merry Tales Newly Imprinted & made by Master Skelton Poet Laureate.  
¶ Imprinted at London in Fleet street beneath the Conduit at the sign of S. john Evangelist, by Thomas Colwell.   


G. STERVENS.    
Here beginneth certain merry tales of Skelton, Poet Laureate.  

¶ How Skelten came late home to Oxford, from Abington. Tale i  
Skelton was an english man borne as Skogyn was, and he was educated & brought up in Oxfoorde: And there was he made a Poet Laureate. And on a time he had been at Abbington to make merry, where that he had eat salt meats and he did come late home to Oxford, and he did lie in an Ine named the Tabere which is now the Angel, and he did drink & went to bed. About midnight he was so thirty or dry that he was constrained to call to the tapster for drink, & the tapster hard him not, Then he cried to his host & his ostes, and to the ostler for drink and no man would ●ere him, alack said Skelton I shall perish for lack of drink, what reamedye. At the last he did cry out and said Fire, Fire, Fire.  
Then Skelton heard every man bustled himself upward, & some of them were naked, & some were half a sleep and a ●as●d, and Skelton did c●ye Fire Fire (still) that every man knew not whether to resort. Skelton did go to bed, and the host and ostis & the tapster with the ostler, did ●●ne to Skelton's chamber with candles lighted in their hands saying where? where, where, is the fire, here here here, said Skelton & pointed his finger to his mouth, saying fetch me some drink to quench the fire and the heat and the dryness in my mouth, & so they did: wherefore, it is good for every man to help his own self in time of need with some policy or craft, so be it there be no deceit nor falsehood used.   

¶ How Skelton dressed the Kendal man, in the sweat time.  
ON a time Skelton road from Oxford to London with a Kendalman and at Oxbridge they ●eyted: the Kendal man laid his cap upon the board in the hall, and he went to serve his horse: Skelton took the Kendalmans cap, and did put betwixt the lining & the viter side a dish of butter: and when the Kendalman had dressed his horse, he did come into dinner, and did put on his cap, (that time the sweeting sickness was in all England) at the last, when the butter had take heat of the kendallmans' head, it did begin to run over his face and about his cheeks. Skelton said: sir, you sweat sore: beware that you have not the sweeting sickness: the Kendalman said: by the Miss Isewrang. I bus go till bed Skelton said: I am skilled on physic, & specially in the sweeting sickness, that I will warrant any man, In gewd faith saith the Kendallman: do see, and Isee bay for your skott to London. Then said Skelton: get you a kerchief and I will bring you a bed, the which was done, Skelton caused the cap to be sod in boat ●ee, & dried it: in the morning Skelton and the Kendalman did ride merely to London.   

¶ How Skelton told the man that christ was very busy in the woods with them that made faggots. Tale iii  
WHen Skelton did come to London there were many men at the table at dinner. Amongst all other there was one said to Skelten: Be you of Oxford, or of Cambridge a scholar? Skelton said: I am of Oxford. Sir said the man, I will put you a question you do know well that after christ did rise from death to life▪ it was xl. days after ere he did ascend in to heaven, and he was but certain times with his disciples, and when that he did appear to them, he did never tarry long amongst them, but suddenly vanished from them, I would fain know (saith the man to Skelton) where christ was all these xl days. Where he was, saith Skelton, God knoweth, he was very ●us●e in the woods among his labourers that did make faggots to burn heretics, & such as thou art the which dost ask such diffuse questions: but now I will tell thee more: when he was not with his mother & his Disciples, he was in Paradise, to comfort the holy patriarchs and Prophets souls, the which before he had fet out of Hell. And at the day of his Ascension, he took them all up with him into heaven.   

¶ How the Welshman did desire Skelton to aid him in his ●ute to the King, for a Patent to sell drink. The four Tale.  
SKelton when he was in London, went to the Kings Court, where there did come to him a Welshman, saying: Sir, it is so, that many doth come up of my country to the K●ngs Court, and some doth get of the King by Patent, a Castle, and some a Park, & some a Forest, & some one Fee, and some another, and they do live like honest men, and I should live as honestly as the best if I might have a Pasyne for good drink: Wherefore I do pray you to write a ●ewe words for me in a little Bill to give the same to the Kings hands, and I will give you well for your labour: I am contented▪ said Skelton. Sit down then said the welshman and write. What shall I write said Skelton? The Welshman said, write: Drink. Now said the Welshman write, more Drink. What now said Skelton? Write now: a great deal of drink. Now said the Welshman: Put to all this Drink: A little crome of Bread, and a great deal of Drink to it, and read once again. Skelton did read: Drink: more Drink: & a great deny of Drink: And a little crome of bread: and a great deal of Drink to it. Then the Welsheman said: Put out the little crome of Bread, and sert in: all Drink, and no bread. And if I might have this signed of the King, said the Welshman, I care for no more as long as I do live 〈◊〉 Well then, said Skelton, when you have this Signed of the King, then will I labour for a patent to have bread that you with your Drink, and I with the Bread may far well, and seek our living with bag and staff.   

¶ Of Swanborne the knave, that was buried under Saint Peter's wall in Oxford.  
THere was dwelling in Oxford a stark knave, whose name was Swanborn, & he was such a notable knave, that if any scholar had fallen out th'one with tother: the one would call tother Swanborn, the which they did take for a worse word than knave: His wife would divers times in the week kimbe his head with a iii footed stool: Then he would run out of the doors weeping, and if any man had asked him what he did ail, other while he would say he had the megrim in his head, or else, there was a great smoke within the house, & if the doors were shut, his wife would beat him under the bed, or into the bench hole, & then he would look out at the cat hole, then would his wife say, lookest thou out whoreson: yea, would he say, thou shalt never let me of my manly looks: then with her distaff she would poor in at him. I kn●w him when that he was a boy in Oxford, he was a little old fellow, and would lie, as fast as a horse would troite. At last he died and was buried under the wall of s. Peter's church,  
Then Skelton was desired to make an epitaph upon the Church wall, & did write with a role, saying: Beelzebub his soul save, qui jacet hic ●ee a Knave, iamsci, mortuus est, et jacet hic he● a Beast, Sepui tus est among the weeds: God forgive him his misdeeds.   

¶ How Skelton was complained on to the Bishop of Norwich. Tale vi  
SKelton did keep a Musket at Dys, upon the which he was complained ●n to the Bishop of Norwye●. The bishop sent for Skelton. Skelton did take two Capons: to give them for a present to the Bishop. And as soon as he had saluted the bishop, he said: My Lord, here I have brought you a couple of Capons. The Bishop was blind, and said: Who be you. I am Skelton said Skelton. The Bishop said: A hoar head, I will none of thy Capons: Thou keepest unhappy rule in thy house, for the which thou shalt be punished.  
What, said Skelton: Is the wind at that door? And said: God be with you my Lord: and Skelton with his Capons went his way. The Bishop sent after Skelton to come again, Skelton said. What shall I I come again to speak with a mad man. At last he returned to the Bishop, which said to him: I would, said the Bishop, that you should not live such a slanderous life, that all your parish should not wonder & complain on you as they do, I pray you amend, and here after live honestly, that I hear no more such words of you: And if you will tarry dinner, you shall be welcome: and I thank you said the bishop for your Capons. Skelton said: My Lord My Capons have proper Names: The one is named Alpha, the other is named Omega. My Lord, said Skelton: This Capon is named Alpha, this is the first Capon that I did ever give to you. And this Capon is named Omega, and this is the last capon that ever I w●l give you & so far you well, said Skelton.   

¶ How Skelton when he came from the bishop, made a Sermon. Tale vii  
SKelton the next sunday after went in to the pulpit to preach▪ and said: v●s estis v●s estis, that is to say: You be● you be. And what ●e you, said Skelton: I say, that you be a sort of knaves, yea, and a man might say, worse than knaves. And why, I shall show you: you have complained of me to the Bishop that I do keep a fair wench in my house. I do tell you: If you had any fair wives it were some what to help me at need. I am a man as you be: you have foul wives, and I have a fair wench, of the which, I have begotten a fair Boy, as I do think, and as you all shall see: Thou wife, said Skelton, that hast my child be not afraid bring me hither my child to me: the which was done. And he showing his child naked to all the Parish, said: How say you neighbours all: is not this child as fair as is the best of all yours? It hath nose, eyes, hands and feet as well as any of your, It is not like a pig, nor a ealfe, nor like no soul, nor no monstrous Beast. If I had, said Skelton, brought forth this child without arms or legs: or that it were deformed being a monstrous thing, I would never have blamed you to have complained to the bishop of me, but to complain without a cause. I say as I said before in my Antethem. vos estis. You be, and have be, & will and shall be knaves to complain of me without a cause reasonable. For you be presumptuous, & do exalt yourselves, and therefore you shall be made low: as I shall show you a familiar example of a Parish Priest, the which did make a sermon in Rome. And he did take that for his antethem the which of late days is named a Theme, and said: Quescexaltat humilabitui, et queses humiliat exaltabitur, that is to say: he that doth exalt himself or doth extol himself shallbe made meek, & he that doth humble himself or ●s meek, shallbe exalted, extoulled or, elevated, or sublimated or, such like, and that I will show you by this my cap: This cap was first my ●oode, when that I was Studente in jucalico, & then it was so proud that it would not be contented but it would slip and fall from my shoulders. I perceiving this that he was proud, what then did I, shortly to conclude: I did make of him, a pair of breeches to my hose, to bring him low. And when that I did see, know or perceive that he was in that case, and all most worn clean out: what did I then to extol him up again, You all may see that this my cap was made of it that was my breeches. Therefore said Skelton: vos estis: Therefore you ●ce as I did say before: if t●at you exalt yourself, and cannot be contented that I have my we●che still, some of you stall wear horns: and therefore vos estis, and so farewell: It is merry in the hall, when beards wag all.   

¶ How the Friar asked leare of Skelton to preach at Dys, which Skelton would not grant tale viii  
THere was a Fry●t the which did come to S●elton to have licence to preach at Dys: What would you preach there said Skelton: Do not you think, that I am sufficient to preach there in mine own ever? Sir said the friar: I am the Limyter of Norwyth, and once a year one of our place doth use to preach with you, to take the devotion of the people, and if I may have your good will so be it, or else I will come and preach against your will, by the authority of the Byshope of Rome, for I have his Bu●les to preach in every place, and therefore I will be there on sunday next● coming. Came not there friar I do counsel thee, said Skelton The sunday next following Skelton laid watch for the coming of the Frere: And as soon as Skelton had knowledge of the friar, he went into the Pulpit to preach. At last, the friar did come into the Church with the Bishop of Rome's Bulls in his hand. Skelton then said to all his Parish: See, see see, and pointed to thee Fryere, All the parish gazed on the frere. Then said Skelton: Masters here is as wonderful a thing, as ever was seen: you all do know, that it is a thing daily seen: a bull doth beget a Calf, but here contrary to all nature: a Calf hath gotten a bull: for this Fryere b●eynge a Calf, hath gotten a Bul●e of the bishop of Rome. ●he Fryere being ashamed, would never after that time presume to preach at Dys.   

¶ How Skelton handled the Friar that would needs lie with him in his Inn. Tale ix  
AS Skelton rid into the country There was a Frere that happened in at an ale house where as Skelton was lodged and there the F●●re did desire to have lodging. The 〈◊〉 said: syr. I have but one be●● where as master Skelton doth lie▪ sir said the f●●re. I pray you that I may lie with you. Skelton said ●●ester Frere. I do use to have no man to lie with me. Sir said the frere I have line with as good men as you and for my money, I do look to have lodging as well as you. Well, said Skelton, I do see than that you will lie with me. Yea sir said the Frere. Skelton did fill all the cups in the house and whittled the Frere, that at the last, the Frere was in mine cames' peason. Then said Skelton master friar, get you to bed, and I will come to bed within a while, The Frere went and did lie upright▪ and snorted like a sow. Skelton went to the chamber, and did see that the friar did lie so, said to the wife: give me a washing be●le. Skelton then cast down the clothes, and the friar did lie stark naked: then Skelton did shit upon the Freres navel and belly. And then he did take the washing beetle, and did strike an hard stroke upon the Navel & belly of the friar, and did put out the candle, and went out of the chamber: the friar felt his belly, & smelled a foul savour, had thought he had been gored, and cried out and said: help, help, help, I am killed. They of the house with Skelton went in to the chamber and asked what the friar did ail. The friar said: I am killed, one hath thrust me in the belly. Foyes, said Skelton: thou drunken soul, thou dost lie, thou haste be shitten thyself. Foyes, said Skelton let us go out of the chamber for the knave doth stink. The friar was a shamed, and cried for water. Out with the whoreson, said Skelton, and wrap the sheets together, and put the friar in the hog sty, or in the Barn, The friar said, give me some water into the Barn, and there the friar did wash him self, and did lie there all the night long▪ The chamber and the bed was dressed, and the sheets shifted, and then Skelton went to bed.   

¶ How the cardinal desired Skelton to make an epitaph upon his grave. Tale ten  
THomas Wolsey cardinal & Archbishop of York, had made a regal Tomb to lie in after he was dead. And be desired Master Skelton to make for his Tomb an epitaph, which is a memorial to show the life with the Acts of a Noble man. Skelton said: If it do like your grace I can not make an epitaph unless that I do see your Tomb. The cardinal said: I do pray you to meet with me tomorrow at the w●st Monest●●ye and there shall ●ou see tomb: A making, the point ●ent kept And Skelton, Seeing the sumptuous cost, more pertaining for an Emperor or a Maxymyous King, then for such a man as he was (although cardinal's will compare with Kings) w●ll said Skelton: If it shall like you● grate to creep into this ●ombe whiles you be a live. I can make an epitaph: for I am sure that whe● that you be dead, you shall never have it. The which was verified of truth.   

¶ How the Ostler did bite Skelton's Mare under the tale, for biting him by the arm. Tale xi  
SKelton used much to ride on a mare. And on a time he happened into an Inn, where there was a foolish Ostler. Skelton said: Ostler hast thou any Mare's bread. No sir, said the Ostler. I have good horsebread, but I have no mares bread. Skelton said: I must have Mare's bread. Sir said the Ostler. There is no Mares bred to get in all the town, Well, said Skelton, for this once, serve my Mare with Horse bread. In the mean time Skelton commanded the Ostler to saddle his Mare, & and the Hosteler did gird th● Mare hard, and the Ostler was in his jerkin, and his shirt sleeves we● above his elbows, and in the girding of the Mare hard the Mare bit the Ostler by the arm, and bit him sore. The Ostler was angry, and did bite the Mare under the tail saying a whore, is it good by●ing by the bare arm. Skelton said then Why fellow hast thou hurt my Mare? Yea said the Ostler, ●a ●●ka thee. If she do hurt me, I will displease her.   

¶ How the Cobbler told master Skelton, it is good sleeping in a whole skin. Tale xii,  
IN the parish of Dys where as skelton was Person, there dwelled a cobbler, being half a souter, which was a tall man and a great sloven, otherwise named a slouche, The Kings Majesty having Wars byyonde the sea. Skelton said to this a foresaid doughty man. neighbour, you be a tall man, and in the Kings wars you must bear a standard. A standard, said the cobbler, what a thing is that. Skelton said: it is a great banner, such a one as thou doest use to bear in Rogation work, and a Lords, or a Knights, or a gentle man's arms shall be upon it, and the Soldiers that be under the afore said persons fayghting under thy Banner: fayghting, said the Cobbeler: I can no skill in fighting: no said Skelton, thou shalt not fayght, but hold up, and advance the banner. By my faith, said the cobbler, I can no skill in the matter, Well said Skelton there is no remedy but thou shalt forth to do the Kings service in his Wars, for in all this Country there is not a more likelier man to do such as feat as thou art. Sir said the Cobbeler: I will give you a fat Capon, that I may be at home. No, said Skelton, I will not have none of thy Capons: For thou shalt do the King service in his wars. Why, said the cobbler what should I do, will you have me to go in the Kings wars and to be killed for my labour? then I shall be well at ease, for I shall have my mends in my noun hands. What knave, said Skelton, art thou a coward, having so great Bones? No said the Cobbler. I am not a feared: it is good to flepe in a whole skin. Why said Skelton: thou shalt be harnessed to keep away the strokes from thy skin. By my faith, said the Cobbler, if I must needs forth, I will see how each shall be ordered. Skelton did harness the doughty Squirrel, and did put an helmet on his head, and when the helmet was on the cobblers head, the Cobbler said, What shall those holes serve for. Skelton saydeholes to look out to see thy enemies, yea, said the Cobbler, then am I in worse case than ever I was: for then one may come and thrust a nail into one of the holes and prick out mine eye. Therefore, said the Cobbler to Master Skelton: I will not go to War: my wife shall go in my stead, for she can fight and play the devil with her distaff, and with stole, staff cup, or candlestick: for up my faith I cham sick, I chill go home to bed, I think I shall die.   

¶ How Master Skelton's Miller deceived him many times, by playing the thief, and how he was pardoned by Master Skelton, after the stealing a way of a Priest out of his bed, at midnight. Tale xiii  
WHen Master Skelton did dwell in the country, he was a greed with a Miller to have his corn ground, tolle free and many times when his maiden should bake, they wanted of their meal, and complained to their Mistress that they could not make their ●●int of bread. Mistress Skelton being very angry, to the her husband of it: Then Master, Skelton sent for his Miller and asked him how it chanced that he deceived him of his corn: I said john miller, nay surely I never deceived you, if that you can prove that by me do with me as you lift, surely said Skelton if I do find thee false any more, thou shal● he hanged up by the neck. So Skelton appointed one of his servants ●o stand at the mill while the corn was a grinding, john miller being a notable these, would fo●n have deceived him as he had dou before, but being afraid of Skelton's servant, caused his wife to put one of her children into the mill dam: and to cry help help, my child is drowned, with that john miller and all went out of the Mill, & Skelton's servant being diligent to help the child thought not of the meal, and the while the millers boy was ready with a sack and stole away the corn, so when they had taken up the child and all was safe, they came in again: & so the servant having his gripped, went home mistrusting nothing, and when the maids came to bake again, as they did before so they lacked of their meal again. Master Skelton cold for his man▪ and asked him how it chanced that he was deceived, & he said that he could not tell, for I did your commandment. And then Master Skelton sent for the miller, and said, thou hast not used me well for I want of my meal▪ why what would you have me do said the miller, you have set your own man to watch me. Well then said Skelton, if thou dost not tell me which way thou hast played the thief with me, thou shalt be hanged. I pray you be good master unto me, & I will tell you the trutthe: your servant would not from my mill, & when I saw none other remedy I caused my wife to put one of my children in to the water, & to cry that it was drowned: and vo●les we were helping of the child out, one of my boys did steal your corn. Yea, said Skelton: if thou have such pretty fetchiss, you can do more than this. And therefore, if thou dost not one thing that I shall tell thee. I will follow the law on thee. What is that▪ said the miller: If that thou doest not steal my cup of the table, when I am set at meat, thou shalt not escape my hands. O good Master, said john Miller, I pray you forgive me, and let me not do this, I am not able to do it. Thou shalt never be forgiven, said Skelton, without thou doest it. When the Miller saw no remedy, he went & charged one of his boys, in an evening (when that Skelton was at supper) to set fire in one of his bogs ●●ies, far from any house, for doing any harm.  
And it chanced, that one of Skelton's servants came out, and spied the fire, and he cryede: help, help: for all that my master hath, is like to be burnt. His master hearing this, rose from his supper with all the company, and went to quench the fire. And the while john Miller came in: and stole away his cup, & went his way. The fire being quickly slaked, Skelton came in with his friends, and reasoned with his friends which way they thought the fire should come, and every man made answer as they thought good. And as they were reasoning Skelton called for a cup of bear, and in no wise his cup which be used to drink in, would not be found, Skeleon was very angry that his cup was mysing, and asked which way it should be gone. And no man could tell him of it. At last he be thought him of the Miller, & said surely, he, that thief hath done this deed, and he is worthy to be hauged. And he sent for the Miller: so the Miller told him all how he had done. Truly said Skelton, thou art a not able knave. And without thou canst do me one other seat, thou shalt die. O good Master, said the Miller, you promised to pardon me, and will you now break your promise? I said Skelton, without thou canst steal the sheets of my bed, when my wife and I am a sleep, there: shalt ●e hanged that all sothe knaves shall take ensample by thee. Alas, said the Miller, which way shall I do this thing, it is unpossible for me to get them while you be there. Well, said Skelton, with out thou do it, thou knowest the danger. The miller went his way, being very heavy, & studied which way he might do this deed, He having a little boy. Which knew all the corners of Skelton's house, & where he lay. Upon a night when they were all busy, the boy crept in under his bed, with a pot of yeste, and when Skelton & his wife were fast a sleep, he all to nointed the sheets with yeste, as far as he could reach. At last Skelton awaked & felt the sheets all weet, waked his wife and said: what, hast thou be shitten the bed? and she said nay, it is you that have done it, I think, for I am sure it is not I And so theate fell a great strife between Skelton and his wife thinking that the bed had been be shitten, and called for the maid to give them a clean pair of sheets. And so they arose & the maid took the foul sheets and threw them underneath the bed, thinking the next morning to have fetched them away. The next time the maids should go to washing▪ they looked all about and could not find the sheets▪ for jacke the millers boy had stolen them away: then the miller was sent for again, to know where the sheets were be come: & the miller told master Skelton all, how he devised to steal the sheets. How say ye, said Skelton to his friends: is not this a notable thief, is he not worthy to be hanged, that can do these deeds. O good Master, quoth the Miller, now for give me according to your, promise, for I have done all that you have commanded me, and I trust now you will pardon me. Nay, quoth Skelton thou shalt do yet one other feat, and that shall be this: Thou shalt steal master Person out of his bed, at midnight, that he shall not know where he is ●e come, The Miller made great moan, and lamented saying: I can not tell in the world how I shall do, for I am never able to do this feat: well▪ said Skelton, thou shalt do it or else thou shalt find no favour at my hands▪ and therefore go thy way, The Miller being sorry, devised wi●h himself which way he might bring this thing to pass. And ii or iii nights after, gathered a number of Sna●●es, & 'greed with the Sereen of the Church, to have the key of the Church door and went into the Church between the hours of a xi and xii in the night, & took the snails. And lygh●●d a sort of little wax candles▪ & set upon every s●ayl● one, & the Snails chepte about the Church with the ●●●e candles upon their boches, and then he went into the 〈◊〉 put a Cope upon his 〈◊〉 & stood very solemnly at the high A●ter with a book in his hand, and after ward called the 〈◊〉, that the Priest ●●●nge in the Church yard might hear him▪ the priest hearing the bell took, start out of his sl●pe and looked out of his window and saw such a light in the Church▪ was very much amazed, and thought surely that the Church had been on fire, and went for to see what wonder it should b●▪ And when he came there he found the Church door open, and went up into the quire and see the mi●ler standing in his vestments, and a book in his hand praying devoutly, & all the lights in the Church, thought surely with himself it was some Angel come down from heaven or some other great miracle, blessed himself and said: In the name of the father the son and the holy ghost: What art thou that standest here in this holly place, O said the miller: I am saint Peter, which kept the Keys of heaven gate, and thou knowest that none can enter into heaven except I let him in, and I am sent out from heaven for thee. For me, quoth the Priest: Good saint Peter, worship may thou be,) I am glad to hear that news,) Because thou hast done good deeds laid the miller, and served God▪ ●ee hath sent for thee afore domes day come, that thou shalt not know the troubles of the world. O▪ blessed be God, said the Priest: I am very well contented for to go: yet if it would please God to let me go home and distribute such things as I have to the poor, I would be very glad? No said the Miller if thou doest delight more in thy goods, then in the joys of heaven, thou art not for God, therefore preyare thyself, and go into this bag which I have brought for thee. The miller having a great quarter sack, the poor Priest went into it, thinking verylye he had gone to heaven, yet was very sorry to part from his goods: Asked saint Peter how long it would be ere he came there: the miller said he should be there quickly, and in he got the Priest and tied up the sacks, and put out the lights, & laid every thing in their place, and took the priest on his back & locked the church doors & to go, and when he came to go over the church style, the Priest was very heavy, and the Miller ●as●e him over the style that the priest ●●yed of. O good s●int Peter said the Priest, whither go I now, O said the miller: These be the pangs that ye must adyde before y●n come to heaven. O ●●eth the Priest, I would I were there once. Up he got the Priest again & carried him till he c●me to the top of an high hill, a 〈◊〉 from his house, and cast him down the hill that his head had many shrewd raps, that his neck was almost b●●st: O good saint Peter said the Priest: where am I now: you are almost now at heaven, & carried him with much a do, till he came to his own house, and then the miller threw him over the threshold. O good saint Peter, said the Priest: Where am I now, this is the sore●●e pang that ever I vynde. O said that miller: give GOD thanks that thou haste had patience to a bide all this pain, for now thou art● going up into heaven, and tied a rope a bout the sack, and drew him up to the top of the Chymnye, and there let him hang. O good S. Peter, tell me now where I am said the Priest. Marry said he, thou art now in the tope of john Miller's chimney. A vengeance on thee knave: said the Priest: hast thou made me believe all this while that I was going up into heaven? Well, now I am here, & ever I come down again▪ I will make thee to repent it: But john miller was glad that he had brought him there. And in the morning, the Sexton rang all in to service, & when the people were come to Church, the Priest was lacking, the parish asked the sexton where the Priest was, and the sexton said, I can not tell. Then the parish sent to master Skelton, and told how their Priest was lacking to say them service. Master Skelton marveled at that, and bethought him of the ●rafty doing of the Miller, sent for john miller: and when the Miller was come. Skelton said: to the miller: canst thou tell where the parish Priest is▪ The miller up and told him all together how he had done. Master Skelton considering the matter, said to the Miller: why thou unreverent knave, hast thou hanled the poor Priest on this fashion, and put on the holy ornaments upon a knaves back: thou shalt be hanged & it cost me all the good I have. john miller fell upon his knees and desired Master Skelton to pardon him, for I did nothing said the miller, but that you said you would forgive me. Nay not so, said Skelton. But if thou canst steal my gelding out of my stable my two men watching him. I will pardon thee, and if they take thee they shall strike of thy head: For Skelton thought it better that such a false knave should lose his head, them to live. Then john miller was very sad, & bethought him how to bring it to pass. Then he remembered that there was a man left hanging upon the gallows, the day before, went privily in the night and took him down, and cut of his head, and put it upon a pole & broke a hole into the stable and put in a candle lighted: thrusting in the head, a little & a little. The men watching the stable saying that, got themselves near to the hole (thinking that it was his head, & one of them with his sword cut if of. Then they for gladness presented it unto their master, leaving the stable door open: then john Miller went in and stole away the ge●ding. Master Skelton looking upon the head, saw it was the thieves head that was left hanging upon the galawes▪ said: alas now oft hath this false knave deceived us Go quickly to the stable again, for I thinks my gelding is gone. His men going back again found it even so. Then they came again show your grace. Say on thou door ●ead, said the cardinal to Skelton. I pray your grace to let me lie down and wallow, for I can kneel no longer.   

¶ How the vintner's wife put water into Skelton's wine. tale xu  
SKelton did love well a cup of good wine. And on a day, he did make merry in a Tavern in London: and the morrow after he sent to the same place again for a quart of the same wine he drunk of before, the which was clean changed & brewed again. Skelton perceiving this, he went to the Tavern & did sit down in a chair & did sigh very sore and made great lamentation, The wife of the house perceiving this, said to master Skelton how is it with you master Skelton: he answered and said: I did never so evil, and then he did reach an other great sigh, saying: I am afraid that I shall never be sawed, nor cum to heaven, why said the wife should you despair so much in God's me●cy? Nay said he, it is passed all remedy. Then said the wife: I do pray you break your mind unto me. O said Skelton I would gladly show you the cause of my de●our if that I witted that you would keep my counsel. Sir said she, I have been made of council of greater matters than you can show me. Nay nay said Skelton, my matter passeth all other matters, for I think I shall sink to hell for my great offences: for I sent this day to you for Wine to says mass with all; and we have a strong law that every priest is bound to put into his Chalice when he doth sing or say mass, some wine and water: the which doth signify the water & blood that did run out of Christ'S side when Longeons the blind knight did thrust a spear to Christ's heart: & this day I did put no water into my wine, when that I did put wine into my Chalys. Then said the Uintiners wife: Be merry master Skelton, and keep my counsel for by my faith I did put into the vessel of wine that I did se●● you of to day ten gallandes of water. And therefore take no thought master Skelton for I warrant you. Then said Skelton: Dame I do be shrew thee for thy labour, for I thought so much before: for through such uses & brewing of wine, may men be deceived, and be hurt by drinking of such evil wine: For all wines must be strong and fair and well coloured: It must have a redolent savour: It must be col●e and sprinkcling in the piece or in the glass.   
¶ Thus endeth the merry Tales of Master Skelton, very pleasant for the recreation of the mind.