MULLED SACK, His gratulatory thankfulness to Hic Mulier, for her dedication.  
IN recompense, sweet Heart, of thy sweet Book,  
My Picture I thee send, whereon pray look.  
All Maids, and Books, not thus rewarded be,  
Love hath a Tongue, although no Eyes to see.  
Then fairest fair, in this sweet little frame,  
My Heart and Self I prostrate to thy Name,  
Vowing my Sword, my yellow Band, and Feather,  
My smoking Pipe, Scarf, Garters, Roses, either  
With my spruce Boots, neat Horns, and all I give  
To thee, by whose sweet love, I breathe, reign. live.   

Mulled Sack: OR The Apology of Hic Mulier: To the late Declamation against her. Expressed in a short Exclamation. Non est mollis è terris ad astra via. Mulled Sack, Mulled Sack.   standing man 
LONDON Printed for Richard Mewhen, and are to be sold at his 〈◊〉 under Saint Clement's Church, and at Westminster Hall. 1620.   

TO MY PROFESSED FRIEND, MULLED SACK, None of the least of the ancient Society of Chimneysweepers.  
AFter I had wearied my unsettled brain, with the finding out of a fit Patron, or indifferent judge, for the defence or equal censure of my Apologetical answer, to a bitter Declamation, lately come abroad against me, I could hit of none more fit than your Gaffership, whose equal carriage, both to me, and Haec Vir (since I did first know you) hath been such, that it can be hardly judged, to whom you are most inclined. One day you wear yellow Bands, Feathers, Scarves; cuts your hair and powders it, paints your face so all the week, that upon Sunday, a pound of soap will not reduce it to the right colour; you dance, sing, and use other jovial conceits, wherein I (poor Wench) much delight; but when I look upon your Horns, your Garters, Roses, and other your Feminine masculine fashions, than I perceive you participate also with Haec Vir, and are indifferently affected to us both. Wherefore (good Gaffer) seeing Truth hath yielded itself to be the Client of my answer, let this poor Apology find such rich favour with you, that you will become Patron thereof, censuring this Exclamation of mine, rather by my passions and distractions, at the writing thereof, then by the judicious or formal digesting of it,  
In the doing whereof, you shall oblige me to continue  
Yours, so long as you correspond HIC MULIER.   

MULLED SACK: OR THE APOLOGY OF HIC MULIER.  
THe Title (being Hic Mulier) of your Declamation, gives me just cause, to rank you amongst those Thrasonical Cowards, who dare enter combat with none, but with the weak, unarmed, or dead. You have taken arms, not only against a Woman, 
Timiditas est, & quod maius est amittere, & quod minus est capere, Eurip. in Phoen.  but against the weakest of Women, yea so weak, that the breath of a Soldier is able to throw her upon her back; you have wounded a Man, but more to your shame, a dead Man. Before I come to my answer, let me expostulate a little with you; Who be these good Women, whom you so complementally magnify in your Declamation? or, where do they dwell? It appeareth to me you have been a traveller (therefore are Licentiate) and perhaps in the desert of Arabia, have seen some one, whom you grace with such excellencies; but that such a Phoenix should multiply to a worldfull of good Women, no man (except mad) will believe you.  
I do confess they are the Seminaries of propagation, the supporters of mankind, (as you rightly term them) and so are we. 
Perpetuum, & necessarium malum est mulier, Stob.  The greatest praise that (by the most wise) hath been given us thereby, is, that we are, mala necessaria, and that's all: your other Hyperbolical praises are paradoxes not proved. I do confess there be some (whom you call good) fair, and chaste, but those are commonly proud; some deformed and virtuous, those bee scolds; some sociable, those are yielding, not impregnable castles; 
Ego mulieri hoc unum credo, quod à morte non reviuiscat, Anlep.  sayleable, not unsayleable Rivers; movable not unmoveable Seas; Helpers, but not trusty; Sentinels, but sleepy; signs, but deceitful; true guides, but full of danger; Balms that seldom cure; honour's, but every day perishing, and such graces as Seneca never praised, but in his mad or doting age; or (as you say) with Sophocles presented them as they should be: but I with Euripides praise them as they are, and shall admire with you and say, O you rare good women, 
Rarum est mulieris beneficium, apud Stob.  you are modest when mild, young when virtuous, glorious when chaste; look not to find your name in this exclamation, but I shall write it with a pen of I know not what, and upon paper I know not where; I writ now with a Goose quill, on white paper, the deeds of a dull leaden age, blackish, I should say, brokish age.  
To come then to my answer, wherein I will overpass your fare borrowed epithets, and hellish comparisons applied unto us, and only will answer the more material points of your accusation; 
A similibus, similia non lu●…s fi●…r●, Arist. Rhet. ●●  and thereafter discover the abuses of Haec Vir whom you dare not point at, much less challenge.  
First, I answer that those imputations you do lay against me, are the chief summum bonum, the most honourable ends, the only virtues, I aim at, And therefore no marvel although envied, it hath been so à principio; for what greater glory can come to the masculine woman (as you term her) then to overrule her parents and husband? 
Mulieri imperare in parents, out maritam non concedit natura, Pub. Mim.  to be so pitiful that she cuts the hair of her head, to cover their shallow brains, or horns; so stout that she disarms the Marshal, degrades Knights by unspurring (or rather oft spurring) them; 
Antonius Silui● a Venetian, having a fair wife, devised a rare lock per la fica sua, which by her cunning and a false key (in his absence) did open and enjoy her Friend.  So industrious that she is become Painter, Apothecary, Chirurgeon, Barber, and what not: so cunning that she can open the rare Venetian Lock, infect your purse with want, and your body with the pox: so charitable that (although carried in a Cart) she will visit Friends, at plays, and Bawdi-houses: and finally, to be so precise, that she that hath not cut Hair, a Feather in her Hat, a painted Face, naked Breasts, open Skirts, Pistoles, or Poiniards, shall be bard her society.  
Secondly (to vindicate us from the aspersions of Novelty) I will by your own words, and other examples (ancient and modern) demonstrate the ancienty of Masculine Women: in the ninth line of your declamation, you say, that since the days of Adam, Women were never so masculine; whereby you covertly imply, that in the days of Adam, Eva, or some other was a Masculine Woman; but admitting there was none in that age, was not David, Solomon, Samson, ensnared with the beauty, overcome by the multitude, and betrayed by the policy of my sex? 
Mulieres ad bona ●…uide●… ineptissimae, malorum vero omnium effectrices sapientissimae, Eurip. in Med.  did not Tarpeia (in later times) betray the Capitol and her Country? Medea, kill her own Children in despite of her Husband? Was not Helen's lightness the cause of the ten years bloody war and destruction of Troy? did not Sylla steal her Father's hair, and give it to his Enemy? Biblis fell in love with her own brother; Myrrah, with her Father; Semiramis, with her son. These were Gallants in their time, & my dear kinswomen, by whom I hope you are satisfied for the ancienty of my Ancestors: I do confess at that time their number was fewer than now, yet sufficient to plead antiquities; but if in this age a general muster should be taken of Women, I am sure to draw up in Battle one hundreth Hos Foeminas for one Haec Foemina.  
Thirdly, in your description of the Masculine Feminine, you have erred from the Rules of a good definition, in reducing the general name of Haec Mulier, to those you call deformed monsters, by cutting their hair, wearing French doublets, having open breasts and false bodies: but I call a woman, 
Aequè facinori videtur obnoxius qui auxilium praestat agenti, & qui perpetratum facinus quasi iure factum collaudat, Plut. de cla. Mul.  of whatsoever degree, who exceeds the ends of her Creation, Hic Mulier.  
A Woman was created to honour her Parents, and obey her Husband; Fathers, to use their lawful authority over their Children; Husbands to overrule & command their Wives: as he therefore is an effeminate man, that transfers his birthright upon his Daughter or Wife, so is she a Masculine Woman that bereaves Parents of authority, 
A Muliere male regitur civitas, Arist. 1. Pol.  Husbands of supremacy, or debords from the modesty required in her sex: she then, that dare presume to overrule her Husband (or sometimes for his own good beat him) although she neither paint, cut her hair, or be deformed with new invented fashions, is notwithstanding Hic Mulier.  
She that spends more upon delicate cheer, or entertainment of a Sweetheart, in a month, than her Husband may allow her for a year, is, Hic Mulier.  
She who sitteth a gossiping till she be drunk, is, 

Mulier quae vini usum immoderatè appetie ut virtutibus cunctis tanuam claudit, ita & vi●ijs aperit, Max.  
Lingua modicum membrum, si refraenata non fuerit, totum corpus corrumpit, Bern. ad Soror.  
Aut appare quod es, aut esto quod appares, Chrys.   Hic Mulier.  
She whose tongue is able to set the whole world on fire, or whose looks, gesture, words, oaths, bewray her Luciferian pride, is, Hic Mulier.  
The Bawd that will bring you a quart of wine in a pottle pot, an old painted Whore in shape of a Country Wench new come to Town, is one of my kindred.  
The Puritan sister that will cry out against lose breeches, or painting, if she trade with a Brother (so the wicked do not see) is one of my Sisters.  
Item, She that keeps a mass Priest, rather for private Confession then public Devotion, is Hic Mulier.  
I have now answered generally those calumnies you do suggest against me, 
Sunt qui quod sentiunt etiamsi ostimum sit, invidiae metu non audent dicere, Cic. office.  and have supplied your lame description (with a full definition) of Hic Mulier. Now I will lay open your Cowardice by a survey of Haec Vir, whom (not contented with that description of the Feminine Man, lately set down in a conference I had with Haec Vir) I will more fully delineate.  
The definition of Haec Vir (in the signification I now take it) shall not only be extended to those young Fellows, who decks themselves up in effeminate fashions, Swears, Swaggers, haunts Playhouses, Dicing, Carding, Taverns, Tobacco shops, Alehouses, cousins Merchants and Tradesmen, to supply their never heard of prodigality; but to many others of your Masculine kind, and specially to those, whose names (according to my definition) are comprehended under the generalty of Haec Vir.  

Pastorum est vigilare super gregem propter tria necessaria, ad disciplinam, ad custodiam, ad preces, Bern. sup. Cant. ser. 42.  Imprimis, The Churchman that prefers pride, simony, or other worldly respects, before the cure of souls committed to his charge, is, Haec Vir.  
Item, The falsehearted Puritan, that (under the veil of devotion) will commit all villainy, take the forfeit of a poor man's bond, and dare affirm, that God sent it him: you shall know him by the ensuing livery. 
Vult hypocrita scire divina eloquia, nec tamen facere, vult recte loqui, nec tamen vivere, Greg. ●2. Mor.   
They run from church to church, through all the town,  
They wear a thin small ruff, or bare black gown.  
They fain to speak like Chickens when they peep,  
Or leer like Cats, when they do seem to sleep.  
They make long prayers, and goggle up their eyes,  
As if their zeal would tear God from the skies.  
They chide at every thing, we say, is good,  
(Excepting God) as Prince, as alms, as food:  
Christs-masse to name, but Christs-tyde, as it were  
Damnation, but the bare word Mass to hear.  
They speak to none that walketh in the street,  
Or with these words, God speed you, any greet.  
Not to look up, but fix on earth the eye,  
Apparent signs are of hypocrisy.  
God pleased is with plainness of the heart,  
And not with dumb shows of the outward part.  
Such is their life, such their Religion is,  
Where arts and words agree not, all's amiss.  
Item, The superstitious plotting Papist, 
Vindictam quam petuni Scripturae, prophetia est non vindicta, Aug. sup. Psal. 66. Amor & odium, & proprium commodum faciunt saepe iudicem non agnoscere veritatem, Arist. Rhe. 1. Maior plerumque lite quaestio est, Quint. Decl. 3. Paruo ab intio contentionem magnam hominibus avaritia suppeditat; hoc vero honesti homines maxime cau●ant vicinis fabricare, Eurip. in And.  and bloody jesuite.  
Item, The judge, who is corrupt with bribery, or over-swayed with greatness, or other respect, than justice.  
Item, The Lawyer, who (by too much studying Ploydon) can every day alter the Case, bastardise the fundamental Laws by wrested glosses, confirming one thing this day, and another tomorrow; that hath more wit than honesty, and serves only to empty his Client's Capcase, and fill his own.  
Item, The Pettifogger and Attorney, who wanteth both wit and honesty, liveth altogether by setting Neighbours together by the ears, are the andirons that holds up their Clients, till they be burnt to ashes, and yet are warmed themselves.  
Item, The Vintner, that (by sophisticating his rotten wines) makes no conscience to hazard the poisoning of his drunken guest.  
Item, The Tailor, that condemns the best part of his Clients garments to hell, consumes more paper in writing of a Bill, for a sure of clothes, than might serve for the conveyance of one hundred pounds Land.  
Now, if I did not pity your cowardliness, I am ready to cry out (if not scratch your face) for not daring challenge the base blood sucking Usurer, neither his slave the Broker.  

Peior civis existimatur foenerator quam fur.  The first is the Caterpillar of the Commonwealth, the overthrow of hospitality in the Country, of honesty and trading in Cities, the oppressor of the poor, the Leviathan that devours thousands; who (with the help of a Broker or Scrivener, brown bread and cheese) will devour ten, sometimes twenty Knights estates.  
These fellows are fit faggots for hell: and if I would (as you do) break Priscian's head, I could call the Usurer Hoc Vir, that is, Crudele, insatiabile, & inutile animal; fit for nothing but to be the subject, whereupon that ancient Roman Law, Fur condemnabatur in duplum, usurarius in quadruplum, should be executed: would to God, Clinías, that the Roman Law were in England received, where a poor Thief (for stealing some goods of small value) is hanged one hour, all merciless Usurers (who neither by threatening of God's Word, whereby they are excluded the Kingdom of Heaven, neither by humane Laws, willbe reclaimed) might be hanged two hours: this cure would either end them or mend them.  
The Broker (scorning to be called Usurer) will lend none money, at ten in the hundred, upon bond or security, but (for sooth) Sir if you will bring a pawn worth double the sum you desire, and make a bill of Sale, you shall have half, or sometimes the third of the value thereof: when you come to return the money, and receive your pawn, he will either persuade you to take some more money, (that it may lie till the year expire and it forseit) or tell you it is in a Chest, where he cannot come at it, or if (perchance) you have it, you must pay the ensuing Bill.  
Item, delivered to Mistress Spendthrift upon a bill of Sale, the first of januarie, 1618. for a Taffeta Petticoat, a Beaver Hat, Gold Band, Yellow Feather, a Fan, a pair of Silk Stockings, Garters, and Roses,— 3li.  
Item, for the bill of Sale— 1s.  
Item, for renewing the Bill every three months 3s.  
Item, for Sir Huighes office— 1s.  
Item, for nine months interest at 8d. the month for the pound— 18s.  
— Summa tot.— 01l.— 03s.— 00d.  
This fellow is so cruel, that he will encroach upon the very garments that shelter the poor and father less. I do know (Clinias) a poor Widow dwelling by me, here Long-lane, that hath four young Children, who for want hath been forced to engage (to one of those Cormorants) the Coverlet of her bed, for twelve pence, and coming at night to have it back, she could not have it without fourteen pence, and so in defect of two pence, she and her Children were exposed to the extremity of cold.  
O adamantine hearted broker, how darest thou profess thyself a Christian, that harbours such a Tiger's heart? It may be thou payest to some undiscovered Usurer, ten or more in the hundreth, but thou are not ashamed to take from thy Christian Brother above fifty; 
Turpia Incra & velox inopes trucidat, qui hoe utitur, super omnes mercantores maledictus, Chrys. sup. Matth.  I have heard of a people of Scythia who are so addicted to covetousness, that it is lawful for them to steal or purloin from strangers; but never did hear of any, that openly (unpunished) did prey upon their poor neighbours to satiate their greediness.  
It is not without cause (Clinias) that I rail thus against Usurers and Brokers; for (besides the general loss that redounds to the Country, the scandal to Christian profession, the complaint of all good men, and the utter overthrow of all charitable dealing amongst men) I have mine own private griefs, against them, and am not ashamed to tell you, that now there lieth at a Brokers in Barbican for small money, a Satin Petticoat of mine, richly laid with gold Lace, bordered with a deep fringe of gold, a Muff lined with rich Fur, and a Scarf, for all which I did pay thirty pounds and above: this money was borrowed from an Usurer upon the bond of Master Woodcocke my Husband, and goodman Goose our neighbour, the lease of our house pawned therewith: besides twenty shillings given to the Scrivener to procure the money  
I will now leave the City, and survey the Country, 

Dum pacis amans agrum intueor odi civitatem.  
Vita enim rustica maximè disiuncta est à cupiditate, & cum officio coniuncta Gic. pro Rosc.   from which, those of the Gentry that anciently did entertain hospitality, their servants and retainers, welcomed their friends, and were helpful to such of them as stood in need, are now come into Cities, turned Inmates, where (with their Coach and Footmen, or (if they be not able to keep a Coach) their Pander, Page, upon Whores, prodigal clothing, excessive diet) they spend all that formerly did maintain so many, venting more Smoke at their noses, then is in their Chimneys; are altogether estranged both in form, fashion and Condition, from the rules of virtue; making oftentimes but a puff of all that their fathers so carefully purchased.  
Those be of such (Giant like) strength, 
Prodigi sunt, quo pecunias aut patrimonia effuderunt in eas res, quarum memoriam aut brerem, an't nullam sunt relicturi omnino, Cic. 2. offie.  that by the help of a Merchant-Taylor, and jeweller, will undergo the burden of of a Coppie-hold upon their shooestrings, a Freehold upon their Garters, a Manor upon their shoulders, and a Lordship upon their heads.  
From such devourers of estates, doth arise the improving of lands, racking of Rents, destruction of ancient hospitality, and oppression of poor Farmers and Tenants. Is it not great pity that within these few years there be more householders in England beggared (or in hazard to be) then in five hundred preceading years? the Gentry having ever thought it their greatest treasure, to have their Farmers and Tenants able at home and abroad, in good fashion to attend their service: but now if a Farmer, by multitude of Children, great charge, bad years, death of Cattles, or other accidents (to which humane affairs are subject) become poor, strait comes some rich Grazier or remorseless Usurer, offers more for his Farm then it is worth; and being no sooner offered then accepted, the poor Tenant is thrust out of doors, and ofttimes the small remnant of stock he hath, seized upon for arrearages.  

justitiae est, esse eius distributivum tueri patrie consuetudines, instituta, & scriptas leges seruare; s●ctatur autem iustitiam & sanctitas, & veritas, & fides, Eurip.  Look to this, you senseless Landlords, whose now cauterised consciences one day shall tell you, have cruelly oppressed the poor, the bitter gall of whose tears (reserved by the Almighty for you) without repentance and amendment, you shall one day drink.  
Next unto the Gentry (the Arch-leaders of the troops of Haec Vir) are the justices of Peace, of that sort (I say, that sort, because there be others, whom for the upright discharge of their places, I do honour) who are either the relics of some old Usurer vp-start Knight, or broken Barrister, are themselves forestallers of Markets, hoarders up of corn, the overseers of false measures, and other enormities: and sometimes (without commiseration) if it were but for their Clerk's fee, will send a poor man to the Goal (although it should undo him) for not putting in Surety for his good behaviour, at the suit of some promoting Knave, whom he never offended; their chief aim in keeping Sessions and Meetings, is to find Alewives, Bakers, Butchers, and such others, as by private bribes have not bound them to silence.  


Who did ever see a prouder corpse than a Knave, riding on his Master's horse? Galf. chauc.  
Hosper non praedabile genus, Eurip.   Item, The saucy Constable, that by virtue of his Staff will abuse a better Subject than himself, and then charge him to the Peace in the King's name, as if he were authorized by his place to wrong his Betters.  
Item, The cheating Innkeeper (whereof it is likely there be some) who so racketh the Stranger or Guest, that before he come to the end of his journey, he cannot tell in which pocket his purse is.  
Item, The weatherbeaten Shepherd, whose cunning is to make his flock lose some of their wool before shearing time, 
Dic mihi Dameta, cuium pecus, an Moelebaei, Virg. Egl. 3.  can practice so with his neighbouring fellow-shepeard, that some of either flock (by cutting off their ears or other new badge) shall be discharged their Master's livery, and then put the fault upon the Fox, Captain Flood, or some unknown Thief.  
Item, The Miller, who thinks, the wearing of Sheep's satin, no pride; practices most upon Meal, Malt, and making of Horns.  
There be also both in Country and City, a monstrous brood of Feminine Masculine, the first whereof is a Drunkard, 
Ebrietas nihil aliud est, quam insania voluntaria, cor mutans, & mentem alienans, Greg. sup. 1. Reg.  having no more of a man but the shape. This fellow suggesteth to himself good-fellowship, recreation, or the bearing of much drink; loseth the use of reason (by which man is distinguished from beast) infects his soul with the leprosy of sin, his body with diseases, and his purse with contemptible want: O, more than beastly Vice to reign amongst Christians, which was not known to the Ethnics, as appeareth by one, thus complaining:  
Hos homines non putassent Ethnici, sed pertentosa hominum monstra & porcos, se vino obruentes atque ingurgiantes, ultra corporis mensuram, & ventris capacitatem, ad perdenda vina orti; verùm quod Ethnicis turpissimum, multis nostrae aetatis videtar valde gloriosum.  
The second (an inseparable fellow to Drunkenness) is blasphemy, 
Dico v●…bis ne iurate omnino, ne iurando ad facilitatem iurandi veniatur, de facilitate ad consuetudinem, de consuetudine in periurium, de periurio in infernum decidatur, Aug. contr. Mend.  simpathizing rather with the nature of Devils then of men, or beasts, using the tongue that ought to be the Herald of God his glory, to be the proclaimer of most horrible blasphemy against him, tearing his body, heart, and soul in pieces; this is the most accursed slave that liveth, who without any colour (as all other sins have) takes arms against Gods own person; he is accounted in this age (amongst Feminine men) the bravest Gallant, that can swear the most rare and new invented oath extempore: common oaths (that formerly were not heard, or so religiously looked unto, that a known swearer was barred all honest society) are now transferred upon Clowns, Watermen, Carre●men, and others of the meanest sort; who together with their Leaders (without earnest repentance) shall one day pay dear for such unnecessary Ware as they have taken at so so dear a rate: against whom the Satirist thus speaketh, 
Per Solis radios, Tarpeiaque fulmina iurant,  
Et Martis frameam & Cyrrhaei spicula vatis,  
Per calamos venatricis, pharetramque puellae,  
Quicquid habent telorum armamentaria Coeli.   

Animal inter omnia noxium est, inter mitia adulator, Bias apud Plut.  In the next place cometh the flatterer, rightly called the most cruel of tame beasts, he is no less hateful to the Wise, then beloved of Fools: he is the devourer of all such as trust him, the poison of truth, the impudent maintainer of false coloured lies, the enemy to upright dealing and honesty. He names lechery, true love; drunkenness, good fellowship; deceit, policy; cruelty, 
●…busu●… luge●…du●… quo vitae reputantu●… v●…tutes, apud Stob.  manhood; niggardly avarice, good husbandry. If his Patron be angry, he is mad, if merry, he laughs; if sad, (with the Crocodile) he weeps; if offended with his Friend, he persuades him never to be reconciled; if his master be a Musician, his flatterer love's music out of measure; if he be a Falconer, he love's hawking, although he cannot discern a Falcon from a Kite, neither himself from a Woodcock.  
This Chameleon can turn himself into all colours, following men's fortunes, not themselves, and is a dish fit for the Devil, then for a wise, noble, or generous mind. That you may know him by his habit, read the worthy saying of Aagapetus to justinian.  
Pellaces' adulatorum sermons averfare, ut coruorum rapaces mores: Illi namque Corporis effodiunt oculos, isti autem animi hebetant cogitatus, cum non permittant perspicere rerum veritatem: vel enim commendant, nonnunquam quae reprehensione digna sunt, vel reprehendunt plerumque quae omni laude sunt maiora, ut de duobus alterum ab ipsis committatur, vel pravorum laus, vel bonorum criminatio: sub aleatore passim luditur alea, sub bellaci bellaturiunt, sub commessatore luxu defluunt, sub ebrio ebrij sunt, sub libidinoso lenocinantur, sub crudeli deferunt ac calumniantur.  
In the next place succeedeth the most cruel of wild Beasts (too frequent in Country and City) called a Detractor. 
Detraectio amicitia venenum, patientiam nostram lingua viperea probans: bonum quod est, abscondit, & malum quod non est mentitur, Greg. serm. 65.  This Aesopical Fox buildeth his chief reputation upon the infamy of others; whom he may undermine or slander is his morning and evening meditation: he is as very a coward as you Clinias; his hottest pursuit is ever behind back, and his most deadly blows are with protestation of meaning no harm, or with a dissimulate commiserative pity of the party: He is most slavishly submiss, and knoweth the art of words so well, that he can shroud dishonesty under a fair pretext, and is like to him that preserves poison in a golden Vessel Finally, he is the most base amongst men, and to be excluded honest society, according to that of the Philosopher:  
Vir bonus & circumspectus aures Susurronibus & calumniat oribus praebere non debet, qui persaepe aures nostras ita praeoccupant innocentes criminando, ut difficillimum sit id ex praecordijs evellere, quod falsus criminator infixit.  
I could now join issue with you, that I have rightly named you Clinias; that I have proved those imputations you lay against us Masculine Women, are the most honourable ends we aim at, and that the description of Hic Mulier and Haec Vir is further extended then to the weakest of Women and most foolish of men: I am sure (although the jury were so covetous that ten Groats would move more than a just cause) if you keep your purse close, the Verdict will go on my side: but I am desirous to come to a more friendly end with you, by offering a reformation of those things you lay against me, and my kindred, provided that Haec Vir and his Friends shall perform the articles following.  
Imprimis, That such Church men, who (ut haec Vir) have gone out of the way, (laying aside Pride, Vainglory, Covetousness, and all other worldly respects) remember that they must answer for their charge, and hereafter feed their Flocks, 
In iudicio Pastores cum suis gregibus apparebunt, Gregor. Mor. 33.  and above all go before them in a good and unreprovable life, because good Examples edify more than Precepts, as it is well said to this purpose,  
Non est alia brevior aut efficacior ad corrigendos populi mores via, quàm regentis ipsius incorrupta vita; quae si turpibus contaminata flagitijs, etsi caput ipsum pestilens fuerit, latiùs tamen virus serpit.  
That all judges (if any such be) who have been corrupted with bribes, transported with revenge, 
Pluit vitium, ubi pluit aurum Greg. in Regist.  favour, or fear, have notice that he ought to face a man of courage, upright, and fearing God; that he is liable to punishment from God in the heavens, 
Pessimè iudicabuntur falsò iudicantes, Aug. sup. Psal. 25.  and his Prince upon earth. Let his chief meditation be upon the great charge of Vicegerency, committed to him from both; remembering what danger he is in here and hereafter, if his object be not justice, if he defend not the Poor, Widow, and Fatherless, oppressed by the Mighty: 
judicantes eadem ment praeditos esse oportet, qua legis latores Lisias, apud Stob.  if he square not his judgements sometimes rather by Conscience then Cases; if he prefer not the public good before his private gain, minister not by his life the due execution of Laws, and ever lay before him these four following grounds.  
1. judicium rectum verumque non cernit judex amore, odio vel pecania corruptus.  
2. judex sententiam haud proferre debet, nisi utraque parte diligenter audita; quod nisi fecerit, licèt aequum statuerit, haud tamen iustus erit.  
3. judicis officium est non tantùm res, sed & tempora perscrutari, quo peracto tutus erit.  
4. Heroes iustitiae ministri primùm ipsi sint iusti oportet, & immaculata prius omnis honestatis exemplaria, quàm importuni vitiorum correctores.  

Lis de rebus facile corruptibilibus celeriter determinari debet, vel res vende apud iurisconsultos, Plut. de Pol.  That such Lawyers who formerly have studied to continue suits, or have shared (by indirect means) in private benefit both from plaintiff and defendant, shall forth with recall themselves; lest I give this censure against them:  
In nullos severiùs animaduer tendum quàm in juris consultos ac officiarios, quorum pravitas, aut avaritia, rectè institutas leges ad pessimos usus detorquet.  

Publicae cont adictiones & controversia si officiariorum offensiones subducas leviores effici solent, Plut. de Pol.  That all Attorneyes and Pettifoggers (whereof there is greater store in every Market town, and in some Villages, then formerly hath been in a whole Country) who now strives (by setting neighbours at strife) for multitude of Clients, may either become peace makers, or discharge the trust reposed in them, or then acknowledge that they maintain this Maximum.  
Lucrum, pudori praestat, & lucri bonus odor è re qualibet.  
That all Puritans (who think every idle suggestion consonant to their burning brains lawful, 
Novitas contra Ecclesiae ritum non placet, est enim matter temeritaris, soror superstitionis, & filiae levitatis, Bern. in Epist.  can see nothing in others but (through the glass of prejudicate opinions, deformities and abuses) submit themselves to the uniformity of spiritual and civil government, lest this saying of Greg. Naz. be justly applied to them:  
Tanquam de Deo ac re omnium maxima saluteque ipsa primariaque spe certamen habentes, atque obsequium non pietatem sed veritatis proditionem interpretantes, omnia antè proiecerint, quàm opiniones quas dome secum afferunt.  
That all plotting Papists, seminary Priests, 

Omne fidoi dogma sacris scripturis non congruens superstitiosum est,  
Chrys. Hom. 1. Omnibus est odio erudilitas & amori pictas, Gic.   bloody jesuites, hoarded in Country and City, take their oath of allegiance, embrace the truth, become good Subjects, by forsaking devilish imaginations, superstitious and humane traditions, or then retire themselves to Rome, keeping this Warrant: 
Roma quid insanis? quid in impietate triumphas?  
Quid nectis frauds? stupráue faeda colis?  
Concubitus vetitus cordi est, puerilis amorque,  
Impurus cultus, vana superstitio?  
Dicitur illa quidem meretrix & adultera turpis,  
Agnoscit plures quae vitiata viros.  
Illa urbs non aliter, coluit quae numina plura,  
Scortum est: hoc Babylon, impia Roma facit.  
Vrbs Romana potest meretrix Babilonia dici,  
Quae coluit spreto numina plura Deo.  
Illa deos coluit plures, simulacra laresque,  
Quaestum, divitias, gaudia falsa, dapes;  
Pompas, luxuriam, ventrem, puerosque dolosque  
Atque malos genios, stupra, venena, lupas.  
Papae fuit quondam meretrix, peperitque platea,  
Cuius Imago tibi Romae stat conspicienda.  
Roma diu titubans, longis erroribus aucta,  
Corruet, & mundi desinet esse caput.   
That all Citizens, Merchants, and Tradesmen, from the highest to the lowest (that fight under the colours of Haec Vir) neither sophisticate their wares, neither sell them at higher rates, 
Nemo habet iniustum lucrum fine iusto damno, Aug serra. 48.  than (with reasonable gain) they may maintain their charge; but more specially that they sell no rotten Pepper, Ginger, Clones, and other Indian trash, at double rate, to young heirs upon statutes; lest by a former conveyance they lose both principal and interest; because 
judice me fraus est, concessa, repellere fraudem,  
Armaque in armatos sumere iura sinunt.   

In hac artium sola evenit ut unicuique medicum professo, statim credatur, cum sit periculum in nullo mendacio maius, Plin. sent. 29.  That good examination and trial precede the admission of Doctors of Physic, Apothecaries, Surgeons, and Empirics that are of this order; lest they kill more in a year than they cure in twenty, and give their Patients just cause to pray: Amedico indocto libera me Domine.  
That all Usurers and Brokers, 
Habes, ne foenereris quia non indiges: non habes, ne foenereris quia satisfacere non potes, Plut. de Vsur.  leave their biting bargains, and either convert their monies to honest purchase, husbandry in the Country, or adventure it upon more lawful trade in the City; by virtue of the following reasons.  
Tollendus penitus Faenerator, ne (sub quovis praetextu populi detrimento) foedissimum illud vitae genus exerceatur: quisquis enim pecuniae studium tollet, vitiorum neruos resecabit: ubi enim pecuniae amor, ibi fides, probitas, pudor, amicitia, & omnia bona vilia sunt.  
That such of the Gentry as are unjustly dispossessed of their country habitations (by jacke-dawes, 

Infestissima hominibus possessio est ager, apud Stob.  
Primum luxuria civitates ingreditur, deinde saturitas, postea contumelia, postea exilium, Thucid.  
Quicquid pauperi dederis, tu habebis: quicquid non dederis, alter habebit, Pet. Rau.   Owls, and night-crows) shall presently repossess themselves and keep residence till their Prince's service or some other urgent necessity withdraw them; banish all prodigal charges, (to which Cities are most subject) and in lieu thereof maintain frugal hospitality, educate their Children religiously, be a comfort to their friends, repair the now decayed estate of poor Farmers and Tenants, and invest themselves in the true nobilitate virtues of their ancestors; for nobility without virtue, is a shadow without substance, according to the Stagiricke saying:  
Nobilitas est quaedam maiorum claritas & laus veniens de meritis parentum; sed ea natiwm decus suum in filijs amittit, si parentum virtutibus non responderint; nam nobilitas cognatorum nobis non prodest, nisi fuerimus nos ipsi boni; quanto enim vita, maiorum praeclarior, tanto posteriorum socordia flagitiosior est.  
These above named are the chief persons whose reformation shall bind us Masculine Women to the good behaviour: others there be whom I will not grace, by covenanting with them, because they are almost (if not altogether) past hope of recovery, and therefore I exclude them from any benefit of this agreement.  
First, the Informer and promoting Knave (amongst a thousand of whom one honest man is hardly found) whose first institution was to inform the King's Courts of abuses prohibited by Law; for which service the half of such fines as by the Law (by their information) was recoverable, was allowed to them; but this commendable beginning is so depraved and inverted by the multitude of intruding Vagabonds (projecting nothing but their own benefit) that the innocent are rather troubled then the guilty punished, 
Iniquum est ut nocens poenam evadat, atque ut innocens plectatur, Quintil.  compositions drawn before trial, the King defrauded, and his Courts abused;  
Item, all hard hearted jailors who (like the Cat) plays with his trembling prisoner, 
Maxima pars hominum qui carceribus praeferuntur, situt illu subiecti, praedae sunt, ita illi (fine resipiscentia) saepe diabolo, apud Stob.  so long as his purse is able to defray their exorbitant exactions, & then preys so upon his decaying body, that within short time his obstinate Creditor may make Dice of his bones  
Item, All bankrupt Sergeants and Bailiffs, the jailors bloodhounds, that (at Chancery Lane end, the Exchange, Fleetstreet, Strand, Kings-street, 
Licet enīm officium quod praestant necessarium sit, tamen qui contra pietatem tale offis ium exercent pro nebulonibus sunt habendi, Reinb. Lor. Homines non facile decipiuntur, nisi in eo quod nesciunt, aut in eo, cuius cognitio non est valde manifesta. Arist. Motaph. 4.  and elsewhere throughout England) hunts more greedily after a decayed Debtor, than the Lion or Wolf after a slow Ass, or innocent Lamb.  
Item, All cheating Horse-coursers, who (by tricks and oaths) sell lame jades, fatted by grames or other trash, to ignorant strangers, or purse-beaten travellers, at greater price than the skin and shoes are worth.  
Item, The ingrained Ostler, who sells his Hay by the bottle (or rather bootfull) can furnish six pecks out of a bushel of Market measure at double rate, and (if he hath not anointed the Travellers Horse teeth) will draw the best part of his allowance back to the Osterie; and if this serve not, will pick a shoe from your Horse, break your Bridle, steal your Girth, or give notice of the weight of your Cloak-bag, lest he fail in correspondence with his ancient confederates, the Smith, Sadler, and high way Robber.  
Item, All highway Rogues, that sells calico for Cambric, watered white iron hilts for hatched silver, Dutch sixpenny blades for upright Toledoes, deceives young Novices and old Gulls with trash, imposture, and deceitful ware.  
Item, All counterfeit strong Beggars, 
Elcemosyna ad necessitatem non ad pigritiam accip end 1, Aug: de oper. Mon.  who (by highways and other places) go lame all day, and whole at night.  
Now, to untie all that I have knit up in this Exclamation, I do advice all such that may come under the name of Haec Vir, or (who misgovernes themselves, and are the stumbling blocks whereupon others fall, 

Durum est, ut qui nescit tenere moderamina vitae suae, iudex fiat vita aliena, Chrys.  
Parere filios necessitatis opus, rectè autem educare pij amoris, Eurip. apud. Stob.  ) first remove those misty clouds of darkness, that now overshadowes their own sight, and then boldly presume to clear the eyes of others; that they go before us in embracing of virtue, and shunning of vice, and by good education enter us in the paths of modesty, from which now we are estranged: and then (without doubt) we that are the weaker Vessels (now only misled by the oversight of careless Parents, or indulgence of effeminate husbands, are let lose to all licentiousness) shall in short time cast off all such deformities, wherewith you now tax us. And so (because I must make me unready and go to a mask) I bid you good night.  
FINIS.