The Knave in Grain, New Vampt. A witty Comedy, Acted at the Fortune many days together with great Applause. Written by J. D. Gent.  
LONDON: Printed by J. O. and are to be sold by John Nicholson at his Shop under St. Martin's Church near Ludgate. 1640.   

To the Generous Reader.  
COurteous Reader, the ancient Latin Adage is, Sultorum, but I say Nebulonum plena sunt omnia, Knaves be about all persons, and in all places. There are twelve Coat-Cards in the bunch, of which four are Knaves, Heart, Diamond, Spade, Club, suiting with the four C C C C: Court, City, Country, Camp: My purpose is not to touch any in particular; only thus much of them in general: some are notable, some notorious, some pimping, some panderly Knaves; some prating, some pestilent; some cozening, some coney-catching Knaves. There are also lazy and lying, base, and deboist, fantastical, foolish, and false Knaves. To these we may add Heretical and Hypocritical, schismatical, and separistical Knaves: not forgetting perjured, and shameless; impudent, and informing; arrogant, and arrant Knaves, Cum multis aliis. And besides these, I have heard of a Knave Tapster, a Knave Ostler, a Knave Sergeant, and a Knave Broker: but with these we have nothing to do at this time; only with a Knave in grain, or a Knave new vampt, in deciphering of whom, I give all the rest this Caveat, Have amongst you my Masters: And now if any of the rest shall find himself touched, he hath his mends in his own hands, for he cannot say but I gave him fair warning. And so much of the Argument, the Act follows.   

The Actors Names.  

IVlio the Knave in grain.  
Franciscus a Merchant of Venice.  
Chrisipus Father to Cornelia.  


Thomaso.  
Lodwick.   Gentlemen.  
Stultissimo a humorous gentleman.  
Fub his man.  
Arbaces a Senator of Venice.  
Antonio his son.  
Vallentius a gentleman.  
A Hermit.  
A Doctor.  
A Divine.  
A gentleman with him.  
Duke of Venice.  
Two Senators.  
A Guard.  
A Drawer.  
The Bread and Meatman.  
A Mercer and his man.  
A Barber.  
Two Sergeants.  
A Carman.  
A rabble of Boys and others.  
Two men.  
A Country fellow.   

Cornelia wife to Franciscus.  
Phemone her sister.  
Monkey the knave's wife.  
puss the Bawd.  
doctor's Wife.    
The Knave in Grain; OR New Vampt.  

Actus primus. Scena prima.  Enter Julio and Monkey. julio. 
WHy how now Puss, what ails my Monkey to chatter out of tune thus?  Monk. 
A whoreson senseless Coxcomb— but I am glad thouart come, I long for a pottle of wine and a Capon.  julio. 
Good provision for the present Monkey, but viderit futuritas, in the mean time, who lays up for futurity? Come you raise four hundred per annum, out of pottles of Wine and Capons?  Monk. 
Yes my Granado, in this quality: they that come short of my breeding have done't. The first credit I won was in a Garrison.  julio. 
In Holland.  Monk. 
No; and yet in the low Countries: I never sat foot in a leaguer yet.  julio. 
The reason of that?  Monk. 
My hard fate nothing else, having as much impudence, and as many ways to manage it, receiving weekly Corantoes from Paris, Rotterdam, and Flushing, and having trade too in Middleborough, I have been house Lecturer three years together, and read Aretine, both in print and picture, and that is much for one of my years.  julio. 
'T may be thou want'st acquaintance.  Monk. 
No such matter, the old Exchange, the new Burse, and new Town, afford plenty; not a Prentice that can cry Bawd, nor a butcher's Dog that can say bow wow, but is of my acquaintance.  julio. 
Yet it may be they are precise, and will not be seen in't.  Monk. 
That I know not, but most sure, I have feasted the Liberty twice at mine own charge, and helped their wives and daughters to the earning of many a fair pound: they will be seen in that.  julio. 
Well, I am sure I have furnished thy Library with all books of behaviour, and tables of entertainment.  Monk. 
And I have culled out all my phrases as curiously & stuck my language with such enticing conveniences: and for intelligence, all the lawn women, lace women, box women, and to come nearer to the business, very hair women, periwig women, and candied Elicumpany lick halberds, come in twice a week like decoy Ducks, with whole shoals at the tail of them.  julio. 
Why, then there's a fault in your company.  Monk. 
ay, ay, that villainous company undoes all, there's Lodowick Tomaso Valentine, high talkers, and deep drinkers, but they have wit in their wine, and too much honesty in their actions at all time, there's only on Gentleman—  julio. 
Stultissimo of a plain cut and square size, he runs just as you throw him; rub him a little against the grain now, and he will come off a great deal the smoother. You would not think, what charitable benefactors three or four such plush Colonels would be to the founding of a new honour.  Monk. 
But hast thou such a purpose, indeed?  julio. 
Why should not I have purpose and effect as much as any: A leager, yes, so it lay in the I'll of plenty; I'd dig through the Alps with Hannibal, and fetch Theseus from Hell, with Hercules' purpose and practice, my precious Monkey, 'tis done.  Bawd. 
And shall I come to the honour to write Mistress of the Leaguer.  julio. 
Shall not bate an accent of that title my Catamptial Monkey, but you must look out for spider's Monkey, and the Sprall of all four Puzz: I have laid the foundation in gold already.  Monk. 
Hast had a good return of thy ring's chuck?  julio. 
Rings hangum, they are as stale as Scotch Lanson, Or as your Decoy,  
No, I have sent 'em out in a desperate venture to Cape.  
No Monkey, my old friend Franciscus hath repaired my Jacket already, & has promised to new thatch my outside too.  
One of these boxes has 100 pieces of new gold,  
With chains and keys correspondent.  Monk. 
For what use Chick?  julio. 
For a dead lift Monkey: a Leaguer cannot be planted, manned, victualled and munitioned with a small Magazine: to work Monkey, a mousing Puss, make choice of your company, admit no parley with the popular, be high and proud of thyself, and let those that will needs buy thee, pay soundly for thee with a pox to 'em, Puss a wink to the wise, you know my mind, let's have no more midnight caterwaulings under sale-men's shop windows, Vintners dark cellars, no Justices long Entries, but bear up yourself so civil and so meager,  
You may be styled a sister of the Leaguer.  Enter Dulciflora a Whore, and Mistress Durable a Bawd, old Signior Stultissimo a foolish Gentleman, and Fub. Whore. 
Away you Rogue.  Stult. 
As I am a Gentleman body and soul I'll break your windows.  Fub. 
Master, as you are a man stand and tickle her.  Whore. 
Will you, you Rascal.  Bawd. 
Ah, sweet heart, prithee good woman.  Fub. 
Nay, let her come I'll give her heart belly full.  Stult. 
Let her alone Fub: let her alone, by this hand, I'll make the boys maul her Ruffs.  Whore. 
Fie how I am tired a whoreson stinking shamelegged, Fie, fie, fie, use a Gentlewoman thus in her own lodging.  Bawd. 
How does your back, O the Fucas, out alas, here's half a Crown in Complexion utterly cast away.  Whore. 
If I be not even with the Rutter—  Bawd. 
If he come where you have to do, let him pay soundly.  Whore. 
A plague upon his ass's ears, by my Virginity, I'll send his beard into Newfoundland for this.  Bawd. 
And so I would, to make lines to catch Cods: out, out, out, a Gentleman, and use a woman no otherwise; i'faith, yfath, it stands not with his reputation.  Whore. 
A whoreson smelled: Mistress Durable, I would I had some of your aqua vitae, I'm sick after the conflict.  Bawd. 
And shall good woman, come, come, pray keep yourself warm.  Enter Franciscus, and Julio, Julio very poor. Fran. 
Forsake me honour, when I do forget the bond of friendship, let not poverty, no, nor your father's 'haviour Julio: though our Venetian law proved him a Traitor: come pluck away your interest from my breast: when we were pupils in the Academy, I was Franciscus and your fellow then; I am Franciscus and your fellow still, nor can be altered: I have now a heart as free from pride, as when I clipped thee thus, before thou knew'st the taste of poverty, or I prosperity. Think not ancient friend I can forget thee, though thy need were such as beggary despised.  julio. 
The liberal hand of heaven reward your love, or lend my wishes that ability to thank you in requital.  Fran. 
Amen to that and more.  
I tell thee julio, I am not happier in my virtuous wife: and yet that's greater than yielding thee relief 'tis all that good men wish: Why have we wealth bestowed on us, but to return the same, where stern necessity pinches the ribs of him or her that wants? it has no other worth, no more esteem of me. Heap it together while the, massy weight e'en crack, what bears it less than dust? on dust deserves no more regard. I have a Wife, Nurse, and mother, all she is in one; yet one deserves more Titles, besides her feature, which may make compare with those that boast of parts: she is so kind, that many millions may be stamped again, ere one so perfect currant. She is worth more than the earth is: but she is my wife, and I will cease her praise: you know her father when you have his name: he is called Chrysippus, many style him good, and wish all Venice such.  Julio. 
Ere I was banished for my father's fact, my knowledge coated, and all Italy, spoke of a Damosel called Cornelia, this good Chrysippus daughter.  Enter Chrisippus, Cornelia, Anthonio, Tomaso, Phemono, Stultissimo, and Fub. Fran. 
She is that jewel, that unmatched, thing I made my boast of: That Cornelia is none but mine, I dare boldly say, and eke affirm it: See my Julio, she meets us unexpected, and comes to hinder what I would speak more, in cause of her demerit, modesty, and sweetness.  Chris. 
Franciscus: son!  Fran. 
My Love and duty make me ever such.  
To all this company a happy hour.  Corn. 
You have been missed Franciscus.  Fran. 
You have been missed Cornelia.  Corn. 
Where?  Fran. 
Where ere I have been, this is my friend, tender him your welcome with as good respects as I myself where he.  Corn. 
Sir, bid your own welcome, and command as much as all we have, were yours.  julio 
Your courtesies to one so thronged in misery As myself, dulls my behaviour, that I know not how Enough to laud or thank you.  Fran. 
You shall exchange your habit:  
Phemone, sister, Anthonio—  Whispers. Anth. 
We missed you yesternight.  Fran. 
I durst not come believe it:  
Vallentius for says rouses are too great,  
They make me quake to see 'em.  
How fares my x Lodwick?  Anth. 
He spoilt our sport: he was not well he said:  
I would you had been there: Tomaso pledged you twice.  Fran. 
I thank his love.  Tom. 
It is not worth it Sir.  Stult. 
I'faith Nephew I was extreme drunk, ask my man Fub else, he'll tell you what a coil he had with me: the rarest lest i'faith: prithee tell 'em how thou foundst me underneath the stairs.  Fub. 
By no means, 'twill make 'em drunk to hear it.  Enter Arbaces Antonio's Father. Cris. 
Signior Arbaces you are the man I wished for.  Arb. 
Well met Gentlemen: are you here Antonio?  Cris. 
Cornelia.  Corn. 
Sir.  Cris. 
No, 'tis no matter. Tomaso you shall do't,  
Go see nothing want; you are all my guests, you dine with  
Me that's certain: Nay, I will not be denied:  
Most welcome Sir to you: will you walk?  Fran. 
Ever, ever welcome.  Exeunt. Manet Stultissimo and Fub. Fub. 
Will you walk sir? will you munch?  Stult. 
Sirrah Fub, thou wouldst not think how sore my head is, ever since I had the knock with the Ladle?  Fub. 
I believe you: will you feed sir?  Stult. 
No more i'th' Ladle. methinks I am pocky melancholy here of late.  Fub. 
So I guessed, ever since you knew the Gentlewoman that beat you.  Stult. 
Thou sayest true, ever since i'faith.  Fub. 
Why she is able to make anybody pocky melancholy. But would you would snap a bit sir.  Stult. 
I love her I cannot tell how: i'faith and I were well searched, I think I am little kin to a spaniel, the more I am beaten, the better I affect.  Fub. 
Would I were sure of that.  Stult. 
Well, she shall hear from me in some Sonnet or Ditty; some rare thing of mine own invention, and that speedily: Let me see to what tune shall I have it?  Fub. 
And if you please, let it go to the Punks delight; 'tis your only sweet tune: for women do love the Punks delight.  Stultis. 
By this hand gramercy; they do indeed, thou canst sing if need be.  Fub. 
I can make a scurvy shift: But to say truth I am no good chorister.  Stult. 
But canst thou do well and scurvily?  Fub. 
After my manner.  Stult. 
Would I might be hanged presently, but methinks I am a piece of a Poet already, there's such a whistling in my pate.  Fub. 
That's nothing but your conceit sir.  Stult. 
Conceit merrily: O that my love were any thing but woman.  Fub. 
O that your love were any thing but Common: then might she be.—  Stu. 
What might she be.  Fub. 
Nay what you will i'faith.  Stu. 
I'll to't while 'tis hot, I know I'm in an excellent vein.  Fub. 
Prick it quickly then:  
But Hark you Signior, shall you not need my help?  Stult. 
I defy't, It shall be all mine own, I cannot abide, 'tis the scurviest thing to rob others of their wit, good or bad, it shall flow from mine own sweet brain.  Fub. 
I believe you'll find the tide turned, 'tis ebbing water there, would I might be begged, as he had like to have been, if his foolery do not vex my discretion, but he gives me means, and I could do little if I could not smile.  Exeunt. Enter Lodowick and Vallentius. Lod. 
Well Vallentius, and you be caught i'th' purlieus: and you be not stung for't I'll forswear privacy, and all that belongs too't, I have a Girl, the very spirit of what she was made for, and she were honest, she might crave supremacy of Helen, and make her ride behind.  Vallen. 
And I love one were she not honest, that's her only fault, she were a Paragon unparallelled, mingle all beauty that our Venice yields, and set herself aside, she would stand peerless, overshine them all, and dim the Artists cunning.  Lod. 
Is she a woman?  Vall. 
Yes, but such a one no voluntary habit, nor sly drift with all accommodations that beseems, unblemished truth itself can bring to speech or give my thoughts access.  Lod. 
What is she for a Saint, that stands in the how fair and beautiful: may one of my birth entreat her name and knowledge?  Vall. 
Vow your assistance to my purposes, and I a Traitor to myself reveal the treason of my mind.  Lod. 
Give me your hand, I am yours for better or worse, in all causes, all adventures, my sword and self vow fealty: Is she a wife?  Vall. 
ay, would she were not.  Lod. 
Know you Vanderman our great Physician.  Vall. 
What, my fretful Doctor? the only curer of mad folks; Know I myself?  Vall. 
You know he's married.  Lod. 
Yes, and what of this (oh would you be ministering therein.) I have you my dear Flora, well take my word she's thine.  Vall. 
I would that I were hers.  Lod. 
Why it lies in thine own choice.  Vall. 
But setting all this pleasantness aside, in earnest Lodowick I affect her so, no motive mean nor yet dire accident can change my steadfast will, I must enjoy her, or I must not live.  Lod. 
Thou shalt enjoy her, or I will not live.  Vall. 
You speak like a friend.  Lod. 
I speak like what I am, a Christian, and by that epithet, I meant as much as I speak, nor could I think, Vallentius, you of all the men alive, would have mistaken me.  Vall. 
In any kind but this I never had: pardon me Lodowick this doting loves bears such a jealous sway, the least suspicion puts us on the wrack, and breaks all chains of duty: You may persuade me to believe, but yet he that never saw a Vessel under sail, cannot imagine what the Seaman brooks, the Merchant sleeping on his downy Couch, ne'er dreams what danger the bold Soldier dures, and he that never felt the pangs of Hell, cannot report the torments: assure thee Lodowick so be satisfied, since I knew her, I have not known myself, so mighty is love's extremes.  Lod. 
'tis strange.  Vall. 
She troth plight was to me, and had been mine, had not desire of pelf altered her friends, and I dare well vow she loved me once, whate'er her mind be now.  Lod. 
Come be ruled by me, thou shalt set thy toe in the doctor's stirrup, ride and go afoot at thy pleasure: did she love thee once?  Vall. 
I had her oath.  Lod. 
Go to, renew thy suit, the fire is not all out, stir up the ashes, and thou dost not find some embers, that will both glow and warm, pawn me for buttered Sack, and let me never be worthy redemption.  Val. 
I want the means.  Lod. 
Think not of that, 'tis here my Flora, what man? he's not the first Doctor has worn a corner Cap: come, will you be merry Vallentius, and you'll forsake not this mood, I renounce society.  Val. 
I am yours, obedient as your hand.  Lod. 
Follow me then, and I drive not this melancholy fit out of thee, I'll never trust my conceit: what, ho Damazella? Knocks, and Clarislona looks out at the window.  Whore. 
whose's there?  Lod. 
He's here that should be here, come down?  Whore. 
Lodowick.  Lod. 
Yes.  Val. 
What's she.  Lod. 
The commodity I told you of, there's a Gentleman a friend of yours in love with her.  Val. 
Not yourself.  Lod. 
No faith, though you shall hear her swear as much, 'tis our rich heir Signior Stultissimo.  Val. 
What, the Fool?  Lod. 
That morsel of man's flesh, she cannot beat him away, he haunts the Eves like a Sparrow in March, you may hunt flies from honey sooner then him out of her company: now Mistress how stands things with you, when did you play with your fool's babble?  Whore. 
You'll never leave this.  Lod. 
Bid my friend welcome.  Val. 
I thank you Lady.  Lod. 
Come kiss me?  Whore. 
Will you stay all night?  Lod. 
Yes, when I am weary of strength, and foes with my back.  Whore. 
I'faith Lodowick, you must leave this?  Lod. 
So I will.  Whore. 
When?  Lod. 
When thou leav'st thy trade?  Whore. 
Will you sup here?  Lod. 
Yes drink, nothing else.  Whore. 
Lord, how wise you're grown?  Lod. 
So I were, if I could keep out of your company.  Whore. 
Fie, you're to uncourteous Lodwick: nay, he's ever thus, but 'tis my fault.  Lod. 
Marry mend it then for shame.  Whore. 
Where's my Bracelet, which of your trulls has that?  Lod. 
Shall I be true to thee?  Whore. 
you're ne'er true to me.  Lod. 
I mean honest.  Whore. 
I care not for your honesty.  Lod. 
I believe that too, but in plain verity. Your bracelet embraces my horses main.  Whore. 
Come, you jest.  Lod. 
No good troth.  Whore. 
Swear you, I hope you make a difference between your horse and me.  Lod. 
Faith but little: and yet you're both good bearers.  Val. 
By the bright Sun you wrong her: weep not fair one.  Lod. 
What, shall we have tricks?  Enter Julio. Val. 
You are too blame beshrew me.  Lod. 
Now, when, what needs all this, nay, and you pout farewell.  Val. 
As I am a Gentleman you part not so.  Whore. 
Sweet, Lodwick.  Lod. 
Hum, why was not this before, I have seen the Bears.  Val. 
Do not I know your woman?  Enter the Bawd. Bawd. 
Hist, hist, Are you the man of War?  Lod. 
Nay, you must draw nearer, if you'll have your Embassy answered: how is't Mistress Durable?  Bawd. 
How do you Master Lodowick?  Lod. 
The worse for you, and your creatures.  Bawd. 
It's a good hearing.  Lod. 
Shall I have three or four words in private?  Whore. 
Not with her unless I participate.  Bawd. 
What's the matter?  Whore. 
Yonder's Fub, the party's man you wot on has something under hand and seal.  Bawd. 
For me.  Whore. 
So he gives out.  Bawd. 
You may admit him.  Whore. 
Rest you merry Gentlemen.  Enter Fub. Lod. 
whose's this secret party, this concealed Champion, What have ye here, Signior Stultissimo's man?  Fub. 
All hail.  Vall. 
This fellow would keep a vild coil if he were atop o'th' tiles.  Fub. 
Gentiles, good speed.  Lod. 
What, the Plough?  Fub. 
No, you, and you please, Marona to yourself.  Lod. 
This fellows discreet.  (gives a paper) Whore. 
To me.  Fub. 
So says his backside.  Enter Julio. julio 
You the man of War, or more properly Pirate, that gave summons to the leaguer.  Lod. 
leaguer, Sir.  julio. 
leaguer, Sir, the report of your Potguns cannot make us hang up a white flag.  Toma. 
The skirt of a clean smock's more proper ath' two.  julio. 
we come not to learn what's proper of you, Monkey, and catch flies.  Lod. 
Play at his foolery, come hither Punk.  julio. 
Sir, you're uncivil, she's none; nor this a Bawdy house; but a Leaguer of gentle entertainment.  Lod. 
The fellow dreams: Come wake and be thyself.  julio. 
myself? Would you were as sure yourselves as I am.  Tom. 
A what?  Iul. 
I'd fain know that of you:  
But I advise you to take council of your best judgement first,  
Your words will be questioned.  Lodw. 
Question that dares, thouart an arrant Cheater.  julio. 
'tis not your pare royal of plush Coxcombs can secure you in't.  Lodo. 
Valiant o' the sudden too.  julio. 
Not suddenly neither:  
The growth has both time and sufficient temper.  
Why I a Cheater? let any impartial—  
Ride Circuit, and sit in judgement of us all,  
And show any reason either in Art or Nature,  
Why I a Cheater more than any of you.  Lod. 
Thou hast nothing but a little wit to live upon.  julio. 
That's endowment enough for a Gentleman:  
I ever shall count him the nobler gentleman  
That makes himself a fortune in the world, than he  
That brings it into the world with him.  Tom. 
Suppose this granted: yet why this a Leaguer?  Julio. 
I want words for you: only for conclusion, one out of a strange affected carriage has gathered an admirable method of drilling, and training men from the flying of Cranes: Another rare order and government of Commonwealths, from the poor labour of the Bee: And I out of this Leaguer—  Lodo. 
Will extract certain ways and carriages for Cheaters and Libertines.  Iul. 
'twere not from my purpose if I granted that to. Lycurgus was the first Lawmaker; and the best Law that ever he made, was a provision or maintenance for Cheats, as you call 'em, and Felons (viz.) That he (without exception of age, quality, or condition) which could do the most high dainty, and dangerous piece of Felony, and come clear off, should be preferred to the most eminent place of office in the State; but if he failed, he was then to receive Martial Law.  Lodo. 
Strange course, pick Officers out of Felons.  julio. 
'Tis a kind of Meslin or mingled grain still. How much of the poors money was found in one of the Churchwardens purchase last day?  Lod. 
None I think.  julio. 
How many thieves horses have been watered at the High Constable of the hundreds watering trough within this ten years?  Tom. 
I think not any.  Julio. 
It may be so: But I am sure, I have heard, or read, or something, that a new Chief Justice of some place, or a better man would not ha' made very nice to bid a fat purse to breakfast with him if he light upon it soundly: so that it is not so much the Art to know, as the government to dispose: that qualifies the man.  Lodo. 
He says true: all times ha' been guilty of good fellowship, why not this? I like the Leaguer now so well, I care not if I buy a place of command in it myself.  Julio. 
Why now you come to me,  
That's the Pearl I ha' dived for all this while:  
I have a catalogue of names, places, and prizes.  
A cup of entertainment for my friend.  
Welcome to the new Leaguer.  Lodo. 
We'll pledge, we'll pledge:  
Victualled and Wined already?  julio. 
To the Society at the Swan two pottles and a half: Monkey the health; these are my noble & prime visitants; the boxes I gave you to lay up.  Lod. 
How now julio, gold?  Tom. 
By this light, and the most curious.  Iul. 
A poor Granam's gift gentlemen: 300 pieces, or such a taste, partly induction to a business, or so. There's a Bordeaux Merchant in Town now, would lay me between wind and water this twelvemonth, but the spite is, I am tied not to part with this gold for ever: if I knew where to borrow but half the worth on't—  Lodw. 
Half the worth?  
I'll vow to lend the full worth,  
If that will pleasure thee.  julio. 
You shall keep the gold under lock and key for your pawn.  Lod. 
Thou shalt not want for such a courtesy to do thee good: I'm glad thouart so thriving.  Tom. 
Lock up the box, and keep the key; there's the full sum.  julio. 
To a Piece I assure you: you shall see else again.  Lod. 
No more, no more trouble:  
Let me see for how long?  julio. 
Three Months, not a day longer:  
Nay sooner if money chance to come in afore:  
I have offices in my Leaguer stand upon Fortune's hill.  
'Uds me Signior Stultissimo promised  
Me a courtesy last night:  Monkey. 
Assure thee sweet chuck he'll not fail thee.  julio. 
I believe thee without an oath:  
Make my friend welcome to the Leaguer Monkey:  
As soon as I have dispatched my voyage  
To the Canaries, I am for you again Lads.  Whor. 
Gentlemen, who can read?  Lod. 
Who cannot?  Fub. 
I can resolve you:  
She cannot.  Lod. 
What's here?  
Opprobrious Saint, and most Angelic fiend,  
Ere I begin, thus do I make an end.  Lod. 
I should have been sorry else:  
Nay silence, or the Proclamation's lost.  
And if thy heart be not patched up in Marble,  
Hark how my pen does in thy praises warble.  Val. 
O dear Apollo, how art thou abused, Is there more?  

Sweet stinging Wasp, and well conceited Dove;  
For beauty nice, entitled Queen of love  
Of me; Sir reverence; that does thee adore;  
Which art esteemed a good one and no more:  
Let reason rule thy Amazonian fist,  
Let ladle rude be thrown at hady wist,  
So shall I love thee, take it for no fable  
Better than well, and more than I am able.  
Yours despite your guts. S. S.   Lod. 
Ass, Ass.  Val. 
The Authors name.  Lod. 
Cannot you get her Signior Stultissimo?  Val. 
O, lamentable complaint!  Lod. 
As ever poor man heard.  Whore. 
Will he take no warning.  Val. 
Is this a Challenge?  Lod. 
Fie no, they are too violent to come in rhyme.  Whore. 
Lodowick, is not this your practice?  Lod. 
Why, dost thou think me so simple, so ridiculous.  Fub. 
No, I'll assure you, It's a token of good will of my Masters, there's no brain guilty on't but his own: if you like it you may, and you will not, the laws in your own hands, you may choose.  Whore. 
Good Gentlemen return the Carrier.  Lod. 
What? a cuff or a knock.  Fub. 
He has penned a Song too, which I should have tickled, if I had not been hoarse with drinking flapdragons last night.  Lod. 
What's thy name?  Fub. 
Fub.  Lod. 
Prithee honest Fub, tickle thyself out of our companies, we'll be Fubbed no longer.  Fub. 
Will not you be Fubbed Sir.  Lod. 
Thou knowest my resolution.  Fub. 
Nay, but will ye not indeed?  Lod. 
No faith.  Fub. 
I am glad I know't,— be with you.  Exit. Lod. 
Have you any wine i'th' house?  Whore. 
Yes dearest.  Enter Julio. Lod. 
Come, a pox a these devices, hang off: will you drink Vallentius?  Val. 
Will I live?  Lod. 
Where's the Matron?  Whore. 
The Matron, Lord, you're the strangest man.—  Lod. 
Your Matron Grandum, what will you have it, your Bawd?  Whore. 
I must be quiet.  Val. 
Nay, enter, enter.  Exeunt omnes. Enter Julio, very brave, solus. Julio. 
The easy time, and such as thrive in it, favour my wishes, the ignorant whose sole dependence is on verity, and carry conscience in their timorous breasts, are not associates meet for julio. Those that ne'er knew the strain of Policy, nor aim at more, then what may well content, draw not my length, the way to prosper, the directest course such are my sore necessities, is to get liking of this lovely Maid Franciscus' sister, bright Phemone, the Virgin's modest, chaste, and debonair, besides her brother's rich, there hang my hopes, but she affects not me, all her desires are on young Antonio's, rich Arbaces son, my friend (supposed) at least, but that is breath; by what man has, or can have, he's my foe that hinders my design, where he my next of blood, that shall he find: the mean to purchase what I reach at now, there is but only one, one only means that can supplant him, here it lies shall do't, were he as dear in estimation as Nisus to Euryalus.  
I love myself, I count him still most wise,  
That cares not who's thrown down so he arise.   

Actus secundus. Scena prima.  Enter Franciscus and Julio. sound Music. Fran. 
THou hast to say something, yet nothing I hope trivial, by our known affection I beseech thee, speak what thou canst.  julio. 
I would I had embraced my poverty, while the pale Moon has residence in heaven, would I had been deaf.  Fran. 
Whereto tends this speech if I thought my fault, or any ones pertained to me, through wilful negligence, or otherwise, to breed the occasion of this passionate mood, I should condemn the cause of the offence, and deem myself unhappy.  julio. 
Can heaven suffer it?  Fran, 
What, what does heaven suffer, speak my julio?  julio. 
Too much of ill.  Fran. 
Let me know that ill, and I rest satisfied.  julio. 
Pray no more, the malady is mortal, unsanctified, monstrous. Anthonio is there such a man?  Fran. 
Many that wear that name in Italy: but one amongst that many known to me.  julio. 
Hate all the name.  Fran. 
Pardon julio, I'll hate myself first.  Julio. 
Anthonio is a Villain.  Fran, 
Blot not the reputation of his youth with such calumny, he is no way such, but as unblemished, as the snow before it touch the Mountains.  julio. 
He's a Villain.  Fran. 
Villain never had so fair an outside, nor yet heart so just as that he carries.  julio. 
He's a Villain.  Fran. 
I have some business at the Port, you'll sup with me tonight.  julio. 
Do you love yourself, do you love honour, do you love your wife?  Fran. 
I do.  julio. 
Then hate that Anthonio.  Fran. 
Give me to understand, since you will force me to endure your report, wherein he's culpable, or does deserve these ignominious titles.  julio. 
He loves not you.  Fran. 
'tis not my fault.  julio. 
He wrongs your sister.  Fran. 
Therein, he's too blame.  Julio. 
He loves your wife.  Fran. 
That amends, quits all his former wrongs.  julio. 
Can you bear it thus, wink Vulcan then,  
And let the god of War, throw up her skirts again.  Fran. 
How's this?  Julio. 
You will not understand; I'll speak no further.  Fran. 
Come, come, my wife is honest.  Julio. 
Yes.  Fran. 
If she be, 'tis nothing you have said, I'll hear no more; begone.  Julio. 
Will you list a word, Anthonio wrongs you.  Fran. 
Wrong me, and if he would he cannot.  Julio. 
He plays the Parasite, the officious Ass to veil his sin.  Fran. 
Would I might understand you?  julio. 
The Serpent tempts your wife, these ears and eyes can testify; for your sister, she's stale: his excuse, whereby he cloakes his vice.  Fran. 
I wish you julio, to know what you speak.  julio. 
I am not mad, I love you, 'tis my love, you are my father.  Fran. 
I pray be advised, consider what you do? speak not this no report, be certain; do not abuse my patience. Tempt my wife, rent earth, and swallow falsehood.  julio. 
Will you be moved Parnassus, the two topped, forked Mount?  Fran. 
My blood is not mine own, I want command of all that now obeyed me, how different are my fits? I am now a congealed, kneaded cake of ice, bound from all motion, now again( methinks) a flaming Island, a Vesuvius Hill, merely combustion.  julio. 
Forget not, sir, your patience.  Fran. 
Tell me of patience when I am myself: how did he tempt her, how did she accord on thy reputation?  julio. 
I would I had been dumb?  Fran. 
Hang not i'th' wind, (delay does torture) answer me as how?  julio. 
Kind, sir, recall your wonted manhood?  Fran. 
Answer me how.  julio. 
I pray pardon me.  Fran. 
What? strike and cry mercy, I must be resolved, thou hast flung me i'th' fire, even in the Oven, the mouth of Aetna, nothing thou couldst have said, nothing have done, could have assured like torture.  julio. 
Would, when I saw him kiss her, crush her hand, wink and laugh out, use his undecent language: Fie, fie.  Fran. 
Cornelia false, the flood may come again, nothing impossible, kiss, and crush hands, wink, wink heaven and all above.  julio. 
Kind, sir.  Fran. 
Bear witness, all that good are, how dear, how dear, I held that most false man: set him here, here, even on the spire and pinnacle of my heart; my life was his, and all that I call mine, but her he has abused?  julio. 
Dear friend, do not forget your name, these are but likelihoods, far from the thing itself, and say he be a Villain, as no doubt he's little better in his rude exposures: she may be honest.  Fran. 
No Julio, no, had she meant well,  
She would have warned me of his foul attempts,  
Said such, and so's his 'haviour.  
When she was loyal, as sure one she was,  
(If ever any was) no accident how vain  
So e'er it seemed, but she a woman, would unfold  
Her sex, and say 'twas thus, and thus.  julio. 
I have struck him through.  Fran. 
Treble abuse:  
Deflowered my wife, abused me,  
Disgraced my sister; thrown infamy  
On all our heads at once: What beast uncivil bred,  
Amongst careless Monsters (but thee Antonio)  
Would have been kicked on to that damned enterprise?  
That I had patience; methinks thou shouldst not  
Be the Villain yet, report does speak thee.  julio. 
Nay gentle friend.  Fran. 
'tis true, 'tis true.  
Had any twixt the North and Southern Pole  
Spoke these words but he, it had not been,  
And he had falsely lied.  
This is a Creature I have raised, revived,  
Snatched from destruction's teeth,  
Incorporated to me, so dear and just, as not  
A thing in all the world can be more truer to itself  
And certain: but his modesty conceals it,  
Could write a Volume of their loathed designs,  
And curse the stories cause. O false Cornelia!  Julio. 
Remember what you are.  Fran. 
Remembrance burst!  
There's no contemplation, nothing whate'er can  
Drive the thought of shame out of my mind:  
Would I had never known discretion,  
Could never have made distinctions of persons,  
And harmless Creatures; hence forth be ignorance:  
Mother of Nations and Understanding perish:  
Fair, foul Cornelia. The blue faced  
ocean, nor her fertile womb, that yields  
Us all increase, nourishes none so false as woman:  
Traitors have they been since their first being,  
And betrayed poor man ere he beheld himself.  
Cornelia can it be thou art a Strumpet?  
Oh, oh, fury finish that, burns thee to Cinders.  Exit. julio. 
Work on, work on:  
Fate lifts me to the seat of my desires;  
And I am prosperous and happy.  
This Devil jealousy, my present friend,  
Cannot at least but quite supplant Anthonio:  
Besides this seeming honesty of mine, begets me good  
Opinion of Franscicus, as shall install my wish;  
All adds to my avail: what need I curses fear  
For the debate my policy shall raise betwixt these Turtles?  
I hold with Machiavel, for fame or profit  
To break oath or league with friend,  
Or Brother: there's nothing gainful bad:  
I ha' my wish, Advancement now  
Is what I aim at, present glory here:  
He's true religious, that does nothing fear.  Exit. Enter Thomaso, Valentius, Lodwicks, Stultissimo, and Fub. Stult. 
And how? and how?  
Was it not pathetical and pretty?  Val. 
i'faith I never heard the like.  Lod. 
Nor I.  Stult. 
I thank the Muses, I have as sharp a conceit of mine own when I list.  Lod. 
Sir I take you to be a great devourer of Verjuice.  Stult. 
Now and then; but 'tis not altogether that; every one has his gift.  Val. 
'tis so.  Stul. 
Some has two or three.  Lod. 
You say true Signior, some has twenty: for which they may thank impudence and the art of begging.  Stul. 
The art of begging: pray you how long has begging been an art?  Lod. 
Ever since in rid in a footcloth, and wore the badge of authority.  Stult. 
How long's that ago?  Lod. 
Ever since you Granam's daughter had a Calf of your age.  Stul. 
Is't possible?  Lod. 
Yes, and will continue till he's a Bull and horn mad.  Stul. 
Most miraculous: would I were mercenary, and had no more in me than an ordinary man: Signior, I cry you mercy. How do you since you poured the pottle of wine in my neck, and threw the pot at my head, because I would not pay my part o'th' shot?  Tom. 
Was there such a time?  Stult. 
Was there? Why have you forgot how you kicked me, and I crept under the Table: I'll be sworn this Hip's as lame ever since, as if I had the Cyatica.  Fub. 
Absurd and gross.  Vallen. 
We must leave you Signior.  Stul. 
I thank you with all my heart: I am going to the foresaid place: here's my servant Fub can tell you if I lie in my throat.  Fub. 
I will assure you he's wandering to puss, or as a man would say, to deal with Mistress Clariflora.  Stul. 
Yes faith am I: she beat me t'other day, and I am now going to make her amends. I think I endure more beating than any three in Venice.  Fub. 
Than a Stockfish.  Val. 
'Tis a sign you are offensive.  Stul. 
So they say that do't. yesternight a scurvy boy did so jowl my head and the wall together, for holding opinion that Cheese was unwholesome.  Val. 
No more good Signior: farewell.  Stul. 
At your service:  
Shall we expect you at the old house?  Exit Stul. & Fub. Val. 
If you please:  
Have you heard the like?  Tom. 
These are Asses so tedious—  Val. 
They're kin to Burrs, they will not off with shaking.  
Now my Thomaso what I have to say:  
The chief occasion made me summon you,  
Is to entreat your knowledge and assistance  
In such a project, (as yourself set by) and him that must  
Partake in the attempt, Venice in Italy  
Conceals the man that I durst credit.  Tom. 
Let it not touch confusion of the State,  
Treason, and Murder: whatsoever it be,  
Command my will and sufferance.  Val. 
Defend that ever I should be such:  
Vallentius never had so foul a thought,  
To infect himself, and others.  
Thus, in brief, I love a woman; fairer  
Than herself ne'er wore the epithet:  
You have seen her sure, and know her:  
She's wife to Vanderman.  Tom. 
Correma's daughter?  Val. 
That same only wight, is the most precious  
Beauty I adore, and would fain call mine own.  Tom. 
Knew you her husband?  Val. 
By his name, no further;  
By that knowledge you understand his course.  Tom. 
Yes he's a Physician: and besides,  
What else report speaks of him.  Val. 
Listen then my purpose,  
The severe sir, whose high stretched phrases  
Galls the ears of Patience, and wisdom would fain shun,  
Bears such a jealous and observant eye  
Over the prey I aim at, all conference is debarred,  
And you may sooner whisper with the Saint  
Argos had charge of, than converse with her,  
Unseen, and unsuspected.  Tom. 
Is there no device to compass her?  Val. 
But one, and this is it;  
yourself and Lodwick (harken I beseech you)  
Shall to this skilful Vanderman present me  
As one distracted: nay smile anon,  
And with a kind of sober modesty, as if you list you can,  
Report some probable possibility, how  
And which way I got my ecstasy:  
Let me alone to make your words seem truth,  
And so possess my prating mountebank,  
That he shall say and swear I'm mad at least.  
If not past all recovery.  Tom. 
Will this do?  Val. 
This, or none.  Tom. 
Then none.  
Why this is the shallowest, indirectest course to win a woman that ever was composed, in my opinion.  Val. 
In your opinion: why sir?  Tom. 
Why, hope you to gain her thus with a mad fit: mark the event, this is a course as wide: Are you so simple to imagine, she a timorous woman, will endure your presence, seeming possessed? for shame believe it not, invent some other means.  Lodw. 
I verily think so too, but he will never be persuaded.  Tom. 
This were a way to scare her, and to make her shun you.  Lodw. 
Leav't off, leave't off, and study some other new passage.  Tom. 
Do, do; this is the grossest: fie Vallentius:  Lodw. 
Come, you shall pardon him once: we all miss sometimes.  Val. 
Good gallants do not ride me, lest I gall you: I'll assure you I trot hard: why my brace of conceits, my wits; what does your abundance of wit run at waste: for shame, have you so poor a brain, and you my most exquisite excellent, for shame take off your spectacles and see better: are you such a dunce: are you so rare a Coxcomb, to deem I will appear always the same: are you the men you promised? will you be Masters of your words and oaths, tender your vowed assistances?  Lodw. 
I am Lodwick still.  Tom. 
And I Tomaso.  Val. 
Continue so: what shall redound upon this adventure, falls upon my head, be it no shame to yours: only preferment and your smooth apologies.  Lod. 
Leave that to us.  Tom. 
But can you act the madman bravely?  Val. 
Tut, I have played Ajax, and performed the part well, to make boast of imitation, better than he that Lucian writes of, who so digested what he played, that he run mad indeed.  Tom. 
Can you do't?  Val. 
So well, as Aesop could discharge his Scene, whereby he won most laud.  Lod. 
This praise were well in me.  Val. 
Mistrust not my behaviour, and if it prove not correspondent to my word, think me an idle vaunter, and no meet associate for you.  Tom. 
When put we this in practice?  Val. 
There's no deferring weeks, nor days, this hour, this very evening does my fit begin.  Lod. 
Shall we about it then?  Val. 
What else, what else? Remember gentlemen you fall not upon the scandal of Ignorance: but in any case keep your countenances.  Lodw. 
Make no doubt of that.  Val. 
Come then, and fortune friend us.  Exeunt omnes Enter Francisco, and Antonio, as in a Grove. Fran. 
Draw your sword.  Ant. 
'Gainst whom?  Fran. 
'Gainst me.  Ant. 
'Gainst any living man that's your enemy:  
What ails my dear Francisco?  
By your face you should not be in health.  Fran. 
Draw your sword.  Ant. 
What mean you?  Fran. 
Draw your sword.  Ant. 
'Gainst you never in anger:  
Are you well Franciscus? methinks your cheek  
Carries a paler hue than wont to be his Livery.  Fran. 
I must fight with you.  Ant. 
With me.  Fran. 
With thee perfidious monster, with thee thou judas.  Ant. 
Are you yourself?  Fran. 
Thou hast abused me, wronged me.  Ant. 
I wronged and abused you?  
Franciscus, can you think so of me?  Fran. 
Do not inquire; yonder he sits knows all:  
Look yonder, thou art to him transparent, and seen through,  
As easy as the air: do not cloak thy vice, do not:  
Seest thou this? seest thou the place we tread on?  
Mark my speech, one of us twain, or both (never start)  
On this cold earth, this very Champion, shall  
Offer up a crimson sacrifice of his most precious blood:  
For that cause drew I to this silent shade,  
Remote from all suspicion, where  
Revenge might glut with satisfaction:  
Draw thy sword, or else thou never shalt.  Ant. 
Did not my love prohibit,  
Think, Francisco, I could not be a Coward,  
Nor endure the opprobrious taunts the malice  
Of your heart has made your tongue throw on me;  
Why I know not: believe me, and receive it for a truth,  
Were you some other, in this wide vast world,  
And not Franciscus, you had been a dog  
That I had kicked long since; but you are my friend,  
And my disgrace is buried: yet if you carry honour  
In your breast, and bear your wonted venerable mind,  
Make me to understand from whence, or why your  
Comminations & undecent language point thus at me alone?  Fran. 
Will you draw?  Ant. 
Do you thirst for blood? if so, and mine, hide to the hilts your naked instrument, my bosom is your mark: thrust home and take your fill.  Fran. 
Will you draw?  Ant. 
You had mine answer, never, never.  Fran. 
Do you not love my wife?  Ant. 
Yes, by Heaven.  Fran. 
Confess, o impudence! my wrong cries out, no more expostulation, remember julio.  Ant. 
Wherefore him, he is a Toad more virulent, oh, oh!  Fran. 
bath there, adulterate fiend, and thy red drops wash off thy guilty stains.  Enter Hermit and Shepherd. Ant. 
Oh, some charitable creature!  
Francisco, dear Francisco.  Exit. 
No pity, no remorse, I bleed, and much effusion robs me of my breath, something of sense relieve me, help, o help.  Shep. 
That dying tune, was sure a man's, where art thou friend, speak thou that cried'st for help, if thou wouldst have thy wish, speak once again: where art thou?  Ant. 
Here.  Shep. 
To one in thy case could I ne'er less wish, than health and mercy, how fare you sir?  Ant. 
Oh! Oh!  Shep. 
His utterance is decayed, and life begins to creep out of his wounds: let me see, so many, and so mortal! can I but stay the course I wish no more: have I nothing left, to stay this passage: well, yet still he breathes, that I had here some help. Thy aid Omnipotent, yet his pulses beat, life is not quite discharged,— no succour! keep he but motion, till I can bear him to my Cell, I doubt not, his recovery: this wind, this wind, that my Balms were here: for my youthful day's heaven lend ability.  Exit. He carries him off. Enter Crissippus, Tomaso, Lod wick, julio, Cornelia, and Phemone. Cris. 
Run to all brief confusion.  Lod. 
Good, sir, be pacified.  Cris. 
Even in the pride, and noon time of his fortunes, brought to destruction thus: a milder, better tempered Gentleman, Venice nor Europe yielded; his knowledge made me proud, and I was rich in his adoption.  Corn. 
O my Franciscus, o my gentle Lord!  Phe. 
My brother, my dear brother.  Cris. 
My son, my son, so noble, valiant, wise, dearer to me than him I call mine own by true succession, do you weep?  julio. 
I am not blessed, all things do sort contrary; 'twill not do, my projects thrive not, would I had been silent, we know the first, but not the last, I begin to perceive our policies of times whets the Axe, cuts off our own necks; I have and one myself, that it should come to this, we seek to mend so long, that we mar all: for mine own part, would I could have been content: but who would have dreamt the course would have proved so violent: well this I am sure on, I may starve ere I get such another friend.  Tom. 
Sister, if it be true, as so the rumour goes, you have played false, and wronged your dearest friend: you are not worthy such another man, you sole Queen of Afrique; had you to live as many ample years as our first fathers, or their ages thrice: you might spend all those tedious houses twice told, ere you find a Mate so worthy, were you equivalent, in birth and beauty, and had no parallel: Neptune's gems to boot, you want worth and excellency both, to weigh down his demerit; Virtue and Honour stamped him for their own, at his first being, and the Graces strove to increase his plenitude. More perfection than he has, he needs not, where ere he's betook.  Corn. 
Something that's mighty, stain me Leopard like, if ere I gave offence.  julio. 
I should be loath to wish so.  Cris. 
Not you offend? look here,  
This letter left he as a testimony,  
Who is there here 'mongst all this company,  
That knew Franciscus, knew not he affected,  
And highly prized the slain Antonio?  
What could have raised such deadly enmity?  
But this, but this, thou strumpet,  
Between such twinlike friends?  
Thy misdemeanour, thy approved falseness;  
Which too, too well he knew,  
Thou hast und one him,  
Fled he is and gone;  
His goods already seized are for the State:  
And die he shall if ever he be took,  
Oh, fie upon thee my perpetual shame!  Corn. 
Can you this behold, you upright Justices?  Cris. 
Thou art not mine, I here deny thy claim,  
And warn thee henceforth,  
Come not near my roof:  
Pine, starve and die, relief and comfort  
Never more expect from him that was thy father.  julio. 
'Tis nothing I see, to work the dissolution of a house,  
How easily this is done?  Cris. 
I must weep, to deem  
I should be forced to be so cruel;  
More I have to say, if tears would let me;  
( methinks) I could both kiss and curse her:  
If she be wronged, and through some make-strife,  
These foul ills prove a greater plague,  
Then fell in Egypt, light on the author's head,  
The maws of Dogs be his Tomb:  
Help me to curse him julio.  julio. 
Ten thousand swords struck me together.  Lod. 
Lived there such a wretch,  
And that I knew him,  
Let my faith not save me,  
But I would tear the Viper with my teeth,  
And like a rude and savage Cannibal,  
Eat out his treacherous heart.  julio. 
Now the foul Devil, stuff thy gluttonous paunch,  
I am no viand for thee?  Lod. 
Who's this comes here, Arbaces?  Enter Arbaces, with two or three Gentlemen. Arba. 
Disgrace and woe smite all this company, and make them feel my grief.  Cris. 
Disgrace, contagion, and what can be worse,  
Smite thee and all thy tribe.  Arba. 
Undone, undone, where is Anthonio?  
Where's my son Crisippus?  Cris. 
Answer thine own words;  
Where's mine Arbaces?  Arba. 
Where such a Villain—  
And fell murderer should.  Lod. 
More charity for shame.  Cris. 
Sorrow gripe my heart till it be blood less,  
But what thou speak'st is false:  
A more slanderous lie never left the lips of any.  Arba. 
Lie?  1 Gent. 
Sir, be persuaded.  Cris. 
Tell not me, I'll prove it on him, Arbaces, boy—  Arba. 
That we were alone.  Lod. 
Well said, old Lad.  Arba. 
Show thyself a man, meet me tomorrow.  Lod. 
Good, sir, forbear.  Cris. 
Not meet him.  1 Gent. 
Will you be entreated?  Cris. 
Give me leave.  Lod. 
Will you be pacified?  Cris. 
Meet thee, yes I will meet thee;  
I dare meet a man: Arbaces thou shalt find it.  Arba. 
Come, you are a prater.  Cris. 
Prate; ye shall hear from me.  Toma. 
With reverence of your age, good sir,  
You want of that discretion and staid judgement;  
Your years and place requires: It is not well,  
One of your reputation and report,  
Should so forget yourself: to be plain,  
You lack advice; and this same cavillation,  
Merely provoked by you.  
Proclaims a loud your inconsiderate folly.  Arba. 
Sir, sir; check your own:—  
You never lost a son, and cannot  
Aim at my affections and paternal care:  
You have undone me—  
Robbed me of my joy.  Toma. 
You are not right considerate,  
Who has undone you sir?  Arba. 
You, you, and she, and every one of you;  
The punishment for murder fall on all your heads,  
And blast your terrene hopes:  
Cruel, cruel, butchery.  
Wast not sufficient that he took his life,  
As by his own confession:  
Undid his woeful mother and myself,  
But he must practise more  
immanely, more dire austerity;  
Throwing his breathless trunk  
In some obscure night-shaded Mansion,  
A prey for ravenous beasts;  
Where never eye of creature rational,  
Shall more behold him: unchristian part,  
If there be justice, above or here;  
As certainly there's both: I'll petition,  
My loud complaints shall pierce both sides o'the globe,  
And strike a sorrow in the rudest thing,  
Nature for man's use moulded:  
O! my Antonio? my joy, my life;  
My dear, my dear Antonio.  Exit. Lod. 
There's cause for this.  Cris. 
Sure, sure, how fond was I  
That could not weigh this before;  
Having his proper cause,  
If for some not slaughtered,  
Nor mine own, but by selection,  
I could sigh my age, shed floods of tears,  
Meet dangers in my shirt, bid conquering  
Death defiance, if all this and more I durst attempt,  
For one no otherwise, then mine by law;  
Needs must he rave past rules of Manhood,  
And forget all precepts that support his sufferance:  
See you this? What think you of yourself?  
Have you not done well? account thou scandal,  
That like the Whore of Greece,  
Was teemed for man's destruction;  
Thy sin upon thyself, my door is shut;  
That hospitality I show a stranger,  
Shall be restrained from thee.  Corn. 
Most courteous sir,— expect more.  Cris. 
Keep your Orisons to charm relenting beggars.  
Such in need, as may thy wants relieve;  
Or at least sympathy thy mournful tale,  
When fierce distress smiles,  
Expect more comfort from the blustering North,  
When he does blow the highest Acorn head  
Down to the Meadow, and there dips his cup;  
Then lest relief from me, for thee;  
For thee chaste Maid, all benisons,  
And goodness, that I can, command and have.  Phe. 
Your liberality was ever such,  
As merits more than thanks; yet thus far,  
Truth emboldens me to say you are too cruel kind,  
Not all the proofs,  
whate'er incensed my brother to his rage;  
Can wean me to that vain opinion,  
To think it her desert: I dare protest for her,  
No persuasion can drive belief in me,  
To call Antonio false; if you prove so cruel,  
So unnatural as you speak, there is no pity in you:  
Nor are you such as a father ought to be,  
Thrust her out, then turn me off;  
If you supplant one, you extirp us both,  
And her extremes are mine.  Cris. 
Since you disdain my proffered courtesy,  
Together shelter your necessities;  
Take up your harbour with the hardy beast;  
These gates are locked to her and her relievers  
Henceforth I will forget her,  
Blot her name forth of the Bed roll  
Where my children stand,  
And vow I had none such:  
Hence, hence, thou scandal.  Exit. Cor. 
Thus guilt less ones, suffer the guiltless blame,  
While they triumph in fraud, thus the strict Judge  
Condemns th'innocent for the thief's offence;  
Whilst partiality allows his wrong,  
And greatness makes it good;  
Will equity never take place again?  
Has trust left swaying here? that I but knew my crime:  
Or that Francisco but beheld my heart!  
Let mine eyes rain a river of salt drops,  
And my tears drown me, if any foul sin of mine,  
Deserve Francisco's hate:  
I had rather heaven had made me any thing,  
Then one so much unhappy,  
When ere thou bidest on the plenteous shore,  
Or labouring flood,  
Prosperity adhere to thy proceedings,  
And fame conclude thy deeds,  
For me despised, such be my fortune as my loyalty,  
And I request no more,  
My sweet, my sweet Francisco.  Exit. Phe. 
Heaven do thee right.  Lod. 
And if thou be'st not honest,  
There's neither pride nor cozenage in this City:  
If every conscience were well searched,  
And you did not find  
Some dainty fine conceited Rogue  
Has been tempering,  
Let me return to my Cradle,  
And be hanged in my swaddling clouts.   

Actus tertius. Scena prima.  Enter Vallentius, and doctor's Wife, Lodowick, Tomaso, and Julio. sound Music. Tomaso. 
THink you it so?  Lod. 
Yes, and verily believe't.  Toma. 
'tis strangely carried.  Lod. 
Mark the end, mark the end;  
Why do you sigh, Signior?  
Are you troubled with the Cramp?  Toma. 
O, blame him not, he has good cause to sigh,  
Francisco set by him precious: How fare you, Signior?  julio. 
Never worse, my Friend's undone.  Lod. 
ay, a mischief and a vengeance o'th' cause, by this sword, nay, fear not man, I am not angry, and I could not judge, well, I say no more: but if he did not walk on Stilts, I do detest eating and drinking, and those are two necessaries, a man can hardly live well without them.  Toma. 
The very Paragon, mirror of the time.  Lod. 
If I could not have wept when I beheld her, and that was more than I did at the death of my father, I have no belief in me.  Toma. 
Who but she, the wonder of our age.  Lod. 
No more words, mark the end, mark the end; I say, still mark the end.  Toma. 
I must leave you.  Lod. 
Not as the wench left the Frenchman in the suds, there's neither mettle nor society in thee; if thou abandonest my company, till we have visited Valentius.  Toma. 
I wonder how he speeds?  Lod. 
Did he not act the madman to the life, was't not well? could ever a Dunstical Doctor in this Town, have picked falsehood out of his behaviour: he was so mutable, so full of varying tricks( methinks) I see him yet.  Toma. 
Defer your visitation till tomorrow, or late sometime tonight: I am yet unfit, this sudden trouble has made me not myself.  Lod. 
Nay, you must go; I have sworn you shall, and (that presently.  Toma. 
I pray you pardon me,  Lod. 
I will not be denied, refuse me now and ever.  Toma. 
You'll have your humour still?  Lod. 
What, eschew acquaintanceship? forget, After my most hearty commendations, my very trusty friend, 'Twere sin and shame Tomaso.  Toma. 
But some other time.  Lod. 
This time, sometime, other times, and all times, this day, yesterday, t'other day, and every day; no hour amiss, march on, march on.  Exit. Julio. 
I could launch my Dagger through my side, at one easy throw: beggar my friend; subvert mine own estate, and undo her, by whom I hope to climb, accursed, brainless slave: could the damned Devil with all his firebrands, beat into my pate no sounder subtlety. I had, I had relief, Fool vaunt of that? boast what thou hadst? or might have? 'tis past, 'tis gone, my villain self, confounded has myself, and him that did sustain me:  
What chokes Corn sooner than side-feed weeds,  
Who ofter does man wrong than he afeeds:  
Let me ponder; have I no other invention?  
No trick to take away my life, after my means:  
Study upon't, I'm struck upon a sand,  
Swallowed, devoured, through wilful ignorance,  
Never to rise again: 'tis a villain's cast,  
First to sink others, them himself at last.  Enter Valentius and doctor's wife. Val. 
You cannot blame me neither:  
For love himself undertook more for love;  
Had you been tangled in a Labyrinth more intricate  
Than held the minotaur, or have been  
By Enchantments bound to servitude,  
My life's adventure had my love expressed,  
And offered the release.  Doct. wife. 
Our plighted amities will dwell in me  
While life endures; the many winters, & the tedious hours  
We two have spent alone, alone Vallentius,  
When nothing but what was not fit the Sun  
Should look upon,— Alack my Husband.  Enter Doctor, Thomaso, Lod wick, Stultissimo, and Fub. Val. 
It must not be denied, I'll maintain't before the Synod, here's my witness: was't not well done of brave Caligula to make his horse a Senator? deny't, deny't, would not a good horse show well among a team of Asses: ha, what think you: give me another sword: O noble Hector, look, Achilles flies, and bloody Pyrrhus shrinks.  Tom. 
Alas, alas.  Val. 
What news, what news?  Stul. 
Gentlemen he takes me for a Carrier:  
You are deceived sir, I am not the party.  Val. 
Will Pluto keep his word, shall all extortioners, engrossers, usurers, be finely damned, of what kind soe'er? will he spare none?  Lod. 
Wondrously spent.  Val. 
Let me see, let me see, the son of Panace, a sprightly Lad; Hercules, a lusty youth, a very lusty youth; Sampson, a tall young man, a very tall young man.  Lod. 
Does he not do't well?  Val. 
I'll make thee prove't, I'll make thee prove't.  Fub. 
I think you are mad:  
What shall I prove?  Val. 
Why greatest generals, that command whole Legions, and train, and keep in order every man, cannot keep in a woman.  Fub. 
That's an easy question, because most of them get Follies wings, and grow so light there's no ho with them: they must fly out.  Val. 
Hang them, they are nought all: Tell not me learned Ovidius Naso, what's your name.  Doct. 
Good sir.  Val. 
That bloody villain: Treason gentlemen, call up a Guard, the traitor's discovered: bind him sure, sure: are you took napping sirrah: Down with him, down with him, down.  Doct. 
Help, help, help Gentlemen.  Vallentius beats him in, the gentlemen would come between. Exit all but the doctor's wife. Fub. 
I do not like this.  Fub goes off another way. Enter Valentius again, and kisses her. Val. 
Now my sweet I have sent him off in post,  
Let us retire the while.  
Who in affection will not his wits prove,  
Was never loyal, nor did ever love.  Enter Doctor. Doct. 
Past, past cure, I doubt. Give me leave, I find by my Art 'tis no Vertigo, no whirling, but a mere settled frenzy: Nay I pray you give me leave: for as both Hippocrates, and Galen, Avicen, Podalirius, Rucis, Cornelius, Celsus, Corannus, Augustino, and Rombart, do you conceive me? besides a dozen or two of Englishmen, most learned and worthy physicians (if I knew what they were) have demonstrated paraphrastically, both it and the cause, styling the malady the digestion of the brain, or Irrevocabilis ignis, the irrevocable fire: Nay, will you understand me?  Lod. 
Would we could.  Doct. 
I pray you give me leave.  Tom. 
Who hinders him?  Stul. 
Sir if you can speak our tongue, I would very fain be beholding to you.  Doct. 
Art thou mad?  Stul. 
Not altogether mad, though I confess I have been pricked with the thorns of Love: I have been over shoes in my days.  Doct. 
Avoidance, for charity avoidance.  Stul. 
Yes marry shall you: I would desire you to help me to a pill, or a potion that could make one honest, that I doubt is a little gone astray.  Doct. 
Avaunt, avaunt.  Stult. 
No sir, she is none of my naunts: she's one that must be my wife.  Doct. 
Turbulent fiend: avaunt, avaunt I charge thee.  Stul. 
I would have it applied sir.  Doct. 
Illiterate dunce, abandon my house, avaunt I say again.  Stul. 
Nay, I pray you be quiet, for though I have endured many hard words at your hands, I shall hardly brook blows.  Enter Fub. Fub. 
Good gentlemen give me leave to laugh: ha, ha, ha, the doctor's wife, and the Madman: the madman, and the doctor's wife.  Lod. 
Why, what's the matter?  Fub. 
Why sir, the fits upon him, and he's upon her, and yonder's such sport, ha, ha, ha.  Doct. 
Fire and Thunder.  Exit. Fub. 
Run: beware horns.  Tom. 
Is this true sirrah?  Fub. 
Follow the Doctor, believe your eyes.  Lod. 
Beware the trap Valentius.  Tom. 
Pray heaven he be not ta'en with nibbing.  Lod. 
Why are you melancholy Signior?  Stul. 
Faith sir I'm troubled with corns, and ever against rain they make me so melancholy—  Lod. 
Is that it, for the thing you spoke on, you shall not be beholding to the scald peremptory Doctor: Come to my Chamber anon, and I'll give you a powder shall fulfil your request, as well as all the potions or Pills he can devise.  Stult. 
Nay, but will you be constant.  Lod. 
Say no more:  Stul. 
And you do take my word, while I live: She and I will be at your service: when shall I come for't?  Lod 
Any time afternoon. Will you walk Tomaso?  Stul. 
This is good news with all my heart: Fub we are all made; thou shalt have a new Livery out of the bargain.  Fub. 
I thank you sir, I would I had it.  Stul. 
Thou shalt, that's as good: would I were whipped but I could be monstrous merry now.  Fub. 
No I pray you be not monstrous merry till you are married.  Stul. 
I'll go give thee a pottle of Sack.  

The Tavern Scene.  
And ever he gave her a bob,  
And ever he gave her a blow:  
But where he knocked her once above,  
He thumped her thrice below.   
What wilt not do? prithee —let's be lusty.  Fub. 
As a Crow in a Gutter. Run there she goes.  Exeunt. Enter Antonio, and the old shepherd disguised. Ant. 
Father, for so I must style you,  
Your care and pains in my recovery,  
Deserves a recompense more than I am able to perform:  
Now I consider with myself, had we compassionate souls,  
Or were men but good, they would banish beggary  
The World quite over, and every one have sufficient.  
As hitherto you have concealed my course,  
Continue still your wonted secrecy,  
Call me your son, and such appointments as a father  
Should command me to endure I shall perform:  
Blessed, blessed be you: effectual be my prayers.  Shep. 
The longer time you so journey here with me  
The more welcome: nothing more I crave;  
But if I die while you reside i'th' grove,  
Out of your charity you'll take the pains  
To lay me in the grave I have prepared, and with your hand,  
Your foot, or any thing, cast dust upon my body,  
And spend a little Ceremony.  Ant. 
More than this I will, and more than I will speak.  
Francisco, wheresoe'er thou bidest, abide in quiet,  
And have my pardon ever. If thou be'st fled  
For any cause of mine, and I thy ruin prove,  
Defend it heaven, were't not for trial of Phemone's love,  
And promised constancy, how soon would I renounce  
My habitation, unclothe thy fear, & set all even again?  
Nothing 'mazes, nor drives me into that serious  
Contemplation, as whence his wrath should proceed.  
Perchance Franciscus thinks me unfit to call him brother,  
And his sudden rage proceeded from advice.  Enter Corn. and Phemone disguised. 
If it be so for ever will I keep this shady bower,  
And never hold companionship with man,  
More than is present, forget Arbaces ever  
Called me his, or that I was his son.  
Circle me safety, what are these come here  
Where never neighbour dwelled?  Corn. 
Calamity could not inflict so much as I could bear  
With patience, did Franciscus imagine but the truth:  
No lenity, but all extremes that may  
Attend me with their sharpest violence,  
If e'er I broke my vow: this sorrow,  
Nor the 'haviour I sustain are for mine own endurings,  
Witness you that know all secrets, 'tis for him  
I wish thrice better than myself.  Ant. 
Yes, and that Cornelia; as sure as the black ouzel  
Has a yellow mouth, that whistles me awake.  
'tis she, or I am fond.  Corn. 
O my Franciscus! O my dearest Lord!  Ant. 
There needs no more for confirmation:  
What make they here? Do not undo me wonder.  
ne'er had two ragged coats more orient pearls,  
Than you two shells do hide: 'tis she, or I am fond,  
Leap not forth with joy, such needy robes  
Should wrap the shoulders of necessity,  
When winter falls the Leaf: happy Antonio,  
I am disguised, and so, if that my speech reveal not,  
Without suspect I may obtain my wish,  
And have all doubts resolved: I'll greet 'em.  
Bonny wight, whate'er you be,  
Luck be in your company:  
Are you Sylvanus, say to me?  Phem. 
None such, good Shepherd.  Ant. 
Deft and trim ones mickle glee,  
Be you what you please to be,  
Some disaster tend by ye,  Corn. 
Never, never more.  Phe. 
A me unfortunate.  Ant. 
Welladay, now by my Creed,  
And my merry Oaten Reed,  
Sike another rousing sigh  
Would well split me gay and blithe:  
Let a loutish Clown partake,  
Why this sobbing dole you make?  Corn. 
O inconstant world.  Phe. 
A me unfortunate.  Ant. 
Wonderment of woe relate  
If simpleness you might not scorn,  
How you happed to be forlorn.  Corn. 
The story would be too tedious for the time,  
And would undo the speaker: Friend no more,  
You shall do well to leave us.  Ant. 
Be not all too keen, bright star,  
If my pertness went too far,  
Mercy is the doom I sue,  
Good things never meant more true,  
Than the silly shepherd did,  
Late when he your sorrow bid:  
Discourse the means merry Pan,  
And the sagest gods do scan;  
Wherefore was it? well a near,  
You foul mucky cloud I fear  
Will besprint us, Poebus twain,  
If so list you but to deign  
A poor shepherds entertain,  
Welcome should you be, I wiss,  
Nor thing comely should you miss,  
Though not courtly: answer make,  
Will you my small feasting take?  Phem. 
The rain begins to fall;  
Sister accept the Shepherd's courtesy,  
His simpleness cannot but mean well sure.  Corn. 
Even what you please:  
Whither I go, or wheresoever I rest,  
Sorrow with me, and I with sorrow feast.  
Welcome, welcome, welcome still,  
Never with a freer will  
Was welcome spoken, by the sky;  
Welcome, welcome heartily.  
Alack, alack, the rotten south  
begins to ope his dewy mouth,  
Time to hide you: Father meek  
Give kind welcome, I beseek,  
To these white ones, bonny girls,  
Welcomer than heaps of Pearls.  Sheph. 
You see our Cave, and make as bold as welcome.  Exeunt. Anto. 
Receive my adorations Queen of chance, Thou never gav'st that jewel to that man, was half so well esteemed; my hopes have their desires, Phemone, blessed success; nothing that's amiss, but I shall understand: disguise I thank thee, joy ties up my tongue, and will not let me speak; they part not soon.  Exit. Enter Franciscus disguised. Fran. 
What Angle of the Earth must be my grave?  
The Sea and Sun have bounds, and know their course,  
The sons of men have none:  
Limitless he wanders the foreign deserts,  
And begets more wonders every hour:  
The Chime that tells the last minute of the night,  
Chides but in vain when every thing's asleep;  
So I in the relation of my woe, when no man hearkens,  
Spend but idle breath, and never find relief.  
But for increase sake, I could wish devoutly,  
I never had known woman:  
What comfort ever others' reaped from them,  
They have been plagues to me: to note the difference,  
They are such things, nothing's more worse, nor better;  
To say truth, they are Angels, and Devils;  
I will not curse 'em, lest I make them worse  
That needs no badness, nor rip up their defects,  
Lest I spend all my after time of life in nothing else but that.  
julio, the profit of my Orisona be thine,  
where'er I spend 'em, upright constant man:  
Yet I am eased, in that I do not bear my slavish yoke,  
Cocker mine infamy, as many do within our Venice gates:  
Thanks to thee julio; Chastity, honour of women,  
Whither art thou fled? that they are all so false  
I must forget 'em, they will make me mad  
To think of their abuse: would I could learn  
What inquisition is made after me;  
Some speech of my concealment will report blab out,  
That I may hear the danger does pursue me,  
Though I adventure life, I will know more,  
Or die in the presumption: I'll nearer to the City.  Enter Lodwick, Tomaso, julio, Stultissimo, Fub, the Whore, and the Bawd. Stult. 
That's a good jest i'faith; Drawer, gives more Wine.  Lod. 
What's a good jest Signior?  Stult. 
That none should be honest but the valiant.  Lod. 
How's that? how's that?  Stult. 
Why my beetle-browed Host swears 'tis impossible for any to be honest, that is not valiant.  Toma. 
What said he? What said he?  Enter Drawer. Stult. 
That none could be honest, that were not valiant.  Tomd. 
O very good, very good: more Wine here, he's packing, set out his hand.  Lod. 
And his foot too, ere I have done: where's this fellow? another Pottle sirrah.  Stult. 
Sir I thank you for my powder, it gave her half a dozen of tickling stools, she has been loose ever since.  Lod. 
Give me your hand, here's even now to all the invisible horns i'th' City.  Stult. 
Forget not the Country, let it go round I pray you.  Lod. 
A health.  Fub. 
You'll have reason to pledge this shortly.  Stult. 
Will you come? tomorrow is the day I'll assure you, for better or worse.  Lod. 
Tomorrow from better to worse?  Fub. 
Yes faith he has said it, and I swear it, from better to worse indeed.  Toma. 
Married tomorrow Signior?  Stult. 
You have said we shall be doing.  Fub. 
Undoing he means.  Toma. 
So near marrying Clariflora, and not acquaint your friend? i'faith I thought Mistress you would have let me understood what had passed.  Bawd. 
'Tis my part to conceal.  Fub. 
She were no good Bawd else.  Lod. 
Come, sit round, sit round, tomorrow the day?  Stult. 
Pardon me, I'll not sit next this lousy fellow: gentlemen, what do you with this poor rogue in your companies? Does he come to make mirth, can he play the fool wittingly?  Lod. 
I know him not.  Toma. 
Would he were set down stairs, I never could endure him from the first: Franciscus made me know him.  Stult. 
Sirrah, if you mean to depart in peace, begone suddenly.  Toma. 
Would the Ass could rid this intruding Copesmate.  julio. 
Let me beseech you.  Stult. 
You shall go, your prayers cannot save you; Fub, show him the way down.  Fub. 
Shall I be your Usher? will you follow your leader sir?  julio. 
Thus poverty's despised at home, abroad, and in all companies.  Stult. 
A whoreson Tatterdemalian, come amongst Gentlemen of sort. What, is't no more but up and ride? How now Fub, is he vanished?  Fub. 
The Drawers have drawn him out Sir.  Lod. 
Clinke boys.  Toma. 
Drink boys.  Stult. 
And let the Cannikin clink boys.  Lod. 
Stultus.  Stult. 
Yes Lodwick.  Lod. 
Tomaso, shall's make a night on't mad lads?  Toma. 
And a mad night too Bullies: where shall's strike fail?  Lod. 
The Leaguer, where but o'th' new Leaguer: there's generous entertainment for Gallants of sort at all times: and for entrance trust me my mates.  Toma. 
But money grows low, and expenses will fly high.  Stult. 
Fly high, let it, I have a jack in a box shall pay for all one day.  Lod. 
I am as full as a Sponge, I cannot sink up a drop more.  Stult. 
No matter, we can squeeze some more out thus: we can wake the Constable, trouble the neighbours, disquiet the Master and whole family, spill his Wine, puff his Tobacco, foul his rooms, practise who shall break most holes, and cleanliest, in the bottom of quart-pots, with a piece of a Tobacco-pipe: cry good morrow mine Host, we ha' made a mad night on't I vow, and so trance; we are no Gallants and we cannot do this.  Lod. 
But this course is either conscionable, or commendable.  Tom. 
Faith 'tis the course, most of the cork-headed Candle-snuffs walk in these latter days, late at nights.  Lod. 
Well, let them rest: So, ho, the Leaguer.  Munk. 
Chi-va-lah.  Lod. 
Amice.  Munk. 
The word.  Lod. 
Pecima largienda.  Munk. 
Let 'em pass: down with the portcullis:  
Lights and attendance, welcome Gentlemen.  Enter julio, Drawer, puss, Bawd. julio. 
I ever said, it might come in a night, that came not in an age, Et ecce noctem faelicem; see, that jovial night is come: They have been playing high, and potting deep: Lights, Wine, and more stools for these Gentlemen; welcome.  Enter Lodowick, Tomaso, Stultissimo, and Fub. Lod. 
Tomaso when's the day?  Stult. 
Assure's this the night before tomorrow, I have brought in my Estate a matter of 400 pound per annum, in Deeds, Leases, Fee-simple, and Copyhold already: and that's no simple Estate you'll say: I mean to bid you welcome to a Leaguer of mine own shortly Gentlemen; some wine you Scoundrels.  Lod. 
I'm pleased to here't, whose faults this, yours Tomaso?  Enter Julio. julio. 
What's this Leaguer raised yet, Par la ho boy, I thought we should have had a second siege of Troy on't, is their Reckoning paid? not a penny, they called for one, but in such a drunken key; I bade 'em sleep upon't, and I would tell 'em more on't when they were sober.  julio. 
Best of all, and what's to pay then?  Draw. 
Nine and six pence, Sir, allowance for lights, linen, coals to light faggots: and six pence for one journeyman's sleep only deducted, and yet they grumbled too.  julio. 
But nine and six pence, and grumble; my friend the reckoning's not paid you say.  Monk. 
Not a penny.  Julio. 
The reckoning but nine and six pence, how poorly this shows, in a Leaguer too, and friends that pretended me a courtesy too? How many joints of meat to supper?  Draw. 
Only a couple of clean Pipes, some three times filled I think.  julio. 
No meat, come to handsel a Leaguer, what no meat? Are they a-bed at Anthony's Ordinary yet?  Draw. 
Two hours ago.  julio. 
Step down, and see, nine and six pence, they must and shall hear more of this: we may go beg, or buy up all the, refuse, broken bread and meat, scraps, offal, and garbage that Cooks shops, Shambles, Ordinaries, Entries, and Rich-men's doors afford; nine and six pence, if they do not hear more of this—  Draw. 
'tis past that time of night; charity's bed, sir, but if not.—  Enter Bread and Meatman. Bread. 
Bread and meat for poor prisoners, Bread & meat.  julio. 
What doth that fellow cry?  Bread. 
Bread and meat for the poor prisoners, bread & meat.  julio. 
For poor prisoners? as fit for my purpose, as a coney for a Pursnet; here, take money, buy his provision by the lump: if I had studied for a fortune to fall upon me, I could not have had a fairer.  Monk. 
Wilt thou victual thy leaguer with scraps, sweet Chuck?  julio. 
No, my sweet Monkey, I have further aims than so, this broken meat and baggage offal, will I strew in my Kitchen, Dressers, Hall, Entries, and every door and draw-window, and perspicuous places about the house: foul all the vessel, three or four times over, all to besmear the rusty spits and dripping-pans; break all my broken glasses, beat the bottom out of my Cans: beat all my foul Tobacco-pipes, into fractions  Monk. 
And to what end all this?  julio. 
Perlahay, My friends shall hear more of that in the reckoning: My sweet Monkey, when the Drunkards shall wake, and see all these ruins, or rather remains of a plentiful leaguer: Oh, hast thou no apprehension? Why, I tell thee, they cannot choose out of their generous bounties, but see all discharged?  
Within. A cup of six, Drawer.  julio. 
Oh, the leaguer begins to rise! Come Monkey a few directions for you in private, give you attendance on the leaguer; let 'em call for what they will, and want nothing they call for: only I will tell 'em no more of nine and six pence in the reckoning.  Monk. 
But for the nine and six pence.  Julio. 
Monkey, you shall hear more of that anon, when they are sober? why Drawer, Dog, Dunghill-raker; is the Leaguer dry? By and by, a cup of six into the low Leaguer, there.  Wake Lodwick, Tomasa, Stultissimo, Fub. Stult. 
So, ho, the Leaguer.  Draw. 
What do ye lack? by and by, do ye call Gentlemen?  Stult. 
No, and I called a Gentleman, he would answer me, I call a Drawer goodman Rascal, art thou one?  Draw. 
For fault of a better, sir.  Lod. 
Couldst not ha' said so then? where's the Master of the Leaguet?  Enter Julio. julio. 
Parlahey Monkey, bene venu Gallants, come a stato Sigiores mio come I stato.  Tom. 
Marry the better for your entertainment; thanks, sir.  Stult. 
Thank him, I scorn to thank him, I'll pay him, and be out of his debt: come, to pay? A reckoning Drawer.  julio. 
You Rascal, who takes away here? here's a house bestrewed with garbage and offal, as if the great Inquest had been feasted, etc.  Stult. 
As good men, to no man's dispraise be it spoken, where's a Bill?  Lod. 
Prithee knock us not down, afore our time; was this certain feast of our making? what a spoil of Poultry has here been? Tomaso, I must be beholding to thee for this ordinary.  Tom. 
Some small trifle Stultissimo, the Reckoning is thought to be.  Stult. 
The Reckoning's very high, nine pound six shillings.  julio. 
Nine pound six shillings, Parlahey, and yet I use you like Christians too boys.  Lod. 
Nine pound six shillings, how could we four devour so much being half drunk when we came in?  Stult. 
Why there's the mystery? you fall asleep with meat in your mouths, my Mistress and I stood it out.  Monk. 
Wast not an excellent Swan-pie? Servant.  Stult. 
As ere swam in Mill-dam.  Lod. 
Nine pound six shillings, one lay out for all,  
Come, your purses Gentlemen.  Stult. 
And you love me, let me have the credit at this time there's: ten pounds, give me the rest again (ah, we had the bravest Marchpane, and Sugar-candy Custard) or do not, let it run on towards fouling of linen, and paying for sawee: the rest again, or do—  julio. 
I do not think but you are sawst pretty well already, for the Devil a bit of meat saw I, and yet all these scraps could not come of nothing.  Stult. 
The Reckoning's paid to a hair, come let's withdraw (but while the Room be a little finificald.  julio. 
Parlahey, welcome Gallants to the Leaguer still: please you withdraw.  All. 
We accept it thankfully.  Lod. 
Whose fault's this yours Tomaso?  Toma. 
There wants lap.  Stult. 
Throw down the pottle pot, let's have a gallon more.  Enter a Fiddler. Fid. 
willt please you Gentlemen, to hear any Music, and a good Song?  Lod. 
Very fain, a good one.  Toma. 
What's your fellows, whose noise are you?  Fid. 
Rubert's noise, and please you?  Lod. 
Call your fellows, and strip your tools.  Tom. 
Here's to you Signior.  Stult. 
A brace of them if you love me.  Toma. 
Marry and shall.  Draw. 
Score a gallon of Claret in the Pomegranate.  Fub. 
What Tim?  Draw. 
Master Fub I rejoice to see you well.  Lod. 
You are not merry Gentlewomen, Mistress Durable what, no mirth?  Draw. 
And how is't, how have you done this seven years, welcome again.  Fub. 
As you see, in perfect memory, when shall we ride the hogsheads?  Draw. 
Ha, do you remember that night, Ancient Thumps health overthrew me, my Master goes out of Town next week; i'faith and you'll come, there's half a dozen good boys, we'll be swinging merry, will give him a crash, old Will, Will be here?  Fub. 
What Will?  Draw. 
Little Will of the Mitre. Oh, Master Fub, Sir, out Maid, that gave us the neat's Tongue is gone.  Fub. 
See, see.  Toma. 
Some Sugar there?  Fiddler. 
Ha, ha, hum.  

In ample stories written 'tis,  
Who list but for to mind it;  
How loved Narcissus?  
Go look and you shall find it.   

This Echo was a Nymph most chaste,  
A lack, the more the pity  
She should be so, and should not reap:  
What follows in my Ditty?   

Narcissus was but young, I wiss,  
But yet of perfect feature,  
And had enough to satisfy  
A reasonable creature.   

His brawny limbs became his parts,  
No one of sense could blame them:  
And so did something else I trow,  
Echo knew how to name them.   Stult. 
A virtuous piece of matter, Gentlemen, we'll no more on't.  Lod. 
Nay, hold up, Signior.  Stult. 
Bid her hold up, fear not me.  Lod. 
Come Gentlewomen, shall we have a dance? Tomaso what say you?  Tom. 
You prevented me.  Stult. 
I thought it should have been my motion?  Fub. 
Wherefore ring those bells?  Stult. 
Bells, you are deceived, it is the clinking of pots.  Lod. 
I would have sworn, it had been Coronation day.  
Masters, can you play us Gascoyne's Whibling?  Fiddler. 
Yes, sir.  Lod. 
Let's ha''t.  Toma. 
Here lacks a couple, we cannot dance it.  Fub. 
Lack a couple, what serve Tim and I for?  Lod. 
'tis true, well remembered.  Draw. 
Truly, Master Fub, I cannot dance.  Fub. 
Truly, you shall learn then.  Draw. 
I shall be willing to endeavour.  Toma. 
Strike.  Stult. 
I'll throw the pot at his head that strikes here,  
whose's that will strike?  He drinks all the while they dance. Stult. 
Rare i'faith, give's more wine.  Boy. 
What, Timothy?  Draw. 
By and by.  Boy. 
Look to the Lion.  He rises and throws down the table. Stult. 
I'll have my Galliard too  Toma. 
You spoil all.  Clar. 
How does your head, sweet heart?  Stult. 
Yes faith, and thank you too, what Rogue's he that turns the Room round? shall we not quench our thirsts before we part?  Lod. 
What else my sweet Signior, this is your servant?  Cla. 
Good enough for a property, he will serve my turn, as well as a better, I shall but use his name: do you think I would marry the Coxcomb, but only for colour and fear of the Law? I'd see him baked first.  Bawd. 
'tis wisely done of you? and so my Gossip Slight could say I warrant you.  Lod. 
Boy, another quart, and bring a Reckoning. Here sir.  Fiddler. 
Heaven keep your Worship.  Lod. 
In honester company.  Stult. 
Fub, call for a looking-glass.  Lod. 
Did you go the right way?  Enter the Drawer. Draw. 
It's a cup of neat wine, I'll assure—  Lod. 
Mistress to yourself, and to our next meeting?  Tom. 
What's to pay?  Draw. 
Nine and six pence, and you're welcome.  Tom. 
How comes that to pass?  Draw. 
Here's seven groats Glasses.  Lod. 
How?  Draw. 
No less, I'll assure your Worship.  Lod. 
Come your money, Signior—  Let's take away and pay together. Stult. 
Fub, discharge it Fub.  Monk. 
Some lights, show the Gentlemen.  Enter and follow with a letter from Vallentius. Stult. 
Fub, I am e'en as full as a Toad.  Fub. 
Yes, sir, but do not spit your venom.  Stult. 
Prithee give me another sip. I am as dry as a Cook.  Fub. 
So I think.  Stult. 
A pox a this megrim.  Lod. 
What's here, I prithee mark Tomaso: Lodwick, I have my desire: fetch me off speedily, lest I cure the Doctor? yours Vallentius, lest I cure the Doctor.  Tom. 
What should he mean by this?  Lod. 
Why, belike he has infused his fit into him, and the Physician's turned Patient?  Tom. 
That's impossible?  Lod. 
But for Valentius.  Tom. 
We must redeem him.  Lod. 
What else.  Tom. 
Heyda, is the wind in that door?  He reels. Fub. 
A link good Tim, a link.  Draw. 
Here's one ready, sir.  Lod. 
Signior, good night.  Fub lights the link. Stult. 
Not a drop more i'faith.  Tom. 
we'll take our leaves.  Clar. 
When shall we see you?  Tom. 
Sometime tomorrow, if my father send not.  Bawd. 
Good night Master Lodwick, good night good, sir.  Fub. 
Good night Tim, remember Friday.  Draw. 
I warrant you, forget not to bring Hugh, Welcome Gentlemen.  Exeunt omnes.  

Actus quartus. Scena prima.  Enter the Doctor and his Wife. Doctor. 
I Speak't in thunder once again, no more: thou Babylonian Strumpet, in thunder I command thee thou lump of sin, no more.  Wife. 
Have patience, sir.  Doct. 
I roar it in thy ears, once more aloud, no more: cannot I deal, but you must be applying, you must be tampering, you must minister: have you not Pills for Potions? do you not traffic? do not you exchange Merchant?  Wife. 
Good Vanderman.  Doct. 
Sorceress, I defy thee, and thy deeds of darkness.  Wife. 
Hear me, sir.  Doct. 
I have heard and seen too much, has he not paid you soundly for your pains: no, has he popped you.  Wife. 
You are deceived.  Doct. 
You say very true, I am deceived indeed, and fubbed, and Gulled, and Rid, and you are Rid too.  Wife. 
What mean you?  Doct. 
Here blow it abroad, there's horns enough to do't.  Wife. 
Why are you thus impatient?  Doct. 
Dainty fine i'faith, very dainty. Whore thou hast made me monstrous, and I may challenge Giants: Yes, he shall be your madman; Do you not like his fits, do you not, do you not?  Enter Thomaso, Lodwick, and Vallentius, Amb. 
God morrow to you both.  Doct. 
Why should this be?  Lod. 
How do you sir? how does your patient?  Doct. 
Are you not satisfied? am I a stale? must you have new-found crotchets?  Lod. 
Do you hear me sir: is he recovered?  Doct. 
Homo Armatus, a man armed.  Lod. 
Have you heard the like?  Tom. 
methinks 'tis excellent.  Doc. 
And when, when shall he plant again?  Lod. 
I wish you would understand me, sir.  Doct. 
Here's a fruitful soil.  Tom: 
Ha, ha.  Lod. 
Sir, I will be heard, and understood:  
Save you Lady:  (he kisses her.) Doct. 
More furies, might, and secrecy, whoredom and The every bring all to confusion.  Tom. 
Would we had more of this: we'll see what will come of all.  Lod. 
I perceive Vallentius was i'th' right, he's mad indeed:  Wife. 
Good Morrow Gentlemen: I have good news for you; your friend is well.  Lod. 
Your tidings makes us happy, and gives us a moiety of that content which nothing can do more.  Toma. 
I shall rejoice to see him what he was, and Master of that temper he commanded, when he did dare the vaunting Bajazet for taxing his belief.  Enter Vallentius. Val. 
Tomaso, Lodwick.  Lod. 
Valentius.  Toma. 
I am glad to see you once again yourself.  Lod. 
You're welcome to your wits.  Val. 
When time and place shall serve, my wit shall thank you I am ever bound to you sweet Lady.  Tom. 
Hark you Lodwick, are not we partly Bawds?  Lod. 
Faith in one kind, we have a snatch that way.  Tom. 
So I say partly.  Lod. 
I must confess, partly.  Val. 
Not remember you, have not that bad opinion, do not think I can be one so false by this kiss.  Doct. 
Sibylla.  (He calls within.) Wife. 
Ay me, my husband.  Val. 
Once again and part.  Doct. 
Sibylla.  Wife. 
Farewell, Valentius.  Val. 
A thousand take with thee.  Tom. 
What, hungry still Vallentius, that you cast such a greedy eye that way?  Lod. 
How is't man? what in a trance?  Val. 
And kinder far than fair.  Lod. 
What, shall we have a Pamphlet; that he begins to study? do you hear Valentius: here's a friend of yours would speak with you, when you are at leisure.  Val. 
I crave your pardon Gentlemen, as I live she is—  Lod. 
What's this to the purpose?  Exeunt. Enter Julio, and the Mercer with his man. Mer. 
You know my price: for the fineness of the silk, the working of the stuff, and the pleasantness of the colour, the whole street shall not afford you a better, I'll assure you 'tis died in grain.  Julio. 
The better for him that shall wear it, nothing but what's in grain can please him: let me see, I know not how my money will reach: the Silkman hath emptied my pocket this morning, but you will bate nothing of your price?  Mer. 
I protest sir, I cannot, and save by it, and I know you would not wish me to be a loser.  julio. 
By no means, I would have every man to live & thrive by what he professeth, it is mine own case: let me see, I cannot make up the sum, I pray you let one of your men step over to the next lane: I lie there at the Barbers, I'll dispatch him presently.  Mer. 
My servants are all busy for the present, you see my shop is full of Customers, and every one striveth who shall be first served.  julio. 
And I am in haste too, for I have sent for my Tailor to meet me at my lodging, and I am loath to disappoint him, because I would have his opinion in the stuff.  Mer. 
I pray you, sir, be expeditious, and my man shall be with you by that time you have told out the money.  julio. 
I am much obliged to you as a stranger, I care not if I accept—  Mer. 
Dispatch me that Customer quickly, and follow this Gentleman to his lodging: you hear where he lies.  julio. 
Yes, at the next turning?  mercer's man. 
I'll but fold up this boult of Satin, and be with him instantly.  julio. 
Turn by the next lane, and thou shalt be sure not to miss it, though thou findest not me, I have took sufficient order and you shall be sure to be satisfied.  Mer. 
We have many cheapeners, but few buyers, many such customers as this would make quick riddance.  mercer's man. 
What comes the sum to, sir.  Mer. 
Three yards of Satin and a half at seventeen, eight yards of Plush at four and twenty; nay, there are divers other parcels, the sum is soon cast up: thou shalt have a note of all.  mercer's man. 
And I'll but fold up these few bolts lie loose, and clear the counter and be gone.  Mer. 
Be quick there.  Exeunt. Enter the Barber and Julio. julio. 
But thou must be secret.  Barb. 
As yourself, Sir.  julio. 
A pretty handsome youth, and will be loath to discover himself, being extremely bashful, and will make it strange.  Barb. 
Leave him to me, I'll persuade him that I knew him, ere I saw him.  julio. 
he's my Kinsman, next Cousin German's by the Mother's side; now playing the Wag, as many youths will do, you know it Barber.  Barb. 
Very well, it hath been many a good man's case.  julio. 
He hath got a clap.  Barb. 
These claps are got by clapping.  julio. 
But for one thing, never should it grieve me, I fear it might go ne'er to spoil his marriage, which I would not for more than I'll speak.  Barb. 
You show yourself a Kinsman.  julio. 
Now his excuse will be (as I told thee he's extremely bashful) to inquire for a Gentleman that owes his Master money, to comply with the old Proverb, Though his excuse be draff, yet drinks his errand.  Barb. 
And lotion must be used.  julio. 
As it shall seem best: but thinkst thou he'll endure it.  Barb. 
'Twill put him to some pain.  julio. 
Which I'll not hear, my heart's so tender o'er him: when he comes (as long he will not stay) take him in charge, Thy pains shall be well paid, for doubt not but I'll come to the conclusion.  Barb. 
Very good, sir?  julio. 
My hope is it will succeed according to my wishes.  Barb. 
Make no doubt of that, sir.  julio. 
If I had, I had not made choice of thee above any other.  Barb. 
You are my friend indeed: and so I hope to keep you.  julio. 
I will withdraw for the present, and instantly return.  Barb. 
Now good speed with you, good customers are thick sowed, and come up but thin. It is good to make much of them, when we have them. This should be the patient, that he talked off.  Enter mercer's man. mercer's man. 
I come to seek a Gentleman.  Barb. 
You do: that owes your Master's money.  Mer. man. 
Very true, sir, you know my errand then.  Barb. 
Before you came.  Mer. man. 
The Gentleman belike hath told it you.  Barb. 
He hath indeed.  Mer. man. 
Is he within?  Barb. 
But before he went, left order with me, you should be dispatched.  Mer. man. 
Then I shall find him as good as his word: he hath acquainted you with my occasions.  Barb. 
I'll assure you that, and intends well towards you, I pray come near into the withdrawing Room.  Mer. man. 
I'll wait on you, pray know you what it comes too.  Barb. 
Yes youth, I know, wherefore you come: pray rest you in that chair, and I'll be for you presently; be not ashamed, you are not the first, nor shall be the last, that meet with these disasters: and now come, pray show me your commodity.  Mer. man. 
The commodity belongs, sir, to my Master, 'twas not mine.  Barb. 
Are his in danger too? let him not fear, but if he have not let it run too far, there may be help found: nay, come, will you show?  Mer. man. 
Mean you the note: there are the parcels sent.  Barb. 
These parcels may in time grow great, come, will you be ruled, the Gentleman your Kinsman, told me before, how bashful you would be; and it becomes you well: but for your parcels, show them in time: for if delay be long, that little which perhaps you shall have left, in time will come to nothing: your Kinsman's loath that you should spoil your Marriage?  Mer. man. 
Spoil my Marriage, spoil not my Master's debt, Neither draw these fearful tricks on me: I need them not, pay me the money that your friend hath left, Dispatch me so, for Kinsman I have none; And honest Barber find some else to sport with, make me none of your Gulls?  Barb. 
But I pray say.  Mer. man. 
I say, pay me sir, what's my due, & what by your confession, your friend left, or bring me to the party, or commodity he late had of my Master, or Coin for't: you have confessed him to be your friend, therefore for him must answer.  Barb. 
By your favour, no more friend of mine, than you found him, to claim Kindred: my acquaintance with him, yet is scarce a full hour.  Mer. man. 
You are Confederates, and so I fear that I shall find you: You know my errand, & promised me dispatch: Why am I not dispatched then?  Barb. 
My meaning was to give you a Sering, or an incision Knife, Of which he told me you did stand in need: Indeed I deal in such commodities, And am acquainted what such parcels mean: For other wares or money due for them, I know not what belongs to't.  Mer. man. 
Satisfy my Master so, quit me, and clear thyself; or 'twill fall foul upon thee.  Barb. 
Willingly: my cloak boy, I'll along, yet am afraid That he who had professed himself thy Kinsman, and my dear friend, will prove thy Master's x.  Exeunt. Enter Lodwick, Tomaso, Stulitssimo, Monkey, Puss, etc. Puss. 
Give you joy Master Stultissimo; give you joy.  Stult. 
You talk like Gentlemen, and I like your talk the better, because you talk to a Gentlemen; you call me Stultissimo, and I say, Stultorum plena sunt omnia: and now I talk to you like a Gentleman and a Scholar.  Gent. 
All health and joy betide you.  Stult. 
Gramercy Gentlemen, I am not now the man, I was in the morning; I did rise single, I return double: in the Meridian but Worshipful, in the afternoon Honourable before Sunset, and who knows but Majestical before midnight: nay I persuade myself I am so: am I not sweet Monkey?  Monk. 
Thou art my dear Baboon.  Stult. 
Very pretty names in faith: I prithee let's interchange them still betwixt us: or Marmoset, or ape's face.  Monk. 
Yes, yes, by any means.  Stult. 
All thy goods and chattels, thy movables, and the stuff that belongs thereto, thy utensils and implements; now are all mine.  Monk. 
They are, to have and to hold.  Puss. 
Yes, as long as ye can keep them.  Stult. 
I have purchased thee in thy proper person by my word, but all thy other omnium gathrum, beforenamed, by my deeds, I think thou hast them to show.  Tom. 
The mind gives sometimes words unto the tongue, and makes it speak perforce, bear with him Lodwick.  Lod. 
Let the doctor's wife bear with him, for mine own part, without he renounce this mood, and become sociable, as he had wont, I defy his fellowship.  Tom. 
Will you dine with me Vallentius?  Val. 
Yes, shall we be merry?  Lod. 
O is the tide turned, is the wind come about, by this good day, and I were not cursing myself, for being accessary to this melancholy, I have no faith in me; if women can transmute men thus suddenly, hang me, if I keep not out of their clutches.  Val. 
Gallants, shall we walk? I have a story for ye: prithee Lodwick frown not, be a friend indeed, and see not my defects, I have a tale shall make you laugh anon, and will excuse my blame; prithee be thyself, be jocund man.  Lod. 
Nay, I am soon persuaded.  Val. 
Where shall we be?  Tom. 
At the old house.  Val. 
Come then, I'll make you laugh I swear.  Enter Franciscus in disguise. Fran. 
Thus by degrees, with hazard of my life, have I attained unto my wishes' rest; and boldly gaze thee Venice in the face: the time has been, Oh, but that time is past, when I was more familiar with thy pomp, but all that bliss is gone: And murder now, has with a crimson stain sealed me accurst, and like a condemned guilty Fugitive; I wander in despair; fearing the rustle of the harmless bird, and the flies clamour, the Ant, the Wasp, and every lesser thing, Dreadless of danger, strays abroad for food; Not caring who behold them, But I, alas, of all; am most unhappy: Would I were dead, and past the fear of that, Makes me thus Cowish. Who art thou com'st here, more needy than myself?  Enter Julio poor. julio. 
Where might I run to meet destruction, And set a period on my wretchedness? Stern misery I know, and feel thee now: Yet is the earth content to bear my weight, And suffer what proud man disdains to know, Unless to spit upon, or add to that, Which wanteth no extreme.  Fran. 
I cannot hold: his voice, his humour, I dare swear as much, 'tis he; 'Tis he by heaven, my julio.  julio. 
Franciscus, preserver of my life; O let me kiss the ground whereon thou treadest, then rise to thank thee.  Fran. 
That I could spend myself to tears for joy, bear witness you that know it: julio, for ever dwell within these arms of mine, thou truest among men, I have not power to question thee, my danger, my joy is so excessive; run all to spoil, & terror meet with terror; I fear none my Julio.  Julio. 
Strike when thou wilt proud death, I dare thee now; For having what I wished, I wish no more, nor would entreat time to defer a minute to have him rest an age, since all things must have end, end it at once, my prayer is confirmed, I have seen you ere I die.  Fran. 
And if you love me wish me not that wrong by praying for your end: do not quite undo me, if you but knew my heart, my Julio, you would not crave't again: I could have comfort now, and clean forget the dangers I have passed, and those pursue me still: nothing to come can half so much dismay, as thou dost comfort; be it sudden death or torture worse than it: but for your sake, would in my womb I had been strangled, and never drawn this air.  Julio. 
Where art thou Conscience? whither hast thou took Since thou didst leave man's breast? that we should all have mothers; Wisdom all, yet all contemn her precepts: when you first fled, and by commandment from the Senate house, your ships and lands were seized on for the State, those that which stayed them did appear so near, as if their blood had tied them to your service, grew so forgetful in a moment's space, that neither argument, nor extreme signs could win them to belief there had been such, as what you were to them: I (as no less I could) bound to't by duty, spoke your merits still, and did maintain your right, on the Allies of your inconstant wife: but I am poor for't, truth was still despised, and less I could not be.  Fran. 
Take all I have: had I my former wealth,  
My bounty could not recompense thy worth,  
And pour it all before thee (my dear julio:)  
Be not impatient with thy sufferance, he's above will pay thee all  
My debts, though I should perish now.  
Contemned for me? alack, alack, if there be such  
A thing in Charity, be charitable: do not curse the cause  
Of this thy present want, I do beseech thee do not thou julio?  
I prithee answer me, and either do what I have wished,  
Or cure the wound thou hast made.  Iul. 
Good sir no more: do not call all the tears out of mine eyes; think who I am: would you did but know.  Fran. 
I will not urge thee further:  
Shall we here combine, and shape our course alike,  
And never, never part; yet pardon me,  
I will not wish thee so much injury  
To be unknown of woman.  julio. 
You wish me not so well, howe'er you wish, if you wish otherwise: your misery be mine, and my enduring yours; one grave receive our bones; and he that says this Sepulchre is mine, call it Francisco's Tomb.  Fran. 
I have a habit for thee yet unknown, or worn,  
But by myself: 'tis not a Furlong from the Antique Beech,  
Whose hollow sides conceals it: bide but here,  
Till I can reach it from the hidden place,  
And take it for thine own: though homely,  
Yet the coarseness will keep warm,  
And ward the sharpest blast.  julio. 
You bind me to my prayers.  Fran. 
I'll be with thee straight.  julio. 
Ignorant honesty, shallow Italian, yes, live a wretch: Canst thou be so fond to think me of that mettle? hast thou eyes, and mayst, yet will not see how thou art o'er-reach: yes, do continue innocent, do, and die a fool, my friend, my friend, my very loyal friend, all friendship I forswear, save outward signs, which with my garment I cast nightly off. The father of the slain Antonio promises liberally by Proclamation to any that can bring Francisco forth. I will betray him, I will be the man shall purchase the reward: What way I curses, or care for the report the multitude shall clamour therein. I'll imitate the Lawyer, making bad words my gain. Franciscus thou wast born for my advancement: he's sunk himself, and fruitless is the hope depends on that which was, and not which is; give me the present, not precedent man. Let me not hanker for emergency, but take the instant sway, the published recompense is mine, 'tis said, 'tis mine.  Franciscus puts a coat upon him. Fran. 
That any should be false— But were there no dross, gold could not be esteemed, nor nothing precious rare. Cornelia let me forget that name and nothing else.  julio. 
It is a month and more since she left Venice.  Fran. 
Would I had left the world when I first saw her.  Julio. 
And the same minute did Phemone forsake her friends and kindred: but where or whither they have betook themselves the most knowing but conjecture.  Fran. 
How easy could we make our miseries, if we might live and die when't pleased ourselves?  julio. 
These strange additions to my news I add, Antonio's Carcase never could be found since yours and his contention.  Fran. 
I left him dead: thou art still just; some beast has made that fouler beast his prey, and made up my revenge: but come with me, let us withdraw unto you thicket by, and speak at large that woeful history commixed of my proceedings, and pursueth; wilt time's our own.  julio. 
I would provide me of some necessaries, small in expense, which make a mighty miss, and health cries out to have: so if you please but let me fit my present want, at my return enjoin me to your will, though it continue to the latest date, and I am serviceable.  Fran. 
Speak no more such words, but make your own content: yet good julio be not absent long, make me not long to see thee.  julio. 
Such shall be my speed, you will not wish me sooner to return.  Fran. 
Not wish thee? yes, though thou shouldst make return ere thou depart.  Iul. 
Mark the end.  Fran. 
Be brief, and goodness take with thee. This julio, if desert might purchase Fame, deserves sufficient: but thou art partial Fortune in cramming Buzzards, whilst the Eagle starves: How many in this fertile Italy, whom Nature moulded when she loathed her task, and blew her seed among the ignorant, hast thou adorned with plenty? whilst seemly virtue, wracked with poverty, jets under base control: There's no felicity, nor true content here upon earth: The Spider builds his Web in Barns and Palaces: and the Prince himself tastes gall as honey: Happiness there's none, for lest or greatest: Here my grief so parches me, that it does pain me to relate my woes, and make my feelings known. Beneath this Hill a clear and pleasant fountain curls along, whose shallowness makes the small pebbles 'pear above like Rocks, and murmur as she runs down to the silver Current, thither will I high, and borrow so much of her watery store, as will assuage my thirst:  
All things are kind,  
And feed our wants when they themselves are pined.  Enter julio and Pusse. Iul. 
Now my caterwauling puss, how didst thou like my last Cheat? did I not fool them finely?  Pusse. 
Thou art the very mere Mephostophelus, and I persuade myself thou hast new vampt thy wits.  julio. 
Tush these are nothing: I have cheated one of the bravest Statesmen of the world; the very quintessence of Spain: Nay, I have fooled him who boasted in his Country, he had gulled all our Nation A Gelding is not rid in the horse-fair, but he is mine to ride, maugre his Master's teeth. I have outfaced a fellow of his horse in the open Market, sold him before his face; & but making a question whether he trots or ambles, ride away both with the horse and money, my puss. Sweet monkey look to the house at home, I must abroad again, to fetch in a new purchase.  Pusse. 
mayst thou thrive according to thy will, and to my wishes.  Exeunt. Enter Stultissimo, Lodwick, Tomaso, and two sergeants. 1. Serg. 
And what's your Action?  Stult. 
Three hundred pound: be you ready to snap him, and not to escape you without good bail: he's as slippery as an Eel.  2 Serg. 
Therefore we'll take him by the shoulder, and not by the tail; and so we shall be sure to hold him. But can you show us the man?  Tom. 
This is his walk, and without waiting long you may spy him.  1 Serg. 
Say but that's he, and 'tis enough.  Lod. 
Stand as close as you can: If he have but the least suspicion of an arrest, he's gone in a twinkling.  2 Ser. 
But will not you stay and assist us?  Stult. 
By no means; I'll but see him in hucksters handling, and be gone. Are you not paid your Fees aforehand, and— That's he now: Now let him scape upon your own peril. Farewell.  Exeunt. Enter julio. 1 Serg. 
If he do, say no more: Yeoman stand to me.  julio. 
Now let me see: whom shall I next encounter?  1 Serg. 
Marry the Counter sir: for we arrest you.  julio. 
Ha, Counterfeits so nigh?  2 Serg. 
Yet currant enough to carry you to prison.  julio. 
And yet your countertenor sounds but like scurvy Music: am I catched then? I pray you at whose suit?  1 Serg. 
At three men's suit.  julio. 
Then three merry men, and three merry men be we, are we not honest Sergeants? well, there's a piece to begin withal: let's talk further of the business.  1 Serg. 
You speak well sir, if you hold on as you begin: and if you can find good bail, ten to one but we shall prove as you late called us (Honest Sergeants.)  julio. 
methinks you do not speak like Varlets:  Enter a grave Doctor in serious discourse with a gentleman. Gent. 
May it please you, sir, to employ mine industry For any further service?  Doct. 
Something more,  
Which in my former Letter I forgot,  
I would entreat you bear in memory:  
And that's but this—  They whisper. julio. 
And in good time: Know you that reverend man?  1 Serg. 
Know him sir, yes, for a worthy Doctor.  julio. 
He's mine own Uncle: will you take his word.  
And make it to me as a free discharge?  
If he but say (nay there's another piece)  
I'll see you satisfied?  2 Serg. 
Yes could we hear him say so: for he's one whose word will not be questioned.  julio. 
'Tis enough:  
Give me but so much leave as speak unto him,  
All I'll keep in fair distance: on my life,  
If he say not I'll see you satisfied,  
I will return your prisoner.  1 Serg. 
'Tis enough: for so far we dare trust you: you have paid for't well: but we will watch him at an inch.  julio. 
I know he will not suffer me to lie  
For such a petty sum: Now brain or never.  
Excuse my boldness Sir: though it be scarce manners,  
To interrupt your serious conference.  Doct. 
With me sir is your business?  julio. 
Such a business,  
Which as it toucheth me in Charity,  
So should it you in Conscience.  Doct. 
Speak it pray.  Julio. 
Look well on these two men.  1 Serg. 
He points at us.  julio. 
The one is an arch Brownist, and the other  
Cannot endure to see a surplice worn:  
Subject indeed to no conformity;  
Yet both so well persuaded of your learning,  
And spotless life, that what you shall propose  
theyare willing to subscribe too.  Doct. 
I am as ready to give them my instructions.  Julio. 
And please you say so, that they may hear you sir.  Doct. 
Well I will:  
My honest friends, and please you to have the patience  
Till I have ended with this gentleman,  
And instantly I'll see you satisfied.  1 Serg. 
It is enough grave sir.  julio. 
Now honest Sergeants: what desire you more?  2 Serg. 
Nothing from you sir.  julio. 
I hope so honest Sergeant: you see I deal fairly.  
Farewell my honest Sergeants.  Exit. Doct. 
I have told you all: only remember me to these my noble friends.  Gent. 
With all the art  
My weak tongue can deliver.  Exit Gentleman. 1 Sergeant. 
So, he is now at leisure.  Doct. 
And now I come to you.  1 Serg. 
Most welcome, sir, we stay for the same purpose.  Doct. 
Now, tell me briefly, which of you is the Brownist?  
which the other, cannot endure a Surplice?  2 Serg. 
You are pleasant, sir,  
We wait here, hoping to be satisfied.  Doct. 
And to that end I stay, for these opinions  
So erroneous and so gross.  1 Serg. 
Sir, all the opinion that we hold is that you will pay us the money.  Doct. 
Still obstinate in error; 'tis this money,  
And worldly care on which so much you dote:  
Breeds in you these distractions.  1 Serg. 
Please you to pay the money, you shall find us conformable in all things.  Doct. 
Money my friends, are not you Sectaries?  2 Serg. 
Sectaries; no, sir, we are Sergeants.  Doct. 
Sergeants; and wait for me? I owe you money?  1 Serg. 
Yes, sir, for your Nephew that was with you but now, and told you of it; & we heard you say, you would see us satisfied.  Doct. 
The man's to me a stranger I protest,  
And his request was I should satisfy you  
In some points of Religion.  1 Serg. 
Religion, sir, 'tis a theme we seldom think of,  
But three hundred pound is money.  Doct. 
But I tell you,  
I passed my word for counsel not for coin,  
And this is all that you from me can have:  
Endure a Surplice, and beware a Knave.  Exit. 2 Serg. 
Had we not warning sufficient of this before?  1 Serg. 
Well, howsoever, we have had good counsel,  
If we had the grace to follow it.  Exeunt.  

Actus quintus. Scena prima.  Enter Arbaces, and Julio in good apparel, with three or four with weapons. Julio. 
ASsure me of the promised recompense, I'll bring you to his presence.  Arba. 
Hear me a word.  They whisper aside. Enter Vallentius, Lod wick, Tomaso, Stultissimo and Fub. Val. 
Now Signior, how do you feel you self? How like you marriage?  Stult. 
Faith it's a pretty quaint thing, and there's much good sport belongs to't, would I were unmarried again?  Lod. 
Why? are you weary of Clariflora already?  Stult. 
Weary no, but I would have store.  Fub. 
Hark you, sir, take my counsel; though store be no sore, meddle with no more of them, lest you make me a Prophet, and get many a sore head by the match: have you not heard the ancient saying, No man can serve two masters?  Lod. 
That's true, but any man may serve two Mistresses.  Fub. 
And serve their turns well.  Lod. 
Nay, I'll leave that to the performer.  Fub. 
Hark you Master Lodwick, you or any man may think he does well, and yet come short.  Lod. 
Briefly, directly, and learnedly spoken, sweet Fub.  Fub. 
I speak by proof.  Lod. 
Go to, you are a Knave Fub.  Fub. 
Hold your peace, there's more in the company.  Val. 
Well said, i'faith, thank him Lodwick.  Fub. 
It's not worth it, though I should say as much by you.  Tom. 
This fellow flows with wit.  Stult. 
Gallants, when were you at Court? I have been desired thither forty times, my wife (I think) has a hundred friends there: besides Cooks and Pantlers, that she has had many a good thing of, and they have sworn to bid me welcome for her sake.  Val. 
You may see what comes by marriage?  Fub. 
If we might see all that comes by marriage, there would be old butting abroad?  Arba. 
Here's the sum, perform thy word, and claim it.  Val. 
Good morrow, good Arbaces.  julio. 
Make me not known to these?  Arba. 
Vallentius.  Val. 
He?  Arba. 
Are you not mad, I heard no less of late.  Lod. 
Report's a calumnious quean, and will abuse virtue itself you see, both what he is, and what he was?  Arba. 
I am not sorry, that I am deceived: hear you not of Franciscus.  Exit Arbaces with Julio, and the Watch. Val. 
Upon my credit nothing.  Arba. 
Fair be your company, come Gentlemen.  Lod. 
What's he that throws his Cloak about his nose?  
Is it not julio?  Tom. 
By all exterior seeming?  Val. 
My life 'tis he?  Lod. 
What should this mean?  Val. 
I was asking that.  Tom. 
Marked you Arbaces: he hath some drift in hand.  Val. 
Did you not note his followers?  Lod. 
Yes, and the Arms they carried.  Val. 
Shall we trace them, sirs? and leave our wonder: I dare gauge my life, the knowledge will deserve the industry?  Tom. 
You speak my words.  Lod. 
He named Franciscus.  Val. 
Yes, and questioned me.  Tom. 
Withal, observed you but his speed.  Val. 
Come, we will pursue him.  Stult. 
La, la, la, la: nay, I pray take me with you Gentlemen.  Fub. 
If not for company, for mirth's sake, take heed before there.  Enter Franciscus alone. Fran. 
In mighty men how great appears the virtue ne'er so small; how small the vice, though mighty Philosophy, they rules bridles my cogitations, and prolongs, what manhood would disdain, the time to come appalls my courage and strikes instant fears through every nerve and artery: might we like beasts end when we die, and never make account in no other place then here: what heart so base would fear the threatning Law? Flatter the Judge to save him: I would not sure: but there is bliss and torment much to come, we cannot think on't yet the Resurrection awes me, I am much distempered, and want of company, begets in me millions of terrors: julio tarries long, my Orisons secure him, could the tears wash the blood but of my hands, my mind were something free.  Enter Julio muffled, Arbaces and a Guard. Julio. 
This is the place, and there Franciscus walks.  Arba. 
Where?  julio. 
That's he: apprehend him, I'll not be seen in't.  Arba. 
Your office, sir.  Fran. 
What are these for men.  Arba. 
Lay hands upon him.  Fran. 
What mean you friends?  Constable. 
This we mean to attach you, as a murderer.  Fran. 
Arbaces, I am betrayed.  Arba. 
Look to the homicide, such mercy as a Tiger yields his prey, when he's pinched for want of what's his booty, expect from me thou murderer.  Fran. 
None I have deserved, or am about to crave, I know the worst, my life thou canst but have, 'Tis thine; I make a tender of it ere the sentence come, & give thy labour ease, alas, poor julio: thou wilt unfriended, run thy future race without society, I pity thee my friend more than myself, danger to me is such, I do expect and dread not. Fare thee well, my breach of promise, is not with my will, but merely on constraint.  Enter the Gentlemen. Arba. 
Lead him hence.  Lod. 
Here they are.  Val. 
Who have we here bound to the good behaviour? Franciscus!  Lod. 
My dear friend.  Tom. 
My brother.  Arba. 
Officers, why do you linger thus, away with him?  Val. 
How fare you, sir?  Fran. 
Sick, sick to death Vallentius: shall we hence?  Exit Franciscus with guard. Tom. 
I now behold my fear, when I did hear Arbaces speak of him.  Val. 
Something of badness shoot me instantly, but he does pierce me through.  Lod. 
Good Gentleman.  Tom. 
Has he resided here since he first fled?  Val. 
I thought him now in Milan, where he did traffic much.  Lod. 
I wonder how he came to be discovered?  Tom. 
Beshrew my blood, I pity his estate.  Val. 
Will you accord with me, show that respect you once did tender him, and withal willingness strive to invent a means may do him ease.  Lod. 
What, my sword, my word, or wealth can do is his, command it for him?  Val. 
Let us petition to his rough adversary, and like true Suppliants in our own behalfs, draw mercy from Arbaces.  Tom. 
Agreed.  Val. 
About it then, and our intentions thrive. Manet Julio.  julio. 
The gold is mine, his certain bondage does assure me it, why should I be an Ass, and nicely stand on that no Tradesman does: no thrifty one, what conscience, any thing but such a word: our wise divines that preach an't, know it not, nor make good use of that, or ought they say, but of good money: this I daily see, and sometime make my daily meditation, all's Ceremony composed for purpose:  
But be it what it will, this is my grace,  
If not for one, I'm for the other place.  Enter the Duke of Venice, two Senators, Crissipus, Arbaces, Vallentius, Tomaso, Lodwick, Clarke, and others. Duke. 
Bring the offender forth.  Cris. 
Have mercy, good my Lord.  Duke. 
Believe't thou mayst sooner move a rock, which neither blustering wind, nor boisterous Sea could shake or swallow, then beget remorse or smallest favour in so foul a case: I were unjust, and much unmeet to be the man I am, should we show mercy where the crime deserves, beyond the laws extent. He that shall pardon murder, take't from me, is accessary to the guilty deed, and stands in self predicament: Heaven defend we should be such, were he my Nephew, nay, my firstborn son, or one more near: let me not be blessed in my proceedings, if our Authority should blind his sin, or alter justice course, set him forth: what favour equity can yield be his, no more expect Crisippus.  Enter Officers with Franciscus. Pri. Sen. 
Read the indictment.  Fran. 
Save that pains, guilty, nor do repent, that in my wrath I did, whereof I stand convict.  Duke. 
Art thou not sorry for thy heinous crime?  Fran. 
No mighty sir, but rather joy the more, in that it breviates my passage here, which I would willingly leave.  Arba. 
Impudent homicide: justice good my Lord, with that severity which they deserve, which wilfully commit—  Duke. 
Arise, thou needst not kneel, nor beg for justice, be assured Arbaces: such his deservings, such his punishment, and cruel as the cause, thou most brutish man, nay, beast or something worse: hadst thou no humanity, no spark of reason then, nor sense, to think thy trespass foul and ugly? dost not repent thy tyranny in death, though not the deed itself: fie on thee monster, hast thou a foul and dreadst not her perdition: what heathen savage, nay, what ruder thing, having the life thou soughtst, would have enacted such a deed of ruth, as thou, thou worst of creatures, on the image and liveless carcase of thy loving friend.  Pri. Sen. 
'Twas most uncivil, most unchristianly.  2 Sen. 
An act, a Tiger would not have performed, on one that had slain his brood.  Fran. 
Hear me good my Lord.  Arba. 
My poor Antonio.  Fran. 
That I did take his life, I have confessed, what further accusations laid on me, is merely malice, and proceed from some, could wish my torment worse.  Arba. 
Out on thee butcher: give me leave my Lord.  Clerk. 
Silence.  Duke. 
Canst thou deny thy wrathful cruelty, impetuous tyranny, and fell revenge upon his bleeding trunk?  Fran. 
Unless I should belie myself, and speak like a vain boaster, more than what I did, I must say this is false, and he's from truth, as far as I am from hope of life, begot this slander.  Duke. 
Produce your proof Arbaces, strike blushes through the cheeks of this false man, and let him see his shame.  Fran. 
What Devil should be raised from the lowest hell, to justify this wrong?  Tom. 
This is strange.  Lod. 
I never thought Franciscus one so foul, as I behold him now.  Val. 
Not thought, I durst have sworn him of a purer mettle, and better temper far.  Enter Julio and Arbaces. julio. 
Prosperity to the Venetian State.  Fran. 
julio: he's not his proof I hope.  Duke. 
Is this the Gentleman?  Arba. 
This is he my Lord.  Duke. 
Make room, give way there.  Fran. 
How comes this about?  2 Sen. 
The fact's confessed, my Lord, what need we further wade into the Law, or heap on troubles which we may eschew, upon so plain a case? the crime is Murder, Murder is confessed, then as you find the guilt, proceed to judgement, and make no further question.  Duke. 
We shall be sudden.  Fran. 
My sentence, good my Lord.  Duke. 
Speak, sir, can you report any thing more touching this business then what already is delivered here in the open Court.  julio. 
No more or less, then what his own tongue uttered, can I or have to say.  Fran. 
How's that?  julio. 
We were once friends: once had I such opinion of his virtues, my life and estimation were both his, he might command them, much it were to speak of all that passed between us: thus in short, I would some other were compelled to this, which you have tied me too, my nearest friend alive.  Duke. 
Arbaces: was this the man gave you first notice where this Murderer kept?  Arba. 
The same my Lord.  Fran. 
Did he betray me? can this be.  2 Sen. 
Forward.  1 Sen. 
Speak.  julio. 
Must we be enforced, what should I speak, he slew him, ripped his bowels, mangled him, and in his wrath, as man will any thing: tumbled his reeking quarters down a Vault most steep and loathsome: what of this, he might deserve much worse austerity, yet this was bad enough?  Fran. 
Ha?  Arba. 
Justice, gracious Prince, justice, justice, sir.  Duke. 
Is this truth?  julio. 
Let me be deposed—  Lod. 
The most erroneous, execrable part that ever was performed.  Val. 
Were he my father, should forget himself, and match this outrage, mercy quite forsake me if I would sue his pardon.  Tom. 
It was ruthless, fell, and bloody.  Duke. 
Look not up for shame, thou hast no interest there.  Fran. 
I have done wrong, mighty, mighty wrong.  Duke. 
Canst thou behold it now?  Fran. 
Pardon me father, pardon good Arbaces: that villain, that foul villain.  Enter Antonio, Cornelia, Phemone, and Shepherd. Antonio. 
'Twas time to come.  Cor. 
Show mercy, mercy, Duke.  Phe. 
Pity our complaints, have some compassion.  Duke. 
What are these that make this earnest deprecation, with such a hearty zeal; are they well known to this assembly?  Tom. 
Cornelia, sister.  Val. 
Fair Phemone.  Cris. 
When will these humid fountains be dried up, and yield no more warm drops?  Cor. 
My sweet Franciscus.  Fran. 
Some good or bad thing fell me suddenly, let me behold no more.  Duke. 
Is that his wife?  Val. 
She was my Lord, while some hard fate disjoined their mutual league, and burst the holy concord.  Fran. 
Wilt thou pardon me and live a happy one, when I am dead, and leapt in this cold earth.  Cor. 
Franciscus I was ever true to you.  Fran. 
I see it, and believe: that villain, oh, that villain!  Duke. 
Harken thy sentence.  Fran. 
Hear me my good Lord, little I have to say, yet too much grief tend my few words, this traitor, nay, 'tis title all too good for one so heinous foul, that he is perjured, by the death I owe his latest words do witness what he is more, and worse: with pardon Lords, I shall delate at large, that all hereafter may example take, and shun a villain's snare; I took him up, when like an Adder in the frosty dew, the cold had starved him: that I had set my foot upon his head, when to my bosom I did take the Serpent, not cherished, comforted long had he been, but he both bit and stung me: foolish man I was to be so fond, not many months, nor happy days I had with this most truest, most immaculate piece, but that perfidious Caitiff, that black fiend by strange suggestions, and invented projects, draws me into a confirmed jealousy, that she had stained her honour, falsely played with young Antonio.  Anton. 
O forgive me heaven, what is this?  Fran. 
I from my wrong conceived, lest could I not, Drew him apart into a silent Grove, Having before vowed solemnly revenge, Where I made some repetition of my grief: he still (I see him) innocent gentleman, taking my words For such as Lovers use, when they are wanton, Smiles me in the face, and would not thing 'twas anger.  Ant. 
'tis truth he speaks.  Fran. 
This enkindled me, and as Boar,  
When he does chaw his foam, predicts some mischief,  
So my bended front foretell his ruin,  
Forth I drew my sword, and sheathed it  
Within his breast, what else is added,  
He's a Jew avers, and falser than a whore.  julio. 
See, see the age's wickedness: can it be possible?  
O miserable time, when men make no more reckoning of their souls! Fie, fie, Francisco, think upon your end, and whither you must go. Most reverend Fathers, observe you this his contumacy: I shall I fear be forced to speak what in my heart till now I chested, and ribbed in, because mine oath, 'twas not my will hath here constrained me to expose his blame, my soul had vowed to hide; Note into malice how he throws himself, and would stain my reputation with a calumnious lie.  Fran. 
Art thou a man, or something else; oh fool, fool.  Ant. 
Is this possible?  Duk. 
Give ear unto thy sentence.  They talk in private. Ant. 
I must, in—  Duke. 
Did not I say he's mad, stark raving mad, away with him. The man's alive that's dead.  Val. 
Yes, they supped together: I love this fellow.  julio. 
Your Grace shall do well to punish this saucy groom.  Ant. 
You are a most pernicious damned villain, and your soul knows it.  Arb. 
Come, sir, depart, & rave not, or I shall see you whipped.  Ant. 
Good Father pardon; pardon mighty Duke, pardon Antonio, cause of this disquiet. Lod. Antonio?  Val. 
By this light he supped with him indeed.  Fran. 
It is not so, this cannot be.  Jul. 
Is there no mountain nigh to fall on me, no rotten house?  Arb. 
I know not whether I may call thee son, or rest in doubt for ever.  Ant. 
I am Antonio, and I was your son, when I left Venice last.  Duk. 
Is no man here amazed but only I?  Anto. 
My dear Phemone!  Phem. 
Were you the Shepherd?  Ant. 
You see chaste Cornelia.  Arb. 
Was ever man so blessed?  Ant. 
Nay, come Francisco, I must have your hand: I can as well forgive, as I can love; and nothing more than both: good Crissippus, my old friend.  Val. 
You have been a stranger Signior; but I'm glad 'tis thus.  Julio would be gone. Duk. 
Whither away: stay him officers; we have not done with you.  julio. 
whither shall I run to hide myself?  
What Climate, or what Region? Pardon greatest Prince.  
Pardon grave Fathers.  Arb. 
Against that prayer kneel I:  
No pardon Prince, as thou dost hope for bliss.  Cris. 
Grant him a halter; nothing else good Duke.  Duk. 
Give him his liberty: Art thou so impudent to plead for mercy, and beg of me, having committed such a capital trespass here in my view?  Fran. 
Though what I speak, with some additions, I have done and more, and he more false has played, than I have said, blot his offences: be propitious Sir.  Ant. 
Though the greatest sufferance fell on my part, I here acquit him, and beseech for mercy.  Fran. 
Yet be compendious, and possess this presence, what cause thou hadst that tempted thee so badly to seek my ruin.  julio. 
The Devil and his Angels.  Fran. 
O fie joretzo.  Duke. 
How joretzo? not the son of that pernicious traitor, had plotted with Lamunes for sums of gold to burn our City?  Fran. 
He's dead, and suffered for the same offence.  Duke. 
When brought the toad forth other than himself, unless 'twere something worse?  Ant. 
Forget his Father's faults: be pitiful.  Duke. 
He that prays next in his behalf, by heaven friends not himself, and is mine enemy: We have too long suffered such Weeds as these to flourish in our soil: No more the bosom of this earth of ours, shall (like a mother) lend her fruitless increase, to cherish those would bane her: The sword of justice cut the justice off that keeps it sheathed to such: His deeds were shameful, his rewards be so, and quittance his desert: Sear on his brow in letters capital, the name of knave, that all behold may read him what he is, and hate him in the sight: His next doom is this; after three days we charge thee on thy life, never set foot more in thy Native Climate.  
So, bear him to his torture, speech is vain:  
For what is said there's nothing can restrain.  Exit julio. Arb. 
Most worthy Prince.  Lod. 
I'll be honester while I live for this trick.  Fran. 
Can you forgive mine injury, Antonio?  Ant. 
As freely as I hope to be forgiven; and crave no more amends, but only this you'll call me brother, and make Phemone mine.  Fran. 
I need not make what's made, take and enjoy her that hath vowed to be none but yours.  Cris. 
Thy hand Arbaces, our quarrel's o'er, we'll no fighting.  Arb. 
Fight, yes: I hope we shall find something else to do.  Cris. 
Daughter I have done thee wrong too; but I'll seek forgiveness when we have more leisure.  Fran. 
This day breeds wonders: by what accident scaped you of your wounds?  Ant. 
Here stands the means, whom I must ever tender with respect, as with my full proceedings you shall hear, when none can interrupt.  Duk. 
Francisco, henceforth know your virtuous wife, & prize her as a jewel: I have heard the world speak well of her, and those unmatched wish they may have your fortunes. Lodwick where's the dumb show you promised me.  Lod. 
Even ready my Lord; but may be called a motion: for puppets will speak but such corrupt language, you'll never understand without an interpreter, or a short plot; which I have drawn thus— Now the motion follows.  Enter Doctor. Doct. 
What not divulge: yes, yes, I will divulge.  Duk. 
The jealous Doctor: I have him.  Doct. 
Do me right, sweet Duke, do me right.  Duk. 
What art?  Doct. 
A fool, a physician, a maintainer of whoredom, with a pox to me.  Duk. 
Then Medice cura teipsum; more knave than fool, the plot's false drawn else: away with 'em.  Lod. 
Come sir, depart.  Doct. 
Purge me Duke, purge me, or let my wife take out my corrupted brains, and rinse them in a Cucking-stool: I come Skimmington, I come.  Exit. Lod. 
Vallentius you must take some order for the doctor's cure: he befriended you in as great a courtesy.  Enter Stultissimo and Fub. Stult. 
Trot on afore: is the Corn-cutter come yet?  Fub. 
The Horn-cutter is come, sir.  Stult. 
On, on to the Leaguer then: I am ashamed to show my head amongst Animals: on to the Leaguer.  Exit. Val. 
This is a Monster of your making, Lodwick, buy him a Capcase to hide up his horns in, for shame o'th' world.  Lod. 
Come we are both—  A great Hubub and noise, a ringing of basons, a great many Boys before, and Julio drawn in a Cart. 1 Boy. 
He comes, he comes.  2 Boy. 
Where doth he come? he is rather drawn hither like a bear to a stake.  3 Boy. 
What in a Coach?  1 Boy. 
Nay, rather in an open Chariot: and yet it cannot be properly called a Chariot, because it runs but on two Wheels.  2 Boy. 
Room for him there: for I am sure he had rather any here had his room than his company.  3 Boy. 
Silence there; you in the Docket there, let but one speak in the Court at once.  All. Silence. Julio. 
Noverint universi,  
It is the Duke's mercy;  
And the condition of my Obligation,  
To make my recantation,  
That I within bound,  
Should give reasons profound,  
Why (much against my heart)  
I thus ride in a Cart.  
Nay, gentlemen, no eggs I beseech you: for I love them at this time, neither raw, roasted, nor rotten. For should they hit me on the breast, they would go clean against my stomach.  Tomaso in a corner of the Gallery. Tom. 
You Phaeton.  
Is that your Father Phoebus his Chariot, and will he allow you never a Box to sit in?  julio. 
No jugglers Box, I'll assure thee friend: for here's neither pass, nor repass, I stand here you see for an example, And could wish all these good people to follow it.  Lodwick in another corner. Lod. 
Who's that, Bootes mounted in his Charles wain? doth he cry Pippings, carrots, or Turnips?  julio. 
You are deceived, Signior: rather Bread, and Meat, as Piecrust, bones, and fragments out of the Ludgate man's basket: Nay, hold your hands, I beseech you Gentlemen, and use your tongues and spare not.  Stul. 
Well, he stands here but for a show, and I am sure I suffered for it really and indeed.  julio. 
Bear witness my Masters, that is the main malefactor indeed, and I stand here for a show: I'll go no further than his own confession.  A Country fellow standing by. Country fel. 
They talk of Cheaters, here is a twenty shillings piece that I put into my mouth, let any Cheater in Christendom cozen me of this, and carry it away cleanly, and I'll not only forgive him, but hug him and embrace him for it, and say he is a very hocus-pocus indeed.  julio. 
What said that fellow?  Pusse. 
He saith he hath a piece in his mouth, that all Europe shall not cheat him of.  Julio. 
I have marked him, 'tis mine own: and notwithstanding all this melancholy we'll spend it at night in Wine and Music.  Count. fel. 
He that can pluck this piece out of my jaws, spite of my teeth, and I keep my mouth fast shut, I'll say he is more than a Cheater, and a Doctor Faustus, or Mephistopheles at least.  Puss. 
Dost hear how he brags?  Jullio. 
'Tis mine own I warrant thee.  Two Countrymen. 1 Count. 
But what's become of my horse?  2 Count. 
And what's become of my load of hay?  julio. 
May I eat hay with your horse, if they were not both done neatly and cleanly. But Gentlemen, and the rest, you see I am at this present your pitiful spectacle. I looked once within this twelvemonth, not to have been mounted in such state: but no man knows what preferment he is born to. You see I have hitherto sailed through this great storm without soiling my Suit, spoiling my Ruff, or spattering my Beaver: thanks to these kind spectators.  1 Serg. 
But Master Fast and Loose; do you remember what a slippery trick you served Master Doctor and us?  julio. 
And was it not fairly done Master Sergeant, to teach you how to digest the wearing of a Surplice, before you came to stand in a white sheet.  1 Serg. 
Well now you are at your journey's end: May it please you to alight for your ease?  julio. 
With all my heart: and if either you or any of my accusers be weary with following me on foot, the Room is now empty, I will give him leave to ride in my place. He seems to fall into a passion .Yet when I do but think of this disaster, it draws tears from mine eyes.  
He draws his handkerchief (as to wipe his eyes) just before the Country fellow, and scatters some small money.  Country fellow. 
Sir, you have (I think) let fall some money.  julio. 
Thanks honest friend.  He takes it up. Count. fel. 
What do you look for? I can assure you here is all that fell.  julio. 
Nay, sure I had more money? 'tis not in my handkerchief, nor in my pockets, I have examined them both.  Serg. 
Why, what do you want sir?  julio. 
A piece, a piece, and had it now, just now; sure whilst I was so high perched none could dive so low into my pocket, it was sure as I lighted, and dropped from me, just as I drew my handkerchief.  Puss. 
Some such thing I saw fall.  julio. 
Pray who were they that stooped?  Serg. 
I saw none stoop but this Country fellow.  julio. 
Then sir, I must demand this piece of you.  Count. fellow. 
Of me? I profess I took up but two shillings and six pence, and that I gave into your hand.  julio. 
But I profess that one of them was a piece, and never came into my hand, and that I must demand of you: say did nobody stoop but he?  Serg. 
None I assure you.  julio. 
Thou art still my honest Sergeant.  Puss. 
That fellow hath something in his mouth.  Count. fel. 
Yes my tongue and my teeth, and what of all that.  Puss. 
Nay, something else sure, for he is not troubled with the Mumps, and yet see how one side of his cheeks bumps out.  julio. 
I am afraid, we shall find him a Cheater.  Serg. 
Sirrah know I am an Officer, I charge you open your mouth, and let us see what you have in it, etc.  Count. fel. 
Well sir, I have a twenty shillings piece, what then?  Serg. 
And this man misseth a twenty shilling piece out of his pocket.  julio. 
Plead well Sergeant and thou shalt have thy fee.  Count. fel. 
Well, there it is, what can you make of it?  julio. 
Marry twenty shillings good and lawful currant money, Puss, was not this the piece that I put in my pocket this morning?  Puss. 
I know it by that mark.  Serg. 
And she's witness sufficient in conscience.  julio. 
Do you see Gentlemen. I am here brought to public penance for a Cheater, and here's a plain fellow that (it seems) in his simplicity would outdo me: if I be thus censured merely for suspicion; shall he scape free that is taken in the very action?  All. 
No, no, mount him, mount him.  Count. fel. 
Nay, by your favour Gentlemen, I have driven a Cart often for my pleasure, and would be loath to ride in one now for my punishment. It is penance enough for me to part with my piece, which cannot be more currant of Coin, then his is Arrant for Knavery.  Exit. julio. 
He's gone, I am still here, now Gentlemen,  
If heretofore there hath been any Doll,  
Any bold Beachum, and any Cutpurse Moll.  
Any Bawd fat with wealth, or with care meager,  
That spends her time in Garrison or leaguer,  
Grace me so far to say, that of a Cheater  
Though some have been more grave; scarce any greater,  
But Gentlemen; what need we more repeating?  
Knowing, that even in all Trades there is cheating?  
'tis common both in buying and in selling,  
In all Commerce; nay, even in money telling.  
'tis frequent twixt the Pander and the Whore,  
We ourselves find it at the Playhouse door.  
And though (for an example) here I stand,  
I am not all the Cheaters in the land.  
Some here (no question) know it but I vow,  
(They what they please) I will cheat none of you.  Duke. 
We understand their humours,  
And the cause of their distempers;  
And have too long suffered such weeds  
As these to flourish in our soil,  
But now no longer shall this earth of ours,  
Like a kind Mother lend her fruits increase,  
To cherish those would eclipse her worth.  
But those whose aims and acts are imitable,  
Crown with green Garlands, and with Bowls brimmed full.  
Music proclaim a general Festival,  
A Jubilee of joy and mirth to all:  
May love and truth, never like comfort miss,  
Nor Knave in Grain, scape a reward like this.   
FINIS.