TAILORS FAREWELL, TO THE TOWER BOTTLES.  
Printed at Dort. 1622.   

The Argument.  
About Three hundred and Twenty years since, or thereabouts, (I think in the Reign of King Richard the Second) there was a gift given to the Tower, or to the Lieutenants thereof, for the 〈◊〉 then and for ever being, which gift was Two black leather Bottles, or Bombards of Wine, from every Ship that brought Wine into the River of Thames; the which hath so continued until this day, but the Merchant's finding themselves aggrieved lately because they thought the Bottles were made bigger than they wer● formerly wont to be, did wage Law with the Lieutenant (Sir Geruis Helwis by Name) in which Suit the Lieutenant had been overthrown, but for such Witnesses as I found that know his Righ● for a long time in their own knowledge. But I having had th● Gathering of these Wines for many years, was at last Discarded from my place because I would not Buy it, which because it wa● never bought or sold before, I would not or durst not venture vpo● so unhonest a novelty, it being sold indeed at so high a Rate, tha● who so bought it must pay thrice the value for it: whereupon ● took occansion to take leave of the Bottles in this following Poem, i● which the Reader must be very melancholy, if the reading thereo● 〈◊〉 not make him very merry.  
JOHN TAYLOR.   

TAILOR'S Farewell, to the Tower-Bottles.  
BY your leave Gentlemen, I'll make some sport,  
Although I venture half a hanging for't:  
But yet I will no peace or manners break  
For I to none but Leather-bottles speak.  
No Anger spurs me forward, or despite  
In smooth plain Verse I talk of wrong and Right.  
The Loser may speak, when the Winner wins,  
And madly merrily my Muse begins.  
Mad Bedlam Tom, assist me in thy Rags,  
Lend me thy Army of foul Fiends and Hags:  
Hobgoblins, Elves, fair Fairies, and foul Furies,  
Let me have twelve Groce of Infernal juries,  
With Robin Goodfellow, and bloody Bone  
Assist my merry Muse, all, every one.  
I will not call to the 
a The 9 Muses  Pegassian Nine,  
In this they shall not aid me in a Line:  
Their favours I'll reserve, till fitter time,  
To grace some better business with my Rhyme,  
Plain homespun stuff shall now proceed from me,  
Much like unto the Picture of 
b The picture of 2. fools, & the third looking on, I do ficly compare with the two black Bottles and myself.  we Three.  
And now I talk of three, just three we are,  
Two false black Bottles, and myself at jar,  
And Reader when you read our cause of strife,  
You'll laugh or else lie down, He lay my life,  
But as Remembrance lamely can rehearse,  
In sport I'll rip the matter up in Verse.  
Yet first, here down I think it fit to set  
By what means first, I with those Bottles met.  
Then stroke your Beards my Masters, and give care,  
I was a Waterman twice Four long year,  
And lived in a Contented happy state,  
Then turned the whirling wheel of fickle Fate,  
From Water unto Wine: Sir William Waad  
Did freely, and for nothing turn my trade.  
Ten years almost the place I did Retain,  
And 
c I filled the 2 bottles, being in quantity 6. Gallons from every Ship that brought Wines up the River of Thames.  gleaned Great Bacchus' blood from France and Spain,  
Few Ships my visitation did escape,  
That brought the sprightful liquor of the Grape:  
My Bottles and myself did oft agree,  
Full to the Top, all merry came We three.  
Yet always 'twas my chance in Bacchus' spite,  
To come into the Tower unfoxed upright.  
But as men's thoughts a world of ways do range,  
So as Lieutenants changed, did Customs 
d The Wines had been continually brought into the Leiutenants' seller of the Tower for the space of 3●6 years, & never sold till now of late within this 4. or five years.  change:  
The Ancient use, used many years before,  
Was fold, unto the highest Rate and more,  
At such a price, which whosoever did give,  
Must play the Thief, or could not save and live.  
Which to my loss, I manifestly found  
I am well sure it cost me Thirty pound  
For One year, but before the next year come,  
'Twas almost mounted to a double 
e It was sold at these hard Rates by another Lieutenant, (an honest religious Gentleman, and a good housekeeper) by the persuasions of some of his double diligent Servants.  sum:  
Then I, in scorn, Contempt, and vile disgrace,  
Discarded was, and thrust quite from my place,  
There Bacchus almost cast me in the mire,  
And I from Wine to Water did retire.  
But when the blind misjudging world did see,  
The strange unlooked for parting of us Three,  
To hear but how the multitude did judge,  
How they did mutter, mumble, prate and grudge,  
That for some 
f Against all the world I oppose myself in this point, but yet I purpose to confess more than any can accuse me of.  faults I surely had committed,  
I, in disgrace thus from my place was quitted.  
These Imputations grieved me to the heart,  
(For they were causeless, and without desert)  
And therefore though no man above the Ground  
That knew the Bottles, would give Twenty 
g Except he were a fool or a mad man.  pound  
Rather than I would branded be with shame,  
And bear the burden of desertless blame,  
To be an Owl, contemptuously bewondred,  
I would give 
h I did hear that the lieutenant was to leave his place, which made me bargain with him at any price, in hope that he would not stay the full Receiving, which fell out as I wished it.  Threescore, fourscore, or a hundred.  
For I did vow, although I were undone,  
I would redeem my Credit overrun,  
And 'tis much better in a jail to Rot,  
To suffer begg'ry, slavery, or what not,  
Then to be blasted with that wrong of wrongs,  
Which is the poison of Backbiting tongues.  
Hoisted aloft unto this mounting tax,  
Bound fast in Bonds in Parchment and with wax,  
Time galloped, and brought on the payment day,  
And for three Months, I Eighteen pounds did pay.  
Then I confess, I played the Thief in grain,  
And for one Bottle, commonly stole twain.  
But who so buys the place, and means to thrive,  
Must many times for One take four or five.  
For this I will maintain and verify,  
It is an Office no true man can buy.  
And by that Reason, sure I should say well,  
It is unfit for any man to sell:  
For till at such an extreme Rate I bought,  
To filch or steal, I scarcely had a thought.  
And I dare make a vow 'fore God and men,  
I never played the Thief so much as then.  
But at the last my friendly stars agreed,  
That from my heavy bonds I should be 
i That Lieutenant left his place, by which I was eased of my hard payments.  freed:  
Which if I ever come into again,  
Let hanging be the Guerdon for my pain.  
Then the 
k By this Lieutenant that now is.  old Custom did again begin,  
And to the Tower I brought the Bottles in,  
For which for serving more than half a year,  
I (with much love) had Wages and good Cheer,  
Till one 
l A desperate Clothworker that did hunger and thirst to undo himself.  most valiant, ignorantly stout,  
Did buy, and over-buy, and buy me out.  
Thus like Time's Football was I often tossed  
In Dock out Nettle, up down, blest and crossed,  
Outfaced and faced, graced and again disgraced,  
And as blind Fortune pleased, displaced or placed.  
And thus, for aught my 
m Augury is a kind of Sooth saying, by the flight of birds.  Augury can see  
Divorced and parted ever are we Three.  
Old Nabaoth, my case is much worse than thine,  
Thou but thy Vineyard lost, I lost the Wine:  
Two witnesses (for bribes) thee false accused,  
(Perhaps) some prating Knaves hath me abused:  
Yet thy wrong's more than mine, the Reason why,  
For thou wast 
n Nabaoth was stoned to death, so am not I.  stoned to death, so am not I.  
But as the dogs did eat the flesh and gore  
Of jezabel, that Royal painted Whore,  
So may the Gallows eat some friends of mine,  
That first strived to remove me from the Wine.  
This may by some misfortune, be their lot,  
Although that any way I wish it not▪  
But farewell Bottles, never to return,  
Weep you in Sack, whilst I in Ale will mourn;  
Yet though you have no reason, wit, or sense,  
I'll senseless chide you for your vile offence,  
That from your foster father me, would slide  
To dwell with Ignorance, 
My Bottles do deserve a little reproof.  a blindfold guide,  
For who in Britain knew (but I) to use you,  
And who but I knew how but to abuse you;  
My speech to you, no Action sure can bear,  
From Scandala magnatum I am clear.  
When Vpland Tradesmen thus dares take in hand  
A wat'ry buis'nesse, they not understand:  
It did presage things would turn topsie turuie,  
And the conclusion of it would be scurvy.  
But leaving him unto the course of Fate,  
Bottles let you and I a while debate,  
Call your extravagant wild humours home,  
And think but whom you are departed from;  
I that for your sakes have given stabs and stripes▪  
To give you suck from Hogsheads and from Pipes,  
I that with pains and care you long have ●urst,  
Oft filled you with the best, and left the worst.  
And to maintain you full would often pierce  
The best of Butts, a Puncheon, or a ●ierce,  
Whilst Pipes and Sackbuts were the Instruments  
That I played on, to fill your full contents.  
With Bastart, Sack, with Allegant, and Rhenish,  
Your hungry maws I often did replenish,  
With Malmesy, Muskadel, and Corcica,  
With White, Red, Claret, and Liatica,  
With Hollocke, Sherant, Malliga, Canara,  
I stuffed your sides up with a sursarara,  
That though the world was hard, my care was still,  
To search and labour you might have your fill.  
That when my Master did or Sup or Dine,  
He had his choice of 
p This was a credit to the King's Castle and to the Lieutenant thereof.  Fifteen sorts of Wine.  
And as good Wines they were, I dare be bold,  
As any Seller in this Land did hold.  
Thus from these Bottles I made honour spring,  
Befitting for the Castle of a King.  
This Royalty, my labour did maintain,  
When I had meat and wages for my pain.  
Ingrateful Bottles, take it not amiss  
That I, of your unkindness tell you this,  
Sure if you could speak, you would say in brief,  
Your greatest want, was still my greatest grief.  
Did I not often in my bosom hug you,  
And in mine arms would (like a Father) lug you,  
Have I not run through Tempests, gusts and storms,  
And met with danger in strange various forms,  
All times and Tides, with, and against the stream,  
Your welfare ever was my labour's Theme.  
Sleet, Raine, hail, wind, or Winter's frosty chaps,  
Ioues Lightning, or his dreadful Thunderclaps,  
When all the Elements in one Conspire,  
Sad Earth, sharp Air, rough Water, flashing Fire,  
Have warred on one another, as if all  
This world of nothing, would to nothing fall.  
When showering hayleshot, from the storming heaven  
Nor blustering Gusts by Eol's belching driven,  
Could hold me back, then oft I searched and sought,  
And found, and unto you the purchase brought.  
All weathers, fair, foul, Sunshine, wet and dry,  
I travailed still your paunches to supply.  
Oft have I fought, and swaggered in your Right,  
And filled you still by either sleight or might.  
And in th'exchequer I stood for your Cause,  
Else had you been confounded by the Laws.  
I did produce such 
q I found and brought 3. witnesses that knew, & took their Oaths for the quantities of the Bottles for 50. years.  witnesses, which crossed  
The Merchant's suit, else you had quite been lost,  
And (but for me) apparently 'tis known,  
You had been Kicksie winsie overthrown,  
And for my service, and my much pains taken,  
I am cashiered, abandoned, and forsaken.  
I knew it well, and said, and swore it too,  
That he that bought you would himself undo,  
And I was promised, that when he gave o'er,  
That I should fill you, as I did before,  
For which Four years with patience I did stay,  
Expecting he would break, or run away,  
Which though it be fall'n out as I expected,  
Yet ne'ertheless my service is rejected.  
Let men judge if I have not cause to write  
Against my Fortune, and the world's despite,  
That in my prime of strength, so long a 
r 14. years.  space,  
I toiled and drudged, in such a gainelesse place,  
Whereas the best part of my life I spent,  
And (to my power) gave every man content,  
In all which time which I did then remain,  
I gave no man occasion to complain,  
For unto all that know me I appeal,  
To speak if well or ill I used to deal,  
Or if there be the least abuse in me,  
For which I thus from you should sundered be.  
For though my profit by you was but small,  
Yet sure my Gain was love in general  
And that I do not lie, not speak amiss,  
I can bring hundreds that can witness this,  
Yet for all this I ever am put off,  
And made a scorn, a by word and a scoff.  
It must some Villain's information be,  
That hath maliciously abused me,  
But if I knew the misinforming else,  
I would write lines should make him hang himself.  
Be he a Great man that doth use me ill,  
(That makes his will his Law, and Law his will)  
I hold a Poor man may that Great man tell,  
How that in doing ill, he doth not well.  
But Bottles black, once more have at your breech,  
For unto you I only bend my speech  
Full fourteen times had Sols illustrious Rays,  
Ran through the Zodiac, when I spent my days  
To conserve, reserve, preserve and deserve  
Your loves, when you with wants were like to starve.  
A Groce of Moons, and twice 12. months beside,  
I have attended you all times and tides.  
If I gained Twelvepences by you all that time,  
May I to Tyburn for promotion Climb,  
For though the blind world understand it not,  
I know there's nothing by you can be got,  
Except a drunken pate, a scurvy word,  
And now and then be tumbled overboard,  
And though these mischiefs I have kept me fro,  
No other Bottleman could e'er do so.  
'tis known you have been stabbed, thrown in the Thames,  
And he that filled you beaten, with exclaims,  
By Merchants, who have much abused been  
Which Exigents, I never brought you in,  
But I with peace and quietness got more,  
Then any brabbling e'er could do before.  
The Warders knows, each Bottleman (but I)  
Had always a cracked crown, or a black eye,  
Oft beaten like a Dog, with a scratched face,  
Turned empty beaten back with vile disgrace.  
These injuries myself did bring in quiet,  
And still with peace I filled you free from Riot.  
My labours have been dedicated to you,  
And you have dealt with me, as with a jew,  
For unto thousand witnesses 'tis known,  
I did esteem your welfare as mine own.  
But an objection from my words may run,  
That seeing nothing by you may be won,  
Why I do keep this deal of do about you  
When as I say, I can live best without you.  
I answer, though no profit you do bring,  
Yet there is many a profitable thing,  
Which I of 
s This course never came into my mind in 14. years, whilst I kept the place.  Mariners might often buy,  
Which unto me would yield commodity.  
And I expected when the Time should be,  
That I should fill you, as 'twas promised me,  
Whereby some other profit might be got,  
Which I in former times remembered not,  
All which could do the Custom house 
t A jar of Olives, or Oil, a few Potatoes, Oranges Lemons, & diverse other things, which a man may buy, get, and save by.  no wrong,  
Which to repeat here would be overlong.  
But I was slighted, with most vile disgrace,  
And one that was my Prentice placed in 
u The fellow was ever a true man to me, & I envy not his happiness, but yet I have very foul play offered 〈◊〉  place.  
But holla holla Muse, come back come back,  
I speak to none but you, you Bottles black.  
You that are now turned Monsters, most ingrate,  
Where you have cause to love most, most to hate,  
You that are of good manners quite deprived,  
Worse than the 
x They are made of a beasts hide.  Beast from whence you are derived,  
If you be good for nothing but what's naught,  
Then sure you have been better fed then taught:  
Besides the world will tax me, and say still  
The fault was mine that nurtured you so ill.  
Persisting thus, in your injurious wrong,  
It shows y'are drunk with being Empty long.  
Long fasting sure hath made you weak and dull,  
For you are steadiest when you are most full.  
Me thinks I hear you say the fault's not yours,  
You are commanded, by Superior powers,  
But if the choice were yours, you had much rather  
That I, than any one the Wines should gather.  
Alas poor fools, I see your force is weak,  
Complain you cannot, wanting power to speak:  
If you had speech, it may be you would tell,  
How with you and the Merchants I dealt well,  
But 'tis no matter, though you silent be,  
My fourteen years long service speaks for me.  
And for the Merchants still my friends did prove,  
I'll tell them somewhat to requite their Love..  
First let their wisdoms but collect and sum,  
How many Ships with Wine do yearly come,  
And they will find that all these Bottles shall  
Not fill 
y At ●. gallons from a Ship, & from some but 1. gallon and a half, I account 30. Ships allowance is the quantity of 1. Hogshead, whereby it may be easily found in the Customhouse if I speak true or not.  nine Hogsheads, at the most of all,  
Then he that for them Three Ton dares to give,  
The case is plain, he must or beg or theeve.  
I do not say that you have been abused,  
But you may partly guess how you were used.  
Indeed 
z Now I speak of the Bottles again.  I think we ne'er so soon had parted,  
Had friendly outsides been but friendly hearted,  
The sweet bait Covers the deceiving hooks,  
And false hearts can put on good words and looks.  
All is not Gold the Proverb says that glisters,  
And I could wish their Tongues were full of blisters,  
That with their flattering diligence most double,  
Themselves, and you, and I, thus much did trouble.  
For misinforming paltry Knaves must be  
The Instruments of such indignity.  
But as the fairest Garden hath some weeds,  
And amongst the cleanest flock some scabbed sheep breeds.  
Or as the Ta●e amongst the Wheat doth grow  
Good only for what's ill yet makes a show.  
So there's no Great house fixed on the ground,  
But Clawback Sichophants may there be found,  
For 'tis a Maxim held in every Nation,  
Great men are waited on by Adulation.  
No doubt but some doth to the Court resort,  
And sure the Tower must imitate the Court▪  
As Caesar's Palace may (perhaps) have many,  
So Caesar's Castle cannot say not any.  
I have found some that with each wind would move  
With hearts all hatred, and with tongues all Love,  
Who with Hats moved, would take me by the Fist  
With Compliments of honest jack how ist?  
I'm glad to see thee well with all my heart,  
Long have I longed to drink with thee a quart,  
I have believed this Dross had been pure Gold,  
When presently I have been bought and sold  
Behind my back (for no desert or Cause)  
By those that kindly Cap'd and kissed their 〈◊〉  
For one of them (an ancient Reverend Scribe)  
Received Forty shillings for a bribe,  
On purpose so to bring the case about  
To put another in, and thrust me out.  
Long was the time this business was a brewing,  
Until fit opportunity accrueing,  
I was displaced, yet spite the bribed Shark,  
The man that gave the bribe did miss the mark.  
O Bottles Bottles, Bottles, Bottles, Bottles,  
Plato's divine works, nor great Aristotle's,  
Did ne'er make mention that a gift so Royal,  
was ever bought and sold, like slaves disloyal.  
For since King Richard, second of that Name,  
(I think) your high Prerogative you Claim:  
And this much here to write I dare be bold  
You are a gift, not given to be sold,  
For sense or Reason never would alow  
That you should e'er be bought and sold till now.  
Philosophers with all their Documents,  
Nor aged Time with Antique monuments,  
Did ever mention such untoward Elves,  
That did more idly cast away themselves.  
To such low Ebb your baseness now doth shrink,  
Whereas you yearly did make Thousands drink.  
The hateful Title now to you is left,  
Y'are Instruments of begg'ry and of Theft.  
But when I filled you (I dare boldly swear)  
From all these imputations you were clear,  
Against which I dare, dare, who dare or can,  
To answer him and meet him man to man,  
Truth arms me, with the which I will hold Bias,  
Against the shock of any false Goliath.  
Bottles you have not wanted of your fill,  
Since you have left me, by your heedless will,  
You scarce have tasted penury or want,  
(For cunning thieves are seldom ignorant)  
Yet many times you have been filled with trash,  
Scarce good enough your dirty skins to wash.  
All this I know, and this I did divine,  
But all's one, Draff is good enough for Swine.  
I do not here inveigh, or yet Envy  
The places profit, none can come hereby,  
And in my hand it lies (if so I please)  
To spoil it, and not make it worth a Pease.  
And to the world I'll cause it to appear,  
Who e'er gives for you Twenty pounds a year.  
Must from the Merchants pilfer Fourscore more,  
Or else he cannot live, and pay the score.  
And to close up this point, I say in brief,  
Who buys it is a Beggar, or a Thief,  
Or else a Fool, or to make all agree,  
He may be Fool, Thief, Beggar, all the Three.  
So you false Bottles, to you both adieu,  
The Thames for me, not a Denier for you.  
FINIS.