. It hath been likewise known, that a common Mariner, the Master and Governor of the ship dying, or miscarrying by some Accident, hath safely brought the Bark to shore, and arrived at the wished Haven: and yet no man (if he may choose) will willingly sail with such a Pilot. A Company of untrained and raw Soldiers, which never saw Field or War before, have vanquished, and put to flight a Band of Veterans, enured for many years, and well exercised in martial Affairs. And yet no Commander will prefer the punee, and freshwater Soldier, before the ancient, tried, and well-disciplined Warrior. una hirundo non facit Ver, Though that be admitted (which notwithstanding if the Instances be well scanned) will be a difficult matter to prove) yet I hold firmly (with incomparable Galen) my former Position, that they are bad and dangerous Members of the State, and in no sort sufferable in any well-ordered Commonwealth. I do therefore presume to offer these my slender travails unto your L. who as you are a zealous Lover of your Country, a forward Professor of the Gospel, an incorrupt, and upright justicer, a Friend to Virtue and Men of Desert, a professed Adversary to all Malefactors: So I nothing doubt, but you will take upon you the Patronage, of the Learned and honest Physician, against the Ignorant and Cozening Mountebank. Among your other manifold, and Honourable services, performed to your Prince, and Country, (whereby you have commended your Name and Memory to all Posterity), it is not the last nor least, that by your watchful Providence, and healthful justice you have cut off great numbers of Grassators, and Robbers, and in a manner, cleansed, scoured and rid the Realm, of those Monsters, and savage ravenous Beasts in the shape of Men. And I am persuaded, that your Ho. Endeavours in furthering and contenancing the catching and suppressing of these tame Beasts, or rather wily Foxes and Panthers, who with their subtle flights, sugared words, and sweet scents, do allure, entrap, and cirumvent the Simple, and pray upon both their Goods and Bodies at their pleasure, will be no less acceptable to God, profitable to your Country, grateful and commendable unto all succeeding Ages, than the former. But I need not spend words in persuading your L. who have already declared, your Honourable Inclination and forwardness unto that Business. Therefore fearing to be tedious, I desire only the continuance of your Honourable favour unto the Society whereof I am, in their just and honest Causes, & Affairs, and wish unto your L. from my most inward affections, increase of Honour, Length of Days, prosperous success in all your Honourable Enterprises for God's Church, and your Country's Good, Health of Body, tranquillity of mind, complete felicity in this world, and Eternal Happiness in that, which is to come.  
Your Ho. most humble, and addicted Client. F. H.   

IN ERUDITISSIMAM DISSERTATIONEM DE VEro & falso Medico, Clarissimi & dexterrimi Medici Domini D. joannis Oborndorfiis.  
Epigramma.  
QVI Squis es infestis, qui conflictabere morbis,  
Fac ratio Luctae constet ut ista tuae.  
Fluctuat, incerto Natura relicta a duello:  
Auxiliatricemqúe indiga poscit opem.  
Si rectum quaeras Medicum: geminaveris hostem  
Morbo, & victrici congrediêre manu.  
Sin faisum: gemino Natura occumbet ah hoste:  
Namque nec Alcides sustinet ipse duos.  
Hinc malè si proprijs se credit viribus aeger,  
Peius ad insulsum confugiet Medicum.  
Ergò ne pecces, hoc erudiêre libello,  
Hostem ut praevertas, Thesea quaere tuum.  
Caspar Stemper D.   

IN THEOREMATA DE VERO MEDICO, NOBILIS ET CLARISSIMI VIRI, Domini joannis Oberndorfferi, Physici & Medici celeberrimi.  
PSeudo prophetae Orbem Cacocaussidicique replêrunt,  
Quid Medicos mirum gliscere degeneres?  
De puduisse quibus decus est, qui pectora fraud  
Plena, manus letho, labra Thrasonis, habent.  
Multum vasa sonant inflata, & inania semper,  
strenuous ore magis, quò magis arte rudis.  
Nequior utque quis est linguâ, sic jura fidemque  
Promptior astutis dissecat insidijs.  
O nimium tortos prauâ vortigine sensus,  
Orbem, at non dabitur ludificare JOVAM.  
Quando venit scelerum gravis & iustissimus ultor,  
Fraus, fraudisque faber quilibet, igne perit.  
Interea felix, qui quit dignoscere VERUM.  
A FALSO: oris JOVAE, instar is est DOMINI.  
A VLLI educis Medicâ PRECIOSIVS Arte,  
JANE, & O BERNDORFFI hinc nobile nomen habes,  
Nobile nomen habes, genus & doctrina SUPREMUM  
Tefaciunt Medico nempè cluére Choro,  
M. Christophorus Danae vêrus Ratisp. P. L. l. m. accinebat.   

AD NOBILEM ET CLARISSMUM VIRUM, JOANNEM Oberndorfferum, Medicae disciplinae Doctorem: in suam Veri Falsique Medici Schemam.  
OMnia nunc passim toto vertuntur in orb;  
Flebile ad exitium cuncta minanter eunt.  
ARTES dispereunt meliori semine natae,  
Atque suas miserae semper habent strigilies.  
Prostrant Artifices Docti non asse vel uno:  
Vulgus apud fatuum docta cohors perijt.  
Et quid non tentant exosa Catharmata: LEGIS  
Divinae satagunt commaculare Libros.  
Enthea conspurcant mysteria; fronte petulcâ  
Audent in Magnum verba tonare Deum.  
Ecce Fori Coruos ex illâ part; furenter  
In SACRA JUSTITIAE quàm sine menterunnt?  
Incessu grandi grallant, tetramqúe superbè  
Depressant, oculis, vultu, animoqúe Truces.  
Scilicet & sunt HI quos Tu cane peius & angue  
Vitabis, benè qui discupis esse Tibi.  
In MEDICA felix quis non hodiè Arte triumphat:  
Quin quoque Naturá prosiliunt Medici.  
Spermologi, errones, nactae, monachi fugitivi  
Divendunt Medicas indubitanter opes.  
Fures, Carnifices, & quae de faece popelli  
Res propè decoxit perdita turba suas:  
Omnes hi Medici venerando nomine gaudent:  
Et quod turpè magis, turpè, senilis Anus.  
O MEDICINA, DEI quae prodita ab ore patescis,  
Tam foedis pedibus (proh) temerata iaces.  
Exulat, HIPPOCRATIS Divina scientia, nemo  
Ingenium sequitur, docte GALENE, tuum.  
Quilibet ex proprio fabricat medicamina sensu:  
Pro placito fingit gramina nata sibi.  
Morborum quaeris si causas: abdita sunt haec,  
Responsant, sibi quae vendicat ipse DEUS:  
Quas non inquiri fas est sine crimine magno.  
Sicque rudem ludunt turpiter Arte gregem.  
At Tu, qui triplici munitus pectora ferro,  
Tam malè tornatos non bibis anre sonos:  
Fluctuat in dubiâ tamen heîc sententia mente,  
Veri quae MEDICI certa figura siet:  
Hunc cape, quem donat natiuâ ex arte Libellum  
OBERNDORFFERI sedula cura Tibi.  
Pellege, sed praesens animo, Livore subacto:  
Livor enim planâ nescit inire viâ.)  
Is TE ductabit per amoena vireta: docebit,  
Perdiscas MEDICUM queî benè nosse VIRUM.  
Monstrat inaniloquos, impostoresque nefandos:  
Qui populoqúe solent imposuisse rudi.  
Hos si cognoscis: Tu grata mente memento  
AUCTORI grates nolle negare suas.  
Martinus Oberndorfferus, Cantiaebius Palatinus, jurisprud. stud.   

THE ANATOMYES' of the True Physician, and counterfeit Mountebank: wherein both of them, are graphically described, and set set out in their right and Orient colours.  


Antithesis. 1. Part. 1.  
Whosoever purposeth to attain the right noble, and divine Science of Physic, and to become a true, and worthy Asclepiadean: before all things, it is requisite, that he be wholly carried, and as it were ravished, with a natural & heroical instinct and inclination unto that Study.  
For it is not possible for any man, unless he be cast in Nature's mould, and by her fashioned for that Profession, to perform any thing therein, worth a Rush.  
But he that is thereunto framed, and disposed by Nature's endowment, doth not only in a short time, make happy proceed in the knowledge of that high and learned Faculty, but doth likewise, wittily and discreetly, apply himself unto the preceptions, acting, and performing in the view of the world, some famous Work, of great applause, and admiration.  
Especially if he be of an ingenuous, and Scholarlike Disposition, willing and ready to receive Instruction and Profit, by whomsoever.  
For this is the very storehouse of Erudition, the most necessary and precious jewel of life, the Treasure, and Light of Science.  
Who before he set upon, so long and laborious a Study, beside honesty of life, and civility of manners, is polished and adorned with Pallas golden chain: I mean thoroughly furnished, with those Arts and Tongues, which are most requisite and necessary in a Physician.  
For these are the well-springs and Fountains of all humanity, wherewith if our Physician be not thoroughly watered, he can never bring forth any good or wholesome Fruit. For as these liberal and general Arts lead us (as it were by the hand) to the sweet and silver streams of Natural Philosophy: so Philosophy bringeth us (after some good acquaintance with her) to the spacious, goodly, & beautiful Field of Physic.  
It is needful likewise, that he bring with him an eager appetite, and insatiable Desire, to penetrate, and dive into the Mysteries of that profound Science: wherein there are so many hidden secrets, far removed from the Eyes & Sense of the Vulgar sort.  
Whereupon, that he may the more easily and happily attain the knowledge of these things, he placeth himself in some famous University, replenished by the benign aspect of Heaven, & clemency of the Air & Soil, with refined and brave Wits: where (as in a Mart of Physic) he doth not only store himself with variety of medicinal furniture of all kinds; but doth likewise often enter into the lists with his Corrivals, & exerciseth himself in discussing the difficult Controversies, of that learned Faculty: choosing for his Masters & Standerd-bearers, such as are of greatest learning, and most renowned & happy Practice, and such as do teach the Art painfully and faithfully, that by these means he may more joyfully and speedily aspire unto the top of his Desires.  
Neither is he wanting to himself, but duly weighing that Occasion is swift, slippery, and bald behind, he catcheth her by her forelockes: with daily and singular diligence he striketh the Iron, while it is hot, and taketh the Time whilst Time serveth.  
By this means, he layeth a sound and sure foundation of his Art, readily apprehending, firmly retaining the precepts thereof, and prudently applying them to the use of his Patients.  
Moreover, he seriously bethinketh himself, that this divine, and most learned Study, requireth not a lazy, drowsy, and slothful-snorring Therfites: but a painful, vigilant, and industrious Ulysses, having a cheerful and undaunted Mind, against all dangers, and troubles whatsoever.  
Hereupon he daily & painfully exerciseth himself in reading the learned volumes of those ancient Worthies, who have faithfully, and fruitfully delivered this Art unto Posterity, the only Solace of human Life: he diligently frequenteth the public Lectures of Anatomy: and afterward himself doth make open Dissection. To conclude, he spareth no pain, but climbeth the high & steep Mountains, rangeth thorough the low valleys, pierceth the woods and thickets, entereth the Caves and hollow Dens of the earth, searcheth thoroughly the spacious and wild fields, the banks of sweet & running Rivers, to attain the true knowledge and nature of multiform Simples.  
And that be may comprehend and understand the nature, properties, and virtues of all these, he refuseth no travail, nor forbeareth any cost, referring and applying them all, to the commodity, benefit, and health of Men.  
In the mean while (like a Diogenes or Timon, who desires to be alone and singular) he doth not refuse to join with learned Physicians, when they visit their Patients, and confer together about the curation of Diseases: but doth heedfully observe those learned Colloquies, and Consultations, and carefully commit them to memory: putting likewise his own hand by little and little unto the work, and in Cases of difficulty and danger, is nothing ashamed to follow the advise and Direction of skilful and well-pratised Physicians.  
But to achieve all these things happily, and successively, sufficient Time and Opportunity are necessarily required.  
For the learned, ample and divine Art of Physic, which requireth a whole man, is not learned in the space of one or two years: but for the largeness, excellency, worthiness, and profundity thereof, the whole Life of man is hardly sufficient.  
If we expect that this heavenly Science implanted in the mind, and purchased by so many sweats, and more than Herculean Labours, should yield a plentiful harvest to the good, & welfare of Mankind.  
Thus you have briefly (as it were) the birth, education, & institution of a true Aesculapian: to whom if you oppose your Changeling and masking Mount bank, you shall find them to agree like Harp and Harrow. 2.  
For it is clearer than the Sun, that the whole Rabble of these Quacksalvers, are of a base wit, & perverse Nature, having no more natural Inclination, or Disposition unto this study, than the Ass to the harp.  
For all these Bragadocian Thessali, which boast of their skill in this Profession, covering their Ass' ears, with the honest titles of Doctors & Physicians, as with a comely mantle, and practising Physic to the unavoidable and lamentable hurt and danger, of their poor and miserakle Patients, if you consider them aright, for the most part are the abject & sordidous scum, and refuse of the people, who having run away from their Trades and Occupations, learn in a corner, to get their livings, by killing of Men.  
And if we pluck off the vizards wherein these disguised Maskers do march, & bring them to the Light which (like Owls) they cannot abide, they will appear to be runagate jews, the cutthroats and robbers of Christians, slowbellyed Monks, who have made escape from their Cloisters, Simoniacal and perjured shavelings, busy Sir john lacklatines, Thrasonical, and unlettered Chemists, shifting & outcast Pettifoggers, lightheaded, and trivial Druggers, and Apothecaries, Sun-shunning night birds, and Corner-creepers, dull-pated, and base Mechanickes, Stage-players, jugglers, peddlers, prittle-pratling Barbers, filthy Graziers, curious Bath-keepers, common shifters, & cogging Caveliers, bragging Soldiers, Bankrupt merchants, lazy Clowns, oneeyed or lamed Fencers, toothless and tattling old wives, chattering Char-women, and Nurs-keepers, long tongued Midwives, scape-Tibornes, Dog-leethes, and such like baggage, and earth dung.  
In the next Rank, to second this goodly and sweet Troop, follow Poisoners, Enchanters, Soothsayers, Wizards, Fortune-tellers, Magicians, Witches, Hags, with a rabblement more, of that damnable Crew, the very filth and dross of the world.  
Now, if you take a good view of these sweet Companions, you shall find them, not only mere Dolts, Idiots, and Buzzards: but likewise Conremners and Haters of all good learning.  
For the greatest part of them disdain booke-learning, being altogether unacquainted with liberal Arts, and never came where Learning grew.  
For every one of them, though in his own opinion an other Chiron, yet either hath no books at all, or if he have a great Library, to make the world believe he is a great Clerk, yet he layeth them by the walls to feed the Moths, but never peruseth them: nay many times cannot, so gross is his Ignorance.  
For Books (witness Galen, the incomparable Master of Physic) are Monuments, and Registers, of those who are before learned; and no perfect Instruction for Rudsbies', and Idiots.  
Neither doth the possession of a great Library, and multitude of Books, make a man learned: no more than Ajax armour would make Thirsites a stout Soldier: But the painful and diligent reading them, and applying them to use: as the skilful use of weapons, not the wearing of them showeth and proveth a good Warrior.  
But these (for the most part) rush into Apollo's Temple, with unwashen hands, and unlettered heads: and as they are as blind as Beetles, so they have not so much as a desire to see into the mysteries of that abstruse Faculty: they either use no Teachers at all, or else make choice of some thessalical Empirics as learned as themselves, or some smoky Chemist, or black Vulcan, able to teach them nothing but that which must afterward be untaught: yet notwithstanding they swell like the Terentian Thraso, with a vain and phoppish conceit of skill and knowledge, as though they were the only profound Doctors, and learned Physicians of the world. To conclude, they are such as cannot abide to take any pains or travel in study: they reject incomparable Galens' learned Commentaries, as tedious and frivolous Discourses, having found thorough Paracelsus Vulcanian shop, a more compendious and short way to the Wood: spending Time, the most noble and precious creature of God, either with doing nothing, or vainly and foolishly, about toys, as in finding the Foolosophers' stone, making Potable gold, or in doing that which is evil and pernicious, as in making some pleasant & refined poisons, under the names of Turbith mineral, or Butyrum Arsenici, to keep Charon from wanting work; or else with a troubled and shuttle head, tossed too and fro like a feather, and turning as oft as the weathercock, they never bring any thing to good effect, or perfection.  
Others are so notoriously sottish, that being over head and ears in the miry puddle of gross Ignorance, yet they will by no means see or acknowledge it: so that they know not so much, as that they know nothing.  
For to give an instance in the most absolute, exquisite, and divine frame of man's Body, if they can show a rude Description thereof, hanging in their chamber, and nickname two or three parts (so as it would make a horse to break his halter to hear them) they think themselves jolly fellows, and are esteemed great Anatomists in the eyes of the Vulgars'.  
Now in the knowledge of Plants they are old excellent, and will roundly show you Spynach in stead of Sorrell, a Nettle for Betony, and Colchicum for Saffron, & that very demurely without any blushing.  
Others (as wise as these) affirm very confidently, if not impudently, that the knowledge of Plants and other simples, appartaineth not unto them, but to the Apothecaries.  
But it seemeth to me very ridiculous, if not altogether dishonourable, and ignominious, that he who taketh upon him to be an other Apollo and great Doctor, should not know the Instruments of his own Art.  
Now they are not so ignorant & doltish, but they are as envious, impudent, and wainscot-faced. And since there is no punishment allotted unto Ignorance in the weal public, saving the blot and brand of Infamy, that is so familiar and accustomed unto them from the cradle, that it toucheth them no more than a fleabiting. And Impudency is so rooted in the bones, and bred in the flesh, that they not only in secret lash and whip with their venomous and serpentine Tongues, all honest and learned Physicians, but at their pleasures do tyrannize and excarnificat mens bodies, and through their bayard like boldness, and licentious impunity, make havoc of their silly Patients, making experiments, and trying their Tartareall conclusions, by more than Tragical Deaths.  
For there is no crime so heinous or odious, which lewd and lost Companions do not perpetrate, unless they be bridled and restrained by fear of punishment: but if the Magistrate look thorough the fingers, and wink at their naughtiness, or else maintain and patrocinate them therein, than they carry all away smoothly, and sleep sound on both sides.  
But these men should do far better, never to undertake those things wherein they have no skill, then to profess those Arts which they never learned.  
Now it is the honestest and safest course for good and learned Physicians, (since they have no power in their hand to redress these Enormities, and that there is small hope of a better world) to have no society with these Barbarians, enemies to all Antiquity, Humanity, and good learning, lest they hear the old saying, Like will to like. As was said of the Devil dancing with the Collier.    


Antithesis. 2. 1. Part.  
IF we from hence proceed to the Course of life, and practise of a right Aesculapian, we shall see him differ as much as white and black, from the croaking, and hedge creeping Quacksalver.  
His main and principal drift and endeavour, by means of his education in those studies, which wholly ravish the mind with the love of Virtue, is, that as a faithful friend, and well-willer of Nature he may religiously, unspottedly, & charily preserve the precious healt and life of man, and conserve the Estimation & Dignity of that most honourable and worthy Profession.  
For he thoroughly weigheth and considereth the excellency of his Arts subject, Man, that noble, admirable, and incomparable work of jehovah, the Temple of the holy Ghost, the most eminent and clear Mirror, & Spectacle among all creatures, of the divine wisdom, justice, Goodness, I say Man framed after the similitude of the Eternal.  
Which noble and worthy Creature, committeth his dearest Self and Life into the hands and trust of our Physician.  
Concerning whom, together with all his Operations, & Practices in his Faculty, he is to give account unto Nature and the Author thereof: the Eternal as a careful Inspector, & sincere judge of them, in the day of that great & general Assize, & everlasting Sabaoth of the world.  
When he seriously and diligently pondereth these things, he must needs remember his own Condition, and that it concerns him to look well to the upshot and Conclusion.  
Hereupon he attempteth nothing, he appointeth and determineth nothing, but with sound Advice, Council, & judgement, searching out with great care, industry, and diligence, the nature and force of present Maladies (weighing all things in the balances of Reason) with great and singular Dexterity repelling them, and with admirable wisdom, foretelling and presaging future Calamities.  
He accounteth nothing more dear unto him, than the Health of his Patients, whereunto he is wholly devoted, refusing no labour or danger, be it never so imminent, to attain that end. Nay he consumeth himself with grief and care for other men's Calamities, reckoning their woes, his own miseries: and all to this end, that he may perform the office of a true Physician, and deliver his Patients from unavoidable Perils, and rescue men as it were out of the jaws of Death.  
For Physic being the Art of helping and healing, not of killing and excarnificating, (as Scribonius saith well) the Professor thereof, our Physician, doth not value men by their Fortunes, and Places in the world, but reacheth out his helping and healthful Hand unto all that desire his assistance, and maketh sure never to hurt any, but help as many as possibly he can.  
Hereupon, as beseemeth a good and virtuous Man, he carrieth not two faces under one Hood, but his Heart and Tongue, his words and actions agree and go hand in hand together.  
For he endeavoureth by all means to show himself prudent, bashful, trusty, grave, modest, constant, courageous, courteous, and affable.  
For all these fair Virtues do usually attend them, who have been rightly conversant, and trained up in Apollo's School.  
Among other Virtues he greatly embraceth Taciturnity, and Secrecy. For there are many Mysteries of the Art, many Diseases of Patients, which to blab abroad, were neither seemly nor expedient. Many things are said and done by these like parties, many Accidents fall out in their houses, which are to be concealed as Secrets, and not to be carried out of doors, and cried at the Cross.  
For it is a Sign and argument of a Gentlemanlike Disposition, and amiable Discretion, to keep close things to be secreted, lest all our Wit seem to lie in our tongue's end, and not to be lodged in the Head or Heart.  
And as he is secret and discreet, so is he likewise Sober and Temperate, that he may be fit & ready to visit his Patients, at any hour of the day or night: being as good an afternoones-man, as a mornings-man.  
For as Galen witnesseth, a good Physician ought to be as studious of Sobriety, as of Verity.  
So in his attire there is no superfluous Curiosity, Courtlike Pomp, farfetched & foolish Finicallitie: no nor Diogenical nastiness, and Lazerlike slovenie: but therein he laboureth to be decent, comely, and frugal.  
Moreover he is contented with a mediocrity, and joyeth in a mean Estate, not greedily gaping and breathing after Riches, being sufficient to himself, and knowing that they of their own accord, follow an industrious and laborious Hand, unless a Man's lot fall among such as are altogether Clowns and souters.  
And that he may avoid all sinister Cogitations, and Suspicions of evil, and unhonest dealing, he cautelously shuneth and shutteth out all churlish, malignant, newfound, & suspected medicines, admitting those only in his Practice, which are easy, safe, benign, undoubted, secure, and approved by long Use, and certain Experience of the ancient Worthies, and great Masters in Physic.  
And in all these things he carrieth himself discreetly, ingenuously, & without Cunning and Deceit: not refusing to submit his Prescripts and Forms (if need require) to the Censure and judgement of learned Physicians, willingly yielding to confer with them, and (to use great Hypocrates words) embracing willingly any learned Colloquy, lest by any means he should seem to play the Coward or Flincher.  
For Truth being of that Nature, that she never hideth her Face, or feareth to behold the Light, so the true Philosopher or Physician, (for those two in our Age make one) is sociable, & ready to communicate, hearing other men's Opinions and judgement with great delight, only to this intent, that by this friendly Conference, and diligent Investigation, he may be confirmed and encouraged in his good Course, and the Patient receive more assured, and certain Benefits.   

2. Antithesis. 2. Part.  
NOw if you compare with him, our suborned and masking Mounte-barke, whose wits are as dull as a door ale, they will be found as far different and distant, as Michael's Mount, and Cheven Hills.  
For where shall you find any one in this Crew, who hath any spark of Religion, or drop of Charity? where one that hath any right sense of Compassion, or common Humanity? But to speak plain, (though it be horrible, so much as to think) the greatest part of this Pack, are no better than rank and arrant Atheists.  
And to speak within compass, you shall sooner find a black Swan, than an honest man in this Bunch: but if you pry narrowly into them, you shall discern notorious Impostores, old beaten Foxes, and Cozeners; not Friends and Favourites, but sworn Enemies to Nature, and Mankind: laughing in their sleeves at their Budget full of wiles which they carry in their bosom, most basely and wickedly, prostituting both Themselves, and the Art.  
For this lost Companion, having a Fox's Head, and an whorish and wainscotted Face, considering that nothing is set by in this Age, but that which is profitable, that wealth is more esteemed than Honesty, and that Riches make the Gentleman, and that Money maketh Virtue stand behind the door, he setteth this down as a Maxim, and Conclusion, that wealth must be had, though with the Injury and wrack of Piety, Equity, Humanity, and common Honesty, & therefore prising Man, that immortal, and excellent Creature, the grand Miracle of the Eternal, at nought, he carrieth himself Impiously, Desperately, and Craftily, in all his Courses, casting as it were the Dice upon his Patients.  
Hereupon he pronounceth all Things darkly and doubtfully, as if Apollo should gave Oracles from his Threefooted stool. And if he happen at any Time on a Truth, you must pardon him, it was more than he was aware of. Now, all is Cock sure, he will pawn his Life and Credit (not both worth a Rush) all shall be well. By and by, with a Stoical Countenance, he threateneth Danger and Death: breathing at once both cold and hot, and all to this End: that which way so ever the World waggeth, he may be thought by his great Wisdom, and deep reach in Divining, to have foreseen and presaged the Event: which he foreknew as much as a Woodcock.  
So that being himself more variable than the Polyp, he is in twenty several Minds in an hour, turning and winding, too and fro, like a Tragedians Buskin, and uttering quite Contraries.  
Thus doth this base and lewd Cozener mock God, and despise Man, for whose cause the Eternal created the goodly and beautiful Frame of the World: and in whose Body, whatsoever is more largely in that Spacious, and Gorgeous Palace, and Theatre delineated, is more briefly comptised, and as it were Epitomised, and represented a short Sum or View. Against this Noble Creature, the small Counterfeit of the Great GOD, he doth oft times rage's more savagely, than any wild Bear, or Tiger, refusing all good, safe, and wholesome Medicines, and purposely making Choice of them which were invented by Satan or his Imps, for the ruin, and Destruction of Mankind.  
Now his Manners and Conditions (the lively Characters of the Mind) wherein there is no one grain of Honesty, declare plainly what a sweet Companion this is. For if a man consider his Person, he shall find him Lewd, Shameless, a Hater mortal of all Good Men, well seen and practised in all Cozening, Legerdemain, Coney-catching, and all other cunning Shifts, & Sleights, a cracking Boaster, Proud, Insolent, a secret Backbiter, a cotentious Wrangler, a common jester, a Liar, a busy-body, a Runagate Wanderer, a Cogging Sycophant, and Trencher-Chaplaine, a covetous Exactor, and Wringer of his Patients: in a word, a Man, or rather Monster, made of a Mixture of all Vices.  
For having spent all his Time in learning these Feats, and long Custom having bred an Habit or second Nature, it cannot be but that in virtues Place there succeed a whole Troop, and as it were a bottomless Whirlpool of all Vice, and odious Naughtiness and Filthiness.  
Hereupon he neither Fearing God, nor Caring for the good Laws of Man, (I am ashamed to speak that, which they shame not to commit) refuseth not to give Horrible and Detestable Counsel, for the murdering of Poor Infants in their mother's bellies, procuring them to fall from the Tree, like untimely Fruit. And being as lascivious as a Sparrow in the Spring, he maketh no bones to corrupt and solicit to uncleanness, young beautiful Maidens (having a special Faculty in Curing the Green Sickness) yea, and comely Matrons and Wives, if he may handsomely come into their Chambers: blushing no whit to spend many hours in Carousing in Taverns, and dalliance among Curtemans.  
And according to the divers Dispositions and Humours of Men, that he may fit and Please all, he layeth aside the Behaviour and Gravity of a Physician, and putteth upon Him the Person of a Sycophant, and Parasite, making account as the World goeth, to thrive better thereby, then by his profession: refusing no Servitude, or Drudgery, how base so ever, that he may creep into Favour with his Good Masters, and Mistresses, and get into that Great Lord, or Rich Lady's Books. One while he playeth the Apothecary, an other while the Cook, an other while the Serving Man: other whiles serveth in stead of Mother Midnight, and sometime he is content to carry the Piss pot, abasing Himself to every Servile and Slavish Office. Nay by your leave, Sometimes (which is of all other most unworthy, and unbefitting) he playeth the Fool and jester, and now and then (which is worst of all) the Bawd and Pandore.  
And he is so far from being thought worse for all this, by the Vulgars', that he is counted an Obsequious, Officious, Neat & Necessary Man, a Merry, and good Fellow, and the Only Physician.  
Among other things he laboureth to excel in garrulity, and much Babbling: his Tongue being like a Lamb's Tale, or Aspen leaf, which never lieth still, but is always wagging. And since he cannot come near others in sound Learning, judgement, and Skill in his Art, he will be sure to go far beyond them in Childish, Foolish, Unsavoury, Tedious, and Tiersome loquacity. So that by a vain and fond boasting of Learning, and impudent promising, and undertaking many and great Matters, he is accounted a great and profound Doctor among the rude and ignorant Multitude, especially among simple & credulous Women, (who through their weakness of judgement, shallowness of Conceit, and Levity of Mind, are of all other most ready to embrace old wives Tales, Lies, and Forgeries) he keepeth a foul Coyle, playing the Champion, and Warrior with his Tongue, vaunting above measure of his great and noble Acts, in killing I know not how many Chimaeras; despising, & that with a Grace, all the Learned Physicians of the Place, and sometimes Age wherein he liveth, barking and biting, reviling, and calumniating them, at his Pleasure, as not worthy to carry his Books, or once to be named, or compared with his sweet Self, our great Magnifico, and all to the end that he might alienate men's Minds from Them, & by his shameless Cavils and Slanders, impair their Reputation, and brand them with the black Coal of Infamy and Reproach.  
Now if by these cunning sleights, unsavoury Prattling, secret Calum●●…ation, he have scraped together a few Crowns, that he may travels into some foreign Country, he will make sure to fawn upon the Female kind, and to purchase the Favour of honourable Ladies and Diana's, with some rare, and precious Gifts, suppose a piece of Counterfeit Vnicomes-horne, or a Bezoat-stone, made of Powder of Post, or glassy Sand, the Only, and Sovereign Antidote, and Medicine, (if you will believe my great Master) of all Malady, Treacle, Diatessaron, or some Counterfeit drug closed hard with the Venetian Seal, or a little white Clay: which he calleth Terra Lemnia, or some such like precious jewel, not worth a button.  
Now he impudently, with a whole stream of prittle prattle, setteth out to the uttermost his goodly Gifts, that they are worth twice their weight in Gold: that they must be laid up in their Caskets, among their most costly Ornaments, and kept as their Life.  
Thus with these cunning sleights, fawn, and flattering words, and Gifts not worth a straw, (which notwithstanding silly Women have not the wit to reject, but take them with both hands, and lock them up for Treasures, extolling and praising them to the Skies among their Gossips) he winneth the Spurs among the Multitude: and being in high Admiration, Credit, and renown with my Gossip Prittle Prattle, his Fame is by & by, spread through the whole Town, as with Bell and Clapper, and he reckoned the only Learned and profound Doctor.  
For he cannot possibly make so loud and impudent a Lie, but it strait way runneth for currant, among these credulous and poor Souls. For among Blind, the Blinker easily ruleth the Roast.  
So that by his lewd and loud Lies, and other pretty Shifts, and nimble Sleights, he bringeth to pass, that he is applauded in every Corner, and magnified by the common sort, as an other Apollo.  
For they delighting altogether in Novelty, and loathing their old accustomed Physicians, though never so learned, if there come any strange Beast, or Monster, out of Barbary, or jacke an Apes from Cataia, they do gaze upon him with Admiration, flock after him by whole Troops, and set him out, in highest Degrees of Commendations.  
And being compassed with this Crew of Idiots, and sitting in his Chair of State with his Cap of Maintenance, by his silly Patient, it is a world to hear how his Tongue rolleth and walketh at random, (but not one wise word, or any way appertaining to the matter, if he might gain thereby a Kingdom.) One while with magnifical, bombasted, and ell-long words, he boasteth of his strange and admirable Cures, (you may take time to believe them) an other while, he telleth endless, long, and headless Stories, of his rare, and hard Adventures, in Travails and Perigrinations, uttering oft times, and that with great arrogancy, and shameless Impudency, as many Lies, as words. Otherwhile he taketh up the Person of a leaster, and playeth the Fool in the Play very singularly. For that Part of all other (as it pleaseth himself and his fond Favourites the best) so it becometh him right well.  
But he hath one property, which by the way is worthy of special Commendation. If he see or hear any Thing in the House of his Patient, it were as good to have been cried at the Cross. He cannot abide to keep Counsel.  
For it is not possible that a Man of many words, should have any Truth or Secrecy in him.  
And as he is a Babbler, so is he likewise a good Trencher man, or Good fellow as they call them, loving company and good cheer passing well: and the Chess, the Dice, a Cup of neat Wine, better a great deal then his Book.  
For if you misle him at any Time, you may be sure to find him either in the Tavern, or at Bowls, or at some Feast or Meeting of goodfellows.  
For our Smell-feast, will be sure to haunt the Houses and Tables of Rich and great Men, partly to fill his Paunch, and partly that he may be thought to know all fashions, and that having won the favour of Gross-headed and credulous Rich Capen-caters, he may by their means be preferred and advanced.  
And though he make glorious & vaunting Pollicitations of binding Bears, and moving Mountains, yet if trusting to his big and Bug words, upon some urgent necessity you desire his Counsel in some sudden Symptom and headlong Disease, by and by you shall find him falter at the first onset, as a Man beside his wit, and not knowing which way to turn himself, or at what End to begin.  
Than not able any longer to cover his Ignorance, he getteth into a Corner to peruse his Notebook, which he hath patched from some Apothecary's File, or else some English Pamphlet of Surgery, which he yet understands not without an Interpreter, or else he flieth to those old S●●esbies, and Trudge blue-coats Antimony, and Mercury Precipitate, and if these goodfellows chance to fail him, then wanting all found Learning and judgement, it is a Good sport to see how he sumbleth and confoundeth himself, running into twenty Errors, and Absurdities, every one greater than another.  
So that by this means the Disease doth oftimes sooner dispatch the Patient, than our Pretty and Gay Doctor can resolve of a Course to be taken.  
But that nothing may be wanting to our barred Cumanyst, he laboureth in his Gate, Gesture, and Attire, to resemble the right Aesculapian: but so, that he is like an Ape clad in Purple, with a whole table of Toys and Trinkets that by Garish, Outlandish, and uncouth Apparel, his great Gold Chain, and glistering Rings upon every Finger, he may draw to him the Concourse, and Admiration of the People, and more readily utter his Cartload of Leasings.  
Now as this Stage like Bravery requireth no small cost: so doth it greatly further our Magnifico in many Pretty and Cunning Shifts and Tricks of Gaining.  
Among other Feats, if any of them is more Crafty, or hath a little more broken Latin in his Budget, than the Common Sort, he pryeth into the Practice of other Physicians, and layeth about diligently for those Medicines, which he hath heard or known to do good: and having once gotten a Transcript of them, he useth them hand over head, without Art, or Reason.  
Which notwithstanding if we give credit to Herophilus, unless they pass through the Hand of Skilful and juditiall Physicians, do more hurt then Good. That which is one Man's Bliss, is an other Man's Bane.  
The greater Part of these Study, and that seriously, the Art of Sophistry, Cozening, and plain Coney-catching, advancing, and setting to sale with Great applause and Concourse, their witless Nostrums, which they have patched together by the marring of two or three good Medicines, to make a third worst of all, feeding the Common People with Toys, Trifles, Babbles, Nutshells, plain Chaff in stead of Wheat, which notwithstanding they set out, to the utmost, with more than Hyperbolical, or rather paracelsical Commendations.  
Thus they inescate and cirumvent poor silly Souls, leaving them as much money in their Purses, as they have Wit in their Heads: especially if they prepare their Medicines themselves, at home in their cells, and hire two or three Brokers, to blaze their Commendations in every Corner of the City.  
And if they can persuade them (according to the foolish opinion of Many) that nothing is wholesome, effectual and Sovereign, but that which is far fetched and dear bought (for they fill the Purse) they have half won the Goal. For all ordinary and common Gifts of Nature, are despised and set at nought by these Brave Magnificos, which have nothing but unicorns horn, Bezoar stone, Magistery of Pearls, and I know not what Precious, and Foreign Bugs and Drugs in their Mouths.  
These our Mounts-banke proclaimeth like a Daw upon a Perk, to be infallible and sure Cards, approved and ratified by long and good Experience, laying oft times his Head to pawn, that they are such as whereof common and trivial galenical Doctors (for with that Style he brandeth all learned Physicians) are altogether Ignorant.  
Whereupon that he may by all means avoid to tread in the steps of the ancient and modern Worthies, this blind, and sottish Impostor, carefully shuneth all benign, safe, well-experienced, judicial, and Rational Medicines, and maketh choice, of Churlish, Violent, Uncouth Drugs, invented not to Purge, but to torment and excarnificat: not to save, but to Kill Men, covering their strong Poison, in a small Dose, giving them sometimes in Bozenges, sometime in Wine, that the poor Patient, looking upon the fair and pleasant Bait, may not deserye the Hook and Poison lurking within: and all this he doth with great Boldness and Impudency, not knowing the Danger and Peril ensuing.  
For they being (by all Classical and Rational Physicians) ranged in the Rank of Poisons, do therefore violate Nature, not only by their Quantity, but likewise by their Quality, be their Doses never so small.  
Others as blind and bold Bayards as the former, bring out of their Budgets, and disperse abroad as Sovereign Salves, certain Powders, Alcola, Unguents, Cerats, Oils, not worth a rotten thread, not knowing whereof they are compounded, and oft times being not able to Name them aright.  
Other, under the Names and Titles of Elixir of Life, Quinessence of Gold, Pearl, Azoth, and Panacea, which they themselves have made, and account Secrets of Secrets (whereby they have fetched back I know not how many Souls embarked already in Charon's boat) do sell certain Gimmalls, with great applause, and for graet sums of money, and by their Factors disperse them abroad into foreign Countries.  
Others, that they may colourably and cunningly hide their gross Ignorance, when they know not the Cause of the Disease, refer it unto Charms, Wichcrafts, Magnifical Incantations, and Sorcery, vainly, and with a brazen forehead, affirming that there is no way to help them, but by Characters, Circles, Figure castings, Exercismes, Coniutarions, and other Impious, and Godless Means.  
Other set to sale at a great price, certain A mulets of Gold and Silver, stamped under an appropriate and selected Constellation of the Planets, with some Magical Character, Shamelessly boasting that they will cure all Diseases, and work I know not what other wonders.  
O grateful and delightful Comedy unto the Devil, whereat he is ready to burst Himself with loud Laughter, to see how he leadeth by the Nose the Common people, with these juggling Illusions, and Sophistications, and thereby greatly amplifieth and enlargeth his Kingdom.  
Others swelling with a big conceit, and vain ostentation, of skill, and deep insight in their Faculty, by the sole and bare Inspection of the stinking Pisspot, like an old Hag, or Sorceress, showing great wonders in her Crystal Glass, never once seeing the Patient, nor pondering with judicial consideration, the Indications Curative, do unsavourly and Idly discourse of the Nature, Causes, and Cure of Diseases, before silly Chare-women, and simple Boys and Girls, that in whole troops flock to their Houses, with a Glass Pisle-pot in their Hands: confidently avouching, or rather manifestly and shamelessly Lying, contrary to the Part and Office of an Ingenuous and honest Man, that they find out and discern all these Things by gazing upon the putrefied and strong-sented Urine.  
But these Men esteem Gain to be sweet, though it come by impudent Lying, and unhonest Cozening: whereby they send whole Multitudes of silly Souls, insnated in their Gins, unto Pluto's Kingdom.  
Others most impudently, and falsely affirm, that all Diseases and Maladies how contrary in Nature so ever, may indifferently, and easily be cured with one Medicine, or Panacea.  
And that we need not so many Compositions, and Prescripts, as are now used: but that our Apothecaries may spare their Labour, shut up their Shops, and seek out some new Occupation, since it is a matter of small Difficulty, to make one Cacolicke, (I should have said Catholic) which may serve for all Turns.  
But since Experience hath never yet approved, this fantastical and senseless Fiction, of some crazed and addle Brain, neither Any Man made Demonstration thereof by good and sound Reason: it remaineth that these Idle and bruised-headed fellows, are notable Impostores, Quacksalvers, and Such as offer most dishonourable and intolerable violence to Physic, and all her fair and beautiful Nymphs.  
Yet the Poor and Silly Multitude admireth such, as Petite Chirons' and Apollo's, not knowing that these Magical Arts, and cunning Sleights of Legerdemain, and plain Coney-catching, are grown into a great Mystery and Occupation, and in a manner the only Way to thrive: being indeed no better then plain Thieving, or Robbing of men by the high way.  
He therefore that hath been trained up in Cunning, and nimble Shifts, and Cousening from his youth, and desireth to fill his bag speedily, and withal to have the ringing Name and Fame of a great and profound Physician, let him take Order to make his Medicines at home in a Corner, or Seller, or at least give it out, that they are so prepared by Himself, though he secretly buy them abroad at the Apothecaries; or let him have always at Hand one, or at the most two or three Medicines (if one of them be a Charm it is no matter, but all the better, wherewith let him promise Boldly, confidently, and peremptorily, without blushing any more than a black Dog, that he will Cure all Diseases whatsoever.  
For by this means he shall be sure to utter his Wares at a dearer and higher rate, than Reason or Honesty would require, and to make a good round Market when other stand still and cool their Heels.  
And beside that, the Common people will flock to such a One in whole Thraves, as unto an Oracle of Apollo, he shall gain this thereby, that neither the Patient, nor his Friends, shall be able to know whether in stead of a Sovereign Medicine, far fet, and dear bought, they receive rank poison, or at least some uncouth, unfitting, or counterfeit Drag, or drug.  
Neither need he to fear any sharp Censure, of his superabounding Skill, and double Diligence, and least being in Consultation with other Learned Physicians, he be compelled to bewray his Sottish and barred Ignorance, if (as the fashion is of Men of his Cognizance and Coat, he can set a good Face on the matter, and Clamour a loud, that these are hidden and abstruse Secrets, not to be revealed to any, that they are no where to be had, either for Love or Gold, but at his House, or from his Apothecary, and that no Man in the World knoweth how to turn his hand to the making of them, save Himself alone.  
But it is one of the greatest Mischiefs and Miseries in the World, that such should profess themselves Artists and Physicians, who know not how to perform any one Part or Office of a true & worthy Physician.  
For these are not the properties of any Ingenuous, Liberal, and Salutiferous Science, or Qualities of a Learned, Sufficient, and Skilful Artist or Professor, but rather evident Arguments, of a Perverse, Illiberal, and monstrous Disposition, thus like an Owl, or Night-raven, to fly, and shun the Light.  
For it is appropriate only to crooked, and ill mannered Natures, and those that are altogether unacquainted, with Humanity, and all good Letters, to traduce and calumniate, among the rude and simple Idiots, the actions and works of Cunning, and Learned Artists, most skilfully and artificially accomplished: and withal magnifically to extol, and commend, with bombasted, and transcendent Terms, their own False, Sophisticate, and Adulterate Wares, and to invent these Satanical Delusions, and in inexpiable Crafts, and subtle Devices, to ensnare and abuse the Simple and Common Sort.  
So that by these Courses they both deceive themselves in the end, and deceive, delude, and abuse others most Impiously, lewdly, and Nefariously.  
We conclude therefore, and that as we Suppose, upon good and sufficient Ground, that Incomparable, and Divine Hippocrates, did most truly, and wisely affirm, that there are many great Physicians, in Name and Estimation of Men: but in Truth and Substance, but very few, rightly deserving that Reputation and Style.  
And that they who are Complete and accomplished Physicians, are by the Verdict and judgement of all the Sages, and Wise Men, that either have or do live in the World, worthy of all Honour, Praise, and high Estimation.  
And these alone, having passed thorough the Course of Learning, and given sufficient Testimony and Proof of their sound Skill, judgement, and Experience, grounded upon Reason, Art, and Sense, are able and fitted to exercise the Divine Art of Physic, to the Welfare and Health of Mankind.  
And they alone do happily achieve these three main Scopes, of Curing Speedily, without lingering Delays, which are worse than a short dispatch of Death, Safely without hazarding, or running the Patient's Life upon those Rocks, whereupon the Quacksalver (as an unskilful Pilot) doth for the most part most lamentably wrack them, pleasantly without that loathsomeness and Tediousness wherewith they are choked by the counterfeit Mountebank and Slabtaker.  
As for them who do more eagerly affect and hunt after the Name of Physicians, than the substance and sufficiency, esteeming it enough for their purpose, if they be created Doctors at Daws Cross, by the rude, and unskilful Multitude, and so be reputed, and pass Currant Physicians, and great Clerks among them, who are indeed disguised and counterfeit Impostors, jugglers, and Couzeners, they should be rightly served, and the Weal-public, Prudently and Religiously provided for, if they should be interdicted to practise that Art which they never learned: or in imitalatio of Cato Censorininus, proscribed, banished, and expelled by whole Troops out of those Cities and Provinces, wherein they have nestled, or at the least should be punished for their unbridled and intolerable Boldness, in Butchering, and Excusicating men's Bodies, according to the Nature and Quality of their Offence.  
That by this means they might be restrained and reduced into their proper Rank, and Order, & not through Polypragmony, which is the Companion of Ignorance, Well spring of Disorder and Confusion, and common Pest of Mankind, busily intrude themselves, and thrust in their Sickle into other men's Harvest.  
So it would come to pass, that Honest, Good, and Learned Physicians, should not undergo a most Unjust, & Unworthy Condition: that is, in beholding daily Knaves, Cozening Shifters, and rank Asses, preferred before them, or at least equally valued, esteemed, and respected: and that Gate and Gap would be shut and stopped, whereby these blind Buzzards, and bold Bayards, these butcherly Impostores, do freely enter to excruciate their poor Patients, and kill Men without controlment.  
But a good Magistrate, to whom nothing is more dear & precious, than the safeguard both of the Goods, and Persons of his Subjects, is always a Lover and Favourer of Learning, and Liberal Arts, a Patron, and Maecenas of Learned Men, and therefore in his Wisdom, virtuous Disposition, and watchful Care for the Common Good, provideth by all means, that no Man be wronged or wracked in his Estate or Person, and preventeth all Occasions, of such Schythicall, or rather Satanical torturing and massacring of Men.  
But he that Winketh, and looketh thorough the Fingers at these matters, and like a sleeping and drowsy Shepherd, letteth the Ravenous Wolf at his pleasure, pray upon the poor Sheep, cannot possibly be excused among the virtuous. For that evil and corrupt Custom, which hath every where prevailed, redounding greatly to the ruin and Confusion of Mankind, can by no means free the Magistrate from blame. Nay it rather argueth, and convinceth both the Practiser, Consenter, and Conniver, at such horrible Crimes (for a small and base Bribe) to be worthy of the same Punishment.  
But they who are altogether Illiberal, Unlettered, and Slaves to absurd, and erroneous Opinions, loathing, and prosecuting with Vatinian hatred, all True and Learned Physicians, nay Truth and Learning itself, have this bred in the Bones, and rooted in the Flesh, through the Crooked perversity of their Dispositions, and Ruditie of their Wits, to bark against Learned Men, and their wholesome Counsels, and honest Courses, and to be delighted with monstrous, and uncowth Conceits, or rather Deceits, and with such sottish and foolish Quacksalvers; who are worthy to fall into the hands of these notorious Impostors, so well fitting their Humours, that according to the Old Saying, Like Lips may be served with like Lettuce.  
But these grand Seniors should do far better if they employed their swelling and high Conceit of deep Wisdom in their own Affairs, and contain themselves within their Shops and Warehouses, and not arrogate to themselves, to judge of Matters whereof they are altogether ignorant, (it belonging to Artist to judge of Art) lest they be compelled to hear against their Will, That the Shoemaker must not meddle beyond his shoe.  
Now (thou blind Empiric, and vaine-vaunting Mountebank, whosoever thou art) let me in Conclusion, entreat thee, to learn by this short Discourse, this short Lesson, To Know thyself, which though it be brief, yet is it the Chief, and Choice of all other Documents.  
Dwell with thyself, and break not thy Rank, but keep within Compass, and thou shalt easily perceive thine own Poverty, Want, and Weakness.  
I for my part, wish thee from my Heart, a more sound Head, and honest Heart, that thou mayest either fundamentally learn the Noble and Excellent Art of Physic, and proceed in thy Cures by a certain and right Line and Method, without foolish Superstition, or wicked Imposture, or else that thou wouldst honestly give over that learned Profession, till Apollo have more clearly enlightened thee, with his shining and bright beams, lest to thy indelible Ignominy, Shame, and Reproach, some wise Man pronounce against thee this Sentence: That thou art either an Ass, a Fool, or a Coney-catcher.  
Be Bold and Constant in well doing: for when all is done, Verity will in the end, obtain the Victory.    
FINIS.   

A discovery of certain Stratagems, whereby our English Empirics have been observed strongly to oppugn, and oft times to expugn their poor Patient's Purses.  
IT cannot be sufficiently lamented, that the most ancient, worthy, and honourable Profession of Physic, which hath been in preceding Ages, a College of learned, grave, and profound Philosophers, is now become the Common Inn, Receptacle, and Sanctuary of Makeshifts, Banker-rupts, and Impostors. Fuit Honos Medicinae apud Seclum prius. Time was, when that divine, and excellent Science was had in high, and yet due Admiration, Honour, and Reputation. Solomon the most wise, rich, and renowned Prince that the world (from her Alpha to her Omega) hath yielded, disdained not the Contemplation and Study of this noble and divine Art. Nay which is more, did illustrate Physic with his writings, and composed a great Volume of the Nature, of Birds, Beasts, Trees, and Herbs, describing them, from the Cedar in Libanus, to the Hyssop that groweth on the wall.  
This excellent and incomparable Work, to the unspeakable grief, and invaluable loss of all Aesculapians, is perished in the deep Sea-gulfe of Antiquity, which hath swallowed up, devoured, and consumed the Monuments of many Worthies. Mythridates that puissant King of Pontus, who was for many years terrible to the World-conquering Romans', amidst his martial and Kingly affairs, spent no small time in Physical Meditations: erecting to himself by the Composition of one Medicine, as noble, durable, and admirable a Trophy, as Pompey the great did, by his Victory against him.  
In this King's Closet were found by that Noble Roman, many Books written with his own hand, both of the virtues of Plants, and Constitution of Man's Body, highly valued by that worthy Victor Evax a King of Arabia, wrote a Book of Botanologye, which he dedicated to the Emperor Nero. It is reported by Historians, that in ancient times there was no King, either of Egypt, Aethiopia, or Arabia, who did not himself either write somewhat concerning the Art of Physic, or at least by his Kingly bounty, and large Pensions, encouraged others to employ their Heads and Wits in that Study.  
Zenophon bringeth in Cyrus, conferring and discoursing with a Physician, as a fit Colloqunter for a Prince, about the hidden Secrets, and deep Mysteries of Nature.  
julius Caesar, that matchless and invincible Roman Emperor, made a Decree, that all Professors of Physic should be free Denizens, and Burgesses of Rome. Democides the Physician was in such credit and authority with Darius the Persian, that he had a place assigned at his Table, and was as it were fellow-Commoner with him. Ataxerxes having sent for Hypocrates, and being denied with grief and anger, threatened a revenge against all Greece.  
Asclepiades rejected Mithridates' Messengers, and refused all his liberal and Princely Offers. Erasistratus the Physician, received for a reward at one Time, of King ptolemy, (ur as others writ of Antiochus) an hundred Talents: which amounteth in our Money, to sixty thousand Crowns. 
Plin. 21. li. 1.   
Stertinius complained of the Princes of his Days, because his stipend for reading Physic, was but five hundred thousand Cesterties. This is esteemed 4150. pound & two shillings, four penee, whereas he gained more by his practice in the City. The like stipend was given by Claudius Caesar to this man's Brother. Trinas' the Massilian left an hundred thousand Sestertyes by Legacy, to build the walls of his City. I forbear to show their great favour, credit, and authority with mighty Potentates and Princes, as Philip with Alexander, Musa with Augustus. I omit the Aruncians, Albutians, Rubrians, Lassians, and Carpentans, whose stipend in Rome was 205. Aureos. Thaddaeus the Florentine when he road abroad, received ordinarily for his Fee, 500 Crowns a day: and for one Cure upon Honorius the Pope, ten thousand Crowns at a clap. Comineus the French Thucydides, telleth of a Physician of Ludovic the 11. French King, who had from the King, admirable, and almost incredible Fees and rewards. To pass by these, with many other famous Precedents of Antiquity, clearly demonstrating to the World's view, the true and due worth and esteem, of this excellent Profession, to the stain and blush of our present Age, it maketh infinitely for the commendation of Physic, that the Messias & Saviour of the world, the Emmanuel, God, it is the Lord jesus himself in the days of his sojourning, & walking here upon the Earth, (refusing to intermeddle with deciding of Controversies, & dividing of Lands and Goods, did notwithstanding spend a good part of his Time (after the performance of his Prophetical office in teaching and curing the Souls of Men) in healing the Diseases and Maladies of their Bodies: that is, in plain terms, in exercising the Office & Function of the Physician. But here me thinks before I proceed further in this Argument, one ioggeth me on the elbow with this item. A Sophister of Greece made a long Oration in praise of Hercules.  
One standing by, before he could pronounce the whole, cut him off thus. Quis (quaeso) unquam Herculem vituperavit? In like sort a man may demand of you, who have begun a Panegyric of Physic. I pray you (Sir) who ever in his right wits dispraised Physic? Well I could (if I were disposed) answer this Quaere. But I will be content for this Time to take it for granted, that no Man of Common Sense, Wit, Reason, judgement, Discretion, Learning, or Humanity, will ever open his Mouth in dispraise of a Profession so ancient, honourable, beneficial, and necessary unto Mankind, (without which, neither Theology can often prevail to reform the vicious Mind, unless Medicine dispose the Body, and contemper the Humours: and Law should command in vain, if Physic did not yield apt and able Bodies to obey) I will draw nearer to my present Purpose: whereunto I hope this short Prelude in Physics Praise, will prove nothing impertinent. For if Physic be of that worth, honour and reputation (as hath been in part touched, and might have been more amply declared, but that with the Dog of Egypt, I am constrained to take a snatch and away) then, intolerable are the Indignities, and exceeding great are the Injuries, which these base Cullions, and Buzzardly Venturers, (for so I choose rather to term them, with a Learned Man of our College, than Empirics) who leaping from their Shopboords, and leaving their Mechanical Trades, have, and do daily offer to that fair, goodly, and gallant Lady. A Farthel and Pack of the deceitful Wares, and subtle Sophistications of these Circumferaneous luglers, hath already been unfolded and laid open in the former Treatise, written in Latin by a learned German. Now give me leave, to acquaint you with some such cunning Sleights, and pretty tricks of Legerdemain, which I have observed to be put in use and practise by our London Interlopers, and Quacksalvers, whereby divers honest Men and Women, have been notoriously abused, deluded, emunged of their Money, and plainly coney catched.  
The cunning and sly Devises, subtle Policies, and Warlike Stratagems, whereby these valorous Thrasoes, and great Magnificoes do lay a strait siege, and make many strong assaults upon their Patient's Purses (for unto the poor Purse is all the Quarrel) have partly respect unto Themselves, and partly unto their Patient.  
The first Project respecting Themselves, whereby they aim to win credit with the Patient, and insinuate themselves into his favour, bringing him into a Fooles-paradise, and causing him to have their persons in high admiration, is to blow into his Ears, and that with a shameless impudent face, and a tedious multitude of vain, lying, and vaunting words, that they have certain hidden, deep, and precious Secrets, altogether unknown to the Galenists, and Schooledoctors, whereby they are able to work wonders, and to quell Gargantua himself. If the Patiented demand how they came by this profound knowledge, having never followed the course of Learning, or studied in any University: then they either begin with a solemn grace, and set countenance, a long Story of a written Book of most rare and admirable Medicines, invented by a certain profound, and deep learned Friar or Monk, and hidden with great care, in the Wall, or Cellar of a Monastery: Which Book by great Chance, and their happy Fortune, having come to their hands, they would not part with it for Saint Peter's Cope, or a Kings Ransom. Or else you shall have a Tale of Manardes' then great Physician of Spain, who keeping a secret Book of most tore and excellent Observations, your brave and vaunting Quacksalver, avouching himself to have been his Man, will boldly (blushing as much as a black Dog) affirm unto you, that being with him in his sickness, whereof he died, and observing diligently the place, where Manardes' laid up his jewel, they cunningly after his Death, seized on this Book, and conveyed it away with them. Hereby they are made of unlettered Idiots, great and skilful Aesculapians, and undertake the Cure of all strange, difficult, and deadly Maladies. Or if the Patient miss of these Poetical Fictions, he may well stumble upon that good fellow, who (as it is said) hath a long Discourse of Severinus the Dane his son, who being in service in the Spanish Armado, Anno. 88 was wracked and cast on Shore. Hereupon, wandering as a poor harbourless, and succourless Stranger, he arrived at the last at the house of our jupiter Hospitalis, who receiving him into home and harbour, using him kindly, and at his departure furnishing him with some supply of Pence, that thankful Mercury, in recompense of this great Hospitality and Humanity, bestowed upon him his Caducean rod, or Book of rare Physical Mysteries, whereby in an instant he was from a silly Sot, not able to speak one word of congruous Latin, presently Metaphorphosed into a grave, demure, and grand Doctor, and Master in Physic. A hundred to one, if he happen not on some one or other of these stolen jests, or at the least, some other of the like Nature: Which notwithstanding, a great Number of our Common Ones do as readily believe, as if they should hear the Story of S. Francis out of Legenda Aurea. And here by the way, it is worth our observation, that those grand Masters do utterly renounce and disclaim Learning, and all Education in any University, wherein it is like they never came (unless to set up their horse in an Inn, whilst they break their fast) flying to a written Book, or some Medicines, received from a Friend by Tradition. And would a Man imagine that any should be so void of common Sense, Reason, or judgement, as to think that a few scribbled Receipts in an old Moth-eaten paper should make a Physician? Why then every one that hath lying by him, a good Book of Law, as Rastalls' Statutes, or Littleton's Tenors, is a Complete Lawyer. And he that hath two or three Books of Divinity in his House, is an absolute Divine, and may step up into the Pulpit. If this were so, we might well say with that merry Physician, that it had reigned Doctors in all Faculties.  
Their second Engine, or Plausible persuasive Motive, whereby they labour to fasten the former Nail, to win Reputation of deep Skill to themselves, and purchase credit to their Panaceas, and wonder-working dregs, is a pretty figment, or forgery, not unlike the first. After they have laid the former ground, and perceive the poor Patient to give a listening Ear to their forged Fable, conceiving hope of lucky success, and by his nibbling at the bait, that he is like to swallow the hook, they proceed to Gull him thus. They begin, to make their former matter good, with incredible boldness and impudency, to averie that their knowledge is so singular, their secret Medicaments so sovereign, and of such admirable Efficacy, that divers Learned and Professed Physicians, of great Note and Account, have sought earnestly, Wooed, and Solicited: nay offered good sums of money, to have them imparted and communicated.  
And because it is sin to belie the Devil, and some Men may think I wrong them with so deep a charge, I assure you upon my credit, I speak no more than I have heard Hisce Auribus. One base Thick-skin (whose Story it may be you shall have hereafter more at large) taking upon him to cure an incurable Disease, and being willed by a Physician, requested by the Patient to join with him, to make known his Medicine. My Medicine (quoth he) with great indignation, that I will not for any Man's pleasure. D. Dodcin, and D. Caso of Oxford, have offered me forty pounds yearly during my life, if I would acquaint them with that secret. This was as true as that the Sea was on Fire, and this good fellow quenched it with a Bale of Flax. Nevertheless, by this and such like pretty sleights, he carried away the Patient for that Time, and got some Crowns: the other Physician, because he refused to hold the Candle to so base and blind a Companion, being rejected.  
another Medicastra, a tattling Gossip, (for such likewise have learned their Leripoope, and have as glib, smooth, & nimble Tongues as the best) having commended a Drench she had for an old Cough, unto the Skies, averred boldly in the hearing of a Physician, that her Medicine was of such virtue, and had done so great Acts, that D. Smyth and D. Turner, had taken her aside, and with many fair words, putting likewise some Angels into her fist, had entreated her, to impart to them her Secret. But (said she) with a grace I warrant you, Should I teach the Doctors? nay I will never do it. They would make 20. or 30. pound yearly of it, whereas I do good therewith, and take small recompense for my pains. The Physician smile, answered. I believe you (good woman) that you will not teach the Doctors, I will be your warrant for that matter, you shall need no further Bond or Surety. Was not this a goodly sweet Parrot trow ye? Have not the Doctrs cause to lament that they shall want the instruction of such a Lamia?  
A third, as bold and blind an Empiric as London hath yielded these many years, being by the Coll. committed to prison for his notorious sottishness, Impudence, and manifold Misdemeanours, (to give them the least and allows term) gave it out among his fellow prisoners, and such as celected vetrum, that his commitment was, because he refused to disclose unto the Physicians, his hidden secrets, whereby he performed such Cures, as they were not able to turn their hands too. But suppose we should grant unto these Braggadocian Thessali, that they had secret and good Medicines, yea such as divers Physicians desired to know; would it therefore follow that they were fit Men to take upon them the Profession, and Practise of Physic? Nothing less. For Physic is a great Lady or Princess, having subject unto her, many large, goodly, and spacious Territories. Whereof the skill of inventing, and making a Medicine, is one of the last, and least in Estimation. So that a Man may be somewhat acquainted in this Region, and yet altogether ignorant in the ample and rich Countries and Fields of Physic.  
Physic is defined by Galen in his Arte parva: The knowledge of things wholesome, unwholesome, or neutral. Or, the Science of Things Natural, Preternatural, and contrary to Nature. Physiologye the first Part of Physic, challengeth for her Patrimony, those seven Things whereof our Nature consisteth: Elements, Temperaments, Humours, Spirits, Parts, Faculties, and Functions. Here is a large walk for our silly Empirics, as uncouth, and unknown to them, as Terra-America, China, or Guiana, to our poor Plough men. Anatomy being but one Shire, Province, or County, in this Precinct or Country, discoursing upon the Parts, whereof we consist, is of such Nobleness, Amplitude, and Reputation, as that many worthy, and excellent Wits have been content here to take up their Rest, and dwell therein their whole Time.  
A number of our jolly Quacksalvers, are so ignorant of this Skill, that they know not whether Anatomy be a Man or Woman, an Horse, or a Cow. And yet it is as possible, for him to be a Physician, that never knew or saw Dissection, as for him to be a good Carpenter, that never saw an House, or a good Mariner, that never set eye on a Ship, in his Life.  
Hygicina the second part of Physic, traveleth in preserving the health of those who have obtained a sound Temperament, in their Similar parts, and right Proportion in the Instrumental, by the moderate and well ordered use of those six Things, which we call Preternatural. The knowledge of those Things, which we call Unwholesome: or contrary to Nature, if you respect the Theory, is termed Pathologye, and entreateth at large of the Causes, Signs, and Nature of Diseases. If you regard the Praxis, it is termed Therapentice, who grapleth with Nature's Enemy, and opposeth unto all Maladies, apt, Artificial, and Rational Medicines, and that in three large Differences. The first is called the Diet of the sick: the second, Chirurgery: the third, Pharmacentice. So that the Physician, as a great Commander, hath as subordinate to him, the Cooks for Diet, the Surgeons for manual Operation, the Apothecaries for confecting, and preparing Medicines. You see then, how goodly large, and ample Patrimony Physic hath, and that all her Store, and Skill, consisteth not in compounding and mingling of a Medicine. If that were all, them all our skilful chirurgeons, and Apothecaries (of whom we have many in this City) should be absolute, and complete Physicians, who I dare boldly affirm know more and better Medicines, than the bravest, and Crakingest Mountebank in the Land. And yet how far the cunningest of them are, from being able to give counsel in Physic, both themselves will ingeniously and freely acknowledge, and all men of judgement, may easily discern. But who so bold as blind Bayard, who seeing not the Danger, and Diche before him, rusheth on without fear, and plungeth himself over Head and Ears, ere he be aware. Herophilus calleth Medicines Manus Deorum, being prescribed and accommodated by the learned Physician, but flat Poisons if they come thorough the hands of unlearned and venturous Quacksalvers. Nullus Morbus idem omnibus: No Disease is of the same Nature in all Constitutions. Nullum Remedium eundem vim habet in singulis. No Remedy hath the like Operation in every particular Patient. A good Remedy in the Head or Closet of an unskilful, and venturous Periclitator, is as a Sword in the hands of a madman. Or as the blind Man's staff, which may so fall, as it may kill the Hare. So their misapplied and misshapen Remedies, may sometime quell the Disease, but by as great chance and misfortune, as that good Fellow had, who being drunk and on horseback, rid in the night safely over a foote-bridge, crossing a broad and deep River, it being a thousand pound to a Nutshell, that both he and his Horse should have come short Home. Natura est Curatrix Morborum. Nature herself is the Curer of divers Diseases, into whose harvest these intruding Copes mates do thrust their Sickle, reaping oft times her due Praise and Commendations.  
To conclude this Point, (wherein I have been content to dwell the longer, because it is the strongest Castle and Hold, wherein our Maister-Emperickes do most trust, and whereunto they have continual Resuge and Retreat in all assaults) I dare boldly set down this Maxim, and Theorem, and maintain the same against all Comers, that Morbi curantur magis Methodo, quam Medicina.  
Diseases are rather cured by a Rational Method grounded upon Arts Indications, then by force of any Remedy, though never so sovereign. The Indications whereby judicial and Rational Physicians are guided and directed (as by Ariadnaees thread) in the Curation of Diseases, are many, (and not to be stood upon at this Time) all of them neglected, and unknown to the poor blind Empirics. And yet the Poet could say, speaking but of one of them.  
Temporibus medicina valet data Tempore prosunt,  
Sed data non apto Tempore Vina nocent.  
But having (as I hope) sufficiently battered this Fort, and ferrited these Coney-catching Companions from their Sanctuary, or rather Fox-hole, I will proceed, or rather post unto their third Topical Place, or Latebra Sophistica, whereby they seek to mount upon the Bank of Fame, and raise up Themselves in the Conceit of their simple Patients.  
When they perceive the Patient to have swallowed the two former Flies, than they begin to stand upon their Tiptoes, and with a composed Countenance, and Stagge-like gesture, to relate such strange, uncouth, loud ringing, and Paradoxical Narrations, as a man would suppose they were solemnly set to lie for the Whetstone. Vbi adbibit plus paulò sua mihi quae narrat Facinora. When they are set upon their Alebench, (for it is worth noting by the way, that either at the Alehouse or Tavern, where is their chief Haunt, their matches for Cures are usually made) and are a little whittled, it is wonderful, what fabulous Tales and Stories, what unsavoury and odious Leasings they will tell of their incredible, and admirable Curations, performed upon most desperate, and deadly Sicknesses, and such Persons as were altogether given over and forsaken, as forlorn and past help by the Physicians. There you shall hear of Dropsies, dead Palsies, (as they term them, old and knotty Gouts, Apoplexies, great and grown Stones in the Bladder, a great rabble more of Churlish and sturdy Companions, all bowing the knee, vailing the Bonnet, and doing low obeisance to our grand Signior, Magnifico, monsieur Mountebank.  
And lest you should call in Question the credit of those good old Gentlemen, or doubt of the Truth of their Poetical, hyberbolical, and extravagant Discourses, you shall have them name the Cities and Towns, Parties, and Places where their great miraculous Works and Wonders were acted and executed: Marry they will be sure not to name any Parties or Places too near at hand (for that might peradventure mar all) the fools are more wise than so. But if you would find out the cettaintie of these Matters, you may perhaps ride your horse out of breath Some of them will have for their Associate, an old Weatherbeaten Broking Companion, somewhat known to the Patient, (as very a &c. as themselves) who shall play Gnathos part, soothing them up in all their loud Leasings. His manner is, to scratch and claw our Magnifico by the Elbow, and to tolle on the silly Patient, in this sort. (Sir) upon my credit, this is an honest and simple-meaning Gentleman, if he say the word, you may be bold to build and write upon it. He would not tell you an untruth (I dare say and swear too for a need) if he might gain thereby an hundred pounds. Though he go but plain, yet his Reputation is good in the Town and Country where he dwelleth. He is sought unto far and near. He is acquainted with divers Noble men, and great Personages, and hath access unto them, and is admitted into Lady's Chambers, when your gay Doctors with their velvet jerkins are shut out of Doors, to cool their heels. He hath been a traveler in his Days, and hath thereby attained such deep and profound skill in Physic, and such rare and precious Medicines, that he putteth down all the Doctors where ever he cometh. Upon my knowledge, he hath cured them, which had been with all the Doctors in London, and spent great sums of money, without receiving any good, till they met with him. I may say to you, he is the oddest Man in a Land. If he undertake you, I will be his warrant that he will cure you. I never knew him yer to fail in any. He hath the Luckiest hand in a Country. I never knew any miscarry under it. Doth not this sly, and subtle Pricker tell a smooth Tale, to cover and colour this pack of cloaked Knavery? And no marvel. For he speaketh and pleadeth for his Fee, and Shareth with his Master Thraso monsieur Magnifico, having sometimes a Proctors, sometimes a Councillors pay for his labour. Thus these two Veterators, or Cozening Copsemates act their Parts, as it were on a Stage, circumventing and ensnaring simple Men and Women, altogether unacquainted with these acquaint Devises, laughing them to come behind their backs, riding them for Asses, boasting of their fie and cunning conveyance of their matters, and each of them vaunting that he played his Part best. In this sort do they solace themselves with their sweet stolen Bread, and make merry with their Patient's money. For you must understand, that usually it purchaseth neither House, Goods, nor Lands, but a few Pots of the best Ale or Wine in the Town. And yet they receive more Crowns oft times for one of their Couzenages, (for Cures I will never call them) then divers learned and honest Physicians, for two or three, judicially, and happily performed Curations.  
Having now coursarily passed over the first Kind of the warlike Engines, whereby being raised upon the Mount of their own Praise and Fame, these brave Pot-souldiers do make a fierce and strong battery upon the silly Patient's Purse: I will proceed to the second Rank, of military Statagems, and Warlike Policies, by which they do eftsoones, feal the Walls, enter the Ramperts, and like valiant, and victorious Conquerors, possess them of the Piece and Fort, holding out against their matchless Puissance.  
As the former had respect unto themselves, and their own Fame and Reputation: So these last have Reference and Relation wholly to their Patients Good.  
First therefore (let the Disease be what it will or shall) (for if you will have the Truth, for the most part they care not, nor know not) never so dangerous, deadly, desperate, incurable, they will promise most confidently and arrogantly, a perfect, absolute, & complete Cure. All is fish with them that cometh to Net. They make no bones at it. And yet the Poet could say thus much.  
Non est in Medico sempèr releuctur ut Aeger.  
Interdum docta plus valet Arte Malum.  
Hippocrates the Father of Physic, and Phoenix of the World, whose Writings are by venerable Antiquity esteemed Oracles, and not words of human Tongue: who (as Macrobius saith) could neither deceive, nor be deceived, whose Humanity and Benignity was such, that he knew nothing, but that he would we should likewise know, whose deep reach, insight, and admirable Skill was so great, that no Man after him, knew any thing, whereof he was ignorant, this honourable Dictator of Physic affirmeth often, that there are many Diseases incurable. This cometh to pass, partly because some diseases are hereditary a Semine Paterno, and being bred in the bone, as we say, will hardly be rooted out of the flesh: partly by the Fury and Violence of some Malady and Symptoms, far surmounting Nature's strength. And that appeareth either by the Nobility, and Necessity of the part offended, or the Worthiness and Excellency of the Action violated, or by the evil Nature, and secret Malignity of the Affect. Hereupon it is that Hippocrates saith: solvere fortem Apoplexiam impossibile, levem haud facile. And that in regard of the Dignity of the Part affected, the necessary use and excellency of the Actions of Sense and Motion, mightily oppugned, and the boisterous, and churlish Violence of that most terrible and deadly Disease.  
Hereupon likewise that honourable old man, the Mirror of Antiquity, in the same Book of Aphorisms, which hath merited the highest Place among human Writings. Aphor. 1. saith. O portet non solum Medicum suum, officium facere, sed etiam Aegrum, & Astantes, & externa esse rite comparata. The Physician must not only perform his office, but the sick Man and his Ministers must do their Parts, and outward Things must be well disposed. This golden Sentence set in the Forefront of that Divine work, giveth us plainly to understand, that all the Keys of Curation hang not at the Physicians Girdle; it resteth not wholly and solely in him, to perform the Cure, but Patients and Nurses have likewise their Offices and Charges to look unto, and external Accidents may mar all the Market. Morbi sua Natura curabiles, saepe Patientium & Clinicaram niscitia, incuria, inobedientia, aut morositate incurabiles redduntur. This was the cause why Galen wisheth Physicians never to meddle with those who are intemperate, and wholly addicted to satisfy their Appetite, and sensual Delights: for (saith he) neither shalt thou reap credit, not they any good or benefit by Physic. A great Emperor bringing with him to a sick Courtier, two of his Physicians, demanded of them what they judged of the sickness, whether it were curable, or no? The first answered, that it was curable. The other that he judged it incurable. I (sayeth the Emperor) what is the Reason of this Dissension and Difference betwixt you? No difference (my Lord) answered the later Physician. Ille enim ad Rem respicit, Ego ad hominem. He respected, in his answer, the Disease, and I the Patient, whom I know to be so unruly and intemperate, that it is not possible to Cure him. How ignorant, unruly, indiscreet, and untractable, that I say not peevish and perverse many Patients are, it is too well known to Physicians, and Others likewise who are not too too exceeding partial, and therefore needless and tedious for me to stand upon it. The manifold Errors and Misdemeanours of the friends of Patients, especially Women, Nurse-keepers, Servants, Cooks, Surgeons, and Apothecaries, would fill a several and great Volume. I will only point at one vulgar and common Fault, greatly hindering the happy proceeding, and succeeding of our Cures in London. And that is the fickleness, and fugitive Inconstancy of our Patients, who being persuaded by every prattling Gossip that cometh in to see them, and silly Charwoman that attendeth them, will have for every Day they are sick almost, a new and several Physician, and perhaps change every Day for the worse. Thus do they deli●iari and play the Wantoness because of their ease and plenty of water at their Doors (I mean the variety of good and skilful Physicians) but chief by the fond and witless motions, of these busy giddy headed women, who are constant in nothing but Inconstancy, blown too and fro with every breath, like a Feather. Sometimes they will dispraise and debase the former Physician, for no other reason, but because he is known unto them: and magnify and commend a stranger because he is unknown, as a man of deep learning and judgement. Otherwhile the Physician is too young, and wanteth Experience: and then they will extol to the Patient, a blind Empiric, who hath neither Wit, Learning, nor Experience, and yet he must be the man.. Sometime again the Physician is too old, and spent, his Memory and judgement faileth him, he is now done, you must take an other that is more fresh and ready in his Matters.  
With these and the like, idle, trifleling and childish Follies they do often inter●urbe and hinder our Curations: and the Physicians are blamed, traduced, and disgraced, when the Patient himself, or his wise Counsellors deserved well, much rather to be whipped. Qui Plures consulit Medicoes in singulorum Errorem cadit, ipse falsus maxim. He that runneth after many Physicians, oft times deceiveth them all, and himself most & worst of all. That external Events do interrupt the course of Curation, and dash all on the sudden. it is most evident. A Physician in London had a Patient, who having been sick of a burning Fever, and being in good way of recovery, a Creditor of his (to whom he owed a round sum, hearing of his Sickness, and danger, pressed suddenly into the Chamber where he lay, and expostulating with him, in many sharp, and rigorous words and threats for security of his Debt, so disquieted, vexed, and overheat the poor Man, that he relapsed into a Frenzy and Idleness of Brain, crying out still upon his Creditor, that he would lay him up, that the Sergeants were at his back, ready to seize upon him: that he must lie by it, his Wise and Children should be 〈◊〉: and thus raving, within few days died. This Man might have recovered in the physicians judgement, if this unhappy Accident had not happened. Incomparable Galen, the storehouse of all good learning, from whose reading, the best learned shall ever return more learned, concurieth in this point, with his Master Hippocrates, as hath been already by the way touched, and might be by many places of his works plainly proved, if it were not altogether superfluous, to spend Time, and blot Paper, in a matter so evident. Consider then, the intolerable & shameless Impudency of our vaunting Pyrgopolynices, who will take upon him to set Hippocrates and Galen to School, as simple & rude fellows in respect of his graund-Maistership. And herein that brainsick German, that notorious Sophister, and Impostor of the World, Paracelsus, hath plainly discovered himself to be a mere Mountebank: (for if he had been a learned Man, he would never have done it) barking every where in his roving and raving Discourses (for Method or Art they have none in them) at Galen, one of the Springs of Physic, challenging himself for Ignorance, his Medicines for insufficiency, and invalidity: all his Successors and Followers in the Physic Schools and Universities, for Dolts, Dunces, and Asses, in comparison of his goodly Self. Ebrius est nec enim faceret haec sobrius unquam. The Wine was in, and the Wit was out, when he did and spoke this, or else undoubtedly he would never have done it. But to let him go, into whose gross, and palpable Absurdities, intolerable Insolencies, and incredible Sophistications, if a man should enter, he should find Paul's work, as we say: it is more than manifest, both by the Authorities, and sound Reasons of these grave and learned Physicians, to whom, these base Companions are not worthy to hold the Candle, or to be Named the same year with them, that all Diseases are not Curable; and that therefore they are notorious, and not sufferable Impostors, who take upon them, more than the greatest Masters of Art would ever arrogate to Themselves; and that which indeed is not in their power to perform. The like may be said of Cures, which was said of Martial affairs. In rebus bellicis, Militum virtus, locorum opportunitas, Classes, Comeatus, Auxilia, multum twant, Qnin ipsa. Rerum Domina Fortuna magnam partem suo sibi juro vindicat, etc. So in Curations, the skilfulness, and Carefulness of the Physician, the Discretion and tractability of the Patient, and diligence of the Keepers and Attendants, the faithfulness of the Apothecaries, Surgeons, and other Ministers, the removing of all external Impediments, do greatly further and forward Curations: but above all, and when all is done, there is a great Commander who sitteth in Heaven, and challengeth to himself by good right, the chief sway and stroke in all this Business. In him are the issues of Life, and of Death, he hath created both Physic and the Physician. Quo sine Diptamnus nil, Panacea juuat. Except the Lord build the House, the builders, etc. Except the Lord watch the City, the Watchmen, etc. The Eternal who hath given us these Souls and Bodies, (of whom it should seem these jolly fellows, these boasting Thrasoes do fildome, or never think) hath reserved to himself a sovereign and overruling Power: whereby he doth oft times cross the Means, and frustrate the Hopes of the most skilful and exquisite Artists, much more, of our bold Periclirators, who blindly, sottishly, and sencelesly, go to work. This caused that Eternised old Man, whose Fame is like to last as long as the World lasteth, cry out, that there was Divinum quid in morbis, a certain Mystery in Diseases, which neither he, nor any human Wit could ever sound.  
Their next Topical Place, or persuasive Insinuation pretending the Patients good, is this, that as they undertake without all peradventure, an absolute Cure, be the Disease never so stubborn or pernicious; so they likewise promise with no less Impudence and Vanity, a short and speedy Cure. This is exceeding plausible to the poor Patient, bringing him a sleep, and causing him to scratch where it itcheth not. He will (forsooth) leap over the hedge before he come at it: he will not stand thrumming of Caps, or picking straws all the year, but with great Celerity & Dexterity, dispatch that in a week, which the Rational Physician, the school-doctor with his Cautelous Caveats, will lie bungling and jumbling at a month or two. Yet the wise Man willeth us to hasten slowly, and telleth us that a soft fire maketh sweet Malt, that a Thing is done soon enough, if well enough: that hasty Bitch's bring forth blind Whelps: that rash temerity is the Daughter of Folly, and Mother of Repentance. divers Diseases proceeding from Inanition and Exhaustion, require necessarily, a convenient space of Time, that Nature's loss and expense may be by degrees repaired, restored, and (as it were) re-edified. Others are of a Churlish, Stubbborne, and Rebellious Disposition, and must be gently and softly handled, and by little, and little, in some length of Time, tamed and cicurated. They are like a sleeping Dog which must not suddenly be awaked, lest you do Irritare Crabronem, duplicare malum, and bring an old house upon your own, (or at least) the Patients Head. Rome was not built in a Day, and no Matter of weight or moment, can be negotiated and managed in a moment or trice, unless we will huddle, and slubber them up in such sort, as we must do, redoo, undo, and as good never a whit, as never the better.  
Their last and surest Card, whereby as with a cunning & strong Engine, they break open the Gates of the long assailed Fort, making themselves Lord, and Owners thereof, so as the poor Patient doth yield himself as altogether vanquished and subdued, and not able, to hold out any longer, is this. They will solemnly profess, that though their skill be singular, and supereminent, yet their Desire is rather to do Good, then to heap up Gold: (for if they had been of that humour, they might have been worth thousands, and ●umbled themselves in silver before this time) and therefore for the good liking they conceive of the Patient, and his gentle and courteous Nature and behaviour, they will require nothing, until they have performed, and perfected the Cure. Hereupon the Patient is so well appayed, that he thinketh he hath gotten the Pope's hollowness by the Toe, & met with the plainest, kindest, honestest, and friendlyest Gentleman in the World. But you must know, that though our crafty Copsemate, and old beaten Veterator, gloze, and glaver thus, yet he meaneth nothing less. For having by this means entered into work with the Patient, after three, or four Days, all which while, he will show himself double Diligent, and tell him many a fair Tale, and loud Losing, he will (spying his opportunity) break with him thus.  
(Sir) you discern (I hope) that I have a special care of you, you see what continual pains I take, beside the expense and laying out of my money out of my purse for your Medicines. I trust you will have some consideration hereof, and allow me money for to pay the Apothecary. The Patient (if he be of any good, or kind Nature, being overcome with kindness) cannot but yield to this equal Motion, and usually will out with his purse, and give him four or five Angels, to buy Apothecary Ware, as they use to speak. This our broking Mountebank receiveth with a right good will, saying to himself, that he shall not now lose all, but that he is reasonable well paid for five or six, or at most ten shillings bestowed in Drugs And for the most part, when they have gotten possession of this money, they have attained the end and top of their drifts. For you must understand, that the greatest part of them tarry not out the process of their Cures. But having made four or five such like Markets in several places of the Town, whereunto they arrive, they betake themselves fair and roundly to their heels, giving their Patients the bag, and leaving them in the lurch, in the midst of their Foole-conceited Hopes.  
And although I might say, His facient exemola fidem, for Examples of these notorious Couzenages do abound, and are too plentiful in all Places, yet because I fear lest I have tarried too long in this base Argument, and spent too much time in stirring this filthy Dunghill, I will hasten to an end, and exemplify my Discourse with one only Store.  
That base, unlettered, and unmannered Thick-skin, (of whom mention by the way was formerly made, B. of H. by the Thames side) coming to London, and noysing abroad by his Trumpeters, his singular and admirable Skill and Dexterity in curing divers dangerous, desperate, and in truth, incurable Diseases, was brought by some of his Brokers, to a grave and honest Citizen, afflicted with that Malady, wherein the learned Physicians fly to Solus Coulter, Solus Cultellus. This noble Swan, this vain and vaunting Clown, bragging of sundry great and wonderful Cures by him performed upon Gentlemen and others in the Country, whom he blushed not to name, knowing that the Parties being absent, he could not be controlled, professed to cure him absolutely (without cutting) and that in three weeks space. The Citizen though he gave too listening an ear to these goodly Tales of our cracking Mountebank, and was somewhat tickled to hear of Health and Recovery, and that with such celerity and expedition, yet having a tolerable and good conceit of a Physician, whom formerly he used, sent unto him, desiring him to confer with our deep and profound Artist, & to join with him in the Curation. The Physician repairing to the Patient's house, and entering Parley with our monsieur Magnifico, signor Rusticus, requested him to know what Course he would take in the Cure. I (quoth he) will give him no Physic. How will you then (replied the Physician) remove the Disease. I will do it (saith our Quacksalver) by a certain Gift given me, and by a rare and precious secret Medicine which I use.  
No marvel (answered the Physician) if your Medicine being no Physic, be strange and rare indeed above all I ever heard. But will you declare and show your Medicine, that we may discern and judge of the fitness and efficacy thereof, to perform this great and strange effect. Nay by your leave (said he) you shall pardon me, the fool is wiser than so. If I would have discovered my Secret, two great Doctors of Oxford would have assured me an Annuity of forty pound yearly, during my life. I am sufficiently known I tell you (Sir) and that to no Babes, or base Persons, but to divers of the greatest Noblemen in the Land: and am admitted to their Speech and Presence, when Velvet Coats dance attendance without. The Physician perceiving by this small Conference, monsieur Mountebank to be of the right stamp, taking the Patient aside, and showing him the gross Ignorance, and intolerable Arrogancy of the Sottish Ass, persuaded him in many words, to shake him off, if he respected his Life, Health, or Credit, as a mere Cozener and Impostor. But he (though otherwise of sufficient wisdom) was so inveigled, or rather bewitched with the great brags, and senseless Tales of this braggadocian Quacksalver, that he would admit of nothing sounding to his Disgrace, or Disparagement: affirming that by dealing with him, he could receive no detriment, since he required no money, until he had absolved and finished his Cure. The Physician answered, that though he made that goodly pretence to draw him on, and himself into the Cure, yet it was like, that by one means or other he would get into possession, some piece of money (for sure he was, that was the white and mark he aimed at) and then bid him farewell. This proved afterwards a very shrewd and perilous Prediction. For within few Days, passing by the Citizen's House, he called in, to see how the world went, and was by him saluted thus. (Sir) I doubt you will prove a Prophet, my Cunning Man, the last Day, complaining that he laid out his money at the Apothecaries, to buy Simples to compound my Medicines, I thinking it no reason he should be at such charge for me, opened my Purse, and gave him four Angels. But I have wished them since twice in it again: for I fear he will make your words good, he hath cast me once or twice by his tamperings and Drugs, into the fit of an Ague, so that I was ready (but for shame) to have sent for you. I believe, when all is done, he will show himself a Cozening Companion. The Physician smile, answered: who than I perceive your deep Doctor will not lose all his labour. He hath now as much money as he will look for at your hands, and you as much Good, as you must expect from his. He hath cleared three Angels at the least, (shear gains) for three or four Visitations: which if you had given the most learned Physician in the City, you would have scratched your Elbow, and thought yourself undone. Yet he failed in his first conceit, which notwithstanding is commonly their Rest. For not long after the shameless Companion feigned a necessary and urgent occasion of going into the Country, and before he went down, desired to have so much of those Commodities wherein his Patient dealt, as came to three Pound. The Citizen knowing that by his means he had got in the City of divers honest Men through his hyberbolical Commendation, twenty Nobles at the least, was content to lay them aside for him. But when he expected his present payment, he phopped him thus. Sir, we agreed for your Cure for five pound. I have received already forty shilling: now this three pound maketh up the just sum. Nay by your leave (said the Merchant) I look for ready money for my Ware. You have had on me already four Angels, and I am no whit better than I was, but rather in worse State. Perform your undertaken Cure, and you shall be assured of your money without fail. If it be so (said he) I must leave it behind me till I return or send you up money: for I have sent down my money before me. But neither Man nor Money returned in haste. This was an old-beaten Soldier, a good Proficient, well trained up in this School of Cozenage, and Coney-catching, he had learned his lesson perfectly, and was able to run it over upon his fingers Ends. For if you compare his Story with our present Discourse, you shall see that he neither failed nor faltered in any one Point of his Portuse.  
Thus I have spent (as you see) some few successive and Idle-vagant hours, in unfolding and laying open the Pack and farthel of these circumferanious jugglers, and peddling Pettifoggers in Physic, who by these Adulterate, and Sophsticate Wares, deceive, abuse, pray, and feed upon the ruder and simpler sort of People. Yea, and by your leave, sometimes overreach & cirumvent those, who think themselves jolly fellows, and great wise Men, to the great blemish and disgrace of that ancient, worthy, and honourable Profession of Physic, discredit, obloquy, and contempt of learned and good Physicians, and to the great damage and detriment of her majesties Subjects, both in their Bodies, and outward Estates. My hope is, that this Cursory, and rhapsodical Discourse (for to have ransacked every Corner and Crevise in this Budget, would require a longer Tractat, and may hereafter be performed if this (Labour) prove plausible and grateful may do good to some, and hurt none, except the intruding and shifting Mountebank, whose prosecution, and persecution, both I, and all the learned Gentlemen of our College, have in our Initiation and Inanguration solemnly vowed, and protested. It being the very ground and Original, of all those large and bountiful Immunities and Privileges granted first to our Society, by that puissant Prince of famous memory, Henry the eight, and afterward ratified and confirmed by his Peerless Daughter, Queen Elizabeth, the Mirror of all Heroical and Princely virtues, the Assertor and Protector of true Relion, the Maule of Antichrist, the Astonishment and Wonder of Christendom, and the whole World, that we should, Videre & prospicere, ne quid in Rebus Med. Resp. Detrimenti caperet. That is, that we should foresee and take order, that the Commonwealth be not wronged in Matters appertaining to Physic. It is therefore an odious Calumny, and slanderous untruth, which these base and outcast Companions give out, when they are punished by the College, for their gross Sottishness, shameless Intrusion, and unsufferable, and pernicious Offences and Disorders, that they are therefore only pursued by us, because they take away our profit, (when as in truth, they eftsoones make work for us) and do more good, than the College of Physicians: whereas the great Acts they do, may appear partly by this present Discourse, and yet more evidently by those lamentable Accidents, and miserable Ends of many poor souls in London in a year, falling into these Huckster's, or rather Hackster's hands. Our Consciences toward God, our Duty toward our Prince, our Love to our Country, the honour of our Profession, the Oath we have taken in our Admission, do all bind us, as by a double or triple cord or band, Ad persequendum indoctos Empericos, & Impostores. To pursue unlearned Empirics, and Impostors.  
In conclusion therefore, I desire them who have occasion to use Physic, to remember always his saying, who affirmeth, that Plus mali a medico quam a Morbo imminet, si aut audacia, aut Imperitia Poccet. There is more Danger to be feared from the Physician, then from the Disease, if he offend either in blockish Ignorance, or rash temerity; and think it safe for them, to be of the same mind with a great Learned Clerk in our Land, who in a dangerous sickness, being moved by some friends to use an unlettered Empiric. Nay (quoth he) I have lived all my Life by the Book, and I will now (God-willing) likewise die by the Book. And so I wish from my heart to every one of them, in Time of Health, a sound, faithful, and constant friend, who is called Medicamentum vitae, and that they may avoid the Silken and Oily Tongues of the flattering Sycophant, and in Time of Sickness, an honest and learned Physician: and that they may not fall into the butcherly hands of the merciless Carnifex (I would but (because it is out, and not amiss, let it go) have said) Quacksalver.  Carpere vel noli Nostra, veledae Tua. 
FINIS.   

divers faults have escaped the Printer; which as they are easily discerned. so I entreat thee (friendly Reader) to amend with thy Pen, as thou goest along: and to pardon me, who by occasion of some Business, have not looked so narrowly to them, as I should, and (otherwise) would have done.