THE MERRY wives OF WINDSOR.  
With the humours of Sir john Falstaff▪ As also the swaggering vain of Ancient pistol, and corporal Nym.  
Written by William shakespeare.  
Newly corrected.  
LONDON: Printed by T. H. for R. Meighen, and are to be sold at his Shop, next to the Middle-Temple Gate, and in S. Dunstan's churchyard in Fleetstreet, 1630.   

THE MERRY wives OF Windsor.  

Actus primus,  

Scena prima.  Enter justice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page, Falstoffe, Bardolph, Nym, pistol, Anne Page, Mistress Ford, Mistress Page, Simple. Shallow. 
SIr Hugh, persuade me not: I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it, if he were twenty Sir john Falstoffe, he shall not abuse Robert Shadow Esquire.  Slen. 
In the County of Gloucester, justice of Peace and Coram.  Shal. 
I (cousin Slender) and Cust▪ alorum.  Slen. 
I, and Rotulorum too; and a Gentleman borne (Master Parson) who writes himself Armigero, in any Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero.  Shal. 
I that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.  Slen. 
All his successors (gone before him) hath done't: and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they may give the dozen white Luce's in their coat.  Shal. 
It is an old coat.  Euans. 
The dozen white Lowses do become an old Coat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love..  Shal. 
The Luse is the fresh-fish, the saltfish is an old coat.  Slen. 
I may quarter (Coz).  Shal. 
You may, by marrying.  Euans. 
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.  Shal. 
Not a whit.  Euan. 
Yes per-lady: if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three Shirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures; but that is all one: if Sir john Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you▪ I am of the Church and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you.  Shal. 
The council shall hear it, it is a Riot.  Euan. 
It is not meet the council hear a Riot: there is no fear of Got in a Riot: The council (look you) shall desire to hear the fear of God, and not to hear a Riot: take your viza-ments in that.  Shal. 
Ha'; o'my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.  Euans. 
It is better that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my brain, which peradventure brings good discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.  Slen. 
Mistress Anne. Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.  Euans. 
It is that ferry person for all the world, as just as you will desire, and seven hundred pounds of monies, and Gold, & silver, is her Grand▪ sire upon his deaths-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a good motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master▪ Abraham, and Mistress Anne Page.  Slen. 
Did her Grand, sire leave her seven hundred pound▪  Euan. 
I, and her father is make her a better penny.  Slen. 
I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good gifts.  Euan. 
Seven hundred pounds, & possibilities, is good gifts.  Shal. 
Well, let us see honest Master Page is Falstaff there▪  Euan. 
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true: the Knight Sir John is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the door for Master Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house here.  Master Page. 
Who's there?  Even. 
Here is go 't's plesting and your friend, and justice Shallow, & here young Master Slender: that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your like.  Master Page. 
I am glad to see your Worships well: I thank you for my Venison Master Shallow.  Shal. 
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart: I wished your Venison better, it was ill killed: how doth good mistress Page? and I thank you always with my heart, lafoy▪ with my heart.  M. Page. 
Sir, I thank you.  Shal. 
Sir, I thank you: by yea, and no I do.  M. Pa. 
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.  Slen. 
How does your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard say he was out▪ run on Cotsall.  M. Pa. 
It could not be judged, Sir,  Slen. 
You'll not confess: you'll not confess.  Shal. 
That he will not, 'tis your fault: 'tis your fault: 'tis a good dog.  M. Pa. 
A Cur, Sir.  Shal. 
Sir: he's a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir john Falstaff heerr?  M. Pa. 
Sir, he is within: and I would I could do a good office between you.  Euan. 
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.  Shal. 
He hath wronged me Master Page.)  M. Pa. 
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.  Shal. 
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that so (M. Page?) he hath wronged me, indeed he hath, at a word he hath: believe me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saith he is wronged.  Ma. Pa. 
Here comes Sir John.  Fal. 
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the King?  Shal. 
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my dear, and broke open my Lodge.  Fal. 
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?  Shal. 
Tut, a pin: this shall be answered.  Fal. 

I will answer it straight, I have done all this:  
That is now answered.   Shal. 
The council shall know this.  Fal. 
IT were better for you if it were known in council: you'll be laughed at.  Eu. 
Pauca verba; (Sir John) good words.  Fal. 
Good words? good cabbage; Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me?  Slen. 
Marry sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your coney-catching Rascals, Bardolf, Nym, and pistol.  Bar. 
You Banbery Cheese.  Slen. 
I, it is no matter.  Pissed. 
How now, Mephistopheles?  Slen. 
I, it is no matter.  Nym. 
Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humour:  Slen. 
Where's Simple my man? can you tell, cousin?  Eua. 
Peace, I pray you▪ now let us understand: there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) and there is myself, (fidelicet myself) and the three party is (last, and finally) mine Host of the Garter.  Ma. Pa. 
We three to hear it, and end it between them:  Euan. 
Ferry gooed, I will make a priefe of it in my notebook, and we will afterwards ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can.  Fal. 
Pistol.  Pissed. 
He hears with ears.  Euan. 
The tevill and his Tam: what phrase is this? He hears with ear? why, it is affectations.  Fal. 
Pistol, did you pick M. Slenders purse?  Slen. 
I, by these gloves did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence a piece of yead Miller: by these gloves.  Fal. 
Is this true, pistol?  Fuan. 
No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.  Pissed. 
Ha', thou mountain Forreyner: Sir John, and Master mine, I combat challenge of this Latin bilbo: word of denial in thy labras here; word of denial; froth, and scum thou liest.  Slen▪ 
By these gloves, than 'twas he.  Nym. 
Be advised sir, and pass good humours: I will say marry trap with you, if you run the nut-hooks humour on me, that is the very note of it.  Slen. 
By this hat, than he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.  Fal. 
What say you Scarlet, and John?  Bar. 
Why sit, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.  Eu. 
It is his fiue senses: fie, what the ignorance is.  Bar. 
And being fap, sir, was (as they say) cashiered: and so conclusions past the careires.  Slen. 
I, you spoke in Latin then to: but 'tis no matter; I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.  Euan. 
So got judge me, that is a virtuous mind.  Fal. 
You hear all these matters denied, Gentlemen; you hear it.  Ma. Page. 
Nay daughter, carry the wine in, we'll drink within.  Slen. 
Oh heaven: This is Mistress Anne Page:  Master Page. 
How now Mistress Ford?  Fal. 
Mistress Ford, by my troth you are very well met: by your leave good Mistress.  Master Page. 
Wife bid these gentlemen welcome: come, we have a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.  Slen. 
I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here: How now Simple, where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? you have not the book of Riddles about you, have you?  Sim. 
Book of Riddles? why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake upon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas.  Shal. 
Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word with you Coz: marry this there is as 'twere a tender, a kind of tender, made a faire-off by Sir Hugh here: do you understand me?  Slen. 
I Sir, you shall find me reasonable, if it be so, I shall do that that it reason.  Shal. 
Nay, but understand me▪  Slen. 
So I do Sir.  Euan. 
Give care to his motions; (Master Slender) I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.  Slen. 
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you pardon me, he's a justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.  Euan. 
But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.  Shal. 
I, there's the point Sir.  Eu. 
Marry is it▪ the very point of it, to Mist. Anne▪ Page.  Slen. 
Why if it be so▪ I will marry herupon any reasonable demands.  Eu. 
But can you affection the'o man, let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diverse Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth▪ therefore precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?  Shal. 
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?  Slen. 
I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.  Euan: 
Nay, gots Lords, and his Ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards her.  Shal. 
That you must.  
Will you, (upon good dowry) marry her?  Slen. 
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request (cousin) in any reason.  Shal. 
Nay conceive me, conceive me, (sweet Coz): what I do is to pleasure you (Coz) can you love the maid?  Slen. 
I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another; I hope upon familiarity will grow more content; but if you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.  Euan. 
It is a ferry discretion-answere; save the fall is in the'ord, dissolutely; the ort is (according to our meaning) resolutely: his meaning is good.  Sh▪ 
I, I think my cousin meant well.  Slen. 
I or else I would I might be hanged (lafoy▪)  Sh. 
Here comes fair Mistress Anne; would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.  An. 
The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires your worship's company.  Sh. 
I will wait on him, (fair Mistress Anee.  Euan. 
Od's plessed-will; I will not be absence at the grace  An. 
wil't please your worship to come in, Sir?  Sl. 
No, I thank you forsooth, heartily; I am very well.  An. 
The dinner attends you Sir.  Sl. 
I am not a hungry, I thank you, forsooth; go sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow; a justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend, for a Man; I keep but three Men and a Boy yet, till my Mother be dead; but what though, yet I live like a a poor Gentleman borne.  An. 
I may not go in without your worship; they will not sit till you come.  Slen. 
I▪ faith, I'll eat nothing, I thank you as much as though I did.  Anne. 
I pray you Sir walk in.  Slen. 
I had rather walk here (I thank you) I bruised my shin th'other day, with playing at Sword and Dagger with a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish of slewed Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dog's bark so? be there bears i'th' town?  An. 
I think there are, Sir, I heard them talked of.  Slen. 
I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England, you are afraid if you see the bear lose, are you not?  An. 
I indeed Sir.  Slen. 
That's meat and drink to me now; I have seen Sackerson lose, twenty times, and have taken him by the chain, but (I warrant you) the women have so cried and shrekt at it, that it past. But women indeed, cannot abide'em, they are very ill-favoured rough things.  Ma. Pa. 
Come, gentle M. Slender, come; we stay for you.  Slen. 
I'll eat nothing, I thank you Sir.  Ma. Pa. 
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, Sir: come, come.  Slen. 
Nay, pray you lead the way.  Ma. Pa. 
Come on Sir.  Slen. 
Mistress Anne: yourself shall go first.  An. 
Not I Sir, pray you keep on.  Slen. 
Truly I will not go first, truely-la▪ I will not do you that wrong.  An. 
I pray you Sir.  Slen. 
I'll rather be unmannerly, then troublesome, you do yourself wrong indeede-la.  Exeunt.  

Scena Secunda.  Enter Euans, and Simple. Euan. 
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius house, which is the way; and there dwells one mistress Quickly; which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse; or his cook; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer.  Si. 
Well Sir.  Euan. 
Nay, it is better yet; give her this letter; for▪ t is a'oman that altogeathers acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to solicit your master's desires, to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there's Pippins and Cheese to come.  Exeunt▪  

Scena Tertia.  Enter Falstaeffe, Host, Bardolfe, Nym, pistol, Page. Fal. 
Mine Host of the Garter?  Ho. 
What says my Bully rook? Speak schollerly, and wisely.  Fal. 
Truly mine Host; I must turn away some of my followers.  Ho. 
Discard, (bully Hercules) cashier; let them wag; trot, trot.  Fal. 
I sit at ten pounds a week.  Ho. 
thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser and Caesar) I will entertain Bardolfe; he shall draw; he shall tap; said I well (bully Hector?)  Fa. 
Do so (good mine Host.)  Ho. 
I have spoke, let him follow, let me see thee froth, and live: I am at a word: follow.  Fal. 
Bardolfe, follow him; a Tapster is a good trade, an old cloak, makes a new jerkin, a withered servingman, a fresh Tapster; go, adieu.  Ba. 
It is a life that I have desired, I will thrive.  Pissed. 
O base hungarian wight, wilt thou the spigot wield:  Ni. 
He was gotten in drink, is not the humour conceited  Fal. 
I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox, his Thefts were too open, his filching was like an unskilful Singer, he kept not time.  Nim. 
The good humour is to steal at a minuntes' rest.  Pissed. 
Convey: the wise it call: steal? foh: a fico for the phrase.  Fal. 
Well sirs, I am almost out at heels.  Pissed. 
Why then let Kibes ensue.  Fal. 
There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must shift,  Pissed. 
Young ravens must have food.  Fal. 
Which of you know Ford of this town?  Pissed. 
I ken the wight; he is of substance good.  Fal. 
My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about.  Pissed, 
Two yards, and more.  Fal. 
No quips now pistol; (indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste: I am about thrift) briefly; I do mean to make love to Fords wife; I spy entertainment in her, she discourses, she craves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style, and the hardest voice of her behaviour (to be englished rightly) is I am Sir John Falstafs.  Pissed. 
He hath studied her will; and translated her will out of honesty, into English.  Ni. 
The Anchor is deep; will that humour pass?  Fal. 
Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's Purse; he hath a legend of Angels.  Pissed. 
As many devils entertain; and to her Boy say I.  Ni 
The humour rises it is good; humour me the angels.  Fal. 
I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too; examined my parts with most judicious illiads; sometimes the beam of her view, guilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.  Pissed. 
Then did the Sun on dunghill shine.  Ni. 
I thank thee for that humour.  Fal. 
O she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glasse; here's another letter to her; She bears the Purie too; she is a Region in Guiana; all gold, and bounty; I will be Cheaters to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both; go, bear thou this Letter to mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford; we will thrive (Lads) we will thrive.  Pissed. 

Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,  
And by my side wear steel? then Lucifer take all.   Ni. 

I will run no base humour; here take the humor-Letter;  
I will keep the behaviour of reputation.   Fal. 

Hold sirrah, bear you these Letters rightly,  
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.  
Rogues, hence, avaunt, vanish like hailstones; go,  
Trudge; plod away i'th' hose: seek shelter, pack,  
Falstaff will learn the honour of the age,  
French thrift, you Rogues, myself, and skirted Page.   Pissed. 

Let Vultures gripe thy guts, for gourd, and Fullam  
holds, and high and low beguiles the rich and poor,  
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,  
Base Phrygian Turk.   Ni. 

I have operations.  
Which be humours of revenge.   Pissed. 
Wilt thou revenge?  Ni. 
By Welkin, and her Star.  Pissed. 
With wit, or steel?  Ni. 

With both the humours, I;  
I will discuss the humour of this love to Ford.   Pissed. 

And I to Page shall eke unfold  
How Falstaff (varlet vile)  
His dove will prove; his gold will hold,  
And his soft couch defile.   Ni. 
My humour shall not cool; I will incense Ford, to deal with poison; I will possess him with yallownesse, for the revolt of mine is dangerous; that is my true humour.  Pist. 
Thou art the Mars of Malcontents; I second thee; troop on.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta:  Enter mistress Quickly, Simple, John Rugby, Doctor Caius, Fenton. Qu. 
What, john Rugby, I pray thee go to the Casement, and see if you can see my Master, Master Doctor Caius coming; if he do (I'faith) and find any body in the house; here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the Kings English.  Ru. 
I'll go watch.  Qu. 
Go, and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, (in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-fire: An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal: & I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breedebate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but no body but has his fault: but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?  Si. 
I, for fault of a better.  Qu. 
And Master Slender's your Master?  Si. 
I forsooth.  Qui. 
Does he not wear a great round Beard, like a glover's paring-knife?  Si. 
No forsooth, he hath but a little wee-face; with a little yellow Beard, a Cain coloured Beard.  Qu. 
A softtly-sprighted man, is he not?  Si. 
I forsooth, but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a Warrener.  Qu. 
How say you; oh, I should remember him, does he not hold up his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate?  Si. 
Yes indeed does he.  Qui. 
Well, heaven send Anne Page, no worse fortune, Tell Master Parson, Euans, I will do what I can for your Master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish—  Ru. 
Out alas, here comes my Master.  Qu. 
We shall all be shent; Run in here, good young man, go into this closet: he will not stay long? what john Rugby? John; what John I say? Go John, go inquire for my Master, I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home, (and down, down, downe'a, etc.  Ca 
Vat is you sing? I do not like des-toyes, pray you go and fetch me in my Closst, unboyteene verd; a Box, a greene-a-Box; do intent vat I speak? greene-a-Box.  Qu. 
I forsooth I'll fetch it you: I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man he would have been horn-mad.  Ca 
Fe, fe, fe, fe, may foy, il fait for chando, le man voi a le Court la grand affairs.  Qu. 
Is it this Sir?  Ca 

Ouy mette le au mon pocket, de-peech quickly:  
Vere is dat knave Rugby?   Qu. 
What john Rugby, John?  Ru. 
Here Sir.  Ca 
You are john Rugby, and you are jacke Rugby; Come, take your Rapier, and come after my heel to the Court.  Ru. 
'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch.  Ca 
By my trot, I tarry too long, od's-me: que ay ie oublie dear is some Simples in my closet, that I vill not for the world I shall leave behind.  Qu. 
Ay, he'll find the young man there, and be mad▪  Ca 

O Diable, Diable; vat is in my closet?  
Villain, laroone; Rugby, my Rapier.   cue, 
Good Master be content.  Ca 
Wherefore shall I be content?  Qu. 
The young man is an honest man.  Ca 
What shall de honest man do in my closet, here is no honest man that shall come in my closet.  Qu. 
I beseech you be not so phlegmatic; hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me, from Parson Hugh.  Ca 
Vell.  Si. 
I forsooth: to desire her to—  Qu. 
Peace, I pray you.  Ca 
Peace-a-your tongue: speake-a-your Tale.  Si. 
To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid) to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page, for my Master in the way of Marriage.  Qu. 
This is all indeedla: but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not.  Ca 
Sir Hugh send you? Rugby, baton me some paper: tarry you a littell-a while.  Qu. 
I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy; but notwithstanding man, I'll do you your Master what good I can; and the very yea, and the no is that French Doctor my Master, (I may call him my Master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, ring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself.)  Simp. 
'Tis a great charge to come under one bodies hand.  Qui. 
Are you a uised o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late; but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear, I would have no words of it) my Master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind, that's neither here nor there.  Caius. 
You, jack ' Nape; glue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh, by gar it is a challenge: I will cut his throat in de park, and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape Priest to meddle, or make:— you may be gone: it is not good you tarry here; by gar I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.  Qui. 
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.  Caius. 
It is no matter'a vor dat; do not you tell-a-me that I shall have Anne Page for myself? by gar, I vill kill de Jacke Priest; and I have appointed mine Host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon, by gar, I will myself have Anne Page.  Qui. 
Sir, the maid love's you, and all shall be well; we must give folks leave to prate; what the good ier.  Caius. 
Rugby, come to the Court with me: by gar, if I have not Arm Page, I shall turn your head out of my door: follow my heels, Rugby.  Qui. 
You shall have An-fooles head of your own; No, I know Ans mind for that; never a woman in Windsor knows more of Ans mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.  Fenton. 
Who's with in there, hoa?  Qui. 
Who's there, I troa? Come near the house I pray you.  Fen. 
How now (good woman) how dost thou?  Qui. 
The better that it pleases your good Worship to ask?  Fen. 
What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?  Qui. 
In truth Sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.  Fen. 
Shall I do any good thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?  Qui. 
Troth Sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding (Master Fenton) I'll be sworn on a book she love's you; have not your Worship a wart above your eye?  Fen. 
Yes marry have I, what of that?  Qui. 
Well, thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such another Nan; (but (I detest) an honest maid as ever broke bread: we had an hours talk of that wart; I shall never laugh but in that maid's company, but (indeed) she is given too much to melancholy and musing; but for you— well— go too—.  Fen. 
Well, I shall see her to day; hold, there's money for thee. Let me have thy voice in my behalf; if thou seest her before me, commend me.—  Qui. 
Willi●? I faith that we will; And I will tell your Worship more of the Wart, the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers.  Fen. 
Well, farewell, I am in great haste now.  Qui. 
Farewell to your Worship; truly an honest Gentleman: but Anne love's him not, for I know Ans mind as well as another does, out upon't, what have I forgot.  Exit.   

Actus Secundus.  

Scoena Prima.  Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, Master Page, Master Ford, pistol, Nim, Quickly, Host, Shallow. Mi. Page. 
What, have I scaped love-letters in the holly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? let me see.  
Ask me no reason why I love you, for though love use Reason for his precisian, he admits him not for his counsellor: you are not young, no more am I: go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry▪ so am I: ha', ha', then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I: would your desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee (mistress Page) at the least if the love of soldier can suffice, that I love thee: I will not say pity me, 'tis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say▪ love me:  

By me, thine own true Knight, by day or night:  
Or any kind of light, with all his might,  
For thee to fight, John Falstaff.   

What a Herod of jury is this? O wicked, wicked world.  
One that is well-nye worn to pieces with age  
To show himself a young Gallant? What an unwaied   
Behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with The devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares In this manner assay me? why, he hath not been thrice In my Company, what should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: (heaven forgive me,) why I'll Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting down of men, how shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings.  Mis. Ford. 
Mistress Page, trust me, I was going to your house.  Mis. Page. 
And trust me, I was going to you: you look very ill.  Mis. Ford. 
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.  Mis. Page 
I'faith but you do in my mind.  Mis. Fords 
Well: I do then; yet I say, I could show you to the contrary; O mistress Page, give me some counsel.  Mis. Page. 
What's the matter, woman?  Mis. Ford. 
O woman; if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour.  Mistress▪ Page. 
Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour; what is it? Dispense with trifles; what is it?  Mis. Ford. 
If I would but go to hell, for an eternal moment, or so; I could be knighted.  Mis. Page. 
What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? these Knights will hack, and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy Gentry.  Mistress▪ Ford. 
We burn daylight; here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted, I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking; and yet he would not swear: praise women's modesty; and gave such orderly and welbehaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundred psalms to the tune of greenesleeves: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with so many Tuns of oil in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were, to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?  Mis. Page. 
Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs; to thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twyn-brother of thy Letter; but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine never shall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writ with blank space for different names (sure more) & these are of the second edition; he will print them out of doubt, for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two; I had rather be a giantess & lie under Mount ●elion. Well; I will find you twenty lascioious Turtles ere one chaste man.  Mis. Ford. 
Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words, what doth he think of us?  Mis. Page. 
Nay I know not; it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty; I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal, for sure unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.  Mis. Ford. 
Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck.  Mis. Page. 
So will I, if he come under my hatches, I'll never to Sea again. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting, give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine Host of the Garter.  Mis. Ford. 
Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty; oh that my husband saw this Letter; it would give eternal food to his jealousy.  Mis. Page. 
Why look where he comes; and my good man too; he's as fare from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause, and that (I hope) is an unmeasurable distance:  Mis. Ford. 
You are the happier woman.  Mis. Page. 
Let's consult together against this greasy Knight; Come hither.  Ford. 
Well, I hope, it be not so.  Pissed. 

Hope is a curtall-dog in some affairs;  
Sir John affects thy wife.   Ford. 
Why sir, my wife is not young.  Pissed. 
He woos both high and low, both rich and poor, both young and old, one with another (Ford) he love's the Gally-mawfry (Ford) perpend.  Ford. 
Love's my wife?  Pistol. 

With liver, burning hot: prevent:  
Ot go thou like Sir Actaeon he, with  
Ring-wood at thy heels: O, odious is the name.   Ford. 
What name Sir?  Pissed. 

The horn I say▪ Farewell.  
Take heed, have open eye, for thiefs do foot by night.  
Take heed, ere summer comes, or Cuckoo▪ birds do sing.  
Away sir corporal Nim.  
Believe it (Page) he speaks sense.   Ford. 
I will be patiented; I will find out this.  Nim. 
And this is true; I like not the humour of lying, he have wronged me in some humours; I should have borne the humoured Letter to her, but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity, he love's your wife; There's the sh●●t and the long: My name is corporal Nim, I speak, and I avouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim, and Falstoffe love's your wife, adieu, I love not the humour of bread & cheese: adieu.  Page. 
The humour of it (quotha▪) here's a fellow frights English out of his wits.  Ford. 
I will seek out Falstaff.  Page. 
I never heard such a drawling-affecting rogue▪  Ford. 
If I do find it: well▪  Page. 
I will not believe such a Cataian, though the Priest o'th'Towne commended him for a true man.  Ford. 
'Twas a good sensible fellow, well.  Page. 
How now Meg?  Mis. Page. 
Whither go you (George?) hark you.  Mis. Ford. 
How now (sweet Frank) why art thou me▪ lancholy?  Ford. 

I melancholy? I am not melancholy:  
Get you home, go.   Mis. Ford. 
Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head, Now, will you go, Mistress Page?  Mis. Page. 
Have with you, you'll come to dinner George▪ look who comes yonder; she shall be our Messenger to this paltry Knight:  Mis. Ford. 
Trust me, I thought on her; she'll fit it:  M. Page. 
You are come to see my daughter Anne?  Qui, 
I forsooth: and I pray how does good Mistress Anne?  Mis. Page. 
Go in with us and see, we have an hours talk with you.  Page. 
How now Master Ford?  Ford. 
You heard what this knave told me, did you not?  Page. 
Yes, and you heard what the other told me?  Ford. 
Do you think there is truth in them?  Page. 
Hang▪ 'em slaves: I do not think the Knight would offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men, very rogues, now they be out of service▪  Ford. 
Were they his men?  Page. 
Marry were they.  Ford. 

I like it never the better for that,  
Does he lie at the Garter?   Page. 
I marry does he: if he should intent this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her lose to him, and what he gets more of her, then sharp words, let it lie on my head.  Ford. 
I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be joath to turn them together, a man may be too confident, I would have nothing lie on my head, I cannot be thus satisfied.  Page. 
Look where my ranting-Host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily: How now mine Host?  Host. 
How now Bully-Rooke, thou'rt a Gentleman, cavaliero justice, I say.  Shal. 
I follow, (mine Host) I follow, good-even, and twenty (good Master Page) Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.  Host. 
Tell him caveleiro-iustice: tell him Bully-Rooke.  Shal. 
Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between Sir Huge the Welsh Priest, and Caius the French Doctor.  Ford. 
Good mine Host o'th'Garter, a word with you.  Host. 
What sayest thou, my Bully-Rooke?  Shal. 
Will you go with us to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and (I think) appointed them contrary places: for (believe me) I hear the Parson is no jester▪ hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.  Host. 
Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-cavaleire?  Ford. 
None, I protest, but I'll give you a pottle of burned sack, to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Broome, only for a jest.  Host. 
My hand, (Bully,) thou shalt have egress and regress, (said I well▪) and thy name shall be Broome. It is a merry Knight, will you go An-heires?  Shal. 
Have with you mine Host.  Page. 
I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his Rapier.  Shal. 
Tut Sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your Passes, Stoccado's, and I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page,) 'tis here, 'tis here, I have seen the time, with my longsword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.  Host. 
Hear boys, here, here, shall we wag?  Page. 
Have with you, I had rather hear them scold, than fight.  Ford. 
Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty: yet, I cannot putoff my opinion so easily, she was in his company at page's house, and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't, and I have a disguise, to sound Falstaff, if I find her honest, I lose not my labour, if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Secunda.  Enter Falstaff, pistol, Robin, Quickly, Bardolffe, Ford. Fal. 
I will not lend thee a penny.  Pissed. 
Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I, with sword will open.  Fal. 
Not a penny, I have been content (Sir,) you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have granted upon my good friends for three repreeves for, and your Coach▪ fellow Nim, or else you had looked through the grate, like a Geminy of baboons: I am damned in hell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her Fan, I took't upon mine honour thou hadst it not.  Pissed. 
Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?  Fal. 
Reason, you rogue, reason; thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul, gratis? at a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you: go, a short knife, and a throng, to your manor of Pickt-hatch; go, you'll not bear a Letter for me you rogue? you stand upon your honour: why, (thou unconfinable baseness) it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise; I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, you Rogue, will en-sconce your rags; your Cat-a-Mountaine-lookes, your red-lattice phrases, & your boldbeatingoathes, under the shelter of your honour? you will not do it? you?  Pissed. 
I do relent: what would thou more of man?  Robin. 
Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.  Fal. 
Let her approach.  Qui. 
Give your worship good morrow.  Fal. 
Good-morrow, goodwife.  Qui. 
Not so, an't please your worship.  Fal. 
Good, maid then.  Qui. 

I'll be sworn.  
As my mother was the first hour I was borne.   Fal. 
I do believe the swearer; what with me?  Qui. 
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word, or two?  Fal. 
Two thousand (fair woman) and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing.  Qui. 
There is one Mistress Ford, (Sir) I pray come a little nearer this ways; I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius.  Fal. 
Well, on; Mistress Ford, you say.  Qui. 
Your worship says very true; I pray your worship come a little nearer this ways.  Fal. 
I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine own people.  Qui. 
Are they so? Heaven-blesse them, and make them his servants.  Fal. 
Well; Mistress Ford, what of her?  Qui. 
Why, Sir; she's a good creature; Lord, Lord your Worship's a wanton: well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray—  Fal. 
Mistress Ford, come, mistress Ford.  Qui. 
Marry this is the short, and the long of it; you have brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonderful; the best Courtier of them all (when the Court lay at Windsor) could never have brought her to such a canary: yet there has been Knights, and Lords, and Gentlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach after Coach, letter after letter, gift aftee gift, smelling so sweetly; all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in such aligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of the best, and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart: and I warrant you, they could never get an eye-winke of her: I had myself twenty Angels given me this morning, but I defy all Angels in any such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: and I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all, and yet there has been Earls; nay, (which is more) pensioners, but I warrant you all is one with her.  Fal. 
But what says she to me? Be brief my good she- Mercury.  Qui. 
Marry, she hath received your Letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house, between ten and eleven.  Fal. 
Ten, and eleven.  Qui. 
I, forsooth; and than you may come and see the picture (she says) that you wots of; Master Ford her husband will be from home: alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he's a very iealousie-man; she leads a vere framepold life with him, (good heart.)  Fal. 

Ten, and eleven.  
Woman, commend me to her, I will not fail her.   Qui. 
Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you to; and let me tell you in your ear, she's as virtuous a civil modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely I think you have charms, lafoy: yes in truth.  Fal. 
Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.  Qui. 
Blessing on your heart for't:  Fal. 
But I pray thee tell me this; has Fords wife, and Pages wise acquainted each other, how they love me?  Qui. 
That were a jest indeed they have not so little grace I hope, that were a trick indeed: But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little Page of all loves; her husband has a marvelous infection to the little Page; and truly Master Page is an honest man; never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one; you must send her your Page, no remedy.  Fal. 
Why, I will.  Qui. 
Nay, but do so then, and look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the Boy never heed to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness; old folks you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.  Fal. 
Fare-thee-well, commend me to them both, there's my purse, I am yet thy debtor; Boy, go along with this woman, this news distracts me.  Pissed. 

This punk is one of Cupid's Carriers,  
Clap no more sails, pursue▪ up with your fights:  
Give fire; she is my prize, or Ocean whelm all.   Fal. 
Sayest thou so (old Jacke) go thy ways I'll make more of thy old body than I have done: will they yet look after thee? wilt thou after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? good Body, I thank thee; let them say 'tis grossly done, so it be fairly done, no matter.  Bar. 
Sir John, there's one Master Broome below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.  Fal. 
Broome is his name?  Bar. 
I Sir.  Fal. 
Call him in: such brooms are welcome to me, that that ore'flowes such liquor; ah ha', Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed you? Go to, via.  Ford. 
‛ bless you sir.  Fal. 
And you sir; would you speak with me?  Ford. 
I make bold, to press, with so little preparation upon you.  Fal. 
You're welcome, what's you●●ill? Give us leave Drawer.  Ford. 
Sir, I am a Gentleman that have spent much, my name is Broome.  Fal. 
Good Master Broome, I desire more acquaintance of you.  Ford. 
Good Sir john, I sue for yours; not to charge you, for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a Lender, than you are; the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.  Fal. 
Money is a good soldier (Sir) and will on.  Ford. 
Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me; if you will help to bear it (Sir John) take all, or half for easing me of the carriage:  Fal. 
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your Porter.  Ford. 
I will tell you Sir, if you will give me the hearing.  Fal. 
Speak (good Master Broome) I shall be glad to be your servant.  Ford. 
Sir, I hear you are a scholar; (I will be brief with you) and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but (good Sir John) as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the Register of your own, that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.  Fal. 
Very well Sir, proceed:  Ford. 
There is a Gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford.  Fal. 
Well Sir.  Ford. 
I have long loved her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; ingrossed opportunities to meet her▪ freed every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her▪ not only brought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursud me, which hath been on the wing of all occasions; but whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless Experience be a jewel, that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this.  

`` love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues,  
`` Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues▪   Fal. 
Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?  Ford. 
Never.  Fal. 
Have you importuned her to such a purpose?  Ford. 
Never.  Fal. 
Of what quality was your love then?  Ford. 
Like a fair house, built on another man's ground, so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it.  Fal. 
To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?  Ford. 
When I have told you that, I have told you all: Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so fare, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now (Sir John) here is the heart of my purpose: you are a Gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and learned preparations.  Fal. 
O Sir.  Ford. 
Believe it, for you know it: there is money, spend it, spend it, spend more; spend all I have, only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: use your Art of wooing; win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any.  Fal. 
Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.  Ford. 
O, understand my drift; she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand; my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves, I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are tootoo strongly embattaild against me; what say you to't, Sir John.  Fal. 
Master Broome, I will first make bold with your money, next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a Gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Fords wife.  Ford. 
O good Sir.  Fal. 
I say you shall.  Ford. 
Want no money (Sir John) you shall want none.  Fal. 
Want no Mistress Ford (Master Broome) you shall want none; I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her own appointment, even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go between, parted from me; I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for at that time the jealous rascallyknave her husband will be forth; come you to me at night, you shall know how I speed.  Ford. 
I am blessed in your acquaintance; do you know Ford Sir?  Fal. 
Hang him (poor Cuckoldly knave) I know him not: yet I wrong him to call him poor; They say the jealous wittolly-knave hath masses of money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favourd: I will use her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & there's my harvest▪ home.  Ford. 
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him.  Fal. 
Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe-him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a Meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife▪ Come to me soon at night: Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him for knave, and Cuckold. Come to me soon at night.  Ford. 
What a damned Epicurian-Rascall is this? my heart is ready to crack with impatience: who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made; would any man have thought this? see the hell of having a fair woman: my bed shall be abused, my Coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at, and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong: terms, names: Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's additions, the names of fiends: But Cuckold, wittol, Cuckold▪ the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous; I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Person Hugh the Welshman with my Cheese, an Irish man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself. Then she plots, than she rumivates▪ then she devices; and what they think in their hearts they may effect; they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy: eleven o'clocke the hour, I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it, better three hours too soon, than a minute too late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold.  Exit.  

Scena Tertia.  Enter Caius, Rugby, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host. Caius. 
jacke Rugby.  Ru. 
Sir.  Caius. 
Vat loath clock▪ Jack.  Rug. 
'Tis past the hour (Sir) that Sir Hugh promised to meet.  Caius. 
By gar, he has save his soul, that he is no-come: he has pray his bible well, that he is no-come, by gar (lack Rugby) he is dead already, if he be come.  Rug 
He is wise Sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came.  Caius. 
By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him▪ take your Rapier, (Jacke) I vill tell you how I vill kill him.  Rug. 
Alas sir, I cannot fence.  Cai. 
Villainy, take your Rapier.  Rug. 
For bear, here's company.  Host. 
‛ bless thee, bully-Doctor.  Shal. 
'Saue you Master Doctor Caius.  Page. 
Now good Master Doctor.  Slen. 
‛ give you good morrow, sir.  Caius. 
Vat be all you one, two, tree, four, come for?  Host. 
To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see thee traverse, to see thee he●re, to see thee there, to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant: Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha' Bully? what says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of Elder? Ha'? is he dead bully-Stale? is he dead?  Cai. 
By gar, he is the Coward jack-priest of de vorld: he is not show his face.  Host. 
Thou art a Castalion-king Vrinall; Hector of Greece (my Boy)  Cai. 
I pray you bear witness, that I have stay, six or seven, two tree hours for him, and he is no-come.  Shal. 
He is the wiserman (Master Doctor) he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions▪ is it not true, Master Page?  Page. 
Master Shallow; you have yourself been a great great fighter, though now a man of peace.  Shal. 
Body-kins M. Page, though I now be old, and of the peace; if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one; though we are justices, and Doctors, and churchmen (Master Page) we have some salt of our youth 〈◊〉 us, we are the sons of women (Master Page.)  Page 
'Tis true, Mister Shallow.  Shal. 
It will be found so, (M. Page) M. Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home, I am sworn of the peace you have showed yourself a wise Physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patiented Churchman; you must go with me, M. Doctor.  Host. 
Pardon, Guest-Iustice; a Mounseur Mocke-water.  Cai. 
Mockwater? vat is dat?  Host. 
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is Valour (Bully.)  Cai. 
By gar, than I have as much mockwater as de Englishman; scuruy-lade dog-Priest▪ by gar, me vill his ears.  Host. 
He will Clapper claw thee tightly (Bully.)  Cai. 
Clapper de claw? vat is dat?  Host. 
That is, he will make thee amends.  Cai. 
By gar, me do look he shall clapperclaw me, for bygar I vill have it.  Host. 
And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag:  Cai. 
Me tanck you for dat.  Host. 
And moreover, (Bully) but first, Master guest, and M. Page, and eke Cauale●ro Slender, go you through the Towneto Frogmore.  Page. 
Sir Hugh is there, is he?  Host. 
He is there, see what humour he is in; and I will bring the Doctor about by the Fields; will it do well?  Shal. 
We will do it.  All. 
Adieu, good Master Doctor.  Cai. 
Bygar, me vill kill the Priest, for he speak for a jackanapes to Anne Page.  Host. 
Let him die; sheath thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore, I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a Farm-house a Feasting; and thou shalt woo her, Cride-game, said I well?  Cai. 
Bygar, me danck you vor dat; by gar I love you, and I shall procure'a you de good Guest; the Earl, the Knight, de Lords▪ de Gentlemen, my patients.  Host. 
For the which, I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page, said. I well?  Cai. 
Bygar, 'tis good, well said.  Host. 
Let us wag then.  Cai. 
Come at my heels, jack Rugby.  Exeunt.   

Actus Tertius.  

Scoena Prima.  Enter Euans, Simple, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Caius, Rugby. Euans. 
I pray you now, good Master Slenders servingman and friend Simple by your name; which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of physic.  Simp. 
Marry Sir, the pity-ward, the Parke-ward, every way, old Windsor way, and every way but the Towne-way.  Euan. 
I most vehemently desire you, you will look that way.  Simp. 
I will sir.  Euan. 
‛ Plesse my soul: how full of cholers I am and trembling of mind; I shall be glad if he have deceived me: how melancholies I am? I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, when I have good opportunities for the ork▪ Plesse my soul. To shallow rivers to whose falls; melodious Birds sing madrigals: There will we make our beds of Roses: and a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow: ' mercy on me, I have a great dispositions to cry: Melodious birds sing madrigals:— When as I sat in Pabilon: and a thousand vagram Posies. To shallow, etc.  Sim. 
Yonder he is coming, this ●ay Sir Hugh.  Euan. 

he's welcome: To shallow rivers, in whose false:  
Heaven prosper the right: what weapons is he?   Sim. 
No weapons, Sir; there comes my master, Master Shallow, and another Gentleman; from Frogmore, over the style, this way.  Even. 
Pray you give me my gown, or else keep it in your arms.  Shal. 
How now Master Parson? good morrow good Sir Hugh, keep a Gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.  Slen. 
Ah sweet Anne Page.  Page. 
'Saue you, good Sir Hugh.  Euan. 
▪ please you from his mercy-sake, all of you.  Shal. 

What? the Sword, and the Word?  
Do you study them both Master Parson?   Page. 
And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw-rumaticke day?  Euan. 
There is reasons, and causes for it?  Page. 
We are come to you, to do a good office, Master Parson.  Euan. 
Fery-well, what is it?  Page. 
Yonder is a most reverend Gentleman; who (belike) having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.  Shal. 
I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.  Euan. 
What is he?  Page 
I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius the renowned French Physician.  Euan. 
Got's will, and his passion of my heart, I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of poriedge.  Page. 
Why?  Euan. 
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave beside: a cowardly knave, as you would desires to acquainted withal▪  Page. 
I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.  Slen. 
O sweet Anne Page.  Shal. 
It appears so by his weapons; keep them a sunder, here comes Doctor Caius.  Page. 
Nay good Master Parson, keep your weapon.  Shal. 
So do you, good Master Doctor.  Host. 
Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.  Cai. 
I pray you let-a-mee speak a word with your ear; uherefore vill you not meet a me?  Euan. 
I Pray you use your patience in good time.  Caius. 
By gar, you are de Coward: de Jacke dog: John Ape.  Euan. 
Pray you let us not be laughingstocks to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends; I will knog your urinal about your knave's Cogs-combe.  Cai. 
Diable; jack Rugby: mine Host de Jarteer; have I not stay for him, to kill him? Have I not at the place I did appoint?  Euan. 
As I am a Christians soul, now look you; this is the place appointed, I'll be judgement by mine Host of the Garter.  Host. 
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, Soule-Curer, and Body-Curer.  Cai. 
I, that is very good, excellant.  Host. 
Peace, I say, hear mine Host of the Garter, Am I politic? Am I subtle? Am I a machivel? Shall lose my Doctor? No, he gives me the Potions and the Motions. Shall I lose my Parson? my Priest? my Sir Hugh? No, he gives me the proverbs, and the No verbs. Give me thy hand (celestial) so; boys of Art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burned sack be the issue; Come▪ lay their swords to pawn; fellow me, Lad of peace, follow, follow, follow▪  Shal. 
Trust me, a mad Host: follow Gentlemen, follow.  Slen. 
O sweet Anne Page.  Cai. 
Ha'do I perceive dat? Have you make-a-de. sot of us, ha', ha'?  Euan. 
This is well, he has made us his ulowting-stog: I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our praines together to be revenge on this same scall scuruycogging-companion the Host of the Garter.  Cai. 
By gar, with all my heart; he promise to bring me where is Anne Page, by gar he deceive me too.  Euan. 
Well, I will smite his noddles; pray you follow.   

Scoena Secunda.  Mist. Page, Robin, Ford, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Euans, Caius. Mist. Page. 
Nay keep your way (little Gallant) you were wont to be a follower; but now you are a Leader: whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?  Rob. 
I had rather (forsooth, go before you like a man▪ Courtier. then follow him like a dwarf.  Mis. Page. 
O you are a flattering boy, now I see you'll be a  Ford. 
Well met mistress Page, whether go you.  Mis. Page. 
Truly Sir, to see your wife, is she at home?  Ford. 
I, and as idle as she may hang together for want of company; I think if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.  Mis. Page. 
Be sure of that, two other husbands.  Ford. 
Where had you this pretty weathercock?  Mist. Pa. 
I cannot tell what (the dickens) his name is my husband had him of, what do you call your knight's name sirrah?  Rob. 
Sir john Falstaff.  Ford. 
Sir john Falstafe.  M. P. 
He, he, I can never hit on's name; there is such aleague between my goodman, and he; is your Wife at home indeed.  Ford. 
Indeed she is.  Mis. Page. 
By your leave sir, I am sick till I see her.  Ford. 
Has Page any brains▪ Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking? Sure they sleep, he hath no use of them: why this boy will carry a letter twenty mile as easy, as a Canon will shoot pointblank twelve score: he pieces out his wife's inclination, he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaffes boy with her; A man may hear this shower sing in the wind; and Falstaffes boy with her: good plots, they are laid, and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon, and to these violent proceed all my neighbours shall cry aim. The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search, there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, then mocked, for it is as positive, as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go.  Shal. 
Page, etc. Well met Master Ford.  Ford. 
Trust me, a good knot; I have good cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me.  Shal. 
I must excuse myself Master Ford.  Slen. 

And so must I Sir,  
We have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne,  
And I would not break with her for more money  
Then I'll speak of.   Shal. 
We have lingered about a match between Anne Page, and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.  Slen. 
I hope I have your good will Father Page.  Page 
You have Master Slender, I stand wholly for you, But my wife (Master Doctor) is for you altogether.  Caius. 
I begar, and de Maid is love me: my nursh-aQuickly tell me so much.  Host. 
What say you to young Master Fenton? He caper's, he dances, he has eyes of youth▪ he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May, he will carry't, he will carry't, 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't.  Page. 
Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentleman is of no having, he kept company with the wild Prince, & Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he knows too much: no, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes, with the finger of my substance, if he takes her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way:  Ford. 
I beseech you hearty, some of you go home with me to dinner; besides your cheer you shall have sport, I will show you a monster; Master Doctor, you shall go, so shall your Master Page, and you Sir Hugh.  Shal. 

Well, far you well:  
We shall have the freer wooing at Master Pages.   Cai. 
Go home john Rugby, I come anon.  Host. 
Farewell my hearts, I will to my honest Knight Falstaff, and drink Canary with him.  Ford. 
I think I shall drink in Pipe-wine first with him, I'll make him dance. Will you go, Gentles?  All. 
Have with you, to see this Monster.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Tertia.  Enter Master Ford. Master Page, servants, Robin, Falstaff. Ford, Page, Caius, Euans. Mis. Ford. 
What John, what Robert.  M. Page. 
Quickly quickly; Is the Buck-basket—  Mis. Ford. 
I warrant. What Robin I say.  Mis. Page. 
Come, come, come.  Mi Ford. 
Hear, set it down.  M. Page. 
Give your men the charge, we must be brief, be ready here hard by in the Brew house, and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders; that done trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the Whitsters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side.  Mis. Page. 
You will do it?  M. Ford. 
I ha' told them over and over, they lack no direction. Begun, and come when you are called.  M. Page. 
Here comes little Robin.  Mistress Ford. 
How now my Eyas Musket, what news with you?  Rob. 
My M. Sir John is come in at the back door Mist. Ford, and requests your company.  Mis. Page. 
You little lack-a-lent, have you been true to us.  Rob. 
I, I'll be sworn; my Master knows not of your being here: and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away.  Mis. Page. 
thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a Tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me.  Mis. Ford. 
Do so, go tell thy Master, I am alone; mistress Page, remember you your Qu.  Mis. Page. 
I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me.  Mis. Ford 
Go too then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this grosse-warry pompion, we'll teach him to know Turtles from jays.  Fal. 
Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why now let me die, for I have lived long enough; This is the period of ambition; O this blessed hour.  Mistress▪ Ford. 
O sweet Sir John.  Fal. 
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Master Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husband were dead, I'll speak it before the best Lord, I would make thee my Lady.  Mistress Ford. 
I your Lady Sir John? Alas, I should be a pitiful Lady.  Fal▪ 
Let the Court of France show me such another; I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond; Thou hast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomes the Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetian admittance.  Mist. Ford. 

A plain kerchief, Sir John.  
My brows become nothing else, nor that well neither.   Fal. 
Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute Courtier, and the firm fixture of thy foot, would give an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semicircled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy foe, were not Noture thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it.  Mist. Ford. 
Believe me, there's no such thing in me.  Fal. 
What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee: there's something extraordinary in thee. Come I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of thess lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like. Bucklers-berry in simple time: I cannot, but I love thee, none but thee; and thou deservest it.  M. Ford. 
Do not betray me sir, I fear you love M. Page▪  Fal. 
Thou mightst as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is a hateful to me, as the reek of a Lime-kill.  Mis. Ford. 

Well, heaven knows how I love you,  
And you shall one day find it.   Fal. 
Keep in that mind, I'll deserve it.  Mist. Ford. 

Nay, I must tell you, so you do;  
Or else I could not be in that mind.   Rob. 
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford, here's mistress Page at the door, sweeting, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.  Fal. 
She shall not see me, I will ensconce me behind the Arras.  M. Ford. 

Pray you do so, she's a very tattling woman.  
What's the matter? How now?   Miist. Pag. 

O Mistress Ford what have you done?  
You're shamed, y'are overthrown, y'are undone for ever.   M. Ford. 
What's the matter, good mistress Page?  M. Page. 
O welladay, mist. Ford, having and honestman to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion.  M. Ford. 
What cause of suspicion?  Mis. Page. 

What cause of suspicion? Out upon you:  
How am I mistook in you?   Mis. Ford. 
Why (alas) what's the matter?  Mis. Page. 
Your husband's coming hither (Woman) with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentleman, that he says is here now in the house, by your consent to take an ill advantage of his absence, you are undone.  M. Ford. 
'Tis not, so, I hope.  Mist. Page. 
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here: but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one, I come before to tell you, if you know yourself clear, why I am glad of it, but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed, call all your senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.  M. Ford. 
What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my dear friend, and I fear not mine own shame so much, as his peril. I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.  M. Page. 
For shame, never stand (you had rather, you had rather) your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot bide him. Oh, how have you deceived me? Look, here is a basket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here, and throw fowl linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking; Or it is whiting time, send him by your two men to Datchet-Meade.  M. Ford 
He's too big to go in there, what shall I do?  Fal 

Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:  
I'll ●n I'll in, follow your friend's counsel, I'll in.   Mist. Page. 
What Sir john Falstaff? Are these your Letters Knight?  Fal. 
I love thee, help me away: let me creep in here: I'll never—  M. Page. 
Help to cover your Master (Boy:) Call your men (Mist. Ford.) You dissembling Knight.  Mis. Ford. 
What john Rugby, John; go, take up these clothes here, quickly: where's the cowlstaff? Look how you drumble? Carry them to the laundress in Datchet mead: quickly▪ come.  Ford. 
Pray you come near; if I suspect without cause, Why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest, I deserve it: How now? Whether bear you this?  Ser. 
To the laundress forsooth?  Mis. Ford. 
Why, what have you to do whether they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.  Ford. 

Buck? I would I could wash myself of the Buck:  
Bucke, buck, buck, I buck; I warrant you buck,  
And of the season too, it shall appear.   
Gentlemen, I have dreamed to night, I'll tell you my dream, here, here, here be my keys, ascend my Chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, now uncape.  Page. 

Good master Ford, be contented:  
You wrong yourself too much.   Ford. 

True (master Page) up Gentlemen,  
You shall see sport anon:  
Fellow me Gentlemen.   Euans. 
This is ferry fantastical humours and jealousies.  Caius 

By gar, 'tis no-the fashion of France:  
It is not jealous in France.   Page. 
Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the issue of his search.  Mis. Page. 
Is there not a double excellency in this?  Mis. Ford. 

I know not which pleases me better,  
That my husband is deceived, or Sir John.   Mis. Page. 
What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket?  Mis. Ford. 
I am half afraid he will have need of washing, so throwing him into the water, will do him a benefit.  Mis. Page. 
Hang him dishonest rascal: I would all of the same strain, were in the same distress.  Mist. Ford. 
I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstafs being here: for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now.  Mist. Page. 
I will lay a plot to try that, and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff; his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicne.  Mis. Ford. 
Shall we send that foolishion Carion, mistress Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?  Mis. Page. 
We will do it; let him be sent for to morrow eight a clock to have amends.  Ford. 
I cannot find him; may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass▪  Mis. Page. 
Herd you that?  Mis. Ford. 
You use me well, M Ford? Do you?  Ford. 
I, I do so.  M. Ford. 
Heaven make you better than your thoughts  Ford. 
Amen.  Mis. Page. 
You do yourself mighty wrong (M. Ford)  Ford. 
I, I; I must bear it.  Euan. 
If there be any body in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses; heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement.  Caius. 
Begar, nor I too: there is no bodies.  Page. 
Fie, fie, M Ford, are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha' your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor castle.  Ford. 
'Tis my fault (M. Page) I suffer for it.  Euans. 
You suffer for a pad conscience; your wife is as honest a o'mans', as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too.  Cai. 
By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.  Ford. 
Well, I promised you a dinner, come, come, walk in the park, I pray you pardon me: I will hereafter make known to you why I have done this. Come wife, come Mist Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray heartily pardon me.  Page. 
Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'll mock him; I do invite you to morrow morning to my house to breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so:  Ford. 
Any thing.  Euan. 
If there is one, I shall make two in the company.  Cai. 
If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd.  Ford. 
Pray you go, M. Page.  Euans. 
I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the lousy knave, mine Host.  Cai. 
Dat is good by gar, withal my heart.  Euan. 
A lousy knave, to have his gibes, and his mockeries.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta.  Enter Fenton, arm Page, Shallow, Slender, Quickly, Page, Mist. Page. Fen. 

I see I cannot get thy father's love,  
Therefore no more turn me to him (sweet Nan)   Anne. 
Alas, how then?  Fen. 

Why thou must be thyself.  
He doth object, I am too great of birth,  
And that my state being galled with my expense,  
I seek to heal it only by his wealth.  
Besides these, other bars he lays before me,  
My Riots past, my wild Societies,  
And tells me 'tis a thing impossible  
I should love thee, but as a property.   Anne. 
May be he tells you true.  Fen. 

No, heaven so speed me in my time to come,  
Albeit I will confess, thy father's wealth  
Was the first motive that I wooed thee (Anne:)  
Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more value  
Than stamps in Gold, or sums in sealed bagges●  
And 'tis the very riches of thyself,  
That now I aim at.   Anne. 

Gentle M. Fenton.  
Yet seek my father's love, still seek it sir,  
If opportunity and humblest suit  
Cannot attain it, why then hark you hither.   Shal. 

Break their talk mistress Quickly,  
My Kinsman shall speak for himself.   Slen. 
I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't, slid, 'tis but venturing.  Shal. 
Be not dismayed.  Slen. 

No, she shall not dismay me▪  
I care not for that, but that I am afeard.   Qui. 
Hark ye, Master Slender would speak a word with you  Anne. 

I come to him. This is my father's choice.  
O what a world of vilde-ill-fauoured faults  
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year?   Qui, 

And how does god Master Fenton?  
Pray you a word with you.   Shal. 

she's coming; to her Coz:  
O boy, thou hadst a father,   Slen. 
I had a father (Mistress Anne) my uncle can tell you good jests of him; pray you uncle, tell Mistress Anne the jest how my Father stole two Geese out of a Pen, good uncle.  Shal. 
Mistress Anne, my cousin love's you.  Slen. 
I that I do, as well as I love any woman in Glocestershire.  Shall 
He will maintain you like a Gentlewoman.  Slen. 
I that I will, come cut and longtail, under the degree of a Squire.  Shal. 
He will make you a handred and fifty pounds' jointure.  Anne. 
Good Master Shallow let him woe for himself.  Shal. 
Marry I thank you for it, I thank you for that good comfort: she calls you (Coz) I'll leave you.  Anne. 
Now Master Slender.  Slen. 
Now good Mistress Anne.  Anne. 
What is your will?  Slen. 
My will? Odd's-hart-lings, that's a pretty jest indeed: I ne'er made my Will yet (I thank heaven:) I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.  Anne. 
I mean (M. Sender) what would you with me?  Slen. 
Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: your father and uncle hath made motions if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole, they can tell you how things go, better than I can: you may, your father, here he comes.  Page. 

Now Master Slender; love him daughter Anne.  
Why how now? What does Master Fenton here?  
You wrong me Sir, thus still to haunt my house.  
I told you Sir, my daughter is disposed of.   Fen. 
Nay Master Page, be not impatient.  Mist. Page. 
Good Master Fenton. come not to my child.  Page. 
She is no match for you.  Fen. 
Sir, will you hear me?  Page. 

No, good Master Fenton.  
Come M. Shallow: Come son Slender, in;  
Knowing my mind, you wrong me (M. Fenton.)   Qui. 
Speak to Mistress Page.  Fen. 

Good mistress Page, for that I love your daughter  
In such a righteous fashion as I do,  
Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners,  
I must advance the colours or my love,  
And not retire. Let me have your good will.   Anne. 
Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool:  Mist. Page. 
I mean it not, I seek you a better husband.  Qu. 
That's my master, Master Doctor.  Anne. 

Alas I had rather be set quicki'th earth,  
And bowled to death with Turnips.   Mist Page. 

Come, trouble not yourself good Master  
Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy:  
My daughter will I question how she love's you,  
And as I find her, so am I affected;  
Till then, farewill Sir, she must needs go in,  
Her father will be angry.   Fen 
Farewell gentle Mistress; farewell Nan.  Qu. 
This is my doing now; Nay, sane I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician:  
Look on Master Fenton, this is my doing.  Fen. 

I thank thee: and I pray thee once to night,  
Give my sweet Nan this Ring: there's for thy pains:   Qu. 
Now heaven send thee good fortune, a kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my Master had Mistress Anne, or I would Master Slender had her: or (in sooth) I would Master Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all three, for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word, but speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir john Falstaff from my two Mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta▪  Enter Falstaff, Bardolfe, Quickly, Ford. Fal. 
Bardolfe I say.  Bar. 
Hear Sir.  Fal. 
Go, fetch me a quart of sack, put a tossed in't. Have I lived to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of butcher's offal? and to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ' ta'en out and buttered, and given them to a dog for a new-year's gift: The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse, as they would have drowned ablinde bitches Puppies, fifteen i'th' litter: and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking: if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was sheluy and shallow; a death that I abhor: for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swelled? I should have been a mountain of mummy.  Bar. 
Here's M. Quickly Sir to speak with you.  Fal. 
Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs, for pills to cool the reines. Call her in.  Bar. 
Come in woman.  Qui. 

By your leave; I cry you mercy?  
Give your worship good morrow.   Fal. 

Take away these chalices;  
Go, brew me a pottle of sack finely.   Bard. 
With eggs, Sir?  Fal. 
Simple of itself; I'll no Pullet-Spersme in my brewage. How now?  Qui. 
Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M. Ford.  Fal. 
Mis. Ford? I have had Ford enough; I was thrown into the Ford, I have my belly full of Ford.  Qui. 
Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not her fault; she does so take on with her men; they mistook their promise▪ erection.  Fal. 
So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's  Qui. 
Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yern your heart to see it; her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her, between eight and nine; I must carry her word quickly, she'll make you amends I warrant you.  Fal. 
Well, I will visit her, tell her so▪ and bid her think what a man is; Let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.  Qui. 
I will tell her.  Fal. 
Do so. Between nine and ten sayest thou?  Qui. 
Eight and nine Sir.  Fal. 
Well, be gone; I will not miss her.  Qu. 
Peace be with you Sir.  Fal. 
I marvel I hear not of Master Broome; he sent me word to stay within; I like his money well: Oh, here he comes.  Ford. 
Bless you Sir.  Fal. 

Now M. Broome, you come to know  
What hath passed between me, and Fords wife.   Ford. 
That indeed (Sir John) is my business.  Fal: 

M. Broome I will not lie to you,  
I was at her house the hour she appointed me.   Ford. 
And sped you Sir?  Fal. 
Very ill favouredly M. Broome.  Ford. 
How so sir, did she change her determination?  Fal. 
No (M. Broome) but the peaking Curnuio her husband (M. Broome) dwelling in a continnal alarm of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and (as it were) spoke the prologue of our Comedy▪ and at his heels, a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and (forsooth) to search his house for his wives love..  Ford. 
What? While you were there?  Fal. 
While I was there.  Ford. 
And did he search for you, and could not find you?  Fal. 
You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mist. Page, gives intelligence of Fords approach: and in her invention, and Fords wives distraction, they conveyed me into a bucke-basket.  Ford. 
A Buck-basket?  Fal. 
Yes, a Buck-basket: rammed me in with foul Shirts, and smocks, Socks, foul Stockings, greasy Napkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankest compound of villainous smell, that ever offended nostril.  Ford. 
And how long lay you there?  Fal. 
Nay, you shall hear (Master Broome) what I have suffered, to bring this woman to evil, for your good: Being thus crammed in the Basket, ● couple of Fords knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their Mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet lane; they took me on their shoulders met the jealous knave their Master in the door; who asked them once or twice what they had in their Basket? I quaked for fear lest the lunatic knave would have searched it: but Fate (ordaining he should be a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went he, for a search and away went I for foul clothes; But mark the sequel (Master Broome) I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: First, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten Bell▪ weather: Next to be compassed like a good Bilbo in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, he'll to▪ head. And then to be stopped in like a strong distillation with stinking clothes, that fretted in their own grease think of that, a man of my Kidney; think of that; that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scapesuffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when I was more than half stewed in grease (like a Dutchdish) to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that serge like a horse-shoe; think of that; hissing hot: think of that (Master Broome.)  Ford. 
In good sadness Sir, I am sorry, that for my sake you have suffered all this.  
My suit then is desperate: You'll undertake her no more?  Fal. 
Master Broome: I will be thrown into E●ta, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus; her Husband is this morning gone a Birding, I have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour (Master Broome.)  Ford. 
'Tis past eight already Sir,  Fal. 
Is it? I will then address me to my appointment; Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed: and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu; you shall have her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shall cuckold Ford.  Ford. 
Hum: ha'? Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Do I sleep? Master Ferd awake, awake Master Ford▪ there's a hole made in your best coat (Master Ford:) this 'tis to be married; this 'tis to have linen, and Buck-baskets: Well, I will proclaim myself what I am▪ I will now take the lecher; he is at my house; he cannot scape me; 'tis impossible he should: he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse, not into a Pepper-Boxe. But lest the devil that guides him, should aid him, I will search impossible places: though what I am, I cannot avoid; yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame; If I have horns, to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad.  Exeunt.   

Actus Quartus.  

Scoena Prima.  Enter Mistress Page, Quickly, William, evens: Mistress Page. 
Is he at M. Fords already thinkest thou?  Qui. 
Sure he is by this; or will be presently; but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.  Mis. Page. 
I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my youngman here to school; look where his Master comes; 'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, no school to day?  Euans. 
No, Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.  Qui. 
‛ Blessing of his heart.  Mis. Page. 
Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you ask him some questions in his Accidence.  Euans. 
Come hither William; hold up your head; come.  Mis. Page. 
Come-on sirrah; hold up your head; answer your Master, be not afraid.  Euans. 
William, how many Numbers is in nouns?  Will. 
Two.  Qui. 
Truly, I thought there had been one Number more, because they say od's-Nownes.  Euan. 
Peace, your tattlings. What is (fair) William?  Will. 
Pulcher.  Qu. 
Powlcats? there are fairer things than Powlcat, sure.  Euans. 
You are a very simplicity o'man; I pray you peace. What is (Lapis) William?  Will. 
A Stone.  Euan. 
And what is a Stone (William?)  Will. 
A Peeble.  Euan. 
No; it is Lapis; I pray you remember in your brain.  Will. 
Lapis.  Euans. 
That is a good William; what is he (William) that does lend Articles:  Will. 
Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined▪ Singulariter nominativo hic haec, hoc.  Euan. 
Nominativo hig, hag, hog; pray you mark; genitive huius; Well: what is your accusative-case?  Will. 
Accusative hinc.  Euan. 
I pray you have your remembrance (child) Accusativo hang, hang, hog.  Qui. 
Hang-hog, is latten for Bacon, I warrant you.  Euan. 
Leave your prabbles (o'man) What is the Vocative case (William?)  Will. 
O, vocativo, O.  Euan. 
Remember William, vocative, is caret:  Qui. 
And that's a good root.  Euan. 
O'man,, forbore.  Mis. Page. 
Peace.  Euan. 
What is your Genitive case plural (William?)  Will. 
Genitive case?  Euan. 
I.  Will. 
Genitive horum, harum, horum.  Qui. 
Vengeance of Ginyes case; fie on her; never name her (child) if she be a whore.  Euan. 
For shame o'man.  Qui. 
You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hic, and to hac; which they'll do fast enough of themselves, and to call horum; fie upon you.  Euan. 
O'man,, art thou Lunaties? Hast thou no understandings for thy Cases, and the numbers of the Genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures, as I would desires.  M. Page. 
Prithee hold thy peace.  Euan. 
Show me now (William) some declensions of your pronouns.  Will. 
Forsooth, I have forgot.  Euans. 
It is Qui, que, quod; if you forget your Quies, your Ques, and your Quods, you must be breeches: go your ways and play, go.  M. Page. 
He is a better scholar than I thought he was.  Euans. 
He is a good sprag▪ memory: farewell Mis. Page.  Mis. Page. 
Adieu good Sir Hugh.  
Get you home boy, Come we stay too long.  Exeunt:  

Scoena Secunda.  Enter Falstaff, M. Ford, Mist. Page. Servants, Ford, Page, Caius, Euans' Shallow. Fal. 
Mis. Ford, Your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance; I see you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth, not only Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accustrement compliment, and ceremony of it: But are you sure of your husband now?  M. Ford. 
he's a birding (sweet Sir John.)  Mis. Page. 
What hoa▪ gossip Ford; what hoa.  Mis. Ford. 
Step into th' chamber, Sir john▪  Mis. Page. 
How now (sweet heart) whose at home▪ besides yourself?  Mistress Ford. 
Why none but mine own people.  Mis. Page. 
Indeed?  Mis. Frod. 
No certainly; speak louder.  Mis. Page. 
Truly, I am so glad you have no body here.  Mist. Ford. 
Why?  Mis. Page. 
Why woman, your husband is in his old lines again; he so takes on yonder with my husband, so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffettes himself on the forehead; crying peere-out, peere-out, that any madness I ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat Knight is not here,  Mis. Ford. 
Why, does he talk of him?  Mis. Page. 
Of none but him, and swears he was carried out the last time he searched for him, in a Basket; Protests to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion: But I am glad the Knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.  Mis. Ford. 
How near is he Mistress Page?  Mist. Page. 
Hard by, at street end; he will be here anon▪  Mist. Ford. 
I am undone, the Knight is here:  Mist. Page. 
Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him; Better shame, than murder.  Mist. Ford. 
Which way should he go? How should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?  Fal. 
No, I'll come no more i'th' Basket.  
May I not go out ere he come?  Mist. Page. 
Alas: three of Master Fords brothers watch the door with Pistols, that none shall issue out: otherwise you might slip away ere he came: But what make you here?  Fal. 
What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney.  Mis. Ford. 
There they always use to discharge their Birding-peece: creep into the Kill▪ hole.  Fal. 
Where is it?  Mis. Ford. 
He will seek there on my word; neither press, Coffer, Chest, trunk, Well, Vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his Note; There is no hiding you in the house.  Fal. 
I'll go out then:  Mist. Ford. 
If you go out in your own semblance, you die Sir John, unless you go out disguised.  Mis. Ford. 
How might we disguise him?  Mis. Page. 
Alas the day I know not, there is no woman's gown big enough for him: otherwise he Might put on a hat, a muffler, and kerchief, and so escape.  Fal. 
Good hearts, divise something; any extremity, rather than a mischief.  Mis. Ford. 
My maid's Aunt the fat woman of Brainford, has a gown above.  Mis. Page. 
On my word it will serve him: she's as big as he is; and there's her thrummed hat, and her muffler▪ too: run up Sir John.  Mis. Ford. 
Go, go, sweet Sir john: Mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head.  Mis. Page. 
Quick, quick, we'll come dress you strait: put on the gown the while.  Mis. Ford. 
I would my husband would meet him in this shape; he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford; he swears she's a witch, forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her.  Mis. Page. 
Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards.  Mis. Ford. 
But is my husband coming?  Mis. Page. 
I in good sadness is he, and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.  Mis. Ford. 
we'll try that: for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time.  Mist. Page. 
Nay, but he'll be here presently: let go dress him like the witch of Brainford.  Mist. Ford. 
I'll first direct my men, what they shall do with the basket: go up, I'll bring linen for him strait.  Mist. Page. 

Hang him dishonst Varlet,  
We cannot misuse enough:  
Well leave a proof by that which we will do,  
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:  
We do not act that often, jest, and laugh,  
'Tis old, but true, Still Swine eats all the draugh.   Mist. Ford. 
Go Sirs, take the bas basket again on your shoulders: your Master is hard at door: if he bid you set it down, obey him▪ quickly, dispatch.  1 Ser. 
Come, come, take it up.  2 Ser. 
Pray heaven it be not full of Knight again.  1 Ser. 
I hope not, I had lief as bear so much lead.  Ford. 
I, but if it prove true (Master Page) have you any way then to unfoole me again. Set down the basket villain: some body call my wife: Youth in a basket: Oh you Panderly Rascals, there's a knot: a gin, a pack, a conspiracy against me. Now shall the devil be sham'd-What wise I say: Come, come forth: behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching.  Page. 
Why, this passes Master Ford, you are not to go lose any longer, you must be pinioned.  Euan●: 
Why, this is lunatics: this is mad, as a mad dog.  Shal. 
In deed Master Ford, this is not well indeed.  Ford. 
So say I too Sir, come hither Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature▪ that hath the jealous fool to her husband: I suspect without cause (Mistress) do I?  Mist. Ford. 
Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty.  Ford. 
Well said Brazen-face, hold it out: Come forth sirrah.  Page. 
This passes.  Mist. Ford. 
Are you not a shamed, let the clothes alone.  Ford. 
I shall find you anon.  Euan. 
'Tis unreasonable; will you take up your wife's clothes? Come, away.  Ford. 
Empty the basket I say.  Mis. Ford. 
Why man, why?  Ford. 
Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may not he be there again, in my house I am sure he is; my Intelligence is true, my jealousy is reasonable, pluck me out all the linen.  Mist. Ford. 
If you find a man there, he shall dye a Fleas death.  Page. 
here's no man.  Shal. 
By my fidelity this is not well Master Ford: This wrongs you.  Euans. 
Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.  Ford. 
Well, he's not here I seek for.  Page. 
No, nor no where else but in your brain.  Ford. 
Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; Let me for ever be your Table-sport; Let them say of me, as jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more, once more search with me.  Mist. Ford. 
What hoa (mistress Page,) come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the Chamber.  Ford. 
Old woman? what old woman's that?  M. Ford. 
Why it is my maid's Aunt of Brainford.  Ford: 
A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean: have I not forbid her my house. She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men, we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of Fortune telling, She works by charms, by spells, by th' Figure, and such dawbry as this is, beyond our Element: we know nothing. Come down you Witch, you hag you, come down I say.  Mis. Ford. 
Nay, good sweet husband, good Gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman.  Mis. Page. 
Come mother Prat, Come give me your hand.  Ford. 
I'll Prat-her: Out of my door, you Witch, you hag, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion, out, out: I'll conjure you, I'll fortune tell you.  Mis. Page. 

Are you not a shamed?  
I think you have killed the poor woman.   Mis. Ford. 
Nay he will do it, 'tis a goodly credit for you.  Ford. 
Hang her witch.  Euan. 
By yea, and no, I think the o'man is a witch indeed: I like not when a o'mans' has a great beard; I spy a great beard under his muffler.  Ford. 
Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you follow; see but the issue of my jealousy. If I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.  Page. 

Let's obey his humour a little further;  
Come Gentlemen.   Mis. Page. 
Trust me he beat him most pitifully.  Mis. Ford. 
Nay by th' mass that he did not; he beat him most unpittifully, me thought.  Mis. Page. 
I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung over the Altar, it hath done meritorious service.  Mis. Ford. 
What think you? May we with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge?  Mist. Page. 
The spirit of wantonness is sure scared out of him, if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with find & recovery, he will never (I think) in the way of waste, attempt us again.  Mist. Ford. 
Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?  Mist. Page. 
Yes, by all means: if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains: if they can find in their hearts, the poor unuertuous fat Knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will be still the ministers.  Mist. Ford. 
I'll warrant, they'll have him publicly shamed, and me thinks there would be no period to jest, should he not be publicly shamed.  Mist. Page. 
Come, to the Forge with it, then shape it: I would not have things cool.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Tertia.  Enter Host and Bardolfe. Bar. 
Sir, the German desires to have three of your horses: the Duke himself will be to morrow at Court, and they are going to meet him.  Host. 
What Duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the Court: let me speak with the Gentlemen, they speak English?  Bar. 
I Sir, I'll call him to you.  Host. 
They shall have my horses, but I'll make them pay: I'll sauce them, they have had my houses a week at command. I have turned away my other guests they must come off, I'll sauce them, come.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta▪  Enter Page, Ford, Mistress. Page, Mistress Ford, and Euans. Euan. 
'Tis one of the best discretions of a o'mans' as ever I did look upon.  Page. 
And did he send you both these Letters at an instant?  Mist. Page. 
Within a quarter of an hour.  Ford. 

Pardon me (wife) henceforth do what thou wilt:  
I rather will suspect the sun with gold,  
Then thee with wantonness: Now doth thy honour stand  
(In him that was of late an heretic)  
As firm as faith.   Page. 

'Tis well, 'tis well, no more:  
Be not as extreme in submission, as in offence,  
But let our plot go forward: Let our wives  
Yet once again (to make us public sport)  
Appoint a meeting with this old fat-fellow,  
Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it.   Ford. 
There is no better way than that they spoke of.  Page. 
How? to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll never come.  Euans. 
You say he has been thrown in the rivers: and has been grievously beaten, as an old o'man: methinks there should be terror in him, that he should not come: methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires,  Page. 
So think I too.  M. Ford. 
Device but how you'll use him when he comes, And let us two devise to bring him thither.  Mis. Page. 

There is an old tale goes, that Herne the  
Hunter (sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest)  
Doth all the winter time, at still midnight,  
Walk round about an oak, with great raged horns,  
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,  
And make milk-cows yield blood, and shakes a chain  
In a most hideous and dreadful manner.  
You have heard of such a Spirit, and well you know  
The superstitious idle-headed-Eld  
Received, and did deliver to our age  
This tale of Herne the Hunter, for a truth.   Page. 

Why yet there want not many that do fear  
In deep of night to walk by this Hernes oak:  
But what of this?   Mist. Ford. 

Marry this is our devise,  
That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.   Page. 

Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,  
And in this shape, when you have brought him thither,  
What shall be done with him? What is your plot?   Mis. Page. 

That likewise have we thought upon and thus:  
Nan Page (my daughter) and my little son,  
And three or four more of their growth, we'll dress  
Like urchins, Ouphes, and Fairies, green and white,  
With rounds of waxed Tapers on their heads  
And rattles in their hands; upon a sudden,  
As Falstaff, and I, are newly met,  
Let them from forth a saw▪ pitrush at once  
With some diffused song: upon their sight  
We two, in great amazedness will fly:  
Then let them all encircle him about,  
And Fairy-like to pinch the unclean Knight;  
And ask him why that hour of Fairy revel,  
In their so sacred paths, he dares to tread  
In shape profane.   Ford. 

And till he tell the truth,  
Let the supposed Fairies pinch him, sound,  
And burn him with their Tapers.   Mis. Page. 

The truth being known.  
We'll all present ourselves; dis-horne the spirit,  
And mock him home to Windsor.   Ford. 

The children must  
Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't.   Euan. 
I will teach the children their behaviours & I will: be like a jacke-an-apes also, to burn the Knight with my Taber.  Ford. 

That will be excellent,  
I'll go buy them vizards.   Mis. Page. 
My Nan shall be the Queen of all the Fairies, finely attired in a robe of white.  Page. 

That silk will I go buy, and in that time  
Shall M. Slender steal my Nan away,  
And marry her at Eton: go, send to Falstaff strait.   Ford. 

Nay. I'll to him again in the name of Broome,  
he'll tell me all his purpose: sure he'll come.   Mist. Page. 

Fear not you that; Go get us properties  
And tricking for our fairies.   Euans. 

Let us about it,  
It is admirable pleasures, and ferry honest knaveries.   Mis. Page. 

Go Mis. Ford,  
Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind;  
I'll to the Doctor, he hath my good will,  
And none but he to marry with Nan Page;  
That Slender (though well landed) is an idiot,  
And he, my husband best of all affects;  
The Doctor is well moneyed and friends  
Potent at Court; he, none but he shall have her,  
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.    

Scoena Quarta.  Enter Host, Simple, Falstaff, Bardolfe, Euans, cain's, Quickly. Host. 
What wouldst thou have? (boor) what? (thick skin) speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, nap.  Simp. 
Marry Sir, I come to speak with Sir john Falstaff from Master Slender.  Host. 
There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle his standing bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: go, knock and call: he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee; knock I say.  Simp. 
There's an old woman, a fat woman gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay Sir till she come down I come to speak with her indeed.  Host. 
Ha'▪ A fat woman? The Knight may be robbed; I'll call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir John; speak from thy Lungs Military; Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine Ephesian calls.  Fal. 
How now mine Host?  Host. 
Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat-woman. Let her descend (Bully) let her descend▪ my Chambers are honourable; Fie, privacy? Fie.  Fal. 
There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman even now with me, but she's gone.  Simp. 
Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of Brainford?  Fal. 
I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you with her?  Simp. 
My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her seeing her go through the streets, to know (Sir) whether one Nim (Sir) that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no▪  Fal. 
I spoke with the old woman about it.  Sim. 
And what says she, I pray Sir?  Fal. 
Marry she says, that the very same man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain, cozoned him of it.  Simp. 
I would I could have spoken with the Woman herself, I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him.  Fal. 
What are they? let us know.  Host. 
I; come, quick.  Fal. 
I may not conceal them (Sir.)  Host. 
Conceal them, or thou diest.  Sim. 
Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page, to know if it were my Master fortune to have her, or no.  Fal. 
'Tis, 'tis his fortune▪  Sim. 
What Sir?  Fal. 
To have her, or no: go; say the woman told me so.  Simple 
May I be bold to say so Sir?  Fal. 
I Sir: like who more bold.  Simp. 
I thank your worship: I shall make my Master glad with these tidings.  Host. 
Thou are clearkly; thou art clearkly (Sir John) was there a wise woman with thee?  Fal. 
I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taught me more wit, than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.  Bar. 
Out alas (Sir) cozonage: mere cozonage.  Host. 
Where be my horses? Speak well of them varletto.  Bar. 
Run away with the cozoners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away; like three germane-divels; three Doctor Faustaffes.  Host. 
They are gone but to meet the Duke (villain) do not say they be fled: germans are honest men.  Euans. 
Where is mine Host?  Host. 
What is the matter Sir?  Euan: 
Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me there is three Cozen-Iermans, that has cozened all the Hosts of Readius, of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: I tell you for good will (look you) you are wise, and full of gibes, and ulouting-stocks: and 'tis not convenient you should be cozoned. Far you well.  Cai. 
Ver'is mine Host de Jarteere?  Host. 
Here (Master Doctor) in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma.  Cai. 
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, that you make grand preparation for a Duke de jamanie: by my trot; der is no Duke that the Court is know, to come▪ I tell you for good will; adieu.  Host. 
Hue and cry, (villain) go: assist me Knight, I am undone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villain) I am undone.  Fal. 
I would all the world might be cozond, for I have been cozond and beaten too: if it should come to the ear of the Court, how I have been transformed; and how my transformation hath been washed, and cudgeled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dride-peare I neur prospered since I forswore myself at Primero: well, if my wind were but long enough; I would repent; Now? Whence come you?  Qui. 
From the two parties forsooth.  Fal. 
●●e devil take one party, and his Dam the other: and so they shall be both bestowed; I have suffered more for their sakes; more than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear.  Qui. 
And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistress Ford (good heart) is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.  Fal. 
What tell'st thou me of black, and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Brainford, but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman delivered me, the knave Constable had set meith ' Stocks, i'th' common Stocks, for a Witch.  Qui. 
Sir: let me speak with you in your Chamber, you shall hear how things go, and (I warrant) to your content: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts) what ado here is to bring you together? Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.  Fal. 
Come up into my Chamber.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Sexta.  Enter Fenton, Host. Host. 

Master Fenton, talk not to me, my mind is heavy:  
I will give over all.   Fen. 

Yet hear me speak; assist me in my purpose,  
And (as I am a gentleman) I'll give thee  
A hundred pound in gold, more than your loss.   Host. 
I will hear you (Master Fenton) and I will▪ (at the least) keep your counsel.  Fen. 

From time to time, I have acquainted you  
With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page,  
Who, mutually, hath answered my affection,  
(So fare forth, as herself might be her chooser)  
Even to my wish; I have a letter from her  
Of such contents, as you will wonder at;  
The mirth whereof, so larded with my matter,  
That neither (singly) can be manifested  
Without the show of both: fat Falstaff  
Hath a great Scene; the image of the jest.  
I'll show you here at large (hark good mine Host;)  
To night at Hernes-Oke, just 'twixt twelve and one,  
Must my sweet Nun present the Fairy Queen;  
The purpose why, is here▪ in which disguise  
While other lests are something rank on foot,  
Her father hath commanded her to slip  
Away with Slender, and with him, at Eton  
Immediately to Marry; She hat'st consented▪ Now Sir,  
Her Mother, (even strong against that match  
And firm for Doctor Caius) hath appointed  
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,  
While other sports are tasking of their minds,  
And at the deanery, where a Priest attends  
Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot  
She (seemingly obedient) likewise hath  
Made promise to the Doctor; Now, thus it rests,  
Her Father means she shall be all in white;  
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time  
To take her by the hand, and bid her go.  
She shall go with him; her Mother hath intended  
(The better to devote her to the Doctor;  
For they must all be masked, and vizarded)  
That acquaint in green, she shall be lose en-roabed,  
With Ribonds pendant, flaring'bout her head;  
And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe,  
To pinch her by the hand, and on that token,  
The maid hath given consent to go with him.   Host. 
Which means she to deceive? Father, or Mother.  Fen. 

Both (my good Host) to go along with me:  
And here it rests, that you'll procure the Vicar  
To stay for me at Church, 'twixt twelve, and one,  
And in the lawful name of marrying,  
To give our hearts united ceremony.   Host. 

Well, husband your device; I'll to the Vicar,  
Bring you the Maid, you shall not lack a Priest.   Fen. 

So shall I evermore be bound to thee;  
Besides, I'll make a present recompense.   Exeunt.   

Actus Quintus.  

Scoena Prima.  Enter Falstaff, Quickly, and Ford. Fal. 
Prithee no more prattling; go, I'll hold, this is the third time: I hope good luck lies in odd numbers: Away, go, they say there is divinity in odd Numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death: away.  Qui. 
I'll provide you a chain, and I'll do what I can to get 〈◊〉 a pair of horns.  Fal. 
Away I say, time wears, hold up your head and mince. How now Master Broome? Master Broome, the matter will be known to night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, at Hernes-Oake, and you shall see wonders.  Ford. 
Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you told me you had appointed?  Fal. 
I went to her (Master Broome) as you see, like a poore-old-man, but I came from her (Master Broome) like a poore-old-woman; that same knave (Ford her husband) hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him (Master Broome) that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you, he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman: (for in the shape of Man (Master Broome) I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam, because I know also, life is a Shuttle) I am in haste, go along with me, I'll tell you all (Master Broome:) since I plucked Geese, played truant, and whip● Top, I knew not what'twas to be beaten, till lately-Follow me, I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom to night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Fellow, strange things in hand (Master Broome) follow.  Exeunt.  

Scena Secunda.  Enter Page, Shallow, Slender. Page. 
Come, come: we'll couch i'th' Castle-ditch, till we see the light of our Fairies. Remember son Slender, my  Slen. 
I forsooth, I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry Mum; she cries Budget, and by that we know one another.  Shal. 
That's good too: But what needs either your Mum, or her Budget? The white will decipher her well enough. It hath strooke ten a▪ clock.  Page. 
The night is dark, Light and Spirits will become it well: heaven prosper our sport. No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away: follow me.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Tertia.  Enter Mis. Page, Mis. Ford, Caius. Mist. Page. 
Master Doctor, my daughter is in green, when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly; go before into the park; we two must go together.  Cai. 
I know vat I have to do, adieu.  Mist. Page. 
Far you well (Sir:) my husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the Doctors marrying my daughter; But 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heartbreak.  Mis. Ford. 
Where is Nan now? and her troop of Fairies? and the welch-devill Herne?  Mist. Page. 
They are couched in a pit hard by Hernes oak, with obscured Lights; which at the very instant of Falstaffes and our meeting, they will at once display to the night.  Mis. Ford. 
That cannot choose but amaze him.  Mis. Page. 
If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; If he be amazed, he will every way be mocked.  Mis. Ford. 
we'll betray him finely.  Mist. Page. 

Against such Lewdsters, and their lechery,  
Those that betray them, do no treachery.   Mi. Ford. 
The hour drawes-on; to the oak, to the oak.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta.  Enter Euans and Fairies. Euans. 
Trib, trib Fairies; Come, and remember your parts: be bold (I pray you) follow me into the pit, and when I give the watch-words, do as I bid you; Come, come trib, trib.  Exeunt.  

Scoena Quarta.  Enter Falstaff, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, Euans, Anne Page, fairy's, Page, Ford, Quickly, Slender, Fenton, Caius, pistol. Fal. 
The Windsor-bell hath struck twelve: the Minute draws on: Now the hot-bloodied▪ Gods assist me; Remember love, thou was't a Bull for thy Europa, love set on thy horns. O powerful love, that in some respects makes a Beast a Man: in some other, a Man a beast. You were also (Jupiter) a Swan, for the love of Leda: O omnipotent love, how ne'er the God drew to the complexion of a Goose: a fault done first in the form of a beast, (O Jove, a beastly fault:) and then another fault, in the semblance of a fowl, think on't (jove) a fowlefault. When Gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest (I think) i'th' forest. Send me a cool rut-time (Jove) or who can blame me to piss my Tallow? Who comes here my do?  M. Ford. 

Sir John? Art thou there (my deer?)  
My male-Deere?   Fal. 
My do, with the black Scut? Let the sky rain Potatoes: let it thunder, to the tune of greenesleeves, haile-kissing Comfit, and snow Eringoes; Let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.  Mis. Ford. 
Mistress Page is come with me (sweet heart.)  Fal. 
Divide me like a brid'd-Bucke, each a Haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk; and my horns I bequeath your husband. Am I a Woodman, ha'? Speak I like Herne the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience, he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome.  M. Page. 
Alas, what noise?  M. Ford. 
Heaven forgive-our sins.  Fal. 
What should this be?  M. Ford. 
M. Page. Away, away.  Fal. 

I think the devil will not have me damned,  
Lest the oil that's in me should set hell on fire;  
He would never else cross me thus.   Enter Eairies. Qui. 

Fairies black, grey, green, and white,  
You moonshine revellers, and shades of night.  
You Orphan heirs of fixed destiny,  
Attend your office, and your quality.  
Crier hobgoblyn, make the Fairy Oyes.   Bist. 

Elves, list your names: Silence you airy toys.  
Cricket, to Windsore-chimnies shalt thou leap;  
Where fires thou findest vnraked, and hearths unswept,  
There pinch the Maids as blue as Bill-berry,  
Our radiant Queen, hates Sluttery.   Fal. 

They are Fairies, he that speaks to them shall die,  
I'll wink, and couch: No man their works must eye.   Euan. 

where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid  
That ere she sleep has thrice her prayers said,  
Raise up the Organs of her fantasy,  
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy,  
But those as sleep, and think not on their sins,  
Pinch them arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.   Qu. 

About, about:  
Search Windsor Castle (elves) within, and out:  
Strew good luck (Ouphes) on every sacred room,  
That it may stand till the perpetual doom,  
In state as wholesome, as in state 'tis fit,  
Worthy the Owner, and the Owner it.  
The several chairs of Order, look you scour  
With juice of balm; and every precious flower,  
Each fair Instalment, coat, and several Crest,  
With loyal Blazon, evermore be blessed.  
And Nightly-meadow-Fairies, look you sing  
Like to the Garters-Compasse, in a ring,  
th'Expressure that it bears: Greene let it be,  
Moat fertile-fresh than all the Field to see;  
And, Hony Soit Qui mal-y-pences, writ  
In Emrold ruffs, flowers purple, blue; and white,  
Like Saphire-pearle, and rich embroidery,  
Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee;  
Fairies use flowers for their characterie:  
Away, disperse: But till 'tis one a clock,  
Our Dance of custom, round about the oak  
Of Herne the Hunter, let us not forget.   Eu. 

Pray you lock hand in hand: yourselves in order set.  
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be  
To guide our Measure round about the Tree.  
But stay, I smell a man of middle earth.   Fal. 

Heaven's defend me from that Welsh Fairy,  
Lest he transform me to a piece of Cheese.   Pistol. 
Vild worm, thou wast o'erlooked even in thy birth.  Qui. 

With Triall-fire touch me his finger end;  
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend  
And turn him to no pain: but if he start,  
It is the flesh of a corrupted hart.   Pissed. 
A trial, come.  Euan. 
Come: will this wood take fire?  Fal. 
Oh, oh, oh.  Qui. 

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire.  
About him (fairy's) sing a scornful rhyme,  
And as you trip, still pinch him to your time.   

The Song.  
Fie on sinful fantasy: Fie on Lust, and Luxirie.  
Lust is but a bloody fire, kindled with unchaste desire,  
Fed in heart whose flames aspire,  
As thoughts do blow them higher and higher:  
Pinch him (fairy's) mutual: Pinch him for his villainy.  
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,  
Till Candles, and starlight, and moonshine be out.   Page. 
Nay do not fly, I think we have watched you now; Will none but Herno the Hunter serve your turn?  M. Page. 

I pray you come, hold up the jest no higher.  
Now (good Sir John) how like you Windsor wives?  
See you these husband? Do not these fair yokes  
Become the forest better than the town?   Ford. 

Now Sir, who's a Cuckold now?  
Master Broome, Falstaffes a knave, a Cuckoldy knave,  
Hear are his horns Master Broome;   
And Master Broome, he hath enjoyed nothing of Fords, but his Buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Broome, his horses are arrested for it, Master Broome.  M. Ford. 
Sir John, we have had ill luck: we could never meet: I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.  Fal. 
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.  Ford. 
I, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant.  Fal. 
And these are not Fairies;  
I was three or four times in the thought they were not Fairies, and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, driven the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were Fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jacke-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment.  Euans. 
Sir john Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and Fairies will not pinch you.  Ford. 
Well said Fairy Hugh:  Euans. 
And leave you your iealouzies too, I pray you.  Ford. 
I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woe her in good English.  Fal. 
Have I laid my brain in the Sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross ore-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of freeze? 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted Cheese.  Euan. 
Cheese is not good to give butter; your belly is all butter.  Fal. 
Cheese, and butter? Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes Fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.  Mis. Page. 
Why Sir John, do you think though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?  Ford. 
What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?  Mis. Page. 
A puftman?  Page. 
Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrailes?  Ford. 
And one that is slanderous as Satan?  Page. 
And as poor as Job?  Ford. 
And as wicked as his wife?  Euan. 
And given to Fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and Wine, and Metheglins, and to drink and swear, and stare? Pribbles and prabbles?  Fal. 
Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me, I am dejected: I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel, Ignorance itself is plummet o'er me, use me as you will.  Ford. 
Marry Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor to one Master Broome, that you have cozoned of money, to whom you should have been a Pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction.  Page. 
Yet be cheerful Knight: thou shalt eat a posset to night at my house, where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.  Mis. Ford▪ 
Doctors doubt that;  
If Anne Page be my daughter, she is (by this) doctor Caius wife.  Slen. 
Whoa ho, ho, Father Page,  Page. 

Son? How now son.  
Have you dispatched?   Slen. 
Dispatched? I'll make the best in'Glostershire know on't: would I were hanged lafoy, else.  Page. 
Of what son?  Slen. 
I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i'th' Church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a postmasters Boy.  Page. 
Upon my life then, you took the wrong.  Slen. 
What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a Boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel) I would not have had him.  Page. 

Why this is your own folly,  
Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter, By her garments?   Slen. 
I went to her in green, and cried Mum, and she cried budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and yet it was not Anne, but a postmasters boy.  M. Page. 
Good George be not angry, I knew of your purpose: turned my daughter in white, and indeed she is now with the Doctor at the Denerie, and there married.  Cai. 
Ver is mistress Page: by gar I am cozoned, I ha' married one Garsoon, a boy; one peasant, by gar. A boy, it is not An Page, by gar, I am cozened.  Mis. Page. 
Why? did you take her in white?  Cai. 
I be gar, and 'tis a boy; be gar I'll raise all Windsor.  Ford. 
This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?  Page. 

My heart misgives me, here comes Master Fenton▪  
How now Master Fenton?   Anne. 
Pardon good father, good my mother pardon  Page. 

Now Mistress;  
How chance you went not with Master Slender?   Mis. Page. 
Why went you not with Master Doctor, maid?  Fen. 

You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.  
You would have married her most shamefully,  
Where there was no proportion held in love:  
The truth is, she and I (long since contracted)  
Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us,  
Th'offence is holy, that she hath committed,  
And this deceit loses the name of craft,  
Of disobedience, or unduteous title,  
Since therein she doth evitate and shun  
A thousand irreligious cursed hours  
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.   Ford. 

Stand not amazed, here is no remedy:  
In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state,  
Money buys Lands, and wives are sold by fate.   Fal. 
I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike 〈◊〉 that your Arrow hath glanced.  Page. 

Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy,  
What cannot be eschewed, must be embraced.   Fal. 
When night-dogges run, all sorts of deer are chased.  Mis. Page. 

Well, I will muse no further: Master Fenton,  
Heaven give you many, many merry days:  
Good husband, let us every one go home,  
And laugh this sport over by a country fire,  
Sir John and all.   Ford. 

Let it be so (Sir John:)  
To Master Broome, you yet shall hold your word,  
For he, to night, shall lie with mistress Ford.   Exeunt.   
FINIS.