THE ARRAIGNMENT OF LEWD, IDLE, FROward, and unconstant women: Or the vanity of them, choose you whether.  
With a Commendation of wise, virtuous and honest Women.  
Pleasant for married Men, profitable for young Men, and hurtful to none.  
LONDON  
Printed by George Purslowe for Thomas Archer, and are to be sold at his shop in Popes-head Palace, near the Royal Exchange. 1615.   

NEITHER TO THE BEST, NOR yet to the worst; but to the common sort of WOMEN.  
MVsing with myself being idle, and having little ease to pass the time withal; and I being in a great choler against some women, I mean more than one; And so in the ruff of my fury, taking my pen in hand to beguile the time withal; indeed I might have employed myself to better use, then in such an idle business, and better it were to pocket up a pelting injury, then to entangle myself with such vermin: for this I know, that because women are women, therefore many of them will do that in an hour, which they many times will repent all their whole life time after; yet for any injury which I have reccyved of them, the more I consider of it, the less I esteem of the same. Yet perhaps some may say unto me, that I have sought for honey, & caught the Bee by the tail, or that I have been bit or stung with some of these wasps, otherwise I could never have been expert in bewraying their qualities, for the mother would never have sought her daughter in the Oven, but that she was there herself. Indeed I must confess, I have been a traveler this thirty & odd years, and many travelers live in disdain of women; the reason is, for that their affections are so poisoned with the heinous evils of unconstant women, which they happen to be acquainted with in their travels: for it doth so cloy their stomachs, that they censure hardly of women ever afterwards: wronged men will not be tongue-tied: therefore if you do ill, you must not think to hear well; for although the world be bad, yet it is not come to that pass, that men should bear with all the bad conditions that are in some women.  
I know I shall be bitten by many, because I touch many: but before I go any further, let me whisper one word in your ears, and that is this; whatsoever you think privately, I wish you to conceal it with silence, lest in starting up to find fault, you prove yourselves guilty of these monstrous accusations, which are here following against some women: & those which spurn, if they feel themselves touched, prove themselves stark fools in bewraying their galled backs to the world: for this book toucheth no sort of women, but such as when they hear it, will go about to reprove it: for although in some part of this book, I trip at your heels, yet I will stay you by the hand, so that you shall not fall further than you are willing; although I deal with you after the manner of a shrew, which cannot otherwise ease her cursed heart but by her unhappy tongue: If I be too earnest, bear with me a little, for my meaning is not to speak much of those that are good, & I shall speak too little of those that are nought; but yet I will not altogether condemn the bad; but hoping to better the good by the naughty examples of the bad: for there is no woman so good, but hath one idle part or other in her which may be amended; for the clearest River that is, hath some dirt in the bottom: jewels are all precious, but yet they are not all of one price, nor all of one virtue: gold is not all of one picture, no more are women all of one disposition; women are all necessary evils, and yet not all given to wickedness, and yet many so bad, that in my conceit, if I should speak the worst that I know by some women, I should make their ears glow that hear me, and my tongue would blister to report it: but it is a great discredit for a man to be accounted for a scold, for scolding is the manner of shromes; therefore I had rather answer them with silence which find fault, then strive to win the Cucking-stool from them. Now me thinks I hear some curious Dames give their rash judgements, & say that I having no wit, descant upon women which have more wit than men. To answer you again, If I bely you, judge me unkind; but if I speak the truth I shall be the better believed another time: and if I had wrote never so well, it is unpossible to please all, and if never so ill, yet I shall please some. Let it be well or ill, I look for no praise for my labour; I am weaned from my mother's teat, and therefore never more to be fed with her pap: wherefore say what you will, for I will follow my own vein in unfolding every pleat, and showing every wrinkle of a woman's disposition, and yet I will not made so far over the shoes, but that I may return dry, nor so far in, but that I may easily escape out, and yet for all that, I must confess myself to be in a fault, and that I have offended you beyond satisfaction, for it is hard to give a sufficient recompense for a slander; and yet here after, if by no means I cannot obtain your favour to be one of your Pulpit-men, yet you cannot deny me to be one of your Parish; and therefore if you please but to place me in the body of the Church hereafter, you shall find my devotion so great towards you, as he that kneeleth at the Chancel door: for I wrote this book with my hand, but not with my heart.  
Indeed, when I first began to write this book, my wits were gone a woolgathering, in so much that in a manner forgetting myself, and so in the rough of my fury, I vowed for ever to be an open enemy unto women; but when my fury was a little past, I began to consider the blasphemy of this infamous book against your sects; I than took my pen, and cut him in twenty pieces, and had it not been for hurting myself, I would have cut my own fingers which held my pen: and furthermore for penance, I do crave that myself may be a judge against myself; but yet assure yourselves, of all evils I will choose the least; wherefore I choose rather to bear a faggot, then burn by the faggot; you may perceive the wind is changed into another door, and that I begin to be seasick, and yet not past half a mile on the salt water, and that my mouth hath uttered that in my fury, which my heart never thought, and therefore I confess that my tongue hath gone beyond my wits; for I do surmise, that the sauce which I have made, is too sharp for your diet, and the flowers which I have gathered, are too strong for your noses: but if I had brought little dogs from Iceland, or fine glasses from Venice, than I am sure that you would either have wooed me to have them, or wished to see them. But I will here conclude this first Epistle, praying you with patience to hear the rest: for if I offend you at the first, I will make you amends at the last: and so I leave you to him, whose seat is in Heaven, and whose footstool is the Earth.  
Yours in the way of Honesty, joseph Swetnam.   

To the Reader.  Read it, if you please, and like as you list: neither to the wisest Clerk, nor yet to the starkest Fool, but unto the ordinary sort of giddy-headed young men, I send this greeting. 
IF you mean to see the bearbaiting of women, then trudge to this Bear-garden apace, and get in betimes, and view every room where thou mayest best sit, for thy own pleasure, profit, and hearts ease, & bear with my rudeness, if I chance to offend thee. But before I do open this trunk full of torments against women, I think it were not amiss to resemble those which in old time did sacrifices to Hercules; for they used continually first to whip all their dogs out of their City; and I think it were not amiss to drive all the women out of my hearing, for doubt, lest this little spark kindle into such a flame, and raise so many stinging Hornets humming about my ears, that all the wit I have will not quench the one, nor quiet the other: for I fear me that I have set down more than they will like of, and yet a great deal less than they deserve: and for better proof, I refer myself to the judgement of men, which have more experience than myself; for I esteem little of the malice of women, for men will be persuaded with reason, but women must be answered with silence; for I know women will bark more at me, than Cerberus the two-headed dog did at Hercules, when he came into Hell to fetch out the fair Proserpina: and yet I charge them now but with a bulrush, in respect of a second book, which is almost ready: I do now but fret them with false fire, but my next charge shall be with weapons, and my alarm with powder and shot: for than we will go upon these venomous Adders, Serpents and Snakes, and tread and trample them under our feet; for I have known many stung with some of these Scorpions, and therefore I warn all men to beware the Scorpton. I know women will bite the lip at me and censure hardly of me, but I fear not the cursed Cow, for she commonly hath short horns; let them censure of me what they will, for I mean not to make them my judges, and if they shoot their spite at me, they may hit themselves, and so I will smile at them, as at the foolish Fly which burneth herself in the candle. And so friend Reader, if thou hast any discretion at all, thou mayest take a happy example by these most lascivious and crafty, whorish, thievish, & knavish women, which were the cause of this my idle time spending; and yet I have no warrant to make thee believe this which I write to be true, but yet the simple Bee gathereth honey where the venomous Spider doth her poison. And so I will hinder thee no longer from that which ensueth. But here I will conclude, lest thou hast cause to say, that my Epistles are longer than my book, a Book I hope I may call it without any offence: for the Collier calls his Horse a Horse, & the King's great Steed is but a Horse.  
If thou read but the beginning of a book, thou canst give no judgement of that which ensueth: therefore I say is the Friar, who in the midst of his Sermon said oft, that the best was behind: And so, if thou read it all over, thou shalt not be deluded, for the best is behind. I think I have shot so near the white that some will account me for a good Archer: And so praying thee to look to thy footing, that thou run not over thy shoes, and so be past recovery before my second book come.  
Thy friend, JOSEPH SWETNAM.   

CHAP. I.  
This first Chapter showeth to what use Women were made, it also showeth that most of them degenerate from the use they were framed unto, by leading a proud, lazy, and idle life, to the great hindrance of their poor Husbands.  
MOses describeth a Woman thus: At the first beginning (saith he) a woman was made to be a helper unto man, & so they are indeed: for she helpeth to spend and consume that which man painfully getteth. He also saith that they were made of the rib of a man, and that their froward nature showeth; for a rib is a crooked thing, good for nothing else, and women are crooked by nature: for small occasion will cause them to be angry.  
Again, in a manner, she was no sooner made, but straightway her mind was set upon mischief, for by her aspiring mind and wanton will, she quickly procured man's fall, and therefore ever since they are and have been a woe unto man, and follow the line of their first leader.  
For I pray you let us consider the times past, with the time present; first, that of David and Solomon, if they had occasion so many hundred years ago to exclaim so bitterly against women, for the one of them said, that it was better to be a doorkeeper, and better dwell in a den amongst Lions, then to be in the house with a froward and wicked woman: and the other said, that the climbing up of a sandy hill to an aged man was nothing so wearisome, as to be troubled with a froward woman: and further he saith, that the malice of a beast is not like the malice of a wicked woman, nor that there is nothing more dangerous than a woman in her fury.  
The Lion being bitten with hunger, the Bear being robbed of her young ones, the Viper being trod on, all these are nothing so terrible as the fury of a woman. A Buck may be enclosed in a Park, a bridle rules a horse, a Wolf may be tied, a Tiger may be tamed: but a froward woman will never be tamed, no spur will make her go, nor no bridle will hold her back; for if a woman hold an opinion, no man can draw her from it: tell her of her fault, she will not believe that she is in any fault: give her good counsel, but she will not take it; if you do but look after another woman, than she will be jealous, the more thou lovest her, the more she will disdain thee; and if thou threaten her, than she will be angry; flatter her, and then she will be proud; and if thou forbear her, it maketh her bold, and if thou chasten her, than she will turn to a Serpent; at a word, a woman will never forget an injury, nor give thanks for a good turn: what wise man then will exchange gold for dross, pleasure for pain, a quiet life, for wrangling brawls, from the which the married men are never free?  
Solomon saith, that women are like unto wine, for that they will make men drunk with their devices.  
Again, in their love a woman is compared to a pommis-stone, for which way soever you turn a pommis stone, it is full of holes; even so are women's hearts, for if love steal in at one hole, it steppeth out at another.  
They are also compared unto a painted ship, which seemeth fair outwardly, & yet nothing but ballast within her; or as the Idols in Spain, which are bravely gilded outwardly, and yet nothing but lead within them; or like unto the Sea, which at some times is so calm, that a cockbote may safely endure her might, but anon again with outrage she is so grown, that it overwhelmeth the tallest ship that is.  
A froward woman is compared to the wind, and a still woman unto the Sun: for the Sun and the wind met a traveler upon the way, and they laid a wager, which of them should get his cloak from him first; then first the wind began boisterously to blow, but the more the wind did blow, the more the traveler wrapped and gathered his cloak about him; now when the wind had done what he could, and was never the nearer, than began the Sun gently to shine upon him, and he threw off, not only his cloak, but also his hat and jerkin: this moral showeth, that a woman with high words can get nothing at the hands of her husband, never by froward means, but by gentle and fair means she may get his heart-blood to do her good.  
As women are compared unto many things, even so many, and many more troubles cometh galloping after the heels of a woman, that young men beforehand do not think of; for the world is not made all of otemeale, nor all is not gold that glistereth, nor the way to Heaven is not strewed with rushes, no more is the cradle of ease in a woman's lap. If thou wert a Servant or in bondage before, yet when thou dost marry, thy toil is never the nearer ended, for even then and not before, thou dost change thy golden time for a drop of honey, which presently afterwards turneth to be as bitter as wormwood.  
Yet there are many young men which cudgel their wits, and beat their brains, and spend all their time in the love of women, and if they get a smile or but a favour at their loves hand, they straightway are so ravished with joy, yea so much, that they think they have gotten God by the hand, but within a while after they will find that they have but the Devil by the foot. A man may generally speak of women, that for the most part thou shalt find them dissembling in their deeds, and in all their actions subtle and dangerous for men to deal withal: for their faces are lures, their beauties are baits, their looks are nets, and their words charms, and all to bring men to ruin.  
There is an old saying goeth thus, that he which hath a fair wife, and a white horse, shall never be without troubles; for a woman that hath a fair face, it is ever matched with a cruel heart, and her heavenly looks with hellish thoughts; their modest countenance with merciless minds, for women can both smooth and soothe: they are so cunning in the art of flattery, as if they had been bound apprentice to the trade, they have Sirens songs to allure thee, and Xerxes cunning to enchant thee: they bear two tongues in one mouth like judas, and two hearts in one breast like Magus; the one full of smiles, and the other full of frowns, and all to deceive the simple and plain meaning men, they can with the Satire out of one mouth blow both hot and cold.  
And what of all this? why nothing, but to tell thee that a woman is better lost then found, better forsaken then taken. Saint Paul saith, that they which marry, do well, but he also saith, that they which marry not, do better: and he no doubt was well advised what he spoke. Then, if thou be wise, keep thy head out of the halter, and take heed before thou have cause to curse thy hard pennyworth, or wish the Priest speechless which knit the knot.  
The Philosophers which lived in the old time, their opinions were so hard of marriage, that they never delighted therein, for one of them being asked why he married not? he answered, that it was too soon; and afterwards when he was old, he was asked the same question; and he said then that it was too late: and further he said, that a married man hath but two good days to be looked for, that was the marriage day, and the day of his wives death: for a woman will feed thee with honey, and poison thee with gall. Diogenes was so dogged, that he abhorred all women, and Augustus wished, that he had lived wifeless, and died childless.  
On a time one asked Socrates, whether he were better to marry, or to live single? and he made answer; which soever thou dost, it will repent thee: for if thou marriest not, than thou wilt live discontented, and die without issue, and so perhaps a stranger shall possess thy goods: and if thou dost marry, thou shalt have continual vexations, her dowry will be often cast in thy dish, if she do bring wealth with her: again, if she complain, than her kinsfolk will bend the brows, and her mother will speak her pleasure by thee: and if thou marriest only for fair looks, yet thou mayest hap to go without them, when thou lookest for them: and if thou marriest one that is fruitful in bearing of children, then will thy care be the more increased; for little doth the father know what shall be the end of his children: and if she be barren, thou wilt loathe her; and if honest, thou wilt fear her death; and if unhonest, thou wilt be weary of thy life: for when thou hast her, thou must support her in all her bad actions, and that will be such a perpetual burden unto thee, that thou hadst even as good draw water continually, to fill a bottomless tub.  
A Gentleman on a time said to his friend, I can help you to a good marriage for your son: his friend made him this answer; My son (said he) shall stay till he have more wit; the Gentleman replied again: saying, If you marry him not before he hath wit, he will never marry so long as he liveth.  
For a married man is like unto one arrested, and I think that many a man would fly up into Heaven, if this arrest of marriage kept them not back. It is said of one named Domett as that he buried three wives, and yet never wet one handkerchief, no not shed not so much as one tear: also Ulysses, he had a Dog which loved him well, and when that Dog died, he wept bitterly, but he never shed one tear when his Wife died: wherefore if thou marriest without respect, but only for bare love, than thou wilt afterwards with sorrow say, that there is more belongs to housekeeping then four bare legs in a bed. A man cannot live with his hands in his bosom, nor buy meat in the market for honesty without money: where there is nothing but bare walls, it is a fit house to breed beggars into the world: yet there are many which think when they are married, that they may live by love: but if wealth be wanting, hot love will soon be cold, and your hot desires will be soon quenched with the smoke of poverty. To what end then should we live in love, seeing it is a life more to be feared then death? for all thy money wastes in toys, and is spent in banqueting, and all thy time in sighs and sobs, to think upon thy trouble and charge which commonly cometh with a wife: for commonly women are proud without profit, and that is a good purgation for thy purse; and when thy purse is light, then will thy heart be heavy.  
The pride of a woman is like the dropsy; for as drink increaseth the drought of the one, even so money enlargeth the pride of the other: thy purse must be alway open to feed their fancy, and so thy expenses will be great, and yet perhaps thy gettings small: thy house must be stored with costly stuff, and yet perhaps thy Servants starved for lack of meat: thou must discharge the Mercer's book, and pay the Haberdasher's man; for her Hat must continually be of the new fashion, & her Gown of finer wool than the sheep beareth any: she must likewise have her jewell-box furnished, especially if she be beautiful; for then commonly beauty and pride goeth together, and a beautiful woman is for the most part costly, and no good housewife; and if she be a good housewife, than no servant will abide her fierce cruelty; and if she be honest and chaste, then commonly she is jealous: a King's crown and a fair woman is desired of many.  
But he that getteth either of them, liveth in great troubles and hazard of his life: he that getteth a fair woman is like unto a Prisoner loaden with fetters of gold: for thou shalt not so oft kiss the sweet lips of thy beautiful wife, as thou shalt be driven to fetch bitter sighs from thy sorrowful heart, in thinking of the charge which cometh by her for if thou deny her of such toys as she stands not in need of, and yet is desirous of them, than she will quickly shut thee out of the doors of her favour, & deny thee her person, and show herself as it were at a window playing upon thee, not with small shot, but with a cruel tongue she will ring thee such a peal, that one would think the Devil were come from Hell, saying, I might have had those which would have maintained me like a woman, whereas now I go like nobody: but I will be maintained if thou wert hanged: with such like words she will vex thee, blubbering forth abundance of dissembling tears (for women do teach their eyes to weep) for do but cross a woman, although it be never so little, she will straightway put finger in the eye and cry: then presently many a foolish man will flatter her and entreat her to be quiet: but that mars all, for the more she is entreated, she will power forth the more abundance of deceitful tears, and therefore no more to be pitied, then to see a Goose go barefoot; for they have tears at command, so have they words at will, and oaths at pleasure; for they make as much account of an oath, as a Merchant doth, which will forswear himself for the getting of a penny. I never yet knew woman that would deny to swear in defence of her own honesty, and always standing highly upon it, although she be ashamed to wear it in winter for catching of cold, nor in summer for heat, fearing lest it may melt away.  
Many will say, this which I write is true, and yet they cannot beware of the Devil, until they are plagued with his Dam; the little Lamb skips and leaps till the Fox come, but then he quivers and shakes: the Bear dances at the stake, till the Dogs be upon his back: and some men never fear their money, until they come into the hands of thieves; even so some will never be warned, and therefore us not to be pitied if they be harmed: what are women, that make thee so greedily to gape after them? Indeed, some their faces are fairer and beautifuller than others, some again stand highly upon their fine foot and hand, or else all women are alike: jone is as good as my Lady, according to the Country man's Proverb, who gave a great sum of money to lie with a Lady, and going homewards, he made a grievous moan for his money, and one being on the other side the hedge heard him say, that his jone at home was as good as the Lady. But whether this be true or no, myself I do not know, but you have it as I heard it.  
If thou marriest a woman of evil report, her discredit will be a spot in thy brow, thou canst not go in the street with her without mocks, nor amongst thy neighbours without frumps, and commonly the fairest women are soon enticed to yield unto vanity: he that hath a fair wife and a whetstone, every one will be whetting thereon; and a Castle is hard to keep when it is assaulted by many, and fair women are commonly catched at: he that marrieth a fair woman, every one will wish his death to enjoy her; and if thou be never so rich, and yet but a Clown in condition, then will thy fair Wife have her credit to please her fancy, for a Diamond hath not his grace but in gold, no more hath a fair woman her full commendations but in the ornament of her bravery, by which means there are divers women, whose beauty hath brought their husbands into great poverty and discredit by their pride and whoredom: a fair woman commonly will go like a Peacock, and her Husband must go like a Woodcock.  
That great Giant Pamphimapho, who had Bears waiting upon him like Dogs, and he could make tame any wild beast, yet a wanton woman he could never rule nor turn to his will.  
Solomon was the wisest Prince that ever was, yet he lusted after so many women, that they made him quickly forsake his God which did always guide his steps, so long as he lived godly.  
And was not David the best beloved of God, and a mighty Prince? yet for the love of women he purchased the displeasure of his God Samson was the strongest man that ever was; for every lock of his head was the strength of another man, yet by a woman he was overcome; he revealed his strength, and paid his life for that folly. Did not jesabel for her wicked lust cause her husband's blood to be given to dogs?  
jobs wife gave her husband counsel to blaspheme God and to curse him.  
Agamemnon's wife for a small injury that her husband did her, she first committed adultery, and afterwards consented to his death.  
Also the wife of Hercules, she gave her husband a poisoned shirt, which was no sooner on his back, but did stick so fast, that when he would have plucked it off, it tore the flesh with it.  
If thou wilt avoid these evils, thou must with Ulysses bind thyself to the mast of the ship, as he did, or else it would have cost him his life; for otherwise the Syrenian women would have enticed him into the Sea, if he had not so done.  
It is wonderful to see the mad feats of women, for she will be now merry, then again sad; now laugh, then weep; now sick, then presently whole; all things which like not them, are nought: and if it be never so bad, if it like them, it is excellent: again, it is death for women to be denied the thing which they demand: and yet they will despise things given them unasked.  
When a woman wanteth any thing, she will flatter and speak fair, not much unlike the flattering Butcher, who gently claweth the Ox, when he intendeth to knock him on the head: but the thing being once obtained, and their desires gained, than they will begin to look big, and answer so stately, and speak so scornfully, that one would imagine they would never seek help, nor crave comfort at thy hands any more. But a woman is compared unto a ship, which being never so well rigged, yet one thing or other is to be amended: even so give a woman all that she can demand to day, yet she will be out of reparations to morrow; and want one thing or other.  
Women are called night Crows, for that commonly in the night they will make request for such toys as cometh in their heads in the day: for women know their time to work their craft, for in the night they will work a man like wax, and draw him like as the Adamant doth the Iron, and having once brought him to the bent of their bow, than she makes request for a Gown of the new fashion stuff: or for a Petticoat of the finest stammel: or for a Hat of the newest fashion. Her husband being overcome by her flattering speech, partly he yieldeth to her request, although it be a grief to him for that he can hardly spare it out of his stock, yet for quietness sake, he doth promise what she demandeth, partly because he would sleep quietly in his bed: again every married man knows this, that a woman will never be quiet, if her mind be set upon a thing, till she have it.  
Now, if thou drive her off with delays, than her forehead will be so full of frowns, as if she threatened to make clubs trump, and thou never a black card in thy hand: for except a woman have what she will, say what she list, and go where she please, otherwise thy house will be so full of smoke, that thou canst not stay in it.  
It is said, that an old dog and a hungry flea bite sore; but in my mind, a froward woman biteth more sorer; and if thou go about to master a woman, in hope to bring her to humility; there is no way to make her good with stripes, except thou beat her to death: for do what thou wilt, yet a froward woman in her frantic mood will pull, haul, swerver, scratch and tear all that stands in her way.  
What wilt thou that I say more, oh thou poor married man? If women do not feel the rain, yet here is a shower coming which will wet them to the skins: A woman which is fair in show, is foul in condition: she is like unto a glow-worm, which is bright in the hedge, and black in the hand; in the greenest grass lyethhid the greatest Serpents: painted pots commonly hold deadly poison: and in the clearest water the ugliest Toad; and the fairest woman hath some filthiness in her.  
All is not gold that glistereth: a smiling countenance is no certain testimonial of a merry heart, nor costly garments of a rich purse: men do not commend a judge, for that he weareth a Scarlet gown, but for his just dealing; no more are women to be esteemed of by the ornament of their bravery, but for their good behaviour; yet there is no river so clear, but there is some dirt in the bottom: But many a man in this land, we need not go any further for examples, but here we may see many fools in every place snared in women's nets, after a little familiarity and acquaintance with them: I think if they were numbered, the number would pass infinite, if it were possible, which for the love of wantoness have lost their voyages at Sea to their great hindrances, and many other have never regarded the far distance which they have been from their country and friends, until they had consumed their substance, and then being ashamed to return home again in such bad sort, I mean, by weeping cross, and penniless bench, many of them rather choose to deserve Newgate, and so come to Tyburn, far contrary from the expectation of their friends and Parents, which had otherwise provided for them, if they had had grace, or would have been ruled.   

CHAP. II.  
The second Chapter showeth the manner of such Women as live upon evil report: It also showeth that the beauty of Women hath been the bane of many a man, for it hath overcome valiant and strong men, eloquent and subtle men. And in a word, it hath overcome all men, as by examples following shall appear.  
FIrst, that of Solomon, unto whom God gave singular wit and wisdom, yet he loved so many women, that he quite forgot his God, which always did guide his steps, so long as he lived godly, and ruled justly: but after he had glutted himself with women, than he could say; vanity of vanities, all is but vanity: he also in many places of his book of Proverbs exclaims most bitterly against lewd women, calling them all that nought is, and also displayeth their properties: and yet I cannot let them go blameless, although women go shameless; but I will touch them both: for if there were not receivers, than there would not be so many stealers: if there were not some knaves, there would not be so many whores; for they both hold together to bolster each others villainy: for always birds of a feather will flock together hand in hand, to bolster each others villainy. Men I say may live without women, but women cannot live without men: For Venus whose beauty was excellent fair, yet when she needed man's help, she took Vulcan a club-footed-Smith. And therefore if a woman's face glister, and her gesture pierce the Marble wall, or if her tongue be so smooth as oil, or so soft as silk, and her words so sweet as honey: or if she were a very Ape for wit, or a bag of gold for wealth: or if her parsonage have stolen away all that nature can afford, and if she be decked up in gorgeous apparel, than a thousand to one but she will love to walk where she may get acquaintance; and acquaintance bringeth familiarity, and familiarity setteth all follies abroach: and twenty to one that if a woman love gadding, but that she will pawn her honesty, to please her fantasy.  
Man must be at all the cost, and yet live by the loss; a man must take all the pains, and women will spend all the gains: a man must watch and ward, fight and defend, till the ground, labour in the vineyard; and look what he getteth in seven years, a woman will spread it abroad with a fork in one year, and yet little enough to serve her turn, but a great deal too little to get her good will: nay, if thou give her never so much, and yet if thy parsonage please not her humour, then will I not give a halfpenny for her honesty at the years end.  
For than her breast will be the harbourer of an envious heart, and her heart the storehouse of poisoned hatred, her head will devise villainy, and her hands are ready to practise that which her heart desireth. Then, who can but say that women sprung from the Devil, whose heads, hands, hearts, minds and souls are evil? for women are called the hook of all evil, because men are taken by them, as fish is taken with the hook.  
For women have a thousand ways to entice thee, and ten thousand ways to deceive thee, and all such fools as are suitors unto them: some they keep in hand with promises, and some they feed with flattery, and some they delay with dalliances, and some they please with kisses: they lay out the folds of their hair, to entangle men into their love; betwixt their breasts is the vale of destruction, and in their beds there is hell, sorrow & repentance. Eagles eat not men till they are dead, but women devour them alive: for a woman will pick thy pocket, and empty thy purse, laugh in thy face and cut thy throat: they are ungrateful, perjured, full of fraud, flouting and deceit, unconstant, waspish, toyish, light, sullen, proud, discourteous and cruel, and yet they were by God created, and by nature form, and therefore by policy and wisdom to be avoided; for good things abused, are to be refused, or else for a months pleasure she may hap to make thee go stark naked, she will give thee roast-meat, but she will beat thee with the spit: if thou hast crowns in thy purse, she will be thy heart's gold, until she leave thee not a whit of white money: they are like summer birds, for they will abide no storm, but flock about thee in the pride of thy glory, and fly from thee in the storms of affliction; for they aim more at thy wealth, then at thy person, and esteem more thy money, than any man's virtuous qualities for they esteem of a man without money, as a horse doth of a fair stable without meat, they are like Eagles, which will always fly where the carrion is.  
They will play the horseleech to suck away thy wealth, but in the winter of thy misery she will fly away from thee. Not unlike the Swallow, which in the summer harboureth herself under the eves of an house, and against winter flieth away, leaving nothing but dirt behind her.  
Solomon saith, he that will suffer himself to be led away, or take delight in such women's company, is like a fool which rejoiceth when he is led to the stocks, Pro. 7.  
Hosea, by marriage with a lewd woman of light behaviour, was brought unto idolatry, Hosea 1. Saint Paul accounteth fornicators so odious, that we ought not to eat meat with them; he also showeth that fornicators shall not inherit the kingdom of Heaven, 1. Corin. the 9 and 11. verse.  
And in the same chapter Saint Paul excommunicateth fornicators, but upon amendment he receiveth them again. Whoredom punished with death, Deuteronomy 22. 21. and Genesis 38. 24. Phinehas a Priest thrust two adulterers, both the man and the woman, thorough the belly with a spear, Numbers 25.  
God detesteth the money or goods gotten by whoredom, Deuteronomy 23. 17. 18. Whores called by divers names, and the properties of whores, Proverbs 7. 6. and 2. A whore envieth an honest woman, Esdras 16. and 42. Whoremongers God will judge, Hebrews 13. and 42. They shall have their portions with the wicked in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone, Rcuelation the 21. 8.  
Only for the sin of whoredom God was sorry at the heart, and repented that ever he made man, Genesis 6. 67.  
Saint Paul saith, to avoid fornication, every man may take a wife, 1. Corinthians the 7. 2.  
Therefore he which hath a wife of his own, and yet goeth to another woman, is like a rich thief, which will steal when he hath no need.  
There are three ways to know a whore: by her wanton looks, by her speech, and by her gate, Ecclesiasticus 26. and in the same chapter he saith, that we must not give our strength unto harlots; for whores are the evil of all evils, and the vanity of all vanities, they weaken the strength of a man, and deprive the body of his beauty; it furroweth his brows, and maketh the eyes dim; and a whorish woman causeth the fever and the gout: and at a word, they are a great shortening to a man's life.  
For although they seem to be so dainty as sweet meat, yet in trial not so wholesome as sour sauce: they have wit, but it is all in craft; if they love, it is vehement; but if they hate, it is deadly.  
Plato saith, that women are either Angels or Devils, and that they either love dearly, or hate bitterly; for a woman hath no mean in her love, nor mercy in her hate; no pity in revenge, nor patience in her anger; therefore it is said, that there is nothing in the world which both pleaseth and displeaseth a man more than a woman for a woman most delighteth a man, and yet most deceiveth him; for as there is nothing more sweet unto a man then a woman when she smileth: even so there is nothing more odious than the angry countenance of a woman.  
Solomon in his 20. of Ecclesiastes saith, that an angry woman will foam at the mouth like a Boar: if all this be true as most true it is, why shouldest thou spend one hour in the praise of women, as some fools do? for some will brag of the beauty of such a maid; another will vaunt of the bravery of such a woman, that she goeth beyond all the women in the parish: again, some study their fine wits, how they may cunningly soothe women, and with Logic how to reason with them, and with eloquence to persuade them; they are always tempering their wits, as Fiddlers do their strings, who wrest them so high, that many times they-stretch them beyond time, tune, and reason.  
Again, there are many that weary themselves with dallying, playing and sporting with women, and yet they are never satisfied with the unsatiable desire of them; if with a song thou wouldst be brought asleep, or with a dance be led to delight, than a fair woman is fit for thy diet: if thy head be in her lap, she will make thee believe that thou art hard by God's seat, when indeed thou artiust at hell gate.  
Theodora a monstrous strumpet, on a time made her brags to Socrates of the great haunt of lusty Gallants which came to her house, and furthermore she told him, that she could get away more of his Scholars from him, than he could of hers from her.  
No marvel (quoth Socrates) for thy ways seem pleasant and easy, and that is the way youth loves to walk in; but the way that leadeth to a virtuous life, seemeth full of brambles and briars: and to match with this, there is an history that makes mention of three notable Curtizanes, whose names were Lavia, Flora, and Lays: Lavia and Lays were homo, common to all men, they would play at small game, rather than sit out; these three Strumpets during their life time, were the beautifullest and richest of that trade in the world, and had three several gifts whereby they alured their Lovers to seek their favours.  
The Engine wherewith Lavia entrapped her Lovers, proceeded from her eyes; for by her smiling countenance, and wanton looks, she greatly inflamed all that beheld her. And Flora won her Lovers by her excellent wit and eloquent tongue. And Lays enticed her Lovers by her sweet singing and pleasant fingering of Instruments of music.  
But now again to Lavia, King Demetrius gave but a glance of his eyes suddenly upon her, and was taken presently with her net, and spent eleven talents of silver upon her, which he had provided and appointed to pay his soldiers; and furthermore, he quite forsook his own wife, and never left the company of this Strumpet, until death took her from him; and after she was dead, he made great moan for her death; he also kissed and embraced her, and caused her to be buried under his window; that so often as he did see her grave, he might bewail her death.  
Lays likewise had a King, whose name was Pyrrhus, which was her chief friend, but yet he served but as it were for a cloak; for he continued not very long with her in Greece, but went himself to the wars in Italy; but in his absence she was not only sought to, but obtained of many, and set down her price, that before she would do her work, she would have her money.  
Now to Flora, she was a King's daughter, her parents died when she was of the age of fifteen years, and she was left as rich as beautiful, she had the bridle of liberty thrown on her neck, so that she might run whither she would; for she was left without controlment, so that suddenly she determined to travel and see the wars of Africa, where she made sale both of her parsonage and honour.  
King Menelaus was the first that made love unto her, as he was marching to the wars of Carthage, and spent more money upon her, then in conquering his enemies.  
But as she was of noble race, so it is said, that she never gave herself over to mean or petty company, as the other two did; but she had a scroll set over her gate, the tenor whereof was thus, King, Prince, Emperor or Bishop, enter this place and welcome: neither was this Flora so greedy of gold, as the other two were; for on a time one of her familiar friends asked her the cause, why she did not make price of her love? she made this answer, I commit my body to none but to Princes and Noblemen, and I swear there was never man gave me so little, but that I had more than I would have asked, or that I looked for; and furthermore she said, that a noble woman ought not to make price of her love: all things are at a certain rate, except Love, and that a woman of great beauty should be so much esteemed of, as she esteems of herself. She died at the age of forty years, and the wealth she left behind her in Rome, was valued to be so much as would have builded new walls round about the City, if there had been no walls at all.  
Was not that noble City of Troy sacked and spoiled for the fair Helena? and when it had cost many men's lives, and much blood was shed, & when they had got the conquest, they got but a harlot: by this and that which followeth, thou shalt see the power of women, how it hath been so great, and more prevailed in bewitching men's wits, and in overcoming their senses, than all other things whatsoever. It hath not only vanquished Kings and Kaiser's, but it hath also surprised castles & countries, nay, what is it that a woman cannot do, which knows her power?  
Therefore stay not alone in the company of a woman, trusting to thy own chastity, except thou be more stronger than Samson, more wise than Solomon, or more holy than David; for these and many more have been overcome by the sweet enticements of women, as thou shalt read hereafter.  
It is said, that the Gods themselves did change their shapes, for the love of such women as they lusted after: jupiter, he transformed himself into a Bull, Neptune into a Horse, and Mercury into a Goat.  
Aristippus desired sweet meat for his belly, and a fair woman for his bed.  
But in my mind, he that lays his net to catch a fair woman, he may chance to fall into the spring which was laid for a woodcock: therefore I do admonish young men, and I advise old men, and I counsel simple men, and I warn all men, that they fly from a wicked woman, as from the pestilence, or else they will make thee fly in the end.  
Aristotle, for keeping company with a quean in Athens, was fain to run away, to save himself from punishment; and yet he had dwelled there, and wrote many books for the space of thirty years.  
Again of Samson & Hercules for all their great strength and conquest of Giants and monsters, yet the one yielded his club at Diaver as foot, and the other revealed his strength to Dalila, and he paid his life for his folly.  
The sugared and renowned Orators Demosthenes and Hortentius, the one came from Athens unto Corinth, to compound and agree with Lays a common Strumpet as you heard before of her, and yet he had but one night's lodging with her. And the other was so far in love with another bird of the same cage, the which he could not obtain, nor yet could he conquer his affection, until he had quite pined himself away, so that in short time he had wasted himself to nothing.  
Plato, for all his great Philosophy and knowledge, yet he kept company with Archenasse when she was old, and forsaken of all her Lovers; for she had given herself to a number in her youth, yet nevertheless Plato so loved her, that he wrote many verses in commendation of her.  
Also Socrates for his gravity and wisdom is renowned throughout all the world, yet he most dearly loved Alpasy, an old and overworn Strumpet.  
love stayed King Antiochus in Calcidea a whole winter, for one maid that he fancied there, to his great hindrance.  
love stayed King Hannibal in Capua a long season, laying all other his necessary affairs aside, the which was no small hindrance to him; for in the mean while his enemies invaded a great part of his Country.  
Likewise julius Caesar, he continued in Alexandria a long season, not for the love of one, but he lusted after many, to his great infamy and disgrace.  
That great Captain Holofernes, whose sight made many thousands to quake, yet he lost his life, and was slain by a woman.  
Was not Herod's love so great to a woman, that he caused john Baptist to lose his head for her sake?  
Wherefore to avoid the sight, many times is the best razor, to cut off the occasion of the evil which cometh by women; For had not Holofernes seen the beauty of judeth, and marked the fineness of her foot, he had not lost his head by her. If Herod had not seen Herodias daughter dance, he had not so rashly granted her Saint john Baptists head. Had not Eva seen the Apple, and also she was tempted with the beauty of the Serpent, who as our Schoolmen do write, that he showed himself like a fair young man; but had not she seen it, I say, she had not eaten thereof, to her own grief and many more. By sight the wife of Putiphar was moved to lust after her servant joseph. It is said of Semir amiss of Babylon, that after her husband's death, she waxed so unsatiable in carnal lust, that two men at one time could not satisfy her desire, and so by her unsatiableness, at length all Persia grew full of whores.  
And likewise of one Venise a strumpet in Cyprus it is supposed, that by her fame and ill life, she caused all Cypress at length to be full of queans.  
And of one fair Rodape in Egypt, who was the first noted woman in that Country, but at length all the whole country became full of Strumpets.  
Is it not strange, that the seed of one man should breed such woe unto all men?  
One said unto his friend, Come, let us go see a pretty wench. The other made this answer; I have (said he) shaken such fetters from my heels, and I will never go where I know I shall repent afterwards: but yet happily some may say unto me, If thou shouldest refuse the company or the courtesy of a woman, than she would account thee a soft-spirited fool, a milksop, & a meacock.  
But alas fond fool, wilt thou more regard their babble, than thine own bliss, or esteem more their frumps, than thine own welfare? dost thou not know that women always strive against wisdom, although many times it be to their utter overthrow? Like the Bee which is often hurt with her own honey: even so women are often plagued with their own conceit, weighing down love with discourtesy, giving him a weed, which presents them with flowers: as their catching in jest, and their keeping in earnest, and yet she thinks that she keeps herself blameless, and in all ill vices she would go nameesse, but if she carry it never so clean, yet in the end she will be counted but for a coney-catching quean; and yet she will swear that she will thrive, as long as she can find one man alive: for she thinks to do all her knavery invisible; she will have a fig leaf to cover her name: but when the fig leaf is dry and withered, it doth show their nakedness to the world: for take away their painted clothes, and then they look like ragged walls: take away their ruffs, and they look ruggedly: their coifs and stomachers, and they are simple to behold: their hair untrust, and they look wildly; and yet there are many which lays their nets to catch a pretty woman, but he which getteth such a prize, gains nothing by his adventure, but shame to the body, and danger to the soul; for the heat of the young blood of these wantoness, leads many unto destruction for this world's pleasure. It chants your minds, and infeebleth your bodies with diseases, it also scandalleth your good names, but most of all, it endangereth your souls; how can it otherwise choose, when lust and uncleanness continually keep them company, gluttony and sloth serveth them at the table; pride and vainglory appareleth them; but these servants will wax weary of their service, and in the end they shall have no other servants to attend them, but only shame, grief and repentance; but then, oh then (you will say) when it is too late, Oh would to God that we had been more careful of true glorious modesty, and less cunning to keep wantoness company! Oh therefore remember, and think beforehand, that every sweet hath his sour: then buy not with a drop of honey a gallon of gall; do not think that this world's pleasure will pass away with a trifle, and that no sooner done, but presently forgotten: No, no, answer yourselves that the punishment remaineth eternally, and therefore better it were to be an addle egg, than an evil bird. For we are not borne for ourselves to live at pleasure, but to take pains, and to labour for the good of our Country, yet so delightful is our present sweetness, that we never remember the following sour: for youth are too too easy won and overcome with the world's vanities: Oh too soon (I say) is youth in the blossoms devoured with the caterpillars offoule lust, and lascivious desires, the black Fiend of Hell, by his enticing sweet sin of lust, draws many young wits to confusion; for in time it draws the heart blood of your good names; and that being once lost, is never gotten again.  
Again, Lust causeth you to do such foul deeds which makes your foreheads for ever afterwards seem spotted with black shame, and everlasting infamy, by which means, your graves after death are closed up with times scandal. And yet Women are easily wooed, and soon won, got with an apple, and lost with the paring: young wits are soon corrupted, women's bright beauties breed curious thoughts; and golden gifts easily overcome wanton desires, with changing modesty into pastimes of vanity, and being once delighted therein, continues in the same without repentance: you are only the people's wonder, and misfortunes banding ball tossed up & down the world with woe upon woe, yea ten thousand woes will be galloping hard at your heels, and pursue you wheresoever you go; for those of ill report cannot stay long in one place, but room and wander about the world, and yet ever unfortunate, prospering in nothing, forsaken and cast out from all civil companies, still in fear lest authority with the sword of justice, bar them of liberty. Lo thus your lives are despised, walking like night-Owles in misery, and no comfort shall be your friend, but only repentance coming too late, and over-deare bought: A penance and punishment, due to all such hated creatures as these are.  
Therefore believe, all you unmarried wantoness, and in believing grieve, that you have thus unluckily made yourselves neither maidens, widows, nor wives, but more vile than filthy channell-durt, fit to be swept out of the heart and suburbs of your Country. Oh then suffer not this world's pleasure to take from you the good thoughts of an honest life: But down, down upon your knees, you earthly Serpents, and wash away your black sin with the crystal tears of true sorrow and repentance, so that when you wander from this enticing world, you may be washed and cleansed from this foul leprosy of nature.  
Lo thus in remorse of mind my tongue hath uttered to the wantoness of the world, the abundance of my heart's grief, which I have perceived by the unseemly behaviour of unconstant both men and women, yet men for the most part are touched but with one fault, which is drinking too much: but it is said of women, that they have two faults, that is, they can neither say well, nor yet do well.  
For commonly, women are the most part of the forenoon painting themselves, and frizling their hairs, and prying in their glass, like Apes to prank up themselves in their gawdies; like Poppets, or like the Spider which weaves a fine web to hang the fly. Amongst women she is accounted a slut which goeth not in her silks: therefore if thou wilt please thy Lady, thou must like and love, sue and serve, and in spending thou must lay on load; for they must have maintenance howsoever they get it, by hook or by crook, out of judas bag, or the devils budget, thou must spare neither lands nor living, money nor gold.  
For women will account thee a pinch-penny, if thou be not prodigal, and a dastard, if thou be not venturous for they account none valiant, except they be desperate if silent, a sot; if full of words, a fool; judging all to be Clowns which be not Courtiers. If thou be cleanly in thine apparel, they will term thee proud; if mean in apparel, a sloven; if tall, a lungs; if short, a dwarf: for they have ripe wits, and ready tongues, and if they get a inch, they will claim an ell: she will college thee about thy neck with one hand, but the other shall be diving into thy pocket, and if thou take her with the manner, than was but in least, but many times they take in jest (and if they be not spied) keep it in earnest: but if thy pockets grow empty, and thy revenues will not hold out longer to maintain her pomp and bravery, than she presently leaves to make much of thy person, and will not stick to say unto thee, that she could have bestowed her love on such a one as would have maintained her like a woman, so by these means they weave the web of their own woe, and spin the thread of their own thraldom; if they lack they will lack at the last, for they will cut it out of the whole cloth so long as the piece will hold out.  
Is not the Bee hived for his honey, the Sheep sheared for his fleece, the Ox neck wrought for his master's profit, the fowl plucked for her feathers, the tree grafted to bring forth fruit, and the earth laboured to bring forth corn? but what labour or cost thou bestowest on a woman, is all cast away, for she will yield thee no profit at all, for when thou hast done all, and given them all that they can demand, yet thou shalt be as well rewarded, as those men were whom Aesop hired for three halfpence a day to hear him recite his fables. These things being wisely considered, than what a fool art thou to blind thyself in their bold behaviour, and bow at their becks, and come at their calls, and sell thy lands, to make them swim in their silks, and jet in their jewels, making jill a Gentlewoman, insomuch that she careth not a penny for the finest, nor a fig for the proudest? she is as good as the best, although she have no more honesty then barely to serve her own turn, suffering every man's fingers as deep in the dish, as thine are in the platter, and every man to angle, where thou castest thy hook, holding up to all that come, not much unlike a Barber's chair, that so soon as one knave is out, another is in, a common hackney for every one that will ride, a boat for every one to row in: now if thy wealth do begin to fail, than she biddeth thee farewell, and giveth thee the adieu in the devils name, not much unlike the knavish Porters in Bristol, who will cry, A new master, a new, and hang up the old. If the matter be so plain, then consider this, that the house where such a one keepeth her residence, is moreodious with slander, than carrion doth infect the air with stink; let them flatter how they will, there is no love in them, but from the teeth outward. I blaze their properties the plainer, and give thee the stronger reasons, because I would have thee loath the alluring trains of such deceitful and lascivious women: although she make great protestations of love, and thereto bindeth herself with most damnable oaths, then believe her least of all, for there is no more hold in her oaths, nor in her love, then is certainly of a fair day in April, although it look never so clear, yet it may turn to a foul. I have seen a Courtesan thus pictured out:  
First, a fair young man blind, and in his arms a beautiful woman, with one hand in his pocket, showing her theft, and a knife in the other hand to cut his throat.  
Now peradventure, thou mayst say unto that, thou dost not know one woman from another, without some trial, because all women are in shape alike: for the sour crab is like the sweet pippin: true it is, so the Raven is a bird, and the Swan is but a bird: even so many women are in shape Angels, but in qualities Devils, painted coffius with rotten bones: the Ostrich carrieth fair feathers, but rank flesh: the herb Molio carrieth a flower as white as snow, but a root as black as ink.  
Although women are beautiful, showing pity, yet their hearts are black, swelling with mischief, not much unlike unto old trees, whose outward leaves are fair and green, and yet the body rotten: if thou haunt their houses, thou wilt be enamoured; and if thou do but hearken to these Sirens, thou wilt be enchanted, for they will allure thee with amorous glances of lust, and yet kill thee with bitter looks of hate: they have dimples in their cheeks to deceive thee, and wrinkles in their brows to betray thee: they have eyes to entice, smiles to flatter, embracements to provoke, becks to recall, lips to enchant, kisses to inflame, and tears to excuse themselves.  
If God had not made them only to be a plague to man, he would never have called them necessary evils, and what are they better? for what do they either get or gain, save or keep? nay they do rather spend and consume all that which man painfully getteth: a man must be at all the cost, and yet live by the loss.  
It is very easy for him which never experienced himself in that vain pleasure, or repenting pleasure, choose you whether, I mean the accompanying of lewd women: but such as are exercised and experimented in that kind of drudgery, they I say, have a continual desire, and temptation is ready at hand: therefore take heed at the first, suffer not thyself to be led away into lustful folly, for it is more easy for a young man or maid to forbear carnal act, than it is for a widow, and yet more easy for a widow, then for her that is married and hath her husband wanting: then take heed at the first, for there is nothing gotten by women but repentance.  
For women are like the bay tree, which is ever green, but without fruit; or like the unprofitable thorn, which beareth as trim a blossom as the apple: this is nothing, but to tell thee that thou must not judge of gold by the colour, nor of women's qualities by their faces, nor by their speeches; for they have delicate tongues, which will ravish and tickle the itching ears of giddy headed young men, so foolish, that they think themselves happy if they can but kiss the daisy whereon their love doth tread; who if she frown, than he descends presently into hell: but if she smile, then is he carried with wings up into heaven: there is an old saying, that when a dog wags his tail, he loves his master.  
Some think, that if a woman smile on them, she is presently over head and ears in love: one must wear her glove, another her garter, another her colours of delight, and another shall spend and live upon the spoil which she getteth from all the rest: then if thou wilt give thy body to the Chirurgeon, and thy soul to the Devil, such women are fit for thy diet. Many creatures of every kind resemble women in conditions; for some horse an unskilful rider can hardly disorder; and some again in despite of the best rider that is, will have a jadish trick: some Hawk although he be ill served, yet will sit quiet; and some, if never so well served, yet will continually fly at check: again, some hounds by no means will forsake their undertaken game, and some again in despite of the huntsman will continually run at random: and some men will steal if their hands were bound behind them; and some again will rather starve then steal, even so some women will not be won with seven years loving, and some again will offend with an hours liberty.  
Therefore, if thou study a thousand years, thou shalt find a woman nothing else but a contrary unto man: nay, if thou continue with her a hundredth years, yet thou shalt find in her new fancies, and contrary sorts of behaviour; therefore, if all the world were paper, and all the sea ink, and all the trees and plants were pens, and every man in the world were a writer, yet were they not able with all their labour and cunning, to set down all the crafty deceits of women.  
Now me thinks I hear some of you say, that young wits are soon corrupted, and that women's bright beauty breedeth curious thoughts in men, also golden gifts easily overcometh wanton women's desires: and thereby make them become Venus' darlings, quite changing customs of modesty, into passions of vanity, wherein once delighted, they continue in the same without repentance or sorrow: But out alas, you lascivious Dames, these lewd conditions of yours, will speedily bring all your joys to sorrow.   

CHAP. III.  
This third Chapter showeth a remedy against love, also many reasons not to be too hasty in choice of a Wife. But if no remedy but thou wilt marry, then how to choose a wife, with a Commendation of the good, virtuous, and honest Women.  
BE not too hasty to marry, for doubt lest thou marry in haste, and repent by leisure; For there are many troubles which cometh galloping at the heels of a woman, which many young men beforehand do not think of, the world is not all made of Otemeale; nor all is not gold that glisters, nor a smiling countenance is no certain testimonial of a merry heart: nor the way to heaven is not strewed with rushes; no more is the cradle of ease in a woman's lap: if thou wert a servant, or in bondage before, yet when thou marriest, thy toil is never the near ended, but even then, and not before, thou changest thy golden life which thou didst lead before, in respect of the married, for adtop of honey which quickly turneth to be as bitter as wormwood; And therefore far better it were to have two ploughs going then one cradle, and better a barn filled then a bed; therefore cut off the occasion, which may any way bring thee into fools Paradise. Then first, and above all, shun idleness, for idleness is the beginner and maintainer of love, therefore apply thyself about some affairs, or be occupied about some business: for so long as thy mind or thy body is in labour, the love of a woman is not remembered, nor lust never thought upon: but if thou spend thy time idly amongst women, thou art like unto him which playeth with the Bee, who may sooner feel of her sting, then taste of her honey; he that toucheth pitch, may be defiled therewith. Roses unadvisedly gathered, prickle our fingers; Bees ungently handled, sting our faces, and yet the one is pleasant, and the other is profitable, and if thou be in company of women, the Devil himself hath not more illusions to get men into his net, than women have devices and inventions to allure men into their love; and if thou suffer thyself once to be led into fools paradise, (that is to say) the bed or closet wherein a woman is, (than I say) thou art like a bird snared in a Limebush, which the more she striveth, the faster she is. It is unpossible to fall amongst stones, and not be hurt, or amongst thorns, and not be pricked, or amongst nettles, and not be stung: a man cannot carry fire in his bosom, and not burn his clothing; no more can a man live in love, but it is 〈◊〉 as wearisome as hell, and he that marrieth a wife, matcheth himself unto many troubles. If thou mariest a still and a quiet woman, that will seem to thee that thou ride but an ambling horse to hell; but if with one that is froward and unquiet, than thou wert as good ride a trotting horse to the Devil: herein I will not be my own carver, but I refer you to the judgement of those which have seen the troubles, and felt the torments; for none are better able to judge of women's qualities, than those which have them; none feels the hardness of the Flint, but he that strikes it; none knows where the shoe pincheth, but he that wears it. It is said that a man should eat a hushell of salt with one which he means to make his friend, before he put any great confidence or trust him: And if thou be so long in choosing a friend, a my mind thou hadst need to eat two bushels of salt with a woman, before thou make her thy wife; otherwise, before thou hast eaten one bushel with her, thou halt taste of ten quarters of sorrow, and for every dram of pleasure, an ounce of pain, and for every pint of honey a gallon of gall, and for every inch of mirth an ell of moan. In the beginning, a woman's love seemeth delightful, but endeth with destruction; therefore he that trusteth to the love of a woman, shall be as sure as he that hangeth by the leaf of a tree in the later end of Summer: and yet there is great difference betwixt the standing pool, and the running stream, although they are both waters.  
Therefore of two evils, choose the least, and avoid the greatest; but my meaning is not here to advise thee to choose the least woman: for the little women are as unhappy as the greatest; for though their statures be little, yet their hearts are big: then speak fair to all, but trust none, and say with Diogenes, It is too soon for a young man to marry, and too late for old men. One asked a Philosopher, what the life of a married man was? he answered, Misery. And what is his felicity? Misery: for he still lingers in hope of further joy. And what is his end? and he still answered, Misery.  
There are six kinds of women which thou shouldest take heed that thou match not thyself to any one of them: that is to say, good nor bad, fair nor foul, rich nor poor; for if thou marriest one that is good, thou mayst quickly spill her with too much making of her: for when provender pricks a woman, than she will grow knavish: and if bad, than thou must support her in all her bad actions, and that will be so wearisome unto thee, that thou hadst as good draw water continually to fill a bottomless tub: if she be fair, than thou must do nothing else but watch her: and if she be foul and loathsome, who can abide her if she be rich, than thou must forbear her because of her wealth: and if she be poor, than thou must maintain her.  
For if a woman be never so rich in dowry, happy by her good name, beautiful of body, sober of countenance, eloquent in speech, and adorned with virtue, yet they have one ill quality or other, which overthroweth all the other: like unto that Cow which giveth great store of milk, and presently striketh it down with her foot, such a cow is as much to be blamed for the loss, as to be commended for the gift: or like as when men talk of such a man, or such a man, he is an excellent good workman, or he is a good Chirurgeon, or a good Physician, or he is a pretty fellow of his hands, but if they conclude with this word, But it is pity he hath one fault, which commonly in some men is drnnkennesse, than I say, if he were endued with all the former qualities, yet they cannot gain him so much credit to counterpoise the discredit that cometh thereby.  
It is said of men, that they have that one fault, but of women it is said that they have two faults, that is to say, they can neither say well, nor do well: there is a saying that goeth thus, that things far fetched and dear bought are of us most dearly beloved, the like may be said of women, although many of them are not far fetched, yet they are dear bought, yea and so dear, that many a man curseth his hard pennyworths, and bannes his own heart; for the pleasure of the fairest woman in the world lasteth but a honey moon, that is, while a man hath glutted his affections, and reaped the first fruit, his pleasure being past sorrow and repentance remaineth still with him.  
Therefore to make thee the stronger to strive against these tame Serpents, thou shalt have more strings to thy bow then one, it is safe riding at two anchors; always look before thou leap, lest thy shins thou chance to break. Now the fire is kindled, let us burn this other faggot, and so to our matter again.  
If a woman be never so comely, think her a counterfeit; if never so strait, think her crooked; if she be well set, call her a boss; if slender, a hazel twig; if brown, think her as black as a Crow; if well-coloured, a painted wall; if sad, or shamefaced, then think her a clown; if merry and pleasant, than she is the liker to be a wanton. But if thou be such a fool that thou wilt spend thy time and treasure, the one in the love of women, and the other to delight them; in my mind thou resemblest the simple Indians, who apparel themselves most richly when they go to be burned.  
But what should I say? some will not give their babble for the Tower of London. He that hath sailed at sea, hath seen the dangers, and he that is married, can tell of his own woe, but he that is never burnt, will never dread the fire. Some will go to dice, although they see others lose all their money at play, and some will marry, though they beg together. Is it not strange that men should be so foolish to dote on women, who differ so far in nature from men? for a man delights in arms, & in hearing the rattling drums, but a woman loves to hear sweet music on the Lute, Cittern, or Bandora: a man rejoiceth to march among the murdered carcases, but a woman to dance on a silken carpet: a man loves to hear the threatenings of his Prince's enemies, but a woman weeps when she hears of wars: a man loves to lie on the cold grass, but a woman must be wrapped in warm mantles: a man triumphs at wars, but a woman rejoiceth more at peace.  
If a man talk of any kind of beast or fowl, presently the nature is known: as for example, the Lions are all strong and hardy, the Hares are all fearful and cowardly, the Doves are all simple, and so of all beasts and fowl the like, I mean few or none swerving from his kind; but women have more contrary sorts of behaviour then there be women, and therefore impossible for a man to know all, no nor one part of women's qualities all the days of thy life.  
Some with sweet words undermine their husbands, as Dalila did Samson, and some with chiding and brawling are made weary of the world, as Socrates and others: Socrates when his wife did chide and brawl, would go out of the house till all were quiet again; but because he would not scold with her again, it grieved her the more; for on a time she watched his going out, and threw a chamber-pot out of a window on his head. Ha, ha, quoth he, I thought after all this thunder there would come rain.  
There is an history maketh mention of one named Annynious, who invited a friend of his to go home with him to supper; but when he came home, he found his wife chiding and brawling with her maidens, where at his guest was very much discontented. Annynious turning to him, said. Good Lord how impatient art thou? I have suffered her these twenty years, and canst not thou abide her two hours? by which means he caused his wife to leave chiding and laughed out the matter.  
There is no woman but either she hath a long tongue, or a longing tooth, and they are two ill neighbours, if they dwell together: for the one will lighten thy purse, if it be still pleased, and the other will waken thee from thy sleep, if it be not charmed. Is it not strange of what kind of metal a woman's tongue is made of? that neither correction can chastise, nor fair means quiet: for there is a kind of venom in it, that neither by fair means nor foul they are to be ruled. All beasts by man are made tame, but a woman's tongue will never be lame; it is but a small thing, and seldom seen, but it is often heard, to the terror and utter confusion of many a man.  
Therefore, as a sharp bit curbs a froward horse, even so a cursed woman must be roughly used: but if women could hold their tongues, than many times men would hold their hands. As the best metlted blade is mixed with iron, even so the best woman that is, is not free from faults: the goodliest gardens are not free from weeds, no more is the best nor the fairest woman from ill deeds.  

He that useth troth to tell,  
May blamed be, though he say well.  
If thou be young, marry not yet,  
If thou be old, thou wilt have more wit;  
For young men's wives will not be taught,  
And old men's wives are good for nought.  
When he that for a woman striveth by law,  
Shall strive like a coxcomb, and prove but a daw.  
Then buy not thou with overmuch cost,  
The thing which yields but labour lost.   
divers beasts, and fowl, by nature have more strength in one part of the body then in another, as the Eagle in the beak, the Unicorn in the horn, the Bull in the head, the Bear in his arms, the Horse in his breast, the Dog in his teeth, the Serpent in his tail: but a woman's chief strength is in her tongue; the Serpent hath not so much venom in his tail, as she hath in her tongue; and as the Serpent never leaveth hissing and stinging, and seeking to do mischief: even so, some women are never well, except they be casting out venom with their tongues, to the hurt of their husbands or of their neighbours; therefore he that will disclose his secrets to a woman, is worthy to have his hair cut with Samson; for, if thou unfoldest any thing of secret to a woman, the more thou chargest her to keep it close, the more she will seem as it were to be with child till she have revealed it amongst her gossips; yet if one should make doubt of her secrecy, she would seem angry, and say, I am no such light housewife of my tongue, as they whose secrets lie at their tongues ends, which flies abroad so soon as they open their mouths; therefore fear not to disclose your secrets to me, for I was never touched with any stain of my tongue in all my life; nay, she will not stick to swear that she will tread it under foot, or bury it under a stone: yet for all this, believe her not, for every woman hath one especial gossip at the least, which she doth love & affect above all the rest, and unto her she runneth with all the secrets she knoweth.  
There is an history making mention of one Lyas, whom King Amasis commanded to go into the market, and to buy the best and profitablest meat he could get; and he bought nothing but tongues; the King asked him the reason why he bought no other meat, who made this answer, I was commanded to buy the best meat, and from the tongue came many good and profitable speeches; then the king sent him again, and bade him buy the worst and unprofitablest meat: and he likewise bought nothing but tongues, the King again asked him the reason, from nothing (said he) cometh worse venom, then from the tongue, and such tongues must women have.  
Roman history maketh mention of one of the chief governors of Rome, that had a son, whose name was Papirius, whose father took him with him to the Council-house, that thereby he might learn wisdom, wishing him withal to keep their secrets: his mother was divers times ask of the boy what they did at the Counsaile-house, and what the cause was of their often meeting; one a time young Papirius fearing to displease his father, and hoping to satisfy his mother told her this, Mother (said he) there is hard hold amongst them about making of a law, that every man shall have two wives; or every woman two husbands and so far as I can perceive, it is likely to be concluded upon, that every man shall have two wives.  
The next day, when his father and he were gone to the Counsaile-house, she bestirred herself, and got most of the chief women of the City together, and told them what a law was like to be made, if it were not prevented: and so to the Counsaile-house they went a great flock of them: but when they came in, the Governors were all amazed, and asked the cause of their coming? and one of the women having leave to speak, said thus; Whereas you are about to make a law, that every man shall have two wives, consider with yourselves what unquietness and strife thereby will arise: but (said she) it were better that one woman should have two husbands, that if the one were on business abroad, the other might be at home. Now when the Governors heard this speech, they marveled whereupon it should arise? then young Papirius requested that he might speak, who presently resolved them the cause of the women's coming, so they greatly commended the boy, and laughed the women to scorn.  
Here thou mayst perceive by a taste, what wine is in the butt: if the Dragon's head be full of poison, what venom then (think you) lurketh in the tail? All this is but to tell thee of the doubts and dangers that come by marriage, yet I would not have all men fear to lie in the grass, because a Snake lieth there, nor all men fear to go to Sea, because some men are drowned at Sea, neither do I warrant all men to fear to go to their beds because many die in their beds: then marry a God's name, but again and again take heed to the choice of thy wife.  
Marry not for beauty without virtue, nor choose for riches without good conditions. Solomon amongst many other notable sentences fit for this purpose, saith, that a fair woman without discreet manners, is like a gold ring in a swine's snout? and if thou marriest for wealth, than thy wife many times will cast it in thy dish saying, that of a beggar she made thee a man: again, if thou marriest for beauty and above thy calling, thou must not only bear with thy wives folly, but with many unhappy words, for she will say, she was blinded in fancying thee: for she might have had Captain such a one, or this Gentleman, or that, so that thou shalt never need to crave a foul word at her hands in seven years, for thou shalt have enough without ask; beside, I fear me thou wilt be better headed then wedded, for she will make thee wear an Ox feather in thy cap; yet he which hath a fair wife will adventure on a thousand infamies, only in hope to keep her in the state of an honest woman; but if she be ill given, do what thou canst, break thy heart and bend thy study never so much, yet all will not serve, thou mayest let her go all hours of the night, she will never meet with a worse than herself, except she meet with the devil himself.  
Therefore yet once more I advise thee in the choice of thy wife, to have a special regard to her qualities and conditions before thou shake hands or jump a match with her; Also inquire and mark the life and conversation of her Parents, let the old Proverb put thee in mind hereof, that an evil Bird layeth an ill Egg, the Cat will after her kind, an ill Tree cannot bring forth good fruit, the young Crab goeth crooked like the Dam, the young Cock croweth as the old, and it is a very rare matter to see children tread out of the paths of their Parents. He that cometh into a Fair to buy a horse, will pry into every part to see whether he be sound of wind and limb, and without crack or flaw, and whether his breeding were in a hard soil, or whether he be well paced, and likewise he will have a care that his horse shall have all outward marks which betoken a good horse, yet with all the cunning he hath, he may be deceived; but if he prove a jade, he may put him away at the next Fair.  
But if in choice of thy wife thou be deceived, as many men are, thou must stand to thy word which thou madest before the whole Parish, which was, to take her for better or worse; for there is no refusing, she will stick to thee as close as a saddle to a horses back, and if she be frowardly given, than she will vex thee night & day.  
Amongst the quietest couples that are, yet household jars will arise, but yet such quarrels which happen in the day, are often qualified with kisses in the night; but if it be not so ended, their thirst will go forward like the carriage which is drawn between two horses, tail to tail, & if she cannot revenge herself with her tongue, nor with her hands, nor with conveying thy goods, yet she will pay thee home privately; for if thou strike with thy sword, she will strike with the scabbard; choose not the rapier by his ringing, nor thy wife by her singing; for if thou dost, thou mayest be very well deceived in both, for thy rapier may prove a gad, and thy wife but little better.  
Now if thou ask me how thou shouldest choose thy wife? I answer, that thou hast the whole world to make choice, & yet thou mayest be deceived. An ancient father being asked by a young man how he should choose a wife, he answered him thus, When thou seest a flock of maidens together, hoodwink thyself fast, and run amongst them, and look which thou chasest, let her be thy wife: the young man told him, that if he went blindfolded, he might be deceived: and so thou mayest (quoth the old man) if thy eyes were open; for in the choice of thy wife, thou must not trust thy own eyes, for they will deceive thee, and be the cause of thy woe: for she may seem good whose waste is like a wand, or she which hath a spider fingered hand, or she which on her tiptoes still doth stand, and never read but in a golden book, nor will not be caught but with a golden hook; or such a one as can struck a beard, or look a head, and of every flea make herself afraid if one had a spring, such a wench would make him a beggar if he were half a King: then this is no bargain for thee. But hark a little further: the best time for a young man to marry, is at the age of twenty and five, and then to take a wife of the age of seventeen years, or thereabout, rather a maid then a widow; for a widow is framed to the conditions of another man, and can hardly be altered, so that thy pains will be double: for thou must unlearn a widow, and make her forget and forego her former corrupt and disordered behaviour, the which is hardly to be done: but a young woman of tender years is flexible and bending, obedient and subject to do any thing, according to the will and pleasure of her husband.  
And if thy state be good, marry near home, and at leisure; but if thy state be weak and poor, then to better thyself after inquiry made of her wealth and conditions, go far off, and dispatch it quickly, for doubt lest tattling speeches, which commonly in these cases run betwixt party and party, and break it off, even then when it is come to the upshot: but as I have already said, before thou put thy foot out of doors, make diligent inquiry of her behaviour; for by the market-folke thou shalt hear how the market goeth: for by inquiry thou shalt hear whether she be wise, virtuous, and kind, wearing but her own proper hair, and such garments as her friend's estate will afford, or whether she love to keep within the house, and to the servants have a watchful eye, or if she have a care when to spend, & when to spare, and to be content with what God doth send, or if she can shed no kind of unstained tears, but when just cause of hearty sorrow is, and that in wealth and woe, in sickness and in health, she will be all alike, such a wife will, make thee happy in thy choice.  
Although some happen on a devilish and unhappy women, yet all men do not so, and such as happen ill it is a warning to make them wise, if they make a second choice, not that all other shall have the like fortune, the sun shineth upon the good and bad, and many a man happeneth sooner on a shrew then a ship: Some thrive by dicing, but not one in an hundredth, therefore dicing is ill husbandry, some thrive by marriage, and yet many are undone by marriage, for marriage is either the making or marring of many a man, and yet I will not say but amongst dust there is Pearl found, and in hard rocks Diamonds of great value, and so amongst many women there; are some good, as that gracious and glorious Queen of all womankind, the Virgin Mary, the mother of all bliss: what won her honour, but an humble mind, and her pains and love unto our Saviour Christ.  
Sara is commended for the earnest love that she bore to her husband, not only for calling him Lord, but for many other qualities: Also Susanna for her chastity, and for creeping on her knees to please her husband, but there are meaner histories which makes mention of many others, as that of Demetryes how that she was content to run Lackey by her husband's side.  
Likewise Lucretia, for the love and loyalty, that she bore to her husband, being unkindly abused by an unchaste lecher against her will, she presently flew herself in the presence of many, rather than she would offer her body again to her husband being but one time defiled.  
It is recorded of an Earl called Guncalles, that upon the King's displeasure was committed to prison, and his wife having liberty to visit him in prison, on a time she caused him to put off his apparel, and to put on hers, & so by that means got out by the Porter, and she remained in prison; and so by this means he escaped the angry rage of his Prince, and afterwards his wife was delivered also.  
Likewise it was no small love that Artymenes bore to her husband; for after his death she built such a famous Sepulchre (and bestowed the greatest part of her wealth thereon) in so much as at this day it is called one of the seven great wonders of the world.  
Also Pliny makes mention of a Fisherman which dwelled near unto the Sea side, and he fell sick of an uncurable disease, by which means he endured such torment and pain, that it would have grieved any creature to behold him; his careful and loving wife laboured & traveled far and near to procure his health again, but at last seeing all means in vain, she broke out with him in these words: Death at one time or another will come, and therefore rather than you should any longer endure this miserable life, I am content that both of us prevent death before he come: so this poor grieved man did yield to her counsel, and they went forth to the top of an exceeding high Rock, & there this woman bound herself fast to her husband, and from thence casting themselves down, ended their lives together.  
Now I do not commend this death to be godly, although it showed great love in the woman: no doubt but the King of Ayra had a very kind and loving wife as shall appear, for when Alexander the great had deprived him of the greatest part of his kingdom, yet he bore it out very patiently with a valiant and manly courage, and without any show of outward grief at all: but when news was brought him that his wife was dead, he then most grievously broke into tears, and wept bitterly, and withal he said, that the loss of his whole Kingdom should not have grieved him so much, as the death of his wife.  
It is also recorded of Alexander, that at the death of his wife he made such a sorrowful kind of speech for her, saying, Death were kind if he took nothing but that which offendeth; but he hath taken her away which never offended. Oh death, thou hast bereaved me of the better part of my life.  
It is also said of Valerius Maximus, that he on a time finding two Serpents in his bedchamber, being strangely amazed thereat, he demanded of the Soothsayers what it meaned? and they answered him, That of necessity he must kill one of them; and if he killed the male, than he himself must first die; and if the female, than his wife should die before him: & because he loved his wife better than himself, he most grievously made choice of the male, and killed him first, and shortly after he died, leaving his wife a widow.  
Such a kind fool to his wife was Adam; for he was forbidden on pain of death, not to eat of the tree of good and evil, yet for all that, Adam notwithstanding, to gratify his wives kindness, and for love he bore her, refused not to hazard his life by breach of that commandment.  
But because in all things there is a contrary, which showeth the difference betwixt the good and the bad, even so both of men and women there are contrary sorts of behaviour: if in thy choice thou happen on a good wife, desire not to change, for there is a Proverb faith, Seldom cometh a better. And there is none poorer than those that have had many wives. Thou mayst bear a good affection towards thy wife, & yet let her not know it: thou mayst love her well, and yet not carry her on thy back: a man may love his house well, and yet not ride on the ridge: love thy wife, and speak her fair, although thou do but flatter her: for women love to be accounted beautiful, and to be mistresses of many maids, & to live without controlment, and kind words as much please a woman, as any other thing whatsoever: and a man's chiefest desire should be first the grace of God, a quiet life, and an honest wife, a good report, and a friend in store; and then what need a man to ask any more?  
Saint Paul saith those which marry do well, but he also saith, those which marry not do better; but yet also he sayeth, that it is better to marry then to burn in lust. A merry companion being asked by his friend, why he did not marry, he made this answer, and said; That he had been in Bedlam two or three times, and yet he was never so mad to marry; and yet there is no joy nor pleasure in the world which may be compared to marriage, so the parties are of near equal years, and of good qualities, then good fortune and bad is welcome to them, both their cares are equal, and their joys equal, come what will all is welcome, & all is common betwixt them, the husband doth honour and reverence her, and if he be rich he committeth all his goods to her keeping, and if he be poor, and in adversity, than he beareth but the one half of the grief, & furthermore she will comfort him with all the comfortable means she can devise, and if he will stay solitary in his house, she will keep him company, if he will walk into the fields, why she will go with him, and if he be absent from home, she sigheth often, and wisheth his presence, being come home, he findeth content sitting smiling in every corner of his house, to give him a kind and a hearty welcome home, and she receiveth him with the best and greatest joy that she can: Many are the joys and sweet pleasures in marriage, as in our children, being young, they play, prattle, laugh and show us many pretty toys to move us to mirth and laughter, and when they are bigger grown, and that age or poverty hath afflicted the Parents, than they show the duty of children in relieving their old aged parents with what they can shift for, and when their parents are dead, they bring them to the earth from whence they came.  
Yet now consider on the other side, when a wrinkled and toothless woman shall take a beardless boy (a short tale to make of it) there can be no liking nor loving between such contraries, but continual strife and debate, so likewise when matches are made by the Parents, and the dowry told and paid before the young couple have any knowledge of it, & so many times are forced against their minds, fearing the rigour & displeasure of their parents, they often promise with their mouths that which they refuse with their hearts.  
Also if a man marry a wife for fair looks without dowry, than their love will soon wax cold, insomuch that they use them not like wives, but rather like kitchenstuff, whereas those which marry rich wives, they have always something to be in love withal. It is a common thing now a days, that fair women without riches find more lovers than husbands.  
Choose not a wife too fair, nor too foul, nor too rich: for if she be fair, every one will be catching at her, and if she be too foul, a man will have no mind to love her which no body likes, & if too rich thou thinkest to marry with one which thou meanest to make thy companion, thou shalt find her a commanding Mistress; so that riches causeth a woman to be proud, beauty makes her to be suspected, & hard favoured maketh her to be hated. Therefore choose a wife young, well borne, and well brought up, reasonable rich, and indifferent beautiful, and of a good wit and capacity: also in choice of a wife, a man should note the honesty of the parents, for it is a likelihood that those children which are virtuously brought up will follow the steps of their parents, but yet many a tree is spoiled in the hewing, there are some which have but one only daughter, and they are so blinded with the extreme love that they bear her, that they will not have her hindered of her will whatsoever she desireth; so suffering her to live in all wanton pleasure & delicacy, which afterwads turneth to be the cause of many inconveniences.  
Now the Father before he marry his daughter, is to sift thoroughly the qualities; behaviour, and life of his son in law; for he which meeteth with a civil and an honest son in law, getteth a good son, and he which meereth with an ill one, casteth away his daughter.  
The husband must provide to satisfy the honest desires of his wife, so that neither necessity nor superfluity be the occasion to work her dishonour: for both want and plenty, both ease and disease makes some women oftentimes unchaste: and again, many times the wife seeing the husband take no care for her, making belike this reckoning that no body else will care for her, or desire her: but to conclude this point, she only is to be accounted honest, who having liberty to do amiss, yet doth it not.  
Again, a man should thus account of his wife, as the only treasure he enjoyeth upon earth, & he must also account that there is nothing more due to the wife, than the faithful, honest, and loving company of the husband, he ought also in sign of love to impart his secrets and counsel unto his wife, for many have found much comfort and profit by taking their wives counsel; and if thou impart any ill hap to thy wife, she lighteneth thy grief, either by comforting thee lovingly, or else in bearing a part thereof patiently. Also if thou espy a fault in thy wife, thou must not rebuke her angrily or reproachfully, but only secretly betwixt you two, always remembering that thou must neither chide nor play with thy wife before company, those that play and dally with them before company, they do thereby set other men's teeth on edge, and make their wives the less shamefast.  
It behoveth the married man always to show himself in speech & countenance both gentle and amiable; for if a woman of modest behaviour seeth any gross incivility in her husband, she doth not only abhor it, but also thinketh with herself, that other men are more discreet, and better brought up, therefore it standeth him upon to be civil and modest in his doings, lest he offend the chaste thoughts of his wife, to whose liking he ought to conform himself in all honest and reasonable things, and to take heed of every thing which may mislike her.  
Why some women love their lovers better than their husbands; the reason is, the lover in the presence of his Lady is very curious of his behaviour, that he useth no unseemly gestures, whereby there may no suspicion of jealousy or any exception be taken by any thing he doth: it behoveth every woman to have a great regard to her behaviour, and to keep herself out of the fire, knowing that a woman of suspected chastity liveth but in a miserable case, for there is but small difference by being nought, and being thought nought, and when she heareth other women ill spoken of, let her think in her mind what may be spoken of her; for when a woman hath gotten an ill name, whether it be deservedly or without cause, yet she shall have much ado to recover again her honour and credit thereof: let a woman avoid so much as may be the company of a woman which hath an ill name, for many of them endeavour by their evil fashions and dishonest speech, to bring others to do as they do, and many of them wish in their hearts that all women were like unto themselves: it may be said of many women that the feathers are more worth than the birds; therefore it behoveth every woman to behave herself so sober and chaste in countenance and speech, that no man may be so bold as to assail her: for commonly Castles, if they come once to parley, are at point to yield; therefore if a woman by chance be set upon, let her make this answer, When I was a maid, I was at the disposition of my parents, but now I am married, I am at the pleasure of my husband, therefore you were best speak to him, and to know his mind what I shall do; & if her husband be out of the way, let her always behave herself as if he were present.  
Also a woman may consider, if her husband be choleric and hasty, she must overcome him with mild speech, and if he chide she must hold her peace, for the answer of a wise woman is silence, and she must stay to utter her mind until he be appeased of his fury, and at quiet, for if women many times would hold their tongues they might be at quiet. There was a very angry couple married together, and a friend being with them at supper, asked them how they could agree together being both so froward and testy: the good man made him this answer, When I am angry my wife beareth with me, and when she is angry I bear with her, for with what heart can a man so much as touch a hair of his wives head? (I mean rigorously) for the husband ought to rebuke her with words secretly, and seek to reform her by good counsel, he ought to lay before her the shame of ill doing, and the praise of well doing, if this will not serve, yet he ought rather patiently to forbear her, then rigorously to beat her, for she is flesh of his flesh & there is no man so foolish to hurt his own flesh, a man ought to be a comforter of his wife, but then he ought not to be a tormenter of her for with what face can a man embrace that body which his hands have battered & bruised? or with what heart can a woman love that man which can find in his heart to beat her?  
Also when a man findeth a painful and a careful woman, which knoweth when to spend, and when to spare, and to keep the house in good order, than the husband will not deny such a wife any necessary thing belonging to the house: but if she be a light housewife who liveth without doing of any thing, without caring for husband, children or servants, or any other thing belonging to the house, thereby showing, although her body be in the house, yet her mind is abroad, which redowndeth to her shame, & to her husband's great hindrance, for when the Mistress is occupied in vanity, the servants care less for her profit, but look to their own, for while the Mistress playeth, the maiden strayeth.  
But these men are to be laughed at, who having a wise & a sufficient wife to do all the work within doors, which belongs for a woman to do, yet the husband will set hens abroad, season the pot, and dress the meat, or any the like work which belongeth not to the man. Such husbands many times offend their wives greatly, and they wrong themselves; for if they were employed abroad in matters belonging to men, they would be the more desirous being come home to take their case, then to trouble their wives and servants in meddling with their matters, for the rule and government of the house belongeth to the wife.  
And he that hath a wife of his own, and goeth to another woman, is like a rich thief which will steal when he hath no need.  
Amongst all the creatures that God hath created, there is none more subject to misery then a woman, especially those that are fruitful to bear children, for they have fierce a months' rest in a whole year, but are continually overcome with pain, sorrow & fear, as indeed the danger of childbearing must needs be a great terror to women, which are counted but weak vessels, in respect of men, and yet it is supposed that there is no disease that a man endureth, that is one half so grievous or painful as childbearing to a woman: Let it be the toothache, gout or colic; nay if a man had all these at once, yet nothing comparable to a woman's pain in her travel with child.  
Now if thou like not my reasons to expel love, than thou mayest try Ovid's art, who prescribes a salve for such a sore; for he counsels those which feel this horrible heat, to cool their flames with herbs which are cold of nature, as Rew and Lettuce, & other herbs too long to recite: also he saith, thou shouldest abstain from excess of meat and drink, for that provokes thy mind greatly to lust: also to hunt, to hawk, to shoot, to bowl, to run, to wrestle, and some other play, for this will keep thy mind from thinking of lust: also shun slothfulness and idleness, for these are the only nurses of love, eschew melancholy or sadness, and keep merry company, turn thy eyes from the place where bewitching spirits are, lest the remembrance do increase, and rub thy galled mind: also to eschew the place where thou didst first feel the fire that burneth thy mind with such unquiet thoughts. Likewise, saith he, beware thou do not twice peruse the secret flattering letters of thy supposed friendly joy; for if thou do not refuse the often view thereof, it will much increase thy grief, dolour and annoy: use no talk of her whom thou lovest, nor once name her; for that will increase thy care, by thinking in thy mind, that thou beholdest her face: but some are persuaded that no rules of reason can assuage this grief, for love is lawless, and obeys no law, no nor yet no counsel can persuade, nor take effect, or subdue the affection of his bewitched spirits. Furthermore, Ovid prescribes other reasons to expel the heat of love for where love is settled, the lovers are many times hindered of their purpose: sometimes for want of friends consent, or distance of place; then & in such a case, his counsel is to love two or three, for love being so divided, makes the love of one the less thought upon: or else, sayeth he, satisfy thy lust upon some other dame, for it will also help to wear the former love out of thy mind. Lo thus Ovid shot, but yet he missed the mark, not for want of learning, but for want of grace, for grace subdues and treads all vices under foot, although mortal means doth prescribe divers other diets to waste the heat of loves desire, as long absence from the place where thy liking lives, for the coals of company doth kindle and heat the heart, that with absence would be void of harm, for absence doth qualify that fire, and cool the minds of those which many times the company of wantoness doth warm; for he which doth not shun the place where Venus in her glory sits, hath no care of himself, but suffers her to surprise his wits.  

The bearbaiting, or the vanity of widows: choose you whether.  
Woo be unto that unfortunate man that matcheth himself unto a widow; for a widow will be the cause of a thousand woes: yet there are many that do wish themselves no worse matched then to a rich widow; but thou dost not know what griefs thou joinest with thy gains; for if she be rich, she will look to govern, and if she be poor, than art thou plagued both with beggary and bondage: again, thy pains will be double, in regard of him which marrieth with a maid; for thou must unlearn thy widow, and make her forget her former corrupt and disordered behaviour, the which if thou take upon thee to do, thou hadst even as good undertake to wash a Blackamoor white; for commonly widows are so froward, so waspish, and so stubborn, that thou canst not wrest them from their wills, and if thou think to make her good by stripes, thou must beat her to death. One having married with a froward widow, she called him thief & many other unhappy names; so he took her, and cut the tongue out of her head; but she ever afterwards would make the sign of the gallows with her fingers to him.  
It is seldom or never seen that a man marrieth with a widow for her beauty, nor for her parsonage, but only for her wealth and riches; and if she be rich & beautiful withal, than thou matchest thyself to a she-devill, for she will go like a Peacock, and thou like a Woodcock; for she will hide her money to maintain her pride: & if thou at any time art desirous to be merry in her company, she will say thou art merry, because thou hast gotten a wife that is able to maintain thee, where before thou wast a beggar, and hadst nothing: and if thou show thyself sad, she will say, thou art sad because thou canst not bury her, thereby to enjoy that which she hath: if thou make provision to far well in thy house, she will bid thee spend that which thou broughtest thyself.  
If thou show thyself sparing, she will say thou shalt not pinch her of that which is her own, and if thou do any thing contrary to her mind, she will say, her other husband was more kind: if thou chance to dine from home, she will bid thee go sup with thy Harlots abroad: if thou go abroad and spend any thing before thou comest home, she will say a beggar I found thee, and a beggar thou meanest to leave me: if thou stay always at home, she will say thou art happy that hast gotten a wife that is able to maintain thee idle: if thou carve her the best morsel on the table, though she take it, yet she will take it scornfully, and say, she had a husbamnd that would let her cut where she liked herself.  
And if thou come in well disposed, thinking to be merry, and entreating her with fair words, she will call thee dissembling hypocrite, saying, thou speakest me fair with thy tongue, but thy heart is on thy minions abroad. Lo these are the frantic tricks of froward widows, they are neither well full nor fasting, they will neither go to Church nor stay at home, I mean in regard of their impatient minds; for a man shall never be quiet in her sight, nor out of her sight, for if thou be in her sight, she will vex thee as before said; & out of her sight thy own conscience will torment and trouble thy mind to think on the purgatory which perforce thou must endure, when thou comest home.  
She will make Clubs trump, when thou hast never a black card in thy hand, for with her cruel tongue she will ring thee such a peal, that one would think the Devil were come from Hell; besides this, thou shalt have a brinded slut like a Hell-bag, with a pair of paps like a pair of dung-pots shall bring in thy dinner, for thy widow will not trust thee with a wench that is handsome in thy house: now if that upon just occasion thou throwest the platters at the maid's head, seeing thy meat brought in by such a slutte, and so sluttishly dressed, then will thy widow take pepper in the nose, and stamp and stare, and look so sour, as if she had come but even then from eating of Crabs, saying, If thou hadst not married with me thou wouldst have been glad of the worst morsel that is here: then thou again replying, sayest, If I had not been so mad, the Devil himself would not have had thee; and then without cause thou blamest her of old age and of jealousy, and for hiding her money, & for conveying away of her goods which thou hast bought with the displeasure of thy friends, and discredit to thyself, in regard of her years; then again, she on the other side runneth out to her neighbours, and there she thundereth out a thousand injuries that thou dost her, saying, my Corn he sendeth to the Market, and my cattle to the Fair; and look what he openly findeth, he taketh by force, and what I hide secretly, he privily stealeth it away, and playeth away all my money at dice. Lo thus he consumeth my substance, and yet hateth my person, no longer than I feed him with money, can I enjoy his company, now he hath that he sought for, he giveth me nothing else but froward answers, and foul usage, and yet, God knows, of pure love I married him with nothing, but now his ill husbandry is like to bring to ruin both me and my children: but now all this while she doth not forget to tell of her own good housewifery, saying, I sit working all day at my needle, or at my distaff, & he like an unthrift, and a whoremonger runneth at random: thus they are always stretching their debate upon the rack of vengeance.  
Lo here is a life, but it is as wearisome as hell, for if you kiss in the morning, being friends, yet ere noon ready to throw the house out at the window. The Papists affirm, that Heaven is won by Purgatory, but in my mind a man shall never come into a worse Purgatory then to be matched with a froward widow. He that matcheth himself to a widow and three children, matcheth himself to four thieves. One having married with a widow, it was his luck to bury her, but not before he was sore vexed with her, for afterwards he lying on his deathbed, his friends exhorted him to pray unto God that his soul might rest in Heaven, & he asked them this question, whether (said he) do you think my wife is gone? and they said unto him, no doubt but that your wife is gone to Heaven before you, he replied, I care not whether I go, so I go not where my wife is, for fear I meet with her and be vexed with her as I have been heretofore.  
Another having married with a widow, being one day at a sermon, heard the Preacher say, whosoever will be saved, let him take up his cross and follow me; this mad fellow after Sermon was ended, took his wife upon his back, and came to the Preacher and said; here is my cross, I am ready to follow thee whether thou wilt.  
Another having married with a widow which showed herself like a Saint abroad, but a Devil at home; a friend of her husbands told him, that he had gotten him a good, still and a quiet wife: yea marry, quoth the married man, you see my shoe is fair and new, but yet you know not where it pincheth me.  
Another merry companion having married with a widow, & carrying her over the Sea into France, there suddenly arose a great storm, in so much that they were all in danger of drowning; the Master of the ship called unto the mariners, and bade them take & throw over board all the heaviest goods in the ship; this married man hearing him say so, he took his widow, and threw her overboard; and being asked the reason why he did so, he said, that he never felt any thing in all his life that was so heavy to him as she had been.  
Another having married with a widow, and within a while after they were married, she went out into the garden, and there finding her husband's shirt hang close on the hedge by her maids smock, she went presently and hanged herself for a jealous conceit that she took, and a merry fellow asked the cause why she hanged herself, and being told that it was for jealousy: I would said he that all trees did bear such fruit.  
Thou mayst think that I have spoken enough concerning Widows; but the further I run after them, the further I am from them; for they are the sum of the seven deadly sins, the Fiends of Satan, & the gates of Hell. Now me thinketh I hear some say unto me, that I should have told them this lesson sooner, foe too late cometh medicine when the patient is dead; even so too late cometh counsel when it is past remedy, but it is better late than never, for it may be a warning to make others wise.  
But why do I make so long a harvest of so little corn? seeing the corn is bad, my harvest shall cease; for so long as women do ill, they must not think to be well spoken of; If you would be well reported of, or kept like the Rose when it hath lost the colour, than you should smell sweet in the bud as the Rose doth, or if you would be tasted for old wine, you should be sweet at the first like a pleasant Grape, then should you be cherished for your courtesy, and comforted for your honesty, so should you be preserved like the sweet Rose, & esteemed of as pleasant wine, but to what purpose do I go about to instruct you know:ing that such as counsel the devil can never amend him of his evil.  
And so praying those which have-already made their choice, and seen the troubles, and felt the torments that are with women, to take it merrily, and to esteem of this book only as the toys of an idle head.  
Nor I would not have women murmur against me for that I have not written more bitterly against men; for it is a very hard winter when one Wolf eateth another, and it is also an ill bird that defileth her own nest; and a most unkind part it were for one man to speak ill of another.   
FINIS.