depiction of Harry White   

Harry White his humour, So near as may be set forth by M.P.  

In which is expressed,  
Both earnest and jest:  
Let honest men buy,  
And knaves let it lie:  
This is not for them,  
Who virtue contemn▪   

Not every man in's humour's promised here,  
Yet in one's humour many more appear.   
Printed at London for Thomas Lambert, at sign of the Hors-shoo in Smithfield   


To that great Promulgater,  
And neat divulgater,  
Whom the city admires,  
And the Suburbs desires,  
M.P. wisheth happy  
Success, and Ale nappy,  
That with the one's pain,  
He the other may gain.   
Honest Harry,  
Feign I would say something, yet I know not (nor indeed care not much) what to say to thee; I know thou art one armed for all sayings. For to speak truly, praise of thee would be counted but phantasmie; and admiration mere adulation: how canst thou want worth, who hast such an ample faculty in emblazoning, and (indeed sometimes) adding to the worth of other men? It likes my humour well to describe thine so well as I could: the best on it is, thy humour is my privilege; therefore if what is here written slightly, be ill read, and worse understood, I can excuse myself, (as many men do their own faults by other men's) saying, it is Harry Whites humour. Surely I think I have fitted thy humour in general, if not I pray thee let thy particular humour pardon escapes. I have assayed to humour thee, invited by this benefit, that by humouring thee I shall humour a thousand: now if any be in the humour to be vexed at thy humour: tell them thy humour is armed against the assault of any humour: thus wishing that thy humour may be satisfied with ten thousand two penny customers, I commit thee to thy humour, and thy humour to thy custody, desiring ever to rest, but never to be arrested.  
Thine at a pot and a pipe, M.P.   

Harry Whites' humour.  
VEry good Sir, but why Harry Whites humour? pray what humour hath Harry White, that another man is not guilty of? why sir to satisfy your inquisitive humour, I'll tell you what Harry Whites humour is: but beforehand I pray be not angry, yet if you be, Harry White cares not; that is part of his humour, he had rather see a whore want painting for her face than an honest. Woman want bread for her children.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He had rather that théeves and cutpurses (and consequently the hangman) should want employment than honest tradesmen should lack work or money.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He would have fewer bawdy houses, and more almshouses: also he wisheth that rich people were more charitable: or that the poor had less need.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He can (when he is hungry) ver● thankfully eat a red herring: but yet he prefers a Hen or a Capon before it, and holds either of them to be better merit.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He love's (and honours) all good qualities in men, yet he esteems honesty as the Master-p●ece.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He delights much to hear a good ring of Bells, yet he could wish rather to show you a gold (or Diamond) Ring of his own, though upon another man's finger.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He can (in case of necessity) drink upon free cost, yet he is better pleased when he hath money to pay for his liquor.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He love's to ride when he is weary yet (at certain times) he holds it ominous to ride 〈…〉 Holborn.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He is offended at nothing so as at swearing, cursing, or blasphemy, especially when an old hawd swears she is an honest Woman.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He takes more pleasure to see a Knight of the Post, play at boe peep upon a scaffold, than to behold a Carrier's horse to fall under his load.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He prefers a Cook's shop before a fencing school: and what is the reason think you? why, because he had rather break his face than his head.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He cares not much for a dancing-school, because if need be (rather than fall) he can eat Mutton without Capers.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He thinks Millers and Miser's are more correspondent in trade than in name: and why so? because as the one grinde● 〈◊〉: 〈…〉, the other grinds the poor.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He troubles not his head much with learning Arithmetic, for (when he is at the best) he can calculate his money without either pen or Counters.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item Of all men living he regards Lawyers. A reason for that prithee? why I'll tell you sir their attractive policy draws him an Iron audience out of the Country: for he thinks it is never so well with London as when the hobnayles strike fire out of th● stones.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item It goes to his very heart to hear the man that cries buy a brush, for it puts him in mind of his holiday cloak that lies in Long-Lane to be brushed: for though his knavery be but little, yet a stronger cloak would do well to cover it, lest one that hath much should steal away his little: for now adays no knavery no living.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He is loath to marry a Widow because he will not taste of that which another man died after.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He is confidently conceited that if all men would abstain from immoderate drinking, quarrelling, wenching, and gaming: Physicians, Surgeons, and catchpoles, should have fare less employment than they have.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He is also verily persuaded that if Women could but govern one little piece of flesh (the tongue I mean) so many of them would not go with party coulerd faces.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He will not be troubled with paying Alehouse scores: no, no, he hath a fine trick to prevent that: as how sir I prithee? why by calling in no more than he is able to pay for.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He scorns to be comited a shifting companion, for where he meets with good liquor and good company, he seldom departs willingly, until Peter poverty puts him out of the door.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He hates of all (humane) things to be overseen in bread: for he had rather the Brewer should thrive than the Baker.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He holds it necessary and convenient, by order of equity (and indeed warranted by his own exemplary practice) that he who is drunk overnight, shall (in satisfaction to the Bachinalian statute) pay a groas on the next morning.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item Having lately read the rare history of patiented grizel, out of it he hath drawn this Philosophical position, that if all women were of that Woman's condition, we should have no employment for cuckinstooles.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He is of this opinion, that if the histories of Garragantua and Tom Thumb be true: by consequence Bevis of Hampton, and Scoggins Jests must needs been Authentical.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He is an excellent Orator, and I think he carries some glue upon his tongue that joins the ears of his auditors so fast unto him, that they cannot departed till they are pleased or vexed: for you shall see the people flock about him, like Bees to a honey pot: he tells them his mind, and is in a manor indifferent whether they be angry or pleased.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He hath more mind to go to Billingsgate to eat Oysters, (though he purchase friendship with a box on the ear) than to interpose himself in an idle quarrel, when he may gain a broken pate for his good will.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He professeth himself an open enemy to double dealing, and yet in cold weather (provided it be at your own charges) you may easily persuade him to wear two shirts.  
This is Harry Whites' humour.  
Item He never will be sparing in other men's praises, for he extolles a good work (done by any man) to the highest: and this is not only done in corners, for he tells it openly in the streets.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He is to much addicted (and that is both a mad humour, and a bad humour) to any Sycophants that will flatter his fancy: and by their tongues (being giulded with deceit) draw silver out of his pockets in expenses.  
This is Harry Whites' humour, by no wise man to be followed.  
Item He hath an admirable faculty in judging the minds of others, for if he sees a maid of her own accord to kiss a young man he dares almost be sworn sh●● love's him.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He holds it an odious object to see a man drunk: but a Woman to go réeling in the streets, cut upon her beast.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item Besides this, he thinks it may been probably conjectured (without any prejudice to art or nature) that a Woman who will be commonly drunk, doth now and then (when her senses are intoxicated) mistake another man for her husband.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He love's good company with all his heart, and had rather spend a shilling on a good fellow, than a penny on a whore.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He cannot abide to whisper out his mind, as though he were either afraid, or ashamed of his profession: no, no, you shall hear him, if you be near him: he will not lack money, if speaking for it can procure it.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He is seldom or never afraid of arresting: for poverty prevents borrowing, and if nothing be borrowed, there is nothing to pay: then a fig for the catchpole.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He love's no kind of gaming, his reason is this, that although the game of itself may be lawful enough (being lawfully used for honest recreation) yet there are so many absurdities and inconueniencies derived from the same, (as swearing, cursing, quarrelling, between nearest friends: and many other evils) that he will not play with any man, no not for shooe-buckles.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He holds it unnecessary that a horse-courser and a broker should dwell near together: why so sir? why sir, because the proverb says, that a crafty knave needs no broker.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item He had rather see a pickpocket carried to Newgate (look to your purses Gentlemen) than a poor man to the Compter for debt.  
This is Harry Whites humour.  
Item He esteems it a point of no good husbandry for any man to loiter and be drinking all the working days, and to follow his labour on Sundays, or holy-days: neither doth he commend the custom of those journeymen, or labourers, who having received their wages on the Saturday night, do spend all (or the most part of it) on Sunday: and the next week following are forced to make more fasting-days than the Church commands.  
This is Harry etc.  
Item He deems that a preposterous government where the wife predominates, and the husband submits to her discretion; that is just Hystoron & Proteron, the Cart before the horse.  
A woman's counsel's ofttimes fit,  
For many of them have sudden wit:  
But where the wife bears greatest sway,  
That house can be at no good stay.  
This is Harry, etc.  
Item On the contrary he counts it a base inhuman part, for any man to beat his Wife: nay and besides, it is an absurd fully, for if she be good, ill usage may pervert her: if she be bad, blows will not mend her: for being a weak vessel she will rather break with beating: what a simplicity is it for a man (in his fury) to give his Wife a black eye: and then to cog and flatter, look babies in her eyes, call her his pigs nigh, and cry Peccavi (for his fault) a fortnight, or three weeks after.  
This is not Harry Whites' humour.  
Lastly, Harry White is glad at the heart to see the young men laughing, the maids smiling, some drawing their purses, others groping in their pockets, some pretty lasses feeling in their bosoms for odd parcels of money wrapped in clouts: for these are evident presages of his good fortune: ah what dulcet music it is to his ears, when he hears his audience cry, jointly, give me one, give me two: change my money says one, here is a single two pence says another.  
This fits Harry Whites' humour.   

Postscript.  

1  
NOw worthy friends if what is here expres●●●  
of Harry White his humour, yours have plased  
The author and the Subject will contest  
about their shares of Joy; yet soon appeased,  
Shall jointly join in their congratulation,  
While in your loves both hath participation.   

2  
IN his one humour many are comprised  
then take your choice, as every man shall fi●●  
In his own heart: what here's epitomised,  
you may exemplify in your own mind.  
Let fame, (times harold) deign to blaze this rum●●  
When Harry whites not here, yet here's his humour    

An applause by L.P. Of the Author M.P.  
THe Author of this little book,  
which he in love hath penned,  
Is 'cause some may behold their faults,  
and practice to amend.  
He flatters not as many do,  
to win himself a praise,  
But boldly paints abuses forth  
that's used now adays  
'Mongst men of sound discretion, sure  
these lines will breed no jar,  
But it may make galled jades to kick,  
because they spurred are,  
The Author in a recompense,  
to them that angry be,  
Bequeathes a gift that's called  
old Gillian's legacy.  
FINIS.   

 depiction of Harry White