Morocco Extaticus. Or, BANKS BAY HORSE IN a Trance. A Discourse set down in a merry Dialogue, between Banks and his beast: Anatomizing some abuses and bad tricks of this age. Written and entitled to mine Host of the Belsavage, and all his honest Guests. By john Dando the wierdrawer of Hadley, and Harrie Runt, head Ostler of bosoms Inn. Printed for Cuthbert Burby. 1595. To the Reader. GEntle Readers, or Gentlemen Readers, which you will, though it past manners in us to stand like a couple of eaves-dropping knaves, and steal away a discourse betwixt Banks & his bay horse from Belsavage without Ludgate, which in our conscience we must confess is a kind of cozening, & in a manner such a matter as if we should have gone into a Cook's shop in Fleet lane, and with the smell of roast meat filled our bellies, not emptying our purses, a flat robbery, and by a figure such a piece of filching as is punishable with ribroast among the turn spits at pie corner, where a man of an ill mind may break his fast with the sent of a piece of beef pulled piping hot out of the furnace. Yet considering the case as it concerns the commonwealth, and the nature of the subject handled betwixt this horse & his master, which not any in the world, I promise ye, heard or understood but ourselves that came hither upon other business, we could not choose but do as we huve done: very pure love to our country leading us to lay our wits together, and present the world with this pamphlet, which if it be not mistaken, may as well serve to drive away pastime & good company, as the finest philosophical discourse you can light upon. If it hang not well together, think the fault is ours that carried it not well away, for truly there was never horse in this world answered man with more reason, nor never man in this world reasoned more sensibly with a horse than this man and this horse in this matter, as for example. And so committing you (not to prison) no, but to the reading of this Dialogue, we end our Epistle to the Reader. depiction of horse doing tricks BANKS BAY HORSE IN a Trance. INTERLOCUTORES, Banks and his Horse. Banks HOlla Morocco, whose mare is dead, that you are thus melancholy, up I say, and let you and me confer a little upon the cause, whereby matters & dealings may seem to be so, you know my meaning. Horse. Whereby matters and dealings may seem for to be. Very good sir, spoke like a wholesome haberdasher, and as wisely by Lady master, as he that was sworn to his wives friends, not to credit out his wares to any man for the first fifteen years he was married. Banks. And therewith me thinks I see him hang the hat upon the pin again. Wast not so Morocco? I am glad sir to hear you so pleasant in the threshold of my discourse, for I am come in purpose to debate a while and dialogue with you, and therefore have at you after your watering. Lay out your lips and sweep your manger clean, and summon your wits together, for I mean (by mine host leave) to recreate myself awhile with your horsemanship. Horse. And I am as like master to show you some horse play as ere a nag in this parish, for 'tis a jade can neither whihie nor wag his tail, & you have brought me up to both I thank you, and made me an understanding horse, and a horse of service, master, and that you know. Banks. I Morocco I know it and acknowledge it, & so must thou if thou have so much ingenuity, confess my kindness, thou art not only but also bound to honest Banks, for teaching thee so many odd pranks. I have brought thee up right tenderly, as a Baker's daughter would bring up a Cosset by hand, & allow it bread and milk by the eye. Horse. Maius peccatum habes, master you have the more to answer, God help you. For I warrant you, (though I say it that should not say it) I eat more provender in four and twenty hours, than two of the best geldings that Robin Snibor keeps, that a hires for two shillings a day a piece. Bank. Two shillings Morocco, nay what sayst thou by half a crown, and ten groats. Horse. Marry I say, three days hire is worth four such horses, saddles, and all. For a buys them for ten pence a saddle at S. Giles one with another, and those accoutrements are suitable to his steeds. Banks. Me thinks such steeds should stand a man in small stead, by that he had rid some five miles out of town. Horse: Yea be sure, or half five miles either. And commonly the saddle falls asunder and splits in two pieces at the towns end, and one side takes his journey towards Uxbridge, and the other towards Stanes, to stop mine Hosts cushions of the George. Banks. Why that's Suum cuique boy, for the waine-men of the West country, and the carriers of Gloucestershire commonly barter away their broken ware with the ostler's for pease and horsebread, and they return them a horseback to Peter Pympe the patchpannell. Morocco thou knowest where I am now. Horse. Not I truly master, unless you mean that shrewd Saddler that served you so ill the last Term, and as I trow his name was not Peter, his name was john Indifferent, for a wrought me thought as if a had not cared whether a had earned your money or no. Banks. Beshrew him Morocco, a deceived my hope, in a good part of purple velvet hose, that I purposed should have made me a seemly saddle. Horse. O Master you are to purpose, and he 〈◊〉 dispose, of those hose▪ then were your breeches in his hands, and sweetly he handled them as you know: here me thinks had you supde up but a quarter of sack, a quart of ●●ck●, I should have said. See how my mind was Master Patinis upon the bag of Oats etc. Or had you come in but reasonably loaded from the Tavern, or taken some of the excellent Muscadine at the Horn: why, what an occupation might you apprehend to rail horribly against these mechanical fellows of the Town, that so they have it, care not how they come by it. 'twas but a venerial sin in this Saddler, to nycoll you, or nick you rather of an old piece of Velvet hose. But what think you by him that had the conscience to ask fourteen yards of Satin for a suit of Apparel, and not to put in nine of them. Banks. Yea Morocco, as well as of him that sold it for eighteen shillings a yard, being not worth ten. Horse. O he gave time Master: And then take heed of that while you live, In space, grows grace And in prosperity of the Satin, will swell wonderfully. Banks. I am fall as fast in a cunning stealers hand. Horse. A hard heart hath he that hath such a hand to cut such large thongs of another man's leather, and lap himself in a gentle man's livery. Banks. Tush, this is but a petty matter to stand upon: And yet Morocco I dare say it and swear it to thee, because thou art no talker: this petty matter hath pyncht nearer than every man weens for. I am undone, now young gentleman. Well, Motos praestat componere fluctus. Horse. Why master of whom should you be afraid, I am able to justify as much as you say. Indeed those be the young men that never saw the Lions. Young masters and gentlemen of the careless cut, such as care not how they be cut, or of what cut they be like, so they may have, to follow all fashions, and then they are cut indeed, noforce, so they fall into a fashion, and walk but twenty four turns in Paul's, let it pack the next day for the third penny. Master M. Nemo ceditur nisi a seipso. Byrch and green holly, and thou be beaten boy, thank thine own, folly: He that will thrust his neck into the yoke, is worthy to be used like a jade. He that hath been a gentleman of fair demeans, and will so demean himself to let lands and lordships fly for a little bravery Luat paenas & in pistrino, let him cry and let him lie, yea and die to, for any pity he is like to have at my hands. Ba. Why how now Morocco. O ye are too sour. Dare you tell me of my spleen against the Saddler, and be so bitter against the young gallants of our age. What man, nay horse rather, nay ass as thou art, to become odious to the flower of England with thy foul manners. It is as natural for young men to be brave and amorous, as for old men to be grave and serious. Why colt then, you'll take upon you I see? Do you not hear what they say that scarce vouchsafe you an answer? Patres aequum esse censent nos iam iam a pueris illico nasci senes, neque illarum assines essse rerum, quas fert adolescentia. Horse. Master you mistake me, I am no such severe horse nor sullen ass, but I can allow a young Gentleman his mad tricks, yea, and his merry tricks too for a need. But master, this Latin I learned when I gambolde at Oxford, Est modus in rebus sunt, certi denique fines. This is it urgesth me thus far, and I speak it in passion too, and with the action of my head and heels, that a Mercadore, nay, a mechanical fellow shall go so far into a Gentleman, and a Gentleman so far out of himself & all a has, that for one or two terms array, a shall for his lives term, and term of life become beggary's bondman, and usuries vassal, O tempora, O mores, O Poetarum flores. You shall find in an old tract printed by Winkin de word, this old said saw, What's a Gentleman but his pleasure, O pleasure, what a treasure is it to take pleasure with measure. Banks. Measure Morocco, nay, nay, they that take up commodities make no differnce for measure between a flemish ell and an English yard. Horse. I know an ell Flemish cost English Anthony half a yard of the best ware he had. Banks. That ware will never see ware again, in so good sort as it hath done, nor sit in a shower of rain on the top of Amwell hill. Horse. Go to master, hum drum is sauce for a coney, you and I should do very ill to speak in private, we are so plain. Banks. Plain Morocco, nay and I were as plain as I will be, I should cry outright, for in this I agree with thee, and with thee the world agrees, and besides tears and commiseration on the state of Gentlemen that have ungentlefied, why I might say, dishonoured themselves by buying and selling. Horse. Have they so master? Why would he be a buyer then? Why would he be a seller? This buying and selling, By all men's telling, Is gain without swelling, To him that sells his dwelling, For his bonds canceling. Banks. Ho, ho, good Morocco, I see now a dozen of bread does as much with you, as three pipes of Tobacco taken in an odd alehouse, to a weak brain. Horse. I am not drunk master, after my watering, that you need to challenge me thus: I know what I say, and I say what I know: To buy this measure, And this momentany pleasure, With so much treasure, To sell seat and seizure, And repent at leisure. Go to master, he is a bad waster, that consumes his days and hours, and reaps Pour un plaisure, mill. Cambridge and Oxford can record: and the foul dolorous fortune of many a fair board, What it is? What it is to come into the clutches, For Aglets or brouches, Of these pure appearing asses, That like simple glasses Seem that they are not, Let them storm I care not: Unpitied might he be, That imbases his degree, With this indignity. I tell you master, for a truth I tell you too, I know a man that in this town, had a Bible lying on his shop board, and sold but three yards of satin unto a Gentleman, and forswore himself at least three times in the coping, and yet the book lay open before him, and he came new from reading of salomon's proverbs. Banks. That had been somewhat gross in him if he had been reading the twentieth of Exodus. Horse. No, no, his mind was on the twentieth day of the month following, when his money was due. Banks. 'tis good to have an eye to the main: house keeping is chargeable, and rent must be paid, the Landlord will have his due, Caveat emptor, let the Tenant look to it. Horse. The Landlord will lead to the devil, & the Tenant will follow after. Banks. What else? they be relatives: Landlord and Tenant are as Pater and Filius. Horse. O master, I could relate to you of these relatives, if it became me to speak like a commonwealths man, what an abuse is engendered betwixt the Landlord and Tenant. Banks. Occasion of what Morocco. Horse. Of more amiss by gis, than easily amended is, of bawdry, and beggary, and such like matters, master. Ambubaiarum collegia, pharmacapolae, mendici mimi balatrones, hoc genus omne. Cry out and complain for the loss of this good landlords worship, God rest his soul, says T. B. we could have had no wrong while he lived: so he had had his rent at the day, the devil and john of cumber should not have fetched Kate L. to Bridewell, no nor all the Court whipped C. F. at the cart, I'll tell you master, come what complaint could have come against Petticoat lane, Smock Alley, Shoreditch, or Rotten row, there were champions and spokes men for this crew, other manner of fellows Iwis, than you think for, such as sit in their satins and rich furs, and with a dash of a pen in a counting house, could do more than the proudest plaintiefe that commenceth any matter or suit against this sisterhood, yea, and seal up his letter and their lips both at once, that murmur● any thing against the inhabitants of this holy corner. Master I could have showed you the copy of a Letter that was lost in this yard by chance, written by a man of some account, so favourably to the Treasurer of Bridewell, in the behalf of an honest Tenant of his, such a Tenant, master, as had her name a Tenendo, and would hold so fast between the thighs, that shame it was for him that had any shame, to be so shameless to use any means to keep her from open shame. Banks. Thou speakest of malice against some or other Morocco, and perhaps thou meanest that drab that the last day when she saw thee here do thy tricks, said thou wert a devil & I a conjuror. Horse. Against her Master, no of mine honesty, she is but a poor whore, to her I mean. Tush, she that I talk of can entertain you with a duzen of tiffite taffeta girls in a morning, I, and the worst of them, when she is at the worst, shall have a wrought waistcoat on her back, and a lockram smock worth three pence, as well rend behind as before, I warrant you. Ban. Those rents by your leave Morocco, help to pay the Landlords rend at the quarter's end. Horse. I master, and the Landlord by your leave helps to rend some of them between the quarters. Banks. That's but a trick of youth lad● Omnis homo mendax, Every man may amend. Horse. True master, Et ut hora sic vita, A loves a whore as his life. For he will forbear as long as she will bear, and that's ka me, and ka thee, knave he, and quean she. Banks. Had need be of exceeding patience Morocco, to forbear as long as she'll bear, for a better bearing beast is not in all Shoreditch, nor Hounds dyke neither, than this beastly beast that I think thou meanest. But speak not so loud, for and if her landlord heard you, he would answer for her. Horse. I think so, has answered so long for her, that a can scarce answer for himself, and I speak not so loud that I fear him, Male audit ubique, master, a hears very badly every where: and worse a will hear, and a hold on, yea master, and lose hearing and seeing to, and a vi● it and see it, as a has done these duzen years. Banks. Well, what's that to the purpose, these wrongs are private, and touch himself, and wrack not the common wealth, as thou exclaymest. Horse. O master, than you know nothing: For understand you as of Nouns, some be substantives, some be adjectives: so of Landlords, some of them be covetous, and some be lecherous, and he is both. Banks. Sayest me so. Well then Morocco, whether does more harm in the commonwealth, the covetous or the lecherous Landlord. Horse. Tush master, that question is no question. For though it be a question between the covetous and the prodigal, yet is it no question betwixt the covetous and the lecherous. The lecherous Landlord hath his wench at his commandment, and is content to take ware for his money, his private scutcherie wounds not the commonwealth farther than that his whore shall have a house rend free, when his honest neighbour's wife and children shall neither have a piece of a house or household loaf for him. Let him pass for a farting churl, and wear his mistress favours, viz. rubies and precious stones on his nose, etc. And this Et caetera shall, if you will, be the perfectest pox that ever grew in Shoreditch or Southwark. Banks. And there have been big inflammations, and more unquenchable than the great fire that burned so much blue thread on the top of Fish-street hill. Horse. But the covetous Landlord is the caterpillar of the commonwealth, he neither fears God nor the devil, nor so he may rack it out, cares not what Tenant he receives: he is no wencher (pray God he be no bencher) he fits warm at home, and sets down his accounts, and says to himself, my houses go now but for twenty pounds by the year, I'll make them all bawdy houses, and they will yield me twice as much. Upon the Exchange comes to him one or two honest men to take them at his hands, the poor artificer or his like, of what trade so ever, offers him the rend it hath gone for, & sureties perhaps. Yea, say so, good security, and four pounds a year for a house, cometh Pierce Pander, and bawdy Beatrice his wife, two that I warrant you were known well enough what they were, I two that had been as well carted and whipped, and covered with dirt over head and ears, and they forsooth will begin the world anew again, having a fresh wench or two that came but from the carriers that morning, though she had tapped many a can in long lane at Barthelmew tide. With this stock of wenches will this Trusty Roger and his Beatrice set up forsooth with their pamphlet pots, and stewed prunes, nine for a tester, in a sinful saucer, and they will offer this covetous and wretched landlord five pounds by the year, yea six pounds to have his house and his countenance withal. But he that will go to the devil for money, will admit them with favour, and so let them have his house, with promise of any thing whatsoever in his power, yea, and if occasion serve, will write, and speak, and take pains and play the suitor, and bear with them in any thing, so there be any mean to do it, and he to be sure of his rent. God is his judge he does it for no fleshly respect, but even of a mere worldly motion, to bear sin out with sin, and lechery with covetousness. Let the Parish complain, why (says he) what should I do, I have my rent paid me at my day. I must make money of my land, and so let them do their hearts out, thinks he, I shall have my rent the readier. This cormorant is he that cares not how he get it so he have it. This Stymphalist is he that with five or six Tenements, and the retinue thereunto belonging, infects the air with stench, and poisons that parish, yea and twenty parishes off with the contagion of such carrion as lies there in their bumble baths, and stink at both ends like filthy green elder pipes. For him and them master, such Landlords and such Tenants. Good master wish as I wish. Banks What's thy wish Morocco? Horse. That at the quarter day the parish would of their own devotion to the common wealth, bestow a banquet upon them of ale and cakes in the cage, & a hundred or two of good faggots, to consume the bodies and bones of them all and every mother's child, such Landlords and such Tenants as so much against conscience, receive & deceive, and day by day, and hour by hour cheat, cousin, catch, and devour in pillage from gentlemen, prentices, and good fellows, abuno usque ad mill, even from the outside to the inside, from the cloak to the shirt, leaving Nicol Neverthrive never a wench in the chamber or penny in the purse. Ban. Morocco, Pray thy wish take effect, I wish for every parish so pestered with such tenants and tenements, God put into their minds to be but at cost and charges for the faggots, for ale and cakes I were mearst, if it cost five marks. But how does this landlord fall into this Praemunire? Why is thy malice so great against them, when 'tis the bawd and the whore that make all this stir? Hor. O master, miserable landlords are cause of all this mischief. 'tis he that because he will have an unreasonable rent, will uphold any villainy in his tenant: a slave to money, a pander to the bawd, a pillar, nay a pillow & a bolster to all the roguery committed in his houses. And yet will this filthy fellow sit at his door on a sunday in the high street and my mistress his wife by him, & there forsooth talk so saintlike of the sermon that day, and what a good piece of work the young man made, and what a goodly gift of utterance he had, but not the value of a pound of beef will a give him, were his gift of utterance comparable to S. Augustine's, or Chrisostomes' eloquence. Swear a will and forfweare upon the work day, as well as any. And if percase a sit in place of authority, O how severe will he be in all his proceed against a young or good fellow in any trifling matter. Then a takes upon him not a little: Sir (says he) what did you in such an house? Wherefore came you thither? And lay the law and the Prophets too, and so rate a Gentleman well descended, merely privileged with a furred gown and a nightcap: when in deed his bringing up hath been in beggary and slavery illiberally, having spent his time in conference with the water tankard at the Conduit, lying miserably, and for sparing of wood, loading his gown sleeve with fuel from the haberdashers, and wearing his hands in a frosty morning by the fugitive flames of a few waste papers, a natural enemy to all learning and liberality. O master, such a churl as you and I saw here last day talk with two soldiers in the yard, and put his hand in his pouch, & gave them near a penny. Ban. Didst thou see that Morocco? Well, there be too many such as he, yet there is a choice number of sober citizens that have golden minds, and golden purses withal. Hor: That I know well master, and to them that have such golden minds, I wish golden mines: master, I protest to you I speak it not to flatter, but in reproach of those money-mongers, those lease-mongers, those cannibals, that dishonour the city wherein they dwell, but uprightly I speak it, that you may not think I rail upon malice against any private man for any private quarrel: There are many that beautify London for their good parts, who being civility and well brought up, are affable to strangers, charitable to the poor, liberal to scholars, and such as Citizens should be, dutiful to their prince, and devout to their city. But as cockle is ever among corn, and dross among gold, so will those soul churls cumber the best corners, and march cheek by ioul among the better many, with as great show of devotion and charity as the best. From such dissembling holiness, such double wickedness, good Lord deliver us. Banks. 'tis almost supper time Morocco, I hear mine host call, you have done prettily well for two points, refer the rest till another time. Horse. As you please master, and let this be our first lecture of the Anatomy of the world. If the Trance hold me but till the next Term, where now I have but with a dry foot overleapt these matters, I may chance of these and more leave a deeper print, and having handled a case of commodities, will say somewhat further of their discommodities and differences, even as the bit of reason shall lead me. And so I commit you to your supper, and myself to my litter, for I promise you I am not a little weary with gambolling this after noon. Finis. THE AUTHORS to the Reader. SO Morocco did lie him down, and Laurence Holden called in his guest unto a shoulder of mutton of the best in the market, piping hot from the spit. We like two lazy fellows lay tumbling in the hayloft, and heard this that we have set down verbatim, aswell as we could: and will watch narrowly but we will seize the rest to our use▪ gentle Reader, whensoever it comes upon them. For by Maroccoes conclusion, this Dialog should seem but an Induction to another discourse, which how unpleasant so ever it prove, to a great many, we know, that have been wrong on the withers, and stung with the merchants book, it will be reasonably friendly and welcome. Finis quoth john Dando and Harry Runt.