THE LADY OF PLEASURE.  
A comedy, As it was Acted by her Majesty's Servants, at the private House in Drury Lane.  
Written by James Shirley.  
LONDON, Printed by Tho. Cotes, for Andrew crook, and William Cooke. 1637.   

Persons of the Comedy.  

LOrd,  
Sir Thomas Bornewell.  
Sir William Sentlove.  
Mr. Alex. Kickshaw.  
Mr. john Littleworth.  
Mr. Hairecut.  
Mr. Frederick.  
Steward to the Lady Aretina.  
Steward to the Lady Celestina.  
Secretary.  
Servants, &c.   

Aretina, Sir Thomas Bornwell's Lady.  
Celestina, a young Widow.  
Isabella.  
Mariana.  
Madam Decoy.   
Scene the Strand.   

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE RICHARD LORD LOVELACE of Hurley.  
My Lord,  
I Cannot want encouragement to present a Poem to your Lordship, while you possess so noble a breast, in which so many seeds of honour, to the example and glory of your Name obtained, before your years a happy maturity. This Comedy fortunate in the Scene, and one that may challenge a place in the first form of the author's compositions, most humbly addresseth itself to your honour, if it meet your gracious acceptance, and that you repent not to be a Patron, your Lordships will only crown the imagination, and for ever by this favour oblige,  
My Lord The most humble Services of your Honourer, JAMES Shirley.   

The Lady of Pleasure.  

The first Act.  Enter Aretina and her Steward. _STew. 
Be patient Madam, you may have your pleasure.  Are. 
'tis that I came to town for, I would not  
Endure again the country conversation,  
To be the Lady of six shires! the men  
So near the Primitive making, they retain  
A sense of nothing but the earth, their brains  
And barren heads standing as much in want  
Of ploughing as their ground, to hear a fellow  
Make himself merry and his horse with whistling  
Sellinger's round, to observe with what solemnity  
They keep their Wakes, and throw for pewter Candlesticks,  
How they become the Morris with which whose bells  
They ring all into Whitsun Ales, and sweat,  
Through twenty scarves and Napkins, till the hobby-horse  
Tire, and the maid Marrian dissolved to a jelly,  
Be kept for spoon meat.  Ste. 
These with your pardon are no Argument  
To make the country life appear so hateful,  
At least to your particular, who enjoyed  
A blessing in that calm; would you be pleased  
To think so, and the pleasure of a kingdom,  
While your own will commanded what should move  
Delights, your husband's love and power joined  
To give your life more harmony, you lived there,  
Secure, and innocent, beloved of all,  
Praised for your hospitality, and prayed for,  
You might be envied, but malice knew  
Not where you dwelled, I would not prophesy  
But leave to your own apprehension  
What may succeed your change.  Are. 
You do imagine,  
No doubt, you have talked wisely, and confuted,  
London past all defence, your Master should  
Do well to send you back into the country,  
With title of superintendent bailiff.  Ste. 
How Madam.  Are. 
Even so sir.  Ste. 
I am a Gentleman though now your servant.  Are. 
A country gentleman,  
By your affection to converse with stable,  
His tenants will advance you wit, and plump it so  
With beef and bag-pudding.  Ste. 
You may say your pleasure,  
It becomes not me dispute.  Are. 
Complain to the Lord of the soil your master.  Ste. 
Y'are a woman of an ungoverned passion, and I pity you.  Enter Sir Thomas Bornwell. Bor. 
How how? What's the matter?  Ste. 
Nothing Sir.  Bor. 
Angry sweet heart?  Are. 
I am angry with myself,  
To be so miserably restrained in things,  
Wherein it doth concern your love and honour  
To see me satisfied.  Bor. 
In what Aretina?  
Dost thou accuse me? have I not obeyed  
All thy desires, against mine own opinion,  
Quit the country, and removed the hope  
Of our return, by sale of that fair Lordship  
We lived in, changed a calm and retire life  
For this wild town, composed of noise and charge.  Are. 
What charge more than is necessary,  
For a Lady of my birth and education?  Bor. 
I am not ignorant, how much Nobility  
Flows in your blood, your kinsmen great and powerful,  
it'h State, but with this lose not your memory  
Of being my wife, I shall be studious  
Madam to give the dignity of your birth  
All the best ornaments which become my fortune  
But would not flatter it, to ruin both,  
And be the fable of the town, to teach  
Other men loss of wit by mine, employed  
To serve your  expenses.  Are. 
Am I then  
Brought in the balance? so Sir.  Bo. 
Though you weigh  
Me in a partial scale my heart is honest,  
And must take liberty to think you have  
Obeyed no modest counsel to effect,  
Nay study ways of pride and costly ceremony,  
Your change of gaudy furniture and pictures,  
Of this Italian Master, and that Dutchman's,  
Your mighty looking-glasses like Artillery;  
Brought whom on Engines, the superfluous plate,  
Antic and novel, vanities of tires,  
fourscore pound suppers for my Lord your kinsman,  
Banquets for other Lady, aunt, and cousins,  
And perfumes that exceed all train of servants,  
To stifle us at home and show abroad  
More motley than the French, or the Venetian,  
About your Coach whose rude postilion  
Must pester every narrow lane, till passengers  
And tradesmen curse your choking up their stalls;  
And common cries pursue your Ladyship,  
For hindering o'their market.  Are. 
Have you done sir.  Bor. 
I could accuse the gaiety of your wardrobe,  
And prodigal embroideries under which  
Rich satins, Plushes, cloth of Silver, dare  
Not show their own complexions, your jewels  
Able to burn out the Spectators eyes,  
And show like Bonfires on you by the tapers,  
Something might here be spared, which safely of  
Your birth and honour, since the truest wealth,  
Shines from the soul, and draws up just admirers,  
I could urge something more:  Are. 
Pray do I like  
Your homily of thrift.  Bo. 
I could wish Madam  
You would not game so much.  Are. 
A gamester too?  Bor. 
But are not come to that repentance yet,  
Should teach you skill enough to raise your profit,  
You look not through the subtlety of Cards,  
And mysteries of Dice, nor can you save  
Charge with the box, buy petticoats and purls,  
And keep your family by the precious income,  
Nor do I wish you should, my poorest servant  
Shall not upbraid my tables, nor his hire  
Purchased beneath my honour, you make play  
Not a Pastime but a tyranny, and vex  
yourself and my estate by't.  Are. 
Good, proceed.  Bor. 
Another game you have, which consumes more  
Your fame than purse, your revels in the night,  
Your meetings called the Ball, to which appear,  
As to the Court of Pleasure, all your gallants,  
And Ladies thither bound by a subpoena  
Of Venus, and small Cupid's high displeasure,  
'tis but the family of love translated  
Into more costly sin, there was a play on't,  
And had the Poet not been bribed to a modest  
Expression of your Antic gambols in't,  
Some darks had been discovered, and the deeds too,  
In time he may repent and make some blush,  
To see the second part danced on the Stage;  
My thoughts acquit you for dishonouring me  
By any foul act, but the virtuous know,  
'tis not enough to clear ourselves, but the  
Suspicions of our shame.  Are. 
Have you concluded  
Your lecture?  Bor. 
I ha' done, and howsoever  
My language may appear to you, it carries  
No other than my fair and just intent  
To your delights without curb to their modest,  
And noble freedom.  Are. 
I'll not be so tedious,  
In my reply, but without art or elegance,  
Assure you I keep still my first opinion,  
And though you veil, your avaricious meaning  
With handsome names of modesty, and thrift,  
I find you would entrench and wound the liberty  
I was borne with, were my desires unprivileged  
By example, while my judgement thought 'em fit,  
You ought not to oppose, but when the practice  
And tract of every honourable Lady,  
authorize me, I take it great injustice,  
To have my pleasures circumscribed, and taught me,  
A narrow minded husband is a thief  
To his own fame, and his preferment too,  
He shuts his parts and fortunes from the world,  
While from the popular vote and knowledge men  
Rise to employment in the state.  Bor. 
I have  
No great ambition to buy preferment  
At so dear rate.  Are. 
Nor I to sell my honour,  
By living poor and sparingly, I was not  
Bred in that ebb of fortune, and my fate  
Shall not compel me to't.  Bor. 
I know not Madam,  
But you pursue these ways.  Are. 
What ways?  Bor. 
In the strict sense of honesty I dare  
Make oath, they are Innocent.  Are. 
Do not divert,  
By busy troubling of your brain, those thoughts  
That should preserve 'em.  Bor. 
How was that?  Are. 
'tis English.  Bor. 
But carries some unkind sense.  Enter Madam Decoy. De. 
Good morrow my sweet Madam.  Are. 
Decoy welcome, this visit is a favour.  De. 
Alas sweet Madam, I cannot stay, I came  
But to present my service to your Ladyship;  
I could not pass by your door, but I must take  
The boldness to tender my respects.  Are. 
You oblige me Madam, but I must  
Not dispense so with your absence.  De. 
Alas, the Coach Madam stays for me at the door.  Are. 
Thou sha'tcommand mine, prithee sweet Decoy.  De. 
I would wait on you Madam, but I have many  
Visits to make this morning I beseech.  Are. 
So you will promise to dine with me.  De. 
I shall  
Present a guest.  Are. 
Why then good morrow Madam.  De. 
A happy day shine on your Ladyship. Exit.  Enter Steward. Are. 
What's your news sir?  St. 
Madam two gentlemen.  Are. 
What gentlemen? Have they no names.  St. 
They are  
The gentleman with his own head of hair,  
Whom you commended for his horsemanship  
In Hide Park, and becoming the saddle  
The other day.  Are. 
What circumstance is this,  
To know him by.  St. 
His names at my tongue's end,  
He liked the fashion of your pearl chain Madam,  
And borrowed it for his Jeweller to take  
A copy by it.  Bor. 
What cheating gallants this?  St. 
That never walks without a Lady's busk,  
And plays with fans Mr. Alexander Kickshaw,  
I thought I should remember him.  Are. 
What's the other?  St. 
What an unlucky memory I have?  
The gallant that still danceth in the street,  
And wears a gross of Ribbon in his hat,  
That carries Oringado in his pocket,  
And Sugarplumbs to sweeten his discourse,  
That studies compliment, defies all wit  
On black, and censures plays that are not bawdy,  
Mr. john littleworth.  Are. 
They are welcome, but  
Pray entertain them a small time, lest I  
Be unprovided.  Bor. 
Did they ask for me?  Ste. 
No sir.  Bor. 
It matters not, they must be welcome.  Are. 
Fie, how's this hair disordered? here's a curl,  
Straddle most impiously, I must to my closet. Exit.  Bor. 
Wait on 'em: my Lady will return again,  
I have to such a height fulfilled her humour,  
All applications dangerous, these gallants  
Must be received or she will fall into  
A tempest, and the house be shaken with names  
Of all her kindred, 'tis a servitude,  
I may in time shake off.  Enter Alexander and Littleworth. Al. Lit. 
Save you Sir Thomas.  Bor. 
Save you gentlemen.  Al. 
I kiss your hand.  Bor. 
What day is it abroad?  Lit. 
The morning rises from your Lady's eye,  
If she look clear, we take the happy omen  
Of a fair day.  Bo. 
she'll instantly appear,  
To the discredit of your compliment,  
But you express your wit thus.  Al. 
And you modesty,  
Not to affect the praises of your own.  Bor. 
Leaving this subject, what games now on foot?  
What exercise carries the general vote?  
o'th' town now nothing moves without your knowledge,  Al. 
The cocking now has all the noise, I'll have  
A hundred pieces of one battle, Oh,  
These birds of Mars!  Lit. 
Venus is Mars his bird too.  Al. 
Why and the pretty Doves are Venusses,  
To show that kisses draw the Chariot.  Lit. 
I am for that skirmish.  Bor. 
When shall we have  
More Booths and Bagpipes upon Bansted downs,  
No mighty race is expected, but my Lady returns.  Enter Aretina. Are. 
Fair morning to you gentlemen,  
You went not late to bed by your early visit,  
You do me honour.  Al. 
It becomes our service.  Are. 
What news abroad? you hold precious intelligence.  Lit. 
All tongues are so much busy with your praise,  
They have not time to frame other discourse,  
Will please you Madam? taste a sugar-plum.  Bor. 
What does the Goldsmith think the Pearl is worth.  
You borrowed of my Lady?  Al. 
'tis a rich one.  Bor. 
She has many other toys whose fashion you,  
Will like extremely, you have no intention  
To buy any of her jewels.  Al. 
Understand me.  Bor. 
You had rather sell perhaps, but leaving this,  
I hope you'll dine with us.  Al. 
I came a purpose.  Are. 
And where were you last night?  Al. 
I Madam? where  
I slept not, it had been sin where so much  
Delight and beauty was to keep me waking,  
There is a Lady Madam will be worth  
Your free society, my conversation  
ne'er knew so elegant and brave a soul,  
With most incomparable flesh and blood,  
So spirited, so Courtly speaks the Languages,  
Sings, Dances, plays o'th' Lute to admiration,  
Is fair and paints not, games too, keeps a table,  
And talks most witty Satire, has a wit  
Of a clean Mercury.  Lit. 
Is she married?  Al. 
No.  Are. 
A Virgin?  Al. 
Neither.  Lit. 
What a widow? something.  
Of this wide commendation might have been  
Excused, this such a prodigy?  Al. 
Repent  
Before I name her, she did never see  
Yet full sixteen, an age in the opinion  
Of wise men not contemptible, she has  
Mourned out her year too for the honest Knight  
That had compassion of her youth, and died  
So timely, such a widow is not common,  
And now she shines more fresh and tempting  
Then any natural Virgin.  Are. 
What's her name?  Al. 
she was Christened Celestina, by her husband  
The Lady Bellamour, this Ring was hers.  Bor. 
You borrowed it to copy out the Posy.  Al. 
Are they not pretty Rubies? 'twas a grace  
She was pleased to show me, that I might have one  
Made of the same fashion, for I love  
All pretty forms.  Are. 
And is she glorious?  Al. 
She is full of Jewels Madam, but I am  
Most taken with the bravery of her mind,  
Although her garments have all grace and ornament.  Are. 
You have been high in praises.  Al. 
I come short,  
No flattery can reach her.  Bor. 
Now my Lady  
Is troubled as she feared to be eclipsed,  
This news will cost me somewhat.  Are. 
You deserve  
Her favour for this noble character.  Al. 
And I possess it by my stars benevolence.  Are. 
You must bring us acquainted.  Bo. 
I pray do sir.  
I long to see her too, Madam I have  
Thought upon't and corrected my opinion,  
Pursue what ways of pleasure your desires  
Incline you too, not only with my state,  
But with my person I will follow you,  
I see the folly of my thrift, and will  
Repent in Sack and prodigality  
To your own hearts content.  Are. 
But do not mock.  Bor. 
Take me to your embraces gentlemen  
And tutor me.  Lit. 
And will you kiss the Ladies?  Bor. 
And sing and dance, I long to see this beauty,  
I wood fain lose a hundred pounds at dice now,  
Thou sha'thave another gown and petticoat,  
Tomorrow will you sell my running horses?  
We have no Greek wine in the house I think,  
Pray send one of our footmen to the Merchant,  
And throw the hogsheads of march-beer into  
The kennel, to make room for Sacks and claret,  
What think you to be drunk yet before dinner?  
We will have constant music and maintain  
Them and their Fiddles in fantastic liveries,  
I'll tune my voice to catches, I must have  
My dining room enlarged to invite Ambassadors,  
we'll feast the parish in the fields, and teach  
The Military men new discipline,  
Who shall charge all their new Artillery  
With oranges and lemons, boy to play  
All dinner upon our capons.  Al. 
he's exalted.  Bor. 
I will do any thing to please my Lady,  
Let that suffice and kiss oath same condition,  
I am converted, do not you dispute  
But patiently allow the miracle. Enter Servant.  Are. 
I am glad to hear you sir in so good tune.  Ser. 
Madam the Painter.  Are. 
I am to sit this morning.  Bor. 
Do, while I give new directions to my Steward.  Al. 
With your favour we'll wait on you, sit's but  
A melancholy exercise without  
Some company to discourse.  Are. 
It does conclude  
A Lady's morning work, we rise, make fine,  
Sit for our Picture, and 'tis time to dine.  Lit. 
pray's forgot.  Al. 
'tis out of fashion. Exeunt.  Enter Celestina and her Steward. Cel. 
Fie, what an air this room has.  St. 
'tis perfumed.  Cel. 
With some cheap stuff is it your wisdom's thrift  
To infect my nostrils thus? Or is't to favour  
The Gout in your worship's hand? You are afraid  
To exercise your pen in your account Book?  
Or do you doubt my credit to discharge  
Your bills.  St. 
Madam, I hope you have not found  
My duty with the guilt of sloth or jealousy,  
Unapt to your command.  Cel. 
You can extenuate  
Your faults with language sir, but I expect  
To be obeyed; What hangings have we here?  St. 
They are Arras Madam.  Cel. 
Impudence I know't,  
I will have fresher and more rich, not wrought  
With faces that may scandalize a Christian  
With jewish stories stuffed with Corn and Camels,  
You had best wrap all my chambers in wild Irish,  
And make a nursery of Monsters here,  
To fright the Ladies comes to visit me.  St. 
Madam I hope.  Cel. 
I say I will have other,  
Good Master Steward of a finer loom,  
Some silk and silver if your worship please,  
To let me be at so much cost I'll have  
Stories to fit the seasons of the year,  
And change as often as I please.  St. 
You shall Madam.  Cel. 
I am bound to your consent forsooth, and is  
My coach brought home?  St. 
This morning I expect it.  Cel. 
The inside as I gave direction,  
Of crimson plush.  St. 
Of crimson Camel plush.  Cel. 
Ten thousand moths consum't, shall I ride through  
The streets in penance wrapped up round in hair cloth,  
Sel't to an Alderman, 'twill serve his wife  
To go a feasting to their country house,  
Or fetch a Merchant's Nurse child, and come home  
Laden with fruit and Cheese cakes; I despise it.  St. 
The nails adorn it Madam, set in method  
And pretty forms.  Cel. 
But single guilt I warrant.  St. 
No Madam.  Cel. 
Another Solecism, oh fie,  
This fellow will bring me to a Consumption  
With fretting at his ignorance, some Lady  
Had rather never pray, than go to Church in't;  
The nails not double guilt? to market wilt,  
'twill hackney out to Mile-end, or convey  
Your city tumblers to be drunk with Cream  
And Prunes at Islington.  St. 
Good Madam hear me.  Cel. 
I'll rather be beholding to my Aunt  
The Countess for her mourning coach, then be  
Disparaged so, shall any juggling tradesman  
Be at charge to shoe his running horse with gold,  
And shall my coach nails be but single guilt?  
How dare these knaves abuse me so?  St. 
Vouchsafe  
To hear me speak.  Cel. 
Is my Sedan yet finished?  
And liveries for my men-Mules according  
As I gave charge.  St. 
Yes Madam it is finished,  
But without tilting plumes at the four corners,  
The scarlet's pure, but not embroidered.  Cel. 
What mischief were it to your conscience  
Were my coach lined with tissue, and my harness  
Covered with needlework? if my Sedan  
Had all the story of the Prodigal,  
Embroidered with pearl.  St. 
Alas good Madam,  
I know 'tis your own cost, I am but your Steward,  
And would discharge my duty the best way,  
You have been pleased to hear me, 'tis not for  
My profit, that I manage your estate,  
And save expense, but for your honour Madam.  Cel. 
How sir, my honour?  St. 
Though you hear it not  
Men's tongues are liberal in your character,  
Since you began to live thus high, I know  
Your fame is precious to you.  Cel. 
I were best  
Make you my governor; audacious Varlet,  
How dare you interpose your doting counsel?  
Mind your affairs with more obedience,  
Or I shall ease you of an office sir,  
Must I be limited to please your honour?  
Or for the vulgar breath confine my pleasures,  
I will pursue'em in what shapes I fancy,  
Here, and abroad, my entertainments shall  
Be oftener, and more rich, who shall control me?  
I live i'th' strand, whether few Ladies come  
To live, and purchase, more than fame, I will  
Be hospitable then, and spare no cost  
That may engage all generous report  
To trumpet forth my bounty and my bravery,  
Till the Court envy, and remove, I'll have  
My house the Academy of wits, who shall  
Exalt with rich Sack, and Sturgeon,  
Write Panegyrics of my feasts, and praise  
The method of my witty superfluities,  
The horses shall be taught with frequent waiting  
Upon my gates, to stop in their career  
Toward Charing-Cross, spite of the coachman's fury.  
And not a tilter, but shall strike his plume,  
When he fails by my window, my Balcony  
Shall be the courtier's Idol, and more gazed at,  
Than all the Pageantry at Temple bar,  
By country Clients.  St. 
Sure my lady's mad.  Cel. 
Take that for your ill manners.  St. 
Thank you Madam,  
I would there were less quicksilver in your fingers. Exit.  Cel. 
There's more than simple honesty in a servant  
Requir'd to his full duty, none should dare,  
But with a look, much less a saucy language  
check at their Mistress pleasure, I'm resolved  
To pay for some delight, my estate will bear it,  
I'll rein it shorter when I please.  Enter Steward. St. 
A gentleman  
Desires to speak with your Ladyship.  Cel. 
His name?  St. 
He says you know him not, he seems to be  
Of quality.  Cel. 
Admit him. Sir with me.  Enter Hairecut. Ha. 
Madam I know not, how you may receive  
This boldness from me, but my fair intents  
Known, will incline you to be charitable.  Cel. 
No doubt sir.  Ha. 
He must live obscurely Madam,  
That hath not heard what virtues you possess,  
And I a poor admirer of your fame,  
Am come to kiss your hand.  Cel. 
That all your business?  Ha. 
Though it were worth much travel, I have more  
In my ambition.  Cel. 
Speak it freely sir.  Ha. 
You are a widow.  Cel. 
So.  Ha. 
And I a Bachelor.  Cel. 
You come a-wooing sir, and would perhaps  
Show me a way to reconcile these two.  Ha. 
And bless my stars for such a happiness.  Cel. 
I like you sir the better, that you do not  
Wander about, but shoot home to the meaning,  
'tis a confidence will make a man  
Know sooner what to trust to, but I never  
Saw you before, and I believe you come not  
With hope to find me desperate upon marriage,  
If maids out of their ignorance of what  
Men, are refuse these offers, widows may  
Out of their knowledge be allowed some coyness,  
And yet I know not how much happiness  
A peremptory answer may deprive me of,  
You may be some young Lord, and though I see not  
Your footmen and your groom, they may not be  
Far off in conference with your horse, please you  
To instruct me with your title, against which  
I would not willingly offend.  Ha. 
I am  
A gentleman, my name is Hairecut madam.  Cel. 
Sweet Mr. Hairecut, are you a Courtier?  Ha. 
Yes  Cel. 
I did think so by your confidence,  
Not to detain you sir with circumstance,  
I was not so unhappy in my husband  
But that 'tis possible I may be a wife  
Again, but I must tell you, he that wins  
My affection shall deserve me.  Ha. 
I will hope  
If you can love, I sha'not present Madam  
An object to displease you in my person,  
And when time, and your patience shall possess you  
With further knowledge of me, and the truth  
Of my devotion, you will not repent  
The offer of my service.  Cel. 
You say well.  
How long do you imagine you can love sir?  
Is it a Quotidian, or will it hold  
But every other day?  Ha. 
You are pleasant Madam.  Cel. 
Dost take you with a burning at the first,  
Or with a cold fit, for you gentlemen  
Have both your Summer, and your Winter service.  Ha. 
I am ignorant what you mean, but I shall never  
Be cold in my affection to such beauty.  Cel. 
And 'twill be somewhat long ere I be warm in't.  Ha. 
If you vouchsafe me so much honour Madam,  
That I may wait on you sometimes, I sha'not  
Despair to see a change.  Cel. 
But now I know  
Your mind, you shall not need to tell it, when  
You come again, I shall remember it.  Ha. 
You make me fortunate. Enter Steward.  St. 
Madam your kinswomen  
The Lady Novice and her sister are  
New lighted from their coach.  Cel. 
I did expect 'em,  
They partly are my pupils, I'll attend 'em.  Ha. 
Madam I have been too great a trespasser  
Upon your patience, I'll take my leave,  
You have affairs, and I have some employment  
Calls me to Court, I shall present again  
A servant to you.  Cel. 
Sir you may present, Exit. Ha.  
But not give fire I hope, now to the Ladies  
This recreation's passed, the next must be  
To read to them some Court Philosophy. Exeunt.   

The second Act.  Enter sir Thomas Bornewell. 
'tis a strange humour I have undertaken  
To dance, and play, and spend as fast as she does,  
But I am resolved, it may do good upon her,  
And fright her into thrift, nay I'll endeavour  
To make her jealous too, if this do not  
Allay her gambolling, she's past a woman  
And only a miracle must tame her.  Enter Steward. St. 
'tis Mr. Frederick my Lady's nephew.  Bo. 
What of him?  St. 
Is come from the University.  Bo. 
By whose directions?  St. 
It seems my Ladies.  Bo. 
Let me speak with him  
Before he see his Aunt, I do not like it.  Enter Mr. Frederick. 
Mr. Frederick welcome I expected not  
So soon your presence, what's the hasty cause?  Fr. 
These letters from my Tutor will acquaint you.  St. 
Welcome home sweet Mr. Frederick.  Fr. 
Where's my Aunt?  St. 
she's busy about her painting, in her closet,  
The Outlandish man of Art, is copying out  
Her countenance.  Fr. 
She is sitting for her picture.  St. 
Yes sir, and when 'tis drawn, she will be hanged  
Next the French Cardinal in the dining room,  
But when she hears you're come, she will dismiss  
The Belgic gentleman to entertain  
Your worship.  Fr. 
Change of air has made you witty.  Bo. 
Your Tutor gives you a handsome character  
Frederick, and is sorry your aunt's pleasure  
Commands you from your studies, but I hope  
You have no quarrel to the liberal arts,  
Learning is an addition beyond  
Nobility of birth, honour of blood  
Without the ornament of knowledge is  
A glorious ignorance.  Fr. 
I never knew more sweet and happy hours  
Than I employed upon my books, I heard  
A part of my Philosophy, and was so  
Delighted with the harmony of nature,  
I could have wasted my whole life upon't.  Bo. 
'tis pity a rash indulgence should corrupt  
So fair a Genius, she's here, I'll observe.  Enter Aretina, Alexander. Littleworth. Steward. Fr. 
My most loved Aunt.  Are. 
Support me, I shall faint.  Lit. 
What ails your Ladyship?  Are. 
Is that Frederick,  
In black.  Alex. 
Yes Madam, but the doublets Satin.  Are. 
The boy's undone.  Fre. 
Madam you appear troubled.  Are. 
Have I not cause? Was not I trusted with  
Thy education boy, and have they sent thee  
Home like a very scholar.  Alex. 
'twas ill done  
howe'er they used him in the University,  
To send him to his friends thus.  Fre. 
Why sir, black  
(I or 'tis the colour that offends your eyesight)  
Is not within my reading any blemish,  
Sables are no disgrace in Heraldry.  Alex. 
'tis coming from the College thus, that makes it  
Dishonourable, while you wore it for  
Your father, it was commendable, or were  
Your Aunt dead, you might mourn and justify.  Are. 
What luck I did not send him into France,  
They would have given him generous education,  
Taught him another garb to wear his lock,  
And shape, as gawdy as the Summer, how  
To dance, and wag his feather ala mode,  
To compliment, and cringe, to talk not modestly  
Like I forsooth, and no forsooth, to blush  
And look so like a Chaplain, there he might  
Have learned a brazen confidence, and observed  
So well the custom of the country, that  
He might by this time have invented fashions  
For us, and been a benefit to the Kingdom  
Preserved our Tailors in their wits, and saved  
The charge of sending into foreign Courts  
For pride and antic fashions, observe,  
In what a posture he does hold his hat now.  Fr. 
Madam with your pardon, you have practised  
Another dialect then was taught me when  
I was commended to your care and breeding,  
I understand not this, Latin or Greek  
Are more familiar to my apprehension,  
Logic was not so hard in my first lectures  
As your strange language.  Are. 
Some strong waters, oh!  Lit. 
Comfits will be as comfortable to your stomach Madam.  Are. 
I fear he's spoilt forever, he did name  
Logic, and may for aught I know be gone  
So far to understand it, I did always  
Suspect they would corrupt him in the College,  
Will your Greek saws and sentences discharge  
The Mercer, or is Latin a fit language  
To court a mistress in? Mr. Alexander  
If you have any charity, let me  
Commend him to your breeding, I suspect  
I must employ my Doctor first, to purge.  
The University that lies in's head  
It altars his complexion.  Alex. 
If you dare  
Trust me to serve him.  Are. 
Mr. Littleworth  
Be you joined in commission.  Lit. 
I will teach him  
Postures and rudiments.  Are. 
I have no patience  
To see him in this shape, it turns my stomach,  
When he has cast his Academic skin  
He shall be yours, I am bound in conscience  
To see him bred, his own state shall maintain  
The charge, while he's my Ward, come hither sir.  Fr. 
What does my Aunt mean to do with me?  St. 
To make you a fine gentleman, and translate you  
Out of your learned language sir, into  
The present Goth and Vandal, which is French.  Bo. 
Into what mischief will this humour ebb?  
She will undo the boy, I see him ruined,  
My patience is not manly, but I must  
Use stratagem to reduce her, open ways  
Give me no hope. Exit.  St. 
You shall be obeyed Madam. Exeunt.  Fr. 
Mr. Steward, are you sure we do not dream?  
Was't not my Aunt you talked to.  St. 
One that loves you  
Dear as her life, these clothes do not become you,  
You must have better sir.  Fr. 
These are not old.  St. 
More suitable to the town and time, we keep  
No Lent here, nor is't my Lady's pleasure you  
Should fast from any thing you have a mind to,  
Unless it be your learning, which she would have you  
Forget with all convenient speed that may be,  
For the credit of your noble family,  
The case is altered since we lived i'th' country,  
We do not invite the poor o'th' parish  
To dinner, keep a table for the tenants,  
Our kitchen does not smell of beef, the cellar  
Defies the price of malt and hops, the footmen  
And coachdrivers may be drunk like gentlemen  
With wine, nor will three Fiddlers upon holidays  
With aid of Bag pipes, that called in the country  
To dance, and plough the hall up with their hobnails,  
Now make my Lady merry, we do feed  
Like princes, and feast nothing but princes,  
And are these robes fit to be seen amongst 'em.  Fr. 
My Lady keeps a court then, is Sir Thomas  
Affected with this state and cost.  Ste. 
He was not,  
But is converted, and I hope you won't  
Persist in heresy, but take a course  
Of riot to content your friends, you shall  
Want nothing, if you can be proud and spend it  
For my Lady's honour, here are a hundred  
Pieces, will serve you till you have new clothes,  
I will present you with a nag of mine  
Poor tender of my service, please you accept,  
My lady's smile more than rewards me for it,  
I must provide fit servants to attend you,  
monsieurs for horse and foot.  Fr. 
I shall submit  
If this be my aunt's pleasure and be ruled  
My eyes are opened with this purse already,  
And Sack will help to inspire me, I must spend it,  St, 
What else sir?  Fr. 
I'll begin with you, to encourage  
You, to have still a special care of me,  
There is five pieces, not for your nag.  St. 
No sir, I hope it is not.  Fr. 
Buy a Beaver  
For thy own block, I shall be ruled, who does  
Command the wine-cellar?  St. 
Who command but you sir?  Fr. 
I'll try to drink a health or two, my Ants  
Or anybody's, and if that foundation  
Stagger me not too much, I will commence  
In all the arts of London.  St. 
If you find sir  
The operation of the wine, exalt  
Your blood to the desire of any female  
Delight, I know your Aunt won't deny  
Any of her chambermaids to practise on,  
She loves you but too well.  Fr. 
I know not how  
I may be for that exercise, farewell Aristotle,  
Prithee commend me to the Library  
At Westminster, my bones I bequeath thither,  
And to the learned worms that mean to visit 'em,  
I will compose myself, I begin to think  
I have lost time indeed, come to the wine-cellar. Exit.  Enter Celestina, Mardana, Isabella, Ma. 
But shall we not Madam expose ourselves  
To censure for this freedom.  Cel. 
Let them answer  
That dare mistake us, shall we be so much  
Cowards to be frighted from our pleasure,  
Because men have malicious tongues, and show  
What miserable souls they have, no cozen,  
We hold our life and fortunes, upon no  
Man's charity, if they dare show so little  
Discretion to traduce our fames, we will  
Be guilty of so much wit to laugh at 'em.  Is. 
'tis a becoming fortitude.  Cel. 
My stars  
Are yet kind to me, for in a happy minute  
Be't spoke, I'm not in love, and men shall never.  
Make my heart lean with sighing, nor with tears  
Draw on my eyes the infamy of spectacles,  
'tis the chief principle to keep your heart  
Under your own obedience, jest, but love not,  
I say my prayers yet, can wear good clothes,  
And only satisfy my tailor for 'em.  
I won't lose my privilege.  Ma. 
And yet they say your entertainments are,  
Give me your pardon Madam, to proclaim  
yourself a widow, and to get a husband.  Cel. 
As if a Lady of my years, some beauty  
Left by her husband rich, that had mourned for him  
A twelvemonth too, could live so obscure i'th' town  
That gallants would not know her, and invite  
Themselves without her chargeable proclamations,  
Than we are worse than Citizens, no widow  
Left wealthy can be throughly warm in mourning,  
But some one noble blood or lusty kindred  
Claps in, with his gilt coach, and Flandrian trotters,  
And hurries her away to be a Countess.  
courtier's have spies, and great ones with large titles,  
Cold in their own estates, would warm themselves  
At a rich city bonfire.  Is. 
Most true Madam.  Cel. 
No matter for corruption of the blood,  
Some undone Courtier made her husband rich,  
And this new Lord receives it back again.  
Admit it were my policy, and that  
My entertainments pointed to acquaint me  
With many suitors, that I might be safe,  
And make the best election, could you blame me?  Ma. 
Madam 'tis wisdom.  Cel. 
But I should be  
In my thoughts miserable to be fond  
Of leaving the sweet freedom I possess,  
And court myself into new marriage fetters,  
I now observe men's several wits, and windings,  
And can laugh at their follies.  Ma. 
You have given  
A most ingenious satisfaction.  Cel. 
One thing I'll tell you more, and this I give you  
Worthy your imitation from my practice,  
You see me merry, full of song and dancing,  
Pleasant in language, apt to all delights  
That crown a public meeting, but you cannot  
Accuse me of being prodigal of my favours  
To any of my guests, I do not summon  
By any wink, a gentleman to follow me,  
To my withdrawing chamber, I hear all  
Their pleas in Court, nor can they boast abroad  
And do me justice, after a salute  
They have much conversation with my lip,  
I hold the kissing of my hand a courtesy,  
And he that loves me, must upon the strength  
Of that, expect till I renew his favour.  
Some Ladies are so expensive in their graces,  
To those that honour 'em, and so prodigal  
That in a little time, they have nothing but  
The naked sin left to reward their servants,  
Whereas a thrift in our rewards, will keep  
Men long in their devotion, and preserve  
ourselves in stock, to encourage those that honour us.  Is. 
This is an art worthy a lady's practise.  Cel. 
It takes not from the freedom of our mirth,  
But seems to advance it, when we can possess  
Our pleasures with security of our honour,  
And that preserved, I welcome all the joys  
My fancy can let in. In this I have given  
The copy of my mind, nor do I blush,  
You understand it. Enter Celestina's gentlewoman.  Is. 
You have honoured us.  Gen. 
Madam, Sir William Sentlove's come to wait on you.  Cel. 
There's one would be a client, make excuse  
For a few minutes.  Mar. 
One that comes a-wooing?  Cel. 
Such a thing he would seem, but in his guiltiness  
Of little land, his expectation is not  
So valiant as it might be, he wears clothes,  
And feeds with noblemen, to some I hear  
No better than a wanton emissary,  
Or scout for Venus' wild foul, which made tame,  
He thinks no shame to stand court centinel,  
In hope of the reversion.  Mar. 
I have heard  
That some of them are often my Lords tasters,  
The first fruits they condition for, and will  
Exact as fees for the promotion.  Cel. 
Let them agree, there's no account shall lie  
For me among their traffic.  Enter Gentlewo. Gen. 
Mr. Hairecut Madam  
Is new come in, to tender you his service.  Cel. 
Let him discourse a little with sir William. Exit.  Ma. 
What is this gentleman Mr. Hairecut Madam?  
I note him very gallant, and much courted  
By gentlemen of quality.  Cel. 
I know not  
More than a trim gay man, he has some great office  
Sure by his confident behaviour,  
He would be entertained under the title  
Of servant to me, and I must confess,  
He is the sweetest of all men that visit me.  Is. 
How mean you Madam?  Cel. 
He is full of powder,  
He will save much in perfume for my chamber,  
Were he but constant here; give 'em access.  Enter Sir Will. Sentlove, Mr. Hairecut. Sent. 
Madam the humblest of your servants is  
Exalted to a happiness, if you smile  
Upon my visit.  Ha. 
I must beg your charity  
Upon my rudeness Madam, I shall give  
That day up lost to any happiness,  
When I forget to tender you my service.  Cel. 
You practise Courtship gentlemen.  Sent. 
But cannot  
Find where with more desert to exercise it,  
What lady's this I pray?  Cel. 
A kinswoman  
Of mine sir William.  Sent. 
I am more her servant,  Cel. 
You came from Court, now I presume.  Ha. 
'tis Madam  
The sphere I move in, and my destiny  
Was kind to place me there, where I enjoy  
All blessings that a mortal can possess,  
That lives not in your presence, and I should  
Fix my ambition, when you would vouchsafe  
Me so much honour, to accept from me  
An humble entertainment there.  Cel. 
But by  
What name shall I be known, in what degree  
Shall I be of kindred to you.  Hair. 
How mean you Madam?  Cel. 
Perhaps you'll call me sister, I shall take it  
A special preferment, or it may be  
I may pass under title of your Mistress,  
If I seem rich, and fair enough, to engage  
Your confidence to own me.  Ha. 
I would hope.  Cel. 
But 'tis not come to that yet, you will sir  
Excuse my mirth.  Ha. 
Sweet Madam.  Cel. 
Shall I take  
Boldness to ask what place you hold in Court?  
'tis an uncivil curiosity,  
But you'll have mercy to a woman's question.  Ha. 
My present condition Madam, carries  
Honour and profit, though not to be named  
With that employment I expect i'th' state  
Which shall discharge the first maturity  
Upon your knowledge, until than I beg  
You allow a modest silence.  Cel. 
I am charmed sir,  
And if you scape ambassador, you cannot  
Reach a preferment, wherein I'm against you,  
But where's sir William Sentlove?  Ha. 
Give him leave  
To follow his nose Madam, while he hunts  
In view, he'll soon be at a fault.  Cel. 
You know him.  Ha. 
Know Sentlove? not a page but can decipher him,  
The waiting women know him to a scruple,  
he's called the Blistermaker of the town.  Cel. 
What's that?  Is. 
The laundry Ladies can resolve you,  
And you may guess, an arrant Epicure  
As this day lives, borne to a pretty wit,  
A Knight but no gentleman, I must  
Be plain to you, your Ladyship may have  
Use of this knowledge, but conceal the author.  Sen. 
I kiss your fairest hand.  Mar. 
You make a difference,  
Pray reconcile 'em to an equal whiteness.  Sent. 
You wound my meaning Lady.  Cel. 
Nay sir William  
Has the art of compliment.  Sent. 
Madam, you honour me  
'Bove my desert of language.  Cel. 
Will you please  
To enrich me with your knowledge of that gentleman.  Sent. 
Do you not know him Madam.  Cel. 
What is he?  Sen. 
A Camphire ball, you shall know more hereafter  
He shall tell you himself, and save my character,  
Till then, you see he's proud.  Cel. 
One thing gentlemen  
I observe in your behaviour, which is rare  
In two that court one mistress, you preserve  
A noble friendship, there's no gum within  
Your hearts, you cannot fret, or show an envy  
Of one another's hope, some would not govern  
Their passions with that temper.  Sent. 
The whole world  
sha'not divorce our friendship. Mr Hairecut  
Would I had lives to serve him, he is lost  
To goodness does not honour him.  Ha. 
My knight I  Cel. 
This is right playing at Court Shuttlecock.  Enter Gentlew. Gen. 
Madam, there is a gentleman desires  
To speak w'ee, one sir Thomas Bornwell.  Cel. 
Bornewell?  Gen. 
He says he is a stranger to your Ladyship.  Sen. 
I know him.  Haire. 
Your neighbour Madam.  Sen. 
Husband to the Lady, that so revels in the strand.  Ha. 
He has good parts they say, but cannot help  
His Lady's bias.  Cel. 
They have both much fame  
i'th' town for several merits, pray admit him.  Ha. 
What comes he for? Enter sir Thomas.  Bo. 
Your pardon noble Lady, that I have  
Presumed a stranger to your knowledge.  Cel. 
Sir,  
Your worth was here before you, and your person  
Cannot be here ingrateful.  Bor. 
'tis the bounty  
Of your sweet disposition Madam, make me  
Your servant Lady by her fair example,  
To favour me— I never knew one turn  
Her cheek to a gentleman that came to kiss her  
But she'd a stinking breath; your servant gentlemen,  
Will Sent love how is't?  Cel. 
I am sorry coz  
To accuse you, we in nothing more betray  
ourselves to censure of ridiculous pride,  
Then answering a fair salute too rudely,  
Oh it shows ill upon a gentlewoman  
Not to return the modest lip, if she  
Would have the world believe, her breath is not  
Offensive.  Bor. 
Madam, I have business  
With you.  Sent. 
His looks are pleasant.  Cel. 
With me sir?  Bor. 
I hear you have an excellent wit Madam,  
I see your fair  Cel. 
The first is but report,  
And do not trust your eyesight for the last,  
'cause I presume y'are mortal and may err.  Ha. 
He is very gamesome.  Bor. 
Y'ave an excellent voice;  
They say you catch it from a dying Swan,  
Which joined to the sweet harmony of your lute,  
You ravish all mankind.  Cel. 
Ravish mankind?  Bo. 
With their consent.  Cel. 
It were the stranger rape,  
But there's the less indictment lies against it,  
And there is hope; your little honesties  
Cannot be much the worse, for men do rather  
Believe they had a maiden head, then put  
Themselves toth' rack of memory, how long  
'tis since they left the burden of their innocence.  Bo. 
Why you are bitter Madam.  Cel. 
So is physic,  
I do not know your constitution.  Bo. 
You shall if please you Madam.  Cel. 
Y'are too hasty,  
I must examine what certificate  
You have, first to prefer you.  Bo. 
Fine! certificate?  Cel. 
Under your Lady's hand, and seal.  Bor. 
Go to,  
I see you are a wag.  Cel. 
But take heed, how  
You trust to't.  Bor. 
I can love you in my wedlock,  
As well as that young gallant, oath first hair,  
Or the knight Bachelor, and can return  
As amorous delight to thy soft bosom.  Cel. 
Your person and your language are both strangers.  Bo. 
But may be more familiar, I have those  
That dare make affidavit for my body.  Cel. 
D''ee mean your Surgeon?  Bor. 
My Surgeon Madam?  
I know not how you value my abilities,  
But I dare undertake, as much, to express  
My service to your Ladyship, and with  
As fierce ambition, fly to your commands,  
As the most valiant of these, 'lay siege to you.  Cel. 
You dare not sir.  Bor. 
How Madam?  Cel. 
I will justify't.  
You dare not marry me, and I imagine  
Some here should I consent, would fetch a priest  
Out of the fire.  Bor. 
I have a wife indeed,  Cel. 
And there's a statute not repealed I take it.  Bor. 
youare in the right I must confess y'ave hit,  
And bled me in a master vein.  Cel. 
You think  
I took you on the advantage, use your best  
Skill at defence, I'll come up to your valour  
And show another work you dare not do,  
You dare not sir be virtuous.  Bor. 
I dare,  
By this fair hand, I dare, and ask a pardon  
If my rude words offend thy innocence,  
Which in a form so beautiful, would shine  
To force a blush in them suspected it,  
And from the rest draw wonder.  Ha. 
I like not  
Their secret parley, shall I interrupt 'em?  Is. 
By no means sir.  Sent. 
Sir Thomas was not wont  
To show so much a Courtier.  Mar. 
He cannot  
Be prejudicial to you, suspect not  
Your own deserts so much, he's married.  Bo. 
I have other business Madam, you keep music,  
I came to try how you can dance.  Cel. 
You did? I'll try his humour out of breath,  
Although boast no cunning sir in revels,  
If you desire to show your art that way,  
I can wait on you.  Bor. 
You much honour me,  
Nay all must join to make a harmony.  They dance. Bor. 
I have nothing now, Madam, but to beseech  
After a pardon for my boldness, you  
Would give occasion to pay my gratitude,  
I have a house will be much honoured  
If you vouchsafe your presence, and a wife  
Desires to present herself your servant,  
I Came with the ambition to invite you,  
Deny me not, your person you shall trust  
On fair security.  Cel. 
Sir, although I use not  
This freedom with a stranger, you shall have  
No cause to hold me obstinate.  Bor. 
You grace me  
Sir William Sentlove—  Ha. 
I must take my leave,  
You will excuse me Madam, Court attendances—  Cel. 
By any means.  Bor. 
Ladies you will vouchsafe  
Your company.  Is. M. 
We wait upon you sir. Exunt.   

The third Act.  Enter Lord unready. Hairecut preparing his Periwig, Table, and Looking-glass. Lor. 
What hour is't?  Ha. 
'bout three o'clock my Lord.  Bor. 
'tis time to rise.  Ha. 
Your Lordship went but late  
To bed last night.  Lor. 
'twas early in the morning. Enter Secre.  Sec. 
Expect a while, my Lord is busy?  Lor. 
What's the matter?  Sec. 
Here is a Lady  
Desires access to you upon some affairs  
She says may specially concern your Lordship.  Lor. 
A Lady? What her name?  Sec. 
Madam Decoy.  Lor. 
Decoy? prithee admit her. Enter Decoy.  
Have you business Madam  
With me?  Decoy. 
And such I hope as will not be  
Offensive to your Lordship.  Lor. 
I pray speak it.  De. 
I would desire your Lordship's ear more private.  Lor. 
Wait i'th' next chamber till I call, now Madam. Exeunt.  De. 
Although I am a stranger to your Lordship  
I would not lose a fair occasion offered.  
To show how much I honour, and would serve you.  Lor. 
Please you to give me the particular  
That I may know the extent of my engagement,  
I am ignorant by what desert you should  
Be encouraged to have care of me.  De. 
My Lord,  
I will take boldness to be plain, beside  
Your other excellent parts, you have much fame  
For your sweet inclination to our sex.  Lor. 
How d'ee mean Madam?  Dec. 
I that way your Lordship  
Hath honourably practised upon some  
Not to be named, your noble constancy  
To a mistress hath deserved our general vote,  
And I a part of woman kind have thought  
How to express my duty.  Lor. 
In what Madam?  Dec. 
Be not so strange my Lord, I know the beauty  
And pleasures of your eyes, that handsome creature  
With whose fair life all your delight took leave,  
And to whose memory you have paid too much  
Sad tribute.  Lor. 
What's all this?  Dec. 
This, if your Lordship  
Accept my service, in pure zeal to cure  
Your melancholy, I could point where you might  
Repair your loss.  Lor. 
Your Ladyship I conceive  
Doth traffic in flesh merchandise.  De. 
To men.  
Of honour like yourself, I am well known  
To some in court and come not with ambition  
Now to supplant your officer.  Lor. 
What is  
The Lady of pleasure you prefer.  De. 
A Lady  
Of birth and fortune, one upon whose virtue  
I may presume, the Lady Aretina.  Lor. 
Wife to sir Thomas Bornwell?  Dec. 
The same sir.  Lor. 
Have you prepared her?  De. 
Not for your Lordship, till I have found your pulse,  
I am acquainted with her disposition  
She has a very appliable nature.  Lor. 
And Madam when expect you to be whipped  
For doing these fine favours.  De. 
How my Lord?  
Your Lordship does but jest I hope; you make  
A difference between a Lady that  
Does honourable offices, and one  
They call a bawd, your Lordship was not wont  
To have such course opinion of our practice.  Lor. 
The Lady Aretina is my kinswoman.  De. 
What if she be my Lord? the nearer blood  
The dearer sympathy.  Lor. 
I'll have thee carted.  De. 
Your Lordship won't so much stain your honour  
And education, to use a woman  
Of my quality.— Lord.— 'tis possible you may  
Be sent off with an honourable convoy  
Of halberdiers.  De. 
Oh my good Lord!  Lor. 
Your Ladyship shall be no protection  
If thou but stayest three minutes.  De. 
I am gone,  
When next you find rebellion in your blood,  
May all within ten mile o'th' court turn honest. Exit.  Lor. 
I do not find that proneness since the fair  
Bella Maria died, my blood is cold,  
Nor is there beauty enough surviving  
To heighten me to wantonness, who waits?  
And what said my Lady? Enter Hairecut.  Ha. 
The silent language of her face my Lord  
Was not so pleasant, as it showed upon  
Her entrance.  Lor. 
Would any man that meets  
This Lady take her for a bawd.  Ha. 
She does  
The trade an honour, credit to the profession,  
We may in time see baldness, quarter noses,  
And rotten legs to take the wall of foot-cloths.  Lor. 
I ha' thought better, call the Lady back,  
I won't lose this opportunity,  
Bid her not fear, the favour is not common,  
And I'll reward it. I do wonder much  
Will Sentlove was not here today.  Ha. 
I heard him say this morning, he would wait  
Upon your Lordship.  
She is returned sir. Enter Secre. and Decoy.  Sec. 
Madam be confident my Lords not angry.  Bor. 
You return welcome Madam, you are better  
Read in your art I hope then to be frighted  
With any shape of anger, when you bring  
Such news to gentlemen, Madam you shall  
Soon understand how I accept the office.  De. 
You are the first Lord, since I studied carriage,  
That showed such infidelity and fury  
Upon so kind a message, every gentleman  
Will show some breeding, but if one right honourable  
Should not have noble blood.  Lor. 
You shall return  
My compliment in a letter to my Lady  
Aretina, favour me with a little patience,  
Show her that chamber.  De. 
I'll attend your Lordship. Ex.  Lor. 
Write. Madam where your honour is in danger,  
My love must not be silent. Enter Sentlove and Kickshaw.  
Sentlove and Kickshaw!  Kic. 
Your Lordship's busy.  Lor. 
Writing a letter, nay it sha'not bar  
Any discourse.  Sec. 
— Silent.  Lo. 
Though I be no Physician, I may prevent a fever in your blood.  
And where have you spent the morning's conversation?  Sent. 
Where you would have given the best Barbary  
In your stable to have met on honourable terms.  Lor. 
What new beauty? You acquaint yourselves  
With none but wonders.  Sent. 
'tis too low a miracle.  Lor. 
'twill require a strong faith.  Secr. 
Your blood.  Lor. 
If you be innocent preserve your fame lest this Decoy  
Madam betray it to your repentance.  
By what name is she known?  Sent. 
Ask Alexander, he knows her?  Alex. 
Whom?  Sent. 
The Lady Celestina.  Lor. 
He has a vast knowledge of Ladies, 'las poor Alexander!  
When dost thou mean thy body shall lie fallow?  Al 
When there is mercy in a petticoat,  
I must turn pilgrim for some breath.  Lor. 
I think  
'twere cooler travel if you examine it  
Upon the hoof through Spain.  Sent. 
Through Ethiopia.  Lor. 
Nay less laborious to serve a prenticeship  
In Peru, and dig gold out of the mine,  
Though all the year were dog-days.  Sec. 
To repentance,  Lor. 
In brief, this Lady, could you fall from virtue,  
Within my knowledge will not blush to be a Bawd.  Sent. 
But hang't 'tis honourable journey work,  
Thou art famous by't, and thy name's up.  Alex. 
So sir,  
Let me ask you a question my dear knight,  
Which is less servile to bring up the Pheasant,  
And wait, or sit at table uncontrolled  
And carve to my own appetite?  Sent. 
No more,  
thouart witty, as I am—  Sec. 
A bawd.  Sent. 
How's that?  Al. 
Oh you are famous by't, and your names up sir.  Lor. 
Be wise, and reward my caution, with  
Timely care of yourself, so I shall not repent  
To be known your loving kinsman and servant.  
Gentlemen, the Lady Celestina.  
Is she so rare a thing?  Alex. 
If you'll have my  
Opinion my Lord, I never saw  
So sweet, so fair, so rich a piece of nature.  Lor. 
I'll show thee a fairer presently, to shame  
Thy eyes and judgement, look of'at.— So I'll subscribe  
Seal it, I'll excuse your pen for the direction.  Al. 
Bella Maria's picture; she was handsome.  Sent. 
But not to be compared.  Lor. 
Your patience gentlemen I'll return instantly. Exit.  Al. 
Whither is my Lord gone?  Sec. 
To a Lady i'th' next Chamber.  Sen. 
What is she?  Sec. 
You shall pardon me, I am his Secretary.  Sen. 
I was wont to be of his counsel, a new officer  
And I'not know't? I am resolved to 'batter  
All other with the praise of Celestina  
I must retain him. Enter Lord.  Lor. 
Has not that object  
Convinced your erring judgements.  Al. 
What this picture?  Lor. 
Were but your thoughts as capable as mine  
Of her Idea, you would wish no thought  
That were not active in her praise, above  
All worth and memory of her sex.  Sent. 
She was fair  
I must confess, but had your Lordship looked  
With eyes more narrow and some less affection  
Upon her face.  Alex. 
I do not love the copies  
Of any dead, they make me dream of goblins,  
Give me a living mistress, with but half  
The beauty of Celestina, come my Lord,  
'tis pity that a Lord of so much flesh  
Should waste upon a ghost, when they are living  
Can give you a more honourable consumption.  Sen. 
Why do you mean my Lord to live an Infidel?  
Do, and see what will come on't, observe still  
And dote upon your vigils, build a chamber  
Within a rock, a tomb, among the worms,  
Not far off, where you may in proof apocryphal  
Court 'em not devour the pretty pile.  
Of flesh your mistress carried to the grave,  
There are no women in the world, all eyes  
And tongue and lips are buried in her coffin.  Lor. 
Why do you think yourselves competent Judges.  
Of beauty gentlemen?  Both. 
What should hinder us?  Al. 
I have seen and tried as many as another  
With a mortal back.  Lord.. 
Your eyes are bribed,  
And your hearts chained to some desires, you cannot  
Enjoy the freedom of a sense.  Alex. 
Your Lordship  
Has a clear eyesight, and can judge and penetrate.  Lor. 
I can, and give a perfect censure of  
Each line and point, distinguish beauty from  
A thousand forms, which your corrupted optics  
Would pass for natural.  Sent. 
I desire no other  
Judge should determine us, and if your Lordship  
Dare venture but your eyes upon this Lady,  
I'll stand their justice, and be confident  
You shall give Celestine victory,  
And triumph o'er all beauties past and living.  Al. 
I dare my Lord venture a suit of clothes,  
You will be o'ercome.  Lor. 
You do not know my fortitude  Sent. 
Nor frailty, you dare not trust you self to see her.  Lor. 
Think you so gentlemen, I dare see this creature  
To make you know your errors, and the difference  
Of her, whose memory is my Saint, not trust  
My senses? I dare see and speak with her,  
Which holds the best acquaintance to prepare  
My visit to her.  Sent. 
I will do't my Lord.  Al. 
she is a Lady free in entertainments.  Lor. 
I would give this advantage to your cause,  
Bid him appear in all the ornaments  
Did ever wait on beauty, all the riches  
Pride can put on, and teach her face more charm  
Than ever Poet dressed up Venus in,  
Bid her be all the graces, and the queen  
Of love in one, I'll see her Sentlove, and  
Bring off my heart armed, but single thought  
Of one that is dead, without a wound, and when  
I have made your folly prisoner, I'll laugh at you.  Sent. 
She shall expect you, trust to me for knowledge.  Lor. 
I'm for the present somewhere else engaged,  
Let me hear from you.  Sent. 
So I am glad he's yet  
So near conversion.  Alex. 
I am for Aretina.  Sent. 
No mention of my Lord.  Alex. 
Prepare his Lady,  
'tis time he were reduced to the old sport,  
One Lord like him more would undo the court. Exit.  Enter Aretina with a letter. Decoy. De. 
He is the ornament of your blood Madam,  
I am much bound to his Lordship.  Are. 
He gives you  
A noble character.  De. 
'tis his goodness Madam.  Are. 
I wanted such an engine, my Lord has  
Done me a courtesy to disclose her nature,  
I now know one to trust, and will employ her.  
Touching my Lord, for reasons, which I shall  
Offer to your Ladyship hereafter, I  
Desire you would be silent, but to show  
How much I dare be confident in your secrecy,  
I pour my bosom forth, I love a gentleman  
On whom there won't meet much conjuration  
To meet— your ear.—  De. 
I apprehend you, and I shall  
Be happy to be serviceable, I am sorry  
Your Ladyship did not know me before now,  
I have done offices, and not a few  
Of the nobility, but have done feats  
Within my house, which is so convenient  
For situation, and artful chambers,  
Such pretty pictures to provoke the fancy.  Enter Littleworth. Lit. 
Madam all pleasures languish in your absence.  Are. 
Your pardon a few minute's sir— you must  
Contrive it thus.  Lit. 
I attend, and shall account it  
Honour to wait on your return.  Are. 
He may not  
Have the least knowledge of my name, or person.  De. 
I have practised that already for some great ones,  
And dare again to satisfy you Madam;  
I have a thousand ways to do sweet offices.  Lit. 
If this Lady Aretina should be honest,  
I ha' lost time, she's free as air, I must  
Have closer conference, and if I have art,  
Make her affect me in revenge.  De. 
This evening  
Leave me to manage things.  Are. 
You will oblige me.  De. 
You shall commend my art, and thank me after. Ex.  Are. 
I hope the revels are maintained within.  Lit. 
By sir Thomas and his Mistress.  Are. 
How? his Mistress.  Lit. 
The Lady Celestina, I ne'er saw  
Eyes shoot more amorous interchange.  Are. 
Is't so?  Lit. 
He wears her favour with mere pride.  Ar. 
Her favour.  Lit. 
A feather that he ravished from her fan.  Lit. 
And is so full of courtship, which she smiles on.  Are. 
'tis well.  Lit. 
And praises her beyond all poetry.  Are. 
I'm glad he has so much wit.  Lit. 
Not jealous!  Are. 
This secures me, what would make other Ladies pale  
With jealousy, gives but a licence to my wanderings,  
Let him now tax me if he dare— and yet  
Her beauty's worth my envy, and I wish  
Revenge upon it, not because he loves,  
But that it shines above my own. Enter Alex.  Al. 
Dear Madam.  Are. 
I have it, you two gentlemen profess  
Much service to me, if I have a way  
To employ your wit and secrecy.  Both. 
You'll honour us.  Are. 
You gave a high and worthy character  
Of Celestina.  Alex. 
I remember Madam.  Are. 
Do either of you love her.  Alex. 
Nor I Madam.  Lit. 
I would not if I might.  Are. 
she's now my guest,  
And by a trick invited by my husband  
To disgrace me, you gentlemen are held  
Wits of the town, the Consuls that do govern  
The Senate here, whose jeers are all authentic,  
The Taverns and the Ordinaries are  
Made academies where you come, and all  
Your sins and surfeits made times example,  
Your very nods can quell a Theater,  
No speech or Poem good without your seal,  
You can protect scurrility, and publish  
By your authority believed, no rapture  
Ought to have honest meaning.  Alex. 
Leave our characters.  Lit. 
And name the employment.  Are. 
You must exercise  
The strength of both your wits upon this Lady,  
And talk her into humbleness or anger  
Both which are equal to my thought, if you  
Dare undertake this slight thing for my sake,  
My favour shall reward it, but be faithful,  
And seem to let all spring from your own freedom.  Ale. 
This all? We can defame her, if you please  
My friend shall call her whore or any thing,  
And never be endangered to a duel.  Are. 
How's that?  Al. 
He can endure a cudgeling, and no man  
Will fight after so fair a satisfaction,  
But leave us to our Art, and do not limit us.  Are. 
They are here, begin not till I whisper you.  Enter sir Thomas, Celestina, Marcana, Isabella. Ar. 
je vous prie Madam d' excuser l'importunitè de mes affairs  
Qui m' on't fait offenser, par mon, absence, une dame de laquelle  
I'ay receu tant d' obligation.  Cel. 
Pardonnez moy Madame; vous me faictez trop a honneur.  Are. 
C'est bien de la douceur de vostre naturel que vous tenez  
Ceste language; mais j'espere que mon marry na pas  
Manquè de vous entretenir en mon absence.  Ce. 
En verite Monsieur nous a fort obligè  Are. 
Il eut trop failly, s'il n'eust taschè de tout son pouvoir à vous render toutes sortes de services.  Cel. 
Cest de sa bonté qu'il nous a tant favorisé.  Ar. 
De la vostre plustost Madame que vous fait donner  
D'interpretation si benigne à says efforts.  Cel. 
je voy bien que la victoire fera toutsjours à Madame, & de language, & de la courtesy.  Are. 
Vrayement Madame, que jamais person a plus desire,  
L'honneur de vostre company, que moy.  Cel. 
Laissons en je vous supply, des compliments & permiettoz à vostre servante de vous baiser les mains.  Are. 
Vous m'obligez trop.  Bo. 
I have no more patience, let's be merry again  
In our own language, Madam our mirth cools,  
Our Nephew! Enter Frederick.  Are. 
Passion of my brain.  Fre. 
Save you gentlemen, save you Ladies.  Are. 
I am undone.  Fre. 
I must salute, no matter at which end I begin.  Are. 
There's a compliment.  Cel. 
Is this your nephew Madam?  Are. 
je vous prie Madame d'execuser les habitz, & le rude  
Comportement de mon cousin. Il est tout fraischement  
Venu de l university, ou on l'a tout gastè.  Cel 
Excusez moy Madam, il est bien accomply.  Fre. 
This language should be French, by the motions  
Of your heads, and the mirth of your faces.  Are. 
I am dishonoured.  Fre. 
'tis one of the finest tongues for Ladies to show their  
Teeth in, If you'll Latin I am for you, or Greek it,  
My tailor has not put me into French yet,  
Mille basia, basia mille.  Cel. 
je ne vous entende pas monsieur,  
I understand you not sir.  Fre. 
Why so?  
You and I then shall be in charity,  
For though we should be abusive, we ha' the benefit  
Not to understand one another: where's my Aunt?  
I did hear music somewhere, and my brains  
Tuned with a bottle of your capering claret  
Made haste to show their dancing.  Lit. 
Please you Madam,  
They are very comfortable.  St. 
Alas Madam  
How would you have me help it, I did use  
All means I could, after he heard the music,  
To make him drunk in hope so to contain him,  
But the wine made him lighter, and his head  
Flew hither, ere I missed his heels.  Ale. 
Nay he spoke Latin to the Lady.  Are. 
Oh most unpardonable! get him off  
Quickly, and discreetly, or if I live—  St. 
'tis not in my power he swears I am  
An absurd sober fellow, and if you keep  
A servant in his house to cross his humour,  
When the rich sword and belt comes home, he'll kill him.  Are. 
What shall I do? Try your skill, Master Littleworth.  Lit. 
He has ne'er a sword, sweet Mr. Frederick.  Bo. 
'tis pity Madam such a syen should  
Be lost, but you are clouded.  Cel. 
Not I sir,  
I never found myself more clear at heart.  Bo. 
I could play with a feather, your fan Lady,  
Gentlemen, Aretina, ta ra ra ra, come Madam.  Fre. 
Why my good tutor in election?  
You might have been a scholar.  Lit. 
But I thank  
My friends they brought me up a little better,  
Give me the town wits, that deliver jests  
Clean from the bow, that whistle in the air,  
And cleave the pin at twelvescore, Ladies do  
But laugh at a gentleman that has any learning.  
'tis sin enough to have your clothes suspected,  
Leave us, and I will find a time to instruct you;  
Come here are sugar plumbs, 'tis a good Frederick.  Fre. 
Why is not this my aunt's house in the strand?  
The noble Rendezvous? Who laughs at me?  
Go, I will root here, if I list, and talk  
Of Rhetoric, Logic, Latin, Greek, or any thing,  
And understand 'em too, who says the contrary?  
Yet in a fair way I contemn all learning,  
And will be ignorant as he, or he,  
Or any taffeta, satin, scarlet, plush,  
Tissue, or cloth, a bodkin gentleman,  
Whose manners are most gloriously infected;  
Did you laugh at me Lady?  Cel. 
Not I sir?  
But if I did show mirth upon your question,  
I hope you would not beat me little gentleman.  Fr. 
How little gentleman? you dare not say  
These words to my new clothes, and fighting sword.  Are. 
Nephew Frederick!  Fr. 
Little gentleman,  
This an affront both to my blood and person,  
I am a gentleman of as tall a birth  
As any least nobility, though my clothes  
Smell o'the lamp, my coat is honourable,  
Right honourable, full, of or, and argent,  
A little gentleman!  Bor. 
coz you must be patient,  
My Lady meant you no dishonour, and  
You must remember she's a woman.  Fre. 
Is she a woman, that's another matter,  
d'ee hear, my uncle tells me what you are.  Cel. 
So sir.  Fr. 
You called me little gentleman.  Cel. 
I did sir.  Fre. 
A little pink has made a lusty ship  
Strike her topsail, the Crow may beard the Elephant,  
A whelp may tame the Tiger, spite of all  
False decks and murderers, and a little gentleman  
Be hard enough to grapple with your Ladyship  
Top and top gallant; will you go drink uncle?  
Tother enchanted bottle, you and I  
Will tipple, and talk philosophy.  Bo. 
Come Nephew,  
You will excuse a minute's absence Madam.  
Wait you on us.  St. 
My duty sir.  Are. 
Now gentlemen. Ex. all but Cel. & Alex. & Little.  Alex. 
Madam I had rather you accuse my language  
For speaking truth, than virtue suffer in  
My further silence, and it is my wonder  
That you, whose noble carriage hath deserved  
All honour, and opinion should now  
Be guilty of ill manners.  Cel. 
What was that  
You told me sir?  Lit. 
Do you not blush Madam?  
To ask that question.  Cel. 
You amaze rather  
My cheek to paleness, what you mean by this?  
I am not troubled with the hickup gentlemen,  
You should bestow this fright upon me.  Lit. 
Then  
Pride and ill memory go together.  Cel. 
How sir?  Al. 
The gentleman on whom you exercise  
Your thin wit, was a nephew to the Lady  
Whose guest you are, and though her modesty  
Look calm on the abuse of one so near  
Her blood, the affront was impious.  Lit. 
I am ashamed on't,  
You an ingenious Lady and well mannered?  
I'll reach a Bear as much civility.  Cel. 
You may be master of the College sir  
For ought I know.  Lit. 
What College? Of the Bears.  Cel. 
Have you a plot upon me? d'ee possess  
Your wits, or know me gentlemen. Enter Bornewell.  Bor. 
How's this?  Al. 
Know you? yes we do know you to an atom.  Li. 
Madam we know, what stuff your soul is made on.  Cel. 
But do not bark so like a mastive, pray,  
Sure they are mad, let your brains stand awhile  
And settle gentlemen, you know not me,  
What am I?  Lit. 
thou'rt a puppet, a thing made  
Of clothes and painting, and not half so handsome  
As that which played Susanna in the fair.  Cel. 
I heard you visited those canvas tragedies,  
One of their constant audience, and so taken  
With Susan, that you wished yourself a rival  
With the two wicked elders.  Al. 
You think this  
Is wit now, come you are—  Cel. 
What I beseech you?  
Your character will be full of salt and satire,  
No doubt, what am I?  Al. 
Why you are a woman.  Cel. 
And that's at least a bow wide of you knowledge.  Al. 
would be thought handsome, and might pass i'th' country  
Upon a market day, but miserably  
Forfeit to pride and fashions, that if heaven  
were a new gown, you'd not stay in't a fortnight.  Cel. 
It must be miserably out of fashion then,  
Have I no sin but pride?  Al. 
Hast any virtue?  
Or but a good face to excuse that want?  Cel. 
You praised it yesterday.  Al. 
That made you proud.  Cel. 
More pride?  Al. 
You need not to close up the praise,  
I have seen a better countenance in a Sibyl.  Cel. 
When you wore spectacles of sack, mistook  
The painted cloth, and kissed it for your mistress.  Al. 
Let me ask you a question, how much  
Have you consumed in expectation  
That I would love you.  Cel. 
Why? I think as much  
As you have paid a way in honest debts  
This seven year, 'tis a pretty impudence,  
But cannot make me angry.  Lit. 
Is there any  
Man that will cast away his limbs upon her?  Al. 
You do not sing so well as I imagined,  
Nor dance, you reel in your coranto, and pinch  
Your petticoat too hard, y ave no good ear  
Tothth' music, and incline too much one shoulder,  
As you were dancing on the rope, and falling,  
You speak abominable French, and make  
A curtsy like a Dairy maid, not mad?  Lit. 
Do we not sting her handsomely  Bor. 
A conspiracy.  Al. 
Your state is not so much as 'tis reported  
When you confer notes, all your husband's debts  
And your own reconciled— but that's not it  
Will so much spoil your marriage.  Cel. 
As what sir?  
Let me know all my faults.  Al. 
Some men do whisper  
You are not over honest.  Cel. 
All this shall not  
Move me to more than laughter, and some pity,  
Because you have the shapes of gentlemen,  
And though you have been insolent upon me,  
I will engage no friend to kick or cudgel you  
To spoil your living, and your limbs together,  
I leave that to diseases that offend you,  
And spare my curse, poor silken Vermin, and  
Hereafter shall distinguish Men from Monkeys.  Bo. 
Brave soul, you brace of horseleeches, I have heard  
Their barbarous language Madam, youare too merciful,  
They shall be silent to your tongue, pray punish 'em.  Cel. 
They are things not worth my character, nor mention  
Of any clean breath, so lost in honesty  
They cannot satisfy for wrongs enough,  
Though they should steal out of the world at Tyburn.  Lit. 
We are hanged already.  Cel. 
Yet I will talk a little to the pilchards,  
You two that have not 'twixt you both the hundred  
Part of a soul, course woollen witted fellows,  
Without a nap, with bodies made for burdens,  
You that are only stuffings for apparel  
As you were made but engines for your Tailors  
To frame their clothes upon, and get them custom;  
Until men see you move, yet, than you dare not  
Out of your guilt of being the ignobler beast  
But give a horse the wall, whom you excel  
Only in dancing of the brawls, because  
The horse was not taught the French way, your two faces,  
One fat like Christmas, other lean like Candlemas,  
And Prologue to a Lent, both bound together  
Would figure janus, and do many cures  
On Agues and the green disease by frighting,  
But neither can with all the characters  
And conjuring circles charm a woman, though  
she'd fourscore years upon her, and but one  
Tooth in her head, to love or think well of you;  
And I were miserable, to be at cost  
To court such a complexion, as your malice  
Did impudently insinuate, but I waste time  
And stain my breath in talking to such tadpoles.  
Go home and wash your tongues in Barley water  
Drink clean Tobacco, be not hot i'th' mouth,  
And you may scape the Beadle; so I leave you  
To shame and your own garters, Sir I must  
Entreat you for my honour do not penance 'em,  
They are not worth your anger, how I shall  
Acquit your lady's silence.  Bo. 
Madam, I  
Am sorry to suspect, and dare revenge  Cel. 
No cause of mine.  Bor. 
It must become me to attend you home.  Cel. 
You are noble—— farewell Mushrooms.  Are. 
Is she gone.  Li. 
I think we peppered her.  Al. 
I am glad 'tis over,  
But I repent no service for you Madam.  Enter servant with a letter. 
To me? from whence a jewel a good preface,  
Be happy the conclusion.  Are. 
Some love letter— He smiles upon.  Lit. 
He has a hundred Mistresses, you may  
Be charitable Madam I ha' none,  
He surfeits, and I fall away i'th' kidneys.  Al. 
I'll meet,  
'tis some great Lady questionless, that has  
Taken notice, and would satisfy her appetite.  Are. 
Now Mr. Alexander, you look bright o'the sudden,  
Another spirit's in your eye.  Al. 
Not mine Madam,  
Only a summons to meet a friend.  Ar. 
What friend?  Lit. 
By this Jewel, I know her not!  Ar. 
'tis a she friend, I'll follow gentlemen,  
We may have a game at saint before you goe.  Al. 
I shall attend you Madam  Lit. 
'tis our duty.  Are. 
I blush while I converse with my own thoughts,  
Some strange fate governs me, but I must on,  
The ways are east already and we thrive  
When our sin fears no eye nor perspective. Exit.   

The fourth Act.  Enter two men leading Alexander blinded, and go off suddenly. Al. 
I am not hurt, my patience to obey 'em  
Not without fear to ha' my throat cut else,  
Did me a courtesy whither ha' they brought me  
'tis devilish dark, the bottom of a well  
At midnight, with but two stars on the top,  
Were broad day to this darkness, I but think  
How like a whirlwind these rogues caught me up  
And smothered my eyesight, let me see,  
These may be spirits, and for aught I know  
Have brought me hither over twenty steeples,  
Pray heaven they were not bailiffs; that's more worth  
My fear, and this a prison, all my debts  
Reek in my nostril, and my bones begin  
To ache with fear to be made dice, and yet  
This is too calm and quiet for a prison;  
What if the riddle prove I am robbed; and yet  
I did not feel 'em search me? How now? music?  Enter Decoy like an old woman with a light. 
And a light? What beldame's this, I cannot pray;  
What art?  De. 
A friend, fear not young man I am  
No spirit.  Alex. 
Off. De. Despise me not for age,  
Or this course outside, which I wear not out  
Of poverty; thy eyes be witness, 'tis  
No cave or beggar's cell thou'rt brought too, let  
That gold speak here's no want, which thou mayst spend,  
And find a spring to try even prodigality  
If thou be'st wise.  Alex. 
The devil was a coiner  
From the beginning, yet the gold looks currant.  De. 
thou'rt still in wonder, know I am Mistress of  
This house, and of a fortune that shall serve  
And feed thee with delights, 'twas I sent for thee,  
The jewel and the letter came from me,  
It was my art, thus to contrive our meeting,  
Because I would not trust thee with my fame,  
Until I found thee worth a woman's honour.  Al. 
Honour and fame? the devil means to have  
A care on's credit, though she sent for me,  
I hope, she has another customer  
To do the trick withal, I would not turn  
Familiar to a witch.  De. 
What sayst? Canst thou  
Dwell in my arms tonight, shall we change kisses,  
And entertain the silent hours with pleasure?  
Such as old time shall be delighted with,  
And blame the too swift motion of his wings  
While we embrace.  Al. 
Embrace? she has had no teeth  
This twenty years, and the next violent cough  
Brings up her tongue, it cannot possibly  
Be sound at root, I do not think but one  
Strong sneeze upon her, and well meant would make  
Her quarters fall away, one kick would blow  
Her up like gunpowder, and lose all her limbs;  
She is so cold, an Incubus would not heat her,  
Her phlegm would quench a furnace, and her breath  
Would damp a musket bullet.  De. 
Have you sir  
Considered.  Alex. 
What?  De. 
My proposition,  
Canst love?  Alex. 
I could have done, whom do you mean?  
I know you are pleased, but to make sport.  De. 
Thou art not  
So dull of soul as thou appearest.  Alex. 
This is.  
But some device, my granam has some trick in't:  
Yes I can love.  De. 
But canst thou affect me.  Al. 
Although to reverence so grave a matron  
Were an ambitious word in me, yet since  
You give me boldness, I do love you.  De. 
Then  
Thou art my own.  Al. 
Has she no cloven foot?  De. 
And I am thine, and all that I command  
Thy servants, from this minute thou are happy,  
And fate in thee will crown all my desires.  
I grieved a proper man should be compelled  
To bring his body to the common market,  
My wealth shall make thee glorious, and the more  
To encourage thee, howe'er this form may fright  
Thy youthful eyes, yet thou wilt find by light  
Of thy own sense, for other light is banished  
My chamber, when our arms tie lovers knots,  
And kisses seal the welcome of our lips,  
I shall not there affright thee, nor seem old,  
With riveled veins, my skin is smooth and soft  
As Ermines, with a spirit to meet thine,  
Active and equal to the queen of Love's  
When she did court Adonis.  Al. 
This doth more  
Confirm she is a devil, and I am  
Within his own dominions, I must on,  
Or else be torn a pieces, I have heard  
These Succubi must not be crossed.  De. 
We trifle  
Too precious time away, I'll show you a prospect  
Of the next chamber, and then out the candle.  Al. 
Have you no sack i'th' house, I would go armed  
Upon this breach.  De. 
It sha'not need.  Al. 
One word  
Mother, have not you been a Cat in your days?  De. 
I am glad you are so merry sir, you observe  
That bed.  Alex. 
A very brave one.  De. 
When you are  
Disrobed, you can come thither in the dark,  
You sha'not stay for me, come as you wish  
For happiness. Exit.  Al. 
I am preferred, if I  
Be modest and obey, she cannot have  
The heart to do me harm, and she were Hecate  
Herself, I will have a strong faith, and think,  
I march upon a Mistress, the less evil,  
If I scape fire now, I defy the devil. Exit.  Enter Fred. Littlew. Stoward. Fre. 
And how d'ee like me now?  St. 
Most excellent.  Fre. 
Your opinion Mr. Littlewor.  Lit. 
Your French tailor  
Has made you a perfect gentleman, I may  
Converse now with you, and preserve my credit,  
d'ye find no alteration in your body  
With these new clothes?  Fre. 
My body altered? No.  Lit. 
You are not yet in fashion then, that must  
Have a new motion garb, and posture too,  
Or all your pride is cast away, it is not  
The cut of your apparel makes a gallant,  
But the geometrical wearing of your clothes.  St. 
Mr. Littleworth tells you right, you wear your hat:  
Too like a citizen.  Lit. 
'tis like a Midwife,  
Place it with best advantage of your hair,  
Is half your feather molted? this does make  
No show, it should spread over like a Canopy,  
Your hot reined Monsieur wears it for a shade,  
And cooler to his back, your doublet must  
Be more unbuttoned hereabouts, you'll not  
Be a sloven else, a foul shirt is no blemish,  
You must be confident, and outface clean linen!  
Your doublet and your breeches must be allowed  
No private meeting here, your cloak's too long,  
It reaches to your buttock, and doth smell  
Too much of Spanish gravity, the fashion  
Is to wear nothing but a Cape, a coat  
May be allowed a covering for one elbow,  
And some to avoid the trouble, choose to walk  
In cuerpo thus.  St. 
Your coat, and cloak's a brushing  
In Long-lane Lombard.  Fre. 
But what if it rain?  Lit. 
Your belt about your shoulder is sufficient  
To keep off any storm, beside a reed  
But waved discreetly, has so many pores,  
It sucks up all the rain that falls about one,  
With this defence, when other men have been  
Wet to the skin through all their cloaks, I have  
Defied a tempest and walked by the Taverns  
Dry as a bone.  St. 
Because he had no money  
To call for wine.  Fr. 
Why you do walk enchanted,  
Have you such pretty charms in town? But stay,  
Who must I have to attend me?  Lit. 
Is not that  
Yet thought upon.  St. 
I have laid out for servants.  Lit. 
They are everywhere.  St. 
I cannot yet be furnished  
With such as I would put into his hands.  Fr. 
Of what condition must they be, and how  
Many in number sir?  Lit. 
Beside your fencing,  
Your singing, dancing, riding, and French-master,  
Two may serve domestic to be constant waiters  
Upon a gentleman a fool, a pimp.  St. 
For these two officers I have enquired,  
And I am promised a convenient whiskin,  
I could save charges, and employ the Pie wench  
That carries her intelligence in whitepots,  
Or 'tis but taking order with the woman  
That holds the ballads, she could fit him with  
A concubine to any tune, but I  
Have a design to place a fellow with him  
That has read all Sir Pandarus works, a Trojan  
That lies concealed, and is acquainted with  
Both city and suburbian fripperies  
Can fetch 'em with a spell at midnight to him,  
And warrant which are for his turn, can for  
A need supply the Surgeon too.  Fre. 
I like  
Thy providence,— such a one deserves a livery twice a year.  St. 
It sha'not need, a cast suit of your worships  
Will serve, he'll find a cloak to cover it  
Out of his share with those he brings to bed to you.  Fre. 
But must I call this fellow Pimp?  Lit. 
It is  
Not necessary, or Jack, or Harry,  
Or what he's known abroad by will sound better,  
That men may think he is a Christian.  Fre. 
But hear you Mr. Littleworth, is there not  
A method and degrees of title in  
Men of this art.  Lit. 
According to the honour  
Of men that do employ 'em. An Emperor  
May give this office to a Duke, A King  
May have his Viceroy to negotiate for him,  
A Duke may use a Lord, the Lord a Knight  
A Knight may trust a gentleman, and when  
They are abroad, and merry, gentlemen  
May pimp to one another.  Fre. 
Good, good fellowship!  
But for the fool now, that should wait on me,  
And break me jests.  Lit. 
A fool is necessary.  St. 
By any means.  Fre. 
But which of these two servants  
Must now take place.  Lit. 
That question Mr. Frederick  
The school of Heraldry should conclude upon;  
But if my judgement may be heard the fool  
Is your firstman, and it is known a point  
Of state to have a fool.  St. 
But sir the other  
Is held the finer servant, his employments  
Are full of trust, his person cleave, and nimble,  
And none so soon can leap into preferment  
Where fools are poor.  Lit. 
Not all, there's story for't,  
Princes have been no wiser than they should be,  
Would any noble man, that were no fool  
Spend all in hope of the philosopher's stone,  
To buy new Lordships in another country,  
Would Knights build Colleges, or gentlemen  
Of good states, challenge the field and fight  
Because a whore won't be honest, come,  
Fools are a family over all the world;  
We do affect one naturally, indeed  
The fool is leaguer with us.  St. 
Then the Pimp  
Is extraordinary.  Fre. 
Do not you fall out  
About their places; here's my noble Aunt! Enter Aretina.  Lit. 
How do you like your nephew Madam now?  Are. 
Well, turn about Frederick, very well.  Are. 
Am I not now a proper gentleman?  
The virtue of rich clothes! now could I take  
The wall of julius Cesar, affront  
Great Pompey's upperlip, and defy the Senate,  
Nay I can be as proud as your own heart Madam,  
You may take that for your comfort; I put on  
That virtue with my clothes, and I doubt not  
But in little time, I shall be impudent  
As any Page or player's boy, I am  
Beholding to this gentleman's good discipline,  
But I shall do him credit in my practice,  
Your Steward has some pretty notions too  
In moral mischief.  Are. 
Your desert in this  
Exceeds all other service, and shall bind me  
Both to acknowledge, and reward.  Lit. 
Sweet Madam!  
Think me but worth your favour, I would creep  
Upon my knees to honour you, and for every  
Minute you lend to my reward, I'll pay  
A year of serviceable tribute.  Are. 
You  
Can compliment.  Lit. 
Thus still she puts me off,  
Unless I speak the down right word, she'll never  
Understand me, a man would think that creeping  
Upon one's knees Were English to a Lady. Enter Alex.  Ale. 
How is't Jack? Pleasures attend you Madam,  
How does my plant of honour?  Are. 
Who is this?  Al. 
'tis Alexander.  Are. 
Rich and glorious!  Lit. 
'tis Alexander the great.  Ale. 
And my Bucephalus  
Waits at the door.  Are. 
Your case is altered sir.  Ale. 
I cannot help these things, the Fates will have it,  
'tis not my land does this.  Lit. 
But thou hast a plough  
That brings it in.  Are. 
Now he looks brave and lovely.  Fre. 
Welcome my gallant Macedonian.  Al. 
Madam you gave your Nephew for my pupil,  
I read but in a tavern, if you'll horror us,  
The Bear at the bridge foot shall entertain you,  
A drawer is my Ganymede, he shall skink  
Brisk Nectar to us, we will only have  
A dozen Partridge in a dish, as many Pheasants,  
Quails, Cocks and Godwits, shall come marching up  
Like the trained band, a fort of Sturgeon  
Shall give most bold defiance to an army,  
And triumph o'er the table.  Are. 
Sir, it will  
But dull the appetite to hear more, and mine  
Must be excused, another time I may  
Be your guest.  Ale. 
'tis grown in fashion now with Ladies,  
When you please I'll attend you; Littleworth  
Come Frederick.  Fre. 
we'll have music, I love noise,  
We will out roar the Thames and shake the bridge boy. Ex.  Lit. 
Madam I kiss your hand, would you would think  
Of your poor servant, flesh and blood is frail,  
And trouble some to carry without help.  Are. 
A coach will easily convey it, or  
You may take water at strand bridge.  Lit. 
But I  
Have taken fire.  Are. 
The Thames will cool.  Lit. 
But never quench my heart, your charity  
Can only do that!  Are. 
I will keep it cold  
Of purpose,  Lit. 
Now you bless me, and I dare  
Be drunk in expectation.  Are. 
I am confident  
He knows me not, and I were worse than mad  
To be my own betrayer, here's my husband. Enter Born.  Bor. 
Why, how now Aretina? What alone?  
The mystery of this solitude? my house  
Turn desert o'the sudden, all the gamesters  
Blown up? Why is the music put to silence?  
Or ha' their instruments caught a cold, since we  
Gave 'em the last heat? I must know thy ground  
Of Melancholy.  Are. 
You are merry, as  
You came from kissing Celestina.  Bor. 
I  
Feel her yet warm upon my lip, she is  
Most excellent company, I did not think  
There was that sweetness in her sex, I must  
Acknowledge 'twas thy cure to disenchant me  
From a dull husband to an active lover,  
With such a Lady, I could spend more years,  
Than since my birth my glass hath run soft minutes,  
And yet be young, her presence has a spell  
To keep off age, she has an eye would strike  
Fire through an adamant.  Are. 
I have heard as much  
Bestowed upon a dull faced chambermaid  
Whom love and wit would thus commend, true beauty  
Is mocked when we compare thus, itself being  
Above what can be fetched to make it lovely,  
Or could our thoughts reach some thing to declare  
The glories of a face, or Body's elegance,  
That touches but our sense, when beauty spreads  
Over the soul, and calls up understanding  
To look when thence is offered, and admire,  
In both I must acknowledge Celestina  
Most excellently fair, fair above all  
The beauties I ha' seen, and one most worthy  
Man's love and wonder.  Bor. 
Do you speak Aretina,  
This with a pure sense to commend, or is't  
The mockery of my praise  Aret. 
Although it shame  
myself, I must be just, and give her all  
The excellency of women, and were I  
A man.  Bo. 
What then?  Are. 
I know not with what loss,  
I should attempt her love, she is a piece  
So angellically moving, I should think  
Frailty excused to dote upon her form,  
And almost virtue to be wicked with her. Exit.  Bor. 
What should this mean? this is no jealousy,  
Or she believes I counterfeit, I feel  
Something within me, like a heat, to give  
Her cause, would Celestina but consent,  
What a frail thing is man, it is not worth  
Our glory to be chaste, while we deny  
Mirth and converse with women, he is good  
That dares the tempter, yet corrects his blood. Exit.  Celestina, Mariana, Issabella. Cel. 
I have told you all my knowledge since he is pleased  
To invite himself he shall be entertained,  
And you shall be my witnesses.  Mar. 
Who comes with him.  Cel. 
Sir William Sentlove, that prepared me for  
The honourable encounter, I expect  
His Lordship every minute. Enter Sentlove.  Sent. 
My Lord is come. Enter Lord. Hairecut.  Cel. 
He has honoured me.  Se. 
My Lord your periwig is awry!  Lo 
You sir— While Hairecut is busy about his hair, Sentlove goes to Celestina.  Sent. 
You may guess, at the gentleman that's with him.  
It is his barber, Madam, d'ee observe  
And your Ladyship want a shaver.  Hai. 
She is here sir,  
I am betrayed Sentlove your plot, I may  
Have opportunity to be revenged Exit.  Sent. 
She in the midst.  Lo. 
She's fair, I must confess,  
But does she keep this distance out of state.  Cel. 
Though I am poor in language to express  
How much your Lordship honours me, my heart  
Is rich and proud in such a guest, I shall  
Be out of love with every air abroad,  
And for his grace done my unworthy house,  
Be a fond prisoner, become anchorite,  
And spend my hours in prayer, to reward  
The blessing, and the bounty of this presence.  Lor. 
Though you could turn each place you move in, to  
A temple, rather than a wall should hide  
So rich a beauty from the world, it were  
Less want to lose our piety and your prayer,  
A throne were fitter to present you to  
Our wonder, whence your eyes more worth than all  
They look on, should chain every heart a prisoner.  Sent. 
'twas pretty well come off.  Lo. 
By your example  
I shall know how to compliment, in this  
You more confirm my welcome.  Cel. 
I shall love  
My lips the better, if their silent language  
Persuade your Lordship but to think so truly.  Lo. 
You make me smile Madam.  Cel. 
I hope you came not  
With fear that any sadness here should shake  
One blossom from your eye, I should be miserable  
To present any object should displease you.  Lo. 
You do not Madam.  Cel. 
As I should account  
It no less sorrow, if your Lordship should  
Lay too severe a censure on my freedom.  
I won't court a Prince against his justice,  
Nor bribe him with a smile to think me honest,  
Pardon my Lord this boldness, and the mirth  
That may flow from me, I believe my father  
Thought of no winding sheet when he begot me.  Lor. 
She has a merry soul, it will become  
Me ask your pardon Madam for my rude  
Approach so much a stranger to your knowledge.  Cel. 
Not my Lord so much stranger to my knowledge,  
Though I have but seen your person afar oft,  
I am acquainted with your character,  
Which I have heard so often, I can speak it.  Lo. 
You shall do me an honour.  Cel. 
If your Lordship will  
Be patient.  Lo. 
And glad to hear my faults.  Cel. 
That as your conscience can agree upon 'em,  
however if your Lordship give me privilege,  
I'll tell you what's the opinion of the world.  Lo. 
You cannot please me better.  Cel. 
Y'are a Lord  
Borne with as much nobility as would  
Divided serve to make ten noble men  
Without a Herald, but with so much spirit,  
And height of soul, as well might furnish twenty.  
You are learned, a thing not compatible now  
With native honour, and are master of  
A language that doth chain all years, and charm  
All hearts, where you persuade, a wit so flowing  
And prudence to correct it, that all men  
Believe they only meet in you, which with  
A spacious memory make up the full wonders;  
To these you have known valour, and upon  
A noble cause, know how to use a sword  
To honour's best advantage, though you were none;  
You are as bountiful, as the showers that fall  
Into the Springs green bosom; as you were  
Created Lord of fortune, not her steward;  
So constant to the cause, in which you make  
yourself an advocate, you dare all dangers,  
And men had rather you should be their friend,  
Than justice or the bench, bound up together.  Lor. 
But did you hear all this.  Cel. 
And more my Lord.  Lor. 
Pray let me have it Madam.  Cel. 
To all these virtues, there is added one,  
(Your Lordship will remember when I name it,  
I speak but what I gather from the voice  
Of others) it is grown to a full fame  
That you have loved a woman.  Lo. 
But one Madam?  Cel. 
Yes many, give me leave to smile my Lord,  
I shall not need to interpret in what sense,  
But you have showed yourself right honourable,  
And for your love to Ladies have deserved,  
If their vote might prevail a marble statue,  
I make no comment on the people's text.  
My Lord I should be sorry to offend.  Lor. 
You cannot Madam, these are things we owe  
To nature for.  Cel. 
And honest men will pay  
Their debts.  Lo. 
If they be able, or compound.  Cel. 
She had a hard heart, would be unmerciful,  
And not give day to men so promising,  
But you owed women nothing,  Lo. 
Yes I am  
Still in their debt, and I must owe them love,  
It was part of my character.  Cel. 
With your Lordship's  
Pardon I only said, you had a fame  
For loving women, but of late men say  
You have against the imperial laws of love,  
Restrained the active flowings of your blood,  
And with a Mistress buried all that is  
Hoped for in love's succession, as all beauty  
Had died with her, and left the world benighted!  
In this you more dishonour all our sex  
Than you did grace a part, when everywhere  
Love tempts your eye to admire a glorious harvest,  
And everywhere as full blown ears submit  
Their golden heads, the laden trees bow down  
Their willing fruit, and court your amorous tasting.  Lor. 
I see men would dissect me to a fiber,  
But do you believe this?  Cel. 
It is my wonder!  
I must confess a man of nobler earth  
Then goes to vulgar composition,  
Borne and bred high, so unconfined, so rich  
In fortunes, and so read in all that sum  
Up humane knowledge, to feed gloriously,  
And live at court, the only sphere wherein  
True beauty moves, nature's most wealthy garden,  
Where every blossom is more worth, than all  
The Hesperian fruit, by jealous Dragon watched  
Where all delights do circle appetite,  
And pleasures multiply by being tasted,)  
Should be so lost with thought of one, turn ashes.  
There's nothing left my Lord that can excuse you,  
Unless you plead, what I am ashamed to prompt  
Your wisdom too?  Lo. 
What that?  Cel. 
That you have played  
The Surgeon with yourself  Lo. 
And am made Eunuch.  Cel. 
It were much pity.  Lo. 
Trouble not yourself,  
I could convince your fears with demonstration  
That I am man enough, but knew not where  
Until this meeting beauty dwelled; the court  
You talked of must be where the queen of love is,  
Which moves but with your person, in your eye  
Her glory shines, and only at that flame  
Her wanton boy doth light his quickening torch.  Cel. 
Nay now you compliment, I would it did  
My Lord for your own sake.  Lor. 
You would be kind,  
And love me then.  Cel. 
My Lord I should be loving  
Where I found worth to invite it, and should cherish  
A constant man.  Lor. 
Then you should me Madam.  Cel. 
But is the ice about your heart fallen off,  
Can you return to do what love commands?  
Cupid thou shall have instant sacrifice.  
And I dare be the Priest.  Lor. 
Your hand, your lip,  
Now I am proof 'gainst all temptation.  Cel 
Your meaning my good Lord.  Lor. 
I that have strength  
Against thy voice and beauty, after this  
May dare the charms of womankind, thou art  
Bella Maria unprofaned yet,  
This Magic has no power upon my blood.  
Farewell Madam, if you durst be the example  
Of chaste as well as fair, thou wert a brave one.  Cel. 
I hope your Lordship means not this for earnest,  
Be pleased to grace a banquet.  Lo. 
Pardon Madam.  
Will Sentlove follow, I must laugh at you.  Cel. 
My Lord I must beseech you stay, for honour  
For her whose memory you love best.  Lo. 
Your pleasure.  Cel. 
And by that virtue you have now professed,  
I charge you to believe me too, I can  
Now glory, that you have been worth my trial,  
Which I beseech you pardon, had not you  
So valiantly recovered in this conflict,  
You had been my triumph, without hope of more  
Than my just scorn upon your wanton flame;  
Nor will I think these noble thoughts grew first  
From melancholy, for some female loss,  
As the fantastic world believes, but from  
Truth, and your love of Innocence, which shine  
So bright in the two royal luminaries  
At Court, you cannot lose your way to chastity,  
Proceed, and speak of me as honour guides you. Exit Lord.  
I am almost tired, come Ladies we'll beguile  
Dull time, and take the air another while. Exeunt.   

The fifth Act.  Enter Aretina and Servant. Are. 
But hath Sir Thomas lost five hundred pounds  
Already?  Ser. 
And five hundred more he borrowed,  
The Dice are notable devourers Madam,  
They make no more of pieces, than of pebbles,  
But thrust their heaps together to engender,  
Two hundred more the Caster cries this gentleman,  
I am w'ee. I ha' that to nothing sir, the Caster  
Again, 'tis covered, and the table too,  
With sums that frighted me, here one speaks out,  
And with a martyr's patience, smiles upon  
His money's Executioner, the Dice,  
Commands a pipe of good Tobacco, and  
I'th' smoke on't vanishes; another makes  
The bones vault o'er his head, swears that ill throwing  
Has put his shoulder out of joint calls for  
A bone setter that looks toth' box, to bid  
His master send him some more hundred pounds,  
Which lost, he takes tobacco, and is quiet;  
Here a strong arm throws in, and in, with which  
He brusheth all the table, pays the Rooks  
That went their smelts a piece upon his hand,  
Yet swears he has not drawn a stake this seven year.  
But I was bid make haste, my master may  
Lose this five hundred pound ere I come thither. Exit.  Are. 
If we both waste so fast, we shall soon find  
Our state is not immortal, some thing in  
His other ways appear not well already. Enter sir Thomas.  Bor. 
Ye Tortoises, why make you no more haste,  
Go pay toth' master of the house that money,  
And tell the noble gamesters, I have another  
Superfluous thousand pound, at night I'll visit 'em.  
d'ee hear?  Ser. 
Yes and please you.  Bor 
Do't ye drudges,  
Ta ra ra— Aretina.  Ar. 
You have a pleasant humour sir.  Bor. 
What should a gentleman be sad?  Ar. 
You have lost.  Bor. 
A transitory sum, as good that way  
As another.  Are. 
Do you not vex within for't?  Bor. 
I had rather lose a thousand more, than one  
Sad thought come near my heart for't, vex for trash,  
Although it go from other men like drops.  
Of their life blood, we lose with the alacrity,  
we drink a cup of sack, or kiss a Mistress,  
No money is considerable with a gamester,  
They have souls more spacious than Kings, did two  
Gamesters divide the Empire of the world  
They'd make one throw for't all, and he that lost  
Be no more melancholy, than to have played for  
A morning draught, vex a rich soul for dirt,  
The quiet of whose every thought is worth  
A Province:  Are. 
But when Dice have consumed all,  
Your patience will not pawn for as much more.  Bor. 
Hang pawning, sell outright, and the fears over.  Are. 
Say you so? I'll have another coach tomorrow  
If there be rich above ground.  Bor. 
I forgot  
To bid the fellow ask my Jeweller,  
Whether the chain of Diamonds be made up,  
I will present it to my Lady Bellamour,  
Fair Celestina.  Are. 
This gown I have worn  
six days already, it looks dull, I'll give it  
My waiting woman, and have one of cloth  
of gold embroidered, shoes and pantables  
Will show well of the same.  Bor. 
I have invited  
A covey of Ladies, and as many gentlemen  
Tomorrow to the Italian Ordinary,  
I shall have rarities, and regalli as  
To pay for Madam, music, wanton songs,  
And tunes of silken petticoats to dance to.  Are. 
And tomorrow have I invited half the Court  
To dine here, what misfortune 'tis your company  
And ours should be divided? after dinner  
I entertain 'em with a play.  Bor. 
By that time  
Your play inclines to the Epilogue, shall we  
quit our Italian host, and whirl in coaches,  
To the dutch Magazine of sauce, the Stillyard,  
Where deal, and Bacharach, and what strange wine else,  
They dare but give a name too in the reckoning  
Shall flow into our room, and drown Westphalias,  
Tongues, and anchovies, like some little town  
Endangered by a sluice, through whose fierce ebb  
We wade and wash ourselves into a boat,  
And bid our Coachmen drive their leather tenements  
By land, while we sail home with a fresh tide  
To some new rendezvous.  Are. 
If you have not  
Pointed the place, pray bring your Ladies hither,  
I mean to have a Ball tomorrow night,  
And a rich banquet for 'em, where we'll dance  
Till morning rise, and blush to interrupt us.  Bor. 
Have you no Ladies i'th' next room, to advance  
A present mirth? What a dull house you govern?  
Farewell, a wife's no company— Aretina,  
J've summed up my estate, and find we may have  
A month good yet.  Are. 
What mean you?  Bo. 
And I do rather  
Be Lord one month of pleasures, to the height  
And rapture of our senses, than be years,  
Consuming what we have in foolish temperance,  
Live in the dark, and no fame wait upon us,  
I will live so, posterity shall stand  
At gaze when I am mentioned.  Are. 
A month good,  
And what shall be done then.  Bor. 
I'll over Sea,  
And trail a pike, with watching, marching, lying  
In trenches, with enduring cold, and hunger,  
And taking here and there a musketshot,  
I can earn every week four shillings Madam,  
And if the bullets favour me to snatch  
Any superfluous limb, when I return  
With good friends, I despair not to be entold  
Poor Knight of Windsor; for your course Madam,  
No doubt you may do well, your friends are great,  
Or if your poverty, and their pride cannot  
Agree, you need not trouble much invention,  
To find a trade to live by, there are customers,  
Farewell, be frolic Madam, if I live  
I will feast all my senses, and not fall  
Less than a Phaeton from my throne of Pleasure,  
Though my estate flame like the world about me.  Are. 
'tis very pretty. Enter Decoy.  
Madam Decoy.  De. 
What melancholy Exit.  
After so sweet a night's work? Have not I  
Showed myself Mistress of my art.  Are. 
A Lady.  De. 
That title makes the credit of the act  
A story higher, y'ave not seen him yet,  
I wonder what he'll say.  Are. 
He's here.  Ale. 
Bear up Enter Alexander and Frederick.  
My little Myrmidon, does not Jack Littleworth  
Follow?  Fre. 
Follow? He fell into the Thames  
At landing.  Alex. 
The devil shall dive for him  
Ere I endanger my silk stockings for him,  
Let the Watermen alone, they have drags and engines,  
When he has drunk his Julip, I shall laugh  
To see him come in pickled the next tide.  Fre. 
he'll never sink, he has such a cork brain.  Ale. 
Let him be hanged or drowned all's one to me,  
Yet he deserves to die by water, cannot  
Bear his wine credibly.  Fre. 
Is not this my Aunt?  Ale. 
And another handsome Lady, I must know her.  Fre. 
My blood is rampant too, I must court somebody,  
As good my Aunt, as any other body.  Are. 
Where have you been cousin?  Fre. 
At the bridge,  
At the bear's foot, where our first health began  
To the fair Aretina, whose sweet company  
Was wished by all, we could not get a lay,  
a Tumbler, a Device, a bona roba  
For any money, drawers were grown dull;  
We wanted our true firks and our vagaries;  
When were you in drink Aunt?  Are. 
How?  Fr. 
Do not Ladies  
Play the good fellows too? there's no true mirth  
Without 'em, I have now such tickling fancies,  
That Doctor of the chair of wit, has read  
A precious lecture, how I should behave  
myself to Ladies, as now for example.  Are. 
Would you practise upon me?  Fre. 
I first salute you,  
You have a soft hand Madam, are you so  
All over?  Are. 
Nephew.  Fre. 
Nay you should but smile,  
And then again I kiss you; and thus draw  
Off your white glove, and start to see your hand  
More excellently white, I grace my own  
Lip with this touch, and turning gently thus,  
Prepare you for my skill in Palmistry,  
Which out of curiosity no Lady  
But easily applies too, the first line  
I took with most ambition to find out,  
Is Venus' girdle, a fair semicircle  
Enclosing both the mount of Sol and Saturn,  
If that appear, she's for my turn, a Lady  
Whom nature has prepared for the career,  
And Cupid at my elbow, I put forward,  
You have this very line, Aunt.  Are. 
The boy's frantic.  Fre. 
You have a Couch or Palate, I can shut  
The Chamber door, every a stranger when  
Your Nephew's coming into play.  Are. 
No more.  Fre. 
Are you so coy to your own flesh and blood?  Al. 
Here take your playfellow, I talk of sport,  
And she would have me marry her.  Fre. 
Here's Littleworth. Enter Littleworth wet.  
Why how now Tutor?  Lit. 
I ha' been fishing.  Fr. 
And what ha' you caught?  Lit. 
My belly full of water.  Al. 
Ha ha, where's thy rapier?  Lit. 
My rapier's is drowned,  
And I am little better, I was up byth' heels,  
And out came a tun of water beside wine.  Al. 
'Thas made thee sober.  Lit. 
Would you have me drunk  
With Water?  Are. 
I hope your fire is quenched by this time.  Fre. 
It is not now, as when your worship walked  
By all the taverns Jack, dry as a bone.  Al. 
You had store of fish under water Jack.  Lit. 
It has made a poor john of me.  Fre. 
I do not think but if we cast an angle  
into his belly, we might find some Pilchards.  Lit. 
And boiled by this time, dear Madam a-bed.  Al. 
Carry but the water Spaniel to a grassplot  
Where he may roll himself, let him but shake  
His ears twice in the Sun, and you may grind him  
Into a posset.  Fre. 
Come thou shalt to my bed  
Poor pickerel.  De. 
Alas sweet gentleman.  Lit. 
I have ill luck, and I should smell by this time,  
I am but new ta'en I am sure, sweet gentlewoman.  De. 
Your servant.  Lit. 
Pray do not pluck off my skin,  
It is so wet, unless you have good eyes  
You'll hardly know it from a shirt.  De. 
Fear nothing.  Are. 
He has sack enough, and I may find his humour. Exeunt.  Al. 
And how is't with your Ladyship? you look  
Without a sunshine in your face.  Are. 
You are glorious  
In mind and habit.  Al. 
Ends of gold and silver.  Are. 
Your other clothes were not so rich, who was  
Your tailor sir?  Al. 
They were made for me long since,  
They have known but two bright days upon my back,  
I had a humour Madam to lay things by,  
They will serve two days more, I think I ha' gold enough  
To go toth' Mercer, I'll now allow myself  
A suit a week as this, with necessary  
Dependences, Beaver, silk stockings, garters,  
And roses in their due conformity,  
Boots are forbid a clean leg, but to ride in,  
My linen every morning comes in new,  
The old goes too great bellies.  Ar. 
You are charitable.  Al. 
I may dine w'ee sometime, or at the Court  
To meet good company, not for the table,  
My clerk o'th' Kitchens here, a witty Epicure,  
A spirit that to please me with what's rare  
Can fly a hundred mile a day to market,  
And make me Lord of Fish and Foul, I shall  
Forget there is a butcher, and to make  
My footmen nimble, he shall feed on nothing  
But wings of wildfowl.  Are. 
These ways are costly.  Al. 
Therefore I'll have it so, I ha' sprung a mine.  Are. 
You make me wonder sir, to see this change  
Of fortune, your revenue was not late  
So plentiful.  Al. 
Hang dirty land and Lordships,  
I won't change one lodging I ha' got  
For the Chamber of London.  Are. 
Strange of such a sudden,  
To rise to this estate, no fortunate hand  
At dice could lift you up so, for 'tis since  
Last night, yesterday, you were no such Monarch.  Al. 
There be more games than dice.  Are. 
It cannot be  
A Mistress, though your person is worth love,  
None possibly are rich enough to feed  
As you have cast the method of your riots,  
A Princess, after all her Jewels must  
Be forced to sell her provinces.  Al. 
Now you talk  
Of Jewels? What do you think of this?  Are. 
A rich one.  Al. 
You'll honour me to wear't, this other toy  
I had from you, this chain I borrowed of you,  
A friend had it in keeping, if your Ladyship  
Want any sum, you know your friend and Alexander,  Are. 
Dare you trust my security.  Al. 
There's gold,  
I shall have more tomorrow.  Are. 
You astonish me, who can supply these?  Al. 
A dear friend I have,  
She promised we should meet again i'th' morning.  Are. 
Not that I wish to know  
More of your happiness, than I have already  
Heart to congratulate, be pleased to lay  
My wonder.  Al. 
'tis a secret.  Are. 
Which I'll die  
Ere I'll betray.  Al. 
You have always wished me well,  
But you shall swear not to reveal the party.  Are. 
I'll lose the benefit of my tongue.  Alex. 
Nor be  
Afraid at what I say, what think you first  
Of an old Witch, a strange ill favoured hag  
That for my company last night, has wrought  
This cure upon my fortune? I do sweat  
To think upon her name.  Are 
How sir a Witch?  Ale. 
I would not fright your Ladyship too much  
At first, but Witches are a kin to Spirits,  
The truth is— nay if you look pale already,  
I ha' done.  Are. 
Sir I beseech you.  Ale. 
If you have  
But courage then to know the truth, I'll tell you  
In one word, my chief friend is the devil.  Are. 
What devil? How I tremble.  Ale. 
Have a heart,  
'twas a she devil too, a most insatiate  
Abominable devil with a tail  
Thus long.  Are. 
Goodness defend me, did you see her?  Al. 
No 'twas i'th' dark, but she appeared first to me  
I'th' likeness of a Bedlam, and was brought  
I know not how, nor whither, by two Goblins,  
More hooded than a Hawk.  Are. 
But would you venture  
Upon a devil?  Al. 
I for means.  Are. 
How black  
An impudence is this? But are you sure  
It was the devil you enjoyed.  Al. 
Say nothing,  
I did the best to please her, but as sure  
As you live, 'twas a hellcat.  Are. 
d'ye not quake?  Al. 
I found myself the very same in i'th' morning,  
Where two of her familiars had left me. Enter Servant.  Ser. 
My Lord is come to visit you.  Al. 
No words,  
As you respect my safety, I ha' told tales  
Out of the devil's school, if it be known  
I lose a friend, 'tis now about the time  
I promised her to meet again, at my  
Return I'll tell you wonders, not a word. Exit.  Are. 
'tis a false glass, sure I am more deformed,  
What have I done, my soul is miserable. Enter Lord.  Lor. 
I sent you a letter Madam.  Are. 
You expressed  
Your noble care of me my Lord. Enter Bornwell, Celestina.  Bor. 
Your Lordship  
Does me an honour.  Lor. 
Madam I am glad  
To see you here, I meant to have kissed your hand  
Ere my return to Court.  Cel. 
Sir Thomas has  
Prevailed to bring me to his trouble hither.  Lor. 
You do him grace.  Bor. 
Why what's the matter Madam?  
Your eyes are tuning Lachrimae.  Are. 
As you  
Do hope for heaven withdraw, and give me but  
The patience of ten minutes.  Born. 
Wonderful!  
I won't hear you above that proportion,  
She talks of heaven, come, where must we to counsel?  Ar. 
You shall conclude me when you please.  Bo. 
I follow.  Lor. 
What alteration is this? I that so late  
Stood the temptation of her eye, and voice,  
Boasted a heart, 'bove all licentious flame,  
At second view turn renegade, and think  
I was too superstitious, and full  
Of phlegm not to reward her amorous Courtship  
With manly freedom.  Cel. 
I obey you sir.  Bor. 
I'll wait upon your Lordship presently.  Lor. 
She could not want a cunning to seem honest  
When I neglected her, I am resolved,  
You still look pleasant Madam.  Cel. 
I have cause  
My Lord, the rather for your presence, which  
Hath power to charm all trouble in my thoughts.  Lor. 
I must translate that compliment and owe  
All that is cheerful in myself to these  
All quickening smiles, and rather than such bright  
Eyes should repent their influence upon me,  
I would release the aspects, and quit the bounty  
Of all the other stars; Did you not think me  
A strange and melancholy gentleman  
To use you so unkindly.  Cel. 
Me my Lord?  Lor. 
I hope you made no loud complaint, I would not  
Be tried by a Jury of Ladies.  Cel. 
For what my Lord?  Lor. 
I did not meet that noble entertainment,  
You were late pleased to show me.  Cel. 
I observed  
No such defect in your Lordship, but a brave  
And noble fortitude.  Lor. 
A noble folly  
I bring repentance for't, I know you have  
Madam a gentle faith, and won't ruin  
What you have built to honour you.  Cel. 
What's that?  Lor. 
If you can love I'll tell your Ladyship.  Cel. 
I have a stubborn soul else.  Lor. 
You are all  
Composed of harmony.  Cel. 
What love d'ye mean?  Lor. 
That which doth perfect both, Madam you have heard  
I can be constant, and if you consent  
To grace it so, there is a spacious dwelling  
Prepared within my heart for such a Mistress.  Cel. 
Your Mistress, my good Lord?  Lor. 
Why my good Lady?  
Your sex doth hold it no dishonour  
To become Mistress to a noble servant  
In the now court, platonic way, consider  
Who 'tis that pleads to you, my birth, and present  
Value can be no stain to your embrace,  
But these are shadows when my love appears,  
Which shall in his first miracle return  
Me in my bloom of youth, and thee a Virgin,  
When I within some new Elysium  
Of purpose made and meant for us, shall be  
In every thing Adonis, but in his  
Contempt of love, and court thee from a Daphne  
Hid in the cold rind of a bashful tree,  
With such warm language, and delight, till thou  
Leap from that bays into the queen of love,  
And pay my conquest with composing garlands  
Of thy own myrtle for me.  Cel. 
What's all this?  Lor. 
Consent to be my Mistress Celestina,  
And we will have it Springtime all the year,  
Upon whose invitations when we walk,  
The winds shall play soft descant to our feet,  
And breathe rich odours to repure the air,  
Green bowers on every side shall tempt our stay,  
And Violets stoop to have us tread upon 'em.  
The red rose shall grow pale, being near thy cheek,  
And the white blush o'ercome with such a forehead,  
Here laid, and measuring with ourselves some bank,  
A thousand birds shall from the woods repair.  
And place themselves so cunningly, behind  
The leaves of every tree, that while they pay  
As tribute of their songs, thou shalt imagine  
The very trees bear music, and sweet voices  
Do grow in every arbour, here can we  
Embrace and kiss, tell tales, and kiss again,  
And none but heaven our rival.  Cel. 
When we are  
Weary of these, what if we shift our Paradise?  
And through a grove of tall and even pine,  
Descend into a Valley, that shall shame  
All the delights of Tempe, upon whose  
Green plush the graces shall be called to dance  
To please us, and maintain their Fairy revels,  
To the harmonious murmurs of a stream  
That gently falls upon a rock of pearl,  
Here doth the Nymph forsaken Echo dwell,  
To whom we'll tell the story of our love,  
Till at our surfeit and her want of joy,  
We break her heart with envy, not far off  
A grove shall call us to a wanton river,  
To see a dying Swan give up the ghost,  
The fishes shooting up their tears in bubbles  
That they must lose the Genius of their waves,  
And such love linsey woolsey, to no purpose.  Lor. 
You chide me handsomely, pray tell me how  
You like this language.  Cel. 
Good my Lord forbear.  Lor. 
You need not fly out of this circle Madam,  
These widows so are full of circumstance,  
I'll undertake in this time I ha' courted  
Your Ladyship for the toy, to ha' broken ten,  
Nay twenty colts, Virgins I mean, and taught 'em  
The amble, or what pace I most affected.  Cel. 
Y'are not my Lord again, the Lord I thought you.  
And I must tell you now, you do forget  
yourself and me.  Lor. 
You'll not be angry Madam.  Cel 
Nor rude, though gay men have a privilege,  
It shall appear, there is a man my Lord  
Within my acquaintance, rich in worldly fortunes,  
But cannot boast any descent of blood,  
Would buy a coat of arms.  Lor. 
He may, and legs booted and spurred to ride into the country.  Cel. 
But these will want antiquity: my Lord  
The seal of honour, what's a coat cut out  
But yesterday to make a man a gentleman?  
Your family as old, as the first virtue  
That merited an Escutcheon, doth owe  
A glorious coat of arms, if you will sell now  
All that your name doth challenge in that ensign,  
I'll help you to a chapman, that shall pay  
And pour down wealth enough for't.  Lor. 
Sell my arms?  
I cannot Madam.  Cel. 
Give but your consent,  
You know not how the state may be inclined  
To dispensation, we may prevail  
Upon the Herald's office afterward.  Lor. 
I'll sooner give these arms toth' hangman's axe,  
My head, my heart, to twenty executions  
Than sell one atom from my name.  Cel. 
Change that,  
And answer him would buy my honour from me.  
Honour that is not worn upon a flag  
Or pennon, that without the owner's dangers,  
An enemy may ravish, and bear from me,  
But that which grows and withers with my soul,  
Beside the Body's stain, think, think my Lord  
To what you would unworthily betray me,  
If you would not for price of gold, or pleasure,  
(If that be more your idol) lose the glory  
And painted honour of your house— I ha' done.  Lor. 
Enough to rectify a satire's blood,  
Obscure my blushes here. Enter Sentlove and Hairecut.  Ha. 
Or this or sight with me,  
It shall be no exception that I wait  
Upon my Lord, I am a gentleman,  
You may be less and bea Knight, the office,  
I do my Lord is honest sir, how many  
Such you have been guilty of, heaven knows.  Sent. 
'tis no fear of your sword, but that I would not  
Break the good laws established against duels.  Ha. 
Oft with your periwig, and stand bare.  Lor. 
From this  
Minute I'll be a servant to thy goodness,  
A Mistress in the wanton sense is common,  
I'll honour you with chaste thoughts, and call you so.  Cel 
I'll study to be worth your fair opinion.  Lor. 
Sent love, your head was used to a covering,  
Beside a hat, when went the hair away.  Sent. 
I laid a wager my Lord with Hairecut,  
Who thinks I shall catch cold, that I'll stand bare  
This half hour.  Ha. 
Pardon my ambition  
Madam, I told you truth, I am a gentleman,  
And cannot fear that name is drowned in my  
Relation to my Lord.  Cel. 
I dare not think so.  Ha. 
From henceforth call my service duty Madam,  
That pig's head that betrayed me to your mirth,  
Is doing penance for't.  Sent. 
Why may not I  
My Lord begin a fashion of no hair.  Cel. 
Do you sweat sir william.  Sent. 
Not with store of nightcaps.  Enter Aretina, Bornwell. Are. 
Heaven has dissolved the clouds that hung upon  
My eyes, and if you can with mercy meet  
A penitent, I throw my own will off,  
And now in all things obey yours, my nephew  
Send back again toth' college, and myself  
To what place you'll confine me.  Bor. 
Dearer now  
Than ever to my bosom, thou shalt please  
Me best to live at thy own choice, I did  
But fright thee with a noise of my expenses,  
The sums are safe, and we have wealth enough,  
If yet we use it nobly? My Lord— Madam,  
Pray honour tonight.  Are. 
I beg your presence,  
And pardon.  Bor. 
I know not how my Aretina  
May be disposed tomorrow for the country.  Cel 
You must not go, before you both have done  
Me honour to accept an entertainment,  
Where I have power, on those terms I'm your guest.  Bor. 
You grace us Madam.  Are. 
Already  
I feel a cure upon my soul, and promise  
My after life to virtue, pardon heaven,  
My shame yet hid from the world's eye.  De. 
Sweet Madam. Enter decoy.  Ar. 
Not for the world be seen here, we are lost,  
I'll visit you at home; but not to practise  
What she expects, my counsel may recover her.  Enter Alexander. Al. 
Where's Madam? pray lend me a little money,  
My spirit has deceived me, Proserpine  
Has broke her word.  Are. 
Do you expect to find  
The devil true to you.  Al. 
Not too loud.  Are. 
I'll voice it  
Louder, to all the world your horrid sin,  
Unless you promise me religiously,  
To purge your foul blood by repentance sir.  Al. 
Then I'm undone.  Are. 
Not while I have power  
To encourage you to virtue, I'll endeavour  
To find you out some nobler way at Court  
To thrive in.  Al. 
Do't, and I'll forsake the devil,  
And bring my flesh to obedience; you shall steer me,  
My Lord— your servant.  Lor. 
You are brave again.  Al. 
Madam your pardon.  Bor. 
Your offence requires  
Humility.  Al. 
Low as my heart. Sir Thomas  
I'll sup with you, a part of satisfaction.  Bor. 
Our pleasures cool, music, and when our Ladies  
Are tired with active motion, to give  
Them rest in some new rapture to advance  
Full mirth, our souls shall leap into a dance.  Exeunt.  
FINIS.