THE LEGEND OF SIR LEONARD LACK-WIT, son IN LAW TO SIR GREGORY NONESENCE, By the marriage of his wives eldest daughter to Sir Simon simplo, Translated out of all Christian Languages into the Kentish tongue. BY MARTIN PARKER. Falsis, mill, awyer andoreth, rowne, Mis, vtes. Printed at LONDON by E. P. and are to be sold between dover cliff, and berwick Bridge. An. 12000. Or else are to bee sold by Stephen Pemmell, at the black Bull near the gate on London Bridge. 1633. To that Mighty Neptune of the Thames, great Master of the Ancient and Renowned Fraternity of oars and Scullers, his ever honoured and worthily admired friend, Master John tailor, the Water-Poet: M. P. wisheth all the Content that Land and Water can afford him. A boat, a boat, John tailor, come make hast, here comes a Knight that fain would haue a cast: He has nor wit nor coin, and thoult not care For taking pains with such a paltry faire: Yet prithee do't this one time for my sake: Tis not the worst pains that thou e'r didst take. If thou object and think it is unfit, That thus I play the fool through lack of Wit, ( For such a book to crave thy patronage, Who art for Wit the mirror of our Age) In my most just defence I thus reply, Why mayest not thou lack Wit as well as I? I knowing that thou didst beget and name Sir Gregory nonsense( to thy long lived famed. Thought it expedient and most requisite That thou shouldst patronise my lack of Wit. Thou canst speak nonsense where the waters roar, And so can I lack Wit vpon the shore: between us two all Men may understand There's as much knavery by sea and land, As all the world beside( so people say) For oft the fool's the wisest in the play. It may be thought that thou art no small fool, Thou shew'dst great wit in writing great O tool. Well, to be brief, J prithee entertain This simplo Knight sprung from my simplo brain, And in like simplo plain true love Ile be, While I can writ, or speak, thy friend M. P. To no matter who, any body, or no body, wise or foolish Readers. IT was my chance of late to be in Paris upon the top of London-bridge, on the seventy seventh of November, which was Whitsun Eve, when Hiperion was taking a nap in his Meridian about mid-night; I sitting to shade myself from the scalding breath of Boreas, under the leaves of a hackney turnip; there came by me( with tardy hast) a little low man, not above sixteen foot high, I spake not a word to him, but saluted him with humble sublimity; and he very courteously gave me cross answers; but at last with negligence and great heed he sate down by me upon a crimson satin Bulrush, and listened close without any attention, while he and I between us three demonstratively discoursed on that ignoted Knight Sir Leonard Lacke-wit; whose story as I heard it without ears, so Ile express it without pen, ink, or paper, wishing the Reader not to bee angry with his judgement, if he can find neither Wit nor Sense in it; for I tell him beforehand, that if he looks for any such matter, he is deceived; for if it were witty, it would be disproportionable to the Title, and my intention; therefore, Like it, or leave it, all's one to me, For I am and will be plaine-dealing M. P. An Alphantasticall( alphabetical, I should have said) note of all those ignoted Authors, that are negligently mentioned in this huge Volume. ANdrew cain of all trades. Adam Bell. Aristippus. Abraham Basting-ladle. Ace of Spades. Banbury Cakes. bears Bag-piper. Clim of the Clough. cock Wat. Cockle de Moy. cock Robin. Dapper dick. Dagger pie. devil and the Scold. Doll the dairy maid. Elinor Rumming. Evan up powel. eel pies in lent. friar Bacon. friar Rush. friar tuck. Fenner the rhymer. Ging the cobbler. George a loo. Gregory Brandon. Giles the Great. Girgin the bean shi— ter. Huffes Ale. Hollands leaguer. Hungers sauce. Ignatius Loyola. jack a Dandy. Jacke Pudding. John for the King. King and the Tanner. King and the Miller. Knavery of all Trades. Lusty laurence. Lancashire Hornepipe. look out Neighbours. Madge beggar. Mal. Simmes. Money is an ass. Muld sack. No body loves me. nick nine holes. Nichole-a-Cod. Ned Smith. Newgate college. Onele the Great. ogre the Dane. Otemeale hoe. Opportunity is a Bawd. Post and pare. Primero. Primevistoe. Pressing of Watermen. pinner of Wakefield. Peter Cranfield. Quart-pot Law. queen Dido. quarreling dick. quick and nimble. Robin Good-fellow. Robin Hood. Rowland and Oliver. Racking of Rent. Round about our coal fire. shoemaker is a Gentleman. Sisly Bumtrinkets. See and see not. Service is no heritage. Shan a Morgan. Tom Long the carrier. Trundles Dragon. Tib and Tom. Three Testers for a shilling. Valentine and Orson. Valiant Welshman. Vineger and Mustard, Veale pies. William of Cloudesley. Wa●… ●yler. Wine, Ale and beer. Wily beguily. Xantippe and Socrates. Xenophons medley. yorkshire cloth. Yeomen of Kent. Yes I warrant you. yolks of eggs. Zoroaster upon magic. Zenobia and tamburlaine. All these( as soon as any one of them) you may find very large & sparing touched in this marvellous Historianly, for confirmation of the truth and true sense of this Story. Some small faults( on purpose) escaped in the printing, lest the Reader should think that the book were guilty of being too much senseable or sententious. IN the 1099. page., line 205. for time red hard. In the 300. page., line 400 for merchant red a mere cheater: in the 65. page. line 290. for powderd beef red mustard: in the 103. page., line 88. for wives red few good: in the 709. page., line 11000. for morris dancers red a Tabber and pipe: in the 608. page. line 96. for a pot of Ale red a penny: in the 150. page., line 900. for Poetry red poverty: in the 570. page., line 87. for an owl red an ivy three, in the 48. page., line 80. for Marshalmen, read merciless men: in the 600. page., line 99. for a Tinker red a budget: in the 67. page., line 52. for a cuckolded red horns. These with a great many other faults the intellectual Reader may easily mend when he meets them in his dish. You who will hear some news worth admiration, List to Sir Leonard Lacke-wits Promulgation. IN the times of Yore, some 4. dayes since, in Christmas holy dayes, when pease began to bloom, about the midst of November, when the sign was in Shrovetuesday; and the moon in May-day, I met King Janus leading a band of Butter-flies, against the Tartars in Tower street, but with a blast from bosoms inn, the three Kings of Cullin were sent into Pater-noster Row to buy Parsnips, when by the intercession of Morpheus, Muld-Sacke was metamorphosed into an Ale-house. The Bull of Phalleris broken out of the parish Garden, and flew three Pigeons in the Poultry Counter. Alexis enraged( with silence broken out) into a great fury against Painters, while poor Tom of Bedlem broken the head of Cerberus with the Ore of Charon. Atlanta and Hipomones played at foot-ball in Tuttle fields: The petty-foggers of Virginia set Hercules and Caucasus together by the ears, about the drinking of fried Hartichokes. The blue bores of Islington forest leaped over Pancrasse Church to invade the Turkes Army in Bosworth field: these things( with diligent negligence) were told to the Emperour of Pyramedes, who sent four dripping tyrants to tell great tamburlaine, that London had never a cuckolded in it. King Priam hearing this joyful news, took two quarts of scalding Gun-powder, and drank a health to the six Wind-mills in Gracious street. Aesculapius gave a glister to Aristippus, & made him vomit as much horsbread as served to feed Bucephalus eight hundred yeeres and fifty four moneths; the South wind seeing things to be so carried at Totnam Court, sent out a warrant to catch the River of Severne in a mouse-trap; all the shoemakers shops on Salisbury plain were( without hands) removed to the top of Grantham steeple. Pandion Prince of Athens sent Grobendunke the grazier to the sign of the three Pigeons in Cowcumber Alley, to inquire for Raddle the Ratcatcher; while this hurly burly was in Crooked lane, there came a Post riding upon a Mackerill, that brought news from Sparta, that ganymede and jupiter were gone to jerusalem to eat steakes at Nicholas Shambles. All the Sopeboylers in Sandrocola made petition to the King of Sclavonia, to set up shop upon Madames Court hill. King Admetus of Thesaly sailing along the cost of Shoreditch, met the pinner of Wakefield at Saint Giles in the fields, between whom and the carrier of Carthage was a cruel combat about the beating of Saint Thomas a Watering; the crier of Constantinople was sent to Long Acre, & to cry a blue bitch that was lost at Shrewsbery; in the mean time fourteen ounces of Nutmegs, and ten kilderkins of Ale, were controverting about the Pope and the devil. The Turkish Sultan lead an army into Plutarchs Morals; and being met at Coventry, by the Tinker of Turvy, he was overthrown at Canturbury, near Harrow on the Hill, when suddenly the blind man of Hollowell turned starre-gazer, and made almanacs as true as any of the fraternity: then with 93. yards of ell broad packthread, the King of Egypt lead the earl of Acherow over the economical Ocean into Parnaflus ferry, and with a boat made of Whale bones he sailed from Easter monday to Saint albans; the Prince of plebeians invited Heliogabalus to a supper of Sprats, on Whitsunday in the morning. Tom Teltroth met with Aquarius at Stratford Langton, and broken his water-tankard against a snow-ball that lay on the top of Middleborough Castle; then with four dooms of Hilarity, and eleven ounces of Lachrymae, the Duke of duplicity made a simplo compounded potion, to give to god Bacchus, for a mornings draft after supper; all the pudding-pyes in Fleet Lane leaped for ioy, when they heard this nuntius, for they ignorantly knew that when friar Bacon came from trump Alley, the Sophy of Persia should rue his voyage to petticoat lane; thus in a calm commotion the peers of pie-corner ran to Aleppo by candle light, and informed the great master of Malta, what sport was at Sturbridge fair. The fire-shovell and the tongs sate in consultation, and( with disparity) agreed upon the point, the sum of their calculation was this, that sea-coales being so cheap, whether the fault was in the Merchant, or the Woodmonger; when presently two Humble-Bees divided the controversy, that seeing an ass is a beast, why should not an owl be a bide? After this the Ace of spades in a merry( malcontent) went over into Ireland to talk with the Emperor of Russia, about the battle of Cressy, Propertius some eight yeeres hence, put himself apprentice to Pegasus; whereof Prometheus hearing, came presently to Duke Humphries( in Long lane) and vowed the death of all honest Brokers. Don John of Austria married Pope Vrbans son at Alexandria on Candlemas day a week after Easter. sisyphus threw a ston at Tantalus, who( in revenge) beat out his brains with a roasted apple. The puritans of Argeere having notice of Cheapsides honour, went dancing the Morris from Dover to Callis; while these things were in action at Brinigham, Will Summers frighted cardinal Wolsey with an ox hid, and made him run to Rome with a mortar on his head. An invincible navy of Gnats sailed thorough White chapel, and landed at Rotterdam; which so amazed Erasmus, that he turned over twelve leaves of his book: The Hungarians seeing this, sent post to Primrose hill to give notice to the Duke of Hellespont, what brave spiced Cakes were at Hogsdon; In the interim Rumny Marsh made preparation for the entertainment of Smithfield bars. hannibal the roman, and Scipio the carthaginian wrestled in Moore fields, while the Tripewives of Braineford sailed to London in Cockle shells; all the Spider-catchers of Dublin were sent to Waterford to kill Adders. The Realto of Venice fell at odds with Saint Michaels at Coventry, about paying tithes to Doctor Story, which caused such a friendly commotition in Milford Haven, that the besiegers were afraid of the besieged. All the Bells in Woodstreet Counter rung merrily, when they heard that the King of Aethiopias general was slain. Colbrand the Danish dwarf took advantage of Tom Thumbs victory, and lead an Army of Broome-staves to the top of Bansteed downs, and there he encountered with Pericles the Prince of Tyre upon Bromly Common, and overthrew him in Lincolns inn fields. The Pierian Valleys( between Europe and Gravesend) were strewed over with Primroses, for ioy that the Queen of hearts was returned from Quinborough. The Beadle of Bewmorris took Sardinapalus in Bloomesberry, and carried him to the Bridewell in berwick, thinking he had been a common whore of Deptford. Michael joseph the Blacke-Smith stolen a hammer and a pair of pincers from Vulcan, for which old Mulciber brought him before the Collier of croyden, who committed his carcase to the Mag-Pyes of Padington. The Burgomasters of Battersea learned out of Chaucers Dictionary, that rowing far passes either riding or running. Heraclitus laughed to see Battle Bridge brought to Bilinsgate in a Boat: while news was told to great Agamemnon, that Rocius should come to act, Wit, whither wilt thou, at the Fortune. The scholars in Finsberry jail gave great thankes to the tomb of King Pharomond for giving relaxation to the Custards of Chelsea. Strange sights were seen at Cuckolds Haven near Ludlow: three men had four hands & five legs. The Post-master of Hockly in the hole, road upon a green Grey-hound from greenwich Castle to Gaunt, in less than four daies and forty eight houres, to the great admiration of the Caliph of Babylon. Though a man and a horse be of different qualities, yet tis known by experience throughout all Saint Georges fields, that a whore can drink as good wine as an honest woman, and though a man were as chast as Leda, as honest as Meselina, and as constant as clytaemnestra, yet in the judgement of some, Lucretia, Penelope, and Peroe, shall bee counted the better men. A Stork is a strange bide, & so is a Duck, but by the counsel of King Cleopatra and queen Antonia, no man ought to pay money before he hath it; nay, I dare avouch it from the authority of Silvius past honesty, that fifteen Partridges are better than seventeen red Herrings and eighteen sprats to boot: but he that eats Frogs in the fields, must not scorn Hens and Capons at home; for tis very probable, that if Amphitrion should catch jupiter in bed with his wife Alcumena, he'd think he is a cuckolded, though he be none: but did Anchises know that Niobe sold butter in Newgate Market; he'd sand to the Constable of Chester, and fetch her away, manger the Maior of Lutterworth. Old Hobson the Hermes of the Muses, is gone to drive Charles his wain: but you must imagine that Mackarels are not sold twelve a groat al the year long: Though a man were as wise as Pamus, and rich as Irus, and as handsome as Aesop, yet a boy of two yeeres old may be as honest. In a moment of time, before a man could have gone from berwick to bristol and back again, friar Francis had said matins, eaten his breakfast, kist his lemon, and was gone as far as Mid-summer, before old Pentecost was ware. Some thinking Herostrates was but a Ninihammer for burning Dianas Temple; but in my conceit Icarus and Dedalus might have scaped drowning if they had caught hold on windsor Castle. Telyphus King of Mysya had certainly but bad counsellors: for the cross daggers in Monks Kirbie, would haue cured him better than all the rust upon the spear of Achilles: But if the Tanner of Tamworth come next monday to Leaden Hall, it is a troublesone day to the mighty Miller of Newport panel. By the report of old women and dogges, tis need that makes the old wife trot. Thus with parsimonious and profuse Housekeepers, Sir Leonard Lackwit kept his C●… stmas from Bartholmewtide, until Saint Iefferies Eve, and then an ass was sent to him in embassage from the ignominiall Emperour of Vtopia; by whom he was most fastidiously bid welcome, and with incomprehensible kindness cast into an invisible dungeon, from whence being brought to offend and abuse himself against his excusers, he made a long and insipient Oration in Oxhameter Verse, that for the quantity of their feet may out-trip Ladas the footman of Macedonian Alexander. But stay my Muse: we shal be betrayed anon: therefore let us give place to Sir Leonard Lack-wit, and let him speak for himself. for should any sense be found in this Legend, all the sport were quiter spoyled. Therefore, Silence my masters, while J do indever Unto you( in obscure terms) to deliver, A Speech made to the Emperor of Vtopia, Spoken in heathen greek, or Ethiopia. Tis b●tter stored with rhyme than tis with reason But if twere worse it now would come in season, For tis against the Authors first intention, If any wit be found in this invention Stand further off, war shins, lest I should wrong you, When these swift rhymes come galoping among you. To that most ignoble Icarion Idiot magpie among men, and a Bull-begger among Birds and Beasts, signor anonymous Jgnoto, Emperour of Vtopia, great King of Fairy Land, Prince of the high and mighty Nation, called the Pigmies, Duke of Diomondo, earl of Clappardudgeon, Governor of Greenland, and al the inhabitable islands in that waste part of the Terrestrial Globe, Sir Leonard Lack-wit his Masterships most sublime vassal, greeteth in this manner. O thou who art the onely Dominator Ore all these spacious bounds of Erra Pater, Thou that dost rule even from the walls of Bantā unto the very confines of Bizantam, To thee great King of Crickets, goose & ganders I that was once one of thy chief commanders, Now to such honour by that means am risen, That I have leave to famish in thy prison. I that lived like a Lord among thy Laquies, Now know not at what rate a pint of sack is: I that with beef and Bacon fed my Carkis, Now hardly know what kind of meat a Lark is, I that thy gardener was to dig and delve it, Have never a suit but satin, plush or velvet. I that was wont to keep frogs from thy trenches Am now enjoined to keep but just ten wenches. I that have heretofore danced many a merry Iig, Am now at last constrained to wear a periwig: Yet know, great mongril, that J do not fear thee, Nor would I have thee think that I do ieer thee. If thou tell me that I want understanding, To have the Ile of dogs at my commanding, I tell thee plainly I conceive great jealousy, That thou thyself art but a fool as well as I, Although my name be Lack-wit, yet it may be, That I have wit enough to please a Lady, Ide have thee know that I a man of note am, My father once was Alderman of Gotam. I have observed by my neglective knowledge, That al the wise men come not from the college, And I have known a dunce( as was thy grandser Demand a thing which Doctors cannot answer, And tis apparent both to good and bad men, That those who have no wit are fools or madmen Yet I have seen a drunkard oft go reeling, When yet his head hath hardly touched the ceiling. The proverb says, Plain dealing is a jewel, And I in Lent am glad of Watergrewell. Wert thou as merciful as was Busiris, Yet to have iustice of thee my desire is. Nay hadst thou as much ease as hath Ixion, Yet may a Mouse run safely by a Lion; Nay more, wert thou as true and just as Simon, Yet may thy Table serve for men to dine on. These things have oft tane up my contemplation Me thinks a Hangman's no good occupation: And though my teeth within my bosom chatter Be't known to thee, I came not here to flatter: It glads me more to hear a Carman whistle, Than to smell thee when thou dost fart & fistle. The fals of great men through ambitious climbing To poor men oft occasion gives of rhyming, Yet should blind Homer see what here I utter, Tis ten to one but he'd against me mutter. And Ile be sworn on Ciceroes Epistles, One sheaf of wheat is worth a load of thistles. There's many travellers find news to brag on, That are as true as Trundles Sussex Dragon: But when the wandring jew comes to Westchester He'l tell at Coventry what's done at Leister, If I should say I was at Leipsitch battle, J doubt some men would think 'twere idle prattle. but thers rare wonders told in kentstreet garrison Your weekly news to that makes no comparison. I oftentimes have heard my Grandam wonder, Why sheep and wolves should live so far asunder I did resolve her doubt, yet I said nothing Wolves be not known from sheep clad in sheeps clothing. Yet I confess, tis more fit for King Priam, To talk of these things than such fools as I am. well though these lofty matters are past my sense The proverb saith, losers may speak by licence. And now great Monopoly having vented My empty vessel, I am well contented, What saist thou to me? why didst thou convent me To tel the news for which thou mayst torment me Tush I regard thy spite less than a token, For thou canst take no hold of what I've spoken: I nonsense spoken on purpose to deceive thee, Now farewell: as I found thee, so Ile leave thee. This witless and eloquent Oration, being uttered with loud taciturnity, the whole Court of All-draymen rose up every one with a most virulent aspersion giving reprobation to the same. The mightlesse Emperour hearing Sir Leonard speak so ill in his own offence, though before he was egregiously exasperated, and highly pleased with him, yet now he so overcame his infections, that love was changed into inveterate good will; while this cause was betrayed at Westminster Hall, the Turkish Gallies landed at Totnam high cross, and encountering with the sumptuous cross at Abington, were overthrown at Dunstable, and carried prisoners to the great bed in Ware. news was brought to the King of Morocco that Vlysses and ajax were to play a set at Maw for the arms of Patroclus. Thus with friendly combats and tragical embracings, the sultan of Saint Omes at the saracens head in Carter lane, went to the sign of True the tailor in Thred-needle street, where having dined about four of the clock in the morning, they sayld from thence in a boat on dry land, to the top of Marlborrow Castle, & arrived at Peckidilly hall in Amsterdam, on the forty four of December, twenty eigh● houres after midnight, Minos and Pasiphae were married in queens Street, and soon after they fell at variance about the Bull at Bishopsgate. Thus tis for great men to mary their Chambermaids by the opinion of squint-eyed cur-dog. Marriage and hanging goes by destiny, he that had lived three hundred yeeres, and seen never a merry day, I know no reason why antiquity and his own experience may not teach him to see as far into a millstone as a younger body. But as elinor Rumming says, What will not people do to get money for strong Ale? so there is no creature so able to master a man as a shrew. Though London and york bee a great way asunder, yet man and wife may fall out and be friends again. You would think it were a great wonder to see a mouse catch a cat, and truly so should I; but were the King of Clubs of my mind, all the world should bee goeurned by the four elements. Diogenes was but an ass to look for an honest man in Athens, for if he would but make a step to Westminster in the term time he might find a million, nor can it be otherwise imagined, but that if Sir Ignis Fatuus had not been wiser than Phaeton, all the world had been burnt to Pyecrust; for the siege of jerusalem was but as Schollers shut out their masters against Christmas, in comparison of Hollands leaguer: but of all trades that bee, cobblers and butchers come most near to the practise of goodness, for they are still of the mending hand; and of the two the cobbler deserves precedency, for he mends the sole, and the Botcher only repairs the body. When eggs were sold for twenty a penny, a man might have filled his belly for six pence: but now adays, there is no less than your three penny Ordinary, that can give a mans stomach satisfaction. Old Histeron et Proteron the Carter, went to Smithfield to fetch a load of Hay, to feed Equiculus the huge and mighty horse of Bacchus, but being met at Scandroon by( swiftfooted) Saturne, his Cart was overthrown upon Braineford Bridge, and his hay was carried( away in a whirl wind) to the top of Bow steeple. Castor and Pollux ran at tilt in cuckolded pound, with spears made of Cantharides, for the love of pudding pie Doll. queen Hecuba kept an eight penn● Ordinary in Bethlem, and helen sold milk at hackney. While Wat tiler and King Guendolina went a fishing in a Leaden boat over the Ale antic Ocean into the forest of Dean in Asia Minor, thus with contaminous and dulcid favours the inhabitants of Green land putrefied and perfumed their unparalleled palace for the entertainment of the greasy and most horrible Emperour of Vtopia( before mentioned) a white Raven was sent on an errrand to Castle Angelo, to tell the Pope and his Cardinals, that Easter day happens on a Sunday. A mouse came swimming over the River of Rhine, with an Elephant on his back, and told the burghers of Basingstocke, that good Ale and beer may be made of barley; which they incredibly believing, gave testimony to the friars minoritis at Vienna, that lemons are good sauce to mutton; then by the advertisement of Primrose hill, an agreement was made between Dove-houses and salt-Peeter men forever: The Articles being written with a Spiders feather. The black dog of Newgate hath lately brought strange tidings out of Tripiloe, among the rest, that Mahomet is preferred to be chaplain in ordinary to Pluto the Prince of Avernus. King Thomiris and queen Cyrus very lovingly ran at barley break, upon Horse-head down near Redding. The blind beggar of Bednall Green, seeing the constant mutability of this permanent age, put on a pair of new shoes upon his shoulders, and a long staff on his heels, he went with remiss and careful heed to the Vice-Roy of Naples, and raised a hue and cry against the hogs of Doctor Faustus, for rooting up the corn upon Rochester bridge. The Fishwives of Feversham came in rage to billingsgate, and took away the Cucking stool, and carrying it into Saint Christophers island, burnt it in the River of Nylus, near Hartlerow. Palmirin of England wandring over black Heath to find out his mother Rowland( who dyed in armoniac the great) chanc't to find a Phoenix nest wherein were fourteen old ones, and fifteen young ones, with great leisure and much speed, he brought them( as a present) to the King of Numidia, dwelling at Durham, who very currishly accepted them, and to show his gratitude, preferred him to bee the pinner of Pancrasse. Tis a mad world when a Drunkard must break his nose through want of a post to run against. Thus promiscously, very certain and ambiguously, the Scullers of Barnet taught Aeneas Silvius, the way to go to Dunstable by water, while Ware and Wades mill went to Hounslow Heath, and robbed a naked Indian in New England. An Army consisting of 600000. Frogs, took shipping at Fathering Castle, & sailed to Constantinople, won the City, and took Gogmagog the Pigmy that was governor, whom they brought into Marow-bone Park, and there throwing him over board, drowned him on Dunsmore Heath. Thus as Sir Leonard Lack-wit began his Legend with a band of Butterflies, so by the shallow profundity of his inscrutable and incapable destruction, he hath fitted his marvellous and most uncertain true relation, to finish in the midst with an Army of Frogs. Now if any Readers shall question the truth of it( as questionless some will) Let them survey the wonderful and incredible true Histories of Garagantua, Tom thumb, Bevis of Southampton, with a thousand more, and they shall find that unless there bee lies in them, this must needs bee true. Yet the Authors who published those, thought they had wit enough: but I in my Title confess lack of wit; and therefore I hope I am the more excusable; but howsoever tis not my purpose to ravish your belief, and to bee plain, I hardly give credit to't myself. To the critical Readers. YOu who with over-curious Survey look, To find the smallest faults in any book; Now look your hearts out, here, you know your wages J have prevented you in all my pages, You look for nonsense where none can be found, So seek for sense, where nonsense doth abound. Lastly to the truly intellectual Readers. FRiends, do not think that always I lack wit, Though for this once I seem to publish it. Know that more wits required in seeming so, Than of small wit to make a glorious show, Let your acceptance my endeavours pitty, And for your loves Ile strive to be more witty. FINIS.