A Woman's Birth, OR  
A perfect relation more witty than common,  
Set forth to declare the descent of a Woman.  
To a pleasant new tune.  

 

THere is a certain kind of idle Creature,  
The which by foolish name, we call a woman:  
I could fall out and rail upon dame Nature,  
That ere she framed such creatures to undo man,  
Many have wondered how it came to pass,  
But note, and I will tell you how it was.   

When Nature first brought forth her son and heir,  
The Gods came all one day to gossip with her,  
Her husband Hymen glad to see them there,  
Drank healths apace to bid them welcome thither,  
Till drunk, to bed he went, and in that fit,  
He got the second birth a female chit.   

The privy Counsel of the heavens and Planets,  
Whose Counsel governs all affairs on earth:  
They held a consultation in their Senates,  
What should become of this prodigious birth:  
These strange effects, and correspondent qualities,  
Which are brought forth by course, & by formalities.   

Saturn gave Sullenness, jove Sovereignty,  
Mars sudden Wrath, and unappeased hare,  
Phoebus a garish look and wand'ring Eye,  
Venus' Desire, and Lust insatiafe,  
Mercury Craft, and deep dissembling gave her,  
Luna unconstant Thoughts, still apt to waver,   

juno the wife of jove, gave jealousy,  
A pettish Anger, and revengeful spirit,  
In which she will persist perpetually,  
As if her soul could boast no other merit:  
Though Love at first bear rule in her supremely,  
Wanting her will there's none hates more extremely.   

Flora bestowed upon her cheek, a hue  
Of red and white, to make her feature pleasant,  
That she the easier might the heart subdue,  
Of King, Prince, Courtier, Citizen or Peasant,  
But he that trusts her faith, it is so slack,  
Her red and white to willow turns, and black.   

Scornful Diana did her mind inspire  
With cruel Coyness, and obdurate Passions,  
That man might think her soul had most desire,  
Still to live single, without alterations,  
When heaven knows 'tis but her pride of mind,  
That thinks none good enough to court her kind.    

The second part,  
to the same tune.  
 

THus qualified, into the world was brought,  
This strange & uncought piece of earth called woman,  
Nature afraid her husband should have thought  
That she had played the whore, or been too common,  
Besought Lucina from old Hymen's sight,  
Close to convey it unto Venus' bright.   

Where being brought by Venus she did learn  
To use loose gestures with her hand and eye,  
With feigned sighs, false tears, not to discern,  
And diverse such loose tricks of Levity,  
Lisping of kisses, smile and such fits,  
As well might dried a kind man from his wits.   

Venus well skilled and apt to make escape,  
Sent it to be brought up among the Fairies,  
Thus finding it to prove a pretty Ape,  
Wanton and merry, full of mad fegaries,  
She brought it home and gave it to her son,  
To be his playmate and companion.   

Mulciber envying that his wife had got,  
A nursery contrary to his mind,  
He called the Cyclopes, and with fire hot  
They forged her heart (just to it's proper kind)  
Of steel, i'th' fashion of an Anvil hard,  
That should no fire nor strokes a whit regard.   

Phaeton that while assuming Phoebus' seat,  
I'th' time of's Reign, imparted to this brat,  
Mischievous fancies and a proud conceit.  
That should desire to do she knows not what,  
And that donation did her so inspire,  
If wishes might prevail, the world she'd fire.   

The winged Child no sooner did espy her.  
But he enamoured of her feature grew,  
The god of Love himself was set on fire,  
And needs would change his mother for a new:  
If she on love's great power can work such rape,  
How shall his subjects with their weakness scape?   

He pranked it up in Farthingales and Muffs,  
In Masks, Rebato's Shapperowns, and Wires,  
In paintings, powdering, Periwigs and Cuffs,  
In Dutch, Italian, Spanish, French attires:  
Thus was it born brought forth & made Love's baby,  
And this is that which now we call a Lady.   

But you young men to whom she may be sent,  
Take some advisementere you entertain her,  
Pray use her kindly for her high d●scent,  
Courting and kissing is the way to gain her,  
If she love true. I'll speak this in her praise,  
Each hour shée'le bless the number of your days.    
Philo-balladus.  
FINIS.   

Printed at London for Francis Grove, dwelling upon Snow-hill.