THE mastiff, OR Young-Whelpe of the Olde-Dogge.  
Epigrams and Satyrs.  Horat: 
— Verba decent iratum plena minarum.  Mondeo Mordentem  a mastiff dog with a banner in its mouth 
LONDON, Printed by The: Creed, for Richard Meighen, and Thomas jones, and are to be sold at S. Clement's Church, without Temple row▪ 〈◊〉   

TO THE UNIVERSAL READER.  
GEntle, or if Churlish howsoever it's no great matter, (though I persuade myself there are not many amongst you can be so dogged as will but offer to bite at me, especially if ye knew how loath I would be known to become your Debtors, above all others.) But to the purpose; I promised not long since, to busy myself no more with these bastard kind of commodities, marry 'twas with a Proviso, unless I otherwise were urged by such, as finding themselves perhaps aggrieved, that I last forgot them, will now perforce incite me thereunto, for more assured manifestation of my remembrance: Whom but to point at in particular, were to lay open their imperfections, whose viler parts (for old acquaintance) I rather may be thought to take pity of: (and yet could I wish to have your Clerk distinguished from your Sexton, by more than wearing a pen in his ear) Sed praestat tacere, suadeas. For any other more barbarous or fowle-mouthed Mongrels, that have been louder barking than the rest: I'll not defile my hands by giving such the least of chastisement, but leave them peremptorily to the lashing Doggewhipper for those Curs provided.  
But now, may some guilty-conceited- Cooks-combe take himself wilfully by the bottlenose, saying: I aim at him particularly; and so have colour for what I do.  
If any such will needs so gald-backt prove, as cannot choose but kick and wince without rubbing, or but at the sound of a Currycomb only, let them (by my consent) be saddled for jades, without dressing, & get the Scratches, till the Farrier give them over. In brief, I would be thought as guiltless of blaming, as I was careless of the lines composing: Which if they please; why so: if otherwise, I will not warrant them to be better worth: and so Farewell.  
H. P.   

Author pro seipso.  
Look nought for here of Writers commendation:  
I'll not be thought one of their Favour-winners:  
Which would to Lameness seem but supportation,  
Or as an Offering made for Young-Beginners.  
Who knows not, taverns painted Posts, and Signs,  
Are but th' attractives to deceitful wines?   

Ad Bibliopolam.  

PRinter or Stationer, or what ere thou prove,  
Shalt me record to Time's posterity:  
I'll not enjoin thee, but request in love,  
Thou so much deign my Book to dignify;  
As first it be not with your Ballads mixed,  
Next, not at Playhouses, 'mongst Pippins sold:  
Then that on Pasts, by th' Ears it stand not fixed,  
For every dull-Mechanicke to behold.  
Last, that it come not brought in peddlers packs,  
To common Fairs, of Country, Town, or City:  
Sold at a Booth 'mongst pings and Almanacs;  
Yet on thy hands to lie, thou'lt ' say tw'er pity;   

Let it be rather for Tobacco rend,  
Or Butchers-wives, next Cleansing-week in Lent.    

❧ EPIGRAMS.  

A CULINA AD CURIAM.  
LIXA, that long a servile Groom hath been,  
Will now no more the man be known or seen▪  
And reason good, he hath that place resigned,  
Witness his Cloak throughout with velvet lined:  
Which by a Paradox comes thus to pass,  
The greasy Gull is turned a gallant Ass.   

Fiant, quae fata volunt.  
Ask swaggering Saltus, Why he bears such sway?  
He'll answer thus; Things must be as they may.  
Ask, How he comes so drunken day by day?  
Again says he, Things must be as they may.  
Ask him the reason, Why no debts he'll pay?  
The same replies, Things must be as they may.  
Ask, Why so seldom he desires to pray?  
Still he concludes, Things must be as they may.  
Thus see you Saltus nothing else will say;  
Should he be damned, It must be as it may.   

Tempus edax rerum.  
HEywood was held for Epigrams the best,  
What time old Churchyard dealt in verse and prose  
But fashions since are grown out of request,  
As Bombast-Dublets, Bases, and Round-hose.  
Or as your Lady, may it now be said,  
That looks less lovely than her Chambermaid.   

Foemina; Quid non?  
WHat dares Gallantus for his Wench not do?  
Though it concern the hazard of his neck:  
Ask what she will, or have a mind unto,  
He straight procures, and brings her at a beck.  
Bid him go rob a goldsmiths shop for Plate,  
Stab him that calls her by the name of Punk;  
Beat Constables, or Watch for walking late,  
Undo a Bawd, or make a Pander drunk:  
In brief what is't, that may to pleasure woo,  
But brave Gallantus for his wench durst do.   

Levi, leviora.  
MAdam Fenestra, fearful of her Diet,  
Feeds by no means on flesh that's tough or old:  
Which brings her queasy stomach out of quiet,  
And therefore picks on purest can be sold;  
Of least-growne Lamb, and tenderest Beef that's big,  
The whitest Cow-calf, and the youngst Sow-pigge.   

To john of Paul's Churchyard.  
TO thee (Brave john) my book I dedicate,  
That wilt from Ajax, with thy force defend it:  
And countercheck each Coxcombs spleen and hate,  
That not good language, or good looks shall lend it.  
Thou placed art as Sentinel, to quail  
Those secret Foes, our dangers shall pretend:  
Making their Topsails, Flags, and Bonnets vail,  
Like to the Blockhouse over-gainst Graves-ende.  
And to conclude, maugre their worst of spite,  
Durst bid the proudest of them all go—   

Subitò responsio levi.  
A Doctor being asked what means he knew,  
Were such as best to opening Physic drew:  
He not to seek, for sudden answer says,  
there's nothing better than a Bunch of keys.   

Animosus, pediculosus.  
MATHO from Sea hath such a purchase brought,  
As is not frequent, or of each man sought:  
Which to divulgate, Matho proves not nice,  
Nothing, God damn him, but Outlandish Lice.   

Detur quod meritum.  
SOTUS must now prove Checquer Clarke at least,  
That thereto hath been trained twelve years & more:  
Nay, in good sadness, he's much more increased,  
Considering what he hath been heretofore:  
Why may not Sotus then in case so clear,  
Boldly demand his calves head every year?   

Secreta nostra nobis.  
TASSUS from Temple Stairs by water goes  
To Westminster, and back to Temple rows:  
Belike he loves not troth too much the street,  
Or surbait on the stones his tender feet:  
Tut come, there's something in't must not be known:  
But Sir, believe't, The debt is not his own.   

Tua logice nostra.  
LUCAS on's Lady lays a foul objection,  
Saying she weareth not her own complexion.  
But then her Ladyship may say he lieth,  
Is't not her own I pray you which she buyeth?   

Vsus promptos facit.  
RACHEL at first would rail upon her man,  
That scarce knew how to bear himself before her:  
Nor almost which way look or hold her Fan,  
But now (thanks Fortune) finely can come o'er her.   

Si nihil attuleris ibis, etc.  
WAT told his wife how much he late had strayed,  
Yet feign would notwithstanding pardoned be:  
To whom she ragingly replied and said,  
Thinkest with not standing (Slave) to answer me?  
Hath then your Pinnace in those Ports been landing,  
And now puts in provisoes, notwithstanding?   

Indomitis ferendum.  
MArtinus overmuch commends his mare  
To be the best man ere laid leg upon▪  
Were't not for one defect (a fault that's rare)  
she's only subject to oblivion:  
That stumbling headlong in her course amain,  
So soon forgets, as down she falls again.   

Tempora promoribus.  
Pluck off your Bonnet, you Sir in the feather,  
And learn to know when Officers pass by:  
Think you all men hail fellows met together?  
You would be taught to be more mannerly.  
Tut, say you knew him near so well before,  
Will that be now excuse sufficient?  
Or say his pleasure be to keep a whore,  
Dare you presume he lives incontinent?   

Non nosti Summis vitium prevalet?  
Et omne maius minus continet?   

Domi, & foras Idem.  
civis at Court being lately bid to dinner,  
Had thought to make his stomach lost a winner:  
But sitting down when each had ta'en his place,  
The meat was gone ere Civis could say Grace.  
Whereat quoth he, a man may boldly say,  
From hence the rich are empty sent away.   

Plus Canis ictus amat.  
CReta that closely could her secrets cover,  
Feigned to be jealous of her loathed Spouse;  
Which he believed (God wots) & more did love her,  
Presuming, London not her like allows.  
Well, go thy ways (thought I) hold on thy trade,  
thou'rt even the truest he whom God near made.   

Rosa omnibus olet.  
ROSE is a fair, but not a proper woman:  
Can any creature proper be, that's common?   

Caelat sua crimina Sanctis.  
CURTA hath now no colour or evasion,  
To meet or frolic as time late permitted,  
Because her husband bars up all occasion,  
That for such pleasures and advantage fitted:  
Keeps her from going to her child at nurse,  
Denies access unto her Garden-house:  
For which she gives him many a bitter curse,  
And swears, she not esteems his threats a Louse.  
The best escape her cunning can devise,  
Is once a week to Blackfriars exercise.   

Curanda primum praesentia.  
LETTUCE that late was so resolved to marry,  
On more advice will now this twelvemonth tarry:  
How should she sooner else indeed dispose  
Of the young Bastard wherewithal she goes.   

Latot Anguis in herba.  
WHen Capering- Cosmo comes from dancing School,  
He first commands the Maid pluck off his Hose:  
Next bids her bring a Cushion and a stool,  
On which (she kneeling) rubs his feet and toes.  
That done, he calls for's nightcap and his gown,  
Fearing the cold might catch him unaware;  
Nor more will walk forth (says) that day in town,  
Whence you may guess, he hath no Coin to spare.  
But that's not it, Cosmo to bed is gone,  
Causing his shirt be washed that hath but one.   

Manus manum fricat.  
BAlbus his Tenants will no more pay rend,  
Till for their wives he first give them content:  
Is't reason Balbus without Coin disbursing,  
Get them with child, and near allow for Nursing?   

Grauè Condimentum, etc.  
TWo Gossips lately in contention grew,  
Which of the twain lived greatest in esteem:  
And less the substance of the other knew,  
Whereby her credit might the better seem.  
Quoth one of them, 'tis known my charge is such,  
In vinegar and mustard every year:  
Indeed quoth th'other I supposed as much,  
What a devowring saucy Drab you were;  
But (which is worse) I hear your Neighbours talk,  
The score runs yet with Chandler's on the chalk.   

Belluinus quotidianus.  
DAcus approves, and stoutly stands upon it,  
there's not a man in Middlesex out drinks him:  
And thereto dares he lay all's substance on it▪  
He breathes not mortal, one to one that sinks him.  
For Sir believe't, there's no day comes about,  
But Dacus drinks himself a Hogshead out.   

¶ Vtcunque, si des mutuo.  
WHen Dick wants money, he desires to borrow,  
No more than (dam him) he'll repay to morrow.   

Doceat experientia.  
KAte still complains her Mother doth her wrong,  
Causing her keep her maidenhead so long:  
For judge (quoth she) yourself, if at my stature  
You felt not then the fame instinct of nature!   

Non propria, quae Maribus.  
SAy Bess (quoth Brutus) if thou love me, so;  
If not, why so: tush Brutus, thus much know:  
Since she to love in Common first began,  
She loved not thee: thou art no Common man.   

Non omnibus idem.  
YOung Lalus deals on light commodities,  
Of choicest Girls he safely can bring forth:  
But yet respectless proves to people's eyes,  
As if he were some great man's son of worth.  
Consorts with Gallants, stands on's reputation,  
Eats of the best and daintiest can be sold:  
Scorns to be ranked with men of occupation,  
That are not Gentiles like himself enrolled.  
Ask how he lives; he tells the vulgar sort,  
By play, by knowledge, travel and commerce,  
Of which he makes a sad and long report,  
Which they think simply, without more rehearse:  
But to the wise and worthy understander,  
He prostrate proves your private sports-Commander.   

Omnia tempus habent.  
HOw comes it Doll lives so demure of late,  
That whilom used to frolic with her friends?  
Oh, she hath changed it seems her former state,  
And to be civil for awhile intends:  
Would any mad Wench presently on marriage,  
Prove herself packhorse for each common carriage?   

Irati, Implacabiles.  
DIcke with his Dogs in such an outrage grew,  
As which was next him he to hanging drew:  
Who looking fearful, feign would backwards gather▪  
Nay, up thou goest (quoth Dick) and thou'rt my Father.   

Tempus edaxrerum.  
FLaminio wears an everlasting Suit,  
That would (saith he) all Fashions yet confute:  
Were't not so greasy, and so stained with Wine,  
Which he hath dropped upon since ninety nine.   

In cauda venenum.  
THat Finch the Goldsmith hath a fair young wife,  
It needs no doubt; there's none but might her love:  
Then were't not shame and pity of her life,  
If from a Goldfinch she a Wagtail prove?   

Nemo omnibus horis sapit.  
CVcullus, careful of his reputation,  
Chose evermore your privat'st sporting house:  
Which lest might bring his name in defamation,  
Or to succeeding times prove dangerous:  
But see how well he could occasions quench,  
And yet be taken with a Begger-wench.   

Multi videntur & non sunt.  
CAll Clinias Coward, he outrageous then;  
Dares to adventure life with any man.  
Provided he be not's superior,  
His underling or base inferior,  
Nor yet his fellow: for saith Clinias,  
Should any of these evils come to pass,  
'tis ten to one the quarrel never ends;  
If I kill him, he'll kill me by his friends.  
Or if my Vassal; conquest is not much,  
Anoble mind disdains to fight with such:  
And if my fellow; Wisdom tells too late,  
True fellowship consists in Love, not hate:  
Bring Clinias one that is not of these three,  
And then to fight there's none so bold as he.   

Frustravocaveris Heri.  
DIcke had but two words to maintain him ever,  
And that was Stand, and after Stand, Deliver;  
But Dick's in Newgate, and he fears shall never,  
Be blest again, with that sweet word Deliver.   

Post gaudia luctus.  
THree Tradesmen & their wives went all to Dover,  
To see the Monuments of julius Caesar:  
From whence to Paris would they next post over,  
And not dissuaded be by King nor Keysar:  
But spent two hundred pounds on idle motions,  
That now in Ludgate live by men's devotions.   

Rumpit suo pondere pordus.  
IAne from the justice cannot be acquitted,  
Whose Son hath deeply upon her committed.   

Filius ex pulvere Patris.  
MIlo grew sick because his Dad left giving,  
In which consumption he had died outright,  
Had not his death at last put him in living,  
By which good fortune he is dubbed a Knight.  
Unhappy Son, to draw that vital breath,  
Who like a Pelican liv'st by his death.   

In Zoylum.  
Zoilus, I hear you take my Rhymes in snuff,  
Cry fie, t'ls Ribaldry, or some such stuff:  
But Zoilus know, I scorn to deal with you;  
He writes foul stuff that treats of your base crew.   

Vera filia Patris.  
WHy strives young Gallatèa, for the wall?  
If needs you'll know the cause (qd. one) you shall:  
Her Father was a Maeson, and they say,  
It makes her Ladyship lean much that way.   

Cupiens culpare, nescit.  
DOrus disdains these Epigrams I make,  
Saying they savour not of aught that's in them:  
Nay, which is more than that, he'll undertake  
They are but stinking stuff ere you begin them:  
And yet before (quoth he) they favoured not:  
See how the buzzard talks he knows not what!   

Malium optanti gratum.  
A Wanton Dame that of her Spouse repent,  
(Because he would her now and then displease,)  
Was told by one (which made her much contented)  
That he was hanged or drowned beyond the Seas:  
Who dreading nought, asked what might worse ensue,  
For this she thought was too good to be true.   

Virescit curua Senectus.  
CLaudus with age and sickness long declining,  
That had a Lecher been in time of yore:  
Spying a Lass pass by him; spoke thus whining,  
To one that led him, There's a lusty Whore.   

Commune diversorium Meritrix.  
IF Phoedra were but half so chaste as fair,  
So kind as coye, and but so wise as witty:  
She would the ruins of her House repair,  
That rend and torn, lie prostrate near the City.  
Where all that travel, and are come from far,  
May freely enter without bolt or bar.   

Saltim videri cupit.  
signor Fantasmo that Capricious youth,  
Posting to London, lights upon these Rhymes:  
And tells the Stationer for simple truth,  
They are but froth and excrements of times.  
Who for his purpose no such Pamphet needed;  
And (but an Ass) had long ere now proceeded.   

Frustràlaves Aethiopum.  
Pontus' that poor and quondam scurvy Scribe,  
Raised from the rust of rude rascallity:  
Now proling proves the proudest of his Tribe,  
Yet still a Cullion will he live and die.   

Ex ovibus opes.  
THat Notus should so nearly live 'twas strange,  
Who died the richest Merchant used the Exchange:  
Yet on the matter was no Merchant neither,  
His substance came by Sheepskins altogether.   

Domina dominatur Ancillae.  
MAud with incessant terms reviles her maid,  
Hast not been warned (qd. she) of this before?  
How oft have I this gear upon thee laid,  
Say; Canst deny't? Art not an errand whore?  
Yes (qd. the Maid) forsooth it's partly true,  
Else should I be more honest thought than you.   

Admoniti foelices.  
MAtura weary of the Country life,  
Complains her Husband near to London brought her:  
That hath this twelvemonth proved his honest wife,  
And not consented scarce to one that sought her.  
But bids him roundly herewith look unto it,  
Be he a Tinker next that comes shall do it.   

Causidici non semper beati.  
LEntus the Lawyer prays the Term were ended,  
That hath not for this fortnight got one Fee:  
Nor ought effected as his hopes intended,  
And yet in Commons must for custom be:  
But if his take still prove such as these,  
Let them (qd. Lentus) pack to Hell that please.   

Stant quae probatae.  
GOrgonius surfeit may with cordial food,  
Able, revive him, and restore his blood:  
But all's in vain, no Physics Art will do it,  
His wife 'fore any Doctor dares stand to it.   

Funis multorum Finis.  
LAnista many sons adopted had,  
Whom still he used to title as his own:  
And they as duly likewise called▪ him Dad,  
But were on sudden all dispersed unknown.  
Till when Lanista walking Holborn, spied,  
Two of his Brood in Carts for Tyburn bound:  
Who to their Sire with woeful farewell cried,  
No more may we your Sons on earth be found.  
Yea (qd. Lanista) goes that way the game?  
I knew not erst what of my Sons became.   

Durum telum necessitas.  
LAurence his light and late made Sommer-weede,  
Will now this winter stand him in no steed:  
But must be forthwith forced, though near so loath,  
To chop with Brokers for a suit of cloth.   

Ebria, minus curiosa.  
LVxurio to accomplish his desire,  
Makes his Wench drunk, would you the cause inquire?  
he's so deformed, as not a common-Punck,  
But would detest him, if she were not drunk.   〈…〉 

Charae nimis voluptas.  
Sir Ralphe resolves to leave this Coourt-like state,  
And live i'th' Country at a lower rate:  
Is it not reason he be close and near,  
That hath but bare one hundred marks a year?  
Besides the money which his Knighthood spent him,  
Not yet repaid, that so long since was lent him?   

 Tempora, Mores.  
IN Times of yore, was neither Bond nor Bill,  
For each would then his word, by word fulfil:  
Till when crept in this strange Catastrophe.  
As some for conformation, wrote Per me.  
Which now say Scriveners, non est ita mos,  
It must be Noveriut per presents nos.   

Nuptiae post Nummos.  
THere was a Time when Men for love did marry,  
And not for Lucre sake, as now we see:  
Which from that former Age so much doth vary,  
As all's for what you'll give? or nought must be.  
So that this ancient word called Matrimony,  
Is wholly made A matter now of Mony.   

Sero vocaberis Heri.  
LVke that in Latin lately scorned to look,  
Would now read English, might he have his book.   

Tonsores minus ditiores.  
CVthert admires how Lawyers get so much,  
And that his come in should not be such:  
Who hath been known a Poler and a Shaver  
These forty years, yet near could prove a Saver.   

Sublata causa tollitur, etc.  
MArcus hath all mad company forsworn,  
All sorts of of wine, all women's vain enticing:  
All exercise, all pleasures quite forborn;  
All hunting, hawking, bowling, carding, dicing,  
His Purse (the main of all) hath ta'en infection,  
And all that Doll can do moves no erection.   

Pro causa ut suprà.  
GAlfridus takes Tobacco all in snuff,  
Who near could any from his nostrils puff;  
Since the Low-Countrey-warres of late consigned him,  
To leave at least his Smelling-sense behind him.   

Ebrius dissimulans.  
BAttus (though bound from drinking wine of late)  
Can thus far with his Oath equivocate:  
He will not drink, and yet be drunk ere noon,  
His manner is to eat it with a spoon.   

Tandem potiuntur Achivi.  
Xanthus was zealous bend, but could not please  
His Lady Mistress, he so long had served:  
Nor by his best attendance once, but ease  
Or stay his stomach, if he should have starved.  
Till forced with Famine, found her in that snare,  
Which since to silence Xanthus takes his share.   

Fronti, nulla fides.  
DOll in disdain, doth from her heels defy,  
The best that breaths shall tell her blacks her eye:  
A and that it's true she speaks, who can say nay?  
When none that looks on't, but will swear 'tis grey.   

Minus domi Hystriones.  
Mistress Fardella feared she should conceive,  
Before the time in wedlock state could link her:  
Which would Fardellas' fortunes quite bereave,  
Therefore resolved, on sudden doth bethinck her.  
'Gainst when the Midwife might in childbed lay her,  
To shroud a while, for shelter with a Player.   

Nondum Doemone dignus.  
Tagus' was told had got the Devil and all,  
In that his substance did so much excel:  
It may (qd. Tagus') prove in time I shall,  
Get what's sufficient, though not thrive so well.   

Non semper inscipiens.  
KEster can court his Mistress, would you knew it,  
Wear handsome clothes, pledge healths, or break a jest;  
Drink drunk with any man, & never spew it,  
Or take Tobacco with the prowdst and best.  
Had they but kept him one ye are more at's Grammar,  
You should have found him then no Ninthammer.   

Laudes cùm labe.  
CAius commends his Sister many ways,  
To be the mirror of admired praise:  
Wert not for two foul reasons that ensue,  
she's sometimes drunk, and plays the double (w.)   

Fas per inscipientem.  
WHo dares say Doltus speaketh barbarism,  
That scholarlike can make a Syllogism?  
Can cap a Verse which may deserve commend,  
And hath his Grammar rules at's fingers end.  
Can write a Pistell to his Dad in Latin,  
And one day hopes to wear a suit of Satin.  
Yea, make his mother blest that ere she bore him,  
For of his age, few yet have gone before him:  
I mean for tallness of his limbs and bone,  
At grass time next, full grown to twenty one.   

Experientia nimis.  
What will no more in Wedlock bands be tied,  
That thereof hath too much experience tried:  
And durst a Noble to a nutshell wage,  
The next Wife makes him fall in surplusage.   

Non omnia pusssumus omues.  
THough Petrus near could Epigrams compose,  
Not is your perfect Poêts Imitator:  
Yet well the world may see he writes in Prose;  
Ergò no Cobbler, but a true Translator.   

Nequicquam Vencri verba.  
WIll woos his wench with words of Eloquence,  
Praying he might her corpse enthalamize:  
And of his love impart that influence,  
Which with her liking best may sympathize.  
She, who regardless at his speech doth spurn,  
Saith; 'tis not words of Art must serve her turn.   

Optimus in pessimis.  
VAlesco mounts upon the wings of Fame,  
For an admired report and matchless name:  
That Courting can convince your coyest Punk,  
And drink  midnight healths yet not be drunk.   

Diaboli poenitentes.  
COme; What  do (qd. Ned) this afternoon?  
That hath at Noddy neither lost nor won:  
There's not a Play (saith he) worth looking on,  
And Mistress Moll from Clarkenwell is gone.  
Troth let's do once what no man would conjecture,  
Turn honest for an hour, and hear a Lecture.   

Vltra posse negatur.  
HIstrix hath felt himself long ill at ease,  
But thereof durst not to the world complain;  
Hoping the times would all things well appease,  
And eke restore his former health again,  
But 'twould not do: so that perforce advizde.  
Histrix (God help him) must be circumcis'de.   

Infirmis experientia.  
OLd Croesus stands upon his tackling stout,  
He can as well as ere he could hold out:  
To whom his wife says, men may laugh that win,  
Pray tell me Sir, Can you as well hold in?   

Viliora Vtiliora.  
POdrus but practised when he first was young,  
To write and read, and cast up some Accounts:  
Nor cares a louse (saith he) for th' Latin tongue,  
Which would not gain him half that now amounts.  
For if (qd. Podrus) Shoemakers excel,  
Why may not then our Cobblers do as well.   

Qui Latrans, modo mordens.  
BLandus I hear will prove a biter known,  
That gently used of late to fawn and cog:  
If Blandus then, be such a biter grown,  
What kin is Blandus to my Mastyf-dogge?   

Vivit ut edat.  
WHen Gluto goes to dine at th'ordinary,  
To slay his stomach eats a crust and drinks:  
Then calls for victuals, swears he cannot tarry,  
Which till it comes, a month each minute thinks:  
Then sits him down, and takes the highest place,  
Puts salt on's Trencher, cuts a loaf in twain,  
And near remembers aught of saying Grace,  
The sight of meat so captivates his brain:  
Whereto he lurching, so about him lays,  
As must suffice him for at least two days.   

Stimulat, ignota Cupdo.  
SVsan, for spite she could not be espouzed  
Before her Sister, who is three years younger,  
Resolved herself at last, from dullness roused,  
To tell her Mother she could stay no longer;  
Nor all this while her time had so misspent,  
But that she knew no sooner what it meant.   

Opinio maior Veritate.  
IEnkin that jealous lived without deserts,  
Was told by one his Wife had worthy parts:  
At which he ten times more outrageous swore,  
How should her parts be known, she not a ()   

Aperit sua crimina somnis.  
IVdith is grown (God bless her) such a Bride,  
For face and feature, and in truth excels:  
Worthy to solace by the best man's side,  
Throughout that Street and Parish where she dwells:  
Were't not for one defect, confounds all this,  
She useth nightly in her bed to—.   

In Rosa Spina.  
YOung Mistress joice is, without jesting, fair;  
How can she choose, having a flexen hair?  
A neck so white, and a more pleasing eye  
Then any Wench you lightly can espy.   

Vide, tace.  
servus hath seen his Lady's secrecies,  
Which for his ears he durst not patronize,  
Much less presume to make least enterprise,  
Only to whistle may the tune suffice.   

Non suo se pendebit Capistro.  
PAulus no Purse about him loves to carry,  
Lest to himself he should prove accessary,  
For much spent charges, which were merely lost,  
Knowing he shall be drunk at others cost.   

Suam novit Infirmitatem.  
Josephus craved he might have conference  
With Parnell in her chamber all alone;  
But Parnell prayed she might therein dispense,  
For in her chamber must she talk with none:  
Partly through fear she should be won with pelf,  
But most because she durst not trust herself.   

Hoc proprium nobis.  
FRancis hath got a vain and foolish use,  
Practised so long, as now he cannot leave it;  
Which grew at first by being too profuse  
In his expenses, (so you must conceive it:)  
For well the reckoning may you pay without him,  
So seldom bears he purse or coin about him.   

Huic habeo non tibi.  
Fie on thee Milo, how the poor abhor thee,  
That still wilt answer them, I have not for thee:  
When all thy kindred knows, who thee condemn,  
Thou hast it for thy Drabs, but not for them.   

Idem per huiusmodi.  
A Nice young Dame that longed for dainty Cates,  
With her that sold them thus expostulates:  
My Nose (I hope) shall be my Cook (quoth she)  
Mine Arse (quoth th'other) may your Kitchen be.   

Aut caste, aut caute.  
rachel hath reason not to live in Common,  
Thereby to show herself a noted sinner:  
But rather like a close and civil woman,  
That to the Game seems still a young beginner:  
And not detected of her whorish life,  
May prove in time some honest Tradesman's wife.   

Oscula qui sumpsit, etc.  
IAcke still abjures it to his comen dation,  
he's yet a maid without equivocation;  
That being wooed by Wenches would resist them,  
And never dealt with any but he kissed them.   

Plus scaelera nocte.  
SIl. for his wives sake much Tobacco sells,  
That must assist him daily in his shop:  
And occupy herself in nothing else,  
But Pipes for Gentlemen to fill and stop:  
Which she neglects not whiles the day gives light,  
And burns them as occasion serves at night.   

Vivens, mortuus.  
MOunseir Scuerus since his Office lost,  
Wherein he lived of late a great Commander,  
Walks discontented like the angry Ghost  
Of proud Tarqvinius, or Pope Alexander:  
Whom fates envying, should from upstart rise,  
So pulled him down, as now he living dies.   

Et penna & poculo.  
COlambus executes his Master's place,  
Where he hath plodding been twice ten years space:  
But simple howsoe'er the world may think him,  
there's not a Clerk 'mongst twenty dares out drink him.   

Patientia Vendicta.  
CVcullus evermore will carry sway  
Over his wife in stranger's company:  
And on her lips his loathed fingers lay,  
Which patiented she puts up in policy:  
But with herself resolved in secret vows,  
To p y him next day sound on the brows.   

Foenum, dum coelum cerenum.  
TRocus in Taverns twice a day must bowze it,  
And belch Tobacco on his Clients purses:  
No matter Trocus, 'tis thy place allows it,  
Though like the Fox ' canst not escape from curses.  
Who ever saw that Clerk like thee deputed,  
But had his fingers with purloin polluted?   

Pulchrior infaelicior.  
FIne Mistress Fedra famously accounted,  
Minding for recreation take the air,  
went in her Coach through London bravely mounted,  
(For what should Fedra of the Fates despair?)  
Strange and admired, which might amaze the hearer▪  
That her own horses must to Bridewell bear her.   

Secundae cogitationes meliores.  
A Pamphlet was of Proverbs penned by Polton,  
Wherein he thought all sorts included were:  
Until one told him, Bate w'an ace quoth Bolton:  
Indeed (said he) that Proverb is not there.   

 nasus, notus.  
Old Publius Naso hath compozed a Play,  
Of such a plot, as few or none that view it  
But will avouch he writes not every day,  
Nor as the times of late (I would you knew it)  
The best in London pays for his invention,  
Known to be simply such as needs no mention.   

Ad Lectorem.  
REader, these Epigrams long since composed,  
Should here by my consent have been disclosed:  
Much less at latter Lammas comed in print,  
Had not the Stationer or the Devil been in't.   

Gravidae formidiores.  
DArkas cannot endure to see a Cat,  
A breast of Mutton, or a Pig's head gaping:  
A Bear, a Bull, a Weasel or a Rat,  
No, nor the screeking noise of Kettles scraping:  
Yet could embrace a naked Cariball,  
And near be moved or frighted once withal.   

Confess, and be hanged.  
TOm stretched his neck for stealing of a Mare,  
And yet I'll prove he was not hanged for stealing:  
For had he not been taken unaware,  
And so convicted by his own revealing,  
He might have scaped the Gallows, gone his way,  
And still remained a Thief until this day.   

Fama Alimentum.  
DAcus could give good words, what ere was due,  
Whereby his credit less in question grew,  
Till base-born Tapsters, without fear or grace,  
Must call him Bankrupt 'fore his neighbour's face.   

Omnia venalia Romae.  
CAcus at first durst scarce kiss Mistress Anne,  
But could at last to give consent assail her:  
Who more respecting's money then the man,  
Asked (having purest it) Are you not a Tailor?  
How? 'sfoot (quoth Cacus) then for coin I see,  
Tailors with Gentlemen must equal be.   

Aliqui fructus maturiores.  
FReta, the forwardest of ten thousand Girls,  
Wished she had been at fourteen made a Page:  
To have attended upon Lords and Earls,  
That under Knights had served at younger age.   

Edificium latrocinium.  
A Tenant by his Lease being bound to build,  
Of Timber-loggs his Landlord had beguiled,  
Which he perceiving, begins with threats discuss,  
The danger of the Law that used him thus.  
Alas (quoth he) 'twas done for my relief,  
Besides, you know Sir, Building is a thief.   

Nocte latent menda.  
Mistress Roxana by no means endures  
The Curtains of her Bed or Window drawn;  
Which to her eyes (saith she) much hurt procures,  
And therefore hides them with a veil of Lawn.  
But if you needs will have the truth revealed,  
Her Nose that's sunk of late must be concealed.   

Stante te stabit uxor.  
LIppus the Bankrupt hath a bouncing Wife,  
That would be chaste, were he but half so wise:  
And yet the Buzzard, for avoiding strife,  
lives in a Lane obscured from watchful eyes.  
Tut, Lippus be content, and bear withal,  
For if thou canst not stand, she needs must fall.   

Levia perdit quò lucret maiora.  
AWager on a Knight, of late was tried,  
He should not bear ten pounds from out Cheapside,  
Unless some Citizen holp with his hands,  
To whom already he was bound in bands.  
Which well the Knight perceived, else near had done it,  
So that he lost his wager, and yet won it.   

Puduit sua damnareferre.  
Such ill success had Dick at Dice last night,  
As he was forced next day play least in sight:  
But if you love him make thereof no speeches,  
He lost his Rapier, Cloak, and velvet Breeches.   

Strenuis, videri satis.  
WHen boasting Bembus challenged is to fight,  
He seems at first a very Devil in sight:  
Till more advizde, will not defile hands,  
Unless you meet him upon Calais sands.   

Chara nimis amicitia.  
MIlo thinks much I should his love inherit,  
Saying, it's more than my deserts can merit:  
Indeed he speaks Probatum est unto me,  
For 'tis so great as 'twould in time undo me.   

In lingua, Patrià.  
PEtrus espying late a youth pass by,  
Richly apparelled, whom he knew but poor:  
Began to censure with him doubtfully,  
Whether it were the same he saw before.  
Till hearing him, in's language lay the law,  
Was sure 'twas then the self-same Cornish-daw.   

Saepius soluas si saltabis.  
PLanus his money paid would feign be quiet,  
That pensive erst grew then more vexed with woe:  
As scarce it could permit him time to diet,  
For posting 'bout each office too and fro.  
Who forced to dance attendance durst not rest,  
Until the PIPE hath played Quietus est.   

Crescit furore Impudentia.  
TOruus will yet again exceptions take,  
And swears that by's drink heel not endure these Rhymes:  
Fie Toruus, let not men for manners sake,  
Be made acquainted with thy shameful crimes.  
But thoult allege the Bastard is not thine,  
I should not keeped then, if the case were mine.   

Visu, si non Auditu.  
PRudence, reproved for walking in moorefield's,  
Strait from her Apronftrings this reason yields:  
Though Women more than Men are thence debarred,  
'tis reason some be seen, because not heard.   

Fumus inimica Formae.  
MAdam Ventosa careful of her health,  
In haste post haste the Country air desires:  
Sweeting she'll not endure for London's wealth,  
Another winter of these seacoal Fires.  
Whose noisome fume worst then the soulst infection,  
Had almost spoiled her Ladyship's complexion.   

Cliricus natura.  
Old Tristram thought it well and wisely done,  
With an Exchequer man to place his Son:  
But Tristram had therein of wit no spark,  
To spoil so good a Clown for such a Clerk.   

Multorum Pignora pondus.  
PIgnus the Broker piled up hath his Hall,  
With pawns of persons Alphabetical:  
Kept as his prisoners, & his own doth deem them,  
Till Bankrupts, Beggars, Bawds, and Drabs redeem them.   

Arbora per Fructus.  
FIne Mistress Phippes, a proper Friend of mine,  
Wore on her breast a paper Valentine:  
Who by a Mad cap one day being met,  
Asked her, Fair Lady, Is this House to Let?   

Maguis mirabile.  
SAltus so many sorts of Suits would wear,  
As once a week, he must be new invested:  
Which made him proudly to the world appear,  
(For near was Saltus until now Arrested.)  
Strange on a sudden that a man of might,  
Should breechlesse live, obscured from out of sight.   

Alienis Fortunatus.  
PRodus the Scrivener many a pound hath spent,  
Upon procurements by him caused been lent:  
But with Proviso, will he first indent,  
You must in Prasto, give him good content,   

Potens in poculis.  
GEorge will avouch it upon deep foundation,  
That drinking store of wine hath made him wiser,  
And more expert in matters variation,  
As he's become a kind of wits demser;  
How he may cheating gull his Friends with Oaths,  
And fetch his Tailor off for more new clothes.   

Nimis docuit Consuetudo.  
Old Fucòs Board is oft replenished,  
But nought thereof must be diminished:  
Unless some worthless upper dish or twain,  
The rest for service still again remain.  
His man that used to bring them in for show,  
Leaving a dish upon the bench below:  
Was by his Master (much offended) blam'de,  
Which he as brief with answer bluntly framed;  
‛Tath been so often broft avore this day,  
As now chad thoft it self had known the way.   

Par pari refert.  
TObie with's wife, at Tick-tack often plays,  
Who much ore-seeing, takes her many ways:  
And yet he proves the greater overseer,  
She could, but will not ask him, Why not here?   

Rogandum coactus.  
FEssus desires all suits of Law might cease,  
For being Outlawed, feign would live in peace.   

Sere Poenitentia seve.  
A Sergeant that fell sick took late remorse,  
On many Prisoners he had plagued by force:  
And now would free them from the Counter-hole,  
But that Toe late; thinks 'twill not help his soul.   

Non Morbus, sed Dolour.  
A Doctor told his Patient Omphida,  
The pain she felt was a sciatica:  
Which she not perfect how to nominat,  
Mistaking; Cries: Oh my Certificate!   

Nullum stimulum Ignavis.  
CAecus awaked, was told the Sun appeared,  
Which had the darkness of the morning cleared:  
But Caecus sluggish thereto makes reply,  
The Sun hath further far to go then I.   

Ad Momum.  
CEase prithee Momus, bite thy malice in,  
Tut man, I know thou hast a devilish wit:  
Able to pose the wisest of thy kin,  
But Momus than thou shouldst not boast of it.  
Or say, thou work the worst thou canst intend,  
That done, go hang thyself, and there's an end.   

Humilis Sublimis.  
KAte, seeming curious in her conversation,  
Scorns you should kiss her hand or tie her :  
Which she accounts as great an imputation,  
As any worst of wrong you else can do.  
So high she vaunts herself above the Skies,  
And yet full lowly on a Straw-bed lies.   

servus dominatur Domino.  
SVsan hath served this year and half for nought,  
Making still good, things broken, stolen, or lost:  
Which with her wages must anew be bought,  
That do amount unto no little cost.  
But Susan now hath found a means for all,  
What time her Mistress goes abroad (old Trot)  
To yield herself unto her Masters call,  
And make him Father what another got.  
Who rather chose, than Law the Case should handle,  
To pay a hundrd pounds for soap and candle.   

Tandem aperta Reelusa.  
BEttrice debarred from sport, with one that loved her,  
Was kept severely under bolt and lock:  
Who notwithstanding when occasion moved her,  
Crept forth at th'window, nightly in her smock.  
But from her Father forty weeks concealed it,  
Until the Bastard cried, and so revealed it.   

Suaviora Digniora.  
YOung Mistress Minea finds herself aggrieved,  
In that her Husband keeps her not in fashion▪  
And therefore will by others be relieved,  
Who on such creatures take far more compassion.  
No flesh she fears to feed on out of sight,  
Knowing her goodman picks the bones at night.   

Venditur ut Emitur.  
Darcas' will do with Knight or Gentleman  
What shall be reason, more than which she dares not:  
And that's as much as any woman can,  
Unless be such as for her credit cares not.  
Then if these pleasures without fear ensue,  
What thereto longs (qd. Darcas) pray judge you?   

Meritrix absentè Marito.  
SVsan with sundry cunning slights and tricks,  
Gulls her Goodman that domineering sways:  
Nor will her eyes other objects fix,  
Whiles in her company the Coxcomb stays.  
Who gone, she cannot for her life refrain,  
But needs must laugh, till down she falls again.   

Nocte latent mend.  
WHen bouncing Beatrice minded is to sport,  
She closely steals out of her doors at night:  
And covets most 'mongst strangers to resort,  
That least may be discerned by candlelight.  
For chief respects which might her much disgrace,  
Besides her Periwig, and pocky face.   

Ad johannem Bradshaw, Seaccariensem.  
NOt that to me thou ere wert Friend or Foe,  
Nor that I seek hereby t'insinuate:  
Nor that thou wouldst the world thy worth should know,  
Which I'll not blaze, nor yet expostulate.  
Only repute thee one amongst those Clarks,  
'Gainst whom my Mastiff neither bites nor barks.   

In Obitum alicuius.  
Lampus extinct at last in Ashes lies,  
Who when he lived did nought but Gourmandize:  
On choicest cheer, and Bolles filled to the brim,  
Which fed him fat, for worms that feed on him.   

Plus decus Honori.  
PIerce grown to years, maintain's a Page at's heels  
That must attend, and tell him what's a clock:  
When he from Trulls & Taverns homeward reels,  
And in short time consumed and spent his stock.  
Yet bids provide 'gainst night some other toy,  
Whiles belching he repose his head that's giddy;  
Then waking calls, Fill some Tobacco Boy:  
That done, Go see if Supper be made ready.  
Which he not having wherewith to discharge,  
(Nor daring further run upon the score:)  
Entreats the Vintner with discourse at large,  
Upon his Cloak to lend him so much more.  
Nor means he thence till midnight part away,  
And keep his bed until next Quarter day.   

Efficit prostrata, nummus.  
When jaques from th'Exchange goes home to sup,  
And finds his Wife drunk on her pillow laid:  
He patiently prepared to put it up,  
Encounters with black Kate his Kitchen maid:  
Who tells him, she'll no longer serve his turn,  
Unless his Mastership more crowns disburse,  
And therefore bids him make her not forsworn,  
But presently dispatch and draw his purse:  
Which done, she flatly to her business falls,  
And near ariseth till her Mistress calls.   

Subita, magis quaerenda.  
MAt. with his Man late set on merriment,  
And therewith trying by some trick to flout him:  
Spying his Dog that to sir-reverence went,  
Asked if he had not Pen and Ink about him.  
Yes, said his man (and wherefore makes he doubt?)  
To write (quoth's Master) what my Dog lays out.   

Pecunia, virum.  
A Usurer waxed worth ten thousand pound,  
Which with extortion he had gained of late:  
For purchase should of certain Lands be bound  
Unto a Knight that knew not his estate:  
But to a Scrivener dwelling near him goes,  
And for advise therein his counsel takes,  
Knowing he could the truth thereof disclose:  
Who whispering in his ear, this answer makes,  
You need not Sir, the matter further scan,  
For I'll assure you he's a right good man.   

Plus mendax, Mendicus.  
DAcus gives out for payment of his debts,  
He shall a wondrous wealthy Widow wed:  
Which 'mongst his Creditors much hope begets,  
That constant are 'twill be accomplished.  
Mean while young Dacus takes up ten times more,  
Tells them the marriage day is short at hand,  
When he'll no less than double all restore,  
Which need no question now of Bill or Band.  
But Dacus makes it a more gulling toy,  
Then that old Cozenage of new Englands-ioy.   

Detur laus digniori.  
Mistress Marina 'mongst some Gossips sat,  
Where Faces were the subject of their chat:  
Some looked too pale, some seemed too fiery red,  
Some brown, some black, and some ill fashioned.  
Good Lord (quoth she) you all are much too blame,  
Let's love and praise the Maker of the same.  
Her Chambermaid who heard her, standing by,  
Said, Then love me, for that you know was I.   

Nil perdunt mendici.  
I Ack's wondrous sick, who thinks he shall go mad,  
And lose his wits (a thing jacke never had:)  
Take comfort man, if that be all thou fearest,  
A groat will pay thy loss when wits are dearest.   

Formosa foetida.  
I Met with Martha, and feigned would have kissed her,  
who turned her cheek, which made me that I missed her:  
She spared her lips, because her breath was tainted,  
And I her cheeks, because I feigned them painted.  
Since then at first, we had no better greeting,  
Your hand (quoth I) shall serve at our next meeting.   

Materia pro forma.  
LVcina hath a Love whose name is Goose,  
A proper Lad, well borne, and wondrous spruee:  
She likes the man, but cannot brook his name,  
If that be all (sweet Luce) you are too blame.  
The man you may commit into your hands.  
For why, the Babes he gets may prove all Swans,   

Sero, si non subito.  
LOrellus by the Law condemned to die,  
Sent his sick water to a Doctor nigh:  
And proffered him an hundred pound for's pain,  
If by his Art he might but's life obtain.  
The Doctor understanding of his crime,  
Wiled him with patience to endure a time;  
And fend again when th' Moon was in the change,  
Mean while Lorelius must to Tyburn range.   

Tria, vertit in unum.  
FEstinus now in haste resolves to thrive,  
Ere Christmas next, and honestly will wive:  
Swears by his locks he'll ramble then no more,  
But keep him close to's wife, and's friend, not's whore.  
Insooth Festinus, 'twere discreetly done,  
For having charge, to have all three in one.   

Secretasua sibi.  
LEttice hath left the town: but who knows why?  
Some say to take the air, and see a friend:  
I heard as much; but knew it was a lie,  
Her business tended to another end.  
No Doctor here can cure her, she's so ill,  
Old Mother-Midwife hath therein more skill.   

Pluma, quid levius?  
WHat if Pondexus Wife be light? how then?  
Must she be taunted at by every jade?  
This is the fault of foolish vain women,  
That will be diving in their neighbour's trade.  
Pon: is a Feather-maker, and by right  
His Wife, like to her Wares may prove as light.   

Ad Samuelem.  
MY suit's to you (Sam) pray deny it not:  
If you remembered, you a Bracelet got  
From your sweet Mistress; i'faith restored again,  
'twill do her pleasure now: for to be plain,  
She hath so great a loss had in that kind,  
As in the world she knows not where to find  
One silly hair of her own simple breed;  
Then help her now, that holp you at your need.   

A malo ad peius.  
PRiscus though near so poor, yet herein joys,  
He once was Captain of the Roaring-boys:  
And worthy then durst challenge as his due,  
The chiefest place amongst those damned crew,  
That with unbutning could carouse a quart,  
Drink drunk, and sober, six times ere he part:  
Knock at cach Gate at midnight on command,  
And make the Porter stand with cap in hand,  
Supposing him a man of that regard,  
As scorns to pass not giving good reward.  
When he (poor Rascal) but a rambling goes,  
And now in Limbo lousy lies, God knows.   

Dubitat mens conscia recti.  
WHy should Sir Pandrus so impatient be,  
As needs he'll call in question who I am:  
That durst presume on such a one as he,  
To write a Satire or an Epigram.  
Let me Sir Pandrus, tell you this for true,  
I am not such a slanderous knave as you imagine.   

Nemo odit quod nescit.  
YOung Fawnus spends thrice forty pounds a year,  
True Demonstration that he'll near be thrifty:  
But what need Fawnus Fates or Fortune's fear,  
That's yet not fourteen, and his Dad past fifty.  
Who simply pardoning any worst of merit,  
Will near his first borne Bastard disinherit.   

Sine Flamma combustus.  
MArcus came up to see the Monuments,  
The Tower, the Lions, and the new Exchange:  
The waterworks, and lofty London-Rents,  
With other sights, that seemed to Marcus strange.  
But 'mongst the rest that likewise did abound,  
Near thought on Fyre-works, which he first here found   

Vritur Impertunitate.  
A Lusty Lass, but lose, not worth the naming,  
went down the stairs whereon she feared to stumble  
And holding in her hand a Candle flaming,  
Was by a jolly Lad enticed to jumble.  
Who when at first he 'gan her roughly handle,  
Away she cried: Now fie how you abuse me:  
And therewith vowing, swore: Now by this Candle,  
I'll burn you Sir (if thus you strive to use me.  
He blew the Candle out, to break her vow,  
But she performed her Oath; imagine how.   

Facilis Generosus.  
WHo says Humfridus is not gentle borne?  
Did not Crispinus beat him th'other morn?  
And he it gently took, without resisting?  
Then let him pass, and leave your further jesting.  
He that for blows hath half so good digestion,  
Must needs prove Gentleman without all question.   

Dulee Bellum inexpertis.  
MOunsieur Securus, proud as any he,  
Prays still for War and brave Hostility:  
But he's no better than a barking Dog,  
Or rather as a painted skipping Frog,  
That brags it out with borrowed bravery,  
War is no colour for such knavery.  
How can he think to hurt his Enemy,  
When all his Weapons are at Surgery?   

In Amorosum.  
HAd I not vowed almost to write no more,  
Spruce (Amorosus) I could not forbear:  
To tell the world how like a common-Whore,  
Thou spendest each morn in trimming of thy hair.  
Which having done, and finished near so soon,  
Thou look'st no better than a wild Baboon.   

Perplunias Anser.  
SEe how young Rufus walks in green each day,  
As if he near was youthful until now:  
Ere Christmas next this green-goose will be grey,  
And those high burnished Plumes in's Cap will bow.  
But yet you wrong him, since his purse is full,  
To call him Goose, that is so young a Gull.   

Ad Momum.  
MOmus, you told me late I did not well,  
Seeming as 'twere my little wit to sell:  
Why man, the Egyptians sold their babes for gain,  
And may not I the Infant of my brain?  
But well I wots thou'lt set it soon at nought,  
And say the Child is better fed then taught.  
Peace Momus, peace, either thy good word lend it,  
Or come and take my room till thou canst mend it.   

Et Puella, & Foemina.  
LVcina's years runs on so smooth and even,  
That at sixteen she seems but as eleven:  
Yet mark how strange the time had her beguiled,  
Who proved a Mother being but a Child.   

Omnibus hoc Vitium.  
AN honest Constable that made search of late,  
And found a fellow with a wench in Bed:  
Wished he himself had been Associate,  
And therefore kindly bade them both God speed.  
Be sure (qd, he) I'll not descry your lurking,  
Let Nature (that's so well provoked) be working.   

Prodit se lingua.  
A Country Butcher late with Oxen passes,  
Hard by a Dame that kept a shop of glasses:  
Who lisping chides him with words finical,  
Thirra remove your Ballocks from my Stall.  
Whereat the Butcher smiling makes a stop,  
But she with anger, blushing leaves her shop.   

Admonita peior.  
PRiscill doth plainly to the world appeal,  
Since Women that deal plain, are Baladized:  
she'll with her Husband no more plainly deal,  
Or 'mongst plain dealing people be comprised.   

Dum friget, calescit.  
WHo doubts but Susun when she first bore sway,  
Had for one night a French Crown pitch & pay;  
But who so simple now, knows not the reason  
She took not Diet, nor the Sweat in season.   

Asinus ex Asino.  
Grillus' outrageous grew with self conceit,  
Dreaming of late he was transformed an Ass:  
And waking, needs would to the world repeat,  
That it for certain truth came so to pass.  
Who thus besotted, forthwith 'gins to bray,  
Attempteth eke like Banks his Horse to dance,  
Runs to the Stable there to feed on Hay,  
Strives to Curvet, Career, Kick, Wince and prance,  
But since that Grillus, nothing so much fears,  
As the appearance of his Ass' ears.   

Non dulce, quod utile.  
TVrdosus train de in the Nocturnal Trade,  
Which we by Title of Gold-finder call:  
With oft infusion such escapes had made,  
As caused his Master (much displeased withal)  
Say thus in rage Thou a jakes-farmer prove?  
A Cobbler (knave) would thee much more behove.   

To my Bookseller.  
THy Books (I doubt not) but will all be bought,  
Though near so bitter for the Title thought:  
To putrifactious Ulcers that abide,  
The strongest Medicines must be applied.  
Yet may be well enough endured: all which,  
Are but as Wormwood given to kill the itch.   

Nnda Veritas.  
YOung Mistress Cicely, and her Sister Kate,  
Scorns to be thought with tricks t'equiuocate:  
Therefore says plain, if 'ttwere not true they swore,  
Let each be censured for an arrant Whore.   

Soluat utcunque Senex.  
OLd Squinto deals with's Wench not like a stranger  
Though comes perhaps but once a Week, or so:  
'tis known he keeps her still at Rack and manger  
Whether she love or loathe him yea, or no.  
He pays for all she spends, and eats, or drinks:  
Allows her Horse and Coath to ride at pleasure,  
Yea what she best for recreation thinks,  
That bids her use, and choose again at pleasure.  
Thus doth the Dotard dull and detestable,  
Make others do what he himself's not able.   

Sperare liceat Infidelibus.  
THat Luscus hath no Latin 'tis no Lie,  
Nor that he writeth false Ortographye,  
Yet passeth for a Checquer Clerk we see,  
And hopes this Term to purchase many a Fee.  
Nay more he hopes to prove an Officer,  
If case (quoth he) our Vicar doth not err:  
Who well remembers in his Proverbs saith,  
The weak in Knowledge, may be strong in Faith.   

Casta, quam nomo rogavit.  
WHy tempt you me (qd. Win) with words unchaste?  
Or do you love to spend your breath in waist?  
I am not Sir, the Wench you take me for,  
But scorn the motion, and your words abhor.  
'tis known how well I live without disgrace,  
And therefore chosen have this private place.  
Where, since the time we may not long inherit,  
Your Welcome must be therefore as you merit.  
Alas (good Sir) you are to me a stranger,  
But that's all one, when you are free from danger  
I am persuaded (though your years be young)  
You have a subtle and enticing tongue,  
Able to tempt a Woman go astray,  
Should she not have the grace to say you may.  
Fie, who would trust these men upon their words?  
The world 'mongst twenty scarce one true affords.  
But to give each his due, I must confess,  
You near as yet have wronged me more or less.  
Nay, pray for bear, my Maid hears all your woo,  
She knows I am not used unto such doings.  
You talk of matters worth as much as nought,  
But not a word what Money you have brought.  
Nor ever dream you at what charge we live,  
That for our Lodgings thus much weekly give.  
Which such as you (alas) near think upon,  
That once have had your pleasures, and are gone.  
What, will you Sir dispatch and make an end?  
Come: you shall see I'll use you as a Friend,  
And as befits a man of your estate,  
Nor love I many words expostulate.  
Believe Sir, as you are a Gentleman,  
I took no handfell since the Term began.  
Then in a manner think yourself so sped,  
As purchase may my second Maidenhead.  
Which though I say't, and do not use to flout,  
Good Knights have sued for oft, and gone without:  
What's there? Two shillings six pence? marry musse:  
You think belike we are some common stuff:  
Yes, in good time, 'twere more than fit I grant ye,  
You need but ask and have, yes Sir I waunt ye.  
I thought as much how frank you were before,  
Dee use to give your Hackney-Iades no more?  
'twere good you kept it still Sir and were going,  
Assure yourself I am not for your mowing,  
Nor any man's that me so basely scan,  
My Maid gets so much of each serving-man.  
Make you no difference pray twixt her and me▪  
Or must we both alike reputed be;  
Well Sir is that the main you will disburse?  
Or have you no more Money in your purse?  
The time I spend about this idle chat,  
May lose and hinder me I know not what.  
Pish; yet more doing? pray Sir hold your hand,  
And jest with those you boldly may command.  
Had I not thought you one of better proof,  
You near should entered have within my roof.  
A man of your sort, sparing his expense?  
I pray Sir hold me not I must go hence.  
But ere I part, know without more relate,  
A French Crown is my least and lowest rate.  
Which if you have not, you may leave some pawn,  
Nor will I to a dodkin less be drawn.  
But scorn for thrice as much I tell you true,  
Thus prostitute myself, wert not to you.  
Tut, near tell me you'll come again and pay,  
I have too oft been us the with such delay.  
Nor talk of Oaths as promise once gone hence,  
We love the Present, not the Future Tense.  
You know my mind: the'res now no more to say;  
Do this, or here's the Door▪ and there's the way.  
— Cetera deficiunt.   

Mens conscia recti.  
RAlph told his Mistress he had done with her,  
Which she conceived at worst and called him knave  
Threatening to bring him 'fore an Officer  
Where she th'advantage of the Law might have.  
Indeed (qd. Ralph) I near presumed so on you,  
Till now you pleased ' to take the Whore upon you.   

Hypocrita videatur.  
PVllus supposeth none observes his haunts,  
Of stealing secretly unto mine Aunts,  
Without his Page; Oh Sir it might be said,  
He else were seen to kiss the Kitchin-Mayde.  
Or suffer Sisse or Susan search his Hose,  
Which to the world his Page might chance disclose.  
Tut Pullus can such afterclaps remove,  
Et si non castè, tamen cautè prove.  
For near of him was yet more seen or hard,  
Then of blind George, or john of Pauls-Church-yarde.   

Meliùs sit per Deputatum.  
A Client that to London came for Law,  
In right of Land which some had sought withdraw  
Finding his Advocate gone forth a mile,  
Propounds the Case unto his wife the while.  
Who soon deciding it without expense,  
Told him the fault was in his Evidence.   

Cedendum necessitati.  
FRauciscas swears he'll be no more forsworn,  
No more will Swagger, Surfeit, or be drunk:  
No more his locks will wear at length but shorn,  
No more converse or solace with his Punk.  
No more chaste Widows, Maids, or wives abuse,  
No more lewd Songs, or bawdy terms repeat:  
No more Tobacco midst of Dinners use;  
No more detract, lie, flatter, cog, or cheat.  
For true it is, Time now hath better taught him,  
Since late that scurvy Woodstreet-Counter caught him.   

Nescit Stultus irasci.  
COdrus a Country Clown, well worth the naming  
Fell amongst Gamesters late to learn their vice:  
That (soon entreated,) drawn was into Gaming,  
And gulled of all his Gold, with cheating Dice;  
Which Codrus seeing, half in anger swore,  
They near from him should gain one penny more.   

Vivitur ex Fumo.  
FVscus grows fat, yet feeds on nought at all,  
How lives he then to any Creatures thinking?  
Oh Sir, by precepts Metaphysical,  
For know that Fuscus deals in nought but drinking,  
No food at all his Fancy can provoke,  
But wholesome liquor, and a Pipe of Smoke.   

Ad Conscium, Epilogus.  
NOw what says Conscius to these scurvy rhymes,  
Are they not basest most absurd abuses?  
Hadst not been better by a thousand times,  
T'have spent thy sixpences upon other uses?  
Come, thou'rt an Ass, nor canst by Approbation,  
Say yet precisely where the Saddle wrings:  
Only dost feel by nature's inclination,  
The more a Horse is galld, the more he flings.  
Hark in thine Ear, if this thou thinkest disgrace,  
Next time I'll ride thee through the Marketplace.    

SATYRS.  

Magnis, peccata mìnus.  
Ye nimble Satyrs, that with howling strain,  
Belch out the poisoned ' Canker ye contain  
Of Earth's pollution, and the world's offence,  
Masked and obscured with secret vile pretence;  
You that delight to torture men alive,  
And through the channels of destruction dive;  
Avaunt, dispatch, and look ye not protract,  
To bring to light, each heinous horrid act.  
What? Stand ye fearful of men's outward features?  
Or dread ye shadows but of painted Creatures  
Whose seeming outsides only made for show  
Assume the substance which themselves not know;  
Or is't because you scorn to dignify  
The lewd ambition of proud bastardy;  
Where can ye find within Earth's continent,  
Men of that rare refined Element  
Who fearing to be damned or checked for blame,  
Are more less subject unto sin then shame;  
But so delight in lewdness to excel,  
As they prove Devils before they come to Hell;  
Drunk with the dregs of sin insatiate,  
Appearing Monsters most adulterate.  
Careless of Bliss, of Conscience, or of Soul,  
Till glut of guiltiness their deeds control:  
And they with Vleers so infected are,  
As every limb is blemished with a scar  
Of shameless, lewd, and loathed iniquity,  
Sprung from the loins of lust and infamy.  
Nursed with the milk of that infectious evil,  
Which thus hath made them Chiildrens for the Devil.  
And now swolln big with blushless Impudence,  
Presume their greatness may with jove dispense.  
prescribing to themselves those rules of reasons,  
As must accord with their own times and seasons.  
What's he that's drunk, or surfeits (having wealth)  
But will allege 'tis Physic for his health.  
That Venus sports and Carnal appetite  
Are for evacuation requisite.  
That murder rape and incest (threatening ruth)  
Are all but held as idle toys of Youth.  
Mischiefs that pleasures bring who would prevent,  
there's time (say they) hereafter to repent.  
Or that their best of deeds are done too late,  
If to be damned it be predestinate.  
Some Wolves in Sheep-Skinnes wrapped 'gainst such men bark,  
And care not what themselves do in the dark.  
Yet chief are or deigned to rule the rout,  
Because their Office herein bears them out.  
Who knows not Greatness may dispense with Laws,  
there's no resistance in a rich man's cause.  
For those bewitching Objects, Gold and pleasure,  
Are Pluto's Agents that augments his treasure.  
And do persuade us, there's no Hell but fear,  
No life, nor joy, nor pain, but this life here.  
The weak ones ●anting grace straight follow this,  
Credulity in ill, robs man of bliss.  
Man wrongs his Maker by his want of merit,  
Sin gives a sharp edge to a Satyr's spirit.  
Pied Vanity, th'enticing bait for Fools,  
Muffles our Knowledge, to entrap our Souls.  
The world grown Aged, should prepare to end,  
But Nature so 'gainst reason doth contend.  
As Light of Knowledge is put out by time,  
And to be virtuous now is held a crime.  
For those seven Sciences their grounds of Arts,  
Have evermore possessed their sacred parts.  
Which seven wide steps unto Damnation,  
Deciph'red are in order one by one.  
First, Self-loved Pride, the Idol of the Court,  
Is Pluto's Agent dressed to make him sport.  
And that misshapen Monster Drunkenness,  
Is his sworn Taster to the Furies mess.  
Next horrid Murder, makes his veins to swell,  
And is as Butcher to the King of Hell.  
Covetousness is his chiefest Officer,  
And Envy forreine-States Interpreter.  
Sloth is his Chamber-groome, and makes the Bed  
To Lust, his Sodomitick Ganymed.  
Thus Pluto spends the TIME amidst those Revills,  
That first for pleasure were devised by Devils.  
Who surfeiting at length, made drunk with mirth,  
Casts up those Monsters to defile the Earth  
That with weak Frailty, licks those vomits up,  
For Pluto's Nectar, which must fill his Cup.  
These Hellish Statesmen, these foule-killing sins,  
To follow here on Earth who so begins.  
And means to practise, as they come but near him,  
Well may he know GOD, but he cannot fear him.   

Trahit sua quemqueVoluptas.  
Howl on ye Satyrs, whilst I sit and mark,  
How woluish-Enuie at my Muse doth bark.  
Backbite, detract, rail, slander, and revile,  
With words of hatred and uncivil style.  
First comes a Statesman to the Stationer,  
And many better Books he passing over,  
By chance finds this, whereon he reads a while,  
Then bites the lip, than frowns, then gives a smile,  
And to the Seller says such fiery brains,  
Should warm the prison to reward their pains.  
Becomes it any man of his profession,  
Reprove us of our manners or transgression?  
Away goes he; Next comes my gallant dicer,  
His ordinary stomach is more nicer,  
Who asks for new Books; this the Stationer shows him:  
Streight swears 'tis nought unless the Poet knows him.  
Nor will he read a Line: this Fortune's Minion,  
Likes for sooth nothing but his own opinion.  
The mending Poet takes it next in hand,  
Who having oft the Verses over-scand. '  
O filching straight, doth to the Stationer say,  
here's four lines stolen from forth my last New-play.  
And that he'll swear even by the Printers Stall,  
Although he knows 'tis false he speaks in all.  
Then comcs my Innes-of-Court-Man, in his Gown,  
Cries Mew, what Haekney, brought this wit to town.  
But soon again my gallant Youth is gone,  
Minding the Kitchen more than Littleton.  
Tut, what cares he for Law, shall have enough,  
When's Father dies, that cankered Miser-Chuffe.  
Put him a Case in Ploydon then who will,  
That being his, plod you on Law-Bookes still.  
Next comes by my Familiar, yet no Spirit,  
Who forceth me his Friendship to inherit.  
He sees my Book in Print, and straight he knows it,  
Then asketh for the Book, and the Boy shows it.  
Then reads a while and says, I must commend it,  
But sure, Some Friend of his for him hath penned it.  
He cannot write a Book in such a fashion,  
For well I wot 'twas near his Occupation.  
Besides by Checquer-Clarks, that oft have seen him,  
I near could hear of Scholarship was in him.  
'tTwere good to pose him but to have it known,  
Or 'tis no matter, let it even alone.  
Next after him, your Countrey-Farmer views it,  
It may be good (saith he) for those can use it.  
Show me King Arthur, Bevis, or Sir Guye,  
Those are the Books he only loves to buy.  
Well, that he likes and walks. Then comes a Devil,  
With sober countenance, and Garments civil.  
A Puritan, or pure one, choose you whether,  
(For both as one makes self-same sense together.)  
He looks on some, and finding this the next,  
With very sight thereof his mind is vexed.  
Fie onted (saith he) that any man should buy,  
Such Books profane of feigned Poetry,  
That teacheth vice, worse than your Plays on Stages,  
And is a shame to old and future Ages.  
To loving Brotherhoods Community,  
That are defiled by such impurity.  
Away retires my feigned Publican,  
And after him next comes my serving-man.  
Who calls for new Books, heres one says the Boy,  
He reads, and tells him, tut, this is a toy,  
And near will please our Maids that take delight,  
In books of Ladies or some valiant Knight.  
Those witty works buys he, and thence he passes,  
Next him comes my Scholaris, 'mongst those Asses;  
Who scarce vouchsafes his eyes thereon to glance,  
Or reading but a line or two by chance.  
Must on it straight way strive to break a jest,  
(As who shall know he's wiser than the rest.)  
His wit that made this, well may beg by Pattln,  
I'll near allow that good which hath no Latin.  
Besides, how ever I disdain to read him,  
Unless I knew what House or College bred him.  
Lo thus my Bachelor of little Arts,  
Will needs (presage 'tis nought) and so departs.  
At length comes-by my apparel homespun Clerk,  
Whose antic gesture I beseech you mark.  
No sooner this my Book in hand he seethe,  
But rubs his elbow, shows his butter teeth,  
And says, Is't English? then let him alone,  
For other language (tells you) learned he none.  
But knows by whom this Epigram was made,  
he's just saith he a man of mine own Trade.  
Then on the sudden falls his courage down,  
Finding a Clerk translated from a Clown.  
Which having read, ne'er asks him how they sell,  
But steals away, and shames to bid Farewell.  
Last comes my scoffing Friend of scouring wit,  
Who thinks his judgement 'bove all Arts doth sit.  
He buys the Book, and hastes him to the Play,  
Where, when he comes, and reads, here's stuff doth say.  
Because the lookers on may hold him wise,  
He laughs at what he likes, and then will rise,  
And takes Tobacco; Then about will look,  
And more dislike the Play, then of the Book.  
At length is vexed he should with charge be drawn,  
For such slight sights to lay a Suit to pawn.  
A Number more like Addle brains as these,  
I could give Physic to for their disease.  
But better subjects shall employ my pen,  
Then the Low-minded muddy dross of men,  
That wrong our labours by their duller spirits,  
And judge us by their hate, not by our merits.  
I tax no one particular with crimes,  
That can find fault at my Satyric Rhymes.  
Good men will love me, whiles the bad I lose.  
He that speaks always truth, is sure of Foes.   

Sic Transit gloria Mundi.  
MArke & you love me, who's yond marching hither,  
Some brave Low-countrey-Captain, with his feather  
And high-Crownd-hat, see into Paul's he goes,  
To show his Doublet and Italian Hose.  
The whiles his Corporal walks th'other Isle,  
To see what simple Gulls he can beguile,  
In hope of purchase, for if such he meet,  
They follow must his Captain through the Street.  
Where the poor Gulls before this Leader stand,  
With lowly reverence, and their Hats in hand.  
hovering an Idol, for true worth itself,  
Because he keeps him brave with wrong got-pelfe.  
But note this Gallants Genealogy,  
Then shall you see his birth and progeny.  
His Father lived by gaming to defraud,  
His Mother was an Ale-wite and a Bawd.  
Yet doth this Outside so deceive men's sight,  
As oftentimes he's taken for a Knight.  
But Farewell Captain, and now note this man,  
This griping Mammon that doth all he can  
To be on Earth Great Plutoes-Treasurer,  
And when he dies, in Hell an Officer.  
This Slave in Cash hath forty thousand pound,  
Yet such a wretch there breathes not on the ground.  
His Parents in their lives, gave him their state,  
But he returned their loves with matchless hate. 〈…〉  
That like a Pelican to do him good▪  
He nourished was by sucking of their blood.  
And now possessed of all they had before,  
Unnaturally against them shuts his Dore.  
Yet now this Monster lives to do more evil,  
Lurking here still a Ledger for the Devil.  
The next to him comes Prodigality,  
A Townesmans' Heir strowting in bravery.  
This Fool makes Suppers for Whores, Bawds, & Cheators,  
Yea, lends them money, but to call them Debtors.  
Near looks to hate ' again: Cousnage defeat him,  
When he wants Money at his need, they beat him.  
No wonder, for he more deserves by half,  
'tis good enough for such a golden Calf.  
Of whom a man may truly prophesy,  
His end will be diseased Beggary.  
Next a penurious Miser wretch comes forth,  
That owes his belly more than he is worth.  
Yea, feign would feed out of the Prisoners basket,  
Wert not for fear, or shame, he durst not ask it.  
Yet hath his Shop and Cellars stuffed with Wares,  
Which to make profit of he only cares.  
Near breaks the interest that thence redounds,  
But is as provident in pence as pounds.  
Who to save charges feign would woolward go,  
But that he doubts the world thereof should know.  
Tut, penny saved (saith he) is penny got,  
Spend they that mean to beg, I like it not.  
If labour or prevention can it let,  
he'll ' not in Fleet or Counter lie for Debt.  
No, no, such Husbands as are worldly wise,  
Will spend no more than nature shall suffice.  
As not to drink more than their brains can carry,  
For fear their judgements from their wits should vary.  
A thousand Cautions more he might infer,  
To make him prove a damned Usurer.  
Adding still Interest to the principal,  
Till in the end he hang himself for all.  
But note what sober Citizen comes next,  
That like a Preacher will expound a Text.  
And tell what danger comes by doing evil,  
Speak like a Saint, and do worse than a Devil.  
For Gold heel' wrong his Father, cheat his Brother,  
And yet these faults reproves he in an other.  
Who under cloak of Civil policy,  
Presumes to cover all his villainy.  
Pluto takes pride to see these plants so flourish,  
Who as his Children he desires to nourish,  
And takes them home when they have spent their prime  
Lest tarrying long they should corrupt more time.  
But wherefore rip I up those dregs of men,  
That wrongs true labour and a Satyrs pen.  
To treat of Wars or Actions to be done,  
Let next the Current of your Channels run.   

¶ A Paradox in praise of War.  
PEACE thou Corrupter of Mortality,  
Mother of shame and base security.  
Whose beggared womb so many Bastards brings,  
Three parts must starve, the rest like demie Kings,  
Reign o'er their Brothers, all malign their birth,  
To have one Father, yet are Slaves on Earth▪  
Aid me ye powers, whose influence got you Fame,  
To rip the womb of peace, and show her shame,  
Peace makes a fair show, but 'tis fowl within,  
Peace like to Rivers, feeds a Sea of sin.  
Let War in Foreign Lands hunt drowsy Peace.  
And in a just cause man's renown increase.  
'tis wholesome War dissolves the course of sin,  
Men best repent, when dangers near begin  
To show their Faces '; but whiles peace doth hold,  
Our strength is weak, and our Devotion cold.  
Safety from worldly danger makes men think,  
They that stand fast on earth shall never sink.  
The Countrey-Myser that his gold preserves,  
To feed him fat whiles many thousand starves,  
Is thus occasioned by this slothful peace,  
Which lessens virtue to make vice increase.  
'tis searelesse Peace makes pleasure man's chief God,  
We want both sight and feeling of wars rod.  
That Land more happy is that War doth nourish,  
Causing the world in better state to flourish.  
For danger makes us fear a sudden end,  
Fear saddes the soul because it did offend.  
The fear of danger makes each man prepared,  
And of his ill past life to have regard.  
Danger calls Conscience to a strict account,  
Repentance makes a heavy soul to Mount.  
'tis soft security lulls men in sin,  
That only covet but Earth's joys to win.  
'tis idle Peace that breeds in us such faction  
As kills at home, for want of Foreign action.  
The Valiant man doth hence his Fame increase,  
Maintains himself by wars, grows poor by peace!  
Hence flows the fountains of detected vice,  
Sloth, Lust, Deceit, and filthy Avarice.  
Extortion, Usury, and gains Excess,  
griping the Living of the Fatherless.  
So they by use or fraud their bags may fill.  
In show of goodness they'll commit all ill.  
Cheat their own Brother to gain worldly dross,  
And make them poor by Law, that such dares cross.  
For this all-wishing- Gold is of that force,  
As muffles justice, and exiles Remorse.  
Gold in these times can turn the wheel of Fate,  
And make them best beloved deserves most hate.  
Gold can make peace join hands of deadly Foes,  
Gold can make war again wound peace with blows:  
'tis peace that makes this Indian Gold adored  
This golden Calf Idolatrizde, abhorred.  
Gold in the soul breeds such an alteration,  
As men desire it more than their salvation.  
Some cut men's throats for Gold, commit all evils,  
Gold makes them Gods on Earth, and in Hell Devils.  
'tis pursy Peace that makes it of such price,  
And is the Mother of all sin and vice.  
Making us prone to all security,  
Which thus proceeds through times security.  
Peace makes Religion faint, and not regarded,  
Virtue a Beggar, Learning unrewarded.  
Strange new Damnation's, drowsy Peace begins,  
And now the world well knows the worst of sins,  
Which through security do so increase,  
As endless plagues are matched still with Peace.  
Plura sequerentur.    

The faults escaped in the Printing (or any other omission) are to be excused, by reason of the Author's absence from the Press, who thereto should have given more due instructions. Which the rather was neglected because the Book (being long since finished) is as you see but lately published. Among the rest (not least to be reform) in the last leaf of the Epigrams, in stead of the word Ballocks, read Ballackths, and in steed of having, read saving. Besides other scurrilities, which should have been left out.