Stripping, Whipping, and Pumping.  
OR, The five mad Shavers of Drury-Lane; Strangely Acted, and truly Related.  
Done in the Period, latter end, Tail, or Rump of the Dogged Dog-days, last passed, August. 1638.  
Together with the names of the several parties which were Actors in this foul business.  
LONDON: Printed by I. O. for T. Lambert. 1638.   

Stripping, Whipping, and Pumping: OR, The Five mad Shavers of Drury-lane.  
WIthin the large Circumference of this great Theatre, and Stage of the World, all people, Kingdoms, and Nations, Males or Females, of all ages and degrees, are Actors of such parts as they have studied, either from the Rules and Inspirations of Virtue, or from their own inclinations, and Satan's suggestions to Vice. And the Devil w●ll knowing our frail and weak conditions and instability, doth every day and hour (like a cunning juggler or a Gipsy) devise new Tumbling casts and feats of Activity 〈◊〉 allure and delight the minds of as many as he finds to be addicted to take pleasure in his Legerdemain. He gives a false sweete-seeming relish to the Drunkard's Cup, he ●ars the Glutton against the day of slaughter, he tips the Blaspheamers tongue with Oaths and Curses, he where's the Slanderers and backbiters speech, and makes it keen and cutting; he teaches the rare and ancient Ar● of Lying, (and hath 〈◊〉 innumerable ●umber of apt 〈…〉 Scholl●●s) he turns ang 〈…〉 venge, Revenge into Murd 〈…〉 to Impiety, Truth into Thefts Love into Jealousy, Jealousy into hatred and madness; and (in a word) to sum up all together, the Devil doth labour daily, and all his endeavour is wholly bend to make work for the Hangman, and draw souls to his Infernal Kingdom.  
And amongst all the ●icks and sleights which this Grand cunning Master of mischief doth use, to bring us to destruction with all, there is no one policy of his that is more prevalent and advantageous to him, than is the sowing of discord and debate betwixt Man and Wife; and although he hath a thousand innumerable ways for the effecting of his damnable projects and purposes, yet Jealousy is the chief and main Engine to bring it so to pass, that modesty shall be turned into madness, peace into strife, and love into hatred and mischief, as shall be showed in this short following Treatise.  
About the latter end of August last, 1638. this hellish fire of Jealousy did most strangely inflame five Women, whom my Pen should not name, nor should they be known by any writing of mine, but that they and their mad and barbarous proceedings are too much true, and too many ways scattered and spread abroad by sundry Pens and Tongues, some of them making the matter that was (and is) bad enough already, worse; some mincing it, to make it better; some for affection, some for malice; some for flattery, and some as their idle and various humours please, do report it as they list to frame it, not caring whether they speak or write truth or falsehood. The matter hath been Rhymed upon beyond Reason, and therefore I hold it Reason it should be related with truth, and thus it was.  
At the time, or near the time aforesaid, one Master Evans, a Barber in Drury-lane, did chance to meet with one joan Ilsley in the Street, and belike the woman had formerly kept the said Evans his wife when she lay in Childbed, in which season (of Gander-month or Wander-month) perhaps the suspicious woman began to be a little enkindled with the sparkles of jealousy: but suspicion is no proofs but Evans afterwards, when he by chance once met the woman, offered her ● Pint of Wine, which after some denial was at last accepted: So in they went to a Tavern (the Sign of the Phoenix) n●●re the lower end of Drury-lane, behind, or on the backside of the Bell, which is an Inn and a Tavern in the Eastern part of the Strand: But they being over their one Pint, in a low Room, and a Drawer standing at the Tables end, the one sitting on one side of the Board, and the other on the other side, so that there neither was nor could be any immodesty said or done at that time: but some busybody or other went and told Evans his wife, that her Husband was at the Tavern drinking with joan Ilsley, whereupon she went in a heat to the Phoenix, and found them there, upon whom she bestowed such hot and hasty language as her tongue could afford, which made them break company, (some of the words were, she told the said joan that she was naught with her Husband) But some few days after, Mistress Evans (being still jealously angry) did break her mind to some women, her neighbours, and withal made a show to joan that her anger was passed against her, so that agreement was made, that a Pig should be eaten at Mistress Evans her house at night, and that in a fair seeming way joan Ilsly should be sent for as a loving guest invited to the Pig.  
At the time appointed the Pig was roasted, and the women dissembled, were assembled, and simple joan was sent for, who (poor wench) not suspecting the sharpness or sourness of the Feast, suspecting nothing, went to them, and being come amongst them, they seemed very friendly and courteously to entertain and bid her welcome: to whom Mistress Evans said, 〈◊〉 prithee joan, thou art well acquainted with my house, go up into the upper Chamber, and fetch down some stools for us to sit on, so innocent joan went quickly up the stairs for stools, and presently there followed her three of the five Women, to wit, Evans Wife, one Cox his Wife, and one Fosters Wife; these three had with them a per●iworth of Birchin Rods, after whom followed the other two, to wit, one Smiths wife a Broker, & one Mistress Lee a widow, than they began to revile her in most strange manner, and withal to lay hands on her, to pluck her clothes violently off from her body, but she resisted and strove and struggled with them as long as she could, till at last they tore her apparel off from her, then having her naked, they began their execution, some to hold her, and some to whip her, so that the smart, and their harsh usage enforced her to begin to cry; which they perceiving stopped her mouth ●ith a clout or a handkerchief: Then ●the first pennyworth of rods being wasted to the st●mps they fetched, or sent for two pennyworth more● and after they had whipped them out upon her, they sent for one pennyworth more: (still stopping her mouth, that her crying might not be heard) She being thus naked, and all gore-bloody, they called up 〈…〉 bade him bring up a Basin of water, & a Razor, which the boy did; but when he came within the Chamber door he was abashed and ashamed, and threw down the Razor and Basin, running down the stairs as fast as he could: the one of the women took up the Razor, meaning to do I know not what with it. But joan being used thus harshly by them, and in bodily fear of some worse abuse, did strive against them, in which scuming she received a cut, or wound in her back, near the shoulder, with the Razor.  
This extremity being past, these Women (if I may so call them) had 〈◊〉 much modesty as to make fast 〈◊〉 Apron, or half a Kir●●e before her, over the forepart of her body, and as she was, being cut, whipped, and all bloody over, they haled and thrust her down the stairs, and pumped her at a Pump which was in Evans his back ●ide: after that they thrust her into the street, (i● being between ten, and eleven of the Clock at night) and from the street (or Dr●ry Lane) they pulled and ●ug●●her (with her hair about her ears) into a Court called Reine-Deere Court, where at a Pump they held her under the spout, and pumped Water upon her, and used her more shamefully than is fit to write of, still stopping her mouth with a clouts also in the Yard, at the last Pump, there were two men that did abuse her, one Smith was one: but she striving with them had her Kirtle or Apron torn off from her, so ●●at she had nothing to cover her ●●rkasse, but the darkness of the Night.  
At last this bu●ling was overheard by an honest Coachman, whose name is Thomas Finch, who marvailing what it might be that made such a stir at that time of night: he and his Wife coming to the Pump, finding a Woman in such a pitiful plight, so handled by such rough and pitiless Creatures, he (in humanity) rescued her from them, and suddenly plucked off his Horseman's Coat, and covered her nakedness: whereupon her Adversaries (or lawless executioners) all forsook her, and dispersed themselves, it is no great matter whither.  
The Coachman demanded of the poor abused creature what she was, and wherefore they had used her so cruelly: and she answered, that she was a poor young Woman that did get her living by Nursing and keeping of Childbed Women, and also that sometimes she did attend and kee●● sick folks, and that she at that ti●● was a Keeper or Waiter on a si●ke Gentleman (a Captain) at the sign of the Helmet in the Strand: he asked her further where her clothes were, and wherefore those women had used her so? and she answered him, that they had torn and rend her clothes in pieces, and also that she had five shillings of money in one of her Pockets: whereupon the Coachman did pity her hard estate and usage, and withal did bring her presently home to the aforesaid Sign of the Helmet, where she dwelled, and doth remain yet to this twelfth of October, 1638. being much bruised and hurt, and spits blood.  
Now Reader I imagine you have not heard of such a mad crew of Shavers, Whippers, and politic Pumpers; nor do I think that any Pen, or relation of tongue or History doth mention the like.  
After she had recovered a little strength, she procured Warrants from 〈◊〉 Justice of the Peace; which when the matter was heard and understood, they were bound all of them to answer for this outrage to the Woman, the spoiling of her, and her Apparel, and the loss of her money; but they did put in good Bail for their appearance at the Sessions, and on the eight and twentieth of September they went to Westminster to save their Bail and Recognisence: (Quarter Sessions being then holden there) from which trial, they have by a Writ of Sursarara removed their cause up to the right honourable Court of King's Bench, but as they were returning homeward, some women (belike that had heard of their desperate and unmannerly exploits) as soon as they saw them pass did rail on them, and revile them most scoldingly eloquent; and withal so embroidered them with dirt, which they cast at them, that they seemed more like Ladies of the soil, than women of any mean degree. And thus have these five foolish women run●● themselves into six pecks of trouble: How it will be answered and ended time will show, if the Reader hath the patience to stay so long.  
These are the fruits of mad-braind, Harebrained, shallow-braind jealousy; for as the Pedigree of cure (or remedy) may be thus delineated: Itch begat Scratch ● Scratch was the Father of Scab; Scab begat Sore, to whom Smart succeeded; then Smart was the Father of Pain; Paine begat Grief, who was the Sire of Care, and Care begat Cure: So Idle thoughts are the fathers of Whisper; Whisper begat Prattling, Babbling, Talking, Lying, Slandering; these Mongrels are for the most part begotten at Gossip, and are the incurable Issues or Fistulas of wicked minds: from them Fame sends out Rumour, Report, and Hearsay; and they set Malice, Backebiting, and Slander on work, who are so double diligent in their damnable Devices, that they do never cease working, till such time as they have h●led Jealousy by the ears out of the Dungeon of Hell: and sure there is no Tiger or Bear when they are robbed, or bereft of their Whelps, so devilish mad as a jealous man or woman.  
It hath been indeed too often known that Beauty hath been the ruin of Chastity, (if grace guide and guard it not) and as the flattery of men may overcome the weakness of women, so the wiles and snares of subtle Strumpets have entangled and ruined too many men; for ●ole, Deianeira, and Omphale, were too hard for Hercules, and one of them made him lay by his Club, and fall to spinning with a Distaff. The Queen of Love subdued the god of War, and the same Venus' naked, did foil Pallas who was armed on Mount Ida: and whosoever he be that sow's kisses on such lips as are lasciviously manured with the dung of temptation, shall be sure to reap 〈◊〉 Harvest either of contempt, diseases, beggary, and defamation; for the world is full of examples and precedents of many thousand, that have reaped such a crop as they have sown.  
That man that is yoked with a scold, that will be jealous without cause; o●●ly because she will be so; and for that surmise and slander she like a Devil doth make her house her Husbands continual Hell: Surely such a man is partly happy, if withal he hath the virtue of Patience, (as wife Socrates had with his Xantippe) for he that is matched with such a Fiend, hath no need to care where he goes, nor what society he keeps; nor hath he reason to be afraid of any harm that any wicked company can do him, for the Devil himself will not hurt him that is matched with one of his Sister. But if any shuttle-witted fellow, that is wedded to a chaste and modest woman, and is so far troubled with a wild buzzing gadfly in his brains, that he nothing but dreams of supposed invisible Horns, such a kind of Cacadudgeon Coxcomb, doth justly deserve to have been matched to a wench whose heels had been lighter than his head, and then he might meritoriously have made a Comb of a Fire-fork, and worn an Oxe-feather in his Hat without wrong or injury: in a word, there is nothing can grieve or torment the heart either of a good man or woman, than to find their truth, constancy, loyalty, and honest integrity suspected or questioned; for let it be truly weighed and considered, what hurt or occasion of suspicion can be for a man to give a woman a part of one Pint of wine, in an open low room in a public Tavern? it is not to be doubted but such accidents do happen daily, at the least a thousand, and yet for all that there is not one Whore or Cuckold the more: but when as rashness adds waxen wings (like those of Icarus) of indiscretion and inconsideration, and that either the man or the woman are mounted or soared aloft to the height of Love-killing hellborn jealousy, then doth the furious heat and flame of rage melt those deceitful and suspicious wings, wings whereby the jealous party drops and tumbles down headlong into the bottomless Ocean of irreperable disgrace and infamy.  
The envy and inveterate hate of wicked women is almost past thought; Envy is the mistress of injustice; it stirreth and inciteth both the thought and the hand to all ill and wicked actions: and that envy which is secret and hidden, is more to be feared than that which is open and manifest: such was the secret malice of this Barber's wife, whose jealousy did burn a great while within her, and at length her envy did burst out into a flame, and so hath brought ruin and disgrace to her and her Husband, which is so far distant: And if any woman be so full of wrath and revengeful as this woman is, and her associates, and especially if they know that they have power of command, or authority, they will soon bring all to destruction: for they will plot either to poison, stob, or else some their way make their will and passions their Law: and therefore I advise all to learn this saying, rather to be afraid of that renown and credit which is dishonest and shameful, for they plotted this business, because they would he talked on hereafter. Suppose this I●●●e had been guilty of a fault, must these Women be their own revengers, their own witnesses, their own Judges? must they have the Law in ●●eir own hands, thus to usurpe● 〈◊〉 wholesome Laws, and make havo●● of a woman in this un●ill mann●●● Women shall I call them● nay, rather monsters: or else some evil spirit in their shapes, to commit such inhuman and unnatural acts as these: such actions they be that are past example, nay; never the like heard of, to commit such uncivil actions, and upon their own Sex, whose civil carriage should be example to the younger sort; their actions were such, as I said before, that I blush to relate them, and ought not to be divulged no louder than a whisper: The Heathens that knew not God would not have done the like: nay, the wild beasts of the wilderness would have pursued to de●th such beasts as rapined and live upon the spoil of other beasts; they themselves punish, and shall these creatures hate these acts which a Christian commits, and we commit them? but their punishment no doubt will be inflicted upon them according to their deserts; and my second part, which I will shortly publish, shall show their confessions and their punishments: And so I end this Relation, wishing their sufferings may be an example to others, that none dare attempt such uncivil and immodest actions hereafter.  
FINIS.