Ape-gentle-woman, OR THE CHARACTER OF AN Exchange-wench.  
London, Printed for 〈…〉. 1673   

THE Character OF AN EXCHANGE-WENCH.  
SHe's a Huffing piece of Puff past or a bit extraordinary those queasy Stomaches which can●t digest a Bawdy-House A Crycodile stuffed with Rubbish, or the Scene in, Macb●●● reverssed, viz. a Beast in a Woman's S●n, A Whore Masquarade, or a trick the Devil intended to out upon the City. She's but one Story above a common Harlot, and when ever she falls from her Shop, drops into a Brothel-house. Her carriage is so equally divided betwixt a natural Levity, and forced Modesty, that one would take her for a kind of Motlyed Christian, or a new interposition betwixt Lust and Chastity, she is haunted with lascivious thoughts as with Ghosts, and never dresses herself without an absolute design on her own virtue, her greatest Ingenuity consists in curling up her Tower, and her chiefest care in putting it on, for to make it fit right she so bedaubs her Brow with Gum, and Powder that it glisters like a Woods●rie● Cake, or ●ee dredged with Snow. Being an Apprentice she's confined to a civil Garb in which she looks like a Friar in a Peruke, or as the Devil would in a Monks-hood. When she's ready for her Shop, she is so for a Tavern; whither she's a● easily invited a● a Barber to a Bawdy house, or a Country Parson to a Sundays Dinner. She's as fond of a Treat, as the Devil is of a Qua●er and squeezing her Bubble by the hand thinks she has got him as sure. If you miss on her at her Shop, you may find her at the Tavern; but if you suspect her Cully to be either poor or wise, you shall not fail to find her at the Bracket-house.  
She's a critical thing to deal in; having more Rises and Falls then Popper or Indico's: She's one Commodity at several Rates, partially dispensing those favours to one for a Bottle of Claret, which shall cost another a pair of silk Stockings, and a treat to boot. She holds the same League with Oyl-Men and Vintners, as the City Constables do with the Counter Turnekeys, or as Subburb Head-boroughs do with the Justices of Peace's Clars, who receive a snack for brin●ing them custom, she is so great an Epicure, that she sells her honesty to feed her Luxury, and pawns her very Soul to satisfy her Lechery. A Town-crack that Kisses for her Bread, and might starve but for her Buttocks, is a Saint to her; Both her habitation and her apparel like two friendly Sea-marks, forewarn us of our Shipwrecks if we sail in that Channel: But an Exchange Wench like a fatal Rock hid under a mild superficies, Ruins a Man before he can say, Lord have mercy upon us.  
But to rake up those Dunghills from whence these Serpents do proceed; the first you must know is from an Alehouse, and she owns her Original as the Poets say Venus doth, from froth, not of the Sea, but the tap, which being turned up in the musty Vessel of some gouty Hostess, lives there 1 Sack upon Carrion; Withal receiving additional nourishment from the aequous humours of her soul body in ten months' time comes to be drawn off (but leaves such Le● behind, out of which the Devil, were he turned Chemist could extract nothing but poison) The Lump of Distempers being thus produced at eleven or twelve years of Age it is sent to Hackney, where she stays no longer then till she has attained i'th' accomplishments of gather your Rosebuds, and offering at a Coopee, and then is called home again to learn the necessary ingredients of confidence and impudence, which intermixed with her Hackney embellishments will sufficiently accomplish her for a, What d'ye want Sir, Bands or Cravats.  
●he second springs from a lean Vicarage, whose small Benefice and the fear of Widowhood, prove such prevalent Padlocks to obstruct enjoyment that the good folks are fain to lie as quiet in Bed as Statues on tombstones, till they have contracted a raging lust which scorns Oppositions, than they eagerly fall to, never desisting till they beget a perfect Inherirtix of those Venereal Delights. She is sprightly beyond imagination, and scorns the little Artifices of Boarding, or Dancing School should teach her impudence, being naturally addicted to that Air and Gaiety, which others can't attain without the expense of time and Money: By a particular prerogative derived from her Parents, she anticipates her age, and becomes full fledged before her contemporary can get Pen feathered; her Father studying her inclinations, finding them light, being willing to put her to a Trade agreeable to her humour, wisely designs her for the Exchange.  
●he third Dunghill which helps to populate this famous Academy, is the broken Phanatic, and she who comes from hence is a thing sprung up by Providence, her Father being busied in the late Civil War, her Mother made bold with the brethren; If they were but fanatics she was for them, let them be Independants, and Anabaptists, Fifth Monarchy or Quakers. She had more Religions in her Belly than would furnish a Library, of which should her daughter retain but a Tenet for every Father, I would defy any Language to give her Heresy a Name. She was intended for a Gentle woman, but now her Father being stripped of his Bishop's Lands, and knowing her too stout for a Chambermaid, resolves to send her to the Exchange.  
Thus having acquainted you with their Etymology, I will jumble them together, (for I think there is not a T— to choose) and give you their description in general.  
An Exchange-Wench is a kind of standing Harlot, whom you may as certainly have at her Shop as a Porter at a Corner, and as willing they are to be employed, if they follow either their Parents example, or their own Education, you see they have no antipathy to any Vice; but as for Whoring they go to it Cum Privilegio, and esteem it one of the necessariest Utensils of their trade. A little before they're bound, the Mistress gives out to all her Merchant Customers that she has a fresh Face a coming, which makes them floc to her Shop, as to an East-India Sale, and bid as fast for her Apprentices Maiden head as if it were to be sold by Inch of Candle, and indeed 'tis little less, he always carrying it that bids most for it, whether he be Tur or Jew. When the bargains concluded on, she tells the Girl she must study to be obliging to all her Customers, especially to Mr.— (meaning him with whom she has contracted for her Maidenhead) acquaints her that he's a Person of great Worth, and of so sweet a disposition! that if he does but fancy her, 'tis twenty to one but he'll mae her a Woman (a Whore she means) for ever; and withal tells her she must carry his Linen to his Chamber tomorrow morning, the silly Girl makes her a Country Courtesy, and promises her to be complaysant to all his civil desires. But he soon spoils her exception, for having laid an Ambush of two or three Bottles of Wine, a Neat's tongue, and a little good Language, raising her desires with a little ob-Scene description of the sweets of enjoyment, he tells her the craving Bed invites them to action; where after he has enjoyed her in half an hours time sends her home as honest as her Neighbours.  
After she has been used so often, that she's relinquished by the Masters, she gins to grow subtle, and resolves to revenge herself on their Prentices; of whose company she is as fond as a Gamester of Bubble, and with lie cruelty debauches and ruins him at the same time. When he visits her at her Shop, she commends rf Playhouses, Spring-Garden, and the Par, and evern desist●s 〈◊〉 has got the Cully to coach her to one of them. Whilee●●● are abroad, she admits hands and Lips fair play, and only 〈◊〉 the last favour for his ruin, if she lays hold of his Waterd gufesha cobus, she taes it in jest, and keeps it in earnest, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, but as an earnest for that dear bought pleasure he intends to pthease, in this Jollity she forgets not to inquire whether he rehs Cash, which if she find he do, she computer to herself how ponit will last She exceed, a 〈◊〉 in policy as a much as a upod Husband does a flaunting Prodigal, ever calculating the properi●●y, and protracting the destruction of her Bubble, till she's assooed of another to supply his place, and then as if she repent her unrmer mildness, like a Lion arrived at his cruel Age, she falls on, and devours the Puppy she but played with before.  
In short her smiles are more treacherous than a Crocodiles tears, and her dalliances more dangerous than the embraces of a Serpent. She has as many Gallants as acquaintance, and whilst she prostitutes her body to one of them swears by her Soul she was never concerned with the rest, which the Bubble believes, till meeting with some of his Brother- Starlings (for by this time she has ruined most of them) and comparing Notes, they are fully convinced she hath been equally perfidious to them all. This discovery renders her notorious and totally divers her of her City acquaintance, so that wanting the convenience of her former Jnn ets, and being by an accustomated lewdness rendered uncapable of confining to the stricter method of a civil Life, her Rigging too beginning to be scandalous she quite the City to seek relief in the Fields, where she petitions the 〈…〉 so their Letters of commendation to Moll— who thereupon most graciously receive her into the Society of her Hac neys, where like a 〈◊〉 she blazest 〈…〉 consumed and 〈◊〉 turned out of Doors carrie● such 〈◊〉 along with her, one may small her from 〈…〉   

The Apology.  
As in tart Prologues, Poets show their Wit,  
In r●●ling generally at all the pit,  
Although they know their's some of such esteem  
They would not speak an evil word of them.  
So Ladies when I writ this character  
As for the Virtuous I designed not her  
I only aimed at the Lascivious Jilt;  
So she that takes Exceptions shows her guilt  
But you would all be modest,— pray to be  
For thou ● ' m● sure your unconcerned with me.  
FINIS.