A Most pleasant and excellent conceited Comedy, of Sir john Falstaff, and the merry Wives of Windsor. Intermixed with sundry variable and pleasing humours, of Sir Hugh the Welsh Knight, justice Shallow, and his wise Cousin M. Slender. With the swaggering vain of Ancient Pistol, and Corporal Nym. By William Shakespeare. As it hath been divers times Acted by the right Honourable my Lord Chamberlains servants. Both before her Majesty, and elsewhere. LONDON Printed by T. C. for Arthur johnson, and are to be sold at his shop in Paul's Churchyard, at the sign of the Flower de Leuse and the Crown. 1602. A pleasant conceited Comedy, of Sir john Falstaff, and the merry Wives of Windsor. Enter justice Shallow; Sir Hugh, Master Page, and Slender. Shal. near talk to me, I'll make a star-chamber matter of it. The Council shall know it. Pag. Nay good master Shallow be persuaded by me. Slen. Nay surely my uncle shall not put it up so. Sir Hu. Will you not hear reasons M. Slenders? You should hear reasons. Shal. though he be a knight, he shall not think to carry it so away. M. Page I will not be wronged. For you Sir, I love you, and for my cousin He comes to look upon your daughter. Pa. And here's my hand, and if my daughter Like him so well as I, we'll quickly have it a match: In the mean time let me entreat you to sojourn Here a while. And on my life I'll undertake To make you friends. Sir Hu. I pray you M. Shallows let it be so. The matter is pud to arbitarments. The first man is M. Page, videlicet M. Page. The second is myself, videlicet myself. And the third and last man, is mine host of the gartyr. Enter Sir john Falstaff, Pistol, Bardolfe, and Nim. Here is sir john himself now, look you. Fal. Now M. Shallow, you'll complain of me to the Council, I hear? Shal. Sir john, sir john, you have hurt my keeper, Killed my dogs, stolen my dear. Fal. But not kissed your keeper's daughter. Shal. Well this shall be answered. Fal. I'll answer it straight. I have done all this. This is now answered. Shal. Well, the Council shall know it. Fal. 'tTwere better for you 'ttwere known in counsel, You'll be laughed at. Sir Hu. Good urdes sir john, good urdes. Fal. Good urdes, good Cabbage. Slender I broke your head, What matter have you against me? Slen. I have matter in my head against you and your cogging companions, Pistol and Nym. They carried me to the Tavern and made me drunk, and afterward picked my pocket. Fal. What say you to this Pistol, did you pick Master Slenders purse Pistol? Slen. I by this handkerchief did he. Two fair shovel board shillings, besides seven groats in mill sixpences. Fal. What say you to this Pistol? Pist. Sir john, and Master mine, I combat crave Of this same latin bilbo. I do retort the lie Even in thy gorge, thy gorge, thy gorge. Slen. By this light it was he then. Nym. Sir my honour is not for many words, But if you run base humours of me, I will say mary trap. And there's the humour of it. Fal. You hear these matters denied gentlemen, You hear it. Enter Mistress Ford, Mistress Page, and her daughter Anne. Pa. No more now, I think it be almost dinner time, For my wife is come to meet us. Fal. Mistress Ford, I think your name is, If I mistake not. Sir john kisses her. Mis. Ford. Your mistake sir is nothing but in the Mistress. But my husband's name is Ford sir. Fal. I shall desire your more aequaintance. The like of you good mistresses Page. Mis. Pa. With all my heart sir john. Come husband will you go? Dinner stays for us. Pa. With all my heart, come along Gentlemen. Exit all, but Slender and mistress Anne. Anne. Now forsooth why do you stay me? What would you with me? Slen. Nay for my own part, I would little or nothing with you. I love you well, and my uncle can tell you how my living stands. And if you can love me why so. If not, why then happy man be his dole. An. You say well M. Slender. But first you must give me leave to Be acquainted with your humour, And afterward to love you if I can. Slen. Why by God, there's never a man in christendom can desire more. What have you Bears in your Town mistress Anne, your dog's bark so? An. I cannot tell M. Slender, I think there be. Slen. Ha how say you? I warrant your afeard of a Bear let lose, are you not? An. Yes trust me. Slen. Now that's meat and drink to me, I'll run yond to a Bear, and take her by the mussel, You never saw the like. But indeed I cannot blame you, For they are marvelous rough things. An. Will you go in to dinner M. Slendor? The meat stays for you. Slen. No faith not I. I thank you, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat Near since I broke my shin. I'll tell you how it came By my troth. A Fencer and I played three venies For a dish of stewed prunes, and I with my ward Defending my head, he hot my shin. Yes faith. Enter Master Page. Pa. Come, come Master Slender, dinner stays for you. Slen. I can eat no meat, I thank you. Pa. You shall not choose I say. Slen. I'll follow you sir, pray lead the way. Nay be God mistresses Anne, you shall go first, I have more manners than so, I hope. An. Well sir, I will not be troublesome. Exit omnes. Enter sir Hugh and Simple, from dinner. Sir Hu. Hark you Simple, pray you bear this letter to Doctor Cayus house, the French Doctor. He is twell up along the street, and inquire of his house for one mistress Quickly, his woman, or his try nurse, and deliver this Letter to her, it 'tis about Master Slender. Look you, will you do it now? Sim. I warrant you Sir. Sir Hu. Pray you do, I must not be absent at the grace. I will go make an end of my dinner, There is pepions and cheese behind. Exit omnes. Enter sir john Falstaffes Host of the Garter, Nym, Bardolfe, Pistol, and the boy. Fal. Mine Host of the Garter. Host. What says my bully Rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Mine Host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard bully, Hercules' cassire. Let them wag, trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pound a week. Host. Thou art an Emperor Caesar, Phesser and Kesar bully. I'll entertain Bardolfe. He shall tap, he shall draw. Said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do good mine Host. Host. I have spoke. Let him follow. Bardolfe Let me see thee froth, and lime. I am at A word. Fellow, follow. Exit Host. Fal. Do Bardolfe, a Tapster is a good trade, An old cloak will make a new jerkin, A withered servingman, a fresh Tapster: Fellow him Bardolfe. Bar. I will sir, I'll warrant you I'll make a good shift to live. Exit Bardolfe. Pis. O base gongarian wight, wilt thou the spigot willed? Nym. His mind is not heroic. And there's the humour of it. Fal. Well my Lads, I am almost out at the heels. Pis. Why then let cybes ensue. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. Well I am glad I am so rid of this tinder Boy. His stealth was too open, his filching was like An unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest. Pis. 'tis so indeed Nym, thou hast hit it right. Fal. Well, afore God, I must cheat, I must coney-catch. Which of you knows Ford of this Town? Pis. I ken the wight, he is of substance good. Fal. Well my honest Lads, I'll tell you what I am about. Pis. Two yards and more. Fal. No gibes now Pistol: indeed I am two yards In the waist, but now I am about no waist: Briefly, I am about thrift you rogue's you, I do intend to make love to Fords wife, I espy entertainment in her. She carves, she Discourses. She gives the lyre of invitation, And every part to be constured rightly is, I am Sir john Falstaffes. Pis. He hath studied her well, out of honesty Into English. Fal. Now the report goes, she hath all the rule Of her husband's purse. She hath legians of angels. Pis. As many devils attend her. And to her boy say I. Fal. Heree's a Letter to her. here's another to mistresses Page. Who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my exteriors with such a greedy intention, with the beams of her beauty, that it seemed as she would a scorged me up like a burning glass. Here is another Letter to her, she bears the purse too. They shall be Excheckers to me, and I'll be cheaters to them both. They shall be my East and West Indies, and I'll trade to them both. Hear bear thou this Letter to mistress Ford. And thou this to mistress Page. we'll thrive Lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Panderowes of Troy become? And by my sword were steel. Then Lucifer take all. Nym. Here take your humour Letter again, For my part, I will keep the behaviour Of reputation. And there's the humour of it. Fal. Here sirrah bear me these Letters tightly, Sail like my pinnace to the golden shores: Hence slaves, avant. Vanish like hailstones, go. Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift you rogue, myself and scirted Page. Exit Falstaff, and the Boy. Pis. And art thou gone? Taster I'll have in pouch When thou shalt want, base Phrygian Turk. Nym. I have operations in my head, which are humours of revenge. Pis. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By Welkin and her Fairies. Pis. By wit, or sword? Nym. With both the humours I will disclose this love to Page. I'll poses him with jallowes, And there's the humour of it. Pis. And I to Ford will likewise tell How Falstaff varlet wild, Would have her love, his dove would prove, And eke his bed defile. Nym. Let us about it then. Pis. I'll second thee: sir Corporal Nym troup on. Exit omnes. Enter Mistress Quickly, and Simple. Quic. M. Slender is your Master's name say you? Sim. I indeed that is his name. Quic. How say you? I take it he is somewhat a weakly man: And he has as it were a whey coloured beard. Sim. Indeed my masters beard is kane coloured. Quic. Kane colour, you say well. And is this Letter from sir Yond, about Mistress An, Is it not? Sim. I indeed is it. Quic. So: and your Master would have me as it 'ttwere to speak to mistresses Anne concerning him: I promise you my M. hath a great affectioned mind to mistress Anne himself. And if he should know that I should as they say, give my verdict for any one but himself, I should hear of it thoroughly: For I tell you friend, he puts all his privities in me. Sim. I by my faith you are a good stay to him. Quic. Am I? I and you knew all yowd say so: Washing, brewing, baking, all goes through my hands, Or else it would be but a woe house. Sim. I be shrew me, one woman to do all this, Is very painful. Quic. Are you avised of that? I, I warrant you, Take all, and pay all, all go through my hands, And he is such a honest man, and he should chance To come home and find a man here, we should Have no who with him. He is a parlowes man. Sim. Is he indeed? Quic. Is he quoth you? God keep him abroad: Lord bless me, who knocks there? For God's sake step into the Counting house, While I go see whose at door. He steps into the Countinghouse. What john Rugby, john, Are you come home sir already? And she opens the door. Doct. I begar I be forget my ointment, Where be john Rugby? Enter john. Rug. Here sir, do you call? Doc. I you be john Rugbie, and you be lack Rugby Go run up met your heels, and bring away De ointment in de vindoe present: Make haste john Rugbie. O I am almost forget My simples in a box in the Countinghouse: O jeshu vat be here, a devella, a devella? My Rapier john Rugby, Vat be you, vat make You in my Countinghouse? I tinck you be a teefe. Quic. Ieshu bless me, we are all undone. Sim. O Lord sir no: I am no thief, I am a Servingman: My name is john Simple, I brought a Letter sir From my M. Slender, about mistresses Arm Page Sir: Indeed that is my coming. Doc. I begar is dat all? john Rugby give a ma pen An Ink: tarche un pettit tarche a little. The Doctor writes. Sim. O God what a furious man is this? Quic. Nay it is well he is no worse: I am glad he is so quiet. Doc. Here give that same to sir Hu, it ber ve challenge Begar tell him I will cut his nase, will you? Sim. I sir, I'll tell him so. Doc. Dat be well, my Rapier john Rugby, follow may, Exit Doctor. Quic. Well my friend, I cannot tarry, tell your Master I'll do what I can for him, And so farewell. Sim. Mary will I, I am glad I am got hence. Exit omnes. Enter Mistress Page, reading of a Letter. Mis. Pa. Mistress Page I love you. Ask me no reason, Because their impossible to allege. Your fair, And I am fat. You love sack, so do I: As I am sure I have no mind but to love, So I know you have no heart but to grant A soldier doth not use many words, where a knows A letter may serve for a sentence. I love you, And so I leave you. Yours Sir john Falstaff. Now jeshu bless me, am I methomorphised? I think I know not myself. Why what a God's name doth this man see in me, that thus he shoots at my honesty? Well but that I know my own heart, I should scarcely persuade myself I were hand. Why what an unreasonable woolsack is this. He was never twice in my company, and if then I thought I gave such assurance with my eyes, I'd pull them out, they should never see more holy days. Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I live for his sake. O God that I knew how to be revenged of him. But in good time, here's mistress Ford. Enter Mistress Ford. Mis. For. How now Mistress Page, are you reading Love Letters? How do you woman? Mis. Pa. O woman I am I know not what: In love up to the hard ears. I was never in such a case in my life. Mis. Ford. In love, now in the name of God with whom? Mis. Pa. With one that swears he loves me, And I must not choose but do the like again: I prithee look on that Letter. Mis. For. I'll match your letter just with the like, Line for line, word for word. Only the name Of mistresses Page, and mistresses Ford disagrees: Do me the kindness to look upon this. Mis. Pa. Why this is right my letter. O most notorious villain! Why what a bladder of iniquity is this? Let's be revenged what so ere we do. Mis. For. Revenged, if we live we'll be revenged. O Lord if my husband should see this Letter, I faith this would even give edge to his jealousy. Enter Ford, Page, Pistol and Nym. Mis. Pa. See where our husbands are, Mine's as far from jealousy, As I am from wronging him. Pis. Ford the words I speak are forced: Beware, take heed, for Falstaff loves thy wife: When Pistol lies do this. Ford. Why sir my wife is not young. Pis. He woos both young and old, both rich and poor None comes amiss. I say he loves thy wife: Fair warning did I give, take heed, For summer comes, and Cuckoo birds appear: Page believe him what he says. Away sir Corporal Nym. Exit Pistol: Nym. Sir the humour of it is, he loves your wife, I should ha' borne the humour Letter to her: I speak and I avouch 'tis true: My name is Nym. Farewell, I love not the humour of bread and cheese: And there's the humour of it. Exit Nym. Pa. The humour of it, quoth you: Here's a fellow frites humour out of his wits. Mis. Pa. How now sweet heart, how dost thou? Enter Mistress Quickly. Pa. How now man? How do you mistress Ford? Mis. For. Well I thank you good M. Page. How now husband, how chance thou art so melancholy? Ford. Melancholy, I am not melancholy. Go get you in, go. Mis. For. God save me, see who yonder is: we'll set her a work in this business. Mis. Pa. O she'll serve excellent. Now you come to see my daughter An I am sure. Quic. I forsooth that is my coming. Mis. Pa. Come go in with me. Come Mis. Ford. Mis. For. I follow you Mistress Page. Exit Mistress Ford, Mis. Page, and Quickly. For. M. Page did you hear what these fellows said? Pa. Yes M. Ford, what of that sir? For. Do you think it is true that they told us? Pa. No by my troth do I not, I rather take them to be paltry lying knaves, Such as rather speaks of envy, Then of any certain they have Of any thing. And for the knight, perhaps He hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men Are: But should he love my wife, I faith I'd turn her lose to him: And what he got more of her, Then ill looks, and shroud words, Why let me bear the penalty of it. For. Nay I do not mistrust my wife, Yet I'd be loath to turn them together, A man may be too confident. Enter Host and Shallow. Pa. Here comes my ramping host of the garter, there's either licker in his head, or money in his purse, That he looks so merrily. Now mine Host? Host. God bless you my bully rooks, God bless you. Cavelera justice I say. Shal. At hand mine host, at hand. M. Ford god den to you. God den an twenty good M. Page. I tell you sir we have sport in hand. Host. Tell him cavelira justice: tell him bully rook. Ford. Mine Host a the garter: Host. What says my bully rook? Ford. A word with you sir. Ford and the Host talks. Shal. Hark you sir, I'll tell you what the sport shall be, Doctor Cayus and sir Hu are to fight, My merry Host hath had the measuring Of their weapons, and hath Appointed them contrary places. Hark in your ear: Host: Hast thou no shoot against my knight, My guest, my cavellira: For. None I protest: But tell him my name Is Brooke, only for a jest. Host: My hand bully: Thou shalt Have egress and regress, and thy Name shall be Brook: Sed I well bully Hector? Shal. I tell you what M. Page, I believe The Doctor is no jester, he'll lay it on: For though we be justices and Doctors, And Church men, yet we are The sons of women M. Page: Pa: True master Shallow: Shall: It will be found so master Page: Pa. Master Shallow you yourself Have been a great fighter, though now a man of peace: Shall: M. Page I have seen the day that young Tall fellows with their stroke & their passado, I have made them trudge Master Page, A 'tis the heart, the heart doth all: I Have seen the day, with my two hand sword I would a made you four tall Fencers Scipped like Rats. Host. Here boys, shall we wag, shall we wag? Shal. Ha with you mine host. Exit Host and Shallow. Pa. Come M. Ford, shall we to dinner? I know these fellows sticks in your mind. For. No in good sadness not in mine: Yet for all this I'll try it further, I will not leave it so: Come M. Page, shall we to dinner? Pa. With all my heart sir, I'll follow you. Exit omnes. Enter Sir john, and Pistol. Fal. I'll not lend thee a penny. Pis. I will retort the sum in equipage. Fal. Not a penny: I have been content you should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon my good friends for 3. reprives, for you and your Coach-fellow Nym, else you might a looked thorough a grate like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to Gentlemen your good soldiers and tall fellows: And when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her Fan, I tooked on my hothou hadst it not. Pis. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? Fal. Reason you rogue, reason. Dost thou think I'll endanger my soul gratis? In brief, hang no more about me, I am no gybit for you. A short knife and a throng to your manner of picked hatch, go. You'll not bear a Letter for me you rogue you: you stand upon your honour. Why thou unconfinable baseness thou, 'tis as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, am feign to shuffel, to filch & to lurch. And yet you stand upon your honour, you rogue. You, you. Pis. I do recant: what wouldst thou more of man? Fal. Well, gotoo, away, no more. Enter Mistress Quickly. Quic. Good you god den sir. Fal. Good den fair wife. Quic. Not so ant like your worship. Fal. Fair maid then. Quic. That I am I'll be sworn, as my mother was The first hour I was borne. Sir I would speak with you in private. Fal. Say on I prithee, here's none but my own household. Quic. Are they so? Now God bless them, and make them his servants. Sir I come from Mistress Ford. Fal. So from Mistress Ford. Goeon. Quic. I sir, she hath sent me to you to let you Understand she hath received your Letter, And let me tell you, she is one stands upon her credit. Fal. Well, come Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford. Quic. I sir, and as they say, she is not the first Hath been led in a fools paradise. Fal. Nay prithee be brief my good she Mercury. Quic. Mary sir, she'd have you meet her between eight and nine. Fal. So between eight and nine: Quic. I forsooth, for then her husband goes a birding, Fal. Well commend me to thy mistress, tell her I will not fail her: Boy give her my purse. Quic. Nay sir I have another arant to do to you From mistresses Page: Fal. From mistresses Page? I prithee what of her? Quic. By my troth I think you work by Enchantments, Else they could never love you as they do: Fal. Not I, I assure thee: setting the atraction of my Good parts aside, I use no other enchantments: Quic. Well sir, she loves you extremely: And let me tell you, she's one that fears God, And her husband gives her leave to do all: For he is not half so jealousy as M. Ford is. Fal. But hark thee, hath mistresses Page & mistress Ford, Acquainted each other how dearly they love me? Quic. O God no sir: there were a jest indeed. Fal. Well farewell, commend me to mistresses Ford, I will not fail her say. Quic. God be with your worship. Exit Mistress Quickly. Enter Bardolfe. Bar. Sir here's a Gentleman, One M. Brooke, would speak with you, He hath sent you a cup of sack. Fal. M. Brook, he's welcome: Bid him come up, Such Brooks are always welcome to me: A jack, will thy old body yet hold out? Wilt thou after the expense of so much money Be now a gainer? Good body I thank thee, And I'll make more of thee then I ha' done: Ha, ha, mistresses Ford, and mistresses Page, have I caught you a the hip? go too. Enter Ford disguised like Brooke. For. God save you sir. Fal. And you too, would you speak with me? Fal. Mary would I sir, I am somewhat bold to trouble you, My name is Brooke. Fal. Good M. Brooke your very welcome. For. I faith sir I am a gentleman and a traveler, That have seen somewhat. And I have often heard That if money goes before, all ways lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier sir, and will on. For. I faith sir, and I have a bag here, Would you would help me to bear it. Fal. O Lord, would I could tell how to deserve To be your porter. For. That may you easily sir john: I have an earnest Suit to you. But good sir john when I have Told you my grief, cast one eye of your own Estate, since yourself knew what 'tis to be Such an offender. Fal. Very well sir, proceed. For. Sir I am deeply in love with one Fords wife Of this Town. Now sir john you are a gentleman Of good discoursing, well beloved among Ladies, A man of such parts that might win 20. such as she. Fal. O good sir. For. Nay believe it sir john, for 'tis time. Now my love Is so grounded upon her, that without her love I shall hardly live. Fal. Have you importuned her by any means? Ford. No never Sir. Fal. Of what quality is your love then? Ford. I faith sir, like a fair house set upon Another man's foundation. Fal. And to what end have you unfolded this to me? For. O sir, when I have told you that, I told you all: For she sir stands so pure in the firm state Of her honesty, that she is too bright to be looked Against: Now could I come against her With some detection, I should sooner persuade her From her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice Terms that she'll stand upon. Fal. Why would it apply well to the veruensie of your affection, That another should possess what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe very proposterously To yourself. For. No sir, for by that means should I be certain of that which I now misdoubt. Fal. Well M. Brooke, I'll first make bold with your money, Next, give me your hand. Lastly, you shall And you will, enjoy Fords wife. For. O good sir. Fal. M. Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money Sir john, you shall want none. Fal. Want no Mistress Ford M. Brooke, You shall want none. Even as you came to me, Her spokes mate, her go between parted from me: I may tell you M. Brooke, I am to meet her Between 8. and 9 for at that time the jealous Cuckally knave her husband will be from home, Come to me soon at night, you shall know how I speed M. Brooke. Ford. Sir do you know Ford? Fal. Hang him poor cuckally knave, I know him not, And yet I wrong him to call him poor. For they Say the cuckally knave hath legions of angels, For the which his wife seems to me well favoured, And I'll use her as the key of the cuckally knaves Coffer, and there's my randevowes. Ford. Methinks sir it were very good that you knew Ford, that you might shun him. Fal. Hang him cuckally knave, I'll stare him Out of his wits, I'll keep him in awe With this my cudgel: It shall hang like a meator o'er the wittolly knaves head, M. Brooke thou shalt See I will predominate over the peasant, And thou shalt lie with his wife. M. Brook Thou shalt know him for knave and cuckold, Come to me soon at night. Exit Falstaff. Ford. What a damned epicurian is this? My wife hath sent for him, the plot is laid: Page is an Ass, a fool. A secure Ass, I'll sooner trust an Irishman with my Aquavita bottle, Sir Hu our parson with my cheese, A thief to walk my ambling gelding, them my wife With herself: then she plots, than she ruminates, And what she thinks in her heart she may effect, she'll break her heart but she will effect it. God be praised, God be praised for my jealousy: Well I'll go prevent him, the time draws on, Better an hour too soon, than a minit too late, Gods my lise cuckold, cuckold. Exit Ford. Enter the Doctor and his man. Doc. john Rugbie go look met your eyes o'er the stall, And spy and you can see de parson. Rug. Sir I cannot tell whether he be there or no, But I see a great many coming. Doc. Bully moy, mon rapier john Rugabie, begar Hearing be not so dead as I shall make him. de Enter Shallow, Page, my Host, and Slender. Pa. God save you M. Doctor Cayus. Shal. How do you M. Doctor? Host. God bless thee my bully doctor, God bless thee, Doc. Vat be all you, Van to tree come for, a? Host. Bully to see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there, to see thee pass the punto. The stock, the reverse, the distance: the montnce is a dead my francoyes? Is a dead my Ethiopian? Ha what says my gallon? my escuolapis? Is a dead bullies tail, is a dead? Doc. Begar de priest be a coward jack knave, He dare not show his face. Host. Thou art a castallian king urinal. Hector of Greece my boy. Shal. He hath shown himself the wiser man M. Doctor: Sir Hugh is a Parson, and you a Physician. You must Go with me M. Doctor. Host. Pardon bully justice. A word monsire mockwater. Doc. Mockwater, vat me that? Host. That is in our English tongue, Vallorbully, valour. Doc. Begar den I have as mockuater as de English jack dog, knave. Host. He will claperclaw thee tightly bully. Doc. Claperclawe, vat be dat? Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Doc. Begar I do look he shall claperclaw me den, And I'll provoke him to do it, or let him wag: And moreover bully, but M. Page and M. Shallow, And eke cavellira Slender, go you all over the fields to Frogmore? Pa. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: go see what humour he is in, I'll bring the Doctor about by the fields: Will it do well? Shal. We will do it my host. Farewell M. Doctor. Exit all but the Host and Doctor. Doc. Begar I will kill de cowardly jack priest, He is make a fool of moy. Host. Let him die, but first fheth your impatience, Throw cold water on your colour, come go with me Through the fields to Frogmore, and I'll bring thee Where mistress An Page is a feasting at a farm house, And thou shalt wear her cried game: said I well bully Doc. Begar excellent vel: and if you speak pour moy, I shall procure you de guess of all de gentlemen mon patinces. I begar I shall. Host. For the which I'll be thy adversary To mistresses An Page: Sed I well? Doc. I begar excellent. Host. Let us wag then. Doc. Alon, alone, alone. Exit omnes. Enter Sir Hugh and Simple. Sir Hu. I pray you do so much as see if you can espy Doctor Cayus coming, and give me intelligence, Or bring me vrde if you please now. Sim. I will Sir. Sir Hu. Ieshu bless me, how my heart trobes, and trobes, And then she made him beads of Roses, And a thousand fragrant poses, To shallow riveres. Now so kad judge me, my heart Swells more and more. Me thinks I can cry Very well. There dwelled a man in Babylon, To shallow rivers and to falls, Melodious birds sing Madrigals. Sim. Sir here is M. Page, and M. Shallow, Coming hither as fast as they can. Sir Hu. Then it is very necessary I put up my sword, Pray give me my cowne too, mark you. Enter Page, shallow, and Slender. Pa. God save you Sir Hugh. Shal. God save you M. parson. Sir Hu. God plesse you all from his mercy's sake now. Pa. What the word and the sword, doth that agree well? Sir Hu. There is reasons and causes in all things, I warrant you now. Pa. Well Sir Hugh, we are come to crave Your help and furtherance in a matter. Sir Hu. What is I pray you? Pa. I faith 'tis this sir Hugh. There is an ancient friend of ours, a man of very good sort, so at odds with one patience, that I am sure you would heartily grieve to see him. Now Sir Hugh, you are a scholar well red, and very persuasive, we would entreat you to see if you could entreat him to patience. Sir Hu. I pray you who is it? Let us know that. Pa. I am sure you know him, 'tis Doctor Cayus. Sir Hu. I had as leeve you should tell me of a mess of porridge, He is an arant lousy beggarly knave: And he is a coward beside. Pa. Why I'll lay my life 'tis the man That he should fight withal. Enter Doctor and the Host, they offer to fight. Shal. Keep them asunder, take away their weapons. Host. Disarm, let them question. Shal. Let them keep their limbs hole, and hack our English. Doc. Hark van urd in your ear. You be un daga And de jack, coward priest. Sir Hu. Hark you, let us not be laughing stocks to other men's humours. By jeshu I will knock your urinals about your knaves cockcomes, for missing your meetings and appointments. Doc. O jeshu mine host of de garter, john Rogoby, Have I not met him at the place he make appoint, Have I not? Sir Hu. So kad judge me, this is the appointment place, Witness by my Host of the garter. Host. Peace I say gall and gawlias, French and Wealch, Soul curer, and body curer. Doc. This is very brave, excellent. Host. Peace I say, hear mine host of the garter, Am I wise? am I politic? am I Matchavil? Shall I lose my doctor? No, he gives me the motions And the potions. Shall I lose my parson, my sir Hu? No, he gives me the proverbs, and ●●e noverbes: Give me thy hand terrestial, So give me thy hand celestial: So boys of art I have deceived you both, I have directed you to wrong places, Your hearts are mighty, you skins are whole, Bardolfe lay their swords to pawn. Fellow me lads Of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la. Follow. Exit Host. Shal. Afore God a mad host, come let us go. Doc. I begar have you mocka may thus? I will be even met you my jack Host. Sir Hu. Give me your hand Doctor Cayus, We be all friends: But for mine hosts foolish knavery, let me alone. Doc. I that be well begar I be friends. Exit omnes Enter M. Ford. For. The time draws on he should come to my house, Well wife, you had best work closely, Or I am like to go beyond your cunning: I now will seek my guess that comes to dinner, And in good time see where they all are come. Enter Shallow, Page, host, Slender, Doctor, and sir Hugh. By my faith a knot well met: your welcome all. Pa. I thank you good M. Ford. For. Welcome good M. Page, I would your daughter were here. Pa. I thank you sir, she is very well at home. Slen. Father Page I hope I have your consent For Mistress Anne? Pa. You have son Slender, but my wife here, Is altogether for master Doctor. Doc. Begar I tanck her heartily: Host. But what say you to young Master Fenton? He caper's, he dances, he writes verses, he smells All April and May: he will carry it, he will carit, 'tis in his betmes he will carite. Pa. My host not with my consent: the gentleman is Wild, he knows too much: If he take her, Let him take her simply: for my goods goes With my liking, and my liking goes not that way. For. Well I pray go home with me to dinner: Besides your cheer I'll show you wonders: I'll Show you a monster. You shall go with me. M. Page, and so shall you sir Hugh, and you Master Doctor. S Hu. If there be one in the company, I shall make two: Doc. And dear be ven to, I shall make de tird: Sir Hu, In your teeth for shame, Shall: well, well, God be with you, we shall have the fairer Wooing at Master Pages: Exit Shallow and Slender, Host I'll to my honest knight sir john Falstaff, And drink Canary with him. Exit host. Ford. I may chance to make him drink in pipe wine, First come gentlemans. Exit omnes. Enter Mistress Ford, with two of her men, and a great buck busket. Mis. For. Sirrah, if your M. ask you whither You carry this basket, say to the Launderers, I hope you know how to bestow it? Ser. I warrant you mistresses. Exit servant. Mis. For. Go get you in. Well sir john, I believe I shall serve you such a trick, You shall have little mind to come again. Enter Sir john. Fal. Have I caught my heavenly jewel? Why now let me die. I have lived long enough, This is the happy hour I have desired to see, Now shall I sin in my wish, I would thy husband were dead. Mis. For. Why how then sir john? Fal. By the Lord, I'd make thee my Lady. Mis. For. Alas sir john, I should be a very simple Lady. Fal. Go too, I see how thy eye doth emulate the Diamond. And how the arched bent of thy brow Would become the ship tyre, the tire vellet, Oranie Venetian attire, I see it. Mis. For. A plain kercher sir john, would fit me better. Fal. By the Lord thou art a traitor to say so: What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee there's somewhat extraordinary in thee: Go too I love thee: Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, like one Of these fellows that smells like Bucklers-berie, In simple time, but I love thee, And none but thee. Mis. For. Sir john, I am afraid you love mistresses Page. Fal. I thou mightest as well say I love to walk by the Counter gate, Which is as hateful to me As the reak of a lime kill. Enter Mistress Page. Mis. Pa. Mistress Ford, Mis. Ford, where are you? Mis. For. O Lord step aside good sir john. Falstaff stands behind the arras. How now Mistress Page what's the matter? Mis. Pa. Why your husband woman is coming, With half Windsor at his heels, To look for a gentleman that he says Is hid in his house: his wife's sweet heart. Mis. For. Speak louder. But I hope 'tis not true Mistress Page. Mis. Pa. 'tis too true woman. Therefore if you Have any here, away with him, or your undone for ever. Mis. For. Alas mistress Page, what shall I do? Here is a gentleman my friend, how shall I do? Mis. Pa. Good body woman, do not stand what shall I do, and what shall I do. Better any shift, rather than you shamed. Look here, here's a buck-basket, if he be a man of any reasonable size, he'll in here. Mis. For. Alas I fear he is too big. Fal. Let me see, let me see, I'll in, I'll in, Fellow your friend's counsel. A side. Mis. Pa. Fie sir john is this your love? Go too. Fal. I love thee, and none but thee: Help me to convey me hence, I'll never come here more. Sir john goes into the basket, they put clothes over him, the two men carries it away: Ford meets it, and all the rest, Page, Doctor, Priest, Slender, Shallow. Ford. Come pray along, you shall see all. How now who goes hear? whither goes this? Whither goes it? set it down. Mis. For. Now let it go, you had best meddle with buck-washing. Ford. Buck, good buck, pray come along, Master Page take my keys: help to search. Good Sir Hugh pray come along, help a little, a little, I'll show you all. Sir Hu. By jeshu these are jealousies & distemperes. Exit omnes. Mis. Pa. He is in a pitiful taking. Mis. I wonder what he thought When my husband bade them set down the basket. Mis. Pa. Hang him dishonest slave, we cannot use Him bad enough. This is excellent for your Husband's jealousy. Mi. For. Alas poor soul it grieves me at the heart, But this will be a means to make him cease His jealous fits, if Falstaff's love increase. Mis. Pa. Nay we will send to Falstaff once again, 'tis great pity we should leave him: What wives may be merry, and yet honest too. Mi. For. Shall we be condemned because we laugh? 'tis old, but true: still sows eat all the draff. Enter all. Mis. Pa. Here comes your husband, stand aside. For. I can find no body within, it may be he lied. Mis. Pa. Did you hear that? Mis. For. I, I, peace. For. Well I'll not let it go so, yet I'll try further. S. Hu. By jeshu if there be any body in the kitchen Or the cuberts, or the press, or the buttery, I am an arrant jew: Now God plesse me: You serve me well, do you not? Pa. Fie M. Ford you are too blame: Mis. Pa. I faith 'tis not well M. Ford to suspect Her thus without cause. Doc. No by my trot it be no well: For. Well I pray bear with me, M. Page pardon me. I suffer for it, I suffer for it: Sir Hu: You suffer for a bad conscience look you now: Ford: Well I pray no more, another time I'll tell you all: The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife, I am sorry. M. Page pray go in to dinner, Another time I'll tell you all. Pa: Well let it be so, and to morrow I invite you all To my house to dinner: and in the morning we'll A birding, I have an excellent Hawk for the bush. Ford: Let it be so: Come M. Page, come wife: I pray you come in all, your welcome, pray come in. Sir Hu: By so kad udgme, M. fords is Not in his right wits: Exit omnes: Enter Sir john Falstaff. fall: Bardolfe brew me a pottle sack presently: Bar: With Eggs sir? fall: Simply of itself, I'll none of these pullet's sperm In my drink: go make haste. Have I lived to be carried in a basket and thrown into the Thames like a barow of Butcher's offoll. Well, and I be served such another trick, I'll give them leave to take out my brains and butter them, and give them to a dog for a new years gift. 'Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they had gone to drown a blind bitches puppies in the litter: and they might know by my size I have a kind of alacrity in sinking: and the bottom had been as deep as hell I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and somewhat shallow: a death that I abhor. For you know the water swells a man: and what a thing should I have been when I had been swelled: By the Lord a mountain of money. Now is the Sack brewed? Bar. I sir, there's a woman below would speak with you. Fal. Bid her come up. Let me put some Sack among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles for pills. Enter Mistress Quickly. Now what's the news with you? Quic. I come from mistresses Ford forsooth. Fal. Mistress Ford, I have had Ford enough, I have been thrown into the Ford, my belly is full Of Ford: she hath tickled me. Quic. O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her servants mistook, that ever lived. And sir, she would desire you of all loves you will meet her once again, to morrow sir, between ten and eleven, and she hopes to make amends for all. Fal. Ten, and eleven, sayest thou? Quic. I forsooth. Fal. Well, tell her I'll meet her. Let her but think Of man's frailty: Let her judge what man is, And then think of me. And so farewell. quicksands You'll not fail sir? Exit mistress Quickly. Fal. I will not fail. Commend me to her. I wonder I hear not of M. Brooke, I like his Money well. By the mass here he is. Enter Brooke. For. God save you sir. Fal. Welcome good M. Brooke. You come to know how matters goes. Ford. That's my coming indeed sir john. Fal. M. Brook I will not lie to you sir, I was there at my appointed time. For. And how sped you sir? Fal. Very ill favouredly sir. For. Why sir, did she change her determination? Fal. No M. Brooke, but you shall hear. After we had kissed and embraced, and as it were even amid the prologue of our encounter, who should come, but the jealous knave her husband, and a rabble of his companions at his heels, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper. And what to do think you? to search for his wives love. Even so, plainly so. For. While ye were there? Fal. Whilst I was there. For. And did he search and could not find you? Fal. You shall hear sir, as God would have it, A little before comes me one Pages wife, Gives her intelligence of her husbands Approach: and by her invention, and Fords wives Distraction, conveyed me into a buck-basket. Ford. A buck basket! Fal. By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in With foul shirts, stokins, greasy napkins, That M. Brooke, there was a compound of the most Villainous smell, that ever offended nostril. I'll tell you M. Brooke, by the Lord for your sake I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference Of a pack, Hilt to point, he'll to head: and then to Be stewed in my own grease like a Dutch dish: A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was marvel I Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this, To be thrown into Thames like a horseshoe hot: Master Brooke, think of that hissing heat, Master Brooke. Ford. Well sir then my shoot is void? You'll undertake it no more? Fal. M. Brook, I'll be thrown into Aetna As I have been in the Thames, Ere I thus leave her: I have received Another appointment of meeting, Between ten and eleven is the hour. Ford: Why sir, 'tis almost ten already: fall: Is it? why then will I address myself For my appointment: M. Brooke come to me soon At night, and you shall know how I speed, And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her love: You shall cuckold Ford: Come to me soon at at night. Exit Falstaff. For. Is this a dream? Is it a vision? Master Ford, master Ford, awake master Ford, There is a hole made in your best coat M. Ford, And a man shall not only endure this wrong, But shall stand under the taunt of names, Lucifer is a good name, Barbason good: good devils names: But cuckold, wittold, godeso The devil himself hath not such a name: And they may hang hats here, and napkins here Upon my horns: Well I'll home, I ferret him, And unless the devil himself should aid him, I'll search unpossible places: I'll about it, Lest I repent too late: Exit omnes. Enter M. Fenton, Page, and mistress Quickly. Fen: Tell me sweet Nan, how dost thou yet resolve, Shall foolish Slender have thee to his wife? Or one as wise as he, the learned Doctor? Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden heart? Thou know'st that I have always loved thee dear, And thou hast oft times swore the like to me. An: Good M. Fenton, you may assure yourself My heart is settled upon none but you, 'tis as my father and mother please: Get their consent, you quickly shall have mine. Fen: Thy father thinks I love thee for his wealth, though I must needs confess at first that drew me, But since thy virtues wiped that trash away, I love thee Nan, and so dear is it set, That whilst I live, I near shall thee forget. Gods pity here comes her father. Enter M. Page his wife, M. Shallow, and Slender. Pa. M. Fenton I pray what make you here? You know my answer sir, she's not for you: Knowing my vow, to blame to use me thus. Fen. But hear me speak sir. Pa. Pray sir get you gone: Come hither daughter, Son Slender let me speak with you. (they whisper. Quic. Speak to Mistress Page. Fen. Pray mistresses Page let me have your consent. Mis. Pa. I faith M. Fenton 'tis as my husband please. For my part I'll neither hinder you, nor further you. Quic. How say you this was my doings? I bid you speak to mistresses Page. Fen. Here nurse, there's a brace of angels to drink, Work what thou canst for me, farewell. (Exit Fen. Quic. By my troth so I will, good heart. Pa. Come wife, you an I will in, we'll leave M. Slender And my daughter to talk together. M. Shallow, You may stay sir if you please. Exit Page and his wife. Shal. Mary I thank you for that: To her cousin, to her. Slen. I faith I know not what to say. An. Now M. Slender, what's your will? Slen. Godeso there's a jest indeed: why mistresses An, I never made will yet: I thank God I am wise enough for that. Shal. Fie cusse fie, thou art not right, O thou hadst a father. Slen. I had a father mistresses Anne, good uncle Tell the jest how my father stole the goose out of The henloft. All this is nought, hark you mistress Anne. Shal. He will make you jointer of three hundred pound a year, he shall make you a Gentlewoman. Slend. I be God that I vill, come cut and long tail, as good as any is in Glostershire, under the degree of a Squire. An. O God how many gross faults are hid, And covered in three hundred pound a year? Well M. Slender, within a day or two I'll tell you more. Slend. I thank you good mistresses Anne, uncle I shall have her. Quic. M. Shallow, M. Page would pray you to come you, and you M. Slender, and you mistress An. Slend. Well Nurse, if you'll speak for me, I'll give you more than I'll talk of. Exit omnes but Quickly. Quic. Indeed I will, I'll speak what I can for you, But specially for M. Fenton: But specially of all for my Master. And indeed I will do what I can for them all three. Exit. Enter mistresses Ford and her two men. Mis. For. Do you hear? when your M. comes take up this basket as you did before, and if your M. bid you set it down, obey him. Ser. I will forsooth. Enter Sir john. Mis. For. Sir john welcome. Fal. What are you sure of your husband now? Mis. For. He is gone a birding sir john, and I hope will not come home yet. Enter mistress Page. God's body here is mistresses Page, Step behind the arras good sir john. He steps behind the arras. Mis. Pa. Mistress Ford, why woman your husband is in his old vain again, he's coming to search for your sweet heart, but I am glad he is not here. Mis. For. O God mistresses Page the knight is here, What shall I do? Mis. Pa. Why then you're undone woman, unless you make some means to shift him away. Mis. For. Alas I know no means, unless we put him in the basket again. Fal. No I'll come no more in the basket, I'll creep up into the chimney. Mis. For. There they use to discharge their Fowling pieces. Fal. Why then I'll go out of doors. Mi. Pa. Then your undone, your but a dead man. Fal. For God's sake devise any extremity, Rather than a mischief. Mis. Pa. Alas I know not what means to make, If there were any woman's apparel would fit him, He might put on a gown and a muffler, And so escape. Mi. For. That's well remembered, my maid's Aunt Gillian of Brainford, hath a gown above. Mis. Pa. And she is altogether as fat as he. Mis. For. I that will serve him of my word. Mis. Pa. Come go with me sir john, I'll help to dress you. Fal. Come for God sake, any thing. Exit Mis. Page, & Six john. Enter M. Ford, Page, Priest, Shallow, the two men carries the basket, and Ford meets it. For. Come along I pray, you shall know the cause, How now whither go you? Ha whither go you? Set down the basket you ssave, You panderly rogue set it down. Mis. For. What is the reason that you use me thus? For. Come hither set down the basket, Mistress Ford the modest woman, Mistress Ford the virtuous woman, She that hath the jealous fool to her husband, I mistrust you without cause do I not? Mis. For. I Gods my record do you. And if you mistrust me in any ill sort. Ford. Well said brazen face, hold it out, You youth in a basket, come out here, Pull out the clothes, search. Hu. Ieshu plesse me, will you pull up your wives clothes? Pa. Fie M. Ford you are not to go abroad if you be in these fits. Sir Hu. By so kad judge me, 'tis very necessary He were put in pethlem. For. M. Page, as I am an honest man M. Page, There was one conveyed out of my house here yesterday out of this basket, why may he not be here now? Mi. For. Come mistress Page, bring the old woman down. For. Old woman, what old woman? Mi. For. Why my maiden's Ant, Gillian of Brainford. A witch, have I not forewarned her my house, Alas we are simple we, we know not what Is brought to pass under the colour of fortune▪ Telling. Come down you witch, come down. Enter Falstaff disguised like an old woman, and mistresses Page with him, Ford beats him, and he runs away. Away you witch get you gone. Sir Hu. By jeshu I verily think she is a witch indeed, I espied under her muster a great beard. Ford. Pray come help me to search, pray now. Pa. Come we'll go for his mind's sake. Exit omnes. Mi. For. By my troth he beat him most extremely. Mi. Pa. I am glad of it, what shall we proceed any further? Mi. For. No faith, now if you will let us tell our husbands of it. For mine I am sure hath almost fretted himself to death. Mi. Pa. Content, come we'll go tell them all, And as they agree, so will we proceed. Exit both. Enter Host and Bardolfe. Bar. Sir here be three Gentlemen come from the Duke the Stanger sir, would have your horse. Host. The Duke, what Duke? let me speak with the Gentlemen, do they speak English? Bar: I'll call them to you sir. Host. No Bardolfe, let them alone, I'll sauce them: They have had my house a week at command, I have turned away my other guess, They shall have my horses Bardolfe, They must come off, I'll sauce them. Exit omnes. Enter Ford, Page, their wives, Shallow, and Slender. Sir Hu. Ford. Well wife, here take my hand, upon my soul I love thee dearer than I do my life, and joy I hnue so true and constant wife, my jealousy shall never more offend thee. Mi. For. Sir I am glad, & that which I have done, Was nothing else but mirth and modesty. Pa. I mistresses Ford, Falstaff hath all the grief, And in this knavery my wife was the chief. Mi. Pa. No knavery husband, it was honest mirth. Hu. Indeed it was good pastimes & merriments. Mis. For. But sweet heart shall we leave old Falstaff so? Mis. Pa. O by no means, send to him again. Pa. I do not think he'll come being so much deceived. For. Let me alone, I'll to him once again like Brook, and know his mind whether he'll come or not. Pa. There must be some plot laid, or he'll not come. Mis. Pa. Let us alone for that. Hear my device. Oft have you heard since Horn the hunter died, That women to affright their little children, Sesse that he walks in shape of a great stag. Now for that Falstaff hath been so deceived, As that he dares not venture to the house, we'll send him word to meet us in the field, Disguised like Horn, with huge horns on his head, The hour shallbe just between twelve and one, And at that time we will meet him both: Then would I have you present there at hand, With little boys disguised and dressed like Fairies, For to affright fat Falstaff in the woods. And then to make a period to the jest, Tell Falstaff all, I think this will do best. Pa. 'tis excellent, and my daughter Anne, Shall like a little Fairy be disguised. Mis. Pa. And in that Mask I'll make the Doctor steal my daughter An, & ere my husband knows it, to carry her to Church, and marry her. Mis. For. But who will buy the silks to tire the boys? Pa. That will I do, and in a rob of white I'll clothe my daughter, and advertise Slender To know her by that sign, and steal her thence, And unknown to my wife, shall marry her. Hu. So kad judge me the devices is excellent. I will also be there, and be like a jackanapes, And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries. Mis. Pa. Why then we are revenged sufficiently. First he was carried and thrown in the Thames, Next beaten well, I am sure you'll witness that. Mi. For. I'll lay my life this makes him nothing fat. Pa. Well let's about this stratagem, I long To see deceit deceived, and wrong have wrong. For, Well send to Falstaff, and if he come thither, 'twill make us smile and laugh one month together. Exit omnes. Enter Host and Simple. Host. What would thou have boor, what thick-skin? Speak, breath, discus, short, quick, brief, snap. Sim. Sir, I am sent from my M. to sir john Falstaff. Host. Sir john, there's his Castle, his standing bed, his trundle bed, his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new, go knock, he'll speak like an Antripophiginian to thee: Knock I say. Sim. Sir I should speak with an old woman that went up into his chamber. Host. An old woman, the knight may be rob, I'll call bully knight, bully sir john. Speak from thy Lungs military: it is thine host, thy Ephesian calls. Fal. Now mine Host. Host: Here is a Bohemian tarter bully, tarries the coming down of the fat woman: Let her descend bully, let her descend, my chambers are honourable, pah privasie, fie. Fal. Indeed mine host there was afat woman with me, But she is gone. Enter Sir john. Sim. Pray sir was it not the wise woman of Brainford? Fal. Marry was it Musselshell, what would you? Sim. Marry sir my master Slender sent me to her, To know whether one Nim that hath his chain, Cozened him of it, or no. Fal. I talked with the woman about it. Sim. And I pray sir what says she? Fal. Marry she says the very same man that Beguiled master Slender of his chain, Cozened him of it. Sim. May I be bold to tell my master so sir? Fal. I tike, who more bold. Sim. I thank you sir, I shall make my master a glad man at these tidings, God be with you sir. Host. Thou art clerkly sir john, thou art clerkly, Was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. Marry was there mine host, one that taught Me more wit than I learned this 7. year, And I paid nothing for it, But was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolfe. Bar. O Lord sir cozenage, plain cozenage. Host. Why man, where be my horses? where be the Germans? Bar. Rid away with your horses: After I came beyond Maidenhead, They fling me in a slow of mire, & away they ran. Enter Doctor. Doc. Where be my Host de gartyre? Host. O here sir in perplexity. Doc. I cannot tell vad be dad, But begar I will tell you van ting, Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court, Has cozened all the host of Branford, And Redding: begar I tell you for good will, Ha, ha, mine Host, am I even met you? Exit. Enter Sir Hugh. Sir Hu. Where is mine Host of the gartyr? Now my Host, I would desire you look you now, To have a care of your entertainments, For there is three sorts of cozen garmombles, Is cozen all the Host of Maidenhead & Readins, Now you are an honest man, and a scurvy beggarly lousy knave beside: And can point wrong places, I tell you for good will, grate why mine Host. Exit. Host. I am cozened Hugh, and coy Bardolfe, Sweet knight assist me, I am cozened. Exit. Fal. Would all the worell were cozened for me, For I am cozened and beaten too. Well, I never prospered since I forswore Myself at Primero: and my wind Were but long enough to say my prayers, I'd repent, now from whence come you? Enter Mistress Quickly. Quic. From the two parties forsooth. Fal. The devil take the one party, And his dam the other, And they'll be both bestowed. I have endured more for their sakes, Then man is able to endure. Quic. O Lord sir, they are the sorowfulst creatures That ever lived: specially mistress Ford, Her husband hath beaten her that she is all Black and blue poor soul. Fal. What tellest me of black and blue, I have been beaten all the colours in the Rainbow, And in my escape like to a been apprehended For a witch of Brainford, and set in the stocks. Quic. Well sir, she is a sorrowful woman, And I hope when you hear my errant, You'll be persuaded to the contrary. Fal. Come go with me into my chamber, I'll hear thee. Exit omnes. Enter Host and Fenton. Host. Speak not to me sir, my mind is heavy, I have had a great loss. Fen. Yet hear me, and as I am a gentleman, I'll give you a hundred pound toward your loss. Host. Well sir I'll hear you, and at least keep your counsel. Fen. Then thus my host. 'tis not unknown to you, The fervent love I bear to young Anne Page, And mutally her love again to me: But her father still against her choice, Doth seek to marry her to foolish Slender, And in a rob of white this night disguised, Wherein fat Falstaff had a mighty scare, Must Slender take her and carry her to Catlen, And there unknown to any, marry her. Now her mother still against that match, And firm for Doctor Cayus, in a rob of red By her device, the Doctor must steal her thence, And she hath given consent to go with him. Host. Now which means she to deceive, father or mother? Fen. Both my good Host, to go along with me. Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest, And tarry ready at the appointment place, To give our heart's united matrimony. Host. But how will you come to steal her from among them? Fen. That hath sweet Nan and I agreed upon, And by a rob of white, the which she wears, With ribones pendant flaring 'bout her head, I shallbe sure to know her, and convey her thence, And bring her where the priest abides our coming, And by thy furtherance there be married. Host. Well, husband your device, I'll to the Vicar, Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a Priest. Fen. So shall I evermore be bound unto thee. Besides I'll always be thy faithful friend. Exit omnes. Enter sir john with a Bucks head upon him. Fal. This is the third time, well I'll venture, They say there is good luck in old numbers, jove transformed himself into a bull, And I am here a Stag, and I think the fattest In all Windsor forest: well I stand here For Horn the hunter, waiting my Does coming. Enter mistress Page, and mistress Ford. Mis. Pa. Sir john, where are you? Fal. Art thou come my do? what and thou too? Welcome Ladies. Mi. For. I I sir john, I see you will not fail, Therefore you deserve far better than our loves, But it grieves me for your late crosses. Fal. This makes amends for all. Come divide me between you, each a haunch, For my horns I'll bequeath them to your husbands, Do I speak like Horn the hunter, ha? Mis. Pa. God forgive me, what noise is this? There is a noise of horns, the two women run away. Enter sir Hugh like a Satire, and boys dressed like Fairies, mistress Quickly, like the Queen of Fairies: they sing a song about him, and afterward speak. quicksands: You Fairies that do haunt these shady groves, Look round about the wood if you can espy A mortal that doth haunt our sacred round: If such a one you can espy, give him his due, And leave not till you pinch him black and blue: Give them their charge Puck ere they part away. Sir Hu. Come hither Pain, go to the country houses, And when you find a slut that lies a sleep, And all her dishes foul, and room unswept, With your long nails pinch her till she cry, And swear to mend her sluttish housewifery. Fai. I warrant you I will perform your will. Hu. Where is Pead? go you & see where Brokers sleep, And Foxe-eyed Sergeants with their maze, Go lay the Proctors in the street, And pinch the lousy Sergeant's face: Spare none of these when they are a bed, But such whose nose looks plew and red. Quic. Away begun, his mind fulfil, And look that none of you stand still. Some do that thing, some do this, All do something, none amiss. Her Hu. I smell a man of middle earth. Fal. God bless me from that wealch Fairy. Quic. Look every one about this round, And if that any here be found, For his presumption in this place, Spare neither leg, arm, head, nor face. Sir Hu. See I have spied one by good luck, His body man, his head a buck. Fal. God send me good fortune now, and I care not. Quic. Go straight, and do as I command, And take a Taper in your hand, And set it to his finger's ends, And if you see it him offends, And that he starteth at the flame, Then is he mortal, know his name: If with an F. it doth begin, Why then be sure he is full of sin. About it then, and know the truth, Of this same metamorphised youth. Her Hu. Give me the Tapers, I will try And if that he love venery. They put the Tapers to his fingers, and he starts. Sir Hu. It is right indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquity. Quic. A little distant from him stand, And every one take hand in hand, And compass him within a ring, First pinch him well, and after sing. Here they pinch him, and sing about him, & the Doctor comes one way & steals away a boy in red. And Slender another way he takes a boy in green: And Fenton steals mistresses Anne, being in white. And a noise of hunting is made within: and all the Fairies run away. Falstaff pulls of his bucks head, and rises up. And enters M. Page, M. Ford, and their wives, M. Shallow, Sir Hugh. Fal. Horn the hunter quoth you: am I a ghost? 'Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me: What hunting at this time at night? I'll lay my life the mad Prince of Wales Is stealing his father's Dear. How now who have we here, what is all Windsor stirring? Are you there? Shal. God save you sir john Falstaff. Sir Hu. God plesse you sir john, God plesse you. Pa. Why how now sir john, what a pair of horns in your hand? Ford. Those horns he meant to place upon my head, And M. Brooke and he should be the men: Why how now sir john, why are you thus amazed? We know the Fairy's man that pinched you so, Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well, And what's to come sir john, that can we tell. Mi. Pa. Sir john 'tis thus, your dishonest means To call our credits into question, Did make us undertake to our best, To turn your lewd lust to a merry jest. Fal. jest, 'tis well, have I lived to these years To be gulled now, now to be ridden? Why then these were not Fairies? Mis. Pa. No sir john but boys. Fal. By the Lord I was twice or thrice in the mind They were not, and yet the grossness Of the foppery persuaded me they were. Well, and the fine wits of the Court hear this, they'll so whip me with their keen jests, That they'll melt me out like tallow, Drop by drop out of my grease. Boys! Sir Hu. I trust me boys Sir john: and I was Also a Fairy that did help to pinch you. Fal. I, 'tis well I am your Maypole, You have the start of me, Am I ridden too with a wealch goat? With a piece of toasted cheese? Sir Hu. Butter is better than cheese sir john, You are all butter, butter. For. There is a further matter yet sir john, There's 20. pound you borrowed of M. Brooke Sir john, And it must be paid to M. Ford Sir john. Mi. For. Nay husband let that go to make amends, Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. For. Well here is my hand, all's forgiven at last. Fal. It hath cost me well, I have been well pinched and washed. Enter the Doctor. Mi. Pa. Now M. Doctor, son I hope you are. Doct. Son begar you be de ville woman, Begar I tinck to marry metres An, and begar 'tis a whoreson garson jack boy. Mis. Pa. How a boy? Doct. I begar a boy. Pa. Nay be not angry wife, I'll tell thee true, It was my plot to deceive thee so: And by this time your daughter's married To M. Slender, and see where he comes. Enter Slender. Now son Slender, Where's your bride? Slen. Bride, by God's lid I think there's never a man in the worell hath that cross fortune that I have: be-god I could cry for very anger. Pa. Why what's the matter son Slender? Slen. Son, nay by God I am none of your son. Pa. No, why so? Slen. Why so God save me, 'tis a boy that I have married. Pa. How a boy? why did you mistake the word? Slen. No neither, for I came to her in red as you bade me, and I cried mum, and he cried budget, so well as ever you heard, and I have married him. Sir Hu. Ieshu M. Slender, cannot you see but marry boys? Pa. O I am vexed at heart, what shall I do? Enter Fenton and Anne. Mis. Pa. Here comes the man that hath deceived us all: How now daughter, where have you been? An. At Curch forsooth. Pa. At Church, what have you done there? Fen. Married to me, nay sir never storm, 'tis done sir now, and cannot be undone. Ford: I faith M. Page never chafe yourself, She hath made her choice whereas her heart was fixed, Then 'tis in vain for you to storm or fret. Fal. I am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced Mi. For. Come mistress Page, I'll be bold with you, 'tis pity to part love that is so true. Mis. Pa. Although that I have miss in my intent, Yet I am glad my husband's match was crossed, Here M. Fenton, take her, and God give thee joy. Sir Hu: Come M. Page, you must needs agree. Fo. I i'faith sir come, you see your wife is well pleased: Pa. I cannot tell, and yet my heart's well eased, And yet it doth me good the Doctor miss. Come hither Fenton, and come hither daughter, Go too you might have staid for my good will, But since your choice is made of one you love, Here take her Fenton, & both happy prove. Sir Hu. I will also dance & eat plums at your weddings. Ford. All parties pleased, now let us in to feast, And laugh at Slender, and the Doctor's jest. He hath got the maiden, each of you a boy To wait upon you, so God give you joy, And sir john Falstaff now shall you keep your word, For Brook this night shall lie with mistress Ford. Exit omnes. FINIS.