THE FLEIRE.  
As it hath been often played in the Blackfriars by the Children of the Revels.  
Written by Edward Sharpham of the Middle Temple, Gentleman.  
AT LONDON, Printed and are to be sold by F. B. in Paul's-Churchyard, at the sign of the Flower de Luce and the Crown. 1607.   

TO THE READER and Hearer.  
Friendly perusers, or perusing friends, that have been overbold with some of us, give me leave to be a little bold with you: I have printed a Book here to make you laugh and lie down too, if you please: I know it comes not like a mousetrap to inveigle your good opinions, nor like news of great Armies, very strange and undreamt of, but like forfeits to a Usurer long looked for. If you find any errors by me committed correct them or neglect them. The Author is invisible to me (viz i'th' Country) but whereabouts I cannot learn; yet I fear he will see me too soon, for I had of him before his departure an Epistle or Apological preamble (this being his first Minerva) directed unto you, which should have been in this Page divulged, and (not to jest with you because this book plays that part sufficiently) I have lost it, remembering none of the Contents. And therefore (kind Readers) I do presume thus to salute you; use these Comical discourses favourably and you shall have some from the Author hereafter more worthy your favours and affections: through a narrow window you may view a broad Field; so in this modicum you may conceive his great desire to delight you, But howsoever, I know this volume will be sweet in the palates of your minds, though your mouths may find it bitter in digestion, and so I commit your eyes to the next Page.   

The Fleire.  

Act. 1.  Enter signor Antifront, with a Lord. Lord. 
Dear Lord, I know it well becomes not me to counsel him that best can counsel me: yet if it please you but to lend your ears, & hear my love if not my counsel.  Sig. 
No more, I know thy love tends to the stopping of my longing and my resolution: thou know'st that I no longer now am signor: Florence hath got another governor, and one step back in state of Majesty, is a greater fall than to a meaner man that loseth all: Besides, thou know'st our Daughters they are fled, the true inheritors of Florence right, and mighty Piso now usurps our regal seat: puissant in power and mighty in his wrong, hath mounted Falcon-like into the sky of state, seized on our feebleness, and beat our weakness down. And therefore now I am resolved to find my two lost Children out, or like as Phaeton in pride did ride, so I in grief will pace the world about.  Lor. 
Unto your celsitude I wish, till their effects your hopes may never fail.  Exit. Sig. 
Farewell, some strange disguise I needs must take both for my stealth away, as for my passage on the way: and yet my fortunes fall, disguisement is to great if pleased the heavens, but their wills still are laws, all is but justice & our sins the cause: cuor forterompe cativa sort.  Exit. Enter Florida, and Felecia, Daughters to signor Antifront, Madam Fromaga their waiting Gentlewoman, and two or three servingmen. Flo. 
With draw, leave us, we would be private:  
Sister what think you of this trade of ours?  Exeunt all but the two Sisters Fel. 
'tis base to be a whore.  Flo. 
'tis base to abuse great place, or baseness to deceive great trust.  Fel. 
And is't not baseness to abuse great birth?  Flo. 
Yes if great birth abused not us: if Piso had not proved the thief and robbed us of our right, t' had been worse than theft in us to rob ourselves of honour: you'll say we are forbid to live by sin, and yet we are commanded seek to live: the letter law express forbids to kill, and yet the sense permits it rather than be killed: & since of two extremities the least is to be chosen, you know we have no other means to live, but had we, yet we are fair by nature, scorning Art, and was not beauty made to be enjoyed? do we not exclaim on those who have abundant store of Coin, and yet for want suffer the needy perish at their door? so might all do on us, having so much beauty, if we should suffer men for love of us to die; shall we in whom beauty keeps her court be curbed and tide to one man's benevolence? no, no, not I: rather then in virtue to live poor, in sin I'll die.  Fele. 
Your resolutions hath confirmed my doubts, and since 'tis hateful to live poor, to maintain our state I am content: but these observances let us keep, strangely 'mongst strangers let us hold our state, and let our Servants seldom know, how familiar with our friends we be, and though England's wealth do now adorn us; let's keep the fashion still of Florence.  
Content, let's in, who's near? attend us, ho!  Enter Fromaga, and ladies Exeunt. To her enter a Gentleman. Gent. 
This is the street, and as I remember this is the door.  
I'll ask this ancient Gentlewoman: health and beauty dwell with you Lady.  Fro. 
I thank you sir, 'a has a courtly phrase i'faith.  Gent. 
do the Florentine Ladies dwell here?  Fro. 
Yes forsooth sir, I am a poor Gentlewoman that follows 'am.  Gent. 
I am sent to 'am by a Knight, who promised me he had procured me the place of a Gentleman Usher to them.  Fro. 
Sir john Have-little I think.  Gent. 
Yes indeed the same.  Fro. 
By my troth he's an honest Knight, 'a has no fault but that he's poor, and that's a small fault now adays: but let me see sir I pray, were you never a Gentleman Usher before?  Gent. 
No truly never yet.  Fro. 
Then you must be instructed sir.  Gent. 
I shall be glad to learn.  Fro. 
I hope you and I shall be more inward sir, and for your instruction I shall be glad to lay open any secrets that I have; therefore first you must observe: ha' you any Tables?  Gent. 
Yes, sure I never go without Tables.  Fro. 
Pluck out your pin and write down as I shall utter: to be always ready, standing bare, to be employed, when, where, and howsoever your Ladies please. You must never be without money of your own, to lay out when your Ladies bid you, as eighteen pence to the Porter, half a Crown to the Coachman, or twelve pence for a torch if their Ladyships come home late at night. If you be sent by your Lady to another Lady, to know what rest she took i'th' night, you shall deliver your answer just as it came from the Lady: you must always be in a clean band, and clean cuffs, how foul soe'er your shirt be.  Gent. 
I will observe all this.  Fro. 
You may by virtue of your office were a periwig, provided, it be just of the colour of your beard: let me see, you have a hatched sword of your own there, have ye not?  Gent, 
Yes for sooth, I bought it for his ladyship's service.  Fro. 
'twas well done, you may wear it by your office, what, is your Cloak lined through?  Gent. 
No, but 'tis of a good depth in.  Fro. 
'tis well done too, your lady's love to have it  
Lined a good depth in, 'tis for their credit.  
What, are these silver hangers of your own?  Gent. 
No, I borrowed these, but I have a pair of mine own.  Fro. 
They are in trouble, are they?  Gent. 
No truly they are at mending.  Fro. 
Nay though they be, 'tis no shame, you have been long out of service perchance.  Gen. 
Some three months.  Fro. 
by’r lady 'tis a long time, but can you endure to walk some half a day in the Hall or the great Chamber, while some great Lord is busy with your Lady in an inner room? you may sleep an hour or two as your Citizens wives do at a Sermon to pass away the time, but you must have a care to wake at the rushing of a Satin gown, or the creaking of a door, that if your Lady come, you may be presently up and bare.  Gent. 
Yes sure, I could do it well.  Enter Florida. Fro. 
You must stand stiff up, and hold up your head, 'tis the chiefest thing belongs to your place, look here comes the elder Lady: Madam here's the Gentleman that Sir john Have-little commended to your ladyship for a Gentleman Usher.  Fl. 
Let him draw near us.  Gent. 
The Knight commends his dear affection, and by me makes tender of his humble service to your Ladyship.  Fr. 
Kiss your hand and go forward upon her.  Delivers a Letter. Flo. 
We accept it, have read it, you are beholding to the knight, and he hath spared no pains to make your worthy parts well known to us: draw near us, hence forth we accept you as our own, and so we bid you welcome: are you a Gentleman?  Gent. 
Yes sure Madam, for I was both borne & begotten in an inns Court.  Fro. 
Sure Madam then he's a Gentleman, for he that's but admitted to the house is a Gent. much more he that's begotten in the house.  Flo. 
You are the more welcome, and our bounty shall deserve your industry.  Exit. Flo. Gent. 
Is the Lady a Princess that she speaks us and we so much?  Fr. 
No, she says so meaning herself and her Sister, for they are both one, and such things as they have, they use in common, and must stand bare before them both: look here comes the other Lady.  Enter Felecia. 
Madam here's the Gentleman that Sir john Have-little commended to your Ladyship for a Gentleman Usher.  Fe. 
We like him & he's welcome, what good parts have you? have you the tongues?  Gent. 
Not very well Madam.  Fr. 
Yes Madam, 'a has the Scottish tongue very perfectly, & 'a has some skill in the Irish tongue too.  Fe: 
That's a wild speech.  Fr. 
Nay i'll warrant your Ladyship he'll not run away, has traveled Madam too 'a says, for 'a has been in Wales.  Fe. 
Has 'a no skill in the French tongue?  Gent. 
Some little skill Madam.  Fr. 
No sure Madam, I think your Ladyship hath more knowledge of the French then he.  Fe. 
Well, we will at more leisure survey your good parts, and make thereof the best for our own use.  Exit. Gent, 
I pray what wages do these Ladies give?  Fr. 
Faith your wages will be much about the nature of your office, very bare standing wages: I think some forty shillings a year.  Gent 
Why, how mean they I shall live in their service?  Fr. 
Why, by their countenance: I ha' known a Lord hath given his fool nothing but his countenance to live by, and I can tell you, t'as proved a good Court-maintenance too.  Gent. 
Countenance? I hope I have a countenance good enough of mine own, I need not serve for one.  Fr. 
In troth and so 'a has for a Gentleman-usher, I must needs say a very harmless silly countenance.  Gent. 
Yet faith I mean to try their bounty.  Fr. 
Come will you walk in sir? I'll follow you.  Gent. 
Very willingly.  Fr. 
This is brave i'faith, 'a shall go bare before me too, 'a will serve us all three when we are abroad.  Exeunt. Enter Mistress Susan, and Nan, sisters: Su. 
Come sister, come, we were not borne to stand, 'tis against the nature of our sex's kind: come, sit, and tell me, how many suitors you have, and which you most do love? and I will tell you all mine, and which I most respect.  Nan. 
Faith I have a dozen at the least, and their deserts are all so good, I know not which I should love most: and one last day did court me thus: O had my tongue the influence to lead thy fair thoughts as thy fair looks do mine: then shouldst thou be his prisoner who is thine. I seeing my poor Gentleman likely to be drowned in the depth of Hellespont, delivered him this verse to catch hold of: O be not fair, and so unkind: misshapen stuff, is of behaviour boisterous and rough.  Sus. 
But come, what was 'a for a man?  Nan. 
What was 'a for a man? Why, 'a was a man for a woman, what should 'a be? and i'faith he was a neat lad too, for his beard was newly cut bare; marry it showed something like a Meadow newly mowed: stubble, stubble.  Su. 
Well I have a suitor too, if he had as much wit as living, it may be I should find in my heart to love him.  Nan. 
What, is't Sir john Have-little that gallant Knight that Courts delicate Ladies? spare not the sweat of my body, man was made to labour, use my creation, women to bear, i'll use yours: Birds to fly, Fish to swim, &c. And then swears by my conscience Lady, I esteem you as I do money, which buys every thing, and that's but like a Punk, for every man has to do with it.  Su. 
No Sister no, 'tis not he, for I think his wit cannot call his wealth Master, nor his wealth his wit, and yet they are both Servants to a fool.  Nan. 
Faith who is't Sister, is't a proper man? hath he a good face?  Su: 
'tis the person and conditions I respect, and not face, for every Boy has a good face, and it's not worth a hair. No Sister no, my love is more worthier than words can utter: I cannot sympathize his rare perfections with any earthy substance: this Globe of dirt produceth nothing worthy of his comparison, so soul's perfection so refines his body, as you would think an Angel were his sire: his discourse, behaviour, and humanity, attracts to him my soul's felicity.  Nan. 
Pray heaven it be not mine: nay come who is your love? tell me?  Su: 
Nay who is yours? speak first.  Nan. 
Yet again!  Su: 
If it be mine, my heart will break: mine is Master  Nan: 
Who, who, who?  Su: 
Ruffell.  Nan: 
Pray God 't be true.  Su: 
In troth 'tis he.  Nan: 
And mine is Master Spark, and look here they come.  Enter Spark, Ruffell, Piso, Knight, and Petoune. Spar. 
Faith Ladies, youth and beauty always be your handmaids.  Ruff: 
Best fortunes your attendants.  Piso. 
Good clothes your companions.  Ruff: 
we all of us your servants.  Pet. 
And let Tobacco be your perfumes.  Nan, 
Lord Gentlemen how your wits Caper! methinks 'twould become you well at first entrance, your discretions came in with a sober measure.  Sp. 
Ladies we are come to make a Gentleman of your acquaintance here.  Nan. 
His name good Master Spark? he's very welcome.  Spar, 
His name is Sig. Petoune a traveler and a great tobacconist.  Pet: 
Faith Ladies I take it now and then fasting for the purification of my wit.  Sus: 
Purification? why has your wit lain in childbed sir?  Ruff: 
Yes indeed Lady, brought to bed of a Mooncalf.  Pet: 
Faith Ladies if you used but mornings when ye rise, the divine smoke of this Celestial herb, it will more purify, cleanse and mundify your complexions, by ten parts then your dissolved Mercury, your juice of Lemons, your distilled snails, your gourd waters, your oil of tartar, or a thousand such toys.  Spa. 
Sure Ladies I must needs say th' instinct of this herb hath wrought in this Gentleman such a divine influence of good words, excellent discourse, admirable invention, incomparable wit: why I tell ye, when he talks, wisdom stands a mile off and dares not come near him, for fear 'a should shame her: but before a did use this Tobacco, 'a was the arrantst Woodcock that ever I saw.  Pet: 
Indeed I was a very silly fellow.  Ruff. 
Nay you were an arrant ass.  Pet. 
Sure I was a fool.  Knight 
Nay, you were a most monstrous puppy.  Pet: 
Indeed I was an Idiot, a very Idiot.  Piso. 
By this light thou wert a most egregious coxcomb.  Pet. 
Indeed I was, indeed I was.  Sp. 
But since, it hath embellished his good parts, perfected his ill parts, and made his secret actions correspondent to his outward wisdom, as you may well perceive.  Pet. 
Faith Lady these Gentlewomen have not long used my company, yet you see how Tobacco hath already refined their spirits.  Piso. 
Petoune I wonder Tobacco hath not purified the complexion of thy nose?  Pet. 
Why, what ails my nose?  Piso. 
Nay, be not angry, I do not touch thy nose, to th'end 'a should take any thing in snuff.  Pet. 
Why d'ye play so about my nose?  Kni. 
'tis a good turn he's no Fly signeur: if 'a were, 'a would burn his wings.  Nan: 
O signeur, these Gentlewomen have not long used your company, yet you see how Tobacco hath already refined their spirits.  Pet 
Faith Lady, would you bestow but one favour of me.  Nan. 
Truly signeur if you should have as much favour as you have complexion, you would be highly favoured.  Pet. 
Dear Lady, now by this day I love you.  Nan. 
Cheap signeur, now by the light of this day, I cannot love you.  Sp. 
Now Lady, what drugs of wit has this Apothecary of Tobacco sold you?  Nan. 
Faith a sold me none sir, only a gave me a taste of his good meaning.  Pet. 
Faith Lady I must inquire your name.  Sus: 
I pray do sir, yond Gentlewoman knows it.  Pet. 
O, I know tit well enough.  Svs. 
Why do you inquire it then?  Pet. 
Come, come, Lady can you love?  Sus. 
I.  Pet. 
And can you love me?  Sus: 
No.  Pet. 
Every fool can say, ay, and no,  Sus: 
And I always answer every fool so.  Pet. 
Doye think I want wit?  Sus. 
If you do, 'tis a shame you do not learn it.  Pet: 
Will you teach me? I'll come to you to school.  Sus. 
'tis not my profession sir, to teach a fool.  Sp: 
Look, look, this fellow is like your upright shoe, he will serve either foot.  Pet. 
Good Lady, have a better regard of me, do but think me made of the same metal other men are.  Sus: 
If others were of the same metal you are, and all mine, I should quickly sell them to the bell-makers.  Pet. 
Why, what metal do you think me?  Sus: 
Copper sir, copper, for I take your body to be of the same metal your nose is.  Pet. 
Dear Lady, now by this day I love you.  Sp: 
Why, how now signeur, what says the Lady will she love thee man?  Pet; 
Faith I can get but a cold comfort of her:  Sp: 
Well thank her for't:  Pet; 
For what?  Sp, 
Why, for her cold comfort, she gave it thee to cool the heat of thy nose man?  Sus: 
signior, you see these Gentlewomen have not long used your company; yet you see how Tobacco hath already refined their spirits:  Ruf; 
Why, how now signeur? at blindman-buff? bobbed on either side?  Pet: 
prithee peace: dear Lady, please you take a pipe of Tobacco?  Ruf: 
ay, come: I'll begin to her (tab) why, what a rogue art thou to offer a fair Lady an empty pipe?  Sus. 
Why signeur? do you make a fool of me?  Piso: 
Had you nobody signeur to have bobbed with an empty Pipe but her?  Nan. 
Why how now signeur, could you find never a fitter block to whet your wit on, but my sister?  Sp. 
By the divine smoke of Tobacco signeur, you have shamed us all.  Pet: 
Swear not good sir, swear not, profane not the Indian plant.  Knight 
Had you nobody else signeur, to break an empty jest on but this Lady?  Sus. 
No, no, 'a thinks any thing is good enough for me.  Pet. 
Sir, would you make my Lady and me friends?  Spar. 
Nay signeur, I have no face to speak, now you have abused her in your own Element: if it had been in any thing but Tobacco, I would have done my best.  Ruff: 
Hark you sig you were best to ask her forgiveness on your knees, there's no way to get her friendship else.  Pet: 
But will she forgive me think you if I ask her mercy on my knees?  Sp. 
Why, prove signeur, you can but try, we'll all speak for you.  Ruff: 
Good Lady will you forgive this signeur? you see his penitent, grief hath brought him very low, for he's on's knees; beside he weeps; speak signeur speak for yourself.  Pet. 
Lady, I must confess I have offered you an empty pipe, which methinks hath small reason to be taken in snuff.  Sp: 
And you are sorry for't signeur, are you not?  Pet. 
I with all my heart.  Sp: 
Forgive him good Lady, pray forgive him,  Su. 
I am content Gent at your entreaties upon conditions.  Pet 
Upon any conditions.  Su: 
But you shall be sworn to them.  Pet. 
Most willingly.  Ruff: 
Come, 'a shall be sworn on's own Tobacco pipe.  Piso: 
Look you signeur, he told you there was no way to get her good will but by kneeling; for he that will have a woman's love must stoop.  Sus: 
Come master  Ruff: 
you shall take his oath, and I'll minister't.  Ruff: 
Come signeur, put your hand to the pipe.  Sus: 
First you shall never while you live offer Lady or Gentlewoman an empty pipe.  Pet: 
Never.  Su. 
Secondly, you shall never make Tobacco your Idol, taking it in a morning before you say your prayers.  Pet: 
Never  Su: 
Thirdly, you shall never in the praise of Tobacco disclose or dispraise by the way of making comparisons, the secrets of Ladies, or Gentlewomen, as repeating their distilled waters, their censing oils, or their smoothing unguents.  Sp: 
To this you swear.  Pet. 
Most willingly.  Su. 
Fourthly, you shall never come with your squibs & smoke-squirts amongst Ladies and Gentlewomen, flinging out fume at your Nostrils, as a whale doth salt-water, unless you be entreated by them.  Pet. 
Never.  Su. 
Fiftly, you shall presently convey yourself out of our company, never to come more near us, unless you be sent for.  Pet. 
Never?  Su. 
No never: so, let him kiss the pipe.  Sp: 
Come signor, you have kneeled to a fair end, to get you a Mistress, and here you have for sworn her.  Pet. 
I'm in a fair case now.  Pis. 
i'faith now thou'rt a comb for any case.  Pet. 
Well, i'll keep my oath, farewell Gentlemen.  Pis. 
Farewell signor.  Sp: 
Adieu signor.  Knight 
God hew signor.  Pet: 
Well, some shall smoke for this.  Ruff: 
Let it be your nose then good signor in any case:  Exit. Enter signor Antifront disguised, called Fleire. 
It's a good soil, a whole some air, a pretty Town, handsome sleight buildings, well proportioned people, very fair women.  Spa. 
Hayda, this is like a lawyer's study in the latter end of a Term, one's no sooner thronged out, but another's thrust in, you're welcome sir.  Fle. 
But I am not sir, for I am sick.  Ruff: 
Would you speak with any man here?  Fl: 
I care not greatly sir, if I spoke with every man here.  Nan. 
he's a mad fellow.  Sp; 
What art?  Fle. 
Poor.  Ruff: 
Dost mean to live in this town?  Fle: 
I'd be loath to die in't.  Kni. 
In what country wert borne?  Fle: 
In none.  Knight 
Where then?  Fle: 
In a Town.  Knight 
What nation art?  Flei: 
An Italian:  Knight 
O then thou canst make glasses.  Fle: 
ay, and as wisemen as you Asses too, O are you there  
Piso? your father is my good Lord, but no more of that yet.  Sp. 
Why signor, I hope you wonot swagger?  Fle: 
No, nor I care not greatly for them that do, for your swaggerer is but like your walking spur, 'a jingles much but he'll ne'er prick.  Knight 
Why art so melancholy?  Su. 
I'll hold my life he is in love with some waiting Gentlewoman.  Fle: 
he's a mad fellow will love any of you all, longer than a pissing while.  Pis: 
Why camest thou out of Italy into England?  Fl: 
Because England would not come into Italy to me?  Pis: 
Why art sad?  Fle: 
Because I have cause.  Pis: 
Who dost follow?  Fle: 
My nose.  Sp: 
Who dost serve?  Fle: 
God.  Ruff: 
Who art towards?  Fle: 
He that's before me.  Sp: 
What dost want?  Fle. 
Money.  Sp. 
Nothing else?  Fle. 
Yes.  Sp, 
What?  Flei. 
A good service.  Sp. 
Shall I prefer thee?  Flei. 
I cannot tell, 'tis as I like the man.  Sp. 
Nai't shall be to a couple of Gentlewomen of thine own Country.  Fl. 
I shall have enough to do then I hope, I have heard of one woman hath served ten men, but I never heard that one man should be preferred to serve two women before: you're an Englishman.  Sp. 
I.  Fl. 
So I thought indeed, you cannot poison so well as we Italians, but you'll find a means to bring a man out of his life as soon. God's light serve two women quoth you?  Sp. 
Why thou shalt serve but one, yet take thy choice of both.  Fl, 
I marry Sir, I like when 't comes to choosing.  Sp. 
What's thy name?  Fle. 
Fleire.  Sp: 
What's thy profession?  Fle: 
I have ever been a Courtier.  Sp: 
A Courtier! come Gentlemen, I like this fellow so well that i'll prefer him strait.  Nan. 
Do so, you shall do a deed of charity in't.  Sp. 
Fair Ladies you'll excuse us.  Exeunt. Su. 
You have been very welcome Gentlemen.  manent Su, Nan Na: 
Come sister, there rests nothing for us now but this: we'll get us men's apparel, and serve them as Pages so shall we hinder them in their marriages, and in th' end prefer ourselves to be their wives.  Su, 
I like it well, come let's about it presently.  Exeunt. 
Finis Actus Primi.   

Actus secundus.  Enter Fleire, Solus in a new Suit. Fl. 
I have not yet been seven days here, and yet I see that grieves my very soul: my Daughters, my Ladies I must say now, make lust, labour for their maintenance, & this foolish nation will sell their goods, their lands, nay their very souls for night's delights and momentary sports, which like to lightning appears, and vanisheth ere one can say 'tis come: but then repentance sticks close. There was a fellow with one of my Ladies this morning, and the poor slave has but seven shillings a week board wages, and yet he has given six on't for a bit of extraordinary flesh, well: God give him the grace to pray, for a must fast. I asked the hot slave why a did not marry since a could not bridle his lust? and 'a told me 'a had rather fall into the surgeons mercy, than the worlds beggary; well, I see it cannot be denied, mercenary women are necessary members: they pluck down the pride of the flesh, yet are not proud themselves, for they'll be as familiar with the men as with the Master: they do as many good deeds as some Friars that puts one to penance for his sins, they put twenty to pains: he out of charity sends one to the Hospital once a year, they send twenty to the Surgeons once a month. Say he bids men repent, they make 'em repent, yet for all this some will call 'em damned Punks: well, if they be damned, they'll not be damned gratis like your young country Gentlemen, nor in hugger-mugger like your Citizens wife with her Prentice. They can practise without an overseer: they scorn to have a Suburban Bawd lend am a taffeta gown, & they (like your common Players) let men come in for two pence a piece, and yet themselves to have but the tenth penny, like the tenth Pig, yet faith the trade is a good trade: They for swear not themselves, in commendation of their wares, as your common Tradesmen do, swearing they cannot afford it at the price. They are no proverb breakers: beware the buyer say they, you shall have enough for your money, if half will not serve your turn take the whole, measure by your own yard, you shall have Winchester measure. I was somewhat bold with one of their Ladyships this morning, & asked her why women went to the generating sport all the year, since beasts themselves went to't but once? And she answered me, because they were women, & had reason to know what was good for themselves, and so had not beasts: but soft, here comes signor Petoune.  Enter Petoune taking Tobacco. Pet. 
O Fleire, how dost Fleire?  Fle. 
O signor, you may snuff out your smoke here signor, and save your oath too, here are no Cuckold makers.  Pet 
What are they Fleire?  Fl. 
Women signor, women: I heard what a rash Gentleman you are to forswear your Mistress company in the very heat of your affection.  Pet: 
Hang her, hang her, she's a very crickee, she hath written for me three or four times, but i'll see her damned ere i'll come to her, wilt take any Tobacco Fleire?  Fle. 
No, not I; i'll not make my nose a red Herring, i'll not hang him i'th' smoke.  Pet: 
Thou art a good Courtier Fleire, thou'st got a suit already.  Fl, 
Nay, I have two or three Offices too.  Pet: 
prithee what are they?  Fl: 
Why I am yeoman o'th' jurden, Gentleman o'th' smock and Squire of entertainment: for when your Gallants approach, I take their in comb, for if I stay till their out come, the devil a bit of any silver sir can I get: for your new made Gallants lay all on the back and spend all ath belly.  Pet. 
How do thy two Ladies live Fleire?  Fl: 
Like two musk-cats in a Coop.  Pet: 
Why? I here say they live gallantly.  Fl, 
Pheu, they? why they keep a little court.  Pet: 
And what art thou? a Sumner?  Fl. 
A Sumner, why?  Pet: 
Because thou art one of thee; hark in thine ear.  Fl. 
Well said calf, hast been a sucking all this while for that jest? no, I have an honourable place, I am one of their leaders, for their shoes are so high, and their heels so short if they should not be led, they'd play domestic tricks abroad, and show all.  Pet. 
Thou their leader! why do they mean to go to the wars?  Fle: 
I think so, for I am sure here were a couple of gentlemen last night that scoured their pieces.  Pet: 
I think Fleir thy Ladies are not we rich.  Fle: 
How can they? they spend when others get.  Pet. 
Dost hear Fleir? wilt prefer me to their service?  Fle. 
What! shall we embrace? shall we have rednosed Corporals here: what you rogue? will you turn Sumner? away you wale-nosed rogue away, go, snuffle, snuffle in the Ocean, away you slave.  Pet, 
Is thy name Fleir? thou'rt a flattering, fleering, cogging knave.  Exit. Enter two Ladies, one singing: Fel. 
His man's red hose, were the colour of his nose,  
and his breech was made of blue,  
And he in shape, but a Frenchman's Ape,  
And so sweet sir adieu.  
"Holla, holla ye pampered jades of Asia,  
" And can you draw but twenty miles a day?  Flo. 
Give me a bow, I'll hit the Sun.  Fel, 
Why t's impossible.  Flo, 
No more canst thou hit true felicity.  Fel, 
O I am in an excellent humour, now I could laugh, dance, leap, or do any light tricks that belongs to a light wench.  Flo; 
But look who's here?  Fel, 
O signeur Fleir, how dost, how dost man? we may be merry before thee, thou'lt be secret, wilt not?  Flo: 
As your Midwife, or Barber Surgeon Madam;  Fel: 
How lik'st the City Fleir, ha, how lik'st it?  Flo, 
Faith well Madam, were not your Citizens, such heavy head fellows:  Fel, 
That's a sign they are no drunkards.  Fle. 
Indeed Madam, drink lightens the head, the heart, the heels, the pot, the purse; but it makes heavy chamberpots, full bowels, and foul rooms enough.  Fel: 
How dost like the Gentlemen of this Country?  Fle: 
I can compare your Gentleman, and your Merchant, to nothing so fitly as your Flea and your Louse: I had rather trust your louse with a hundred pound, than your Flea with forty; for your Louse, like the Merchant, stands to't, you shall know where to find him, but your Flea, like the Gentleman, if you take him not at first sight 'a slips from you.  Flo: 
methinks they have a strange fashion here, they take money with their wives, and give money to their wenches.  Fle: 
And good reason too (Madam) would you have a man be troubled with a wife, as long as he lives for nothing? 'a gives money to his wench, to be as soon rid of her as he has done with her.  Fel: 
What's the reason Fleir, the Citizens wives wear all Corks in their shoes?  Fle: 
O Madam, to keep the custom of the City, only to be light heeled. The City is like a Comedy, both in parts and in apparel, and your Gallants are the Actors: for he that yesterday played the Gentleman, now plays the Beggar; she that played the Waiting-woman, now plays the Quean; he that played the married-man, now plays the Cuckold; and she that played the Lady, now plays the Painter. Then for their apparel, they have change too: for she that wore the Petticoat, now wears the Breech; he that wore the Coxcomb, now wears the feather; the Gentleman that wore the long Sword, now wears the short Hanger; and he that could scarce get Velvet for his Cape, has now lined his Cloak throughout with it.  Flo: 
But how dost like the Court Fleir?  Fle: 
Well enough, if they did not catch their meat so; it comes no sooner from Table, but tone fellow has a fat Duck by the rump, tother a slippery eel by the tail, and an old Courtier that best knew the tricks on't, was mumbling of a coney in a corner alone by himself.  Fel. 
What good cheer didst see there?  Fle, 
Faith there was much good meat, but methought your fair Lady was your only dish.  Flo. 
ay, but that's a costly dish, and will ask rich saucing.  Fle. 
Faith for mine own part when I had a stomach, I should like it best in it own naked kind, without any sauce at all.  Flo. 
What's the news now at Court Fleir?  Fle. 
Faith they say your Ladies cannot endure the old fashion Spur, they say it hangs to a man's heel like a Wheelbarrow, but they love the fine little Scottes Spur, it makes the Court jennet curvet, curvet gallantly.  Flo: 
I prithee Fleir, how goes the report of us two abroad?  Fle. 
If I should tell you, I fear your Ladyships would be angry.  Flo. 
No not a whit.  Fle, 
But alas they are your common people, they are like your Slippers, they are always gaping, their mouths are never shut.  Flo, 
But what say they of us?  Fle, 
Alas Madam, their tongues are like your dry leather shoes, always creaking:  Flo, 
But I prithee tell us, what do they say of us?  Fle: 
I shall offend your Ladyships.  Flo, 
I tell thee no.  Fle, 
But alas Madam, I do not believe them, because I know the conditions of the slaves; why I'll tell you, their tongues are like the jack of a Clock, still in labour.  Flo. 
I think thou'rt mad, I prithee tell us what they say.  Fle. 
I would be loath to displease you.  Flo, 
I tell thee thou shalt not.  Fle. 
Faith they say your Ladyships are a couple of stately Courtesans.  Flo. 
Faith that was not much amiss said they no worse?  Flei, 
You'll not be angry with me.  Flo, 
No a'my word.  Fle. 
By my troth they said stately whores.  Flo, 
What pagan rogues be these? were they but roasted Larks for my sake, I would crush 'em bones and all.  Fel, 
Why? are you so angry sister? you know they speak truth.  Flo, 
Why are we whores?  Fel, 
What are we else?  Flo. 
Why we are Courtesans.  Fel. 
And what difference pray?  Flei. 
O great great madam, your whore is for every rascal but your Courtesan is for your Courtier.  Flo, 
He has given you a difference now.  Flei, 
And indeed Madam I said so, for in truth I was very angry with 'am, but they said you were for every servingman too.  Flo, 
Did they say so?  Flei, 
Yes indeed Madam, I hope I have touched you now.  Flo, 
He hold my life this slave the Servingman, that was with me this morning, has bragged of my kindness to him.  Flei, 
Nay, that's like lie, never trust a fellow that will flatter, fleer, and fawn for four nobles a year.  Flo, 
Well, i'll near have Servingman touch any linen of mine again.  Flei, 
Yes Madam, 'a may touched when 'tis at the Laundresses.  Flo, 
ay, at my Laundresses, or else not: but what a rascal's this? by this light, i'll never suffer servingman come near me again.  Flei, 
Yes madam, to deliver you a letter or so.  Fl. 
By this hand, not unless the Rogue kiss his hand first.  Flei, 
O Madam! why? since blue coats were left oft, the kissing of the hand is the serving man's badge, you shall know him by't: but Madam, I speak something boldly of you now and then, when I am out of your hearing, to hear what the world will say of you, for you know that's the way to pump filthy words out of their mouths, if there be any in them.  Fel. 
And do so still, we allow thee to say any thing, for thereby we shall know our friends from our foes.  Flei, 
I assure your Ladyships, I love you, and am sorry for you from my soul, although you know it not.  Flo, 
we doubt it not.  Fel. 
Come sister will you in?  Flo, 
I prithee Fleire inform us how the tide of opinion runs on us, lest we be drowned in the slanderous imaginations of the world.  Flei, 
I shall be very vigilant of your reputations.  Amb, 
Be so.  Exeunt Sisters. Enter Ruffell. Flei, 
Who comes here a Gods-name? O, my gallant ruffles it out in silk, where have you been all this while?  Ruff, 
Faith at Court Fleire, when wert thou there?  Fl, 
Faith but yesterday, where I saw a farmer's Son sit newly made a courtier, that sat in the presence at cards, as familiar as if the chair of state had been made of a piece of his father's Barn-door: O 'tis a shame: I would have state be state in earnest and in game, I like your Courtier for nothing but often saying his prayers.  Ruff, 
What, I think thou seldom saist thy prayers, since thou hast almost forgot thy Paternoster.  Flei, 
Faith I pray once a week dost thou pray oftener?  Ruff, 
I did pray oftener when I was an Englishman, but I have not prayed often, I must confess since I was a Britain: but dost hear Fleire? canst tell me if an Englishman were in debt, whether a Britain must pay it or no?  Flei, 
No, questionless no.  Ruff, 
I'm glad of that, I hope some honest statute will come shortly, and wipe out all my scores.  Fl, 
But what's the news now abroad Master Ruffell?  Ruff, 
Why they say the Courtiers shall make the Citizens no more Cuckolds.  Fl. 
Excellent news i'faith, excellent news, than the Court will grow rich.  Ruff, 
Rich? Why man why?  Fl, 
Why then your Courtier will not bestow his money in buying the Merchants idle commodities to lie with his wife.  Ruff, 
Fleire I did but to try thee, the tide of the flood is turned man.  Fl, 
Then let them sweat for't.  Ruff, 
For what?  Fl, 
If they strive against the stream.  Ruff. 
No, but I mean the Citizens must cuckold the courtiers  Fle, 
Excellent news i'faith, excellent news, than the court will grow rich.  Ruff, 
What, like your weavers shuttle? make cloth forward and backward, but how I prithee? but hark you Fleire, are you capable of a secret?  Fl, 
As your common Cockatrice, that receives the secrets of every man.  Ruff: 
Then I must entreat, I may trust thee.  Fl, 
That's because I am no tailor, for if I were, thou wouldest entreat me to trust thee.  Ruff, 
Sirrah, they say your Ladies are a couple of common Punks, I hope I may trust you with a secret?  Fl, 
Sir, sir, d'ye hear, d'ye think they are no worse?  Ruff, 
Worse! why can they be worse?  Fl, 
O sir, I they may be private Punks: why I tell you he that takes up his private Punks linen, were better take up any commodity about the Town: if 'twere a commodity of Mousetraps, 'a should not lose much by the bargain.  Ruff, 
But hark you Fleire hark you, 'tis supposed I can tell you they are a couple of private Punks.  Fl. 
Nay, then there's some hope they'll prove honest women.  Ruff. 
Yea, how Fleire how?  Fl. 
Why your private punk would leave being a punk, rather than be private to one man for nothing, and then if all men were like thee, they would be honest, for thou hast nothing to give am.  Ruff, 
What a cogging fleering Rogue is this, nothing will anger him: but d'ye hear Fleire; art thou a procurer, or a knave? for one of them I am sure thou art.  Fl. 
A procurer! what's that?  Ruff. 
One that procures means for procreation, vulgarly called a Pander.  Fl, 
By this light now, were I a notable Rogue, should I deny my profession, why, I am a procurer sir.  Ruff, 
Nay, than thou art a Knave too that's certain, for there is such a sympathy between a Procurer and a knave, as there is betwixt an alchemist and a Beggar.  Fl, 
But look you sir, pray will you tell me one thing now.  Ruff. 
What's that?  Fl, 
Are you a Whoremaster or a Thief, for one of them i'm sure you are.  Ruff, 
By this light now 'a comes near me too, why I am a whoremaster.  Fl, 
Nay, than you are a thief too, that's certain, for your whoremaster always filcheth for victuals, for you know flesh is man's food, mary sir you cannot be hanged for't, 'tis but petty lassary at most, but you may chance be whipped for't and burned too; but not i'th' hand signor, not i'th' hand.  Enter Spark. Sp. 
Save ye Gentles.  Ruff. 
Then we are enemies to the Jews.  Fle. 
O my good preferrer, how does your worship, you are a stranger here.  Sp. 
Faith I have been with two Gentlewomen, in whose company thou first sawst us, and there the Knight, Sir john Have-little is so in love with the younger, as 'a knows not whether a should rejoice, she had so much beauty: or lament, because he is like to enjoy none on't.  Fl, 
By my troth I took him for a conjuror, when I first saw him, 'a talked so much of his soul and the Devil.  Sp: 
Why 'a sold his soul to the Devil, for the velvet that lines his cloak.  Fl. 
And when will he give the Devil his dew?  Sp, 
Nay, 'a deals with him, as 'a does with his Tailor, goes upon trust and means to pay them both at the latter day.  Flo, 
But does not the Gentlemen jest at him?  Sp, 
Yes, one of them asked if he were a celestrial or a terrestrial Knight, & he very ignorant lie asked what Knights they were? your terrestrial Knight quoth she, is of a gross element, and lives upon lands of his own, but your celestrial Knight, he lives by the Heir, that is, by his elder Brother. He it was, was Knighted, when so few scaped the sword, and he it is that now lives by the sword.  Fl, 
And what said the Knight, what said he?  Sp, 
Faith as some Courtiers do, laugh at that he did not understand, and swore an oath or two of the new fashion, as, by my conscience Lady you have a very good spirit, & so after two or three Court compliments, beseeched the Ladies retain him still in their good graces, kissed his hand and went his way.  Fl, 
Faith methinks your English Ladies were very gallant Creatures, had they not one fault.  Sp, 
What's that?  Fl, 
I have heard say, they will rise sooner, and go with more devotion to see an extraordinary execution, than to hear a Sermon.  Sp, 
O signior, condemn not all for some, indeed I must confess there have been Ladies at executions.  Fl, 
ay, and they sat bare faced too, for fear the little fleet holes of their masks should not give their eyes room enough for such a prospect: one Lady thrust her head so far out at a window, with greedy desire to see all, that the whole body was like to follow, making a forked tree with her head down, had neither Gentleman Usher, contrary to the nature of his office, catched hold of her behind.  Sp, 
A forked tree, why what tree dost thou think she would have made?  Fl: 
O sir, a Meddler-tree, a Meddler-tree.  Sp, 
But Fleire, how does the Gentleman Usher live with thy Ladies?  Fl. 
Faith sir in the nature of a monkey, that flatters and fawns, and shakes his tail in his Mistress lap: but i'faith Gallants, whether are you two bound now?  Sp. 
We are even ready for your two Ladies signior;  Fle, 
Faith and you shall find my two Ladies as ready for you two: Come, come, I'll put you in the way of all flesh, I'll send you to Gravesend, I'll see you in the Tilt-boat, When you are there, ship yourselves: in, in, in.  Ex. Spe. & Ruf. Enter Piso and Knight. Piso, 
How is't Fleir?  Fle. 
O my Lord, you are a welcome man.  Kni. 
Save you O signeur.  Fleir: 
O my gracious knight, and whither are you two bound now?  Piso. 
Faith e'en to your two Ladies signeur,  Fle, 
Yea? and will you to the southward i'faith? will you to the confines of italy my Gallants? take heed how ye go Northwards, 'tis a dangerous Coast, jest not with't in Winter, therefore go Southwards my Gallants, Southwards hoe: I have shipped two Gallants in a storm, I fear they have spent their main Masts by this time, and are coming home again: but if you will Southwards, my hearts of gold, I'll ship you in pomp, I'll send ye under the very line, where the sun's at hottest.  Piso. 
But come, shall we go see thy Ladies, Fleir?  Fle. 
ay, ay, ay, Come: but my good Lord you'll be a welcome man, for I have heard her often swear, that had she such a Husband, a man so richly decked in virtuous ornaments, she would forsake this life, herself, nay, her very being, to be yours; O my good Lord, she loves you dearly.  Piso. 
Pheu, but I cannot requite it,  Fle. 
Why my good Lord?  Piso. 
she's a common thing.  Fle. 
But say she may turn my Lord.  Piso. 
She has been so much worn, she's not worth the turning now.  Fle. 
O my Lord, penitence doth purge a spotted soul, and better leave sin late then not at all: and I do know my Lord, that for your love from her immodest life she'll turn.  Piso. 
ay, ay, I doubt not but she'll turn: but 'twill be like a Buzzard Hawk that turns her tail to her game.  Knight 
Fleir, is the gentleman usher that I preferred to your Ladies in any favour with them?  Fle. 
Great, great: 'a kisses his hand with an excellent grace, and a will leer and fleer upon am, he's partly their Physician, 'a makes am Suppositories, and gives am Glisters.  Knight 
And how lives he with am.  Fle: 
Faith like Thisbe in the play, 'a has almost killed himself with the scabbard: but hark you Knight, you'll be a welcome man to my younger Lady, I protest she thinks worthily of you.  Knight 
signior, I must confess, I am beholding to your Lady; and to tell you truly, I have much affected her since I first saw her.  Fle: 
Upon my word sir, to my knowledge she is an honest Gentlewoman, yet the world may chance speak ill of her. Why I have heard some say Penelope was a Punk, having no reason to suspect her, but because she set up late a nights, when 'twas but to undo that which she did by day. I have heard some say Hercules was a coward because he did not fight at single Rapier like a gallant, but with a Club.  Knight 
Nay, I have no reason to think the worse of her for the report of the world; for the world signeur perchance speaks ill of you, or me.  Fle: 
Why, you're inh 'right, I have heard some say, you were a very needy Knight, and that you had but one shirt to your back when you came first to this town; Nay more, when your Lackey carried it to the Laundress, it was found to be a woman's smock, that you had borrowed: but what? should my Lady, or I believe this now?  Kni. 
I hope she doth not,  Fle. 
No, no, no.  Piso: 
Come Fleir shall we see thy Ladies?  Fle. 
ay, ay, hoe, whose's within there?  Enter Servingman. Seru. 
What would you have master Fleir?  Fle: 
prithee show these Gentlemen up into the great Chamber, and give my Lady's notice of their being here, have a little business my Lords, he'll conduct ye, ye shall find a couple of your acquaintance there. Exeunt: manet Fleir .Could I but work Lord Piso, and my eldest daughter, to make am both affect and love each other, that marriage might unite their hearts together: O then there were assured hope we might redeem our honours lost, and regain our right in Florence. And for this Knight though he be poor, yet would he married were unto Felicia.  
For of a loving husbands awful eye,  
Sets right the woman's steps that went awry.  
Heaven I know has grace enough in store,  
To make most chaste, a most lascivious whore.  Enter the two wenches in boys' apparel. 
How now? who have we there? a couple of footmen?  Su. 
You see sir, we are not a horseback.  Fle: 
how now my little fireworks of wit? what? flashes and flames? tell me true, were you never Ushers to some great man's Coach-mares? did You never run bare before them?  Nan, 
Never we sir:  Fle. 
Whither are you going?  Sus. 
Sir we want a service, end are going to get a Master.  Fle. 
Come, come; I'll prefer you both, thou shalt serve a Countryman of mine, he's going to travail: shalt go with him, & thou shalt serve one of my Ladies.  Su. 
We would willingly serve two near friends, because we are brothers, and indeed two twins, and therefore are loath to be parted.  Fl: 
Two twins? that's all one, come, come, you shall serve'em.  Nan. 
You shall pardon us sir.  Enter Flor, Spark, Felec: Ruffell, Piso, Knight and Fromaga. Flor. 
I hope you'll not condemn me for my love.  Sp: 
I have no reason Lady.  Flo: 
I offered you unasked.  Sp: 
That with a number oft hath bought.  Flo: 
Partly they have, and partly not, for I would have you know, my function seldom sells affection: what though I have evil lived? repentant tears can wash away my sin, which i'll poor forth like drops of winter rain, and now henceforth, ever I'll this life abhor, and to the earth my knees i'll daily bow, to get mercy from heaven, love from you.  Nan. 
O the devil take impudency she courts him.  Sp. 
Madam, the love that I may give you, fully do enjoy, but I have sworn with other love then as a Brother doth a sister never to love any.  Fel. 
O sir, my fortunes are not fellows with my birth, they make me stoop to base dejected courses, but would you love me, I would as swift as thought fly this life, and leave lusts foulest sin, for fleshly beasts to sleep and wallow in.  Su: 
Shame to thy sex, no more.  Ruff: 
Lady, in all the honest offices that friendship may command, command me still, but yet I have not seen the face to which I owe so much of love, as may justly arrest my affections, and when I do, i'll pay so due a debt without imprisonment.  Pis: 
Methinks yond Lady grows fairer much than she was wont, methinks her feature mends, & her comely gesture, much hath drawn my heart to love her, O but she's a whore.  Nan. 
Gentlemen do you lack a Boy?  Sp. 
No,  Nan. 
O God, I am undone.  Su: 
Sir doye want a Servant?  Ruff: 
No.  Su: 
O Lord what shall I do?  Pis: 
What canst do?  Na: 
Any thing that a Boy should do.  Kni. 
wilt dwell with me?  Su: 
'tis partly as you'll use me.  Knight 
I'll use thee well.  Su: 
Well.  Pis: 
Tell me, are you both content to dwell with us two?  Both. 
As please you two.  Pis. 
Then thou shalt live with me.  Kni. 
And thou with me.  Sp: 
Come Gentlemen will you be going?  Both 
We attend you sir.  Sp. 
Ladies our occasions calls us hence, and I am sorry we must leave you.  Exeunt: manent Piso and Nan. Flo. 
Gentlemen you all both have, and ever shall be welcome.  Pis: 
Lady I will leave you much affection more than I thought to lend you, but I deal on use, and have much interest.  Flei: 
Caught I hope: hold hook and line, he's fast by heaven.  Flo. 
My Lord, what you lend me, with much interest shall be repaid.  Pis. 
Adieu.  Flo. 
Fare you well; refused.  Fel. 
Contemned.  Flo: 
Disdained.  Fel: 
Abused.  Flo: 
Adyes.  Fel, 
A shall not live:  Flor. 
Disdain the Daughter of such a signor.  Fel, 
Condemn a Lady borne? sister we are wronged.  Flo, 
But if you'll consent I have a project laid, that in requital both of them shall die.  Fel. 
You make my soul sweet harmony, come let's about it then.  Exeunt. 
Finis Act: Secundi.   


Actus Tertius scena prima.  Enter the Ladies each with a Letter, and Fleire aside. Flo. 
Are we in private?  Fel, 
We are?  Flo, 
Pray Sister what moving lines of love has your Knight touched your affection with?  Fel. 
Faith his style is plain, only a little courtlike silken phrase it has, but I hope your lord hath sent rich words like jewels, for your ears against your nuptial day.  Flo. 
Faith a woe's with lines that might persuade another thought, not me, which i'll lend your eyes, upon the like received courtesy from you.  Fel. 
With all my heart.  Change Letters. Flo. 
What have we here?  read. 
Lady I know the nobleness of your disposition defends you from the least Spark of baseness, wherefore I invocate every particular virtue of yours to be mediators to your best judgement for my better estimation in your love, my affection is zealous, my intent honourable, my desire marriage: thus desiring your resolved answer, I rest.  
Ever at your disposure: lack Have-little Knight.  
Upon my life some friend did pen it for the fool.  Fel. 
Let me see what's this?  read. 
You the understanding spirit of a woman, let the splendour of your Beauty, with some heat of your affection shine upon the creature that adores ye, and with the heavenly comfort of your love, melt and thaw despair from in dying heart which if it live, it lives to love, it die if it dies in love, but howsoever, 'tis yours, 'twas made for you, lives by you, and dies without you.  
Yours in the most affectionate degree of affection. Don Piso De Florence.  
Sister upon my life this is son and heir to Duke Piso that now is.  Flo: 
O would he were! but whosoe'er he be, 'a must be made a match to give fire to the hell black powder of our revenge, yet your love: the wise Knight and he, are two in one, there are no such friends as they.  Fle. 
Then let them march both hand in hand in one way.  Flo: 
Then shall be thus: these two being earnest suitors for our loves, we'll grant upon condition, that suddenly they murder Spark and Ruffell, but first to take the Sacrament if ever it be known, as known 'twill be, to keep our names unspotted in the action; this being done,  Fel. 
Let them challenge us, we and our loves are won. but say they should reveal us.  Flo. 
O none will break a Sacrament to heap up perjury on other sins, when death & hell stands gaping for their souls.  Fel. 
But say they rail on us.  Flo. 
If they do, 'tis known, we loved Spark, and Ruffel, and men will think they killed 'em for our loves, since they lived in our favour these in disgrace.  Fel, 
I like it well, come let's hasten it,  
For this is even as true as ere was text,  
Plots are but dreams until they take effects.  Exeunt. Fle. 
O God, I think the path to hell that women tread is broader than the way men go: how they walk by couples to the Devil?  Enter Piso. Pis. 
O that I should love a whore, a very common Cockatrice, my thoughts are drowned in a gulf of sin, she's a very cannibal, which doth devour man's flesh, and a horseleech that sucks out men's best bloods perfection: a very prisoners box, that's ope for every man's benevolence: and I am Heir unto a Duke, yet love her: doth any man here love a whore? ay, who? ay, ay, ay, 'tis I, an arrant punk & common hired Hackney, and yet I love her; I adore her, I dote on her, I worship her, O would some goodman would cut my throat, and put me out of pain— of pain, O that nature would not make an honest woman!  Fl: 
She did, she did my Lord.  Pis, 
Art there? speak, who was't?  Fl, 
eve, eve my Lord, she was honest.  Pis, 
Art sure on't?  Fl. 
I sure my Lord, for there was no man to tempt her but her husband.  Pis, 
I thought 'twas some such country Gentlewoman, O Fleire. Fleire I love a whore.  Fl, 
Why my Lord, were you never a Soldier?  Pis. 
Yes. yes,  Flo 
Why then 'tis your profession, you need not be ashamed of your trade.  Pis. 
But Fleire wilt help me, wilt help me man?  Fl. 
ay, ay, who is't?  Pis, 
Thy Lady, thy elder Lady.  Fl, 
O my Lord, love her? why she's a whore.  Pis, 
I Fleire, but she may turn.  Fl: 
But she is so much worn my Lord, she's not worth turning now.  Pis. 
Do not vex me, do not torment me: do not torture me upon the rack of jests, I tell thee if she please, she may turn.  Fl: 
I my Lord, tail to her game, like a buzzard hawk, or so:  Pis. 
Yet again, now the Devil take thy body, and damnation light upon thy soul, destruction on thy bones, confusion in thy marrow, dost scorn me, mock me, vex me, torment me? dost? dost? I'll hang myself, nay, I'll damn myself rather then love thy Lady, and be abused by thee: I will, I will.  Exit Piso: Enter Knight. Kni. 
O Fleir how does thy Lady?  Fle. 
I delivered your letter sir, and she thanks you for't:  Kni. 
And how does she? ha, how does she?  Fle. 
Faith not well, she has taken physic, and your gentleman usher there ministers to her: she's very great, and she says she feels much stirring in her belly.  Knight 
Sure then Fleir she has eaten too much raw fruit.  Fle: 
Upon my life then, they be plums, and the stones make her swell.  Knight 
Sure there. 'tis so, I should send her something to comfort her now being sick: what dost think were best Fleir?  Fle. 
Send her an Oaten cake, 'tis a good Northern token: sir Raph Shave sent his Mistress one, but I think a meant to ride a journey on her, and thought Oats would make her travel well.  Kni. 
No, Oates is too great a binder after her Physic, I care not if I go and visit her, and carry her a Woodcock.  Fle. 
You'll go alone sir.  Kni. 
ay, I mean so, but how should I carry him Fleir?  Fle: 
Under your Cloak sir, under your Cloak.  Knight 
Mas, and thou sayest true, I'll go buy one straight, and yet now I remember me, 'tis no great matter if I defer it till she be well, it shall be so Fleir, I will.  Fle: 
O you're of a French humour sir, as inconstant as impatient: I think you have scarce the patience to tell the clock when it strikes.  Kni. 
Tush, I keep a boy for such uses.  Fle. 
For nothing else?  Kni. 
Yes, to wear a guarded Cloak.  Fle: 
Not till you be richly married.  Kni. 
No, not till I be richly married: he should wear one now, if my money were come out o'th' Country.  Fle. 
I wonder you would be knighted sir, since your money is so long a coming, that you cannot maintain your knighthood gallantly.  Kni. 
Faith I was knighted to get me a good wife Fleir.  Fle. 
Get you a good wife? Why look you sir, speak but the Golden tongue very perfectly, marry you must speak it well, and call some great Lord x: 'twill get you a better wife than three hundred pound jointer. You may report you have Coalpits too, 'tis a warm commodity I can tell you: they may be sent about by water; if they near come, as your money doth not, you may curse the winds, or complain of Shipwreck: and than though't be a lie 'tis drowned.  Kni. 
ay, but say it should be proved afterwards 'twas not true.  Fle. 
True? God's my life, she's a wise woman that will go as far as new Castle to search the depth of a Coalpit for your truth.  Kni. 
I would be loath to leave my truth so far hence.  Fle. 
But I am sure he'll bring his honesty no nearer hither; but that comes about by water too as his money does.  Kni. 
But Fleir is not thy Lady a virtuous Gentlewoman?  Fle. 
O yes sir, I often find her in deep contemplation.  Kni. 
Of what I prithee?  Flr. 
Of aratine's pictures.  Kni. 
ay, I warrant her, O she can endure no bawdry, she spits when she hears one speak on't.  Fle: 
That's because her mouth waters at it.  Kni. 
she's wondrous musical too.  Fle: 
Very true, she every day sings john for the King, and at Up tails all, she's perfect.  Kni. 
Be these good tunes Fleir?  Fle: 
Excellent, excellent sir, far better than your Scottish jigs.  Knight 
Yet many of our Ladies delight much in the Scottish Music.  Fle. 
ay, with their Instruments.  Kni. 
Thou hast a good wit Fleir: if I were a great-man thou shouldst be my Secretary.  Fle. 
And I hope I should discharge the place sufficiently: for I have learning enough to take a bribe, and wit enough to be proud: but whither are you going now sir?  Kni. 
Faith I am going to thy lady's Fleir.  Fle. 
You will not speak with am now; for my Ladies will speak with none but Gentlemen.  Kni. 
Why sir, I hope I am a Knight, and Knights are before Gentlemen.  Fle. 
What Knights before Gentlemen, say ye?  Kni. 
Faith I.  Fle. 
That's strange, they were wont to be Gentlemen 'fore they were knighted: but for this news I'll follow you.  Kni. 
Do, and as occasion serves I'll prefer thee.  Exeunt. Enter Piso, and Nan as his Boy. Piso: 
Why should I love her? because she's fair, because she's fair; because she's a whore: for if she wore not fair, she would not be a whore; & if she were not fair, I should not love her: Ergo, if she were not a whore I should not love her: well concluded wit, well concluded wit; there is no man breathing could love her but I, she's a whore, yet her beauty haunts me like a Ghost, I cannot sleep for't, her remembrance rides me like the Mare a-nights, I cannot rest for't, what shall I do? I shall burst boy.  Nan. 
My Lord.  Piso: 
Will thy tongue be secret?  Nan, 
As the clapper of a Mill, my Lord.  Piso. 
Is not that always going?  Nan. 
I my Lord, but I hope it says nothing.  Piso. 
O thou hast wit I see I am in love boy, I am, I am.  Nan 
With whom my Lord?  Piso. 
With a very Wagtail an arrant woman, a very Peace whose pride is maintained by her tail.  Na. 
Then it is maintained by the worthiest part of her body  Pis: 
Come, your wit boy, your proof.  Nan, 
If a hundred men in a company, me't doth not the worthiest man amongst them, first take his place, and sit down?  Pis. 
I grant it.  Nan. 
And I am sure my Lord, where ere the body comes the tail first takes his place, and sits down, and therefore I hope 'tis the worthiest part of the body.  Pis. 
O that I had the reason of a Sailor to know her like a rock, that I might sail from her and avoid her: or as a virtuous man knows sin, to loathe and leave it. And yet she's wondrous fair, I would she were as honest: kind usage may reclaim her from her sin, and make her stoop unto her husband's will, as doth a wel-mand Hawk unto the lure.  Na: 
O ay, she has been maned already, she knows the lure and will come to any call.  Pis. 
O but her beauty may excuse the folly of her youth, 'tis want of maintenance hath overthrown her, want and pride are two notorious bawds: want makes the noblest creature sell her soul for gold, and pride doth make the gallants stoop to lust.  Na. 
And often sells pure honesty, to clad her tail in glittering bravery.  Pis. 
And 'tis well done, let every member wear that which it won: why should the head study to maintain the foot?  Nan: 
Or the foot trot to maintain the head?  Pis. 
Why should not every member like a mechanic man in a commonwealth, labour in his own trade to maintain itself? then since every thing must live, I will no more condemn beauty for being clad in luxury, but henceforth I will love her, and let my passion smoothly swim along the stream of loves affection: henceforth I will no more with foul and hated thoughts, abuse so rare a creature, whose behaviour and discourse, enchants the ears of men, and drives the world into a wonder— ay me!  Na. 
Faith my Lord you'll near win a woman by sighing, crossing your arms, and crying aye me! the only way to wiN them, is to care little for am: when they are sad do ye sing: when they sing and are merry, then take your time & put am to't: if they will, so: if not, let them snick up, if you will walk in my Lord, i'll show ye many principles I learned of my Mother, they may do your lordship good.  Pis. 
Go go, I will: but O unhappy fate,  
When youth and weakness must support our state.  Exeunt. Enter Fleire one way, Spark, Ruffell and Petoune another way. Sp: 
How now Fleire?  Ruff: 
Save you Fleire.  Flei, 
Save ye Gallants: O signor Petoune, shall you and I be friends again?  Sp: 
Why are ye enemies?  Fle, 
No great enemies, a quarrel rose between us.  Pet, 
I do not like such quarrels, 'a struck me sir, and I protest and swear to you sir by this Trinidado, had I not taken the box on my cheek, 'a had broke my Pipe.  Sp: 
Why didst not strike him again?  Ruff: 
O no, his Father's a justice.  Flei, 
Nay if the Father be of the peace, I see no reason the Son should fight.  Ruff 
What, a Coward signor? fie, a coward?  Fl. 
A Coward? why that's his only virtue, for a Coward abuseth no man, but 'a makes him satisfaction: for if a wrong all men, 'a gives all men leave to beat him, he's like a whetstone, he sets an edge on another, & yet a will not cut himself.  Ruff. 
Come, come, we must needs have you friends, & thou'st do him some good offices.  Fl. 
Who? I? with all my heart, but what is't sir? what is't?  Ruff: 
Thou shalt commend his love to Madam Fromaga.  Fl: 
His love to her? what signor, in love with my Ladies Ancient?  Sp: 
Why her Ancient?  Fl: 
Because she carries her colours for her, but 'tis in a box: but signor you shall have a good match on't, though she be not rich, yet she's an ancient woman, and is able to get her living, by midwifery, and I can tell ye 'tis not the worst trade going, considering how young and old, and all do their good wills to set them a work, and 'tis a good hearing, better they get then the Lawyers, for your midwives live by the agreement between party and party, & the falling in of lovers, but the Lawyers live by the falling out of friends.  Pet: 
I pray sir what may she be worth?  Flo. 
Worth? let me see, she hath three yellow periwigs of her own: she hath a Fan with a short silver handle about the length of a barber's syringe; she has a looking-glass too, but that has played the prodigal Citizen with her, 'tis broken, and much other goods of the same nature.  Sp. 
But come signor, how will you woo her?  Pet. 
I will tell her she is so wise, that neither age nor time could cozen her of beauty.  Fl, 
And by my faith that will do well.  Pet. 
I will tell her that I love her most for the whiteness of her skin.  Fl: 
But you may not say the sweetness of her breath, for that stinks.  Pet. 
I will praise the smallness of her fingers.  Fl. 
But I assure you, you may better praise the length of her nails.  Pet. 
I am afraid that being old she has a dry hand.  Fl, 
That's certain, but she has a very moist nose, you may praise her for that: but my Gallants why are ye such strangers at our little Court?  Sp: 
Because thy Ladies live like the Beadles of Bridewell.  Fl, 
How's that sir?  Sp: 
By the sins of the people.  Ruff. 
They say the Lord Piso, hath been a good Client to thy elder Lady of late.  Fl, 
The more fool he? why your good Client is but like your study gown, sits in the cold himself, to keep the Lawyer warm.  Sp. 
And what fees hast thou out of their trade?  Fl, 
Faith my fees are like a puny Clerks, a penny a sheet.  Sp, 
How a penny a sheet?  Fle, 
Why, if any lie with them a whole night, I make the bed i'th' morning, and for that I have two pence, and that's a penny a sheet.  Ruff, 
What Gallants use to come to your house?  Fl: 
All sorts, all nations, and all trades: there is first Master Gallant your Britain, Master Metheglins your Welshman, monsieur Mushroome the Frenchman: signor Fumada the Spaniard, Master Oscabath the Irishman: and Master Shamrough his Lackey, O and Master Slopdragon the Dutchman. Then for your Tradesmen, there comes first Master Saluberrimum the Physician, Master Smooth the Silkman, Master Thimble the tailor, Master Blade the Cutler, and Master Rowell the Spurrier: but Master Match the Gunner of Tower-hill comes often; he has taught my Ladies to make fireworks, they can deal in Chambers already, as well as all the Gunners that make am fly off with a train at Lambeth, when the Maior and Aldermen land at Westminster: but come signor, you have Tobacco, and i'll give you a Cup of Mulled-sack and we'll e'en go drink a health to our Mistresses.  Exeunt. 
Finis Act. Tertii.    

Actus Quartus.  Enter the two Ladies Piso and Knight, and Fromaga one way: Spark, Ruffell, Petoune and Fleire another way. Flo: 
Health to our best esteemed friends, Master Spark and Master Ruffell.  Fel: 
Our, good wishes ever wait upon our best beloved friends Master Ruffell, and Master Spark.  Ambo: 
we both are much indebted to your Ladyships.  Fle: 
Look ye signor, that's she: whose love means to assault your brains, since you have blown up your own sconce with Tobacco.  Pet. 
As I am truly generous, she's modest. Fair Mistress, you are so wise, that neither time nor age could ever cozen you of beauty, and I swear even by the Alps high heaven-touching tops, the travelers narrow passage, and by the towering head of high mount Chiego, the seaman's southward mark: by these the witnesses unto my travel, I do vow that you are passing fair.  From: 
If I be not fair sir, I must be foul.  Pet: 
A Foul Lady? what bird might that be?  Fro: 
A foul Lady? you're a saucy jack to call me so, that you are.  Pet. 
O be not angry, for I protest I cannot but commend the whiteness of your skin.  From: 
Mary muff, I think a be a Tanner, and means to buy me for my skin.  Pet: 
God's me; she's angry, what shall I do now signor?  Fle. 
To her again man, do not leave her, the Moon is now upon change, she will turn.  Pet: 
I pray you Lady know me by the title of some kindness.  From. 
Kindness; faith sir you are mistaken in me, you must seek your flurts some other where, and I pray come not to make a fool of me: alas man though I am a waiting-woman, do not think I spend my time in nothing but tempering of colours, working of drawn-work, warming of Smocks, and pinning in of ruffs, faith yes.  Fle: 
And you come to her signor you must come to her as country Gentlewomen do into the fashion, that is: in the tail and latter end on't.  From, 
Faith I, and ye come to begin your knavery on me, i'll take you down: I am none of your young simpering waiting-women, that are ashamed to be counted proud, & therefore suffer every Servingman to use them at their pleasure.  Pet. 
Now on my conscience Mistress, my love is honest, and I desire marriage.  Fro. 
Indeed if you mean marriage, I am content to bear the more with you: but I pray sir, when shall we be married? by my troth I ask you, because I have been so often deceived, I warrant you I have been promised & dealt upon promises in the way of marriage above an hundred times.  Pet. 
At our next meeting we will set down a day for the effecting of it.  Flo. 
Gentlemen, we have some small discourse which a little requires secrecy, therefore if it please ye to walk in, and make use of our better rooms, we will not long be absent from you.  Sp. & Ruf 
With all our hearts.  Exeunt. Manent two Ladies the Lord and Knight: Felicia, and the two Wenches disguised, hide themselves. Flo. 
Worthy Lord, do not think immodesty in me though contrary to the bashful habit of my sex, I am enforced by loves almighty power, to reveal the secrets of my heart. Your Letters have so much prevailed with me, that in a word I must confess I love you.  Fel. 
Worthy Knight, I would my words had but the power so work in you, that which your lines have done in me, then should the happy consolation of my life dwell ever in your loves embracements.  Kni. 
Assure ye Lady, your gift of love to me shall be deserved, though nothing but my lives dear breath requite its.  Piso. 
And I will rather die a shameful death, then live a hateful life, which I must do unless I find a means that may deserve your love.  Flo. 
No we your tongue goes like a well tuned Instrument, and makes my heart within my bosom dance with joy to hear such large requital of my love: but durst you to maintain this your affection, although it were with some danger of your life?  Piso. 
Durst I? I vow, even by my soul's eternity, I durst.  Flo: 
Alas, if you knew all, 'tis your own good, not mine: and yet I lie, 'tis my good too, since my life depends upon your safety.  Piso. 
What is't dear Lady? although it be the death of man, if it be pleasing unto you I'll do't.  Flo: 
O let me embrace so dear a spirit in so dear a bosom: and since you have bound yourself by promise, I will be plain, there are two that hate you two, because we love you, and often have persuaded us by gifts and large protestations to have us love them if they killed you.  Piso: 
What us?  Knight 
Who we?  Flo: 
Nay 'tis too true; for while you lived, they said there was no hope for them to look for any love from us: now we poor silly women, fearing lest they without consent of us, should do that which their hatred doth intend, we think it fit prevention first be used, by giving them to drink of what themselves have brewed.  Piso: 
First murder them.  Fel. 
True, so shall ye then be sure,  
T'enjoy our loves, we yours, and live secure.  Piso. 
But what are they Ladies?  Flo. 
Spark.  Fel. 
And Ruffell.  Pis: 
They die for't though they were my father's sons.  Kni. 
They shall not live.  Piso: 
Let little children fear the shallow Brooks, for I can swim though't be through Seas of blood; let foolish fear go dwell with women, for bloody resolution shall not part from me, I'll kill them both even with mine own hands, I'll do't.  Flo. 
O no. I'll reveal it then, unless you first do swear and take a Sacrament, whatever hap to keep our names untouched.  Piso 
Untouched? we'll do't.  Fel. 
Then for the means:  Knight 
we'll stab them.  Piso: 
we'll fight with them.  Flo: 
No, so you may miss them, and they kill you.  Fel: 
Give them a Fig.  Flo: 
Make them drink their last.  Fel. 
Poison them:  Piso 
But for the means.  Flo: 
You two shall make a banquet, and in a cup of Wine a health shall pass.  Piso: 
In which i'll mingle mingle such a dram, as they shall ride to heaven in post, unless they miss the way.  Kni. 
But where shall we get the poison? because you know 'tis dangerous, and will breed suspect where ere we buy it.  Piso. 
I have a Countryman in town an Apothecary, one signior Aluino, a fellow that is well stored, and will sell me of the best.  Nan: 
If 'a were of my mind, 'a would think no poison too good for you.  Flo 
Come then, I would have you go about the preparation of the feast.  Exeunt. Fle, 
Now boys, you have a couple of goodly masters,  Nan. 
I Fleir, and thou hast a couple of virtuous Mistresses, O they are a couple of damned pieces, that will plot or counsel the death of two such worthy Gentlemen.  Su. 
For one of them the earth did never bear a worthier creature.  Nan: 
Which is that?  Su, 
Which is that? Why sister, have you so oft confessed that his all perfectioned spirit points him out for virtue herself to imitate, and yet d'ye ask now which is that?  Fle, 
how? sister, nay now I smell you i'faith, d'ye hear, d'ye hear, whose Fiddlers are you two? what Instruments do you bear I pray?  Nan. 
You have told a wise tale, faith fir we carry none.  Fl: 
'tis true my little musicans, you carry but the cases my little curtals, i'faith I smell a smock here too, and are you two wenches i'faith?  Nan: 
If we were, I hope thou wouldest not wrong us.  Fl: 
No, as I am true Italian borne.  Su: 
Then 'tis true, we confess to thee we are both wenches, and the love of these two Gentlemen, Spark and Ruffel hath made us leave ourselves to wait on them which by misfortune we did miss.  Fle. 
But believe me my little Gallants, ye play the Boys well.  Na. 
Well? why i'll tell thee, I have played the boy so long as I am changed into the nature of a boy, i'll go to span-counter with any page in Europe, for his best garters I can tell bawdy tales, drink drunk, brag, swear, and lie with any Lackey in the town.  Su: 
I can man a punk to a play, or slander any Gentlewoman as well as any Inns a Court puny, I can as well as he, swear such a Lady is in love with me, and such a citizens Daughter would have come to bed to me, when all shall be as true as thy Ladies are honest.  Na 
I wonder thou'lt live in such a sinful place.  Su: 
Thy Ladies are as common as any Tavern door.  Fl. 
Good comparisons, for a man comes no sooner into a Tavern, but he's welcome, and the operation of the pot makes him not able to stand when he comes out.  Na, 
But what shall we do in this matter?  Su. 
Do? Why complain them to the Magistrates, and prevent the murder.  Fl, 
No, not so, i'll tell you how't shall be, hark in your ears.  Both: 
Do it and we shall ever thank thee.  
Come let's about it then.  Exeunt. Enter signor Alunio the Apothecary in his shop with wares about him. Al. 
What's this? O this is Arringus; this makes the old man able, and the young man lusty, strengtheneth the nerves & doth concoct the blood, and her name is written on the box, because my wife should know it in my absence: this is Civet, this comes from the cat's tail, I would my were such a Cat: this perfumes your Ladies, and not without cause, for some, I mean whose sweet breath is dead, and teeth mourn in black for the loss on't this makes your young Gallants smell them nine days before they see them, like young poops: this drug is precious & dear; what's this? O this is the spirit of roses, nineteen bushels and a half of Roses make but an ounce, & a dram on't, 'tis made of the Quintessence of the water after the fifteenth distillation: none may kiss a Lady after she hath anointed her lips with this, under the degree of a Lord at least, 'tis worth nine pounds an ounce, yet I could never still it so.  Enter Fleire disguised. Fle. 
Save you signor.  Alu: 
You're welcome sir, what do ye lack?  Fel. 
I want a service, and am by my profession an Apothecary, and shall be glad to be entertained by you.  Alu: 
What country man art thou?  Fle. 
I am a Florentine borne.  Alu, 
Thou art my Country man, and therefore welcome and in happy time, for I am bound for Italy, and want a man to take charge of my Shop, only this is all: I shall require of you, be careful of your cares, and obedient to your Mistress.  Fle. 
I shall remember still not to forget what you give me in charge.  Alu. 
What is thy name?  Fle, 
jacomo.  Alu: 
Well jacomo, if I find thee honest thou shalt find me liberal.  Fle. 
I would be loath to be found otherwise.  Alu: 
Continue so, I prithee, and so farewell jaques, but i'll inform my wife before I go to respect thee according to thy merit.  Exit. Enter Piso and Knight. Fle. 
Now come away my Customers, I hope I am fitted for an Apothecary s'hart I think i'm turned conjuror, for I have no sooner called, but the Devils are appeared, what do ye lack Gentlemen?  Pis. 
Where's your Master fellow?  Fle. 
My Master is gone into italy sir, but if you want any thing, i'll use you well, if you want any drugs to make Lotions, any Restringent Powders, any Aqua Mirabilis, any Cordial receipts, or any Precious poisons?  Kni. 
What poisons have you?  Fle. 
Excellent good sir, as ever was tasted, look you sir, this poisons by the smell, this by the sight, and this by the tastes.  Pis, 
Come give me some of this that poisons by the taste, but how must I use it?  Fl, 
Put it into a little wine, and drink it, 'twill bring you into a long sleep.  Pis. 
But art sure 'twill poison a man?  Fle. 
Am I sure on't? why take't upon my credit, 'twill poison any vermin, except it be a woman, for 'twill poison a Cat sir.  Knight 
Why a Cat hath nine lives sir, and wilt not poison a woman, seeing 'twill poison a Cat?  Fl. 
O no, why a woman hath nine Cats lives, a woman hath more lives than a horse hath diseases, and she will be sometimes in as many minds in an hour, as she has lives.  Pis, 
What times are those?  Fl. 
When she's left a rich merchants Widow, commonly, and hath many suitors, she will in her mind marry three or four and fifty of 'em in an afternoon, and threescore more, when she goes to bed, yet in the morning she'll have none of them all, but go to Church before day, and marry her Prentice for the good service 'a did her in her husband's time.  Pis, 
Well, but what's the price of your poison?  Fl. 
There's an ounce will cost you a French crown sir.  Knight 
'tis very dear.  Fle. 
O sir 'tis very cheap, considering the goodness on't.  Pis. 
Yea? is there good in ill?  Fl, 
O sir, ay, in many things the better the worser.  Kni. 
As how?  Fle: 
As in poison, or in a punk, for the better whore the worser woman ever.  Pis, 
Well honest fellow, there's thy money and farewell.  Exit Fle: 
I thank you sir, I have sold you a poison my old elders, 'twill make any sleep indeed, and I thank God that's the worst 'twill do, well, farewell Master Apothecary. I must now like a friend entreat your shop to have a special care of itself.  Exit. Enter Spark, Ruffell and Petoune. Ruff, 
And shall we dine with this Honourable Lord, & Knight today?  Spa, 
they'll take it unkindly else.  Ruff, 
signor will you go?  Pet., 
Not I, I was not bid.  Ruff, 
That's all one, shalt be my guest.  Sp, 
Come, 'a shall go, for there will be his Mistress Madam Fromaga.  Ruff, 
Nay then I know the jet of her complexion will draw the straw of his love thither.  Sp. 
Faith I, poor signor, I see the Springle of her beauty hath already caught the Woodcock of his affections.  Pet, 
Well, I see he that will have the commodity of good wits in his company, must endure the discommodity of jests, wit is like the heat of blood in youth 'twill break out.  Ruff, 
True signor, though it be but on a Scab, but come shall we go?  Pet: 
I my Heroic spirits, i'll follow ye.  Exeunt.  

Actus Quintus.  Enter Petoune one way, and Nan the Page another way. Nan, 
O signor Petoune, what news?  Pet. 
Faith ill news, the two Florentine Ladies, with Master Spark and Master Ruffell were all poisoned yesterday at a feast by your Lord Piso and the Knight, but the Ladies have recovered their health, but Spark and Ruffell are dead, and their burial is committed to Fleire: your Lord & the Knight are committed to prison, & shall tomorrow be arraigned for the murder, and tried by the Civil-law, because your Lord is a stranger, and claims to be tried by the law of nations.  Nan: 
Faith signor I am very sorry for my Lord.  Pet, 
I protest sir so am I for them both.  Nan, 
Well signor i'll commit you to God.  Pet, 
Let the whole band of Angels be sentinels to your safety sweet sir.  Exeunt. Enter Fleire at one door: and a Servingman at another. Fle, 
I pray sir doth justice Ferrio dwell here?  Ser, 
Yes sir 'a dwells here.  Fl. 
Are you towards him sir?  Ser. 
I am a poor Gentleman, whose fortunes much depend upon his favours, and indeed sir I am his clerk.  Fle. 
I pray sir your name.  Seru. 
My name is Mittimus sir.  Fle, 
Good Master Mittimus I would very willingly speak with your Master.  Ser. 
Indeed sir he's not well, but if you please to send by me the substance of your business I shall very carefully deliver it.  Fle, 
Truly Master Mittimus my business is but this: tomorrow the Italian Lord, and Sir john Have-little are to be arraigned, and your master being the chief judge of the Court, without this presence or licence, the rest can do nothing: wherefore Doctor Caius entreats to know his pleasure in this business.  Mitti: 
Sir I shall deliver your message, and will return his answer to you presently.  Fle: 
Good master Mittimus therein shall you much oblige me to be thankful.  
O all-directing power yield good aspect,  
And to my purpose give a blessed end,  
My intent is good, O let it so succeed,  
And be auspicious still to each good deed.  enter: Servingman with a Ring. Ser: 
Sir my master hath received your message, & hath sent this Ring as a token to Doctor Caius, desiring him, since my masters health will not permit him to be present, to proceed alone to judgement, and so commends his love to him.  Fle: 
Good master Mittimus, I shall both deliver your masters commendations, and the Ring.  Exeunt severally. Enter Lord Piso with a Torch, a Nightcap, and his Doublet open: In prison. Piso. 
Still tongueless night put off thy sable rob,  
Thou needs not mourn, my villainies were done  
By day, thou hadst no hand in them, O I am great, as is a woman that is near her time:  
And life's the burden that I bear.  
But 'tis a bastard for that I am ashamed on't.  
The Law I hope is a skilful midwife, and will soon deliver me; grim justice do thy worst,  
Thy cruelty shall prove a courtesy,  
And bail me out of prison.  
Lie there thou self-consuming Taper, true pattern of my life, I have consumed myself for others, as thou hast done for me, and now she has extinguished my life as I this light.  
O how obedient was my bounty, still  
To her command? my liberality  
Did fatten mischief, and hath made her proud:  
O that too much of any thing should be so ill in every thing  
The Suns all seeing eye, with too much untemperate heat makes wither what it made to flourish.  
The earth being mother to all wholesome herbs,  
With too much fatness oft produceth weeds.  
A suit of cloth doth keep the body warm,  
When richer garments makes the wearer proud.  
O, the means the sweetest Music;  
Contentment revels when that string is touched;  
But O, the time will come she will repent  
My death: for when she looks on vices face  
Unmask like mine; she will detest and loathe it.  
For this is truth and evermore hath been,  
None can forsake before he knows his sin.  Exit. Enter Fleir, Shark, and Ruffell. Fle. 
Come, come, thou didst but dream thou wert in hell.  Sp: 
I tell thee I was in hell.  Ruff. 
And so was I too, I'll be sworn.  Fle. 
And how long was't ere thou camest thither?  Sp. 
methought 'twas long, as long as a suit hangs here in the Law ere it be ended.  Fle: 
But I prithee how broad was the way to hell?  Sp: 
As broad as the space between two lines in a Chancery bill.  Fle. 
O sir, there's the conscience on't, say the Plaintiff be in one line, and the defendant in another, they being enemies, were't either conscience or honesty in the Clerk to thrust them no near together, that they might go together by th'ears? but i'faith what good fellowship was there in hell?  Sp: 
O the devils are excellent companions, they'll drink your Dutch captains, or Court ladies' sponges.  Fle: 
Who didst see there?  Sp. 
Faith I saw the four sons of Aymon, and they were Porters ever since there was a company made of am.  Fle. 
Why are there a company of Porters in hell?  Sp, 
O ay, the Devils are but our ape's man.  Fle, 
But didst thou see more of them that were damned?  Sp. 
Yes, I saw a Citizen damned for refusing a desperate debt, because 'twas tendered him on a Sabbath.  Fle, 
I hope we shall have no more Citizens damned for that fault.  Spar. 
There was a poor mercenary woman damned because she forsook her Trade, and turned Puritan.  Fle. 
And good reason, why could not she have kept her Trade, and been a Puritan, as well as a Puritan keep her Religion, and yet be of her Trade?  Spar. 
There was a Lady damned because she never painted: a Puritan for saying Grace without turning up the white of his eyes: A tailor for never having scabby fingers: A Vintner for making great two penniworths of Sugar. But there was a Inns of Court man damned, and I was sorry for him.  Fle. 
Why was he damned?  Sp: 
Alas for a small fault.  Fle. 
I prithee what was't?  Spar: 
For having always money in his purse.  Fle. 
Were there no Lawyers in hell?  Spar. 
There were none of your great Lawyers as your sergeant, and Benchers, for they take counsel of too many good Angels to come there: but your young puny Lawyers, they were in swarms like Gnats in Summer.  Fle, 
Why are there so many of them there?  Sp. 
Alas man they seldom converse with a good Angel scarce once in a whole Michaelmas Term, and if 'a come 'a stays not long with am to feed these souls, for they are feign to send am away straight to pay for the feeding of their Horses, there was a Chambermaid damned for keeping her virginity till she was married, and there were many Soldiers damned for saying their prayers when they were drunk.  Fl: 
But what didst thou see in hell?  Ruff, 
O, I saw a Scrivener damned for procuring a Gentleman money Gratis, but I came in an excellent time.  Fle, 
What time was't?  Ruff, 
In a gossiping time, for Proserpina was newly brought a-bed of two twins.  Fl: 
Two twins! what were they?  Ruff, 
A Sergeant and a Yeoman, but she has put them out to nurse.  Fle, 
I prithee where?  Ruff: 
Faith at the Counter in Wood-street, and the slaves will suck already like little horseleeches.  Fl: 
But when will she have am home, that she may be rid of am.  Ruff: 
Faith she's an unnatural Mother, she cares not greatly if they never come home, but the devil their Father he loves am well, he'll have am home again ere long.  Fle: 
Which is the elder Brother?  Ruff, 
O the Sergeant, the Devil allows him the better maintenance, for he has more to the dressing of his meat.  Fle. 
Well, Gentlemen, since by the heavens pleasure I have been appointed to save your lives, let me entreat you to keep yourselves secret till the sequel of this action shall need your presence.  Ruff, 
Come let's go, we'll only follow your directions.  Exeunt. Enter two judges with their train, and sit down. Jailor. 
Wil't please ye have the prisoners brought forth?  Caius. 
we can do nothing till we hear from Doctor Ferrio, to know his pleasure in these proceedings.  2. judges. 
Was any man sent to him?  Caius, 
Yes, Fleire, the Lady Florida's man, which is not yet returned.  Enter a jailor. Jailor, 
Reverend judges: here's a Doctor at door desires admittance.  Caius, 
Entreat him to come in.  Enter Fleire like a Doctor. Fle, 
Learned Doctors, Doctor Ferrio commends him to you, and because sickness hath laid so strong a hand upon his weak decrepit body, which doth detain his presence, he entreats you to accept of me in his place, and as assurance of his earnest desire thereof, he has sent this well known ring as a token to you.  Caius. 
Sir, we know the ring and you are very welcome, and so I pray assume his place.  Jailor, 
Is it your pleasure the Prisoners be brought forth.  Caius, 
ay, both of them.  Enter Piso Knight, two Ladies, two wenches, Nan and Sue, Petoune, Fromaga. Caius. 
My Lord, you are here indicted of a hateful crime, & I am very sorry to see you in this sort stand here.  Pis. 
Thrice Reverend judges, and therefore honoured Lords, I must confess, that like a skilful dancer, I have truly footed folly, yet like a learner in my course of life, trod much out of measure, I have lived like an unbacked colt proud and wanton, my tree of life hath borne more leaves than fruit, I never was debauched & steered away my days even in a sea of sin.  Caius, 
And in, that sea my Lord, you bore so great a sail as you have over set your bark of life, and here you are accused my Lord, even of a hateful crime, so is the Knight there for poisoning two Gentlemen, Spark and Ruffell, how do you answer this my Lord?  Pis. 
Alas my Lord, this is soon answered, for though that I have surfeited on sin, yet have I not been drunk with blood.  Caius: 
What say you Knight?  Knight 
The crime is great I must confess my Lord, but I am sure the proof can be but little.  Cai: 
Ladies you know most, and therefore 'tis fittest most you speak.  Fl. 
Why then my Lord, this is all we can say, this Lord and knight feasted divers of us their friends, but four of us he drenched with such a dram which soon made two discharge the debt they owed to nature.  Pis. 
O conscience wouldst thou give me leave!  Fal: 
And we no doubt my Lords, had long ere this breathed out our lives like them, but that we had the lesser quantity, for being esteemed the weaker vessels, they thought the lesser blow would break us.  Knight 
O had not death arrested me.  Fle: 
Why then my Lord, we thus must now proceed, they that spilled innocent blood themselves must bleed; but Ladies I have heard you had a man called Fleire, what's become of him?  Flo: 
He was sent to Doctor Ferrio, and we never saw him since.  Fl, 
Do you know his hand Ladies?  Fel. 
Very well.  Fle. 
I pray look here then.  Flo: 
This is his hand indeed.  Fel. 
I very perfectly do know it to be his.  Fle 
Why then upon this hand I hear arrest you both, upon your lives.  Both. 
Who, we?  Fle, 
ay, you Ladies, my Lord I pray you, read this letter.  Cai: 
Reverend judges, God will by some means punish every sin, and though against my will, yet by my conscience I am enforced to unmask my lady's villainies, the murder for which the Lord and Knight are like to die, was first plotted by them: the two Pages with myself did hear it: the Prisoners in this action, are enforced by Sacrament to be secret, and thus entreating heaven in justice, still to aid you.  
Yours Fleer a Florentine.  Caius 
Is this true my Lord?  2, judge, 
They are sworn not to reveal it,  Fle. 
But being revealed they may affirm it.  Both: 
'tis too true my Lord.  Fle, 
Where are the Pages?  Both, 
Here my Lord.  Fle. 
How say you boys to this letter?  Both, 
The letter speaks nothing but the truth.  Fle: 
Well Ladies, than we here pronounce this sentence that you must die among the rest.  Flo, 
You powers divine, I know do plainly see,  
heavens starry eyes sees all our villainy:  
And God in justice murder will reveal,  
But were I now, my life for to begin,  
I'd be an honest wife to you, wherefore forgive me dearest Lord.  Pis, 
Lady, I do even as I hope to be forgiven.  Fel. 
Show mercy heaven, my sins do thee offend,  
There's none can say he's happy till his end;  
Forgiveness Knight, and since the law on us,  
Hath laid so strict a hand, O let me be  
Thy wife before I die, and were I now  
A thousand years to live, I would be honest  
Loving none but thee.  Kni. 
I do forgive you Lady with my soul.  Enter a Messenger with Letters to Piso. Mes. 
Long live my honoured Lord and mighty Duke of Florence.  Pis, 
So 'a will, as long as't please the Hangman.  Mes, 
My honoured Lord, your Father is deceased, and the state of Florence by me hath sent their Letters and allegiance.  Pis. 
Let them call back the banished signor Antifront whom they & we, and all have wronged: O could I live but to inquire him out, in satisfaction of his wrongs, i'd marry his eldest Daughter, and whilst a lived a should be restored to his estate, but O he's—  Fleire shows himself to be Antifront, Fle. 
Here my Lord.  
I tax you to your word, signor Antifront yet lives,  
And here's his elder Daughter whom himself  
But now condemned to die: and here's the younger  
Left for you, the poisoned men are here alive again,  
Who did but dream of death, but yet do  
Live t' enrich a nuptial bed to you two,  
And now since every thing so well doth sort,  
Let all be pleased in this our comic sport,  
Where's Petoune? he shall have his Mistress too,  
He most deserves, for he did hotly woe,  
If we part friends, your hands unto us lend,  
What was not well, we'll next strive to amend.  Exeunt. Omnes 
FINIS.