ESSAYS and CHARACTERS. IRONICAL, AND INSTRUCTIVE.  
The second impression.  
With a new Satire in defence of Common Law and Lawyers: Mixed with reproof against their common Enemy.  
With many new Characters, & divers other things added; & every thing amended.  
Expedit castigare, maledicere non licet neque juuat: affert enim maledictum vel malidicenti paenitentiam vel vituperationem: Iul: Scalig: de Subt●…l▪  
By JOHN STEPHENS the younger, of Lincoln's Inn, Gent.  
LONDON,  
Printed by E: Allde for Philip Knight, and are to be sold at his shop in Chancery lane over against the Rolls. 1615.   

To the worthy and worshipful my honoured friend, Thomas Turnor Esquire etc.  
SIR,  
YOU did accept the former impression; which, as my second thoughts have taught me, was a most idle creature; a thing only to be respected in your dispensation. Diligence and better knowledge, have made it a much better volume: you may peruse it therefore again I must assure you, without loss of time. If you repent a second reading, let me not be reputed what I am  
Your truly loving I. S.   

To the Reader.  
THou art I presume wise enough (whatsoever thou art) not to believe me, if I should largely seem to praise myself; or to revile iny poor detractor, who is like the stoeworme, venomous, but blind: continue thy just unbelief, for dealers in this kind, be ready to outbrave and cozen thee. Nor hast thou reason to allow me more credit than thoso worldlings: for I confess & am not sorry, thou and I are yet scarce 〈◊〉: Trust me not therefore further than thou mayst discreetly; and then perhaps thou wil●… acknowledge, that if (before) this work was reasonable, it may be now thought unamendable: howsoever if any thinks I needed help to meditate such a trifling labour, I thank him for his envious good opinion: for I can not wish to be more well commended.   

To the nameless Railer: who hath lenghthened his Excellent Actor, a most needy Character following the wife with a piece of 
* Ingenium nempe quòd olet can●…os mores, et constat de pelle sine corpore. I mean a wit which smells of the Cur, and hath no body but a skin.  dogskin wit; dressed over with oil of sweaty Post-horse.  
unusquisque turpis & inscius & ventosus, malevolae ac rudi suae calumniae fretus, alieni nominis ruina, gradum sibi facit ad suam gloriam.  

Sed,— Ille per extentum funem mihi posse videtur  
Ire Poeta, meum quipectus inaniter angit  
Irritat, mulcet, falsis terrroribus implet   
Vt magus:—  
You have (I know not upon what acquaintance) been bold with me; and if I said impudent, your term of imitating would excuse me: pray▪ thou if thou beest honest, or a Scholar, be modest likewise and accuse thyself: I would be loath to blame thee and lose my labour, unless I know thy nature; which would perhaps neither thank me nor amend. Nor did I (as one affected unto sa●…cie railing) admit a friends Saytre, but to inform the world that one man's credit should be more esteemed, than the most generally and worthily contemned base sort of Players: and let discretion teach thee, that all the writers of this age, must 
* I do not mean the vicious imitation that provokes Horace to this reprehension. Quod si pallerem casu biberent exangue cuminum, O ●…mitatores ser vum pecu●…, ut m●…hi sape Bilem, sape i●… cum vestri movere tumultus. lib. 1 Epist. 19  imitate; though some endeavour it, sons do it without a meaning: the last, was mine if any; but hitherto I know not any. My comfort is; I cannot walk into the City, without being rubbed by some uncleanely person; much less than can my book travail in the world's compass, and not be trodden upon by such a rude boisterous Knave as thou: but as, being rubbed I would not willingly rub again; so was I not willing that my bo●…ke should resist thee; but rise again, and scorn thee: for all thy attributes savour of madness and of venom. And for their sakes, I give the Poet's laughters to thy stumbling and most witless language.  

dij te Damasippe deaeque  
Ob maledictum mox donent tonsore; sed unde  
Tam bene ne nosti? postquam omnis restua, ludos  
Ad medios fracta est, aliena negotia curas  
Excussus proprijs.   Hor: Saty: 3. lib. 2. 


Marti: lib: 5. Epig: 61. Ad Detractorem.  

ALlatres licet usque nos & usque,  
Et gannitibus improbis laceflas:  
Certum est hanc tibi p●…negare sama●…,  
Olim quam petis in meis libellis,  
Qualiscunque legaris ut per orbem.  
Nam tecur aliquis sciat fuis●…e?  
Ignotus pereas miser necesse est.  
Non de●…runt tamen hac in urbe forsan  
unus, velduo, tresue, quatuor ve,  
Pellem rodere qui velint cani●…am:  
Nos hac a scab●…e teneamus ungues.    

To the same Detractor.  

You may bark loud against us & provoke,  
Us, with ill-favoured snarlings till you choke:  
Yet questionless the world will dare d●…ny,  
The fame you covet in our Poetry:  
Yes though your libels be dispered abroad:  
For why should any know that such a Toad,  
Hath had a being? thy detested grave,  
Will take thee unknown, & a p●…teous k●…aue.  
Yet will this City l●…nd the willing power  
Of one, of two, of three, perhaps of ●…ower▪  
Who will not fail thy currish hide to 〈◊〉,  
Though I do thee a mangy●… s●…aue forbea●…e.     

In eundem.  

Quaenam te mala mens miselle  
Rauide  
Agit praecipitem in meas nugas?  
Quia deus tibi n●…n bene advocatus,  
Vecordem parat exitare rixam?  
An ut pervenias in ora vulgi?  
Quid vis? qualibet esse noius optas?  
Eris: quandoquidem oratio tua est  
Plena veneni et pestilentiae.  
Catullus.    
THus much may persuade thy (Reader) that detractors, nay, Detractors in the like kind of impudence, have among the best Ancients been a common fortune: and therefore they be not indeed worth a minute's anguish.  
I. S.   

A Friends Invitation: no Flatterers Encomion.  

WHen many are invited to a Feast,  
Though the inviter doth not know his guest,  
And therefore cannot well provide in haste,  
One dish so curious, as may please each taste:  
Yet if this Host hath such a careful mind,  
As that he will, for each man's stomach, find  
A several meat; and so provide with care,  
Good hous-roome, hearty welcome, & good fare.  
Shall we condemn his liberal act and love,  
If thankless Inuitants the same disprove?  
Some (peradventure) doth one dish there see,  
Which with his nature doth not well agree:  
Some other may perchance dislike the feast,  
Because it is not all what he likes best.  
And so with divers censures they do take,  
Due praise from him who did the banquet make:  
Which may discourage him that doth intend,  
Such careful cost another time to spend.  
Yet (worthy Author) let not this dismay  
Thee, to go forward in that virtuous way  
Thou hast propounded; nor let that be lost  
Which is so rare. Thou art a noble Host,  
And cause thou knowest not the minds of those,  
That shall receive thy feast, thou dost dispose  
Of things so fitly, that all here may find,  
divers provisions for each Readers mind.  
What if perchance some surfeit at thy feast,  
Because they cannot easily digest  
Some vicious quality, which reigns so rife  
In vicious minds (made known by their lewd life)  
So rife; as you the danger have expressed,  
That knowing it, they might the vice detest?  
Pity their weakness then, seeing thou dost tell,  
Nothing to poison humour, but expel.  
What if some others will thy feast abuse,  
Because it is of several kinds? refuse  
The Founder's dignity, because 'tis known  
men's tastes and palates only be their own?  
Thou mad'st it not for only one man's sake,  
But all the worlds, if all of it partake.  
Take resolution therefore to thy mind;  
Add wings unto thy fainting courage; bind  
All thy due strength together; to provide  
So rare a Banquet; which may long abide  
To all men's profit, and the founder's praise.  
He therefore doth invite the guests that says  
This is a Noble Feast; and wisheth this,  
That he, which of this feast doth judge amiss  
May (if he wants what is in this combined)  
Seek to achieve the same, but never find.   
ANTHO. CRO●…YES. of Gray's Inn Gent.   

To the nameless Author of a late Character entitled, an Excellent Actor, following the Wise.  
Your bolt so soon shot against my friend this Author▪ is now returned into your scandalous throat; beaten back from one too strongly fortified, for such choleric distraction to prevail with: he knowing therefore the manifest disgrace, that might be noted, if he should swagger in the dark with one whom neither he or any man (as he thinks) ever knew; hath only lighted a double torch (fearing lest one, were hardly light enough) to find the Person of such an obscure vagrant: nor must you further look that he will grace you with encounter, for (upon my knowledge) he was contented to reward you with the Poet's Maxim—  

Istic est thesaurus stultis in lingua sit us 
Plautus in Poenul.   
Vt quaestui habeant male loqui melioribus.   
THis have you confirmed in your unlicked Character, which like the Rats on the banks of Nilus, hath only a forepart, and that deformed; the tail and hinder-parts be 〈◊〉 mu●…de: Wherein hoping to mend your credit by another's loss, you have presented to the sight of every honest Reader your own ignorance, and malicious folly: These two, your only darlings, like common prostitutes, have set up a Vaulting-schoole in your decayed skull; and hanged their bills up to draw customers: But as they both have been the deadly foes to learning, so are they the most beloved minions to petty Pamphleteers: witness your ignorant mistaking of approved and authorized Actors for counterfeit Runagates, or country Players, inveighed against by the Characterist: as also your derogating from his industrious Labour, applauded by the best judgements.  
In regard whereof, take this which follows,  

Iras●…i nostro non debes▪ Cerdo libello 
Mart. lib 3 E●…i. 94   
Ars tua, non vita est carmine laesa m●…o.   

WAs it or Envy, or the hope of coin,  
Or did thy Sister Furies thee enjoin  
With thine infectious breath to dim the hue  
Of this unspotted Mirror, whose bright view  
Dazells thy feeble eyes? or is thy sight  
(Fittest to look on dunghills) by true light  
so much obscured that thou canst not see  
The Sun at noontime shine; unless there be  
Thy cloudy spirits interposed; and so  
It proves unfair whilst thou unfit to know?  
Canst thou forswear't, and think thy book shall help?  
Or that thy Character (the purblind whelp  
Of a lean bitch) can lick away these marks  
From thee and thy maintaining fellow sharks?  
No, Noah: who looks, if not (as thou art) blind,  
Upon thy excellent Actor, may there find,  
In ragged clothes thy poverty of purse,  
Of mind and credit thy deserved curse:  
And swear most credibly that all was penned  
Them to protect from shame, who thee defend  
From want: Alas, we know need can excuse  
The trade of begging, hangmen, or the stews,  
And why not common Players? not those men  
Whose souls did keep in R●…scius, and then  
Left Rome to visit us; believing here  
Men should and do excel his action far:  
These we account as much as you; who try  
With a ravens voice, to'approue their melody,  
And mar their happy fame, which few control.  
wherefore then do you bark? could not your foul  
Untutored muse dwell in the suburbs still  
(Your wits best subject) or your buzzard quill  
Stoop at your wont carrion game; but fly  
To pitch above an Eagles airy?  
Detract you cannot; for things Simply good,  
Lose not their natures, though they be withstood  
By deep or base wits: nay all should say,  
Things must be excellent because that they  
Tasted and did distaste: we know the Kite  
Affecteth stench, and Owls abhor the light:  
Deep wits (through envy) others fame disprove:  
Base wits by kind do base things only love.  
I'll then not wonder that the Player's friend,  
I mean this hireling can boldly spend  
His soggy breath to blow away the curse  
Of Statute law: alas a wicked purse  
Puts strength into his lungs. I think him blind,  
Who cannot see the King's highway, nor find  
One spark of reason that may make him judge,  
Betwixt rare beauties and a kitchin-drudge:  
And yet he's blameless: they he not controlled  
That praise cheap counters and reject fine gold  
But rather laughed at: Fools and children may  
Before best masks pre●…erre a Puppet play.  
I must be plain and will: it is no sin  
To turn again when others do begin.  
W●…r't thou an Eagle, yet the harmless Swan  
Dares to encounter thee who first began  
To meddle and provoke: let envy burst,  
We can defend ourself, offend none first.  
Wilt thou then know thyself? for surely yet  
The little soul thou hast doth poorly sit  
In her half ruin'd cell; and through thine eyes  
False spectacles, she lovely truth espies  
In feigned shapes: believing it to be  
Such as it seems to her, who cannot see  
Things truly nor herself, but proudly blind  
judges things base, by baseness of her mind.  
You are the cuttlefish whose inky gall  
Spewed into purest waters, turns them all  
To the same colour, thinking to escape  
The searchers eyes, or hide your monstrous shape:  
Such a most busy Daw did seem to dress  
My 
* I am here enforced to claim 3 Characters following the Wife: viz: the T●…nker, the Apparatour, and Almanac-maker, that I may signify the ridiculous and bold dealing of an unknown bot●…her: But I need make no question what he is: for his hackney similitudes discover him to be the Railer above mentioned whosoever that railer be.  Characters (unknown) with sauciness.   

Couldst thou lick Homer's vomit; or else theirs  
whose heavenly raptures bless our modern years  
And those to come shall bless; your name might live  
In Poet's happiness, and well survive  
The works of brass and marble: but I know  
You cannot be so blessed: for those that draw  
Plenty of water from the Ocean store  
Empty not it; yet have themselves the more,  
which they may call their own: but they that take  
From puddles or dull Frog-pits, never make  
Themselves nor others happy: all their toil  
Is like the gleaning of a barren soil;  
Both void of gain and credit: this apply  
Unto yourself, whose wits best treasury  
Lies in Don Quixot, Amadis de Gaul,  
Huon of Bordeaux, and those other small  
'Slight Pamphleteers; upon whose bruised wings  
Thy feeble muse doth ride, and slowly singes  
Her tuneles dreams: and labours to obtain,  
The bawdy treasure of Mimnernus brain:  
Whose travail was in lust-bred plots; and so  
Thou mayst excel good Homer, who did know  
Nothing but that was honest. I might prove  
This if I knew thy dealing by the love  
Thou hast composed; where men might read thy shame   

(Thou being disovered) in the devils name.  
And what of that sayst thou? This I infer,  
Such as the shadows such the bodies are.  
And sure I think (by thee) that souls do pass,  
From one to another as 〈◊〉  
Did teach his times: for who can hear you name  
Hackney●… so o●…t but thinks your essence came  
Out of a stall●…on: or indeed perchance,  
A Hackn●…y was thy▪ whole inheritance.  
For you perhaps 〈◊〉 that any Ass,  
Or stumbling Coach-horse your soul's lodging was  
Yet from those rotten carcases might spring,  
Your waspish hornet brains, which buzz and sting  
To your destruction; if you ask me why?  
When Hornets sting they lose their stings & die:  
Which I desire not; but would have t●…ee live  
To rail at virtuous acts, and so to give  
Good virtues lustre: seeing envy still  
Waits on the best deserts to her own ill.  
But, for yourself learn this, let not you●… 〈◊〉  
Strike at the slint again, which can withstand  
Your malice without harm, and to your face  
Return contempt the brand of your disgrace:  
Whilst he doth sit unmoved, whose constant mind  
(Armed against Obloquy) with that weak wind  
Cannot be shaken: for himself doth mark,  
That Dogs for custom not for fierenes bark:  
These any Footboy kicks and therefore he  
Passing them by with scorn, doth pity thee:  
For being of their nature mute at noon  
Thou da●…st at midnight bark against the moon:  
Where mayst thou ever bark, and no man hear  
But to return the like: And mayst thou bear  
With grief more slanders than thou canst invent  
Or e'er did practise yet or canst prevent.  
Mayst thou be matched with Envy▪ and defend  
Scorn towards that which all beside commend:  
And may that scorn so work upon thy sense  
That neither suffering nor impudence  
May teach the cure: or being overworn  
With hope of cure may merit greater scorn.  
If, not too late, let all thy labours be  
Contemned by upright judgements, and thy fee  
So hardly earned not paid. May thy rude quill  
Be always mercenary, and write still  
That which no man will read; unless to see  
Thine ignorance, and then to laugh at thee.  
And mayst thou live to feel this, and then groan  
Because, 'tis so, yet cannot help: and none  
May rescue thee, till your checked conscience cry  
This this I have deserved; then pine and die.   Mart: lib: 10: Epig: 5. 

Et cum fateri furia iusserit verum  
Prodente clames conscientia, scripsi:   
ay: COCK.   

An Epigram to my friend the Author, of his nameless Detractor before mentioned.  

Fastus disdains thy work, because not thine,  
But merely drawn forth by another's line:  
Thou imitatest he saith: well thou mightstone:  
For thou canst imitated be by none:  
Though I dare take thy word, yea'tis well known  
there's nothing here but thou mayst call thine own.  
For (like a common thief) the sneaking elf  
Hath slander●… thee, that he might save himself.   

Aliud Epigramma ad Authorem delibro suo epulo assimulato.  

Why shouldst thou strive or study to upraise  
A labour, how to work some welshmen's praise?  
Those that have judgement must commend thy skill:  
Regard not then though others say'tis ill:  
If amongst many they dislike thy Feast,  
A bit of cheese will help them to digest.    

Aliud ad eundem de detractore suo anonymo praedicto.  

For bear my friend to write against that man  
A sharp iambic, who hath wronged thy name:  
Thou canst not right thyself; for he hath none:  
Nor can have, if he be the people's Son.   
GEO: GREEN of Lincoln's Inn Gentleman.    


Three Satirical Essays of Cowardliness.  

ESSAY. I.  

Fear to resist good virtues common foe,  
And fear to lose some lucre, which doth  
By a continued practice; makes our fate  
Banish (with single combats) all the hate, grow:  
Which broad abuses challenge of our spleen.  
For who in virtues troup was ever seen,  
who did (through goodness) against passions fight  
Without the public name of hypocrite?  
Vainglorious, Malapert, Precise, Devout,  
Be terms which threaten those that go about  
To stand in opposition of our times  
With true defiance, or Satyric rhymes.  
Cowards they be, branded among the worst,  
Who (through contempt of Atheism) never durst  
Crowd near a Prince's elbow, to suggest  
Smooth t●…les, with gloss, or Envy well addressed.  
These be the noted Cowards of our age,  
Who be not able to inst●…uct the Stage  
With matter of new shameless impudence:  
Who cannot almost laugh at innocence;  
And purchase high preferment by the ways,  
Which had been horrible in Nero's days.  
They are the shameful Cowards, who contemn  
Vices of State, or cannot slatter them:  
Who can refuse advantage; or deny  
Villainous courses, where they do ●…spy  
Some little fortune to enrich their chest:  
Though they become uncomfortably blest.  
We still account these Cowards, who forbear  
(Being possessed with a Religious fear)  
To slip occasion, when they might erect  
Horns of disgrace; or when they do neglect  
The violation of a Virgin's bed  
With promise to requite her Maidenhead.  
Basely low-minded we esteem that man,  
Who cannot swagger well, (or if he can)  
Who doth not with implacable desire,  
Follow revenge like a consuming fire.  
Extortious Rascals, when they are alone,  
Be think how closely they have picked each bone;  
Nay with a frolic humour they will brag,  
How blank they left their empty suitors bag.  
Which dealings if they did not give delight;  
Or not refresh their meetings; in despite  
They would accounted be both weak, unwise,  
And like a timorous Coward too precise.  
Your handsom-bodied youth (whose comely ●…ace  
May challenge all the store of Nature's grace)  
If, when a lustful Lady doth invite,  
By some lascivious tricks his dear delight,  
If then he doth abhor such Wanton joy,  
Who is not almost ready to destroy,  
Civility with curses, when he hears  
The tale recited? blaming much his years,  
Or modest weakness, and with cheeks full blown  
Each man will wish the case had been his own.  
Grave holy men, whose habit will imply  
Nothing but honest zeal, or sanctity,  
Nay so uprighteous will their Actions seem,  
As you their thoughts Religion will esteem.  
Yet these All-sacred-men, who daily give  
Such ●…owes, would think themselves unfit to live  
If they were Artless in the flattering vice,  
Even to devour a treble Benefice.  
None (for her own sake) favours innocence.  
Charity lays a side her Conscience,  
And looks upon the sraile commodity  
Of monstrous bargains with a covetous eye:  
And now the name of Generosity,  
Of noble Carriage, or brave Dignity;  
Keep such a common skirmish in our blood;  
As we direct the measure of Things good,  
By that, which reputation of Estate,  
Glory of rumour, or the present rate  
Of Saving 〈◊〉 doth best admit.  
We do employ materials of wit,  
Knowledge Occasion, Labour, Dignity,  
Among our spirits of Audacity.  
Nor in our gainful projects do we care  
For what is p●…ous, but for what we da●…e.  
Shopkeepers would be thought extremely dull,  
Worse than a simple or fantastic gull,  
If when they meet a novice or a man  
Of good experience, they neither can  
Cozen the buyer with protested love,  
Nor with persuading fables him remove.  
They would be threatened I think in despite,  
Among their fellow-cheaters (who delight  
As much in crafty terms as in the ware)  
If they should any circumvention spare.  
They have a trick to whisper once or twice  
And l●…aue their voice when they abate the price,  
Seeming to tell you they hau●… bargained so,  
As they abhor to let the neighbours know;  
When stuff and price do less in worth agree  
Then place and merits where sweet minions be.  
Let never truth protect me if my wits  
Do not half stagger whilst my fancy sits  
Revolving their most licensed cozenage:  
They make it the whole practice of their age  
To sell and to deceive. The fatherless  
(Who had a little stock and craftiness)  
Have by the devils means advanced their state  
Quickly and richly in a twelve years date:  
When true Divines and honest Lawyers may,  
After more study shut their books and play:  
So much more wealthy is it to persuade  
Youth in a servile than a noble trade.  
Will you bele●…ue me? They have secret charms  
By which they do arise to wealth and Arms:  
As deep Magicians with a triple sound  
Raise wind●… Spirits up above the ground,  
So City Tradesmen have the same devise  
To elevate themselves: stuff, colour, prize,  
Be made the triple means which briefly can  
T●…ansforme a Woodcock to an Alderman.  
But one among the rest (more wisely bend  
Then to approve the way which others went)  
Insinuates his third with silken lace:  
Both which together got a Mayor's place:  
Which did reveal him then, to be indeed  
A thridden fellow in a silken weed.  
Thus do they prosper, and when worth despairs  
Breed a slight fortune for consuming heirs:  
And among secrets which they closely learn,  
They think them best which only they discern:  
As if whilst they to hell be going on  
It were some joy not to be looked upon:  
Thinking (as all men think) that few have been  
Damned indeed, if they were damned unseen  
Esteeming death, and horror, sermon-toyes;  
If they do softly come without much noise.  
Shall usury be thought a godless gain:  
Because it helps men with such little pain.  
And shall not lazy cheating trades be thought  
Alike unlawful, being often bought  
With little times expense: they do discharge  
All their Professions faculty at large,  
If they can walk about their wealthy shops,  
In sober gowns and very handsome slops,  
Now looking on their Wives, then on the ware,  
Casting about betimes how to prepare  
A place of worship for his infant Son:  
Else meditating how they may out-runn  
Their neighbours fortune; or beguile the Trust  
Of them who raised their fortunes from the dust:  
How they may bankroupt seem, perhaps they  
Or of a merry voyage: or they drink,  
And beat their servants madly: o●… they sleep: think:  
Or a high valued plenteous feast they keep:  
Or if they think how they may busy be,  
They do revolve their sinful book, and see  
Where they may best amend the figures weight,  
And turn a twenty-sixe to twenty-eight.  
Then tell me some that know, doth common use  
A worse or easier gain than this produce?  
I will indeed consent; usurious coin  
Is not with labour taught, how to purloin,  
So much as the deceit of narrow yards.  
An Usurer much busy time discards  
Which might instruct his knowledge to receive  
A much more impious gain, and more deceive.  
He might be busy as our Tra ●…esmen be,  
To c●…eate or l●…e: till when I must agree  
Their the ●…uish business which they reckon best,  
Excels the labour of rich interest.  
But I am largely clamorous, and shall  
Among the titles of invectives fall:  
For now the times corrupted language gives  
New names to whatsoever is or lives  
Not suiting with our humours and intent:  
An honest courage we call impudent:  
And impudence hath lately took the name  
Of thr●…uing wit, which doth obtain best fame.  
Good humble men, who have sincerely laid  
Salvation for their hope, we call Afraid.  
But if you will vouchsafe a patient ear,  
You shall perceive, men impious have most fear.    

ESSAY. II.  

MAny aspiring fellows you may see,  
Who after they and fortune do●… agree,  
Come (by brief windings) to be men elect;  
Through private means, heaven knows how indirect  
To flourish quickly and advance their head,  
As if they took possession from the dead:  
When all the Heralds never could devise,  
From whence the father's kindred might arise.  
Though many call them Nephew, Brother's son,  
(because a thrifty garment they have spun)  
Who (else) with public shame had been disgraced,  
And all the titles of their love de●…ac'd:  
But now they flourish and with honour swell,  
Whose poor beginnings every Groom can tell:  
As if a new-found Whittington's rare Cat  
Come to extol their birthrights abou●… that  
Which nature once intended: 〈◊〉 be men  
Who think not of a 〈◊〉 yielding Ten:  
They turn base copp●…r into perfect gold:  
Counterfeit cozening wares be wisely sold.  
Men be persuaded well of prosperous fa●…e,  
Giving much credit to a crafty pate,  
But if these cowards durst discover all,  
Both how they did their high estates install,  
How they began to make a league with hell,  
Or how they did in damned plots excel,  
Their very lives alone, if they were dead,  
Would make another work for 〈◊〉.  
Alas they dare not; these be cowards right,  
For whose abortive deeds the blackest night,  
Is never black enough, nor can 〈◊〉;  
Their shame, which lewd posterities ●…eueale,  
Fine handsome outsides who so highly stand  
On the reputed courage of their hand;  
Who keep their Pages with such spacious guard:  
(Scorning to play without a coated card)  
Who keep a large Retinue, or erect  
Buildings; in which they never can expect  
To dwell, with credit of their famished stock;  
Or to maintain the use of one good lock.  
These notwithstanding to augment their gloss,  
And tu●…n some brave expenses into dross,  
Will be the servile debtors to a slave,  
Who hath no remedy, but to deprave  
Their fortunes with invective impudence,  
Or make Petitions to defray expense.  
And yet these mighty V●…starts cannot dare,  
To pay a single Cross: Except they spare  
Their pomp; which gives a lustre in the Court,  
And in the City makes abundant sport.  
Spend-thrisis, and Gallants likewise (who have lands  
Which bear all Saffron for their yellow bands)  
Those which have only complement, & whoop  
In Taverns; may attend the former troup.  
Those that dare challenge any man of Arms,  
And seem to bear about them valiant charms:  
Belching uncivil Envy, in the face  
Of him that meekly contradicts their grace;  
As if they carried vengeance in their jaws,  
Or executions of the Statute-lawes.  
Those men if strictly challenged, quake with fear  
Contriving basely how they may forbear:  
And (leaving then a while their pompous pride)  
They best bethink, how they may closely hide  
Their contumacious heads with privilege:  
For when the slat-cap tradesinan doth allege  
Forfeit of payments (and because at length  
His wife, & so the world, doth know his strength)  
When he procures a Champion to demand  
The noble answer of his debtor's hand:  
And dares my valiant Swaggerer to meet,  
His lawful challenge in the open street;  
He, rather than he will provoke the strife,  
Sues by petition to my plaintiffs wife:  
Who if she doth not very much forget,  
Takes down the quarrel, and so pays the debt.  
Another sort of cowards you may see,  
(Transcending these in a more base degree)  
Who to pre●…erue advancement, or uphold  
Their Families, (without expense of gold)  
Will, in promis●…uous manner, congregate  
Amongst good men, who blockish Papism hate;  
Nay, they will be attentive in the Church,  
(All to avoid the law, and penal lurch)  
They will con-nive at holy arguments,  
And often bear a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Parliaments:  
They will agree to co●…stituted laws,  
Which almost 〈◊〉 to their kin●…dome draws,  
(All notwithst●…nding) they directly ●…are  
Hope to be saved, as 〈◊〉 Papists are;  
Expecting on some opportunity,  
When they may make a traitorous unity:  
For all the truth which can excuse their fate,  
Is, that they finely can equivocate:  
A Coward's doctrine, full of shameless fear,  
Insuses joy to their misguided ●…are:  
And yet no equal justice them controls,  
Because they have a Curtain to their souls.  
Corrupted Officers, the common cuise  
Of public Law, do stuff their gaping purse  
With wrongful fees, and grow extremely fat  
By their delicious tricks, or lying squat  
Up to the ears in pleasant Alchemy:  
If these men durst bewray their infamy,  
And bring their holiest actions into light,  
The day would run to a pr●…digious night.  
New fees created are, and then the match  
Must something take to frame a brief dispatch:  
Informers be prevented by a feat,  
Which qualifies indeed their boisterous heat,  
Although unjustly: clerk and other knaves  
(Who with their gennerous ruffs the Court outbraves)  
Will take a pension, or a quarter fee,  
To make their friend from information free;  
And (to prevent the mischief) will declare  
How other bills already do not spare  
To certify the Court a day before  
Of that, for which the Plaintiff●… doth implore:  
So false and feigned policy doth crack  
The crafty meanings that precaution lack:  
Yet still they gape, and say they cannot save  
The many pounds which they so freely gave  
To purchase ten times more: for they intent  
Only on private meanings to depend.  
That waking sighted Runaway, the Hare,  
(Which is preserved by a continual fear)  
Cannot (by this) protect her innocence,  
So much as Officers their lewd pretence:  
The Fox an ancient Hieroglyphic was,  
In friars robes to show the common pass  
Of smooth hypocrisy, and Church-mens craft;  
But now a formal Gown may serve to waste  
This badge among our prowling Officers,  
Which Name and Habit righteously infers  
As much compacted Villainy, as meets  
Among the Stewards of rich Country Lee●…es:  
Both Cousin with as great conformity,  
As if they held some new fraternity:  
Both be so practysd in good virtues scorn,  
As if Attorneys had directly sworn  
To match the Officer, and poll the ●…leece,  
As if they both consisted of one piece.  
They both insinuate their sweeting pains,  
Their common payment: each (alike) constraine●…  
The hungerbitten Client to disburse,  
Till they have le●…t his hopes even with his purse,  
Yet will you dare to say those men exact?  
No; that were brainless: they so well compact  
Their politic inventions, that the fault  
Of ask more than due, creeps to the vault  
Of Clerks dull ignorance to purchase leave,  
When their discovered projects do deceive  
A Substitute in Courts may rather take  
All wrested fees, that gloss may thereby make  
The Steward seem less culpable in vice,  
When Substitutes are taught by his advice:  
And if some one their cozenage doth betray,  
The Substitute can easily slink away.  
My bawdy Proctor likewise, who presumes  
To purge men's purses, for veneral Rheums;  
Who threatens penance in a ghostly sheet,  
If Clients (though they strip f●…om head to feet)  
Be slack in payment of extortious coin:  
This man who studies first how to purloin,  
Before he looks upon the civil Law;  
This man, who hath a prompt and ready paw,  
Who loves no Inns of Court, shutting his cracks  
And all his rage, uder a nose of wax;  
Who, when a fornicator looks awry,  
That he the least advantage may espy,  
He will officiously attend the Court,  
Because he smells out the ensuing sport,  
And when a grievous sine afflicts the purse  
Of fleshly sinners, to escape the curse,  
He and the thrifty judge can closely share  
The foul taxation, which with pious care  
Is well intended to correct the sin,  
Establish bridges which decay within,  
Relieve sick persons, or amend highways,  
Or some Religious Chapel, which decays.  
But they have other uses to respect,  
To buy their civil garments, or affect  
The wanton lust of some egregious Whore,  
To win new credit, to deceive the poor;  
And so deceive the unsuspectfull time,  
For (else) they durst not so insatiate clime  
Into the fiery Region; neither dares  
Their habit seem acquainted with these cares.  
One thing which makes the brag Civilian  
Account himself to be a better man  
Then any common Lawyer, 〈◊〉, because  
The Latin tongue hath dignified there Laws:  
And well may Proctors love the latin tongue;  
For (as of old it hath been truly sung)  
Men measure goodness by the pres●…nt gain:  
Should Proctors then from loving that refrain?  
When to their great content and greater ease  
They can expound their latin as they please:  
For (as a fellow lately did agree  
Who knows their dealing) when you read or see  
Adpios' vs●…s in a Proctor's notes,  
The meaning is to buy wives petticoats.  
Now must I summon Parish-hypocrites,  
Who seem attentive to celestial rites;  
Who think the Art of him that well doth live,  
Is all performed, if he example give,  
Which may become the Parish: if he pray  
Aloud in Chambers, or devoutly pay  
The tribute of plain dealing unto all  
Who (can to their assistance) justice call:  
If in assemblies he can show good works,  
And call offenders, Infidels or Turks:  
He thinks he hath discharged the final part  
Of a religious or honest heart:  
Though he doth closely keep a virtuous Punk,  
Or though (on cautious terms) he can be drunk:  
Though in another County, and the name  
Of other Agents h●… can schedules frame;  
And thinks himself to be a man well blest,  
Though he receives the Sinful Interest:  
For this eye-seruing-age is quickly gone  
To all deceit, if we lack lookers on.  
These be most valiant Cowards, men that dare  
Be boldly impious, and yet basely fear,  
Lest common rumour should observe or think  
They be not still awake, though still they wink.  
Some false Physicians lie within the reach  
Of these, who true sincerity impeach,  
Their glasses, glisters, oils, ingredients  
(Which hope of lucre oftentimes invents)  
Do carry all (as if a Coward's soul  
Kept in their bosoms) to the dead men's roll;  
Hiding their fearful practice in the graves:  
Lean Death, their operation still outbraves.  
Sometimes their crabbed Envy doth invent,  
Sometimes they kill with new experiment:  
For still they err by custom or by chance,  
Either by malice, or by ignorance:  
And having spent prescriptions to each dram:  
He thinks alas sure I protected am,  
If now I see our Physic does no good,  
Or seeing I have sucked his purse and blood,  
If I can tell his friends there is no hope,  
Or that he must expect deaths fatal scope:  
Then shall I be discharged with credit's fee,  
And to condemn more lives, remain still free.  
They shift their compass to avoid our scorn,  
Hiding their actions from the fair-faced morn.  
But now censorious Critics do disgrace  
Each work they know not, with a scurvy face:  
They banish Authors to Barbarian lands,  
And fling true solid matter from their hands,  
With a disdainful Motto of Non sense:  
Although themselves (excepting impudence)  
Have nothing to excuse their vanity:  
Latinlesse Lawless Rogues, they often be,  
Who having past their verdict, will recant:  
For their maintaining faculty is scant.  
Or ●…f these Apish Cowards dare defend,  
The vice of judgement, brings them to their end.  
And yet some writers do deserve the name  
Of Cowards likewise: they be grown so tame,  
With being often handled, often praised,  
As they forget their motion, being raised  
Above the highest spheres: they think it much,  
More than indeed enough, to have been such  
As they were once accounted: though they sleep  
Follow their ease, and sluggish silence keep:  
Nay though they wake, & (which doth poison them)  
Follow those errors which they did condemn.  
Some worthless Poets also, have the vice  
To write their labours as they cast the dice:  
If (by addenture) some strange happy chance,  
Smiles on their borrowed works of ignorance,  
They can bewray their thievish names, and give  
Notice to all, how they eternised live.  
But if (presuming on their sickly strength)  
They write, and do betray themselves at length:  
Then, oh they came into the public press  
Against their wills; they dare not then confess  
Who wrongs the world with such base Poetry:  
Nay, their own eldest sons they will deny.  
All hide their vices. Pr●…nters also hide  
Errors escaped, which makes wise men deride  
Excellent wits, deser●…ing worthy praise,  
when (through distinctions lost) the truth decay:  
But among all base writers of this time,  
I cannot reckon up more desperate rhyme,  
(Which travails with a fear so damnable)  
As Libell-lashing measures: they excel  
Only in this; that those be counted best,  
Which the foole-Author dares acknowledge least.  
These are contemptible enough, and yet  
Their lines mask under a sictitious wit,  
When wit (as hitherto) was never seen  
Truly engendered by a trivial spleen.  
Nor can they thus reform what is impure,  
Seeing men so touched, conceive themselves past cure.  
well do these cowards thrive, when having blown  
Shame to the people's Ears, they lose their own.  
Briefly, it were a thing preposterous,  
If rich men, who are nicely covetous,  
Should not be trembling cowards; when they think  
Upon the joyful pains of death they stink.  
Nothing provokes me sooner to confess  
That Atheism is their chiefest happiness,  
Then to consider how the very best  
Struggle with death, declining to their rest:  
One plucks away the hairs which should reveal  
His righteous thoughts: another doth conceal  
The furrowed wrinkles of his tawny skin:  
Anorher scours his stumps, or doth begin  
To break the glass with foolish ecstasy,  
At the reflex of Chap-f●…lne gravity.  
Can th●…se, with safety of a quiet mind  
〈◊〉 up themselves with an ambitious wind  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Rumour, Lucre, and Expense,  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…nd good men have no difference?  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, I have some alone,  
They feed a Hundred bellies, I feed one.  
Both van●…sh to O●…liuions cave, unless  
Our very thoughts a living soul express:  
W●…ich b●…ing once admitted, no souls can  
Keep their worst secrets from the face of man..    

ESSAY. III.  

NO more, no more: now saith my honest friend  
Be politic; or study to commend  
The time, and timelings, lest you do bestow  
More copious terms than licence dare allow.  
Content thyself (Cordatus) I will blame  
No reverend Churchmen, neither will I name  
One lewd professor, who polluteth the grace  
Of such a formal and respected place:  
I will not name their livings, nor their lives,  
Much less their bondage to their handsome wives  
As if they durst not show the times disease,  
Because i●…deed they dare not them displease.  
I will not wrong their holiness: and why?  
In holiness true zeal you may descry.  
Nor will I tax Church vices, lest I wrong  
The labour which to writing doth belong.  
For when I have again repeated all  
Their vices public, and sins personal:  
I shall but reckon the antiquities,  
Of Gloss, of Ignorance, and Simonies:  
And so repeat things mentioned long before,  
Nay things prefixed upon each Playhouse door.  
Let them (alas) continue, or increase,  
O let them long enjoy a quiet peace;  
For they already know the mischiefs well:  
They almost scorn such inwards to expel.  
And why? they fear taxation: O strange fate!  
They who contemn reproofs, are desperate.  
We cannot hope such persons will amend,  
Who may (without control) their vice extend.  
Enough, enough, I have bethought so much  
Concerning cowards, that myself am such:  
I dare not speak my meaning under pain  
Of being crossed, of being curbed again.  
Why crossed? why curbed? go ask authority  
Why it protects peculiar vanity?  
And it perhaps will answer in defence;  
Crows to themselves be perfect Innocence.  
Or (which is more familiar) 〈◊〉 loves  
That humour best, which bitterly reproves  
All states, all faculties besides her own:  
She favours that, and fears it should be known,  
Thouhg it be noted; or with bitter shame,  
Hath purchased (ere you write) an odious name.  
Men think their fashions and their faces best,  
If (in a flattered humour) they be blest,  
To hear men discommend both such and such,  
Not naming theirs; although they be so much  
Apparent filthy, as no vulgar eye  
Would make a question of deformity:  
And so superior vices do ptopound  
A freedom to their scope, as being sound  
In self conceit, if they can save their skin  
From being Printed with a public sin;  
Though (setting books aside) they do profess  
Enough to poison all their names no less.  
See how I breath into the spacious Air,  
A Theme as spacious: Can my Verse repair  
The fruitless errors of men obstinate;  
Who cannot freely their own vices hate?  
Who rather gainful vices do condemn,  
Because they cannot purchase gains by them?  
For in their own offences they reserve  
Such cautions as may closely them preserve.  
Well, sir, admit men labour to be wise,  
And for themselves do secrets exercise,  
Who shall dare contradict such worthy pains  
Which fosters credit, and ill terms restrains?  
avant base Hypocrite, go henceforth set  
Upon thy pillow, thy close cabinet,  
And sleep with all the papers in thy hand,  
Which thy most secret counsels may command;  
Or I with Spaniard's better shall agree;  
Or I shall trust a Lapwing more than thee.  
Good men dare always have their thoughts expressed,  
And to their spiteful haters be confessed.  
Although in lawful projects, wit doth teach  
A private way, lest others should outreach.  
But well, suppose men so directly halt  
As they do fear to patronize the fault,  
Shall they not seek unpunished to remain,  
If actions passed cannot be called again?  
We daily do transgress; and some perhaps  
Deserve the plagues of lashing after-clap●…:  
But then, alas! what satisfaction can,  
Written reproofs be for a vicious man?  
You make professions undergo contempt,  
And make the least offence so far exempt  
From civil virtue, and some new concerts,  
That you enforce good fellowship to straits.  
So: Have you done (dear Motley?) yes almost;  
But stay a little, and behold uncrost,  
The reason, why we closely do amiss,  
And why we cover sin: the reason is  
To frustrate your inventions; which produce,  
Nothing halfe-worthy of a well borne Muse;  
But trivial vanities, and time expense,  
To tell man's weakness by experience:  
You might with more applause bestow more pains  
To grace the Mayor's Triumphs, and the chains  
Which do attend his Lordship to the Hall:  
You might the Scottish dignity miscall:  
And in some honest, 〈◊〉, scur●…y rhyme  
Disgrace or flatter minions of the time:  
A rustic, saucy, moral would be rare:  
To let the people know you do prefer  
Fame and your country's witless love before;  
Discretions wealth, and raptures quiet store,  
You might provide for Cambridge once again  
Scenes, which might worthy, like itself remain:  
And not in terms, as needy as the truth,  
Discover harebrain fallacies of youth:  
You might, you might, Severus, and detest  
To scourge close dealers who be safely blest:  
For I can well resolve; you are the cause  
Why men reserve (in acts) a private clause:  
You, and your nice observance do restrain  
Men, and their actions both, from being plain:  
And yet you call those Cowards, who beware  
As if they were possessed with childish fear.  
Survey thyself, quick-sighted formalist,  
And then discover that abusive mist,  
With which men shelter any private sin:  
Charity always doth at home begin.  
Now have you ended? then, I answer all  
By scorning to excuse or hide my fall;  
As thou dost urge, if I transgress my square,  
I of relapse, not of reproof beware:  
And I believe thou likewise wilt amend,  
If so thou dost not studiously offend:  
For that indeed betrays men's dealings nought,  
When they do study rathe●… to be taught,  
In subtle mischief of a newer mint,  
Then to abjure deceits of common print:  
For they hate cozenage, once entitled old,  
Because the Title shows it often told,  
And so affords no lucre; not because  
It favours Atheism and corruption draws.  
Why do I tax, why do I trouble men,  
Or why with noted crimes defile my Pen?  
The most notorious Cowards will betray  
Themselves, and follies, though I turn away.  
Yes (which is worth my laughter) they accuse  
Their closest fears, even while they do refuse  
To let you understand their subtle drifts.  
They do discover such avoiding shifts,  
That you may thence collect some fearful trick:  
They study to appear so politic.  
As, Felons brought before a justice, each  
Hopes to be saved, if others he impeach:  
And as some Indians dealt, being all amazed  
To hear the Spanish guns and forces blazed;  
They bought their safety through a fine deceit:  
For knowing gold to be the Spanish bait,  
They would protest, that fifty leagues beyond  
Was common plenty of that yellow sand,  
Meaning to turn the fools another way.  
And so deal vicious persons: they betray  
Another's folly, to preserve their own:  
Observe, & you shall gather things well known.  
Go tell a Churchman he hath lost his voice,  
Or ask him why he doth in strife rejoice:  
And he will answer; Lawyers do not speak  
So much to purpose, as the Pulpits creak,  
Although they do receive fees double twice;  
Which far●…e exceed my single benefice.  
But you must think, divines resolve on this,  
To blame-Lawmen though nothing were amiss.  
Go tell a Scholar he relies on chance,  
Because he doth affect dull ignorance:  
And he the worst objection soon averts  
By telling how The times neglect deserts.  
Go tell a Magistrate of morning bribes,  
And he, to shallow means, the same ascribes:  
But then demand of Honour why she fails,  
In giving that which every way avails  
To nourish her beloved sons? And she  
Will answer, They profuse, insatiate be.  
Ask shifting Russians why they do forget,  
To hasten payment and discharge their debt,  
Or why they do sufficient men dislike?  
And they will answer, Great-ones do the like.  
Go tell a Gameller he hath cheated long,  
Or unto many offered shameful wrong,  
And he will answer that himself before  
Was often cheated twenty times and more.  
Go ask a Drunkard why he follows wine,  
Abuses God, or gives a Heathen sign;  
And he will quickly answer thy demand,  
The Parson was so drunk he could not stand.  
Go tell a Hotspur he hath killed a man,  
Go ask him how he doth the terror scan:  
And he will answer; a Phisitian's free  
To murder twenty millions; why not he?  
Go tell a fawning wretch he doth rely  
Upon the slavish vice of flattery:  
And he will answer. That the best are glad  
To follow such endeavours, or as bad.  
Go tell a whore she doth her sex pollute  
By being such a common prostitute:  
And she will answer in defence of fame,  
Citizens wives, and Ladies do the same.  
Go tell a tradesman he deceives the day,  
Refusing light, deluding every way:  
And he will answer to avoid thy curse,  
Go further on, you will be cheated worse.  
Thus cowards all (not daring to defend  
The divers follies which they dare intend)  
Confess themselves, and others do elect  
Vices, which none but Devils dare protect.  
When I pronounce a Coward, it implies,  
Malice and spite be Cowards qualities:  
They are inseparate; and why? because  
A vicious Coward so exactly knows  
Himself unable, that he doth decree  
To have Consorts as impotent as he:  
Because he may a●…oyd the mighty shock  
Of men's contempt, ranked with a greater flock:  
Whereas perhaps if he were left alone,  
His baseness only would be looked upon.  
And therefore it is made the next reply;  
Others be wicked men as well as I.  
But hark you Sir (saith one) you have forgot,  
To brand our Females with a Coward's lot.  
They be a proper Subject: do not spare  
Them and their covert dealing to declare:  
They be attired with inventive doubts,  
And have as many fears as they have thoughts:  
They labour daily, yet they do suspect,  
They cannot half a handsome face erect:  
They paint, they powder, they with toys exceed  
Alas! they dare not show themselves indeed.  
Night they do honour: then they do obtain  
That which perhaps the day calls back again:  
They do entice their Husbands to believe  
Any thing (then) and any thing to give:  
They do entreat, when Husbands scarce reply  
But with a purpose nothing to deny:  
They nor without advantage do contend;  
Nor any Coward's odds do discommend.  
Well, well: admit they do abound with fear,  
Females for nothing else created were.  
They need not of their weakness be ashamed;  
When we should blush to hear the folly named.  
So, so: but you Reprove impediment,  
And tell us what the crafty times invent,  
As if authority forgot his whip:  
You may be silent, and surcease to nip:  
Let sage Authority proceed by course  
Of Law, to punish these without remorse.  
Then you must bid Authority respect  
Things not accounted evil; or neglect  
To punish friendless fee-lesse infamies:  
And tax brave mischief with severer eyes.  
Nay that will never be; for tell the base,  
And poor offender (who feels no disgrace)  
He hath offended; and he dares reply,  
He took his pattern from Authority.  
So shifting be the simple Idiots,  
So shifting base be higher Patriots:  
And must be ever till they do reveal  
Fear to Commit, not study to Conceal.     

Essay the fourth entitled Reproof. Or a defence for common Law & Lawyers mixed with reproof against the Lawyer's common Enemy.  
Essay. FOUR  

MY labour I renew: but having seen,  
How ill disposed my former truth hath been  
I grow a little wiser; and agree  
To make an Essay prove an Irony.  
Then what Profession shall I now disgrace?  
Reproof is thought to have no better face  
Than Impudence or Malice; and is thought  
To be a scandal by corruption wrought.  
'tis true a thriving knowledge hath by some  
Who lacked such happy wit, been thought a scum;  
And, under shadow of reproof, hath been  
Made an extreme derision to be seen:  
Nay made a public injury, to please  
Them, who should punish the contempt; & squeeze  
That shameful envy, till it doth remain,  
As empty as the rugged Author's brain,  
Alas I am too modest and obscure:  
I show in dark reproof what is impure;  
And therefore have been blamed: but I will now  
Speak with an open zeal; and disavow  
The mincing terms of caution: if I fail  
To speak my meaning, let me near prevail  
To speak a righteous thought: And if I miss  
Opinion of a tempered zeal in this,  
I shall account it glory; for the thing,  
Needs such a Poet's vehemence to sing  
Her hat●…d trophe●…es, that will neither care  
To purchase hate; nor will his knowledge spare:  
Nay such a Poet that will be most glad,  
In her defence to be accounted mad.  
In her? in whose defence? thine (sacred Law)  
Thine, whose provoking ●…arity doth draw  
My soul unto thy rescue. Thou hast made  
Way through the bloody and victo●…ious blade  
Of Danes and Normans, to maintain thy right:  
And hast preserved thine honour in despite  
Of time and conquest: like Religion, thou  
Hast among persecutions gotten through:  
And when prevailing rage of swor●… and lance  
Threatened thy titles, 〈◊〉 didst 〈◊〉 advance:  
Nay (which is miracle) thy 〈◊〉 have  
Enforced the cruel 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉  
And think them precious. All 〈◊〉 war  
Which doth not learning and men learned spare,  
Had not the power to demolish thee:  
Nor Time, to which the greatest 〈◊〉 be  
Condemned 〈◊〉: 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  
That almost doth all 〈◊〉 arts 〈◊〉;  
Nor nice opinion, that doth oft supplant  
The holy truth, and make the best recant:  
These (which have ruined others) did increase  
Thy native glory, and augment thy peace.  
When strict invasion overcame the Land;  
Thou hadst the grace, within thee to command  
Nay to entice the flinty Conqueror:  
He who had strong sufficience to abhor  
Thy blissful knowledge, he was well content  
To love thee and obey thy Regiment.  
Can it be said a stranger did embrace  
Thine infant worth; and shall thine aged face  
Be now forgotten; and derided then  
By those who call themselves thy Countrymen?  
It is: and undergoes the shameful mock  
Of them who have ●…onsum'd their idle stock  
Of witty jesting: It is now the way  
To keep a Writers credit from decay;  
If he can foist into his fly-blown stuff  
Some twenty Lawtearmes; he hath wit enough:  
The very basest wretch (who cannot lay  
Matter in two years for a ragged Play)  
Will tax the Law with errors most untrue,  
And teach the folli●…s which it never knew.  
Poor sneaking fellows who be discontent  
With every fashion, art, and argument  
(Which doth not magnify their witless rhymes)  
Produce the Law to prove our wicked times.  
Then (dearest Cambridge, best in my respect)  
Be these examples fitting to direct  
Thy ripe inventions? and to tutor thee  
Who art, if well awaked, most fit and free  
To Tutor all the world? Is plenty's date  
So much expired that thou must imitate?  
What prodigal and riotous expense  
Hath turned thee bankroupt? Is thy nobler sense  
Now punished for misspending former cost?  
Or be thy riches by adventure lost?  
Hast thou not careful been to multiply  
Thy precious wealth? or did the parties die,  
Or else run mad, on whom thou hast disposed  
Thy honoured portions? Is thy wealth enclosed  
Where none but Worthy men may it behold?  
Or be thy worthy Poets cheaply sold  
As Bondslaves to detraction? or what then?  
Hath thy good nature trusted many men  
And do they all forget to pay thee now?  
Some have enough to spend; but care not how:  
And so perhaps thy Poets: have they so?  
Good Poets write whether they will or no  
And worthily: why therefore do●… not they?  
Dost thou or nature curse them with delay?  
Or doth thy bounty turn to poisoned gall?  
Else art thou grown so covetous withal  
That thou canst nothing spare but mouldy sauce  
To welcome and deserve the King's applause?  
I wrong thee Cambridge with my strict demand:  
thou keep'st those wits within thy plenteous hand  
Who can establish works with easy choice,  
Worthy to be commended by the voice  
Of God and Angels: but it hath been told;  
Sound wits are modest; shallow-brains are bold:  
And therefore did the law-tearme Poet ween,  
To please a public ear with private spleen.  
Now O the pity! that a misconceit  
O●… some, should all the Law and Lawyer's bait.  
Content yourself saith Ignoramus, I  
Tax not the Law, but Lawyer's vanity:  
Nor do I tax good Lawyers, but the rank  
Of those who purchase wealth, and yet are blank▪  
Content thyself slight Ignoramus, I  
Am well acquainted with your policy:  
You in the Fencer's trick are deeply read;  
And off●…ing at the foot you mean the head.  
As doth a Rebel who hath taken Arms:  
He promises to help his Country's harms,  
But hath a meaning to surprise the town,  
And make the total Regiment his own:  
Such was thy meaning; to disgrace the Law  
Under a coloured trick; and wisely draw  
That honour to yourselves which follows them.  
But shall I tax your meanings, and condemn  
Invisible designments? You proclaim  
Your meanings in each Tavern: will you blame  
Those that believe you when you do rejoice  
That Lawyers be offended with your noise?  
Trust me, atender mercy doth enforce  
me to compassion and a silent course,  
When any crime, that doth deserve the scourge,  
Is too much tortured: I had rather urge  
Defence for folly, than reproof▪ when all  
Insult upon it; And so much miscall  
An easy error, that it gathers strength.  
I feel me thinks a happy scorn at length  
To add my curses to the vulgar curse,  
In the most hateful mischief: It is worse  
To over-punish crimes then to commit.  
I do abhor to exercise my wi●…t  
On a most trodden Theme: and do account  
A sleepy cave better than such a mount.  
Me thinks 'tis noble and most human too;  
If I forbear when I might freely do.  
And could that spa●…ke of goodness be in you  
So much forgotten; that you durst allow  
The broad contempt of them, whose happiness,  
All common Envy labours to make less?  
Did it seem honest, politic, or wise,  
human, or virtuous to you, to devise  
So bad a Project? and to multiply  
The times detraction with an open lie?  
What will you answer? what will you compose  
Able to make defence in verse or p●…ose?  
'Troth you had best in some new ballad sing  
Your Lib●…ll was bespoken by the King.  
For no evasion can your wisdom spare;  
Except the foolish one; I do not care.  
But Ignoramus may conceive that I  
Am ouer-ea●…nest now; and may reply,  
Things are as they be taken; and indeed  
Things oft be taken worse than they need:  
But you and your additions do expound  
Your hearty triumphs unto malice bound:  
Seeking (as if you had forsworn the Law  
Of reason and of reverence) to misdrawe  
That ornament of men; and to annoy  
The chiefest justice and the chiefest joy  
That our law doth acknowledge: were it so  
As the report already seems to know;  
You should affix unto your tainted place,  
Eternity of shame and of disgrace.  
Scholars (you say) have found themselves aggrieved▪  
Was this the fittest way to be relieved?  
Perhaps you do account it as your grief  
Because the judge hath spared some scholar thief;  
And so his mercy hath corrupted more:  
This might excuse, and get amends, before  
Such bold invectives: but you do prolong  
Your strife; & say your suits have suffered wrong.  
So so: i●…patient arrogance will find  
The way to quarrel when her eyes be blind.  
For though men conquer a malicious heart  
And give no causes to complain of smart:  
Nay, turn her quickest senses into steel  
T●…at (though a cause were given) she might not feel,  
Yet, would she (rather than be mute) suggest  
Causes of quarrel out of sleepy rest.  
Nay, 'tis a scholars vice and venial pride  
To think his own conceit the surer side:  
If therefore he dislike the laws intent,  
We may neglect his tales with merriment;  
And pardon what he saith: for every youth  
In Cambridge s●…emes to understand the truth  
Of Logic and Philosophy so plain;  
That o●…her truth he holds in much disdain:  
Or he bel●…iues the Colleges know all,  
And only truth approves which they so call.  
And hearing them dislike the Lawyer's brood  
When Suits decline, or cases be not good;  
He looks no further than the grudging fame:  
And is not ready to discern, but blame.  
Nay rather All become so valiant  
That they abhor to be thought ignorant  
Of any truth in Law; because our Isle  
Hath called it Common; and makes john a Style  
The rustic word so frequent in our books:  
And therefore with contempt each Scholar looks  
Upon the weighty meanings; whose pure light  
Hath Iron gates to stop their scornful sight.  
Though they presume their ●…ight can reach the  
And therefore they proceed in simple jars:  
And then exclaim upon the Lawyer's sense stars:  
When they do loose through idle confidence.  
Nay, nay, we need not mar●…el though they blame  
The Laws proceedings when they lose their game:  
For though they win & suffer no disgrace,  
Their best opinion of the Law is base.  
But it is possible a Poet's wit  
Should be so fleshed in mischief to commit  
Rape with an 
* the common law  aged Matror; & despoil  
Her honoured gravity with impious toil,  
Except his former sins have taught before  
The way to get some Bastard by a Whore?  
I cannot think it possible, nor may,  
Till proof convert 〈◊〉 thoughts another way:  
He seems (like one in reputation crossed)  
By desperate means to purchase what he lost.  
Perhaps the Fabulist can tell us why  
This Writer took●… a 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉:  
And as the Chariot-driver asked his wheel  
Wherefore it creaked? which answered; I do feel  
The want of that, which stops a creaking voice:  
So the loud Ignoramus may rejoice  
To learn this answer; and protest with it,  
He took mere sound because he wanted wi●…t:  
but come thou long-nailed comic, who dost claw  
And can●…t not 〈◊〉 the substance of our Law;  
(For busy fools may 
* Tru●…h may be blamed but cannot be shamed.  blot but cannot sink  
Through solid stuff with Aqua fortis 〈◊〉)  
Let ●…s a while examine your delight  
And search the wo●…ds where you most deeply bite  
You bring a large confused heap of noise,  
〈◊〉, writs, and vocal empty toys,  
To prove the laws discredit; than you join  
A Lawyers hearty love to yellow coin;  
And than you snarl against our simple French  
As if you had been peppered wi●…h your wench:  
And then right harmless Dulman doth enchant  
The Scene; with teaching Latin how to Cant.  
O most rare subject and bewitching Scaene●…  
Able to make the fattest hearer lean;  
If he would truly think how little pains  
Do●…h fasten credit upon lucky s●…raines,  
When full deservings prove infortunate:  
And neither purchase fame, in love, nor hate.  
What though a Lawyer doth expect his fee?  
Doth not a Lawyer, that same Angel see  
Tempting divines to flatter and bely  
The dead, which tempted him to falsify  
The living truth? resolve me, which of both  
Approaches nearest to a ●…ewd untruth?  
I think it wo●…ser to commit the sin  
That shall not be rebuked, and which will win  
Strength, because uncontrolled; then to protect  
An error which the court will contradict.  
And if you talk of learning, they alone  
Can yield us twenty dunces back for one.  
Then was the Lion wise, which gravely said,  
Asses may blow the trumpet in our aid.  
But you procure the King to laugh enough,  
I dared not say to like such threadbare stuff:  
For he that scorns our common law in rage  
Because the terms are over grown with age  
May scorn the wrinkles which have smoo-her been  
And love a strumpet with her painted skin.  
Or he may mock his mother's countenance;  
When it grows withered by continuance:  
Law is the kingdoms mother: she by light:  
Conceives, and is delivered of men's right:  
And all her phrases which be 
* Malta 〈◊〉, 〈◊〉 i●…m cecidere, caden●…o; Que nunc sunt in honore vocabula, sivolet v●…us. Hor: de art poe.  wrincled now.  
Once had a youthful and a lovely brow.  
But is it lawful to embase the true  
And ancient L●…tine, with devices new?  
Embase we do not, but enlarge we may;  
where words approved will not our sense convey.  
Come, come: although you will not understand  
You shall be taught to grace your native land;  
With yielding love▪ and honour to defend  
Your country's credit; which the laws intent.  
Rich natures work most absolute and wise  
Doth give the liberty which you despise:  
You may observe how in this earthly globe,  
She clothes each creature with a suiting rob:  
The quiet Lamb she doth adorn with wool  
And makes the Parot fine, a beauteous gull:  
But because strength and durance are within,  
She clothes the Lion with a rugged skin:  
And such an outside doth become the part  
Of a prevailing, and perpetual art:  
An art which hath no meaning to respect  
A mighty person, and the poor neglect:  
An art which in her habit rude, and plain,  
Disclaims to be provoked with love or gain:  
And with such art is England's 
* The Common Law.  mother blest,  
Being in all her lively habit dressed:  
Therefore I think it wisdom to adorn  
The Law with outside which may merit scorn:  
That like a wealthy Farmer clad in 
* 〈◊〉 quisqu●… 〈◊〉 erat a natur●…, uberiùs etiam a doctrina, 〈◊〉, ●…ò magis refug●…ebat a legum 〈◊〉, qui vipribus et spin●…s interclusus tenebatur. Bod●…n: praefati:  Frise,  
She may preserve her treasure in disguise:  
For being like a glorious dame arrayed;  
Her tempting beauties than were all betrayed  
To multitude of 
* Or Students  suitors; and her love  
Would more than infinite contentions move:  
Look on that foolish thing which many call  
A beauteous woman; and behold how all  
Spend their devotions▪ sacrifice their brain,  
engage their lives and credit to maintain  
that map of colours: every man may see  
Her suitors (though but two) will disagree  
About her love; nay striving to be blest  
each will presume he hath more interest:  
And will the simplest wretch conceive that she,  
I mean our Law and maker's dignity;  
She our almighty's minion, can display  
Her quick transparance, and not steal away  
men's dear affections? or can she remove  
Her vail; and will not her attracting love  
Provoke the wisest men to quarrel? yes:  
Love a conceit and firm opinion is;  
And knowledge doth beget amazing doubts:  
T●…en love with knowledge doth inspire the thoughts  
To choose opinion: knowledge being wide  
Can both maintain opinion and divide:  
So than contentions follow: such would be  
The force of law, if every man could see.  
Admit, she were adorned with costly phrase;  
Admit all nations did her merits blaze;  
And that the sweetest beauty she can take,  
Would neither do●…age nor dissension make;  
Yet having many suitors, she must mind  
The due respect of all, or prove unkind:  
which would exceed her large, (but equal) dower  
If she were courted by more courts than four.  
Why then be some licentious Churchmen vexed?  
Why be they suffered to abuse their text;  
And make the Gospel speak against our Law?  
When as the Text (which they enforce to gnaw  
Upon a Lawyer's credit) doth concern  
Their own reproach; if they could well discern.  
O listen you that have but common sense  
And mark with what injurious violence  
They do compel the Scripture: I have known  
cynics, to such a spiteful blindness grown,  
That, on the silly words of Balaams' Ass,  
They would infer what slave a Lawyer was.  
The foreign P●…pist is, against our will,  
Beholding to our Law, and must be still:  
For we and our proceedings undergo  
A fury which the Pope and Rome should know:  
The witty students do endeavour thus,  
With squibbes and crackers against only us,  
In such abundance; that their wits be spent  
ere they confute a Popish argument.  
I cannot guess what fatal curse incites  
Their fluent envy, which (in triumph) bites:  
But well assured I am, that only they  
Whose lives, their guilty meaning, do betray  
Despise a Lawyer: when the best Divines  
Scorn to be noted by such daring signs.  
But others seem as if their hungry maws  
Were crammed with all corruption of our Laws:  
And that in choosing of a Text, they mean  
To purge their guts, & make their stomachs clean:  
●…or any Scriptures piece, like Hellebore  
Rumbles within them, and doth bring up store  
Of choleric vomit in the Lawyer's face:  
Whilst I lament their high and sacred place;  
And marvel why the Circle cannot charm●…  
That frantic method; but be made a Farm  
To sow and nourish biting nettle seed  
Or slips of 〈◊〉: rather it indeed  
Is grown the charmed fortress, to condemn:  
But cannot justify their zeal, nor them.  
For most of all their vehemence depends,  
On earthly zeal, and prostituted ends:  
Either they seek to please themselves and men;  
Or to displease their enemy; or then  
To credit their own College; or withal  
To be accounted sharp and Cynical;  
Or to be great; or to discharge their name  
And place lest they incur a public shame.  
The worthy men, whom no such end attaints,  
Shall, if they come to me, become my Saints.  
But God forbid their ends should harden us,  
To blame the truth, or prove inc●…edulous:  
We shall a powerful Doctrine best obey,  
Not thinking why but what they do display:  
Yet I do wish them as a slander by,  
Henceforth to learn aright both what and why:  
Lest seeming zealous, you do make withal  
God as a shadow to your secret gall.  
It is a thing so common to traduce  
The Lawyer, and besprinkle bitter juice;  
That I (before some Preacher doth begin)  
Dare lay a wager, he will rail and win:  
For I have often heard such fuming stuff  
Presented to an Audience all in snuff,  
That (trust me) I have wondered in my mind,  
Whether he spoke before, o●… spoke behind:  
And so the Parson spoke (unless I fail)  
Who preached of toby's dog, that waged his tail●….  
What? shall the sacred learning which aff●…ights,  
And conjures down the most inhuman sprights,  
Be so distracted, with a sudden curse,  
That it must raise up spirits, And much worse,  
And yet from thence proceed things often good,  
As from the fountain of most Heavenly food:  
For Scorn itself and Envy must confess  
That many, there excel in worthiness:  
If Passi●…n sometimes did not Zeal condemn,  
We should account them Gods, & worship them.  
But some in earnest folly over proud,  
Most void of matter, will thus talk aloud:  
O the most griping Lawyer who doth make  
Dissension upon earth; and money ta●…e  
On this side, and on that side, a●…d doth love  
His Gold and Money, and dissension; move:  
Is not the Lawyers wicked, than I say?  
And very wicked brethren? and I pray  
Is it not, shameful brethren? Fie for shame  
That Lawyers should love money 〈◊〉 and enfl●…me  
Their hearts with love of silver, and so leave  
Goodness to turn a Lawyer and deceive;  
And then like covetous Lawyers— thus he lay  
Outlawd in breath and knew not what to say.  
Let me demand your purpose: do you mean  
To cleanse a dish with dishclouts more unclean?  
Resolve me (Poets) you that do bestow,  
The most abusive scorn which man dares know,  
Upon the laws profession: You that take  
A pattern by damnation's rule to make  
The Lawyer seem more hateful; and believe  
Hate merits Heaven, which may the Lawyer grieve.  
I pray resolve me (Poets) do you mean,  
To make that rampant and immodest Quean  
Your Muse, the Lawyer's Mistress? And repair  
A place infected with unwholesome air?  
What? doth a Patient blame physicians skill,  
Because th' Apothecary wrongs his bill?  
You blame the Lawyer's gain, and will not see  
How Offices consume the greater see,  
For as a Pothecaties bills depend  
On the Physician to surcharge his friend;  
So, to surcharge the Client, Offices  
Depend upon a Lawyer's business.  
Resolve me you divines, whose earnest hate  
To Lawyers, makes you practise a d●…bote,  
Whilst you 
* Si cille Cyn●…cus 〈◊〉 carp●…bat homines ●…ui pro ●…ona 〈◊〉 sacia 〈◊〉, ●…t 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 contra samtatem 〈◊〉. 〈◊〉: Lib. 6. 268.  declaim against the very sinn●…:  
I pray resolve me, who hath ever been  
So fruitless in extreme reproof as you?  
Or after long inu●…ctiues who did know  
So small detraction of the common 〈◊〉?  
What? do you purpose to amend ou●… life  
With bitter malice? can r●…uiling 〈◊〉  
Make Lawyers quiet? O you do amaze  
My little brain with wonder: you may please  
To see how furious winds do move the seas  
And make the Ocean roar; when gentle gales  
Add a fair swiftness to the merchants sails:  
And so doth clamorous railing work men's rage  
when mild reproof might quicken virtues age.  
But you, as many Doctors do, or, can,  
Seeming to heal the vice, abhor the man..  
You do pretend with physic rules to cure  
The laws diseases; which might well endure  
A potion, (I confess) for you that urge  
Might well endure a potion, and a purge:  
B●…t you pretending wisely to display  
The 〈◊〉 of Lawyers cannot 〈◊〉 the way:  
You know the perfect method to displease;  
But neither constitution, nor disease.  
You think a Sanguine body, choleric;  
And so your potion makes the Lawyer sick:  
Lawyers be Sanguine, lively, firm and free:  
No marvel then your medicines disagree:  
For God himself may this full truth dispearce;  
Medicines make sound men froward and perverse.  
Admit (which every honest man will say)  
That Lawyers do, as all professions, lay  
Some part of meaning to increase their state:  
And do deserve your Physic, not your hate:  
Is therefore the disease so violent  
Or they so crazy, that with one consent  
You must apply quick medicines all the year?  
The Spring & autumn be fit times to clear  
A fowl gross body: then are they so foul  
That all times must the Lawyer's art control?  
Small physic knowledge may persuade you thus  
That things which grow familiar with us  
Can have no mighty virtue to prevail:  
Though taken seldom, they do never fail.  
For neither poisoned sops, nor Opiates can,  
Relieve, or trouble an accustomed man.  
Nor can reproof, enforced with daily care,  
Make vicious people better than they are.  
You do pretend our health when you reprove;  
And we must thank you for your holy love:  
But will a pained sick-man safely trust  
The physical advice of him, who must  
Inherit, when the patient is dead?  
You Churchmen know, (and cannot be misled)  
That you may claim by gift the next estate  
If our laws body did give way to fate.  
And therefore all the world may well suspect  
Your physic savours of a strange effect.  
But all your subtle nips and privy quirks  
Do prove such poor and un-prevailing ye●…ks,  
That you provided have a mastiff dog;  
Who runs about because he wants his clog:  
But (thanks to wis●…dome and our bodies might)  
The toothless roaring cur can hardly bite:  
I mean your mastiff Ignoramus now,  
Who took his valours breath from only you:  
And yet that e●…gin of authority,  
(which makes the lesser fabric stop and fly)  
Might rather be propounded: for conceit  
And all upon her lawless pleasure wait.  
The world appears most like a Puppet-play,  
Wherein the motions, walk, perform and say,  
Nothing but what the master will advance;  
Though every trick proclaims dull ignorance.  
Thus greatness doth prevail: what remedy?  
Yes, honoured Lawyers (whom neglected I  
May freely place among the soundest men)  
Be still undaunted in your worth and then  
Their pitied clamorous malice will prove hoarse  
And dumb; while you prefer an honest course.  
Vapours be raised and exhalations fly  
When the most servant Sun appears in sky:  
Summer and heavenly Sunshine do provoke;  
The noisome Fens to yield an ugly smoke.  
which upward mounts, but cannot touch the sun  
Although it should above the compass run:  
So Lawyers glory (which deserving pains,  
Knowledge and study have enriched with gains)  
Doth move the sordid breath of base wits  
(As doth the Sun prevail in muddy pits)  
To yield a stinking vapour, not defile  
Lawyers with madness, and revenge more vile.  
But as the Sun doth readily consume  
And turn to nothing, the poor vap●…ous fume;  
So shall the Lawyers bright and purer flame  
Of good example, turn contempt to shame.  
Mean time (right Lawyers) whom opinion rude  
H●…th ranked among the base multitude;  
With admiration I salute your peace,  
Which hath been calm & patient; while the seas  
With boisterous fury did assay to drown  
Your dearest hopes, and pull your trophies down  
My riper knowledge and experience  
Of your most often tortured innocence  
So troubles me, that I in serious sort,  
Could wisely now forswear to trust report:  
My thoughts are all to narrow to disclose  
Your manly suffering; which doth interpose  
The vildest sharp reproof that may be borne:  
And so confutes them with a noble scorn.  
O I do feel a heart above my power  
To save your merits from the fatal shower  
Of their detracting spite, and to disclowd  
Your virtues lost in the confused crowd  
Of headstrong rumour; which your foes invent  
To nourish their detracting argument.  
This only comforr I will now propound;  
Give losers leave to speak: which is the ground  
Of all our foes abusive speech: for they  
Having lost manners and discretion may  
Speak boldly and be blameless though they rail  
But may their spite increase and matter fail.  
Now care and dullness do my verse bereave:  
And so sweet poetry I take my leave.  
My greatest follies are already past;  
And after noon I shall have breathed my last.    

Of High Birth. ESSAY. V.  
THINGS curiously Created, differ as much from things begotten, as the first Man from birth, and artificial bodies from man's issue. Children therefore may challenge from their Parents more prerogative, than workmanship or man's Invention; for it participates with us in being only, but they in being ours: for things begotten be originally our own, but things created be ours at the second hand continually: Else man were two ways excellent, and able to create, as well as to beget, without pattern or example: but only our Issue is our own absolute; For man, secluded from the company of men, is by the help of Nature fit (of himself) for infinite generation, though nothing else: Whereas truly in matters of Science and manual labour, man, without the help of man, doth nothing. So ignorant he is, and chiefly bound unto imitation, as he never did nor will, produce that, which depends not on some precedent: Which argues the full necessity of being sociable, and mightily condemns these currish people, who think it all-sufficient, if they can once assume the pride, to say, they are not any way indebted; or that they be their own Supporters: And think it the safest friendship to forget Humanity; neglect Acquaintance; make love an outward Ceremony; nay scarce so much: and never be offended with a curse so much, as when they must have man's assistance to restore them.  
These are unmindful why man doth multeply; Why lawful Marriage was invented: Or why GOD, tkinking it not enough to work a Union with HUMANITY by the bond of NATURE, did also extend affinity to those of another stock; That INCEST might be unacted; and by the consequent, that MAN should not engross only the love of his own FAMILY; But seek love among other people that he might learn more knowledge.  
Man therefore thus enabled to produce; it follows by implication that amongst posterity, some one must have precedence; in which, sons (by consent) have that Immunity of Eldest: And He, according to usual speech, is called the Heir Apparent: which is a name so largely taken, as (with it) we imply any one able to inherit, though not the Eldest. But properly it extends to the First Begotten, who (in being first) supplies the office of a Substitute ro discharge that which encumbers the Parent; The office of a valiant warrior likewise, who covets by being first, to take the first charge, give the first assault, and (above all) to be according to his name, truly forward in the high Achievements of honour: so forward, as for any of his Rank to be before, should be reputed a miserable baseness. It is an observed point of Nature (among 
Pliny. 〈◊〉 Philost●…o.  the Ancients) that Elephants, when they pass a river, knowing by peculiar instinct that their adversaries (for the most part) encounter them in the Rearward, they marshal themselves that the eldest may be first ready to sustain the violence: which gives a memorable precept to man's Issue, that he (if eldest) ought rather to protect, then to exceed his inferior kinsfolk; that, they (because youngest) ought rather to submit, where his good counsel may assist, then be malignant or maintain Faction.  
This Theatre of man's life, admits degrees of height, in which the eldest is above the others; and therefore as the Sentinel, or Scout (in Atmies) is vigilant to foresee advantage, and so preserve by diligence when courage of the rest is little worth: So should superiors in birth be as much provident for the safety of those, in respect of whom they be superior, as to esteem their birthright a blessing.  
It is therefore no safe conclusion, to say he is the eldest, and so most excellent; but he is the eldest, and therefore should be most excellent: For in production of the soul it fares otherwise with a man, then with unreasonable creatures; Among which there needs no better warrant to signify courage, than the first breed, which signifies the strength of Nature in the Parents or Breeders. But with Man, (who communicates with a Beast only in giving outward shape) it is sufficient for him to challenge in his Issue what himself bestows: As for the Divine Materials of Reason, if sometimes they do heriditarily succeed to the son of a prudent Father, we may from hence conclude, that GOD more 
* Nothing so much argues a supreme and infin●…te government of of things, as the diverse event which follows from the same means and industry.  often dispenses with it, to make man see the true ORIGINAL, rather than Flesh should challenge any part; or Fathers think they be the sole efficients. For it is now made a common argument of the sons folly, if the FATHER be more then commonly wise. And I am very much persuaded, that this (if nothing else) may assure the Politician of some supreme disposer who gives warning to his presumption 
Nihil dat quod non habet, 〈◊〉 non habet 〈◊〉 nam S●… habu●…sset daret. His policies are not his own: For he would then impart them haeriditarily to his issue.  through the plague of a foolish Heir; that he may overvalue himself at his own peril: seeing he hath his own workmanship before his eyes, to argue against him, and his arrogant couceit. Be it sufficient therefore that cunning Nature, which principally and commonly works out each natural man's existence by causes well known, Matter, For me, and 
* Privatio est 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…acuum 〈◊〉 principium ●…otus: scal: 15. Exerc.  Privation, is not able in things essential, to distribute any parricle without Divine providence: So the Elder naturally inherits nothing as by peculiar claim, but senseless lineaments of body. Howsoever, most convenient it is, that every one by birth ennobled, either by single priority, or priority united to noble parentage should seek to accomplish the part of nature undone in more than complement, civil silence, or common passages; and make the birth absolute. For Man, a sluggish Creature, (prompt enough to decline after satiety) seems naturally to be 
* Parts homines sumus non homines. Scal: de sub.  unfurnished, that he might not be unbusied. So nature hath left much imperfect, to intimate by the vacant absence of some things needful, that man's labour should make things useful. Nature affords timber, but workmanship the structure: the earth produces o'er, but Art the Silver: Nature gives plants, Knowledge the use: Among all which she doth require a more ample and less supplement, according to the value, rarity or estimation of the thing. For Chemics know, the more precious metals ask more pains in extraction of the true quintessence, than base Minerals: Gold is the seventh time purified, & then becomes beautiful: besides the quality of things more precious, ought still to be made answerable to the things value. Courageous horses be managed with curiosity: delicate voices be selected to learn harmonies, whilst harsh and strong voiced criers be ridiculous. Diamonds, not glass, become pure metal, and rich garments have much costly appearance. High bloods likewise be the fittest receptacles for high actions; but if a sackcloth be embroidered, the adjunct may deserve honour, though the groundwork be Plebe●…an: and men of upstart Parentage may, in respect of brain, take place before Nobility, though their persons be odious. Ourselves and parents, or instructors, be the secondary causes which protract or abbreviate, every or impoverish, our own destinies. For either we are driven with fatal obstinacy; to overtake fortune through a self-will; else, by the negligence of education, or being not seasoned in minority, our stupid dullness gives Fortune leave to over take us through want of providence. High birth is so far from privilege to exempt any from these, as it approaches near to misery, when shame is unprevented; & makes destiny notorious.  
I know no difference therefore betwixt the degrees of Fortune, if Birth alone makes the comparison. For which is more predominant, if one of obscur●… fortune becomes public by merits, returning to his first rank if he transgress; or if one descended Nobly, doth but deserve himself, and family, through great engagements, being ready to descend below himself if he miscarry: and be as public in disgrace, as upstarts in applause? For this Age of Innovation is fitter to behold one swimming to a remote shore, them to consider how happily the inhabitants be there delighted: fitter I mean, to see new actions, & active spirits proceeding, than the maintenance of honour proceeded: and fitter to behold one falling from a rock, then from a stumbling mole hill. So that if Noblemen advanced, conti●…ue so; & ambitious Ge●…try, nay or baseness, do aspire and thrive, I see no difference: if ruin thre●…tens both, the last transcends in outward happiness.  
The best similitude which makes diversity, reaches but thus far: I see an embroidered empty purse, and stoop to view it narrowly, because the outside glisters: I spurn a greasy 〈◊〉 before me, and hear the sound of silver: I take both, keep both, and will esteem the coin above the empty purse, and yet prefer the outsides a loan not both alike; because the one is capable and beauteous already, the other doth contain already, but can never be beauteous: No more than upstarts, though renowned in merits, can ever t●…ke Nobility of Birth: because it will demand successio●… to con●…irme antiquity.  
So that ennobled fortunes (being an outward beauty) shall but make me more willing (as an embroidered purse●… to see their insides; not to enlarge their value: when as perhaps one basely obscure, shall more purchase my reverence, though less attract my labour to discover him.  
As for the chief ornaments which qualify great parentage, they should be such a●… make most in the advancement of a Common wealth: which be the maintenance of public Laws and justice; they being the honour of a commonwealth. And well doth it 〈◊〉 that highness makes laws flourish. For seeing Laws receive their lives from the concordance of Nobility; it must (by good conjecture) follow, that strength of law (which is a just proceeding) would, through the countenance of Nobility, receive more credit & reverence. But oftentimes advancement is so ill bestowed, that eitherit makes men's disposition worse; or nothing better. As we read of meats dressd among the African Kings, (and namely by muleasses King of Algiers,) which meats were made infinite costly with perfumes, but neither toothsome nor wholesome: And such perfumed Peacocks, be worthless men dignified. Though sometimes the visible dignity of persons, doth attract sluggish or obstinate beholders with unanimity or terror.  
Thus ignorant men (unacquainted with our state of ques●…ion) will often wish within themselves, That a Dunce or Coward may prevail before the Combat, because they incline more to the reputation of his posture, fame, or person, then to his fellows: which love doth (notwithstanding) sometimes vanish into fear, adoration, or a reverend conceit. The very name of Crumwell was able to dissever insurrections; so much was he credited with an opinion of sincere gravity. And it may almost seem a positive truth, that noble and heroical spirits are at the first sight trusted with men's best opinions: It is needful therefore that the merits of a noble birth, should be rewarded sooner, (though they be less worthy) then of a new proficient▪ because greatness claims duty to their persons as well as to their merits. But there is nothing more allied to faction then for a greatbegotten to prevail in government before his time; or to attain the greatest ●…ignities before he knows their meaning. Such undeserved honours are of Appi●…n noted with a mutinous badge, & a contempt of public orders: (for saith he) when S●…lla was dictator, he confirmed this Law to strengthen his division, that those who did in his defence partake with him, should be entitled to the state and dignities before their time. To be a man generally famous, doth oftentimes dispense with comeliness of parsonage, and purchaseth full applauded success in every dispatch under the patent, of having been generally commended. That many▪ fold * historian hath ob●… 
〈◊〉 Maximus.  a profitable way which maketh the sons of honour famous.  

〈◊〉 literarum monum●…nta,  
Ad●…uta militaris 〈◊〉,  
Aucta senatorum 〈◊〉,  
〈◊〉 illus●…rem 〈◊〉.   
To beautify and enrich learning, to nou●…ish and help warsknowledge, to multiply and to advance the power of Magistrates, have made an upstart (much more the sons of honour) famous. But if popular fam●… be not gracious, than ornaments of body, comeliness, and behaviour, must be concomitant with High-birth to relish their employments and beget opinion. For single birth, without additions, is no general to command an Army, or to 〈◊〉 with multitudes: which (in order of reason) should be a Noble and generous intention because birth is sooner capable of respect only, then base agents.  
By this caution therefore did 
Rosinus. lib: 2. Angelius: lib. 5. c: 13.  the Noblest Romans apply themselves to take the patronage of Plebeians; accounting it the most honourable entrance, to employ their efficacy of birth, by the protection of poor Clients, or otherwise illiterate Citizens: The frequency of which custom made Nobility famous. High-birth is reasonably to be commended if it can escape dishonour, though it come short of honour: if it be made no Licence for oppression; although it scantly doth relieve oppression. But vices in any kind fastening upon authority, and great persons be most dangerous: for though they be persuaded to forsake them; yet certain sinks and gutters, (as in great Cities) be still waiting upon bloods of honour: followers I mean, who be ready to wear the Lord and masters vices for a special cognisance or favour: and so convey absurdities and humours oftentimes down from the head into the feet and body. It is an excellent sign of man's participation with divinity, to discern and judge of nature. This therefore should be the singular part of instruction among Noble pupils, and all that would become proficents, to rectify, allay, and augment nature: which cannot be by a restraint, but by giving free liberty to enjoy all, that so the worst may be removed: For when we say, Natura currit, we must conceive, Nature hath tasted: for Ignoti nulla cupido. And by the consequent, whilst we dote upon things absent, our inclination is discovered.  
From hence therefore did ●…hrma know 〈◊〉 lou●…d the Image of his Satire, because when he heard his house was burnt, he asked only if the Sa●…yre were safe: So when we have once enjoyed, and now lack our custom, desire will be manifest.  
It is not therefore wisdom to correct the natures of any, much less of Noble ones, by keeping them in covert from the world's e●…e, unless they be appointed for a Monastery For that which we cannot d●…e, because we know not, we dare do freely when we are acquainted. But Nature being discovered, by having once enjoyed, years will then easily admit a contrariety. And as Wormwood, rubbed upon the nipple of a Nurse's Teat, 〈◊〉 the ●…hilde; so thy detestation, or continual invective against that vice which thou wouldst abolish in another, makes it unsavoury, sooner than rage or violenc●…. For th●…se be able to make him, not abandon the vice, because he abhors thee; and in despite will keep it, 〈◊〉 eye service: whereas 〈◊〉 being ●…ared for its own sake, (〈◊〉 is deforme●…) th●… 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of this 〈◊〉 may be still beloved.  
Vicious men may, without question, be entertained by Princes, and give much morality: provided always, that apprehensive natures be near hand, to make applications. For Then as an Ape's heart (it self being a most timorous Creature) being well applied, be●… courage in the patient: So Cowards, Epicures, and blasphemous persons, may (by good compositions) produce Valiancy, Abstinence, and Humility in Princes: but poisons be a dangerous physic, without skilful professors. It is the happiness of some natures to need less instruction: And amongst all instructions we must be guided by the nature's aptness some being provoked most by reading, some by persuasion, some by reproof, others by company. As in a Fence-school, some profit by resolution wholly, some by rules, some by disdain to be offended, some by seeing others.  
Indeed the study to discern Nature in Noble persons, should be equivalent to their own disquisition of nature in others; for seeing they ought by superintendence to overlook man, they should be perfect in the Character of Man: bearing their best Library about them. But vices punishable in a private man, may have a little toleration in great persons; because he (having no such temptations) hath advantage in observing a strict honest course: It being the near temptation of bad dealing in every man, and most especially in great ones to have a power to commit and to conceal a mischief: they may commit much: it will not be denied: and if their wisdoms 〈◊〉, they may conceal more than others: The chiefest means they have to conceal, is to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 against the crime they honour: By which means, 
* Rosinus.  Servius Sulpitius Tribune of the people having framed a Law that none among the Senators should run in debt above a thousand Drachmas, thought it a safe Licence for himself to exceed the quantity: and therefore was he found in debt, after his death, above three hundred Myriads; amounting to three hundred times ten thousand Drachmas. The total duty of men greatly-noble is by the Laconian 
* Ages●…aus.  Prince delivered in two precepts; the knowle●…ge to command the knowledge to submit.  
They should represent the Lion, who is noted (above all) to carry a most valiant head, and a Majestic countenance: imita●…ing the apparent and invisible potency of high spirits.  
Besides (that I may continue this Mythology) the ●…ecke of a Lion hath no joints; whereby he cannot look backwards, unless he turns his body: Neither can Princes, without scandal to their integrity, seem one thing, and do another; not turn there faces upon virtue, and yet be fugitive in their motion.  
The back of Lions carries a magnanimous breadth: And all the noble deeds of Ancestors, historical examples of Monarches, with infinite renowned precepts of former ages, make but one broad backe-president, to strengthen the wisdom of Princes. The bones of a Lion have less marrow than others; for lascivious fuel ●…iminisheth valour. The want ot pith therefore makes Oak more durable than Eldar; and contempt of wantonness moves Princes to a more settled resolution. lions have an exquisite property to smell out their own advantage: For it is reported, the male knows when the Lioness hath been adulterous with the Panther, by a peculiar sense of smelling: And the wisest part of men worthily descended, is to betray their own abuses; for men of this rank are incident to strong delusions. A Lion sleeps and yet his eyes are open: So provident high Statesmen, that possess much, cannot have eyes too many, or too watchful: Neither may absolute man incur security. When Lions devour, famine doth enforce them; And when Kings take the sword, a zealous appetite, to satisfy forgotten virtue, should provoke them. Neither may generous Natures be nobly offended, except, as by an impulsive, or sufficient cause, they overcome; So by a heroic scorn to malice, they can both swallow and digest the cause with the conquest. Howsoever it may be fictitiously reported, that Lions have (by a miraculous feeling) been defensive to condemned Martyrs; yet may the observation afford thus much morality: That, as a true Noble man may by no means receive a more excellent moderation of spirit, and, spur, to greatly-good actions then by a religious fear; so cannot this be any way expressed better (himself being so eminent) then in protection of Divine justice, & good men's causes. It is admirable (if true) to see how generously Lions have scorned to be base debtors: Insomuch that it is memorably reported; How Androcles a vagabond captive, cured a lions paw; In gratification whereof, the Lion afterwards (when Androcles was among the Roman Spectacles to be devoured) spares, and protects him against a Rampant Pardall: Which carrieth a double precept for generous natures▪ First, a preservative against ingratitude, where followers have been serviceable; Then a contempt to be a slavish debtor (if means can avoid it) especially to baseminded Trades men; who upon single debts enforce a double engagement: Both of credit and restitution: For if you remain in their books for a commodity, you must remain likewise in their favour to avoid scandal, reiterations, and commemorations among all societies. Such is the common treacherous b●…senes of their conditions, though they protest otherwise: Which may exhort any Noble mind to believe this Maxim true; He hath discharged half his reputation among men, that scorns the cr●…dite of a Citizen, or indeed any man. Another singular note is fi●…ed upon this magnanimous beast above written; his wrath extends no further than the provocation. And therefore when the Arabian Soldier, charging a Lion with his Spear, was disappointed of the object, and overthrew himself with violence; The Lion returned, and only nipping his head little (for his presumption) departed quietly. This being confirmed with many famous examples, I may infer thus much. If it may seem convenient or honourable for Nobility offended, to punish, not respecting penitent submission (which may without high offences seem tyrannical) yet if the punishment exceed the crime, we may confidently account it beastial, and worse. Again it is notably remembered, that Lions never run away, except they can privately withdraw, (being overcome with multitude) into a secure Mountain, or Wilderness. And I observe that it ill becomes a brave resolution, to enter himself among projects, from which he must necessarily recoil, except he carries a cautelous eye, & true circumspection. Lastly, I may conclude this moralised comparison with Aesop's controversy betwixt a Lioness and the Fox: The Fox commends her own fruitful generation, seeming to disgrace the lions single birth: to which this answer doth rejoin: I bring forth one, and yet that one is a Lion: Which good allusion may remove the curse which some would cast upon Nobility, because often their children in number be inferior to common prostitutes: But I am well resolved, that the multitude of children rears up an obscure family, and brings an ancient stock to ruin: For among many base children's blessings, birth may make variety of fortunes: But among much Noble posterity, Fortune doth challenge a more vast partition; and makes a discontented Heir fit for all innovating purposes; So that one Noble remainder of much antiquity, or one true Lion of a family (if Art and Nature can be made operative) will be a more safe prop to succession, than the doubtful variety of children. Men observe it as an infallible rule, that there have been as many base originals, as there have been honourable descents. For, as questionless the largest Rivers be derived from lowly Springs; So birth and succession have been so basely intermingled, so casually interrupted so frequently impaired, and very often attainted (though with absolution) that I may well justify the first principle, and add further: That generally, to maintain the noble estate of dead Ancestors, requires as much true policy, as to erect a new Family. For men may climb better by troublesome, rough, and dangerous passages, then stand tottering upon the eminent spi●…e. But to exceed the pattern of heroic Ancestry, deserves perpetual commendations. Which purpose cannot prosper well, except they prevent or avoid oppositions: They having been the overthrow of Kingdoms, and flourishing Captains; because prosperity is waspish, and brooks no competition, nor almost assistance. The 
* Plutarch.  Historian therefore saith well: None more deaf to counsel then natures unthwarted: None more obtemperate to be counseled, than men destitute. As for that ambitious ecstasy, which makes men indirectly consult of new addition; the Fable doth condemn it wisely: For like Esop's Dog, they snatch at shadows, and lose the certainty, who dote upon such covetous desires. Ambition being like Hamilcar's dream: Who at 
Valerius 〈◊〉.  the siege of Siracusa was by a Dream persuaded that he should sup that night in Siracusa: which he interpreting on victories behalf, would not remove the siege: At length by an excursion he was taken prisoner: which verified his dream: For he did sup in Siracusa but, as a captive: Ambition also makes men dream they shall be safely guarded in their projects: But they then little dreaming to be guarded otherwise than Princes: do verify their dreams by being safely guarded as prisoners. Or Ambition is like the Phrygian River historified by Fenestella: 
Fenest: lib: de Sacer: Rom●…e: 1●….  Which water procured Frenzy as desertless longing after glory begets a senseless dotage.  
Presumption also, and Popularity, be two treacherous confederates: The first was never good when a King's favour was the object: so long as Mines & Countermines have been the Court-devises. The last will never be good: So long as people do but conduct their favourites to the Scaffold, and cry Alas, it is pity: but who can help it? The first cannot thrive, because offences with Kings outweigh merits: Then how distracted a thing is it, to preserve advancement? security, destroys men sleeping, while they deserve no punishment, but only because no reward: And policy destroys men waking: It doth consume our lives in jealousies and multitude of fears: which threaten the most politic & highly favoured. Popularity is likewise mortal, because it breeds a surfeit of one dish: nothing but Fame: served in (like Turkish Rice) by infinite waiters. And shall we wonder if it chokes him, when he devours all▪ Besides, history hath told us that there is eminent 
Tacius.  danger in the refusal of a Crown: Meaning (as I conceive it) that Statesmen may be thought too much worthy? and that there is danger in being thought worthy of a Kingdom where others have more title. The best love therefore that can be bestowed upon the people, or the best friendship that you can receive from them, is to suffer them in things indifferent, or not to show a currish severity: For (like the Hungarian Heyducks) their wrath is prone to mischief, & their amity is worth nothing in a time of peace: so that indeed to flatter with them & not regard them, is a sound proposition: For if Coriolanus contemns their authority, they can abhor his name, & banish his person: or at least banish him from prevailing in public assistance. My rule for popularity, is, that according to the constitution of the party so affected, it may be nourishment or poison: If he be sound in his affections meaning God's honour; applause & popularity converts to his encouragement: If ambitious or self-pleasing, it turns to a most harmful dotage. The safest course (that I can be acquainted with) to confirm and preserve dignities with good approval; is to be immutable, honest, and no reported Politician: For the very name contains (among general conceits) much powder-treason, Atheism, curses of inferiors, and condemnations of all, except their close minions. An other thing that doth briefly replenish a noble Spirit must be more example, dispatch or quick perfect motion, than precepts or doctrines: These being the frequent object, of painful Artists, the other being a Rhetorical inducement to establish the delight of action: In which nothing draws greater efficacy, than speediness and fortunate event; though both these rely much upon a contriving faculty, which is begotten by a frequent practice. And therefore it betokens a sluggish fear, and private weakness, when we are loath to enterprise: For a courageous mind gets perfection through quick desire, above many men's longer custom: but when appetite fails I perceive no stomach of Nobility. It may seem somewhat conrroversiall, whether state-knowledge, or militant resolutions be more graceful to generosity; And questionless, I conceive few Roman Senators, or not any (except Cicero) were unsufficient to lead an Army, as well as to deliver an opinion in the councel-chamber: both be so unseparably annexed, as we may hardly think he advises the Commonwealth lovingly, who is afraid to justify the commonwealths quarrel; when himself adiudges it lawful. The pomp or magnificence of mighty persons, may now become a festival day better than common policy: for this age doth not so soon conclude the royal mind, as the fantastic humour, by expense of needless bravery; accounting that rather magnificence, when we expend our own about the kingdoms glory: which by reflex produces an apparent love, and fear toward such active spirits. For all men reverence him truly, who is impartial, and industrious to advance equity, or to confirm goodness with goodness among all. And howsoever the full stomachs of men will hardly suffer them to commend such worthy ones alive; yet have their deaths been always deplorable. whereas politic brains with false bottoms, have found a public curse, which was before restrained with authority. Tacitus gives an excellent precept touching the report of Prince's lives when they be dead; and saith they railed upon their Emperor Vitellius being dead, whom being alive they flattered: and yet presently he doth annex; The bounty and plain meaning of Vitellius were his ruin: Both which may seem a riddle: for bounty & honest meaning be two preservatives for honour: But then he gives a most lawful reason, because they were not handled with discretion. In a word good ornaments accomplish great persons: and good ornaments are as a sweet ointment: now if ointments be powered upon the feet, the savour goes upward into the nostril (as Diogenes noted) but being rubbed upon our head the vapour vanishes: and so it often falls out that fruits of knowledge ascend upwards from men of base condition to the nostrils of Princes: whereas the savour & profit of their own studies dies before them: but ointment powered and not rubbed upon ou●… head runs down about the garments; and plenty of knowledge in great per-people imparts itself to others. I dare not become an Instructo; it appertains to found Professors: Neither can I reprove; it may incur the name of Malapert. I labour only, to prove by a persuading reason; 
Plutarch in vita A●… at v●… labour et industria 〈◊〉 culpam, etc.  which is nothing burbare counsel. As for Nobility, if it bear the name of Legitimate, it will bear a contempt also (with Agesilaus) to be reproved, when pains may happily discharge their function. Neither at any time shall high births aspire to hazardous downfalls, if they 
●…heophrastus.  esteem honour as the reward of v●…rtue, no virtue in itself. And virtue to men truly Noble is most welcome when it is most difficult; not where necessity doth make a virtue, but where they can do otherwise and will not: for I account it a sign much nobler when we neglect virtue because we are compelled, and have not licence to meet disadvantage; then if we fear some greater disadvantage By not being virtuous, and ●…o by a compulsion prove virtuous: As I account him a more virtuously sublimed spirit, who having little means and poor estate exceeds his compass, only for this reason, because he cannot be abstinent in abundance, then him who fearing poverty, discredit or il-name affecteth parsimony. For I suppose it a more safe position to say; I cannot be the greatest and therefore will be nothing virtuous, then, I will be a little virtuous in action, but will have virtuous meaning.   

Of Disinheritance. Essay. VI  
IT is more impossible for an unnatural Father to be a true friend, then for an abused son, to be an obedient son: because I think it is a sound precept; That he whose disposition finds a soone-moved contrariety betwixt himself and his undoubted children, must (of necessity) be a man who refuses all men, except advantage pleads for them; Seeing he neglects those, for whom nature pleads, if advantage be absent. The same may be inferred concerning all degenerate kinsfolk, though in a less degree. But for the first I have observed it generally; that he who was apt for Disinheritance, hath been a man always of as many affections, as there be faces: And as prompt to refuse any, as to receive any, if he might save by the bargain. Howsoever sub●…ects be now grown so tyrannical, that where pretences may accomplish their malice, they cannot think there is a God, or, at least, they think God favours their proceedings. For calumnious pretences, and aggravated trifles have been the common gloss of Parent's cruelty in this kind: Their precedent is vulgar: for tyrants never slew without state-Alchimy, or multiplication of pretended treasons: neither may Alexander lack occasion, so long as he had a meaning to kill 〈◊〉. The hungry Wolf may call the Lamb his debtor, but a good stomach is the day of payment, and the Proverb is well verified: 
* Facile est invenire baculum quo cedas canem.  If thou wouldst beat a Dog here is a staff. So that although churlish Parents pretend just causes of disinheritance, yet these are quickly found, soon allowed, and as soon amplified. From whence you may gather, that no spark of natural affection but only a compulsive maintenance, keeps the reference betwixt such Parents, and such children. For loving nature and affection be tractable, of long forbearance, much pity, manifest care; and keep an established form of affability, with which friends or kinsfolk be unacquainted: This provokes an eminent reflex of love; whereas rough carriage begets love in Curs, but a conremptible scorn in Noble Spirits. In a milk-white table, one blot is more visible, then forty in a brown paper: And in a continued loving usage, one reproof is more prevaileable than fifty in a usual crabbedness. For common noises go not beyond our ears; but a sudden clamour startles the whole man. It is therefore more commendable to follow the extreme of virtue abounding, then defective: The first partakes with mediocrity in the nature: but the last is altogether opposite. We may then more safely allow indulgence, than austerity: because it approacheth nearer to true love. For though indulgence hath made children lofty in behaviour towards others, yet (I observe) it breeds a true and undivorced affection towards the original cause. It is therefore an excellent rule, for children, to be any way restrained without the Parents knowledge, or at least their taking notice: whereby Nature cannot grudge against Nature, nor yet want reprehension For howsoever Marcus Cato said well: That he had rather be unrewarded for doing well, then unpunished for offences: Yet we have naturally a secret spleen against the judge, though we account him righteous and impartial. It must be expected then, that children do know a difference betwixt Fathers and Masters; which makes them the more implacable, when they see Nature impartial. From hence Sertorius, a politic Captain, would not himself repress the disobedience of his Soldiers; least, howsoever they deserved ill, yet his correction might take away their loving duty: Which respect made him suffer the enemies incursions, rather to scourge their insolence, whilst they, out of a harebrained lunacy desire battle. And thus the sacred decree of Correction may be kept unuiolate, and the love of children unblemished. For I am unanswerably persuaded, that Parents wrath diminisheth the child's love, making him servile or else refractory to the doctrine of themselves & others; because they cannot undertake with delight, so long as frowns and fear be crept into their fancy. But affable Parents beget truly affectionate Children, who may endure another man's reproof to mitigate the name of Cockney, and yet lovingly adore the Father because he was always loving. So then the Father's diligent love, and a Tutors modest instruction, may make a seldome-seene Heir affect his Father's life without hypocrisy, and prove a venerable wise man. Without which love apparent, or oftentimes indulgence, I see an eldest son, in stead of the Father's blessing, render back sweeting curses. I see another inclining only to the mother; and a third, slip into the disinherited Fortune.  
The comedian therefore saith 
Terentius. In ●…aeauton.  well touching a father's duty: I overpass expenses, I call not every thing to a strict account; and that which other sons labour to keep secret, I do not bitterly condemn in mine, lest many things should ●…ee concealed; for he that (through a ●…ugged usage) deprives his father (by false excuses) of a youthful error, will soon deceive others. Indeed mistrust makes children disobedient: for I do make it a most equal question; whether more men have deceived others because they have been disinherited; or whether more men have disinherited others because they have been deceived? It is more available then, to govern by liberality, not base compulsion: for he that thus becomes obedient, expects only till he may wan●… the witness of his actions. But the comical Poet saith truly; Patres aequum esse censent nos iam iam a puerisillico nasci senes. Now for the danger arising by parent's unkindness (it having been propounded, that want of love breeds disinheritance) I will demonstrate, first how horrible, second vnlaw●…ull, and third impossible, disinheritance may be well accounted. The divorce of marriage is a weighty case, much forbidden, much controverted; because marriage itself is made a strict union; so far, as Husbands seem incorporate with their Wives, being both to be taken as one flesh. But this union admits many exceptions; neither may any think their being made one, extends further, than the rhetorical aggravation of unity; to insinuate how difficult a thing Divorce will be betwixt two, so narrowly united: but children have a more exquisite property of indivorceable; because they really partake with parents by existence: deriving a particular & true strength of body from the parent's body. And therefore it seems the matter of disinheritance is a thing so odious, as (being held improbable to be acted among the jews, or any Nation) no Law of Scripture contradicts it. Indeed rebellious sons are by the verdict of Divine injunction, to suffer death, if they shall strike the parents, or rise up against them: But for the matter of Disinheritance (which far transcends the punishment of death) I have read no syllable that may give the toleration of Divinity. Death indeed, comparatively respected, may be thought the best wages of a rebellious son: for the act includes his full sentence; because to smite his parent, is to seek the destruction of his efficient cause: which act keeps within it so much ingratitude, as heavenly justice can do no less then remove him who seeks to remove his begetter; it being an inseparable part of holiness, to pay offenders with their own coin. But disinheritance so much exceeds death, as it approaches to a continued torment. Death is so far from misery, where men expiate offences, as it affords felicity▪ because it gives a present satisfaction, and a present hope to enjoy a good portion; if penitence, and a satisfactory mind be companions. But disinheritance, or abdication, doth not only enforce death, but makes the circumstance tyrannical.  
A violent death is but an abridgement of nature; but disinheritance doth often bring a violent death, and enlarge the wickedness of nature. I see no difference betwixt them in the conclusion: for death is an effect commonly of disinheritance; but no death more excludes all humanity. the case is palpable. I give directions to a traveler: he arrogantly contemns my counsel; which doth so much provoke me, as (to amend the matter) I draw him by compulsion to an apparent ambush; in which, after many sustained a buses, horrible vexations, and desperate encounters, he concludes his life with infamy; or perhaps blasphemy. So, currish and cruel parents, by disinheritance deal every way answerable to this similitude. The horror of which Atheism is the more amplified, by so much as natural affinity claims a more human precedent than strangers. Banishment or abjuration is tolerable: for it takes original by public decree, superior counsel, and authority of those, from whom I can challenge nothing but justice: whereas disinheritance, a national banishment (transcending foreign exile in the Cause and Manner) proceeds from private occurrences, that cannot reach so high an affliction; because the nature of it is equal to, nay above, public justice. Our law hath providently disliked the dealing: for it appears by Glanuile chief justice in the reign of Henry the Second, Lib. 7. Cap. 2. fol. 44. That if a man had lands descended to him, and (having many sons) desired to bestow some portion of it on some of the younger; this could not be accomplished without his elder sons agreement: only for this reason, saith Glanutle, that the ●…ather (who did oftentimes most doa●…e upon the you●…ger sons) should not disinherit his eldest. Now it may well be esteemed inhuman, when parents punish with rigour, where the Law condemns not, because in every offence highly punishable, the Law is open: if that condemns, the Parent's love may a little be excused, though he doth not excuse his sons accu●…ation; but where himself exceeds the laws rigour, when the Law is silent, and becomes Accuser, judge, and Executioner, we may discover a damnable flinty heart; apt enough for massacre; seeing he first plays the tyrant with his own image.  
Parents therefore cannot argue and say (except Disinheritance) they have no remedy for disobedience; seeing there is no crime that may deserve so great satisfaction, but the Law is all-sufficient to render justice and save them unpreiudiced in the aspersion of Unnatural: which title Disinheritance, draws with it inseparate. For if we take a view of those impulsive causes which breed occasion; we shall perceive how accessary Parents be to all their children's vices; and by the consequent, how culpable they are to punish that so strictly, of which themselves be Authors. Shall the best man living suppose himself an author of things simply good, though in the strength of wisdom, religion and thoughts, rectified, he doth perform them? And shall we not then say, that, a Father is the impotent cause of error, when he cannot perform a work of goodness in his own-begotten, or why shall any man expect things differing from his end? and by the consequent, why shall any man expect virtuous children? for if the wisest & religious man could be examined, I know he would confess, that either Lust or a vainglory, or both together have intermixed themselves with his most pious end of generation: so that if children have any goodness, they cannot thank their parents as the authors: But if they do abound with mischief they may thank their parents chiefly. Is it not therefore a strict dealing when parents will not recompense an injury, by a forgiveness of that corruption which they themselves imparted? Setting aside the position which makes Children participate with Parents in vices liable to constitution, we may (without these) demonstrate, how guilty they are of each notorious crime in Children, through a poverty of rectified education. ●…or as, in natural productions, nothing is so absurd, from which Art cannot extract a dear quintessence; so among natural men, and the conditions of humanity, nothing is so irregular, from which elaborate and true instructive method cannot produce a Divine excellence. Indeed the disquisition of natures is difficult and much politic labour belongs to the true si●…ting of a perverse disposition. But questionless, the worst natured among all bad men, are, by a true seasoning of minority, a wise progress, or institution of ripe years, and an alluring motive of practices well commended; they are capable of goodness, subdued in mischief, and apprehensive in a sufficient measure. So that we must not ignorantly impute the curse of Children to a wrong cause, seeing it is either the curse of the Parents; not to instruct children at all; not sufficiently; or not in the true manner. Examples are infinite: Alc●…hiades may include all. He, a voluptuous and sensual Swaggerer, could never be reclaimed by many strong experiments; till coming by chance to the Philosophical Lecture of Socrates, he was suddenly converted: such a sympathy there was betwixt this Philosopher's doctrine, and the Disciples attention; whereas twenty others might perhaps have been frustrate in the same conversion, though their Precepts had been equal, because there is an invisible concordance to make them aequivalent.  
Which manner of instruction, respecting the quality and person, of method and Tutors, be matters only appertaining to the Parents charge. Now (if a curse imposed upon them, be a hindrance to them both, whereby they neither can be provided of true Instructors or instructions) Shall we accuse the Child as an Author of the Father's curse, or the Father's curse now being, as an original of the child's future inconveniences?  
This being concluded, we may well infer, concerning disinheritance, that parents cur'ses be the only causes which provoke it (seeing they might sometimes, but do not, and do not sometimes because they cannot, engraft goodness, by their own ignorance) and being so they resemble Heliogabalus, who having procured his friend's drunkenness, would cast the miserable wretches among tame Bears and Lions, to terrify them when they awaked. But herein they differ: he was the voluntary cause of his Friends; Parents, the unadvised cause of their children's error: In stead of which mitigation, he threw his friends among tame Bears & Lions: Parents, by disinheritance, throw their issue amongst rampant Wolves. For besides the perplexed infamy, and sorrowful perturbations of such excluded Castaways, what shall we conjecture touching their desperate resolution? Or how shall we condemn, if they be suddenly overthrown by the full necessity of destruction? Seeing their destitute fortune invites them to embrace each glistering temptation, and to shake hands with calamity. I cannot (for mine own part) comprehend all this without remembrance and pity of such Parent's rnines; seeing they cannot discharge all, before children have incurred destruction without them. Nothing is written which doth not amplify our instruction (saith Divinity) & nothing amongst all is more effectual than true Observations, except Divinity. Most ingenious therefore and full of persuasion, may that Morality be, soon collected from insensible creatures: They have an excellent and singular love (each creature in his kind) to nourish up their weak little ones. The hunted Lioness drives her whelps before. The pregnant Bear forsakes not her den until she be delivered; neither do the whelps come forth until they can escape danger. The Snake swallows her young, if any disadvantage happens. And above all, most admirable is nature's ingenuity, touching that foreign creature, called Su; which (being persecuted) shuts up her cubs in a depending scrip, & so protects them from the Huntsman. The multitude of examples would be tedious. ●…riefly therefore, it is an observed note among them; they never forsake their infantry till it be able every way like themselves) to prevent mischief. This may rebuke all hasty-minded Parents, who (notwithstanding the discursive light of reason) can cast off mere Humanity, and go beneath a brutish goodness of Nature, not only to forsake, but to abhor their issue; and leave them destitute, before they be any way enabled to sum stain nature. For children be indeed thus rejected ever, because they be unable. Might it be so imagined, that our posterity (like beastial generation) could, when they be at full growth, require no houses but the vail of Heaven; no nourishment but the next pasture; no clothing but the Robes of nature, no supportation against misery, but instinct, & dullness, than Parents might forsake and prove unblamable: But excellency and sweet composure, demand in us a more respected fortune. Omitting these indifferent allegations, which some may account Sophistry, rather than sound precept, because they believe nothing but what Scripture makes apparent; nor that can be accepted among them, unless no Christian contradicts it; neither can that which all acknowledge, win oftentimes any more than weak belief: It shall be therefore sufficient to confute this error in question, by the soundest proof, and then the unbelief of Humorists will serve to multiply their condemnations.  
We cannot (where things be left untouched in Scripture) assume a safer pattern than the most absolute qualities of our Maker. First then, that Metaphorical affinity, of Father and Son, which himself hath pleased to entertain betwixt Himself and his Elected, may serve to instruct Parents (without question) in all degrees of duty, and inseparate relation.  
Now all agree upon this principle, that whomsoever God hath once loved, him he hath loved 
* 〈◊〉 de libe●…tate he m●…: pag●… 415. 〈◊〉 quando semell access●… runt ad 〈◊〉 Sanctorum d●…ficere 〈◊〉 dem aliqu●… do poss●…nsed 〈◊〉 totaliter & sin a ●…er. 〈◊〉 meas nemo ●…cte manu me●…. joh. 10 28.  everlastingly. It is impossible therefore, if at any time there hath been Amity bttwixt Father and Son, that this (being observed) it should fall away to disinheritance. For if God's Majesty descend so low, as to continue his love always where He hath begun to Love: shall not imitation hereof be requisite in fathers, who be commanded to love their children, and in whom nature exacts more proportion, then in the least degree can be imagined betwixt holiness and fr●…ilty? each circumstance appears so manifest, as I know not how Sophisters can colourably distinguish. A second instance may confirm this precedent. God never hath forsaken the most wicked Reprobates, till they have voluntarily forsaken him first: The prodigal demanded his portion, left his father, and yet the father willingly accepts him being converted. This becomes far opposite to the practice of our age: so violent is the humour of disinheriting parents, as they forget common charity, & refuse love with an extreme scorn of reconcilement. As for the pretended causes which commonly provoke parents, I cannot any way cuniecture, that they be either half so infinite, or in the least degree so terrible, as those with which all parents provoke Omnipotence & therefore I cannot well see how such fathers can claim the petition of forgiveness, when they cannot forgive their own issue. The heir of a Kingdom entitles himself not more justly to his Crown, than eldest sons do to their homely inheritance. Now I observe, that wheresoever hath been a succeeding government, there, weake-braind, riotous, tyrannical, and lewd Princes, have been admitted to their dignities without contradiction. And doth not the blood of common heirs answer to a King's privilege, in the Title of Legitimate? Why then shall we not be provoked with such injustice? If children should receive no more than they deserve: or if they should claim loves respect, no longer than merits make a full proportion; how should the liberality of parents, and the prerogative of children, appear? or what obedience may Fathers ask from such Children, more than from good Apprentices? 〈◊〉 could entomb his Mares, when they purchased credit in the swift races of Olympiad's. Xanthippus could bewail his dogs death which had followed his Master from Calamina. Alexander could erect a City in the honour of Bucephalus, when he had been long defended by him in many battles. The Ass may well (among the Heathen) be adorned with Lilies, Violets, and Garlands; when their Goddess, Vesta, by an Ass' voice, a●…oyded the rape of Priapus. If merits therefore should only challenge the love of parents, nothing might make a difference betwixt sons and bond slaves: Seeing bare Humanity, and the Law of Nations hath accounted the honours of One worthy to be honoured, nothing but equal and necessary thanks. Nay, in all ages, so bountiful and respective hath authority been to true merits, as even the desertless children have met with dignity to remunerate the father's worthiness: Thus did the Athenians bestow great wages, upon Lysimachus, to gratify the service of Ar●…stides: And thus the Romans preferred the cause of Marcus Brutus, because his Ancestors had took the Country's quarrel against tyrants. Shall fathers than esteem it such a bad custom to dignify their own begotten issue, though desertless; seeing strangers have done this to congratulate good fathers? Two examples there be, ancient and modern (worth our memory) that show the practice of our Theme in question; and afford singular observation. The first is evident, in the reign of Agis a Lacedaemonian King: In whose principal City of Sparta, the custom had prohibited alienations that prejudice the Heir: The custom grew to be a confirmed Law: After continuance there sell a difference betwixt one of the highest Magistrates and his eldest son: The father was so actually provoked, that he exhibits a Decree to licence Disinheritance; the Decree was established: And afterward (saith Plutarch) covetousness became public: For now men had licence to de●… Families and Es●…ates, which otherwise should have descended. From hence my observation is double. The prime cause of disinheritance was Fury: And then the commodity was rank Covetousness. Lastly, it is apparent by the Tower-rowles, that (during the reign of Edward the fourth) one Thomas Burdet an Englishman, being somewhat innocently condemned to death (about captious terms ignorantly uttered) in his way to death espied his eldest Son, whom (before) he disinherited: Him therefore he penitently received; and having now confessed seriously, that he felt God's wrath upon him only to punish that unnatural sin, He humbly begged forgiveness of God, and of his son: The application of such a penitent remorse is easy.  
Having now marshalled up this troup of Arguments, which (I think) are approvable; some (questionless) will accounted them white-livered soldiers, dressed up only with a Rhetorical habit: But censure is no less infinite, then oftentimes odious: Trial therefore shall discharge the integrity of these; whilst I proceed briefly to muster one troup more, whose courage is enough animated by their adversaries weakness. For if the Birthright (which entitles an heir) be inseparate, than the prerogative is also inseparate, for Inheritance depends upon priority, which being unremovable; the benefit should remain likewise: It being as monstrous for an Heir to be without Inheritance, as for a Father to be without a Child: Relations therefore be so depending, that we may sooner affirm the Son and Father not to be, than Heirs and Inheritance not to be correlatives: And by the consequent as lawfully may we deprive both of Being, as we may permit the one without the other.   

Of Poetry. Essay. VII.  
POETRY is called the work of 
* Dictae sunt res naturales quae cunque naturae ordine fieren●…; cum divinitus, insita vi qua subsistunt aptae sunt ad agendum vel pa●…endum: Ʋerro lib: 1.  nature: I rather think it a Divine alacrity, entertained by the fitness of nature: For if (in general) a cheerful spirit partakes of a Divine influence; then this (being spiritually maintained, with a desire to communicate, and express such quickening inventions) can be no other, being the soul of alacrity, than an invisible Divine work; which doth transport nature, whilst nature marvels at the cause. 
* Aristotle.  Philosophy hath divided our soul's faculty; and makes the Intelligent part our principal essence: that cannot perish: Poetry depends on that, and a sublime fancy; they being the helps of our disposal: Or (to speak truly) a Poet useth every function of the soul: Depending upon which, he must reject Nature▪ For Nature perisheth, the Soul cannot. 
* Omnis Apollo in universa natura suam pulsat Citharam. Seal: 836. Exerc.  Nature is then the Handmaid; but an Infusive worthiness, the soul of Poetry. Conceive but this, and Nature will disclaim: Nature imparts her Faculties by Generation; excluding study & custom: A Poet never is engendered so, further than a natural Logician, therefore he exceeds Nature. 
* Poema (vta●…t Possidonius) est dict●…o numerosa, certa mensu●…a constans. atque prosae orationis speciem excedens: Poesis est sig●… poema, divinarum et humana: etc. Laerti: lib: 7. de vit●… philoso: 329.  The Stoics made a difference between Poema and Poesis, a Poem, and Poetry: Which difference may well serve to illustate the meritorious honour of true Stage-poetry: That only being the soul and spirit of Poesis: Other several Poems, be the limbs and weak dependents of that happy Mistress: For true representation is the spirtit of fancy; and Fancy is the treasure of apprehension: The nimbly speediness of which, makes a Poet; and that quick speediness, is not in any Poem so much apparent, as in a dramatic turning. Est enim Poesis significatiwm Poema, divinarum et humanarum rerum imitationem complectens. Poesy is a significant Poem, containing an imitation of Divine & human passages: Which imitation here intended, is not in any poem so much verified, as in a natural Play: And never was in any Nation (it may be boldly spoken) that elegance and nature observed in Play-composures, which is inhaerent generally to our English Writers at this day. So that we may invert the words of Plautus.  
— nunc novae quae prodeunt fabulae multo sunt m●…liores quae nummi nostri:  
And in Nature most equal to these writings, Poetic history approaches nearest: Consisting in the same degree of fancy; and an invention better furnished.  
We may observe a sweet concordance in this mighty Fabric: All things are coupled with an allusive union: Life, is a flash of immortality; Sleep, of death: Middle age of Summer: Arts also, and ages past, have a similitude with things inferior, and signify things future. Language is likened to a Casket, Logic to an Artificers Instrument, Rhetoric to a precious Colour: And poetry likewise hath a sit resemblance with prophesy: both be an unutterable rapture; both be a boundless large capacity: Both be a universal tractate: Both be confined within a small number: Both be discredited with false pretenders: Both be dispersed among men (originally) obscure: Both be alike neglected: Both (generally) contemned alike. Neither could prophets at all times be furnished to denounce; nor can poets be at all times furnished to compose. Poetry is made the conveyance of amorous delights: and certainly it doth bestow much sweetness in appareling love-accents. This only might discover it for a supreme donative, seeing the music in Heaven is an agreement of souls. Ier●…me Savanarola, the Monkish philosopher, makes poetry a part of reasonable philosophy; maintaining this, against natural pretenders of poetry: I will not meddle with his arguments, they are elaborate and learned: The truth is evident without serious proof.  
Verse and Rhyme be things natural: for they be only colour and appearance: But if you value the Phrase and the Materials after the same proportion, as thinking your conceit able to furnish a poem, you shall indeed perceive it likewise natural, that is, naked, unpolished, nay the scorn of poetry. A quick contriving head may utter laudably, but never was a brain so sudden, as to compose well without the precedent of others in the like kind: Nay, take the most illiterate Writers, (who propound experience and familiar allusions) they have a time to Meditate, to compare, to dispose. It is with poets and writers, as with Kings and Magistrates: princes accounted wise may liberally encroach on others wealth, and never be accounted tyrants: And poets held judicious may through laziness orignorance make use of others wits, whilst the reserved storehouse which helps others, shall be thought an empty stable.  
Quicquid delirant reges plectuntur Achivi.  
This Art of poetry cannot prove eminent, unless the writer hath a rejoicing heart, an apprehensive head, and a disclouded fancy. Carmina proveniunt amo deducta sereno, saith the poet:  
Verses proceed from a disburthend brain.  
It is impossible therefore for one dejected by calamity, or one perplexed with questions of an other Science, to get perfection in this free knowledge: I say, perplexed with questions of another Science; because a Poet should rather copiously discourse of all, by application to a witty purpose, rather than be exquisite in a particular Art, respecting depth of rule, or quiddity. Notions, conjectures, and some of the best passages, be more sufficient for him, than a precise certainty of rules. Sharp sauce procures appetite; but sharp meats kill the stomach. And doubtless little griefs be provocations to reu●…ue; whereas a multitude of disapointments, weaken Poetry: because they do embase the spirits: now poetry is the quickest part of spirit; and therefore soon distempered: as quick edges are soon blunted. He therefore who propunds excellence, must refuse the multitude of questions, and the 
* Carmina secessum scribentis et otia quoe runt. Our Trist. 3.  vexation of miseries: both be as clogs and fetters to that aspiring faculty. From hence I may conclude the perfection of this Science doth match the strains of right Alchemy: it being (in both) alike impossible to find that man who shall directly promise to attain perfection; because impediments exceed the means. The nourishment of Poetry is good applause: for Poems being made to allure and bewitch the reader in a lesson of moral precept, must prosper in their meaning, or be discountenanced: As all professions be, which make men's good opinions the reward of knowledge: and therefore hath England afforded few men accurate in historical Poems, because opinion hath vouchsafed to rank her painful volumes among easy and slight labours: whereas Italians have proved singular proficients in this kind of invention; because (saith Rosinus) authority hath graced their elegance. So that considering our negligence of historical Poems, it may be well observed with Plautus, in his prologue to Casina:  
Ea tempestate 〈◊〉 poetarum fuit qui nunc abierunt in communem locum The reason (I think) which hath wrought in England such a degenerate value of Poems, proceeded (first) from the professors ignorance & general baseness but secondly from the stubborn gravity of the best readers; who scorn to account the best Poems profitable works, because all have hitherto been accounted slight composures, or at best unprofitable And we imagine it a weakness to recant an error. Some have certainly contemned the worthiest labours eventhrough malicious, despair of attempting the like worthily. As in 
* Cynthia's Reuenge ●…euenge.  another place I have thus noted—  

A Poet's rapture, Kings have wished to feel,  
Which some despise because uncapable.   
Howsoever, the base opinion which Poetry incurs among us, hath been repaid with justice: that is, the discredit of our Nation: for our undervaluing opinion hath deprived the public of more judicious works than be already extant: And so the glory of our Nations eminent wit, hath been eclipsed with foreigners. Indeed there be some easy helps for Poets which artists have not: I have reduced them into this number Morning, wine, beauty, health, and Music are  
The five provoking helps of Poetry.  
These together be as the nourishment, not the body: for it is impossible that these should make a Poet; but only feed the powers of art and nature: which principally doth commend the temperature of Poetry: for as in physic so in this, such a food such a blood.  
These helps therefore having a sweetened purity, do show a most sweet compound in the spirit of poems which sucks their quintessence. As for the private and sensible benefit (which any shall conceive in publishing his labours) I see none virtuous but this: he may excuse (by them) his silent nature; and be accounted better, as a Melancholy Poet, than a speechless fool. Fame and Eminence savour of a fruitless ambition; that will now purchase nothing for Poetry by preferment, but an opinion that Poetry is his knowledge, and (it being so) that he is fit for nothing else: or some perhaps; nay, the wisest, will bestow compassion, and say, It is pity such a pregnant wit should endeavour so idly. These be the comforts of being famous: let Doaters be ambitious of it. The deepest poets have neglected verse: I mean the polished form of verse: but I would sooner love such works in prose; and heartily entreat such writers, even for their own dispatch-sake, and the readers also, to abandon poetry, except they can avoid that crabbed style and form, which weakens any reader's appetite and apprehension. Nothing doth so much discover poetry to be a thing of spirit and quick substance, as the delight it takes to dwell in flourishing and lusty bloods; when life and all her attributes do most provoke nature: and therefore shell you see men, who have tasted poetry in their youth, and feel a diminution by impediments of age labouring most commonly to renew their age: And most of all quicken nature by the means praemised. Whereas when poetry is in a full growth the known verses may be well applied: showing it cannot be concealed: Quicquid conabor dicere versus ●…rat. And showing that words will come alone when matter is provided. Verbaque peouisā rem non invita sequuntur: Words freely follow a provided wit.  
The relish of Poetry is a candied bark: an elegance so sweetened with apt phrase and illustration, as it excludes rough harshness, & all mystery: controversies and Philosophical questions be therefore improper arguments for a Poetical tractate: they cannot be expressed with an enticing liberty. Similitudes be the fit interpreters of Poets: when I affirm this, I do not approve all similitudes, but such as do interpret: which they cannot do, except they be more familiar than the thing interpreted. This condemns any, who from a depth in learning, shall produce the Mathematics, to illustrate Grammar: or shall compare things known by repetition to an example in Astronomy. Poor and Prodigal have been a Poet's Titles: these have been fixed with a contemptive meaning, but I imagine they advance his quality: for therefore he neglects wealth, because he feels within himself a jewel which can redeem his bondage in the worst calamity. Freedom of Brain and Body is a Poet's music: A peaceable fruition doth preserve, and doth revive his fancy. Indeed the liberty of brain makes a Poet: and if that liberty be 〈◊〉 with cross ●…ortunes of immediate dependence or displeasing casualties, the Poet hath no liberty, but only to respect the times occasion. When therefore a Reward is moti●…e, it makes the labour like itself, servile. Poetry should therefore (being an impartial free science) be undertaken by the free ●…rosessor; a man sufficient in estate: such a one as need not use flattery to win reward; nor so indite, that things may be dispatched quickly & his wants quickly furnished; nor so dispatch, that he may rather make things saleable, through obscoenity or scandals, than approved labour: Because while joyfully they should int●…nd their poems, they be too much interrupted with a remembrance of their wants, & be compelled to take a ready course: A course too ready, to be regular: And Hor●…ce himself hath said it.  
Qui paulum a summo dis●…essit, vergit ad▪ ●…mum.  
And poems made to cherish up the mind  
Being not best are of the basest kind.  
These mischiefs follow a mercenary hope: and therefore be mercenary 〈◊〉 odious: such (I mean) as are provoked by poverty, & will exact their wages.   

Of Discontents. Essay VIII.  
PLeasure and Sorrow be the objects of virtue: but discontents be may thought rather the objects of pleasure. Virtue moderates the folly of pleasure and sorrow: but pleasure so moderated removes discontents. I reckon discontents among my private 
* Sorrow may be admitted in behalf of public calamities which cannot be so well termed a Discontent.  sorrowes●…s which amplify my own misfortune; which feel the same (perhaps) a greater torment for my friend's misery, than my own: yes, I am better assured of my own fortitude to contemn sorrows, then of my friend's aptness, to relish my counsels; or of his own freedom to advise himself: and therefore his vexation (he being myself) afflicts me more injuriously: because I can overcome my own, better than His. I call those properly Discontented who are busy thoughted: who, like brainless patients, are almost desperate if another gives them poison; and yet (being recovered) they will adventure to poison themselves: for many of this rank you shall perceive, who having passed the discontents which come by others malice, will (of their own accord) frame new perplexities: They will conceive things otherwise then they be, and so nourish a conceit till they believe it real. It is one of man's extreme ignorant follies that he will fasten his vexation about casual dreams, and sleepy conceits; not meditating whether, and why he wakes. Opinion is indeed the mediate cause of discontents; but then a rectified or false capacity (being an immediate cause of rectified or false opinions) begets a true or idle discontent. I call that idle, which is begotten of an idle fancy: such idle discontents are soon expelled; they are causeless Melarcholy, begot by alteration, dispersed by alteration: But Melancholy, meeting with a real cause, becomes a settled mischief▪ Howsoever, nothing (though most worth our discontent) can be said His or My discontent, unless we so conceive it. For certainly, a careless resolution may be freed from conscience and discontent together: whereas perhaps a nice examining head may so ensnare itself with multitude of thoughts, that the confusion may provoke both: but then a careless resolution serves worthily to abate such idle, and such real discontents. For as in natural bodies fasting and food destroy and nourish; so in our daily projects, considerative thoughts and careless negligence fasten and remove. The brain of man is like a pocket Watch, where within little compass you may find great workmanship▪ and the brains of best-witted men are a curious clock; which by the distemperature of one wheel, grows distempered in every one: and indeed the most curious wits which seek a reason for every trifle be a distemperature, or affliction to themselves: still growing less like a Pyramid towards the conclusion of their curiosity in searching. Eu●…lides did therefore answer w●…ll, when one would press him in many nice questions of divinity; Cetera quidem nescio, ill●…d Scio quòd dij oderunt curiosos.  
Thus much I know the Gods detest a curiosity; The best 
* Plato Galen. Cicero. D. Ihom.  Philosophers have left a doubtful number of men's perturbations, some assign six, some five, some four some eleven. They might (in my conceit) be all reduced unto a triple number: including likewise the very causes of all discontent. Imagine therefore they proceed first from jealousies of whatkind soever; either in being contemned, neglected, or ambiguous of good success: then from doubts not to be resolved, either through weakness of our understanding, or intricacy of the question, then from an extreme desire, either of things difficult or impossible. To jealousies, and such desires, all are incident; to doubts and questions, Scholars or Scholar▪ like heads only: these comprehend the sum of all our crosses: of all our sorrows both in soul & bo●…y: Nay, all more narrowly may be reduced to a desire: For when we briefly say, He hath his heart's desire, we do withal in tend, that he is neither troubled with pleasure, grief, fear, audacity, hope or anger: The six turbulent passions reckoned by Plato. Our passions be the first causes of our discontents: And all our passions be suitable or unsuitable to nature: The first entice, the last terrify our wisdom: And therefore both kinds must be dealt with wisely, but less hardly, because one medicine overcomes both. Let neither good nor evil chances take us unprovided, and we shall be never afflicted: For either we grow sluggish & careless being pleased with good, or wholly daunted being displeased with 〈◊〉 chances▪ Let us therefore sometimes willingly please ourselves, and ha●…ing tasted what such pleasure is, let us return into the common course of labour: By which means, pleasures will not be overpleasant and attractive, when afterwards by occasion we shall be again tempted: And being not so effectual with us, we cannot afterwards repent, or be disconsolate because we did forget ourselves. Neither will griefs be over grievous, if we be sometimes sensible of others grief; not by a womanish pity (for that softens the heart, and makes it over sensible, inclining to despair) but by a noble pity, which sees our own 〈◊〉 in another's sufferings, and makes us worthily abhor●…e to be the cause of such sufferings: For whilst we so pity the wrong which others have committed, we nourish in ourselves a scorn to do the like: These excepted, the saying is true: Misereri & sapere vix dijs conceditur.  
Certainly (amongst all) perplexed questions be to a labouring head, most troublesome: And less blamable was that sound 
* Aristotle.  Philosopher, who made the Ocean capable of him, because he was not capable of reason for the Ebb and Flow; rather than such as be ashamed to live, when either neediness, fear, ignominy, grief, or disappointments contradict them. It is mere beastial to die upon such weak encounters; which might be all confuted with a Heathens knowledge: But then to die for ignorance may seem excusable: For such a life is beastial, where we are ignorant of reason; and better is it to be ignorant of reason how to prevent death, then to preserve life in ignorance: Because I hold it highly monstrous, to dishonour the nice fabric of a man's body with a brutish soul. The truth is, our discontents of any kind do misinform our judgement; no otherwise then a busy knave, who (seeing the bad luck of lawful means) doth bribe the Magistrate: and never was a Magistrate more easily bribed, then is a judgement (so oppressed) corrupted We have no liberty to know, much less to judge; no reason to discourse, much less to put a difference no freedom to conceive, much less to understand, when Discontents do trouble us. They interpose our brightest emine●…ce of wisdom no otherwise then clouds d●…rken the suns glory: They keep a strong possession against our virtue and all good society. The most significant Title they can deserve is Treache●…ous: For they breed sensibly an invocation, begetting in us a preposterous change; and that commonly proceeds from worse to worse: For being more incorporate with them and their mutations, we challenge less freedom in ourselves, to help ourselves. Discontents, like an extreme disease, be of a shifting nature: They delight continually in motion, as men vehemently sick do change their beds & chambers. A Discontented man does and undoes, that he may do again: thinking to lose his humour in variety, or by adventure (if by nothing else) among many changes to make one goodone▪  
But this desire of change corrupts our wisdom with a sensible distraction: For sour stomachs un-acquainted with a new food refuse it with many raspings. So likewise our understanding oppressed with new & sudden objects, doth languish and become affrighted: being not able to digest things in order. We shall perceive a threefold mischief which goes inseparate with discontents: For they be ready to seduce our thoughts our words, our actions: We misesteem, mis- condemn, mis▪ attempt, through discontented passions. The reason is manifest: For Discontent being the cō●…anion of our thoughts, makes them, our words and actions, ruled by that; and so become unpleasing, like itself: Therefore do Male contents undervalue merit in their own opinion: Therefore (being waspish) they detract from worthiness, therefore they dislike or do condemn bitterly, and therefore, likewise, do men thus affected, undertake more venturously than wisely. So that Sallust hath observed well touching the Character of Cattlines' adherents, that they were Homines quos flagitium, eg●…stas, aut c●…nsciu animus exagitabat. And questionless, such men so inwardly bitten with their own afflictions, can find no leisure in themselves to keep affinity with others. Good Sovereign's therefore, loving Parents, honest Friends, loyal Subjects, wise Masters, have been no Malcontents: For (being so) it is impossible that such a troubled Fountain should send forth any thing but offensive tumults. There is nothing more doth make our enemies rejoice, than a dejected spirit, and nothing more afflicts our soul then to be sensible of their rejoicings; therefore doth that experienced Prophet David so often wish for a deliverance from their triumph; ●…o often doth he lament their insultations. Infinite are those advantages, which may be had against men discontented: As namely secrets may be extorted from, and treasons may be infused unto them: It cannot otherwise be: For grief and sorrow sitting most heavy upon the vital parts, do crush & mortify the spirits; which failing to convey a nourishment to the brain, it presently grows light and spongy, fitted to suck up any new matter, and to have the old squeezed from it. And therefore hath a melan●…holy spirit some prerogative in thi●… respect; be cause his time of discontent is scarce distinguished from his daily carriage; for night is sooner visible in an open Palace, than a smoky Cottage. I may propound of sorrows, what Celsus doth of Coleworts: being half sodden▪ they are laxative; but twice sodden, they are binding: So discontents being but slightly apprehended and entertained, may be a means sitting to prepare the way for honest applications, and to purge security: But being suffered long to bo●…le within us, they do confirm their own, and also stop the passage of other worse corruptions. Of Moral and awa●…ening Discontents, the wise Solomon spe●…kes, when he resolves positively; Anger is better than laughter, for by a sad look the heart is made better: Melior est i●…a risu: quia per tristitiam vultus▪ co●…rigitur animns delinquentis: And (without question) some natures may be likened to the blacke-thornes, that flourish best with hail, storm, and tempest: Or to the Mackerel which cannot be awakened and brought upwards, but with thunder. But some Favourites there be, so much beholding to Fortune, that in a whole Age they have scarce learned the definition of sorrow. In these men the Proverb is verified; F●…oles are Fortunate; and yet agreeable with an honest meaning: For those (I think) are chiefly bound to Fortune, or Providence rather who cannot through a good simplicity affect dishonest practices, and close dealings: It being consonant with reason, that men ill-befriended with a subtle Brain, should be assisted with some higher Policy. All that we suffer, is by our Own or Fortune's work: We cannot be too patient with Fortunes, too much provoked with our own works of sorrow: When Fortune punisheth we have no remedy, when our own indiscretion punisheth, we may afflict ourselves the longer with a wise fury, that we may learn to recollect and to awaken our judgement. Some have a resolute contempt for all adversities; but such a valorous scorn may be engendered by sottish ignorance, or an uncapable dullness, no otherwise then both may be a Drunkard's motives in extreme hazard. As for myself I never felt a sorrow, which I esteemed a 〈◊〉, unless it gave no profitable use, either by making me more circumspect & provident; or acquainting me beforehand with my destiny. The most honourable dealing with our worst afflictions, is to confute them by a discourse of Brain, and so exercise our knowledge, for our own advantage, against the ●…oes of Knowledge. And doubtless there is enough left in Nature (if we could apprehend) to comfort all our troubles: when I say thus I mean enough as well to settle and confirm a soul shak●…n with uncertain doubts, as to redeem a wretch laden with the world's misery: Nay if nature affords matter enough to confute objections, she must needs yield matter also to remove Sorrows: For every sorrow of what kind soever, is nothing but an objection to the mind, which man's weakness cannot answer: As the fortune of a shipwrecked man objects death of poverty; the fortune of a man Condemned objects disgrace; the Disappointed man's fortune, objects unlucky dealing, and so the rest: All which I purpose at my leisure to recite in method, & to convince their bitterness: Which will unless▪ I be deceived, create men 〈◊〉 to despise affliction. But in the mean time none among the worst crosses shall predominate, if sometimes in a lawful humour we do cross ourselves: And so begin to learn the difficult manner of denving our le●…d inclinations: which cannot well endure a disapointment; because they covet a sensual fruition. If any man thinks these medicines tedious he, may Dyogines his remedy in fewer words: Fortunae confidentiam, 
〈◊〉: lib: 6. 272.  naturae Legem, perturbationi rationem obijce: Make Confidence resist Fortune, Law resist Nature and Reason Discontents.    

Two Books of Characters.  

The first Book.  

CHARACTER. I. An Impudent Censurer  
IS the torture-monger of Wit, ready for execution before judgement. Nature hath dealt wisely with him in his outeside; for it is a privilege against confutation, and will beget modesty in you to see him outface: He is so fronted with striving to discountenance knowledge, by the contempt of it, as you would think him borne to insolence, though indeed it be habitual and comes by negligence of his company, which rather seek to laugh an●… continue, then to reform his v●…nity. A chimney-sweeper may converse with him very safely, without the hazard of blushing: and so may any that will contemn his ignorance: Buffets will convince him better than language or reason: That proves him ranke-bestiall, descended from the walking Apes; which on the Mountains seem careful Inhabitants, but at your approach the formality of m●…n only. The Land-theefe, and Sea-captain, be never le●…e out of their way, but wi●…er commonly about their object: They spare to wound poor tr●…uellers but he encounters any thing not worth eye sight. He will seem to cleanse Books of errors: but take him in his true knowledge, and he cannot do so much good 〈◊〉 Fellow that sweeps gutters. A wise man's mind governs his body his mind is only restrained by a bodily fear: And if you hope to be released of what he dares, you must enforce him to what he dares not; and than you shall perceive him to be the comical braggart, or the lingling spur. Lay aside this medicine and he is incurable, for he is so ra●…isht with his own folly, as he often commends what he misinterprets, and still dispraises▪ if he scorn the Author) because he cannot perceive. To commend therefore and discommend what he conceives not, is alike tolerable & equal: Neither is it to be admired ●…f he dislikes the soundest works of a good Author: for he regards not the works and writings of God himself: if he did, he would embrace charity, and so censure less. The wild Arabian comprehends him fully: for as the one, so the other, taketh tribute and exaction of all passengers, except acquaintance and familiars: if any thing makes him praiseworthy, this must, or nothing: becauses he seems (by this means) moral in friendship and so in some kind virtuous: But his applause and detraction, are both odious, because abounding through his mere pleasure: And as some ●…luttish people take pleasure in their own excrements, and relish the pickings of their nose; so he, his own opinion. When all Trades perish, he may turn Shopkeeper, and deal with Balance: For in weights and measures none is more deceitful. He ponders pithy volumes by the dram or scruple, but small errors by the pound. If he takes courage in his humour, he haunts the Authors company, recites the work, intends it to some third person, and after he hath damned the thing in question, he refers himself to the right owner; who, if he be there manifest, must conjure this devil quickly, or he will seem honest, & give satisfaction: but call his life in question, and he betrays his guiltiness, which then accuses him of false dealing howsoever; yes, though he hath commented rightly; for he commends ignorantly, and discommends scandalously. So delighting in his humour, he makes his freehold an Inheritance: put it to the hazard, and he will compound for the title. When he misses the censure of books, he proves always the most harmless, deriding, impudent, and absurd fool in the company: and he takes it for granted still that every conceit being his own is most ingenious— let him add folly and I grant him.   

CHARACT: II. A Complete▪ Man  
IS an impregnable Tower: and the more batteries he hath undergone, the better able he is to continue immovable The time and he are always friends: for he is troubled with no more than he can well employ; neither is that less, then will every way discharge his Office; So he neither surfeits with I●…lenesse, nor action. Calamities, and Court-preferments do alike move him, but cannot remove him: Both challenge from him a convenient use, no wild endeavour, either to swell or despair. His religion, learning, and behaviour, hold a particular correspondence: He commands the latter, whilst himself and both be commanded by the first. He chooses men as good musicans choose their Vials; by sound, rather th●…n by the sight: he may well give his affections leave to wander; for (like a well-mannd Hawk) they be always within whistling. He holds it presumption to know, what should be looked, or thought upon with wonder; and therefore rather than he will exceed, he can be less than himself: accounting it more noble to imitate the friutfull bough which stoops under a precious burden; then applaud the tall eminence of a fruitless Birch-tree: knowing Humility is a fitter step to knowledge, than presumption. He seems willingly to seek acquaintance with vice and with temptation, meaning to allure it, till, without suspicion, he may soon disrobe and disarm it: Like the Sun which enters to the most polluted place●…, but is not any thing the more polluted. Or having laboured to know the strength of folly, he knows it to be his Capti●…e. From hence proceeds his victory, in that he can prevent mischief, and scorn the advantage of base●…esse. His wit and apprehension (like the in 〈◊〉 air) will pierce through less cranyes then the pores of a man's body. His worthiness to be rewarded he may conceal: But his desire to do nobly, in a better kind, his actions will not suffer to be unknown: by which the world can judge he deserves, and save him from the scandal of a Cunning Hypocrite. If merits direct him in the way to honour, they do not leave him in the way to honour, but are his best attendants to accompany his whole preferment: For to deserve what he obtains, and to deserve no more is s●…uggish; to deserve after a thing bestowed, is duly thankful; But a continued merit stops accusation. He is thankful for whatsoever, he receives by the world's favour: And he neglects no profit which the time affords, by insufficiency to discern it or to recompense it: For what he observes, passeth through the forge of his wisdom, which refines it; and the file of his practice, which confirms it as a good pattern: So the interest exceeds the principal, and (which exceeds all) praiseth the Usurer. It may seem strange that a complete man is a good Carpenter: but (take my meaning as you list) his actions are directed by the Line and Square. The name of guilt (with him) is vanished under the charm of a good conscience: Which with his eyesight save his taste a labour: for he knows what experience can teach, but is not taught by experience. He is faithfully his own friend: and accepts the friendship of others for his own ●…ake; but imparts his own for others. When he loves, he loves first: from hence he challenges a double honour: For Love and Priority is a twofold merit. He lacks nothing to engender happiness; for he can spare nothing that he enjoys: he enjoys it so honestly and absolutely. And that he hath already, serves to purchase new contentment. For as he lives, his capacity is enlarged, though before it were sufficient for his other faculties: they be most numerous when himself is nothing: for being dead, he is thought worthier than alive: then he departs to his advancement.   

CHARACTER. III. A good Husband  
IS the second part of a good man: he challenges no more nor less from Art or Nature, then doth become his faculty, & give comfort to his Wife; so he doth not (by striving to please) seem low minded; nor by overvaluing his properties, prove a tyrant. His behaviour and discourse promise no more than he means, and may very well justify. He is not altogether to be chosen by the common weight or standard; for his best parts are invisible. A good Wife shall know him quickly to be worth her taking: for he will first know her worthiness. He is not therefore put to much trouble of being denied twice: for if he thinks he can prevail amiss, prevail too soon, or not prevail, because he is too good; he hath the modesty to refuse first: But otherwise, if opinion dares suspect, and so refuse him first, he may account it happiness because he was refused so soon: having (by that means) escaped one who could not discer●…e him. The honour of a good wife makes him no more unpractised in the patience of a bad, then if he conversed with her: so his virtues be familiar, no●… enforced. The misery of a bad wife likewise hath no more enraged him to discredit all women, them the worthiness of a good one hath moved him to be an Idolater: So his blessing is, not to augment his curse, or curse his blessing. The highest end of his marriage premeditated, is to resolve how he may desire it without end. He feels not the absence of youth by a decay in lust; but measures the approach of a crooked body by his entire and strait affection. He neither deceives himself with a foolish confidence, nor draws a disadvantage to himself, by being distrustful: For he may be acquainted with those, to whom he safely cannot commit his wealth, much less his wives honesty, but he never suspects, before he be past suspicion, and every thing be apparent. He hath (notwithstanding) no friend whom he dares not make his deputy: But if he hath not knowledge enough, to choose a friend that may be trusted; he hath no reason to trust a woman. He seeks rather to be well known then commonly noted: for being known, he cannot be mistaken; but otherwise it is very doubtful. A good Husband (like the pith which runs in the midst of a body) dissuces himself equally to the circumference: imparting equal care & love to wife and children: Love and providence be the two counterpanes of a good husband. He hates not her, but h●…rs; and that with a hope to make her detest herself, not be divorced from him: For he covets rather to be daily amending her, then make a new hazard, or want resolution. He may dislike therefore his wives humour▪ and love her in the same quantity. He cannot be chosen, because a better is absent, for you may find in himself the practitioner and pattern. He cannot therefore be refused, if he be well known: For being good, he proves the best and being so, the best Husband.   

CHARACTER. FOUR A Contented Man  
IS a fair building in the bottom of a Valley: You may discern nothing about him, unless you approach near, and nothing in him worth himself, unless you do proceed. There is no land like unto his own conscience: that makes him sow and reap together: for actions be (with him) no sooner thoughts, than they prove comforts, they be so full of Innocence. His life therefore is a continual harvest: his countenance and conversation promise hope; they both smile upon their object: Neither doth the end fail his purpose: for his expectation was indifferent and equal, according to the means. Events therefore cannot oppress him; for he propounded all, before he undertook some; and saw the extremest point of danger, before he did embark. He meddles no further with uncertainties, than loss & lucre be alike in accident: For doubtful things of moment, make men stagger, whilst hope and fear distracts them. If probable & lawful means deceive him, they cannot trouble him: for he ascribes nothing to himself, that is above him. When Gods determinations do therefore disappoint; he neither marvels, nor misinterprets. Neglected fortunes, and things past, he leaves behind; they cannot keep pace with him. The necessity of things absent, he measures by his means: but as for things impossible, he could never beg in to affect them. And in the quest of future projects, he never doth transgress the present comfort. He can with as much selfe-credit be a Captive, as a promoted Courtier. Dignities may do him honour, not entice him: Poverty may threaten, & be peremptory, but cannot overcome. Riches may make his honesty more eminent, not more exquisite: He cousins the world in his behaviour; and when he seems disconsolate, he is best contented. He is so far from adding malice to any, that he can praise the merits of an enemy; without grudging. Anger and Revenge be two turbulent passions: In him (therefore) the first shows only that he can apprehend: the last, that he can justly prevent further mischief. So he neither doth insult through anger; nor satisfy his bitterness by revenge. Repentance, which with some proves melancholy, with him proves a delightful assurance: for seldom doth he lament things merely vicious, so much as virtues imperfectly attemped. He undertakes every thing with more advantage, than any (but himself) can imitate: for being void of troublesome vexation, his willing mind makes the way less difficult. His policy and close dealing do not disturb his time of pleasure, or his quiet dreams: For he can awake with as much delight in day, and sleep with as much solace in the dark, as either his intimate purpose can awake to every man's applause; or he concealed to his own safety, and no man's detriment. He doth not readily incur another's rage; nor doth he rail against himself; for he cannot be before hand with quarrelsome engagements; n●…r rashly run into a manifest error. He doth not therefore (when all approve him) miscall himself, closely, damned Hypocrite, or lewd villain. He feels more felicity in this, that he can forbear to enjoy any thing, rather than let▪ any thing enjoy him; or rather than he will enjoy any thing indirectly. He is not so self▪ subsisting that he scorns to borrow; so shameless, that he borrows all: nor so alone contented, that others do not partake in his freedom: or so absolute in freedom, that he becomes not more absolute by the use of others. He resembles the parish bells; which keep the same tune at Marriages and Funerals: So a contented man observes the same Music of content, either in occ●…sion of joy or sadness. He makes more ill meanings good, by good construction, more hapless events honest by a lawful confidence, and more dangerous undertakings easy, by a calm proceeding, than the contrary. For (whilst he knows jealousy as a fearful, eating, and distasteful vice) he cannot suspect without the cautions of why, whom, how, where and when. Briefly, being contented, he is content to be happy; and being so, he thrives best when he thinks best: he does more than he undoes. He wins more often than he saves: &, like the Caspian Sea, remains the same unchangeable.   

CHARACT. V. A good Emperor  
IS the second Saviour to Christianity, and a direct centre of his people's love: his greatness extends, rather to posterity, then is confident of pedigree. He may be counseled or confirmed, but his election remains peculiar. His object therefore (to discern) may be infinite, or extra●…agant; but patterns (to imitate) must be supernal; for he acknowledges but one supremacy and in that remembers a succession: which makes him leave man's precepts unto frailty, view honour as as thing mediate, himself immediately next to his Creator, and doth only know his high commission a determinable power, not know and murmur. He doth afflict (like lightning) never but when he is resisted. He lacks nothing of divinity, but Time in his prerogative, the want of which takes away eternity: so all the honour which relates to him for God's sake, conveighes itself to God for his own. His fear doth vanish into love or anger; for he may embrace or conquer, but cannot submit. He preserves many whom he might destroy; but he destroys none whom he should preserve: for (like a medicine) he doth not naturally draw blood. His royal bounty is as well prompt to take with honour, as to give with liberty. And as he can deserve nothing because on him depends every thing: so is he not by any man to be deserved, because unto him every man owes his whole Inheritance. If therefore he doth forgive where subjects do condemn; or choose when multitudes abandon; he doth but manifest his free desires, and show affinity betwixt himself & holiness, which raises from the d●…ng hill to the commanding fortune and from the most obscure disdain of vulgar thoughts unto the state of happiness. Nay oftentimes this secret in public offices proves true, That men without the aid of birth, and glory of famous merit, lack only so good an entrance, but have commonly a better ending: or at least, strive more to attain what others presume upon. The event therefore makes his large prerogative true wisdom, which may be misinterpreted weakness. The Lion, a King of beasts, is recovered in sickness, by eating an Ape; and a good King by devouring flatterers. He is the same briefly to his kingdom, that 
* Luc▪ Florus Lib●… ●…. cap. 3. fol. 17. actum erat nisi marius ille saeculo contiguesset  Marius was among the Tigurines: all perishes without him.   

CHARACT: VI A worthy Poet  
IS the purest essence of a worthy Man: He is confident of nature in nothing but the form, and an ingenious fitness to conceive the matter. So he approves nature as the motive, not the foundation or structure of his worthiness. His works do every way pronounce both nourishment, delight, and admiration to the reader's soul: which makes him neither rough, effeminate, nor windy: for by a sweet contemperature of Tune and Ditty, he entices others to goodness; and shows himself perfect in the lesson. He never writes upon a full stomach, and an empty head; or a full head, and an empty stomach. For he cannot make so Divine a receptacle, stoop to the fordid folly of gall or envy, without strength: or strength of brain stoop, and debase itself with hunting out the body's succour. He is not so impartial as to condemn every new fashion, or tax idle circumstance; nor so easy as to allow vices, and account them generous humours. So he neither seeks to enlarge his credit of bitterness, by a snarling severity; nor to augment his substance by insinuating courtship. He hath more debtors in knowledge among the present Writers, than Creditors among the ancient Poets. He is possessed with an innocent liberty, which excludes him from the slavish labour and means of setting a gloss upon frail commodities. Whatsoever therefore proceeds from him, proceeds without a meaning to supply the worth, when the work is ended; by the addition of preparative verses at the beginning; or the dispersed hire of acquaintance to extol things indifferent: Neither does he passionately affect high patronage, or any, further than he may give freely; and so receive back honest thanks. The dangerous name and the contempt of Poets, sprung from their multitude of corruptions, proves no disadvantage or terror to him: for such be his antidotes that he can walk untouched, even through the worst infection. And indeed that mountebanks preparing oil which kept his hands unscalded, was a toy of nothing to this Poet's rarity of discretion, which so prepares his mind, that he can bathe it in the strains of burning lust, fury, malice, or despite, and yet be never scalded, or endangered by them. He only among men is nearest infinite: For in the 
* Duo apud Romanos 〈◊〉 genera, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Lib. 7. de legibus. 〈◊〉, & 〈◊〉: 〈◊〉 autem sunt dicti a greco 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 quod significat vmb●…ā nam in vmb●…a sicbant & ing●…nij 〈◊〉 exercitaban●…ur. Rosin●… lib. 5 cap. 6.  Scenical composures, of a Tragedy or Comodie he shows the best resemblance of his high Creator: turning his quick passions, and witty humours to replenish and overcome, into matter and form as infinite, as God's pleasure to diversify mankind. He is no miserable self-lover, nor no unbounded prodigal: for he can communicate himself wisely to avoid dull reservedness, but not make every thought common, to maintain his market. It must be imputed to his perfect eyesight, that he can see error, and avoid it without the hazard of a new one: As in Poems, so in projects, by an easy conjecture. He cannot flatter, nor be flattered: If he gives Desert, he gives no more; and leaves Hyperbole in such a matter of importance: As for himself, he is so well known unto himself, that neither public fame, nor yet his own conceit, can make him overvalued in himself. He is an enemy to Atheists; for he is no Fatist nor Naturalist: he therefore excludes Luck and Rhyme, from the acceptance of his Poems; scorning to acknowledge the one as an efficient, the other as an essence, of his Muse's favour. He pays back all his imitation with interest; 〈◊〉 his Authors (if revived) would confess their chief credit w●…s to be such a pattern: otherwise (for the most part) he proves himself the pattern, and the project in hand: Silver only and sound metal comprehends his nature: rubbing, motion, land customary usage, makes the brightness of both more eminent. No marvel though he be Immortal, seeing he converts poison into nourishment; even the worst objects and societies to a worthy use. When he is lastly silent (for he cannot die) he finds a Monument prepared at others cost and remembrance, whilst his former actions be a living Epitaph.   

CHARACT: II. An honest Lawyer.  
IS a precious Diamond set in pure gold, or one truly honest, and a complete Lawyer: The one gives glory to the other; and being divided, they be less valuable. Divinity, and corrected nature, make him habitual in the first, but studious labour, and a discursive brain make him equal, if not absolute, in the last▪ he knows Law to be the Mris. of man, and yet he makes honesty the Mris of the Law. The first therforemay exceed the last; but the last never hath predominance in him, without the other. He is too divine to be tempted with fear, favour, Minerals, or possessions; and too divine not to be tempted with perfect knowledge, and a pitiful complaint: he hath as much leisure to dispute with conscience, in the most busy Term, as in the deadest Vaction: And he is always more diligent to maintain wronged poverty, then attentive to allow injurious Greatness: he can as freely refuse a prodigal, or enforced bounty, as he can accept or demand due recompense: He resorts, to London with a more full brain, then empty bags, and (at his return) he purses up more full comfort, then yellow coin. He cannot be so confident as to persist in error; nor so ignorant as to err by weakness: When therefore (through an abundance) some knowledge is confounded, his error only proves a doubtful question; and serves to reduce scattered remna●…ts into method. The multitude of contentions ma●…e not him rejoice in the number, but in the difficulty; that truth may appear manifest to our progeny. He rails not against the vices of his profession, but makes his profession commendable by his own practice of virtue: his Client's disease of being suspended, touches him like his own sickness; he dares not give a dangerous purgation to dispatch him, nor by negligence and delay, let the eui●…l grow inward & incorporate, to strengthen itself, or consume the patient. He is therefore exquisite in preservatives against the consumption; though perhaps he may fail in restoratives ●…o support weakness. He may well be a precedent to the best Physicians; for he undertakes no cure when he perceives it inclining to be desperate: Nay rather he is a true subject, that fears and scorns to meddle with counterfeit pieces, further than to resolve being asked (as Goldsmiths are) whether they will endure the Test. So he makes the cause, & not his Client, the object of his labour. If he have favour enough to make truth be currant, he looks no further: which he needs not to patch business; nor would he willingly pursue it: if truth were not often discountenanced. He doth therefore at a judges death lament the death of his learning not his own private lucre: He can ride the circuit, and scorn to be circular. He hath no leisure to protract time or save his Client's opinion with jests premeditated, or windy inferences: His modesty was never below his courage in a good cause, nor his courage inclining to impucence, though he were still honoured with a prosperous event. He owes so much worship to desert & innocence, that he can as faithfully applaud sufficient worth, as not insult over, or exclaim against dull ignorance. He is miraculously preserved against incantations: the strongest spell cannot charm him silent, nor the most tempting spirit provoke him to a vain pleading. He dares know & profess in spite of potency; he dares be rich and honest in despite of custom: And if he doth not grow from a good man, to a reverend Title, he scorns to be a Traitor and blame tyranny which overslips desevings; but he descends below his own unworthiness. Briefly, he is a precious vessel; he endures the rest and the defiance of time: he is a sound commodity which never fails the Customer: and doth heartily confess that whosoever swerves from this pattern, swerves from honesty, though he be deeply learned: Howsoever, he thinks a Lawyer deeply learned cannot choose but be honest; except multitude of Clients oppress him.   

CHARACT. VIII. A Detractor  
IS his own private foe, and the world's professed enemy: He is indeed an obstinate heretic, and if you will convert him, you must a new create him likewise: he is of the Mahametan sect which hath despised all religious Arts & Sciences, except the confusion of all: so he approves continually the worst things among many good, & condemns that which is judiciously commended: To read therefore and refuse, makes up the best part of his judgement. He hath an* impediment 
ignorance. Spite. Disdame. Enuy.  in his language proceeding from his heart; which makes him that he cannot speak well of any man. His five senses have a mortal combat with all objects, that afford sense, or any thing upon which they fasten: his eye could never yet behold a woman fair enough, or honest enough, on whom he might bestow the sincere part of his affection: but he marries one to beget an equal society of froward children: His ear was never well contented with a delicious tune, for the left is only open, and that only apt to conceive discords, through a customary habit; which hath rejected all, & therefore will: For that he once hath, and is again minded to discredit worthiness, gives him both reason & encouragement to continue spiteful: But (to our comfort be it spoken) his envy ends commonly with himself, or at most, endeavours not otherwise then a nasty passenger, to rub against, and defile fair outsides, because himself is loathsome: he stops his nose if a perfume approach, but can well endure a stinking draft, or kennel, and embrace the savour: His palate hath no relish except he may discommend his diet, and yet he consumes all to the very fragments: he touches or takes up nothing which is not blasted by him with a natural dislike; or at least he will utter the manifest form of discontent. You must believe him sick or cloyed with sweet meats: for his judgement being out of taste, he cannot relish. His tongue, the Herald of his imagination, is a busy Officer, and will (without question) challenge the same reward of him, that it doth of Women, for it dispatcheth the same service, and deserves therefore (proportionably alike) to be called the main property of each: he is not inferior also to a woman in malice; for she is that way limited to some persons, though undeterminable in spite: but he transcends; accounting it his pomp to be infinitely licentious towards all. He rails against the State, and speaks treasons confidently to himself alone, expecting an event of his desires: Nay, sometimes he is taken (through the licence of his tongue, & a little sufferance of the company) in peremptory speeches that bring to his answer: Neither will he hearken to reformation, till he lacks his ears: He is not (if a Churchman) ashamed to quarrel, first with his Patron, and openly disclaim against the poor value of his Benefice: If, a common humorist, he will diminish the worth likewise of a gift, before the givers face; & looks to the disconveniences, not the commodity, he gets by possession: If he commends any man (which is a great wonder) he presently after will recite the special favour & bounties he hath received by him. A slight Arithmetician may cast up the total sum of his Character: and by substraction (being the body of his soul) may find him under the value of an honest man, above half in half: For he lacks Charity, and so comes short of a good Christian: And therefore is an egregious coward because he scorns to justify, except he rails against the dead; thither he hastens being unworthy to live longer: 
Detractor 〈◊〉 inter 〈◊〉 blan●… nor 〈◊〉 bestias famelicas.  And as Dyogenes hath long since resolved, he is the worst among wild beasts, none excepted.   

CHARACT. IX. An Humorist  
IS the scorn of Understanding, the traitor to Reason, or the vanity of a better man: Blood-letting, a good whip, honest company, or reasonable instructions might (at the first) recover him. But if he continues among laughing spirits one quarter, the disease will grow inward, and then the cure grows desperate. If his humour be hereditary, he is more familiar with it, and makes it the principal virtue of his family: If imitation breeds a habit, he makes it the pledge of sworn brotherhood, or at least the favour of new acquaintance: he never is infected single, or with one humour only; for either he is now admitted to the several orders; or he is prompt enough to subscribe generally when occasion peeps. You must not dare to discommend, or call in question, his behaviour seriously with his companions; for though you cannot call the humour lawful, it is sufficient if you can call it his humour. You may justly forbear to Restrain him; for if he be truly adopted, he thinks it an especial part to be respectless. Tobacco is a good whetstone for his property: he doth seldom therefore forget to provoke his constitution this way: and (by being insariate) he knows well his humour may escape the search of reason, by virtue of the mist. He hath from his cradle been swaddled up, with much obstinate & peremptory affectation: It being indeed commonly the character of his ripest age, to support that freely in his manhood, which was forbidden in the spark of his minority: he never slips opportunity with deliberation; he is therefore prompt enough to begin, and the reason of his act is enough, though only that he hath begun; because humour is the motive. There is nothing within the compass of thought so trivial, so absurd, and monstrous, which his vanity will not aver to be ponderous, decent, & natural. Neither will he abhor to justify them by his own practice, against all opposers. He travails up and down like Tom of Bedlam, under the title of mad Rascali, Witty Rogue, or Notable mad slave: and these attributes be a more effectual oratory to applaud his humour, than a direct commendation. He will not sometimes (upon small discontinuance) vouchsafe to acknowledge, or (at least) know, his familiar friends, without much impertinence and Interrogatories of their name, or habitation: whilst another time, he dares adventure his knowledge, & salutations upon mere aliens. He is very much distracted, and yet I wonder how the frenzy should be dangerous; for he never breaks his brain about the study of reason or invention: seeing his humour is the privilege of both: It is therefore sufficient for him to be extreme melancholy, and most ignorant of the cause or object; and suddenly to be unmeasurably frolic without provocation: whilst he is only beholding to a brainless temperature in discharge of his credit. He will converse freely with serving-men and Soldiers within 12. hours; & presently when the ague hath once seized him, he proves tyrannical and insolent towards the silly vermin. He never broke a vow in his whole life, or broke vows continually: for either they have not suited with his variety, to be intended, or he hath intended to keep them no longer then might agree with his body which, ebbs and flows When he grows old, and past voice, he learns foreign languages: as if when he had dined, he would devour the dishes. In a word he is a chief commander of new actions, but no commander of himself; being in his best bravery but a Turkish Slave, ever subject to desire and appetite: according to their pattern, he is himself to himself praiseworthy, or elegant; but to worthiness itself, odious.   

CHARACTER. X. A weak-brained Gull  
IS a needless ornament: And yet an ornament to make wiser men more accounted. Some call him a petulant neat youth; I rather think him a glass bottle in a gilded case: that is, a fair outside with a brain easily broken. He takes the upper hand of a fool, nay of a wise man also; and in opinion is as good as a Courtier. According to Plato's definition he is no man. Plato defined a man to be a two-legd creature, having broad talents without feathers; but this above named gull wears feather enough to hide a Helmet. His education hath been (from a child) tenderly fearful; and the mother remains still afraid of his fortunes, lest his politic wisdom should hazard them too far: whilst his fortunes hazard his wisdom. He hath been always a young Master, and yoked his ears first to insinuation, under some oily tongued servant, or flattering Tutor. he continues love no longer than he finds a fellow consenting to his vainglory: the dislike of which sooner than any thing makes him to be choleric, to resolve and fight perhaps: but otherwise To know he hath rich kindred, and to derive a pedigree; satisfy his Valour, Learning, proficience in Estate or credit with mere contemplation. So much indeed doth he hang upon the pillars of his gentry, as it shall therefore be the first preparative of his acquaintance to salute, and ask What countryman your Father is, of what house: or he will inquire his demesnes only (of some neighbour:) and if your body be handsome, your clothes proportionable, your parents wealthy; he hath purchased an everlasting friend in the beginning. A round oath is valour enough, a foolish Ditty Art enough, and good fellowship honesty enough. He should be bought up in Italy (among the butchers) for an English Calf: because he carries his whole prize and value about him. The truth is, he scorns to be a searcher, and thinks it enough for his Tailor to meddle with linings. But in the circumstance of making your clothes, the price of your Beaver and silk stockings, your purpose to travail, or of your long absence; The Spanish Inqnisition cannot be so unmerciful. He is contented richly, nay absolutely, to be taken only for a harmless man. Suppose he hath now left the university, and brings a little dream of Logic from the College; being arrived at London, he sticks a feather in his Hat; and it is all one as if he had fastened it in his head: for his brain, from that day forward becomes broken. The generosity and noble carriage of ●…is discourse, is to run desperately into the name of some courageous gallant Knight, or some 〈◊〉 in favour: if their alliance ●…o his family can be detected he ●…iues way with an apparent re●…ish. The wisest action that ever 〈◊〉 attempted, was to spare much 〈◊〉 in discourse by fingering ●…is beard or bandstrings: and if ●…e bestows much on Tobacco ●…e cannot be blamed much: for ●…t hath many times freed him from the discredit of a Non plus. He is very well fitted for all societies, if his outside be suitable; further than which he never connersed with himself effectually. Nor can I wonder, though he pays dearly, and preserves clothes deliciously; seeing those alone are the maintenance of his whole worth; and therefore you shall perceive him more furiously ●…ngaged about the rending of his doublet, or a little lace, than a magnanimous box, or a bastinado: And he will enter into a Tavern at the foreside, though he might go a nearer way, only to discover his gold lace and scarlet. If his bands & cuffs be sunburnt they will not much misbecome him: for he thinks himself an unlucky Ass, if a painted beauty doth not shine upon him. He is ambitiously given to be promoted, either by some embassage to divulge his pedigree, & learn fashions, or by entertainment of some chief Noblemen to discover his bounty: But his worst ambition is to salute the next Coach or Foot-cloth: and he thinks verily that the prize of a flourishing salutation wins more credit than his Beaver. He will hang out at the Tavern window as commonly as the sign; that he may see naked breasts and velvet linings pass along; & wrap their graces in his fancy till the next Sunns-rising. He shifts his Familiars by the survey of prospect, and externals; but his directions proceed from the Proverb of like to like, rathet then Physiognomy. He is credulous & con●…ident: the less certainty he hath of a report, the more public he is, and peremptory. He commits the best part of his understanding to a talkati●…e Barber: with whom he is the more frequent; because he thinks to have a curle-pate, is to have a visible wit. He studies a new fashion by the six months together: and reads Albertus Magnus, or Aristatles Problems in English, with admiration. He would be Physical, and justly; for not to preserve his folly in health, were to deceive the world of his pattern: but being merry for digestion, his laughter is exorbitant causeless, endless, & like himself: But fools of his own fashion praise him, for a witty Gentleman, or a gentlemanly Fellow. His safest course will be to marry: nothing makes him so sensible as a Wife, good or bad; till then, the further he flies from his Character, he becomes it the more naturally.   

CHARACT: XI. A rank observer  
IS his own Comedy, and his own Audience: For whatsoever he frames by experience, he applauds by custom: But being out of his element, he is an Eel in a sand bag; for he, wanting the humour of his wrested observance, falls away into ignorant silence. He is arrogant in his knowledge so far, as he (thinks) to study men, will excuse him from the labour of reading, and yet furnish him with absolute rarities, fit for all fashions, all discourses. He is a very promis cuous fellow; and from thence proceeds the vice which makes him without difference, comprehend ponderous & trivial passages under the same degree of value or estimation. For whatsoever becomes his politic vent, becomes his understanding. When he doth therefore fill up the vessel of his conceits, he hath regard to such things as may be uttered with most advantage, either of money among the Players, or reput●…tion among the general Gallants of our City. He takes account of all hu mours, and through the practice of a contempt to all, he partakes in all: for he uses what he derides under the privilege of scorn, and so makes it familiar. So the largest benefit which others reap, by contemning the vice in himself, arises beyond his purpose or intention: for he extends to others no further than agrees with his own greedy constitution; meaning to credit or enrich himself, not amend others: by which means all his goodness is accidental. He doth (notwithstanding) in some points resemble virtue; but in the worst manner. For being impartial, he plays the tyrant; and sells the vices of his dearest friends to discovery, by plays or pamphlets, but is content that they should still reserve them to their future infamy: So he becomes sooner excluded oftentimes from society, than his flattering shifts can readily repair. Flattery and insinuation be indeed the number of his thriving moral virtues, through which (under a pretence of fair meaning) he takes occasion to betray the marrow of man's variety: and this affords fuel for his bitter derision. His Table-books be a chief adjunct, and the most significant Emblem of his own quality, that man may bear about him: for the wiping out of old notes give way to new: and he likewise, to try a new disposition, will finally forsake an ancient friends love: because he consists of new enterprises. He makes the best he can of witty turnings; and therefore he spares conceits worth naming in company, to make a further benefit. If you desire to know a man of this profession; you must a while observe him, and he will presently show himself after two meetings: for he will then talk (as it were) by a chatechisme of discourse: keeping a certain form of language as if he durst not go beyond the circle. His capacity is appehensive in a strange measure: if he were less capable, he might be more commended. For he i●…croches often upon admittance (where things be well delivered) to multiply his observation & he will verify things, through a scandalous 〈◊〉, as if they were now committed. If he converts to a deserving quality, he will propound the credit of a good meaning no stipend for his vain discoveries. Till then, he must endure to be suspected, or odious, whilst he whispers closely among free companions: Neither must he hope to amend this Age or himself; because he never intended the first, and the last he forgets (though he intended it) through vainglory as being transported with this pride only, that he hath observed, and can observe again. Briefly he resembles a foolish patient, who takes a costive pill to loosen his body: for whilst he means to purge himself by observing other humours, he practices them by a shadow of mockage, and so becomes a more fast corruption: if he doth not therefore feel the disease, he dies Hid●… bound.   

CHARACT. XII. A simple politician  
IS a purblind Fox, that pretends machiavell should be his sire: but he proves a apparel: he was taken from School before he had learned true Latin; and therefore in trivial things only, he partakes with craftiness; because he lacks true breeding, and true bringing up. He labours commonly for opinion where he is so well known that opinion would persecute him, without labour: he thinks religion deceives most unsuspected and therefore he first seems to be a zealous Christian. The Church is a principal part of his devotion; and to be a frequent Auditor, or outwardly attentive is a sure defence (he thinks) a 'gainst Capital error. He is openly kindhearted; cries God forbid. Amen, Christ be his comfort. But rather than he will seem aPuritune, with indifferent companions, he can break an obscene jest, be wanton, sociable or any thing till he converse with a Presitian by whom he hopes to save: them his eyes roll upward, his hands are elevated, commiserating terms be multiplid, with sighs innumerable: then he rails against the wicked, whom a little before he heartily saluted. And after some paraphrase upon the verse of such an Evangelist, Apostle, or Prophet, he dismisses the Puritan, that he may laugh heartily. He is therefore much like a bookesellers shop on Bartholomew day at London; the stalls of which are so adorned with bibles and prayerbooks, that almost nothing is left within, but heathen knowledge. His mind and memory put on the same vizard of greatness, which makes him so much incline to the posture of weighty labours, that he gives no attention to things openly recited, though they actually possess him. To be employed therefore for a Nobleman, is (to him) an infinite trouble, and begets employment with all acquaintance to discover it: so the bare means to make men think he is much entertained, costs a time equal to his occurrents. Being to be visited (though by sure Clients) he hath the room of attendance, the Art of delay, and a visage that seems pitifully interrupted. If he rides to dispatch, the horses be early saddled and brought into the foreside, that neighbours may observe, when after five or six hours expectation, he comes like one that was detained by urgent importunacies. if the company be pleased to laugh at his inhaerent folly; he doth by and by assure you; give me a sudden jest or nothing; some use your printed jest, I cannot endure it. His best materials to work upon, be Time, and Place; which if they afford circumstance to let yond understand his new purchase, his new buildings, the great marriage of his Children, or entertainment of high personages, or bounty towards an Hospital, it comes freely and fitly, if openly. When occasions trouble him a little, he loves to trouble himself extremely; and thinks it a point of reaching policy, to reprove or amend that formally, which hath been allowed by singular good judgements. If he dares (with privilege of the hearers ignorance) disparaged worth in any, he takes leave of the occasion, and his own policy. This he takes in honour of his courtship to show he can be ambitious; and build on others ruins: But this proclaims him a starved Cannib●…ll; who, through the famine of desert, supplies worthiness with his own excrement of detraction. His desire and audacity are at open strife; when he would hut dares not commend himself, by correcting another's faculty: then with a strained laughter, and a willing palsy in his head, he seems to 〈◊〉 somewhat is unsettled; or he makes his elbow signify. that something wants his finger. His compliments are at liberty his friendship lies locked up in prison; the key whereof he hath lost willingly. For if you call him friend before he hath wrested the advantage of an enemy, he leaves you destitute, but more happy than you believe. If he can seem to forget your countenance, he intends that you must think him devoted to things above you, or that his brain labours: and upon this ground he walks when he neglects your salutations, or takes no notice of your person. Briefly, he is a man of this days profit; he respects nothing without double interest, and that by compulsion. He is a weak foe, a weaker friend, or the general shadow of a wiser man.   

CHARACT XIII. A Spendthrift  
IS a man eu●…r needy, never satisfied, but ready to borrow more than he may be trusted with: The question of him will be, whether his learning (if he hath any) doth out balance his brain, & so becomes a burden; or whether both be crept into his outward senses: Certainly his Intellectuals of wit, and wisdom, may be manifest, but are (like the seven Stars) seldom seen together; they mutually succeed as having vowed to govern by course: Whilst wit reigns, excess, and riot hath the upper hand: But when he recollects himself, he is wholly metamorphosed; wit gives place, and his extreme of wisdom, disclaims the smile of a merry countenance. His only joy is to domineer, be often saluted, & have many Creditors: his Lordship's lie among the Drawers, Tobacco-men, Brokers, and Panders: But adversity makes him leave company, & fal●… to housekeeping, and then his servants be vanished into Sergeants. I dare protest Doctor Anthony will not make Aurum potabile like a Spendthrift: The truth is, a spendthrift can dissolve a monarchy of gold if he had it. His only flatterers be Conceit & Fancy, which charge Memory the Steward, to bring no Accounts in till they be cashiered; which cannot be whilst Imitation is his Captain, or Credit his Corporal. He woos creditors, as Gentlemen a fair Sempstress: he will promise much and mean nothing: for he distributes his words as commonly do Printers. He dreams of being Lord chief justice, or at least being eminent, though he lives dissolutely; and hath no Saint but Fortune. He is, and ever will be a quarter behind with frugality; in which volume he cannot be perfect, because the book is imperfect: for he still rends out the beginning of his lesson; being not able to begin a thrifty course. His Heaven upon Earth is a fair Mistress; and though his means be large, yet his principal sorrow is the lack of maintenance. He is scarce any part of a Christian till he goes to Prison: and then perhaps he enters into Religion: If he doth not, I am sure he is dead in law and turns Cloister-man. The misery of his sense is an old man, and his father's life troubles him not a little: Almanacs therefore which foretell the death of Age, be very acceptable. The hurly burly of his brain is infinite, & he scarcely knomes what he may freely make an election of. He is most truly like a broken lace, or seam-rent cloak; ready to be taken hold of, as he walks along, by every ctooked nail & tenter-hook. His worst bawd is too good a nature, which makes him incident to false applauses, and carve his soul out among his familiars: he hath multitudes of dear acquaintance, but his dearest friends are ready to stab him: For either those whom he accounts so, be men of fashion; or those who be indeed so, desire his death, because they see no amendment. He is in great request, & much inquired; being like a dangerous book still about to be called in: For he is no sooner out of one prison but he is called into another. He scorns to acknowledge his debts, but as things of duty, with which mechanickes are (as he thinks) bound to uphold high birth and Gentry: but the end proves otherwise. His downfall therefore is not admired, because he was ever falling; and his bare excuse, makes experience the shadow. Briefly, he may seem a treacherous friend; for he deals dishonestly with all that challenge interest in him; they be his Creditors: And yet he deals more lovingly with them, then with himself; for when he pays them, he punisheth himself: If he cannot pay, he is punished more than they; and punished enough, because he cannot pay: For than he consumes.   

CHARACT: XIIII. A Ubiquitary  
IS a journeyman of all Trades, but no saver because no ●…etter-vp: He would be an Epitome of Arts, & all things, but is indeed nothing less than himself: If an itchy Tailor gave him not his making, he had (I think) perpetually been unmade: For if he scrat●…h his head, the body calls him; if the body, than his elbow; if his elbow, than again the body; if the body, than the head itches: So never quiet, never constant, still doing, still about to do the same, remains my doer doing nothing. The worst of dogdays was his birthday when fleas abonnded, which (from his cradle) have so bitten him, as till his death he must be tickled. The worm of giddiness hath crept into his private purposes: every hour, almost, gives him a new Being, or, at least, the purpose to be an other thing than he is. So that I might almost say of him as 
* Locus enrin est ens, quia est aliquid alicui●…s.; est autem non ens, q●…ia ens contin●…tur ibi. Exerc▪ 5. 3. Scalig:  Scaliger saith of Locus; that he is Quodammodo ens, quodammodo non ens. If a Country life invites him he yields: the Court requests him, he yields likewise: But than disgrace averts him to his study; a Library is gotten: by this time love hath struck him, & he adores the Saint: But then some play declames against this love; he quickly is persuaded, & follows Poetry. Thus my vagabond of vanity is from post to pillar transported, because he travels without a perfect licē●…e. You shall soon discern him by his arguments and reasons; They (for the principals) flow from one fountain of ignotance: for all his proof depends upon I think so, Every man saith so All dislike it: His very conversation is infectious, but never frustrate: for eyrher you must follow him, and that way you must look to be a loser: or he will follow you, & then resolve that your intention thrives but badly. No object, no society, season, thought, or language, comes amiss, or unexpected: his policy therefore seeks to be rather frequent then effectual; to run about the world daily, then travel seriously; to see a multitude, before society; and guess at much, rather than know a little. In his discourse he dances All Trades, and flies from field to thicket, as being hunted by an Ignis fatuus. Talk of Academies and he tells you Court-news: search into the estate of a question, and he tells you what new book is extant. If you discourse he still desires the conclusion; and is attentive rather to the sequel, then careful to understand the premises. In his behaviour he would seem French, Italian, Spanish, or any thing, so he may seem un-vulgar; accounting it barbarous not to contemn his own nation, or the common good, because he loves to be more valued by seeming singularly precious: His diverse habit only discovers him to be true English: and to be weary of the place, colours his employment: To live (with him) is all vanity; and that life alone his dearest happiness: his death therefore may be somewhat doubtful, because with it he hath no Being.   

CHARACTER. X. A Gamester  
IS Fortune's Vassal, temptations anvil, or an 
* Lidi primi omniun in venerunt ludos t●…sseras & sub Atty rege 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 primo qui 〈◊〉 est eo nomine: 〈◊〉 fa men decipiehant high popul●… in vicem Ludend●… & edendo, 〈◊〉. 〈◊〉. 2. 〈◊〉.  outlandish text, which may be soon transtated into cheaters English: He affects gaming from a schoolboy; and superstitiously fore-thinks how his mind gives him. The elements of fire, earth, and air, be with him alike predominant; he is inflamed with rage, melancholy with thoughts, jovial with fortune: but he never weeps in sorrow or repentance: When he loses little, you must know he loses much, for he loves that any man should conjecture he is able: But though his luck be infinite to win abundance, yet can he seldom have the luck to purchase. If he quarrels, you may protest he loses, and he must scramble or be b●…aton ere he can be quiet: if he make peace you must meet him in the winning way; and than you might more safely swagger with him: he loves his own advantage well enough to be a Lawyer, but would make a most preposterous judge. The seven deadly sins sleep in his pocket; and he never draws money but the noise awakes them. Pride, Lechery, sloth, and Gluttony, be his Sabbath sins, which (out of gettings) he employs on Festivals, and Sundays. blasphemy and murder play the Drawers with him, and bring the fearful reckoning of his losses; and in steed of Usury, Theft plays the Scrivener to furnish him with money: He can both fast, and watch, and yet is far enough from being a true penitent: for curses following, do discover why the rest was intended. Let him be sunne-burnt and ill-favoured, yet he hath this privilege, that if he scorns quarreling and false Dice, he shall be thought a fair gamester. Fortune makes him her most silly Statesman: she holds him by the chin a while, but ere he can recover what he only wishes, he sinks incontinent, and worthily, for loss and gain alike encourage him, but never satisfy. Neither cares he to be thought an insatiable fellow: for when he hath in any man's opinion, filled his belly, his bones, are most busy. If he plays upon Ticket, he knows you are but a simple fellow not able to exact, though he resolves to pay nothing; so he did never purchase, if not this way, except he borrows; and that extends far enough to make him thy debtor at his own pleasure. If he be perished, his restoration is too feminine, though not degenerate; for seeing he was ruined under the Goddess Fortune, he may well claim the portion of a rich widow. If neither she, nor any shee-creature else be gracious, let him unpitied prove a Cheater, for he thrust himself to exile, & went to willing bondage.   

CHARACT: XVI. A Novice  
IS one still ready to ask the way, yet far from finding it, though you do direct him: He is indeed a simple thing of one and twenty, that dares safely be a pupil to any Tutor. Or take him naturally for a familiar kind of Spaniel, that may be readily taken up, and stolen away from himself, or his best resolutions. He is ever haunted with a blushing weakness, and is as willing to embrace any, as not to be distasteful unto any: he trusts any man's opinion before his own, and will commit his life to him that can insinuate: you get acquaintance with him by a bare salutation; drink to him with a new complement, and you have purchased his entire love, till he be cheated. The name of Countryman, or civil carriage, unlocks his Cabinet of intentions, till you extract the very quintessence. Good Fortunes tickle him without measure; and he finds no reason to moderate his joy, till he shows the way for others to disappoint him; and being disappointed he is quiet. He cannot choose but be exceeding credulous, for he confutes nothing further than his eyesight, or common sense extends. Draw him to the paradise of taking all in good part; or teach him to apprehend the worst things well, by screwing in a mere conceit of your generosity, & he will thrust the wardship of his credit, Lands, or Body, to your patronage; So you may take relief, and tender Marriage though his father held not in Knight's service. If you misdoubt he should perceive you, or if you think it difficult to deceive him; compare his Title with his Index, or both together with his stuff contained, and you may soon discern him: For either unexpectedly he doth betray himself, or false fire will discharge him: with much a do, desiring to get a Mistress, he proves some whore's Idolater; and he feels naturally for the harvest of his chin before seed time. Being a little bolstered up with sweet heresies of subtle language, and Musical Taverns, he suddenly begins (except some charitable hand reclaims him) to mistake Tobacco for a precious herb: and oftentimes I think it cures his raw humour, by operation of the price, without the Physic. You may easily also drive him to mistake brown paper for Littleton's Tenors; canvas, and Red Herrings, for his Father's hopp bags and Lent provision. I need not say he will be valorous; for Parasites & Gony-catchers know, he oftentimes can see he hath been cheated, & yet his modesty will not suffer him to enforce satisfaction. He is the common stock of Roaring▪ boy's and Sharks, to remedy their wants: A bog protestarion makes him ye old to any man of outside that will borrow, as soon as ten theives with swords and pistols: So that he is good for nothing but to blunten a Cheater's policy; because he is catched with so little pains taking. A Spider's thread will catch him: an easy charm will strip him naked. He will much wonder at a trivial event, and thinks it Witchcraft to foresee disadvantage. As for the world, Religion, or natural causes, he can inquire of them, but difficultly believe reason: In the shutting up therefore of his folly he doth confess the Character, & leaves it to succession.   

CHARACT. XVII. An Epicure  
IS the picture of Somebody, or a man of two senses: the Eye & the Palate: for his smelling property is stuffed with the vapours of a full stomach; his hands are the instruments of his mouth, no senses; and the belly hath no ●…ares, but a truss to support it: He is his own Tailor, & thinks directly that more expenses belong to the linings, then to the outside. He will grow friends with any man, that serves his stomach: If he reads the fable in Aesop how the members conspired against the belly; he grows empty with conceit of it; and in revenge (I think) makes the belly conspire against the members. He cannot stir in business without a Coach, or a Litter; and then he is suddenly interrupted, if the clock strikes Eleven. He is (whatsoever some think) a good Physician for his own body; for he still riseth from the Table with an appetite; and is soon ready for another meal of dainties. If he be a Lawyer, the best meats will soon corrupt his carcase, and his conscience: for he feeds immoderately, and will do much for a brace of Pheasants. If he be a Divine, he preaches all Charity, and discommends Gentlemen extremely, because they leave housekeeping. He thinks his bed the best study, and therefore speaks well in the praise of stretching meditations. He accounts Cookery a delicate science, and prefers the knowledge of confectionary receipts; to which purpose nothing passes through the throat, till he takes particular notice of the ingredients. He is troubled much to think, how he may most readily shorten his life, & not perceive the reason: Therefore he revolves continually, what may be most convenient for the taste, and hurtful for the stomach. He invites himself to much provender by accident of visitation; though he comes with a resolved policy: But he scorns blushing, like a common smell-feast; & upon true reason: For modest blood (being clarified and pure) cannot find way, through inch-deepe fat, when it is called to answer. He provokes many solemn meetings, under the title of Hospitality, when he makes himself (by these means) fitter for an Hospital. He is contented to bestow broken meat among poor folks, but no money: for he loves not to depart with that, in which himself hath been no taster. He is the noted foe of famine, and yet he is daily employed about the procreation of a dearth: for the value of nothing is beyond his ability, if he hath present money, though no more then enough to discharge the present commodity; or credit to make men trust upon executors. He hath heightened the price of out-Landish-fruits, & hath purchased the general name to our Country of Sweet-mouthed Englishmen. Marrow-pyes, Potato-rootes, Eringoes, and a cup of Sack be his chiefest Restoratives, and comfortable Physic: He makes no dinner without a second course. He is over ruled more by his teeth, than his appetite: For when they grow weary, he leaves feeding, & falls to drinking: which argues (unless I mistake) a larger capacity of Stomach than Understanding. But he doth or should tremble, to see meat stuffed with Parsely; because it represents a Coarse laid out for burial. He keeps a high point of stateliness in carriage; for he delights rather in a subtle ●…latterer, or secretary, that gives good elbow attendance, then to hear himself discourse, or any who neglects to feed his humour; either with commendations, or veiling reverence to his high fortunes, or with licentious fables, and derisions of his opposites. If dinner be ended, and you desire to converse with him, you must tarry till he be awake: for his vast chair, a downy couch, and chiefly a fine capable seat in the Church, that may confront the Preacher, are three easy & common receptacles for his full stomach. None resembles death in sleep so fitly, yet none makes less moral. For indeed his sleeps are full of stink and rottenness▪ and so secure, that they rather prove death itself, than a remembrance. It is 
* Atheneus lib. 1. cap. 1.  reported how Cambletes the gluttonous King of Lydia devoured in a ●…reame his wife while she lay sleeping together in the same bed; and finding her hand between his teeth when he awaked, he slew himself fearing dishonour: which story is intended (I think) an epicures moral: for in his idle dreaming life, he will devour a wives portion, & when he hath consumed all to fragments he wakens: and (fearing discredit) dies unto the world by living obscurely or pines away in sorrow. Briefly, being true English, he will abhor thirst, & hunger, because he scorns a 
* Lib▪ de 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, asserit quam- pri●…úm esse ●…il Panos & frigoris & tamis patientes.  Spaniard, and his properties.   

CHARACT: XVIII. A Churl  
IS the superflaity of solemn behaviour: And was intended for an allay to fifty light jovial constitutions; but 
* Natura intendit optimum.  Nature being then otherwise employed, he was (against her will) made a monstrous lump of Humanity; through the negligence of her handmaids: good nutriment, 
Terrores & melancholica perturbatio, partum ter●…enum, reddit johan: Gassanio de g●…gant.  and education: or the malice of her enemies, Sorrows and a●…frightment. He is the unsociable son of Saturn, that looks strangely at the face of man, as if he were another thing than himself. He thinks, to be familiar is to betray himself; and that the world might plentifully be inhabited, by him only, and a couple of drudges. If you be civil, he saith you are fantastic; and friendly language he terms slattery. His learning and advise be a company of miserable proverbs much of this making; a fool & his money is soon parted: Wise enough to keep his own: store is no sore: light gains make a heavy purse: bring not a noble to ninepences: He speaks of sparing as if he fitted himself to beg in a grate and pray passengers to spare their charitable alms: And he doth readily consent to the prisoners when they beg in that language. You may offend yourself and him, less, if you kill him right out, then if you discourse with him half an hour. No estate, no advancement, can remove his humour: for he doth not live (whilst he lives not discontented) but sleeps, or counterfeits. He thinks salutations were ordained to beguile, or betray; he loves not therefore to salute, or be saluted. He will refuse gifts, that come from reconciled foes and thinks an injury can never be forgotten. On equal terms likewise, he is heartily unwilling to receive, except (in glory) he can overvalue his deserts, by thinking he hath deserved ten times more. A selfe-respect, and a disdain of others, be his nourishing vices: So he chooses rather to lose a bargain, then to become a debtor; for he holds it more honour and policy to steal, then to be beholding. If you inquire his health, or the times news, he dares protest you are an impertinent, or a shallow companion. He may be called Barbarous by the same reason that 
* 〈◊〉 was o called of an Arabi●… word Barber; which signifies to murmur, because the people's 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a murmu●…ing to the first 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  Barbary was called Barbary: for he doth always murmur. Other men's triumph is his sorrow, other men's sorrow his triumph: for in his conscience he hath rejoiced never, if not in the misfortuns of some, or all. The least adversity makes him think upon a halter: and if you persuade him to patience, by remembering others crosses, or the necessity of trouble in this life, he will be worse madded with your council then with his affliction. His councils and instructions, makes him show, most like a Chimney set on fire; consisting of rank▪ sooty choler: which doth inflame and harden whomsoever he deals with; not warm nor mollify with comforts and persuasions: It is better to perish, then to crave his help▪ for he limits himself only to negatives. His entertainments be, a fierce dog to bid you welcome, a currish voice to confirm it, and the way is open for a farewell. The first two be apparent, the latter he intends: So doth he embrace acquaintance or neighbours; but impotent people he threatens in another kind, with Whip, stocks, & Beadle, they only be his familiars & defenders. His Dog, and he, are the only good fellows, and his dog proves the better man, by being more tractable. He will prevent you in a commodity, and give more; as also, he dares discredit any thing, or any, not with a meaning to commend his own, but to endamage others. He will be shaven all ways to the best help of a deformity: And though his actions will soon verify the character, yet he will more mis-shape nature by ill-favoured Linen, a greasy Felt, & garments made for the purpose; as if he meant to discover himself by the forehead, lest he should not be known quickly. He is unsatisfied upon the smallest wrong, and will rather take the laws assignment, though a trifle, then be content with large composition: yet none doth more grumble against the Law-professors. He listens to the death of great Personages, as a Butcher's dog to the Ox's slaughter; rejoicing to be glutted with his entrails, or vices, seeing he is not bettered by his body of worth, the best food. It ●…attens him to hear a prodigals consumption, though he partakes nothing in the Booty. If you fasten a gift upon him, his thanks be liberal (though he doth not requite) if he doth not brand you with an insinuating Title: Yet in extremity of his humour he is so far (as he thinks) from being uncharitable, as he makes the charity of Counsel, Purse, or 〈◊〉, things that would 〈◊〉 ●…ittle thank for his labour: and so he practices them under the rank of such things as do not concern him: He saith therefore, Meddle with me, when I meddle with you. So that if shame provokes his wealth to invite strangers, he hath no bountiful meaning, but a resolution to live by broken meat long after: which doth not savour well, except it be mouldy: that, and himself therefore, should be spent sooner; otherwise they grow visibly odious, but himself more odious than that.   

CHARACT. XIX. An Atheist  
IS no reasonable Man: For he will sooner embrace a superficial col●… 〈◊〉 in things of moment, the●… 〈◊〉 into direct causes: As for obvious & common accidents, he never looks upon them so much with reason as upon matters of course. In all he doth desire, he is little better than a Beast; forecasting only to make a good temporal success, & satisfy himself by his own projects: & he is therefore no reasonable man, because no religious man: For Heathens and Barbarians have from the beginning been worshippers of somewhat. There needs no better direction to know there is a God; then to know that an Atheist is God's enemy. If thou canst seem to be familiar with him, & enter into the extremities of ill fortune, or begin to speak of great men's funerals, or honest men's persecutions, he will instantly discover what he believes; being bold enough to speak plainly (if thou canst apprehended) that virtue, innocence, & crafty dealing are alike rewarded: That wicked and religious men have no difference but the Name: That wrongs may lawfully (if without danger apparent) be repelled with worse wrongs: and that therefore it argues baseness of spirit, to contemn any preferment of advantage: That expectation of other, wh●…re joy is already present, were dotage, or madness; and that honesty, which exceeds common form, is singularity. From which Arguments you may draw the conclusion. If he reserves these precepts among strangers, his practice will verify the pattern. Take this for a foundation, Every Atheist is a self-pleasing Epicure though they be not convertible. If he inclines more to Epicurism then policy; this watchword will be frequent in his cups, Hoc est vivere, hoc est vivere. But you may still observe, that he contends to wash away all care with company, discourse & laughter, as if he knew his usurious creditor (a guilty conscience) waited to expostulate with him at an advantage. One therefore of this proportion, is more liable to the Law, but less dangerous to the commonwealth. He brings most villainy that feels the disease inward; and confutes his own objections with salacious doctrine. He lives much about the fountain of Iniquity, and therefore he must propoud that those streams of custom be tolerable, or leave his profession. He hath a natural flourish for supernatural accidents. He turns Divinity into colourable inventions of Philosophy. He knows every thing under the name of a natural body: he believes Nature to be an invisible power, which intended generation for corruption, and corruption for generation. He distinguishes bodies into simple and compound, and makes creation a vulgar project obedient to the harmony of elements. Then, if he knows the meaning of Homogenea, & Hetrogenea, of corpus imperfecté mixtum, and perfecté mixtum, he remains largely satisfied. As for the causes of terrible events, he apprehends the power of Exhalations, Meteors, Comets, & the Antiperistasis: which very names are able to forbid all further inquisition. He goes not therefore beyond himself & such as him●…elfe, for an authority: and he esteems it more convenient to think there is a reason in nature, then to trouble his brain with finding another, when it exceeds his positions. He never was taken for a friend in society, neither can he bestow love, because he cannot adventure his person; life being his whole felicity. If at any time therefore he intended love, he intended likewise a Physician; & him, no furtherthen agreed with his own Hum dumb radical: which must also be understood, if himself were no Physician. He is always confident beyond reformation. He dies with hope be tween his jaws, and therefore one may think him no desperate sla●…e: but such hope deceives him, because he hopes to live longer. So that like a candle's end burning in the socket, he goes out stinking, with delay, and many faintings.   

CHARACT. XX. A Liar  
IS the falsest Dial in the Parish: whilst Memory the Sexton, who should keep language his clock in order, lies drunken in Security, the common A●…e house. Arithmetic is in him a natural vice; or at least the difficult parts of the Science: for he can both Subtract and Multiply with more ease than speak true English: He may as well be a Tradesman of any sort by his profession, as a Knight of the Post, or a man-pleaser. He should (by his qualities) be a good Gamester; for the one is just in league with a voluntary ignorance, or an enforced knowledge, as much as the other: He never offends this way, but he offends double; for he cannot with credit, or knowledge of the Art Military, think it sufficient to defend with bare affirmance, and the walls of circumvention, except his cannonothes be ready planted and discharged. He is not guilty of his own vice alone; for ●…eldome doth he avouch that, which his confederate will not justify: and therefore he provides adherents for security; but in his own single opinion he doth match Copernicus. His common misery is well known, it persecutes him with divine justice, for all his truths extraordinary, win no belief; because falsehoods are so frequent. He takes it for granted, that he can grace or disgrace any man at his pleasure: & if invention or his eloquence were able, he could not want his purpose. It were God's due justice if he should run mad; for he divides his meaning and his word; and so distracts himself. Any ad●…antage accrueing to himself provokes his faculty; though sometimes a friends love entices him to strange adventures. If neither the first nor second be opportune, he so labours only to beget wonderful narrations. He is ready enough to overvalue himself, his friends, and his commodity: accounting it a politic strain to set an excellent ●…aire gloss on all; that he may purchase the reputation of a large estate: Which seems to argue an innocent upright course, not fearing tyranny: But indeed he doth (from hence) deceive the world and die a beggar, through the foregoing of estimation.  
Let him live about great persons and his best discourses will be lye-blowne with tales of honour: but turn him to pasture a little into Spain or Italy, and he will purge himself (in England) of twenty times more than he received. He ●…els no wonder without some preparative: as namely, he admits beforehand what may be: or he begins thus: You may think it is a lie: or, it will seem strange, but I protest before God, it is very true▪ But if he be one that maintains Ordinaries & public meetings in delight of new relations; he speaks altogether upon credible report; and you shall be the third man partakes of the novelty: for he hath always talked with one, that was an eye-witness: if he were not himself the agent or beholder. Sometimes he delights to be a 
* Isti con●…●…dam 〈◊〉 glo●…ia ubi 〈◊〉 hai●… in T ●…oph●…r: lib: Eth●…: Cha●…: in●… o●…: qui memorat 〈◊〉 era●… ab 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 quae 〈◊〉 vix 〈◊〉 obu●… 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  glorious fellow; and then no letters be conveyed from Italy or France; and no disgraces or advancements be meditated in the court without his knowledge. He may at his election be admitted into the College of jesuits: but he loves not to forsake his Country, though he boasts of travails; and yet he is a mere fugi●…iue. He was originally intended for a Rhetorician; and lacks only a little instruction: For he is more conversant with Tropes the●… Fi●…; and yet the figure of repetition, is his own natural. Attention makes thee very much culpable in his reports: belief makes thee apt to err in the same kind. He is more confident (if he could be uncased) in the rare exploits of Rosac●…ere, and Delphoebo, Amadis de Gaul, or Parismus, than the most holy Text of Scripture. It is an equal difficulty to discern his truth and untruth: for he is nothing but falshhood, yet contrary to falsehood, and contrary to truth: having more conveyances than a bawdy-house, or a suspected victualler. The truth is, there is no truth in him: let him tell me, that himself lies, and I will nor believe him. If he should strive for Antiquity, no English Generation can compare with him: And yet he needs no Herald, for he derives his Pedigree immedatly from the devil.   

CHARACT: XXI. A Drunkard.  
IS in Opinion a good fellow, in practise a living conduit. His vices are like Errata in the latter end of a false copy: they point the way to virtue by setting down the contrary. He is at all points armed for a Knight errant, and called upon for adventures, every way as full of hazard. This makes him enter boldly into the Lions, or the Green Dragon's Cave; into the White Bears jaws, the Mermaids closerts, the suns Palace; nay, more, into the devils chamber of presence. And for his Travails let the, Globe witness; through every corner of which, he hath or can walk at his pleasure. Freedom he challenges, & therefore scorns to be a tedious customer, till by enforcement, he drinks upon record; otherwise he shifts his watering place; either to avoid his louse the Bailiff▪; or to renew his fountain: the last only pleads for his commendation, because he proceeds still from worse to better: which discommends him most, because it nourishes his faculty. The torment of his eyesight is a frothy Tapster, or a sluggish Drawer with a deceitful pot. The plagues of his palate be good wines, where he cannot purchase, nor be trusted: or a Tavern well furnished, that joins to the prison door: they vex him, as a feast vexes the famished, in a strong Castle: or a Lamb the starved Fox, when Mastiff●…s be awake. He never disallows religion for putting L●…nt in the Almanac: for Tobacco, a Rasher, and red Herrings, his instruments of relish, are at all times perhibited. There is some affinity betwixt him and a Chameleon: he ●…eeds upon air; for he doth care his word familiarly. He hath a cheap course of breakfasts, to avoid dinners; which at his pleasure he can spare, through morning antidotes▪ the inquisition of these he studies, and loses by the knowledge. He indifferently concludes, & begins quarrels: that quality neither much blames nor praises him. He cannot run fast enough to prove a good Footman: for Ale and beer (the heaviest element next earth) will overtake him. Opportunity he embraces, but in a bad sense: for he is rather studious to follow any man's calling then his own. His nose the most innocent, bears the corruption of his other senses folly: From it may be gathered the emblem of one falsely soandald: for it not offending, is colourably punished. It serves therefore for nothing but such an Emblem, except to prove the owners great innocence, by how much it is the greater: His eminent seeming virtues be his peculiar vices: For his casting up expenses, and his wisdom over ihe pot, be his unthriftiness and folly. Sack and strong liquors hardens him in his custom; according to the nature of a brick: as if he were ambitious to be red earth, like Adam. He proves the Philosopher's opinion of Man, better than any; for he is animal calidissimum and humidissimum the hottest and the moistest creature. He were utterly base, if unable to defend his habit: you shall therefore know him by his arguments. If he inclines to Scholarship, they be these: First, to abandon melancholy; For care, he saith, kills a Cat: then to avoid mischievous thoughts; for he that drinks well, sleeps well, and he that sleeps well thinks no har●…e: he may be thought a fit travailer in difficult journeys, for he cannot miss the way; no more than a blind man misses a picture. His teeth be strongest, because least employed: Hence you may take the emblem of one truly miserable; who abounds in profits, unprofitable to himself. A beggar, and he are both of one stock, but the beggar claims antiquity: the beggar begs that he may drink, and hath his meaning: the other drinks that he may beg, and shall have the true meaning shortly. In the degree of beggars it is thought he will turn Dummerer, he practices already, and is for that purpose many times taken speechless. If he goes out in the morning a libertine 
Libertinus est manumistus servus. ●…x Donati comment: Ter●…nti:  or a man lately manumised from liquor, he returns at night a prisoner, if he doth return: for he cannot return safely without his keeper: otherwise, he conuer●…s suddenly from flesh to fish, and dives into the mud, or swims in his own water. These together may prove fasting-days to be his natural season. Whilst he is waking, he purges all secrets; lest I therefore by keeping him awake longer, should err in the same kind, I have now cast him into a dead sleep.   

CHARACT: XXII. A begging Scholar  
IS an Artificial vagabond: He took his first degree (as may be imagined) in the University: But he never thinks himself a full Graduate; till by Cosmographical science, he surveys the degrees of Longitude, and Latitude, belonging to most of our famous Cities in England: So he becomes Practitioner in the Mathematics, though he pretends Divinity by order of Commencement, which might be a safe licence among divers; if the Statute vouchsafed not to take notice of his roguery. He hath from the first hour of his Matriculation inherited the name of Shark, by way of a general dependence in the College: But being perhaps expulsed, or departing in a hungry humour, he travels with a prompt memory, in stead of other knowledge; and above all things he is wise enough for himself, to remember his wants. He never looked into Divinity beyond the meaning of two Sermons; and upon those he hath insisted so often, that he feels no need of another Library. He still pretends (like some single Physician) the cure of one disease, that is, the cold of Charity, and therefore (his charitable advise being ended) a bill of receipt follows for the ingredients: But the disease may be thought to grow more desperate through the mistaken cure; because the medicine is applied unfitly. His help extends far and near to fugitive Raga-muffins, under the sign of impotent Soldiers, or wandering Abraham-men: but his help proves the maintenance of their function, because it proves his own, by occasion: For being received as a Secretary to the counsel of vagrants, he conceals much idle property, in advantage of himself and Countrymen, not of the Commonwealth. If you would privately know him; you must know likewise, the journey to his friends hath been tediously undertaken; & whilst he brings his money in question, you must know he begs for an answer, and so betrays the doubt of sufficiency: Howsoever (in public) he insinuates a deprivation; by being too sufficient. Being admitted (for Hospitality sake) to receive lodging; he hath a slight of hand, or cleanly conveyance, which threaten silver spoons; and leaves a desperate sorrow among all the household Servants, because he departed so soon. In the space of a natural day he seldom travails further than to the next Ale house; that so by degrees he may approach to a great Market upon the Sabaoth. He pays for what he takes continually, one way or other: For being no customer, he cannot be trusted, except in case of necessity; and then he pays them experience to beware of such as he another time. He hath Learning to propound the Apostles precedent for travails, but conscience little enough to look any further. If his family be not portable, it comes in the rearward, & awaits his return to the Rendezvous: if otherwise he be attended with neither wife, nor maidservant; he makes use of both, as he finds himself able: He is sometime inducted by a simple Patron, to some more simple Vicarage; But his Tithes and Credit concluding in Harvest, he takes his flight with the Swallow: He cannot therefore thrive among the promoted begging Scholars, because he hath no continuance.    

The second Book of Characters.  

CHARACTER. I. A jailor  
IS the beggar's body-louse, which lives upon the blood and carcase of them which can worst spare any: He proceeds commonly from such a one, as could not govern himself, to govern others imperiously: He cannot think of a place, more suitable with the safe practice of his villainy: No, not among the Roarers, or the company of quacksalvers. A thief, and a Murderer, be the names which make him iron mad, whiles himself proves the more exquisite offender: And if formerly he hath been infamous among all, it proves felicity with him now to insult over some, and grows the more implacable. At his first induction, he begins (like all new Officers) to reform Methodically: He may very well seem a bountiful Host, for he detains his customers whether they will or not but his bounty retireth, when he looseth advantage. He is a true Alchemist: no dreamer in that science: no, not the best proficient hath thrived better in his projections: He doth indeed more wisely (by virtue of his stonewalls, without the Philosopher's stone) convert rusty lron into perfect silver: He makes men believe, that the poor captives shall work in daily labour to get a living: whiles his conjecture is verified in their nightly labour, by working through the enclosure; or being idle they get livings too many. And by this means he makes a difference betwixt picking & stealing: for whomsoever he withholds from stealing he suffers to use picking freely. If he perceives an open object of increase, he will himself work the means of disorder by plentiful liquor, that so a large fine may redeem the quarrel: To which purpose he doth sophisticate his fuming Beer, to breed a skirmish the sooner: and then the dungeon is a dreadful word, until a competent bribe pacify his humour. He looks as earnestly and as often upon the palms of hands as if he could tell men's Fortunes: and the truth is he can give a shrewd conjecture by that speculation. Nothing makes him so merry as a harsh Mittimu●…, and a potent captive: they come like an inscription with a fat goose against new-year-tide: but bail sounds a sorrowful retreat: as if the inferior Thief should lose a booty by composition: and yet he will take his wives suretyship for the more extent of liberty, because he knows her perfect in the secrets of that Alchemy. cruelties are derived from himself into his whole family. He is a circumspect companion, and still dreams of an escape: and of a breaking forth he may well dream, having so many putrefied sores in one body: but seldom do any escape in his debt, though at their breaking out, they be a week behind: for above one week he never trusts; and not so long, unless the former advantage will recompense a fortnight's arrearages. He hath as great a gift in changing men's dispositions as poverty and courtship: for he can make them beg that otherwise are ashamed to beg. Briefly, he is in a manner, the devils huntsman, who keeps those Beagles either for castigation, because they were not cunning enough, else for amendment of the Chase. For if he sends them forth, they prove Graduates, when they escape the Gallows. As for himself, you may either meet him in the midst of Carouses among his Customers, or riding post in melancholy, to re-imparke his wild runagates.   

CHARACT. II. An Informer  
IS a protected Cheater, or a Knave in authoritic, licensed by authority: he sprang from the corruption of other men's dishonesty; and meets none so intricately vicious, but he can match the pattern: which makes him free of all Trades by the statu●…e: for this gives him a freedom to seruey all besides himself. He is a fellow as much beholding to his five senses, as to his intellectuals: he can diversly employ all his senses about diverse objects; but commonly they are all occupied about one or two chiefly: the winding up of a ●…acke is better than music to his eats in Lent: the steam of a roasted joint attracts his nostrils unsatiably: the sight of a shoulder of mutton than feeds his stomach; but the taste and feeling of it, provokes him to a dreadful insultation. He is worse than an Otterhound for a dive-dopping Ale-house-keeper: and hunts him out unreasonably from his Element of Liquor; and yet he may seem reasonable honest, for he hearkens readily to a composition. But whilst he consents to save men harmless (upon terms indifferent) he makes open way for another of his coat to encroach upon the like premises. So that he seems to be the darling of some Welsh pedigree: for he conspires with his own profession, and makes a triumph of the least advantage, in the very same manner. Let him be a tytle-sifter & he will examine lands as if they had committed high treason: But then he will be daunted though he wears a double nightcap in reading the due fortune of his predecessors Empson and Dudley; except his judgement serves him to mistake the Chronicle. The lesser Fox works upon simple creatures; and the base informer upon poor men's fortunes. He promiseth restoration to a forbidden Alehouse with an Exchequer licence to vex the lustices: whilst he takes forty shillings, three pound, or upward for a single subpoena, to defend the Liquor-man, who incurs new charges by trusting in the apparent cozenage. He takes away the relation betwixt a lawyer and his Client; and makes it generally extend to the Clerks in Offices; under whose safeguard he hath his Licence sealed to travail: a foot-post & he differ in the discharge of their packet, and the payment: for the Informer is content to tarry the next Term (perhaps) till a judgement. His profession affords practisers both great and small; both bucke-hounds and harriers: the essence of both is inquisition. But the first is a more thriving and ancient stock of hatred: for he is a kind of Antiquary: the last is seldom meddling with men much above him: howsoever, sometimes he is casually the scourge of an ignorant justice.   

CHARACT: III. A base Mercenary Poet  
IS the most faithful obsequious servant of him that gives most: He subscribes his definition to all Dedicatory Epistles. If mother-wit raised him to be a writer, he shows himself a dutiful child and begs Poems in defence of Nature: neither can he choose but betray himself to be a cosset, by his odd frisking matter, and his Apish Titles: which may persuade any reasonable man, that he studies more to make faces, than a decent carriage. If he have learned Lilies Grammar, and a piece of Ovid's Metamorphosis, he thinks it time to ask his Patron's blessing with some work that savours very much of the author's meaning, and two or three Latin sentences. If he hath seen the University, and forsaken it again, because he felt no deserts which might challenge a Benefactor: Then he calls every man (besides his Patron) a despiser of Learning, and he is wonderful angry with the world; but a brace of angels will pacify his humour. If he be an expulsed Graduate, he hath been conversant so long with rules of Art, that he can express nothing without the Art of begging, or public sale: But commonly he is some swimming-headed Clark, who after he hath spent much time in idle Sonnets, is driven to seek the tune of Silver, to make up the consort. Necessity and covetous hire, bribe his invention, but cannot corrupt his conscience: For though he undertakes more than he is able, yet he concludes within expectation of others that know him, and so he deceives himself only. Gold and Silver only do not make him a hireling; but envy, malice, and the means to be made famous: among which means, the chief be Libels, scandala magnatum, petty treasons, and imprisonments. He will never for feite his day to necessity, if he writes by obligation; which happens divers times when he is the Scrivener and the Debtor: For the tide of one Pamphlet being vented at his elbows, with leaning upon Taverne-tables; he ties himself to certain limits; within which precincts he borrows much, translates much, coins much, converting all to his project: and if matter fails, he flies upon the Lawyer, or disgraces an enemy. He may dissemble with the world for he dissembles with himself: striving to conceive well of errors, though his conscience tells him they be gross errors: And when he hears his play hissed, he would rather think bottle-Ale is opening (though in the midst of winter) then think his ignorance deserves it. His Apologies discover his shifting cou●…enage: for he attributes the vices of his quill to the Age's infirmity; which endures nothing but amorous delights, close bawdry, or mirthful jests: As if the ignorance of any Age could hinder a wise man's propositions. He makes Poems that consist only of verse and rhyme in stead of excellent composures, with the same confidence that ignorant Painters make a broad face and a flatcap to signify King Harry the eight: confoun●…ing (like a bad Logician) the ●…orme and the dimention. He is a fraded fellow, though he seems a Scholar: but is never free of the Company, or accepted, till he hath drunk out his Apprentisehood among the grand Masters: and then with an univocal consent, he may commend his Wares, turn them into the fashion, dress over his old Pamphlets, and not be any way disgraced among them. If his own guilty judgement cannot approve his own Poems: He thinks his fortune good enough to make his Reader approve, or dispense with follies: and upon that hope he dares often publish, and is as often laughed at: but he hath wit enough to serve the whole City, if he makes the Lord majors pageants. He presumes much upon absolute good meanings, though the Text be palpable: and yet where he commends himself best, he is not refractory, for he still promises amendment, or some more voluminous work, to gratify his benefactors; but he could never live long enough to finish his miracles. Many have been accounted traitors who have conspired less against the King than he: for he lays plots in wrighting to make the King lose his time, if he vouchsafe to see them Acted. But he is much indebted to the favour of Ladies, or at least seems to have been graciously rewarded. If he affects this humour, he extols their singular judgement before he meddles with his matter in question: and so sells himself to the worlds opinion. If his hands be no more active than his head, he is guilty of many a good Scribes idleness, by making that legible, which (before Transcription) might have been tolerable folly. If you be therefore an honest, or generous patron, suffer him not to be printed.   

CHARACT. FOUR A common Player  
IS a slow Payer, seldom a Purchaser, never a Puritan. The Statute hath done wisely to acknowledge him a Rogue 
* E●…ratum in the last 〈◊〉  errant, for his chief essence is, 
* King Agesilaus teaches the resp●…ct due to comm●…n players in h●…s and were 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 cor: & thinking himself not graced enough by the kings no 'tice, as the King passed along, doth saw●…ily interrupt him thus; doth not your ace know me? 〈◊〉 said the King, thou art Ca 〈◊〉 the Pl●…yer.  A daily Counterseit: He hath been familiar so long with outsides, that he professes himself, (being unknown) to be an apparent Gentleman. But his thin Felt, and his silk Stockings, or his foul Linen, and fair Doublet, do (in him) bodily reveal the Broker: So being not suitable, he proves a Motley: his mind observing the same fashion of his body: both consist of parcels and remnants: but his mind hath commonly the newer fashion, and the newer stuff: he would not else hearken so passionately after new Tunes, new Tricks, new Devises: These together apparel his brain and understanding, whilst he takes the materials upon trust, and is himself the Tailor to take measure of his soul's liking. He doth coniccture somewhat strongly, but dares not commend a plays goodness, till he hath either spoken, or heard the Epilogue: neither dares he entitle good things Good, vnless●… he be 〈◊〉 on by the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…hen he sait●… 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 cant or persist 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 he pretends to have a royal Master or Mistress, his wages and dependence prove him to be the 
* juxta Plautinum illud 〈◊〉: quin 〈◊〉 conductior sum quam tragaedi aut comici.  servant of the people. When he doth hold conference upon the stage; and should look directly in his fellows face; he turns about his voice into the assembly for applause-sake, like a Trumpeter in the fields, that shifts places to get an echo. The cautions of his judging humour (if he dares undertake it) be a certain number of saucy rude jests against the common lawyer; handsome conceits against the fine Courtiers; delicate quirks against the rich Cuckolda Citizen; shadowed glance for good innocent Ladies & Gentlewomen; with a nipping scoff for some honest justice, who hath imprisoned him: or some thrifty Tradesman, who hath allowed him no credit: always remembered, his object is, A new play, or A play newly revived. Other Poems he admits, as goodfellows take Tobacco, or ignorant Burgesses give a voice, for company sake; as things that neither maintain, no●… be against him. To be a player, is to have a mithridate against the pestilence: for players cannot tarry where the plague reigns; and therefore they be seldom infected. He can seem no less than one in honour, or at least one mounted; for unto miseries which persecute such, he is most incident. Hence it proceeds, that in the prosperous fortune of a play frequented, he proves immoderate, and falls into a Drunkard's paradise, till it be last no longer. Otherwise when adversities come, they come together: For Lent and Shrove-tuesday be not far asunder, than he is dejected daily and weekly: his blessings be neither lame nor monstrous; they go upon four legs, but move slowly, and make as great a distance between their steps, as between the four Terms. Reproof is ill bestowed upon him; it cannot alter his conditions: he hath been so accustomed to the scorn and laughter of his audience, that he cannot be ashamed of himself: for he dares laugh in the midst of a serious conference, without blushing. If he marries, he mistakes the Woman for the Boy in Woman's attire, by not respecting a difference in the mischief: But so long as he lives unmarried, he mistakes the Boy, or a Whore for the Woman; by courtin●… the first on the stage, or visiting the second at her devotions. When he is most commendable, you must confess there is no truth in him: for his best action is but an imitation of truth, and nullum simile est idem. It may be imagined I abuse his carriage, and he perhaps may suddenly be thought faire-conditioned: for he plays above board. Take him at the best, he is but a shifting companion; for he lives effectually by putting on, and putting off. If his profession were single, he would think himself a simple fellow, as he doth all professions besides his own: His own therefore is compounded of all Natures, all humours, all professions. He is politic also to perceive the commonwealth doubts of his licence, and therefore in spite of Parliaments or Statute 〈◊〉 he incorporates himself 〈◊〉 the title of a brotherhood. Painting & fine clothes may not by the same reason be called abusive, that players may not be called rogues: 
* I would have the 〈◊〉 Pedant go study ●…ogicke.  For they be chief ornaments of his majesties Reuell●…. I need not multiply his character; for boys and every one, will no sooner see men of this Faculty walk along, but they will (unasked) inform you what he is by the vulgar title. Yet in the general number of them, many may deserve a wise man's commendation: and therefore did I prefix an Epithet of common, to distinguish the base and artless appendents of our city companies, which often times start away into rustical wanderers and then (like Proteus) start back again into the City number.   

CHARACT: V. A Warrener  
IS an earthly minded man: He plucks his living from the earth's bowels: and therefore is his mind most conversant about that element: He lives in a little Arsenal or watchtower, being well provided with Engines & Artillery: with which (like another tyrant) he doth encounter the enemies of his Inhabitants; that he may engross them all the more entirely: And yet in some respects he is a good Governor, for he delights more in the death of one enemy, than six subjects: The reason is apparent: for one foe is able to destroy twenty of his Vassals; and so his gains be prevented: Therefore a Polecat and he, are at continual variance: yet he is charitable and merciful, for if the Polecat turns Ferret & obeys him, none agree better: He doth Waive much spoil by his midnight watches, and yet he owes no Lord▪ ship: The truth is, tumblers, nets, and other traffic do escheat to him, although the owner be living. He verifies the proverb of plenty: the more he hath, the more he would have: for though his own ground be full of breeders, yet he cannot forbear to have his hand in private Warrens. He is much, and most perplexed, because pales and hedges will not keep his cattle in compass: if he cannot therefore compound with the neighbours adjacent, he hath a trick to affright those that transgress their limits, by scattering murdered captives (as Polecats, and Weasels) in their places of refuge: And this is a deep quillet in the profession: Besides this he hath little knowledge of moment, except the science of making Traps: or circumvention of innocent dogs to feed vermin. The chief petition of his prayer, is for black frosts, Sunshine weather, & calm midnights: under protection of the last, he walks fearless, with a pike staff, to exercise the liberty of that season among other men's backsides: Where he hath many night-spells, to the hazard of much Pullen, and indeed all things thieve able; if he doth not play the valiant Footman, and take tribute of passengers: Neither is he worthy to be such a dealer with nets and Coney chatching if he could not entrap the King's subjects: I make no question therefore that he is worthy of his profession: howsoever sometimes he is catched in a pitfall of liquor by his companions: whilst they perhaps being Poulterers, prove tyrannical substitutes, and rob his possessions: but in revenge, he doth often encroach upon the Paul terers likewise with a drunken bargain.   

CHARACT. VI A Huntsman  
IS the lieutenant of dogs, and foe to Harvest: He is proudly willing to govern; and because he finds himself unsufficient to deal with men wisely, he commands dogs; which fawn upon the Master and snarl at strangers. He is froli●…ke in a fair morning fit for his pleasure; and alike rejoiceth with the Virginians, to see the rising Sun: He doth worship it, as they; but worships his Game more than they: And in some things almost as barbarous. A sluggard he contemns, and thinks the resting time might be shortened; which makes him rise with day, observe the same pace, & prove full as happy; if the day be happy. The names of Fox, Hare, and Buck, be all tracting syllables; sufficient to furnish fifteen meals with long discourse in the adventures of each. Fox draws in his exploits done against cubs, Bitch▪ foxes, Otters, and Badgers: Hare, brings out his encounters, platforms engines, fortifications, & nightwork done against Leveret, Cony, wild-cat: Rabbit, Weasel, and Polecat: Then Buck, the Captain of all, provokes him (not without strong Passion) to remember Hart, Hind, Stag, Roe, Pricket, Fa●…ne, and Fallow Deer. He uses a dogged form of government, which might be (without shame) kept in Humantie; and yet he is unwilling to be governed with the same reason: either by being satisfied with pleasure, or content with ill fortune. He hath the discipline to marshal dogs, and suitably; when a wise Herald would rather marvel, how he should distinguish their coats, birth, and gentry. He carries about him in his mouth the very soul of Ovid's bodies, metamorphosed into Trees, Rocks, and Waters: For when he pleases, they shall echo and distinctly answer; and when he pleases, be extremely silent. There is little danger in him towards the Commonwealth: for his worst intelligence comes from Shepherds or Woodmen; and that only threatens the destruction of Hares; a wel-knowne dry meat. The spring and he are still at variance: in mockage therefore, and revenge together of that season, he wears her livery in Winter. Little consultations please him best; but the best directions he doth love and follow; they are his Dogs: If he cannot prevail therefore, his luck must be blamed; for he takes a speedy course. He cannot be less than a conqueror from the beginning, though he wants the boot; for he pursues the flight. His Manhood is a crooked sword with a saw back; but the badge of his generous valour is a horn to give notice. Battery & blowing up, he loves not: to undermine is his Stratagem. His Physic teaches him not to drink sweeting; in amends whereof, he liquors himself to a heat, upon cool blood: If he delights (at least) to emulate his Dog in a hot nose. If a Kennel of Hounds passant take away his attention & company from Church; do not blame his deuo●…ion; for in them consists the nature of it, and his knowledge. His frailties are, that he is apt to mistake any dog worth the stealing, & never take notice of the Collar. He dreams of a Ha●…e form, a Fox kenneld, a Buck lodged, or a Hart in harbour And if his fancy would be moderate, his actions might be full of pleasure.   

CHARACT. VII. A Falconer  
IS the egg of an ordinary Goosewoman, hatched up amongst Hawks and Spaniels. He hath in his minority conversed with kestrils, and young Hobbies; but growing up he begins to handle the Lure, & look a Falcon in the face. All his learning makes him but a new Linguist; for to have studied & practised the terms of Hawks Dictionary, is enough to excuse his wit, manners, and humanity. He hath too many Trades to thrive; and yet if he had fewer, he would thrive less: he need not be envied therefore, for a Monopoly, though he be Barber surgeon, Physician, and Apothecary, before he commences Hawk leech: for though he exercise all these, and the art of Bowstrings together, his patients be compelled to pay him no further, than they are able. Hawks are his object, that is, his knowledge, admiration, labour, and all: They be indeed his idol, or Mistress, be they Male or Female: to them he consecrates his amorous Ditties, which be no sooner framed then hallowed: Nor should he doubt to overcome the fairest, seeing he reclaims such Haggards; and courts every one with a peculiar Dialect. That he is truly affected to his Sweetheart in her feather▪ bed, appears by the sequel; himself is sensible of the same misery: for they be both mewed up together: But he still chooses the worst penance; by choosing rather an Ale▪ house, or a Cellar, for his moulting place, than the Hawks mew. He cannot be thought less than a spy, & that a dangerous one: For his espials are, that he may see the fall of what he persecutes: and so the Woodcocks perish: if they do not, his Art is suspended. He is a right busy-body, who intermeddles so much with others affairs, that he forgets his own: He would not else correct his Hawks wildness; and be so ready to trample down the standing corn; or make way through enclosures: That argues him to be Rebellious & vulgar; one apt to strive for liberty. His Manhood I dare not signify, it remains doubtful upon equal terms, because, seldom tried with any thing but wildfowl: and then he performs, water-seruice; perhaps sea-service; but both, in some soul manner: By Land he serves, on horse or foot; on both, to destroy Partridge, or Pheasant. You may truly call him an extreme bad husband if he lies in a Flocbed; because he meddles so much with Fowls & doth not feather his nest. There is no hope of his rising, though he doth excel; for he rather seeks to make others ambitious of rising, than himself: and therefore though he frames wings with Daeda●…us, he thereby makes his Hawk only fit to aspire: Yet if any shall (by conjecture) take a flight from Paul's Steeple; he will (I suppose) as soon as any: for he proves wiser already in the art of wings than Blad●…d. I had rather (in the mean time) take his word then his oath; for when he speaks without an oath, he is not troubled with the passion of his Curs, or Haggards; and therefore cannot so well excuse it, if he breaks his promise. As for Religion, she is a bird of too high a wing; his Hawks cannot reach it, and therefore not he. And if he flies to Heaven, it is a better flight, than any he hath commended: There, I meddle not with him; thither he must carry himself: for I can neither condemn, nor save him.   

CHARACT. VIII. A Farmer  
IS a concealed commodity: His worth or value is not fully known till he be half rotten: and then he is worth nothing. He hath Religion enough to say, God bless his Majesty; God send peace, and fair weather: So that one may glean Harvest out of him to be his time of happiness: but the tithe sheaf goes against his conscience; for he had rather spend the value upon his Rea●…ers and Ploughmen, then bestow any thing to the maintenance of a Parson. He is sufficiently Booke-read, nay a profound Doctor, if ●…ee can search into the diseases of cattle and to foretell rain by tokens, makes him a miraculous Astronomer. to speak good English is more than he much regards; and for him not to contemn all Arts and Languages, were to condemn his own education. The pride of his House keeping is a mess of Cream, a Pig, or a green-Goose: and if his servants can uncontrowled find the highway to the Cupboard, it wins the name of a bountiful Yeoman. Doubtless he would murmur against the 
* Aurelius' victor de vir: illust: foe 264. 〈◊〉 Grachus tribunus plebis, leg est tolit, ne quis quingenta p●…us habere t●…ugera.  Tribunes law; by which none might occupy more than five hundred acres: For he murmurs against himself, because he cannot purchase more. To purchase Arms (if he aemulates Gentry) sets upon him like an Ague: It breaks his sleep, takes away his stomach, & he can never be quiet till the Herald hath given him the Harrows, the Cuckoo, or some ridiculous Emblem for his Armoury. The bringing up, and Marriage of his eldest Son; is an ambition which afflicts him so soon as the boy is borne, and the hope to see his son superior, or placed above him, drives him to dote upon the boy in his Cradle. To petuse the Statutes, and prefer them before the Bible, makes him purchase the credit of a shrewd fellow: and then he brings all adversaries to composition. If at length he can discover himself in large Legacies beyond expectation, he hath his desire. Mean time, he makes the prevention of a dearth his Title, to be thought a good commonwealths man. And therefore he preserves a Chandelors trea sure of Bacon, Links and Puddings in the Chimney corner. He is quickly and contentedly put into the fashion, if his clothes be made against Whitsuntide, or Christmas day: and then outwardly he contemns appearance: He cannot therefore choose but hate a 
* Lib 2. In ●…urop: tractatu. Quo Hisp●…norum dignitas en●…teat m●…gis, illi in app●…ratu & vestimentis omnia ponunt.  Spaniard likewise; and (he thinks) that hatred only, makes him a loyal subject: for benevolence & subsidies be more unseasonable to him, than his quarter's Rent. Briefly, being a good housekeeper, he is an honest man: and so, he thinks of no rising higher, but rising early in the morning; and being up, he hath no end of motion▪ but wanders in his Woods & Pastures so continually, that when he sleeps, or sits, (I think) he wanders also. After this, he turns into his element, by being too venturous hot, and cold: then he is fit for nothing but a chequered grave: howsoever some may think him convenient to make an everlasting bridge; because his best foundation hath been perhaps) upon Woolpackes.   

CHARACT. IX. An Hostess  
IS (if beautiful) the abatement of reckonings, or the second course: if a widow, she is the journeys end of a weatherbeaten traveler: if ordinary, she is the servant and the Mistress; but in general, she is a receiver to all professions, and acquainted by experience with cookery, or sluttery. Bring invited to her own provisions, she prepares the w●…y to mi●…tigate her prizes, either by exclaiming upon the hard times, or insinua thing the sublime price of Mutton. She must be pardoned, though she depart before supper is ended; for she is modestly ashamed to hear her sinful reckonings. She professes the kitchen, but takes place in the chamber: and having interrupted the Guest with a cup of heartily welcome, she signifies his sorrow, though it be manifest silence she excuses the attendance by variety of guests; and blaming the Maidservants, she commends 
* That which agrees with a covetous ma●…s gain, agrees with his conscience, ther●… what 〈◊〉 against 〈◊〉 ●…rofit, go●…s ag●…inst his conscience.  herself for the sole agent and you must conceive amiss of the shambles, or butter-market upon her honesty. Her chiefest knowledge is to distinguish upon the trades of our belly; and though she condemns a Tailor for lengthening his bill with bombast, stiffening, silk and buttons; yet she furnishes her own in the same kind, with wine▪ bread, salads and cheese; and though she seldom abate the price of reckonings, yet she can give a morsel of her own into the bargain, if that may satisfy. She chooses servants also that will give the best content: and that she insinuates though she undo a traveler. She may abhor drunkenness; but in her own house conceals it, and receives the advantage: neither dares she reprove her husband's thirsty humour, lest she should lose her freedom; when he resigns his power to laziness, by which he was engendered. Her husband's sloth makes her employed proudly; being heartily ambitious of labour, if she can boast well, that her pains alone keep her husband & his family. She keeepes open house & therefore she thinks a porter as much impertinent as laces to her placket. If herself be sponge and cork, she hath a daughter or a Chamber maid of luy. These and she together make the best of a bad bargain, and therefore she asfoords no pennyworth which is not the best that can suddenly be bought for money. She seldom invites cost-free: for she determines to be paid commonly. If therefore she doth invite, she is a rare woman; neither hath she any thing else to plead rarity. Briefly, she is at●…ing of clean linen that is the warrant of her cleanliness: She makes the welcome of a new, the farewell of an old traveler. She hcarkens joyfully to the numerons footing of horses and having with a quick accent twice called the Chamberlain, she is now busy about dressing supper.   

CHARCT: XXII. A Tapster  
IS an infernal: the Belzebub of a Cellar, and the very motion of a double jug. He was engendered by a Drunkard's appetite and urine. for nothing but his desire to fill and empty, hath bred a Tapster. He is of a barmy disposition apt to cleave, and therefore he seeks to be familiar at first sight; but in stead of friendship he retains the names of customers: only betwixt Brewer's men and him, there passes hungry and thirsty love; consisting of Hollaud cheese & Rolls in recompense of bottle-ale, and strong Beer. You may call him swinish, for he bears chief sway among the hog sheds: and claims authority among them to 
* juxta horatianum illud in Epod. 13. Deus haec fortasse benigna reducet in sedem vice. Castig●…ndus est hic Bon●…i commentarius, qui delucidat hasce partiunculas quasi digressi●…am consolation●…m: at quám sapi●… nunc 〈◊〉 it 〈◊〉 enim hic ost sensus. Deut sic providebit fortaise 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 illa idest dolia im●…leta vinode quibus nunc 〈◊〉 est loqut, quasi de recentioribus, reducanturi●… locum buius vetust●… 〈◊〉, ●…ressi amico meo con●…ule: et sic potius opinor intelligendus est ●…lle locu●….  ●…emoue and prefer. Drawers and he live at variance; for he thinks the grape a disparagement to malt; and therefore he encounters Wine even with the smallest beer he hath, to affright the fortitude of Sack, & Claret: But (which betrays his stratagems) he gladly makes the Vintuers vessel his vassal and Renegad●…. Nay rather he farms Diogenes his tenement; and, fearing he should be dispossessed (I think) he puts in a valorous tenant that will beat the mad Cynics brains out if he dares Encounter. His riches are single, they consist of single money: his profession double, it consists of double Beer: but then his faculties are again so single, that if he leaves the cellar, he must beg 〈◊〉: for ignorance and lazine ●…t have been his education. Mean time he is kept from Robbery by exchange of single pieces: and yet he disables himself in exchange unless he expects nothing by delay. He feels the same sorrow to hear you discommend his liquor, that he doth to see you depart. depart It goes against his conscience to see the cup stand quietly; and against his stomach to see you prefer Mutton before powdred-beefe. He is a prettier fellow of his hands then any of the guard: for give him leave to draw apace, and he will strike down twelve guards. He hath an ambitious memory which cannot deceive him, because he hath taught it to deceive others: for his abundance of memory, and his meaning to get ●… stock, labour to get a superfluous twopences in the reckoning. He would make an ass of Kelly if he were living: Kelly wrought upon somewhat; but this fellow makes money of mere nothing: for he gets by froth, and emptiness. His brain swarms with a tempest of bottle reckonings; which makes him careless of hats: lest he should breed an impostume, by enclosing their multitude; else he is afraid lest the hot and moist reckonings he carries in his head, should dissolve his felt, and therefore he goes uncovered; else to show he reverences the Cellar and weekdays, more than the Church or Sabbath; for then only he plays the Turk, and puts on: else (which is indeed the reason) he knows all comers claim his duty, and therefore he walks bare headed to save a labour. He attributes the scant measure of his jug, to the Cellars darkness, and his saving nature; but rather than he will justify both, he hath a certain slight or hand to fill the first 〈◊〉, and so a voids inquisition. All his conscience is, that he dares not cast away God's good creatures; and therefore he preserves the droppings to make a compound He is an ignoble wret●…h: do what you can, he will couson you with his Can. Of his prayers and religion, I neither find any thing, nor will I leave any thing, written. But I believe strongly, that in stead of Praying, he wishes to hear men desirous of Collops & Eggs, or red Herrings. And therefore I think he should thrive best in a sea voyage; because he commends the relish of meats seasoned exceedingly. His bladder is more capable than his greasy pouch; and more immoderately widened. He hath nothing to commend his literature, but Brachigraphy, or the science of short writing, which he practices upon the barrels head, or behind the door: the meaning whereof he expounds, but doth not discover the rules. If he dares defend his function in Winter, he must provide an Orator: for he speaks coldly for himself, as being troubled with a common hoarseness to betray his vigilance. Briefly, you must imagine him a light fellow, and like the cork, which swims with moisture, is supported with liquor, and tied about the bottle or jugs neck: there, or near about that, you may find him personally.   

CHARACT. XI. A Lawyers simple Clerk  
IS his Master's right hand, if he be not lefthanded: or the second dresser of sheepskins: one that can extract more from the parchment, than the Husbandman from▪ the Fleece. He is a weak Grammar●…an; for he begins to pierce, before he can construe well: Witness the Chambermaid. Neither can you discommend him: for his best education hath been at a dull Writing-schoole. He doth gladly imitate Gentlemen in their garments; they allure the Wenches, and may (perhaps) provoke his Mistress: but then he must be a customer to Cook's shops, and low Ordinaries, or visit the Broker, to bespeak Silk stockings, without which he thinks Gentry doth much degenerate. having done thus (if his cloak did not reveal him by instinct) he might pass suddenly for a Gentleman presuming on which, & his plausible discourse, he dares attempt a mistress: but if he chooses worthily, he feels himself worthily contemned, because he woes with bawdry in text; and with jests, or speeches stolen from Plays, or from the common-helping Arcadia. He may be reasonably commanded by his master in attendance: but if he rides with a Cloak bag, he thinks himself disgraced behind his back. He may brag of the University, and that he hath commenced; yet he can hardly tell you by learning the 
* Strabo: lib. 1●…. ●…talus rex Mysiae ●…bliotheeam Pergam●… opplevit ducentum mill generibus librorum: In Forum autem usum pelles ovinae comparatae fuerū●…; q●…ae adhuc ob 〈◊〉 t●…ntummodo causam vocantur Pergamen.  first use of Parchment; though it concerns him nearly; for being once in a College, and now a Clerk, it seems plain that he was an arrant rakehell. Howsoever, he is otherwise a peaceable companion: for as he continually makes agreement, so himself sits quietly, by his Emblem of meekness, the sheeps-skinnes; except the itch troubles him. You can make no question that he is provided to dispatch readily; for he hath his business at his finger's end. He may pretend Scholership: but all that is nothing unless you compare it with a jugglers, and then he may seem cunning: for he doth exceed a juggler in the slight of hand: being able by his cleanly conneyance, to remove the possession of lands forty miles distant. He trembles therefore alike with all Handicrafts, (though he most valerons) to think if he should offer violence in the Court: for upon his Palms & Fingers depend his Incomes. He is no vain Disputant: this knowledge is positive ingrossd, and so upon record. Self-conceit in works, he refuses: for he labours about nothing which is not justifiable by Precedents, either of West, his master or a teacher. In the compass of which three he ties his approbation of wit so narrowly, that I cannot blame him if he condemns this Character, for (upon my knowledge) he can find no such thing in the Precedents. Then he doth not seem to delight in a retired life: for he sits always in the most outward room of his masters chamber. He may be very much tempted to pick & pilser; for Legit ut clericus cannot be applied to any man so fitly. He is not ashamed of what he doth: for he regards not to have a finger, but a whole hand in the business. To which purpose you may see his name subscribed in Court, after sealed and delivered. He doth rely upon his masters practice, large indentures, and a desk to write upon. He can show little or no sign of humil●…ty like his degraded lodging in the trunckle-bed; which hazards many s●…eabites, and the violent air of his masters feet. Westminster likewise doth not altogether not concern him: he hath a motion thither, and a motion there: Thither he moves by way of injunction from his Master: there he moves in the common place of breakfasts, for relief of his stomach; and if he can match his breakfast and dinner without grudging of his stomach, he hath his desire. He is a follower: for he wears a livery, but no servant, for he pays his own wages. If he be drunken you must say he staggers, to avoid equivocation: for when he is sober he makes Indentures. Serving himself, he serves God by occasion: for whilst he loves his gain, a●…d serves his desire of getting, he hates idleness. If his Master thrives, he cannot do amiss; for he leads the way, and still rides before. He is the Sophister, or Solicitor to an Attorney; & from himself he proceeds to an Attorney: that is his commencement. So that a Clerk in thesi, is an Attorney in Hypothesi.   

CHARACT. XII. A perifogging A●…turny  
IS a fellow at your command for ten groats, and hath no inheritance, but a knavish form o●… understanding. He is extremely graced if he talk with two vel●…et cloaked Clients in five Terms: and desires to salute great Lawyers, in view to purchase reputation. He is indeed the upshot of a proud ignorant Clerk, and retains his learning from Paenall Statutes, or an English Little: on. He doth multiply business, as a tinker multiplies work, with mending: and in a Michaelmas term, he will seem more bus●…e about offices, than a ●…lea at midnight in the midst of summer. He is a better commodity to himself then Stockfish (being well beaten.) His chief invention is how he may take brib●…s from both parties, & please both fashionably: how he may cousin his friends to all advantage, and give the gloss of good dealing: if his wickedness thrives well, he proves a te●…rible Ass in a Lion's skin: but whilst he out dares any man and forgets himself to be a buzzard, his confidence deceives him: He keeepes a tro●…ting pace to signify employment. Chancery lane is his loom: for in the term he runs nimbly from one end to the other like a shuttle to weave mischief. subpaena's, Executions and all Writs of quarrel be his bondslaves. He doth naturally exclaim upon Poets and Players; they are too inquisitive about his cozenage. He commends Divinity; but makes the professors simple men when they submit to his mercy: he still prefers the authority of a Statute where it makes for his purpose (though mistaken) before God and a good conscience. His Religion is the Kings continually: And he would willingly come to Church on Sundays if he had ended his Declarations. He is in●…atiatly given to get by any man he deals with; so much, that he will scarce borrow ten shillings, unless he may get ten pence. His chief pride is to be have himself better than he is able, and chiefly in delivering of his charge at Cou●…tleetes: where he assumes much peremptory state, and knows the audience cannot appreh end where he stole his lesson: and then though his mind be not in the Dishes, it is in the K●…tchin. There is such a near union betwixt him and fees, that if ignorance hath made him spare a deceit in overburthening his client, he thinks he hath not done as he should do, and that he deserves miserably to be laughed at. His highest ambition is an Inns of Court, an old rich widow, and the Stewardship of L●…etes, and still he hopes to be the first of his name: He loves little manners but where he hopes to save, and there he plays the ●…ychophant. He had rather eat still then wipe his mouth: rather (I mean) see●…e means to multiply, then to repent his old couse age. he thinks nature may justify his dealing though he proves somewhat bold with his kindred; & therefore he will cozen his own brother before any man. His alms be old Shoes for Brooms: one for another: for without receiving he never gives. His discourse is commonly attended with a Sc●…re facias, and he is ashamed in his heart when he hears of a cunninger knave than himself. Briefly, he is indeed a mere Attorney, sit for all turns that any way enrich his coffer: for he hath ●…nauery enough to cozen the people, but wit enough to deceive the gallows. Howsoever being too busy about his common bait of lucre (thinking to snap at the devils glow-worm, (he is catched in his common noose, the Pillory, from whence he is delivered: but the Huntsman marks him for an old breeder.  
I might here accuse some excellen●… Attorneys (though they be good patterns of their countries knowledge) because they ●…could not in my former impression take this Character without scandal to themselves and honesty: and yet I pardon their mistaking: Because it is no discredit for a good Attorney to be no good Logician.   

CHARACT. XIII. A crafty Scrivener  
IS the curse of man's crafty dealing: He is a curious workman, and may be free of the Locksmithes: for full of Instruments he is, and Engines: and makes Manacles for any man's wearing above Twenty One. His first ambition commonly is to join forces, and make up his defects of policy, and custom by partaking in another's projects: Then doth he readily aspire to frequented places, a convenient shop, the notice of his neighbours, and so engross credit, or some text Widow, by the Noverint of his Grogrengowne: A common Strumpet never fawned so much on a young h●…ire, as he with flattery obferues the Usurer, and with nice dutiful care to preserve him, makes his rotten hide, the chief Indentures that contain his Title. Obligations be his best prayers: for he cannot tie God to perform conditions, or put in suertyship. His friendship hath a Countermand of being too honest; which he will obey, rather than not save by the bargain. He is the safest man from danger in the ped●…gree of rapines; for first, the Gallant lives by sale and Country Tenants; the Citizen by the Gallant; the Scrivener and the Devil upon both, or all: so neitherlives by loss with the Gallant, nor upon trust, with the Citizen: His condemnation is a knot of Seals and their Impression: the first discover to him a conformed unity; yet none hath more hand in the procuring of variance. The last d●…scouers a tractable nature, which gives & takes impression Of the ●…irst (that is to give) he knows no meaning but when he gives the print of his fist, that it may stick by elder brothers a whole age: Of the last (that is to take impression) he knows none but a wrong meaning: for the best seal that imprints love in him, is only the King's picture; and that love continues no longer than he beholds it. His quills and instruments betoken peace: you cannot therefore expect more valour in him, then to win ground by the advantage of weak Prodigals, and such as run away from thristinesse: they be most importunate with him: with them he prevails most: to them he sells his extortious nature at the highest value, because they be most willing to make it their pennyworth. Is it possible he should escape damnation, when his whole trust and dealing is in great Security? He will suspend his nearest familiars, and not absolutely resolve them what he is able to do; in hope to purchase a supper or some provoking remtmbrance: and if he be brought to testify against his Usurer, he will counterfeit his knowledge, worse than a common Bawd that is questioned by an Officer about whores. I know not how he should be trusted in his dealing: for when he promises to do much for a spendthrifts bribe, he writes against him soon after, by making that Bond, which he knows will be forfeited. His memory is his own; another cannot safely trust it, in reckoning the day of payment: for he reckons what he can save, by renewing the hazard of a second forfeit, not your los●…e by the first: and so he over-reaches you, by overreaching the time, when you trust his memory: If you trust him therefore you may feel the forfeit, and pay largely for an acquittance. He may perhaps help a friend in adversity, but he will be damned first; by helping more for profit sake then friendship. His learning jumps just with, or falls sometimes short of an Attorneys; being only able to repeat the aforesaid form to thousand purposes: So all his mystery indeed is nothing to increase his Art, but his Policy, or plain knavery: And that being served in, to the world's banquet, represents a large Fox's head, and a little Sheep-skinne in divers dishes. It is the total of his Creed, that nothing should be justified, or called lawful, which hath not hand and Seal: that makes him exercise Hand and Seal, as the warrant for devices of his head and Soul. He never raises the spirit of a Prodigal by charms, but he together raises the spirit of mammon a Citizen; and then this potent conjuror binds them both fast in a Quadrangle. He will seem to know the Statute and common Law; but commonly the construction fails him (for he looks to his own advantage) except the law hath practised upon his hearing, to teach the comment when he mistakes the Law. Having at length been a long Auditor to the sweet lecture o●… Usury, he loves the matter so well, that he becomes proficient, graduate, and professor in the Science: but after general profession he approaches quickly to his centre (from whence he sprung) Nothing.   

CHARACT. XIIII. A wrangling Welsh Client  
IS a good journeyman, if not a good Footman▪ He is the only friend of ●…awyers (i●… they be Welsh begotte●…) and still solicits them for a judgement. But we may credibly think he will entertain English Lawyers likewise; for he makes the contention of Wales exceed the wranglings of Norfolk already. His valour is, that he can by no means carry coals; and is ever therefore fittest for an action of the case. When he expresseth (as oftentimes he doth) bounty to outbrave his aduer●…ary before his Counsel, then doth he rather and indeed express a spiteful arrogance; manifesting that he believes himself to be a kinsman of Cadwallader, though he derives his pedigree from the dust of ninetynine generations: and he thinks himself ennobled by the conceit of Owen Tudor as much as if they had been brothers children. When he visits offices he will draw such a number of purses (if his adversary be present) that you may think he hath cut or found a dozen in or betwixt Wales & Westminster. His pride lies wrapped up in a clout between his legs, or in a pocket in the Armehole: from thence he draws his Angels to feed his Lawyer, though himself sleep supperless. (Howsoever) he is content to be his own Cook; and though his diet be slender, yet his money and victuals lie within a clouts thickness: which might excuse him from a beggarly want of food, but rather detects him of a beggarly pride. It is impossible he should eat much: for the least provocation makes him so froward; that you may verily think he hath eaten her belly full of Wasps and Salamanders, every hour in the day. But he saves many meals in cheesemongers shops; by tasting often: and when he hath disliked all, he contents himself with a parcel of two pennyworth at the Cha●…delors. He makes the Term his time of Pilgrimage, and Offices at Law, the Shrine where he offers up his dovotion: Which (after he hath ended his voyage) amounts to voluntary penance; for he travails barefoot. Though he be long in travail and tarries late, yet nothing can be recovered by default of appearance: for inundations be his perpetual affidavit: and he swears 〈◊〉 was overflowed with a witness; when all the country about complained of dryness. The profit which he gives to English Lawyers, he gives generally to the laws profession: that proceeds from his language, which to the credit of Inns of Court, and Law French, he utters harshly, with great amazement of beholders. His body is so proportioned to his mind, and his clothes to his body, that you cannot find a fitter model of envy in the most beautiful work of Spencer: For as 〈◊〉 pines away her c●…rcasse when another thrives, so cannot she be clothed better than (as a Welsh Client is) with spoils of innocence; Erise; or cotton. The best thing about him worth commendation is, that he cannot long dissemble his carriage and malice; for he goes without a cloak continually. A piece of Parchment and a Seal thoroughly paid for, sat●…sfies him presently in stead of judgement; but otherwise he spends his faith upon the hope of costs: And if he dies before execution, he scarce hopes to be saved.  
Many of the nation were offended lately with this Character, which nothing doth concern them; if they had saved their fury, they might have been thought wisermen.   

CHARACT. XIIII. A plain Country Bridegroom  
IS the finest fellow in the Parish; and he that misinterprets my definition, deserves no Rosemary nor Rose-water: He never was master of a feast before; that makes him hazard much new complement: But if his own Master be absent, the Feast is full of displeasure; except in his latter days he grew rebellious. He shows near affinity betwixt marriage and hanging: and to that purpose, he provides a great Nosegay, and shakes hands with every one he meets, as if he were now preparing for a condemned man's voyage. Although he points out his bravery with ribbons, yet he hath no vainglory; for he contemns fine clothes with dropping pottage in his bosom. The invitation of guests, provision of meat, getting of children, and his nuptial garments, have kept his brain long in travail; if they were not arguments of his wooing Oratory. He invites by rule within distance, where he hopes to prevail; not without some paraphrase upon his meaning. But (howsoever) he seems generous: for nothing troubles him, or takes away his stomach more, than default of company: yet in his provision he had ra●…her take away your stomach then fill your belly. As for his children if he begets above three, he may beget for God's sake to store the Parish. And yet his raiment (for the time) must show much variety, The Tailor likewise must be a vexation to him, or his clothes would never sit handsomely: But (above all) a bridle in his mouth would serve better than a Piccadill; for if you restrain him from his objects, & the engine of his neck, you put him into the Pillory. He hath long forecast with his Sweetheart in some odd corner of the milkhouse, how he may go the sparingest way to work when he marries: and he hath only that means to make her believe he is a frugal good husband▪ but though he meditates a twelve month, he cannot find wisdom to spare half a yard, in the length, of his fair troublesome cloak. He must savour of gallantry a little; though he perfume the Table with Rosecake; or appropriate Bonelace, and Coventry-hlew. He hath Heraldy enough to place every man by his Arms: But his quality smells rank with running up and down to give a heartily welcome: Blame him not though he prove preposterous: for his inclination was perhaps always good, bu●… his behaviour now begins: which is notwithstanding (he thinks) well discharged if when he dances, the heels of his shoes play the Galliard.   

CHARACT: XVI. A plain country Bride  
IS the beginning of the world: or an old book with a new Title:  
A quarters wages before hand and the title of a Country Dame be the two Adamants of her affection. She rises with a purpose to be extremely sober: this begets silence, which gives her a repletion of air without ventage: and that takes away her appetite. She seems therefore commendably sober unto all: but she drives the Parson out of Patience with her modesty, unless he have interest, or be invited: She inclines to stateliness, though ignorant of the meaning: Her interpreter, taster, carver, and Sewer, be therefore accidental: and yet without these, she were an Image to the assembly: all the good ornaments that she hath to grace her when she is married; be the several tunes of ballads & songs besides half a dozen tales and proverbs, with as many tales & rid●…les; and guilt races of ginger Rosemary and Ribbons be her best magnificence. She will therefore bestow a Livery, thoug she receives back wages: behaviour sticks to her like a disease; necessity brings it, neither can she take pleasure in the custom: & therefore importunacy with repetition, enforce her to dumb signs: otherwise you must not expect an answer. She is a courteous creature: nothing proceeds from her without a courtesy. When the wedding dinner is ended, she hath a liberty from that day forward, to talk of weaning Calves and fatting poultry among the housewives to her life's end. She hath no rarity worth observance, if her gloves be not miraculous and singular: Those be the trophy of some forlorn suitor, who contents himself with a large offering, or this glorious sentence, that she should have been his bedfellow. Her best commendation is to be kissed often: this only proceeds from her without interruption. She may to some seem very raw in carriage: but this becomes noted through the fear of disclosing it. She takes it by tradition from her fellow Gossips, that she must weep showers upon her marriage day: though by the virtue of mustard and onions, if she cannot naturally dissemble: but good simplicity hath not taught her the Courte-inuention, to squeak loud enough on her marriage night likewise: So She hath little or nothing to confirm her honesty: besides that which plain innocency affords. Now like a quiet creature she wishes to lose her Garters quickly, that she may lose her maidenhead likewise. And now she is laid.   

CHARACT. XVII. My Mistress  
IS a Magic glass: In which you may discern va●…ities of the world, herself, and other women. She is a most intricate female text; and though her works be common, yet you may longer and with less perfection study her meaning then the common law: For she is ready to give a new, before you have learned the old lesson. She hath a multitude of servants and suffers all to be before hand in their wages that they may still continue serviceable. She may be truly said affair one; for like some Fair of a days length her beauty spreads at morning and vanishes at night. The truth is I first began to look upon her, because she said she loved a Poet well, and was in part a poetess: for which good quality I might have loved her likewise but she was only good at long Hexameters, or a long and a short even for varietie-sake; which came so full upon Ovid's amorous vein, that I despised her meaning. You may well trust her that she will prove fruitful: for she is a vessel made for burden; and is therefore light in carriage. her affection toward sweet meats have made her like a sugar chest apt to take fire. She had her education under a great Countess; and if she could leave the Courtship she learned when she was a waiter, she might quickly prove a reasonable good woman. Her body is (I presume) of Gods making: & yet I cannot tell, for many parts thereof she made herself. Her head is in effect, her whole body and attire: for from thence, and the devices there engendered, proceeds her blushing modesty, her innocent white teeth, her gaudy gowns, her powdered hair, her yellow bands, her farthingales, and false Diamonds. All these together, and a quick fancy commend her function: for Fiddlers and Painters be full of Crotchets. She is well acquainted with games, and is so far confident they be lawful, that she makes no more conscience to couzzen you, then to handle a pair of Cards. She is always loosebodied; conserve of sloes cannot bind her. You need not make the question whether she can sing; for visitation will teach you, that she can scarce leave singing. And as for dancing, she will ask the question of you. She hath the trick of Courtship not to be spoken with; to take Physic, and to let her mountebank be the best ingredient. She hath at idle hours handled Physic points herself: and if any man adventures on her receipts, he will hardly scape a scouring. She is better than Gresham's Almanac to foretell seasons: When she complains of headache, it signifies fair weather: for than she is meditating to deceive some honest Gull: and when she complains downwards, of the wind colic, it signifies an unclean season. suspecting that a fresh suitor hath or may be ill informed of her conditions, she will protest beforehand that she was once troubled with a six months timpany. Her wit is Dainty because seldom: and whatsoever is wanting in the present delicacy of conceit, she makes good by rehearsal of stolen witty answers, even to the seventh edition. She purposes to travel shortly: But her meaning is to return with some French commodity; and she will rather fetch it, though she may be furnished at home, because she loves the cheapest ware, and the outlandish fashion. She doth ambitiously brag of the respect she found among my Lords followers; and (so hoping to persuade by credit of her education) she gives any man a gentle warning to refuse her. Her generosity extends thus far; to bestow love, and look for neither thanks nor requital: because a Marmoset and little Dog are ignorant of both. These excepted, she never loved truly. Her moral virtues be a subtle thrift, and a thriving simplicity. But whilst she makes the best construction of a matter, she would make likewise a thousand pound jointure of her behaviour only, and Courtcariage. This bargain is open for any man, who thinks not the pennyworth doubtful. And yet I must confess freely she hath more goodness about her little finger, than I have about my whole body: I mean her Diamond. Her best Religion is to teach a Parrot the Lords prayer; but the ten Commandments be a new matter: so that Petitions be more plausible with her, than Instructions at her own request therefore I give this to her looking-glass.   

CHARCT: XVIII. A Gossip  
IS a windy Instrument; a pair of bellows, or indeed two: for without her fellow, she is nothing. These labour jointly as at an Alchemists furnace, only to beget vapours: she receives and sends back breath with advantage; that is, her function. Her end is to kindle; That is, to warm, or burn: she can do both. And being quiet, or not in contention, she is without her calling; that is, her company. Her knowledge is her speech; the motive, her tongue; and the reason her tongue also: but the subject of her conference is the neighbour's wife, and her husband; or the neighbour's wife and husband both. The modesty that I could ever observe in her dealing, is thus much only: she must be twice entreated among strangers, before she takes down a whole glass. She is the mirth of marriages, and public meetings: but her natural season comes in with a minced pie, at Christmas; when all may attend with leisure. She carries her bladder in her brain; that, is full; her brain in her tongue's end; that she empties: It was washed down thither with pints of Muscadine; and being there, she loses it like urine, to ease her kidneys: which would otherwise melt with anger, if she might not speak freely. Being once a servant, she then learned to run, or go apace; that she might tarry and take, or give intelligence by the way. She aemulates a Lawyer in riding the circuit, and therefore she keeps a circuit, in, or out of her own liberties: striving to be both one of the judges, jury & false witnesses: for she loves, to be universal. She contemplates within, that she may practise abroad, and then she spews up secrets as if they were mixed with stibium: her reasons be colour; that she daubs on every Fable: Her truth is, to make truths and tales convertibles: tales be her substance, her conceit, her vengeance, reconcilements, and discourse. Not one woman in the parish shall commonly be accounted honest without her licence: which must be purchased by consenting to her motions. She makes every new inhabitant pay the tribute of an invitation, before she speaks well of him, or calls him neighbour: And by the virtue of a special mouth-glew, she cleaves readily to all acquaintance. To talk of Cookery, or cleanliness, & to tax others, is her best and only commendation. Her lungs be everlasting: she cannot be shortwinded: i●… those would perish, she might be recovered. She is a like dangerous with the Pox, to the town where she inhabits: and being pledged, or admitted among the females she infects more easily. If she rails against whoredom, it savours not of devotion; for she is only married, to escape the like scandal; from the door outward. She is more fugitive than a swallow: there is no hold to be taken of her in her own house: A venison Pastry will draw her all over the parish: nay her nostril is so quick, that she will discover it though it be Mutton, within a miles compass; and vex all the neighbours with her impudence if she be not invited. The burial of a second husband gives her the title of experience; but when she hath outlived three, she takes authority and experience both (as a Soldier that hath passed the pikes of three set battles) for granted. Her commendable antiquity reaches not above fifty; for growing old, she grows odious to herself first: And to prevent the loss of company; (having lived vainly) she commences hostess: that alone preserves her humour. A mongrel print would b●…st express her Character: for she is indeed a mongrel woman or the worst part of both sexes, bound up in one volume: seeing she corrupts the best by the use of them.   

CHARACT. XIX. An old Woman  
IS one that hath seen the day: and is commonly ten years younger, or ten years elder by her own confession, than the people know she is: if she desires to be youthful accounted, you may call her Mistress, widow, or the like: but otherwise old mother, Grandam, and such names that seal antiquity: the first she takes well, if childless: the last never well, but when she can speak wonders to grandchildren of the third generation. If they please her, she hath old harry sovereigns, that saw no sun in fifty years, to give away on her death bed. If she be not toothless, her teeth eat more than they chaw: for I presume they are hollow. She loves the upper end of the table, and professes much skill in Cookery: she thinks it also some felicity to give attendance about sick persons: but is the common foe to all Physicians. In agues, aches, cough, and tissickes, she confidently will undertake to cure by prescription: if herself be untainted. As for diseases which she knows not, she dares proceed to Dragon-water, Holy-thistles, Wormwood drinks, and Clysters, without the help of Galen, or Hippocrates. if she blushes at the Sun rising, her colour changes not till bed time: and some times though she drinks down her breakfast, by dinner time her teeth be grown, and she will seem to chew the cud. She lusts abundantly toward young women, that she may talk as dame regent; or fall into discourse of childbirth and midwives. She may as safely walk amongst contagious Lepers, as into the kitchen; and smells infection, or perfume with the same nostril. She hath perpetually the pride of being too cleanl●…e or the adherent vice of being too sluttish. She affects behaviour in the brood of youth, and will divulge her secrets of superstition to any that will be attentive. She hath with many complaints of Aches in her hips bought an Almanac to know change of weather. Envy is to her an inseparable twin, and though it be offensive commonly to few, yet doth it oftentimes consume herself, and starve away her memory.   

CHARACT. XX. A Witch  
IS the devils Hostess: he takes house-room and diet of her; and yet she pays the reckoning: guilty thoughts and a particular malice to some one person makes her conceive a detestation of all: her policy of sequestration, to avoid jealousy of neighbours, detects her envious spirit: for the melancholy darkness of her low cottage, is a main conjecture of infernals: her name alone (being once mounted) makes discourse enough for the whole parish: if not for all hamlets within six miles of the market. She receives wages in her own coin: for she becomes as well the object of every man's malice, as the fountain of malice towards every man. The torments therefore of hot Iron, and merciless scratching nails, be long thought upon, and much threatened (by the females) before attempted. Mean time she tolerates defiance through the wrathful spittle of matrons, in stead of fuel, or maintenance to her damnable intentions: she is therefore the ignorant cause of many Witches besides herself: for ceremonious avoidance brings the true title to many, although they heartily scorn the name of Witches. Her actions may well seem to betray her high birth and pedigree: for she doth quickly apprehend a wrong before it be mentioned▪ and (like a great family▪ takes no satisfaction which doth not infinitely counterua●…le the abuse: children therefore cannot smile upon her without the hazard of a perpetual wry mouth: a very Nobleman's request may be denied more safely than her petitions for buttermilk and small Beer: and a great Ladies, or Queen's name may be less doubtfully derided Her prayers & Amen, be a charm and a curse: her contemplations and souls delight be other men's mischief: her portion & suitors be her soul, and a succubus: her highest adorations be Yew trees, dampish Churchyards, and a fair Moonlight: her best preservatives be odd numbers, and mighty Tetragramaton: these provocations to her lust with devils, breeds her contempt of man; whilst she (like one sprung from the Antipodes) enjoys her best noon about midnight: and to make the comparison hold, is trodden under foot by a public and general hatred; she is nothing, if not a Pythagorean; for she maintains the transmigration of spirits: these do uphold the market of bargain and sale among them; which affords all sorts of cattle at a cheaper rate than Banks his horse, and better instructed: but (like a prodigal) she is out-reached, by thinking earnest is a payment; because the day is protracted. Her affections be besotted in affection of her science▪ She would not else delight in Toads, Mice, or spinning Cats without deversity: it is probable she was begotten by some Mountebank, or Wording Poet, for she consists of as many fearful sounds without science, and utters them to as many delusive purposes: She is a cunning statuary: and frames many idols these she doth worship no otherwise then with greedy scorn: and yet she is a deep Idolater. Implication is enough with her; to bespeak any man's picture, without his entreaty: for if it appears that he can provoke her, it implies likewise that he desires to be remembered by her; and Images be a certain memorial. She seldom lives long enough to attain the Mystery of Ointments, herbs, charms, or Incantations perfectly: for age is most incident to this corruption, and destiny prevents her. But howsoever she be passed childebearing, yet she gives suck till the latest minute of fi●…escore and upwards. If she out lives hemp; a wooden halter is strong enough: unless she saves a labour. But God forbid that age, simplicity, and froward accusations should be a Witches trial.   

CHARACT. XXI. A Pander  
IS the scab of a commonwealth: surfeits raise him to a blister; necessity, and want of good Surgeons, make him a mattery sore; whilst time and Tobacco brings him to be a dry scale. He is commonly the upshot of a younger brother, who lacks Honesty and Inheritance; or the remainder of a ●…rodigall, who hath lost them and himself. His Etymology is Pawne-dare: which intimates, he dares pawn his soul to damnation; or his stolen parcels to the Brokers. Or you may call Pander, quasi pin the door. Bawdy songs and he came both in together, for he is no generous companion except he can sing, and also compose stinking ditties. He hath been a great hunter up & down in his days, and therefore (it is no wonder) if towards a decay he become Warrener. Arts he studies not; neither wishes any but Rhetoric to catch maidenheads. He is the devils Countryman or indeed acquaintance: therefore in the devils absence he proves his Deputy; and welcomes customers with fireworks: a pipe of Tobacco, & a h●…t Q●…eane. He is a corrup●… 〈◊〉: ●…or he hath made 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 derivation of body. 〈◊〉 Usher-like attendance on Public whores hath made Coaches frequent; to distinguish them & Private Ones. His valour is expressed in black patches (much about roaring Boys humour) but plasters, which express him more venturous, he conceals. He wishes to be the first teacher of a Novice: and (being so admitted his Tutor) he first teaches him to beware of adultery and theft, by bringing him into danger of both, before he deserves it. And with those two vices he doth first accuse him, because himself is best acquainted with those two. He may truly boast if he returns from war, that he returns wounded to the bones; for he was wounded so before he went. If he be married, he hath divorced himself, because his wife was honest, & so means to continue: or (being dishonest) because she was odiously deformed, not worthy to entice others▪ In the vacation time he teach●…s his whores the knowledge of false Dice & cheating, by way of recreation; or he travails to get money with his Monsters at Sturbridge fair. His 'Greed is a matter of three Articles, and them he believes actually: First, that there is no God: secondly, that all women, and more especially that all Citizens wives, be, or would be, common, or peculiar whores: and lastly, that all things are lawful, which can escape the laws danger: good examples therefore prevail with him, as showers among the stones they make him more slippery & studious to deceive the people: For the more people be seasoned with good examples, the more ready he is to entrap them; not to imitate. His Fellowships be retired, and within doors: for being abroad, he is a sober lump of villainy; delighting unsociably (like a Cutpurse, & for the same reason) rather in multitudes then civil numbers. The ●…awd and He, are chief confederates: with whom together, (as occasion happens) the Constable hath standing wages to be an assistant; every way as 
He being ready to disturb or not disturb their customers, a●… they shall instruct him  dangerous as the other two. Bowling allies, di●…ing-howses, and Tobacco shops, be the Temples, which he and his fraternity of Roarers, have erected to Mercury and Fortune: In the two first, he doth acknowledge their Deity: in the last he offers smoking incense to them both, in recompense of booty gotten by Chance and cheating. If the Gallows be disappointed of his destiny; they can blame nothing but his tender bones, which could not brook so long a journey; or a whore's quarrel, whilst Wine was his Leader.  
Honest men are afraid of him and knaves and whores be suspicious of him; for he is an evil spirit▪ he was never generally commended but when he went to hanging; then he was commended (doubtless) for a propperman: for every fellow with an entire doublet is called proper man when he rides to Tyburn.   

CHARACT. XXII. A Friend  
IS one of the weightiest syllables (God excepted) that English or any Language doth afford. He is nearer to me then marriage, or natural kindred of the same blood; because love without kindred or ceremony, is more to be admired; and by the consequent more precious. Marriage and Kindred goes oftentimes no further than the Name or Body: but friendship is annexed with unanimity. My Friend therefore is either disposed (as I am) well: or well disposed to make me better. His multitude of acquaintance doth not extenuate his love, nor divide his affection. His lower fortunes be not distasted, not dissembled, nor swollen bigger than they be. He must not be employed in trifles and continually, like a servant; nor with expectation, like a Son: For an absolute Friend will finish (when importance calls) 
It a me dijament, tardo amico nihil est quiequam iniquius. Plau. In 〈◊〉. Act 13.  before he can be requested. He therefore among all, confutes the saying of 
* Proffered Ware stinks  Wares proffered: For what a Friend gives freely, either to prevent request, or to 
* Inuendibili merci oportot vl●…ro emptorem adducere: proba meix facile emptorem reperit. ib●…dem.  〈◊〉 a modest silence) enchants 〈◊〉 party. He is much dearer, than my legs and arms, for he is my body and my soul together. His honour is true love: which being so, he loves because he will not, & not because he cannot alter: That man cannot alter, who cannot with honesty disclaim affection; as being tied with dotage or fauour●… above merit and requital: But friends will not: which signifies that their love depends upon approbation of the naked man. A Friend therefore must be freely chosen not painfully created: for jealousies and fears intrude when favours be not mutual; if favours be the first beginning. He is manifest to me, whilst invisible to the world: and is indeed much about the making of this Character; little in worth and little pleasing at the first sight. He is able and willing, to council, to perform. A second meeting thinks him fit; A second trial knows him a fit Friend. The mere imagination of a friends love is an enchanted armour: my heart is impenetrable whilst I wear the comfort: for whether I survive or die, my Friend preserves me. Time nor anger can dissolve his amity: for either he submits and I pardon, or I submit & he pardons. He is like a true Christian, that undertakes & suffers for Christ's sake as a friend for his friends sake with equal joy, both credit and discredit, rest and travail. Being once had, a friend is full enough, and true a needle's epithet: for I am his, he mine: and being so, we are one to another the best or no friends. It is foolish Paganism to worship the suns rising, which doth regard all alike with his Idolaters: and it is crazy dotage for any to honour that friend, who prostitutes his favour to the 
* Popular men cannot be perfect friends. 〈◊〉 seu beatitudo est perfect▪ 〈◊〉 bon●…m huma●… actio●…: Ethi●….  world's liking. A perfect friend, thinks friendship his felicity: without which estimation, the nearest friendship, is but a sociable custom: for man hath never made an action perfect, unless he drew felicity from his actions nature.   

CHARACT. XXIII. A sick Machiavelli Politician  
IS a baked meat for the devil; and a dinner of dainties for Physicians: the villainy which makes him fit for the devils banquet, is close and private: but his bounty to prevail with physic is prodigal. He is in security a 
* Contingen▪ dicitur quod est, & poterat non esse: possibile, quod non est & potest esse. Moll: lib. 1. fol. 50  contingent Gull; in death a possible confusion: for sickness looks for him, before he looked for it; unless he poisons himself: therefore he is taken unprovided; so, proves a gull: And upon death's approach, he feels a tumult within himself because he looked no sooner. He thinks upon his life's proceedings, either with careless Infidelity, or sorrow to be interrupted: and he fi●…des no shifting policy to answer his loud conscience, but only this, 
* Art hon●…st a bene●…iceat 〈◊〉 in-honest Turrian 〈◊〉▪ which being prou●…d by many 〈◊〉 devices ●…s also ma●… in the most no●… table st●…ry reckoned by 〈◊〉. P●…r 〈◊〉 de mag●… nature: of 〈◊〉 fol. 〈◊〉. ●…estus: quivis homo 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 appel●… 〈◊〉.  ar●… d●…luditur arte: meaning that it was lawful for him to cousin the world, which otherwise would have consend him. Religious I cannot call him; * sacer I may call him justly: for he among the Romans was entitled sacer, who by the people was generally condemned; a●…d such is the general fortune of a Politician, when he grows sick and toward a conclusion. In health he was like the Nymph Echo mentioned in Outds Fables: for he was always deeply in love with his own policy; but policy 
* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ver●… in sonum 〈◊〉▪  despising to be his safeguard against sickness, he turns (as Echo did) into noise: for none is spoken of, so much as a Politician near his death. It is delivered, that the 
* 〈◊〉▪ lib. 14. c. 8.  Romans chose no Senator till he had worn his age by likelihood past the meaning and sense of pleasure: Destiny hath taken the same order with a Politician: For he is never admitted to his infernal dignity, till he grows decrepit; and almost weary of himself. But I admire how poison should molest him: because he & poison have been the most assured friends and familiars. The faculties of his soul are much indebted to the devil: for he hath borrowed many dark inventions from his pattern: and therefore like a Bankro●…t he dares not walk abroad out of his body; lest he should be arrested by the devils officers. He may be truly likend to the covetous man; who scorns to be accounted poor, and is unwilling to be accounted rich: A Politician likewise will not, in sickness nor in health seem careless of religion, as if he wanted piety; nor scrupulous in conversation, as if he dealt only with Puritans. When he was lusty and in perfect health, his agents were like the Tinker's dog, which carries his masters budget and knows no meaning of the tools: but when he falls sick he makes every messenger know his grief. As 
* Herodot●… lib. 6. Era: 4. 18. si ex capite Simulacri flamma 〈◊〉 ●…ore ut urbem ab 〈◊〉 cap●…ret, c●… veró epec●…ore fulgur extiterit id omne fuisse con●…ectum quod deus 〈◊〉 ●…ici vo●…  Cleomines interpreted the fire which broke from juno's Image, so may we interpret a Politicians sickness: If it proceeds from his heads devices, as when he counterfeits to work some subtlety, than we may look that he will prevail and recover: but when his pains proceed really from the heart, we may then imagine that he can go no farther. He makes me think of many Gamesters; who play cunningly while they can lose little; but when they hazard a round purchase, they prove arrant bunglers: and so the Politician is a most accurate gamester whilst he doth only hazard some reparable fortune, but now he ventures the main happiness, life, he quails and grows fainthearted. In health he presumes to be so much a man, that he will govern monarchies and men: but being (as I have superscribed him) Sick, he shows himself a little child, which cries most when it is undressing, and made ready for the Cradle. His policies were of a fine third, quick and lively: sickness therefore lumpish, agrees worse with him, then dirty weather and silk stockings. You may perceive when honest men dissemble, easily: for they will seem distracted and will stammer in conference: because they feel their meaning and their speech divided; which pulls them two contrary ways at once: But a curious Politician dissembles more intricately: because he will not listen to his heart's meaning, when he shadows hate or piety with appearance: and therefore we are much beholding to his extreme sickness: for than he is so far from coulouring his anguish, that he discovers many more faintings then he needs. Death and sickness makes him differ from a vegetable: For as a vegetable consists of Salt, Sulphur and Mercury; so likewise a Politician excels in three like properties: Wit, Sudden execution, and Envy: but this makes the difference: A vegetable yields the qualities, when itself perishes: A Politician, when he is best in health. No marvel though he be daunted when he remembers the next world, though in a staggering belief: for by the warrant of potions, gloves, salads, privy stubbs, and false accusers, he hath sent so many thither before him, that he may justly fear they will sue an appeal against him. Sickness and importunacy to recover health lays him open to a double mischief; Death and Dishonour of manhood: For he tha●… craves help where help cannot be afforded, suffers a double grie●…e; want and despair: as he that walks under a narrow penthouse to shield himself from rain, f●…eles a double shower; droppings from heaven, and evesdropps. A Politician holds that opinion of advancement which the 
* ●…us Lae●…us so 140. pars orbis septentrionalis prospera putatur ob altitudinem  Roman Soothsayers held of the northside: he thinks it fortunate because it is above the vulgar: and therefore is he most unwilling to decline, because death makes 
* Mors sceptra ligonibus oequat. Hor: carm▪ lib. 2.  equality. Howsoever it is unto him a greater sorrow to meditate the way of death, then to be dead; for being dead he looks for no disquiet. But after death his name grows old with being odious, like that infortunate 
* Rufus F●…stus in brevi ar●…o fol. 372 captus autem Valerianus in dedecore servitutis consenuits  Valerian, whose age was long, but tedious and disgraceful.   

CHARACT: XXIIII. A Page  
IS an abridgement of greater charges, sprung from the destruction of hospitality and surloignes. He had need be well guarded: for he is too little to defend himself: and yet he hath proved himself a tall champion; for he and a footman have driven away many valiant Bucklers, and Blue-coats. When he serves a Master, it may be the title of his function to be squire of the body, for he waits near about his person, and carries his weapons: being little he is my Lady's jewel: therefore she thinks him precious; and finds no fault with him but because he lacks weight: which is often times the weak reason why my Lady lives honest. Though he be little, he hath a reasonable soul: but I can see little difference betwixt him and a Monkey: they both serve to pass away time; and almost in the same manner: being either to be whipped or handled, or to be looked upon. It seems to me that his parents doubted of his long life; and therefore they take a course betimes that he may know the world before he dies, and learn experience while he lives: for before he grows to a yards length, he hath wickednede enough taught him, to damn a thrice bigger body with out original sin. He and a wench differ most in apparel He hath power to entice: for he takes by gift a lease for years of Cupid's deity▪ which ha●…h continuance no longer than he is under growth. Among all of what condition and degree soever, he will be drunk most early and betimes in the morning: for he learns to stagger at twelve and to be dead drunk at fifteen: which is, to be drunk almost by five a clock in the morning: for fifteen years of age, is three quarters past four; reckoning four years to an hour from the nativity. He belongs most commonly to the man; but he is the woman's playfellow. He is much about the bigness of Hercules his foot; the impression whereof (according to Herodotus) amounted to two cubit's 
* 〈◊〉 Hercules ostendunt petrae 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 sim●…le▪ 〈◊〉 ubitali magnitudine: uxta 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 〈◊〉: lib 4. 〈◊〉. s. 288.  length: But whereas the same author saith that the great region of Exampei afforded little worth noting besides Hercules, his foot, I may protest it afforded nothing in comparison of a Page: for that being a region of two thousand miles' compass, had only an impression of two cubits: but a Page in the little compass of two Cubits, hath a whole world of Roguery: which he may perhaps justify according to his Oath because he cannot well discern that his oath is better broken then kept: & so does nothing against his conscience. He smells after the waighting-gentlewoman, as Fancy my Lady's dog, after the great Spaniell-bitch: he proffers fair, but can do little to the purpose. He speaks Bawdy freely as if it were his mother tongue: but he cannot be so bad as his word. And thus by mere chance with a little dash I have drawn the picture of a pygmy.  
I think it the most unprofitable, inhuman, and wretched baseness, to multiply the least affliction; much more to triumph in a great man's sorrow: if therefore thou didst expect some sawcynesse, like to the late elegies, under this title, repent thy folly before thou makest it known.   

CHARACT. XXV. An honest Shepherd  
IS a man that well verifies the Latin piece, qui bene latuit bene vixit: he lives well that lives retired: for he is always thought the most innocent because he is least public: and certainly I cannot well resolve you whether his sheep or he be more innocent. Give him fat●…e Lambs, and fair weather and he knows no happiness beyond them. He shows most fitly among all professions, that 
* Natura paucis con●….  nature is contented with a little for the sweet fountain is his fairest alehouse; the sunny ban●…e his best chamber. Adam had never less need of neighbours friendship; nor was at any time troubled with neighbours envy less than he: The next grove or thicket will defend him from a shower: and if they be not so favourable, his homely palace is not far distant. He proves quietness to be best contentment, and that there is no quietness like a certain rest. His flock affords him his whole raiment, outside and linings, cloth and leather: and in stead of much costly linen, his little garden yields hemp enough to make his lockrum shirts: which do preserve his body sweetend against courtitch and pox, as a scare-cloath sweetens carcasles. He gives the just Epitome of a contented man: for he is neither daunted with lightning and thunder, nor over joyed with spring-time & harvest. His duly life is a delight full work, whatsoever the work be; whether to mend his garments, cure a diseased sheep, instruct his Dog, or change pastures: and these be pleasant actions, because voluntary, patient not interrupted. He comprehends the true pattern of a moderate wise man: for as a shepherd so a moderate man hath the supremacy over his thoughts and passions: neither hath he any affection of so wild a nature, but he can bring it into good order, with an easy whistle. The worst temptation of his idleness teaches him no further mischief, then to love entirely some nut-brown milkmaid, or hunt the squirrel, or make his Cosset wanton. He may turn many rare esteemed Physicians into shame and blushing: for whereas they with infinite compounds and fair promises, do carry men to death, the f●…rthest way about; he with a few simples preserves himself and family, to the most lengthened sufferance of nature. Tar and Honey be his mithridates and syrups; the which together with a Christmas carol, descend his desolate life from cares and melancholy. With little knowledge and a simple saith, he purifies ●…is honest soul, in the same manner as he can wash his body in an obscure fountain, better than in the wide Ocean. When he seems lazy and void of action, I dare approve his harmless negligence, rather than many approved men's diligence. Briefly he is the perfect allegory of a most blessed governor: And he that will pursue the tropes invention, may make this Character a volume.   

CHARACT: XXVI. A tailors man  
IS a Conjunction copulative: He makes things hang together; & when his master separates, he reconciles. A man would think he might be trusted; for he goes through stitch with business. He sits brooding like a Goose upon the shop board, and hatches parcels out of pieces. He will be any man's sumpter-horse, between six and eight in the morning: and he looks for twelve pence, or a tester to bring men acquainted with their own clothes. He loves bread by custom; for it is a part of his trade to be a binder He thinks it no sin to second his Master: and therefore when his master hath done stealing, he begins. He doth or may resolve by virtue of his Indentures to feel a twofold itch, though his indenture specifies fair usage and clean linen: And he holds it lawful to shrug upon the shopboard, but rather than he will wriggle before Gentlemen, he dares be bitten to the marrow. The Basilisk and Eagle cannot match his eyesight: for he can look through buff, or three-piled velvet, but with his needle's eye. He will stoop to your very breeches to do you good, though you disgrace him utterly. He carries always about him the picture of 
* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: ●… 〈◊〉 juas repetitum vene●… olim, Grex avium p●…umas, mo●…eat 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 da a colo●…bus.  Horace's crow: but he perceives no such matter: he wears his apparel by leave of the people's ignorance: for if every customer could challenge his own remnant, he would be stripped naked. He needs not use the Corn cutter; for the slip-shoe favours him. Call his theft in question, and he condemns himself: for he pleads ancient custom; whereas Antiquity punished 
* 〈◊〉 furrunt tem 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…ra 〈◊〉: ma 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 nec in ●…ndestum, e●… con●… qui 〈◊〉 ●…urtum non manifestum duplionem lui●…o. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: apud 〈◊〉:  close thievery of that kind, with a double pain. He hath little or nothing to plead christianity and courage, but sitting cross-legged: Which property makes him reverence the Knight semplars, and think that his profession hath been of the same order He hath no more courage than will serve to commend his own workmanship: And you may know as well when a Blackamoor is dead, as when he dissembles by the countenance. He deceives freely, with small discredit, and less shame; as some Physicians that be noblemen's Panders: It is incident to the profession, and past finding out. He need not wonder why the ●…owse should trouble his, more, than other Trades: for his garments have more seams than two or three suits together. Or you may think it reason, that he should be bitten outwardly with Lice, because he scorns to be bitten inwardly with Conscience. Little familiarity serves to make him (as likewise all clownish Tradesmen) your equal, without the Herald's pity. Tearing off his apparel, is the least wrong you can offer him: for he hath his mends in his own hand. He can show nothing to prove himself worth the name of Man; but his denomination of a tailors man: Which argues most against him; and proves him to be a Coward's coward: For being a Servant, he must fear his Master, who fears all men of spirit. A pair of shears and a pressing Iron, are his chief goods and purchase. You may sooner make his thimble hold water, without stopping, than his fancy keep one fashion. Briefly he consists of shreds and remnants; yet oftentimes there goes but a pair of shears betwixt him and a Gentleman: For many Gentlemen consist of outside, in which the tailors man takes part.   

CHARACT. XXVII. A fiddler  
IS, when he plays well a delight only for them who have their hearing: but is, when he plays ill, a delight only for them who have not their hearing; and is always a trouble 
●… Diogenes calls a bad Mu●…itiā the mo●…nings Cock; because all that hear him, rise, & leave him. I ae●…t. lib. 6. ●…ol. 176.  to himself, because he hears too much: his head is wider than his brain, by so much as a Carrier's boot is wider than his leg; much about half in half. He may best endure to fall groveling in a puddle: For it is part of his profession to be a scraper. He is like the Nomads, a wanderer from his childhood: there is no certainty of his abiding: he cannot be bound prentice; for iourny-man-like he travails from place to place, seeking to be set on work before he hath learned his trade. Being suddenly entertained without agreement, he is suddenly turned out of doors, without giving offence. He doth inquire out gentlemen's names and lodgings as if he purposed to lie in wait for an arrest: and the truth proves little otherwise: For he doth arrest men by their ears though they have been in the Pillory. he hath his morning, his midday, and his evening devotion: Wherein praying for others he finds his own blessing. His company stand like the foremen of a jury, to give in their verdict; and he doth always make two or three shillings be cast; or as much as you please to give him. He is not worth a fiddlestick without nimble fingers; and they be the surest good quality to make him suspected. Hope of employment drives him up to London: and he thinks that an unlucky day in term, which is not a day of hearing. He bids God give your worship good morrow, in the most doleful and scurvy fashion; that his music may relish the better. A new song and a bass-viol makes him. He deceives with his commodity worse than a Tobacco-man: For he will utter Peg of Ramsey, and the Mask of Lincoln's Inn, both for one prize. It is not material how sound, but how long he hath laid time asleep: for that is indeed his faculty; to be a temporal enchanter. He is a defended nightwalker: and under privilege of Music takes occasion to disquiet men, who had rather sleep, then hear him. disquiet is not all the danger he brings with him: for he can send his little spirit of Music upon a ladder of Lute-strings, into your private chamber: and enforce you to pick your own pockets that he may depart contented. He disproves the rule in Logic; quod efficit tale magis est tale: The workman is more excellent than his work: for he hath wit enough to tune his Vial though his wits are always untunable. fiddlers may have the same conceit, which 
* Potentiae Romanoru prior 〈◊〉 viam aperuit, luxuriae posterior aperuit: Paterculus lib. 2.  Scipio had among the Romans: the former Scipio increased Rome's power: the last, Rome's luxury: and Fiddlers at first were instruments of the wars; but now of riot. He looks more to be commended by the companies ignorance then his good Music, & more by their bounty then by their ignorance. His brains are (like the Mackerel) a dry meat; and and therefore they must be buttered with songs and ballads, or they be worth nothing: the tunes warm his head, and keep it boiling: he doth apprehend tunes (as the Beadle apprehends beggars) when they be vagrant: that they may work together in the bridewell of his noddle, to maintain themselves and him. The tippets of his ear be nointed with an invisible Oil of custom; which serves to catch tunes as bird-lime catches flies; and, being taken, one catches another. He dares intrude by virtue of his profes●…i on, not of his vocation: For he comes without calling: but he will neither prove a delight nor trouble to any man against his will: and therefore he begins thus; Will it please you to have any Music? If that Music rather please you, call for the Fiddler himself.   

CHARACT. XXVIII. An Executioner  
IS a husbandman; belonging to that great Lordship of the world a prison. He goes to cart commonly with us, in these quarters; and sometimes to harrows with a hurdle. he hath lawful reason to be lazy: for his harvest and seed time are at other men's appointment: malefactors are his grain; which sows itself in mischief; while he sleeps and dreams of no such matter: the sheriff his landlord appoints the time of reaping: the ground about the gallows is his garden plot: from whence he gathers. Hemp, Flax and woollen dressed ready to his hand. Upon that fruitful bough the gallows, he doth engrafted his medlars: when he gathers them he contents himself only with parings: for knowing that their inwards be good for nothing till they be rotten, he buries them in the ground, that they may ●…ipen & wax mellow: but he cannot look to enjoy them: for they be never fully ripe until the resurrection. The blood of ●…arles and Barons, are as a fruitful rain to him: for it betokens & begets his plenty. With sapless worm-eaten trunks of ●…ereticks, he makes a bonfire; to signify Gods gracious deliverance of our king and kingdom, from the like danger: and when the people's heads (like to the tops of trees) are ouerladen with sour fruit, he prunes their head▪ branches in the pillory. But when he pares away the top close to the trunk and body, it must be intended that the body and soul will flourish better within a while after. Villains turn hangmenn, as Serpents turn Dragons: a 
* Serpens n●…Serpentem come ederitnon fit Draco,  serpent eats a serpent, before it is made aDragon: and a villain hangs a villain before he may be called Hangman. He doth observe state in his action: for his place of presence is exceeding well hanged. The tailor cannot cousin him: his wardtobe affords choice of garments. He resembles the government of a notable tyrant▪ he looks to the bringing up of his favourites, and helps to their bringing down: he hath many dependent followers: for (as the proverb saith) hangman leads the dance: but he behaves himself towards them like a cruel master: for when they have once showed him a slippery trick, he pulls their cloth over their ears, & turns them out of service. He is one of the most dangerous ignorant people (except the Mayor and Aldermen) that keeps about corporations: there is no dealing with him under the prize of a broken joint▪ you may well think his weapons are unmerciful; for his Hangers are a deadly torment. He can dispatch and Execute past amendment: but the meaning of advise he knows no●… for who can tell me of a hangman that gives counsel? he was never so much in love with his trade as when the man preferred Tyburn before Burmuda: and I am half persuaded that if he had but a balladmakers poetry, he would sooner make an Epitaph for that friend to the gallows, than any prince in Christendom: till he turns poet he may be thus furnished.  

Here lies a wretch so loving to the rope,  
He chose it rather than Bermudas hope:  
I blush to think the fellow here remains,  
He was soworthy to be hanged in Chains.      

A Postscript.  
THe press hath, in stead of pressing faults to death, begotten many faults in spite of all my diligence: It shall be therefore the weakest part of thy judgement (reader) to discern the superfluity and defect of points, words, or letters. And for the few Latin quotations added in this last copy, it is left altogether to thy discretion, to think I meant to acknowledge every part of allusions: And to distinguish this from the learning which lies, in mother-tongue translations: But beware of trusting the margins; for they be shamefully corrupted by the printers negligence. Turn over to the sixth impression of S. Thomas Ouerburyes' wife; and you may find the mad-Dogs foam specified in my title sheet.  
FINIS.