EPIGRAMS. by H. P. Mortui non mordent. Imprinted at London by R. B. and are to be sold by john Helm at his shop in S. Dunstan's Churchyard, 1608. Ad Candidum Lectorem. dives Arabs aurum, gemmas dat laetior orbis, Et queis confines Indus et Americus: Terra benigna quibus Thesauros divite vena Effundit; larga dant opulenta manu. At storilis Gens ista mea est, fulgentis Eoi Lumina, quam solis nulla bear solent. Quae tamen indigno concessit jupiter almus, (Nulla licet tanto judice digna), dabit. To the ungentilized Censurer. IF my ill-tuned Rhymes content the wise, Whose deeper judgements I desire to please: Let not the ruder sort be so precise, That (Critic seeming) cannot censure these. I write not to the rustic rabblement, Nor fawn upon the curious kind of men, But hold it more than bootless labour spent To beg their poor applause: nor care I then If such repine, whose envy cannot hurt, Though like a raging sea they foam their dirt. EPIGRAMS. 1 Et manibus pedibusque levis. LAys of lighter metal is composed Then hath her lightness till of late disclosed, For lighting where she little comfort feels, Her fingers there prove lighter than her heels. 2 Sic vos non vobis vellera fertis oves. Herd you with what surpassing rich array, Rutellus ruffled on S. George's day? 'twas pity, more than spite it should be known, That none of all those garments were his own: So that in stead of what report did scatter, He simply was nonsuited on the matter. 3 Virescit vulnere Venus. Susan's well sped, and wears a velvet hood, Why not? more like, her breeding hath been good: It's reason she should rise once in her life, That fell so oft before she was a wife 4 Qui quondam Lixa, Lanista. 'tis said that Whittington was raised of nought, And by a Cathath many wonders wrought: But Fortune (not his Cat) makes it appear, He may dispend a thousand marks a year. 5 Sic ars diluditur arte. Mark but the semblance of Fucatas face, How to the life her picture doth excel: For lovely feature, sweet and comely grace, (Surely the Painter hath done wondrous well): But here's the doubt, (both faces made by Art) Which you would choose to be of best desert. 6 Quam Partus Ventrem sequitur. Ralph hath an Office in reversion bought, But rues the time that yet no wit hath wrought: Content thee (Ralph) for wealth to let it pass, Thou art no worse fool than thy father was. 7 Qualis vita, finis ita. Leno lies sick and to the Doctor sends, who bids him look for what he least intends: And being oft to make his will requested, Refuseth, saying, he will die detested. 8 Grata superueniet quae non sperabitur hora. Persuade not Romulus to take a wife, That is to wedlock sworn an enemy: And ever vows to lead a single life, Which he accounts most honest purity. Besides a thousand reasons that constrains him, Amongst the rest 'tis known whose wife maintains him. 9 Iweni quid curua senectus? Silla hath got a wife that's wondrous old, 'tis true: he wooed her only for her gold: I hope her maids are young and serve for hire, Which is as much as Silla doth desire. 11 Quisquis sibi quaerit Egenus. This observation seems (quoth Fisco) strange, Why merchants walk in Paul's & knight's th'exchange: Belike the one seeks those their debts should pay, Whiles th'other goes to crave a longer day. 12 Spoliatis arma supersunt. Grand Captain Cosmo lives of coin bereft, Whose Page was wont his purse & coin to carry: Now neither Page, purse, coin, nor aught is left, Save what he's forc'r to pawn at th'ordinary. Thus squint-eyde fortune partial in her gifts, Puts men of note sometimes to needy shifts. 13 Nec vultus indicat illum. Dick in a raging deep discourtisie, Called a lawyer Mere Necessity The more knave he? admit he had no law, Must he be flouted at by every daw? 14 Plus Moechus omnis amat. Peace, weep no more (sweet Sisse) and all is well, Say I had found thee false thinkst thou i'll tell? No by this iron and steel, (which plainly shows it,) An honest Wit-all is no Gull that knows it. 15 Latet anguis in herba. Hilus hath hid himself this year and more, Not in respect of fear to show his face: But for herashly in his humour swore, The Sessions-house should no more sift his case: Would you the truth more plainly understand, He hath been twice before burnt in the hand. 16 Habet et musca splenem. Mopsus maintains that banckruptship less moves him, Then such a slave as for his wives sake loves him: Though well the weasel woteth to his grief, He cannot live without her friend's relief. 17 Fallentem fama fesellit. Priscus gave out he went to Prester john, Presuming to have purchased three for one: But see what luck his travails did beguile, Priscus hath ta'en the diet all this while. 18 Sictandem vincit inermis. Fell-foughten Furio hath now met his match, And is severely sent unto the jail, For blurting at Mas-Constable and his watch, Who bids away with him, admits no bail: As who shall know he's now the king's Peacemaker That was the last year but a kennell-raker. 61— habet sua Castra Cupido. Faedus hath got his neighbour's wife with child, And yet hath not her husband's bed defiled: For why, the plot within moorfield's was wrought, From whence a place was for that purpose sought. 20 Sapiat qui vendit oportet. janus doth jesting use Equinocation Alluding it, as doubtful words of Art, To hide the colour of his occupation, But to the devil he bears an honest heart. 21 Est mollis flamma medullas. Cucullus hath disguised his former feature, And like Pythagoras transformed shape, Is now (me thinks) become another creature, Half french, half english, (pox on such an Ape That imitates all fashions far and near) Though against the hair he buys them ne'er so dear. 22 Parturiunt Montes Murem. Diego will draw and stoutly stand unto it, Upon the utmost of his words bravado: But being urged on equal terms to do it, He basely pockets up the bastinado. 23. Non omnia possumus omnes Who says Alcides hath more beard than wit? Whose place and countenance controlleth it: Pish 'twas not meant he should more understand, Then might concern him to subscribe his hand. 24 Nimium ne crede colori. Battus believed for a simple truth, That yonder gilt-spur spruce and velvet youth Was some great parsonage or worthy wight, Until one told him he was but a knight, A knight (quoth Battus) vaith ay chud a zworne, He had at least been zum good gentleman borne. 25 Qui, modo Rusticus, olim. Po-lo pecks up a pretty prowling trade, That hath him prouder than his master made: But yet when all is done, the world mistakes him, For not his money, but the Tailor makes him. 26 Furor arma ministrat. Magus hath studied long to break a jest Upon these rhymes he doth somuch detest, And can you blame him? well he may be chiding That hath so often spurgald been with riding. 27 Qui fuit ante Pedes. The case is altered with Mercutio, Since his preferment to that noble man: What erst he hath been, boots not now to know, Those times are changed with him, what's then was than I dare presume Mercutio doth forget, That ever he a Bill in Paul's did set. 28 Mortalia cuncta caduca. Stella the star that whilom shined so bright, Is now eclipsed and hath lost her light: 'Twas pity (Stella) that thy stars were such, Better for thee they had not shined so much. 29 Hic laqueos tendit qui laqueo moritur. Who ever held Mendoza half so wise, To have attempted such an enterprise? As had not Tyburn soon prevented it, Mendoza would have learned but too much wit. 30 Nocet empta dolore voluptas. What cause had Livia to leave the City, Where she so flourished until now of late, Oh there's a fault escaped (the more's the pity), Which the Churchwardens would not tolerate, And yet the year before, they could dispense, Taking no knowledge of the like offence. 31 Fas est, quod Foemina fingit. Madam Ventoza can no longer frolic, For she is troubled with a sore wind-colic, Which to the standers by may less appear, Because her fyesting-Curre is still so near. 32 quam bene notus amor. Should Spruso leave the wearing of his muff, His golden nightcap and his double ruff: Yet, manning still one mistress, makes him noted Whether to love or lust he's more devoted. 33 Castus erat vultu, monstrat quem facta Cynaedum. Know you not Criticus, our cities mule, That haunts the harbours of iniquity? Yet like a Beadle of disordered rule, Lasheth at lust to cloak his villainy: Critic 'tis not your looks (I can assure you) Shall fear the Surgeon that of late did cure you. 34 Trahit sua quemque voluptas. Wat wills you know how much he scorneth it, To be a pickpurse of another's wit: But in a pocket bids you understand, He hath a borrowing, deep, and diving hand. 35 Quid non speramus amantes. Peirce was espoused ere he went a wooing, What should such fools as he belong a doing? His wife (the wiser) thought to save that pain, By getting her a cloak fit for the rain. 36 Faeminae ludificantur viros. Luce had a secret longing to go see Her child at nurse: for that she dreamt 'twas sick, And would by no means pacified be, Till she had seen her youngest little Dick: Full little knows her husband (silly groom) Who by this match ere midnight takes his room. 37 Omnibus hoc vitium. Pru that had patience to have borne with any, And loved plain dealing, (witness all that knows her,) Is now undone by bearing one too many, So that you see plaindealing overthrows her. 38 Senibus voluisse satis. AEsop must yield when Rhodope will ride, And take no knowledge where, nor who's her guide, Yet could the wizard wish her still in sight, Since she at Braynford lodged this other night. 39 Turpe est hoc foenore, lucrum. Lanus hath lived this last vacation Upon his wives bare Charge without all reason Who since she knew at first her occupation Near saw worse take in a Lenten season: Fie Lanus rather shouldst thou her beshrew That would so many burdens undergo. 40 Linguam vis nulla domabit. Muns skill in horses doth so much excel, As no man living breaks them half so well But see, one silly shrew controls his Art: And worse than all those horses, breaks his heart. 41 Roganti dabitur. Marcus stood musing maugre all his might, Where he should go to lodge this other night: At length the Marshal unawares comes on him, And volens nolens thrusts a bed upon him. 42— Ortus nows urbe Britannus. Who braves it now as doth young Hystrio, Walking in Paul's like to some Potentate, Richly replenished from the top toth' toe, As if he were derived from high estate? Alas there's not a man but may descry, His begging trade and bastard faculty. 43 Hoc aliquid nihil. Guido hath gained very goodly suits, That of his labours are the only fruits: I mean no other suits than those he wears, Which how to compass is that Guido fears. 44 Sat saltem sic habeatur. Some say this rabblement of newmade knights, Makes Coaches dear, and chandlers sell their lights: But scarce a Servingman the more is fed, For footboys only bring their Sirs to bed. 45 Sequitur invidia famam. Two Madams once were striving for the wall, Each standing much on terms of worthiness, The one but young (howbeit rich withal) The other ancient, though of substance less Said, soft and fair, till time hath ta'en fruition, Your Ladyship is of the last edition. 46 Sic nunquam cessat quo perdat perdere lusor. Ask Ficus how his luck at Dicing goes, Like to the Tide (saith he) it ebbs and flows: Then I suppose his chance cannot be good, For all men know, 'tis longer ebb than flood. 46 Errantes errare licet. Ponderous spends the day by telling news Of such his travails as will make you muse, Nay Sir believe it, he'll discourse at large. How should he else be fed at others charge. 47 Dant otia iocum. Young master Newcome late of thin's of Court Hath newly laid aside his Littleton And for his pleasure deigns no other sport, Then these unsavored rhymes to seize upon: Which having read he comments on the weather, How jump his law and learning met together. 48 Sequitur vestigia Matris. Maud being moved at fourteen years to marry, Wished (were she tall enough), she need not tarry: I would her Sister but so wise had been That had a Bastard ere she was fifteen. 49 Duibtat mens conscia recti. Vulcanus wisely doth himself persuade, Some of these Epigrams by him were made: But dares not tell you wherein for his life Lest men should play on him, as on his wife, 50 Quem suspicaveris, ipse. Fuco is fled more for his credit sake, Then to be burdened with so base a deed: Would he think you such trifles undertake: Having that kindred and so little need? Damned might he be, that ever meant to do it Had not his whore or something urdgd him to it. 51 Confuetudo est altera natura. Mat in the mood of his distemperature, Swears he must fight to keep his hands in ure. For being weary of his thieving trade: What should he do but exercise his blade? 52 Ingenio pollet cui vim natura negavit. If Nanus had but common gifts of nature, And no arts cunning to his cubit-stature: He never could with Ladies come so near, Nor get his victuals gratis all the year. 53 Non caret effectu quod voluére duo. Constant Renaldo who can but commend thee. That still one mistress in Reversion servest? She could do little, if not least befriend thee, With gleaning licence for so long a harvest: Gleaning said I? nay more, to mow her corn, And catch the Hare, whiles others blow the horn▪ 54 Volucrem sic decipit Auceps. Hydrus the horse-courser (that cunning mate) Doth with the buyers thus Equivocate: Claps on his hand and prays he might not thrive, If that his Gelding be not under five. 55 Perdat qui caveat Emptor. Nor less meant Promus when that vow he made, Then to give over his cozening Tapsters trade: Who checked for short and frothy measure, swore, He never would from thence forth fill pot more. 56 Quod mora tardat abest. See how Silenus walks accomplished, With due performance of his father's Page, Looks back of purpose to be honoured, And on each slight occasion 'gins to rage: You villain, dog, where hath your stay been such, Quoth he, The Broker would not lend so much. 57— Latuit benè qui male vixit. Francisco flies, not daring once come near, Making th'infection to be most his fear: But his Arch-creditor that least believes him, Knows 'tis his debts more than the devil that drives him. 58 Indomitae tandem veniunt ad aratra Inuenca. Lesbian the fair that would be wood of none Hath since been won by many more than one And like a flower (whose colour soon doth fade) With often wearing proves a hackney jade. 59 Probitas laudatur et alget. Say that Caryna keep a vitling house I hope 'tis for no vulgar base or mean resort That only will a Cast of Canns carouse, Or at some game at Cards but idly sport 'tis known her weekly risings and downe-falling, Equals her state with some of higher callings. 60 Sequitur post gaudia luctus. Ay me (quoth Amy) who would ere have thought So great a mischief should arise of nought, Which had she known ere she began to swell: Each yard of pleasure should have proved an ell. 61 Tremuit sub pondere Cymba. Had not Formosa very foul ill luck Who stooping simply but a rose to pluck, Made to the hearers that so loudly known, Which never yet report before had blown? 62 Pulchra Semyramidis facies imitata Sepulchrum. Fine Mistress Foetida perfumes herself With sweetest odours that she can devise, More dear and precious than all worldly pelf, That nought availeth when her beauty dies: But this despair is very death in thinking That one so fair should have a breath so stinking. 63 Post dulcia finis amarus. What grief it was Grace had no better fortune, But that Bridewell must her disgrace importune: And which is worse, if worse it might perplex her; The Beadle comes behind her back to vex her. 64 Par pari reserre decet. calvus (to blame) runs in his Laundress score And will not pay her scarcely once a year: But then his shame is twice so much the more For she hath truly paid him to a hair. 65 Non omnibus Omphida dormit. What reason is it Omphida should yield To any man that's but a stranger to her? Thinks he at first assault to win the field? Tutlet him do his worst that worst can do her, Had there but colour been for such intent, She could allow your weakest argument. 66 Naturan expellere durum. Parcus not sparing cost swears he'll begin, To enter Commons, in some Chancery Inn, And will no longer once a day be fed: Thatstill before went supperless to bed. 67 Coitum, non oscula laudat. When Kester courted Kate but for a kiss, She coily told him that he aimed amiss: Thou mayst believe her (Kester) what she said: For half the parish knows she is no maid. 68 Tunc tua res agitur etc. A jealous Merchant that a Sailor met, asked him the reason why he meant to marry Knowing what ill their absence might beget, That still at sea constrained are to tarry? Sir (quoth the Sailor) make you that so strange, 'tis done the time whiles you but walk the'xchange. 69 Impar aetas, imparesque mores. It could not be (me thinks) imagined That julia should have lost her maidenhead Being so young but that herself first told it, to whom and where she this last lent had sold it. 70 Timidos fortuna repellit. When Miles the servingman my Lady kissed She knew him not (though scarcely could resist So sweet a youth and well appareled) Had not the Dunce himself discovered: For this (quoth he), my master bade me say— Which hearing made her frown and fling away: Why thus it is, when fools must make it known, They come on others business, not their own. 71 Si nihil attuleris, ibis etc. Planus an honest Swain, but monylesse, Besought a lawyer to be good unto him: Who either (gratis) must his cause redress, Or promise what he never meant to do him, Being asked why he careless lingered it, Made this reply, ex nihilo nihil fit. 72 Similis doctrina libello. Croesus' of all things loveth not to buy So many books of such diversity: Your Almanac (says he) yields all the sense, Of times best profit and experience. 73 Frustra, qui sero consulit. Ask not Vincentio now when things are past, Why he so often sported with his Punk, Or wherefore so much hath been spent in waist, (As good you told it to a man that's drunk) Let it suffice he hath consumed it all, And (as you see) walks like the Prodigal. 74 Non patitur res seria iocum. TIB took an oath that Tomisin was no maid, Who angry bad bear record what she said, As good have published it with trumpets blown, As call for witness in a case so known. 76 Semel & semper. Celso but newly wedded doth repent, and means to be divorced incontinent Alas (poor Celso) knewst thou not before, She was, and is and will be still a (—) 77 Mole ruit sua. Questo that acquaint and brisk Italian when first his trade for merchandise began, Would so much undertake more than his own. (I think of purpose to be overthrown,) For when 'twas thought his fullness did abound, Even than he broke for seventy thousand pound. 78 Satis est ditescere fama. Clitus with Clients is well customed, That hath the laws but little studied: No matter Clitus, so they bring thee fees) how ill the Case, and thy advise agrees. 79 Incidit in Syllam cupiens vitare charibdim. Marcellus museth how to spend that day, Wherein it likes him not to see a play: But then he falls into some place (I doubt,) And stays so long till he be fired out. 80 Male parta male dilabuntur. Old Colin's son is newly come to age, And may dispend five hundred marks a year, But wants the wit to hold his heritage, Which hath been ever yet his uncles fear: For that his Father got it by extortion: And therefore ill to be a woodcocks, portion. 81 Quid queat esse diu? signor Fantasmos ne'er such pleasure found In any thing, as in a deep mouthed hound: Small was that pleasure, when upon one day, He lost his hair, and hunted all away. 82 Sors universa rotat. Sam swore an oath that those late Lotteries, were mere deceits, and idle mockeries: For of a hundred, if he two did pluck, The standers-by would say 'twas Cuckold's luck. 83 Olim haec meminisse iwabit. Grunto lies groaning of a grievous gout, And would give thousands to be sound cured: But all the cunning that his coin finds out, Cannot expel his pains so long endured: Oh Grunto thou hast lived so vnrepenting As scarce two hells sufficeth thy tormenting. 84 Ignoti nulla cupido. Castus of all sins makes most conscience, That men should thus with chastity dispense: She that weds him, must have his maidenhead, At least may chance to bring a fool to bed. 85 Sero sapiunt Phryges'. Festus who feasted long on delicates, Now such fantastic fulsome diet hates: Is it not reason he should spare at last, That hath consumed more than all in waste? 86 Labour improbus omnia vincit. Now yea and nay quoth mistress Temperance You are to blame to be so vainly given, Cannot your eyes upon a woman glance, But they must covet? sooth you should be shriven: Fie that you'll swear so rashly by your troth, Think you I'll do't were't not to save your oath? 87 Fovent periuria furtum. Piso hath stolen a silver boul in jest, For which (suspected only) not confessed: Rather than Piso will restore the boull, Boldly adventureth to damn his soul. 88 Ne Suitor ultra Crepidam. Philippus flouteth at such ragged rhymes, That much distasting, tax not these his times: Indeed I judge him much more better seen, In other trades that he hath trained been. 89 Aliud simulat aliud agit. Young Mistress joice her husband doth solicit, To hire a garden-house near to the fields: Which with her gossip she might weekly visit, (For something must she have that comfort yields) I fear this Bower for common recreation, Will prove a place of private occupation. 90 Similes habent labra lactucas. Dick Swash (or Swaggering Dick) through Fleetstreet reels With Sis & Beatrice waiting at his heels, To one that would have ta'en the wall, he swore, zounds dost not see my punk and Paramout? 91 Cito parata Venus. Let Mistress Su be stirring ne'er so soon she'll not be ready until afternoon, Nor scarcely then: for why this summer season, The least Thing makes her sweat beyond all reason. 92 Maxima Tobacchi, maior vis nulla veneni. Cuthbert our Cobbler can no more forbear, To take Tobacco, then to live unknown: He drinks all whiffs at least, and learns to swear By Heavens: his oaths and humours are his own. But adding hereunto a pot or more, He stands to nothing which he spoke before. 93 Enecat amplexu nimio sic Simia foetum. Call Davus knave, he strait way draws his sword, And makes you prove as much or eat your word, But if you call him honest Rogue or jew, He hugs you then for giving him his dew. 94 Mala crescunt deteriora. Soto is lately gone to Sturbridge fair, Whose little take makes him half despair: 'twere good some friend of his would tell the Mome His wife hath had take enough at home. 95 Vwlle placere sat est. Mistress Parnella holds it requisite To keep more maids at home then need requires Aswell to please her husband's appetite, As for a broad she like exchange desires. Thus do they absent best content each other: That else should be but Bawds to one another. 96 Vilescit dives avarus. Rusus is wondrous rich, but what of that? He lives obscurely like a water-Rat: And his apparel, which he seldom buys, Are such as Houns-dich and Long-lane supplies. 97 Nocet empta dolore voluptas. Cicely and Kate are gone to frolic it, Late in the evening with their Tom and Kit, What luck had they to buy their sport so dear, That in the morning must have whipping cheer. 98 AEger, cui chara libertas. Briseo that gallant youngster keeps his bed, As feigning to be sick, but wot you why? Not of an ague, nor an aching head, No burning fever, or French malady: Tush, none of these can half so much molest him, As yonder flatcap fool that would arrest him. 99 Quae placuit Domino nupta est Ancilla sodali. Madam Rugosa knows not where to find, One chambermaid often to please her mind: But yet my Lord so likes their comely car'adge, As he prefers them to his men in mar'adge. 100 quam sumus ergo pares. Damon his Dick had not these three years seen, But rather thinks he hath concealed been: Was it not strange that they so jump should meet, Both at a bawdy house in Turnbull street? 101 Non est iocosapudica. Mistress Finetta, for her ready wit, Is much admired and beloved of many: But this one fault of hers confoundeth it, She will deride, and jesting scoff at any. Which by an ill accustomed use comes on her, Yet there is one that plays as much upon her. 102 Divitijs durant firmae pereuntibus Artes. Silus hath sold his Crimson satin suit, And needs would learn to play upon the Lute, 'tis well done (Silus) for such suits soon waste, Whereas thy skill in Lutes will ever last: 103 Asperius nihil est humili cum surgat in altum. The world is well amended with Sir Hugh, Since from the time he was a Shepherd swain, And little dreamt then (I may tell you) He should be made one of the knightly train: But (for his substance answers not his will) As good have dreamt, or been a Shepherd still. 104 Multorum vulnera vincunt. Much moves not Mal: but let the quean be moved, he'll swear she's hot that hath her next approved. 105 Frustra sapit qui sibi non sapit. Zant hus that wise and cunning Sophister, Lies now in Limbo for a small offence: Who when he came before the officer, Had not one word of wit to free him thence: Why thus it fares, when he should best dispute, The Devil or some ill planet strikes him mute. 106 Aurum volat ocyus Eur●. monsieur Flemingo, fraught with Angel's store, Would see fair London, never seen before: Where (lodging with his mistress but one night,) Had (ere he parted) put them all to flight. 107 Humilis prostrata quadrante. Fine Mistress Delia defies the man, That proffers less to her then golden fees: What think you her some common Courtesan, That will her credit or her custom lose? In faith sir no: But ere you shall go hence, She will for once accept of eighteen pence. 108 Ingentes vastant coniugia gazas. Musco, that always kept with policy, What he had scraped since his infancy: Scarce one year wedded (for he needs would marry) Hath taken Ludgate to his Sanctuary. 109 Cucullus non facit Monachum. Silvanus is become so pure and holy As he accounts all mirth but idle folly, Ask him wherefore, he gives you ghostly reason, But then his whore comes never out of season. 110 O infelicaes quos fata sequntur iniqua. Pontus is posting hitherwards apace, To dine with divers that in Fleetstreet meets him. But see the luckless chance of such a case, Assoon as he alights the Sergeant greets him, So that the burden he should have de afraid, Was wholly now upon his Hostess laid. 111 Vsus promptos facit. This makes Menalcas muse above the rest, To see how qnaint my Lady is addressed: For from the girdle upwards (durst he swear,) She doth the shape of very man appear. 112 Musae spernuntur egenae. Faunus for feats of fencing bears the Bell. For skill in music on each instrument, For dancing, carving, and discoursing well With other sundry gifts more excellent▪ But striving still to make his credit stronger, The Tailor will not trust him any longer. 113 Sic transit gloria mundi. I Pray Sir, did you note on Sunday last, How richly Rubin was appareled? Well may he be compared to a blast, or liked to one that's metamorphosed. For the next morning ere the day did dawn, All that he wore, and more, was laid to pawn. 114 Nocte latent mendae. What meaneth Rosamond to walk so late, When no man can discern her face or feature: (But by her habit may prejudicate, She is some fair, or rather famous Creature:) Oh good Sir understand thatin the dark, One man of twenty may mistake the mark. 115 Crede quod habes & habes. Lorellos wife is lately brought to bed, (as luck would have it, of a goodly boy, The hopeful issue of her maiden head, And only jewel of the father's joy: Then who would doubt the time or once but note it When 'tis as like him as himself had got it 118 Crescit amor precio. How like you Darkis in her deepest Ruff? Seems she not now as proper as the best? You think you may command her, marry muff? She scorns the motion, fough, that were a jest: Because she sold her wares so cheap of late, Must they be always prized at one rate? 119 Fronti nulla fides. Gallus that greatest Roost-cock in the rout, Swells now as big as Bacchus did with Wine: Like to a Hulk, he bears himself about, And bristles as a Boar or Porpentine. 'tis not his locks that makes him look so big, For all men knows he wears a periwig. 120 Fortuna multis nimium dedit. Now fie upon thee Coward Nemius, That oft hast pulled thy Lady's slippers on: Yet still wert bashful, not so venturous As once so much her leg to look upon. Were I thy father and thou heir to me, I should for certain disinherit thee. 121 Degeneres animos timor arguit. monsieur Montanus is no little man, Of unapprooved valour to his foe: Persuade, or woo him with what words you can, he'll be revenged all the world must know. But when he found one with his wife in bed, For fear or shame he durst not show his head. 122 Cri●●ibus coelare studet sua crimina Maechus. When Cacus was accused of a rape, For stealing secretly to his maid's bed: He hardly could the doom of law escape, Had he not thus the matter coloured, That took his oath (nor did he swear amiss,) He went not into her bed, for 'twas his. 123 Redit orbis in orbem. Young Codrus Landlord to his father's rents, Which happy time (long looked for) did expire, Addresseth him with those habiliments, As lest beseems the son of such a Sire. And thus he gallants it some year and more, Until his Tenants thrust him out of door. 124 Male parta peribunt. Brutus, that brave and complete Cavalier, Who thus of late in Fleetstreet flourished: Thought then no pleasure or expense too dear: But see how soon the case is altered: As that constrained to forsake the street, He now betakes himself unto the Fleet. 125 Noctes atque dies patet atri janua Ditis. The times are waxen dead with Dalila, Who since the Term hath felt but little stirring, Then was she soughtto more than Helena, When Gallants galloped with their Coaches hurrying: But now she speaks with all that please to call, Lo thus her trade doth Termely rise and fall. 126 Sine fuco pulchra venustas. Mistress Morinda is more coy than wise, But fair she is, and that most richly fair: Her husband bears it out (let that suffice) And all defects is able to repair. But yet I wonder they should so excel, That have been bankrupt, all the world can tell. 127 Negat ofcula gratarogata. Priscilla proves most dainty of a kiss, When she entreated, wooed, and courted is: Lord how she simpering sits, and minceth it! In very deed Sir, she'll not eat a bit. As full of manners as of modesty, True, if her virtue be hypocrisy. 128 Prodit se lumine Luscus. Luscus that once lay with his Mistress maid, And (fearing much to have the matter known) Went to his fellow, whom he friendly prayed, To counsel him as were the case his own: He that (more cunning) knew what should be done, took this advantage for his better speed, To finish that which th'other had begun: But then alas she proved with child indeed: And made the Woodcock (who did first bewray it) Stand to the reckoning, that could better pay it. 129 Se fugit Adulter a custam. Nisa, who from her window glanced her eyes, Saw Mopsus come, as fast as foot could troth: For joy whereof, upon her bed she lies, As who should think, she slept and saw him not. 'twas very strange, unless she meant herein, Her eyes should not be open to her sin. 130 Ostendit hadera vinum. A scoffing mate, passing along Cheapside, Incontinent a gallant Lass espied: Whose tempting breasts (as to the sale laid out,) Incites this youngster thus to gin to flout, Lady (quoth he) is this flesh to be sold? No Lord (quoth she) for silver nor for gold, But wherefore ask you? (and there made a stop) To buy (quoth he) if not, shut up your shop. 131 Caelum non animum mutat, quae trans mare curr●, Nay fie how strange you make it mistress jane, Will you not know your quondam tried friends? Remember since you lodged in Cart-her lane Shall former kindness merit no amends? I say no more: well may you change your name: But once a whore, you should be still the same. 114 Spernit gens rustica Musas. What tell you me of Porcus Peasant Groom, That scrapeth up together so much thrift, Which he obscures within some desert room, And basely lives unknown by any shift. His looks are Characters of his descent, Sprung from the loins of some mechanic Sire, That never knew what civil usagement, But to be only rich doth still aspire: Spur such a one in aught but in his trade, And you shall see how soon he'll prove a jade. 115 Nemo omni parts Beatus. 'tis plainly known that our young knight Sir Adam. had his beginning from an ancient name. Who (though not rich) may make his wife a Madam that brings her dowry to maintain the same. Say that the Herald cannot blaze him forth: Must knightship therefore be of no more worth? 134 Pari jugo dulcis tractus. When Caecus had been wedded now three days, And all his neighbours bad, God give him joy. This strange conclusion with his wife assays, Why till her marriage dâye she proved so coy: (Quoth he) we man and wife in manner were, a month before: then could we have repent? Alas (quoth she) had I not cause to fear, How you might construe it, had I consented? Fore God (quoth lie) 'twas well thou didst not yield. For doubtless than my purpose was to leave thee. Oh Sir (quoth she) I once was so beguiled, And thought the next man should not so deceive me Now out alas (quoth he) thou breed'st my woe: Why man (quoth she) I speak but quid pro que, 135 I ndor est sua damna refer. Peter hath lost his purse but will conceal it, Lest she that stole it, to his shame-reveale it. 139 Quos ego? sed motos praestat etc. Flaccus gives out (because the world shall know it) How bitter shortly he intends to write Threatening therein to firk his fellow Poet, 'Gainst whom he beareth such revenging spite: But soft (quoth Flaccus) should I say he's poor? Oh no: lest others talk as much of me, Or shall I tell him that he loves a whore? Tush therein likewise we both jump agree. Faith, Flaccus doubtless will his spleen recall: As good be friends and never write at all. 140 Dives quis stultus habetur? 'tis true that Simon (simple though you think him) Knows how to execute his father's trade, Which (no dispraise) may with that substance link him, As quickly shall amend what nature made, Do not your most fools thrive exceeding well, That have but wit enough to buy and sell? 138 Cupit meretrix pudibunda videri. Who brutes it, Mistress Parnell is no maid, and will not answer such discourtesy: She scorns the very worst that can be said, And stands so much on her virginity. As flatly to their teeth she doth retort it, Presuming none so vile that will report it. 139 Impar Impares odit. Sotus hates wisemen, for himself is none: And fools he hates because himself is one. 140 De●●rare est periurare. Dacus hath damned himself on due regard, From Taverns, plays, Tobacco, and from wine, Swearing he'll live like john of Paul's church yaard, At least will sometimes with Duke Humfrye dine. 'twere well done (Dacus) hadst thou power to do it. But Dice and Drabs (I fear) will hold thee to it. 141 Frustra times qui sperat nihil. Tush hang it: have at all (says Curio) Comes not deuze ace, assoon as six & three? Who would not rather half his lands forego, Then be out dared by such a one as he. Damn me I'll venture all upon a cast, Wert not as good turn Rogue at first as last. 142 Poculo iunguntur Amici. A health (saith Lucas) to his loves bright eye, Which not to pledge, were much indignity. You cannot do him greater courtesy, Then to be drunk and damned for company. 143 Clero struit impia frauds, When Rose had reckoned her full time at large, She then bethinketh whom to nominate, That might partake with her ensuing charge, At length with wisdom more considerate, She guesseth none 'mongst all the rest so fit, As is the parish priest to father it. 143 Sapiat, qui Dives, oportes. 'tis known how well I live, says Romeo, And whom I list I'll love, or will despise: Indeed it's reason good it should be so, For they that wealthy are, musts needs be wise: But truly to describe and set thee forth, Thou ow'st thy belly more than thou art worth. 144 Natura paucis contenta. Mecus is now become a frugal Sire, That spends no more than nature doth require: And yet his wife will prove a traveler, Although but once a year he lie with her. 145 Nil gratum, ratione carens. Paulus a Pamphlet doth in prose present, Unto his Lord (The fruits of idle time:) Who far more careless, then therewith content Wished it were converted into rhyme, Which done and brought him at an other season, Said, now'tis rhyme, before nor rhyme nor reason. 146 Haesitat in dubijs ars stupefacta malis. Vrbanus that committed an offence With a young country lass (poor silly fool) To salve his credit, soon conveys her hence, Unto a Garden-house, or vaulting-schoole. Where now (unloaden of that luckless ill,) And all dispatched (save the household charge:) The goodman-Bawd, or Pander, (which you will) Brings him no Ticket but a bill at large. Item for Pipkins pap & other things, Amounting all to twenty mark or more: And this aloud into his ears he rings, pay Sir (quoth he) for shame discharge your score, Vrbanus loath to be proclaimed a gull, Was willing to compound in any wise: But yet not tendering his demand at full, Said he had seen the Lions once or twice. The Lions (answers he,? that may be true, But think you thence to meritany praise? Each Lobcock may those lions daily view, Have you not seen the Dragons in your days? No (quoth Vrbanus) that I must confess, Then (said the Pander) you must pay no less. 147 Meretrix inimica quieti- Philo is wondrous jealous of his wife, And urgeth terms of shrewd suspicion: But knows not him the cause of this his strife, Yet will he yield to no condition. For more he vexed is that knows it not, Then if you horn him to his face God wot. 148 Vinitur ex rapto etc. Lieutenant Lentulus lives discontent, And much repineth at the want of wars: For when his credit, coin, and all is spent, What should he do, but idly curse the stars? Content thee Lentulus with thine estate, That wert not idle when thou sto'lst the plate. 149 Turpe se●ilis amor. Old doting Claudus doth in haste desire, With beauteous young Penelope to wed, Whose frozen appetite is set on fire, Until the match be thoroughly finished. Indeed as good dispatch, as make delay, That must be horned on his wedding day. 150 Laesus amor in surorem vertitur. Where hath Sir john so long been resident, Leaving his pensive Lady all amort? Who will not say (woe worth the time misspent) For grief where of she hath no list to sport. But leave her not again in such a plight, Lest (out of mind) she prove more out of sight, 151 Nullus ad amissas ibit amicus opes. Herd you not yet of Captain Ferdinand, That was so wont to swagger and carouse? He lodgeth now no longer in the Strand, But is removed thence to such a house: Where all his best acquaintance that he knows, Will not redeem th'one half of what he owes, 152 Ingenium natura dedit queis non dedit uti. Nay see if Momus yet can cease to flout, How should he choose? his mere conceits are such: 'tis good sir: I'll not say you are a lout, But may not one presume to think as much? I fear when we have both done all we can, The best will scarce prove good Grammarian. 153 Patria est ubicunque. Brave minded Medon can no more endure, To live in England then to brook the lie: Tut your temptations cannot him allure, He scorns them as an idle mockery- Urge him no more, I tell you 'twill but grieve him. For here his means no longer may relieve him. 154 Hoc tibi sort datum. Nay (good Sir) give us leave at least to know you, Was not your father once a man of trade? You now are rich: I know, who may. beshrew you, That for your sake, were younger brothers made, Hark in your ear, 'tis not the wealth you have, Can shield you from the scandal of a— 155 Alea nil moderabile suadet. When Milo means to spare, then spends he most: Let him but come where sport or gaming is, His humour cannot hold till all be lost, And never thinketh he hath done amiss. For thus resolved, Milo cares not whether He pay th'one half, or lie for all together. 156 Velle placere sat est. Fie, would you offer Winifrid that wrong, Thus to attempt her Virgin chastity? Well wotteth she, you cannot love her long, And (which is worse) the world may it espy. Which is the thing that makes us look into it Or else (you know) how easy 'twere to do it: 157 Et genus et pr●auos iactant ignobile vulgus, Sir, can you tell where young Ponderous lives, That was surnamed here the Prodigal? He that so much for his silk-stockings gives, Till nought is left him to buy boots withal. Oh blame him not to make what show he can: How should he else be thought a Gentleman. 158 Auro cedit honos. Bindo hath lost his Bess● 〈◊〉 ●nowes not where, And (frantic) seeks her all the street throughout: Take courage Bindo, and be of good cheer, Tomorrow shalt thou find her, there's no doubt. Tomorrow came: deserved she to be shent, That brought him home enough to pay his rent? 159 Magni constabit parlla voluptas. Hand off sir Saucebox, she's no meat for Grooms Or common wights of base-born parentage Alas, your lean expense fits Alehouse rooms, That with Maid-Malkin holdeth equipage, Because Sir Tristram late entreated me, You therefore think to do as much as he. 160 Sapiunt quaecunque probantur. ●e make our Epigrams, as men taste Cheese, ●hich hath his relish in the last farewell: 〈◊〉 as the purest liquor hath his leeze, 〈◊〉 may you harshly end the tale you tell, The Tail (of all things) some men aim at most, Those that had rather fast, may kiss the post And there's an end. THus have I waded through a worthless task, Whereto (I trust) there's no exceptions ta'en: For (meant to none) I answer such as ask, 'tis like apparel made in Birchin Lane: If any please to suit themselves and wear it, The blame's not mine but theirs that needs will bear Abijcis ista ferus? moritur mea Musa dolendo: Accipis ista libens? Illa quod optat habet.