The devil's Law-case.  
OR, When Women go to Law, the Devil is full of Business.  
A new tragicomedy. The true and perfect Copy from the Original. As it was approvedly well Acted by her Majesty's Servants.  
Written by JOHN WEBSTER.  Non quam diu, sed quam bene. 
LONDON, Printed by A. M. for john Grismand, and are to be sold at his Shop in Paul's Alley at the Sign of the gun. 1623.   

The Scene, NAPLES.  

The Actors Names.  
Romelio, a Merchant.  
Contarino, a Nobleman.  
Crispiano, a civil-lawyer.  
Ercole, a Knight of Malta.  
Ariosto, an Advocate.  
Prosper 9.  
julio.  
A Capouchin.  
Cantilupoe.  
Sanitonella.  
Leonora.  
jolenta.  
A waiting Woman.    

TO THE RIGHT WORTHY, AND all-accomplished Gentleman, Sir THOMAS FINCH, Knight BARONET.  
SIR, let it not appear strange, that I do aspire to your Patronage. Things that taste of any goodness, love to be sheltered near Goodness: Nor do I flatter in this (which I hate) only touch at the original Copy of your virtues. Some of my other Works, as The white Devil, The Duchess of Malfi, Guise, and others, you have formerly seen; I present this humbly to kiss your hands, and to find your allowance. Nor do I much doubt it, knowing the greatest of the Caesars, have cheerfully entertained less Poems than this: and had I thought it unworthy, I had not inquired after so worthy a Patronage. yourself I understand, to be all courtesy. I doubt not therefore of your acceptance, but resolve, that my election is happy. For which favour done me, I shall ever rest  
Your Worships humbly devoted, JOHN WEBSTER.   

TO THE JUDICIOUS READER.  
I Hold it, in these kind of Poems with that of Horace, Sapientia prima, stultitia caruisle; to be free from those vices, which proceed from ignorance; of which I take it, this Play will ingeniously acquit itself. I do chief therefore expose it to the judicious: Locus est, & pluribus umbris, others have leave to sit down, and read it, who come unbidden. But to these, should a man present them with the most excellent Music, it would delight them no more, than Auriculas Citherae collecta sorde dolentes. I will not further insist upon the approvement of it, for I am so far from praising myself, that I have not given way to diverse of my Friends, whose unbegged Commendatory Verses offered themselves to do me service in the Front of this Poem. A great part of the grace of this (I confess) lay in Action; yet can no Action ever be gracious, where the decency of the Language, and Ingenious structure of the Scene, arrive not to make up a perfect Harmony. What I have failed of this, You that have approved my other Works, (when you have read this) tax me of. For the rest, Non ego Ventosae Plebis, Suffragia venor.   

The devil's Law Case. OR, When Women go to Law, the Devil is full of Business.  
Enter Romelio, and Prospero. Prospero. 
YOu have shown a world of wealth;  
I did not think there had been a Merchant  
Lived in Italy of half your substance.  Rom. 
I'll give the King of Spain  
Ten thousand Ducats yearly, and discharge  
My yearly Custom. The Hollanders scarce trade  
More generally than I: my factor's wives  
Wear chaperones of Velvet, and my Scriveners  
Merely through my employment, grow so rich,  
They build their Palaces and belvideres  
With musical Waterworks: Never in my life  
Had I a loss at Sea. They call me on th'Exchange,  
The fortunate young man and make great suit  
To venture with me: Shall I tell you Sir,  
Of a strange confidence in my way of Trading,  
I reckon it as certain as the gain  
In erecting a Lottery.  Pros. 
I pray Sir, what do you think  
Of signior Baptisto's estate?  Rom 
A mere Beggar:  
he's worth some fifty thousand Ducats.  Pros. 
Is not that well?  Rom. 
How well? for a man to be melted to snow water,  
With toiling in the world from three and twenty,  
Till threescore for poor fifty thousand Ducats.  Pros. 
To your estate 'tis little I confess:  
You have the Springtide of Gold.  Rom. 
Faith, and for Silver,  
Should I not send it packing to th'East Indies,  
We should have a glut on't.  Enter Servant. Ser. 
Here's the great Lord Contarino.  Pro. 
Oh, I know his business, he's a suitor to your sister.  Rom. 
Yes Sir, but to you,  
As my most trusted friend, I utter it,  
I will break the alliance.  Pros 
You are ill advised then;  
There lives not a completer Gentleman  
In Italy, nor of a more ancient house.  Rom. 
What tell you me of Gentry, 'tis nought else  
But a superstitious relic of time passed:  
And sift it to the true worth, it is nothing  
But ancient riches: and in him you know  
They are pitifully in the wane; he makes his colour  
Of visiting us so often, to sell land,  
And thinks if he can gain my sister's love,  
To recover the treble value.  Pros. 
Sure he loves her entirely, and she deserves it.  Rom. 
Faith, though she were  
Crooked shouldered, having such a portion,  
She would have noble Suitors; but truth is,  
I would wish my noble Venturer take heed,  
It may be whiles he hopes to catch a Gilt head,  
He may draw up a Gudgeon.  Enter Contarino. Pros 
he's come: Sir, I will leave you.  Con. 
I sent you the Evidence of the piece of land  
I motioned to you for the Sale.  Rom. 
Yes.  Con. 
Has your Counsel perused it?  Rom. 
Not yet my Lord: Do you intend to travel?  Con. 
No.  Rom. 
Oh then you lose  
That which makes man most absolute.  Con. 
Yet I have heard of diverse, that in passing of the Alps, have but exchanged their virtues at dear rate for other vices.  Rom. 
Oh my Lord, lie not idle;  
The chiefest action for a man of great spirit,  
Is never to be out of action: we should think  
The soul was never put into the body,  
Which has so many rare and curious pieces  
Of Mathematical motion, to stand still.  
Virtue is ever sowing of her seeds:  
In the Trenches for the Soldier; in the wakeful study  
For the Scholar; in the sorrows of the sea  
For men of our Profession, of all which  
Arise and spring up Honour. Come, I know  
You have some noble great Design in hand,  
That you levy so much money.  Cont. 
Sir, I'll tell you,  
The greatest part of it I mean to employ  
In payment of my Debts, and the remainder  
Is like to bring me into greater bonds, as I aim it.  Rom. 
How Sir?  Cont. 
I intend it for the charge of my Wedding.  Rom. 
Are you to be married, my Lord?  Cont. 
Yes Sir; and I must now entreat your pardon,  
That I have concealed from you a business,  
Wherein you had at first been called to Counsel,  
But that I thought it a less fault in Friendship,  
To engage myself thus far without your knowledge,  
Then to do it against your will: another reason  
Was, that I would not publish to the world,  
Nor have it whispered scarce, what wealthy Voyage  
I went about, till I had got the Mine  
In mine own possession.  Rom. 
You are dark to me yet,  Com. 
I'll now remove the cloud. Sir, your sister and I  
Are vowed each others, and there only wants  
Her worthy mothers, and your fair consents  
To style it marriage: this is a way,  
Not only to make a friendship, but confirm it  
For our posterities. How do you look upon't?  Rom 
Believe me Sir, as on the principal column  
To advance our House: why you bring honour with you,  
Which is the soul of Wealth. I shall be proud  
To live to see my little Nephews ride  
O'th' upper hand of their uncles; and the Daughters  
Be ranked by Heralds at Solemnities  
Before the Mother: all this derived  
From your Nobility. Do not blame me sir,  
If I be taken with't exceedingly:  
For this same honour with us Citizens,  
Is a thing we are mainly fond of, especially  
When it comes without money, which is very seldom,  
But as you do perceive my present temper,  
Be sure I am yours, fired with scorn and laughter,  
At your over confident purpose, and no doubt,  
My mother will be of your mind.  Exit Romelio. Cont. 
'tis my hope sir.  
I do observe how this Romelio,  
Has very worthy parts, were they not blasted  
By insolent vain glory: there rests now  
The mother's approbation to the match,  
Who is a woman of that State and bearing,  
Though she be city-born, both in her language,  
Her Garments, and her Table, she excels  
Our Ladies of the Court: she goes not gaudy,  
Yet have I seen her wear one Diamond,  
Would have bought twenty gay ones out of their clothes,  
And some of them, without the greater grace,  
Out of their honesties.  
she comes, I will try  Enter Leonora. 
How she stands affected to me, without relating  
My Contract with her Daughter.  Leon. 
Sir, you are nobly welcome, and presume  
You are in a place that's wholly dedicated  
To your service.  Con. 
I am ever bound to you for many special favours.  Leon. 
Sir, your fame renders you most worthy of it.  Cont. 
It could never have got a sweeter air to fly in,  
Than your breath.  Leon. 
You have been strange a long time, you are weary  
Of our unseasonable time of feeding:  
Indeed th' Exchange Bell makes us dine so late;  
I think the Ladies of the Court from us  
Learn to lie so long a-bed.  Cont. 
They have a kind, of Exchange among them too,  
Marry unless, it be to hear of news, I take it,  
Theirs, is like the New Burse, thinly furnished  
With tires and new Fashions. I have a suit to you.  Leon. 
I would not have you value it the less,  
If I say, 'tis granted already.  Cont. 
You are all Bounty, 'tis to bestow your  
Picture on me.  Leon. 
Oh sir, shadows, are coveted in Summer,  
And with me, 'tis Fall o'th' Leaf.  Cont. 
You enjoy the best of Time;  
This latter Spring of yours, shows in my eye,  
More fruitful and more temperate withal,  
Then that whose date is only limited  
By the music of the Cuckoo.  Leon. 
Indeed Sir, I dare tell you,  
My looking-glass is a true one, and as yet  
It does not terrify me. Must you have my Picture?  Cont. 
So please you Lady, and I shall preserve it  
As a most choice Object.  Leon. 
You will enjoin me to a strange punishment:  
With what a compelled face a woman sits  
While she is drawing? I have noted diverse,  
Either to feign smiles, or suck in the lips,  
To have a little mouth; ruffle the cheeks,  
To have the dimple seen, and so disorder  
The face with affectation, at next sitting  
It has not been the same; I have known others  
Have lost the entire fashion of their face,  
In half an hour's sitting.  Cont. 
How?  Leon. 
In hot weather,  
The painting on their face has been so mellow,  
They have left the poor man harder work by half,  
To mend the Copy he wrought by; but indeed,  
If ever I would have mine drawn toth' life,  
I would have a Painter steal it, at such a time,  
I were devoutly kneeling at my prayers,  
There is then a heavenly beauty in't, the Soul  
Moons in the Superficies.  Cont. 
Excellent Lady,  
Now you teach Beauty a preservative,  
More than 'gainst fading Colours; and your judgement  
Is perfect in all things.  Leon. 
Indeed Sir, I am a Widow,  
And want the addition to make it so:  
For man's Experience has still been held  
Woman's best eyesight. I pray sir tell me,  
You are about to sell a piece of Land  
To my son, I hear.  Cont. 
'tis truth.  Leon. 
Now I could rather wish,  
That Noble men would ever live i'th' Country,  
Rather than make their visits up toth' City  
About such business: Oh Sir, Noble Houses  
Have no such goodly Prospects any way,  
As into their own Land: the decay of that,  
Next to their begging Churchland, is a ruin  
Worth all men's pity. Sir, I have forty thousand crowns  
Sleep in my Chest, shall waken when you please,  
And sly to your commands, Will you stay supper?  Cont. 
I cannot, worthy Lady.  Leon. 
I would not have you come hither sir, to sell,  
But to settle your Estate. I hope you understand  
Wherefore I make this proffer: so I leave you.  Cont. 
What a Treasury have I parched.  Exit Leon. 
I hope you understand wherefore I make this proffer.  
She has got some intelligence, how I intend to marry  
Her daughter, and ingenuously perceived,  
That by her Picture, which I begged of her,  
I meant the fair jolenta: here's a Letter,  
Which gives express charge, not to visit her  
Till midnight: fail not to come, for 'tis a business  
That concerns both our honours.  
Yours in danger to be lost, jolenta.  
'tis a strange Injunction; what should be the business?  
She is not changed I hope. I'll thither straight:  
For women's Resolutions in such deeds,  
Like Bees, light oft on flowers, and oft on weeds.  Exit, Enter Ercole, Romelio, jolenta. Rom 
Oh sister come, the tailor must to work,  
To make your wedding Clothes.  Jol. 
The Tomb-maker, to take measure of my cousin.  Rom. 
Tomb-maker? look you,  
The king of Spain greets you.  Iol. 
What does this mean, do you serve process on me?  Rom. 
process? come you would be witty now.  Iol. 
Why, what's this, I pray?  Rom. 
Infinite grace to you: it is a Letter  
From his Catholic Majesty, for the commends  
Of this Gentleman for your Husband.  Iol. 
In good season: I hope he will not have my  
Allegiance stretched to the undoing of myself.  Rom. 
Undo yourself? he does proclaim him here  Iol. 
Not for a Traitor, does he?  Rom. 
You are not mad;  
For one of the Noblest Gentlemen.  Iol. 
Yet Kings many times  
Know merely but men's outsides, was this commendation  
Voluntary, think you?  Rom. 
Voluntary: what mean you by that?  Jol. 
Why I do not think but he begged it of the King,  
And it may fortune to be out of's way:  
Some better suit, that would have stood his Lordship  
In far more stead: Letters of Commendations,  
Why 'tis reported that they are grown stale,  
When places fall i'th' University.  
I pray you return his Pass: for to a Widow  
That longs to be a Courtier, this Paper  
May do Knights service.  Erco. 
Mistake not excellent Mistress, these commends  
Express, his Majesty of Spain has given me  
Both addition of honour, as you may perceive  
By my habit, and a place here to command  
o'er thirty Galleys; this your brother shows,  
As wishing that you would be partner  
In my good Fortune.  Rom. 
I pray come hither, have I any interest in you?  jol 
You are my Brother.  Rom. 
I would have you then use me with that respect,  
You may still keep me so, and to be swayed  
In this main business of life, which wants  
Greatest consideration, your Marriage,  
By my direction: Here's a Gentleman—  Iol. 
Sir, I have often told you,  
I am so little my own to dispose that way,  
That I can never be his.  Rom. 
Come, too much light  
Makes you Moon-eyed, are you in love with title?  
I will have a Herald, whose continual practice  
Is all in pedigree, come a-wooing to you,  
Or an Antiquary in old Buskins.  Erco. 
Sir, you have done me  
The mainest wrong that ere was offered  
To a Gentleman of my breeding.  Rom. 
Why sir?  Erco. 
You have led me  
With a vain confidence, that I should marry  
Your sister, have proclaimed it to my friends,  
Employed the greatest Lawyers of our State  
To settle her a jointure, and the issue  
Is, that I must become ridiculous  
Both to my friends and enemies: I will leave you,  
Till I call to you for a strict account  
Of your unmanly dealing.  Rom. 
Stay my Lord.  
Do you long to have my throat cut? Good my Lord,  
Stay but a little, till I have removed  
This Court-mist from her eyes, till I wake her  
From this dull sleep, wherein she'll dream herself  
To a deformed Beggar: you would marry  
The great Lord Contarino.  Enter Leonoora. Leon. 
Contarino  
Were you talking of? he lost last night at Dice  
Five thousand Ducats; and when that was gone,  
Set at one throw a Lordship, that twice trebled  
The former loss.  Rom. 
And that flew after.  Leon. 
And most carefully  
Carried the Gentleman in his caroche  
To a lawyer's Chamber, there most Legally  
To put him in possession: was this wisdom?  Rom. 
O yes, their credit in the way of gaming  
Is the main thing they stand on, that must be paid,  
Though the Brewer bawl for's money; and this Lord  
Does she prefer i'th' way of marriage,  
Before our Choice. Here noble Ercole,  Leon. 
You'll be advised I hope: Know for your sakes  
I married, that I might have children;  
And for your sakes, if you'll be ruled by me,  
I will never marry again. Here's a Gentleman  
Is noble, rich, well featured, but 'bove all,  
He loves you entirely; his intents are aimed  
For an Expedition 'gainst the Turk,  
Which makes the Contract cannot be delayed.  Io. 
Contract? you must do this without my knowledge;  
Give me some potion to make me mad,  
And happily not knowing what I speak,  
I may then consent to't.  Rom. 
Come, you are mad already,  
And I shall never hear you speak good sense,  
Till you name him for Husband.  Erco. 
Lady, I will do a manly Office for you,  
I will leave you, to the freedom of your own soul,  
May it move whither heaven and you please.  Iol. 
Now you express yourself most nobly.  Rom. 
Stay sir, what do you mean to do?  Leon. 
Hear me, if thou dost marry Contarino,  
All the misfortune that did ever dwell.  
In a parent's curse, light on thee.  Erc. 
Oh rise Lady, certainly heaven never intended  
Kneeling to this fearful purpose.  Iol. 
Your Imprecation has undone me for ever.  Erc. 
Give me your hand.  Iol. 
No sir.  Rom. 
giv't rue then:  
Oh what rare workmanship have I seen this  
To finish with your needle, what excellent music  
Have these struck upon the Viol!  
Now I'll teach a piece of Art.  Iol. 
Rather a damnable cunning,  
To have me go about to giv't away,  
Without consent of my soul.  Rom. 
Kiss her my Lord, if crying had been regarded,  
Maidenheads had ne'er been lost, at least some appearance  
Of crying, as an April shower i'th' Sunshine.  Leon. 
she is yours.  Rom. 
Nay, continue your station, and deal you in dumb show; kiss this doggedness out of her.  Leon. 
To be contracted in tears, is but fashionable.  Rom. 
Yet suppose that they were hearty.  Leon. 
virgin's must seem unwilling.  Rom. 
Oh what else; and you remember, we observe the  
Like in greater Ceremonies than these Contracts,  
At the Consecration of Prelates, they use ever  
Twice to say nay, and take it.  Iolen. 
Oh Brother.  Ro. 
Keep your possession, you have the door bithring,  
That's Livery and season in England; but my Lord,  
Kiss that tear from her lip, you'll find the Rose  
The sweeter for the dew.  Iolen. 
Bitter as gall.  Rom. 
ay, ay, all you women,  
Although you be of never so low stature,  
Have gall in you most abundant, it exceeds  
Your brains by two ounces. I was saying somewhat;  
Oh do but observe i'th' City, and you'll find  
The thriftiest bargains that were ever made,  
What a deal of wrangling ere they could be brought  
To an upshot.  Leon. 
Great persons do not ever come together.  Rom. 
With revelling faces, nor is it necessary  
They should; the strangeness and unwillingness  
Wears the greater state, and gives occasion that  
The people may buzz and talk of't, though the Bells  
Be tongue-tied at the Wedding.  Leon. 
And truly I have heard say,  
To be a little strange to one another,  
Will keep your longing fresh.  Rom, 
ay, and make you beget  
More children when you're married: some Doctors  
Are of that opinion. You see my Lord, we are merry  
At the Contract, your sport is to come hereafter.  Ercol. 
I will leave you excellent Lady, and withal  
Leave a heart with you so entirely yours,  
That I protest, had I the least of hope  
To enjoy you, though I were to wait the time  
That Scholars do in taking their degree  
In the noble Arts, 'twere nothing, howsoe'er  
He parts from you, that will depart from life,  
To do you any service, and so humbly  
I take my leave.  Exit Ercole. Jol. 
Sir, I will pray for you.  Ro. 
Why that's well, 'twill make your prayer complete,  
To pray for your Husband.  Iol. 
Husband?  Leon. 
This is the happiest hour that I ever arrived at.  Rom. 
Husband, I husband: come you peevish thing,  
Smile me a thank for the pains I have ta'en.  Iol. 
I hate myself for being thus enforced,  
You may soon judge then what I think of you  
Which are the cause of it.  Enter Waiting-woman. Rom. 
You Lady of the Laundry, come hither.  Wayt. 
Sir?  Rom. 
Look as you love your life, you have an eye  
Upon your Mistress; I do henceforth bar her  
All Visitants: I do hear there are Bawds abroad,  
That bring Cut-works, & Man-toons, & convey Letters  
To such young Gentlewomen, and there are others  
That deal in Corn-cutting, and Fortune-telling,  
Let none of these come at her on your life,  
Nor Dews ace the wafer woman, that prigs abroad  
With Muskmeloons, and malakatoons;  
Nor the Scotchwoman with the Cittern, do you mark,  
Nor a Dancer by any means, though he ride on's foot-cloth,  
Nor a Hackney Coachman, if he can speak French.  Wayt. 
Why sir?  Rom. 
By no means: no more words;  
Nor the woman with marrowbone puddings. I have heard  
Strange juggling tricks have been conveyed to a woman  
In a pudding: you are apprehensive?  Wayt. 
Oh good sir, I have travelled.  Rom. 
When you had a Bastard, you travelled indeed:  
But my precious chaperones,  
I trust thee the better for that; for I have heard,  
There is no warier Keeper of a Park,  
To prevent Stalkers, or your Night-walkers,  
Than such a man, as in his youth has been  
A most notorious deer-stealer.  Wayt. 
Very well sir,  
You may use me at your pleasure.  Rom. 
By no means Winifrid, that were the way  
To make thee travel again: Come be not angry,  
I do but jest, thou knowest, wit and a woman,  
Are two very frail things, and so I leave you.  Exit. Wayt. 
I could weep with you, but 'tis no matter,  
I can do that at any time, I have now  
A greater mind to rail a little: Plague of these  
Unsanctified Matches; they make us loath  
The most natural desire our grandam eve ever left us.  
Force one to marry against their will; why 'tis  
A more ungodly work, then enclosing the Commons.  Iolen. 
Prithee peace;  
This is indeed an argument so common,  
I cannot think of matter new enough,  
To express it bad enough,  Wayt. 
here's one I hope will put you out of't.  Enter Contarino. Cont. 
How now sweet Mistress?  
You have made sorrow look lovely of late,  
You have wept.  Wait. 
She has done nothing else these three days; had you stood behind the Arras, to have heard her shed so much salt water as I have done, you would have thought she had been turned Fountain.  Con. 
I would fain know the cause can be worthy this  
Thy sorrow.  Iol. 
Reach me the Caskanet, I am studying Sir,  
To take an Inventory of all that's mine.  Con. 
What to do with it Lady?  Iol. 
To make you a Deed of gift.  Con. 
That's done already; you are all mine.  Wai. 
Yes, but the Devil would fain put in for's share,  
In likeness of a Separation.  Iol. 
Oh sir, I am bewitched.  Con 
Ha?  Iol. 
Most certain, I am forespoken,  
To be married to another: can you ever think  
That I shall ever thrive in't? Am I not then bewitched?  
All comfort I can teach myself is this,  
There is a time left for me to die nobly,  
When I cannot live so?  Con. 
Give me in a word, to whom, or by whose means  
Are you thus torn from me?  Iol. 
By Lord Ercole, my Mother, and by Brother.  Cont. 
I'll make his bravery fitter for a grave,  
Then for a wedding.  Jolen. 
So you will beget  
A far more dangerous and strange disease  
Out of the cure; you must love him again  
For my sake: for the noble Ercole  
Had such a true compassion of my sorrow.  
Hark in your ear, He show you his right worthy  
Demeanour to me.  Wayt. 
Oh you pretty ones,  
I have seen this Lord many a time and oft  
Set her in's lap, and talk to her of Love  
So feelingly, I do protest it has made me  
Run out of myself to think on't; oh sweet breathed  
Monkey, how they grow together? well, 'tis my opinion,  
He was no woman's friend that did invent  
A punishment for kissing.  Cont. 
If he bear himself so nobly,  
The manliest office I can do for him,  
Is to afford him my pity, since he's like  
To fail of so dear a purchase: for your mother,  
Your goodness quits her ill; for your brother,  
He that vows friendship to a man, and proves  
A traitor deserves rather to be hanged,  
Than he that counterfeits money; yet for your sake  
I must sign his pardon too. Why do you tremble?  
Be safe, you are now free from him.  Iolen. 
Oh but sir,  
The intermission from a fit of an ague  
Is grievous: for indeed it doth prepare us,  
To entertain torment next morning.  Cont. 
Why he's gone to sea.  Iol. 
But he may return too soon.  Con. 
To avoid which, we will instantly be married.  Wa. 
To avoid which, get you instantly to bed together,  
Do, and I think no Civil Lawyer for his fee  
Can give you better Council.  Iol. 
Fie upon thee, prithee leave us.  Con. 
Be of comfort sweet Mistress.  Jol. 
On one condition we may have no quarrel about  Con. 
Upon my life none. (this.  Iol. 
None upon your honour?  Con. 
With whom? with Ercole?  
You have delivered him guiltless.  
With your Brother? he's part of yourself.  
With your complemental Mother?  
I use not sight with women  
Tomorrow we'll be married:  
Let those that would oppose this union,  
grow ne'er so subtle, and entangle themselves  
In their own work like Spiders, while we two  
Haste to our noble wishes, and presume,  
The hindrance of it will breed more delight,  
As black copartaments shows gold more bright.  Exeunt 
Finis Actus primi.   

ACTVS SECVNDVS, SCENA PRIMA.  Enter Crispiano, Sanitonella. Crisp 
Am I well habited?  San. 
Exceeding well; any man would take you for a Merchant: but pray sir resolve me, what should be the reason, that you being one of the most eminent Civil Lawyers in Spain, and but newly arrived from the East Indies, should take this habit of a Merchant upon you?  Crisp. 
Why my son lives here in Naples & in's riot  
Doth far exceed the exhibition I allowed him.  San. 
So then, & in this disguise you mean to trace him.  Cri. 
Partly for that, but there is other business  
Of greater consequence.  San. 
Faith for his expense, 'tis nothing to your estate, What to Don Crispiano, the famous corregidor of Civil, who by his mere practice of the Law, in less time than half a jubilee, hath gotten thirty thousand Ducats a year.  Crisp. 
Well, I will give him line,  
Let him run on in's course of spending.  San. 
Freely?  Crisp. 
Freely:  
For I protest, if that I could conceive  
My son would take more pleasure or content,  
By any course of riot, in the expense,  
Than I took joy, nay soul's felicity  
In the getting of it, should all the wealth I have  
Waste to as small an atomy as Flies  
I'th' unne, I do protest on that condition,  
It should not move me.  San. 
How's this? Cannot he take more pleasure in spending it riotously, than you have done by scraping it together: O ten thousand times more, and I make no question, five hundred young gallants will be of my opinion.  
Why all the time of your Collectionship,  
Has been a perpetual Callender, begin first  
With your melancholy study of the Law  
Before you come to singer the Ruddocks, after that  
The tiring importunity of Clients,  
To rise so early, and sit up so late,  
You made yourself half ready in a dream,  
And never prayed but in your sleep: Can I think,  
That you have half your lungs left with crying out  
For judgements, and days of Trial. Remember sir,  
How often have I borne you on my shoulder,  
Among a shoal or swarm of reeking Nightcaps,  
When that your Worship has bepissed yourself,  
Either with vehemency of Argument,  
Or being out from the matter. I am merry.  Crisp. 
Be so.  San. 
You could eat like a Gentleman, at leisure;  
But swallow it like Hap-dragons, as if you had lived  
With chewing the Cud after.  Crisp. 
No pleasure in the world was comparable to't.  San. 
Possible?  Crisp. 
He shall never taste the like, unless he study law.  San. 
What, not in wenching sir?  
'tis a Court game, believe it,  
As familiar as Gleek, or any other.  Crisp 
Wenching? O fie, the Disease follows it:  
Beside, can the fingering taffeties, or Lawns,  
Or a painted hand, or a Breast be like the pleasure  
In taking Clients fees, and piling them  
In several goodly rows before my Desk?  
And according to the bigness of each heap,  
Which I took by a lere: for Lawyers do not tell them,  
I veiled my cap, and withal gave great hope  
The Cause should go on their sides.  San. 
What think you then  
Of a good cry of Hounds? It has been known  
Dogs have hunted Lordships to a fault.  Crisp. 
Cry of Curs?  
The noise of Clients at my Chamber door,  
Was sweeter Music far, in my conceit,  
Than all the Haunting in Europe.  San. 
Pray stay sir,  
Say he should spend it in good Housekeeping.  Crisp. 
I marry sir, to have him keep a good house,  
And not sell't away, I'd find no fault with that:  
But his Kitchen, I'd have no bigger than a Saw-pit;  
For the smallness of a Kitchen without question,  
Makes many Noblemen in France and Spain,  
Build the rest of the house the bigger.  San. 
Yes, Mock-beggars.  Crisp. 
Some seven-score Chimneys,  
But half of them have no tunnels.  San. 
A pox upon them cuckshaws that beget  
Such monsters without fundaments.  Crisp. 
Come, come, leave citing other vanities;  
For neither Wine, nor Lust, nor riotous feasts,  
Rich clothes, nor all the pleasure that the Devil  
Has ever practised with, to raise a man  
To a devil's likeness, ere brought man that pleasure  
I took in getting my wealth: so I conclude.  
If he can outvie me, let it fly toth' Devil.  
yond's my son, what company keeps he?  San. 
The Gentleman he talks with,  Enter Rom. Julio. Ariosto, Baptista 
Is Romelio the Merchant.  Crisp. 
I never saw him till now,  
'a has a brave sprightly look, I knew his father,  
And sojourned in his house two years together,  
Before this young man's birth; I have news to tell him  
Of certain losses happened him at Sea,  
That will not please him.  San 
What that dapper fellow  
In the long stocking? I do think 'twas he  
Came to your lodging this morning.  Crisp. 
'tis the same,  
There he stands, but a little piece of flesh,  
But he is the very miracle of a Lawyer,  
One that persuades men to peace, & compounds quarrels  
Among his neighbours, without going to law.  San. 
And is he a Lawyer?  Crisp. 
Yes, and will give counsel  
In honest causes gratis, never in his life  
Took fee, but he came and spoke for't, is a man  
Of extreme practice, and yet all his longing,  
Is to become a judge.  San. 
Indeed that's a rare longing with men of his profession. I think he'll prove the miracle of a lawyer indeed.  Rom. 
here's the man brought word your father died i'th' Indies.  Iul. 
He died in perfect memory I hope,  
And made me his heir.  Cri. 
Yes sir.  Iul. 
He's gone the right way then without question:  
Friend, in time of mourning, we must not use any action,  
That is but accessary to the making men merry,  
I do therefore give you nothing for your good tidings.  Cris. 
Nor do I look for it sir.  Iul. 
Honest fellow, give me thy hand, I do not think but thou hast carried New years' gifts toth' Court in thy days, and learnedst there to be so free of thy pains taking.  Rom. 
Here's an old Gentleman says he was chamber-fellow to your father, when they studied the Law together at Barcelona.  jul 
Do you know him?  Rom. 
Not I, he's newly come to Naples.  Iul. 
And what's his business?  Rom. 
'a says he's come to read you good counsel.  Crisp. 
To him, rate him soundly.  This is spoke aside, Iul. 
And what's your counsel?  Ari. 
Why, I would have you leave your whoring.  Iul. 
He comes hotly upon me at first: whoring?  Ari. 
O young quat, incontinence is plagued  
In all the creatures of the world.  Iul. 
When did you ever hear, that a cocksparrow  
Had the French pox?  Ari. 
When did you ever know any of them fat, but in the nest? ask all your Cantaride-mongers that question; remember yourself sir.  Iul. 
A very fine Naturalist, a Physician, I raise you by your round slop; for 'tis just of the bigness, and no more, of the case for a Urinal: 'tis concluded, you are a Physician. What do you mean sir, you'd take cold.  Ari. 
'tis concluded, you are a fool, a precious one, you are a mere stick of Sugar Candy, a man may look quite thorough you  Jul. 
You are a very bold gamester.  Ar. 
I can play at chess, & know how to handle a rook.  Iul. 
Pray preserve your velvet from the dust.  Ari. 
Keep your hat upon the block sir,  
'Twill continue fashion the longer.  Iul. 
I was never so abused with the hat in the hand  
In my life.  Ari. 
I will put on, why look you,  
Those lands that were the Clients, are now become  
The Lawyers; and those tenements that were  
The Country gentleman's, are now grown  
To be his Tailors.  Iul. 
tailors?  Ario. 
Yes, Tailors in France, they grow to great  
Abominable purchase, and become great officers.  
How many Ducats think you he has spent  
Within a twelvemonth, besides his father's allowance?  Iul. 
Besides my father's allowance?  
Why Gentleman, do you think an Auditor begat me?  
Would you have me make even at years' end?  Rom. 
A hundred ducats a month in breaking Venice glasses.  Ario. 
He learned that of an English drunkard,  
And a Knight too, as I take it.  
This comes of your numerous Wardrobe.  Rom. 
ay, and wearing Cutwork, a pound a Pearl.  Ario 
Your dainty embroidered stockings,  
With overblown Roses, to hide your gouty ankles.  Ro. 
And wearing more taffety for a garter, then would serve the Galley dung-boat for streamers. (strissimi.  Ari. 
Your switching up at the horse-race, with the Illum-  Rom. 
And studying a puffing arithmetic at the cockpit.  Ari. 
Shaking your elbow at the Taule-boord.  Rom. 
And resorting to your whore in hired velvet,  
With a spangled copper fringe at her netherlands.  Ari. 
Whereas if you had stayed at Padua, and fed upon  
Cow trotters, and fresh beef to Supper.  Iul. 
How I am baited?  Ari. 
Nay, be not you so forward with him neither, for 'tis thought, you'll prove a main part of his undoing.  Iul. 
I think this fellow is a witch  Rom. 
Who I sir?  Ari. 
You have certain rich city Chuffs, that when they have no acres of their own, they will go and blow up fools, and turn them into excellent meadow; besides some Enclosures for the first Cherries in the Spring,  
And Apricots to pleasure a friend at Court with.  
You have Pothecaries deal in selling commodities to young Gallants, will put four or five coxcombs into a sieve, and so drum with them upon their Counter; they'll searse them through like Ginny Pepper, they cannot endure to find a man like a pair of Tarriers, they would undo him in a trice.  Rom. 
May be there are such.  Ari. 
O terrible exactors, fellows with six hands,  
And three heads.  Iul. 
I those are Hell hounds.  Ari. 
Take heed of them, they'll rent thee like Tenterhooks. Hark in your ear, there is intelligence upon you; the report goes, there has been gold conveyed beyond the Sea in hollow Anchors. Farewell, you shall know me better, I will do thee more good, than thou art aware of.  Iul. 
he's a mad fellow.  Exit Ar. San. 
He would have made an excellent Barber,  
He does so curry it with his tongue.  Exit. Crisp. 
Sir, I was directed to you.  Rom. 
From whence?  Crisp. 
From the East Indies.  Rom. 
You are very welcome.  Cri. 
Please you walk apart,  
I shall acquaint you with particulars  
Touching your Trading i'th' East Indies.  Rom. 
Willingly, pray walk sir.  Ex. Cris. Rom. Enter Ercole. Erc. 
Oh my right worthy friends, you have stayed me long, one health, and then aboard; for all the Galleys are come about.  Enter Contarino. Cont. 
Signior Ercole,  
The wind has stood my friend sir, to prevent  
Your putting to Sea.  Erc. 
Pray why sit?  Cont. 
Only love sir,  
That I might take my leave sir, and withal  
Entreat from you a private recommends  
To a friend in Malta, 'twould be delivered  
To your bosom, for I had no time to write.  Erc. 
Pray leave us Gentlemen.  Exeunt. 
willt please you sit?  They sit down. Con. 
Sir, my love to you has proclaimed you one,  
Whose word was still led by a noble thought,  
And that thought followed by as fair a died:  
Deceive not that opinion, we were Students  
At Padua together, and have long  
Toth' world's eye shown like friends,  
Was it hearty on your part to me?  Erc. 
Unfeigned.  Con. 
You are false  
To the good thought I held of you, and now  
join the worst part of man to you, your malice,  
To uphold that falsehood, sacred innocence  
Is fled your bosom. Signior, I must tell you,  
To draw the picture of unkindness truly,  
Is to express two that have dearly loved,  
And fall'n at variance; 'tis a wonder to me,  
Knowing my interest in the fair jolenta,  
That you should love her.  Erc. 
Compare her beauty, and my youth together,  
And you will find the fair effects of love  
No miracle at all.  Con 
Yes, it will prove prodigious to you.  
I must stay your Voyage.  Erc. 
Your Warrant must be mighty.  Con. 
'Thas a Seal from heaven  
To do it, since you would ravish from me  
What's there entitled mine: and yet I vow,  
By the essential front of spotless Virtue,  
I have compassion of both our youths:  
To approve which, I have not ta'en the way,  
Like an Italian, to cut your throat  
By practice, that had given you now for dead,  
And never frowned upon you.  Erc. 
You deal fair sir.  Con. 
Quit me of one doubt, pray sir.  Erc. 
Move it.  Con. 
'tis this,  
Whether her Brother were a main Instrument  
In her design for Marriage.  Erc. 
If I tell truth, you will not credit me.  Con. 
Why?  Erc. 
I will tell you truth,  
Yet show some reason you have not to believe me:  
Her Brother had no hand in't, is't not hard  
For you to credit this: for you may think,  
I count it baseness to engage another  
Into my quarrel; and for that take leave  
To dissemble the truth. Sir, if you will fight  
With any but myself, fight with her Mother,  
She was the motive.  Con. 
I have no enemy in the world then, but yourself;  
You must fight with me.  Erc. 
I will sir.  Con. 
And instantly.  Erc. 
I will haste before you, point whither.  Con 
Why you speak nobly, and for this fair dealing,  
Were the rich jewel which we vary for,  
A thing to be divided, by my life,  
I would be well content to give you half:  
But since 'tis vain to think we can be friends,  
'tis needful one of us be ta'en away,  
From being the other's enemy.  Erc. 
Yet methinks, this looks not like a quarrel.  Con. 
Not a quarrel?  Erc. 
You have not apparelled your fury well,  
It goes too plain like a Scholar.  Con. 
It is an ornament makes it more terrible,  
And you shall find it  
A weighty injury, and attended on  
By discreet valour; because I do not strike you,  
Or give you the lie, such foul preparatives  
Would show like the stale injury of Wine.  
I reserve my rage to sit on my sword's point,  
Which a great quantity of your best blood  
Cannot satisfy.  Erc. 
You promise well to yourself.  
Shall's have no Seconds?  Con. 
None, for fear of prevention.  Erc. 
The length of our weapons.  Con. 
we'll sit them by the way:  
So whether our time calls us to live or die,  
Let us do both like noble Gentlemen,  
And true Italians.  Erc. 
For that let me embrace you:  Con. 
methinks, being an Italian, I trust you  
To come somewhat too near me:  
But your jealousy gave that embrace to try  
If I were armed, did it not.  Erc. 
No believe me,  
I take your heart to be sufficient proof,  
Without a privy coat; and for my part,  
A taffety is all the shirt of Mail  
I am armed with.  Cont. 
You deal equally.  Exeunt. Enter julio, and Servant. Iul. 
Where are these Gallants, the brave Ercole,  
And noble Contarino?  Ser. 
They are newly gone sir,  
And bade me tell you, that they will return  
Within this half hour.  Enter Romelio. Iul. 
Met you the Lord Ercole?  Rom 
No, but I met the devil in villainous tidings.  Iul. 
Why, what's the matter?  Rom. 
Oh I am poured out like water, the greatest  
Rivers i'th' world are lost in the Sea,  
And so am I: pray leave me.  
Where's Lord Ercole?  Iu. 
You were scarce gone hence, but in came Contarino.  Rom. 
Contarino?  Iu. 
And entreated some private conference with Ercole,  
And on the sudden they have giv'n's the slip.  Rom. 
One mischief never comes alone:  
They are gone to fight.  Iul. 
To fight?  Rom. 
And you be Gentlemen,  
Do not talk, but make haste after them.  Iul. 
Let's take several ways then,  
And if't be possible for women's sakes,  
For they are proper men, use our endeavours,  
That the prick do not spoil them.  Exeunt. Enter Ercole, Contarino. Con. 
You'll not forgo your interest in my Mistress?  Erc. 
My sword shall answer that; come, are you ready?  Con. 
Before you fight sir, think upon your cause,  
It is a wondrous foul one, and I wish,  
That all your exercise these four days past,  
Had been employed in a most fervent prayer,  
And the foul sin for which you are to fight  
Chiefly remembered in't.  Erc. 
I'd as soon take  
Your counsel in Divinity at this present,  
As I would take a kind direction from you  
For the managing my weapon; and indeed,  
Both would show much alike.  
Come are you ready?  Con 
Bethink yourself,  
How fair the object is that we contend for.  Erc. 
Oh, I cannot forget it.  They fight. Con. 
You are hurt.  Erc. 
Did you come hither only to tell me so,  
Or to do it? I mean well, but 'twill not thrive.  Con. 
Your cause, your cause sir:  
Will you yet be a man of Conscience, and make  
Restitution for your rage upon your deathbed?  Er. 
Never, till the grave gather one of us.  Fight. Con. 
That was fair, and home I think.  Er. 
You prate as if you were in a Fence-school.  Con. 
Spare your youth, have compassion on yourself.  Er. 
When I am all in pieces, I am now unfit  
For any lady's bed; take the rest with you.  Contarino wounded, falls upon Ercole. Con. 
I am lost in too much daring: yield your sword.  Er. 
To the pangs of death I shall, but not to thee.  Con. 
You are now at my repairing, or confusion:  
Beg your life.  Erc 
Oh most foolishly demanded,  
To bid me beg that which thou canst not give.  Enter Romelio, Prosp. Bapt. Ario julio. Pro. 
See both of them are lost; we come too late.  Rom. 
Take up the body, and convey it  
To Saint Sebastian's Monastery.  Con. 
I will not part with his sword, I have won't.  Iul. 
You shall not:  
Take him up gently: so, and bow his body,  
For fear of bleeding inward.  
Well, these are perfect lovers.  Pros. 
Why, I pray?  Iul. 
It has been ever my opinion,  
That there are none love perfectly indeed,  
But those that hang or drown themselves for love:  
Now these have chose a death next to Beheading,  
They have cut one another's throats,  
Brave valiant Lads.  Pro. 
Come, you do ill, to set the name of valour  
Upon a violent and mad despair.  
Hence may all learn, that count such actions well,  
The roots of fury shoot themselves to hell.  Exeunt. Enter Romelio, Ariosto. Ario. 
Your losses I confess, are infinite,  
Yet sir, you must have patience.  Rom. 
Sir, my losses I know, but you I do not.  Ari. 
'tis most true, I am but a stranger to you, but am  
Wished by some of your best friends, to visit you,  
And out of my experience in the world,  
To instruct you patience.  Rom. 
Of what profession are you?  Ario. 
Sir, I am a Lawyer.  Rom. 
Of all men living,  
You Lawyers I account the only men  
To confirm patience in us, your delays  
Would make three parts of this little Christian world  
Run out of their wits else.  
Now I remember, you read Lectures to julio,  
Are you such a Leech for patience?  Ari. 
Yes sir, I have had some crosses.  Rom. 
You are married then I am certain.  Ari. 
That I am sir.  Rom. 
And have you studied patience?  Ario. 
You shall find I have.  Rom. 
Did you ever see your wife make you Cuckold?  Ario. 
Make me Cuckold?  Rom. 
I ask it seriously, and you have not seen that,  
Your patience has not ta'en the right degree  
Of wearing Scarlet; I should rather take you  
For a Bachelor in the Art, then for a Doctor.  Ari. 
You are merry. (angry.  Rom. 
No sir, with leave of your patience, I am horrible  Ari. 
What should move you?  
Put forth that harsh Interrogatory, if these eyes  
Ever saw my wife do the thing you wot of.  Rom. 
Why I'll tell you,  
Most radically to try your patience,  
And the mere question shows you but a dunce in't.  
It has made you angry; there's another lawyer's beard  
In your forehead, you do bristle.  Ari. 
You are very conceited:  
But come, this is not the right way to cure you.  
I must talk to you like a Divine.  Rom 
I have heard some talk of it very much, and many  
times to their auditor's impatience; but I pray,  
What practice do they make of't in their lives?  
They are too full of choler with living honest,  
And some of them not only impatient  
Of their own sleightest injuries, but stark mad,  
At one another's preferment: now to you sir,  
I have lost three goodly Carracks.  Ari. 
So I hear.  Rom. 
The very Spice in them,  
Had they been shipwrecked here upon our coast,  
Would have made all our Sea a Drench.  Ario. 
All the sick horses in Italy  
Would have been glad of your loss them.  Rom. 
You are conceited too,  Ario. 
Come, come, come,  
You gave those ships most strange, most dreadful,  
And unfortunate names, I never looked they'd prosper.  Rom. 
Is there any ill Omen in giving names to ships?  Ario. 
Did you not call one, The Storms Defiance;  
Another, The Scourge of the Sea; and the third, The great Leviathan?  Rom. 
Very right sir.  Ari. 
Very devilish names  
All three of them: and surely I think,  
They were cursed in their very cradles, I do mean,  
When they were upon their Stocks.  Rom. 
Come, you are superstitious,  
I'll give you my opinion, and 'tis serious:  
I am persuaded there came not Cuckolds enough  
To the first Launching of them,  
And 'twas that made them thrive the worse for't.  
Oh your Cuckold's handsel is prayed for i'th' City.  Ari. 
I will hear no more,  
Give me thy hand, my intent of coming hither,  
Was to persuade you to patience; as I live,  
If ever I do visit you again,  
It shall be to entreat you to be angry, sure I will,  
I'll be as good as my word, believe it.  Exit. Rom. 
So sir: how now?  Enter Leonora. 
Are the screech-owls abroad already?  Leon. 
What a dismal noise yond bell makes,  
Sure some great person's dead.  Rom. 
No such matter,  
It is the common Bellman goes about,  
To publish the sale of goods.  Leon. 
Why do they ring before my gate thus?  
Let them intoth' Court, I cannot understand  
What they say.  Enter two Belmen and a Capouchin. Cap. 
For pity's sake, you that have tears to shed,  
Sigh a soft Requiem, and let fall a Bead,  
For two unfortunate Nobles, whose sad fate  
Leaves them both dead, and excommunicate:  
No churchman's prayer to comfort their last groans,  
No sacred seed of earth to hide their bones;  
But as their fury wrought them out of breath,  
The Canon speaks them guilty of their own death.  Leon. 
What Noble men I pray sir?  Cap. 
The Lord Ercole, and the noble Contarino,  
Both of them slain in single combat.  Leo. 
O, I am lost for ever.  Rom. 
Denied Christian burial, I pray what does that,  
Or the dead lazy march in the Funeral,  
Or the flattery in the Epitaphs, which shows  
More sluttish far than all the spider's webs  
Shall ever grow upon it: what do these  
Add to our well being after death?  Capu. 
Not a scruple.  Rom. 
Very well then,  
I have a certain Meditation,  
If I can think of somewhat to this purpose,  
I'll say it to you, while my mother there  
Numbers her Beads.  
You that dwell near these graves and vaults,  
Which oft do hide physician's faults,  
Note what a small Room does suffice,  
To express men's good, their vanities,  
Would fill more volume in small hand,  
Than all the Evidence of Churchland.  
Funerals hide men in civil wearing,  
And are to the Drapers a good hearing,  
Make the Heralds laugh in their black Payment,  
And all die Worthies die worth payment.  
To the Altar Offerings, though their fame,  
And all the charity of their name,  
'tween heaven and this yield no more light,  
Then rotten trees, which shine i'th' night.  
Oh look the last Act be the best i'th' Play,  
And then rest gentle bones, yet pray,  
That when by the precise you are viewed,  
A Supersede as be not sued,  
To remove you to a place more airy,  
That in your stead they may keep chary  
Stockfish, or sea-coal, for the abuses  
Of sacrilege have turned graves to vilder uses.  
How then can any Monument say,  
Here rest these bones, till the last day,  
When time swift both of foot and feather,  
May bear them the Sexton ken not whither.  
What care I then, though my last sleep,  
Be in the Desert, or in the deep,  
No Lamp, nor Taper, day and night,  
To give my Charnel chargeable light:  
I have there like quantity of ground,  
And at the last day I shall be found.  
Now I pray leave me.  Capu. 
I am sorry for your losses.  Rom. 
umh sir the more spacious that the Tennis court is,  
The more large is the Hazard.  
I dare the spiteful Fortune do her worst,  
I can now fear nothing.  Capu. 
Oh sir, yet consider,  
He that is without fear, is without hope,  
And sins from presumption; better thoughts attend you.  Ro. 
Poor jolenta, should she hear of this?  Exit. Ca. 
She would not after the report keep fresh,  
So long as flowers in graves.  Enter Prospero. 
How now Prospero.  Pro. 
Contarino has sent you here his Will,  
Wherein a has made your sister his sole heir.  Rom 
Is he not dead?  Pro. 
he's yet living.  Rom. 
Living? the worse luck.  Leo. 
The worse: I do protest it is the best,  
That ever came to disturb my prayers.  Rom. 
How?  Leon. 
Yet I would have him live  
To satisfy public justice for the death  
Of Ercole: oh go visit him for heaven's sake.  
I have within my Closet a choice Relic,  
Preservative 'gainst swooning, and some earth,  
Brought from the Holy Land, right sovereign  
To staunch blood: has he skilful Surgeons, think you?  Pro. 
The best in Naples?  Rom. 
How oft has he been dressed?  Pro. 
But once.  Leo. 
I have some skill this way:  
The second or third dressing will show clearly,  
Whether there be hope of life: I pray be near him,  
If there be any soul can bring me word,  
That there is hope of life.  Rom. 
Do you prize his life so?  Leo. 
That he may live;  
I mean to come to his trial, to satisfy the Law.  Rom. 
Oh, is't nothing else?  Leo 
I shall be the happiest woman.  Exeunt Le. Pro. Rom. 
Here is cruelty apparelled in kindness.  
I am full of thoughts, strange ones, but they're no good ones.  
I must visit Contarino, upon that  
Depends an Engine shall weigh up my losses,  
Were they sunk as low as hell; yet let me think,  
How I am impaired in a hour, and the cause of't,  
Lost in security: oh how this wicked world bewitches,  
Especially made insolent with riches:  
So Sails with fore-winds stretched, do soonest break,  
And pyramids ath top, are still most weak.  Exit. Enter Capuchin, Ercole led between two. Cap. 
Look up sir, you are preserved beyond natural reason, you were brought dead out a'th' field, the Surgeons ready to have embalmed you.  Erc. 
I do look on my action with a thought of terror,  
To do ill and dwell in't, is unmanly.  Cap. 
You are divinely informed sir.  Erc. 
I fought for one, in whom I have no more right,  
Then false executors have in Orphans goods,  
They cozen them of; yet though my cause were nought,  
I rather chose the hazard of my soul,  
Then forego the compliment of a choleric man.  
I pray continue the report of my death, and give out,  
Cause the Church denied me Christian burial,  
The Vice admiral of my Galleys took my body,  
With purpose to commit it to the earth,  
Either in Sicil, or Malta.  Cap. 
What aim you at by this rumour of your death?  Erc. 
There is hope of life  
In Contarino; and he has my prayers,  
That he may live to enjoy what is his own,  
The fair jolenta; where, should it be thought  
That I were breathing, happily her friends  
Would oppose it still.  Capu. 
But if you be supposed dead,  
The Law will strictly prosecute his life  
For your murder.  Erc. 
That's prevented thus,  
There does belong a noble Privilege  
To all his Family, ever since his father,  
Bore from the worthy Emperor Charles the fift,  
An answer to the French Kings challenge, at such time  
The two noble Princes were engaged to fight.  
Upon a frontier arm o'th' sea in a flat-bottomed Boat,  
That if any of his Family should chance  
To kill a man i'th' Field, in a noble cause,  
He should have his Pardon; now sir, for his cause,  
The world may judge if it were not honest.  
Pray help me in speech, 'tis very painful to me.  Capu 
Sir I shall.  Erc. 
The guilt of this lies in Romelio,  
And as I hear, to second this good Contract,  
He has got a Nun with child.  Cap. 
These are crimes that either must make work  
For speedy repentance, or for the Devil.  Erc. 
I have much compassion on him,  
For sin and shame are ever tIED together,  
With gordian knots, of such a strong thread spun,  
They cannot without violence be undone.  Exeunt. 
Explicit Actus secundi.   

ACTVS TERTIVS, SCENA PRIMA.  Enter Ariosto, Crispiano. Ariost. 
Well sir, now I must claim your promise,  
To reveal to me the cause why you live thus clouded.  Crisp. 
Sir, the King of Spain  
Suspects, that your Romelio here, the Merchant  
Has discovered some Gold-mine to his own use,  
In the West Indies, and for that employs me,  
To discover in what part of Christendom  
He vents this I reassure: Besides, he is informed  
What mad tricks has been played of late by Ladies.  Ari 
Most true, and I am glad the King has heard on't:  
Why they use their Lords, as if they were their Wards;  
And as your Dutchwomen in the Low-Countries,  
Take all and pay all, and do keep their Husbands  
So silly all their lives of their own estates,  
That when they are sick, and come to make their Will,  
They know not precisely what to give away  
From their wives, because they know not what they are  
So here should I repeat what factions, (worth:  
What Bat-fowling for Offices,  
As you must conceive their Game is all i'th' night,  
What calling in question one another's honesties  
Withal what sway they bear i'th' viceroy's Court,  
You'd wonder at it:  
'twill do well shortly, can we keep them off  
From being of our Council of War.  Crisp. 
Well, I have vowed,  
That I will never sit upon the Bench more,  
Unless it be to curb the insolences.  
Of these women.  Ario. 
Well, take it on my word then,  
Your place will not long be empty.  Exeunt. Enter Romelio in the habit of a jew. Rom. 
Excellently well habited, why methinks,  
That I could play with mine own shadow now,  
And be a rare Italienated jew;  
To have as many several change of faces,  
As I have seen carved upon on cherry-stone;  
To wind about a man like rotten ivy,  
Eat into him like Quicksilver, poison a friend  
with pulling but a loose hair from's beard, or give a drench,  
He should singer of't nine years, and ne'er complain,  
But in the Spring and Fall, and so the cause  
Imputed to the disease natural, for sleight villainies,  
As to coin money, corrupt ladies' Honours,  
Betray a Town toth' Turk, or make a Bonfire  
A'th' Christian Navy, I could settle to't,  
As if I had eat a Politician,  
And digested him to nothing but pure blood.  
But stay, I lose myself, this is the house.  
Within there.  Enter two Surgeons. 1 Sur. 
Now sir.  Rom. 
You are the men of Art, that as I hear,  
Have the Lord Contarino under cure.  2. Sur. 
Yes sir, we are his Surgeons,  
But he is past all Cure.  Rom. 
Why, is he dead?  1. Sur. 
He is speechless sir, and we do find his wound  
So festered near the vitals, all our Art  
By warm drinks, cannot clear th'impostumation,  
And he's so weak, to make  
By the orifice were present death to him.  Rom 
He has made a Will I hear.  1. Sur. 
Yes sir.  Rom 
And deputed jolenta his heir.  2. Sur. 
He has, we are witness to't.  Rom 
Has not Romelio been with you yet,  
To give you thanks, and ample recompense  
For the pains you have ta'en.  1. Sur. 
Not yet.  Rom. 
Listen to me Gentlemen, so I protest,  
If you will seriously mind your own good,  
I am come about a business shall convey  
large legacies from Contarino's Will  
To both of you.  2 Sur. 
How sir?  
Why Rom. has the will, & in that he has given us nothing.  Rom. 
I pray attend me: I am a Physician.  2. Sur. 
A Physician? where do you practise?  Rom. 
In Rome.  1. Sur. 
O then you have store of Patients.  Rom. 
Store? why look you, I can kill my 20 a month  
And work but i'th' forenoons: you will give me leave  
To jest and be merry with you, but as I said,  
All my study has been Physic, I am sent  
From a noble Roman that is near a kin  
To Contarino, and that ought indeed,  
By the Law of Alliance, be his only heir,  
To practise his good and yours.  Both. 
How, I pray sir?  Rom. 
I can by an Extraction which I have,  
Though he were speechless, his eyes set in's head,  
His pulses without motion, restore to him  
For half an hour's space, the use of sense,  
And perhaps a little speech: having done this,  
If we can work him, as no doubt we shall,  
To make another Will, and therein assign  
This Gentleman his Heir, I will assure you,  
'fore I depart this house, ten thousand Ducats,  
And then we'll pull the pillow from his head,  
And let him e'en go whither the Religion sends him  
That he died in.  1. Sur. 
Will you give's ten thousand Ducats?  Rom 
Upon my Jewism.  Contarino in a bed. 2. Sur. 
'tis a bargain sir, we are yours:  
Here is the Subject you must work on.  Rom. 
Well said, you are honest men,  
And go to the business roundly: but Gentlemen,  
I must use my Art singly.  1 Sur. 
Oh sir, you shall have all privacy,  Rom. 
And the doors locked to me.  2. Sur. 
At your best pleasure.  
Yet for all this, I will not trust this jew.  1. Sur. 
Faith, to say truth,  
I do not like him neither, he looks like a rogue.  
This is a fine toy fetch a man to life,  
To make a new Will, there's some trick in't.  
I'll be near you jew.  Exeunt Surgeons. Rom. 
Excellent as I would wish: these credulous fools  
Have given me freely what I would have bought  
With a great deal of money.- Softly, her's breath yet;  
Now Ercole, for part of the Revenge,  
Which I have vowed for thy untimely death:  
Besides, this politic working of my own,  
That scorns precedent, why should this great man live,  
And not enjoy my sister, as I have vowed  
He never shall? Oh, he may altars will  
Every New Moon if he please; to prevent which,  
I must put in a strong Caveat. Come forth then  
My desperate stiletto, that may be worn  
In a woman's hair, and ne'er discovered,  
And either would be taken for a Bodkin,  
Or a curling iron at most; why 'tis an engine,  
That's only fit to put in execution Barmotho Pigs,  
A most unmanly weapon,  
That steals into a man's life he knows not how:  
O great Caesar, he that past the shock  
Of so many armed Pikes, and poisoned Darts,  
Swords, Slings, and Battleaxes, should at length  
Sitting at ease on a cushion, come to die  
By such a shoemaker's awl as this, his soul et forth  
At a hole, no bigger than the incision  
Made for a wheal: vos foot, I am horribly angry,  
That he should die so scurvily: yet wherefore  
Do I condemn thee thereof so cruelly?  
Yet shake him by the hand, 'tis to express,  
That I would never have such weapons used,  
But in a plot like this, that's treacherous:  
Yet this shall prove most merciful to thee,  
For it shall preserve thee  
From dying on a public Scaffold, and withal  
Bring thee an absolute Cure, thus.  Stabs him. 
So, 'tis done: and now for my escape.  Enter Surgeons. 1. Sur. 
You Rogue mountebank,  
I will try whether your innards can endure  
To be washed in scalding lead.  Rom. 
Hold, I turn Christian.  2. Sur. 
Nay prithee be a jew still;  
I would not have a Christian be guilty  
Of such a villainous act as this is.  Rom. 
I am Romelio the Merchant.  1 Sur. 
Romelio! you have proved yourself  
A cunning Merchant indeed.  Rom. 
You may read why I came hither.  2 Sur. 
Yes, in a bloody Roman Letter.  Rom. 
I did hate this man, each minute of his breath  
Was torture to me.  1 Sur. 
Had you forborn this act, he had not lived  
This two hours.  Rom. 
But he had died then,  
And my revenge unsatisfied: here's gold;  
Never did wealthy man purchase the silence  
Of a terrible scolding wife at a dearer rate,  
Than I will pay for yours: here's your earnest  
In a bag of double Ducats.  2. Sur. 
Why look you sir, as I do weigh this business,  
This cannot be counted murder in you by no means.  
Why 'tis no more, then should I go and choke  
An Irish man, that were three quarters drowned,  
With powering Usquebath in's throat.  Ro. 
You will be secret  1. Su. 
As your soul. (then.  Rom. 
The west Indies shall sooner want gold, than you  2. Sum 
That protestation has the music of the Mint in't.  Ro. 
How unfortunately was I surprised, I have made myself a slave perpetually to these two beggars.  Exit. 1. Su. 
Excellent; by this act he has made his estate ours.  2. Su. 
He presently grow a lazy Surgeon, & ride on my foot-cloth; He fetch from him every eight days a policy for a hundred double Ducats; if he grumble, I'll peach.  1. Sur. 
But let's take heed he do not poison us.  2 Sur. 
Oh, I will never eat nor drink with him,  
Without unicorn's Horn in a hollow tooth.  Cont. 
Oh.  1. Sur. 
Did he not groan?  2. Sur. 
Is the wind in that door still?  1. Sur. 
Ha! come hither, note a strange accident:  
His Steel has lighted in the former wound,  
And made free passage for the congealed blood;  
Observe in what abundance it delivers the putrefaction.  2. Sur. 
methinks he fetches his breath very lively.  1. Sur. 
The hand of heaven is in't,  
That his intent to kill him should become  
The very direct way to save his life  2 Sur. 
Why this is like one I have heard of in England,  
Was cured a'th' Gout, by being racked i'th' Tower.  
Well, if we can recover him, here's reward  
On both sides: howsoever we must be secret.  1 Sur. 
We are tIED to't,  
When we cure Gentlemen of foul diseases,  
They give us so much for the cure, and twice as much,  
That we do not blab on't. Come let's to work roundly,  
Heat the Lotion, and bring the Searing.  Exeunt. A Table set forth with two Tapers, a Death's head, a Book, jolenta in mourning, Romelio sits by her. Rom 
Why do you grieve thus? take a looking-glass,  
And see if this sorrow become you; that pale face  
Will make men think you used some Art before,  
Some odious painting: Contarino's dead.  Iol. 
Oh that he should die so soon.  Rom. 
Why, I pray tell me,  
Is not the shortest fever the best? and are not bad Plays  
The worse for their length?  Iolen. 
Add not toth' ill you've done  
An odious slander; he stuck i'th' eyes a'th' Court,  
As the most choice jewel there.  Rom. 
Oh be not angry;  
Indeed the Court to well composed nature  
Adds much to perfection: for it is or should be,  
As a bright Crystal, Mirror to the world,  
To dress itself; but I must tell you sister,  
If th' excellency of the place could have wrought salvation,  
The Devil had ne'er fall'n from heaven; he was proud,  
Leave us, leave us?  
Come, take your seat again, I have a plot,  
If you will listen to it seriously,  
That goes beyond example, it shall breed  
Out of the death of these two Noble men,  
The advancement of our House.  Iol. 
Oh take heed, a grave is a rotten foundation.  Rom. 
Nay, nay, hear me.  
'tis somewhat indirectly, I confess:  
But there is much advancement in the world,  
That comes in indirectly. I pray mind me:  
You are already made by absolute Will,  
Contarino's heir: now, if it can be proved,  
That you have issue by Lord Ercole,  
I will make you inherit his Land too.  Iol. 
How's this? issue by him, he dead, and I a Virgin!  Rom. 
I know you would wonder how it could be done,  
But I have laid the case so radically,  
Not all the Lawyers in Christendom,  
Shall find any the least flaw in't: I have a Mistress  
Of the Order of Saint Clare, a beauteous Nun,  
Who being cloistered ere she knew the heat,  
Her blood would arrive to, had only time enough  
To repent, and idleness sufficient  
To fall in love with me; and to be short,  
I have so much disordered the holy Order,  
I have got this Nun with child.  Jol. 
Excellent work made for a dumb Midwife.  Rom. 
I am glad you grow thus pleasant.  
Now will I have you presently give out,  
That you are full two months quickened with child  
By Ercole, which rumour can beget  
No scandal to you, since we will affirm,  
The Precontract was so exactly done,  
By the same words used in the form of marriage,  
That with a little Dispensation,  
A money matter, it shall be registered  
Absolute Matrimony.  Iol. 
So then I conceive you,  
My conceived child must prove your Bastard.  Rom. 
Right: for at such time  
My Mistress falls in labour, you must feign the like.  Iol. 
'tis a pretty feat this, but I am not capable of it.  Rom. 
Not capable?  Jol. 
No for the thing you would have me counterfeit,  
Is most essentially put in practice: nay, 'tis done,  
I am with child already.  Rom. 
Ha by whom?  Iol. 
By Contarino, do not knit the brow,  
The Precontract shall justify it, it shall:  
Nay, I will get some singular fine Churchman,  
Or though he be a plural one, shall affirm,  
He coupled us together  Rom. 
Oh misfortune!  
Your child must then be reputed Ercole's.  Iol. 
Your hopes are dashed then, since your Votaries issue  
Must not inherit the land.  Rom. 
No matter for that,  
So I preserve her fame. I am strangely puzzled:  
Why, suppose that she be brought a-bed before you,  
And we conceal her issue till the time  
Of your delivery, and then give out,  
That you have two at a birth, ha, wert not excellent?  Iol. 
And what resemblance think you, would they have  
To one another? Twins are still alike:  
But this is not your aim, you would have your child  
Inherit Ercole's Land,— Oh my sad soul,  
Have you not made me yet wretched enough,  
But after all this frosty age in youth,  
Which you have witched upon me, you will seek  
To poison my Fame.  Rom. 
That's done already.  jol 
No sir, I did but feign it,  
To a fatal purpose, as I thought.  Rom. 
What purpose?  Iol. 
If you had loved or tendered my dear honour,  
You would have locked your poniard in my heart,  
When I named I was with child; but I must live  
To linger out, till the consumption of my own  
Sorrow kill me.  Rom. 
This will not do; the Devil has on the sudden furnished me with a rare charm, yet a most unnatural falsehood: no matter so 'twill take.  
Stay sister, I would utter to you a business,  
But I am very loath: a thing indeed,  
Nature would have compassionately concealed,  
Till my mother's eyes be closed.  Iol. 
Pray what's that sir?  Rom. 
You did observe,  
With what a dear regard our mother tendered  
The Lord Contarino, yet how passionately  
She sought to cross the match: why this was merely  
To blind the eye o'th' world; for she did know  
That you would marry him, and he was capable  
My mother doted upon him, and it was plotted  
Cunningly between them, after you were married,  
Living all three together in one house,  
A thing I cannot whisper without horror:  
Why, the malice scarce of Devils would suggest,  
Incontinence 'tween them two.  Iol. 
I remember since his hurt,  
She has been very passionately enquiring,  
After his health.  Rom. 
Upon my soul, this jewel,  
With a piece of the holy Cross in't, this relic,  
valued at many thousand crowns, she would have sent him, lying upon his death bed.  Iol. 
Professing as you say,  
Love to my mother: wherefore did he make  
Me his heir?  Rom. 
His Will was made afore he went to fight,  
When he was first a Suitor to you.  Iol. 
To fight: oh well remembered,  
If he loved my mother, wherefore did he lose  
His life in my quarrel?  Rom. 
For the affront's sake, a word you understand not,  
Because Ercole was pretended Rival to him,  
To clear your suspicion; I was gulled in't too:  
Should he not have fought upon't,  
He had undergone the censure of a Coward.  Iol. 
How came you by this wretched knowledge?  Rom. 
His Surgeon overheard it,  
As he did sigh it out to his Confessor,  
Some half hour 'fore he died.  Jol. 
I would have the Surgeon hanged  
For abusing Confession, and for making me  
So wretched byth' report. Can this be truth?  Rom. 
No, but direct falsehood,  
As ever was banished the Court: did you ever hear  
Of a mother that has kept her daughter's husband  
For her own tooth? He fancied you in one kind,  
For his lust, and he loved  
Our mother in another kind, for her money,  
The Gallants fashion right. But come, ne'er think on't,  
Throw the foul to the Devil that hatched it, and let this  
Bury all ill that's in't, she is our mother.  Iol. 
I never did find any thing i'th' world,  
Turn my blood so much as this: here's such a conflict,  
Between apparent presumption, and unbelief,  
That I shall die in't.  
Oh, if there be another world i'th' Moon,  
As some fantastics dream, I could wish all men,  
The whole race of them, for their inconstancy,  
Sent thither to people that. Why, I protest,  
I now affect the Lord Ercole's memory,  
Better than the others.  Rom. 
But were Contarino living.  Iol. 
I do call any thing to witness,  
That the divine Law prescribed us  
To strengthen an oath, were he living and in health,  
I would never marry with him.  
Nay, since I have found the world  
So false to me, I'll be as false to it;  
I will mother this child for you.  Rom. 
Ha?  Iol. 
Most certainly it will be guile part of my sorrow.  Rom 
Oh most assuredly, make you smile to think,  
How many times i'th' world Lordships descend  
To diverse men, that might and truth were known  
Be heir, for any thing belongs toth' flesh,  
As well to the Turks richest Eunuch.  Iol. 
But do you not think  
I shall have a horrible strong breath now.  Rom. 
Why?  Iol. 
Oh, with keeping your counsel, 'tis so terrible foul,  Rom. 
Come, come, come,  
You must leave these bitter flashes.  Iol. 
Must I dissemble dishonesty? you have diverse  
Counterfeit honesty: but I hope here's none  
Will take exceptions; I now must practise  
The art of a great bellied woman, and go fain  
Their qualms and swoonings.  Rom. 
Eat unripe fruit, and Oatmeal, to take away your colour.  Iol. 
Dine in my bed some two hours afternoon.  Rom. 
And when you are up,  
Make to your petticoat a quilted preface,  
To advance your belly.  Iol. 
I have a strange conceit now.  
I have known some women when they were with child,  
Have longed to beat their Husbands: what if I,  
To keep decorum, exercise my longing  
Upon my tailor that way, and noddle him soundly,  
he'll make the larger Bill for't.  Rom. 
I'll get one shall be as tractable to't as Stockfish.  Iol. 
Oh my fantastical sorrow,  
Cannot I now be miserable enough,  
Unless I wear a pied fool's coat:  
Nay worse, for when our passions  
Such giddy and uncertain changes breed,  
We are never well, till we are mad indeed.  Exit. Rom. 
So, nothing in the world could have done this,  
But to beget in her a strong distaste  
Of the Lord Contarino: oh jealousy,  
How violent, especially in women,  
How often has it raised the devil up in form of a law case!  
My especial care must be, to nourish craftily this fiend,  
'tween the mother and the daughter, that the deceit  
Be not perceived. My next task, that my sister,  
After this supposed childbirth, be persuaded  
To enter into Religion: 'tis concluded,  
She must never marry; so I am left guardian  
To her estate: and lastly, that my two Surgeons  
Be waged to the East Indies: let them prate,  
When they are beyond the Line; the calenture,  
Or the Scurvy, or the Indian Pox, I hope,  
Will take order for their coming back.  Enter Leon. 
Oh here's my mother: I ha' strange news for you,  
My sister is with child.  Leo 
I do look now for some great misfortunes  
To follow: for indeed mischiefs,  
Are like the Visits of Franciscan Friars,  
They never come to pray upon us single.  
In what estate left you Contarino?  Rom. 
Strange, that you can skip  
From the former sorrow to such a question!  
I'll tell you, in the absence of his Surgeon,  
My charity did that for him in a trice,  
They would have done at leisure, and been paid for't.  
I have killed him.  Leon. 
I am twenty years elder since you last opened your lips.  Rom. 
Ha?  Leon. 
You have given him the wound you speak of,  
Quite thorough your mother's heart.  Rom. 
I will heal it presently mother: for this sorrow  
Belongs to your error: you would have him live,  
Because you think he's father of the child;  
But jolenta vows by all the rights of Truth,  
'tis Ercole's: it makes me smile to think,  
How cunningly my sister could be drawn  
To the Contract, and yet how familiarly  
To his bed. doves never couple  
Without a kind of murmur.  Leo. 
Oh, I am very sick.  Rom. 
Your old disease, when you are grieved,  
You are troubled with the Mother.  Leo. 
I am rapt with the Mother indeed,  
That I ever bore such a son.  Rom. 
Pray tend my sister,  
I am infinitely full of business.  Leo 
Stay you will mourn for Contarino.  Ro. 
Oh by all means, 'tis fit, my sister is his heir.  Exit. Leo. 
I will make you chief mourner, believe it.  
Never was woe like mine: oh that my care,  
And absolute study to preserve his life,  
Should be his absolute ruin. Is he gone then?  
There is no plague i'th' world can be compared  
To impossible desire; for they are plagued  
In the desire itself: never, oh never  
'Shall I behold him living, in whose life  
I lived far sweetlier than in mine own.  
A precise curiosity has undone me; why, did I not  
Make my love known directly? t'had not been  
Beyond example, for a Matron  
To affect i'th' honourable way of Marriage,  
So youthful a person: oh I shall run mad,  
For as we love our youngest children best:  
So the last fruit of our affection,  
wherever we bestow it, is most strong,  
Most violent, most unresistable,  
Since 'tis indeed our latest harvest-home,  
Last merriment Fore Winter; and we widows,  
As men report, of our best Picture-makers,  
We love the piece we are in hand with better,  
Than all the excellent work we have done before,  
And my son has deprived me of all this. Ha my son,  
I'll be a fury to him, like an Amazon Lady,  
I'd cut off his right pap, that gave him suck,  
To shoot him dead. I'll no more tender him,  
Then had a Wolf stolen to my tear i'th' night,  
And robbed me of my milk: nay, such a creature  
I should love better far.- Ha, ha, what say you?  
I do talk to somewhat, methinks; it may be  
My evil Genius. Do not the Bells ring?  
I have a strange noise in my head: oh, fly in pieces,  
Come age, and wither me into the malice  
Of those that have been happy, let me have  
One property more than the Devil of Hell,  
Let me envy the pleasure of youth heartily,  
Let me in this life fear no kind of ill,  
That have no good to hope for: let me die  
In the distraction of that worthy Princess,  
Who loathed food, and sleep, and ceremony,  
For thought of losing that brave Gentleman,  
She would fain have saved, had not a false countenance,  
Let me sink, where neither man,  
Nor memory may ever find me.  Falls down. Cap. 
This is a private way which I command,  
As her Confessor. I would not have you seen yet,  
Till I prepare her. Peace to you Lady.  Leo. 
Ha?  Cap 
You are well employed, I hope; the best pillow i'th'.  
World for this your contemplation, is the earth,  
And the best object heaven.  Leo. 
I am whispering to a dead friend.  Cap. 
And I am come  
To bring you tidings of a friend not dead,  
Reserved to life again.  Leo. 
Say sir.  Cap. 
One whom I dare presume, next to your children,  
You tendered above life.  Leo. 
Heaven will not suffer me utterly to be lost.  Cap. 
For he should have been  
Your son in Law, miraculously saved,  
When Surgery gave him over.  Leon. 
Oh, may you live  
To win many souls to heaven, worthy sir,  
That your crown may be the greater. Why my son  
made me believe he stole into his chamber,  
And ended that which Ercole began  
By a deadly stab in's heart.  Erco. 
Alas, she mistakes,  
'tis Contarino she wishes living; but I must fasten  
On her last words, for my own safety.  Leo. 
Where, oh where shall I meet this comfort?  Erco. 
Here in the vowed comfort of your daughter.  Leo. 
Oh I am dead again, instead of the man, you present me the grave swallowed him.  Erco. 
Collect yourself, good Lady,  
Would you behold brave Contarino living?  
There cannot be a nobler Chronicle  
Of his good than myself: if you would view him dead,  
I will present him to you bleeding fresh,  
In my penitency.  Leo. 
Sir, you do only live,  
To redeem another ill you have committed,  
That my poor innocent daughter perish not,  
By your vild sin, whom you have got with child.  Erco. 
Here begin a I my compassion: oh poor soul!  
she is with child by Contarino, and he dead,  
By whom should she preserve her fame toth' world,  
But by myself that loved her 'bove the world?  
There never was a way more honourable,  
To exercise my virtue, then to father it,  
And preserve her credit, and to marry her.  
I'll suppose her Contarino's widow, bequeathed to me  
Upon his Death: for sure she was his wife,  
But that the Ceremony a'th' Church was wanting.  
Report this to her, Madam, and withal,  
That never father did conceive more joy  
For the birth of an heir, than I to understand,  
She had such confidence in me. I will not now  
Press a Visit upon her, till you have prepared her:  
For I do read in your distraction,  
Should I be brought a'th' sudden to her presence,  
Either the hasty fright, or else the shame  
May blast the fruit within her. I will leave you,  
To commend as loyal faith and service to her,  
As ere heart harboured; by my hope of bliss,  
I never lived to do good act but this.  Cap. 
Withal and you be wise,  
Remember what the mother has revealed  
Of Romelio's treachery.  Exeunt Ercole, Capuchin. Leon. 
A most noble fellow in his loyalty.  
I read what worthy comforts I have lost  
In my dear Contarino, and all adds  
To my despair.— Within there.  Enter Winifrid. 
Fetch the picture hangs in my inner closet. I remember,  
I let a word slip of Romelio's practice  Exit Win. 
At the Surgeons: no matter I can salve it,  
I have deeper vengeance that's preparing for him,  
To let him live and kill him that's revenge  
I meditate upon.  Enter Win and the Picture. Leo. 
So, hang it up.  
I was enjoined by the party ought that picture,  
forty years since, ever when I was vexed,  
To look upon that: what was his meaning in't,  
I know not, but methinks upon the sudden,  
It has furnished me with mischief such a plot,  
As never mother dreamed of Here begins  
My part i'th' play: my son's estate is sunk,  
By loss at sea and he has nothing left,  
But the Land his father left him. I is concluded,  
The Law shall undo him Come hither,  
I have a weighty secret to impart,  
But I would have thee first confirm to me,  
How I may trust, that thou canst keep my counsel,  
Beyond death.  Win. 
Why Mistress, 'tis your only way,  
To enjoin me first that I reveal to you  
The worst act I ere did in all my life:  
So one secret shall bind one another.  Leo. 
Thou instru'st me  
Most ingenuously, for indeed it is not fit,  
Where any act is plotted, that is nought,  
Any of counsel to it should be good,  
And in a thousand ills have happed i'th' world,  
The intelligence of one another's shame,  
Have wrought far more effectually than the tie  
Of Conscience, or Religion.  Win. 
But think not, Mistress,  
That any sin which ever I committed,  
Did concern you, for proving false in one thing,  
You were a fool, if ever you would trust me  
In the least matter of weight.  Leo 
Thou hast lived with me  
Those forty years; we have grown old together,  
As many Ladies and their women do,  
With talking nothing, and with doing less:  
We have spent our life in that which least concerns life,  
Only in putting on our clothes: and now I think on't,  
I have been a very courtly Mistress to thee, (time,  
I have given thee good words, but no deeds, now's the  
To requite all; my son has six Lordships left him.  Win. 
'tis truth.  Leo. 
But he cannot live four days to enjoy them.  Win. 
Have you poisoned him?  Leo. 
No, the poison is yet but brewing.  Win. 
You must minister it to him with all privacy.  Leo. 
Privacy? It shall be given him  
In open Court, I'll make him swallow it  
Before the judge's face: if he be Master  
Of poor ten arpines of land forty hours longer,  
Let the world repute me an honest woman.  Win. 
So 'twill I hope.  Leo. 
Oh thou canst not conceive  
My unimitable plot; let's to my ghostly Father,  
Were first I will have thee make a promise  
To keep my counsel, and then I will employ thee  
In such a subtle combination,  
Which will require to make the practice fit,  
four Devils, five Advocates to a woman's wit.  Extunt. 
Explicit Acts Tertij.   

ACTVS QVARTVS, SCENA PRIMA.  Enter Leoonora, Sanitonella at one door, Winifrid, Register: at the other Ariosto San. 
Take her into your Office sir, she has that in her  
Belly, will dry up your ink I can tell you.  
This is the man that is your learned Council,  
A fellow that will troll it off with tongue:  
He never goes without Restorative powder  
Of the lungs of Fox in's pocket, and maligo Reasons  
To make him long winded. Sir, this Gentlewoman  
entreats your Counsel in an honest cause,  
Which please you sir, this Brief, my own poor labour  
Will give you light of.  Ario. 
Do you call this a Brief?  
Here's as I weigh them, some fourscore sheets of paper.  
What would they weigh if there were cheese  
Wrapped in them, or Figdates.  San. 
joy come to you, you are merry;  
We call this but a Brief in our Office.  
The scope of the business lies i'th' Margin sheet.  Ario. 
methinks you prate too much.  
I never could endure an honest cause  
With a long Prologue to't.  Leon 
You trouble him.  Ar. 
What's here? oh strange; I have lived this 60 years,  
Yet in all my practice never did shake hands  
With a cause so odious. Sirrah, are you her knave?  San. 
No sir, I am a clerk.  Ari. 
Why you whoreson fogging Rascal,  
Are there not whores enough for Presentations,  
Of Overseers, wrong the will o'th' Dead,  
Oppressions of widows, or young Orphans,  
Wicked Diverses, or your vicious cause  
Of Plus quam satis, to content a woman,  
But you must find new stratagems, new pursuits,  
Oh women, as the Ballet lives to tell you,  
What will you shortly come to?  San. 
Your Fee is ready sir.  Ari. 
The Devil take such Fees,  
And all such Suits i'th' tail of thee; see the slave  
Has writ false Latin: sirrah Ignorance,  
Were you ever at the University?  San 
Never sir:  
It is well known to diverse I have Commenced  
In a pew of our Office.  Ari. 
Where, in a Pew of your Office?  San 
I have been dry-foundered with't this four years,  
Seldom found Non resident from my desk.  Ari. 
Non resident Subsumner:  
I'll tear your Libel for abusing that word,  
By virtue of the Clergy.  San. 
What do you mean sir?  
It cost me four night's labour.  Ario. 
Hadst thou been drunk so long,  
T''dst done our Court better Service.  Leo 
Sir, you do forget your gravity, methinks.  Ario. 
Cry ye mercy, do I so?  
And as I take it, you do very little remember,  
Either womanhood, or christianity: why do ye meddle  
With that seducing knave, that's good for nought,  
Unless 'the to fill the Office full of Fleas,  
Or a Winter itch, wears that spacious inkhorn  
All a Vacation only to cure Tetters,  
And his Penknife to weed Corns from the splay toes,  
Of the right worshipful of the Office.  Leo. 
You make bold with me sir.  Ario. 
Woman, you're mad, I'll swear't, & have more need  
Of a Physician than a Lawyer.  
The melancholy humour flows in your face,  
Your painting cannot hide it: such wildsuits  
Disgrace our Courts, and these make honest Lawyers  
Stop their own ears, whilst they plead & that's the reason  
Your younger men that have good conscience,  
wear such large Nightcaps; go old woman, go pray,  
For Lunacy, or else the Devil himself  
Has ta'en possession of thee; may like cause  
In any Christian Court never find name:  
Bad Suits, and not the Law, bred the law's shame.  Exit Leon. 
Sure the old man's frantic.  San. 
Plague on's gouty fingers,  
Were all of his mind, to entertain no suits,  
But such they thought were hottest, sure our Lawyers  
Would not purchase half so fast:  
But here's the man,  Enter Contilupo a spruce Lawyer. 
Learned signior Contilupo, here's a fellow  
Of another piece believe't, I must make shift  
With the foul Copy.  Con. 
Business to me?  San. 
To you sir, from this Lady.  Con. 
She is welcome.  San. 
'tis a foul Copy sir, you'll hardly read it,  
There's twenty double ducats, can you read sir?  Con. 
Exceeding well, very, very exceeding well.  San. 
This man will be saved, he can read; Lord, Lord,  
To see, what money can do, be the hand never so foul,  
Somewhat will be picked out on't.  Con. 
Is not this Vivere honest?  San. 
No, that's struck out sir;  
And wherever you find vivere honest in these papers,  
Give it a dash sir.  Con. 
I shall be mindful of it:  
In troth you write a pretty Secretary,  
Your Secretary hand ever takes best in mine opinion.  San. 
Sir, I have been in France,  
And there believe't your Court hand generally,  
Takes beyond thought.  Con. 
even as a man is traded in't.  Sa. 
That I could not think of this virtuous Gentleman  
Before I went toth' tother hog-rubber.  
Why this was wont to give young Clerks half fees,  
To help him to Clients. Your opinion in the Case sir.  Con. 
I am struck with wonder almost ecstasied,  
With this most goodly Suit.  Leon. 
It is the fruit of a most hearty penitence.  Con. 
'tis a Case shall leave a precedent to all the world,  
In our succeeding Annals, and deserves  
Rather a spacious public Theater,  
Than a pent Court for audience; it shall teach  
All Ladies the right path to rectify their issue.  San. 
lo you, here's a man of comfort.  Con. 
And you shall go unto a peaceful grave,  
Discharged of such a guilt, as would have lain  
Howling for ever at your wounded heart,  
And rose with you to judgement. (of judgement.  San. 
Oh give me such a Lawyer, as will think of the day  Leo. 
You must urge the business against him  
As spitefully as may be.  Con. 
Doubt not. What is he summoned?  San. 
Yes, & the Court will sit within this half hour.  
Peruse your Notes, you have very short warning.  Con. 
Never fear you that:  
Follow me worthy Lady, and make account  
This Suit is ended already.  Exeunt. Enter Officers preparing seats for the judges, to them Ercole muffled. 1. Of. 
You would have a private seat sir.  Erc. 
Yes sir.  2 Of. 
Here's a Closet belongs toth' Court,  
Where you may hear all unseen.  Enter Contarino, the Surgeons disguised. Er. 
I thank you; there's money.  2 Of. 
I give you your thanks again sir.  Cont. 
Is't possible Romelio's persuaded,  
You are gone to the East Indies.  1. Sur. 
Most confidently.  Con. 
But do you mean to go?  2. Su. 
How? go to the East Indies?  
And so many Hollanders gone to fetch sauce for their pickled Herrings; some have been peppered there too lately, but I pray, being thus well recovered of your wounds,  
Why do you not reveal yourself?  Con. 
That my fair jolenta should be rumoured  
To be with child by noble Ercole,  
Makes me expect to what a violent issue  
These passages will come. I hear her brother  
Is marrying the Infant she goes with, 'fore it be borne,  
As if it be a Daughter,  
To the Duke of Austria's Nephew; if a Son,  
Into the Noble ancient Family  
Of the Palavasini: he's a subtle Devil.  
And I do wonder what strange Suit in Law,  
Has happed between him and's mother.  1. Sur. 
'tis whispered 'mong the Lawyers,  
'Twill undo him for ever.  Enter Sanit. Win. San. 
Do you hear Officers?  
You must take special care, that you let in  
No Brachigraphy men, to take notes.  1. Of. 
No sir?  San. 
By no means,  
We cannot have a Cause of any fame,  
But you must have scurvy pamphlets, and lewd Ballets  
Engendered of it presently.  San. 
Have you broke fast yet?  Win. 
Not I sir.  San. 
'Twas very ill done of you:  
For this cause will be long a pleading; but not matter,  
I have a modicum in my Buckram bag,  
To stop your stomach.  Win. 
What is't? Greene ginger?  San. 
Greene ginger, nor Pellitory of Spain neither,  
Yet 'twill stop a hollow tooth better than either of them.  Win. 
Pray what is't?  San. 
Look you,  
It is a very lovely Pudding-pie,  
Which we Clerks find great relief in.  Win. 
I shall have no stomach.  San. 
No matter and you have not, I may pleasure  
Some of our Learned Council with't; I have done it  
Many a time and often, when a Cause  
Has proved like an aftergame at Irish.  Enter Crispiano like a judge, with another judge, Contilupo, and another Lawyer at one Bar, Romelio, Ariosto, at another, Leonora with a black veil her, and julio. Crisp. 
'tis a strange Suit, is Leonora come.  Conti. 
She's here my Lord; make way there for the Lady.  Crisp. 
Take off her Veil: it seems she is ashamed  
To look her cause i'th' face.  Contil. 
she's sick, my Lord.  Ari. 
she's mad my Lord, & would be kept more dark.  
By your favour sir, I have now occasion to be at your elbow, and within this half hour shall entreat you to be angry, very angry.  Crisp. 
Is Romelio come?  Rom 
I am here my Lord, and called I do protest,  
To answer what I know not, for as yet  
I am wholly ignorant, of what the Court  
Will charge me with.  Crisp. 
I assure you, the proceeding  
Is most unequal then, for I perceive,  
The Council of the adverse party furnished  
With full Instruction.  Rom. 
Pray my Lord, who is my accuser?  Crisp. 
'tis your mother.  Rom. 
She has discovered Contarino's murder:  
If she prove so unnatural, to call  
My life in question, I am armed to suffer  
This to end all my losses.  Crisp. 
Sir, we will do you this favour,  
You shall hear the Accusation,  
Which being known, we will adjourn the Court,  
Till a fortnight hence, you may provide your Counsel.  Ario. 
I advise you, take their proffer,  
Or else the Lunacy runs in a blood,  
You are more mad than she.  Rom. 
What are you sir?  Ario. 
An angry fellow that would do thee good,  
For goodness sake itself, I do protest,  
Neither for love nor money.  Rom. 
Prithee stand further, I shall gall your gout else.  Ar. 
Come, come, I know you for an East Indy Merchant,  
You have a spice of pride in you still.  Rom. 
My Lord, I am so strengthened in my innocence,  
For any the least shadow of a crime,  
Committed 'gainst my mother, or the world,  
That she can charge me with, here do I make it  
My humble suit, only this hour and place,  
May give it as full hearing, and as free,  
And unrestrained a Sentence.  Cri. 
Be not too confident you have cause to fear.  Rom. 
Let fear dwell with Earthquakes,  
Shipwracks at Sea, or Prodigies in heaven,  
I cannot set myself so many fathom  
Beneath the height of my true heart, as fear.  Ari. 
Very fine words I assure you, if they were to any  Cri. 
Well, have your entreaty: (purpose,  
And if your own credulity undo you,  
Blame not the Court hereafter: fall to your Plea.  Con. 
May it please your Lordsh. & the reverend Court,  
To give me leave to open to you a Case  
So rare, so altogether void of precedent,  
That I do challenge all the spacious Volumes,  
Of the whole Civil Law to show the like.  
We are of Council for this Gentlewoman,  
We have received our Fee, yet the whole course  
Of what we are to speak, is quite against her,  
Yet we'll deserve our fee too. There stands one,  
Romelio the Merchant; I will name him to you,  
Without either title or addition:  
For those false beams of his supposed honour,  
As void of true heat, as are all painted fires,  
Or Glowworms in the dark, suit him all basely,  
As if he had bought his Gentry from the Herald,  
With money got by extortion: I will first  
Produce this Aesop's Crow, as he stands forfeit,  
For the long use of his gay borrowed plumes,  
And then let him hop naked: I come toth' point,  
T'as been a Dream in Naples, very near  
This eight and thirty years, that this Romelio,  
Was nobly descended, he has ranked himself  
With the Nobility, shamefully usurped  
Their place, and in a kind of saucy pride,  
Which like to Mushrooms, ever grow most rank,  
When they do spring from dunghills, sought to o'ersway,  
The Fliski, the Grimaldi, Dori,  
And all the ancient pillars of our State;  
View now what he is come to: this poor thing  
Without a name, this Cuckoo hatched i'th' nest  
Of a Hedge-sparrow.  Rom 
Speaks he all this to me?  Ari. 
Only to you sir.  Rom. 
I do not ask thee, prithee hold thy prating.  Ari. 
Why very good, you will be presently  
As angry as I could wish.  Contil 
What title shall I set to this base coin;  
He has no name, and for's aspect he seems,  
A Giant in a May-game, that within  
Is nothing but a Porter's I'll undertake,  
He had as good have travelled all his life  
With Gypsies: I will sell him to any man  
For an hundred chequins, and he that buys him of me,  
Shall lose byth' hand too.  Ari. 
lo, what you are come too:  
You that did scorn to trade in any thing;  
But Gold or Spices, or your cochineal,  
He rates you now at poor john.  Rom. 
Out upon thee, I would thou wert of his side,  Ari. 
Would you so?  Rom. 
The devil and thee together on each hand,  
To prompt the lawyer's memory when he founders.  Cris 
Signior Contilupo, the Court holds it fit,  
You leave this stale declaiming 'gainst the person,  
And come to the matter.  Cont. 
Now I shall my Lord.  Cris. 
It shows a poor malicious eloquence,  
And it is strange, men of your gravity  
Will not forgo it: verily, I presume,  
If you but heard yourself speaking with my ears,  
Your phrase would be more modest.  Contil. 
Good my Lord, be assured,  
I will leave all circumstance, and come tooth purpose:  
This Romelio is a Bastard.  Rom. 
How, a Bastard? Oh mother,  
Now the day begins grow hot on your side.  Contil. 
Why she is your accuser.  Rom. 
I had forgot that; was my father married to any other woman, at the time of my begetting?  Contil. 
That's not the business.  Rom. 
I turn me then to you that were my mother,  
But by what name I am to call you now,  
You must instruct me: were you ever married  
To my father?  Leon. 
To my shame I speak it, never.  Crisp. 
Not to Franscisco Romelio?  Leo. 
May it please your Lordships,  
To him I was, but he was not his father.  Cont. 
Good my Lord, give us leave in a few words,  
To expound the Riddle, and to make it plain,  
Without the least of scruple: for I take it,  
There cannot be more lawful proof i'th' world,  
Than the oath of the mother.  Cris. 
Well then, to your proofs, and be not tedious.  Contil. 
I'll conclude in a word:  
Some nine and thirty years since, which was the time,  
This woman was married, Francisco Romelio,  
This Gentleman's putative father, and her husband  
Being not married to her past a fortnight,  
Would needs go travel; did so, and continued  
In France and the Low-Countries eleven months:  
Take special note o'th' time, I beseech your Lordship,  
For it makes much toth' business: in his absence  
He left behind to sojourn at his house  
A Spanish Gentleman, a fine spruce youth  
By the Lady's confession, and you may be sure  
He was no Eunuch neither; he was one  
Romelio loved very dearly, as oft haps,  
No man alive more welcome to the husband  
Than he that makes him Cuckold.  
This Gentleman I say,  
Breaking all Laws of Hospitality,  
Got his friend's wife with child, a full two months  
Fore the husband returned.  San. 
Good sir, forget not the Lambskin.  Contil. 
I warrant thee.  Sa. 
I will pinch by the buttock, to put you in mind of't.  Contil. 
Prithee hold thy prating.  
What's to be practised now my Lord? Marry this,  
Romelio being a young novice, not acquainted  
With this precedence, very innocently  
Returning home from travel, finds his wife  
Grown an excellent good housewife, for she had set  
Her women to spin Flax, and to that use,  
Had in a study which was built of stone,  
Stored up at least an hundreth weight of flax:  
Marry such a thread as was to be spun from the flax,  
I think the like was never heard of.  Crisp. 
What was that?  Contil. 
You may be certain, she would lose no time,  
In bragging that her Husband had got up  
Her belly: to be short, at seven months' end,  
Which was the time of her delivery,  
And when she felt herself to fall in travel,  
She makes her Waiting woman, as by mischance,  
Set fire to the flax, the flight whereof,  
As they pretend, causes this Gentlewoman  
To fall in pain, and be delivered  
Eight weeks afore her reckoning.  San. 
Now sir, remember the lambskin.  Con. 
The Midwife straight howls out, there was no hope  
Of th'infant's life, swaddles it in a stead lambskin,  
As a Bird hatched too early, makes it up  
With three quarters of a face, that made it look  
Like a Changeling, cries out to Romelio,  
To have it Christened, lest it should depart  
Without that it came for: and thus are many served,  
That take care to get Gossips for those children,  
To which they might be Godfathers themselves,  
And yet be no arch-Puritans neither.  Crisp. 
No more.  Ar. 
Pray my Lord give him way, you spoil his oratory else: thus would they jest were they feed, to open their sister's cases.  Crisp. 
You have urged enough;  
You first affirm, her husband was away from her  
Eleven months.  Contil. 
Yes my Lord.  Crisp. 
And at seven months' end,  
After his return she was delivered  
Of this Romelio, and had gone her full time.  Contil. 
True my Lord.  Crisp. 
So by this account this Gentleman was begot,  
In his supposed father's absence.  Contil. 
You have it fully.  Crisp. 
A most strange Suit this, 'tis beyond example,  
Either time past, or present; for a woman,  
To publish her own dishonour voluntarily,  
Without being called in question, some forty years  
After the sin committed, and her Council  
To enlarge the offence with as much Oratory,  
As ever I did hear them in my life,  
Defend a guilty woman; 'tis most strange:  
Or why with such a poisoned violence  
Should she labour her son's undoing: we observe  
Obedience of creatures to the Law of Nature,  
Is the stay of the whole world; here that Law is broke,  
For though our Civil Law makes difference  
'tween the base, and the legitimate; compassionate Nature  
Makes them equal, nay, she many times prefers them.  
I pray resolve me sir, have not you and your mother  
Had some Suit in Law together lately?  Rom. 
None my Lord.  Cris. 
No? no contention about parting your goods?  Rom. 
Not any.  Cris. 
No flaw, no unkindness?  Rom. 
None that ever arrived at my knowledge.  Cris. 
Bethink yourself, this cannot choose but savour  
Of a woman's malice deeply; and I fear,  
You're practised upon most devilishly.  
How happed Gentlewoman, you revealed this no sooner?  Leo. 
While my husband lived, my Lord, I durst not.  Cris. 
I should rather ask you, why you reveal it now?  Leo 
Because my Lord, I loathed that such a sin  
Should lie smothered with me in my grave; my penitence,  
Though to my shame, prefers the revealing of it  
'bove worldly reputation.  Cris. 
Your penitence?  
Might not your penitence have been as hearty,  
Though it had never summoned to the Court  
Such a conflux of people.  Leon. 
Indeed I might have confessed it,  
Privately tooth Church, I grant; but you know repentance  
Is nothing without satisfaction.  Crisp. 
Satisfaction? why your Husband's dead,  
What satisfaction can you make him?  Leo 
The greatest satisfaction in the world, my Lord,  
To restore the land tooth right heir, & that's my daughter.  Crisp. 
Oh she's straight begot then.  Ario 
Very well, may it please this honourable Court,  
If he be a bastard, and must forfeit his land for't,  
She has proved herself a strumpet, and must lose  
Her Dower, let them go a-begging together.  San. 
Who shall pay us our Fees then?  Cris. 
Most just.  Ario 
You may see now what an old house  
You are like to pull over your head, Dame.  Rom. 
Could I conceive this Publication  
Grew from a hearty penitence, I could bear  
My undoing the more patiently; but my Lord,  
There is no reason, as you said even now,  
To satisfy me: but this suit of hers  
Springs from a devilish malice, and liar pretence,  
Of a grieved Conscience, and Religion,  
Like to the horrid Powder-Treason in England,  
Has a most bloody unnatural revenge  
Hid under it: Oh the violences of women!  
Why they are creatures made up and compounded  
Of all monsters, poisoned minerals,  
And sorcerous Herbs that grows.  Ario. 
Are you angry yet?  Rom. 
Would men express a bad one,  
Let him forsake all natural example,  
And compare one to another; they have no more mercy,  
Then ruinous fires in great tempests.  Ario. 
Take heed you do not crack your voice sir.  Rom. 
Hard hearted creatures good for nothing else,  
But to wind dead bodies.  Ari. 
Yes, to weave seeming lace with the bones of their  
Husbands that were long since buried, and curse them when they tangle.  Rom. 
Yet why do I  
Take Bastardy so distastefully, when i'th' world,  
A many things that are essential parts  
Of greatness, are but by-slips, and are fathered  
On the wrong parties.  
Preferment in the world a many times,  
Basely begotten: nay, I have observed  
The immaculate justice of a poor man's cause,  
In such a Court as this, has not known whom  
To call Father, which way to direct itself  
For Compassion: but I forget my temper,  
Only that I may stop that lawyer's throat,  
I do beseech the Court, and the whole world,  
They will not think the baselier of me,  
For the vice of a mother: for that woman's sin,  
To which you all dare swear when it was done,  
I would not give my consent.  Cris. 
Stay, here's an Accusation,  
But here's no proof; what was the Spanyards name  
You accuse of adultery?  Con. 
Don Crispiano, my Lord.  Crisp. 
What part of Spain was he borne in?  Contil. 
In Castille.  Jul. 
This may prove my father.  San. 
And my Master, my client's spoiled then.  Cris. 
I knew that Spaniard well: if you be a Bastard,  
Such a man being your father, I dare vouch you  
A Gentleman, and in that signior Contilupo,  
Your Oratory went a little too far.  
When do we name Don john of Austria,  
The emperor's son, but with reverence:  
And I have known in diverse Families,  
The Bastards the greater spirits; but toth' purpose,  
What time was this Gentleman begot?  
And be sure you lay your time right.  Ario. 
Now the mettle comes to the Touchstone.  Contil. 
In Anno seventy one, my Lord.  Crisp 
Very well, seventy one:  
The Battle of Lepanto was fought in't,  
A most remarkable time, 'twill lie for no man's pleasure:  
And what proof is there more than the affirmation of the  
Mother, of this corporal dealing?  Contil. 
The deposition of a Waiting-woman served her the same time.  Crisp. 
Where is she?  Con. 
Where is our Solicitor with the waiting-woman?  Ario. 
Room for the bag and baggage.  San. 
Here my Lord, Oretenus.  Crisp. 
And what can you say Gentlewoman?  Win. 
Please your Lordship, I was the party that dealt  
In the business and brought them together.  Crisp. 
Well.  Win 
And conveyed letters between them. (house?  Cr. 
What needed letters, when 'tis said he lodged in her  Win. 
A running Ballad now and then to her Viol,  
For he was never well, but when he was fiddling.  Crisp. 
Speak to the purpose, did you ever know them bed together?  Win. 
No my Lord,  
But I have brought him to the bed side.  Crisp. 
That was somewhat near to the business;  
And what, did you help him off with his shoes?  Win. 
He wore no shoes, an't please you my Lord.  Cris. 
No? what then, Pumps?  Win. 
Neither.  Crisp. 
Boots were not fit for his journey.  Win. 
He wore Tennis-court woollen slippers,  
For fear of creaking sir, and making a noise,  
To wake the rest o'th' house.  Crisp. 
Well, and what did he there,  
In his Tennis-court woollen slippers?  Win. 
Please your Lordship, question me in Latin,  
For the cause is very foul; the Examiner o'th' Court  
Was fain to get it out of me alone i'th' Countinghouse,  
'cause he would not spoil the youth o'th' Office.  Ari. 
Here's a Latin spoon, and a long one,  
To feed with the Devil.  Win. 
I'd be loath to be ignorant that way,  
For I hope to marry a Proctor, & take my pleasure abroad  
At the Commencements with him.  Ario. 
Come closer to the business.  Win. 
I will come as close as modesty will give me leave.  
Truth is, every morning when he lay with her,  
I made a Caudle for him, by the appointment  
Of my Mistress, which he would still refuse,  
And call for small drink.  Crisp. 
Small drink?  Ario. 
For a Julip.  Win. 
And said he was wondrous thirsty.  Crisp. 
What's this to the purpose?  Win. 
Most effectual, my Lord.  
I have heard them laugh together extremely,  
And the Curtain rods fall from the tester of the bed,  
And he ne'er came from her, but he thrust money in my  
hand; and once in truth, he would have had some dealing  
with me, which I took; he thought 'twould be the only  
way i'th' world to make me keep counsel the better.  San. 
That's a stinger, 'tis a good wench, be not daunted.  Cri. 
Did you ever find the print of two in the bed?  Win. 
What a question's that to be asked, may it please your  
Lordsh. 'tis to be thought he lay nearer to her then so.  Crisp. 
What age are you of Gentlewoman?  Win. 
About six and forty, my Lord.  Crisp. 
Anno seventy one,  
And Romelio is thirty eight: by that reckoning,  
You were a Bawd at eight year old: now verily,  
You fell to the Trade betimes.  San. 
There you're from the Bias.  Win. 
I do not know my age directly; sure I am elder,  
I can remember two great frosts, and three great plagues,  
And the loss of Callis, and the first coming up  
Of the Breeches with the great Codpiece,  
And I pray what age do you take me of then?  San. 
Well come off again.  Ari. 
An old hunted Hare, she has all her doubles.  Rom. 
For your own gravities,  
And the reverence of the Court, I do beseech you,  
Rip up the cause no further, but proceed to Sentence.  Crisp. 
One question more and I have done:  
Might not this Crispiano, this Spaniard,  
Lie with your Mistress at some other time,  
Either afore or after, then i'th' absence of her husband?  Leo. 
Never.  Cris. 
Are you certain of that?  Leo. 
On my soul, never.  Cris. 
That's well he never lay with her,  
But in anno seventy one, let that be remembered.  
Stand you aside a while. Mistress, the truth is,  
I knew this Crispiano, lived in Naples  
At the same time, and loved the Gentleman  
As my bosom friend; and as I do remember,  
The Gentleman did leave his Picture with you,  
If age or neglect have not in so long time ruined it.  Leo. 
I preserve it still my Lord.  Cris. 
I pray let me see't, let me see the face  
I then loved so much to look on.  Leo. 
Fetch it.  Win 
I shall, my Lord.  Cris. 
No, no, Gentlewoman,  
I have other business for you.  1. Sur. 
Now were the time to cut Romelio's throat,  
And accuse him for your murder.  Contar. 
By no means.  2. Sur. 
Will you not let us be men of fashion,  
And down with him now he's going?  Centar. 
Peace let's attend the sequel.  Cris 
I commend you Lady,  
There was a main matter of Conscience,  
How many ills spring from Adultery!  
First, the supreme Law that is violated,  
Nobility oft stained with bastardy,  
Inheritance of Land falsely possessed,  
The husband! corned, wife shamed, and babes unblessed,  
So, hang it up i'th' Court; you have heard,  The Picture. 
What has been urged 'gainst Romelio.  
Now my definitive sentence in this cause,  
Is, I will give no sentence at all.  Ario. 
No?  Cris. 
No, I cannot, for I am made a party.  San. 
How a party? here are fine cross tricks,  
What the devil will he do now?  Crisp. 
Signior Ariosto, his Majesty of Spain,  
Confers my Place upon you by this Patent,  
Which till this urgent hour I have kept  
From your knowledge: may you thrive in't, noble sir,  
And do that which but few in our place do,  
Go to their grave uncurst.  Ario. 
This Law business  
Will leave me so small leisure to serve God,  
I shall serve the King the worse.  San 
Is he a judge?  
We must then look for all Conscience, and no Law,  
he'll beggar all his followers.  Cris. 
Sir, I am of your Counsel, for the cause in hand  
Was begun at such a time, 'fore you could speak;  
You had need therefore have one speak for you.  Ario. 
Stay, I do here first make protestation,  
I ne'er took fee of this Romelio,  
For being of his Council, which may free me,  
Being now his judge, for the imputation  
Of taking a Bribe. Now sir, speak your mind.  Crisp. 
I do first entreat, that the eyes of all here present,  
May be sixth upon this  Leo. 
Oh, I am confounded. this is Crispiano.  jul 
This is my father, how the judges have bleated him.  Win. 
You may see truth will out in spite of the Devil.  Cris. 
Behold, I am the shadow of this shadow,  
Age has made me so; take from me forty years,  
And I was such a Summer fruit as this,  
At least the Painter feigned so: for indeed,  
Painting and Epitaphs are both alike,  
They flatter us, and say we have been thus:  
But I am the party here, that stands accused,  
For Adultery with this woman, in the year  
seventy one: now I call you my Lord to witness,  
four years before that time, I went toth' Indies,  
And till this month, did never set my foot since  
In Europe; and for any former incontinence,  
She has vowed there was never any: what remains then,  
But this is a mere practice 'gainst her son,  
And I beseech the Court it may be sifted,  
And most severely punished.  San 
Uds foot, we are spoiled,  
Why my client's proved an honest woman.  Win. 
What do you think will become of me now?  San. 
You'll be made dance lachrima I fear at a cart's  Ari. 
You Mistress, where are you now? (tail.  
Your Tennis court slips, and your ta'e drink  
In a morning for your hot liver; where's the man,  
Would have had some dealing with you, that you might  
Keep counsel the better.  Win. 
May it please the Court, I am but a young thing,  
And was drawn arsy-varsy into the business.  Ario. 
How young? of five and forty?  Win. 
Five and forty, and shall please you!  
I am not five and twenty:  
She made me colour my hair with Bean-flower,  
To seem older than I was; and than my rotten teeth,  
With eating sweetmeats: why, should a Farrier  
Look in my mouth, he might mistake my age.  
Oh Mistress, Mistress, you are an honest woman,  
And you may be ashamed on't, to abuse the Court thus.  Leo. 
Whatsoever I have attempted,  
'gainst my own fame, or the reputation  
Of that Gentleman my son, the Lord Contarino  
Was cause of it.  Conta. 
Who I?  Ario. 
He that should have married your daughter?  
It was a plot belike then to confer  
The land on her that should have been his wife.  Leo. 
More than I have said already, all the world  
Shall ne'er extract from me; I entreat from both,  
Your equal pardons.  Iul. 
And I from you sir.  Crisp. 
Sirrah, stand you aside,  
I will talk with you hereafter.  Iul. 
I could never away with after reckonings.  Leo. 
And now my Lords, I do most voluntarily  
Confine myself unto a stricter prison,  
And a severer penance, than this Court can impose,  
I am entered into Religion.  Con. 
I the cause of this practice; this ungodly woman,  
Has sold herself to falsehood: I will now reveal myself.  Erco. 
Stay my Lord here's a window  
To let in more light to the Court.  Cont. 
Mercy upon me! oh, that thou art living  
Is mercy indeed!  1. Sur. 
Stay, keep in your shell a little longer?  Erco. 
I am Ercole.  Ario. 
A guard upon him for the death of Contarino.  Erco. 
I obey the arrest o'th' Court.  Rom 
Oh sir, you are happily restored to life,  
And to us your friends.  Erco. 
Away, thou art the Traitor:  
I only live to challenge this former suit,  
Touched but thy fame, this accusation  
Reaches to thy fame and life: the brave Contarino  
Is generally supposed slain by this hand.  Con. 
How knows he the contrary?  Erc. 
But truth is,  
Having received from me some certain wounds,  
Which were not mortal, this vild murderer,  
Being by Will deputed Overseer  
Of the Nobleman's Estate, to his sister's use,  
That he might make him sure from surviving,  
To revoke that Will, stole to him in's bed, and killed him.  Rom. 
Strange, unheard of, more practice yet!  Ari. 
What proof of this?  Erco. 
The report of his mother delivered to me,  
In distraction for Contarino's death.  Con. 
For my death? I begin to apprehend,  
That the violence of this woman's love to me,  
Might practise the disinheriting of her son.  Ario. 
What say you to this Leonora?  Leo. 
Such a thing I did utter out of my distraction:  
But how the Court will censure that report,  
I leave to their wisdoms.  Ario. 
My opinion is,  
That this late slander urged against her son,  
Takes from her all manner of credit:  
She that would not stick to deprive him of his living,  
Will as little tender his life.  Leo. 
I beseech the Court,  
I may retire myself to my place of penance,  
I have vowed myself and my woman.  Ario. 
Go when you please: what should move you  
Be thus forward in the accusation?  Erco. 
My love to Contarino.  Ari. 
Oh, it bore very bitter fruit at your last meeting.  Erco. 
'tis true: but I begun to love him,  
When I had most cause to hate him, when our bloods  
Embraced each other, than I pitied,  
That so much valour should be hazarded  
On the fortune of a single Rapier,  
And not spent against the Turk.  Ario. 
Stay sir, be well advised,  
There is no testimony but your own,  
To approve you slew him, therefore no other way  
To decide it, but by Duel.  Con. 
Yes my Lord, I dare affirm 'gainst all the world,  
This Noble man speaks truth.  Ari. 
You will make yourself a party in the Duel.  Rom. 
Let him, I will fight with them both, sixteen of them.  Erco. 
Sir, I do not know you.  Cont 
Yes but you have forgot me, you and I have sweat  
In the Breach together at Malta.  Erco. 
Cry you mercy, I have known of your Nation  
Brave Soldiers.  julio 
Now if my father  
Have any true spirit in him, I'll recover  
His good opinion Do you hear? do not swear sir,  
For I dare swear, that you will swear a lie,  
A very filthy, stinking. rotten lie:  
And if the Lawyers think not this sufficient,  
I'll give the lie in the stomach,  
That's somewhat deeper than the throat;  
Both here, and all France over and over,  
From Marseilles, or Bayon, to Callis Sands,  
And there draw my Sword upon thee,  
And new scour it in the gravel of thy kidneys.  Ari 
You the Defendant charged with the murder,  
And you Second there,  
Must be committed to the custody  
Of the knight-marshal; and the Court gives charge,  
They be tomorrow ready in the Lists  
Before the Sun be risen.  Rom. 
I do entreat the Court, there be a guard  
Placed o'er my Sister, that she enter not  
Into Religion: she's rich my Lords,  
And the persuasions of Friars, to gain  
All her possessions to their Monasteries,  
May do much upon her.  Ario. 
we'll take order for her.  Crisp 
There's a Nun too you have got with child,  
How will you dispose of her?  Rom. 
You question me, as if I were graved already,  
When I have quenched this wildfire  
In Ercole's tame blood, I'll tell you.  Exit. Erco. 
You have judged today  
A most confused practice, that takes end  
In as bloody a trial, and we may observe  
By these great persons, and their indirect  
Proceedings, shadowed in a veil of State.  
mountains are deformed heaps, swelled up alofts  
Vales wholesomer, though lower, and trod on oft.  San. 
Well, I will pu up my papers,  
And send them to France for a precedent,  
That they may not say yet, but for one strange  
Law suit, we come somewhat near them.  Exeunt. 
Explicit Acti quarti.   

ACTVS QVINTUS, SCENA PRIMA.  Enter jolenta, and Angiolella great bellied. Iolen. 
How dost thou friend? welcome, thou and I.  
Were playfellows together, little children,  
So small awhile ago, that I presume,  
We are neither of us wise yet.  Angi. 
A most sad truth on my part.  Iolen. 
Why do you pluck your veil  
Over your face?  Angio. 
If you will believe truth,  
There's nought more terrible to a guilty heart,  
As the eye of a respected friend.  Iol. 
Say friend, are you quick with child?  Angi 
Too sure.  Iol. 
How could you know  
Of your first child when you quickened?  Angio. 
How could you know friend?  
'tis reported you are in the same taking.  Iolen. 
Ha, ha, ha, so 'tis given out:  
But Ercole's coming to life again, has shrunk,  
And made invisible my great belly; ves faith,  
My being with child was merely in supposition,  
Not practise.  Angio. 
You are happy, what would I give,  
To be a Maid again?  jolen 
Would you, to what purpose?  
I would never give great purchase for that thing  
Is in danger every hour to be lost: pray thee laugh.  
A Boy or a Girl for a wager?  Angio. 
What heaven please.  Jolen. 
Nay, nay, will you venture  
A chain of Pearl with me whether?  Angio. 
I'll lay nothing,  
I have ventured too much for't already, my fame.  
I make no question sister, you have heard  
Of the intended combat.  Iolen. 
O what else?  
I have a sweet heart in't, against a brother.  Angio. 
And I a dead friend, I fear; what good counsel  
Can you minister unto me?  Iolen. 
Faith only this,  
Since there's no means i'th' world to hinder it,  
Let thou and I wench get as far as we can  
From the noise of it.  Angio. 
Whither?  Iolen. 
No matter, any whither.  Angio. 
Any whither, so you go not by sea:  
I cannot abide rough water.  jolen 
Not endure to be tumbled? say no more then,  
we'll be land-Souldiers for that trick: take heart,  
Thy boy shall be borne a brave Roman.  Angio. 
O you mean to go to Rome then.  Iol. 
Within there. Bear this Letter  Enter a servant 
To the Lord Ercole. Now wench, I am for thee  
All the world over.  Angio. 
I like your shade pursue you.  Exeunt. Enter Prospero, and Sanitonella. Pros. 
Well, I do not think but to see you as pretty a  
piece of Law-flesh.  San. 
In time I may,  
Marry I am resolved to take a new way for't.  
You have Lawyers take their Clients fees, & their backs are no sooner turned, but they call them fools, and laugh at them.  Prosp. 
That's ill done of them.  San. 
There's one thing too that has a vild abuse in't.  Pro. 
What's that?  San. 
Marry this,  
That no Proctor in the Term time be tolerated to go to the Tavern above six times i'th' forenoon.  Pros. 
Why man?  San. 
Oh sir, it makes their Clients overtaken,  
And become friends sooner than they would be.  Enter Ercole with a letter, and Contarino coming in friar's habits, as having been at the Bathanites, a Ceremony used afore these Combats. Erco. 
Leave the Room, Gentlemen.  Con. 
Wherefore should I with such an obstinacy,  
Conceal myself any longer. I am taught,  Con. speaks aside. 
That all the blood which will be shed tomorrow,  
Must fall upon my head; one question  
Shall fix it or untie it: Noble brother,  
I would fain know how it is possible,  
When it appears you love the fair jolenta  
With such a height of fervour, you were ready  
To father another's child, and marry her,  
You would so suddenly engage yourself,  
To kill her brother, one that ever stood,  
Your loyal and firm friend?  Erco. 
Sir, I'll tell you,  
My love, as I have formerly protested  
To Contarino, whose unfortunate end,  
The traitor wrought: and here is one thing more,  
Deads all good thoughts of him, which I now received  
From jolenta.  Cont. 
In a Letter?  Erco. 
Yes, in this Letter:  
For having sent to her to be resolved  
Most truly, who was father of the child,  
She writes back, that the shame she goes withal,  
Was begot by her brother.  Cont. 
O most incestuous villain.  Erc. 
I protest, before I thought 'twas Contarino's Issue,  
And for that would have veiled her dishonour.  Cont. 
No more.  
Has the Armourer brought the weapons?  Erco. 
Yes sir.  Cont. 
I will no more think of her.  Erco. 
Of whom?  Con. 
Of my mother, I was thinking of my mother.  
Call the Armourer.  Exeunt. Enter Surgeon, and Winifrid. Win. 
You do love me sir, you say?  Sur. 
O most entirely.  Win. 
And you will marry me?  Sur 
Nay, I'll do more than that.  
The fashion of the world is many times,  
To make a woman nought, and afterwards  
To marry her: but I a'th' contrary,  
Will make you honest first, and afterwards Proceed to the wedlock.  Win. 
Honest, what mean you by that?  Sur. 
I mean, that your suborning the late Lawsuit,  
Has got you a filthy report: now there's no way,  
But to do some excellent piece of honesty,  
To recover your good name.  Win 
How sir?  Sur. 
You shall straight go, and reveal to your old  
Mistress, for certain truth, Contarino is alive.  Win. 
How, living?  Sur. 
Yes, he is living.  Win. 
No, I must not tell her of it.  Sur. 
No, why?  Win. 
For she did bind me yesterday by oath,  
Never more to speak of him.  Sur. 
You shall reveal it then to Ariosto the judge.  Win. 
By no means, he has heard me  
Tell so many lies i'th' Court, he'll ne'er believe me.  
What if I told it to the Capuchin?  Sur. 
You cannot think of a better; for as your young Mris.  
Who as you told me, has persuaded you,  
To run away with her: let her have her humour.  
I have a suit Romelio left I'th' house,  
The habit of a jew, that I'll put on,  
And pretending I am robbed, by break of day,  
Procure all Passengers to be brought back,  
And by the way reveal myself, and discover  
The Comical event. They say she's a little mad,  
This will help to cure her: go, go presently,  
And reveal it to the Capuchin.  Win. 
Sir, I shall  Exeunt. Enter Julio, Prospero, and Sanitonella. Iul. 
A pox on't, I have undertaken the challenge very foolishly: what if I do not appear to answer it?  Pro. 
It would be absolute conviction  
Of Cowardice, and Perjury; and the Dane,  
May to your public shame, reverse your Arms,  
Or have them ignomiously fastened  
Under his horse tail.  Iul. 
I do not like that so well.  
I see then I must fight whether I will or no.  Prosp. 
How does Romelio bear himself? They say,  
He has almost brained one of our cunningest Fencers,  
That practised with him.  Iul. 
Very certain; and now you talk of fencing,  
Do not you remember the Welsh Gentleman,  
That was travailing to Rome upon return?  Pros. 
No, what of him?  Iul. 
There was a strange experiment of a Fencer.  Pras. 
What was that?  Jul 
The Welshman in's play, do what the Fencer could,  
Hung still an arse; he could not for's life  
Make him come on bravely: till one night at supper,  
Observing what a deal of Parma cheese  
His Scholar devoured, goes ingeniously  
The next morning, and makes a spacious button  
For his foil of toasted cheese, and as sure as you live,  
That made him come on the braveliest.  Pros. 
Possible!  Iul. 
Marry it taught him an ill grace in's play,  
It made him gape still, gape as he put in for't,  
As I have seen some hungry Usher.  San. 
The toasting of it belike,  
Was to make it more supple, had he chanced  
To have hit him a'th' chaps.  Iul. 
Not unlikely. Who can tell me,  
If we may breathe in the Duel?  Pro. 
By no means.  Iul. 
Nor drink?  Pros. 
Neither.  Iul. 
That's scurvy, anger will make me very dry.  Pros. 
You mistake sir, 'tis sorrow that is very dry.  San. 
Not always sir, I have known sorrow very wet.  Iul. 
In rainy weather.  San. 
No, when a woman has come dropping wet  
Out of a Cucking-stool.  Iul. 
Then 'twas wet indeed sir.  Enter Romelio very melancholy, and the Capuchin. Cap. 
Having from Leonora's Waiting-woman,  
Delivered a most strange Intelligence  
Of Contarino's recovery, I am come  
To sound Romelio's penitence; that performed,  
To end these errors by discovering,  
What she related to me. Peace to you sir,  
Pray Gentlemen, let the freedom of this Room  
Be mine a little. Nay sir, you may stay.  Exeunt Pro. San. 
Will you pray with me?  Rom. 
No, no, the world and I  
Have not made up our accounts yet.  Cap. 
Shall I pray for you?  Rom. 
Whether you do or no, I care not.  Cap. 
O you have a dangerous voyage to take.  Rom. 
No matter, I will be mine own Pilot:  
Do not you trouble your head with the business.  Cap. 
Pray tell me, do not you meditate of death?  Rom. 
Phew, I took out that Lesson,  
When I once lay sick of an Ague: I do now  
Labour for life, for life. Sir, can you tell me,  
Whether your Tolledo, or your Milan Blade  
Be best tempered?  Cap. 
These things you know, are out of my practice.  Rom. 
But these are things you know,  
I must practise with tomorrow.  Cap. 
Were I in your case,  
I should present to myself strange shadows.  Rom. 
Turn you, were I in your case,  
I should laugh at mine one shadow.  
Who has hired you to make me Coward?  Cap. 
I would make you a good Christian.  Rom 
Withal, let me continue  
An honest man, which I am very certain,  
A coward can never be; you take upon you  
A physician's place, rather than a Divines.  
You go about to bring my body so low,  
I should sight i'th' Lists tomorrow like a Dormouse,  
And be made away in a slumber.  Cap. 
Did you murder Contarino?  Rom. 
That's a scurvy question now.  Cap. 
Why sir?  Rom. 
Did you ask it as a Confessor, or as a spy?  Cap. 
As one that fain would justle the devil  
Out of your way.  Rom. 
umh, you are but weakly made for't:  
he's a cunning wrestler, I can tell you, and has broke many a man's neck.  Cap. 
But to give him the foil, goes not by strength.  Rom. 
Let it go by what it will,  
Get me some good victuals to breakfast, I am hungry.  Cap. 
Here's food for you.  Offering him a Book. Rom. 
Pew, I am not to commence Doctor:  
For then the word, Devour that book, were proper.  
I am to fight, to fight sir, and I'll do't,  
As I would feed, with a good stomach.  Cap. 
Can you feed, and apprehend death?  Rom. 
Why sir? Is not Death  
A hungry companion? Say? is not the grave  
Said to be a great devourer? Get me some victuals.  
I knew a man that was to lose his head,  
Feed with an excellent good appetite,  
To strengthen his heart, scarce half an hour before.  
And if he did it, that only was to speak,  
What should I, that am to do?  Cap. 
This confidence,  
If it be grounded upon truth, 'tis well.  Rom. 
You must understand, that Resolution  
Should ever wait upon a noble death,  
As Captains bring their Soldiers out o'th' field,  
And come off last: for, I pray what is death?  
The safest Trench i'th' world to keep man free  
From Fortune's Gunshot; to be afraid of that,  
Would prove me weaker than a teeming woman,  
That does endure a thousand times more pain  
In bearing of a child.  Cap 
O, I tremble for you:  
For I do know you have a storm within you,  
More terrible than a Sea-fight, and your soul  
Being heretofore drowned in security,  
You know not how to live, nor how to die:  
But I have an object that shall startle you,  
And make you know whither you are going.  Rom. 
I am armed for't.  Enter Leonora with two Coffins borne by her servants, and two Winding-sheets stuck with flowers, presents one to her son, and the other to julio. 
'tis very welcome, this is a decent garment  
Will never be out of fashion. I will kiss it.  
All the Flowers of the Spring,  
Meet to perfume our burying:  
These have but their growing prime,  
And man does flourish but his time.  
Survey our progress from our birth,  
We are set, we grow, we turn to earth.  
Courts adieu, and all delights,  Soft Music. 
All bewitching appetites;  
Sweetest Breath, and clearest eye,  
Like perfumes go out and die;  
And consequently this is done,  
As shadows wait upon the Sun.  
Vain the ambition of Kings,  
Who seek by trophies and dead things,  
To leave a living name behind  
And weave but nets to catch the wind:  
O you have wrought a miracle, and melted  
A heart of Adamant, you have comprised  
In this dumb Pageant, a right excellent form  
Of penitence.  Cap. 
I am glad you so receive it.  Ro. 
This object does persuade me to forgive  to his mother 
The wrong she has done me, which I count the way  
To be forgiven yonder: and this shroud  
Shows me how rankly we do smell of earth,  
When we are in all our glory. Will it please you  
Enter that Closet, where I shall confer  
'bout matters of most weighty consequence,  
Before the Duel.  Exit Leonora. jul 
Now I am right in the bandoleer for th' gallows.  
What a scurvy fashion 'tis, to hang one's coffin in a scarf?  Cap. 
Why this is well:  
And now that I have made you fit for death,  
And brought you even as low as is the grave,  
I will raise you up again speak comforts to you  
Beyond your hopes, turn this intended Duel  
To a triumph.  Rom. 
More Divinity yet?  
Good sir, do one thing first, there's in my Closet  
A Prayer book that is covered with guilt velum,  
Fetch it, and pray you certify my mother,  
I'll presently come to her.  
So now you are safe.  Locks him into a Closet. Jul. 
What have you done?  Rom. 
Why I have locked them up  
Into a Turret of the Castle safe enough,  
For troubling us this four hours; and he please,  
He may open a Casement, and whistle out toth' Sea,  
Like a Boson, not any creature can hear him.  
Wast not thou a weary of his preaching?  Iul. 
Yes, if he had had an hourglass by him,  
I would have wished him he would have jogged it a little.  
But your mother, your mother's locked in to.  Rom. 
So much the better,  
I am rid of her howling at parting.  Iul. 
Hark, he knocks to be let out and he were mad.  Rom. 
Let him knock till his Sandals fly in pieces.  Iul. 
Ha, what says he? Contarino living?  Rom. 
ay, ay, he means he would have Contarino's living  
Bestowed upon his Monastery, 'tis that  
He only fishes for. So, 'tis break of day,  
We shall be called to the combat presently.  Iul. 
I am sorry for one thing.  Rom. 
What's that?  Iul. 
That I made not mine own Ballad: I do fear  
I shall be roguishly abused in Meeter,  
If I miscarry. Well, if the young Capuchin  
Do not talk a'th' flesh as fast now to your mother,  
As he did to us a'th' spirit; if he do,  
'tis not the first time that the prison royal  
Has been guilty of close committing.  Rom. 
Now toth' Combat.  Enter Capuchin and Leonora above at a window. Leon. 
Contarino living?  Cap. 
Yes Madam, he is living, and Ercole's Second.  Leo. 
Why has he locked us up thus?  Cap. 
Some evil Angel  
Makes him deaf to his own safety, we are shut  
Into a Turret, the most desolate prison  
Of all the Castle, and his obstinacy,  
Madness, or secret fate, has thus prevented,  
The saving of his life.  Leo. 
Oh the saving Contarino's,  
His is worth nothing: for heaven's sake call louder.  Cap. 
To little purpose.  Leo. 
I will leap these Battlements,  
And may I be found dead time enough,  
To hinder the combat.  Cap. 
Oh look upwards rather,  
Their deliverance must come thence: to see how heaven,  
Can invert man's firmest purpose: his intent  
Of murdering Contarino, was a mean  
To work his safety, and my coming hither  
To save him, is his ruin: wretches turn  
The tide of their good fortune, and being drenched  
In some presumptuous and hidden sins,  
While they aspire to do themselves most right,  
The devil that rules i'th' ay re, hangs in their light.  Leo. 
Oh they must not be lost thus; some good christian come within our hearing: open the other casement that looks into the city.  Cap. 
Madam, I shall.  Exeunt. The Lists set up. Enter the Marshal, Crispiano, and Ariosto as judges, they sit. Mar. 
Give the appellant his Summons, do the like  
To the Defendant.  Two Tuckets by several Trumpets. Enter at one door, Ercole and Contarino, at the other, Romelio and Julio. 
Can any of you allege aught, why the Combat  
Should not proceed?  Combatants. 
Nothing.  Ario 
Have the Knights weighed,  
And measured their weapons?  Mar. 
They have.  Ario. 
Proceed then to the battle, and may heaven  
Determine the right.  Herald. 
Soit le Battle, et Victory a ceux que droit.  Rom 
Stay, I do not well know whither I am going:  
'Twere needful therefore, though at the last gasp,  
To have some Church man's prayer. Run I pray thee,  
To Castle Novo; this key will release  
A Capuchin and my mother, whom I shut  
Into a Turret, bid them make haste, and pray  
I may be dead ere he comes. Now, Victory a ceux que droit.  All the Champ. Victory a ccux que droit. The Combat continued to a good length, when enters Leonora, and the Capuchin. Leon. 
Hold, hold, for heaven's sake hold.  Ari. 
What are these that interrupt the combat?  
Away to prison with them.  Cap. 
We have been prisoners too long:  
Oh sir, what mean you? Contarino's living.  Erco. 
Living!  Cap. 
Behold him living.  Erco. 
You were but now my second, now I make you  
myself for ever.  Leon. 
Oh here's one between,  
Claims to be nearer.  Cont. 
And to you dear Lady,  
I have entirely vowed my life.  Rom. 
If I do not dream, I am happy to.  Ario. 
How insolently has this high Court of Honour  
Been abused!  Enter Angiolella veiled, and jolenta, her face coloured like a moor, the two Surgeons, one of them like a jew. Ario. 
How now, who are these?  2. Sur. 
A couple of strange fowl, and I the Falconer,  
That have sprung them. This is a white Nun,  
Of the Order of Saint Clare; and this a black one,  
You'll take my word for't.  Discovers jolenta. Ario. 
she's a black one indeed.  Jolen. 
Like or dislike me, choose you whether,  
The Down upon the raven's feather,  
Is as gentle and as sleek,  
As the Mole on Venus' cheek.  
Hence vain show, I only care,  
To preserve my Soul most fair.  
Never mind the outward skin,  
But the jewel that's within:  
And though I want the crimson blood,  
Angels boast my Sisterhood.  
Which of us now judge you whiter,  
Her whose credit proves the lighter,  
Or this black, and Ebon hue,  
That unstained, keeps fresh and true:  
For I proclaim't without control,  
There's no true beauty, but i'th' Soul.  Erco. 
Oh 'tis the fair jolenta; to what purpose  
Are you thus eclipsed?  jol 
Sir, I was running away  
From the rumour of this Combat: I fled likewise,  
From the untrue report my brother spread  
To his politic ends, that I was got with child.  Leon. 
Cease here all further scrutiny, this paper  
Shall give unto the Court each circumstance,  
Of all these passages.  Ario. 
No more: attend the Sentence of the Court.  
Rareness and difficulty give estimation  
To all things are i'th' world: you have met both  
In these several passages: now it does remain,  
That these so Comical events be blasted  
With no severity of Sentence: You Romelio,  
Shall first deliver to that Gentleman,  
Who stood your Second, all those Obligations,  
Wherein he stands engaged to you,  
Receiving only the principal.  Rom. 
I shall my Lord.  Iul. 
I thank you,  
I have an humour now to go to Sea  
Against the Pirates; and my only ambition,  
Is to have my Ship furnished with a rare consort  
Of Music; and when I am pleased to be mad,  
They shall play me Orlando.  San. 
You must lay wait for the Fiddlers,  
They'll fly away from the press like Watermen.  Ario. 
Next, you shall marry that Nun.  Rom. 
Most willingly.  Angio. 
Oh sir, you have been unkind;  
But I do only wish, that this my shame,  
May warn all honest Virgins, not to seek  
The way to Heaven, that is so wondrous steep,  
Through those vows they are too frail to keep.  Ario. 
Contarino, and Romelio, and yourself,  
Shall for seven years maintain against the Turk,  
Six Galleys. Leonora, jolenta,  
And Angiolella there the beauteous Nun,  
For their vows breach unto the Monastery,  
Shall build a Monastery. Lastly, the two Surgeons,  
For concealing Contarino's recovery,  
Shall exercise their Art at their own charge,  
For a twelvemonth in the Galleys: so we leave you,  
Wishing your future life may make good use  
Of these events, since that these passages,  
Which threatened ruin, built on rotten ground,  
Are with success beyond our wishes crowned.  Exeunt Omnes.  
FINIS.