Greene's Tu quoque, OR, The City Gallant. As it hath been divers times acted by the queen's majesties Servants, Written by IO. COOKE Gent.  
 
Printed at London for john Trundle. 1614.   

To the Reader.  
TO gratulate the love and memory of my worthy friend the Author, and my entirely beloved Fellow, the Actor, I could not choose being in the way just when this Play was to be published in private, but to prefix some token of my affection to either in the frontispiece of the Book. For the Gentleman that wrote it, his Poem itself can better speak his praise, than any Oratory from me. Nor can I tell whether this work was divulged with his consent or no: but howsoever, since it hath passed the Test of the stage with so general an applause, pity it were but it should likewise have the honour of the Press. As for Master Green, all that I will speak of him (and that without flattery) is this (if I were worthy to censure) there was not an Actor of his nature in his time of better ability in performance of what he undertook; more applaudent by the Audience, of greater grace at the Court, or of more general love in the City, and so with this brief character of his memory, I commit him to his rest.  
Thomas Heywood.   

Upon the death of Thomas green.  

How fast bleak Autumn changeth Flora's die,  
What yesterday was (Green) now's sear & dry.   
W. R.   

Greene's Tu Quoque.  A mercer's Shop discovered, Gartred working in it, Spendall walking by the Shop: M Balance walking over the Stage: after him Longfield and Geraldine. Francis. 
WHat lack you sir? fair stuffs, or velvets?  Ball. 
Good morrow Frank.  Fran. 
Good morrow master Balance.  Gerald. 
Save you master Longfield.  Long. 
And you sir, what business draws you toward this end o'th' town?  Gerald. 
Faith no great serious affairs, only a stirring humour to walk, and partly to see the beauties of the City; but it may be you can instruct me: pray whose shop's this?  Long. 
Why 'tis Will Rash's fathers, a man that you are well acquainted with. Enter a wench with a basket of linen  Ger. 
As with yourself; and is that his sister?  Long. 
Marry is it sir.  Ger. 
Pray let us walk, I would behold her better.  Wench. 
Buy some coifs, handkerchers, or very good bonelace Mistress.  Gart. 
None.  Wench. 
Will you buy any handkerchers, sir?  Spend. 
Yes, have you any fine ones?  Wench 
I'll show you choice, please you look sir?  Spend. 
How now! what news?  Wench. 
Mistress Tickleman has sent you a Letter, and expects your company at night, and entreats you to send her an angel, whether you can come, or whether you can not. He reads.  Spend. 
Sweet rascal! if your love be as earnest as your protestation, you will meet me this night at Supper, you know the rendezvous, there will be good company, a noise of choice Fiddlers, a fine boy with an excellent voice, very good songs and bawdy; and which is more, I do purpose myself to be exceeding merry: but if you come not, I shall pout myself sick, and not eat one bit tonight.  
Your continual close friend, Nan Tickleman.  
I pray send me an angel by this bearer, whether ye can come, or whether ye cannot. What's the price of these two?  Wench. 
Half a crown in truth, sir.  Spend. 
Hold thee, there's an angel, and commend me to my delight, tell her I will not fail her, though I lose my freedom by't. Exit wench.  Wench. 
I thank you sir; buy any fine handkerchers?  Long. 
You are taken sir extremely, what's the object?  Gerald. 
she's wondrous fair.  Long. 
Nay, and your thoughts be on wenching I'll leave you.  Gerald. 
You shall not be so unfriendly, pray assist me; we'll to the shop and cheapen stuffs or satins.  Spend. 
What lack you Gentlemen? fine stuffs, velvets, or satins? pray come near.  Ger. 
Let me see a good satin.  Spend. 
You shall sir, what colour?  Ger. 
Faith I am indifferent, what colour most affects you Lady?  Gart. 
Sir!  Ger. 
Without offence (fair creature) I demand it.  Gart. 
Sir, I believe it, but I never did  
Tie my affection unto any colour.  Ger. 
But my affection (fairest) is fast tied  
Unto the crimson colour of your cheek.  Gart. 
You relish too much Courtier, sir.  Long. 
What's the price of this?  Spend. 
fifteen indeed sir.  Long. 
You set a high rate on't, it had need be good.  Spend. 
Good! if you find a better i'th' town, I'll give you mine for nothing: if you were my own brother, I'd put it into your hands, look upon't, 'tis close wrought, and has an excellent glass.  Long. 
ay, I see't.  Spend. 
Pray sir come into the next room; I'll show you that of a lower price shall (perhaps) better please you.  Long. 
This fellow has an excellent tongue, sure he was brought up in the Exchange.  Spend. 
Will you come in sir?  Long. 
No, 'tis no matter, for I mean to buy none.  Gerald. 
Pre thee walk in, what you bargain for, I'll discharge.  Long. 
Say so; fall to your work, I'll be your chapman.  Ger. 
Why do you say I flatter? Exeunt Spend. Long.  Gart. 
Why? you do;  
And so do all men when they women woo.  Ger. 
Who looks on heaven, and not admires the work?  
Who views a well cut Diamond, does not praise  
The beauty of the Stone? if these deserve  
The name of Excellent, I lack a word  
For thee which merit'st more,  
More than the tongue of man can attribute.  Gart. 
This is pretty Poetry, good fiction this: Sir, I must leave you.  Ger. 
Leave with me first some comfort.  Gart. 
What would you crave?  Gerald. 
That which I fear you will not let me have.  Gart. 
You do not know my bounty; Say what 'tis.  Ger. 
No more (fair creature) then a modest kiss.  Gart. 
If I should give you one, would you refrain, on that condition, ne'er to beg again.  Ger. 
I dare not grant to that.  Gart. 
Then't seems you have,  
Though you get nothing, a delight to crave,  
One will not hurt my lip, which you may take,  
Not for your love, but for your absence' sake. So farewell sir.  Ger. 
O fare thee well (fair regent of my soul)  
Never let ill sit near thee, unless it come  
To purge itself; be as thou ever seemst,  
An Angel of thy Sex, borne to make happy  
The man that shall possess thee for his Bride.  Enter Spendall and Longfield. Spen. 
will you have it for thirteen shillings and six pence? I'll fall to as low a price as I can, because I'll buy your custom.  Long. 
How now man! what! entranced?  Ger. 
Good sir, ha' you done?  Long. 
Yes faith, I think as much as you, and 'tis just nothing: where's the wench?  Gerald. 
she's here sir, here.  Long. 
Uds pity! unbutton man, thou'lt stifle her else.  Ger. 
Nay good sir, will you go?  Long. 
With all my heart, I stay but for you.  Spen. 
Do you hear sir?  Long. 
What say?  Spend. 
Will you take it for thirteen?  Long. 
Not a penny more than I bid. Ex. Ger. & Long.  Spend. 
Why then say you might have had a good bargain; Where's this boy to make up the wares? here's some ten pieces opened, and all to no purpose. Enter Boy.  Boy. 
O Frank! shut up shop, shut up shop.  Spend. 
Shut up shop, boy, why?  Boy. 
My Master is come from the Court knighted, and bid us, for he says he will have the first year of the reign of his Knighthood kept holiday; here he comes. Enter sir Lionell.  Spend. 
God give your worship joy, sir.  Sir Lion. 
O Francke! I have the worship now in the right kind, the sword of Knighthood sticks still upon my shoulders, and I feel the blow in my purse, it has cut two leather bags asunder; but all's one, honour must be purchased: I will give over my City coat, and betake myself to the Court jacket; as for trade, I will deal in't no longer, I will seat thee in my shop, and it shall be thy care to ask men what they lack, my stock shall be summed up, and I will call thee to an account for it.  Spend. 
My service sir, never deserved so much,  
Nor could I ever hope so large a bounty  
Could spring out of your love.  Sir Lion. 
That's all one,  
I do love to do things beyond men's hopes,  
Tomorrow I remove into the Strand,  
There for this quarter dwell, the next at Fulham:  
He that hath choice, may shift, the whilst shalt thou  
Be master of this house, and rent it free.  Spend. 
I thank you sir.  Sir Lion. 
Today I'll go dine with my Lord Maior: tomorrow with the Sheriffs, and next day with the Aldermen, I will spread the Ensign of my knighthood over the face of the City, which shall strike as great a terror to my enemies, as ever Tamberlaine to the Turks.  

Come Frank, come in with me, and see the meat,  
Upon the which my knighthood first shall eat. Ex: omnes.   Enter Stains. stains. 
There is a devil has haunted me these three years, in likeness of an Usurer, a fellow that in all his life never ate three groat loaves out of his own purse, nor never warmed him but at other men's fires, never saw a joint of mutton in his own house these four and twenty years, but always cozened the poor prisoners, for he always bought his victuals out of the almsbasket, and yet this rogue now feeds upon capons which my tenants sent him out of the Country; he is Landlord forsooth over all my possessions: well, I am spent, and this rogue has consumed me; I dare not walk abroad to see my friends, for fear the sergeant should take acquaintance of me: my refuge is Ireland, or Virginia; necessity cries out, and I will presently to Westchester. Enter Bubble .How now! Bubble hast thou packed up all thy things? our parting time is come: nay pray thee do not weep.  Bub. 
Affection sir will burst out.  stains. 
Thou hast been a faithful servant to me, go to thy uncle, he'll give thee entertainment, tell him upon the stony rock of his merciless heart my fortunes suffer shipwreck.  Bub. 
I will tell him he is an usuring rascal, and one that would do the Commonwealth good, if he were hanged.  stains. 
Which thou hast cause to wish for, thou art his heir, my affectionate Bubble.  Bub. 
But Master, wherefore should we be parted?  stains. 
Because my fortunes are desperate, thine are hopeful.  Bub. 
Why but whither do you mean to go Master?  stains. 
Why to Sea.  Bub. 
To sea! Lord bless us, methinks I hear of a tempest already, but what will you do at Sea?  stains. 
Why as other Gallants do that are spent, turn pirate.  Bub. 
O Master! have the grace of Wapping before your eyes, remember a high tide, give not your friend's cause to wet their handkerchers: nay Master, I'll tell you a better course than so, you and I will go and rob mine uncle; if we scape, we'll domineer together, if we be taken, we'll be hanged together at Tyburn, that's the warmer gallows of the two.  Enter a Messenger. Mes. 
By your leave sir, whereabouts dwells one M. Bubble?  Bub. 
Do you hear, my friend, do you know M. Bubble if you do see him?  Mes. 
No in truth do I not.  Bub. 
What is your business with Master Bubble?  Mes. 
Marry sir, I come with welcome news to him.  Bub. 
Tell it, my friend, I am the man.  Mes. 
May I be assured sir, that your name is master Bubble?  Bub. 
I tell thee, honest friend, my name is master Bubble, Master Bartholomew Bubble.  Mes. 
Why then sir, you are heir to a million, for your uncle the rich usurer is dead.  Bub. 
Pray thee honest friend, go to the next Haberdashers, and bid him send me a new melancholy hat, and take thou that for thy labour.  Mes. 
I will sir. Exit.  Enter another Messenger hastily, and knocks. Bub. 
umh, umh, umh.  Sta. 
I would the news were true; see how my little Bubble is blown up with't!  Bub. 
Do you hear, my friend, for what do you knock there?  2. Mes. 
Marry sir, I would speak with the worshipful Master Bubble.  Bub. 
The worshipful! and what would you do with the worshipful Master Bubble? I am the man.  2. Mes. 
I cry your worship mercy then, Master Thong the Beltmaker sent me to your worship, to give you notice, that your uncle is dead, and that you are his only heir. Exit.  Bub. 
Thy news is good, and I have looked for't long,  
Thanks unto thee, my friend, and goodman Thong.  Enter Master Blank. stains. 
Certainly, this news is true: for see another, by this light his Scrivener! now M. Blank, whither away so fast?  Bla. 
Master Stains, God save you, where is your man?  stains. 
Why look you sir, do you not see him?  Bla. 
God save the right worshipful master Bubble; I bring you heavy news with a light heart.  Bub. 
What are you?  Bla. 
I am your worships poor Scrivener.  Bub. 
He is an honest man it seems, for he has both his ears.  Bla. 
I am one that your worship's uncle committed some trust in for the putting out of his money, and I hope I shall have the putting out of yours.  Bub. 
The putting out of mine! would you have the putting out of money?  Bla. 
Yea sir.  Bub. 
No sir, I am old enough to put out my own money.  Bla. 
I have writings of your worships.  Sta. 
As thou lov'st thy profit, hold thy tongue, thou and I will confer.  Bub. 
Do you hear, my friend, can you tell me when, and how my uncle died?  Bla. 
Yes sir, he died this morning, and he was killed by a Butcher?  Bub. 
How! by a Butcher?  Bla. 
Yes indeed sir, for going this morning into the Market, to cheapen meat, he fell down stark dead, because a Butcher asked him four shillings for a shoulder of Mutton.  Bu. 
How stark dead! & could not aqua vitae fetch him again?  Bla. 
No sir, nor Rosa solis neither, and yet there was trial made of both.  Bu. 
I shall love aqua vitae & rosa solis the better while I live.  Sta. 
Will it please your worship to accept of my poor service, you know my case is desperate, I beseech you that I may feed upon your bread, though it be of the brownest, and drink of your drink though it be of the smallest, for I am humble in body, and dejected in mind, and will do your worship as good service for forty shillings a year, as another shall for 3. pounds.  Bub. 
I will not stand with you for such a matter, because you have been my master, but otherwise, I will entertain no man without some Knights or lady's Letter for their behaviour, Gervase I take it is your christen name.  Sta. 
Yes if it please your worship.  Bub. 
Well Gervase, be a good servant, and you shall find me a dutiful master: and because you have been a Gentleman, I will entertain you for my Tutor in behaviour; Conduct me to my palace. Exeunt omnes.  Enter Geraldine as in his study reading. Ger. 
As little children love to play with fire,  
And will not leave till they themselves do burn,  
So did I fondly dally with Desire:  
Until loves flames grew hot, I could not turn,  
Nor well avoid; but sigh and sob, and mourn  
As children do, whenas they feel the pain,  
Till tender mother kiss them whole again.  
Fie, what unsavoury stuff is this? but she,  
Whose mature judgement can distinguish things,  
Will thus conceit; tales that are harshest told,  
Have smoothest meanings, and to speak are bold:  
It is the first-born Sonnet of my brain,  
We sucked a white leaf from my black-lipped pen  
So sad employment, Enter Will Rash and Long field.  
Yet the dry paper drinks it up as deep,  
As if it flowed from Petrarch's cunning Quill.  Rash. 
How now! what have we here, a Sonnet and a Satire coupled together like my Lady's Dog and her monkey; As little children etc.  Ger. 
Pre thee away, by the deepest oath that can be sworn, thou shalt not read it, by our friendship I conjure thee, pray thee let go.  Rash. 
Now in the name of Cupid, what want'st thou, a pigeon, a dove, a mate, a turtle, dost love foul, ha?  
O no, she's fairer thrice than is the Queen,  
Whom beauteous Venus called is by name, pray thee let me know what she is thou lovest, that I may shunae her, if I should chance to meet her.  Long. 
Why I'll tell you sir what she is, if you do not know.  Rash. 
No not I, I protest.  Long. 
Why 'tis your sister.  Rash. 
How! my sister?  Long. 
Yes, your eldest sister.  Rash. 
Now God bless the man, he had better choose a wench that has been borne and bred in an alley, her tongue is a perpetual motion, Thought is not so swift as it is; and for pride, the woman that had her Ruff poked by the devil, is but a Puritan to her, thou couldst never have fastened thy affection on a worse subject, she'll flout faster than a court-waiting woman in progress, any man that comes in the way of honesty does she set her mark upon, that is, a villainous left; for she is a kind of Poetess, and will make Ballads upon the calves of your legs: I pray thee let her alone, she'll never make a good wife for any man unless it be a Leather dresser; for perhaps he, in time, may turn her.  Ger. 
Thou hast a Privilege to utter this,  
But by my life my own blood could not scape  
A chastisement for thus profaning her,  
Whose virtues sits above men's calumnies,  
Had mine own brother spoke thus liberally,  
My fury should have taught him better manners.  Long. 
No more words as you fear a challenge.  Rash. 
I may tell thee in thine ear, I am glad to hear what I do; I pray God send her no worse husband, nor he no worse wife: do you hear love, will you take your Cloak and Rapier, and walk abroad into some wholesome air? I do much fear thy infection, good council I see will do no good on thee, but pursue the end, and to thy thoughts, I'll prove a faithful friend.  Enter Spendall, Nan Tickleman, Sweat man, Pursenet, and a Drawer. Exit. Spend. 
Here's a spacious room to walk in, sirrah set down the candle, and fetch us up a quart of hippocras, and so we'll part.  Sweat. 
Nay faith Son, we'll have a pottle, let's ne'er be covetous in our young days.  Spend. 
A pottle sirrah, do you hear?  Dra. 
Yes sir, you shall.  Spend. 
How now Wench! how dost?  Tickle. 
Faith I am somewhat sick, yet I should be well enough if I had a new gown.  Spend. 
Why here's my hand, within these three days thou shalt have one.  Sweat. 
And will you (son) remember me for a new forepart, by my troth, my old one is worn so bare, I am ashamed anybody should see't.  Spend. 
Why, did I ever fail of my promise?  Sweat. 
No in sincerity didst thou not. Enter Drawer.  Dra. 
here's a cup of rich hippocras.  Spend. 
Here sister, mother, and master Pursnet; nay good sir, be not so dejected, for by this wine, tomorrow I will send you stuff for a new suit, and as much as shall line you a cloak clean through.  Purs. 
I thank you, and shall study to deserve.  Spend. 
Here boy, fill, and hang that eurmogin that's good for nobody but himself.  Purs. 
Heroickly spoken by this Candle, 'tis pity thou wert not made a Lord.  Spend. 
A Lord! by this Light I do not think but to be Lord Maior of London before I die, and have three Pageants carried before me, besides a Ship and an Unicorn; prentices may pray for that time, for whensoever it happens, I will make another Shrove-Tuesday for them. Enter Drawer.  Dra. 
Young master Rash has sent you a quart of maligo.  Spend. 
M: Rash! 'zounds how does he know I am here?  Dra. 
Nay, I know not sir.  Spend. 
Know not! it comes through you and your rascally glib-tongued companions, 'tis my Master's son, a fine gentleman he is, & a boon companion, I must go so him. Exit Spend.  Sweat. 
Boy, fill us a cup of your maligo, we'll drink to M. Spendall in his absence, there's not a finer spirit of a Citizen within the walls, here master Pursnet you shall pledge him.  Purs. 
I'll not refuse it were it puddle: by Styx he is a bountiful Gentleman, and I shall report him so: here M Tickleman, shall I charge you?  Tickle. 
Do your worst Sergeant, I'll pledge my young Spendall a whole sea, as they say, fa la la la la, would the Music were here again, I do begin to be wanton, hippocras sirrah, and a dry biscuit; here bawd, a carouse.  Sweat. 
Bawd! i'faith you begin to grow light i'th' head, I pray, no more such words, for if you do, I shall grow into distempers.  Tickle. 
Distempers! hang your distempers, be angry with me and thou dar'st, I pray, who feeds you, but I? who keeps the featherbeds from the Brokers, but I? 'tis not your sausage face, thick clouted cream rampallion at home, that snuffles in the nose like a decayed Bagpipe.  Purs. 
Nay, sweet Mistress Tickleman, be concordant, reverence Antiquity.  Enter Rash, Longfield, and Spendal. Rash. 
Save you, sweet creatures of beauty, save you: How now old Belzebub, how dost thou?  Sweat. 
Belzebub! Belzebub in thy face.  Spend. 
Nay, good words Mistress Swearman, he's a young Gallant, you must not weigh what he says.  Rash. 
I would my lamentable complaining Lover had been here, here had been a Supersede as for his melancholy, and i'faith Frank I am glad my father has turned over his shop to thee, I hope I, or any friend of mine, shall have so much credit with thee, as to stand in thy books for a suit of Satin.  Spend. 
For a whole piece, if you please, any friend of yours shall command me to the last remnant.  Rash. 
Why God a mercy Francke, what, shall's to dice?  Spend. 
Dice or drink, here's forty crowns, as long as that will last, any thing.  Rash. 
Why there spoke a jingling Boy.  Spend. 
A pox of money, 'tis but rubbish, and he that hoards it up, it but a Scavenger: if there be cards i'th' house, let's go to Primero.  Rash. 
Primero! why I thought thou hadst not been so much gamester as to play at it.  Spend. 
Gamester (to say truth) I am none, but what is it I will not be in good company? I will fit myself to all humours, I will game with a Gamester, drink with a drunkard, be civil with a citizen, fight with a swaggerer, and drab with a whoremaster.  Enter a Swaggerer puffing. Rash. 
An excellent humour i'faith.  Long. 
'zounds what have we here?  Spend. 
A land Porpoise, I think.  Rash. 
This is no angry, nor no roaring boy, but a blustering boy; now Aeolus defend us, what puffs are these?  Swag. 
I do smell a whore.  Dra. 
O Gentlemen, give him good words, he's one of the roaring boys.  Swag. 
Rogue.  Dra. 
Here sir.  Swag. 
Take my cloak, I must unbuckle, my pickled oysters work; puff, puff.  Spend. 
Puff, puff.  Swag. 
Dost thou retort, in opposition stand.  Spend. 
Out you swaggering Rogue, 'zounds I'll kick him out of the room. beats him away.  Tickle. 
Out alas! their naked tools are out,  Spend. 
Fear not (sweet heart;) come along with me.  Enter Gartred sola. Exeunt omnes. Gart. 
Thrice happy days they were, and too soon gone,  
whenas the heart was coupled with the tongue,  
And no deceitful flattery or guile:  
Hung on the lovers tear-commixed smile:  
Could women learn but that imperiousness,  
By which men use to stint our happiness,  
When they have purchased us for to be theirs,  
By customary sighs and forced tears,  
To give us bits of kindness lest we faint,  
But no abundance, that we ever want,  
And still are begging; which too well they know  
Endears affection, and doth make it grow:  
Had we these sleights, how happy were we then,  
That we might glory over lovesick men?  
But Arts we know not; nor have any skill,  
To feign a sour look to a pleasing will, Enter joys.  
Nor couch a secret love in show of hate:  
But if we like, must be compassionate;  
Yet I will strive to bridle and conceal,  
The hid affection which my heart doth feel.  joice 
Now the boy with the Bird-bolt be praised: nay faith sister forward, 'twas an excellent passion, come let's hear, what is he? if he be a proper man, and have a black eye, a smooth chin, and a curled pare, take him wench, if my father will not consent, run away with him, I'll help to convey you.  Gart. 
You talk strangely sister.  joice 
Sister, sister, dissemble not with me, though you do mean to dissemble with your lover, though you have protested to conceal your affection; by this tongue you shall not, for I'll discover all as soon as I know the Gentleman.  Gart. 
Discover, what will you discover?  joice 
marry, enough I'll warrant thee, first and foremost, I'll tell him thou readst love-passions in print, and speakest every morning without book to thy looking-glass; next, that thou never sleep'st, till an hour after the Bell man; that as soon as thou art asleep, thou art in a dream, and in a dream thou art the kindest and comfortablest bedfellow for kissings and embracings; by this hand, I can not rest for thee, but our father.—  Enter sir Lyonell. Lyonell. 
How now! what are you two consulting on, on husbands? you think you lose time I am sure, but hold your own a little Girls, it shall not be long ere I'll provide for you: and for you Gartered, I have bethought myself already,  

Whirlpit the usurer is late deceased,  
A man of unknown wealth, which he has left  
Unto a provident kinsman as I hear,  
That was once servant to that unthrift Stains.  
A prudent Gentleman they say he is,  
And (as I take it) called master Bubble.   joice 
Bubble!  Lyonell 
Yes nimble-chaps, what say you to that?  joice 
Nothing, but that I wish his Christen name were Water.  Gart. 
Sir, I'm at your disposing, but my mind  
Stands not as yet towards marriage,  
Were you so pleased I would a little longer  
Enjoy the quiet of a single bed.  Lyonell 
here's the right trick of them all, let a man  
Be motioned to 'em, they could be content  
To lead a single life forsooth, when the harlotries  
Do pine and run into diseases,  
Eat chalk and oatmeal, cry and creep in corners,  
Which are manifest tokens of their longings,  
And yet they will dissemble. But Gartered,  
As you do owe me reverence, and will pay it,  
Prepare yourself to like this Gentleman,  
Who can maintain thee in thy choice of Gowns,  
Of tires, of servants, and of costly jewels;  
Nay for a need, out of his easy nature,  
may'st draw him to the keeping of a Coach  
For Country; and caroche for London,  
Indeed what mightst thou not.  Enter a Servant. Servant. 
Sir, here's one come from Master Bubble, to invite you to the funeral of his uncle.  Lyonell 
Thank the Messenger, and make him drink,  
Tell him I will not fail to wait the corpse,  
Yet stay, I will go talk with him myself:  
Gartered, think upon what I have told you,  
And let me ere't be long receive your answer.  Exeunt Lyonell & Ser. joice 
Sister, sister.  Gart. 
What say you sister?  joice 
Shall I provide a Cord?  Gart. 
A Cord! what to do?  joice 
Why to let thee out at the window; do not I know that thou wilt run away with the Gentleman, for whom you made the passion, rather than endure this same Bubble, that my father talks of, 'twere good you would let me be of your council, lest I break the neck of your plot.  Gart. 
Sister, know I love thee,  
And I'll not think a thought thou shalt not know;  
I love a Gentleman that answers me,  
In all the rites of love as faithfully,  
Has wooed me oft with Sonnets, and with tears,  
Yet I seem still to slight him. Experience tells,  
The jewel that's enjoyed is not esteemed,  
Things hardly got, are always highest deemed.  joice 
You say well sister, but it is not good to linger out too long, continuance of time will take away any man's stomach i'th' world; I hope the next time that he comes to you, I shall see him.  Gart. 
You shall.  joice 
Why go to then, you shall have my opinion of him, if he deserve thee, thou shalt delay him no longer; for if you can not find in your heart to tell him you love him, I'll sigh it out for you; come, we little creatures must help one another.  Exeunt. Enter Geraldine. Ger. 
How cheerfully things look in this place,  
'tis always Spring-time here, such is the grace  
And potency of her who has the bliss,  
To make it still Elysium where she is:  
Nor doth the King of flames in's golden fires,  
After a tempest answer men's desires,  
whenas he casts his comfortable beams,  
Over the flowery fields and silver streams,  
As her illustrate Beauty strikes in me,  
And wraps my soul up to felicity.  Enter Gartred and joice aloft. joice 
Do you hear sir?  Gart. 
Why sister, what will you do?  joice 
By my maidenhead, an oath which I ne'er took in vain, either go down and comfort him, or I'll call him up, and disclose all: What, will you have no mercy? but let a proper man, that might spend the spirit of his youth upon yourself, fall into a consumption, for shame sister.  Gart. 
You're the strangest creature, what would you have me do?  Ioy. 
Marry, I would have you go to him, take him by the hand, and gripe him, say you're welcome, I love you with all my heart, you are the man must do the feat, and take him about the neck, and kiss upon the bargain.  Gart. 
Fie how you talk, 'tis mere immodesty,  
The commonest strumpet would not do so much.  Ioy. 
marry the better, for such as are honest,  
Should still do what the common strumpet will not:  
Speak, will you do it?  Gart. 
I'll lose his company for ever first.  joice. 
Do you hear sir? here's a Gentlewoman would speak with you.  Gart. 
Why sister, pray sister.  joice. 
One that loves you with all her heart, yet is ashamed to confess it.  Gart. 
Good sister hold your tongue, I will go down to him.  joice. 
Do not jest with me, for by this hand I'll either get him up, or go down myself, and read the whole History of your love to him.  Gart. 
If you'll forbear to call, I will go down.  joice. 
Let me see your back then, and hear you? do not use him scurvily you were best; unset all your tyrannical looks, and bid him lovingly welcome, or as I live, I'll stretch out my voice again; uds foot, I must take some pains I see, or we shall never have this gear cotton: but to say truth, the fault is in my melancholy Monsieur, for if he had but half so much spirit, as he has flesh, he might ha' boarded her by this. But see, yonder she marches; now a passion of his side of half an hour long, his hat is off already, as if he were begging one poor pennyworth of kindness. Enter Gart.  Ger. 
Shall I presume (fair Mistress) on your hand to lay my unworthy lip?  joice. 
Fie upon him, I am ashamed to hear him, you shall have a Country fellow at a Maypole, go better to his work: he had need to be constant, for he is able to spoil as many Maids as he shall fall in love withal.  Gart. 
Sir, you profess love unto me, let me entreat you it may appear but in some small request.  Ger. 
Let me know it (Lady) and I shall soon effect it.  Gart. 
But for this present to forbear this place,  
Because my father is expected here.  Ger. 
I am gone Lady.  joice. 
Do you hear sir?  Ger. 
Did you call?  joice. 
Look up to the window.  Ger. 
What say you Gentlewoman?  Gart. 
Nay pray sir go, it is my sister calls to hasten you.  joice. 
I call to speak with you, pray stay a little.  Ger. 
The Gentlewoman has something to say to me.  Gart. 
She has nothing, I do conjure you, as you love me, stay not. Exit joice.  Ger. 
The power of Magic can not fasten me, I am gone.  Gart. 
Good sir, look back no more, what voice ere call you,  
Imagine, going from me, you were coming,  
And use the same speed, as you love my safety. Exit Ger.  
Wild witted sister, I have prevented you,  
I will not have my love yet opened to him,  
By how much longer 'tis ere it be known, Enter joice.  
By so much dearer 'twill be when 'tis purchased:  
But I must use my strength to stop her journey,  
For she will after him: and see, she comes;  
Nay sister, you are at furthest.  joice. 
Let me go you were best, for if you wrestle with me I shall throw you, passion, come back, fool, lover, turn again, and kiss your belly full;  
For here she is will stand you, do your worst:  
Will you let me go?  Gart. 
Yes, if you'll stay.  joice. 
If I stir a foot, hang me, you shall come together of yourselves, and be nought, do what you will, for if 'e'er I trouble myself again, let me want help In such a case when I need.  Gart. 
Nay but pray thee sister be not angry.  joice. 
I will be angry, udsfoot, I cannot endure such foolery, ay, two bashful fools that would couple together, and yet ha' not the faces.  Gart. 
Nay pray thee sweet sister.  joice. 
Come, come, let me go, birds that want the use of reason and speech, can couple together in one day, and yet you that have both, cannot conclude in twenty.  Gart. 
Why what good would it do you to tell him?  joice. 
Do not talk to me, for I am deaf to any thing you say, go weep and cry.  Gart. 
Nay but sister. Exeunt ambo.  Enter Stains, and a Drawer with wine. Sta. 
Drawer, bid them make haste at home,  
Tell them they are coming from church.  Dra. 
I will sir. Exit Drawer.  Sta. 
That I should live to be a serving-man, a fellow which scalds his mouth with another man's porridge, brings up meat for other men's bellies, and carries away the bones for his own, changes his clean trencher for a foul one, and is glad of it, and yet did I never live so merry a life, when I was my master's master, as now I do, being man to my man, and I will stand to't for all my former speeches, a serving-man lives a better life than his Master, and thus I prove it; the saying is, The nearer the bone the sweeter the flesh: then must the serving-man needs eat the sweeter flesh, for he always picks the bones. And again the Proverb says, The deeper the sweeter: There has the serving-man the vantage again, for he drinks still in the bottom of the pot, he fills his belly, and never asks what's to pay? wears broadcloth, and yet dares walk Watlingstreet, without any fear of his Draper: and for his colour, they are according to the season, in the Summer he is appareled (for the most part) like the heavens, in blue, in the winter, like the earth, in freeze.  Enter Bubble, sir Lionell, and Long-field and sprinkle. 

But see, I am prevented in my Encomium,  
I could have maintained this theme these two hours.   lion. 
Well, God rest his soul, he's gone, and we must all follow him  Bub. 
ay, ay, he's gone sir Lionell, he's gone.  Lyonell. 
Why tho he be gone, what then? 'tis not you that can fetch him again, with all your cunning, it must be your comfort, that he died well.  Bub. 
Truly and so it is, I would to God I had e'en another uncle that would die no worse; surely I shall weep again, if I should find my handkercher.  Long. 
How now! what, are these onions?  Bub. 
ay, ay, sir Lyonell, they are my onions, I thought to have had them roasted this morning for my cold: Gervase you have not wept today, pray take your onions Gentlemen, the remembrance of death is sharp, therefore there is a banquet within to sweeten your conceits: I pray walk in Gentlemen, walk you in, you know I must needs be melancholy, and keep my Chamber, Gervase, usher them into the banquet.  Sta. 
I shall sir, please you sir Lyonell.  Gentlemen and Gervase go out. Lyonell 
Well Master Bubble, we'll go in and taste of your bounty.  
In the mean time, you must be of good cheer.  Bub. 
If grief take not away my stomach,  
I will have good cheer I warrant you Sprinkle.  Sprin. 
Sir.  Bub. 
Had the women puddings to their dole?  Sprin. 
Yes sir.  Bub. 
And how did they take them?  Sprin. 
Why with their hands, how should they take 'em?  Bub. 
O thou Hercules of ignorance! I mean, how were they satisfied?  Sprin. 
By my troth sir, but so so, and yet some of them had two.  Bub. 
O insatiable women! whom two puddings would not satisfy, but vanish sprinkle; bid your fellow Gervase come hither: Exit Sprinkle.  

And off my mourning robes, grief to the grave,  
For I have gold, and therefore will be brave:  
In silks I'll rattle it of every colour,  
And when I go by water, scorn a Sculler,  
In black carnation velvet I will cloak me, Enter stains.  
And when men bid God save me, Cry Tu quoque:  
It is needful a Gentleman should speak Latin sometimes, is it not Gervase?   Sta. 
O very graceful sir, your most accomplished Gentlemen are known by it.  Bub. 
Why then will I make use of that little I have,  
Upon times and occasions, here Gervase, take this bag,  
And run presently to the Mercers, buy me seven ell, of horse flesh coloured taffeta, nine yards of yellow satin, and eight yards of orange tawny velvet; then run to the Tailors, the Haberdashers, the Sempsters, the Cutlers, the Perfumers, and to all trades whatsoe'er that belong to the making up of a Gentleman; and amongst the rest, let not the Barber be forgotten: and look that he be an excellent fellow, and one that can snack his fingers with dexterity.  Sta. 
I shall fit you sir.  Bub. 
Do so good Gervase, it is time my beard were corrected, for it is grown so saucy, as it begins to play with my nose.  stains. 
Your nose sir must endure it: for it is in part the fashion.  Bub. 
Is it in fashion? why then my nose shall endure it, let it tickle his worst.  Sta. 
Why now you're i'th' right sir, if you will be a true Gallant, you must bear things resolute, as this sir, if you be at an Ordinary, and chance to lose your money at play, you must not fret and fume, tear cards, and fling away dice, as your ignorant gamester, or country-Gentleman does, but you must put on a calm temperate action, with a kind of careless smile, in contempt of Fortune, as not being able with all her engines to batter down one piece of your estate, that your means may be thought invincible, never tell your money, nor what you have won, nor what you have lost: if a question be made: your answer must be, what I have lost, I have lost, what I have won, I have won, a close heart and free hand, makes a man admired, a testern or a shilling to a servant that brings you a glass of beer, binds his hands to his lips, you shall have more service of him, than his Master, he will be more humble to you, than a Cheater before a Magistrate.  Bub. 
Gervase, give me thy hand, I think thou hast more wit than I that am thy Master, and for this Speech only, I do here create thee my steward: I do long methinks to be at an Ordinary, to smile at Fortune, and to be bountiful: Gervase about your business good Gervase, whilst I go and meditate upon a Gentlemanlike behaviour, I have an excellent gate already Gervase, have I not?  Sta. 
Hercules himself sir, had never a better gate.  Bub. 
But dispatch Gervase, the satin and the velvet must be thought upon, and the Tu quoque must not be forgotten: for whensoever I give Arms, that shall be my Motto. Exit Bub.  Sta. 
What a fortune had I thrown upon me, when I preferred myself into this fellows service! indeed I serve myself, and not him, for this Gold here is mine own truly purchased: he has credit, and shall run i'th' books for't, I'll carry things so cunningly, that he shall not be able to look into my actions, my mortgage I have already got into my hands: the rent he shall enjoy a while, till his riot constrain him to sell it, which I will purchase with his own money, I must cheat a little, I have been cheated upon, therefore I hope the world will a little the better excuse me, what his uncle craftily got from me, I will knavishly recover of him, to come by it, I must vary shapes, and my first shift shall be in satin:  
Proteus propitious be to my disguise,  
And I shall prosper in my enterprise. Exit.  Enter Spendall, Pursenet, and a boy with Rackets. Spend. 
A Rubber sirrah.  Boy. 
You shall sir.  Spend. 
And bid those two men you said would speak with me, come in.  Boy. 
I will sir. Exit Boy.  Spend. 
Did I not play this Set will?  Enter Blank and another. Purs. 
Excellent well by Phaeton, by Erebus, it went as if it had cut the Line.  Bla. 
God bless you sir.  Spend. 
Master Blank! welcome.  Bla. 
Here's the Gentleman's man sir has brought the money.  Ser. 
willt please you tell sir?  Spend. 
Have you the Bond ready master Blank?  Bla. 
Yes sir.  Spend. 
'tis well, Pursenet, help to tell— 10.11.22. What time have you given?  Bla. 
The thirteenth of the next Month.  Spend. 
'tis well, here's light gold.  Ser. 
'twill be the less troublesome to carry.  Spend. 
You say well sir, how much hast thou told?  Purs. 
In gold and silver here is twenty pounds.  Bla. 
'tis right M. Spendall, I'll warrant you.  Spend. 
I'll take your warrant sir, and tell no further, come let me see the Condition of this Obligation.  Purs. 
A man may win from him that cares not for't,  
This royal Caesar doth regard no Cash,  
Has thrown away as much in Ducks and Drakes,  
As would have bought some 50000 Capons.  Spend. 
'tis very well; so, lend me your pen.  Purs. 
This is the Captain of brave Citizens,  
The Agamemnon of all merry Greeks,  
A Stukely or a Shirley for his spirit,  
Bounty and Royalty to men at arms.  Bla. 
You give this as your deed.  Spend. 
Mary do I sir.  Bla. 
Pleaseth this Gentleman to be a witness.  Spend. 
Yes Marry shall he, Pursenet, your hand.  Purs. 
My hand is at thy service, Noble Brutus.  Spend. 
There's for your kindness master Blank.  Bla. 
I thank you sir.  Spend. 
For your pains.  Ser. 
I'll take my leave of you.  Spend. 
What, must you be gone too, master Blank?  Bla. 
Yes indeed sir, I must to the Exchange.  Spend. 
Farewell to both, Pursenet,  
Take that twenty pounds, and give it mistress Sweatman:  
Bid her pay her Landlord and Apothecary,  
And let her Butcher and her Baker stay,  
They're honest men, and I'll take order with them.  Purs. 
The Butcher and the Baker then shall stay.  Spend. 
They must till I am somewhat stronger pursed.  Purs. 
If this be all, I have my errand perfect. Exit Purs.  Spend. 
Here sirrah, here's for balls, there's for yourself.  Boy 
I thank your worship.  Spend. 
Commend me to your mistress. Exit Spend.  Boy 
I will sir; in good faith 'tis the liberal'st Gentleman that comes into our Court, why he cares no more for a shilling than I do for a box o'th' ear, God bless him. Exit.  Enter Stains Gallant, Long-field and a Servant. Sta. 
Sirrah, what o'clock is't?  Ser. 
Past ten sir.  Sta. 
Here will not be a Gallant seen this hour.  Ser. 
Within this quarter sir, and less, they meet here as soon as at any Ordinary i'th' town.  Sta. 
Hast any Tobacco?  Ser. 
Yes sir.  Sta. 
Fill.  Long. 
Why thou reportest miracles, things not to be believed: I protest to thee, hadst thou not unripped thyself to me, I should never have known thee.  Sta. 
I tell you true sir, I was so far gone, that desperation knocked at mine elbow, and whispered news to me out of barbary.  Lon. 
Well, I'm glad so good an occasion stayed thee at home,  
And may'st thou prosper in thy project, and go on,  
With best success of thy invention.  Sta. 
False dice say Amen, for that's my induction,  
I do mean to cheat today without respect of persons:  
When sawest thou Will Rash?  Long. 
This morning at his Chamber, hell be here.  Sta. 
Why then do thou give him my name and character, for my aim is wholly at my worshipful Master.  Lon. 
Nay thou shalt take another into him, one that laughs out his life in this Ordinary, thanks any man that wins his money; all the while his money is losing, he swears by the cross of this silver, and when it is gone, he changeth it to the hilts of his sword.  Enter Scattergood and Ninnie-hammer. Sta. 
he'll be an excellent coach-horse for my captain.  Scat. 
Save you Gallants, save you.  Lon. 
How think ye now? have I not carved him out to you?  Sta. 
thoust lighted me into his heart, I see him thoroughly.  Scat. 
Ninnihammer.  Nin. 
Sir.  Scat. 
Take my cloak and rapier also: I think it be early Gentlemen, what time do you take it to be?  Sta. 
Inclining to eleven sir.  Scat. 
Inclining! a good word; I would it were inclining to twelve, for by my stomach it should be high Noon: but what shall we do Gallants? shall we to cards, till our Company come?  Long. 
Please you sir.  Scat. 
Harry. fetch sir Cards, methinks 'tis an unseemly fight to see Gentlemen stand idle, please you to impart your smoke.  Long. 
Very willingly sir.  Scat. 
In good faith a pipe of excellent vapour.  Long. 
The best the house yields.  Scat. 
Had you it in the house? I had thought it had been your own: 'tis not so good now as I took it to be: Come Gentlemen, what's your game?  Sta. 
Why Gleek, that's your only game.  Scat. 
Gleek let it be, for I am persuaded I shall gleek some of you; cut sir.  Long. 
What play we, twelve pence gleek.  Scat. 
twelve pence, a crown; uds foot I will not spoil my memory for twelve pence.  Long. 
With all my heart.  Sta. 
Honour.  Scat. 
What be't, Hearts?  Sta. 
The King, what say you?  Long. 
You must speak sir.  Scat. 
Why I bid thirteen.  Sta. 
fourteen.  Scat. 
fifteen.  Sta. 
sixteen.  Long. 
sixteen, seventeen.  Sta. 
You shall ha''t for me.  Scat. 
eighteen.  Long. 
Take it to you sir.  Scat. 
Udslid I'll not be outbraved.  Sta. 
I vie it.  Long. 
I'll none of it.  Scat. 
Nor I.  Sta. 
Give me a mournival of aces, and a gleek of queens.  Long. 
And me a gleek of knaves.  Scat. 
Udslid, I am gleeked this time. Enter Will Rash.  Stay. 
Play.  Rash. 
Equal fortunes befall you Gallants.  Scat. 
Will Rash, well, I pray see what a vile game I have  Rash. 
What's your game, Gleek?  Scat. 
Yes faith, Gleek, and I have not one Court card, but the knave of Clubs.  Rash. 
Thou hast a wild hand indeed: thy small cards show like a troop of rebels, and the knave of Clubs their chief Leader.  Scat. 
And so they do as God save me, by the cross of this silver he says true. Enter Spendall.  Sta. 
Pray, play sir:  Long. 
Honour.  Rash. 
How go the stocks Gentlemen, what's won or lost?  Sta. 
This is the first game.  Scat. 
Yes this is the first game, but by the cross of this silver here's all of five pounds.  Spend, 
Good day to you Gentlemen.  Rash. 
Francke, welcome by this hand, how dost lad?  Spend. 
And how does thy wench i'faith.  Rash. 
Why fat and plump  
Like thy geldings: thou giv'st them both good provender  
It seems, go to, thou art one of the maddest wags,  
Of a Citizen i'th' town, the whole company talks of thee already.  Spend. 
Talk, why let 'em talk, udsfoot I pay scot and lot, and all manner of duties else, as well as the best of 'em: it may be they understand I keep a whore, a horse, and a kennel of hounds, what's that to them? no man's purse opens for't but mine own; and so long, my hounds shall eat flesh, my horse bread, and my whore wear velvet.  Rash. 
Why there spoke a courageous Boy.  Spend. 
Uds'foot, shall I be confined all the days of my life to walk under a penthouse? no, I'll take my pleasure whiles my youth affords it.  Scat. 
By the cross of these hilts, I'll never play at Gleek again, whilst I have a nose on my face,  
I smell the knavery of the game.  Spend. 
Why what's the matter? who has lost?  Scat. 
marry that have I, by the hilts of my sword, I have lost forty crowns, in as small time almost, as while a man might tell it.  Spend. 
Change your Game for dice,  
We are a full number for novum.  Scatt. 
With all my heart, where's M. Ambush the broker Ninnihammer?  Nin. 
Sir.  Scat. 
Go to M. Ambush, and bid him send me twenty marks upon this Diamond. Enter Bubble.  Nin. 
I will sir.  Long. 
Look you (to make us the merrier) who comes here.  Rash. 
A fresh Gamester, M. Bubble, God save you.  Bub. 
Tu quoque sir.  Spend. 
God save you Master Bubble.  Bub. 
Tu quoque.  Sta. 
Save you sir.  Bub. 
Et tu quoque.  Long. 
Good master Bubleb  Bub. 
Et tu quoque.  Scatt. 
Is your name Master Bubble?  Bub. 
Master Bubble is my name, sir.  Scat. 
God save you sir.  Bub. 
Et tu quoque.  Scat. 
I would be better acquainted with you.  Bub. 
And I with you.  Scat. 
Pray let us salute again.  Bub. 
With all my heart sir.  Lon. 
Behold yonder the oak and the ivy how they embrace.  Rash. 
Excellent acquaintance, they shall be the Gemini.  Bub. 
Shall I desire your name sir?  Scat. 
Master Scattergood.  Bub. 
Of the Scattergood's of London?  Scat. 
No indeed sir, of the Scattergood's of Hampshire.  Bub. 
Good Master Scattergood.  Sta. 
Come Gentlemen, here's dice.  Scat. 
Please you advance to the Table?  Bub. 
No indeed sir.  Scatt. 
Pray will you go?  Bub. 
I will go sir over the whole world for your sake, But in courtesy I will not budge a foot. Enter Ninnihammer.  Nin. 
Here is the Cash you sent me for, and master Rash,  
Here is a Letter from one of your sisters.  Spend. 
I have the dice, set Gentlemen.  Long. 
From which sister?  Rash. 
From the madcap, I know by the hand.  Spend. 
For me, six.  Omnes. 
And six that.  Sta. 
Nine; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8: eighteen shillings.  Spend. 
What's yours sir?  Scat. 
Mine's a baker's dozen: master Bubble tell your money.  Bub. 
In good faith I am but a simple Gamester, and do not know what to do.  Scat. 
Why you must tell your money, and he'll pay you.  Bub. 
My money! I do know how much my money is, but he shall not pay me, I have a better conscience than so: what for throwing the dice twice, i'faith he should have but a hard bargain of it.  Rash. 
Witty rascal, I must needs away.  Long. 
Why what's the matter?  Rash. 
Why the lovers can not agree, thou shalt along with me, and know all.  Long. 
But first let me instruct thee in the condition of this Gentleman, whom dost thou take him to be?  Rash. 
Nay, he's a stranger, I know him not.  Long. 
By this light but you do, if his beard were off, 'tis stains.  Rash. 
The devil it is as soon: and what's his purpose in this disguise?  Long. 
Why cheating, do you not see how he plays upon his worshipful Master, and the rest.  Rash. 
By my faith he draws apace.  Spend. 
A pox upon these dice, give's a fresh bale.  Bubb. 
Ha ha, the dice are not to be blamed, a man may perceive this is no Gentlemanly gamester, by his chasing: do you hear, my friend, fill me a glass of beer, and there's a shilling for your pains.  Dra. 
Your worship shall sir.  Rash. 
Why how now Frank, what hast lost?  Spend. 
fifteen pounds and upwards: is there never an honest fellow.  Amb. 
What do you lack money sir?  Spend. 
Yes, canst furnish me?  Amb. 
Upon a sufficient pawn sir.  Spend. 
You know my shop, bid my man deliver you a piece of three pile velvet, and let me have as much money as you dare adventure upon't.  Amb. 
You shall sir.  Spend. 
A pox of this luck, it will not last ever:  
Play sir, I'll set you.  Rash. 
Frank, better fortune befall thee: and Gentlemen, I must take my leave, for I must leave you.  Scat. 
Must you needs be gone?  Rash. 
Indeed I must.  Bub. 
Et tu quoque?  Long. 
Yes truly.  Scat. 
At your discretion's Gentlemen.  Rash. 
Farewell. Exeunt Rash & Long.  Sta. 
Cry you mercy sir, I am chanced with you all Gentlemen: here I have 7, here 7, and here 10.  Spend. 
'tis right sir, and ten that.  Bub. 
And nine that.  Sta. 
Two fives at all. Draws all.  Bub. 
One and five that.  Spend. 
Umh, and can a suit of Satin cheat so grossly? By this light there's nought on one die but fives and sixes, I must not be thus gulled.  Bub. 
Come Master Spendall, set.  Spend. 
No sir, I have done.  Scatt. 
Why then let us all leave, for I think dinner's near ready.  Dra. 
Your meat's upon the Table.  Scat. 
On the Table! come Gentlemen, we do our stomachs wrong: M. Bubble, what have you lost?  Bub. 
That's no matter, what I have lost, I have lost; nor can I choose but smile at the foolishness of the dice.  Sta. 
I am but your steward Gentlemen, for after dinner I may restore it again.  Bub. 
M. Scattergood, will you walk in?  Scat. 
I'll wait upon you sir, come Gentlemen, will you follow? Exit: manent Spendall & stains.  Sta. 
Yes sir, I'll follow you.  Spen. 
Hear you sir, a word.  Sta. 
Ten if you please.  Spend. 
I have lost fifteen pounds.  Sta 
And I have found it.  Spend. 
You say right, found it you have indeed,  
But never won it: do you know this die?  Sta. 
Not I sir.  Spend. 
You seem a Gentleman, and you may perceive.  
I have some respect unto your credit,  
To take you thus aside, will you restore  
What you ha' drawn from me unlawfully?  Sta. 
Sirrah, by your outside you seem a citizen,  
Whose Coxcomb, I were apt enough to break,  
But for the Law; go you're a prating Jack,  
Nor 'be't your hopes, of crying out for clubs,  
Can save you from my chastisement, if once  
You shall but dare to utter this again.  Spend. 
You lie, you dare pot.  Sta. 
Lie! nay villain, now thou tempest me to thy death.  Spend. 
So 't, you must buy it dearer,  
The best blood flows within you is the price.  Sta. 
darest thou resist, thou art no Citizen.  Spend. 
I am a Citizen.  Sta. 
Say thou art a Gentleman, and I am satisfied,  
For then I know thou'lt answer me in field.  Spend. 
I'll say directly what I am, a Citizen,  
And I will meet thee in the field as fairly  
As the best Gentleman that wears a sword.  Sta. 
I accept it, the meeting place.  Spend. 
Beyond the Maze in Tuttle.  Sta. 
What weapon?  Spend. 
Single rapier.  Sta. 
The time.  Spend. 
Tomorrow.  Sta. 
The hour.  Spend. 
Twixt nine and ten.  Sta. 
'tis good, I shall expect you, farewell. Ex. omnes.  Spend. 
Farewell sir.  Enter Will Rash, Long-field, and joice. Rash. 
Why I commend thee Girl, thou speak'st as thou thinkst, thy tongue and thy heart are Relatives, and thou wert not my sister, I should at this time fall in love with thee.  joice. 
You should not need, for and you were not my brother, I should fall in love with you, for I love a proper man with my heart, and so does all the Sex of us, let my sister dissemble never so much, I am out of charity with these nice and squeamish tricks, we were borne for men, and men for us, and we must together.  Rash. 
This same plain dealing is a jewel in thee.  joice. 
And let me enjoy that jewel, for I love plain dealing with my heart.  Rash. 
thou'rt a good wench i'faith, I should never be ashamed to call thee sister, though thou shouldst marry a Broomeman: but your lover methinks is over tedious.  Enter Geraldine. joice. 
No, look ye sir, could you wish a man to come better upon his q, let us withdraw.  Rash. 
Close, close, for the prosecution of the plot, wench,  
See he prepares.  joice. 
Silence.  Gerald. 
The Sun is yet wrapped in Aurora's arms,  
And lulled with her delight, forgets his creatures:  
Awake thou god of heat,  
I call thee up, and task thee for thy slowness;  
Point all thy beams through yonder flaring glass,  
And raise a beauty brighter than thy self; Music.  
Musicians, give to each Instrument a tongue,  
To breath sweet music in the ears of her  
To whom I send it as a messenger. Enter Gartred aloft.  Gart. 
Sir, your music is so good, that I must say I like it; but the Bringer so ill welcome, that I could be content to lose it: if you played for money, there 'tis; if for love, here's none; if for goodwill, I thank you, and when you will you may be gone,  Ger. 
Leave me not entranced: sing not my death,  
Thy voice is able to make Satires tame,  
And call rough winds to her obedience.  Gart. 
Sir, sir, our ears itch not for flattery, here you besiege my window, that I dare not put forth myself to take the gentle Air, but you are in the fields, and volley out your woes, your plaints, your loves, your injuries.  Ger. 
Since you have heard, and know them, give redress, True beauty never yet was merciless.  Gart. 
Sir, rest thus satisfied, my mind was never woman, never altered, nor shall it now begin: So fare you well. Exis Gart.  Rash. 
'sfoot, she plays the terrible tyrannising Tamberlaine over him, this it is to turn Turk, from a most absolute complete Gentleman, to a most absurd ridiculous and fond lover.  Long. 
Oh, when a woman knows the power and authority of her eye.  joice. 
Fie upon her, she's good for nothing then, no more than a jade that knows his own strength: The window is clasped, now brother, pursue your project, and deliver your friend from the tyranny of my domineering sister.  Rash. 
Do you hear, you drunkard in love, come in to us and be ruled, you would little think, that the wench that talked so scurvily out of the window there, is more enamoured on thee than thou on her: nay, look you now, see if he turn not away slighting our good council: I am no Christian if she do not sigh, whine, and grow sick for thee: look you sir, I will bring you in good witness against her.  joice. 
Sir, you're my brothers friend, and I'll be plain with you, you do not take the course to win my sister, but indirectly go about the bush: you come and fiddle here, and keep a coil in verse: hold off your hat, and beg to kiss her hand, which makes her proud. But to be short, in two lines thus it is:  
Who most doth love, must seem most to neglect it,  
For those that show most love, are least respected.  Long. 
A good observation by my faith.  Rash. 
Well this instruction comes too late now,  
Stand you close, and let me prosecute my invention,  
Sister, O sister, wake, arise sister.  Enter Gartred above. Gart. 
How now brother, why call you with such terror?  Rash. 
How can you sleep so sound, and hear such groans,  
So horrid and so tedious to the ear,  
That I was frighted hither by the sound?  
O sister, here lies a Gentleman that loved you too dearly,  
And himself too ill, as by his death appears,  
I can report no further without tears;  
Assist me now.  Long. 
When he came first, death startled in his eyes,  
His hand had not forsook the dagger hilt,  
But still he gave it strength, as if he feared  
He had not sent it home unto his heart.  Gart. 
Enough, enough,  
If you will have me live, give him no name,  
Suspicion tells me 'tis my Geraldine:  
But be it whom it will, I'll come to him,  
To suffer death as resolute as he. Exit Gart.  Rash. 
Did not I tell you 'twould take, down sir down.  Ger. 
I guess what you'd have me do.  Long. 
O for a little blood to besprinkle him.  Rash. 
No matter for blood, I'll not suffer her to come near him, till the plot have ta'en his full height.  Ger. 
A scarf o'er my face, left I betray myself.  Enter Gartred below. Rash. 
Here, here, lie still, she comes,  
Now mercury, be propitious.  Gart. 
Where lies this spectacle of blood?  
This tragic Scene.  Rash. 
Yonder lies Geraldine.  Gart. 
O let me see him with his face of death!  
Why do you stay me from my Geraldine?  Rash. 
Because, unworthy as thou art, thou shalt not see  
The man now dead, whom living thou didst scorn,  
The worst part that he had, deserved thy best,  
But yet contemned, deluded, mocked, despised by you,  
Unfit for aught but for the general mark  
Which you were made for, man's creation.  Gart. 
Burst not my heart before I see my Love,  
Brother, upon my knees I beg your leave,  
That I may see the wound of Geraldine,  
I will embalm his body with my tears,  
And carry him unto his sepulchre,  
From whence I'll never rise, but be interred  
In the same dust he shall be buried in.  Long. 
I do protest she draws sad tears from me,  
I pray thee let her see her Geraldine.  Gart. 
Brother, if e'er you loved me as a sister,  
Deprive me not the sight of Geraldine.  Rash. 
Well, I am contented you shall touch his lips,  
But neither see his face nor yet his wound,  Gart. 
Not see his face?  Rash. 
Nay, I have sworn it to the contrary:  
Nay, hark you further yet.  Gart. 
What now?  Rash. 
But one kiss, no more.  Gart. 
Why then no more.  Rash. 
Marry this liberty I'll give you,  
If you intend to make my speech of repentance  
Over him, I am content, so it be short.  Gart. 
What you command is Law, and I obey.  joice. 
Peace, give ear to the passion.  Gart. 
Before I touch thy body, I implore  
Thy discontented ghost to be appeased:  
Send not unto me till I come myself:  
Then shalt thou know how much I honoured thee.  
O see the colour of his coral lip!  
Which in despite of death lives full and fresh,  
As when he was the beauty of his Sex:  
'twere sin worthy the worst of plagues to leave thee:  
Not all the strength and policy of man  
Shall snatch me from thy bosom.  Long. 
Look, look, I think she'll ravish him.  Rash. 
Why how now sister?  Gart. 
Shall we have both one grave? here I am chained,  
Thunder nor Earthquakes shall shake me off.  Rash. 
No? I'll try that, come dead man, awake, up with your bag and baggage, and let's have no more fooling.  Gart. 
And lives my Geraldine?  Rash. 
Live? faith I,  
Why should he not? he was never dead,  
That I know on.  Ger. 
It is no wonder Geraldine should live,  
Though he had emptied all his vital spirits,  
The Lute of Orpheus spoke not half so sweet,  
When he descended to th'infernal vaults,  
To fetch again his fair Eurydice,  
As did thy sweet voice to Geraldine.  Gart. 
I'll exercise that voice, since it doth please  
My better self, my constant Geraldine.  joice. 
Why so la, here's an end of an old Song,  
Why could not this have been done before  
I pray?  Gart. 
O you're a goodly sister, this is your plot:  
Well, I shall live one day to requite you.  joice. 
Spare me not, for wheresoever I set my affection, although it be upon a collier, if I fall back, unless it be in the right kind, bind me to a stake, and let me be burned to death with charcoal.  Rash. 
Well, thou art a mad wench, and there's no more to be done at this time, but as we brought you together, so to part you, you must not lie at rack and manger: there be those within, that will forbid the banes, Time must shake good Fortune by the hand, before you two must be great, specially you sister; come leave swearing.  Gart. 
Must we then part?  Rash. 
Must you part? why how think you? udsfoote, I do think we shall have as much to do to get her from him, as we had to bring her to him: this love of women is of a strange quality, and has more tricks than a juggler.  Gart. 
But this, and then farewell.  Ger. 
Thy company is heaven, thy absence hell.  Rash. 
Lord who'd think it?  joice. 
Come wench. Exeunt omnes.  Enter Spendall, and Stains. Spend. 
This ground is firm and even, I'll go no further.  Sta. 
This be the place then, and prepare you sir,  
You shall have fair play for your life of me,  
For look sir, I'll be open breasted to you.  Spend. 
Shame light on him that thinks his safety lieth in a  
French doublet.  
Nay I would strip myself, would comeliness  
Give sufferance to the deed, and fight with thee,  
As naked as a Mauritanian moor.  Sta. 
Give me thy hand, by my heart I love thee,  
Thou art the highest spirited Citizen,  
That ever Guildhall took notice of.  Spend. 
Talk not what I am, until you have tried me.  Sta. 
Come on sir. They fight.  Spend. 
Now sir, your life is mine.  Sta. 
Why then take it, for I'll not beg it of thee.  Spend. 
Nobly resolved, I love thee for those words,  
Here take thy arms again, and if thy malice  
Have spent itself like mine, then let us part  
More friendly than we met at first encounter.  Sta. 
Sir, I accept this gift of you, but not your friendship,  
Until I shall recover't with my honour.  Spend. 
Will you fight again then?  Sta. 
Yes.  Spend. 
Faith thou dost well then, justly to whip my folly.  
But come sir.  Sta. 
Hold, you're hurt I take it.  Spend. 
Hurt! where? 'zounds I feel it not.  Sta. 
You bleed I am sure.  Spend. 
'sblood, I think you wear a cats claw upon your  
rapier's point,  
I am scratched indeed, but small as 'tis,  
I must have blood for blood.  Sta. 
You're bent to kill I see.  Spend. 
No by my hopes, if I can scape that sin,  
And keep my good name, I'll never offer't.  Sta. 
Well sir, your worst.  Spend. 
We both bleed now I take it,  
And if the motion may be equal thought,  
To part with clasped hands: I shall first subscribe.  Sta. 
It were unmanliness in me to refuse  
The safety of us both, my hand shall never fall  
From such a charitable motion.  Spend. 
Then join we both, and here our malice ends,  
Though foes we came toth' field, we'll depart friends. Exeunt.  Enter sir Lyonell and a Servant. lion. 
Come, come, follow me knave, follow me, I have the best nose i'th' house, I think, either we shall have rainy weather, or the vaults unstopped: sirrah, go see, I would not have my guess smell out any such inconvenience: Do you hear sirrah Simon?  Ser. 
Sir.  lion. 
Bid the Kitchenmaid scour the sink, and make clean her backside, for the wind lies just upon't.  Ser. 
I will sir.  lion. 
And bid anthony put on his white fustian doublet, for he must wait today: It doth me so much good to stir and talk, to place this, and displace that, that I shall need no Apothecaries prescriptions, I have sent my daughter this morning as far as Pimliko to fetch a draft of Derby ale, that it may fetch a colour in her cheeks, the puling harlotry looks so pale, and it is all for want of a man, for so their mother would say, God rest her soul, before she died. Exit Servant.  Enter Bubble, Scattergood and stains. Ser. 
Sir, the Gentlemen are come already.  lion. 
How knave, the Gentlemen!  Ser. 
Yes sir, yonder they are.  Lyonell. 
God's precious, we are too tardy, let one be sent presently to meet the girls, and hasten their coming home quickly: how dost thou stand dreaming? Gentlemen, I see you love me, you are careful of your hour; you may be deceived in your cheer, but not in your welcome.  Bub. 
Thanks, and Tu quoque is a word for all.  Scatterg. 
A pretty concise room: sir Lyonell, where are your daughters?  lion. 
They are at your service sir, and forth coming.  Bub. 
God's will Gervase! how shall I behave myself to the Gentlewomen?  Sta. 
Why advance yourself toward them, with a comely step, and in your salute, be careful you strike not too high, nor too low, and afterward for your discourse, your Tu quoque will bear you out.  Bub. 
Nay, and that be all, I care not, for I'll set a good face on't, that's flat: and for my neither parts, let them speak for themselves: here's a leg, and ever a Baker in England show me a better, I'll give him mine for nothing.  Sta. 
O that's a special thing that I must caution you of.  Bub. 
What sweet Gervase?  Sta. 
Why for commending yourself; never whilst you line commend yourself: and than you shall have the Ladies themselves commend you.  Bub. 
I would they would else.  Sta. 
Why they will I'll assure you sir, and the more vilely you speak of yourself, the more will they strive to collaud you.  Enter Gartred and joice. Bub. 
Let me alone to dispraise myself,  
I'll make myself the arrantest Coxcomb within a whole  
Country.  Lyonell. 
Here come the Gipsies, the Sunburned girls,  
Whose beauties will not utter them alone,  
They must have bags although my credit crack for't.  Bub. 
Is this the eldest sir?  Lyonell. 
Yes marry is she sir.  Bub. 
I'll kiss the youngest first, because she likes me best.  Scat. 
Marry sir, and whilst you are there, I'll be here:  
O delicious touch! I think in conscience  
Her lips are lined quite through with Orange Tawny velvet.  Bub. 
They kiss exceeding well, I do not think but they have been brought up to't, I will begin to her like a Gentleman in a set speech: Fair Lady, shall I speak a word with you?  joice. 
With me sir?  Bub. 
With you Lady,— this way,— a little more,—  
So now 'tis well, umh—  
Even as a Drummer,— or a Pewterer.  Ioy. 
Which of the two no matter,  
For one beats on a Drum, other a Platter.  Bub. 
In good faith sweet Lady you say true:  
But pray mark me further, I will begin again.  Ioy. 
I pray Sir do.  Bub. 
even as a Drummer, as I said before,—  
Or as a Pewterer.  Ioy. 
Very good Sir.  Bub. 
do— do— do.  Ioy. 
What do they do?  Bub. 
By my troth Lady, I do not know: for to say truth, I am a kind of an Ass.  Ioy. 
How Sir, an Ass?  Bub. 
Yes indeed Lady.  Ioy. 
Nay that you are not.  Bub. 
So God ha' me, I am Lady: you never saw an arranter Ass in your life.  Ioy. 
Why here's a Gentleman your friend, will not say so.  Bub. 
i' faith but he shall: How say you sir,  
Am not I an Ass?  Scatt. 
Yes by my troth Lady is he: Why I'll say any thing my brother Bubble says.  Gart. 
Is this the man my Father choose for me, to make a Husband of? O God, how blind are parents in our loves: so they have wealth, they care not to what things they marry us.  Bub. 
Pray look upon me Lady.  Ioy. 
So I do sir.  Bub. 
ay but look upon me well, and tell me if you ever saw any man look so scurvily, as I do?  Ioy. 
The fellow sure is frantic.  Bub. 
You do not mark me?  Ioy. 
Yes indeed sir.  Bub. 
ay, but look upon me well:  
Did you ever see a worse timbered Leg?  Ioy. 
By my faith 'tis a pretty four square Leg.  Bub. 
ay but your four square Legs are none of the best.  
Oh! jarvis, jarvis.  Sta. 
Excellent well sir.  Bub. 
What say you now to me Lady, can you find ere a good inch about me?  Ioy. 
Yes that I can sir.  Bub. 
Find it, and take it sweet Lady:  
There I think I bobbed her, jarvis?  Ioy. 
Well sir, disparage not yourself so: for if you were  
The man you'd make yourself; yet out of your  
Behaviour and discourse, I could find cause enough  
To love you.  Bub. 
Augh! now she comes to me: My behaviour? alas, alas, 'tis clownical; and my discourse is very bald, bald: You shall not hear me break a good jest in a twelvemonth.  Ioy. 
No sir? why now you break a good jest.  Bub. 
No, I want the Boon joure, and the Tu quoques,  
Which yonder Gentleman has: there's a bob for him too:  
There's a Gentleman, and you talk of a Gentleman?  Ioy. 
Who he? he's a Coxcomb indeed.  Bub. 
We are sworn Brothers in good faith Lady.  Enter Servant. Scatt. 
Yes in truth we are sworn Brothers, and do mean to go both alike, and to have Horses alike.  Ioy. 
And they shall be sworn Brothers too?  Scatt. 
If it please them, Lady.  Ser. 
M. Balance, the Gold smith desires to speak with you.  Lyo. 
Bid him come, knave.  Scatt. 
I wonder (Sir Lyonell) your son Will Rash is not here?  Lyo. 
Is he of your acquaintance, sir?  Scatt. 
O very familiar; he struck me a box on the ear once, and from thence grew my love to him.  Enter Balance. Lyo. 
It was a sign of virtue in you sir; but he'll be here at dinner. Master Balance, what makes you so strange?  
Come, you're welcome: what's the News?  Balla. 
Why sir, the old News: your man Francis riots still,  
And little hope of thrift there is in him;  
Therefore I come to advise your Worship,  
To take some order whilst there's something left,  
The better part of his best Ware's consumed.  Lyo. 
Speak softly Master Balance.  
But is there no hope of his recovery?  Ball. 
None at all sir; for he's already laid to be arrested by some that I know.  Lyo. 
Well, I do suffer for him, and am loath  
Indeed to do, what I am constrained to do:  
Well sir, I mean to cease on what is left.  
And hark you one word more.  Ioy. 
What heinous sin has yonder man committed,  
To have so great a punishment, as wait  
upon the humours of an idle Fool:  
A very proper Fellow, good Leg, good Face,  
A Body well proportioned: but his mind  
bewrays he never came of Generous kind.  Enter Will Rash and Geraldine. Lyo. 
Go to, no more of this at this time.  
What sir, are you come?  Rash. 
Yes sir, and have made bold to bring a gift along.  Lyo. 
Master Geraldine's son of Essex?  Ger. 
The same sir.  Lyo 
You're welcome sir, when will your Father be in town?  Ger. 
'twill not be long, sir.  Lyo. 
I shall be glad to see him when he comes.  Ger. 
I thank you sir.  Lyo. 
In the mean time you're welcome; pray be not strange,  
I'll leave my Son amongst you Gentlemen,  
I have some business: hark you M. Balance,  
Dinner will soon be ready; one word more. Exit Lyo. & Bal.  Rash. 
And how does my little Asinus and his Tu quoque here? Oh you pretty sweet-faced rogues, that for your countenances might be Alexander and Lodwick: What says the old man to you? will't be a match? shall we call Brothers?  Scatt. 
I faith with all my heart; if Mistress Gartered will, we will be married tomorrow.  Bub. 
'Sfoot, if Mistress joice will, we'll be married tonight.  Rash. 
Why you courageous Boys, and worthy Wenches, made out of Wax. But what shall's do when we have dined, shall's go see a Play?  Scatt. 
Yes faith Brother: if it please you, let's go see a Play at the globe.  Bub. 
I care not; any whither, so the Clown have a part: For i'faith I am nobody without a Fool.  Ger. 
Why then we'll go to the Red Bull; they say Green's a good Clown.  Bub. 
green? Greene's an Ass.  Scatt. 
Wherefore do you say so?  Bub. 
Indeed I ha' no reason: for they say, he is as like me as ever he can look.  Scatt. 
Well then, to the Bull.  Rash. 
A good resolution, continue it: nay on?  Bub. 
Not before the Gentlewomen; not I never.  Rash. 
O while you live, men before women:  
Custom hath placed it so.  Bub. 
Why then Custom is not so mannerly, as I would be.  Rash. 
Farewell M. Scattergood: Come Lover, you're too busy here, I must tutor ye: Cast not your eye at the table on each other, my Father will spy you without Spectacles,  
He is a shrewd observer: do you hear me?  Ger. 
Very well sir.  Rash. 
Come then go we together, let the Wenches alone.  
Do you see yonder fellow?  Ger. 
Yes: prithee what is he?  Rash. 
I'll give you him within, he must not now be thought on: but you shall know him. Exit Rash. & Gerald.  Gart. 
I have observed my sister, and her eye  
Is much inquisitive after yond fellow;  
She has examined him from head to foot:  
I'll stay and see the issue.  Ioy. 
To wrestle 'gainst the stream of our Affection,  
Is to strike Air, or buffet with the Wind,  
That plays upon us: I have strived to cast  
This fellow from my thoughts, but still he grows  
More comely in my sight; yet a slave  
Unto one worse conditioned than a Slave:  
They are all gone, here's none but he, and I,  
Now I will speak to him: and yet I will not.  
Oh! I wrong myself, I will suppress  
That insurrection Love hath trained in me,  
And leave him as he is: once my bold spirits  
Had vowed to utter all my thoughts to him  
On whom I settled my affection:  
And why retires it now?  Sta. 
Fight Love on both sides; for on me thou strik'st  
Strokes that hath beat my heart into a flame:  
She hath sent amorous glances from her eye:  
Which I have back returned as faithfully.  
I would make to her, but these servile Robes,  
curbs that suggestion, till some fitter time  
Shall bring me more persuadingly unto her.  Ioy. 
I wonder why he stays; I fear he notes me,  
For I have publicly betrayed myself,  
By too much gazing on him: I will leave him.  Gart. 
But you shall not; I'll make you speak to him  
Before you go. Do you hear sir?  Ioy. 
What mean you sister?  Gart. 
To fit you in your kind, sister: do you remember  
How you once tyrannized over me?  Ioy. 
Nay prithee leave this jesting,  
I am out of the vain.  Gart. 
ay, but I am in: go speak to your Lover.  Ioy. 
I'll first be buried quick.  Gart. 
How, ashamed? 'sfoot Itro, if I had set my affection on a Collier, I'd near fall back, unless it were in the right kind: if I did, let me be tied to a Stake, and burnt to death with Charcoal.  Ioy. 
Nay then we shall hate.  Gart. 
Yes marry shall you. Sister, will you speak to him:  Ioy. 
No.  Gart. 
Do you hear sir? here's a Gentlewoman would speak with you.  Ioy. 
Why Sister, I pray Sister.  Gart 
One that loves you with all her heart,  
Yet is ashamed to confess it.  Sta. 
Did you call, Ladies?  Ioy. 
No sir, here's no one called.  Gart. 
Yes sir 'twas I, I called to speak with you.  Ioy. 
My Sister's somewhat frantic; there's no regard to be had unto her clamours: Will you yet leave?  

In faith you'll anger me.   Gart. 
Passion: Come back fool lover, turn again and kiss your belly full, here's one will stand ye.  Sta. 
What does this mean troe?  Ioy. 
Yes, is your humour spent?  Gart. 
Come let me go, Birds that want the use of  
Reason and of Speech, can couple together in one day;  
And yet you that have both, cannot conclude in twenty:  
now Sister I am even with you, my venom is spit,  
As much happiness may you enjoy with your lover as I with mine:  
And droop not wench, not never be ashamed of him,  
The man will serve the turn, though he be wrapped  
In a blue Coat, I'll warrant him, come.  Joy. 
You're merely disposed, Sister.  Exit Wenches. Sta. 
I needs must prosper, Fortune & Love work for me.  
Be moderate my joys; for as you grow to your full height,  
So Bubbles waxeth low. Exit.  Enter Spendall, Sweatman, and Tickleman. Tick. 
Will my sweet Spendall be gone then?  Spend. 
I must upon promise; but I'll be here at supper:  
Therefore Mistress Sweatman, provide us some good cheer.  Sweat. 
The best the Market will yield.  Spend. 
here's twenty shillings; I protest I have left myself but a Crown, for my spending money: for indeed I intend to be frugal, and turn good husband.  Tick. 
I marry will you, you'll to play again, & lose your Money and fall to fighting; my very heart trembles to think on it: how if you had been killed in the quarrel, of my faith I had been but a dead woman.  Spen. 
Come, come, no more of this; thou dost but dissemble.  Tick. 
Dissemble? do not you say so; for if you do,  
God's my judge I'll give myself a gash.  Spend. 
Away, away, prithee no more: farewell.  Tick. 
Nay buss first: Well,  
There's no adversity in the world shall part us.  Enter sergeants. Spend. 
Thou art a loving Rascal; farewell.  Sweat. 
You will not fail supper?  Spend. 
You have my word; farewell.  1. Ser. 
Sir, we arrest you.  Spend. 
Arrest me, at whose suit?  2. Ser. 
Marry there's suits enough against you,  
I'll warrant you.  1. Ser. 
Come, away with him.  Spend. 
Stay, hear me a word.  2. Ser. 
What do you say?  Enter Purssuet. Tick. 
How now Purssuet, why com'st in such haste?  Purss. 
Shut up your doors, and bar young Spendall out,  
And let him be cashiered your company,  
He is turned Bankrupt, his wares are seized on,  
And his shop shut up.  Tick. 
How, his wares seized on? thou dost but jest, I hope.  Purss. 
What this tongue doth report, these eyes have seen,  
It is no Aesop's fable that I tell,  
But it is true, as I am faithful Pander.  Sweat. 
Nay I did ever think the prodigal would prove  
A Bankrupt; but hang him, let him rot  
In prison, he comes no more within these doors  
I warrant him.  Tick. 
Come hither, I would he would but offer it,  
we'll fire him out with a pox to him.  Spend. 
Will you do it;  
To carry me to prison, but undoes me?  1. Sar. 
What say you fellow Gripe, shall we take his 40. shillings.  2. Sar. 
Yes faith, we shall have him again within this week.  1. Sar. 
Well Sir, your 40 shillings? and we'll have some compassion on you.  Spend. 
Will you but walk with me unto that house,  
And there you shall receive it.  Sar. 
What, where the women are?  Spend. 
Yes sir.  Sweat. 
Look yonder, if the ungracious rascal be not coming hither,  
Betwixt two Sergeants: he thinks belike,  
That we'll relieve him; let us go in,  
And clap the doors against him.  Purss. 
It is the best course Mistress Tickleman?  Tick 
But I say no, you shall not stir a foot,  
For I will talk with him,  Spend. 
Nan, I am come  
Even in the Minute that thou didst profess  
Kindness unto me, to make trial of it,  
Adversity thou Sees lays hands upon me,  
But Forty-shillings will deliver me,  Tick. 
Why you Impudent Rogue, do you come to me for Money?  
Or do I know you? what acquaintance pray,  
Hath ever passed betwixt yourself and me?  Sar. 
Zounds do you mock us, to bring us to these women that do not know you?  Sweat. 
Yes in good Sooth, (Officers I take't you're)  
he's a mere stranger here: only in charity,  
Sometimes we have relieved him with a meal.  Spend. 
This is not earnest in you? Come, I know  
My guistes and bounty cannot be soon buried:  
Go prithee fetch forty shillings?  Tick. 
Talk not to me (you slave) of forty shillings;  
For by this light that shines, ask it again,  
I'll send my Knife of an errand in your Guts:  
A shameless Rogue to come to me for Money?  Sweat. 
Is he your Prisoner, Gentlemen?  Sar. 
Yes marry is he.  Sweat. 
Pray carry him then to Prison, let him smart for't,  
Perhaps 'twill tame the wildness of his youth,  
And teach him how to lead a better life:  
He had good counsel here, I can assure you,  
And if a would ha' took it.  Purss. 
I told him still myself, what would ensue.  Spend. 
Furies break loose in me: sergeant, let me go, I'll give you all I have, to purchase freedom but for a lightning while, to tear yond Whore. bawd, Pander; and in them, the Devil: for there's his Hell, his habitation; nor has he any other local place. Takes spendal's Cloak.  Sar. 
No sir, we'll take no Bribes.  Spend. 
Honest sergeant, give me leave to unlade  
A heart o'ercharged with grief; as I have a soul,  
I'll not break from you.  
Thou Strumpet, that wert borne to ruin men,  
My fame, and fortune: be subject to my Curse,  
And hear me speak it: Mayst thou in thy youth,  
Feel the sharp Whip; and in thy Beldame age,  
The Cart: when thou art grown to be  
An old Upholster unto Venery,  
(A Bawd I mean, to live by Featherbeds,)  
Mayst-thou be driven to sell all thou hast  
Unto thy Aqua vite Bottle; that's the last  
A Bawd will part withal; and line so poor,  
That being turned forth thy house, mayst die at door.  Ser. 
Come sir, ha' you done?  Spend. 
A little further give me leave, I pray,  
I have a charitable Prayer to end with.  
May the French cannibal eat into thy flesh,  
And pick thy bones so clean, that the report  
Of thy Calamity, may draw resort  
Of all the common Sinners in the town,  
To see thy mangled Carcase: and that then,  
They may upon't, turn honest; Bawd, say Amen. Exit.  Sweat. 
Out upon him wicked villain, how he blasphemes;  Purss. 
He will be damned for turning Heretic.  Tick. 
Hang him Bankrupt rascal, let him talk in Prison,  
The whilst we'll spend his Goods: for I did never  
Hear, that men took example by each other.  Sweat. 
Well, if men did rightly consider't, they should find,  
That Whores and Bawds are profitable members  
In a Commonwealth: for indeed, though we somewhat  
Impair their Bodies, yet we do good to their Souls;  
For I am sure, we still bring them to Repentance.  Purss. 
By Dis, and so we do.  Sweat. 
Come, come, will you Dis before: thou art one of them, that I warrant thee wilt be hanged, before thou wilt repent. Exit.  Enter Rash Stains and Geraldine. Rash. 
Well, this Love is a troublesome thing, jupiter bless me out of his fingers: there's no estate can rest for him: He runs through all Countries, will travel through the I'll of Man in a minute; but never is quiet till he come into Middlesex, and there keeps his Christmas:  
'tis his habitation, his mansion, from whence,  
he'll never out, till he be fired.  Ger. 
Well, do not tyrannize too much, lest one day he make you know his Deity, by sending a shaft out of a sparkling eye, shall strike so deep into your heart, that it shall make you fetch your breath short again.  Rash. 
And make me cry, O eyes no eyes, but two celestial Stars! A pox on't, I'd as lief hear a fellow sing throng the nose. How now Wench?  Enter Gartred. Gart. 
Keep your station; you stand as well for the encounter as may be: she is coming on; but as melancholy, as a Bass-violin Consort.  Rash. 
Which makes thee as Sprightly as the Treble.  
Now dost thou play thy prize: here's the honourable Sciense one against another: Do you hear Lover, the thing is done you wot off; you shall have your Wench alone without any disturbance: now if you can do any good, why so, the Silver Game be yours, we'll stand by and give aim, and hallow if you hit the Clout.  Sta. 
'tis all the assistance I request of you,  
Bring me but opportunately to her presence,  
And I desire no more: and If I cannot win her,  
Let me lose her.  Gart. 
Well sir, let me tell you, perhaps you undertake  
A harder task than yet you do imagine.  Sta. 
A task, what to win a Woman, & have opportunity? I would that were a task i'faith, for any man that wears his wits about him: give me but half an hours  
Conference with the coldest creature of them all,  
And if I bring her not into a fools Paradise,  
I'll pull out my tongue, & hang it at her door for a drawlatch.  
Udsfoot, I'd near stand thrumming of Caps for the matter,  
I'll quickly make trial of her if she love:  
To have her Beauty praised, I'll praise it: if her Wit,  
I'll commend it: if her good parts, I'll exalt them.  
No course shall scape me; for to whatsoever I saw her inclined too, to that would I fit her.  Rash. 
But you must not do thus to her, for she's a subtle flouting rogue, that will laugh you out of countenance, if you solicit her seriously: No, talk me to her wanton, slightly & carelessly, and perhaps so you may prevail as much with her, as wind does with a Sail, carry her whither thou wilt, Bully.  Enter joice. Sta. 
Well sir, I'll follow your instruction.  Rash. 
Do so. And see she appears; fall you two off from us,  
Let us two walk together.  Ioy. 
Why did my inquiring eye take in this fellow,  
And let him down so easy to my heart;  
Where like a Conqueror he ceases on it,  
And beats all other men out of my bosom?  Rash. 
Sister, you're well met,  
here's a Gentleman desires to be acquainted with you.  Ioy. 
See, the Servingman is turned a Gentleman,  
That villainous Wench my Sister, has no mercy,  
She and my Brother has conspired together to play upon me;  
But I'll prevent their sport: for rather than my tongue shall have scope to speak matter to give them mirth, my heart shall break.  Rash. 
You have your desire sir, I'll leave you;  
Grapple with her as you can.  Sat. 
Lady, God save you. She turns back upon the motion,  
there's no good to be done by braying for her, I see that;  
I must plunge into a passion: now for a piece of Hero and Leander: 'twere excellent; and praise be to my memory,  
It has reached half a dozen lines for the purpose:  
Well, she shall have them.  
One is no Number; Maids are nothing then  
Without the sweet society of Men.  
Wilt thou live single still? one shalt thou be,  
Though never singling Hymen couple thee.  
Wild Savages that drink of running Springs,  
Thinks Water far excels all other thing.  
They that daily taste neat Wine, despise it.  
Virginity albeit some highly prize it,  
Compared with Marriage; had you tried them both,  
Differs as much, as Wine and Water doth. No?  
Why then have at you in another kind.  
By the faith of a Soldier (Lady) I do reverence the ground that you walk upon: I will fight with him that darts, say you are not fair: Stab him that will not pledge your health; and with a Dagger pierce a Vain, to drink a full health to you; but it shall be on this condition, that you shall speak first.  

Udsfoot, if I could but get her to talk once, half my labour were over: but I'll try her in another vain.  
What an excellent creature is a Woman without a tongue?   
But what a more excellent creature is a Woman that has a tongue, and can hold her peace? But how much more excellent and fortunate a creature is that man, that has that Woman to his wife? This cannot choose but mad her;  
And if any thing make a Woman talk, 'tis this. It will not do  
tho yet I pray God they have not gulled me:  
But I'll try once again.  
When will that tongue take liberty to talk?  
Speak but one word, and I am satisfied:  
Or do but say but Mum, and I am answered?  
No sound? no accent? Is there no noise in Woman?  
Nay then without direction I ha' done.  
I must go call for help.  Rash. 
How, not speak?  Sta. 
Not a syllable, night nor sleep, is not more silent:  
she's as dumb as Westminster Hall, in the long vacation.  Rash. 
Well, and what would you have me do?  Sta. 
Why, make her speak.  Rash. 
And what then?  Sta. 
Why, let me alone with her.  Rash. 
ay, so you said before, Give you but opportunity,  
And let you alone, you'd desire no more: but come,  
I'll try my cunning for you: See what I can do.  
How do you Sister, I am sorry to hear you are not well,  
This Gent. tells me you have lost your tongue, I pray lels see?  
If you can but make signs whereabout you lost it,  
we'll go & look for't': in good faith Sister, you look very pale,  
In my conscience 'tis for grief: will you have  
Any comfortable Drinks sent for, this is not the way;  
Come walk, seem earnest in discourse, cast not an eye  
Towards her, and you shall see weakness work itself.  Ioy. 
My heart is swollen so big, that it must vent,  
Or it will burst: Are you a Brother?  Rash. 
Look to yourself Sir,  
The Brazen head has spoke, and I must leave you.  Ioy. 
Has shame that power in him, to make him fly:  
And dare you be so impudent to stand  
Just in the face of my incensed anger?  
What are you? why do you stay? who sent for you?  
You were in Garments yesterday, befitting  
A fellow of your fashion; has a Crown  
Purchased that shining Satin of the Brokers?  
Or be't a cast Suit of your goodly Masters.  Sta. 
A Cast suit, Lady?  Ioy. 
You think it does become you: faith it does not,  
A Blue Coat with a Badge, does better with you.  
Go untruss your masters Points, and do not dare  
To stop your Nose whenas his Worship stinks:  
'thas been your breeding.  Sta. 
Uds'life, this is excellent: now she talks.  Ioy. 
Nay, were you a Gentleman: and which is more;  
Well Landed, I should hardly love you:  
For, for your Face, I never saw a worse,  
It looks as if't were drawn with yellow Ochre  
Upon black Buckram: and that Hair  
That's on your Chin, looks not like Beard,  
But as if't had been smeared with shoemakers Wax.  Sta. 
udsfoot, she'll make me out of love with myself.  Ioy. 
How dares your Baseness once aspire unto  
So high a fortune, as to reach at me:  
Because you have heard, that some have run away  
With Butlers, horsekeepers, and their father's Clerks;  
You forsooth, cockered with your own suggestion,  
Take heart upon't, and think me, (that am meat,  
And set up for your Master) fit for you.  Sta. 
I would I could get her now to hold her tongue.  Ioy. 
Or cause, some times as I have passed along,  
And have returned a Curtsy for your Hat;  
You (as the common tricks is) straight suppose,  
'tis Love, (sirreverence, which makes the word more beastly.)  Sta. 
Why, 'tis worse than silence.  Ioy. 
But we are fools, and in our reputations  
We find the smart on't:  
Kindness, is termed Lightness, in our sex:  
And when we give a Favour, or a Kiss,  
we give our Good names too.  Sta. 
Will you be dumb again.  Ioy. 
Men you are called, but you're a viperous brood,  
Whom we in charity take into our bosoms,  
And cherish with our heart: for which, you sting us.  Sta. 
Uds'foot, I'll fetch him that waked your tongue,  
To lay it down again.  Rash. 
Why how now man?  Sta. 
O relieve me, or I shall lose my hearing,  
You have raised a Fury up into her tongue  
A Parliament of women could not make  
Such a Confused noise as that she utters.  Rash. 
Well, what would you have me do?  Sat. 
Why make her hold her tongue.  Rash. 
And what then?  Sta. 
Why then let me alone again.  Rash. 
This is very good I faith, first give thee but opportunity, and let thee alone: then make her but Speak, and let  
Thee alone: now make her hold her tongue, and then  
Let her alone: By my troth I think I were best to let  
Thee alone indeed: but come, follow me,  
The Wild-cat shall not carry it so away,  
Walk, walk, as we did.  Ioy. 
What, have you fetched your Champion? what can he do?  
Not have you, nor himself from out the storm  
Of my incensed rage; I will thunder into your ears,  
The wrongs that you have done an innocent Maid:  
Oh you're a couple of sweet: What shall I call you?  
Men you are not; for if you were,  
You would not offer this unto a Maid.  
Wherein have I deserved it at your hands? Have I not been, always a kind Sister to you; & in signs & tokens showed it? Did I not send Money to you at Cambridge when you were but a Freshman, wrought you Purses and Bands; and since you came toth' Inns a Court, a fair pair of Hangers? Have you not taken Rings from me, which I have been feign to say I have lost, when you had pawned them: and yet was never beholding to you for a pair of Gloves?  Rash. 
A Woman's tongue I see, is like a Bell,  
That once being set a going, goes itself.  Ioy. 
And yet you to join with my sister against me,  
Send one here to play upon me, whilst you laugh and leer,  
And make a pastime on me: is this Brotherly done?  
No it is Barbarous, & a Turk would blush to offer it to a Christian: but I will think on't, and have it written in my heart, when it hath slipped your memories.  Rash. 
When will your tongue be weary?  Ioy. 
Never.  Rash. 
How never? Come talk, and I'll talk with you,  
I'll try the nimble footmanship of your tongue;  
And if you can out-talk me, yours be the victory.  Here they two talk and rail what they lift; then Rash speaks to Stains. All speak. 
Uds'foot, dost thou stand by, and do nothing?  
Come talk, and drown her clamours.  Here they all three talk, and joice gives over weeping, and Exit. Gerald. 
Alas, she's spent i'fath: now the storms over.  Rash. 
Uds'foot, I'll follow her as long as I have any breath.  Gart. 
Nay no more now Brother, you have no compassion,  
You see she cries.  Sta. 
If I do not wonder she could talk so long, I am a villain,  
She eats no Nuts I warrant her: 'sfoot, I am almost out of breath  
With that little I talked: well Gent. Brothers I might say;  
For she and I must clap hands upon't: a match for all this.  
Pray go in; and Sister, salve the matter, colloque with her  
Again, and all shall be well: I have a little business  
That must be thought upon, and 'tis partly for your mirth;  
Therefore let me not (though absent) be forgotten:  
Fare well.  Rash. 
We will be mindful of you sir, fare you well.  Ger. 
How now man, what tired, tired?  Rash. 
Zounds, and you had talked as much as I did, you would be tired I warrant: What, is she gone in? I'll to her again whilst my tongue is warm: and if I thought I should be used to this exercise I wouldst eat every morning an ounce of liquorish. Exit.  Enter Lodge the master of the Prison, and Lock-fast his man. Lodge. 
Have you summed up those Reckonings?  Hold. 
Yes Sir.  Lodg. 
And what is owing me?  Hold. 
thirty-seven pound odd money,  Lodg. 
How much owes the Frenchman?  Hold. 
A fortnight's Commons.  Lodg. 
Has Spendall any money?  Hold. 
Not any sir: and he has sold all his Clothes.  Enter Spendall. Lodg. 
That fellow would waste Millions, if he had them;  
Whilst he has Money, no man spends a penny:  
Ask him money, and if he say he has none,  
Be plain with him, and turn him out o'th' Ward. Exit Lodg.  Hold. 
I will sir. Master Spendall,  
My Master has sent to you for money.  Spend. 
Money, why does he send to me? does he think  
I have the philosopher's Stones, or I can clip or coin?  
How does he think I can come by money?  Hold. 
Faith sir, his occasions are so great, that he must have money, or else he can buy no Victuals.  Spend. 
Then we must starve, belike: udsfoot thou seest  
I have nothing left, that will yield me two shillings.  Hold. 
If you have no money,  
You're best remove into some cheaper Ward.  Spend. 
What Ward should I remove in?  Hold. 
Why to the Twopenny Ward, is likeliest to hold out with your means: or if you will, you may go into the Holl, and there you may feed for nothing.  Spend. 
ay, out of the Almsbasket, where Charity appears  
In likeness of a piece of stinking Fish:  
Such as they beat Bawds with when they are Carted.  Hold. 
Why sir, do not scorn it, as good men as yourself,  
Have been glad to eat Scraps out of the Almsbasket.  Spend. 
And yet slave, thou in pride wilt stop thy nose,  
screw and make faces, talk contemptibly of it, and of the feeders; surely groom.  Enter Fox. Hold. 
Well sir, your malapertness will get you nothing.  
Fox.  Fox. 
here.  Hold. 
A prisoner to the Holl, take charge of him, and use him as scurvily as thou canst you shall be taught your duty sir, I warrant you.  Spend. 
Hence slavish tyrants, instruments of torture,  
There is more kindness yet in Whores, than you,  
For when a man hath spent all, he may go  
And seek his way, they'll kick him out of doors;  
Not keep him in as you do, and enforce him  
To be the subject of their cruelty.  
You have no mercy; but be this your comfort,  
The punishment and tortures which you do  
Inflict on men, the Devils shall on you.  Hold. 
Well sir, you may talk, but you shall see the end,  
And who shall have the worst of it. Exit Lock.  Spend. 
Why villain, I shall have the worst, I know it,  
And am prepared to suffer like a Stoic,  
Or else (to speak more properly) like a Stock;  
For I have no sense left: dost thou think I have?  Fox. 
Zounds, I think he's mad?  Spend. 
Why, thou art i'th' right; for I am mad indeed,  
And have been mad this two year. Dost thou think  
I could have spent so much as I have done  
In wares and credit, had I not been mad?  
Why thou must know, I had a fair estate,  
Which through my riot, I have torn in pieces,  
And scattered amongst Bawds, Buffoons, and Whores,  
That fawned on me, and by their flatteries,  
Rocked all my understanding faculties  
Into a pleasant slumber; where I dreamt  
Of nought but joy and pleasure: never felt  
How I was lulled in sensuality,  
Until at last, Affliction waked me:  
And lighting up the Taper of my soul,  
Led me unto myself; where I might see  
A mind and body rent with Misery.  A Prisoner within. Pris. 
Harry Fox, Harry Eox.  Fox. 
Who calls?  Enter Prisoners. Pris. 
here's the Bread and meatman come.  Fox. 
Well, the Bread and meatman may stay a little.  Pris. 
Yes indeed Harry, the Bread and Meat-man, may stay:  
But you know our stomachs cannot stay.  Enter Gatherscrap with the Basket. Fox. 
Indeed your Stomach is always first up.  Bris. 
And therefore by right, should be fire served: I have a stomach like Aqua fortis, it will eat any thing:  
O Father Gatherscrap, here are excellent bits in the Basket.  Fox. 
Will you hold your Chops further; by and by you'll drivel into the Basket?  Pris. 
Perhaps it may do some good; for there may be a piece of powdered Beef that wants watering.  Fox. 
Here sir, here's your share.  Pris. 
here's a bit indeed: what's this to a Gargantua stomach?  Fox. 
Thou art ever grumbling.  Pris. 
Zounds, it would make a Dog grumble, to want his Victuals: I pray give Spendall none, he came intoth' Holl but yesternight.  Fox. 
What, do you refuse it?  Spend. 
I cannot eat, I thank you.  Pris. 
No, no, give it me; he's not yet seasoned for our company.  Fox. 
Divide it then amongst you. Exit Fox & Prisoners.  Spend. 
To such a one as these are, must I come,  
Hunger will draw me into their fellowship,  
To fight and scramble for unsavoury Scraps,  
That come from unknown hands, perhaps unwashed:  
And would that were the worst; for I have noted,  
That nought goes to the Prisoners, but such food  
As either by the weather has been tainted,  
Or Children, nay sometimes full paunched Dogs,  
Have overlicked, as if men had determined  
That the worst Sustenance, which is God's Creatures,  
however they're abused, are good enough  
For such vild Creatures as abuse themselves.  
O what a Slave was I unto my Pleasures?  
How drowned in Sin, and overwhelmed in Lust?  
That I could write my repentance to the world,  
And force th'impression of it in the hearts  
Of you, and my acquaintance, I might teach them  
By my example, to look home to Thrift,  
And not to range abroad to seek out Ruin:  
Experience shows, his Purse shall soon grow light,  
Whom Dice wastes in the day, Drabs in the night:  
Let all avoid false Strumpets, Dice, and Drink;  
For he that leaps in Mud, shall quickly sink.  Enter Fox and Longfield. Fox. 
Yonder's the man.  Long. 
I thank you.  
How is it with you, sir? What on the ground?  
Look up, there's comfort towards you.  Spend. 
Belike some charitable Friend has sent a Shilling,  
What is your Business?  Long. 
Liberty.  Spend. 
There's virtue in that word; I'll rise up to you.  
Pray let me hear that cheerful word again.  Long. 
The able, and well-minded Widow Raysby,  
Whose hand is still upon the poor man's Box,  
Hath in her Charity remembered you:  
And being by your Master seconded,  
Hath taken order with your Creditors  
For day, and payment; and freely from her Purse,  
By me her Deputy, she hath discharged  
All Duties in the House: Besides, to your necessities,  
This is bequeathed, to furnish you with Clothes.  Spend. 
Speak you this seriously?  Long. 
'tis not my practice to mock Misery.  Spend. 
Be ever praised that Divinity,  
That has to my oppressed state raised Friends:  
still be his blessings powered upon their heads:  
Your hand, I pray,  
That have so faithfully performed their wills:  
If ere my industry, joined with their loves,  
Shall raise me to a competent estate,  
Your name shall ever be to me a friend.  Long. 
In your good wishes, you requite me amply.  Spend. 
All Fees, you say, are paid? there's for your love.  Fox. 
I thank you sir, and glad you are released. Exit.  Enter Bubble gallanted. Bub. 
How Apparel makes a man respected; the very children in the street do adore me: for if a Boy that is throwing at his jack-a-lent chance to hit me on the shins: Why I say nothing but, Tu quoque, smile, and forgive the Child with a beck of my hand, or some such like token: so by that means, I do seldom go without broken shins.  Enter Stains like an Italian. Sta. 
The blessings of your Mistress fall upon you,  
And may the heat and spirit of Hee-lip,  
Endue her with matter above her understanding,  
That she may only live to admire you, or as the Italian says;  
Que que dell fogo Ginni Coxcombie.  Bub. 
I do wonder what language he speaks.  
Do you hear my friend, are not you a conjuror?  Sta. 
I am sir, a perfect traveler, that have trampled over  
The face of this universe. and can speak Greek and  
Latin as promptly, as my own natural Language:  
I have composed a Book, wherein I have set down  
All the Wonders of the world that I have seen,  
And the whole scope of my Journeys, together with the  
Miseries and lousy fortunes I have endured therein.  Bub. 
O Lord Sir, are you the man; give me your hand:  
How do ye: in good faith I think I have heard of you.  Sta. 
No sir, you never heard of me, I set this day footing  
Upon the wharf, I came in with the last peal of Ordinance,  
And dined this day in the Exchange amongst the Merchants.  
But this is frivolous and from the matter: you do seem  
To be one of our Genteel spirits that do affect Generosity:  
Pleaseth you to be instituted in the nature, Garb. and habit,  
Of the most exactest Nation in the world, the Italian:  
Whose Language is sweetest, Clothes nearest, and haviour  
Most accomplished: I am one that have spent much money,  
And time; which to me is more dear than money, in the  
Observation of these things: and now I am come,  
I will sit me down and rest, and make no doubt,  
But by quality, to purchase and build, by professing this Art,  
Or human Science (as I may term it,) to such Honourable  
And Worshipful personages as mean to be peculiar.  Bub. 
This fellow has his tongue at his finger's ends:  
But hark you sir, is your Italian the finest Gentleman?  Sta. 
In the world signior, your Spaniard is a mere Bumbard to him: he will bounce indeed; but he will burst: But your Italian is smooth and lofty, and his language is, Cousin germane to the Latin.  Bub. 
Why then he has his Tu quoque in his salute?  Sta. 
Yes sir, for it is an Italian word as well as a Latin,  
And infolds a double sense: for one way spoken,  
It includes a fine Gentleman like yourself;  
And another way, it imports an Ass, like whom you will.  Bub. 
I would my man jarvis were here, for he understands these things better than I. You will not serve?  Sta. 
Serve, no sir, I have talked with the great Sophy.  Bub. 
I pray sir, what's the lowest price of being Italianated?  Sta. 
Sir, if it please you, I will stand to your bounty:  
And mark me, I will set your face like a Grand signiors,  
And you shall march a whole day, until you come opounctly to your Mistress,  
And not disrank one hair of your phisnomy.  Bub. 
I would you would do it Sir, if you will stand to my  
Bounty, I will pay you, as I am an Italian tu quoque.  Sta. 
Then sir, I will first disburden you of your Cloak,  
You will be the nimbler to practise: Now sir, observe me,  
Go you directly to the Lady to whom you devote yourself.  Bub. 
Yes sir.  Sta. 
You shall set a good stayed face upon the matter then.  
Your Band is not to your Shirt, is it?  Bub. 
No sir, 'tis loose.  Sta. 
It is the fitter for my purpose.  
I will first remove your Hat, it has been the fashion (as I have heard) in England, to wear your Hat thus in your eyes; But it is gross, nought, inconvenient, and proclaims with a loud voice; that he that brought it up first, stood in fear of Sergeants. Your Italian is contrary, he doth advance his Hat, and sets it thus.  Bub. 
Excellent well: I would you would set on my head so.  Sta. 
Soft, I will first remove your Band, and set it out of the reach of your eye; it must lie altogether backward: So, your Band is well.  Bub. 
Is it as you would have it!  Sta. 
It is as I would wish; only sir, this I must condition you off; in your affront or salute, never to move your Hat: But here, here is your courtesy.  Bub. 
Nay I warrant you, let me alone; if I perceive a thing once, I'll carry it away: Now pray sir, reach my Cloak.  Sta. 
Never whilst you live, sir.  Bub. 
No, what do your Italians wear no Cloaks?  Sta. 
Your signiors never: you see I am unfurnished myself.  Enter Sir Lyo Will Rash, Geraldine, Widow, Gartred, and joice. Bub. 
Sa'y so prithee keep it then. See, yonder's the company that I look for; therefore if you will set my face of any fashion, pray do it quickly?  Sta. 
You carry your face as well as ear an Italian in the world, only enrich it with a Smile, and 'tis incomparable: and thus much more, at your first appearance, you shall perhaps strike your acquaintance into an ecstasy, or perhaps a laughter: but 'tis ignorance in them, which will soon be overcome, if you persever.  Bub. 
I will persever, I warrant thee; only do thou stand aloof and be not seen, because I would have them think I fetched it out of my own practice.  Sta. 
Do not you fear, I'll not be seen, I warrant you. Exit.  Lyo. 
Now Widow, you are welcome to my house,  
And to your own house too; so you may call it:  
For what is mine, is yours: you may command here,  
As at home, and be as soon obeyed.  Wid. 
May I deserve this kindness of you, sir?  Bub. 
Save you Gent. I salute you after the Italian fashion.  Rash. 
How, the Italian fashion? Zounds, he has dressed him rarely  Lyo. 
My son Bubble, I take it?  Rash. 
The neither part of him I think is he,  
But what the upper part is, I know not.  Bub. 
By my troth he's a rare fellow, he said true:  
They are all in an ecstasy.  Gart. 
I think he's mad?  Ioy 
Nay that can not be; for they say, they that are mad, lose their wits: and I am sure he had none to lose.  Enter Scattergood. Lyo. 
How now son Bubble, how come you thus attired  
What, do you mean to make yourself a laughing stock, ha?  Bub. 
umh; Ignorance, ignorance.  Ger. 
For the love of laughter, look yonder,  
Another Hearing in the same pickle.  Rash. 
The other Hobby-horse I perceive is not forgotten.  Bub. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha.  Scat. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha.  Bub. 
Who has made him such a Coxcomb trow?  
An Italian tu quoque.  Scat. 
I salute you according to the Italian fashion.  Bub. 
Puh, the Italian fashion? the Tatterdemalian fashion he means.  Scat. 
Save you sweet bloods, save you.  Lyo. 
Why but what lig is this?  Scat. 
Nay if I know father, would I were hanged,  
I am e'en as Innocent as the Child new borne.  Lyo. 
ay but son Bubble, where did you two buy your Felts?  Scat. 
Felts? By this light, mine is a good Beaver:  
It cost me three pound this morning upon trust.  Lyo. 
Nay, I think you had it upon trust: for no man that has any shame in him, would take money for it: behold Sir.  Scat. 
Ha, ha, ha.  Lyo. 
Nay never do you laugh, for you're i'th' same block.  Bub. 
Is this the Italian fashion?  Scat. 
No, it is the fools fashion:  
And we two are the first that follow it.  Bub. 
Et tu quoque, are we both cozened:  
Then let's show ourselves brothers in adversity, and embrace.  Lyo. 
What was he that cheated you?  Bub. 
Marry sir, he was a Knave that cheated me.  Scat. 
And I think he was no honest man, that cheated me,  Lyo. 
Do you know him again, if you see him?  Enter Stain. Bub. 
Yes I know him again, if I see him:  
But I do not know how I should come to see him.  
O jarvis, jarvis, do you see us two, jarvis?  Sta. 
Yes sir, very well.  Bub. 
No, you do not see us very well;  
For we have been horribly abused:  
Never were Englishmen so gulled in Italian, as we have been.  Sta. 
Why sir, you have not lost your Cloak and Hat.  Bub. 
jarvis you lie, I have lost my Cloak and Hat:  
And therefore you must use your credit for another.  Scat. 
I think my old Cloak and Hat, must be glad to serve me till next quarter day.  Lyo. 
Come, take no care for Cloaks, I'll furnish you;  
tonight you lodge with me, tomorrow morn  
Before the Sun be up, prepare for Church,  
The Widow and I have so concluded on't:  
The Wenches understand not yet so much,  
Nor shall not, until bedtime: then will they,  
Not sleep a wink all night, for very joy.  Scat. 
And I'll promise the next night,  
They shall not sleep for joy neither.  Lyo. 
O Master Geraldine, I saw you not before:  
Your Father now is come to town, I hear?  Ger. 
Yes Sir.  Lyo. 
Were not my business earnest, I would see him:  
But pray entreat him break an hours sleep  
Tomorrow morn, t'accompany me to Church;  
And come yourself I pray along with him.  Enter Spendall. Ger. 
Sir, I thank you.  Lyo. 
But look, here comes one,  
That has but lately shook off his Shackles.  
How now sirrah, wherefore come you?  Spend. 
I come to crave a pardon sir, of you,  
And with hearty and zealous thanks  
Unto this worthy Lady, that hath given me  
More than I ere could hope for: Liberty.  Wid. 
Be thankful unto Heaven, and your Master:  
Nor let your heart grow bigger than your Purse,  
But live within a limit, lest you burst out  
To Riot, and to Misery again:  
For then 'twould lose the benefit I mean it.  Lyo. 
O you do graciously, 'tis good advice:  
Let it take root sirrah, let it take root.  
But come Widow come, and see your Chamber;  
Nay your company too, for I must speak with you. Exit.  Spend. 
'tis bound unto you Sir.  Bub. 
And I have to talk with you too, Mistress joice:  
Pray a word.  Ioy. 
What would you, Sir?  Bub. 
Pray let me see your hand: the line of your Maidenhead is out. Now for your Finger; upon which Finger will you wear your wedding Ring?  Ioy. 
Upon no Finger.  Bub. 
Then I perceive you mean to wear it on your thumb.  
Well, the time is come sweet joice, the time is come.  Ioy. 
What to do, sir?  Bub. 
For me to tickle thy Tuquoque; to do the act of our forefathers: therefore prepare, provide,  
Tomorrow morn to meet me as my Bride. Exit.  Ioy. 
I'll meet thee like a Ghost first.  Gart. 
How now, what matter have you fished out of that fool?  Ioy. 
Matter as poisoning as Corruption,  
That will without some Antidote strike home  
Like blue Infection to the very heart.  Rash. 
As how, for God's sake?  Ioy. 
Tomorrow is the appointed Wedding day.  Gart. 
The day of doom it is?  Ger. 
'twould be a dismal day indeed to some of us.  Ioy. 
Sir, I do know you love me; and the time  
Will not be dallied with: be what you seem,  
Or not the same: I am your Wife, your Mistress,  
Or your Servant; indeed what you will make me:  
Let us no longer wrangle with our wits,  
Or dally with our Fortunes; lead me hence,  
And carry me into a Wilderness:  
I'll fast with you, rather than feast with him.  Sta. 
What can be welcomer unto these arms?  
Not my estate recovered, is more sweet,  
Nor strikes more joy in me, then does your love.  Rash. 
Will you both kiss then upon the bargain,  
here's two couple on you; God give you joy,  
I wish well to you, and I see 'tis all the good that I can do you:  
And so to your shifts I leave you.  Ioy. 
Nay Brother, you will not leave us thus, I hope.  Rash. 
Why what would you have me do, you mean to run away together, would you ha' me run with you, and so lose my Inheritance: no, trudge, trudge with your backs to me, and your bellies to them: away.  Ger. 
Nay I prithee be not thus unseasonable:  
Without thee we are nothing.  Rash. 
By my troth, and I think so too: you love one another in the way of Matrimony, do you not?  Ger. 
What else man?  Rash. 
What else man? why 'tis a question to be asked;  
For I can assure you, there is another kind of love:  
But come follow me, I must be your good Angel still:  
'tis in this brain how to prevent my Father, and his brace  
Of Beagles: you shall none of you be bid tonight:  
Follow but my direction, if I bring you not,  
To have and to hold, for better for worse, let me be held an  
Eunuch in wit, and one that was never Father to a good Feast.  Gart. 
we'll be instructed by you.  Rash. 
Well, if you be, it will be your own another day.  
Come follow me.  Spendall meets them, and they look strangely upon him, and Exit. Spend. 
How ruthless men are to adversity,  
My acquaintance scarce will know me, when we meet  
They cannot stay to talk, they must be gone;  
And shake me by the hand as if I burned them:  
A man must trust unto himself, I see;  
For if he once but halt in his estate,  
Friendship will prove but broken Crutches to him:  
Well, I will lean to none of them, but stand  
Free of myself: and if I had a spirit  
Daring to act what I am prompted too,  
I must thrust out into the world again,  
Full blossomed with a sweet and golden Spring:  
It was an argument of love in her  
To fetch me out of Prison, and this night,  
She clasped my hand in hers, as who should say,  
Thou art my Purchase, and I hold thee thus:  
The worst is but repulse, if I attempt it:  
I am resolved, my Geneus whispers to me  
Go on and win her, thou art young and active;  
Which she is apt to catch at, for there's nought  
That's more unsteadfast, than a woman's thought.  Enter Sir Lyo, Will Rash, Scattergood, Bubble, Widow, Gartred, joice, Phillis, and Servant. Lyo. 
here's ill lodging Widow: but you must know,  
If we had better, we could afford it you.  Wid. 
The lodging Sir, might serve better Guests.  Lyo. 
Not better, Widow, nor yet welcomer:  
But we will leave you to it; and the rest.  
Phillis, pray let your Mistress want not any thing,  
Once more Good night, I'll leave a kiss with you,  
As earnest of a better Gift tomorrow.  
Sirrah, a Light.  Wid. 
Good rest to all.  Bub. 
Et tu quoque, forsooth.  Scat. 
God give you good-night, forsooth,  
And send you an early resurrection.  Wid. 
Good-night to both.  Lyo. 
Come, come away, each Bird unto his nest,  
Tomorrow night's a time of little rest. Exit.  Manet Widow and Phillis. Wid. 
Here untie: soft, let it alone,  
I have no disposition to sleep yet:  
Give me a Book, and leave me for a while,  
Some half hour hence, look into me.  Phil. 
I shall forsooth. Exit Phillis.  Enter Spendall. Wid. 
How now, what makes this bold intrusion?  Spend. 
Pardon me Lady, I have business to you.  Wid. 
Business, from whom, is it of such importance  
That it craves present hearing?  Spend. 
It does.  Wid. 
Then speak it, and be brief.  Spend. 
Nay gentle Widow, be more pliant to me.  
My suit is soft and courteous: full of love.  Wid. 
Of love?  Spend. 
Of love.  Wid. 
Why sure the man is mad? bethink thyself,  
Thou hast forgot thy errand?  Spend. 
I have indeed, fair Lady; for my errand  
Should first have been delivered on your lips.  Wid. 
Why thou impudent fellow, unthrift of shame,  
As well as of thy purse; What has moved thee  
To prosecute thy ruin? hath my bounty,  
For which thy Master was an orator,  
Importune thee to pay me with abuse?  
Sirrah retire, or I will to your shame,  
With clamours raise the house, and make your Master  
For this attempt, return you to the Dungeon,  
From whence you came.  Spend. 
Nay then I must be desperate:  
Widow, hold your Clapdish, fasten your Tongue  
Unto your Roof, and do not dare to call,  
But give me audience, with fear and silence:  
Come kiss me: No?  
This Dagger has a point, do you see it?  
And be unto my suit obedient,  
Or you shall feel it too:  
For I will rather totter, hang in clean Linen,  
Then live to scrub it out in lousy Linings.  
Go too, kiss: You will? why so: Again: the third time?  
Good, 'tis a sufficient Charm: Now hear me,  
You are rich in Money, Lands, and Lordships,  
Manors, and fair Possessions, and I have not so much  
As one poor Copyhold to thrust my head in.  
Why should you not then have compassion  
upon a reasonable handsome fellow,  
That has both youth and livelihood upon him;  
And can at midnight quicken and refresh  
Pleasures decayed in you? You want Children,  
And I am strong, lusty, and have a back  
Like Hercules, able to get them  
Without the help of Muscadine and Eggs:  
And will you then, that have enough,  
Take to your Bed a bundle of diseases,  
Wrapped up in threescore years, to lie a hawking,  
Spitting, and coughing backwards and forwards  
That you shall not sleep; but thrusting forth  
Your face out of the Bed, be glad to draw  
The Curtains, such a steam shall reek  
Out of this dunghill. Now what say you?  
Shall we without further wrangling clap it up,  
And go to Bed together?  Wid. 
Will you hear me? Knock within.  Spend. 
Yes with all my heart,  
So the first word may be, Untruss your Points.  
Zounds one knocks: do not stir I charge you,  
Nor speak, but what I bid you:  
For by these Lips, which now in love I kiss,  
If you but struggle, or but raise your voice,  
My arm shall rise with it, and strike you dead.  
Go too, come on with me, and ask who's there?  Wid. 
It is my Maid.  Spend. 
No matter, do as I bid you: say, Who's there?  Wid. 
Who's there?  
Within Phillis .'tis I, forsooth.  Spend. 
If it be you, forsooth, then pray stay.  
Till I shall call upon you.  Wid. 
If it be you forsooth, then pray you stay,  
Till shall call upon you.  Spend. 
Very well, why now I see  
Thou'lt prove an obedient wise, come, let's undress.  Wid. 
Will you put up your naked weapon sir?  Spend. 
You shall pardon me (Widow) I must have you grant first.  Wid. 
You will not put it up.  Spend. 
Not till I have some token of your love.  Wid. 
If this may be a testimony take it. Kiss him.  
By all my hopes I love thee, thou are worthy  
Of the best widow living, thou tak'st the course;  
And those that will win widows must do thus.  Spen. 
Nay, I knew what I did, when I came with my naked weapon in my hand; but come, unlace.  Wid. 
Nay my dear love, know that I will not yield  
My body unto lust, until the Priest  
Shall join us in Hymen's sacred nuptial rites.  Spend. 
Then set your hand to this, nay 'tis a contract  
Strong and sufficient, and will hold in Law,  
Here, here's pen and ink, you see I come provided.  Wid. 
Give me the pen.  Spend. 
Why here's some comfort,  
Yet write your name fair I pray,  
And at large; why now 'tis very well,  
Now widow you may admit your Maid,  
For i'th' next room I'll go fetch a nap.  Wid. 
Thou shalt not leave me so, come pray thee sit,  
we'll talk a while, for thou hast made my heart  
Dance in my bosom I receive such joy.  Spend. 
Thou art a good wench i'faith, come kiss upon't.  Wid. 
But will you be a loving husband to me,  
Avoid all naughty company, and be true  
To me, and to my bed?  Spend. 
As true to thee, as Steel to Adamant.  Bind him to the poas. Wid. 
I'll bind you to your word, see that you be,  
Or I'll conceal my bags, I have kinsfolks,  
To whom I'll make't over, you shall not have a penny.  Spend. 
Push, pray thee do not doubt me,  
How now, what means this?  Wid. 
It means my vengeance; nay sir, you are fast,  
Nor do not dare to struggle, I have liberty,  
Both of my tongue and feet, I'll call my maid:  
Phillis come in, and help to triumph, Enter Phillis.  
Over this bold Intruder, wonder not wench,  
But go unto him, and ransack all his pockets,  
And take from thence a Contract which he forced  
From my unwilling fingers:  Spend. 
Is this according to your oath.  Phillis 
Come sir, I must search you.  Spend. 
I pray thee do.  
And when thou tak'st that from me, take my life too.  Wid. 
Hast thou it girl?  Phill. 
I have a paper here.  Wid. 
It is the same, give it me, look you sir,  
Thus your new fancied hopes I tear asunder:  
Poor wretched man, thouhast had a golden dream,  
Which guilded o'er thy calamity:  
But being awake thou findst it ill laid on,  
For with one finger I have wiped it off:  
Go fetch me hither the Casket that contains  
My choicest jewels, and spread them here before him;  
Look you sit:  
here's gold, pearl, rubies, sapphires, diamonds;  
These would be goodly things for you to pawn,  
Or revel with amongst your Courtesans,  
Whilst I and mine did starve: why dost not curse,  
And utter all the mischiefs of thy heart,  
Which I know swells within thee, power it out,  
And let me hear thy fury.  Spend. 
Never, never:  
When ere my tongue shall speak but well of thee,  
It proves no faithful servant to my heart.  Wid. 
False traitor to thy master, and to me,  
Thou liest, there's no such thing within thee.  Spend. 
May I be burned to ugliness, to that  
Which you and all men hate, but I speak truth.  Wid. 
May I be turned a monster, and the shame  
Of all my Sex,— and if I not believe thee,  
Take me unto thee, these, and all that's mine,  
Were it thrice trebled, thou wert worthy all:  
And do not blame this trial, cause it shows  
I give myself unto thee, am not forced,  
And with't alone, that ne'er shall be divorced.  Spend. 
I am glad 'tis come to this yet, by this light  
Thou puttest me into a horrible fear:  
But this is my excuse: know that my thoughts  
Were not so desperate as my actions seemed,  
For fore my dagger should ha' drawn one drop  
Of thy chaste blood, it should have sluiced out mine:  
And the cold point struck deep into my heart:  
Nor better be my fate, if I shall move  
To any other pleasure but thy love.  Wid. 
It shall be in my Creed: but let's away,  
For night with her black Steeds draws up the day. Exeunt.  Enter Rash, stains, Geraldine, Gartred, joice, and a Boy with a lantern. Rash. 
Softly Boy, softly, you think you are upon firm ground, but it is dangerous; you'll never make a good thief, you rogue, till you learn to creep upon all four: if I do not swear with going this pace: every thing I see, methinks, should be my father in his white beard.  Sta. 
It is the property of that passion, for fear  
Still shapes all things we see to that we fear.  Rash. 
Well said Logic, sister, I pray lay hold of him, For the man I see is able to give the Watch an answer, if they Enter Spendall, Widow, and Phillis .should come upon him with Interrogatories: 'zounds we are discovered, boy, come up close, and use the property of your lantern: what dumb show should this be?  Geral. 
They take their way directly, intend nothing 'gainst us.  Sta. 
Can you not discern who they are?  joice. 
One is Spendall.  Gart. 
The other is the Widow as I take it.  Sta. 
'tis true, and that's her maid before her.  Rash. 
What a night of conspiracy is here, more villainy? there's another goodly mutton going, my father is fleeced of all, grief will give him a box i'faith, but 'tis no great matter, I shall inherit the sooner, nay soft sir, you shall not pass so currant with the matter, I'll shake you a little: who goes there?  Spend. 
Out with the Candle, who's that asks the question?  Rash. 
One that has some reason for't.  Spend. 
It should be, by the voice, young Rash.  
Why we are honest folks.  Rash. 
Pray where do you dwell? not in town I hope.  Spend. 
Why we dwell, 'zounds where do we dwell?  
I know not where.  Rash. 
And you'll be married you know not when, 'zounds it were a Christian deed to stop thee in thy journey: hast thou no more spirit in thee, but to let thy tongue betray thee. Suppose I had been a Constable, you had been in a fine taking, had you not!  Spend. 
But my still worthy friend,  
Is there no worse face of ill bent towards me,  
Then that thou merrily puttest on.  Rash. 
Yes, here's four or five faces more, but ne'er an ill one, though never an excellent good one, Boy, up wish your lantern of light, and show him his associates, all running away with the flesh as thou art, go yoke together, you may be oxen one day, and draw all together in a plough, go march together, the Parson stays for you, pay him royally, come, give me the lantern, for you have light sufficient, for night has put off his black Cap, and salutes the morn, now farewell my little children of Cupid, that walk by two and two as if you went a feasting: let me hear no more words, but be gone.  Spend. & Sta. 
Farewell.  Gart. & joice 
Farewell brother. Manet Rash.  Rash. 
ay, you may cry farewell, but if my father should know of my villainy, how should I fare then? but all's one, I ha' done my sister's good, my friends good, and myself good, and a general good is always to be respected before a particular, there's eight score pounds a year saved, by the conveyance of this widow, I hear footsteps, now darkness take me into thy arms, and deliver me from discovery. Exit.  Enter sir Lyonell. Lyonell 
Lord, lord, what a careless world is this, neither Bride nor Bridegroom ready, time to go to Church, and not a man unroosted, this age has not seen a young Gallant rise with a candle, we live drowned in featherbeds, and dream of no other felicity: this was not the life when I was a young man, what makes us so weak as we are now? a featherbed: what so unapt for exercise? a featherbed: what breeds such pains and aches in our bones? why a featherbed or a wench, or at least a wench in a featherbed: is it not a shame, that an old man as I am should be up first, and in a wedding day, I think in my conscience there's more metal in lads of three score, then in boys of one and twenty. Enter Basket hilt .Why Basket hilt.  Bask. 
Here sir.  lion. 
Shall I not be trussed today?  Bask. 
Yes sir, but I went for water.  lion. 
Is Will Rash up yet?  Basket. 
I think not sir, for I heard nobody stirring in the house.  lion. 
Knock sirrah at his chamber, Knock within.  
The house might be plucked down and builded again  
Before he'd wake with the noise. Rash aloft.  Rash. 
Who's that keeps such a knocking, are you mad?  lion. 
Rather thou art drunk, thou lazy slouch,  
That mak'st thy bed thy grave, and in it buriest  
All thy youth and vigour; up for shame.  Rash. 
Why 'tis not two o'clock yet.  Lyo. 
Out sluggish knave 'tis nearer unto five,  
The whole house has outslept themselves, as if they had drunk wild poppy: Sirrah, go you and raise the maids, and let them call upon their mistresses.  Bask. 
Well sir, I shall. Exit.  Enter Scattergood and Bubble. Scatt. 
Did I eat any lettuce to supper last night, that I am so sleepy, I think it be day light, brother Bubble.  Bub. 
What sayst thou brother? heigh ho!  lion. 
Fie, fie, not ready yet? what sluggishness  
Hath seized upon you? why thine eyes are close still.  Bub. 
As fast as a Kentish oyster, surely I was begotten in a Plumb-tree,  
I ha' such a deal of gum about mine eyes. Enter Servant.  lion. 
Lord how you stand! I am ashamed to see  
The Sun should be a witness of your sloth,  
Now sir, your haste.  Bask. 
Marry sir, there are guests coming to accompany you to church.  Ly. 
Why this is excellent, men whom it not concerns  
Are more respective than we that are main Actors.  Bub. 
Father Rash, be not so outrageous, we will go in and buckle ourselves, all in good time, how now! what's this about my shins? Enter old Geraldine, and Long-field.  Scatt. 
methought our shanks were not fellows, we have metamorphosed our stockings for want of splendour. Exit.  Bub. 
Pray what's that Splendour?  Scatt. 
Why 'tis the Latin word for a Christmas candle  lion. 
O Gentlemen, you love, you honour me, welcome, welcome good Master Geraldine, you have taken pains  
To accompany an undeserving friend. Enter Phillis.  Old Ger. 
You put us to a needless labour sir,  
To run and wind about for circumstance,  
When the plain word, I thank you, would have served.  lion. 
How now wench, are the females ready yet?  
The time comes on upon us, and we run backward:  
We are so untoward in our business,  
We think not what we have to do, nor what we do.  Phill. 
I know not sir whether they know what to do, but I am sure they have been at Church wellnigh an hour, they were afraid you had got the start of them, which made them make such haste.  lion. 
is't possible, what think you Gentlemen?  
Are not these wenches forward? is there not virtue in a man can make young Virgins leave their beds so soon.  
But is the widow gone along with them?  Phill. 
Yes sir; why she was the ringleader.  Lyo. 
I thought as much, for she knows what belongs to't,  
Come Gentlemen, methinks 'tis sport to see  
Young wenches run to church before their husbands: En. Rash.  
Faith we shall make them blush for this ere night:  
A sirrah, are you come? why that's well said;  
I mar'ld indeed that all things were so quiet,  
Which made me think they'd not unwrapped their sheets:  Enter Servant with a cloak. 
And then were they at Church I hold my life:  
Maids think it long until each be made a wife.  Enter Spend Sta. Geraldine, Widow, Gartred, and joice. 
Hast thou my cloak knave? well said, put it on,  
we'll after them; let me go hasten both,  
Both the Bridegrooms forward, we'll walk a little  
Softly on afore: but see, see, if they be not come  
To fetch us now, we come. we come,  
Bid them return, and save themselves this labour.  Rash. 
Now have I a quartan ague upon me.  Lyonell. 
Why how now! why come you from Church to kneel thus publicly, what's the matter?  Ger. 
We kneel sir for your blessing.  lion. 
How, my blessing! Master Geraldine, is not that your son?  Old Ger. 
Yes sir, and that I take it is your daughter.  lion. 
I suspect knavery, what are you?  
Why do you kneel hand in hand with her?  Sta. 
For a fatherly blessing too sir.  lion. 
Hoy day! 'tis palpable, I am gulled, and my son  
Scattergood and Bubble fooled, you are married?  Spend. 
Yes sir, we are married.  lion. 
More villainy! every thing goes the wrong way.  Spend. 
We shall go the right way anon, I hope.  lion. 
Yes marry shall you, you shall e'en to the Counter again, and that's the right way for you.  Wid. 
O you are wrong,  
The prison that shall hold him are these arms.  lion. 
I do fear that I shall turn stinkard, I do smell such a matter: you are married then?  Enter Scattergood and Bubble. Spend. 
Ecce signum, here's the wedding Ring t'affirm it.  lion. 
I believe the knave has drunk hippocras,  
He is so pleasant.  Scat. 
God morrow Gentlemen.  Bub. 
Tu quoque to all: what, shall we go to Church?  
Come, I long to be about this gear.  lion. 
Do you hear me, will you two go sleep again? take out the other nap, for you are both made coxcombs, and so am I.  Scatt. 
How, coxcombs!  lion. 
Yea coxcombs.  Scatt. 
Father, that word Coxcomb goes against my stomach.  Bub. 
And against mine, a man might ha' digested a Woodcock better.  lion. 
You two come now to go to church to be married,  
And they two come from Church, and are married.  Bub. 
How, married! I would see that man durst marry her.  Ger. 
Why sir, what would you do?  Bub. 
Why sir I would forbid the banes.  Scatt. 
And so would I.  lion. 
Do you know that youth in Satin, he's the penner that belongs to that Inkhorn.  Bub. 
How, let me see, are not you my man Gervase?  Scat. 
Yes sir. Enter a Sergeant.  Bub. 
And have you married her?  Scat. 
Yes sir.  Bub. 
And do you think you have used me well?  Scat. 
Yes sir.  Bub. 
O intolerable rascal! I will presently be made a justice of Peace, and have thee whipped, go fetch a Constable.  Scat. 
Come, you're a flourishing Ass; Sergeant take him to thee, he has had a long time of his pageantry.  lion. 
Sirrah let him go, I'll be his bail, for all debts which come against him.  Scat. 
Reverend sir, to whom I owe the duty of a son,  
Which I shall ever pay in my obedience:  
Know that which made him gracious in your eyes,  
And guilded over his imperfections,  
Is wasted and consumed even like ice,  
Which by the vehemence of heat dissolves,  
And glides to many rivers, so his wealth,  
That felt a prodigal hand, hot in expense,  
Melted within his gripe, and from his coffers,  
Ran like a violent stream to other men's,  
What was my own, I catched at.  lion. 
Have you your mortgage in?  Scat. 
Yes sir.  lion. 
Stand up, the matter is well amended,  
Master Geraldine, you give sufferance to this match.  Old Ger. 
Yes marry do I sir, for since they love,  
I'll not have the crime lie on my head,  
To divide man and wife.  lion. 
Why you say well, my blessing fall upon you,  Wid. 
And upon us that love sir Lyonell.  lion. 
By my troth since thou hast ta'en the young knave,  
God give thee joy of him, and may he prove  
A wiser man than his Master.  Sta 
Sergeant, why dost not carry him to prison?  Serg. 
Sir Lyonell Rash will bail him.  lion. 
I bail him knave! wherefore should I bail him?  
No, carry him away, I'll relieve no prodigals.  Bub. 
Good sir Lyonell, I beseech you sir, Gentlemen, I pray make a purse for me.  Serg. 
Come sir, come, are you begging?  Bub. 
Why that does you no harm Gervase, master I should say; some compassion.  Sta. 
Sergeants, come back with him, look sir, here is your livery,  
If you can put off all your former pride,  
And put on this with that humility  
That you first wore it, I will pay your debts,  
Free you of all encumbrances,  
And take you again into my service.  Bub. 
Tenterhook let mee go, I will take his worship's offer without wages, rather than come into your clutches again; a man in a blue coat may have some colour for his knavery, in the Counter he can have none.  lion. 
But now M. Scattergood, what say you to this?  Scat. 
Marry I say 'tis scarce honest dealing for any man to coney-catch another man's wife, I protest we'll not put it up.  Sta. 
No, which we?  Scatt. 
Why Gartered and I.  Sta. 
Gartered, why she'll put it up.  Scatt. 
Will she?  Ger. 
I that she will, and so must you.  Scatt. 
Must I?  Ger. 
Yes that you must.  Scatt. 
Well, if I must, I must: but I protest I would not:  
But that I must: So vale, vale: Et tu quoque. Exit.  lion. 
Why that's well said,  
Than I perceive we shall wind up all wrong:  
Come Gentlemen, and all our other guests:  
Let our well-tempered bloods taste Bacchus feasts,  
But let us know first how these sports delight,  
And to these Gentlemen each bid good night.  Rash. 
Gentles, I hope, that well my labour ends,  
All that I did was but to please my friends.  Ger. 
A kind enamouret I did strive so prove,  
But now I leave that, and pursue your love.  Gart. 
My part I have performed with the rest,  
And though I have not, yet I would do best.  Sta. 
That I have cheated through the Play, 'tis true,  
But yet I hope, I have not cheated you.  joice. 
If with my clamours I have done you wrong,  
Ever hereafter I will hold my tongue.  Spend. 
If through my riot I have offensive been,  
Henceforth I'll play the civil Citizen.  Wid. 
Faith all that I say, is, howe'er it hap,  
widows like Maids sometimes may catch a clap.  Bub. 
To mirth and laughter henceforth I'll provoke ye,  
If you but please to like of Greene's Tu quoque.  
FINIS.