A DISCOVERSE OF THE MARRIED AND SINGLE LIFE.  
WHEREIN, BY DISCOVERING THE MISERY OF THE one, is plainly declared the felicity of the other.  
Bona pudicitia coniugalis, sed melior continentia virginalis.  
LONDON, Imprinted for jonas Man.  
1621.   

The Preface to the Masculine Reader.  
Never was there any thing so perfectly good, that by traducing tongues hath not been made to seem evil, neither hath there any thing been so absolutely evil, that either by colourable speeches, or fair pretences may not be made to seem good.  
Some men apply themselves to reading only, to procure matter of contradiction, that what others defend, they would disprove, and what by others is disallowed, shall by them be highly commended. But such as are wise, have learned to suspend their judgements in, concerning that which either pleaseth or displeaseth them, until they have laid such infallible grounds, as may justly clear them from all suspicion, either of folly for approving that which in itself is known to be ill, or of maliciousness, for disproving that, the goodness whereof. (it is likely) they never understood. The Author's intent in this ensuing discourse, is not to breed in men's minds a dislike of that which in itself is good, both in respect of him that ordained it, as also the ends wherefore it was ordained, which are most good. But since his discourse is of Marriage, he is to be conceived either as a detector of the miseries thereof, proceeding rather from the persons, than the thing itself, or as a director to the comforts thereof; which chief consist in such qualities and dispositions, as are directly contrary to such as here be mentioned. As therefore we have just occasion to love them that show us a good way, and direct us in it: so are we not to despise them that by detecting unto us the evil way, teach us to avoid it.  
The differences that are betwixt the married and the single life, as there was never any man so wise as to know them all, so never as yet hath any man discovered them all, which makes it a point of great difficulty for a man to know which is the better, until he have tasted both; and then shall he only learn, that the inferiors of the one do only exceed the inconveniences of the other.  
If we should take this Author's opinion, who will perhaps be judged partial, having never tried both, he doth certainly prefer the single before the double, and in so doing, will also give us some reason why he may be believed, because the actions of many of the best men have witnessed the truth of that which he maintaineth; and so much the rather also, because there are many reasons why that should be preferred before this, & but one only, why this should be preferred before that.  
The temptations of the single life, are subject to persuade a man to marry; the encumbrances of the married life, to dissuade a man therefrom. Let us consider of that happiness wherein man lived before be enjoyed the company of a woman, and so behold that misery wherein he is enwrapped since the time he partaked therein; and it will be an argument sufficient to induce a man to approve that, which in itself was good, rather than of that which in itself was the only cause of the depravation of that only good. Let but a man consider the many qualities, wherewith he that will be married must be burdened, and those few that will serve for the single life, and he shall be rather induced to choose that whereunto nature of herself hath fitted him, one only being wanting, than desire that whereunto there is so much requisite, as it is not almost possible for a man to attain in the whole course of his life. He that would live without a wife, needs strive for no other quality, but Chastity, all other will offer themselves; he need only entertain her. But he that will be married, must measure both his words and his actions according to the disposition of his wife; he must both be diligent in looking to her, that her steps go not awry, and he must be also careful to look to himself, lest he incur the suspicion of jealousy.  
The subjections, that he must yield both to her and her kindred, if he be any thing imperious (and so he will if he be not a natural) are most intolerable: the censures that he must undergo, and the hard taxations that will be imposed upon him, even for his privatest speeches, will, if he come to know them, make him wish he had never felt them.  
Let a man also consider the qualities, wherewith women are endued, which for the most part are opposite to those of men: as, her wantonness, to his sobriety; her frowardness, to his meekness; her stubbornness, to his patience; her pride, to his humility; her lightness, to his gravity; her disliking, to that which he approveth; her coveting of which he denieth: wherein they justly resemble the shadow of a man's body, which if a man pursue, it will run from him; if he go away, it will follow him: this is all the comfort that a man in his choice can have, that perhaps it may be his fortune, inter malos, non habere pessima: amongst many that are evil, not to light of that which is worst of all: but as this Proverb is, that amongst blind men, he is counted happy that hath but one eye; so in a world of miseries and inconveniences, he is not the worst, whose fortune it is, either to light of the fairest, or to bear the easiest. Many have thought it impossible to know which is the worst quality of a woman; some have made it a great question, whether it were better for a man to marry a shrew, or a sheep, but hardly can it be resolved. If the former, then is she Tyrannical; and the greatest cruelty, is the cruelty of a woman; if the latter, then can she not be endured: for there is no burden more grievous than the folly of a woman. Let a man but weight the infidelity of women, and that in matters of greatest importance, and then let him judge what secure trust can be reposed in them, by whom he shall under stand, not only Towns and Cities, but also Kingdoms and Dominions have been utterly ruinated, either by their treacherous practices, or for the satisfying of their ambitious humours; so that when there shall be nothing to restrain them, but the fear of the Husband's displeasure, which, when occasion is offered, is as likely to change the mischiefs of their intent, as the breath of a man to refel the fury of the wind; or the shaking of a straw to daunt the heart of a Lion; I cannot see by what means he can avoid or escape destruction, that violently casteth himself upon the edge of her oversharp patience.  
Let a man but further consider the great dissiculty that consisteth in the bringing up of Children, if he have them; the infinite discomfort, if he have them not. For their bringing up, we see by daily experience, that in their tender years, they are either by too much lenity made to become dissolute, and effeminately prone to all manner of vice, seeing that indulgence is the only bellowes to Kindle the spark of a corrupt nature; or else by overmuch severity they are made unapt and uncapable of any thing that is good; and so the expectation of the chiefest happiness, is turned into the fruition of the greatest evil: and he that will diligently observe, shall find, that children have by the badness of their mother's disposition, been made the only instrument of their father's discontentment: yea, and sometime the author of their destruction.  
The husband is, by the very institution of marridge, ordained to be the head; and the head was made to rule and govern the body. Now, the difficulty that is incident to this regiment, is such, and so great, that few men take pleasure in possessing it, none at all perform it in that manner they should; the greatest wisdom that herein is required, consisteth in the counselling and discovery, as occasion serveth, of his passions, and in the right applying of his affections, according to the condition of his wife's humour. If he love her too much, then will she condemn him: for plenty always breeds loathsomeness. If he do not manifest his love in that sort that she desireth or expecteth, than she presently imagineth, that he bestoweth it somewhere else; and so being possessed of that jealousy, there is no misery that will not follow of it. If he let her have her will, soverainety is strait turned into Tyranny: If he abridge her, she than falls into a thousand inconveniences. If he be ready to obey her commandments, then will she be most importunate. If he deny her request, though it be never so unreasonable, then is he presently judged unkind and hard-hearted.  
Many men over-venturous, will put their hands into the Hives for honey; but at the last they are stung with Wasps; and no marvel is it, where there are more Wasps than Bees. Yet the stings of a thousand Wasps do not so wound, as the tongue of one woman: for of the one there be many remedies; the other remaineth always incurable: for diseases that be mortal, men should be careful to prevent, because there remaineth no hope to cure them: and such are they that are herein mentioned, namely, the diseases of marriage, the which when men study to cure, the remedy doth ofttimes prove worse, and procure them more danger, than the evil itself was likely to have done; which as it is not unknown to any that have observed the usual proceed of the world, so have they felt the smart thereof, whose fortune it hath been to partake therein. He therefore that would know the difference betwixt the married, and the single life, shall neither find the one to be absolute good, nor the other to be altogether evil: but herein he shall see the difference chiefly to consist, that the inconveniences of the one may be remedied when a man will, the miseries of the other remain uncurable; which as they are many, so it is not possible to reckon them up: some of them in this discourse are touched, the most remain discovered, he that plungeth not into all, shall be sure to leap into some; the benefit he shall get by reading of this, is, that though perhaps he cannot be forewarned by wisdom to prevent them, yet he may be forewarned with patience to endure them; which is the only drift which herein is aimed at.   

A DISCOVERSE OF THE MARRIED AND SINGLE LIFE.  

CHAP. I.  
A Letter of Lindorach the Philosopher, to Cultibert King of the Indians, concerning the inconvenience and discommodities of the married Life.  
I Understand that of the cooking, which I thought I never should have understood, for which cause I am enforced to write that unto thee, which I never thought to have written.  
I hear, thou art about to purchase unto thyself a wife, and the price that thou must give, is thy liberty; that of a King, thou wilt make thyself a Vassal; of a Lord, a servant; and of a man of wit and understanding, wilt show thyself to be void of both.  
I understand, thou bearest on thy head the crown of India: but look unto thyself, thou dost not bear another of patience, or to speak more properly, of folly, and perhaps one worse then both, that thou dost cause other men to frame and publish: the proceeding against malefactors, will now bring to thy house for thy daily expense, a Notary and Examiner, a daily informer and publisher of the whole proceed of thy life.  
And to be brief, that thou wilt bring a Queen over the Indians; a mischief over thy mother, a Lady over thy servants, a Tyrant over thy riches, and a madness over thine own head.  
The Indians rejoice at it, hoping, that thou with thy Mistress, shalt make a cruel station of them.  
The wife which thou shalt take with her imperiousness, shall make a most cruel example of thee.  
The people of Antia are sorrow full, fearing that whereas they are now governed of one that hath reason, they shall be then ruled by a man that is governed of a woman without reason; thy mother lamenteth, for that in the day wherein the insolency of a daughter in law shall inter the duty of a natural some.  
Thy servants are grieved, that whereas now their estate is miserable, in being servants unto a mistress, they shallbe then most miserable, in being servants to a servant.  
Thy riches seem to complain: for that thy treasury and thy store, which ought to be employed in the honourable reward of servants, and especially of soldiers, is turned into wantonness, into jewels, into Chains, into Rings, into Bracelets, into Girdles, into Frontlet's, and other such like things that tend to the adorning of the Wife, and undoing of the Husband.  
Thou only in so great misery, glad and merry, goest laughing to the place of justice, and singing, when thou art at the Tribunal of that sentence that toucheth thyself.  
The servants always go with a slow pace to the Inchantor.  
The Colt is carried unwillingly to the bridle. The Bullock is brought by force to the yoke. The thief is drawn by violence to the stocks, and so to the halter.  
Yet thou runnest violently, and joyfully to thy Enchanter, to thy bridle, to thy yoke, to thy stocks, and to thy halter.  
O man, thou deservest double pity and compassion. First, because thou art miserable: secondly, because thou art blind, and dost not see thy misery. Thou and I do both of us offend, through folly thou, because by marrying, thou persuadest thyself to find contentation in thy mind by thy wife: And I, in thinking by writing unto thee, to find fidelity, and present change in thee.  
As for my folly, it is much less than thine, for that I attempt a thing, howsoever not easy, yet at the least possible; and thou hopest for that which both is hard, and also impossible ever to be done.  
The letter which I writ unto thee, I know thou wilt read it laughing: but whensoever thou readest it, know that I have writ it sorrowing.  
And know further, that thou wilt not laugh so much at my letter, as others here after will laugh at thy harm.  
Now if thou shalt despise my counsel, yet grant at the least my request, that though perhaps thou mayst cast away my words, yet keep this my letter by thee, and after a little time that thou hast been with thy Spouse, turn her to read it; and if in reading of it, she do not lift her face up to heaven; if she do not turn up the white of her eye; if she do not strike her nails upon her teeth; if she do not beat thee upon thy cheeks; if she do not ruffle and disorder thy beard; if she do not smite thee upon thy breast: Then am I no Philosopher, then am I no man, then is thy wife no woman.  
For that believe me, if thou wilt believe the truth, that to marry, and to repent, are as near alike one to the other, as to day & to morrow; so that if thou meanest to marry to day, thou shalt be sure to repent to morrow.   

CHAP. II.  
A Letter of Lindorach, wherein is declared the conditions of many married folks, chief of the manners & conditions of Wives.  
Heard and opposite, even as Scylla and Charibais, are the show of diverse conditions, the which it is necessary that from time to time I do propound them unto thee, that thereby thou mayest see, whereunto wives of necessity do often slide, and with them draw their husbands unto danger.  
The wife which thou hast to take, but I mistake myself, and will return, the wife of whom thou art to be taken, she must for her being, either be fair or foul.  
If she be fair, she will then be adorned, if foul, she will deserve to be rejected: if she be fair, she shallbe loved of many; if foul, she shallbe abhorred of all.  
For a man to keep that to himself, which is beloved of many, is hard to possess 〈◊〉 that which is abhorred of all, is noisome.  
If she be fair, many will envy thee.  
If foul, all men will pity thee: and whoso is envied or pitied, is alike unfortunate.  
If she be fair, she willbe proud: for pride accompanieth beauty, even as the shadow doth the body.  
If she be foul, then will she be jealous: for if she have any wit, she may in her glass espy her want of beauty, and knowing thee not to be blind, she will soon imagine that thou seekest other company, and by this persuasion will perhaps procure some also for herself.  
If she be fair, then will she never consent that the law is fulfilled, which saith, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife.  
If she be foul, she will not desire to have that precept fulfilled which saith, Thou shalt leave father and mother, and follow thy wife.  
If she be fair, she can never go abroad, but she shall be like the mark in a But, where at the minds and eyes of all men do shoot and aim; or as an Owl set upon a Perch, about whom all other birds do fly and wonder.  
If she be foul, she is like the Snake or Adder that a man no sooner sees, but presently turns away his eyes from beholding it.  
If she be fair, and be at meetings and gossipings, she can never be named, but as the prayer which is made unto the Sun, which being long, and convenient that it should be pronounced with one breath, sighed, as it is said.  
If she be foul, then is she like the drawling disease, at the very naming whereof, cuery man by nature is moved in Spirit.  
If she be fair, all thy busmesse abroad is sure to go to wrack: for her bewitching and attracting beauty will enforce thee to stay within doors.  
If she be foul, thy business at home will go worse: for that by reason of her noisomeness, thou wilt have but little list to be at home.  
What then shall I say more concerning those love qualities?  
If she be fair, it will give cause to the world to think her dishonest; for that beauty and chastity seldom dwell under one and the same roof.  
If she be foul, the world shall have occasion to judge thee blind, and a religious observer of the Feast of Venus, the fair will make thee doubt of keeping thine own, with loss of labour and infamy.  
The foul will cause thee to seek other men's, with danger of life, honour and foul.  
If she be fair, thy house shall then be a Stage, the people Spectators, and thy wile the Actor of a Comedy.  
If she be foul thy house willbe hell, thy wife the devil, and thyself the miserable foul tormented.  
If thy wife which thou wilt take, be young, she will always be importunate for her better attiring.  
If old, her never-leaving to counsel thee, willbe intolerable.  
If she be young, thy heart willbe always pricked with fear of infamy.  
If old, thy thoughts will be always troubled with her inequality of years.  
If young, she knows not how to govern thy house.  
If she be old, she will never be able, the one will not have wit to govern, nor the other strength to bear children.  
If she be poor, then look to have with her unhappiness.  
If rich, then expect pride.  
If she be poor, prepare then to consume thy patrimony, perhaps before thy matrimony.  
If rich, be ready to be her slave, not her companion, and think thyself to be made of her feet, not that she was made of thy rib.  
But let not any thing that I tell thee of marriage, seem strange; for I writ it not so much as a matter belonging to thee and thy equals, but rather to men of another degree and condition. And to return to what I said.  
If that thy wife be mean, then shall she be despised.  
If she be noble, then will she be disdainful.  
If thou takest one that wanteth friends, then shalt thou not be esteemed: if she hath many friends, it is not possible for thee to tame her.  
If thou takest her of a better degree than thyself, her brethren will not be thy kinsmen, but thy masters; her father will not be thy father in law, but thy Lord.  
If thou takest her of a lower degree, then must thou be protector over her friends, so that whereas the one sort will always be imperiously commanding of thee, the other sort will never leave needy entreating of thee.  
If perhaps honest, she will expect, that for having that virtue, thou shouldest bear with her in all other vicos.  
If dishonest, I omit what to say: then come all miseries. Doors and windows must be shut, eyes and cares must be open. Then every thing is diligently looked into, every thing is hearkened carefully after and observed, all her doings being feared: then would there be putting chains to her hands, making laws for her feet, and restraint for her eyes: then is there strict account kept of her paces, of motions, of her gestures, of the signs she maketh, of her writings, of her speeches, yea even of the turning of her eyes. If thou makest the suspicion known, how art thou pointed at, as an infamous man? if thou keepest it secret, thou art condemned as an ignorant person. And if she be dishonest & shameless, she will publish her own shame: If thou sufferest her to live so, by that means she becometh worse: for she who once loseth her honour, there is as much hope of amendment, as there is of wool that once was died black, ever to become white again.  
If thy wife be a widow, she will always be either praising or praying for her first husband.  
If a maid, she is then unacquainted with thy conditions, and unexpert in wife's duty and business.  
If simple, then must thou be beholding to thy neighbours to govern thy house.  
If witty, than her husband must even commend himself to God, the simplicity of the one suffreth household matters to go up and down. The wittiness of the other, will almost make the husband distract of his little wit.  
If barren, the husband life's then in great discontent, esteeming himself to be in hatred with God and nature, in being denied that comfort, for which chief he married: And not giving him the fruit of that blessing, the want whereof maketh him reproachful, whereby he shameth to accompany with men, as seeming himself to be less than a man. And seeing other men's children, he grecueth, and wisheth, that the worst of them were his, and so seeketh carefully to adopt some other man's child.  
If thy wife he fruitful, so that she hath many children that increase much, both the charge in bringing of them up, and thy trouble in looking to them, should make busmes for thyself; thou must then provide dainty meats, rich apparel, and other strange delights, diligent Nurses, worshipful Gossips, and learned Schoolmasters: thou must satisfy her fantastical desires, in her time of being with child, and her troublesome frowardness, night-cries of children, and the importunate demands of Nurses, and oftentimes the negligence of Servants, losing more than the diligence of the master can gain.  
If thy children be good, and it fortune that they die, that grieveth thee much.  
If they prove ill, and live, that grieveth thee more.  
If they be good and die, the father must comfort himself and the mother, from the fatherly sorrow of such mishaps as are befallen to them, then shall the father know that all his passed joys give place to those piercing sorrows.  
If the children being good, do live, than the father grieveth he cannot bring them up according to his desire, or their desert, also he grieveth that he hath not so many possessions as sons.  
If they live and prove evil, the father lamenteth that ever he had begot them, and sighs that ever he married.  
If he chance to have daughters, he can neither choose, nor so govern them, but that they willbe beloved, sued unto, and followed.  
If they be fair, it is hard to keep them; if they be foul, it is hard to bestow them.  
If they be noble, it behoveth the father to seek husbands of like degree.  
If they want their dowry or honour, the father hath then all the care, to him only remaineth trouble and travail.  
If the daughters marry against the will of their fathers, the father is dishonoured.  
If they stay and marry with their father's consent, he than resteth in bonds; and when he hopeth to be quit of trouble, he than falls into great troubles by them or their children, etc. he must supply all their wants: the daughters are always complaining, and sometimes return to the father. The sons bring their wives to the father, and which is more intolerable, the grandchild hopeth to be made heir.  
If the wife be sharp and hasty, thou imaginest she loveth others besides thee.  
If she fawn upon thee, than thou mayst well persuade thyself, that either formerly she hath deceived thee, or now intendeth to deceive thee.  
If she be merry, thou thinkest it is, because she hath received some good news from her Lovers.  
If she be sad, thou thinkest, some new love tormenteth her.  
If she be good, thou fearest she will die before thee.  
If she be ill, thou desirest her death every day.  
If she be bravely apparelled, than art thou jealous.  
If she be carelessly apparelled, than art thou offended.  
If thou apparellest her gallantly, thou makest her to be the more gazed at.  
If thou keepest her meanly, she disdaineth it: for the one, thy neighbours and friends will accuse thee of too much softness, and for the other, they will condemn thee for very covetousness.  
If she converse with men, thou fearest they be adulterers.  
If with women, thou imaginest they be Bawds.  
If she converse with her kindred, thou suspectest thy goods.  
If with strangers, than art thou jealous of thine honour.  
If thou leavest her without a watch, thou art persuaded that she seeks by means of opportunity, which maketh thecues whðilde; it is offered them.  
If thou be'st watchful over her thyself, she shall be constrained to err, for want of necessaries, which thou (perhaps) deniest her. For it is the nature of women, to be quieted with abundance, whereas they are discontented with scarcity.  
If thou settest others to watch her, than they themselves do that which they prohibit others, for which, there must be others to watch also over them; but howsoever, thy wife is either honest, or else she is dishonest.  
If honest, she ought not to be guided: if dishonest, she cannot be guided enough.  
If thou givest her the government of thy whole house, thou must then serve her at command.  
If thou reservest any part thereof to thyself, she than complaineth of the little trust thou reposest in her.  
If thou makest her governor of all, thou mayst not do any thing, thou canst not be in any place, thou canst not invite any friend, thou canst not give any thing, but she knoweth of it, & must first give thee leave: nay, oftentimes therein she breaks with thee, and so causeth that thou canst not be so good as thy word, constraining to have saw, for that wherein thou art not faulty.  
If thou givest her a limited government, either she will not accept it, or else she will not execute it, finding herself discontent, seeing that there is no difference made betwixt her and thy servants.  
If she praise any, thou fearest that she loveth him whom she praiseth.  
If she blameth any, thou thinkest she dissembles; for that it often happens that wit in women blames most those whom they best love.  
If she can write and read, she than writeth unto her Lovers, and receiveth lettets from them also.  
If she can neither read nor write, she causeth others to read and write for her; and when thou art from home, and dost but write to her, others must see what thou writest.  
If she can read printed Books, in reading, she mingleth that of the Serpent, with that of the Scorpion.  
If she cannot read, then being idle, she hath many evil thoughts, which produce and grow to evil actions.  
If she be slow of speech, than thou remember'st, that where the stream is slowest, the water is deepest.  
If she commands one servant more than another, than thou fearest that she loveth him whose business best contenteth her, and whom also she commandeth not, thou persuadest thyself that she loveth him also, for that, in not commanding him some labour.  
If she over live thee, thou diest with doubt of honour.  
If thou overlivest her, thou remainest with the troubles of thy house; then must thou bethink thyself, in burying of thy old wife, how to get thee a new.  
If thou hast Children, thou carest how to govern them.  
If thou hast none, thou must restore half of thy wife's dowry.  
If thou marriest a new wife that hath children, than thine own will go to wrack, and perhaps neither of them both will thrive.  
If she be a widow, and hath no children, thou shalt be in doubt also not to have the benefit of marriage.  
If thou givest her too much liberty, than thou spoilest her.  
If thou givest her too little, then will she be angry.  
If thou sufferest her to beautify herself, the world will say thou art too holy, meaning too horny.  
If she would do it, and thou dost contradict it, then wilt thou seem too rigorous.  
If thou dwellest in the town, thy children are brought up without manners or virtue.  
If in the City, thy wife's lovers will always be soliciting her either by letters or messengers, and when thou art at home, she will always be quarrelling, and when thou art abroad, thou shalt never be free of suspicion.  
If thou lettest her be seen, either abroad or within doors, then beware the horn.  
If thou keepest her close up, than never look to be at rest.  
If thou leavest her alone when thou goest abroad, thou dost very ill; for though perhaps she may not offend, yet young women's fame is for the most part slippery.  
If for company sake thou dost couple her with a young woman, they two willbe sure to agree in committing evil, to pardon one the other.  
If thou leavest an old woman with her, than thou feedest a Bawd.  
If a man of low condition love her, thou canst not perceive it.  
If a Noble man love her, then must thou be content to hear and see, but in any case be silent.  
If she be beloved, and do not manifest it unto thee, thou hast reason to be jealous.  
If she do make it known to thee, it is either because she fears that thou hast knowledge of it already, or else she tells thee, to endanger thee some way, or else she doth but draw the hook with the one hand, to put it to again with the other; or at least she doth it, thinking thereby to obtain thy greater trust, that so with more security she may after deceive thee.  
If she love thee not, thou eatest and sleepest with an enemy.  
If she seem to love thee, thou eatest and drinkest, and sleepest with a spy.  
If she love thee not, art thou not always sorrowful?  
If she breedeth child, than hast thou travel.  
If she bear it, thou hast more:  
If she be sick, thou art amazed.  
If she so dies, thou art much perplexed.  
If thou marriest a wife aghast her parents will, then is it likely thou shall lose her dowry, and therewith gettest many enemies.  
If thou takest he against the will of thine own friends, thou art in danger to lose thine own inheritance, and gettest hatred for her.  
If she be forced to take thee then is there no peace.  
If thou be'st forced to take her, there is always strife.  
If thou marriest her for love only, then after the first affection is extinguished, and her prime of beauty past, her love changeth to hatred, and love was made only for marriages, but it is like flowers which the Sun quickly withereth.  
If thou takest one of another man's choosing, it behooveth thee to look that her dowry be qualified, whereby thou mayst afterwards live so, that thou be not jealous of her, nor discern that others be jealous of thee.  
If thy parents compel thee to marry her, than hast thou no joy, and revengest anger upon thy wife.  
If her friends force her to take thee, she liveth always sorrowful, and revengeth herself upon thee: and what joy or peace can be expected in that house, where one of the Principals is always discontented: there never happeneth one earthquake, but it maketh the buildings beat together. Where the Ocean is troubled, all less springs must needs partake; when the Sun is eclipsed, all the seven Elements suffer; and when the head aches, all the other members languish.  
If the mother and kindred of thy wife which thou wilt take, were chaste, thou than fearest, remembering that nothing under the Sun continueth stable, as Seeds & Vines altar with time, and all things grow worse with age, and how Virtue is altered with Vice, and Vice with Virtue.  
If they were dishonest, thou knowest that a Heifer bringeth not forth a Fawn; and when thou seest an alteration, thou knowest that every one is more prone to evil then good.  
If her father were a fool, thou thinkest she must be like her father.  
If wise, thou knowest that wise fathers have oftentimes foolish children. And the reason is, that when they beget them, their wise minds are oftentimes besotted of foolish matters.  
If before she was married to thee, she had other Loves, thou hast cause to fear, left they they continue so to her still.  
If she knew not how to love before she was married, thou fearest that she doth it neither now effectually.  
If in her maidenhead she had thee only a suitor, and was then unkind unto thee, that will often cause hatred between you even till death.  
If she then granted thy request being unmarried, thou mayst justly fear, she will do as much for others when as she is married.  
If thou fulfilest all her desires, thou makest her unbridled and licentious.  
If thou dost not fulfil them, she will then be always melancholy and wrathful.  
If thou dost then reprove her, she sins of custom.  
If thou threatnest her, she calls her friends to witness.  
If thou entreatest her, she laughs thee to scorn among thy neighbours.  
If thou correctest her, she will never be pleased.  
If thou forgivest her she will be intolerable.  
If thou dost not cloth her honourably, thou leavest her honour in great hazard.  
If when thou goest to bed, thou findest her cold, thou fearest lest she hath been far from her own bed.  
If thou feelest her hot, thou imaginest she hath been about some other man's business.  
If she have been thy fellow Citizen, then will she be much familiar with you. If she was a stranger, thðilde; hast thou not known her life.  
If thou hast loved her, know, that after fair weather, comes rain, and after love, hatred.  
If thou hast not loved her, than hast thou no pleasure with her.  
If thou dost reveal any secrets unto her, she discloseth them.  
If thou keepest them from her, than she complaineth that thou trustest her not.  
If thou dost not adorn and deck her up, she will never care for thee.  
If thou dost adorn her, then will she please others as well as thee; and if she desire to please thee only, she would not then beautify herself in that morning when she is to go abroad: but rather in the evening when she is to come unto thy bed.   

CHAP. III.  
Wherein is discoursed of other conditions of many folks.  
COncerning the estate and conditions of the married life, what shall I say more?  
If thou art poor, having a wife, and beholding thy children, thou art consumed even with care of enriching thyself.  
If thou art rich, than art thou troubled with care of keeping of them, as also tormented with fear of losing them, for that as before I said, I do not so much speak unto thee that art a King, as to other men that are not of the honour, but of that humour that thou art in again.  
If thou be'st poor, thou learnest least.  
If either poverty, or the provocation of all evil, or riches, the corrupters of chaste minds, do oppugn, and in time cleave, wish away the honesty of thy wife.  
If thou be'st rich, thovart much afraid, lest wanton ease and delicate lasciviousness afford too many imaginations to the hurt of thy Spouse.  
If thou livest alone, than thou livest contrary to the custom of all humanity.  
If thou hast much acquaintance, thou art then suspected of much deceit.  
If thou hast no friends, thou wantest then the chiefest good that is in the world.  
If thou hast many friends, thou pleasest not thy wife, for that she covets always to have all thy love bestowed on her.  
If thou be'st married to a young woman, she is over-quicke and hasty.  
If to an old wife, she is over-slow: and herein a young wife unsinnewes the body of his chief strength, wasteth and consumeth thy pleasant age, brings for thee children of little value and account, and an old wife becometh jealous, thou art called fool, having wealth, and wanting posterity to inherit it.  
If thou be'st studious, thou canst not intent thy book and thy wife too.  
If the study of hunting, and of Arms do delight thee, either the one, or the other displeaseth thy wife, and breeds contrariety in thy matrimony.  
If thou be'st a Tradesman, and intending thy business and affairs, thou canst have but little care of thy wife.  
If thou be'st a Gentleman, a City set on a hill cannot be hid. What then wilt thou do in such a necessity? Hence the Hammer, thence the Anvil; here the door, there the wall; whatsoever thou willest, vexation and trouble is on all sides; to one of those extremities thou art forced. That which the husband oftentimes desireth, that, for the most part, the wife contemneth.  
But if thou shalt say unto me, that I carry things too much one way, and too little another way, and that thou wilt be advised to find the golden way, betwixt so great excess; I answer thee, that if thou canst possibly find a wife, that is neither fair, nor foul; neither rich, nor poor; neither base, nor noble; neither foolish, nor witty; neither, honest, nor dishonest; neither barren nor fruitful; and as I have discoursed, through all the proposed conditions: and on the contrary, if there can a husband be found, that is neither rich, nor poor, neither old, nor young; neither base, nor noble; neither foolish, nor witty; neither honest, nor dishonest, nor in any of those extremes which I have before touched; then will I content myself that thou be'st married.  
But where are they, that we may seek them? when shall they come, that we may behold them?   

CHAP. FOUR  
Concerning some other miseries incident to the married life.  
OWretched man, if thou dist but know how dear it did cost thee to be married, that in the very day in which thou art to be betrothed unto a wife, thou makest thyself more ready to be entombed in thy grave.  
A wife, ah a wife! alas, there's not one member, that will not cost the weight in gold. Her hair is valued at as much as the Pearls, the Imbrodering, the Aglets and Roses, with which she adorneth herself.  
Her forehead, as the Frontlet's which she weareth thereupon.  
Her Ears, as the Pendants that hang thereat.  
Her eyelids and her breath, as the odours and sweet perfumes which she employeth therein.  
Her Cheeks, as the painting both of white and red which she consumeth.  
Her lips, as with the soft furs wherewith she overshadoweth them.  
Her mouth, as the dainty meats which she ministereth unto it.  
Her Neck, as the Currals and Amber, the chains and other wanton toys that she hangeth about it.  
Her breasts, as the precious stones wherewith she invironeth them.  
Her shoulders, as the veils and Cypress wherewith she is covered.  
Her arms, as the bracelets which she weareth.  
Her hands, as the sweet waters, precious ointments, perfumed Gloves, and gallant Fans wherewith she adorneth herself.  
Her fingers, as the jewels and Rings, wherewith she covereth them.  
Her sides, as the Girdle wherewith she embraceth herself.  
Her feet, as the shoes which she spendeth upon them.  
Finally her whole body, as the Garments wherewith she is clothed, which every day she changeth and rechangeth, yet being unsatiable, is never pleased nor contented.  
Her eyes being such, as no sooner seeing such hangings, such ornaments, but strait she coveteth them.  
Her tongue so impudent, that she no sooner seethe them, but presently demandeth them.  
She will be always demanding of apparel, and must always have Chests full.  
She careth little though her children go as naked as the Trees in December, though her house be as much noted as that of the Fencers: So that for getting her apparel, her husband becomes a beggar, and they are fain in the end to betake themselves to an Hospital.  
In the day, the husband must labour abroad, and in the night at home, strife & contention is in his bed; trouble and sorrow at his Table; when he thinketh to eat, then is he compelled to brawl; and when he thinketh to sleep, he must hearken to her revile.  
O wretched man that intendest to marry a woman! thou must go unto the eyes of Argus, to keep her; the ears of Faves, to hearken after her; the nostrils of a Wolf, that thou mayst smell out her defects: The tongue of a Fish, that thou be silent at her brawlings: The stomach of an Ostrich, to digest her reproaches: The neck of a Bull, to support the heavy yoke: The Crown of Pan woven with thorns, to cover thy horn: The feet of a heart to run from her snares: The riches of Crassus, or rather of Croesus, to satisfy her: The lust of a Spaniard to content her: The strength of a horse to endure her: The drowsiness of a Slowworm, to sleep amidst her chide: The hunger of Eriseton, to devour her clamours.  
We mortal men commit all things to the trust of other men; but it is well, so long as we commit them to the trust of men: As our fields to the Husbandmen: our Herds to the Pastors: our Gardens to the Gardiner's: our house to our men-servants: our chambers to our Maidservants: our secrets to our friends: our writings to the Notaries: out Robes to the Advocates: our Merchandizes to the Mariners: our sons to their Tutors: our daughters to their friends: our heads to the Barbers: our lives to the Physicians: But our honour, which is more precious than all these, we commit into the hands of a silly woman, in such sort, as we must never again demand it, never can release it, nor never can be sure of it.  
Thou canst not be called a Blasphemer, if thou didst never curse; nor a perjured companion, if thou didst not swear, in that which is false, nor a despiser, if thou didst not contemn the gods; nor an homicide, if thou never committedst murder; nor a thief, if thou didst never steal; nor a coozener, if thou didst never deceive; nor a treacherous person, if thou didst never deal falsely with thy friends; nor an adulterer, if by no means thou didst never attempt another man's wife; neither can any of these faults be imputed unto thee, if thou didst never offend, nor desire to commit them. But thou mayst be injuried by a greater matter than all these, if (though without thy will, or without thy fault) another man goeth with desire to thy wife.  
O wretched man, it is a wonder to see, what danger thou art come in: All other things are seen and considered on, before they are bought: A house, if it be to be bought, is marked and observed: the Instruments are heard; the Melons are smelled unto; the wine is tasted of; the cloth is felt; the timber is fitted; the glasses are touched, to see if they be found on all fides; the Lute is chosen; the strings are stretched; the wood is measured; the shoes are pulled on; the Horse is backed; the Cow is chosen out: and to be brief, all things are proved, when we buy them to gain by them. But if in our marriage the bargain be once concluded, than art thou married to the Sun, thou canstinever refuse, whilst thou livest, but must remain with thy wife even until death: she is taken blindfold, as men use to play at blind; as the Cat, or rather the Cat in the sack, she is not proved, lest she should be refused upon the trial: neither is she seen, for that if she were, she would sooner be refused then accepted.  
Whoso will buy flesh, they may go to the Shambles, and pay for it: and if they will have fish, they may have it in the Fishmarket.  
And she that will be married, let her pay her husband first for taking of her.  
It is marvel if she should stand, and be fresh & new.  
It is strange that her friends should have such desire to hunt her out of the house, and that she is so willing oftentimes, to return again. Look how much the greater thy bargain seems to be, so much the worse is the flesh, and look by how much the richer thy wife is in dowry, so much the poorer is she in virtue.  
If thy Garments do not fit thee well, thou mayst cause them to be made again.  
If thou hast a Ring, that is either too great or too little for thee, thou mayst cause it to be new cast.  
If the money thou hast, like thee not, thou mayst change it.  
If one house like thee not, thou mayst remove to another.  
If thy field please thee not, thou canst sell it away.  
If a servant be not for thy purpose, thou mayst dismiss him.  
If thou hast a sister that is offensive unto thee, thou mayst marry her to a husband.  
But thy wife, howsoever she come unto thee, thou must of necessity keep her until her death.  
If her friends would bid thee marry her for a touch, as when we buy Capons: O, for a taste, as we use to buy Millions: Or for a proof, as we use to buy Shoes: Or for a time, as we use to buy our Cattles: Or for so long as she shall remain good, as we use to buy horses: Or until we might change her as we do our money.  
Then would I counsel thee to take her, and to prove her: if she like thee, to hold her: if not, refuse her, and all she brought, even as thou wert married to her.  
But the law is over-strict, and for this cause is it over-strict, for that if the second day thou shouldest refuse her, and all thou hadst with her, than no woman will ever care for thee again.  
Thy friends will never more speak for thee: thy enemies will begin to rejoice at thee: thy parents willbe sorry for thee: thy daughters will diminish thy substance: thy house will increase thy travel: the honour of thy family will begin to die: thy wife will begin to shorten thy life: thy sons will begin to desire thy death: thy dowry will not serve to begin another contract.  
Thy wife can be no more assured to thee, for that she belongs to another man.  
Thy Children may be taken from thee, because they are not thine own.  
What a fool shall he be accounted, that buyeth a house, to the door whereof every man hath a key?  
Is not he such a fool, that taketh a wife?  
Is there not any man in the world, that keepeth a key for the honesty of any woman?  
There are four things that deceive a man out of his own house, smoke, fire, a rotten roof, and a churlish wife.  
The smoke is remedied, by putting out the fire.  
The fire is quenched, by casting on water.  
The roof is amended, by laying on new Tiles.  
But for the forwardness of a wife, there is no remedy can be found; that is intolerable for ever.  
But I end, lest that thou think I make a history.   

CHAP. V.  
Wherein is recollected diverse examples of Women, that have murdered their husbands.  
FOr the proof, and example, and confirmations of this, there shall be brought the examples of things not only passed, but also to come; for that the Stars, in contemplating upon which, I am wont to spend many a fair night, do prognosticate unto me a thousand grievous events to happen, and amongst others, great plenty of such as these to happen, which makes so infinite a number of husbands to go to their wives sorrowing.  
Agamemnon was slain by his wife Clytaemnestra; the sons of Aegistus, of the daughters of Danaus: and so it happened to the husbands of the sisters of Albina: Alexander Fereus, of his own wife; Albinus of Rosamond; Antioch of Laodicea: so it happened in like manner to Antonius, being murdered of Lucilla, Gandulph also of his own wife, Saleotus of his spouse, Ninus Fabius of Fabia, Tybertus Caesar of Agrippina, and a thousand more, which to collect would be too long: The greater of those either had been, or after should have been kings.   

CHAP. VI  
Wherein is shown how hard and difficult a thing it is, to keep the honesty of a woman.  
DOst thou not imagine, that with thy gates shut, thy windows locked, thy ears open, thy eyes watching, a thousand keys, never so many chains, vigilant friends, infinite guards do keep the modesty of thy wife, when she is in her conceit? choose thee the contrary, shut her in the highest and strongest Tower, that she cannot get out to talk with her lovers, by which means the wife of old Fuldericus kept her faith, being in amored of fair Ordancus.  
Commit her to thy Parents, and she is not safe in their custody, which is made plain in A. B. that was enamoured of her own Brother.  
Commit her to her own friends either, she is as ill, as the example of Francis, Queen of Armenia.  
Neither is there any safety in committing her to thy Nephews; for so Tractanus fell in love with Hilippia.  
Neither is she in safety in being committed to thy sons in law: for we know, Phoedra did not spare to sport with Hyppolita.  
Neither is she secure in being committed unto thy friends: for so Gabrina could not content herself to make one kill her husband, but afterwards fell in love with the murderer.  
If she be not chaste, why did she not at the first accord with thee, to place another in her stead, as Elippo did to Marisso?  
If she once telleth thee all her love, then know, she goeth about to betray thee, and so to gain opportunity of gaining him.  
So did Edatrice, the wife of Eganus: and if she with him deceive thee, she will yet persuade thee, that it is some other woman, as Izabel did to her husband Agnutius.  
Count her thy Godrens: and if any man tell thee that her love is within thy house she will make thee believe that it is but a false report; for so did the wife of John Latharinus.  
If thou settest a watch for her at thy gates, she will make shift to bring in her Lover at the roof of the house, as did the wife of Galosus. Nay though she hath sometimes two lovers in the house, yet will she make thee believe, that which she knoweth, shallbe sure to make most for her purpose. At one time she will have Leanettus, at another time, Lambertius.  
If thou be'st minded to shut her out of doors, she will prevent thee, and shut thee out first: for so did the wife of Latonus.  
Thought thou dwellest with her in the house, and dost listen after her, and talk with her, yet at the very same time, also will she sport with her lovers, as did Poronella, who having placed her husband in the Bark, whiles she sailed along the shore, made the horns to show on his head.  
Yea though thou shouldest see it, and behold it with thine eyes, yet will she make thee conceal it with thine own eyes, and compel thee to say, thou sawest not that which thou didst see.  
Such is the wonderful audaciousness of women, as we see Lydia dealt with Nichostratus. To be brief, when thou sleepest, though she lie on the selfsame Bed with thee, though thou shouldest take another man with thee, to watch her, yet she, in the midst of you both, will admit a hired company, and so deceive and defraud you both; for so was Faustus and Fecundus betrayed of the harlot Fiometta.  
What then wilt thou do? in what brazen Tower wilt thou shut her? with what chains wilt thou bind her? under what locks and keys wilt thou keep her? what Champions wilt thou have to guard her? into whose custody wilt thou commit her? for though her husband had as many eyes, as hairs, yet will his wife deceive him. When it shall therefore happen that thou art minded to marry, thou must pray to God to send thee a good wife, and to take from her all opportunities of offending.   

CHAP. VII.  
Wherein are touched diverse customs used at Marriages.  
AT the First touching with the hand, it is a custom with many, to buy their wives with a Ring, that by compassing her finger with a Ring with a precious stone, or with gold, she thereby circumuents her heart with a desire of gold, of gems and jewels.  
When the Marriage is solemnised, there are none admitted to be present, except the parents, to prevent that the wife may not in one day become both a wife and a Lover.  
The husband and the wife are both covered with one veil, to give her to understand, that she must conceal her affections from all, except her husband.  
At the solemnity of the Marriage, is brought in fire and water, and presented to the husband, to show therein, that to what end soever he turneth himself, he is in danger either in being burned or drowned.  
Before the Bride, is used to be carried Torches burning, and behind her, a hook hanging down; which is done, to signify, that the house into which she goeth, she will set fire to it, and that she draweth out of the house, from which she cometh, as much as she can.  
The Nuptials are commonly solemnised at night, as if the Sun scorned to behold them.  
The Spouse is not permitted to tread upon the threshold of the door, because the very gate thorough which the husband must pass, rejecteth the evil, which it should receive from the feet of the wife, which useth also to be anointed and sprinkled with oil, that it may the less smell of that hard cruelty and sharp severity that the wife bringeth with her, who at her first entrance into the house, always setteth her right foot forward, to signify, that the last thing, which she putteth under her husband's roof, is her heart.  
Moreover, in some places for those customs, which I reckon up, are not all used in our Countries; but in others the wife never useth to cook any thing that the husband eateth, to signify that all her works be raw.  
The day in which the wife is espoused unto her husband, she banqueteth amongst her friends, and inviteth company with her, which is done to the end, that that day she might be satisfied.  
Her body is girt in a girdle of diverse colours, to give us to understand, that her heart is compassed with diverse and strange imaginations.  
The husband presents to her the Spindle and the Rock; and for that, she restoreth to him the Spindle untwisting or winding backward: to represent her own ingratitude, that in recompense maketh him as an untwisting Spindle.  
The Husband sets the Rock to his Wife's sides, because she will set a Helmet on his head, and sometimes give him one cuff to begin withal, and so he may correct her faults, which he may do justly without fault.  
Sometimes at marriages Walnuts are scattered up and down; which showeth, that a woman is like unto a Walnut, that hath a great shell, but a little kernel, fair without, but rotten within: to pull off the first bark, we use to bruise them in our hands, and to break the second, we endanger our teeth.  
What fruit maketh more noise than a Walnut when it is broken?  
And what creature hath more prattling thðilde; a woman?  
Under the bark of a Walnut is a fair juice, that he that keepeth it in his hands, is defiled therewith: so a woman with her beauty hurteth whomsoever beholdeth her.  
He that is unmarried, is called Callibas, as it were Coelestis, and remaineth free from bands.  
But marriage is called Ligam, because it bindeth a knot, because it knitteth a string, and because it tieth: and a yoke, because it burdeneth: yet is it fare better to carry a yoke, then to marry a wife, for that a yoke is borne in the day, but laid down at night; but a woman must be endured even to the death.  
In the Italian tongue, marriage is called Maritarice, as Tarse il marry, to commit to the Sea: and Spousuer, in which language the letter S undoeth the signification of the very posure, with which it is compounded, into a contrary meaning, as the one signifies to depose; being compounded with S, is to be without repose: so he that will marry, must be sure to forsake all pleasure and delight.  
And very well is marriage in the same language called Rote, as Dotansa, doubting, that those that are enticed to marry, do always live in fear, doubting a woman's Dowry is given in Cuffs, in Garments, in Chains, and such like.  
But if it be called for gain, it must be restored in Vineyards, in Lands, & in Houses, it is received slowly, but restored quickly.  
A wife with her children quickly consumeth the apparel she brought, and the goods she found in the house: and if it chance she die, her Dowry must be restored, which is sure never to be lost.  
But let the Patrimony of her husband be consumed, there is none to restore that again.  
Yet a man should think it better with reason, that children should rather consume the goods of the mother, than those of the father, for that they are always more surely her children than his.  
He therefore that will be married to a wife, let him first think with himself for what cause he marrieth her.  
If thou marriest her to govern thy house, why, thereby thy servants which thou mayst leave behind thee or take, thou mayst change them at thy disposition, reprehend them after thine own will, look unto them at thine own pleasure, and without controlment, give or take from them thy keys.  
If thou marriest her for desire of children, thou mayst adopt sons to thyself, and discharge them after thine own pleasure and heart.  
But if thou covetest to have them legitimate, and thine own, neither can this desire of thine be fulfilled by having a wife, and it is better for thee, that more reprehend the folly of thy servants then of thy wife:  
If thou desirest to have children of thine own, I will tell thee what thou shalt do: Cause the mother that bears them, to bestow them as a gift upon thee, whereupon thou mayst then, without lying, say they are thine own.  
If thou marriest, thinking with thy wife's Dowry to pay thy debts, thou hadst then better take up money at interest, though thou shouldst pay a hundred for a hundred.  
If yet thou thinkest with these Dowries to match thy daughters, it is better for thee to keep them thyself, then to commit them to other solkes' custody.  
And to be brief, If thou wouldst marry for love, remember that thy wife hath eyes blinded, that her years are childish, and undiscreet, her hands stinging, her father (perhaps) an old limping man, and her mother a wanton and lascivious woman, her shoulders are winged, her hands polluted, & her body unclean.   

CHAP. VIII.  
Wherein is showed diverse examples of witty men, that have reprehended Marriage.  
NOw that I have bound up all in so small a Faggot, these my speeches would seem too long, if I should by example endeavour to prove all that I have before spoken; I will therefore for brevity sake content myself with a few.  
A certain young man lived, reprehended for taking a wife of a very small stature, excused himself, by saying, Of many evils he had made choice of one of the least.  
A certain man being counselled to marry, by a Philosopher, who himself had never been married, desired him to bestow of him one of his daughters.  
Some have been of opinion, that the gods would descend and dwell with us, if it were not that women lived amongst us.  
There is no man but remembered that Phoromis, the King and Lawmaker of the Argives, used to say, that if he had not a wife, he should have all felicity.  
Socrates, one of the chiefest Philosophers, had nothing that so much annoyed him, as his wife Xantippa.  
A certain Philosopher, who whiles he was young, was often demanded why he married not? always answered, that it was too soon: of whom the same being asked when he was old, then replied, that it was too late.  
A wise man that was poor, being requested of an exceeding rich woman to marry her, he refused, saying, that she being rich, would think to be a husband and mistress of him that was poor.  
One being reprehended for giving his daughter in marriage to his enemy, said, that he knew not how to be better revenged of him.  
There is nothing in the world more proud than a woman.  
Socrates, of whom we spoke before, was requested of one, that he would give him leave to marry: He said, that whether he married or not, he would after repent him. Only this difference there was, If, saith he, thou repentest of not taking a wife, thou mayst mend thyself, when thou wilt: but if thou repentest when thou hast taken her, thou canst not any way find redress.  
Arri●s, being himself a married man, and seeing one lamenting and making great moan, that three of his wives, one after another, had all hanged themselves in one tree in his Garden; he with great desire requested a branch thereof, marvelling that the man should sorrow for so good success, bade him prune and dress that tree well, which brought him forth so good fruit, as to rid him of that which so much annoyed him.  
I remember, that before I compared the wife to an Owl, that is the gazing stock and wonder of all that pass by her.  
I will now compare her husband to a Cuckoo, who is wont to cover and hide the eggs of other birds, for that some woman will rather be content with one eye and one hand, then with one man.  
Merchant's being at Sea, and seeing their Ship in danger to miscarry, resolved to cast forth some of their heaviest wares. Whereupon one cast forth his wife, saying, It was hard for the Ship to sustain such a weight.  
A wise man repent him of three things; of a day lost, a voyage made by sea, when he might have gone by land, and a secret revealed to his wife.   

The conclusion of the Letter.  
I Should have a long web to wove, if I should produce examples out of all those sayings, which confirm these my speeches: If I should only repeat the examples of children, that most cruelly have tortured and murdered their parents; I will therefore conclude, telling thee only one thing.  
That the first night that thy wife shall enter into thy marriage bed, she will begin to hope for thy death, which thou shalt better believe, if thou dost but observe one suspicious custom that women have, That the first night she lies with thee, will withal diligence observe, whether they or their husband's fall first asleep, prognosticating thereby, that their death is nearest.  
If I should repeat unto thee all the secrets and vanities of women, what strange things shouldst thou then hear of me? But I refuse to relate them, because indeed it is a shame to know them.  
Some (I know) will condemn me, for that I have spoken, which will be such as then are newly married, or do intent to marry.  
But let them go on, and in the end they shall blame themselves, for believing me no better.  
The first month that a man is married, I know, he will think me a fool.  
The second month he will call my name in question.  
The third month, he will contend with me.  
The fourth month he will withdraw the sentence.  
The fift month he will pay the charges, accounting me a wise man, and himself a fool.  
But thou wilt say, I am no competent judge, having never had experience, what a woman is.  
I answer thee, that when two men wrestle together, he that looketh on, beholdeth the game better than themselves.  
But let me say what I will, I know, thy resolution is wholly bend upon marriage, and to a man deliberate we seldom use to give counsel.  
Yet let me advice thee, that with thine eyes shut, thy nose stopped, thy fist closed, & thy stomach armed, thou wilt take thy wife as a medicine of Rhubarb. And so I desire the gods to give thee grace to believe this my letter, and to keep thee from evil: which thou shalt best do, if thou keep thee from a wife.  
FINIS.