The meaning of the Emblem.  
THe Devil, the Flesh, the World doth Man oppose  
And are his mighty and his mortal foes:  
The Devil and the whorish Flesh draws still,  
The World on Wheels runs after with good will  
For that which we the World may justly call  
(I mean the lower Globe Terrestrial)  
Is (as the Devil, and a Whore doth please)  
Drawn here and there, and every where, with ease  
Those that their Lives to virtue here do frame,  
Are in the World, but yet not of the same.  
Some such there are, whom neither Flesh or Devil  
Can wilfully draw on to any evil:  
But for the World, as 'tis the World, you see  
It Runs on Wheels, and who the Palfreys be▪  
Which Emblem, to the Reader doth display  
The Devil and th● Flesh runs swift away.  
The Chained ensnared World doth follow fast▪  
Till All into Perditions pit be cast.  
The Picture topsy-turvy stands kew waw:  
The World turned upside down, as all men kn●●   

The World runs on Wheels: Or Odds, betwixt Carts and Coaches.  
LONDON Printed by E. A. for Henry Gosson. 1623.   

¶ To the noble Company of Cordwainers, the worshipful Company of Sadlers & Woodmongers; To the worthy, honest and laudable Company of Watermens, And to the Sacred Society of Hackney-men, And finally, to as many as are grieved, and unjustly impoverished, and molested, with The Worlds Running on Wheels.  
GEntlemen and Yeomen, marvel not that I writ this Pamphlet in Prose now, having before times set forth so many Books in verse; The First Reason that moved me to write thus, was because I was Lame, and durst not write Verses for fear they should be infected with my Grief, & be lame too. The Second Reason is, because that I find no good rhyme for a Coach but Broach, Roach Encroach, or such like: And you know that the Coach hath overthrown the good use of the Broach & Broch-turner, turning the one to Racks and the other to jacks, quite through the Kingdom: The Roach is a dry Fish, much like the unprofitable profit of a Coach: It will cost more the dressing and Appurtnances then 'tis worth: For the word Encroach I think that best befits it, for I think never such an impudent, proud saucy Intruder or Encroacher came into the world as a Coach is: for it hath driven many honest Families out of their Houses, many Knights to Beggars, Corporations to poverty, Alms deeds to all misdeeds, Hospitality to extortion, Plenty to famine, Humility to pride, Compassion to oppression, and all Earthly goodness almost to an utter confusion.  
These have been the causes why I writ this Book in Prose, and Dedicated it to all your good Companies, knowing that you have borne a heavy share in the Calamity which these hired Hackney hell-Carts have put this Commonwealth unto: For in all my whole Discourse, I do not enueigh against any Coaches that belong to Persons of worth or quality, but only against the Caterpillar swarm of hirelings; they have undone my poor Trade, whereof I am a Member, and though I look for no reformation, yet I expect the benefit of an old Proverb (Give the loser's leave to speak:) I have Imbroadered it with mirth, Quilted it with material stuff, Laced it with similitudes; Sowed it with comparisons, and in a word, so played the Tailor with it, that I think it will fit the wearing of any honest man's Reading, Attention, and Liking: But howsoever, I leave both it and myself to remain  
Yours as you are mine: john Taylor.   

¶ The World runs on Wheels.  
WHat a Murrain, what piece of work have we here? The WORLD runs a Wheels? On my Conscience my Dung-cart will be most unsavourly offended with it: Ihave heard the words often▪ The World runs on Wheels; what, like Pompey's Bridge at Ostend? The great gridiron in Christ-church, The Landscapes of China, or the new found Instrument that goes by winding up like a jack, that a Gentleman entreated a Musician to Rost him Sele●●ers Round upon it? Ha! how can you make this good Master Poet? I have heard that the World stands stock still, & never stirs, but at an Earthquake; and than it trembles at the wickedness of the Inhabitants, and like an old Mother, groans under the misery of her ungracious Children: well, I will buy this volume of nuention for my Boys to read at home in an Evening when they come from School, there may be some goodness in it; I promise you truly I have found in some of these Books very shrewd Items; yea, and by your leave, somewhat is found in them now and then, which the wisest of us all may be the better for: though you call them Pamphlets, to tell you true, I like 'em better that are plain and merrily written to a good intent, than those who are purposely stuffed and studied, to deceive the world, & undo a Country, That tells us of Projects beyond the Moon, of Golden Mines, of Devices to make the Thames run on the North side of London (which may very easily be done, by removing London to the Bankside) of planting the I'll of Dogs with Whiblins, Corwhichets, Mushrooms & Tobacco. Tut I like none of these, Let me see, as I take it, it is an invective against Coaches, or a proof or trial of the Antiquity of Carts and Coaches, 'tis so, and God's blessing light on his heart that wrote it, for I think never since Phaeton broke his neck, never Land hath endured more trouble & molestation then this hath, by the continual rumbling of these upstart 4. wheeled Tortoises, as you may perhaps find anon: For as concerning the Antiquity of the Cart, I think it beyond the limits of Record or writing, Besides, it hath a Reference or allusion to the Motion of the Heavens, which turns upon the Equinoctial Axletree, the two wheels being the Arctic and Antarctic Poles. Moreover, though it be Poetically feigned, that the Sun (whom I could have called Phoebus, Titan, Apollo, sol, or Hyperion) is drawn by his four hot and headstrong Horses (whose names as I take it are) Aeolus, Aethon, Phlegon, and Pyrois, Yet do I not find that Triumphant, Refulgent extinguisher of darkness is Coached, but that he is continually Carted through the twelve signs of the Zodiaque.  
And if Copernicus his opinion were to be allowed, that the Firmament with the Orbs and Planets did stand unmoveable, and that only the Terrestrial Globe turns round daily according to the motion of Time, yet could the World have no resemblance of a foure-wheeled Coach; but in all reason it must whirl round upon but One Axletree, like a two wheeled Cart.  
Nor can the searching eye, or most admirable Art of Astronomy, ever yet find, that a Coach could attain to that high exaltation of honour, as to be placed in the Firmament: It is apparently seen, that Charles his Cart (which we by custom call Charles his Wain) is most gloriously stellifide, where in the large Circumserence of Heaven, it is a most useful & beneficial Sea-mark (and sometimes a Landmark too) guiding and directing in the right way, such as travail on Neptune's wayless Bosom, and many which are often benighted in wild and desert passages, as myself can witness upon Newmarket heath, where if that good Wain had not Carted me to my Lodging, I & my Horse might have wandered I know not whither.  
Moreover, as Man is the most noblest of all Creatures, and all fourfooted Beasts are ordained for his use and service; so a Cart is the Emblem of a Man, and a Coach is the Figure of a Beast; For as Man hath two legs, a Cart hath two wheels: The Coach being (in the like sense) the true resemblance of a Beast, by which is parabolically demonstrated unto us, that as much as Men are superior to Beasts, so much are honest and needful Carts more nobly to be regarded and esteemed, above needless, upstart, fantastical, and Time-troubling Coaches.  
And as necessities and things whose commodious uses cannot be wanted, are to be respected before Toys and trifles (whose beginning is Folly, continuance Pride, and whose end is Ruin) I say as necessity is to be preferred before superfluity, so is the Cart before the Coach▪ For Stones, Timber, Corn, Wine, Beer, or any thing that wants life, there is a necessity they should be carried, because they are dead things and cannot go on foot, which necessity the honest Cart doth supply: But the Coach like a superfluous Babble, or an uncharitable Miser, doth seldom or never carry or help any dead or helpless thing; but on the contrary it helps those that can help themselves (like Scoggin when he greazd the fat Sow on the Butt-end) and carries men and women, who are able to go or run; Ergo the Cart is necessary, and the Coach superfluous.  
Besides, I am verily persuaded, that the proudest Coxcomb that ever was jolted in a Coach, will not be so impudent but will confess that humility is to be preferred before pride; which being granted, note the affability and lowliness of the Cart, and the pride and insoleney of the Coach, For the Carman humbly paces it on foot, as his Beast doth, whilst the Coachman is mounted (his fellow-horses & himself being all in a livery) with as many varieties of Laces, face, Cloth and Colours as are in the Rainbow, like a Motion or Pageant rides in state, & loads the poor Beast, which the Carman doth not; and if the carmen's horse be melancholy or dull with hard and heavy labour, then will he like a kind Piper whistle him a fit of mirth, to any tune from above Eela to below Gamut, of which generosity and courtesy your Coachman is altogether ignorant, for he never whistles, but all his music is to rap out an oath, or blurt out a curse against his Team.  
The word Carmen (as I find it in the Dictionary) doth signify a Verse, or a Song, and betwixt Carmen and Carmen, there is some good correspondency, for Versing, Singing, and Whistling, are all three Musical, besides the Carthorse is a more learned beast then the Coachhorse, for scarce any Coach-horse in the world doth know any letter in the Book, when as every Carthorse doth know the letter G. very understandingly.  
If Adultery or Fornication be committed in a Coach, it may be gravely and discreetly punished in a Cart, for as by this means the Coach may be a running Bawdy-house of abomination, so the Cart may, (and often is) the sober, modest, and civil paced Instrument of Reformation: so as the Coach may be vices infection, the Cart often is vices correction.  
It was a time of famous memorable misery, when the Danes had tyrannical insulting domination in this lard: for the flavery of the English was so insupportable, that he must Plough, Sow, Reap, Thrash Winnow, Grind, Sift, Leaven, Knead, and Bake, and the domineering Dane would do nothing but sleep, play, and eat the fruit of the English man's labour; which well may be alluded to the careful Cart▪ for let it plough, carry & recarry, early or late, all times & weathers, yet the hungry Coach gnaws him to the very bones: Oh beware of a Coach as you would do of a Tiger, a Wolf, or a Leviathan, I'll assure you it eats more (though it drinks less) then the Coachman and his whole Teeme, it hath a mouth gaping on each side like a monster, with which they have swallowed all the good housekeeping in England: It lately (like a most insatiable devouring beast) did eat up a Knight, a neighbour of mine, in the County of N. a Wood of above 400. Acres, as if it had been but a bunch of Radish: of another, it devoured a whole Castle, as it had been a Marchpane; scarcely allowing the Knight and his Lady half a cold shoulder of Mutton to their suppers on a Thursday night; out of which reversion the Coachman and the Footman could pick but hungry Veils: in another place (passing through a Park) it could not be content to eat up all the Deer, and other grazing cattle, but it bit up all the Oaks that stood bareheaded, there to do homage to their Lord and Master ever since the conquest, crushing their old sides as easily as one of our fine Dames (with a poisoned breath) will snap a Cinnamon stick; or with as much facility as a Bawd will eat a Pippin Tart, or swallow a stewed prune.  
For (what call you the Town) where the great Oysters come from? there it hath eaten up a Church, Chancel, Steeple, Bells and all, and it threatens a great Common that lies near, which in diebus illis hath relieved thousands of poor people; nay, so hungry it is, that it will scarcely endure, in a Gentleman's house, a poor neighbour's child so much as to turn a Spit; nor a Yeoman's son to enter the house, though but in good will to the Chambermaid, who anciently from 16. to 36. was wont to have his breeding either in the Buttery, Cellar, Stable, or Larder, and to bid good man Hobbs, goodwife Grub, or the youth of the parish welcome at a Christmas time; but those days are gone, and their fellows are never like to be seen about any of our top-gallant-houses. There was a Knight (an acquaintance of mine (whose whole means in the world was but threescore pounds a year, and above 20. of the same went for his Wife's Coach-hire; now (perhaps) you shall have an Irish Footman with a jacket cudgelled down the shoulders and skirts, with yellow or Orange tawny Lace, may troth from London 3. or 4. score miles to one of those decayed Mansions, when the simpering scornful Puss, the supposed Mistress of the house (with a mischief) who is (indeed) a kind of creature retired for a while into the Country to escape the whip in the City) she demands out of the window scarce ready, and dressing herself in a glass at noon: Fellow what is thine Errand, hast thou letters to me? and if it be about di●ner, a man may sooner blow up the Gates of Bergen ap Zome, with a Charm then get entrance, within the bounds of their Barred, Bolted, and Barricadoed Wicket: About 2. a Clock, it may be after walking an hour or twain, Sir Sellall comes down, untrust with a Pipe of Tobacco in his fist to know your business, having first peeped through a broken pane of Glass, to see whether you come to demand any money, or old debt, or not, when after a few hollow dry compliments (without drink) he turns you out at the gate, his worship returning to his Stove: What Towns are laid waste? what fields lie untilled? what goodly houses are turned to the habitations of Owlets, Daws, and Hobgoblins? what numbers of poor are increased? yea examine this last year but the Register books of burials, of our greatest Towns and Parishes of the land, as Winondham in Norfolk, White Chapel near London, and many other, and see how many have been buried weekly, that have merely perished for want of bread; whilst Pride and Luxury damn up our streets, Barracado our high ways, and are ready even to drive over their Graves, whom their unmerciful Pride hath farnished.  
Whence comes Leather to be so dear, but by reason (or as I should say against reason) of the multitude of Coaches, and Carroaches, who consume and take up the best Hides that can be gotten in our Kingdom, insomuch that I cannot buy a pair of Boors for myself under an Angel, nor my Wife a pair of Shoes (though her foot be under the seaventeenes) under eight groats or three shillings; by which means many honest Shoemakers are either undone or undoing, and infinite numbers of poor Christians, are enforced to go barefooted in the cold Winters, till with very benumbedness, some their toes, and some their feet are rotten off, to the numberless increase of crooched Cripples, and wooden legged beggars, of which sort of miserable dismembered wretches, every street is plentifully stored with, to the scorn of other Nations, and the shame and obloquy of our own.  
The Saddlers (being an ancient, a worthy and a useful Company) they have almost overthrown the whole trade, to the undoing of many honest Families; For whereas within our memories, our Nobility and Gentry would tied well mounted (and sometimes walk on foot) gallantly attended with three or four score brave fellows in blue coats, which was a glory to our Nation; and gave more content to the beholders, than forty of your Leather Tumbrels: Then men preserved their bodies strong and able by walking, riding, and other manly exercises: then Sadlers were a good Trade, and the name of a Coach was Heathen-Greeke. Who ever saw (but upon extraordinary occasions) Sir Philip Sidney, Sir Francis Drake, Sir john Norris, Sir William Winter, Sir Roger Williams, or (whom I should have named first) the famous Lord Grace, and Willoughby, with the renowned George Earl of Cumberland, or Robert Eatle of Essex: These sons of Mars, who in their times were the glorious Brooches of our Nation, and an admirable terror to our Enemies: these I say did make small use of Coaches, and there were two main reasons for it, the one was that there were but few Coaches in most of their times: and the second reason is, they were deadly foes to all sloth and effeminacy: The like was Sir Francis Vere, with thousands others: but what should I talk further? this is the rattling, rolling, rumbling age, and The World runs on Wheels. The Hackney-men who were wont to have furnished Travellers in all places, with fitting and serviceable Horses for any journey, (by the multitude of Coaches) are undone by the dozen, and the whole Commonwealth most abominably jaded, that in many places a man had as good to ride upon a wooden Post, as to Post it upon one of those poor hunger-starved hirelings: which enormity can be imputed to nothing, but the Coaches intrusion, is the Hackney-man's confusion.  
Nor have we poor Watermen the least cause to complain against this infernal swarm of Trade-spillers, who like the Grasshoppers or Caterpillars of Egypt have so overrun the land, that we can get no living upon the water; for I dare truly affirm that every day in any Term (especially if the Court be at Whitehall) they do rob us of our livings, and carry 560. fares daily from us, which numbers of passengers were wont to supply our necessities, and enable us sufficiently with means to do our Prince and Country service: and all the whole fry of our famous Whores, whose ancient Lodgings were near S. Katherine's, the Bankside, Lambeth-Marsh, Westminster, White Friars, Coleharbar, or any other place near the Thames, who were wont after they had any good Trading, or reasonable comings in, to take a Boat and air themselves upon the water, yea (and by your leave) be very liberal to, and I say as a Mercer said once, A Whore's money is as good as a Ladies, and a Bawds as current as a Midwives: Tush those times are past, and our Hackney Coaches have hurried all our Hackney customers quite out of our reach towards the North parts of the City, where they are daily practised in the Coach, that by often jolting they may the better endure the Cart upon any occasion, and indeed many times a hired Coachman with a basket hilted blade hanged or executed about his shoulders in a belt, (with a cloak of some py●e colour, with two or three change of Laces about) may man, a brace or a Leash of these curu●tting Cockatrices to their places of recreation, and so save them the charge of maintaining a Sir Pandarus or an Apple-squire, which service indeed to speak the truth, a Waterman is altogether unfit for; and the worst is, most of them are such Loggerheads, that they either will not learn, but as I think would scorn to be taught: so that if the Sculler had not been paid when he was paid, it is to be doubted that he should never have been paid, for the Coachman hath gotten all the custom from the Sculler's paymistris.  
This is one apparent reason, why all the Whores have forsaken us, and spend their Cash so free and frequent upon those ingenious, well practised, and serviceable hired Coachmen: but (a Pox take 'em all) whither doth my wits run after Whores and Knaves? I pray you but note the streets, and the chambers or lodgings in Fleet street, or the Strand, how they are pestered with them, especially after a Masque or a Play at the Court, where even the very earth quakes and trembles, the Cazements shatter, tatter and clatter, and such a confused noise is made, as if all the devils in hell were at Barleybreak; so that a man can neither sleep, speak, hear, write, or eat his dinner or supper quiet for them: beside, their tumbling din (like a counterfeit Thunder) doth sour Wine, Ale and Beer most abominably, to the impairing of their healths that drink it, and the making of many a Victualer and Tapster Trade-fallen.  
A Wheelewright or a maker of Carts, is an ancient, a profitable, and a Trade, which by no means can be wanted; yet so poor it is, that scarce the best amongst them can hardly ever attain to better than a Calfskin suit, or a piece of neck Beef & Carret-rootes to dinner on a Sunday; nor scarcely any of them is ever mounted to any Office above the degree of a Scavenger, or a Tything man at the most. On the contrary, your Coachmakers trade is the most gainefullest about the Town, they are apparelled in Satins and Velvets, are Master of their Parish, Vestry men, who fare like the Emperor's Heliogabalus, or Sardanapalus, seldom without their Mackeroones, Parmisants, jellies and Kickshaws, with baked Swans, Pasties hot, or c●ld red Dear Pies, which they have from their Debtors worships in the Country: neither are these Coaches only thus cumbersome by their Rumbling and Rutting, as they are by their standing still, and damning up the streets and lanes, as the Black Friars, and diverse other places can witness, and against Coach-makers doors the streets are so pestered and clogged with them, that neither Man, Horse, or Cart can pass for them; in so much as my Lord Mayor is highly to be commended for his care in this restraint, sending in February last many of them to the Counter for their carelessness herein.  
They have been the universal decay of almost all the best Ash Trees in the Kingdom, for a young plant can no soover peep up to any perfection, but presently it is felled for the Coach: Nor a young Horse bred of any beauty or goodness, but he is ordained from his foaling for the service of the Coach; so that whereas in former ages, both in peace and wars, we might compare with any Nation in the world for the multitude and goodness of our Horses: we now think of no other employment for them, then to draw in a Coach, and when they are either lamed by the negligence of the Coachman, or worn out after many years with trotting to Plays and Bawdy houses, then are they (like old maimed Soldiers) after their wounds and scars, preferred to Woodmongers, (where they are well Billeted) or to Draymen, where they turn Tapsters, and draw Beer by whole Barrels, and Hogsheads at once; and there they wear out the Remainder of their days, till new harness for others, are made of their old skins.  
The last Proclamations concerning the Retiring of the Gentry our of the City into their Countries, although myself, with many thousands more were much impoverished and hindered of our livings by their departure; yet on the other side how it cleared the Streets of these way-stopping Whirligigs, for a man now might walk without being stand up ho, by a fellow that scarcely can either go or stand himself. Prince, Nobility, and Gentlemen of worth, Offices & Quality, have herein their privilege, and are exempt, may ride as their occasions or pleasures shall indite them, as most meet they should; but when every Gill Turntripe, Mrs. Fumkins, Madame Polecat, and my Lady Trash, Froth the Tapster, Bill the Tailor, Lavender the Broker, Whiff the Tobacco seller, with their companion Trugs, must be Coached to S. Alban's, Burntwood, Hockley in the Hole, Croyden, Windsor, Uxbridge, and many other places, like wild Haggards prancing up and down, that what they get by cheating, swearing, and lying at home, they spend in Riot, Whoring, and Drunkenness abroad. I say by my halidom, it is a burning shame; I did lately write a Pamphlet called a Thief, wherein I did a little touch upon this point; that seeing the Herd of Hireling Coaches are more than the Whirries on the Thames, and that they make Leather so excessive decree, that it were good the order in Bohemia were observed here, which is, that every hired Coach should be drawn with Ropes, and that all their Harness should be Hemp and Cordage: beside if the Cover and Boots of them were of good Rosind or pitched Canvas, it would bring down the price of Leather, and by that means a hired Coach would be known from a Princes, a Noble man's, Ladies, or people of note, account, respect and quality.  
And if it be but considered in the right Cue, a Coach or Caroche are mere Engines of Pride, (which no man can deny to be one of the seven deadly sins) for two Leash of Oyster-wives hired a Coach on a Thursday after Whitsuntide, to carry them to the green-goose Fair at Stratford the Bow, and as they were hurried betwixt Algate and Mile-end, they were so be-madamed, be-Mistrist, and Ladifide by the Beggars, that the foolish women began to swell with a proud supposition or Imaginary greatness, and gave all their money to the mendicanting Canters; insomuch that they were feign to pawn their Gowns and Smocks the next day to buy Oysters, or else their pride had made them Cry for want of what to Cry withal.  
Thus much I can speak by experience; I do partly know some of mine own qualities, and I do know that I do hate pride, as I hate famine or surfeiting; and moreover, I know myself to be (at the best) but john Taylor, and a mechanical Waterman, yet it was but my chance once to be brought from Whitehall to the Tower in my Master Sir William Waades Coach, and before I had been drawn twenty yards, such a Timpany of pride puffed me up, that I was ready to burst with the wind Colic of vain glory. In what state I would lean over the Boot, and look, and pry if I saw any of my acquaintance, and then I would stand up, vailing my Bonnet, kissing my right claw, extending my arms as I had been swimming, with God save your Lordship, Worship, or how dost thou honest neighbour or goodfellow? in a word, the Coach made me think myself better than my betters that went on foot, and that I was but little inferior to Tamburlaine, being jolted thus in state by those pampered jades of Belgia: all men of indifferent judgement will confess, that a Cart is an instrument conformable to law, order, and discipline; for it rests on the Sabaoth days, and commonly all other Holy days, and if it should by any means break or transgress against any of these good Injunctions, there are Informers that lie in ambush (like careful Scouts) to inform against the poor Cart, that in conclusion my Lady Pecunia must become surety and take up the matter, or else there will be more stir about the flesh than the Broth is worth: whereas (on the contrary) a Coach like a Pagan, an Heathen, an Infidel, or Atheist, observes neither Sabaoth, or holiday, time or season, robustiously breaking through the toil or net of divine and humane law, order, and authority, and as it were contemning all Christian conformity; like a dog that lies on a heap of Hay, who will eat none of it himself, nor suffer any other beast to eat any: even so the Coach is not capable of hearing what a Preacher saith, nor will it suffer men or women to hear that would hear, for it makes such a hideous rumbling in the Streets by many Church doors, that people's ears are stopped with the noise, whereby they are debarred of their edifying, which makes faith so fruitless, good works so barren, and charity as cold at Midsummer, as if it were a great Frost, and by this means souls are robbed and starved of their heevenly Manna, and the Kingdom of darkness replenished: to avoid which, they have set up a cross post in Cheapside on Sundays near Woodstreet end, which makes the Coaches rattle and jumble on the other side of the way further from the Church, and from hindering of their hearing.  
The Nagaians, jughonians, and the ungodly barbarous Tartarians, who knew no God or devil, Heaven nor hell, and who indeed are Nations that have neither Towns, Cities, Villages, or houses; Their habitations are nothing but Coaches: in their Coaches they eat, sleep, beget children, who are also there borne, and borne from place to place, with them the World runs on Wheels continually, for they are drawn in Droves or Herds 20. 30. or 40000. together, to any fruitful place or Champion plain, where they and their beasts do stay till they have devoured all manner of sustenance that may maintain life, and then they remove to a fresh place doing the like; thus wearing out their accursed lives like the brood of Cain, they and their houses being perpetual vagabonds, and continual runagates upon the face of the earth. They are so practised and enured in all kind of Barbarism, that they will milk one Mare and let another blood, and the blood and the milk they will Charne together in their Hats or Caps, till they have made fresh Cheese and Cream (which the devil will scarce eat) from these people our Coaches had first original, and I do wish with all my heart that the superfluous number of all our hireling Hackney carrie-knaves and Hurrie-Whores, with their makers and maintainers were there, where they might never want continual employment.  
For their Antiquity in England, I think it is in the memory of many men when in the whole Kingdom, there was not one, and there was another principal virtue, as good as themselves came with them: for the Proverb saith, That mischief or mischances seldom come alone: and it is a doubtful question, whether the devil brought Tobacco into England in a Coach, or else brought a Coach in a fog or mist of Tobacco.  
For in the year 1564. one William B●ouen a Dutchman brought first the use of Coaches hither, and the said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth's Coachman, for indeed a Coach was a strange Monster in those days, and the fight of them put both horse and man into amazement: some said it was a great Crab-shell brought out of China, and some imagined it to be one of the Pagan Temples, in which the Cannibals adored the devil: but at last all those doubts were cleared, and Coach-making became a substantial Trade: So that now all the world may see, they are as common as Whores, and may be hired as easy as Knights of the Post.  
The Cart is an open transparent Engine, that any man may perceive the plain honesty of it; there is no part of it within or without, but it is in the continual view of all men: On the contrary, the Coach is a close hypocrite, for it hath a cover for any Knavery, and Curtains to veil or shadow any wickedness: beside, like a perpetual Cheater, it wears two Boots and no Spurs, sometimes having two pair of legs in one Boot, and often times (against nature) most preposterously it makes fair Ladies wear the Boot; and if you note, they are carried back to back, like people surprised by Pirates, to be tied in that miserable manner, and thrown over board into the Sea. Moreover, it makes people imitate Sea Crabs, in being drawn sideways, as they are when they sit in the boot of the Coach, and it is a dangerous kind of Carriage for the Commonwealth, if it be rightly considered; for when a man shall be a justice of the Peace, a Sergeant, or a Counsellor at Law; what hope is it that all or many of them should use upright dealing, that have been so often in their youth, and daily in their maturer or riper age, drawn aside continually in a Coach, some to the right hand, and some to the left, for use makes perfectness, and often going aside willingly makes men forget to go upright naturally.  
The order of Knighthood is both of great Antiquity and very honourable, yet within these later times there is a strange mystery crept into in, for I have noted it that when a Gentleman hath the sword laid upon his shoulder, either by his Prince, or his Deputy or General in the field, although the blow with the sword, be an honour to the man, yet (by a kind of inspiration) it cripples his wife, though she be at that time 300. miles from her husband, for if you but note her, you shall see her lamed for ever, so that she can by no means go without leading under the arm, or else she must be carried in a Coach all her life time after; forgetting in a manner to go on her feet so much as to Church, though it be but two Quoytes cast; for I have heard of a Gentlewoman that was lamed in this manner, who sent her man to Smithfield from Charingcross, to hire a Coach to carry her to Whitehall; another did the like from Ludgate hill, to be carried to see a Play at the Black Friars: And in former times when they used to walk on foot, and recreate themselves, they were both strong and healthful; now all their exercise is privately to Sawe Billets, to hang in a Swinge, or to roll the great Rowler in the Alleys of their Garden, but to go without leading, or Riding in a Coach is such an impeachment and derogation to their Calling, which flesh and blood can by no means endure.  
Every man knows, that were it not for the Cart the Hay would Rot in the meadows, the Corn perish in the fields, the Markets be emptily furnished, at the Courts remove the King would be unserved, and many a Gallant would be enforced to be his own Sumpter-horse to carry his luggage, bag and baggage himself; and finally, were it not for the mannerly and courteous service of the Cart, many a well deserving ill conditioned brave fellow might go on foot to the gallows.  
A Cart (by the judgement of an honourable and grave Lawyer) is elder brother to a Coach for antiquity; and for utility and profit, all the world knows which is which, yet so unnatural and unmannerly a brother the Coach is, that it will give no way to the Cart, but with pride, contempt bitter curses and execrations, the Coachman wishes all the Carts on fire, or at the devil, and that Carmen were all hanged, when they cannot pass at their pleasures, quite forgetting themselves to be saucy unprofitable intruders, up starts, and Innovators.  
When I see a Coach put up into a house (me thinks) the pole standing stiffly erected, it looks like the Image of Priapus, whom the libidinous and lecherous Whores and Knaves of Egypt were wont to fall down and worship; and I pray you what hindrance hath it but it may use the Paphean or Priapean game? for it is never unfurnished of a bed and curtains, with shop windows of leather to buckle Bawdry up as close in the midst of the street, as it were in the Stews, or a Nunnery of Venus' Votaries.  
What excessive waste do they make of our best broad-cloath of all colours? and many times a young heir will put his old Father's old Coach in a mourning Gown of Cloth or Cotton, when many of the poor distressed members of Christ, goes naked, starving with cold, not having any thing to hide their wretched carcases; and what spoil of our Velvets, Damasks, Taffetas, Silver and Gold Lace, with Fringes of all sorts, and how much consumed in guilding, wherein is spent no small quantity of our best and finest gold: nor is the charge little of maintaining a Coach in reparation, for the very mending of the Harness, a Knight's Coachman brought in a bill to his Master of 25. pounds: beside there is used more care & diligence in matching the Horses and Mares, than many fathers and mothers do in the marriage of their sons and daughters: for many times a rich lubberly Clown, the son of some gouty extortioner, or rent-racking Rascal, (for his accursed muckes sake) may be matched with a beautiful or proper well qualified and nobly descended Gentlewoman, and a well faced handsome Esquire or Knight's son and heir may be joined with a joiners' puppet, or the daughter of a Sexton; but for the choice of your Coach-horses there is another manner of providence to be used, for they must be all of a colour, longitude, latitude, Cressitude, height, length, thickness, breadth, (I muse they do not weigh them in a pair of Balance) and being once matched with a great deal of care and cost, if one of them chance to die (as by experience I know a Horse to be a mortal beast) then is the Coach like a maimed cripple, not able to travel, till after much diligent search, a meet mate be found whose correspondency may be as equivalent to the surviving Palfrey, and in all respects as like as a Broom to a Bee●ome, Barm to Yeast, or Quodlings to boiled Apples.  
The mischiefs that have been done by them are not to be numbered, as breaking of legs and arms, overthrowing down hills, over bridges. running over children, lame and old people, as Henry the fourth of France, (the father to the King that now reigneth) he and his Queen were once like to have been drowned, the Coach overthrowing besides a bridge, & to prove that a Coach owed him an unfortunate trick, he was some few years after his first escape, most inhumanely and traitorously murdered in one, by Raviliacke, in the streets at Paris: but what need I run my invention out of breath into foreign countries for examples, when many of the chief Nobility and Gentry of our own Nation have had some trial and sad experience of the truth of what I write? sometimes the Coachman (it may be hath been drunk, or to speak more mannerly stolen a Manchet out of the Brewer's Basket) hath tumbled besides his Box of state, and Coach running over him hath killed him, the whilst the horses (having the reins lose) have run away with their Rattle at their heels (like dogs that had bladders of dried Beans, or empty bottles at their tails) as if the devil had been in them, and sometimes in the full speed of their course a wheel breaks, or the Nave slips off from the Axletree, down leaps the Coachman, and away runs the horses, throwing their carriage into bushes, hedges, and ditches, never leaving their mad pace, till they have torn to tatters their tumbling Tumbril, to the manifest peril, danger, and unrecoverable hurt to those whom they carry, and to all men, women, children and cattle, as Hogs, Sheep, or whatsoever chanceth to be in their way: besides the great cost & charge of mending and Reparations of the Coach.  
There is almost nothing, but when it is worn out, it will serve for some use, either for profit or pleasure (except a Coach) of the bottom of an old Cart, one may make a fence to stop a gap, of the Raves one may make a Ladder for Hens to go to Roost: of an old Boars Frank, a new Dogge-kennell may be founded; of a decayed Wherry or Boat, a back part of a house of office may be framed (as you may see every where on the Bankside) of an old Barrel, a bolting Hutch, an overworn old Whore will make a spick and span new Bawd; and a rotte● Bawd may make a new Witch. I knew a neighbour of mine (an old justice) that of the bald velvet lining of his Cloak, made him a pair of new Breeches, and those Breeches being worn past the best, with the best of them he made his wife a new French Hood; and when that was bare and past her wearing, it made him facing for his new Boot tops: But an old Coach is good for nothing but to cousin and deceive people, as of the old rotten Leather they make Vampies' for high Shoes, for honest Country Ploughmen, or Belts for Soldiers, or inner linings for Girdles, Dogge-chollers for Mastiffs, indeed the Box if it were bored thorough, would be fittest for a close stool, and the body would (perhaps) serve for a Sow to pig in.  
If the curses of people that are wronged by them might have prevailed, sure I think the most part of them had been at the devil many years ago. Bu●●hers cannot pass with their cattle for them. Market folks which bring provision of victuals to the City, are stopped, stayed, and hindered. Carts or Wanes with their necessary ladings are debarred and letted: the Milkmaids ware is often spilt in the dirt▪ and peoples guts like to be crushed out being crowded and shrouded up against stalls, & stoops. whilst Mistress Siluerpin with her Pander, and a pair of ●●amd Pullet's ride grinning and deriding in their H●ll-Cart at their miseries who go on foot: I myself have been so served when I have wished them all in the great Breach, or on a light fire upon Hownslow heath, or Salisbury plain: and their damning up the streets in this manner, where people are wedged together that they can hardly stir, is a main and great advantage to the most virtuous Mystery of purse-cutring, and for any thing I know the hired or hackney Coachman may join in confederacy and share with the Cutpurse, one to stop up the way, and the other to shift in the Crowd.  
The superfluous use of Coaches hath been the occasions of many vile and odious crimes, as murder, theft, cheating, hangings, whip, Pillories, ●●ockes and cages; for house-keeping never decayed 〈◊〉 Coaches came into England, till which time those were accounted the best men who had most followers and retainers; then land about or near London was thought dear enough at an noble the Acre yearly, and a ten-pound house-rent now, was scarce twenty shillings then, but the witchcraft of the Coach quickly mounted the price of all things (except poor men's labour) and withal transformed (in some places 10. 20. 30. 40. 50. 60. or 100 proper Servingmen, into two or three Animals (videlicet) a Butterfly page, a trotting footman, a stiff-drinking Coachman, a Cook, a Clerk, a Steward, and a Butler, which hath enforced many a discarded tall fellow (through want of means to live, and grace to guide him in his poverty) to fall into such mischievous actions before named, for which I think the Gallows in England have devonred as many lusty valiant men within these 30. or 40. years, as would have been a sufficient army to beat the foes of Christ out of Christendom, and marching to Constantinople, have plucked the great Turk by the Beard: but as is aforesaid, this is the age wherien The World Runs on Wheels.  
It is a most uneasy kind of passage in Coaches on the paved streets in London, wherein men and women are so tossed, tumbled, jumbled, rumbled, and crossing of kennels, dunghills, and uneven-wayes, which is enough to put all the guts in their bellies out of joint, to make them have the Palsy or Megrim, or to cast their Gorges with continual Rocking and Wallowing: to prevent which, there was a gentleman of great note, found fault with his Coach-horses, because his Coach jolted him, commanding his man to sell away those hard trotting jades, and to buy him a pair of Amblers, that might draw him with more ease: another, when he saw one of his horses more lusty and free then his fellow, he commanded his Coachman to feed him only with bread & water, till he were as tame and quiet as the other, which wise command was dutifully observed.  
The best use that ever was made of Coaches was in the old wars betwixt the Hungarians and the Turks, (for like so many land Galleys) they carried soldiers on each side with Crossbows, and other warlike engines, and they served for good use being many thousands of them, to disrowte their enemies, breaking their ranks and order, making free and open passage for their horse and foot amongst the scattered squadrons and regiments, & upon occasion they served as a wall to Embarricado and fortify their camp: this was a military employment for Coaches, and in this sort only I could wish all our hirelings to be used. It is to be supposed that Pharaohs Chariots which were drowned in the red sea, were no other things in shape and fashion then our Coaches are at this time, and what great pity was it that the makers and memories of them had not been obliviously swallowed in that Egyptian downfall?  
Mowntaigne, a learned and a noble French Writer, doth relate in his book of Essays, that the ancient Kings of Asia, and the Eastern parts of Europe, were wont to be drawn in their Coaches with four Oxen, and that Mark Anthony with a Whore with him was drawn with Lions. Heliogabalus the Empero●r was drawn with four naked Whores, (himself being the Coachman) and the Coaches in these late times (to show some spark of gratitude or thankfulness) in remembrance that naked Whores once drew 〈◊〉 of them, they do in requital very often carry Whores half naked to the belly, and gallantly apparelled; besides only but four Whores drew one Coach, and 500 Coaches hath carried 10000 of them for it: but sometimes they were drawn with Stags, as it is the use in Lapland at this day. The Emperor Firmus was drawn with four Ostriches, and to requite those favours, they do now often carry men as ravenous as Lions, as well headed as Oxen or Stags, and as the Ostriches did once draw, so the feathers of them do daily ride in Plumes and Fans.  
In the City of Antwerp in Brabant I have seen little Coaches, which men send their children to School in, each of them drawn by a Mastiff dog, not having any guide: for the dog himself doth exercise three offices at one time, being as the Horse to draw, the Coachman to direct, and an honest labouring dog beside.  
I remember that in one place aforesaid, I have written, that Coaches do seldom carry any dead things, as Stones, Timber, Wine, Beer, Corn, etc. But▪ in so writing I find that I have done many of them great wrong, for I perceive that they carry oftentimes diverse sorts of Rye, as knavery, Foolerye, Leacherye, Rogue-Rye, Vsue-Rye, Bawde-Rye, Braverye, Slaverye, and Beggerye. Sometimes (by chance) they may hap to carry good Husbandrye, and Housewife-Rye, but such burdens are as scarce, as money or charity: and one thing more comes into my mind about their multitude, for though a Coach do 〈◊〉 to be a dead or senseless thing, yet when I see 〈…〉 consider how they do multiply and increase: I am doubtful but that they are male and female, and use the act of generation or begetting, or else their procreation could never so have overspread our Nation.  
To conclude, a Coach may fitly be compared to a Whore, for a Coach is painted, so is a Whore: a Coach is common, so is a Whore: a Coach is costly, so is a Whore; a Coach is drawn with beasts, a Whore is drawn away with beastly Knaves. A Coach hath loose Curtains, a Whore hath a loose Gown, a Coach is laced and fringed, so is a Whore: A Coach may be turned any way, so may a Whore: A Coach hath Bosses, Studs, and guilded nails to adorn it: a Whore hath Ouches, Brooches, Bracelets, Chains and jewels to set her forth: a Coach is always out of reparations, so is a Whore: a Coach hath need of mending still, so hath a Whore: a Coach is unprofitable, so is a whore: a Coach is superfluous, so is a Whore: a Coach is insatiate, so is a Whore: A Coach breaks men's necks: a Whore breaks men's backs: This odds is betwixt a Coach and a Whore, a man will lend his Coach to his friend, so will he not his Whore: but any man's Whore will save him the labour of lending her; for she will lend herself to whom she pleaseth. And thus my Book and comparisons end together; for thus much I know, that I have but all this while barked at the Moon, thrown feathers against the wind, built upon the 〈…〉 ●●ackmore, and laboured in vain: 〈…〉 or enormity hath pleasure in it, 〈…〉 profit, and power to defend it, 〈…〉 speak, and weakness may babble of Reformation, though to no end: and so I end.  
FINIS.