Part of this Summer's Travels, OR NEWS From Hell, Hull, and Hallifax, from York, Linne, Leicester, Chester, Coventry, Lichfield, Nottingham, and the Devils Ars a Peake. With many pleasant passages, worthy your observation and reading. By John Taylor. Imprinted by J. O. A few words of direction to the Reader. I Have not written every place in that order, as is set down in the Title of this Pamphlet, but of such places as I traveled unto, I have truly related the passages, and the time, both when, where, why, and how I went, came and performed it. If any man ask wherefore this Book is good, or how it may be any way useful, I answer that it is four ways commodious: First, it is profitable, for it will direct a man the highways of crossing diverse Countries from place to place, which no other Book shows, as from Leicester to Linne in Norfolk, from Linne to Kingston, upon Hull in Yorkshire, from Hull to York, thence to Hallifax, to Chester, Derby, Nottingham, Coventry, Lichfield, and the Devils Ars a Peake: all these ways are herein described; secondly, there are some Monuments of Antiquity are mentioned, which greater Authors have omitted; thirdly, there are some passages of delightful Mirth and Recreation. And lastly, all is true, or else you have the Authors leave to travel as he hath done, and do your best and worst to prove him a liar. Passages and Entertainments from London to Leicester, with some observations of the said Town and Shire. UPon Saint Swithins day, I noted well, The wind was calm, nor any rain than fell, Which fair day (as old saws saith) doth portend, That heaven to earth, will plenteous harvest send, The morrow being Julies' sixteenth day, In my Progression I began my way. I need not to relate the towns that lie Just in my way, (as I road through or by) Only at Mims, a Cockney boasting bragger In mirth, did ask the women for Belswagger, But straight the females, like the Furies fell, Did curse, scold, rail, cast dirt, and stones pell mel, But we betook us nimbly to our spurs, And left them calling us rogues, knaves, and curs: With other pretty names, which I discerned They from their old fore-mothers well had learned. The reason why they are with rage inflamed, When as they hear Belswagger named. Is (as report doth say) there dwelled a Squire, Who was so full of love, (or lusts desire) That with his fair tongue, Hippocritick-hood, (By slanderous people 'twas misunder stood) The women were so fruitful, that they were All got with child, in compass of one year, And that Squire's name, they say, Belswagger was, And from that tale, the lying jeer doth pass, Wherefore the women there will chide and swagger, If any man do ask them for Belswagger. Thence passed I on my journey unto Hockly, Whereas I saw a Drunkard like a block lie, There I alighted at the sanguine Lion, Where I had meat, drink, and a bed to lie on. The next day I road stately to Northampton, And all the way my horse most proudly stamped on, On Thursday, trotting, galloping and ambling, To Leicester, I proceeded in my rambling: There, at the blue Boar I was welcome than Unto my brother Miles, a downright man, Plain dealing, free from flattery, fraud or fear, Who hath lived long with reputation there, He's old and honest, valiant, courteous, free: (I write not this for making much of me) But they that doubts on't, let them go and try And if he be a changeling, say I lie. That house King Richard lodged in, his last night, Before he did the field of Bosworth fight, And there's a Room, a King to entertain, The like is not in Leicester Town again, Th' Assizes than were there, some causes tried, And Law did there the corpse and souls divide, Of two offenders, one had with a Knife Stabbed his contracted love, and reaved her life, Tother, a wench that had stolen some poor raiment, And fired the house, deserved the Hangman's payment. King Leir a Temple did to Janus rear And placed a Flamine in't, there doth appear The arched Ovens four yards thick at least, Wherein they Heathen Sacrifices dressed; Like as the Jews in their Idolatry, Offered their sons and daughters impiously, To Moloeh, Nisroch, Ashtaroth, and Ball: And to those devilish gods adore and fall, So people here, when war or peace they sought; They offerings unto Janus Temple brought; This was eight hundred forty and four year Before our Saviour's birth, built by King Leire, Long after Etheldred (the Mercian King) Ahappy and a Christian change did bring The Temple razed, the Flamine he defaced, And there a Christian Bishops Sea he placed, Which lasted but few years, for then this Land Was sevenfold yoked, beneath 7 King's command And those Kings still were in perpetual wars That England was quite spoiled with endless jars And in those Garboils Leicester had her share, Spoilt, rifled, ransacked, robbed, and left most bare, Till Edelfred, with great magnificence, Repaired and walled it strongly for defence. Then did it flourish long in wealth and state, Till second Henry it did ruinate: He in outrageous fury fired the Town, Diswalled it quite, and cast the Castle down, So nothing but some reins doth appear, Whereby men may perceive that such things were. Thus Leicester fell, from state superlative, Her fifty Churches all consumed to five. Yet it is fair and spacious at this day, And East, West, North, and South 'tis every way Above a mile in length, so that no doubt, The Town's in circuit six large miles about. Henry first Duke of Lancaster in war, In peace, or bounty, a bright blazing Star For buildings in this City is renowned, Which as time raised, time did again confound Yet one large fabric there doth still abide Whereby the good Duke's name is dignifide, And that's an Hospital or Bead-house, where One hundred and ten men are harboured there, From perishing through want, still to defend Those aged men until the world shall end. Twice every day a Chaplain doth repair To them; and unto God sends praise and prayer, And Nurses are allowed to dress their meat, To make their beds, to wash, and keep them neat: For which they thankful be to God alone Who raised such means to ease the poor man's moan. Good Henry Earl of Huntingdon (renowned) A free school did erect there, from the ground, With means (though mean) for majntenance endowed Two Ushers, and one Schoolmaster allowed, They teach young lads, such Rules as do belong, To read the English and the Latin tongue, And when their knowltdge is with hope discerned, They is the Greek may learn, and be more learned. But to relate something in proof of this ancient Town of Leicester, in the time of nine weeks, which I abode there to and fro, I observed such a civil government and decency, which is not in many places to be found or equallized. First, I noted the peace, tranquillity, and unity which the people live in, under the rule and command of the Major and his brethren, to whose authority and power (under the King) the inhabitants do willingly obey. Secondly, the Clergy (or Ministry) are learned, diligent, and painful; and both Clergy and Laity, are conformable to the Orders and Discipline of the Church of England, and I did not hear of any one, residing there, that is, either Schismatically opinionated with Dogmatic Whimsies, or Amsterdamnable Fopperies. Thirdly, they are so charitable, and careful in providing for the relief of the poor and needy, that a man must go seek where to bestow his alms, for there is not any one (that I could see) that begged in the whole Town. Fourthly, the streets are so well paved, and kept so clean from dunghills, filth, or soil, that in the wettest or foulest weather, a man may go all over the Town in a pair of slippers, and never wet his feet. Lastly, the people are generally so loving one to another, that the Lawyers want work, and so honest that the Apparitors are idle, and those few Drunkards which they have, are very civil and fair conditioned. Certain other observations. There is a fair Library, and a well founded Almshouse within the Town, also two Gaoles, two houses of Correction, and for mad and frantic people. Also it is reported, that when King Richard the Third went from Leicester, to fight the battle near Bosworth, that then there was a man of mean calling (some say he was a Weaver, and some say a Plough-wright by his Trade) he had a spirit of divination or Prophecy, of whom the Tyrant King Richard demanded some questions, what the event of that days fight might be to him, to whom the other (most bluntly answered, Mark my words King Richard, that as thou dost ride out of this Town of Leicester, this morning thou shalt hit thy right foot against a stone, and as thou returnest thou shalt knock thy head against the same: which proved true, for as he road, he did strike against the corner of a wall his foot, and after he was slain in the field, he was stripped, and his body laid cross behind a man on Horseback, (like a Calf) and in that vile and ignominious manner, as they brought his corpse back to Leicester, his head did knock against the aforesaid wall or stone, which place I saw there; also I went eight miles to see Red●●re field, where the King fell, which is a moorish kind of ground, altogether unfruitful, and the water doth seem red, which some foolish people do suppose to be the stain of K. Richard's blood; but it is only the colour of the red earth that makes the water seem so, and the ground close adjoining is very fertile for Corn and Pasturage, but in the lower parts it is boggy and moory: by nature, and not either barren or bloody by any reason of the King's death. Another observation is concerning the alteration of the measures of Miles, and good sufficient Pots or Jugs of drink, but the further I traveled Northward, the more the miles were lengthened, and the Pots shrunk and curtailed; but indeed, what the liquor wanted in measure it had in strength: the power of it being of such potency, that it would fox a dry Traveller, before he had half quenched his thirst. In this County of Leicester, I observed a piece of extreme justice, executed upon three Geese, which was thus. At a Village called Dadlington, eight miles from Leicester, there dwelsa Gentlewoman a Kinswoman of mine, who the last Trinity Term 1639 was at London, about some business in Law, which much concerned her: and in her absence, the Pinner of Dadlington, finding three of her Geese innocently grazing upon the Common, for to show the full power, force, virtue, and marrow of his office and authority, drove the Geese into the Pound or Pindfold, and because they could procure no Bail for their Release, nor sureties for their true imprisonment, he put all their three necks into a Horslock, which Engine or Neck-fetter was so straight, close, and pinching, that the Geese were all strangled: Now the question is whether Willy, Tilly, (the Pinner so silly) were the cause of their deaths, or whether the Geese did desperately cast away themselves: all which I humbly refer to the discretion of the Jury. But some Readers may muse why I do write so much of Leicester, in this little Book; the reason is that I lay there from the 17 of July, to the 20 of August, which was five weeks, but in the mean space, I road to Coventry, and returned in a day to Leicester again, of Coventry I have little to say, but that it is a fair, famous, sweet, and ancient City, so walled about with such strength and neatness, as no City in England may compare with it; in the walls (at several places) are 13 Gates and Posterns whereby to enter, and issue too and from the City: and on the walls are 18 strong defensible Towers, which do also beautify it: in the City is a fair and delicate Cross, which is for structure, beauty, and workmanship, by many men accounted unmatchable in this Kingdom: although myself with some others, do suppose, that of Abington in Berkeshire will match it, and I am sure the Cross in Cheapside at London doth far outpass it. I have been at this City four times, and have written of it before, and therefore at this time (my stay being so short there) I have but little to say, only this that some are of opinion, that at the first itwas called Coventry, from the French word Trey Covent, because there were founded three Covents, for three several Orders of Friars, namely, the Franciscan Friars, the Augustine Friars, and the Dominicans: It matters not much who erected the said foundations and Covents, but it is certain, that the renowned King Henry the Eighth did suppress and demolish them, whose memories now is almost quite buried in their own ruins. Coventry is a County of itself, it hath been graced and dignified much by the Grant and Privileges given to it by former Kings, a● King Edward the Third, and King Henry the sixth; The Major's name (at my being there, wa● Master Thomas Forrest a Vintner) and Maste Thomas Phineas Sword-bearer there died at th● beginning of the Sessions (much about the tim● of my being there) he was a man of that comel● bulk and corpulency, that his Coffin was a ful● yard wide at the shoulders, and it is said, that i● his life time he could have been (at one meal the consumption of a large shoulder of Mutton, but he and his good stomach being both deceased, I left Coventry, because it was Session's time, and returned to my Randevouze at Leicester. The eleventh day of August I road from Leicester to Nottingham, where I lodged at the sign of the Prince's Arms; but I was well entertained at the house of the Right Worshipful Sir Thomas Hutchinson Knight, himself and his good Lady made me welcome, and did express their bounty to me in good Cheer and Money: for the which I am heartily thankful. The Town of Nottingham is seated on a Hill, which Hill is almost of one stony Rock, or a soft kind of penetrable sandy stone; it hath very fair buildings, many large streets, and a spacious Market place: a great number of the inhabitants (especially the poorer sort) do dwell in vaults, holes, or caves, which are cut and digged out of, (or within) the Rock: so that if a man be destitute of a house, it is but to go to Nottingham, and with a Mattock, a shovel, a Crow of Iron, a Chizell, and Mallet, and such instruments, he may play the Mole, the Coney, or the Pioneer, and work himself a Hole, or a Burrow, for him and his family: Where, over their heads the grass and pasture grows, and beasts do feed; fair Orchards and gardens are their cover, and Cows are milked upon the tops of their houses. I was much befriended by Master Palmer the jailor there; for he went with me, and showed me the (sometimes) strong and defensible Castle, but now much ruined: yet still there are many fair and sumptuous rooms in reasonable reparation and estate. On the lofty Battlements of the said Castle, there is a most spacious prospect round about: for from thence I could see the most stately Castle of Belvoyre or Bever Castle, which doth (as itself) belong to the Right Honourable the Earl of Rutland: and nearer hand, within three miles, I saw the ancient Town of Gotham, famous for the seven Sages (or Wise men) who are fabulously reported to live there in former ages. In the aforesaid Castle of Nottingham, I was showed diverse strange wonderful Vaults, cut or hewn out of the Rock, whereof one is said to be the place where David King of Scots was detained many years in captivity: where the said King, with his own hands (without any other instrument than the nails of his fingers) did with the said tools engrave and claw out the form of our Saviour's Life, death, and passion; which Work is there to be seen upon the Walls. Also there is another Vault or passage through the Rock, whereby men may descend or ascend out, or into the Castle; which vault is called Mortimer's Hole, through which hole (as report goes) the great Roger Mortimer, Earl of Wigmor, and Lord of Wallingford had egress and regress to the Queen, wife to King Edward the second, or the infortunate Edward of Carnarvan. Thus having seen as much of Nottingham Town and Castle as is related; on the twelfth of August, I road to the ancient town of Derby: On the thirteenth of August I left Derby, with an intent to retire to Leicester; but after I had road half a Mile, I met with an acquaintance of mine, who was travailing towards the Peake in Derby shire, to a Town called Wirksworth, and from thence to Chiesterfield, I returned with him. The Country is very Mountainous, and many Led Mines are found thereabouts: the best and most richest is called Dove Gany, within a mile or little more of Wirksworth (corruptly called Wortsworth:) and two Miles from thence are most dangerous ways, stony, craggy, with inaccessible Hills and Mountains: the grounds there are lawful (as they told me) for any man to dig or mine in for Lead, be they of what condition soever: for the Laws of mining is, that those that will adventure their Labours shall have all the profits, paying the tenth part to the Lord or Landlord, of all the Lead which they get. If it happen that they take pains, a year or two in sundry places to find a Mine if their fortune be so hard to find none (as it often falls out so) they do work all that while for nothing, and find themselves as they are able, and in the end their toil and labour is all lost: but if they do hit upon a good Mine that doth hold out, and yield plentifully, than they may quickly enrich themselves (if they be good husbands.) I was told of a poor Thatcher that left his Trade, and venturing his time and pains, he found so rich a Led Mine, that he would turn Gentleman, and he kept men in Liveries, living at the rate of the expense of 100 pound a week; so that he supposing that Leaden, Golden World would never be ended, took no care to save any thing, but after a while, the Mine failed, and he spent that little which he had left in digging for more, could find none, so that for a conclusion, he forsook the Peake, and turned Thatcher again. That part of the Peak, which is called the Devils Ars, is at or near a Town named Castleton, or Castle Town, so styled from an ancient ruined Castle on a Hill, at the end of the Town, it is 30 miles from Derby, the Castle stands on the top of a Hill, and under it is a Cliff or Riff in the said Hill, which is as wide at the entrance as three Barn doors, but being entered in it is enclosed again so narrow, that a man must stoop to pass further, but after that strait passage is past, there is rooms of incredible and wonderful greatness, with strange and intricate turnings and windings, which no man can see without great store of lights, and by reason that those things are natural, and form without any attor labour of man, and with all so dismal hotrid, dark, and hideous, that place is called the Devils Ars a Peak, at or upon which I have (according to my promise) given three jerks with my pen, at the latter end of this Book. From thence I returned towards Leicester 30 miles, on the 15 of August, and lodged at a Market Town called Narbury, and the next day I came all tired and weary (both man and beast to Leicester) and on the 20 day, I took my journey 64 miles into Norfolk, to the famous Town of Linne, and three miles from thence, at a Village called Wooton, I was there well welcomed by Master Richard Miles (to whom I am and must be a thankful Brother in Law) whose loving kindness to me was showed in such extraordinary manner, which because I cannot express, I will remain grateful with silence. Concerning Linne, it is an excellent Sea-town and strong Port, it is gravely and peaceably governed by a Major, 12 Aldermen, and a Recorder. It hath been honoured by diverse, but chiefly by King John 440 years since, and by King Henry the Third, the first gave them a fair gilt Cup, which is there to be seen, as a witness of his Royal liberality: and who so will know more of Linne, let them go thither and look the Records of the Town, or else let them read Master Camden's Britania, or the painful labours of Master john Speed. The troth is, mine Host Noble, was a noble Host to me, at whose house, my brother's kindred and friends, gave me a friendly farewell. On Tuesday the 27 of August, from Linne to Boston in Lincolnshire 24 miles, where I dined with the right Worshipful Sir Anthony Thomas Knight, from Boston I road 14 miles to Horn Castle, where I lodged the 28 of August. But I crave pardon of the Reader, for I had almost forgotten a merry passage or two which happened in Norfolk, not far from Linne: and thus it was. At a place called Prior's Thorns, near to two Towns, namely, Northbery and Sapham, there dwelled a man named Friar, who was rich in substance, but very poor and miserable in his conditions: belike he had read or heard of a Play that was written 40 years since by Master Benjamin johnson, the Play is extant, and is called Every Man out of his Humour, in which Play was acted and personated a mizerly Farmer, that had much corn in his Barns, and did expect a scant or barren Harvest, that through want and scarcity he might sell his corn at what dear rates he pleased, but (contrary to his wicked hopes) the Harvest proved abundantly plentiful, wherefore he being in an extraordinary merry or mad vein, put himself to the charge of the buying of a two penny halter, and went into his Barn as secretly as he could, and putting the halter about his neck with a riding knot, he fastened the other end to a beam, and most neatly hanged himself: But (as ill luck would have it) his man presently came into the Barn, and espied his Master so bravely mounted, the unlucky Knave drew his Knife and cut the halter, crying out for help as loud as he could, rubbing and chafing his Master with all care and diligence to recover him to life again; at the last he awaked out of his trance, and fetched a deep groan, began to stare and look about him; and taking the end of the cut halter in his hand, his first words to his man was, Sirrah, who did cut this, O Master (said the fellow) it was I that did it, and I thank God that I came in good time to do it, and I pray you to take God in your mind, and never more to hazard your soul and body in such a wicked manner: to which good counsel of the poor fellow, the Caitiff replied, Sirrah, If you would be meddling (like a sawey busy Rogue) you might have untyde it, that it might have served another time, such an unthristy Rascal as thou will never be worth such a halter, it cost me two pence, and I will abate the price of it in thy quarters wages. And when the quarter day came, he did abate the said two pence, for the which the fellow would dwell no longer with him, but went and got him another service: This was acted really and lately at the place aforesaid, in imitation of that part in the Play, of Every Man out of his Humour. After the said Friar had some Hogs which were like to die with the Murrain, which Hogs he killed and powdered, and his wife, children, and Family, as many as did eat of the Pork, fell sick and died all: for the which the slave deserved a hanging, and a Hangman, but he yet lives for some worse purpose. Concerning a pair of Brewers, and a piece of justice. Another short Norfolk Tale is not impertinent. There was one Master Fen a Brewer at Fensham, and one Master Francis Dix a Brewer at Sapkam, this Dix was riding in the Country amongst his Customers (the Innkeeper's and Victuallers) and he called for a pot of Ale or Beer as heroad by; (now that Alehouse was a Customer to Fen, as soon as Dix had drank, he asked who brewed that drink, to whom the Hostess said, that Master Fen of Fensham brewed it; well said Dix, I dare lay a wager, that I will give my Marc but a peck of Malt, and she shall piss better drink than this: at the last these words came to Fens hearing, for the which disparagement, he sued Dix, and recovered from him twenty pound damage besides costs, at the Assizes last at Norwich 1639. And now to return to the narration of my Travels, from whence I have digressed, since I lodged at Horn Castle in Lincolnshire. From thence on the 18 of August, I road 30 miles to Barton upon Humber, and the next day (being Friday) I took a Boat for myself, my Squire, and my two Palfreyes', down to Hull, or Kingston upon Hull, the strength and situation of which Town I have formerly written of: and I had no new thing there whereof to make any new Relation: let it suffice, that it is absolutely accounted the strongest and most defensible Town in the Kingdom of England, and for good government inferior to none: I might speak somewhat of their good fellowship; but my Book would swell big with it, therefore I will pay them with thinking and thanking of them, both my old friends and new acquaintance all in general. The 31 of August I left Hull, and road to Holden 16 miles, and on the morrow I road to Cowood Castle, to see the most Reverend Doctor Neale, the Lord Archbishop of York his Grace, whom in all humility I do acknowledge myself much bound in duty daily to pray for, and remember him with unfeigned reverend thankfulness, not only for the undeserved favours and bounty which his Grace extended towards me now, but for many other former approvements of his Grace's love and liberality, when his Grace lived near me at Winchester House. At Dinner with his Grace, I had the happiness to renew my Acquaintance with the Noble and Worthy Knight Sir Francis Wortley? who most courteously invited and commanded me to visit him in my journey, of which more followeth. My humble thanks remembered to the right worthy worshipful Knight Sir Paul Neale, with his fair and virtuous Lady, as also my Grateful remembrance to all my Lords Gentlemen and Servants, to whose loves and for whose friendships I shall ever acknowledge myself an engaged Debtor. Thus having past the Sunday with my Lord's Grace, and those other before named Gentlemen. On Monday the second of September, I took my Breakfast and my leave both of Cowood, and road to York, where I visited the worthy Knight (my old acquaintance) Sir Arthur Ingram, with whom, I thank his Worship, I dined, and also had some other token of his love and bounty, for the which I remain thankful. Of York I have but little to say, though it be a great, a fair, and the second City in England, built 989 years before our Saviour's Birth, by Ebrank King of this Land, from whom the City is called Eboracensis, this Ebrank is said to have 21 Wives, by whom he had 20 sons, and 70 daughters: he reigned here when as King Solomon Reigned in jerusalem; he overran France, he builded Alclaid, or Dumbritton in Scotland, he founded York, he erected a Temple there, and therein placed a Flamine to Diana: but after (in King LUCIUS' time) Elutherius pulled down the said Idolatrous wooden Temple, and displaced the Flamine, and caused though Minster to be built in that magnificent manner of free stone, placing there an Archbishop; severus the Roman Emperor died there, and also there died the Emperor Flavius Vallerius Constantius (which some call Chlorus) those that will know more of York, let them read Chronicles and larger Volumes. The Lord Major of York was (at my being there, one Sir Roger jaques Knight, a Gentleman of approved wisdom and government: myself did not stay three hours, and mine Host Master Corney at the Talbot, told me all the news which I heard there, which was a fellow, that (amongst other offenders) was the first that was hanged, and the last that was cut down, and being put into the grave or pit, with his fellows, when the earth was cast upon them, he began to stir and recover life, and was returned to the Gaol is now there living, and able to report truly what hangging is, Probatum est. From York I road after Dinner to Tadcaster, and so to a place called Kidell, where at a poor Alehouse I was glad of entertainment, and had the company of a Tinker who made pretty Music with his Banbury Kettledrum, there was also with him two Drovers and 35 Hogs, which were to be driven on the morrow seven miles further to Leeds Market, this good lodging and company, I passed the night with all, and on the morrow, I road to the Town of Leeds; of which Town I must say somewhat. This Town is (for the bigness of it) one the most populous Towns in England, it hath in it above 12000 people, and having but one Church there, it was not half capable to receive so great a Congregation, they were extremely thronged and dangerously crowded (especially in the heat of Summer, or sultry contagious weather) that the most part of the people were enforced either to go two or three miles several ways to other Village Churches, or else to stay at home and want the hearing of God's Word, and the means of their salvation. The care and consideration of these Grievances entered into the pious mind of one Master John Harrison Gentleman there, (now living) so that God opened his heart, that of his own proper costs he caused a Church to be built (though it have but the name of a Chapel) which is so large, that it will contain 4000 people, it is so neatly compacted and framed, with exquisite art of carving and Masonry, with painting, gild, polishing, embellishing, and adorning, with a most stately Roof, a fair losty Tower or Steeple, a sweet Ring of Bells; besides the admirable and costly Joiner's and Carvers Workmanship in the Font, Pulpit, Pewes, Chancel, Communion Board, and all other things and ornaments for the decent adornment of such a House consecrated and dedicated to the Service of God. I do absolutely affirm, that neither the Church or the Founder hath any fellows to be found. This Chapel is called by the name of Saint john Evangolist, it hath a fair Churchyard for Burials, well and strongly walled about, and at the West end of the Churchyard, the said Gentleman hath founded a fair Almse-house, and therein placed 21 poor aged people; also he hath founded and finished a fair School-house for the instruction of youth, and a fine sweet street he hath built on both sides in a uniform and fair manner, with Houses: the Rents whereof are for the maintenance of the Almshouses, the School, and Reparations of the Church to the end of the World. And I leave this worthy Founder to God for a blessing, and to the World for imitation. From Leeds I went to Wakefield, where if the valiant Pinder had been living, I would have played Don Quixot's part, and challenged him; but being it was so happy that he was dead, I passed the Town in peace to Barnsley, and so to Wortley, to Sir Francis Wortleyes' ancient House. The entertainment which himself, his good Lady, and his most fair and hopeful daughter gave me there, as I never did or can deserve, so I never shall be able to requite, to talk of meat, drink, money, and free welcome for Horse and Man, it were but a mere foolery for me to begin, because than I should run myself into a Labyrinth, out of which I should hardly find the way: Therefore to his Worship, my humble thanks remembered, and everlasting happiness wished, both to him and all that is his. Yet I cannot forbear to write a little of the further favour of this Noble Knight. Upon the fourteenth of September afternoon, he took horse with me, and his Lady and daughter in their Coach, with some other Servants on horseback; where three miles we road over Rocks and Cloud-kissing Mountains, one of them is so high, that (in a clear day) a man may from the top thereof see both the Ministers or Cathedral Churches, York and Lincoln, near 60 miles off us; and as it is to be supposed, That when the Devil did look over Lincoln, as the Proverb is) that he stood upon that Mountain) or near it: Sir Francis brought me to a Lodge, the place is called Wharncliffe, where the Keeper dwells, who is his man, and keeps all this Woody, Rocky, Stony, Vast Wilderness under him, for there are many Deer there, and the Keeper were an Ass if he would want Venison, having so good a Master. Close to the said Lodge, is a Stone in burden at the least 100 cart loads, the top of it is four square (by Nature) and about 12 yard's compass, it hath three seats in the form of Chairs, made by art (as it were in the front of the Rock) wherein three persons may easily sit, and have a view and goodly prospect over large Woods, Towns, Cornfields, fruitful and pleasant Pastures, Valleys, Rivers, Dear, Neat, Sheep; and all things needful for the life of man: contained in thousands of Acres and all (or the better part, belonging to that Noble Knights Ancestors, and himself. Behind the Stone is a large Inscription engraven, where in an old character is described the ancient memory of the Wortleys (the Progenitors to Sir Francis now living) for some hundreds of years, who were Lords and Owners of the said Lands and Demaynes which he now holds as their right Heir. About a Bow shoot from thence (by the descent of many rungs of a ladder) his Worship brought me to a Cave or Vault in a Rock, wherein was a Table with feats, and Turf Cushions round, and in a hole in the same Rock, was three Barrels of nappy liquor, thither the Keeper brought a good Red Dear Pie, cold roast Mutton, and an excellent shooing-born of hanged Martimas Beef: which cheer no man living would think such a place could afford: so after some merry passages and repast, we returned home. On the fifth of September, I hired a Guide, and road to Hallifax 16 miles, the ways were so rocky, stony, boggy and mountainous, that it was a days journey to ride so short a way. At Hallifax I saw the fatal Engine, wherewith they do behead pilfering Thiefs, which Sir Francis Wontley told me was set upon this occasion following. This Town of Hallifax hath (for time out of mind) lived and subsisted by the rich and laudable Trade of Clothing, and oftentimes their clothes were stolen from the Tenterhooks, (or Tenters) whereupon the King (then Reigning) upon their humble suit had privilege granted to the Town for ever: That if a Thief were taken, either of these three ways, which is, Handnapping, Back-bearing, or Tongue-telling, that is, either about to steal, or carrying it away, or confessing, that then the party offending (after trial by a Jury of Townsmen) if the goods, be it cloth, cattle, or whatsoever is valuable, is judged to have their heads struck off with the said Engine, without any Assize or Sessions. Now the Engine is two high pieces of Timber, an ell or yard asunder, fixed and closed on the top, with a cross piece like a Gallowse; in the inner sides of the two standing pieces are two gutters, and on the top (or cross piece is a pulley through which they do put a small Line or Rope, and fastening it to another heavyer piece of wood of 100 weight (in which they do fix the sharp-edge-toole) than they do pull or hoist up the said weight, and the stolen goods is brought to the place of execution with the Malefactor; now one end of the Rope is made fast to a pin or stake, which being cut, the Engine falls so ponderously and speedily, that it sovers the head from the body in a moment, but there is no man will or must cut the Line, but the Owner of the stolen goods, which if he do, he hath all again: if he will not cut it, than he must lose all, and it is employed to some charitable uses; by which means the Thief escapes; and this is Hallifax law. The sixth day I left Hallifax, and road oversuch ways as are past comparison or amending, for when I went down the lofty Mountain called Blackstone Edge, I thought myself with my Boy and Horses had been in the land of Break-neck, it was so steep and tedious, yet I recovered 12 miles to Rochdale, and then I found smooth way to Manchester, and to Sandy Lane end 13 miles; and to Chester 14 miles, which was the furthest place of my tedious travel. For my short stay at Chester (which was but one day and two nights, I had good and friendly entertainment, of many Gentlemen, to whom I must rest thankful, especially to the Worshipful Master Alderman Edward's, and to Master Wright and his Wife. It was my fortune to see and rejoice at the sight of the Noble, Right Honourable Earl and Knight of the Renowned Order of Saint George, William Earl of Derby: And although I have no relation to his Lordship or acquaintance with him, yet for the reverend reverend respect which I do owe and bear to Nobility, it did me good to see so grave and honourable a Peer. The City of Chester, is of ancient erection and fame, it was the Royal Seat of Kings, and there are yet some ruins left of the memorable Palace of King Edgar, to which Mansion the said King was rowed in a Barge by eight Captives (or Tributary Kings from Saint john's) on the River of Dee, which River there is spoilt and impeached by a bank of stones all over it, only for theemployment of a Mil or two, which River other ways would be both passable & profitable to the whole Country, for many miles, for the carriage of goods in Boats & Barks. Chester itself is a fair City four square, well walled, with an old ruined Castle, which hath been a strong Fabric, but now a Gaol, the streets are spacious, the buildings sumptuous, and so contrived, that four or five men may walk in the most parts of a breast, dry from the injury of Rain, or any falling Wether: it is gravely and peaceably governed by a Major and his 12 Brethren, it hath four Gates and three Posterns, goodly Churches, and chiefly painful and learned Preachers. And so much for Chester. Only a merry Tale, of a late true business which happened there; There dwelled a Bricklayer, a good Workman (but a good husband) whose name was john Tilly, who had the good hap to spend all that he got in his life-time, except two sons and one daughter: And being sick and in his deathbed, there came a poor neighbour to visit him, whom he desired to make or write his last Will and Testament; the poor man (having Ink and Paper) asked him what he should write? Quoth honest John Tittle, my estate is but little, but I pray thee write thus. IMprimis, I give and bequeath to my Wife (for her solace and comfort) my little Dog, for it is a pretty nimble active Cur, and will make her some sport which may delight her, and put the grief of my death out of her sad remembrance. Item, I give and bequeath to my eldest son John, all my working Tools belonging to my trade of Bricklaying, which as he may use, may be as available to him, as they have been to me, and this is the sum of my Will. His youngest son standing by, said, Father, have you nothing to give me? Yes son (quoth he) I had almost forgotten thee, but I will leave thee somewhat. Item, I give and bequeath to my son George seven foot of ground under the Gallowse. Good father take comfort (said George) for my hope is that you will recover, and live to enjoy that Legacy yourself. Then the daughter prayed him to give her somewhat whereby she might remember his fatherly love, Yes, quoth he, I pray write. Item, I give and bequeath to my only daughter a Whore's conditions and qualities, which as she may use them, she may live in such estate and fame that she may be mistaken for a Gentlewoman. Lastly, I do make and ordain my Neighbour here, my full Executor: and for his pains for writing my Will, I do give him and his heirs male for ever, an old shooing-horn. The ninth of September I turned my back upon Chester, (almost without taking leave) and road 15 miles to Nantwich, the tenth I road to Stone and to Lichfield, 22 miles. Of the Ancient Town of Lichfield I can say nothing (by reason of my short stay) only there is a fair and curious old Cathedral Church or Minster. And the Town hath that privilege (as mine Host told me) that they can draw and hang one another, and never trouble any other Judge, Assize, or Sessions. The eleventh I road to Faseley, Abersom, Hinckley and Dadlington, eighteen miles, where all weary and almost worn out with age and travel, I rested until Saturday the fourteenth of September, and then road eight miles to my brother Miles, at my old welcome lodging at Leicester. News from Hell, with a short description of the Hell at Westminster. NOt from that Hell where souls tormented lie In endless Death, and yet shall never die, Where gnashing cold, commixed with flames still burning, Where's entrance free, but never back returning: Where nought but horror, fiends, and torments dwell; I bring no news from that accursed Hell; Yet mine own merits are of such low price, To bar me from Celestial Paradise, And sink me in that horrid Lake infernal, But that my hope and faith is fixed supernal. The Hell I write of is well known to be A place of pleasure, and for all men free, Where wretched Ghosts are not in torments stayed, For all the pains upon the purse is laid. To find this Hell you need not travel far, 'Tis understood the high Exchequer Bar At Westminster, and those who thither venture, Do not give Cerberus a sop to enter, For Charon's fury, you need never fear it, (Although ten thousand do land somewhat near it) Within this Hell is good content and quiet, Good entertainment, various sorts of diet, Tables a score at once, in sundry places, Where hungry mouths fall to, and say short Graces, And then (in some sort) I may parallel This earthly Hell, with the infernal Hell. Hot sweltering vapours, Pots, and Cauldrons boiling, Great vehement fires, with roasting, stewing, broiling; The Cooks & Scullions, all be smeared and smoked, And in their Master's Grease well stewed & soaked, And had the Devil a stomach unto it, The Cook himself is not the rawest bit. Like as th'infernal Hell doth entertain All comers, so this Hell doth not refrain To give free welcome unto every one If money fail not, there's excepted None. This Hell is governed by a worthy Duke That Pluto like, his under fiends rebuke, There the tormenting Tapster is controlled, If courteously he Nick not (as he should) He must attend at every knock and rap, His reverend jug decked with a frothy cap, He fills and empts, and empts and fills again Like Sisyphus, he toils, but not so vain, Like Danaus' daughters, taking up, and spilling, He's always emptying, and he's never filling. Thither the Counsellor for comfort comes To rinse his toiling tongue, and wash his gums, The Client having Tityus' empty maw (His guts tormented with the Vulture Law) He coming to this Hell may find relief, Of comfortable Plumbroath, and Roast Beef. There, for your solace you may feed upon Whole Seas of Pottage, hot as Phlegeton, And midst those Seas, by art, the Cooks hath laid Small Isles of Mutton, which you may invade With stomach, knife and spoon, or tooth and nail, With these, the victory you cannot fail. Therefore this earthly Hell is easier far, Then where the miserable damned are, There's no redemption from that black Abyss, And here regress, as well as egress is, Therefore they falsely do mistake the story, To call this Hell, which is but Purgatory, For here's no Thraldom, from this place you may Get present freedom, if the shot you pay. Here followeth three Satirical Lashes or Jerks, given with the Pen of the Author, at or upon the Devil's Ars a Peak. PEns, are most dangerous Tools, more sharp by odds Then Swords, and cut more keen than Whips or Rods; Therefore (most high and mighty Duke of Dis) Commander where the Lake Avernus is, Great Lord of Limbo, S yx, and Phlegeton, Of Tartarus, Gehenna, Acheron, Most potent Monarch of black Erebus, Prince of the Triple-headed Cerberus, Sole Emperor of Darkness, and dark works, Master of Heretics, Infidels and Turks, Archflammin of hot Tophets' smouldering flames, King of Cocytus, and th'infernal streams, Earl of all Errors, and chief Dominator Of all sins done, by Earth, Air, Land, or Water, Viscount, and Baron of large Barathrum, Since I have lived to come so near your Bum, As is your wicked Worship's Ars a Peake, Though some men think my Muse is all too weak; I with my Pen do mean to yerk and firk ye, And (as I promised) with three jerkes will jerkeye. I know that many fools will jeer and frump, That I durst come so near the Devil's Rump, And lash with my poor pen Satirical, This great Don Diego Diabolical: But I would have him and his friends to know, I jeer him not, for all his Bugbear show: 'Tis known that he, and all that him attend, To any Poet never was a friend: And therefore now I daring him oppose, And jerk his hellish Majesty in Prose. ALthough you (great Master of the perpetual Hothouse) Don sell de Lucifer, have on the Earth in all places and Countries many multitudes of damnable sons, friends, and servants, to oppose me and take your part, yet I being come so near your Podex, must jerk your breech with my Satire Pendragonly Goose quill, you know that reproof is as ill taken as correction by the ungracious. Therefore although you are so bad that you are quite past any mending, yet your graceless Majesty may be lawfully touched by reprehending; you have been a Cheater ever since the Creation, and in that Art of Cozening, youfirst cheated yourself of everlasting happiness, and gained thereby perpetual perdition, and ever since you have played Hocus Pocus, and with your tricks, sleights, and juggling Legerdemain, done your best to draw all the whole Race of Mankind after you into your Kingdom of Cimmerian Tenebrositie; you taught our first Parent's Infidelity, Pride, Disobedience and Lying, which qualities of theirs are so naturally descended to us, that (by your industrious instigation) we do continually show (by our lives and conversations) of what house we came. By their example of believing too much in you, we are grown incredulous in things which most concerns our better and best of being, and we are so enured and practised in lying, (by your inspiration being the father of lies) that we are doubtful to believe one another. And yet (like the Cretans) with long use and custom, we do many times believe our own lies to be true. May it please your infernal Hell-hood to take into your execrable consideration, that you were the first inventor of the most ignoble Science of Offence, you taught Cain the Imbrocado, and showed him how to murder his Brother, and from that time to this, the Art of Murdering, Killing, and Cutting Throats hath been universally and perfectly learned and practised. You have been the inventor of all manner of destroying Weapons, from the high degree of the Welsh-hook, to the lower descent of the Tailor's Bodkin; and in these later times you (with the help of a Friar) have devisde a burning, smouldering, most Hellish and undefencible mischief that murders men by heaps, and (with a powder) can blow whole Kingdoms into the Firmament; and for the innumerable Engines that are daily used and cast for such uses, your most high and Imperial malediction have declared yourself an excellent Artist, from the double Cannon to the Elder Gun-mines, Countermines, Petards, Granades, Fireworks, Wildfire, and the Devil and all do continually seek and work the destruction of miserable Mankind. You are a great Traveller, and will take the paînes to compass the whole earth to find a just man, on purpose to do him a mischief, but for a crew of common Drunkards, Rascals, Bawds and Whores, you know you need not wet your foot to seek them, they are your own already, and by your good will, you would fill Hell so full, that Heaven should have but a few. And so let that pass for one and the first Jerke. SEcondly, you know that there is but one narrow way to happiness, and many ways to your Zona Torrida, Frigida, (for all those large ways do meet in one at the last, and bring poor souls into your pestiferous Pursnet) some go by the way of Sodom, to find out your most damnable Mansion, some by the way of Incest, some by Adultery, some by Fornication (for they say you are the Master of the Honourable and Worshipful Company and Brotherhood of the Fornicators) in which regard you are a great friend to Parators & Panders. You showed Cham the way how to deride his father, by which example a company of Chammists, have ever since practised not only to mock, scoff, and abuse their natural parents, but also to contemn, rail and revile against Kings and Princes, who are the Royal Fathers of Terrestrial Government, and further to despise, slight, and libel against the most Reverend Fathers, the Stewards and painful Dispenser's of the spiritual food of Eternity; you directed Corah and his Complices the high rode-way to murmur; Achitophel to give wicked counsel, and Absalon to rebel and usurp; you showed joab the way to Treachery, Achan tosteale, jobs wife to abuse her husband, from whom the most part of women (like apt scholars) are very expert in that kind of miserable mystery. You put Gehezi into the highway of taking a bribe, and it is too well known what a wicked number of followers he hath had of all degrees, from the Sceptre to the Swain, from the black Gown to the buckrum bag. You directed Nabal (who Anagrammatized or lead backward is Laban) to be as churlish as a Hog, from whom miserable Dives hath perfectly learned the way to true misery, you taught Nimrod the way to tyrannize, and enclose and encroach upon Land and Territories, which hath been the bounding, mounding, and curtalling of Commons. The raising of Ambition, Pride, Voluptuousness, and such earthly virtues of accursed Greatness, and to the Almighty making of Beggars. You tie fast the Rich man's purse, and let lose the poor man's curse, you instructed Pharaoh, Senacherib, and Rabsheka in the way ofblasphemy, and from those Hellish precedents their wickedness is daily impiously imitated, Shimei was one of your Anathema profound Scholars, and from you he learned to curse the Lords Anointed extempore: once (as I have read) you were so addicted to peace and unity that you made Herod and Pilate friends, who were hateful enemies, but afterwards your Hypocrisy was found, that it was your plot to destroy innocence: you made Demas to forsake the Truth, and embrace the World (your wicked sister:) you have never been unprovided of a kennel of Whores, Queans, and Concubines, to tempt and draw the wisest men to folly, and for him that is most strong (in his own opinion) you have always one darling sin or other to fit his disposition, constitution, inclination, or humour, that like a Dalilah shall weaken him, or quite overthrow him. And this shall suffice for the second jerk. THirdly and lastly, you know that your end draws nigh, and therefore now you rave, rage, and are more mad than ever you were, you know that after Doomsday, that you shall have no more power over Mortals, than you shall be for ever chained in your Den like a Dog in a Kennel; and therefore now you with all double diligence, do endeavour to do your best to do your worst, and as much as in you lieth, you draw us from bad to worse, and from worse to worst. The Hypo crite (by your intcitement) doth vizard all his villainy, with the mask or veil of virtue; he follows the steps of Ananias and Saphira to a hair, he with his sour look shrowds a lofty mind. You have scattered pride into as many shapes as Proteus, so that a proud fashion hunter (if either money or credit will furnish him) will transform himself into as many forms as you can do; our Roarers (who by your pestiferous favour are styled the damned crew) are so given to most unhallowed meditation, that they lie a bed almost till Dinner time to study new oaths, to vent at this Ordinary, at Bowls, cockfighting, Horse-race, Whore-house, or any other place of Gentleman like or noble exercise; and as you have taught them to swear without fear, so they do often forswear without shame: although sometimes they hazard their ears, as they do their souls. Youset bad Projectors (and unprofitable) a work, as thick as Crab-lice or Caterpillars, and it is no doubt but you will deal so justly with them, that you will pay them their wages, & after you have set them a gog (with a vengeance) to do injury with a mischief. You are so skilful in Physic, that you have made too many believe that the loss of a Maidenhead is an approved and speedy Medicine for the Green sickness. Poets, Painters (and some few Courtiers) you have so well taught that they can flatter most artificially with Pen, Picture, and by word of mouth. It is long of you that what ever the Choplin and the Chaplin liath, yet the thin-checked Chiplin hath nothing at all. I know a poor Curate that comes and goes a mile every Sunday, be it Winter or Summer, all manner of weathers, sometimes wet to the skin, and preaches once a week (on Sundays) for bare five pound a year, the Tithe being valued at fix y pound per annum, so that the miserable Stipend or Hireling wages will hardly buy wood to make a fire for him when he comes home to dry him, when he s through wet. This is your work (Monsieur Diabola) for it is your inspiration to put such wrangling spirits into Impropriatours, that for the not paying of a tenth Pudding or a tithe Egg the Law must take his course. You have brought the Schismatical Separatist to be as unconformable as yourself, for (like you) they cannot bide theCrosse or the sign of it (if it be not upon money) and you have made them as unmannerly as yourself, for they will not move a Hat, or Bow a Knee at the Name of our Saviour, and they are waxed as slovenly as you can make them, for they hate clean Linen, and all order, neatness and decency in the Church; And you have long practised a politic slight, which is, that when a Reverend Pastor is painfully and carefully preaching to his Audience, instructing them how to avoid your snares and traps; than you are so angry and impatient when you are told of your faults, and hear your damnable devices laid open, that you could afford to pull the Preacher out of the Pulpit by the ears, or to tear him in pieces, but that he is so happy that you have no power over him: your inveterate malice being limited, curbed, and snaffled by an unresistable High and omnipotent power, and he very well understands and knows in whose service he is, and whose Embassage he delivers, and therefore is so valiant that he neither fears or cares a rush for you; which your imperial malevolence perceiving, you have another trick for him, which is to lull the people asleep, (of which number many times the best of the Parish are some) by which means you do debar them of what they should hear, and in the mean time, the Preacher speaks to the bare walls. And I am persuaded that is against your will, that there is any good Preacher living, and seeing they do live (in despite of you) and that by their care & industry they do now and then violently pluck a soul from you, in revenge thereof you chiefly seek their confusion, either by war, slander, or starving them through want of means. Yet this much may be spoken as one of your good parts, which is, that you were never known to be drunk, and though you never walk uprightly, yet you never stumbled, you were never so foxed but you knew the way home (and the troth is, you are so bold, that you would make every place your home.) The Court, the City, the Country, the Palace, the Castle, the Cottage, and the Church and all, you are so audacious either to enter them by force, or else to insinuate and sneak into them by craft and subtlety. And though you are no drunkard, yet you do love the whole Rabble of them so well, that you are unwilling to lose one of them all, but my hope is better. For if they leave it and mend their manners as they should do, the Devil the one of them you are like to have. You have the art to make great Scholar to learn Retrograde, for if a man be never so good a Grammarian, and hath Greek and Latin as perfect as Homer or Virgil, yet (if he be married) you do too often teach his wife the way to read him backward, like an Hebrician, and though he be never so well skilled in learned Volumes, and the seven liberal Arts, yet she puts him again into his Hornbook. You have so much Devotion in you, that you do assist those Brethren that do pray zealously, that they may be disobedient with a safe conscience, and you make them so stout and valiant that some of them are more able to do more service in a white sheet than the honestest man in a whole Shire can do. You know that the Projector would be an honest man if he did not keep company with himself, therefore you might do somewhat to be talked off, if you would separate him. It is a scurvy fashion of your devising, that wisemen in Russet, must reverence and stand bare to silken fools; but to conclude, you have gotten such a freedom that you have a finger in all Trades, and an Oar in every man's Boat, nor was there ever any bad thought, word, or deed, imagined, spoken, or committed since the Creation, but you were at the middle and both ends of it; and I do remember that I have read how once you bragged, boasted and promised to give all the kingdoms of the world to be worshipped, and afterward you were in that poor roguish case, that you were fain to ask leave to take possession of a silly Hog. In which manner of vainglorious ostentation, bragging and boasting, the most part of men are expert, and to promise much, and perform nothing, is so easy a lesson of your teaching, that many great men are more ready and perfect in it then in their Pater nester. And now you Grand Master of mischief, you may truss up your hose, for at this time my Pen is worn blunt, my Inkhorn dry and myself weary with jerking, where correction is in pain, and no possibility of no amendment. Thus after the expense of much money, and ten week's time, having ridden 645 miles (of sundry measures and sizes) all weary and almost monylesse, I returned to London on Friday the twentieth of September, 1639. FINIS.