Room, FOR A MESS of Knaves. OR, A Selection, or a Detection, OR, A Demonstration, or a Manifestation. of four Slaves. OR, A Conviction, or a Comiction, OR, A Combination, or a Copulation of four Varlets. OR, A Reperition, or a Repetition. OR, A Replication, or a Recapitulation. of four Harlots. With a Narration or a Declaration, a Relation or an Explication, of a strange (but true) battle, fought in the little Isle (or World) of man.. Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat. London printed for N. F. and are to be sold at the sign of the Talbot at the West end of Paul's. 1610. To the Reader Having written this course discourse or rather discovery, I bethought myself that it would not be amiss, according to the laudable custom of pamphleteers, to Dedicate the same (how unpolished soever) unto some good patron or other, for shelter: when straight it came to my mind that this fashoning of dedicating books, and so to place the name of some Grand Signior, in the forefront of an Epistle, was for all the world, like a Vintner: who at the first setting up of his Trade, yea and all his life after, hangs up the glorious spangled juey-bush to draw good fellows to the tasting of his Outlandish Liquors which made me to dislike this fashion of To the Right Honourable, or so, & determined To leave it to the Printer without one badge at all; When suddenly it came again to my remembrance how difficult a matter it was now in these double dealing days to seem singular or self conceited in any course, the whold misliking such fellows no less than your Monopolyters, being men almost of the same kind and condition: and therefore I must needs insanire cum alijs, and dedicated it must be, But to whom? marry (quoth I to myself) to some great man at least, (for it's in use now to have great Godfathers▪ though we be never so mean) etc. I but (quoth myself) it may be he will hold it too base S●biac for his Honour to patronize, and unhappily one or other of his followers near to him may find himself aggrieved etc. Then (quoth I Isle to some Doctor? surely no (quoth myself) for he in his great wisdom & great learning, may over shoot the mark, or thinking it not fitting his gravely or so: may Why then may it not be, then to some Knight? oh by no means (quoth I for he peradventure would take the matter in dudgeon to have a discovery of Knaves offered unto him, were it but for the Affinity of the names, & peradventure (if he were one of those travailing Ks. that knows more Languages than one) standing upon the Etymology of the word, being derived from the Dutch * Knact in Dutch is a Knave. Knact would conceive lamed at the Knight also, (whereunto before God and the Country I plead not guilty) and in a fume (especially if he were at his Tobacco) would bid me be packing and take my knaves with me, or else (and then swears heel) etc. Put case I offer it to some great Lawyer (quoth I) in no case (quoth myself) for if he should alter the case by misprision, and with a writ of the Case, case or cage you up in the Counter than you were in a wise Case, were you not? How lik'st a Physician then? (quoth I) marry I pray God I may never have need of them (quoth myself) Now by Mars i'll to some Mounser Capetaino. Then by V●nus thou art mad (quoth myself) for the peace being now concluded in the Low Countries, he in a malcontent humour (mistaking thy meaning) may peanter plain stab thee, or so. Why then (quoth I) what wouldst have me do? for soothe good sir quoth myself get you to some rich Cittezen that hath broke off his Trade and so. Now I see thou'rt shallow (quoth I) for thinkest thou that he which breaks with h●s company and creditors, and so will not break with thee? No, I know a bet way then that: I'll alter the case and Gender too, and take a Lady, or some great Gentlewoman that hath a heart as bog as a Ladies: Nay that's as worse (quoth myself) for ten to one she would rather entertain one or all thy Knaves, than thy book of their discovery, and so reward thee with one of their cast liveryes and so. Now would I were a Saint, if I know to whom then: I am in doubt (quoth myself) that some one of these 4. Knaves thou writ'st of, came behind thee in thy dreaming sleep and hath clapped thee on the coxcomb and cracked thy brainpan: but now I think on't, I'll help thee to 4 C. for thy 4 K. to whom thou mayst commend them: viz the Court, the Camp, the City, and the Country: You shot well at Rovers quoth I, but I know an other C worth all your C. I'll stand to't, such a C. she is, that she may be wife to the greatest Earl in Europe: a C, of all C. a tresnoble, commanding conquering C a courageous kind C. And where she affecteth not, a full fell furious and fiery foe is she. God send me from her frown then quoth myself: what Angel devil? what janus I pray thee mought she be? marry quoth I the Epitome of her great name is Signiora Madonna Cogitation Reina del Microsmo: O quoth myself my aude metris, A ken hur so well sir, A shus a blithe Lass a gudfeth Sir if she be plezd, And a o fell fiend a she frown: a foul eel au hur wezan shas oft guard me to grit Sir. Well (quoth I) if I find her no worse than I left her I care not: I pray thee Sirrah where lefst her (quoth myself) forsooth I left her where they shall find her that reads on my Book, except in her Husband's absence she be gone to visit her Niece Venus or stepdame Luna: which I know his Honour will not be well pleased with when he comes home, but be it as it may, if she be gone abroad I will stay till her return, or leave it entrust with some frtend near about her. To the Right Worshipful, & my especial good friend, Sir john Lebon, Knight. SIr: having long requested▪ after a Gentlewoman of good note, one Mistress Cogitations, I was advisd by an extravagant fellow (that Pretended to know much) to go to the sign of the parrot in lither lane, for there he said she had a Chamber: thither I went, and found one of that name indeed, to whom I tendered this little remembrance of my good will and service: She, (whose accoutrement, countenance, and conditions, was fitly resembled by her Sign,) had scarce read my Title, but she began to tattle, and after a scornful and malcontent manner, threw my book at me, and bade me be packing and take the Knaves with me. Being thus mistaken, (and studying what course was best to be taken) I was overtaken by a good fellow of my acquaintance (well known to your Worship) hard by the Rose and Crown to whom I imparted my mind, and how I sped with mistress Parrot: he laughed and said hast thou forgot our two old acquaintance, goodwill, and Il-vill? why man (quoth he) thou shouldst have asked for mistress good Cogitations: she keeps house in Love-lane: also she hath a lodging in such a man's house, (meaning your worships) by whom thou mayst have access to her: Thus thanking my remembrance for his kindness, I am bold (Presuming on your worship's good acceptance) to render this small remembrance of my good will, to your good Cogitations: And rest. The 4. quarters of the day natural, Governed by four knaves artificial: viz. A Melancholy knave, & a Choleric: A Sanguine knave, & a Phlegmatic. THese four are brothers by the father's fide, begotten by Sultan Satan, on four Succubuses: the first was borne in Helvetia: the second in Tartary: the third in Slavonia: and the fourth in Barbaria. THe first (which is the knave of Spades) he was borne when Saturn was in conjunction with the moon: therefore he will prove a melancholy mischievous knave, of the nature of the earth, which he claims for his birthright (though he have no right thereunto:) this knave is covetous, envious, malicious, and treacherous: of hair thin, black, sooty. Balductus Rimarius (a late writer) reports him to be the son of a Sexton, preferred to the ends of Court by help of the last great sickness, An ill wind that blows no man to profit. and so made a Lawyer: this carries some probability: but I am not of his opinion, for he is called the knave of Spades, because he is always digging, plotting, undermining, and forging (with that clubfooted Cuckold's journeymen, Brontes, S●cropes, and Pyracmon) of some damned Engines of villainy. Take heed of this knave for he's a dogged knave, and will bite before he bark: he hath under him 6. subordinate knaves, Lying, Forswearing, Backbiting, Insinuating, and Detracting. His devise is, a Waterman, looking one way and rowing another: his Motto is, Mell in Ore fell in Cord. Read what is written in the painted cloth, Beware the Mouse, the Maggot, & the Moth And ever have an eye unto the door: Trust not a knave, a drunkard, nor a whore AT twelve a clock enters the knave of Hearts, he was borne when Mars was in Conjunction quadrature with the Moon, jupiter being retrograde. This portends that he will prove a villainous hearty knave, or a knave at the heart: he is of complexion sanguine, bloody, hot as fire, as may appear by his red head: you know Mack bog fool, an Irish Historiographer, reports tthat he was St, Patrick's Lac key, but (although he be accounted like an Irish Lackey, yet I am not of his opinion: for St. Patrick himself (as more authentic author's report) went always afoot, I and bare foot to, for the sins of his countrymen: he is given by Constellation to be proud, jealous, lunatic, and sometimes horn-mad: his time is (though he seldom or never keep time, order, or honest courses) to set about 6. a clock in the afternoon, and gives place to as very a knave as himself: his 6. vicegerents are: Vainglory, High-mindednes, Arrogancy, self-love, Masterfulnes, Newfanglenes. His Devise, Actaeon turned into a Hart, and torn in pieces by his Hounds. his Word is, Qualis vita, finis ita. A silken Civet saucy knave, That's dight in many colours brave: Who whoods and mews his wife for flying A horn-plague hold him to his dying. THis third knave is a Clubbish, black haired, broad backed, colerake knave: yet one that will carry no coals neither: at this knaves nativity Mars was in conjunction with Venus, in the house of Saturn, when jupiter was retrograde: therefore I find by my Astronomical Inspection, that he will prove a mutinous martial knave, one that speaks nothing but powder and shot: this Cavaleero Snaphance, though he break up at midninght, yet if you move him (and he's quickly moved I can tell you) than he will be Lord of the Ascendant, though he be not in his own house: therefore wheresoever you meet him let him pass, for he is hot and dry in the third degree, and will pass though it be to his own destruction. This Don Colbrand is well known to the Watchmen of London: when he hath finished his quarter, he retires himself most commonly (but sore against his will) to the Counter, or Newgate, and thete he studies Brooks Cases: till he be called to plead at the Bar, Not Brook the great. Lawyer, but Brook the Tailor. and then to his last supper prepared by 12. bones et Legales homines. etc. His six petty Captains are Oppression, Contempt, Swearing, frowardness, Impatience, Desperation. His devise, a Brewer's Horse got lose, saltant with a broken halter upon his head pendant. his word, Dissolute & resolute. A Mastiffe-dog, will never make a Spaniel, An horseman's saddle is no market Panel The Devil is a knave and ever will be, This knave like him shall walk alone for me THe last but not the least, is your Diamond Knave: this is your only Knave (or a Knave alone) that loves to be alone in most of his businesses. This Knave was borne when Mercury was in a Trine aspect with Venus in the house of Luna: a phlegmatic false knave he is that loves to be conversant in watery places: his variable mind you may know by his variable coloured hair of head and beard, more variable in his apparel and countenance, most variable in his lust. This fellow (for he hath many fellows in these days) predominats from midnight to morning, a night walker he is, and (as he saith) is near of kin to Oberon the king of Fairies, and it should seem● so, for all his exercise is the works of darkness: he is a knave in print, and takes his place with the first that ever studies in the Academy of the seven liberal sins, To be short, he is such a cunning bawdy knave, that I can not with all my skill discover him sufficiently unto you, and therefore I will leave him amongst you, to comment further of him: His six undertakers are Intemperance, Shamelessness, Idleness, Dissembling, fawning, Lying. His devise, An old Ram-goat, stalking up and down in a Barn: his Motto, Si non caste, tamen caute. Rightly the moon predominats in thee, For thou art all as changeable as she: Let's say 'tis so, this echo says 'tis so. And will say after you if you say no. Knaves and Queans draw all in one line Vices go by couples, Newgate fashion. 1. Little and loud, 2. Long and lazy: 3. Fat and liquorish, 4. Black and gasie 5 Sad and subtle, 6. Red and raving: 7. Pale and peevish. 8. Old and having. A prying eye a lifting ear, a light finger, and a prating tongue Do consort together, as four parts in a Song. THere be also four Queans of near alliance to the aforesaid 4. Knaves, which I thought to serve in, instead of quails, (Rails I might say) to your second course (for they are corpse I'll be sworn to you) but I forbear them, for if I should put them together there would be foul rule, and I stand doubtful how you would tax me, or so: therefore I will first see how you'll digest their comrades. Their names are. A Bridewell Quean commonly called a Punk. A Newgate Quean, commoly called a Doxe. A Cuckstoole Quean, commonly called a Scowlde. A Cage Quean commonly called a Bawd. 1. From a Quean of her tongue, 2. And a Quean that's lazy: 3. From a liquorish Quean, 4. And a Quean that's gasie, Parce nos Domine. From a filching Quean, 6. And a Quean or her tail, 7. From a mischievous Quean, 8. And a Quean of sale. Libera nos Domine. Astronomical il●ections briefly described for administration of Physic and Phlebotomy. A. Conjunction. B. Opposition. C. a Trine. D. a quartile. E. a sextil. F. a Degree. The mischievous melancholic, you must let blood or purge in Aries and Taurus. The cruel choleric in Taurus and Leo, but if the diseases be not too violent in Pisces. The filthy phlegmatic in Gemini and Libra. The insulting sanguine, in Capricornus, Aquarius and Pisces. NOw as these four knaves (by usurpation) have got the government of the day: so by my extronomical calculation, I find also the whole year by a Colaterall resignation to fall unto them. For the Prince of darkness, Sultan Lucifer, having got the Cards into his own hands (like a cunning juggler) and discarded the four Kings, viz: Truth, Mercy, justice and Temperance, hath foisted in their stead, these four knaves: who for that they will never be idle (as they will never be well occupied) have divided the twelve Months amongst them: and so interchangeably subdivided them into weeks, days, hours, and minutes, that for my life I cannot tell where to have them by my figurative conspection, but only by their villainous effects. Sometimes I find some of them together in a trine aspect, the sign being in Aries and Taurus: some in a Quartile aspect, in Libra and Cancer: then all in a most ominous conjunction (Inter aquam & ignem) the Moon being entered the Dragon's tail, certain degrees in Virgo, Libra, and Scorpio, they coclude in an opposition (with such a terrible combust) as though an other deluge with doomsday would reduce the world to her old Chaos Then hurling by my Ephemerideses, Terrible tanqu●●●on true. in all haste I betook me to my Prospective-glass, wherein I foresaw, that (jupiter being even then Lord of the Ascendant, & Saturn retrograde) they are brought Coram nobis, in Capricornus & Aquaries, (with cap & knee) with Humilianus, & so conclude by the heels in Pisces, till the celestial Dominator Sol appearing in his glory, Dominus judex. brings to light their deeds of darkness: and so (with a writ of Co●pus cum causa) sends some to needy Newgate; some to biting Bridewell, some to the costly Counter, and some to the cold Cage. But (alack the while here they stay not long, for one claims kindred of this great parsonage: another that he and his predecessors do and have served long that great man. The third swears he hath spent his blood in his majesties service, and (if he can neither will nor choose) will spend it again. And the fourth being of a more April desposition, protests like a Pewterane, it's not the first, nor shall be the last, if they will pardon this fault. Then altogether with a thousand sorts of lyings, and cry, for swear & tearings, wring and flinging, vowing never to do so again, that is (like equivocating Knaves as they are) subintellegitur (with a mental reservation) so heedlessly. By these and such means, with the help of their honours letters, v●z. a nonobstant, the knaves creep out at the backdoor, and finding themselves in statu quo prius, Plus valet savour in judice: qua● lex in C●di●t. they fall to their old trade again; but with more caution: for they will so shuffle themselves amongst other honest Cards, that you shall very hardly perceive them, but on the white side: so that you shall never know them till it be upon the winning of the set, and then will they show themselves in their kind, knaves at a dead lift. NOw having discovered these 4. knaves in part, I will produce (like juggling Feats, the devils journyman) the whole pack before you, that is to say, 52 Cards: that at the first sight you would think them to be good, honest, plain Cards, without any Legerdemain; yet 'tis but dec●ptio visus for all that; but I will fetch them off with a hay pass and repass, and then you shall see they are all knaves indeed, and all their knavery too, as far as by my Astronomical speculation and skill, I can display them unto you. But first, before you can well understand this mystery of iniquity, you must observe 4. points most exactly: viz. 1. The Spades be all long, to cut longways. 2. The Clubs fall short, to cut broad ways. 3. The Hearts are equal, to cut both ways. 4. And the Diamonds have a principal mark on the left corner, the better to be known, yet so as that you shall not easily perceive them, but by observation and dexterity in cutting them. Well (if all may be well) being thus suited, they are Cards for the devils own play on holidays, and for his dam a●l the week after. You shall find them sometimes In the Court, like controllers: In the Camp, like Commanders: In the City, like Cormorants. In the Country, like Constables. In the Term time, like Pettifoggers. In the Vacation, like Promoters. In the Visitation, like Summoners. In time of peace, like justices of Peace. In War, like Captains or Mustermasters In sickness, like Physicians or Surgeons. In health, like o'erthwart Neighbours. In prosperity, as false friends. In Adversity, as Fell Foes. In profession, are Pharesies. In life, Saducies'. In the light Angels. In the Night devils. On Sundays pray with the people, and all the week after pray on them. Yea these two are such Nigromancers, that they can with a trice Metamorfoze themselves into a thousand shapes, and like Ignes Fatu●, with their false light, lead you in the night, out of the way, and in the day (like Cheating companions) deceive you in the way. To conclude, their conditions like their coat of many colours, fitting (like a cheverel glove) every man's fingers. These 4 principal knaves (as you have heard before) have under each of their judas dictions, 6. subordinat knaves, and those 24. have each of them one deputy, which makes the whole pack 52. with their Cheiftaines: cum multis alijs Rascalibus, que nunc perscribere longum est. The names of the other 24. are Inprimis, Ambition, Presumption, Stubborns, churlishness, Bitterness, Maliciousness, Commotion, Traitery, Striving, Fight, Oppression, Vexing, Cursing, swearing, scoffing, Prattling, Vnseemely-iesting, Thievery, bawdry, Beggary, Atheism, Hypocrisy, Curiosioty, Vnaduisednes, selfelone. A Legion of these Packets hath Don Lucifer sealed up with his privy seal, and delivered them to his three Groom porters, Minos, Eccus, Three great judges. and Rh●damanth, to be foisted in with other plain Cards, with twenty thousand bales of false dice; as high-men and low-men, viz. Gypseys and jugglers, bawdy Constables, and thievish boys, etc. Fox populy. Therefore take heed, you that be gamester's at these Comi-tragicall sports, lest you be cheated of your goods and goodness, and with the Prodigal be sent to keep Swine, never to return home (the premises considered) but by weeping cross, or beggars bush. Now having evacuated my head of these gross infectious humours, whereof it may seem to have been fully charged: and falling into a brown study what might become of these Locusts, that like the Grasshoppers of Egypt did cover the whole earth: Commanding Morpheus (like a thief in the night) came stealing behind me before I was aware, and clapped his soft hand upon my eyes, and I dreamt: And me thought I was (like Abacuch in the painted cloth) carried (not down to a den) but (up to a high hill) environed with a deep river: Microcosmo● & beyond the river a great champion field, in the midst whereof there was a fair Castle in the form of an Heart. This Castle was beleagard by two huge Armies: the one on the Southeast side, and the other on the North-west. Forthwith I heard two Trumpets summoning a parley: where unto an answer being replied, ●ogetations. I did behold (or thought I did behold) a goodly young Damsel upon the top of the Castle, covered with a white vail, that I could not see her face: who demanding the cause of their s●mmons, a double reply was made by two Heralds, with my Lord, and my Lord: but the North west Herald (whose boisterous boldness like blubd-cheekt Boreas bewrayed his meager manners) cried in the Slavonian tongue, my Lord Vycioso, base son and heir apparent to Sultan Pluto (sole Emperor of the North, from Babylon to Egypt and so to the further part of Mare Rubrum to Mare Mortuum, Domine factotum. even from the Sun set to the Sun rising) doth require entrance and friendly entertainment for him and his followers: Who swears and vows unto you (by his Horror and upon the word of a Soldier) all love and service: And to that end (if you please) will send his commissioners with authority, to treat with you of a perpetual league, as also of a marriage: and to conclude on Articles and conditions thereunto belonging, etc. All which she having heard at large, (not answering one word) turned her about to the right side, to hear what th'other would say: who to the same purpose (though after an other manner) protested his Lords entire love and affection: And further putting her in remembrance of a former alliance and neighbourly commerce held and continued between his Lord Virtuoso, and her deceased Father, who upon his deathbed motioned a contract of marriage between them; which if she would stand unto, than a large dowry should be ratified under his hand and seal to her, and the h●ires of their two bodies for ever. etc. His Embassy ended, she briefly thus replied: Sir you that spoke last I answer, first thus: I find not myself enjoined by my deceased fathers Will, to any such contract upon a penalty, therefore I hold myself free to mine own will. But sithence both your Lords profess love (as you say) unto me, and each offereth very largely, I thank them both, And that I might know which loveth me best, I will that he that can approve himself most Puissant by the others Conquest shall be Lord of me and mine. This answer returned (as fast as Imagination could carry them) away they went to their Lords: who understanding her resolution, though they were both doubtful of their success (for the victory lay partly in her affecting) yet resolved notwithstanding on both sides to try the event. Then Lord Virtuoso speedily dispatched three Commissioners, Reason, Discretion and good Remembrance to solicit her the second time: And so did Pharo Neco Vitioso: viz. Temptation, Folly and Sensuality to use their best devoir to draw her to their parts. But Madam Cogitations stoodfully resolved to behold the fight first, and then as she saw occasion so she would conclude. Being out of all hope on either side to obtain her favourable aspect, (which would be very furthersom to the party affected) they prepare to the Battle: but the night before Don Vitioso like a crafty knava knavorum sent his sworn servant Signior Sensuality secretly (like a spy) to sow his slippery seed all over the Field, that Lord Virtuoso his soldiers should not be able to stand, their ground should be so slippery. Now this right worthy Lord Virtuoso very early the next morning preparing to Battle: Thus marched forward with his whole army: himself sitting in an ivory Chatiot richly garnished with Gould, Pearls, & precious stones: there attending on the Chariot four worthy Knights: viz. Righteousness, Prudence, Strength & Temperance: Next to the Chariot Road seven Captains. The first was Humility riding on a Lamb: on his helm a Falcon gentle stood. Next him followed Charity riding on a Tiger, who carried a Pelican on his helm. The third was Patience on a Camel, he had on his Crest a Phoenix. The fourth was Liberality on a Dromedary, and on his Crest an Ospray. The fift was Abstinence riding on a Hart, on his helm a Popini●y. The sixth was Chastity, who bestred an Unicorn, on his crest a Turtledove was placed. Good exercise was the seventh who was mounted on a Panther: and a Crane he had on his Crest. Many petty Captains there were beside, as Pity, Meekness, Goodness, Concord, unity, Patience, Honesty,, true Friendship, Simplicity, Steadfastness, Quietness, Peaceablnes, Helpfullnes, Discreetnes, serviceableness, Meserablenes, Orderlines, justness, Contentedness, Sufferance, Foresightfulnes, Contemplation, Reverence, Courtesy, Indifferency, Lowliness, Affection, etc., All these were dubbed Knights of the holy cross by their General Don Virtuoso: Don Vicioso also dubbed other 24 Knights, of the Post-haste to animate them two to the conquest of the gilt spurs. juanis Ho●●●. Cunning, also brought to the aid of Don virtuoso certain companies whose Captains were Necromancy, Geomancy, Magic,, Adriomancie, Phissiognomy, Palmistry, Ornomancie & Pyromancy: but Tresnoble Virtue (scarce thanking him for his offer) told him that he never used (nor would) any such companions in the wars. Whereupon Cunning, with his consorts being thus casherd, went to Don Vicioso, who (with all respect) gladly receiving him and his comrages, and placed them in his rearward. To be brief, in hearing on both sides ranged their main Battalyons: Vicioso Abbadono most courageously gave the first onset, discharging his great Ordinance (which was baststerd Cannons in all his Army) which the Lord Grace (who commanded the Vangaurd of the Prince Virtuosos Army) avoided, by help of a rising hill on the Southeast side, and entrenched on the North east side, well manned and maintained by right puissant Patience and heavenly humility: so that all the shot passed over their heads without any detriment. Then they drew near their enemy scirmiging with th●ir small shot, which the Lord Virtuoso his party manly bore off, with their Targets of proof not yielding one foot: joining Battles, they fell to it pell-mell, with such fury, that many were slain, many wounded, and many taken Prisoners on both sides: But the wicked weed that Sensuality had sowed, made the ground so slippery, that Lord Virtuoso his company could not stand: which Infidellety (standingon the left side of Madam Cogitations) perceiving, enticed her to lean to Vicioso Apollyon● his party: But true Faith on the right side counseled her to the contrary: but all in vain, for she not only favoured Mounser Gogmagogo Vicioso, but took part with him also. All which, Lord Virtuoso perceiving, in great discontent left the Field for that time: and signor Gracioso commanded a retreat to be sounded: that hearing Doggodomado Viciosissimo, his Army made a great shout, and cried follow, follow, for we shall all be Conquerors. But the Lord Grace having recovered the entrenched Hill, with Faith and Hope; maintained the fight till Sunset. Early in the morning by the break of day, worthy signor Gracioso (with a heavenly Oration) persuaded his followers to a second encounter: which Faith & Hope no sooner heard, but with a fresh courage they led forth their Vanguard, advancing their Banners in the name of jesus, and made a second and a sudden assault (the enemy being in their Tents) At the charge whereof, came thrice puissant Perseverance to their aid, with a mighty Host from the Lord Virtuoso: which signor Gracioso, with Faith & Hope perceiving, redoubled their courage, and cried Virtue and Victory. The Enemy this hearing, in all post haste trussed up their trinkets, and in a disorderly order, aswell as they could (upon such curtal warning) defended themselves: but most worthy Perseverance perceiving that, took the advantage, and so well behaved himself that day, that he made his foes to fly before his face: commanding Constancy with his courageous company, Plectrumaninims. following close after, that it rejoiced my heart to see it. Now Madam Cogitations seeing this, (usherd by her old servant Goodwill) secretly stole to her Castle: Acusation compeling her and meeting Lady Conscience at the Gate (in great sorrow) craved her counsel how she might recover Lord Virtuoso his favour. Marry (quoth Conscience) you must go to Humility and Repentance: Magn● cum 〈◊〉 ●●rore. So disguising hirself, that she might pass the better unknown, she met with Contrition, who, with Repentance, brought her the next way to Humilities Tent, which was placed at the foot of the Hil fast by the entrenchment: whom Humility seeing a far off, made haste to meet, and very lovingly embraced and kissed them: Cogitations discovering all her intent, entreated her best aid in her suit to Lord Virtuoso, which he most willingly condescended unto, and went with her to the General's Pavilion, and there with Repentance and Contrition, (falling down flat before his Excellency) confessed her amiss, and most earnestly and heartily craved pardon, which he most lovingly granting, Remorse. lifted her up, set her on her feet before him, and most friendly communed with her. In the mean while Perseverance with Constancy so behaved themselves, that Don Vitioso with all his whole rout, was undone, and clean overthrown horse and foot: when (as the Devil wood) in rusheth a mad rogue, one Cavalero Desperatio with a Chariot (for his Lord was so sore wounded that he could not ride) and speedily conveyed him by a secret way out of the field. In this overthrow was taken Prisoners, seven Captains of note or notorious Captains, viz. Envy, Wrath, Covetousness, Pride, Gluttony, Lechery, Sloth: with a number of the Rascaldry: among the rest were my four compictious knaves you wots of: who in hope they would change their copies, and in time mend their manners, were banished the Island: Spadado Mellancollico, with Cain to the land of * signifieth barking. Nod bordering on sad Acheron: there to pick a Salad of Rue, Wormwood, Sorrell, and coloquintida: Sanguinato cordato, to Mount Aetna, bordering on burning Phlegeton: there to offer flesh and fuel, to that never-ending fire. Fustifurato Colerato to the Torrida Zona, divided from the Mount by infectious Styx: there to carbonado his Collops with the Cannibals. And that Flegmatico Diademono, to the land of waste, near mourning Cocytus, never to return but upon perpetual pain of the Pox the Ghonorrhae: with the grand consumption of the lungs and marrow: And all this to stand firm & irrevocable, according to the law of the Medes and Percians. Some were ransommed for others that were taken prisoners by the Enemy: others committed to perpetual imprisonment: and some (like Hammon) were hanged for examples to others. There were also ordained seven special Officers for the good government of this noble Isle of Man, Microcosmus. for prevention of future invasions: viz. 1. Prudence, Lord Channcelor. 2. Temperance Lord Treasurer. 3. justice, Earl Martial. 4. Perseverance, Lieutenant General. 5. Grace Lord Warden of the cinque ports. 6. Reason chief Secretary. 7. Memory, M. of Requests and Recorder. As they were in consultation about the future good of this little common weal, & election of inferior Officers, I heard one knock hard and hastily at the Councell-chamberdore. And with that I waked. Now concerning Signiorissimo Virtuoso his parley with Madonna Cogitatio: the articles of agreement, the marriage, her relapse, and second reconcilement, with the secret and subtle return of your four irreligious Sadduces, to four hypocritical Pharisees, will require an other discourse, and you shall hear more when our old Postmaster Morpheus returns, and that I see your strong stomachs do well digest these my homely, but I hope wholesome cates: craving pardon for what is amiss: and if I may understand what is my error in this, I will mend it in the next: for the plain truth is, I am but one of Dame Reasons skulls, as may appear by my cookery and clothing. But yet I have seen good work in my days I cantel you. To the high & mighty monsieur Morpheus, brother to Oberon King of Fairies: Cousin ierman to Mercury, Squire of the body to Madam Cogitations: Lieutenant General of the cinque ports: & Domine Fac totum of all nocturnal negotiations in the Isle of man.. THy devoted suppliant & Micro-cosmographer T. Goodwill: who doth not only, but also admire thy mightiness: adore thy virtue, and implore thine Excellence (O thou Metamorphoser of minds thou that art a releaser of Captives, and a Captiver of the released: a comforter of the comfortless, & a tormenter of torments: a Messenger to the good of gladness, to the bad of sadness: a just judge twixt high and low, the poor man's wealth and the rich man's woe: a Prophet of the night, to the bad a false, to the good a right: the balm of grief and the bane of spite) Thine Excellence I implore, that thou wilt vouchsafe thy poor Goodwill a deep carouse of thy Nectar, which may infuse a dreaming revelation into my Pia mater, that so I may by way of prophesy foreshow what will follow of these aforesaid four knaves, exiled for the testimony of a bad conscience: I cannot think that they are dead, for they are engendered of immortal seed but (they are Metamorphosed into some other shapes, the better to deceive) and my spirits are kindled with a drivine fire, & thou must not deny me as thou tenderest the favour of my good Lady Cogitations, in whose name I charge thee, nay more, I conjure thee (mark what I say) with Bell, Book and Candle, that thou satisfy this my request, least in my fury I turn Renegado, & write a most lewd Ballad against thee, and that to some filthy tune, to thy no small dishonour: but if thine Excellence vouchsafe to answer mine expectation, I vow (by the life of Pharo) to offer upon thine Altar; (viz, a Featherbed and a Downe-pillowe) a Heccatomb of verses to be hung up in thy Temple (viz. A sweet Chamber without fleas, in memorial of thy perpetual praises: and when I awake, I'll wash my brains in Madera, and sing Madrigals in praise of thy person and power. Having fraught this my little Fleeboat, with such merchandise as I could meet with in the Isle, I found a prosperous wind in the East-south-East, which made meset sail, directing my conrse to the cape Bona Speranza, whichafter a few days I had (a far off) discovered, but before I could recover the point, I was checked with a northerly wind, which perforce drove me upon the coast of the Canaries, I'll of Dogs. where coming to an anchor, I was boarded by a couple of copesmates (called Zoilus and Momus) that have Authority there to search strangers: who dealt strangely with me indeed: but it was my pride to be pried into by them, being forewarned by many worthy men (whose card and compass I am not worthy to catty after them) of their paltry dealing. A second sort that assaulted me, was a cockboat laden with Coxcombs, that being not able to apprehend, would reprehend: whom after I had (with a volley of small shot, well pelted, I pardoned: for alas they did they knew not what. The third sort were a rapsedy of Rascals, that would frown or favour as they saw others affected: these detracting knaves would come off with their butts, ifs and and's, but and if I live (I will threaten nobody) but I know what I will do. The last were a company of the last edition, that took occasion to pove a confiscation of my Ship and goods, producing against me such a chapter, such a verse, against my commodities of profane jesting: etc. Assyrians. etc. These Martinists like salomon's fools, Pro: 26. c, & Esay. 5. they would feign be singular, and single they are, and so I left them. For Contempt and scorn are wits infirmity. Wherewith disdain and scoffs keeps company. Non mare transisset, pavidus si nauta fuisset. FJNIS.