A PAGEANT OF SPANISH Humours. Wherein are naturally described and lively portrayed, the kinds and qualities of a signor of Spain.  
Translated out of Dutche, By H. w.  
Haud curo invidiam.  
I. W.  
Imprinted at London by john Wolf, and are to be sold at his shop in Popes-head Alley, near to the Exchange. 1599   

The Preface.  
TRuth intending to travel triumphantly, the worlds circumference, doth by her true recording trump, blazon the several and sundry natural humours of a Spanish signor, as the limitation of time will permit her. Now this fair Princess (all telling verity) is landed on our English shore, wherein she is pleased to make a further progress, building upon the sure foundation of England's gentle sufferance. If her arrival seem gracious, she will for ever harbour in this Isle, explaining the contents (not only of Admirations records) but of such effectual precedents as shall profit the hearers and perusers of the same. Her welcome by this first summon, she may perceive, the issue hereof, she hourly expecteth: If fortunate, then happy she, if adverse, contrary to her expectation, she will instantly embark herself, for some other continent. Therefore as your favourable judgements shall award, yield up your pleasing verdicts.   

The natural kinds of a Signior of Spain.  

1 A Signior is an Angel in the Church.  
2 A Devil in his lodging.  
3 A Wolf at Table.  
4 A Hog in his Chamber.  
5 A Peacock on the street.  
6 A Fox to deceive Women.  
7 A Lion in a place of Garrison.  
8 A Hare in a besieged place.  
9 A Lamb under the Gallows.  
10 avaricious.  
11 Ambitious.  
12 Bloodthirsty and tyrannous.  
13 Greedy of revenge.  
14 Faithless and periurous.  
15 A miserable estate to be under a Signors subjection.  
16 A happy estate to be free from Signior.    
A Pageant of Spanish humours, wherein are naturally described, and lively portrayed, the kinds and qualities of a signor of Spain.  

1 A signor is an Angel in the Church.  
IN the sacred Temple of the Almighty jehova, a place of residence of his faithful servants, there is no person on earth, more devout than a Signior of Spain, but in the midst of his Contemplations divine, or making show of divine, tending to the true service of God, it is his assiduate use (if his sight be guilty of any lady's alluring beauty) to gaze, and afterwards to cast amorous glances, yet Guarda los oios fuera fuera la temptatie, 
Bridle the sight, Banish temptation  there is no such matter: for Sig. his vital powers are all occupied in devotion. What with crouching, kneeling, and millions of crosses, he makes an exceeding good outward show: After which, with a singular grace, kissing his thumb he endeth: although he have kneeled but on the one knee, be it no scandal, for it is his fashion. Then for the last act of the Church matter to confirm the peace, Signior bids Signior as buenas Dias. 
Bids the Gentlewomen good-morrow.   

In fine, a Signior is a Saint, there want but works,  
Under the greenest grass, the most venomous serpent lurks.    

2 A signor is a Devil in his Lodging.  
AS signor is an Angel in the Church, so to the contrary, in his lodging, he is a raging Devil or Fury, seemeth rather the Host then the guest, what his Signory desires, must be the Hosts liking the fairest Chamber, the best bed and all else, is his to command, he thinks it but the duty of the Flemings which he estéems as beggars, and the Walloons as thieves, A la Horca ladromis. 
To the gallows with these thieves,  But Signior is a Cavaliero, he must be reverenced, Guarda so Signoria, 
Respect his worship.  he must be soothed and flattered. You need not any way to mistrust him, for he will neither filch nor steal, but you must indeed prevent him with giving. Moreover, you ought to know he is a Hidalgo, 
A Gentleman.  although he have no patents thereof, even whose name and race, doth terrify the Moors, Honorada sta la Casa, 
The house is honoured.  which alodgeth such persons. All mandado de su Signoria, 
At his worship's command.   

Every one must be ready, if he will live at ease,  
For he that lodgeth a Devil, must seek him to please.    

3 A signor is a Wolf at Table.  
signor at his diet, is as a ravenous Wolf, with the one elbow leaning on the Table, openeth his Maw like a judas purse. He layeth his talons on the meat, like a Wolf that gripeth a Lamb: he esteems it no shame to turn the dish, and tumble the cates topsy-turvy, to seek De buena gana 
with a good heart.  los buenas boccades, 
The good morsels.  the which, Ell Ventro del uno, 
To the belly of one.  he purposeth to send: what a signor doth not eat, he slayeth, or unseemly mangleth. A more liquorish wretch earth doth not produce, his fare must daily be fresh, both roasted and sod, besides this, he is a wonderful devourer of Olia podridos, and Carbonadoes, together with an infinite quantity of fruits, Comfits, and Succadoes, yet it is a hard matter, if a man hath not one good quality, No es barachono, you must not think so, except it were a chance. This is a Signior's diet at another's cost, but alas if you find him at his own Table, you may see it stately furnished with a Sardinia, Or a crust of bread, a pot of Aqua, and perhaps a bone, yet abroad, if there be a Wolf at the Table, signor is one.   

4 A signor is a Hog in his Chamber.  
signor in his Chamber, is as a Hog in his sty: with filth and filthy savour he payeth his Host, even the same which proceedeth from his pocky self, Las donas, 
1 The Wenches.  use him so kindly, that he is wholly infected, De los boubes. 
2 The pocks.  La mala canera, 
3 The Chamber.  sticks in his buttocks. It is a Diavolos life, always to be troubled with those clysters and pills, sirropes and conserves, how is it possible Signiors dainty body can endure? but indeed the Apothecary's drugs are to ease the belly, signor being stopped like a bottomless barrel. Although he were honoured with the fairest and neatest Chamber in the house, he will without respect, file it with his head or tush. What matter is that, the Messima must convey it fuera. 
The Maid must carry it out.   

How then can the Host in quiet sleep?  
Who a Devil, a Wolf, and a Hog doth keep.    

5 A signor is a Peacock in the street.  
signor being in the street, or any other public place, his first gestures, are to bend the head, turn the eye, and Peacocke-like to behold himself if nothing be amiss, his gate is like one who treads the measures, he scarce takes three steps, but the fourth, he again contemplateth, Su Signoria, 
His Signory.  sometime he will cast a leering eye a side, to espy if the beholders admire him not, his mind still gives him, that every speculator saith, Ah mira ell Canalioro, 
Os beheld the knight.  than he rouseth himself and expecteth a reverence of every one that passeth, he twisteth his moustachoes, and strokes his beard. His Trade in Spain perhaps was to sow handbaskets, or to blow glasses in the Furnaces, scarce trusted to guard a flock of Cabritoes. And here we will bear the name of a Hidalgo or don, yet the Ass is known, though he wear a lions skin.   

6 A signor is a Fox to deceive Women.  
signor is stuffed with all manner of subtle devices to deceive women, which is his continual study. As the Fox often (not by force, but by subtlety) catcheth a pray, lo Sig. where he can espy one to his liking, presently his head is filled with a common wealth of subtle stratagems, although he see no likelihood, yet like a valiant Champion, he stands to his suit very importunately, whereby he shows them what metal is in him, for he trieth in loves scorching flames like a fiery Furnace. Si la Dona eschoucha: 
If she listen,  he entices her further to come, Fuera bowing his knees, Conquingentoes suspiros, 
with 500 sighs  and other feigned adulations, he protesteth to be a devoted Seruidor de las Donas, 
Servant unto women.  and with a Besa los manos de vostra Signoria, los civeros con Cortesia & buena Compagnia, 
Kissing his hands, and presenting her with all dainties.  he entices her to his intent, if so be for all this she continue obstinate, and will not pity this amorous Squire, he betaketh his farther suit to a cunning Bawd, and doth in such sort, that many a Lamb must void his Lodge.   

7 A Signior is a Lion in a place of Garrison.  
IN a Town where a Spanish signor lies in Garrison, he rules like a Lion, posing all under his subjection, a signor alone is wise enough of himself to do and leave what he list, any others (great or small) he maketh no account of, esteeming them all as Nada. 
Nothing.  signor is the Cock, he will overcrow all. If any one contrary his doings and sayings, than one shall see him swear & swagger, Villain tradidor del Re, Lutheriano, 
Villain, Traitor to the king. Heretic.  he stands so much on his own reputation, that none (besides himself and his) are Seruidors' del Re, 
The king's servants.  he supposeth none may gainsay him, for he is master of the place: Guarda la cabecca. 
Beware thy head. He swears by God.  If you abuse him, Boto a Dios, he will revenge it with his blood: at least he will make you believe it. In fine, signor will be signor, as long while as signor is himself.   

8 A signor is a Hare in a besieged place.  
IN a place of garrison, where nothing is to be done but bragging and dominéering, there turn a signor lose, he will play his part, he esteems his skill, far to surpass all others, but no sooner doth he hear the thundering rumour of Los Ennemigos, or see them plant their Tents and standards with any advantage, before his residence, he is in a moment wholly metamorphosed, his heart shrinks like a piece of wet leather by the fire, all his Lion like courage vanisheth like smoke, for that from a Lion he becomes a Hare, yet he will seem to cloak it, but never so well, but you shall see him making of vows to signor jago & nostra dona de lorretto, 
S. james and our Lady of Loretta.  the one vows a pilgrimage a foot, and the other rich gifts, his brain and senses are so affrighted with the noise of the Artillery, that like a Hare he feareth every crack and blast of wind.   

9 A signor is a Lamb under the Gallows.  
Never was there any man more unresolute to die, than a Spaniard, especially if his fortune be to be hanged, no sooner doth he fall into the hand of a justice, but signor looseth his tooth, he is a forlorn man, vale me Dios, 
God defend me.  from such a lot, for signor standeth more in awe of la Horca, 
The Gallows.  as also la Stropada, 
Mercy.  than the devil doth of the Cross: insomuch that in that respect Signor non va le nada, 
Is worth nothing.  he cries Misericordia, he utters many grievous laments: but most, O dios de materra, O mal, aventurado, 
O thou Spanish God.  in this sort to caper above ground, signor had rather go to Rome barefoot, then to be hanged, it is such a hard morsel, and of so bad disgesture, it is as good as Stibbium, to make him vomit up all his villainy to the Friar that confesseth him, which done, he recommends his soul, (with a thousand crosses) to some Saint, and then leaps at a Daisy, never was a Lamb more meek than a signor under a Gallows.   

10 A signor is avaricious.  

Some faults in particular persons, are in some sort to be tolerated, and other some not, in any wise, especially in case of government.  IN case that signor had but these aforesaid vices, he were to be borne withal, although to many a ones cost, but he is moreover so wrapped and entangled in avarice, that for money he would almost fight with the devil, as appears by the writing of their own Historiographers. The avarice of the late Romans, Turks and Heathens, were but toys to his, not only for money, but also to scrape to himself every thing else, and to tyrannize over all the world, the which they also show in the Indies, where above the Spanish Armies, at S. Domingo is written, Tooth es nuestro tooth es mio: 
The Bishops of Chiapa Pedro de chief Francisco loper, and other their writers.  As also thereon standeth a Horse, with his hinder feet in the world, and seemeth with his fore feet, to leap out of the same, and out of his mouth this Motto. The world doth not suffice me, whereby they show their insatiable covetousness. The Indians also say, that gold is Signior's God, but as he thinks the worlds contains not pillage enough for him, so undoubtedly, one day he shallbe made pillage to the world.   

11 A signor is ambitious.  

Sign. of Spain is so blinded in ambition, that he envies at another's honour, fretting exceedingly, to see that any one besides himself should bear any sway, and scorns them for his servants, whom himself is unworthy to serve. The rejected Letters of an. 1589.  IN ambition, signor also is not behind hand, he reputes himself such, as none but he may be reverenced (he witless) thinks himself far to surmount others manners, he unskilful, thinks his learning and doctrine greater than any others, his clownish and base descent, he extols higher, than others do their true Nobility: and his beastly and senseless opinion, before any reasonable judgement: he is so lofty, that if any other will show his skill and experience, in instructing him in any thing, he both scorns the Teacher, and rejecteth his willing instruction, he will not stick (in his humour) to revile and defame, with the name of Traitors, those which to serve him, have left and abandoned God and their Country, as well appeared by the Letters of the Spanish Commaundor Tepeda, who durst presume to miscall the states of the other side, Traitors, which notwithstanding were of their factions, In sum, where Signior doth rule, he shows his devilish actions.   

12 A signor is bloodthirsty and tyrannous.  

This appeareth most manifestly to be true, by the report of their own Bishops and other writers, which say that their bloodiness and tyranny, surpasseth all nations of the world, as also that his descent is from the most barbarous & cruelest people in Europe.  signor hath at sundry times through his cruelty, without mercy, tyranized and suppressed whole Countries & Kingdoms, whereby many thousands have lost their lives: his cruelty and inhumanity is so extraordinary, that his mind is always in suspense, devising and inventing what new and greater torments he may use unto them which he hateth, cutting & hewing off, of arms and legs, killing babes in their mother's arms, yea in the wombs, and such like are common things. Moreover, he will take the dead bodies of the little Infants, tearing them by piecemeal, throw them to the dogs, to be interred in their bowels. If he be victorious, all his valour he showeth in surh like deeds: insomuch, that he is never glutted with blood, he far surpasses Pharaoh in cruelty, Herod in tyranny, and Antiochus in bloodthirstiness. It is enough, yea too too much known in our Netherlands, and not only in Europe, Asia and Africa, but also in the farthest part of America, whereby he showeth himself to be sprung from the cruel Goths and blood-thirsty Wandals.   

13 A signor is greedy of revenge.  

If a man be ambitious, it followeth that he is greedy of revenge. This hath the Spaniard showed in many sorts and places, especially in his own Country, and on his own Country men, viz. in the City of Saragossa, where he beheaded a Duke, an Earl, the head Officer, and many of the chief Citizens, only because they defended their privileges in the cause of an imprisoned man. To execute his revenge, he must needs break his oath, for he hath not the heart to do it valiantly and really, for he had not only sworn unto those of Saragossa, as to all the realm, to keep, protect and defend their privileges, but moreover according to the formal words and articles which were pronounced at his coronation, was to lose his right by default thereof, he than that in such sort used his own country men, and those which in Idolatry are as superstitious as himself, what would he, nay what ought he to do unto those which are proclaimed heretics rebels, and were so long since, by the holy Inquisition damned to the pit of hell.  ANy injury which Signior may have received or conceived, how small soever, he will always remember it in mind, (though he show never so good semblance) until he find some fit opportunity, which if he cannot effect to his will, unless to his discredit, yet notwithstanding, he will neither respect honour nor oath, and therefore will execute it after the most rigorous sort possible. He will find occasions enough to accuse one, and those commonly such, whereof the Wolf accused the lamb, saying that he troubled the water whereof he drunk. The Indians to their cost knew it full well, as also the chiefest of Arragon and our Netherlanders the Nobler sort whereof which he could not convict nor accuse, amongst the number of malefactors, he hath sought by all subtle means (some at one time, some at another) to make them all away by deceitful stratagems, under the colour of pure love, shadowed with the robes of true friendship, which he defileth.   

14 A signor, is faithless and periurous.  
TO effect and execute this his insatiable desire of revenge (in a periurous sort) he abandoneth all faith, the which in any accord or agreement, he may have sworn or promised, for although his perverse nature be of itself too much that way inclined, yet he is strictly bound by the papal doctrine, and by the decrees of the counsel of Constans, that to the hindrance and damage, not only of the offenders of his Majesty, but also of Los Lutherianos, they need not keep any oath or promise, but with all their might procure their utter ruin and destruction. Such his deeds are not only exempt from sin, but are moreover reputed holy works, in respect that they are done to the furtherance and in the behalf of the Romish Church. And by God's help when he most trusts thereon, seeking to rock others a sleep, through his fraudulent adulations, his deceit and faithless intent, shall be manifest, and he punished for the same: for there is no conveyance of sin, from the knowledge of God. But he that putteth his trust in him, shall ever be blest.   

15 A miserable servitude to be under a Signior's subjection.  

Those which know not the error wherein they live, have not only desired the same above alworldly things: but also preferred the same above their lives, they esteeming it such a felicity, that they still seek and procure all other to be of the like religion, from the which God keep us all, Amen. In stead of a tyrant, to be governed and ruled by a true and careful father, to serve God according to his holy institutions, and to continue in his Country's liberty, are the highest things which a Christian in this world may wish, which to attain and defend: no worldly things nor life itself is to be spared, beseeching God through his mercy, to aid and assist us always in the same, to his honour and glory, the aid of the oppressed, and our soul a salvation. Amen.  FInally, it is a most detestable slavery to be under a Spaniards subjection, worse than death itself, being hurtful, not only to the body, but to the soul. Although he sometimes dissemble his nature, yet is he therefore not to be trusted: wherefore we beseech his divine majesty through his goodness, to be merciful unto those which are yet stooping under signor his cruel and tyrannical yoke, giving them patience to endure it, until such time as thou O Lord shalt find good to give them a joyful deliverance, which unto thee is easy, but above all, vouchsafe unto those (which by his false doctrine, live in obscurity, from the divine light) more grace and discretion, with a better conscience, then to entice those which are at liberty to the like error, thereby both (to their repentance) to glut themselves with his tyrannical superiority: for it is far better to be slaves unto Turks and Moors, then to be molested with the gnawing worm of Conscience.   

16 A happy estate to be free from signor.  
But to the contrary, to be free from his tyranny, and in steed of a signor, to have as cullars in our Country, our own kindred & Country men, is (according to every one's censure) the happiest estate, and the greatest felicity in this terrestial orb, yea a preparative & foundation of an ensuing freedom, and a strong defence against all enemies. God through his clemency and goodness, grant unto them a perpetual freedom, and bless them with his celestial gifts, of wisdom, foresight and discretion, that they may unmovably as a sturdy rock, withstand the violent & raging assaults of the Spaniards until the end, and for guerdon of their pains, remain in a free and happy estate with continuation. To the honour of God, and their soul's salvation. Amen.  
FINIS.