The Fantastic age: OR,  
The Anatomy of England's vanity,  
In wearing the fashions  
Of several Nations,  
With good exhortations,  
Against transmutations.  
To the tune of, O Women monstrous etc.  
 


AVdience audience gallants all,  
for here (as on a stage)  
I'll show the postures, admiral strange  
of this Fantastic age,  
Wherein both sexes are grown  
and Phebe-like they often change.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters  
leave these foolish toys.   

Chamelion-like themselves they change  
to any colour seen,  
How many several fashions strange  
have here observed been  
Within the circuit of few years,  
as by experience truth appears.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys.   

An English manor woman now  
I'll make excuse for neither,  
Composed are I know not how,  
of many shreds together:  
Italian, Spaniard, French, and Dutch,  
of each of these they have at touch.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys,   

The Germane and the drunken Dane,  
the Persian and Polonian:  
The Sunburnt Aethiopian,  
the Russian and Slavonian▪  
Our English imitate in clothes,  
in drinking, drabbing, and strange oaths  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys,   

When meekness bore in England sway  
and pride was not regarded,  
Then virtue bore the bell away,  
and goodness was rewarded  
Now our fantastic innovations.  
do cause prodigious transmutations.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys.   

Our men were in precedent days,  
to manly actions bend.  
They did not seek their names to raise  
by clothes, and compliment.  
Now he's the man whose brave apparel  
defends him in a Taverne-quarrell.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys.   

He thinks the Tailors should not choose  
but grow exceeding rich,  
Yet from them I hear no such news  
though they go thorough stitch:  
The reason's this, new clothes are made  
before the old Bill is defrayed.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters, etc.    

The second part,  
To the same tune.  
 

NOw many of both sexes go  
each after●noone toth' play,  
Their rich Acoutrements to show  
and do even what they may,  
To note if they can any spy,  
that put them downs in bravery.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys.   

The women will not be at quiet,  
their minds will still be crossed,  
Till Husbands, Friends, or Fathers buy it,  
what ever price it cost.  
Thus wide mouthed pride insatiately,  
devours all thoughts of piety.  
O monsters,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys   

And men that should more wisdom have  
then the scayle Female sex,  
As many fond inventions have,  
nay rather they'll annex  
Unto the story of their shame,  
a higher style than women claim,  
O monsters, etc.   

Ungirt unblessed the proverb says,  
and they to prove it right,  
Have got a fashion now adays,  
that's odious to the sight  
Of those who love civility,  
and hate this idle foppery.  
O monster.  
Neutral monster,  
leave these Apish toys.   

Like Frenchmen all on points they stand  
no girdles now they wear,  
To spread this fashion through the land  
The Hangman (as I hear)  
When at four gates he hang four men  
did wear just such a Doublet then.  
O monsters etc.   

If any thing may give them light  
to see their vanity:  
In my conceit that object might  
make wise men to defy  
A fashion that is held so base,  
worn by the Hangman in disgrace.  
O monsters etc.   

Now to conclude, with all my heart  
I wish that every one,  
Would study on some better Art  
and let vain pride alone:  
Be as your good Forefathers were.  
and let not vice thus dominéere.  
O monsters etc.   

What you profusely do let fly,  
in pride, in drink, and gain:  
Spend in good hospitality,  
'twill elevate your fame  
The prayers and praises of the poor,  
shall clothe your minds for evermore▪  
O monster,  
Neutral monsters,  
leave these apish toys.    
FINIS.   

London Printed for Thomas Lambert.