THE SOPHISTER. A COMEDY.  Horat. 
— His non plebecula gaudet.  Mart. 
Haec fuerint nobis praemia, si placui.  
LONDON: Printed by J. O. for Humphrey Mosley, and are to be sold at his shop at the Sign of the PRINCE's Arms in Paul's Churchyard. 1639.   

The Prologue spoken by Mercury to the Academical Auditors.  

TO greet this fair Assembly Hermes comes,  
The winged Herald twixt the gods and men,  
And helps an Infant-Muse, who not admires  
His own, nor envieth others clearer fires:  
Whose modest Venus everywhere forbears  
To speak what may offend your Attic ears.  
His chiefest aim and Art is for to fit  
Unto this Place, (the Vatican of Wit)  
His Lines, that this fair Confluence may allow,  
What his Minerva hath contrived now.  
He to no foreign parts for plot doth roam,  
But speaks such Language as he learned at home.  
The Scene Parrhesia is, the chiefest State  
Of great, but much disturbed Hermenia:  
Discourse fallen mad, and troubled Method fled;  
Young Intellect surprised, Invention  
Parts from Judicium; all that is amiss,  
Is rectified by Analysis.  
This, and what else we shall present tonight  
Unto this Round, we offer as a Rite:  
For you can truly judge, and give report  
Of what you hear above the Vulgar sort.  
But here the Sophister, how to commence,  
Or take's Degree, as yet is in suspense:  
By keeping of his Acts, he now will try  
To get your Placet by his Fallacy.   Exit.  

Imprimatur  
Mathew Clay, 3. Novemb. 1638.   

The Sophister. A Comedy.  

Actus primus, Scena prima.  Enter Fallacy alone, with a dark lantern. Fallacy. 
NOt yet begins the East-disturbing Morn  
To draw aside night's fable Canopy, (plays  
Nor heavens great Spy, whose curious search dis-  
The world's close errors, yet o'erlooks the earth,  
When now long since lazy & slow-paced sleep  
Hath posted by my scarce-saluted eyes:  
And let him pass; he's not that powerful God,  
Whom everwaking Fallacy adores.  
Sacred Deceit, to thee be consecrate  
My Temples, aid thou Goddess mine attempt,  
I soon will free me. Here comes my servant Ambiguity.  Enter Ambiguity, Fallacy turns his lantern, and steps aside. Amb. 
I am in doubt, and I think cannot easily be resolved, whether it were better living in Hell, where there is no day; or at my Masters, where there is no night: I cannot tell what any young Gentlewoman would answer to the blind philosopher's question. I am sure to me, Nulla videtur voluptas nocturna: There cannot the least sleep harbour under my brows, but it is presently started with the loud cries of my Master. Melancholy keeps him always waking, and his envy will not suffer me to take any rest: Then my head hath scarce forgot my pillow, when his buzzing Suitors swarming about me, sting my ears like Hornets: like ghosts on this side Cocytus, they flock thither in infinite multitudes, to be wafted over to Hell: I would they were all once shipped thither, and dispatched; they are so importunate, that I could curse Nature who hath given me two ears to hear them, and but one tongue (though that indifferent double) to answer them. But at length I bethought me, she hath given me two legs to convey me from them.  Fal. 
'Twere good she had given you more eyes to see your Master.  Amb. 
I would she had given me yours, you might not have seen your man.  Fal. 
Well sir, I hope she would have left me hands to have felt him. But hast thou brought what I bid thee?  Amb. 
I have Sir, and I have not. (not.  Fal. 
I was about to thank you Sir, but now I thank you  
What hast thou done?  Amb. 
I have brought Sir, but not as you bid me.  Fal. 
Villain, go run again.  Amb. 
Nay Sir, I thought it better to bring two Viols at one going, than at twice going one Viol. There were two of water of the same colour, and I have brought them both.  Fal. 
Well, where are they?  Amb. 
Here sir.  He delivereth the Viols to his Master. Fal. 
So double diligence, 'Tis no great matter: Indeed their colours are the same, and their effects not much unlike. This being tasted, causeth drunkenness; this sudden madness: and this is the drink I have provided for my Father's morning's draught. Sirrah take you that, you may chance to have use of it; you know the virtue?  He gives one to Ambiguity. Amb. 
Yes Sir.  Fal. 
And now what are these Suitors that so much trouble you?  Amb. 
Master, you have seen Death's dance in Boccus, Merchants, victuallers, Vintners, Tobacco-men, Informers, Projectors, all those that mourned at Tigellius his Funeral; Ambubaiarum collegia, Pharmacapolae,  
I am sure you know them.  Fal. 
And know myself unable to content them.  
Riches and honour, all the world's delights  
Their hearts desire, I have given them,  
And like the Farmer old Stercatius,  
Still toiling in his dunghill, or his field,  
As with his grosser soul best sympathising,  
Spending his spirits, sparing of his pelf,  
Defraudeth his own Genius, all to make  
His Master's Son an upstart Gentleman  
Of inns of Court: so have I hitherto  
On this still-craving brood freely bestowed  
My choicest favours, to advance their states:  
Whilst I myself in scorn and infamy,  
Have basely lived, am basely like to die.  
And could I suffer this so vile contempt?  
Yet am I hated too; who can endure  
Contempt and hatred to go unrevenged?  
Or were't else where, I might contain myself  
Dissemble this my grief, neglect my shame.  
But here within the great Hermenia,  
In hatred and contempt to draw my breath,  
A thousand times 'tis worse than cursed death,  
But that which more torments my vexed soul,  
Bold Demonstration, and quick Topicus,  
Though better borne, yet both my younger brothers,  
Are everywhere admired, and beloved.  
Them old Discourse, our too much doting Father,  
Kisses, embraces, seeks to magnify.  
On them the Vulgar and Nobility  
With no less joy do fix their gazing eyes,  
Than the near-death escaping Mariners  
Upon fair Leda's Twins, if they appear  
After a tempest, when the Heavens are clear.  
To them which scarce my spite-swollen tongue can speak,  
My heart abhors to think, are destined  
The fair Scientia and Opinion  
In happy Spousals to be married:  
Now Fallacy, 'tis thou must this prevent,  
Or pine in grief, in shame, in discontent.  
And see (o fairest Opportunity)  
That ever favour'st Fallacies attempts,  
I'll kiss thy gracious hand, and with my heart  
Embrace thy sweet-self-offering courtesy.  Here comes my Father, stand aside. Enter Discour. Demonstr. Topicus: Disc, sits down.  

SCENA secunda.  Disc. 
WEll hath the great Creator of the world  
Framed it in that exact and perfect form,  
That by itself unmoveable might stand,  
Supported only by his Providence.  
Well hath his powerful Wisdom ordered  
Th'in nature disagreeing Elements,  
That all affecting their peculiar place,  
Maintain the conservation of the whole.  
Well hath he taught the swelling Ocean  
To know his bounds, lest in luxurious pride  
He should insult upon the conquered Land.  
Well hath he placed those Torches in the Heavens,  
To give light to our else all darkened eyes:  
The Crystal windows through which our soul  
Looking upon the world's most beauteous face,  
Is blessed with sight and knowledge of his works.  
Well hath he all things done: for how alas  
Could any strength or wit of feeble man  
Sustained have that greater Universe,  
Too weak an Atlas for one Commonwealth  
How could he make the Earth, the Water, Air,  
And Fire, in peace their duties to observe,  
Or bridle up the headstrong Ocean,  
That cannot rule the wits and tongues of Man,  
And keep them in? it were impossible  
To give light to the world, with all his Art,  
And skill, that cannot well illuminate  
One darkened understanding. Oh my sons,  
Never admire the Seat of government,  
Nor let the haughty and ambitious thoughts  
Of an aspiring mind, inflame your hearts  
To climb up to the false-supposed Heaven  
Of high-authority.  Fal. 
Now I think I am prevented: is he not stark mad already?  He talks idly. Disc. 
The Chair of State,  
Though glorious seeming, oft proves dangerous,  
Is always troublesome, always envied.  
I hear the Regent of this only Land  
Not altogether unexperienced,  
Having the assistance of grave counsellors,  
Ready to faint with burden of my cares,  
Think happy great Tiphoeus, who, they say  
Lies pressed down under large Sicily.  Amb. 
Your loving Son, if his purpose hold, will ease you; you shall not think Aetna upon your shoulders, he will make your head light enough.  Disc. 
Let then your true affection so well placed  
On well deserving, well requiting loves,  
Doubly reflecting on your nearer selves,  
Grow strong in fast united amity;  
That what no single strength or wit can do,  
Virtue conjoined, may attain unto.  
But Demonstration call young Intellect  
To be instructed; he was hither sent  
By that great Empress of the Isle of Man,  
Renowned Anima his careful Mother,  
And as his youth, this childhood of the day  
Will best admit the best impressions.  
But who's that? Fallacy? and whence come you?  Exit Demonstration. Fal. 
My gracious Father, carried on the wings  
Of my ne'er sleeping Piety, I came  
From my own house to do my humble duty  
Unto your Majesty. (you  Disc. 
Your earliness hath made some haste, but a report of  
From far, before you, late hath been with me.  
How cometh it to pass thus, o my son!  
Unhappy son, borne to thy father's shame,  
Living unto his grief, thou causest me  
In all the world to be ill spoken of  
Through thy most lewd behaviour, I hear say  
With Jugglers, coney-catchers, Gypsies, Rogues,  
Base gamesters, lying Mountebanks, vild bawds,  
And most damned cozeners, you keep company,  
At blind Alehouses, Inns, and Ordinaries,  
Whore-houses, and Apothecary-shops,  
With such like places, you do still frequent,  
Where you abuse the plain simplicity  
Of honest men, that I may justly spend  
That breath wherewith I would have blessed thee,  
Into deserved cursings; and I ought  
Profusely pour it forth in chiding thee.  
But oh though wicked, yet I think my son,  
I do entreat thee, I will sue to thee  
To leave these courses, and at length begin  
Better to govern thy misguided self:  
Look to thy brothers, and not scorn to learn;  
To me they duly do perform their duty  
To men they do approve their honesty.  He coughs, Top. 
Sir, will it please you to drink this morning?  Disc. 
Yes, I am dry with talking.  Exit Topicus. Fal. 
Then may it please your grace to give me leave  
To speak in poor defence of my just cause.  Disc. 
Say what thou canst, and oh I would thou couldst  
Clear thee of these foul accusations?  Fal. 
First may I Sir, full worthily except  
Against the oft-false-proved messenger,  
Ever to be suspected, lying fame.  
Then I appeal unto the Testimony  
Of all the world, whether I have not  
Always myself associated with  
The best reputed sort: great Princes have  
Accepted of my wished for company.  
With most chief Statesmen I have been familiar,  
Upon the Exchange not looked for, I have been  
By many wealthy Merchants oft saluted.  
The fairest streets of the most famous Cities,  
Are almost worn out with my often steps.  
Nay, what place is there of more special note,  
Where I (though not apparent seen of all,  
I know you hate that foolish vanity)  
Have not been for the most part, resident?  
But I hereafter, that your faithful eye  
May give true witness to my carriage,  
Nearer at home, here in your sight intend  
To show myself, and my deserts approve  
To your sure comfort, and my friends sound love.  Enter Topicus with a Cup in his hand. Fal. 
Where's your Napkin Topicus?  Top. 
I have forgot it.  Fal. 
Fie, had you no odd place to put you in mind,  
Go quickly and fetch one.  Exit Topicus. Fal. receiveth the Cup, puts in poison: Discour. drinks, Topicus returns. Disc. 
Let me embrace thee Fallacy, let me kiss thee my dearest son, the prop of my age, the sole heir of my love: My ears shall be shut up hereafter to any complaints brought against thee; I will take it as against myself; if any henceforth accuse thee, I will fight with him, I will beat and baffle him; I will run upon him, spit upon him.  Fal. 
How lik'st thou this Ambiguity? is not his Style changed since?  Amb. 
Yes methinks; before he spoke in Verse, now he scans not his words.  Fal. 
Oh thou shalt hear him talk out of all measure.  Disc. 
I will now go walk into the Garden of the Muses, and gather the choicest flowers that grow about Helicon, to make a Garland for thy temples. I'll make the skilful Rhetoricians to empty all their shops of the freshest colours to paint thy cheeks withal. Then the Grammarians I'll cause to shape fit and well-fashioned garments for thee of the purest Silk that ever was framed of true-woven words: Come go with me, come go with me.  Exeunt Disc. Fal. Manent Top. Amb.  

SCENA TERTIA.  Top. 
NOw what strange passion hath befallen my father I  
I wonder that he did so fawn upon  
Unworthy Fallacy; yet that may be  
Proceeded from a Father's tender love.  
But he looked ghastly, and his colour changed,  
And seemed to grow forgetful what he did;  
I pray this humour hold not.  Enter Demonstrat. and Intellect. Top. 
How now Brother?  
Met you your Father?  Demon. 
Not I; is he gone?  
He bid me call up young Lord Intellect.  Intel. 
Marry beshrew you, I could wish you had let me alone; you awaked me out of a most sweet sleep.  Demon. 
What is the matter?  Top. 
Nay I swear I know not;  
But I do fear all is not well with him.  Demon. 
Not well, and stand we talking?  Top. 
I protest I am amazed.  Demon. 
Come let us seek him out.  Exeunt Demonst. and Topic. Amb. 
Young Lord you were best to stay; they go to seek one whom they know not where to find. Now I hope to make my Master dote as much on me, as his mad father doth on him, if I can convey away this purchase.  Int. 
But when will Lord Discourse come? I desire to learn somewhat this morning.  Amb. 
My young Lord, if you will go with me, I will lead you to such a Library, as all Hermenia yields not the like again.  Intel. 
But are there any Books for my use?  Amb. 
Of all sorts.  Int. 
Any Logic or Philosophy?  Amb. 
The best Logic, Rhetoric, & Philosophy that can be.  Int. 
Whose I prithee?  Amb. 
Why you shall find there piscator's Logic, Butler's Rhetoric.  Int. 
Indeed, Faecundi calices quem non fecere disertum?  Amb. 
O sir, the only Rhetoric in price;  
You shall have too Magirus Physics.  Intel. 
What kitchen-physic?  Amb. 
baker's Arithmetic.  Intel. 
That will teach me to tell thirteen to the dozen: what, you think I will prove Helluo librorum? Well, I will go with you for once.  Amb. 
And stay with me I hope, longer than you are willing  Exeunt.  

SCENA QVARTA.  Enter Invention and Judicium. Invent. 
But is it certain which Report affirms?  
Young Topicus and Demonstration,  
So shortly shall be married? Speak Iudicium,  
What do you hear?  Iudic. 
I am for truth assured  
ere night their Nuptials will be finished:  
This Morning from Verona come the Ladies,  
Whose presence only is attended here.  
And now the love, Invention, which you bear  
To Topicus, may best conceive my joy,  
For Demonstrations equal happiness.  Invent. 
My joy and love esteemed by your own  
You well approve, and make me confident  
Upon your judgement in a lesser thing:  
My working thoughts to celebrate this day,  
Have here brought forth a rude impolished Rhyme  
Wherewith I dare trust your friendly censure.  Iudic. 
You may be bold, on me, who cannot blame  
whatever quick Invention hath composed.  Invent. 
Nay, flattery becomes you not; 'tis this.  He delivers him a paper. Iudic. 
What is't an Epigram?  Inven. 
I have mistaken.  Iudic. 
Nay Sir, by your favour, I will presume upon your courtesy to read it.  Amico. 
Our Civil Law doth seem a royal thing,  
It hath more Titles than the Spanish King:  
But yet the Common Law quite puts it down,  
In getting, like the Pope, so many a Crown.  Invent. 
Nay, now I pray conceal not what you think,  Iudic. 
You know Iudicium ought to be conformed  
To Laws, and not to speak his mind of them.  Invent. 
I ask your censure of my Epigram,  
Not of the Laws.  Iudic. 
I think that it were fit  
It had a gloss to show your meaning, what  
You understand by Titles, and by Crowns;  
Those words are doubtful: but Sir shall I see  
The other?  Inven. 
Stay, her's Fallacy.   

SCENA QVINTA.  Enter Fallacy. Fall. 
THese are the Dragons that so duly keep  
The golden fruit which I so long to crop:  
Oh that I could enchant them! well, I'll try:  
Say, faithful followers of young Intellect,  
Is your dear Lord come by? or where's he gone?  Iudic. 
How? our dear Lord come by; or where's he gone?  
What means Lord Fallacy? did not great Discourse  
Send for him by your Brother?  Inven. 
We hither came, thinking to find him here.  Fall. 
I know not that, but this I do assure you,  
He is departed from the Court, and fled:  
The cause my sorrow doth forbid to show;  
Thus much my love hath made me let you know.  Iudic. 
'Twere needless now for us to ask the cause,  
Let's think upon some means to find him out.  Invent. 
Can you advise us Fallacy?  Fal. 
Not I;  
You better both can find and judge what's fit.  Iudic. 
I am amazed.  Invent. 
And so I swear am I.  Fal. 
Well, if my counsel may do any good,  
I wish that both of you pursue him straight;  
You towards Rheims, Invention, and you  
Iudicium to Verona, nor return  
Till you have found him: you may better seek  
In any place than here, where oh alas,  
Discourse distracted is enough to affright  
Far stronger wits.  Invent. 
Discourse distracted? how?  Fal. 
O pardon me, I know not.  Iudic. 
Come, let's go,  
You vex him with your fruitless Questions.  Exeunt. Fal. 
Well may you speed, I would go on your way,  
But that my piety here bids me stay:  
What are you gone? ne'er may you meet again,  
Or meeting, ne'er return. I cannot like  
Such curious fellows in strange Commonwealths.  
And now for young Lord Intellect, my hope  
Stands resolute of quickly taking him,  
I may go prosecute my chief designs.  Exit.   


Actus secundus, Scena prima.  Enter Distinction with papers in his hand. Dist. 
I Would the number of things in the world had been less, or the names more, I might not have been thus troubled. There is nothing spoken or written but is subject to so many interpretations, that without Distinction, giveth occasion of an hundred evasions. An Obligation cannot be made for ten Groats, but the attorney will have half a Crown for Parchment: no less will hold the Addition of the party's names, of younger and elder, Butcher and Tanner of Witam and Wolvercoat; that if the unskilful Painter was fain to write under his well resembled Pictures, this is a Dog, this is an Hare, I had need to come after and tell what Dog, what Hare he meaneth. But yesterday an Herald was with me, who, as I loved to save bloodshed, entreated me to help him to pacify two incensed Citizens, who since the year 1610, when all Artificers and Tradesmen became Gentlemen, fortuned to light both upon the same Coat-armour, and now were ready to fight, who should have it most proper, if I lent him not some difference to put betwixt them: I asking what the Coat was, he told me a bull's head, whereupon I advised him to call his, that was the younger, an ox-head, and make the horns a little longer; and I hope by this they are contented. And indeed I cannot wonder that so often many things have but one name, when sometimes one thing engrosseth many names, like the Spanish Nobility, which require whole sheets for a Superscription. You may inquire for a Broker, meet with a Bawd, and fall into the hands of an Usurer, yet all but one Citizen. You may there see a Scholar troubled with the Rheum, a Gentleman ill at ease, a Servingman stark drunk, all sick of one disease; I would some would reduce these things to a parity, and relieve the nullity of some by the plurality of others; or some good Cyrus would adventure a jerking, by taking away from short things those Titles which are too long for them, and giving to those who are too short, and so fit them both. If Division would come once, I would speak to him myself, to make a more equal distribution; and I wonder he stays so long; but now here he comes with the rest.  Enter Definition, Division, Opposition, Description. Defi. 
Come, come, my Lord, it is time we were about this business.  Divis. 
Good my Lord Definition, you must pardon me, you know I am troubled with two shrewd impediments, Age and weakness; and besides Dichotomy hath let me blood, and charged me I should neither use Horse nor Coach, but trust to mine own two legs; nay he will fierce permit me a staff to lean upon.  Descr. 
My Lord Division, it were best that you fate down if you are weary.  Defi. 
Distinction have you brought the rolls? they be the Records which preserve things done from swallowing up in oblivion.  Dist. 
If you mean the rolls you bid me, I have; if any other, I have not.  Defi. 
Description give me my Spectacles, not without good cause hath our Sovereign sent unto us to draw out for him the pedigree, which is a true lineal descent of all the chiefest inhabitants within these provinces, and view their ancient possessions, which are be Dominions and Lands, conveyed them by their Ancestors, lest here it should come to pass, which is happened in all other Countries, that the dignity and jurisdiction depart from the noblest houses, which are families retaining in many generations, the impression of some heroical virtue, and pass to upstarts, who are such as Fortune, not Desert hath made gracious.  Opp. 
Nay fear not that; while Opposition lives, there shall be always some to resist that confusion.  Divis. 
With which Province will you begin, with Substance, or with Quantity?  Defi. 
Best I think with Substance, right, and here is the roll: The first Duke that reigned here, and gave his name to the Country was Substance; I cannot well say what he was, his antiquity was so great.  Divis. 
He was the eldest son of Ens, was he not Opposition?  Opp. 
No, he was his eldest child, the rest were Daughters.  Descr. 
It should seem so, for accidents are of a feminine nature, they cannot exist alone by themselves.  Divis. 
Well, howsoever this Realm was equally divided amongst them; I have heard, Pythagoras was employed in assigning them their portions.  Opp. 
It is not so, it was his Scholar Archetas Tarentinus, he measured out the Provinces by his Geometry.  Defi. 
Hence we may gather of what antiquity this Kingdom was, it is sure as ancient as the Roman Empire, for Architas and Numa were Schoolfellows.  Opp. 
Fie no, Pythagoras lived long before him.  Defi. 
This Country was then called Decaphylia, till afterward subdued by Mercury, was by him called Hermenia.  Divis. 
Well, howsoever let us proceed: Substance matching with the Lady Corporea, had by her a son called Corpus.  Dist. 
My Lord, there were two Dukes of that name, one in the Province of Substance, another in the Province of Quantity.  Defi. 
But we mean him of Substance.  Descr. 
Good Lord, what odds there is betwixt the men that were in those days, and the men that are now in this latter declining Age of the World. This Duke Substance was a monstrous, tall, huge, big man; he had a head greater than any Horse, a neck like a Bull, larger sides than the Western Hog; Legs like Windmill posts, and feet proportionable: His son Corpus was very like unto him; the Aldermen of the Corporation, that are scarce able to come in at our College-gates, might have shown tricks like Tumblers in a hoop, through his Thumb-ring; King Arthur's tallest Knight would have scarce trust his points. The Bullhide, that cut out in Thongs, compassed as much ground as the walls of Carthage, could not make him a Girdle.  Dist. 
I wonder how any man had so much leisure as to look about him, and draw his description.  Descr. 
O sir ex pede Herculem.  Defi. 
Him succeeded Corpus, surnamed Animatum; him Animal, who was named Rationale, and begat Homo.  Divis. 
He had two wives, the other was Irrationale.  Dist. 
Sure that Irrationale had many Husbands, I have known her married to above Twenty myself.  Opp. 
Why? had not all the rest so? Substance, Corpus, and Corpus animatum, my son Privation, if he were here, could tell their names.  Defi. 
Where is he?  Opp. 
He hath lain a long time bedridden, deaf, blind, and dumb.  Defi. 
I am sorry for him.  Divis. 
Who are next Definition?  Defi. 
Homo begat Socrates, Plato, and the rest.  Divi. 
Now thou seest Description, Nature gives with two hands; with one the gifts of the body, with the other the qualities of the mind; so to these men she hath now given more understanding than unto Substance, Corpus, and those in former time.  Desc. 
But may it not be doubted, whether Socrates and Plato were of this Country; I could never hear that they had much to do with Substance.  Dist. 
'Tis true, if you mean Substance as the Vulgar do, for wealth: But if you understand it as we do, the Province, questionless they had.  Opp. 
I say they had not, and can prove it: They were Philosophers, were they not?  Dist. 
Yes.  Oppo. 
And Philosophers have no place here.  Dist. 
And why not Sir?  Oppo. 
Because ignorant fellows have not, it holds from contraries.  Dist. 
So it pleaseth you to conclude Sir; but how prove you that Sir?  Oppo. 
They are Transcendents over all the Provinces, and therefore cannot rightly be said to be in any.  Descr. 
Indeed they say, Homer had seven Cities strove for his Birth, but none ever gave him place of abiding: but I thought Philosophers had more certain abode than a wandering Poet.  Oppo. 
They are in Substance, for they love to stand by themselves, and depend on none: They are in Quantity, for ignorant men are in number many, in magnitude monstrous.  Des. 
I think least of all in Quantity, for they are rather in number infinite; and I cannot tell whether they have Longitude and Latitude, I am sure they have no profoundness.  Dist. 
Profoundness either may be taken for deepness of judgement and understanding, and that they are far from, or for thick grossness, and that in them is most palpable.  Oppo. 
They are in Quality: for who so fat, fair, strong, and lusty as they? out of Relation they cannot be: You have ignorant Rulers, ignorant Subjects, ignorant Tutors, and ignorant Scholars: who more in Action? who more passionate in all places, at all times? who use more gestures? Who better apparelled?  Defi. 
For the particulars, you Description, take this our Licence, by which we do authorise you to go through the Country, and take notice of the names and Differences of them all: For us it is sufficient to set down these things in general.  Defi. 
Belike Sir, you mean I shall not die in idleness?  Div. 
Shall we proceed to some other Province?  Exit. Defi. 
I must first have the assistance of Lord Demonstratition; I can do nothing without him.  Oppo. 
Why send you not Distinction for him?  
Go tell him we expect his coming; entreat him to make haste.  Enter Proposition. Prop. 
Now my Lords, as you love yourselves, or respect the State, employ your careful providence with all expedition.  Defi. 
Why? what is the matter? good Proposition speak.  Prop. 
Oh, I shall speak too soon: Our Lord Discourse, is fall'n stark mad.  Divi. 
fall'n mad? Oh fatal calamity!  Defi. 
What shall we do?  Prop. 
Nay, worse than this.  Oppo. 
Worse cannot be.  Prop. 
Demonstration, Topicus, and Fallacy, are hot in contention who must govern.  Oppo. 
How comes Fallacy near him, lately he could no endure him?  Propo. 
I know not how: but now he seems exceedingly to affect him.  Defi. 
Have they no more care of their Father? this is too bad; 'twere good for to take some order with them presently.  Div. 
Let us go visit him, hereafter we will go finish these businesses.  Exeunt.  

SCENA secunda.  Enter Ambiguity. Amb. 
HE is not here: 'tis common to say, He is a true man that never deceiveth his Master: and I think it may properly be said, He is a rare Master that never deceiveth his man. This is not the first time my Master Fallacy hath sent me on such idle errands: He is right like the fellow that when he had nothing to steal, filled his Pockets with Rushes: rather than he will deceive nobody, he will deceive me. But let him take heed he play not like the mad fellow Aiax, who when he had left nothing else to kill, slew himself: and so when he can no longer cozen others, he'll cozen himself: His golden Letters, written with an angel's quill, will do him no good: But here I think he comes; no, it is Distinction: This Villain I can no more endure than Demosthenes could Photion: he is the fatal Axe of all my Policies, the Atropos of all my subtle Devices.  Enter Distinction. Distin. 
My Lords, what are they gone? it had been folly for them to stay for Demonstration.  Ambig. 
He must not be of our Council, if Opposition should chance to come.  Dist. 
There was ado indeed: Old Discourse talking nothing but of Quadratures, of Circles, of Lines running nearer and nearer, but never coming together: of Hexities, Ideas, Quintessences, Sublimations, Corporal Ubiquities, infinite Quantities, Consubstantiations, Transubstantiations; things beside impossible: I wonder what he means; surely he is besides himself.  Amb. 
Well, I must adventure on him, delay may prove dangerous. How now Distinction, what news is stirring?  Distinct. 
Oh Sir, I see that stirring head of yours is weary of our better state: you listen to hear of some new change?  These words he speaks aside to himself. Amb. 
What are there windows in my breast? this fellow knows my heart.  
Not I Distinction.  Dist. 
No, you are Ambiguity.  Amb. 
You may mistake me.  Distinct. 
Yes, if I take thee for any other than thou art.  Ambig. 
What's that Sir?  Distinct. 
An honest man.  Ambig. 
Indeed you say true, he doth mistake me that thinks me other than an honest man.  Distinct. 
But you say false: I say he doth mistake that takes thee for an honest man, otherwise than thou art.  Ambig. 
Why Distinction? 'tis not you can find fault with my honesty.  Dist. 
No, I'll be sworn.  Ambig. 
Why say you so then?  Dist. 
Because I can find no honesty with thy faults.  Ambig. 
Come, come Distinction, if I have been faulty, you know no man is borne without faults.  Distinct. 
Yes, and I think there are few faults borne without thee.  Ambig. 
Come prithee, thou art always disposed to cross me, but I will not fall out with thee for a Kingdom.  Distin. 
You would for a lesser matter, if fear did not hold your hands.  Ambig. 
Sir you shall know my hands be free.  Distinc. 
Why, you will not draw Sir?  Ambig. 
Yes, I will Sir.  Distinc. 
What, not your Sword?  Ambig. 
No, good Distinction, I love thee too well; I'll draw my Purse, with all my heart, to do thee good.  Dist. 
I thank you good Amphoteros: but I fear you have two Purses, as he had two Chests; one full of money, the other of thanks.  Ambig. 
That I have, my dear Oudeteros, and if thou wilt go with me, I will draw them both; the one to pay for the wine we will drink, the other to thank thee for thy Company.  Distinc. 
Well, I'll go with thee.  Exeunt.  

SCENA TERTIA.  Enter Opposition. Oppo. 
I Cannot conjecture wherefore Fallacy is so desirous to speak with me, he requested I would meet him here sometime before we fate, and yet he is not come. Now I do wonder I was so much moved at his carriage in this business, I begin to pity his poor fortune: Alas, that he was base borne; but what of his base birth? Hercules was base borne, so was Romulus, so many Worthies: He seems to have more wit than both his Brothers, and although that be counted such a blot, yet who can condemn him? it was no fault of his; but what if there hath gone a bad report of him? why he may mend in time. Was not Themistocles a dissolute young fellow, yet who proved a braver Soldier? Oh 'tis Magistracy shows the man; what hopes? what encouragements hath he ever had? still kept under and disgraced; neither is his Title altogether nought: and nowadays 'tis a small right a man would forgo for want of standing to it; I cannot blame him and a little thing more would make me favour him.  Enter Ambiguity laughing in Distinctions coat. Ambi. 
O wonderful operation, two or three drops of this Wine fuming into his head, turned his brains like the fans of a Windmill, and then his tongue like a clack began to talk on both sides; every thing was taken dupliciter; he talked pure Scot, and Thomas Occham and Caietan might have learned some new School-learning from him: but this storm held not long, ere a still calm followed this violent tempest; and he fell fast asleep, and I think I was not long uncasing the Fox; he was so ready but now to give a double interpretation of every word I spoke, and I think (to be quits with him) I shall make more than a single use of this Cloak: first by this shift I have left him to pay for the Wine, then by this disguise I may unsuspected come to deliver my Master's Letter at the Bench, if Opposition come not before: But I think mine eyes are dazzled; he is here, and I saw him not.  Oppo. 
And I saw you, but I knew you not.  Amb. 
My Master Fallacy by me kindly greets you Sir, and would have met you here himself, but was detained with extraordinary business, and desirous more closely to impart his mind unto you, by these his Letters doth express the same.  He delivers the Letters. 
I doubt not but 'twill do; oh there is great hope: some think the mediation of Angels may help in Heaven; I am sure Angels are the best intercessors in Earth: when they become Orators, there is no doubt of propitious audience. There is no reading to the golden Legends: This Chrysostom's Style is most persuasive. Hath he done since? I think if it had been longer, it would not have seemed tedious.  Oppo. 
You may tell your Master from me, I have perused his Letters, know his mind, and will give him my best assistance; bid him be confident.  Amb. 
I will Sir.  Exit. Oppo. 
Well that's all; I never did hate this Fallacy, and of late I saw matter deserving pity in him; but now I see he loves me, he is willing to rely upon me, he dares so far trust me, he doth promise to advance me, I cannot choose but love him, I must needs help him, I will do my best to honour him: well, here they come.   

SCENA QVARTA.  Enter Definition, Division, Demonstration, Fallacy, Topicus, Proposition. Defi. 
GOod Reduction charge Conclusion to keep him fast, and if he chance to break from him, do you assist him. Come young Lords, I would I could persuade you altogether to desist from these troublesome contentions; but if that may not be, this is a fitter place than your sick and distempered Father's house; let us hear what you would have, what you can plead for yourselves.  Demon. 
Then why do not some dim & purblind Stars,  
Corrivals with the thrice most glorious Sun,  
Sue at the Throne of heaven's Majesty  
To rule the Day? 'twere less presumption  
Than this of these competitors of mine:  
For were not I by my Nobility,  
And most apparent births prerogative,  
In all men's sight, to be preferred, before  
This Topicus, and bastard Fallacy:  
Yet were my worth, great worth, beyond compare,  
To prove my claim just, all-sufficient.  
I from the State long since have banished  
Gross ignorance, and that her cursed spawn,  
Vild superstitious Admiration,  
The Tyrant of the vulgar simple minds:  
I the chief shower to my Lord Discourse,  
All the most strange and wonderful effects  
Of closer working Nature have set forth,  
The hidden cause locked from common eyes  
In deep, scarce-searchable Obscurity,  
I opened wide to his illustrious view.  
I the renowned Champion of Truth,  
Have her defended 'gainst her proudest foes,  
And many combats for her honour fought,  
Never returning conquered from the field,  
And therefore now to any scorn to yield.  Defi. 
You may speak Topicus.  Top. 
If any words of mine may find attention,  
In your not yet fully possessed ears,  
Nor shall it seem presumption to you  
judicious Lords, which seems so palpable  
To prejudicious Demonstration,  
That I my title dare maintain with him;  
Your reverent wisdoms are not ignorant  
That though he hath been honoured more of late,  
Yet was I borne before him; then if he  
For birthright claimeth aught, 'tis due to me:  
Nor to his high prized worth inferior,  
Are my deserts not undervalued?  
If he his foe in close and narrow lists  
Have, as he bravely vaunts, encountered,  
And that not often, for none-profiting  
Only, self-pleasing, Contemplation,  
The single combats oftener fought by me  
In just defence of your impaired rights,  
Are no less famous, no less known to you:  
Besides, I always in the Champion field  
Of Rhetoric well levied forces led,  
Chief Muster-master to the Sovereign Liege,  
Our high Commander and chief General,  
Under truth's colours many skirmishes  
I have endured, won many Victories:  
Then let me for the King, for truth, for you,  
In all your causes never wont to fail,  
For mine own self in this mine own prevail.  Opp. 
If you have done, let's hear young Lord Fallacy.  Fall. 
If that my vows, or tears, my gracious Lords  
Conjoined with yours, could move the angry Heavens,  
This doubtful question should not trouble you:  
Thou shouldst great King enjoy thy right, and we—  Opp. 
(Oh admirable piety!)  Fall. 
Would rest as happy still enjoying thee:  
But since that fate, (O hard and cruel fate)  
Denies him his right mind, denies us him,  
Envies us all this great felicity,  
Who may more hope his regency t'attain,  
Than he in whom his virtues most remain  
Nor let it any thing impeach my right,  
That unadvised Demonstration  
Objects to me, base birth, who doth not see  
His Father he disgraceth, and not me;  
If aught he from his Mother's right doth claim,  
Let him enjoy it, I'll him not deceive.  
But if he at his Father's rule doth aim,  
He was my Father too, and by his leave,  
Although I chanced not to have with him one mother  
On the best side, I am his elder brother.  
Nor are my virtues meaner than my birth,  
Witness those many difficult attempts,  
Which quite impossible for any else  
To hope t'achieve, with expedition,  
And not without success, I have performed.  
Witness that most rare service to this Realm,  
Which I with diligence have executed.  
Discourse his chief controller in the state,  
truth's sole solicitor, common Attorney  
In all the causes which concern the Land:  
And all this, though by far exceeding all,  
Which my Competitors can promise you,  
If to my first deserts you give due meed,  
With future industry I vow to exceed.  
If they which most they can, (and who can less?  
Shall scarce defend, scarce defence asking right,  
I will your weakest causes fortify,  
And make appear most strong in most men's sight.  
Who hates us, shall not think us overthrown;  
Who favours us, shall swear the right our own.  
Now all this that I might effect for you,  
Let me receive at your hands what's my due.  Divi. 
My Lord speak what you think.  Defin. 
Did you as true Piety (which is a reverent and grateful respect of your Parents) commands you, strive who should have the greatest part in lamenting this his Ecstasy, (which is a Distraction of his brains, or a privation of those gifts of understanding, which of late he happily enjoyed) I should give you equal praise; (which is the deserved testimony of a virtuous action) but seeing you carried by Ambition, (that violent passion, which desireth nothing but honour) into these Civil Divisions: (which are Dissensions, disquieting your friends, and delightful to your enemies) To say no more, I can commend none of you. But because justice (which is a perpetual and constant will to give to every man his due) doth warrant me to define this present controversy, if you will stand to my Judgement, (which is the censure I shall give) Demonstration, the noblest son of Discourse, by the Lady Necessity, (who concludes all things which he undertakes so truly, so immediately, so surely) shall succeed in his father's dignity: (which is his kingdom and place in this realm) what thinks Division?  Divis. 
These three that sue for Discourse his dignity, are either true born sons, or base borne: the true borne plead either in right of birth, or of desert; their birth they either commend from Priority, or Nobility; their deserts either they set out from their greatness, or from their goodness. Now because base born sons never inherit, I think Fallacy hath no right at all. Again, because Primogeniture hath been always preferred before great birth, and often good works serving for use and action, are better than seldom great effects, which tend to nothing but to Admiration and Contemplation: I Judge Topicus, Discourse his eldest son, by meaner Parentaged Probability, in that, in all matters, at all times, we shall have use of him to be chosen before Demonstration, second son, though begotten on nobler descended Necessity, of whose virtue we have so seldom experience.  Oppo. 
If you have spoken, you may give me leave: I therefore think neither Demonstration fit, nor Topicus worthy, and therefore choose Fallacy.  Defin. 
Why so?  Opp. 
Ask not my reason, I stand for him or none.  Fall. 
He is base borne, and base birth, is a vile condition, which to them that are unlawfully begot doth purchase infamy, and bereaves them of all hope of succession.  Opp. 
Now I think him as true borne as the best; for Demonstration, I always suspected him to be thy son, because he was so like thee; but now I am persuaded so, seeing thee to stand so mainly for him.  Divis. 
Nay good Opposition, either speak more advisedly, or hold your peace.  Opp. 
What I have spoken I will stand to it; I will maintain it.  Defi. 
We must bear with you, 'tis your nature to be crossing us perpetually.  Divis. 
Then Proposition it is you must end this controversy, Pray speak quickly, 'tis your voice must do it.  Prop. 
If that three Dukedoms, all of equal worth,  
To these three, all thrice-worthy, noble Lords  
Should by our sentence be distributed,  
I quickly would decide all doubt; but now  
All having equal interest in my love,  
All equally deserving in mine eyes,  
I swear I know not whom I should prefer  
Before the rest, lest I should do the rest  
More injury than right to him: therefore  
Let me entreat you take some other course,  
For the determining of this weighty strife.  Defi. 
Well then young Lords, you must needs rest a while contented, till we can find some other means to compose these differences, wherein we will use the speediest means we can invent.  Fallacy takes Opposition aside, and whispers him in the ear to send Contradiction. Exeunt. Fall. 
You see dear Brothers how this subtle States,  
Defer this controversy to decide,  
That keeping us from dignities, they may  
Themselves be this Realms only Governors:  
I therefore loving you, and this our State,  
Hating such Machiavellian Policy  
Sit down unto you, as you can agree,  
Let either of you rule the State for me.  Exit. Demon. 
And 'twould no less befit you Topicus  
To know yourself, and learn of Fallacy  
To yield unto your betters.  Topi. 
You say true:  
To know myself I well may learn of him,  
For you are ignorant, and know me not,  
Else I persuade myself, as he to both,  
You would give place to me.  Demo. 
I do confess  
I know thee not, for Demonstration  
Looks not so low, with his inquiring eye,  
In greater matters only busied.  Topi. 
Oh somewhat 'twas you ne'er could know yourself,  
Your higher gazing thoughts could ne'er descend  
To so vild abject a baseness.  Enter Contradiction. Contra. 
Now brave spirits,  
Why suffer you our State unmanaged,  
yourselves dishonoured? You are slothful Lords.  Demon. 
Brave spirit, and can I endure  
To be called base and abject?  Topicus. 
Thou mistak'st,  
Those words were only spoken unto me.  
And Contradiction calls thee slothful Lord.  Contra. 
Now let your noble courage show itself,  
If you neglect this so fair-offered place,  
You worthy are to live in dishonour.  Demon. 
Rather as the Lightning shall my courage pierce  
Through any Clouds, that likely are to obscure  
My brighter glory.  Topic. 
May the foulest mouths  
Of the base vulgar spit upon the face  
Of my unspotted credit, if for want  
Of courage I abandon these my hopes.  Contra. 
Should I through mine own fault be hindered  
In such attempts, oh I should kill myself,  
And on myself I would take just revenge.  Demon. 
And shall my brother seek to thrust me down,  
And I endure it? Oh the name of a King  
Is better than the common vulgar name  
Of Brother. Topicus, look to thyself,  
He that my right and honour shall deny,  
If I do live and breath, shall surely die.  Topic. 
Fond Demonstration, rather than I'll yield,  
Appoint the place, I'll meet thee in the field.  Cont. 
What fitter place than this? where be the weapons?  
Fie, fie, how dare you go so unprovided?  Dem. 
Go fetch thy weapons, I will not be long.  Top. 
But I shall think so till I meet with thee.  Exeunt.  

SCENA QVINTA.  Enter Distinction in Ambiguities cloak. Dist. 
I Think that Villain Ambiguity was borne to do me harm, I never was so overtaken by any as by him: No sooner had I put the Cup to my lips, but my wits shook hands with my head, and left me to be arrested by dull Sergeant Sleep, so like a bankrupt Merchant, I was fain to lot down my Shop-windows, and I think yet had not opened them: but that which plagued me worse, up comes a Drawer, and delivering me from that prison, was like to have me waking to another, unless I would pay for the Wine, which that Rascal had promised to bestow upon me, which I had scarce done, when looking about me, I found the Villain which had left me witless and money less, lest me also cloakless, till I saw where the fork-tongued Snake had cast this his particoloured skin. Now I could be angry with myself for my simplicity: but see the villain Enter Ignoratio Elener .hath sent Ignoratio Elener the fool, his fellow, to laugh at me; this would make Demotritus melancholy.  He pulls down his Hat, and walks aside. Ignor. 
What Ambiguity, are you studying? My Master Fallacy bade me deliver you these Keys, and would you should lock up this Viol where you found it: He gives them to Distinction, who goes away with them .Remember now you had them forsooth I may not be admitted to his Closet, I am too honest; but if I be not deceived this fellow is not so worthy to be trusted. Now be shrew his heart, he is gone without part of my message: I should have told 'em, he was to contrive some accusations against the Ladies of Verona, this wits I know would be working that way, and I must follow.  Exit. Enter Opposition, Contradiction, and Fallacy. Fall. 
But say, where are our Brothers? oh I long  
To understand how well your love succeeds.  Cont. 
Breathless and wounded both of them I left,  
And ere my coming from them, they began  
To faint with bleeding.  Fall. 
Bled they very much?  Cont. 
Exceedingly.  
Well, so their streaming veins  
Shall serve as Conduits dropping claret wine,  
To solemnize my Coronation:  
And now I cannot but applaud my wits,  
And hug my happy Genius that hath thus  
in spite of self-conceited honesty,  
Found forth this passage to my sweet desires.  Opp. 
But shall your old friends escape so? will you not requite their kindness?  Fall. 
Let Definition and Division, both  
Be banished the Court, for Proposition,  
He ne'er opposed himself against me much,  
We may procure his love, and use his help;  
And therefore let him stay. But you  
Lord Opposition, willingly I make  
My sole or chiefest Counsellor of State,  
By whom in all affairs I will be ruled.  
You Contradiction. whereso e'er I go,  
I choose to bear my sword: to your fair trust  
Committing both my fortunes and myself.  Opp. 
ne'er may we thrive in this new policy  
If we maintain not what we have begun.  Fall. 
I do believe you, and rely on you;  
And therefore know, that not an hour since  
I by a sly devised subtlety,  
Have luckily surprised the Lady Truth,  
With her two famous Daughters; now in doubt  
How I might best captive their constant thoughts,  
I fain would hear your resolutions.  Opp. 
Were it my care I would enforce them straight.  Con. 
They should not eat, nor drink, nor rest on minute.  
Nay, I would torture, and torment them all,  
Till they did yield submissly to my pleasure.  Fall. 
I think such means at first too violent,  
I'll try how glozing words, and kind entreaties  
Can work upon them: You know not the force  
Of well conveyed dissimulation,  
Therefore go you, and through Parrhesia,  
Proclaim my lawful just succession.  Opp. 
I will my noble Lord.  Fall. 
And do you hear?  
To make my name more gracious, more beloved,  
I will no longer be called Fallacy:  Exit. Oppo. 
Stile me great Sophime. You Contradiction,  
Let Definition and Division know  
What is our pleasure to be done with them.  Cont. 
I ne'er did any thing more willingly.  Exit. Fall. 
I myself,  
My project will pursue immediately;  
methinks my hopes assure me. Now damned slaves,  
Disloyal and unfaithful miscreants,  
Think ye that I will trust your villainies?  
No: these distempered, quarrelling, fighting fellows.  
Most not be conscious to our Policies,  
They will rip open one another's breast,  
And prostitute their hearts to vulgar view:  
Therefore the next thing that I will contrive,  
Shall be their ruin: Dead dogs cannot bite:  
That done, I fear not Fortune's envious spite.  Exit.   


Actus tertius, Scena prima.  Enter Description. 
IF I go any farther let me be frozen to death, like Sir Hugh Willowby, or be made Cuckold with the tedious Traveller Ulysses: It were impossible to see all, yet I should see more than I should be able to relate, and like monsieur, or Sir john Mandovill, relate more than any would believe. I care not how these women take it. The Tailor in Plutarch would as soon make a habit for the Moon, as any man a Description of them, and so long would it fit them. I think they consist of Materia prima, they are capable of all forms and impressions, but constant to none: And it is no great matter to describe them you see them curiously painted everywhere. And who would e'er thought these Scholars should have so much troubled me: I supposing they had been so like in their humours, as they are agreeable in their formalities, thought first to have drawn the Characters of some of them, but by what time I had observed some Captitious Critics, Fantastic Humorists, and malicious Satirists, I found it no less impossible than perilous to deal with that kind, and indeed am quite dismayed from going any farther in this enterprise. Well, I will deliver back to the Lords their Commission, and rather sue for a Protection. But who comes here, Distinction?  Enter Ambiguity in Distinctions Cloak. Amb. 
How now Description, didst thou see our Sovereign Sophime?  Desc. 
Hath Distinction gotten Ambiguities linsey woolsey Coat? or Ambiguity Distinctions particoloured Cloak? My cunning is quite staggered; I know not whether I should believe mine eyes or mine ears.  Ambig. 
Doth your feeling serve you any better?  He strikes him. Desc. 
Oh, is it you? No wonder I mistook Ambiguity. They say a man may know the Devil by his cloven Foot; I am sure one may know thee by thy double hand.  Ambigu. 
Why double hand? I hope I have not four hands.  Desc. 
Nay, thou hast but one hand rather; thou art Ambo-dexter.  Ambig. 
Is not that best? So Plato would have his Citizens.  Desc. 
But he would not have them double tongued, as you are.  Ambig. 
Then be like Scaliger and Mithridates, who had four and twenty tongues should have had no place in his Commonwealth.  Desc. 
There is great difference. They many ways could speak one thing, thou one way speak'st many things.  Amb. 
That's a sign my words are most significant, which is no small commendation.  Des. 
Right, if the signification be single and true.  Amb. 
Why not double and true?  Des. 
That's impossible.  Amb. 
O gross! what truer than the Oracles, which delivered their minds even with my voice? and who more trusted, whose words cost more, than our common Lawyers, who for their facility in double dealing, and speaking on both sides, are called the Oracles of the City? But tell me, sawest thou my new disguised Master Sophime?  Des. 
I prithee, how cam'st thou by this Cloak?  Amb. 
Thou answer'st not what I ask thee.  Des. 
Nor dost thou ask what I intend to answer thee.  Amb. 
But see here comes mad Discourse, he will make us admirable sport.  Des. 
Well, I will not come near him if he be mad.  Amb. 
Nor I, if he were in his wits.   

SCENA secunda.  Enter Discourse. Disc. 
Certain 'tis so; nay I will maintain it, as long as I have any breath; for I am neither in Delos, nor in the floating Islands of Scotland.  Amb. 
'Twere sitter you were in the Island of Anticyra.  Disc. 
Nor am I in a ship, that I should think the Earth moves.  Amb. 
If you be not, you deserve to be in the ship of fools.  Disc. 
No, no, 'tis even so; the Earth is turned about, his spherical form is apt for such a motion.  Amb. 
You are monstrously deceived, 'tis nothing but the house goes round with you.  Disc. 
Again, the Heavens are of a duller mettle, nothing, but blue Marble.  Amb. 
I'll go talk with him. My Lord Discourse, what Paradox is this, are the Heavens made of Marble.  Disc. 
Dost thou doubt of that? why, in a clear day thou may'st see it plain; and when it rains, those drops are nothing else, but such as fall from the sweating stone.  Amb. 
Somewhat it was, that in the time of Anaxagoras, and as Livy reports, in the 200. year of Rome, it rained.  Disc. 
Thou sayst true, very true. (stones  Amb. 
But what think you of the Sun?  Dis. 
Indeed he is beholding to Nature for a better matter: he is made of bright burnished gold.  Amb. 
If the Sun be gold, I will the sooner believe Sehnus, that there are a people which see him not in half an year; I know some who see not Gold once in twelve Months. But what is the Moon Sir?  Dis. 
Why she is but silver.  Amb. 
I think scarce that Sir. Sure that mettle is not of her Nature; it is often at the wane, but never at the full in my purse.  Dis. 
The Stars begotten betwixt these two, are some bright Angels; others Sovereigns, some round shillings, some but silver groats.  Amb. 
They are happy, whose Nativity these stars favour.  Dis. 
jupiter, when he came to Danae, descended in a Cloak bespangled with these falling Stars.  Amb. 
But how came you to learn all this?  Dis. 
Who I? I have often walked through all the Regions of Heaven.  Amb. 
I believe you have been with Menippus, as far as the Moon: your talk favours of Lunacy.  Disc. 
I tell thee, I have been farther than ever the wit of man could reach.  
I have paced the uttermost extreme outside of the Primum mobile, from whence, many thousand miles below me, I beheld great jupiter, and all the minor gods.  Amb. 
A most strange Traveller; I fear you will come anon to the greatest depth in Hell: 'tis time for me to leave you.  Exeunt. Dis. 
I have been there already many a time,  
Where never Hercules, nor Theseus durst approach:  
Over Avernus, that most loathsome Lake,  
Which never Bird as yet presumed to pass,  
I with my Goose-quill wings have made a slight.  
The dark, light, burning, black fiery flames of cold Phlegeton  
With undazzled eyes I have oft gazed upon.  Enter Reduction. Reduc. 
Come good my Lord, you must needs return with me.  Disc. 
Bid Charon stay my leisure, I'll see first whether it be the same with the Elemental fire, then I'll come.  Red. 
I came not sir from Charon, neither am I going to him.  Disc. 
Who, Reduction? I would thou wert; what wouldst thou with me?  Red. 
Fie my Lord, you will be always in these mad moods, pray will you go with me?  Disc. 
O Heraclitus, well didst thou say, the dry Air was the best soul: for had we not need to melt away into tears, to see the misery of wretched men. (will.  Red. 
Nay weep not good my Lord, you shall have what you  Disc. 
Shall I? so then I will pull out both mine eyes like Democritus, that I may look thoroughly upon the follies of these times, and laugh my full at them.  Red. 
So you were best Sir; but now pray come with me.  Disc. 
I come, I come, I come sir.  Exit singing. Enter Fallacy holding a letter, with Ignoratio Elener. Fall. 
I know not how my presence may disgrace me,  
That Lady hath a quick and piercing eye,  
Able to search beyond the countenance;  
The most reserved and concealed intents:  
I'll keep myself aloof, and stand far off,  
Till she hath swallowed down this guilded bait.  
Then can I draw her wheresoever I list,  
And if the common and divided humour  
Of some self pleasing Poet be not in me,  
I cannot choose but move affection;  
This strain will win her.  he reads to himself. 
Enough, I must be bold and confident:  
Sirrah, go you, commend my dearest love  
With these my letters, to Scientia;  
Tell her I plead not my nobility,  
Great births, or hopeful fortunes, powerful friends,  
Down at her honours thrice most sacred feet,  
I humbly lay these poor and mean respects,  
But me in nought else known ambitious,  
Though now high soaring purest thoughts of love,  
Like Venus' silver feathered Dove have drawn  
Up towards this high Heaven.  Ignor Elen. 
Sir I fear,  
Like some imperfect tempered Meteor,  
Near approaching that high region,  
You soon will vanish, and your blazing love  
Be quite burnt out.  Fall. 
Say first, the glorious light,  
That with kind heat doth cherish all the world,  
Shall suffer in perpetual Eclipse.  Ign. 
Sir fear not, if far protestations  
May do you favour, I'll turn prodigal.  Fall. 
Well, take the chiefest opportunity,  
If I do in joy her, thou know'st not what's thy share,  Ing. 
I go my Lord.  Exit. Fall. 
Mistake you not your errand;  
This is a stupid and forgetful knave,  
But yet my letters may direct 'em:  
I have taught others many times to woe,  
And compose easily their dearest loves,  
Some with new fashioned and fantastic suits,  
I taught to cloak their foul deformities:  
The stale and stiff legged Courtier, I have framed  
To make young congees, and unthawed his joints,  
An old worm-eaten wainscot countenance,  
With a fresh varnish I have made to smile,  
To win the favour of some younger wench;  
Poor sirs, with brokers suits, and borrowed Liveries.  
I have commended to their dim-eyed Dames;  
The greatest hate, and inequality  
To love and reconcilement I have wrought,  
And should myself despair? despair dull fools,  
Fallacy cannot be but fortunate.  Enter Opposition. 
But here comes  
One of my sworn supporters, 'twere full time  
I were delivered of their tedious service;  
I think I am able now to stand alone.  Opp. 
All happiness befall my mighty Sovereign.  Fall. 
Thanks trusty faithful Opposition.  Opp. 
We have proclaimed your Royal Majesty  
Rightful successor to the empty Crown  
Of great Hermenia.  Fall. 
But with what success?  
How stands the Commons to our Reign affected?  Opp. 
As if their fortunes were advanced with yours,  
In volleys of fair acclamations  
Through the spacious regions of the air,  
They send that joy which in their narrow breasts  
Seemed but imprisoned.  Fall. 
And it shall be my care  
To recompense their loves with our deceit,  
For I do hate ingratitude as death:  
I do, Lord Opposition. I well weigh  
How much I am obliged to any; and for you,  
Dear Lord, I would I were the Monarch of the world.  Oppos. 
Would that procure thy noble heart's content,  
No force should bar thee: but we long to hear  
How stand your hopes for fair Verona?  Fall. 
Why my hopes are clear,  
But yet my thoughts are somewhat overcast,  
To think that I should hazard, with myself,  
The yet unthanked loves of all my friends.  
Were't to be tried out by our wit, or words,  
I could be confident; but boisterous force is.  
Yet though I doubt, I fear not, and my friends  
With patience will attend the main event.  He speaks this aside to himself. Oppos. 
What's this my Sovereign speaketh to himself?  
My Lord I understand not what you would,  
But gathering from your unaccustomed phrase,  
That somewhat much concerns you, I request  
Better to be acquainted with your meaning.  Fall. 
Lord Opposition, there's not any man  
Hath greater interest in me than you;  
And therefore look into my deepest thoughts  
Scientia but even now hath sent me word,  
That notwithstanding all her promises  
To Demonstration, she could be content,  
To place her best affections upon me:  
But first entreats me to remove one let.  Oppos. 
One let? now were there twenty thousand lets,  
We would remove them.  She writes. Fall. 
None but judicium's witness to her vows,  
Were he dispatched, she were resolved for me.  Oppo. 
Iudicium? now I'll send him down to hell;  
He may prove witness before Rhadamant,  
But never shall disturb our peace on earth.  Fal. 
Nay, but the matter must be well conceived,  
He hath procured him for his noble friend,  
To bid me combat: which I have accepted;  
And though I cannot well foresee the event,  
I rest in this, my friends will rest content.  Oppo. 
Now I have cause enough of discontent:  
Was not I worthy to have killed the slave?  
Sir, you shall never undergo this action:  
Or if you needs will fight, then fight with me;  
For I do vow, unless you yield in this,  
You kindle that proud heat which cannot die,  
But wrapped up in your ashes, or mine own.  Fall. 
Why, good my Lord, what would you have me do?  
I prize your friendship at my kingdom rate,  
Yet somewhat must esteem my reputation:  
At least be pleased to meet in some disguise:  
'Twas was his request to 'escape from conscious eyes,  
If he survived, me conquered, he might take  
Some mask upon him, which small liberty,  
Presuming if I pleased on the like,  
I granted him.  Oppo. 
This 'tis, when men of judgement  
Do venture on such weighty actions:  
They make all sure, they will prevent the Fates:  
I care not how I kill the villain,  
Or who have credit for it; but I'll kill him.  Fall. 
Then be persuaded to anoint thy blade  
With this enchanted oil, 'tis strong in virtue.  Opp. 
When is the time? where is the place?  Fal. 
'Tis here,  
Within this hour.  Oppos. 
I will but try my sword,  
And surely meet him.  Fall. 
Nay, but hear a word:  
Let me entreat your faithful secrecy,  
And above all things, see you keep it close  
From Contradiction, lest he second you.  Opp. 
I ear not, we men of action use few words.  Exit. Fall. 
Well, I perceive that you have vowed to make  
Hermenia's Lord your vassal. Is he gone?  
Now I could break with laughter. What his harebrained son?  
I'll send to meet him, oh 'twill do me good,  
To see the villains tap each other's blood.  Exit.  

ACT 3. SCAE 3.  Enter Ambiguity, and Ignoratio Elenchi. Amb. 
Now will I blow up this fellow like a soap bubble. It is necessary for great men to keep some fools as well as many knaves,  
They will never dispute their business. And must  
I frame inditements.  Ign. 
Yes, 'tis that I should have told thee sooner.  Amb. 
'tis well I must play the screech-owl and proclaim misfortunes, whilst you become the Mercury of more pleasing messages, employed in tuning the strings of love.  Ign. 
Sir you must do it, like it as you think fit.  Amb. 
I'll think upon it if it be but to sharpen my wits. And prithee noble Ignoratio Sirnam'd Elenchi; wilt thou prove Pander and procurer to any man, thy person promiseth more grace, stain not thy worthiness with so base employments.  Ign. 
I never meant it.  Amb. 
So I think verily, and therefore thou didst undertake it,  
Thy brave spirits scorn such service.  Ign. 
Yes I do scorn it.  Amb. 
Thou dost know thyself.  Ign. 
I think I do, and admire myself as much as another.  Amb. 
Methinks thine own idea should be thy only Mistress.  Ign. 
I must confess I know not that shape that I could ever affect so well.  Amb. 
Why then should not these parts raise thee, Nature and Fortune have conspired about thee. Take but this opportunity, and triumph over the world.  Ign. 
I doubt not that but I have a farther reach, 'tis here, 'tis here will do it.  Amb. 
I warrant 'tis some admirable plot.  Ign. 
I'll to the cunning man for some enchantments.  Amb. 
Out upon it, work by witchcraft, 'twill never prosper.  Ign. 
Then I will use some other means.  Amb. 
What's that.  Ign. 
Why any thou wilt council me.  Amb. 
Then be ruled by me. Thou know'st our master now is called the great Sophism.  Ign. 
Yes.  Amb. 
And thou art Ignoratio Elenchi.  Ign. 
I am so.  Amb. 
Now thou art employed upon an honourable message.  Ign. 
Well.  Amb. 
Proclaim thyself Ambassador.  Ign. 
You say true; turn Ambassador, but I am no good speaker.  Amb. 
We will help that too; Thou hast his letters, open them, learn to pronounce them, take his person, frame his posture, speak as if thou wert the man thou seemest, she will not choose but answer expectation. Be sure thou act this before good company, a contract is nothing worth without witness.  Ign. 
Wouldst thou be there I should speed much the better.  Amb. 
I will not fail thee, go and make thyself most richly fine.  Ign. 
I warrant you, you seldom see a man of my wits want good clothes. I'll about it straight.  Exit. Amb. 
I care not if I cross my master in this project, we Creatures of the lower region, never do worse than when the higher bodies grow in conjunction. If the master once fry in a husbandish affection, the man may freeze and starve in expectation.  Exeunt.  

ACT 3. SCAE 3.  Enter Fallacy and Contradiction. Fall. 
Dear Contradiction, use all secrecy,  
And for my credit get thee some disguise,  
Nor speak to him by any means, thy voice  
May shame us.  Cont. 
If he understand my blows so 'tis,  
He gets no word of me.  Fal. 
Here, take with thee this powder, rub therewith  
The instruments of thy revengeful wrath;  
And, as most virtuous, be victorious.  Exeunt.   


Act. 4. Scae. Prim.  Enter Conversion, Aequipollency. Conv. 
Can Aequipolency endure all this? Can all this be endured by Aequipolency?  Aequip. 
Who I Conversion? I can suffer any thing, 'faith there's nothing that I cannot suffer. Prithee be ruled by me, stand to the present.  Conv. 
I am no Stoic.  Aequip. 
So it seems, thou art rather a Pythagorean Peripatetic, thy very essence is mutability. Thy soul could walk through more Sects than some honest bodies have changed suits: methinks thou mightst do well at home by temporising.  Conv. 
Oh these Climates are too cunning, I must seek further.  Aequip. 
Read Lipsius' Constancy, let that confirm thee.  Conv. 
Faith he will lead the next way from Leyden to Douai,  
That it may be I may make use of him,  
Did not these troubles banish me: I would go voluntary:  
Your finest wits are thought insipid till  
They have passed the salt water.  
Our homespun learning's of a courser thread,  
It's stained and smoked in dressing.  
The Germans vates drenched in a deeper grain,  
Venice and Padua will return them richer;  
And I begin to pity thy wilfulness. What course intendest thou?  
'Twere thy best, being skilled in tempering  
Confections, to proclaim some Paracelsian  
Oil, or Angelical pills.  Aequi. 
Nay, I'll rather profess the making of Aurum potabile, and credit it with some two leaves of reasons, and ten of authority, for all diseases, griefs, and maladies. But which way art thou bent?  Conv. 
I will to Flushing, Middleborough, Amsterdam, peradventure thence to Antwerp, and so to see Rheims and Room.  Aequip. 
Take heed you come not back by Quinborow there is a groom with a currycomb will rub your sides. But if you may be persuaded, it is as easy to lay down your stomach at home, as feed yourself abroad by making buttons; you may sooner be preferred to the Inquisition then to the Conclave.  Conv. 
Well, except the morrow Sun display more comfort, I am gone believe it.  Equip. 
You hope at your return to get a doctorship the cheaper, or a benefice with less ado, but you may be deceived, I will expect your reconversion, adieu.  Exit. Conv. 
This fellow thinks himself as cunning as a tumbler that walks upon ropes, and with his level keeps himself upright, but his steps are dangerous, I had rather walk on the Alps, though sleeper, where I may have sure footing.  Exit.  

ACT 4. SCAE 2.  Enter Invention. 
ay, who my restless wits have daily tied,  
In searching choicest objects of delight:  
Though none more grateful, none more tedious  
Than that most blessed content which they enjoy,  
Who underneath the courteous Laurel shade,  
In muse's laps do rest their weary heads;  
But now alas, what proud ambition,  
What jealous envy, greedy avarice,  
Hath cast infection on those purer springs?  
They whose kind steel was sometimes only proud  
In giving waxen tablets, some cured wounds,  
In their own ireful, and all hardened breasts,  
Imprint the tragic characters of death  
Hot in pursuit of lost lord Intellect;  
I am informed by Definition,  
My best esteemed loving Topicus  
Lies desperate hurt by Demonstration.  
So 'twixt my dear affection to him  
And bounden duty to my absent Lord,  
My hearts divided with convulsions,  
But pardon me great Amina, thy son  
Commands my service, this one duty done.  Enter Description. Desc. 
Well met Invention, what have you found young Lord Intellect?  Inv. 
No, and which adds to my misery, I hear I am like to lose myself, my dear friend Topicus.  Desc. 
Indeed he is hurt, but our fear was greater than their danger, and it is happened better than they deserved. There is good hope of recovery.  Inven. 
Thanks good Description for this happy news, but are you certain that the danger's past.  Disc. 
It is most certain, and I would wish the other miseries which have so unexpected befallen us, were likely to have so hopeful an issue.  Inven. 
There by Lady Method and the banished lords,  
How miserable you are all become,  
By great Discourses strange Distraction.  
Met you with Method? Oh she was too impatient and unkind to forsake our Sovereign in his extremity: her presence might have yielded him especial assistance.  Inven. 
Pardon and pity that distressed Queen,  
Whose tender heart, oppressed with her grief,  
Would break with any rough or unkind touch.  
As towards Rheims I did direct my pace,  
I overtook a weary fainting voice,  
Which I approaching nearer found was hers,  
Alas, quoth she, I long since banished  
From the disordred Regions of the world,  
Have been contented in this only place,  
With old Discourse, my till now loving lord,  
Till now to live under his lovely roof:  
I always lay 'twixt his well folded Sheets,  
I ever have enclasped him in mine arms,  
Lest he should want delighting ornaments,  
Or for his plainness pass with less regard,  
I all the day have wooed the Sciences,  
To make him rob the longest coldest nights,  
I have sat reaving up the finest arts,  
And put into his hand a curious thread  
Wherewith he guided hath his certain steps  
Through many crooked winding Labyrinths;  
And now my Theseus, ah my kinder Theseus!  
Unwillingly was forced to leave his love,  
Cruel discourse doth rudely cast me off,  
And threatens me if I come near to him.  
Here I stepped in, and with the fairest means  
My troubled thoughts could find, persuaded her  
To change her resolution, and return;  
Which having half effected, there came on  
Old Definition with Division,  
Who caring less their own then her estate,  
Are minded closely to return with her.  
My Love to Topicus hath caused me  
To use more haste, although assured by you  
Of his recovery; I have been content  
To favour thus myself, and let you know  
Of Prethod's kind intention to return.  Descrip. 
I thank you Sir, and will accompany you.   

ACT. 4. SCAE. 3.  Enter Ambiguity and Ignoratio. Amb. 
Thou shouldest have starched thy beard, or got some Bearskin on thy head; at least have powdered thy hair like an Ash-wednesday penitent; one device now would do most admirable.  Ign. 
Impart it dear genius, if my wit can reach or wealth compass it, I will have it immediately.  Amb. 
Nay 'tis soon done, 'tis not so much as a major's feast or Citizens christening. Thou hast heard how Simon circumvented the Trojans.  Ign. 
Yes, with a great wooden-horse; Must I get such an one?  Amb. 
(Yes, a great leaden-ass) No, but you must counterfeit yourself a captive, stand with your hands fast bound and legs entangled, That will signify your enthraldom. The Lady pitying your restraint, will untie your hands, and wrap you in her arms; then may you enclasp her girdle and untie the true-love-knot of her virginity.  Ign. 
That will be most significant; But what do you think if (because Love is blind) I went on blindfold, sure I should speak the bolder.  Amb. 
It would do excellent, Nox & Amor, Darkness and Drunkenness, Blindness and Love, are ever well matched.  Ign. 
So then I'll wear this Scarf.  Amb. 
I'll help thee. Now, how canst thou speak?  He pronounces some of Fallacies Letters. 
It must be louder, she will not endure a chamber voice, thou must yawn Like one that gapes for a Benefice: open like an Oyster, that she may gather the pearls of thy speech.  He goes on pronouncing. 
Oh that we had some Pebble-stones, such as Demosthenes used; but hold, it may be this will serve; Spare my fingers he gags him. but while I tell a hundred. I warrant thee this will make thee like a chirping Sparrow. Now will I leave the Coxcomb to adventure, and 'tis full time. What black Herald comes here.  Exit. Enter Contradiction disguised. Cont. 
What, this is not the place where base Iudicium and I should meet, thinks he to prevent me, I will requite his diligence, but stay, he hath no weapons: now the Coward Rogue would yield my prisoner, but he shall not scape me so; I'll Bastinado him at least.  Contradiction pulls off his Scarf. 
Is this Sientia's Chaplain? he's very still, now what ails him! I'll see for the blow I gave him.  He pulls out the gag. Ign. 
Now Sir, with all my heart, if you will have my purse.  Contradiction strikes him and departs. Exit. Ig. 
Is this to be an Ambassador, to have no law of Arms nor liberty of legs to protect me; now my only revenge is to hold my peace and be silent, which if I can do, I may prove counsel to the veriest Wittol. I am at a stand whether I shall go on in sure, or give it over; I must be better counselled.  Exit. Enter Proposition and Iudicium. Iud. 
And can he nowhere here about be found.  Pro. 
No not by any inquisition.  Iud. 
And I by Fallacies advise him sought  
Towards Verona, but alas in vain;  
The troubles of that City as I was  
Upon the way, by faithful grief informed,  
Equal the stirs here in Parthesia:  
Truth and her daughters being thence expelled,  
And all the rule usurped by Fallacy,  
Those blessed civil laws are disannulled,  
Which to so many glorious Emperors,  
So many ages, in so many lands,  
Have ever been so justly well approved;  
There hath he planted rude and practic friends  
Which grate the Commons, spoil Nobility.  
Betwixt dear brothers and the nearest friends,  
Endeavoured to sow vile dissensions.  
There the most sacred ordinance of Heaven,  
The divine Oracles they falsify,  
And force upon the plain simplicity  
Of easily deceived honest men,  
Frail humane breath and bold traditions,  
With singular fantastic vain conceits.  
As brainsick Dreams, forged revelations:  
That I rest well assured he is not there:  
Although to seek him else I know not where.  Pro. 
Now we may pity our confederates,  
But cannot as we ought, bewail their state.  
Our nearer griefs do hugely overflow  
The just proportion of all humane woe.  Iud. 
What else is befallen you since Discourse  
Became distract?  Pro. 
Opposition and Contradiction contending for the rule,  
Have wounded each the other wilfully.  Iud. 
Is Contradiction hurt? fond vanity  
Under these ever sudden moving Spheres  
To look for rest or seek felicity  
In earth, the well head of salt tears.  
We think him mad, that thinketh in the air,  
To erect a castle or fair monument;  
And through the Seas as passengers we fare,  
Yet dare not dwell upon that element.  
But on th'uncertain, and short prosperous winds  
of favour blooming Fortune we oft raise  
High and huge hopes, to our now calm minds  
Promise eternal Haltionian days.  
But the just heavens all well guiding care,  
lest we forget them in our jollity  
When we in greatest pomp triumphing are,  
Humble our minds with some new misery;  
For what else could our hearts content desire  
But firm assurance of continuing?  
When whilst with joy we others bliss admire,  
ourself straight vexed with fortune's torturing  
With sense do feel how her fierce wrath extends  
From our splits unto our dearest friends.  
But say, is his wound dangerous?  Enter Intellect and Distinction. 
— But see  
Iudicium, here Lord Intellect is come.  Iud. 
All happiness attend your welcome presence.  Intel. 
Thanks good Iudicium, but you are man Distinction whom I must acknowledge the author of my freedom.  Iud. 
Where hath your Lordship been? and whence is it Distinctions honest care hath set you free.  Intel. 
I am indebted to Ambiguity, I was promised by him to be led to a fair library, but was conducted to a Vatican of all villains.  Iud. 
Say good Distinction, how fell this out?  Dist. 
How he fell in you have heard already, and for his deliverance this it was. I by reason of this coat (which how I got I list not now to tell) being taken of Fallacy for Ambiguity received of him these keys, with direction to go to his closet, together with a certain viol he delivered me which my curiosity quickly apprehending, I went and found the young Lord Intellect in one room, the Lady Truth and her daughters in others, all which I have thence delivered.  Prop. 
O act Heroical!  Iud. 
And were you in his closet?  Dist. 
A closet do you call it I will be sworn it is a spacious storehouse of all subtleties, a Burse of impostures, an Italy of poisons, a Frankford of false Authors, there are infinite Iliads of Hermetical precepts, many barrels of white powder, bales of false dice, boxes of false weights, bags of counterfeit coin, golden fishhooks, iron rakes, visards, and dark lanterns for thieves, masks and painting for Gentlewomen; for all he furnished them daily enough to load an Argosy, or a Spanish Carack.  Prop. 
And what was in the viol you named?  Dist. 
O, I thought to tell you: the rarest receipt that ever was composed, Predea nor Circe never made the Like.  Iud. 
What was it poison?  Dist. 
When he gave it me, I marked he said it wrought powerfully, and so mistrusting the effect, tried the conclusion upon a dog I met, which no sooner had tasted a dram of it, but dragging his tail on the ground he grinned and snarled and presently ran mad, which effect I observing, thought I had now opportunity to requite a kindness Ambiguity did me, and so tempering it in a cup of sweet wine, adventured amongst Fallacies followers, who bravely carousing to their good fortunes, let my cup go round amongst them, and presently they all danced Frantic, so that nothing grieved me, but that Ambiguity was not amongst them.  Pro. 
O strange! will any drug cause madness?  Iud. 
Easily. Quid bibit inde furit, I have both read and seen it, and I fear Discourse's madness might have such a cause.  Iud. 
But do you hear Lord Proposition,  
If he through artificial means lies mad,  
As by these signs 'tis more than probable,  
I know he may be helped again by Art;  
Let him but purge and bleed in his head vein,  
I dare to warrant his recovery.  Pro. 
Happy Hermenia, if again she see  
Discourse recovered, and for ever bound  
To your discreet good will and worthy love  
Vouchsafed to us, in your friendly presence.  Iud. 
What cunning Chirurgeon hath Parthesia?  Pro. 
Here's one well practised skilful, fortunate  
Analysis, who hath well nigh recured  
The life-despairing brothers, Topicus and Demonstration.  Jud. 
Let him straight  
Take care of him.  Prop. 
Sir, would you go your fair direction might assist us much.  Jud. 
With all my heart, young Lord pray lead the way.  Exeunt.   


Act. 5. Scae. Prim.  Enter Fallacies followers mad, and singing, and at last fall together by the ears: he coming, they disperse and fly. Fal. 
What Panic fury hath o'errun the world,  
Or universal madness reigns this day?  
Are there nor fellows, those whose subtle brains  
Would have spun forth the finest villainies?  
Those whose sound heads so oft I have employed  
In working deep designments; and see now  
What wild confusion hath ta'en hold of them?  
Was't not enough that truth, and Intellect  
With hated science and opinion,  
Escaped by them, art set at liberty?  
But they in this disordred fashion  
Must make me odious, scorned, and despised?  
Oh that I could convey me from this world,  
Or know where to hide me, but my doors  
Are locked against me, and my wicked walls  
Late surfeiting with filthy luxury,  
Do seem surcharged clean to spew me out.  
Is't possible that I should be thus crossed?  
What is there any goodness in the world  
Of force enough to countervail the wit  
Of proud Fallacy? or is't some fiend,  
Some devil not of his own confederacy,  
That with his counterplots controls my skill?  
Or was myself the cause, my cursed self,  
Lulled asleep in fond security?  Exit. Enter Aequipolency, Analysis leading Discourse. Anal. 
'Twas well you came so timely Aequipolency,  
The memory of this foul imposture may survive  
In that recovered couple.  Aequip. 
Sir they added,  
As they found ease amidst their vomiting,  
Pouring forth curses against Fallacy,  
How for his sake they had thrust the worthy Brothers,  
Topicus and Demonstration, into their desperate fury.  Iud. 
Now I do verily believe Analysis,  
That villain's cause of all, it will appear  
He forced his father's madness.  Anal. 
Aequipolency,  
Leave the perfume behind you. Look you use fresh pigeons,  
Until the venom of their wounds be quite exhaled,  
There were no loss of them but at this time,  
Their words may be produced, therefore pray be careful.  Aequi. 
I will.  He delivers the Perfume, and departs. 
Now let him be brought hither, fear not stirring him,  
I warrant he's secure. Invention  
You shall do well, if against his waking you provide some show,  
And Music, which may welcome home his wandering senses.  Iud. 
I'll see what may be done for both.  Exit. 
Analysis lets Discourse blood.  
Now see Iudicium, here's no blood but humours,  
This black stuff is the excrement of Melancholy:  
This sometimes makes him 'mongst the groves and rivers,  
Pen Sonnets to the Nymphs and Goddesses;  
In good assemblies to withdraw his thoughts,  
And dictate to his Desk and Closet walls,  
Dangers with which a wise man scarce would trust  
His very bosom— this next  
Is Choler, hast thou met with voices,  
Breathing seditious discontent and malice,  
This humour rules them, from this fiery vapour,  
'Tis not the Chair of State or justice seat,  
Can shield the Prince or public Magistrate,  
Yea unto Heaven itself it oft aspires,  
Against Religion and the sacred Arts,  
Casting profane and impurer darts:  
This watery Phlegm, is that which putrifying.  
His springs of breath, infects the neighbouring air  
With blasts of slothful envy, whence destruction  
Casts mists upon the best endeavours.  Iud. 
Now methinks  
The blood appears, 'twere best Analysis  
You stop the Orifice.  Anal. 
Oh his blood  
Is much corrupted. This doth feed that vein  
From whence lascivious Songs, lewd Epigrams  
And obscene Satyrs flow. This itching humour  
Oft keeps him waking: watching, fills his brains  
With giddy phantasms; yet we'll not take too much.  
Bring me the cupping Glass.  Iud. 
What, must he be martyred?  Anal. 
This is most needful, else that windy matter  
Which often grieves him worser than the colic  
Till it break forth, will still continue.  Iud. 
Now I wish  
The hypocaustical and brothel-writers were thus eased,  
Which vent forth volumes faster than the Press  
Can get in rags for Paper.  Anal. 
'Tis enough.  
Light the Perfume: Methinks he moves a little,  
Sweet smells confirm the sense and ease the brain,  
And though no vapour nourish, it conveys  
The spirits to the purest root of life.  Enter Invention with Music and a Show. Inven. 
What stir yet? the Music is at hand,  
Attended with a Mask.  Anal. 
It comes most seasonable.  Jud. 
I think 'twere best we conveyed him in again Analysis,  
And let him rest a while upon his pallet.  Anal. 
It may do well, I will not leave him now  
Until these hopes grow stronger. Let us go.  Exeunt. leading Discourse in. Enter Ambiguity and Fallasie. Amb. 
My Lord, I have contrived the accusations.  Fal. 
Well, let me hear them: mine own wits do fail,  
It may be there is somewhat thought upon,  
May help in extremity: let's hear.  Amb. 
My Lord,  
Forgetful of her honour, mighty Truth,  
In base and mean attire hath walked the streets,  
Yea, which hath made my modesty to blush,  
Stark naked hath she oftentimes appeared,  
And flying better presence, usually  
With children, and gross-pated long-tongued fools,  
And poor distracted persons hath been found,  
On Tavern benches plunged all in Wine,  
By senseless drunkards lovingly embraced.  
she oft hath sucked impure and loathsome breath,  
From their unclean and foul stink-belching throats,  
With most disgraced-esteemed heretics  
Conversing always: never was she seen  
Amongst religious, far more glorious  
And fair appearing holy Confessors.  Fal. 
And have her daughters so demeaned themselves.  Amb. 
The heavens, stars, the Regions of the air,  
The land, the Sea, Scientia hath seen,  
But is a stranger in what most concerns  
The country, families, or private good.  
She is become the only patroness  
Of idleness, and self consuming sloth.  
The quickest spirits, fit for action,  
Being dulled in fruitless speculation:  
Yea many of her most admired strain,  
Puffed with conceits of their all knowing skill,  
Have run stark mad, or in a vilder vein,  
To damned Atheism have been inclined.  
Lady Opinion seeks to insinuate,  
And win good liking with the vulgar sort  
To them, since pleasing objects she propounds,  
And with most curious art and industry,  
Doth both invite, and entertain their loves.  
Prudent and virtuous axioms she hath made  
Distasteful seem, and Paradoxical.  
She sometimes simple, most times subtle is,  
But now deceitful, straight deceivable,  
And only constant in inconstancy.  Fall. 
This will do well, for I must take some course  
To satisfy this overcurious age.  
But what news hear'st thou stirring?  Amb. 
Sir, I hear that Lord Opposition and Contradiction have hurt each other.  Fall. 
So! what dangerously?  Amb. 
Yes, so 'tis said.  Fall. 
I did think so much.  
These fighting fellows will ne'er hold their hands:  
Till they have pulled some vengeance on their heads  
But thank thou Heaven for't, if thou miscarry,  
Assure thyself that thou art only left  
To be the heir of my prosperity.  Amb. 
O Sir, the Heavens intend me no such happiness, the scurvy Apothecary Aequipolency hath with his curiosity drawn out the rancour of their wounds, and no question is made of their recovery.  Fal. 
Is't possible?  Amb. 
Nay, which is as strange, he hath made them friends, and now they nothing but exclaim against you, except it be sometimes when they rail against me for your sake.  Fal. 
Well, we with patience must rest content,  
Thou know'st that innocence is still traduced.  Amb. 
Again Sir, as I was coming hither, I was told that Analysis had let mad Discourse blood, which I laughed at, thinking his head was light enough before.  Fal. 
Discourse let blood, and Opposition  
Past danger, friends with Contradiction—  
'tis time I look about me.  
Now desperate misery inspire some trick,  
I must do somewhat: so, this may do good,  
I may escape so, but do make a vow  
I will take heed of their Parrhesians.  
But now Ambiguity, say my mad father should recover his little wits, and call me to account for my ill government.  Amb. 
You must answer yourself for me.  Fal. 
Answer for thee, why have you deserved so much think you, that you should be called in question.  Amb. 
Sir, I mean you must answer by yourself, I have some skill in accusing, but none in defending.  Fal. 
I care not if I try what I could do. Do you examine like his gravity, I'll answer as I can.  Amb. 
At your command.  Fal. 
But here, take first my Gown, 'twill make me speak the more respectively: give me thy Cloak, now thou mayst be the bolder.  They change. 
Well, when will you begin?  Amb. 
Could I so easily be well assured  
Of your great care to rule, as reads our state,  
I should as gladly thank, as now most loath,  
Condemn your forwardness, and would you knew  
How I dislike these courses ta'en of you.  Fal. 
My gracious Lord, 'tis known I did refrain  
The weighty glory of your government,  
Till my more able brothers sorely hurt,  
Could not themselves, much less the state sustain.  Amb. 
But I do hear you banished have the realm  
My trustiest and best known Councillors.  Fal. 
Doubting my Lord 'mongst many working heads,  
lest some inflamed with ambition,  
By ruin of their Countries common good,  
Might seek to raise themselves; I did remove them  
From meddling with all matters of state.  Amb. 
If it be so, I thank thee Fallacy,  
And do commend thy wise bestowed care.  Fal. 
Now if I could leave him, this robe might serve as a safe conduct. I'll feign some present business, well stay thou here, I in this disguise will muffle myself and see what they do, the Evening approaching will keep my counsel.  Amb. 
Shall I expect you here?  Fal. 
Yes, by all means let me know where to find you.  Amb. 
So, this makes me think what I shall be, careless what I am, and forgetful what I was, I seem half invested in my hopes already. Those sword and buckler fellows I hope will never get his favour more: and now the joys of Hermenia, are not equal to those in my bosom. I would the proudest enemy I have would find me in this fashion, Oh I could look upon them most disdainfully— will nobody come.  Enter Proposition, Description, Conclusio. Desc. 
Was it not told us that Fallacy was here?  Conc. 
And here is somebody; he, or his shadow  Prop. 
'Tis Ambiguity.  Disc. 
Sirrah, where is your Master Fallacy?  Amb. 
Lord Fallacy, my master, is not here;  
His leisure serves not ordinary comers;  
But if you have some earnest suit to him,  
My means may prove your chiefest furtherance.  Pro. 
We thank you Sir, but we must speak with him.  Amb. 
You thank me, what unmannerly and untaught grooms are these, how unacquainted with the phrase and method of the court, I looked they should have answered in a language better understood of great men's favourites. And must you speak with him? I know no business of men of your fashion, but I may have the the hearing of it, suffice it you, I will vouchsafe you answer.  Pro. 
Sir if you will needs know our business. Of Capital  
Treason, we arrest you here,  
As conscious of all those vild designs,  
Which 'gainst our Sovereign and his worthy sons,  
Against this state, and those distressed Ladies  
Of poor Verona, late have been contrived  
By Fallacy and you his damned creature.  Amb. 
What, mean you as you speak?  Disc. 
Yes, and ere we leave you, we will teach you to speak as you mean. Equivocating shall not serve your turn.  Amb. 
Hath Fallacy used me thus, and forsaken me in my extremity.  Pro. 
Come, let us have him to our Sovereign. He shall examine him himself.  Desc. 
Stay, here comes his Majesty.  Enter Discourse leaning upon Invention and Iudicium, Intellect going before, Distinction following. Disc. 
Now honourable friends, our realm and we  
Rest much obliged to your happy loves,  
And so may those ill fortunes prove the last  
Instructions of your frail infirmity.  
As we in service to you, and your state,  
Intend to make some satisfaction.  Iud. 
Sir, our respect to you, our love to yours,  
Makes all that can be found within our power  
Seem but as tribute and deserved duty.  Disc. 
And you young Lord, whose vild imprisonment  
Adds much unto the burden of my wrong,  
I hope will not conceive amiss of us,  
Who tenderly affect you, as our own.  Intell. 
May it please you, now I am returned again so safe,  
I would not for any thing but have been shut up where  
I was, I have seen more than ever I did before.  Disc. 
I easily believe it, what, Distinction, have you the Keys?  Dist. 
I have gracious Lord.  Disc. 
And cannot Fallacy as yet be found.  Prop. 
My Lord, we have surprised here  
One of his chief and nearest followers,  
But of himself, as yet we cannot learn.  Disc. 
And oh I pray he never may be found  
Or heard of more within Hermenia:  
Let him be hated throughout all the world,  
But ever banished from forth the coasts:  
That wretched father, with the wicked son,  
That sought to spoil me of my dearest pledge,  
Have felt in part, the heavens' impartial doom,  
For violating all the laws of love:  
Yet let them when their health and strength shall serve,  
Be both conveyed hence to th' Antipodes:  
And as for that tumultuous frantic crew,  
Which revel it so loosely in our streets,  
Dragging our subjects basely by the ears,  
Let them be shipped away to Barbary,  
And serve as galley slaves till they come there:  
ourselves desiring to make recompense  
For those injurious wrongs which harmless Truth  
And her distressed daughters have sustained,  
Intend forthwith in joy to celebrate,  
Betwixt my sons and those admired Nymphs,  
On either side long wished for Nuptials.  
We hope ere this, our Queen and banish't friends  
Are safe returned, and now courteous Lords,  
Late patient partakers of our woe,  
Let us request of you, that ye this night  
Associate us in feasting and delight.  Dist. 
My gracious Lord, you have forgot Ambiguity, shall not he be racked, I could stretch him exquisitely, I would fain be his Procrustes.  Disc. 
It were but folly to torture him,  
We know too much already, too too much;  
Yet let him straight be whipped out of these parts,  
And if thou lik'st the office, thou thyself  
May'st be his friendly executioner.  Dist. 
With all my heart.  Disc. 
What, come Lords, will you go?  Intel. 
We will attend your Majesty.  Exeunt Disc. Intell. Prop. and Discrip. Dist. 
Oh Sir, you may remember how you used me, I thought I should have a time to deal with you, will you untruss, come, I must unease you, as you did me.  Amb. 
Fallacy hath your cloak, I have it not,  Dist. 
That is no matter, you shall have it so sure as the gown is on your back.  Ambiguity slips his gown and runs away, Distinction follows. Exeunt. Iud. 
Nay, good Invention, since we meeting here  
Have found all things so quietly composed,  
Suiting with our first expectation,  
I must remember you of what you promised  
The verses which you proffered to my view,  
Cannot but fit this opportunity.  Inv. 
I hope I have not lost them, these are they—    

The Epilogue, spoken by Invention.  

SHould this our Play on Common Stage appear,  
Some of the ignorant multitude would swear  
That we chopped Logic; for such strains of Wit  
They still like worse, the better they are writ.  
But you, that fill this Orb, whose ears have hung  
Attentively upon each actor's tongue,  
Who ken where the least string of Art is cracked,  
Where the conceit is proper, and where racked,  
From whence a work is spun, out of what Fleece,  
And know the Woof and Warp of the whole Piece;  
The SOPHISTER doth on your suffrage stand,  
That for his grace, you would put to your Hand.   
FINIS.