A tragicomedy: Called, Match me in LONDON.  
As it hath been often Presented; First. at the Bull in St. johns-street; And lately. at the Private-House in Drury-lane. called the PHOENIX  
Si non, His utere Mecum.  
Written by THO: DEKKER.  
LONDON.  
Printed by B. ALSOP and T. facucet, for H. SEILE, at the Tiger's-head in St. Paul's Churchyard. 1631.   

Drammatis Personae.  

KING of Spain.  
DON JOHN, Prince.  
DON VALASCO, Father to the Queen.  
GAZETTO, Lover of TORMIELLA.  
MALEVENTO, Father to her.  
CORDOLENTE, her Husband.  
ALPHONSO. Courtiers. JAGO. Martin's.  
LUPO.  
DOCTOR.  
2. CHURCHMEN.  
BILBO.  
PACHECO.  
LAZARILLO.  
queen.  
TORMIELLA.  
DILDOMAN, a Bawd.    

TO THE NOBLE LOVER, (and deservedly beloved) of the Muses, LODOWICK CARLELL, Esquire, Gentleman of the bows, and Groom of the King, and queen's Privy-Chamber.  
THat I am thus bold to sing a Dramatic Note in your Ear, is no wonder, in regard you are a Chorister in the Choir of the Muses. Nor is it any overdaring in me, to put a playbook into your hands, being a Courtier; Roman Poets did so to their Emperors, the Spanish, (Now) to their Grandees, the Italians to their Illustrissimoes, and our own Nation, to the Great-ones.  
I have been a Priest in APOLLO'S Temple, many years; my voice is decaying with my Age, yet yours being clear and above mi ne, shall much honour me, if you but listen to my old Tunes. Are they set Ill! Pardon them; Well! Then receive them.  
Clad will you make me, if by your Means, the King of Spain, speaks our Language in the Court of England; yet have you wrought as great A wonder, For the Nine sacred Sisters, by you, are (There) become Courtiers, and talk with sweet Tongues, Instructed by your Delian Eloquence. You have a King to your Master, a Queen to your Mistress, and the Musse your Play fellows. I to them a Servant: And yet, what Duty soever I owe them, some part will I borrow to wait upon you, And to Rest  
Ever, So devoted. THO: DEKKER.   

MATCH ME IN LONDON.  

ACTVS, I.  Enter MALEVENTO. Malevento. 
TOrmiella Daughter— nor in this room— Peace: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.  
The dawn of Midnight, and the Drunkard's noon,  
No honest souls up now, but Vintners, Midwives,  
The nodding Watch, and piteous Constable, Ha;  
My street door open! Bilbo, Puskeena, Bilbo.  
Bawds, Panders, to a young Whore; Bilbo!  Enter Bilbo. Bilb. 
thieves, Thieves, Thieves, where are they Master?  Mal. 
Where are they Bilbo? What Thief seest thou?  Bil. 
That ill-favoured Thief in your Candle sir, none else not I.  Mal. 
Why didst thou cry Thieves then?  Bilb. 
Because you cried Whores; I knew a Thief was always within a stone's cast of a Whore.  Mal. 
What mak'st thou up at Midnight?  Bilb. 
I make them which are made every hour i'th' day (patches.)  Mal. 
Slave what art doing?  Bil. 
That which few men can do, mending Sir.  Mal. 
What art mending?  Bil. 
That which few men care to mend, a bad sole.  Mal. 
Look here, come hither, dost thou see what's this?  Bil. 
I see 'tis our Wicket master.  Mal. 
Stop there and tell me, is Tormiella forth?  Bil. 
I heard Puskeena our Kitchenmaid say, she was going about a murder:  Mal. 
A murder; of whom?  Bil. 
Of certain Skippers; she was flaying herself.  Mal. 
She dwells not in her Chamber, for my Ghost  
(Called from his rest) from Room to room has stalked,  
Yet met no Tormelia.  
Was not her sweet heart here tonight, Gazetto?  Bil. 
Gazetto! no sir, here was no Gazetto here.  Mal. 
Walk round the Orchard, holla for her there.  Bil. 
So, ho ho, ho, ho.  Exit. Mal. 
She's certain with Gazetto,  
Should he turn Villain, train my poor child forth  
Though she's contracted to him, and rob her youth  
Of that Gem none can prize (because ne'er seen)  
The virgin's riches (Chastity) and then  
(When he has left her ugly to all eyes)  
His own should loathe her, uds death I would draw  
An old man's nerves all up into this arm.  
And nail him to the Bed—  Enter Bilbo. Bil. 
So, ho, ho, ho, the coneys use to feed most i'th' night  
Sir, yet I cannot see my young mistress in our Warren.  Mal. 
No!  Bil. 
No, nor you neither, 'tis so dark.  Mal. 
Where should this foolish girl be? 'tis past twelve,  
Who has invited her forth to her quick ruin!  Bil. 
My memory jogs me by the elbow, and tells me—  Mal. 
What Bilbo out with all.  Bil. 
A Barber stood with her on Saturday night very late, when he had shaved all his Customers, and as I think, came to trim her.  Mal. 
A Barber! To trim her! Sawst thou the Muskeod?  Bil. 
A chequered apron Gentleman I assure you: he smelled horrible strong of Camphire, Bay leaves and Rise water: and he stood fiddling with Tormiella.  Mal. 
Ha?  Bil. 
Fiddling at least half an hour, on a Cittern with a man's broken head at it, so that I think 'twas a Barber Surgeon: and there's one Cynamomo a Shopkeeper, comes hither a batfowling every Moonshine night too.  Mal. 
What's he! Cynamomo!  Bil. 
I take him to be a comfit-maker with rotten teeth, for he never comes till the Barber's gone.  Mal. 
A comfit-maker!  Bii. 
Yes Sir, for he gave Tormiella a Candied root once, and she swore 'twas the sweetest thing—  Mal. 
Dwells he hero i'th' City?  Bil. 
He has a house i'th' City, but I know not where he lives.  Mal. 
she'll follow her kind; turn Monster, get a light.  Bil. 
My sconce is ready Sir.  Mal. 
Call at Gazetto's Lodging, ask how he dares  
Make a Harlot of my child, slave say no more:  
begone, beat boldly.  Bil. 
I'll beat down the door; and put him in mind of a Shrove-tuesday, the fatal day for doors to be broken open.  Exit. Mal. 
For this night I'm her Porter; Oh hapless Creatures!  
There is in woman a Devil from her birth,  
Of bad ones we have shoals, of good a dearth.  Exit. Enter Cordolente and Tormiella. Cor. 
No more my Tormiella, night hath borne  
Thy vows to heaven, where they are filled by this  
Either one day to crown thy constant Soul  
Or (if thou spot it with foul perjury,)  
For ever to condemn thee.  Tor. 
Come it shall not:  
Here am I sphered for ever, thy fears (dear Love)  
Strike coldly on thy jealous breast I know  
From that my Father's promise to Gazetto  
That he should have me, contract is there none,  
For my heart loathed it, is there left an oath  
Fit for a Maid to swear by.  Cord. 
Good sweet give o'er,  
What need we binding oaths being fast before?  
I dare the crabbed'st Fate, she cannot spin  
A thread thus fine and rotten; how now! sad!  Tor. 
Pray Heaven, I be not missed at home, dear Cordolente  
Thou shalt no farther, I'll venture now myself.  Cor. 
How sweet! venture alone!  Torm. 
Yes, yes, good rest.  Cor. 
By that are Lovers parted, seldom blessed.  Enter Bilbo. Bil. 
Who goes there, if you be a woman stand, for all the men I met tonight, lie in the Kennel.  Tor. 
My Father's man! I am betrayed.  Cor. 
Fear nothing.  Tor. 
Bilbo!  
Whether art thou running?  Bil. 
Out of my wits and yet no churl's Executor, 'tis no money makes me mad, but want of money.  Tor. 
Good tell me whether art going?  Bil. 
I am going to Hell (that's to say home) for my Master plays the Devil, and I come from seeking out a house of everlasting Thunder, (that's to say a Woman) I have been bouncing at Signior Gazetto's Chamber for you.  Tor. 
Ha!  Bil. 
You'll be haaed when you come home.  Tor. 
I am undone for ever.  Cor. 
Thou art not, peace.  Bil. 
Signior Gazetto is horn-mad, and leapt out of his Bed, (as if fleas had bit him) so that I think he comes running stark naked after me.  Tor. 
Oh me, what help my dearest Soul?  Cor. 
To desperate wounds  
Let's apply desperate cure, dar'st thou fly hence?  Tor. 
Dare! try me.  Cor. 
Then farewell Cordova;  
Horses we'll forthwith hire, and quick to Seville  
My birthplace, there thou shalt defy all storms.  Tor. 
Talk not, but do.  Bil. 
She would have you do much but say little.  Tor. 
Bilbo, thou seest me not.  Bil. 
No, no, away, mum I.  Cor. 
To shut thy lips fast, here are locks of Gold.  Bil. 
I'not a light coming, trudge this way.  Tor. 
You dally with fire, haste, haste, Bilbo farewell.  Cor. 
O star-crossed Love!  
To find way to whose Heaven, man wades through Hell.  Exeunt manet Bilbo. Enter Gazetto. Gaz. 
Woe, ho, ho, ho,— whew.  Bil. 
Another Fire-drake! More Salamanders! Here Sir.  Gaz. 
Bilbo! How now! Is the didapper above water yet?  Bil. 
Signior Gazetto! Mine Eyes are no bigger than little pins heads with staring, my heels ache with trotting, my candle is come to an untimely end through a Consumption. yet my young Mistress your sweet heart, like sweet breath amongst Tobacco-drinkers, is not to be found.  Gaz. 
On, take my Torch, apace: the nearest way home.  
Fluttering abroad by Owl-light!  Bil. 
Here sir, turn down this Lane; shall I knock your Torch Signior?  Gaz. 
Prithee do what thou wilt, the Devil! where is she?  Bil. 
Had you knocked your Torch well before Tormiella (ware the post) and held it well up when it was lighted, she had never given you the slip, and i'faith Signior when is the day?  Gaz. 
The wedding (meanst thou) on Saint Luke's day next,  
'Tis mine own name thou know'st: but now I fear  
She's lost, and the day too.  Bil. 
If she should drive you by foul weather into Cuckold's  
Haven before Saint Luke's day comes, Signior Luco how then?  Gaz. 
If she dares let her, I have her Father's promise, nay oath that I shall have her.  Bil. 
Here is my Master's Gate.  Gaz. 
Stay she's at home sure now: I'll slip aside,  
Knock thou, and if she answers (as 'tis likely)  
we'll try if still th' old fencing be in use,  
That faulty women never want excuse.  Bil. 
They are made for the purpose to lie and colour,  
I'll knock.  Mal. 
Who's there?  Bil. 
'Tis I, open the door.  Mal. 
What! to a Common!  Bil. 
What common! You do me wrong sir, though I go in breeches, I am not the roaring girl you take me for.  Mal. 
Wert thou with Gazetto?  Bil. 
Yes.  Mal. 
Was she with Gazetto?  Bil. 
No.  Mal. 
Was Gazetto alone?  Bil. 
No sir, I was with him.  Mal. 
Fool knew not he she was forth?  Bil. 
Yes when I told him.  Gaz. 
Signior Malevento open the door pray.  Mal. 
Oh Luke Gazetto.  Gaz. 
Not yet come home!  Mal. 
No, no.  Gaz. 
Not yet! uds death  
When I shall take the Villain does this wrong,  
Had better stolen away a Star from Heaven  
No Spaniard sure dares do it.  Bil. 
'Tis some English man has stolen her, I hold my life, for most Thieves and bravest coney-catchers are amongst them.  Gaz. 
All Cordova search ere morning, if not found  
I'll ride to Seville, I'll mount my jennet Sir  
And take the way to Madrill.  Mal. 
ne'er speak of Madrill,  
The journey is for her too dangerous,  
If Cordova hold her not, let's all to Seville.  
Haste, haste, by break of day  
Signior Gazetto let us meet again.  Gaz. 
Agreed:  Mal. 
We'll hunt her out.  Exit. Bil. 
But you know not when, will you take your Torch.  Exit. Gaz. 
Keep it, lustful maiden!  
Hot Spanish vengeance follows thee, which flies  
Like three forked Lightning, whom it smites, he dies.  Exit. Enter Prince john all unready, and Pacheco his Page. john. 
Pacheco?  Pach. 
My Lord.  Ioh. 
Is't so early! What o'clock Is't?  Pach. 
About the hour that Soldiers go to bed, and Catchpoles rise: Will your Lordship be trussed up this morning?  Ioh. 
How dost mean, go to hanging!  Pach. 
Hanging! does your Lordship take me for a crackrope,  Ioh. 
No, but for a notable Gallows, too many Lordships are trussed up every day (boy) some would give a 1000. crowns to have 'em untied, but come sir tie up my Lordship.  Pach. 
As fast as I can, Oh my Lord and a man could tie friends to him as fast as I do these points, 'twere a brave world.  Ioh. 
So he does, for these are fast now, and lose at night.  Pach. 
Then they are like the love of a woman.  Ioh. 
Why boy! Do you know what the love of a woman is!  Pach. 
No faith my Lord, nor you neither, nor any man else I think.  Ioh. 
Y'are a noble Villain.  Pach. 
Would I were, then I should be rich.  Ioh. 
Well get you gone——  Exit. 
Here's a brave file of noble Portugals  
Have sworn to help me, it's hard trusting strangers,  
Nay more, to give them footing in a Land  
Is easy, hard to remove them; say they and I  
Should send my Brother King out of this world,  
And enthrone me (for that's the Star I reach at,)  
I must have Spain mine, more than Portugal,  
Say that the Dons and grandees were mine own,  
And that I had the Keys of the Court Gates  
Hang at my Girdle; in my hand the Crown,  
There's yet no lifting it up to my head  
Without the people: I must ride that Beast,  
And best sit fast: who walks not to his Throne  
Upon their heads and hands, goes but alone;  
This Dogfish must I catch then, the queen's Father!  
(Pedro Valasco) what if I got him!  
It's but a shallow old fellow, and to build  
On the great'st, wisest Statesman, in a design  
Of this high daring, is most dangerous;  
We see the tops of tall trees, not their heart;  
To find that sound or rotten, there's the Art.  
How now jago?  Enter jago. Iago. 
Good morrow to your Lordship,  
The King looks for you,  
You must come presently.  Ioh. 
Well Sir: must come! So:  flourish. 
As I must come, so he ere long must go.  Exeunt. Enter King, Valasco, Martin's, Alphonso. Valase. 
And broad awake!  King. 
As is that eye of Heaven.  Val. 
It spoke! not, did it?  King. 
No; but with broad eyes,  
Glassy and fiery staired upon me thus,  
As black, as is a Soul new dipped in Hell;  
The tother was all white, a beard and hair  
Snowy like Portugal, and methought his look:  
But had no arms.  Val. 
No arms!  King. 
No: just my height,  
Now, and ere this it was shot up so high,  
methought I heard the head knock at a Star,  
Clean through the ceiling.  Val. 
Fancy, Fancy.  King. 
I saw it.  Val. 
A mere Deceptio visus.  King. 
A vice Ass;  
Y'are an incredulous Coxcomb, these saw it.  Val. 
Well; they did, they did.  King. 
I called for help; these entered, found me dead with fear!  Omn. 
'Tis right Sir.  King. 
Did not the Spirits glide by thee?  Mar. 
Your Grace must pardon me, I saw none.  King. 
'Sheart do I lie! do you brave me! you base Peasant?  Mart. 
No my Lord, but I must guard my life against an Emperor.  King. 
One of my wife's men, is't not! Ha!  
What a Pox fawns the Cur for here! away.  Exit. Martin's. 
Her Spy Sir! Are you!  Val. 
Sooth him up, y'are fools,  
If the Lion say the ass's ears are horns  
The Ass if he be wise will swear it, la Sir  
These tell me they all saw it.  Omn. 
Yes my Lord.  Enter jago. King. 
And yet I lie a whoreson buzzard— Now sir  Iago. 
Prince john is coming.  King. 
When sir!  Iago. 
Instantly.  King. 
Father I'll tell you a Tale, upon a time  
The Lion Fox and silly Ass did jar,  
Grew friends and what they got, agreed to share:  
A prey was ta'en, the bold Ass did divide it  
Into three equal parts, the Lion spied it,  
And scorning two such sharers, moody grew,  
And pawing the Ass, shook him as I shake you.  Valasc. 
Not too hard good my Lord, alas I am crazed.  King. 
And in rage tore him piece meal, the Ass thus dead,  
The prey was by the Fox distributed  
Into three parts again; of which the Lion  
Had two for his share, and the Fox but one:  
The Lion (smiling) of the Fox would know  
Where he had this wit, he the dead did show.  Valasc. 
An excellent Tale.  King. 
Thou art that Ass.  Valasc. 
I!  King. 
Thou: you, and the Fox my Brother cut my Kingdom,  
Into what steaks you list, I share no more,  
Than what you list to give.  
You two broach War or Peace; you plot, contrive,  
You flay off the lion's skin, you sell him alive,  
But having torn the Ass first limb from limb  
His death shall tell the Fox I'll so serve him.  Valasc. 
I do all this! 'tis false in Prince John's face  
I'll spit if he dares speak it, you might ride me  
For a right Ass indeed if I should kick  
At you, undermine you, or blow you up?  
In whom the hope of my posterity  
(By marriage of my child your wife) doth grow  
None but an Ass would do it.  King. 
If I know, your little finger was but in't, neither age;  
Your place in Court, and Council, respect of honour,  
Nor of my wife (your Daughter) shall keep this head  
Upon these shoulders—  Enter Prince john. Valasc. 
Take it; now here's Prince john.  King. 
How now Brother! Sick!  Ioh. 
Not very well.  King. 
Our Court is some Enchanted Tower you come not near it.  
Are you not troubled with some pain i'th' head?  
Your Nightcap shows you are?  Ioh. 
Yes wondrously,— a kind of Megrim Sir.  Ioh. 
I think to bind  
Your Temples with the Crown of Spain would ease you.  Ioh. 
The Crown of Spain! my Temples!  King. 
Nay, I but jest,  
A Kingdom would make any Sick man well,  
And john I would thou hadst one.  Ioh. 
It shall go hard else.  Valasc. 
The King I thank him says that you and I—  King. 
What?  Valasc. 
Cut you out sir in steaks: I'll not be silent,  
And that I am an Ass, and a Fox you;  
Have I any dealings with you?  Ioh. 
When I am to deal sir,  
A wise man then shall hold the Cards.  Valasc. 
Now I'm called fool too.  King. 
Sir if you remember  
Before he came, you buzzed into mine ear,  
Tunes that did found but scurvily.  Val. 
I buz! What buz!  King. 
That he should sell me to the Portugal.  Val. 
Were't thou as big as all the Kings i'th' world,  
'Tis false and I defy thee.  King. 
Nay Sir, and more,—  Val. 
Out with't; no whispering,  King. 
I shall blush to speak it,  
Hark you, a Pox upon't, cannot you soothe  
His sullen Lordship up, you see I do  
Platter him, confess any thing.  Val. 
A good jest!  
I should confess to him I know not what,  
And have my throat cut, but I know not why.  Ioh. 
would your Grace  
Would licence me a while to leave the Court  
To attend my health.  King 
Do.  Ioh. 
I take my leave— as for you Sir-  Exit. King. 
My Lord do you see this Change i'th' Moon, sharp horns  
Do threaten windy weather, shall I rule you  
Send to him dead words, write to him your mind  
And if your hearts be unsound purge both, all humours  
That are corrupt within you.  Val. 
I'll never write, but to him in person.  Exit. Enter old Lady. King. 
Pray Madam rise.  Iag. 
Do you know this old fury?  Alph. 
No: what is she?  Iag. 
She's the king's nut-hook (if report has not a blister on her tongue) that when any Filbert-tree is ripe; pulls down the bravest bows to his hand: a Lady panderess, and (as this years' Almanac says) has a private hothouse for his Grace only to sweat in: her name the Lady Dildoman: the poor Knight her Husband is troubled with the City Gout, lies i'th' Counter.  K. 
I'll hang him that stirs in't, the proudest Falcon that's perched up nearest the Eagle, if he dare, make this his prey, how many years!  Lad. 
fifteen and upwards if it please your Grace.  Kin. 
Some two footed Devil in our Court,  
Would thrust you out of all, Enclosed! or Common!  Lad. 
'Tis yet enclosed if it like your Grace.  King. 
Entailed!  Lad. 
Newly Entailed, as there 'tis to be seen in black and white.  King 
This case myself will handle; fee no Lawyer  
I'll stand for you, ha! Servants of mine turned grinders!  
To oppress the weak! What slave is't! from my sight,  
lest my heaved hand swerve awry, and Innocence smite.  Alph. 
This Bawd belike has her house pulled down.  Exeunt King 
So: come hither, nearer, where shines this star?  Lad. 
I'th' City, brightly, sprightly, bravely, oh 'tis a Creature—  King 
Young!  Lad. 
Delicate, piercing eye, enchanting voice, lip red and moist, skin soft and white; she's amorous, delicious, inciferous tender, neat.  King 
Thou mad'st me, newly married!  Lad. 
New married, that's all the hole you can find in her conte, but so newly, the poesy of her wedding Ring is scarce warm with the heat of her finger; therefore my Lord, fasten this wagtail, as soon as you can lime your bush, for women are Venice-glasses, one knock spoils 'em.  King 
Cracked things pox on 'em.  Lad. 
And then they'll hold no more than a lawyer's Conscience.  King 
How shall I get a sight of this rich Diamond.  Lad. 
I would have you first disguised go along with me, and buy some toy in her shop, and then if you like Danae fall into her lap like jove, a net of goldsmith's work will pluck up more women at one draught, than a Fisherman does Salmons at fifteen.  King. 
What's her Husband?  Lad. 
A flatcap, pish; if he storm, give him a court-loaf stop's mouth with a Monopoly.  King. 
thouhast fired me.  La. 
You know where to quench you.  King. 
I'll steal from Court in some disguise presently.  Lad. 
Stand on no ground good your Highness.  King. 
Away, I'll follow thee, speak not of haste,  
Thou tiest but wings to a swift grey Hound's heel,  
And add'st to a running Chariot a fift wheel.  
Thou now dost hinder me, away, away.  
Finis Actus primi.   

ACTVS, II.  A shop opened, Enter Bilbo and Lazarillo. Bil. 
Lazarillo art bound yet?  Laz. 
No, but my Indentures are made.  Bil. 
Make as much haste to seal, as younger Brothers do at taking up of Commodities: for Lazarillo, there's not any Deigo that treads upon Spanish leather, goes more upright upon the soles of his Conscience, than our Master does.  Laz. 
Troth so I think, now I like my little smirking Mistress as well.  Bil. 
Like her, did not I like her simply, to run away from her father (where I had both men Servants and maid Servants under me) to wear a flat cap here and cry what do you lack.  Enter Gallants. Laz. 
What is't you lack Gentlemen, rich garters, spangled roses, silk stockings, embroidered gloves or girdles.  Bil. 
Don sweet Don, see here rich Tuscan hatbands, ventoys, or Barbarian shoestrings— no point—  Ventian Exeunt. Gallan. Laz. 
Their powder is dankish and will not take fire.  Bilb. 
Reach that paper of gloves what mark is't?  Laz. 
P. and Q.  Enter Malevento. Bil. 
P. and Q. chafe these, chafe, chafe, here's a world to make Shopkeepers chafe.  Laz. 
What is't you buy Sir, gloves, garters, girdles.  Bil. 
Lazarillo, Lazarillo, my old master Andrada Malevento; do you hear sir, the best hangers in Spain for your worship.  Mal. 
umh! I have known that voice, what! Run away!  
Why how now Bilbo! grown a Shopkeeper!  Bil. 
jogging on Sir, in the old path to be called upon to bear all offices, I hope one day.  Mal. 
'Tis well: good fortunes bless you.  Bil. 
Turned Citizen sir, a Counter you see still before me, to put me in mind of my end, and what I must go to, if I trust too many with my ware, it's news to see your worship in Seville.  Mal. 
'Tis true: but Bilbo, no news yet of my Daughter?  Bil. 
None.  Mal. 
Not any.  Bil. 
What will your worship give me, if I melt away all that sow of lead that lies heavy at your heart, by telling you where she is.  Mal. 
Prithee step forth, speak softly, thou warmest my blood,  
I'll give thee the best suit prentice e'er wore.  Bil. 
And I can tell you Prentices are as gallant now, as some that walk with my cousin Bilbo at their sides, you can scarce know'em from Prentices of Seville.  Mal. 
Fly to the mark I prithee?  Bil. 
Now I draw home, do you see this shop, this shop is my Masters.  Mal. 
So, so, what of all this?  Bil. 
That master lies with my young mistress, and that mistress is your Daughter.  Mal. 
Hal  Bil. 
Mum: she's gone forth, this morning to a Wedding, he's above, but (as great men have done) he's coming down.  Enter Cordolente. Mal. 
Is this he?  Bil. 
This is he.  Cord. 
Look to the shop.  Mal. 
Pray sir a word?  Cor. 
You shall.  Mal. 
You do not know me?  Cord. 
Trust me not well.  Mal. 
Too well, thou hast undone me,  
Thou art a Civil These with looks demure  
As is thy habit, but a villain's heart.  Cor. 
Sir—  Mal. 
Hear me sir— to rob me of that fire  
That fed my life with heat (my only Child)  
Turn her into—  Cor. 
What sir! She's my wife:  Mal. 
Thy Strumpet, she's a disobedient Child,  
To cross my purposes; I promised her  
To a man whom I had chosen to be her Husband.  Cord. 
She loved him not; was she contracted to him?  
Can he lay claim to her by Law?  Mal. 
I'll swear,  
She told me I should rule her, that she was  
Affied to no other man, and that to please me  
She would only take Gazetto.  Cord. 
I will forbear Sir  
To vex you; what she spoke so, was for fear,  
But I ha' done, no Beggar has your child  
I crave no Dowry with her, but your Love,  
For hers I know I have it.  Mal. 
Must I not see her!  Cord. 
You shall but now she's forth sir.  Mal. 
She has cracked my very heartstrings quite in sunder.  Cord. 
Her love and duty shall I hope knit all more strongly  
Sir I beseech your patience, when my bosom  
Is laid all open to you, you shall find  
An honest heart there, and you will be glad  
You ha' met the These that robbed you, and forgive him,  
I am engaged to business craves some speed,  
Please you be witness to it.  Mal. 
Well I shall,  
Parents with milk feed Children, they them with gall.  Exeunt. Bil. 
As kind an old man Lazarillo, as ever drunk mulled Sack.  Laz. 
So it seems, for I saw him weep like a Cut Vine.  Bil. 
Weep; I warrant that was because he could not find in's heart to have my Master by th'cares.  Enter Tormiella. Laz. 
My Mistress.  Bil. 
Chase chase.  Tor. 
Where's your master.  Bil. 
Newly gone forth forsooth.  Tor. 
Whether, with whom?  Bil. 
With my old Master your Father.  Tor. 
Ha! my Father! when came her who was with him?  
What said he, how did my Husband use him?  Bil. 
As Officers at Court use Citizens that come without their Wives; scarce made him drink, but they are gone very lovingly together.  Torm. 
That's well, my heart has so ached since I went forth, I am glad I was out of the peals of Thunder, asked he not for me, was Gazetto with him, Luke was not he with him ha!  Bil. 
Not only the old man.  Tor. 
That's well, reach my work basket, is the embroidered Muff perfumed for the Lady?  Bilbo. 
Yes forsooth, she never put her hand into a sweeter thing.  Torm. 
Are you sure Gazetto was not with my Father?  Bil. 
Unless he wore the invisible cloak.  Tor. 
Bless me from that disease and I care not, one fit of him would soon send me to my grave; my heart so throbs?  Enter Gazetto and Officers. Laz. 
What is't you lack.  Bil. 
Fine Garters, Gloves, Glasses, Girdles what is't you buy,  Gaz. 
I have a warrant you see from the King to search all Seville for the woman that did this murder, the act of which has made me mad, miss no shop, let me have that, which I can buy in some Country for seven groats justice!  Off. 
Your searching house by house this is so spread abroad that 'tis as bad as a scarecrow to fright away the bird you seek to Catch, methinks if you walk soberly alone, from shop to shop your bat fowling would catch more wagtails  Gaz. 
Well shot Sagitarius, I'll nock as thou bidst me,  Offi. 
What think you of yonder parrot i'th' Cage.  Gaz. 
A rope— ha— puff— is the wind with me.  Tor. 
What stares the man at so.  Offi. 
His wits are reeled a little out of the road way nothing else;  Bil. 
Alas mistress, this world is able to make any man mad.  Gaz. 
Ha ha ha ha.  Offi. 
What do you laugh at, is this she.  Gaz. 
No, but I saw a dove fly by that had eaten Carrion it showed like a corrupted Churchman farewell.  Off. 
Do you discharge us then.  Exeunt Officers. Gaz. 
As hail shot at a dunghill where Crows are.  
thouart mine; thanks vengeance; thou at last art come,  
(Though with wolly feet) be quick now and strike home.  Exit. Enter King and Lady. Laz. 
What is't you lack.  Bil. 
What is't you buy.  Lady 
That's she.  King 
Peace; Madam let's try here:  Bil. 
What is't you lack sir!  King 
A glove with an excellent perfume.  Bil. 
For yourself sir!  King 
I would fit myself sir, but I am now for a woman: a pretty little hand, the richest you have.  Lad. 
About the bigness of this gentlewoman's will serve:  King 
Yes faith Madam, at all adventures I'll make this my measure, shall I mistress!  Tor. 
As you please sir.  Kin. 
It pleases me well.  Bil. 
Then sir go no farther, here's the fairest in all Spain, fellow it and take mine for a dogskin.  La. 
Pray forsooth draw it on, if it fit you it fits the party surely.  Bil. 
Nay Madam, the glove is most genuine for any young lady's hand under the cope, I assure you.  King 
ay but the Leather.  Bil. 
Nay, the Leather is affable and apt to be drawn to any generous disposition.  Kin. 
Pray (Fair Lady) does it not come on too stiff?  Tor. 
No sir very gently.  Bil. 
Stiff; as prolixious as you please: nay sir the scent is Aromatical and most odorous, the musk upon my word Sir is perfect Cathayne, a Tumbasine odour upon my credit, not a grain either of your Salmindy Caram or Cubit musk.  King 
Adulterated I doubt.  Bil. 
No adultery in the world in't, no sophistication but pure as it comes from the cod.  Tor. 
Open more, you shall have what choice you please.  Bil. 
You shall have all the ware opened i'th' shop to please your worship, but you shall be fitted!  King 
No no, it needs not: that which is opened already shall serve my turn.  Lady. 
Will you go farther son and see better.  King. 
And perhaps speed worse: no: your price?  Bil. 
four double Pistolets.  King. 
How!  Bil. 
Good ware cannot be too dear: look upon the cost,  
Relish the scent, note the workmanship.  King. 
Your man is too hard, I'll rather deal with you: three I'll give you.  Lad. 
Come pray take it, will three fetch 'em?  Tor. 
Indeed we cannot, it stands my Husband in more.  King. 
Well lay these by, a Cordovant for myself.  Bil. 
The best in Seville: Lack you no rich tuscan Garters, Vetian ventoys Madam, I have masks most methodical, and facetious: assay this glove sir?  King. 
The Leather is too rough.  Bil. 
You shall have a fine smooth skin please your feeling better, but all our Spanish Dons choose that which is most rough, for it holds out, sweat you never so hard.  King. 
The price?  Bil. 
The price!  
four Crowns, I have excellent Hungarian shag bands Madam for Ladies, cut out of the same piece that the great Turks turban was made of.  King. 
The Great Turk be damned.  Bil. 
Do you want any French Codpiece points Sir,  King 
Pox on 'em, they'll not last, theyare burnt i'th' dying.  Bil. 
If they be black they are rotten indeed, sir do you want no rich spangled Morisco shoestrings.  King. 
I like this beard-brush, but that the hair's too stiff.  Bii. 
flexible as you can wish, the very bristles of the same  
Swine that are fattened in Virginia.  Lad. 
What comes all to, before us?  Bil. 
It comes to 4. 5. 6. in all, six double Pistolets, and a Spanish Ducat over.  King. 
Too dear, let's go.  Bil. 
Madam, worshipful Don, pray sir offer, if any shop show you the like ware.  Lad. 
Prithee peace fellow, how d''ee like her?  King. 
Rarely. what lure canst thou cast to fetch her off?  Lad. 
Leave that to me, give me your purse.  Bil. 
Do you hear Madam!  King. 
The fatal Ball is cast, and though it fires  
All Spain, burn let it, hot as my desires:  
Have you dispatched?  La. 
Yes.  Bil. 
I assure your worship, my master will be a looser by you.  King. 
It may be so, but your Mistress will not say so.  Lad. 
Son I tell her of the rich embroidered stuff at home for the tops of gloves, and to make me muffs, if it please the Gentlewoman to take her man along, she shall not only see them, but certain stones, which I will have set only in one pair, I can tell you, you may so deal with me, you shall gain more than you think of.  Bil. 
Mistress strike in with her.  Tor. 
My Husband is from home, and I want skill  
To trade in such Commodities, but my man  
Shall wait upon your Ladyship.  Lad. 
Nay, nay, come you,  
Your man shall go along to note my House,  
To fetch your Husband, you shall dine with us.  King. 
Faith do forsooth, you'll not repent your match.  Lad. 
Come, come you shall.  Tor. 
I'll wait upon you Madam, Sirrah your cloak.  Bil. 
Make up that ware, look to th'shop.  Torm. 
If your Master come in, request him to stay till your fellow come for him.  Lad. 
Come Mistress, on Son, nay, nay indeed you shall not,  
My Glove, one of my gloves lost in your shop.  Torm. 
Run back sirrah.  King. 
Do we'll softly afore.  Tor. 
Make haste.  Exeunt. Laz. 
A Glove! I saw none.  Bil. 
Nor I, it dropped from her somewhere else then.  Laz. 
I am called up to Dinner Bilbo.  Bil. 
Are you, then make fast the shop door, and play out your set at Maw, for the Mistress of my Master's alley is trundled before, and my bowls must rub after.  Laz. 
Fly then and a great one.  Exit. Bil. 
She's out a'th' Alley, i'th' crank belike, run, run, run.  Ex. Enter Lady, Tormiella, and King. Lad. 
Low stools, pray sit, my man shall fetch the stuffs  
And after Dinner you shall have those stones:  
A cup of wine; what drink you! Love you bastard!  
I'll give you the best in Spain.  Tor. 
No wines at all.  Lad. 
Have you been married long?  Torm. 
Not long.  Lad. 
I think your wedding shoes have not been oft untied.  Torm. 
Some three times.  Lad. 
Pretty Soul; No more! indeed  
You are the youngest Vine I e'er saw planted,  
So full of hope for bearing; methinks 'tis pity  
A Citizen should have so fair a Tree  
Grow in his Garden.  Torm. 
I think him best worthy,  
To pluck the fruit, that sets it.  Lad, 
Oh you'd ha' shone  
At Court like a full Constellation,  
Your Eyes are orbs of Stars.  Tor. 
Muse my man stays.  La. 
Your man is come, and sent to fetch your Husband,  
Trust me you shall not hence, till you have filled  
This banqueting room with some sweet thing or other:  
Your Husband's wondrous kind to you.  Tor. 
As the Sun  
To the new married Spring, the Spring to th' Earth.  Lad. 
Some children look most sweetly at their birth,  
That after prove hard favoured; and so do Husbands:  
Your honey Moons soonest wane and show sharp horns.  Tor. 
Mine shall show none,  Lad. 
I do not wish it should,  
Yet be not too much kept under, for when you would  
You shall not rise.  Tor. 
umh!  Lad. 
I was once as you are,  
Young (and perhaps as fair) it was my Fate  
Whilst Summer lasted and that beauty reared  
Her colours in my cheeks, to serve at Court:  
The King of Spain that then was, eyed me oft:  
Liked me, and loved me, wooed me, at last won me.  Tor. 
'Twas well you were no City.  Lad. 
Why?  Tor. 
It seems,  
You yielded ere you needed.  Lad. 
Nay, you must think,  
He plied me with fierce batteries and assaults:  
You are coy now, but (alas) how could you fight  
With a king's frowns! your womanish appetite  
Were't ne'er so dead and cold would soon take fire  
At honours, (all women would be lifted higher)  
Would you not stoop to take it, and thrust your hand  
Deep as a King's in Treasure, to have Lords  
Fear you, t'have life or death fly from your words  
The first night that I lay in's Princely arms,  
I seemed transformed, methought jove's own right hand.  
Had snatched me up and in his starry sphere.  
Placed me (with others of his Lemans there)  
Yet was he but the shadow I the sun.  
In a proud zodiac, I my Course did run.  
Mine eye beams the dial's style; and had power.  
To rule his thoughts, as that Commands the hour.  
Oh you shall find upon a PRINCE's pillow.  
Such golden dreams.  Tor. 
I find 'em.  Lad. 
Cry you mercy.  Tor. 
My husband comes not, I dare not stay.  Lad. 
You must.  King. 
You shall.  Lad. 
Before you lies your way  
Beaten out by me, if you can follow do.  Tor. 
What means this, are there bawds Ladies too  King. 
Why shake you, fear not, none here threats your life!  Tor. 
Shall not a lamb tremble at the butcher's knife.  
Let go your hold, keep off, what violent hands  
Soever force me, ne'er shall touch woman more,  
I'll kill ten Monarchs ere I'll be ones whore.  King 
Hear me.  Tor. 
Avoid thou devil.  Lad. 
Thou puritan fool.  Tor. 
Oh thou base Otter hound, help, help.  King 
In vain.  Tor. 
The best in Spain shall know this.  Lad. 
The best now knows it.  Tor. 
Good pitch let me not touch thee, Spain has a King:  
If from his royal throne justice be driven,  
I shall find right, at the king's hands of Heaven.  Lad. 
This is the King.  Tor. 
The King, alas poor slave.  
A Raven stuck with swan's feathers, scarecrow dressed brave.  King. 
Do you not know me?  Torm. 
Yes, for a whoremaster.  Lad. 
No matter for her scolding, a woman's tongue Is like the miraculous Bell in Aragon, which rings out without the help of man.  King. 
Hear me, thou strivest with Thunder, yet this hand  
That can shake Kingdoms down, thrusts into thine,  
The Sceptres, if proud fall, thou let'st them fall  
Thou beatest thyself in pieces on a rock  
That shall for ever ruin thee and thine  
Thy Husband, and all opposites that dare  
With us to cope, it shall not serve your turn  
With your dim eyes to judge our beams, the light  
Of Common fires, We can before thy sight  
Shine in full splendour, though it suits us now  
To suffer this base cloud to mask our brow  
Be wise, and when thou mayst (for lifting up  
Thine arm) pluck Stars, refuse them not, I swear  
By heaven I will not force thee 'gainst thy blood,  
When I send, come: if not, withstand thy good;  
Go, get you home now, this is all, farewell.  Tor. 
Oh me! what way to heaven can be through hell.  Exit. King. 
Why dive you so?  Lad. 
I hope your Majesty,  
Dare swear I ha' played the Pilot cunningly.  
Fetching the wind about to make this Pinnace  
Strike Sail as you desired.  King. 
thouart a damned Bawd:  
A soaking, sodden, splay-foot, ill-faced Bawd;  
Not all the wits of Kingdoms can enact  
To save what by such Gulfs as thou art wracked,  
Thou hoary wickedness, devil's dam, dost thou think  
Thy poisons rotten breath shall blast our fame,  
Or those furred gums of thine gnaw a king's name!  
If thou wouldst down before thy time, to thy crew,  
Prate of this— yes; do, for gold, any slave  
May gorge himself on sweets, Kings cannot have  
By help of such a hag as thou, I would not  
Dishonour her for an Empire, from my sight.  La. 
Well sir.  King. 
Give o'er your Trade.  Lad. 
I'll change my Copy.  King. 
See you do.  Lad. 
I will turn over a new leaf.  King. 
We search for Serpents, but being found destroy thee,  
Men drink not poisons, though they oft employ them.  Exit. Lad. 
Give o'er! how live then! no, I'll keep that still  
If Courtiers will not, I'm sure Citizens will.  Exit. Enter Tormiella, and Gazetto. Gaz. 
Speak with you.  Torm. 
Ha! good fellow keep thy way.  Gaz. 
Y'are a whore.  Torm. 
thouart a base Knave, not the streets free!  Exit. Gaz. 
Though dead, from vengeance earth thee shall not save,  
Hyaena like, I'll eat into thy Grave.  Exit. Enter Cordolente, and Malevento. Cord. 
I dare now bestow on you a free,  
And hearty welcome to my poor house:  Mal. 
Thanks Son:  
Good Air, very good Air, and Son I think.  
You stand well too for trading.  Cord. 
Very well sir.  Mal. 
I am glad on't.  Enter Lazarillo. Cord. 
Sirrah where's your Mistress?  Mal. 
ay, ay, good youth call her,  
She plays the tortoise now, you shall twixt her and me,  
See a rare Combat; tell her here's her Father,  
No, an old swaggering Fencer, dares her at the weapon,  
Which women put down men at, Scolding! boy  
I will so chide her Son.  Cord. 
Pray do Sir, go call her?  Laz. 
She's forth Sir with my fellow, a Lady took her along.  Mal. 
Taken up already, it's well, yet I commend her  
She flies with birds that are of better wing  
Than those she spreads herself.  Cord. 
Right Sir.  Mal. 
Nay she's wise  
A subtle Ape, but loving as the Moon, is to the Sea:  Cord. 
I hope she'll prove more constant:  Mal. 
Then is the needle to the Adamant,  
The God of gold pour down on both your heads  
His comfortable showers.  Cord. 
Thanks to your wishes.  Mal. 
May never gall be filled into your Cup,  
Nor wormwood strew your Pillow; so live, so love,  
That none may say, a Raven does kiss a Dove,  
I am sorry that I cursed you, but the string  
Sounds as 'tis played on, as 'tis set we sing.  Enter Bilbo. Cord. 
Where's thy Mistress?  Mal. 
Oh-pray Son, use Bilbo Caviar well.  
Where's thy Mistress?  Bil. 
She's departed Sir.  Cord. 
Departed! whether prithee!  Bil. 
It may to a Lord, for a Lady had her away, I came back to fetch a Glove which dropped from the Lady, but before I could overtake them, they were all dropped from me; my Mistress is to me Sir, the needle in the bottle you wot where.  Mal. 
Of hay thou mean'st, she'll not be lost I warrant.  Enter Tormiella, and passes over the Stage. Cord. 
Here she comes now sir,  
Tormiella, call her.  Bil. 
What shall I call her?  Exit. Mal. 
Nothing by no means  
No let her flutter, now she's fast i'th' net,  
On disobedience, a graceful shame is set,  Cord. 
A strange dead palsy, when a woman's tongue  
Has not the power to stir, dumb! call her I say!  Enter Bilbo. Bil. 
Strange news Sir!  Cord. 
What is't?  Bil. 
Yonder's a Coach full of good faces.  Cord. 
That so strange?  Bil. 
Yes to alight at our Gate; They are all coming up as boldly, as if they were Landlords and came for Rent, see else.  Enter Gentlemen and Gentlewomen. 1. Gent. 
The woman of the House sir pray?  Cor. 
She's in her Chamber, sirrah show the way.  Exeunt manet Gentlemen and walk. Mal. 
Do you know these!  Cord. 
Troth not I sir, I'm amazed  
At this their strange arrival.  Mal. 
By their starched faces,  
Small shanks, and blistered shoo-knobs, they should be Courtiers.  Cord. 
Our Spanish Mercers say, theyare the bravest fellows.  Mal. 
For brave men, theyare no less i'th' tailor's books,  
Courtiers in citizens' Houses, are Summer fires,  
May well be spared, and being clean out are best  
They do the house no good, but help consume,  
They burn the wood up, and o'erheat the room,  
Sweetening only th'air a little, that's all,  
Play the right Citizen then, whilst you gain by them,  
hug'em, if they pluck your feathers, come not nigh them.  Cord. 
I'll close with them.  Mal. 
Do.  Cord. 
Welcome Gentlemen.  Omn. 
Thanks.  Cord. 
Pray sir what Ladies may these be with my Wife?  1. Gent. 
Faith sir if they would cast themselves away upon Knights, they may be Knights Ladies, but they are only Gentlewomen of an exceeding sweet carriage and fashion, and 'tis so Sir, that your wives doings being bruited and spread abroad to be rare for her handling the Spanish needle, these beauties are come only to have your wife prick out a thing, which must be done out of hand, that's the whole business Sir.  Cord. 
In good time Sir,  Mal. 
Of Court I pray Sir are you?  2. Gent. 
Yes Sir, we follow the Court now and then, as others follow us.  Cord. 
He means those they owe money too.  Mal. 
Pray Sir what news at Court?  1. Gent. 
Faith Sir the old stale news, black jacks are filled, and standing Cups emptied.  Mal. 
I see then jacks are saucy in every corner, I have given it him under the list of the ear.  Cord. 
'Twas soundly, you see he's struck dead.  Mal. 
Dancing Baboon!  Enter Tormiella, masked, and in other Garments, the Gentlewomen with her, and Gentlemen leading her away. Torm. 
Farewell.  Omn. 
To Coach, away.  1. Gent. 
The Welsh Ambassador, has a Message to you sir.  2. Gent. 
He will be with you shortly, when the moon's  
Horns are i'th' full.  Exeunt. Mal. 
What's that they talk!  Cord. 
Nothing but this, they have given it me soundly, I feel it under the lists of both ears, where's my wife!  Enter Bilbo. Bil. 
She's fall'n sick sir.  Cord. 
The Nightmare rides her.  Mal. 
Ha! sick! how sick!  Bil. 
Of the falling sickness; you and my Master have used her to run away, that she has showed you another light pair of heels, she's gone Sir.  Cord. 
Thou liest.  Bil. 
It may be she lies by this time, but I stand to my words, I say again She's gone sir; cast your Cap at her, but she's gone hurried into a Coach drawn with four Horses.  Cord. 
These her oaths, vows, protestations, damnations, a Serpent kissed the first woman; and ever since the whole sex have given suck to Adders.  Mal. 
Run into th' Street, and if thou seest the privileged  
Bawdy house she went into,  Bil. 
That runs on four wheels, the caroche sir.  Cor. 
Cry to the whole City to stop her.  Bil. 
I will sir, 'tis every man's case i'th' City, to have his wife stopped.—  Exit. Mal. 
Well; what wilt thou say, if this be a plot,  
Of merriment betwixt thy wife and them,  
For them to come thus, and disguise her thus,  
Thus whorry her away to some by-town,  
But four or five miles distance from the City,  
Then must we hunt on Horseback, find our game  
See and not know her in this strange disguise,  
But the jest smelled out, shouts, and plaudities  
Must ring about the Table where she sits,  
Than you kissing her, I must applaud their wits.  Cor. 
Well, I will once be gulled in this your Comedy,  
A while I'll play the wittol, I will wink Sir,  
One Bird you see is flown out of the nest,  Mal. 
What Bird!  Cord. 
A wagtail, after, fly all the rest.  Mal. 
Come then.  Exeunt. 
Finis Actus secundi.   

ACTVS, III.  Enter john, a Doctor, and Pacheco. Ioh. 
Pacheco.  Pach. 
My Lord.  Ioh. 
It shall be so, to the King presently  
See my caroche be ready, furnish me  
To go to Court sir.  Pach. 
Well Sir.  Exit. Do. 
Why my Lord?  Ioh. 
What sayst thou?  Do. 
You will overthrow the state  
Of that dear health which so much cost and time  
Have been a building up, your pores lying open  
Colds, Agues, and all enemies to pure bloods  
Will enter and destroy life.  Enter Pacheco, with Cloak and Rapier. Ioh. 
I will to Court.  Do. 
Pray my Lord stir not forth.  Ioh. 
Lay down, begone.  Exit Pacheco. Do. 
The Air will pierce you.  john. 
I ha' took cold already.  Do. 
When sir?  Ioh. 
When you counselled me to ride my horse.  Do. 
Nay that was well, how slept you the next night?  Ioh. 
Not a wink.  Doct. 
All the better.  Ioh. 
But i'th' next morning,  
I could not in a Russian stove sweat more  
Than I did in my Bed.  Doct. 
Marry I'm glad on't.  Ioh. 
And had no clothes upon me.  Doct. 
Still the better.  Ioh. 
My bones Sir paid for all this, and yet you cry, still the better: when you ha' purged your pockets full of gold out of a Patient, and then nailed him in's Coffin, you cry then still the better too, a man were better to lie under the hands of a Hangman, than one of your rebarbative faces; sirrah Doctor, I do not think but I have been well, all this time I have been Sick?  Doctor. 
Oh my good Lord.  Ioh. 
Oh good Master Doctor, come no more of this, I have another Diaphragma for you to tickle, you minister poison in some Medicines, do you not?  Doct. 
Yes my good Lord, in Purgative and Expulsive.  Ioh. 
So, so, break not my head with your hard words, you can for a need poison a Great man?  Doct. 
Your Lordship's merry.  Ioh. 
Right Sir, but I must have it done in sadness, 'tis your Trade Master Doctor to send men packing: hark you, 'tis no less Bugbear than Don Valasco!  Do. 
The Admiral of Castille!  Ioh. 
Him you must sink.  Do. 
'Tis my certain death to do it.  Ioh. 
And thy certain death to deny it, if you will not show him a cast of your Office, I'll be so bold, as bestow this upon you of mine, I am sharp set, will you do it?  Do. 
I will by these two hands.  Ioh. 
When?  Do. 
When you please.  Ioh. 
This day?  Do. 
This hour.  Ioh. 
And make him fast.  Do. 
Fast.  Ioh. 
For speaking.  Do. 
For speaking.  Ioh. 
Why then good Doctor rise  
To honour by, it be secret and be wise.  Enter Pacheco. Pa. 
The Admiral is come my Lord.  Ioh. 
A way with these, show him the way in, Doctor.  Do. 
Oh my Lord!  Enter Valasco. Ioh. 
If you fail.  Val. 
All health to your good Lordship, I wish that,  
Which most I think you want.  Ioh. 
Thanks my good Lord,  
Doctor dispatch, take heed your Compositions,  
Hit as I told you.  Do. 
Oh my Lord, I am beaten to these things.  Exit. Ioh. 
Go then, this visitation of your Lordship,  
I take most kindly.  Val. 
Two main wheels my Lord,  
Have hither brought me, on the king's Command,  
tother my love, with a desire to know  
Why I 'mongst all the trees that spread itt'h Court  
Should still be smote with lightning from your eye;  
Yours only dangerous Arrows shoots at me:  
You have the courtier's dialect right, your tongue  
Walks ten miles from your heart, when last you saw me,  
Do you remember how you threatened; as for you Sir—  Ioh. 
These notes are strange.  Val. 
Oh my good Lord, be my good Lord, I read  
Harsh Lectures in your face, but meet no Comment  
That can dissolve the riddle, unless it be  
Out of that noble fashion that great men  
Must trip some heels up, though they stand as low  
As Vintners when they conjure, only to show  
Their skill in wrestling, 'tis not well to strike  
A man whose hands are bound, like should choose like.  Ioh. 
I strike you not, nor strive to give you falls,  
'Tis your own guilt afflicts you, if to the King  
The song I set of you, did to your ear  
Unmusically sound, 'twas not in hate  
To you, but in desire to give the state  
True knowledge of my innocence, be sure a bird,  
Chanted that tune to me, that only you  
Incensed the King that I should sell him.  Val. 
umh!  Ioh. 
Do you think I lie?  Val. 
I do believe your Lordship.  Ioh. 
'Twas a man most near you.  Val. 
A bosom villain!  Ioh. 
For you must think that all that bow, stand bare  
And give Court Cakebread to you, love you not.  Val. 
True love my Lord at Court, is hardly got.  Ioh. 
If I can friend you, use me.  Val. 
Humble thanks.  Ioh. 
Oh my good Lord, Time's silver foretop stands  
On end before you, but you put it by.  
Catch it, 'tis yours, scaped never yours, your shoulders  
Bear the Weal-public up, but they should bear,  
Like Pillars to be strong themselves: would I  
Want fish at Sea, or golden showers at Court  
I'd go awry sometimes, were't but for sport.  Val. 
Say you so!  Io. 
Sell justice and she'll by you Lordships, clothe her  
(As Citizens do their wives) beyond their worth  
She'll make you sell your Lordships and your plate  
No wise man will for nothing serve a state,  
Remember this, your Daughter is the Queen  
Brave phrase to say my Son in Law the King,  
Whilst sweet showers fall, and Sunshine, make your Spring.  Val. 
You look not out I see, nor hear the storms  
Which late have shaken the Court.  Ioh. 
Not I! what storms!  Val. 
You in your cabin know nothing there's a Pinnace  
(Was manned out first by th'City,) is come to th'Court,  
New rigged, a very painted Galley foist,  
And yet our Spanish Caravels, the Armada  
Of our great vessels dare not stir for her.  Ioh. 
What Pinnace mean you?  Val. 
From his lawful pillow,  
The King has ta'en a citizen's wife.  Ioh. 
For what?  Val. 
What should men do with Citizens wives at Court?  
All will be nought, poor Queen 'tis she smarts for't.  Ioh. 
Now 'tis your time to strike.  Val. 
He does her wrong,  
And I shall tell him soundly.  Ioh. 
Tell him!  Val. 
I'll pay it home.  Ioh. 
Were you some Father in Law now.  Val. 
What lies here,  
Lies here, and none shall know it.  Ioh. 
How easy were it,  
For you to set this warping Kingdom straight?  Val. 
The people's hearts are full,  Ioh. 
And weed the State.  Val. 
Too full of weeds already.  Ioh. 
And to take all,  
Into your own hands.  Val. 
I could soon do't.  Ioh. 
Then do't.  Val. 
Do what! misprise me not, pray good my Lord,  
Nor let these foolish words we shoot i'th' Air,  
Fall on our heads and wound us: to take all  
Into mine own hands, this I mean.  Ioh. 
Come on.  Val. 
Boldly and honestly to chide the King.  Ioh. 
Umh.  Val. 
Take his minx up short.  Ioh. 
Take her up!  Val. 
Roundly, to rate, her wittol husband: to stir up—  Ioh. 
The people, since men's wives are common Cases.  Val. 
You hear not me say so.  Ioh. 
To force this Tyrant to mend or end.  Val. 
Good day to your Lordship.  Ioh. 
Shoot off the Piece you have charged.  Val. 
No, it recoils.  Ioh. 
You and I shall fall to cutting throats.  Val. 
Why!  Ioh. 
If ever you speak of this.  Val. 
If we cut one another throats, I shall never  
Speak of this: fare your Lordship well.  
Alphonso de Granada.  Enter Alphonso. Alph. 
Good health to both your Lordships.  Ioh. 
Thanks good Alphonso, nay pray stay.  Val. 
Where hast thou been Alphonso!  Alph. 
In the marquess of Villa Noua del Rio's, Garden  
Where I gathered these Grapes.  Val. 
And theyare the fairest Grapes I ever touched.  Ioh. 
Troth so they are; plump Bacchus' cheeks were never  
So round and red, the very God of Wine.  
Swells in this bunch, Lyaeus set this Vine.  Val. 
I have not seen a lovelier.  Alph. 
'Tis your Lordships, if you vouchsafe to take it.  Val. 
Oh I shall rob you, of too much sweetness.  Alph. 
No my Lord.  Val. 
I thank you.  Alph. 
Make bold to see your honour.  Ioh. 
Good Alphonso.  Alph. 
And (loath to be too troublesome) take my leave:  Ioh. 
My duty to the King.  Val. 
Farewell good Alphonso.  Exit. Ioh. 
How do you like your Grapes?  Val. 
Most delicate, taste'em:  
Is it not strange, that on a branch so fair,  
Should grow so foul a fruit, as Drunkards are!  Ioh. 
These are the bullets that make Cities reel,  
More than the Cannon can.  Val. 
This juice infused  
In man, makes him a beast, good things abused,  
Convert to poison thus; how now!  Ioh. 
I'm dizzy  
Oh! does not all the house run round on wheels!  
Do not the Posts go round! my Lord this fellow,  
Loves you I hope?  Val. 
I'll pawn my life he does.  Io. 
Would all we both are worth, were laid to pawn  
To a broker that's undamned for half a dram  
For half a scruple,— oh we are poisoned.  Val. 
Ha!  Ioh. 
What do you feel?  Val. 
A giddiness too methinks.  Ioh. 
Without there, call the Doctor (slave)  Enter Pacheco. Pach. 
He's here Sir.  Enter Doctor. joh, 
Oh Doctor now or never— give him his last,  
We are poisoned both.  Exit Doctor. Val. 
I think our banes are asked.  Ioh. 
he'll bring that shall forbid it, call him (villain)  Pa. 
Well Sir I will call him villain.  Exit. Va. 
All thrives not well within me: On my soul  
'tis but Conceit, I'm hurt with fear, Don john,  
Is my Close mortal enemy, and perhaps  
Under the colour I am poisoned, sends  
To pay me soundly! to prevent the worst,  
Preservative or poison, he drinks first.  Enter Doctor. joh 
Give it him,  Va. 
No, begin,  Ioh. 
What is't?  Do. 
Cordial.  Ioh. 
The Doctor shall begin, quickly, so here,  
Half this to both our deaths if't come too late.  Va. 
I pledge them both, death is a common fate.  Ioh. 
Shift hands, is't mortal!  Do. 
It strikes sure.  Ioh. 
Let it run  Va. 
'Tis down.  Ioh. 
I'm glad, thy life's not a span long.  
How is't!  Va. 
Worse.  Ioh. 
Better, I do fear this physic  
Like pardons for men hanged is brought too late.  Do. 
he's gone.  Ioh. 
Who's without!  Do. 
Some of his men attending with his caroche  Ioh. 
Take help; bestow the body in't, convey it,  
To his own house and there sir, see you swear,  
You saw him in your presence fall dead here.  Do. 
This I can safely swear.  Ioh. 
Help then, away,  
Thou art next, for none must live that can betray.  Exeunt. Flourish. Enter King, Queen, Tormiella, Ladies, jago, Martin's, Fuentes, and Alphonso. King. 
So sweetness, I'll now walk no longer with you.  Qu. 
Are you weary of my Company!  King. 
Never shall:  
Prithee keep thy Chamber a while, the Air bites.  Qu. 
'Tis because the Sun shines not so hot as't had wont.  King. 
There's some Cloud between then.  Qu. 
Yes, and a horrible foul one.  King. 
I see none but fair ones.  Qu. 
No! Look yonder, it comes from the City.  King. 
Let it come, by these Roses I am angry that you let me not go.  Qu. 
Nay look you, your Grace takes all from me too; pray  
Sir give me my roses, your Highness is too covetous.  King. 
I must of necessity have one.  Qu. 
You shall, so you take it of my choosing.  King. 
I will, so you choose that which I like.  Qu. 
Which will you have, the bud, or that which is blown?  King. 
The bud sure, I love no blown ware.  Qu. 
Take your bud then.  Offers to go, and throws it down. King. 
Do you hear? are you angry?  Qu. 
No, you are jealous, you are so loath to have me out of your sight, you need not, for I keep the fashion of the Kings of China, who never walk abroad, but besides their Attendants, have five or six as richly attired as themselves, to cut off treason.  Kin. 
So.  Q. 
Here be others in the Troop will be taken for queens sooner than I.  Kin. 
You are vexed, I have preferred a creature to you.  Qu. 
Who dares check the Sun, if he make a stinking weed grow close to a bed of Violets? vexed! not I, and yet methinks you might give me leave to choose mine own women, as well as you do your men, I commend no man to you, for lifting joint-stools to be one of your guard.  King. 
Your Muff.  Qu. 
Take it good wife.  King. 
You will make me angry: good wife! so, take it.  Qu. 
Now I hope you'll take it, you need not scorn a queen's leavings, for a Queen has had yours.  King. 
What!  Qu. 
You see; does your Majesty frown because I take it from her  
Come hither, put your hand here? so, well met,  
All friends now, yet tho tied never so fast,  
Being a bow knot, it slips itself at last.  Exeunt Queen, Tormiel. Ladies and Mart. K. 
Is't so! were't thou a Diamond worth the world,  
And ne'er so hard, yet thine own Dust shall cut thee:  
Go call that Lady back.  Alph. 
Which?  King. 
Tormiella,  
No do not! 'Tis a Cock the Lion can fright,  
The Hen dost now, the Case is altered quite.  Enter Doctor. Do. 
Your gracious pardon to call back a life  
That's half lost with despair.  King. 
What hast thou done?  Do. 
Poisoned a man.  King. 
Whom hast thou poisoned?  Do. 
The queen's Father in law.  King. 
Would it had been the Daughter, thou shalt feel:  
A double death, one here, and one in Hell.  Do. 
I must have company with me then: Don john  
Your highness' Brother, set against my throat—  Kin. 
Back.  Doct. 
His armed sword; I had died, had I not done't.  King. 
Our Guard; go fetch Don john our brother to Court.  Do. 
A word in your highness' ear:  King. 
Search him.  Omn. 
He has nothing.  Do. 
I in stead of poison,  
Gave him a sleepy Potion, he's preserved  
Don john thinks not: the noble Admiral  
Fears plots against his life, forbears the Court  
But sends me to your Grace, to bid you set  
Your footing stiff and strongly, for Don john  
Trips at your life and Kingdom, to his throat  
Valasco this will justify.  King. 
He shall  
Go you and fetch him secretly to Court  
Alphonso take the Doctor and return.  Exeunt. 
Death! when! jago with your smoothest face  
Go greet Don john from us,  
Say we have work of State, both presently  
And closely bid him come.  Iago. 
I shall.  Exit Enter Gazetto. King. 
How now what's he, give us leave, come hither:  
We have perused your paper Sir, and think  
Your promises Spring-tides, but we fear you'll ebb  
In your performance.  Gaz. 
My deeds and speeches Sir,  
Are lines drawn from one Centre, what I promise  
To do, I'll do, or lose this.  King. 
You give me physic after I'm dead, the Portugals and we  
Have hung our drums up, and you offer here  
Models of Fortification, as if a man  
Should when war's done, set up an armourer's shop.  Gaz. 
I bid you set up none Sir, you may choose.  King. 
This fellow I'll fitly cast i'th' villain's mould,  
I find him crafty, envious, poor, and bold:  
Into a Saw I'll turn thee, to cut down  
All Trees which stand in my way; what's thy name:  Gaz. 
You may read in my paper.  King. 
Lupo Vindicado's; umh! nay we shall employ you  
Merit went never from us with a forehead,  
Wrinkled or sullen, what place would you serve in?  Gaz. 
Any, but one of your turn broaches; I would not be one of your black Guard, there's too much fire in me already.  King. 
You say, you have the Languages.  Gaz. 
Yes.  King. 
What think you of an Intelligencer, we'll send you-  Gaz. 
To th' Gallows, I love not to be hanged in State.  King. 
You having travelled as you said so far,  
And knowing so much, I muse thou art so poor.  Gaz. 
Had the confusion of all tongues began  
In building me, could I sing sweet in all,  
I might go beg and hang, I ha' seen Turks  
And Jews, and Christians, but of all, the Christians  
Have driest hands, they'll see a Brother starve,  
But give Ducks to a water-spaniel.  King. 
Well observed  
Come sir, faith let's crow together, in what stamp  
Dost thou coin all thy Languages.  Gaz. 
I do speak English  
When I'd move pity, when dissemble, Irish,  
Dutch when I reel, and though I feed on scallions,  
If I should brag Gentility, I'd gabble Welsh,  
If I betray, I'm French, if full of braves,  
They swell in lofty Spanish, in neat Italian  
I Court my Wench, my mess is all served up.  King. 
Of what Religion art thou?  Gaz. 
Of yours.  King. 
When you were in France?  Gaz. 
French.  King. 
Without there.  Enter Alphonso. Alph. 
Sir?  King. 
Give this Gentleman five hundred Pistolets  
Be near us.  Gaz. 
In thy bosom, for thy Pistolets  
I'll give thee Pistols, in a piece might ha' been mine  
Thou shootest or mean'st to shoot, but I'll charge thine;  
Thy heart off goes it in thunder.  King. 
Through the Gallery,  
Unseen convey him hither, give us leave sir.  Gaz. 
Leave have you—  Exeunt. Enter Doctor, Valasco, and Alphonso. Val. 
I'm glad to see your Majesty.  King. 
You have reason.  Val. 
I was going to cry all hid.  King. 
Come hither  
Dead man you'll justify this treason?  Val. 
To his teeth,  
Throat, mouth to mouth, body to body.  King. 
So.  Enter jago. Iag. 
Don john of castille's come.  King. 
A Chair, stand you  
Full here and stir not, front him, bring him in  
How, now, did a Hare cross your way?  Enter Don john. Ioh. 
The Devil  
Doctor I'll give you a purge for this, I'll make  
Your Highness laugh.  King. 
You must tickle me soundly then.  Ioh. 
In this retreat of mine from Court, my body  
(Which was before a clean stream) growing foul  
By my mind's trouble, through your high displeasure  
Which went to th' bottom of my heart; I called  
That sound Card to me, gave him fees and bid him  
(By all the fairest props that Art could rear)  
To keep my health from falling, which I felt  
Tottering and shaken, but my urinalist  
(As if he sat in barber-surgeon's Hall  
Reading Anatomy Lectures) left no Artery  
Unstretched upon the Tenters.  King. 
So he vexed you to the guts.  Ioh. 
My bowels were his coniuring rooms, to quit him  
I tempted him to poison a great man,  
I knowing this my honourable friend—  Val. 
Keep back, he'll poison my glove else.  Ioh. 
Coming to visit me,  
This was the man must die.  King. 
Why did you this?  Ioh. 
Only to hatch a jest on my pilled Doddy,  
I knew he durst not do't.  King. 
But say he had?  Val. 
Then he had been hanged.  Ioh. 
That had made me more glad.  Doct. 
I am bound to your Lordship.  Ioh. 
Being a Doctor you may lose yourself.  King. 
men's lives then are your Balls, disarm him  Ioh. 
How! not all thy Kingdom can.  Draws. King. 
How him in pieces,  
Our Guard, 'sdeath kill him.  Ioh. 
Are you in earnest?  King. 
Look.  Ioh. 
See then, I put myself into your Den:  
What does the Lion now with me?  King. 
thouart a traitor.  Ioh. 
I am none.  King. 
No!  Val. 
Yes, an arrant traitor.  Ioh. 
You sir; spit all thy poison forth.  Val. 
No, I drank none sir.  King. 
Come to your proofs, and see you put 'em home.  Val. 
You and I one day, being in conference,  
You named this noble King (my Sovereign)  
A tyrant, bid me strike, 'twas now my time,  
Spoke of a Piece charged, and of shooting off  
Of stirring up the Rascals to rebel,  
And to be short, to kill thee.  Ioh. 
I speak this!  Val. 
Yes Traitor, thou.  Ioh. 
Where!  Val. 
In your Chamber.  Ioh. 
Chamber!  
Was it not when you told me, that the King  
Had got a strumpet.  King. 
Ha.  Val. 
How!  Ioh. 
A citizen's wife;  
'Twas when you swore to pay him soundly.  Val. 
See. see!  Ioh. 
The people's hearts were full.  Val. 
Pox, a'my heart then.  Ioh. 
Or was't not when you threatened to take all,  
Into your own hands:  Val. 
There's my glove, thou liest.  Kin. 
Good stuff, I shall find traitors of you both,  
If you are, be so; with my finger, thus  
I fan away the dust flying in mine eyes  
Raised by a little wind; I laugh at these now,  
'Tis smoke, and yet because you shall not think  
We'll dance in Earth quakes, or throw squibs at Thunder,  
I charge both keep your Chambers for a day  
Or so.—  Val. 
Your will.  Exit. Ioh. 
Chambers!  King. 
We bid it.  Ioh. 
You may.  Exit. Enter Queen, and Ladies. Omn. 
The Queen.  Qu. 
I thank your highness for the bird you gave me,  King. 
What bird?  Qu. 
Your Tassel gentle, she's lured off and gone.  King. 
How gone! what's gone!  Qu. 
Your woman's fled,  
Whom you preferred to me, she's stolen from Court.  King. 
You jest.  Qu. 
be it so.—  Goes away. King. 
I have hotter news for you,  
Your Father's head lies here, art thou still shooting.  
Thy stings into my sides! Now do you look  
I should turn wild, and send through all the winds  
Horsemen in quest of her, because you wear  
A kind of yellow stocking; let her fly  
If jove for sooth would fix a star in Heaven,  
juno runs mad, thou better mightst have spurned  
The gates of hell ope; then to look into  
Our bosom.  Qu. 
Where your Trull lies.  King. 
Y'are a Toad.  Qu. 
Woman's revenge awake thee, thou hast stirred  
A blood as hot and high as is thine own  
Raise no more storms; your treasure is not gone,  
I feared the Sea was dangerous, and did sound it  
Mischief but half up, is with ease confounded.  Exit. King. 
In thine own ruin, me canst thou hit  
But with one finger which can do no harm  
But when a King strikes, 'tis with his whole arm.  Exit. Enter Queen and Tormiella. Qu. 
Make fast the Closet— so— give me the key  
I mean to kill thee.  Tor. 
Kill me, for what cause?  Qu. 
Guess.  Tor. 
I know none, unless the Lamb should ask  
The Butcher why he comes to cut his throat.  Qu. 
I could through loop holes hit thee, or hire slaves  
And send death to thee, twenty secret ways.  Tor. 
Why would you do all this?  Qu. 
Or (as the Heart  
Draws Serpents from their Den) with subtle breath  
I could allure thee to sit down, and banquet  
With me as with the King thou hast.  Tor. 
Oh never—  Qu. 
Yet poison you most sweetly.  Tor. 
Now you do it.  Qu. 
And I could make thee a queen's bedfellow  
As thou hast been a king's.  Tor. 
Never by—  Qu. 
Swear,  
Yet stifle you in a pillow, but I scorn  
To strike thee blindfold, only thou shalt know  
An eagle's nest, disdains to hatch a Crow:  
Why are all mouths in Spain filled to the brim,  
Flowing o'er with Court news, only of you and him  
The King I mean, where lies the Court?  Tor. 
Sure here.  Qu. 
It removed last, to th'shop of a milliner  
The gests are so set down, because you ride  
Like us, and steal our fashions and our tires,  
You'll have our Courtiers to turn shopkeepers,  
And fall to trading with you, ha!  Tor. 
Alas the Court to me is an enchanted tower  
Wherein I'm locked by force, and bound by spells  
To Heaven to some, to me ten thousand hells  
I drink but poison in gold, stick on the top  
Of a high Pinnacle, like an idle vain  
(As the wind turns) by every breath being tossed  
And once blown down; not missed, but for ever lost.  Qu. 
Out Crocodile,—  Spurn her. Tor. 
You will not murder me!  Qu. 
I'll cure you of the Kings evil.—  Draw 2. knives. Tor. 
To one woman  
Another should be pitiful, hear me speak?  Qu. 
How dares so base a flower follow my Sun  
At's rising to his setting.  Torm. 
I follow none.  Qu. 
How dar'st thou Serpent wind about a tree  
That's mine.  Torm. 
I do not.  Qu. 
Or to shake the leaves.  Tor. 
By Heaven, not any.  Qu. 
Or once to taste the fruit  
Tho thrown into thy lap, if from a Harlot  
Prayers ever came; pray, for thou diest.  Torm. 
Then kill me.  Qu. 
How did my Husband win thee?  Torm. 
By mere force; a Bawd betrayed me to him.  Qu. 
Worse and worse.  Torm. 
If ever I have wronged your royal bed  
In act, in thought, nail me for ever fast,  
To scape this Tiger of the Kings fierce lust  
I will do any thing, I will speak treason  
Or Drink a Cup of poison, which may blast  
My enticing face, and make it leprous foul:  
Ruin you all this, so you keep up my Soul;  
That's all the wealth I care for.  Qu. 
I have now no heart left to kill thee, rise, thou and I  
Will like two quarrelling Gallants faster tie  
A knot of Love, we both i'th' Field being wounded  
Since we must needs be sharers, use me kindly  
And play not the right Citizen, to undo  
Your partner, who i'th' stock has more than you.  A noise within. Enter the King. King. 
Must you be closeted?  Qu. 
Yes.  King. 
What are you doing?  Qu. 
Not getting Children.  King. 
Naked knives; for what,  
Speak, 'sdeath speak you.  Tor. 
They both fell from her side.  King. 
You lie, away.  Qu. 
Must you be closeted?  King. 
Yes.  Qu. 
When heart break'st thou, thou dost too much swell,  
This Aspish biting, is incurable.  Exit. King. 
Be true to me I charge you, did the Queen  
Offer no violence to you.  Tor. 
None at all.  King. 
Why were these drawn,  Tor. 
I know not.  King. 
Know not; what's here,  
Why is this rose denied with a pearled tear.  
When the sunshines so warm, you know not that too,  
The lamb has amed the Lion, the vulture tears  
Upon the eagle's heart, these subtle wires  
Chanie jove, these balls, from whose flames Cupid drew,  
His wild fire burns here, this you know not too.  
I love you, that you know not neither, y'are coy,  
And proud, and fair, you know this,  Tor. 
I beseech you  
Let me shake off the golden fetters you tie  
About my body, you enjoy a body  
Without a soul, for I am now not here.  King. 
Where then.  Tor. 
At home in my poor husband's arms,  
This is your Court, that mine.  King. 
Your husband's arms,  
Thou art his whore, he played the thief and robbed  
Another of thee, and to spoil the spoiler,  
Is Kingly justice, 'tis a lawful prize  
That's ta'en from Pirates; there's are fellow wives.  Tor. 
Which of your subjects (which abroad adore  
Your state, your greatness, presence and your throne  
Of sun beams) think you now are with a wanton,  
Or working a chaste wife to become one.  King. 
I work thee not to be so, for when time  
Shall jog his glass and make those sands lie low  
Which now are at the top, thyself shalt grow  
In self same place my Queen does.  Tor. 
What tree ever stood  
Long and deep rooted, that was set in blood;  
I will not be your whore to wear your Crown.  
Nor call any King my Husband, but mine own.  King. 
No!  Tor. 
No 'twere shame 'mongst all our City Dames  
If one could not scape free, their blasted fames.  King. 
The sound of Bells and Timbrels make you mad  
As it does a Tiger, the softer that I stroke you  
The worse you bite, your father and your Husband  
Are at my sending come to Court, I'll lay  
Honours on both their backs, here they shall stay  
Because I'll keep you here, if you do frown  
The engine which rears up, shall pluck all down.  
I'll fetch 'em to you myself.  Exit. Tor. 
Oh who can stifling scape in baser throngs,  
When Princes Courts threaten the selfsame wrongs!  Exit. 
Finis Actus tertij.   

ACTVS, IIII.  Flourish. Enter King, Malevento, Cordolente, jago, Alphonso, Gazetto, and Tormiella. King. 
Y'ave the best welcome which the Court can yield,  
For the King gives it you.  Mal. 
Your Grace is gracious.  King. 
Is this your Father?  Mal. 
My proper flesh and blood Sir.  King. 
And that your Husband?  Cor. 
Not I sir; I married an honest wench that went in a cap, no whim-whams; I did but shuffle the first dealing, you cut last, and dealt last, by the same token you turned up a Court Card.  King. 
Is the man jealous!  Cor. 
No, but a little troubled with the yellow Jaundice, and you know if it get to the Crown of the head, a man's gone.  King. 
We send not for you hither to be braved,  
Sirrah cast your darts elsewhere.  Cor. 
Amongst the wild Irish Sir hereafter.  King. 
'Tis our queen's pleasure that your wife be called  
Her woman, and because she will not lose her,  
She hath importuned us to raise you both;  
Your name sir?  Mal. 
Mine, Andrada Malevento.  King. 
Andrada Malevento we make you  
vice-admiral of our Navy.  Cor. 
Oh spiteful Comedy, he's not a Courtier of half an hour's standing, and he's made a Vice already.  King. 
We make thy Husband—  Cor. 
A Cuckold do you not.  Mal. 
Son you forget yourself.  Cor. 
Meddle with your own office; there's one will look that none meddles with mine.  Mal. 
Is not a change good?  Cor. 
Yes, of a lousy shirt.  King. 
Take hence that fellow, he's mad.  Cor. 
I am indeed horn-mad, oh me, in the holiest place of the Kingdom have I caught my undoing, the Church gave me my bane.  Tor. 
What the Church gave thee, thou hast still.  Cor. 
Half parts, I thought one had ta'en thee up.  Tor. 
Take me home with thee, I'll not stay here.  Kin. 
Ha!  Tor. 
Let me not come to Court.  Mal. 
The King is vexed, let me persuade thee Son  
To wink at small faults.  Cor. 
What sir Pandarus!  Tor. 
Sends the King you to blush in's room.  Mal. 
Y'are a baggage.  King. 
Go tell the lunatic so; Andrada hark,  Iag. 
The King sir bids me sing into your ear,  
Sweet notes of place and office which shall fall—  Cor. 
Into my mouth, I gape for 'em.  Iag. 
He bids me ask what will content you.  Cor. 
Nothing, nothing, why Sir the powers above cannot please us, and can Kings think you, when we are brought forth to the world, we cry and bawl as if we were unwilling to be borne; and when we are a dying we are mad at that.  King. 
Take hence that Wolf that barks thus.  Cor. 
I am muzzled, but one word with your Majesty, I am sober sir.  King. 
So sir.  Cor. 
You oft call Parliaments, and there enact  
Laws good and wholesome, such as who so break  
Are hung by th' purse or neck, but as the weak  
And smaller flies i'th' spider's web are ta'en  
When great ones tear the web, and free remain.  
So may that moral tale of you be told,  
Which once the Wolf related: in the Fold  
The Shepherds killed a sheep and eat him there  
The Wolf looked in, and seeing them at such cheer,  
Alas (quoth he) should I touch the least part  
Of what you tear, you would pluck our my heart,  
Great men make Laws, that whosoever draws blood  
Shall die, but if they murder flocks 'tis good:  
I'll go eat my Lamb at home sir.  King. 
Part, and thus reckon never to see her more.  Cor. 
Never!  Tor. 
Never thus, but thus a PRINCE's whore.  Exeunt. Cor. 
Thou dar'st not, if thou dost; my heart is great,  
Thus wronged, thou canst do little if not threat.  Gaz. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha.  Cor. 
At what dost-laugh?  Gaz. 
At a thing of nothing, at thee; why shouldst thou be afraid to fall into the Cuckold's disease.  Cor. 
Because it makes a Doctor an Ass, nothing can cure it, are you answered Sir?  Gaz. 
Come thouart a fool, to grieve that thy wife is taken away by the King to his private bedchamber,  
Now like a book called in, she'll sell better than ever she did.  Cor. 
Right sir, but could he choose no stock to graft upon, but that which was planted in my nursery.  Gaz. 
I'll show thee a reason for that.  Cor. 
Why?  Gaz. 
lechers coming to women, are like Mice amongst many Cheeses, they taste every one, but feed upon the best: horns rightly weighed are nothing.  Cor. 
How nothing! oh sir, the smallest Letters hurt your eyes most, and the least headache which comes by a woman's knocking hurts more than a cut to the scull by a man's knocking.  Gaz. 
Yet I warrant thou dar'st swear the party's honest?  Cor. 
Ha; swear; not I, no man durst ever swear for his wife but Adam, nor any woman for her husband but eve, fare you well sir.  Gaz. 
Whether art flying?  Cor. 
In pieces dost not see I'm shot out of a Cannon.  Exit. Gaz. 
Downwards I'll shoot thee, but as devil's use  
I'll tickle at thy tortures, dance at thy stumbling,  
Play with thee, and then paw thee, 'shalt make me merry  
The Crown of black deeds that are hatched in Hell  
Is to outlive and laugh, and all's played well.  Exit. Enter Clown, and coxcomb. Clo. 
I have not passed by a Don, to touch whose hand mine own was never more troubled with a more terrible itch.  Cox. 
I have not met a Signior, at whom mine own eyes (as if roasted enough) did ever burn more in desire to fly out: so that whether to recoil or advance on, I am between Hawk and Buzzard.  Bil. 
The honey of sweet Compliment so turn up your Tusks or Mochatoes, that they be not too stiff, to bristle against my acquaintance.  Cox. 
Your acquaintance is a Limbeck, out of which runneth a perfumed water, bathing my nostrils in a strong scent of your embracings: are you of Court Signior?  Bil. 
No Signior of the City: are you a Don of the City!  Cox. 
No Signior of the Court City, I smile,  Bil. 
Why.  Cox. 
I assure you Signior, you are to us of the Court but Animals You are held but as shooing horns to wait on great Lords heels.  Bil. 
Let 'em pay us what they owe then, and pull on their shoes, and we'll wait no more.  Cox. 
You are our Apes.  Bil. 
But you are fuller of Apish-tricks.  Cox. 
No sooner leap our Ladies into a fashion, but your Wives are ready to creep into the same.  Bil. 
Why not; for though some of your Ladies invent the fashion, some of our wives husbands are never paid for the stuff or making.  Cox. 
Give way with your poor scull to our oars: for I tell thee Signior you of the city, are the flatten milk of the kingdom, and we of the Court, the Cream.  Bil. 
I tell thee Signior! we of the City eat none of your Court butter, but some of your munch up our flatten milk cheese.  Cox. 
Be not too loud; though you are good ringers in the City, for most of you have bells at your doors.  Bil. 
Be not you too loud: for you might be good singers at Court but that most of you are spoiled in learning your pricksong.  Cox. 
be temperate: I will show you your City cinquepace, you bear, swear, tear, rear, and wear; you bear the Tankard, swear shop oaths, tear money out of debtors throats, rear rich estates, wear good clothes, but carry your Conscience in torn pockets.  Bil. 
be attentive, I will show you your Court Coranto pace, it consisteth of 5. bees and 3. cees; you borrow of any man, are brave on any terms, brag at any hand to pay, bellow at any that demands it, bite any Catchpole that fangs you, but carry neither Conscience nor coin in your whole pockets.  Cox. 
Tell me Signior, tell me why in the City does a harmless sign hang at the door of a subtle Nicodemus sitting in a shop?  Bil. 
And tell me Signior, tell me, why when you eat our good cheer i'th' City, have you handsome wide chops, but meeting us at Court, none; your gum's glued up, your lips coped like a Ferret, not so much as the corner of a Custard; if a cold cup, and a dry cheat loaf 'tis well.  Cox. 
Come, come, You are Acorns, and your Sons the Prodigals that eat you up.  Bil. 
Go, go, you are Prodigals, and glad of the yellow Acorns we leave our Sons.  Cox. 
I will cross myself when I owe money to a Citizen, and pass by his door.  Bil. 
I will bless myself, when a Courtier owing me no money, comes near my door.  Cor. 
You are descended from the tankard generation.  Bil. 
You are ascended up to what you are, from the black Jack and bombard distillation.  Cox. 
Dear Signior.  Bil. 
Delicious Don.  Exeunt. Enter Don john. Ioh. 
Boy.  Pach. 
My Lord.  Ioh. 
Art sure thou sawst the Admiral at Court!  Pach. 
Am I sure I see your Lordship in your gown.  Ioh. 
And talking with the King?  Pach. 
Most familiarly.  Ioh. 
And what say the people about my committing to mine own house?  Pach. 
The beast grins at it, there's a Libel already of you my Lord.  Ioh. 
A Libel, away.  Pa. 
Yes faith my Lord, and a Song to the tune of Lament Ladies, Lament.  Ioh. 
I'm glad the stinkards are so merry, a halter on 'em, it's music to them to have every man thrown off, you have seen the king's Mistress, boy have you not, what manner of piece is't?  Pach. 
Troth my Lord I know not, I never saw her shot off, a pretty little pocket dag.  Ioh. 
What report gives she?  Pach. 
A very good report of her Husband, but he gives an ill report of her.  Ioh. 
How does the Ladies take it; now the King keeps a  
Wench under the queen's nose?  Pach. 
They take it passing heavily, it goes to the heart of some of them, that he keeps not them too.  Ioh. 
I heard say they were all once leaving the Court?  Pach. 
True sir, but there was a device which stopped 'em.  Ioh. 
Who are you!  Knocking within. Val. 
My Lord, we must speak with you.  Ioh. 
What are you? fetch me a weapon  Omn. 
Your friends.  King. 
'Sdeath break it open.  Enter King, Valasco, and others. Ioh. 
The King; I did not understand your Majesty.  King. 
You shall, for I'll speak plain to you, know you these?  Ioh. 
Not I.  King. 
You do not, a king's arm thou seest  
Has a long reach, as far as Portugal  
Can We fetch treason back hatched here by you.  Ioh. 
Me!  King. 
Thee and the traitorous Portugals to deprive me  
Of life and Crown, but I shall strike their King  
And them, and thee beneath into the earth.  Ioh. 
And lower than earth you cannot.  King. 
Half your body is in the grave, it only lacks our hand  
To cast the dust upon you, yet you stand  
On slippery Ice yourself, and trip at us  
Whose foot is fixed on Rocks, but since thoust, thrown  
thyself down never look to rise.  Ioh. 
I care not, I will be little so in debt to you, that I will not owe you so much as God a mercy for my life.  King. 
You shall not then, stand not to aim at marks  
Now rove not but make choice of one fair white  
thoust but one arrow to shoot, and that's thy flight  
The Admiral knows our pleasure.  Exit. Ioh. 
And Heaven knows mine  
Left in mine enemy's hand, are you my jailor?  Val. 
No my Lord, I think I'm rather left  
To be your Confessor.  Ioh. 
I need not any,  
That you and I should both meet at one Ball,  
I being the stronger, yet you give the fall.  Val. 
A kind of football slight, my Lord, men use  
Exceeding much at Court, yourself has heard  
Little shrimps have thrown men higher than the Guard;  
But barring this rough play, let's now consider,  
For what I stay, and what you are to do.  Ioh. 
Do what?  Val. 
To die.  Ioh. 
And must you play the Hangman.  Val. 
Break in fellows.  Guard. Ioh. 
'Sdeath what are these?  Val. 
Your Executioners appointed by the King.  Ioh. 
These my Executioners,  
And you my overseer; wherefore kneel they?  Val. 
To beg your pardon, for they fear their work  
Will never please you.  Ioh. 
What book's that they hold  
This is no time for Dedications.  Val. 
That book is sent in Love to you from the King  
It contains pictures of strange sundry deaths  
He bids you choose the easiest.  Ioh. 
Then I choose this.  Snatches a halberd. Val. 
Your choice is ill made.  Ioh. 
I'm more sorry Sir,  
I had rather have my body hacked with wounds,  
Then t'have a Hangman fillip me.  Val. 
My Lord pray pardon me  
I'm forced to what I do, 'tis the king's pleasure  
To have you die in private.  Ioh. 
anywhere  
Since I must down, the King might let me fall  
From lofty Pinnacles, to make my way  
Through an armed Field, yet for all that, even then  
Unless I slew a kingdom full of men  
I should at last be paid home: blackest fate  
Thy worst, I here defy thee, what the State  
Appoints 'tis welcome.  Val. 
That's to have your head.  Ioh. 
'Tis ready.  Val. 
he'll be quiet when you are dead.  Exeunt. Enter Tormiella, Malevento, and Alphonso. Alph. 
Madam there's a fellow stays without to speak with you.  Tor. 
With me!  Enter Cordolente. Alph. 
Your shoemaker I think.  Tor. 
hast brought my shoes?  Cor. 
Yes Madam.  Tor. 
You drew them not on last.  Gor. 
No Madam, my Master that served you last has very good custom, and deals with other Ladies as well as you, but I have fitted you before now, I should know the length of your foot.  Tor. 
I do not remember thee.  Cor. 
I'm sorry you have forgotten me.  Tar. 
What shoe was the last you drew on?  Cor. 
A yellow.  Tor. 
A yellow! I never wore that colour.  Cor. 
Yes Madam by that token when I fitted you first, you wore not your shoes so high i'th' instep, but methinks you now go clean awry.  Tor. 
A fault I cannot help, many Ladies besides me go so,  
I hope 'twill grow to a fashion..  Mal. 
Has not that fellow done there?  Cor. 
Yes sir, I have now done, I have a suit to you Madam, that none may be your shoemaker but I.  Tor. 
Thy Master thou sayst serves me, I should wrong him then.  Cor. 
Yet do you me more wrong, oh my Tormiella!  
Is the leaf torn out where our Love was writ,  
That I am quite forgot!  Tor. 
Softly good sweet.  Cor. 
Oh misery, I make myself a thief,  
To steal mine own, another at my fire  
Sits whiles I shake with cold, I fatten a stranger,  
And starve myself.  Tor. 
Danger throws eyes upon thee,  
Thus visit me, watch time for my escape  
To any Country, by thy dearest side  
I'll lackey all the world o'er, I'll not change  
Thee for a thousand Kings; there's gold.  Mal. 
Not yet done?  Cor. 
Yes sir, I'm only taking instructions to make her a lower chopine, she finds fault that she's lifted too high.  Mal. 
The more fool she.  Enter jago. Iag. 
The King comes Madam, he inquires for you.  Enter King, Valasco, Gazetto, and others. King. 
My brother john is gone then?  Val. 
I ha' bestowed him as you commanded, in's grave.  King. 
he's best there,  
Except the Gods, Kings love none whom they fear.  
How now!  Tor. 
My Shoemaker.  King. 
Oh haste fitted her, so, hence sir.  Cor. 
As a worm on my belly, what should the Ant,  
On his poor Molehill brave the Elephant,  
No, Signior no,  
No brains to stay, but saves a head to go.  Exit. King. 
Let me have no more of this: have not we eyes  
Pointed like sunbeams, go to, get you in.  Tor. 
angel from Heaven, fall'n a king's Concubine.  Exit. Enter Martin's. Mar. 
May it please your Grace,  King. 
Ha!  Mar. 
Her Highness drowned in sorrow, that your brow  
Has been so long contracted into frowns,  
Wishing to die unless she see it smoothed,  
Commends her best love to you in this jewel  
The Image of her heart.  King. 
My Lord Admiral, my wife's grown kind, see!  Val. 
One of the happiest hours  
Mine age e'er numbered; would your highness now  
Would fetch up the red blood her cheeks hath lost  
By sending her, some symbol of your love.  King. 
Pray step yourself unto her, say I lock  
My heart up in your bosom to her use, and give it her  Val. 
I'll lend it in your name.  King. 
Do.  Val. 
She shall pay her heart for it in interest.  Exit. King. 
I'll see her anon  
Leave us, stay you, and set that Table here.  Exeunt. 
A chair, none trouble us, do you serve the Queen?  Mar. 
Yes sir.  King. 
We know you now, y'are in our eye  
Are the doors fast?  Mar. 
They are Sir.  King. 
Nearer yet,  
Do not you know of a conspiracy,  
To take away my life upon Saint— tush,  
No matter for the day, you know the plot Sir?  Mar. 
By Heaven I know of none!  King. 
Blushing do you stain?  Mar. 
It is not guilt but anger.  King. 
Y'ave all fixed  
Your hands and Seals to an Indenture drawn  
By such a day to kill me.  Mar. 
For my part  
My Loyalty like a rough Diamond shines  
The more 'tis cut, I have no hand in that  
Or any baseness else against your Life  
Or Kingdom.  King. 
No!  Mar. 
None.  King. 
Fetch me Ink and Paper  
I soon shall try that, come Sir write your name:  
Stay, your own words shall choke you, 'twas a letter  
Wrapped up in hidden Characters, and sent  
Enclosed in a Pomegranate, to a great Don  
And thus subscribed: At your pleasure your obsequious vassal  
Write this, and then your name, here.  Mar. 
At your pleasure.  King. 
Thy hand shakes.  Mar. 
No sir, Your obsequious Vassal.  King. 
Here sir, your name now there so low it stood.  Mar. 
Martin's Cazalla de Barameda.  King. 
There's in thy face no Traitor I cannot tell  
Good mouths have given thee to me, on your life  
Be not you like a Wolves-skin Drum to fright  
The whole Heard by your sound, I will compare  
Your hand with this, that's all, but sir beware  
You prate to none of what twixt us is passed.  Mar. 
Were I i'th' world above, I would desire  
To come from thence, to give that man the lie,  
That once should dare to blot my Loyalty.  King. 
Here take this Key, meet me some half hour hence i'th' privy Gallery with two naked Poniards.  Mar. 
Two poniards.  Exit. Enter Gazetto. King. 
Yes, go send somebody in, stay, Lupo  
Can you write?  Gaz. 
Yes.  King. 
Indite a Letter— 'sdeath sir— here begin  Gaz. 
After my hearty Commendations, so sir.  King. 
How! write— My most admired Mistress.  Gaz. 
Mired Mistress,  King. 
With the fire you first kindled in me, still I am burnt.  Gaz. 
Still I am burnt:  King. 
So that Thunder shall not hinder me from climbing the highest step of the Ladder.  Gaz. 
Climbing the highest step of the Ladder.  King. 
Of your perfections, though I be confounded for ever.  Gaz. 
Be confounded for ever.  King. 
Your high pleasures are mine, mine yours.  Gaz. 
Mine yours.  King. 
And I die ever lastingly until I be in your bosom.  Gaz. 
And I die— until I be in your bosom.  King. 
So.  Gaz. 
So.  King. 
Hold.  Gaz. 
Here sir.  King. 
Where are the Gentlemen of our Chamber?  Gaz. 
Without Sir?  King. 
Bid them attend us close.  Gaz. 
I shall.  Exeunt. Enter Martin's with two Poniards. Mar. 
Would this days work were done, I do not like  
To see a Bull to a wild Figtree tied  
To make him tame, beasts licking 'gainst the hair  
Foreshow some storm, and I foresee some snare:  
His sword is dipped in oil, yet does it wound  
Deadly, yet stand it, innocence wronged is crowned.  Enter the King, Alphonso, and Gazetto. Omn. 
Treason!  King. 
Where?  Omn. 
Kill the Villain.  All draw. King. 
Stay, none touch him  
On your lives; on king's shoulders stand  
The heads of the colossy of the Gods  
(Above the reach of Traitors) were the beds  
Of twenty thousand Snakes laid in this bosom,  
There's thunder in our looks to break them all,  
Leave us.  Omn. 
You are too venturous.  Exeunt. King. 
jove cannot fall,  
Both person place and business were quite lost  
Out of our memory, lay aside these poniards  
We have altered now our business, you shall bear sir  
Our salutation to the Queen— not sealed!  
'Sfoot, nor endorsed! some Ink, come let the forehead  
Have no more wrinkles in't-but this, to the Queen,  
Write it.  Mar. 
To the Queen, no more!  King. 
No, no, 'tis well,  
Hast thou no Seal about thee? if my wife  
Exceptions take missing our royal signet  
Say that not having that, I borrowed yours.  Mar. 
I shall Sir.  Exit. Enter All. King. 
Hide it, go-without there.  Omn. 
Sir.  King. 
You met him did you not, how looked the slave?  Omn. 
Most strangely.  King. 
unparalleled Villain! devil's could not set  
To hatch such spiteful mischief, guard me closely,  
When you see him at the stake then worry him,  
Are all weaponed?  Omn. 
All, all.  King. 
When Darts invisible do fly,  
A slave may kill a Lion in the eye.  Exeunt. Enter Queen, and Tormiella. Qu. 
Who gave you this?  Tor. 
A Gentleman of your Chamber.  Enter Martin's. Qn. 
Call in the Villain,  
Thou audacious Serpent!  
How dar'st thou wind in knotted curls thy lust  
About our honour; where hadst thou this Letter?  Mar. 
I had it from the King.  Qu. 
Out impudent Traitor.  Enter King, jago, Gazetto, Alphonso. King. 
How now at barleybreak, who are in Hell?  
What's that? to the Queen, what Queen!  Qu. 
Me, 'tis to me  
Your mistress there the Messenger, her Secretary  
He here.  King. 
Uds death.  Qu. 
Your Trull and he have laid  
Trains to blow up mine honour, I am betrayed.  King. 
Lupo, Fasten her.  Qu. 
Fasten me!  King. 
jago see.  
Look all, bind fast this Devil, is there no Circle  
To be damned in but mine.  Qu. 
Slave let me go.  King. 
Oh thou lustful harlot.  Qu. 
Guard me Heaven.  Mar. 
I'm sold.  Qu. 
Thou Villain speak truth.  King. 
Keep her off.  Mar. 
Most basely.  
Betrayed and baffled, is that Letter the same  
I sent in to the Queen.  Tor. 
The very same.  King. 
Is this thy hand?  Mar. 
'Tis sir, but hear me.  King. 
And this thy name, thy hand?  Mar. 
My name, my hand.  Qu. 
Save him and let him spit  
His blackest poison forth?  King. 
Spare him, unhand her.  Qu. 
Let me have justice as thou art a King!  King. 
To prison with them both.  Qu. 
As I am thy wife  
Make not thyself a strumpet of me.  King. 
Hence, guard her.  Qu. 
I come Heaven, guarded with innocence.  Exit. King. 
Follow your Mistress, you.  Tor. 
Yes, to her grave.  
Oh that I now were swallowed in some Wave.  Exit. King. 
Oh that I  
Should in a woman's lap my Kingdom lay,  
Honour and life, and she should all betray  
To a Groom, a slave.  Iag. 
Let not her poison run  
Too near your heart.  King. 
jago I have done,  
Pray let my grief want company, this wrack  
So great, shall make th'whole Kingdom mourn in black.  Exeunt. 
Lupo!  Gaz. 
Did your Highness call!  King. 
Yes, hark thee Lupo:  
It may be thouart a Serpent dull of sight,  
Be quick of hearing, may be thouart a Hare  
And canst see sideways, let me lock up here,  
What ever's laid in there.  Gaz. 
I am strongly charmed.  King. 
Wilt venture for me?  Gaz. 
To the threshold of hell.  King. 
May I trust thee?  Gaz. 
Else employ me not.  King. 
Didst ever kill a Scorpion?  Gaz. 
Never, I ha' been stung by one.  King. 
Didst never bait a wild Bull?  Gaz. 
That's the pastime I most love and follow.  King. 
A strange disease  
Hangs on me, and our Doctors say the blood  
Only of these two beasts must do me good,  
Dar'st thou attempt to kill them?  Gaz. 
Were they Devils  
With heads of Iron, and Claws jointed with brass,  
Encounter them I shall, in what Park run they?  King. 
The Queen that Scorpion is, Tormiella's husband  
The mad Ox broken loose; in a small volume  
What mischief may be writ, in a maze!  Gaz. 
No, in a muse,  
I'm plotting how to do't, and to come off.  King. 
This does it, by this key burst up all doors  
That can betray thee, done be sure to rise,  
Let a king's royal breath, send the hence flying.  Gaz. 
As Powder does the Bullet.  King. 
Heaped up honours  
Are schedules to thine enterprise annexed,  
Do it and mount—  Gaz. 
To th'gallows.  King. 
thyself goes next.  Exit. Gaz. 
I scorn to be thy blood hound  
Why should I vex a Soul did never grieve me?  
The Queen an honest Lady: should I kill her,  
It were as if I pulled a Temple down,  
And from the ruins of that built up a stews,  
She lives, but Butcher like the Ox I'll use.  Exit.  

ACTVS, V.  Enter King. Valasco, Malevento Alphonso. Mal. 
Oh royal Sir, my Daughter Tormiella  
Has lost her use of reason and run mad.  King. 
When!  Mal. 
Not half an hour since.  King. 
Mad now! now frantic!  
When all my hopes are at their highest pitch  
T'enjoy her beauties! talk no more: thou liest.  Enter Gazetto. Gaz. 
May it please your Majesty-  King. 
Curses consume thee— on—  Strikes. Gaz. 
It is dispatched, the Queen is lost, never to be found.  King. 
Wave upon Wave,  
Hard hearted Furies, when will you dig my Grave:  
You do not hear him, thunder shakes Heaven first  
Before dull Earth can feel it:  
My dear, dearest Queen is dead.  Val. 
Ha!  Omn. 
The Queen dead!  King. 
What said she last!  Gaz. 
Commend me to the King  
And tell him this, mine honour is not wracked,  
Though his Love be.  King. 
And so her heartstrings cracked!  Val. 
Some trick upon my life, State-conjuring  
To raise up Devils in Prisons, and i'th' dark:  
If she be dead, I'll see her.  King. 
Villainous man,  
Thou see what we have enjoyed, thou impudent fool  
Away, jago give this tumbling Whale  
Empty barrels to play with, till this troublous Seas  
(Which he more raging makes) good Heaven appease.  Val. 
Well, I say nothing, Birds in Cages mourn  
At first, but at last sing; I will take my turn.  Exit. King. 
My Queen dead, I shall now have rhyming slaves  
Libel upon us, giving her innocent wings  
But say we murdered her, scandal dare strike Kings:  
Then here's another Moon of Spain Eclipsed,  
One whom our best loved Queen put in her bosom,  
For sweetness of pure life, integrity,  
And (in Court beauties wondrous) honesty,  
she's mad too, Lupo, Tormiella's mad!  Gaz. 
Mad!  Iag. 
As a March whore.  Gaz. 
Mad, shall I work upon her?  King. 
Use thy skill.  Exit Gazetto. Iag. 
I would to Heaven your highness—  King. 
Ha! the Queen! was she not at my elbow?  Omn. 
Here was nothing.  King. 
I must not live thus, jago if I lie  
After the kingly fashion without a woman  
I shall run mad at midnight; I will marry  
The Lunatic Lady, she shall be my Queen,  
Proclaim her so.  Iag. 
Your highness does but jest!  King. 
All the world's frantic, mad with mad are best.  Exit Iag. 
Wretched state of Kings, that standing high,  
Their faults are marks, shot at by every eye.  Exit. Enter Tormiella, Malevento, Gazetto. Gaz. 
Give me the key, make all fast, leave us, I'll screw her wits to the right place.  Mal. 
Apollo bless thee.  Exit. Tor. 
Are not you a woollen-Draper?  Gaz. 
Yes.  Tor. 
Whether is a woman's life measured by the Ell or the Yard.  Gaz. 
All women by the Yard sure, it's no life else.  Tor. 
I'm now near seventeen years old, if I should die at these years, am I not a fool.  Gaz. 
Yes marry are you, for the Law allows none to be of discretion, till they come to twenty one.  Tor. 
Out upon you, you are a Lawyer, pray get you hence, for you'll not leave me clothes to my back if I keep you company, I'm mad enough now, and you'll make me stark mad.  Gaz. 
I am not what I seem, no Doctor I  
But by your Husband sent in this disguise  
To sound your bosom.  Tor. 
You bob for eels, do you not?  Gaz. 
Here has he locked his mind up, but for me  
To put a burning linstock in a hand  
That may give fire, and send my Soul in powder,  
I know not, pardon me, fare you well Lady.  Tor. 
Hist do you hear?  Gaz. 
The eyes of mercy guard thee  
Were't known for what I ventured thus, 'twere death,  
I'll to your husband.  Tor. 
Stay, I am not mad  
Yet I have cause to rave, my wits like Bells  
Are backward rung, only to fright the Tyrant  
That whilst his wild lust wanders, I may fly  
To my sweet husband's arms, here I have hid  
The trains I mean to lay for mine escape.  Gaz. 
Excellent, he shall second you.  Tor. 
Should any watch us!  Gaz. 
All's fast, run mad again then, the King thinks  
Me some rare fellow, you shall leave the Court  
Now if you'll taste my Counsel.  Torm. 
I'll drink gall to cure me of this sickness.  Gaz. 
Sit then down here  
I'll bind you fast because it shall appear,  
That you grow worse and worse, then will I tell  
The King, the only course to leave you well,  
Is to remove you home to mine own Lodging,  
I'll bind you.  Tor. 
For ever to thee.  Gaz. 
Once hence, you may fly  
To th' straits, and then cross o'er to Barbary:  
So, th' art a Strumpet.  Tor. 
What's that you speak!  Gaz. 
A damned one;  
Dost thou not know me! I am Gazetto!  Tor. 
Mercy.  Gaz. 
Who like a ball of wildfire have been tossed  
To make others sport, but here I burst and kill:  
A perjured Strumpet.  Tor. 
I am none,  
My Father swore that I should marry thee,  
And then a Tiger and a Lamb had met,  
I ne'er was thine, nor ever will be.  Gaz. 
Swear thou art not mine,  
That when I see thy heart drunk with hot oaths,  
This Fiend may pitch thee reeling into Hell,  
Swear that thou art not mine.  Tor. 
By heaven I am not,  
To prove I swear right to thee, change that weapon,  
See at my Girdle hang my wedding knives,  
With those dispatch me.  Gaz. 
To th' heart?  Tor. 
Aim right I beseech thee.  Gaz. 
I'll not kill thee now for spite  
Because thou beg'st it.  Tor. 
Then good villain spare me!  Gaz. 
Neither, here's that shall sink thee; to the King  
Thy juggling and these Letters shall be shown.  Tor. 
Upon thy head be my confusion  
The King! I shall both feed his rage and lust,  
First doom me to any Tortures!  Gaz. 
Thou shalt then swear—  Unbinds her. 
Because I know he'll force the tie a knot,  
The Church must see and sigh at, if he marries thee,  
Swear when he comes to touch thy naked side,  
To bury him in those sheets, thou art his Bride.  Tor. 
By Heaven that night's his last, my just heart keeps  
This vow graven there.  Gaz. 
Till then my vengeance sleeps,  
Where is the King?  Enter King, jago, Alphonso, Malevento. Gaz. 
I have refined  
That Chaos which confounded her fair mind.  Kin. 
Move in thy voice the Spheres, when next thou speakst, Tormiella.  Tor. 
I am well my fearful dream  
Is vanished, thanks to Heaven and that good man.  King. 
Thou giv'st me another Crown, oh Vindicados,  
The axletree on which my Kingdom moves,  
Leans on thy shoulders, I am all thine; Tormiella!  
Bright Cynthia look not pale, Endymion's here,  
Hymen shall fetch a leap from Heaven t'alight  
Full in thine arms, back thou black ominous night.  Exeunt. Enter Cordolente. Cor. 
Signior Lupo, why Don, not know me, I am the poor Shopkeeper, whose ware is taken up by the King.  Gaz. 
You lie.  Cor. 
True, as judges do with their wives, very seldom, I am Cordolente a poor gudgeon diving thus under water, to see how Neptune and his Mermaids swim together, but dare not come near him, for fear he sets Dogfish to devour me.  Gaz. 
An excellent mask against the marriage, now get a private Coat, the King means to have you stabbed.  Cor. 
He does that already, with the bodkin that sticks in my wife's hair.  Gaz. 
He has not the patience to stay the dressing of his meat of thy providing, he will have it taken up, and eat the flesh raw, he will be married incontinently.  Cor. 
Will she set her hands to my horns?  Gaz. 
Yes, and set them to your head, she follows the steps of her old grandam, all evils take their names from her, the ills of eve, thy wife for the hoop ring thou marriedst her withal, hath sworn to send thee a death's head.  Cor. 
Sworn!  Gaz. 
Sworn, were thy case my case; I would set a Devil at her elbow in the very Church, I would kill her as she gave away her hand.  Cor. 
Wilt help me to a fit Circle to play the Devil in?  Gaz. 
I'll place thee, I'll put thy foot into the stirrup.  Cor. 
And I will rid the world of one of his diseases, a loose woman.  Gaz. 
Farewell, eat her very heart. Exit.  Cor. 
As we feed one upon another, hungerly—  Exeunt. oboes: Enter two Friars setting out an Altar, Enter jago, Alphonso, Gazetto, Malevento, two Churchmen, Tormiella next and the King, Ladies attending, Cordolente steals in, and stands in some by place, the King stays or sits in a chair, Tormiella is brought to him, as she is coming the King meets her; as the ring is putting on, Cordolente steps in rudely, breaks them off, Tormiella flies to his bosom, the King offers to stab him, is held: she kneels, sues, weeps, Cordolente is thrust out, Gazetto laughs at all, they are preparing to it again, it Thunders and Lightens: all affrightedly— Exeunt. Enter Cordolente. Cord. 
Dost thou tell me of thy Proclamations that I am banished from the Court, that Court where I came to thee, was none of thine, it belongs to a King that keeps open Court, one that never wronged a poor Beggar, never took away any man's wife, unless he sent his Pursuivant death for her: oh thou daring Sacrilegious royal Thief; wilt thou rob the Church too, as thou hast me! thrust me out of that house too in the Sanctuary, turned Devil in a crowd of Angels!  Enter Gazetto. Gaz. 
Why didst not kill her?  Cor. 
I had no power to kill her  
Charms of Divinity pulled back mine Arm,  
She had Armour of proof on, (reverence of the place)  
She is not married, is she, shorten my pains;  Gaz. 
Heaven came itself down, and forbade the Banes.  Enter jago. Iag. 
You must both to th' King.  Gaz. 
Must! we are for him.  Cor. 
Now do I look for a fig.  Gaz. 
Chew none, fear nothing.  Exeunt. Flourish. Enter King, Tormiella, Valasco, Malevento, Alphonso. King. 
Has heaven left chiding yet! there's in thy voice  
A thunder that worse frights me, didst thou swear  
In bed to kill me, had I married thee?  Tor. 
It was my vow to do so.  King. 
And did that Villain,  
That Lupo Vindicado's, thrust this vengeance  
Into thy desperate hand?  Tor. 
That Villain swore me  
To speed you, I had died else; me had he murdered,  
When in a doctor's shape he came to cure  
The madness which in me was counterfeit,  
Only to shun-your touches.  King. 
Strange preservation!  Enter jago, Gazetto, and cordolente. Val. 
Here comes the traitor!  King. 
Devil, didst thou tempt this woman 'gainst my life?  Gaz. 
Has she betrayed me, yes, hence Antic vizors  
I'll now appear myself.  Mal. 
Gazetto!  Gaz. 
The same.  Cor. 
I ha' warmed a Snake in my bosom.  Mal. 
This is he,  
To whom by promise of my mouth, (not hers)  
Tormiella should ha' been married, but flying him  
To run away with this, he in disguise  
Has followed Both thus long to be revenged.  Gaz. 
And were not my hands tied by your prevention:  
It should go forward yet, my plot lay there  
(King) to have her kill thee; this Cuckold her,  
Then had I made him Hawks-meat.  Val. 
Bloody Varlet.  King. 
Rare Providence, I thank thee, what a heap  
Of mischiefs have I brought upon my Kingdom,  
By one base Act of lust, and my greatest horror  
Is that for her I made away my Queen  
By this destroyer's hand, this crimson Hellhound  
That laughs at nothing but fresh Villainies.  Gaz. 
The laughing days I wished for, are now come sir  
I am glad that leaping into such a Gulf,  
I am not drowned, your Queen lives.  King. 
Ha!  Gaz. 
She lives; I had no reason to kill her.  Val. 
A better Spirit  
Stood at his elbow, than you planted there,  
My poor Girl your sad Queen, breathes yet.  King. 
Long may she,  
Fetch her, commend me to her, cheer her (Father.)  Val. 
With the best heart I have.  Exit. King. 
Let that sly Bawd  
Engine of Hell, who wrought upon thy Chastity  
Be whipped through Seville, four such tempting witches  
May undo a City come, you wronged pair  
By a King that parted you, you new married are.  
Enjoy each other and prosper.  Cor. 
I do already,  
Feeling more joys than on my Wedding day,  
I ne'er till now was married.  Tor. 
Nor I ever happy until this hour.  Mal. 
Nor I, as I am true Lord.  King. 
No sir, y'are no true Lord, you have a title,  
A face of honour, as in Courts many have,  
For base and servile prostitutions,  
And you are such a one, your daughter's fall  
Was first step to your rising, and her rising  
Again to that sweet goodness she never went from,  
Must be your fall, and strip you of all honours  
Your Lordship is departed.  Mal. 
Does the Bell ring out! I care not  
Your Kingdom was a departing too, I had a place in Court for nothing, and if it be gone, I can lose nothing; I ha' been like a Lord in a play, and that done, my part ends.  King. 
Yes sir, I purge my Court of such Infection.  Mal. 
I shall find-company i'th' City I warrant; I am not the first hath given up my Cloak of honour.  Exit. Enter Valasco, john, and Queen. King. 
Oh my abused heart, thy pardon, see  
I have sent home my stolen goods:  Qu. 
Honestly!  King. 
As she was ever; now with full clear eyes  
I see thy beauty, and strange Cheeks despise.  Qu. 
You call me from a grave of shame and sorrow.  
In which I lay deep buried.  Ioh. 
From a grave likewise  
Your Majesty calls me, I have looked back  
On all my poor Ambitions, and am sorry,  
That I fell ever from so bright a Sphere,  
As is the Love of such a royal brother.  King. 
Be as you speak, we are friends, it was our will  
To let you know, we can, or save, on kill.  Ioh. 
Your mercy new transforms me.  King. 
Sirrah your saving  
My Queen, when I confess (lust me so blinded)  
I would have gladly lost her; gives thee life.  Qu. 
First I thank Heaven, then him, and at last you.  Gaz. 
I had not the heart to hurt a woman, if I had, your little face had been malled ere this, but my Anger's out, forgive me.  Tor. 
With all my heart.  King. 
Pray noble brother love this man, he's honest,  
I ha' made of him good proof, we should have had  
A wedding, but Heaven frowned at it, and I  
Am glad 'tis crossed, yet we'll both Feast and dance,  
Our Fame hath all this while lain in a Trance:  
Come Tormiella, well were that City blessed,  
That with but, Two such women should excel,  
But there's so few good, thoust no Parallel.  Exeunt.  
FINIS.