A Right excellent and famous Comedy, called The Three Ladies of London.  
WHEREIN IS NOTABLY declared and set forth, how by the means of Lucar, Love and Conscience is so corrupted, that the one is married to Dissimulation, the other fraught with all abomination.  
A perfect pattern for all Estates to look into, and a work right worthy to be marked. Written by R. W. as it hath been publicly played.  
AT LONDON, Printed by john Danter, dwelling in Duck Lane, near Smithfield. 1592.   

The Prologue.  
TO sit on honours seat, it is a lofty reach,  
To seek for praise by making brags, oft times doth get a breach.  
We list not ride the rolling racks, that dims the crystal skies,  
We mean to set no glimmering glance before your courteous eyes:  
We search not Pluto's pensive pit, nor taste of Limbo lake:  
We do not show of warlike fight, as shield and sword to shake:  
We speak not of the powers divine, x yet of furious sprights:  
We do not seek high hills to climb, nor talk of loves delights:  
We do not here present to you the thresher with his flail,  
Ne do we here present to you the milkmaid with her pail:  
We show not you of country toil, as hedger with his bill:  
We do not bring the husbandman to lop and top with skill:  
We pay not here the gardeners part to plant, to set and sow:  
You marvel then what wares we have to furnish out our show.  
Your patience yet we crave a while till we have trimmed our stall:  
Then young and old come and behold our wares, & buy them all.  
Then if our wares shall seem to you, well woven, good & fine,  
We hope we shall your custom have again another time.  
FINIS.   

A pithy and pleasant Comedy of the three Ladies of London.  

The first Act.  Enter Fame sounding before Love and Conscience. Love. 
lady Conscience, what shall we say to our estates,  
to whom shall we complain?  
Or how shall we abridge such fates, as heapeth up our pain?  
'tis Lucar now that rules the rout, 'tis she is all in all,  
'tis she that holds her head so stout, in fine 'tis she that works our fall.  
Oh Conscience, I fear, I fear a day,  
that we by her and Usury shall quite be cast away.  Con. 
Indeed I fear the worst, for every man doth sew  
and comes from countries strange and far, of her to have view.  
Although they ought to seek true Love and Conscience clear:  
but Love and Conscience few do like, that lean on Lucars chair.  
Men ought be ruled by us, we ought in them bear sway:  
so should each neighbour live by other in good estate always.  Love. 
For Lucar men come from Italy, barbary, Turkey,  
From jury: nay the Pagan himself,  
Endangers his body to gape for her pelf.  
They forsake mother, prince country, religion, kith and kin,  
Nay men care not what they forsake, so lady Lucar they win.  
That we poor ladies may sigh to see our states thus turned and tossed,  
and worse and worse is like to be, where Lucar rules the roast.  Con. 
You say the truth, yet God I trust will not admit it so,  
that Love and Conscience by Lucars lust shall catch an overthrow.  Fame. 
Good ladies rest content, and you no doubt shall see  
them plagued with painful punishment for such their cruelty:  
And if true Love and Conscience live from Lucars lust lascivious,  
thou Fame a triple crown will give, which lasteth ay victorious.  Con. 
God grant that Conscience keep within the bounds of right,  
and that vile Lucar do not daunt her heart with deadly spite.  Love. 
And grant O God that Love be found in city, town & country,  
which causeth wealth and peace abound, and pleaseth God almighty.  Fame. 
But Ladies, be't your pleasure to walk abroad a while,  
and recreate yourselves with measure your sorrows to beguile.  Con. 
Pass on good Fame, your steps do frame, on you we will attend,  
and pray to God that holds the rod, our states for to defend.  Exeunt. Enter Dissimulation, having on a farmer's long coat, and a cap, and his poll and beard painted motley. Dissim. 
Nay no less than a farmer, a right honest man,  
but my tongue cannot stay me to tell what I am:  
Nay, who is it that knows me not by my party coloured head?  
They may well think that see me, my honesty is fled.  
Tush, a fig for honesty, tut let that go.  
Sith men, women, and children my name and doings do know.  
My name is Dissimulation, and no base mind I bear,  
For my outward effects my inward zeal do declare:  
For men do dissemble with their wives, & their wives with them again,  
So that in the hearts of them I always remain:  
The child dissembles with his father, the sister with her brother,  
the maiden with her mistress, and the youngman with his lover,  
There is Dissimulation between neighbour and neighbour, friend and friend, one with another.  
Between the servant and his master, between brother and brother,  
then why make you it strange that ever you knew me,  
Seeing so often I range throughout every degree?  
But forget my baseness, i'll towards London as fast as I can,  
to get entertainment of one of the three Ladies, like an honest man.  Enter simplicity like a Miller all mealy with a wand in his hand. simp. 
They say there is preferment in London to have,  
Mass and there be i'll be passing and brave:  
Why i'll be no more a miller, because the maidens call me dusty pole,  
One thumps me on the neck, and another strikes me on the noll:  
And you see I am a handsome fellow, mark the comportance of my stature,  
Faith i'll go seek peradventures, and be a serving creature.  Dissim. 
Whither away good fellow? I pray thee declare.  simp. 
Marry I'll clare thee, to London, would thou didst go there.  Dissim. 
What if I did, would it be better for thee?  simp. 
I marry should it, for I love honest company.  Dissim. 
Agreed, there is a wreath, but what shall I call thee?  simp. 
'cause thou art an honest man i'll tell thee, my name is Simplicity  Dissim. 
A name agreeing to thy nature, but stay here comes more company.  Enter Fraud with a sword and buckler like a Ruffian. Fraud. 
huff once aloft, and if I may hit in the right vain,  
Where I may beguile easily without any great pain:  
I will flaunt it and brave it after the lusty swash,  
I'll deceive thousands, what care I who lie in the lash.  Dissim. 
What Fraud well met, whither travelest thou this way?  Fraud. 
To London, to get entertainment there if I may,  
Of the three ladies, Lucar, Love, and Conscience,  
What care I to serve the Devil, so I may get pence?  simp 
O Fraud I know thee for a deceitful knave,  
And art thou gotten so bonfacion and brave?  
I knew thee when thou dwelled at a place called Gravesend,  
And the guests knew thee too, because thou wast not their friend,  
For when thou wouldst bring reckoning to thy guess,  
thou wouldst say twice so much, and swear it cost thy dame no less.  
So thou didst deceive them, and thy dame too:  
And because they spied thy knavery, away thou didst go.  
Then thou didst go into Hartfordshire to a place called Ware,  
And because horses stood at hay for a penny a night there,  
Do that thou couldst get nothing that kind of way,  
thou didst grease the horses teeth, that they should not eat hay,  
And wouldst tell the rider his horse no hay would eat,  
Do the man would say, give him some other kind of meat.  
Sir shall I give him oates, fitch's pease barley, or bread,  
But whate'er thou gav'st him, thou stolst three quarters when he was in bed,  
And how thou art so proud with thy filching & cozening art,  
But I think one day thou wilt be proud of the Rope and the Cart:  
take a wise fellows counsel Fraud, leave thy cozening and filching.  Fraud. 
Thou whoreson rascal swad avant, i'll bang thee for thy brawling,  
how darest thou defame a Gentleman that hath so large a living?  Sim. 
A goodly Gentleman Ostler, I think none of you all believe him.  Fraud 
What a clinchpoop drudge is this? I can forbear him no more.  Let Fraud make as though he would strike him, but let Dissimulation step between them. Dissim. 
My good friend Fraud refrain, and care not therefore,  
'tis Simplicity that patch, he knoweth not good from bad,  
And to stand in contention with him, I would think you were mad  
But tell me Fraud tell me, hast thou been an Ostler in thy days?  Fraud. 
Faith I have proved an hundred such ways,  
For when I could not thrive by all other trades,  
I became a squire to wait upon jades.  
But then was then, and now is now, so let that pass,  
I am as thou seest me, what care? the devil what I was.  Dissim. 
You say you go to London, in faith have with you then.  Simpl. 
Nay come and go with me, good honest man:  
For if thou go with him, he will teach thee all his knavery,  
there is none will go with him that hath any honesty.  
A bots on thy motley beard, I know thee thou art Dissimulation,  
And hast thou got an honest man's coat to semble this fashion?  
I'll tell thee what, thou wilt even semble & cog with thine own father:  
A couple of false knaves together, a thief and a broker:  
thou mak'st towns folk believe thou art an honest man in the country,  
yet dost nothing but cog, lie, and foist with hypocrisy.  
You shall be hanged together and go alone together for me,  
For if I should go the folks would say, we were knaves all three.  Enter Sympathy and Usury hand in hand. Sim. 
Friend Usury, I think we are well-near at our journeys end:  
But knowest thou whom I have espied?  Usury. 
No.  Sym. 
Fraud our great friend.  Vsur. 
And I see another that is now come into my remembrance.  Sym. 
Who is that?  Vsur. 
marry M. Dame Dissimulation, a good helper, and our old acquaintance.  Simpl. 
Now all the cards in the stock are dealt about,  
the four knaves in a cluster comes ruffling out.  Sym. 
What Fraud and Dissimulation happily found out,  
I marvel what piece of work you two go about?  Fraud. 
Faith sir we met by chance, and towards London are bent  Usury. 
And to London we high it is our chiefest intent,  
to see if we can get entertainment of the Ladies or no.  Dissim. 
And for the self same matter even thither we go.  Sym. 
Then we are luckily well met, & seeing we wish all for one thing,  
I would we our wills and wishing might win.  Simpl. 
Yes they will be sure to win the devil and all,  
Or else they'll make a man to spew out his gall:  
O that vile Usury, he lent my father a little money, & for breaking one day,  
He took the feesimple of his house and mill quite away:  
And yet he borrowed not half a quarter so much as it cost,  
But I think if it had been but a shilling it had been lost:  
So he killed my father with sorrow, and undid me quite,  
And you deal with him sirs, you shall find him a knave full of spite,  
And Simon I pierce I. Simony too, he is a knave for the nonce,  
He loves to have twenty livings at once:  
And if he let an honest man as I am to have one,  
He'll let it so dear that he shall be undone.  
And he seeks to get Parsons livings into his hand,  
And puts in some odd dunce that to his payment will stand:  
So, if the parsonage be worth forty or fifty pound a year,  
He will give one twenty nobles to mumble service once a month there.  Simony and Usury both. 
What rascal is he, that speaks by us such villainy?  Dissim. 
Sirs, he was at us erewhile too, it is no matter, it is a simple soul called Simplicity.  Enter Love and Conscience. 
But here come two of the Ladies, therefore make ready.  Fraud. 
But which of us all shall first break the matter?  Dissim. 
marry let Simony do it, for he finely can flatter.  Vsur. 
Nay sirs, because none of us shall have pre-eminence above other,  
we will sing in fellowship together like brother and brother.  Sym. 
Of troth agreed my masters let it be so.  Simpl. 
Nay and they sing, i'll sing too.  

The Song.  

Good Ladies take pity, and grant our desire.  
Conscience reply .Speak boldly and tell me what dost you require.  
Their reply .Your service good Ladies, is that we do crave.  
Her reply .We like not nor list not such servants to have,   

Their reply .If you entertain us, we trusty will be,  
but if you refrain us, then most unhappy:  
We will come we will run we will bend at our beck,  
we will ply, we will hie, for fear of a check.   

Her reply .You do feign, you do flatter, you do lie, you do prate,  
you will steal, you will rob, you will kill in your hate:  
I deny you, I defy you, then cease off your talking,  
I refrain you, I disdain you, therefore get you walking.    Con. 
What Fraud, Dissimulation, Usury, and Simony,  
How dare you for shame presume so boldly,  
As once to show yourselves before Love and Conscience,  
Not yielding your lewd lives first to repentance?  
Think you not that God will plague your wicked practises,  
If you intend not to amend your lives so far amiss?  
Think you not God knows your thoughts words and works,  
And what secret mischiefs in your hearts there lurks?  
then how dare you offend his heavenly majesty,  
With your dissembling deceit, your flattery, and your Usury?  Fraud. 
Tut sirs, seeing lady Conscience is so scrupulous,  
I will not speak to her, for I see it is frivolous.  
But what say you lady Love, will you grant us favour?  Love. 
I'll no such servants so ill of behaviour:  
Servants more fitter for Lucar than Love,  
And happy are they which refrain for to prove:  
Shameless, pitiless, graceless, and quite past honesty,  
then who of good conscience but will hate your company.  Vsu. 
Here is scrupulous Conscience and nice Love indeed,  
Tush, if they will not, others will, I know we shall speed.  simp. 
But lady I stand still behind, for I am none of their company.  Con. 
Why, what art thou? oh I know thou art simplicity.  simp. 
i'faith, I am simplicity, and would fain serve ye.  Con. 
No, I may have no fools to dwell with me.  Simp. 
Why, then lady Love will you have me than?  Love. 
Yes simplicity thou shalt be my man.  Simp. 
But shall I be your good man?  Love. 
Yea my good man indeed.  Simp. 
ay but I would be your goodman, & swap up a wedding with speed  Love. 
No, Love may not marry in any case with Simplicity,  
But if thou wilt serve me, i'll receive it willingly,  
And if thou wilt not, what remedy.  Simp. 
Yes i'll serve ye, but will you go in to dinner, for I am hungry?  Love. 
Come lady Conscience, will you walk home from this company?  Con. 
With right good will, for their sights likes not me.  Exeunt Love and Conscience. Fraud. 
Fraud is the clubbish knave, and Usury the hard hearted knave  
And Simony the diamond dainty knave,  
And Dissimulation the spiteful knave of spade.  
Come there any more knaves, come there any more:  
I see four knaves stand on a row.  Let Fraud run at him, and let Simplicity run in, and come out again straight. Fraud. 
Away Drudge, be gone quickly.  Simp. 
I wis, do thrust out mine eyes with a Lady.  Exit Simplicity. Usury. 
Did you ever see Gentleman so ranted at before,  
But it skills not, I hope one day to turn them both out at door.  Symo. 
We were arrantly flouted, railed at, and scoffed in our kind,  
That same Conscience is a vild terror to man's mind:  
Yet faith I care not, for I have borne many more than these,  
When I was conversant with the Clergy beyond the Seas,  
And he that will live in this world must not care what such say,  
For they are blossoms blown down, not to be found after May.  Fraud. 
Faith care that care will, for I care not a point,  
I have shifted hitherto, and whilst I live I will jeopard a joint:  
And at my death I will leave my inheritor behind,  
That shall be of the right stamp to follow my mind:  
Therefore let them prate till their hearts ache, and spit out their evil,  
She cannot quail me, if she came in likeness of the great devil.  Dissim. 
Mass Fraud, thou hast a doughty heart to make a hangman of,  
For thou hast good skill to help men from the cough,  
But we were arrantly flouted, yet I thought she had not known me,  
But I perceive though Dissimulation do disguise him, Conscience can see.  
What though Conscience perceive it, all the world cannot beside?  
Tush there be a thousand places where we ourselves may provide:  
But look sirs, here cometh a lusty Lady towards us in haste,  
But speak to her if you will, that we may be all placed.  Enter Lady Lucar. Vsu. 
I pray thee do, for thou art the likeliest to speed.  Dissim. 
Why then i'll to it with a stomach in hope of good speed,  
Fair Lady, all the Gods of good fellowship kiss ye (I would say bless ye)  Luc. 
Thou art very pleasant & full of thy roperipe, I would say rhetoric  Dissim. 
Lady you took me at the worst, I beseech you therefore,  
To pardon my boldness offending no more.  Luc. 
We do, the matter is not great, but what wouldst thou have?  
How shall I call thee, and what be't thou dost crave?  Dissim. 
I am called Dissimulation, and my earnest request,  
Is to crave entertainment for me and the rest,  
Whose names are Fraud, Usury, and Simony,  
Great cators for your health, wealth, and prosperity.  Luc. 
Fraud, Dissimulation, Usury, and Simony,  
Now truly I thank you for proffering your service to me:  
You are all heartily welcome, and I will appoint straight way,  
where each one in his office in great honour shall stay.  
But Usury didst thou never know my grandmother the old Lady Lucar of Venice.  Usury. 
Yes madam, I was servant unto her, and lived there in bliss.  Lucar. 
But why camest thou into England, seeing Venice is a City where Usury by Lucar may live in great glory?  Usury. 
I have often heard your good grandmother tell,  
that she had in England a daughter, which her far did excel:  
And that England was such a place for Lucar to bide,  
as was not in Europe and the whole world beside:  
then lusting greatly to see you and the country, she being dead,  
I made haste to come over to serve you in her stead.  Lucar. 
Gramercy Usury, & doubt not but to live here as pleasantly,  
and pleasanter too: but whence came you Simony, tell me.  sym. 
My birth, nursery & bringing up hitherto hath been in Rome, that ancient religious city:  
On a time the monks a friars made a banquet, whereto they invited me  
with certain other English merchants, which belike were of their familiarity.  
So talking of many matters, amongst others one began to debate  
of the abundant substance still brought to that state.  
Soon said the increase of their substance and wealth,  
came from other Princes, and was brought thither by stealth:  
But the friars and monks with all the ancient company,  
said that it first came, and is now upholden by me Simony:  
which the Englishmen gave ear too, than they flattered a little too much,  
as English merchants can do for advantage when increase it doth touch:  
And being a shipboard merry, and overcome with drink on a day,  
the wind served, they hoist sail, and so brought me away:  
and landing here, I heard in what great estimation you were,  
made bold to your honour to make my repair.  Lucar. 
Well Simony, I thank thee, but as for Fraud & Dissimulation  
I know their long continuance, and after what fashion.  
Therefore Dissimulation, you shall be my steward,  
An office that every man's case by you must be preferred.  
And you Fraud shall be my rent-gatherer, my letter of leases & my purchaser of land,  
so that many old bribes will come to thy hand.  
And Usury because I know you be trusty, you shall be my secretary,  
to deal amongst merchants, to bargain and exchange money.  
And Simony, because you are a sly fellow, & have your tongue liberal,  
we will place you over such matters as are Ecclesiastical  
And though we appoint sundry offices where now ye are in,  
yet jointly we mean to use you together ofttimes in one thing.  All. 
Lady we rest at your command in aught we can or may.  Lucar. 
Then master Davie to my palace haste thee away,  
and will Crafty Conveyance my butler to make ready  
The best fare in the house, to welcome thee and thy company:  
but stay Dissimulation, myself will go with thee.  
Gentlemen i'll go before, but see in any case,  
so soon as ye please resort to my place.  Exeunt, Dissim. & Lucar. sym. 
Doubt not fair Lady, we will not long absent be.  Usury. 
Fellow Simony this fell out pat, so well as heart could wish,  
we are cunning anglers, we have caught the fattest fish,  
Certainly it is true that her grandmother told.  
Here is good to be done by use of silver and gold.  
And seeing we are so well settled in this country,  
Rich and poor shall be pinched whosoever come to me.  sym. 
Sirrah, being at Rome, and dwelling in the Friary,  
they would talk how England yearly sent over a great mass of money:  
and that this little Island was more worth to the Pope,  
than three bigger Realms that had a great deal more scope:  
For here were smoke pence, peter pence, and Paul pence to be paid,  
besides much other money that to the pope's use was made.  
Why, it is but lately since the Pope received this fine,  
Not much more than 33. years since, it was in Queen Mary's time.  
But England had never known what this great had meant,  
Had friar Austen from the Pope not hither been sent.  
For the Pope hearing it to be a little Island, sent him with a great Army over.  
And winning the victory, he landed about Rye, Sandwich, or Dover.  
Then he erected laws having the people in subjection,  
and for the most part, England hath paid tribute so long.  
I hearing of the great store and wealth in the Country,  
could not choose but persuade myself the people loved simony.  Usury. 
But stay your talk till some other time, we forget my Lady,  Sym. 
Of troth you say true, for she bade us make haste,  
but my talk methought savoured well, and had a good taste.  Exeunt ambo. Enter Mercadore like an Italian Merchant. Merc. 
Me judge in my minda dat me be not very far  
from de place where dwells my Lady Lucar:  
But here come une shentie man's so he do.  Enter Dissimulation. 
Pray ye heartily signor leta me speak-a you,  
Pray ye do ye know un shentleman dat meshier Davie do call  Dissim. 
Yes sir, myself am he, and what would you withal?  Merca. 
Good a my friend meshier Davie, helpa me pray ye heartily,  
for have sum acquaintance a with Madonna Lucar your Lady.  
Sir upon condition I will, therefore I would you should know,  
That on me and my fellows you must largely bestow:  
Whose names are Fraud, Usury, and Simony, men of great credit and calling,  
And to get my lady's good will and theirs it is no small thing  
But tell me can you be content to win Lucar by Dissimulation?  Merca. 
A good o' my friend axa me no shush a question,  
For he dat will live in de world must be of the world sure,  
And de world will love his own, so long as the world endure.  Enter Lucar. Dissim. 
I commend you wit Sir, but here comes my Lady.  Merca. 
Come hider, here's too tree Crowns for de speak me.  Dissim. 
Well sir I think you, I will go speak for you.  Lucar. 
Master Davy Dissimulation, what new acquaintance have ye gotten there?  Dissim. 
Such a one Madam that unto your state hath great care:  
And surely in my mind the Gentleman is worthy  
To be well thought on for his liberality, bounty, & great care to seek ye.  Lucar. 
Gentleman, you are heartily welcome, how are you called, I pray you tell us?  Merca. 
madonna, me be a Mershant and be called senior Merkadorus.  Lucar. 
But I pray you tell me what Countryman.  Merca. 
Me be Madonna an Italian.  Lucar. 
Yet let me trouble ye, I beseech ye whence came ye?  Merca. 
For Serva voutra boungrace, me come form Turkey.  Lucar. 
Gramercy, but signior Mercadore dare you not undertake, Secretly to convey good commodities out of this country for my sake?  Merca. 
madonna, me do for love of you tinke no pain too much,  
And to do any ting for you me will not grush:  
Me will a forsake a my father, Mother, King, Country, & more den dat,  
Me will lie and forswear myself for a quarter so much as my hat.  
What is dat for love of Lucar me dare or will not do:  
Me care not for all the world, the great Devil, nay make my God angry  
for you.  Luc. 
You say well Mercadorus, yet Lucar by this is not thoroughly won  
But give ear and I will show what by thee must be done:  
Thou must carry over Wheat, Pease, Barley, Oats, and Fitches, and all kind of grain,  
Which is well sold beyond sea and bring such merchants great gain.  
Then thou must carry beside leather, tallow, beef, bacon, bell metal, and every thing,  
And for these good commodities, trifles into England thou must bring:  
As Bugles to make babbles, coloured bones, glass beads to make bracelets withal:  
For every day Gentlewomen of England do ask for such trifles from stall to stall,  
And you must bring more, as Amber, jet, Coral, Crystal, and every such babble,  
That is slight pretty and pleasant, they care not to have it profitable.  
And if they demand wherefore your wares and merchandise agree,  
You must lay jeat will take up a straw, Amber will make one fat,  
Coral will look pale when you be sick, and Crystal will staunch blade,  
So with lying, flattering, and glozing you must utter your ware,  
And you shall win me to your will, if you can deceitfully swear.  Merca. 
Tinke ye not dat me have carried over corn, Ledar, Beef and Bacon too all 'tis while:  
And brought hither many babbles dese country men to beguile?  
Yes, shall me tell you Madonna, me and my countrymans have sent over,  
Bell metal for make ordinance, yea and ordinance itself beside,  
Day my country and other countries be so well furnished as dis country,  
and has never been spied.  Luc. 
New I perceive you love me, and if you continue in this still,  
You shall not only be with me, but command me when & where you will.  Merca. 
Lady, for to do all dis and more for you me be content:  
But I tinke some skall knave will put a bill in inda Parliament,  
For dat such a tings shall not be brought here.  Luc. 
Tush Mercadore, I warrant thee, thou needest not to fear  
What and one do? there is some other will flatter and say,  
They do no hurt to the country, and with a sleight fetch that bill away.  
And if they do not so, that by act of Parliament it be past,  
I knew you merchants have many a sleight and subtle cast,  
So that you will by stealth bring over great store,  
And say it was in the Realm a long time before.  
For being so many of these trifles here as there is at this day,  
You may increase them at pleasure, when you send over sea,  
And do but give the searcher an odd, bribe in his hand,  
I warrant you he will let you scape roundly with such things in and out the land  
But senior Mercadore, I pray you walk in with me,  
And as I find you kind to me, so will I savour ye,  Merca. 
Me tank my good Lady. But M. Dissimulation, here is for  
your fellows, Fraud, Usury, and Simony, and say me give it dem.  Exeunt Lucar and Mercadore, Dissim. 
I marry Sir, these bribes have welcome been,  
Good faith I perceive, Dissimulation, Fraud, Simony and Usury shall live  
In spite of Love and Conscience, though their hearts it doth grieve.  
Mas masters, he that cannot lie, cog, dissemble and flatter nowadays,  
Is not worthy to live in the world, nor in the Court to have praise.  Enter Artifex an Artificer. Art. 
I beseech you good M. Dissimulation, befriend a poor man,  
To serve Lady Lucar and sure sir. i'll consider hereafter if I can.  Dissim. 
What, consider me dost thou think that I am a bribe taker?  
Faith it lies not in me to further thy matter.  Art. 
Good M. Dissimulatten help me, I am almost quite undone,  
But yet my living hitherto with Conscience I have won,  
But my true working, my early rising and my late going to bed,  
Is scant able to find myself, wife and children dry break  
For there be such a sort of strangers in this country.  
That work fine to please the eye, though it be deceitfully,  
And that which is sleight, and seems to the eye well,  
Shall sooner than a piece of good work be proffered to sell,  
And our Englishmen be grown so foolish and nice,  
That they will not give a penny above the ordinary price.  Dissim. 
Faith I cannot help thee, 'tis my fellow Fraud must pleasure thee  
Here comes my fellow Fraud, speak to him, and i'll do what I can.  Enter Fraud. Art. 
I beseech you be good unto me right honest Gentleman.  Fraud. 
Why and whereto? what wouldst thou have me do?  Art. 
That my estate you will so much prefer,  
As to get me to be a workman to Lady Lucar:  
And sir I doubt not but to please you so well for your pain,  
That you shall think very well of me if I in her service remain.  Dissim. 
Good fellow Fraud do so much for I see he is very willing to live  
And some piece of work to thee for thy pains he will give.  Fraud. 
Well upon that condition I will but I care not so much for his gifts,  
As that he will by my name declare how he came by his great thrifts,  
And that he will set out in every kind of thing,  
That Fraud is a good husband, and great profit doth bring.  
Therefore the next piece of work that thou doest make,  
Let me see how deceitful thou wilt do it for my sake.  Art. 
Yes sir I will sir, of that be you sure,  
I'll honour your name while life doth endure.  Dissim. 
Fellow Fraud, here comes a Citizen as I deem.  Fraud. 
Nay rather a Lawyer, or some pettifogger, he doth seem.  Enter a Lawyer. Law. 
Gentleman, my earnest suit is to desire ye,  
That unto your Lady's service you would help me:  
For I am an attorney of the law and pleader at the bar,  
And have a great desire to plead for Lady Lucar.  
I have been earnest Sir, as is needful in such a case,  
For fear another come before me, and obtain my place.  
I have pleaded for Love and Conscience till I was weary,  
I had in my Clients, and many matters, that made my purse light, and my heart heavy.  
Therefore let them plead for Conscience that list for me,  
I'll plead no more for such as bring nothing but beggary.  Dissim. 
Sir, upon this condition that you'll keep men in law,  
Ten or twelve years for matters not worth a straw:  
And that you will make an ill matter seem good and firmable in deed,  
Faith I am content for me part that you shall speed.  Fraud. 
Nay fellow thou knowest that Simony and Usury hath an ill matter in law at this time,  
Naw if thou canst handle the matter so subtle and fine,  
Is to plead that ill matter good and firmable at the bar,  
Than thou shalt show thyself worthy to win Lady Lucar.  
Therefore tell me if you can and will do it or no.  
If you do it, be sure to get my lady's good will ere you go.  Dissim. 
By my honesty well remembered, I had quite forgot,  
'tis about that, a fortnight ago sell cut the matter I wot.  Law. 
Tush sir, I can make black white, and white black again,  
Tut he that will be a Lawyer, must I ave a thousand ways to feign,  
And many times we Lawyers do one befriend another,  
And let good matters slip, tut we agree like brother and brother,  
Why sir, what shall let us to wrest and turn the law as we list,  
Seeing we have them printed in the palms of our fist?  
Therefore doubt you not, but make bold report,  
That I can, and will plead their ill cause in good kind of sort.  Fraud. 
Of troth how likest thou this fellow Dissimulation?  Dissim. 
marry I like him well, he is a cunning clerk, and one of our profession.  
But come sir, go with us and we will prefer you.  Art. 
Good M. Fraud remember me.  Fraud 
Leave thy prating, I will I tell thee.  Art. 
Good M. Dissimulation think on me.  Dissim. 
Thou art too importunate and greedy.  Fraud. 
Come after dinner, or some other time when we are at leisure.  Dissim. Fraud and Lawyer exeunt. Art. 
Come after dinner, or some other time indeed,  
For full little do they think of a poor man's need:  
These fellows will do nothing for pity and love,  
And thrice happy are they that hath no need them to prove.  
God he knows the world is grown to such a stay,  
That men must use Fraud and Dissimulation too, or beg by the way.  
Therefore i'll do as the most doth, the fewest shall laugh me to scorn,  
And be a fellow amongst good fellows to hold by S. Luke's horn.  (Exit. Enter Simplicity and Sincerity. Sinc. 
Good cousin Simplicity do something for me.  Simp. 
Yes faith cousin Sincerity, i'll do any thing for thee?  
What wouldst thou have me do for thee canst tell that?  
Mass I cannot tell what shouldst do for me, except thou wouldst give me a new hat.  Sinc. 
Alas I am not able to give thee a new.  Simp. 
Why then I marvel how thou dost do:  
Dost thou get thy living amongst beggars from door do door?  
Indeed cousin sincerity, I thought thou wast not so poor.  Sinc 
Nay cousin Simplicity I got my living hardly but yet I hope just  
And with good Conscience too although I am restrained from my lust.  
But this it is cousin Simplicity, I would request you do for me:  
Which is, to get Lady Love, and Lady Conscience hand to latter:  
That by their means I may get some benefice to make me live the better  Simp. 
Yes I'll do so much for thee cousin, but hast thou any here?  Sincer. 
I behold they are ready drawn, if assigned they were.  Let Simplicity make as though he read it, and look quite over, meanwhile let Conscience enter. Simp. 
Let me see cousin, for I can read:  
Mas 'tis bravely done, didst thou it indeed?  
Mistress Conscience, I have a matter to bequest you too.  Con. 
What be't? I doubt not but 'tis some wise thing if it be for you,  Simp. 
marry my cousin Sincerity, wad bestre to scribe these papers here  
That he may get some preferment, but I know not where.  Con. 
Be these your letters? what would you have me do, and how shall I call ye?  Sinc. 
Lady, my name is Sincerity.  Con. 
And from whence came ye?  Sinc. 
I came from Oxford, but in Cambridge I studied late,  
Having nothing, thought good if I could, to make better my state.  
But if I had in stead of Divinity, the Law, Astronomy, Astrology,  
Physiognomy, Palmistry, Arithmetic, Logic, Music, physic, or any such thing,  
I had not doubted then, but to have had some better living.  
But Divines that preach the word of God sincerely and truly,  
Are in these days little or nothing set by.  
God grant the good Preachers be not taken away for our unthankfulness  
There was never more preaching and less following, the people live so amiss:  
But what is he that may not on the Sabbath day attend to hear God's word?  
But we will rather run to bowls, sit at the alehouse, than one hour afford:  
Telling a tale of Robin hood, sitting at Cards, playing at kettles, or some other vain thing,  
That I fear God's vengeance on your head it will bring.  
God grant amendment, but Lady Conscience I pray,  
In my behalf unto Lucar do what ye may.  Simp. 
Mas my cousin can say his book well, I had not thought it,  
has worthy to have a benefice, and it will hit.  Con. 
God be blessed Sincerity, for the good comfort I have of thee,  
I would it lay in us to pleasure such believe me.  
We will do what we can: But vltra posse non est esse, you know,  
It is Lucar that hath brought us poor souls so low.  
For we have sold our house, we are brought so poor,  
And fear by her shortly to be shut out of door.  
Yet to subscribe our name we will with all our heart,  
Perchance for our sake some thing she will impart:  
Come hither Simplicity, let me write on thy back.  Simp. 
Here is the right picture of that fellow that sits in the corner.  Enter Hospitality while she is a writing. Hospi. 
Lady, methinks you are busy.  Con. 
I have done sir, I was setting my hand to a letter to Lucar for our friend Sincerity. But I would lady Love were here too.  Hosp. 
She is at home with me, but if it please you, so much in her behalf i'll do.  Con. 
I pray you heartily, and it shall suffice that turn well enough:  
Good Simplicity, once more thy body do bow.  Simp. 
I think you'll make me serve to be a washing block for you.  
I would do it for you, but am afraid yonder boy will mock me.  Hos. 
No i'll warrant thee.  Con. 
Here take thy letters Sincerity, & prosperous be they to thee.  Sinc. 
I yield you most hearty thanks my good lady.  Hosp. 
I Conscience, pleaseth it you to walk home and dine with me.  Con. 
Thanks my good friend Hospitality.  
But tell me sir, have you invited to dinner any strangers?  Hos. 
No sure, none but lady Love, and three or four honest neighbours.  Simp. 
Mas my lady is gotten to dinner already,  
I believe she rose at ten of clock she is so hungry.  
What if I should come to dinner, is there any good cheer?  Hos. 
There's bread & bear, one joint of meat, & welcome thy best fare.  Simp. 
Why, art thou called Hospitality, & hast no better cheer than that  
Faith and thou hast no more meat for so many, they'll near be fat,  
what if my cozen nay myself alone to dinner should come?  
where should my lady and the rest dine? for I would eat up every crumb.  
Thou art an old miser dost thou keep no better fare in thy house?  
Hast no great bag pudding, nor hogs face, that is called sowse  Hosp. 
My friend, Hospitality doth not consist in great fare and banqueting.  
But in doing good unto the poor, and to yield them some refreshing.  
Therefore if thou and Sincerity will come and take part,  
Such as there is i'll give you with a free and willing heart.  Exeunt Hospitality and Conscience. Simp. 
He speaks well cousin, let's go to dinner with him.  
the old man shall not think but we will pleasure him.  
Faith he might have richer fellows to take his part,  
But he shall never have better eating fellows if he would swelte his heart.  
Here be they that will eat with the proudest of them.  
For my mother said I could eat as much as five men.  
Nay I am sure the gift of eating is given to me,  
For our Maids would never believe I put all the meat in my belly,  
But yonder comes a Knave, my lady Lucars cogging man,  
Give me your letters cousin, i'll prefer you if I can.  Enter Dissimulation. Sinc. 
Dissimulation, out upon him, he shall be no spokeman for me.  Simp. 
Why then you are a fool cousin Sincerity,  
Give me am then, for I know he'll do it for me,  sinc. 
Seeing thou wilt have it, here receive it, but it grieves my heart that this dissembling wretch should speak on my part.  simp. 
Hear ye sir, I would request to liver this letter, to your good wholesome mistars lady Lucar.  Dissim. 
Where hadst thou it tell me?  simp. 
marry of my cousin Sincerity.  Dissim 
Why I have nothing to do in it, 'tis not to me thou should come  
I have not to do with Sincerities matters, 'tis my fellow Simonies room.  sinc. 
Thou art a kin to the lawyer, thou wilt do nothing without a fee,  
But thou, Fraud, Usury, nor yet Simony shall have nothing of me.  
And thou wilt do it, do it, and thou wilt not choose:  
Both thee and their dealing I hate and refuse.  Dissim 
Why, and I am not bound to thee so far as knave go,  
And therefore in despite of thee and thy cousin, there thy letters be,  
What, thinkst thou by captious words to make me do it?  
Let them deliver your letters that hath a stomach to it  simp. 
Faith cousin, has such a tester in and semblation knave;  
that he'll do nothing les some bribery he have.  
There's a great many such promoting knaves that gets their living,  
With nothing else but facing, lying, swearing and flattering.  
Why he has a face like a black dog, and blusheth like the back side of a chimney.  
I was not for nothing thy Godfathers a cogging name gave thee.  Enter Lady Lucar. 
But here comes his mistress lady Lucar,  
Now cousin i'll liver your letter.  
Mistress lady Lucar, here's a letter for ye.  Lucar. 
Hast thou a letter for me?  simp. 
Yes by saint Mary.  
How say you cousin, she reads your letter?  
And you can flatter, perhaps you shall speed better.  sinc. 
Thou speakst the truth Simplicity, for flatterers nowadays, live Gentlemen-like, and with prating get praise.  Lucar. 
Sir, I have read the tenor of your letter, wherein I find,  
that at the request of Love and Conscience I should show myself kind,  
And bestow some spiritual living on you, parsonage, or benefice,  
For you stand greatly in need, as appears by this.  
And trust me would do for you, but it lies not in me,  
For all such matters are referred to my servant Simony.  
You must speak to him, and if you can get his good will,  
then be sure of mine, their minds to fulfil.  sinc. 
Lady, I shall never get his goodwill for want of ability,  
For he will do nothing except one bring money.  
And if you grant it not, than it is past all doubt,  
I shall be never the nearer, but go quite without.  Dissim. 
Madam, i'll tell you what you may give,  
Not hurting yourself whereby he may live,  
And without my fellow Simonies consent,  
If to follow my mind you are any whit bent.  Lucar. 
Pray thee what is it? for thou knowest while for their house I am bargaining,  
And it be never so little, I must seem to do something.  Dissim. 
Why, have not you the parsonage of S. Nihal to bestow?  
if you give him that, Simony shall never know.  Lucar. 
Thou sayest true indeed: draw near Sincerity,  
Lo for their sakes I will bestow frankly on thee,  
The parsonage of saint Nihil i'll give thee to pleasure them withal,  
And such another to it, if thou watch till it fall.  simp. 
My lady axes you when you will take possession of your house, and lend the rest of the money.  Lucar. 
What are they so hasty? belike they spent it merrily.  simp. 
Faith no, for they would eat it if they could get it, when they are a hungry.  
But you may be happy, for you have sped well today  (speaking to Sincerity 
You may thank God and good company that you came this way,  
The parsonage of S. Michel's, by'r Lady if you have nothing else,  
you shall be sure of a living, beside a good ring of Bells.  
Cousin, i'll tell thee what thou shalt do, sell the bells and make money,  sinc. 
Thou mayest well be Simplicity for thou showest thy folly.  
I have a parsonage, but of what? of saint Nihil, and Nihil is nothing.  
Then where is the Church, or any Bells for to ring?  
Thou understandest her not, she was set for to flout,  
I thought coming in their names I should go without,  
'tis call to see that Lucar loves not Love and Conscience:  
But God I trust will one day yield her just recompense.  simp. 
cozen, you said that some thing to me you would give,  
When you had gotten preferment of Lucar to live:  
And I trust you will remember your poor cozen simplicity,  
you know to lady Conscience and cry body I did speak for you.  sinc. 
Good Simplicity hold thy peace, my state is yet nought,  
I will help thee sure, if ever I get caught.  
But here comes sir Nicholas Nemo, to him I will go,  
And see if for their sakes he will any thing bestow.  Enter sir Nicholas Nemo. Nemo. 
You come from Love and Conscience, as seemeth me here,  
My special good friends, whom I account of most dear,  
And you are called Sincerity, your state shows the same,  
you are welcome to me for their sakes, and for your own name,  
And for their sakes you shall set what I will do for you,  
Without Dissimulation, Fraud, Usury, or Simony:  
For they will do nothing without some kind of gain,  
such cankered corruption in their hearts doth remain.  
But come in to dinner with me, and when you have dined, you shall have.  Presently go out. Sinc. 
You shall have, but what? a living that is blown down with the wind.  Simp. 
Now cousin dismember your friends, seeing two livings you have  
One that this man promised, and another that lady Lucar gave.  
Mass you'll be a jolly man and you had three or four more,  
Let's beg apace cousin, and we shall get us great store.  
Do thou get some more letters, and i'll get them scribed of mistars Love and Conscience,  
And we'll go beg livings together, we'll beg no small pence.  
How sayest thou cousin wilt do so much?  
If we can speak fair and semble, we shall be plaguy rich.  Sinc. 
Good Simplicity content thee, I am never the better for this,  
But of force must leave off, seeing how vain it is:  
Nor boots it sincerity to look for relief.  
So few regard that to me is a grief.  
This was Nicholas Nemo, and no man hath no place.  
then how can I speed well in this kind of case?  
And no man bid me to dinner, when shall I dine?  
Or how shall I find him, where, when, and at what time?  
wherefore the relief had and to be had is small,  
But to speak truth, the relief is nothing at all.  
But come Simplicity, let us go see what may be had,  
Sincerity in these days was sure borne to be sad.  Simp. 
Come let's go to dinner cousin, for the Gentleman I think hath  
almost dined.  
But if I get victuals enough i'll warrant you i'll not be behind.  sinc. 
What if thou canst not get it, then how wilt thou eat?  simp. 
marry on this fashion, with both hands at once, ye shall see when I get meat.  sinc. 
why his name was Nemo, and Nemo hath no being.  simp. 
I believe cousin you be not hungry, that you stand prating,  
Faith i'll go do him a pleasure, because the hath need.  
why and he'll needs have meat eat, 'a shall see how i'll feed,  
I believe he will not did me come again to him,  
Mass and he do, 'a shall find a fellow that has his eating.  Exeunt ambo. Enter Usury and Conscience. Vsu. 
Lady Conscience, is there anybody within your house can you tell?  Con. 
There is nobody at all be ye sure, I know certainly well.  Vsu. 
You know when one comes to take possession of any piece of land  
There must not be one within, for against the order of law it doth stand.  
Therefore I thought good to ask you, but I pray you think not amiss:  
For both you, and almost all other knows, that an old custom it is.  Con. 
You say truth, take possession when you please, good leave have ye  
Doubt you not, there is neither man, woman, nor child, that will or shall hinder you.  Vsu. 
Why then I will boldly enter.  Exit. Con. 
Who is more bold than Usury to venture?  
He maketh the matter dangerous where is no need at all,  
But he thinks it no perilous to seek every man's fall:  
Both he and Lucar hath so pinched us, we know not what to do,  
Were it not for Hospitality, we knew not whither to go.  
Great is the misery that we poor ladies abide,  
And much more is the cruelty of Lucar and Usury beside.  
O Conscience, thou art not accounted of, O Love, thou art little set by,  
For almost every one, true love, and pure conscience doth deny:  
So hath Lucar crept into the bosom of man, woman and child,  
That every one doth practise his dear friend to beguile.  
But God grant Hospitality be not by them over priest,  
In whom all our stay and chiefest comfort doth rest:  
But Usury hates Hospitality and cannot him abide,  
Because he for the poor and comfortless doth provide.  
Here he comes, that hath undone many an honest man,  
And daily seeks to destroy, deface, and bring to ruin if he can.  
Now sir, have you took possession as your dear lady wild your  Enter Usury. Vsu. 
I have done, and I think you have received your money,  
But this to you: my lady willed me to bid you provide some other house out of hand,  
For she would not by her will have Love and Conscience to dwell on her land:  
Therefore 'tis best to provide yer  
So shall you save charges, for a less house may serve it.  Con. 
I pray you heartily let us stay there, and we will be content  
to give you ten pound a year, which is the old rent.  Vsu. 
Ten pound a year, that were a state jest,  
If I should take the old rent to follow your request:  
Nay after forty pound a year you shall have it for a quarter,  
And you may think too, you are befriended in this matter:  
But no longer than for a quarter to you i'll set it,  
For my lady perhaps will sell it, or to some other will let it.  Con. 
Well, sith we are driven to this hard and bitter drift,  
We accept it, and are contended to make bare and hard shift.  Vsu. 
Then get you gone, and see at a day your rent be ready.  Con. 
We must have patience perforce, seeing there is no remedy.  Exit Conscience. Vsu. 
What a fool was I to let it so reasonable?  
I might so well have had after threescore, as such a trifle,  
For seeing they were distressed they would have given largely.  
I was a right sot, but i'll be overseen no more believe me.  Enter Mercadore. Merca. 
Ah my good a friend M. Usury, be my trot you be very well met:  
Me be much beholding to you for your good will, me be in your debt.  
But a me take a your part so mich against a scal shurle called Hospitality:  
Did speak against you, and says you bring good honest men to beggary.  Vsu. 
I thank you sir, did he speak such evil of me as now you say?  
I doubt not but to reward him for his treachery one day.  Merca. 
But I pray tell a me how fare a my lady all dis while?  Vsu. 
marry well sir, and here she comes if myself I do not beguile.  Enter Lucar. Luc. 
What signior Mercadore, I have not seen you this many a day,  
I marvel what is the cause you kept so long away  Merca. 
Shall me say to you Madama, dat me have had such business for you in hand,  
For send away good commodities out of dis little country England:  
Me have now sent over brass, copper pewter, and many other ting,  
And for dat me sall ha' for Gentlewoman's fine trifles, that great profit will bring.  Lucar. 
I perceive you have been mindful of me, for which I thank ye:  
But Usury tell me, how have you sped in that you went about?  Vsu. 
Indifferently Lady, you need not to doubt,  
I have taken possession, and because they were destitute,  
I have let it for a quarter my tale to conclude.  
Marry I have a little raised the rent, but it is but after forty pound by the year:  
But if it were to let now, would let it more dear.  Luc 
Indeed it is but a trifle, it makes no matter,  
I force it not greatly, being but for a quarter.  Merca. 
Madonna me a you vat you sall do, let dem to stranger dat are content,  
To dwell in a little room, and pay much rent:  
For you know da Frenchman's and Flemings in dis country be many,  
So dat they make shift to be ten houses in one very gladly.  
And be content a for pay fifty or threescore pound a year,  
For dat which da englishman's say twenty mark is too dear.  Luc. 
Why signior Mercadore, think you not that I  
Have infinite numbers in London that my want doth supply.  
Beside in Bristol, Northampton, Norwich, Westchester, Canterbury,  
Dover, Sandwich, Rye, Porchmouth, Plymouth, and many more,  
That great rents upon little room do bestow.  
Yes I warrant you, and truly I may thank the strangers for this,  
That they have made houses so dear, whereby I live in bliss.  
But signior Mercadore, dare you to travel undertake:  
And go amongst the moors, Turks, and Pagans for my sake?  Merca. 
madonna, me dare go to de Turks, moors, Pagans, and more too,  
What do me care and me go to da great devil for you.  
Command a me Madonna, and you sall see plain,  
Data for your sake me refusa no pain.  Luc. 
Then signior Mercadore I am forthwith to send ye  
From hence, to search for some new toys in Barbary or in Turkey,  
Such trifles as you think will please wantons best:  
For you know in this country 'tis their chiefest request.  Merca. 
Indeed de gentlewoman's here buy so much vain toys,  
Dat me strangers laugh a to tinke wherein da have deir joys.  
Fair Madonna me will search all da strange countries me can tell,  
But me will have sush tings dat please dese gentlewoman's vell.  Luc. 
Why then let us provide things ready to haste you away.  Merca. 
A voutro commaundemento Madonna me obey.  Exeunt. Enter Simony, and Peter Pleaseman like a Priest. Sym. 
Now proceed with thy tale and i'll heart thee.  Peter. 
And so sir as I was about to tell you,  
This same Presco, and this some Cracko, be both my parishioners now  
And sir they fell out marvelously about you:  
The same Cracko took your part, and said that the Clergy  
Was maintained by you, and upholden very worshipfully.  
So sir, Presco he would not grant that in any case,  
But said that you did corrupt the clergy, and dishonour that holy place.  
Now sir I was weary to hear them at such great strife,  
For I love to please men so long as I have life:  
Therefore I beseech your mastership to speak to Lady Lucar,  
That I may be her Chaplain, or else to serve her.  Sym. 
What is your name?  Peter. 
Sir Peter.  Sym. 
What more?  Peter. 
Forsooth Pleaseman.  Sym. 
Then your name is sir Peter Pleaseman.  Peter. 
Yea forsooth.  Sym. 
And please woman too now and then,  Peter. 
You know that homo is indifferent.  sym. 
Now surely a good scholar in my judgement,  
I pray you of what University were ye?  Peter. 
Di no University truly.  
marry I have gone to school in a College, where I have studied two or three places of Divinity:  
And all for lady Lucars sake, sir you may steadfastly believe me.  Sym. 
Nay I believe ye, but of what religion are you can ye tell?  Peter. 
marry sir of all religions, I know not myself very well.  Symo. 
You are a Protestant now, and I think to that now will grant  Peter. 
Indeed I have been a Catholic, marry now for the most part a Protestant.  
But and if my service may please her, hark in your care sir,  
I warrant you my religion shall not offend her.  Symo. 
You say well, but if I help you to such great preferment,  
Would you be willing for my pain,  
I shall have yearly half the gain.  
For it is reason you know that if I help you to a living,  
That you should unto me be somewhat beholding,  Peter. 
Yea sir, and reason good, i'll be as your mastership please,  
I care not what you do, so I may live at ease.  Sym. 
Then this man is answered, sir Peter pleasman come with me  
And i'll prefer you straight way to my lady.  Peter. 
Oh sir I thank it.  Exeunt. Enter Simplicity with a basket on his arm. Simp. 
You think I am going to market to buy roast meat, do ye not?  
But see how you are deceived, for well I wot,  
I am neither going to the Butchers to buy mutton, veal nor beef,  
But am going to a bloodsucker, and who is it? faith Usury that thief.  
Why sirs, 'twas no marckle he undood my father that was called Plain dealing,  
when he has undone my Lady and Conscience too with his usuring.  
Trust him not sirs, for he'll flatter bonation and sore,  
till he has gotten the baker's vantage, then he'll turn you out of door.  Enter Dissimulation. Dissim. 
Simplicity, now of mine honesty very heartily well met,  simp. 
What Semblation swear not, for thou swearest by that thou couldst never get:  
Thou have honesty now? thy honesty is quite gone:  
Marry thou hadst honesty at xi. of clock, but it went from you ere noon:  
why, how canst thou have honesty, when it dare not come me thee?  
I warrant Semblation, he that has less honesty than thou, may defy thee:  
thou hast honesty sir reverence, come out dog, where art thou?  
even as much honesty as hath my mother's great hoggish sow:  
No faith thou mayst put out mine eye with honesty, & thou hadst it here,  
Hast not left it at the alehouse in gage for a pot of strong beer?  Dissim. 
Pray thee leave prating Simplicity, and tell me what thou hast there?  Simp. 
Why, 'tis nothing for thee, thou dost not deal with such kind of ware.  
Sirrah there is no deceit in a bag pudding, is there? nor in a plain pudding pie:  
Sirrah i'll tell thee, I will not tell thee, and yet i'll tell thee, now I member me too:  
Canst tell, or wouldst know whither with this parliament I go?  
Faith even to suckswill thy fellow Usury I am sent,  
With my lady Loves gown, and lady Conscience too, for a quarter's rent.  Dissim. 
Alas poor lady Love, art thou driven so low?  
Some little pittance on thee i'll bestow.  
Hold Simplicity, carry her three or four Ducats from me,  
And commend me to her even very heartily.  simp. 
Duck eggs, yes i'll carry them, and 'twere as many as this would hold.  Dissim. 
Tush thou knowest not what I mean, take this, 'tis gold.  simp. 
Mas 'tis gold indeed, why, wilt lend away thy gold, hast thou no more need?  
I think thou art grown plaguy rich with thy dissembling trade,  
But i'll carry my lady the gold, for this will make her well apaid.  Dissim. 
And Sir, carry lady loves gown back again, for my fellow Usury  
Shall not have her gown, I am sure so much he will befriend me.  simp. 
But what shall Conscience gown do, shall I carry it back again too?  Dissim. 
Nay, let Conscience gown and skin to Usury go.  
If nobody cared for Conscience more than I,  
They would hang her up like bacon in a chimney to dry.  simp. 
Faith I told thee thou caredst not for Conscience nor honesty:  
I think indeed it will never be the death of thee.  
But i'll go conspatch my arrant so soon as I can tell ye,  
For now I ha' gold, I would fain have some good meat in my belly.  Exit. Dissim. 
Nay i'll hie me after, that I may send back lady Loves gown.  
For I would not have Love bought quite out of town.  
marry for Conscience tut, I care not two straws,  
Why I should take care for her, I know no kind of cause.  Exit. Enter Hospitality. Hosp. 
Oh what shall I say? Usury hath undone me, and now he hates me to the death.  
And seeks by all means possible for to bereave me of breath.  
I cannot rest in any place, but he hunts and follows me everywhere.  
That I know no place to abide, I live so much in fear.  
But out alas, here comes he that will shorten my days,  Enter Usury. Vsu. 
O have I caught your old grey beard you be the man whom the people so praise:  
You are a frank Gentleman, and full of liberality.  
Why, who had all the praise in London or England, but M. Hospitality?  
But i'll master you now i'll hold you a groat.  Hos. 
What will you kill me?  Vsu. 
No, i'll do nothing but cut thy throat.  Hos. 
O help, help, help for God's sake.  Enter Conscience running apace. Con. 
What lamentable cry was that I heard one make?  Hos. 
O lady Conscience, now or never help me.  Con. 
why, what wilt thou do with him Usury?  Vsu. 
what will I do with him? marry cut his throat and then no more  Con. 
O dost thou not remember that thou shalt dearly answer for  
Hospitality that good member, reframe it therefore.  Vsu. 
Refrain me no refraining nor answer me no answering,  
The matter is answered well enough in this thing,  Con. 
For God's sake spare him, for country sake spare him, for pity sake  
spare him; for love sake spare him, for Conscience sake forbear him.  Vsu. 
Let country, pity, Love, Conscience, & all go in respect of myself,  
He shall die, come ye feeble wretch, i'll dress ye like an elf.  Con. 
But yet Usury, consider the lamentable cry of the poor,  
For lack of Hospitality, fatherless children are turned out of door.  
Consider again the complaint of the sick, blind and lame,  
That will cry unto the Lord for vengeance on thy head in his name.  
Is the fear of God so far from thee that thou hast no feeling at all?  
O repent Usury, leave Hospitality, and for mercy at the Lords hand call.  Vsu. 
Leave prating Conscience, thou canst not mollify my heart,  
He shall in despite of thee and all other feel his deadly smart.  
Yet i'll not commit the murder openly,  
But hale the villain into a corner, and so kill him secretly.  
Come ye miserable drudge, and receive thy death.  Hale him in. Hos. 
Help good lady, help, he will stop my breath.  Con. 
Alas I would help thee, but I have not the power.  Hos. 
Farewell lady Conscience, you shall have Hospitality in London nor England no more.  Con. 
O help, help help some good body.  Enter Dissimulation and Simplicity hastily. Dissim. 
Who is that calls for help so hastily?  Con. 
Out alas thy fellow Usury hath killed Hospitality.  Simp. 
Now God's blessing on his heart, why 'twas time he were dead,  
He was an old churl, with never a good tooth in his head.  
And he near kept no good cheer that I could see:  
For if one had not come at dinner time he should have gone away hungry.  
I could never get my belly full of meat,  
He had nothing but beef, bread and cheese for me to eat.  
Now I would have had some Pies or bag puddings with great lumps of fat:  
But he did keep my mouth well enough from that.  
Faith and he be dead, he is dead, let him go to the devil and he will.  
Or if he will not go thither, let him even lie there still.  
I'll near make a lamentation for an old churl,  
For he has lived a great while, and now 'tis time that he were out of the world.  Enter Lucr. Luc. 
What Conscience, thou look'st like a poor pigeon pulled of late.  Con. 
what Lucar, thou look'st like a whore full of deadly hate.  Luc. 
Alas Conscience, I am sorry for thee, but cannot weep.  Con. 
Alas Lucar, I am sorry for thee that thou canst no honesty keep:  
But such as thou art, such are thy attenders on thee,  
As appears by thy servant Usury, that hath killed that good member Hospitality.  Simp. 
Faith Hospitality is killed and hath made his will,  
And hath given Dissimulation three trees upon a high hill.  Luc. 
Come hither Dissimulation, and hie you hence so fast as you may  
And help thy fellow Usury to convey himself out of the way,  
Further, will the justices, if they chance to see him, not to know him.  
Or know him, not by any means to hinder him.  
And they shall command thrice so much at my hand.  
Go trudge, run out away, how dost thou stand?  Dissim. 
Nay good lady, send my fellow Simony,  
For I have an earnest suit to ye.  Luc. 
Then Simony go do what I have wild.  Sym. 
I run Madam your mind shall be fulfilled.  exit. Con. 
Well well Lucar, uideo & taceo, I see and say nothing:  
But I fear the plague of God on thy head it will bring.  Dissim. 
Good lady grant that Love be your waiting maid,  
For I think being brought so low, she will be well apaid.  Luc. 
Speakest thou in good earnest, or dost thou but dissemble?  
I know not how to have thee, thou art so variable.  Dissim. 
Lady, though my name be Dissimulation, yet I speak bona fide now,  
If it please you my petitions to allow.  Enter Simony. Luc. 
Stand by, i'll answer thee anon: what news Simony  
Bringest thou of thy fellow Usury?  Sym. 
marry madam good news: for Usury has close  
Hid in a rich man's house, that will not let him lose,  
Until they see the matter brought to a good end,  
For Usury in this country hath many a good friend:  
And late I saw Hospitality carried to burying.  Luc. 
I pray thee tell me who were they that followed him?  sym. 
There were many of the clergy and many of the nobility  
And many right worshipful rich Citizens,  
Substantial, gracious and very wealthy farmers.  
But to see how the poor followed him it was a wonder,  
Never yet at any burial was seen such a number.  Luc. 
But what say the people to the murder?  sym. 
Many are sorry, and say 'tis great pity that he was slain:  
But who be they? the poor beggarly people that so complain:  
As for the other they say 'twas a cruel bloody fact,  
But I perceive none will hinder the murderer for this cruel act.  Luc. 
'tis well, I am glad of it, now Dissimulation if thou canst get loves good will.  
I am contented with all my heart to grant there until.  Dissim. 
Thanks to you lady, and I doubt not but she  
With a little entreaty will thereto agree.  simp 
Now I have it in my breeches, and very well can tell,  
That I and my lady with mistars Lucar shall dwell.  
But if I be her serving fellow, and dwell there,  
I must learn to cog lie, foist and swear.  
And surely I shall never learn, marry and 'twere to lie a-bed all day,  
To that kind of lying I should give a good say.  
Or if 'twere to eat one's meat, than I knew what for to do.  
How say you sirrah, can I not, i'll be drudge by you?  Luc. 
Now to you little mouse, did I not tell you before,  
That I should ere 'twere long turn you both out of door?  
How say you pretty soul, be't come to pass, yea or no?  
methinks I have pulled your peacocks plumes somewhat low.  
And yet you be so stout as though you felt no grief,  
But ere it be long you will come puling to me for relief.  Con. 
Well Lucar well, you know pride will have a fall:  
What availeth it thee to win the world, and lose thy soul withal  
Yet better it is to live with little, and keep a conscience clear.  
Which is to God a sacrifice, and accounted of most dear.  Luc. 
Nay Conscience, and you be bookish I'll leave ye,  
And the cold ground to comfort your feet i'll bequeath ye.  
methink you being so deeply learned, may do well to keep a school.  
Why, I have seen so cunning a clerk in time to prove a fool.  Exeunt Lucar and Simony. Simp. 
Sirrah, if thou shouldst marry my Lady thou wouldst keep her brave.  
For methinks thou art a plaguy rich knave.  Dissim. 
Rich I am, but as for knave keep to thyself.  
Come give me my Lady's gown thou ass-headed elf.  simp. 
Why i'll go with thee, for I must dwell with my Lady.  Dissim. 
Pack hence away, Jack Drum's entertainment, she will none of thee.  Simp. Simp. 
This is as my cousin and I went to M. Nemo's house,  
There was no man to aid a dog drink, or to change a man a louse,  
But lady Conscience (nay who there) scratch that name away,  
Can she be a lady that is turned out of all her array?  
Do not be called no more lady, and if you be wise,  
For everybody will mock you, and say you be not worth two butter flies.  Con. 
What remedy Simplicity? I cannot do withal:  
But what shall we go do? or whereto shall we fall?  Simpl. 
Why to our victuals, what else have we to do?  
And mark if I cannot eat twenty times so much as you.  Con. 
If I go lie in an Inn, it will grieve me to see,  
The deceit of the Ostler, the polling of the Tapster, as in most houses of lodging they be,  
If in a brewer's house, at the sure plenty of water, and scarceness of malt  
I should grieve,  
whereby to enrich themselves, all other with unsavoury thin drink they deceive.  
If in a eannets house, with his great deceit in tanning,  
If in a weavers house, with his great cozening in weaving.  
If in a baker's house, with light bread, and very evil working.  
If in a chandler's with deceitful weights, false measures, selling for a halfpenny that is scant worth a farthing.  
And if in an Alehouse, with the great resort of poor unthrifts, that with swearing at the Cards consume their lives,  
Having greater delight to spend a shilling that way, than a groat at home to sustain their needy children and wives.  
For which I judge it best form to get some solitary place,  
where I may with patience this my heavy cross embrace,  
And learn to sell broom, whereby to get my living,  
Using that as a quiet mean to keep myself from begging:  
wherefore Simplicity if thou wilt do the like,  
settle thyself to it, and with true labour thy living do seek.  Exit Conscience. Simp. 
No faith M. Conscience i'll not for and I should sell broom, the Maids would cozen me too competually with their old shone.  
And too I cannot work, and you would hang me out of the way.  
For when I was a miller, Will did grind the meal while I did play.  
Therefore i'll have as easy an occupation as I had when my Father was alive,  
Faith i'll go even a-begging, why 'tis a good trade a man shall be sure to thrive.  
For I am sure my prayers will get bread and cheese, and my singing will get me drink.  
Then shall not I do better than M. Conscience? tell me as you think.  
Therefore God Pan in the Kitchen, and God Pot in the buttery,  
Come and resist me, that I may sing with the more meliosity.  
But sire, mark my called countenance when I begin,  
But yonder is a fellow that gapes to bite me, or else to eat that which I sing.  
Why thou art a fool, canst not thou keep thy mouth straight together  
And when it comes snap at it as my father's dog would do at a liver.  
But thou art so greedy,  
That thou thinkest to eat it before it come nigh thee.  Simplicity sings 
Simplicity sings, and experience doth prove,  
No biding in London for Conscience and Love,  
The Country hath no pear.  
Where Conscience comes not once a year  
And Love so welcome to every town,  
as wind that blows the houses down.  
Sing down adown, down, down, down.  
Simplicity sings it, and spertence doth prove,  
No dwelling in London, no biding in London for Conscience and Love.  Simp. 
Now sirrah, hast eaten up my song? and ye have ye shall eat no more today,  
For everybody may see your belly is grown bigger with eating up our play.  
He has filled his belly but I am never a whit the better,  
Therefore i'll go seek some victuals, and member for eating up my song you shall be my debtor.  Enter Mercadorus the Merchant, and Gerontus a Jew. Geron, 
But signior Mercadorus tell me, did ye serve me well or no?  
That having gotten my money would seem the country to forego:  
You know I lent you two thousand ducats for three months space,  
And ere the time came you got another thousand by flattery, and thy smooth face.  
So when the time came that I should have received my money,  
You were not to be found, but were fled out of the country,  
Surely if we that be Jews should deal so one with another,  
We should not be trusted again of our own brother  
But many of you Christians make no conscience to falsify your faith and break your day.  
I should have been paid at three months end, and now it is two year you have been away.  
Well I am glad you be come again to Turkey now I trust I shall receive  
the interest of you so well as the principal  Merca. 
A good a master Geronto pray heartily bore a me a little while,  
And me shall pay ye all without any deceit or guile:  
Me have much business for buy pretty knacks to send to England.  
Good sir, bear a me four five days, meal dispatch your money out of hand.  Geron. 
signior Mercadore, I know no reason why, because you have dealt with me so ill,  
Sure you did it not for need, but of set purpose and will:  
And to bear with ye four or five days goes sore against my mind,  
lest you should steal away, and forget to leave my money behind.  Merca. 
Pra heartily do think no such ting my good friend a me,  
Be me trot and fact meal pay you all every penny.  Geron. 
I'll take your faith and troth once more, & trust to your honesty  
In hope that for my long tarrying you will deal well with me.  
Tell me what good ware for England you do lack.  Merca. 
O no lack some pretty fine toy, or some fantastic new knack  
For da Gentlewoman's in England buy much tings for fantasies  
You pleasure a me sir, vat me mean a dare buy.  Geron. 
I understand you sir, but keep touch with me, and i'll bring you to great store,  
Such as I know you came to this country for  
As Musk, Amber, sweet Powders, fine odours pleasant perfumes, and many such toys,  
Wherein I perceive consisteth that country Gentlewoman's joys.  
Besides I have Diamonds, Rubies, Emeralds, sapphires, Smaradines,  
Opals Onacles, Jacinths, Agates, turquoise, and almost  
of all kind of precious stones:  
And many fit things to suck money from such green headed wantonness.  Merca. 
Fatta me good friend me tank you most heartily always,  
Me shall a content your debt within dis two or three day.  Geron. 
Well, see you hold your promise, and another tune you shall command me.  
Come, go we home, where our commodities you may at pleasure see,  Enter Conscience, with brooms at her back, singing as followeth. 
New brooms, green brooms, will you buy any,  
Come maidens, come quickly, let me take a penny.  
My brooms are not steeped,  
but very well bound:  
My brooms be not crooked,  
out smooth cut and round.  
I wish it should please you  
to buy of my broom,  
Then would it well case me,  
if market were done.  
Have you any old boots,  
or any old shoes:  
Pouch rings or Bufkins,  
to cope for new broom.  
If so you have maidens,  
I pray you bring hither:  
That you and I friendly  
may bargain together.  
New brooms, green brooms, will you buy any:  
Come Maidens, come quickly, let me take a penny.  Conscience speaketh. 
Thus am I driven to make a virtue of necessity,  
And seeing God almighty will have it so. I embrace it thankfully  
Desiring God to mollify and lesten Usuries hard heart,  
That the poor people feel not the like penury and smart:  
But Usury to made tolerable amongst Christians as a necessary thing  
So that going beyond the limits of our law, they extort, and many to misery bring.  
But if we should follow God's law, we should not receive above that we lend.  
For if we lend for reward how can we say we are our neighbours french  
O how blessed shall that man be that lends without abuse:  
But thrice accursed shall he be that greatly covets use:  
For he that covets over much insatiate is his mind,  
So that to perjury and cruelty he wholly is inclined:  
Wherewith they sore oppress the poor, by divers sundry ways,  
Which makes them cry unto the Lord to shorten cutthroats days:  
Paul calleth them thieves that doth not give the needy of their store,  
And thrice accursed are they that take one penny from the poor,  
But while I stand reasoning thus I forget my market clean,  
And sith God hath ordained this way, I am to use the mean,  Sing again. 
Have ye any old shoes, or have ye any boots, have ye any bufkins, or will ye buy any broom.  
Who bargains or chops with Conscience, what will no customer come?  Enter Usury. Vsu. 
Who is it that cries brooms, what Conscience selling brooms  
above the street?  Con. 
What Usury, it is great pity thou art unhanged yet.  Vsu. 
Believe me Conscience, it grieves me thou art brought so low.  Con. 
Believe me Usury it grieves me thou wast not hanged long ago  
For if thou hadst been hanged before thou slewest Hospitality,  
Thou hadst not made me and thousands more to feel the like poverty.  Enter Lucar. Luc. 
methought I heard one cry brooms along the door.  Vsu. 
I marry Madam it was Conscience, who seems to be offended  
at me very sore.  Luc. 
Alas Conscience art thou become a poor broom wife?  Con. 
Alas Lucar, wilt thou continue a harlot all days of thy life?  Luc. 
Alas methinks it is a grief to thee that thou art so poor.  Con. 
Alas Lucar, methinks it is no pain to thee that thou still platest the whore.  Luc. 
Well well Conscience, that sharp tongue of thine hath not been thy furtherance.  
If thou hadst kept thy tongue, thou hadst kept thy friend, and not have had such hindrance.  
But wottest thou who shall be married tomorrow?  
Love with my Dissimulation:  
For I think to bid the guess, they are by this time well nigh gone,  
And having occasion to buy brooms, I care not if I buy them all.  Con. 
Then give me a shilling, and with a good will have them you shall.  Luc. 
Usury, carry in these brooms, and give them to the maid.  
For I know of such store she will be well apaid.  Exit Usury with the brooms. 
Hold Conscience, though thy brooms be not worth a quarter so much,  
Yet to give thee a piece of gold I do it not grudge:  
And if thou wouldst follow my mind, thou shouldst not live in such sort,  
But pass thy days with pleasure store of every kind of sport.  Con. 
I think you lead the world in a string, for everybody follows you,  
And sith every one doth it, why may not I do it too:  
For that I see your free heart, and great liberality,  
I marvel not that all people are so willing to follow ye.  Luc. 
Then sweet soul, mark what I would have thee do for me,  
That is to deck up thy poor Cottage handsomely:  
And for that purpose I have five thousand crowns in store,  
And when it is spent thou shalt have twice so much more.  
But only see thy rooms be neat when I shall thither resort,  
With familiar friends to pass the time in sport:  
For the Deputy, Constable, and spiteful neighbours do spy, pry, and eye about my house:  
That I dare not be once merry within, but still mute like a mouse.  Con. 
My good lady Lucar, I will fulfil your mind in every kind of thing.  
So that you shall be welcome at all hours, whosoever you bring.  
And all the dogs in the town shall not bark at your doings I trow,  
For your full pretence and intent I do thoroughly know,  
Even so well as if you had opened the very secrets of your heart,  
For which I doubt not but to rest in your favour by my desert.  
But here comes your man Usury.  Enter Usury. Luc. 
I'll send him home for the money.  
Usury, step in and bring me the box of all abomination that stands in the window:  
It is little and round, painted with divers colours, and is pretty to the  
show.  Vsu. 
Madam, is there any superscription thereon?  Luc. 
Have I not told you the name: for shame get you gone.  
Well my wench, I doubt not but our pleasures shall excel,  
Seeing thou hast got a corner fit where few neighbours dwell,  
And they be of the poorest sort which sits our turn so right:  
Because they dare not speak against our sports and sweet delight,  
And if they should (alas) their words would nought at all be weighed,  
And for to speak before my face, they will be all afraid.  Enter Usury with a painted Box of ink in his hand. Vsu. 
Madam, I deem this same be it, so far as I can guess.  Luc. 
Thou sayest the truth, 'tis it in deed, the outside shows no less.  
But Usury I think Dissimulation hath not seen you since your coming home.  
therefore go see him, he will rejoice when to him you are shown,  
It is a busy time with him, help to further him if you can.  Vsu. 
He may command me to attend at board to be his man.  Exit Usury. Here let Lucar open he Box, and dip her finger in it, and spot Conscience face, saying as followeth. Luc. 
Hold here my sweet, and then over to see what doth want,  
the more I do behold this face, the more my mind doth daunt:  
This face is of favour, these cheeks are ready and white,  
these lips are cherry red, and full of deep delight,  
Quick rolling eyes, her temples high, and forehead white as snow,  
Her eyebrows seemly set in frame, with dimpled chin below:  
O how beauty hath adorned thee with every seemly hue,  
In limbs, in looks, with all the rest proportion keeping due:  
Sure I have not seen a finer soul in every kind of part,  
I cannot choose but kiss thee with my lips, that love thee with my heart.  Con. 
I have told the crowns, and here are just so many as you to me did say.  Luc. 
Then when thou wilt thou mayest depart, and homewards take thy way,  
And I pray thee make haste in decking of thy room,  
that I may find thy lodging fine, when with my friend I come.  Con. 
I'll make speed, and where I have with brooms ofttimes been roaming.  
I mean henceforth not to be seen, but sit to watch your coming.  Exit Conscience. Luc. 
O how joyful may I be that such success do find,  
No marvel, for poverty and desire of Lucar do force them follow my mind:  
Now may I rejoice in full contentation,  
That shall marry Love with Dissimulation:  
And have spotted Conscience with all abomination,  
But I forget myself, for I must to the wedding,  
Both vauntingly and flauntingly, although I had no bidding.  Exit Lucar. Enter Dissimulation and Coggin his man, and Simony. Cog. 
Sir, although you be my master, I would not have you to upbraid my name,  
But I would have you use the right skill and title of the same:  
For my name is neither scoggin nor scragging, but ancient Coggin:  
Sir my ancestors were five of the four worthies,  
And yourself are of my near kin.  Dissim. 
Indeed thou sayest true, for Coggin is a kinsman to Dissimulation.  
But tell me have you taken the names of the guests?  Cog. 
Yea sir.  Dissim. 
Let me hear after what fashion.  The names of the guests told by Coggin. Cog. 
There is first and foremost master Forgery, and master Flattery  
Master Perjury, and master Injury:  
Master Cruelty, and master Pickery, master Bribery, and master Treachery:  
Master Wink at wrong, and master Headstrong, mistress privy theft,  
and master deep Deceit, master Abomination, and mistress Fornication  
his wife, Ferdinando false-weight, and Frissit false-measure his wife.  Dissim. 
Stay, Fornication & Frissit false-measure are often familiar  
with my Lady Lucar, and one of them she accounts her friend:  
Therefore they shall sit with the bride in the midst, and the men at each end:  
Let me see, there are sixteen, even as many as well near is able:  
to dine in the summer parlour at the playing table:  
Beside my fellow Fraud, and you fellow Simony,  
But I shall have a great miss of my fellow Usury.  Sym. 
Take no care for that, he came home yesterday even no longer,  
His pardon was quickly begged, and that by a courtier.  
And sirrah, since he came he had like to have slain good neighbourhood and liberality,  
Had not true friendship stepped between them very suddenly:  
But sirrah, he hit true friendship such a blow on the ear,  
That he keeps out of all men's sight, for shame or for fear.  Dissim. 
Now of my troth it is a pretty jest, hath he made true friendship  
hide his head?  
Sure if it be so, good neighbourhood and liberality for fear are fled.  Sym. 
But fellow Dissimulation tell me, what Priest shall marry ye?  Dissim. 
marry that shall an old friend of mine M. Doctor Hypocrisy.  Sym. 
Why will you not have sir Peter Pleasman to supply that want?  Dissim. 
Indeed sir peter is a good Priest, but Doctor Hypocrisy is most ancient.  
But cousin Coggin, I pray you go to invite the guess,  
And tell them that they need not disturb their quietness:  
Desire them to come at dinner time, and it shall suffice.  
because I know they will be loath so early to rise.  
But at any hand will Doctor Hypocrisy,  
That he meet us at the Church very early:  
For I would not have all the world to wonder at our match.  
It is an old proverb, 'tis good having a hatch before the door, but i'll  
have a door before the hatch.  Cog. 
Sir, I will about it as fast as I can hie,  
I'll first to that scald bald knave Doctor Hypocrisy.  Exit Coggin. Sym. 
But fellow Dissimulation, how darest thou marry with Love, bearing no love at all?  
For thou dost nothing but dissemble, than thy love must needs be small.  
Thou canst not love but from the teeth forward,  
Sure the wife that marries thee shall highly be preferred.  Dissim. 
Tush tush, you are a merry man, I warrant I know what I be  
And can yield a good reason for it I may say unto you.  
What and if the world should change, and run all on her side?  
Then might I by her means still in good credit abide.  
Thou knowest Love is ancient, and lives peaceably without any strifes,  
Then sure the people will think well of me because she is my wife.  Sym. 
Trust me thou art as crafty to have an eye to the main chance,  
As the tailor that out of seven yards stole one and a halt of durance.  
He served at that inn she devil in the likeness of S. Ratherme,  
Such Tailors will thrive, that out of a doublet and a pair of hose can steal their wise an Apron.  
The Doublet sleeve three fingers were too short,  
The Venetians came nothing near the knee.  Dissim. 
Then for to make them long enough I pray thee what did he?  Sym. 
Two pieces set an handful broad to lengthen them withal,  
Yet for all that below the knee by no means they could fall.  
He seeing that, desired the party to buy as much to make another pair,  
The party did, yet for all that he stole a quarter there.  Dissim. 
Now sure I can him thank, he could his occupation:  
My fellow Fraud would laugh to hear one dressed of such a fashion,  
But fellow Simony, I thank you heartily for comparing the tailor to me,  
As who should say his knavery and my policy did agree.  Sym. 
Not so, but i was the willinger to tell thee, because I know it to be a true tale,  
And to see how Artificers do extol Fraud, by whom they bear their sale.  
But come let us walk, and talk no more of this,  
Your policy was very good, and so no doubt was his.  Exeunt. Enter mercadorus reading a letter to himself, and let Gerontus the jew follow him, and speak as followeth. Geron. 
signior Mercadore, why do you not pay me? think you I will be mocked in this sort?  
This is three times you have flouted me, it seems you make thereat a sport.  
Truly pay me my money and that even now presently,  
Or by mighty Mahomet I swear, I will forthwith arrest ye.  Merca. 
Ha pray a bear wit me tree or four days, me have much business in hand.  
Me be troubled wit letters you see here dat comes from England.  Geron. 
Tush this is not my matter, I have nothing therewith to do,  
Pay me my money or i'll make you, before to your lodging you go.  
I have officers stand watching for you, so that you cannot pass by,  
Therefore you were best to pay me, or else in prison you shall lie.  Merca. 
Arrest me dou skal knave, marry do if dou dare,  
Me will not paid one penny, arrest me, do, me do not care,  
Me will be a Turk, me came hedar for dat cause,  
Darefore me care not for de so much as two straws.  Geron. 
This is but your words, because you would defeat me,  
I cannot think you will forsake your faith so lightly.  
But seeing you drive me to doubt, i'll try your honesty:  
Therefore be sure of this, i'll go about it presently.  (exit. Merca. 
marry farewell and be hanged, sitten seal drunken jew,  
I warrant ye me shall be able very vell to pay you.  
My Lady Lucar have sent me here dis letter,  
Praying me to cozen de jew for love o' her.  
Darefore meal go to get a some Turks apparel.  
Dat me may cozen da jew, and end dis quarrel.  (Exit. Enter three beggars, that is to say, Tom Baggar, Wily Will, and Simplicity singing. 

The Song.  

To the wedding, to the wedding, to the wedding go we,  
To the wedding a-begging, a-begging all three.   

TOm Beggar shall brave it, and wily Will too,  
Simplicity shall knave it wherever we go:  
With lustily Bravado, take care that care will,  
To catch it, and snatch it, we have the brave skill.   

Oar fingers are lime-twigs, and barbers we be,  
To catch shears from hedges most pleasant to see:  
Then to the Ilewife roundly we set them to sale,  
And spend the money merrily upon her good ale.   

To the wedding, to the wedding, to the wedding go we,  
To the wedding a-begging, a-begging all three.    Tom. 
Now truly my masters, of all occupations under the sun, begging is the best,  
For when a man is weary, then may he lay him down to rest.  
Tell me, is it not a Lord's life in summer to louse one under a hedge,  
And then leaving that game, may go clepe and coll his Madge?  
Or else may walk to take the wholesome air abroad for his delight,  
Where he may tumble on the grass, have sweet smells, and see many a pretty sight.  
Why, an Emperor for all his wealth can have but his pleasure,  
And surely I would not lose my charter of liberty, for all the kings treasure.  Will. 
Shall I tell thee Tom Beggar, by the faith of a Gentleman,  
this ancient freedom I would not forego,  
If I might have whole mines of money at my will to bestow.  
Then a man's mind should be troubled to keep that he had,  
And you know it were not for me, it would make my valiant mind mad.  
For now we neither pay Church money, subsidies, fifteens, scot nor lot,  
All the payings we par, is to pay the good ale pot.  Simp. 
But fellow beggars you cozen me, & take away at the best meat.  
And leave me nothing but brown bread, or fin of fish to eat.  
When you be at the alehouse, you drink up the strong ale, and give me small bear:  
You tell me 'tis better than the strong, to make me sing clear.  
Indeed you know with my singing I get twice as much as ye,  
But and you serve me so you shall sing yourselves, and beg alone for me.  Tom. 
We stand prating here, come let us go to the gate,  
Mass I am greatly afraid we are come somewhat too late,  
Good gentle M. Porter, your reward so bestow,  
On a poor lame man, that hath but a patre of legs to go.  Will. 
For God's sake good mas. Porter, give somewhat to the blind,  
that the way to the Alehouse in his sleep cannot find.  Tom. 
For the good Lords sake take compassion on the poor.  Enter Fraud with a basket of meat on his arm. Fraud. 
How now sirs, you are vengeance hasty, can ye not tarry  
But stand bawling so at my Lady's door.  
Here take it amongst you, yet 'twere a good alms deed to give you nothing.  
Because you were so hasty and kept such a calling.  Tom. 
I beseech it not so sir, for we are very hungry,  
that made us so earnest, but we are sorry we troubled ye.  Simp. 
look how greedy they be, like dogs that fall a snatching,  
You shall see that I shall have the greatest alms, because I said nothing  
Fraud knows me, therefore he'll be my friend I am sure of that:  
they have nothing but lean beef, ye shall see I shall have a piece that's fat.  
Master Fraud you have forgot me pray ye let me have my share,  Fraud. 
Faith all is gone, thou comest too late, thou seest all is given there  
By the faith of a Gentleman I have it not, I would I were able to  
give thee more.  Simp. 
O sir, I saw your arms hang out at a stable door.  Fraud. 
Indeed my arms are at the Painters, belike he hung them out to dry  
I pray thee tell me what they were, if thou canst them descry.  Sim. 
marry there was never a scutcheon, but there was 2 trees rampant  
And then over them lay a sour tree parsant,  
With a man like you in a green field pendant,  
Having a hempen halter about his neck, with a knot under the left ear, because you are a younger brother.  
Then sir, there stands on each hand holding up the crease,  
I worthy Ostlers hand in a dish of grease:  
Besides all this, on the helmet stands the hangman's hand,  
Ready to turn the Ladder whereon your picture did stand:  
Then under the helmet hung tables like chains, and for what they are I cannot devise.  
Except it be to make you hang fast, that the crows might pick out your eyes.  Fraud. 
What a swad is this? I had been better to have sent him to the back door,  
to have gotten some alms amongst the rest of the poor.  
Thou pray'st thou canst not tell what, or else art not well in thy wit,  
I am sure my arms are not blazed so far abroad as yet.  Simp. 
O yes sir, your arms were known a great while ago,  
For your elder brother Deceit did give those arms too,  
Marry the difference is all, which is the knot under the left ear.  
the Painter says when he is hanged, you may put out the knot without fear.  
I am sure they were your arms, for there was written in Roman  
letters round about the hempen collar,  
Given by the worthy valiant Captain master Fraud the Ostler.  
Now God be with ye sir, i'll get me even close to the back door.  
Farewell Tom beggar, and wily Will, I'll beg with you no more.  Exit. Tom. 
O farewell Simplicity, we art very loath to lose thy company.  Fraud. 
Now he to gone give care to me. You seem to be sound men in every joint and him.  
And can ye live in this sort to go up and down the country a-begging?  
O base minds I trow, I had rather hack it out by the high way side,  
Than such misery and penury still to abide.  
Sirs, if you will be ruled by me, and do what I shall say,  
I'll bring ye where we shall have a notable fine prey.  
It is so sirs, that merchant, one Mercadorus, is coming from Turkey  
And it is my Lady's pleasure that he robbed should be,  
She hath sworn that we shall be all sharers alike,  
And upon that willed me some such companions as you be to seek.  Tom 
O worthy Captain Fraud, you have won my noble heart:  
You shall see how manfully I can play my part.  
And here's wily Will, as good a fellow as your heart can wish,  
To go a fishing with a crank through a window, or to set lime twigs to catch a pan, pot, or dish.  Will. 
He says true for I tell you I am one that will not give back,  
Not for a double shot out of a black Jack.  
O sir, you bring us a-bed when ye talk of this gear,  
Come, shall we go worthy Captain? I long till we be there.  Fraud. 
ay, let us about it, to provide our weapons ready,  
And when the time serves, I myself will conduct ye.  Tom. 
O valiantly spoken, come wily Will, two pots of ale we'll bestow  
On our Captain courageously for a parting blow.  Exeunt. Enter the judge of turkey, with Gerontus and Mercadorus. judge. 
Sir Gerontus, because you are the plaintiff, you first your mind shall say,  
Declare the cause you did arrest this merchant yesterday.  Geron. 
Then learned judge attend; this Mercadorus, whom you see in place,  
Did borrow two thousand ducats of me, but for a five weeks space.  
Then sir, before the day came, by his flattery he obtained one thousand more,  
And promised me at two months end I should receive my store:  
But before the time expired, he was closely fled away,  
So that I never heard of him, at least this two years day,  
till at the last I met with him, and did the money did demand,  
Who swore to me at five days end he would pay me out of hand.  
The five days came, and three days more, than one day he requested:  
I perceiving that he flouted me, have got him thus arrested:  
And now he comes in Turkish weeds to defeat me of my money,  
But I trow he will not forsake his faith, I deem he hath more honesty.  judge. 
Sir Gerontus you know, if any man forsake his faith, King, country, and become a Mahomet.  
All debts are paid, 'tis the law of our Realm, and you may not gainsay it.  Geron. 
most true (reverend judge) we may not, nor i will not against our Laws grudge.  judge. 
Semo: Mercadorus is this true that Gerontus doth tell?  Merca. 
My Lord judge, de matter, and circumstance be true me know well.  
But me will be a Turk, and for dat cause me came here.  judge. 
Then it is but a folly to make many words. Senior Mercadorus draw near.  
Lay your hand on this book, and say after me.  Merca. 
With a good will my Lord judge, me be all ready.  Geron. 
Not for any devotion, but for Lucars sake of my money.  judge. 
Say I Mercadorus do utterly renounce before all the world,  
my duty to my Prince, my honour to my parents, and my good will to my country.  Merca. 
Furthermore I protest and swear to be true to this country  
during life, and thereupon I forsake my Christian faith.  Geron. 
Stay there most puissant judge. Senior mercadorus, consider what you do,  
Pay me the principal, as for the interest, I forgive it you:  
And yet the interest is allowed amongst you Christians, as well as in Turkey  
Therefore respect your faith, and do not seem to deceive me.  Merca. 
No point da interest, no point da principal.  Geron. 
Then pay me the one half, if you will not pay me all.  Merca. 
No point da half, no point dinar, me will be a Turk I say,  
me be weary of my Christ's religion, and for dat me come away.  Geron. 
Well seeing it is so, I would be loath to hear the people say, it was long of me  
Thou forsakest thy faith, wherefore I forgive thee frank and free:  
Protesting before the judge, and all the world, never to demand penny nor halfpenny.  Merca. 
O sir Gerontus, me take a your proffer, and tank you most heartily.  judge. 
But signior mercadorus, I trow ye will be a Turk for all this.  Merca. 
signior no, not for all da god in inda world, me forsake a my Christ.  judge. 
Why then it is as sir Gerontus said, you did more for the greediness of the money.  
Then for any zeal or good will you bore to Turkey.  Merca. 
Oh sir, you make a great offence,  
You must not judge a my conscience.  judge. 
One may judge and speak truth, as appears by this,  
jews seek to excel in christianity, & Christians in Jewishness.  Exit. Mer. 
Well vell, but me tank you sir Gerontus' wit all my very heart.  Geron. 
Much good may it do you sir, I repent it not for my part.  
But yet I would not have this holden you to serve another so,  
Seek to pay & keep day with men so a good name on you will go.  Exit. Merca. 
You say vel sir, it does me good dat me have cozened de jew,  
Faith I would my lady Lucar de whole matter now knew.  
Uat is dat me well not do for her sweet sake,  
But now me will provide my journey toward England to take.  
Me be a Turk, no, it will make my lady Lucar to smile,  
When she knows how me did da scal jew beguile.  Exit. Enter Lucar, and Love with a vizard behind. Luc. 
Mistress Love, I marvel not a little what coy conceit is crept into your head,  
that you seem so sad and sorrowful since the time you first did wed,  
tell me sweet wench what thou ailest, and if I can ease thy grief,  
I will be priest to pleasure thee in yielding of relief.  
Sure thou makest me for to think somewhat hath chanced amiss.  
I pray thee tell me what thou ailest, and what the matter is.  Love. 
My grief alas I shame to show, because my bad intent  
Hath brought on me a just reward, and eke a strange event.  
Shall I be counted Love, nay rather lascivious Lust,  
Because unto Dissimulation I did repose such trust?  
But now i moan too late, and blush my hap to tell,  
My head in monstrous sort alas, doth more and more still swell.  Luc. 
Is your head then swollen good mistress Love, I pray you let me see.  
Of truth it is beholded a face that seems to smile on me:  
It is fair and well favoured, with a countenance smooth and good,  
Wonder is the worst, to see two faces in a hood.  
Come let's go, we'll find some sports to spurn away such toys,  Love. 
Were it not for lucre, sure Love had lost her joys,  Exeunt. Enter Serviceable Diligence the Constable, and Simplicity with an Officer to whip him, or two if you can. Simp. 
Why, but must I be whipped master Constable indeed?  
You may save your labour, for I have no need.  Dili. 
I must needs see thee punished, there is no remedy,  
Except thou wilt confess, and tell me.  
Where thy fellows are become that did the robbery.  Simp. 
Indeed master Constable, I do not know of their stealing.  
For I did not see them since we went together a-begging:  
Therefore pray ye sir be miserable to me, and let me go,  
For I labour to get my living with begging you know.  Dili. 
Thou wast seen in their company a little before the deed was done.  
therefore it is most likely thou knowest where they are become.  Simp. 
Why master Constable, if a sheep go among wolves all day.  
Shall the sheep be blamed if they steal any thing away?  Dili. 
Yea marry shall he, for it is a great presumption,  
that keeping them company, he is of like profession.  
But dispatch sirs, strip him, and whip him:  
Stand not to reason the question.  Simp. 
Indeed 'twas fraud so it was, it was not I,  
And here he comes himself, ask him if I lie.  Enter Fraud. Dili. 
What sayest thou villain? I would advise thee hold thy tongue.  
I know him to be a wealthy man, and a Burgess of the town.  
Sir, and it please your mastership, here's one slanders you with felonies  
He saith you were the chief doer of a robbery.  Fraud. 
What says the rascal? but you know,  
It standeth not with my credit to brawl:  
But good master Constable for his slanderous report,  
Pay him double, and in as great a matter command me you shall.  Exit. Simp. 
M. Constable, must the countenance carry out the knave,  
Why then if one will face folks out, some fine repariment he must have.  Bedle put off his clothes. Bedle. 
Come sir sack sauce: make quick dispatch at once,  
You shall see how finely we will fetch the skin from your bones.  Simp. 
Nay but tell me be you both right handed or no?  Bedle. 
What is that to thee, why wouldst thou so same know?  Simp. 
marry if you should both be right handed, the one would hinder the other,  
than it would not be done finely according to order:  
For if you whip me not with credit it is not worth a pin,  
therefore I pray you M. Constable, let me be whipped on the skin.  Dili. 
Whereon dost thou think they would whip thee I pray thee declare?  
that thou puttest us in mind, and takest so great care.  Simp. 
I was afraid you would have worn out my clothes with whipping, then afterward I should go naked a-begging.  Bedle. 
Have no doubt of that, we will savour thy clothes,  
Thou shalt judge that thyself, by feeling the blows.  Lead him once or twice about whipping him, and so exit. Enter judge Nemo, the clerk of the Size, the Crier, and Serviceable Diligence, the judge and clerk being set, the Crier shall sound thrice. judge. 
Serviceable Diligence, bring hither such prisoners as are in  
your custody.  Dili. 
My diligence shall be applied very willingly.  
Pleaseth it you, there are but three prisoners so far as I know,  
which are Lucar and Conscience, with a deformed creature much like Bifrons the base daughter of juno.  judge. 
Nor where is that wretch Dissimulation?  Dili. 
He hath transformed himself after a strange fashion.  judge. 
Fraud: where is he become?  Dili. 
He was seen in the streets walking in a citizen's gown.  judge. 
What is become of Usury?  Dili. 
He was seen at the Exchange very lately.  judge. 
Tell me, when you heard of Simony?  Dili. 
He was seen this day walking in Paul's, having conference &  
very great familiarity with some of the Clergy.  judge. 
Fetch Lucar and Conscience to the Bar.  Dili. 
Behold worthy judge, here ready they are.  Enter Lucar and Conscience. judge. 
Stand forth: Diligence divide them asunder.  Clarke. 
Lucar, thou art indicted by the name of Lucar,  
To have committed adultery with mercadorus the merchant, and Creticus the Lawyer.  
Thou art also indicted for the robbery of mercadore.  
Lastly, and chiefly, for the consenting to the murder of Hospitality.  
What sayest thou, art thou guilty or not in these causes?  Luc. 
Not guilty, where are mine accusers, they may shame to show their faces?  
I warrant you none comes, nor dare to discredit my name:  
In despite of the teeth of them that dare: I speak in disdain.  judge. 
Impudent, canst thou deny deeds so manifestly known.  Luc. 
In denial stands trial: I shame not, let them be shown,  
It grinds my gall, they should slander me on this sort:  
they are some old cankered currish corrupt Carls that gave me this report.  
My soul craves revenge on such my sacred foes,  
And revengement I will have, if body and soul I lose.  judge. 
Thy hateful heart declares thy wicked life,  
In the abundance of thy abomination all evils are rife:  
But what sayest thou Conscience to thy accusation  
that art accused to have been bawd unto Lucar, and spotted with all abomination.  Con. 
What should I say, nay what would I say in this our naughty living.  Lucar. 
Good Conscience if thou love me say nothing.  Clarke. 
Diligence, suffer her not to stand prating.  Let him put her aside. judge. 
What letter is that in thy bosom Conscience? Diligence reach it hither.  Make as though ye read it. 
Conscience speak on, let me heart what thou canst say,  
For I know in singleness thou wilt a truth bewray.  Con. 
My good Lord I have no way to excuse myself,  
She hath corrupted me by flattery, and her accursed pelf:  
What need further trial, sith I Conscience am a thousand witnesses,  
I cannot choose but condemn us all in living amiss  
Such terror doth affright me, that living, I wish to die:  
I am afraid there is no spark left for me of God's mercy.  judge. 
Conscience where hadst thou this letter?  Con. 
It was put into my bosom by Lucar:  
Willing me to keep secret our lascivious living,  
I cannot but condemn us all in this thing.  judge. 
How now malapert stand you still in defence or no?  
This letter declares thy guilty Conscience, how sayest thou is it not for  
Tell me, why standest thou in a maze? speak quickly:  
Hadst thou thy tongue so liberal, and now stand to study?  Lucar. 
O Conscience thou hast killed me, by thee I am overthrown.  judge. 
It is happy that by Conscience thy abomination is known,  
Wherefore I pronounce judgement against thee on this wise:  
Thou shalt pass to the place of darkness, where thou shalt hear fearful cries.  
Weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, and torment without end,  
Burning in the lake of fire and brimstone because thou canst not amend:  
Wherefore Diligence convey her hence, throw her down to the lowest hell,  
Where the infernal sprites and damned ghosts do dwell.  
And bring forth Love.  Exit Lucar and Diligence. Let Lucar make ready for Love quickly, and come with Diligence. 
Declare that cause Conscience at large, how thou comest so spotted,  
Whereby many by thee hath been greatly infected:  
For under the colour of Conscience thou deceivedst many,  
Causing them to defile the temple of God, which is man's body:  
A clean conscience is a sacrifice: Gods own resting place,  
Why wast thou then corrupted so, and spotted on thy face?  Con. 
When Hospitality had his throat cut up Usury,  
He oppressed me with cruelty, and brought me to beggary:  
Turning me out of house and home, and in the end,  
my gown to pay my rent, to him I did send;  
So driven to that extremity, I have fallen to that you see,  
Yet after judgement I hope of God's mercy.  judge. 
O Conscience, shall cankered quam corrupt thy heart?  
Or shall want in this world cause thee to feel everlasting smart  
O Conscience what a small time thou hast on earth to live,  
why dost thou not then, to God all honour give?  
Considering the time is everlasting that thou shalt live in bliss,  
If by thy life thou rise from death, to judgement mercy, and forgiveness.  Enter Love with Diligence. 
Stand aside Conscience, bring Love to the bar.  
What sayest thou to thy deformity, who was the cause?  Love. 
Lady Lucar.  judge. 
Did Lucar choke thee so, that thou gavest thyself over to lust?  
And did prodigal expenses cause thee in Dissimulation to trust?  
Thou wast pure Love, and art thou become a monster,  
Bolstering thyself upon the lasciviousness of Lucar?  
Love answer for thyself, speak in thy defence.  Love. 
I cannot choose but yield, confounded by Conscience.  judge. 
Then judgement I pronounce on thee, because thou followed Lucar,  
Whereby thou hast sold thy soul to feel like torment with her,  
Which torments comprehended are in the worm of Conscience,  
who raging still, shall near have end, a plague for thine offence,  
Care shall be thy comfort, and sorrow shall thy life sustain,  
thou shalt be dying, yet never dead, but pining still in endless pain.  
Diligence convey her to Lucar, let that be her reward,  
Because unto her cankered coin she gave her whole regard.  
But as for Conscience, carry her to prison,  
there to remain until the day of general session:  
Thus we make an end,  
Knowing that the best of us all may amend:  
Which God grant to his good will and pleasure,  
That we be not corrupted with the unsatiate desire of vanishing earthly treasure:  
For Covetousness is the cause of wresting man's Conscience,  
Therefore restrain thy lust, and thou shalt shun the offence.  
FINIS.  
Paul Bucke.