Much ado about Nothing. As it hath been sundry times publicly acted by the right honourable, the Lord Chamberlain his servants. Written by William Shakespeare.  
LONDON Printed by V S. for Andrew Wise, and William Aspley. 1600.   

Much ado about Nothing.  Enter Leonato governor of Messina, Innogen his wife, Hero his daughter, and Beatrice his niece, with a messenger. Leonato. 
I Learn in this letter, that done Peter of Arragon comes this night to Messina.  Mess. 
He is very near by this, he was not three leagues off when I left him.  Leona. 
How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?  Mess. 
But few of any sort, and none of name.  Leona. 
A victory is twice itself, when the atchiver brings homeful numbers: I find here, that done Peter hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.  Mess. 
Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by don Pedro he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion, he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.  Leo. 
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.  Mess. 
I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much joy in him, even so much that joy could not show itself modest enough, without a badge of bitterness.  Leo. 
Did he break out into tears?  Mess. 
In great measure.  Leo. 
A kind overflow of kindness, there are no faces truer than those that are so washed, how much better is it to weep at joy, then to joy at weeping?  Beatr. 
I pray you, is signor Mountanto returned from the wars or no?  Messen. 
I know none of that name, lady, there was none such in the army of any sort.  Leonato 
What is he that you ask for niece?  Hero 
My cozen means signor Benedick of Padua.  Mess. 
O he's returned, and as pleasant as ever he was.  Bea. 
He set up his bills here in Messina, and challenged Cupid at the Flight, and my uncles fool reading the challenge subscribed for Cupid, and challenged him at the Burbolt: I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? but how many hath he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his kill.  Leo. 
Faith niece you tax signor Benedick too much, but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.  Mess. 
He hath done good service lady in these wars.  Beat. 
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it, he is a very valiant trencher man, he hath an excellent stomach.  Mess. 
And a good soldier too, lady.  Beat. 
And a good soldier to a Lady, but what is he to a Lord?  Mess. 
A lord to a lord, a man to a man, stuffed with all honourable virtues.  Beat. 
It is so indeed, he is no less than a stuffed man, but for the stuffing well, we are all mortal.  Leo. 
You must not, sir, mistake my niece, there is a kind of merry war betwixt signor Benedick and her, they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them.  Beat. 
Alas he gets nothing by that, in our last conflict, 4 of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one, so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse, for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable creature, who is his companion now? he hath every month a new sworn brother.  Mess. 
be't possible?  Beat. 
Very easily possible, he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes with the next block.  Mess. 
I see lady the gentleman is not in your books.  Beat. 
No, and he were, I would burn my study but I pray you who is his companion? is there no young squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?  Mess. 
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.  Beat. 
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease, he is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad, God help the noble Claudio, if he have caught the Benedict, it will cost him a thousand pound e●e a be cured.  Mess. 
I will hold friends with you Lady.  Beat. 
Do good friend.  Leon. 
You will never run mad niece.  Beat. 
No, not till a hot january.  Mess. 
Don Pedro is approached.  Enter don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar and john the bastard. Pedro 
Good signor Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the world is, to avoid cost, and you encounter it.  Leon. 
Never came trouble to my house, in the likeness of your grace; for trouble being gone, comfort should remain: but when you depart from me, sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave.  Pedro 
You embrace your charge too willingly: I think this is your daughter.  Leonato 
Her mother hath many times told me so.  Bened. 
Were you in doubt sir that you asked her?  Leonato 
signor Benedick, no, for than were you a child.  Pedro 
You have it full Benedick, we may guess by this, what you are, being a man, truly the Lady fathers herself: be happy Lady, for you are like an honourable father.  Be. 
If signor Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina as like him as she is.  Beat. 
I wonder that you will still be talking, signor Benedick, no body marks you.  Bene. 
What my dear lady Disdain! are you yet living?  Bea. 
Is it possible Disdain should die, while she hath such meet food to feed it, as signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to Disdain, if you come in her presence.  Bene. 
Then is courtesy a turncoat, but it is certain I am loved of all Ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.  Beat. 
A dear happiness to women, they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor, I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me.  Bene. 
God keep your Ladyship still in that mind, so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratched face.  Beat. 
Scratching could not make it worse, and 'ttwere such a face as yours were.  Bene. 
Well, you are a rare parrot teacher.  Beat. 
A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of yours.  Ben. 
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer, but keep your way a God's name, I have done.  Beat. 
You always end with a jades trick, I know you of old.  Pedro 
That is the sum of all: Leonato, signor Claudio, and signor Benedick, my dear friend Leonato, hath invited you all, I tell him we shall stay here, at the least a month and he hearty prays some occasion may detain us longer, I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.  Leon. 
If you swear my lord, you shall not be forsworn, let me bid you welcome, my lord, being reconciled to the Prince your brother: I own you all duty.  john 
I thank you, I am not of many words, but I thank you  Leon. 
Please it your grace lead on?  Pedro 
Your hand Leonato, we will go together.  Exeunt. Manent Benedick & Claudio. Clau. 
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of signor Leonato?  Bene. 
I noted her not, but I looked on her,  Clau. 
Is she not a modest young lady?  Bene. 
Do you question me as an honest man should do, for my simple true judgement? or would you have me speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?  Claudio 
No, I pray thee speak in sober judgement.  Bene. 
Why i'faith me thinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise, only this commendation I can afford her, that were she other then she is, she were unhandsome, and being no other, but as she is, I do not like her.  Claudio 
Thou thinkest I am in sport, I pray thee tell me truly how thou lik'st her.  Bene. 
Would you buy her that you inquire after her?  Claudio 
Can the world buy such a jewel?  Bene. 
Yea, and a case to put it into, but speak you this with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting jack, to tell us Cupid is a good Hare finder, and Vulcan a rare Carpenter: Come, in what key shall a man take you to go in the song?  Claudio 
In mine eye, she is the sweetest Lady that ever I looked on.  Bened. 
I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter: there's her cousin, and she were not possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty, as the first of May doth the last of December: but I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?  Claudio 
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.  Bened. 
be't come to this? in faith hath not the world one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion? shall I never see a bachelor of three score again? go to i'faith, and thou wilt needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, and sigh away sundays: look, done Pedro is returned to seek you.  Enter don Pedro, john the bastard. Pedro 
What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonatoes'?  Bene. 
I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.  Pedro 
I charge thee on thy allegiance.  Ben. 
You hear, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a dumb man, I would have you think so (but on my allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance) he is in love, with who? now that is your Grace's part: mark how short his answer is, with Hero Leonatoes' short daughter.  Clau. 
If this were so, so were it uttered.  Bened. 
Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas not so: but indeed, God forbidden it should be so.  Claudio 
If my passion change not shortly, God forbidden it should be otherwise.  Pedro 
Amen, if you love her, for the Lady is very well worthy.  Claudio 
You speak this to fetch me in, my Lord.  Pedro 
By my troth I speak my thought.  Claudio 
And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine.  Bened. 
And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I spoke mine.  Clau. 
That I love her, I feel.  Pedro 
That she is worthy, I know.  Bened. 
That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that fire can not melt out of me, I will die in it at the stake.  Pedro 
Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of Beauty.  Clau. 
And never could maintain his part, but in the force of his wil  Bene. 
That a woman conceived me, I thank her: that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks: but that I will have a rechate wound in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldric, all women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may go the finer,) I will live a bacheller.  Pedro 
I shall see thee ere I die, look pale with love.  Bene. 
With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my Lord, not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a Ballad-makers pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of blind Cupid.  Pedro 
Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument.  Bene. 
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a Cat, and shoot at me, and he that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder, and called Adam.  Pedro 
Well, as time shall try: in time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.  Bene. 
The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bulls horns, and set them in my forehead, and let me be vildly painted, and in such great letters as they writ, here is good horse to hire: let them signify under my sign, here you may see Benedick the married man.  Claudio 
If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn mad.  Pedro 
Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.  Bened. 
I look for an earthquake too then.  Pedro 
Well, you will temporize with the hours, in the mean time, good signor Benedick, repair to Leonatoes, commend me to him, and tell him I will not fail him at supper, for indeed he hath made great preparation.  Bened. 
I have almost matter enough in me for such an Embassage, and so I commit you.  Clau. 
To the tuition of God: from my house if I had it.  Pedro 
The sixth of july: your loving friend Benedick.  Bened. 
Nay mock not, mock not, the body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted on neither, ere you flout old ends any further, examine your conscience and so I leave you.  exit Claudio 
My liege, your Highness now may do me good.  Pedro 
My love is thine to teach, teach it but how,  
And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn  
Any hard lesson that may do thee good.  Clau. 
Hath Leonato any son, my lord?  Pedro 
No child but Hero, she's his only heir:  
Dost thou affect her Claudio?  Claudio 
O my lord,  
When you went onward on this ended action,  
I looked upon her with a soldiers eye,  
That liked, but had a rougher task in hand,  
Than to drive liking to the name of love:  
But now I am returned, and that warre-thoughts,  
Have left their places vacant: in their rooms,  
Come thronging soft and delicate desires,  
All prompting me how fair young Hero is,  
Saying I liked her ere I went to wars.  Pedro 
Thou wilt be like a lover presently,  
And tyre the hearer with a book of words,  
If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,  
And I will break with her, and with her father,  
And thou shalt have her: wast not to this end,  
That thou beganst to twist so fine a story?  Clau. 
How sweetly you do minister to love,  
That know loves grief by his complexion!  
But lest my liking might too sudden seem,  
I would have salude it with a longer treatise.  Pedro 
What need the bridge much brother than the flood?  
The fairest grant is the necessity:  
Look what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,  
And I will fit thee with the remedy,  
I know we shall have reveling to night,  
I will assume thy part in some disguise,  
And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,  
And in her bosom i'll unclasp my heart,  
And take her hearing prisoner with the force  
And strong encounter of my amorous tale:  
Then after to her father will I break,  
And the conclusion is, she shall be thine,  
In practice let us put it presently.  exeunt. Enter Leonato and an old man brother to Leonato Leo. 
How now brother, where is my cozen your son hath he provided this music?  Old 
He is very busy about it, but brother, I can tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.  Leo. 
Are they good?  Old 
As the events stamps them but they have a good cover: they show well outward, the prince and Count Claudio walking in a thick pleached alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine: the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece your daughter, and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance, and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the present time by the top, and instantly break with you of it.  Leo 
Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?  Old 
A good sharp fellow, I will send for him, and question him yourself.  Leo. 
No, no, we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true: go you and tell her of it: cousins, you know what you have to do, O I cry you mercy friend, go you with me and I will use your shill: good cousin have a care this busy time.  exeunt. Enter sir john the bastard, and Conrade his companion. Con. 
What the goodyeere my lord, why are you thus out of measure sad?  john 
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds, therefore the sadness is without limit.  Con. 
You should hear reason.  john 
And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?  Con 
If not a present remedy, at least a patiented sufferance.  john 
I wonder that thou (being as thou sayst, thou art, borne under Saturn) goest about to apply a moral medicine, to a mortifying mischief: I cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have cause, and smile at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach, and wait for no man's leisure: sleep when I am drowsy, and tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry, and claw no man in his humour.  Con. 
Yea but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment, you have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you should take true root, but by the fair weather that you make yourself, it is needful that you frame the season for your own harvest.  john 
I had rather be a canker in a hedge, than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all, then to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, (though I cannot be said to be a slatering honest man) it must not be denied but I am a plain dealing villain, I am trusted with a mussel, and enfraunchisde with a ●ogge, therefore I have decreed, not to sing in my cage: if I had my mouth I would bite: if I had my liberty I would do my liking: in the mean time, let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me.  Con. 
Can you make no use of your discontent?  john 
I make all use of it, for I use it only,  
Who comes here? what news Borachio?  Enter Borachio. Bor. 
I came yonder from a great supper, the prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.  john 
Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? what is he for a fool that betrothes himself to unquietness?  Bor. 
Mary it is your bothers' right hand.  john 
Who, the most exquisite Claudio?  Bor. 
Even he.  john 
A proper squire, and who, and who, which way looks he?  Bor. 
Mary one Hero the daughter and heir of Leonato.  john 
A very forward March-chicke, how came you to this?  Borachia 
Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipped me behind the arras, and there heard it agreed upon, that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.  john 
Come, come, let us thither, this may prove food to my displeasure, that young start up hath all the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way, you are both sure, and will assist me.  Conr. 
To the death my Lord.  john 
Let us to the great supper, their cheer is the greater that I am subdued, would the cook were a my mind, shall we go prove what's to be done?  Bor. 
we'll wait upon your lordship.  exit. Enter Leonato, his brother, his wife, Hero his daughter, and Beatrice his niece, and a kinsman. Leonato 
Was not count john here at supper?  brother 
I saw him not.  Beatrice 
How tartely that gentleman looks, I never can see him but I am heart-burned an hour after.  Hero 
He is of a very melancholy disposition.  Beatrice 
He were an excellent man that were made just in the midway between him and Benedick, the one is too like an image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling.  Leonato 
Then half signor Benedickes tongue in Count john's mouth, and half Count john's melancholy in signor Benedickes' face.  Beatrice 
With a good leg and a good foot uncle, and money enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the world if a could get her good will.  Leonato 
By my troth niece thou wilt never get thee a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.  brother 
Infaith she's too cursed.  Beatrice 
Too cursed is more than cursed, I shall lessen Gods sending that way, for it is said, God sends a cursed cow short horns, but to a cow too cursed, he sends none.  Leonato 
So, by being too cursed, God will send you no horns.  Beatrice 
Just, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing, I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening: Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face, I had rather lie in the woollen!  Leonato 
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.  Beatrice 
What should I do with him, dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting gentle woman? he that hath a beard, is more than a youth: and he that hath no beard, is less than a man: and he that is more than a youth, is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him, therefore I will even take sixpence in earnest of the Berrord, and lead his apes into hell.  Lenoato 
Well then go you into hell.  Beatrice 
No but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, get you to heaven Beatrice, get you to heaven, here's no place for you maids, so deliver I up my apes and away to saint Peter: for the heavens, he shows me where the Bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long.  brother 
Well niece, I trust you will be ruled by your father.  Beatrice 
Yes faith, it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy and say, father, as it please you: but yet for all that cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make an other curtsy, and say, father, as it please me.  Leonato 
Well niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.  Beatrice 
Not till God make men of some other metal than earth, would it not grieve a woman to be over-masterd with a piece of valiant dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marvel? no uncle, i'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.  Leonato 
Daughter, remember what I told you, if the prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.  Beatrice 
The fault will be in the music cousin, if you be not wooed in good time: if the prince be too important, tell him there is measure in every thing, and so dance out the answer, for hear me Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch ijgge, a measure, and a cinquepace: the first suit is hot and hasty like a Scotch ijgge (and full as fantastical) the wedding mannerly modest (as a measure) full of state and aunchentry, and then comes Repentance, and with his bad legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.  Leonato 
Cousin you apprehend passing shrewdly.  Beatrice 
I have a good eye uncle, I can see a church by daylight.  Leonato 
The revellers are entering brother, make good room.  Enter prince, Pedro, Claudio, and Benedick, and Balthaser, or dumb john. Pedro 
Lady will you walk about with your friend?  Hero 
So, you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away.  Pedro 
With me in your company.  Hero 
I may say so when I please.  Pedro 
And when please you to say so?  Hero 
When I like your favour, for God defend the lute should be like the case.  Pedro 
My visor is philemon's roof, within the house is jove.  Hero 
Why then your visor should be thatched.  Pedro 
Speak low if you speak love.  Bene. 
Well, I would you did like me.  Mar. 
So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.  Bene. 
Which is one?  Mar. 
I say my prayers aloud.  Bene. 
I love you the better, the hearers may cry Amen.  Marg. 
God match me with a good dancer.  Balth. 
Amen.  Marg. 
And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done: answer Clarke.  Balth. 
No more words, the Clerk is answered.  Ursula 
I know you well enough, you are signor Anthonio.  Antho. 
At a word I am not.  Ursula 
I know you by the wagling of your head.  Antho. 
To tell you true, I sergeant him.  Ursula 
You could never do him so ill well, unless you were the very man: here's his dry hand up and down, you are he, you are he.  Antho. 
At a word I am not.  Ursula 
Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? go to, mum, you are he, graces will appear, and there's an end.  Beat. 
Will you not tell me who told you so?  Bened. 
No, you shall pardon me.  Beat. 
Nor will you not tell me who you are?  Bened. 
Not now.  Beat. 
That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the hundred merry tales: well, this was signor Benedick that said so.  Bened. 
What's he?  Beat. 
I am sure you know him well enough.  Bened. 
Not I, believe me.  Beat. 
Did he never make you laugh?  Bened. 
I pray you what is he?  Beat. 
Why he is the prince's jester, a very dull fool only his gift is, in devising impossible slanders, none but Libertines delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him, and beat him: I am sure he is in the Fleet, I would he had boarded me.  Bene. 
When I know the Gentleman, i'll tell him what you say.  Beat. 
Do, do, he'll but break a comparison or two on me, which peradventure, (not marked, or not laughed at) strikes him into melancholy and then there's a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no supper that night: we must follow the leaders.  Bene. 
In every good thing.  Beat. 
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next turning.  Dance exeunt john 
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it: the Ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.  Borachio 
And that is Claudio, I know him by his bearing.  john 
Are not you signor Benedick?  Clau. 
You know me well, I am he.  john 
signor, you are very near my brother in his love, he is enamoured on Hero, I pray you dissuade him from her, she is no equal for his birth, you may do the part of an honest man in it.  Claudio 
How know you he loves her?  john 
I heard him swear his affection.  Borac. 
So did I too, and he swore he would marry her to night.  john 
Come let us to the banquet.  exeunt: manet Clau. Claud. 
Thus answer I in name of Benedick,  
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio:  
'tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself,  
Friendship is constant in all other things,  
Save in the office and affairs of love:  
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.  
Let every eye negotiate for itself,  
And trust no Agent: for Beauty is a witch,  
Against whose charms, faith melteth into blood:  
This is an accident of hourly proof,  
Which I mistrusted not: farewell therefore Hero.  Enter Benedick Benedick 
Count Claudio.  Claudio 
Yea, the same.  Bene. 
Come, will you go with me?  Claudio 
Whither?  Bene. 
Even to the next willow, about your own business, county: what fashion will you wear the garland of? about your neck, like an usurers chain? or under your arm, like a Lieutenant's scarf? you must wear it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.  Claudio 
I wish him joy of her.  Bened. 
Why that's spoken like an honest Drovier, so they sell bullocks: but did you think the Prince would have served you thus?  Claudio 
I pray you leave me.  Benedick 
Ho now you strike like the blindman, 'twas the boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.  Claudio 
If it will not be, i'll leave you.  exit Benedick 
Alas poor hurt foul, now will he creep into sedges: but that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me: the prince's fool! hah, it may be I go under that title because I am merry: yea but so I am apt to do myself wrong: I am not so reputed, it is the base (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice, that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out: well, i'll be revenged as I may.  Enter the Prince, Hero, Leonato, john and Borachio, and Conrad. Pedro 
Now signor where's the Count, did you see him?  Benedick 
Troth my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame, I found him here as melancholy as a Lodge in a Warren, I told him, and I think I told him true, that your grace had got the goodwill of this young Lady and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.  Pedro 
To be whipped, what's his fault?  Benedick 
The flat transgression of a Schoolboy, who being overjoyed with finding a birds nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.  Pedro 
Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? the transgression is in the stealer.  Benedick 
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, & the garland too, for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who (as I take it) have stolen his birds nest.  Pedro 
I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.  Benedick 
If their singing answer your saying, by my faith you say honestly.  Pedro 
The lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you, the Gentleman that danced with her, told her she is much wronged by you.  Bened. 
O she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with one green leaf on it, would have answered her: my very visor began to assume life, and scold with her: she told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince's jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddleing jest upon jest, with such impossible conuciance upon me, that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me: she speaks poynyards, and every word stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her, she would infect to the north star: I would not marry her, though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed, she would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too: come, talk not of her, you shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel, I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell, as in a sanctuary, and people sin upon purpose, because they would go thither, so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.  Enter Claudio and Beatrice. Pedro 
Look here she comes.  Benedick 
Will your grace command me any service to the worlds end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on: I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch of Asia: bring you the length of Prester john's foot: fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard: do you any embassage to the Pigmies, rather than hold three words conference, with this harpy, you have no employment for me?  Pedro 
None, but to desire your good company.  Benedick 
O God sir, here's a dish I love not, I cannot endure my Lady Tongue.  exit. Pedro 
Come Lady, come, you have lost the heart of signor Benedick.  Beatrice 
Indeed my Lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for it, a double heart for his single one, mary once before he won it of me, with false dice, therefore your grace may well say I have lost it.  Pedro 
You have put him down Lady, you have put him down.  Beatrice 
So I would not he should do me, my Lord, lest I should prove the mother of fools: I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.  Pedro 
Why how now Count, wherefore are you sad?  Claudio 
Not sad my Lord.  Pedro 
How then? sick?  Claudio 
Neither, my Lord.  Beatrice 
The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well: but civil Count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous complexion.  Pedro 
I faith Lady, I think your blazon to be true, though i'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false: here Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won, I have broke with her father, and his good will obtained, name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy.  Leonato 
Count take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it.  Beatrice 
Speak Count, 'tis your Qu.  Claudio 
Silence is the perfectest Herald of joy, I were but little happy if I could say, how much? Lady, as you are mine, I am yours, I give away myself for you, and dote upon the exchange.  Beat. 
Speak cousin, or (if you cannot) stop his mouth with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.  Pedro 
Infaith lady you have a merry heart.  Beatr. 
Yea my lord I thank it, poor fool it keeps on the windy side of Care, my cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart  Clau. 
And so she doth cousin.  Beat. 
Good Lord for alliance: thus goes every one to the world but I, and I am sunburnt, I may sit in a corner and cry, heigh ho for a husband.  Pedro 
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.  Beat. 
I would rather have one of your father's getting: hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? your father got excellent husbands if a maid could come by them.  Prince 
Will you have me? lady.  Beatr. 
No my lord, unless I might have another for working-days, your grace is too costly to wear every day: but I beseech your grace pardon me, I was born to speak all mirth, and no matter.  Prince 
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry, best becomes you, for out a question, you were borne in a merry hour.  Beatr. 
No sure my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a star danced, and under that was I borne, cousin's God give you joy.  Leonato 
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?  Beat 
I cry you mercy uncle, by your grace's pardon.  exit Beatrice. Prince 
By my troth a pleasant spirited lady.  Leon. 
There's little of the melancholy element in her my lord, she is never sad, but when she sleeps, & not ever sad then: for I have heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamt of unhappiness, and waked herself with laughing.  Pedro 
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.  Leonato 
O by no means, she mocks all her wooers out of suit.  Prince 
She were an excellent wife for Benedick.  Leonato 
O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they would talk themselves mad.  Prince 
County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?  Clau. 
To morrow my lord, Time goes on crutches, till Love have all his rites.  Leonato 
Not till monday, my dear son, which is hence a just seven-night, and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind.  Prince 
Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing, but I warrant thee Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us, I will in the interim, undertake one of Hercules' labours, which is, to bring signor Benedick and the lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th'one with th'other, I would feign have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall give you direction.  Leonato 
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights watchings.  Claud. 
And I my Lord.  Prince 
And you too gentle Hero?  Hero 
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband.  Prince 
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know: thus far can I praise him, he is of a noble strain, of approved valour, and confirmed honesty, I will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick, and I, with your two helps, will so practise on Benedick, that in despite of his quick wit, and his queasy stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice: if we can do this, Cupid is no longer an Archer, his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods, go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.  exit. Enter john and Borachio. john 
It is so, the Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato.  Bora. 
Yea my lord, but I can cross it.  john 
Any bar, any cross, any impediment, will be medcinable to me, I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart his affection, ranges evenly with mine, how canst thou cross this marriage?  Bor. 
Not honestly my lord, but so covertly, that no dishonesty shall appear in me.  john 
Show me briefly how.  Bor. 
I think I told your lordship a year since, how much I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.  john 
I remember.  Bor. 
I can at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window.  john 
What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?  Bor. 
The poison of that lies in you to temper, go you to the prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold up, to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.  john 
What proof shall I make of that?  Bor. 
Proof enough, to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero, and kill Leonato, look you for any other issue?  john 
Only to despite them I will endeavour any thing.  Bor. 
Go then, find me a meet hour, to draw done Pedro and the Count Claudio alone, tell them that you know that Hero loves me, intent a kind of zeal both to the prince & Claudio (as in love of your brother's honour who hath made this match) and his friend's reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the semblance of a maid, that you have discover d thus: they will scarcely believe this without trial: offer them instances which shall bear no less likelihood, than to see me at her chamber window, hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Marg term me Claudio, & bring them to see this the very night before the intended wedding, for in the mean time, I will so fashion the matter, that Hero shall be absent and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero's disloyalty, that jealousy shall be called assurance and all the preparation overthrown.  john 
Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in practice: be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a thousand ducats.  Bor. 
Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not shame me.  john 
I will presently go learn their day of marriage.  exit Enter Benedick alone. Bene. 
Boy.  Boy 
signor.  Bene. 
In my chamber window lies a book, bring it hither to me in the orchard.  Boy. 
I am here already sir.  exit. Bene. 
I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again. I do much wonder, that one man seeing how much an other man is a fool, when he dedicates his behaviours to love, will after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn, by falling in love, and such a man is Claudio, I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife, and now had he rather hear the taber and the pipe: I have known when he would have walked ten mile a foot, to see a good armour, and now will he lie ten nights awake carving the fashion of a new doublet: he was wont to speak plain, and to the purpose (like an honest man and a soldier) and now is he turned orthography, his words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes: may I be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell, I think not: I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster, but i'll take my oath on it, till he have made and oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool: one woman is fair, yet I am well, an other is wise, yet I am well: an other virtuous, yet I am well: but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace: rich she shall be that's certain, wise, or i'll none, virtuous, or i'll never cheapen her: fair, or i'll never look on her, mild, or come not near me, noble, or not I for an angel, of good discourse, an excellent physician, and her hair shall be of what colour it please God hah! the prince and monsieur Love, I will hide me in the arbour.  Enter prince, Leonato, Claudio, Music. Prince 
Come shall we hear this music?  Claud. 
Yea my good lord: how still the evening is,  
As hushed on purpose to grace harmony!  Prince 
See you where Benedick hath hid himself?  Claud. 
O very well my lord: the music ended,  
we'll fit the kid-foxe with a penny worth.  Enter Balthaser with music. Prince 
Come Balthaser, we'll hear that song again.  Balth. 
O good my lord, tax not so bad a voice,  
To slander music any more than once.  Prince 
It is the witness still of excellency,  
To put a strange face on his own perfection,  
I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.  Balth. 
Because you talk of wooing I will sing,  
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit,  
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he woos,  
Yet will he swear he loves.  Prince 
Nay pray thee come,  
Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,  
Do it in notes.  Balth. 
Note this before my notes,  
There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.  Prince 
Why these are very crotchets that he speaks,  
Note notes forsooth and nothing.  Bene. 
Now divine air, now is his soul ravished, is it not strange that sheeps guts should hale souls out of men's bodies? well a horn for my money when all's done.  

The Song.  
Sigh no more ladies, sigh no more,  
Men were deceivers ever,  
One foot in sea, and one on shore,  
To one thing constant never,  
Then sigh not so, but let them go,  
And be you blithe and bonny,  
Converting all your sounds of woe,  
Into hay nonny nonny.  
Sing no more ditties sing no more,  
Of dumps so dull and heavy,  
The fraud of men was ever so,  
Since summer first was levy,  
Then sigh not so, etc.   Prince 
By my troth a good song.  Bene. 
And an ill singer my lord.  Prince 
Ha no no faith, thou singest well enough for a shift.  Ben. 
And he had been a dog that should have howld thus, they wouldhave have hanged him, and I pray God his bad voice bode no mischief, I had as live have heard the night-raven, come what plague could have come after it.  Prince 
Yea mary, dost thou hear Balthasar? I pray thee get us some excellent music: for to morrow night we would have it at the lady Heroes chamber window.  Balth. 
The best I can my lord.  Exit Balthasar. Prince 
Do so, farewell. Come hither Leonato, what was it you told me of to day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with signor Benedick?  Cla. 
O I, stalk on, stalk on, the foul sits. I did never think that lady would have loved any man.  Leo. 
No nor I neither, but most wonderful, that she should so dote on signor Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seemed ever to abhor.  Bene. 
be't possible? sits the wind in that corner?  Leo. 
By my troth my Lord, I cannot tell what to think of it but that she loves him with an enraged affection, it is passed the infinite of thought.  Prince 
May be she doth but counterfeit.  Claud. 
Faith like enough.  Leon. 
O God counterfeit? there was never counterfeit of passion, came so near the life of passion as she discovers it.  Prince 
Why what effects of passion shows she?  Claud. 
Bait the hook well, this fish will bite.  Leon. 
What effects my Lord? she will sit you, you heard my daughter tell you how.  Claud. 
She did indeed.  Prince 
How how I pray you! you amaze me, I would have thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.  Leo. 
I would have sworn it had, my lord, especially against Benedick.  Bene. 
I should think this a gull, but that the white bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot sure hide himself in such reverence.  Claud. 
He hath ta'en th' infection, hold it up.  Prince 
Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?  Leonato 
No, and swears she never will, that's her torment.  Claudio 
'tis true indeed, so your daughter says: shall I, says she, that have so oft encountered him with scorn, writ to him that I love him?  Leo. 
This says she now when she is beginning to write to him, for she'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.  Clau. 
Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest your daughter told of us.  Leonato 
O when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet.  Claudio 
That.  Leon. 
O she tore the letter into a thousand halfpennies, railed at herself, that she should be so immodest to write, to one that she knew would flout her, I measure him, says she, by my own spirit, for I should flout him, if he writ to me, yea though I love him I should.  Clau. 
Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses, O sweet Benedick, God give me patience.  Leonato 
She doth indeed, my daughter says so, and the ecstasy hath so much overborne her, that my daughter is sometime afeard she will do a desperate outrage to herself, it is very true.  Prince 
It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it.  Claudio 
To what end: he would make but a sport of it, and torment the poor Lady worse.  Prince 
And he should, it were an alms to hang him she's an excellent sweet lady, and (out of all suspicion,) she is virtuous.  Claudio 
And she is exceeding wise.  Prince 
In every thing but in loving Benedick.  Leonato 
O my Lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we have ten proofs to one, that blood hath the victory, I am sorry for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle, and her guardian.  Prince 
I would she had bestowed this dotage on me, I would have daft all other respects, and made her half myself: I pray you tell Benedick of it, and hear what a will say.  Leonato 
Were it good think you?  Claudio 
Hero thinks surely she will die, for she says she will die, if he love her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, and she will die if he woo her rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crosnes●e.  Prince 
She doth well, if she should make tender of her love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it, for the man (as you know all) hath a contemptible spirit.  Claudio 
He is a very proper man.  Prince 
He hath indeed a good outward happiness.  Claudio 
Before God, and in my mind, very wise.  Prince 
He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.  Claudio 
And I take him to be valiant.  Prince 
As Hector, I assure you, and in the managing of quarrels you may say he is wise, for either he avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes them with a most christian-like fear.  Leonato 
If he do fear God, a must necessarily keep peace, if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling.  Prince 
And so will he do, for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seems not in him, by some large jests he will make: well I am sorry for your niece, shall we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?  Claudio 
Never tell him, my Lord, let her wear it out with good counsel.  Leonato 
Nay that's impossible, she may wear her heart out first.  Prince 
Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter, let it cool the while, I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady.  Leonato 
My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.  Claudio 
If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation  Prince 
Let there be the same net spread for her, and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry: the sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of an others dotage, and no such matter, that's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb show: let us send her to call him in to dinner.  Benedick 
This can be no trick, the conference was sadly borne, they have the truth of this from Hero, they seem to pity the Lady: it seems her affections have their full bent: love me? why it must be requited: I hear how I am censured, they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive the love come from her: they say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection: I did never think to marry, I must not seem proud, happy are they that hear their detractions, and can put them to mending: they say the Lady is fair, 't is a truth, I can bear them witness: and virtuous, us so, I cannot reprove it, and wise, but for loving me, by my troth it is no addition to her wit, nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her, I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat in his youth, that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences, and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married, here comes Beatrice: by this day, she's a fair lady, I do spy some marks of love in her.  Enter Beatrice. Beatr. 
Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.  Bene. 
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.  Beat. 
I took no more pains for those thanks, than you take pains to thank me, if it had been painful I would not have come.  Bene. 
You take pleasure then in the message.  Beat. 
Yea just so much as you may take upon a knives point, and choke a daw withal: you have no stomach signor, far you well.  exit. Bene. 
Ha, against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner: there's a double meaning in that: I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me, that's as much as to say, any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks: if I do not take pity of her I am a villain, if I do not love her I am a jew, I will go get her picture,  exit. Enter Hero and two Gentlewomen, Margaret, and Ursley. Hero 
Good Margaret run thee to the parlour,  
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice,  
Proposing with the prince and Claudio,  
Whisper her ear and tell her I and Vrsley,  
Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse  
Is all of her, say that thou over-heardst us,  
And bid her steal into the pleached bower  
Where honeysuckles ripened by the sun,  
Forbidden the sun to enter: like favourites,  
Made proud by princes, that advance their pride,  
Against that power that bred it, there will she hide her,  
To listen our propose, this is thy office,  
Bear thee well in it, and leave us alone.  Marg. 
I'll make her come I warrant you presently.  Hero 
Now Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,  
As we do trace this alley up and down,  
Our talk must only be of Benedick,  
When I do name him let it be thy part,  
To praise him more than ever man did merit.  
My talk to thee must be how Benedick,  
Is sick in love with Beatrice: of this matter,  
Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,  
That only wounds by hearsay: now begin,  
For look where Beatrice like a Lapwing runs  
Close by the ground, to hear our conference.  Enter Beatrice. Ursula 
The pleasantst angling is to see the fish  
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,  
And greedily devour the treacherous bait:  
So angle we for Beatrice, who even now,  
Is couched in the wood-bine coverture,  
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.  Hero 
Then go we near her that her ear lose nothing,  
Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it:  
No truly Ursula, she is too disdainful,  
I know her spirits are as coy and wild,  
As haggerds of the rock.  Ursula 
But are you sure,  
That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?  Hero 
So says the prince, and my new trothed Lord.  Ursula 
And did they bid you tell her of it, madame?  Hero 
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it,  
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,  
To wish him wrestle with affection,  
And never to let Beatrice know of it.  Ursula 
Why did you so, doth not the gentleman  
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed,  
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?  Hero 
O God of love! I know he doth deserve,  
As much as may be yielded to a man:  
But nature never framed a woman's heart,  
Of prouder stuff then that of Beatrice:  
Disdain and Scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,  
Misprising what they look on, and her wit  
Values itself so highly, that to her  
All matter else seems weak: she cannot love,  
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,  
She is so self endeared.  Ursula 
Sure I think so,  
And therefore certainly it were not good,  
She knew his love lest she'll make sport at it.  Hero 
Why you speak truth, I never yet saw man,  
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured.  
But she would spell him backward: if fair faced,  
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister:  
If black, why Nature drawing of an antic,  
Made a foul blot: if tall, a lance ill headed:  
If low, an agate very vildly cut:  
If speaking why a vane blown with all winds:  
If silent, why a block moved with none:  
So turns she every man the wrong side out,  
And never gives to Truth and Virtue, that  
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.  Ursula 
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.  Hero 
No not to be so odd, and from all fashions,  
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable,  
But who dare tell her so? if I should speak,  
She would mock me into air, O she would laugh me  
Out of myself press me to death with wit,  
Therefore let Benedick like covered fire,  
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:  
It were a better death, then die with mocks,  
Which is as bad as die with tickling.  Ursula 
Yet tell her of it, hear what she will say.  Hero 
No rather I will go to Benedick,  
And counsel him to fight against his passion,  
And truly i'll devise some honest slanders,  
To stain my cousin with, one doth not know,  
How much an ill word may impoison liking.  Ursula 
O do not do your cousin such a wrong,  
She cannot be so much without true judgement,  
Having so swift and excellent a wit,  
As she is prised to have, as to refuse  
So rare a gentleman as signor Benedick.  Hero 
He is the only man of Italy,  
Always excepted my dear Claudio.  Ursula 
I pray you be not angry with me, madame,  
Speaking my fancy: signor Benedick,  
For shape, for bearing argument and valour,  
Goes foremost in report through Italy.  Hero 
Indeed he hath an excellent good name.  Ursula 
His excellence did earn it, ere he had it:  
When are you married madame?  Hero 
Why every day to morrow, come go in,  
I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel,  
Which is the best to furnish me to morrow.  Ursula 
she's limed I warrant you,  
We have caught her madame.  Hero 
If it prove so, then loving goes by haps,  
Some Cupid kills with arrows some with traps.  Beat. 
What fire is in mine ears? can this be true?  
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much?  
Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu,  
No glory lives behind the back of such.  
And Benedick, love on I will requite thee,  
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:  
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee  
To bind our loves up in a holy band.  
For others say thou dost deserve, and I  
Believe it better than reportingly.  exit. Enter Prince, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato. Prince 
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.  Claud. 
I'll bring you thither my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.  Prince 
Nay that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat and forbidden him to wear it, I will only be bold with Benedick for his company, for from the crown of his head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth, he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him, he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks.  Bene. 
Gallants, I am not as I have been.  Leo. 
So say I, me thinks you are sadder.  Clau. 
I hope he be in love.  Prince 
Hang him truant, there's no true drop of blood in him to be truly touched with love, if he be sad, he wants money.  Bene. 
I have the toothache.  Prince 
Draw it.  Bene. 
Hang it.  Clau. 
You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.  Prince 
What? sigh for the toothache.  Leon. 
Where is but a humour or a worm.  Bene. 
Well, every one cannot master a grief, but he that has it.  Clau. 
Yet say I, he is in love.  Prince 
There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises, as to be a Dutchman to day, a Frenchman to morrow, or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waste downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet: unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.  Clau. 
If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs, a brushes his hat a mornings, what should that bode?  Prince 
Hath any man seen him at the Barbers?  Clau. 
No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis balls.  Leon. 
Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.  Prince 
Nay a rubs himself with civit, can you smell him out by that?  Claud. 
That's as much as to say, the sweet youths in love.  Bene. 
The greatest note of it is his melancholy.  Claud. 
And when was he wont to wash his face?  Prince 
Yea or to paint himself? for the which I hear what they say of him.  Claud. 
Nay but his jesting spirit, which is now crept into a lutestring, and now governed by stops.  Prince 
Indeed that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude, conclude he is in love.  Claud. 
Nay but I know who loves him.  Prince 
That would I know too, I warrant one that knows him not.  Claud. 
Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despite of all, dies for him.  Prince 
She shall be buried with her face upwards.  Bene. 
Yet is this no charm for the toothache, old signor, walk aside with me, I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.  Prince 
For my life to break with him about Beatrice.  Claud. 
'tis even so, Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.  Enter john the Bastard. Bastard 
My lord and brother, God save you.  Prince 
Good den brother.  Bastard 
If your leisure served, I would speak with you.  Prince 
In private?  Bastard 
If it please you, yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I would speak of, concerns him.  Prince 
What's the matter?  Bast. 
Means your Lordship to be married to morrow?  Prince 
You know he does.  Bast. 
I know not that when he knows what I know.  Claud. 
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.  Bast. 
You may think I love you not, let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest, for my brother (I think, he holds you well, and in dearness of heart) hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage: surely suit ill spent, and labour ill bestowed.  Prince 
Why what's the matter?  Bast. 
I came hither to tell you, and circumstances shortened, (for she has been too long a talking of) the lady is disloyal.  Clau. 
Who Hero?  Bastar. 
Even she, Leonatoes' Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero.  Clau. 
Disloyal?  Bast. 
The word is too good to paint out her wickedness, I could say she were worse, think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it: wonder not till further warrant: go but with me to night you shall see her chamber window entered, even the night before her wedding day, if you love her, then to morrow wed her: But it would better fit your honour to change your mind.  Claud. 
May this be so?  Prince 
I will not think it.  Bast. 
If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough, and when you have seen more, and heard more, proceed accordingly.  Claudio 
If I see any thing to night, why I should not marry her to morrow in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.  Prince 
And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee, to disgrace her.  Bastard 
I will disparaged her no farther, till you are my witnesses, bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.  Prince 
O day untowardly turned!  Claud. 
O mischief strangely thwarting!  Bastard 
O plague right well prevented! so will you say, when you have seen the sequel.  Enter Dogbery and his compartner with the Watch. Dog. 
Are you good men and true?  Uerges 
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation body and soul.  Dog. 
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Prince's watch.  Uerges 
Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogbery.  Dogbery 
First, who think you the most desertless man to be Constable?  Watch 
I Hugh Ote-cake sir, or George seacoal, for they can write and read.  Dogbery 
Come hither neighbour seacoal, God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man, is the gift of Fortune, but to write and read, comes by nature.  Watch 2 
Both which master Constable.  Dogbery 
You have: I knew it would be your answer: well, for your favour sir, why give God thanks, and make no boast of it, and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity, you are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the Constable of the watch: therefore bear you the lantern: this is your charge, You shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the Prince's name.  Watch 2 
How if a will not stand?  Dogbery 
Why then take no note of him, but let him go, and presently call the rest of the watch together, and thank god you are rid of a knave.  Verges 
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the Prince's subjects.  Dogbery 
True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince's subjects: you shall also make no noise in the streets: for, for the watch to babble and to talk, is most tolerable, and not to be endured.  Watch 
We will rather sleep than talk, we know what belongs to a watch.  Dogbery 
Why you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only have a care that your bills be not stolen: well, you are to call at all the alehouses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.  Watch 
How if they will not?  Dogbery 
Why then let them alone till they are sober, if they make you not then the better answer, you may say, they are not the men you took them for.  Watch 
Well sir.  Dogbery 
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man: and for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty.  Watch 
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?  Dogbery 
Truly by your office you may, but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company.  Uerges 
You have been always called a merciful man, partner.  Dog. 
Truly I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him.  Verges 
If you hear a child cry in the night you must call to the nurse and bid her still it.  Watch 
How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us.  Dog. 
Why then depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when he bleats.  Verges 
'tis very true.  Dog. 
This is the end of the charge: you constable are to present the princes own person, if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.  Verges. 
Nay birlady that I think a cannot.  Dog. 
Five shillings to one on 't with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him, mary not without the prince be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man against his will.  Uerges 
Birlady I think it be so.  Dog. 
Ha ah ha, well masters good night, and there be any matter of weight chances, call up me, keep your fellows counsels, and your own, and good night, come neighbour.  Watch 
Well masters, we hear our charge, let us go sit here upon the church bench till two, and then all to bed.  Dog. 
One word more, honest neighbours, I pray you watch about signor Leonatoes' door, for the wedding being there to morrow, there is a great coil to night, a diew, be vigitant I beseech you.  exeunt. Enter Borachio and Conrade. Bor. 
What Conrade?  Watch 
Peace, stir not.  Bor. 
Conrad I say.  Con. 
Here man, I am at thy elbow.  Bor. 
Mass and my elbow itched, I thought there would a scab follow.  Con. 
I will owe thee an answer for that, and now forward with thy tale.  Bor. 
Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drissells rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.  Watch 
Some treason masters, yet stand close.  Bor. 
Therefore know, I have earned of Dun john a thousand ducats.  Con. 
Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?  Bor. 
Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy should be so rich? for when rich villains have need of poor ones poor ones may make what price they will.  Con. 
I wonder at it.  Bor. 
That shows thou art unconfirmed, thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.  Con. 
Yes it is apparel.  Bor. 
I mean the fashion.  Con. 
Yes the fashion is the fashion.  Bor. 
Tush, I may as well say the fool's the fool, but seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is?  Watch 
I know that deformed, a has been a vile thief, this seven. year a goes up and down like a gentle man: I remember his name.  Bor. 
Didst thou not hear some body?  Con. 
No, 'twas the vane on the house.  Bor. 
Seest thou not (I say what a deformed thief this fashion is, how giddily a turns about all the Hot-blouds, between fourteen and five and thirty, sometimes fashioning them like Pharao's soldiers in the rechie painting, sometime like god Bells priests in the old church window, sometime like the shaven Hercules in the smircht wormeaten tapestry, where his cod piece seems as massy as his club.  Con. 
All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man, but art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?  Bor. 
Not so neither, but know that I have to night wooed Margaret the Lady Heroes gentlewoman, by the name of Hero, she leans me out at her mistress chamber window, bids me a thousand times good night: I tell this tale vildly I should first tell thee how the prince Claudio and my master planted and placed, and possessed, by my master Don john, saw a far off in the orchard this amiable encounter.  Conr. 
And thought they Margaret was Hero?  Bar. 
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio, but the devil my master knew she was Margaret, and partly by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night which did deceive them, but chiefly, by my villainy, which did confirm any slander that Don john had made, away went Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was appointed next morning at the Temple, and there, before the whole congregation shame her, with what he saw over night, and send her home again without a husband.  Watch 1 
We charge you in the prince name stand.  Watch 2 
Call up the right master Constable, we have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery, that ever was known in the common wealth.  Watch 1 
And one Deformed is one of them, I know him, a wears a lock.  Conr 
Masters, masters.  Watch 2 
You'll be made bring deformed forth I warrant you.  Conr 
Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey you to go with us.  Bor. 
We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills.  Conr. 
A commodity in question I warrant you, come we'll obey you.  exeunt. Enter Hero, and Margaret, and Ursula. Hero 
Good Ursula wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire her to rise.  Ursula 
I will lady.  Hero 
And bid her come hither.  Ursula 
Well.  Marg. 
Troth I think your other rabato were better.  Hero 
No pray thee good Meg, i'll wear this.  Marg. 
By my troths not so good, and I warrant your cousin will say so.  Hero 
My cosin's a fool, and thou art another, i'll wear none but this.  Mar 
I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a thought browner: and your gown's a most rare fashion i'faith, I saw the Duchess of Milan's gown that they praise so.  Hero 
O that exceeds they say.  Marg. 
By my troths but a nightgown it respect of yours, cloth a gold and cuts, and laced with silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, and skirts, round underborne with a bluish unsell, but for a fine quaint graceful and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't.  Hero 
God give me joy to wear it, for my heart is exceeding heavy.  Marg. 
'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.  Hero 
Fie upon thee, art not ashamed?  Marg. 
Of what lady? of speaking honourably? is not marriage honourable in a beggar? is not your Lord honourable without marriage? I think you would have me say, saving your reverence a husband: & bad thinking do not wrest true speaking, i'll offend no body, is there any harm in the heavier, for a husband? none I think, and it be the right husband, and the right wife, otherwise 'tis light and not heavy, ask my lady Beatrice else, here she comes.  Enter Beatrice. Hero 
Good morrow cousin.  Beat. 
Good morrow sweet Hero.  Hero 
Why how now? do you speak in the sick tune?  Beat. 
I am out of all other tune, me thinks.  Mar 
Clap's into Light a love, (that goes without a burden,) do you sing it, and i'll dance it.  Beat. 
Ye Light alone with your heels, then if your husband have stables enough you'll see he shall lack no barns.  Mar. 
O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels.  Beat. 
'tis almost five a clock cousin, 'tis time you were ready, by my troth I am exceeding ill, hay ho.  Mar. 
For a hawk, a horse, or a husband?  Beat. 
For the letter that gins them all, H.  Mar. 
Well, and you be not turned Turk, there's no more sailing by the star.  Beat. 
What means the fool trow?  Mar. 
Nothing I, but God send every one their hearts desire.  Hero 
These gloves the Count sent me, they are an excellent perfume.  Beat. 
I am stuffed cousin, I cannot smell.  Mar. 
A maid and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold.  Beat. 
O God help me, God help me, how long have you professed apprehension?  Mar. 
Ever since you left it, doth not my wit become me rarely?  Beat. 
It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your cap, by my troth I am sick.  Mar. 
Get you some of this distilled carduus benedictus, and lay it to your heart, it is the only thing for a qualm.  Hero 
There thou prickst her with a thissel.  Beat. 
Benedictus, why benedictus? you have some moral in this benedictus.  Mar. 
Moral? no by my troth I have no moral meaning, I meant plain holy thissel, you may think perchance that I think you are in love, nay birlady I am not such a fool to think what I list nor I list not to think what I can, nor indeed I can not think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you will be in love, or that you can be in love: yet Benedick was such another and now is he become a man, he swore he would never marry, and yet now in despite of his heart he eats his meat without grudging, and how you may be converted I know not, but me thinks you look with your eyes as other women do.  Beat. 
What pace is this that thy tongue keeps?  Marg. 
Not a false gallop.  Enter Ursula. Ursula 
Madame withdraw, the prince, the Count, signor Benedick, Don john, and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church.  Hero 
Help to dress me good cousin, good Meg, good Ursula.  Enter Leonato, and the Constable, and the Headborough. Leonato 
What would you with me, honest neighbour?  Const and Dog. 
Mary sir I would have some confidence with you, that decernes you nearly.  Leonato 
Brief I pray you, for you see it is a busy time with me.  Const and Dog. 
Mary this it is sir.  Headb. 
Yes in truth it is sir.  Leonato 
What is it my good friends?  Con and Do. 
Goodman Verges sir speaks a little of the matter, an old man sir, and his wits are not so blunt, as God help I would desire they were, but infaith honest, as the skin between his brows.  Head. 
Yes I thank God, I am as honest as any man living, that is an old man, and no honester than I  Const and Dog. 
Comparisons are odorous, palabras, neighbour Verges.  Leonato 
Neighbours, you are tedious.  Const and Dog. 
It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Duke's officers, but truly for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a King I could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.  Leonato 
Al thy tediousness on me, ah?  Const and Dog. 
Yea, an't 'ttwere a thousand pound more than 'tis, for I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it.  Head. 
And so am I  Leonato 
I would feign know what you have to say.  Head. 
Mary sir our watch to night, excepting your worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Messina.  Const and Dog. 
A good old man sir, he will be talking as they say, when the age is in, the wit is out, God help us, it is a world to see: well said i'faith neighbour Verges, well, God's a good man, and two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind, an honest soul i'faith sir, by my troth he is, as ever broke bread, but God is to be worshipped, all men are not alike, alas good neighbour.  Leonato 
Indeed neighbour he comes too short of you.  Const and Do. 
Gifts that God gives.  Leonato 
I must leave you.  Const and Dog. 
One word sir, our watch sir have indeed comprehended two aspitious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.  Leonato 
Take their examination yourself and bring it me, I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you.  Constable 
It shall be suffigance.  (exit Leonato 
Drink some wine ere you go: far you well.  Messenger 
My lord, they stay for you, to give your daughter to her husband.  Leon. 
I'll wait upon them, I am ready.  Dogb. 
Go good partner, go get you to Francis seacoal, bid him bring his pen and inckehorne to the jail: we are now to examination these men.  Verges 
And we must do it wisely.  Dogbery 
We will spare for no wit I warrant you: here's that shall drive some of them to a noncome, only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication, and meet me at the jail.  Enter Prince, Bastard, Leonato, Friar, Claudio, Benedick, Hero, and Beatrice. Leonato 
Come Friar Francis, be brief, only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards.  Fran. 
You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.  Claudio 
No.  Leo 
To be married to her: Friar, you come to marry her.  Friar 
Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.  Hero 
I do.  Friar 
If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conjoined, I charge you on your souls to utter it.  Claudio 
Know you any, Hero?  Hero 
None my lord.  Friar 
Know you any, Count?  Leonato 
I dare make his answer, None.  Clau. 
O what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do!  Bene. 
How now! interjections? why then, some be of laughing, as, ah, ha, he.  Claudio 
Stand thee by Friar, father, by your leave,  
Will you with free and unconstrained soul  
Give me this maid your daughter?  Leonata 
As freely son as God did give her me.  Claudio 
And what have I to give you back whose worth  
May counterpoise this rich and precious gift?  Prince 
Nothing, unless you render her again.  Claudio 
Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness:  
There Leonato, take her back again,  
Give not this rotten orange to your friend,  
she's but the sign and semblance of her honour:  
Behold how like a maid she blushes here!  
O what authority and show of truth  
Can cunning sin cover itself withal!  
Comes not that blood, as modest evidence,  
To witness simple Virtue? would you not swear  
All you that see her, that she were a maid,  
By these exterior shows? But she is none:  
She knows the heat of a luxurious bed:  
Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.  Leonato 
What do you mean my lord?  Claudio 
Not to be married,  
Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton.  Leonato 
Dear my lord, if you in your own proof,  
Have vanquished the resistance of her youth,  
And made defeat of her virginity.  Claudio 
I know what you would say: if I have known her,  
You will say, she did embrace me as a husband,  
And so extenuate the forehand sin: No Leonato,  
I never tempted her with word too large,  
But as a brother to his sister, showed  
Bashful sincerity, and comely love.  Hero 
And seemed I ever otherwise to you?  Claudio 
Out on thee seeming, I will write against it,  
You seem to me as Diane in her Orb,  
As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown:  
But you are more intemperate in your blood,  
Than Venus, or those pampered animals,  
That rage in savage sensuality.  Hero 
Is my Lord well that he doth speak so wide?  Leonato 
Sweet prince, why speak not you?  Prince 
What should I speak?  
I stand dishonoured that have gone about,  
To link my dear friend to a common stale.  Leonato 
Are these things spoken, or do I but dream?  Bastard 
Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.  Bened. 
This looks not like a nuptial.  Hero 
True, O God  Claud. 
Leonato, stand I here?  
Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother?  
Is this face Heroes? are our eyes our own?  Leonato 
All this is so, but what of this my Lord?  Claud. 
Let me but move one question to your daughter,  
And by that fatherly and kindly power,  
That you have in her, bid her answer truly.  Leonato 
I charge thee do so, as thou art my child.  Hero 
O God defend me how am I beset,  
What kind of catechizing call you this?  Claud. 
To make you answer truly to your name.  Hero 
Is it not Hero, who can blot that name  
With any just reproach?  Claud. 
Mary that can Hero,  
Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue.  
What man was he talked with you yesternight,  
Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?  
Now if you are a maid, answer to this.  Hero 
I talked with no man at that hour my lord,  Prince 
Why then are you no maiden. Leonato,  
I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour,  
Myself, my brother, and this grieved Count  
Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night,  
Talk with a ruffian at her chamber window,  
Who hath indeed most like a liberal villain,  
Confessed the vile encounters they have had  
A thousand times in secret.  john 
Fie, fie, they are not to be named my lord,  
Not to be spoke of,  
There is not chastity enough in language,  
Without offence to utter them: thus pretty lady,  
I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.  Claud. 
O Hero! what a Hero hadst thou been,  
If half thy outward graces had been placed,  
About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart?  
But far thee well, most foul, most fair, farewell  
Thou pure impiety, and impious purity,  
For thee i'll lock up all the gates of love.  
And on my eyelids shall Conjecture hang,  
To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm,  
And never shall it more be gracious.  Leonato 
Hath no man's dagger here a point for me.  Beatrice 
Why how now cousin, wherefore sink you down?  Bastard 
Come let us go: these things come thus to light,  
Smother her spirits up.  Benedick 
How doth the Lady?  Beatrice 
Dead I think, help uncle,  
Hero, why Hero, uncle, signor Benedick, Friar.  Leonato 
O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand,  
Death is the fairest cover for her shame  
That may be wished for.  Beatrice 
How now cousin Hero?  Friar 
Have comfort lady.  Leonato 
Dost thou look up?  Friar 
Yea, wherefore should she not?  Leonato 
Wherefore? why doth not every earthly thing.  
Cry shame upon her? could she here deny  
The story that is printed in her blood?  
Do not live Hero, do not open thine eyes:  
For did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,  
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,  
Myself would on the rearward of reproaches  
Strike at thy life. Grieved I I had but one?  
Chid I for that at frugal Nature's frame?  
O one too much by thee! why had I one?  
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?  
Why had I not with charitable hand,  
took up a beggar's issue at my gates,  
Who smirched thus, and mired with infamy,  
I might have said, no part of it is mine,  
This shame derives itself from unknown loins,  
But mine and mine I loved, and mine I praised,  
And mine that I was proud on mine so much,  
That I myself▪ was to myself not mine:  
valueing of her, why she, O she is fallen,  
Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea  
Hath drops too few to wash her clean again,  
And salt too little, which may season give  
To her foul tainted flesh.  Ben. 
Sir, sir, be patiented, for my part I am so attired in wonder, I know not what to say.  Beat. 
O on my soul my cousin is belied.  Bene. 
Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?  Beat. 
No truly, not although until last night,  
I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.  Leon. 
Confirmed, confirmed, O that is stronger made,  
Which was before bar up with ribs of iron,  
Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie,  
Who loved her so, that speaking of her foulness,  
Washed it with tears! hence from her, let her die.  Friar 
Hear me a little, for I have only been silent so long, & given way unto this course of fortune, by noting of the lady, I have marked,  
A thousand blushing apparitions,  
To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames,  
In angel whiteness beat away those blushes,  
And in her eye there hath appeared a fire,  
To burn the errors that these princes hold  
Against her maiden truth: call me a fool,  
Trust not my reading, nor my observations,  
Which with experimental seal doth warrant  
The tenure of my book: trust not my age,  
My reverence, calling, nor divinity,  
If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here,  
Under some biting error.  Leonato 
Friar, it cannot be,  
Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left,  
Is, that she will not add to her damnation,  
A sin of perjury, she not denies it:  
Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse,  
That which appears in proper nakedness?  Friar 
Lady, what man is he you are accused of?  Hero 
They know that do accuse me, I know none,  
If I know more of any man alive  
Then that which maiden modesty doth warrant,  
Let all my sins lack mercy, O my father,  
Prove you that any man with me conversed,  
At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight  
Maintained the change of words with any creature,  
Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death.  Friar 
There is some strange misprision in the princes.  Bene. 
Two of them have the very bend of honour,  
And if their wisdoms be miss in this,  
The practice of it lives in john the Bastard,  
Whose spirits toil in frame of villainies.  Leonato 
I know not, if they speak but truth of her,  
These hands shall tear her, if they wrong her honour,  
The proudest of them shall well hear of it.  
Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,  
Nor age so eat up my invention,  
Nor Fortune made such havoc of my means,  
Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends,  
But they shall find awaked in such a kind,  
Both strength of limb, and policy of mind,  
Ability in means, and choice of friends,  
To quit me of them thoroughly.  Friar 
Pause awhile,  
And let my counsel sway you in this case,  
Your daughter here the princess (left for dead,)  
Let her awhile be secretly kept in,  
And publish it, that she is dead indeed,  
Maintain a mourning ostentation,  
And on your families old monument,  
Hang mournful epitaphs, and do all rites,  
That appertain unto a burial.  Leon. 
What shall become of this? what will this do?  Friar 
Mary this well carried, shall on her behalf,  
Change slander to remorse, that is some good,  
But not for that dream I on this strange course,  
But on this travail look for greater birth:  
She dying, as it must be so maintained,  
Upon the instant that she was accused,  
Shall be lamented, pitied, and excused  
Of every hearer: for it so falls out,  
That what we have, we prise not to the worth,  
Whiles we enjoy it, but being lacked and lost,  
Why then we rack the value, than we find  
The virtue that possession would not show us  
Whiles it was ours, so will it far with Claudio:  
When he shall hear she died upon his words,  
Th' Idea of her life shall sweetly creep,  
Into his study of imagination,  
And every lovely Organ of her life,  
Shall come apparelld in more precious habit,  
More moving delicate, and full of life,  
Into the eye and prospect of his soul  
Then when she lived indeed: then shall he mourn,  
If ever love had interest in his liver,  
And wish he had not so accused her:  
No, though he thought his accusation true:  
Let this be so, and doubt not but success  
Will fashion the event in better shape,  
Then I can lay it down in likelihood.  
But if all aim but this be levelled false,  
The supposition of the lady's death,  
Will quench the wonder of her infamy.  
And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,  
As best befits her wounded reputation,  
In some reclusive and religious life,  
Out of all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.  Bene. 
signor Leonato, let the Friar advise you,  
And though you know my inwardness and love  
Is very much unto the prince and Claudio,  
Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this,  
As secretly and justly as your soul  
Should with your body.  Leon. 
Being that I flow in grief,  
The smallest twine may lead me.  Friar 
'tis well consented, presently away,  
For to strange sores, strangely they strain the cure,  
Come lady die to live, this wedding day  
Perhaps is but prolonged, have patience and endure.  exit. Bene. 
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?  Beat. 
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.  Bene. 
I will not desire that.  Beat. 
You have no reason, I do it freely.  Bene. 
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged.  Beat. 
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her!  Bene. 
Is there any way to show such friendship?  Beat. 
A very even way, but no such friend.  Bene. 
May a man do it?  Beat. 
It is a man's office, but not yours.  Bene. 
I do love nothing in the world so well as you, is not that strange?  Beat. 
As strange as the thing I know not, it were as possible for me to say, I loved nothing so well as you, but believe me not and yet I lie not, I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing I am sorry for my cousin.  Bened. 
By my sword Beatrice, thou lovest me.  Beat. 
Do not swear and eat it.  Bened. 
I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.  Beat. 
Will you not eat your word?  Bened. 
With no sauce that can be devised to it, I protest I love thee.  Beat. 
Why then God forgive me.  Bened. 
What offence sweet Beatrice?  Beat. 
You have stayed me in a happy hour, I was about to protest I loved you.  Bened. 
And do it with all thy heart.  Beat. 
I love you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest.  Bened. 
Come bid me do any thing for thee.  Beat. 
Kill Claudio.  Bened. 
Ha, not for the wide world.  Beat. 
You kill me to deny it, farewell.  Bened. 
Tarry sweet Beatrice.  Beat. 
I am gone, though I am here, there is no love in you, nay I pray you let me go.  Bened. 
Beatrice.  Beat. 
In faith I will go.  Bened. 
we'll be friends first.  Beat. 
You dare easier be friends with me, than fight with mine enemy.  Bened. 
Is Claudio thine enemy?  Beat. 
Is a not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! what, bear her in hand: until they come to take hands and then with public accusation uncoverd slander, unmittigated rancour? O God that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market place.  Bened. 
Hear me Beatrice.  Beat. 
Talk with a man out at a window, a proper saying.  Bened. 
Nay but Beatrice.  Beat. 
Sweet Hero, she is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone.  Bened. 
Beat?  Beat. 
Princes and Counties! surely a princely testimony, a goodly Count, Count Comfect, a sweet Gallant surely, O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into curtsies, valour into complement, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules, that only tells a lie, and swears it: I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.  Bened. 
Tarry good Beatrice, by this hand I love thee.  Beatrice 
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.  Bened. 
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?  Beatrice 
Yea, as sure as I have a thought, or a soul.  Bened. 
Enough, I am engaged, I will challenge him, I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you: by this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account: as you hear of me, so think of me: go comfort your cousin, I must say she is dead, and so farewell.  Enter the Constables, Borachio, and the Town clerk in gowns. Keeper 
Is our whole dissembly appeared?  Cowley 
O a stool and a cushion for the Sexton.  Sexton 
Which be the malefactors?  Andrew 
Mary that am I, and my partner.  Cowley 
Nay that's certain, we have the exhibition to examine.  Sexton 
But which are the offenders? that are to be examined let them come before master constable.  Kemp 
Yea mary, let them come before me, what is your name, friend?  Bor. 
Borachio.  Ke. 
Pray writ down Borachio. Yours sirrah.  Con. 
I am a gentleman sir, and my name is Conrade.  Ke. 
Writ down master gentleman Conrade: masters, do you serve God?  Both 
Yea sir we hope.  Kem. 
Writ down, that they hope they serve God: and writ God first, for God defend but God should go before such villains: masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly, how answer you for yourselves?  Con. 
Mary sir we say, we are none.  Kemp 
A marvelous witty fellow I assure you, but I will go about with him: come you hither sirrah, a word in your ear sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.  Bor. 
Sir, I say to you, we are none.  Kemp 
Well, stand aside, fore God they are both in a tale: have you writ down, that they are none?  Sexton 
Master constable, you go not the way to examine, you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.  Kemp 
Yea mary, that's the eftest way, let the watch come forth: masters, I charge you in the Prince's name accuse these men.  Watch 1 
This man said sir, that done john the Prince's brother was a villain.  Kemp 
Writ down prince john a villain: why this is flat perjury, to call a Prince's brother villain.  Borachio 
Master Constable.  Kemp 
Pray thee fellow peace, I do not like thy look I promise thee.  Sexton 
What heard you him say else?  Watch 2 
Mary that he had received a thousand ducats of don john, for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.  Kemp 
Flat burglary as ever was committed.  Const. 
Yea by mass that it is.  Sexton 
What else fellow?  Watch 1 
And that Count Claudio did mean upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.  Kemp 
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.  Sexton 
What else?  Watch 
This is all.  Sexton 
And this is more masters than you can deny, prince john is this morning secretly stolen away: Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this sodamlie died: Master Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonatoes', I will go before and show him their examination.  Constable 
Come, let them be opinioned.  Couley 
Let them be in the hands of Coxcomb.  Kemp 
God's my life, where's the Sexton? let him write down the Prince's officer Coxcomb: come, bind them, thou naughty varlet.  Couley 
Away, you are an ass, you are an ass.  Kemp 
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! but masters, remember that I am an ass though it be not written down, yet forget not that i am nasse: No thou villain, thou art full of piety as shall be prou de upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer, and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the Law, go to and a rich fellow enough, go to, and a fellow that hath had losses, and on that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him: bring him away: O that I had been writ down an ass!  exit. Enter Leonato and his brother. Brother 
If you go on thus, you will kill yourself,  
And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief,  
Against yourself.  Leonato 
I pray thee cease thy counsel,  
Which falls into mine ears as profitless,  
As water in a syve: give not me counsel,  
Nor let no comforter delight mine ear,  
But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.  
Bring me a father that so loved his child,  
Whose joy of her is over-whelmd like mine,  
And bid him speak of patience,  
Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine,  
And let it answer every strain for strain,  
As thus for thus, and such a grief for such,  
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:  
If such a one will smile and struck his beard,  
And sorrow, wag, cry 'em, when he should groan,  
Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk,  
With candle-wasters: bring him yet to me,  
And I of him will gather patience:  
But there is no such man, for brother, men  
Can counsel, and speak comfort to that grief,  
Which they themselves not feel, but tasting it,  
Their counsel turns to passion, which before,  
Would give preceptiall medicine to rage,  
Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,  
Charm ache with air, and agony with words,  
No, no, 'tis all men's office, to speak patience  
To those that wring under the load of sorrow  
But no man's virtue nor sufficiency  
To be so moral, when he shall endure  
The like himself: therefore give me no counsel,  
My griefs cry louder than advertisement  Brother 
Therein do men from children nothing differ.  Leonato 
I pray thee peace, I will be flesh and blood,  
For there was never yet Philosopher,  
That could endure the toothache patiently,  
How ever they have writ the style of gods,  
And made a push at chance and sufferance.  Brother 
Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself,  
Make those that do offend you, suffer too.  Leonato 
There thou speak'st reason, nay I will do so,  
My soul doth tell me, Hero is belied,  
And that shall Claudio know, so shall the prince,  
And all of them that thus dishonour her.  Enter Prince and Claudio. Brother 
Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.  Prince 
Good den, good den.  Claudio 
Good day to both of you.  Leonato 
Hear you my Lords?  Prince 
We have some haste Leonato.  Leonato 
Some haste my lord! well, far you well my lord,  
Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.  Prince 
Nay do not quarrel with us, good old man.  Brother 
If he could right himself with quarreling,  
Some of us would lie low.  Claudio 
Who wrongs him?  Leona. 
Mary thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou:  
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword,  
I fear thee not.  Claudio 
Mary beshrew my hand,  
If it should give your age such cause of fear,  
Infaith my hand meant nothing to my sword.  Leonato 
Tush, tush man, never fleer and jest at me,  
I speak not like a dotard, nor a fool,  
As under privilege of age to brag,  
What I have done being young, or what would do,  
Were I not old, know Claudio to thy head,  
Thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me,  
That I am forced to lay my reverence by,  
And with grey hairs and bruise of many days,  
Do challenge thee to trial of a man,  
I say thou hast belied mine innocent child.  
Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,  
And she lies buried with her ancestors:  
O in a tomb where never scandal slept,  
Save this of hers, framed by thy villainy.  Claudio 
My villainy?  Leonato 
Thine Claudio, thine I say.  Prince 
You say not right old man.  Leonato 
My Lord, my Lord,  
I'll prove it on his body if he dare,  
Despite his nice fence, and his active practice,  
His May of youth, and bloom of lustihood.  Claudio 
A way, I will not have to do with you.  Leonato 
Canst thou so daffe me? thou hast killed my child,  
If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.  Brother 
He shall kill two of us, and men indeed,  
But that's no matter, let him kill one first:  
Win me and wear me, let him answer me,  
Come follow me boy, come sir boy, come follow me  
Sir boy, i'll whip you from your foining fence,  
Nay, as I am a gentleman I, will.  Leonato 
Brother.  Brother 
Content yourself, God knows, I loved my niece,  
And she is dead, slandered to death by villains,  
That dare as well answer a man indeed,  
As I dare take a serpent by the tongue,  
Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops.  Leonato 
Brother Anthony.  Brother 
Hold you content, what man! I know them, yea  
And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,  
Scambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys,  
That he, and cog, and flout, deprave, and slander,  
Go antiquely, and show outward hideousness,  
And speak of half a dozen dangerous words,  
How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst,  
And this is all.  Leonato 
But brother Anthony.  Brother 
Come 'tis no matter,  
Do not you meddle, let me deal in this.  Prince 
Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience,  
My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:  
But on my honour she was charged with nothing  
But what was true, and very full of proof.  Leonato 
My Lord, my Lord.  Prince 
I will not hear you.  Leo. 
No come brother, away, I will be heard.  Exeunt amb. Bro. 
And shall, or some of us will smart for it.  Enter Ben. Prince 
See see, here comes the man we went to seek.  Claud. 
Now signor, what news?  Bened. 
Good day my Lord:  Prince 
Welcome signor, you are almost come to part almost a fray.  Claud. 
We had liked to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.  Prince 
Leonato and his brother what thinkest thou? had we sought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.  Bened. 
In a false quarrel there is no true valour, I came to seek you both.  Claud. 
We have been up and down to seek thee, for we are high proof melancholy, and would feign have it beaten away, wilt thou use thy wit?  Bened. 
It is in my scabbard, shall I draw it?  Prince 
Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?  Claud. 
Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit, I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels, draw to pleasure us.  Prince 
As I am an honest man he looks pale, art thou sick, or angry?  Claud. 
What, courage man: what though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.  Bened. 
Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you charge it against me, I pray you choose another subject  Claud. 
Nay then give him another staff, this last was broke cross.  Prince 
By this light, he changes more and more, I think he be angry indeed.  Claud 
If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.  Bened. 
Shall I speak a word in your ear?  Claud. 
God bless me from a challenge.  Bened. 
You are a villain, I jest not, I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare: do me right, or I will protest your cowardice: you have killed a sweeete Lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you, let me hear from you.  Claud. 
Well I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.  Prince 
What, a feast, a feast?  Claud. 
I faith I thank him he hath bid me to a calves head & a capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my kniffes nought, shall I not find a woodcock too?  Bened. 
Sir your wit ambles well, it goes easily.  Prince 
I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day: I said thou hadst a fine wit, true said she, a fine little one: no said I, a great wit: right says she, a great gross one: nay said I, a good wit, just said she, it hurts no body: nay said I, the gentleman is wise: certain said she, a wise gentleman: nay said I, he hath the tongues: that I believe said she, for he swore a thing to me on monday night, which he forswore on tuesday morning, there's a double tongue theirs two tongues, thus did she an hour together transshape thy particular virtues, yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the proper'st man in Italy.  Claud. 
For the which she wept hearty and said she cared not.  Prince 
Yea that she did, but yet for all that, and if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly, the old man's daughter told us all.  Claud. 
All all, and moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.  Prince 
But when shall we set the savage bulls horns one the sensible Benedicks head?  Clau. 
Yea and text underneath, here dwells Benedick the married man.  Bened. 
Far you well, boy, you know my mind, I will leave you now to your gosseplike humour, you break jests as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked hurt not: my Lord, for your many courtesies I thank you, I must discontinue your company, your brother the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among you, killed a sweet and innocent lady: for my Lord Lack-beard, there he and I shall meet, and till than peace be with him.  Prince 
He is in earnest.  Claudio 
In most profound earnest, and i'll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.  Prince 
And hath challenged thee.  Claudio 
Most sincerely.  Prince 
What a pretty thing man is, when he goes in his doublet and hose, and leaves off his wit!  Enter Constable's, Conrad, and Borachio. Claudio 
He is then a Giant to an Ape, but then is an Ape a Doctor to such a man.  Prince 
But soft you, let me be, pluck up my heart, and be sad, did he not say my brother was fled?  Const. 
Come you sir, if justice cannot tame you, she shall near weigh more reasons in her balance, nay, and you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.  Prince 
How now, two of my brother's men bound? Borachio one.  Claudio 
Hearken after their offence my Lord.  Prince 
Officers, what offence have these men done?  Const. 
Mary sir, they have committed false report, moreover they have spoken untruths, secondarily they are slanders, sixth and lastly, they have belied a Lady, thirdly they have verified unjust things, and to conclude, they are lying knaves.  Prince. 
First I ask thee what they have done, thirdly I ask thee what's their offence, sixth and lastly why they are committed, and to conclude, what you lay to their charge.  Claud. 
Rightly reasoned, and in his own division, and by my troth there's one meaning well suited.  Prince 
Who have you offended masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned Constable is too cunning to be understood, what's your offence?  Bor. 
Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this Count kill me: I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light, who in the night o●erheard me confessing to this man, how Don john your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the orchard, and saw me court Margaret in Heroes garments, how you disgraced her when you should marry her: my villainy they have upon record, which I had rather seal with my death, then repeat over to my shame: the lady is dead upon mine and my masters false accusation: and briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.  Prince 
Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?  Claud. 
I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it.  Prince 
But did my brother set thee on to this?  Bor. 
Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.  Prince 
He is composed and framed of treachery,  
And fled he is upon this villainy.  Clau. 
Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear  
In the rare semblance that I loved it first.  Const. 
Come, bring away the plaintiffs, by this time our sexton hath reform signor Leonato of the matter: and masters, do not forget to specify when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.  Con. 2 
Here, here comes master signor Leonato, and the sexton too.  Enter Leonato, his brother, and the Sexton. Leonato 
Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,  
That when I note another man like him,  
I may avoid him: which of these is he?  Bor. 
If you would know your wronger, look on me.  Leonato 
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast killed  
Mine innocent child?  Bor. 
Yea, even I alone.  Leo. 
No, not so villain, thou beliest thyself,  
Here stand a pair of honourable men,  
A third is fled that had a hand in it:  
I thank you Princes for my daughter's death,  
Record it with your high and worthy deeds,  
'twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.  Clau. 
I know not how to pray your patience,  
Yet I must speak, choose your revenge yourself,  
Impose me to what penance your invention  
Can lay upon my sin, yet sinned I not,  
But in mistaking.  Prince 
By my soul nor I,  
And yet to satisfy this good old man,  
I would bend under any heavy weight,  
That he'll enjoin me to.  Leonato 
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live,  
That were impossible, but I pray you both,  
Possess the people in Messina here,  
How innocent she died, and if your love  
Can labour aught in sad invention,  
Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,  
And sing it to her bones, sing it to night:  
To morrow morning come you to my house,  
And since you could not be my son in law,  
Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,  
Almost the copy of my child that's dead,  
And she alone is heir to both of us,  
Give her the right you should have given her cousin,  
And so dies my revenge.  Claudio 
O noble sir!  
Your over kindness doth wring tears from me,  
I do embrace your offer and dispose,  
For henceforth of poor Claudio.  Leonato 
To morrow than I will expect your coming,  
To night I take my leave, this naughty man  
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,  
Who I believe was packed in all this wrong,  
Hired to it by your brother.  Bor. 
No by my soul she was not,  
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,  
But always hath been just and virtuous,  
In any thing that I do know by her.  Const. 
Moreover sir, which indeed is not under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass, I beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment, and also the watch heard them talk of one Deformed, they say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borows money in God's name, the which he hath used so long, & never paid, that now men grow hard hearted and will lend nothing for God's sake: pray you examine him upon that point.  Leonato 
I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.  Const. 
Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverent youth, and I praise God for you.  Leon. 
There's for thy pains.  Const. 
God save the foundation.  Leon. 
Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.  Const. 
I leave an arrant knave with your worship, which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others: God keep your worship, I wish your worship well, God restore you to health, I humbly give you leave to departed and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it: come neighbour.  Leon. 
Until to morrow morning, Lords, farewell.  Brot. 
Farewell my lords, we look for you to morrow.  Prince 
We will not fail.  Claud. 
To night i'll mourn with Hero.  Leonato 
Bring you these fellows on, we'll talk with Margaret, how her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.  exeunt Enter Benedick and Margaret. Bened. 
Pray thee sweet mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.  Mar. 
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?  Bene. 
In so high a style Margaret, that no man living shall come over it, for in most comely truth thou deservest it.  Mar. 
To have no man come over me, why shall I always keep below stairs.  Bene. 
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhounds mouth, it catches.  Mar. 
And yours, as blunt as the Fencer's foils, which hit, but hurt not.  Bene. 
A most manly wit Margaret, it will not hurt a woman: and so I pray thee call Beatrice, I give thee the bucklers.  Marg. 
Give us the sword, we have bucklers of our own.  Bene. 
If you use them Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice, and they are dangerous weapons for maids.  Mar. 
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.  Exit Margarite. Bene. 
And therefore will come. The God of love that sits above, and knows me, and knows me, how pitiful I deserve. I mean in singing, but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the first imploier of panders, and a whole book full of these quondam carpet-mongers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love: mary I cannot show it in rhyme, I have tried, I can find out no rhyme to Lady but baby, an innocent rhyme: for scorn, horn, a hard rhyme: for school fool, a babbling rhyme: very ominous end, no, I was not borne under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms: sweet Beatrice wouldst thou come when I called thee?  Enter Beatrice. Beat. 
Yea signor, and departed when you bid me.  Bene. 
O stay but till then.  Beat. 
Then, is spoken: far you well now, and yet ere I go, let me go with that I came, which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.  Bene. 
Only foul words, and thereupon I will kiss thee.  Beat. 
Fowl words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is wholesome, therefore I will departed unkist.  Bene. 
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit, but I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward, and I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?  Beat. 
For them all together, which maintained so politic a state of evil, that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them: but for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?  Bene. 
Suffer love! a good epithet, I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.  Beat. 
In spite of your heart I think, alas poor heart, if you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never love that which my friend hates.  Bene. 
Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.  Beat. 
It appears not in this confession, there's not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.  Bene. 
An old, an old instance Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbours, if a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument, than the bell rings, and the widow weeps.  Beat. 
And how long is that think you?  Bene. 
Question, why an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum, therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don worm (his conscience) find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself so much for praising myself, who I myself will bear witness is praise worthy, and now tell me, how doth your cousin?  Beat. 
Very ill.  Bene. 
And how do you?  Beat. 
Very ill too.  Bene. 
Serve God, love me, and mend, there will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.  Enter Ursula. Ursula 
Madam, you must come to your uncle, yonder's old coil at home, it is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the Prince and Claudio mightily abused, and Don john is the author of all, who is fled and gone: will you come presently?  Beat. 
Will you go hear this news signor?  Bene. 
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes: and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncles.  exit. Enter Claudio, Prince, and three or four with tapers. Claudio 
Is this the monument of Leonato?  Lord 
It is my Lord.  Epitaph. 
Done to death by slauderous tongues,  
Was the Hero that here lies:  
Death in guerdon of her wrongs,  
Gives her fame which never dies:  
So the life that died with shame,  
lives in death with glorious fame.  
Hang thou there upon the tomb,  
Praising her when I am dead.  Claudio 
Now music sound & sing your solemn hymn.  

Song  
Pardon goddess of the night,  
Those that slew thy virgin knight,  
For the which with songs of woe,  
Round about her tomb they go:  
Midnight assist our moan, help us to sigh & groan.  
Heavily heavily.  
graves yawn and yield your dead,  
Till death be uttered,  
Heavily heavily.   Lo. 
Now unto thy bones good night, yearly will I do this right.  Prince 
Good morrow masters, put your torches out,  
The wolves have preied, and look, the gentle day  
Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about  
Dapples the drowsy East with spots of grey:  
Thanks to you all, and leave us, far you well.  Claudio 
Good morrow masters, each his several way.  Prince 
Come let us hence, and put on other weeds,  
And then to Leonatoes' we will go.  Claudio 
And Hymen now with luckier issue speeds,  
Then this for whom we rendered up this woe.  exeunt. Enter Leonato, Benedick, Margaret Ursula, old man, Friar, Hero. Friar 
Did I not tell you she was innocent?  Leo. 
So are the Prince and Claudio who accused her,  
Upon the error that you heard debated:  
But Margaret was in some fault for this,  
Although against her will as it appears,  
In the true course of all the question.  Old 
Well, I am glad that all things sorts so well.  Bened. 
And so am I, being else by faith enforced  
To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.  Leo. 
Well daughter, and you gentlewomen all,  
Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,  
And when I send for you come hither masked:  
The Prince and Claudio promised by this hour  
To visit me, you know your office brother,  
You must be father to your brother's daughter,  
And give her to young Claudio.  Exeunt Ladies. Old 
Which I will do with confirmed countenance.  Bened. 
Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.  Friar 
To do what signor?  Bened. 
To bind me, or undo me, one of them:  
signor Leonato, truth it is good signor,  
Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.  Leo. 
That eye my daughter lent her, 'tis most true.  Bened. 
And I do with an eye of love requite her.  Leo. 
The sight whereof I think you had from me,  
From Claudio and the Prince, but what's your will?  Bened. 
Your answer sir is enigmatical,  
But for my will, my will is, your good will  
May stand with ours, this day to be conjoined,  
In the state of honourable marriage,  
In which (good Friar) I shall desire your help.  Leo. 
My heart is with your liking.  Friar 
And my help.  
Hear comes the Prince and Claudio.  Enter Prince, and Claudio, and two or three other. Prince 
Good morrow to this fair assembly.  Leo. 
Good morrow Prince, good morrow Claudio:  
We here attend you, are you yet determined,  
To day to marry with my brother's daughter?  Claud. 
I'll hold my mind were she an Ethiope.  Leo 
Call her forth brother, here's the Friar ready.  P. 
Good morrow Bened, why what's the matter?  
That you have such a February face,  
So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness.  Claud. 
I think he thinks upon the savage bull:  
Tush fear not man we'll tip thy horns with gold,  
And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,  
As once Europa did at lusty jove,  
When he would play the noble beast in love.  Bene. 
Bull jove sir had an amiable low,  
And some such strange bull leapt your father's cow,  
And got a calf in that same noble feat,  
Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.  Enter brother, Hero, Beatrice, Margaret, Ursula. Clau. 
For this I own you: here comes other reckonings.  
Which is the Lady I must seize upon?  Leo. 
This same is she, and I do give you her.  Claud. 
Why then she's mine, sweet, let me see your face.  Leon. 
No that you shall not till you take her hand,  
Before this Friar, and swear to marry her.  Claud. 
Give me your hand before this holy Friar,  
I am your husband if you like of me.  Hero 
And when I lived I was your other wife,  
And when you loved, you were my other husband.  Claud. 
Another Hero.  Hero 
Nothing certainer.  
One Hero died defiled, but I do live,  
And surely as I live, I am a maid.  Prince 
The former Hero, Hero that is dead.  Leon. 
She died my Lord, but whiles her slander lived.  Friar 
All this amazement can I qualify,  
When after that the holy rites are ended,  
I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death,  
Mean time let wonder seem familiar,  
And to the chapel let us presently.  Ben. 
Soft and fair Friar, which is Beatrice?  Beat. 
I answer to that name, what is your will?  Bene. 
Do not you love me?  Beat. 
Why no, no more than reason.  Bene. 
Why then your uncle, and the prince, and Claudio,  
Have been deceived, they swore you did.  Beat. 
Do not you love me?  Bene. 
Troth no, no more than reason.  Beat. 
Why then my cousin Margaret and Ursula  
Are much deceived, for they did swear you did.  Bene. 
They swore that you were almost sick for me.  Beat. 
They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.  Bene. 
'tis no such matter, than you do not love me.  Beat. 
No truly, but in friendly recompense.  Leon. 
Come cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.  Clau. 
And i'll besworne upon't, that he loves her,  
For here's a paper written in his hand,  
A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,  
Fashioned to Beatrice.  Hero 
And here's another,  
Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket,  
Containing her affection unto Benedick.  Bene. 
A miracle, here's our own hands against our hearts: come, I will have thee, but by this light I take thee for pity.  Beat. 
I would not deny you, but by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told, you were in a consumption.  Leon. 
Peace I will stop your mouth.  Prince 
How dost thou Benedick the married man?  Bene. 
I'll tell thee what prince: a college of witte-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour, dost thou think I care for a Satire or an Epigram? no, if a man will be beaten with brains, a shall wear nothing handsome about him: in brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it, and therefore never flout at me, for what I have said against it: for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion: for thy part Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my kinsman, live unbruisde, and love my cousin.  Clau. 
I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I might have cudgelld thee out of thy single life, to make thee a double dealer, which out of question thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look exceeding narrowly to thee.  Bene. 
Come, come, we are friends, let's have a dance ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts, and our wives heels.  Leon. 
we'll have dancing afterward.  Bene. 
First, of my word, therefore play music, Prince, thou art sad, get thee a wife, get thee a wife, there is no staff more reverent than one tipped with horn.  Enter Messenger. Mess. 
My Lord, your brother john is ta'en in flight,  
And brought with armed men back to Messina.  Bene. 
Think not on him till to morrow, i'll devise thee brave punishments for him: strike up Pipers.  dance. 
FINIS.