Scoggins jests. WHEREIN is declared his pleasant pastimes in France; and of his merriments among the Friars: full of delight and honest mirth.  
LONDON, Printed by Ralph Blower dwelling on Lambert hill near old Fish street 1613.   
Certain merry jests of Scoggin, translated out of French.  

How Scoggin was banished out of England.  
Upon a time there was a Goldsmith, of the City of London, that had a faite maid to his daughter with whom Scoggin fell in love, and did long time seek to win her to his pleasure, whom he hunted in all places where she went: not withstanding she slatly denied him, which bred the greater fire to his beastly desire, and therefore in an evening as this maid went some two mile or, to a house that her Father had, Scoggin met her by the way attired in blue Sarsenet, set all over with little stars of gold having a lawn over his face, and with a counterfeit voice showed her that he was some strange fortune teller: declaring unto her that strange misery would shortly fall upon the people of the City for their sins, with many other speeches touching the same purpose, and further willed her to show it to the people that they might with fasting and prayer pacify God's anger, telling her withal how she had refused the love and friendship of a good and virtuous man named Scoggin: who in the same place (a little before) made suit unto her for that she denied him, and therefore if be sought any thing a● her hands hereafter, that she should obey him, and there should great happiness follow her by it, and withal charging her that she should not discover it to any creature living: the simple wench believed all for truth, and delivered it as a prophesy to her acquaintance to forewarn them of that which should happen amongst them: for the which cause (many at the first feared much, and in the mean time this poor wench yielded to his wantonness, which was shortly after spied by the wenches great belly, and the practise discovered, 〈◊〉 which cause Scoggin was brought before the chief Magistrates, and according to the law was for ever banished the land, as he was well worthy.   

How Scoggin made an Oration at Calis.  
BEing thus banished England Scoggin clothed himself like a Scholar, and crossed the Seas from Dover to Calis: whether being come and lacking money: he laid a wager with one of the Burgomasters, that he would make an oration in the middle of the market place, which should make one half of his auditors to laugh, and the other half to weep, for the which purpose and for the winning of his wager he put on a garment that was very short behind, without any briches at all, he entered up to a high Scaffold wherein the midst of the audience, he did so vehemently set forth the story of the woeful destruction of jerusalem, that the whole assistance wept tears at the pitiful remembrance of it, which Scoggin perceived he then laid his hands a cross and seeming to show a great devotion he bowed his head so low, and lifted up his tail so high, as he discovered his back side, provoking all those that sat behind him to laughter, which was in my mind a pleasant part to win a drunken wager with all,   

How Scoggin played the Phision.  
SCoggin traveling further up into the Country of France he lodged in an old Abbey of Nuns, where there was one of them named Isabel who being a sweet smooth faced girl, had by chance a great grief in her thigh, and was greatly troubled therewith for the space of five months (and in the end acknowledging her unworthiness to pray unto God or to be heard of him,) she prayed to S Dominick that he would be a mediator between God and her, that she might recover her health: after which the devotions, Scoggin perceiving the matter how it went, appareled himself like to S. Dominicke, and came to her in her sleep, and with annointment that he had be anointed her thigh, and made her whole▪ & when she asked the name of so precious a remedy, he answered that it was the ointment and balm of love for the further judgement thereof, I leave it to the description of the Reader whose conceit therein, I suppose will join with mine.   

How Scoggin got himself an Office.  
WIthin a while after this: Scoggin came into Pickardie where lived a Knight of great livings and had many good offices in the house, of which Scoggin had great desire to have one, whereby he might the better maintain himself: whereupon he oftentimes made great suit to the Steward and other chief officers in the knight's house, and withal giving them still some one present or other, desiring him evermore to remember him and they did answer him always with one voice, saying, stay awhile and thou shalt have the first place that is voye. But still when it came to the pinch, there was always some excuse or other, either that the office was too great, or that it was too little, and he should have a better, or that they were constrained to give it to some of their brethren's kinsmen and without fail he should have the next that did fall and with these words they kept Scoggin still off, so that the time went away, and he served in the Knight's house without any reward: in the end Scoggin perceived himself never the nearer, nor one whit the better but that he lost his time, his money & his pains determined to make no longer suit but studied how to flout them for their ungratefulness: whereupon after this when he espied convenient time, he came to the chiefest among them, and prayed them one after another to dine with him the next Sunday following at a house of one of his friends, for he could do no less then bestow a banquet of them in regard of their good wills towards him: They promised him one after an other to come together but yet fearing to have a slender dinner of Scoggins provision, giving better credit to his words then his kitchen, each of them sent his several dish of meat afore hand, the which Scoggin took and put all together in a great pot, but God knoweth in what order, for one had sent a Capon in stewed broth, another Chickens in white broth, another powdered Beef and Lurnups, another a leg of Mutton and such like some sent their meat sodden and some roasted: when the steward and his fellows came to dinner and saw this kind of service, they had no stomachs to eat, but carried each man to so when their own meat should come in. Scoggin went to and fro very busy, as one that was careful to see them all served, but at last one of them said, I pray thee Scoggin take away these porridge and give us the meat that we sent hither, why these are yours (quoth he) ours said they? that they are not yes truly quoth he to one, here is your beef & turnips, to another he is your stewed broth, to another here is your white broth & so forth, now truly said they we were never thus used, now the devil take all, for I thought this fool would mock us: now I pray thee quoth one, where didst thou learn to put our meat thus together for being by itself alone it had been good, but mixed thus together it is quite spoiled & right nought: even so (quoth Scoggin) are you my Masters, for when you be each alone by yourselves▪ there is nothing better than you are, for than you promise mountains, but when you are together, you are nought like your postage, and will perform nothing. They all perceiving well what he meant, said unto him, ha Scoggin, we know well to what end this thy doing was, thou hast good cause to be considered: But in the mean time shall we not dine? Yes that you shall said he, better than you are worthy: then brought he them forth other meat that he had provided, and set before them, wherewith they were all pleased: thus when they had well dined, they went away and concluded, from that time forth that he should be made an officer in the knights house, the which was done, for he was within few days made chief warrener of all the Knights Parks and Forests: And thus his invention and device of pottage did prevail more than all his importunate suits before time.   

How Scoggin feasted the Knight his Master.  
THis Knight was a bachelor and delighted much in Soggins merriments, for in his lodge he would always keep good cheer, as commonly most warriners do and withal a cup of good wine, and now and then a pretty wench to pleasure the Knight his master, so upon a time this youthful knight sent him word that he would come the next day to supper to him in his lodge, but he would have him to provide nothing but light meats, because he found himself not well at ease, Scoggin sent him word that he should be very welcome, and by and by he provided good store of calves skins, and sheep skins, & put them all to boil in a great pan minding therewith to feast the knight his master, when supper time came and his Master set at table, at the first mess he set before him, these ●odden calf skins: to whom the knight said: what meat is this thou bringest me? what dost thou mean thus to mock me, Sir quoth Scoggin you sent me word yesterday that I should prepare for your worship light meats, but when it came to the dressing they went all to the bottom of the pan until at the last I found these skins that swum above the water, and they are therefore the lightest meat that I could find qd. the knight thou wast never good in all thy life, nor never willbe: well sirrah for this knavish trick I will teach thee with wham thou haste to jest: Scoggin notwithstanding had provided other kind of meat for his masters supper the which he caused to be brought forth and did so well use the knight his master, that he was therewith well pleased, and forgave Scoggin for this time and so departed after supper again home to his own house.   

How the Knight was lodged in Scoggins house.  
ANother time as the aforesaid K. had been a hunting he grew belated, and because he would not ride home in the night he and all his train intented to lodge in Scoggins house for that night: whereupon after the Knight had supped with that he found there made ready he withdrew himself to rest: but Scoggin that knew his masters complexion provided him a tender pidgion to lie withal at night the Knight going to bed well pleased with this his diet, had Scoggin use his men no worse than he used himself, and likewise (quoth he) let my Horses be as well used as myself too, for I do put my trust in thee: Scoggin forgot not these words, but took his leave of his master till the next morning, and as he helped him to a bedfellow, so had he for each of his men a Gos●ip, that they might be used no worse than their Master: and likewise sent strait unto the next town, to borrow good store of Mares, and within a short time, he found enough to serve his turn, the which Mares he put amongst the Knights great horses which began to fling, kick, and keep a soul stir, insomuch that the horse-keeper was feign to forsake his sweet heart. to appease the broil betwixt the horses and Mares. The next day in the morning the Knight would needs know what ailed his Horses to keep such a coil in the night: The horse-keeper thought to have excused the matter but could not: Sir quoth the Horse-keeper, the occasion was because Scoggin had put Mares to your stand Horses, whereupon the knight presently sent for him, and rebuked him with many reproachful words, saying, wretch that thou art, wilt thou always play the knave with me in this manner? thou hast spoiled my horses and yet thou carest not: why (quoth Scoggin) said you not yesternight to me, that your horses should be as well used as yourself: I have done the best that I could do to them, they have had Day and Dates their belly full, and they have had straw uppe to the hard belly, so that they wanted but each of them their female which your worship had yourself, and therefore I sought them the like in the next town. Now a vengeance on thee thou ungracious varlet, said the Knight. dost thou tell me of such things, hold thy peace, we will reckon together, and then I will reward thee according to thy beings and so went his way for that time and left Scoggin there devising in his crafty mind, how to get his good will and favour again, but so it happened that within two or three days upon a further displeasure which Scoggin wrought by his too much rashness, that he was put out of services, and sent away to seek himself a new Master, thus you may see, how a man may lose that in an hour that was not got in a year.   

How Scoggin was hired to be a Horse courser's servant with whom he dwelled.  
AS Scoggin after this came into a country village, there came unto him a certain horse-courser that hired him to be his man, who said unto Scoggin that he should live merrily, and eat of the same meat and drink that he himself and his wife did, and that he should do all things with half the labour that other servants did, so Scoggin was content to serve him: within a while after the Horsecourses wife dressed a couple of Chickens for her husband's dinner, and had Scoggin turn the spit, and so he did, but when the Chickens were enough he pulled one of them from the spit, and eat it up without any bread: of which the good wife complained of to her husband, who presently came unto his man Scoggin and said unto him? Sirrah what is become of the other Chicken? marry quoth Scoggin I have eaten it; for you said that I should eat and drink of the same that you and your wife did: therefore I have eaten one of them, and the other I leave for you and your wife, for I was afraid, that you should have offended God in breaking the promise you promised me: wherefore I have divided them betwixt us equally. Then said his Master, sirrah, I care not for the Chickens, but I would have you please my wife and do after her commandment, marry so I will quoth Scoggin, whereupon ever after this, when she had him do anything he did but half, for when she had him fetch a bucket of Water, he went and brought it but half full of Water, and when he should bring two logs to the fire, he brought but one, and when he should give the beasts two bottles of hay he gave them but one, and when he should fetch a pot full of beer he brought it but half full, and so he did of many other things more. Then complained she again to her husband of Scoggins knaveries, who came unto him, and said, sirrah I bad you should do what she commanded you, Scoggin answered, I have done as ye bade me, for you said to me when I was hired, that I should do all things with half the labour that other servants did: with that the horsecourer laughed, and then said his wife: If you keep this ungracious knave any longer. I will not tarry with you, but depart away: then he turned Scoggin out of his service for his wives sake.   

How Scoggin set a whole town together by the cares.  
AT Easter following Scoggin came to the same Village again, at which time the Parson of the town (according to the order of the popish Clergy would needs have a stage play,) and as in that age the whole earth was almost planted with superstition & idolatry, so such like profane pastimes was greatly delighted in, especially plays made of the Scripture at an Easter, as I said before) the Parson of the Village would have a play of the resurrection of the Lord, and for because the men were not learned, nor could not read, he took a leman that he kept (having but one eye) and put her in the grave of an Angel which when Scoggin saw, he went to two of the simplest fellows in the town, that played the three Maries: and the Parson himself, played Christ with a banner in his hand. Then said Scoggin to the simple fellows when the Angel asketh you whom you seek? you must say the Parson's leman with one eye, so it fortuned that the time was come that they must play. and the Angel asked them whom they sought? Marry quoth they, as Scoggin had taught them, we seek the priests leman with one eye, which when the woman heard, she arose out of the grave, and all to be scratched one of the poor fellows by the face that played one of the three Maries: Whereupon he sound buffeted her about the ears, the priest seeing this threw down his banner and went to help his leman, with that the other two fell upon the Priest, the clerk likewise took the priest's part, and many other of the parishioners on ehe contrary side, so that in short time the whole town lay together by the ears in the middle of the Church, which when Scoggin perceived he went his way out of the village and came no more there.   

How Scoggin made the country people offer their money to a dead man's head.  
Upon a time when Scoggin lacked maintenance and had gotten the displeasure of his former acquaintance by reason of his crafty deelings and unhappy tricks▪ he bethought himself in what manner he might get money with a little labour, so traveling up into Normandy, he got him a priests gown and clothed himself like a Scholar, and after went into a certain Churchyard, where he found the skull of a dead man's head, the which he took up and made very clean, and after bore it to a Goldsmith, and hired him to set it in a stud of silver, which being done, he departed to a village thereby, and came to the Parson of the Church, and saluted him, and then told him that he had a relic, and desired him that he would do so much for him, as to show it unto the Parish, that they may offer to it and withal promised the Parson that he should have the one half of the offerings: The Parson moved with covetousness granted his request, and so upon the Sunday following told his Parishionars thereof, saying that there was a certain religious scholar come to the town that had brought with him a precious relic: and he that would offer thereunto, should have a general pardon, for all his forepast sins and that the Schotler, was there present himself to show it them: with that Scoggin went up into the pulpit, and showed the people the relic that he had, and said to them that the Head spoke to him, and that it bade him that he should build a Church over him, and that the money that the church should be builded withal should be well gotten: But when the people came to offer so it Scoggin said unto them all you women that have made your husband's cuckolds, I pray you sit still and come not teoffer, for the head had me that I should not receive your offerings, whereupon the poor men and their wives came thick & thréesould to this offering, and there was not a woman but she offered liberally, because that he had said so, and he gave them the blessing with the head: and there was some that had no money that offered their rings and some of them that offered twice or thrice because they would be scene: Thus received he the offerings both of the good and the bad, and by this practice got a great sum of money: After this when they had all offered, and were departed home: Scoggin went to the parson and divided the offering and gave him a part thereof, where with the parson was well content: And the women there about made very much of Scoggin and maintained him along time amongst them.   

How Scoggin deceived a Vintner at Paris in France.  
Upon a time after Scoggin was come unto Paris the chief city in France, he heard tell of a wine, drawer that was so prond and arrogant in all his doings that few men could endure his company, and it was reported that there was no man that could deceive him or overreach him by wit, whereupon Scogin thought in his mind how he might deceive him, & then he took 2. gallon bottles the one full of water, & the other quite empty, the bottle of water he hid under his cloak that no man saw it, and so went with the empty bottle in his hand and gave it the Vintner to fill with Wine, the which he did, and when it was full he brought it up to Scoggin and gave it him, and then in the mean time whilst the Vintner looked aside, Scoggin took the bottle of water from under his cloak and put the wine in the place, and then asked the price of it. Marry quoth the vintner it comes to eighteen pence, than qd Scoggin it is too dear for me, for I have but twelve pence in my purse, and so gave him again the bottle of water in steed of the wine, the which he took all in anger and bore it down again into the seller, and powered out the water into the vessel which he thought to be Wine, and then came and gave Scoggin the empty bottele saying: make you me to fill wine, and have no money to pay for it, belike you think to make me a fool, no quoth Scoggin you make a fool of yourself, & with that word he went away with the bottle of wine and drunk it merrily amongst his companions   

How Scoggin got a twelve months board of an Innkeeper.  
SCoggin remaining still in Paris, was greatly beloved for his subtle wit & crafty deceits by which means he got such favour of an-Inkéeper there, that he had meat drink, & lodging a whole year upon credit, at the years end, the Innkeeper demanded his money or a surety for the payment thereof, the which Scoggin promised to do, so gathering his wits together for the discharge of his debt, Scoggin goes unto a certain doctor of Physic, & said unto him good sir this it is, mine host where I lie, and have this 12. month, was taken this night with an evil spirit, now I desire you if you can by physic to help him thereof, and you shallbe well rewarded master doctor, that would by the help of God cure him thereof, and that very shortly: but (quoth Scoggin) you must tarry two or three days before you take him in hand, for it may not be done in haste: therefore I will go fetch his wife, that she may hear your promise, so Scoggin departed home to his boast, and told him that he had found a surety for his debt, and it was master Doctor Dole a neighbour of his, whereof the Innkeeper was joyful and sent his wife with Scoggin to witness Master Doctors promise, and being both come to his house, Scoggin said unto him, and please you M. Doctor hear is the man's wife that I told you of, I pray you say unto her as you said unto me, marry that I will qd. he, and help her husband too, but I pray you good wife (qd. the doctor) let your husband be content for at 3. days end i'll come to him and perform your request in all things. Upon this promise away, went the woman with a merry heart to her husband, and told him that Master Doctor at three days end would fulfil your desire upon this, the Innkeeper reckoned with Scoggin, and so parted friends. Now at the three days end he sent his wife to the Doctor for this money, who came unto him & asked him for the debt he had promised to pay for Scoggin. Why quoth the Doctor did your Husband bid you say these words to me? he did (quoth she) then said the Doctor, that is the false devil within him that would have the money: then said she what false Devil mean you? give me my money: Then said the Doctor, it was told me that your husband was possessed with a Devil, go, bring him to me and by the Grace of God I will help him, whereupon the woman all in an anger hies her home, and tells her husband of the Doctor's speeches, who sitting then by the fire side, where meat was roasting: in a fury up he gets, and takes spit and toast, and all, & runs to the doctor's house like a madman, thinking to run him through. The Doctor seeing him, was afraid, and called to his neighbours to help him to take the man that was so beset with the devil. The Innkeeper still cried knave give me my money: the Doctor still answered, avoid sathan: the neighbours they can betwixt them, and kept the Innkeeper from spitting the doctor. The subtlety of Scogin at last being brought to light, they held themselves satisfied, but as long as the Innkeeper lived he asked still for his money, but the Doctor answered him still, that he ought him nought, and nought he would pay him, but always said, if you be taken with a devil, I shall help you thereof, but never after loved they one another.   

How Scoggin gave a Dutchman a Purgation.  
SCoggin traveling between Paris and Orleans in France he happened to lodge in a country Inn where many Hollanders likewise lodged, & Scoggin brought with him two Eggs which he roasted for to eat, for he was sickly and weary with travel, and could eat no flesh, which when one of the Hollanders perceived, he said unto him is it even to my friend, will not your Hostess' meat serve you, but you must bring meat with you? and with those word he took the Eggs and roundly supped them up, and when he had so done, he gave Scoggin the shells again, saying, hold here is thy box, but the relics be gone whereat all the rest of the guests laughed hearty: and so did Scoggin himself, who in revenge thereof, went presently into the next room, and fetched a fair Apple and cut all the coat thereof, and put therein a strong purgation, and after roasted it in the fire, which being done, he cut in pieces upon his frencher, and strewed it all over with the powder of Ginger, and so setting it upon the Table he went his way as though he would have fetched more: but assoon as he had turned his back, the Hollander took the Apple and eat it in as great haste as he did the Eggs before, and by and by, he fill to parbreaking, and cast up all in his belly, and was so sick thereof, that the host, and all his guests thought that he would have died of the Apple. Then said Scoggin to the guests, be not afraid of him, for it is but a little purgation that I have given him, and the roasted apple I see is an enemy to the Eggs, and will not let them rest in his maw, but that they must needs come out again, whereat the guests made good sport and laughed hearty, when the purgation had wrought what it would the Hollander amended, and after said to Scoggin, roast, eat what thou wilt, & for i'll neve eat any more with thee again.   

How Sooggin frighted his host with the skin of a dead Bear.  
THE hest of the aforesaid Inn was a merry disposed mocking fellow, and in a vain glory still commended his own boldness, but so it fortuned the same night whilst Scoggin remained there, there came riding late in the evening three Merchants of Paris to the said Inn, but because it was very late ere they came there, the host of the house angrily asked them where they had been so late, for (quoth he) it is no time now to take up your Inn. Then the Merchants answered, be not angry sir I pray you, for we have been hunted with a wild Bear, and could not escape him till even now. Then quoth the Innkeeper in mockage to them, what a shame Gentlemen is it for you three to be hunted with one Bear: Now I tell you what, if there came ten Bears to me (being but one) in the field, I would have slaike them every one, and thus mocked he the Merchants all supper while.  
Scoggin sitting by the fire side, and hearing all this, after supper concluded with the Merchants, to overreach the hest in his own scoffs: whereupon Scoggin went into the town and brought a bears skin, that was but newly dead, and privily brought it into his chamber: and when the Innkeeper and all his household were gone to bed, he stuffed the bears skin with straw, and dressed him with sticks, to make it stand stiff, and put two children's shoes in his mouth: and after set him up in the Hall as though he had been alive: This rested till the middle of the night, and then Scoggin bade the Merchants call very earnestly for drink, the which they did▪ Whereupon the host called up his maid to fetch them some, who lighted a Candle, and going into the hall▪ she spied the Bear with two children's shoes in his mouth, wherewith she was so frighted that she ran down into the Cale-house and hid herself, thinking that he had eaten up both her masters children. Then called the Merchants again for drink, whereat the host commanded him man to arise, who likewise going into the Hall and seeing the Bear, for fear let fall his Candle, and ran into the Seller, thinking the Bear had eaten up the maid.  
Then called the Merchants the third time, and desired the host himself, to fetch them some drink, for they said as yet that no body came or else to give them a candle, and they would draw it themselves: with that the good man arose himself, for he thought that both his man & his maid were fallen asleep again, and then lighted he a candle, and went likewise down into the hall, where he spied the Bear and was so frighted therewith, that he fell unto the ground, and cried out mainly to the Merchants for help, saying. that the Bear had eaten both his man and his maid, who hearing their master call for help, came up suddenly to help, so did the Merchants who exceedingly laughed at this hardy man, that would have slain ten Bears, and yet was made afraid of one dead Bears skin: when the Innkeeper saw that it was done in mockery, he was so ashamed that he witted not what to say, and so went to bed: and then in the morning arose the Merchants and paid their charges, and so road their ways, and after this, never would the Innkeeper boast of his manhood any more.   

How Scoggin answered to all manner of questions that was asked him.  
AFter this Scoggin came unto the city of Cane in Normandy where William the Conqueror King of England was buried, and there set up bills up and down the town, upon every post and Church door, that he would give a right answer to every question that was put unto him: whereupon came many learned men unto him: whereof there was one that asked him how many Gallons of water was in the Sea? Then answered Scoggin, Stop all the Rivers that do run into it and then I will measure it, and tell you justly how many gallons there he: then thought the other that it was impossible to do, and so was content with that answer: Then asked he Scoggin another Question, which was this. How many days were past since Adam's creation till this time? Marry qd Scoggin there be but seven days past: for when the week is done, beginneth still another seven days, and so forth to the end of the world. Then said the other, now fell and the third question, which is? Where is the middle of the world? then answered Scoggin to him: That is here in the middle of this house: for if you will not believe me, take a chord and measure it: whereat the proposer grew angry, and asked him how far was the earth from heaven? Why quoth Scoggin that is hereby, let me sing never so softly: here, but it is heard in heaven, and if you will not believe me: take a Ladder and go up into heaven, and I will here speak very softly: and then if you hear it not I will lose my credit. Then quoth the other, how wide is heaven? and how broad is it? Why quoth Scoggin, it is twelve thousand mile broad: and ten thousand mile wide, and if you will not believe me then must you go take the Sun, the Moon, and all the stars, and we measure them, and if you find it not as I say. I will give the mastery to you: with that the learned man knew not what to say to Scoggin, but that he was to crafty for them, and to gave him the victory and praise.   

Of the merry talk a countrywoman had with Scoggin.  
AFter this Scoggin was esteemed in all places for a most wise and sensible man, and the better beloved of the people, because he loved to sport and jest, and would take it in good part to be jested withal: upon a time one came unto him, and in this means said unto him, Sir this it is, you are a man of great wisdom and therefore I come to crave your advise in a matter of great weight: I have a son that is twenty year old and better, and hath gone a year to School in our Parish, therefore I would have your counsel how I might do to have him made Priest, but I fear me the Pope will not suffer him by reason of one thing that he hath not, which will be great hindrance to him Scoggin taking pleasure in the woman's simplicity, said unto her, what is it good wife? Sir so it is that he hath not: what is that he hath not▪ said he, ha good sic, said she, he hath not. I dare not tell it, for you know well enough what men carry? hath he no long hose? no, (quoth she) it is not that I would speak, sir he hath nothing: you understand me well enough, yet in the end she said unto him, and please you sir, when he was a little Boy, he fell of a ladder and so broke them, that he was feign to be gelded and had it not been for that mischance, I would have married him, for he is the tallest of my children, (in faith) said Scoggin that is a small fault, and will be no hindrance to him to be made a priest▪ but yet sir, there is another thing that will be high hindrance, which is, he can speak no latin: for that let me alone is teach him, therefore good wife when you please send him to me and I will provide him latin enough: whereupon the poor woman gave him great thanks and so she departed away.   

How Scoggin taught a Frenchman Latin to carry him to the Pope.  
THis young clownish Frenchman being a Norman borne, by his mother's appointment came unto Scoggin, and told him that he had a desire to become one of the Church, but he could write and read very little, nevertheless having hard say, that money made all, he break him mind unto master Scoggin ask his counsel how to rule and govern himself in this matter, marry, quoth Scoggin the Pope (when thou comest to be admitted Priest) cannot understand thy Natural speech, I will learn thee to speak so much Latin as shall serve thy turn when thou art before him, which being well placed, he shall think thee to be a profound Scholar. The Frenchman was very glad to hear these tidings, so that in all hast he would needs know these three words, Friend, saith Scoggin, so soon as thou art come before the Pope, thou shalt fall down upon thy knees▪ saying, Salue sancte Pater: Then he will ask thee in latin, unde es tu? that is to say, of whence art thou? Thou shalt answer him, De Normania: then he will ask thee, Vbi sunt litterae tuae thou shalt say unto him, In Mentica mea, and presently without any more ado thou shalt be made a Priest: whereupon the Frenchman being so merry and jocund that he remained fifteen days with Scoggin to learn these three Latin words, and when he thought that he had learned them well, he took his journey towards Rome, & by the way he did nothing but repeat his Latin, but in repeating it so often he forgot the first word, Salue sancte Pater: And knew not how to learn it again, nor where to find a man could do it: But see the luck of it: he chanced upon a Saturday morning to come into a church to pray, where▪ as he heard them sing the Mass of our Lady, which was salve sancte parens, whereunto the Frenchman gave ear: now God be praised and our blessed Lady, said he, I have found my Latin again, and so set forward with his Latin, salve sacte parens, thinking it to be the right. And at length he came to Rome, before the Pope, & did his reverence upon his knees, saying unto him, Salue sancte parens, the pope said unto him Ego non sum matter Christi: The Frenchman answered: De Normania: The Pope grew angry, and said Daemonium habes? in manica mea, answered the Frenchman: and therewithal he put his hand into his sleeve to pull out his lettrrs, the Pope began to be afraid, thinking he would have pulled the devil out of his sleeve, and ran away as fast as his legs would bear him. Thus was our poor ge●●ed Frenchman disappointed of his priesthood, who for very grief within a while after died and was buried by a company of Friars of the holy order.   

How Scoggin cozened the Friars in Rome.  
PResently upon the Frenchman's journey to Rome, Scoggin left France, and likewise went to see Rome: where he was no sooner come, but enquiring of the Frenchman's proceed, who had intelligence that he was dead for grief, whereupon Scoggin in a mockery, went to a certain company of grey Friars, who made them believe that the Frenchman's soul was in Purgatory, and if he would give them ten Ducats they, would redeem him from thence, the which he earnestly promised: Whereupon the Friars fell all to their charms and solemn masses, to redeem as they relieved the poor Frenchman's soul out of purgatory: which being done as they thought, they came to demand their ten Ducats of Scoggin, who asked them if there was any danger of his return again to purgatory, being once by their good prayers delivered from thence: They answered no? Why then quoth Scoggin, it were a needless charity to give any thing to him, that is already in safety, and therefore I think it good policy to keep my money in store to pleasure some other poor soul not yet delivered, and so sent them away fasting without their money.   

How Scoggin sat at the Pope's table.  
WIthin a month after Scoggins arrival in Rome, he got so much favour that he was upon a time bidden to supper by the Pope himself, and being in the midst of their junkets, the Pope asked his servitors for the peacock that was dressed for his dinner, which he commanded to be kept for his supper, which not being done according he grew into a great rage for it. Scoggin sitting then by him at board persuaded his holiness not to be angry: To whom the Pope replied, saying: If God were so highly offended in Paradise, for casting out our old father Adam from thence, and only for eating an Apple: why should not I, being his vicar on earth be more furious for a peacock, knowing how far it is in value above a rotten Apple.   

How Scoggin used a Tailor in Rome.  
Upon a time there was a simple Tailor dwelling in Rome, that upon a day came into a church where the image of Saint john Baptist was honoured, who falling on both his knees, he humbly desired to know whether his wife (at any time) had wanton abused him, and what fortune should follow his young son, Scoggin standing by, (and well practist in such knavish toys) happened to overhears his petition? who secretly stepped behind the altar and feigning the voice of Saint john, answered him, my dear friend and faithful follower for thy long reverent worshipping, and devotion thou hast done unto me. I will truly tell thee: Thy wife hath many times borned thy head, and thy young child within few years shall be hanged: wherefore depart in peace since thy prayers be heard? Whereat the Tailor rising up in a rage, took his leave without a farewell but when he was a little past from him, without any reverence, he turned back and said, what art thou for a Saint? Scoggin answered. I am thy good Saint john Baptist: My Saint, (quoth the Tailor) thou art the devil, a liar a slanderer, and a foul mouthed slave, as thou hast been since thy beginning: for that babbling tongue of thine, caused Herod worthily to cut off thy head. I have prayed to thee this twenty years, and have offered more candles before thee than I am worth: wherefore I will see thee hanged as thou wast headed before I will come to thee again.   

How Scoggin took a Friar tardy.  
IN Rome there was one Friar Thomas, who to observe the straigt laws of their religion, had his concubine close in his bed to help him say his matins at midnight now Scoggin being well acquainted with this Friar, made bold of his company at all times, so coming up of a sudden into the chamber in the ●●rning (by chance they both a sleep) he saw four naked feet hang out of the bed, whereat he seemeth greatly to wonder, and suddenly put his hand out of the window and mainly cried, what ho, come see a miracle, come see a miracle, for Friar Thomas hath four legs: Whereupon they were so ashamed that they knew not how to excuse the matter.   

How Scoggin conjured a walking Ghost.  
WHilst Scoggin remained at Rome, he lodged in the house of a widow that had great store of money, which a certain young gentleman of the town perceived and to the end to get some of it from her, in the evenings he came into her house & lapped himself in a white sheet, counterfeiting a spirit, thinking that she would run her ways, and lean her money to his disposing: The woman that was wise perceived the mystery, and therefore caused her guest master Scoggin the next day to come and lie secretly in the chamber by her, who in the place of a conjuring book, brought a good cudgel, and withal filling his head with drink to be the hardy: but at last about midnight the spirit appeared as before, and began with fearful noise pitifully to cry: whereupon the conjuror, (who had not digested his liquor) suddenly set upon him, and so basted him on both sides with a cudgel saying, if thou be the devil, I am his dam: and he had utterly spoiled him, if he had not the sooner discovered himself.   

How Scoggin put a Country Gentleman out of his Dream.  
Upon a time there was a Gentleman of the Country which greatly loved hunting and took therein so much delight in the day time, that in the night he would rise up in his sleep, and begin to cry, hollow, and whoop after his hounds, as if he had been abroad in the day time. This Gentleman on a time came unto Rome, and lodged in the same Inno where Scoggin did: and in the same Chamber, but in going to bed, this Gentleman said unto Scoggin, friend I pray thee be not offended with me for this one night for I have an impediment, which is to cry in the night after my hounds for I love hunting so well that every night I think I am at the game, Scoggin having heard before time of his humour, said unto him: Oh Sir (quoth he it taketh me after the same manner, for I am a Carter, and think every night that I am always whipping of my horses, and driving of my Cart, and by no means can I leave it, well said the Gentleman we will therefore bear one with the other, he goeth to bed, and was no sooner entered into his first sleep, but be started out of his bed, and went crying about the Chamber so how, so how, so how, at this cry Scoggin awaked, and went down into the stable and fetched a Carters whip, and perked, the gentleman too and fro about the chamber, crying haw ree brown bayrd, dun go, what brown I say: and withal so yerked the Gentleman up and down, who awaked with the yearkes of the whip, and in stead of crying after his hounds, he changed his tune, and cried out for help, saying I am slain, I am slain, but still Scoggin with his whip fetched him too and fro about the chamber: Until at the last the poor gentleman was feign to get him under a table, & there hid himself without speaking a word, which Scoggin perceived, he set down his whip and went to bed, and began to snort like on that had been in his dead sleep. The good wife of the house arose, lighted a candle, and found the Gentleman hidden underneath the board, in such a little corner as would scant serve a Cat to go in, and all his body and legs were so grievously be painted with lashes, as if it had been the picture of Christ: the which surely was a great miracle, 〈…〉, as before he was wont to do in his sleep: whereat his friends and kindred did much marvel, that knew his quality: never was one man more bound to another than was the Gentleman to Scoggin, who had healed him of such an infirmity as that was.   

How Scoggin asked a Friar a question.  
Upon a time after a Friar had said Mass, he invited Scoggin home with him to dinner, being set amongst their delicates, the Friar most highly commended his own devotion, affirming that he had the same day with the Memento of one make (and at one instant) delivered ninety and nine souls out of purgatory: whereupon Scoggin asked him merely, why he left an odd one behind, and made them not an hundred, marry quoth the Friar if the clap of the Church window had not so suddenly started me, I would have performed the just number of an hundred.   

Of the Friar and the Cobblers man.  
WHilst the friar & Scoggin sat thus at dinner, there came a cobblers man unto 〈…〉 be a means to the Pope that he might be made a Priest: now this Friar first to prove his sufficiency in latin said unto him es tu dignus? the poor fellow answered, no sir I thank you, I will dine with your servants, believing that dignus had been to dine.   

How Scoggin counseled the Friar to forsake swearing.  
THE aforesaid Friar used very much to swear and for every slender cause would take the name of God in vain, but so it chanced that as the Friar walked along the streets of Rome. to be sore hurt with the stroke of a horse, Scoggin being in his company, and knowing his blaspheming humour, said unto him, sir this will make you leave your swearing: who suddenly answered, now by the body of God I will take heed hereafter how I swear.   

How Scoggin lay all night with a glovers wife  
SCoggin being still a bachelor, and a very lusty youngman, he fell in love with a glovers wife (whose husband was somewhat ancient & always when her husband was at any lair with his ware to stay all night Scoggin would be sure still to lie with her, but it so fortuned one night above the rest, as he was in bed with her, that one of her little Children felt one in the bed with his mother, to whom the little child said, mother I pray you who lies with you now my father is away, why no body quoth she, but God a mighty and thou and I this rested secret for a time, but within a while after his father being at home, and sitting at his door playing with the said little child Scoggin by chance came by, whom the child espying, said unto him, oh father see yonder goes God a mighty that lay with my mother all night: thinking he said well because his mother had told him so.   

How Scoggin deceived a Doctor of Physic.  
SCoggin to satisfy the humour of certain Gentlemen, his familiar acquaintance most commonly approved the skill of a simple Doctor of Physic that dwelled not far from Rome, and thus it was he took a fair Urinal, and filled it half full of good Wine, and bore it to this doctor, saying it was a sick-man's water, who viewing it and tossing it up and down as though he had great knowledge: quoth he, the Patient whose water it is▪ is full of gross humours, and hath need of purging, and to be let some ten ounces of blood: No you Dunce replied Scoggin, it is good piss, and with that drunk it off, and threw the Urinal at his head.   

How Scoggin proved the Doctor, a fool by Nature.  
NOt long after Scoggin to make the Doctor amends, gave him a book to his Newy fares gift, called, The secrets of Nature, the which Master Doctor received with great kindness, and to show how kindly he accepted of it: he presently before Scoggin began to peruse it: where amongst other things he read, that a broad and a long bearded man argued the man to be a fool, for trial whereof he took a candle in one hand, and a glass in the other, viewing whether he was included with it, but holding the Candle so near his beard that it finged it close to his chin: at which the Doctor in a rage threw down the glass, and ran away all ashamed into the chamber, whereupon Scoggin took pen and ink, and in the margin writ, Probatum est.   

How Scoggin the third time made a fool of M. Doctor.  
NOtwithstanding for all these iniurice done by Scoggin against the Doctor, yet above all other he delighted in his company, as thus: the Doctor having occasion to ride from Rome to Venice, requested Scoggin to ride with him, who willingly promised him: where riding by a wood near unto Rome, the Doctor began to be afraid of thieves, who being in bodily fear, by chance he saw a far off a troup of people coming toward him, but he desired Scoggin to ride before to discover what they were, mean while he did himself behind a bush, Scoggin coming unto them, understood that they conducted a murderer to execution. He being in a merry humour, strait set spurs to his horse, and galloped back again towards M. Doctor beckoned all the way unto the Doctor as he posted towards him to be gone and shift for himself: which the doctor perceiving, away he rides towards Rome, as though he had rid upon life and death: and being alighted at his own dóore he there attended Scogging coming, who immediately alighted there also, panting and blowing, saying unto him, M. Doctor you are happy that have so well escaped their hands for if he be hanged for killing one man, what would they have done with you, that have killed and poisoned so many? the Doctor seeing himself so flouted, in a fury thrust Scoggin out of his house, and never after would abide him.   

How Scoggin answered a Popish Priest.  
IT was Scoggins chance upon a time to be in a Church in Rome, whilst a holy Friar was casting about his holy water, whereupon there came a priest unto Scoggin and reproved him because he did not put off his Cap, when the Friar sprinkled him with holy water, who answered, if it have power (as you say) to pass to purgatory, surely it must have easier passage through my Cap.   

Of a jesuite that spoke against Scoggin.  
AFter this Scoggin grew in hate among the Friars, because he many times made jeffes upon them, whereupon there was a jesuite that would always speak mightily against Protestants, thinking Scoggin to be one, affirming that he would prove a Protestant worse than a Devil, for (said he) if I meet with a Devil, and bless myself but with the sign of the cross, he will strait fly from me: but if I make the sign of the cross to a Protestant, by God he will fly upon me, and be ready to strangle me.   

How Scoggin questioned with the aforesaid jesuite.  
SCoggin having heard of the simplicity of this jesuite, came unto him, and asked him the reason why God gave unto the good thief paradise, and the cause that he went strait thither without passing first into the purgatory: marry sir quoth the jesuite, I have read, that when Christ was carried into Egypt, (with his mother by joseph) the same thief would not suffer his companions to rob Christ, nor any that were with him: and withal saying to Christ, remember this good turn I have done thee, which was then promised him and performed, when they met both at execution, this was the simplicity of the jesuite.   

Of another question propounded to this jesuit.  
SCoggin meaning yet to make this jesuit a more Fool, asked him how Christ lived whilst he was a Boy? whereupon the jesuit shamed not to say, that after Christ grew to some strength, joseph began to teach him his occupation, and one day amongst others, he set him to saw a piece of timber, but Christ not regarding▪ the mark that he should have sawed by, cut it too short: whereat joseph was very angry, and would have beaten him, if he had not hastily taken up the one end and craving his father's help to hold the other, drew it out of the same length that joseph would have it. The which blasphemy the jesuit justified for a truth.   

How Scoggin proved Mustard to have wit.  
SCoggin keeping an Ordinary in Rome, and sitting with Gentleman, to make them merry, would approve Mustard (standing before them) to have wit, how so says one? It is like a witty scold: meeting another scold, knowing that scold will scold, gins to scold first: so says he, the Mustard being licked up, and knowing that you will bite it, gins to bite you first: I'll try that says a Gull by, and the Mustard so tickled him that his eyes watered: How now says Scoggin, does my lest savour? I says the Gull, and bite too: If you had had better wit says Scoggin you would have bit first: so then to conclude with me, that dumb unféeling Mustard, hath more wit than a talking unfeeling fool as you are. Some were pleased, and some were not: But all Scoggins care was taken (for his resolution was such ever) before he talked of any jest.   

How Scoggin cozened a Friar of twenty ducats.  
SCoggin before time having borrowed ten ducats of a Friar, and now lacking more money, went again to the said Friar to borrow ten more, why quoth he, you own me ten already, how shall I be paid that? why thus quoth Scoggin lend me ten more to the ten I have had already, and I will make you a bond to pay you twenty at the feast of S. Peter next coming, the Friar thinking to have somewhat to show for his money, sent him the other ten ducats whereupon Scoggin made him a bond the money to be paid upon the feast of S. Peter in the year of our Lord 1490. which figure of 4 he turned into 5. very cunningly whilst the Friar was drawing out his money: which was done in this manner, 1490. he changed into 1590. the friar thinking the bond so he rightly written went his way: & at the time appointed came to Scoggin & demanded his money, your money quoth Scoggin, why it is not yet due almost these 100 years▪ therefore look in your 〈◊〉 & there you shall find it in: the Friar seeing the figure of 4 turned into 5. knew himself deceived. & went his 〈◊〉 with a flea in his ear.   

Of Scoggins wrongful accusation.  
Upon a time Scoggin was wrongfully accused for getting of a Gentleman's Maid with Child, and for the same brought before a justice in Rome, which justice said as followeth. It is a marvel (Scoggin) that you being now a gentleman of good quality, and one of good ruputation, would venture thus to get maids with child, nay rather qd Scoggin were it a marvel, if a maid had gotten me with child,   

Scoggin deceived by a country wench.  
SCoggin as he traveled abroad, was in a town where in the In was a pretty maid, whose favour was placed in a corner of Scoggins affection, and talking with her appointed to meet him at the bottom of a pair of stairs: when night and the hour came, and the maid subtly sent down her mistress, who Scoggin catching in his arms art come wench sates he, out alas says the mistress (not knowing who it was) Scoggin hearing it was the mistress, start a side, and the maid came down with the candle, she espied a glimpse of Scoggin, in the dark, who slept into another room: how now mistress said the maid, something said she affrighted me, some man sure for I heard him speak: no, no, mistress said the maid, it was no man, it was a Bull calf, that I shut into a room till john our pounder came to have pounded him for a stray: had I thought that said she, I would have hit him such a knock on his forehead, that his horns should never have grafted his coxcomb, and departs up again afraid: but how Scoggin took this jest think you.   

How Scoggin deceived a Draper's maid.  
SScoggin another time lacked money, and being a fair young man without any hair on his face got him on an ancient Gentlewoman's gown putting a Cushion under his apron, and a French-hood upon his head, and so upon a Sunday in service time, went to a Draper's house, the master and all his house being at Church, except a maid servant that dressed dinner so coming like an old Gentlewoman to the door where knocking very orderly the maid comes and asked what he would have, taking him to be some substantial Gentlewoman, marry (quoth Scoggin) after I pray you stand a gentlewoman's friend so much as to let her make water in your kitchen, for I am ashamed to do it in the street, & am so near beset that I can go no further: the honest simple maid deeming all to be true, let him go into the kitchen wherein being no sooner come but he bond the maid hand and foot, and put a gag into her mouth, and after took what he pleased and so left the maid there gaping on the ground with a gag in her mouth: at last comes the good wife home from the Church, where entering into the kitchen as her manner was, and finding her maid in this pitiful taking was so amazed that she stood senseless till her husband came home. who likewise finding his Maid upon the ground gaping for breath, ungagd her and asked her how she came into that extremity: marry master quoth she, here came the devil in a French: hood and gagd me and rob you for I am sure it was no woman she was so strong but she draper, could never neither get the thief nor his goods again, but contented himself with that loss, and ever after left more company at home.   

Of Scoggins short answer at dinner while.  
Upon a time there was an old priest and Scoggin dined together in Rome, where there was but little store of meat, but Scoggin having a good stomach, and being a jolly fat man, put off his doublet the better to fill his belly, & began to lay an load with his teeth as though he had eaten no meat in two or three days before: the which being perceived by the other old man that sat at the table, he began to ask Scoggin many questions, thinking thereby to hinder the busy filling of his belly, but Scoggin because he would not lose much time, answered the old man very briefly altogether in syllables: the questions and answers were these. What Garment do ye wear? Strange. What wine do ye drink? Red. What flesh do you eat? Beef. Now like you this Wine? Good. You drink none such at home? No. What eat you upon Fridays? Eggs, and such like: but all this while he lost not one mouthful of meat, for his month was still going, and yet answered readily to all his questions. By this means the oldman went half hungry away.   

How Scoggin for one day, served in a Priest's room.  
SCoggin being at Rome, and lodged in a Priest's house there, where an old churchman that on a Sunday could not perform his duty to the parish: Whereupon Scoggin taking upon him the priests office, and as though he had been another Curate dwelling hard by, went to the Church and said service both forenoon and afternoon: but as the order was then, the parishioners came before Service and confessed them to the priest, but amongst the rest there came to Scoggin a poor Blacksmith to be confessed, to whom he said. How sayeth thou friend, art thou not a fornicator? The poor man said no. Quoth Scoggin again, art thou not a glutton? Art thou not supethious? he said still no, Scoggin perceiving he said still no, to every thing began to wonder, ask again: Art thou not concupicent? No sir, said he, Why what art thou then quoth Scoggin: I am said he, a poor Blacksmith, for behold here is my hammer.  
There was also another that answered in like manner to this confessor, the which is some what in better order, it was Shepherd, whom Scoggin did ask friend how sayest thou? Hast thou kept the commandments of the Church? No, neither, than said Scoggin unto him what hast thou then kept? I never kept any thing but sheep in all my life quoth the shepherd.  
Yet there was another who after he had declared all his faults, was asked if any thing else stuck in his conscience? He answered nothing: but that upon a time he had stolen a Halter. Well (said Scoggin) to steal a Halter is no great matter. Yea but (said the man) there was a horse tied at the end thereof, I marry (qd Scoggin) that is another manner of matter: there is difference between a horse and a halter, you must therefore restore back the horse, and the next time that he come again, I will absolve you for the halter.   

How Scoggin and three or four more deceived a Tapster in Rome.  
ON a night Scoggin and three or four of the Pope's servants being merrily disposed, consulted how they might have good cheer and pay no money, and every one invented away as they thought best, at last Scoggin said. I have invented a cleanly shift at the sign of the Rose against Saint Peter's Church is a new Tayster, which ere this hath not seen any of us, and he is also pourblinde, so that if he see us hereafter he cannot know us. Therefore we will go thither and make good cheer, and when we have a reckoning, we will contend who shall pay all, then will I say to avoid the contention, that the Tayster shall be blinded, and we will run round about him, and whosoever he catcheth first let him pay for all, and so we may scape away. Every man liked Scoggins devise? best, so in conclusion they came thither and had good cheer, for they spared no coast so that in the end their reckoning grew to ten shillings. Then as Scoggin had devised afore, so they did. The Tapster was blinded so that they ran round about him, and first Scoggin got out, and then another, so that at the last they got all away, and left the Tapster groping in every place about the house for them that should pay the shot. The master of the house being in a chamber next to the place where they were, and hearing the stamping that they made, came to see what they did, whom the Tapster caught in his arms saying: sir you must pay the reckoning. Marry said his Master so I think I must indeed, for here is no body else to pay it. Then the Tapster and his Master sought and inquired for them but they could not find them.   

The talk which Scoggin had with a pretty woman.  
GEntlewoman said Scoggin, and the rest as you sit, I can tell you strange things: now many gallants at supper noted one woman, who being little and pretty, to unfit her pretinesse had a great wine mouth which she seeming to hide would, pinch in her speeches and speak small but was desirous to hear the news. Scoggin going from Rome to Venice, told that there was a Proclamation made that every man should have two wives, now jesus quoth she, is it possible? I Gentlewoman, and otherwise able too, for contrarily, women must have three Husbands, now Iaw●us said the Gentlewoman, and with wonder shows the full wideness of her Mouth, at which all the Table smiled: which she perceiving, would answer no more. Now mistress said Scoggin your mouth is less than ever it was for now it is able to say nothing: thou art a cogging knave says she: Mass, and that is something, yet said Scoggin, your mouth shall be as wide as ear it was for that test.   

Of Scoggin and an Usurer.  
A Usurer sometime there was dwelling at Rome, that ever (by report) made many desperate debts but what he delivered out came still with profit back again: Scoggin hearing hereof, laid a wager with a friend of his, that he would by his wit deceive him therein, So coming to this rich churie, he demanded of him how he should prevent desperate debts & keep himself from trusting banckeroutes: This Usurer kept himself a loof off, and would not be known of the secret to him till a conclusion was made, that Scoggin should bestow a supper of this Money master at the tavern to learn the secret. The supper was prepared, where Scoggin and the Usurer supped merrily: but during supper time, they fell in conference touching the matter, where the Usurer told Scoggin that if he dealt as he used to do he could make no evil debts: and that was, that he should not take any man's bill, bond, or word, but ever be sure of a good pawn worth double or triple his money in usance with a good bill of sale in open market. The Supper being almost ended, this old Usurer having well liquored himself, and old vessels must needs leak, would needs be gone to make water: nay then (said Scoggin) you mean to leave me Not so (quoth the Usurer) if you think that here keep my gown, he went forth to make water, who having no sooner turned his back, but Scoggin took his gown, and laid it to pawn in the Bar for the shot, and so went his way. Thus Fraud was deceived with Deceit.   

How Scoggin got away the Abbot's Horse fram him.  
ON a time Scoggin was sent for to an Abbot in Rome, to pastime with him, where he fell sick and like to die, whereupon he was shriven and would have been housed and he durst not for fear of casting. The Abbot said Crede & manducasti, that is to say, believe & thou hast received. When Scoggin recovered, the Abbot lent him his own horse to ride home on, Scoggin sent not home the Abbot's horse, wherefore the Abbot sent for his horse, but Scoggin answered the messenger, and said, when I was sick at home with your master, I would have received the holy Sacrament of the Altar, and he bade me believe, and I had received the sacrament of the Altar: so in like manner, let him believe that he had received his horse and it is sufficient, and tell him his horse he shall never have. By this a man may perceive that a man should not lend his horse nor his weapon, nor his wife to no man if he love himself or his own profit, for by it never cometh gains.   

How Scoggin was made Priest. at Rome.  
SCoggin being noted throughout all Rome for a shifting companion could not well tell how to live any longer there, unless he became one of the Church: and considering with himself that he was a master of Art, and sufficient enough to perform any office of the Church, whereupon he made suit to the Pope to be made a Priest, the which was done immediately. Within a while after he made an Oration before the Pope, and many of his Clergy, and considering their Pomp and pride, he said nothing in the Pulpit, but sie Saint Peter, and sie Saint Paul, and when he had many times recited these words, spitting first on the one side, then on the other, he suddenly departed the Pulpit, leaving his auditors wonderfully amazed, wherefore some thought he was not well in his wild, and other some imagined he was not sound in religion, so as they meant to commit him to prison: But one Friar amongst the rest that partly knew his humour, caused him to be called before the Pope, who commanded him to show some reason for that he had done: he answereed that in troth he was determined to entreat of another matter. But considering (said Scoggin) that you possess all the pleasures of the World at will, and that there is no state comparable to yours: and weighing again with myself, in what poverty, pain and misery, the Apostle lived in: I thought that either they were great fools to choose so sharp a life to go to heaven or you, that having the keys of heaven in your hands, were in the high way to hell: this for that time proved a sufficient answer to the Pope, so blinded was he with ambition and Idolatry, that he did not perceive when he was jested at.   

How Sccoggin saved his head from cutting off.  
SCoggin upon a time traveling a little from Rome, and lodging in an homely Inn, during which time there was a Gentleman dwelling in the same town, somewhat frantic and distrauct of his wits: which madman of a sudden rushed into Scoggins bed Chamber, with his sword drawn and finding him there in bed, would have slain him, saying: villain were it not valiantly done to strike off thy knaves head at one blow, Scoggin answered, tut sir, that's nothing with worship to do, you can as easily strike off two heads at one blow as one, wherefore if you please, i'll go down and call up another, and so you may strike off both our heads at once: the mad man believed him, and so let him slip away.   

How Scoggin jested with a Boy in the street.  
A Wag-halter boy met Scoggin in the street, and said: Master Scoggin who lives longest? Marry, boy, says Scoggin, he that dieth latest: and why die men so fast said the Boy? because they want breath said Scoggin: no, rather said the Boy, because their time is come, they die: Then thy time is come said Scoggin, see who comes yonder? Who said the Boy? Marry, said Scoggin, Swag the hangman: nay hang me then, if I employ him at this time, says the Boy: well said Scoggin, than thou wilt be hanged another time by the own confession, and so they departed.   

How Scoggin escaped imprisonment.  
SCoggin having been dominéering very late one night with two of his friends, and coming homewards, the watch was set, and M. Constable asked who goes there? tkrée merry men quoth Scoggin: that is not sufficient, what art thou quoth M. Constable? Why saith Scoggin one of us is an eye-maker, and the other a light-maker: What sayest thou knave? dost mock me, the one is an eiemaker, the other a light-maker, which two properties belong unto God only. Commit these blasphemers quoth the Constable: Nay, I pray you good M. Constable be good in your office, I will approve what I have said to be true, if thou canst said the Constable, you shall pass otherwise you shall all three be punished. Why quoth Scoggin, this fellow is an eye-maker, because a spectacle maker, and this other a light-maker, because a Chandler that maketh the darkest night as light as your lantern. The Constable seeing them so pleasant was well contended, the rest of the Watchmen laughed, and Scoggin with his companions, went home quietly.   

How Scoggin served an old woman at Rome.  
THere was dwelling sometime in Rome a widow woman that was so miserable in housekeeping, that no servant would devil with her any long time: of which woman Scoggin heard tell of, and being desirous to play the jesting companion with her, he went unto her, and hired himself with her to work for a month: the bargain being thus agreed upon betwixt them, upon a morning betime he came to her house to begin his work: but (quoth be) Dame before I begin, I must have my breakfast. Why that thou shalt have for this time (said she) but use it not: so she set him a miserable breakfast upon the table, which he eat up every crumb. Now Dame, quoth he, let me have my dinner to, and I will have none at noon▪ the which she likewise gave him, but he eat up all that in like manner as before: The which being done, he said again, Dame to save a labour, I pray you let me have my supper too, and then I'll trouble you no more till tomorrow: she thinking to save some victuals thereby, gave him his supper also, the which he likewise eat up as before being done, he ariseth from the table and said: Dame I have now eaten my breakfast, my dinner, and my supper: but I pray you tell me one thing: What do folks use to do when they have supped? Marry fellow (quoth she) go to bed and sleep. Even so (quoth Scoggin) will I do, for I have now supped, and therefore Dame good night. By these words she knew well that she was flout, and never after would meddle with Scoggin again.   

Of Scoggin and a country Milk maid.  
SCoggin upon a time being in a country village, came to Rome in the company of a merry conceited Milk maid, carrying upon her head a pail of Milk to the Market, thinking to sell it: to pass the time away, to Master Scoggin, she made her reckoning aforehane in this manner. First (quoth the Maid) I will sell my Milk for two pence, and then with this two pence, buy eight Eggs, which I will set a brood under a hen, and she will have eight Chickens: which Chickens being grown up, I will cram them and by that means they will be Capons: these Capons being young, will be worth twelve peace a piece that is just eight shillings, with the which I will buy two pigs, a sow pig, and a Boar pig, and they growing great, will bring forth twelve others, the which I will sell (after I have kept them a while) for half a crown piece, that is just thirty shillings. Then I will buy a Mare that will bring forth a fair Foal: the which will grow up and be gentle and fair, that she will play, skip, leap and fling, and cry weehes after every Beast that shall pass by. But now for the joy this Milkmaid took of her supposed Foal. and in her jollity counterfeiting to show her foals lustiness, her pail of Milk fell down from her head, and was all spilled. Then Scoggin laughing, said, unto her: There now lies all your Eggs, your Chickens, your Capons, your Pigs, your Mare, her Colt and all, upon the ground, so by this means, was she deprived of all her purposes.   

How Scoggin deceived an Inneholder at Venice.  
Upon a certain time, Scoggin & his man traveled to Venice, and other places of Italy, and making merry there so long till all their money was gone, and being a great way to Rome, they knew not what to do, but as want is the what stone of wit, Scoggin gathered his conceits together, and practised a trick to bear him up to Rome, without money, and this it was: unto an Inn in Venice they went, and there lay for two or three days of great charge, although no money he had to pay for the same, the third morning he had his man go down and male content, himself before his Host and his Hoastis and mumbblingly said to himself: Lord, Lord, what a scald master serve I, this it is to serve a jesuite or Atheist, now even as I am an honest man, I'll leave him in the lurch and shift for myself: here's ado about penance and mortification, as though (forsooth) Christ had not died enough for all: His man mumbling out those his instructions so dissemblingly, that it struck such a jealousy in the Inkolders' heart, that out of doubt his master was a jesuite or Atheist: whereupon he presently sent for the Constable, and told him all the aforesaid matter, and so went up both together, to attach Scoggin in his chamber, who purposely had shut himself in close, and betaken him to his knees, and to his cross to make the matter seem more suspicious: which they espying through the keyhole, made no more ado but in they rushed, and arrested him for a jesuit or Atheist, discharged his score, bore his own, and his boys charges up to Rome, and there in hope to have rich rewards, presented him to the Cardinal, but now mark the jest, when the Cardinal saw Scoggin, and knew him passing well, entertained him most courteously, & all to be fooled the Inholder and his mate, and sent them away with a flea in their ear: but when Scoggin saw himself discharged out of their hands, he stood jesting and pointing at their folly, and so taught them by cunning both more wit, and thrift, against another time.   

Scoggins description of a pot of Ale.  
Upon a time Scoggin came unto a great Person in Rome, and made such merry pastime before him, that in recompense thereof he was bidden to demand any reasonable request, and he should have it. Marry my request (quoth Scoggin) shall be reasonable enough, for I came nothing at your hands, but every day whilst I live a pot of Ale, and the appurtenances belonging to the same, the which he had given him under an assurance. Now by this gift (quoth Scoggin) you have given me six pence a day whilst I live, for the appurtenances are far more costlier than the pot itself, which I will prove in this manner: First, I must every day have a penny for a pot of Ale, a penny for a loaf to make a toast, a penny for a faggot to toast it, a penny for Sinnamon and Ginger, a penny for Nutmegs and Sugar, and a penny for mine Hostess to bear me company: without the which, a pot of Ale is like a blue coat without a Badge. For a blue Coat without a Badge, is like an Ale house without a sign.   

How Scoggin gave a reckoning Pot.  
SCoggin upon a time dwelled at Rome upon the Cardinale rends, in which house keeping an Alehouse, there came certain Scholars and other, to drink, but being set down one of the Scholars said, be merry my good fellows, for none shall spend a penny but myself, at which words the whole company thinking that he would pay for all, called in a reckoning of some twelu● pence, which when they came to pay, there was no more money amongst them all but the scholars penny, the which Scoggin hearing them sitting by the fire, and knowing them to be honest men's sons, for that time, took the penny for the whole reckoning, and after sat him down again by the fire in the Chair, the Scholars sat still looking one upon another, and at last one of them said: What mine Host, is the reckoning all paid? It is my guests (quoth Scoggin) sith I can get no more. Why then (quoth the Scholar again) I hope we shall have a reckoning Pot given us? A reckoning Pot my voyes (quoth Scoggin) and but a penny paid for all, I faith that you shall, though I buy it dearly my Lads: so starting up fetched them a reckoning Pot. But it fell out that at Christmas following when Scoggin came to pay his rent, he was bid to dinner, where for want of table talk, he told the Cardinal of this pleasant jest that happened amongst these scholars: the which so highly pleased and contented the Cardinal, that he gave him a lease of the same house for one and twenty years following for just nothing: which afterward was worth to Scoggin better than an hundred pound.   

How Scoggin made a Cobbler believe that he was dead.  
SCoggin being still about Rome, he grew acquainted with a poor handycraftsman, a mender of old shoes: in wit very simple: and as I may term him a very fool. Scoggin meaning to make some sport with this simple fellow, upon a time came unto him, and gazed very earnestly in his face, saying: I marvel my friend, how thou art able to walk abroad for I see that thou art very sick, death himself appears in thy face. After this, another of Scoggins acquaintance come unto the Cobbler, and in like manner useth the same words, and after him another, all by Scoggins devising: By which means, the poor fellow was brought into such a conceit, that he thought himself sick in deed, and so to bed he went: where after he had lain a while, he would needs die: being dead in conceit, he was wound in his winding sheet, and laid on the Beer, as the country order is, and on four men's backs borne towards the Church, but by the way meeting with an unhappy Boy, who asked the bearers who was going to be buried? Who answered, poor jacob the honest Cobbler. Quoth the Boy again. What is jacob the Cobbler dead? Nay it is no matter, for he may be well spared, for he was the veriest knave in all the town. With that the Cobbler started up, and said, Oh thou unhappy Gallows boy: if I were alive as I am dead, I would sound be labour thee for slandering thus a poor dead man going to be buried. The people hearing the dead man thus speak, thought it a miracle, and so bore him home to his house again.   

Of Scoggins most strange and monstrous beast.  
ON a time Scoggin being in Rome grew very merrily disposed, and meaning for to make his acquaintance somewhat pleasant, he want to a Painter and made him to draw the picture of a most strange Horse, with his head standing where his tail should stand, and his tail where his head should stand, the picture being thus strangely painted, he hang it forth at a window: by which many simple people repaired thither, and gave him pence a piece to behold this strange monster: so gathering a number of them together in a yard, at last he let them all into a stable to see this aforesaid monster, but being entered into the stable, they saw no other monster but a horse with his tail tied up to the cratch to a bottle of hay, and his head to the groope where▪ the tail should stand. Thus were the simple people flouted. and Scoggins acquaintance made very merry thereby   

How Scoggin bestowed upon his friends excellent good Salmon.  
Upon a time Scoggin bade many of his friends come home to make merry with him, who was to go to a banquet of all other meats, requested at his hands some excellent good Salmon, which as then was not to be had for any money in all Rome, but yet to satisfy his friends desires, he promised to send for some, the which he did: so sitting down to dinner, in the midst whereof, came in three of his honest neighbours and sat them down likewise at the table: but his friends expected still the Salmon, at last demanded for the same. Why (quoth Scoggin) here it is. They seeing nothing, asked where? Marry here (quoth he) pointing to his 3. neighbours: you requested excellent good Salmon, here is excellent, here is good, and there's Salmon, for so were his three neighbours called. Being thus by this pleasant jest deceived of their longing, they passed away dinner time with great delight and jollity.   

Scoggins opinion of Oysters.  
Certain Noble men and Ladies of the Court, being eating Oysters, one of them seeing Scoggin, called him, and asked if he loved Oysters? No, quoth Scoggin, for they be ungodly meat, uncharitable meat, and unprofitable meat: why quoth the courtier? they are ungodly, because they are eaten without grace, uncharitable because they leave nought but shells, and unprofitable, because they must swim in wine. Thou sayest true, quoth one of them, and so they all fell on laughing at him.   

Scoggins resolution of a question,  
ONe of the company, taking the Gentleman's part, asked Scoggin, at what time he thought the devil to be most busied? When the Pope dieth quoth he, why saith the courtier? marry (answered he) than all the Devils are troubled and busied to plague him, for that he hath sent many a soul before him thither, that now exclaim against him.   

How Scoggin, by his wit got a suit of apparel by a Courtier.  
A Gallant Gentleman lying in the Court, bought himself a suit of Satin, the which Scoggin had a great desire to get, and thinking to purchase it by his wit, said unto the Gentleman, and it please your worship I have had a great desire to have such a suit of apparel, and of the same fashion that yours is of: quoth the Gentleman, when I leave it of, I will give it thee: so the next morning Scoggin gets the suit of apparel: the Gentleman missing it called his man, whereupon in comes Scoggin with it upon his back, which the Gentleman perceiving, called him knave, and asked his reason? Why, (quoth Scoggin) you gave it me when you left it off, so yesternight you put it off: the Gentleman seeing himself overreached, was content against his will.   

How Scoggin excused a painter's fault.  
THus it fell out, that upon a time when Scoggin was in the presence of a great Cardinal, there came in a Painter of Rome, with the Images of Saint Peter and S. Paul, the which he had newly painted. The Cardinal himself taking them at his hand, found fault that he had painted them with too high a colour, for their faces (said he) are too red, marry (quoth Scoggin then standing by) in the painter's behalf, this redness cometh of shame, for they blush to see the proud state and trains that you have, in respect of the low and poor counternances they carried: for this his doubt he had a great check of the Cardinal for his labour.   

How Scoggin deceived a Butcher in a market town.  
AS Scoggin rid through a market town about ten miles from Rome, it was his chance to bait at a Butcher's house being an Inn, which Butcher having great store of meat in his shop, he meant to deceive him of a good joint thereof: but not knowing how to obtain his desire because of the Butcher's continual presence, this pretty shift he devised. Quoth he to the Butcher, mine Host they say in our country that he is a fool that cannot snap with his finger and thumb as I now do, and therewithal did as Berbars' use to do with their hands when they wash a man's face: The Butcher being very loath to be counted a fool, proffered to make his fingers snap, but through the greatinesse thereof, he could not do it frr his heart: whereupon he presently ran forth to wash off the fat, and in the mean time before his return Scoggin had sent away a good joint of meat by his Boy, standing at the door: but when the Butcher returned, having made clean his fingers, he said, Now sir, I can do it as well as yourself. I but quoth Scoggin, now it is too late, you should have done it before. By this jest the Butcher perceived himself made a fool, and so set him down all ashamed.   

How Scoggin deceived the Butcher another way.  
SCoggin having received such great kindness in the Butcher's house, that at his return from Rome he lodged in the same Inn again: But the Butcher himself mistrusting some false tricks, would not be out of his shop but yet through the wiliness of Scoggins wit, he was deceived: for as the butcher's boy (being directed by master Scoggin) went down into the Cellar to draw a pot of drink, where pulling out of the fauset, he put it in his pocket, and called to his master for his help to stop in the drink who for safeguard thereof, ran down and held his finger in the hole until the boy went up for another tap: and whilst the poor silly witted Bu●cher stood holding his finger in the taphole, Scoggin like a crafty companion, ran into the shop, and stole another joint of meat and made merry with his friends at the next Inn they came too.   

How Scoggin excommunicated his parishioners.  
WIthin a while after this, Scoggin received a certain scroll from the Cardinal and a Bishop, wherein was written the names of sundry men and women, that he should excommunicate, the which scroll by chance he let fall into a little hole of his pocket, for remedy whereof he helped himself in this order, for with the loss of the paper, he had lost the remembrance of all the names he should have then excommunicated, and therefore thus he said, I excommunicate all those that are within that hole, whereupon remembering himself better of the matter, he except the Cardinal and Bishop who had thereunto set their hands and seals, else had the Bishop and Cardinal been both of them excommunicated.   

How Scoggin overtook a Priest and kept company with him, and how he and the priest prayed for money.  
Upon a time when Scoggin and his man had ridden eight or ten miles on their way, he overtook a Priest that was riding to Rome to pay his first fruits, with whom he kept company withal until he be come within twenty mile of Rome, and all that way as they rod, Scoggin made the priest very good cheer & would let him pay no money, so that Scoggin had but two shillings left, and riding a little on this side Rome, Scoggin complained to the Parson in this sort: I marvel master Parson (quoth he) how men do when they want money to get it? For when I want money I know not how to get any, except I should steal. No no, said the Priest, do you not know that they that serve God well do not want: and how that God promiseth, that if you call upon him in your afflictions, that he will help you: You say well master Parson said Scoggin, and road before, and when he saw a fair place he kneeled down, and lifted up his hands and prayed to God till master Parson and his man did overtake him, but nothing he could get. When they were come, he rolled them he prayed, but could get nothing. But (quoth he) I will try once again, and then if I get nothing, both you master Parson and niy man shall help me to pray, for I do not doubt but God will help semething, when he heareth all our prayers. And then Scoggin did ride afore again, and when he saw his place convenient, he alighted from his Horse and tied him fast to a tree, and kneeled down and prayed as he had done before: until such time as they came to him: Then said the Parson, how do you now Master Scoggin. By my troth said he, I can get nothing, wherefore alight sirrah, quoth he unto his man, and tie up your Horse to yonder tree, and then he went to the Parson and took his Horse by the bridle, and told him he must needs help him to pray. The Parson for fear durst not say him nay, but alighted and took his Capcase from the saddle bow, wherein was fifty pounds, Then Scoggin asked his man how much money had in his purse. He said twenty pence. Be my troth said Scoggin, and I have but two shillings: and how much have you master Parson said he: The Parson thought that if he had told him all, he would surely have borrowed a good part of it, and he said five pounds, Well let us pray hearty said Scoggin, and then they kneeled down and prayed the space of half an hour: and Scoggin said, let us see whether God hath heard our request or no. And then he looked in his own purse, where was but two shillings, and then he looked in his man's purse where was but twenty pence, Then Scoggin came to the Parson, and said: now master Parson let us see what you have, for I do not doubt but God hath heard your prayers, and took the priest's capcase, and opened it, wherein was a bag with fifty pounnds in it, which the Parson should have paid for his first fruits. Then Scoggin spread his Clock abroad and powered out the money, and when he had told it, he said, by Lady master Parson God hath heard your prayer: and then he gave him five pounds, and said master Parson, here is the five pounds that you had before we began to pray and the rest we will have: for I see that you are so well acquainted with God that with praying half an hour, you can get as much more: and this will do us great pleasure, and it is but a small matter for you to pray half an hour. The Parson desired Scoggin to let him have the rest of the money, for he said that he did ride to London to pay the first fruits. Well said Scoggin then you must pray again for we will have this, and so they road away and left the Priest behind them, and the Priest was feign to ride home again for more money.   

How the Pope came to hear Scoggin say Service.  
SCoggin of himself being merry conceited would always say service quite contrary to all others, and would rea● and sing them after his own manner: and above all the rest he could not abide the order of the Passion, as it is commonly said in Churches for when jesus spoke any thing to the jews or to Pilate: then would he speak aloud that every one might hear and understand. And if it were the jews or any other that spoke, then would he read it so softly and with such a low voice, that none could hear nor understand: but it so happened, that the Pope upon a good Friday went through the parish where Scoggin dwelled, and being about ten of the clock in the forenoon, he minded to hear service, and so came into the Church where Scoggin was in saying service: which wh●n he came to the Passion he read on this manner, and when he said, Whom seek ye? he made all the Church to ring again with his voice, but when he read jesus of Nazareth, he spoke so softly that none could hear him: and in this order went forward with his service. The Pope who was very devout noted well these ceremonies, and was greatly grieved at this order of reading, and wished that he had not come to the Church. But after service he sent for Scoggin that he should come and speak with him, who being come, he said unto him: I cannot tell Sir where you have learned to behave yourself so unreverently as you have done this day: for the people to hear your service, had no devotion at all, and why so said Scoggin, marry quoth the Pope, you have read the Passion to day like a mad man, for when Christ speaketh, than you read like the common crier, and if Pilate or any of the jews speak, than you speak softly to yourself that no body can here you: Is it well done think you? are you worthy to have a cure: therefore I will take away your Benefice and make you acknowledge your fault: when Scoggin had long given care unto him, he answered: Is this all you have to say to me? now by my soul it is true that is commonly said, there are many folk that speak of that wherein they have no skill, And please your Holiness, I think I know what belongs to my office so well as another, and I would that all the world should know that God is well served in my parish according to my degree, as in any place within this hundred miles, I know there be other Priests read the passion after another manner, the which I can do, I thank God, as well as they if I would, but it should appear that they understood not what they read, for doth it become the knave jew, to speak so low as jesus? No, no, I warrant you: be ye sure that in my parish God shall be master so long as I do live, and let others do in their parish according to their knowledge. When the Pope heard this proper reply, he said: Now truly Sir priest, you are a man of good spirit, yet for all this shall you not keep your benefice any longer, whereupon he was discharged, and an other put in his place.   

How Soggin served a country Squire.  
SCoggin being thus disgraced and turned from his benefice, he attired himself like a country serving man, and went into the country to dwell, where he was hired of a certain squire that took great delight to travel into strange countries to see fashions, the which pleased Scoggin wondrous well: so it happened that this squire with his man Scoggin read upon a time to see the City of Venice where the old Gentleman had not long sojourned, but in an evening after he had well supped, and filled his head with store of good Wine, yet being not thus satisfied, his mind longed for some further pleasure, as old men are apt to such wantonness when their wits are ever charged with wine: wherefore after his delicate he had a desire to taste a small modicum of last mutton, whereupon he sent his man forth for a dainty morsel: So Scoggin going almost a whole day up and down, and could not find any fitting to his purpose, whereupon he turned back to his master and told him he could find none that would please him, why villain, quoth the old lecher:▪ go fetch me one or never come to me again: upon this command away goeth Scoggin and to satisfy his masters mind, went all about the streets, and at the last agrees with an old rusty kitchen-stuff, as foul and as black as the back side of a chimney, who was very glad to go to so good a bargain: So late in the Evening, because his master should not be suspected, he brought her in at a backdoor secretly without a candle, to his masters bed, who put off but filthy foul clothes, and went into bed to him, who took great pleasure and delight in her company all the night, till it drew towards the morning: and then she having had all the sport and pleasure that my old master could do unto her, she about day break prepared herself to be gone, whereat for his own credit and honesty he was likewise well content, she was no sooner ready and out of doors, but up he gets, and looked out of the window after her, to see what a beautiful bedfellow he had had all night, but when he saw such an ill-favoured raine-beaten and withered piece of stuff, up he called his man Scoggin, and in a great rage for that offence turns him out of his service. Scoggin poor fellow being thus masterless, home he goeth to his old mistress, and telleth her how that his master hath turned him out of his service She being very desirous to know the cause, he saith, I faith mistress for nothing but this, he sent me to buy him a young Pullet and I brought him a very old been, which he liked well both in the spitting and in the roasting, but in the morning when he beheld the feathers that she move, it so broiled in his stomach that he almost became sick even with a conceit, whereupon, for this offence only hath he turned me away. If this be all (quoth his mistress) take no care, I'll pacify thy master I warrant thee. So Scoggin remained with his mistress till her husband came home, who said to him, I much marvel husband that you will turn away your man for so small a matter but only for buying you an old Hen instead of a young pullet, now I pray you husband take him again, and I will be his warrant he shall never be the like offence more, the old man perceived how his man had excused the matter to reobtained his favour, he took him again into his service.  
FINIS.