IWENILIA OR CERTAIN PARADOXES AND PROBLEMS, WRITTEN BY I. DONNE. The second Edition, corrected. NOLI ALTUM SAP●●● LONDON, Printed by E.P. for Henry Seyle, and are to be sold at the sign of the Tiger's head, in St. Paul's Churchyard, Anno Dom. 1633. PARADOXES. I. A Defence of women's Inconstancy. II. That Women ought to paint. III. That by Discord things increase. IV. That Good is more common than Evil. V. That all things kill themselves. VI That it is possible to find some virtue in some Women. VII. That Old men are more fantastic than Young. VIII. That Nature is our worst guide. IX. That only Cowards dare dye. X. That a Wise man is known by much laughing. XI. That the gifts of the Body are better than those of the Mind. PARADOXES. I. A Defence of women's Inconstancy. THat Women are Inconstant, I with any man confess, but that Inconstancy is a bad quality, I against any man will maintain: For every thing as it is one better than another, so is it fuller of change; The Heavens themselves continually turn, the Stars move, the Moon changeth; Fire whirleth, Air flieth, Water ebbs and flows, the face of the Earth altereth her looks, time stays not; the Colour that is most light, will take most dies: so in Men, they that have the most reason are the most inalterable in their designs, and the darkest or most ignorant, do seldomest change; therefore Women changing more than Men, have also more Reason. They cannot be immutable like stocks, like stones, like the Earth's dull Centre, Gold that lieth still, rusteth; Water, corrupteth; Air that moveth not, poisoneth; then why should that which is the perfection of other things, be imputed to Women as greatest imperfection? Because thereby they deceive men. Are not your wits pleased with those jests, which cousin your expectation? You can call it Pleasure to be beguiled in troubles, and in the most excellent toy in the world, you call it Treachery: I would you had your Mistresses so constant, that they would never change, no not so much as their smocks, than should you see what sluttish virtue, Constancy were. Inconstancy is a most commendable and cleanly quality, and Women in this quality are far more absolute than the Heavens, than the Stars, Moon, or any thing beneath it; for long observation hath picked certainty out of their mutability. The Learned are so well acquainted with the Stars, Signs and Planets, that they make them but Characters, to read the meaning of the Heaven in his own forehead. Every simple Fellow can bespeak the change of the Moon a great while beforehand: but I would fain have the learnedst man so skilful, as to tell when the simplest Woman meaneth to vary. Learning affords no rules to know, much less knowledge to rule the mind of a Woman: For as Philosophy teacheth us, that Light things do always tend upwards, and heavy things decline downward; Experience teacheth us otherwise, that the disposition of a Light Woman, is to fall down, the nature of Women being contrary to all Art and Nature. Women are like Flies, which feed among us at our Table, or Fleas sucking our very blood, who leave not our most retired places free from their familiarity, yet for all their fellowship will they never be tamed nor commanded by us. Women are like the Sun, which is violently carried one way, yet hath a proper course contrary: so though they, by the mastery of some overruling churlish Husbands, are forced to his Bias, yet have they a motion of their own, which their Husbands never know of. It is the nature of nice and fastidious minds to know things only to be weary of them: Women by their fly changeableness, and pleasing doubleness, prevent even the mislike of those, for they can never be so well known, but that there is still more unknown. Every Woman is a Science; for he that plods upon a Woman all his life long, shall at length find himself short of the knowledge of her: they are borne to take down the pride of wit, and ambition of wisdom, making fools wise in the adventuring to win them, wisemen fools in conceit of losing their labours; witty men stark mad, being confounded with their uncertainties. Philosophers write against them for spite, not desert, that having attained to some knowledge in all other things, in them only they know nothing, but are merely ignorant: Active and Experienced men rail against them, because they love in their liveless and decrepit age, when all goodness leaves them. These envious Libelers ballad against them, because having nothing in themselves able to deserve their love, they maliciously discommend all they cannot obtain, thinking to make men believe they know much, because they are able to dispraise much, and rage against Inconstancy, when they were never admitted into so much favour as to be forsaken. In mine Opinion such men are happy that Women are Inconstant, for so may they chance to be beloved of some excellent Women (when it comes to their turn) out of their Inconstancy and mutability, though not out of their own desert. And what reason is there to clog any Woman with one Man, be he never so singular? Women had rather, and it is far better and more judicial to enjoy all the virtues in several Men, than but some of them in one, for otherwise they lose their taste, like diverse sorts of meat minced together in one dish: and to have all excellencies in one Man (if it were possible) is Confusion and Diversity. Now who can deny, but such as are obstinately bend to undervalue their worth, are those that have not soul enough to comprehend their excellency, Women being the most excellentest Creatures, in that Man is able to subject all things else, and to grow wise in every thing, but still persists a fool in Woman? The greatest Scholar, if he once take a Wife, is found so unlearned, that he must begin his Hornbook, and all is by Inconstancy. To conclude therefore; this name of Inconstancy, which hath so much been poisoned with slanders, aught to be changed into variety, for the which the world is so delightful, and a Woman for that the most delightful thing in this World. II. That Women ought to paint. Foulness is Loathsome: can that be so which helps it? who forbids his Beloved to gird in her waste? to mend by shooing her uneven lameness? to burnish her teeh? or to perfume her breath? yet that the Face be more precisely regarded, it concerns more: For as open confessing sinners are always punished, but the wary and concealing offenders without witness do it also without punishment; so the secret parts needs the less respect; but of the Face, discovered to all Examinations and survayes, there is not too nice a jealousy. Nor doth it only draw the busy eyes, but it is subject to the divinest touch of all, to kissing, the strange and mystical union of souls. If she should prostitute herself to a more unworthy Man than thyself, how earnestly and justly wouldst thou exclaim? that for want of this easier and ready way of repairing, to betray her body to ruin and deformity (the tyrannous Ravishers, and sudden Deflourers of all Women) what a heinous Adultery is it? What thou lovest in her face is colour, and painting gives that, but thou hatest it, not because it is, but because thou knowest it. Fool, whom ignorance makes happy, the Stars, the Sun, the Sky whom thou admirest, alas, have no colour, but are fair, because they seem to be coloured: If this seeming will not satisfy thee in her, thou hast good assurance of her colour, when thou seest her lay it on. If her face be painted on a Board or Wall, thou wilt love it, and the Board, and the Wall: Canst thou loathe it then when it speaks, smiles, and kisses, because it is painted? Are we not more delighted with seeing Birds, Fruits, and Beasts painted then we are with Naturals? And do we not with pleasure behold the painted shape of Monsters and Devils, whom true, we durst not regard? We repair the ruins of our houses, but first cold tempests warns us of it, and bites us through it; we mend the wrack and stains of our Apparel, but first our eyes, and other bodies are offended; but by this providence of Women, this is prevented. If in kissing or breathing upon her, the painting fall off, thou art angry, wilt thou be so, if it stick on? Thou didst love her, if thou beginnest to hate her, then 'tis because she is not painted. If thou wilt say now, thou didst hate her before, thou didst hate her and love her together, be constant in something, and love her who shows her great love to thee, in taking this pains to seem lovely to thee. III. That by Discord things increase. Nullos esse Deos, inane Coelum Affirmat Coelius, probatque quod se Factum vidit, dum negat haec, beatum. SO I assevere this the more boldly, because while I maintain it, and feel the Contrary repugnancies and adverse fightings of the Elements in my Body, my Body increaseth; and whilst I differ from common opinions by this Discord, the number of my Paradoxes increaseth. All the rich benefits we can frame to ourselves in Concord, is but an Even conservation of things; in which Evenness we can expect no change, no motion; therefore no increase or augmentation, which is a member of motion. And if this unity and peace can give increase to things, how mightily is discord and war to that purpose, which are indeed the only ordinary Parents of peace. Discord is never so barren that it affords no fruit; for the fall of one estate is at the worst the increaser of another, because it is as impossible to find a discommodity without advantage, as to find Corruption without Generation: But it is the Nature and Office of Concord to preserve only, which property when it leaves, it differs from itself, which is the greatest discord of all. All Victories and Emperies gained by war, and all judicial decidings of doubts in peace, I do claim children of Discord. And who can deny but Controversies in Religion are grown greater by discord, and not the Controversy, but Religion itself: For in a troubled misery Men are always more Religious then in a secure peace. The number of good men, the only charitable nourishers of Concord, we see is thin, and daily melts and wanes; but of bad discording it is infinite, and grows hourly. We are ascertained of all Disputable doubts, only by arguing and differing in Opinion, and if formal disputation (which is but a painted, counterfeit, and dissembled discord) can work us this benefit, what shall not a full and main discord accomplish? Truly me thinks I owe a devotion, yea a sacrifice to discord, for casting that Ball upon Ida, and for all that business of Troy, whom ruined I admire more than Babylon, Rome, or Quinzay, removed Corners, not only fulfilled with her fame, but with Cities and Thrones planted by her Fugitives. Lastly, between Cowardice and despair, Valour is gendered; and so the Discord of Extremes begets all virtues, but of the like things there is no issue without a miracle: Vxor pessima, pessimus maritus Miror tam malé convenire. He wonders that between two so like, there could be any discord, yet perchance for all this discord there was ne'er the less increase. IV. That good is more common than evil. I Have not been so pitifully tired with any vanity, as with silly Old men's exclaiming against these times, and extolling their own: Alas! they betray themselves, for if the times be changed, their manners have changed them. But their senses are to pleasures, as sick men's tastes are to Liquors; for indeed no new thing is done in the world, all things are what, and as they were, and Good is as ever it was, more plenteous, and must of necessity be more common than evil, because it hath this for nature and perfection to be common. It makes Love to all Natures, all, all affect it. So that in the World's early Infancy, there was a time when nothing was evil, but if this World shall suffer dotage in the extremest crookedness thereof, there shall be no time when nothing shallbe good. It dares appear and spread, and glister in the World, but evil buries itself in night and darkness, and is chastised and suppressed when good is cherished and rewarded. And as Imbroderers, Lapidaries, and other Artisans, can by all things adorn their works; for by adding better things, the better they show in Lush and in Eminency; so good doth not only prostrate her amiableness to all, but refuses no end, no not of her utter contrary evil, that she may be the more common to us. For evil manners are parents of good Laws; and in every evil there is an excellency, which (in common speech) we call good. For the fashions of habits, for our moving in gestures, for phrases in our speech, we say they were good as long as they were used, that is, as long as they were common; and we eat, we walk, only when it is, or seems good to do so. All fair, all profitable, all virtuous, is good, and these three things I think embrace all things, but their utter contraries; of which also fair may be rich and virtuous; poor may be virtuous and fair; vicious may be fair and rich; so that good hath this good means to be common, that some subjects she can possess entirely; and in subjects poisoned with evil, she can humbly stoop to accompany the evil. And of indifferent things many things are become perfectly good by being common, as customs by use are made binding Laws. But I remember nothing that is therefore ill, because it is common, but Women, of whom also; They that are most common, are the best of that Occupation they profess. V. That all things kill themselves. TO affect, yea to effect their own death all living things are importuned, not by Nature only which perfects them, but by Art and Education, which perfects her. Plants quickened and inhabited by the most unworthy soul, which therefore neither will nor work, affect an end, a perfection, a death; this they spend their spirits to attain, this attained, they languish and wither. And by how much more they are by man's Industry warmed, cherished, and pampered; so much the more early they climb to this perfection, this death. And if amongst Men not to defend be to kill, what a heinous self-murder is it, not to defend itself. This defence because Beasts neglect, they kill themselves, because they exceed us in number, strength, and a lawless liberty: yea, of Horses and other beasts, they that inherit most courage by being bred of gallantest parents, and by Artificial nursing are bettered, will run to their own deaths, neither solicited by spurs which they need not, nor by honour which they apprehend not. If then the valiant kill himself, who can excuse the coward? Or how shall Man be free from this, since the first Man taught us this, except we cannot kill ourselves, because he killed us all. Yet lest something should repair this Common ruin, we daily kill our bodies with surfeits, and our minds with anguishes. Of our powers, remembering kills our memory; Of Affections, Lusting our lust; Of virtues, Giving kills liberality. And if these kill themselves, they do it in their best & supreme perfection: for after perfection immediately follows excess, which changeth the natures and the names, and makes them not the same things. If then the best things kill themselves soon, (for no affection endures, and all things labour to this perfection) all travel to their own death, yea the frame of the whole World, if it were possible for God to be idle, yet because it began, must dye. Then in this idleness imagined in God, what could kill the world but itself, since out of it, nothing is? VI That it is possible to find some virtue in some Women. I Am not of that seared Impudence that I dare defend Women, or pronounce them good; yet we see Physicians allow some virtue in every poison. Alas! why should we except Women? since certainly, they are good for Physic at least, so as some mine is good for a fever. And though they be the Occasioners of many sins, they are also the Punishers and Revengers of the same sins: For I have seldom seen one which consumes his substance and body upon them, escape diseases, or beggary; and this is their justice. And if suum cuique dare, be the fulfilling of all Civil justice, they are most just; for they deny that which is theirs to no man. Tanquam non liceat nulla puella negat. And who may doubt of great wisdom in them, that doth but observe with how much labour and cunning our justicers and other dispensers of the Laws study to embrace them: and how zealously our Preachers dehort men from them, only by urging their subtleties, and policies, and wisdom, which are in them? Or who can deny them a good measure of Fortitude, if he consider how valiant men they have overthrown, and being themselves overthrown, how much and how patiently they bear? And though they be most intemperate, I care not, for I undertook to furnish them with some virtue, not with all. Necessity, which makes even bad things good, prevails also for them, for we must say of them, as of some sharp pinching Laws; If men were free from infirmities, they were needless. These or none must serve for reasons, and it is my great happiness that Examples prove not Rules, for to confirm this Opinion, the World yields not one Example. VII. That Old men are more fantastic then Young. WHO reads this Paradox but thinks me more fantastic now, than I was yesterday, when I did not think thus: And if one day make this sensible change in men, what will the burden of many years? To be fantastic in young men is conceiptfull distemperature, and a witty madness; but in old men, whose senses are withered, it becomes natural, therefore more full and perfect. For as when we sleep our fancy is most strong; so it is in age, which is a slumber of the deep sleep of death. They tax us of Inconstancy, which in themselves young they allowed; so that reproving that which they did approve, their Inconstancy exceedeth ours, because they have changed once more than we. Yea, they are more idly busied in conceited apparel than we; for we, when we are melancholy, wear black; when lusty, green; when forsaken, tawny; pleasing our own inward affections, leaving them to others indifferent; but they prescribe laws, and constrain the Noble, the Scholar, the Merchant, and all Estates to a certain habit. The old men of our time have changed with patience their own bodies, much of their laws, much of their languages; yea their Religion, yet they accuse us. To be Amorous is proper and natural in a young man, but in an old man most fantastic. And that riddling humour of jealousy, which seeks and would not find, which requires and reputes his knowledge, is in them most common, yet most fantastic. Yea, that which falls never in young men, is in them most fantastic and natural, that is, Covetousness; even at their journeys end to make great provision. Is any habit of young men so fantastic, as in the hottest seasons to be double-gowned or hooded like our Elders? Or seems it so ridiculous to wear long hair, as to wear none. Truly, as among the Philosophers, the Skeptike, which doubts all, was more contentious, then either the Dogmatike which affirms, or Academike which denies all; so are these uncertain Elders, which both calls them fantastic which follow others inventions, and them also which are led by their own humorous suggestion, more fantastic than other. VIII. That Nature is our worst Guide. Shall she be guide to all Creatures, which is herself one? Or if she also have a guide, shall any Creature have a better guide than we? The affections of lust and anger, yea even to err is natural; shall we follow these? Can she be a good guide to us, which hath corrupted not us only but herself? Was not the first man, by the desire of knowledge, corrupted even in the whitest integrity of Nature? And did not Nature (if Nature did any thing) infuse into him this desire of knowledge, and so this corruption in him, into us? If by Nature we shall understand our essence, our definition, or reason, nobleness, than this being alike common to all (the Idiot and the Wizard being equally reasonable) why should not all men having equally all one nature, follow one course? Or if we shall understand our inclinations; alas! how unable a guide is that which follows the temperature of our slimy bodies? for we cannot say that we derive our inclinations, our minds, or souls from our Parents by any way: to say that it is all from all, is error in reason, for then with the first nothing remains; or is a part from all, is error in experience, for then this part equally imparted to many children, would like Gavel-kind lands, in few generations become nothing; or to say it by communication, is error in Divinity, for to communicate the ability of communicating whole essence with any but God, is utter blasphemy. And if thou hit thy Father's nature and inclination, he also had his Fathers, and so climbing up, all comes of one man, and have one nature, all shall embrace one course; but that cannot be, therefore our complexions and whole bodies, we inherit from Parents; our inclinations and minds follow that: For our mind is heavy in our body's afflictions, and rejoiceth in our body's pleasure: how then shall this nature govern us, that is governed by the worst part of us? Nature though oft chased away, it will return; 'tis true, but those good motions and inspirations which be our guides must be wooed, courted, and welcomed, or else they abandon us. And that old Axiom, nihil invita, etc. must not be said thou shalt, but thou wilt do nothing against Nature; so unwilling he notes us to curb our natural appetites. We call our bastards always our natural issue, and we define a Fool by nothing so ordinary, as by the name of natural. And that poor knowledge whereby we conceive what rain is, what wind, what thunder, we call Metaphysicke, supernatural; such small things, such no things do we allow to our pliant Nature's apprehension. Lastly, by following her, we lose the pleasant, and lawful commodities of this life, for we shall drink water and eat roots, and those not sweet and delicate, as now by Man's art and industry they are made: we shall lose all the necessities of societies, laws, arts, and sciences, which are all the workmanship of Man: yea we shall lack the last best refuge of misery, Death; because no death is natural: for if ye will not dare to call all death violent (though I see not why sicknesses be not violences) yet causes of all deaths proceed of the defect of that which nature made perfect, and would preserve, and therefore all against nature. IX. That only Cowards dare dye. Extremes are equally removed from the mean; so that headlong desperateness as much offends true valour, as backward Cowardice: of which sort I reckon justly all un-inforced deaths. When will your valiant man dye of necessity? so Cowards suffer what cannot be avoided: and to run into death unimportuned, is to run into the first condemned desperateness. Will he dye when he is rich and happy? then by living he may do more good: and in afflictions and miseries, death is the chosen refuge of Cowards. Fortiter ille facit, qui miser esse potest. But it is taught and practised among our Gallants, that rather than our reputations suffer any maime, or we any misery, we shall offer our breasts to the Cannon's mouth, yea to our swords points: And this seems a very brave and a very climbing (which is a Cowardly, earthly, and indeed a very grovelling) spirit. Why do they chain these slaves to the Galleys, but that they thrust their deaths, and would at every loose leap into the sea? Why do they take weapons from condemned men, but to bar them of that ease which Cowards affect, a speedy death. Truly this life is a tempest, and a warfare, and he which dares dye, to escape the anguish of it, seems to me, but so valiant, as he which dares hang himself, lest he be pressed to the wars. I have seen one in that extremity of melancholy, which was then become madness, to make his own breath an Instrument to stay his breath, and labour to choke himselfe; but alas! he was mad. And we knew another that languished under the oppression of a poor disgrace so much, that he took more pains to dye, than would have served to have nourished life and spirit enough to have outlived his disgrace. What Fool will call this Cowardliness, Valour? or this Baseness, Humility? And lastly, of these men which die the Allegorical death of entering into Religion, how few are found fit for any show of valiancy? but only a soft and supple metal, made only fo● Cowardly solitariness. X. That a Wise Man is known by much laughing. RIde, si sapis, o puella ride; If thou be'st wise, laugh: for since the powers of discourse, reason, and laughter, be equally proper unto Man only, why shall not he be only most wise, which hath most use of laughing, aswell as he which hath most of reasoning and discoursing? I always did, and shall understand that Adage; Per risum multum possis cognoscere stultum, That by much laughing thou mayst know there is a fool, not, that the laughers are fools, but that among them there is some fool, at whom wisemen laugh: which moved Erasmus to put this as his first Argument in the mouth of his Folly, that she made Beholders laugh: for fools are the most laughed at, and laugh the least themselves of any. And Nature saw this faculty to be so necessary in man, that she hath been content that by more causes we should be importuned to laugh, then to the exercise of any other power; for things in themselves utterly contrary, beget this effect; for we laugh both at witty and absurd things: At both which sorts I have seen Men laugh so long, and so earnestly, that at last they have wept that they could laugh no more. And therefore the Poet having described the quietness of a wise retired man, saith in one, what we have said before in many lines; Quid facit Canius tuus? ridet. We have received that even the extremity of laughing, yea of weeping also, hath been accounted wisdom: And that Democritus and Heraclitus, the lovers of these Extremes, have been called lovers of wisdom. Now among our wisemen I doubt not, but many would be found who would laugh at Heraclitus weeping, none which weep at Democritus laughing. At the hearing of Comedies or other witty reports, I have noted some, which not understanding ●ests etc. have yet chosen this as the best means to seem wise and understandiug, to laugh when their Companions laugh; and I have presumed them ignorant, whom I have seen unmoved. A fool if he come into a Prince's Court, and see a gay man leaning at the wall, so glistering, and so painted in many colours that he is hardly discerned from one of the pictures in the Arras, hanging his body like an Iron-bound-chest, girt in and thick ribbed with broad gold laces, may (and commonly doth) envy him. But alas! shall a wiseman, which may not only not envy, but not pity this monster, do nothing? Yes, let him laugh. And if one of these hot choleric firebrands, which nourish themselves by quarrelling, and kindling others, spit upon a fool one spark of disgrace, he, like a thatched house quickly burning, may be angry; but the wiseman, as cold as the Salamander, may not only not be angry with him, but not be sorry for him; therefore let him laugh: so he shall be known a Man, because he can laugh, a wise Man that he knows at what to laugh, and a valiant Man that he dares laugh: for he that laughs is justly reputed more wise, then at whom it is laughed. And hence I think proceeds that which in these later formal times I have much noted; that now when our superstitious civility of manners is become a mutual tickling flattery of one another, almost every man affecteth an humour of jesting, and is content to be deject, and to deform himself, yea become fool to no other end that I can spy, but to give his wise Companion occasion to laugh; and to show themselves in promptness of laughing is so great in wisemen, that I think all wisemen, if any wiseman do read this Paradox, will laugh both at it and me. XI. That the gifts of the Body are better than those of the Mind. I Say again, that the body makes the mind, not that it created it a mind, but forms it a good or a bad mind; and this mind may be confounded with soul without any violence or injustice to Reason or Philosophy: then the soul it seems is enabled by our body, not this by it. My Body licenseth my soul to see the World's beauties through mine eyes; to hear pleasant things through mine ears; and affords it apt Organs for the conveyance of all perceivable delight. But alas! my soul cannot make any part, that is not of itself disposed, to see or hear, though without doubt she be as able and as willing to see behind as before. Now if my soul would say, that she enables any part to taste these pleasures, but is herself only delighted with those rich sweetnesses which her inward eyes and senses apprehend, she should dissemble; for I see her often solaced with beauties, which she sees through mine eyes, and with music which through mine ears she hears. This perfection than my body hath, that it can impart to my mind all his pleasures; and my mind hath still many, that she can neither teach my indisposed part her faculties, nor to the best espoused parts show it beauty of Angels, of Music, of Spheres, whereof she boasts the contemplation. Are chastity, temperance, and fortitude gifts of the mind? I appeal to Physicians whether the cause of these be not in the body; health is the gift of the body, and patience in sickness the gift of the mind: then who will say that patience is as good a happiness, as health, when we must be extremely miserable to purchase this happiness. And for nourishing of civil societies and mutual love amongst men, which is our chief end while we are men; I say, this beauty, presence, and proportion of the body, hath a more masculine force in begetting this love, than the virtues of the mind: for it strikes us suddenly, and possesseth us immoderately; when to know those virtues requires some judgement in him which shall discern, a long time and conversation between them. And even at last how much of our faith and belief shall we be driven to bestow, to assure ourselves that these virtues are not counterfeited: for it is the same to be, and seem virtuous, because that he that hath no virtue, can dissemble none, but he which hath a little, may gild and enamel, yea and transform much vice into virtue: For allow a man to be discreet and flexible to complaints, which are great virtuous gifts of the mind, this discretion will be to him the soul & Elixir of all virtues, so that touched with this, even pride shall be made humility; and Cowardice, honourable and wise valour. But in things seen there is not this danger, for the body which thou lovest and esteemest fair, is fair; certainly if it be not fair in perfection, yet it is fair in the same degree that thy judgement is good. And in a fair body, I do seldom suspect a disproportioned mind, and as seldom hope for a good in a deformed. When I see a goodly house, I assure myself of a worthy possessor, from a ruinous weatherbeaten building I turn away, because it seems either stuffed with varlets as a Prison, or handled by an unworthy and negligent tenant, that so suffers the waste thereof. And truly the gifts of Fortune, which are riches, are only handmaids, yea Panders of the body's pleasure; with their service we nourish health, and preserve dainty, and we buy delights; so that virtue which must be loved for itself, and respects no further end, is indeed nothing: And riches, whose end is the good of the body, cannot be so perfectly good, as the end whereto it levels. CERTAIN PROBLEMS WRITTEN BY I. DONNE. THE PROBLEMS. I. Why have Bastards best Fortune? TWO Why Puritans make long Sermons? III. Why did the Devil reserve Jesuits till these latter days. IU. Why is there more variety of Green, then of any other colour? V. Why do Young Laymen so much study Divinity? VI. Why hath the common Opinion afforded Women Souls? VII. Why are the Fairest, falsest VIII. Why Venus star only doth cast a shadow? IX. Why is Venus Star Multinominous, called both Hesperus and Vesper. X. Why are new Officers least oppressing? PROBLEMS, I. Why have Bastards best Fortune? BEcause Fortune herself is a Whore, but such are not most indulgent to their issue; the old natural reason (but those meetings in stolen love are most vehement, and so contribute more spirit than the easy and lawful) might govern me, but that now I see Mistresses are become domestic and in ordinary, and they and wives wait but by turns, and agree aswell as they had lived in the Ark. The old Moral reason (that Bastards inherit wickedness from their Parents, and so are i● a better way to preferment by having a stock beforehand, than those that build all their fortune upon the poor and weak stock of Original sin) might prevail with me, but that since we are fallen into such times, as now the world might spare the Devil, because she could be bad enough without him. I see men scorn to be wicked by example, or to be beholding to others for their damnation. It seems reasonable, that since Laws rob them of succession in civil benefits, they should have something else equivalent. As Nature (which is Law's pattern) having denied Women Constancy to one, hath provided them with cunning to allure many; and so Bastards de jure should have better wits and experience. But besides that by experience we see many fools amongst them, we should take from them one of their chiefest helps to preferment, and we should deny them to be fools; and (that which is only left) that Women choose worthier men than their husbands, is false de facto, either than it must be that the Church having removed them from all place in the public Service of God, they have better means than others to be wicked, and so fortunate: Or else because the two greatest powers in this world, the Devil and Princes concur to their greatness; the one giving bastardy, the other legitimation: As nature frames and conserveses great bodies of contraries. Or the cause is, because they abound most at Court, which is the forge where fortunes are made, or at least the shop where they be sold. II. Why Puritans make long Sermons? IT needs not for perspicuousnesse, for God knows they are plain enough: nor do all of them use Sem-briefe-Accents for some of them have crotchets enough. It may be they intent not to rise like glorious Tapers and Torches, but like Thinne-wretched-sicke-watching-Candles, which languish and are in a Divine Consumption from the first minute, yea in their snuff, and stink when others are in their more profitable glory. I have thought sometimes, that out of conscience, they allow long measure to course ware. And sometimes, that usurping in that place a liberty to speak freely of Kings, they would reign as long as they could. But now I think they do it out of a zealous imagination, that, It is their duty to preach on till their Auditory wake. III. Why did the Devil reserve Jesuits till these latter days. DID he know that our Age would deny the Devils possessing, and therefore provided by these to possess men and kingdoms? Or to end the disputation of Schoolmen, why the Devil could not make louse in Egypt; and whether those things he presented there, might be true, hath he sent us a true and real plague, worse than those ten? Or in ostentation of the greatness of his Kingdom, which even division cannot shake, doth he send us these which disagree with all the rest? Or knowing that our times should discover the Indies, and abolish their Idolatry, doth he send these to give them another for it? Or peradventure they have been in the Roman Church these thousand years, though we have called them by other names. IU. Why is there more variety of Green then of other Colours? IT is because it is the figure of Youth wherein nature would provide as many green, as youth hath affections; and so present a Sea-green for profuse masters in voyages; a Grasse-green for sudden new men ennobled from Grasiers; and a Goose-greene for such Politicians as pretend to preserve the Capitol. Or else Prophetically foreseeing an age, wherein they shall all hunt. And for such as misdemeane themselves a Willow-greene; For Magistrates must aswell have Fasces born before them to chastise the small offences, as Secures to cut off the great. V. Why do young Laymen so much study Divinity. IS it because others tending busily Churches preferment neglect study? Or had the Church of Rome shut up all our ways, till the Lutherans broke down their uttermost stubborn doors, and the Calvinists picked their inwardest and subtlest locks? Surely the Devil cannot be such a Fool to hope that he shall make this study contemptible, by making it common. Nor that as the Dwellers by the River Origus are said (by drawing infinite ditches to sprinkle their barren Country) to have exhausted and intercepted their main channel, and so lost their more profitable course to the sea; so we, by providing every one's self, divinity enough for his own use, should neglect our Teachers and Fathers. He cannot hope for better heresies than he hath had, nor was his Kingdom ever so much advanced by debating Religion (though with some aspersions of Error) as by a dull and stupid security, in which many gross things are swallowed. Possible out of such an ambition as we have now, to speak plainly and fellowlike with Lords and Kings, we think also to acquaint ourselves with God's secrets: Or perchance when we study it by mingling humane respects, It is not Divinity. VI Why hath the common Opinion afforded Women Souls? IT is agreed that we have not so much from them as any part of either our mortal souls of sense, or growth; and we deny souls to others equal to them in all but in speech for which they are beholding to their bodily instruments: For perchance an Ox's heart, or a Goats, or a Foxes, or a Serpents would speak just so, if it were in the breast, and could move that tongue and jaws. Have they so many advantages and means to hurt us (for, ever their loving destroyed us) that we dare not displease them, but give them what they will? And so when some call them Angels, some Goddesses, and the Palpulian Heretics made them Bishops, we descend so much with the stream, to allow them souls? Or do we somewhat (in this dignifying of them) flatter Princes and great Personages that are so much governed by them? Or do we in that easiness and prodigality, wherein we daily lose our own souls to we care not whom, so labour to persuade ourselves, that sith a woman hath a soul, a soul is no great matter? Or do we lend them souls but for use, since they for our sakes, give their souls again, and their bodies to boot? Or perchance because the Devil (who is all soul) doth most mischief, and for convenience and proportion, because they would come nearer him, we allow them some souls; and so as the Romans naturalised some Provinces in revenge, and made them Romans, only for the burden of the Commonwealth; so we have given women souls only to make them capable of damnation? VII. Why are the Fairest, Falsest? I Mean not of false Alchemy Beauty, for then the question should be inverted, Why are the Falsest, Fairest? It is not only because they are much solicited and sought for, so is gold, yet it is not so common; and this suit to them, should teach them their value, and make them more reserved. Nor is it because the delicatest blood hath the best spirits, for what is that to the flesh? perchance such constitutions have the best wits, and there is no proportionable subject, for women's wit, but deceit? doth the mind so follow the temperature of the body, that because those complexions are aptest to change, the mind is therefore so? Or as Bells of the purest metal retain their tinkling and sound largest; so the memory of the last pleasure lasts longer in these, and disposeth them to the next. But sure it is not in the complexion, for those that do but think themselves fair, are presently inclined to this multiplicity of loves, which being but fair in conceit are false in deed: and so perchance when they are borne to this beauty, or have made it, or have dreamed it, they easily believe all addresses and applications of every man, out of a sense of their own worthiness to be directed to them, which others less worthy in their own thoughts apprehend not, or discredit. But I think the true reason is, that being like gold in many properties (as that all snatch at them, but the worst possess them, that they care not how deep we dig for them, and that by the Law of 〈◊〉, Occupandi conceditur) they would be like also in this, that as Gold to make itself of use admits allay, so they, that they may be tractable, mutable, and currant, have to their allay Falsehood. VIII. Why Venus-starre only doth cast a shadow? IS it because it is nearer the earth? But they whose profession it is to see that nothing be done in heaven without their consent (as Re— says in himself of Astrologers) have bid Mercury to be nearer. Is it because the works of Venus want shadowing, covering, and disguising? But those of Mercury need it more; for Eloquence, his Occupation, is all shadow and colours; let our life be a sea, and then our reason and even passions are wind enough to carry us whether we should go, but Eloquence is a storm and tempest that miscarries: and who doubts that Eloquence which must persuade people to take a yoke of sovereignty (and then beg and make laws to tie them faster, and then give money to the invention, repair and strengthen it) needs more shadows and colouring, then to persuade any Man or Woman to that which is natural. And Venus markets are so natural, that when we solicit the best way (which is by marriage) our persuasions work not so much to draw a woman to us, as against her nature to draw her from all other beside. And so when we go against nature, and from Venus-work (for marriage is chastity) we need shadows and colours, but not else. In Seneca's time it was a course, an un-Romane and a contemptible thing even in a Matron, not to have had a Love beside her husband, which though the Law required not at their hands, yet they did it zealously out of the counsel of custom and fashion, which was venery of supererogation: Et te spectator plusquam delectat Adulter, saith Martial: And Horace, because many lights would not show him enough, created many Images of the same Object by wainscoting his chamber with looking-glasses: so that Vews flies not light, so much as Mercury, who creeping into our understanding, our darkness would be defeated, if he were perceived. Then either this shadow confesseth that same dark Melancholy Repentance which accompanies; or that so violent fires, needs some shadowy refreshing, and intermission: Or else light signifying both day and youth, and shadow both night and age, she pronounceth by this that she professeth both all persons and times. IX. Why is Venus-star multinominous, called both Hesperus and Vesper? THe Moon hath as many names, but not as she is a star, but as she hath diverse governments; but Venus is multinominous to give example to her prostitute disciples, who so often, either to renew or refresh themselves towards lovers, or to disguise themselves from Magistrates, are to take new names. It may be she takes new names after her many functions, for as she is supreme Monarch of all Suns at large (which is lust) so is she joined in commission with all Mythologicks, with juno, Diana, and all others for marriage. It may be because of the diverse names to herself, for her affections have more names than any vice: scilicet; Pollution, Fornication, Adultery, Lay-Incest, Church-Incest, Rape, Sodomy, Mastupration, Masturbation, and a thousand others. Perchance her diverse names showed her appliableness to diverse men, for Neptune distilled and wet her in love, the Sun warms and melts her, Mercury persuaded and swore her, jupiters' authority secured, and Vulcan hammered her. As Hesperus she presents you with her bonum utile, because it is wholesomest in the morning: As Vesper with her bonum delectabile, because it is pleasantest in the evening. And because industrious men rise and endure with the Sun in their civil businesses, this Star calls them up a little before, and remembers them again a little after for her business; for certainly, Venit Hesperus, ite capellae: was spoken to Lovers in the persons of Goats. X. Why are New Officers lest oppressing? MVst the old Proverb, that Old dogs bite sorest, be true in all kind of dogs? Me thinks the fresh memory they have of the money they parted with for the place, should hasten them for the re-imbursing: And perchance they do but seem easier to their suitors; who (as all other Patients) do account all change of pain, easy. But if it be so, it is either because the sudden sense & contentment of the honour of the place, retards and remits the rage of their profits, and so having stayed their stomaches, they can forbear the second course a while: Or having overcome the steepest part of the hill, and clambered above Competitions and Oppositions they dare loiter, and take breath: Perchance being come from places, where they tasted no gain, a little seems much to them at first, for it is long before a Christian conscience overtakes, or strays into an Officers heart. It may be that out of the general disease of all men not to love the memory of a predecessor, they seek to disgrace them by such easiness, and make good first impressions, that so having drawn much water to their Mill, they may afterwards grind at ease: For if from the rules of good Horse-manship, they thought it wholesome to jet out in a moderate pace, they should also take up towards their journey's end, not mend their pace continually, and gallop to their Innes-doore, the grave; except perchance their conscience at that time so touch them, that they think it an injury and damage both to him that must sell, and to him that must buy the Office after their death, and a kind of dilapidation if they by continuing honest should discredit the place, and bring it to a lower-rent, or under-vaine. FINIS.