THE I'll OF gulls.  
As it hath been often played in the black Friars, by the Children of the Revels.  
Written by john Day.  
Imprinted at London, and are to be sold by john hodget's in Paul's Churchyard. 1606.   

The I'll of Gulls.  
¶. Enter severally 3. Gentlemen, as to see a play. 1 
HOw now gallants, what be't? what be't?  2 
The I'll of Gulls.  3 
The I'll of Gulls, what should that be?  2 
A play by the name, but come shall's quarter ourselves?  1 
If some had had the wit to do so in time, they might ha' saved the hangman a labour. But come boy, furnish us with stools.  Enter Prologue. Prol. 
Pardon me sir, my office is to speak a Prologue, not to provide you stools.  1 
And you were the Epilogue to sir-  2 
Fie be not incivil: dost hear youth, prithee what's he that discovered your new found Land, the I'll of Gulls? what is he?  Prol. 
A mere stranger sir.  3 
A stranger? the better welcome: comes he Eastward, Westward, or Northward hoe?  Prol. 
None of the three ways I assure you.  1 
prithee where is he?  Prol. 
Not on his knees in a corner, to Apollo praying that his play may hold in a good hand at Passage, not on the stage amongst gallants, preparing a bespoke Plaudite; but close in his study writing hard, to get him a handsome suit against Summer.  2 
And where sits his friends? hath he not a prepared company of gallants, to applaud his jests, and grace out his play.  Prol. 
None I protest: Do Poets use to bespeak their Auditory.  2 
The best in grace do, and but for that, some that I know, had never had their grace in Poetry till this day.  Prol. 
Then must our Author look for a certain disgrace, for he is altogether unfurnished of such a friendly audience.  1 
Then he must lay his trial upon God and good wits. But why doth he call his play The I'll of Gulls, it begets much expectation.  Prol. 
Not out of any dogged disposition, not that it figures a 〈…〉 certain state, or private government: far be that supposition from the thought of any indifferent Auditor: and the argument being a little string or Rivulet, drawn from the full strain of the right worthy Gentleman, Sir Philip sydney's well known Archadea, confirms it: only a Duke to make trial of certain experiments, retires with his retinue into a Nameless desert. Now as well for fashion sake, as that all those which have to do in that desert, are gulled in the reach of their hopes, therefore he calls it, (and as he presumes, not improperly) The I'll of Gulls.  1 
Out a question he hath promised thee some fee, thou pleadest so hard for him, but and he be a right Poet he will never perform it. But what method observes he in his play, be't any thing Critical? Are Lawyers fees, and citizens wives laid open in it: I love to hear vice anatomized, & abuse let blood in the master vain, is there any great man's life charactered in't?  Pro. 
None I protest sir, only in the person of Dametas he expresses to the life the monstrous and deformed shape of vice, as well to beget a loathing of abuse, as that his villainy may give the greater luster to the virtuous dispositions of trueborn gentility.  1 
All that's nothing to me, and there be not Wormwood water and Copperes in't, I'll not like it, should Apollo write it, and Rosius himself act it.  2 
Fie upon thee, thou art too too Critical: is there any good bawdry in't, jests of an ell deep, and a fathom broad, good cuckolding, may a couple of young-setters up learn to do well in't? Give me a scene of venery, that will make a men's spirits stand on their tiptoes, and die his blood in a deep scarlet, like your Ovid's Ars Amandi, there flows the true Springhead of Poetry, and the very Crystal fount of Parnassus.  Prol. 
Chaste ears would never endure it sir.  2 
Chaste ears, now deafness light upon 'em, what should chaste ears do at a play.  3 
'tis strange now, I am of neither a both your opinions, I like neither railing nor bawdry: no, give me a stately penned history, as thus, The rugged winds, with rude and ragged ruffs. &c.  2 
Fie upon't, mere Fustian; I had rather hear two good bawdy jests, than a whole play of such teare-cat thunderclaps.  Prol. 
Alas Gentlemen, how be't possible to content you? you will have railing, and invectives, which our Author neither dares, nor affects: you bawdy and scurril jests, which neither becomes his modesty to write, nor the ear of a generous Auditory to hear: you must ha' swelling comparisons, and bombast Epithets, which are as fit for the body of a Comedy, as Hercules' shoe for the foot of a Pygmy: yet all these we must have, and all in one play; or 'tis already condemned to the hell of eternal disgrace.  1 
Look to't, if there be not gall in't, it shall not pass.  2 
If it be not bawdy, 'tis impossible to pass.  3 
If it be both Critical and bawdy, if it be not high written, both your Poet and the house to, lose a friend of me.  Prol. 
Nay I beseech you sir, if you be his friend, stand so to him still, for he hath too many enemies already, in whose judgements, he and his labours stand excommunicate, as though unworthy to present themselves in this assembly.  1 
Enemies, nays foot then there's some hope in's play, for Envy never works but against desert and merit. If he be envied there's some worth in him, and I'll see out his play for that only.  2 
Faith and I'll see an act or two out, but I tell you aforehand I cannot see it out.  3 
Not see it out? your reason.  2 
Fore God I lay in bed till past three o'clock, slept out my dinner, and my stomach will toll to supper afore five, therefore you must pardon me.  Prol. 
Either see it all or none; for 'tis grown into a custom at plays, if any one rise (especially of any fashionable sort) about what serious business soever, the rest thinking it in dislike of the play, though he never thinks it, cry mew, by jesus wild; and leave the poor heartless children to speak their Epilogue to the empty seats.  3 
Why dost think thy audience like a flock of sheep, that one cannot leap over a hedge, but all the rest will follow, they ha' more of reason in them then so.  2 
Well, I'll sit out the play, and be but to avoid that sheepish imputation, but see it be bawdy, or by this light I and all my friends will hiss.  Prol. 
You should not deal gentlemanlike with us else.  Prologue. 
The misery that waits upon the pen  
Of the best Writers, judge it gentlemen,  
Let them express the very soul of wit,  
And want Opinions voice to countenance it,  
'tis like the idle buzzing of a fly,  
Heard, not regarded: wretched Poetry:  
If 'a write mirth, 'tis Ribaldry, and mean,  
Scorned of chaste ears. If he compose a Scene  
Of high writ Poesy, fitting a true stage,  
'tis counted fustian: If portick rage  
Strike at abuse, or open the vain of sin,  
He is straight informed against for libeling.  
Neither quick mirth, invective, nor high state,  
Can content all: such is the boundless hate  
Of a confused Audience: Then we  
That scarcely know the rules of Poesy  
Cannot scape check. Yet this our comfort is,  
The wise will smile to hear th' impartial hiss.  
We neither brag, nor tremble, faint nor entreat,  
Our merits nothing, yet our hopes are great,  
Yet this our Author bade me boldly speak,  
His play shall pass, let Envy swell and break,  
Detraction he scorns, honours the best,  
Tanti for hate; thus low to all the rest.  Exit.  


Actus primi. scena prima.  ¶ Enter Basilius, Gynetia, Hipolita, Violetta, Lord attendants. Basil: 
Welcome gallants, welcome honoured bloods; the reason that we have unclothed us of our princely government in Arcadia, and have to do with this private retirement here in this desert I'll, you shall find in that schedule, only thus much for public satisfaction: 'tis not strange to you, that the choicest treasure Nature endowed us with, is mind up in the veins of my two daughters: how much their quiet, and the smooth stream of our government in Arcadia, was troubled by the impetuous concourse of unruly suitors, is familiar with your knowledge; this to avoid, I have for my Image there in my absence appointed my brother, and undertook this private retirement.  Gy. 
Why my lord, are you so covetous of your daughter's beauties, that their perfections shall be a means to hinder their preferment?  Basi. 
Rather to further it fair Queen: they are the only pearls of our age, and to see them well set in honourable and well-befitting  
Marriage, is our wishes' happiness.  
To which effect we have sent a general challenge  
To all the youthful bloods of Africa,  
That whosoever (borne of princely stem)  
Dares foot the bosom of this desert I'll,  
(The stage where I'll perform this lovers prize)  
And by his wit and active policy,  
Woo, win, entice, or any way defeat  
Me of my charge, my daughters of their hearts,  
Shall with their loves wear my imperial crown  
wreath of their conquest.  Hip. 
A prize, a prize, rare work for Fencers.  Viol. 
What coward would not venture a cracked crown for such a booty?  Basil. 
To that intent our Island is fenced in  
By sea and Land, and at each corner built  
A Castle for defence, which like great men  
Do overlook Archadea: over which,  
We have appointed Captains. More to desire,  
Is more than we are willing to discover.  Hip. 
Well then sister, I see we must to haphazard for husbands.  Viol. 
God send me one with a good face and I care not.  Hip. 
Love and be thy will, send me one with a fair table in his forehead, like Time.  Viol. 
Nay, and his face be good, let me alone to trick his forehead, a country-gentlewoman taught me how: But father I wonder how you dare undertake such a peremptory challenge against all comers, considering you have been so long troubled with an Ague.  Basil. 
An ague? what ague?  Hip. 
Why your quotidian, Dametas the Court surfeit, he that dwells in your eye, like a disease in your blood.  Viol. 
And the Presence were not exceeding empty-stomached, it would never digest such Almes-basket-scraps, the very fall & garbage of gentry; fie upon him, he becomes the great chamber worse than a Gentleman-usher with wry legs.  Hip. 
He is the most misshapen suit of gentility that ever the Court wore.  Viol. 
Had he not been of my father's own making, I should ha' condemned his tailor for an exceeding butcher.  Basil. 
If you retain the love of children, or the duty of subjects, express it in your obedience, we know Dametas loves us.  Vilet. 
As Captains and Courtiers do old widows, for profit and preferment.  Basil. 
In sign whereof we make him.  Hip. 
Nay, you have bestowed too much of the making of him up already.  Viol. 
The very making of him up, has stood you in more than the whole our sides worth.  Basil. 
In my free thoughts you wrong him, therefore to express our love, and to give the world public note of his loyalty, we create him your Guardian.  Viol. 
How father, my Guardian.  Basil. 
I minion, yours.  Viol. 
Do you hear father, bid him bespeak Spectacles, for my fingers have vowed to have a blind match with his eyes.  Basil. 
Well said Haggart, I'll make your proud heart stoop to the lure of obedience. But come, by this time our challenge is published, and our gallants wits sweating in the field of Invention, and it behoves us not to rest unexercised.  
So to our lodge, in the mean time be it known,  
Our breath has power to raise, or cast men down.  Exeunt. Enter two Captains. 1 Cap. 
Now Captain Observation, Time's bawd, thou that hast kept the age's door, whilst upstart baseness crept into the bed of greatness, what dost thou think of this change?  2 Cap. 
That it pleased the Duke, and becomes not subjects to examine his actions.  1 Cap. 
That's no part of my meaning, yet would I gladly be better instructed why the Duke broke up his Court in Archadea, and removed it into this Island?  2 Cap. 
I am not Secretary to his thoughts, but the general mmour is, that out of the freeness of his spirit, he hath sent a challenge to all his neighbour Princes, that whosoever (within a twelvemonth) can defeat him of his daughters, shall with their loves, enjoy his dukedom, the garland proposed for the victors.  1 Cap. 
Your words throw sense into me, and that's the cause the Island is so surely guarded with watch-towers, over which ourselves and other Captains have the charge.  2 Captain 
And to the end, that not affection, but desert may prove victor, are the two Ladies so narrowly observed, the one never out o' the eye of her Father, the other continually in the lodge of Dametas, the Duke's chief director.  1 Cap. 
If inquisitiveness be not too bold a guest, what do you think of Dametas.  2 Cap. 
As of a little hillock, made great with others' ruins.  1 Cap. 
Your comparison holds, for by report, his avarice has unmade many to make him up.  2 Cap. 
How did he first stumble on the PRINCE's favour?  1 Cap. 
As some do upon offices, by fortune and flattery, or as truth says, the Prince having one day lost his way, wandering in the woods found this Dametas, affected his discourse, took him along to the Court, and like great men in love with their own doings, countenanced his defects, gave him offices, titles, and all the additions that go to the making up of a man worshipful.  2 Cap. 
I cannot but commend the Duke for raising him, nor yet praise him, that he proportions not his carriage answerable to his fortunes.  1 Cap. 
Your thoughts and mine are twins in that: but I hear the warning bell, some strangers are arrived.  2 Cap. 
Let's to our office then, and conduct them to Dametas, whose custom is to spit & hem, whilst his scribe Maior takes their Examinations.  Exeunt. Enter Dametas and Manasses. Dame. 
Manasses, how dost like my play at Tennis?  Manas. 
You play well Sir, but you lose still.  Dame. 
Policy Manasses, policy, for when any man upbraids me with my gettings at Court, I may swear truly I have lost more than I have got bite.  Manas 
By the Tennis court I think you have.  Dam. 
If by any Court, 'tis enough to save mine oath.  
But what do our spruce witted gallants say of my bounty.  Ma. 
Faith sir according to the proportion of it, little or nothing they say 'tis a bankrupt, and dares not show his head.  Dame. 
Then let 'em leave resting at me, though it please the Duke for some few good parts that he sees in me, to make me his familiar, I scorn to be public, or every courtier's companion: but who comes here?  Enter the two Captains, with Aminter & julio two Princes, attired one like a poor soldier, the other like a poor scholar. 
The Captains of the watch-towers? what news with you.  1 Cap. 
A couple of petitioners, an't like your worship.  Dam. 
Had I best take their petitions Manasses?  Ma. 
O in any case, though you never peruse 'em, 'tis the only course in request.  Dam. 
fellows, deliver your petitions to my scribe Maior, and dost hear, put 'em up Manasses, they may be wrongs to us.  Manas. 
And they be, I hope they be not the first wrongs I have put up for your worship.  put up their papers. 1 Cap. 
That fellows pocket is like a tailors hell, it eats up part of every man's due: 'tis an Executioner, and makes away more innocent petitions in one year, than a redheaded hang man cuts ropes in an age.  Dam. 
Now, what are you sirrah?  Amin. 
A poor soldier an't like your worship.  Da. 
Poor soldiers do not like my worship, they are bad members.  Manas. 
Then if they had a woman to their judge, they should be sure to be cut off, for they cannot endure bad members in a Commonwealth.  Dam. 
What are you?  Iuiso. 
A poor scholar, an't like your worship.  Dam. 
Poor scholars do not like our worship neither, they rail against rich Cormorants, they are bad members to.  Manas. 
Cut them off both sir, and make the Land an Eunuch.  Dam. 
I'll take order with 'em I warrant thee, and I may have my will, I'll ha' neither poor scholar nor soldier about the Court.  1 Cap. 
The next way to make it the I'll of fools.  Dam. 
What's he talks of fools there? why how now sir, know you to whom you speak?  1 Cap. 
Cry your worship mercy, I had forgot your authority.  Dam. 
But I remember well enough I warrant you, I command you, in my name and the Duke's, to attend your guard, and you regard me no more than a careless Lawyer doth an undone cliant, but I'll inform: the Duke shall know, out, pack.  2 Cap. 
Command your slaves sir, we are gentlemen.  Dam. 
Why so I hope are we sir, and of the best and last edition, of the Duke's own making.  1 Cap. 
Cry your authority mercy, will you discharge us of these passengers?  Dam. 
You are discharged, about your business.  1 Cap. 
Bad fate, that wrong should set his foot on right, And true borne Eagles stoop to this base kite.  Exeunt. Dam. 
What an excellent trade it is to be an officer maker, I'll have more officers, and one shall be to keep scholars and soldiers out of the Court, for they dare not come in the great Chamber already, for want of good clothes. But gods me Manasses, go tell the Duke I must speak with him.  Manas. 
Presently sir, I'll go fetch the head to give the foot a posset: and my master had wit to his villainy, he would make an excellent dish for the hangman.  Exit. Amin. 
Right worshipful.  Dam. 
ay sir, I know my place is worshipful, I tell thee knave I could hang thee by my patent, if it were granted once, I'll tell thee how it runs, It allows me 24 knaves, 6 Knights, 10 fools, 13 felons, and 14 traitors by the year, take 'em how, why, when, and where I please.  julio. 
I do not think the Duke will ever grant it.  Dam. 
Why not grant it? why should you think he will not grant it. Such another word & I'll send you to Limbo instantly.  Amin. 
We thank you good Dametas.  discover themselves. julio. 
I hope you'll take reasonable bail for our forthcoming.  Am. 
The case is altered with you since you came out of Archadea.  Dam. 
My honourable friends, julio and Aminter, myself and the best ability of my power, lies at your service.  Amin. 
You see how confidently we presume upon your Letters promise, in furthering us to attain the lovers prize.  Dam. 
The Duke's daughters are your own, and in a word thus shall you attain 'em, some 3 days hence I will appoint a hunting, to which I will invite the Duke & both his daughters: in this hunt will I upon some sudden occasion divide the train, and having singled out the two Does, I hope you have wit enough to strike.  Amin. 
To strike, how mean you.  Dametas. 
As headsmen do, of with their maidenheads, or if the Duke offer resistance, of with his crown to.  julio. 
That were violence, & clean opposite to the intent of the challenge.  Dam. 
Come ye are shallow, to't vi et armis, to't, I'll be your second, think of the crown, ha my Letters travailed for you, my wit wrought for you, and my invention sweat for you, to possess you of your loves, and seat you in the Dukedom, & come you now with 'tis violence, and against the intent of the challenge, I am ashamed to hear you.  julio. 
Nay Dametas, and your resolution be so forward, ours shall overtake you, we doubted least the preferments your Lord hath heaped upon you, had smothered your affection to us ward.  Amin. 
That was the father that begot the doubt in us, you will appoint the hunt.  Dam. 
Sever the Duke, divide the train, and then.  Iul. 
we ha' your meaning.  Dam. 
Put it in execution then, but first entertain some new disguise, as at our next meeting I'll inform you. Adieu, I shall think long till I see you again.  Exit. Amin. 
As a Lawyer doth for his cliant for a second see. here's no judas?  julio. 
Yes, and a damned one to, for he would betray and sell his Master.  Amin. 
'tis common in such base fellows, such court-spiders, that weave their webs of flattery in the ears of greatness, if they can once entangle them in their quaint treachery, they poison 'em straight.  julio. 
They are like unnecessary worms, whom the son of greatness creates of the gross and slimy multitude, as soon as they recover strength, they eat into the credit of true born gentry, undermine and work out the true nobility, to enroot & establish themselves.  Am. 
And in the end, like Esop's starved snake, having leapt the sweet milk of greatness, made themselves strong in authority and friends, they turn their stings of envy into their preservers bosom.  Iul. 
The example lives in this Dametas, who notwithstanding the Duke hath raised him to that height that he looks equal with himself, yet for the base hope of incertain government, he offers him to sale, but let his treason live to the last minute.  Amin. 
For my part I'll make that use of him that Physicians do of poison, use as much of him as serves for mine honest intent, & cast down the rest, as unfit for any necessary employment.  julio. 
Let our carriage in this attempt put on no show of violence either to the Duke, or his daughters.  Amin. 
And let our discourse go so smoothly appareled, that it move not the patience of the most tender ear.  julio. 
About it then, though his intent be base,  
Our enterprise shall wear a noble face.  Exeunt. Enter Lisander like an Amazon. Lisan. 
Archadea, thou heaven, within whose sphere  
The star that guides my motion is fixed,  
I court thy gracious bosom with a kiss  
For this admittance: in thine amorous arms  
Fair Violetta, fairer than the flower  
That christened her, and graced her with that name  
Do play the wanton:  
Only her Father like a covetous Churl,  
Owner of that unvalued Diamond,  
Hath made this desert I'll th'unwilling chest  
In which he locks her. But the fair advantage  
Of this large challenge, and my stars to friend,  
Aided by this disguise, I shall break ope  
His iron Casket, and enlarge my hope.  Enter Dametas, and Manasses. Manas. 
This way she went sir, this way.  Dam. 
But I say this way, I would thou shouldst know, we old Courtiers can hunt a coney, and put her to the squeak, & make her cry out like a young married wife of the first night.  Manas. 
For more help, as some of them have done,  
But there she is.  Dam. 
I'll upon her presently, dost hear me sirrah, thou vessel of infirmity, woman, and by thy outside little better than one of the wicked, come hither and show thyself before us, show thyself before Dametas.  Lisan. 
Dametas, Lisander then dissemble,  
For he's the man must work thy entrance.  Dam. 
What art thou, speak.  Lisan. 
My mother is the Queen of Amasons,  
myself a virgin, married unto Arms  
And bold achievements, who have paced the world  
In quest of fair Autioste my sister:  
And turning homeward, the inconstant winds  
And wrathful Neptune cast me on this shore.  Dame. 
And what's your business now you are landed?  Lisan. 
My business is private with the Duke.  Dam. 
The Duke is busy, and shall speak with nobody.  Lisan. 
I beseech you sir.  Dam. 
'tis no beseeching matter I assure you.  Manas. 
No, never beseech for the matter, for except you could beseech with the tongue of Angels, 'tis to no purpose with him.  Lisan. 
'tis strange, I have heard thy master is a very good man where he takes.  Manas. 
True, where he takes he is, but he takes nothing of you, and therefore look for no kindness from him.  Lisan. 
Good, and dost thou take after thy master?  Ma. 
No madam, I take commonly afore my master, for where he takes, he takes all, and leaves nothing for me to take.  Lisan. 
Oh, I feel your meaning.  Ma. 
Let my master have some feeling of yours, and he'll preset your suit.  Lisa. 
'tis not the Duke's pleasure Petitioners should buy their access.  Ma. 
all's one, 'tis my masters pleasure, and usual fashion.  Lisan. 
And I must maintain the fashion. Worshipful Dametas, my late shipwreck as you see, hath made a defeat both of my friends and treasure, notwithstanding, Fortune hath reserved me one jewel, which if I might request your worship in love to accept, and be a means to work my admittance to the Duke, I should become a true debtor to your love.  Dame. 
Well Madam, though I hate nothing more than a man that takes bribes, yet priest by your importunity, and that you tender it in love, lest I might seem too nice to withstand a Lady's favour, I'll wear it for your sake, and if the Duke be not too busily employed, work your access.  Lisan. 
So doing, you shall perform the office of a dear-bought friend.  Exit Dametas. Manas. 
How quickly the tide's turned, but do you hear Madam, though I take neither afore nor after my Master, yet take my counsel, & do not trust my master: If you have a suit to the Duke keep it to yourself, for if you trust my master with it, he'll prefer it for you, but he'll begged for himself.  Lisan. 
That's plain cozenage.  Ma 
Fie no, 'tis cunning in him, marry 'twould be though little better than cozenage in a country gentleman: but he returns.  Enter Dametas again. Dam. 
Madam, I have been earnest, very earnest with the Duke for your admittance.  Lisan. 
And have you wrought it?  Dam. 
I have, marry you must think I bestowed much labour in't.  Lisan. 
'tmay be you did.  Da. 
'tmay be you did: & look a scance like a pothecary's wife pounding Colliquintida, have my brains sweat for this.  Lisan. 
Why the jewel is right Dametas, had I but an Ass that would sweat me such pearl.  Dame. 
An ass? and sweat such pearl, I'll bar her admittance, here take your jewel, the Duke will allow no admittance, & I will keep you back.  Lisan. 
Keep me back, thou couldst do no more and I were a poor man's petitioner.  Dame. 
And I'll do so much being a rich petitioner.  Lisan. 
You cannot sir. You Court spaniel, you unnecessary mushroom, that in one night art sprung out of the root of greatness, I have bought my admittance, and I'll hate in dspetto del fato.  Da. 
I must admit her, these Ladies are so inward with our tricks, there's no good to be done upon them: well Madam, your admittance is open, will ye follow.  Lisan. 
With all my heart sir, I'll be the blind man and poor petitioner, and thou shalt play the Court spaniel with the silver bell, & I cad me into the Presence.  Dam. 
Court spaniel? mum: I'll bosom what I think,  
Old Gibs not blind, I see although I wink.  Exeunt. 
Finis Actus primi.    

Enter Demetrias a Prince, attired like a woodman, with him his Page. Deme. 
Boy, how dost like me in this attire?  Page. 
As the audience do a bad play, scurvily.  Dem. 
Is it not strange a prince should be thus metamorphosed?  Page 
Not so strange as the metamorphosis of Ajax and like your grace.  Dem. 
Grace you Aggot: hast not forgot that yet?  Page 
No, and yet 'tis a wonder I ha' not, grace being so seldom used, I'm sure they say none at some ordinaries, for at sitting down they cannot intend it for hunger, and at rising up, they are either drunk, or have such mind a dice, they never remember, my Lord then.  Deme. 
No more Lord, sirrah.  Page 
Indeed there are many already, but is not this strange, that rich men should forsake their titles? master then.  Deme. 
Your will sir.  Page 
You have left many Countries behind you in seeking your friend Lisander, and yet you cannot find him.  Dem. 
True sir.  Page 
I ha' seen much gold lying upon Lombard's stalls, and could never finger penny of it.  Deme. 
Very well.  Page 
Nay, 'twas not well sir.  Dem. 
What conclude you then?  Page 
That you were best sit down, and see what you ha' got by your journey.  Dam. 
I have seen a face as beautiful as heaven.  Page 
That's nothing, a prisoner sees the face of heaven itself, when he looks but out at the prison-gate, I'll stand root, a man were as good be hanged, so a meet a handsome hangman, & a strong rope, as be in love.  Deme. 
Your reason for that.  Page 
Mary this sir, hanging is end of all troubles, & love the beginning. Nay further, I think a Lord cannot be saved, for he is of all religions.  Dem. 
Your proof for that.  Page 
This; he thinks with the Atheist there's no GOD but his Mistress, with the Infidel no heaven but her smiles, with the papist no purgatory but her frowns, & with the family of love, hold it lawful to lie with her, though she be another man's wife.  Dem. 
So sir, what follows?  Page 
Serving men sir, the Master goes in before his wife, & the servingman follows his master.  Deme. 
sirrah forbear, I must meditate.  Page 
As the Usurer before he parts with money, meditate upon the assurance.  Enter Lisander privately, and overhears them. Lisan. 
If Violetta's presence ha' not quenched  
The memory of all things but herself,  
I should be more familiar with that fate.  shroud & observe. Dem. 
I have left my country to seek out my friend.  Lisan. 
And I my country and my friend for love.  Dem: 
And in the search of him have lost myself  
In the strange Region of a woman's eye.  Lisan: 
In love, and in Archadea.  Dem: 
As much as heaven transcends the humble earth,  
So towers her praise, her face differs as far  
From others, as a gloworme from a star.  
She is a princess that my soul affects.  Page. 
And rich.  Dem: 
Half heir unto this Dukedom.  Page 
And she were whole heir to the four moral Virtues, 'twere nothing: when shall I see the time that men will love for virtue, or a rich heir marry a poor wench without a portion, never I think.  Dem. 
Had not my friend Lisander.  Lisan. 
What of me?  Dem: 
L 〈…〉nt in Thrace.  Lisan: 
We had never met in love,  
His syllables betray him. I arrest you.  Dam: 
At whose suit.  Page 
Not at his Tailors in any case, for there's no greater stitch to a younger brother's conscience, than to pay for a suit of apparel when 'tis worn out.  Dem: 
Lisander or his ghost.  Lisan. 
Demetrius,  
Or some illusive tenant in his shape.  Dem: 
Unkind, why didst thou leave my company?  Lisan: 
For that which made the amorous God's leave heaven,  
For love: but why is Demetrius thus disguised?  Page 
For that which would make a jackanapes a Monkey, and he could get it: a tail.  Deme: 
Peace rogue.  Lisan: 
Why wag, is thy master in love?  Page 
Faith sir he hath entered his action in Cupid's court, & means to proceed in the suit it should seem.  Deme: 
Why didst not take my counsel in thy choice?  Lisan: 
Because I feared a chiding, for doubting thine honourable thoughts would not have consented to my effeminate attempts, I stole this secret course, and manner of disguise, as best helping to access, which it hath begot, now what access will bring forth, I commit to unborn Industry.  Deme: 
It cannot but be prosperous: only the strict observance of our loves, hinders the passage of our hopes.  Lisan: 
Indeed that's not the least hindrance, yet the Duke himself, and my quaint disguise hath removed it out of my way, who not only takes me for a woman, but hath allowed me for my loves companion.  Dem. 
Fortune deals kindly with thee, I am as far from access to my love, as when I was in Thrate.  Lisan: 
Dametas is the oystershell that holds thy pearl, our wits must fish for him.  Dem: 
Will the cod's head bite?  Lisan: 
Like an old Usurer at a young heirs inheritance, and I h'ate ready hooked for him: and he ere he comes, my plot is to prefer thee to his service.  Enter Dametas. Dem: 
prithee do, and I'll serve him in his right kind.  Lisan: 
Dametas, my love is yours.  Dame: 
Which madam I am as proud of  Manas. 
As a malcontent of a change, or an old Lady of a new fashion.  Li: 
To be round I have a suit to you in the behalf of this woodman  Da: 
To me sweet blossom, though I be somewhat strict in mine office, I cannot be stony to Ladies. Fellow is thy petition drawn?  Dem: 
Petition.  Manas: 
Your only way to move a suit by: Humbly complaining to your good worship, O 'tis most pathetic, and indeed without money, can do just nothing with authority.  Dam: 
Come hither stripling whose son wert thou?  Dem: 
I am not so wise a child as you take me for, I never knew my father.  Dame: 
Didst not know thy father?  Manas. 
A common fault, his betters forget themselves when they grow rich, then blame not him to forget his father.  Dam: 
What was his name?  Dem: 
If I may give credit to my mother, they called him Menalchas, who on his deathbed made me his heir, with this charge, to seek your worship's service, & gave me this gold as a remembrance to purchase your favour.  Dam: 
Gold him?  Ma: 
Now doth my Master long more to finger that gold, than a young girl married to an old man, doth to run her husband? ashore at Cuckold's haven.  Dame: 
Well, I could do for this fatherless youth.  Ma: 
As many Executors and Overseers have done, cheat him of his portion, and then turn him out of doors a-begging.  Dam: 
But for I have the guardian ship of the Prince, I dare do nothing without the consent of the Duke.  Lisan: 
Come come sir, your worship shall not refuse him.  Dam: 
Well then I woe not, but 'tis for your sake I assure you.  Man. 
Meaning the gold.  Dam: 
What shall I call thy name?  Dem: 
Dorus an't like your worship.  Da. 
Ah, good Dorus, be an honest youth Dorus, reverence your Master, and love yourself: be sure to get under me, and you shall lose nothing in my service. Madam, the Duke and Duchess expect you at the hunt, & await your coming at Diana's oak.  Lisan: 
I'll attend them presently, be a good servant Dorus.  Dame. 
'twill be his own another day Madam.  Lisan. 
In the mean time let it be yours to lead the way.  Dametas 
My service doth attend you,  Ma. 
As the Pursuivant doth the prisoner for a double fee.  Exit. Dem: 
Welcome slave to a slave, a fair presage,  
The hope of love sweetens loves vassalage.  Exit. Enter Aminter and julio, attired like satires. Amin: 
Now & Dametas be the mettle he was stamped for, a right villain.  julio 
And he be not, hang him.  Am: 
Nay he deserves hanging to if he be: but will you trust him?  Iul. 
Yes as far as I see him, and he that trusts him further my trust is he will be deceived.  Amin: 
Indeed, he that will prove false to his maker, will be true to no man.  Iul. 
Yes for the present time, like a bawd to him that gives most.  Amin: 
That's not for love.  Iul: 
Yes of the money: he that looks for other love in this age. This is the place his Letter speaks of, and here he comes himself.  Enter Dametas like a Huntsman. Dam: 
Why so lo: now is the web of my hopes upon the loom of perfection, and in this quench of lashes Aminter and julio.  
See and see not, all mum, you know your que,  
The games your own, if you can hunt it true.  Enter the Duke Basilius. Basil. 
Dametas, were thine ears ever at a more musical banquet? how the hounds mouths like bells are tuned one under another like a slothfulness, the speed of the cry outran my sense of hearing.  Dam. 
Cross over the Forest to Diana's oak my liege, & there your grace advantaged by the height of the ground, shall not only at pleasure hear, but be eye-witness of their musical contention.  Bas. 
Thanks good Dametas, be thy directions our wives convoy.  Enter Gynetia, Violetta, and Hippolita. Gyn. 
Where is his highness Dametas?  Dam: 
At Adonis' bower Madam, where he expects your presence to see the fleshing of a couple of Spartan hounds, in the wasting blood of the spent dear.  Gyne. 
Thanks good Dametas, mine eyes would not be good friends with my feet, should they not bring 'em to that kingly sport.  Dame. 
Sweet Ladies, to save you the expense of much breath, which must be laid out in the purchase of the game. I have provided you this stand, from whence your eyes may be commanders of the sport: such sport as you little dream of.  Viol.: 
We are your loves debtors kind Dametas.  
As I love virtue I pity these poor beasts,  
These sylvan commoners, to see what tasks  
Our covetous Foresters impose upon them,  
Who not content with impost of their breath,  
(Poor hearts,) pursue them smiling to their death.  Dame: 
'twas the end of their creation Madam.  Hip. 
So was the end of ours to live in peace,  
And not to tyrannize on harmless beasts,  
But Foresters, like Images set forth  
The tyranny of greatness without pity,  
As they the dear, so covetous wealth pursues  
The trembling state of their inferiors.  
And to clasp up the volume of their sins,  
They drink their blood, and clothe them with their skins,  
Then cease to press poor beasts with tyranny,  
You love your lives, think they are loath to die.  Dam: 
You are too tender-hearted to be a good huntswoman lady.  Viol: 
And some of you too hard-hearted, but leaving this discourse of hunting, have all our gallantry of Lacedaemon and Greece, spent the vigour of their wits, that not one dares venture.  Hip. 
For our loves sister, you may see the properer women, the worse luck.  Dam: 
Tush you shall have suitors, fear not madam.  Hip. 
No at any hand sister, for with a fear it comes.  Viol. 
Then I'll fear of purpose, because I would have 'em come.  Dam. 
And they do not, they are notable cowards.  Hip. 
Then let 'em keep away still, for I have vowed my maidenhead shall never do homage to the bed of a coward.  Dame: 
Sweet Ladies, will you beguile a minute or two with this discourse, till I step up to the top of the hill, and make discovery of the game,  Viol: 
Let your return be speedy good Dametas.  Dam: 
I'll put on wings and fly.  Exit. Viol: 
Out of the Court, and the whole Country shall have a good riddance.  Amin: 
So, he hath put 'em fair to the stand, let's issue and surprise them,  julio: 
Be resolute and sudden.  Aminter and julio, issue out and bear them away. Viol: 
Murder, treason, rescue, help.  Enter first Dametas, and then the Duke. Dam: 
Yes much rescue, much help, much Dametas: why so, this lest was drawn home close to the head, it cannot choose but cleave the very white of our hopes, the Duke's wit ●to thy tackle good wit, some sudden sea room, or our stratagem is run a ground.  Basil. 
Tell me Dametas, was not the Dear a prodigal, did he not spend his breath freely amongst us?  Dam. 
And his blood too my liege, but did you observe how the hounds like politicians nosed out the game?  Ba 
True: & coming to the loss Melampus, but where are our daughters?  Da. 
Did you observe that my liege, that Melampus as a true hound is ever hoarse cheered or hollow, yet he kept time to.  Ba. 
Certain Dametas, but where are our daughter's man?  Da. 
Busy my Lord under a brake bush, disputing of the virtue of sweet water, and ground ivy.  Cry within, treason, murder, rescue, help. Ba. 
What cry of treasons that Dametas?  
Pray God no danger sets upon my daughters,  
Seek out our wife, I'll haste unto their rescue.  Da. 
And my sword unemployed? allegiance: says nay to that my Liege, I am for the adventure myself, if they be surprised (I am a mad man) your grace shall hear more: If not (I am the more sorry) your grace shall hear more to: make peace with your thoughts till my return, and doubt not their recovery.  Enter the Duchess with her daughters, Dametrius, Lisander. &c. Gyn. 
Speak, where's the Duke?  Basi. 
Here my Genitia.  
What mean these weapons, are our daughters safe?  Viol. 
As a thief in a mill ill father, we thank our redeemers.  Dam. 
The more my grief, were you surprised then madam?  Hip. 
Yes sayth Dametas.  Da. 
And how sweet Ladies, and how were you rescued?  Gyne. 
Being surprised, this gallant Amason  
priest to their rescue, had you seen what worth  
She and this woodman spent in our defence,  
Wonder would ha' bereft you of all sense.  
She raised her sword with such a manly grace,  
As had nor her mild sex controlled my thoughts,  
I could have fallen in love with her high worth.  Lisan. 
You over price us madam, not our desert  
But the weak spi spirits of our opposites.  
Gave leisure to the di 〈…〉 nes of our worth.  Basil. 
It please your modesty to lesson it.  
But it shall still live great in our regard. What woodman's that?  Dame: 
My follower my Liege.  Basil: 
whate'er he be, he hath deserved our love.  
Fellow be near us, and for this desert,  
Performed against those Traitors to our blood,  
Under thy master we give thee an attendant,  
To guard the life and safety of our daughter.  Hip. 
Thank you good father, whoever lose by the bargain, I ha' got me a servant by the match: wot serve me fellow?  Dem. 
In the best I can.  
In heart your fellow, though in show your man.  Hip. 
I'll try your dubious service: I command,  
Your knee to kiss the ground, your lip my hand.  Dame. 
Pardon me Madam.  Hippol. 
here's hot love no doubt,  
I may command my man, and go without.  Basil: 
Truce to this airy war, these paper bullets  
Better become a Closet than a Park,  
The Forest music is to hear the hounds  
Rend the thin air, and with a lusty cry  
Awake the drowsy Echo, and confound  
Their perfect language in a mingled sound,  
Then so the Court, our Forest sport being done,  
A second chase of lovelier sport's begun.  Exeunt. Dem: 
If fortune cross not what our hopes pursue,  
Our fears have met their deaths, our loves their due.  Exit. Dame. 
Crossed in my hopes, the Ladies rescued, and the Princes like cravens beat out of the game-place, my invention must turn travailer for more stratagems what & I should discover their plot to the Duke, attach 'em for traitors, and beg their lands for my labour; though they be my friends, 'twere a pretty parcel of policy.  
All things are lawful that do profit bring,  
A wiseman's bow goes with a twofold string.  Enter Lisander, and Demetrius. Lisan. 
Did ever two princes meet such strange changes in their loves? now we have wrought our admittance, and in a manner got 'em into our possessions, our hopes like false fires having brought us within ●en, vanish, and leave us out of all comfort.  Dem: 
That the duke should dote upon thee for a woman, makes for our purpose, but that the duchess should be enamoured on thee for a man, is preposterous.  Lasan. 
Whether my roles shown in the rescue of the Ladies, or the ardent glances her daughter's beauty steals from mine eyes, give her thoughts encouragement, I know not, but her hopes stand confident I am a man, & for that cause am I bar from access.  Dem: 
I way thy counterfeit cumbrances by rances by mine own, for though by the Duke's allowance I am her privileged attendant, yet such is the devillishness of Dametas, that I cannot joy so much access as to confer with her.  Page 
I can compare my lord and his friend to nothing in the world so fitly as to a couple of water buckets, for whilst hope winds the one up, despair plunges the other down, whilst I like a Harlequin in an Italian comedy, stand making faces at both their follies.  Lisan: 
Well, since the shape of our proceeding grows so monstrous, let's cast our inventions in a new mould, and having so firm a foundation as this disguise to build upon, let's draw the model, and raise the whole frame of our attempts anew.  Dem: 
Indeed, lovers should be conditioned like tyrants, who having the aim of a crown in 〈…〉 violently over all lets that intervent their course, and so must we.  Lisan 
And so will we, my resolutions already bent, & if I shoot not, the next level I take, Love I beseech thee break thy bow about mine ears, and strike the horns in my forehead, for married men to hang their caps on.  Dem: 
I have met a means fit for my purpose already: Mopsa Dametas' only daughter, is over shoes in love with me, & to her I'll feign extreme ardour of affection, and make her the shadow under which I'll court the true substance of my divine Hippolita.  Lisan. 
About it then, I'll sweat my invention to death but I'll overtake thee; but here comes one of my Butres. I must hear his importunity, for no reasonable denial will brush him of.  Enter the Duke. Basil. 
Zehnane.  Lisan. 
My Liege.  Basil. 
My thoughts come like a sail afore the wind, swollen big with news and thine ears the midwife must deliver me of this burden, my Duchess is sick, heart sick for thee Zelmane.  Lisan. 
For me, why my Lord, I am no Rosa-solis, nor Aqua mirabilis to recover sick folks.  Basi. 
Shall I be short with thee? My lady's in love with thee.  Lisan. 
With me my Lord.  Basil. 
With thee my Lady: her amorous glances are her accusers, her very looks write Sonnets in thy commendations, she carves thee at board, and cannot sleep for dreaming on thee in bed, she's turned sun-riser, haunts private walks, & like a disgraced Courtier, studies the Art of melancholy.  Lisan. 
Now alas good Lady.  Basil. 
Nay never pity her, she deserves none, rather let's bend our endeavours to entangle her more. To see the kindness of Fortune, who fearing we should be acquainted with solitude in this our 12 month retirement, hath begot a domestical merriment, and made our own thoughts actors in't, and as bad a Poet as I am, I'll ha' one scene in't of mine own invention.  Lisan. 
Dametas will storm at that, for he cannot endure Poetry should be countenanced: but how be't my Liege?  Basil. 
'tis ready plotted already, and that the Duchess may not find thee unprovided when she comes to court thee  Lisan. 
Court me, court a woman my Liege.  Basil. 
Why that's the very happiness of the jest, but in any case confess thyself a man.  Lisan. 
A man my liege, I ha' no colour for't.  Basil. 
Tush I'll furnish thee, say thou art some Prince, no matter who, & haste to do with this disguise of purpose to court my daughter Violetta,  Li. 
Is this scene of your own inventing my liege?  Ba. 
Mine own i'faith, and to confirmed the rather, use more oft & private conference with my daughter, interchange discourse & amorous dalliance, oh 'twill set my Duchess affections afire, to think her rivaled by her daughter, and give us smooth passage to our love.  Li. 
How occasion plays the wanton with me. Well my liege, do but you work my admittance to your daughter, & I'll bestow all the art I am worth in courting her, and see, as if Fortune had a hand in our Comedy, she hath entered the Duchess just at her que, shadow yourself in your Ark, & leave me to give her entertainment.  Basil. 
Forget not to personate some Prince in any case.  Lisan. 
I'll warrant you, I'll play the Prince with much art.  Enter the Duchess. Dutches. 
This way he went, on this sweet violet bed  
Still dwells the print of his enamoured tread,  
The depressed flowers have strengthened their sweet  
By stealing amorous kisses from his feet.  Basil. 
Absolute Poet, Penelope was a ballad-maker to her.  Dute. 
Oh do not fly my presence, gentle wanton stay,  
What have I found you, faith you runaway  
I'll tie a chain about your waste for this,  
And make you buy your freedom with a kiss.  Lis. 
Fie madam, this courtesy is more than needs.  Dut. 
Be not so coy, let not a loving Dame  
Find thee less kind than senseless elements,  
Thou never walkst, but the enamoured air  
Like an officious lover bears thy train,  
Whilst the cool wind doth with his velvet wing  
Fan the thin air upon thy sweaty cheek,  
Stealing sweet kisses from thy silken lip.  Lisan. 
Shield this vain breath, beat at some lady's ear.  Dut. 
But you are none, you are not, come you are not,  
Your valour, looks, and gesture show you are not,  
Your manly brow, and your commanding eye,  
Where war and fortune dwell in majesty,  
Your private walks, and varied passions,  
Your glances to my daughter, sure you are not,  
And my firm love is confident you are not.  Ba. 
There's a lover of a right temper, she'll outface the name of her sex instantly.  Lis. 
Well madam, sith your observation hath discovered me, upon promise of your secrecy I confess myself a man.  Basi. 
Good, excellent, how truly she takes my directions.  Dut. 
I knew my judgement could not be deceived,  
Nor durst proud love have done me so much wrong  
To cast my thoughts unto a woman's eye.  Basi. 
Love durst not, good, good, excellent, what next.  Lisan. 
But madam, now I am known to you, what further request you.  Dut. 
Exchange of looks, and freedom of thy bed,  
Thy presence, thy embracements, thy kind love,  
For which my amorous thoughts have long line sick.  Basil. 
Thank you good wife, nay & a Duchess long to give her husbands the horning, let it never grieve butchers to do homage at cuckold's haven.  Lisan. 
Well madam, to give content to your affections, and in a strong hope you will mediate my suit to your daughter, sort out but fit time and opportunity, and master your desires.  Basi. 
And he were a man now I might be rarely tupped.  Dut. 
Give me thy hand then, with this amorous kiss I seal thee mine.  Lis. 
And I confirmed with this.  Basi. 
Rare, rare, rare, she's his sealed and delivered in the presence of her husband.  D. 
Now lest my husband should suspect our love,  Ba. 
Now, what shadow for that now.  Du. 
Hear a good jest, persuade him thouart a woman.  Lis. 
That's not to do now madam, for he as confidently believes and ardently courts me for a woman, as you for a man.  Du. 
Good, excellent, maintain that humour still,  
Seem coy, look nice, and as we women use,  
Be mild and proud, embrace, and yet refuse.  Basil. 
Excellent virtues in a woman.  Du. 
I prithee do, 'twill be a scene of mirth  
For me to quote his passions and his smiles,  
His amorous haviour, and how his eye  
Will beget strange variety of looks.  
And shoot 'em into thine, but the chief sports this  
To see an old man with a young man kiss.  Exit Dut. Basi. 
To see an old Duchess a young Lady kiss.  
Now the plot packs the scenes all comical,  
I cannot speak for laughter, to see these women  
That would be counted wonders for their wit,  
Lay plots to gull themselves, silly conceit,  Lis. 
To take me for a man.  Basi. 
And arm herself  
To laugh at me, make jests and scoffs at me,  
But soothe her humour, the revenge she'd throw  
Upon my head, shall fall on her own brow.  Exit. Lis. 
Upon you both, so, so, so, how greedily their inventions like bugles follows the scent of their own gullery, yet these are no fools, God forbid, not they: but to the drift, mirth in my warm blood sits, laughing at this division of their wits.  Enter Violetta and Hippolita. Hip. 
Wot te believe me sister, I never eat a cherry, but it puts me in mind of a husband, it kisses my lips with such a harmless prettiness.  Vil. 
Now in good deed lo I love 'em a life to, I think I shall never ha' my belly full on 'em.  Hip. 
Of what, not of husbands Violetta.  Vio. 
No, of cherries Hipolita, but take heed of 'em, they be a very filling meat, and dangerous things for us maids I can tell you, we may surfeit after 'em presently.  Hip. 
Surfeit after what, a husband?  Vio. 
I and after cherries to Hippolita.  Hip. 
I warrant you sister, an old lady in Lacedaemon taught me a preservative against that.  Vio. 
For the love of cherries what.  Hip. 
Marry this it was, still said she, betwixt every cherry said she, be sure to crack a stone said she.  Viol. 
Then let me alone, I'll crack a couple a stones betwixt every cherry, rather than surfeit on 'em.  Hip. 
You must take heed you crack not too many to, for you may surfeit of the stone as well as of the cherry.  Vi. 
Nay & they be such dangerous things, I have done with 'em.  Hip. 
So have I to for this time, but sister, is it not a strange kind of servile liberty that we live in here in Archadea?  Vil. 
For all the world as Englishmen keep their felons, & Italians their wines, we never stir abroad without our jailers.  Hip. 
And for what cause forsooth, only to keep us from marriage.  Vil. 
Sure 'tis either some high content, or extreme discommodity, that our father debars us of it.  Hip. 
By this stone methinks I long like a woman with child, till I know the difference betwixt a maid and a wife.  Viol. 
Well, god a mercy of all cursen souls, I was near the knowledge on't last night I can tell you.  Hip. 
O that I had been with thee I might ha' been so to: for love of marriage how?  Vio. 
Why thus: as I lay slumbering in my bed,  
No creature with me but my maidenhead:  Hip. 
Is that a creature?  Viol. 
Some maintain it is.  
Got in the eye, conceived in a kiss:  
Others whose speech seem near akin to truth  
Say 'tis a passion, bred i'th' heat of youth,  
Some callit a sigh, and some an amorous groan,  
All differ in the definition,  
But in the allowed opinion of most,  
'tis never truly had till it be lost.  
But lying thus alone, as maids do use,  
methought I dreamt, as maids can hardly choose,  
And in my dream methought 'twas too much wrong  
A pretty maid should lie alone so long:  
With that a gallant comes, gallants can do  
Much with young maids,  Hip. 
And with old women to.  Vio. 
He courted me once, and again, and thrice,  
'tis virtue to say nay, to be too nice  
Agrees not with my humour, yet some say,  
We maids wish things, to which we answer nay,  
Briefly methought he stood so long a-wooing,  
I rather could ha' wished he had been doing  
Some other business, yet at last we 'greed,  
'twere strange if earnest suitors should not speed.  Hip. 
In what agreed you?  Viol. 
In our wedding ring,  
Time, place, and hour, indeed in every thing:  
The day appointed, and each thing in frame,  
I thought each hour an age until it came,  
Well, come it is, the morning once in sight,  
I thought it ten times longer till 'twas night.  
At dinner time methought I swelled with pride  
To be drunk to by name of Mistress bride,  
Music spoke loud, no delicates were scant,  
Yet still methought another thing did want,  
For sure thought I, there's something in a man  
That wives love well, hope brides may wish it than.  
Long looked for comes at last, to bed we go.  Hip. 
Would I had dreamt I might ha' done so to.  Viol. 
My bed-mate turned, and as he would ha' spoke  
I sweet with fear, and in that fear I woke,  
But seeing my kind bedfellow was gone,  
Lord how it chafed me that I waked so soon,  
One minutes dreaming longer, I had tried,  
The difference twixt a virgin and a bride.  Hip. 
O 'twould ha' vexed a saint, my blood would burn  
To be so near, and miss so good a turn.  Vio. 
And so did mine to I warrant you, nay though I be but a little pot, I shall be as soon hot as another.  Hip. 
You should not be my sister else.  Vio. 
Nor my mother's daughter neither.  Hip. 
And in good earnest we are not fathered much amiss.  Viol. 
Are you advised of that, and i'faith tell me, what think you of your servant Dorus.  Hip. 
As of a sweet Almond in a rugged shell, the sun in a cloud, or a wealthy diamond in a rock, indeed clean contrary to the world, he wears the worst side outward, & is much better than he seems: but what think you of your manly Amazon.  Vio. 
Nay the sport is I know not what to think, Zelmane's humour would afford project for a pretty Court comedy, my father courts her for a woman, and as I fear she is, my mother dotes upon her for a man, and as I wish he were, and that with such an ardour of affection, that I could find in my heart to turn my mother out of the company, and play the lovers part myself.  Hip. 
however man or woman, the jest holds currant in one.  Vio. 
I know not what knavish motion hath had to do with my thought, but my mind tells me that your servant Dorus & my Amazon, are other than they seem: and here he comes.  Enter first Lisander, then Miso, Mopsa, Demetrius. Miso. 
Why how now madam, Ladies gadding, is this the obedience of your father's charge.  Lisan. 
Pardon Mistress Miso, 'twas my doing and the Dukes.  Miso 
But the Duchess will like neither the Duke's doings nor yours neither in this case I can tell you. The Duke stays your coming & yet the duchess is very desirous on't, my husbands is in the next Arbour to man you. For you Lady, my presence be your privilege.  Li. 
Miso should be either a hangman or a Herald, for she never comes amongst us, but she quarters our company and arms.  De. 
Excellent beauty, & therefore more excellent, because situate in so fair a creature.  Mops. 
You are a merry man Dorus, but all this cannot make me think you love me, how say you mother doth he.  Mi. 
Mary let him chose daughter, when I was as thou art.  Hip. 
You were as she is, but faith madam Mopsa, I perceive my servant Dorus bears a month's mind to you, be not so straight laced to him. Mop. Straight laced, sgod mend me I am not laced at all, am I Dorus, no in sooth, I go wide ope Wednesday, I never lace myself but on sundays, & that for fear I should burst with eating of plum porridge. Hip. I mean let fall some comfortable looks on your suitor.  Mop. 
sgod mend me I'll let fall or take up any thing I have to do him good.  Hip. 
Why that's kindly said, & Dorus your love is very ambitious, to climb so high as the beautiful Mopsa.  Mop. 
O are you advised of that, 'twould make a horse break his bridle to hear how the youth of the village will commend me, oh the pretty little pinking nyes of Mopsa says one, oh the fine flat lips of Mopsa says another, and then do I bridle my head like a malt-horse thus, set mine arms a kembo thus, wreath my neck and my body thus, wink with one eye thus, & spread my peacocks tail as broad as the proudest minx of 'em all.  Hip. 
These extraordinary graces must not want admiration, but where's your mother.  Miso. 
Speak softly in the Lobby there, for waking my lady's foisting hound.  Mop. 
Godsme, my mother's stealing of a nap.  Hip. 
Nay, she cannot be said to steal a nap, for the noise she makes herself would discover her theft: but Dorus sith your fortunes are poor, you should study to ennoble your deserts, and beget effects worthy to court and win your lady's acceptance.  Dem. 
Lass madam, I choose no better moderator than yourself, betwixt me and my unworthy services, suppose yourself tho but a cuckoo compared with this sweet singing Nightingale, should be sued to by a prince like me, I mean like me in love, for love in princes & peasants admits comparison: suppose Demetrius should in like disguise court you as I do, Mopsa, sigh for you, as I do, for Mopsa, kneel to you thus, as I do, to Mopsa, lay down his life to you, as I do, to Mopsa, prefer your good before his own, as I protest I do, Mopsa's, suppose he should show you the known mark of his neck, to assure you he were Demetrius, as I do this to Mopsa, to witness I am the son of Menalchas, could your disdain stand out like Mopsa's?  Hip. 
What a keen necessity sets upon the edge of invention, trust me Mopsa your servant speaks well, & if he can prove himself the man he speaks of, and my wishes well hope, Demetrius, you have no reason to think scorn of him.  Mop. 
Why what should I do madam, my mother tells me I must not say as I think.  Hip. 
I am no counsellor, but should Demetrius in like disguise court me, thus would I embrace him, thus seal my affections with a kiss, & thus argue: think not Demetrius that the clouds of baseness could so muffle thee, but that the sun of valour shined through them long since, & in regard of thy serviceable duty in concealing, and unpresented policy in thus making known thy love, sort but out fit opportunity, & in despite of all guardians strict observance, go where thou wilt, the worth of Demetrius shall draw Hippolita, this would I vow, and this will I perform.  De. 
And were I Demetrius & you Hippolita, I would deceive Dametas, outreach Miso, forswear Mopsa, & forsake Archadea to share the fortunes of divine Hippolita.  Mop. 
And what should I do then?  Dem. 
I do but speak in the person of Demetrius, & under Hippolita shadow what I intend to the rare, and never enough wondered at Mopsa, the black swan of beauty, & madge-howled of admiration.  Mop. 
Do not you flout me Dorus, & you do not, provide a priest and I'll marry you, and my father and mother shall never know one.  De. 
Manasses is the man.  Mop. 
And I'll be the woman, whosoever say nay to't, little dreams my mother of what we have done.  De. 
'tmay be she did, for she sighed & ground much in her sleep.  Mop. 
'tis well she was so quiet, for she eat pease porridge to breakfast, & they'll make me break wind in my sleep like a horse, and see as the devil will hate she wakes, and here comes my father, no words and ye love me.  Enter Dametas. Dam. 
Why god a mercy Dorus, this diligence becomes the servant of Dametas, and I'll prefer thee for't.  Hip. 
You were worse than the devil else, for they say he helps his servants, than you may do little & you cannot help yours.  Da. 
Will you break your jests against the bars of you chamber window, & clear the green, the duke is coming to bowls, & I would not for half mine office you should be a rub in the way of his patience: Daughter and Wife, conduct her to the Lodge. Exit .And Dorus. make you haste about your business.  Demet. 
I warrant you Sir: be my hopes rightly placed?  
You will condemn me for my too much haste.  Exeunt. Damet. 
Why so: this 'tis to be in authority: Inferior persons, I and the Princes themselves, fly from my presence, like the chirping Birds from the sight of the Falcon: my very breath like a mighty wind blows away inferior Officers (the Court rubbish) out of my way, and gives me a smooth passage: I am the morning star, I am seldom seen but about the rising of the Sun: indeed I am never out of the Duke's eye; and here he comes.  Enter Duke, Duchess, Lisander, Violet. Duke. 
Doth our match hold.  Dutch. 
Yes, whose part will you take.  Duk. 
Zelmane's.  Dutch. 
Soft, that match is yet to make.  Viol. 
Let's cast a choice, the nearest two take one.  Lis. 
My choice is cast, help sweet occasion.  Viol. 
Come, here's a good.  Lis. 
Well, bettered.  Dutch. 
Best of all.  Lis. 
The Duke and I.  Duk. 
The weakest go to the wall.  Viol. 
I'll lead.  Lis. 
I'll follow.  Viol. 
We have both one mind.  Lis. 
In what?  Viol. 
In leaving the old folk behind.  Duk. 
Well jested daughter, and you lead not fair,  
The hindmost hound, though old, may catch the hate.  Dutch. 
Your last bowl come?  Viol. 
By the faith a me, well led,  Lis. 
Would I might lead you,  Viol. 
Whither?  Lis. 
To my bed.  Viol. 
I am sure you would not?  Lis. 
By this air I would.  Viol. 
I hope you would not hurt me, and you should.  Lis. 
I'd love you sweet.  Viol. 
Sour, so I heard you say.  Lis. 
Accept it then.  Viol. 
Of what acquaintance pray?  Lis. 
Of loves, and mine.  Duke. 
Daughter, your bowl wins one.  Viol. 
None of my Maidenhead Father, I am gone,  
The Amason hath won one.  Lis. 
Yield to that.  Viol. 
The cast I do.  Lis. 
yourself?  Viol. 
Nay scrape out that.  Dutch. 
Whose is it yet?  Lis. 
The Dukes: play smooth and fine,  
The smallest help that is, will make your mine.  Viol. 
Me yours?  Lis. 
Your mine, for though the cast I lose,  
I ha' won your love.  Viol. 
Much: in my other hose.  Dutch. 
Come, the last market this cast is worth all the rest.  Viol. 
The leader as the follower.  Lis. 
Badd's the best,  
I win her for ten crowns, and there they be.  Viol. 
I take your lay.  Lis. 
A match twixt you and me.  Dutch. 
I'll be your half.  Duk. 
That were unkindly done.  Viol. 
Pardon me mother, I'll bear all or none.  Lis. 
I ha' won you Madam.  Viol. 
Me?  Lis. 
I mean your bet.  Viol. 
Then take your winnings, i'll not die in debt.  Lis. 
Madam believe me, I am as I protest, a Prince, my name Lisander.  Viol. 
Look to the Duke's standing Madam.  Dutch. 
So I will I warrant you, and to your falling.  Lis. 
Thus clouded as you see, for your love, my soul speaks in my tongue: I appointed this match at bowls a purpose to acquaint you with it.  Viol. 
bar stealing Father; yet and all hit right,  
here's one would steal a piece of flesh tonight.  Lis. 
Dear Madam.  Viol. 
No more words, I have perceived as much in your eye, as you can express with your tongue, and as far as my mother's jealousy would give me leave, answered it with kind looks: your bias stands wrong mother.  Dutch. 
Why? It stands towards Zelmane's.  Viol. 
Hath it stood so long?  Dutch. 
All the game through.  Viol. 
Then all your game's bold wrong: furnish you with necessaries befitting an escape, & my will shall be as ready to take wing, as yours; put in a cast now mother, or the game is gone indeed.  Dutch. 
Whose is the throw?  Viol. 
Ours, till the last bowl came.  
But that hath wont'em clear, both cast and game.  Lis. 
Our winnings come, a kiss and bate the rest.  Dutch. 
What do you kiss in earnest or in jest?  Viol. 
In earnest in good truth.  Duk. 
Troth, kindly said,  
Take heed you kiss not out your maidenhead.  Viol. 
In jest?  Duk. 
In earnest.  Viol. 
'tis the fashion,  
Much in request among our Nation.  Duk. 
To kiss away their maidenheads?  Viol. 
Now and then,  
And being gone, to kiss it back again:  
For lovers indentures are ne'er fairly drawn,  
Until the maidenhead be left in pawn,  
As earnest of the match, so mothers said,  
And so will daughters do when Mams be dead.  Duke. 
What? pawn their maidenhead?  Viol. 
Yes, and lose'em too.  Dutch. 
And you'll maintain that fashion?  Viol. 
signior Noah.  Music of Bells &c. Duk. 
Lay by this homebred mirth, and prepare your ears to entertain strangers.  Viol. 
Stranger? why Father, Strangers are as welcome to me, as mine own Countrymen; if they bring good manners, & civil humanity in their company: otherwise, they are like foul weather, come afore they be sent for.  Enter Dametas, Manasses, julio, Amintas. Viol. 
Dometas, nay then we shall have news enough; for he never comes into the Presence, but he brings a whole sack full of lies es: of news I should say.  Duke. 
Welcome Dametas: what officious fellow is that?  Dam. 
A pure well-willer of your Majesties, & a follower of mine.  Viol. 
O 'tis Manasses; and he could make Arms aswell as he mars Legs, he would grow in great request for Heraldry: What's your news?  Manas. 
These lacedaemonians, Subjects to your Majesty, having a message to deliver to your majesties instruments of hearing, commonly yclept, ears.  Viol. 
How? Hath any one here, clipped ears?  Manas. 
Sweet Feminine, clip off the tail of thy discourse with the Scissors of attention, as I say, these lacedaemonians have chosen me their tongue.  Viol. 
Of a long tongue thou speakst very little.  Mana. 
That proves me no woman, for they speak over much.  Duk. 
What grievances oppress them? briefly speak.  Ami. 
Merchandise (my Ledge) through the avarice of purchasing Officers, is racked with such unmerciful Impost, that the very name of Traffic grows odious even to the professor.  julio. 
towns so oppressed for want of wonted and natural liberty, as that the native Inhabitants seem Slaves, & the Foreigners free Denizens.  Amin. 
Offices so bought and sold, that before the purchaser can be said to be placed in his Office, he is again by his covetous Patron displaced.  julio. 
Common Riots, Rapes, and wilful Homicide in great men's followers, not only, not punished, but in a manner countenanced and applauded.  Amin. 
Indeed since your Majesty left the Land, the whole body of the Commonwealth runs clean against the bias of true and pristine government.  julio. 
And your honourable Brother, like a Ship tossed upon the violent billows of this Insurrection, by us entreats your majesties Letters of speedy reformation, for fear the whole kingdom suffer inevitable shipwreck.  Duk. 
Which after short deliberation with our Counsel, yourself shall return. Dametas, reward their travails with 200. crowns: in the mean time, let'em taste the best entertainment of our Court.  
Proud Rebels, they shall see that a Duke's frown,  
Can at his pleasure, turn Rebellion down:  
See them rewarded.  Auri. 
Manasses, see the fellows entertained; I must attend of the Duke.  Man. 
Boy, see the fellows entertained? I must wait of my lord.  Boy. 
fellows, be as merry as you may, I must follow my M.  Ami. 
So, here's Petitioners attendance right; good words, and short commons: But 'tis not their entertainment we come for. I made a simple shift to get entertainment into the Court,  Juli. 
Well Cupid, pray for our lives, for and we were gone, I know not where thou wouldst have two such statesmen again.  Ami. 
His Commonwealth could not stand without us: and that his Mother knows well enough: and he sends no better success than we had at our hunting, he loses a friend of me.  Juli. 
'twill not sink in my thought yet, but that old musty slave Dametas played the slave with us.  Ami. 
Would I could prove it once: but since we are again admitted our Realm, shall we be idle? somewhat we'll do, though they'll give us but small thanks for our labour.  Iuli. 
The Duke shall not say his Daughters are so ill beloved, but we'll change a thrust or two with his intent for'em.  Ami. 
'twould put the poor Wenches out of conceit with themselves, and there should not be some contending for'em.  Jui. 
We are in the way to catch the old one, and then our aim deceives not.  Amin. 
We are i'faith: Invention could not weave,  
A quainter web, Suspicion to deceive.  Exeunt. Enter Lisander and Demetrius. Demet. 
Come, pass off this groveling imitation; a lovers thoughts must be ambitious, and like the Eagle, scorning the base air where Kites and Crows lie flagging: mount the clear sky of Invention, & overpeer all hindrances:  
The Ladies themselves are willing.  Lis. 
Ready to embark upon the next tide of occasion whatsoever.  Demet. 
Let me alone to work it then. But here comes my Boy.  Enter Page. Boy. 
'twere more for your credit Sir, and you could say your man: but men & war were worn out of fashion both in a Summer.  Lisan. 
I am of thy belief in that, Boy.  Boy. 
Would my Lord were so to, Sir.  Dem. 
Suppose I were Sir what then?  Boy. 
I should (as many upstarts have done) prove rich: for I believe you would make me your heir.  Demet. 
Is that part of your belief?  Boy. 
A principal point Sir.  Dem. 
Renounce it then, for I believe you'll never be saved by't.  Boy. 
I am sure I cannot lose by't. I believe further, that many Knights, and some Ladies, were never of Gods making.  Lisa. 
Of whose then, wag?  Boy. 
I'll tell you: the Minters quoin Gold, Gold makes Heralds, Heralds make Knight, and Knights stamp Ladies.  Deme. 
And what do Ladies?  Boy. 
They live not idly neither; they make some Knights, and mar many Gentlemen.  Lisa. 
ladies are good workwomen too, then?  Boy. 
Far better than any tailor: they'll make you an end of a suit, especially a Court suit, when all the Tailors in a Country know not how to set a stitch in't.  Dem. 
I am of the belief you are a Knave, Sir.  Boy. 
I had no sayth, should I say you were not.  Lisa. 
Well, what, a Knave?  Boy. 
In a knaves belief Sir.  Dem. 
Because in yours?  Boy. 
Do you say't, and I'll swear't, my Lord.  Dem. 
No more Boy, I am weary of your jests.  Boy. 
That confirms'em to be good Sir.  Dem. 
Your reason for that, Sir?  Boy. 
Because travelers and lovers, are soon weary of goodness.  Dem. 
Goodly ones in deed: but leaving this highway of circumstance; I sent you for Manasses.  Boy. 
The learned Scribe attends you.  Enter Manasses. Dem. 
Will you fall off, Sir?  Boy. 
Like an Apple at Michaelmas, without shaking.  Exit. Lisa. 
Welcome Manassas: I have present employment for thee, in which I must borrow  Man. 
Pardon me madam, I learned of my Lord, to lend nothing without security and pawns.  Lisa. 
'tis not money (Manasses) but counsel and furtherance that we desire.  Man. 
Good counsel is worth good money, madam.  Lisa. 
Thou shalt be well considered; there's twenty Crowns in earnest.  Man. 
Nay madam, this hand's like a fellow, it takes every thing in jest; if you be in earnest, let me feel it here: So Lady, now betwixt earnest and jest, if your Will be ready drawn, before your friend delivered as your deed, and put me in trust to execute it.  Lisa. 
take't, in a word this honest Shepherd, and thy lords daughter madam Mopsa, are man and wife.  Man. 
Man, an woman perhaps; but not man and wife: for though most women have a will to be Ladies, like my Lords wife; yet every Lady have not wit to be a wife, as my lords Daughter. But what good can I do in this?  Lisa. 
O very much: for though they be man and wife by oath and protestation, the chiefest ceremony of all; namely Marriage, is yet unperformed, and hearing that you have ta'en orders.  Man. 
That I have: I have ta'en order for the making away of a hundred Maidenheads in my time, and not so few: but I am in in the mind of you now, these two Beagles, Dorus and Mopsa, have run themselves breathless in the chase of love, you would ha' me couple ''em up in the leases of Matrimony.  Lisa. 
You are in the right.  Manass. 
And you in the wrong, I'll keep your jest, but in any case take back again your earnest: i'll not purchase my Lords displeasure with your gold.  Lisan. 
Thy Lord shall never know't.  Man. 
Oh sir! though my M. hath but bad eyes, he hath exceeding long ears: and though a foreigner may play with a citizen's wooden Dagger, I would not wish any to jest with a courtier's steeled Sword; 'tis seldom drawn but it draws blood.  Lis. 
Tush man, be not so timorous, my credit shall countenance thee: be not an Ass, make use of thy time: thy masters service is no heritage; the world knows he gets under the Duke, thou art a fool, and thou wilt lose under him: there's a hundred Crowns for thee; tush man, thy betters will strain curtsy with allegiance for a bribe.  Mana. 
Madam, could you to every one of these Crowns give me a Kingdom,  Lisan. 
What then?  Man. 
I should ha' more ground than half the Kings in Christendom: here's my hand, I'll do't: my M. is my M. & I love him; but my gold's my God, and I honour it: I'll do't; the time & place?  Lisa. 
Soon in the evening at Adonis chapel. Art resolute?  Ma. 
As your Adamant: think you 'twas fear made me keep out? no 'twas hope of these flattering sweet lipped drabs, I fear to marry my ladies daughter? no nor to go to bed with her neither. Why, I have counterfeited his hand & seal. He has been content with me, to come nearer to him, at his entertainment of the last Ambassador, when he was heat with drinking of healths. As I led him to his Chamber, I nimmed his Chain, and drew his Purse, and next morning persuaded him he lost it in the great Chamber at the Revels. He puts me in trust with his whole estate: he buys Manners, I purchase Farms: he builds houses, I pluck down Churches: he gets of the Duke, and I of the Commons: he beggars the Court, and I beggar the whole Country.  Lis. 
These are notable knavish courses. What breeding hast had?  Man. 
Very good breeding Sir: My great Grandfather was a Rat-catcher, my grandsire a Hangman, my Father a Promoter, and myself an Informer.  Lisa. 
Thou wert a Knave by inheritance.  Man. 
And by education too: but Bawdy Informations growing stale, I gave up my cloak to a Broker, and crept into credit for a Gown, and of Manasses a penurious Informer, I turned Copy, & became Manasses, a most, precise, & illiterate expositor.  Demet. 
Were you a Reader then?  Man. 
And a Writer too Bully; I set some of my Parishioners Wives such Copies, as their Husbands might cast their caps at it, but could never come near.  Lis. 
But and you used such a high and elevate style, your auditories low and humble understandings should never crawl over't.  Man. 
Tush I could fashion the body, of my discourse fit to the ear of my auditor: for to cast Eloquence amongst a company of Stinkards, is all one as if a man should scatter Pearl amongst the hoggish animals yclept Swine: no I had paraphrastical admonitions of all sorts; Some against covetous Landlords, and that would I squirt amongst beggarly Tenants: Some against Usurers, and that would I throw in at Prison Grates amongst prodigal Banquets: Some against the pride of the Court, and that honeys the ear of the Citizen: Some against the fraud of the City, and that's Cake and Cheese to the Country: Some against Protestants, and that's plumps the lazy Catholic against Papist and Protestant, and that fattens the rank witted Puritan, against Papist, Puritan, and Protestant; and that tickles the ear of the luxurious Atheist.  Lisa. 
Why you never light upon any Atheists, do you?  Man. 
Oh very many.  Lisan. 
In the Country perhaps, and the outskirts of the city?  Man. 
In the very bosom of the City: and by your leave, here and there one in the Court too: But we fixed 'em all; for in deed we wandering Lights, have (as other tradesmen have) Commodities of all sorts, and prizes.  Lis. 
How do they come by them?  Man. 
As many do by Offices, steal into them ere the Duke be aware of 'em.  Lisa. 
Some buy'em at Booksellers stalls; but the best they bespeak of Poets.  Lisa. 
methinks Poets of all men, should not edify, they are so envious.  Man. 
One to another, to nobody else: a proud Poet is for all the world like a Punk in request, covetous of many Clients, when she hath more than she can handsomely play off: You shall have some Poet (Apollo's Vicar, especially) write you a comical, Pastoral, Tragical, Musical history in prose, will make the auditor's eyes run a water like so many waterspouts: I had one of them myself, and your ears be in case, I'll give you a taste on't; his argument was fet out of the Poem called, The lost sheep: and thus it is.  Lis. 
Prithee be brief?  Man. 
Nay peace, and it were in place where you might wake, the best men in the parish, for commonly they sleep the beginning, because they love not division: but to the lost Sheep. Beloved, you must imagine this Sheep was a Sheep, a lost Sheep; a Sheep out o' the way: but my dear flock and loving Sheep, whom like a careful Shepherd, I have gathered together with the whistle or pipe, as it were of mine eloquence, into this sold of peaceful Community; Do not you stray do not you fly out, do not you wander, do not you lose yourselves; but like kind Sheep, and valiant Rams: I speak to you the better part and head of my flock. As I say, you shall see the valiant Rams turn all their horns together, and appose themselves against the Wolf, the hungry Wolf, the greedy Wolf, the lambs-devouring Wolf, the Wolf of all Wolves, to defend their ewes and young ones. Durst you say all your heads together, and with the horns of your Manhood defend your families, your own wives, and your neighbour's children: Was not this stinging gear?  Lis. 
A good Sheepish admonition.  Man. 
The fitter for my Audience: while you live, have a ear to fit your Audience.  Lis. 
Thou speak'st like a Christian: prithee what Religion art of?  Man. 
How many sooner I make use of, I'll answer with Piavano Orllotto the Italian: I profess the Duke's only.  Demet. 
What's his reason for that?  Man. 
A very sound reason: for says he, I came Raw into the world, and I would not willingly go roasted out, so close up the stomach of your Discourse with that dry answer, and every man about his business.  Lis. 
You'll be mindful of to morrow-night.  Man 
As your Lawyer of the Term, or your Landlord of the Quarter day.  Dem. 
Why so: the mettle I must forge my plot on, lies a warming in the furnace of my brain; and I must fashion it Instantly, for fear it burst the heat. Give my conceit way, for here comes one must help to proportion it.  Exit Lisan. Enter Dametas. Damet. 
How now Demetrius, what wind hath blown up this storm of melancholy, thy countenance was not wont to be thus cloudy? Whence proceeds this sudden alteration?  Dem. 
From mine own hard fortune my Lord, that my ill-starred nativity should continue thus opposite.  Dam. 
Art crossed in a suit at Court? or what's the matter? speak.  Dem. 
I'll acquaint your Honour: I hope no other ear overhears us, Under Diana's Oak I found an inscription upon a stone, which told me, that wealth Aristomeres sometimes brought into Archa, had there under hid a massy sum of treasure.  Dam. 
Under Diana's Oak? Dorus shall have my daughter Mopsa: no more words on't, and thou lovest me Dorus: smother thy golden hops a day or two; thou shalt have Mopsa, but I'll have all the Gold, then mary my daughter to some great man, though he be poor, 'tis the fashion: I'll be Nobly allied whate'er it cost me: shalt be my Son in law Dorus: have an eye to the Princess, fall close to my daughter Mopsa,  
Court her and spare not: now begins the sport,  
Kiss her, do kiss her; thou shalt pay sweetly for't:  
I can gull you, know what fair words can do,  
I'm an old Knave, and a young Courtier too.  Exit. Dem. 
So, so; how violently he devours his bane, and steals himself into the order of Gullery: methinks I see how betwixt hope and fear he sweats in his practice, and like a foolish dreamer, casts how to lay out his wealth before it comes in. So much for him: Now to my Lady Beauty his wife; and as the Devil would ha''t, here she comes.  Enter Miso. Miso. 
Dorus, how now Dorus 'What time a day is't with you?  Dor. 
What time a day soever'rt be with me, 'tis sleeping time with my Lord, I'm sure of that.  Mis. 
Sleeping time Dorus, what dost thou mean by that?  Dor. 
Nay nothing: he is troubled with a kind of malady called jusurectio carnis.  Miso. 
How, a dish of Crevices? nay and that be the worst, good enough: I am glad 'a falls to Fish, for he was given to Flesh a late too too bad.  Dor. 
Mass I thought as much, for I saw him go a angling.  Miso. 
I hold my Ladyship to some strumpet.  Dor. 
Life, a jealousy; I think you are a Witch, 'twas so indeed.  Miso. 
Nay I thought as much: he was wont to kiss me, and do all kindness a man could do, till he came to the Court; and now he will not lie with me forsooth: and why? 'tis the Court fashion. He will not love me, and why? 'tis the Court fashion. I must not come near him at his down lying, nor his uprising, etc. And this be the Court fashion, would I were an honest woman of the Country again, be Courtiers who list. ay, ay, Dorus, I tell thee in tears, he hath not done by me, as a Husband should do.  Dor. 
'tis nothing to me, I cannot do withal Madam, would I could.  Mis. 
Yes mary mayst thou Dorus; thou mayst, and shalt do withal too and thou wilt: but as thou lookest to enjoy my daughter Mopsa, acquaint me with the old Foxes starting hole.  Dor. 
That's past my cunning: the old Fox has more holes than one, to hide's head in: But not to go long about the bush with you.  Mis. 
No good Dorus, I do not love a man should go long about my bush: What is she for a woman?  Dor. 
I know not what she is for a woman; marry I fear she's little better than a Whore for your Husband: hark in your ear; she's Manasses wife.  Miso. 
Manasses wife? marry fire Master gunner; a Puritan turned Punk: Gods my precious. I'll slit her nose, as I am a Lady will I: is she the party you wot on?  Dor. 
Yes faith Madam, she is the Mare the man rid on.  Mis. 
I'll spoil their sport, saddle my Mule there, have an eye to the princess: shalt ha' my daughter and be but to spite him withal, faith Fox i'll ha' you out of your hole, or i'll fire you out.  Dor. 
Nay that will do no good, but for your own good Madam, take heed you do not scold.  Mise. 
Why may not a Lady scold Dorus?  Dor. 
Scold, O in no case, 'twill mar a Lady's beauty clean, and make her look as hard favoured at any ordinary woman.  Mis. 
Godamercy for that Dorus, I'll not lose my beauty for twenty on'em: saddle my Mule, bring me my chopping knife, I'll gold the lecherous Goat, and mince his Trull, as small as herbs to the pot. This is not scolding Dorus, is't?  Dor. 
No this is tolerable.  Mis. 
Nay then I care not, saddle my Mule I say, let her pray God her feeling be good, for as I am a Lady, I'll not leave her an eye to see withal, and yet I will not scold neither.  Exit. Dor. 
Oh take heed of that at any hand, So, so, so: now it begins to quicken methinks, I see already how she runs a-tilt at the Wenches eyes: calls the maid bawd, the woman Whore, and her husband Lecher: and when all comes to all, like an Irish Wolf, she barks at her own shadow; but committing her and her Ass to their wild-goose chase: now to my sweet heart Mopsa, for she's all the blocks last in my eye to stumble on: and God bless my wits, for the fool haunts me.  Enter Mopsa. Mops. 
Dorus, where's my Father Dorus?  Dor. 
Your Father, Oh my dear Mopsa?  Mop. 
Nay now you flout me?  Dor. 
Flout you? oh the fair heavens, but this t's for a man to cast away himself in violence of passion and extremity of sighs on a piece of beauty, that cares not for him, but it is the tricks on you all.  Mop. 
Tricks, no as god mend me, and I should not have a husband till I got him with tricks, I should lead apes in hell: but faith tell me, dost thou love me Dorus?  Dor. 
Do I love you quoth ye, It cuts my very heart strings, do I love you? why 'tis the only mark my Inqeuors she or at.  Mop. 
If thou dost not hit the mark, than thou'rt a very bungler: but where is my Father?  Dor. 
Why I have sent him and your mother out of the way of purpose, and appointed Manasses to meet us this evening at Adonis' Chapel in the Amasons apparel, to marry us: I think this are signs I love you.  Mop. 
ay but you jest, I doubt you will not marry me.  Dor. 
Will you mere me there?  Mop. 
As I am a Virgin I will.  Dor, 
And come with an intent to marry me?  Mop. 
As I hope to be a wife I will.  Dor. 
You must take heed you keep our purpose close,  Mop. 
As I did the loss of my Maidenhead.  Dor. 
Why have you lost it then?  Mop. 
Many a dear day ago, yet I told Nobody on't but my Mother and our horse-keeper, and they say I am near the worse maid for that, and I can keep my own counsel, as I hope I shall; but will you meet me soon?  Dor. 
just in the midway, as Tilters do.  Mop. 
I'll go afore and stay, but do not deceive me, and you do, I'll show my Father's horse-keeper all as God mend me.  Dor. 
So tria sequntur tria, now am I rid of a triumviry of fools,  
and by there absence have won a free access to an escape.  
If my Lisander's hope prove like to this,  
This night shall Crown us Monarchers of our bliss.  Exit. Enter Duke and Lisander. Duke. 
No more of these delays sweet Madam, your love hath broken day oft with my expectance, I dare give it trust no longer.  Lisa. 
I confess it my Liege, and like a spent dear, not able to maintain longer flight, I cast myself down breathless at your loves mercy: yet I beseech your Majesty, let not your eager desires, practise any present violence upon my yielding chastity: 'twas only possession of my love you had in chase, which with convenient time & place purchased, I put your grace in full possession of.  Duk. 
Although thy Breath be never but Musical, yet it never taught the string of true happiness till now: and to approve thy heart sets hand to thy word, appoint the time.  Lisa. 
Then this present evening (and yet my Virgin blood, and ashamed to consent to the betraying of my modesty) meet me at Adonis' bower, where i'll make tender of subdued chastity to your high Majesty, as my first & most victorious conqueror.  Duke. 
By my Imperial Globe, and hope of those joys, thy presence shall bring to enrich me with, i'll meet thee, and make thee Queen over the most submiss Captive that ever love took prisoner.  Lisa. 
If you deceive me.  Duke. 
Not except warm life,  
Deceive my voice of their innative heat.  
Then haste slow time, exchange thy leaden fleet,  
For Hormes wings till I my fair hopes meet.  
But locked once in the arms of my delight,  
Cloth all the world in an eternal night.  
And steed of morning when the Sun should rise,  
They shall see two in my Zelmane's eyes.  Exit. Lisa. 
So farewell thought I, I have prepared you a Zelmane's answerable to your expectation.  
Then triumph in thy will, and let thy thoughts  
Proclaim a jubilee: my teeming hope:  
Are now delivered of a gracious birth,  
Which I have Christened, opportunity.  
Unto whose shrine in honour of this day,  
My thoughts shall hold a monthly sacrifice,  
Love grant Demetrius, meet the like success,  
Our pains are crowned with double happiness.  Enter Julio and Aminter julio. 
Only our disguises hold firm, but all other attempts meet untimely deaths, even in their cradles.  Amin. 
What and we should acquaint the Ladies with our intents.  Julio. 
'twould argue a kind of cowardice in our wits, that ha' such suspectless admittance to there presence, as this disguise hath purchased us, we should not have that ability of inventure to entangle'em in their own security.  Amint. 
Well howsoever, we must not dwell long determining for the liberty of stay with Dametas, who out of his covetous disposition in detaining our reward, allowed us the eldest day of our licent abode at Court, is run out.  Juli. 
'tis very true, and for my part, I'll rather go home with a private repulse, then managing any unlikely attempt, become sufferer under a public disgrace.  Ami 
That's my very thought, yet that our second arrival be not altogether empty of employment, let's practise something upon Dametas, and acquaint the world with his coward baseness; in which, he not only detracts from his master's bounty, but look how as Conduit head or master-spring that is poisoned, doth his best, to infect the whole body of the court, with the leprosy of his covetousness.  Juli. 
There's no action of his begetting can be said to be truly honourable.  Ami. 
How can they when there Father's a apparel, the Duke out of his honourable bounty commanded him to reward our travails with 200. crowns: and now after two months attendance, and enforced delays: In which time an ordinary petitioner might have spent the value of the reward, he packs us off with 50. crowns, his excuse being that his master hath forgot us, and what he doth, is of his own bounty, as if the Moon should brag she gave the world light, when all the luster she hath, comes from the heat of the Sun.  Juli. 
Should his villainies be suffered to prosper, they would grow to such height, as the Duke's authority should ha' much trouble to prune them.  Ami. 
To prevent which, his majesty shall have private note of it, knew we in whose trust to conduct it.  Iuli. 
'tis an Office very few dare undertake, he is so riveted to the Duke's good opinion.  Amt. 
Lies there no jar twixt none of the Nobility and him, what say you Zelmane's?  Juli. 
The gallant, Amason: you could not ha' cast your choice fitter, for her honourable mind maintains deadly feud against his base proceedings: and here she comes, attended by Dametas' servant, let's wait on opportunity.  Enter Lisander and Demetrius. De. 
Lisander.  Lis. 
Demetrius.  Iulo. 
Lisander and Demetrius, stand close, of my life we are come to the birth of some notable knavery.  Amt. 
How blows the winds of our hopes?  Lisand. 
Fair to the point of our expectation, I have made away the Duke and the Dutch.  Dem. 
How made away them? poisoned them.  Lis. 
with a confection of love, which I have so tempered with fair promises, as their minds are in loves heaven already: Videlicet in Adonis bower, where this evening I have given 'em my word to meet 'em; but I have so cast it, that Manasses shall meet 'em in my steed.  Dem. 
'twill be a rare scene of mirth, to hear what costly discourse the i'll bestow upon the fool in thy outside.  julio. 
Do you hear that.  Ilipo. 
yes, thank love and my ears, but list the conclusion.  Lisa. 
I have cleared the way to Violetta, but what order hast thou ta'en, with thy burbolts: Dameta, Myso, and amorous Mopso.  Damet. 
shot 'em away, at three several marks, yet so conveyed it that in the end they shall all meet at Adonis' chapel.  Lisan. 
This project cannot but bring forth some notable deceit.  julio. 
My hopes should want of thyer will, and it do not.  Lisand. 
Now we have made a smooth passage to our escape, how shall convey our lover out of the Island.  Dem. 
I have determined of that sir, and better to effect, my boy this time hast cast such a bait of knavery to the two Captains, Kalader and Philinax, as we may pass without suspicion.  Lisan. 
But how for transportation.  De. 
I am furnished of that to, you remember the two Lacedemon intelligencers  Ilip. 
Now what of us.  julio. 
Hold my life, we shall be put in this scene of gullery.  Lisan. 
Oh in any case.  Dem. 
For the love of Cupid do, inquiries past, let's take our entrance, and pass over the stage like mules, to furnish out a show.  Lisan. 
And see occasion like a kind wench presents 'em in the very instant my honest friends welcome, have you not your dispatch with a letter to Lacedaemon.  Amt. 
Madam we have, and stay only to take our leaves of your Ladyship, and know what service your honour will command.  Lisan. 
you have my thanks, for the truth is, I must commit business of much import unto your trust, and to prevent much circumstances take my word, you are not ignorant of the Kings general challenge.  julio. 
About his daughters.  Lis. 
you understand me, with these few crowns receive my mind which is to convey the 2, ladies whom we in these disguises have won to Lacedaemon,  Amt. 
were we but confirmed of your of estates.  Lis. 
we'll give your sufficient assurance of that and the princesses themselves shall confirm it.  julio, 
we crave no better madam, but shall we not ha' yours honours company.  Lisa. 
No: having brought them aboard, we'll make return to the Duke, to let him understand we stole not our prizes but won them manfully at the point of wit.  Amt. 
A noble resolution.  julio. 
His foil will appear the more palpable, and your conquest the more applausable, where shall we receive the Ladies.  Dem. 
Be that our care, but on your lives be heedful of your safeties.  Amt, 
More than of our own my lord,  Dem. 
Enough whilst you attend we'll to the Duke, and play all gulls or none.  julio. 
All Gulls indeed since you had follies whip,  
No gulls, to all gulls, fools love fellowship.  Exeunt. Enter miso and Mop. miso. 
Look well to mine Ass there, lord how I sweat with anger; this same's the house sure, and now like a wise Lady let me count my hurts, and see how I shall be revenged: it shallbe so, i'll have 'em both carted, and manasses shall go afore like a whiffler and make way with his horns, where be these whores: open the door, where be these pan dear: O that I were not a lady: I could scold like a butter-whore,  Ent, wife. 
whose's there a God's name, lord for his mercy is the woman mad.  miso: 
yes I thank ye for't: horn mad, where's your companion whets the old lecherous goat my husband, open the door I say.  wife. 
jesus for thy mercy sake madam, what do I want.  Miso. 
what do I want, the chief implement a woman should have I want that as a woman cannot be without, I mean my husband, I want.  wife, 
your husband, I saw him not as I am an honest woman.  mi. 
not as you are an honest, so I think, but as you are an arrant whore you did, you must have your Crevices with a pox cannot City Manchet and fresh cod-serve your turn, but you must have Court cakebread and Crevishes with a vengeance, but come give me my husband, or i'll have him out of the flesh on thee, and yet I will not scold neither.  wife 
Pray Madam ha patience: what should your husband do here  mis. 
That which he should do at home with his wife, and he were worth his ears.  wife, 
Lady I protest I do not know him,  miso. 
Not know him thou liest in every vain i'th' heart thou liest, thou knowest him, and as Adam knew eve thou knowest him, he hath been as inward with thee, as ever he was with me, he hath by his own confession he hath, & thou deniest it, thou liest in thy throat like a Puritanical whore as thou art, O that I were a butter-whore for an hour I might scold a little.  wife 
Madam they are no honest men that bring these tales to you  mis. 
Men bring tales to me, I defy thee in thy guts, I defy thee, men bring tales to me, thou takest me to be one of thine own church dost: they are no honest men that bring tales to thee and ha wives of their own, and my husband's one of them, go thy ways now.  wife. 
I beseech you madam do but hear me.  mis, 
Hear thee, I have heard too much of thee, too too much too much, where's my husband, bring forth my husband, i'll teach him to put a difference betwixt joan and my lady I hold him ten pound on't, and yet I will not scold neither, and I had been an old hag past teeming as his whore is a puritan, it had bid somewhat, but being a woman of Gods making, and a lady of his own, and wearing mine own hair which is much in a lady of my standing I can tell you, to use me thus, flesh and blood cannot endure, let me come in, open the door let me come in, O that I were any vile thing in the world but a lady that I might scold a little.  Exeunt Enter Kalander and philanax Demet, boy. Boy. 
So so, so, take your places, for the same bald pated oak is the stage, where ye shall see the part of a doting fool performed by an old man and a young wench,  
Do worshipful Dametas,  
The same man,  
Hath he no fellow actors in his most lamentable, comical, historical, tragical, musical, pastoral.  Boy 
None that require any mouthing but his Ass and himself, marry then he has Signer mattock, a very sharp satirical humorist, and Monsieur le spade, but he goes somewhat more bluntly to his business, yet he'll serve for mutes, and as good as the best to furnish out the stage.  Kal, 
But dares Dorus being but Dametus servant so abuse his mad master thus grossly.  Boy 
O Lord Sir, their ha been serving men have done their Masters far greater abuse, yet had their wives concealed it, their ears should never have been acquainted with it.  Phi. 
Is that a fashion in request.  Boy 
Altogether I'll assure you, but obedience Gentleman the scene begins.  Enter Damet as with mattock and spade kal. 
Pray God it be good he stays so long,  
Ridiculous enough, and good enough.  Dame. 
So, stand Ass, stand gentle Ass.  Ka. 
What countrymen is his Ass he speaks so familiarly to him.  Boy 
Ath City breed, marry he picks up his living ath burrs and nettles that grow about the Court gate.  Dam. 
be in readiness good mattock, play thy part sweet spade, let me see Diana's oak? I held Diana's oak divine, true pure gold honest, Dorus, fortunate Dametas.  Ka. 
An excellent comedian, what life he puts into his part.  Da. 
So, by thy leave stone, by thy patience honest stone, the very gravel savours of treasure, this same's the bed chamber of my Lady Pecunia, and see, see some of her golden hairs, more, more, more yet divine tree, pure gold, honest Dorus, fortunate Demetrius, softly, softly, not to fast, let me not devour my content too greedily least like a cormorant I take a surfeit on't.  Phil. 
Oh take heed of that master in any case.  da. 
Pure mettle, excellent gold: but let me see now, I shall by computation have some three millions of them, I some three or four millions, how shall I employ 'em to make the most profit of 'em.  da. 
That would be known indeed.  da. 
I'll put out one million to use, after the rate of seven score to the hundredth: and yet I won't, no fie, for then you will ha' my humour brought ah stage for a usurer; to prevent with scandalous report, i'll put it into my scribe-major's hand, and he shall deal for me.  Kal: 
There's is a simple cloak to cover his villainy.  Phil: 
'tis a very short one,: and passing 'slight to hide his knavery.  boy. 
it cannot chose but be seen through,  dam: 
another million i'll lay to bestow in Offices. I will have wealth or i'll rake it out ath kennels else, chimneys ha' smoked for already, and now i'll deal upon seacoal and salt, now, now, now, it comes, sweet gold, honest Dorus, fortunate Demetrius, divine gold, how, how, shall I adore thee, O let me do the homage of my knees: now now, for the tongue of a Poet, though I hate poetry worse than any of the seven deadly sins, I could wish myself a Poet for some hour, to write a Poem in the praise of my divine mistress; and see the very bed wherein her divinity is lodged: happy, happy, thrice  boy. 
happy Dametas, now like an o'erjoyed lover, let me open the sheets of my heavenly mistress, with reverence, so with humble reverence, and like a blushing lover that puts out the light ere he presumes to touch the bed of his love so let me darken the candles of my body, mine eyes, and first bless my hands with touching, next enrich mine ears with hearing, and lastly make happy my eyes with with seeing, and let them convey the joy down into the bosom of my thoughts, by degrees, softly by degrees.  Phi: 
Did you ever see Ass make such a ceremonious preparation  dam: 
be not offended sweet mistress that I presume to touch.  phil: 
a fools head of your own,  Kal: 
Has 'a been at any cost of all this invocate for a coxcomb and a bell.  phil: 
beshrew my judgement but he deserves it,  boy: 
And his desert were near so much, he could but bear away the bell, and so you say he doth:  da: 
A coxcomb and a bell, oh indignity: damnable oak, vile and evil accursed Dorus, unfortunate Dametas, Diana I tell thee thou art no honest gods to use a Gentleman thus. What here a writing, your help good spectacles, lend me your help good spectacles, some comfortable news good spectacles:  
Who hath his hire hath well his labours placed,  
Earth thou didst seek, and store of earth thou hast.  
He that vain hopes pursues for love of pelf,  
Shall lose his wits and likely find himself,  
Then think thy pains rewarded well,  
Thou broughst the fool, bear back the bell:  
Of other matters what ensues  
Adonis' bower shall tell the news,  
Villainous poetry, I am made a flat fool by poetry,  
But though I can do 'em no further disgrace, my fatal curse,  
a Wronged gentleman's fatal curse dwell ever upon them, Diana  
hear me, and let my words find gracious acceptance.  Kal. 
Hide your heads, the terrible curse comes like a stone upon you  Da. 
Rancour, spite, malice, hate, and all disasters,  
Strengthen my faith against all portastor.  
May their intents tho pure as crystal glasses,  
Be counted faults and capital trespasses,  
O may their lives and laboured industry,  
Though worthy of Apollo's plaud it be  
The clearest thought in loyalty excelling  
Be by some Dor presented for libeling,  
when they have writ a scene in which their brains,  
Have dropped there dearest sweets, and their swollen veins,  
Emptied their Conduits of their purest spirit,  
As they stand gaping to receive their merit,  
In stead of plaudities their chiefest blisses  
Let their deserts be crowned with mews and hisses:  
Behind each post and at the gallery corners,  
Sit empty gulls, slight fools and false informers,  
Let some sly Fox out of discretion's embers,  
Term them the lands unnecessary members,  
And like the dear when they have spent their breath,  
to make king's sport let them be torn to death,  
Even by their friends, 'twould set my thoughts a twanging  
Might I but see one of them go to hanging.  1 Capt. 
A passing strange curse and no question he has traveled far for some of the rhymes,  2 Cap. 
He must travail further that finds any reason in't,  1 Cap. 
No matter for reason theirs rhyme enough and that be good.  2 Cap. 
Some: of it is no better than it should be, or my judgement deceives me.  1 Cap. 
Sure he had some reason to make this rhyme, and a man could pick it out,  2 Cap, 
rather than i'll be counted inquisitive, mine ears shall content themselves with the rhymes only, and leave the reason to the scanning of poets whom it more nearly concerns.  1 Cap, 
But where's the wag that invited us to this banquet of mirth shrunk in the wetting?  2 cap: 
'ttwere a rare jest now if whilst the boy kept us here in expectation of Dametas' gullery his M: had made an escape with the duke's daughters,  1 cap: 
that or some knavery else upon my life, I had the boy in shroud suspicion at the first.  2 cap. 
And this his sudden and stolen departure, confirms it currant  2 cap: 
then we are sped, for in suspicion's face,  
I see some subtle stratagem in chase.  Enter miso and Maenasses' wife? Wife: 
Will your lordship believe me now: nay and I sayit your worship may swear't, though I have but a (poor as to say) hole of mine own I hope the spirits have more denomination over me, than to make it a common slaughter house of carnality where every jack may command flesh for his money,  miso: 
No more words sweet woman I confess I was in the wrong, there is not the hole the Fox hides his head in: and therefore for the love of womanhood conceal mine errors, for howsoever I complained 'tis thy forehead aches, thy temples ha' the terrible blow as the say, thy husband is a bad man.  wife, 
my husband:  miso: 
ay, ay, good woman thy husband: he is as I say a fleshly member and I fear he hath overcome the foolish thing my daughter.  Wife 
your daughter i'll slit her nose by this light and she were ten ladies, 'twas not for nothing my husband said he should meet her this evening at Adonis' chapel, but and I come to the godspeed on't, I'll tell 'em on't soundly?  miso: 
I do good woman tell 'em on't, & spare not but in any case do not scold.  Wife: 
Why may not a gentlewoman scold in a good case:  miso: 
I know not what a gentlewoman do in a good case, but a lady must not in any case:  Wife: 
though I may not scold I may tell 'em roundly on't I hope,  miso: 
that may you do law,  Wife: 
and i'll not be mealy mouthed I warrant 'em, will you bear me company to the chapel madam?  miso. 
with all my heart mistress, what Dorus hath given me, i'll give my friend, no fool to company.  Exeunt.   


Actus quinti, scena prima.  Enter the duke at adonis bower 
Farewell bright sun thou lightner of all eyes  
thou fallst to give a brighter beam to rise.  
Each tree and shrub were trammels of thy hair,  
But these are wire, for none but kings to wear,  
And my rude tongue striving to blaze her forth,  
Like a bad artsman doth disgrace her worth,  
but here's the place, upon this crystal stream:  
Where Cytherea did unyoke her team  
Of silver doves, to interchange a kiss  
With young Adonis shall I meet my bliss:  
The gentle minutes crowned with crystal flowers,  
Losing there youths, are grown up perfect hours,  
To hasten my delight, the bashful moon  
that since her dalliance with Endymion,  
Durst never walk by day is under sail,  
In steed of sheets has spread her silver vail,  
Each gliding brook and every bushy tree  
Being tipped with silver were her livery,  
And the dim night to grace our amorous wars,  
Hath stuck nine spheres full of immortal stars,  
Instead of pearls the way on which she treads  
Is strew with Crystal dew and silver beads.  Enter Duchess. 
She comes, her feet makes music with the ground,  
And the chaste air is ravished with the sound,  
My soul flies forth to meet her: hell my wife,  
Her presence like a murderer drives the life  
Out of my pleasure breast, her jealous eye  
Envies the heaven of my felicity.  Dut. 
Zelmane, or my husband life or hate.  K. 
What makes old Autumn out a bed so late,  
that snow should go a-wooing to the sun  
When one warm kiss works her confusion.  Dut. 
I have the jest, suspicion that keeps  
Court in my husband's thoughts, seeing my love,  
Elect this walk, hath brought him after him.  K. 
She dogs her fure, and she to shake her off Hath ta'en some other walk I'll place mine ear in distance of her will.  Dut. 
Could I but hear the innocent delivery of his breath, 'twould be a second jubilee of mirth.  Da. 
Here comes my love.  Enter Manasses like Lisander. Dut. 
your love? Alas poor Duke,  
Your forward hopes will meet a barren spring,  
My sun appears.  Da. 
Fie your love speaks too loud,  
Your suns eclipsed, your date upon a cloud.  Dut. 
See how his arms like precious phoenix wings,  
Spread to embrace me.  Da. 
Now the cuckoo sings,  
Those amorous arms do make a golden space  
To hug a Duke.  Dut. 
But i'll fill up the place.  Da. 
Those fingers tipped with curious porphyry,  
Staining Pygmalion's matchless imagery,  
Like amorous twins all of one mother nursed,  
Contend in courtesy who should touch me first.  Dut. 
should touch me first: their strife is undertook,  
To twine a young bay not a far stooping oak.  Da. 
Young bay, stale lest, that a dry sapless rind  
should hold young thoughts, and a licentious mind,  
Were he but gone now.  Dut: 
Were the Duke away,  
My hope, had got the better of the day.  Man: 
This is Adonis' chapel, I wonder they come not, though I bear a little learning about me, and a few good clothes, I would not wish 'em to make balam's ass a me: for though many fools take no felicity but in wearing good clothes (though they be none of their own) I have a further reach in me.  Da: 
I could ban my stars.  Dut: 
I curse my fate.  Da: 
That cross me thus.  Dut: 
Make me unfortunate.  Da: 
Alas good lady, how her pretty feet labour to find me.  dut: 
that my hopes should meet such black events.  da: 
O would the trindly night darken herself.  Dut. 
Would the Moon lose her light,  
That in the bosom of some foggy cloud  
I might embrace my love.  Duke 
But night is purblind  
To make a Duke a slave.  Dut. 
To make a Duchess  
wrestle with amorous passions.  Duke 
life a spleen  
Could my rough breath like a tempestuous wind,  
Blow out heavens candles, leave the world stark blind,  
That it might either have no eyes to see:  
Or use those eyes it hath to pleasure me.  Dut. 
Or use those eyes it hath to pleasure me.  man. 
Who would ha' thought the cold had been so good a musician: how it plays upon my chaps, and maketh my teeth skip up and down my mouth like a company of virginal jacks, but I find small music in it, and Mopsa should come now I could do her little good, yet and she were here, she and I would have about at cob-nut or at cherry-pit or somewhat to keep ourselves from idleness, though she be but a fool, the babbles good enough to make sport with all in the dark and that very word hath started her.  Enter Mop. Mop, 
whose's there Manasses.  man, 
yes Mopsa.  mop. 
plain  Mop. 
I might be madam Mopsa in your mouth, goodman &c. where's Dorus.  man, 
why because he will not be said to make too much haste to a bad bargain, he is not come yet,  mop, 
not come, a peascod on him, but als one I thought at first he would make but a fool on me.  man, 
would you have him mend God's workmanship?  mop, 
But chose him, since he hath buld me with an urchin, i'll go fetch Raph our horsekeeper, let him that got the calf keep the cow in a knaves name and he will, ha' you your book here.  man, 
no matter wench, I can dote well enough without book,  mop. 
Nay and ye can dote well enough yourself, I care for neither of them both, but indeed I love to have a thing well done, for says my mother, a thing once well done, is twice done, and I am in her mind for that up and down,  Dut, 
whose's with my Lord the Duke, it cannot be,  
Mine eye would not conceal such treachery.  Dut, 
'tis not the Duchess sure, no it is amorous jove,  
that seeing Zelmane passionate for love,  
Descends to comfort her, jove if there be  
A powerful Phoebus' God of poetry,  
In dear remembrance of fair Daphne's rape,  
to win my love, lend me some stranger shape,  
Such as yourselves have worn, that when your fame  
is sung by poets, they may cote my name,  Dut, 
Sure 'tis my daughter,  Duke 
Daughter: how her eye  
Cuts out new forms, new shapes of jealousy:  Dut. 
As sure as death 'tis she, for see they stand  
like amorous twins, entwisted hand in hand,  
Breast against breast, and that no joy be missing,  
To hear discourse, their lips keep time with kissing,  
I'll not endure impatience grow strong,  
And though a prince, tell him he doth thee wrong.  duke 
Do prithee do, this sweetens all the rest,  
But here would be the elixir of the jest,  
if whilst we kept each other at a bay,  
A third should come, and bear the hare away.  Enter dametas. dam. 
villainous poetry, unchristian like poetry, I am cozened of my gold by poetry, robbed of my charge by poetry, made an apparent fool by poetry villaInous Oak, accursed Dorus, unfortunate Dametas: whose's there my daughter and with Zelmane? a well-willer to Dorus, a favourite to poetry, and therefore enemy to Dametas, come hither mop so, a thy father's blessing come not near her: what Mopsa.  mop. 
yes, whose's there? Dorus.  dam. 
Confusion a Dorus, I am thy miserable father, didst not see Hippolita,  mop. 
no by my troth not I? Did ye not see Dorus.  dam. 
Pox of dorus I am undone madam and thou tell'st me not of Hipolita,  mo, 
Pox a Hippolita, I am a dumb woman and you can tell me news of Dorus  da, 
I had rather see ten doruses hanged then loose Hippolita,  mo, 
I had rather see ten fathers dammed then lose my sweet dorus,  da, 
I shall run mad and I find not Hippolita.  Mop: 
I shall run frantic and I find not Dorus.  Dut: 
What's here, I shall run mad for Hipolita.  duke: 
And I shall run frantic and I find not Dorus, I hold my life we have some comedy in hand, we shall have a full scene, for here comes more actors.  Enter Mopso and Manasses wife. Wife 
Assures I am a sinner to God madam, that same's he.  muso 
What with a brace of wenches, i'faith old brock, have I ta'en you in the manner, is this the fruits of your lying alone? is this your court custom with a wanion, lend me thy knife, though I had neither house, nor land to give 'em, i'll bestow a whore's make betwixt you and yet I will not scold neither.  mep: 
What a gudyere ail you mother, are you frampold, know you not your own daughter.  miso. 
Mopsa, O insufferable wrong, make thine own natural child thy bawd,  duke 
here's an excellent pattern for wives to learn to scold by  miso. 
What mistress Amason, ha' you such a cocking spirit, honest Women cannot keep their husbands at home for you: 'tis not for nothing now I see, that the Duchess looks yellow on you, but i'll tear that painted whores face of yours (by this light) and yet I will not scold neither.  man 
Madam,  miso: 
i'll mad you with a vengeance.  The duke and duchess step both forth and restrain her. dut, 
Touch not the prince.  duke 
On your allegiance forbear, what means this outrage, cannot our private walks be privileged from your wild contentious.  dut: 
how fares the prince.  duke 
How cheers my good Zelmane?  man: 
Zelmane, no Gods my judge my liege, I am Manasses, miserable Manasses, your husband's scribe-major madam.  dut: 
Manasses.  duke 
A fool.  mis. 
My man.  wife 
And my dear head, alas sweet love, what makest thou here.  m, 
Mary work for the hangman, and the Duke be not the more merciful.  duke 
There's some deceit in this, Dametas, where's Hippolita?  dam: 
ay, ay, there's some knavery in this: Mopso where's Hippolita?  mis: 
doubtless there's some villainy in this, Mepso where's Hipolita?  mep: 
there's no plain dealing in this, Manasses where's Dorus?  Gry: 
Answer directly, where's Hippolita?  dam: 
Alas madam I know not, whilst I almost melted myself with digging of gold in Diana's oak, I left her in my wives charge  wife 
And whilst I ran to Manasses, thinking to take my husband & his wife in the manner, I left Hipolita in my daughter's chamber  man: 
and whilst I came to Adonis' chapel to be tossed in my marriage blankets with Dorus, I left my little dog pearl plucking daisies:  duke 
Who sent you to Diane's oak to dig gold?  Gry: 
who sent you to take your husband in Manasses house?  wife: 
dorus.  duke 
who sent you to Adonis' chapel.  mep: 
dorus:  duke 
And who turned you into this shape:  Man: 
They that I fear have made gulls of us all, Zelmane, and dorus:  duke: 
we are all simply gulled, and see where the Sun scarce half ready, skips from his Eastern bed, smiling at our gullery:  Enter Lisander and demetrius. dem: 
Come where's this lusty wit-master.  Lisa: 
the keeper of this love-lottery,  dem: 
This gallant luventus of fourscore, that like my Lady of the Lake, displays against all comers.  Lisan. 
May a couple of plain witted princes have a sight of your prizes:  dem: 
Where be these Ladies ha? ha your wits had such a skirmishing that the two maids have lost their heads in the conflict.  dut; 
Heads, I and bodies to my Lord, and all at one shot, and which is worse our wits are so scattered with the terrible blow that to be plain we are scarce our own men again.  dem: 
then you have had some knocking,  mun: 
so it appears by the story my Lord:  lisan: 
How say you my lady, what owl sings out of that ivy bush  dem: 
was your wit knighted in this last action:  man: 
I am 〈…〉 ch a fool, I love my lord, I am no knight, I am Manasses, they made a plain fool.  Dam: 
the only were, for the guarded fool is out of request: but faith my liege how did your opposites behave themselves, did they win the Wenches fair at the point?  Du. 
At the very push of invention, and went off clear untouched,  Lisa: 
And could you draw no blood of their wits:  Du. 
Not a drop.  Lisa. 
Nor demetrius neither, nor Manasses?  Du: 
Neither, to our own disgrace be it spoken, the carriage of their stratagem deserves applause, and I held it a credit to rest captive to such valiant conquerors?  Lisan: 
Why so be, I like a man that will confess his error.  Da: 
It merits commiseration madam and my liege, not to detract from our worth: your ear, we two are the parties you wot on.  Du. 
Ware you the men?  Lisan: 
No he was the man, mary I was the woman in the moon, that made you walk all this last night like the man in the mist, I could say somewhat to you to Madam as for demetrius & his man let them stand like fools as they are.  Du. 
Can it be possible.  Da. 
No, no, we are gulls, Innocent sots, but lante tanta, the girls are ours we have won 'em away to dargison.  Lisa: 
Come we have won the conquest, and that's sufficient.  Da. 
You are a manasses 'tis not sufficient: aha not Hercules for iole, jove, for Danae, Apollo for Daphne, pan for Sirne, nay the whole pack of their piperly godheads could ha' discharged a stratagem with more spirit of all merit, an ambling nag and a down a down we have borne her away to dargison.  Enter julio and Hippolita. dut. 
'twas the most rarest, divinest, Metaphisicalst, piece of invention, that, what say you my liege.  Du: 
I give your deserts their full merit you have gotten equality  julio: 
All the wenches gave you:  Da. 
Alas what spirits under the moon could have detained her but know that her cherry red lip, a down, a down.  Hip: 
Trust me but you have deserved high commendation.  julio: 
Your merit stood of the upper stair of admiration.  Dem: 
Why thou hast a pretty relish of wit, now that canst see the broad eye of my desert at a little hole of demonstration.  iulo. 
your desert save me free, you have done a most (to use your own phrase) Metaphysical piece of service, but you had some help in't questionless,  Hip: 
I do not think but the ladies had some hand in't:  da, 
A finger, I confess a finger by the hope of perseverance, a very little finger.  iuli, 
I thought as much by the making of the jest.  Hip, 
I cannot detract from the lady's worth, for I know 'em for excellent work women,  dam, 
work women fit to make tailors men.  Hip. 
I by my faith do I, nay your best tailors are arrant butchers to 'em, you shall have a lady make an end of a suit, a court suit, especially when all the tailors in a country know not how to set a stitch in't.  dorus, 
Some ordinary suit perhaps.  Hip: 
your best court suits that are, are finished by ladies, I have known a suit myself lain a making and maring 3, 4, and five year together and then a lady hath dispatched it in a month with a wet finger, such a finger might the ladies have in your plot.  de, 
never wet a finger by this sun.  iuli. 
Then she helped you with one dry jest or other, but and we may be so bold: faith where are the ladies?  da. 
sure enough I warrant you, some fools now would have kept 'em hear and have been gulled on 'em again, and laughed at age, but to prevent all danger, we have shipped 'em home for Lacedaemon,  julio: 
to Lacedaemon, your sun of wit shines but dimly in that methinks, to whose charge have you trusted 'em?  Lisan: 
to them we durst, nay you must think we are no fools,  iu. 
fools: nay deep wit, and policy forbid.  Da, 
We had no sooner their surprisal, but we had disguise ready, a ship ready, a couple of lusty friends ready, the Lacedaemon's intelligencers:  iuli. 
durst you trust such precious jewels in such rusty caskets:  da: 
durst, our health, our lives: why they were my tenants, nay you must think we sifted them, we are no fools in that neither.  hip: 
If in any thing your wits deserve the babble 'tis in that,  iuli: 
none but fools would have committed such inestimable peers to a couple of strangers:  hip: 
And in a ship to,  iu: 
And under sail to.  dut: 
And unfurnished of friends to.  du: 
And without shipping to follow 'em to.  iu. 
you were no fools in any thing but that, & in that not to flatter, you express the true shape of folly and merely merit the name of fools.  da. 
What will you say now when these fellows surrender us our loves?  Aunt 
we'll discharge you and set their names down for gulls in your stead.  De: 
you know the proverb when the sky falls we shall have larks.  Lisan: 
And when you can bring proof that we are cozened of our Wenches we'll be the woodcocks.  julio: 
Why then we have once sprung a couple of woodcocks.  Enter Violletta and Hippolita. Aunt: 
Do you know these? Who are the fools now?  deme: 
Violletta.  Lisand: 
My Hippolita:  dam: 
What a strange change is here:  Hippo: 
yes faith gallants you have very strange carding and you knew all, but I hope you'll offer up your cards and yield the set lost.  dam: 
Gulls:  Lisan: 
And abused i'll lose my life before I lose my honour,  dam. 
Honour, and life before i'll lose my love:  Draw Du: 
Nay gentlemen we bar all violence, the liberty of our challenge was to all alike equally free, and since these by fair play have won 'em, it stands with our honour to see them peaceably possessed of 'em, then surely take 'em, for though you wear the breeches give us leave to stand a little:  Hippo: 
why father be't not time that we were sped  
'tis a great charge to keep a maidenhead,  
Lose it we must and to prevent ill course,  
Better to give't then have it stolen perforce,  
if you be pleased let envy do her worst  
Spit out her poison or contain and burst?  
Welcome to all, to all a kind god night,  
They truly live, that live in scorn of spite.  
FINIS.     

In B. the last page, for Lord, read love cannot be saved.