An Almond for a Parrot, Or Cuthbert Curry-knaves Alms.  
Fit for the knave Martin, and the rest of those impudent Beggars, that can not be content to stay their stomachs with a Benefice, but they will needs break their fasts with our Bishops.  
Rimarum sum plenus.  
Therefore beware (gentle Reader) you catch not the hicket with laughing.  
Imprinted at a Place, not far from a Place by the Assigns of signor Somebody, and are to be sold at his shop in Trouble-knave Street, at the sign of the Standish.   

TO THAT MOST Comical and conceited Cavaleire Monsieur du Kempe, jestmonger and Vicegerent general to the Ghost of Dick Tarlton.  
His loving brother Cuthbert Curry-knave sendeth Greeting.  
BRrother Kempe, as many alhailes to thy person as there be haicocks in july at Pancridge: So it is, that what for old acquaintance, and some other respects of my pleasure, I have thought good to offer here certain spare stuff to your protection, which if your sublimity accept in good part, or vouchsafe to shadow with the curtain of your countenance, I am yours till fatal destiny two years after dooms day. Many writ books to knights and men of great place, and have thanks, with promise of a further reward for their pains: others come of with a long Epistle to some ruffling Courtier, that swears 'swounds and blood as soon as ever their back is turned, a man can not go in the streets for these impudent beggars. To avoid therefore as well the worthless attendance on the one, as the usual scorn of the other, I have made choice of thy amorous self to be the pleasant patron of my papers. If thou wilt not accept of it in regard of the envy of some Citizens, that can not away with argument, I'll prefer it to the soul of Dick Tarlton, who I know will entertain it with thanks, imitating herein that merry man Rabelais, who dedicated most of his works to the soul of the old Queen of Navarre many years after her death, for that she was a maintainer of mirth in her life. Marry God send us more of her making, and then some of us should not live so discontented as we do: for now a days, a man can not have about with a Balletter, or write Midas habet aures asininas in great Roman letters, but he shall be in danger of a further displeasure. Well, come on it what will, Martin and I will allow of no such doings, we can crack half a score blades in a backe-lane though a Constable come not to part us. Neither must you think his worship is to pure to be such a swasher, for as Scipio was called Africanus, not for relieving and restoring, but for subverting and destroying of Africa: so he and his companions are called Puritans, not for advancing or supporting of purity, by their unspotted integrity, but of their undermining and supplanting it by their manifold heresies. And in deed therein he doth but apply himself to that hope which his holiness the Pope and other confederate foreigners, have conceived of his towardness. For coming from Venice the last Summer, and taking Bergamo in my way homeward to England, It was my hap sojourning there some four or five days, to light in fellowship with that famous Francattip ' Harlicken, who perceiving me to be an English man by my habit and speech, asked me many particulars, of the order and manner of our plays, which he termed by the name of representations: amongst other talk he inquired of me if I knew any such Parabolano here in London, as signor Chiarlatano Kempino. Very well (quoth I,) and have been oft in his company. He hearing me say so, began to embrace me a new, and offered me all the courtesy he cold for his sake, saying, although he knew him not, yet for the report he had hard of his pleasance, he cold not but be in love with his perfections being absent. As we were thus discoursing, I hard such ringing of bells, such singing, such shouting, as though Rhodes had been recovered, or the Turk quite driven out of Christendom, therewithal I might behold an hundredth bonfires together, tables spread in the open streets, and banquets brought in of all hands. Demanding the reason of him that was next me, he told the news was there (thanks be to God,) that there was a famous Schismatic one Martin new sprung up in England, who by his books, libels, and writings, had brought that to pass, which neither the Pope by his Seminaries, Philip by his power, nor all the holy League by their underhand practices and policies could at any time effect: for whereas they lived at unity before, and might by no means be drawn unto discord, he hath invented such quiddities to set them together by the ears, that now the temporalty is ready to pluck out the throats of the Clergy, & subjects to withdraw their allegiance from their sovereign: so that in short time, it is hoped they will be up in arms one against another, whiles we advantaged by this domestical envy, may invade them unawares, when they shall not be able to resist. If ory to hear of these triumphs, could not rest till I had related these tidings to my countrymen. If thou hast them at the second hand, (fellow Kempe) impute it to the intercepting of my papers, that have stayed for a good wind, ever since the beginning of winter. Now they are arrived, make much of them and with the credit of thy clownery, protect thy Cuthbert from Carpers.  
Thine in the way of brotherhood, Cuthbert Curry-knave.   

An Almond for a Parrot.  
WElcome Master Martin from the dead, and much good joy may you have of your stage-like resurrection. It was told me by the undaunted pursuivants of your sons, and credibly believed in regard of your sins, that your grout-headed holiness had turned up your heels like a tired jade in a meadow, and snorted out your scornful soul, like a mesled hog on a muckhill, which had it not been false as the devil would have it, that long tonged doctress Dame Law. must have been faint (in spite of inspiration) to have given over speaking in the congregation, and employ her Parrot's tongue in stead of a winde-clapper to scar the crows from thy carrion. But profound Cliff the ecclesiastical cobbler, interrupted from his morning exercise with this false alarm, broke up his brotherly love-méeting abruptly, when the spirit had but newly moved him, and betook him to his solitary shop, abutting on the back side of a bulk. Nor was his souterly sorrow so hypocritically ingrateful, but he determined in the abundance of his tears, that made a full tide in his blacking tub, to have stitched up your traytourshippe a tomb of untand leather, wherein tanquam culeolo insutus, he mought have sought his fortune in the seas. But I know not how this parricides exequys were prorogd, in so much as a brother in Christ of his at Northhampton, fetched a more thriftier precedent of funerals piping hot from the primitive church, which including but a few words and those passing well expounded, kept his wainscot from waste, and his linen from wearing, sufficeth he tumbled his wife naked into the earth at high noon, without sheet or shroud to cover her shame, breathing over her in an audible voice: Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return again. Tut, tut, a thousand of these pranks make no discord in my young masters discipline, whose reformed fraternity, quote Scripture so confidently, as if they had lately purchased a commission of cum privilegio ad interpretandum solum, from Christ and his twelve apostles. And in deed who knows whether Master Martin being inspired, as erst one of his faction, who hearing the waits play under his window very early, insulted most impudently, that in the midst of his morning prayers, he was presented with the melody of Angels, so he in like manner should vaunt of some revelation, wherein the full synod of Lucifer's ministers angels assembled, did parliament all their envy to the subversion of our established ministry, and then comes forth some more subtle spirit of hypocrisy, which offers himself to be be a false prophet in the mouths of our Martinists, to whom the whole sedition house of hell condescending, break up their sessions, and send this seducer into the world, where finding no such mutinous seat, as the heart of our second Pilate Marprelate, he chose it in stead of a worse, to be unto England as Zidkiah son of Chenaanah was unto Ahab. Bear with me good Master Pistle-monger, if in comparing thy knavery, my full points seem as tedious to thy puritan perusers, as the Northern man's mile, and a waybitte to the weary passenger, for I tell thee troth, till I see what market commission thou hast to assist any many sentences, I will never subscribe to thy period prescisme. And hearest thou old Martin, did all thy libels jointly shroud so much substance of divinity in their outlandish letters, as that one period of uniformity in T. C. directing to obedience, I would think God had been merciful to thee in inspiring thy soul with some one separate motion, from reprobation, but when whole reams of paper are blotted with thy hyperbolical blasphemies and religious matters of controversy more than massacred by thy profane scurrility, I can but suppose thy heart that house swept and garnished, into the which the soul spirit returned with other 7. spirits worse than himself. Malicious hypocrite, didst thou so much malign the successful thriving of the Gospel, that thou shouldst filch thyself, as a new disease into our government? wert thou the last instrument of Satan's envy, that as the abhortive child of a Chaos of heresies, thou shouldst adorn thy false dealing with the inditements of discipline? Me thinks I see thee smile from under thy double-fact hood, to think how craftily thou hast crept into men's consciences: but wouldst thou observe, how is thy alarms have prospered in our peaceable ears, that make no more breach into our state, than the iron horns of those honey tonged prophets into the arrays of the Aramites. Chro. 2. and tenth Chap. thou wouldst with Achitophel return to thy house (at least if thou hast any) and hang thyself in a melancholy, for that thy counsel was turned to folly. When I first saw thy books, I ascribed thy impudence, to the Portuguese wonders of 88 but when 89. beheld thee in a new suit, I imagined the excess of our sins, sent thee forth to give railing sentence against us, as Simei against David in the 2. of Kings. Yet silly sophister wouldst thou return the sobriety of thy morning wits to this overworn Simile, that the rod which was made to correct post destinatum finem, is cast into the fire, thy despair would deem every dark hole, the entrance into hell, thy soul being the city, whereof the devil is made free by endenture. And be it true which pitying report bathe avouched, Herostratus desire to be famous, made thee to seal him a conveyance of it many years since, so that now thy notorious pamphlets having passed the Press, it is to be feared he will come over thee for covenants ere many years to an end. It may be thou hast red Foxes Monuments more idly, where lighting on the example of Luther, that by his prayers importunity, made the devil to deliver up the obligation of his damnation, that sold the joys of Heaven, for the inheritance of earth, thou hopest in like manner in the age of thine iniquities to be restored to eternity, by the uncessant invocation of the Church which thou termest Antichristian. Deceive not thyself thou man of security, for the enemy of Adam is no poetical Argus, that his eyes should be put out by thy arguments. I tell thee troth, he will be-pistle thee so peevishly, with allegations of unvenomed sins, as though he were borne within two houses of Battle bridge. It is not thy despairing protestations, can make thy peace with God, whose church thou hast sought to divide, as did Herod's soldiers his garments: we'll give thee leave to tell us a smooth tale of the intercepting of thy treasons, and curry favour like a crafty fox, with the civil magistrate in politic terms of fear and reverence, but thy heart is no more disguised in this hypocritical apparel, than a trencher Aristippus in the coat of a Parasite. Why discourse I so soberly, with the mortal enemy of modesty, when as the filth of the stews, distilled into ribaldry terms, cannot confectionate a more intemperate style then his Pamphlets. Thou call'st our Bishop's wicked by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken as thou protests with the untoward events of thy villainies) thou shouldst find the defilings of the 7. deadly sins, to have brought thee by a pleasant pollution, within the positive degree of damnation. What talk I to him, of hell or damnation, whom Lucifer hath furnished to infection, with the painted poison of snout-holy devotion, and all the powers of darkness, have adorned as an intelligencer to their kingdom, of the infirmities in our flourishing Church of England. To this purpose have they inspired him with a most scurrile spirit of lying, that when his eagle-sighted envy can truly attract no argument of infamy, his poetica licentia, may have a fresh supply of possibilities, that increase by continuance to a complete libel of leasings. All you that be scholars, read but his last challenge, wherein he lays about him so lamely, as though of his limping brother. Pag. he had lately learndd to play at cudgels. But how ever his crazed cause goes on crutches, that was erst so bravely encountered by Pasquin and Mar-phoreus, and not many months since most wittily scofte at by the extemporal endeavour of the pleasant author of Pap with a hatchet: yet is not the good old créeple utterly discouraged, or driven clean from his dunghill, but he means to make the persecuted Cobblers once more merry. Yet by your leave his other days danger is not so fully digested, that he should forget the sanctified martyrs his brethren, those runagate Printers, to whose revenge he bequeatheth a large Pistol of railing Epithets, and mistermeth our bishops authority, with a whole Textor of tyranny. A few of whose milder terms are of this making, wicked Priests, presumptuous Priests, proud Prelates, arrogant Bishops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of the truth, Lamhethical whelps Spanish inquisitors. Think you this miry mouthed mate, a partaker of heavenly inspiration, that thus abounds in his uncharitable railings: yet are these nothing in comparison of his ancient burlibond adiunctes, that so pester his former edition with their unwieldy phrase, as no true syllogism can have elbow room where they are. In which Alphabet these that follow may be placed: bouncing Priests, terrible Priests, venerable Masters, proud and pontifical Patripolitians. Gentle reader, I give you but a taste of them by the way, that you may know them the next time you meet them in your dish, and learn to discern a poisonous scorpion from wholesome fish. Martin you must think, was moved, when his gunpowder papers were fired about his cares, and the spendthriftes his Printers, haled to the prison their patrimonies. Wherefore I cannot blame him though he sends abroad his Letters of supplication, in behalf of his servants that did but his bidding. The Church, the Church is persecuted amongst you my masters, and Martin gets near a superintendentship by the shift, but let not Meg Law. cry once more to the Churchwardens for her food, lest she bring with her a camp royal of scolds, to scratch out your eyes. Oh she will declaim bravely over a Cuckstoole, and play the giant in a narrow lane with her distaff. Master Cooper shall have his stipend still at Paul's chain, or else she will sweat for it. I like such a wench that will frande to her tackling, why Bishops are but men, and she will carry a Martin in her placard in despite of the proudest of them all. Learn of her you London Matrons, to make hodie-peeles of your husbands, and lead them like good souls up and down the streets by the horns, let it be seen by your courages in scolding, that women have souls, which a bald eloquent brother of yours, denied not long since in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I, my masters, you may mock, on as you see cause, but I warrant you the good old true-penny Marprelate is not so merry, he sits ruminating under an oak, or in the bottom of a haystack, whose blood shall be first spilled in the reformation of the Church. And not without cause, for he that hath so lately felt the pain of worming and lancing, cannot but stand in awe of Bulls slicing tools one two months after. O it is a hairbrained whooresonne, and well seen in Phlebotomy, if a but once take knife in hand, cha will as soon let out the seditious humours forth a Martinistes body, as the best he in England, that hath been twenty years practioners in Surgery. Good monkey face Machiuell, show but thy head once, and try him at my request, and if he do it not more handsomely, than those whom thou callest Butchers and Horseleeches, than never trust an old lad whilst thou livest. How ever it happens, thou bearest thy resolution in thy mouth at high midnight, and hast Scripture enough to carry thee to heaven, though thou wert hanged to morrow. We fear not men that can kill the body, quoth Martin, because we fear God, who can cast both body and soul into unquenchable fire. Dost thou fear God in deed, I pray thee good hedge-creeper how shall we know that? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the simpering of thy mouth, or staring of thy eyes? Why if that be to fear God, I'll have a spare fellow shall make me a whole quest of faces for three farthings. But thou wilt peradventure say, by thy obedience unto him. Then will I catechize thee more kindly with a few more Christian questions: the first whereof shall be this, wherein thou placest obedience, which if thou answerest, by doing that which God hath commanded in his word: then would I know of thee, whether t●at of Paul be Canonical or apocrypha, He that resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinance of God. And here I am sure to be had by the ears with a Geneva note of the distinction of magistrates, but all that shall not serve your turns, for I'll drive you from your Dic Ecclesiae ere I have done, ware the unmasking of Martin, when it comes 'tis like to be a shrewd Pistol, I can tell you. Prepare your arguments as you will, for Mar-Martin junior, means to make such havoc of you in that his next pée of service, as all your borrowed weapons of simple T. C. shall not be able to withstand. For your old soaking Demonstrationer, that hath fcrapte up such a deal of Scripture to so little purpose, I'll leave his confusion to the valiant leisure of our graver Divines, who I know, did they but once set pen to paper, would grind his discipline to powder. Thou art the man, old Martin of England, that I am to deal withal, that strives to outstrip all our writers in wit, and justle our government forth of doors with a jest. What, we must not let you pass with such favourable terms, as our grave Fathers have done, your Books must be looked over, and you beaten like a dog for your lying. I think, I think I shall have occasion to close with you sweetly in your Hay any work for a Cooper, and cut off the trains of your tedious syllogisms, that now have no less than seven or eight Termini waiting on them. Fortify your ruinous buildings betimes, and say he was your friend that bad you: for I can tell you thus much, a whole host of Pasquil's are coming upon you, who will so beleaguer your paper walls, as that not one idle word shall escape the edge of their wit. I give thee but a bravado now, to let thee know I am thine enemy, but the next time you see Mar-Martine in arms, bid your sons and your family provide them to Godward, for I am eagerly bend to revenge, & not one of them shall escape, no not T.C. himself as full as he is of his miracles. But to pursue master Protestationer in his common place of persecution. I remember we talked even now of a dudgeon distinction from which my Bedlam brother Wig. and poltfoote Pag. with the rest of those patches, strive to derive their discipline disobedience. Our Ecclesiastical government & governors say they, are wicked and unlawful. Why? because Sir Peter nor Sir Paul were never archbishops of Canterbury, London, or York. They were Fishermen, and were not able. When Caesar's Officers demanded their tribute to make five groats amongst them, than what reason is it our Bishops should enjoy their five hundreds, nay, that which is more, their thousand and two thousands? They were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates nor Doctors, therefore why should we tie our Ministry to the profane studies of the University. What is Logic but the high way to wrangling, containing in it a world of bibble-babble. Need we any of your Greek, Latin, Hebrew, or any such gibberish, when we have the word of God in English? Go to, go to, you are a great company of vain men, that stand upon your degrees and tongues, with tittle-tattle, I cannot tell what, when as (if you look into the matter as you ought) the Apostles knew near a Letter of the book. I wis it were not two pins hurt, if your Colleges were fired over your heads, and you turned a begging forth your fellowships, like Friars and Monks up and down the Country. I marry sir, this is somewhat like, now Martin speaks like himself, I dare say for him good man, he could be contented there were near a master of Art, Bachelor of Divinity, Doctor or Bishop in England, on that condition he priest Fishermen, scullers, Co●pers, Stitchers, Weavers and Cobblers into their places. You talk of a Harmony of the Churches, but here would be a consort of knavery worth the publishing to all posterity. Would you not laugh to see Cli. the Cobbler, and New. the souter, jerking out their elbows in every Pulpit. Why, I am sure Lady Law. would fast man's flesh a whole month together, but she would give either of them a gown cloth on that condition. Myself do know a zealous Preacher in Ipswich, that being but a while a go a stage player, will now take upon him to brandish a Text against Bishops, as well as the best Martinist in all Suffolk. Why, I pray you go no farther then Batter. have we not there a reverent Pastor of Martin's own making, that understands not a bit of Latin, nor never did so much as look towards the University in his life, yet you see for a need he can help discipline out of the dirt, and come over our Clergy very handsomely with an here is to be noted. Oh he is old dog at expounding, and dead sure at a Catechism, always provided, that it be but half a sheet long, and he be two years about it. And well too my masters, for such a one that vaunts himself to be as he is, as good a Gentleman every inch of him, as any is in all Stafford sheer. be what he will, one thing I wot, he is seldom without a good Chief in his study, besides apples and nuts, although his wise can never come at them. I heard not long since of a stout conference he had with a young scholar, who taking my Deske-man somewhat tardy in his disputations, told him he was inspired with too much Logic. Whereunto he replied with this solemn protestation, I thank God, all the world cannot accuse me of that art. I hope anon master Martin, I shall be meetly even with you for your knavery, if I go but two mile further in your Ministry. It is not the Primitive Church shall bear out the vicar of little Down. in Norfolk, in groping his own hens, like a Cotqueane, I am to come over him when I have more leisure, for his ten shillings Sermons at Thetford: wherein if he rave as he was wont to do, I'll make him wish that he had been still Usher of Westminster. Well, to the purpose. You say Bishops are no Magistrates, because they are no lawful Magistrates. Is it even so brother Timothy, will it never be better, must I ever lead you up and down antiquity by the nose like an Ass. May neither Scriptures nor Fathers go for payment with you, but still you will be reducing us to the precedent of the persecuted Church, and so confound the discipline of war and peace? If you will needs make us the apes of all their extremities, why do not you urge the use of that community wherein Ananias and Saphira were unfaithful. Persuade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell their lands, and lay the money at your feet, take away the title of mine and thine from amongst us, and let the world know you hereafter by the name of Anabaptistes. Admit that the authority of Bishops were as unlawful as you would make it, yet since it is imposed unto them by the Princes own mouth, and ratified by the approbation of so many Kings and Emperors, as well in their particular parliaments as general counsels, you are bound in conscience to reverence it, and in all humility to regard it, insomuch as Christ denied not tribute to Caesar an usurper, nor appealed from Pilate a Pagan, who occupied that place by the intrusion of tyranny. Were the Israelites in captivity, any whit exempted from the obedience of subjects, in that they lived under the sceptre of Nabuchodonesor an Idolater, who had blasphemed their God, defaced their Temple, and defiled their holy vessels. Nay, are they not expressly commanded by the Lords own mouth, to honour him as their King: How can they then escape the damnation of contempt, that being private subjects to such a virtuous Sovereign, as is zealous of God's glory will control her, disposing of honours, and oppose unto public derision, those the especial pillars and ornaments of her state, whom she hath graced from their infancy, with so many sundry ascentes of dignities. But were this all, then should not treason be such a branch of your religion as it is. Have not you and your followers undermined her Grace's Throne, as much as traitors might: call to mind the bad practice of your brother the Booke-binder and his accomplishes at Bury, who being as hot spirited as your worships, in the schismatical subject of reformation, and seeing it would not come of half kindly to their contentment, made no more a do, but added this new Posy to her majesties arms. Those that be neither hot nor cold, I'll spew them out of my mouth, saith the Lord. Deny this, and I'll bring a whole Assizes, as Obsignatos testes of your treachery. To come nearer to thee Brother Martin. Hast not thou in thy first book against Doctor Bridges, as also in Hay any work for Cooper, excluded her Highness from all Ecclesiastical government, saying she hath neither skill nor commission, as she is a Magistrate, to substitute any member or minister in the Church. And in an other place, that there is neither use nor place in the Church for members, ministers or officers of the magistrates making. If this will not come in compass of treason, then farewell the title of Supremacy, and welcome again unto Popery. By this time I think, goodman Puritan, that thou art persuaded, that I know as well as thy own conscience thee, namely Martin Makebate of England, to be a most scurvy and beggarly benefactor to obedience, & per consequens, to fear neither men, nor that God who can cast both body and soul into unquenchable fire. In which respect I neither account you of the Church, nor esteem of your blood, otherwise then the blood of Infidels. Talk as long as you will of the joys of heaven, or pains of hell, and turn from yourselves the terror of that judgement how you will, which shall bereave blushing iniquity of the fig leaves of hypocrisy, yet will the eye of immortality discern of your painted pollutions, as the everliving food of perdition. The humours of my eyes are the habitations of fountains, and the circumference of my heart the enclosure of fearful contrition, when I think how many souls at that moment, shall carry the name of Martin on their foreheads to the vale of confusion, in whose innocent blood thou swimming to hell, shalt have the torments of ten thousand thousand sinners at once, inflicted upon thee. There will envy, malice and dissimulation be ever calling for vengeance against thee, and incite whole legions of devils to thy deathless lamentation. Mercy will say unto thee, I know thee not, and Repentance, what have I to do with thee. All hopes shall shake the head at thee, and say, there goes the poison of purity, the perfection of impiety, the serpentine seducer of simplicity. Zeal herself will cry out upon thee, and curse the time that ever she was masked by thy malice, who like a blind leader of the blind, suffered'st her to stumble at every step in Religion, and madest her seek in the dimness of her sight, to murder her mother the Church, from whose paps thou like an envious dog but yesterday pluckest her. How ever proud scorner, thy whorish impudency, may happen hereafter to insist in the derision of these fearful denunciations, and sport thy jesters pen at the speech of my soul, yet take heed least despair be predominant in the day of thy death, and thou in stead of calling for mercy to thy jesus, repeat more oftener to thy self, Sic motior damnatus ut judas. And thus much Martin, in the way of compassion, have I spoke for thy edification, moved thereto by a brotherly commiseration, which if thou be not too desperate in thy devilish attempts, may reform thy heart to remorse, and thy pamphlets to some more profitable theme of repentance. But now have at thee for the goodness of the cause, of which thou sayst: We must not reason from the success.  
Trust me therein thou hast spoke wiser than thou art aware of, for if a man should imagine of fruit by the rottenness, of garments by the moth frets, of wine by the sourness, I warrant him for ever being good costerd-monger, broker, or vintner whiles he lives. Therefore we must not measure of Martin as he is allied to Elderton, or tonged like Will Tong, as he was attired like an Ape on the stage, or sits writing of Pamphlets, in some spare outhouse, but as is Mar-Prelat of England as he surpasseth King & collier, in crying, So ho ho, brother Bridges. woe ho ho, john a London. Ha ha he, Doctor Copecotes. Do this & I warrant you, for savouring of the flesh, though you take the opportunity of the spirit, with every sister in Christ. Behold the state of the low Countries, since your Plaintiff Pistler, will needs make the comparison, suppose Martin to be the map of Belgia dilacerata, whose chief provinces as they are wholly possessed with Spaniards, so think his heart and soul inhabited with spiet, they Romists in the matter of Religion, and he a Papist in supremacies contradiction, her inward parts possessed with Anabaptists, and Lutherans, and his more private opinions polluted with the dregs of them both, her farthest borders of Holland and Zealand, peopled God wots with a small number of unperfit Protestants, and the furthest and fewest of his thoughts, taken up with some odd true points of Religion. How now Father Martin, have not I hit your meaning pat in this comparison. Say, will you have any more such interpretations, if you say Amen to it. I'll also reconcile your allegorical induction of France, to the present constitution of your frowardness: but that shall not need, since the misery of the one is the mirror of the other, and the Reader must suppose that Martin would near have compared himself to Flaunders nor France, but as they reflect by allusion the distraction of his factious faith. Howeever you take him at the worst, yet is his welchnes persuaded, that the Lord hath some special purpose, by preventing of his press, to try who they be that are hypocrites, and what they be that are innocent: And not unlike too, for having interrupted the traffic of honesty, so long as thou hast with thy counterfeit knavery, 'tis more than high time thy underhand treachery, were brought to the touchstone of authority. You think we know not how prettily your Printers were shrouded under the name of salt-petermen, so that who but Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims, at the undermining of a house, and undoing of poor men, by digging up their floors, and breaking down their walls. No, no, we never heard how orderly they pretended the printing of Accidences, when my L. of darby's men came to see what they were a doing, what though they damned themselves about the denial of the deed, is perjury such a matter amongst puritans. Tush they account it no sin as long as it is in the way of protestation, being in the mind of a good old fellow in Cambridge, who sitting in S. john's as Senior at the fellows election, was reprehended by some of his betters, for that he gave his voice with a dunce like himself, contrary to oath, statute and conscience: why quoth he, I neither respect oath, statute, nor conscience, but only the glory of God. Men are but men and may err, yea goodman Spe. himself in Paul's churchyard, although he saith he hath no sin, what marvel is it then, though some corruption cleave unto our aged Gentleman by his own confession. Learn of me to judge charitably, and think that nature took a scouring purgation, when she voided all her imperfections in the birth of one Martin: which if it be so, he is not to be blamed, since as Arist. says, vitia naturae non sunt reprehendenda. Gibe on, gibe on, and see if your father Mar-martin will bear you out in it or no, you think the good sweet-faced prelate▪ Mass Martin, hath never broke sword in ruffian's hall, yes that he hath more than one or two, if the truth were known, and fought for his wench as bravely as the best of them all, therefore take heed how you come in his way, lest he belabour you with his crabtree style for your lustiness, and teach you how to look into a Martin's nest again while you live. Alas you are but young, and never knew what his Bumfegingment, for if you did, you would think five hundredth fists about your ears, were more than Physic in a frosty morning. Writ or fight which you will, our champion is for you at all weapons, whether you choose the word or the sword, neither comes amiss to him, he never took his domestical dissension in hand to leave it soon. All England must be up together by the ears, before his pen rest in peace, nor shall his rebellious mutinies, which he shrouds under the age of Martinisme, have any intermedium, till religions prosperity and our Christian liberty, mistermed of him by the last year of Lambethisme, do perish from amongst us, and departed to our enemies: then shall you see, what seditious buildings will arise on the unfortunate foundations of his folly, and what contentious increase will come from the school of contempt.  

If they will needs overthrow me let them go in hand with the exploit etc.  
HOlla, holla brother Martin, you are to hasty, what, Winter is no time to make wars in, you were best stay till summer, & then both our brains willbe in a better temperature, but I think ere that time your wit willbe welny worn threadbare, and your bankrupt invention, clean out at the elbows, then are we well helped up with a witness, if the aged champion of Warwick, do not lay to his shoulders, and support discipline ready to lie in the dust, with some or other demonstration. I can tell you Phil. Stu. is a tall man also for that purpose. What his Anatomy of Abuses for all that, will serve very fitly for an Antipast, before one of egerton's Sermons, I would see the best of your Traverses writ such a treatise as he hath done, against short heeled pantofles. But one thing it is great pity of him, that being such a good fellow as he is, he should speak against dice, so as he doth: nevertheless there is some hope of him, for as I heard not long since, a brother of his, meeting him by chance (as thieves meet at the gallows) after many christian questions of the well far of his persecuted brethren, and sister, asked him when they should have a game at tables together, by the grace of God the next Sabaoth, quoth Phil. and then if it shall so seem good to his providence, have at you for ames ace and the dise. I forget to tell you what a stir he keeps against dumb ministers, and never writes nor talks of them, but he calleth them minstrels, when his mastership in his minority, played the Reader in Chesshire, for five mark a year and a canvas doublet, covenanted beside, that in consideration of that stipend, he make clean the patrons boots every time he came to town. What need more words to prove him a protestant, did not he behave himself like a true Christian, when he went a wooing for his friend Clerk, I warrant you he said not God save you, or God speed you, with good even or good morrow, as our profane wooers are wont, but stepped close to her, with peace be with you, very demurely, and then told her a long tale, that in so much as widowhood, was an unclean life, and subject to many temptations, she might do well to reconcile herself to the Church of God, in the holy ordinance of matrimony. Many words passed to this purpose, but I wot well the conclusion was this, that since she had hitherto conversed with none but unregenerate persons, and was utterly careless of the communion of Saints, she would let him that was a man of God, put a new spirit into her, by carnal copulation, and so engraft her into the fellowship of the faithful, to which that she might more willingly agree, he offered her a spick and span new Geneva Bible, that his attendant Italian had brought with him to make up the bargain. But for all the Scripture he could allege, it should not be, Phil. Stu. was no meat for her tooth, God wot he could not get a pennyworth of lechery on such a pawn as his Bible was, the man behind the painted cloth marred all, and so O grief, a good Sabbaths day work was lost. Stand to it Mar-martin junior and thou art good enough for ten thousand of them, tickle me my Phil. a little more in the flank, and make him winch like a resty jade, whereto a dreaming divine of Cambridge, in a certain private Sermon of his, compared the wicked. sayst thou me so good heart, then have at you Master Compositor, with the construction of Sunt oculos clari qui cernis sydera tanquam. If you be remembered you were once put to your trumps about it in Wolves Printing-house, when as you would needs have clari the infinitive mood of a verb passive, which determined you went forwards after this order. Sunt there are, oculos eyes, qui the which, cernis thou dost see, clari to be clear, tanquam sydera as the Stars. Excellent well done of an old Master of Art, yet why may not he by authority challenge to himself for this one piece of work the degrees he never took. Learning is a jewel my masters, make much of it, and Phil. Stu. a Gentleman every hair of his head, whom although you do not regard according as he deserves, yet I warrant you Martin makes more account of him then so, who hath substituted him long since (if the truth were well bolted out) amongst the number of those privy Martinists, which he threatens to place in every parish. I am more than half weary of tracing too and fro in this cursed common wealth, where sinful simplicity puffed up with the pride of singularity, seeks to pervert the name and method of magistracy. But as the most of their arguments, are drawn from our grave father's infirmities, so all their outrageous endeavours have their offspring from affected vainglory. 
lib. de ●abusio.  Agreeing with the saying of Hug. Innobedientiae morbus ex superbiae tumore procedit, sicut sanies ex ulcere. The disease of disobedience proceeds from the swelling of pride, as madness from some untolerable ulcer. The cause whereof Gregory thus expresseth. Dum plus exquirunt saith he, 
〈◊〉. lib. 8  contemplando quam capiunt, usque ad perversa dogmata erumpunt, & dum veritatis discipuli esse negligunt, humiliter magistri erroris fiunt. Whiles by study they search out more than they understand, they break forth into perverse opinions, and whiles they neglect to be the scholars of truth, they most basely become the schoolmasters of error. For such is the boldness of our boyish divines, that they will leap into the pulpit, before they have learned Stans puer ad mensam, and talk very desperately of discipline, before they can construe, Qui mihi discipulus. Qui venit institui saith Cassiodorus, antequam instituatur, alios instituere cupit, etc. The novice that comes to be informed, desireth to inform others, before he be informed himself, and to teach before he be taught, to prescribe laws before he hath red Litleton, & play the subtle Philosopher, before he knows the order of his syllables: he will needs have subjects, before he can subjugate his affections, and covets the office of a commander, before he hath learned to stoop to the admonitions of his elders, and beginneth to instruct and persuade, before he be instructed and persuaded in any kind of art, which their folly once fuelled with the frowardness of blind zeal, makes them confounded contempt with gods true worship, & open their mouths against his ordinance, as did the Prophets against jeroboams hill altars. T.C. in Cambridge first invented this violent innovation, when as his mounting ambition, went through every kind of Ambitus, to compass the office of the Uicechauncelour-ship. But after he saw himself disfavoured in his first insolence, and that the suffrages of the university, would not descend to his dissentious indignities, his seditious discontent devised the means to discredit that government, which he through his ill behaviour might not aspire to. Then began his inveterat malice, to undermine the foundations of our societies, and reduce our Colleges to the schools of the Prophets, to discard all degrees of art as antichristian, to condemn all decency in the ministry as diabolical, and exclude all ecclesiastical superiority forth the Church as apocrypha. No sooner had these new fangled positions entered the tables of young students, but Singularity the eldest child of heresy, consulted with male-conted melancholy, how to bring this misbegottenscisme to a monarchy. To which purpose hypocritical zeal, was addressed as a pursuivant into all places of Suff. Norff. Essex and Midlesex, with express commandment from the synod of Saints, to proclaim T.C. supreme head of the Church. This past on thus, whiles the sword of justice, slept in his scabbard, whose unprovident eye neglecting the beginning of such burnings, hath added a more confirmed fury to the flame, which hath now taken hold on the buildings of our bishoprics. How it hath raged in those quarters before mentioned for the utter impoverishing of the allegiance of the communality, and lamentable undoing of the estimation of divers other knights and gentlemen, the whole course of the high commission may testify. Nether was this plague of apostasy undeserved of their inconstancy, who forsook the true service of God, to worship the idol of Warwick. Put case his reading be great and his malice more, that he hath plodded through ten cart load of paper, and been the death often thousand pound of candles, yet as Gregory saith, 
Greg. li 〈…〉  perit omne quod agitur, si non humilitate custodiatur. Whatsoever is done doth vanish to infamy, if it be not upholden by humility: What child doth not see into the pride of his heart, that first entertained the impudence of controlling antiquity, and preferred the poison of his own perverse opinions, before the experience of so many Churches, counsels and fathers. Quae maior superioria, 
ser,  saith Bernarde, quam ut unus homo toti congregationi judicium suum prefcrat tanquam ipse solus habeat spiritum Dei. What greater pride than that one man should advance his judgement, above the sentence of a whole congregation, as if he alone had the spirit of God. Pride overthrew the tower of Babel, prostrated Goliath, hung up Haman, killed Nichanor, consumed Herod, destroyed Antiochus, drowned Pharaoh, subverted Senacherib, & I hope will also confound arrogant T.C. and all his accomplishes in the Lords good time. And now that I have unburdened my shoulders of the weight of his learning, I'll ribroste my brother Martin a little, for objecting to my Lord Archbishop, the not answering of his books. Therefore first would I know of sweet M. sauce malapert whether he would have the care of the commonwealth, and forcing consultation of domestical and foreign affairs, resigned to the retorting of T.C. his unreverent railings. Next what such equal proportion his mastership finds in their places, that the gravity and mildness of the one, should stoop his attention so low, as the jangling levity of the other. Were there no other thing to refrain his grace, from combating with a common barretour than this, that in discordia nemo benedicit Dominum, it were sufficient to plead his absence from this inferior fight. But when he considers that saying of Augustine. Nullus est modus inimicitiis, nisi ob tempus obtemperemus iratis, there is no mean of malice, unless for a time we give place to the furious, & that which another says, Sicut nihil est deformius quam respondere furiosis ita, nihil utilius quam tacere provocatis. As there is nothing more unseemly then to answer the froward, so there is nothing more profitable than silence to such as are provoked. Let him use the liberty of his speech as he please, and detract from his learning in what terms ho see cause, yet will all Christendom admire his perfection, when T. C. his singularity shall go a begging up and down the low Countries. I will not gainsay but your reverend Pastor may have as knavish a vain in writing as yourself, and fasten a slander on the Saints of heaven, 
Jerome i 〈…〉 Oseam.  as soon as any of your sect, for nil tam facile est, as jerom saith, quam ociosum & dormientem de aliorum labour & vigiliis disputare. There is nothing so easy for a man that is sluggish and idle, as to call in question others men's watchings and labours. Mens prava, 
Greg. 15  saith Gregory, semper in laboribus est, quia aut molitur mala quae inferat, vel metuit ne sibi ab aliis infeamnt, & quic quid contra proximos cogitat, hoc contra se, a proximus cogitari formidat. A wicked mind lives in continual toil, because it either meditates the injuries which he is about to infer, or fears some reproach to be inferred by others, and whatsoever he pretends against his neighbour, the same he mistrusts to be pretended against himself. If T.C. hath made thee his attorney, to urge the not answering of his books, than I pray thee be my Mercury this once, and tell him thus much from Mar-Martine, that he hath undone more Printers with his py-bald pamphlets, than his dishclout discipline will set up again this seven years. Much inkhorn stuff hath he uttered in a jarring style, and intruded a great deal of trash to our ears by a dainty figure of idem peridem, but for any new piece of art he hath showed in those idle editions, other than that his famous adversary hath before tsme confuted, he may well enough bequeath it to Dunce or Dorbel, whence his blundering capacity is lineally descended. What master T.C. you think that no man dare touch you, because you have played the scurvy scold any time these twenty years, but I'll so hamper your holiness for all the offences of your youth, as all géering puritans shall have small cause to insult and rejoice at my silence. Then see whether I dare stand to the defence of your defame or no. Take heed goodman Howlyglasse, that I make not such a hole in your coat the next Term, as Martin and his sons shall not sow up in haste, I tell you I am a shrewd fellow at the uncasing of a fox, and have cats eyes to look into every corner of a Puritans house. I warrant you my brother Pag. will say so, by that time I have talked with him a little, who although he be none of the straightest men that ever God made, yet hath he as good skill in milk bullocks, as any housewife within forty miles of his head. Let him alone, and if he do not know by a cows water, how many pints of milk she will give in a year, then will he never help his wife to make chief again whiles he lives: and without offence to his pastorship be it spoken, he will say pretyly well to a hen, if she be not too old, always provided, she have a nest of clean straw in his study, and he grope her with his own hands evening and morning. Then see if he do not make three pounds a year of her over and above all costs and charges. I marry sir, is not this a husband in deed, that besides the multiplying of the Church of God, in his household ministery, will keep his wife and family by cross bargains a whole twelve month. What would he do my masters, if he had two good legs, that will thus bestir him in his vocation with one and a stump. The world may say he is lame, and so forth, but he that had seen him run from Houns. the other day, for getting his maid with child, would never think so. I marvel with what face our Bishops could deprive such a man of God, that being known to be a most heavenly whoremaster, a passing zealous worldling, and a most mortified schismatic, was fit iwis to teach men then boys. be ruled by Martin, and send him home into Devon-shéere, or else he will wrap all your Clergy once again in Lazarus winding sheet. Which favour if he obtain contrary to desert, I would wish him as a friend, near more to urge Fathers to swear at the Fund, that the children that are brought thither to be christened, are of none but their own begetting, lest old Ragdale ply him as he did in times past, about the shoulders with his plough staff. Have with you Giles Wig. to Sidborough, and let us have you make another Sermon of Sedgwick●● pack-prickes: or such another Prayer as you did of three hours long, when as a friend of yours (that best knew your arms) cast in the Rams horns at your window. If you be remembered, it was the same time, when you cried, Come wife, come servants, let us fall on our knees, and pray to the Lord God to deliver us from all evil temptation, for the devil is even new gone by, and look where he hath thrown in his horns at the window. Giles, Giles, I have to talk with you for your sauciness with the right Honourable the Earl of Huntingdon, in whose presence you (though of all other unworthy) then being, when conversant with other Gentlemen, he called for a bowl of Beer, which brought, and set down by him, and he yet busy in talk, you took very orderly from before him, and trilled it off without any more bones, bidding his man if he would, go fill him another. And what of all this I pray you, was that such a wondrous matter, doth Giles care for any of your Lords, Earls, Barons or Bishops. No, no, no barrel better herring with him: we are all made of one and the self same mould, and Adam signifieth but red earth. I could tell you a tale worth the hearing, that would countervail Glib. of Haustead, were it not that it would make M. Wig. as choleric, as when he burst in the Church maugre excommunication, & knocked the keys about the Sextens head, for not opening unto him. Come on it what will, in spite of midsummer moon, you shall have it as it is, therefore attend good people to the unfortunate sequel. G.W. of Wig. house, in the land of little Wittam, chosen to the place & function of a pastor, by those reverend elders of the Church, Hicke, Hob and john, Cuthbert C. the Cobbler, and New. the broomseller cum multis aliis que nunc prescribere longum est, at length seized (after many years straggling on the superintendentship of Sidborough, where having worn out three or four pulpits with the unreasonable bouncing of his fists, it was his chance on a time to have one quarrel more to another of them: so that no sooner mounted on her back, but he began to spur her with his heels, to boar her about the ears with his elbows, and so piteously misuse her in every part, as would have grieved any heathen joiner to the heart, to behold. Nor could his Text contain him in this choler, or plead any pardon or pity for this poor pulpit, but he would needs ride her to death from one Diocese to another, from York to London, from London to Canterbury, from Canterbury to Winchester, and all without a bait, insomuch, that tired in his way homeward to his Text, he had stuck in the mire for any more matter he had, had not john a Borhead come into the church as he did. Whom he espying in good time, crossed the midway of a sentence to let fly at him in this manner. As for the discipline which those wretches do hinder, look, look good people where that vile whoremaster john a Borhead comes in piping hot from Clayphams' wife. Whose very sight put him so clean besides himself, that he could neither go forward nor backward, but still repeated, john a Borhead, john a Borhead, that vild whoremaster john a Borhead: to whom with the Father, the Son, and the holy Ghost, be all honour and praise both now and for ever. Ah hah master Martin, what get you now bp your red cap? Whether was Clayphams' wife or john a Borhead more in fault, for marring this good sermon. If I. a Borhead, then is it not best for him to come in my brother Wig. way, lest he stabble him, as he did the Drum once for playing after service. How ener it was, may it please you Lords of the spirituality, in consideration of these laudable premises, to send him home to his charge, that he may once more preach in the yew tree. My brother Vd. of Kingston thinks I'll spare him for his wives sake, that is reported to be as good a wench as ever played her prizes at Pancridge, although she is not altogether such a giantess, as my brother Wig. female, but forma fragulis, and Ale is not worth a button, if it be too stolen. Wherefore prepare you good neighbour V to undergo the cross of persecution. Martin hath vaunted you to be a venturous knight, and I do mean to break a lance with you, ere you and I part. Wherefore what say you now to the matter, is Christ descended of bastardism or no, as you gave out in the pulpit? Would you not have your tongue cut out for your blasphemy if you were well served? Are you a notable preacher of the word of God, and a vehement reprover of sin, that thus seek to discredit the fleshly descent of our Saviour, I thought you such another, when I first saw you emblazoned in Martin's books. 'tis you that are so holy, that you will not forsooth be seen to handle any money, nor take gold though it should filch itself into your purse, but if God moved the hearts of any of your brethren or sisters in the Lord, to bring in pots, beds or household stuff into your house, you would go out of doors of purpose whiles it was brought in, and then if any man ask you, how you come so well stored, your answer is that you know not how, but only by the providence of God. I must belabour you when all is done, for your backbiting & slandering of your honest neighbours, and open inveighing against the established government in your sermons. Help him Martin, or else his upbraided absurdities will make thee repent that ever thou belied or disgracedst Hone, Cottington or Chatfield in his cause. May it please you therefore that are in authority, considering how reverently he hath abused Christ's birthright, to restore him to preach that the blocks, stocks and stones of Kingston, do not cry out against you. I follow the rivers of folly, whiles the fountains of infection do propagate their poison. Martin all this while thinks himself in league with obscurity, whiles Phoebus the discoverer of Mars & Venus' adultery, hath streamed his bright day light into the net where he danceth. Blush squint-eyed caitiff, since thy covert no more will contain thee. Caelum te contegit non habes urnam. Therefore let all posterity that shall hear of his knavery, attend the discovery which now I will make of his villainy. Pen. I. Pen. welsh Pen. Pen. the Protestationer, Demonstrationer, Supplicationer, Appellationer, Pen. the father, Pen. the son, Pen. Martin junior, Martin Martinus, Pen. the scholar of Oxford to his friend in Cambridge, Pen. totum in toto, & totum in qualibet part, was sometimes (if I be not deceived) a scholar of that house in Cambridge whereof D. Per. was master. Where, what his estimation was, the scorn wherein he lived can best relate. For the constitution of his body, it was so clean contrary to all physiognomy of fame, that a man would have judged by his face, God and nature devising our disgrace, had enclosed a close stool in skin, and set a serpentine soul, like a counterfeit diamond, more deep in dung. Neither was this monster of Cracovia unmarked from his bastardism to mischief: but as he was begotten in adultery and conceived in the heat of lust, so was he brought into the world on a tempestuous day, & borne in that hour when all planets were opposite. Predestination that foresaw how crooked he should prove in his ways, enjoined incest to spawn him splay-footed. Eternity, that knew how awkward he should look to all honesty, consulted with Conception to make him squint-eyed, & the devil that discovered by the heavens disposition on his birthday, how great a limb of his kingdom was coming into the world, provided a rusty superficies wherinto wrapped him, as soon as ever he was separated from his mother's womb: in every part whereof these words of blessing were most artificially engraven, Crine ruber, niger over, brevis pede, lumine lustus. To leave his nativity to the Church porch, where the parish found him, & come to his riper years, that now had learned Puerilis, of the poor man's boy, and near as prettily entered in ave Marie English, as any parish clerk in those parts. I am to tell you how laudibly he behaved himself in Peterhouse, during the time of his subsistership. First therefore he began with his religion at his first coming thither, Hoc scitote viri, that he was as arrant a papist as ever came out of Wales. I tell you I. a P. in those days, would have run a false gallop over his beads with any man in England, and helped the Priest for a shift to say Mass at high midnight, which if need were, I doubt not but he would do at this hour. It was not for nothing my masters, that he so be-baited his betters, for showing the people the relic of our Lady's smock in his sermon, & open detecting of all their other blind superstition. Say what you will, he is a close lad, & can carry a ring in his mouth, though all the world see it not: what though he now dissemble with the time, & disguise his Spanish heart in a Precisians habit. May not he hereafter prove a necessary member in conspiracies common wealth, & advantage the holy league as much in this means of sedition, as all Philip's power by invasion. Simple English men, that cannot see into policy before it surprise your peace, nor interrupt the ambition of treachery, before it hath besieged your prosperity. Do you behold whiles innovations bud, & do not you fear lest your children and family be poisoned with the fruit. The Scythians are barbarous, yet more foreseeing than you, who so detested all foreign innovations, tending to the derogation of their ancient customs, that they killed Anacharuns for no other cause, but for that he performed the rights of Sibil after the manner of the Grecians. What should I upbraid your simplicity with the Epidaurians provident subtlety, who fearing lest their Country men should attract innovations from other nations, & especially from their riotous neighbours the Illirians, interdicted their merchants from all traffic with them, or travail unto them, but lest they should be utterly destitute of their commodities, they chose a grave man amongst them, known to be of good government & reputation, who dealt continually for the whole Country in the way of exchange, and marvelously augmented their wealth by the reverence of his wisdom. But you fond men, as in garments so in government continually affecting new fashions, think no man can be saved that hath not been at Geneva. Your belief forsooth must be of that Scottish kind, & your Bibles of the primitive print, else your consciences God wots, are not of the canonical cut, nor your opinions of the Apostles stamp. Pen. with Pan, hath contended with Apollo, and you like Midases, have overprized his music. Good God, that a Welsh harp should enchant so many English hearts to their confusion, especially having near a string belonging to it, but a triple. Had a siren sung, & I drowned in attending her descant. I would have bequeathed my bane to her beauty, but when Cerberus shall bark & I turn back to listen, them let me perish without pity, in the delight of my living destruction. Deceit hath took up his seat in a dunce, & you think him a saint, because he comes not in the shape of a devil. We know M. Pen. intus & in cute, first for a papist, then for a Brownist, next for an Anabaptist, & last for the blasphemous Martin, whose spirit is the concrete compound of all these unpardonable heresies. But had not the frantic practice of his youth thoroughly founded his confirmed age in this fury, I would have imagined his upstart spite, a wonder above usual speech, whereas now the conjectures drawn from his cradles, detract from his malice all marvels. For whiles he was yet a fresh man in Peterhouse, and had scarce tasted, as we say, of Seton's modalibus, he began to affect factions in art, & show himself openly a studious disgracer of antiquity. Who then such an unnatural enemy to Aristotle, or such a newfangled friend unto Ramus. This one thing I am sure of, he never went for other than an ass, amongst his companions and equals, yet such a mutinous blockhead was he always accounted, that through town and College he was commonly called the seditious dunce. For one while he would be libeling against Arist. and all his followers he knew, another while he would all to berhyme Doctor Perne, for his new statutes, & make a byword of his bald pate, yea had the Dean, President, or any other officer never so little angered him, they were sure ere the week went about to have hard of it, in some libel or other. This humour held him at that time, when by conversing with French men near Christ's College of a Papist, he became a Brownist, how afterwards from a Brownist he fell to be an Anabaptist, I refer it to those that knew his after behaviour in Oxford. But for his last descent, a malo in peius from an Anabaptist to be that infamous Martin, impute it to the age of his heresies, that are now in there Harvest. Neither would I have you think there was no more heads in it then his own, For I can assure you to the contrary, that most of the Puritan preachers in Northampton shire, Warwick shire, Sufolke and Northffolke, have either brought stone, straw or mortar to the building of this Martin. Only Pen. found nothing but ry, which the last part of his name, affordeth sufficiently, you may see what it is for a nest of hornets to hive together, oh they will make brave combs to choke bees withal, if they be let alone but one quarter, not so much as T. C. himself, but will have the help of his fellow Brethren, if he hath any thing to write against Bishops, were not all the elected in Cambridge, assembled about the shaping of the confutation of the Remish Testament, O so devoutly they met every Friday at Saint Laurence his Monastery, where the counsels & fathers, were distributed amongst several companies, & every one of the reformed society sent there combined quotations week by week in a Capcase, to my brother Thomas, yet wandering beyond sea, such a Chaos of common places, no apothegmatical Lycosthenes ever conceited. Bishops were the smallest bugs, that were aimed at in this extraordinary benevolence, God shield, the court have escaped their collections. Some thing it would prove in the end if it were published, that is powdered with the brains of so many Puritan springols', and polluted with the pains of such an infinite number of Asses. Much good do it you M. Martin, how like you my style, am not I old Ille ego qui quondam at the besleeving of a sichophant. Alas poor idiot, thou thinkest no man can write but thyself, or frame his pen to delight, except he strain courtesy with one of thy Northern figures, but if authority do not moderate, the fiery fervence of my inflamed zeal, i'll assail thee from term to term with Archilochus, in such a complete armour of iambics, as the very reflexcye of my fury, shall make thee drive thy father before thee to the gallows, for begetting thee in such a bloody hour, O God that we two might be permitted but one quarter, to try it out by the teeth for the best benefice in England, then would I distill my wit into ink, and my soul into arguments, but I would drive this Danus from his dunghill, and make him faun like a dog for favour at the magistrates feet. But it is our English policy to advantage our enemies by delays, and resist a multitude with a few, which makes sedition seed before the harvesters of our souls suppose it in the blade: it is not the spirit of mildness that must moderate the heart of folly, dogs must be beaten with staves, & stubborn slaves controlled with stripes. Authority best knows how to diet these bedlamites, although signor Penry in his last waste paper hath subscribed our magistrates infants. Repent, repent thou runagate lozill, and play not the Seminary any longer in corners, lest thy chiefest benefactors forsake thee, and recover the poverty of their fines, by bringing the pursuivants to thy form. I hear some underhand whisperers, and green-headed novices exclaim against our Bishops, for not granting thee disputation. Alas alas brother Martin it may not be: for thou art known to be such a stolen hackster, with thy welsh hook, that no honest man will debase himself in buckling with such a braggar. But suppose we should send some Crepundio forth our schools to beat thee about the ears with ergo. Where should this sillogistica concertatio be solemnized: what in our University schools at Oxford, or in pulvere Philosophico at Cambridge. No they were erected in time of Popery, and must be new built again before they can give any access to his arguments. Truly I am afraid that this General counsel, must be holden at Geneva, when all is done, for I know no place in Enland holy enough for their turn, except it be some barn or outhouse about Bury, or some odd blind cottage in the heart of Warwick shire, and thither peradventure, these good honest opponents would repair without grudging. Provided always that they have their horse-hire and other charges allowed them out of the poor man's box, or else it is no bargain. All this fadges well yet, if we had once determined who should be father of the act. Why what a question is that, when we have so many persecuted elders abroad. The blind, the halt, or the lame, or any serves the turn with them, so he hath not on a cloak with sleeves, or a cap of the university cut. Imagine that place to be furnished, where shall we find moderators, that may deal indifferently twixt both parts. Machiuell is dead many a year ago, or else he had been a fit man for this may-game, therefore whom shall we have now, since it must be neither yours nor ours. Some upstart country Gentleman, that hath undone all his tenants by oppression, even such a one as Scar. of Warwick shire, that being a noted Martinist, be frinded his poor coppi-holder Criar, & turned him out of all that ere he had very orderly. How think you my lay brethren? is not here a trim convocation towards. But mark the end of it, and then you may haps see odd buffeting with the buttoned books, and battering down of bishoprics. Giles of Sidborough will off with his gown at least, & make demonstrations of Logic with his fists like Zeno, what though he be low and cannot reach so high as an Archbishop, may not he stand like a jackanapes on his wives shoulders, & scold for the best game with all that come. He is saving a reverence a spritish dispuer, and a pestilent below at an unperfect syllogism. Nay mark me well, & take me at my words, he shall speak false Latin, forge a text, abuse a Bishop, or make a lie of revelation for more than I speak off with any man in England. Neither do I flatter him herein for he hears me not, if I did, it were no matter, considering that virtus laudata crescit,  
From jest to earnest, I appeal to you Gentlemen, how ridiculous in policy this disputation would prove if it were granted. First for there Bibles, the touchstone of all controversies, they must be of their Favourites translation, or else they will deny there authority as frivolous. Admit they go to the original (which but few of them understand) they will have every man his sundry interpretation. Let our divines allege any text, they will expound it as they list, say the fathers or other ancient writers what they will. For such is the growth of their arrogancy, that they are not ashamed to compare themselves with Jerome or Austen, and in their tedious sermons preach against them as profane. If this then be any betraying of the wretchedness of our cause (as they call it) not to dispute with them that deny all principles, not to contend with them that willbe tried by none but themselves, I refer it to all considerate judgements, that have no more experience in the actions of peace than a reasonable soul may afford. The more pacified sort of our Puritans, would needs persuade the world, that it is nought but a learned ministry which their champion Martin endeavours: were it no otherwise his pardon were easily sealed, but those that know the treason of his books, can report of his malice against Bishops. One thing I am persuaded, that he neither respects the propagation of the Gospel, nor the prosperity of the Church, but only the benefit that may fall to him and his bolsterers, by the distribution of bishoprics. Beshrew me but those Church-livings would come well to decayed courtiers. O how merrily the Dice would run, if our lusty lads might go to hazard for half a dozen of these Dioses. Not a page but would have a fling at some or other impropriation or parsonage: and in conclusion, those livings which now maintain so many scholars and students, would in two or three years be all spent in a Tavern amongst a consort of queans and fiddlers, that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion of religion. Well, to proceed in this text of reformation: is not this thy meaning Martin, that thou wouldst have two and fifty thousand Pastors, for two and fifty thousand Parish churches in England and Wales. If thou sayest the word, we will have a place in both Universities, begin in Oxford first with the freshmen, and so go up to the heads of the University, and then count how many thou canst make. Our Beadles that know the number best, would needs persuade us, that of all sorts, there is not full three thousand: in Cambridge they say there is not so many by a thousand, then call thy wits together, and imagine with thyself, out of these three thousand, and two thousand of all gatherings, how many good preachers may be mustered, some four hundredth as I guess, peradventure thou mayst rebate them to some fifty or threescore, because there is no more open-mouthes of thy profession in both Universities: How far this fifty is from fifty thousand, a farthing worth of Arithmetic will teach you: where wilt thou have then a competent number to fill up those defects of dumb ministers: inspiration I perceive must help to patch up your knavery, and then welfare the cobbler of Norwitch, that being one morning something early at Saint andrew's, and the Preacher not come before the Psalm was ended, stepped up into the pulpit very devoutly, and made me a good thriftiss exhortation in the praise of plain dealing. If this be not true, ask the Mayor that committed him to prison for his labour. Such another Doctor would he prove, that standing in election for a living that was then in her majesties bestowing, came to be examined by men of gravity in the circumstance of his sufficiency, who descending est 'zounds into his unschooled simplicity, gave him this little English to be made in Latin. There be three creeds, the Nycen creed, Athanatius creed, and the Apostles creed, all which ought to be believed upon pain of damnation. The good simple superintendant, that saw himself so hardly beset, craved respite to compass this vulgar, which granted, after some deliberation he began thus to go forward, Tria sunt Creda, unum Niceni, alterum Athanasii, tertium Apostolorum, quae omnesdebent esse creditum, sub poena condemnationis. I marry Sir, here is apiece of scholershippe of the new cut, which for the goodness of the Latin might have borne a part in the Pewteres paggeant. I keep a register of ten thousand such knacks. Why, there is not a Presician in England that hath abused art, or mistoken a metaphor but I have his name in black and white, what say you to that zealous shéepebyter of your own edition in Cambridge, that said the wicked had a scab, a brawn, and a crust on their conscience, being so full of their wily gilies, that we that are the true children of God can not tell how to concern them: or was not he a sound card, that talking of the majesty and authority of the scriptures, said they were the sweet meats of Saints, the household stuff of heaven, and the home spun cloth of the Lords own looms, being delivered from the stonebow of his mouth, when he appeared in glory on mount Sinai: But this is nothing to the good sport of that is behind. What, I must tell you of a fellow that trolles in his rethotike like Martin in his riddles. This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint Maries at Oxford, came off with this mannerly comparison: There is an ugly and monstrous beast in our tongue-called a hog, and this ugly and monstrous beast in boisterous and tempestuous weather lifts up his suoute into the air, and cries wrough, wrough: even so (dear people) the children of God in the troublesome time of temptations, cry, Our help is in the name of the Lord. Such another woodcock was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the pulpit, whosoever wears a veil, is an whore without exception, and on an other time, two women coming to be churched, whereof the one wore a vail, the other went without. He began his thanksgiving in this form: Let us give God thanks for the safe delivery of one of our sisters, for the other let us not give God thanks, for she is a stranger, and we have nothing to do with her, I take her to be Dinah the harlot, that sat by the high way side, for she hath a veil over her face, In the next place to him, shall he be put that raising on the Papists in his Sermon, alleged this argument to confute their religion, Nay (saith he) you may gather what a wicked and spotted religion this papistry is, for Campion himself that was accounted their chiefest pillar, was reported to have had the pox. I have another in my tables, that handling that place of josua where Rahab entertained his spies, would needs conclude all innkeepers to be harlots, because Rahab the harlot was an Innkeeper. I shall run my pen out of breath, if I articulate all the examples of their absurdeties that I could. Have not Trinity Ha●l men in Cambridge a preaching brother in Bury yet in suit, for saying all civillians were papists. To let him pass for a patch, that being master of none of the meanest Colleges in Cambridge, and by the oath of his admission, bound to take no money for preferments, made answer to one that offered him forty marks to make his son fellow: God forbidden I should take any money for it is against my oath, but if you will give me it in plate, I'll pleasure him in what I may. This is the dreamer if you be advised, that is indebted above two thousand hours to the Unersitie, which he hath borrowed by three and four at a time upon several sundays preaching as it came to his course: it is a shame for him, that he doth not pay them, professing such purity as he doth. Martin, thou seest I come not abruptly to thee like a rednosed jester, that in the pride of his pottle-pots curries over a reveling riff-raff of Tapsterly taunts, and course hempen quips, such as our brokerly wits do filsh out of Bull the Hanginans budget, but I speak plain English, and call thee a knave in thine own language. All the generation of you are Hypocrites and belli-gods, that devour as much good meat in one of your brotherly love meetings, as would well-nigh victual the queens ships a whole month. It is a shame for you to exclaim so against Cards, and play thus unreasonably at Maw as you do. Gaffe Martin, do you remember whom you upbraided by Primero? well let not me take you at Noddy any more, lest I present you to the parish for a gamester, this is the ninth set that you have lost, and yet you will not leave off. Beware Anthony Monday be not even with you for calling him judas, and lay open your false carding to the stage of all men's scorn. I marvel Pasquil comes not away with his legends, considering that the date of his promise is more than expired. It seems he stays for some Saints that are yet to suffer, and wants none but Martin to make up his legend of Martyrs, if it be so I would thou wouldst come aloft quickly, that we might have this good sport altogether, and not live ever in expectation of that which is not. O I could furnish him to the proof with such a packet of male and female professors, as the world might not pattern. A good old dunstable doctor here in London, should be the foremost of them, that said his wife was as good as our Lady: and another time quarreling with one of his neighbours that was a fadler, about setting up of the Organs, in a good zeal he lift up his fist, and stroke out two of his fore teeth, like a right man of peace: where have you lived my brethren, that you have not heard of that learned Presbyter, that talking how Adam fell by eating of the Apple, discoursed thus: Adam eat the Apple and gave it to his wife, whereby is to be noted that the man eat and the woman eat, the man eat, but how, a snap and away: the woman eat, but how, she laid her thumb on the stalk, and her finger on the core and bit it overthwart, in which biting it overthwart, she broke all the commandments, insomuch as under ten green spots the ten commandments in every Apple are comprised: and besides that corrupted her five senses. From whence we may gather this observation, that a woman always eats an Apple overthwart. Why, this is sound divinity, and apt for to edify, Sed abeundum est mihi, and from the Clergy must I leap to the laity. Wherefore God even good man Davy of Canterbury, and better luck betid thee and thy limbs, then when thou dancedst a whole sunday at a wedding, and afterwards repenting thyself of thy profane agility, thou entredst into a more serious meditation against what table thou hadst sinned, or what part was the principal in this antic iniquity. The eyes they were the foremost in this inditement, but the legs, (O those lewd legs,) they brought him thither, they kept him there, they leapt, they danced, and I levalted to the vials of vanity: wherefore, what didst thou but like a true christian chastised them accordingly. The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, Davy saith, my hose and shoes have offended me, therefore will I pluck them off. This text thus applied, off went the woollen stockings with a trice, and they with the good neats leather shoes were cast both into the bottom of a well. The sinners thus punished, and all parties pleased, home went the pilgrim Davy barefoot and bareleg. And now since wind and tide serves, now I care not if I cut over to Ipswitch: there is a Cowdresser there that I am sure will entertain me if she be not dead, great jane of Ipswitch they call her, one that hath been a tender mother to many a Martinist in her time, and hath a very good insight in a can of strong wine. A good virtuous Matron is she and a wise, having no fault but this, that she will be drink once a day, and then she lies her down on her bed, and cries, O my God, my God, thou knowest I am drunk, and why I should offend thee my God by spewing thus, as I do. I have not been in Essex yet, but I'll set in my staff there as I go home, for I have a petition for my brother that made the Sermon of Repentance to deliver up for me to the Council: but it must not be such a one as he delivered for himself to my Lord Treasurer, beginning with O sweet Margery, could thy eyes see so fare, thy hands feel so far, or thy ears hear so far etc. for then every serving man will mock us, but it must be of another tune, with most pitifully complaining, that a man can not call an Ass, ass, but he shall be had coram nobis, In this vain enough, because actions of the case are chargeable, & Guild men uncharitable. If the dog Martin bark again, I'll hold him tug for two or three courses, and then beware my black book you were best, for I have not half emboweld my register. Amend, amend, and glory no more in your hypocrisy, lest your pride and vain glory betray our prosperity to our enemies, and procure the Lords vengeance to dwell in the gates of our city. The simple are abused, the ignorant deluded, & God's truth most pitifully perversed, and thou art that most wretched seducer, that under wolves raiment devourest widows houses. visions are ceased, and all extraordinary revelation ended, although a good fellow in Cambridge, hearing all things might be obtained by prayer, prayed two days and two nights for visions: wherefore broach no more heresies under colour of inspiration: if thou dost, thou art like to hear of me by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to your Noddishippe.  
Yours to command as your own for two or three cudgel at all times. Cuthbert Curriknane the younger.